#because thats one of the only ways ive been getting social interaction

[trollartistry]

Big dumb vent here under read more because Twitter doesn't allow big posts

It hasn't even been 6 months since I moved to the UK to be with my husband and while yes, being with my husband and being in a country with much healthier food, public transport, proper gun control etc has been wonderful to live; I feel so fucking lonely.

I miss my American friends. I miss having those dumbasses just randomly showing up and barging into my house and distracting me from commission work. I miss us just going "yknow what lets go run around WalMart and laugh at shitty toys" or "I'm hungry you want applebees?"

On top of that, timezones suck ass. The friends I used to chat with a lot online are now so quiet and I can't tell if we're genuinely bad at keeping up communication, that time zones are being that much of a problem, or they've decided to quietly drop me because I moved.

I don't mind being a stay at home husband, but if I do house work, no commission work gets done. If I get commission work done, no house work gets done. And god forbid I do neither and decide to play games or relax- because then NOTHING gets done. My husband has a full time job with very terrible hours for him and its made him depressed along with his narcissistic parents, and I try so hard to be the positive beacon but its been so very hard since the 2nd month of being here.

I love my husband with all my heart, and I don't regret moving to the UK.

Just when he's not home, I'm so fucking alone.

[wolfertinger]

cancelling, as a term, originated from black spaces and black activists who- for obvious reasons- lacked the power or safety to seek either legal or social accountability for people in power who were harmful. it was used to call for smaller-scale community accountability where society was content to ignore problems (such as white celebs being racist and getting away with it) it also had a strong presence in kink spaces, where dangerous individuals would look for victims under the guise of kink (usually directed at abusing women scot-free) and, as these were sex spaces, and often black- its not exactly safe to ask for cops to do anything. in order to make others aware of the danger so they could avoid or protect themselves from the offenders. it has, of course, a bit of a messy online history. but the core purpose is still to make people aware of the potential harmful nature of an individual, so that people can make informed choices about supporting or interacting with them. it is messy, and people need diligence when interacting with callouts meant to bring awareness to issues, and also understand that people do have the capacity for growth. transwomen have obviously been the victims of a lot of the worse aspects of callouts- usually in the form of minor mistakes at worse being blown up into massive accusations. it would be stupid to think that some callouts arent bad faith. however it would be equally stupid to think that all callouts are bad faith, and that all should be disregarded. bad people exist in spaces. bad people look for victims. bad people prey on the lack of knowledge people have about them so that they can either control the narrative or take advantage of someone else not knowing. and callouts are often the /only/ form of protection people can use online because many of these crimes arent taken seriously or the victims are people who simply do not have the ability to seek legal accountability. when you refuse to consider the possibility- you get wis- someone who got told 'im a rapist' to her face and proceeded to tear into the victim like a shark smelling blood because she couldnt be bothered to think for a moment that there was truth to it. ive seen other posts about 'how all callouts against trans people are bullshit' and you go into the replies and see defenses for truely fucking awful people like purplekecleon (known groomer, had sex with animals, so much more) to the point where it becomes very clear this mindset exists only to allow predators to profit and not to actually protect against false calls. It doesnt matter if salem did change and grow, if people want to avoid supporting puppychan even years later thats their right. they deserve to make the call on if they think he has or hasnt grown. people deserve to know if people have a history of abuse or predation they would be disgusted to know they supported. and if its been years and someone has grown and changed well than people can and should look at that and decide on their own they think theyve improved. but this tripwire "always innocent' shit wis pulls? the only person benefiting from that is the predator looking for friends who will turn the other way. no one wouldve been upset that wis wanted to help stabilize mari or look more into things first if she had been fucking normal about it and not an abusive piece of shit who wanted to terrorize a rape victim for the crime of being too mean after being raped

.

[ultimateplaylistmaker]

OH BOY LETS DO IT @jacksmusesdrv3

Unfortunately due to how little we know about Jin, it's hard to talk about things he specifically did on his own, BUT WE CAN TALK ABOUT WHAT HE DIDNT DO, AND HIS STAFF THAT HE ALLOWS TO RUN WILD

I'll try to not be talking about the Izuru project outside of things Jin may have gone out of his way to do that were not required of him, otherwise I will assume that he had no real control or say over it because without that then you have to get into the steering committee and the structure of the schools politics and eughgheguh

First off, lets start with something a bit less directly but still speaks a LOT about how Jin's a weak ass pushover who doesn't give a shit about the students, his staff!

Like first of all, it's the one, the only Koichi Kizakura! For those who don't remember it's the guy in the hat from Danganronpa 3, the drunk one.

Which as you can imagine, that makes the problem immediately apparent. You shouldn't have a teacher who coming to work hangover and sick, I care a lot less about his talent hunting part, that's a weird secondary thing, and he's not really interacting much with them just giving them invites, I'll allow it. Teaching though? No. no no no no. Especially Main Course??? What. What. What. Is he only here because none of the students actually have to show up to class (which is fucked up as well what the hell) so he can just sit in Jin's room emanating "my best friends straight and married and ive been in love with him my whole life so im going to be sassy and drunk" energy??

However I want to quickly pivot because i just realized

Chisa's actual title is ASSISTANT HOMEROOM TEACHER. Which while 8 years ago this was just "oh yeah shes a teacher" however, with my current life experience she 100% should not have had as much power over her class. Assistant teachers and aides and the like while VERY useful...need supervision, Chisa is straight out of college, she's never taught before, and while that might be okay for a normal school, the fact this is ONE OF THE MOST ELITE SCHOOLS IN THE WORLD? Everyone here doing the main teaching should HAVE SO MANY MORE QUALIFICATIONS.

So while Assistant is a good fit for her over the main homeroom teacher, the fact JIN ACTIVELY ACKNOWLEDGES THAT KOICHI'S GONNA BE KINDA SHIT??UNHINGED BEHAVIOR. GIVE HER TO A TEACHER WHO'S ACTUALLY GOING TO BE ABLE TO ADVISE OR SUPERVISE?? AND KOICHI IS JUST LIKE "LMAO DO WHATEVER YOU WANT"?? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? WHAT SCHOOL WOULD EVER ALLOW THIS???

I will give Koichi one thing though, he's shrewd as hell, in the future foundation killing game hes a valuable asset, but in a school setting? Why is HE HERE

Jin laments somewhat that Chisa is here because of Munakata "insisting", which Koichi rightfully points out as a power play. Jin brushes this off as he knows that, but like?? What the hell.

KYOSUKE ISN'T EVEN AT HOPES PEAK??? HE'S AT AN OFF-SHORE FACILITY, YOU COULD HAVE SO EASILY JUST...NOT HIRED HER? YOURE THE ONE IN CHARGE HERE! SAY NO! HE CAN HIRE HER AT HIS SCHOOL HE'S BUILDING

As well, even with the class being required, KIDS ARE STILL SHOWING UP, so even the excuse of "they dont show up' doesnt fly! Sonia, Fuyuhiko, Hiyoko, and Mahiru are ALL IN THE CLASSROOM when Chisa first enters, god they're all so cute also why is hiyoko's cuteness up the max in this anime also Mikan enters a bit later bringing the total to five

Then chisa IMMEDIATELY starts lying, she was NEVER made the teacher, she's THE ASSISTANT TEACHER, THATS A DIFFERENT JOB, YOU ARENT SUPPOSED TO BE THE MAIN TEACHER, YOU ARE THERE TO EASE THE WORKLOAD. YOUR JOB IS TO GRADE SHIT, AND HELP KIDS DO FRACTIONS OR WHATEVER. YOU ARE THERE TO HELP BE MORE HANDS ON DECK AND MAKE SURE THE MAIN TEACHER CAN FOCUS ON MORE IMPORTANT THINGS THEN TELLING KIDS THEY CAN GO TO THE BATHROOM

I do love Hiyoko immediately going "lmao i cant wait to break her, destroy her social position, sell her organs, kill her, and more" like im sorry if you don't like Hiyoko you're wrong she's hysterical Fuyuhiko is the only person to go "WHAT ABOUT THE IDIOT BEFORE" To which we learn..... HE'S HUNGOVER AND VOMITING, GO HOME.

FUYUHIKO'S RESPONSE??

"Again?"

WHICH JUST FURTHER ILLUSTRATES THAT KOICHI IS BEING AN ACTIVE DETRIMENT TO THE CLASSROOM, WHY IS HE A TEACHER, IS HE EVEN CERTIFIED.

Im going to ignore Chisa's absolute batshit student hunt to get them all in class, that one's going under "thats just danganronpa/anime logic" though i will point a few things, like she is right that school isnt about just passing exams, its also about learning social skills and building connections, so the fact so few kids are ever even in class is not great for their development. However, do not call your actual students rotten oranges, especially when one is essentially named orange, {Mikan}. Especially when it's not their fault??? Like these are the kids who actually came into class, dont punish them for it, at least Sonia's having a blast. Also don't threaten students with knives but as he's literally a yakuza heir i'll let that one slide, like yeah fair.

Even just the FIRST EPISODE of danganronpa 3 we learn

Jin is protecting and sheltering his completely unfit to be a teacher best friend, something actively detrimental to the school life and education of these kids. While I'm okay with his talent hunt stuff, this man should not be a teacher on campus who is hungover and vomiting often enough for students to recognize a damn pattern

Jin is completely uncaring or ambivalent to power plays done by people with less power then him that he can easily shut down, but instead plays it off as "forcing his hand" when in reality he absolutely could have just...not hired Chisa! What's Kyosuke gonna do in retaliation if he doesn't? Does Jin benefit from this at all? It's a pointless allowance, one Koichi points as only going to undermine him for no reason, and he's not wrong! She literally came as a spy!

Hiring Chisa makes no sense whatsoever, she's graduated so while she's probably qualified to teach in general. Letting her completely take over and command a classroom on her first day, going against the school rules to do so because attendance isn't mandatory, of one of the most PRESTIGIOUS schools in the world is just. Unhinged. It's lunacy. Especially when she's officially just the assistant teacher. Which is the role she should have in this situation! Assistant teacher's DON'T DO THIS. While she's said to leave a good impact on the students, this could have gone horribly wrong, and the fact Jin doesn't seem to care is a really bad look.

Actively upholds policies that are detrimental the development of social skills and normal skills one would learn in a high school environment along with seemingly uncaring if they get hurt or hurt others doing this, along with the sheer amount of property damage.

He actively allows people into the school who turn out to be spies or actively looking to work against hope's peak, Chisa is a spy, Juzo is a spy, it seems the only credentials to work here are "be an ultimate at some point" and after that Jin just does not care

What about other things he does in the series? (im not going to get screenshots anymore i dont wanna)

He plays favorites with the students, despite Nagito's terrorist attack being very much nagito' sfault, out of the four students involved in the utter catastrophe that was the gym testing thing, he's the only one not expelled because his luck is wanted for further study by Jin. While Ruruka and Seiko do have valid reasons of helping Ruruka cheat (which even then im unsure? like yeah ruruka tried to put in performance enhancing drugs but uh, i dont, think that would effect the pastry? it would just make the people eating it have better talent? It wasn't like Ruruka doped herself to make better pastries, so im unsure if this actually would have counted as cheating. Sure the mix up resulted in laxatives being put in instead which could count as poisoning but the act of the enhancing drug is kind of a grey area here but also gundham was allowed to let a bear bite Souda so I think this should be considered same shit as always) I'm unsure if this is really an expel worthy offense next to "literally blew up the gym in a terrorist attack" nagito over there just getting suspended, and also Sohnosuke is tangentially involved in that debacle at BEST. This is the one time in her life ever that Ruruka deserved better. Also Koichi finally gets punishment in a suspension and Chisa faces a consequence for her actions only after multiple people are poisoned, and Komaeda did a terrorism

The reserve course teaching position is used as a punishment, as when Chisa is finally given a consequence for how wildly out of control she's kinda led everything to be, it's to be a reserve teacher, something seen as a nasty punishment. Again, this ties back into LITERALLY EVERYTHING ABOUT THE RESERVE COURSE. While I won't go too into that because that's also like steering committee stuff, Jin could have easily just suspended her like Koichi. This doesn't even get any payoff because the next episode she just gets put back into 77-B and now is made their ACTUAL homeroom teacher after a few months passed off screen. Jin no.

Jin laments about how he didn't use Kyoko's talent to find the mastermind of the tragedy, which. Is another annoying retcon, because he did do that in danganronpa 0 then fucking backpeddled and threatened her about it. He literally talks about the parade, he did do that, which also my man you couldn't do anything to try and appease the parade? At all?

He's extremely uninvolved, basically every choice or decision he ever makes is because someone else told him to do it, or because he couldn't bother to do something different, he's a doormat, a puppet, and he doesn't care even when it starts to have a death count

Has helped cover up over 10 student deaths. While he argues about the massacre of the student council being covered in dr3, in dr0 he still covers up the Madarai Brothers, Yasuke, the only survivor of the massacre, and Yuto, marking them as just expelled, instead of fucking killed. Very "no one has ever died in disneyland" of him.

Does nothing to help the Reserve course, I'm not even sure he even ever interacts with a reserve

Literally everything about Juzo, sir, sir are you aware the security are assaulting reserves? SIR!

I can't talk too much about his plan to lock up class 78 inside hope's peak because we dont see much of it, but also only sheltering like 17 people inside of hope's peak is a little underkill for how many people you could save with that.

The steering committee isn't even actually all that intimidating, its just four old dudes, like, my dude, you have yakuza and other gang members at this school, you could solve this problem of the steering board doing crimes against humanity pretty easily actually (list of students who definitely could have just killed, reported, or otherwise sabotaged the steering committee if jin had enough of a backbone to actually use his resources to stop mass human experimentation: Byakuya Togami, Imposter, Madarai Brothers, Santa, Suzuhiko Ōtsuki, Matsuda, Sonia, Ted, Elite Task Force Members, Fuyuhiko, Peko, Miaya) These guys are so fucking killable look at them, one of thems already about to pass over dead, literally just give Fuyuhiko like 100,000 dollars and a pass on the sato murder and your problems ~are solved~ and no one can argue "but but morality" HE HELPED COVER UP OVER TEN MURDERS OF HIS STUDENTS

So yeah, terrible headmaster, terrible father, utter spineless coward who I wouldn't trust with a banana let alone Hope's Peak Academy

I do wish we learned anything about his past of hopes peak because like, he has to be an ultimate right? No way he's not, what was his ultimate? What did he do? How did he get this role? Honestly I'm extremely curious about this ngl, like if you want to actually flesh out jin (WHICH LIKE HA NO THEY DONT) a novel about his time at hope's peak could be fun to actually y'know, make him in any way shape of form actually redeemable?

Honestly you could have something interesting there because the Kirigiri clan is supposed to be super underground and Jin's a shit detective so if he's scouted it had to be something related to something else he did, which could help create the divide, and you could use this to actually give us basically any information on his wife, like, a name for instance. Hell with his age of "late 30s" and Kyoko's age at time of death you could make a solid argument that he was a teen dad and now wouldnt that make his dynamic with kirigiri so much more interesting? Like if we assume Kyoko's 17-18 and the late 30's is accurate still even after time in the tragedy that puts him at a solid 17-22 when kyoko was born, hell retcon his birthday to november-december and you could get away with 16. If you really wanna go dark you could even play into the steering committee secretly encouraging teen pregnancy amongst students as an early form of talent eugenics study. Make Kazuo worse, make Jin an example of the circle of violence cowards.

[lucid-daydreaming-archive]

intro post whoopee!!!

hi guys im lucid :D you can also call me daylin i don’t really care but i may be like woah how do you know my name (i will forget about making this post 2 seconds after posting it) also I AM AN ADULT im 23 and i do not use pronouns just use my name pleaseeeeeee if you have a disability that makes words hard to process i understand if that’s difficult you can just use they/them instead

i am part of the zodiac system! however this is MY blog. alters may speak on here if they absolutely must but this blog is mine and belongs to me!

first off just getting this out there if youre proship, zoo, pedo, incest supporter, endo system supporter, any kind of discriminatory against protected minority groups, and anti-otherkin, shoo. dont want you here youre not welcome. bye bye my content isnt for you.

immmmm an infp-t 4w5 sanguine-melancholic existential-intrapersonal-visual learner seer of heart prospit dreamer true neutral rogue shifter airbender and dragon type trainer for all you personality label freaks

i like to DRAW!!!!! this is an art blog!!!! i will only post art here, all of my reblogs will be on @rigormortisorwhatever save for the posts my close friends make that i want to support here. sometimes i will post just text but thats only if i really need to let you guys known something or im answering a question

my commissions are OPEN!!!!!!!! dm me for commission info im too lazy and busy to make a sheet

if my requests are closed that means theyre closed dont ask me to draw shit please and thank you

im AUTISTIC i am on that mf spectrum been diagnosed since i was three. for me this means im not naturally fluent in social norms or what’s expected from an interaction or how to read others very well. i am also horribly inept at understanding boundaries so please if you are to set one with me give me an explanation as to why or else i freak out. i also have heavy special interests and find it really hard to turn the conversation away from something im fixating on or specially interested in. i also have extremeeeee sensory issues and a hard time being completely flexible when im comfortable in a routine so just be patient with me man adjustments are hard for me. my empathy is also extremely low and im a really really high masking person so if i come off as well versed or allistic just know that i either took a million years to format the right way to say things or i am entirely going off a predetermined script and will fumble if caught off guard. other important stuff ive got adhd bpd cptsd and major depressive disorder which all those combined makes me really flaky when it comes to responding or follow through. i may not reply to you for like 500 years or maybe i will be gods speediest most motivated soldier. just don’t expect me to be a readily available fully capable robot ok?? ok.

uuueeehhhmmm my special interests are pokemon, homestuck, geography, taxonomy, my ocs, ikea, and personality psychology. i guess i also am specially interested in dragons because i like and think about them more than all of the above and have to incorporate them into everything but its less of an ill infodump to you interest and more of an i want to be surrounded by this thing because it brings me extreme comfort because it feels like me.

i am otherkin im a dragon and i look like this:

i will also represent myself like this if im feeling it:

yes i know i am not actually a physical dragon and im not a spiritual kinner i kin for identity purposes and the fact that i feel some pretty intense crippling species dysphoria idk ive been like this since i was 5 i don’t really have memories of my life where i wasnt experiencing animalistic behaviors and instincts

my favorite music artists are s3rl twenty øne piløts nine inch nails muse onerepublic thefatrat glass animals ajr the living tombstone romanceplanet basshunter and italobrothers my favorite medias are the httyd movies pokemon homestuck rick and morty invader zim infinity train gravity falls rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead doctor who my little pony fim dont starve and the mcelroy brothers content

heres some more characters i represent myself as:

ok BYE

[mychlapci]

Heyy chase anon here, ive been gone for awhile i almost died during labourr, anyway im back now and ready to send more

Anywayyyy, merformers and Rescue bots!

I feel like Chase would be a Mako shark mer or a Grey Reef shark mix, Both very pretty. But he’d be extremely protective of his babies. Or an orca!

Heatwave would be a bull shark or a red lionfish type mer, dangerous yet pretty.

Blades would probably be flying fish type mer, but he rarely actually flies out of the water.

Boulder would be a beluga whale, because i love them!

But even better if they’re all Orcas and create a pod.

The four of them in a private quarantine facility that’s mostly ran by the burns and the greene’s, since these species are rarely seen and if they’re to be put in aquariums or bigger facilities they need to be quarantined and brought up to health.

At first none of them get along, Chase will only interact with blades since he’s the least annoying and only ever surfaces or goes into the socialising pools if it’s to find Blades or if he gets lured out with food.

Heatwave isolates himself, refusing to leave his private tank and usually only snaps at cade, other then that he’s extremely relaxed and isn’t exactly bothered by touch or the humans in the shallow parts of his tank.

Blades is extremely flighty, yet tries to socialise with the other three whenever he can, and is usually seen surfacing and learning the human language- like boulder

Speaking of boulder, he’s the clever one, and extremely social, so usually he’s being distracted with puzzles or speaking with graham.

Anyway thats all i can think off because im loopy but i wanted them to accidentally pop out babies and idk how it’d work. If they were Orcas the babies would be well taken care of, and we need. We need chase with six titties cause i said so

Finally, merformers rescue bots. I honestly think the funniest (and also hottest. to me) way for them to start popping out babies is while the facility is open to public (probably forced by the mayor or something) and one of ‘em just swims by, stops, squirms, and pushes out a little merpup, in front of all these people. I hope it’s Chase and he gets humiliated. He didn’t mean to do that. 

also yeah, six titties Chase. I want his titties to start swelling while he‘s carrying and after a while he can‘t even keep ‘em covered anymore, forced even further into self-isolation because he‘s embarrassed… but he has to be wrangled out of the tank anyways so that someone can examine him. He‘s usually fairly well behaved around humans, but with his titties so swollen and sensitive he doesn‘t think he can stop himself from thrashing his tail whenever someone tries to touch the puffy nozzles… hgrhhh i don‘t know why i‘m trying to humiliate Chase so much.

[sophieinwonderland]

hi o/ jus wana start by saying dis is jus semi incoherent rambling of a sleeby oupy who didnt get to eat 5 borgars for dinner.

i find the anti endo point of “just doing it for attention” so weird

for one its really disconected from real life, like, attention is a basic need fir our body, its why solutary confinment is such good tourture. its like saying “theyre just doing it to get food” :l dumb argument, evyone needs and withholding food because someones starving is an evil thing to do, an so is ignoring someone who’s in need of social interaction.

and two, its blatantly wrong. like, we’ve told 0 people irl about being a system, we’ve only told like, 3 online friends, and we never talk about system stuff with them still cuz we’re scared of loosing those friends for being too weird. we pretty much never post about it on our blog an besides the blog description no one wud probably ever know. the one time someone guessed we’re a system in a discord servr i had a full anxiety attack an avoided any interaction for 2 weeks even tho they were accepting, an then when we finaly went back to talking there i made sure we had any trace of system stuff wiped from the servr profile an deleted the messages that made them ask and only just showed that all again after 2 months of keeping everything hidden. we’re terrified of people we know knowing we’re a system or getting attention cuz of tgat.

tho we’re definitly on the extreme end for that (mostly me tbh… the social isolation and abandonment issues exo-memories and the body’s trauma from similar irl stuff deff made me super scared about this) but its a pretty similar experience for a lot of systems from wut ive seen where telling ppl is pretty much an act of compleat trust an usualy very anxiety inducing.

besides, if someone really wus just after attention, they could just post a incorrect fact online or a really dumb take. thats much easier an will get a lot more attention than faking being a system ever could. like, saying something like “reading is bourgeoisie” on a semi popular post will be a thousand times better at getting u attention than being a system ever could.

theres so much more i wana say about this, like the ableism inherent to that argument point, or the way its linked to child abuse, but phone keyboard is stupid and terrible and im too hungy to think well enough to write out those points properly an do them justice.

anyways, i hope u have a great day/night depending on when u read this.

Right! And if they're claiming people are wanting positive attention, I don't see that as being that hard either.

Like, if someone wants to talk to people on the internet about stuff, there are spaces out there for literally anything and anyone. You're not going to get more attention for being a system than you would for being outspoken in a fandom or a religion or any other social group you're a part of.

People who want attention... don't need to pretend to have people in their head to get it. And the attention you would get for that is often going to be negative because a lot of people are sanist and pluralphobic. But as you mention, it's not even the best way to get negative attention when there are so many actual troll-y things you can do.

You can find hundreds of communities online with people who will support you and give you attention for your takes on various topics! Or you can find hundreds more who will hate you if you push the right buttons!

There's just... no logical reason to fake being plural for attention.

And isn't this, again, the very same claims that have always been made against the LGBTQ community?

It's actually kind of funny how that happens, isn't it?

The people who are getting attention are generally the ones who most conform to society. It's not plural or trans people. It's the ones who do their best to fit in and be like everyone else in their group. Meanwhile, people who have identities that diverge from the norm are often left outcasts and shunned by peers.

And yet it's the latter group that's accused of attention seeking?

It makes no sense. 🤷‍♀️

[skuntank]

Which Kalos gym leader do you think Diantha is most friendly/familiar with and which one do you think she knows about but doesn’t like? Cynthia has some friends among the Sinnoh (and Unova) gym league but I figure Diantha’s celebrity status might limit her non-work socialization a bit more.

OOHH thank u for this ..... lemme think

admittedly i dont have a lot of headcanons for other kalos league members, which is a bit of a shame, but unfortunately no one else interests me much so ive not given much thought to most of them btu this is a good excuse to!

(this got really long oops i do not blame anyone if no one reads it)

viola: outside of league stuff, i feel that they would know each other somewhat due to working together for photoshoots. also, i feel that violas sister alexa has probably interviewed diantha a few times and perhaps viola was there to record it. i think they would get along decently well but their relationship is just professional!

grant: again, another relationship that i see as amicable but just professional. maybe at most, he has helped diantha train for specific roles in terms of helping her get the hang of rock climbing basics and such but other than that i cant think of how they would interact much outside of league stuff.

korrina: so in the manga they do have a decent amoutn of canon interaction, but i dont remember much of it bc i only skimmed the manga to look at diantha lmao. but evidently, if korrina's grandfather was diantha's mentor at one point (i am assuming mentoring her in how to use mega evolution), then i am sure they have known each other for quite a while. i feel that perhaps diantha sees korrina as something of a younger sister, but unfortunately as theyve both gotten a bit older they dont get to spend as much time together as they may have once been able to when they were younger. korrina is probably one of the league members diantha has more of a history and familiarity with.

ramos: oh man is there even much info about ramos to begin with? i hate to just characterize him as "old person who is the grandparent of the league." maybe, as a gardener, i can see him doing some upkeep around the grounds of the different gyms and the league headquarters? maybe he also has a landscaping business? i think it would be fun if he had been the one to design how the grounds around the league headquarters look, helping it look even more regal than the building itself already does. so maybe perhaps she will run into him outside when she has to come to the league, or maybe she's paid him to come do some work at her home idk!

clemont: im ngl ive never been a fan of his and also he is a child so idk what reason would have to interact with him outside of league stuff. she probably is impressed by his ingenuity and understanding of technology and thats about it.

valerie: oh ok theyve gotta have one of the closer friendships i think!!! they undoubtedly met through either the league or through valerie being commissioned by diantha, one of the two, and they just clicked immediately. i think valerie is one of those people that is just Weird herself and is one of the extremely rare people that diantha can be more herself around without judgement. there is a mutual understanding and acceptance for one another of being an eclectic creative. if anything, i feel that when diantha is able to take part in more experimental and weird artsy indie productions, valerie is almost always involved somehow too because its the sort of thing that attracts them both. valerie is probably someone diantha wishes she could spend more recreational time with.

olympia: another person i see diantha getting along well with. i imagine olympia can be sort of ... off-putting in some ways, but more in the "shes just on another plane of existence" sort of way. and i think diantha would find her fascinating, and maybe even a little bit intimidating? not that its a bad thing lol. diantha would potentially like to spend more recreational time with her too but there is something sort of untouchable about olympia even if she is friendly and that makes it even more difficult to connect with her.

wulfric: so just purely in terms of character, i cant see them meshing well. not that i see them being antagonistic towards one another, but more in probably a generational divide way. and then also, wulfric is canonically a big fan of brycen-man .... which, according to my headcanon, makes things a little weird for diantha. having worked with brycen and knowing just what sort of person he is behind the scenes leaves a bad taste in her mouth when confronted by diehard brycen apologists, which i could see wulfric being and also being just sort of a good ol' boy. i think they can work together decently well for league things, but beyond that i feel that they would just be too different in many ways to connect well. also, if wulfric pesters her a lot about what its like to work with brycen, shes gonna get irritated by that pretty quickly.

malva: oof. i really really REALLY need to explore their dynamic more. malva is the prime example of why you shouldnt sleep with your coworkers i think and diantha definitely made that mistake. lmaooo. i see there being a lot of attraction between the two of them right off the bat and there being a lot of flirting and sexual tension but it exploded in their faces pretty quickly and its been Weird ever since. Weird as in like. diantha is jsut trying to remain professional and do her job and malva is an especially vindictive and petty person and is very very VERY good at finding out what gets under other peoples skin and exploiting that. i imagine there arent a lot of people who can make diantha lose her cool quite like malva can and i love it. additionally, all of dianthas "scandals" were first reported on and covered extensively by malva, purely by coincidence : ) in another universe where diantha was team flare boss, i like to imagine theyd have gotten along swimmingly.

siebold: i dont really have a lot of thoughts on him i am sorry. he seems like a cool dude but hes never had that spark that has really drawn me to him! tbh i just read in fanfiction about them being gay besties and i kinda just go with that bc it absolutely makes sense to me lmao

wikstrom: there is a lot of mutual respect and admiration between the two of them, and i see wikstrom being an untintentionally dramatic person (mostly in his speech and bodily movements) and diantha really enjoys that. something about him sort of just encourages the dramatics in her and if they are allowed to spend too much time together, their interactions slowly start to take on something of a shakespearean quality, as if theyre performing a stage play together (wikstrom is entirely unaware of this, diantha is fully aware of it and Very into it lmao its fun)

drasna: i see her as another Unsettling Older Woman, but not in the same way as olympia. im not sure how to describe it. i see diantha being a very astute person in being able to read others and their intentions, and drasna unsettles her but also like. drasna isnt a bad person. idk if im going to elaborate further be i feel like drasna is one of those chars id like to put more thought into.

[thewarnerbrothers]

alright i gotta say something

you really cant do anything when you have a moderately popular blog huh

look. im a lurker at heart. i just happen to have one issue: not being able to shut up when im interested in something. thats the only reaaon this blog exists. i didnt come here to make friends, though i ended up doing that along the way

i dont want or need your pity. what i need is for people i dont know at all to stop putting me under a microscope

newsflash: i dont matter. follower count doesnt matter. at all. do you know what its like having thousands of eyes on you all the time? it sucks

i literally cant do anything

if i block literal strangers, they get mad and try to publicly shame me for it. if i try to settle disputes amicably in private, its seen as bad. if i attempt to be open and transparent with modding decisions, its bad. if i ask people to actually talk to me, they dont. instead they kick up a frenzy in private to coordinate a stupid mass hissy fit disproportionate to any perceived slight they may have endured. if i make friends, people take it personally. people see that as some sort of insult. i cannot be friends with everyone. i wont. this hurts strangers feelings, dspite me not existing for their pleasure.

some of you feel very entitled to my time. you dont own me. i dont owe you anything. ive tried to not lose the few molecules of my mind left on a regular basis because of some people who are no longer in this fandom, and some who still are. and man. i am just. tired. of everyone. all the time.

i think even more than the fact that this series was released (mainly) as a bingewatch fest, what killed this fandom was you

not necessarily you, whoever is reading this. i mean the fans. in general. some of you are so annoying, rude, inappropriate, and willfully lacking in social skills. youre over dramatic. youre moody. youre dramamongering. youre liars. youre bullies. youre self-ascribed victims. you dont care about other human beings.

youre repulsive, frankly

you are part of the reason people have been leaving the fandom in droves. the homophobia. the transphobia. the ship hate. the inability to treat other people with basic human decency. the manufactured scandals. shut up and grow up

you know why i barely interact with larger fandom anymore? ill tell you

waves of harassment to varying degrees ad nauseam

creeps who refuse to even try to keep their fetishes to themselves in private groups that include minors

abusers (most of whom are thankfully now gone)

people befriending me only to reveal that they dont actually like or care about me as a person

the most willfully socially inept people to ever exist

nosy jerks who literally cannot stand not sticking their nose in personal problems that have nothing to do with them

people treating me and my blog like im google adsense. im not a billboard guys

people deciding i am evil for no apparent reason? sdkjfalsdjfa

thinly veiled anythingphobia pretending to be socially just (hi homophobes who imply that being lgbt by nature is 'adult')

people who just make things up. all the time. just make up a lie, say it passionately enough. if you try to defend yourself, youre seen as guilty/suspicious. if you try to resolve things quietly with only those involved, you're seen as guilty/suspicious. cant win

wankers who need to learn why parasocial relationships arent actually meant to be embraced wholeheartedly

really lame one-off trolls tbh

the most fandom discourse-poisoned takes i have seen since su hatedom was at its peak

im just tired of being nice all the time? i think you guys just like taking advantage of people you imagine to be good targets

listen. i am allowed to do whatever i want, regardless of how you feel about it. the same thing goes for you. i tend to try to resolve things reasonably and rationally, but i wont pretend ive never gotten mad or overreacted or made a decision i regret. ive made that pretty known. i like to think i've grown, and ive gone out of my way to apologize to people.

however.

some of yall do not understand that just because your feelings got hurt, it doesnt mean you are deserve an apology or an explanation. sometimes it literally is just a you problem. a skill issue. you need to grow thicker skin. learn how to curate your online experience. get. over it.

lets talk about blocking, shall we?

blocking is great. i block people all the time. i block bots, i block tag spammers, i block people who make posts with rancid vibes, i block people who ive personally interacted with and no longer wish to, i block because i get tired of seeing someones posts, i block people who post things that trigger me, i block blogs with icons i dont like. there's usually no grand reason for it, aside from egregious cases where i've been harassed. its also usually not personal. i will block people who ive followed for years. i dont care. i dont know most of yall. i know i've been blocked by tons of people and that's okay! i would rather people who don't want to interact with me do that.

if you get blocked, thats it. dont attempt to contact me again unless i reach out. im not the only blog in this fandom. youll live without my posts. i am not the arbiter of all things animaney.

im just some guy

i know that the people who need to hear this most will not care nor will they actually absorb what i'm saying. ive gotten a lot of hate over the dumbest crap. im done. i think i need to stop trying to be so friendly, because some of you think being a little pissbaby is the only way to interact with others online.

cant wait til i finally explode one day and just delete everything

tldr shut up leave me alone oh my god its not that big a deal jesus christ

[kiisuuumii]

some introspection this morning abt a feeling from last night abt social interactions, letting ppl in, fear of everything coming to a sour end, and hope

up until this past february, i hadnt allowed a completely new person into my life, like really into my life, for quite a long while; the last person was an old coworker, who id met two years ago now. and ive always been the sort to struggle w social interactions and connections of all types, so when i made my first blog and decided to start posting poetry there, i had prepped myself mentally somewhat to interact w others (last time i put myself out onto the internet was in 2020 lol), but i dont think i was as emotionally ready as i shouldve been, to the point of letting my emotions get the better of me and hurting myself and others twice now since march

its safe to say that im scared, of letting ppl in, of my emotions taking over, of hurting someone else again. its safe to say that i dont trust myself to not let any of this happen again. and maybe its a control issue thing. i know that nobody's perfect, let alone me, and yet i find it difficult to extend the sort of grace id give to others, to myself.

so when someone reached out to me last night to tell me that theyre there if id like a friend (and hello friend if youre reading this sorry im making an example of you), it brought up the question of whether i felt i /could/ let someone new in. and ik that its not like i have to be vulnerable, spewing every little thing abt myself, right from the start, and ik that how connections progress varies from one to another. i think the question really becomes whether i trust myself to know how navigate new connections in ways that are not only true to myself, but also with my highest good in mind, and whether im willing to take the risk that someone's presence in my life wont last forever

thats another thing with me; when i grow fond of someone, i want them to always have a presence in my life to some degree, because i love them, and i want to not only be apart of their lives, but also them apart of mine. but thats not what happens every time; people come and go, thats just how it is, and i struggle horribly with letting go, even since i was a kid

but i dont want to let the fear of losing someone keep me from letting people into my life. i crave connection, i crave understanding. i cant have those things without letting someone in and letting them try, and letting myself try.

i want to live this life with as few regrets as i can. yet it seems like ive just been piling them up over the past four months. am i just going to regret letting other people in going forward, too?

theres only one real way to find out. and im terrified. genuinely terrified. bc im sick of hurting others. im sick of beating myself up. but you have to do the thing scared. you have to. or else you wont do it at all. you'll keep making excuses for yourself, saying you arent ready, but when will that be? are we ever truly ready for anything, let alone change?

you have to hope that the next time'll be different. statistically, its not impossible. you have to hope. how else can things change if you dont have hope that they will?

hope doesnt have to mean trusting yourself completely. it just has to mean believing in the small part of you that wants things to change to do what they can with what they have to bring about that change.

i'll always believe that so long as i have the hope that i can change, i'll be able to find whats the best decision for me, in whatever moment i find myself in. that, that hope will eventually usher in the change im striving for, someday, one way, or another.

[funshinebf]

i think my problem with trying to find accurate professional diagnoses for my mental health issues is that like, ive got a fistfull of tons of things. ive got some autism here, bit of adhd there, some ocd as well, a spot of bipolar, and a touch of psychosis to round it all out. not to mention the depression and anxiety thats come as a result of the other stuff going untreated throughout my life, especially during my childhood. and like, its not the same as having All of those things comorbid together, because any time i try to talk to a professional about any of these things, the results are like "well, you DO show traits from that disorder, but not enough to meet the criteria for a diagnosis. so we cant really claim that you have it." <- but like i show enough of the traits for their existence to make my life severely difficult in most areas, as well as making me require very specific treatment for those traits. BUT! because i dont actually qualify for a diagnosis, most of those treatment options are ones i get denied, on account of not reeeeallly having the required disorder(s) that they treat! its sooooooo fucking frustrating like im always at such a fucking loss at what im supposed to do about all of it. i just know that i cant keep living my life the way i have been, because im not doing well! im always sacrificing one need in order to meet another, until the lack of that need gets to be too much and i sacrifice a different need to get it back. its a horrible fucking cycle. like, right now, im trying to focus on my social life and hobbies, as well as working on things in therapy. but in order to do that, i have to give up working a job, so i have no income, no routine, no regular human contact, as well as very little responsibilities to keep me active. but when i did have a job, i was completely ignoring my daily overstimulation, as well as the exhaustion from constant masking and pushing myself past my physical and mental limits with doing tasks and interacting with strangers. its so fucking awful, its like no matter whay i try to do theres just no winning, theres no scenario where i can thrive. its this overwhelming feeling of hopelessness that leads me to feel suicidal, because in reality i dont WANT to die, i just feel like its the only path i could take that wont make me completely fucking crazy and miserable for the rest of my life. but i want to have a good life! i want to be happy! i want to at LEAST be content! but i dont know how the hell im supposed to get there from here, and it makes me feel so fucking terrified and lost all the time. i dont know what im supposed to do anymore

[climaxbattles]

vent dont read (unless the curiousity consumes you i guess. if you know me personally it might suck)

i havent been able to leave the house since may and it seems like every day i get worse and worse

i just cant deal with anything i dont know why

i dont go outside, i cant be alone, i cant even eat too fast/slow or i just like completely freak out

i started therapy and this is the first time ive ever been hopeful about interacting with a therapist but i still kind of dread it every week. im not even sure its helping like maybe shorter sessions would be better but i use so much energy just getting through the day i cant communicate until its too late

i dont even understand what made this happen my only guess is that one of the medications i tried really messed me up (or i have a brain tumor or thyroid problem or something) because a few of them had really really terrible side effects and i almost had to go back to the hospital for the 3rd time in a year, but i dont get why im not getting better when i dont do anything and im not on those meds anymore.

and if it is physical i cant leave the house without panicking like. i dont know how else i would go anywhere to get it checked out unless it got so bad i had to call an ambulance again so they could lie me down and give me oxygen and turn all the lights off and hold my hand again but that also was like very traumatic so im afraid i would just completely break

my friend is over visiting and i havent seen her in forever bc she moved 4 hours away and i cant even bring myself to hang out with her because she brought her boyfriend and i already have problems talking to anyone but her even though i fucking live with her family and leech off them. so im just hiding in my room

i dont really talk to anyone much anymore and i dont even know if its Because i want to be left alone or if its something making me lonely/im upset about. it also kind of seems like people r moving on from me but that could be like entirely self inflicted bc one on one conversation terrified me even before and now i like have panic attacks if a breathe wrong let alone attempt something thats always scared me

i think like some of them maybe also have a seperate discord server i wasnt invited to. this happened literally months ago where i accidentally found out and its not really my business i guess. and i dont even rly know if its true or even used anymore

it just feels bad because i lost a friend of like 7 years and a friend i really related to but didnt know long because i took their side in multiple arguments and i dont regret the 2nd one but the first one kind of still sucks. the people i lost had a lot of their own problems that made them unpleasant but idk. the first person was kind of always open to talking to me even though we r both fucked up and wouldnt ignore me even when i sometimes would bc of my own problems

and then if there Is a second server thats kind of why the second person lost their shit. so its like Maybe they were right in a small way (they were completely fucked though they would like suicidebait randomly and ive never had any other friend do that so its still for the best i think)

it seems like i keep losing or pushing away good friends kind of. or maybe im bad at all friends idk. ive never enjoyed socializing so it seems like my fault probably

i honestly just wish i could get on food stamps and/or disability on top of medicaid but i think people are still insisting i can go back to the way i was before. idk if thats possible. i just want to be able to stop taking As much Directly from other people and maybe like. buy legos or a 3d printer or something. i dont have much to do in the house 24/7 and my computer is getting old. and i think the internet is making this all worse but thats like my only activity

im so tired

[heartsbreaking-migrated]

a lil nico unfiltered thought moment (its not really a rant or negative, just words about my experience in the rpc i guess )

i think the part that's getting in my head about rp recently is like i feel like ive pretty much aced the writing and the graphics part (i mean i can always improve, but i'm confident enough in my abilities that i don't generally feel insecure about it) but the actual social part feels incredibly difficult to me in a way it didn't used to when i wrote on a different site as a teenager. i had a friend group there and like for the main few years it felt like i could just be myself, i understood the social structure and how things worked and even when i was at my worst there, i didn't feel like there was something completely impossible to me that i didn't understand

but here im just kinda lost, and i don't understand the social structure of the rpc at all. like i don't understand how people have groups of friends, i don't understand how people get to the point with anyone where they're so close their muses are interconnected or where they feel comfortable enough with people to just ask for a ship or a specific plot. and maybe its cause i've only been here for three years and there are people who have been writing here for ten+ but i'm sorry i don't plan on being here for ten years and i WANT to have these experiences. i want to understand because when i see groups of muses forming or niche fandoms i'm apart of having rpcs my first thought isn't 'those are potential friends i could make, i should try and interact' it's a trauma response of expecting disappointment so i don't let myself try. it's 'i'm going to be rejected if i try and engage with this group so instead i'll watch from the sidelines until it eventually goes from interest to jealousy to anger to passivity. and i know im limiting myself by not trying a lot of the time, that i'm sure of because i'm only just now starting to work through that. i guess a lot of it's probably a confidence thing, i'm confident in my writing but not in my ooc interactions and i'm also not the most talkative so unless i have a plot idea or something specific to say, chances are our ooc interactions are going to be pretty sparse and i think it takes a lot more of an outgoing person to get to that point. so thats something to work towards maybe

i love my friends, i love my rp partners, nothing about the dynamics i have with people are inadequate, i just see the way people interact here and it's not the way my interactions with people here feel and maybe its a me thing/a trauma thing/a comfort level thing thats entirely on me and I could be the one thats not letting my dynamics progress to that level. i'm completely open to that concept that the only thing stopping me from the types of interactions/experience i want to have on this site is me. im just not sure how to push through that.

i'm doing a lot better than i was two months ago or even one month ago, this like social aspect just kinda feels like the final frontier to me. it's what gets me down when i'm depressed and when i'm feeling good like i am rn it something that just moderately bugs me

anyway if you read this i hope your day is going well and you find $20 on the floor

[thatbitchsimone]

Thank you that’s very sweet, you’re very kind

I just read and observe people and then after some time I eventually pick up on their habits and the way they talk and that’s what I did while learning English

Obviously I knew English because I learnt it in school but I never spoke it and I wasn’t great at communicating in it because where I live we usually speak my mother tongue which is pashto and urdu (I live in pakistan btw)

I’m 20 so before I was 17 when I started learning, that too because I got into this phase where I didn’t like talking to people and just reading and writing and on my phone and the quarantine really helped lol so that made me learn English and eventually get introduced to all the western media

And I because I had been always very close to my family so we watched the same shows and I wasn’t really at all on social media, probably because the lack of knowing English so I felt kind of insecure being on social media if I wasn’t able to understand the stuff on it, so no idea of western celebs or anything like that (I knew the very famous ones like angelina jolie etc because once I saw her face printed on a bag while I was shopping when I was like 12 and I though she was gorgeous anyways I’m rambling!!! Now hahah)

Anyways the point is, sometimes it makes me feel like, social media and real life are two different planets because the stuff on it so flabbergasting and weird (but also it has its many good sides and effects as well like talking to people and that’s great for me cause I love talking to people) but What kind of makes me sad is that it’s not 2 different planets, it’s all the same and the people who are so unkind and crazy on the internet are among us

It’s very weird

loved reading this! thank u so much

i mostly learned english from reading and watching movies etc as well actually but then again i was very young (i was fully fluent by the time i was around 9 i think) and children pick up languages very fast and i live in sweden where american and english media and pop culture is very widespread and part of the culture (probably bc sweden is a western country and america is very dominant in western media in general) so people learn english very well and easily here like swedes are known for it and foreigners often struggle to learn swedish bc the natives all switch to english when they notice u dont speak swedish so lots of foreigners and immigrants have to straight up ask people to talk to them in swedish more so they can learn and practice it lol but i think that goes to show that the best way to learn a language is to watch and read media in that language and observe it in casual conversation rather than just go by how ur taught it in classes etc

i honestly think its a good thing that u didnt partake in social media when u were younger. i think a lot of the people that dont seperate social media from real life are the ones who started using it early so they have almost spent more time in the social media and online world than the actual real world and get less real world interactions than online ones. i think its very unhealthy to not be able to seperate the 2 and just like u said, the online world and the real world are 2 different things and people forget that they are interacting with real living humans thru the screen and thats when it gets toxic and crazy and hostile. people kind of lose their social skills when they only interact with others behind a screen and its very concerning. ive always talked to ppl online the way i would talk face to face and its always weird to me when others dont do the same bc its like would u say these things ur saying online if the person was face to face with u? if u wouldnt then just dont. its cowardly and embarrassing behavior and its just gonna rot ur brain and soul and make u lose touch with reality and how u connect to others on a human level

[chapelpunisher]

hey sorry not that it rlly effects anything since i dont really have a lot of interaction on this blog anymore but um. i guess i need to say im going on an indefinite hiatus on most my social media, mostly so i can do some better healing since i think even after a month i am still deeply wounded by something that in turn became a self sabotage plot. im not proud of my behavior the last 4 months, and am going to take this time to work on parts of myself that i feel like i need to pay more attention to.

theres many factors to all of this, such as my mental health in general the last 4 months have not been entirely the best partially because of starting testosterone and not being proactive in caring for my mental health before it started to get bad again. another big part is having internalized self hatred of a part of myself ive finally come to terms with. lastly, trauma resurfacing that has made me distant and cold.

unfortunately, my brain still keeps trying to convince me things will be okay again but not the way i need it, rather a way id want it to be. so, to avoid making things even worse for myself (though not sure how much more worse i could be after all of this) im just going to try and be happy, let myself metabolize and process everything.

im very much struggling to feel tolerable, but thats no fault to anyone but myself. and i find even when im having an okay time and doing things i love, still having a hard time letting go. i feel like i am a bad person a lot of the time and that ultimately i deserve everything that has happened to me in the last 4 months. so for that, i believe it is time i just work on healing, and learn to be more kinder to myself in terms of internalized stuff.

its hard, some days i feel like i dont care anymore but then it all comes back to me and i ache. and i yearn. and i make up stupid scenarios in my head only to really just hurt myself more. i wish i could be different and show that its not me but a part of me that im going to keep in check and fix so that everyone can see im trying to get better for myself and everyone i care about. i dont think i can bring myself to hate anyone, or to think badly of them through all of this but rather see that they did what they could and cant be my people after all.

i would also like to just apologize if anyone has seen my insane behavior the past month, and i hope that i will never get that bad again in hopes that this time away will help me mental health wise.

tldr; i hurt people closest to me and caused them to leave, decided to stay off social media for awhile, trying to focus on doing better and healing so future relationships that may come up wont end as badly as this one that of course is no fault but my own.

[hexfane]

oh shit i forgot tumblr is the PLACE to BE for oversharing. if you see this but dont care no you dont

absolutely insane rabid chomping at the bit madness in part because *hypo*manic episode and in part because genuine life changes nd trying to unlearn bad habits :~[

i am so fucking sick of holding myself back but i am such a dumb kicked puppy for no reason

i eternally am waiting for the shoe to drop. it always feels like im one second away from getting my heart ripped out of my chest and every day i feel so much shame when i Literally Didnt Do Anything. believe me if i had anything to actually gaf about i wouldn't be willingly expressing shit. but im always like Theyre Going To Get Me. who queen!! or Theyre Going To Find Out. find out what queen!!

why am i ashamed of being happy. why am i ashamed of being myself and doing things i enjoy.

why do i have fucking catholic guilt when i wasnt even raised religious lmao

and especially with big ol neon letters why am i ashamed of the fact i want to be known and cared about? ive internalized the fact im undeserving of care and that im doomed to never have it i dont even start and any attempts to even find piece in the segments of reality i set aside for myself makes me feel like im fucking evil. i get so mad at myself for expressing genuine emotion like actually fucking angry like im doing something wrong and people are going to hate me.

i also have a nebulous counter in my head that decides when i have been Too Free and that Now Everyone Will Hate You. Why Did You Do That? You Have Fucked Up. and i only know when i reach that point after ive done it, and it can be triggered by something as simple as liking a post or literally done absolutely nothing

just kidding i know why! it is the neurodivergence. i feel like the way my brain works makes me exist in a manner inherently incongruent from other people and that i am like a fucking creep for even trying to relate to other people, like i am a subhuman for the way i think and feel and live

i left my job recently bc of dumb petty teenage drama that made me have a massive meltdown at my Grown Ass Age and i think that also really fucked my shit up even further because im like borderline agoraphobic about talking to other people now? or being in situations socially that arent fully normalized to me? like im pushing through it and doing New Things TM but it is pretty taxing mentally and i think im on the butt end of that where now im just kinda empty feeling

also if you read this and are psychoanalyzing me yes i already know i suffer from paranoia/delusion issues and thats a big part of my shit ik. i dont do anything to exacerbate any kind of psychosis because for as much as i meme about it i am a pretty fucking conservative smoker and drinker. i eat my wheaties and shit, body has no reason to make me so crazy, and yet.

just know if i ever talk to you or interact with you in any way i have already accepted the fact that me doing that will make you think less of me just by default and fussed over it internally already before making the decision.

did you enjoy the spectacle, if u got down here? dw i dont mean that in a mean accusatory way i like reading these too, i'm nosey. thanks for listening

[goremet-chef]

random little (very long) vent thing lamaoo

my birthday is soon and im like. IDK ive just been incredibly fucked up recently with like. anti trans legislation and general negativity, so ive been trying to keep away from twitter since thats where i see most of it

last year, my mother had me come get my cake with her and to my surprise it said "happy birthday dominic" and i couldve cried, like i was wearing my face mask cuz it helps my dysphoria but holy shit i was smiling so hard

she said dominic when she sang my bday song with my siblings and it made me really happy

she hasnt called me dominic since, and whatever im like. im not really over it but i will say and act like i am because it prevents me from dwelling on unnecessary pain yknow?

i guess recently she's had a change of heart, cuz she told my sibling that she wants to start calling me by dom and that she doesnt want me to hide who i am from her, and i know what she means definitely

ive been very like.. closed off? especially since her bf came back (he fucking sucks i hate him) i just havent spent time with her or anything unless hes gone cuz i definitely dont feel comfortable being myself around him

anyways this is pretty cool all things considered. i have told her before that i knew she wasnt gonna be part of my journey and ive accepted that, and usually i say shit and she just ignores it but maybe she actually heard that and listened

so, dominic is having his 4th bday soon and im happy about that, but like.. we're gonna go do mini golf for my bday which is a surprise! because i mean. if you know me, i dont really like to leave the house, like at all. i guess thats kinda how covid affected me? theres no reason to leave the house anymore so i guess i wont (and i guess it worked cuz i havent gotten it) but it was like. so horrible for my mental health

like i always said "oh, yeah, i dont mind being inside id prefer to not go outside anyways" and thats true but its like. doubled my social anxiety somehow. im normal in public until theres people around me or god forbid interacting with me 💀💀 the way i act when i have to buy my own shit is awful, i get sweaty and i stutter and i shake, i need to take a long breath after it fucking sucks it feels awful. JUST TO LIKE. PUT SOMETHING AT THE CASH REGISTER AND AHVE THEM ASK IF I WANT A REWARDS CARD OR WHATEVER THATS ITTT it sucks

so yeah im surprised i agreed to it, but its glow in the dark minigolf and one thing about me is i love minigolf and i love glow in the dark im gonna have a five nights at freddy moment (which means i gotta wear my shirt like i just gotta) and im sure itll be great fun (pleased about glow in the dark cuz im sure itll be. DARK in there and i dont have to worry so much about people seeing me)

my problem is that im hanging out with my aunt as well and i love my aunt!! everyone on my dads side except for my dad is amazing i love them, but i dont know how she would be yknow? idk if my mom has spilled the tea about it and told her or if theyre gonna just put my deadname on shit this year again like. i dont know

what if it did say dominic? how would my aunt react? its scary to think about, im so scared to LOSE more of my family

i havent even technically lost my moms side, its just that theyre a bunch of racist queerphobic losers and i know if they knew me, they wouldnt want me anymore

yeah im just stressed about it, all this shit is starting to pile up inside of me and i feel like ill explode and jsut say fuck everyone im ME and i dont give a fuck what you think, cuz no, i dont

my immediate family that i live with knows, my grandma knows, thats all that really matters. the only benefits to knowing my great grandparents is they give me money on my birthday, and that might sound hollow or whatever but its true, they fucking suck

just gettin tired of this sht yknow? even now, there is a hostile on the farm!! my moms bf is so homophobic, most likely transphobic too

hes SPECIFICALLY annoying, all the shit i order comes under dominic and hes brought me my things multiple times so he knows, but he'll still say shit like "thats how females are" or "hello girls" and to me its honestly like

its FUNNY because its like the only thing he knows about me is that to him, im a girl SKFJS like genuinely. i dont share anything with him because i fucking hate him, hes the absolute worst. the fact that theyre married and hes my stepdad technically is something i just deny, im never calling that man my dad lol

anyways im thinking about getting a hip binder? i realize thats one of the things im insecure about, is my fat is at my hip and even when i bind it gives me a feminine sort of shape so a hip binder would be great

i realize that i actually dont care so much if im plus size, i just care if my body looks feminine or not

i will absolutely be your fat guy friend with no hesitation okay like that shit? yes im so content for now like that is acceptable, but yknow fat distributes differently so its either baggy ass clothes orr stay inside SKJF

okay im done talking thanks for coming to my ted talk you are safe (for now)