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đ¨ svt spoiling their partner.
â
prompt: how ot13 spoils their partner? đĽšđĽšđĽš i am just a girl give me treats c/o @shinwonderful
â established relationship, pet names, fluff. headcanons under the cut. special thanks to @chugging-antiseptic-dye for helping! âĄ
đ¨ read more?
seungcheol đš planning dates. he will refuse to let you lift a finger for your day out. everything will be meticulously laid out, finetuned to be something that you'll enjoy. his goal is to lessen the mental load of decision-making and planning; he wants you to be able to focus solely on enjoying the surprise, and he'll break his back to make sure that happens.
jeonghan đš 'parallel play'. even if the two of you might not be interested in the same things, that's okay. he's happiest to spend quality time with you at home, where the two of you are free to do your own thing within eachother's presence. just being in your vicinity already makes him content, and so he plans everything around the two of you getting to explore and share your respective hobbies.
shua đš acts of service. need help with your taxes? need someone to fill up your tank? he's already on it. he'll say that these are all 'little things', call it the bare minimum, when it's apparent that he makes it a conscious effort to make your day-to-day easier. his brand of spoiling you comes in the form of quietly doing things that will improve your quality of life.
junhui đš buying clothes you'll like. he can't help it, really. when he sees an article of clothing that he thinks suits your style? when he finds a local brand that shares your advoacy? he's already pulling out his wallet. he likes the idea of dressing you up. nothing makes him happier than knowing you're wearing an outfit that he entirely picked out for you.
soonyoung đš daily reasons why he loves you. people always joke that he has a bit of a motormouth, so why shouldn't he use it on talking about you, you, you? he's big on words of affirmation, on making sure you never doubt how he feels for you. he'll point out the little and big things that make him adore you, and it's never the same reason twice.
wonwoo đš indulging your interests. he may not always understand these trendsâ blind boxes, must-have fashion pieces, et ceteraâ but he'll never make you feel bad about it. if there's anything that you want, he's already doing everything within his power to get it. his greatest joy is seeing your face light up once he's gotten you your 'priority' item; it's why he keeps doing it in the first place.
jihoon đš trying new things for you. there's a long list of things that jihoon never thought he'd do, but then he started dating you. time and time again, he willingly goes out of his comfort zone to accompany you on the little adventures and experiences that you ask to go on. he does these things scared, does them anxious, does them begrudgingly,â does them all for you.
seokmin đš meals he thinks you'll like. he's the type to have dozens of tabs open for homemade recipes dot com. he knows he's an amateur at this, but he's undeterred in trying. whether it's a trending pastry on tiktok or the comfort meal that your mother makes you, he's determined to learn it so you're always eating well.
mingyu đš getting-to-know card games. he gives as good as he takes, which means mingyu's way is to listen and remember. a night where the two of you can just have deep conversations with no interruptions is his ideal evening. he will know he succeeded if the two of you end up talking until the sun rises, feeling like the hours haven't passed at all.
minghao đš postcards from tour stops. he loves art and he loves you. his postcards are pocket-sized reminders of those facts, always packaged with a few choice words that are sweet and sincere. his trinkets are very "i-got-you-this-because-it-reminded-me-of-you" in nature, and you know each one was purchased with you at the front of mind.
seungkwan đš getting you your favorites. he figures he should put his industry connections to use somehow. he's always amused by how happy you get over a rare photocard, signed album, or concert tickets, and so he keeps it up. buying dozens of albums, contacting other labels, bearing the arduous ticketing. your excitement at the end of it makes it all worth it.
vernon đš producing songs. he hadn't really pegged himself as the making-music-for-the-sake-of-it type until he met you. now, he revels in getting to send you a track that's for your ears only. all the lyrics just seems to flow naturally when it's you inspiring him, and so he sends you works-in-progress with reminders that you're the only intended audience.
chan đš at-home massages. he's all too familiar with the aches of an ailing body, so he knows exactly how and where to work on you. he always does what he calls 'the works'â a good bath, scented candles, essential oils. he lets you take your time, and he takes his time with you in helping you unwind.
âş scroll through all my work ŕ´Śŕľŕ´Śŕ´ż ËÍĚęłËÍĚ )⧠᜝ đ đ° .á my masterlist | @xinganhao
#svt x reader#seventeen x reader#svt fluff#seventeen fluff#svt imagines#seventeen imagines#svt smau#seventeen smau#ââ áľáľ ⌠mine#ââ áľáľ ⌠reqs#[ need this . Rn . pls ]
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Part 3! Ratchet and Deadlock time.
The ray of sunshine has left, leaving us in the cold dark of the angst.
Ratchet works through some stuff.
âââââââââââââââââââââââ
Ratchet hadnât actually meant for the conversation to start with Roddy.
The medic had wanted to fully explain why heâd left the Mecha Program for awhile. His outburst earlier cementing the fact he needed to get it off his chest, or heâd start lashing out at the wrong people.
Again.
The Kid deserved to know what staying with him could drag him into. Ratchet kept his hands busy cleaning his bowl in the shop sink.
Hot Rod, Ratchet realized, was a good enough bridge into the topic. Someone Deadlock could put a face to. Not just nameless pilots upon pilots.
âThereâs a condition called Congenital Insensitivity to Pain. CIP for short. The abbreviated explanation is sometimes humans can be born without the ability to feel pain or that the sensation of pain doesnât translate correctly to the brain. Itâs a very dangerous condition to have since it means that the person doesnât get the usual warning signs thatâs somethingâs wrong.â
The bowl was completely clean but so long as Ratchet didnât turn around, he could pretend he was just training a med student.
âSo that question about âweird pressuresâ. You were checking for damage Hot Rod doesnât know heâs sustained due this CIP condition?â
Kid was smarter than he gave himself credit for. Ratchet thought for not the first time. He almost got it right.
âHot Rod doesnât have CIP. Not actual CIP.â
Ratchet put the bowl down, his hand not moving from the faucet after turning it off.
âHe wasnât born with it. Because I caused it.â
âââââââââ
âI was so damn proud.â Said Ratchet.
At the time, he was. The integration process for recruits to become pilots was horrific. Excruciatingly painful. And something out of a science fiction movie.
In order to condition the human nervous system to work with the mecha neural interface, it necessitated mapping out every nerve and neuron in the pilots body.
While conscious.
Orion came up with the best analogy for it once: You could create a perfect 3 dimensional map of an entire ant colonyâs nest. Provided you poured enough molten lead down the hole.
Ratchet wasnât one to standby watching friends or strangers suffer, so he rolled up his sleeves and set his mind to fixing the whole damn thing.
On the line between man and machine, Ratchets role in the mecha program was right on the fence.
Specifically, heâd started very close to the fence on the side of the machines, and during the course of the program, picked up enough extra PHDâs to hook a leg over said fence to reach across and start smacking the shit out of some particularly stupid doctors handling the men.
Ratchet worked for years along side Pharma and Shockwave to make the integration process less permanently damaging.
Common long term side effects were: Blurry Vision Jazz, Disassociation Swoop, Memory Loss Sludge, Paralysis Snarl, Nerve Damge Slag, Internal Hemorrhaging Grimlock, Altered Personality Shockwave, and Brain Death Orion.
There were dozens more faces Ratchet could pair with any given symptom.
Eventually, Ratchet got his lucky break. A fresh batch of recruits to try his tweaked integration process on. Hot Rod was one of them.
Ratchet had thought heâd hit a breakthrough. But he couldnât. He couldnât publish it yet. Not until he was sure.
Hot Rod aced the physical and mental exam. The rest of his test group did pretty well too. They werenât cream of the crop. The higher ups didnât want to risk loosing more valuable pilots to an experiment. When Pharma had already established an âacceptable level of careâ that nicely suited them.
Ratchet personally watched the lot of them like a hawk. Just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
It didnât come. Hot Rod was fine. The whole group was fine.
He was so damn proud.
The pilots went straight into mecha training and then-
They dropped like flies.
It was on the bad end of the bell curve for pilot fatalities. Ratchet thought it had to be the new series of mecha that had been built at the same time. Heâd switched into engineering mode to rectify that. They had glaring safety issues where the flamethrowers and thrusters intersected. Plus, it wasnât unusual for the mecha program to just have particularly rough seasons. The tentacled fucks were out in swarms. And by god was that a bloody summer for everyone.
It happened three days after the last big fight. Pretty much everyone who came back alive came back with some sort of injury. Except for Hot Rod, who Pharma gave a clean bill of health.
Ratchet was in his corner of the medical wing, looking over his proposal for the new integration method when Jazz dragged Hot Rod into his office.
Red flag number one: Jazz was a nightmare patient who avoided the med wing like a bear trap.
He tried. Goddamn it if Jazz didnât try, but he was physically incapable of getting through medical procedures without being heavily sedated. The last time Ratchet tried to do minor stitches with only a local anesthetic, Jazz panicked and damn near broke his arm.
Jazz and Hot Rod were both wearing shorts, t-shirts and sneakers. Judging from the smell, they had just gotten here from the rec room. Probably basketball or maybe dodgeball.
Ratchet had gone through a full medical checklist before they finished coming through the door. Neither looked sick or injured. Nothing was obviously wrong beyond the clear look on Jazzâs face that said âSomething is actually very wrong.â
Jazz wheeled Hot Rod in front of Ratchet.
âShow him.â
Hot Rod looked more embarrassed than in desperate need of medical attention.
âIâm fine Jazz, I probably just need to stretch.â
Jazz waved his hand cutting him off. Ratchet would usually start telling them off by now but something stopped him.
âHot Rod raise your arms above your head. Both of them.â
The red headed pilot reluctantly obeyed. His right arm lifted straight up above his body. His left. Hot Rod made a face of concentration, as his left arm refused to go any higher than his head.
Three days.
Hot Rods shoulder had been dislocated for three days and no one fucking noticed.
Ratchet chewed out Jazz at first thinking heâd caused it. Then he chewed out Hot Rod for not coming to medical as soon as he knew about the injury.
And then, something very cold settled into his stomach the more and more Hot Rod swore he didnât notice. That it didnât even hurt.
âRatchet, Iâm fine!â
He should have been in pain. In agony after three days.
Later, Ratchet would go through each medical file of every pilot he had been responsible for. They had all had ailments in their files. Minor visible injuries that were all taken care of. Major ones went surprisingly smoothly. Patient notes praising the med staff for keeping them so comfortable. Praising him. Not one pilot had made a single pain med request since going through the integration process. On his files, there was one surviving active duty pilot from the same integration process.
Ratchetâs integration process.
ââââââââ
âHot Rod said he forgave me.â Ratchet laughed. A little too wet and little too rough.
âJust like that.â
Whenâd he start shaking?
Ratchet still didnât, couldnât look the Kid in the eyes. âI left, not long after. Thereâs so much fucking more that was happening. That was the last straw, because when I told Shockwave and Pharma, those heartless fucks wanted to make it standard across the board. Soldiers that canât feel pain? Of fucking course they wanted that. Didnât matter the fatality rate was nine times as high.â
Ratchets voice was getting worse. But he couldnât stop. âI thought I could fix it all from the inside. I thought as long as I stayed I could be some, fucking moral compass to a bunch of greedy, prideful, fucking deranged people. I was an egotistical IDIOT that thought I could somehow save every doomed kid tricked into walking into that ânecessary evil.â I actually believed I could-â
Ratchet was abruptly cut off from his ranting as two massive hands grabbed him around the waist and deposited him on a ledge, at eye level.
âKid, what-â Deadlocks eyes looked shiny.
âI-I canât keep looking down at you.â
The two of them sat in silence.
Neither seemed to know or want to start talking again right away. Ratchet was used to stewing in regrets on occasion. That had felt more like putting those regrets into a blender and then forgetting the lid.
Deadlocks plating was pulled tight. Ratchet had almost forgotten what he looked like when he was stressed. He wanted immediately to take it all back. Make it better. See him laugh drunk and cozy again like yesterday.
âKid, Iâm sorry. That- that was too much to put on you.â Deadlocks hands werenât gripping him anymore but resting on either side of the ledge. Ratchet pet small circles on a thumb that twitched slightly under his hand.
Deadlock straightened and looked at him with a steely expression, mouth tense, eyes determined.
âYou are one of the most intelligent, stubborn, and caring people Iâve ever met. Nope.â Deadlock corrected himself, lifting a hand. âTHE most intelligent, stubborn and caring person that exists.â He dragged out the syllables of that last word.
âYou!â He poked Ratchet in the chest. âSaved me. And Iâm fragging terrible.â
Ratchet took offense to that, âYouâre not terrible and youâre worth saving!â
Deadlock grinned, âThe worst thing you can possibly say about yourself is that you care too much to put up with some kind of slagged up torture facility. Which, by the way, I am still fully offering to blown up.â
âStill full of innocent people kid.â
âOkay kidnapping then. I say we nab Hot Rod first.â
Ratchet leaned back against the wall and made one of those desperate chuckles you only hear when someone has their face buried in their hands. âKid. The quintessons.â
That took a little wind out of his sails.
âThe system is fucking broken and trust me I want to see it all burn someday. But weâre in a goddamn war. And as much as I hate the mecha program, itâs the best shot at survival we have.â Ratchet watched Deadlocks finales pin back again.
He offered a palm to Ratchet, who after a momentâs consideration, not very gracefully scooted on. Instead of lowering him to the floor, Deadlock brought him to his face. His eyes closed and he gently bumped his medic with his forehelm.
âWhatever you need. Just ask. Please.â
Ratchet sighed and rested his own forehead against the cybertronian. âI want you take care of yourself. I told you all that stuff so you understand why Iâm fighting giants here and you can decide to back out. They can hurt you kid. Kill you. I donât even want to think about what would have happened if Shockwave found you instead of me.â
Deadlock snorted, âPlease, do you think any of those suits could handle me?â
Ratchet tapped his hand to put him down, which Deadlock obliged. He hummed.
âWell I can think of three candidates off the top of my head, but one got lost in space and the other might technically be a zombie.â
âWhatâs the third?â
Ratchet started shrugging on a coat, âHot Rod.â
He smirked a bit as Deadlocks finales snapped up in offense. âWhat? Absolutely not. No fragging way that little rust spot can beat me in a fight.â
Ratchet began packing a go bag of medical supplies, âWell I was going to keep it to myself, but part of the reason I brought him in was because I asked Hot Rod to look out for you where I canât.â
He slung the heavy bag over one shoulder. âPlus, I knew Hot Rod was going to love you. He sees the best in people. And kid?â Ratchet paused at the door.
âYouâre someone special.â
âââââââââââââââââââââââ
Itâs always darkest before the dawn. ThisâŚhas become a four parter. Dang. Good news is the ray of sunshine will return in style next time.
Some extra tid-bits, I got a head canon that the main side effect Jazz got from the integration process (other than PTSD) is blurry vision. He can see fine while hooked into a mech but canât get his eyes to focus properly as a human. So Ratchet whipped up a visor that tricks his eyes into thinking heâs still looking through a mecha so he can see normally.
Also, a lot of you guys guessed correctly what was going on with Roddy! Good job everyone!
Lastly I have nothing personal against the dinobots if you love them Iâm very sorry.
The next (last?) part will be much brighter. Because the suns coming back.
- SSTP
Oh.....oh fuck....wait WAIT THIS HAS SO MUCH MORE LAYERS THAN I WAS EXPECTING OH MY GOD
I was like. Okay huh. So Roddy can't feel pain right? He must be having this rare condition and? I don't really see where this is going? Huh. Guess it's time to find ouUUUUUH FUCK.
Please. Oh my god. The fact that Ratchet was the one who made him to be like that??? This gives both of them and their dynamic more layers than in a freaking onion. And Roddy didn't just suffer from Ratchets actions. He forgave him. Because OF COURSE he did, he's always giving everyone a second chance I LOVE THIS CONCEPT SO MUCH YOU HAVE NO IDEA
#maccadam#transformers#tf mecha universe#mecha writing#mecha rl writing#mecha dr writing#mecha art#mecha rl art#ratchlock#Hot rod#deadlock#ratchet#Pharma and Shockwave continue to be evil
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More Transformers x Reader Headcanons
Various Transformers thoughts and nonsense
Soundwave/Blaster
⢠Cassette carriers can make a very specific crooning sort of purr thatâs meant to soothe or coax unruly cassettes. Most of the time itâs not even a conscious thing. Which isnât a problem except around humans. Because of our size, we can trigger that instinctive sound by accident if weâre upset. Even if the Cybertronian doesnât even particularly like us or care for us at the time, leading to some⌠awkwardness.
Earthspark Soundwave
⢠âSilence,â he snarls, looming over you, big servos flexing in what youâd already figured out was an empty threat. Big and scary wonât actually hurt you, just threatening when youâre getting on his nerves. Aware of the cassettes watching the exchange, of Lazerbeak glaring at you in an attempt to telegraph how bad an idea it is, you know heâs right. But pushing Soundwaveâs buttons is just too fun.
⢠âOr what? You canât actually make me do anything, can you?â You just grin up at him. Insolent, little brat. Striding after you, he sees you glance back at him and the exact moment your attitude falters. Lunging for you as you scream and run. Aware of how undignified this is as his cassettes watch the drama. Seizing you as you kick and fight against him, heâs not sure what to do know. Just wants you to shut up. Not try to pick fights at every turn. âWhat are you doing? Are you purring?â The shaky question makes him freeze in horror. Realizing he is crooning at you like he would a cassette. Snarling, he releases you and you stumble away, staring up at him as Frenzy makes a strangled noise trying not to laugh. Because he didnât just do that for a human. For you especially.
⢠Theyâre also very likely to try to carry a human around in their cassette compartment for safety, but also because they like having your warmth there. It can also be a way of ending an argument, picking you up and placing you inside like an errant cassette until you cool down, while crooning at you.
Body Language
⢠Cybertronians with wings/ door wings do unconsciously telegraph their emotions with them, but while wings lifted up is a sign of aggression in a Seeker, itâs a friendly or alert gesture in nonflyers. And can cause misunderstandings.
⢠Antenna can function much the same way and tend to be sensory appendages and, as such, very sensitive. The way they flick or move making them targets for curious humans. Touching a Cybertronianâs antenna because theyâre cute comes across as an invitation to interface or can cause aggression. Or both.
TFP Shockwave
⢠Feet silent as you move closer to where his head is resting on his outstretched arm, you bend to check that his single optic is dim. Falling asleep at his desk while working isnât exactly anything new, but staring up at the screen of alien gibberish, the graphs, and diagrams, you really wish you could make sense of it as you wrap your arms around yourself. Movement draws your attention back to him as his antenna flick in his recharge. Youâd decided they look like bunny ears at some point, but havenât dared to point that out to him. Doubt heâd be pleased to hear you call him cute.
⢠Shuddering as he comes awake to the feel of soft little hands playing with his antenna, his optic flares, arm shifting to flatten you against his head with a warning growl. Hears your little squeak of surprise as you grab onto his antenna for balance and his whole frame shivers. Canât move, his cannon pressing against your back to pin you against him. Torn between the desire to encourage that touch and the urge to drop you and back away, because it feels too good.
Seekers
⢠When under extreme duress, Seekers will hiss, the noise typically accompanied by a whistling from their turbines thatâs meant to call their trine for help.
⢠Seekers naturally gravitate toward forming trines and can be aggressive to outside trines, but several trines will band together against a common threat. In Everything is Alright, the elite trine is broken. True Romance is a better example of a healthy trine dynamic. In Everything is Alrightâs universe, Iâd intended to use the Rainmakers as an example of the normal dynamic, but made the True Romance alternate take instead. The drive to form trines in Seekers is so strong, they can also unconsciously form trines with non-Seekers if theyâre around the other Cybertronians constantly, though theyâre unlikely to admit to the mental association, finding it embarrassing.
Rainmakers
⢠Thereâs no such thing as alone time, not even resisting when an arm curls around you and drags you back into a warm frame. Shivering when your hair begins to float, and a mouth finds your throat. âMissed you,â Ion Storm murmurs, your skin prickling wherever he touches you. Even though itâs only been hours by your estimate since you last saw him. Hear Acid Storm make a low, rumbling noise of amusement from where heâs setting out energon cubes for them and food for you.
⢠About to walk by, Nova Storm reaches out to touch a stray strand of your staticky hair. Giving in to impulse and moving to pin you between him and Ion Storm, relaxing at the feel of your much cooler body against his own. âFuel first,â Acid Storm growls without any real heat. Making a sound of acknowledgment, he cups your throat and tips your face up toward his, mouth brushing yours as you soften against him, relaxing into the heat of his touch. âI know you two can hear me.â
Mixed Signals
⢠Especially a problem with more aggressive Cybertronians- when arguing humans will sometimes just walk away to get some space to calm down. Unfortunately, that can come across as an invitation to follow with Decepticons in particular. A challenge. Continuing to ignore them or avoid them, upping their aggression and even seen as flirting or attempts to get their attention.
TFP Megatron
⢠âWhere are you going?â That low, angry growl makes the hair at your nape prickle. He has a point though, trapped on his berth with the mass displaced mech, thereâs nowhere to actually go. Except away from him right now, because youâre over arguing with him. Need to calm down and for him to just leave you alone for a minute. Which isnât happening when you hear his heavy peds following you.
⢠Stalking after you as you ignore him, that aggression shifts and heats, becoming hunger. Catching your arm to force you to stop, you spin towards him, palm smacking against his face. âDonât you dare, Iâm angry with you.â Growling, he hauls you off your feet against him, chuckling when you slap him again and his spike stirs at your defiance. Wonders who youâre trying to convince, him or yourself as his mouth crashes down on yours.
⢠Decepticons and Autobots are often taken off guard when humans do something they think is cute. Yawning, sneezing, the way we get flustered are all fascinating to some of them, making them try to provoke reactions. Decepticons especially, have trouble dealing with humans being affectionate or sweet. Gently stroking their helm or curling up against them can be so unexpected they may gently bite in reprimand just because they donât know how to respond.
⢠Humans tend to be tactile and want to touch everything. Cybertronians not used to this can be taken off guard when trying to offer a human a ride in their alt mode. Not realizing weâll touch anything in reach, admiring them without understanding how sensitive their interiors are. These are surfaces that are never really handled. More of them will just tolerate the touch if itâs a familiar human, while others will forcibly eject them or snarl at them not to touch. Especially if the touch comes across as intimate.
Bluestreak
⢠Struggling to focus on the road as you run your fingers against his dash, shifting distractingly in his seat, a hand on his shifter, Bluestreak swallows a whine. âItâs so wild. I canât believe the amount of detail you incorporated,â you say, a fingertip tracing a tooled leather seam to make him shudder all over. âUm, are you okay?â No. Not at all. And far too embarrassed to actually say anything because heâs not sure if heâd ask you to stop or beg you to keep touching him with those soft hands.
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Random Thought About Debilitated Planets in Vedic Astrology (Pt. 1)
Sometimes, I wonder how just because a planet is debilitated, it's already bad. Sure there will always be that argument that said planet cannot perform due to being uncomfortable or outside of comfort zone... But if we use that argument to prove otherwise, it can make sense how debilitated planets might actually turn out good. ESPECIALLY if your eyeing to move abroad and have foreign settlement.
DISCLAIMER: I am not a professional astrologer, moreso in Vedic, nor am I knowledgeable about Hindu contexts. So please take what I say with a grain of salt. Any feedback will be appreciated since I'm also learning Vedic.
So to continue, 4th house is said to be the house of comforts. If we use the argument for debilitation, it should imply the opposite of 4th house. I wouldn't mean the 10th house, but the signification of comfort which is discomfort. But 4th house also belongs to homeland, and opposite to homeland is foreign lands.
Another thing is that foreign lands is signified by the 12th house. 12th house is also the house of loss, and guess what...? Debilitation is the loss of strength of a planet, or is it?
My point is, planets don't necessarily lose its overall strength, but like the comfort argument, it just feels out of zone. But if you actually dabble on the "discomfort", you might actually end up strengthening that debilitated planet for good.
Discomfort here could mean, doing the things that are the opposite to your planetary significations OR embodying that planet's energy OUTSIDE your comfort place. Let's go through each planets.
Debilitated Sun (in Libra)
What I often hear about debilitated Sun is that "you put the king in the marketplace" and that "the king is uncomfortable in dealing with the common people". Libra represents market and the masses, but with Sun being in this sign, it can actually give one the potential to be an exemplary leader who people can easily connect to. You can also see it in a way that it helps you turn down your ego. Compromising here and being fair and diplomatic can actually make you more respected and famous (as the usual Sun functions).
It can also be taken as being a conventional leader, charismatic person, or main person AWAY from your homeland. You could actually be more egoistic (for good) in foreign lands.
Debilitated Moon (in Scorpio)
Ah, yes, when emotions are too much that it constricts you and prevents you to breathe... except that this can actually make you a genuine person in the realm of emotions. Okay, sure, Scorpio is also associated with secrecy, and it makes Moon very very suppressed. But Moon is not only just emotions, but also psyche. In one's psyche, the shadow is always there and the Moon is no stranger to shadows and darkness since it rises at night where it illuminates the sky. This can make one have a very strong intuition and makes one more equipped in psychologically transcending themselves. Without intensity and secrets, one cannot easily unearth the subconscious and even conscious matters.
It can also be taken as having a more evolved psyche and better emotional regulation/mental health and more abundant comforts when AWAY from homeland.
Debilitated Mars (in Cancer)
THIS. Is quite a poetic debilitated planet. So Mars is the soldier, it's all about fighting. But the thing is, you can't really make the home (Cancer) a battlefield. Now there's a beautiful quote/question that could present as a beautiful argument to this, "Would you rather be a warrior in the garden or a gardener in a war?" What many people get wrong about nurturing is that it's about the gentle/soft/maternal energy, but you can nurture anyone by being strongheaded and a fighter. I don't mean this in a way that you nurture people by being an abusive warfreak, heck no. What this can show is that, it makes one "okay" with channeling their anger for the sake of standing up for themselves and those who they consider "family". There are many parents who demonize anger and confrontation, but one can never know peace without knowing conflict and how to fight for oneself. This can make one a solid protector.
It can also be taken as you being more assertive, ambitious, willing to stand up for self and others when AWAY from homeland.
There are more planets, but I think this is what I can write for now. I'll make parts 2 (or more, depends).
Enjoy!
#vedic astro notes#vedic astrology#Debilitated#Surya#Sun#Libra Sun#Moon#Scorpio Moon#Chandra#Mangal#Mars#Cancer Mars#astro observations#Debilitated planets
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Its once again 11 pm and I once again have not eaten dinner yet because being depressed makes me dysfunctional especially when it comes to food
I'm going to be so glad to be with my mom on Saturday, I always eat well at my mom's
But when I'm alone and going through a depressive episode my diet is shit, i eat very little and very delayed and making a proper meal feels like too much work so i dont have a well rounded diet like I usually do and dear god why must my depression be like this
Why must it deprive me of food
Food is so important
It's not that I hate food, it's not that I'm afraid to get fat or anything (and getting fat wouldn't be bad in any way either) but I just do not care. I do not feel like eating anything and everything feels as too much work to prepare. I do not crave anything and thus do not know what to eat and resolve it by not eating at all
It sucks so hard guys, my stomach freaking hurts and is begging me to eat food but I don't want to get up and even if I did get up I wouldn't know what the fuck I want to eat
My depression has been going on for like almost a month at this point I'm so fucking sick of it, let me fucking go back to being a somewhat functional human who's able to enjoy things instead of being apathy incarnate who desires to lie in bed all day
#lena whines#vent#and like even if i gave easily prepared ready made food#that only needs to be popped in the microwave??#it still feels like too much effort to eat#because fuck me i guess#i know this will pass eventually and that ill be fine in the end#but holy fuck it sucks so bad rn#and i dont even fucking know whats wrong with me or what my body/brain wants from me#and the process of getting a new therapy place is also stressful as fuck#and convoluted#and i keep feeling like im not being taken serious outside of my close help people#doctors keep thinking that it will sort itself with surface level support#and like no my brain is clearly fucked up as this is a reoccuring issue and i have unresolved trauma#i just dont fucking know what help i need precisely because my brain likes to hide my problems from my conscious mind#i fucking hate it here (here being my brain)#sorry for going off but im just so fucking tired of feeling like shit#and feeling powerless to do anything about it#because there are no bad conscious thoughts#just the shitty apathy and heavy sadness and exhaustion#i want to resume my freaking life
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i've seen model steve harrington aus. i've seen child steve harrington aus. i present: child model steve harrington
note: this came from my own desperate need to see this conceptualized and i SWEAR i've searched, i just can't find any content with child model steve so. :(
bc little steve harrington was remarkably cherub-like. his large brown eyes and soft pout ensured endless cooing and fussing from his mom's friends. and when he blushed and ducked his head in shyness, they only complimented him more. when he got home that day, his mom smiled at him.
so steve decided that he would put up with the cheek pinching and the squealing. he sat upright in his chair, sitting on his hands so he wouldn't fidget and ruin the image. because he'd do anything to keep his mom smiling at him. if he was being particularly good that day, she'd let him lay his head on her lap on the drive back home.
but everything changed at his father's birthday gala. a nearly eight year old steve harrington sat prim and proper in his seat, but a smile lit up his face--his cheeks round and his dimples showing up. he raised his hand up to cover his giggle, but he couldn't help but laugh at some silly old man with a loose toupee. then he sees his mom approaching, and his face quickly smooths over, going back to the more polite smile he usually adopted when it came to these events.
he'd ruined it. he hadn't continued being the sweet boy his mom wanted. but then, she smiles at him. and introduces him to the man behind her, who says he's a designer. the man holds out his hand, but when steve puts his hand into his palm, he doesn't shake it. the man simply holds his hand, his eyes scanning steve's face. steve tries not to squirm under the attention. but the man nods and smiles at his mom, and he gives two brief cheek kisses to steve, whispering in his ear "you're going to be a star, darling." steve looks at his mom, confused, but she waves him off to continue talking to the man.
a few months later, steve's mom whisks him off on a trip to france. and steve is so excited to go, nearly vibrating in his seat as the airplane prepares to take off. but instead of the eiffel tower and the seine, steve is taken to a studio. he's posed and changed. once again, he's being fussed over, but instead of wealthy socialites, gossiping make-up artists squeal over him. he's "perfect for the shoot" and "the most darling little boy." steve doesn't understand, but his mom is still smiling, so he lets the nice ladies brush powder over his face.
and he looks in the mirror. his hair is a little more tousled and his lips have a slight tint to them and his eyes seem to take up much of his face. he's put into new clothes, and he feels like a doll in their hands. and when he's put in front of the camera, he simply follows the photographer's directions. afterwards, he's bundled into the car and his mom can't stop gushing about how good he was.
apparently, he's a natural. and then she goes back to fussing over him, focusing more on appearance than his behavior now. but she takes him out shopping and they eat at an upscale restaurant along the champs-elysses. and steve is happy.
and then they go back home, and his mom is so much stricter than before. she has him try out all kinds of different hair products, determined to find the best combination to keep it looking shiny and soft. she controls his food intake and what he wears and makes him use weird creams and serums on his face. but this is what makes his mom happy, so he's happy to let her.
his mom is also on the phone a lot more lately, whispering harshly about the quality of brands and steve just assumes she's being picky about the clothes she buys. later, his mom picks him up and holds him, and asks if he'd like to move to italy. she looks at him intently and it's obvious what answer she wants, so steve nods. she smiles and holds him close, and it's the most loved steve has felt in a while.
so they move to italy, and suddenly steve is a lot more busy. he's put in front of more cameras for more people he doesn't know. but he's smiling and pouting and doing whatever they want him to do. his compliant attitude and polite nature have photographers and designers alike singing his praises, and steve always looks to his mom for approval. but she's been arguing with his dad a lot lately, so she's upset more often than not. but that's okay, the make-up artists are always kind to him.
but then one day, his mom takes a phone call in the middle of the shoot. and when it finishes, she's gone. steve goes back in, close to tears, but the make-up artists still hanging around look after him until a car is sent to pick him up. this becomes a trend. and eventually, steve goes alone to his shoots. he's always taken care of by the crew and someone is always there to pick him up, but it's not fun without his mom there.
but he knows that she's always enjoyed him taking pictures, so he continues to do so, hoping that she'll come watch him again sometime soon. and he busies himself with befriending the chatty make-up artists and the bossy photographers and the eccentric designers. and he's such a cute little thing that they can't help but dote on him.
steve is never catapulted into child stardom, as his mom is picky with his jobs, only choosing luxury brands and well known designers for him. but within the industry, they call him the "little prince."
and then steve is catapulted into puberty, but his intense skin regimen prevents him from getting acne, save for the occasional zit. and his diet and religious exercise schedule help maintain his look. and he's still doing remarkably well, especially now that he's fully aware that he is a Model.
and steve has truly grown into his looks. with time, he's grown more comfortable in front of the camera and made numerous friends. nearly all of them are older than him, but they're fun and loud and it fills up the space that normally surrounds him. and they're the ones who get him hooked on american movies. steve remembers living in america, but he's been in milan so long that everything he recalls is vague.
but he watches them and falls in love with the american high school experience. so when he finally catches his mom off the phone and actually in the house, steve asks if he can go to school in america. and his mom laughs. but steve keeps asking, which devolves into begging. and his mother snaps, slapping him across the face and calling him ungrateful. she cries and begs for forgiveness, cowed into shame by steve's desperate attempt to hold back tears.
and so she lets him go to school in hawkins, indiana. an odd choice, but his parents just so happened to own a property there. (in truth, both of his parents expected him to change his mind within the year). but steve finds his place at hawkins high, because even though nobody in hawkins has ever heard of versace, steve is pretty. he's pretty and charming and he knows the right thing to say. after all, he's spent his whole life perfecting his mask.
and even if his mom ended up moving back home with his dad, leaving steve all alone in that big empty house, steve is happy. he's finally hanging out with people his age and high school is so far removed from the glitz and glam of the fashion industry. and he's settled and content with tommy and carol by his side. while he misses his friends back in milan, steve finds himself longing for the clothes more often. hawkins was certainly the opposite of milan, what with the nearest mall being two hours away and only equipped with a macy's and jcpenny.
through it all, steve is determined to be normal. he laughs along with jokes he doesn't quite get and rolls his eyes at carol's cue, and he joins the swim team. and he joins the basketball team. and he goes to parties and kisses girls and wears dumb little polos with his letterman jacket and does everything that he saw in the movies.
but nancy wheeler is different. steve can't forget his time in italy and who he is and was, and he's reminded of his old life in everyone and everything in hawkins. but not nancy wheeler. she's all hawkins and all his. and then the upside down happens.
and then nancy wheeler breaks his heart.
even after three years, his parents continue to ask when he'll go back to modeling, but he's different now. the upside down and billy hargrove beat that starry eyed little kid who thrived in the spotlight. and nancy wheeler proved that adoration and love is fleeting, so what would even be the point of trying anymore? his dad was a little more approving of steve's retirement/hiatus, saying that steve must want to go to college so he can take over the family business.
but when steve doesn't get into college, he's once again badgered by his mom to go back. but he's grown and changed and he's not sure that he can pretend anymore, so he says no. and they cut him off. enter: scoops era.
the measly scoops salary is not nearly enough to cover all of the new bills and expenses steve has, but he's not willing to leave hawkins. so he reaches out to his friends back in italy, and they refer him to their american connections. steve doesn't model at the same level as before, but he poses for a couple of zines and one artist who got a little too handsy at his exhibition. but he's able to make it through until the mall blows up.
this routine continues and he starts working at family video with robin at his side, but he keeps his side job a secret from the kids, using the excuse of visiting his parents to leave town for his shoots. he's not ashamed, but he knows he wouldn't "be normal" anymore if they found out.
but how does he explain his near mental breakdown at the sight of his healing demobat scars. they're raised and ugly, ruining what should have been a perfect body. and even though he uses scar cream everyday, they refuse to fade away completely. and how could anyone stand to be near such an ugly thing when all his life, steve was meant to be pretty? after all, love and adoration is fleeting.
#steve harrington#give me grace i literally do not know how to verbalize all of my thoughts about this#child model au#imagining them finding out bc jonathan or will was interested in some photography art exhibition and steve is literally the centerpiece#everyone FREAKING OUT#robin knew bc OFC robin knew#steve feeling too self conscious to keep his old ads but he knows his mom keeps a record in her office#dustin screaming crying punching the wall YOUVE BEEN FAMOUS THIS WHOLE TIME... AND DIDNT TELL ME....#mike wheeler feeling ill bc is steve actually kind of cool....#italian steve harrington#because OF COURSE italian steve harrington#eddie munson asking steve if he'd ever consider doing playboy#steve going into a very serious answer about his career projection and actually that's an insult eddie. do u know who i am#and eddie is like yeah ur the centerfold in my heart baby#and then steve gets it#to be so clear. steve's mom DOES love him but she's also extremely selfish#that's why she feels bad when she slaps him and concedes to his request#but once she gets over the initial guilt she's like but he was a STAR i was the mother of a STAR
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wanted to say I appreciate your nuanced takes on MW and especially Curly. i don't get the claim that the fandom is full of Curly apologists when majority (esp yt and tiktok) say he's worse than Jimmy. Yes there's commentary about bro culture defending people, he def messed up in trying to placate Jimmy (tbh "we'll fix this" sounded more like trying to keep someone prone to outbursts like Jim calm and not hurt Anya/himself) but I don't think he did nothing to help Anya, since she continued to confide in him and he had less than a week to resolve it before the crash (I also don't get everyone saying he knew for ages when it seems like Anya told him that same week). I get Jimmy's a pos but saying stuff like Curly should've known he'd crash the ship or that Jim had a criminal record he ignored, reducing them to obviously horrible villain and willfully ignorant sidekick feels like a disservice to the game. If your best friend turned out to be horrible, what would you do in a confined space in the span of a few days to respond? I'd say some of the horror comes from trying to do good but ultimately failing, Curly's state after the crash is meant to be tragic horror not revenge/punishment
Thank you and this is what I want to get across.
A lot of information we have to supplement when it comes to how long things have been happening on this current ship. I think people try to add on to the horror and negligence by making things more obvious so it can feel like it was easier to avoid when, true to life, its not. Jimmy clearly didn't deserve or appreciate what Curly did for him in getting him the job, but do you think if Jimmy was that big of a menace on Earth he would've given him a position where he could have that level of power over people's lives? There's something in the fact he specifically chose to pick a position so close to himself where he could watch Jimmy.
I hate the bro code argument because that is a whole can of worms people really don't get. That sort of mentality is born from the general respect and preference of male matter over female ones. Curly is clearly not that guy, he is absent minded about the issue and inadvertently dismissive but he clearly believes Anya, he just can't understand what she's going through. It's an onslaught of information that no one really reacts right to. Additonally, the entire discussion of her assualt plays to heavy into the idea that there is fault outside of the perpertratior when it comes to SA. It's too close if she only did this or if Curly had protected her better but the fact of the matter is Jimmy did what he did. He did it before any of the conversations with Anya about it and it's why her behavior seemed to change so drastically in those last two days.
He has other conflicting thought and while his role as a Captain should've taken over, people act like it's not a very human thing to have such a toxic presence cloud your judgement. It is never easy to separate friend from coworker once that connection is formed, you want to help them, especially if they were friend first and for a long while like in this case. It's not right, but people act like it would be easy when the game clearly points out that no choice is easy to make, especially when you have to make it for more than one person. You have the weigh the consequences, look at all the options and make a plan. People can headcanon and decide how long things where happening, but if we look at what we were presented through the characters eyes, the only person given time to do that was Jimmy.
He waited two months after the crash to appoint himself Captain. Every time a problem was brought up he immediately took action and refused to sit on it and find a better solution. I think it's important to look at the warped way Jimmy takes initiative where Curly didn't as it works as a good contrast of why you don't just run in to "fix" things. The quickest and easiest option may not be the safest or most beneficial. I think some thoughts on the game suffer from the black and white thinking the game doesn't operate on along with us being voyeurs. We see what exactly led to what but the characters don't. They don't have the hindsight and foresight we do and even ours is scrambled by the non-linear story telling.
Like it's hard to talk abuou those grey zones without sounding like an apologist because you're explaining why taking responsibility isn't easy. It's not and it's weird to act like it would be in a scenerio that led up to the events of the game knowing what we know. We see all these characters in such isolated moments with various things before, in between, after and even during we aren't privy too. The idea that Jimmy is worse than Curly heavily banks on the words Jimmy was saying to Jimmy before he crashed the ship. That whatever happened on the ship was his responsibility to bare, which is true due to his position. But, are they not still not responsible for taking the actions Curly then must bare?
Like i feel like people think that these are situation that become easier with age or when you are in a postion of authority and they aren't. You don't lose your biases or gain some sudden knowledge that makes it easier. It just becomes more tiring as you keep dealing with it. I would be first in line to say Curly fucked up and should've done more but the idea he knew how bad it could get or he really saw the worst in the people around him and ignored it pretty much ignores a huge aspect of his character and the game.
#i do believe Anya was a victum to Jimmy more than once before the crash but the game plays wit the sort of fear of waiting and stagnation#i believe the reason she decided to tell him was becasuse she finally broke down and tested to see if she was pregnant after one too many#signs and its why she went to hide the gun because she knew now that there was proof of what Jimmy did and was he would do anything to#cover it up and while she also didn't want the baby there was no sure fire way to safely induce a miscarriage or abortion cause shes smart#enough to know that hence her reading the illusion of choice and taking measures to protect herself#but in the hypothetical it was a one time occurence I think Jimmy would act like one single mistake shouldn't define him and Anya thinks#that if she did something sooner or said something sooner than she or Curly could've stopped all of it but that the hard thing taking actio#its so hard to be preventative to a person like they also have the autonomy to do things and no one on the ship is okay with actively takin#that away outside of Jimmy that its just a delicate issue and people act like it was a conscious choice not to help when he just helped#wrong he did wrong by not immediately punishing Jimmy but at the same time did he even fully get it yet? Jimmy immediately got into his hea#after like the sound design right before he confront him is telling like every track sort of gives you the feeling of the characters where#we cant see their thoughts because again the only two characters pov we get are Jimmy's and Curly's and even then we only get Curly's thru#the responsibilites he has to take like he is always tasked with something because thats his role but we rarely see him do something off hi#own volition cause hes a metaphorical cog in many of the machines the games comments on but he's not actively pulling a switch#also i think people latch on to the we can both be heros things too much when analyzing Curly because Curly very much is not happy being th#leader and current âheroâ of the Tulpar he just wants out in a way that doesn't hurt and while he is still responsible for not doing more#the idea he could've easily nipped this in the butt acts like Jimmy was not a beast of his own and that he made Jimmy into the person he wa#vs the fact that Jimmy is a person on his own right that makes these choices others are forced to take responsibility for when he simply c#couldve not done evil shit like at the end of the day Curly is not perfect but not nearly or remotely as bad as Jimmy because for that hed#have to not care hed have to not have tried hed have to not try to take responsibility and he did just not in the right way but thats#subjective to the person and you can only realize you did fuck up after the results are before you and its tragic like this game is a#a tragedy no matter how you try and spin it. There's lessosn to be learnt but at the end of the day it telling the worst moments of peoples#lives and the certain inevitabilities that come with it#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#curly mouthwashing#captain curly#nurse anya#anya mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing
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talk about kinoga. NOW.
GAH I JUST THINK THEY ARE SO............. well first of all. they are so cute and handsome. look at them right now
Second of all I have one million feelings about them and it's barely an exaggeration. For those who aren't familiar, Kinoga is one of my beloved splatoon ocs and I think about them all the time. Originally made when I tossed a "what-if" idea about Trito, my first splatoon oc, who was once part of the octarian military, if he runs into one of the old squad members on the surface, and Kinoga was born with the help of @igneouskit. Brainworms ensue. its terminal. check out their toyhouse
(extremely brief rundown for those unfamiliar with splatoon lore the relevant bits are as follows: some octolings are part of a military that were forced underground after a war with the Inklings over land due to rising seas. At some point during the plot, the song Calamari Inkantation is sung by the two idols, which is apparently imbued in the DNA of all creatures and compels octolings to see the surface. In the splatoon 2 DLC, octo expansion, some octolings are recruited by a shady company called Kamabo Co, which entices participants to enroll in tests through a deep sea metro, and offers the "promised land" as a reward. Completing the tests entails collecting parts of a blender, and the "reward" is getting blended into sludge. This sludge can get injected into other octos which causes them to lose their will and consciousness ("sanitization").
timeline-wise much of their story takes place between splat 2, through octo expansion, and is currently in the splat 3 era. When they were still in the military, they ended up hearing the Calamari Inkantation like Agent 8 did. Kinoga and their squad were incredibly close to each other. Unwilling to just up and leave the underground but wanting to give their squadmates a better life, Kinoga hears about Kamabo's "promised land" and wants to seek it out, so they leave the squad to embark on the metros and promises to return. They do not <3 Some of the tests make them encounter sanitized octolings and they begin to question what's really happening in the metros. Their tipping point is when they run into Agara, one of their squadmates that decided to enter the metros to look for Kinoga and ends up being sanitized. Kinoga, facing the crushing realization that their squadmates had followed them, unaware of the danger, narrowly escapes being killed by Agara and eventually makes it to the surface.
This results in them experiencing a good amount of crushing guilt about leaving, they never knew it would lead to the possibility of dooming their whole squad that followed after them because they were loved and trusted. Kinoga had no way of letting the rest of them know that they should turn back and it's so. AAUGH. They have no choice but to continue on, finding life on the surface and eventually making it to splatsville with the belief that the rest of the squad may be gone. Agara and Trito end up running through the metro, Agara gets sanitized and Trito survives, albeit without getting a nasty scar from an accident that nearly got him sanitized.
Trito makes me insane also. he's my funny silly rabbit. I care about him so so much. trito goes through the metros, to maybe catch up with kinoga or meet them at the promised land, trusting that it was worth leaving if Kinoga decided it was worth it for all of them too.
Trito, upon learning about The Horrors in the metro later, realizes what could have happened to Kinoga and Agara and is unwilling to return to the rest of the squad with this knowledge, struck by the possibility that they're both gone. <-also has to realize that these horrible things have been happening to all the octlings that left to go do the metro tests. He too, eventually escapes to the surface and makes it to Inkopolis.
Years later, Trito, on a day trip to Splatsville, encounters Kinoga on the streets, and they lock eyes. and. fuck. They thought they were dead and had dealt with the grief and accepting that they were gone, effectively pushing those thoughts aside, and now they're physically in front of each other and they have to deal with it again. they make me SICK. Kinoga knowing that trito went to the metros and followed them and made it out also. Trito knowing that Kinoga experienced the horrors as well and survived. Neither of them able to return to tell the rest of the squad but they're both here, alive on the surface and aarrghhhhhhh. now they have to cope with this. they hastily exchange contact information, having to leave each other again, and end up meeting later to really catch up.
I'm so normal about kinoga and their relationship to trito post-domes. They don't even realize that they miss each other so much because they accepted that they were already gone. Seeing how much the other had changed. Being each other's only tie to their previous lives and it dawns on them that they never can move on from this. Kinoga struggles to tell Trito that they couldn't bring themselves to go back, not knowing if they could escape a second time, not knowing if any of their teammates were still left, already dealing with occasional spurts of being wracked by grief. Trito feeling the same, wanting to forget the terrible things and find happiness on the surface, but disheartened when learning that Kinoga also couldn't bring themselves to go back to look (though now that the both of them are together.....they do eventually muster the courage to go back to the domes to look for their old squadmates). It like. sucks so bad. They didn't intend to abandon their squad, but they were given circumstances where they just could not, and none of the other squad members could have known and suffer for it. aarghhhhh.
They end up at Trito's place, Kinoga and Trito end up being very affectionate towards each other after reuniting, definitely Trito being clingier...Compelled to hold onto each other and not let go, not after feeling so much regret about leaving in the first place. It's like. they left once before and terrible things happened out of their control, so they're allowed to hold each other as close as they can so it doesn't happen again (THE DEMONS) (GRIPS). it's irrational for Trito especially to think that he'll never see Kinoga again when they have to leave, since they live in separate cities and have to go in the morning. and kinoga knows it's irrational and they do their best to comfort him anyways because. who could blame him for wanting to keep them there after being gone for so long and so unexpectedly. The slow, crushing experience of not fully registering that someone could be gone and it creeps up to them until it hits. auuuuugh. they have to be so tender with each other, not really knowing where to take things afterwards but relishing in the moment of having each other there. riding the high of each other's comfort. fuck. this post is just getting worse as it goes. Trito breaking down in Kinoga's arms because he's had to hold in his grief and having nowhere to put it and then finally being able to release it. just being able to feel Something again. kinoga feeling so heartbroken to see trito like this, remembering that he was always so outspoken and smiling and having him curled up against them unable to say anything. holding him as tightly as they can. Feeling the need to take good care of him. They aren't his squad leader anymore but they still feel compelled to look out for him because then they can feel like they're doing at least something right. whatever. you guys get the gist. I'm way too much of a sucker for like...............pained intimacy. I'm down terrible. I think both of them deserve a little kissy and more. again. very touchy and affectionate with each other, I guess theyre still like "friends" (A WARRIOR'S BOND. OR WHATEVER) and are not "together" like a couple but here are words from igneouskit who put it better then I could ever. they love each other so much and they make me blow up. worlds most situationship
and also one bit I forgot to mention is that Trito has a huge scar on his chest that he hates talking about, it just brings back the fear and pain felt when he got it, and by association reminds him that he's alone from his squad who may never see again, so he's very protective of it. Upon getting back to kinoga, they do find out about the scar accidentally, and Trito lets them. like auuuugh they were so familiar with each other and now get to see what's changed since the last time. exploring eachother's bodies. whatever
Kinoga also ends up feeling really guilty at some point for Trito being immediately so affectionate towards them, they harbor thoughts that they donât deserve it after having him go through that pain, and trito having to tell them that he made his own decision, nobody was forcing him to go, and besides, did it to see kinoga and now that theyâre right in front of him he can give him all the love heâs been holding for them. Auuughhhh. Like donât worry about feeling guilty for it. It wasnât their fault. What matters to him now is that theyâre both alive and with each other. I feel like blowing up
Even after Kinoga goes back to splatsville the next day trito is still aches about them......like a few days of reunion could never be enough to compensate for the years that they spent apart. every time they meet up after that trito jumps in kinoga's arms and kiss them like it was the first time they'd reunited
anyways. they eventually go back down to the domes to find the others. By that time, Agent 8 had dismantled Kamabo, the Sludge shit was no longer in operation, and octolings have started going to the surface. Kanu, another squad member, left the domes to find Kinoga, Agara, and Trito(jilon was another squad member who left for reasons I haven't decided yet). Denchu, the last remaining member, stayed behind, holding on to the hope that the missing members would someday return (denchu is a whole other can of worms. theyre everything to me and I feel so terrible for them <3). Trito and kinoga meet denchu, they update them on everybody else, leaving agara unaccounted for. Kinoga, who was the only one to see Agara firsthand, knowing that she might be completely unsalvageable, hesitates to bring it up, but Trito insists on going to look for her. aughhh. kinoga wants to spare trito the pain of seeing her dead or unconscious. They do eventually find her </3
She is alive, but not doing well at all, Kinoga desperate to maybe find some way to undo sanitization and restore her to full health, knowing full well that it may not be possible. They take Agara back with them to the surface and Kinoga spends a lot of time agonizing again over having caused this, feeling that agara's state is somehow their fault (ITS NOTT they're beating themselves up so bad for this because they feel responsible for the squad. aughhh).
I think thats all I have for kinoga. for now. obviously there are more thoughts I can get into but currently my brain has just latched so hard on trito and kinoga's fun situation and I love them so much. didn't think I'd get attached to them this bad but here we are </3. I hope everyone who has read this far also enjoys them as much as I do
#THIS TOOK FOREVER TO TYPE. KEPT GGETTING SELF CONSCIOUS ABT HOW MUCH IVE ALREADY TYPED FOR THEM IN OTHER POSTS#my ocs#my art#trito#kinoga#splatoon#splatoon ocs#THEYRE SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#I have been so crazy about them. so crazy. this post doesnt even encapsulate all my thoughts about them#basic arc(?) in chronological order and some thoughts also#cant even describe the like. aching. burning. thinking about kinoga#like I need to kiss them of course but (AGONIES) trito misses them so so much.#loves them so so much and has to deal with it when it floods him all at once during the first encounter#sorry if none of this is like. comprehensible#I've been so ill about them and trito for weeks#these thoguhts are usually for rotating them in discord servers but you all get to get blasted by them all at once#STRUGGLED so bad to write this out because every time I had a new thought I had to go lie down and think about it#anyways. anyways. care about them so much. what ever#its still mostly about trito since he's like my 'main' character but kinoga still gets roped into these feelins#also joked that if trito ever gets a partner itll be like#'this is my partner'#'and this is my friend kinoga who id die for and trust with my life and kiss on the mouth'#more realistically trito just loves all his friends as closely as he would a partner. he has so much love in his heart#blows up I just reread this I think I used âcrushingâ as an adjective like 4 times. whatever
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had a really interesting convo yesterday about ethics and whether intent or results matters (eg if you tried to make an ethical purchasing choice but the business was actually exploitative as hell, does that "count") and very much came to the conclusion that sure, if you're concerned with your personal immortal soul, as a christian might be, then intention counts. but if what you're focused on is your impact on the world, then intention means nothing if the actions have negative results, right? (that doesn't mean you're to blame for them! you didn't know! but you also don't get "ethics points" for trying, you know?)
and this also got me thinking about the whole christian idea that sinful thoughts are as bad as sinful actions because. they're just not imo. maybe for the sake of your Immortal Soul they are points against you, if that's your jam. but in terms of putting good into the world, in terms of your impact on other people, the ONLY thing that matters is what you choose to do with those thoughts. there is no way that "was kind to someone who was pissing me off, for the sake of community harmony" or "helped an acquaintance with a task even though I felt resentful about the time spent doing that" is a Bad Thing for the world
and it made me wonder how much purity culture and thought policing is rooted in (mostly evangelical) cultural christianity and this idea that ethical choices are an individual thing because what matters is the impact of them on YOUR soul and not, you know, things we do because of what we owe the world around us / because of love for others / because a world where people are trying to put good into it is a hell of a lot nicer to live in than one where people are only worried about themselves
i grew up evangelical but like. fairly mild evangelical and even though there wasn't a big focus on hell and stuff, i definitely fixated on imperfect thoughts and behaviours that were putting absolutely no harm into the world, rather than focusing on what i could do to put good into it, and that individualistic vs outward-focused approach to morality has been something i've grappled with a lot as an adult. but i never really thought about it as simply as this and really that's what it boils down to. are you making the ethical choice because you're trying to put good in the world, or because it would make you a "good person" to do so? because the answer to that 100% defines whether it's the thought or the result that counts
#also i feel like Sinful Thoughts Are As Bad As Sinful Actions...#as well as being bullshit...#is just like a one way trip to moral ocd and a whole lot of guilt spirals#and i just don't think it's useful! you can't necessarily choose your thoughts!#you can however choose your actions because Good is something you do not something you are#ethics#i do think The Good Place did more to make me interrogate my evangelical upbringing and ethical assumptions than anything else#but also this idea of putting good into the world... idk. it's kind of encouraging AND scary#i don't think I'm naturally a very good person but i can choose to do good#i can be bitter and jealous and resentful and still help people and make their lives a little easier#and my feelings are not actually impacting on the world whereas my actions are#at the same time in a society built on exploitation and corporate greeed#it's hard not to be conscious of the harm my actions are doing without me trying#i didn't necessarily make an unethical choice but all of my choices cause harm to someone somewhere#living in the west and the global north and whatever you become very conscious of that
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I cannot stress enough how MINOR of a petpeeve this is and how this is an interpretation that i'm comfortable with other people having even if i personally do not but I've noticed in a lot of 3zun fics, if jgy is holding smth back- generally his own feelings because his natural reaction to conflict is to make it Go Away and so if his emotional needs are the potential source conflict he will simply Not Look At Them.- That between nielan Xichen is the one who's worried and presses for comunication and Mingjue is like "Meng Yao is an adult if there was a problem he'd say so."
And I get why this is done, because nieyao's communication is generally atrocious and Xichen is the Gentle One who'd want to make sure a-yao is okay. So I get it. But. Canonically. The person going "I know a-yao, we trust each other, I don't need to ask him, he'll tell me on his own terms." is Lan Xichen and the one going "If Meng Yao doesn't want me to know something he WILL hide it from me and i'll have no idea because he's just that good at lying" is Nie Mingjue. And in a healthier nieyao dynamic, as these fics work under, that knowledge would not lead to automatic distrust but rather a desire to check in, to go: please remember that I value your honesty more than whatever you think you would burden me with by telling me what's going on.
Xichen also wants honesty and open communication ofc but his reaction to conflict is also to make it go away as fast as possible and he feels like saying it constantly feels accusatory so he wouldn't. If he asks if something is ok and a-yao smiles and goes of course er-ge checking again if it's really okay would be implying he was lying the first time!! He's showing his trust in him!! This is really refreshing if you're constantly assumed to be untrustworthy and meng yao appreciates it so much and it works really well 95% of the time but when it doesn't? Oh boy.
#examples of where that goes wrong *points at canon*#mdzs#3zun#nie mingjue#lan xichen#meng yao#jin guangyao#nieyao's communication is bad because they're going 'i CAN'T figure you out and so there's no point in trying'#and not because they think they understand the other perfectly#that's xiyao#who fall into this trap because they DO actually know each other better than almost everyone else#and so are completely blind to the few things they don't get about e/o#nielan can also do this#but it's more complicated cause i feel like they consciously DECIDE not to know each other sometimes#because they hold responsibilities to other people they must prioritize over each other. like so much canon nielan is wrapped up in duty#but idk exactly how that would translate if they did make the conscious decision to prioritize their relationship#and this post is about the yao-corner of the triangle and how they both interact with him so. will reserve those thoughts for another time
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I'm a beginner artist and I love how you draw Swindle. Baby needs more love and attention. Sorry for blowing up your motifs by spam liking Ur posts (â *â ´â Ďâ ď˝â *â )
Ah thank you:3
But also, feel free to spam like all you want. I donât really care about numbers, so I turned off notifs for likes and commentless reblogs. The only thing I see is when someone saying/adding something. Like replying or leaving funny tags or something like that.
#listen#It might sound a bit bad#but I really donât care about likes. They tell nothing to me theyâre just numbers#I turned off my notifs for likes the moment I created this blog#the thing I care for is peopleâs actual thoughts#even if itâs just âAAAAAAâ#i will see it and Iâll know that person made conscious effort to scream at me haha#and Iâll be happy to know that#I love having conversations in tags and collective brainrot in reblog chains#likes are. meh#Iâm saying all this because I regularly see someone apologising for spam liking my blog#and. yeah feel free to spam. If you donât share your thoughts under my posts - I wonât even know you were theređ
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love watching all the neolibs say "uhm ummmm actually conscientious abstention from voting makes it clear that you just see voting as an opportunity to virtue signal (as opposed to an opportunity to affect change) and that makes YOU the neoliberal!!!!" like yeah man sure. and if we all join hands the symbols on our bellies will light up and we'll defeat the evil forces with the power of care bear magic
#speak friend and enter#they're just politically conscious enough to know that 'neoliberal' is a bad thing to be so they throw it around like a playground insult#like buddy the popular vote doesnt pick the president anyway. i thought you knew that. we learned that in 7th grade. were you sick that day#and not to mention that the democratic candidate wasnt even nominated democratically.#biden just waited until he knew she could score the nomination without having to go thru a primary. cause they both knew she'd lose#but no yeah of course it can only be the republicans that do stuff like that. because red bad blue good. where have i heard that before
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Something about Altered Loyalties CYLAS just really makes me want to include him in the first place but also makes me really really REALLY think that with the more supernatural elements of AL based off of the original TFP pilot (or just first episode/s?) that CYLAS as a âdead man walkingâ would actually let him stay around longer AND also be a very significant contributing factor to Megatronâs downfall in Decepticon favour!
Of course itâs not as if I have the pieces of the TFP rewrite au firmly put into place, CYLAS in canon shows up just over halfway into season 2, and many of my most established changes occur in the first like⌠including all the parts of âDarkness Risingâ 8 episodes of season one; I have no idea if the environment CYLAS presents himself in is the same one canon CYLAS does.
But with the dubiousity between s1 e8 all the way to s2 e19, Iâll establish the basic context⌠I think in story mode maybeâŚ
Looking at the general timeline for the Aligned Continuity, it says that the first contact of cybertronians on Earth is dated to about 500 years before the show, give or take a decade. Iâve been listing Skyquakeâs little EHP pitstop to have existed at least 50 years before the war reached our planet, but what if I pushed it all the way back to 500; if a vorn is 83 years, thatâd be about 6 years on an entirely different planet not knowing truly if your twin is going to make it, a planet which by the way presently has no established radio systems that itâs horrifically quiet for a terrestrial environment.
That means that Skyquakeâs EHP Comms Array has been transmitting a signal long before humans had developed radio, which also means that what mightâve been blatantly an anomaly in the system if discovered 50 odd years previous to 2012 (which wouldâve been in the 60s give or take which would not have been good in the literal middle of the cold war era) has been going for centuries because it had always been there, there is no anomaly because it is a signal that has existed ever since humans were able to manipulate radiowaves into sending messages and translate them into detectable noise. It helps that cybertronian language and code (both code lang and like literal programming code) is a system unknown to humans developing their own language.
And you may be asking, why did I divert this post from talking about CYLAS and how heâd outlast his canon alternate to radio shit? Well, if you were a paramilitary organisation who is pretty good at erasing signals and you discovered a signal that has been actively running for the entirety of human radio has suddenly been silenced, what would you begin to suspect at that?
Aliens may potentially be a stretch but MECH didnât just name themselves after the cybertronians fighting war on their planet, and once the cybertronian conflict touched down on Earth, the Decepticons hadnât a need for an intergalactic communications array and in fact was specifically instructed to switch it off in an effort to prevent the Autobots from using it. That wouldâve been about maybe 6 years ago for the show (wow just enough equivalent time to match what Skyquake felt he spent grounded to one radio tower look at that) and though MECH would not encounter their first cybertronian until âConvoyâ (haha wait thatâs s1 e9 the next ep to cover - if necessary - for Altered Loyalties lmao), they wouldâve had 6 years to find that missing signal and stumble across some very definitely alien technology.
That is one of the reasons why the rewrite of âMasters and Studentsâ which is less masters and students focused - rather the point is Skyquake, a team of Nemesis stationed vehcions and Starscream investigate the comms array and set it up manually - why the radio tower wasnât switching on from a remote position.
The other reason was because the Guardian unit stationed at the comms array - the very ones that had accompanied Skyquake all those stellar cycles ago - had gone missing. Why?
Because of Megatronâs flagrant use of Dark Energon.
Points 1 and 2 listed above leads to the explosion of the comms array, the death of Skyquake, and MECH either being alerted to the point of alien contact or just in general going to the site for more study only to find a dead specimen. After the discovery of the Autobots with the body of Skyquake, MECH begins their initial study and dissection of cybertronian physiology, though without a live subject they couldnât exactly see what parts function in what way, especially the t-cog.
The discovery of Skyquake led to the discovery of terrorcons which lead to the discovery of how to take down a cybertron and how to take it apart without it screaming. MECH would learn the programming of a cybertronian through vehicon terrorcons since, even with DE corruption, their processors are still somewhat being maintained. While probably not able to access memories (they are fickle things, memory centres, easy to damage storage or to corrupt files) there are still systems responsible for pain and other more processor based responsibilities that arenât centred in a physical organ that reads in fine print itâs function.
Breakdown being MECHâs first fully functional living mecha for their study is so exciting for them (even if Breakdown is very much less enthused) because they can put what knowledge theyâve pieced together to be far more efficient with their time and focus on the elements they could not decipher from either corpse or zombie and potentially try and prod at Breakdownâs brain for some cohesive coding. Good think Bulkhead still shows up when he does even with Breakdown walking away with the dreadful thought of âhow the hell do these fleshies already know so muchâ boring into his head⌠mainly through the optic that was still drilled out-
Whether or not MECH needs to get another living cybertronian to get caught up in their understanding of the biomechanics of them (aka would 'Operation: Bumblebee' take place as it does) or they skip right onto making a remote control Prime having gotten a headstart on their knowledge and scaring the scrap out of any bot unlucky enough to be unconscious around them, eventually Silas gets smooshed and MECH scientists are reliant on their alien dissections to get the human puree back to the land of the living.
I'd assume that this was the case in the original since if Silas' biomatter was able to be collected from a pile of robot drone induced rubble the RC truck would've been able to be recovered as well, but MECH discovers that using Nemesis Prime as a lifesupport system does not work given all it's functionality is focused on visually replicating another cybertronian, rather than using it to create life. There's a lot of parts and systems to a cybertronian's biological ecology that wasn't put into consideration for a mimic toy that prove detrimental to creating a suitable ah... skin suit essentially for Silas' blood pudding, but MECH has an abundance of corpses ready and raring to be used just so long as they piece them back together again.
Amid MECH's collection would no doubt be a mass of vehicon bodies - some untouched by energon others taken down explicitly by MECH because they were terrorcons - some terrorcons made up from the bodies of the previous conflict pre-show (and not just a hypothetical ancient war, but explicitly the conflict that culled a lot of Autobot and Decepticon officers amid the show expected vehicon death), and the very first cybertronian sample they started studying, Skyquake himself! Being at the origin of the blast at the EHP Comms Array he wasn't kept in perfect condition for one, the arm he loses as a terrorcon in the Shadowzone is still lost - it's been buried under rubble after being severed with radio tower pieces - and the monochromatic glass over his optics has long since been shattered so you can see the 'pupil' aka sensor, but seeing as how CYLAS makes Breakdown's corpse somehow look worse than what Airachnid left it as MECH probably has to suture that fucker back up because there's not way his organs have been left untouched!
And once CYLAS has been successfully integrated into his new cybertronian shell (some sort of arm, either being a loaner from another corpse or straight up just one MECH invented, it could even be a copy of the missing arm but where's the fun in that) instead of getting all high and mighty about 'being of a superior species' Silas actually bloody thinks on MECH's plans going forward. With a literal army of paramilitary personnel, from the scientists that melded human flesh with cybertronian wires to the average grunt soldier fighting between the battles of iron giants, CYLAS has something that Megatron (at least the Altered Loyalties Megatron I have written previously) has wanted from the start of the series...
An undying force.
For as large as cybertronians physically are their numbers can never match the scale of humanity, I can't remember if the books mentioned only thousands of the dead or up to a million over the course of like... a long fucking time but, that's not even the number of the human population if you're caught up with the number (nearly 8 billion alive today). And with the dead of previous battles already roaming the Earth, in a world where Megatron still being only like one dude can't command a planet wide population of zombies, the only reason he doesn't turn his blade to the weakest denominators of his forces in his plagued state is because their conscious decision to serve him is worth more than mindless servitude.
CYLAS introducing himself and MECH as a solution to this issue, and providing a show of bountiful body horror, makes not even the Decepticon high command quite as safe as they had been; not that it's been proven to be safe standing by Megatron's side given his track record of wanting his SiCs beaten or killed but...
The fact that CYLAS just so happened to have given and then promptly brutalised Dreadwing's hope that Skyquake may have been actually alive, just severely damaged (and, bond weakened from distance and prior injury, clinging to the last shreds of 'my spark didn't kill me with him' reasoning) and broke him out of the spell of blind loyalty to his once great leader.
CYLAS in this version has a little bit more longevity to his existence within the Decepticon forces, not actually a Decepticon soldier as the canon CYLAS pledged himself as but 'The Human Factor' the episode so calls itself akin to the way the American government and the human children are to the Autobots, but being able to physically go toe-to-toe with cybertronians. Megatron might be a little tired of dealing with independents after Airachnid's escapade (I do intend to make her more into a poacher/torturer type character than another Starscream so she might act out a little differently), but Silas isn't one for licking boots anytime soon and as CYLAS, Megatron is no different; you'd think he wouldn't have even done that in the first place given he's already an ex-military 'take-no-nonsense' bitch, but the Breakdown in him probably made him a lapdog...
Anyway that's a whole big post about Altered Loyalties CYLAS... or at least the in depth reasoning behind why he could still integrate himself into the story and why he'd probably have more opportunity to lasting- i prommy it's not bc i like torturing skyquake likers *wink*
I guess this is now a canon event or at least I'll try to make it canon ;)
#silas#silas tfp#leland bishop#CYLAS#tfp CYLAS#MECH#tfp MECH#should i tag other characters? if they're mentioned they're mostly just gonna be corpses#eh whatever this is a MECH post mostly so whatever#transformers#tfp#tfp au#altered loyalties#maccadam#realising that the altered loyalties tag does not include my first post despite me tagging it fuck off#eh whatever the search for it ironically works fine for some fucking reason#the funny thing about rewriting tfp unlike any other rewrite au is that#this starts off pretty fucking immediately since skyquake has been on earth conscious for 500 years he is already in the show#which is different from other rewrite aus like the starscream rewrites (in shadowzone when he stabs himself with dark energon/wakes up)#or knock out rewrites (either operation breakdown the episode after or even all the way to crossfire in season 2)#rewrite fanfic readers who recognise those beginnings- i wink at you#it does mean that there are fundamental changes literally immediately that i have to consider in relation to the whole series#and how it would effect later events that i might like to include but potentially can't#thirst is a really fun episode- have no idea if it'd be able to show up in the first place#but because i couldn't care for the human factor as an episode and more so about the concept of CYLAS himself well- it was easy to separate#he conceptually fits in with the zombies i thought were going to be a main focus for the series back when i was first watching tfp#it got me hyped up in a way that um... it's not like i don't like tfp but my experience from the pilot to the experience i have with the#show is um very different- not in a bad way but i thought it was very cool to do the zombie thing#but the show didn't go that route until the movie when the supernatural elements were kinda... restrained by that point#anyway back to CYLAS- introducing him to a story where this megatron is a little more obsessed with undead armies
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Please donât look at me rn
#iâm such a pathetic piece of shit#i cant do anything i cant work i cant socialise#iâm fucking forever dragging Lily down it doesnât deserve me at all#crying in bed now cause I TRIED to work from home because I was sick but not bad enough to not work#and then my head says no fuck you migraine attack#i cant fucking do anything im so useless#everyone at work fucking hates me as well i cant talk to anyone without feeling extremely awkward#no-one fucking likes me i have no friends of my own irl#straight up today Iâm feeling the most suicidal i have felt like. ever.#dont worry though I would never go there and iâm conscious enough not to hurt myself#but the emotions and thoughts are there.#i hate myself so much today
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i really hope this doesnt across as shade, because it isnt. but i think pokemon rejuvenation is an excellent example of why its good practice to have a ton of women in the cast because then you have a variety of women and if one of them feels like shes not treated as well by the narrative then its hard to take it to heart with how well the other women are treated. like, despite how i hate the âdead wife and daughter guyâ trope, iâm not annoyed over ketaâs arc because there isnt really a trend in this game of female characters dying or suffering for male charactersâs development, or if there is, its matched out by the men dying for the women too (hell, arguably keta dies for aelitaâs arc LOL) so it doesnt feel targeted. the closest i can think of is ren being manipulated into team xen over melia, but even that is barely even reflected on, and melia isnt even dead so like no fridging actually happened. turns out you can avoid misogynistic trends by just writing a variety of women and dont treat them worse compared to their male counterparts. i dont know why this is so baffling and difficult to replicate to so many fandom geeks and writers in the coming year 2025.
also it means he can write a ton of shitty women and i LOVE shitty women so its a huge win for me
#still cant believe jan got questions and ppl thought it was weird he had a lot of women in the game. like.#is the idea of someone not preferring men so inconceivable that you really think hes gotta have a conscious reason for doing it#(also the one im sorta vaguing is venam sorry djfjfjf shes fine but i dont know what the narratives beef with her is#ââvenam you are a horrible fucking person and you NEED to get better. no citations needed you just fucking suck for some reasonââ#it made sense in earlier versions bc venam actively endangered her friends on a whim to have fun in earlier versions of chapter 3#but in the new version she goes down there because her city is in danger. which isnt selfish at all?? it reads like shes just scapegoated by#her friends bc the mission went wrong. and i like her being selfless in that moment but the rest of the game doesnt reflect that change#and continues to call her selfish? like am i missing something? bc her hijinks in chapter 1 arent bad enough for me to consider her a bitch)#echoed voice#shes just sorta rebellious and plays pranks#maybe im just misremembering something but idk#but again. i dont wanna say thats the devs being weird abt young girls being snotty bc saki and amber and erin exist and theyre great#anyways i need to replay rejuv. i miss it. but i think ill wait for the update
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Junko: "The most despair I have ever felt in my life was killing my sister."
Mukuro, in the afterlife: "JUNKO LOVES ME MORE! SUCK IT, YASUKE!"
no because i know mukuroâs weird ass was lowkey thrilled when junko murdered yasuke because it was one less person to steal junkoâs attention away from her đ
#đđđ#like remember how excited she was to go back to junkoâs room after everything was said and done and tried to make her laugh dndnxn#homegirl probably wanted izuru dead so bad lmfao#i have a whole thing about mukuroâs subconscious bitterness towards people who get junkoâs attention and affection who arenât her#because she believes that if anyone in the world deserves attention and affection from junko itâs her. like sheâs earned it.#and in her mind she probably rationalizes that nobody else deserves junkoâs affection because they donât truly understand her#not the way mukuro does and sheâs worked so hard to be someone junko loves and needs#it kills her to watch junko focus on other ppl when sheâs right there practically begging to be acknowledged & shown love and appreciation#and it isnât possessiveness. itâs bitterness. bitterness and hurt.#ofc most of this is festering beneath the surface in her subconscious more than itâs entering her stream of conscious thought#she wants to be the center of junkoâs world like junko is the center of hers so badly itâs genuinely heartbreaking#but yes this a correct take lmao#mukuro ikusaba#junko enoshima#danganronpa#asked and answered
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