#and like no my brain is clearly fucked up as this is a reoccuring issue and i have unresolved trauma

[doxiedreg]

Its once again 11 pm and I once again have not eaten dinner yet because being depressed makes me dysfunctional especially when it comes to food

I'm going to be so glad to be with my mom on Saturday, I always eat well at my mom's

But when I'm alone and going through a depressive episode my diet is shit, i eat very little and very delayed and making a proper meal feels like too much work so i dont have a well rounded diet like I usually do and dear god why must my depression be like this

Why must it deprive me of food

Food is so important

It's not that I hate food, it's not that I'm afraid to get fat or anything (and getting fat wouldn't be bad in any way either) but I just do not care. I do not feel like eating anything and everything feels as too much work to prepare. I do not crave anything and thus do not know what to eat and resolve it by not eating at all

It sucks so hard guys, my stomach freaking hurts and is begging me to eat food but I don't want to get up and even if I did get up I wouldn't know what the fuck I want to eat

My depression has been going on for like almost a month at this point I'm so fucking sick of it, let me fucking go back to being a somewhat functional human who's able to enjoy things instead of being apathy incarnate who desires to lie in bed all day

[c0rpsedemon]

i am curious, as someone who’s only exposure to arthurania was reading jane yolen’s young merlin as a child, would you mind saying why hnoc is a bad adaptation? i’m super curious but no worries if not <3

this has been sitting in my inbox for months bc i kept telling myself i needed to write a full essay with proof from medieval lit to make myself feel smarter.  however, since i’ve recently lost all credibility bc i can’t articulate points to save my life, and since i’ve realized that i could answer this in a just a couple paragraphs, now seems like the right time to answer this ask. sorry for the wait.

under a cut bc length

also warnings for mentions of racism bc this is hnoc we're talking abt and sexual assault bc this is med lit we're also talking abt

the basic problems are pendragon polycule itself, the story beats of the album, the fridging and lack of characterization of morgan le fay, the clear influence of pop culture arthuriana, and whatever the fuck happened with gawain/e.

pendragon polycule is... just not a good take.  there’s a bit in the lancelot-grail abt arthur viewing lancelot like a son (and lancelot not giving a shit abt him).  also arthur knew his parents for years before lancelot was even born.  plus lancelot just Doesn’t care abt him and i can’t stress this part enough.  arthur repeatedly tries to have guinnevere killed, mostly in the lancelot-grail, and guinn didn’t really have any say in marrying him bc she was a teenager.  lancelot and guinnevere is a lot better but that’s not saying much.  guinn doesn’t exactly treat lancelot too well... like at all, BUT it’s not intrinsic to their relationship and is completely caused by medieval misogyny and i’m all in favor of modern retellings saying fuck that.  but also lancelot has multiple pseudo-canon boyfriends (this is med lit after all), and one pseudo-canon husband so like... there were better options.  (also lancelot’s husband is basically in a lavender marriage with guinnevere’s maybe girlfriend who most authors just eventually forget abt as the story progresses).

this next one is a problem with a lot of modern arthurian works bc the inclusion of elayne of astolat is too much to ask apparently.  the grail quest isn’t tied to the fall of camelot, it just happens to be one of the last grand adventures the knights of the round table have.  the event that traditionally sets off the fall is the death of the maiden of astolat/the lady of shalott/elayne of escolat/she has a lot of names, her story has a few variations but usually she either is cursed to stay in a tower and weave and only be able to see the outside world through a mirror positioned across from her window, until lancelot rides by and she rushes to see him out of the actual window and her mirror shatters, setting off her death, or she lives with her father and brothers and takes care of lancelot bc he was injured for a time and she gets to go on adventures to find him and she’s friends with gawaine and she dies bc lancelot rejects her and this version’s a lot more fun but also more happens which makes it harder to explain.  the way her story ends however, is that she dies after she makes arrangements for a glorious boat to drift from astolat to camelot carrying nothing but her dead body and a letter explaining that she died of love for lancelot du lac and the court mourns the death of such a beautiful and young maiden (her age varies a lot but i’ve always read her as a young teenager at most).  but the important thing is, camelot is doomed from the moment she washes up on its shore bc she’s an omen of the end and has symbolic meaning and all that, the maiden of astolat washes up on camelot’s shores, the court mourns the loss of a maiden in her prime and she marks the end of camelot’s prime as well, morgan le fay reappears after being presumed dead and warns arthur of guinnevere and lancelot’s affair, aggravaine and modred conspire to bring lancelot and guinnevere’s affair to light, they succeed but lancelot escapes, guinnevere is to be burnt at the stake and lancelot rescues her, killing aggravaine, gaheris and gareth (gawaine’s brothers) in the process, gawaine drags his uncle and camelot to war bc he was driven mad due to the loss of his brothers, lancelot accidentally kills gawaine, his best friend and maybe boyfriend (i have RECEIPTS), and gawaine forgives him on his detahbed while lancelot and guinn rejoin arthur, meanwhile modred, who practically had the throne handed to him, usurps and invites the saxons in, camlann happens, and camelot is destroyed.  no where in there is the grail quest.

morgan le fay is honestly the most questionable part of the album bc there’s not a single text where she dies.  like....  at least with eurydice in udad she died in the original... there’s no basis for morgan dying.  also she is NOT modred’s mother and anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar, she interacts with him once in the vulgate bc she had three of her nephews over and that’s IT.  it’s a horrible take which originated in the mists of avalon by marion zimmer bradley who is an honest to god monster for reasons i don’t want to trigger tag this post for.  also she’s one of the most dynamic and thought-out characters in the entire canon and they just made her a watered down morgause (modred’s actual mother, morgan’s sister, canonical milf)... there was no reason for it to be her apart from the fact that she’s more well known......

pop culture arthuriana is,,, one of my least favorite things.  no, morgan wasn’t modred’s mother, no, morgause wasn’t abusive but her husband sure was implied to be, no, aggravaine didn’t kill his mother, that was gaheris, he loved his mother, you’re only saying that bc he has a reputation as the “evil” orkney, no, the once and future king is not a good descriptor for arthur, stop making me read it, no, morgause wasn’t the one to initiate the thing with arthur resulting in modred, no, lancelot and arthur weren’t friends, no, tristan wasn’t a self-centered asshole, tennyson is a fucking liar, no, galahad didn’t have sex or want to, he’s one of the first ever explicitly asexual characters out there, no, galahad’s conception was NOT consensual, lancelot was tricked, and no, elayne of astolat wasn’t galahad’s mother, she’s implied to be younger than him.  those are just the big glaring ones, but i swear it’s bc of arthuriana’s reputation as a mythology and the connotations belonging to that word (no one true canon (which is true but there are still things that just AREN’T canon, not completely written down, passed by oral tradition) that causes ppl to see mediocre modern texts and go “oh. well this is abt as close to the original as i’m going to get” and don’t bother to look into so much as malory (who i only name bc he’s one of the most well known medieval authors with the most commonly used storylines, don’t read malory kids, he’s a mediocre-at-best writer even by medieval standards).  the big perpetrators of modern arthurian tropes are the books the once and future king by th wh*te, who is a shitty person and lets it bleed into his writing (which isn’t like... nice to read or anything, seriously why do ppl love this book so much it doesn’t have redeeming qualities), and the mists of avalon by marion zimmer bradley (it’s poorly written, the story is a mess, and mzb is honestly a monster and one google search will tell you that), and unfortunately the writings of tennyson, which are mostly good but he clearly didn’t read the povest (a later text that’s also my favorite, known for significantly improving ppl’s opinions on tristan, isolde and co.) before deciding he hated both tristan and isolde and he has HORRIBLE takes on them.  high noon over camelot is SEEPED in pop culture arthuriana and i think it would have been so much better if the band had read so much as a SUMMARY of the events of le morte.  it’s evident in the song “the once and future king” bc it’s,,,, literally named after one of the worst books in existence.  it’s shown in the morgan le fay thing, and it’s shown in the pendragon polycule thing.  and hell, i think you can even explain away the lack of elayne of astolat with pop culture arthuriana, bc ppl have had bad takes on her ever since th wh*te combined her character with that of ela*ne of corbenic, and the band probably went “huh, let’s write lancelot’s abuser out of this” and they would’ve been right to do so if that’s who elayne of astolat was.

the final big issue is gawaine, the closest thing the genre has to a protagonist, he’s pretty much canon bi and, in some texts, arospec, he’s a dashing knight of great reknown and he derails every romance to steal hearts, commit murder, and make out with every knight and lady mentioned.  and in hnoc he’s... racist.  that’s it.  it’s,,, almost completely unfounded by the arthurian canon and shows a major misunderstanding of his motivations (like i said earlier, he wants to avenge his brothers bc there’s a reoccuring motif of how much the orkneys value family).  i say almost bc in one text it’s his motivations for killing palomydes but i’ve never heard it mentioned by name bc that’s just what it’s known for.  most arthuriana fans just look away from it except when critiquing hnoc but that one text is an outlier, shouldn’t be counted, and i highly doubt the mechs made hnoc gawain how he is bc they found this text.  it’s just a bad text.

hnoc has,,, quite a few more minor issues, such as villainized ladies of the lake (their ONLY crimes were sealing away merlin bc he tried to assault teenage nimue/ninniane (proto-nimue/vivianne from the vulgate), and that one time vivviane/ninniane kidnapped adopted baby lancelot), assigning brain to merlin (y’know,,, the predator who helped arrange the [redacted] of arthur’s mother and tried to assault a teenager,,,) although merlin is portrayed in a positive light throughout modern arthuriana so i don’t think they knew, giving a song to pellinore, who my perception of has been forever altered bc i was introduced to him through malory and the explanation of torre’s conception, which you can just look up “sir torre arthurian” to find out abt if you can’t just Guess, if they wanted a song abt the questing beast palomydes was Right There AND has been associated with the questing beast for longer, but once again i don’t think they knew.

also namedropping a bunch of knights in the fiction is... it Suggests a bigger world full of all these other stories but they just don’t work bc the world of hnoc wasn’t designed in a way where the appearance of half these characters would make sense.  like,, tristan is referenced as dying in the grail quest in the same sentence as bedevere (one of the characters who is known for almost always surviving), but tristan Isn’t one of the knights who dies on the grail quest, his possible deaths (ignoring the potentially happy ending of the povest for a second) are either being murdered by his uncle, king mark (bc mark married tristan’s gf to try and get tristan killed and also to spite him), bc he was driven into a fury bc of tristan and isolde’s affair, or he’s injured and only isolde (the best healer in the world) can save him so he sends for her and if the ship he sent for her is supposed to fly white sails if she’s there, or black sails if she’s not, and the ship flies white sails but his wife (also named isolde) says it’s black sails (the why depends but usually comes down to jealousy), and so he gives up bc he thinks all hope is lost and usually succumbs to his injuries, either way isolde dies of a broken heart over his body.  there’s no way for the tristan and isolde story to play out like it’s supposed to in the world of hnoc, just as there’s no way for any story with gawaine (and Oh Boy are there a lot of stories with gawaine) or pretty much anyone else, without severely altering the canon.

of course, there are still parts of hnoc i like a lot, most of the music i adore and i just like the idea of space cowboys and the secret good hnoc that lives in my head.  and it has one of my favorite characterizations of galahad, even though galahad hnoc is nothing like galahad arthuriana.  it’s not GOOD but i like it and it’s fun to turn my brain off too, and i’ll always value it as my introduction to arthuriana.

also there are modern arthurian tropes i do like such as characters being genre-savvy/knowing they’re fictional/knowing they’ve done this before (which hnoc does wonderfully!) and bedevere-as-the-storyteller (everyone say thank you lord tennyson).

WOW that was longer than expected, i feel very passionately abt this, when i was planning to write a fully sourced essay i meant to include a bit at the bottom with recommendations to get into better arthuriana and i think i’ll keep that in this post.

if you like hnoc for the arthurian music i’d like to suggest heather dale’s arthurian music to you, she does occasionally fall into the trap of modern arthuriana (some parts of lancelot and arthur being close, morgan as modred’s mother), sometimes she’s just wrong (galahad at lancelot’s trial, a lot of tristan and isolde), and her stuff is kinda straightwashed sometimes (sir gawain and the green knight, for example) but i’d be lying if it wasn’t catchy, and it’s not quite as bad as hnoc adaptation-wise.  culwch and olwen is pretty accurate (albeit abridged bc culwch and olwen has SO many tangents), as is lily maid (it’s abt elayne of astolat!).

if you liked hnoc for king arthur... in space! then may i recommend to you my own fanfic? it's not posted yet but the second i finish writing the first chapter i'm going to make a Big Deal out of it that'll be impossible to miss!

if you want to learn abt arthuriana through tumblr-osmosis like i did at first, i’d like to recommend the love of my life @acegalahads, first and foremost (it’s me on a sideblog i’m just obsessed with myself), and i can’t recommend my arthuriana mutuals over there, @/gringolet, @/merlinenthusiast, @/jcbookworm, @/elayneofshalott, and @/elaineofascolat (the elayne urls have been popular recently), also i know for a fact that my mutual-in-law, @/itonje makes great arthuriana posts that i look forwards to whenever i open the tag.

here are a few good reference posts, a quick guide to the characters, a guide to characters of color, and a much more comprehensive intro to arthuriana post with even more texts linked to it.

if you want to ease into med lit, i’d like to introduce you to pre-raphaelite poetry, alfred lord tennyson and william morris are my favorites, although tennyson can’t be trusted with tristan and isolde.  the poem the lady of shalott is basically a rite of passage for arthuriana fans, although when it comes to tennyson’s writings abt elayne of astolat, i prefer lancelot and elaine, which is part of his much larger story, idylls of the king.  for morris, don’t trust what he says abt aggravaine killing his mother, but my favorites of his are sir galahad, a christmas mystery, which sounds like a shitty disney sequel, and palomyde’s quest, which i blame for my love of palomydes (that and the one bit of the povest where he asks tristan to be his greatest enemy and that he wants nothing more, gay ppl,,,,).

if you want to read abt lancelot and his husband, there’s the lancelot-grail cycle, which i believe was taken off of archive dot org and i think i found it on @/tobeisexhausting’s blog but don’t quote me on that.

the povest, which was a religious experience for me and i can’t reccomend enough if you want to like tristan and isolde, is here, i don’t know who scanned it but i think i found it on @/lanzelet’s blog

the dutch texts are just good in general, here’s a link to their section of a(n unfinished) site for hosting various texts by my former mutual @/reynier (who’s no longer on tumblr).  i’d like to recommend lancelot and the white hart specifically bc it’s mainly just just gawaine being gay for lancelot.

if you want older works, here’s my scan of the history of the kings of britain, and here’s culwch and olwen and pa gur.

oh wow this is even longer than i thought it would be so i’m going to wrap this up by saying that i always love to talk abt arthuriana more than anything if you have any questions or just are curious!

[brokentoys]

Maybe I won’t spoil everything in my comic, but I will say more about the baddies Eddie goes against! Some of which are reoccurring!

Puzzler, False Face, Sphinx, Edison Alarie (the Cult Leader) and (technically) Query/Diedre are all y’all already know about. So, I won’t really include them in this post unless asked.

Hillbilly Millie: Real name, Millie Showerman. She’s a wanted criminal in Kentucky for armed robberies and murders. Millie never really intended murder, mostly it was just a result out of her armed robberies. She was raised without parents or siblings, and by her grandfather, who ALWAYS expressed disapproval toward her because of her wild behavior. Millie took to robberies because of her desire for a wild lifestyle, and having grown up somewhat poor in a farm with her grandfather. Because of her grandfather’s constant disapproval of her, Millie deals with severe confidence issues. To the point she doesn’t even want to be to Millie. That’s when she found out about the reformed Eddie Nigma. She was inspired that a criminal like her was able to reform and become a better person. Something her grandfather would’ve been proud of. But Millie knew Millie wasn’t capable of becoming a better person, but Eddie clearly was. Therefore, she moved to Gotham in order to kidnap and skin Eddie, and proceed to wear his skin. So she is no longer Millie, but instead Eddie. Because of her origins from Kentucky, and her very, VERY thick accent, she is nicknamed Hillbilly Millie by the media.

The Mime: Not to be mistaken by the other mimes from DC. This Mime has nothing to do with them. I haven’t thought of a name for him yet, except his first name will be Joseph. Joseph comes from a line of MIMES. He was also an only child, and raised by his father alone (because the mother couldn’t bear his father’s obsessive mime lifestyle.) Joseph’s father was so obsessed with being an authentic mime, that he raised his son AWAY from other people, and only taught Joseph the way of the mimes. As a result of this, and his father not talking, Joseph literally never learned how to talk (or read.) Joseph’s family has a secret formula which can turn any object (or anyone) invisible. To be more impressive with their mime skills. (Such as the ability to climb up invisible ladders. Even though, this is technically cheating.) Joseph, however, was born in the wrong generation. All of Gotham felt less inclined to see his performances due to his clown like appearance. Reminded them too much of Joker, and the other bad clowns of Gotham. But he wasn’t a clown, dammit! He was a mime! Because of this, the Mime turned to a life of crime in order to get attention. His main weapon is an invisible bazooka, which he uses to blow up a portion of Eddie’s apartment.

The Wasp Queen: She’s still a HUGE work in progress. But I really like the concept of making a character who’s like part wasps. Just ‘cos wasps are cool, but they freak me the fuck out. Wasp Queen is highly modeled after emerald wasps. Because of this, Wasp Queen has the ability to “brainwash” people with her own venom. But instead of having a stinger on her behind like wasps do, I imagine her sharp fingernails act as them instead. She can stab people and inject this venom into their bloodstream, causing them to practically become her “zombies.” (However, the venom CAN wear off... given Wasp Queen doesn’t kill them once she gets bored of them.) The Wasp Queen also has multiple brains throughout her body. Microbrains. So. uh. Yeah, if she gets decapitated... she can still live. As long as she medically reattaches her head, so that she can eat again. I haven’t figured out how Wasp Queen came to be. I was thinking she’s a doctor and was experimenting on herself. Buuut, I thought that was too similar to Ivy and ManBat. Wasp Queen can also control other bugs in general (like how Ratcatcher can control rats, or how Ivy can control plants.) Which Wasp Queen uses to terrorize Gotham, and literally kill victims by having hundreds of wasps at one time sting her victims.

Empty Man: His name’s still a WIP, and I don’t have a real name for him yet. Even “Empty Man” is a placeholder name. But unlike Wasp Queen, I do have a story for him and how he came to be. Empty Man is a man who’s been invisible for as long as he remembered. He doesn’t know WHY he is, he doesn’t know HOW. Nobody would pay attention to him no matter how much he tried to interact with them. Empty Man grew to believe he must be a ghost. Until one day, one woman somehow could see and talk with him. The couple eventually fell in love with each other. However, his girlfriend still couldn’t touch him. In an attempt to touch him, Empty Man and her came to the theory that he is indeed dead, and that if she was dead, she would be a ghost with him. And so, she kills herself. Except... this resulted in nothing. His girlfriend never popped up as a ghost, she was just... dead. Feeling guilty about this, Empty man soon also grew angry and envious of other men who did have girlfriends. So, he soon began going around killing taken women and making it appear as suicides. Because of these sudden frequent suicides of taken women, Eddie and the media began to suspect there must be something more to it.

Stephanie Bustee: A rich, blonde woman with HUGE KNOCKERS who operates many bread factories. She threatens to destroy what little woods Gotham has left so that she can build MORE bread factories. Ivy, who obviously doesn’t fucking approve of this, goes to Eddie for help in taking down Ms. Bustee.

I have some more, but these are the most interesting ones I thought of so far. Though, Eddie will also sometimes run into other, official rogues (such as King Tut, and Hush.) And well as... I’ll probably repurpose more from the ‘66 series! If I think of more, I’ll make a new post for it!

[fandomlurker]

A Ponderous Rewatch: Prologue

You know, I didn’t think this would happen. I didn’t go into bingeing the 2020 renewal of Animaniacs with the thought “I’m going to watch this and then go and watch the original Pinky and the Brain shorts and spin-off show and do a rewatch and loose analysis on the whole franchise with special attention on queer subtext and themes���. What I initially set out to do was simply watch the renewal and see if it lived up to the show I watched pretty regularly as a kid in the 90s…or at least what I remembered of it through the haze of decades worth of time.

Pinky and the Brain was my favorite set-up on Animaniacs back in the day. Back then I probably wouldn’t even have been able to tell you why beyond “I think it’s funny and the characters are fun to watch as they screw up trying to take over the world”. Other segments were funny to me back in the day, too. Slappy the squirrel was great in that she was basically just like the classic, near-timeless Looney Toons a la Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck, but as an old lady toon who’s seen it all and tries to relate to the changing world while proving that the ol’ slapstick ways still work. The Goodfeathers were entertaining despite the fact that I was a literal child and didn’t even know that it was a big ol’ spoof of Goodfellas. Hell, I’ve still never seen Goodfellas, but three pigeons trying to carry themselves like macho tough guy mafia folks while being goddamn pigeons is still funny with or without that context. And as for the Warner siblings themselves? Their skits were pretty consistently great as well. Lots of that Bugs Bunny-like energy of putting terrible folks in their place when they annoy you while coupling it with the dynamic of three child siblings who are very, very active and much too clever for the average person. It was fun!

But as I watched the 2020 reboot with its stripped-down cast now largely consisting of just the Warner siblings and Pinky and the Brain segments for the season (And I’ll be honest, some of the segments from the 90s like Katie Kaboom, Buttons and Mindy, and the Hip-Hippos are ones I’ll be happy to never have return because they were godawful even back then), it brought into focus the strength of those segments compared to most of the others from the old 90s line-up: The strong dynamic and chemistry of the relationships between the main characters of those skits. The Warner siblings are a trio of kids who, despite being truly cut from the same wacky cloth as the most beloved of Looney Toon characters, also very much tap into a very realistic depiction of sibling relationships. Sure, they get on each other’s nerves sometimes. Sure, sometimes they have disagreements on how they view a certain situation. At the end of the day, however, they care about each other more than anything else and work in such perfect sync despite differences in who they are individually.  Sure, Yakko is a talkative theater kid jackass who sasses back at the drop of a dime. Sure, Wakko is kinda quiet and spaced-out and he has the appetite of a garbage disposal. Sure, Dot is adorable and witty and loudly and proudly feminist with an oddly feral streak. But if any one of them is inconvenienced or picked on or threatened in any way by someone, even if that someone is a powerful celebrity of some sort? You bet your ass the other two will immediately back their sibling up and make their tormentor’s life a living hell for the next however long the skit lasts. They’re little gremlin children who love one another, and have a surprisingly tragic backstory that actually speaks to a lot of fans on several levels.

But, okay, the bond between the Warner siblings is great and fun. What about Pinky and the Brain? What makes their dynamic stand out?

Folks, that’s where things get a little more…interesting. To me, at least.

So, watching the beginning of the 2020 reboot got me to slowly remember the parts I loved about the Pinky and the Brain skits from Animaniacs…were actually from their spin-off show. And the things I remembered most clearly from the spin-off were the more heartwarming moments that showed how much they cared about and loved one another, despite Brain being exhausted by Pinky’s dimwitted antics at times. And for a supposedly continuity-light cartoon show, there was a surprising amount of consistency to the main duo and their motivations. There was even a handful of reoccurring side characters the audience was expected to recognize from past episodes, as well, which is a bit strange to have for a show that initially seemed to aim to be strictly episodic. I remembered the odd amount of depth there was to the series. Nothing groundbreaking, mind you, but definitely something more than the average comedy cartoon.

So after watching the first few episodes of the reboot, I took to Tumblr to see if anyone remembered the old 90s show and to see how they were reacting to the new one. In doing so, I came across this post:

“i love that ppl make jokes abt a pinky and the brain version of the destiel confession because that. already happened....... the only difference is that brain pulls pinky out of superhell instead of dying on a barn nail”

Now, look, I’ve never watched Supernatural and only know it through Tumblr cultural osmosis, and at the time we were all riding off the high of the madness that was the finale of that show and the fallout from it. But ANYWAY…

This piqued my interest because 1. I didn’t remember watching an episode of Pinky and the Brain where anything like that happened, and 2. I was already picking up strong gay vibes from the reboot only a few episodes in. So, basically, I just had to hunt down this episode to sate my curiosity and see for myself if there was subtext in this 90s cartoon that I hadn’t quite picked up on as a kid.

I found the episode and started watching it. “Wow,” I said to myself, “this is a lot gayer than I remember…” And after finishing the episode, memories came flooding back to me:

That time the Brain fell for a girl mouse that was looked and acted lot like Pinky.

All those moments where Pinky would wear drag to disguise himself as Brain’s significant other in one way or another to further their plans for that episode, and how I could never remember it being ridiculed.

That one time they accidentally had a child together via a science mishap.

The ending of the Christmas special!...

And as I sat there, dumbstruck and searching Tumblr’s tags to see how far this particular rabbit hole (mouse hole?) went, everything finally clicked in my little bisexual mind.

This was one of the big reasons as to why I loved the Pinky and the Brain skits so much above all the others on Animaniacs all those years ago when I was a kid. It was the same sort of thing that subconsciously drew me to many of the cartoons and anime and media in general I loved as a child, back before I had the proper knowledge and self-awareness to know or express it.

Looking back on my life, I’d always gravitated to and resonated the most with stories and media with queer content in text or subtext. And sure, this cartoon was/is no Sailor Moon or Revolutionary Girl Utena with explorations of gender roles and queerness. It’s no Steven Universe or She-Ra with out and proud queer characters. It’s no The Little Mermaid or The Happy Prince where the stories were made by queer authors and subtextually about queer experience.

However…

However…!

I was surprised to find how deep the gay subtext went with Pinky and the Brain. Hell, I still am. This little Warner Brothers, Looney Toons-pedigree, continuity-light show about two lab mice trying to take over the world in bizarre, hilarious ways has such a weirdly continuous, heartfelt, touching, engaging, and sometimes outrageously raunchy queer undercurrent to it. All done in the 90s! It’s kind of baffling.

This is not to say that the creators and writers of the shows deliberately set out to do this. I don’t believe that anyone involved sat down and said to themselves “I’m going to make this so fucking gay!”. Sure, the voice actors of both Pinky and the Brain have said that they played the dynamic with “the energy of an old gay couple” and they’ve said plenty of suggestive or outright not safe for work things in the character’s voices in interviews and at convention panels. I firmly believe that they’re just having fun as the characters, just as much as I believe the writers were probably just having fun and putting in the gay subtext and suggestive lines as a kind of long running joke and seeing how far they could take it.

(By the time of the Pinky and the Brain comics, however, I’m not so sure. Some of the stuff they got away with in those issues is…amazing, to say the least.)

Regardless of actual intent, I think the writers of Pinky and the Brain (both old and new), have accidentally created a sort of subtextual, yet pretty powerful love story. And you know what? I want to rewatch this story for myself and write down my thoughts as I go along. I tried something similar quite a while back with Droids, and while I kind of ran out of steam as my life got busier and never finished, I have time now for something like this.

I should also say that I’m not out here to, like, convert anyone into shipping cartoon mice together. I imagine most people see Pinky and the Brain as nothing other than very close friends, and that’s a completely valid viewpoint to have. I doubt there will ever be some sort of canonization of a gay relationship between the two, as I imagine most of the writers on the new show (and hell, on the old one) are heterosexual themselves and would view such an idea as “ruining the comedy and the dynamic of the characters” or something similar. I’ve been in the fandom game long enough to know better than to hope and expect any media to sincerely tackle queer relationships in stories that only have the subtext there, especially in comedies.

I guess I’m doing this more to explore something I loved as a child and to see if I can find just as much if not more enjoyment from it as an adult, albeit maybe for different reasons. Hell, it’s also an opportunity to peek into a kind of time capsule from the 90s regarding how far queer subtext could be pushed back then, even when heavily couched in comedy. This is just a little project I wanna do for fun in my spare time. And hey, maybe a few of you out there will have some fun reading it too, who knows?

Either way, see you sometime soon in the new year.

[whentommymetalfie]

Track of time -chapter one 

A/N: Rather loosely based on these two break-up requests. I’m suffering from a severe case of editing brain, so I won’t ramble on here. I hope you’ll enjoy it! there’ll be two more chapters, I’m hoping to have the next one out within a few days.

Pairings: Alfie/Tommy, a bit of Jessie/Ada on the side 

Summary: Tommy and Alfie hit a rough patch after a disagreement about their future. Tommy handles it about as badly as can be expected. Finn tries to help. 

Warnings: Anxiety, panic attacks, self hatred, abandonment issues 

Esme is pregnant. John announces it proudly after a night at the Garrison, when they sit in the kitchen and endure Alfie’s insistences on making tea. This is a reoccurring event after a night of drinking, and it’s all really just an excuse to coax Tommy into eating something. Arthur hollers loudly at John’s announcement, reaching over the table to ruffle his hair up.

“There we go, about time eh, Johnny boy!”

“Congratulations, mate.” Alfie pours tea into a cup and slaps John’s shoulder fondly. “Not that this household needed anymore chaos. Plenty of that already. But I reckon this is the pleasant sort.”  

John is drunk enough to begin rambling about the whole thing: what Esme wants to name the baby. What he wants to name the baby… Before this baby is born, there’s a good chance they’ll have gotten into at least three fights nearly ending in divorce by the sound of it.

Tommy finds himself watching Alfie. That fond expression settling on his face as he listens to John go on and on about all things child-related. For some indiscernible reason, he feels a knot of worry tighten in his stomach. But he gives John a stiff hug with far too many hard pats on the back, tells him he’s happy for him and pushes that feeling away. With the whiskey dulling his senses, it’s not too hard to do, and when Alfie pulls him close, leaning down to whisper in his ear that they should go upstairs, it’s easy to forget it completely.

---

Though as most things forgotten, it eventually makes itself known again in the most unpleasant way possible.

A few nights down the line, Alfie is nestled between Tommy’s thighs, trailing kisses down his neck as his warm palms stroke his sides. Tommy rakes his fingers through his hair, reveling in the feeling of the secure weight on top of him.

The tell-tale sound of a bedframe banging against a wall in the other room makes them both let out a quiet laugh as their eyes meet. Apparently John and Esme are ahead of them tonight.

“It’s a fucking miracle, really, that it’s taken this long for that pregnancy to happen,” Alfie chuckles and glances at the wall. “All things considered.” He shakes his head before getting back to more important matters, pressing kisses against Tommy’s collarbone. Tommy closes his eyes and lets out a content sigh. Hopefully they’ll be rivaling those noises soon enough…

“Well, we’re lucky that way,” he whispers and pulls him closer. Slides his hands down Alfie’s back. Presses a kiss right next to his ear. “You know how much I like when you finish inside of me.” That sentiment makes Alfie growl and Tommy wraps both legs around his hips to pull him closer. “So… it’s practical, then, that you can’t knock me up.”

Stilling his movements, Alfie raises himself up on his elbows and looks down at him. Thoughtful, suddenly. Tommy lets his hands rest lightly on his waist, meeting his gaze steadily. There was a time when he barely could keep eye contact for a short moment in the bedroom. Now, he can just rest in this. Alfie runs a thumb gently across his forehead, cradling his head between his hands.

“Too bad, really,” he says, voice oddly soft.

Tommy blinks up at him, and Alfie must sense his confusion. “Well, what I meant is that I’d like- I’d like to have a child someday. With you. In the sense that we’d be raising it together.”

Tommy feels his knees go weak suddenly, and he drops his legs back down onto the mattress. Another laugh escapes him, a harsh outlet of air.

“You can’t be serious?”

A wrinkle appears between Alfie’s eyebrows.

“Well, this might’ve been a bad time to bring it up but… yeah. I do. Is that so fucking strange?” He sounds unexpectedly accusatory and Tommy rolls his eyes. Must be some fucking joke, all this… But the look in Alfie’s eyes and the growing lump at the pit of his stomach tell him differently. His mouth feels dry when he speaks.

“Sure. Because this lifestyle seems entirely appropriate for a child.”

“Well, in the future, things might be different,” Alfie says, the creases in his forehead becoming deeper as he sits up between Tommy’s legs. “I mean, we won’t always be living in fucking Birmingham. Figure at some point we’d like to move to somewhere slightly less… dingy and lethal.”

Tommy pushes himself up to lean against the headboard of the bed, pulling one of the blankets up to his waist. Swallows down the nausea.  

“Oh, really? Well, this is news to me. Why don’t you fill me in on this plan of yours?”

Alfie sits back on his heels, scratching his beard.  

“Just thought that somewhere along the line we’d, you know, move to a house somewhere,” he says. “I mean, business will pretty much start running itself at some point. Don’t need to constantly be there to oversee shit. Could hire someone.” The tone is casual, as if he just came up with this ridiculous idea. Even though it clearly must’ve been on his mind for a while. “And… well, I know you wanted to work with horses when you were younger. Perhaps do something along those lines?”

Tommy laughs despite nothing funny having been said. And a flash of hurt crosses Alfie’s face.

“Where is all this coming from?” Tommy asks, fingers twisting harder into the fabric of the blanket

Alfie clenches his jaw.

“Maybe getting shot gives you some fucking perspective?”  

“You’ve been shot before.”

“Yeah, yeah, sure. But this was the first time I had to watch the man I love get fucking beaten halfway to death right before it,” Alfie says sharply. “Without being able to do shit. And then with the fucking aftermath. That whole bloody ordeal. When you were just spiraling.” He looks away from Tommy for a moment. Out the window at the grimy buildings outside. “And maybe I’ve fucking realised, right, that there’ll come a day when I’ll be fed up with all of it.”  

Tommy’s heart drops, joins that lump at the pit of his stomach

“With what?”

“This… this fucking life, alright?” Alfie gestures vaguely around the room. The peeling wallpaper and worn furniture. “How long do you think we can keep this up, eh? It’s one close call after another, and then one day, it won’t be a close call. And either I’ll be the first to go, which really, truly, would be the more merciful option. Since the other is having to sit on some dingy warehouse floor with you in my arms while you’re fucking bleeding out. Or maybe I won’t even get to do that, eh? Maybe I’ll just find you dead in some alleyway…”

Tommy sets his eyes on Alfie. Pins him with his gaze and fills it with as much ice as he can muster.

“This is who I am, Alfie,” he says and it feels like he’s signing his own fucking death warrant. “All of this. This is all I can give you. And you fucking knew that going in.”

“It’s what youdo, Tommy. For fucks sake. Not who you are,” Alfie snaps, raising his voice. “And all I’m saying is… there’s more to life, right? Is it too much to ask for you to just fucking consider it?”

The silence that follows the question is stifling.  

What is there to consider?

No, this is the problem, isn’t it? Alfie thinks there’s more to him than this and that’s why he’s stayed. But there isn’t. This is all he has to give and it’s not enough. It’s not enough and he’s always known and now finally Alfie realises it too- It’s never enough for anyone and now Alfie will leave like all the others and-

Tommy bites the inside of his cheek until he tastes blood in an attempt to ground himself. “I don’t want that kind of life. And I never will.”

Just like that, all the hard lines melt from Alfie’s face. His gaze shifts to his lap and he adds in a much softer tone:  “Nah, nah, not like that… you don’t have to decide now. Just want you to think about it, is all. And the thing about kids… We can start smaller. Just a house, maybe? Maybe you could give that some thought.”

A blurry memory resurfaces from the back of Tommy’s mind… of Alfie asking this once before: When Tommy was dozing off in that tub of cold water with fever burning in his veins. Right then, it sounded so peaceful; like everything he could’ve ever wanted, but never would’ve dared to dream he could actually have. But his brain was fucking burning and he wasn’t thinking clear, because there is no way he could ever have that kind of life. Do anything other than this.

Birmingham’s dingy streets are ingrained in his bones, it’s the only place where he fits in. He’s known it all his life. Thought Alfie knew that too.

But if that life -that peaceful, fucking life that seems to come straight out of some rosy dream and is so utterly impossible- if that life is what Alfie wants… Alfie deserves everything. And if Tommy can’t give that to him then there’s only one way for this conversation to end.

The silence in the room has become deafening as he’s drowned in his own thoughts and Alfie has waited for an answer. Tommy can’t bring himself to look at him when he finally speaks

“There’s nothing to think about.”

Alfie sits silently at the opposite side of the bed. Then the mattress shifts and Tommy glances up to see him walk over to the chair where his clothes have been disposed of.

He completely forgets how to breathe.

It’s all crumbling around him, falling apart –like a tunnel, rock after rock until there’s nothing left. Can’t stop it, because once you’ve pulled out that first rock, all the others just follow

“Alfie-“ he bites his tongue the second the name slips off it, but Alfie doesn’t slow his movements, pulling his trousers on and fishing up his undershirt from the floor. He doesn’t look at Tommy when he speaks.

“I need some time to think about this.”

The fear twists in his stomach like a snake.

Alfie pulls his shirt on. Tommy desperately wants to reach for him.

“So, that’s it, you’re just going to leave? You don’t get your way and- and suddenly you’re just leaving?”

Fuck he sounds pathetic- pathetic and needy and no wonder Alfie doesn’t want you.  

Alfie stops with the shirt buttoned halfway up.

“Honestly, Tommy, I’m tired. Alright?” he says, arms falling heavily to his sides. And he does sound tired, right then. “Some days, I’m so fucking tired of all of this. It’s like my fucking bones are made out of lead. And, the thought that this will be it… I don’t fucking know if I can do that.” Alfie heaves a sigh that seems to push all the air from his body. “So yeah, I need to think, don’t I? Without you there, too, because you do these…” he twirls his fingers by his temple. “Things to me. My head just fucking stops working when I’m with you, see, because you look at me with those eyes of yours and I fucking forget all about what’s right and proper.”

Leave- He’s going to leave just like all the others and you’ll be alone-

Grasping onto the sheets until his knuckles whiten, Tommy watches as Alfie pulls his jacket on.

“That life you want, it’s a fucking delusion. And it’s never going to happen. Not with me,” he grits out, struggling to get any words past the tightness in his throat. “So if that’s what you want then…”

Alfie stops his movements to look at him.

“Then what?”

The lump in his throat blocks all his words and Tommy just stares down at the blanket. A quiet sigh comes from Alfie. He grips the sheets harder and listens to the sound of swishing fabric as he pulls another item of clothing on. His coat. Boot soles knock against the floor.  

Finally the room goes completely silent. Except for the ringing in his ears. He can imagine Alfie standing there on the floor, hand on the doorknob.

“I’ll call you, alright?”

It’s all Alfie says.

Then he’s gone.

Tommy stares at the closed door.

See,the voice is almost triumphant. See, of course this would happen. You ruin everything. Only a matter of time before you ruined this too.

That snake that was coiled in his guts has crawled up into his chest instead, blocking his airways and making impossible to breathe. And his heart is beating so fucking fast.

Air- he needs air- needs to get out of this room before the walls close in on him.

The street outside is empty.

So is the spot where Alfie’s car stood parked.

Tommy lights a cigarette.

Maybe Alfie will come back?

He’ll change his mind. His temper is like that sometimes: boils up quickly but simmers down just as fast, and maybe if Tommy just waits right here for him, he’ll come back-

He seats himself on the steps leading up to the house.

And waits.

----

“That is a terrible book and I can’t believe you actually enjoy it!”

Jessie sounds honestly offended, and Ada can’t help laughing at the look of utter bafflement on her face.

“Well, I like Emma’s character development. And the way she meddles in everyone’s business- I can’t believe you don’t see the humour in it.” Ada bumps her shoulder against Jessie’s, but is quick to latch onto her arm when she nearly stumbles off the sidewalk.

Jessie rolls her eyes and shakes her head. The first few streaks of morning light catches in her hair.

“You’re lucky you’ve got other qualities than your terrible taste in books,” she teases and takes Ada’s hand –most likely to warm up her own freezing fingers. Ada certainly doesn’t mind. She squeezes it tightly. “I honestly stopped reading after just a hundred pages-“

“You haven’t even read-“ Ada’s exclamation is cut off by a yawn that she fails to cover up. “That’s it,” she says to a smirking Jessie when she recovers. “The next time we’re up all night doing something, it’ll be reading that book. Nothing else.”

“Do you mean you’re withholding sex until I finish it?”

“No, but I am withholding spending all night in a pub and listening to you argue with Freddie about ‘the true origins of market economy’.”

Now, it’s Jessie’s turn to bump her shoulder against Ada’s. “You love it.”

Ada smiles. Squeezes her hand again. “I do.”

They make the turn out on Watery Lane, and Ada decides that her street isn’t all that awful looking in these quiet moments right before dawn, when it’s empty, quiet, and the grey light washes out all the grimy bricks.

Only, she discovers much to her surprise, the street isn’t quite empty today…

“Tommy?”

Her brother remains motionless on the steps up to their house, the only movement being the slight tremor to his shoulders. Ada lengthens her steps, but doesn’t let go of Jessie’s hand. As they come closer, she notices the cigarette stubs littering the pavement. Must be at least a packet, judging by the amount…

“Tommy, what are you doing out here?”

Her question goes unanswered. Tommy doesn’t even look up. And the alarms go off in her head. Letting go of Jessie’s hand, she crouches down before him.

When she places a hand on his knee Tommy finally reacts. A pair of wide, bloodshot eyes lined with dark circles meet hers. His lip is bleeding, contrasting starkly against his pale skin.

When there’s no comment on Jessie’s presence, or even a disapproving look, Ada begins to truly worry.

“Tommy, hey, talk to me.” She squeezes his knee. “How long have you been sitting out here?”

No answer.

“Has something happened?”

Not even a blink. Tommy just gazes emptily at her.

“I’ll go and fetch Alfie,” she states and straightens up.

“Not here,” Tommy says, voice raspy from disuse.

Ada crosses her arms over her chest. “He’s not here? Where is he then?”

“He left.”

“What?”

“He left,” Tommy repeats, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. “I waited for him but he didn’t come back. I thought…” He trails off again, going back to staring blankly at the ground. Ada swallows down her heart to get it back in her chest where it belongs, without much success.

She looks to Jessie, and the steady gaze she receives in return serves to ground her slightly.

“Let’s go inside, Tommy,” she says and hooks a hand under his arm, gently tugging him upwards. “You’re freezing. We can wait inside.”

Tommy shakes his head slowly, raking the nail of his right thumb over the back of his hand, reopening a scratch there.

“He’s not coming back.”

To this, Ada doesn’t know what to say. Because all that fills her head is how she’ll fucking kill Alfie Solomons if he’s done something to hurt Tommy...

Tommy sits there silently for another moment, then the glazed look in his eyes fades, and he blinks. He gets to his feet, shrugging off the hand she wraps around his arm to steady him when he sways precariously. He brushes past her, shoves his trembling hands into the pockets of his coat, and begins walking unsteadily down the street.

Ada watches his retreating back, debating whether she should run after him or not.

“Do you want to go after him?”

Jessie’s hand on her arms snaps her out of the thoughts.

She shakes her head slowly. “No. No point in doing that. Not when he’s like this. Alfie-“

Alfie could help.

But Alfie isn’t here.

Why the fuck isn’t he here?

[raccoonpatriotism]

📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂📂

Random, Useless Headcanons | Accepting

i like how i keep labeling this meme as “accepting” when i have…. 260 of these right here.

1: Has he driven a car before? Yes. Should he be allowed to keep driving? No.

2: You know that “I’m washing me and my clothes!” vine? That’s Jane. It’s efficient.

3: If you gave him Cat Food he’d say it’s the best thing he’d ever tasted.

4: Before going to Poland to serve his time, he hired a sex worker. Her touch would be the last non-violent physical contact he would feel for the next 9 or so years.

5: 

6: He donates a healthy sum of his paychecks to wild animal and veteran charities. 

7: Jane’s ‘friendship’ with Merasmus is the longest relationship he’s ever held.

8: Jane doesn’t believe in the number 8.

9: He doesn’t have any titty mags, but he does have tasteful pin-up for the inside of his locker.

10: He’s an excellent swimmer - but will sometimes forget to hold his breath. 

11: Getting Jane to imprint on you like a baby bird is really easy. Be strong, be patriotic, be funny, be determined. 

12: He trusts everything he’s told from someone he views as a friend.

13: He’s been on BLU before - it was brief.., a WAR! got started and ended. A few years went by and he was balanced to RED

14: Continuation of 13, it was… very easy to get him to believe he was always on RED team.

15: He loves fighting robots - but nothing compares to the feeling of a neck snapping in his hands.

16: He taught himself how to use every weapon he came across in Poland - it took a few years before he ran into a rocket launcher…. His life was changed from that moment onward.

17: His knowledge of the US military comes from tv and stories from veteran home he was forced to work at through his older years at the orphanage. (Outdated or complete bullshit.)

18: The liveliness of America is just one of the innumerable reasons he loves the country. Even things he hates (like.. war protesters/hippies) have this determination in them that makes him proud.

19: He’ll pick ear wax out of his ear, sniff it, grimace, and happily hold the finger out to somebody near him.

20: He only wants the best for you.

21: Getting him to realize he’s actually ended civilian’s lives is a conversation that would take over an hour. His brain has the wildest, irrationally rational excuses ever. (”Officer Miss Pauling, what I am about to say will SHOCK you; I was framed” will never make me not lose my mind. ilove him)

22: His moral compass is, admittedly, terrible, but he genuinely wants the best for people in the world.

23: Helping people, serving his country, that’s his goal. That all he wants out of life. He’s a cog in the machine of war and he loves it.

24: Consequences don’t exist in Jane’s world.

25: He’s so fucking bisexual. This headcanon is not useless at all.

26: Jane snores like a chainsaw - and will then be absolutely silent for spaces of minutes.

27: He never covers his face when he sneezes.

28: He’s very touchy feely - A way to make up for what he so clearly craves.

29: But god this man wants to be touched.

30: As much as Jane holds back on admitting to weakness, he’s also just a genuinely honest guy so simple prodding usually gets him to spill.

31: Jane has never purposefully manipulated someone in his life.

32: He’s only ever seen one movie. Well, more like registered he always zones out at some point. Sometimes starting the movie in a day dream and zoning back in to catch the ending. The movie he’s fully seen was watched through 3 separate sessions.

33: War films, what he does catch, always make him cry.

34: With everyone he meets; Jane immediately thinks of two things. How to kill them. And what to say when holding their guts into their dying corpse and crying to the sky.

35: He has no idea he’s beautiful.

36: Jane doesn’t have a self-effacing bone in his body.

37: He chews with his mouth open, and speaks with his mouth full. He’ll also snap at someone else to stop talking with their mouth full, it’s disrespectful.

38: Jane had a dream where he beat Communism and thought it was true for a whole year.

39: He’s not dumb on purpose. He has nothing to gain by making people think he’s an idiot, as far as he’s concerned. He acts like himself 24/7

40: Jane invented that song Fifty Nifty United States song that’s song in elementary schools.

41: You know those kiddie leashes? You could put one of those on Jane and he wouldn’t be, like, “Okay.” Try and run off and be like “What contraption is holding me here?!?!?!”

42: The answer to life, the universe, and everything is American Apple Pie

43: i just realized im gonna get to answer a headcanon 69 and got excited. UHH jane likes the color red.

44: Jane likes the color blue.

45: Jane likes the color white.

46: Jane loves all skin colors, anybody can be American.

47: Has he retained any American history? Haha. Ha. No.

48: Jane was taken out of elementary school for bad behavior, lack of attention, and general ruckus.

49: His orphanage never tried to send him back to any schooling. 

50: Jane was born July 4th, he doesn’t know that, despite claiming it.

51: He’s not an amnesiac - he’s never had a strong sense for long-term memories. 

52: God, he loves bread.

53: And also he loves taking everything Engineer says literally. He’s such a wise American.

54: Jane would absolute trollface and say “Problem?”

55: He would never say a slur.

56: Jane does not use fuck as a curse ever. He’ll say it, but like, to mean, y’know.

57: He’s a follower, don’t tell him that. He’ll get offended. 

58: Jane is convinced the President is the most powerful being in the world, and is also granted special powers.

59: Jane is progressive, baybee. He thinks dogs should vote!!

60: UNLESS IT HAS TO DO WITH WAR. Then he’s, like, a total bootlicker.

61: He’ll beat up racists in bars.

62: Jane really came alive during Grey Mann’s first robot attacks - for the second time he felt like he was protecting America and not some Very Important American Gravel. 

63: If Jane ever got sentenced to prison, he’d just serve his time.

64: He has Lawyer Powers given to him by magic, and he is not afraid to use them.

65: Besides Scout, he has represented himself, Lt. Bites, and the state of Tennessee in court.

66: He was a bad roommate, he genuinely thought Merasmus was an even worse roommate. 

67: Extreme Cold is a surefire way to trigger his PTSD. He doesn’t act all that different verbally, but he becomes entire still. Not even moving to shiver. It’s like he automatically transfers to late stage hypothermia.

68: Jane may have never played baseball, but he’s briefly been on a bowling team.

69: ayyyyy. Jane always returns the favor, if ya know what i mean.

70: I can’t tell you how much he can lift because I know nothing about fitness, but it’s a lot. And it’s impressive. 

71: Jane practices unsafe workout routines! It’s a miracle lifting without a spotter hasn’t killed him yet.

72: He makes up for his genuine stupidity with Pure Luck.

73: He’ll kill, he’ll maim, but he won’t assault. 

74: Jane’s favorite chocolate is Hershey’s.

75: He’s convinced Milton Hershey, founder of Hershey’s Chocolate, was a President despite him being alive in Jane’s lifetime.

76: Jane isn’t afraid of gay thoughts, never payed attention to period typical homophobia going on around him therefor never got a chance to develop it.

77: Jane would totally be the type of guy to see one of those Fireman Calendars and zone out staring at some dudes pecs and someone asks him if he’s okay and he’s like “I’m ogay.”

78: It’s a miracle, the first time Jane rocket jumped, his legs weren’t blown off. He was injured from the fall, surprised he’d gotten air at all. It was an accident and, while he’d never go to recreate it during his time in Poland, when he’d gotten hooked up to respawn and he saw all the high perches, the trick reoccured to him.

79: He loved Tavish so much

80: He was born in Tennessee, although he grew up in Wisconsin.

81: He’ll make odd little sounds - aborted sentences, thoughts lost to the depths of his brain. You can point them out and he’ll have no idea what you’re talking about.

82: He could have a possum mixed in with his raccoons and think it’s a raccoon.

83: He takes his Ranger Job very seriously. Just as serious as he does all his jobs. (So, you know. Not… very.) He is very enthusiastic at least!

84: He’s not empathetic at all, however energies at Large in a room really affect him. Chances are, if everyone’s in good favor, he’ll be really happy and relaxed - even if previously grumpy.

85: Jane can be really grumpy, that’s when his drill sergeant personality shines through - more often than not, he’s just a good natured loud patriot rolling with the punches of life.

86: He believes in the Judeo-Christian God, but also… believes the president is stronger than God? Sometimes? Depends on the situation. What is blasphemy haha?!?

87: Jane always wanted a puppy - meeting Bites, future Lieutenant, was like a dream come true to him.

88: Plus, he’d always liked raccoons - often responsible for tipping over dumpsters at his orphanage to help the little critters.

89: Jane can and will eat out of the garbage if not stopped.

90: He’s very passionate and strict about what he knows are fact (the issue is, facts can change pretty easily in jane’s head.

91: Good thing he has a helmet because Jane’s puppy-dog eyes are the sort that are clearly un-practiced and unintentional and thus made all the more soul-wrenching. 

92: He’s always surprised by doorbells.

93: Jane would never smoke weed of his own volition, but under the influence, everything would make So Much Sense to him.

94: I’m talking the wildest stoner sayings, that always are so structurally sound it’s scary.

95: This man loves cashews.

96: “Mm crunchy things.. good.” - Shared thought by Jane and Lt. Bites.

97: Lt. Bites likes to curl up on Jane’s stomach when he’s sleeping. Jane often wakes up with his face covered in scratches and fur in his mouth. Much like the Soldier, the Lieutenant isn’t quite a sound sleeper.

98: Fuck, like, he loves cashews so much? The texture is amazing.

99: Jane has no illegitimate or legitimate children.

100: Jane loves his team almost as much as he loves America.

101: IF YOU MADE IT THIS FAR scroll back up and read everything, LOSER otherwise… wow………you love soldier. me too…… 

CONTINUED HERE

[falafel14]

My Big Totally Tubular Stranger Things S2 Reaction Post.

Best Things about S2...

Eleven and Hopper. These two becoming family was perfect. Their rules, their arguments, their broken promises, their tears, their confessions, the funny little dance. It was so them. I loved every one of their scenes together.

Steve and Dustin. The other best new character combo. The roots of this friendship were just so funny - i.e., you’re having a CODE RED emergency but all your useful friends are missing so you’re reduced to recruiting Steve to help you. Poor Dustin. He accidentally rears a pet demogorgan that turns into a killer pack of demadogs and all he gets out of this ordeal is Steve as his buddy and some bad advice on hair products and how to score with girls.

Steve in general. He may have lost Nancy and got himself beaten to a bloody pulp (again) but on the upside he gets to be everyone’s new favorite character. No hype! Exasperated-babysitter!Steve is the best thing ever.

More Will. After his largely off-screen role in S1, Noah Schnapp gives the performance of the season as Will/the Shadow Monster. The kids on this show are all outstanding but Noah blew my mind. All the awards for this kid please. But also...it would be nice if Will got a non-victimy story in S3.

Bob the Brain. Don’t touch me. Don’t talk to me. I’m inconsolable. Bob was a fucking superhero. Sean Astin! My Sam! My Goonie! He was perfect. I hurt my throat screaming “RUN!” at my TV and I’m still crying.      

Joyce’s House. Specifically this reoccurring theme of Joyce’s house becoming a surreal art exhibition and not the best signifier of her sanity each season. May it continue. The Byers house is the best house. And Joyce is the best mom. Bless her crazy lady Momma Bear dangerous driving. 

Eleven solo episode. Seriously? Some fans didn’t like this episode? Okay. But with a season that has three largely Elevenless (Janeless?) episodes I was so ready to have a full episode of Eleven running away and joining a gang of punk vigilantes in the city and getting a badass makeover. As much as I have raved about Noah this time, Millie is still a total powerhouse.

Justice for Barb. Yeah, I loved Barb. I didn’t want Barb to die. But seeing as she clearly did die in S1, I’m glad they didn’t try to reverse it due to fan pressure. I think the focus on Barb’s loss in S2 was just the right response.

Dustin and Lucas’s families. Finally! They both have families! And they are hilarious. Dustin’s mom and Lucas’s little sister especially.

The Snowball. This took me by surprise. What a wonderful surprise ending! With 20 minutes left after the gate was closed I was just expecting something else horrible to happen. Instead we got adorable scenes of kids dancing and Joyce/Hopper sharing a smoke in the parking lot. I was always going to cry at Mike/Eleven dancing at the Snowball but I was in no way prepared for the Nancy/Dustin dance. Totally got me in the feels.

Worst (Stranger) Things about S2...

Not enough Mike. In a season where everyone else got a great individual storyline, I felt like Mike missed out. After being the leader of the kids gang in S1, here he was reduced to pining over Eleven, worrying about Will and nothing else. There were hints of Mike having anger issues and that one scene where he explodes at Hopper was great, but his rage should’ve been better developed. Don’t underuse Finn Wolfhard next season!

Billy and Max. I didn’t hate them but I didn’t really see the point of them either. Honestly I kept waiting and hoping for someone to find 9 and 10 tattoos on their arms. But no, they were just new kid characters. Max’s only purpose was to give Lucas a love interest and to make us wish Eleven was hanging out with the boys instead. Billy’s only point was to be the new dickhead popular boy who bullies Steve so that we can all start liking Steve. But I already had a soft spot for Steve since Nancy drunkenly destroyed his genuine feelings for her. Well actually, I’ve had a soft spot for Steve since seeing his Christmas jumper. So Billy just wasn’t needed (aside from giving Steve a dark slash pairing?). Also the whole “bully is bullied by his father” cliche didn’t work for me.

THAT beloved character death. Noooo! Whyyyy????!! 

Other (Stranger) Things about S2...

Nancy and Jonathan. I’ve never really cared about this couple, but I did love how their hook up was handled so amusingly, with the conspiracy nut journalist openly shipping them and then forcing them to confront their unresolved sexual tension. I’ll like any ship if you make it funny. 

Dart. Dude, I’m a vegan, but I was kind of on Mike’s side when he wanted to kill Dustin’s pet before he turned into a demogorgan and multiplied and killed a load of people. Including Bob and Mews the cat. But then, the scene where Dustin tamed Dart with nougat was genuinely touching.   

The Upsidedown. What’s with all the feathers in the dark place? I keep imagining shadow monsters having pillow fights in the tunnels when nobody’s watching. It’s funny how it’s just not mentioned.

Eleven’s other siblings. Meeting Eight and Jane’s mom was a nice expansion of the mythology. Where are the other nine?

Overall? MUCH LOVE!! Roll on S3.

[rock-and-compass]

Rock and Compass Watches Once Upon A Time – 6.15: A Wondrous Place

Overview

Emma struggles to come to terms with Killian’s apparent departure from Storybrooke. Despite her reluctance, she is tricked into a girl’s night out at the local bar that ends up having some serious consequences. Meanwhile, in the Enchanted Forest, Killian desperately tries to find a way home but gets a little side-tracked when he runs into Jasmine and Aladdin

Discussion, Thoughts & Speculation

Another episode that seemed to elicit very mixed feelings. One thing for sure is that this fandom is very passionate about Emma Swan! I love that she is the character that gets a reaction and causes conversation. Personally, I enjoyed the episode and found Emma’s reactions very understandable and very in character.  It provides a fascinating character study of a particular aspect of Emma Swan – something we don’t get nearly enough of. The show should do more of this kind of thing; the characters are the absolute strength of the show and sometimes it feels like depth of character exploration gets sidelined in favour of plot contrivances and maintaining the thin veneer of peace and harmony between characters who have a lot of unexplored baggage that could be mined for a wealth of narrative gold. The adventures in the Enchanted Forest and Agrabah were fun, a little convoluted at times but, well, this is Once Upon a Time – why go for simple when you can hit up needlessly complicated. The episode has a strong, reoccurring theme of lost and found, but perhaps most interesting, is the undercurrent of manipulation that seems to be swirling just beneath the surface…

Emma reaction – During the previous episode, Emma clearly and concisely lays out her requirements and expectations for her relationship with Killian:

·         Trust is mandatory

·         Secrets are not on.

·         It must be a partnership of equals

·         They must be able to lean on one another and support one another

·         The must face issues (both internal and external) together.

Emma sees this relationship as a partnership built on mutual love. She is very realistic. She doesn’t expect it to be all rosy and rainbows all the time, but she does expect them to be each other’s support system and be for each other the one person they can always depend on no matter what. It was a powerful thing to see her vocalise and be very clear about what she needs from their relationship and what she wants as the foundation for their marriage. Emma wanted Killian to think on this - which he does – and then for him to return home to talk things through with her - which he doesn’t, thanks to Gideon.

But Emma doesn’t know that.

And so during this episode we see Emma fall back into some old habits and, indeed repeat the mistake that Killian made – she doesn’t trusting him. Not that Emma doesn’t have cause to doubt – she has a missing boyfriend and an eye witness account. People have been prosecuted with less. But where it gets really complicated is when we venture into Emma’s head and the complex mix of emotions and feelings that are literally doing her head in. We know Emma Swan well enough to make a pretty educated guess as to what these are. The episode lets us use that knowledge to interpret her actions rather than hit us over the head with obvious emotional exposition.

Front and centre to Emma’s response is the ingrained fear of abandonment that has been with her since childhood. For her, the promise of connection and constancy has repeatedly led to rejection, so much so that she developed the strategy of withdrawing behind protective walls, trusting only herself and never allowing anyone access or opportunity to hurt her. In turn, she has no expectations of other people, they are held at a distance and should there be a risk of breach, then she runs and avoids the danger. All of this functioned to keep her protected. We know that her time in Storybrooke, her parents and Henry have helped her start to break down these emotional crutches, but it is with Killian that she has achieved real success. You will notice that those stipulations she gave Killian last week are the absolute antithesis to her former emotional strategies; isolation is replaced by partnership, mistrust becomes trust, walls become a shared home and self-reliance has become connection. She has opened herself to love because the benefits outweighed the risk.

But…

That risk has backfired. Apparently. This man, with whom she ventured forth on an expedition of growth and change, for whom she has risked everything has seemingly let her down in the worst possible way. He’s abandoned her. And he did so just after she has set out her very clear list of expectations. She has said what she wants and he has run. So here’s the mix; she’s partially blaming herself for speaking up; she’s caused this with her demands. Add to this that she’s feeling stupid and embarrassed – she just freaking announced her engagement and now he’s gone! Multiply that by a good dose of her kicking herself for letting this one get beneath her guard and making her vulnerable, plus there’s the worry - she loves him and she doesn’t know where he is, and of course, there’s a huge slice of anger because he fucking left!. So this is the war going on in her brain – she feels let down and she’s sad and it’s all so new and raw because it’s only just happened and she’s not ready to talk about it, not until she’s processed it for herself.

I will admit, the text doesn’t give us much in the way of hope. It asks us to bring all our pre-existing knowledge of Emma to the table and build our own reading of her response. Would it have been nice to have had a scene where Emma momentarily considers that something else might be going on? Sure, a moment of hope would have been helpful . . .  but maybe that’s the point? We’re watching Emma struggle with her instincts, just as we watched Killian struggle with his last week. Sometimes the best lesson is being wrong.

Emma packs up his stuff, knowing full well that these things are important to him – they are literally all he’s accumulated over the course of a very long life – and it makes it all the more confusing to her. But she packs them anyway. This puts her in control of a situation where she doesn’t have any. It allows her to box up her feelings too. She’s retreating behind a hastily constructed personal wall, she internalises and chooses not to discuss or wonder or even consider any other possibility. This is what always happens to her -she gets abandoned. She’s just feeling like the dumb bunny for letting it happen again. The part of the scene where she examines the ring that Killian gave her in Camelot is, I think, an important one. Henry is occupied with his music, Emma is in the safety of her own home – most of the artefacts are put into the trunk with minimal consideration, except for the ring. The ring is special to her too. He gave it to her in Camelot to ensure her safety, to ensure that she came back to him. It’s a ring he credits with his long survival, or at the very least “It’s a reminder that you’ve got a piercing-eyed, smouldering pirate who loves you.”  It’s the ring that she used as a talisman to find him in the underworld. We remember all this, so of course Emma remembers all of this too! The ring is representative of all they’ve gone through together and its significance only adds to the confusion and sadness. Henry’s question, the call for her sheriff services, they both serve to bring her back to reality, steel herself against the pain and refuel the anger. Cue curt command to have that chest of crap out in the shed before she gets back.

Emma is not impressed to find that the callout is a fake and part of a plot to manoeuvre her into the bar. Its manipulation – even if it is well-intentioned. I’m pretty sure she only stays because of her tipsy Mother’s pleading and immediately she is badgered about the need to “stop holding everything in”. My question here is why is it so important for Emma to share her woes at this particular time and place, and indeed why does she have to at all? These demands are such a gross invasion of her privacy, it’s no wonder she doesn’t yield to Regina’s interrogation! Surely Emma is entitled to deal with things at her own pace – it’s only been a day! It’s not like she’s bottling – she’s just not ready to talk about it yet, at least not to anyone who actually knows her…

It’s often said it’s easier to talk to a stranger about personal things and despite all Regina’s attempts to get Emma to talk, it is to the bartender that she eventually gives a small glimpse of her feelings. And what she reveals is disappointment - it seems like Killian is not the ‘survivor’ she thought her was. She thought it meant stickability but now fears it just meant that he knew the right time to move on. The disappointment and the belief that he doesn’t love her anymore cause the tears. Snow sees her wiping her eyes and is instantly at her side with soothing words. Emma doesn’t want to be seen crying – she doesn’t want this to lead to further discussion of her feelings and so she gives her companions an ending – she says that this is what she needed to see that it’s time to move on. It seems a bit callous, and very premature to be making such a decision – yesterday they were engaged and now she’s talking “moving one”? They’re only words. Words she doesn’t mean, words whose function is to fob off her intrusive friends. The lie of those words is made beautifully clear when she lets herself back into her house and the first thing she sees is the trunk still there, front and centre of the lounge room. Nope, he’s not going to be that easy to forget and there will be no moving on any time soon.

Emma takes the chest out to the shed and of course, is forestalled by a small fuzzy voice calling her name. The call on the shell-phone is everything that Emma needs – it arrests every fear she’s had since Killian disappeared. He’s safe. He has not run away. He loves her.  He is a survivor in the way she hoped; he’s steadfast and true and he is working his hardest to get home to her. Oh, and her requirements for a functional relationship, they didn’t scare him off either.  Gideon has made a grave mistake in messing with Emma’s family and trying to blackmail her. He may think he holds all the power in this situation but she is not going to take any of this kindly. Let’s hope she wipes that weasel grin off his weasel face. If Gideon legitimately wanted Emma’s help, why didn’t he just ask for it?

Where’s the patented “Hope Speech”? – It is very noticeable that no one give Emma a hope speech. These things get trotted out at dark moments with stunning regularity to buoy hope, to encourage, to dispel fear, to keep one on a steady path, to resist temptation. They are Snow’s speciality. David and Henry are pretty good at giving them too. Regina may not have given many but she sure has heard a few. But Emma does not get one. Why not? It is tempting to feel aggrieved on Emma’s behalf - after everything she’s done no one can spare her a kind word or express hope that things will work out? But to take an alternative perspective, maybe it’s not that they didn’t want to do it, maybe there was just no opportunity?

·         David – David fares best here. He gets a pass for a couple of reasons – He’s just found out that Hook did kill his dad a while back, so I think he can be forgiven for not coming out with the hope speech right off the bat. Add to this the fact that Emma and David are very close and very similar – he shows instant compassion for Emma when he finds that Hook has apparently left, he puts aside his own feelings to be there for her. He gets why she needs to keep busy and is cooperative with the sudden desire to digitise all the police records. David knows that a ladies night with half-price liquor is not what Emma needs; He knows she doesn’t want to talk about it yet and he gives her the room and space to process in her own time all the while being unquestionably supportive. David is the one to whom Emma would probably willingly open up when she was ready to talk. Hope speech would have followed. I think it is incredibly interesting that David is literally gotten out of the way and sent to sleep in Snow’s place all so the girls night out can proceed…

·         Henry – It is impossible not to compare Henry, slumped on the couch glued to his phone and earbuds in, to the Henry that we saw prepare a care basket for Regina when she was suffering with a broken heart that one time. Why is Henry so detached this time? I don’t think he is. I think he’s just being a teenage boy. I also think it’s an indictment on the kind of relationship he has with his both of his mothers – With Emma he’s the kid in the relationship, with Regina he functions as a pseudo parent to her. With Emma he doesn’t have to worry about her heartbreak resulting in general curse-type mayhem and vengeance. With Regina, he does. Plus, that care package was creepy and weird… happy to let Henry lounge on the couch being fifteen.

·         Snow – Snow was, up until the Girls Night Out under her side of the sleeping curse – she was asleep. Emma does not tell Snow about the situation with Hook herself. David might leave a few details in a handover note but, the fair assumption is that Regina is the one to tell Snow and co-opt her support for drinkie-poos at Aesop’s Tables without Snow having Emma’s side of the story. Surely Snow would be the safe bet for a ‘hope speech’? Nope, no joy there either – By the time Emma arrives at the bar, Snow is very tipsy indeed. She’s in no condition to give hope speeches.

·         Regina – Regina doesn’t usually give hope speeches, she gets them. But more to the point, Regina is very clearly operating on her own agenda that has absolutely nothing to do with trying to instil a little hope into Emma. . .

A Girls Night Out – It’s Regina’s bright idea. A night for the ladies – for her, Emma and Snow – two for one drinks at the local bar. Right from the get-go Regina feels ‘off’. She’s acting strangely and it instantly puts one on alert. Despite the long and winding road that Emma and Regina have travelled in one another’s enforced company, they do not have the kind of relationship that consists of pre-planned commiseration drinks and getting tanked at the local public establishment. They might have shared the odd impromptu shot, but nothing like this.

Snow is included in the scheme as bait. Snow’s presence is dangled enticingly to make Emma feel more comfortable and inclined to accept the invitation. Emma and Regina don’t spend a lot of time together unless it has specific purpose; this invitation to go drinking together is odd but would be even odder if Snow wasn’t also there. David, as mentioned earlier is dismissed also to ensure Snow participates. Despite all these machinations Emma rejects the whole idea. She wants to keep to herself, keep busy and deal with this in her own way and thinks that Regina should be busy trying to break her parents curse anyway. But Regina is not so easily swayed from her mission and goes for a more direct approach – “I know you’re hurting and I know you’re trying to hide it because you’re….Emma, but you can’t just run from this!” Emma’s reply is glib and dismissive “I didn’t run. Hook ran. So there’s nothing more to say.” Regina makes a bold and unreasonable demand to be granted access to Emma’s feelings and Emma reacts with flippant hostility. She does not enjoy being pushed and she won’t be forced into discussing what she does not want to discuss. She’s not looking for sympathy or to commiserate. She wants privacy. I must admit that I loved the last shot of this scene – Emma sitting at her desk finished with the conversation, Regina standing beside it looking way more peeved than the situation warrants, before Emma finally shoots her a look that dead-pans ‘you’re still here?’ Love it!

Emma is tricked into the night out despite her refusal. And once there she is prodded for revelation. But it’s not done via natural conversation – we don’t see the three ladies sitting together having a drink and talking like friends do. For people who know each other they seem like strangers – it doesn’t help that Snow is having trouble keeping her alcohol-fuzzied head off the bar, but neither does coercion as a method of invitation. Boundaries are being over-stepped and for me, the big question is why? Why is Regina being so pushy and demanding with Emma’s thoughts and feelings? Why is she so determined to get Emma to open up that she would resort to manipulation and trickery? The simplest answer is that Regina is trying to be a friend. I have difficulty with this explanation because I can recall precious few occasions where Regina has been genuinely interested in the feelings of another when there is no benefit to her. And those odd occasions usually involve Henry. So what gives here? What does Regina stand to gain by poking at Emma’s wounds? What’s in it for her?

Regina’s actions are overbearing and manipulative, which in turn, invites suspicion of her motives.  Why is she so keen on getting Emma to this particular bar that she would go to the lengths she did to get her there? Logic says that if she was genuine, she would accept Emma’s disinterest and try another tact (I don’t know, take Snow and a bottle of wine around to Emma’s house later in the evening?). But she doesn’t. She concocts a bar-brawl and gets Emma bought here on false pretences. So WHY?

Okay, I’m going to put it out there – What if Regina is invested in making Emma cry. Gideon’s plan is convoluted and has zero chance of succeeding without some assistance. In the other side of the story we’re watching Killian fighting to get home, he’s going to get there sooner rather than later. This gives Gideon-as-Aesop a very limited window of opportunity to get Emma to visit the bar and to cry – neither thing she shows any inclination to do without some very pointed manipulation. Regina fulfils that duty, gets her to the bar, gets her drinking and then proceeds to interrogate

Regina: I’m trying to figure out what it will take to get you to open up.

Emma: Open up what? I’m open. Hook left. It sucks

Regina: How do you feel?

Emma: Like it sucks.

Regina: Right, but are you mad, sad. Do you feel like throwing things or…crying your eyes out?

Emma: I don’t know – neither, both, all of it

Regina: I thought I was tough to crack.

Well firstly can I just observe that Regina has never been ‘hard to crack’; she loves talking about herself and will do so whenever given any opportunity. And secondly she never actually engages Emma in natural conversation. She is merely musing aloud about what it will take to get Emma to cry and seeing that saviour’s tears are the object of the game then I’d say that makes Regina’s motives here pretty darn suspicious. Add to this, when Emma does get her melancholy on and tear up for the bartender Snow comes over to offer comfort, Emma is embarrassed at being caught wiping her eyes and says “well you got what you wanted” and Regina, who is beside Snow, looks directly at the serviette (see picture below). Emma even reiterates the point “Regina, you got what you wanted.”

The obvious question is why would Regina be doing this? Why would she be helping Gideon? At a guess, he’s threatened her… or more likely Henry and she’s offered him an alternative? I personally think it would have something to do with that newly refreshed darkness in her heart – it was not a gradual build up like the first time, when each horrible thing she did slowly blackened her heart over many years – nope this was one big hit, an overdose if you will, and it will be interesting to see exactly how this affects her behaviour. I suspect that Regina wants her town back and that she will do just about anything to get it. I know this is just speculation but honestly, if this show misses the opportunity to explore the effect of that influx of darkness on Regina in order to pretend that all is sunshine and lollipops then it will be very disappointing. She can’t have got her darkness back for nothing.

Agrabah’s Hero  - Jasmine’s story is largely about her journey to realise that she is Agrabah’s hero. The flashback to her adventure with Ariel reveals the mistake she made that led to Agrabah’s disappearance while the part set in the present day is all about how she fixes that mistake, becomes a hero and reclaims her name.  Like Jasmine, Killian is also on a quest of identity; it may be involuntary and he may have already decided to go home and face his demons before Gideon intervened but now that he’s here, he’s sort of compelled into it. And it’s looking like its going to be a very worthwhile experience for him…  The predicament of Jasmine and Aladdin and their need to find a way home gives Killian an opportunity to show his quality and be the man that Emma knows him to be – the one he lost sight of momentarily when confronted with the murder of David’s father.  The initial angry panic (due to being pissed off at being trapped in another realm and the fact that he knows exactly how Emma will be reacting to his disappearance back in Storybrooke) gives way to calm determination when he realises that his route home will not be direct and that he needs to help Jasmine and Aladdin find their home first. Jasmine and Killian have a lot in common - they are clearly paralleled as they have been throughout the entire arc:

Both love a saviour and have a romance that is not going altogether as planned, largely due to their own actions. Neither feel ‘good enough’ for their significant other because of mistakes they’ve made in the past and thus feel they don’t deserve to be loved. 

Despite this Jasmine and Killian gain much of their strength and bravery from Aladdin and Emma respectively. They make them want to be better people.  

Both are trapped away from home and are on a journey to rediscover the hero within.

They both have a ring of failure – She the ring of Agrabah as a reminder of how she failed her people. He, a returned engagement ring as a reminder of how he failed Emma.

Both have looked to ‘run away’ from their problems and dispose of items that are connected to their problem, but are not the cause of it – the lamp for Jasmine and the memories for Killian. The unforeseen consequences of a wish are not why Jasmine is stranded and feeling worthless. And Killian’s internal guilt and a refusal to believe that he might be forgiven are the millstones around his neck.

Not confronting their fears has led directly to them losing everything – home, and the people they love.

Both will take risks if they need to – a wish, a chance that they convince Jafar to assist them… showing that the coward thing is not indicative of who they really are but is a temporary setback due to circumstances that they need to address.

It’s not surprising that Killian and Jasmine are shown to have a natural comradery and understanding for each other. Their conversation aboard the nautilus is the most honest and productive that we see throughout the episode – it flows through a give and take of information and experience and there is a genuine desire to help one another through this rough patch. At the end of Jasmine’s story she faces and defeats Jafar, which enables her to see how she can get Agrabah back and sort things out with Aladdin – Love is the answer to both in the form of a true love’s kiss. Killian is yet to get his Hero’s epiphany … in the next episode perhaps – something to do with Neverland and unfinished business there? And, like Jasmine, will the reward for facing his past be something that will help him break Snow and David’s curse? Narrative symmetry screams that it has to be Killian and not Regina who finds the answer.  Emma and Killian’s inevitable TLK has been foreshadowed for such a long time and I’ve always said it would be saved for a big moment – maybe the sleeping curse is that moment?

Transitions – The transitions from one scene to the next in this episode are fantastic. On nearly every occasion they make a deliberate point, that more often than not contradicts the prevailing opinion in the previous. This is particularly evident with Jasmine and her journey to realise that she is the hero of Agrabah but there is also some very effective examples from Emma and Hook too. Particularly good is the transition from the opening scene of Emma telling David that Hook “just sailed away” to be completely contradicted by the scene of the Nautilus getting sucked involuntarily into the swirling great portal. Consistently when Killian gets accused of running we transition to a scene of Hook being desperate to get home. When Emma suggests her mother’s bar room antics are a good thing to distract her “from that thing she would like to be distracted from” we cut to a close-up of Killian’s face. Particularly delicious is the cut from Regina trying to get Emma to dish on “that no good pirate” to Hook and Jasmine talking and with him being anything but ‘no good’.

Aesop’s Tables –the writers of the episode has gone to the trouble of renaming the local bar and making Aesop the bartender (Yeah I know that it’s Gideon in disguise, but I’m going to assume that Gideon is just making use of an existing situation rather than starting from scratch – that would be too ridiculous!)  Why Aesop?  It has to be for a purpose and I think that purpose is the drinks named for fables. Three fables/drinks are highlighted:

·         The Dog and the Wolf - A starving wolf meets a well-fed dog and compliments him on his healthy appearance. The dog tells the wolf of his domestic life of ease and invites the wolf to his home. As they go, the wolf asks about a bald patch on the dog's neck. The dog tells him that it’s caused by the collar he has to wear at home. The wolf leaves, deciding that his freedom is too steep a price to pay for an easy meal.

·         The Fox and the Grapes - a fox tries to eat grapes from a vine but cannot reach them. Rather than admit defeat, he declares that the grapes are undesirable. (the origin of the saying “sour grapes”)

·         The Ant and the Grasshopper - one version is about a hungry grasshopper who begs for food from an ant when winter comes and is refused. The moral lesson is about the virtues of hard work and planning for the future. But there is a second version where the ant is seen as the bad example. In that one the ant was once a man who was always busy farming but never satisfied with the product of his own labour, so he steals his neighbours' crops at night. This makes the gods angry and so they turn him into an ant. Yet even though the man changed shape and species, he didn’t change his habits. The moral of the fable is that it’s easier to change in appearance than to change one's nature.

So those three stories are interesting and invite some connections and questions. In regard to the Dog and the Wolf, I find myself asking who, in Storybrooke is feeling that their freedom is being curtailed by an easy existence? Regina springs to mind, she’s been on her best behaviour for the last few years – Henry in exchange for “being good”. That deal has bought other benefits too – friends, family and status but has that fresh addition of bulk darkness to her formerly pristine heart made Regina change her tune and decide that the cost of not being free to do what she likes in her town is too great? The second version of the Ant and the Grasshopper would also seem to be applicable here.  The Fox and the Grapes could easily be a reference to Emma – not that she’s bad mouthing Killian, but she is showing a determined obstinacy against seeing any other reason for his disappearance. Of course, It could also be a meta comment on fandom and the tendency to demonise what you don’t like – combat shipping and sour grapes are a particularly vile combination. I also think it’s interesting that “Aesop” employs a fake fable – “the Artist and his Wife” - to get Emma to talk. He does what Regina couldn’t do by giving her something to empathise with. But it’s a fiction, a trick – just like this whole scenario in the bar from start to finish.

Back in Black – Some big wardrobe changes in this episode. Gone are Emma’s florals and whites, replaced by a look that is pure season one – tight black jeans and top. The confidence and happiness she’s been feeling of late is gone and she’s back in protective mode. Regina too makes a few changes – she’s back in black too, little bit sexier than she’s dressed of late, much heavier make-up. That darkness that’s back in her heart is making an impression. She wears a new hairdo to the bar, and if that’s not an invitation to take special note of what she’s up to then I don’t know what is.

Angry at the Magic – When Emma thinks that Regina is going to offer her a magical solution to mend her broken heart, she is . . . well, let’s just enjoy the irony that Emma expects Regina to be the bearer of a short-cut. Okay done . . . quite aggressive in her rejection. She’s not happy with magic at the moment. The use of the dream catcher would be the prime target but one has to suspect that wishes, and magically aged up brats must be contributing to the short fuse too.

That pesky curse – Regina says she’s working on it but she doesn’t seem overly pressed by the need to break the curse if she can put it on hold to pressure Emma into revealing her emotions. Shouldn’t the curse be of upmost importance? I can’t help but think of the woodcutter…

A dish served cold – Jafar and Gideon are both shown to be manipulative and deceptive pieces of work with both of them masquerading as another person to get something they want. In Jafar’s case, initially it seems that his end goal is power and the desire to rule Agrabah but once the full story is revealed, it is actually just good old fashioned vengeance that is his true motive. I wonder if Gideon’s big talk of being the saviour of the Dark Realm is really just an excuse to get his revenge on the Dark Fairy....

[boleynns]

LOOSE ENDS, ASSHOLES.

I wrote this 3 days ago, because I just KNEW they were going to fuck it all up.

^PHOTO OF A LIAR, for reference. LONG list of pissed off thoughts below.

ON YOUR WATCH.

That Molly scene in TFP was so horrendous. I don’t even ship them at all, but really. How much of an asshole do you have to be???

How did John and Sherlock survive a bomb by jumping through glass windows and landing 2 stories down on the concrete with no injuries?

How did they get on that boat?

WHY were they on that boat?

WTF was that imaginary plane bullshit???

NO ONE CARES THAT THE DOG ISNT REAL, ARE YOU KIDDING ME

Why did Mary think John would pull away from Sherlock if she died, if she didn’t know she was going to die saving Sherlock? If she’d died ANY other way, John would have no reason to pull away.

Why did Mary give Sherlock the 10000% worst advice in the world (seriously, who tf tells their “friend”, who is a DRUG ADDICT, “GO FUCK YOURSELF on drugs, and GO DIE on purpose” on the random ass off chance that John would find this out in time???)?

Why did Mary have a slip of paper to knock Sherlock out prepared ahead of time?

Why did Mary tell Sherlock and John that “A.G.R.A.” was her initials, when if they had just looked at the fucking drive they would see her real name?

Why was she SOOOOO worried that Sherlock and John would look at the drive, if all that was on there were A.G.R.A.’s identities???

Why did Mary shoot Sherlock directly in the chest point blank, which did kill him enough that the doctors GAVE UP, if she wasn’t trying to fucking kill him dead forever?

Why would Mary not recognize Vivian (or at least, her voice) if A.G.R.A. worked with her?

If Mycroft dealt with freelancers, why did he not know Mary wasn’t fucking MARY???

Why would Mary name her daughter after an alias that could get said daughter KILLED??? AND WE FUCKING KNOW THAT NAME WAS DANGEROUS, BECAUSE MARY LEFT IT BEHIND TO BECOME “MARY MORSTAN” YOU IDIOTS

What did John’s letter to Sherlock say? If is wasn’t going to be addressed, why the fuck would you put it in the episode??

Why did Molly deliver such a hard “John would rather have anyone but you. Anyone” message if it had NO POINT.

Where did the baby go when everyone the baby knew was at John’s “Therapist’s” office at the beginning of TLD? And don’t give me that “it was with friendS” crap, literally only Sherlock, Molly, and Mrs. Hudson went to that kid’s babyshower for fuck sake, John has no other friends.

If you can’t handle the placement of a baby for ONE EPISODE, don’t write one into your show FOR LITERALLY NO REASON.

What was Sherlock’s reoccurring dream that he was telling Ella? Why put that in if it wasn’t important?

If Mary isn’t bad, and therefore wasn’t working with “Faith” and Culverton to set Sherlock up to die (which would have been a perfect and interesting conspiracy), HOW did “Faith” and Culverton know Sherlock would be drugged up enough to fall into their trap??

WTF was the POINT of Eurus texting with John IF SHE WASNT WORKING WITH MARY to mess with Him and Sherlock? Literally ZERO point to the “plot”.

Also, we see that John and Eurus see eachother for a 2nd time at the bus stop. I thought it was important, even though y’all acted like all they did was text, BUT NOPE just another loose end.

TD-12 was absolutely useless, and you spent SO MUCH time on it. 

why did mary keep repeating villain lines (“Miss me?” multiple times, “Anyone!” multiple times in her video, literally fuck off)

If mary had time to jump 5 feet to take a bullet after its already been shot than sherlock had time to jump out of the way you idiots

also the irony of your holier-than-thou deduction sequence when Sherlock got shot, about how big spurts of dramatic blood only happens in movies? You literally fucked yourself.

zero point to Sherlock and John’s extended “ROMANTIC LOVE WILL COMPLETE YOUUUUU” scene on every level, went no where

speaking of that scene, how did Sherlock hear “Mary” say that he should wear the hat???? HUH>?

Mrs. Hudson WATCHED Mary’’s DVD with sherlock, why was she all “OH, wonder what this is, what could it be, WOW LOOK JOHN its your wife???” later with John and Mycroft WHEN SHE KNEW SHERLOCK WAS PROBABLY DYING

Also why would she just let John watch that cold, knowing Mary’s face would show up??

Why did you make Irene a lesbian if you were going to keep making her ride Sherlock’s dick via text message AGAIN.

I’m sure she would want to tell you this if she was here, so I’ll relay the message: LITERALLY GO FUCK YOURSELVES, YOU “SHERLOCK CAN TURN A LESBIAN WOMAN STRAIGHT, HES JUST THAT AMAZING, NO HOMO!!!” ASSHOLES

why was John still crying about his no homo bro being dead after two years, no offense to my best friend but I will think of you really fondly but probably not be going to therapy forever and being all “I literally am so heartbroken that i cant even say the things that i wanted to say to him when he was alive”

speaking of that thing that he couldn’t say out loud to Ella the Therapist: i guess he just really wanted to tell sherlock “No homo tho”, just to make sure he knew that before he died

speaking of things unsaid - I guess the serious thing that sherlock was going to say to john on the tarmac, that he chose not to say for absolutely no decernable reason, was “Bro, I’m gonna miss you, bro! We had some good bro times bro, NO HOMO!!1!” and then they do that back-slap hug that guys do so things don't get too homo

no offense to the prop department, but that light-up skull, that would be either lit or not lit or COMPLETELY BLACK, was bullshit

speaking of bullshit: kindly shove all of those elephants up your ass

including that Take-Out menu on Mycroft’s fridge. I hope you get a paper-cut that never heals.

i might as well have not even bothered taking notes on these episodes, when I could have literally never watched the show before, not cared at all, and been totally fulfilled by everything by not giving a shit about details and character arcs and, you know, literally all of ACD’s original works.

OMG SHERLOCK HAS A SISTER, I don’t fucking care.

AW POOR MARY, John and her were clearly soooo in love!! - says a person who thinks couples that don’t want to be together even a little are super romantic

literally he was trying to leave his marriage like a month after it started, literally go fuck yourself

Your show made less sense, in terms of emotion and character arcs, than Guy Ritchie’s cash grab movies. Yeah. I said it.

“Look at us both”. YEAH, LOOK AT YOURSELVES IN THE MIRROR.

oh wait i forgot, you don’t know what a mirror is. what is literature? what are emotions? idk, lets make mary gasp for breathe and say “you were my whole world!!!” to john even though that makes zero fucking sense for her character or their relationship at all and does huge disservice to them both LOL

Mary could have been the most Awesome Badass Mastermind EVER but you fucked her

An Emotional Arc: Its this thing where characters (who, like people) have emotions (CRAZZY i know), and they start in one place emotionally, and end somewhere new through the story! Lets see:

Sherlock: Starts as a suave, kinda swashbuckling guy who tries to tidy up his apartment for John, asks him to dinner, and basically blushes at John’s attention. In the middle: a bit of an asshole, but one who literally tries to die for John over and over, and literally COMES BACK TO LIFE from a FATAL gunshot bc his subconsious doesn’t want to leave John with Mary. End? “Sometimes I text Irene, just like you text your side-chick! No Homo For Life, RIGHT??? Don’t think about how every action I take is to keep you safe or happy, lol”

John: Starts as an emotionally repressed, suicidal, PTSD stricken loner who is immediately enamored with Sherlock’s brain, and literally kills a man like 1 day after they meet. Middle: A bit of an asshole who is horrible at understanding that Sherlock is NOT a robot without feelings - but an asshole who is willing to die for him, and with him, but who has major trust issues. End? “I wish I had REALLY cheated on Mary with Bus Girl, I can’t believe I missed my chance! Also, even though I’m reacting extremely jealously to you texting Irene, I think you should hit that! Now hold me while I cry, and then lets get cake while my baby cries on the floor like a Sim somewhere NO HOMEO”

I will never let you forget this.

Congrats actually, you HAVE made history! You’ve made a Historically Huge Fuck Up.

Your show’s depth is thinner than Donald Trump’s skin.

200+ adaptations of Sherlock Holmes, no courage present - oh, except for that one parody “Oklahomo” one (thanks for including Sherlock tweeting an “Oklahoma!” reference also! if I had balls, that would’ve been a kick to them!).

LOL Sherlock and John - literally so hilarious!! All those people whining “They’re Not GAY that gross, Doyle would be rolling in his grave if he found out people thought that!” and “NO! SHERLOCK IS AN EMOTIONLESS ROBOT except he can fuck irene I'm okay with that for some reason”? They were all right! What a fucking joke.

I guess “Could he daily feel a stab of hunger for you, and find nourishment at the very sight of you? Yes [he’s in love with you]. But do you ache for him?” meant nothing—OH WAIT that’s from a show that actually textually acknowledged the feelings of love between it’s two main characters. And they didn’t even say “No homo!” afterwards?? I can’t believe it.

don’t ever ask your audience to pay attention on a subtextual level again. clearly, you can’t handle it.

also: I honestly couldn’t give a shit about your endless and constant derision and annoyance with people asking about the relationship between the MAIN CHARACtTERS OF YOUR FUCKING SHOW get over yourselves, and i really hope somehow ACD comes back as a ghost to haunt you one christmas, just to tell you straightt to your stupid faces that you fucked up, and how sad he is that it will always be 1895 - because nothing ever changes, and they will be stuck there forever, out of time.

how dare you bring Oscar Wilde and Freddie Mercury into this mess.

Your intentions don’t matter - what matters is that I would have been better off not paying attention to literally ANY details, not caring one ounce about the characters, and just tuning in as a completely casual viewer. 

The real lesson was “Caring is not an advantage.”, and that is sad.

And the real Final Problem? “It’s not about the characters, its about some stupid ass dog and a stupid ass ‘Saw’ house, and who gives a shit about the rest.

Congratulations - I no longer care!