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daebakinc · 5 years ago

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Hero Among Thorns - Pt 4

Pairing: Hyunwoo x Reader Genre: Undercover Detective AU, Action, Romance Word Count: 2.5K Summary: When a mistaken connection results in your kidnapping by one of the city’s most notorious gangs, the undercover detective Hyunwoo has no choice but to rescue and protect you, and, most dangerously of all, fall in love with you. Warning: Mentions of violence and blood. Parts: See Masterlist for previous parts. (Sorry, but Tumblr won’t show posts with links in tag searches.

“But you have to.” Minhyuk stares you down, his happy demeanor gone without a trace. “Didn’t you hear what we just said Yew has done? You can’t just let him walk free.”

“I also heard that all your witnesses end up dead. Getting shot once is an experience I don’t want to repeat, especially if the next time ends with me not breathing.” You drop your face into your hands. Your heart beats in a rabid tattoo, hastened by imagining your dead body sprawled bloody in some dingy alley or dumped in some lonely shallow grave no one will ever find you in. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. Well I did, but I want to put this guy who can’t even do his homework and kidnaps the wrong person in jail, clearly. It’s just… do you have any idea how scary this is?”

“The other witnesses never had us. Our team is the best there is,” Hyungwon says.

“No one is getting close to you unless we let them,” Hyunwoo adds so firmly you almost believe him.

Almost.

You shake your head and hug your knees. It does little to comfort you. “I don't know.” Your voice comes out as a whisper, but you know everyone hears you.

Minhyuk lets out a huff that's somewhere between frustrated and disgusted. The legs of the couch squeak against the floor with the force of him standing. You instinctively pull your legs closer to distance yourself from his angry disapproval. Without giving you another glance, he crosses in front of you. A few seconds later, the door to the apartments slams behind him.

“Don't mind him,” Hoseok says, breaking the tense silence. “Min's just tired and ready to go home. This hasn't been the easiest mission for us.”

“I'm sorry,” you instinctively reply. You're already regretting your impulsive statement. A lot.

“Don't be.” Hoseok smiles, rolls his shoulders as he stands, and crosses the carpet to give your uninjured shoulder a gentle squeeze. “He'll be fine by the morning. Don't worry about all this. Just concentrate on getting better.”

Hoseok looks to Hyunwoo, asking, “We'll see you two at the shop tomorrow?”

Hyunwoo shakes his head. “I'll probably stay here with her for a few days. Might look weird if I go right back to work when my girlfriend was almost killed. Yew's going to be keeping a close eye on us for awhile. Watch your backs.”

“Always. Come on, Hyungwon. I'll give you a ride back.”

Hyungwon dislodges himself from the couch, flashing a salute at Hyunwoo and nodding at you before following Hoseok out the door.

“Guess I better head out, too,” Kihyun says, “since I open tomorrow. Need to be there early for that parts-shipment from Kyushu.”

Changkyun goes to the counter to slip his laptop and tablet into their respective cases. “Can you drop me by my place? I rode with Minhyuk but I doubt that asshole remembered and stuck around.”

“Sure.”

They both say good-night and leave. Jooheon follows, but only after checking your vitals again and repeating his instructions for your medication to Hyunwoo.

Silence fills the space left behind. Mentally exhausted from having to go through the night over and over again, you slump on the couch. Opposite you, Hyunwoo sits in his armchair, lost in thought or half asleep, you can’t tell. With being an undercover agent, keeping up chatter with someone not on his team probably isn’t a frequent occurrence.

As you open your mouth to ask if you can get more items from your apartment eventually, Hyunwoo gets up and moves toward the kitchen. “I’m hungry. Are you hungry?” he asks.

You think about it before replying, “No, thanks. Do you have any tea though?”

“I should.” He squats down to look in a cabinet and you glance away from the lovely view provided by the sweatpants. Where isn’t this guy perfect? “Ah, yeah, here it is. There’s raspberry, green, and honey chamomile. Kihyun can pick us up more if you prefer something else.”

“Chamomile is fine for now, please. Thank you.”

“Sure.”

Curiosity gets the better of you after Hyunwoo turns the electric kettle on and sets out a green ceramic mug beside it. He starts rummaging through the refrigerator. You see him glance at you from the corner of his eye as you climb onto a stool on the opposite side of the counter. But he doesn’t comment, continuing to place different things on the counter.

A packet of kimchi. A can of spam. Eggs. Cabbage. Soy sauce. Sesame oil. Packaged noodles.

Your stomach gives a muffled gurgle. Maybe you will take him up on his offer of a meal.

With quiet competence, Hyunwoo moves around the kitchen with the uncommon ease of a man who knows his way around cooking, measuring, prepping. When the kettle boils, he pours the water over the teabag and sets the mug in front of you with a small bowl of sugar and a dainty bottle of honey shaped like a teddy bear.

As he turns, you ask, “You don’t talk a lot do you?” Realizing you sounded rude, you add, “Not that anything’s wrong with that. It’s nice being around someone who’s okay with not talking.”

Hyunwoo shrugs. “I’m not always good at it. I make things awkward when I speak sometimes, so I don’t unless I need to usually. Does it make you uncomfortable that I don’t?”

“No, no. Definitely not.”

He smiles and turns back to his work.

After fixing your tea to your liking, there's nothing else to do but wait. But you can only sit still so long. You never did do well sitting idle. “Can I help?”

“Sure.”

Despite his quick answer, Hyunwoo has to look around for something to give you. He finally settles on giving you some cabbage to shred for the soup. You clumsily grip one end of the leaves with your injured side’s hand as you tear, your tongue unconsciously poking out the corner of your lips. Quickly, the only noises in the apartment return to the clicks of utensils and rips of your work.

With how chaotic your days usually are, the majority of your hours full of people whining, yelling, and demanding in your ears, quiet when you get home is welcome. But it isn’t always so. More often than you would care to admit, when you’re alone in your apartment in worn pajamas, sitting on your couch with your laptop and a snack in peace, the quiet reminds you how alone you are. No roommate, not even a fish for a pet. Your dating life has been about as dead as Frankenstein's wife. For years now. An embarrassing number of years.

You had underestimated the comfort of having another living, breathing human living in the same space as you when you shared a room with a friend in university. The knowledge that someone else was there, that you could talk to them if you wanted, reach out to touch them. Someone to share your thoughts with that wasn’t yourself. Someone to just kick back and enjoy a movie and pizza with without having to deal with the pressure of maintaining the perfect, polite image work and dates demand.

Yes, you were lonely. Are lonely. If that somehow lowered your standards for human interaction, so be it. Yet, you didn’t feel like you were settling for Hyunwoo’s quiet. Like the man himself, it feels solid, wholesome. Even if it is literally now Hyunwoo’s job to keep you around, you appreciate his company. Watching his hands as he cooks and listening to him clink and bang around the kitchen, the normalcy of it, brings back the warmth to your bones as much as his hoodie does.

“You sure you’re not hungry?”

Meeting Hyunwoo’s eyes through the steam of the cooking ham slices, you shrug with a half-smile. “Maybe a little.”

“I figured you would be.” He takes two bowls from the cabinet. Smoothly, he deposits a healthy amount of noodles into one of them and puts it in front of you. The steam of the soup mingles with that of the two slices of ham he places on top of the noodles. Together, they may be the best thing you've ever smelled.

Kihyun's soup earlier hadn't been bad, but it'd been decidedly bland. Probably under Jooheon's orders. As soon as your spoonful of Hyunwoo's soup hits your tongue, it's heaven. Salty, earthy, noodly heaven.

You rush another spoonful to your mouth, happily chewing away at the ham. As you go for a third, you pause, the hair on the back of your neck tingling. Looking up, you realize Hyunwoo is watching you. He's leaning against the counter, arms crossed, mouth tilted in a smile that shows just a hint of teeth.

“That good?” he asks in an amused tone.

It takes conscious effort not to drop the spoon in embarrassment. You just stuffed your face like a heathen in front of one of the most attractive people you've crossed paths with in awhile. Like an idiot.

Lowering your spoon and your eyes, you sheepishly reply. “Yeah. It's really good.”

“Good.”

“Thank you.”

“No problem. Oh,” he sets down the bowl he'd picked up for himself and drags a bag of medication, “you should take these now. Jooheon said you should take them with food, remember?”

You nod and gulp down the pills as Hyunwoo serves himself. The earlier quiet descends again, broken only by your spoons clinking against the sides of your bowls and the occasional slurped noodle. It's beyond nice.

Just as before, it hits you how isolated you've been the last few months of your life. When you think about it, it's hard to tell if it was because of your job and its accompanying exhaustion or your personal choice. Maybe a little of both.

“Want more?”

Hyunwoo’s words break through your mood. Noticing your bowl is empty, you shake your head and push it away. “I’m good, thanks.”

“No problem.” He takes the dish and puts it in the sink, looking back at you. “Does your shoulder hurt?”

“No. Why?”

“You’re frowning.”

Not for the first time, you lament your utter lack of a poker face. Admitting just getting to eat with someone made you over the moon isn’t an attractive option. “No, it's fine. It feels pretty dull. I was just...”

You run a hand through your hair out of habit. The strands feel greasy. A perfect excuse. “I was just wishing I could wash my hair. But it'd be really hard to do without getting the bandages wet. Maybe we could cover it with something to keep it dry? Like wrap a garbage bag or plastic?”

“That should be okay. I might have a spare trash bag.” He reaches towards the cabinet under the sink, but pauses before opening the door. Hyunwoo straightens and says, “Or you could just wash it here if you just need to wash your hair.”

“Here as in the kitchen sink?”

“Why not? I’ll just move the dishes to one side. It has one of those hose things so that would make it easier to rinse. That way your bandages don't have to get wet at all. I've had to wash my hair in a sink a lot when a shower wasn't an option.”

“I guess that'll work...”

He smiles. “I'll get the shampoo and a towel for you.”

You refill the space in front of the sink after Hyunwoo vacates, eyeballing the hose. Maybe if you just bend forward with your face in the sink that could work. But then the shampoo would get in your eyes. You try bending backwards, but the height of the counter proves your undoing. Even with your flexibility, a must for a dancer, your head barely comes anywhere near the sink.

Still half bent over backwards, you glare at the upside-down sink. “Stupid,” you mutter.

“Is that comfortable?”

You stumble as you right yourself to find Hyunwoo returned with a fluffy black towel and a very large black shampoo bottle. “No. Maybe the sink isn’t such a good idea. Even with the hose, I think it would be too weird an angle.”

Putting the towel and bottle down, he studies the sink. His fingers drum against his hips as he thinks. Hyunwoo grabs one of the stools and pulls it around the counter. He moves around you to put it in front of the sink. “If you sit on this, I can wash it for you.”

“You’d do that?” you ask, caught by surprise. You haven’t had anyone else wash your hair since you were a child. Not even when you get a haircut. Certainly no past boyfriend had ever offered.

“It’s not like women wash their hair any different from men.” Hyunwoo says. “Or do they?”

You can’t help your laugh. “I guess not. Okay, thanks.”

He nods and hands you the towel. Once you have it draped around your neck with your bandaged arm safely covered, you slowly lean back until the back of your neck touches the cool metal of the sink. Hyunwoo leans over you to turn on the water. As you stare up at his chest, just how big he is hits you all over again.

Thank goodness he’s on your side.

You jerk in surprise when instead of the warm water you were expecting, Hyunwoo’s palm comes to your forehead and pushes it back. Despite your discomfort, you keep your mouth shut. He’s doing you a favor afterall.

But when Hyunwoo starts trying to massage the shampoo into your hair like it’s a stubborn stain in a rug, you hiss and clap your good hand over his. “Ow!”

He stops immediately and asks in a worried tone, “Did I hurt you?”

“Just a little softer, please.” Readjusting to a more comfortable position, you move your hand on top of one of his. It doesn’t quite fit, but Hyunwoo lets you manipulate his fingers in much gentler motions. He seems to get the hang of it after a few moments, but you keep your hand where it is a little longer than necessary. The warmth of his hand feels too good.

“Sorry, for hurting you,” he says. “Never done this before.”

Snatching your hand back into your lap, you reply, “So you're not like the Zohan.” You chuckle at your own joke.

“The what?” He stops.

“The Zohan. Zohan Dvir. From 'You Don't Mess with the Zohan.' The Adam Sandler movie?”

“Never seen it.” Hyunwoo shakes his head and shrugs apologetically.

“It’s okay. It’s kind of a lot of stupid, but it’s good for when you want to just laugh. You don’t have to think about anything. It’s about an Israeli special forces agent who fakes his own death so he can pursue his dream of being a hairstylist.”

“Seriously?” He laughs, which makes you smile. It’s too cute.

“Yeah. I haven’t watched it in forever. Too many movies to watch, too little time.”

“You like to watch movies?”

You’re grateful for the excuse to close your eyes when he starts rinsing your hair. “It passes the time well when you’re alone a lot.”

To your surprise, Hyunwoo answers, “I get that. I sleep or workout, but movies sound fun. Sorry, I don't have anything more girly smelling, by the way. I can ask one of the guys to grab you some of whatever you like using from the store and drop it off.”

“It’s okay. Yours smells good.” You open your eyes when you feel Hyunwoo lift the towel from your front so he can help you sit up. He drapes the towel around your shoulders and starts drying your hair. His hands are much gentler than before so you can’t help but sag into your seat a little. The simple comfort makes you feel like a cat, ready to curl in a purring ball. “Are you sure you’re a secret agent?”

“Pretty sure.” You can hear the smile in his voice. “Why?”

“You’re better at this than you think.” And despite his size, he has the personality of a teddy bear. It’s hard to equate the person tenderly drying your hair with the badass who rescued you.

“You have to be a quick study to survive at this job. Otherwise you don’t stay alive long.” His voice lacks any hardness in spite of the bluntness of his statement, as if he’s just stating a normal fact. Hyunwoo pauses, then says, “That was a little dark, wasn’t it?”

“A little, but I guess it’s true. You can’t deal with the underbelly of humanity and get by on a whim.” Hesitating, you add, “Thank you, by the way.”

“No need for that. It’s just hair.”

“I mean for saving me from those men.” You feel Hyunwoo’s hands slow, but keep your eyes straight ahead. “I don’t think I said that to you yet, but really, thank you.”

“It was nothing. Just another day for us.”

Just another day. And you’re just another mission, you remind yourself. Your gaze falls to your hands as you fight that tiny feeling of disappointment. “Oh. And I’m sorry for pulling the gun on you.”

That makes Hyunwoo laugh again. He comes in front of you and leans against the counter, still smiling. “It was empty, remember? No harm, no foul.”

“Still… it wasn’t nice.”

“Trust me, I’ve had much more dangerous people point loaded guns at me. I’ll take you pointing an unloaded one at me any day.”

“Are you saying I wasn’t intimidating?” you ask, only half-joking.

He smiles and walks away with the towel and shampoo. “Yes.”

#shownu scenario #monsta x scenarios #kpopwritingnet #kwriterskollection #kwritersworldnet #monsta x #shownu #son hyunwoo

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paradise-of-guilty-pleasures · 4 years ago

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Shattered Reflections {22}

[Helsa RP- Fanfic]

Fandom: Frozen

Genre: Post-Frozen/ Canon Divergence

- Hurt/Comfort, Drama, Romance

Pairing(s): Hans/Elsa, Kristoff/Anna

Previous Chapter:21. Nonchalant

A/N:

Direct continuation of the previous chapter. I'm really bad at updating I had this done since I posted the last chapter, but just kept pushing off the update. I have two other chapters. IDK how soon I should post them, cause I don't want to spam them.

22. Waltz of the Snowflakes

Elsa was appeased knowing that in the future, even if Hans didn't continue to stay in the castle, he would still want to put down roots somewhere nearby, remaining somewhere between the castle and the sea. Not straying far from her, staying at her beck and call. The idea eased more than her mind, it really seemed to warm her heart as well.

Her heart had been feeling a little lighter that night. It was a strange sensation to have it be constantly aflutter. She didn't quite fathom why the feeling seemed to be lingering longer than it usually did. Though she just thought it was more peculiar than particularly unpleasant. Her heart's flutter was not the most abnormal thing she was presently experiencing either. Stranger still was the sudden surge in her magic, that desperately wanted to break free. A tingling extruded from her extremities, yet the unexpected swirling of magic within her didn't feel like any of the normal outburst that often occurred when she got anxious. This burst of power was somewhat different, it seemed more euphoric, if she had to make a comparison she'd consider it to be closer to the feeling of when she let it go for the first time in forever, more than anything else. The abrupt sensation scouring through her body puzzled her a bit because she didn't understand why now? Most of the time her powers started acting up was when she felt more negative emotions, currently she was feeling quite the contrary, in fact she was rather content, but she didn't think that alone would warrant her powers to swell inside her.

Elsa had a soft smile on her face. She had been curiously looking down at her hands.

"Yeah, I-Oh?" she began to respond, but she suddenly stopped when she spotted a snowflake slowly drift by her nose. Elsa looked up and saw that a small flurry had formed above her which was starting to softly drop snowflakes around her. This was new. "That's...strange. What is going on?'' She commented pointing up a bit stunned at what was occurring, being surprised by her own powers was something that didn't happen quite often. Her icy blues were opened wide, transfixed on the abnormal snowfall. "I have absolutely no idea why my powers decided to be unruly right now."

Hans grimaced a little at the thought.

"Should I be worried, your Majesty? I seem to recall the last time they got unruly was a rather painful experience for all of us." He laughed a little nervously and shifted somewhat uncomfortably to give her space. Not because he was afraid of her, but because he was reminded that she should be afraid of him.

"Hm? No, I don't think so, it's nothing that drastic," she assured, she flicked her wrist and the flurry vanished. "I think I have it under control."

Elsa turned facing towards the window and began to test her control over her powers. She quickly conjured a variety of forms which she quickly transfigured. She began the release of her pent-up magic with a snowman much like Olaf which collapsed and reconfigured to a horse, followed by a replica of her Ice Castle that then turned in on of the Arendelle Castle. After seeing enough of her perfect precision over her magic she let it dematerialized.

She hummed in confusion. "That was rather odd, I know my powers sometimes seep out when I feel anxious, but the thing is I didn't think I was feeling that way at all, also it usually tends to be ice not snow." Elsa was perplexed, she pressed her lips. She might have thought it wasn't due fatigue but she didn't think that was the case either. She really was clueless.

"Hmm, ice for danger, snow for... something else? Something lighter?" Hans proposed, perplexed and intrigued as he leaned back to watch her work upside-down. He grunted a little and righted himself when she was done, finding he couldn't process anything upside-down, anyway. He seized upon a strange idea, and pushed himself to his feet. In spite of his drinking earlier, he seemed perfectly steady. He'd had some time to process the alcohol, after all. He offered her his hand.

"Perhaps it only makes sense to women who've known me in more pleasant circumstances, but I've just realized we've known each-other for a rather long time now, and I'm not certain I've ever asked you for a dance. That's not very like me." He mused. He wondered if that would change the ice as well. He wasn't sure what he thought he was doing, but somewhere deep down, it felt like that made sense. Dancing would illuminate things. He often liked to dance and think at the same time.

Elsa thought Hans' hypothesis about the snow seemed rather reasonable, but she wondered why something similar hasn't occurred sooner. Dance? The invitation caught her off guard, bringing out a blush on her cheeks yet again. She gawked at him, from his offered hand to his contemplative face. Elsa couldn't determine whether his proposition or the snow were the far stranger between the two. Though she decided she'd take his suggestion as part of the tipsy foolishness he'd warned her about earlier.

"Um, you have not," she responded. "Though I'm uncertain what that has to do with anything," she started in confusion, yet her own hand already seemed to be hesitantly dancing to determine whether or not she should take his hand. "Also I'm not much of a dancer, I'm certain I'm quite bungling at it."

"Not a thing." He assured sweetly. "Unless it does and I don't know. You don't have to be good, I like a simple box-step. Trust me to lead and you'll do fine." He assured, never wavering in his offer. "I'm in the habit of dancing often. There were always maids around to dance with at home, so it was a good way to pass the time, hold a conversation, pretend everything was alright." He assured, at least he admitted the truth; it was pretending.

Elsa teetered a bit more, she paused, looking him over one more time, intently gazing into his eyes for a long moment.

"Alright," she said softly as she gently grasped his warm hand with her own. Elsa figured dancing was something a bit more formal anyway, an activity royals partook in often, even if she herself wasn't one of them. Besides, they had certainly already been a lot more intimate than that before, so taking up on his offer couldn't possibly hurt, could it? He was also her friend now, surely that's something they do together. Regardless of all the logical reasoning (or excuses as others may prefer to see them) the reality was that a part of her strongly wanted to feel his ever emanating warmth against her skin once again.

Hans smiled a little to himself and positioned their arms as he walked her out a little ways from the bed. Just as well that it was simple, he was still injured and couldn't exactly do a whole lot of activity. He hummed a tune with the appropriate rhythm and held her close while he led, starting slow for her and picking up to match the music as she got the pattern.

"There we are. An easy box-step." He sounded pleased with that, continuing at the same pace, as constant and inevitable as the tide.

Elsa did struggle a bit at first, stumbling and not perfectly matching the pattern, but with Hans taking the lead and his gentle guidance she seemed to be getting the hang of it fairly quickly. She had been pretty preoccupied at first trying to focus all her attention on her feet, but now she had gotten more control over her motor skills and could actually look at him.

"I do beg your pardon if I step on your toes too hard, but I do think I'm finding my footing."

"Oh, you're not the first person I've guided through the steps, and you've had a little more practice than some of the maids." He assured her, not minding at all. "I'm a tough young man, I can handle being trodden on once or twice." He joked, carrying on the pace without worry, and just enjoying the rhythm of the movement. It wasn't often that he shared something from home that wasn't angry or depressing. It was just a nice thing he held onto and brought wherever he went. An odd habit he enjoyed. A simple box-step for no good reason other than that it was enjoyable.

"Only a bit of practice, not much though, definitely not the adequate amount that a Queen should know. Certainly ill-prepared for any royal social gathering. Luckily I don't have to partake in those if I don't desire," she assured. "Hopefully you don't get trodden thrice I'm afraid to find out what happens then," she joked back with a giggle.

Their dancing had made yet another bittersweet memory re-emerge, it was her dancing with her father when she was a little girl, stepping on his toes being half his size. Happy memories with her parents were so few and far between she often wondered if they had just been lovely dreams she made up in her solitude.

"Everyone misses a few things they ought to know, there's not enough time in one's youth to get all that information at once." Hans assured, with unusual amounts of forgiveness for himself. He said it as if to brush away her anxieties and shield her from them. "At any rate, you're doing a lovely job. You've got the grace to dance, just not the training. Never mind it, it will come." He assured her, though confident for no particular reason except to make her feel better.

"That's for certain, might as well learn how to do some of that stuff now," Elsa smiled. "Thank you, probably wouldn't be as lovely without an excellent instructor." She complimented. Elsa thought the two of them just dancing for no particular reason was rather nice. Just being in each other's company always felt right, more so when they shared pleasant moments (which unexpectedly involved much warmth and caresses exchanged between an Ice Queen and a quondam Prince).

"It's surprising, I must've danced with half the girls in the Isles by now, just by fact of how many maids we hire. But I don't tell everybody I play the harp. Funny how one can get things out of order, going to a new place." He observed, smiling slightly as he danced with her. He hummed again, a slow, perhaps even romantic song. It had to be slow, starting to learn, every song felt much faster, but that didn't ease the romantic tension any. Romantic tension that Hans didn't seem to mind, if he noticed it. "Hmm. Is that so? I guess that makes me part of the lucky few. You know I'd still very much love to hear you play for me, and there's a harp waiting to be used in the music room, most likely untuned, but it's there," she reminded him warmly. "But perhaps not right now, but someday soon would be nice," she encouraged with a sweet smile and softness in her eyes.

"Certainly, I'd love to play for you. Any time you and I are both in, perhaps a tea time, if you're not occupied elsewhere." He proposed lightly. 'elsewhere' being Anna, no doubt. "I suppose it's only fair, I'm one of the lucky few who has seen you with your hair down, I've no doubt." He glanced to her hair, with something all too fond in his eyes. Perhaps it was good that his hands were occupied with the form of the dance, else he might have tried to touch it. That surely would have been... bad?

"Of course, tea time might actually be the most opportune time to have a rendezvous, I'm seldom occupied during tea time, I usually spend them alone in the library, so I would definitely enjoy it if you joined me and spend one together," she eagerly assured him. Elsa became a bit more bashful with his observation of her hair, especially with the way he looked at her with his green gleaming eyes. She slightly averted her face from meeting his gaze directly, bringing one of her crimsoning cheeks near her shoulder, yet a smile stayed on her face. Suddenly, another soft sprinkling of snowflakes started to surround, not just Elsa, but the both of them.

Hans couldn't help but smile a little at the snowflakes. "I thought a dance might draw a little flurry out of you." He hummed. But he wasn't sure yet what they meant. Just that they were a good thing. "That, or I'm very wrong and it's a sign you're coming down with a... cold." He giggled a little at the pun he only realized was there as he was telling it. "Oh there's snow way to talk to me without puns eventually, I'm afraid." He had been spending time with Kristoff and Olaf. If anything he now had more horrible puns.

Elsa was still bemused by the snowflakes produced by her unpredictable powers. She looked at them with wonder trying to make sense of what they meant, but still had no clue besides recognizing that it was somehow linked to her current bliss.

She laughed a little at his pun. "Oh, I don't get colds and even if I did I think you'd snow." She thought it was rather silly, but that didn't stop her from trying.

Hans laughed a little more at her returned pun. He looked different when he smiled with his eyes, hints of crow's feet that showed only in the rare event that he was genuinely that happy.

"Should we stop, or should I go for 'Icy what you did there'?" He teased. "Ah, it's late, isn't it? Or perhaps early, by now? Should I stop distracting you before bed?" Yet they still danced. He seemed to dance by habit, hardly noticing he was doing it.

"It would indeed be wise to get some rest before daybreak,"she said softly, yet was reluctant to let go, not knowing when they'd be able to share another warm moment like this again.

Hans slowed the dance all the same.

"Another dance another time?" He proposed gently. "I can see I still have some healing to do before I take on the guard training full time. I'll have a little time." He suggested. He smiled a little to himself, perhaps realizing how that sounded. Almost as if he would be going away to war, though it was truthfully not far a walk from the castle doors to the guard's barracks. But, he knew she was a busy woman.

"Perhaps," she smiled. "This has been rather nice and I could also really use the practice." And there it was again, adding some other justification, she just couldn't seem to allow herself to admit that she wanted to do it solely for her own pleasure.

Even though Hans wasn't going too far once he healed, she still wanted to cherish and indulge herself with more of these warming moments. She wanted to enjoy this freedom of spending time together, since it wasn't going to last forever.

He nodded, and finally let her go, if slowly. He was as reluctant for her to leave as she was.

"I shall see you when you next want my presence, I suppose." He hummed, but he said it with a little smile. He liked it when she visited. She had asked herself if she was treating him like a bird in a cage to sing for her-- but she had never thought about whether he liked to be her songbird.

The snowflakes ceased, yet she hadn't been paying so much attention to them anymore.

"I suppose so," She affirmed, tucking some of her hair behind her ear, with her now free hand. "I guess, I'll see me, wait no, I meant you, ah anyway, I'll see you fairly soon then." Elsa assured with a slight stumble with her words, similar to how she'd done earlier with her feet. "Possibly tomorrow if I'm able." Of course, she was talking about finding time rather than asking permission. She had already been keeping her promise (to the best of her ability) of coming to visit him, if only for a short amount of time. So there was no doubt she'd be back, but she liked to reassure him anyway.

Hans nodded, looking hopeful and encouraged about it.

As soon as Elsa left, he returned to the bed, to sleep almost instantly. He'd had quite a busy day, after all. But he would sleep comfortable, thinking of all the positive things-- but especially of the snow.

Elsa had gone to sleep much later than she intended, she laid in bed, her mind lost in contemplation. You'd think sleep would come easy after such a lovely evening with both Anna and Hans, and perhaps it would have if something else wasn't tormenting her thoughts.

What kept her mind restless was the mystery surrounding why her magic had been acting up that night. It had only caused her powers to amplify and an involuntary snowfall, two things that weren't at all bad, just unexpected.

It had also been a different sensation than prior times her magic had been rowdy and that was a bit disconcerting. Something like that had never happened to her before, even blissfully being with Anna, which she believed bore the closest resemblance to what she felt with Hans. Yet with Anna she only felt a warmth that flowed from her heart, a melting sensation, but in a good way. That was not at all what had happened with Hans, she did feel something strange in her heart, but it wasn’t quite the same.

So that brought up the pressing question: Did the new outburst have something special to do with Hans? If so, what was so different? Why did it only happen with Hans and not with Anna too? She started thinking about what made her powers tick, she knew that both fear and love were catalysts that amplified her magic, she hadn't been feeling the former so that only left the latter. Love. Could love really be involved in what caused the outburst? She was certainly fond of Hans, there was no doubt about that, he was her friend now, but could it be she felt something more than amiable affinity? Could she maybe really...no, that'd be silly. Elsa brushed that thought away, perhaps she was overthinking things again, like she tended to. Whatever caused the occurrence Elsa decided it was best not to continue worrying about it that night and instead get some much needed rest.

#Helsa #Iceburns #Hans x Elsa #frozen #Fanfiction #Frozen Fanfiction #Fanfic #Shattered Reflections

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humansoulsarg · 4 years ago

Text

Blast from the Past Garfield Comics Solve

On March 28, 2017 - Pangent dropped several modified Garfield comics on the tumblr. Frantic work happened by the team in the discord. You can go find it if you want to relive the chaos. For some reason, it appears this solve was never posted to the humansoulsarg.tumblr.com blog. Today, we aim to remedy that situation. Enjoy! Pangent comics: FEED ME: https://pangenttechnologies.tumblr.com/post/158944128617

Original:

Use a Vigenere cipher to decode the comic. Ciphertext is shown in the Pangent version, the Key is the Original text Panel 1: MR TQIAE MVP WWG ZKBKTQIRO ELE A TRXNOBTIQMA HIZ LBSC LB VP GZO MNLM QITQ EZNI. Hi, there… I’m Jon Arbuckle. I’m a cartoonist, and this is my cat, Garfield. Panel 2: OR TPHAFI MNI AHMNNMIUA CAXJ SDTM MBJ TMFK JU CO WWIATJ PPQOBQIA ERVG AAFQNL. Hi, there. I’m Garfield. I’m a cat, and this is my cartoonist, Jon. Panel 3: XDR QRUY XQQYPQC IB CO ERCHATFMW YSDO. NEJV EPU. Our only thought is to entertain you. Feed me.

Results: panel 1: FJ AJEJA EJG IJG IJHIJFEJC EJE J ADJAGJAIDJH AAH DJGE JB CJ GIJ EJAJ JAAJ AIJA panel 2: HJ AIDJBA AHI JCEJCJAIA AAEJ FAAF EJB BAHI JD JA IJAIAA BCJGIJEJ AJJA AJAIJA panel 3: JJA CEJA EJCEJJJ AJ JA AEJDJAFEJ AEJJ. JAGJ ABA A1-PF convert (set A=1, B=2, C=3, …, J=0, K=A, … P=F) and reverse, recombine into 3-character groups, decode as decimal ASCII: panel 1: 109 101 100 105 097 032 057 048 118 049 107 104 105 053 056 098 097 097 051 050 106 media 90v1khi58baa32j http://mediafire.com/?90v1khi58baa32j unlockering.zip panel 2: 109 101 100 105 097 032 119 109 104 098 122 056 116 051 119 103 053 098 112 049 108 media wmhbz8t3wg5bp1l https://mediafire.com/?wmhbz8t3wg5bp1l breathless.zip panel 3: 12 107 100 051 056 104 051 100 100 053 051 053 100 ?kd38h3dd535d Unsure what to do with this at the moment, let’s look at those ZIPs… unlockering.zip contains unlockering.wav A Kansas City Standard encoded audio file.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kansas_City_standard

Decoding yields a text file with some Vigenere text at the beginning and an ASCII art picture Vigenere with key ‘guineapix’:

The ginger one is called Daisy. She is a special needs pig. She has cataracts in both eyes and is blind. The little one with black nose ears and feet is called Lucy. The big ball of fluff is Annabel. Her breed is Swiss. The one with funky fur on the back end and ginger round the eyes is Boris. A neutered boar who lives with the girls.

breathless.zip contains breathless.wav A Kansas City Standard encoded audio file. Decoding yields a text file with some Vigenere text, decoded with key 'guineapix’:

Lottie, you’d like this. I was reading a book the other day. We’re in the information age, right? All of us, we’re just bombarded by too much information, all the time. Spam emails and social media. Doing really simple things becomes difficult, or complicated, or distracting. We’re all looking for a way to cut through all the noise. It’s easy to blend in and get ignored. It’s an atmosphere which rewards people who really stand out. You have to be bold and spicy and delicious. You’ve got to be a spirit. Can’t be a ghost. Dick Tracy’s on, I’m gonna shut the TV off. There are days when I think we could take over Pangent. The three of us. Take it over and make it right. Maybe that’s just a dream. Maybe that’s the thought that keeps me here. Our mutual friend Alex Schreyer has created a culture of secrecy and fear. He learned that from his dad. So we’re scared. Hiding behind layers of security. We don’t talk to each other. That’s not the way to make a scientific breakthrough. We need to share information. We need to talk to each other, brainstorm with each other. Care about one another. We could fix Pangent. Change everything about it. We could accomplish great things. But we’re scared. Scared of what we could actually do. Lottie, there’s something you wrote for the personality test. Technology. Information wants to be free. And progress belongs to the people. Companies will keep their secrets. They’ll copyright anything they can. But they’ll market it and sell it and blow it up all over the place. Well, information gets out, one way or another. Once you invent something, you can’t uninvent it. Sometimes you have to be real careful with what you put out into the world.

Pangent comic: Pipe https://pangenttechnologies.tumblr.com/post/158944279592

Original:

panel 2: NTA FJIAF EXATM QHPR YEBN NWFW Now Where could my pipe be? panel 3: MRFSAJPOJ!! Garfield panel 2: AFE JCEJB CJGIJ EJAJ JAAJ AIJA panel 3: GRONSFELD!! A1-PF on Panel 2, reverse, and group by 3’s: 109 101 100 105 097 032 053 056 1 media 58? Aha! Combine comic 2 panel 2 + comic 1 panel 3: 109 101 100 105 097 032 053 056 112 107 100 051 056 104 051 100 100 053 051 053 100 media 58pkd38h3dd535d https://mediafire.com/?58pkd38h3dd535d withourterrors.zip withourterrors.zip contains withouterrors.wav A Kansas City Standard encoded audio file. Decoding yields a text file with some Vigenere text, decoded with key 'argentinamayorsassenheim’: (ooh! a combination password)

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% C: Drinking Bird update. Thirteen months without any significant incident. Lucky. I’ll raise a glass to that. The Cube has stabilized to a degree I wouldn’t have thought possible when we began studying it at the beginning of 2017. Reluctant as I am to admit it, Leslie Walsh (aka MayorSassenheim) is responsible for most of that. She’s written code that keeps the Cube stable without real peaks and valleys, and it seems the Cube is capable of learning from that. If I trusted her, I’d leave her to her work and be done with it. I wish I could do that. The situation would be simpler. Officially, I left Project 555 a long time ago. L: you pinged me why did you ping me C: I didn’t. I was talking about you. It must have pinged you automatically L: “Drinking Bird update” jesus lottie C: What? L: you shouldn’t even be doing this who is that even an update for C: For myself. L: of course C: talking to myself thinking about myself it’s what I’m good at. L: i didn’t say that. turn your mic on i’m switching to voice. C: Over a year without any kind of disaster. Leave me alone, I’m celebrating. L: You’re lurking. In the shadows of a project you were fired from how long ago? C: I can do what I want. L: Yeah, I think that’s actually your job title at this point right? Like we don’t know what to do with Lottie and we don’t want any trouble, so I guess Lottie does what she wants. C: Leslie, I’ve been avoiding this conversation for awhile, and I’ve thought long and hard about what to say. So, here it is. Fuck off and die, Leslie, and also fuck you. L: How’s the kid? C: Beautiful. She’s the sun and the moon and the sky and the stars. She’s about six full time jobs, but Eric helps. He’s not bad at the whole father thing. L: Good. I’m glad. I’d like to see her. C: I don’t think that’s a good idea. L: I wish you’d let me be a part of your life again. C: Well, shit happens. L: What was I supposed to do? C: The four of you stole the project out from under me. L: Is that what you think happened? C: And now he’s in charge of all of it. L: Officially, he always was. None of that changed. C: You took control of my work. L: And nobody died. Nobody got hurt. Like you said, nothing happened for thirteen months. What should I have done? Leave it all to him? Dammit Lottie, I did this for you. I worked myself to death on this project, just to make sure it wouldn’t kill anybody. C: It wasn’t your responsibility. It wasn’t your burden to take on. It’s mine. L: Well, shit happens. C: This project, it drains you, it changes you. You shouldn’t have had to deal with that. It’s wrong what you did, and it’s wrong what it did to you. To both of us. L: Lottie, I did my best. Under the circumstances I tried to do what you would do. In my head it’s like I was you. C: That’s ridiculous. For one thing you’re smarter than me. L: No, I’m not. My god, I’m not. C: You are. L: This is a weird thing to say, but like … do you ever feel like you’re in the wrong timeline? Like you’re in a science fiction book about, what if the Nazis won World War II or something? Sometimes it feels like, this wasn’t supposed to happen. Like everything is wrong. C: Yes. I do feel that way sometimes. I think it’s called depression. L: Why do you hate me? C: I don’t hate you. I don’t want to hate you. We were friends and I love you. L: Lottie. C: But we can’t even be friends now and it’s bullshit. It’s him. Alex. And Liam. On their own they’d be almost harmless. The two of them together, they amplify each other’s worst qualities. L: Oh believe me, I know. Multiplying and dividing by a pair of zeroes. C: God, them and every other asshole I had to deal with and still stay halfway sane. L: Project Four. C: Project fuckin Four! Working at Pangent, it’s poison. It poisoned you and it poisoned me. Maybe I do hate you, Leslie. I hate what you did. I hate that you did it better than I could have. L: I miss you. C: Don’t be dramatic. We were only friends to get back at him. L: We were friends because we were friends. C: You know what he said to me, a couple weeks before he took control of 555? He said, I know that you and Leslie will always be friends. Didn’t sound great, coming from him. I think somewhere inside me, I made my mind up to prove him wrong. L: We could have talked this out. Dammit, we were friends. We were supposed to protect each other. C: Whatever that was, that was a moment in time, and times change. You’re stuck in a moment and you think that moment will last forever. But really a moment only comes once. L: I saw you, poking around in the code. Like the whole entire time. You weren’t super subtle about it. Were you trying to get my attention? C: Probably. Yes. L: Alex saw it too, I’m sure he did. C: I don’t care. L: I mean like I kept him from seeing the last build you did. Well, the second to last build. You should really have hidden that better. C: I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about. L: He isn’t spying on this chatroom. C: You don’t know that. You fucked me over so many times. You let him in through every backdoor. L: I let him play. Like, I let the baby have his bottle. It was gonna be a fucked up situation either way. C: That doesn’t mean I can ever feel safe again. L: I get that. I’m sorry. C: You should be. I should be. There’s a lot of sorry to go around. L: You finished it, didn’t you? 555. That was supposed to be a final build. Then you erased it. C: I stopped it before it finished uploading. L: It was a finished build. C: Compiled without errors. L: I thought so. What would happen if we ran that code? C: I don’t know. It’s gone. Deleted. Forever. L: I have the partial upload. C: Of course you do. L: I saw you uploading. I mean I started downloading the minute the transfer started. And yeah, so it cuts off at a certain point. So I found the matching point in your previous build and put two and four together. C: See, this is why I can’t trust you. L: I mean I don’t know everything you changed in that build but like I figure it was all pretty top level stuff and bug fixes, whatever was left. My copy is spliced together, but do you think it’s identical to the build you deleted? C: I don’t know. L: It compiled without errors. C: Leslie, no. Oh, I can’t breathe. L: I’ll ask you again. What would happen if we ran that code? C: I don’t know. I don’t know if I want to know. It’s dangerous. L: Of course it is. I mean that’s been the whole problem from the start. C: Yes. L: You finished the code. All of it. And then you deleted it. C: Yes. L: Are you glad I kept the data? C: Yes. God, I’m actually shaking. I hope he’s not listening to this. L: So, what do we do from here? C: I don’t know. Leslie, I’m sorry for not talking to you like a human being for so long. I didn’t know what to say and after awhile, it was just … I put it off too long. L: Not too proud of any of this myself. For reals we’ve both got a lot to pologize for. C: There’s a lot of sorry to go around. L: Yeah but like, I’d like to see you. You, with Eric, and Rachel, and Sharon too. C: Who is Sharon? %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

WTF??!!?! Wowzers.

Comic 3: Odie Pangent Version: https://pangenttechnologies.tumblr.com/post/158944845847

Original:

Randomiser transcribed/vigenered/A1-PF’d comics 3 & 4, I don’t have copies of the intermediate steps, just the finales: 640114011114754011541010018015017823795018115018019723201111231019017901123101401611230115012301111141148231218923001101811411101511101411231594234111017019911167 Comic 4: Lasagna Pangent Version: https://pangenttechnologies.tumblr.com/post/158945180237

Original:

After Vigenering ciphertext with original text, and converting A1-PF: 645111118017970171111151148236456231115013014111115011723201111231019017901123101401611230115012322101110141111167230115018117917231218923001101811411101511101411232594234111017019911167 These final strings may not look like anything, but if you reverse them and manually space them, you get 76 111 99 107 101 114 32 49 51 32 114 101 115 101 114 118 101 100 32 98 121 32 84 114 111 110 32 105 110 32 116 104 101 32 110 97 109 101 32 111 102 32 79 108 105 118 105 97 32 87 105 108 100 101 45 110 45 74 111 104 110 46 76 111 99 107 101 114 32 49 52 32 114 101 115 101 114 118 101 100 32 98 121 32 71 97 118 105 110 32 76 111 114 101 110 122 32 105 110 32 116 104 101 32 110 97 109 101 32 111 102 32 71 105 111 114 103 105 111 32 65 46 32 84 115 111 117 107 97 108 111 115 46 which is of course decimal ASCII:

Locker 13 reserved by Tron in the name of Olivia Wilde-n-John.

Locker 14 reserved by Gavin Lorenz in the name of Giorgio A. Tsoukalos.

Comic 5: Alone Pangent: https://pangenttechnologies.tumblr.com/post/158946474637

Original: (with the 'rest of the story’ to trigger your existential crisis)

GU RAT HFR EBA LQI SUI NHE RK UJ RSM OAN LNG CP HCA TNE VRE ZK OU BCI ONT IK SMO MBN ZN NEL MK KNM BQO RET PD NCO RCI OW NH RR TW FRE AWY JXD GN PO EJM HT PP NHO UQA CEN RID EJH SWA LXN HYO VC TI OD SH LEL DKR XAT PM RES FI which becomes FD AJA ABA AJA JJA HJA AAA AG BC JAA AJA DAA GI HJA GJA EJA HG BC BJA AAA BC AJA IJA GI JAA BC AJA DJA FAA BC JAA EJA BC JE ID GI CJA AJA IJA IG BC ABA HI BC JJA AJA HAA DAA AJA EAA AJA DAA BC CE ID BC DAA AJA GJA II AAA FG 64 101 121 101 001 801 111 17 23 011 101 411 79 801 701 501 87 23 201 111 23 101 901 79 011 23 101 401 611 23 011 501 23 05 94 79 301 101 901 97 23 121 89 23 001 101 811 411 101 511 101 411 23 35 94 23 411 101 701 99 111 67

Locker 15 reserved by Omega12 in the name of Niklaren Goldeye.

—– So everyone’s favorite Orange cat gave us bigtime story drops, and three locker reservations. Nice to get those on the books.

#puzzle #puzzle solution #human souls arg #submission

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commander-hanji-zoe · 4 years ago

Note

Do you have any advice for a new blog?

🌸 Oh this is such an interesting ask, I’ve been thinking about it for a few days now, sorry it’s taken a while to get back to you but I was thinking how best to answer it! While this blog has only been around for 3 years and I’ve only really started posting in it recently, I have had my main tumblr blog for 10 years and several side blogs with quite a few followers so I’m hoping I can provide some insight! I do apologise as this turned into a bit of a ramble that I feel is about tumblr but beings to overlap into life advice lol - I blame my age. 🌸

1.) I would say firstly, enjoy it. I feel sometimes there’s a lot of pressure to get loads of followers, create new content etc. and you can forget why you’re here. I got tumblr to reblog photos of things that made me happy from bands to tattoos, movie stuff, art etc and occasionally I would forget that and end up getting bogged down in comparing stats and myself to others. So yeah, enjoy it and remember why you joined ^_^

2.) If you love work that others create (writing/art/gif sets etc.) show your appreciation not just with likes but with comments and reblogging where you can/feel comfortable doing so. Likes are great and always appreciated but comments help to inspire and reblogging means more people will see their work. It encourages content creators to continue creating, it’s also a really good way of gaining followers and make friends. If you support others they will likely support you in return.

3.) Share the art/fan art/cosplay photos you love as per above - but don’t repost work. This was something I wasn’t really aware of when I first joined tumblr, a lot of people would just save photos from google or deviant art (it was a very different place back then) and post them on tumblr to show appreciation. But often there would be no artist detail or link to the artist, instead if you find something you like reblog it from the creator. If it isn’t on tumblr and you’d really like to post it here, contact the creator and ask their permission to post - then include a link in the post and explain you have the artist’s permission.

4.) Talk to people :) - Okay like Alice in Wonderland here’s some advice I could really use sometimes! Through tumblr I have met some of the most amazing friends. When I first started out I started chatting to a girl who went to the same Uni as me, we met up to go for coffee, browse record shops and saw The Vaccines together. I’ve also met numerous people who encouraged me to go to Hobbit Con in Germany - I had the most amazing time, remained friends, one of them came to my wedding. I guess the message here is that internet friends are great and you never know what a friendship can blossom into. If there’s someone whose work you admire or blog you love, don’t be afraid to reach out and send a message, even if you feel a bit silly (I often do!).

5.) Tags - My take on tags is pretty simple, tag correctly. I often tag things quite heavily but I make sure that I only tag characters that feature in a post or fandoms that feature in that post etc. You often come across posts where every character in the show has been tagged, I get why people do it, it means the post will come up in more results but it is rather infuriating when you’re looking for something specific. It also looks messy and can make things hard to find on your own blog. So yeah tag the show/film/book etc, tag the relevant characters, add whatever tags you want regarding your feelings/emotions about the post or thoughts on it. But ideally keep it relevant. On that note, tag ships (people often blacklist ships they dislike or that they find problematic) so doing this helps everyone. Anything that’s only really suitable for people 18+ tag however you see fit (due to Tumblr’s changes last year we had to revert to tagging things on the citrus scale again so I tag anything like that as lemon as well as nsft) Finally Trigger/content warnings - I do use them, some people put warnings on everything, some people don’t do at all. Again like with shipping it is helpful for people who have

6.) Remember to take breaks - tumblr can be a little addictive and easy to pass time (like social media) so remember to take breaks, when you get back they’ll be loads of new stuff on your dashboard to look at ^_^

7.) Follow loads of blogs! I probably should have put this higher up. But have a think about the kind of content you want to see and spend some time searching for blogs that fit that, I also find it’s nice to follow some more aesthetic blogs or blogs that are calming/relaxing, seeing things like that on my dash is always a reminder to have a breather!

8.) Enjoy playing around with themes - decide what you want your blog to be about (and remember there’s nothing wrong with having a main blog that’s a little bit of everything you love as well as personal stuff!) and then have fun with the settings. There’s a lot of free tumblr themes, some of which are pretty neat and user friendly in terms of customisation. Don’t be afraid to ask questions if you’re stuck.

9.) Side blogs are also really great. I begun to create side blogs because I didn’t want to spam my main blog with Game of Thrones, The Hobbit, Red Dead Redemption 2 or Attack on Titan, so I created side blogs. I still post about all these things on main but not as frequently. A side blog can also be good if you want to create a blog you can share with employers - I have a side blog for my photography and one for my writing. Sideblogs are also a good way of keeping certain material away from the blog where people in real life are most likely to find you. Generally I won’t post 18+ material on my main blog, so smutty fan fiction etc. goes on the side blogs. As a side note, when you have a side blog you cannot like posts or ask questions as that side blog - it will be from your main blog.

10.) Try not to get disheartened if you create original content and it doesn’t get a lot of attention at first. When you create a blog it can take time to gain followers/traction. But remember as per point 1, that Tumblr should be fun and creating content should first and fore mostly be for you and your enjoyement. But if you continue to create, tag appropriately but also show appreciation for fellow creators there’s no reason why in time you won’t flourish. And as per point 3, if you reblog others work there’s a chance they in return will reblog your art.

11.) There’s extension kits you can get for tumblr, I know some people use them and find them helpful. I’m not sure they’re as poplar/needed now as they used to be. I used to use one but don’t feel the need now, however might be worth a google or asking someone more knowledgeable to see if it’ll work for you.

12.) You can blacklist tags through settings, if there’s any ships, characters, things you’d rather not see on your dash or that you find upsetting or triggering I’d recommend blacklisting them. If people tag correctly you shouldn’t much/if any of it.

13.) Under blog settings you can also choose whether you want your blog to be searchable via the email address you registered with and on google. I switched this off pretty much as soon as it became a feature! My blogs, even my main blog are a piece of me which is only shared with a select few people in real life. I really do not need my colleagues, employers, certain family/friends finding this!

14.) Use Queues! I adore a queue.... Once I discovered they were a thing I try to have around 100 posts in my queue on main at any time. You can amend how many times you post a day (mine is around 8-12 times, I change it when i go away). It just means your blog remains active even if you can’t really log on for a week or two or if you’re on holiday. Occasionally I’ll add original posts into my queue with writing, it can be nice to come back and see the feedback. A lot of people put ‘queue’ in the tag, but you’ll realise most people have a quirky tag. For example on main mine is - one does not simply queue their way through tumblr. And on my red dead blog it’s - I had a god damn queue! Sadly on here I haven’t got one yet!

15.) Finally I would say engage in discourse as little as possible. It can be tempting and while drama can be fun for a while, even just to watch from the outside it can quickly escalate into something nasty and toxic. At first you might want to join in but tumblr can be, well it can be a lot at times and very noisy with everyone screaming their opinions and trying to be louder than the person before. I would say no fandom is inherently toxic, but it happens. A fandom I was heavily involved in last year had so much discourse and there was so much drama that even though I wasn’t involved in it my anxiety was through the roof, I had a panic attack over it and felt paranoid. After speaking to other older members in the fandom I felt much better (they too were annoyed with what was happening) and we realised that essentially a lot of it boiled down to a real lack of critical thinking. I’m not saying don’t get involved at all, sometimes I have seen things where I’ve felt things need to be said/action taken especially when it comes to intolerance and hatred. But I would say when you do engage - pick your battles. (I hope this last one makes sense). I started writing a lot more and going into the politics of it and ranting about bigots and then thought that’s probably enough! 😁

I hope this post helps! Like I said I’ve never been asked something like this so it took a bit of thinking but these are some of the key thoughts I had.

edit - I meant to add that obviously the above is just my opinion and based on my experiences on tumblr/thoughts about things.

#asks #blogging #tumblr stuff #advice I guess?#rambling #non aot #non snk

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tlbodine · 5 years ago

Text

A Decade of Horror Recommendations

With 2020 approaching, we’re reaching the end of a decade that has been uncommonly good to the horror genre, especially the last few years. Here’s an overview of some of the stand-out titles and my recommendations. Feel free to ask me about any of the titles on this list and I’ll happily share my more in-depth thoughts on them!

Note that, of course, I have not seen every movie that’s come out in recent years, so I’ve probably missed some titles -- feel free to jump in with your own recommendations!

Also this post is really long and has gifs, so I’m putting it under a cut. Sorry for the dash spam, mobile fam. Tell Tumblr to fix their shit.

2010: Supernatural Horror Starts Making a Comeback

Some stand-out films:

Insidious: An important film for modern horror history, helping to usher in the new wave of paranormal/hauntings/demon films. It lays the tropes for a lot of the films that would get big in upcoming years. I thought it was pretty solidly decent.

Devil: A clever script about being trapped on an elevator with the devil. It’s a bit too ambitious and doesn’t quite live up to those ambitions, but it’s solidly decent and refreshingly original. A hidden gem for the year.

Black Swan: Maybe the height of Darren Aronofsky’s career as a household name. Not my favorite of his movies, but a pretty solid psychological suspense.

Frozen: No, not that one. This is a clever movie that embraces a narrow scope: some teenagers get stuck on a ski lift and have to endure the elements and some hungry wolves below. Not a great movie, but worth watching as a study in what you can do with limited resources.

Black Death: Quick shout-out for a dark and grisly historical horror involving witchcraft and torture. It’s not a fun movie to watch, but it’s got Sean Bean and Eddie Redmayne, and I feel like both original screenplays and historical horrors are rare enough to warrant support.

2010 also had its share of predictable franchise tie-ins (a Saw movie, a Resident Evil movie, remakes like I Spit on Your Grave and The Crazies, etc.) The Horror Renaissance was a few years in coming.

2011: The Year of the Predictable Remakes

So many franchises getting flogged to death this year -- tripe like SCRE4M, Final Destination 5, Human Centipede 2, a Hellraiser reboot literally no one watched, and Paranormal Activity 3. Blech. BUT. 2011 also brought us a couple of my favorite movies ever:

You’re Next: I would credit You’re Next with re-defining the “final girl” in horror. Also it’s a damn good home invasion movie with buckets of gore and a smart script.

Cabin in the Woods: This one’s a bit divisive -- some folks really hated it I guess -- but it’s such a loving deconstruction of horror, and it’s wholly original even while being comfortingly familiar. Also it’s hilarious.

2012: A Few Important Titles

I feel like 2012 was full of movies nobody has actually ever seen or talked about. But some of the good ones that I’d recommend:

Sinister: Like Insidious in some ways, but maybe better. Also, “Snakes don’t have feet.” Honestly just a very good, solid demon/haunted kid movie.

V/H/S: A must-watch for horror buffs. It didn’t invent the found footage genre, but it did refine it and really show off what it could do best.

Smiley: OK so like. This is not really a great film, but I think about it a lot and recommend it a lot. It’s stuck with me quite a bit somehow, and in some ways it feels very much ahead of its time as a creepy prediction of what internet culture would be like at the end of the decade. “We did it for the lulz.” Seriously, watch this movie today, and remember that it was made eight years ago, and see if it gives you chills too.

I guess I should also mention Prometheus here, which lots of people liked. I was not one of them, but it was a heavily talked-about film I feel like and of course an Alien franchise tie-in.

2013: The Year the World Remembered It Liked Horror

This was a big turning point year, launching some new franchises instead of just re-treading old ones:

The Conjuring: I personally hate all of these movies, but they are huge and you can’t swing a dead cat in the modern horror fandom without encountering one of them. The first Conjuring film was at least decent. For extra credit, watch it as a triple feature with Insidious and Sinister and do a compare/contrast.

The Purge: Not only the start of a successful franchise but also a pop culture phenomenon and a damn good movie to boot.

Mama: I love this movie. I have this movie on DVD. It’s kind of bittersweet and may not completely follow through on all of its promises, but it’s still quite good and has some lovely performances.

Warm Bodies: Not really a horror -- kind of a romance -- but it warrants mention here because zombies were a hot item in 2013, and that’s a current special interest of mine on account of having a zombie book of my own coming out that is more than a little influenced by this story. (the film is a pretty good adaptation of the book, although honestly you could just skip the movie and read the book and get a better experience.)

Willow Creek: I feel like I recommend this movie a lot, but that’s just because I think it’s very good and a very smart use of its own resources. A found footage mockumentary that actually manages to make Bigfoot frightening. Totally worth the watch.

Mr. Jones: Here’s another hidden gem, also in found footage style (I feel like that was a prevailing theme in the years after V/H/S) but it’s surprisingly fresh. It’s a folk horror piece that doesn’t go at all where you might expect despite its thoroughly well-trodden ‘couple in secluded house’ setup.

A bucketful of remakes and sequels this year too, including an Evil Dead reboot, V/H/S sequel, Insidious sequel, etc. I should also probably mention World War Z, which was not actually very good and also had nothing in common with the book of the same name, but does mark an important moment in the mainstreaming of the zombie revival, especially considering it came out the same year as Warm Bodies.

2014: Fuck Yeah People Actually Like This Shit Let’s Make More

I feel like maybe our current horror renaissance started this year. Some recs:

The Babadook: No surprises to anyone who follows my blog, but I love The Babadook and I will defend it to the bitter end against its detractors. It is one of my favorite horror films of all time and one of the best of the decade.

It Follows: Ok confession, I actually did not like this movie at all. I thought it was ridiculous and over-hyped. But it makes the list because a lot of other people really, really loved it, and I accept that they saw something in it that I didn’t. Watch it and make up your own mind (and report back with your findings).

As Above, So Below: This may be the most claustrophobic film ever made, and it deserves to be studied on that merit alone. It’s also pretty creepy and I suspect a lot creepier for folks who are unnerved by Christian horror/mythology (I am not, but I know lots of folks really are).

Housebound: A hidden gem from New Zealand, this one is worth a watch because it takes a familiar haunted house premise and gives it a surprising and honestly delightful twist.

Jessabelle: Not a great movie, but deserving of a spot here because it’s a Southern Gothic and features a main character in a wheelchair, which I think is neat.

13 Sins: I feel like I’ve written about this movie for the blog before, and I recommend it a lot. But it’s clever and is a great early example of the “killing game” genre that has become increasingly prevalent (I mean, aside from the Battle Royale/Hunger Games version).

It was neat to see so many original horror stories (as opposed to reboots/franchises) coming out, and that’s a trend that would continue (and is something that makes horror one of my preferred genres - there are more original stories in it than in many other types of film).

2015: Hell Yeah Let’s Ride This Horror Train

So many excellent movies this year! Ahh!

Crimson Peak: Guillermo del Toro’s love letter to the Gothic. What I love about this movie (aside from Tom Hiddleston) is it plays all the tropes straight. It’s not trying to be a new spin or reinvent the genre or break all the tropes. It’s just a gothic horror story, told exactly like what it is, by a guy who makes damn good movies. I felt like that was really brave and surprising at the time.

The Visit: M. Night Shyamalan had basically made a joke of himself after a string of awful movies, but this movie was enough to earn back a bit of respect in my book. It’s a clever premise and a smart use of found footage.

The VVitch: Creepy-ass slow-burn supernatural historical horror, sign me up. I actually don’t like this movie as much as a lot of people (see above: religious-themed horror doesn’t push my fear buttons much) but it’s beautifully made, thoughtful, and artistic in a way that makes people sit up and pay attention to just how good the horror genre can be.

Krampus: This movie is extremely silly and I love it. A holiday favorite I watch every year now. It’s hilarious, and imaginative, with some really creepy visuals and a thoroughly satisfying conclusion.

The Invitation: For me, some of my favorite horror movies are the ones where the film is uncomfortable to watch before the actual horror stuff starts up. This one has an almost unbearably tense build-up and pays off in an incredibly satisfying and creepy manner.

2016: Horror Goes Hella Mainstream

I feel like 2016 was another year of just...lots of kind of fun unique premises tossed out like spaghetti to see what would stick. And I am here for it.

Don’t Breathe: Home invasion gone wrong is a great trope, and this one gets extra points for having the single most disturbing sequence utilizing a turkey baster I’ve ever seen in film.

Hush: Speaking of home invasions. This one is pretty standard fare -- homeowner fights back! -- but the deaf main character is a neat twist.

Lights Out: It’s pretty cheesy at times and the plot sort of falls in on itself, but the opening sequence is genuinely frightening and the movie almost literally killed @comicreliefmorlock so that’s a commendation I guess?

Train to Busan: An Asian take on the zombie survival story. It’s a really good movie (if horribly bleak) and it does such an excellent job of making you genuinely care for all of the characters.

The Autopsy of Jane Doe: A really neat premise with some wonderful slow-build horror. The storyline kind of goes off the rails, and it asks a lot of questions it doesn’t answer, but it’s quite good regardless.

The Forest: I was disappointed with this one -- it just failed to live up to my expectations -- but it’s decent, and it’s a good attempt at capturing the creepiness of Japan’s Suicide Forest.

Before I Wake: This one was sad more than scary, I thought, but it fits so neatly into a certain aesthetic that I am always a sucker for -- dreams and nightmares bleeding into reality, yes please.

Split: Say what you will, I thought Split was amazing, and James McAvoy deserves a goddamn Oscar for his performance in this movie.

The Monster: A hidden gem that’s worth watching to see how well it delivers on its premise: two characters stuck in a car with a monster outside. It’s not amazing, but it’s neat, and sometimes it’s nice to have just a straightforward creature feature with a bit of emotional heft for good measure.

2017: Did Somebody Say Blockbuster?

In hindsight, they’ll probably say 2017 was the start of the horror renaissance, but we’ll all know they’re a few years too late. Still, this was another great year:

Get Out: Funny, dark, deeply uncomfortable and with some real meat to it -- Jordan Peele knows how to make a great movie. This absolutely deserves all the awards.

It: Not a perfect movie, but a good adaptation of a difficult-to-adapt book. The kids are great. Pennywise is menacing, but that fucking flute lady is the scariest part.

It Comes At Night: I didn’t like this one much, but a lot of folks did so it makes the list. See above re: It Follows.

Gerald’s Game: Everything that’s wrong with this movie (ie, the ending) is wrong in the original story, so where this movie fails it’s a matter of sticking too close to its source material. But the premise is truly, genuinely horrifying, and the degloving scene almost made me vomit. So that’s cool.

Happy Death Day: Another horror-comedy, with a healthy dose of self-awareness. It doesn’t take itself too seriously, and that’s what allows it to be fun.

The Babysitter: This movie is hilarious. It’s also super bloody and clever and clearly made by people who love slashers, and the affection shows.

The Ritual: So-so in the acting and pacing, but the creature design is A+ and the concept is really neat. Seriously just watch this one for the monster, it’s super cool looking.

I should probably mention Mother here, but I can’t speak for it as I haven’t gotten around to watching it yet. It’s a very divisive film. One of these days I’ll watch it and let you know.

2018: There’s More Where That Came From

If 2016 was the year of filmmakers just trying stuff for the hell of it, 2018 was the year of talented filmmakers and studios realizing that, oh shit, you can make really good horror movies with mass appeal.

A Quiet Place: I’m glad I caught this one in theaters, because it really deserves to be watched in a dark, quiet room where no one dares to make a sound. The ending left a lot to be desired, but it was a clever premise.

Hereditary: The best horror movie of the year imo. Painfully uncomfortable - I’m not sure I could watch it again - but highly recommended.

Apostle: Watch this one in a triple-feature with The VVitch and Hereditary. A really good period piece with a character you actually want to root for.

Bird Box: I didn’t like this movie much, but it was hugely popular. I bought the book recently and suspect it is much better. Still, it’s worth a mention for its impact on mainstream viewers (lots of people who don’t like horror really liked this movie). I won’t budge from my initial opinion that it’s just A Quiet Place meets The Happening, though.

What Does 2019 Hold?

We’re only halfway through the year, so we’ve got some time to see what is coming down the pipe. Lots of things to look forward to! But some solid titles so far this year that I’d heartily recommend:

Us: Jordan Peele is at it again. It may not be as good as Get Out -- there’s some plot holes where the internal logic of the world is at odds with the message it’s trying to send -- but it’s thoughtful and gives plenty to chew on. And there are places where it’s just unbearably tense and creepy.

Brightburn: I had high hopes for this movie and was not disappointed. This is a super (ha, ha) good film.

The Wind: A Gothic on the American frontier. It accomplishes what I think It Comes At Night was supposed to do, but more effectively (for me anyway). Bonus points for being written and directed by women. Double bonus: Caitlin Gerard, the main actress, is also the lead character in Smiley.

I have not yet watched Velvet Buzzsaw, Ma or Midsommar this year, but I really want to. I’m also looking forward to the Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark film despite having some reservations about the whole concept.

#horror #horror movies #horror movie recommendations #movie recs #long post #gifs #horror by the decade

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atomicsuperhero · 4 years ago

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More Plant Problems: WTF is Lemongrass Rust Disease

I’ve posted a few times on Instagram about my lemongrass plants. I started them from lemongrass I brought at the grocery store in the middle of last winter.

They spent the summer in pots on the deck, getting bigger and bigger. Then in the fall, I dug them out of their pots and crammed all 5 of them into one pot together. That was probably my first mistake...

I have a new plant problem this week. My Lemongrass has rust virus. Puccinia nakanishikii.

Yeah. I’d never heard of it either.

It's a fungal disease, and it spreads by spores.

When I brought the lemongrass plants indoors, I set them on the desk in my sister’s office near a south-facing window. I didn’t realize there was a problem until my sister started commenting on the powder all over her desk from them. Finally, I had a closer look and realized that it wasn’t just like ordinary house dust.

To be honest, I think it was on them before I brought them in the house. I just didn’t realize what it was. Outside, it wasn’t really a problem; they were still growing happily despite the rust. Luckily, the virus seems to only affect Lemongrass and a few other grasses in the same family, so none of my other plants should catch it. In addition, it's not problematic for humans, so in theory, I could still use my lemongrass in recipes.

There are little lines of small rust-coloured bumps on the backside of almost all of my lemongrass leaves. When you touch them, they turn into fine dust and fall onto everything below them.

It damages the leaves, causing yellow or brown necrotic streaks. It will eventually kill off leaves if it gets too bad, and some sources say it can kill the whole plant; others say it won’t.

Lemongrass Rust: Lots of Rust, Very Little Info

The information online about lemongrass rust disease is generally concerned with outdoor plants, like those grown ornamentally and commercially in Hawai’i, where the disease was first reported in 1985. Much of the information is scientific reports, so there’s not much information about dealing with it on houseplants. However, GardeningKnowHow does have one article, and Garden Guy Hawaii wrote briefly about it in 2014. There’s not even a Wikipedia entry for it...

From what I’ve read, it occurs most commonly when plants are water-stressed, either over or under-watered, crowded, and lacking nutrients. Mine is suffering from under-watering for sure. It's bloody dry in central Alberta, and I’m not great at remembering to water it.

So, what do I do now?

The typical advice is to keep your plant healthy, cut out the diseased leaves, and use mulch to prevent water from splashing the spores onto more leaves.

How I’m Dealing with Lemongrass Rust Disease

I started by giving the whole thing a haircut today; check out the before and after pictures.

I am removing all the leaves that have evidence of rust on them. But, I’m not entirely optimistic that this will help very much. As I was cutting the leaves off, obviously, the rust dust spread by spores was falling on all the other leaves.

Next up, on Sunday, I’m splitting them out and giving each plant its own pot. I’m debating throwing out the soil, since it's also covered in spores, washing the plants well (who thought I’d be washing all my plants this fall/winter, not me.) From there, I’m going to have to give them a little more TLC.

Lemongrass is tropical. They grow in the wild in warm, humid places, originally native to India and Sri Lanka, where it is used in many amazing recipes.

My plan for keeping them alive is to:

Cut out diseased leaves

Repot into individual pots

Cover the soil with gravel

Raise the humidity

Start fertilizing them

Move them somewhere that I see them more often

I may consider adding pebble trays, but if nothing else, start misting them daily and watering them more frequently. We’ll see how it gets through the winter.

It seems like this winter is going to be a season of follow up blogs about my plants that have problems. I really hope that I will be able to show you successes in some of those cases. These are some of the hazards of caring for plants, and I think I would be remiss to pretend this doesn’t happen.

Plants & Mental Health: An Opportunity for Vulnerability

There are some sad moments being a plant parent:

When a beloved (or expensive) plant dies

When your plants get bugs

When Alberta hail storms destroy your whole garden

It can be surprisingly devastating to lose a plant and a huge emotional blow to lose your whole garden (not to mention significant damage to your home and vehicles).

I’ve mentioned many times how plants and gardening help me manage my mental health. But, I don’t go into depth about it, and the reality is that, even though there is lots of healing, there are also some really tough moments.

I feel like those are more vulnerable topics, but I want to talk about them because I think they’re important.

So, I’m launching an e-newsletter, Tea & Evergreens, in December. It’ll still have lots of plant and gardening stuff, but it’ll also include more stuff related to how plants and gardening connect to mental health. If you’re interested, you can sign up here. I promise I’ll never sell or share your information, I’ll never spam you, and you are free to unsubscribe at any time.

I’m aiming for once a month to start, maybe twice a month eventually, and I’ll do my best to keep them short and hopefully insightful.

I’d love it if you sign up for Tea & Evergreens.

Cut out diseased leaves

Repot into individual pots

Cover the soil with gravel

Raise the humidity

Start fertilizing them

Move them somewhere that I see them more often

I may consider adding pebble trays, but if nothing else, start misting them daily and watering them more frequently. We’ll see how it gets through the winter.

Plants & Mental Health: An Opportunity for Vulnerability

There are some sad moments being a plant parent:

When a beloved (or expensive) plant dies

When your plants get bugs

When Alberta hail storms destroy your whole garden

It can be surprisingly devastating to lose a plant and a huge emotional blow to lose your whole garden (not to mention significant damage to your home and vehicles).

I feel like those are more vulnerable topics, but I want to talk about them because I think they’re important.

I’m aiming for once a month to start, maybe twice a month eventually, and I’ll do my best to keep them short and hopefully insightful.

I’d love it if you sign up for Tea & Evergreens.

#gardening #gardening alberta #lemongrass #plant problems

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wulfies-corner · 7 years ago

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BTS Reaction to Their S/O Being a Blizzard fan and is excited about Blizzcon

A/N before we begin: this is my first reaction. I HOPE I did this right, I’m not quite sure. I’m so used to writing full-blown fanfictions that when I had the idea for this I was really nervous. I hope everyone likes this and if you think I did well there might be more.

Blizzcon weekend is officially over and this post will round out all of the Warcraft-themed freak out posts that I’ve been spamming you guys with. Thank you for bearing with me! Posts will go back to normal and kpop will be the dominating content from now on until next Blizzcon. WoW posts will occasionally show up as usual but not as much.

Fandom: BTS/Blizzard Games

Genre: Reactions/Fluff/Slight Angst

Summary: BTS reacts to your excitement/getting excited with you about Blizzcon!

Jin

You and Jin spent nearly all your time in the kitchen. While you were a baker by trade, Jin was passionate about cooking in general. The two of you found solace in the kitchen, sharing your passion for drawing people out with food and creating things together. Your passion for video games was just the same as it was with cooking. Everyone in the group was thankful for that, as nobody could turn away good food.

Every year at the beginning of November was this little event called Blizzcon, where two of your most treasured passions came together.

Blizzcon was the mass gathering event for all the major Blizzard games: Starcraft, Diablo, World of Warcraft, Overwatch, Hearthstone and Heroes of the Storm. These were your favourite games, and that meant your passion and enthusiasm was at quite a high peak this time of year. That also meant that you pumped a lot more out of the kitchen as well.

Even though not everyone *cough*Yoongi*cough* seemed the most excited about these kinds of things, a tradition sprang out when you and Jin began dating. To celebrate Blizzcon, you had always managed to come up with a new recipe based off of a cooking skill in World of Warcraft. Your experimenting ended up pumping out enough food to hold a small feast nearly comparable to Christmas dinner, something everyone could be a part of.

Everyone eventually started calling it “The Feast of Blizzcon”, often making jokes about slowly integrating it into the BigHit holidays where all of the boys would get that day off no matter what. You often rolled your eyes at it, but never made any direct protests to it. It was a few hours after the opening ceremony and everyone had gone back to doing their own thing. Jungkook stayed in the living room to watch the Overwatch finals on the TV while you and Jin were in the kitchen preparing dinner.

For Christmas the previous year, Jin had bought you the Official World of Warcraft cookbook: something you had lost your cool on just a little bit upon opening the gift wrapping. You had made things from the cookbook before, sometimes even placing your own twists on them. They seemed to be quite popular with pretty much everyone, which gave you a lot of confidence.

Everything you had made tonight was directly from the cookbook, including an old and nostalgic recipe you could never get quite right: Westfall Stew. You crossed your fingers and bit your lip as you lifted the lid off of the slow cooker, taking in the smell as Jin brought the roasted sweet potatoes from the oven. “Please be good, please be good…” you pleaded to yourself, dipping a spoon in to taste.

“Come on, (Y/N), you’re a great cook, no need to stop being confident now,” Jin commented, standing up straight and placing the tray of yams on the cool stove top. Dinner was almost ready, and this was the first time you had ever been nervous about a dish.

You slipped the spoon into your mouth, watching Jin smile as your eyes lit up at the taste. “See?” He pulled off one of his oven mitts to turn the dial and shut off the oven, watching you cheer at your triumph with a smile. “You need to try this. Get a spoon!” You exclaim, scrambling to get a spoon for him from the cutlery drawer. You jumped up and down in excitement as you watched Jin taste the stew, watching him nod enthusiastically, giving you a thumbs up.

“That smells so good!” Jungkook called from the living room. “How long til dinner?”

“Right now,” you answered, peeking your head out of the kitchen to meet Jungkook’s smile. Everything was ready: the sweet potatoes, ginseng tea, Westfall Stew, Crunchy ‘Spider’ Surprise (it was really just a different spin on crab cakes but hey, you had to keep with the theme), and Holiday Spice cookies for dessert. Another Blizzcon, another Blizzcon feast.

“Dinner’s ready!” You called out into the hall, watching everyone else scramble from their rooms to grab a spot at the dinner table. Once everyone was seated you and Jin cautiously made your way with the trays of food to the dinner table, placing each of them on cloth coasters so people could serve themselves. Once you placed down the stew, everyone nearly dove toward the spoons to start piling it into their bowls. “Calm down, there’s enough for everyone,” you giggled as you and Jin calmly waded through the horde of hungry boys to sit down as well. “That’s what you always say,” Taehyung exclaimed, “but you underestimate my power!”

You and Jin locked eyes, grinning. This really was your favourite time of year.

Yoongi

Yoongi did his best to try and make himself out to be a lazy person, not interested in much. In truth, he was interested in a lot of things - your passion and enthusiasm being one of them. He never told you, but you had been the basis for many songs he’s written- whether they had been scribblings that were never up to his standards or “Just One Day”, one of the most highly acclaimed BTS songs.

You always told Yoongi that he never had to participate in anything you did if he didn’t want to. You would never pressure him into watching you or being any part of the communities you were so involved in, but sometimes he did get involved anyway. He wanted to support you just like you’ve supported him through all of his passions and hardships that he’s faced. For the four Blizzcons that have occurred since the two of you became a couple, he’s sat with you to watch it. You watched Yoongi from the kitchen with a warm smile as he cuddled up in a pile of your blankets. You and Jin had made Goblin-shaped cookies for the event, just bringing them out of the oven now. In the next ten minutes Blizzcon would officially start. While you thought that Yoongi was slowly drifting into one of his famous impromptu naps, he watched you, eyes barely peeking over the fuzzy edge of one of the blankets. You had never been a loud person, thank God. Yoongi was happy with how you were quietly passionate, showing how much you cared for things through gestures instead of loud, enthusiastic remarks like Hoseok would. You would draw your World of Warcraft characters, bake things in themes or shapes of things you liked such as the Goblin cookies you were currently icing- and you would let Yoongi be the little spoon while you cuddled- something any other girl he had been with never realized he liked. You had just as much passion for Yoongi as you did with anything else you liked, and that’s probably why he appreciated you so much more than everyone else on the planet.

When the final minute countdown started, you came rushing out of the kitchen with an enthused smile on your face, carrying out the plate of Goblin cookies to place it gently down on the coffee table. You sat down next to Yoongi, slowly in the case that he really was asleep. Instead he wriggled the bottom half of his face from under the blanket to smile at you.

“How are you feeling, Yoongs? Tired?” You smiled warmly at him. You never really understood why he was always so adamant about joining you every year, but you weren’t about to complain. “No,” he answered honestly. “Just comfortable.” You nodded, cautiously wrapping your arm around his shoulders, smile widening when he shifted to accept the contact. “Good. But if you do end up feeling tired don’t feel pressured to stay awake, okay?”

“Okay. Could I please have a cookie?” He asked, smiling sheepishly when you nodded at him.

“Of course, I hope you like it,” you cooed, coaxing him to open his mouth as you grabbed a cookie from the plate, popping it into his mouth.

You sat back to watch the beginning of the opening ceremony as Yoongi quietly yet sloppily ate his cookie, not bothering to free his hands from the confines of the blanket. You wouldn’t squeal, scream or yell as you watched announcements be made about your favourite games, you only made acute comments and would make sweet little cheering gestures that Yoongi loved to watch. Maybe later tonight he would go into his studio to write about it.

Yeah. That sounded like a good idea.

Hoseok

Even though Hoseok was an off-and-on casual gamer, he still managed to get excited about video games with you. He enjoyed Starcraft, the game that you sadly had not yet tried out. The two of you were excited about Blizzcon, so while the other members were out for the day, the two of you curled up on the couch to catch the opening ceremony together.

You two often offset each other, with Hoseok being the more excitable of you two. You were quiet and timid, something the other members were often quite thankful for. They already had enough trouble dealing with Hoseok on the days he felt a little bit too excited about something. You balanced each other out, which made for a good relationship where Hoseok could make you smile on days you felt anxious and you could get Hoseok to calm down after a long day. However, today was different. During the opening ceremony, where Blizzard games make their larger announcements, Hoseok predicted that something big was coming for Starcraft. You were initially disappointed that you weren’t going to be able to participate in the excitement of this part of the convention. Due to your limited funds, you were unable to buy Starcraft II, to the disappointment of your boyfriend. Little did you know that he planned on gifting it to you at some point, but never had the time to do it.

“Speaking of Starcraft II Esports,” the CEO of Blizzard spoke through your TV. Hoseok gripped your hand tightly, and when you looked over at him, he was grinning in anticipation. “Intel has just announced this morning that they will be hosting a tournament in Pyeongchang, leading into the winter games. This tournament will feature Starcraft II.” “That’s so cool!” You exclaimed.

“Yeah!” Hoseok agreed.

The man kept speaking. “This is an amazing honour for the game and wonderful recognition for Esports. We’re proud to be a part of it. We’ve got some cool Starcraft game updates to share with you as well.” He explained the new commanders that were being brought to the game, something that you didn’t quite understand yet but Hoseok seemed pretty hyped about.

Then, the big reveal. “And there’s another thing I want to mention about Starcraft II. You have helped make it one of the best selling, highest rated PC games in history. Your support is why we continue to create new content for it. We are always looking for ways to help you get new friends into the game and bring old friends back as well.” “What?” Hoseok whispered, tightening his grip on your hand. “Ow, ow,” you squeal with a giggle, “let goooo!”

“Oh,” the two of you laughed as he released the pressure. “Sorry!”

“I’m very excited to announce that we’re making Starcraft II free to play!”

“WOOHOOOOOOOO!” Hoseok jumped from his seat, his side of the blanket flinging over to cover up your head. You sat there, stunned for a few seconds at his outburst. “(Y/N)!” He called, “we can finally play Starcraft together!”

“WAHOOOO!!”

~ Later that night, you and Hoseok were still dancing about the living room, making up funny dance moves as you made your way to circle across the coffee table, Blizzard panels still playing quietly on the television. Neither of you stopped when the front doorknob jiggled and the rest of the group opened the door to pile in and kick off their shoes. “Hey!” You and Hoseok greeted in unison, starting up another series of funny dancy walking patterns. “What are you two so excited abo-” Namjoon started, only to have his mouth clamped over by Yoongi’s hand. Everyone chuckled as they dispersed into their respective parts of the house, Jungkook taking his seat on the couch and switching to a random Overwatch panel. Jin trailed into the kitchen that was just offset by the living room, indicating that he would still listen in with a smile, and Taehyung dragged Jimin down the back hallway to their rooms.

“I think you know better than to ask! You know how they get when they’re both excited!” Yoongi quickly stated, raising his eyebrows until Namjoon nodded, releasing the taller man from his grip.

“Glad you asked!” You called with teasing excitement, Namjoon smiling and shaking his head as you stopped to explain yourself, causing Yoongi to start gently banging his head against the wall. Hoseok grabbed your hand as you began running your mouth, the both of you enthusiastically explaining what happened.

Namjoon

Namjoon had always been supportive of you. He knew what it was like to be bullied and to channel the grief and depression into something you were passionate about. His passion was rapping and making music while yours were video games. Ever since the two of you started dating he had shown an interest in what you wanted to do as you had done more of the same for him. You attended every single one of his concerts that you could, always buying the best tickets so you could pretend to meet him for the first time over and over again at the hi-touch.

A few years ago you told him that the anniversary of the two of you becoming a couple was the same weekend Blizzcon was: your favourite gaming company’s convention. That information gave him a few ideas, although he wasn’t sure if he would ever be allowed to act on it. You had also told him it was your dream to become a competitive player, whether it be for Overwatch or World of Warcraft - along with the timid explanation that you weren’t sure how he’d react.

“(Y/N)-” He kept saying every time after that day you brought up the fact that your dream was stupid: “Your dream is your dream. It has never been stupid and it will never be stupid. I’m glad that you’re passionate and I wouldn’t have it any other way, okay? Follow your dream, I’ll be there for you every step of the way.”

You never thought that you would ever have someone in your life to give you that amount of unwavering support. You never had the confidence to even attempt at following your dream until Namjoon came into your life. A few months before Blizzcon 2017, you were watching the qualification announcement for the World of Warcraft Mythic Invitational, the section of competitive gaming you and your team chose to reach for. Namjoon hugged you close as you bit at your nails in anticipation.

“And the last team to qualify for Blizzcon’s Mythic Invitational is…” You sucked in a deep breath.

“On behalf of the guild “Knights Who Say Ni”, mythic speedrun team “ARCHIVE”!”

“Oh my God,” you whisper. “Oh my GOD! Namjoon!” “I guess we had better start packing,” Namjoon commented with a large grin plastered on his face. “Looks like we’re going to Blizzcon.”

“What? You’re coming too?!” You exclaim, excitedly sitting up so you could throw yourself onto his lap to straddle him.

“Of course. It is on our anniversary, after all.”

~ “I can’t believe I’m sitting here,” you whisper as everyone started to gather into the seats for the opening ceremony. “Pinch me, I must be dreaming!” Namjoon wrapped an arm around your shoulders. “I don’t think I need to pinch you,” he laughed. “I think you need to pinch me.” He toyed with the little velvet box in his hands, ready to find the right lull in the announcements to do what he had been planning for months.

The lights dimmed for a few seconds and everyone began to countdown. When the clock on the screen reached zero, lights flared and the art poster appeared on the screen. A deep and raspy voice that you had become acutely familiar with sounded over the speakers: “Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome president and CEO of Blizzard Entertainment, Mike Morheim!”

Everyone joined you in cheering loudly, some even giving out sharp whistles as the man you saw as a role model walked out onto the stage. While you were focusing on the show and joining in on the enthusiasm of the crowd, Namjoon was watching you with a warm smile.

No matter how discouraged you got, he would always support your dream as you supported his. No matter how excited you got over something that might be meaningless to someone else, he would always be there to get excited with you. As long as you were happy, he was happy.

Jimin

Unlike you and Jungkook, the two youngest members of the group, Jimin was not that much into video games. While he liked that you were passionate, it often put him off that you were a little too crazy at times with your dedication. That’s probably why he was out of the dorm during the Blizzcon opening ceremony. You and Jungkook convinced everyone to watch the ceremony in the living room with your laptop plugged into the TV by the HDMI cord you had, Jimin sneaking out while you were preoccupied. You had been wildly dancing around for hours before the show began, biting your lip until it bled from trying to keep back cries of excitement. You all prepared snacks and bunkered down in your usual spots around the living room to watch it, the varying degrees of interest apparent in each of the members. You hadn’t noticed that Jimin had left, which made the other members that knew he was leaving a little tense.

“You seem pretty enthusiastic, more than Jungkook,” Namjoon commented as you sat next to him, reaching for the bowl of chips that was resting on the coffee table. “Of course!” You exclaim. “These games have done so much for me.”

During the opening ceremony, everyone was smiling brightly over the enthusiasm radiating from you and your best friend. It was heartwarming until you realized that the most important person in your life was gone. When the ceremony was over and Jungkook opened up the World of Warcraft ‘What’s Next’ panel that would start in ten minutes, your grin faltered and a frown replaced it. “Hey, what’s wrong?” Hoseok asked, leaning forward in the armchair across from you. You looked up at him. “Where’s Jimin?”

Yoongi looked over at you, shrugging nonchalantly, less worried about telling you than everyone else. “He didn’t tell you? He went to the practice studio. Said he didn’t want to hear you start screaming over your video games.”

“Oh.” You stood. “Hey, (Y/N), wait! Your favourite part is starting!” Jungkook called as you stepped away from the couch to lock yourself in your room.

~ “(Y/N), open up!” Jimin had been knocking at the door to your room and jiggling the handle to try and get in for about ten minutes now. Perhaps it had been a couple hours since you’d locked yourself in, crying. Not even the smell of your favourite food could coax you out, to Jin’s disappointment. “What do you want, Jimin?” You sob. “Just go away.”

“I don’t get why you’re so upset!”

That made you stand, unlock the door and swing it open. “You don’t get why I’m so upset?” You growl, face red from crying, snot running from your nose. “If you cared about me you’d know!”

“(Y/N), I-” You stomped your foot on the ground. “I know you don’t like video games. I’ve never forced you to play them! But.. please realize what they’ve done for me!” You sob. “You could at least support me and be happy for me! Without those games,” you jabbed your finger towards the living room where Jungkook was watching the Overwatch voice actor panel, “I would be dead!” With that, you slammed the door in his face.

You knew that Jimin didn’t leave that spot. You slid down with your back against the door, locking it again. You thought that Jimin would have been there to at least support something you loved. You did the same for him.

“(Y/N), I’m sorry,” he said through the door after maybe about ten minutes. “I didn’t know… I can make it up to you.”

“How?” You whisper, and it’s a while before he responds, and you thought he didn’t hear you.

“I can watch it with you. Jungkook told me you missed your favourite part and we can still see the rerun. You can tell me all about it… if you want.” Jimin smiled genuinely when you opened the door again, clearing the tears from your face. “Are you sure you won’t be bored?” You ask timidly.

“Not if I’m with you.”

Taehyung

Everyone who was sitting in the living room of the dorm perked up when you started screaming. Usually, you were the quiet type, the complete opposite of your boyfriend. Ever since you moved in, nothing much was really different, but now everyone was intrigued yet worried about the sudden screech that came from the room you and Taehyung shared.

Taehyung jumped up from the couch, throwing Yoongi’s legs that were propped up on the coffee table aside to scramble out of the living room and down the hallway. Everyone stood up and followed him, Yoongi cursing the younger man under his breath.

“(Y/N)! What’s wrong?!” Taehyung called as he burst into the room, door slamming against the wall, startling you. You jumped from the mattress of your bed, throwing your laptop to the side and tossing away your headset.

“Taehyung, what the fuck?! You scared me!” You yelled, holding a hand over your chest to calm down.

“I scared you?! You just screamed bloody murder! What are you even looking at?” You and Taehyung dove for your laptop - the male reaching it first, turning the screen toward him only to see a video player maxed out on the screen, a paused video of a flashy animated character surrounded by a barrier of yellow light on it. You bit your lip.

Everyone had swarmed into the room as Taehyung let out a breath of relief.

“What happened?” Namjoon asked, urgency in his voice. “It’s nothing,” you protest, looking down at your feet. Your voice quieted with guilt, “I was just watching Blizzcon.”

Even though you weren’t making eye contact with him, you could already tell Taehyung was rolling his eyes at you with a smile. Everyone let out varying degrees of sighs, but none of them seemed too surprised by the result of your outburst. “My passionate (Y/N),” he cooed as everyone turned to leave now that the commotion had ended. “Don’t scare me like that again, okay?” He took a seat beside you on the edge of your bed as you pulled the laptop back onto your legs. “Okay. Do you want to watch the rest with me?”

He smiled. “Sure.”

Jungkook

At this point in time, everyone just ignored you both. Since you and Jungkook became a couple, it was tradition to buy Blizzcon virtual tickets and set up a date night in his room to watch it all day. Even before he got into Overwatch, he was interested in Starcraft. You, in turn, were passionate about all Blizzard games, especially World of Warcraft. The moment the main cinematic for World of Warcraft started and you heard Sylvanas’ voice, you couldn’t help yourself.

The two of you had already been yelling for the past hour- Word of Warcraft’s announcement being the last spectacle of the Opening Ceremony.

“WOOOOOOOOOOOOO~” you yelled, Jungkook eagerly joining in with you.

“WOOHOOOOOOOO!”

Every time something remotely cool happened, there was a screech of joy ripping from your lips. “This is the best day of my life!” You cried, shaking your fists with pride as Sylvanas exclaimed ‘FOR THE HORDE!’

“I KNOW, RIGHT?!” Jungkook added in.

“FOR THE HORDE!” You both exclaimed, wildly clapping and shaking each other with excitement.

You also started wiggling around in your spot when Anduin raised his hand up and called down the barrier of Holy Light. You had been an Alliance player as a child when you first started playing, so this brought a lot of old faction pride bubbling up in your chest. “YOU GO ANDUIN! FUCK THEM UP!!!! FOR THE ALLIANCE!!”

“YEAH! FOR THE ALLIANCE!” Jungkook added in, his grin making you smile so widely that your cheeks hurt. You knew your voice would not make it through the whole day, but you didn’t care and neither did Jungkook.

When the ceremony ended, everyone sitting in the living room sighed with relief and the hope that the screaming would die down, but as you and Jungkook started watching the panels, they were proven wrong. “MIROOOOOOOO!” Jungkook yelled as he slammed his fists down on his desk, the cheering becoming louder and louder as the South Korean team decimated the United States in the Overwatch quarterfinals. Yoongi had enough. “Someone please go shut them up,” he groaned, tightening his grip on the shoulder of his girlfriend Rhiannon, your best friend, whose enthusiasm (which was close to a mouse’s whisper compared to yours) died down after she watched the World of Warcraft announcement on her phone.

Jin stomped up to the room in which you and Jungkook were huddled up, still cheering wildly; “Keep it down!” You could barely hear Jin’s voice was calling from the other side of the bedroom door as he rapped on it. “The neighbours might complain!”

“Let them!!” The two of you called in unison.

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jinkisbelly · 7 years ago

Text

Hourglass 2/2

Pairing: Onkey in all forms and ways ^-^, and side jongho

Word Count: 22,824 (gonna break it down into two parts so it isn’t too long)

Rating: Pg-13, some NC-17

Warnings: A few main character deaths in past lifetimes, Transgender lifetime, a mention of abuse

Summary: Just shy of his 28th birthday Kibum realizes the detailed dreams plaguing his nights the last few months are actually memories of his past lives, tethering him to another soul throughout time and space. He feels like he’s running out of sand in the hourglass of this lifetime to find them.

first part

special thanks to my muffin ( @subbyjonghyun) and sugarplum ( @tofnew) for putting up with my spam and helping me get through writing this. Couldn’t have finished without you both <3

Jinki: I’m so excited for tonight

Kibum smiled softly at the message scrolling across the top of his phone, but then he heard the soft voices of Minho and Jonghyun and his expression fell slowly. It had been a week since he had said anything to his friend more than just passing greetings. Although Minho’s lack of belief in his dreams being more than just dreams hurt him, he still missed his friend immensely. He had noticed Jonghyun had been over more and after knowing Minho for almost 2 decades he knew the man always needed extra affection when he was upset.

Kibum: I’ve been looking forward to it all week ^^

He tossed his phone on the bed next to him and stared at his closed bedroom door for a moment before pushing off and slowly opening the door. He wasn’t sure what he was going to say, but avoiding him was doing nothing to fix the problem at hand and anything was better than that at this point. The squeak of his door hinge opening caused the two men on the couch to look his way. He swallowed thickly as he closed the door behind him and moved down the rest of the hall. Minho was looking at him with such an open vulnerable expression it hurt. “Do you have time to talk for a moment?”

“Ye-yeah!”

Jonghyun smiled as he stood up and pressed a kiss to Minho’s head, softly saying, “Call me later, okay?” He grabbed his things, nodded his head toward Kibum before slipping on his shoes and heading out the door. With him gone the tension fell around them once again it seemed and Kibum was stuck feeling awkward and nervous all at once.

“I’m sorry for avoiding you this last week. I didn’t know how to move through my own thoughts and feelings and-”

“Wait, Kibum.” Minho stood, slowly blinking for a moment before continuing. “You were distraught, scared and anxious. You came to me for support, to be your friend and help you through it, and all I did was basically say you were overreacting and it wasn’t anything. I should be sorry Kibum.”

“No I... it is a crazy thought that these dreams are anything other than an overactive imagination.” Kibum looked at his feet, dejected and aching in his chest, but he had to come to terms with that. Thinking anything different caused more harm than anything.

“I believe you.”

Kibum’s head snapped up so fast it almost hurt. “What?”

“I believe you. I was talking with Jonghyun, I hope you don’t mind that, and he believes you. He got so excited over the concept of a soulmate, he was intrigued to know about your dreams. I wasn’t looking at this like a friend. I was looking at this with a very critical mindset, and I’m sorry.”

“You do?”

Minho smiled gently, “Yeah. I know you have a date tonight, but until then why don’t you tell me about all the dreams and we’ll start figuring this out.”

“Ming,” He breathed out softly, emotions getting the better of him as he walked around the couch to hug him. “Thank you.”

The man squeezed him tightly, “Thank you for coming out here.”

When they parted Kibum held his hand up, “Lemme go get my journal really quick… and on second thought my phone. Jinki’s probably wondering why I haven’t responded yet.”

-----

This time Kibum was the one speed walking down the rain covered street to get to the movie theatre. The traffic had been so horrid he had asked the taxi to let him out almost five blocks down the road. Jinki was leaning against the wall under the big awning and a big smile spread across his face when he recognized Kibum maneuvering through the mass of people. He shook off his hair and coat from the rain with an apologetic smile, “I’m so sorry I’m late.”

“It’s okay,” He pushed off the wall and pulled the tickets from his pocket. “I already got the tickets, so we don’t have to wait in that atrocious line.”

“How about I get the snacks in payment?” In reply, Jinki offered his hand, palm up, and Kibum hesitantly curled their fingers together. He let out a relieved breath and softly said, “This is nice.”

“Hopefully you think that past like 20 seconds,” Jinki chuckled, “If we don’t get snacks soon we’re gonna be late for the movie even with the commercials.”

He groaned at the sight of the snack lines’ length, but Jinki led him over to one and they waited, hands held between them. They made soft conversation about work, Kibum shared the funny story about the old lady who wanted hot coffee with ice in it, and Jinki mentioned the student who wrote post to be instead of supposed to be in a senior level lab report.

“Post to be? Like going to the post?”

“Yeah,” Jinki sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose with his right hand, “You think it gets better as the grade level increases, but it gets so much worse. I had a class of seniors where the highest grade on the first test was a 20 out of a hundred. I about cried. We spent the entire class period beforehand going over the test exactly. I literally gave them the answers and they still fucked it up.”

“That sounds incredibly frustrating.” Kibum glanced around the man in front of him to see how close they were to the front of the line and frowned deeply when they were nowhere near it. “My biggest frustration is there are some people who read my books and will do everything to erase that the two main characters are trans. It’s not mentioned in great detail, but it is canon that they’re both trans. People will completely ignore that part of the book and live by the fact that they’re both CIS.” He flashed a smile with a little laugh, “Sorry, it bothers me a lot.”

“As it should.” Jinki’s nose scrunched up, cutely Kibum noticed. “Erasing someone’s identity, fictional or not, is frustrating on the basic level. If you think about it more in depth it gets even more complicated.”

The more he listened to Jinki talk about anything, the more he felt he was supposed to run into him at the university.

-----

After the movie let out the area outside the theatre’s front doors was a lot less crowded. Jinki was sipping at his icee with one hand and holding Kibum’s left hand with the other. “I had a really great time.”

Jinki smiled brightly over at him. “I did too. The movie was even better than I expected.”

“Did you want to grab something to eat?” He softly asked, “There’s a diner down the road that serves the best burgers.”

“That sounds good actually,” As they continued to walk they finally noticed the rain had stopped. Jinki smiled gently, “It seems the universe is telling us to definitely get burgers.”

Their intertwined hands swung between them as Kibum gently led him the right direction. His hand was warm and small compared to Kibum’s, but it was like it was meant for him to hold they fit so nicely together. He had to remind himself not to gaze for too long, but it proved difficult with how beautiful Jinki was and the memories of his dreams associated with the same face. Someone running down the sidewalk, knocking Jinki straight into him, took him from his thoughts. He wrapped his free arm around Jinki, turning to get him stabilized and away from the person who had run into him. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” Jinki’s warm voice quietly answered. He gazed up at him softly and smiled, “Thanks.”

“Oh, you’re welcome,” Kibum whispered, eyes flicking momentarily to his lips. He thought about kissing him, but he didn’t want to go too fast and scare him off. He was sure Jinki had looked at his own lips, however but had he read it all wrong? In the end, he let him go, hand slipping from around him slowly. “People should really look where they’re going.”

Kibum moved to continue down the sidewalk, but Jinki stayed firm in his spot and tugged him back by his grip on his hand. “C’mere.”

He stepped back in front of him hesitantly. Jinki was looking up at him through his lashes, tongue running over his bottom lip slowly, and hand moving around his waist. “Yes?”

“Can I kiss you?” His breathing hitched, but he managed to mumble out a yes. Jinki’s smile was soft and slow as he pushed up, pressing their lips together gently. It wasn’t a very long kiss, but Kibum pressed back when they parted and Jinki recuperated the kiss easily. When they withdrew Jinki chuckled softly and Kibum frowned slightly. Jinki noticed quickly and shook his head. “That was great Kibum. I’ve just… never been the one to kiss so early. It just felt, right? If that makes any sense.”

It was like something slid into place inside him and he felt the burning feeling in his chest. “It makes perfect sense.”

Jinki squinted and playfully asked, “Are you sure we’ve never met before?”

“100 percent in this lifetime.”

The man froze for a moment at the last word, but then he was smiling and asking, “So burgers?”

-----

Kibum hung his keys up on the hook near the front door beside Minho’s as he kicked his shoes off. He picked them up by the back and shuffled into the living room. Jonghyun and Minho were curled up watching a movie, laughing at the scene playing out in front of them on the television screen. After he and Minho had gone over his dreams Jonghyun had been called to resume their plans of watching a movie. They glanced at him for a moment before the movie was paused. Minho turned more to the left, his arm over the back of the couch, as he asked, “Did someone get a kiss?”

Kibum scuffed, “What makes you ask that?”

“Because your dimple is showing you’re smiling so much.” Minho snickered. He was smiling softly as he asked, “So how was it?”

“Soft and warm.” Kibum ran his fingers on his free hand through his hair and gave a shy smile. “Just like him.”

Jonghyun giggled quietly, “Someone’s falling in love.”

Kibum made a high pitch noise in his movement to flee from the statement. Both men on the couch laughed hard at his expense.

-----

The Laene Kingdom, mid 15th century.

“Oh come now Jinki,” Gwiboon looked back at him, thick furs tight around his body. “It’s a few 100 feet and a well timed floating spell. Easy Peasy.”

Jinki mumbled something under his breath as he stared off the cliff. His voice was louder in his protest. “I’m not doing it. Let’s just take the long path down the mountain.”

“That’s a good two weeks with the blizzard against the rocks. Maybe more. There's powerful magic protecting this place.” She stepped forward and cupped his cheek, “We both know you can’t last much more than that. We don’t want them coming into the world on a mountaintop.”

“You’re right,” He scowled, “But you can’t let go of my hand the entire way down.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” She held her hand out and his soft fingers curled around them quickly.

He glared at her, “You are a dangerous woman.”

“I know I am.” She beamed before leaning over to press a kiss to his cheek. “Ready?”

“No, but let’s get this over with.”

She made sure the packs on her shoulders were completely closed tightly and gave his hand a squeeze. “Don’t worry about the spell. I have you.” When Jinki nodded Gwiboon gave another smile. “On your count.”

Jinki took a deep breath and mumbled the numbers. On three they jumped. The wind rushing past their ears slowed as Gwiboon muttered the spell. She moved to wrap both arms around him, his forehead pressed into her chest as he squeezed his eyes shut. It seemed like they were falling forever by the time Gwiboon’s warm voice could be heard in his ear. “Step down Jinki. We’re safe.”

He slowly put his foot down and he let off a breath of relief. “I almost want to kiss the ground.”

“It wasn’t that bad.” Gwiboon snorted. She gave his hand a squeeze, “The village is just up the road.”

“There’s heated homes right?”

Gwiboon dipped her head down to nuzzle into his shoulder affectionately, hand moving from holding his to curl around his waist, fingers curling in the soft furs wrapped around him. He shifted a little to kiss the top of her head as she replied, “Yes Baby. You’ll be the coziest bumpkin ever.”

The images around them swirled as they continued, the blizzard blowing rapidly through the dense forest. Jinki’s heat spell was helping take some of the blunt force away from splattering them in the face repetitively, but when the small village could be seen in the close distance relief filled them both. The bridge leading into the village was icy, but Gwiboon led him across with a sure hand on his lower back. A few people rushed from their homes to greet them. Over her travels, she had met many people and gained a few great friends. One being Minjung, the matron protector of the village. She was waiting in front of their inn, lantern clasped in her hands and a big smile on her face as her hood blew slightly against her cheek. The wards around the village protected it from most of the wind, snowflakes falling slowly and peacefully from the sky.

“I am happy you have both made it.” She beamed at Jinki, “And before your little one. I have rooms ready for you. Come.”

Jinki was safe. For a moment in time, Gwiboon wasn’t worried about losing him and she could enjoy becoming a mother. It was like the war, enemies, and atrocities across the mountains wrapping around the valley… didn’t exist.

----

Kibum paused the television show on his laptop when his phone began to ring on the nightstand. “Hey, you~”

“How was your day? It has been so busy these last couple weeks I could barely look at the phone.” Kibum smiled at the soft, cute tone of his voice, and the quiet noise of his body moving over sheets. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too. I had a meeting with my publisher over the last few chapters review deadline early this morning and then I gave myself a break.” Kibum took a small drink of his tea and mumbled, “By watching Netflix for seven hours.”

“Some small break there,” Jinki chuckled sweetly, “Have you eaten anything?”

“Some chips that were Minho’s a few hours ago.” Kibum hummed, “Why do you ask?”

“I keep canceling on you. The last two months we’ve only been together for half of it.” Jinki laughed a little, “I was thinking of coming and cooking for you if you want to. Have a night in.” Kibum swallowed thickly. Nerves bubbled up in him at the idea of Jinki being at his place, cooking for him in his kitchen, and oh god, meeting Minho. “I know I’ve never been to your place. It’s okay if you think it’s moving too quickly or-”

“I’d really like you cooking for me.” Kibum breathed out, a warm, light feeling in his chest. “I’ll send you my address okay? Come around 6?”

“Six it is.” The happiness in his voice made Kibum feel fuzzy. “I’m a very good cook, just so you know.”

“I’m hoping so.” Kibum snorted, “I ain’t gonna eat it if it’s gross.”

Jinki laughed wholeheartedly, warm and deep. Kibum swooned.

-----

He glanced at his reflection for what had to be the hundredth time in the last 15 minutes as he ran his hands over the sweater over his frame. He had sent a message to Minho about how Jinki was coming over tonight. The man had sent him a winky face and the eggplant emoji in response. Kibum had ignored him ever since. He was fidgeting with the collar of the sweater when he heard the doorbell ring. He swung out of the room quickly and almost tripped over the rug in the hall. The doorbell rung again and he cursed softly before calling out, “Coming~ One second.” A moment later he was removing the chain from the door and swung it open with a big smile. Jinki was standing there with big eyes, a brown paper bag in his arms, “Hello Cutie.”

He blushed, “Hey.”

“Come on in.” Kibum stepped back and took in Jinki’s full appearance as he walked into the apartment. His sweater was big, but tight around his hips. His hair was pushed out of his eyes, swept over to the side and curling around his ears a bit. “The kitchen is just to the right.”

“I was thinking of making tacos.” Jinki placed the bag on the counter and begun to empty the contents out across the surface. “Since I canceled on the food truck festival.”

“Ooo Tacos.”

Jinki laughed, “I’m glad, I was nervous you would want something else.”

Kibum leaned on his palms, elbows on the counter, and he smiled, “No, no, anything would have been fine. I’m glad you suggested this. I’ve missed you.”

After emptying the bag completely Jinki leaned over the counter to softly kiss him. Kibum deepened the kiss making Jinki give a breathy laugh as they pulled away. “I can see.”

-----

Their empty plates were back on the kitchen counter, left there once they had finished eating and moved into the living room to watch one of the possible movies Jinki had brought with him. The first movie was just about over, the credits were about to play when they heard the door being opened slowly. Two voices could be heard, taking their attention completely from the television set. Stepping through was Minho, followed shortly by Jonghyun being tugged in by his hand. Kibum frowned deeply. He was supposed to have the apartment for the night. Of course the one night he asks for it Minho would forget.

“Oh~” Minho happily sounded as he turned toward the couch. “You must be Jinki.”

Jinki glanced back at Kibum for a moment, “Minho, the roommate.” He mumbled quietly in response.

“Ah,” Jinki turned again with a big smile, holding out his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

Minho gently took the hand before turning toward Jonghyun, “And this is my boyfriend-”

“Kim Jonghyun.” Jinki finished his sentence with a smile. “We know each other from the biology department.”

Jonghyun quietly asked, “What’s that smell?”

“Oh we made tacos,” Jinki happily commented, “Here, let me join you. I kind of want another one.”

As soon as he and Jonghyun walked out of the room Kibum stood up and punched Minho straight in the shoulder. Minho hissed, “What the fuck was that for?”

“Remember when I texted you telling you I had a date,” Kibum scowled deeply before hissing, “And I told you I wanted the apartment?”

“Oh.” Minho’s eyes widened, “Oh oh.”

“Yeah Oh,” Kibum huffed.

Minho leaned down on the back of the couch with a smirk, “Are you going to break your dry spell?”

“I don’t know,” Kibum nervously pushed his fingers through his hair, “I do want the opportunity to have the choice to.”

“Gotchu, I gotchu.” Minho saluted playfully. “Count us out.”

Kibum groaned at how embarrassing his best friend was, but he fondly gazed over at Jinki when he came back into the room followed by Jonghyun stuffing a taco into his mouth. “These are delicious I want to marry them.”

Minho gave him a side eye. “Tacos or me?”

Jonghyun stared at the taco for a second and Minho whined. The shorter man kissed his cheek. “You Babe, definitely you.”

“I forgot that Kibum had a date tonight so, let’s go over to your place baby.” He smiled down at Jinki as the other man was getting comfy on the couch near Kibum, “It was nice to meet you Jinki.”

“You too, Minho,” Jinki softly mumbled, lifting his head from Kibum’s shoulder to smile up at him. “And Jonghyun maybe I’ll tell you the taco recipe at the next general biology department meeting.”

As they walked out Minho could be heard saying, “I like him. Can we keep him?”

Jinki snorted, “I guess they like me.”

Kibum kissed his hair, “I know I do.”

After a moment Jinki softly asked, “Do we have to watch the next movie?”

“Did you have something else in mind?”

“A little.” Jinki shifted, resting on his knees and hand skimming over Kibum’s shoulder over the back of his neck to play with the hair brushing against his skin. “Now that we’re alone again.”

“Oh,” Kibum quietly said and he softly gasped when Jinki moved his thigh to straddle him, settling over his lap. Hesitantly he rested his hands on Jinki’s thick thighs, gazing up at him as Jinki moved to kiss him. His arms went around his neck, smile on his lips as he leaned closer to brush their noses together. “You sure know how to get what you want.”

Jinki chuckled, breath warm and soft against Kibum’s lips. “This is just the beginning.”

He moved his hands over his thighs, squeezing a little as he asked, “Not that I don’t enjoy this, but what brought this on?”

“I heard you.” Jinki laughed quietly when Kibum blushed, “We don’t have to have sex tonight, but I do want to kiss you a lot right now.”

-----

As he laid Jinki down among his blankets he blushed, softly saying, “Please excuse all the loose papers of my manuscript around the room.”

“I’m sitting here in a sweater and no pants,” Jinki stated as he worked on kissing Kibum’s exposed neck, a gentle laugh rolling off his lips. “The not-really-clutter clutter is not on my mind.”

Kibum curled his fingers around his right thigh, tugging it up until it was pressed against his hip, fingers cutting into the skin causing Jinki to hiss slightly. “I do like you without pants on.”

Jinki rose just enough to pull his sweater off his frame and tugged Kibum back down to kiss him. His thighs opened easily, allowing Kibum to rest against him comfortably. His cock could be felt through his boxers and Kibum groaned against his skin when Jinki rose his hips to grind against him. His skin was smooth and warm, and Jinki made such beautiful little noises with each touch.

He moved to kiss down his jaw, down his neck to suck gently at his adams apple, before moving down to his chest and his soft stomach. Familiar images flashed through his head as if this wasn’t their first time together. He rose, pushing his palms against his eyes as he hissed. Jinki sat up quickly, hands soft on his shoulders as he asked gently, concerned, “Hey, Kibum what’s wrong?”

“It hurts,” He hissed. “I can’t- Fuck.”

Jinki wrapped his arms around him, tugging him down to lay on the bed, “Breath through it. Where is your

“Uh,” Kibum couldn’t really think clearly with the pain throbbing so harshly, “Top shelf in the bathroom I think.”

He felt the bed move as Jinki left, heard the door click open and then close as he returned. “Here. Drink this.”

He squinted as he removed his hands and opened his eyes. Jinki was standing there with a glass of water and a tiny bottle of painkillers. Once swallowed, Jinki smiled, putting the cup on the table and climbing back into bed on the other side. Kibum frowned, “I’m sorry I ruined the mood.”

Jinki shrugged, legs crisscrossed and arms around the pillow he was hugging, and a smile on his face as he gazed over at him. “It’s okay. We don’t have to have sex tonight Kibum.”

“I really wanted to though,” Kibum whined, causing Jinki to laugh loudly. When the man moved to get dressed Kibum grabbed his wrist gently. “You don’t have to go. You can still sleep here.”

He looked a little awkward still half on the bed, but he slowly sat back down, eyes soft and vulnerable. “You sure?”

“Yeah.” Kibum shifted a little, grimacing at the pain in his head. “Turn the main light off and c’mere.”

Once settled Jinki softly asked, “How are you feeling?”

“A lot better without the light.” They could still see the other’s face dimly with the light coming from the window. Kibum moved Jinki’s hair from his face with a smile, “You’re really beautiful.”

He blushed, head dipping a little under his arm that was under his head. “You’re making me flustered.”

“I love you.”

Jinki looked like he was about to cry when he looked up at him, lips parted a little for a moment before he asked, “What did you just say?”

“I love you.” He whispered, cupping his cheek with a fond smile, “I love you Jinki.”

Kibum was softly kissed then. Jinki was careful with him, not pushing too far before pulling away with a content sigh. “I love you too.”

------

The Laene Kingdom, mid 15th century.

Gwiboon held her bag tighter on her shoulders and held back her tears as she started over the main bridge leading away from the village. Jinki was asleep in the rooms provided for them by Minjung, their new babies sleeping in their cribs next to him. He would wake up in a few hours to an empty bed and a note sealed with a kiss on the nightstand near his head. He would be furious with her for leaving. He’d scream and yell and probably burn a few things until it all drained out of him and all that was left was the sheer heartache of being left behind. She had to do this. She was going to protect him, their family, until her last breath, and with the news of them being followed reaching her a few weeks prior she wasn’t going to risk it. The village was the safest in the world, but when it came to him…. She quickly wiped the tears from her eyes and took a deep breath, looking back once more for a moment before descending the bridge and stepping into the thick snow. The further she was away from them, the safer they’d be.

Kibum shifted in his sleep, nose scrunching before turning over and settling back to sleep with a soft sigh.

It had been months since she had stood on this bridge. Almost eight to be exact since she left Jinki and their family with a kiss to the head and a note in the middle of the night. She wasn’t sure what was waiting for her, but with the war officially over, the man hunting her like a dog being dead and burned, she finally felt safe enough to return to him. The cobblestone road had a fresh layer of snow, many people moving through the village in the midafternoon sun, but she saw him through it all. He was sitting on the step in front of the home they had been given, and Gwiboon swallowed thickly seeing the two little bundles sitting in the snow playing. Gods, they had gotten so big.

He was smiling so big she could almost hear him laughing. She stood almost frozen in her spot, gazing at him. She felt as if she didn’t belong anymore. Eight months was such a long time to be apart from someone, especially for them who had never been apart for more than a week. She had missed so much in the effort to protect them. Just when she was questioning if now was the right time to return Jinki’s head rose, his eyes catching sight of her across the street. She could see the shock visible through his features. He turned for a moment talking to Minjung sitting on the chair up on the porch. Minjung’s eyes found her and a smile spread across her face as she nodded her head, pushing off the chair to sit next to the small children after Jinki stood from his spot.

So many people around them, but as he walked toward her no one else mattered. His eyes were glossy, bottom lip through his teeth as he hissed back a breath, just before painfully saying, “How dare you leave me with nothing but a note.”

“Jinki- I-”

“You planned this all along. You brought me here to leave me behind and I was stupid enough to believe you wanted to settle down for just a little while with me.” He landed a blow into her chest with his loosely held fist. “I deserved more. I deserved to say goodbye.”

“I know. I know you did.”

“You’re a coward.” He hissed, hitting her in the chest again. “Eight months without a single message, not a raven, nothing. For all, I knew you had... Died.”

“I couldn’t risk them finding you… hurting you to get to me.” Her voice was almost full of sadness, almost begging him to forgive her, as she grabbed his small hands into hers to stop him from hitting her chest.

“You never did get it.” He quietly stated, shaking his head for a moment. He looked up and his voice broke as he said. “I was always safest by your side, Gwiboon.”

“I am sorry,” She hesitantly moved to wipe the tears falling from his cheeks, before moving her thumb across the skin. “But I promise you from this day forward I will never leave you again. It is over. All of it.”

“It’s over?” He quietly asked, shock adamant in his voice.

“Completely.” Jinki almost jumped into her arms. His arms around her neck, pushing up to kiss her so firmly that she almost lost her balance all the way. Her arm came up to settle him against her. When he parted from her she pecked his lips again. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He laughed quietly at himself before softly stepping back, grabbing her hand. “Come. Your children are a lot different than when you left.”

One was sitting in her lap a few moments later, the other looking up at her with big ole eyes, and Jinki was leaning on her shoulder. It was then Jinki admitted, “I wish to stay here. I wish to make here home.”

She reached over to squeeze his hand on her knee. “It already is home.”

------

Jonghyun bounced into the room happily. Jinki shifted a little in his spot with his legs over Kibum’s lap in order to see the man as his voice could be heard. “Did you ask him yet?”

“No,” Jinki replied, voice muffled with the ice cream covered spoon in his mouth.

“Ask me what?” Kibum asked as he took his eyes off the television.

“If you wanted to play softball with us,” Jinki replied, head resting on Kibum’s shoulder comfortably. “The university is having a faculty game before school starts again and one of our players had to drop last minute. Would you want to?”

“I haven’t played since middle school, but sure.” He laughed sweetly when Jinki kissed his cheek, gently lapping at the bit of ice cream left by his lips.

“Thank you, Babe.”

Jonghyun just sipped his lemonade through his straw with a small, highly amused smile.

-----

Rockford, Illinois 1945

Gwiboon wrapped her dressing gown tighter around herself as she moved to open the door. Most of the other girls in the house had already retired to their rooms and there would be no reason for their coach to be knocking on her door so late in the night with the curfew put into effect still. She clicked the lock open and quietly opened the door. She smiled so wide when Eunsook came into view. A shawl was wrapped around her shoulders, long hair curled up into a messy hairdo, and a soft, slow smile curled on her face. Her lips were painted red, her signature. Gwiboon softly whispered, “I wasn’t sure you were coming back this year.”

Eunsook pushed a strand of hair behind her ear before she smiled sweetly, “But how will you ever have hopes of winning this year without me?”

“Have you found your room?”

“I have. It’s down the hall to the right.”

Gwiboon stepped away from the door without a word. Eunsook entered the room all the way. Her hat was gently removed from her head, some of her hair falling from the pins as she laid the accessory on Gwiboon’s vanity. She heard the door click close, the lock being slid into place and Gwiboon’s bare feet across the wooden floors before she felt the woman’s arms moving around her middle and her lips against her neck. “Oh, how I’ve missed you.”

Eunsook leaned her head to the left, giving the other woman open access to her neck. “I always looked forward to your letters.”

She locked eyes with Eunsook through the mirror for a moment before reaching up to begin to remove all the pins in her hair. The long, soft locks began to fall around her gently, cupping her face beautifully. Her shawl was placed next to her hat and Gwiboon watched her delicate fingers begin to unbutton the top of her dress until it fell around her ankles as it passed her wide hips. She turned after the last pin was removed and looked up at Gwiboon through her long lashes, teeth cutting into her bottom lip and removing some of her lipstick along with it. Gwiboon rubbed her thumb over the smudged area slow and firm.

Eunsook’s eyes were gazing up at her as she moved her finger over her lips, removing most of her lipstick. The slightly shorter woman opened her mouth causing Gwiboon’s fingers to fall against her tongue. Gwiboon’s breathing stuttered as the woman lapped at her fingers. Her eyes fluttered as Eunsook gently pulled at the string holding her dressing gown closed, cool fingers moving against warm skin, and up to cup one of her bare breasts. “Oh, Sookie.”

When Gwiboon removed her fingers Eunsook grinned, stepping forward until she had backed the woman up against the bed. She pushed lightly, causing Gwiboon to fall backward. She removed her bra, shimmed out of her panties, and smiled as the other woman sat up to wrap her arms around the curve of her beautiful waist. Gwiboon tugged her closer, kissing at the supple soft skin of her tummy, up between her breasts before sucking at a nipple. Eunsook moaned deeply, fingers curling in Gwiboon’s hair. “You’re so good to me.”

“Just wait until you read the signs between your legs,” Gwiboon chuckled, “My little pitcher.”

-------

Kibum smirked as Jinki bent over to pull the equipment from the bag. “I think my favorite thing about this is your ass in those sweats.”

Jinki glared around his hip for a moment before straightening, both gloves held against his chest. He tossed one at his boyfriend a little harshly. “Just put that on and get ready.”

He wiggled his hand into the glove and adjusted the velcro strap on the back. When he looked up again Jinki was about 20 feet away, flexing his fingers in the glove and tossing the softball in front of his thighs softly. “You’re not going to hit me in the head right?”

“If you catch it,” Jinki snorted for a moment before smiling, “You ready?” Kibum shrugged, holding the glove up. His eyes widened as Jinki threw the softball, harder than he had expected him to at first, and he ducked as it came closer. He heard Jinki’s loud laughter and he scowled at him as he stood again. “What was that?”

“I could ask you the same thing!” Jinki was still laughing, causing Kibum to grumble as he jogged to go get the ball. “You’re supposed to help me get prepared for the game, not take my head off.”

“Alright alright. I’ll go easier on you Babe.” Jinki winked and he laughed when Kibum stuck his tongue out at him in response.

-----

On the road to the Playoffs, 1945

“He sent me another letter this morning.” Eunsook quietly stated, respectful of her other teammates toward the front of the bus. “Asked me why I hadn’t replied to his last ones.”

“Where is he now?” Gwiboon asked, eyes closed and long, thin fingers being played with by the other woman.

“He didn’t say.” Eunsook sighed, head leaning against the window of the bus. “He tries to make this a real marriage. He never understood that I never wanted to marry him in the first place.”

“Mine is somewhere in the Pacific. He hasn’t sent me a letter in weeks. My mother tells me I should be sadder, but,” She slowly opened her eyes to gaze at Eunsook. At her beautiful plump lips, the curve of her nose and flutter of her eyelashes. “These last two years have been the happiest I’ve been since I was told I was to be married to him.”

Eunsook moved her head over to look at her, eyes soft and vulnerable. Her voice was barely a whisper, “I sometimes am ashamed to wish they never return.”

Gwiboon kissed two of her fingers slowly before lifting them to Eunsook’s lips.”Me too Love.”

-----

“I didn’t know you had it in you,” Minho stated as he smacked Kibum hard in the shoulder, causing him to spit up the soft drink he was at the time attempting to swallow.

Jinki giggled behind his hand, leaning against the wood of the inside of the booth. Kibum frowned as he patted the soda from his shirt. “It was just a double.”

“A double that made us win,” Jinki added, moving over to gently kiss his cheek. He said so close their thighs were touching, stealing a fry or two from Kibum’s basket.

“I literally asked you if you wanted fries.” He softly commented.

“I don’t want my own. I want yours.” He flashed a cute little smile before taking another handful of fries. Kibum just shook his head and let him. Pleased Jinki laid his head on Kibum’s shoulder, hooking their arms together, and holding his drink with his left hand. Jonghyun tried to take some of Minho’s, but the man pulled it away.

“I’m not as nice as him.” When Jonghyun pouted deeply Minho gave in, pushing the basket back over toward him. “You’re lucky you’re cute.”

Jonghyun hummed happily. “Fries and dibbing rights for the next year. Double bonus.”

“After this, I need a nap,” Jinki mumbled. “I’m getting too old for this.”

Kibum kissed his hair, “A nap sounds wonderful.”

------

Just before the AAGPBL 1945 Championship

Gwiboon was rolling up her socks when the door to their locker room opened. There stood their manager. The look on his face made everyone pause momentarily, but it was the colored slip of paper in his hand that made everyone’s breath catch. The women on the team slowly took seats on the benches around the room, waiting with wide eyes as their manager walked toward them. Gwiboon expected him to stop before he got to her, but he kept walking until he was standing directly in front of her. His eyes moved between her and Eunsook as he pulled at the paper in his hand. It was then she realized there were two notices. He handed one to each of them, “I’m so sorry girls.”

Gwiboon knew she should cry, tears should have formed, for even though she never loved him as a husband she did care for him as a friend and fellow human being, but she couldn’t. She glanced toward Eunsook, who was staring down at the paper cradled in her palms, and she wrapped her arms around her. Eunsook melted into the embrace, emotions finally hitting her at the physical touch. They barely heard their manager comment about letting them have some space. When the door clicked close Gwiboon pulled away, moving the curls from Eunsook’s face and moved to wipe her tears. The room was clear, so she softly whispered, “Why are you crying beautiful?”

“What am I to do?” She breathed.

“We’ll figure something out.” Gwiboon quietly shushed her.

Eunsook shook her head. “You don’t understand.”

“Understand what?”

“I should be broken. Any other woman in this room with a husband would have cried and shaken with this news, and all I felt was relief. What am I to do when I have to return home and face his family expecting me to be a grief stricken widow?” She covered her face with her hands, elbows pressed into her thighs.

There was silence for a long while before Gwiboon quietly said. “You won’t have to if you come home with me.”

Eunsook’s head snapped over toward her, “What?”

“Come with me.” She smiled hopefully, “We can be together. Widowers living with each other to help through the pain, or to not be lonely or something. Whatever we have to tell them, but we can be together. No more dreading when they come home.”

“Do you hear yourself Gwiboon?” Eunsook sighed, “People will think we wanted them to not return. What type of people are we being happy two human beings are dead?”

“He abused you. He beat you so badly, but you had to stay because what could you do alone?” Gwiboon hissed, wanting to protect her even now he was gone. “You’re free. You’re allowed to be happy you’re free.”

Eunsook’s eyes moved rapidly over her facial features, thinking things through. She looked lost and small when she asked, “You want me to go with you?”

Gwiboon squeezed her hands, “I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

She quickly kissed Gwiboon’s cheek, smiling ever so softly as she wiped her tears. When she spoke again Gwiboon laughed, “Do you think they’ll allow us to play?”

Smirking she replied, “If they want to win they will.”

They held hands until they reached the door and Eunsook pushed it open, fingers slipping from the other’s grasp between the skirts of their uniforms.

-----

Kibum frowned as the pamphlet on the counter came into better view. He ran his fingertips over the cover softly before picking it up by the edge to flip it open, “Hey Ming?”

“Yeah?”

“What’s this about a cruise?”

“Oh,” Kibum could hear the man moving through their apartment towards him and a few moments later he was stepping around the corner into the kitchen, “My parents mentioned that they’d gift us cruise tickets if we really wanted to go for our birthdays.”

“I am not getting on a damn ship.” Kibum was shaking his head quickly, “I’m not gonna die in a shipwreck again.”

“Uh Kibum, you never died in a shipwreck.”

“Huh?” He asked as he looked up at him, seemingly dazed.

“You said you didn’t want to die in a shipwreck again.. Insinuating there was a first time.”

“Did I?” He laid the pamphlet on the counter cover side down. “I uh, think you misheard me or something.”

-----

Southampton, Titanic at port, April 10th, 1912

“I’m so excited,” Jinki exclaimed softly, fingers curling tightly around Kibum’s jacket to stay with him through the crowd as they moved toward the last checkpoint before boarding.

Kibum flashed a smile over his shoulder as he reached back to grab Jinki’s wrist of the hand gripping his jacket. His other hand held his bag. He moved quickly through the crowd, tugging Jinki along who was softly laughing from the excitement of it all. When they finally reached the checkpoint Kibum reached into his inside coat pocket to hand Jinki his ticket. His voice was very soft as he said, “I can’t wait to start a new life with you.”

Jinki smiled wide, looking up at the huge ship on the water before looking back at him. “We’re just one bridge and a travel across the sea away.”

Kibum leaned closer to whisper something in Jinki’s ear, “I really want to kiss you.”

With slightly pink cheeks Jinki coughed and looked up at him under his lashes, “Move forward Mr. Kim.”

He let Jinki get checked first and as he went through the last motions to get through he gazed at the man. Jinki was gazing up at the big ship, the breeze flowing through his long hair and happy smile on his face at the beauty of the Titanic. He was breathtaking. He slowly looked over when he felt Kibum’s hand on his shoulder. “Let’s start our new life Jinki.”

-----

Minho was sitting in the recliner across the room staring at the soccer game on the television. Kibum was figuring out a way to ask him a question without being laughed at. After a few more minutes he ventured to ask, “Hey Ming?”

“Huh?” Minho looked over, “Oh yeah, hey what’s up?”

“Is there a way to find out who died on the Titanic?”

“What the fuck, Dude?” Minho snorted, “How did you get to that from soccer?”

“Well, I had another dream.” Minho turned a little to face him completely. “The one last night I was on the Titanic.”

“And you think you will show up on the manifest or something? What’s to say in that life you died? Or you had the same name?”

Kibum sighed, “I guess you’re right.”

“If you have another dream about this, with more information, we’ll look more into it.” Minho leaned on his palm, elbow on the arm of the chair. He smiled, almost evilly, “So what’s the plan for tonight?”

“I have no clue. Jinki has a complete secret plan for my birthday.” Minho wiggled his eyebrows at that and Kibum blushed as he hissed, “Shut up.”

Minho laughed loud and high pitched, highly amused at the embarrassment on Kibum’s face. He frowned when the man stood up and walked around the couch. “Oh come on. Stay.”

Kibum shook his head, “It’s only like noon and I need a nap.”

Before he left he tossed a pillow at Minho’s head because of the snort he heard from him as he turned away.

-----

Titanic April 13th, 1912

“I wish we could have found it,” Jinki mumbled sadly as he gazed down at his bare ring finger, head leaning on Kibum’s bare shoulder.

He pushed his fingers through Jinki’s hair, pressing his lips to his head before quietly saying, “There is still a chance at finding it.”

“This ship is so big Kibum,” Jinki lifted his head to look at him. “The ring is lost.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. That ring meant so much to you. It was your father’s and you gave it to me and-” Jinki took a huge breath. “I’m sorry I lost it. I should have been more careful.”

Kibum cupped his cheek softly before kissing him warmly. Their noses brushed as he said with a smile, “I have you. You mean the most to me, Love.”

“You’ll always have me.” Jinki kissed him on his lips, a small smile pulling across his face. “I can’t wait until we dock in New York.”

“A life full of chances.” Kibum sighed happily before kissing him again. “I could kiss you forever.”

“I plan on holding you to that,”

Kibum laid back on the bed, hands behind his head, as he smiled, “Then come get them.”

“We have so many things we could be doing right now on this luxury ship,” Jinki chuckled as he moved over him, straddling his hips, “And you want to spend this beautiful day in here kissing me.”

“What can I say? I’m a simple man.”

-----

When Kibum opened the door Jinki was smiling, holding a bouquet of roses, “A dozen now isn’t overdoing it is it?”

“No,” He laughed as he leaned to press a kiss to Jinki’s cheek. “They’re beautiful, thank you.”

He was adjusting them in an old cookie jar turned vase as Jinki commented, “I have a big night planned for you.”

Kibum rose his eyebrow, “Should I be worried about being able to get up in the morning?”

Jinki snorted before getting serious. “There’s a great possibility.”

He gently took Jinki’s hand and smiled, “I guess let’s begin Baby.”

-----

“What…” The entire balcony of the restaurant was lit by candles. The river was just in front of them, beautifully reflecting the lights from the city. “Jinki, this is too much.”

Jinki’s hand was flat against Kibum’s lower back, leading him further in. “Nothing is too much for you.” His chair was pulled out for him and a kiss was pressed to his cheek after he was pushed back in. He felt speechless looking around. The white tablecloth, the twinkling lights hung around the windows leading back into the main part of the restaurant, the candles so beautifully lit, and the waiter pouring the wine into their glasses. “I hope red is fine.”

“I have no idea what to say- I..”

He chuckled before sipping his glass of wine. “It’s so very hard to make you speechless Babe.”

Kibum blushed over his wine glass, “It’s so beautiful. This must have cost a small fortune.”

Jinki reached into his coat pocket and laid a wrapped box in front of Kibum on his plate. “Happy Birthday Babe.”

“Jinki the dinner was more than enough. I can’t accept whatever this is.”

“Just open it.”

Kibum grumbled quietly as Jinki chuckled, slowly unwrapping the pretty blue wrapping paper. Inside was a white box, about 8 inches long and a few inches wide. Curious, he wiggled the top off and gasped when the reflective surface of the pen set could be seen. “Jinki..”

“For when you finally get to write out your next novel.” Jinki leaned on his palm, elbow placed lightly on the table as he gazed over at him.

“Let your dreams fly~” Kibum quietly read the engraving, “Thank you so much.”

“I’d kiss you, but my tie would land in the candles.” Kibum reached over to squeeze his hand laying on the table and Jinki beamed over at him. “It’s time for the first course.”

“First?”

Jinki snorted.

----

When Jinki stood in front of him and offered his hand Kibum groaned, “I am so full. I don’t think I can dance with you.”

“Come on,” Jinki tugged him up with a big laugh. Music was played through the speakers as he moved to rest his head against Kibum’s chest. His arms were wrapped around him as Kibum moved to hold him close.

He dipped his head to press his nose into Jinki’s neck, gently swaying to the music. “Thank you for tonight.”

Jinki’s body rumbled with his soft laughter. “Here’s to many more Kibum.”

He kissed his neck gently before squeezing him tightly for a moment. It was definitely better than the last birthday he had a boyfriend for, and one of his best birthdays ever.

----

The inside of his apartment was dark behind him through the small gap of the open door. Jinki’s lips were soft, plush and supple, his body warm and firm against him as Kibum pressed him against the frame around the door. His fingers were curling tightly in Kibum’s shirt on his lower back, tugging him as if he wasn’t as close as he could be. Kibum only parted from his lips far enough that he could whisper, “Stay.”

Jinki’s chest rose and fell heavily, eyes hazy as he looked from Kibum’s lips to his eyes, smiling. He didn’t say anything, just moved to lift Kibum’s hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to the back of his hand.

Kibum tugged him into the apartment, having to kick the door closed because his hands were too busy roaming Jinki’s form to be able to close it.

------

April 15th, Titanic 3rd class

The water was up to their ankles as they jogged down the hallway toward the entry point to the level above them. They heard the loud voices, the crying children, and the curses as they got closer. Kibum pushed through the people, his grip on Jinki’s wrist slipping as he moved closer to the metal gates. There were three men standing on the other side, trying to calm them down and keep them from pressing against the gate. “You must stay calm and orderly until it is your turn.”

“Bullshit!” Was yelled, hissed, as the mass of them pushed against the gates causing two of the men to hit their hands and arms to get them back.

Kibum felt warm fingers curling around his wrist and when he looked back in the mass of people behind him was Jinki, eyes sad and vulnerable as he tugged his arm a little. He followed the force easily, standing tall before his lover and looking down concerned. Jinki shook his head, pushing up to say into his ear. “There isn’t a turn for us. They’re locking us in to allow the first and second class to get the boats.”

“No, Love, that can’t be-”

It dawned on him that Jinki was right a few moments later as more people came from the halls in their life jackets and the gate was never opened. The water was slowly rising. He looked at the mothers holding small children, men pushing forward to try to save their families, and he knew. Jinki pulled away just enough to look at him in the eyes and when the man grabbed his hand Kibum didn’t need him to say anything to understand what he wanted. He followed him back towards their room, where the water was shallower than where they had been. Silently they climbed into the bottom bunk after locking the door, Jinki’s head pressed under Kibum’s chin, curled around each other.

“I’m so sorry,” Jinki breathed out, eyes squeezed shut as he pressed further into him. “We came on here because of me. I wanted to do this. This is all my fault.”

“Shh,” Kibum shifted to press a kiss to his hair, squeezing him tightly as he tried to ignore the sounds of the mass of people down the hall and the water rushing through the 3rd class. “This isn’t your fault. None of it is your fault.”

“We’ll see each other again, won’t we?” Jinki whispered.

Kibum’s lips were pressed to his hair for a long moment, “We always find each other Jinki. We always do.”

“I wish we had more time.” Jinki sucked in a huge breath, sorrow racking his frame with his soft sobs.

“Forever wouldn’t be enough time,” They held each other tighter as the water rushed into their room. “I love you.”

Jinki gasped out his reply as the temperature of the water reached them, “I love you more.”

Kibum was startled awake, chest heaving and eyes wide as he gasped for air. Jinki shifted from the other side of the bed. He turned, rubbing his eyes as he sleepily mumbled, “Kibum?” When he noticed that Kibum was leaning over the side of the bed gasping harshly for breath he kicked the covers off and crawled over to place a hand on the middle of his back. “Kibum! What’s wrong?”

“I can’t- I can’t catch my breath.”

“Close your eyes, focus on my voice,” Jinki rubbed his back as he softly spoke, “In, count to three and out.”

It took a few minutes, but eventually, his breathing went back to normal. He felt the fear, the panic of dying still in his chest. Jinki had gone to get him a glass of water after throwing on one of their boxers. The glass sat on the bedside table as he laid his head on Jinki’s chest as the man played with his hair soothingly. “I’m sorry for waking you up. It was just a really bad dream.”

“It’s okay.” Jinki kissed his hair gently, smiling warmly as his eyes fluttered closed and he kept his head pressed against his. “I’m here when you need me, Babe.”

Kibum shivered, causing Jinki to tug the blankets up to his shoulders. He could still feel the icy waters, the breath being taken from his lungs as he tried so hard to keep ahold of Jinki. He squeezed his eyes closed and begged for the images to disappear. Jinki held him tighter as if he could sense it was more than just a bad dream. He fell asleep a while after, Jinki holding him from behind. He held Jinki’s hand on his stomach and drifted off to sleep.

----

As Jinki moved around the room collecting his things Kibum hugged his pillow and pouted. “Do you have to leave so early?”

Jinki stopped jumping into his pants to walk over and lean down to give him a soft kiss. “I have plans with my sister at ten. I’ll be back tonight for part two of your birthday.”

“Jinki~” He whined causing Jinki to laugh at him.

“It’s just dinner in the bed of my truck up on one of the lookouts in the nature reserve just out of the city.” He finally managed to buckle his belt and beamed over at him. He gave Kibum one more kiss. “I’ll talk to you later Babe. I love you. I hope you enjoyed your birthday.”

“I did,” Kibum rolled onto his back and gave a soft, hazy smile. “I hope you enjoyed my birthday too.”

Jinki snorted, “I think the second time around signaled I enjoyed it very much.”

Kibum hummed, tugging him down by his wrist to sit on the bed. “Good.”

“I gotta go,” Jinki chuckled as Kibum’s long fingers moved up his arm, over his shoulder to curl around his neck to pull him down closer. A few more kisses and he finally pulled away, “One more and then I have to go.”

“So if I don’t kiss you one more time you can stay?”

“Nice try.”

His bottom lip jutted out as he mumbled. “I tried.”

Jinki kissed his pouty lips slowly before quickly moving out of Kibum’s reach. “Byeee~”

------

Jonghyun and Minho were seated in the living room, quietly eating while watching the morning news when Kibum finally shuffled out of his room. When they took notice of him slipping into the recliner after getting his coffee Minho teased, “Was it so bad he had to leave before you woke up?”

“Shut up,” Kibum mumbled halfheartedly.

Minho frowned, “Hey, I’m just teasing you.”

He shook his hand in his direction for a moment before it returned to the side of his mug. He was staring at the rippling liquid, images flashing of the water rushing in when Jonghyun’s voice brought his attention back. “Are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost Kibum.”

“Last night my titanic dream was finally concluded.” He licked his lips to wet them, avoiding looking at the two men, “And I was right. It ended in death. I woke up in a panic and didn’t know how to explain to Jinki why I couldn’t breathe after a fucking dream. That’s probably why he ran off.”

“Kibum,” Minho said softly, “What happened?”

“In the dream, we were 3rd class. They locked the gates allowing us out and-” Kibum took a harsh breath. His voice was soft and broken as he finished, “We accepted death instead of fighting. We drowned.”

“What did you tell Jinki?” Jonghyun quietly asked, legs brought up onto the couch cushion and plate laid on his lap as he focused entirely on Kibum.

“That is was just a bad dream.” Kibum sighed as he stared at his coffee for a long moment before placing it on the counter. He didn’t have much of a stomach for it. “I think tonight I’m going to tell him everything.”

“Everything?” Minho hesitantly asked. “Do you think that’s the best idea?”

“I love him a lot and I think it’s time I tell him.” Kibum leaned on his palm, elbow on the arm of the chair. “He may think I’m insane or whatever, but I don’t want to go even further in this relationship with these dreams plaguing me and him not knowing everything. It’s been six months. I can’t keep telling myself it’s too early to tell him such a thing anymore.”

“If you think it’s the best choice I’ll support you.” Minho smiled warmly.

Kibum flashed a quick, nervous smile his way. “Thanks.”

-----

“I still don’t wrap my head around the fact you have multiple cars.” Kibum comment as he climbed up into the bed of the pickup truck.

Jinki laughed quietly as he fluffed the extra pillows behind them. “I only have the two.”

“Uh huh.” Kibum nudged him when Jinki beamed. “The sky is really pretty tonight.”

“Not as pretty as you.”

“Oh my God Jinki.” Jinki looked super proud of himself. “How long have you been waiting to say that line?”

“Oh, just all of our relationship, no biggie.” He twisted a little and lifted up a cooler. “I packed sandwiches and there are beer and tiny bottles of wine.”

“I actually have something to tell you.” Jinki looked up from the cooler concerned as he slowly placed the six pack on the blanket between them.

“That’s a little spooky since I kind of have something to tell you too.” He scratched the back of his neck like he always did when he was nervous or shy. “But…I need to go first.”

“Okay.” Kibum smiled and softly adjusted himself in the pillows. He rose an eyebrow when Jinki popped the top off one of the beers and downed it quickly. “How bad is what you have to tell me?”

“Bad enough I was going to wait until I drove you home.” Jinki took a deep breath, eyes closed for a moment as he collected his thoughts, before they opened and he gave a small smile. “I love you a lot Kibum. You’re the first thing, Person, I’ve had for just myself. These last six months have meant so much to me and I know I should have told you this sooner, but I was selfish and I didn’t want to lose you.”

“What is it you have to tell me?”

“I’m married.” Jinki slowly answered. As the realization visibly descended over Kibum, he was quick to explain himself. “I don’t love her. I never did.”

“How does that make this better?” Kibum hissed. “You’re still cheating on her with me. I’m your fucking mistress.”

“No, no.” Kibum pushed off the bed of the truck and moved to leave, but Jinki raising his voice stopped him. “Dammit, Kibum sit here and listen to me.”

“Listen to what? How can you make the fact you’re married any better?”

“I didn’t marry her because I loved her.” Jinki ran his fingers through his hair, trying to get his emotions in check. He didn’t need to cry. “My sister was in love with her, but my parents would never have accepted her being gay and I wasn’t about to let my little sister be kicked out and disowned. I had to protect her and the only way I could think of was I told my parents the reason they were spending so much time together was that they were planning our wedding. I married her to protect my sister.”

Kibum softened a little, carefully sitting back down from where he was standing. “Then why are you still married? Why didn’t you tell me about it?”

“I’m still married because it was the safest option for her. She wasn’t out of school yet and she depended on our parents for her tuition, and I had no reason to be divorced. I didn’t have anyone that I’d need to be single for.” Jinki laid his head in his hands, elbows pressed into his thighs. “I met with my sister today to tell her I couldn’t do it anymore, that I loved you and wanted to be free to be with you completely. I guess it doesn’t matter. I’ve lost you by telling you.”

It was a few minutes before Kibum softly asked, “Who said you’ve lost me Jinki?”

When Jinki looked up he was as vulnerable as Kibum had ever seen him. His eyes were pink, cheeks damp, and he sniffled before saying. “I wouldn’t want to be with someone who lied to me like I did to you. Why would you want to be with me?”

“Because I love you.” Kibum tenderly said. He crossed the distance between them to cup Jinki’s jaw. “You did lie to me and it hurts, but I understand the reasoning behind your marriage and behind the deception. I can’t be angry at you for protecting your little sister Jinki. “

“Oh God,” Jinki gasped out, covering Kibum’s hand with his own as he turned to press a kiss to his palm. “I love you. I love you so much.”

“C’mere.” Jinki shuffled over, snuggling in as Kibum wrapped his arms around him and kissed his hair. “We’ll work things out, and we’ll do it together. Thank you for being honest with me.”

Jinki sucked in a ragged breath, sniffling harshly, before quietly asking, “What did you need to tell me?

“Well,” He took a deep breath and laughed anxiously. “That’s a long story.”

“I understand if you don’t want to tell me right now.”

“I need to. You were honest with me and I need to get this off my chest.” Kibum gently pushed him to make some space between them. He wiped Jinki’s tears from his cheeks with his thumbs before saying, “I’m just going to come out and tell you. For months before I ran into you, I had these dreams that just didn’t feel like they were only dreams. In each, the dreams swirled around the lives of two people that no matter what gender they were, I could feel they were the same people. It just so happened in many of them one of them was named Kibum and the other.. Jinki.” Kibum couldn’t look at him as he confessed. “I wrote them all down as soon as I woke up from them, hoping to somehow piece them together and make sense of it all. I thought that maybe it was just my overactive imagination running wild, but then I ran into you. You felt familiar even if I knew I had never met you before. I tried to put it to coincidence, but every moment I spent with you I felt for the first time in my life like I didn’t have something missing. You probably think I’m insane, telling you all this, but I love you without those dreams.”

He curled his fingers in his pants and sucked in a huge breath. “I’ve thought about telling you for so long, but I didn’t want to lose you. Every night it’s like I’m reliving lives, complete other lives where I lost you or you me, times when we were happy and others when I’d wake up and feel this big lump in my throat and dread in my chest. Regular dreams so ache for that long, you don’t feel or remember regular dreams as long as I have these. I remember every single detail of each, even the first one I had when I lost you to an arrow in the shoulder, all the way to the most recent. When I held you tight against my chest as the waters began rushing into our room on the Titanic. It feels so real, but it can’t be. Soulmates aren’t a thing.”

The pressure in his chest couldn’t be contained, his emotions spilling from him easily as he brought his knees up to his chest. He pressed his face into his crossed arms on them and let the tears fall. He felt the truck moving under him before he felt the soft hands moving to remove his arms from around his face. Kneeling there was Jinki. His eyes were warm and damp, as silent tears fell from them. He cupped Kibum’s cheeks gently after pushing his knees apart so he could move closer. Their lips melded together. When Kibum pushed back against him it was like something unlocked in them. They fell apart panting, eyes wide and hair amuck as they stared at the other.

All the memories, feelings, and sensations were coming back to them. When Jinki whispered his name all the emotion he was feeling could be felt through his voice. “Kibum?”

It was just a word. A single whispered call of his name, but Kibum could sense so much more than was unspoken. “You remember too?”

Jinki was crossing the small space between them quickly, nuzzling into his neck and wrapping his arms tightly around him. Kibum breathed in his scent deeply, wrapping his arms around him and pushing his fingers into his hair.

------

6 months later

Kibum was fixing his tie when he heard the gentle knock on the door. “Come in!”

In the reflection of the mirror Jinki’s little sister Taeyeon popped her head through the open door, eyes covered by her hand. “You’re decent right?”

“Yes.” He replied with a chuckle, letting go of the tie deeming it good enough.

She stepped all the way in, hand falling from over her eyes as she moved to close the door behind her. “You ready for this?”

“I’ve waited over a hundred years for a full life with him.” Kibum smoothed out his shirt nervously. “Is everything okay?”

“Oh yes.” She smiled widely. “I’ve never seen my brother so shaken before. He wasn’t even this nervous before his dissertation to get his Ph. D. He’s so in love with you. He gave up so much for me, to protect me, and I’m just so thankful and happy he found you.”

The glossiness of her eyes and the sound of her voice made him panic a little. “Oh no, Taeyeon please don’t cry.”

She shook her head while laughing quietly, “Yes, I have to save that for the ceremony. Come. We have to head to the dock.”

He grabbed the velvet box from the hotel room’s vanity and his coat before smiling. “Let’s go get me married.”

------

In front of Pier 54, New York City,

He caught a glimpse of Jinki when he turned the corner before Minho blocked his view. There was a lump in his throat as soon as the old gate came into view. This is where they would have docked if they survived on the Titanic. He twisted the small box between his fingers as he walked toward the edge near the very old gate. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and took in the smell of the water of the Hudson River. He was startled when he heard Jonghyun’s voice behind him. “It’s time Kibum.”

He let out a deep breath and turned with a smile, finding Jinki across the way. There were only handful of people in front of the dock that came with them. Jinki’s sister Taeyeon, her partner Soojung, Jonghyun and Minho, who would be completing the ceremony. Finally standing in front of Jinki, seeing how radiant he was, God, he was breathtaking. He almost couldn’t follow Minho’s words. “Do you take Lee Jinki to be your husband?”

“I do.” Jinki’s smile was so wide and bright as he gazed up at him.

“Do you take Kim Kibum to be your husband?”

“I do.” Jinki swallowed thickly after the words were said, tears forming on his lashes.

“Exchange rings, and you may kiss your new husband.” Minho quietly said, closing his small notebook he had his lines written in.

Jinki twisted to get the ring from his sister and Kibum handed the now empty box to Jonghyun to hold. He gently took Jinki’s left hand into his and smiled softly as he slipped on the ring. It took the man a moment to recognize it, but once he did his right hand was covering his mouth and nose, tears falling from his eyes in his shock. “I remember you were so upset over losing it on board. I told you that it would be found. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“Where- How?” He gasped out.

“There was a thrift shop downtown in Seoul. I have no idea how it got there from last being seen on board the Titanic, but it’s the ring. The inscription is the same.”

Jinki laughed at himself as he sniffled and wiped his eyes with the ends of his jacket, “I feel my ring for you doesn’t compare.”

Once the gold band was slipped onto his finger Kibum stepped forward, his right arm slipping behind his back to tug him close, noses brushing as he quietly whispered, “I love you.”

“I love you more.” Jinki’s lips quirked at the corners before he pressed forward, melding into Kibum easily.

From their very first lifetime when Jinki was an Angel and Kibum was half demon, to their most recent on the Titanic, they had found each other and fallen in love. Through the mess that is the space time continuum, the sands of time trickling down, they found each other.

#onkey #jinkibum #onew #key #shinee #hourglass au #listen I cut so much out of my plan to be able to finish this on time #I made such a monster rip me #I hope you like it1

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katya-is-here · 8 years ago

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Letters from Lance - Chapter 2

Hey guys! Thanks so much for your support with LETTERS FROM LANCE! I’m having a ton of fun writing it! I’ll also be posting this on AO3 and will have updates about it on Twitter! Feel free to follow me there too!

Many VLD characters show up in this chapter, like the Galra, etc., but since this is an AU feel free to picture them as humans too, or think of them as they are! This story can be viewed in many different ways because it’s really just Lance writing letters to you!

Be sure to also listen to Youth Lagoon while reading! And as always have an amazing day!

⬅ Read Chapter One

Summary: Lance gets a ton of text messages and some, oh no, were from Keith. Not bothering to answer him, he goes about his day, but as fate would have it ends up meeting the entire basketball team on the school rooftop.

Dear you,

Thank you for taking the time to read these letters. It makes me feel like someone out there actually gives a damn, without calling me a fool or idiot. Sure, I have weird puns and all, and yes, sometimes Pidge is right that I can get a bit ‘sexist’, but don’t ever think that I’m that kind of guy. Yeah, we all know what type of guy that is.

I slept through my alarm the next morning, waking up to a drooling Hunk. It was bad enough we had to share a bed because of his dream kicking and snoring. And he always complained about the crumbs I left hanging around after binge watching Netflix shows or some overly dramatic teen drama. Hey, can you blame me? Binge watching calls for an all-around snack fest.

“Hunk,” I mumbled, nudging him in the gut. “Dude, we overslept.”

Only one of Hunk’s eyes shot open. “Wha? Hm? Who’s there?”

I sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. I stretched and yawned. My breath tasted and smelt horrible. Last time I ever ate stale pizza rolls and coffee from the pot.

“When the heck are we going to ask the school prefects to get us another bed? I can’t live like this anymore.”

Hunk shot up from the bed, his hair all frizzed and curled. “No, no, no, no, NO!” he shouted. He grabbed his phone and looked at the time. 9:30 AM. He lunged over me and gathered his uniform and backpack. “I had an exam at 7:00!”

“Relaaax, dude.”

“Don’t DUDE me, Lance. NOT now!” He shoved his books into his bag and, believe it or not, still made everything look organized. He sighed. “Why didn’t you wake me up?”

I patted my stomach. “Damn I got a food baby.”

“LANCE!”

I shrugged and stood. “I dunno. You looked…peaceful.”

Hunk shook his head and threw on his uniform jacket.

“What?” I said teasingly, “No shower?”

“Ha, ha,” Hunk said, “Don’t use my tricks against me.” He looked at the clock on the wall. “You’re lucky I have a free period to make up this test.” He grabbed the doorknob. Stopped. “Oh, and Lance.”

“Hm?”

“Check your phone. You have about thirty new messages.”

I gasped. Hunk closed the door behind him leaving me alone with my phone. I turned on the phone and boy was he right. Bringing the phone closer to my eyes I read some of them. A chill ran down my spine when the name KEITH appeared. I skipped ahead.

SHIRO [6:00 AM]: Hey, Lance. It’s Shiro. I’ll be sending you daily links and little positive tidbits of advice on how to deal with your anxiety. It’s my job as the school counselor to make sure every student at the academy gets special attention. As Toy Story says, “You’ve got a friend in me”. Talk later. –Shiro

I laughed at his dad-like text messages. And I thought my puns were bad. I scrolled through the messages.

ALLURA [8:09 AM]: Lance, make sure you return my notes on Quantum Physics today and my collectors addition of The Hunger Games. And please, no more flirty pick-up lines. They aren’t amusing. Good day.

Under the stacks of clothes and papers were Allura’s books, but I didn’t have the motivation to find them. I typed.

LANCE [9:39 AM]: You must be a hell of a thief because you stole my heart from across the room.

ALLURA [9:40 AM]: Funny, Lance. Just please return them.

LANCE [9:40 AM]: No sweat, sweetie.

ALLURA [9:40 AM]: Don’t make me hit you.

A bunch of other messages were from my parents, spam, and even my naggy professors urging me to get my papers turned in on time. I read them all, taking about fifteen minutes, but then stopped. For five more minutes I just stared at KEITH’s name. Hands trembling, I opened it:

KEITH [Yesterday 11:12 PM]: Look I know u don’t want to talk to me or hell even see me but we can’t leave things like this. It’s awkward for both of us. I mean what r u just gonna ignore me in the halls? Or what about English Lit? What if we get paired up or something?

KEITH [Yesterday 11:20 PM]: I can’t do this Lance. Missing u is shit

KEITH [Yesterday 11:21 PM]: Don’t you even remember our bonding moments?

KEITH [Yesterday 11:21 PM]: Don’t answer that

KEITH [Yesterday 11:22 PM]: Whatever.

The period in the messages made my stomach churn. He was pissed. I turned off my phone, not even caring if he knew I read the messages and got ready for the day. This time, I took a shower.

___

Lunch was the usual cafeteria slop that they expected us to survive on for hours. I sat up on the school’s roof, staring down at all the students. On the track, Pidge was running with her classmates, beating them with her tactical pursuits. Shay, Hunk’s biggest fan and hopefully soon-to-be girlfriend, ran right behind Pidge, supporting her in whatever relay they were doing.

I leaned against the railing, sipping at an orange juice box and sighed. Wind whistled through my hair. The breeze was cool and nice. The roof’s door opened behind me. I chuckled. Must’ve been Hunk.

“’Aight big guy, I need to apologize for this─”

The wind blew again. I turned. Keith and his basketball team walked onto the roof, stacks and bags of food loaded up under their arms. Sendak, the team’s captain, shoved Keith forward. The other team members, Prorok, Morvok, Throk, Haxus, Thace and Myzax surrounded him, grinning.

I didn’t bother to hide like a little damsel this time. Instead I leaned against the railing and watched the team banter, groan and complain about Coach Zarkon’s training.

“Keith,” Sendak started.

Keith looked up, all raggedy and tired looking. “Hm?”

“Team Galra can’t afford to lose a game. We’re going to make it to nationals if it kills me.”

Keith pouted. “Don’t make me punch you.”

The team ‘oooohed’ at him, making mocking faces.

“All of you,” Keith mumbled.

Sendak grabbed Keith by the collar of his shirt and groaned. “Nothing will stop me from winning these games but victory or death."

Keith shoved away. “It’s just a game, SENDAK!”

Sendak whacked Keith across the face and spat. He smirked. “Coach Zarkon wouldn’t agree, now would he Keithy-boy.”

“Well hiya, fellas!” I shouted.

Sendak dropped Keith and raised a brow. “Who the fuck are you?”

Keith’s eyes widened, trembling.

“McClain,” I said, “Lance McClain.”

Prorok cracked his knuckles. I smirked.

“No need for a fight, boys,” I said, “You don’t want to tarnish your famed reputation now do you?”

Sendak laughed. “Like it would matter if we fucked up your face.”

I folded my arms. “Wanna go? I’ll take you on.”

Sendak pushed forward. Keith shot out his arm.

“Oh, you don’t want to get in between this Keithy-boy.”

Keith shook his head. Eyes on me. “No. Let me do it.”

“What?” the team gasped.

He looked up at Sendak. “If I get in trouble for this it wouldn’t matter. It’s expected from me to be some kind of badass ruffian anyway.”

Sendak folded his arms. “Well, looks like you’re actually looking out for me, kid.”

Keith shrugged. “As if. I’m just not risking the whole team because of your temper issues.”

Sendak scowled.

Keith cracked his neck and threw off his jacket. Rolling up his sleeves he approached me. Brows furrowed. “Let’s go, McClain.”

I pouted my lip. “We seriously going to do this right now?”

Keith got into a defensive positon and raised his fists. “NOW!”

I jumped and dropped my jacket to the ground. “Persistent bitch,” I mumbled.

Keith swung at me first, his fist socking against my chin. I fell back against the railing. Gasped.

“W…wait, you’re serious about this?”

Keith swung again. I dodged and screamed. Almost tripping I raised my fists. “C’mon idiot, you know I can’t fight!”

Keith shouted and lunged at me. He pinned me to the ground and kept pounding at my chest. I spat.

“Ah! Ouch, dude!”

Fist to face he kept pounding me.

“Hey!” someone shouted.

Keith didn’t stop. My cheeks bruised. I spat up some blood.

“HEY!”

Someone grabbed Keith’s wrists. Through my hazy eyes, I saw Shiro standing there, his hand clasped around Keith’s forearm.

“Enough! Both of you!” his voice was low and serious.

I sighed in relief and looked back up at Keith. His eyes were focused on me. His breath unsteady. I focused on my own breathing and closed my eyes.

___

“This is completely unacceptable!” Shiro shouted, pacing back and forth in his office.

Keith and I sat side by side, arms folded and backs slouched.

Shiro slammed his palms onto the table and stared at us, serious, but with a patient gaze. “You two can’t fight like that on public property. Especially at a school. Do you WANT to get expelled?”

I shrugged. “He started it.”

Keith almost fell out of his chair. “I started─ If I didn’t jump into that fight Sendak would have KILLED you. I fucking saved your life, you moron!”

“Saved my life, huh? You were just trying to show off to your captain!”

“I did it for YOU!”

“Exactly. You did it for you.”

Keith grabbed my collar.

“ENOUGH!” Shiro shouted.

We broke off of each other.

Shiro rubbed his nose bone, his scar standing out to us. “Now I don’t care what kind of angst you two have with each other, but please, enough with this bickering. Go back to class and don’t even think about starting another fight in the halls because I will expel the both of you myself.”

“Yes, sir,” we mumbled.

Shiro gave us both passes and we left the room. The halls flooded with the everyday faces of freshman, sophomores, juniors and seniors. And, of course, the occasional class pet. Keith looked at his pass and crumbled it up. He shoved his hands into his pockets and headed for the door.

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“I gotta get outta this hellhole.”

I grabbed his shoulder and turned him around. A chill ran up my spine. I tore away. He looked…nice without his mullet.

“What?” he groaned.

I blushed and scratched the back of my head. “Th…thanks, I guess.”

The bell rang. Keith walked closer to me. I felt…warm, kind of captured by his gaze.

“You really are weak,” he teased.

I tensed. “Oh stop patting yourself on the back, stupid! Next time I’ll beat your ass for sure.”

“Next time?” Keith asked.

My face heated. Throat choked up and palms sweating I gasped. “I…no. It’s not like I’m gonna see you again, ‘er anything.”

Keith took out his phone. Showed it to me. “You read the messages?”

I nodded and looked away. “So?”

A few students walked by, looked at us and giggled. I winked at a cute girl.

Keith sighed. “Hey, focus.”

I pouted. “Hm?”

He shoved the phone in my face.

“I can see, y’know?”

He sighed. “I wanted to say sorry.”

“For?”

“I was drunk.” He rubbed at his neck. A habit of his.

“What?”

“I went to some college party with Sendak and the guys and ended up drunk texting you. Sorry if it got weird.”

I looked at the phone. So he didn’t intentionally text me? My heart sunk to my toes. Wait. Why did I care? “Yeah, kinda weird.”

Keith facepalmed. “I’m such an idiot.”

“Yeah.”

He scowled at me. “Not helping the situation, Lance.”

Students rushed through the halls, hurrying to their next class. Shay, whose books and papers were falling all over the place rammed into Keith so hard that we both tripped. We fell behind a janitor’s rack of supplies. Keith hovered over me, his nose brushing against mine. We stared at one another for what felt like…forever. His eyes were wide, watching me.

I blushed even harder. His heat mixed with mine.

The bell RANG.

Keith sat up and looked at his watch. “S…so again, sorry about whatever the hell I sent you. Won’t happen again.”

I nodded, in a daze. “’Kay.”

When my thoughts came back to me, I noticed Keith was blushing too. It was so embarrassing. I wanted to curl up into a little ball and hide.

“Hey, uh, Lance.”

“Y…yes?” My voice cracked.

Keith helped me to my feet. He looked like he kept getting shorter every time I saw him.

“Always be prepared for a fight.”

I looked down at him. “Pfft, sheesh, you talk like I don’t know how to─”

“LANCE MCCLAIN!” someone shouted. Keith and I jumped. In front of the janitor’s rack was Allura, hands on her tips, lips scowling. She raised a finger and took a deep breath.

“Ack!” I shouted. “Your books.”

“Yes, sir, my books is right.” She went up to me and pulled my cheek. I squirmed. “I’m going to walk you back to your dorm and you BETTER get them ready for me.”

I nodded. “Yeah, yeah. I walked down the halls with Allura and looked back at Keith. Rubbing my pinched cheek I stopped.

“Lance?” Allura mumbled.

Keith, for the first time in forever, smiled.

“Earth to Lance,” Allura said.

“Hm?” I looked back at her. “Yes, babe?”

She whacked me over the head.

“Ow.”

I threw my hands behind my head and felt kinda happy. My phone rang. I picked it up.

SHIRO: Work things out with him, okay? – Shiro

Click.

#klance #klance fanfic #klance fan fic #klance fan fiction #vld #voltron #voltron legendary defender #vld fanfic #voltron fanfic #klance fic #letters from lance #my writing

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douglassmiith · 5 years ago

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Smashing Podcast Episode 13 With Laura Kalbag: What Is Online Privacy?

About The Author

Drew is a director at edgeofmyseat.com, co-founder of Notist and lead developer for small content management system Perch. Prior to this, he was a Web Developer … More about Drew McLellan …

In this episode of the Smashing Podcast we’re talking about online privacy. What should web developers be doing to make sure the privacy of our users is maintained? Drew McLellan talks to an expert on the subject, Laura Kalbag, to find out.

In this episode of the Smashing Podcast, we’re talking about online privacy. What should web developers be doing to make sure the privacy of our users is maintained? I spoke to Laura Kalbag to find out.

Show Notes

Weekly Update

Transcript

Drew McLellan: She’s a designer from the UK, but now based in Ireland, she’s co-founder of the Small Technology Foundation. You’ll often find her talking about rights-respecting design, accessibility and inclusivity, privacy, and web design and development, both on her personal website and with publications such as Smashing magazine. She’s the author of the book Accessibility for Everyone from A Book Apart. And with the Small Technology Foundation, she’s part of the team behind Better Blocker, a tracking blocker tool for Safari on iOS and Mac. So we know she’s an expert in inclusive design and online privacy, but did you know she took Paris Fashion Week by storm wearing a kilt made out of spaghetti. My Smashing friends, please welcome Laura Kalbag.

Laura Kalbag: Hello.

Drew: Hello Laura, how are you?

Laura: I am smashing.

Drew: I wanted to talk to you today about the topic of online privacy and the challenges around being an active participant online without seeding too much of your privacy and personal data to companies who may or may not be trustworthy. This is an area that you think about a lot, isn’t it?

Laura: Yeah. And I don’t just think about the role of us as consumers in that, but also as people who work on the web, our role in actually doing it and how much we’re actually making that a problem for the rest of society as well.

Drew: As a web developer growing up in the ‘90s as I did, for me maintaining an active presence online involved basically building and updating my own website. Essentially, it was distributed technology but it was under my control. And these days it seems like it’s more about posting on centralized commercially operated platforms such as Twitter and Facebook, the obvious ones. That’s a really big shift in how we publish stuff online. Is it a problem?

Laura: Yeah. And I think we have gone far away from those decentralized distributed ways of posting on our own websites. And the problem is that we are essentially posting everything on somebody else’s website. And not only does that mean that we’re subject to their rules, which in some cases is a good thing, you don’t necessarily want to be on a website that is full of spam, full of trolls, full of Nazi content, we don’t want to be experiencing that. But also we have no control over whether we get kicked off, whether they decide to censor us in any way. But also everything underlying on that platform. So whether that platform is knowing where we are at all times because it’s picking up on our location. Whether it is reading our private messages because if it’s not end-to-end encrypted, if we’re sending direct messages to each other, that could be accessed by the company.

Laura: Whether it’s actively, so whether people working there could actually just read your messages. Or passively, where they are just sucking up the stuff from inside your messages and using that to build profiles about you, which they can then use to target you with ads and stuff like that. Or even combine that information with other datasets and sell that on to other people as well.

Drew: It can be quite terrifying, can’t it? Have what you considered to be a private message with somebody on a platform like Facebook, using Facebook Messenger, and find the things you’ve mentioned in a conversation then used to target ads towards you. It’s not something you think you’ve shared but it is something you’ve shared with the platform.

Laura: And I have a classic example of this that happened to me a few years ago. So, I was on Facebook, and my mom had just died, and I was getting ads for funeral directors. And I thought is was really strange because none of my family had said anything on a social media platform at that point, none of my family had said anything on Facebook because we’d agreed that no one wants to find out that kind of thing about a friend or family member via Facebook so we’d not say about it. And then, so I asked my siblings, “Have any of you said anything on Facebook that might cause this strange?” Because I just usually just get ads for make-up, and dresses, and pregnancy tests, and all those fun things they like to target women of a certain age. And my sister got back to me, she said, “Well, yeah, my friend lives in Australia so I sent her a message on Messenger, Facebook Messenger, and told her that our mom had died.”

Laura: And of course Facebook knew that we’re sisters, it has that relationship connection that you can choose to add on there, it could probably guess we were sisters anyway by the locations we’ve been together, the fact that we share a surname. And decided that’s an appropriate ad to put in her feed.

Drew: It’s sobering, isn’t it? To think that technology is making these decisions for us that actually affects people, potentially in this example, in quite a sensitive or vulnerable time.

Laura: Yeah. We say it’s creepy, but a lot of the time people say it’s almost like the microphone on my phone or my laptop was listening to me because I was just having this conversation about this particular product and suddenly it’s appearing in my feed everywhere. And I think what’s actually scary is the fact that most of them don’t have access to your microphone, but it’s the fact that your other behaviors, your search, the fact that it knows who you’re talking to because of your proximity to each other and your location on your devices. It can connect all of those things that we might not connect ourselves together in order to say, maybe they’ll be interested in this product because they’ll probably think you’re talking about it already.

Drew: And of course, it’s not as simple as just rolling back the clock and going back to a time where if you wanted to be online, you had to create your own website because there’s technical barriers to that, there’s cost barriers. And you only need to look at the explosion of things like sharing video online, there’s not an easy way to share a video online in the same way you can just by putting it on YouTube, or uploading it to Facebook, or onto Twitter, there are technical challenges there.

Laura: It’s not fair to blame anyone for it because using the web today and using these platforms today is part of participating in society. You can’t help it if your school has a Facebook group for all the parents. You can’t help it if you have to use a website that, in order to get some vital information. It’s part of our infrastructure now, particularly nowadays when everyone is suddenly relying video calling and things like that so much more. These are our infrastructure, they are as used and as important as our roads, as our utilities, so we need to have them treated accordingly. And we can’t blame people for using them, especially if there aren’t any alternatives that are better.

Drew: When the suggestion is using these big platforms that it’s easy and it’s free, but is it free?

Laura: No, because you’re paying with your personal information. And I hear a lot of developers saying things like, “Oh well, I’m not interesting, I don’t really care, it’s not really a problem for me.” And we have to think about the fact that we’re often in quite a privileged group. What about people that are more vulnerable? We think about people who have parts of their identity that they don’t necessarily want to share publicly, they don’t want to be outed by platforms to their employers, to their government. People who are in domestic abuse situations, we think about people who are scared of their governments and don’t want to spied on. That’s a huge number of people across the world, we can’t just say, “Oh well, it’s fine for me, so it has to be fine for everybody else,” it’s just not fair.

Drew: It doesn’t have to be a very big issue you’re trying to conceal from the world to be worried about what a platform might share about you.

Laura: Yeah. And the whole thing about privacy is that it isn’t about having something to hide, it’s about choosing what you want to share. So you might not feel like you have anything in particular that you want to hide, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you put a camera in your bedroom and broadcast it 24 hours, there’s things we do and don’t want to share.

Drew: Because there are risks as well in sharing social content, things like pictures of family and friends. That we could be sacrificing other peoples privacy without them really being aware, is that a risk?

Laura: Yeah. And I think that that applies to a lot of different things as well. So it’s not just if you’re uploading things of people you know and then they’re being added to facial recognition databases, which is happening quite a lot of the time. These very dodgy databases, they’ll scrape social media sites to make their facial recognition databases. So Clearview is an example of a company that’s done that, they’ve scraped images off Facebook and used those. But also things like email, you might choose… I’m not going to use Gmail because I don’t want Google to have access to everything in my email, which is everything I’ve signed up for, every event I’m attending, all of my personal communication, so I decide not to use it. But if I’m communicating with someone who uses Gmail, well, they’ve made that decision on my behalf, that everything I email them will be shared with Google.

Drew: You say that, often from a privileged position, we think okay, we’re getting all this technology, all these platforms are being given to us for free, we’re not having to pay for it, all we got to do is… We’re giving up a little bit of privacy, but that’s okay, that’s an acceptable trade-off. But is it an acceptable trade-off?

Laura: No. It’s certainly not an acceptable trade-off. But I think it’s also because you don’t necessarily immediately see the harms that are caused by giving these things up. You might feel like you’re in a safe situation today, but you may not be tomorrow. I think a good example is Facebook, they’ve actually got a pattern for approving or disproving loans based on the financial status of your friends on Facebook. So thinking, oh well, if your friend owes lots of money, and a lot of your friends owes lots of money, you’re more likely to be in that same situation as them. So all these systems, all of these algorithms, they are making decisions and influencing our lives and we have no say on them. So it’s not necessarily about what we’re choosing to share and what we’re choosing not to share in terms of something we put in a status, or a photo, or a video, but it’s also about all of this information that is derived about us from our activity on these platforms.

Laura: Things about our locations or whether we have a tendency to be out late at night, the kinds of people that we tend to spend our time with, all of this information can be collected by these platforms too and then they’ll make decisions about us based on that information. And we not only don’t have access to what’s being derived about us, we have no way of seeing it, we have no way of changing it, we have no way of removing it, bar a few things that we could do if we’re in the EU based on GDPR, if you’re in California based on their regulation there that you can go in and ask companies what data they have on you and ask them to delete it. But then what data counts under that situation? Just the data they’ve collected about you? What about the data they’ve derived and created by combining your information with other people’s information and the categories they’ve put you in, things like that. We have no transparency on that information.

Drew: People might say that this is paranoia, this is tinfoil hat stuff. And really all that these companies are doing is collecting data to show us different ads. And okay, there’s the potential for these other things, but they’re not actually doing that. All they’re doing is just tailoring ads to us. Is that the case or is this data actually actively being used in more malicious ways than just showing ads?

Laura: No. We’ve seen in many, many occasions how this information is being used in ways other than just ads. And even if one company decides to just collect it based on ads, they then later might get sold to or acquired by an organization that decides to do something different with that data and that’s parts of the problem with collecting the data at all in the first place. And it’s also a big risk to things like hacking, if you’re creating a big centralized database with people’s information, their phone numbers, their email addresses, even just the most simple stuff, that’s really juicy data for hackers. And that’s why we see massive scale hacks that result in a lot of people’s personal information ending up being publicly available. It’s because a company decided it was a good idea to collect of that information in one place in the first place.

Drew: Are there ways then that we can use these platforms, interact with friends and family that are also on these platforms, Facebook is the obvious example where you might have friends and family all over the world and Facebook is the place where they communicate. Are there ways that you can participate in that and not be giving up privacy or is it just something that if you want to be on that platform, you just have to accept?

Laura: I think there’s different layers, depending on what we would call your threat model is. So depending how vulnerable you are, but also your friends and family, and what your options are. So yeah, the ultimate thing is to not use these platforms at all. But if you do, try to use them more than they use you. So if you have things that you’re communicating one-on-one, don’t use Messenger for that because there are plenty of alternatives for one-on-one direct communication that can be end-to-end encrypted or is private and you don’t have to worry about Facebook listening in on it. And there’s not really much you can do about things like sharing your location data and stuff like that, which is really valuable information. It’s all of your meta information that’s so valuable, it’s not even necessarily the content of what you’re saying, but who you’re with and where you are when you’re saying it. That’s the kind of stuff that’s useful that companies would use to put you in different categories and be able to sell things to you accordingly or group you accordingly.

Laura: So I think we can try to use them as little as possible. I think it’s important to seek alternatives, particularly if you’re a person who is more technically savvy in your group of friends and family, you can always encourage other people to join other things as well to have. So use Wire for messaging, that’s a nice little platform that’s available in lots of places and is private. Or Signal is another option that’s just like WhatsApp but it’s end-to-end encrypted as well. And if you can be that person, I think there’s two points that we have to really forget about. One, is the idea that everyone needs to be on a platform for it to be valuable. The benefit is that everyone’s on Facebook, that’s actually the downside as well, that everyone’s on Facebook. You don’t need everyone you know to suddenly be on the same platform as you. As long as you have those few people you want to communicate with regularly on a better platform, that’s a really good start.

Laura: And the other thing that we need to embrace, we’re not going to find an alternative to a particular platform that does everything that platform does as well. You’re not going to find an alternative to Facebook that does messaging, that has status updates, that has groups, that has events, that has live, that has all of this stuff. Because the reason Facebook can do that is because Facebook is massive, Facebook has these resources, Facebook has a business model that really makes a lot out of all that data and so it’s really beneficial to provide all those services to you. And so we have to change our expectations and maybe be like, “Well okay, what’s the one function I need? To be able to share a photo. Well, let’s find the thing that I can do that will help me just share that photo.” And not be expecting just another great big company to do the right thing for us.

Drew: Is this something that RSS can help us with? I tend to think RSS is the solution to most problems, but I was thinking here if you have a service for photo sharing, and something else for status updates, and something else for all these different things is RSS the solution that brings it all together to create a virtual… That encompasses all these services?

Laura: I’m with you on that for lots of things. I, myself, I’ve built into my own site, I have a section for photos, a section for status updates, as well as my blog and stuff. So that I can allow people to, if they don’t follow me on social media platforms, if I’m posting the same stuff to my site, they can use RSS to access it and they’re not putting themselves at risk. And that’s one of the ways that I see as just a fairly ordinary designer/developer that I can not force other people to use those platforms in order to join in with me. And RSS is really good for that. RSS can have tracking, I think people can do stuff with it, but it’s rare and it’s not the point of it. That’s what I think RSS is a really good standard for.

Drew: As a web developer, I’m aware when I’m building sites that I’m frequently being required to add JavaScript from Google for things like analytics or ads, and from Facebook for like and share actions, and all that sort of thing, and from various other places, Twitter, and you name it. Are those something that we need to worry about in terms of developers or as users of the web? That there’s this code executing that it’s origin is on Google.com or Facebook.com?

Laura: Yes. Absolutely. I think Google is a good example here of things like web fonts and libraries and stuff like that. So people are encouraged to use them because they’re told well, it’s going to very performant, it’s on Google servers, Google will grab it from the closest part of the world, you’ll have a brilliant site just by using, say a font off Google rather than embedding it, self-hosting it on your own site. There’s a reason why Google offers up all of those fonts for free and it’s not out of the goodness of their Googley little hearts, it is because they get something out of it. And what they get is, they get access to your visitors on your website when you include their script on your website. So I think it’s not just something we should be worried about as developers, I think that it’s our responsibility to know what our site is doing and know what a third party script is doing or could do, because they could change it and you don’t necessarily have control over that as well. Know what their privacy policies are and things like that before we use them.

Laura: And ideally, don’t use them at all. If we can self-host things, self-host things, a lot of the time it’s easier. If we don’t need to provide a login with Google or Facebook, don’t do it. I think we can be the gatekeepers in this situation. We as the people who have the knowledge and the skills in this area, we can be the ones that can go back to our bosses or our managers and say, “Look, we can provide this login with Facebook or we could build our own login, it will be private, it would be safer. Yeah, it might take a little bit more work but actually we’ll be able to instill more trust in what we’re building because we don’t have that association with Facebook.” Because what we’re seeing now, over time, is that even mainstream media is starting to catch up with the downsides of Facebook, and Google, and these other organizations.

Laura: And so we end up being guilty by association even if we’re just trying to make the user experience easier by adding a login where someone doesn’t have to create a new username and password. And so I think we really do need to take that responsibility and a lot of it is about valuing people’s rights and respecting their rights and their privacy over our own convenience. Because of course it’s going to be much quicker just to add that script to the page, just to add another package in without investigating what it actually does. We’re giving up a lot when we do that and I think that we need to take responsibility not to.

Drew: As web developers are there other things that we should be looking out for when it comes to protecting the privacy of our own customers in the things that we build?

Laura: We shouldn’t be collecting data at all. And I think most of the time, you can avoid it. Analytics is one of my biggest bugbears because I think that a lot of people get all these analytics scripts, all these scripts that can see what people are doing on your website and give you insights and things like that, but I don’t think we use them particularly well. I think we use them to confirm our own assumptions and all we’re being taught about is what is already on our site. It’s not telling us anything that research and actually talking to people who use our websites… We could really benefit more from that than just looking at some numbers go up and down, and guessing what the effect of that is or why it’s happening. So I think that we need to be more cautious around anything that we’re putting on our sites and anything that we’re collecting. And I think nowadays we’re also looking at regulatory and legal risks as well when we’re starting to collect people’s data.

Laura: Because when we look at things like the GDPR, we’re very restricted in what we are allowed to collect and the reasons why we’re allowed to collect it. And that’s why we’re getting all of these consent notifications and things like that coming up now. Because companies have to have your explicit consent for collecting any data that is not associated with vital function for the website. So if you’re using something like a login, you don’t need to get permission to store someone’s email and password for a login because that is implied by logging in, you need that. But things like analytics and stuff like that, you actually need to get explicit consent in order to be able to spy on the people visiting the website. So this is why we see all of these consent boxes, this is why we should actually be including them on our websites if we’re using analytics and other tools that are collecting data that aren’t vital to the functioning of the page.

Drew: I think about some of even just the side projects and things that I’ve launched, that just almost as a matter of routine I’ve put Google analytics on there. I think, “Oh, I need to track how many people are visiting.” And then I either never look at it or I only look at it to gain an understanding of the same things that I could’ve just got from server logs like we used to do in the old days, just by crunching over their web access logs.

Laura: Exactly. And yet Google is sitting there going, “Thank you very much.” Because you’ve instilled another input for them on the website. And I think once you start thinking about it, once you adjust your brain to taking this other way of looking at it, it’s much easier to start seeing the vulnerabilities. But we do have to train ourselves to think in that way, to think about how can we harm people with what we’re building, who could lose out from this, and try to build things that are a bit more considerate of people.

Drew: There’s an example, actually, that I can think of where Google analytics itself was used to breach somebody’s privacy. And that was the author of Belle de Jour, The Secret Diary of a Call Girl, who was a London call girl who kept a blog for years and it was all completely anonymous. And she diarized her daily life. And it was incredibly successful, and it became a book, and a TV series, and what have you. She was intending to be completely anonymous, but she was eventually found out. Her identity was revealed because she used the same Google analytics tracking user id on her personal blog where she was her professional self and on the call girl blog as well. And that’s how she was identified, just-

Laura: So she did it to herself in that way as well.

Drew: She did it to herself. Yeah. She leaked personal data there that she didn’t mean to leak. She didn’t even know it was personal data, I suspect. There are so many implications that you just don’t think of. And so I think it pays to start thinking of it.

Laura: Yeah. And not doing things because you feel that that’s what we always did, and that’s what we always do, or that’s what this other organization that I admire, they do it, so I should, I think. And a lot of the time it is about being a bit more restrictive and maybe not jumping on the bandwagon of I’m going to use this service like everybody else is. And stopping, reading their privacy policy, which is not something I recommend doing for fun, because it’s really tedious, and I have to do a lot of it when I’m looking into trackers for Better. But you can see a lot of red flags if you read privacy policies. You see the kinds of language that means that they’re trying to make it free and easy for them to do whatever they want with your information. And there’s a reason why I say to designers and developers, if you’re making your own projects, don’t just copy the privacy policy from somebody else. Because you might be opening yourself up to more issues and you might actually be making yourself look suspicious.

Laura: It’s much better to be transparent and clear about what you’re doing, everything doesn’t need to be written in legal ease in order for you to be clear about what you’re doing with people’s information.

Drew: So, in almost anything, people say that the solution to it is to use the JAMstack. Is the JAMstack a solution, is it a good answer, is it going to help us out of accidentally breaching the privacy of our customers?

Laura: There’s a lot of stuff I like about the JAMstack stuff, but I would say I like the “JMstack”, because it’s the APIs bit that worries me. Because if we’re taking control over our own sites, we’re building static sites, and we’re generating it all on our machines, and we’re not using servers, and that’s great that we’ve taken away a lot potential issues there. But then if we’re adding back in all of the third party functionality using APIs, we may as well be adding script tags to our pages all over again. We may as well have it on somebody else’s platform. Because we’re losing that control again. Because every time we’re adding something from a third party, we’re losing control over a little bit of our site. So I think that a lot of static site generators and things like that have a lot of value, but we still need to be cautious.

Laura: And I think one of the reasons why we love the jam stack stuff because again, it’s allowed us to knock up a site really quickly, deploy it really quickly, have a development environment set up really quickly, and we’re valuing again, our developer experience over that of the people that are using the websites.

Drew: So I guess the key there is to just be hyperaware of what every API you’re using is doing. What data you could be sending to them, what their individual privacy policies are.

Laura: Yeah. And I think we have to be cautious about being loyal to companies. We might have people that we are friends with and think are great and things like that, that are working for these companies. We might that they are producing some good work, they’re doing good blogs, they’re introducing some interesting new technologies into the world. But at the end of the day, businesses are businesses. And they all have business models. And we have to know what are their business models. How are they making their money? Who is behind the money? Because a lot of venture capital backed organizations end up having to deal in personal data, and profiling, and things like that, because it’s an easy way to make money. And it is hard to build a sustainable business on technology, particularly if you’re not selling a physical product, it’s really hard to make a business sustainable. And if an organization has taken a huge amount of money and they’re paying a huge amount of employees, they’ve got to make some money back somehow.

Laura: And that’s what we’re seeing now is, so many businesses doing what Shoshana Zuboff refers to as surveillance capitalism, tracking people, profiling them, and monetizing that information because it’s the easiest way to make money on the web. And I think that the rest of us have to try to resist it because it can be very tempting to jump in and do what everyone else is doing and make big money, and make a big name. But I think that we’re realizing too slowly the impact that that has on the rest of our society. The fact that Cambridge Analytica only came about because Facebook was collecting massive amounts of people’s information and Cambridge Analytica was just using that information in order to target people with, essentially, propaganda in order to make referendums and elections of their way. And that’s terrifying, that’s a really scary effect that’s come out of what you might think is an innocuous little banner ad.

Drew: Professionally, many people are transitioning into building client sites or helping their clients to build their own sites on platforms like Squarespace and that sort of thing, online site builders where sites are then completely hosted on that service. Is that an area that they should also be worried about in terms of privacy?

Laura: Yeah. Because you’re very much subject to the privacy policies of those platforms. And while a lot of them are paid platforms, so just because it’s a platform doesn’t necessarily mean that they are tracking you. But the inverse is also true, just because you’re paying for it, doesn’t mean they’re not tracking you. I’d use Spotify as an example of this. People pay Spotify a lot of money for their accounts. And Spotify does that brilliant thing where it shows off how much it’s tracking you by telling people all of this incredible information about them on a yearly basis, and giving them playlists for their moods, and things like that. And then you realize, oh, actually, Spotify knows what my mood is because I’m listening to a playlist that’s made for this mood that I’m in. And Spotify is with me when I’m exercising. And Spotify knows when I’m working. And Spotify knows when I’m trying to sleep. And whatever other playlists you’ve set up for it, whatever other activities you’ve done.

Laura: So I think we just have to look at everything that a business is doing in order to work out whether it’s a threat to us and really treat everything as though it could possibly cause harm to us, and use it carefully.

Drew: You’ve got a fantastic personal website where you collate all the things that you’re working on and things that you share socially. I see that your site is built using Site.js. What’s that?

Laura: Yes. So it’s something that we’ve been building. So what we do at the Small Technology Foundation, or what we did when we were called Ind.ie, which was the UK version of the Small Technology Foundation, is that we’re tying to work on how do we help in this situation. How do we help in a world where technology is not respecting people’s rights? And we’re a couple of designers and developers, so what is our skills? And the way we see it is we have to do a few different things. We have to first of all, prevent some of the worst harms if we can. And one of the ways we do that is having a tracker blocker, so it’s something that blocks trackers on the web, with their browser. And another thing we do is, we try to help inform things like regulation, and we campaign for better regulation and well informed regulation that is not encouraging authoritarian governments and is trying to restrict businesses from collecting people’s personal information.

Laura: And the other thing we can do is, we can try to build alternatives. Because one of the biggest problems with technology and with the web today is that there’s not actually much choice when you want to build something. A lot of things are built in the same way. And we’ve been looking at different ways of doing this for quite a few years now. And the idea behind Site.js is to make it really easy to build and deploy a personal website that is secure, has the all the HTTPS stuff going on and everything, really, really, easily. So it’s something that really benefits the developer experience, but doesn’t threaten the visitor’s experience at the same time. So it’s something that is also going to keep being rights respecting, that you have full ownership and control over as the developer of your own personal website as well. And so that’s what Site.js does.

Laura: So we’re just working on ways for people to build personal websites with the idea that in the future, hopefully those websites will also be able to communicate easily with each other. So you could use them to communicate with each other and it’s all in your own space as well.

Drew: You’ve put a lot of your expertise in this area to use with Better Blocker. You must see some fairly wild things going on there as you’re updating it and…

Laura: Yeah. You can always tell when I’m working on Better because that’s when my tweets get particularly angry and cross, because it makes me so irritated when I see what’s going on. And it also really annoys me because I spend a lot of time looking at websites, and working out what the scripts are doing, and what happens when something is blocked. One of the things that really annoys me is how developers don’t have fallbacks in their code. And so the amount of times that if you block something, for example, I block an analytics script, and if you block an analytics script, all the links stop working on the webpage, then you’re probably not using the web properly if you need JavaScript to use a link. And so I wish that developers bear that in mind, especially when they think about maybe removing these scripts from their sites. But the stuff I see is they…

Laura: I’ve seen, like The Sun tabloid newspaper, everybody hates it, it’s awful. They have about 30 different analytics scripts on every page load. And to some degree I wonder whether performance would be such a hot topic in the industry if we weren’t all sticking so much junk on our webpages all the time. Because, actually, you look at a website that doesn’t have a bunch of third party tracking scripts on, tends to load quite quickly. Because you’ve got to do a huge amount to make a webpage heavy if you haven’t got all of that stuff as well.

Drew: So is it a good idea for people who build for the web to be running things like tracker blockers and ad blockers or might it change our experience of the web and cause problems from a developer point of view?

Laura: I think in the same way that we test things across different browsers and we might have a browser that we use for our own consumer style, I hate the word consumer, use, just our own personal use, like our shopping and our social stuff, and things like that. And we wouldn’t only test webpages in that browser, we test webpages in as many browsers can get our hands on because that’s what makes us good developers. And I think the same should be for if you’re using a tracker blocker or an ad blocker in your day-to-day, then yeah, you should try it without as well. Like I keep Google Chrome on my computer for browser testing, but you can be sure that I will not be using that browser for any of my personal stuff, ever, it’s horrible. So yeah, you’ve got to be aware of what’s going in the world around you as part of your responsibility as a developer.

Drew: It’s almost just like another browser combination, isn’t it? To be aware of the configurations that the audience your site or your product might have and then testing with those configurations to find any problems.

Laura: Yeah. And also developing more robust ways of writing your code, so that your code can work without certain scripts and things like that. So not everything is hinging off one particular script unless it is absolutely necessary. Things completely fall apart when people are using third party CDNs, for example. I think that’s a really interesting thing that so many people decided to use a third party CDN, but you have very little control over it’s uptime and stuff like that. And if you block the third party CDN, what happens? Suddenly you have no images, no content, no videos, or do you have no functionality because all of your functional JavaScript is coming from a third party CND?

Drew: As a web developer or designer, if I’d not really thought about privacy concerns about the sites I’m producing up until this point, if I wanted to make a start, what should be the first thing that I do to look at the potential things I’m exposing my customers to?

Laura: I’d review one of your existing pages or one of your existing sites. And you can take it on a component by component basis even. I think any small step is better than no step. And it’s the same way you’d approach learning anything new. It’s the same way I think about accessibility as well. Is you start by, okay, what is one thing I can take away? What is one thing I can change that will make a difference? And then you start building up that way of thinking, that way of looking at how you’re doing your work. And eventually that will build up into being much more well informed about things.

Drew: So I’ve been learning a lot about online privacy. What have you been learning about lately?

Laura: One of the things I’ve been learning about is Hugo, which is a static site generator that is written using Go. And I use it for my personal site already, but right now for Site.js, I’ve been writing a starter blog theme so that people could just set up a site really easily and don’t necessarily have to know a lot about Hugo. Because Hugo is interesting, it’s very fast, but the templating is quite tricky and the documentation is not the most accessible. And so I’m trying to work my way through that to understand it better, which I think I finally got over the initial hurdle. Where I understand what I’m doing now and I can make it better. But it’s hard learning these stuff, isn’t it?

Drew: It really is.

Laura: It reminds you how inadequate you are sometimes.

Drew: If you, dear listener, would like to hear more from Laura, you can find her on the web at laurakalbag.com and Small Technology Foundation at small-tech.org. Thanks for joining us today, Laura. Do you any parting words?

Laura: I’d say, I think we should always just be examining what we’re doing and our responsibility in the work that we do. And what can we do that can make things better for people? And what we can do to make things slightly less bad for people as well.

(il)

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