#because they have their own lives
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Me when I've been left alone with my thoughts at work and none of my friends are responding to my messages for more than five seconds: I have GOT to kill myself. I need to set myself on fire. My MAIN goal. Is to BLOW UP. And take everyone else in this building down with me. Ahahahah
#I am very well#I just hate being at work#And at least when my besties are talking with me#I can pretend I'm not at work#For at least the slightest of moments#But then they go do something else#Because they have their own lives#and suddenly it's just me and the horrors#And I'm forced back into the reality that I'm here. Sitting at my desk. Working my job.#And I feel the intense need to end my own life to escape it.#I KNOW that's not the solution and of course I'm not going to do it#But dear god do I wish I could leave this place
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the thing is, I know it wouldn't change anything, but damn I really want to leave everything behind
#but i can't#because i still feel responsible for my siblings even tho they donât really care#because they have their own lives#and i am here and i feel like I'm living a life i don't want to live and i am tired and i feel guilty for feeling tired#because there are people who are so full of love and light and they deserve time on this earth#i want to give them whatever i have left because fuck dude i always thought I'd die before i turn 30#which is dumb because there is no reason just this little thing in my head telling me that's how it's going to be#and idk man i have wasted so much time being the responsible one but i have no idea what to do with myself#i need to feel useful and i need to be reminded that everything isn't about me and i just wâ yeah j can't even say it#man...watch me unpack all of this while writing my stanford fic i guess#txt.#yearning for a home that never was and searching for a home that never will be#ahhhh#i am going insane
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Let the poor man rest.
#also no he doesn't want to experience life as a normal person. no he wouldn't sacrifice his powers to live again.#he LOVED being powerful. he was very proud of his powers. he was at the top of the world. what he disliked was being so lonely at the top.#which having reunited with Geto now he is not.#and he wanted to keep the next generation safe due to his past regrets and teach a generation of kids to be at the top together.#and he wanted to get rid of the corrupt higher-ups and reform the Jujutsu society.#and he did all of that. Yuta and Yuuji are both alive and safe and the kids are all reunited with each other stronger than ever#and the higher-ups are d**d.#Gojo obviously wouldn't hate to keep living. he clearly didn't expect to lose and die. but as he himself confirmed#he died doing what he loved. he went out the way he wanted. he went out with a bang. he had the best fight of his life and gave it his all.#as he said 'he had fun'. he said it would have been embarrassing if he died of old age or sickness.#and now that he's gone he's happy with his friends and especially Geto. he found peace.#He said it himself 'Now i'm wishing that it's not just a dream'.#also for those of you who say that Geto & Gojo wouldn't be together because one would go to hell and one to heaven... no. just no.#first of all. Gojo did a mass m*r*** before his death#second of all. they're Buddhists. they don't have heaven and hell. don't bring Abrahamic religions into everything.#and you'd be surprised by the excuses the Abrahamic religions find to not let people in heaven.#probably Gojo wouldn't go to heaven even if he didn't kill the higher-ups due to...idk... occasionaly doing pranks or sth.#but Gege apparently created a whole other afterlife of his own. and Toji Geto Gojo Nanami and everyone were all gathered there together.#you SAW that. so stop.#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#gojo satoru#satoru gojo#jjk gojo#gege akutami#my two cents#satosugu
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(ID in ALT Text) Happy very, very late Mother's Day!
I am not saying that zuko is sokkas substitute for kya. or they look in any way similar! The whole concept here is that something was happening at the moment, be it how they were laying in bed, how the hair pooled over the pillow, or how sokka was able to hold onto it. It just brought sokka back. It triggered a memory, and suddenly he relived a brief memory. Making him suddenly miss his mother again. hope you enjoy!
#atla#sokka#zuko#zukka#kya#tiny sokka!#tiny sokka deserves his own tag#come on he is adorable!#local artist that hates drawing hair ends up drawing A LOT OF HAIR#reason why i was late is mostly because i actually got mom mom something#sorry dad fictive mom my vary real living mom was just this tat bit more important ;;;#yes sokka inherited most of the other jewlery kya owned#i just think thats fair!!!#i am to 100% i notice something that i forgot later on when its posted but i don't have anymore energy anymore to fix it...
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before october 7th this blog was a meme page btw.
#don't you think it's so odd how so many palestinians on tumblr were just minding their own business and having fun#and all of a sudden the genocide started and we started dedicating all our time#to helping and start educating people#only for people to start questioning us and harassing us in the most parasocial ways#and now about half of us are deciding not to share about our personal lives or our interests anymore#because we can't be granted the opportunity to actually have personalities outside of our suffering.#a look into our personal lives is a privilege and all of you abused it#all of this is due to the fact that none of you consider us as actual human beings#even if you're âalliesâ to the palestinian cause. you still dehumanize us to hell and back#i wish you all could see me as someone who is just like you.
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history is doomed to repeat itself
#my art#qsmp#qsmp pomme#badboyhalo#if i had a nickel for every time foolish was killed in his own home because a weapon turned out to be a lot stronger than they thought whil#on a limited life system i would have 2 nickels but its weird it happened twice#the french sniper lives on#trsmp
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on a completely separate note; shizun luo binghe with a disciple shen yuan who fell into the abyss??? *thinks about LBH canonically stealing SQQ's corpse for 5 years* he'd hallucinate i think. like, like visual and audial hallucinations.
Keeps thinking he's seeing SQQ in the corner of his eyes, or wandering between the trees, amongst a group of disciples. Thinks he hears him calling for him, but its just the wind or another disciple.
Gets Xiu Ya reforged but patently fucking refuses to make a sword mound. Because his disciple Is Not Dead :))) There was No Body. He's Not Dead. And If You keep Insisting That He Is, He's Gonna Skewer You :). He's holding onto Xiu Ya so he can return his most favored disciple's sword when he returns. It's on his hip right next to Zheng Yang where it's supposed to be.
Also this motherfucker?? does not sleep btw. He has the image of SQQ, wide eyed and hysterical and standing at the mouth of the abyss burned into his fucking eyelids. Can't use the dreamscape to escape it either because he keeps trying to save him and either he does and it's an incredibly cruel trick to wake up to, or he doesn't and he gets his heart broken in several different pieces again.
There is no convincing this man that Shen Qingqiu is dead. Absolutely nothing at all. He is buried so deep in denial that moles would be jealous of how deep he is. He keeps making tea for two in the bamboo house only to remember that it's just him. SQQ's fans are hiding everywhere, little reminders of his presence. He goes to wake up SQQ on the mornings he sleeps in-- only to find the room empty.
#svsss#luo binghe#svsss au#scum villain#scum villian self saving system#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#disciple shen yuan#lbh. visibly exhausted and with twitchy eyes: im fine :) | everyone else: ho no the fuck you ARENT.#SQQ was hysterical not because he found out LBH was half-demon but bc he was having a long-awaited mental breakdown over his autonomy :)#or (limited) lack thereof. he was having a sudden onset crisis of mortality and was handling at quite literally the WORST time. oops#im thinking very hard that LBH would never push his disciple into the abyss especially with no system to force him to. so SQQ either#had to goad him into it (failing always) or throw himself in. he ended up doing it himself but not before some very impressive hysterics.#BUT ALSO. IF THIS HAD BEEN WHERE SQQ WAS THE HALF-HEAVENLY DEMON INSTEAD IT WOULD'VE BEEN SO GREAT.#and by great i mean horribly angsty bc SQQ is NOT doing too hot and has. in very SY-like fashion. convinced himself that LBH will kill him#when he finds out he's a demon. so when it comes out i have this mental image of him lunging at LBH and LBH flinches back. but SQQ wraps hi#hands around the blade of Zheng Yang and yanks it up so the tip of the blade is digging into his chest where is heart is. LBH can't yank th#sword away without risking slicing into SQQ's hands. SQQ's hair has fallen out of its tail/bun and is now messily spilling down his#back and its NO helping the kinda deranged look he has going on. he's visibly shaking and his eyes keep flittering away and back at LBH's#face. SQQ is looking at the messages from the system warning him that he has to go into the abyss or punishment will occur. he's like.#rambling though. talking about how shizun doesn't *like* unclean things and there is nothing more unclean than a demon. like he is#INSISTING. LBH can't?? get a fucking word in. actually. SY isn't listening that much either anyways. too overwhelmed with the system and#the amount of stress he's under and his crumbling mental state and the innate and primal desire to live even when he's standing in front of#his own executioner. it all ends with him sitting on the ground at the lip of the abyss with his hair falling in his face. he looks so#unkempt and fallen apart and so distinctly *non-Shen Qingqiu* that LBH feels physically ill over it. tears are streaming down SQQ's face#and despite everything he is smiling. its not a nice smile. its a very frayed falling apart at the seams about to crack smile.#he tells shizun not to worry about staining his blade with this disciple's filthy blood because this disciple will take care of it himself.#and then he falls into the abyss before luo binghe can so much as grab him. the only reason LBh doesn't literally jump in after him is bc#he was numb with shock and the abyss was already closed before he could feel his legs again :]
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Itâs finally done, guys â five whole pages of Narilamb AU comic AND MORE be upon you! (If you have trouble reading any of the text, view the full-size! These pages are huge!)
Yeesh, this took forever. <:)
Thereâs probably a ton of inconsistencies and anatomy/perspective wonkeries, but this was mostly just comic practice, so Oh Hekkin Well, Lol <:D
(Yes, I am aware the Gatewayâs door isnât present in the Afterlife, and the actual way in is just a pentagram portal. Yes, I put the door in there anyway because Artistic License, i.e. it felt more impactful for there to be a prison door of sorts to walk through to freedom, rather than just a bland boring portal on the ground. đ )
anyway, i hate backgrounds so much lmao
Alternate ending and a buttload of bonus art under the cut, followed by goofy AU rambles and headcanon stuff:
Iâm calling it the Revival AU. Itâs not all that creative a title, and someone else has probably used it already, but I am too lazy to really care, LOL
Alternate ending page, which you will Definitely need to view the full-size for, Whoopsie Daisy:
The alternate ending was actually the first ending I finished things off with, because I had a brief badbrain moment where I forgot the emotional beat I initially wanted the comic to end on, and I tend to write comedy, anyway. I later remembered and drew out the proper ending, but I preserved and finished this one, too, because it still makes me giggle.
They had to go back for the followers off-screen in the AUâs real ending. And by âtheyâ I mean just the Lamb, because they werenât about to ask three newly freed cats to go back into what used to be their prison. The Lamb DID spend some time watching Narinder and the bois enjoying the outdoors first, though:
In other news, hereâs the Lamb and me making fun of my anatomy-drawing âskillsâ:
Meanwhile, if youâre wondering why the Lamb is just a-okay with how things went down vis a vis Their Murder, this bonus comic should answer at least some of your questions:
Ah, yes, also this is how they get engaged outside of the alternate ending. Forgot to mention that bit. XD (I already refuse to believe that Narinder is capable of flirting normally, so why would his initial marriage proposal be any better???)
Oh, and before any of them get a chance to actually head back to the cult grounds, there is one potential problem:
And by âproblemâ I mean something Narinder intends to ignore for At Minimum a thousand years. Cuz heâs a petty bitch like that. :D
what do you mean i drew the lamb too tall compared to the background? clearly theyâre standing on top of baal and aym lmao, why else would you think those two arenât in this one??? (aym and baal got way too excited about finally being outside, you see, and their silly modes are nothing to sneeze at)
And, speaking of heading back to the cult grounds, Iâm sure yâall would love to know how the Lambâs followers felt about the brand new change in management:
It all went better than expected. <:D Tiny ramble now, feel free to skip down to the next comic.
Before you ask, no, the Lamb does not have any actual powers anymore, other than the immortality Narinder definitely grants them. The Red Crown just thinks itâs funny to suggest otherwise, and Narinder does nothing to discourage this. Also, the Lamb and Narinder arenât actually married here yet, but, uh. Pretty safe to say that particular ritual directly follows the events of this comic. XD
Given how quickly he mellows out in canon, Narinder probably chills out a lot in this AU once heâs in charge of the cult, too, if only because 1.) Heâs finally free, and 2.) Heâs equally smitten with and distracted by the Lamb. Heâs definitely in charge at least 95% of the time, though, because the Lamb never actually wanted to be a cult leader and, now that their time as a vessel is done, they just want to be a normal(ish) sheep whoâs wholly devoted to their hot new divine husband.
Some followers do still have some valid concerns about these two being together, though, which Iâm sure at least a few of you might shareâŚ
Unfortunately for any such concerns, the Lamb is a bonafide masochist in this AU. :D
Theyâre also 100% a sub, obviously
Anyone at all: Your relationship is problematic and potentially toxic
The Lamb: fuck yeah it is, itâs so hot~ OuO
Hereâs just the last panel, made transparent for whatever nefarious purposes yâall might have for it:
Additional exchange Narinder and the Lamb have at some point, probably after the Lamb does a fatal whoopsie while out on a mission trip or in response to things getting a little too sadistic in the bedroom, ahaha:
Look, there is a very important distinction between life and death, and if you donât understand that, then youâre probably not worthy of being the God of Death, anyway. (At least, according to Narinder, and ONLY Narinder.)
Last but not least, have these shittens:
~Such creative naming conventions I have utilized, lololol~ :D Anyway, there's a few deets on them in the rambles down below.
The rest is all ramble, so before I get to that, Iâll just say â likes and especially reblogs are very much appreciated!!! :D If you happen to really really REALLY like my stuff, meanwhile, I do have a link in my bio to my ko-fi page, where Iâm accepting commissions and donations if youâre especially generous⌠ĂuĂ
Now, BE FREE IF YOU AINâT DOWN FOR READING MY GOOFY RAMBLES
First ramble is re: Baalâs question of âDid it really work?â, since I didnât feel like expanding on it in the comic proper, and itâs arguably pretty vague? He doesnât ask because he doubts Narinder or his capabilities, exactly, but because neither Baal nor Aym have ever actually seen their god at full power before (heâs still technically not at full power here, either). Itâs not expressly stated how soon the brothers were brought to Narinder after his imprisonment, but whether it was early on or after a length of time for Shamura to (somewhat) recover from his attack, he must have already been weakened, since I have no doubts that there was a huge battle that accompanied the Bishops working together to trap him. So, between that fight with all four of his siblings, sharing his power with a variety of vessels over time, and being chained immobile for a thousand years, he must have been severely weakened by the time he lent the Red Crown out to the Lamb, which would have only weakened him further.
I like to think this is how the Lamb is able to defeat him if they refuse to be sacrificed, despite how it took all four Bishops working together to subdue and chain Narinder in the first place.
All that aside, the three cats have been trapped in the Afterlife for so long that Baal also wanted verbal reassurance that they are all, indeed, actually able to leave it now â something that I headcanon isnât possible without a significant amount of power (i.e. the Red Crownâs cooperation with its bearer/vessel).
(On a semi-related note, I donât headcanon Aym and Baal as twins. I like sweetheart big bro Baal and snarky little goth bro Aym too much to have them be that close in age.)
Ah, teeny thing: If you noticed I switched up the art style for Narinder on the second page, that was intentional. It's sort of a visual indicator that there has been a Big Change for him - that being, how much power he has after sacrificing the Lamb. As for why I changed up his arms in the grass rollin' pic, I don't really subscribe to the notion that his arms are spooky bones because they're horrifically injured (beyond chain-chafing scars, that is), but rather just because he's the Bishop of Death, so he can change how normal-to-spooky they look at will. At some point I might doodle out how I imagine his appearance to range between least to most eldritch... đ¤
Next ramble, regarding Narinderâs feelings towards the Lamb...he was initially too focused on being freed from his imprisonment to form any real attachment to them. They were a tool for his use, first and foremost, but he did notice their intense devotion towards him. It was impossible not to notice, because the Lamb was always very happy to see him, even if it was because they died during a crusade (yet again). He wasnât originally planning to revive them once he was freed, either, because he saw no real point to it â after all, they were already dead when they first met him, just as any other mortal would be when meeting him in the Afterlife, so death has very little real consequence in his eyes. But, once the chains were off, and it really sank in that he stood to lose the most devoted follower heâs ever had, he decidedâŚwhy put their soul to rest for good or leave them stuck in the Afterlife when he could just as easily revive them again? And why not reward them for their hard work, anyway? Not only would it cost him nothing by comparison, but the future devotion that could come of it would surely make up for his (bare minimum) effort in reviving them.
He wasnât expecting to get a full dose of that devotion and a smiling face so soon after killing them, though~ :3c (because the Lamb is a bonafide freak, and not-so-secretly into the fucked up power dynamics going on here, lol)
I should mention here that I am firmly of the belief that any non-god/vessel who crosses through the Gateway and into the Afterlife just straight up dies. So, Aym and Baal? Also straight up dead, from the second Shamura brought them through. Their souls were just never put to rest so that Narinder could have some company â if only according to Shamura. Narinder kept the two around mostly out of bewilderment, because honestly, who are these kittens, and what is Shamuraâs game here, anyway??? They never even explained anything, they just tossed these kittens into the Afterlife and LEFT!!! At any rate, Aym and Baal being dead is how I explain why their souls apparently become lost in the void if theyâre killed, along with the added complications required to revive the two because of it.
So, with those deets in mind, and given a bit of time, if Narinder hadnât chosen to revive the Lamb, and also hadnât chosen to put their soul to rest, they still would have woken up at some point, despite being as straight up dead as Aym and Baal. Who, donât worry, were also properly revived while Narinder was waiting for the Lamb to wake up. Because I am also firmly of the belief that, first, the dead cannot leave the Afterlife without the use of a ritual/relic (and can't stay in the living world for long regardless), and second, dead followersâ devotion isnât anywhere near as potent as that of the living, given how much more the living stand to lose.
Final ramble, regarding the Lambâs feelings towards Narinder, and why theyâre so devoted to himâŚ
Well, you donât spend most of your life on the run with your steadily-dwindling herd, trying to evade the ongoing genocide of your species, without becoming a little fucked up in the head. Maybe a lot fucked up in the head. Life is suffering, so might as well have fun with it, right? Maybe start finding death and pain to be kind of hilarious, even a little bit hot, once everyone you know and love is dead and gone, leaving you all alone? And maybe after that, thereâs something comforting in how, despite the cold, cruel uncertainties of life, at least you can always count on the inevitability of death, patiently waiting for you until your very last breath? Who knows. Either way, as soon as the Lamb was killed, and they learned that the literal God of Death was offering them a second chance at life and vengeance via effective immortality, they were 100% ride-or-die-devoted all at once. Turns out death is kinder than life â go figure. (Of course, it helps that Narinder is 100% their type.)
They werenât put off by Narinderâs thinly-veiled sadism or manipulations, either â theyâre not too different in those regards, albeit opting for vastly different methods. Itâs a very âtwo sides of the same coinâ sort of deal. In order to stay alive once they were made the last of their kind, the Lamb had no qualms with using others to their advantage, and that did not change once they were revived and expected to run a cult. They didnât care for the position of authority, though â being a sheep and all, theyâre much more of a follower than a leader, and thus greatly appreciated Narinderâs need for control. With how they had to keep on their toes for so long, the Lamb was also pretty good at reading people by the time they died, so they could recognize that a lot of Narinderâs posturing was just that â posturing. Dudeâs 95% bluster and only 5% bite. He could obviously be vicious when he wanted or needed to (the Bishops' injuries were clear proof of that), but underneath his outer layer of cruelty was a generous layer of tsundere, and underneath all THAT was a soft squishy middle sibling velcro cat in desperate need of attention and affection.
(Which, for the record, he Did Not feel comfortable getting from Aym and Baal â Narinder still has no idea why the fuck Shamura sent them to him, beyond acting as keepers at best or trying to sabotage his attempts to escape at worst. Which, he thought HE sabotaged in turn, by guiding the kittens into being his devoted disciples instead. He thought he was very clever for it. âI outsmarted Shamura!â he thought, despite that there was never anything there to outsmart. âWhat do you mean, Shamura sent your kittens to me for company?â he demands of Forneus later. It may or may not lead him to pull Shamura out of Purgatory just so he can shake them and scream about how they should have Fucking Explained that!!!)
But, getting back on track as to why the Lamb was so willing to be sacrificed, I cannot stress this enough â if you pay even a minimal amount of attention to what heâs saying, Narinder is REALLY NOT SUBTLE about his intentions. âDeath is of little consequence.â âFollowers are for you to use to your advantage.â âSacrifice a follower to absorb more power.â So, yeah, the Lamb knew exactly what would be expected of them once the other Bishops were dead. They knew Narinder would expect them to die for him one last time. But, after all, death is of little consequence (not to mention hot), so when the time came, they wanted to see him freed, even if it meant oblivion for them in the end.
Heâd given them a second life, and the ability to avenge their kin, and they felt indebted to him for that â so, while they were still pretty glum about the possibility that they might not get to see him free of his chains, nothing beyond their devotion and debt to him mattered. They never wanted all the drama and expectations that came with the Red Crownâs power, anyway, so, better for Narinder to have it back so that he could deal with it. What he did with the Lamb afterward would be up to him, and seeing as he was their god, theyâd accept his decision gladly.
Were they in love with him by that point? Oh, obsessively so, but only in the devotional sense â romance was nowhere on their mind nor radar. That is, until he unexpectedly revived them again, told them he still needed them, and then offered down his hand to help them up.
The Lamb fell HARD for him in that moment. :3c
And now, a tiny shitten ramble. Lu and Li are twins, because sheep tend to have those a lot, and are conceived not long after the Lamb and Narinderâs marriage ceremony. Lu is the minutes older one, but Li is much more mature. I have put no further thought into these two, other than that they are utter menaces, birthed by the Lamb, cling hard to both their parents but especially Narinder (who spoils them rotten), and they are both genderfluid, using whichever pronouns/names they feel like at any given time. They are also both intersex, same as the Lamb, who was initially infertile up until Something Something Vague Magic, which I have also put no further thought into ÂŻ\_(ăˇ)_/ÂŻ
oh, and before anyone tries to suggest i headcanon this AUâs lamb as trending more female due to them giving birth or whatever, no, no, a thousand times no, they might have a vag, but they've also got a dick, and even if it's not as big as they'd like, they still know how to use it
Finally, the very tentative name for the Lamb in this AU is Yazdi, which is really just another name for the Baluchi breed of sheep XD (Not that the Lamb is this specific breed, I just didnât like any of the other sheep-related names I found, ahaha...)
THATâS ALL FOR NOW (collapses into an exhausted pile of goopy limbs)
#fanart#comics#cult of the lamb#cotl#narilamb#cotl lamb#cotl narinder#cotl shitten#cotl mystic seller#cotl aym#cotl baal#aym and baal#this is why i have been especially quiet lately XD#even just the bonus stuff took several days to finish because i don't know the meaning of DOODLE anymore apparently#everything must be fully inked and colored with backgrounds I Fukken Guess#at least using medibang's sumi brush keeps me from focusing on making my lines perfect :\#and yeah i copy-pasta'd a lot of my own backgrounds don't at me bro#if you're on desktop and want to full view but don't know how: right click the image - open in new tab - zoom in as needed :)#feel free to ask questions about the AU if you want - but uh - this is basically the extent to which i've thought it through LOL#edit: oh right - aym and baal really out there assuming narinder already put the lamb's soul to rest so the body's just fodder now lmao#last edit i hope: fixed the transparent cult certified freak image 8|#nope - one more edit: there is one (1) loophole for how living mortals can be in the afterlife without dying#that loophole is currently narinder XD#'sorry universe but the god of death says i can be in here so back off with your rules and regulations'
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I recall saying this before, but it bears repeating:
There could be a billion trans people in the world and it still wouldn't be a bad thing because being trans is not a bad thing. Even if the rate of people discovering they are trans is "disproportionate" to trends from decades ago, that is not a bad thing. In fact, it's a natural consequence for there being more trans people being able to stay alive, and, overall, being able to live in a slightly more tolerant world. You'd only see that as a bad thing if you actively didn't want trans people to either live or live a life that facilitates wellness.
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#like even with there being more OPEN AND OUT trans people there are still more cis people by volume#even in my high school with three trans girls and three trans guys (including me) and a few NB people...#...there were still a THOUSAND cis kids going to school with us. imagine complaining when cis people are still 'dominant'#i don't know what my secondary school's population is because it's a big campus so you can deal with high school stats lol#like thank gd we are beginning to live in a world where the trans population CAN grow#i want there to be more trans people. because trans people will continue to be trans#we will continue being trans no matter what laws you put into place. no matter how dangerous you make the world for us...#...we will continue to be trans whether or not you approve. and that's fucking beautiful. i want us to live. i want us to eat well.#i want us to not worry about anything in this world. and that's going to happen one day. it will happen just like the sun rises each morning#if that is a threat to you then that is your own fault - your own self-destructive and sad thoughts about people and our world#and that is not my burden to carry - i have my own.
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REWATCHING PEARL'S EPISODE AND. I CAN'T BELIEVE I MISSED THIS:
"you two are looking mighty green today... are you ill? are you sick?" and then. pearl pulled out an enchanted diamond sword. a weapon. a threat. she held it for both of them to see as she said: "do you need help? i can assist you..."
she threatens them. sword in hand. threatens to relieve them of their lives. because isn't this how the game is supposed to be played? yellows kill dark greens for their lives. the misfortunate kill the fortunate. that's how it works. that's how it always has.
and then cleo says something she hadn't been expecting to hear:
"here's the question, pearl; do you need help?"
she had never been offered a life in last life; she'd only given them. in limited life her allies never offered her their time; she only took time from her enemies. she's never been offered a life. she'd never been offered help.
"...i would love help..."
she'd never been expecting them to help her. she came in the conversation expecting to take, like she always had, not be given.
"pearl, i'm happy for you to murder me, if required!"
he didn't even hesitate. he was happy to die for her. (later, mumbos words would ring through her head; âif they really loved you theyâd get you off yellow.â and thatâs what he had offered to do. did this mean scott really loved her? after everything?)
"...why are you both the way you are...?"
why are you both so nice to me? what did i do to deserve you?
#wild life smp spoilers#wild life smp#wlsmp#wlsmp spoilers#pearlescentmoon#zombiecleo#scottsmajor#wild life pearl#wild life cleo#wild life scott#trafficblr#traffic smp#life series#traffic series#//#in the end she refused their lives. his life. because she had been willing to take - not be given. she had never expected to be given.#because knowing they'd die for her (in mumbo jumbo's own words; that they really loved her)...#was enough to make her want to make sure they would never have to.#they wanted to show their love by dying for her. she would show it by living for them.
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hope you feel better soon!
I am riddled with ailments, but I stay silly!
#ask#non mdzs#My health journey has been: Hernia -> acid reflux -> Vocal pain due to aforementioned reflux -> chest infection.#I'm terrified to know what's about to hit me next. Please let it be something kind. PLEASE.#The consequence of living with linguists is that you'll wake up with a wacked up voice -#suddenly you're sitting you down in front of a program called something like Praat having your shimmer and jitter levels calibrated.#They gave me a GRBAS of 33012. I have a fun thing called a pitch break where a whole octave just does not exist.#My vocal pain was bad enough I ended up seeing a speech pathologist and that whole experience was super neat!#I learnt a lot about voice - to be honest I might make a little comic on it after some more research. Fascinating stuff.#For example; your mental perception of our voice modulates the muscles of the vocal folds and larynx.#meaning that when you do have changes (inflammation = more mass = lower frequency)#your brain automatically attempts to correct it to what it 'should sound like'. Leading to a lot more vocal strain and damage!#And it gets really interesting for trans voice care as well - because the mental perception of one's voice isn't based on an existing sampl#So a good chunk of trans voice training is also done with the idea of finding one's voice and retraining the brain to accept it. Neat!#Parkinsonial Voice also has this perception to musculature link! The perception is that they are talking at a loud/normal volume#but the actual voice is quite breathy and weak. So vocal training works on practicing putting more effort into the voice#and retraining the brain to accept the 'loud' voice as 'normal'.#Isn't the human body fascinating?#Anyhow; Now I have vocal exercises and strategies to reduce strain and promote healing.#Which is a lot better than my previous strategy of yelling AAAH in my car until my 'voice smoothed out'.#You can imagine the horror on the speech path's face. I am an informed creature now.#I'm my own little lab rat now. I love learning and researching. Welcome to my tag lab. Class is dismissed.#I'll be back later with a few more answered asks </3 despite everything I'm still going to work and I need the extra sleep.#Thank you for the well wishes! And if you read all of that info dump; thank you for that as well!
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~You were just a kid too, huh~
Again, I refuse to make adult mm link edgy sorry.
#tloz#link#majoras mask#ocarina of time#art#my art#redesign#loz redesigns round 2#i did oot link as 17 vs mm in his mid 20s#because again oot link is always called adult link and hes just not#but yes oot link is designed to look somewhat manicured#forced to grow up in the idealized form of the fairy boy turned solider as decided by the sages#whereas mm link looks more organic and scrounged together#i gave him a smaller sword inspired by the forest dweller one in b-tw/t-tk#vs the giant biggoron sword which he probably might own but probably isnt carrying around#or the heroes sword in t-p#he also has more white streaks in his hair from fierce deity/rampant time travel abuse#but yes i dont think this link is as angsty as t-p implies#while he might have some regrets about legacy i feel like it just kinda throws out mm#for him to have not kinda figured himself out enough to live a happy life#and rather that he probably just died a bit on the younger end#maybe late 50âs early 60âs
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The Immortal Weight of Tim Drake
Thereâs a part of Tim that he keeps buried deep inside, locked away so no one can see itâwill ever see it. He canât let them know. Not Dick, not Jason, not Bruce. Hell, not even Steph or Cass. Itâs better this way. Because the truth is, Tim Drake isnât like them. He canât stay dead.
No matter how many times it happensâhow many times a blade finds its way into his gut, a bullet catches him in the chest, or a fall from a skyscraper crushes every bone in his bodyâTim comes back. Not right away. No, it takes minutes, sometimes agonizing minutes, where he lies broken, breathless, and unmoving, with nothing but the darkness pressing in. He feels it each time. The quiet nothingness of death that should be final but never is.
Heâs not like Jason.
Jason died. Really, truly died. He was buried, mourned, and remembered as the second Robin. His grave sat cold, a monument to a boy too good for the world, too bright to last. And Jason, when he clawed his way out, became a zombie in every sense of the wordânot quite living but not quite dead either.
Jason knows what itâs like to rise from death, to feel like he doesnât belong, like a walking corpse.
But Tim doesnât know that part.
Tim knows what itâs like to die. He knows the brief moments of oblivion that come with it, the aching cold, the stillness. But heâll never stay dead. His revival is a guaranteed, while Jason's was a miracle. Heâll never have a grave. Never be mourned, because heâll always come back.
And thatâs what hurts the most.
No one sees him die. Heâs careful. So damn careful. On the rare occasions when he canât hide the fact that heâs dead for a few minutesâthose close calls where he doesnât get up fast enoughâhe brushes it off, masking the pain with a smile and a joke. If anyone noticed the blood pooling in his suit or the sickening sound of his heart stopping for too long, they never questioned it. The danger passes, and life goes on.
For them, anyway.
For Tim, it never really stops. Every death, every time heâs pushed past the edge, it weighs on him. He knows heâs playing with something dangerousâsomething unnatural. But what choice does he have? The truth is, itâs not just that he canât stay deadâitâs that he should be dead. So many times over, in fact.
There are days when Tim wonders if heâs meant to be this way. Maybe, in some twisted, cosmic joke, the universe decided that Tim Drake would be the one who canât die. Maybe itâs because Gotham needs someone like him. Someone to shoulder the risks no one else can take. After all, if Tim canât die, whatâs one more mission where death is a near certainty? Whatâs one more gamble with his life? It doesnât matter anymore, right?
And he doesnât want them to know, because the moment they know, everything changes. If Dick saw Timâs body cold and unmoving for just a little too longâif Bruce knew Tim had been gone, even for a heartbeatâwhat would they do? Tim knows exactly what theyâd do. Theyâd stop sending him on the dangerous missions. Theyâd protect him, smother him with concern, lock him away to preserve him like some fragile thing that canât be touched.
But the truth is, Timâs more dangerous now than heâs ever been. Because he can go where no one else can. He can risk everything, go into every deadly mission, every impossible scenario where the chance of survival is zero. Because heâs already proven that, for him, death is temporary.
That doesnât mean it doesnât hurt. It doesnât mean he isnât scared every single time it happensâwhen he feels life slipping away, the weight of his body going limp, his heart stopping, his breath gone. Thereâs that brief moment, that flicker of panic in his chest as he wonders, Is this the time I donât come back? Is this the one that sticks?
But then the pain rushes back, and so does his heartbeat.
Heâs alive again, and no oneâs the wiser.
Tim can die a thousand times over, but heâll always get back up. And thatâs his curse. To always come back. Even if it means heâll always be alone in the moments that matter most.
Heâll never have a grave. Never be mourned. But maybe thatâs the point.
Jason can have the grave, the tragedy, the return from death that breaks the world apart. Tim just⌠dies. And heâll keep dying. Keep coming back. Because thatâs what heâs meant for.
Itâs better if no one knows. If they donât know, they wonât hesitate to send him on the missions no one else could survive. Theyâll trust him to do what they canât. And Tim will keep shouldering that weight, carrying death with him like a shadow, never far from his heels.
Because for Tim, death isnât an ending. Itâs just another step in the fight.
#tim drake#tim drake angst#batfam#metahuman tim drake#immortal tim drake#tim drake can't stay dead#i have the idea that bruce and dick would try and keep tim as safe as they can bcs of the guilt of tim dying under their care#tim totally sees jason's death as a tragedy bcs he saw the aftermath of how it affected people#tim sees his own deaths as unimportant because when he dies nothing changes#no lives are missed and no one is mourned like they mourned jason#to him death is just another thing that happens and he comes back from
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mentally I'm still here:
Nico insisting that neither of them are going to be sacrificed/left behind to satisfy the prophecy is a perfect encapsulation of his growth over the series and it makes me SO soft to think about
Nico as a character - particularly in BoO - doesn't have a lot of self-preservation. He doesn't really care what happens to him as long as the mission gets done. We see this most explicitly after he almost fades into nothingness after the Bryce Lawrence incident:
And again when he considers shadow travelling into Octavian's tent to assassinate him:
(Nico himself notes here that it was unlikely he would survive another jump. If Will hadn't stopped him, he probably would have died.)
In both cases, Nico was willing to risk death for the sake of ending the war. He puts very little value on his own life, and repeatedly argues to Reyna, Hedge, and Will that the possibility of saving camp (a place he never felt welcome at, might I add) is worth the risk of losing his life.
Even before Nico went on the quest with Reyna and Hedge, the others were concerned about his safety. Percy tried to remind him how unpredictable his shadow travelling could be, and Hazel notes that he has been acting strangely lately:
It's not quite clear what Hazel is worried about here, but my interpretation of this scene is that she's concerned that Nico isn't thinking - or perhaps, isn't caring - about what effect the constant shadow travelling will have on his wellbeing. Between Tartarus, the jar, and the Cupid incident, Nico's mental state is at its worst at this point in the series, and I think Hazel is worried he'll do something reckless - something he can't come back from.
And so in TSATS, when Nico is told that he's going to have to leave something of equal value behind in order to save Bob, the old him would have had zero issue sacrificing himself if that's what it took to ensure Will and Bob's survival. This version of Nico, who's been going to therapy w/ Mr D and opening up more and built a little support system for himself, can't fathom it.
Nico in BoO did not have a future. He had fully convinced himself that nobody cared about him or would miss him if he was gone - not Percy who fought for him at every turn in PJO, not his sister Hazel, not his new friends Jason and Reyna. He was ready to leave both camps behind because he couldn't see himself ever being happy there. He couldn't see himself being happy at all.
But now, in TSATS, he has a boyfriend that he loves, he has friends that he loves, and he has a community in Camp Half-Blood. He has experienced so much loss that losing someone else is his worst fear. The old Nico would have considered sacrificing himself to protect Will and Bob. At the very least, he would have kept that option in his back pocket as a 'just in case'; he wouldn't have sworn on the Styx that he wouldn't stay behind.
This Nico, however, is doing much better - not perfect, but better. He loves Will, and he wants a life with him, and he's not willing to give that up for anything. Nico has hope for the future, and he's clinging to that hope with everything he has. He sees a light at the end of the tunnel, and he wants to reach it. He's not willing to sacrifice himself because it means losing that future.
Gone is the cynical pessimistic Nico who assumes the worst because the worst is all he thinks he can have. Here is the Nico who has had a taste of happiness and is willing to fight to keep it. He's not going to sacrifice himself because he wants to live. He's not just fighting for Will here; he's fighting for himself too.
And seeing him go from "if it kills me, it kills me" to "it's not going to be me" makes me so ASDFGHJKL
#nico di angelo#solangelo#tsats#meta#mine#some points of clarification I want to make here in the tags:#1) I don't think that Nico /wanted/ to die necessarily; only that he didn't care if he lived or died#2) I'm not arguing that getting a boyfriend 'fixed' nico#I don't think he ever would have been open to trying something with Will if he hadn't befriended Jason and Reyna first#ALSO i would argue that Nico's story from as early as BOTL has been about recovering and getting better and moving forward#he has been on this journey loooong before Will had ever entered the picture#his relationship with Will is not the reason he got better; it's the result of Nico choosing to get better on his own accord#because the pre-statue quest Nico would have never allowed himself to get close to another person
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The column began because I felt powerless in my own home.
#bridgerton#bridgertonedit#dailybridgerton#bridgertonblr#tvedit#televisiongifs#cinematv#perioddramaedit#perioddramagif#nicola coughlan#*mine#i loved this moment#it's about portia feeling powerless her whole life. not being able to have her own dreams. living through the lives of her daughters#and trying to gain control over her and their lives by extension#its about pen finding her own power in spite of it but also because of it#its about them both recognizing how similar they are. how badass they are#and its also about healing from the damage that was caused. recognizing that work needs to be done to amend what was broken#its all the featherington ladies finally being able to say what they want to say and feel what they feel#growth healing blooming and bugs
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they really put alicent in bridgerton blue on the reunion and genuinely expected me to think that she didnât in fact march all the way to dragonstone to get wifed up? bfr
#I am only a girl living in a society#I make connections#she looks so pretty in blue though I want more#also youâre telling me that rhaenyra saw her walk in all cute looking to not completely crumble at the sight of her?#like my girl got all dolled up for you do something#rhaenyra IS a puppy dog when it comes to those bambi eyes shut up#Alicent was like you think you want her? Iâm the love of your life you moron#and rhaenyra is like I KNOW#like sheâs been trying to get the other woman to realize that very thing for the last 15+ years#and alicentâs all heartbroken like oh so youâre taking her to wife#and rhaenyra is like nO? WHAT?? all dumb and speechless cause jealous alicent was definitely not on her bingo card this year#whilst also having her own mental breakdown#because how on earth is she meant to explain this to her councel#or jace for that matter#that sure was goint to be a fun future conversation to have with her heir#but also Alicent just strutted into the room and started acting like a scorned wife?#which left rhaenyra feeling like the asshole parent who stopped paying for child support after the divorce#but also she never wanted a divorce in the first place?? and alicent doesnât seem to get this?#like sheâs already figuring out how to most efficiently empty daemonâs chambers for the woman to move in permanently#but alicentâs still yapping off about not having a place in court anymore and fleeing across the sea#and rhaenyra canât help the bitter taste in her mouth as she states how that ship came in a little too late for them and it is messyyyy#hotd leaks#house of the dragon leaks#hotd spoilers#house of the dragon#house of the dragon spoilers#rhaenicent#alicent hightower#rhaenyra targaryen#bridgerton
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