#because this man.... he's so far behind
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oh the urge to drop my research course that i Really Do Need To Not Drop
#idk it just kinda. sucks#i remember this prof being bad but not like. this bad yknow#just bad in terms of marking#fortunately i took pretty good notes for the first half of the course last time i took it#because this man.... he's so far behind#like we're still on the third set of lecture slides. we meet twice a week and we're in week FOUR ALREADY#at this rate we're going to finish these slides tomorrow and then MAYBE start on the next set#but he always runs out of time and he ends up rushing through the rest of the slides until he gets to a good stopping point#and at some point i just check out. i can't follow#the familiar urge to drop out of college once again#trying to find a job but its. its so hard.#im gonna look again in a little bit here. havent heard back from any of the ones i applied to a few weeks ago#disappointing. they were really good positions too#you know you're fucked when you don't even get the entry level min wage cashier positions#like?????? what do i do with that?????
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I've started playing Potion Permit, and so far it's one of my favorite games I've messed around with, but the most big brained move the devs made was giving you a dog on day 1, and then making that dog able to track NPCs and lead you directly to them no matter where they are in the town.
#im still early game but i like the play and the writing is passable#like#Theres a flatness#the characters Are distinct but theyre mostly just their jobs#with only a few who stand out and have like. something to really grab onto#Like rue? rues entire deal is little girl you can date. Nothing else behind those eyes. She has nothing better to talk to you about#than the fact her favorite color is red#Sorcelia? Sorcelia is a goth nun who loves singing and teaches one of the village children#Reynerd? sure is a guy#got nothing else to say about him. hes just a Guy™. Victor? Has ghost friends and loves bugs and cares deeply about the cemetery#he tends to. At the moment it feels like they're trying to imply there aren't actually ghosts. and hes just talking to himself/#insisting his imaginary friends are real people#and so far? The games been cool about it. Victor's a member of his community and his eccentricities are accepted and not ridiculed#all four characters ive mentioned are romance candidates. but its just as hit or miss with the regular towns folk#Opalheart is an older woman and a world renowned blacksmith who only takes jobs if they will do Good. regardless of whether or not they#pay well. She declines to make a dagger for a rich man but makes a helmet for a childs father bc the girl asked#and olive is here#anyways you can be best friends with a cat (shes just a regular cat) and i appreciate that#idk im putting it above sun haven in my ranking of life sim games#purely because there are older romance candidates.#no fat romance candidates. but sun haven doesn't have thise either.#and sdv has neither fat or old candidates Nor can you fuck a cat boy. it goes at the bottom.#gameplay wise sunhaven is at the bottom then sdv then potion permit at the top. sunhaven has the Most™ but having#a lot of crap doesn't mean its fun and it ends up making half the game feel really incomplete#idk. Sdv is a game you should've started playing a year ago. sun haven is a game that perpetually needs another year worth of updates#before id say its worth it bc the devs keep pushing content ™ updates instead of quality of life or polish so what is there is uh#Bad. plentiful. and a large portion is good#but a Lot is just bad.#its insincere and cant take itself seriously it gives you (the right dialogue option) an (the shit joke option) which is worse than just#i ram out of space. tldr. potion permit is good Now. sdv Was good. sun haven Might be great Eventually
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For the record I don't think the Sannin had some sort of dramatic falling out. I think they grew apart in a way that they almost didn't notice. I think they found different interests, different people, and no matter how much they told themselves they were still as close as they'd always been they weren't. And I think it was a process of continually realizing these people aren't who you idealized in your mind; that they are maybe, kind of, sort of bad people; that they have done things you can't ignore, and that, maybe, they are your enemies. But there's no closure there. There's no sense of relief to be gained. Because you love them. You love them more than anyone in the world–– more than your students, more than your spouse, more than your family, more than your village. They know more about you than anyone ever will or ever could. They hold pieces of you, not only in your knowledge, not only in your youth, but in your soul, because they are one-third of it. You know them more, and less, than anyone could, and definitely more than you should
#i love them so much man i have SO many thoughts about them#also as far as my hcs for the deterioration of their relationship#i think jiraiya was kind of the first to leave in that he stayed behind in ame while oro and tsunade went back to the village#and oro really hated him for that because they viewed it as a sort of betrayal (because of their mindset they just didn't Get why he would#stay for these kids that they viewed as 'doomed'- and like. they were right but they didn't know that)#and tsunade and oro's relationship kind of fizzled after nawaki died because there was just a MESS of emotions going on#i feel like all three of them were like 'oh we'll just move past this' and then they Didn't#and then jiraiya and tsunade kind of realized after oro defected like 'OH SHIT there was a lot we were ignoring here'#and then you get like 25 years of them continually going 'oh. oh shit' as they realize more. and it just grows#but they could never let go of who oro was to them#ANYWAYS.#personal#naruto#naruto shippuden#naruto meta#naruto analysis#sannin naruto#tsunade naruto#jiraiya naruto#orochimaru naruto#orochimaru#tsunade#jiraiya#jiraorotsu#orojiratsu#tsujiraoro#tsunade senju#fandom: naruto#type: meta
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I fucking HATE how the fandom treats m.ine. it's so bad 😭
#ash rambles 💚#so many shitty takes... too much time on twitter ruins a man#i hear one more person call him a crazy obsessive yandere and i think I'm actually gonna lose it#he's either portrayed like that or as one half of a ship#his actual character is lost on so many people because oOoOOoOOooOoO mInE wAs GaY#i dont doubt that he likes men. it's just that I've seen so many people be weird about it-#also. it's not fucking sexy to wanna kill your partner. a bullet between the eyes isn't an act of love.#I saw a tweet today about how m.ine actually wanted to kill k.iryu because he thought d.aigo liked k.iryu romantically#and m.ine only wants d.aigo to himself. and THAT'S why m.ine wanted to kill k.iryu.#let that sink in. 😐.#i hate how the fandom treats him SO MUCH#i will sit in my corner here. and i will kiss m#m.ine. and we will kiss a lot. and things are good. we are happy. we are far away from all of that.#I'm not saying every fan of his is horrible. I've seen a lot of great stuff and content! but holy shit I've seen some horrible stuff too#and it's hard to not feel like I'm doing something wrong by shipping with him. by loving a guy who the world has always hated.#and ofc I'm not! but still! even whenever i rb content of him here I'm always so afraid ajdhajsj#like ah yes this is the day i finally get cancelled on tumblr dot com for (checks notes) ... shipping with y.oshitaka m.ine??#I'm honestly afraid to take him up to being an official f/o ajdhajsb i think he'll stay in crush jail a little while longer..#i hate how the fandom perceives him so much!!!!!!! i also just hate the y.akuza fandom in general lmao#i do also like k.iryu so.. I've seen shit 😐#I'll delete this later but oh boy i am in a mood#and i know this isnt the first time I've blogged about this#and for that i do apologize. but i really do love this guy and despite wanting to look for content of him i always end up finding the most#infuriating shit!#i know he's done fucked up things. he's not a great guy. but! our relationship is built on mutual trust and i will NEVER write any of that#creepy obsessive shit that the stupid fandom always portrays him as doing! he's not going to kill someone for getting too close to me-#I'm just... upset- get behind me honey! I'll shield you!#and by kissing him I'm not brushing over any of the shit he does in the game. yes he beheaded that guy. yeah he slapped that orphan.#but i adore him and omg i hit tag limit... oopsie daisy lol sorry guys 😭 I'm really sorry for always talking abt this#you were beautiful 💸
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Some people: Kaeya’s bio father is an abusive monster who abandoned his son in order to achieve his own selfish goals. He is an evil man who deserves everything awful that might happen to him.
Other people: Kaeya’s bio father did the right thing and leaving Kaeya in Mondstadt was the only way to give him a halfway-decent life. He is a better father than he is given credit for and should not be as hated as he is.
Me: Kaeya’s bio father is integral to the general ‘war is hell and bad choices can reverberate across time’ thing that Genshin seems to be going for. He made unethical choices, but mostly because the ONLY OPTIONS HE HAD WERE UNETHICAL. If our understanding of the Alberich’s role in Khaenri’ah is accurate, General Alberich (my name for him until stated otherwise) was suddenly in charge of a hopeless and dead kingdom which begged to be saved. Assuming that there was a reason Kaeya specifically was chosen for this mission, General Alberich was forced into a position where he needed to choose between the lives/future of every Khaenri’an vs the life and future of his young son. Abandoning either is an awful thing to do and a horrible decision, but the bad decisions of Celestia and Rhinedottir have led to a scenario where General Alberich can only make bad decisions. In the end, he chose to prioritize his people and made his young son into a spy. We do not know the process for this, but knowing how much Hoyoverse loves to torment people (especially Khaenri’ans) we can assume that this process was horrific for Kaeya and could definitely be considered abuse. General Alberich is effectively making his son into a child soldier for a war that the majority of people never wanted or asked for, and one Kaeya was likely far too young to understand. At least, until he was forced to grow up far too quickly in order to fulfill his duty. General Alberich likely loathed everything about what was happening and even in his last moments with his son he asks for forgiveness. He knows that what he is doing is wrong, but to turn back now is to both abandon his subjects and make everything that happened to Kaeya in order to turn him into a child spy be for nothing. So yeah, General Alberich is a terrible person who made horrible choices. But war and the bad actions of others have created a situation where he has nothing BUT horrible choices and where being a terrible person is the only thing he can be. And that’s without considering how the curse/abyssal corruption could impact the scenario.
#idk#I just think that Kaeya's father is kinda an Asgore situation#where the only decisions he could possibly make were awful and unethical ones but choosing neither would create an even worse outcome#also I want to clarify that both of the other interpretations that I parroted before giving my own thoughts are valid#because we are working with such limited information and yeah no shit people are gonna have differing thoughts#people have differing beliefs and perspectives on things which are CANONICALLY CONFIRMED to be clear situations with lots of info about it#so of course people are going to go in like 80 different directions with his character#BECAUSE WE HAVE NEXT TO NOTHING TO GO OFF OF#and basically every interpretation of him I've seen is pretty reasonable#Like yeah man's son is a child spy who was abandoned in a far away country for the purpose of being a spy for Khaenri'ah's interests#thinking that he was an abusive asshole isn't exactly unreasonable#nor is it unreasonable to believe that he was actually a decent man who left his son in Mondstadt as the 'only hope' of Khaenri'ah#because he just wanted Kaeya to live on and have a life outside of the Abyss#and Kaeya was mistaken when he thought he was simply being left behind as a pawn#Genshin is no stranger to unreliable narrators and this wouldn't be the first time a character story wildly mischaracterizes something#so like...both of those interpretations are valid#and pretty fair ones as well#But I think that it really is like an Asgore situation where yeah this guy sucks and he is an awful person who made so many bad choices#But also was left with nothing BUT bad choices through war and grief and other factors that were genuinely outside of his control#Sacrifice your son's childhood and happiness by forcing him to be a child spy and abandoning him in the middle of a deadly storm#or let your people (including yourself) rot away into nothingness while facing a fate worse than death while they all but scream to be saved#there are no good options#kaeya's father#don't take this too seriously I just really liked Undertale when I was younger and I'm getting Asgore vibes from General Alberich
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"why did dragon abandon luffy but brought sabo along" this probably works against dragon actually but the canon reason at this point is that he would have literally gone full kuma-with-bonney mode if anything had happened to luffy and the wg had used luffy against him while back when he randomly picked up sabo out of the sea he couldn't have cared less about sabo. hope this helps
#“if you keep asking you might as well just kill me” vs “if sabo actually killed cobra I'm done with him”#no I'm sure dragon cares for the revs more than enough#they're his people#he spent years looking for a cure to bonney's illness for kuma he DOES care#but he also didn't stage a coup on the celestial dragons when ginny got captured#and when iva and inazuma ended up in impel down he left them there#i mean dude's got his priorities and the overall cause is above the singular people fighting for it#it just so happens that luffy matters to him more than the cause#like sorry excuse me are you actually asking who mattered more to him between his own son and a random kid#as i said i wouldn't say this works in dragon's favor as far as being a selfless loving man goes#but if you're asking the question because you actually want an answer this is why#he had no clue who sabo was and the kid was begging to be brought along#why would have dragon left him behind#he had no reason to worry about sabo being used against him#it wouldn't have worked anyway
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Ready for Fernando to go fucking feral in the next driver’s meeting about how illegal Red Bull is because it’s so obvious on this short, tight street circuit
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Shining Force Data Collection - May 1992
These are from a special on japanese magazine Beep! Megadrive. I haven’t translated most of it because it’s your typical character stat analysis and item/magic list, but there were some fun character tidbits as well.
Protagonist
Leave the finishing blows to him
Character: A typical man, doesn't talk much. Many warriors admire him and join his force.
Special skills: He's the only one capable of ordering the wild members of the Shining Force to retreat.
Mae
Daughter of the Knight Captain, running through the wide fields
Character: Super harsh. Though that's what you can expect of a knight that was also raised like a princess.
Special skills: Her father was the Knight Captain Varios. Her bloodline is as good as it gets for a knight.
Ken
This model apprentice is a guy that grows stronger real fast
Character: Honest. To the point where he comes off as rude to other people. Though it's also a good thing.
Special skills: His youth is his strength. As a knight in training, his growth upon getting real battle experience is extraordinary.
Arthur
The hidden power of a laundry worker
Character: Extremely earnest. His weak point is that he's quick to worry.
Special skills: He's a unique knight who can learn magic. Is that a given when you work on the laundry in Manarina?
Pelle
Are mercenary knights immortal?
Character: A hothead. Perhaps that's why he's easy to deceive, he's completely helpless when it comes to surprise attacks.
Special skills: Has the sheer determination to climb up from a precipice. His strong will beyond that of regular mercenaries isn't just an act.
Vankar
Never stops drinking
Character: Loves alcohol and freedom and fighting. Has an adult charm to him.
Special skills: Fights head-on, one-on-one, a fair clash of power versus power. He's a knight for hire with a lot of pride.
Earnest
A knight of the shadows living for revenge
Character: A man of conviction who won't turn back at any danger in order to attain his goals.
Special skills: Skilled at guerilla tactics, seeing how he penetrated a fort leading only a small bunch of soldiers.
Luke
A brat charging onward with a dumpling of a nose!
Character: A natural-born fighter who loves battling, However, he's usually a kind man.
Special skills: Great physical strength. Shows a fighting style distinct from the knights.
Gort
A hot blooded grandpa unmatched in the battlefield
Character: A kind warrior who loves his family and homeland. Has the charm of an unassuming master.
Special skills: Relies on skill more than strength, contrasting with the young Luke.
Hans
Talented archer who hates fighting
Character: A pacifist. Does things on his own pace and whines a lot, but when he decides to act he does it well.
Special skills: Precise as a machine with the bow. Never misses a target.
Diane
Sniper woman raised in the mountain country
Character: Having been raised as a hunter since a young age, she is very self reliant. Also full of vitality.
Special skills: Runs through hills and fields like a wild beast, chasing after her prey through any distance.
Lyle
Heavy firearm guy with a terrible sense of direction
Character: He's careless, but the kind of guy that's hard to hate. Even he admits his sense of direction is poor.
Special skills: Certainly strong. Carries around that heavy cannon without a single complaint.
Guntz
An inventor’s soul running through the battlefield
Character: A sensitive guy despite his appearance. Seems to be very watchful of his surroundings.
Special skills: Has dexterous hands. Does maintenance of the steam suit by himself.
Tao
The burning woman was devoted
Character: Seemingly meek, but strong on the inside. As expected of a fire mage.
Special skills: Cooks the undead of monsters well-done. A monster chef.
Anri
The princess is a silver haired mage
Character: She is a princess yet has lived in Manarina for a while, perhaps she's good at adapting to other environments?
Special skills: A princess who attacks with ice magic, it's a bit of a scary image to conjure.
Domingo
An impertinent creature since the day he hatched
Character: Talks way too much. Perhaps his egg was hatched in a bad way.
Special skills: His gelatinous body is hard for enemies to damage. Very resistant.
Alef
The magician of lightning attacks hates Lowe?
Character: A woman (?) with a unique adult vibe among those in the force. Quite attractive...
Special skills: The Bolt magic that makes one's fur stand on end and summons lightning. Its power is outstanding.
Lowe
The one who saved a life is a priest in training
Character: Very nosy and curious. Yet has a vibe that's hard to dislike.
[idk book did you read the previous character]
Special skills: Being a priest, that is healing magic of course. Especially eager to treat the girls' wounds.
Khris
Has hidden strength very unexpected of her looks
Character: Because she has served a princess for a long time, she's mild mannered and very quiet.
Special skills: With experience she becomes quite strong, even in close combat. She also looks kind of lonely.
Torasu
The best when it comes to Aura
Character: The eldest in the force. Has a surprisingly funny face.
Special skills: Thanks to his long life, he has learned plenty of healing spells. Very knowledgeable.
Gong
The peak of body training
Character: He wanders about while training himself. A monk with strict discipline.
Special skills: Summons the healing fairies with a strong proper fist. You have to see it.
Balbaroy
Dances like a butterfly, stings like a hornet
Character: Has a deep sense of honor. Fought to protect the priest in Shade who took care of him.
Special skills: A valuable member who can fly. Can't anything be done about his kinda low strength...?
Amon
Do you understand how to use the birdmen couple?
Character: A gentle wife who cares dearly for her husband. You want to answer her pleas no matter what.
Special Skills: Another flying member along her husband. You can leave the battlefield scouting to them.
Kokichi
Flying is his life
Character: He has persisted for fifty years on experiments with flying machines. That says all you have to know about his personality.
Special skills: Kokichi is the only human in all of Rune to have flown. It's an amazing feat.
Bleu
Is this a legendary Sacred Dragon?
Character: He's a crybaby, but his care for his friends might be beyond that of humans. Likes Karin.
Special skills: Bleu is still only a child. He's just starting to develop his powers as a sacred dragon.
Zylo
The only option when it comes to forest battles
Character: While a beastman, he is the king of Bustoke. A noble and kind ruler.
Special skills: A forest spirit. In a forest, no one can match his power.
Adam
Robot given a duty
Character: Loyal servant to the protagonist. He was created for this role. A long. long time ago.
Special skills: His whole body is weaponized. By getting experience, he may be able to unlock its abilities.
Musashi
A strong warrior visiting from an eastern country
Character: The embodiment of the samurai code. He cannot ignore evil, no matter how small.
Special skills: With a single swing of his katana he can tear apart even air! Such skill might be above even the protagonist's.
Hanzou
This user of ninja arts holds his sword in a backwards grip
Character: A complete mystery. His nature, his personality, all unknown. A literal fighting machine?
Special Skills: The secret art of hiding in the shadows. Now, let's look out for him thoroughly.
Yogurt
Why does he fight?
Character: "I don't get it..."
Special skills: He runs. Has a helmet. Tumbles down. Apparently has a lot of unexpected skills. Really unexpected.
#shining force#shining series#shining force data collection#hilarious that i found this before actually going to hunt for all the beep megadrives#anyway i love that their were a bit more humorous in this one#also love how max's retreat is portrayed as a leader skill like. bestie that's a spell. that's like forceful#max sinking in the castle of the ancients: man i'm so glad i learned egress. those hotheads would rather die here than let me go#adam right behind him: that's true. i'm glad you've found such great friends though master#max: ...#max: ...how are you still here?#adam whose only idea of leaving max involve getting blown up to death: ? i don't understand the question master#anyway. losing it at the disrespect for luke also#and yes i know the last world book said he doesn't like fighting no one knows what's going on with this guy i guess#everyone is too busy giving diane the most epic entries ever which is far more important#most valuable thing here though is. i think that's the first time bleu and karin's ship is teased? legit surprised to see that#i thought it was a thing decided on the fly for the novel just because Story Gotta Have Romance
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#takeru#full comeback on october 30th#i am curious how this is going to be different from his other two solo projects#for uwakimono he had said he was exploring a specific concept#but i found sleepyhead to be more open and conceptless#more of a vibe if you will#it was dark yeah and in his website it was written sth about it being a specific kind of darkness i forget the adjective rn#but he could have done many things regardless of concept i believe#I guess he went for a new solo project because he had connected sleepyhead with all the negativity pain and loss he felt after sug's disban#and he wanted to create sth that is free of all that and went back to who he is without the depression part#Despite the colors Takeru's artistic expression's always included darkness so I don't think he will stray far away from that#but the motive and message behind this project might be different and more focused on his creativity than emotions alone#he sounded really done with himself before the break he took before the latest SuG one-man#and he had said he wanted to take time to find himself again so yeah#it remains to be seen
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I haven't looked at any other game info at all bc I want experiences to be unspoiled, but the curiosity of the radio shoutout got the better of me (which I think is easily missable anyway? that's how I'm justifying myself), and it made me notice, the way evrart is described in the narration vs kim lol. oh harry's like, Into Him into him.
#(harry thinking about evrart) bug-eyed grotesquely magnified lookin guy#(harry thinking about kim) did you catch the way his eyes lit up behind his prescription lenses#did you see his eyes dilate with joy because they're Just magnified enough to make it out#I'd seen people mention long before playing that it's easy to read harry as being attracted to kim#but I didn't think so many thoughts would be so openly infatuated by almost everything he does#I guess the idea is that harry is a very passionate individual who's easily dependent on others anyway. and well#the portrait halo definitely says enough#anyway get this man out of the force and into a cool car with a few punk tapes#also wrt evrart. I am not far enough to gauge what my full opinion of his intentions should be yet#but I'm constantly switching to finding him slimy to a hilarious point in his manipulative power moves (the chair lmao#I didn't die to the chair but I assumed that you could)#or. altho clearly more self-serving than the man of the people he tries to assert that he is#possibly just doing what he can in his position by playing the game in a system he knows is inherently corrupt
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simon zealotes you are in my thoughts
#i've been thinking of that guy today. and like . his first days with the rest of the disciples#and him sort of trying to adjust to living in normal circumstances 💀#well. normal.#not normal but different abnormal circumstances#susanna getting his braids off when he decides he's not going back. i've been thinking abt that a lot.#so far i've only ever drawn him with natural hair but while he was a zealot he had to have it braided. it's a hc i have.#for convenience purposes but also just because well.#non black zealots were definitely normal about him !#my simon z is mixed. his father was from canaan his mother was ethopian. clearly he wasn't meant to be born mother died at birth father#tried to raise the child as jewish as he possibly could to ignore the existence of the african mother#worked out great for him he became a zealot#anyways. whatever. didn't have any actual connection to his ethiopian heritage until he met susanna#it's a whole moment. simon z is a whole moment#oh and there's also the. stabbing big james that's how i hc they met him sort.of#simon witnesses a miracle and panics. i havent decided which one yet i'll figure it out#he runs away and you cant exactly just leave the zealots so he's hiding out somewhere relatively near jesus' disciples' camp by chance#he spots the camp and mans hungry so once the disciples all go about their business and leave someone to watch over he tries to steal food#to his luck its big james who's stayed behind and he's both impulsive and agressive so when he spots the guy with the knife trying to steal#from them he punches him in the face.#and look. simon feels threatened. he's a trained zealot. he has a knife on him. it's a reflex can you really blame him ???#anyways he didnt actually mean to stab that guy and he /was/ just stealing their food so idk call it his own conscience call it the power o#jesus he stays and helps him. when jesus gets back he's like 'ah yes a knife guy exactly what's been missing from this team's dynamic'#james is currently bleeding on the floor and he's like nahhh its cool hes funny ! john is panicking and crying. at least two people suggest#they trade matthew for him. matthew hears zealot and starts hyperventilating because he's 88% sure he's going to get murdered in his sleep#(they dont tell simon about matthew's former occupation for like. at least two months more)#it's a vibe !
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friends, as i said and tried to be clear, there are topics i don't feel comfortable publicly addressing, and i really don't like doing condemnations/whataboutisms with people's mistakes, as if one can win a "more moral" challenge, but if it's old hollywood related, just assume i already know. then assume almost anything you've read in passing is way more complicated than whatever clickbait is on the internet.
anyway, far less complicated, natalie wood's mother was a monster
#which is the story behind the story there#it was already too late so while the situation is murky at least he took her under his wing and didn't violently abuse her#considering other things she went through#you either find a way to reconcile the facts of people and their lives being complicated and full of difficult perhaps even wrong things#(and he was particularly far from perfect we know that but he also wasn't an evil man by any means)#or you never engage with anyone's art ever again because it might be problematic and that's simply untenable#we can't do anything about it because everyone involved is dead and not here to speak for themselves#all we can do is make up our own minds. and f's given me far more good and listening to him isn't doing anyone harm#anyway by contrast if you ever wonder why her relationship with e went the way it did and why she didn't understand him#especially in regards to him wanting to read to and just be with her rather than other things#yet again thank her abusive monster of a mother who taught her there was no other way to get validation#i'm more concerned with doing what we can here in the present than litigating the past
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.
#selah strong: -drinks I respect my wife so much- juice#-immediately puts a knife to the annoying guy's neck and threatens violence easily against enemies-#-is incredibly considerate to anna and lets her make all the big decisions far more than his contemporary men did-#-would let her divorce him if she wanted anyway and asked Abe to take care of her as his last wish before the ship-#-he's like: it's okay leave me behind caleb because he doesn't want to weight on him five minutes after a prison ship#-is tall and strong looking-#emma: anna pls could you divorce him so i can marry him five times WHAT A MAN#ooc#he and mary were incredible spouses their only misfortune was that the couldn't be loved back as much#because they loved two people who would have gotten together if abe didn't feel guilty for his brother's death
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Somebody draw Julie-Su in a wheelchair (self propelled, not push) I'm going back to sleep
#I screwed myself over pushing past my hard limit. can't moooove#muscles locked joints screaming I need. painkillers. lr to sleep for hours#keep dreaming about Lien-Da incidentally defending Julie-Su after Moritori pushes her buttons too far and she snaps#knowing that Dimitri wouldn't let him do anything drastic to her. she haaaaates how Dimitri had been trying to get her to tone down#but in this case. Moritori is under the same rules. Hide behind Dimitri just this once.#I think that Lien-Da and Moritori had an interesting relationship. She looked to him as a father#and he did love her as his granddaughter. but also that man is fucked up five ways from friday. He is using her as his pawn.#and he is not a nice man. so when she strays from what he wants her to do... hmmm...#And Moritori can't stand Julie-Su at ALL. He was neutral. but then she got annoying. Now he's just like... As soon as Dimitri isnt looking..#... It's amusing to me that Dimitri is the one who actually likes her. Poor ju-su#meeeeh.#I'm exhausted and braindrained.#I should have taken my wheelchair to London#I think Julie-Su has a lot of internal cybernetics. I like to ignore that one SSS where she takes her boots off and think her legs are#cybernetic. I think her spine is reinforced and half of her muscles are cables. because I sed so#ok now do it to me too
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so my highschool was huge, and for god knows what reason, cross country was super popular. at my highschool of maybe 6000 kids we have close to 750 cross country runners. we needed four or five busses to take us to meets. it was absolutely fucking insane.
anyway, i have this core memory of us running as this big, thundering herd down the main stroad of my hometown, and this one car had inched up pretty far past the stop sign to try and see around the car, and the guy leading our group decided, for god knows what reason, to open this big car's passenger door, scooch across the back three seats, and pop out the other side.
but then the guy behind him did the same, and we all just decided, why not, so we all did, and there was this old guy yelling at us but he couldn't just pull away because there was this unending 750 person long conga line of overheated hyperventilating sweat slick scrawny mormon kids slithering all over his leather seats and if hed tried to pull away at any point after the first guy he'd have kidnapped at least three of em.
for bonus points this guy lived in the area, and every time we ran past him he'd just lay on the horn, but to get back at him wed run into neighborhoods that we saw him enter and wed make these giant congo lines at crosswalks and shit just to fuck with him. we tormented that man.
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age gap autumn girl fuck you
#laid down on his bed he asks if i’m alright with him locking the door i say should i be afraid of you locking the door he rolls his eyes#i’m watching a pot on his stove we’re alone in his apartment he’s standing right behind me and i look at the glass of his kitchen window#so i can catch his reflection he’s just standing there waiting for his vegan pasta his meatless dish but i still feel like prey this#weekend i shared a hotel room with the kids they came over at night to watch a game and they’re all cuddled up around me they’re all#laughing and laughing and laughing and telling me about their exes and their boyfriends and i’m under the arm of one of them and he says#kitty kitty you’re going to fall off the bed i rest my head on another’s calf and she says kitty your hair is so soft and they’re all#laughing#i keep this in my drafts and a month after it's freezing at night i'm looking up at a man that might be fifty or at least forty five i#ask his name which i don't remember now because i was plastered. i was so drunk i tell him mister whatever-his-name was you're so handsome#and he blushes like i'm the one chasing him and that's because i am. i am laughing with all of my teeth out. he giggles pretty like i've#spent years doing and i ask him what is it sir what is it and he says i'm not usually told that and i nudge a little more i say you don't?#how? you're so handsome i say it in the way they all taught me in the way i've heard it before i keep going until he leaves for his place#but he doesn't invite me back because it's clear i've made him uncomfortable so i frown a little and lean back towards the boy i made out#with the night before i tell him huh old guy won't fuck me and he laughs he says so you really like them older i say yeah i laugh#i laugh and then i say but they don't seem to like me anymore he makes a joke about me having cut my hair short and i say no it's because#i'm too old for them now and he shakes his head do you see how fucked up that is he tells me and i just laugh harder but don't tell him it#is the truth. but not the whole of it. the rest of the truth is in me prowling through the bars another night and making eyes at them#instead of baring my neck when they come at me it's in me growing into a man in the steel of elevators and their sheets in the ac of their#offices and the heat of their cars and outgrowing them not to turn away from them but to become them that salivating beast they all are#all of us are i lean back on walls and show them a hip a boot-ed-on foot that is still small a wrist that is still thin a jaw that still#won't grow fuzz but don't they see right through they see right through this too small costume i've put on for them in the same way i#used to swear i saw through them too i swore i saw them for what they were but without even noticing they've done what they do in movies#and books and songs and middle-school health classes like in every warning that was given to me but here in this far away country i just#laugh and laugh harder when he says it makes sense though i mean i'm older than you too and he's only 24 and he says it so boyishly#almost with a pout and i cackle and he laughs too and there we are and we sound like children there in the street
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