#because technically it does sound gay but it focuses more on them and relationships has a whole

[indecisive-dizzy]

I’m sorry if my rambling gets annoying, I just love talking about my silly au and I need to actually make some posts or maybe even a side blog about this au so i can ramble on and on about this without invading you ask box ^^

Daisey is part of the gardening club and the photography club in this au, that’s where they meet Frank and become best friends

Howdy is the heir to the Osborn company and he’s in the same grade as Daisey and Frank. Frank and Howdy are brothers in law, Howdy choosing to attend Frank’s school so he can feel more normal

Eddie and Daisey were close when they were little, but they drifted apart as Eddie befriended the more popular crowd (Barnaby, Wally, Julie, etc)

Eddie is closeted gay, has a crush on Frank and pretends to be in a relationship with Julie as a cover

Julie is closeted bisexual and genderfluid, maybe has a crush on Daisey?? She pretends to date Eddie, they’re just good friends that cover for each other

Howdy becomes the Green Goblin (Green Butterfly/other cooler sounding name) because he wanted to further his family’s research and acted on impulse by experimenting on himself

Howdy idolizes Misumena/Daisey and finds their powers and their superhero-ness incredible, but as the Green something he obsesses over finding out how they gained their powers, openly talking about dissecting them to figure it out

That totally doesn’t scare Daisey, who is literally just a teenager who got superpowers by a spider biting them

Howdy and Daisey are foils of each other, specifically in the area of grief

Daisey lost her little sister Evelyn to a carjacking criminal, while Howdy lost his little sister Lizzy to an illness he was trying to find the cure to but failed to

Daisey tries to help people, while Howdy ends up hurting people

Also they’re both technically orphans, (Howdy’s parents focus more on the company than him, Daisey’s parents work most of the time to be able to provide for their daughters but that costs them time with their children)

Flora basically raised Daisey and Evelyn, she figures out pretty quickly what’s happening with Daisey but let’s them open up to her first

Frank becomes a villain after Lizzy’s death and Howdy seemingly going insane trying to figure out Misumena and what they are

Frank doesn’t die, but he does end up with a ton of injuries and has to be on a wheelchair for a while after the fight

Idk what to do with Howdy but I don’t think he’s arrested, poor bug just needs some help

Eddie and Frank end up together, and Julie tries to be nicer to Daisey near the ends after seeing Eddie being with who he really loved

I only watched the first movie, but I think Doctor Octopus is Home and Wally is involved somehow (possibly as an assistant/minion?)

My other ocs are there too, Wallace being a close friend of Daisey’s in the photography club, but they don’t have major roles

The closest think to a big oc role is Andreas’s mother being the one to show and teach the students about the spiders, along with the one that bites Daisey

Kinda random but I think Julie and Daisey audition for a play at the school that Sally (being the student director/theater club leader) is putting on, and that leads to Daisey being Julie’s understudy and Julie asks them to practice lines with her after school together as a date so they can be perfect at the role in case Julie can’t perform

I’ll post on my acc about this AU eventually, but I’ll probably reblog these asks there and make a proper tag for it if anyone doesn’t wanna see it :,3

Oh this is developing amazingly! I like the brother in law choice for Howdy n Frank!

Closeted Eddie n Julie is actually an amazing take I love that,, I love how Eddie and Frank still get together

Howdy could go to a rehabilitation center i think it's called? the prison that's not a prison and actually focuses in helping those in there. He stays until he's mentally better

also love how Daisey and Howdy are foils of each other,, that's actually so cool and clever and makes some of the best hero-villain dynamics

[crystallos-sol]

Hey have another meta on Gray & Natsu because I don't think I went deep enough.

Gray is traumatized and can't even voice his emotions sometimes. Natsu understands him WITHOUT any issues even during this time.

Don't believe me? Here look at this:

Natsu knows Gray just basically said:

" I care about you please take care of yourself "

I'm so emotional about these two because they are great and they understand each other on a deeper wavelength than I have ever seen within Fairy Tail.

I'll throw in multiple examples for you to compare but please come up with your own. Rewatch the show or Read the manga if you want to, there's so many examples that I cannot fit into one post so I have to suffer with a few. (Not including Happy has I think it's best to put people that aren't his kid,,,,)

First up: Lisanna.

I'm not hating on the ship at all. I'm picking people CLOSEST to Natsu & Gray. And she was essentially close to Natsu before her death. They raised Happy together and had a secret hideout for fucks sake.

Lisanna has I recall from the episodes we had of her, was close with Natsu. But something changed. Because her death hurt Natsu and changed him into a different person. That's clear to see. But her death drove a wedge between them and changed the entire relationship for good.

Lisanna was Natsu's friend, back before her death but however I believe that we do not know much of her outside of her death and how it affected Fairy Tail. We also do know about her Family and how it hurt them. But not about Lisanna, from what we can gather from the many episodes of Fairy Tail she is kind hearted and genuinely loves her family and doesn't want to lose them again. (Her reactions to her siblings being thrown into danger.)

But again her death drove fear and grief into Natsu and that's why him and Lisanna aren't exactly close anymore, because Natsu runs from his feelings. It's also hard to talk to someone you haven't seen since you where a teenager.

Up next who is/was close with Gray: Erza. We know Gray ran after her and helped to fix her tears, even making a child's promise about it. We also know, Gray was Erza's first real friend. Gray has a child was close with Erza in that regard. I do believe Erza shoved him away like she does with everything in response to what happened to her. (But that's a post for another time.)

Gray is still close with Erza, but due to Erza never feeling as if she can stop being Titania he is not as close to her as he is Natsu.

Lucy, who is one of Natsu's best friends, is actually close with Natsu. But unlike with Gray Natsu usually is (Ignoring Mashima's horrible writting between for now because that's a WHOLE OTHER issue) saving her or protecting her. At least it was like that until recently when Lucy finally got the character development and upgrade she deserves.

Lucy is close to Natsu but Natsu also doesn't want to lean on her. Yes you can qoute multiple instances and scenes where it appears he is leaning on her. But however with this you have to take into account the period of time Natsu has known her. The trust issues Natsu already has and previous trauma he has gotten and even new trauma!

Now it gets worse because this is dipping a little into Mashima's terrible characterization and understanding of how people function and feel. Especially women. Take Lisanna and Lucy, if you think about it they are essentially the same fucking character. Both are kind, stubborn, where hurt by someone they love, left their home behind for a number of years, painted has a badass while also simultaneously being soft and delicate.

Sound familar?

Because that's basically the Mashima guide to write a female character. Now what really gets me is the final thing that really cements it. They both have been/are in the supporting role for Natsu. Don't you dare go saying: But Lucy is the main character!

You, like the rest of is because Mashima wrote her like shit, didn't even know that until the interview or you saw that Fairy Tail fact post. The majority of us thought it was Natsu. Because in reality Mashima did NOT start writting her like a main character. He did not give her the good motivation every single damn Fairy Tail Character has.

Lucy & Lisanna have the same number of things that make up their characterization, and yes so do a number of Fairy Tail characters. But that's not the point. The point is that Lucy reminds Natsu of Lisanna in some ways and Natsu cannot bring himself to trust and lean on her fully like he can with Gray. It is not an attack on Nalu. Nalu is a fine ship if only written correctly (aka: Not Mashima's Version Which Is Horrible And Toxic But That's Another Meta For Another Time.).

This is a post about how Gray and Natsu are close. That's it. Natsu cannot bring himself to fully trust Lucy and lean on her comfortably without 1) forcing himself, 2) it happening outside of his control because of past trauma which by the way knowing Natsu he did not do anything about it and most likely bottled it up.

Wow that was a long session on Lucy but in summary: Natsu is traumatized and is not mentally healthy like the entirety of the Guild.

Now, the last one, which I'm sure you can GUESS. It's Juvia. Because some people think that Gray and Juvia are the " closest people! " And " he doesn't let anyone really touch him other than her! "

1) Bullshit. And 2) Bullshit. Here's why:

Juvia is a toxic character who stalks and uncomfortably idolizes Gray to the point it's fucking ridiculous. There are multiple scenes of her following (stalking) Gray around and being jealous of Lucy. Even declaring her a " Love Rival ".

This is probably because: Gray was the first person that was decent to her. (She was bullied for who knows how long and involved in a toxic guild + an abusive relationship.) Before you say shit about Gajeel: He's not nice. Gajeel before all of this, was an asshole, now he is nice which is pretty cool and a great character development. Back then? He was not nice.

Which brings me to Gray. Who even is okay with being stalked, being grabbed randomly and having someone so obsessed with you they made fucking dolls of you? No one. Before you argue: But he doesn't pull away from her!

Gray is most likely touch starved. Considering his entire background and general tendency to not receive hugs or any sort of affection usually. My evidence for this? Myself. I am touch starved and I often react bad to touches from strangers or creepy people but I also have a late reaction time. Because my body is saying: Oh touch???? And my brain is screaming: No.

He also could be trying to be decent. Which is all he did in the first place. He could be trying to not hurt her feelings and yes you could say he hurt Mira's feelings when he called her stupid for betting on Natsu but he also was apologising and panicky because he didn't want to hurt her.

Also if I even have to explain further why being stalked and basically turned into a fetish and an object is a bad thing then clearly something is fucking wrong with you.

Gray however feels safe likely with Natsu, who's been there from the beginning, took on Deliora, fought too many people just because one of his friends are in danger, has repeatedly stopped Gray from using Iced Shell and was ready to Die with him.

Natsu in return probably feels safe and like he can trust Gray to handle himself because this man has been there since day one and even can take Natsu himself on with no problem. Natsu also probably is happy Gray is nothing like Lisanna or Lucy. Because Gray is Gray and he doesn't remind Natsu of anything traumatizing he's been through.

They both trust one another and stay by one another's side because they are both understanding that they aren't gonna leave. Because think about it, Gray has lost family and his mentor to death. He has suffered through that. You wanna know who's constantly beating death on its ass???? Natsu " I refuse to die " Dragneel.

Natsu has lost family by being abandoned and by Death. He got it both ways and he's suffering because of it. But Gray who's stubborn has shit and stood death in the face at a young age and screamed fuck you at the top of his lungs, wouldn't leave. Gray who fucking went through hell and back, destoryed his own infiltration mission just because Natsu Dragneel rolled up, Keeps Trying To Protect Him, Never once wants to lose Natsu. And Natsu knows that. Because Gray is his constant. Gray is that constant presence in his life he knows for a fact he can trust.

But idfk that's just my thoughts on them.

[goldenashes-if]

I understand where bi anon was coming from, it's of course important not to do something like this just out of spite, but I'm quite sure that's not what's happening here. "Letting the player choose the ros genders and “risking” having straight people play the game is a better option than indirectly invalidating the many Queer identities that include the opposite gender and would like to be able to romance a variety of gender identities." When it comes to this part I have to ask why it would be invalidating to other Queer identities that there exists a game that only caters to same gender attraction? There are quiet numerous games in If where you can choose the gender of the RO's. I see this happen often when a game or another piece of media caters to a very specific audience, that it gets seeing as a bad thing. We can all agree that it's not good when the majority of the general media is heteronormative, however a few games in the If community that are focused on gay relationships are not the same thing, not even close. A game like this does not erase other Queer identities, it focuses on a specific part in that group. We can't expect all media and art to cater to everyone all the time (now this can be done wrong and out of spite, but I am talking about good fate catering). That puts an incredible pressure especially on creators that do it for a hobby or don't have a huge following. It expects independent creators to become a form of justice to battle against the majorly heteronormative media, but that's not something you can expect from anyone. Exploring all Queer identities is incredibly important and should be done in different ways. One good way is something like this game, a focus on one small part of it. That way you can explore that identity in a much more broad and deeper way. Just like many people in the If community, I think it's amazing that you can choose the gender of the Ro's, but I don't think I'm the only one who has noticed that sometimes this creates a scenario where nothing about that gets explored deeply and (this includes mass media) is shown under a heteronormative light. This really isn't done out of a bad place most of the time, but it naturally happens when someone who doesn't know much about Queer identity tries to include it and it also happens because of time and complexities of variety. This is what many games like Dragon Age do as well. You can technically play the whole game without ever knowing that an Ro is bi, they just become what you want. Zevran was changed from gay to bi so the female audience could have more romance options (at least later on in Inquisition we have Dorian). This is great for "diversity" of choice, but what about the deeper parts of it all? It can and often does just completely erase identity and the complexities of attraction. I think it's also good to point out that this also happens to gay Ro's in an otherwise bi or hetero cast. "Why not just make them gender selectable?", gets asked often by people who want them to be the opposite gender, probably with no further thought to identity and how offensive that is. To end this I want to make it clear for Anon that this is not written to make light out of your message, but I think without noticing it yourself, it ignores the complexity of Queer identity and makes it sound like it's better that Ro's cater to everyone. As I explained it is a nice idea and I don't think we should stop doing it, however that often causes all depth of identity to disappear. This can be done in a way that there is good commentary depending on the MC's and Ro's gender, but I rarely ever see it happen. Catering to a specific audience can be good, especially when we talk about a minority.

.

[im-the-punk-who]

Hey, I was wondering if you have a book rec

!!

Okay so in full disclosure, I have a really hard time reading books. My brain sometime around six years ago just decided that wasn't its style anymore, so I don't read a TON. A lot of these aren’t going to be recent releases. However, here are a bunch of books I would absolutely recommend checking out! I tried to include a variety of genres but I have uh.....five bookshelves in my apartment so if you're looking for more of a certain genre let me know!

Theatre:

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead - Tom Stoppard

Waiting for Godot - Samuel Beckett

These are my two favorite plays - they're both absurdist, humorous, and have some fun things to say. They’re both by old white guys but like....I love both Tom Stoppard and Samuel Beckett DEEPLY and they have all of my love and respect.

Non-Fiction/Educational:

Why are all the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria by Beverly Daniel Tatum - this is considered a 'classic' on the psychology of racism, and was particularly helpful for me as a white person in arming myself against 'reverse racism' thoughts and in dissembling my own prejudices. This is mostly a rec for other white folks, but Tatum also addresses 'having the courage to sit at the black table' as a way of claiming your own identity outside of the stereotypes the dominant society expects of you.

Daring Greatly by Brene Brown - Okay listen I just really REALLY love Brene Brown, she is a therapist most famous for her TED talk about Vulnerability and this is just...listen I really like to read this book when I am sad and feel like shit because it makes me feel strong. I reread this book at least once a year.

Imagined Communities by Benendict Anderson - This is an absolutely fascinating read on the rise of nationalism. It’s a bit dry and wordy, but the ideas and use of history as propaganda, spinning the story of a nation to pit it against or on the same side as other nations, and the ways in which these tactics shaped cultural history is just!!!! Amazing.

Gay New York by George Chauncey - This is just one of the most informative and interesting reads of queer history in New York that I’ve ever come across. It’s one of the ‘must reads’ of queer history and has so many interesting tidbits that I have to recommend it. It’s a bit old(published in 1994) but I still find it relevant and interesting to read.

Personal Fiction/Autobiographical Fiction

White Girls by Hilton Als - I went to a reading of this book when it first came out. It was so much fun and so eye-opening for me as a baby queer in NYC that I bought the book there. I wanna be really clear that Als does not pull punches and a lot of people don’t quite like it, but I love Als’ style of writing. The stories and essays in this book are amazing and funny and heartbreaking and informative of queer experience - particularly black queer experience - that I always feel like...honored? to experience through writing? This is one of those ‘you’re gonna suffer but you’re gonna be happy about it’ reads - it can be hard to face because of how very hard the pills are to swallow but like....gosh I just love this book and it’s interesting and hilarious and great.

Confessions of an Economic Hitman by John Perkins  - this is my tin hat favorite. It hits....ugh. This is one of those books that came out and like every government agency freaked the fuck out over it. It’s an interesting look into the quote-unquote dark underbelly of capitalism; how and why countries manipulate each other through economic policies. Super interesting read with a nice style of prose.

The Know-It-All: One Man's Humble Quest to become the Smartest Person in the World by A.J. Jacobs Okay so full disclosure I have not finished reading this, but I’m far enough through to rec it. This book chronicles the author’s attempt to read the entire Encyclopedia Brittanica from front to back, and it is just as kooky and hilarious as it sounds. I am very incredibly and deeply offended this author stole both my schtick and my initials, thereby preventing me from doing this exact thing. I read through the phone book in its entirety when I was three. I had it in me. Anyway, this is basically the author just listing weird interesting facts he’s read about and connecting them to his daily life, but it’s a fun read, and you learn a lot of totally useless facts, which is absolutely my jam.

When Skatboards Will Be Free by Saïd Sayrafiezadeh - HI I LOVE THIS BOOK. I’ve read it maybe three times over. It’s so fun and interesting. You may notice that a lot of the books I rec are very absurdist in their humor, and this is no exception. This book is full of the dry wit and just weird goddamn shit you could only expect from the child of a revolution that never came. You want to read a book about someone who Went Through Shit? Read this book. It’s funny and heartbreaking and just. AHHHH. Seriously I cannot recommend this enough.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosch - FIGHT ME ON THIS. I love this book.....so much. Yes it’s technically a comic book but the stories are so INTERESTING and hilarious and full of exactly the dry absurdist humor I eat the fuck up. Also! Allie Brosch recently released a sequel of sorts called Solutions and Other Problems that I recommend without even reading it.

Poetry

Pansy by Andrea Gibson - IF YOU ARE NOT READING THE POETRY OF ANDREA GIBSON WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING WITH YOUR LIFE. I cried seven times reading this book. There are only like 14 poems. Please please read this to break your own queer heart :)

Bloodsport by Yves Olade - This is a tiny book full of absolutely devastating poetry. Most of it has to do with the grief of relationships, but like....gosh I love all of Olade’s stuff. (Also!! This is available as a pay-what-you-wish pdf!!)

Bright Dead Things by Ada Limón - This book focuses a lot on the author’s experiences of loss, and knowing that loss is going to happen. I’m completely devastated every time I read this.

Science Fiction/Fantasy

The Bartimeaus Sequence by Jonathan Stroud - So what if I am a dumb millennial I love this series. It’s another dry and deadpan humor, with weird additions and Stroud’s use of footnotes to absolutely crack me the fuck up means I gotta rec this. I just gotta. Four(I think?) books following the deeply unlikeable Nathaniel and his Djinn Bartimaeus, who just wants to eat humans and have a deeply enjoyable enemies to lovers plotline with his arch rival.

The Magic's Price Trilogy by Mercedes Lackey - Okay I know I’ve recced this before. I will rec it again. This was the very first series I ever read that featured a gay protagonist and I was. Devastated? Reformed? I latched onto Vanyel Ashkevron and I am never letting this depressed emo boy go. Try me, I bite. Seriously, this book was released in the 80s and yet it is still relevant, I still cry - god i LOVE this series SO MUCH. And, MERCEDES LACKEY actually invented unbury your gays, sorry I make the rule on that one. :) Also there are magic talking horses??????? Seriously please read this series I love it so much.

Fire Bringer & The Sight by David Clement-Davies - This is another series that was absolutely formative in my baby lexicon. These are books about magical animals and their inner societal workings and both books address the ideas of good, evil, darkness, compassion and good will, and destiny. I am obsessed with these books, they are some of the most interesting of the genre I’ve read, and so incredibly intricately written. LOVE these books.

Vampire Earth Series by E. E. Knight - The Witcher before it was cool. Sort of but like...there are schools of Cat, Bear, etc and it has COOL VAMPIRES I LOVE THSI SERIES. Basically, earth has been taken over by a race of alien ‘Vampires’ and follows a human involved in the resistance. The writing in this series is...wow. It’s so intricate and interesting and involved. I own the whole series because I love it so much, including the after-series hardback novels. I’m so messy and I love it.

Kindred by Octavia Butler - You know how people are like ‘YOU SHOULD READ OCTAVIA BUTLER!!’ ? You should absolutely do that. This novel is mindblowing and interesting and the pace and narrative are so so so interesting. Heartbreaking, god, horrific. Butler is an amazing writer and this novel, while my personal favorite, is not by any means the only of her books I would recommend. STORIES. STORIES!!!!!!!

Fiction

The Ballad of Barnabas Pierkiel: A Novel by Magdalena Zyzak - This book is so fucking good. It’s imaginative, funny, intelligent....it’s honestly one of the best fiction novels I’ve ever read. Again, dry, absurdist humor, this book sort of reminds me of Terry Pratchett’s style of writing.

The Call of the Wild by Jack London - This is a classic, a true classic. The social commentary of this book is so so good, London’s style flows and, personally, as a dog and animal expert, the anthropomorphisation of Buck and his fellow animals is just so well done. I love this book, it’s quite an easy read, and I reread it at least once a year.

Rolling the R's by R. Zamora Linmark - Okay. Okay okay!!!!!! I gotta take a deep breath about this one. This book is. Yuh. This is a bit younger leaning than the other fictions, focusing almost entirely on high school level characters, however the experiences and commentary is just so so good. Focusing on a diverse group of characters growing up in Hawaii in the 1970′s, this book addresses the intersectionalities of gender, sexuality, race, immigration, education, and how we define who we are. I’m obsessed.

A Separate Peace by John Knowles - A heartbreaking novel about war, innocence, adolescence, and how we hide from our truths. It’s...so good, this book hurts me a LOT okay. The prose is phenomenal, the story is poignant, and it feels like I’m ripping my own heart out with a fishhook every time I finish it.

The Toss of a Lemon by Padma Viswanathan - This is one of those books I half recommend because it’s so good, and half because of the deep wealth of knowledge it presents the reader. The author’s use of her own culture is just....goddddddddd. Intricate and interesting and so delicately included in the narrative that you can feel the love the author has for it. It’s a long read and it took me almost a month to get through reading every day, but god. It’s so soft and amazingly written I both wanted to read it all at once and take my time with it. This is another one that deals with the duality of humanity and how we connect with one another. Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!

P.S. Your Cat Is Dead by James Kirkwood Jr. - I love this book I love this book I LOVE THIS BOOK. It’s fucking hilarious, entertaining, I literally laughed out loud at every single chapter. Hilarious and poignant and surprisingly deep, this book literally follows the journey of a man in which literally everything that could go wrong does. It’s fucking hilarious.

I hope that helped and gave you some new books!!! <3

[ghoste-catte]

multiples of 3 ✌🏼-sgmdrcklee

@sagemoderocklee you’re really trying to kill me lol

This got long as heck so I’m throwing it behind a cut. Read on for answers and fic recs! (Mostly the fic recs)

3. favorite line/scene you wrote this year

This is a tough one to answer for me generally because I tend to spit words onto the page and once I have written them I no longer remember writing them. And 2020 has stretched on so long that as I’m looking at some of the stuff I wrote in the beginning of this year, I hardly remember what’s even in it. I think at one point someone (@goblin-draws maybe?) mentioned a line in Sleeptalk with Me where the innkeeper calls Kankuro “chubby boy”, and I was like “Oh ... did I write that? Yeah, sounds like something I’d have someone say to Kankuro ...” 

It might be easier to talk about this in other terms. One of the scenes I worked the hardest on this year was the fight scene in Chapter 3 of Skeleton Key. The original draft of the scene was a lot shorter, and a lot of the backstory for Misaki’s revenge quest was elided. The scene as originally written was clunky, confusing, and as my lovely wife/beta put it sounded “like a Naruto villain” was doing the dialogue, when previously she’d found Misaki sinister and intriguing. Which wasn’t what I wanted. I basically entirely overhauled the scene and re-wrote it several times. I wouldn’t call it a ‘favorite’ scene (I hate writing fight scenes generally; having chosen to immerse myself in a fandom about ninja where much of the drama comes from battle is my eternal regret), but it is a scene that I put a lot of effort into, and I’m moderately satisfied with the improved product that resulted.  

6. least popular fic this year

By far my least popular fic by kudos ever is Pitch Perfect. Which makes complete sense to me. It’s a fic where I’ve written 2 characters who are men in canon as cis women, which pushes a lot of uncomfortable buttons for a lot of people. It contains F/F smut, which is something that a lot of people who choose to read GaaLee probably aren’t out there looking for. And people comment and kudos less on smutfics, I assume because they don’t want their username attached to porn or because they’re embarrassed (which I totally get, no shame there). It’s a modern AU with a sports twist, and AUs are often less popular than canonverse in my experience. I will say though that it has a surprisingly high number of private bookmarks compared to other fics with comparable hit and kudos counts. So I assume people are just a bit more shy because the premise is so ‘out there’. I will say as far as my fics go, it’s one of my personal favorites and probably one of the most intimate and true-to-life things I’ve written? So it actually is a little comforting to know that something so vulnerable has relatively little attention. 

9. longest wip of the year

If we’re going based on stuff that’s partially published but not complete, my Gaara-adopts-Shinki fic On My Way Home is my longest in-progress fic at just over 20k words, although technically I started it in 2019. It will probably end up being right around 40-50k when it’s complete, which might end up situating it as my longest fic ever? 

12. favorite character to write about this year

Okay, this is an easy one. I love writing Kankuro. I think he is hilarious. He is the devil on my shoulder and a creature of pure id, and every time I write a line of dialogue for him it’s the summation of my rudest thoughts about a situation put in the crudest possible terms. If there were a megaphone directly from my unfiltered brain giving running commentary, that would be Kankuro.

15. something you learned this year

I have learned SO much this year! This is only my 2nd year properly ‘focusing’ on writing fic and investing any substantial time into it. I think the biggest thing I have learned, though, is how to overcome a lot of my self-consciousness about writing stories with NSFW elements in them. Starting out, I was so extremely shy and mortified about writing fic at all, much less things like hugging or (god forbid!) kissing. So taking on the smut prompts I took this year and really buckling down on learning to write the mechanics and emotions of sex has been a massive learning experience. (And sorry, by the way, if I haven’t gotten to a prompt you sent me in January yet. I do intend to write all of them eventually!) 

18. current number of WIPs

Ah. The call-out question. My general fic process is idea -> outline -> wip -> edit -> ready to post (where the final draft sits in my docs until I gin up the courage to actually post it). So skipping fics that are just “ideas” on the big mega-list, I have 3 fics in the “outline” stage, 13 fics in the partially written “wip” stage, 1 fic in the “editing” stage, and 2 that are complete but yet-to-be-posted. So, like, 19 total in the offing. (The “ideas” list is even worse lol.)

21. most memorable comment/review

This is such a difficult question because every single comment I get makes me do a little dance for joy. That’s not an exaggeration btw I really sit there and like bounce around in my seat for a moment before I open the Ao3 email. I am not an especially emotive person irl, but there have been times I’ve been brought near tears by comments. I’ll also occasionally show them to my wife like !! look at this nice thing this person said !! and she’s indulgent enough to actually read them. There have been a couple comments that have really stuck with me, that I starred in my inbox and return to frequently, but I don’t want to bring attention to someone else without their permission. I will say there was one person recently who mentioned (not in the comments on one of my fics) that they had found someone who does physical binding of fanfiction and they were about to ask my permission to do that, but then the person who does the binding only does certain ships that she likes ... so that, just, absolutely floored me. The idea that someone might actual want a physical copy of my stupid little ninja fanfictions is, like, so truly immense and completely overwhelming?

24. favorite fic you read this year

You can’t make me pick just one!! (For reference, I have bookmarked right around 180 fics in the past year, and that’s not including fics that I just read, really enjoyed, but didn’t think I could ‘handle’ a second time around.) So, skipping over the ones that AREN’T Naruto ... here is a brief sampling of some faves:

Silica by deepestbluest (rated E, GaaLee, ShikaTema, and Kankiba) - An absolute emotional powerhouse of a fic that manages to skillfully interweave three complex relationship dynamics, satisfactorily resolve them, and give you ALL the sandsibs feels in just over 10k words. 

Childhood Not-Friends (series) by MegaWallflower (rated G, KakaGai) - @megawallflower is a KakaGai god for good reason. Absolutely adorable relationship development fics (five of them!) with the premise that Kakashi thinks he and Gai have been dating since they were kids ... Gai just hasn’t been clued into it yet. These stories will give you heart-eyes.

The Bright Side by gidget_goes (rated T, GaaLee) - This is the Buffy AU I never knew I needed, because I’ve never seen Buffy the Vampire Slayer. But truly you don’t need any Buffy knowledge to enjoy this fic. @gidget-goes command of imagery is masterful, and the way they manage to snap from snark to tugging at your heartstrings is awe-inspiring. Gaara breaks my heart in this. And did I mention Kankuro wears a 10-gallon hat? Because Kankuro wears a 10-gallon hat. 

Nature vs. Nurture by Bidiza (rated T, GaaLee) - So introspective and so poetic. This looks like a WIP but it’s actually multiple oneshots, although by the end of the second one you’ll be dying for the rest of the promised series. 

I’m a Fool to Want You by BeelieveRosemarie (rated M, GaaLee) - Turns out @tuttiefruttiegaalee isn’t just an amazing artist, they’re a writer, too! Slow-dancing that will break your heart. Listen to the Frank Sinatra song while you read this for extra tear-jerking effect.

Let Love be Known (series) by TenTomatoes (rated G, GaaLee) - This is the twist on the arranged marriage trope and Beauty and the Beast that I didn’t realize this fandom was missing. I’m absolutely obsessed with their concept of Gaara as the Beast

I Could Be by LilacNoctua (rated T, GaaLee) - I know I big up @lilac-writes Worthwhile series a lot (deservedly so, because it’s so good it makes you look at the series and go “Why the fuck didn’t Kishimoto make this canon exactly like this?”), but this story made me absolutely die between the butterflies in my stomach and how hard I was laughing. There’s one line--you’ll know it when you read it--that absolutely bowls me over every time I re-read this. 

And Then Continue by EgregiousDerp (rated E, GaaLee) - Obviously I’m biased because this was a gift, but @egregiousderp writes some of the the best characterized porn I’ve ever read. You will read this and go “Wow! This is exactly how it would happen!” It’s such a tender, beautiful exploration of Gaara’s insecurities and a very real feeling first time, for all its soft edges. 

Cake by citronelle (rated E, KanKiba) - I don’t even know what to say about this one other than ... phew, this is extremely well written, extremely hot, and extremely in character. Just read it. I promise it’s worth it. 

Saudade by YumKiwiDelicious (rated M, GaaLee) - I’ve run around reccing this to just about every person on the face of the earth at this point. If you’re in the GaaLee Discord you probably saw everyone salivating over every new update of this fic and with good reason. The twists and turns of this fic will have you on the edge of your seat, second guessing every single moment. And it will break your heart in the meantime. What more could you want?

the love potion commotion by floating_cats (rated T, NejiSasu with background GaaLee) - One of those fics where you wish the author’s sense of humor was your own. So many hilarious moments in this story, and it brought me a new appreciation for a ship I never would have even considered. 

Finger Lickin’ Good by whazzername (rated E, GaaLee) - Whazz is another one of those authors where I literally want to rec every single thing she’s ever written, she’s just that good. (Speaking of which, if you haven’t read Fools Rush In and its sequel Degrees of Separation, you’re missing out on the best possible Metal origin story of all time. Don’t deprive yourself of this.) But this story is just ... so incredibly in character for a situation that reads like crack. It’s handled with the utmost straight-facedness and it’s so. freakin’. good. 

heart lines by winterberry_holly (rated M, NejiTen and GaaLee) - I don’t even have the words to describe how perfect this fic is. It’s a truly beautiful exploration of Tenten’s relationship with her palmistry hobby and with the people in her life. My heart ached with every single line. 

Standing on Ceremony by kuroashi (rated E, GaaLee) - This is just ... such a beautiful wedding story. So lovely, like getting the best possible warm hug from someone you love. If that love one was slightly strange and socially inept, because, well. It’s still Gaara doing Gaara-things. @baphometsss is another one of those authors whose handling of smut scenes is so stupendous it makes me wildly jealous. 

Thrall by RokiRiot (rated T, GaaLee) - Idiots-to-lovers with a magic AU twist! This is such a wonderful story, and Gaara’s internal monologue is absolutely amazing. And Lee is Deaf in this fic, which I never ever get to see and which absolutely made my entire day/week/month/life. 

Make-Out Consequences by LuxaLucifer (rated M, KakaGai with background canon Boruto ships) - I laughed so hard reading this that I had to take a breather to stop crying. That’s not an exaggeration. The characterization in this fic is impeccable and the humor is to die for. Naruto’s buffoonery truly shines here, and the author’s wit is just beyond anything I could even properly summarize. Hysterical. A++. 

Thirteen Strokes by Luna_Lee (rated T, GaaLee) - Again, like, if you aren’t reading literally everything @sagemoderocklee writes, are you even really a GaaLee fan? But this fic is beyond even for one of Eeri’s incredibly excellent writings. The worldbuilding in this, the cultural notes, the imagery ... it’s all so lush and so fulfilling and so beautiful. It’s a story about love and it’s a story that you can tell has love poured into every single line. I can’t recommend it enough. 

Checkmate by shadowstrangle (rated G, GaaLee) - The pettiness vibes ... this is so funny. Such a cute story and I love Gaara’s sense of humor here. Not a lot of writers give him a sense of humor, but I love how @shadowstrangle gives him a slightly odd, slightly left-of-center take on humor that still manages to be so funny. 

To Court a Village by FanFictionEngineer (rated G, GaaLee) - Another one where my bias is perhaps slightly obvious, but the premise of this fic is amazing. I love cultural misunderstandings, and the idea of Lee trying his hardest to court Gaara ineptly is just so perfect. 

affliction of feeling by theformerone (rated E, SakuHina) - One of those ships that it would never have occurred to me to seek out but that absolutely works with how the author’s set it up. The dynamics here are delicious. It’s so rare to find good F/F porn but this is one of them for sure. 

Tried and Tested by twentysomething (Rated M, KakaIru with background canon Boruto ships and GaaLee) - Iruka’s narration in this story is just incredible. I haven’t laughed this hard reading a fic in ages. And the concept alone (that Naruto can’t be promoted to Hokage until he passes his chuunin exams ... as an adult ... and Sasuke gets dragged along for the ride) is just brilliant. Amazing concept, amazingly executed. 

a fireside waltz by winterberry_holly (rated M, GaaLee) - I really tried not to rec a single author more than once here but for this one I had to. I got about halfway through this fic and immediately started running around ringing the town crier bell like READ THIS FIC! READ THIS FIC! An absolutely smoldering Regency AU with such beautiful, intimate dance scenes. My heart was racing every single time their fingers brushed. If you don’t read anything else on this list, at the very least read this. 

27. favorite fanfic author of the year

I really can’t pick just one. I am lucky enough that @egregiousderp passes me her drafts under the table before (or without) publishing, and getting to read those is a private treat of unparalleled proportions. Some of my favorite things I’ve read this year I can’t even rec because they’re her unpublished stuff. 

30. favorite fandom to read fic from this year

This is gonna come off strange because I just wrote such a long Naruto reclist, but I recently watched What We Do in the Shadows, and found an incredibly talented group of authors in that fandom with really amazingly good dialogue and narrative voice. I also read a lot of fic for the new It movies (even though I couldn’t watch the 2nd one for ~reasons~), and damn if there isn’t a talented crop of authors in that fandom, too. And finally with ATLA making its way onto Netflix, I had the chance to start watching that for the first time and found a ton of really good fic there as well! 

fanfic end of the year asks!

[supercalvin]

8+W for Merthur, with bonus Gwaine being Gwaine

8. Crime Show AU + W. Pretend Relationship

Prompts (or any prompt)  + Ficlets

***

Arthur first noticed something was off when Arthur walked into the break room to find Gwaine crowding Merlin into the corner. Merlin was rolling his eyes as Gwaine teasingly said ‘Merlin’ in a sing-song voice.

“I told you, you are ridiculous,” Merlin said.

“And I told you, I think it’s a brilliant plan,” Gwaine leaned even closer.

Arthur cleared his throat, “Gentlemen.”

Gwaine leaned away from Merlin with a smile. Merlin rolled his eyes and turned back to the coffee machine.

“Thank god, I can finally make my coffee in peace.” Merlin said, “Arthur, can you please give Gwaine an assignment? He’s bored to tears.”

Arthur narrowed his eyes.

***

The second time he noticed something off was when Arthur went down to the forensics lab to get a report from Merlin. When Arthur stepped off the elevator on the basement floor, Arthur heard Gwaine’s voice down the hall.

“Let me know if you need any more pictures, baby! I can make them as scantily clad as you like.”

“I will strangle you and use your body as autopsy practice!” Merlin’s voice, shrill and annoyed, was followed by Gwaine’s booming laughter.

When Gwaine turned the corner, he didn’t seem at all bothered that his boss had caught him red-handed. Arthur raised a brow at Gwaine, waiting for some sort of humility. He didn’t get any.

Gwaine patted Arthur on the shoulder and gave him a wink.

When Arthur entered Merlin’s lab, he was staring at his phone.

Arthur cleared his throat.

Merlin jumped so high Arthur was surprised he didn’t fling his phone across the room.

“Merlin.”

“Arthur.”

He hid his phone behind his back, as if Arthur wouldn’t see it.

Arthur sighed, “Can I please have that report? And put your phone away.”

***

“Has Gwaine been bothering you?”

“Huh? Merlin looked up from his microscope, his safety goggles crooked on his face.

“Because if he is, I can talk to him. I can make it vague, if you don’t want to him to know.”

He pushed the goggles up his nose, “What are you talking about? Gwaine is one of my best mates.”

Arthur felt his own mouth tighten, “I’m just offering to talk to him.  You know. As your boss. I want to make sure he isn’t bothering you.”

“Oh, is this about…” Merlin’s sentence stuttered to a halt and Arthur visibly noticed a blush run up his neck to his ears. “It’s fine, Arthur. Don’t worry about it.”

“If you say so,” Arthur conceded reluctantly, “You know where to find me.”

***

The third time, Arthur was seriously starting to get annoyed. Arthur had brought Gwaine along on a high profile murder investigation along with two officers, Kay and Leon. When Gwaine answered his phone, Arthur had hoped it was a call-back from an important witness. Instead Gwaine had winked at officers, “Oh hey, Merlin. No, love, I have a moment. Tonight? Yeah, I’d love to. I’ll take you to that new pub you found. Hm-mm. Okay, baby. Yeah, you too.”

Leon looked bemused. Kay looked absolutely disgusted.

Arthur wanted to murder Gwaine, but he couldn’t quite justify his rage. Work-place relationships weren’t against any rules but they were frowned upon. And Gwaine’s lack of decorum was typical, so that wasn’t a good enough reason for the roiling fury in his stomach. Last year, Gwaine had a fling with a secretary and he had been the same way. But that hadn’t even been on Arthur’s radar. Now, Arthur couldn’t stop thinking about it. Perhaps it was because Merlin was Arthur’s friend. Perhaps it was because Arthur thought Merlin deserved better.

Arthur was broken out of his thoughts by Kay’s snarl, “Can you keep that shit to a minimum?”

“Hm?” Gwaine fluttered his lashes dimly, “What do you mean?” Arthur knew Gwaine wasn’t as dumb as he played at. He and Merlin had that in common. They could play the fool well enough. The question was: why was Gwaine playing Kay?

“You know exactly what I mean, you-”

Kay’s eyes flicked to Arthur and he halted mid-sentence. Gwaine’s lips split into a grin. That was interesting.

Kay huffed and stomped off. Gwaine shimmed his shoulders, like a pleased cat. “Wonder what’s wrong with him?” Gwaine said with a smile, like he knew exactly what was wrong with him.

***

Arthur was good at his job. He was thorough and persistent. So Arthur was a little embarrassed to admit it took him this long to figure out what was happening.

It all came to a head, a day after they had solved a case. Afternoons post-case were typically spent at their desks, filling out paper work and crossing all the t’s and dotting all the i’s. Arthur was walking to the file room to grab something, when he heard something inside.  Arthur’s gut told him to listen before he went in. And he was glad he did.

“Look, I don’t give a shit what you do outside of work,” Arthur heard Kay’s voice, far too aggressive for a slow-day at the office. “But keep your disgusting acts away from my eyes.”

“What acts would that be?” That was Gwaine’s voice, “Does it get your panties in a twist that I have a boyfriend and you don’t?”

There was the sound of a filing cabinet creaking, and Arthur wasn’t going to wait any longer. He opened the door just in time to see Kay pushing Gwaine against a filing cabinet and call him a slur Arthur never wanted to hear out of one his officer’s mouths again.

“Kay!” Arthur barked.

Kay recoiled so quickly that he dropped Gwaine to the ground. Gwaine, didn’t seem at all bothered. He smiled at Arthur, “Good timing, Captain.”

“Kay, you better have a good explanation for yourself. I really would hate to file a hate-crime report against one of my own officers.”

Kay stuttered for a bit. Arthur stepped up close to him. Kay was taller than Arthur, but that didn’t seem to matter at the moment. The man was cowed by his Captain and he looked like an ant to Arthur. Arthur had never lost faith in one of his team so quickly in his life. He turned away from the officer and gave Gwaine a helping hand.

“Is Merlin involved in this?” Arthur asked.

“Caught on to that, did you?” Gwaine said jovially.

“Bring him to my office in half an hour,” Arthur said, turning back to Kay. “My office. Now.”

In less than ten minutes Arthur had suspended Kay. In twenty minutes, he had written up Gwaine’s report and filed it with his superiors.

By the time Merlin arrived, Arthur had thoroughly worked up a rage.

Merlin knocked on Arthur’s door frame, looking confused, “Gwaine told me to come to your office?  I’m not getting sacked, am I?”

Arthur gestured to the door, and Merlin closed it.

“I’ve suspended Kay. He will likely not be coming back after the report goes through.”

Merlin looked shell-shocked by this news as he sank down into the chair across from Arthur’s.

Arthur gritted his teeth, “I told you if anyone was bothering you, to come to me.”

“I didn’t have any proof,” Merlin groaned, the voice of a man who had said this fact several times. He had obviously caught on to what had happened, and his understanding confirmed Arthur’s suspensions: Kay had been harrassing Merlin for quite some time.

“So you enlisted Gwaine’s help?”

“No!” Merlin groaned, covering his face with his hands. “I was complaining about Kay being passive-aggressive and saying some things under his breath, and then Gwaine got this idea in his head that we should fuel the fire.”

“Ah…” Arthur nodded, “I see.”

“So you’re not angry with me?”

“I’m absolutely furious, Merlin.”

Merlin winced a little, but not out of fear. He looked a little guilty. “Gwaine got a bit out of hand.”

“Not about that, Merlin, you absolute idiot. Why didn’t you come to me?”

“I, uh, I didn’t know if… Well, my previous bosses hadn’t really been…”

Arthur clenched his jaw.

“Well, that was their mistake. I’m sorry, Merlin. I have failed you. As a boss and as a friend.”

“Oh, um,” Merlin looked a little embarrassed by Arthur’s sincerity. “It’s not your fault. Kay is a bastard, but he was really subtle about it. He probably would have never shown that side of himself to you.”

“Merlin, I’m gay.”

“What?” Merlin’s eyes widened. He looked like an owl, and any other day Arthur would tell him so and they would laugh it off. But Arthur was still fuming about the entire situation and he technically had never come out to anyone at work before, and he was absolutely shaking.

“I was too annoyed by Gwaine’s flirting with you to notice that Kay wasn’t just bothered, but actually disgusted. I should have seen the signs, but I was too focused on myself, and for that I’m sorry.”

“Uh,” Merlin blinked a few times, “Sorry, I’m still trying to process a few things. One thing, mainly.”

Arthur smiled, feeling a little bit of his rage melt away. “I just want you to know that I understand. If anything like this happens again, please come to me. Yeah?”

“Right, yeah,” Merlin smiled, “Thanks.”

Arthur nodded, “Tell Gwaine he did a good job. But you didn’t hear that from me.”

Merlin nodded, standing up and heading to the door. His hand hovered above the door knob. “Hey, Arthur?”

“Hm?”

“Why were you annoyed by Gwaine flirting with me?”

Arthur leaned his chin on his hand, and let his eyes roam over Merlin for a moment. It was a quick once over of Merlin’s thin hips and broad shoulders. When his eyes looked back to Merlin’s face, his cheeks were tinted pink.

Arthur raised a brow, “No reason.”

Merlin gave him a coquettish smile.

***

Prompts (or any prompt)  + Ficlets

[memoriashell]

hey i really like you ( can we go out? )

Characters /  Pairing: Fukawa Touko / Naegi Komaru, techincally some background Ishimaru / Oowada, Makoto gets a few lines, and Syo’s present for a bit in the begining.

crossposted on ao3

Notes: hello here's your late day five of @tokomaruweek​ week!! valentine's day prompt!!

the format for the texting section might look a little funky on tumblr since there’s no easy way of aligning right side / left side text but hopefully it’s obvious enough who’s texting what.

heads up i'll be skipping day 6 for now probably! i’ll come back to it when i’ve finished the rest of the week, i just might get stuck on it for a hot minute and i’d like to get the rest of the week out of the way first since i'm already behind.

anyways it's probably also noteworthy to mention that this drabble works on the basis you have a basic understanding of the cultural differences in how japan celebrates valentine's day. i was originally going to try and incorporate white day into this drabble instead of just mentioning it but i wasn’t super happy with how this one was turning out anyways and figured it was best to just get this out as it is!!

i also feel like i should clarify bc that i realize the way i characterize toko in everything this week has made it seems like she hates kiyotaka’s guts but honestly i think they’d be real close!! i really like them as two outsider kids who can relate to each other. they are two sides of the same narrative coin and in this essay i will /j anyways please understand she rags on him from a place of ( platonic ) LOVE. and also bc they r both my cc’s i could never be that mean to either of them. well. no meaner than canon is to them.

edit: forgot tws. nothing super huge bc it's mostly fluff, but it does refrence bullying ( although would you consider faked love confessions / etc as bullying? it's just cruel :( anyways. )

Summary:  valentine's day has never been good for ugly girls ( and hopeless romantics ) like her. 

Valentine's Day. Every girl’s least favorite day.

Or, well, at the very least, her least favorite. Uh, one of her least favorite holidays? Then again, it’s not like Touko really has a ‘favorite’ in the first place, so maybe her point is moot— but she’s getting side tracked here.

One would presume that a romantic like her, an author who writes romance for a living, would live for a holiday that's practically centered around love and romance, but they would be wrong. It’s a miserable reminder of a day for her who has practically been scorned by the idea of relationships. It is a bitter reminder of failed loves and societal norms that she’s never been able to meet.

( Ugly. Rude. Awkward. Unsociable. So what if they’re right? Who is she to tell them they’re wrong? )

If it is not for the fact that she is pretty sure Ishimaru will be at her door if she doesn’t show up, she would probably skip class today. Oh, to be a confident gay man on Valentine's Day and not a closeted lesbian who feels the need to meet heteronormative societal norms. It’s unfair because not only is he ( mostly ) unaffected by this kind of holiday, he’s probably one of the people who care the least about the delicate social intricacies ( and romanticism ) of a holiday like this one. If nothing else, so she can’t say she envies the position this puts Oowada in, because Ishimaru would probably just see this as a learning moment. Anyways before she sounds too envious of her peers for getting their shit together, she just wants it to be unknown that she thinks it’s really unfair that he would get to judge her reasons for wanting to skip school.

( Actually, if she fessed up the deep-seated issues related to why she’d rather not have to be present on a day like today, the last thing he’d do it judge but that’s not really something she wants to acknowledge right now )

Moving on.

Despite the fact that, internally, she is making a fuss about a holiday, she suspects that most of her class probably doesn’t really care about these things. That doesn't mean she feels any less pressured to conform. It’s not like any of them would want chocolates from someone like her anyways, so it’s not like she really needs to be worried...

It’s not the end of the world, stop being such a debbie downer! Syo butts in, ever so helpful. By which she means is very, very unwanted and unhelpful. All the same, they ( unfortunately ) have a point and if she has to put up with this shitty day then at the very least she’d like to have breakfast before someone sees fit to break down her door.

You technically don’t have to do anything. Syo sounds almost too enthusiastic to help with the ‘issue’ at hand.

Using you to escape my problems isn’t always a viable strategy. Touko rebukes. Nor is it a choice, usually.

Only because you try and make yourself as miserable as possible by making things worse for you.

She has nothing to say to that, and instead focuses on braiding her hair to be passably presentable.

“Fukawa-san?” Oh, what she wouldn’t give to not have to hear her name today. Granted, Touko doesn’t think hearing her name being called on any given day is usually a good sign, but it still feels too early in the day to willingly put up with anything and shoots a glare at Naegi, standing in front of her desk. It probably doesn’t help that he sounds nervous for some godforsaken reason, but that’s technically not out of the ordinary, and she’s pretty sure Syo has something to do with that. “Sorry, uh...I was going to try and catch you at your locker this morning, but I guess I must’ve missed you, huh?”

She gives him the most deadpan, withering stare she can muster at the moment as if to say obviously. She’d even turned up to class early because she figured that dealing with whoever else would be in class would be more manageable than having to deal with anything going on in the halls ( because Hope’s Peak is not a normal school and god knows if something can go wrong, it will, and she is not having any of it today ). She assumed that if she looked busy, anyone with any common sense would leave her alone, but Makoto is not the brightest, clearly.

It still kind of throws her for a loop, however, that he chooses to approach her today, of all days. If she were anyone else, or if this exchange happened in any other context, she is sure that him acting like this on Valentine's Day would seem like it was setting up for a love confession. If it weren’t for the fact that Naegi already had a partner so, that’s probably not an issue— not that that would be a theoretical issue, because hey it’s not like Naegi was likely to be the kind of person cruel enough to fake a love confession. That’s definitely not something that’s happened to Touko before and gotten her hopes up only to be horribly crushed and definitely not the reason she’s been particularly defensive today. Nope.

( Yeah, okay, she’s not fooling anyone, but thankfully the only one aware of this is herself. And Syo, but both of these things are clear givens )

It occurs to her that Naegi hasn’t said anything, waiting for her to say something to him, and she grits her teeth irritably. “Wh-What? Spit it out already.”

“Err...are you...” He starts to say something and then seems to think better of it, sheepishly ducking his head for a moment before holding a bag out to her. “Sorry. Komaru asked me to bring these to you. Kirigiri-san had to convince her to not try and sneak into the main building just to bring these to you herself.”

It takes a long minute for her to process what he says before snatching the bag from his grip and holding it close to herself. Friendship chocolates...? That’s probably what’s in the bag. Which is a pretty nice thought in itself— Touko doesn’t usually get gifts like this. It almost makes her not want to touch the bag and ruin the illusion, refrain from eat whatever’s in the bag: but honestly if she doesn’t, Syo will probably make sure to savor it, so she won’t even pretend like that’s an option.

( There’s a part of her that feels a little guilty too, that she hadn’t even considered that Komaru might do something like this and have something prepared for her in return, but if she’d made something and not gotten anything then she’d look like a fool, and it’s not like she would’ve been able to get it to her easily anyways, so she really shouldn’t feel guilty about accepting it, but— )

“I’m glad you like it. She was kind of worried about how you’d take it.” Naegi speaking breaks through her current train of thought and is he still standing here? Had she been stupidly smiling to herself? How embarrassing!

“It’s n-n-not like that...and what kind of person do, do you take me for, anyways...!” Well, if she had been showing any sort of positive emotion on her face, she isn’t anymore. Touko takes this as an opportunity to shove the bag into her book bag, before anyone can notice. For some reason, he looks vaguely disappointed. “I was...ugh, I was just th-thinking that it was surprising she’d trust you with it given the, the track record with how your l-luck turns out!”

Makoto opens his mouth to refute this but thank god someone calls his name from the doorway, and she takes that opportunity goes back to her books before he can try and say anything further to her.

touko-chan!!!!

makoto said he gave you my gift successfully so i know u got it

i think

i didn’t expect u to thank me or anything but it’d be nice

pls tell me u got it right

did u at least read the note i left in there for u

Does Komaru not have homework, or what? She could at least give her a few minutes to try and get a word in. It’s not her fault math is a bitch and Touko is too stubborn to maybe talk to one of her peers into explaining the subject to her.

                                                     Yes, by some miracle I did manage to get it.

                                                                                                             Thanks.

                                                                                        You’re a good friend.

                                                                                                               Sorry.

                                                                                         Is that all? I’m busy.

That is not all, apparently, because Komaru forgoes texting to call her directly. If it were anyone else, she’d ignore it; but since it’s her she figures she can probably talk and do math at the same time.

“So you didn’t check the bag at all?” Komaru speaks before she can even consider greeting her, and Touko rolls her eyes despite the fact that she cannot see it.

“Hello to y-you too. Uh…honestly, I shoved it in my bag earlier and...and haven’t checked on it since. I assumed it was j-j-just candy, and it’s probably safer hid from Syo there.”

“Ugh! I told Makoto to mention to you that I put something else in there. And there’s a box for Syo in there too!” She can practically hear her pouting through the phone line. “Well, uh— I guess that’s fine since you’re busy...? Just check it when you get the chance, okay? Please? I promise it’ll make sense.”

“I got it, I got it. I’ll take a break once I finish this up and check it out. Good enough for you?”

“Mhm! Thank you Touko-chan! I’ll let you go now, so you can focus. Bye!” If Touko wasn’t mistaken ( but probably is ), she sounded almost nervous, the way her words come out in one rushed breath.

Admittedly, now she’s too intrigued by whatever had Komaru pressed enough to make sure she was aware of it, and she doesn’t think she’ll be able to focus now, so...opening the bag it is. She grumbles and groans to herself for a moment, stretching as she gets up from her desk to grab her bag.

She hadn’t really noticed at the time, but now that she thinks about it, there’s some definite weight to this thing, more than she’d expect from some candies ( even now knowing that apparently Komaru had accounted for Syo as well ). Not much though, and she probably would’ve just passed it off for the box the sweet is stored in if she were to really think about it, but now she figures that’s probably not the case. Touko peeks inside the bag a little hesitantly— curiosity wins out over anxiety in the end, and spots what appears to be a small booklet along with a box of chocolates.

Oh god.

She braces herself because, this is probably some kind of manga if she knows Komaru and ( unfortunately ) not a mini-novella but otherwise has no idea what to expect. And once she opens it, she has to thank whatever higher being made sure Makoto didn’t say a thing to her about it because there’s absolutely no way she would have been able to keep a straight face if she’d looked at this in class.

One, she forgot how generally talented Komaru was at this type of stuff. Obviously, still room for improvement, but not nearly as bad as Touko would have thought. Two, this is not really a manga, but a fucking thinly veiled love confession, complete with the most casual ‘Hey I really like you, can we go out?’ Third, she’s extremely glad Komaru did not insist on being on the phone while she checked this out because she does not think she can coherently answer that right now.

In fact, it takes Touko a good half hour to calm herself down enough before she can even consider texting her a response. There’s no way she’s embarrassing herself any further by calling her about it, even if that might have been a more meaningful exchange, but like Komaru just confessed to her through manga so clearly they’re already past that point.

                                                                                                     You’re a dork.

                                           I hate that you’re using your talents for this though.

:)

thats not a no?

                                                                                                          Not a yes.

                         Very tempted to make it a no for making me suffer through this.

touko-chan;;;;;

be gentle to my poor heart if ur gonna reject me :(

                                                                                              Ugh. I was kidding.

                                                                                                      Yes you idiot.

                                                    Just don’t use manga for this stuff next time?

ok!!!!! :)

actually i promise nothing

lol sorry ♡

                                                                                                  You’re the worst.

hehehehehe >:)

i love you too!!

are you busy this week??

let’s meet up!!!

                                             Some of us care about our grades. As should you.

                                                            But Thursday and Friday are lighter days.

                                                                      Yeah yeah. I like you or something.

thank uuuuu ♡♡♡

She chews on her lip as she rereads the message and mulls over it as she tries to ignore the flip-flop of her stomach. It’ll be fine. She’ll just aim to have something planned out for White Day in return.

[dorizardthewizard]

So I watched the Eurovision movie

Uh, I have a lot of thoughts because this is the closest we’re gonna get to the real thing this year ;^; First, the positives!

What they got right:

Overall, I like that it wasn’t really taking the piss out of the competition – whether you agree or not with how it was portrayed, the creators do have a lot of love for the show and that is reflected in how much it means to the characters. I think it was fitting to start with the kids watching and being inspired by ABBA’s win (I’m always up for showing people where the group’s fame started), and making it their life goal to perform in the contest. Just like Lars and Sigrit, many musicians in Europe grow up with Eurovision being an annual tradition and it’s their big dream to one day perform on that international stage, so yeah I think it decently showed how important ESC is here.

They got the overall vibe right too – most of the songs really felt like Eurovision songs (maybe a little dated but still), from the Viking-Europop opener to the Lordi-aesthetic one to whatever the hell Russia was doing. I don’t think Greece’s song was something they’d ever send though; it fits the character but not what the country typically sends. Then again, Estonia have sent an opera song in Italian and Romania sent yodel rap so actually, I take back that statement. They were missing a Balkan ballad though! Staging was on point – I think it was filmed at the Tel Aviv stage so that’s obviously a factor, but big angel wings and hamster wheels also bring a lot of familiarity :P No pianos being set on fire though, which, in a movie with so many on-stage disasters, is honestly surprising.

Of course there’s also the past contestant cameos, for that I’ll say one thing – needs more Verka. Maybe some contestants from earlier years would have been nice too, at least we did hear Céline Dion’s song in the song-along. Would also have been nice if the whole mashup was Eurovision songs, instead of throwing in some other ones just to make it more recognizable for non-Eurofans. Otherwise, the mashup was really seamless and sounded good.

Another thing the movie got right was European’s attitudes to Americans, not sure how I feel about it since the movie was made by Americans, but it’s self-aware and pretty funny :P There’s also the funny gag about countries not wanting to host because of how expensive it is, not sure why a guy working for the national broadcaster would care about that but looking at Iceland’s population size, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was also an economist for the government or something.

What they got wrong:

Of course, there were some things they didn’t quite get right. First of all, did the UK win for it to be hosted in Scotland??? Unless Australia won, or some other country that didn’t want to host or something. They actually made a joke about UK getting zero points, but they said it’s because no one likes us, when in reality we just send the blandest songs :/

There were also a whole lot of technical inaccuracies like Sweden breaking the rule on number of people allowed on stage, big five countries taking part in the semi-final (come on, how can you not get that right? Maybe they were afraid Americans wouldn’t recognise half the flags? :P), the contestants were just sitting by themselves in some room like it’s The Voice or something, their delegations nowhere to be seen, and then there’s the total lack of security or planning around the competition, with Lars just running around doing whatever. The countries presenting their votes in the semi-final stood out as well, but since we didn’t get to see the final I can brush over it, just so we experience the voting somewhere in the movie. Wonder why they didn’t use past contestants for the points announcements? They also had the French one speaking in English but you know what, they remembered to make sure he was standing in front of the Eiffel Tower so I’ll let them off :P

One thing that did bother me was how hard the movie tried to make us think the Icelandic song was a failure, except the song wasn’t even bad so they had to resort to all the incidents on stage. They even had that complete silence after the hamster wheel incident, and there is NO WAY that would ever happen – even the null points songs get cheers! In fact, people would cheer harder, and I don’t think Graham Norton, or anyone for that matter, would be that surprised that people remembered the song and actually gave it points (oh yeah, great to see him in this!).

Okay, some of those inaccuracies were nitpicks, but they’re just fun to point out. I don’t think they quite nailed the portrayal though, but more on that later.

The movie itself:

Judging the rest of the film, the humour really didn’t do it for me- it was just kind of jarring that one half of the movie felt like your usual light-hearted music contest film that was fairly rooted in reality, then the next there’s a dismembered ghost of Demi Lovato and a guy getting stabbed by Elves??? I know it’s classic Will Ferrel random comedy but honestly, those parts could have been cut out of the movie just fine, it’s like half an hour too long anyway and you can tell by the way the humour drags. It can basically be summarised by the ending scene where Lars is yelling at the Americans and then just keeps going, and I know that’s the joke in that scene but they do this throughout the whole movie – something will happen and the characters will keep reacting back and forth and it’s honestly exhausting. That might just be me though, maybe I’d prefer more witty and self-aware humour in a Eurovision movie but I guess non-fans wouldn’t get half the jokes so they went for over-the-top ridiculousness ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

As for the characters, Sigrit was great; she’s a good mix between cute and weird. Lars is… annoying tbh, maybe I just don’t care for Will Ferrel's character type but when Alexander asks Lars what he can possibly offer Sigrit I was like “yeah Lars, what CAN you offer?”. Their relationship was cute though and his arc about caring too much about winning was decent, it does kind of resonate with Eurovision because yeah, lots of countries will revamp their songs to have English lyrics and the style is increasingly converging to Americanized radio-friendly pop music. I do wish they’d focused more on this conflict, rather than bringing in a love square (?) with Alexander and Mita.

Speaking of Alexander, I actually liked how they portrayed the Russian character; he wasn’t a villain, he was fun to watch and was genuinely happy to see Sigrit succeed. I did not expect them to go there with the whole “there are no gays in Russia” thing – I laughed but also actually felt for the guy, and his friendship with Mita was peak mlm/wlw solidarity, it was sweet.

The ending:

For me, this is where it goes American Hollywood style and kinda reminds me of Madonna’s speech about everyone being winners. Felt like I was watching Camp Rock for a second then (which is funny since Demi is in this movie) – all the other acts are fun songs but we’ll just change ours to a ballad so it must be more heartfelt and resonate with the audience, as if a good chunk of ESC songs aren’t ballads already!! To be fair, they do well in having it be a personal song about her hometown and adding in parts in Icelandic (although I’ve heard it’s so butchered you can’t understand what’s being said), it’s a sweet ode to one of the best parts of Eurovision – celebrating where you’re from and making your country proud.

Wish they’d focused more on that tbh, we really could have done without Lars speaking to the audience – that’s the more Hollywood moment for me and kind of reminds me of acts that try to connect with the audience like it’s a concert. Sorry but we don’t do that here :P Instead of the “music is feeling”-like message, it would have been nice if the movie was more directed towards celebrating why the contest is so big and important even decades after it began, and how it literally brings an entire continent together for one night. This would have been nice especially because of all the cynicism towards ESC and its dismissal as just a dumb, campy event with no quality music whatsoever.

Huh, I just remembered there are no live instruments at Eurovision so how everyone can hear the piano at the end is beyond me, also the instrumental kicks in despite the fact that that song has never been recorded in a studio, let alone able to be played out loud onstage. But I’ll just imagine that’s for us to see, the audience actually just heard her singing and nothing else. I don’t think it would have been that impressive, so Iceland probably won everyone’s hearts through memes instead :’D

Overall, I don’t think the movie was terribly offensive or anything, just some silly fun that missed out on the potential of better portraying the Eurovision spirit. I might eventually watch it again, but with skipping out half the comedy :P

[generallynerdy]

Hold Him (Poe Dameron X M!Reader)

Summary: Poe lands on Ajan Kloss after destroying the Final Order once and for all with only one thought on his mind; he desperately wants to find his boyfriend and kiss the life out of him. (Y/N), however, has other ideas. Like maybe punching his beloved idiot.

Requested by Anon: Disaster bi Poe = best Poe so can I get Poe x M!reader where Poe just landed after the final battle in TROS and reader smacks him for putting himself in danger and then kisses him cause GOD does he love that idiot

Key: (Y/N) - your name Warnings: author self-projects desperately bc he wants a relationship like this, minor cursing, author still hasn’t decided on pronouns for droid characters leave me alone, Sequel Canon exists unfortunately and is prevalent in this fic :/ Word Count: 1,153

Note: technically i fulfilled the prompt by 500 words but i’m a weak bitch and my brain worms have complete power over my fingers so. ANYWAY my dumb gay ass fell way more in love with Poe writing this but i haven’t watched the movies in a while so he may be slightly OOC, Finn might be too so that’s my bad. Also wild thing that comes with realising im bigender is that it’s so much easier to write with,,,all the pronouns AND i can self project onto every single fic

    Poe Dameron practically launched himself from his X-Wing the moment it touched down on Ajan Kloss. His heart was light with victory, with freedom from a war he’d spent far too long fighting. Too many thoughts were running through his head, almost at the same rate as his pulse, which hadn’t dropped since they took off from the base hours before.

    But the one thing that kept coming to mind was that he desperately, desperately wanted to find his boyfriend and hold him for the next 20 years.

    Pushing through the crowd of exhilarated rebels, Poe smiled and greeted the occasional familiar face, but he was really focused on finding his man. He didn’t catch sight of him immediately and, in fact, found Finn first.

    “Finn!” he cried, rushing to greet his friend with a tight hug.

    “We did it-- General,” Finn said with a fond, mischievous grin.

    Poe smiled back. “General. Hey, have you seen (Y/N)?”

    He grimaced. “Uh, no, but you’re a dead man. Threatening to come pull us off the star destroyer? You’re dead.”

    “Hey, I’ll be fine,” he said, waving him off. “He loves me.”

    Finn looked over his shoulder, eyes going wide. “Yeah, uh, not that much. Good luck.”

    He made himself scarce as soon as Poe turned around. The man was met with (Y/N), his dear, dear boyfriend, and said boyfriend’s most vicious scowl.

    Poe winced, but played it off with a smile. “Hey, hon--”

    “Don’t you ‘honey’ me, Poe Dameron!” (Y/N) scolded, storming up to him and hitting his shoulder. “You’re a karking dumbass!”

    “(Y/N)--”

    He scoffed, gesturing wildly. “Oh, I’ll just fly right up beside a star destroyer and I’ll be perfectly fine! I’ll just kill myself for the sake of three people and a droid!”

    “I was protecting you and BB and Finn and Jannah,” he said firmly. “It would have been worth it-- but I didn’t even end up doing and you’re all safe. So can you please just breathe?”

    (Y/N) inhaled deeply. Poe waited.

    A moment later, he was dragged into a kiss. He made a little happy, amused hum and pulled (Y/N) in by his waist. (Y/N) would have rolled his eyes if they weren’t closed. Instead, he reached up to cup Poe’s head and run his fingers through his hair, earning him a pleased huff. (Y/N) loved playing with his hair and Poe loved the feeling of it, so it was a win-win situation.

    When (Y/N) let the poor man breathe again, he couldn’t help smacking his shoulder. “I don’t know why I love you,” he mumbled before falling into his shoulder forehead-first.

    Poe laughed. “I’m insufferable and it’s part of my charm?”

    (Y/N) muttered something incoherent against his flight suit, while Poe rubbed a comforting hand across his back. He noted with fondness that his boyfriend was wearing his jacket, which sent a wave of affection through his chest, almost like he’d been shot. 

The weight of his mother’s ring hanging on a chain around his neck fell heavy against his heart, reminding him of the promise he’d made to himself. When this is over...Well, it was over now. It was over and Poe was free to make a million promises to this man, this man that he loved with every bit of his soul. That ring was going to be his.

He noticed then that (Y/N) had tucked in closer and gone silent.

“Hey,” he whispered against his hair. “Hey, you okay? You hurt?”

(Y/N) mumbled a muffled negative, but buried his face in Poe’s neck. “No. ‘M fine.”

Poe frowned. Something wasn’t right. “What is it, baby?”

Finally, his boyfriend looked up, meeting his gaze with something that he might call bittersweetness, though he couldn’t understand why.

“It’s over,” (Y/N) breathed out.

Poe couldn’t help a soft smile. “Yeah, baby, it’s over. But you...don’t look happy. What’s wrong?”

“I just--” he paused. “Shit. We’ve been fighting for years. Everything we’ve done, everything we are is because of this war. And now it’s just-- it’s over. What are we gonna do?”

He considered this for a long moment. “I don’t know,” he admitted with a smile. “I have no idea. That’s kind of great, isn’t it? We could do anything we want, go anywhere we want, and I don’t even know where to start!”

“It’s terrifying!” (Y/N) cried. “We have no idea what we’re doing!”

“Hey, hey, hey,” he said soothingly, caressing his cheek with his thumb and holding him close. “We’ve got each other, we’ve got money, we’ve got friends-- we’re gonna be okay. I’ve got you, you’ve got me. That’s all we need.”

His boyfriend huffed a little. “You’re so cheesy.”

“You love me,” he sang, pressing a finger to his nose teasingly.

(Y/N) rolled his eyes. “I do. Love you, I mean. Even though you’re a reckless idiot who doesn’t worry nearly as much as you should.”

“I already know what I’m gonna do for the next 20 years,” Poe said, leaning forward to kiss him chastely. “I’m gonna spend every single day with the people I love; exploring the galaxy, flying my ship, taking care of my droid, holding my boyfriend-- who I intend to marry--”

He laughed. “Take me on a proper date first, Dameron, and we’ll see.”

“See? We already have plans!” he declared. “Maybe a few rugrats in the future--”

“I am so not ready to be a parent,” (Y/N) said firmly.

Poe raised an eyebrow. “Honey, I hate to break it to you, but you already are.”

An indignant whirr and beep sounded in the distance. A tiny ball of orange and white rolled viciously toward the pair, making (Y/N) burst into laughter.

“Speaking of your child--”

“Our child,” Poe corrected immediately. “You were definitely involved in the raising process.”

(Y/N) rolled his eyes. “Implying that the raising process is over.”

BB-8 shrieked excitedly upon approach, bumping into Poe’s legs and then rolling in between him and (Y/N), bouncing up and down as best as a little ball could.

“Hey, buddy!” Poe greeted fondly, leaning down to properly do so.

Beebee started spouting off about the mission on Exegol, father-figure listening intently. Nearby, Finn and Rey came out of nowhere, laughing and refusing to move away from each other after the day’s events. Rose and Chewie were nearby, too, embracing and, in Chewie’s case, roaring with joy. Jannah and Lando spoke in quiet tones to each other, but (Y/N)’s gaze moved away from all of them and back to his boyfriend.

“No kidding!” Poe was saying to his-- their droid-child, glancing up at (Y/N) to shoot him a desperately lovesick, overjoyed smile.

(Y/N) smiled back and, looking at his little family, couldn’t help thinking that maybe the future wasn’t so terrifying a thought after all.

[smallblueandloud]

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7 for the writing ask- I AM SO SORRY I COULDNT STOP!!! xoxo

aaaah these questions look SO GOOD thank you so much <3 <3 for this ask meme, which will be open all weekend!

1. tell us about your current project(s)  – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

i pulled open all of my WIP google docs for this and my laptop started whirring ominously, lmao. this is going to be a Little Long but i love talking about my wips so who cares!! (under the cut because EXCERPTS)

guys and dolls but gay��- very, very casual rewrite of guys and dolls if sky masterson was a woman. i’m loving how chill i’m being about this one because it’s so much fun to not have to worry how i’m going to write lyrics in a not-weird way and just focus on the story. this one’s first because it’s theoretically closest to being finished.

sky, laughing: “oh? people. all the people you turn down every day. well, i imagine there’s someone out there that’ll catch your eye.”

sarah, stiffening: “...yes, there will be.”

sky: “and what might this person be like?”

sarah: “he will not be a gambler, for one.”

sky does not miss the pointed pronoun. “i’m not interested in what he won’t be, i’m interested in what he will be.” she sits down on the desk, in a pointedly masculine pose, and sets her fedora next to her - at her most Hot Queer, basically. “how will you know when he gets to you?”

my fic for the aos rarepair fic exchange - i can’t give any plot or ship details, for obvious reasons, but it’s 1.3k and i’m having fun with it!

steven roadtrip of destiny - canon divergent fic set at the end of steven universe future where steven goes on a roadtrip instead of... canon. it deals with some heavy emotions and it’s also a character study so it’s tentatively shelved until i get around to rewatching suf. but i am projecting on steven like crazy and it’s really, really cathartic. it’s taught me a lot about myself too lmao.

He’s never been anonymous before. He kind of likes it. It means he can fold his arms on the table and put his head down without Pearl worrying about his posture, or someone asking him if something’s okay.

In the last few months, he’s grown to hate people asking him how he’s doing, or if he’s okay. He always ends up lying, because he doesn’t want to worry them, and he ends up feeling worse.

Probably because it’s more of him supporting other people without supporting himself.

He should have told someone how he was feeling. He should have reached out. Sadie could’ve helped him. Lars would’ve listened. Connie would have hugged him and then found him the appropriate mental health professional.

(God, Steven wants a hug. Also the appropriate mental health professional? Whoever that would be.)

untitled aos fic - i don’t want to give a lot of details because :eye emoji: and also i don’t know much about what the plot of this is going to be anyway, lmao. but here’s an excerpt:

daisy “that actor who doesn’t shut up about data harvesting” johnson (@daisyquake) tweeted: two weeks :eyes emoji:

Elena Rodriguez | Seven Cents S2 Streaming On Netflix Now! (@yoyorodriguez) retweeted and added: the problem with being friends with daisy is that you SHOULD have some insight into what her tweets mean but you still have no idea

Fitz (@justfitz) retweeted and added: Try being married to her

untitled star wars twins fic - because i am a total and massive nerd. i’m just kind of stuffing everything i have feels about from the post-anh era into this and planning on figuring it out later? i’m really loving talking about the culture of alderaan (and the culture of the survivors) and also i just love writing luke and leia’s relationship... so much......

(no excerpt for that one because i’ve basically posted all of it in various posts lmao)

aos ds9 au - i’ve posted a LOT about this already and i want to keep the plot a surprise but fsk is in this and married and half the cast is aliens, what else do you need in life.

“Good morning,” says Jemma, coming into the room with her hair wet and her uniform crooked. “Hello, darling.”

“Hi,” says Daisy, turning her face up for a kiss. Jemma obliges absently as she walks past, looking around the room.

“Has anyone seen my hair clip?”

“No,” say Fitz and Daisy in unison.

and of course, last but never least in my heart, chapter 3 of the magnum opus - writing this is on hold until my brain decides to stop hitting me over the head at every possible moment, but there’s like... 2k written so far? it’s. it’s going.

“Yeah, yeah,” says Coulson, and makes quick work of the right gauntlet. It’s only halfway through the left one that his fingers slow and he says, quietly, “Simmons designed these, didn’t she?”

She lets out a quick breath. “Yeah.”

He stays quiet for a few more seconds, finishing up the last of the straps, making sure they’re tight enough. Finally, he says, “She should be helping you with these.”

Daisy pulls her arms back and swallows down some words, or maybe a couple of feelings, or maybe a sob. “Yeah, well.”

2. tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

the last sentence of the magnum opus!!!!!!!!!!

no, lmao, i’m gonna try to be serious. i really, really want to write some librarians fic in the near future? also MORE OF THE SENSE8 AU. i’m DYING to write some stuff about that. especially sam’s cluster, for some reason? Let’s Make Him Suffer (Comedically)! one day i’m gonna finish that list of what cluster/situation each song is about and then it’ll be over for all of us!

3. what is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

i spent about eight months imagining a scene where riza hawkeye was really injured and mustang was holding her in his arms (basically the promised day scene but with more privacy) so does that count?

hmm, just for some other possibilities: glinda telling dorothy about elphaba, laura somehow seeing or speaking to natasha during catws, a good omens au of the good place (specifically the ”i don’t even like you!” / “you doooooooo” scene), kencyrath au of star wars (ESPECIALLY THIS ONE, except setting up the first scene alone would take 7k, but i want to talk about leia and luke and their MESSED UP TRUST ISSUES in this au).

oh, also, something about star trek tng where jean-luc and beverly and jack were in love and then jack died and picard left. more specifically a scene set during the pilot episode where jean-luc very cordially offers beverly the option to transfer off the enterprise, that he wouldn’t dream of holding it against her, and beverly very cordially telling jean-luc to go fuck himself. i want to write 30k of that broken triad. i want it so bad. i dream of that fic. maybe one day when i find myself with a completely empty month or two, i’ll binge all of tng and Write Some Stuff.

4. share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

since you and i have tww in common, i’m gonna do a tww fic! otherwise i’d have to reread literally every fic i’ve ever written, lmao.

(this is long but i put this post under the cut so i have RIGHTS. also consider this a sneak peek for the j/d fic in the sense8 au?)

“It’s okay,” says Helen. She sits for a moment in silence, seeming thoughtful. “The Congressman and I are in the same cluster,” she says eventually. “I’d- I supposed that’s easier on the Secret Service?”

“Yes,” says Donna. “The-”

She stops herself from saying anything further. President Bartlet and the First Lady aren’t exactly quiet about who’s in their cluster, especially with senior staff, but that doesn’t mean she should go talking about it in an unsecured room in LA, of all places.

To cover for her blunder, she gives up something else: “The same with Josh. They got really lucky with him, actually. It’s just him and me, so they won’t have to worry about anyone threatening the Chief of Staff through the barista in the local Starbucks.”

Helen looks up from the Ohio numbers she’d drifted back to, a slow smile creeping up on her face. “Josh is in your cluster?”

“Uh-” says Donna, feeling like national security wasn’t worth whatever she’s just blundered into. Oops. “Josh- Josh is my cluster, ma’am.”

She catches her mistake the second it’s out of her mouth, but Helen doesn’t call her on it, more focused on other revelations. “No wonder you two look at each other the way you do!” she says, sounding delighted. Donna shuts her eyes, praying for this to go away. It’s not that she’s ashamed of Josh - it’s just so, so complicated, and other people never think about how difficult it was. Still is.

i’m just... i really liked the idea of donna fumbling and having to reveal this to cover up for what else she was going to say? i don’t know why i’m so charmed by this. i think it’s because it would be impossible in the show - you can’t show what someone was going to say on television, not without a lot of setup and very careful scripting. it’s just a really fun situation to write about and i’m really proud of this conversation in general.

also helen santos was a dream to write and i love her a lot. i kind of want to write one of the fics in the series about her and her cluster solely because like... look at her. she’s a delight in literally every scene. i love her.

5. what character that you’re writing do you most identify with?

daisy johnson!!! i love writing daisy johnson!!!! she is the most adhd character i’ve ever written and i literally just have to transcribe my own inner monologue and it works perfectly!!!!!

Swing shift: 1600 hours to 2400 hours. Daisy always ends up getting back to her quarters at like 0030 hours, when Jemma is asleep and Fitz is reading some kind of technical journal. Then she has to eat replicated pizza, alone, and freshly replicated pizza is actually pretty hot but it feels cold at that time of night, like, spiritually.

6. what character do you have the most fun writing?

...whoops i literally just answered that lmao. uh. i also really love writing sky masterson in the guys and dolls fic? she’s just weaponized hot queerness in a suit and i love her for it. she is intentionally trying to seduce this repressed lesbian and it’s really funny and also really hot of her and it’s so much fun to write.

also, i wrote chidi for the tgp fic and it was possibly the most fun i’ve ever had with a pov, although that was also because i was purposefully trying to mimic the tone of the show. i still think that line about michael and a grenade is, like, the funniest i have ever been in my life. but chidi’s panic was surprisingly easy to write? all of tgp’s characters have such STRONG voices, it makes writing fic ridiculously easy as long as you don’t get stuck on a plot for six months.

7. what do you think are the characteristics of your personal writing style? would others agree?

oof, this one is ALWAYS tricky. uh? uhh?? i’m going to ruin everything by saying this but i basically alternate between the same two sentence structures and i am really frustrated about it. i also alternate between the same two styles of endings and i always use the same beginning (set scene, main character pov, thoughts-as-exposition, back to scene).

BUT ON A MORE POSITIVE NOTE i like to talk about emotions and relationships and character development!! i have my “queer subtext goggles” superglued to my face, lmao. i like to think about how characters must have felt about things in canon and how it must’ve influenced them. i like making people deal with the consequences of their actions, especially how it’s influenced they themself. i also just really, really like writing people who love each other, whether it’s romantic or platonic or anything in between. i just want them to be happy! i just want them to stick together! doesn’t matter what fandom, i stand by it.

[becasbelt]

Fandom: Pitch Perfect (Movies) Rating: G Relationships: Chloe Beale/Beca Mitchell Characters: Beca Mitchell, Chloe Beale, Stacie Conrad Additional Tags: Basketball AU, cheerleader Chloe, Beca ft. gay panic

Summary:

Beca’s not really a basketball fan, but that redheaded member of the cheer squad sure is cute.

* * *

“And that’s another two points for the Knights!”

Beca barely even glances up from her phone when the announcer proclaims the fact, seeing as the team is up by fifteen points. She figures she’s not really missing anything anyways.

Normally Beca wouldn’t even be at a basketball game, but her roommate and self-proclaimed best friend Stacie is on the team, and she liked to drag Beca out of the apartment once a week so she could watch her play. She was also technically there to “cheer on the team,” but she figured Stacie should be grateful she’s there at all.

Barden University’s women’s basketball team was actually pretty decent. They were currently number two in their conference, so at least Beca didn’t have to watch the team lose every week.

Still, no one really went to the women’s games. Beca thought it was dumb, since they won way more than the men’s team did, but because the world was full of sexist jerks nobody cared about the girls. The average crowd was about fifty people, all spread out through the admittedly small basketball arena. Beca recognized most of them due to the fact that the same people went every week.

So Beca went to the games because Stacie wanted her to, and because she felt bad that no one really went to them. Even so, that didn’t mean she really knew what was going on or payed attention all that much.

Beca hears the announcer say Stacie’s name and number, so she looks up from the game on her phone to see what was happening on the court. The team is high fiving Stacie and moving into their positions for foul shots, Stacie standing behind the line. The tall brunette makes the first shot easily and sinks the second as well. Half-hearted applause follows as the game resumes, and Beca feels a twinge of sympathy for her friend.

Maybe she actually should be more supportive. At least a little bit.

So, when Stacie sinks a 3-pointer a few minutes later, Beca cups her hands around her mouth and yells, “Atta girl, Stace! That’s the stuff!”

Stacie turns to look at Beca and smiles widely, blowing her a kiss. Beca rolls her eyes affectionately and winks sarcastically in return. One plus of no one attending women’s games was that she could always sit court-side, right behind the cheer squad from where they stood lining the court, making it easy to interact with Stacie like this.

One of the cheerleaders glances briefly over her shoulder at Beca when she shouts for Stacie and Beca can see an amused grin on her face. The girl is pretty. Like, really pretty. Which, Beca supposes is a given since she’s a cheerleader, but still.

Wow.

She’s got shiny red curls that tumble freely down her back, stopping somewhere in the middle of her shoulder blades. Her sleeveless, short skirted uniform shows off tan, toned arms and legs that look as smooth as silk. And her ass-

Well, Beca doesn’t want to objectify anyone. As a fellow woman who does not want to be seen as an object, she knows she shouldn’t.

But hot damn.

Beca’s never really paid attention to the cheer squad before. They’re always just there; turning around to cheer at the empty seats whenever the team scores, performing once or twice during halftime and timeouts. They’re a constant presence that has never really caught Beca’s attention.

For some reason (a pretty redheaded reason, to be specific), Beca finds herself paying a lot more attention to the cheer squad for the remainder of the game. She notices how they all stand the same; hands behind their backs, feet shoulder-width apart, heads held high. They’re always super in-sync, which boggles Beca’s mind, because it’s not like any of them ever shout out instructions at any point. They just know what to do.

She finds herself becoming more and more curious about the redhead. What was her name? What year in school was she? How long has she been on the cheer squad?

Was she single?

Beca shakes her head at the thought. She probably wasn’t single. Someone that attractive was surely taken by an equally attractive person, which sucked. Even if the redhead was single, Beca wasn’t good-looking enough to stand a chance. Beca, in all her combat boots, worn-out flannel, ear monstrosity glory was definitely not a good fit for this beautiful human masterpiece.

Still, a girl could dream, couldn’t she?

Before Beca knew it, the final buzzer signaling the end of the game was going off and the school’s fight song was blaring over the speakers. The team rushes towards each other and celebrates their victory out on the court for a moment before rushing off to the locker room. Beca stands up and stretches out her stiff limbs in preparation of climbing the steps out of the arena. From there she would meet Stacie outside the locker room to go get dinner.

She can’t help but steal one last glance at the redhead, though, and turns her head to where she is chatting with some of her fellow cheer squad members. To her embarrassment, the girl happens to look in her direction in the same time and the two of them make eye contact. Beca feels herself blush and immediately looks away. It had been no problem staring creepily at her for the entirety of the game when the girl had been facing away from her, but being caught in the act was a completely different story.

Beca makes her way up the stairs quickly to go meet Stacie, feeling thoroughly humiliated.

She hated basketball.

* * *

The redhead is at the next game Beca attends, too. Which isn’t a surprise, exactly. She is a cheerleader, after all.

Stacie’s surprised at Beca’s lack of reluctance at being dragged to the game. Usually it’s only after promises of buying her food that Beca agrees to go, but today Beca had simply rolled her eyes and let herself be led to the car.

Not that Beca would ever tell Stacie why, exactly, she was more eager to go, of course. That would surely provoke weeks of teasing comments that Beca did not want to deal with.

Beca sits down in her usual seat by the sidelines and watches the team warm up. Like always, she’s there before anyone else has shown up, including the cheer squad. Stacie had to be there super early since she was on the team, which meant that Beca had to be there early as well.

Today, however, Beca didn’t immediately pull out her phone to entertain herself with. She would never admit it out loud, but a (big) part of her was eagerly awaiting the cheer squad’s arrival.

Their arrival comes about fifteen minutes before the game is supposed to start. They all walk down the tunnel together, conversing and laughing as they make their way to their spots on the sideline, and Beca’s eyes immediately latch onto the redhead from the last game. She indulges in a brief moment of checking out the cheerleader before feigning indifference and turning her attention back to the team.

She actually ends up lost in thought, focusing so hard on not looking at the cheer squad that she doesn’t notice someone approaching.

“Hi there.”

Beca blinks in surprise and moves her eyes away from the court to see the redheaded cheerleader standing in front of her, separated by the barrier separating the seats from the court. The girl rests her arms against it casually, pom-poms grasped firmly in her hands. Her eyes are blue, like bluer than the sky blue.

For a moment, Beca completely forgets how to speak. All of her basic motor skills fail her because the hot cheerleader that she’s quickly grown a crush on is talking to her.

Say something, her brain tells her. Say anything. Don’t just stare at her, you useless idiot.

“Uh, your eyes are really blue,” is the thing that comes out of her mouth.

It would honestly be best if she just knocked herself out now. Or, at the very least, change her name and flee the country.

Luckily, the girl doesn’t seem too weirded out by Beca’s apparent lack of social skills. A smile lights up her face and she giggles. “Thanks,” she gushes, then looks at Beca expectantly, as if she’s waiting for her to say something else.

Beca, unfortunately, does not currently possess the ability to say something else. So she sits there, like an idiot, saying nothing.

The girl’s smile turns into more a smirk. “I’m Chloe, by the way,” she says when it becomes clear Beca’s not going to speak.

“Beca,” Beca squeaks out, followed by another awkward pause.

“I’ve seen you at a lot of games before,” Chloe starts again. “Do you know someone on the team, or are you just a big basketball fan?”

A snicker escapes Beca at the implication that she was a sports fan, and the thought allows her to shake herself from her internal panic. “No, definitely not a basketball fan. My roommate’s on the team,” she manages to say without sounding too nervous. “Number 10, Stacie Conrad.”

Chloe turns around to look for Stacie, and she nods her head in recognition when she spots the tall brunette. “That’s super cool,” she says, facing Beca once again. “It’s also super cool that you come to support her every week.”

Beca shrugs like it’s no big deal, because it really isn’t. “Yeah, well, I usually get free food afterwards, so,” Beca clicks her tongue. “There’s at least one good reason to come.”

Chloe raises one perfect eyebrow, a sultry look sliding onto her face. “Is that the only good reason to come?” she asks slyly.

Beca cheeks heat up at what she thinks Chloe’s implying. She knows that Chloe caught her checking her out last week, and now the redhead was using that as ammunition to tease her. Beca opens her mouth to respond, though she’s not sure exactly how, but Chloe’s name gets called by one of her fellow cheer squad members, beckoning her over.

The redhead smirks and gives Beca a once-over that sends heat shooting through Beca’s system before turning around, skipping over to the person who called for her. Beca watches her go, thoroughly shocked at the other girl’s actions. It was almost as if Chloe had been… flirting with her. Which was absurd, because Beca had already established with herself that the cheerleader was way out of her league.

But just maybe….

Chloe continues to surprise Beca throughout the rest of the game. Beca tries not to stare, she really does, but once again, she can’t help herself. The only problem is that now, every time Chloe turns around to cheer, she looks right at Beca. She shoots Beca blinding smiles and subtle winks that cause Beca’s face to burn, which seems to bring great amusement to the redhead.

When the cheer squad rushes onto the court to perform during a timeout, Beca is mesmerized. Sure, all the cheerleaders are good dancers, but Chloe seems to be really giving it her all. Her movements seem more sensual, more purposeful, and the way her eyes keep flicking over to Beca lets Beca get a pretty good idea why.

By the time the game ends, Beca doesn’t even know where she is anymore. It feels like she’s stepped into an alternate universe; one where hot, cheerleading redheads are somehow interested in her- or, at least, interested in teasing her.

Honestly, Beca’s not picky. She’ll take the attention, no matter what the purpose behind it is.

Beca hadn’t been paying attention to a single second of the basketball game, too focused on the game that Chloe was playing instead. She looked at the final score as the fight song blared on over the speakers to see that Barden had won again- big surprise. The team runs off the court and the spectators start leaving, so Beca figures she should get up as well. She stands up onto stiff legs and looks down to see Chloe approaching her once again.

“So it was, Beca, right?” Chloe checks once she’s close enough to Beca. Beca nods her head quickly. Chloe smiles and her next question is said more teasingly than the first. “How’d you like the game?”

Beca chokes a little. “It was fine. Good, great. Fun,” she coughs out weakly. She clears her throat. “I thought it was great,” she tries again, more clearly this time.

“Good, I’m glad,” Chloe says, all pretenses of teasing gone from her tone. “I had fun, too.” Beca blushes and Chloe looks over her shoulder to see the rest of the cheer squad starting to walk out of the arena. “Well, I guess I have to go. See you at the next game?”

Beca nods her head rapidly. “Yeah, definitely,” she says too quickly.

Chloe giggles. “Good. See you then, Beca.”

With that, the redhead rushes off to join her group, leaving a flustered Beca standing rooted to her spot. Beca replays the way her name sounded coming from Chloe’s lips over and over in her head, and a goofy smile sliding onto her face.

She walks up the steps to meet Stacie with a little more gumption than usual. When her roommate finally emerges from the locker room a while later, she gives Beca a curious look upon seeing the smile on her face. “You seem awfully chipper,” she says as they start to walk out to her car. “Did your angst subscription finally expire, or are you just actually enjoying the games now?”

Beca swats her arm as the taller girl laughs, scowling. “You’re hilarious,” she deadpans. They reach the car and Stacie unlocks it before the two of them climb in. “You know, this is why I never let you know when I’m in a good mood,” she grumbles as she puts on her seatbelt. “You always make fun of me when I do. I think you hate seeing me happy.”

“Au contraire, my little friend,” Stacie counters as she starts the car. “I care deeply about your happiness. You’re just too much fun to tease about the littlest of things because of how worked up you get.”

Beca huffs and crosses her arms over her chest, pouting a little. “I hate you.”

Stacie leans over and places a loud, wet kiss on Beca’s cheek, which immediately causes Beca to make a noise of disgust and wipe the wetness away. “That’s too bad,” Stacie says in a sing-song voice as she starts to pull out of the parking lot. “Because I loooove you, little one.”

Beca rolls her eyes. “Whatever,” she mumbles. “Where are we eating? I’m starving.”

* * *

The next few weeks pass by in much the same fashion. Game day rolls around, Beca pretends to be grumpy about going to the game while secretly being really excited, Chloe flirts with her throughout the match, and Beca goes to get food while Stacie teases her.

By the second week of Beca talking to Chloe, Stacie had found out exactly why she was always so smiley by the end of the games. The intuitive athlete got enough bench time during blowout matches that she was able to watch Beca and Chloe closely, and soon discovered their flirtatious behavior.

Stacie teases Beca about it relentlessly, and Beca hates it.

But also, Chloe was cute and funny, so she couldn’t exactly be totally upset about the whole situation.

One Saturday game is following the normal routine, with Beca currently staring dedicatedly at Chloe’s amazing arms, when a timeout is called on floor. The teams huddle up separately while the sponsored entertainment starts up: the kiss cam. Beca just rolls her eyes because of how awkward the whole thing was. There wasn’t enough people at the games most of the time, so it always just showed the same five or six old married couples at every single game.

The old people didn’t seem to mind, though. They were steadily getting bolder and bolder every time they were shown, which made Beca feel uncomfortable in all sorts of ways.

She’s wrinkling her nose in disgust at two people getting pretty steamy on the cam when a shadow suddenly looms over her. Beca shifts her attention in front of her to see Chloe propped up on the barrier in front of her, waving at the camera to get its attention. Beca’s eyes widen.

“What are you doing-” Beca starts to question before she’s cut off by Chloe leaning over the barrier, grabbing onto the collar of Beca’s flannel, and pressing their lips together.

Beca thinks she sees stars when Chloe’s lips touch her own. Her hands flail uselessly for a moment before winding into that damn red hair she loves so much as she sinks fully into the kiss. The kiss doesn’t last too long, though, and soon enough Chloe is pulling back and looking at Beca, the corner of her bottom lip snagged between perfect white teeth.

“I hope that was okay,” Chloe says smoothly. “I was getting pretty tired of watching old people make out.”

Beca swallows and tries to form a coherent thought in her brain. “Uh, yeah, totally fine,” she stammers out. “I do not mind at all.”

Chloe giggles and leans in to give her one last peck before pulling back all together, returning to her spot on the sideline. Her cheer friends elbow her and tease her, but the smile on Chloe’s face never falls. She looks back at where Beca is still sitting in shock and winks at her before turning to give her full attention to the game.

Beca, on the other hand, pretty much remains in a daze for the remainder of the match. She thinks someone gets injured, and maybe Stacie makes a couple 3-pointers, but she honestly doesn’t know. Her eyes just follow the ball lazily as her mind tries to process the kiss.

She’s just getting her wits back when the final buzzer goes off. The cheer squad dances to the fight song as the team runs off the court, and as soon as they’re done Chloe’s in front of her again.

“Do you want to get food?” the redhead asks, and Beca thinks this is the first time she’s ever heard the other girl sound nervous. “I know you usually go out to eat with Stacie after games, but I’ve been kind of really wanting to ask you out for a while now.”

Beca smirks at her confession, Chloe’s shyness making her feel bolder. “I might be down for that,” she says with fake nonchalance.

A smile brightens up Chloe’s face. “Are you sure Stacie won’t mind?”

Beca snorts. “Honestly? I couldn’t care less if she did,” she replies, standing up so she and Chloe can climb the steps towards the exit. “In fact, it almost makes this whole thing even better if she does get upset.”

Chloe laughs and reaches down to lace their fingers together, causing Beca to blush at the small action.

Okay, so maybe basketball games weren’t so bad after all.

[scmyr]

luka sabbat. cis male. he/him. ／  samyr delcine just pulled up james joint by rihanna  — that song is so them ! you know, for a(n) twenty-four (24) year old retired actor / singer and rapper, i’ve heard they’re really -temperamental, but that they make up for it by being so +creative. if i had to choose three things to describe them, i’d probably say smoke filled recording studios, messy handwriting, tattoos. here’s to hoping they don’t cause too much trouble ! ( LJ, 20, est, they/them )

career claim: roddy ricch, dababy, the weeknd

hey y’all! guess who’s back at it again with a new muse? it’s LJ, @kcia​‘s mun, and this is my second baby, samyr. i’ve actually had this idea in mind for a while, and i’m finally bringing him into fruition. if you’d like to plot with him, just drop a like on this post! 

basics.

NAME: samyr delcine. PRONOUNS: he/him AGE: twenty-four. BIRTH DATE: july 16th, 1995. BIRTH PLACE: port-au-prince, haiti. HOMETOWN: compton, california. CURRENT RESIDENCE: los angeles, california. NATIONALITY: haitian-american. ETHNICITY: afro-haitian, unidentified white side. RELIGION: non practicing christian. OCCUPATION: singer, rapper, songwriter, producer, retired actor. LANGUAGES: haitian-creole (native), haitian-french (native), english (fluent). SEXUAL ORIENTATION: confused. ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: confused.

visual.

FACECLAIM: luka sabbat. EYE COLOR: dark brown. HAIR COLOR: dark brown. HEIGHT: 6 feet, 1 inch. WEIGHT: 149 pounds. TATTOOS: here, here, here. PIERCINGS: ears. NOTABLE TRAITS: lips, height, hair.

background.

he was born in port-au-prince, haiti to a single mother. he never met his father because his father was someone that his mother hooked up with while she was studying in the states. it was her last year in college and she didn’t know she was pregnant until she was about three months along. she took a year off and went back home so she could have him. she considered putting him up for adoption, but as soon as he was born and she looked into his eyes, she “fell in love with him and couldn’t part from him”, or that’s what she always tells samyr. 

when he was six years old and his mother was twenty-seven, she decided to go back to school and get her degree. she spent the first six years of his life working two full time jobs and a part time job just so she could provide for him and save money at the same time. after she saved enough money, she packed up their things and moved them to america, california to be exact, so she could graduate and get a better paying job. she finished up her criminal justice degree and got a job working as a law clerk while she put herself through law school. she finally graduated, passed the bar exam, and now she’s a highly sought after criminal attorney in the states. 

his childhood was a hard, yet happy time for him. hard because he and his mother lived in california while his mother worked for a very low salary. it was difficult for them to make ends meet, especially when she was still in school. even though she eventually became an extremely wealthy lawyer (she started making money around the time samyr was fifteen, but by then he was already making money from his show), things were hard at first. he was still a happy kid though. his mother gave him a lot of love, and he had friends and a cute puppy named chichi (she’s still alive, with her old ass ;-;) 

samyr’s first taste of the spot light was at a young age. he did a little bit of modeling for stores and brands, but didn’t really get his big break until he was 12 and landed one of the lead roles of a children’s sitcom. he loved acting when he first started doing it, and worked hard for the several seasons that he was apart of the show before it ended. he was nineteen when the show ended. he did cameos on other shows, and acted in a few movies during the course of the show too. 

he’s a very passionate and dedicated person, but once he’s finished with something and wipes his hands clean of it, he’s finished indefinitely. he felt as though after several years of acting on one show and doing other acting jobs, that he was ready to bring to a close the chapter of acting in his life. he enjoyed it, still does, but he wanted to pour all of his time and effort into the next aspect of his life - music.

he had actually started getting into music around the middle of his show’s run. he had been in the industry for a while and started making friends with musicians who had introduced him to the art of music. he quickly fell in love with it, not just singing and rapping, but the technical aspects of the music industry as well - producing, sound mixing, composition, e.t.c. 

he released his first music project while he was still acting. it was in 2011, and it was a mixtape that he dropped out of the blue. people didn’t know who it was at first because he just dropped it on soundcloud and his account wasn’t under his own name. but some fans ended up doing some digging and made the connection.

after that, he would occasionally drop music projects here and there (i’ll eventually make a little timeline of his music releases, more so for my own means of keeping track, but to also give you guys an idea of what he’s released so far!) 

now he focuses primarily on music. overall, his sound and lyrics are explicit, but there are still two sides to him - the ‘hard’ side (dababy, roddy ricch) and his softer side (the weeknd). he likes having that kind of duality, because it gives him the freedom to explore himself as a musician. 

personality

he’s a very hard worker, and extremely prideful. he doesn’t like accepting help from others, especially if he thinks they’re pitying him. he and his mother used to get a lot of “offers” of help, which were honestly just people feeling sorry for them, which he absolutely hated. he doesn’t even like asking for help when he knows he needs it. if you ever catch him asking for help, you best believe it’s because it’s his very last resort. 

if samyr’s face and name weren’t connected to his music, no one would even think that he was the one rapping and singing on his tracks. a lot of his music has explicit sexual innuendos and undertones, and holds a little aggression from time to time. it’s a complete contrast to samyr’s lowkey personality. what most people don’t know is that writing music is his outlet. he doesn’t get frustrated or angry (most of the time) because when he feels those things, he channels it into his writing. 

that being said, he does have a little bit of a temper. it’s something that his mother says he gets from his grandfather, a man he had never met because he passed away before his birth. he has a high tolerance for things, but if he’s pushed over the edge, he gets black out angry. he hates that though, which is why he stays ‘medicated’ most of the time (lmao he stays high) 

he’s so deep in the closet that he’s finding christimas presents. he knows that there’s nothing wrong with being gay, he’s an avid supporter of the lgbtq+ on social media platforms and such, but it’s just something that he struggles to accept about himself. his mother is very open minded, but he has a lot of family members who aren’t, and he doesn’t want them to disown him. 

kinda gets angry/upset if his own sexuality is brought up? maybe not really angry or upset, but just really defensive? again, finding christmas presents lol

very particular with and protective of his hair lol has definitely smacked a few people’s hands for trying to touch it

wanted connections

girl(s) that he’s dated in the past to as a way to somehow force himself to be straight. most of them ended due to him not being able to fully invest himself emotionally. we can discuss if they’re on good/bad terms! 

a few best friends, he definitely needs those 

if anyone has a muse that has songs with a male rapper featured, samyr’s your guy

the first guy he’s ever kissed 

relatives on his father’s side (he just recently started searching for his father, so it’d be interesting if he had cousins or half siblings around!)

someone that he confides in about his sexuality 

a guy who helps him explore his sexuality 

pr relationship(s) 

pr friendship(s) 

media fueled rivalry 

enemies

frenemies 

celebrity friends that are always seen out together (events, award shows, sports games, out shopping, e.t.c) 

literally anything?? i’m open to anything and everything!

[mikkock]

Uhm??????? Unacceptable?? Please tell me more about your OCs in that last art? I demand it? I want a full report on my desk before morning? Cite your sources please?

Oh no,, you’re asking,,, about my own faves,,, sorry to everyone, but I guess im never going to shut up ever now. (i already don’t shut up ever, what have u done, im now going to speak so much that society will collapse AT LEAST)

But for real. I enjoy pretending I don’t have faves, I love all my kids the same, buT WE ALL KNO THAT’S A LIE, those two my fave bitches (they snatched that title from the last two faves, rip to them, and they also snatched, n I must really make that clear, the title of “the bitches with the most AUs from the previous previous faves. Their power.)

SO. Get ready for a ride, table of content: them, their respective character, their story, and the pLETHORA OF ALTERNATE STORIES I GAVE THEM because i must yell about all the versions of my kids i have (non-exhaustive cause its that serious bro, but ill take extra time for the universe depicted in that art just for u bby). (tbh if clamp is allowed to sprinkle their fave gays in all their universes so am i, except they aint secondary characters there, every story is just theirs. love that concept.)(itll be so long you’re getting a whole novel even if i have to post it in two posts)

So~ Em twos. Dari n Wei-wei as I call em, or Dumbass n Egg if you wanna get friendly.

They’re my proudest instance of “oops i made a squad of characters, and two of them just accidentally were so perfectly compatible and complementary oh no I guess they’re in love now.” And then they became my favourite. Cause I guess their potential was too much (jk its bc they hot)

cuties.

I spent ten minutes wondering which to introduce first cause dang son, I want to talk bout them both so much shefjgfdg

First, as I technically designed him first (like ten minutes before the other), my man weiwei. if u ever saw my art its impossible that you havent seen him at least once. cause i’m legit always drawing him. cause im in love bro.

Demonstration : here are my computer scribbled weiweis of 2020 so far (with a few daris there n there they’re a package deal), that i could find, and they do not include all the paper sketches that i’m too lazy to take pics of. (i just been drawing him with so much hair these days that’s illegal, his brand is baldness)

But anyway, he’s CHEN Chia-Wei, he’s 21, he’s Taiwanese n I love him. Two very important facets of his character when you meet him: he doesn’t talk, and is absolutely, in every single dimension, built to make you fall head over heels for him.

He’s (in the “canon” storyline if i may call it that since it’s def not my most developed one but oh well) an art student, mostly paints but is also great at photography and videography (his vibe is busy hectic pieces with strong bold colours, lots of harsh edges, and very people focused).

Aside from that, he’s also super into fashion, and because he’s part of the rich boy squad (the “im broke so im giving half my characters wealth in compensation) he Can and Does exhibit some quite funky fits when he feels like it. (maybe a reason I draw him a lot, since my fave thing is pretty boys in weird ass clothes)(and then i also draw him in just casual shit cuz tittiful men in plain white tees you know. there’s just something about it.)

Small compilation of outfits. ft me and my band handwriting roasting outfits that id also kill to own but ok u know.

He digs music. (i make playlists for my OCs and i gotta say, his is the best one, i spent so many hours researching it, “arranging” it etc n its still a work in progress but dude. she got many moods my fave part is when it suddenly turns into so many cheesy ballads also she’s enormous cause im as wordy in playlists as I am in writing.) listens to a lot, n also he can play piano n guitar. cause you know. heartthrobs got to win your heart with a song (and if he’s alone he can even mumble some songs, who knows maybe even sing em softly, definitly a sight to stumble on accidentally). Big main artists that have his vibes are Hello Nico, No Party for Cao Dong, n Circa Waves’s “what’s it like over there” album.

He does a lot of sports. He ain’t fit through magic, rip to him. He’s got a serious routine, and it’s a time he likes to use alone, cause nothing like running at the break of dawn, alone with your thoughts, which you can just easily forget through the exhaustion of a workout session afterwards.

he also eats. A lot. Food is just good, bro. (the canon story is def happening some place europe aka his biggest struggle is how expensive food is here. outrageous.)

He secretly loves super cheesy movies. the dramatic romcoms??? the cute shows that are just so cute and worriless?? anything involving soulmates??? yeh dude. he watches it, he reads it, he listens to it, and he may cry about it, but no one will know. That’s the one true guilty pleasure. (and he definitly has a collection of romance dvds, books n manhuas in his old room back at the family home. where no one can see it. perks of studying abroad. no one can see ur hoarding of material that clashes your image. “yes i watch edgy experimental things haha yes i love those smart people movies of course wow the philosophy…” and then immediatly goes to watch the trashiest predictable but oh so sweet dramas all night)

While he doesn’t speak (as in with the mouth) he can communicate in a bunch of language, due to having moved around quite a bit. On top of his native mandarin and hokkien, he’s fluent in English, so he can use those to write, and is also fluent in TSL, and pretty good in HKSL (and from that, other close-in-syntax sign languages). So he doesn’t have trouble getting around, but then he is also overall quiet in public (with close friends and over text though, that’s another story, that’s where he gets chattier, and also where you may get more of his true personality). Also, he can speak with his sister. That’s pretty cool bro.

I was going to say he’s a very “hides his true colours under a shell” type of character but you know, for an egg character, that’s pretty ironic. We love poetic cinema.

He presents himself as a very laid back, chill detached dude, going with the flow and all that great stuff, and masterfully mixes just the right doses of mysterious, flirty and calm to just go around vibing. But ain’t that jUST THE MILLENIAL’S ILLNESS, those dANG KIDS, going around, gettin relationships but never intimacy 👏😢 (there’s more to it dont leave)

First of all, before you see the Drama, the Turmoil, the first thing you notice when you really do befriend him is that he’s c h i l d i s h, he gets sulky when things dont go following the plan, he gets whiny n jealous for not getting attention , he gets competitive over stupid challenges, and way too playful if you start teasing, and when he gets flustered too…you think you get cool stoic dude but actually you get a dude who’s reacting to things with way too much intensity, and boi i thought u were gon be mature what’s that why have you been pouting for three days over losing a bet come on- That’s mostly coming up when he interacts with his sister, but the closest you are to him to more of it you get to see.

He’s also an affectionate dude actually. Like physically. As in you’ll get spontaneous hugs. He’s come nap on your shoulder. That’s a perk of befriending him if you ask me.

Also he tries to look so cool, so tough haha. He’s actually a lil sensitiv boi. he gets fluffy, he gets flustered, he heart eyes. you turn around and he’s gazing at ya as if you were the whole universe. he gets a mini crisis for holding hands with his crush. ya know. he’s secretly a softie.

nerd.

Then in the “what he doesn’t show” (my fave part), where you stock all the anxieties, all the trauma… Obviously there’s a lot of anxiety here (selective muteness being a symptom of it, he hides the other ones very well) mostly fear of inadequacy, of abandonement and of loneliness. mmmmmmmaybe that’s why he was v reticent to continue pursuing that one guy he was into when he realised he was just a tad too into him oh no is that some,, like?? some lovey-love?? cant have that im afraid of gettin heartbroken bro. Aint that sad for a someone who’s one true goal is just findin someone to love and to be with forever, the struggles of yearnin for a soulmate when there’s nothing you fear more than getting attached to a person and letting them see you and your flaws.., delicious.

Now tho (because its so alone speaking about a character on their own and i just wanna get to the part where i can speak bout em together and how they bring out bits of each others ya kno, the good kush….), Dari…

He’s pretty, i must say, and got the funniest hair to draw, and comes from the most opposite background to weiwei’s.

Darian Andriev PARVANOV, also 21, comes from the remote Bulgarian countryside, but i still love him (this makes it sound as if i wouldnt normally love someone from the bulgarian countryside. its not what i meant. by default ud remind me of my son so you’d start being liked if u came from the bulgarian countryside) Now for the first instance of “wow, the complementarity”. The first thing i thought making Dari was that he looked too cool, and that he obviously was a dumbass, and mostly that he was physically unable to shut up. (o fuck he’s me)

best picture i could find of him. He’s got the dilemma of “wow he looked so pretty n cool until he opened his mouth” 

He’s ALSO an art student (cause they were initially created for the purpose of filling the gap of “i have ocs in every field except the one i sorta know that’s so stupid”), painting major (def vibes differently than weiwei though, he’s doing those soft pretty landscapes n flowers, everything real pretty and peaceful, we got some impressionism nerd in here folks). 

He was/is a real country boy, farm family, he helped tend the fields, he worked in plantations for pocket money, he knows how to take care of cattle and chicken and goats and all the cool babies you can take care of, he can tell whether the soil is good or not, he can drive a tractor, and doesnt fear dirt.

but then also he’s kind of a neat freak, he hates getting paint on himself, so the duality of man, dirt ok but paint? disgostin. his spaces are real neat and spotless, he likes cleaning (its relaxing) and does it nearly too often.

his dumbassery comes from lack of common sense and impulsiveness, aside from that he’s actually what you’d call “mad smart”, dude had em good grades, he can memorise pages upon pages of the most trivial information, he has an accumulation of knowledge beyond limits, and is good at problem solving. so he can recite all the words of the F letter of the dictionnary, but would also put a curling iron in his mouth to see if it would curl his tongue. (side note, he does have a problem with heat n fire, most his “oopsie how i wound up hurting myself on acccident” story involve burning -that stove was just too tempting…)

while he doesnt feel very attached to his home country, he does feel strongly for his family. he’d do anything for his mum (and actually does everything to make her proud already, that’s his one main goal), and he’s ready to sacrifice a lot for her (as in, spend years working non-stop a really uncomfortable job so his mother wouldnt have to pay a cent of his expenses even though she said she could by doing some sacrifices herself,and then being ready to come back as soon as needed if anything happened, and potentially drop his career and dream n go back to the farm life to provide for mama)(also he still does hold onto some parts of his home country’s traditions, and does sometimes feel homesick but more in a ‘i left the most beautiful landscapes n the city feels cramped and claustrophobic and i dont know people and i dont feel in the right place cuz im a forreigner with a thicc accent who doesnt master the language of this place and straight up have different body language communicators due to cultural difference oh lord i wanna be home where a nod means no and a head shake is yes i keep misunderstanding everything”)

if you want background noise he’s the perfect pal to call over, he’s just so chatty, he got hours and hours of non stop speech ready for you. you can shut him up once you’re done listening with the offering of food. works everytime.

he’s definitly not shy. neither in terms of talking to people, nor when it comes to making decisions. he’s quite bold, and rarely hesitates to go towards something he wants. he’s direct in his approach to most everything.

he likes partying. mostly the socialising part, talkin to people is just fun ya feel. and being in the crowd, doing whatever, pressure free? ya can dance n enjoy yourself, and people wont notice? yeah that’s nice. but doesnt do it super often cause broke bitches aint got the party time n budget. 

he likes arm. (just an excuse for me to drop this thing here cuz i like it)

While he’s an overall bubbly looking character, with a cheery loud personnality, he does carry some youth trauma that has him more reticent to engage in happiness, he comes from what you could call “not the wokest background” and he may have fallen victim of it : he’s kind of a flashy noticeable character, both physically and in his personnality, and doesnt exactly matches the expectations of dudes in the area he comes from (delicate, emotional and sweet guy? that doesnt exist bro). He went through it, and it has definitly had some impact on his confidence in many aspects. But he’s 100% the type of guy to put on the fake happy front because if feeling bad is sad, making the people you care about sad for you too is Unacceptable Right??? relying on friends?? what???

But then what are we supposed to be doing with such charming characters huh,,, 

Make them fall in love obviously.

Their story obviously has to do with falling in love and workin a relationship cause if I dont write romance i literally die, but I make the center pivot of all of it communication, and barriers in communications. Most obvious being them coming from wildly different cultures, having different native languages, and also the ways you adapt to muteness (what i love most bout that part is even then they fucked up given the easiest quickest small body language things to communicate are head nods n then i managed to make one come from the one country that reverses those like iconic how do they even understand each other -through a lot of work and love bro) but also on more “introspective” points, how to say things that you are even afraid to think about, how to open up and share your burdens and trauma with someone, how to say words you’ve been convinced you weren’t allowed to, the inner turmoil of communication in short. And then also communication through art, and through alternative unusual ways. If i were snobbish i could call it something like “a thinkpieces on how humans overcome obstacles in communication, and adapt, all for the sake of pursuing love” but fact is its mostly boys being in love n learning how to speak, figuratively and also quite literally. And also its me having fun with making characters evolve from each other, be able to influence each other for the better, helping each other be more comfortable with themselves and express the true things of their personnality, and discover new aspects. I just wanna write intense and soulful love bro.

So in less concept and more facts, weiwei meets dari, dari being his puppy self just immediatly strikes a conversation and weiwei gets interested cause “oho nice pretty boy? very good. i want some of that”. they get closer because you cant fight off the Power of friendship (and also the power of “what your friend is bestie with my friend?? guess we hanging out”) and then friendship and interest turns into pining, held back by respective dread of what romance with the other would mean (as in “romance?? cant have that we cant feel” and “with him?? cant do that, convince yourself he’s just a friend immediatly what would the family think”) but eventually they do have to just crash into one another cause that’s just the gravitational pull bro, its physics bro. and from then on its all unlearning destructive behaviours, bettering oneself with the help of the other, and getting over trauma to finally live ur best life. and gettin fckin married bro they’re both cheeseballs theyll wanna wed

BUT MAKING EM FALL IN LOVE ONCE ISNT ENOUGH time to make 3894853 alternate universes about em.

Lets speak bout my fave of those for a hot second.

First of all, the one of the art that brought this ask, guess i could call it “Pretty Tribes” AU, bunch of tribes live and do their things, having nature and energy powers. Dari n Weiwei’s tribes are bros, the latter’s powers needing them to move around to get energy from different places, enabling them different abilities. So basically they get to hang at the other’s place while the regenerate energy from there, and in exchange they help them out with various tasks (dari’s tribe is a rly farmer oriented one, with plant magic, while weiwei’s got more poyvalent powers, and have very good healers notably, so it comes in handy). The two boys were born a few months apart in their respective tribes, so naturally, anything the two clans meet, they’re put together to play and all, and from that they became besties, and each time they meet, after the gaps of time separating the two groups, they feel more and more of a little something else~ story is themed round growing up, friendship between clans, their traditions and cultures, and pretty boys in pretty clothes in pretty landscapes interacting with nature.

The superpower AU, i fuckin love it bro. Its an old one, made for other characters, but i just love it so much that i had to inject my faves in it. Its got a grimy ugly setting, bad government, propaganda, and fights between super-people (heavily mediatised for entertainment and reinforcing the idea that “look at these evil villains thank god us the good government protects you from them”), with a side of bad ethics in science. In all that, those two have the role of “those two young enemy warrior and villain, they were so powerful and fought so hard”, public figures, legendary and admired by both sides, everyone followed their fights, til one day they presumably died in one of their showdowns. (haha sike they actually found themselves talking for 5 seconds and realised they lived in a society, n built a plan to run away). The main characters get to find they’re alive because one of em had history with super-warrior-golden-boy and go to seek their help to overthrow the Big Bads. (stealing them from their nice gay cottage hermit life smh so rude)

Mermaids. I like those. Sailor weiwei sees merman dari, they both save each other in different occasions, they grow fascinated with each other, they’re at sea, water romance. Amazing. AU made half cuz i just like water n fish. and shirtless sailors.

(i couldnt find art of it in five minutes so have a link to that lil animatic piece i made of it once)

Indie band AU, where i was listening to songs that vibe so well with those two in general n then my brain was like “what if they’re the ones playing”. They’re (along with the rest of the art squad) a nice little alternative rock band, doing their thing, then one of their songs blows up, and they get quite the attention, to the dismay of dari who wrote that song in a moment of “oh no im so in love with my bandmate but i cant tell him what if i ruin everything we have going on ill just have to love from afar and deal with that” and now has way too many people interested in who he wrote it about and theorising from his every move when performing it (a mix of music, secret crushes and social media) (ft a picture of neither of them but its the least ugly art i found of this AU cuz its old and instruments are the bane of my existence)(also kelana is so pretty i gotta flaunt her around)

in kind of the same vibe, as in we’re in a music world overexposed to social media, i also integrated em to an AU i did for fun, “boyband AU” as its called aka idol based band system cuz you kno, i got a hobby, lets apply it. Band boy Dari and bodyguard Weiwei got a thing going on, but can’t really act on it in any way, because they’d just destroy the whole band if it ever came public. Featuring annoying bandmates, catchy pop songs and people making fanaccounts of that one hot Mr.Bodyguard cause dang he hot.

(all the art of this one so ugly im sorry)

SPY AU, one of my fave brand. They spies, they get assigned on the same mission, they work real nice with each other. spies hot. fights. strategy. i just like the concept. Gays taking down the worst traffics imaginable??? I love that song.(i actually have so much on this cause s p i e s are fuckin great)

Fashion. U kNOW i have an AU for fashion. Supermodel and his private stylist, trying to maintain the line of professionalism. And failing to do so. Lets make out in unpractical designer clothes.

Have an highschool AU for a bunch of characters, injected them as “spinoff”, start chatting online being art buddies, fall in love without meeting (ft. all the iconics of internet friendship like knowing tiny details of their personnalities but not the fact that they have a sister or “waIT ur a GUY i thought u were a girl wow wild good news for my gay ass”)

n those are my faves as far as i remember, i got a fuckton of small other ones that arent fleshed out enough, or some that are more of a guilty pleasure universe, and some that are more like “projects that i can expend on as soon as i run out of daydream material” (like u kno those hospital drama shows with super innacurate medicine n shit like idk scrubs or whatever, yeh i want some of that but im keeping it for later)

[dingletragedy]

one last night on this earth, can you teach me how the heart works?

ao3 link (part one)

London is one of Aaron’s favourite cities in the world. He’s so used to the stillness of village life that the buzz of the city makes him feel alive. Alive and brand new. There’s possibilities hidden down every street, hope in every bright light, and anticipation thrumming up every unimaginable skyscraper. It’s just a shame he’s not the one who’s made a life for himself down here, no, Adam has.

Truth be told he couldn’t be happier for Adam, but he can’t help the envy that flows through his veins. Aaron is stuck in Emmerdale still, the same routine day in day out. Work, eat, sleep. It’s not as if anyone is stopping him from following in Adam’s footsteps, well, anyone but himself. It’s just that he’s finally settled in Emmerdale, finally, after so many long years of feeling lost in his own body, he’s found a home. A home in his body, his mind, the village.

So of course he takes any and every opportunity to escape down the bustling city for a week. And Adam is more than happy to put him up, even goes as far as paying for his train tickets on occasions, desperate to see his best mate. Neither anticipated quite how painful the distance would be. Aaron now understands why people say losing your best friends is like losing a limb.

The thing is though, even spending the week with Adam can’t stop the gnawing feeling of loneliness eating him up, especially not when Adam ditches him for a date on the first fucking night. He’d matched with her on Tinder apparently, which Aaron scoffs at, because do people really still use that app? Her names Amelia, and that’s about all Adam knows about her considering they’ve only been talking for twenty-four bloody hours.

That feeling of envy is back again. Aaron can only wish he was as carefree and confident as Adam.

The hours tick by and Aaron betrays himself, somehow in the midst of feeling sorry for himself, he redownloads the Tinder app. Aaron’s had tinder for a lifetime but his profile hasn’t been updated since he was 20, he’s not exactly arsed about online dating, he reckons it’s overhyped and underwhelming. He finds himself scrolling through Tinder once a year, at most, when he’s exceptionally bored or having a dry spell in the sex department. Nothing has ever come of the swiping though.

The app alerts Aaron the second it’s finished downloading and curiosity gets the better of him.

He reviews his own profile first, and he instantly regrets his decision of entertaining his loneliness. It’s awful. Maybe this is why his previous success in online dating has been slim to none. He’s got two pictures up: the first is a silly photo of him and Adam, tongues poking out and shit-eating grins on their faces. The second is a picture his Mum had demanded she took of him after his first shift at the garage, his overalls are covered in grease and his own sweat has matted his hair to his forehead. Attractive, Aaron thinks. His bio reads a simple ’Not after anything serious’, and he cringes against it.

He doesn’t know what he’s after really, but with a bio like that he’s practically asking for unwanted dick pics. So he changes it.

Aaron, 22, Yorkshire. Mechanic. Trying this thing out again.

He’s happy to keep the simplicity of it without sounding like a creep.

Adam is pottering around in the kitchen, making himself (and Aaron) a predate dinner, when he stops and leans over Aaron’s shoulder. And Aaron curses himself for not being more secretive about his swiping, because suddenly Adam is acting like a small child on Christmas Day.

“Yes mate!” Adam exasperates when he notices the not-so-subtle app illuminating Aaron’s phone screen. “It’s about time you got yourself back on the dating scene.”

Aaron blows an unimpressed breath of air between his lips. But okay, Adam is probably right, only Aaron isn’t going to tell him that.

“You can’t swipe left on everyone,” Adam laments. “He was cute.”

“Nope.” Aaron flicks his finger again.

It's almost automatic. See a picture, swipe left, see the next picture, left again.

“Oh come on!  He’s cute, too!”

“And what would you know about it?” Aaron questions with a raise of his brows.

“I might not be gay, Aaron, but I do have a pair of perfectly good eyes.”

Fair point, Aaron thinks.

Adam rolls his eyes at him yet again. “C’mon, there’s gotta be someone here that’ll fit your exacting standards. Oh - what about him!”

“If you fancy them so much then maybe you need to start accepting that Ads.”

And he gets a punch on the arm for that.

With one final swipe left Aaron closes the app and Adam’s straight in his ear. “Oh come on mate, just give it a chance. Ya never know, you might just meet the love of your life.”

And so Aaron opens the app back up, to shut Adam up more than anything. He watches on as it refreshes itself, finding a new bunch of not-quite-right-men for Aaron to judge.

And then, the next profile comes up.

“Wow” he hears Adam blow out, frowning down at Aaron’s phone, “He looks like a bloody model”.

The photo staring up at them isn’t one Aaron expected to see on a site like this. It’s too sophisticated, too perfect, too gorgeous. Admittedly, this guy did have a really nice face. Aaron would have to be blind not to see that. If that's all they were going by, then he was definitely a winner.

He enlarges the profile, curiosity getting the better of him. Luckily the oven timer steals Adam’s attention back to the job at hand and Aaron is free to browse without judgement.

Robert, 24. It reads.

He’s a business manager or something fancy like that and he’s not at all Aaron’s usual type, but when he comes to think of it, what even is Aaron’s usual type? He curiously reads on.

Travelling between home and the big city.

Proud owner of an Audi R8.

Looking for someone to keep up with the demands of my non-existent social life.

I’m on Tinder because I’m Solo, what’s your excuse?

And honestly, that last bit goes straight over Aaron’s head.

He’s got four photos, dressed impressively in all except one, where he’s in his sweats and has a younger girl laughing at his side. That’s Aaron’s favourite. It looks like somebody's home, if the furniture in the background of the shot is anything to go by. It's taken from Robert's front as he leans against a wall, though he's in the middle of talking or laughing, his mouth open in a smile as he focuses on someone off camera to the side. He's got a can of cider in one hand, the other tucked into the pocket of his jeans. Casual yet jaw-dropping.

And yeah, for once Adam was right, he does look like a bloody model. A too-good-to-be-true model.

“Just swipe right will ya.” He hears Adam pipe up, and of course Aaron acts as if he has no idea what Adam’s talking about.

“Mate I’ve seen ya staring at his face for the last ten minutes. Just go for it”

“What’s the point anyway? He’d probably just be another nobody. Another one to add to the ever-growing list of nobodies.” Aaron falters. “Or, he could be the one” “I won’t meet the love of my life through a screen, Adam.” “And you won’t meet them cooped up in here all day either.” And, again, he has a point, but Robert is bloody gorgeous and Aaron is, well he’s Aaron. With one final look, Aaron sighs loudly and locks his phone, leaving Robert’s profile just sitting there, waiting for someone else to take the chance Aaron just threw away.

---

Robert is 24. Which doesn’t mean he has his shit together, because he doesn’t. But what he does have is a degree, and a more than successful job. And although technically he’s been an adult for six years, his downfall comes in the shape of dating. He's had relationships before, plenty, boys and girls, but never one that’s lasted longer than a year. Some may say commitment and Robert Sugden just aren’t compatible.

Except he’s got an invitation through the door this morning, another university friend is getting married and Robert really wishes he was at that stage of his life. He doesn’t mind being on his own for the most part, and it’s not as if he’s short of one night stands, but there’s something about the loneliness that digs at him, sometimes. The thought that maybe it’s too late for him, maybe he missed his chance somewhere along the way. There’s a party he should have gone to, or a train he should have missed. There’s someone he should have met by now, right?

He shakes his head of the thoughts but still finds himself scrolling through Tinder later that day, determined not to put his phone down till he’s fired off at least one message.

After an excruciating half an hour his thumb is throbbing in pain, but then gets to the profile of a man named Aaron, who is currently a few kilometres away, and he purses his lips. Because the guy’s picture has two attractive men on it, but one of them sparks Robert’s interest a lot more than the other. He looks young, but his profile also looks very outdated and Robert laughs against it, because it’s obvious this guy sucks at online dating. It really shouldn’t be so endearing. Robert gets plenty of attention online, but he wouldn’t exactly say he’s a dab hand at Tinder. A couple of one night stands and a few terrible dates isn’t anything to show off about.

Luckily the boy, Aaron, has another photo. And fuck, he’s wearing overalls. Robert claims he doesn’t believe in love at first sight, but he’s definitely feeling something at first sight.

As if by some miracle, Aaron has his Instagram linked to his account and although it’s is about as bare as his Tinder, it gives Robert the chance to do a spot of obsessive stalking. And even after thoroughly looking through all of Aaron’s 7 photos, he still can’t pinpoint what it is about the younger boy that’s making butterflies dance in Robert’s stomach.

At first, Robert thinks about swiping left because Aaron is, objectively, very hot. Maybe too hot. And Robert’s not sure he can handle the rejection. But then he reminds himself who the fuck he is and swipes right.

It’s a match! the app announces, and Robert wants to immediately fire off a message to Aaron.

So he does.

---

Aaron should know better by now than to leave his phone unattended in Adam’s company. If he doesn’t return to a camera roll full of ridiculous selfies, then he returns to a new match and message on Tinder.

Considering Aaron hadn’t swiped right on any of the 5o or so suspects he got through, and Adam is looking rather sheepish, it’s pretty obvious what’s gone on here. He gives Adam an earful, makes sure he knows exactly how pissed off Aaron is but stop abruptly when he unlocks the notification.

It’s a match, Robert likes you too. Getting chatting!

Aaron clicks on the message with a thudding heart and sweaty palms - Hey, tie your shoes! I don’t want you falling for anyone else.  - it reads. And can barely stop the laugh from escaping his lips.

Adam spots the bashful smile that Aaron is sure must be covering his face, “So, what did he say?”

“I don’t think that’s any of your business, do you? Anyway, haven’t you got a date waiting for you. You know you can only be fashionably late a number of times, Adam.”

And then he as much as pushes Adam out of the door, as if he’s shipping his moody teenager off to school. Once alone, Aaron has the time to think of a reply for Robert.

Aaron wasn’t one in favour of online relationships. He thought the whole process was awkward and unsafe. You never knew exactly who you were talking to online – they could be someone old and gross rather than what they proclaim to be. But he figured there was no harm in chatting to Robert, it’s not as if he was ever going to meet him.

Aaron: That sure is a shit pick up line for someone who claims to own an Audi R8.

Robert: Hey that’s one of my best! And not one I use lightly, thank you very much

Aaron: It was terrible mate Robert: Friend-zoned already? Ouch. Wounded :(

Aaron: What are we, 17?

Robert: God no. Well at least I hope not. Although I’ve got to admit you do look pretty babyfaced on those photos.

Aaron: Charming

Aaron: But yeah, I probably was about 17 then. I don’t use this thing much

Robert: Guess I should count my lucky stars then? ;)

Aaron: Are you always this dramatic?

Robert: What can I say, it’s all part of my charm

Aaron: Sure, mate ;)

Robert: Right go on then. you’ve got three questions. Pick wisely.

Aaron: Who said I want to ask you any questions? Bit sure if yourself aren’t you?

Robert: Are you always this mean?

Aaron: What can I say, it’s all part of my charm ;)

And Aaron has to take a minute out, because surely that can’t be right, surely he, Aaron Dingle, can’t be flirting? Aaron had never been a flirt, anyone would tell you that, in fact, the only way to describe Aaron’s flirting was hopeless. But after all of the few minutes he’d been chatting to Robert, he felt like he’d known him forever – which was strange because they hadn’t even talked about themselves yet - but Aaron felt comfortable enough to let his guard down for the first time in years.

Aaron bit his lip – wondering why he was analysing his own behaviour so much. Sure, Robert was fit, but that didn’t mean that anything was going to happen between them, so Robert’s opinion on him shouldn’t mean anything. But it kind of did.

There’s something about Robert that makes him never want to stop talking to him. Something so compelling, so different, so - exciting.

So he doesn’t stop talking to Robert, not until it’s nearing three in the morning and Aaron’s losing the battle he’s been having with his eyes to stay open.

Aaron says his goodnights to Robert and shyly suggests they pick up where they’re leaving off tomorrow. Thankfully he gets an eager response and falls asleep with this foreign, but warm, feeling in his chest.

---

They talk every day for the next few days, alternating between messages and silly photos of absolutely anything. It becomes a mainstay in Robert’s days, something he looks forward to when he wakes up and anticipates throughout the day.

It’s the fourth day of consecutive conversation when he dares to suggest something to Aaron. A skype call.

It’s Wednesday evening and Robert’s had the day from hell at work, but he’s made it past the halfway point, now there’s just a mere few days before he’ll be back in the comfort of his Leeds office, with people who actually know how to do their jobs.

He’s perched on his bed, the bedside lamp is creating a warm glow around the hotel room, the nights drawing in earlier every day now. And Aaron’s in the same position, Robert figures when his blurry figure takes over the screen. He’s wearing a long-sleeved white shirt and what appears to be a pair of tracksuit bottoms. Suddenly Robert feels like an idiot for purposely keeping shirt buttoned to the top and fixing his tie. Aaron looks gorgeous though, so much more so that Robert could’ve ever imagined. It’s obvious he’s the same boy from the few Tinder pictures, that cheeky grin is unmistakable, but he looks so different also. Older, as if he’s grown into himself, and there’s stubble now, stubble that Robert can’t wait to get his hands on. And his eyes, Robert doesn’t know what to say about his eyes, just that he hopes all his future children have those eyes.

Aaron’s voice is quiet and soft and delicate. Not at all the kind of voice you’d expect to come from someone with Aaron’s appearance. He sounds almost timid, nervous even, and a part of Robert hopes he is, because if Robert’s rapid heartbeat and sweaty palms are anything to go by, then so is he.

They chat for hours, Aaron lets Robert whine about work and Robert listens to Aaron as he moans about what a terrible host Adam is. Robert tentatively asks about Aaron’s plans for the rest of the week, he knows Aaron’s heading back to Yorkshire soon and, well, he wants nothing more than to see him - really see him - while they’re both down in London.

“Me and Adam are heading out tomorrow, he’s finally decided that we should do something other than play Fifa all day whilst I’m down! He said something about sight-seeing and then a few drinks, but what he probably means by that is pointing at the London and then sitting in a pub all night.” Aaron replies, and really, Robert is on awe of him. “Why?”

“Well I was just - um - wondering - if you - um,” He takes a depth breath and reminds himself who the fuck he is, “Can I take you out, Friday night?”

And Aaron’s back to biting his lip, a frown taking over his features. It does nothing to stop the nervous feeling tearing apart Robert’s stomach.

And suddenly Robert’s backtracking, “I mean if you want. It’s fine if you don’t I just thought-”

“Shut up idiot, of course I want to.”

“Yeah?” Robert questions with what must be a shy smile, one replicated by Aaron.

“Yeah.”

Three hours later he’s still there, on Robert’s computer screen, yawning and scrunching up his eyes and smiling without teeth. Robert smiles back at him and says, “You should probably go to bed.” And Aaron fake whines and says he doesn’t want to go to sleep when he could be talking to Robert instead - sleep deprived and inhibitions melted away. They spend another half an hour just ending the call, arguing about who will be the first to press the threatening red button at the bottom of the screen. And honestly, Robert feels like a teenager again with the way they're just looking at each other, unable to hold their laughter in.

And when Robert wakes a few hours later his laptop is still placed on his knees. Aaron’s face filling the dimly light screen. Aaron’s soft snores pouring out the tinny speakers. Aaron’s chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm. Robert falls back to sleep and for the first time ever, he dreams of a warm body and the deepest blue eyes.

[harusha]

I just saw your post about PJ and I'm wondering, do you have any book recs?

On mythology specifically or overall? I’m gonna do both since I’m not sure. Also sorry for the relatively late reply, I had to think about this, and I just got back from dinner.

The Count of Monte Cristo- Fantastic page turner, and a genuinely good “revenge” tale. It’s actually one of the first of that kind (or at the very least, one of the most popular ones). It’s also a book that a lot of people cite as the one that changes their mind on classics as “boring.”

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn- Somewhat of a controversial pick (both because of its subject matter and because it’s often “required high school reading,” ie “boring” to a lot of people.)

Huck Finn is an exceedingly complex character, and his friendship with Jim is really good. Pay attention to what Huck Finn does and says; he’s an unreliable narrator due to how he was brought up, his age, and his illiteracy. There’s also a lot of symbolism and other literary devices at play in his character (ex. notice his fixation with death and how it colors how Twain writes him). It’s very much a book I recommend if you want to study the unreliable narrator as a trope, the  Naïf version of it.

As a side note, it’s very poignant because of how Huck learns to condemn his racism. One of the messages you can get from this book is “If this uneducated poor white boy can learn to overcome his prejudices, so too can someone who has been educated, has money, etc.” It is a brutal condemnation of racism (though you do have to consider the time period, the “lens” of which you have to view through.)

Lolita- Another controversial pick, and one I’ll upright say as a lot of trigger warnings attached (google the summary, and you’ll see what I mean).

Beautiful prose (some of my favorite in literature actually) and a monster of a protagonist. When you read this, remember how Humbert Humbert is framing it. He is telling his tale to a court; he is unreliable and will frame events to make himself appear sympathetic. One notable factor of the author’s skill is how often Humbert gains the readers’ sympathy despite the atrocious subject matter. I personally felt viscerally uncomfortable reading his thoughts, and this is one of the few books that has ever made me feel that way. I didn’t fall into the sympathy trap, but look at any discussion of the book, and you’ll see what I mean.

I also recommend this author’s (Vladimir Nabokov) other works.

Franz Kafka’s literary works- Kafka is one of my favorite authors because he really showcases the isolation (both due to WWI, technological advancement, and the “beginnings” of modern capitalism) of the beginning of the 1900s, and he’s one of modernism’s premier authors. His works often deal with the themes of isolation, judgement, and outcasts. 

In particular, I’m fond of “The Metamorphosis” (cliche pick I know) and “In the Penal Colony.” The former is a short story so quick read if you just wanna try his writing style + it’s very influential (See Part 1 of Tokyo Ghoul for one example).

Also know that Kafka had a very strained relationship with his father and a conflicted relationship with his religion. I recommend reading “Letter to his Father” first to get an understanding of Kafka’s psyche to truly get pass the “nonsensical” nature of his works. It, like the title says, is a letter he wrote to his father, but his mother never delivered it.

If you want even more info on Kafka to understand his works, I recommend Kafka: Judaism, Politics, and Literature which covers a lot more (and in more succinct words) than I can on his works and life. As a fun fact, Vladimir Nabokov also placed him as one of the greatest writers of the 20th century. On Kafka himself, he thought he was a failure of a human being and writer, and now look at him. He’s up there in the Western Canon with Shakespeare.

Paradise Lost + Paradise Regained- If you’re interested in Lucifer (or Samael if you subscribe to that theory), this is a must-read. Beautiful, haunting, and with a very charismatic figure in Lucifer. Alongside the obvious Divine Comedy, this work has influenced the portrayal of Lucifer and Hell quite a bit imo. Namely, the “sympathetic” portrayal you find in works such as Supernatural. It’s also an epic poem so it’s best listened to imo rather than read.

No Longer Human- Osamu Dazai’s work if you’re into that one show. An incredibly depressing book that’s often thought to be semi-autobiographical. It’s a haunting book that I don’t recommend for prose, but for the mood it evokes. I don’t recommend this unless you’re in a decent state of mind.

The Catcher in the Rye- Mildly controversial pick in that you either hate Holden or love him. It’s a book where you have to be in the “right” state of mind to appreciate Holden. For example, the period of moving away from home for college  This work deals with societal isolation and human loneliness and features an unreliable narrator.

It’s just a very particular feeling you have to be experiencing to appreciate Holden. I think anyway.

The Epic of Gilgamesh- Not super fancy or a reinterpretation of whatever. Just the oldest known written work of mankind. I like it a lot, but I like Sumerian myth so YMMV. It’s still missing a few tablets last I checked, but still a good read.

Also the related Enuma Elish, you get the creation myth.

Vampire Chronicles- I recommend the first three or four so books honestly. Afterwards, Anne Rice just goes off the rails. Prose is pretty, and Lestat is a terrible person but fascinating to read about. I am partial to Armand though tbh.

Dracula- I think this is another page-turner. I certainly enjoyed it. I don’t think it’s as scary as it would be in its’ published time period, but it is a classic Gothic horror. The unabridged version may look intimidating, but like Monte Cristo, you’ll sweep through it rather quickly.

“A Rose for Emily”- One of William Faulkner’s short stories. I think it’s a lovely piece and showcases the Southern Gothic (crumbling house, decaying and failing tradition and the southern nobility, etc.) There’s a theme of decay and time passing throughout this work.

As a side note, I actually enjoy Faulkner a lot, but he’s a difficult author imo. It’s not as apparent in this work, but more so in Intruder in the Dust (the first racial thriller) and especially The Sound and The Fury.

Cat on a Hot Tin Roof- A play that deals with repressed homosexuality (maybe, it depends on how you interpret Brick’s dialogue and actions), loss, and denial. I quite like it a lot, and Tennessee Williams actually was gay (was because he’s dead and all). I read it, but tbh I feel like it would be better watched if you can find a performance on Youtube.

The Picture of Dorian Gray- Oscar Wilde’s most well known work imo. I enjoy the prose and the themes of corruption and indulgence present throughout the novel. There’s also a lot of allusions to Faust in it if you’re interested in that.

Peter Darling-a more modern choice but it features a trans and gay protagonist. Part of what I enjoy is how it’s not browbeaten into you that the protagonist is trans. It’s interwoven into the character where it’s an important part of him, but to where it doesn’t overwhelm his entire character. However, this is a novel where I feel the beginning and ending are great, but the middle is so-so. It’s a retelling of Peter Pan.

The Tain- Focuses on Cu Cuchulain and his cycle.

Poetic Edda- A must read if you’re interested in exploring Norse myths outside of Marvel. It’s basically a collection of tales.

Arabian Nights- Scheherazade is one of my favorite female figures from literature. She’s daring, clever, and particularly resourceful. It’s a frame narrative sort of tale so you technically won’t be seeing her as much since she’s telling each story, but it’s a lovely piece and perfect for a bedtime read because of its collection of tales. A lot of them have been referenced in media and related as well.

The Book Thief- Classic YA novel rec. It’s set in WWII and one of the novels that really showcases what YA could be. Basically a classic gem in the rough pile.

John Keats- He’s a poet, but I love his poetry because of how haunting and dark it can get; he often deals with themes of mortality.. Ode to Nightingale is particularly good.

China’s Four Great Classical Novels (Journey to the West, Dreams of the Red Chamber, Water Margin, Romance of the Three Kingdoms)- I decided to clump them here since this is already super long. Each one is incredibly well-known in Asia (and obviously China), and you can find allusions everywhere to these four novels. Each novel is rather long and expensive though (I paid like 40 USD for each set). Journey to the West follows Sun Wukong, unarguably one of the most well-known figures in literature (at least in the East; he’s super influential, but somewhat less so in the West; keyword somewhat). Dreams of the Red Chamber has some very pretty poems, but it’s often thought to be the semi autobiographical work of the author (it deals with the rise and fall of his family and the dynasty).

Daiyu’s flower poem is one of the most memorable for example.

The blossoms fade, the blossoms fly,  the blossoms fill the sky. Their crimson fades, their scent dies out,  and who is there to pity?  Drifting threads gently twist together  and float past the springtime lodge;  Falling willow floss lightly sticks  and strikes the lady’s window drapes.

Water Margin is a bit “bawdier” than the other ones imo, but it’s a good tale and has many notable figures and scenes. On Three Kingdoms, it’s the one I’d recommend to start with if you’re interested in military intrigue and battles.

I also have a Goodreads where I organize everything by shelf if you prefer to look at that. I do need to update it though tbh.

https://www.goodreads.com/Mahariel

[lightsandlostbells]

Skam France season 3, episode 4 reaction

Manon really does come across as Lucas’ deeply invested mom, like if she started leaving educational pamphlets around the flat titled IT’S OKAY TO BE GAY I would not be surprised.

Episode 4

Clip 1 - What the hell, Mika

Manon is telling the flat about her time in London. Lucas seems a bit miffed judging by the look he’s giving her, to be honest. Annoyed that she interrupted his moment with Eliott? Or just perceptive that she’s leaving out pertinent details of her story and things weren’t so great for her? With Noora, she was openly talking about how things had gone wrong with her and William; Manon is hiding whatever happened with Charles and putting on a happy face.

But Mika and Lisa are overjoyed to have her back. The three of them together again, they’ll be so happy! Uh, what a great thing to say in front of your other roommate? Mika, Manon, and Linn are the Three Musketeers and Lucas is like a bug they graciously decided not to squash.

Manon thinks this is a temporary arrangement until Charles returns. Lucas asks when Charles is coming back, Manon says he’s finishing up a project and it’ll be like a week or two. Uh-huh. Probably not the case, but on the surface, she makes it sound very reasonable, things are A-OK in Marlesland.

Mika says Manon can have Lucas’ room. The fuck? Lucas is like similarly surprised and Mika yells at him letting Manon sleep on the sofa, that’s why Lucas isn’t hooking up with girls if that’s how he treats them. Again, the fuck?

Manon says she’s OK sleeping on the couch and Mika hushes her and goes on about how bad she looks as a way to guilt trip Lucas. I’m sure Manon appreciates hearing that she looks like shit. Lucas says something completely sensible, that Mika should give Manon his room then, and Mika is like WHOA SLOW DOWN. It’s only logical that Manon should get her room back, right? Lucas is like, but she left it to me and it’s not even the same flat. Mika is all, this is a family and you’re like a cousin. Lisa adds, a distant cousin. Dude, fuck off, both of you.

Mika and Lisa decide Manon should get Lucas’ room and Manon sits there. Lucas gets up in a huff. The hell did I just watch?

This scene was messy as hell and people were not happy about it!

Previously I had thought it was amusing that Mika and Lisa gave Lucas a hard time, because I assumed it was coming from a place of love. You know, how Eskild made fun of Isak for his room stinking and him being a cranky teenage boy. Maybe Lisa doesn’t care about Lucas as much, and she’s been shown as a very crabby character, much more than Linn, so I don’t expect her to be all warm and fuzzy. But Mika? He sheltered Lucas in S2. We don’t know if it was under the exact same circumstances, but Lucas was crashing at their place, and Mika had to know something was up, because why else would a teenage boy not be living at home? Why would he prefer to sleep in the cellar of someone who’s practically a stranger? And I’m not sure the writer was intending to make this scene come off as harsh as it does. But this scene made me reevaluate my take on Mika and his relationship with Lucas and the whole flat-share dynamic.

I was trying to compare the Isak-Eskild dynamic to the Mika-Lucas dynamic up to this point, through episode 4. Because we might be influenced knowing the Pride clip and other important moments are coming, whereas prior to Pride it’s possible we might have felt less warmth about Isak and Eskild’s relationship. After all, the meatiest stuff about their relationship is still to come - even the backstory about Eskild picking him up in a bar is mentioned first in episode 5. But nah, I feel like Eskild’s whole demeanor is just more nurturing and fond even when he’s teasing Isak even though he and Mika have fairly similar scenes so far in these seasons. When Noora came back, Eskild said that it had been chaotic in the flat, and that Isak was a good kid but lazy. But still ... a good kid! And when Isak pointed out that he was sitting right there, Eskild said there was no need to get jealous, he liked him, too. So, some gentle roasting of Isak, but mingled with affection. Whereas Mika didn’t have anything positive to say about Lucas in this clip, voted to kick him out of his room, and made a clear distinction between the other three and Lucas, with Lucas being the outsider they care less about.

Whatever they intended, it felt really mean. That’s Lucas’ room, not Manon’s. She never even lived in this apartment! It has never been her room! Were they going for some comic relief by having Mika and Lisa decide Lucas is the one to get kicked out of his room, like ha ha, they make him sleep on the couch? I would be a lot less annoyed by that if Mika at least were affectionate about Lucas. I don’t know, joking or making a comment like, “I love you, buddy, but you gotta take one for the team” (or something similar)? It’s the combination of him getting kicked out of his room and them dismissing him as not in the “family” that makes it feel nastier than intended. Because we know Lucas’ backstory. He’s a teenage boy with a father who left and a mother with serious mental health issues, who left home to go sleep in a basement of a near-stranger. He feels abandoned enough as it is. And Mika knows at least part of this history! It feels really fucking insensitive to kick Lucas out of his own room when Lucas is clearly upset about it. For them to call Lucas a “distant cousin” is the worst part, especially when they’re showering Manon with love.

I can absolutely see why perhaps this dynamic was intentional, to highlight Lucas’ detachment and show his distance from everyone. But this doesn’t seem like Lucas’ problem. If we look at Isak, he was distancing himself largely due to his own internal struggles - like he couldn’t tell the truth to his friends, he thought his mom was a lost cause. His personality was very withdrawn and what he presented was fake. Because we followed Isak’s character development, we got to see him learn to reach out to others and be more authentic, and that came with having better relationships. This situation doesn’t seem like Lucas’ fault, though, it seems like the roommates’. So I’m not sure it really works for me, narratively. Maybe the point is that Lucas isn’t being cozy or friendly enough with them? I don’t know if we’ve seen enough of that to make this distinction. 

I was kinda wary about Mika at times last season, and was worried that they were going more for comedy with him to the extent of toning down Eskild’s more serious moments, his kindness and nurturing. I came around on him because he was there for Manon after the assault, but now I’m wondering how they’ll handle stuff like the Pride clip. I feel like it won’t seem earned. How Lucas is supposed to open up to someone who sees him as a distant relative rather than a member of the family? Isak was able to open up to Eskild because Eskild treated him with care. I hope they address that distance Lucas feels and have Mika explain that he does think Lucas is great and is glad he’s staying there or whatever.

Adding to this: Mika’s constant needling of Lucas being heterosexual and liking girls is starting to seem even weirder in light of this clip. Like I thought maybe it was him trying to cover for Lucas and act like he didn’t know his big secret. It was a kindness, because surely Mika knows or suspects that Lucas is gay - otherwise how did he find Lucas and hide him last season if it wasn’t a gay bar? We know Emma and Manon told him the gossip? But he seems so callous here that I’m wondering what his motivation is with all the hetero jokes. At a certain point it seems like he’s rubbing it in Lucas’ face, even if it’s not the intent. And that’s another reason why he might seem worse toward Lucas than Eskild was to Isak, because Eskild absolutely did not make hetero jokes about Isak like this, in a way that started to feel aggressive. 

Right now I’m just wondering what they’re doing with Mika and the Mika-Lucas dynamic, if they’re going to minimize it or if they’ll replace it with another relationship (like put in Manon or Alex instead) or if they’ll try to strengthen that relationship in the rest of the season.

Clip 2 - Manon’s about to bake Lucas a rainbow cake

In his room Lucas texts Eliott about how last night was nice and if he wants to do anything that afternoon. I like that he takes a moment before he sends it. Eliott replies that yeah, yesterday was nice, which makes Lucas smile. Awww. Something going well for him after getting evicted from his room. But Eliott says he’s busy and they’ll see each other Monday, which is a downer. 

However, I want to point out that Even told Isak in the OG equivalent that he had plans with Sonja, after telling Isak in the kitchen that he couldn’t break up with her (attempts to kiss him nonetheless). The scene with Noora and the roommates focused on her talking about how if Wiliam loves her, he’ll choose her, which was a clear parallel to Isak hoping Even will choose him over Sonja, only for Even to choose Sonja (that afternoon, anyway). Which sucked for Isak. By contrast, Eliott did not tell Lucas that he couldn’t break up with Lucille, and in fact said their relationship was ending and that he would like to be in a relationship with someone, “not necessarily a girl.” You know. As subtle as a hurricane. So there is much, much less room for Lucas to doubt that there are any obstacles with Eliott other than the technicality of dumping Lucille (and breaking things off with Chloé). That continues here, because Eliott just says he’s busy. Not with Lucille, just busy, which could mean anything. He might have to go visit his grandparents, he might have promised to go furniture shopping with his mom, he might have plans with another friend to go to fucking Disneyland. It’s a bummer for Lucas but not necessarily a reason for him to doubt that Eliott is really interested. So that tension isn’t as prevalent.

Manon comes in, Lucas resumes packing up his shit. To her credit, Manon says not to bother, she can sleep on the couch. But Lucas says Mika will kill him. Manon is like, it’ll be a few weeks, maybe a month. Oh fuck that. Why doesn’t Manon go stay with any of her other friends? Can’t she crash with Emma? Is she that concerned about putting up a front that everything is fine with her and Charles? Or that much in denial?

Also, did she just go from saying “It’ll be a week or two” to “It’ll be a month at most” within the space of a few hours? Because lol.

For a more optimistic take, especially since at the end of the clip Manon seems grateful and Lucas accepts that, it might be that Lucas feels he owes Manon since she offered her room to him at the end of S2. Which I would totally understand! But I wish it hadn’t come with Mika and Lisa being jerks about it.

Manon asks about that guy last night. Who is he? Totally casual. Lucas says he’s a friend. Who is this friend? Is he new. Totally casual. Manon comes across like a mom wanting to make sure her kid is socializing in kindergarten. Lucas wants to know why she’s asking all these questions. No reason! Totally casual. Lucas, not thrilled with this line of conversation, says if she wants her room back he has to move stuff out of there, so Manon leaves.

Manon clearly suspects that Lucas is gay, which we already knew, and that he and Eliott have a thing, and is trying to nudge him out of the closet, I guess. I do think she really means well and that she’s not asking for that spicy gossip. She probably wants him to know she’s OK with him being gay and trying to show him support when she knows life has been rough for him. It’s just that she needs to take a step back and let this thing unfold on Lucas’ terms. Lucas is obviously not ready to open the closet door. Both she and Mika are making this more stressful on him, I think: Manon is trying to probe him for information on Eliott and his dating life and that makes him defensive, and Mika keeps dropping comments about Lucas being straight which probably frustrates him, as a constant reminder that he’s not. 

Clip 3 - Protect Daphne at all costs

Emma ambushes Lucas at his locker. Manon didn’t tell Emma (her BFF) she was returning and Emma is surprised at that, so I think she’s trying to keep her Charles drama to herself. I wonder if there’s a particular reason that she’s not opening up about it, considering that Noora told her friends all about her epic romance with William not being what she thought is was. Does it have more to do with the court case, if they go through with that S4 content? Not wanting anyone to ask questions?

Daphne interrupts them, saying she thinks they got caught (re: the party). The headmaster caught her cleaning up in the morning and the furniture was still pushed to the side, so she said it was because they’re repainting the mural, but the guard still saw students there Friday night and they’re trying to figure out who it was. Emma is like, oh, the guard caught you Friday, that’s why I came back and no one was there. She and Alex were busy fucking in a classroom, lmao.

Some random girls say the party was great to Daphne as they walk by, so oh no, they won’t be able to keep it a secret! Oh my God, did you JUST realize this now. Are you kidding me. Congrats. Teenagers.

Is this going to come back later in the season at all? Because if not, this is gonna feel like a dangling plot thread. Daphne could’ve been like, whew, I think we got away with it, but her anxiety over it and the randos talking about it make it seem like it’s unfinished business. I’m not sure how any of that would fit in with the OG S3 story, so it would have to be a new addition to the plot, if any characters do get caught.

Daphne says at least the common room is popular now, and Eliott offered to repaint the mural. Emma asks who’s Eliott and Lucas looks at her as if scandalized. How can Emma not know the Eliott? I mean, let’s be real, that guy is hard to miss. Lucas offers to help with the mural because, you know, Eliott.

Basile appears down the hall. STAY BACK, DEMON.

Daphne thinks Lucas’ interest in the common room is because he wants to replace her as the head of the project. LMAO, I love that her mind goes there. 

Basile waves at Daphne and she gives him the finger. LOVE YOU MY QUEEN. He completely deserves it after he tried to plaster his pelvis against her at the party after she explicitly said she was uninterested in him, you know, that wacky bit of sexual harassment, comedy gold, har har. 

Basile says the more Daphne turns him down, the more he likes her. GOD FUCK OFFFFFFF

I might seem over the top with my hatred of him, but I don’t care. Are we really gonna do this shitty dynamic? In 2019? As if this isn’t the most basic textbook representation of male entitlement to women’s attention and rape culture? No means no. Daphne said no. Basile thinks her rejection is enticement rather than respecting it for what it is. 

Again, maybe they’re going somewhere with this! Maybe Basile’s ass will get roasted and flambéed over his attitude toward women in a way that finally gets through to him. Maybe he will have character development. We’ve seen plenty of sexist behavior from the boys, but with Basile it crossed a line into physical harassment. The fact that they’ve made one of the protagonist’s friends someone who does not respect a girl’s boundaries really doesn’t sit right with me. It’s like I’m not actually sure they do get how bad Basile’s behavior is, because it’s framed in a way that gives off comic relief vibes. It’s funny because Basile’s a loser and Daphne thinks he’s a loser! 

I hope he and Daphne do not happen. Hell no. Just get a Fleshlight, dude, and leave girls alone.

Basile is throwing a party on Saturday and he says his hot cousin will be there, who he has a shot with, Arthur is like WTF, Basile says cousins are OK, and I don’t care if this is meant to be a joke, I’m fucking tired, man. I’m not even gonna feel bad when Lucas ditches him.

Clip 4 - Lucas and Imane on religion

Alexia is telling Imane that Romain got super turned on by seeing Clara at the party and learning Alex is bi, and now he wants a threesome. OK, so he kinda sucks, too, for making his girlfriend’s sexuality about what his penis wants? Considering Basile, Mika, and Romain, I guess they had to throw in some shitty male characters to compensate for Eliott’s greatness.

Meanwhile Lucas is texting with Eliott about the mural. They set up a meeting on Wednesday, which makes Lucas happy. He also gets a text from his mom about seeing the devil leaning on him and to be careful. Creepy shit and not at all what a teenage boy flirting with another guy needs to hear right now. “The devil” being close to him - is the devil homosexuality? Not that his mom would know that, but I’m sure Lucas is taking those words to heart.

After Alex leaves, Lucas asks Imane how she can listen to talk about bisexuality and threesomes, isn’t it against her religion? I’m glad they kept in the text from his mom to demonstrate that it’s what prompted him to ask Imane about religion. A religious character seemingly at ease with bisexuality must seem important to him since he probably fears it’s the opposite of how his mom will be (well, in his case homosexuality). 

Imane says yes, bisexuality is against her religion, but it doesn’t prevent her from being friends with someone. Lucas thinks that is hypocritical. Well, although I think Imane probably doesn’t think it’s wrong herself - if she’s like Sana she disagrees with that part of her religion - I don’t care for the “hate the sin, love the sinner” attitude. I don’t think I could be friends with someone who disapproved of such an intrinsic part of me. That’s probably not what they meant, but it gives me those vibes.

Imane says Lucas is friends with Basile, does he approve of the way he speaks about girls and hits on them? Lucas is like … no. Errr, you seem to be pretty chill with it almost all the time, dude. Imane says it’s the same. And look, I get what she’s trying to say, we don’t have to agree with everything about our friends, but holy fuck @ comparing bisexuality to sexual harassment, as if those are equivalent things to tolerate in people.

Lucas is clearly not sold. Imane asks whether he has a problem with Islam. Lucas says he doesn’t have a problem with Islam, Islam has a problem with people. Like, for example, gay people. The dialogue becomes similar to that between Isak and Sana. Lucas says he believes in science, Imane says well according to the theory of evolution, homosexuals are useless for reproduction. Then she brings up conversion therapy, saying that people used machines to shock gay people into supposedly not being gay anymore, and those were created by science, so is his religion any more merciful than his?

There’s something a little off about this scene, in the way that Skam France sometimes is when they copy dialogue from OG. What’s off is that in Skam, Isak started off his rant by challenging religion from an intellectual level - he asked Sana why she was religious because she was smart and the world was progressing, implying that religion is outdated and well, for suckers. That it was illogical for Sana to be religious. That’s why she countered him on an intellectual level as well, pointing out that the science he believed in also was illogical in some ways. He specifically mentioned the theory of evolution as something he believed, which is why Sana uses that example. But Lucas is not attacking Imane’s religion from an intellectual perspective - he’s attacking it from a moral perspective. He’s say Islam has problems with people. He didn’t say anything about religion being illogical and antiquated and Imane being too smart for it, he’s implying that he thinks Islam hurts people. So when she starts talking about homosexuality being incompatible with evolution, it’s actually just a weird tangent she goes on, lmao? That has nothing to do with ... evolution having problems with people, or whatever, I can’t even describe it because it doesn’t make sense. Isak mentioned evolution but he started his argument from the perspective that science was right, before Sana even said anything. Lucas didn’t even bring up science until Imane asked, so comparing religion and science from a logical perspective comes out of nowhere. It’s just there because it was dialogue in the original show.

What does fit the scene better is her bringing up how scientists gave electric shocks to gay people to make them disgusted by gay sex, because that does address the issue from a moral perspective. Lucas says Islam has a problem with gay people, Imane points out that science has also lead to torture and suffering of gay people. It’s not a nice argument but I can at least see how it fits into the discussion by pointing out her Islam isn’t the only thing that condemns gay people, and she’s not wrong that science has also been used to enforce homophobia. They should’ve just cut out the bit about evolution because it doesn’t fit what they were talking about.

Clip 5 - If only this was the single Chloé clip this week

After class, Chloé’s waiting for Lucas, looking happy and cute. She asks Lucas if he wants to do something Wednesday after school and he says he has plans. She suggests a date on Friday, he says he has something with the guys, he can’t just leave them behind. Chloé’s annoyed and wants to know if they’re together or not. She says to call her when he’s interested and walks away. Lmao, so she pulled an Isak in 3.07, when he was frustrated with Even running hot and cold and texting him all “call me when you’ve broken up with your girlfriend.” Except Lucas probably ain’t gonna run to her doorstep.

I think this scene is better in context of the full episode, because when I first saw it, I was like ... what’s the point of this clip except to do an extra round of will-they-won’t-they with Chloé to make him look even worse, like Lucas has multiple chances to end this thing with her and he just strings her along. But in context of the full episode, what Chloé says works with what Eliott does with the mural meeting; he bails on Lucas, and his absence makes Lucas doubt Eliott’s interest. Lucas can’t tell whether he and Eliott have a thing or not, like Chloé can’t tell when Lucas says he’s too busy to hang out with her. Typically when you like someone, you make time to spend with them. The parallel is more obvious when you watch the whole episode and this clip leads directly into Lucas waiting alone for Eliott in the common room. Lucas is doing to Chloé what Eliott is doing to Lucas.

But damn, don’t you wish Lucas just let this flirtation with Chloé die here? She gave you the opportunity, dude! She gave you space!

Clip 6 - Lucas tries his hardest to show Manon he’s not gay

Lucas is waiting for Eliott, who’s not showing. He’s sent him a bunch of texts asking where he is. When someone finally does enter, it’s the girls including Manon. They show her the room. They ask her what she thinks and she’s like “...it’s special!” in the same way that Lucas said Eliott’s dubstep was good. LMAO all these kids keep talking about the common room like it’s a crack den, JFC.

But the girls are cute dancing about renovating the crack den. I laughed at Emma trying to get some life out of Lucas with that lowest of fives.

Lmao, it also kinda makes me laugh that Lucas is like, “I’m waiting for Eliott, he’s the artist,” and Manon is like “Who’s Eliott?” I mean ... he’s the artist, Manon.

I know her question was really “IS THAT THE GUY LUCAS IS SECRETLY DATING?” But damn, if Eliott had shown up, Manon would recognize him from Friday. If her questions to Lucas are awkward, imagine if she directed them at Eliott, too. 

Alex says it sucks that Eliott’s in a relationship. Daphne reminds her she’s also in a relationship. Well, better Eliott than the “Bisexual means you want a threesome, right?” guy. Daphne then realizes all of them are in relationships besides her. Imane’s like, excuse me? Daphne clarifies she means all the ones who can be in relationships, Imane stops her from saying something dumb. This exchange is a nice setup for season 4, with the girls not seeing Imane as someone who has crushes or can have relationships like the rest of them.

Lucas leaves, bitter that Eliott ditched. And maybe not overjoyed with the talk of relationships, including how it’s too bad Eliott has a girlfriend. Manon “subtly” follows Lucas out of the room. The girls are reluctant to let her leave them again, it’s cute. (Hey, I’ve got an idea ... if they don’t want to let Manon out of their sight, maybe let her crash at one of your houses?)

She asks if Eliott was the guy from the other night and Lucas wants her to drop it. Fair enough! Though he’s not making it seem less gay but snapping at her not to talk about it. Then Lucas sees Chloé coming and kisses her in front of Manon. He introduces Chloé to Manon as his girl and confirms that date she wanted on Friday. Manon’s like … all right, then.

Lucas, you had your shot, and you blew it. You fucked up, buddy. All just to keep Manon off your back. Word of advice: uncomfortably turning your head while your supposed girlfriend kisses you and emitting a look of “help me” is not going to convince Manon of your interest in this girl.

Again, Manon means well, but she should not be so in his face about his boyfriend. She’s straight, she doesn’t know the coming-out journey personally, she has to let him do so at his own pace. Like she immediately went after him and asked him about Eliott in the school hallway. So no privacy and he was put on the spot (also, she asked when he was in a bad mood because Eliott didn’t show up, although she couldn’t have known that much). She’s like a helicopter parent. Her intentions are certainly not bad, they’re just backing Lucas into the closet further because he feels on guard and defensive when she questions him. It’s not her fault that Lucas chose to kiss Chloé in this scene, that’s his choice, but she was a big reason.

I wasn’t feeling great when this clip dropped, so I missed some of the drama over it, but about the lack of Eliott - I don’t think it was inherently bad that he wasn’t in this scene, I think the biggest problem was that they inexplicably dumped three clips on Monday, which was a very strange decision, pacing-wise. There’s no reason that the Imane clip needed to be on Monday rather than Tuesday, for instance. And in all three of those Monday clips, working on the mural with Eliott was discussed, it was something hyped up, Lucas had plans Wednesday and surely something big would happen. So it definitely felt underwhelming when Wednesday rolled around and this clip wasn’t what we expected. In a way, I do see how it makes you feel what Lucas must be feeling. It’s disappointment. Plus from Lucas’ POV, Eliott has not given him a reason to doubt his interest in him, so this comes as a surprise to Lucas. He’s totally in the dark as to why Eliott didn’t show up. But I also can see the criticisms of the clip, because IMO, there is something a little redundant and unnecessary about what’s happening:  there’s an added week of Chloé drama (whereas in OG there was no real drama during the week with Isak and Emma - he was disappointed but she was just cheerfully planning their Halloween costumes) which already happened, Lucas already did the disinterest -> upset Chloé -> Lucas OTT apology/affection -> happy Chloé rodeo last week. Is it going to lead to harsher consequences and retaliation from Chloé later? If not, we didn’t exactly need it.

There’s also the fact that the girl squad is just so much more prevalent in this season than OG S3, and while I’m not opposed to them having a larger role (and I know that was required in S3 by the network), I also think that many of the scenes with them don’t add a ton to the story? Or maybe a scene with them adds something (like the bisexuality conversation last week) but there also just seems to be repeat material that we don’t need - for example, this deal with showing off the room to Manon, the girls having the same discussion about how the mural sucks, all of this really covers the same territory we’ve seen in previous episodes. We know the mural apparently sucks, everyone hates that mural, we don’t need to hear Manon’s opinion, too. We know the common room is apparently hell on earth, we don’t need to go over it again. It wouldn’t be the worst thing except we know Skam France has time restrictions, so every moment should count. And I feel like it’s taking away time from Lucas’ POV, distracting from his emotional state. Lucas is like ... materially involved in this common room project, but his emotional investment in it comes from Eliott, and that’s where these scenes should be focused. 

Clip 7 - Lucas’ endless series of bad choices

I had to laugh after the grumbling from the previous day’s clip when people were complaining about no Eliott and too much Chloé, when the first thing we see in this clip is Chloé.

Chloé waits for Lucas after class and gives him a kiss. He looks less than enthused and says she doesn’t have to wait for him. Lmao, this dude is not worth it, Chloé. I know you’re going to suck in your own way soon, but Lucas seems like the most un-fun boyfriend ever in your presence, and he changes personalities more than he changes his underwear, probably. It’s as if he’s sharing his brain with an alien and they trade custody of the body. And the alien is the one who acts nice and wants to kiss and tell you he’s falling for you, Lucas the human could not be more checked out of your budding romance.

AND THEN THERE’S ELIOTT, the people rejoiced

Eliott comes up and asks to speak to Lucas. Lucas’ alien takes over and puts his tentacle arm around Chloé and says sure. Oh my God, Lucas. You dummy. He could not be any more inelegant about chucking Eliott out of the boyfriend zone. Lmao, it’s a little childish but I mean, it sure works because Eliott notices the pointed gesture and does not seem thrilled. Maxence does some solid eye acting in this clip, glancing between Lucas and Chloé.

Eliott says sorry for bailing on Lucas yesterday, he wanted to come but had a problem. It’s presumably something mental-health related, not that Lucas would know at this stage. I don’t think we’ve had any hints about his mental illness yet? Just that he's new to the school, which could be for any number of reasons. He invites Lucas over tomorrow to make up for it, and it sounds like a date, but of course Lucas fucked this up by not talking to Eliott alone. Because Chloé is there, she brings up the date she and Lucas had planned, but suggests they turn it into a double date with Eliott and Lucille. So that’s how that happens. Interesting because in OG, it’s never confirmed but I got the distinct impression that Even planned the pre-drink with Isak, but it was Sonja who invited herself and Emma, turning it into a double date. It seems likely because she probably asked Even about his Halloween plans that weekend, and he couldn’t avoid telling her about the thing on Friday. Or she just found out. That was reinforced by Even’s “party-planner” texts where he seems to be barely concealing his irritation that she’s taken control of the situation just like she takes control of other parts of his life. In retrospect it fits with what we learned about Sonja’s personality. Here it’s Chloé who innocently suggests the double date, like I really do not think she suspected anything weird at all between Lucas and Elliot.

I know people were laughing at Chloé not noticing that Eliott was asking Lucas on a date, but I can’t blame her for not making that assumption, no matter how Lucas and Eliott are looking at each other, when Lucas is trying his goddamn best to keep her thinking he likes her. He just slung an arm around her, that’s an affectionate gesture initiated by him. And this dude gave her a whole speech about how he was falling for her, he passionately kissed her yesterday out of nowhere and introduced her as his girl. He’s leading her on far more than Isak did with Emma.

Also, we can’t tell exactly when that arm around Chloé’s shoulder came down, but it was sometime between Eliott talking about his problem yesterday and Chloé suggesting the double date, so I think Lucas slipped it off her shoulder when he realized Eliott was asking him out. 

Predictably, Lucas and Eliott are all muted while Chloé is excited. Chloé kisses Lucas but he looks after Eliott. Dude, you dug this hole yourself. 

Clip 8 - Double date

Friday night, the four of them at Eliott’s. Chloé talks to Lucille about binge watching a show and taking time for herself, encouraging Lucille to do the same. Lucas and Eliott are not having a good time, though I think that could be emphasized more in the visuals. We do get Lucille glancing at Eliott drinking and seeming not OK with that.

After Chloé asks whether Eliott and Lucille are the same age, Lucille says Eliott failed his bac last ear, which was RUDE. Why are you volunteering that information to random people? Especially when you know the painful circumstances of why he failed? Like ... he’s in the room with you, and you’re casually throwing it out there without thinking whether it might embarrass him or drudge up bad memories. Or, even worse, she’s pissed that he’s drinking too much and is mentioning it passive-aggressively. Eliott does not seem happy with her doing that, either. (Again, some good reactions from Maxence.)

Chloé: “By a lot?” ALSO RUDE. She at least doesn’t know his background. Eliott says he never went. It’s awkward. He wants to talk about something else. The angry tension between Eliott and Lucille in this scene is even bigger than the sexual tension between Eliott and Lucas.

Adding to that, Lucille tells him he’s drank enough, Eliott says she’s talked enough. Well ... accurate. She says she said it for his own good, Eliott’s snaps at her thinking she needs him, and throws back a retort about him failing his bac but still knowing how to count. She storms off. Maybe I’m the asshole, IDK, but I’m actually on his side here. Not that I condone rude comments from either of them, but she was pretty thoughtless bringing up the bac and I totally understand why he would throw it back at her. But it also makes their relationship seem even more dysfunctional than Even and Sonja’s.

Eliott apologizes to Lucas for having to see that, it’s just that this night isn’t going the way Elliot wanted. Lucas asks how he wanted it to go, Eliott says it’d be just the two of them. Lucas agrees. arghhhhhhblarghhhhhhhh. 

Here’s the thing: this exact same sentiment was present in OG Skam, except Skam didn’t need to spell it out for us in dialogue. Like … we got it. We got it from Even’s miserable facial expressions and the fact that he just sat there drinking. We got it from Isak and Even constantly shooting glances at each other while Emma and Sonja carried out on a conversation without them. We got it from the fact that Even asks Isak to leave with him, ditching his girlfriend as they’re both dressed up for a Halloween party in a couple’s costume. We got it from the music as we transition from the pre-drink to the bike ride, Even’s expression of misery transformed into radiant joy, both boys grinning as the lyrics tell us I wanted to be with you alone. It is abundantly clear that the night wasn’t going like how Even and Isak wanted, and they didn’t need to have the characters sit down and tell us that. Show, don’t tell. (Or, I mean ... the Tears for Fears lyrics flat-out tell you, but only after the characters’ mindset was established previously, so that the song just feels right after all that buildup, like a release of tension.)

The feeling at the start of this clip should be enough to communicate to us that Eliott is upset and he had something else in mind. I didn’t get that feeling. Maxence does fine acting but the directing itself could be much sharper to highlight the emotional atmosphere of the scene. If you watch the OG clip, at the beginning, every single shot has either Isak, Even, or both in the frame. When it’s all four of them, Isak and Even are shooting looks at each other while Emma and Sonja talk. Isak is a lot shyer about it and looks away; Even just brazenly stares at Isak, drunk and not giving a fuck. There are lots of closeups of the two of them, especially showing Isak sitting there looking awkward. The conversation between Emma and Sonja is actually background noise in much of the scene to the closeups of the boys, because that’s what it is to them - not something they’re a part of. By contrast, I felt like the way this was filmed, it made the conversation between Chloé and Lucille more of a focus, to the point where Lucas’ reactions were not. Eliott has focus, but Lucas? I didn’t feel like I was in his head. And there are some good things added in this clip, too, such as Lucille’s discomfort with Eliott made more plain, but if the clip was really effective at establishing what the characters were feeling - we don’t need Eliott and Lucas to tell it to us. We’d just feel it.

I really do like much what they’re doing this season. But stuff like this makes the writing weaker, not stronger. It’s like they didn’t trust us to understand exactly what was going through the characters’ minds, based on the acting and directing. No one needed this exchange in OG because it was perfectly clear what was Isak and Even were thinking.

Clip 9 - Polaris

Lucas and Eliott run down the street, and Eliott breaks into ... a forest/park area? Whatever it is, he’s breaking in, and Lucas is following, in the tradition of all Evens and Isaks.

I like the way they shot this opening part, of them walking through the woods in the dark, talking with just their little lights to guide the way. No forced music, just the quiet sounds of the night. I think you can hear thunder or an approaching storm in the background, to build up to the end of the clip. Lucas’ phone runs out of battery and Eliott says he will guide him. Totally not symbolic at all, Eliott with his light helping Lucas through the dark.

Their chemistry is also good, they’re smiling and happy to be with each other but there’s still some tension despite how blatantly upfront they’ve been about their feelings so far, and the conversation gets a little weightier when Eliott says that Lucas is the first person he’s taken here, not even Lucille has been here. It’s still very direct, but there’s something more like the Skam feeling that I enjoy here. Maybe it’s the pacing as they walk, it doesn’t feel rushed, or that this part of the scene focuses on the quiet, the natural atmosphere. It feels more organic than some Skam France scenes have felt in the past.

Eliott shows Lucas their destination and the music kicks in, because Eliott has brought Lucas into his movie. Of course it’s the tunnel out of Polaris. It’s actually very good placement for the music since again, we’re exiting the “real” world, sort of, and entering the movie, similar to how music was used in the pool clip for Evak. I love that Lucas seems stunned because he realizes the significance of where Eliott has taken him. Those butterflies in his stomach must be flapping their wings like crazy, because he knows how the movie ends.

Also, obviously Eliott is shining that light, keeping that imagery present as he leads Lucas. He’s the one spot of light in this darkness.

They run into the tunnel (looks like Eliott grabs his hand) and Eliott shows off the place. It’s his home, which makes sense for a raccoon, tbh. Eliott wants to know if Lucas likes it or if he’s afraid. Lucas says he’s not, but Eliott circles around him, teasing him and asking if he isn’t a little afraid, shining his light on Lucas’ face. Then the light goes out and Lucas is in the dark, and Lucas does seem to get a tiny bit afraid, if only because Eliott disappears. Eliott turns on the light and cackles, a little farther from Lucas.

This is some really great cinematography. Actually, it might be my favorite cinematography in all of Skam France. I’ve been hard on the show because IMO it has some big flaws, but this is just a very good and striking scene. It’s playful, it’s got some tension. We know they’re going to kiss, but they’re building up to it, Eliott’s toying with Lucas (and the viewers). Eliott’s constant movement gives a sense of uneasiness - I wouldn’t go so far as to say creepy, although I can certainly get why others would feel that way, especially when Eliott’s face is lit from below by his flashlight - that’s a really common lighting tactic for horror movies or for villains, because it makes them look more grotesque. I don’t know if we’re supposed to think Eliott is menacing, but maybe there’s a sense of danger here? For Lucas, being alone with a boy he likes, knowing that more could happen between them, and with Eliott’s movement, the element of uncertainty. It feels restless, like something’s brimming inside him, and the distance between them keeps changing: sometimes Eliott is breathing down Lucas’ neck, other times he’s not close enough to touch. Then there’s the light, also moving with Eliott. It feels very visceral.

They laugh and Lucas strides forward toward Eliott, saying he’s not afraid. The symbolism is pretty obvious, Lucas in the dark heading for the light represented by Eliott, Lucas taking turns being bathed in Eliott’s light. Also, the music cuts out whenever Eliott turns off the light, and comes back when he turns the light on, so it’s like the “movie” disappears when Eliott does, because this is his vision.

Eliott turns off the flashlight again, and when he reappears, he’s standing right in front of Lucas. This time Lucas doesn’t just laugh it off, because, you know, Eliott is REALLY close. Close enough to touch. And Eliott is moving in with a little smirk for the kiss. Both of them are lit up, existing in the same world as the movie characters. Lucas has his mouth open for that hot Eliott smooch when Eliott turns off the light (again cutting off the music) and disappears again. What a fucking tease. 

It starts pouring rain all of a sudden, just in time for Lucas to be alone in the dark tunnel. Fun scenario! Not creepy at all! But there’s Eliott standing outside the tunnel, getting drenched, looking at Lucas. No light. Lucas walks toward him but he’s still under cover and staying dry, he stops before stepping into the rain. Eliott asks if Lucas is afraid of rain, too. (I really like this scene but is it just me or did they mix some metaphors here ... like it goes from the divide between light and dark to the divide between rain and shelter. It still works in the sense that one character is stepping into the other’s world, though.)

I like Lucas’ reaction to the question, you can see him making a choice in his mind. He holds out his hands - is Eliott thinking to himself, “Wow, he totally saw my movie at this point?” I mean I think he’s probably focusing on being about to kiss Lucas, but this is straight out of the storyboard, so in the aftermath when they’re just lounging in bed or whatever I’d expect him to be like “...were you stalking me online?” Anyway, Eliott laces his fingers with Lucas’, and Lucas starts to smile before launching himself at Eliott. They kiss passionately in the rain. 

Going to get out a slight criticism before I mention the positives: I had expressed concern when we saw the storyboards that the kiss was going to play out exactly the same way, and well, I was right. And I think the scene itself is very good! But in a way I do prefer that we didn’t see the storyboards before the kiss, or at least that they didn’t match so closely. I mean, Eliott is even wearing the exact same outfit as the cartoon version of himself. Because actually, this symbolism works completely fine on its one, without walking us through every moment of it? IDK, I think personally if we were watching this scene without the Polaris storyboards, everything would have still come across in terms of symbolism and imagery. There’s light and then there’s dark, there’s Lucas stepping out of the safety of the dry tunnel into the rain with Eliott. We could have worked it out ourselves, much as we did with the 21:21/rebirth imagery. It comes back to maybe not trusting the viewers as much, like with Eliott telling Lucas that he wanted the double date to be just the two of them. Going into the symbolism of this scene is like ... it’s barely even subtext, it’s text, to the point where I feel silly even talking about it. (It’s true that the Evak first kiss also directly mimics the R+J kiss, but I think that still leaves more to the viewers to connect the dots. Polaris itself was so highlighted and explained within the story, whereas with the pool kiss, obviously people were expecting the R+J reference once they got to the pool, but the setup is more subtle. Isak is watching R+J and we briefly see the pool kiss scene, but it’s not like … the primary point of what he’s watching, it’s just one moment that’s on screen for a second, along with several other clips, with the main focus Isak’s reactions as he watches. This is more like if Isak watched R+J but we saw him watching the entire pool scene and only that.)

THAT BEING SAID: this is still a beautiful scene. The music is really good, actually, it falls into that dreamy-creepy vibe so it’s adding some tension in the tunnel, but it’s also romantic enough for a first kiss. The build-up was very strong and even though these two have been very blatant with each other about being into each other, still created some tension as to exactly when the kiss would happen. I was fully expecting the Polaris recreation but there was also a point where I thought they would kiss in the tunnel (and they almost did). 

Again, Lucas’ reactions were very good. He showed the right combination of emotions leading up to the kiss. Also - and this is really important - this kiss scene was not rushed. That’s my big problem with a lot of Skam France clips, that they fly through them without taking the time to let the emotions develop or resonate (and I know there are time restrictions) but this one had good pacing. It let the moment build and allowed us to step into Lucas’ head, I could see him going from nervous and hesitant to taking those small steps to step into Eliott’s world and kiss him, to the urgency of the kiss itself.

The kiss itself is enthusiastic, to say the least, lol. I’m weak for Lucas tilting his head back and Eliott holding his face as they kiss. But the best part is actually their happiness. I love how they smile at each other and how Eliott turns his face to the sky in joy at the end, right before the hug. The hug!!! Great, tender moment. I felt the relief and jubilation from the characters. 

Additionally, I said this before when we first heard about Polaris, but big props to Skam France for doing their own version of the first kiss and putting their own imagery and symbolism into it. 

Social Media/General Comments

Lucas had an IG story of him packing up his stuff after he got kicked out of his room, so you know, that’s a wonderful thing for a kid who had to leave home to have to do again.

Daphne wised up (too late) and told everyone to delete their social media about the party. Were any pics actually deleted on the characters’ IGs? It looks like it, but Basile still has one of the boys in their costumes at the party, with the caption thanking Daphne. LMAO GOD what if this dumbass gets Daphne in trouble, I don’t think it will happen but it would not surprise me.

Lucas sucks up to Daphne by being like, I deleted the pics! Keep me updated about re-painting the mural! He emphasizes that he’s most interested in repainting the mural. Subtle! Although Daphne doesn’t seem to notice his desperation because she’s too concerned about Lucas trying to usurp her as head of the common room. She says she needs to check with Eliott and he plays it cool. Lol, I can’t wait for them to paint that mural and it being even uglier than the first one because Lucas kept fucking it up by drooling at Eliott instead of concentrating.

Imane posts a Maya Angelou quote after her talk with Lucas. “I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn.” Hint hint, biology partners who might want to judge her for her religion.

Then there was the whole shitshow with the boy squad ranking girls on IG. OK … I’m not going to cancel them, but it IS fucking gross. I would be more tempted to cancel them if it were not called out by the girls directly afterwards, or if it weren’t intended to be something gross, like just a funny Boys Will Be Boys thing.

Especially since most of these guys (except Basile) are saying Daphne isn’t even in the top 20. FUCK OFF, WITH YOUR BAD TASTE, LOSERS.

But really, the fuck is wrong with them? The thing is that they’re not just ranking girls vaguely, alluding to them (like “the hot blonde” or whatever) which would still be gross. They’re naming these girls! We know who most of them are! And the girls they are naming are their friends, or at least people they’re friendly with? So disgusting. Why would you post this? I said I wasn’t going to cancel them but it’s actually hard to come back from this because it’s so pointedly cruel. Like Yann saying Manon is annoying because she cries too much, and the boys ranking Alexia outrageously low. I’m sure Manon loved that and it didn’t make things awkward in the flat. I mean I kinda feel less bad for Lucas having to crash on the couch, lmao, I hope Manon slept soundly in Lucas’ bed that night.

The girls retaliated by posting their own IGs and lol, don’t even tell me they’re just as bad, because they responded to a very personal sort of bullying (I mean, that’s what it was, bullying) and called out the boys’ bad behavior. They said Eliott was number 1, which is not wrong.

Gotta say, the boy squad is pretty bad. I know they’ll turn around in the second half of the season, but there’s just little endearing about them so far. Basile is a complete disaster, we know nothing about Arthur, and Yann has not been served well this season. Two of Jonas’ key scenes - calling out Isak’s comment about the dance instructor and asking him about the neon pre-drink after Even helped Isak get his locker open - have been removed or diluted. The calling out was pretty weak and spread among the whole squad, and we didn’t get the second scene at all. There was a great scene at the beginning of episode 3 with Yann and Lucas, and a great follow-up text message, but overall I get less of a sense that Yann is noticing Lucas’ strange behavior or that he’s concerned for it. 

I know that they were required to keep the girl squad around in this season, and I get it, and I can’t say that I don’t drastically prefer them to the boys at this point. I like them a hundred times better. But I also wonder if characters like Yann and maybe Arthur would get more development if the girl squad didn’t have so many scenes. I hate to say that, but a character like Yann is supposed to be Lucas’ BFF, and yet I feel that friendship is getting overshadowed by so many things. I know more about the common room and Basile’s dick than that relationship this season.

Also? Moving on to episode 5, why the utter fuck would the girls even bother going to Basile’s party after the boys pulled this stunt? It’s not even a week later, and the boys trashed several members of the girl squad by name. Did they really think yeah, these are the assholes we want to party with? Not to mention Basile also creeps out Daphne. 

Emma looks bored as hell watching Raptor Alex watch basketball. Perhaps a sign that relationship is not going to work on a level other than physical.

Eliott and Lucas get in some jabs at their girlfriends when Eliott texts that Lucille’s super down for the double date and Lucas responds with a cheesy picture of two smiling straight couples at a bowling alley. Lmao, I would kill to see that happen in a remake? An Isak and Even who get roped into bowling with the girls and then ditch them at the bowling alley. They don’t even take off their bowling shoes so they’re running awkwardly and end up getting banned from the bowling alley.

A fandom sleuth figured out that “Polaris” encrypted through the Caesar code, as hinted by the enter_polaris IG, is Eliott’s real Instagram (”srodulv), well done! On that IG Eliott has the following pictures (among others):

Eliott and Lucille as a cartoon raccoon and cat - his first furry romance

a drawing of a chocolate bar with “chelou” (weird) on the wrapper, posted after his first talk with Lucas

piano keys with the word “surprenant” (surprising), posted after Lucas played piano for him

my favorite, a picture of Oreo, the raccoon who was the inspiration for Rocket Raccoon in the Guardians of the Galaxy films, who passed away recently - RIP Oreo, respect to Eliott for honoring his raccoon brethren

a brain in a jar that says “lost & found” from perhaps when he had a bad mental health day 

a man underwater (sick Skam reference, bro) (but also, probably another mental health reference)

his raccoon fursona trapped in darkness - he was really struggling this week

a Betty Boop cartoon that seems to imply Lucille is a witch at his back?? and he’s not looking forward to the double date. also features a “mystery cave”

That miserable looking IG pic of the double date and Lucas’ reaction to Chloé’s kiss … sums up the level of enthusiasm he had, I guess!

Chloé texts Lucas after he and Eliott run off and says Eliott has a big problem, poor Lucille. There was some talk about whether Lucille told Chloé about Eliott’s mental illness and that’s what she meant, but personally I just took it as Chloé thinking Eliott was a jerk after telling Lucille to stop telling him what to do and making her stomp off to the bathroom, and then ditching her. And “poor Lucille” was just in reaction to thinking Lucille had to put up with her boyfriend being a jerk, not anything mental illness related. (Tbh if Lucille did tell Chloé … she’s a huge asshole for revealing that sensitive information about Eliott to someone who’s almost a stranger, although I suppose it’s in line with her casually dropping he failed his bac?)

I think Lucas and Eliott have good chemistry, but something about the directing is not as conducive to the chemistry as it could be. It’s not bad - like I said, they’re good together - just that with better directing it would make even more of an impact. Might have to do with timing and rushing scenes, or just allowing them to react more to each other. 

I’m wondering if they’re doing this Manon plot and kicking Lucas out of his room so he can go live with Eliott at the end of the season. Which… I think is kinda dumb, tbh, because I’m 90% certain they’re going to start Season 4 like right after S3 ends, not more than a week or two later. At least with Isak and Even there were several months of them dating before they moved in together, and Even had lots of time to bounce back from his depressive episode. I guess Lucas doesn’t have much of a “family” in the flat with Mika and Lisa, which is depressing, but I mean, if you think Isak and Even moved in together too quickly? Lucas and Eliott will have barely any time really being together before they take that step, and it will be right after a very tumultuous period for them.

Also, you can’t tell me that Isak moved out because he felt like he didn’t belong there anymore, or that Eskild and Linn wanted Noora there more than Isak and made it known to him. Like of course this is just headcanon, but I feel pretty sure that it was Isak’s (or Isak and Even’s) decision to move out since the flat was so crowded. I also think that Eskild would have kept his stray godkitten under his roof as long as possible if that was what Isak wanted, and they would’ve just dealt with it being crowded. I mean, he was asking William to move in at the end of S4, and we know Eskild doesn’t even like William much, lmao. He definitely likes Isak more than William, I think he’d be fine with him staying. With Lucas moving out, it’d feel more depressing, like maybe he just didn’t feel welcome in the flat. I guess it’d be positive for Lucas to be making a new home with Eliott, but still, it feels unnecessary. (I also think the Manon plot is also unnecessary, probably, but we’ll see where they go with it.)

I’m not French so please feel free to let me know if there are any translation or cultural issues that I missed.

If you got this far, thank you for reading!