#because of the overwhelming feeling of shame and guilt | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

enchantressiren · 6 days ago

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❝𝐏𝐀𝐂: 𝐁𝐚𝐛𝐲, 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲.. 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲, 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭.. 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐩𝐮𝐬𝐬𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐞𝐥𝐭 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞. 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐲𝐨𝐮.❞

Which sex position is your future lover’s favorite and why? (Detailed)

Masterlist

Author's note,

It's been a while since I last posted, hi everyone. I hope you enjoy your Christmas coming up!

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Pile 01.

“I want to devour the sweet nectar of the sin that lies beneath me. To feel it dripping on the sin of my fingertips, the graze that will melt us into ecstasy burning in the brain of our subconscious, such a beauty that I only get to see—for how lucky I am.. a lucky bastard.. that I am.”

Your future lover’s energy puts me in a calm trance, the calmest one could be. I feel like I am sleeping or walking on a path of water that will lead me to paradise. They are so soft with you, their love, or shall I say devotion, to you is something they cherished tremendously, and they could not bear losing that with you. To lose you would simply be their death, and they cannot have that done, and that is why their favorite sex position is all over the place. They do not have one and could never dare; they want to feel you everywhere, in every position, and want to see your beautiful face move and show pure pleasure as they please you with the utmost respect. “That is something you deserve, you deserve the utmost respect one could bear, and that is the one thing you never have to ask or prove with me—it will be with you the minute you are my lover, though I am sorry it was not done when we were fighting.”

Enemies to lovers, or rivals to lovers, is your trope with them. You honestly made them want to fall in love, and made them understand what it was to actually love. Their ex, (or multiple, energies are flying around like crazy), were nasty. That’s really it, so awful, but they used that to improve on what they wanted, which was building walls around until you had the audacity to break them and make them fall for you, “shame on you!’’

(I can feel them next to me, they are so animated, so damn loving, it’s like they want to grab you right here and right now and pull you to their future).

Aside from your “audacity,” they are very happy that you did because they were spiraling into something darker and started to use something dangerous, not illegal or self-harming (it’s not my place to tell you), as a coping mechanism, yet now.. you are their drug. Not literally, but you basically saved them from this impending doom of shame and guilt. I believe you should get ready to heal your inner child (even if you have) with them because they will be spoiling you .. like crazy, maybe a bit too much? I see a vision with an insane amount of gifts, teddy bears, jewelry, sports gear, food, or something to do with your religion. Also art supplies or crystals that are insanely expensive, but if it is for you, then “f*ck it, right?” That is how their attitude is with you.

Ten of wands.

I took a break because something was missing from them, and they could not tell me. Meaning they kept focusing on the positive aspects when it comes to your relationship and sex with you. However, with the ten of wands, they actually do not know how to have a favorite sexual position. In a way, they thought it was off-putting that others always picked a favorite; if you picked a favorite, then you lost the chance to explore around and make your lover feel sexual pleasure. So, intuition tells me they feel overburdened and overwhelmed picking a favorite, but at the same time, they feel pressured to pick one.

They know that you would not give a damn whether or not they had one, but their colleagues, co-workers, a boss, or some type of group pops up with how they think about sex, and it is affecting your future lover right now, and when you meet; they will feel insecure throughout your sexual journey with you thus why the relationship with them will be enemies or rivals to lovers. I believe it's peer pressure with them. My intuition tells me this is the reason why you saved them and why they would do anything for you.

I feel a lot of anxious energy with them, a part of me wants to hug them and tell them they are okay, okay to love and show their pleasure in their own way, but I already know this is how you feel with them and what you will tell them. And when you do, they will confess you saved them.

As I was editing, I had to give you a message and also saw 777. Listen here. You are absolutely allowed to love whoever you want, you are allowed to be spoiled and pampered, you are allowed to be kissed in the most romantic ways, and you are allowed to have someone help you take showers. No, this person will not treat you in a bad way because you struggle with mental health problems. And no, they will not let anyone laugh at you even when you guys are not together because you do not deserve that, and they also think someone who does that is a "f*cking asshole.'' You are so so so .. and many so worthy of love and I hope each day you tell yourself that, because it is true or else I would not have said it nor left this message, understood? Allow yourself to have the happiness you deserve and stop being your own blockage because, at the end of the day, it is not worth it, and seeing you struggle to have your happiness, do you think your kid self would like that? Would that be okay with them or is that okay—to have yourself struggling to make amends with your past, forcefully giving yourself guilt for something that should have been forgiven a long time ago? Let it go, it is seriously okay, let it go. Yes, what you did was awful, and should not have happened with them, but let it go and do and become better for the mistakes you caused and for yourself so it does not happen again. So as I said before, if I didn't mean it, I would not have mentioned it in your pile, so let it go.

Masterlist

Pile 02.

Your future lover's favorite sex position is face sitting. They love, and I mean this very heavily, love eating you out, giving you oral, sucking you off, whatever the case is, they are very addicted to your private parts. “All you, all you, and .. all you, you are so fucking delicious baby, f*ckkkkk.” I see a scene where they are covered in your juices, your cum, everything about you, and they are still eating you out as you grab their arms, body parts, or hair. Gripping for dear life, begging for relief, but nothing happens other than using their tongue in or on you faster, swirling it until it hits that sensitive spot of yours and, as well, as they are filled to the brim with your essence. The whole idea of eating dessert does not appeal to them UNTIL it is yours.

I hope you are ready for a very smutty scene since I cannot channel anymore other than their fantasies.. for you. I will address you as Y/N (your name), and them as F/L (future lover).

Scene A)

Your F/L will grab your leg and flip you over as they crawl towards your body, grabbing your skin to feel your skin. To feel the heat of your body because of how aroused you are. They will crawl towards your lips and greedily suck your top lips, nibbling the bottom to feel the taste from the last meal you ate, and chew softly. Then they will roughly thrust their tongue into your lips, sucking and grazing their tongue on yours and your teeth; they want to feel everything about you. Then they will pull out, grope your jaw and spit into your mouth as they crawl down and then sensually drag their tongue down to your chest area, sucking on them, and then to your private part as they blow air on it, seeing you twitch, whimper, groan, moan, etc. They will lean down and then give you oral.

Scene B)

Y/N is focused on doing their work, finishing up a coming project, and their deadline is coming within a week or two. F/L comes waltzing in as if they own the place and gazes at Y/N, smirking at their inconvenience. Though it would have been better if they could have helped Y/N, but no, it did not fit their shenanigans or their agenda. They stride over to Y/N as they massaged Y/N's shoulder, building trust with them. Once gaining their trust, they forcefully kiss Y/N, tasting their sweet nectar and feeling their tension dropping down until they remember their work as they push away F/L. But no, you would assume F/L will hold back and respect that push, yet they will not (still consent here). F/L will pick Y/N over their shoulder despite the weight of Y/N, and walk towards a countertop or over a table and bend them over. F/L will look at Y/N, and undress them as they crouch down and tease Y/N’s undergarment until they see a wet spot and then take it off only to tease Y/N with a toy, waiting for them to release but not cum since it is not allowed.

It will last for 2 hours straight, and once Y/N has had enough, they will face Y/N over their shoulders, similar to someone sitting on someone’s shoulder, only in this case, Y/N is sitting in front of F/L. F/L will suck or eat out Y/N until they are cumming over.. and over again and sobbing for F/L to stop. But it will not happen until Y/N uses their safe word(s) and once that does happen, pampering aftercare will erupt and leave Y/N comforted to the highest degree possible. With an insane amount of kisses, "because you deserve that and you deserve me to eat you out more!''

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becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys · 13 days ago

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All these ADHD success stories have me in tears because that could have been me, and sometimes it was me, but I still couldn't make it. Three years of attempting the same two semesters, countless meetings with counselors and support services and professors, med dosage increases, mental breakdowns, love and support from a classmate who unofficially adopted me (who I haven't spoken to since I dropped out)... Nothing to show for it but burnout and trauma.

Can it ever get better from here? I feel hopeless.

I'm so sorry. I'm not sure people realise just how fractured your self-esteem becomes when you fail out of an academic course; it properly haunts you, and for a long time afterwards.

I failed my first degree thanks to my own undiagnosed ADHD. I have a very typical story among our people - female, high-achieving in high school, fell apart in university. It was my second year where everything suddenly went wrong. I did not turn in a single assignment on time. I physically, mechanically, could not get myself to write them until the night before the final two-weeks-late deadline, when I'd have to pull an all-nighter and hate life and myself and eventually hand it in in the morning and then sleep for the rest of the day. My attendance was utterly appalling, particularly for a 9am lecture; trying to get up at 8 was a task roughly equivalent to trying to walk on water. I had to resit the exams I'd failed every summer. A particular low point was missing an exam because I didn't realise I even had it; I'd attended so few lectures that I hadn't heard the lecturer say it existed. I remember lying in bed at night and crying, full on sobbing, because I knew something was wrong with me but I didn't know what had happened. I'd always been so good at this, always had such good grades; it was part of my identity, both for myself and how others saw me.

And like. What else can you blame that on? What other explanation is there, other than 'laziness'?

I did better in my third year; I was determined to attend, and get assignments done. I was better; though still a long way from perfect. But so much damage had been done by then. I had better marks, but there was one single module whose assignment I passed but whose exam I failed; I just needed to resit the exam.

And I simply couldn't bring myself to do it. There was too much shame, too much guilt. I honestly couldn't fathom what the point of even trying was. I was so burnt out and broken by then. And then I had to pick up the pieces afterwards and return to life, surrounded by friends who had made it, with nothing of my own to show.

It was a few years later that I decided to go back to uni and try again. By then, I was doing it for a different reason - I wanted to prove to myself and the world that I could do it, I think. I was a bit older and a bit wiser by then; enough that I chose to be very honest with myself at every step, and could start putting systems in place to succeed. This time, it was a small class, so the lecturers all knew me by name rather than letting me fade into the background; I studied part-time to avoid overwhelm; I altered my own deadlines to be a week early, and I forced myself to write to them.

I think a crucial part was also changing how I viewed the degree, and my attitude to higher ed. Before, I did uni because "That's what you do after school". I saw it as a bigger high school with different teachers, like I HAD to be there and was doing assignments and attending because I HAD to, not because I fundamentally wanted to do the course for its own sake. The second time, I did it properly - I wanted a degree. I wanted a degree in that specific topic. I wanted to improve academically. I read the feedback this time, and applied it to each following assignment.

And, I got into the habit of going into the university computer room every day for a few hours so I could work on my assignments. Other course mates started joining me; one in particular, Chris, who later also got diagnosed with ADHD. I now know we were body doubling, but at the time, we both just saw it as getting into a good habit and working on assignments in a nicer environment.

I finished that degree with a first. Since then, I did a PG Cert with Oxford University, and a post-grad PCET, both of which required the same study-based skillset. Oxford in particular was hard, because the nature of the course was a distance learning one, and that is Very Bad for my ADHD; my brain requires routine and structure and accountability to work. That one gave me mild burnout, actually. But, my point is this:

It absolutely can get better. What that looks like is going to be different for everyone, because you need to be very honest with yourself about what works for you and what doesn't, and then choose a course accordingly; there are also specific types of support that you may need, which may or may not be available.

But you really, really can do it if you can get the right set-up and accommodations.

However, I would be wrong not to add this:

We connect university with intelligence, culturally, and we shouldn't. University is about depth of learning on a particular subject, done within and according to a particular system. Intelligence helps, but other skills are also needed to be able to complete a university degree; and that's not for everyone. You could be more than intelligent enough for it, and it still may be the wrong fit for you. That doesn't mean you're stupid or broken or useless - it just means this isn't the system for you. And there's no shame whatsoever in that.

That may or may not be true of you! We don't know each other, you could be in either bracket. But either way: you are not stupid, or useless, or broken. The system is simply not set up for your personal brain chemistry, any more than a tree-climbing test is set up for a fish. Hopefully any of this ramble is helpful!

#asks #adhd #tedious personal details

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mewguca · 5 months ago

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Shame

this is a rather personal piece; it's primarily based on my own struggles

It probably could've been executed better (like having more of the interaction she's agonizing over), but I really wanted to focus on that visceral reaction of shame, guilt, and self-criticism

here's a long ramble I wrote while starting this ...

I realize, perhaps much of the reason certain depictions of moon trigger me so much is due to my own overwhelming shame and guilt. It's a defense mechanism crafted because I yet lack the strength to accept myself. I suppose that's why characters like Five Pebbles are so appealing to me — he is someone I've given the room to express his faults, his flaws, his hatred, his despair, his pain, and all his imperfections... For him to be mean or angry is natural and expected, so it's not as scary to express my negative feelings with him as the instrument. He's not a "good person", after all, so it's fine if he is "bad." His standards aren't as high.

Conversely, because I idealize LTTM so much and connect her to myself, I deny her the same things I deny myself. I do it without even thinking, really...

I've often thought, "but this sort of emotion doesn't really suit her... isn't this sort of projection too self-indulgent? If I made this, it'd be too obvious that my own emotions are bleeding through onto the canvas..."

So, I wonder if she's experienced that same sort of emotional repression. It'd be cathartic, in an unfortunate way. To see someone else struggle to grapple with such things, because they want to be pure and virtuous and not upset others...

It's harder when you spend so much time shaping that perfect, faultless, virtuous sort of image, especially when you do it reflexively. Unconsciously. You're making the pressure for yourself worse, but you can't stop... I'm actually not a very friendly person. I'm actually quite afraid and irritable, and I push people away when they get too close. I don't want to hurt anyone, and I don't want anyone to hate me... I don't want to cause suffering or strife. Sometimes, I wish I could just be a completely passive observer.

But I suppose I'm a human being instead, so I have to accept that. Thanks for reading, I guess. I'm not really looking for emotional support here... I just want to be understood.

#looks to the moon #rain world #rain world fanart #lunart #eggmoon creations #vent #angst #self indulgent

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sun-kissy · 4 months ago

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still here | r.l.

summary: it's your birthday :(

a/n: this is the first time i’ve ever really cried when writing something, it’s got a home in my heart now and i hope you like it!! 🫶 (also listen to our lovely girl billie while reading for added heartbreak)

tw: past suicide attempt

You lean back on the couch from where you’re bending over the table. Remus wastes no time in wrapping an arm around your waist, pulling you into his side. He gently presses his lips to your forehead. “Happy birthday, lovely girl.”

“Thank you,” you mumble half-heartedly, grateful but too overwhelmed to show it.

There’s a cut-up chocolate cake in front of you, which Remus had insisted upon baking. He’d honoured your wishes not to throw a big bash, and of not wanting an actual present. He didn’t exactly understand why — but he loved you too much to not do what you wanted him to; birthday or not.

Guilt weighs heavily on your heart; Remus has been kinder than you deserve. You decide to help him understand.

“You know,” you start softly, tilting your head to lay it on his shoulder. He hums in acknowledgement, fingertips grazing your sleeve as he starts to rub your arm. “I didn’t think I would last this long.”

The shakiness in your voice surprises even you. You feel Remus’ hand still on your arm.

“What?” he murmurs. You can’t decipher if the slight lilt to his voice is because of sadness or confusion.

“I didn’t think I would last this long,” you repeat quietly, just to be safe, and you feel his hand coasting across your back as he gently grabs your shoulders. He turns you towards him, and you don’t wait for him to ask before you start to explain. “When I was 13, I couldn’t imagine ever making it this far. I tried to kill myself.”

Remus’ eyes widen the slightest bit as he takes in your sudden admission. His grip on your shoulders doesn’t falter; and it’s like you both know he’s the only thing holding you upright.

When he doesn’t respond, your gaze immediately drops to the couch, shame clouding your eyes.

“I… I didn’t know that.”

The crack in his voice makes you look back up, meeting his gaze. His features are softer, sadder; somehow. There’s the slightest bit of grief in the way he’s regarding you. “Are you glad you made it this far?”

You rub your lips together, taking a shaky breath to make sure your voice comes out evenly. “Yeah,” you exhale softly. “Yeah, I am. I got to meet you.”

“Is that the only reason?”

“No,” you reply honestly. “I love my work. My friends, I really like hanging out with them. And I’d say our apartment is pretty sweet.”

The concern in Remus’ expression is still evident, his brows pinched together almost painfully. His hands bunch up the fabric on your shoulders, tugging you towards him. You’re certain the action is subconscious – he looks lost in thought, like he’s deliberating wrapping you up in his arms and never letting you go.

“Would you like more reasons?” you ask quietly, feeling your vision start to blur. You shouldn’t be surprised that he cares this much, but you are.

When he nods, your heart melts – the magma seems to be pooling in your stomach, and you feel the kind of warmth you’ve only ever been able to feel since you met him.

“Okay,” you decide to indulge him. “I like coffee when I wake up, especially when you make it. Feeding the stray dogs on the side of the road every morning. And my guitar, I like to make music on it. I think music is nice.”

You feel your throat start to clog up, the image of Remus distorting into a blurry swirl in your eyes. “It’s lovely when it rains, especially when we’re both at home, cuddling. And –”

Your voice comes out wobbly, the tears coming hard and fast now. You want to stop, but push on for his sake.

“And I really like our apartment. Did I mention that? Also, your hugs – I love the way you hug. It’s like you really love me, and —”

“I do love you,” Remus interrupts in a shaky exhale, words barely audible from the way his voice is trembling. “I love you, okay? I love you a whole lot. And I’m so glad you’re still with me.”

He doesn’t give you a chance to respond, gently pulling you even closer towards him. You meet him in the middle, arms instinctively wrapping around his waist as he brings his hands up to encircle your shoulders.

Remus squeezes you like it’s his job to hold you together, and you hear a soft sniffle as he buries his face in your hair.

“I’m so glad you’re still here,” he says again. Your heart clenches in your chest, in all the best ways.

“I love you,” you respond, because you both know it’s synonymous with Thank you for giving me a reason to be here.

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cosycafune · 8 months ago

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JEALOUSY; EREN JAEGER:

a summary of this chapter: your boyfriend is mad at you for dismissing him the whole night, chatting away to your puny friend. naturally, he wants to have his way with you — just so your full focus is on him.

a synopsis of acts: smut, rough sex, corruption kink, sadistic tendencies, cumming, creampies, sizing, crying, brat taming and potentially more.

“Eren, please!” You so desperately spewed, your drool inevitably on display whilst Eren’s ample cock laid upon the bottom of your curling stomach.

“Please, what?” Eren bluntly questions you, the largeness of his delicious cock swiftly moving towards the soppiness of your folds.

Eren has sufficiently ruined the entirety of your resolve, mindlessly committing sexual acts that he know would have you eating out the palm of his broad hand. His hand. Not no random man your gaze steers upon, to elicit jealousy within the neglected aspects of him.

Inevitably, Eren knew you were his to indulge in — to stuff the vastness of his cock within and consistently breed you until you’re marked and tinted with a beautiful ivory.

“P-Put it in!” Whimpering, tearing and extremely dazed, you chew your bottom lip with the uttermost shame. Shame as the liveliness in Eren’s viridian, emotion-packed eyes completely admire yet scrutinise the desperation within your choked pleas.

“Why? You spent all day pretending to ignore me, just to talk to that aloof man,” At Eren’s harsh statement, his thick brows furrow before he skims the girth of his cock between your nimble thighs — unable to fathom the concept of not overwhelming and dominating you.

“B-Because I’m yours,” Gulping at your bestowed announcement, your eyes widen as Eren swiftly burrows himself within your cunt — leaving your eyes to widen erratically.

“Say it again,” Loathing the lack of repetition you gift, Eren greedily presses his hips upon your pelvic structure. Cock stricken, your purpose completely flees your lips at the impenetrable closeness of his blessed hips.

“‘M yours! All yours! Ah!” Your melodically generated moans command Eren into beginning to harshly pound within you, yearning to completely break away at the bratty exterior and interior you had settled upon him.

“Then, don’t do that shit again,” Eren grunts out, his eyes lovingly cloudy while he bucks his hips loudly within you — slamming into you at an inhumane pacing.

“F-Fuck! I won’t!” A barely comprehensible mess, you feel the beautiful within Eren’s pace — entwined with unwritten emotions.

Eren’s usually so whiny, so seeing him dominant, complex and riddled with anger heightened your emotions but also played upon your building guilt.

“Say it again!” Eren’s eyes boil and soothe at the concept of you lovingly taking his thick cock, completely overwhelmed and worshipping the heavenly feeling of it all.

“I love you…and I’m yours,” Softening slightly, Eren continues to abuse his reckless pace — his lips instinctively kissing your unchallenged lips.

“I-I love you, too,” Wavering momentarily, Eren lips delicately smother your own — all before he safely buries his head within the crook of your neck.

“Ah!” You harshly moan out, feeling yourself subconsciously cum upon the entirety of his inhumanely-thrusting cock.

“G-Got to be quick, I’ve got a concert soon,” Despite Eren’s suggestion, you innately wrap your toned legs around his sculpted waist — knowing that he’s bound to cum.

“I’d…get you pregnant, just so you’d be all…mine,” Eren chokes out, his delicate breaths laboured before he constructs himself into filling your flowery womb with the soul of his thick, white seed.

“Y-Yes!” Panting with false agreement, you glance into Eren’s strained eyes — drawing him into your homely arms.

“S-Shit,” Carried away, Eren comfortably pulls out of you — glimpsing at you with subtly glassy eyes.

“I’m sorry for making you jealous, Eren,” Apologising so sincerely, you press kisses upon his lips — uncaring for the arrays of cum that spew from your pulsating, abused cunt.

“Just don’t do it again,” Eren groans out, “I love you, though.” Muttering, curling into your hair stroking, Eren relishes all the love that you have embedded within him

“I won’t,” Kissing the crown of his forehead, you apply a kiss upon the top of Eren’s crumpled mind.

—

#eren fluff #eren jaeger #eren smut #eren jeager x reader #eren aot #eren x reader #@vampiified #eren yeager #eren jaeger x reader #aot smut #eren x black y/n #aot x black reader #aot fanfiction #aot x reader #aot #eren x you #attack on titan #attack on titan x reader #eren jaeger smut

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oblique-lane · 6 months ago

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idk if youve done it yet but i would actually lose my mind if you did an analysis for demo

Aye aye captain 🫡 Time to overdramatize again!

Let's address Demo's wounds

(Demo's backstory was changed through the years but I'm sticking to the older version because I find it more grounded)

Demoman's story is easily one of the most tragic of all the mercs. Imagine you have been abandoned from birth, your parents simply rejected you for what you are. But luckily you have been adopted by some good people who replaced your parents and made you a relatively happy child.

And then you accidentally kill them. You're 6 years old. How does that feel?

I can't even imagine how a child's brain can't comprehend the idea of being a murderer. It was an accident, of course, they were blown up by a big explosion he created (genius kid found out how to do that, huh?) but still. His parents were dead and he knew it was his own fault. He learned he was dangerous as he is.

How was it like pondering about it in the orphanage?.. "I didn't want this! I want to go back and fix it, I'm so sorry", something like that. But he couldn't go back in time, so being covered in such an avalanche of guilt, he learned he needs to repress himself.

Demo have always had an explosive temper (no pun intended), it was his true nature, pure emotion: if he's happy, it's 100%; if he's angry, it's a full blown storm. If he loves, he loves with all of his heart, and he has a big one.

Living on the impulse, all or nothing, that crucial accident revealed that letting his true nature go will only end up as destruction in the end. Irreparable damage.

We don't know what exactly was happening to him during his orphanage years, but if I'm to guess, repressing everything about him: his interests, his character, his whole nature, was a thing to choose. He thought that he had to become still and quiet as to not to repeat that kind of tragedy ever again. He probably didn't have people to be friends with either, either because people rejected him for his past, or he avoided them himself due to his internalized shame, at least that's a guess.

But everything repressed returns to the surface sooner or later. As a child, living for so long under overwhelming guilt, grief, hate, pain and sadness, under the skies that are almost never sunny in a all-year-long damp and coldness of the Ullapool. Incomprehensibly grey. It was depriving.

He was always fascinated with explosions. He didn't touch it for a long time, but maybe something like seeing fireworks again one day made something inside him tremble... And to remember.

Explosions. Launch... Acceleration... Release. And every time the release happens, his soul fills with excitement, the body feels lighter and shivers go up the spine. Release happens inside his head too, for the explosions make his worries and pain go away for a moment.

He couldn't find another way to release his bottled up emotions, so gradually he returned to make explosives again.

It was something like an addiction. Similar to pyromania, except no one bothered to research this one. At the moment of explosion he could let his anger out, he could scream, he could run around freely, he could sense heat in his chest; he could be himself. As he once was.

Everything was cold. But the explosions were hot.

He thought it was under control, just a little bit of KABOOM after school, but he craved more and more every time, more vivid, more violent...

That's how he lost his eye. (...Was it a subconscious act of selfharm?)

The missing eye was a forever reminder of how deviated he actually was. He learned that he couldn't repress or change what he truly is - a monster. A Black Scottish Cyclops, wether it were his peers who called him like that or he himself, out of misery. There was indeed something seriously wrong with him.

It seemed like the only thing he was capable of is destruction. Destruction is the only environment he's comfortable with. Peace was always so anxious and depriving, and breaking things felt calming, so he figured it must be right.

And then his birth mother came and took him back, "now that's he's a worthy DeGroot". It was unexpected but... Pleasant. So he wasn't THAT worthless after all, huh? Turns out, it was really familial, the destruction thing. At least he found out that there was a reason behind all of this.

His new mom was, saying honestly, pretty cruel with words. She was not at all gentle, she was very strict, demanding and straight up abusive. It was never enough for her no matter what Demo did. She didn't want results from his work, she's just always wanted to mess with his brain.

And for whatever reason... This setup felt right for him. To be thrown around like that, to be humiliated harshly, it felt fitting, it wasn't causing anxiety or anything. He has to be a scapegoat, he had to forget about being a child and to start working as an adult, at the same time somehow replacing a father he still didn't have, but it felt good enough. Confusing relationships felt good enough.

Destruction was his habitat, and his heart could no longer accept anything else.

Cruelty wasn't warm though, just familiar, just an environment to not to go insane. But he craved warmness so badly... Yet every time he would get close to someone and receive a little gentleness and care, it would feel sickening. It felt unnatural, it reminded him of his lost parents and of everything that's wrong about him.

The only warmness his body could accept was alcohol, making him bubbly and comfortable and relaxed. He almost felt normal, happy even. Alcohol heat made him melt, and he felt so fulfilled as if he was in paradise, back to the womb.

Yet after the effect wears off, he feels lonely as ever. Quickly, existing without alcohol becomes pain. Existing at all. He became an addict.

Not that everyone he met rejected him, rather, he subconsciously reached out to those who would be cruel to him. Again, gentleness hurts wether he knows it or not. He's only good in destruction.

Lonely and clingy, ready to overshare, overall mess yet carrying a big baggage of love that has no one to give it to. Maybe because he can't give it to himself in the first place. There's so many issues unresolved because he can't handle them alone, yet there's no one to help since he was already trapped in a closed circuit of self sabotage.

He will keep acting like a party beast, always crazily emotional and overdone upbeat, a simple drunken man who will not be taken seriously that way. Maybe that's what he wanted, to not be seen as deep by anyone for not be reminded of his misery once again.

Seems like we bought that too.

...

The enemy Soldier might be an exception though. The man he really treasures his friendship with turned out to be an enemy; repeating the rule again: it's only acceptable when dangerous. Soldier deeply cares for Demo, however he's not gentle or pitying, he's as destructive and explosive as Demo is, and these two are a very rare perfect combination of destructing each other in the act of love. Both broken beyond repair, soul on soul, forever to be misunderstood by the outsiders. This is something about this relationship that looks like a golden lining.

They will not fix each other, but they sure are going to have a good time!

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #team fortress #demo tf2 #tf2 demo #team fortress demoman #tf2 demoman #artists on tumblr #my art #tf2 theory #tf2 headcanons #boots and bombs #demosoldier #psychoanalysis #chatacter analysis #tf2 character analysis

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starlinehoney · 2 months ago

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cw: slight m!sub, dubcon, somnophilia, fem!r, perv!r, lack of shame, gross themes, dark themes, dry humping, fem!masturbation, kinktober!!

NSFW below the cut!!

*.★.*.★.*.★.*.★.*.★.*.★.*.★.*

Art gets wet dreams

He’s had them since he was younger, and he was told they would go away with age, but he still wakes up flushed and out of breath with soggy boxers in his early twenties.

He’s really embarrassed about it, and the only person who knows is Patrick. Mainly because they share rooms so often. Patrick heard arts little whines in his sleep and deduced on his own what was happening. Art probably never would’ve told him— it might be his deepest, darkest secret.

But how long can you hide something that’s out of your control? He started dating, and girlfriends started wanting to sleep over. Sometimes he just wouldn’t sleep while they were there, but most of the time it was just bullshit excuses, and his girlfriends never really liked that. He couldn’t ever keep one for too long.

But you, god, he really liked you. You’d been dating for months now, and he could tell you were getting tired of excuses. Every date night, you’d ask to stay over, have him come over, anything. You started to worry that he was hiding something terrible.

But eventually, he gives in, as always. He figures he’ll just fake sleep so that you can stay over— he can tell you really want to. He can’t actually tell if it’s just innocent or if you’re trying to get him to fuck you, but either way, he just wants you to be happy.

So you go over to his apartment. You have fun, eat dinner, make out a little. It’s a great night. Then you go to bed, snuggling in to his many blankets and pillows, cuddled up with his face buried in your neck. He’d never admit it for fear of sounding like a weirdo, but he loves your scent. It relaxes him like nothing else. All his worries about his stupid secret are forgotten— he accidentally falls asleep.

He should’ve known better than to relax so much— he was already a little riled up from your makeout session earlier, and he hasn’t had time alone to jerk off in a week. You wouldn’t have even woken up if he wasn’t snuggled so close, but the soft rocking of his hips against you stirs you awake. You’re groggy disoriented “art..?” You mutter into the cool air of his bedroom. No response.

You rub your eyes and it clicks, you’re suddenly wide awake when you hear a small, broken whimper. One you’ve only heard a few times, when he let you go a little further than making out— dry humping like animals on his old couch. He whimpered like that right as he gripped your hips to slow you down, overwhelmed with the need to release and the pain of being so far away.

You frown slightly as you feel his hips pathetically hump against your leg. He’s not even really rubbing against you, just small, desperate movements that won’t actually get him anywhere.

An idea pops in your head, but you immediately shake it off. It’s unethical, he’s not awake. But the thought lingers in your mind. It’s not like you haven’t talked about it.. you’re a sexual person, you talk with him about likes and dislikes. It’s important— and maybe you like seeing him get so red.

He’s said many times that the thought of it makes him feel a hot pit in his stomach, a greedy black hole of devious desires. He feels guilty about it, you can tell. He’s one of those boys that was raised by an overly religious grandma, one that struggled to indulge in any desires that aren’t considered normal.

So maybe you just.. grab his hips, help him slow down and really feel each stroke. That’s how it starts anyway— then you adjust, so he’s fucking the soace just below your cunt, between your thighs. You fight off the slight guilt with a reassurance that you aren’t doing anything for yourself, you’re only helping him. That, and the dripping mess in your cotton underwear keeps your mind well occupied.

The heat in your core overwhelms you when you hear him stutter out your name in a pleasured whine. It’s pathetic and so arousing and just.. art. Needy even while unconscious.

Suddenly there’s no guilt, and you reach between your warm bodies to grip him over his thin, damp boxers. Each stroke of your hand causes his breath to quicken and his moans to increase in volume. The fact that he’s still asleep is a miracle.

Eventually, you hear a small grunt, followed by a whimper, and feel his boxers get warm with fresh cum. You stroke him a few seconds longer just to see him twitch, before rolling over to focus on yourself— no way you’re sleeping now.

Your breath is already quicker as you grope your squishy breasts, trapping your pert and sensitive nipples between your fingers with a sigh. Eventually you trail your hand down your abdomen, running along your sensitive hip bones for a moment before dipping below the waistband of your panties.

Even you’re shocked at how wet you are— it’s on your thighs and parts of your ass, a clear wet spot on the cloth that covers you. A sticky, slick mess. You run your fingers through the slimy liquid and bite your lip, reaching over and brushing your damp fingers over arts plush bottom lip, letting him taste you. You almost cum when he licks his lips and whines.

You’re sick for it, and you know that, but you’re ok with it. It makes your velvety cunt flutter around nothing and your other hand grip the sheets beside you. You let out a shaky, composing breath.

You put your hand back down your panties and begin to make small circles over your clit, sighing softly, but holding back any moans for fear of awakening art. You watch his peaceful face as you touch yourself, moving your fingers faster. You feel like a creep, maybe you are one— why is this making you so horny?

You stuff two fingers inside yourself, pumping them in and out and in and out until your walls tighten around your fingers in a spasm, your other hand clasped over your mouth as your eyes rolls back and you shudder with a groan. It didn’t take long wuth how worked up you were. Your back arches up and your legs try to shut and stay open all at once as the wave of pleasure washes over you. You pull your fingers out of yourself, dusting over your clit with a soft whine, before pulling them out of your underwear.

You sigh in relief and snuggle back in, cuddling up to art and playing with his hair.

He sleeps very well that night.

#challengers #art donaldson #art challengers #stanford art #kinktober #cnc somno

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xenteaart · 3 months ago

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when you're feeling weak, i'll be the words if you can't speak

pairing: chan x reader (i wrote it with idol!chan or producer!chan in mind, but it can fit any au, really) genre/warnings: er, angst, hurt/comfort, implied suffering w depression and anxiety. reader is feeling off and insecure. also kinda going almost non verbal author's note: a short lil songfic ig coz it's inspired by Isak Danielson – I Can't Lose You. basically channie being a comfort boyfie material

to put it simply, you were never not anxious or insecure. but stepping into the big adult life, you sort of learned to conceal it well, even from your own self. the fake it till you make it thing, and you could even say you've "made it" with a small exception of the days where your brain and your entire nervous system randomly circled back to your default settings. "so what are you gonna eat, baby?" chan asks with a cheerful soft tone, glancing over the menu and then back at you.

today's a good day. you haven't been too overwhelmed with work, nothing out of the ordinary happened. so naturally, a pinch of guilt somewhere deep in your guts makes you feel like a bother to be around, and today — for no good reason.

"are you okay?" he notices your slightly spaced out gaze when you're trying to read the menu but not really reading, more like frowning and getting nervous.

"yeah.. no. no, i don't know," you murmur barely audibly, losing your focus for the tenth time in a span of the last five minutes. brain fog takes over, making your vision blurrier than normal and your thinking all floaty and hazy. as if you're looking at the world through dirty lenses, but also the lights are too bright and your surroundings are loud.

"i dunno, i just..." can't even speak for myself today and choose a meal and say it out loud because suddenly everything is embarrassing and difficult.

chris looks slightly worried because you might be in pain or feeling unwell, but nothing hurts except your pride. because you're a big girl, you have been for years, and now you want to cry on the spot because you can't choose between pasta and soup all of a sudden. it makes you feel even more stupid.

"can you please choose and order for me today? my brain just can't," you try to explain, visibly stressed and overwhelmed by a simple mundane task, "i want somethin' warm and filling," you specify to make it easier for chan.

he doesn't make a big deal out of it, just nods and meets you with a gentle 'course, baby. he then talks to the waiter and makes sure they don't ask you anything which feels like a relief. sometimes it's nice to feel invisible, especially in a vulnerable state.

after the horrifying deed is over with, chris leans in a little closer to be able to speak in a softer, quieter voice.

"d'you wanna just have dinner in silence and head home?" he asks while massaging your palm with his fingers soothingly, so calm and nonchalant as if you didn't just obsess over the smallest thing to the point of making yourself filled with shame and insecurity.

that's how chris always does it. by showing you that whatever it is that's bothering you is not a burden to him. he's got you. it's okay if you want or rather need him to do something for you. he's happy to be your strong shoulder to lean onto and not think about a single thing while he takes care of whatever it is at the time.

"yeah. or you can tell me about your day and stuff. i wanna know and i'm okay with listening. just not... responding, maybe?" you give him an awkward smile as he nods understandingly and plants a little kiss on the back of your hand. a modern gentleman and a caring lover.

somewhere in the middle of a story about how cubase was lagging and almost crashed mid producing session today, the waiter brings your meals. it's two pumpkin cream soups, some grilled and seasoned breads and a fresh greek salad to share.

oh, to be loved like this.

your stomach growls at the smell of food, and a bright proud smile is instantly painted over chan's features.

#bang chan #bang chan x reader #bang chan x female reader #chan x you #chan x reader #bang chan x you #skz x you #skz x reader #skz fanfic #stray kids fanfic #stray kids bang chan #stray kids imagines #chan x y/n #chan x female reader #bang chan x y/n #my fic #my writing #stray kids x you #stray kids x reader

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immodestly-marina · 10 days ago

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So Soaked

A/n: Y’all are so patient oh my goddd, I totally forgot this one has been in my drafts for like a week. I hope you enjoy, and fingers crossed I remember to post more this week!! xx

Summary: With Sam lacking all inhibitions and sense of morality, he suggests an exciting new way to pass time with you. His brother’s girlfriend.

Warnings: Unprotected sex, cheating, slight dubcon? (Sam somewhat coaxes reader into having sex with him) manhandling, spanking, creampie, oral (F receiving), degrading kink, praise kink, fingering (F receiving), hair pulling, marking, Sam’s an asshole *Marina shrug’s*

“He gives you any shit, clock him. Y’hear?” Dean stands in the doorway glancing at you as he heads out, you give him a nod before chuckling to yourself.

When Sam returned from hell (as one does), his soul somehow managed to separate from his body, therefore he’s been different. He still has feelings, and memories, but the Sam part in particular is still out of reach. Needless to say, he’s been somewhat of a nuisance since he’s been back.

You’ve noticed his attitude towards you has particularly shifted, of all other things. You’ve always known Sam as the sweet, gentle giant that he is, but most importantly he was respectful. That Sam never wanted to push the boundaries you had. Now, all of those morals seem to have just gone straight out the window, because less than an hour ago he said: “Hey, surely that mouth can open wider for something other than talking, hm?” in response to when you criticized his proposition for your current objective. You backhanded him immediately after.

With Dean gone, you both sat in silence cleaning your guns and organizing your materials, every so often glancing up at Sam, expecting something at least half morally correct to come out of his mouth.

Eventually you gave up, and just focused on cleaning out the barrel of your sawed off.

“I want to fuck you.”

You blinked. And then again. And then once more, before shooting a glare his way. He just sat there looking down at his rifle as he absentmindedly scrubbed away, not a word.

“Excuse me?” You responded through gritted teeth. He barely looked up, all you got was a small shake of his head.

“I’m bored, I wasn’t planning on doing this the whole time he’s gone so I thought we could do something fun to pass the time.” He fucking shrugged. You scoffed and slammed your gun on the chair beside you before huffing and heading into the small bathroom of the motel.

He wasn’t trying to be an asshole, he just didn’t see honesty as being a bad thing anymore. He was attracted to you, he always has been. He just lacks the shame to hide it right now.

You groan at the sound of a knock coming from behind you, waiting for more of Sam’s vulgar suggestions for how to spend your little time together.

“I made you uncomfortable, I’m sorry.” You tilt your head at his apology, finding it odd that his first approach would be an actual apology- “The offer’s still on the table, though…”

Oh. Wonderful, you think to yourself. Swinging the door open, you shove past him to grab your bag. The last thing you want is to spend the next few hours arguing with Sam on how to behave around women, let alone spend the next few hours fucking him and dealing with the overwhelming guilt of cheating on his brother.

“Oh, come on-” Sam mumbles as he follows you out of the room, catching you by the elbow before you can reach the motel door. You yank your arm back, but to no avail. He’s way bigger and way stronger, though his grip doesn’t let up, it’s still surprisingly loose.

“Just wait a second, just wait-” You scoff and tug your arm free. He sighs calmly, “Look, I know you want this too. You don’t have to try to hide it anymore, I’m giving you the opportunity to satisfy it while you can.”

He cocks his brow as if to ask ‘Well?’

You shake your head, crossing your arms and looking away. He steps back into your line of sight before continuing. “It’s a win-win, is it not? I get laid, you get to live out this fantasy without any trouble-”

“What do you mean without any trouble? I’m not cheating on Dean, your own brother!”

“He wouldn’t have to know.” He interrupts. “I’m not gonna say anything if you don’t,”

You grit your teeth, but deep down you’ve contemplated the idea before. You feel god awful about it, but something about Sam has always been a little bit captivating to you. His eyes don’t leave yours as he watches the cogs in your head turn. Sam steps closer to you, tilting his head down and showing off his pretty puppy eyes that remain even without a soul.

He leans in beside you. “You want this…” Sam whispers into your ear.

“So take it.”

Your breath catches in your throat before you reach up and pull him down by the head to crash your lips against his, to which his hands move to grip your ass before hoisting you up by the thighs. You whine against him and tangle your fingers into his hair as your own falls into your face. With one hand sliding up to wrap around your back, his other pushes the strands of hair back before pulling it all into his hand, yanking it back to drag his lips across your neck as he walks you to the bed.

Your back hits the shitty motel mattress as he pulls his shirt off over his head, immediately tossing it and crawling over you to remove yours. As the pile of clothes takes up more space on the floor, he takes his place in between your thighs to toy with your underwear. His palms smooth over your hips, before forcefully pushing open your legs wide enough for him to dive straight towards your clothed cunt.

Sam nips at your clit through your underwear, looking up at you as you let out a quiet mewl at his teasing. He stops then, before moving down to just below your entrance and licking a rough stripe from there to your clit, flicking his tongue against it once more. Your hand flies to his hair to bring him closer, but he catches it and slams it against the mattress, mumbling a “Stay still” against the material over your pussy.

He continues these administrations for mere minutes, before pulling back to yank your panties down your legs, tossing them as soon as they leave your ankles. With that, he lays back down on his stomach, and roughly sucks your clit between his lips, his teeth threatening with soft grazes before soothing them with his tongue.

His large hands hold your hips in place before they can buck or grind against his face as he licks and drags his tongue across your folds rapidly.

Your eyes want to squeeze shut, but doing so would rid you of the sight of him like this: between your legs, his eyes hooded, huge hands holding you down, mouth alternating between being closed around your clit to dragging across your entrance with his tongue.

His hand soon leaves your hip, replacing it with his other arm as it moves down to your sopping cunt, toying with the peachy wet skin, before teasing your hole with just the tip of his finger, slowly giving you shallow thrusts before softly caressing your hole, and going back to teasing you with almost nothing.

Your whines increase in volume, and he takes that as a cue to give you what you want. He inserts his index finger to the knuckle, curling it before pulling it from you and thrusting it back in. He eventually adds his middle finger, and then another, before roughly fucking you with his fingers as his tongue flicks feverishly at your clit.

You feel Sam grunt against you as your moans come out louder. His speed increases until he feels your cunt baring down harder against his knuckles before removing them completely, giving your pussy one last, long, slow lick.

With his pants already discarded on the floor, Sam palms his dick through his boxers, giving it a few tugs before freeing it from the restricting material. Your hands instinctively reach out for him, Sam chuckles and slaps them away as he strokes himself in front of you. He makes his way back over you, leaning down to mouth at your neck once more. You feel his teeth nip at your sensitive skin, before sucking it between his teeth. It isn’t until he soothes the mark with his tongue that you realize, he’s marking you up for his brother to see. You push Sam’s face away from your neck, and his hand immediately grabs it and pins it by your head.

“What?” He huffs above you. “Don’t wanna remember this? Don’t wanna be reminded about how you let your boyfriend’s brother fuck you, hm?” Sam tilts his head down at you as you let out a quiet whine. His eyes fall to your chest, as his lips curl into a smirk. “Or is it that you don’t want your boyfriend to know…” He leans down to your ear,his breath ghosting over your neck as he whispers, “how you let his brother fuck you?”

Sam flicks his tongue against the spot just below your earlobe, before nipping it to leave just the smallest mark, Dean could easily miss it, surely.

You relax against him when his fingers drag along your thigh, moving towards your hip to grip it tight. Sam sits up to fist his cock with his other hand, spreading precum across his tip before nudging himself towards your core. He watches your face for any negative reaction, not in the mood for dealing with the repercussions of you not feeling comfortable. When he sees your subtle nod, he rubs his tip between your folds, gathering your wetness to slick up his cock before nudging his tip at your entrance.

He slips past your folds, your pussy welcoming him inside within seconds. It’s not long before he starts fucking into you at a rough pace, hands gripping your hips as he slams his against you.

Your hands scramble to reach his shoulders, nails digging harder into the tough muscle with each mean thrust of his hips. Sam ducks his head into the crook of your neck as he lets out a low grunt, his pace slowing down to grind into you, hard. He keeps that pace for all of five seconds, before giving you a rough thrust that has your eyes rolling back and your lungs huffing out a choked moan. He lets out a breathy groan that fades into a dark chuckle, “That’s a girl, fuck… that’s a good girl, good girl, holy shit…”

His hips move faster again, the tip of his cock bullying your cervix over and over as his teeth find your neck again. Oddly enough, he nips you ever so gently, before soothing the spot with a swipe of his warm tongue. Sam sucks another bruise onto your jaw when his calloused fingers find their way to your still puffy clit. He brings his face above yours as his thumb circles your sensitive bud, his lips ghosting over yours while you pant into each other's mouths.

The room is filled by the wet plap, plap, plap’s of Sam’s hips rutting into you, and your soft moans drowned out by his deep grunts and groans. His fingers speed up their assault on your clit and your voice jumps up an octave or two, moans becoming almost pornographic. Sam almost loses it.

He leans down to capture your lips in a rough kiss, hand leaving your pussy to grab your chin and hold it aggressively between his fingers. He pulls his lips off yours by barely an inch, eyes opening to lock into yours as he slams into you harder.

“God, take that fucking cock- so fucking slutty for me, hm?” When he only gets a whimper in response, he squeezes your cheeks between his fingers and gives you a single hard thrust to grab your attention. “Tell me how fucking good it is, I wanna hear you admit how fucking good you feel right now.”

Your eyes nearly cross from his assertion, and you nod quickly when you do as you’re asked. “H-ahh- feels- s’good! Feel so, so good, Sammy!” Your fingers dig harder into the tough flesh of his shoulders, legs wrapped tightly around his hips. He nods, still holding more than half your face in his huge hand. “Yeah, s’right… and who’s making you feel that fucking good baby, who fucks this pussy the way you need?” He brings your leg around his hip to rest on his upper arm as he plows into you at an even deeper angle.

Your eyes widen at the feeling of the new position, shocked you’d never tried this with Dean before. Dean, shit. This was a fucking terrible idea… but honest to god, it feels so good. It almost feels right. You zero in on his blissed out face, your mouth falling open to answer his question with a whine. “You are- ohmygod… Sam, you are- you do-” You’re cut off with a moan as his hand holds your throat as he sits up on his knees to fuck you faster.

Sam grins a little with the increased pace and your loud reaction. His unoccupied hand comes down to smack your ass, causing more whimpers to leave your lips. Each of his new ministrations bring you closer, and closer to your orgasm, which he can tell is rapidly approaching by the look on your face and the blush trailing from your cheeks to your chest, as well as the way your cunt is fluttering around him. “M’gonna-”

Knew it, he thinks to himself. He spanks you again, gripping your thigh with a rough grip. “I wanna hear you fucking scream my name as you come on my cock, dollface.”

It wasn’t long after the words left his mouth that you felt your orgasm rip through you like a tidal wave, your back arching off the bed a little as you quiver around Sam’s dick. His name leaves your mouth over and over, turning it into a mantra within seconds. You fight to keep your eyes from squeezing shut when his pace doesn’t falter, let alone slow.

It’s not until tears brim at your eyes that Sam pulls out to flip you over, and he’s not gentle about it. He presses your head into the pillow below you, then hoists you up by your waist and hip to hold onto you as he sinks back into your glistening pussy. As soon as he’s buried to the hilt once more, he continues roughfucking you into next week, yanking you back by your hips with each pump of his hips. Loud grunts leave Sam’s throat as he chases his own orgasm, his fingers bruising your hips as he grips you harder and harder the closer he gets.

With a few more thrusts, Sam stills and chokes out a long groan as he spills inside of you. His hips buck into you weakly as his cock throbs against your walls, his head falling in exhaustion as he gives a few more slow strokes to draw out his orgasm.

He lazily rubs your hips as he pulls out of you, before leaning down to watch his come leak out from your abused hole. Thick globs of white roll down your pink lips, but are quickly swiped by Sam’s fingers and pushed back into you. His other hand steadies you by the hip while his fingers work his come deeper into your cunt with obscene sounds.

He eventually pulls them out and smears the remaining fluid on your folds, chuckling to himself at the sight.

“So dirty, fuck… knew that would make time pass faster.”

#sam winchester #sam winchester smut #sam winchester x reader #soulless sam smut #soulless sam #supernatural #jared padalecki #spn #smut

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honeybeedrabble · 9 months ago

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Casanova (Cheating!Sasuke x AFAB!Reader) - iii

CW: MINIMAL EDITING !!! mean!sasuke x AFAB!reader, reader pregnancy, homewrecker!reader, deadbeat dad activities, cheating, piv (unprotected), creampie, spitting/spit play, oral (f receiving) degradation (loser, whore), zero after care, breeder!sasuke, generally scummy behavior, lmk if i missed anything. short chapter lol

18+ MDNI !!!!!!!!!!

Sasuke knew he hated himself, like seriously- hated himself. He hated himself because everytime he came home he was reminded that he destroyed the family he loved so much just because he wanted to fuck you. Sure, the first time was an accident, if anything he helped you the first time! At least that’s what he told himself to be able to sleep at night. But the second time? The second time was pure lust, nothing but dirty lust that had taken over him and made him want to fuck you.

What didn’t help was how he heard people talk about you. How they would gossip about how nice your newly found motherhood was, and how it was sweet you’d decided to have your own little family. He hated that whenever people would ask who the father was you’d dodge the question, a flustered blush overwhelming your face as you clutched your chest.

But probably what Sasuke hated most of all was how the days went by and your belly got bigger, he got hard at just the sight of you. Your skin was always glowing, your breasts bigger, and of course your stomach bigger. He would think about how hot it was that he had gotten you pregnant, showing off how you were his, regardless as to how nobody knew it. In fact, the ignorance of how it was him got him unbelievably horny.

Whenever he would fuck his wife, he would put a hand flat on her stomach, feel the way his cock would bulge underneath, and imagine it was you while caressing where your child would’ve been. Sakura had no idea of course, she was just happy to get dicked down after a strange dry spell. Sasuke silently refused to fuck her, out of shame and pity mostly, but after getting hot and bothered by just the sight of you for weeks mixed with the feeling of sexual frustration he had to let himself go.

After the deed was done, his post but clarity kicked in like no tomorrow.

What am I going to do? How fucked am I?

He thought as he looked to his side and watched as his wife would catch her breath, post orgasm. He shook his head, pulling the covers up to his chest to cover himself up. Sakura rolled over, putting a hand to his covered chest.

“We haven’t done that in quite a while, huh?” she softly laughed, still breathing in and out.

“Yeah,” he smiled, looking away quickly. Sakura furrowed her brow.

“Are you okay?” She asked, sitting up and closer to him.

“Um, yeah… why?”

“It’s just… you’ve been so distant lately, and that’s saying something.” She nudged him and Sasuke made a halfhearted laugh. “You’ve been like this for weeks… if I didn’t know any better I’d assume something…” Sasuke tensed up.

“Assume what?” He bit back, jaw clenched. Sakura was taken aback.

“All I’m saying is ever since that genjutsu user got away you’ve been acting strange. You don’t feel bad about her getting away, do you?” Sakura asked, tone softer.

“She didn’t get away…” Sasuke muttered.

“Huh?”

“Oh, um… Her. Yeah, that’s what it is.” Sasuke replied, rolling over and facing away from Sakura. She giggled.

“Oh Sasuke, you’ve always been so hard on yourself.”

“For good reason…” He sighed, once again the feelings of shame and guilt returned.

“There you go again. Why don’t we just change the subject, hmm?” Sakura asked. Sasuke wanted to vomit when she said your name.

“W-what about her?” he felt the bile building up in his throat.

“Well you know how she’s pregnant right?”

“Yes, yes, of course I know she’s pregnant! What about her?”

“Well she’s coming into the hospital tomorrow for an ultrasound! When I found out I just knew I had to be her doctor so I’m going to be giving her her screening!” Sakura chirped happily.

Without a word Sasuke got out of bed, not facing her the whole time.

“Sorry, I just realized I have to go to the bathroom,” he said, walking out the door.

“Oh okay, we’ll can you bring me a glass of water when you come back?” Sakura called as he was already walking down the hall.

“Yup.” He responded. He locked himself in the bathroom and turned the fan on, then vomited into the toilet before tangling his fingers into his hair and silently crying as his heart beat out his chest.

___________________

You had no idea of course, so nobody could imagine the slurry of emotions erupting inside of you when Sakura walked into the room, clipboard in hand for your check up. You laid back on the examination bed, heart beating out of your chest as she made conversation with you about your baby.

“You can tell me, c’mon! Who’s the father,” she asked, pouring jelly on your belly and spreading it around.

“I can’t…” you frowned.

“Why not?” She asked, turning to the screen and flipping it on.

“It’s cause,” you felt sweat bead on your forehead, you felt sick and had no idea how to tell her this was her husbands child. “It’s cause I had a sperm donor.”

Sakura spun around in the seat and looked at you.

“No kidding! So you’ve really wanted to be a mom that badly?” She asked, moving the small device around on your stomach.

“Um… Yeah I guess so,” you mustered a laugh.

“Didn’t they tell you who the donor was? Y’know if I check your appointment date I can see who’s they gave you-“

“Oh no that’s fine! I didn’t have a preference…” You lied as you both shifted your attention to the screen. “Just wanted it to be healthy…”

Soon enough the fetus was on screen and Sakura gasped with delight.

“Well it seems healthy to me!”

“Um, do you know it’s gender yet?” You asked, shamefully curious.

“Well it’s too early to tell, that’s also why it’s so small.” She pressed a little harder against you, and shifted it around. She pointed at the top of the oblong shape. “There’s the head.”

You smiled as you looked at it, then your face dropped. You felt tears roll down your face and soon enough you were crying. Sakura turned her head to see you.

“I’m sorry…” you cried, wiping your face.

“No no! It’s okay, plenty of mothers cry when they get their ultrasound done it’s completely fine! It’s also all those hormones don’t worry.” She sat closer to you and gave you a small hug, running her hand up and down your back.

You wished she had punched you, kicked you, or even yelled at you, maybe then you wouldn’t feel so bad about being her husbands mistress and baby mother. But instead she was coddling you and telling you it would be alright, which it certainly would not be. Eventually you stopped crying and Sakura grabbed her clipboard and started writing down on it. She tore a piece of paper out and handed it to you.

“It’s a list of some prenatal vitamins, they’ll make you feel better especially when you start to get further into your first trimester.” She was too sweet, and you were so shitty.

_______________________

That night after dinner you heard a knock at your door and when you saw who it was you wished you slammed it immediately.

“Can I come in?” Sasuke asked, looking around nervously.

“Get the fuck in here.” You muttered. He shut the door behind him and locked it. You crossed your arms angrily.

“You know it’s already fucked up as it is that I have to raise your child alone, and now i’m reminded that your wife literally exists. You know she gave my ultrasound?” Sasuke cringed. “Yeah. Didn’t think about giving me a heads up?”

“I can explain-“

“Oh! So you did know?”

“Listen-“

“What the fuck…” you cried, sobbing into your hands and turning away from him.

“So emotional…”

“Fuck you, loser.”

“If i didn’t know your hormones were out of control right now I’d remind you that out of the both of us the real loser might be the one carrying the married man’s child.” Sasuke snapped. You growled low, then with an open palm struck him across the face. He winced, a soft grunt escaping his lips.

“I should kill this damn fetus that you find so fascinating. I hate it. I hate you. Everyday i’m reminded there’s something disgusting growing inside of me that you put there, it makes me sick.” You cried again, ugly sobs ripping their way out through your lungs to bounce around the walls of your home.

“It’s not my fault you were acting like such a whore that day.” Sasuke frowned, his hand running over the red skin on his face.

“If you had killed that genjutsu user we wouldn’t be here right now.”

“You got in the way.” You scoffed.

“Always so pretentious, aren’t you?”

“It’s the truth. I could’ve handled it but no, you just needed to show off.”

“Show off? You’re one to talk. You’re practically showing off to the whole village how you got me knocked up everywhere I go.” Your brows furrowed. Sasuke was silent.

He knew you were right. Maybe he knew it was the pot calling the kettle black, but he was backed into a corner. Something about the word ‘loser’ struck a nerve with him. A deadbeat dad with a distant wife- no fault of anyone else but him. Did he somehow think starting a family with you would be some sort of do-over? something to rid him of his guilt?

When he looked at his wife he saw a beautiful woman, strong and accomplished. But how can you have any room for attraction to someone you have so much guilt for. Guilt for his old days of vengeance and hate, guilt for his job that kept him away from home for years.

But you? You were a fresh face. Beaming with optimism and a subtle hint of indifference that he knew he could change. You had something Sasuke couldn’t quite identify, simply being around you now felt dangerous. Sure, it could be, but it was more than the thrill of danger. You were his whim, his drug, the fever he couldn’t sweat out and being inside of you was the only place he wanted to be every hour of everyday. Maybe you have animosity for him now but could this family save you? more importantly- could it save Sasuke?

You took a deep breath in, shakily letting it go.

“You need to leave…” You were about to walk for the door when a possessive hand grasped your wrist. You froze.

“You don’t understand, I need you.” His voice was almost a whisper, the low growl that it almost produced set a shiver up your spine.

“I…” you started, face flush from his sudden shift. “Please, I can’t deal with you right now. You’re just too confusing.”

Sasuke gripped you brash and pinned you against the nearest wall, mounted frames ratted when you made contact. You gasped, your free hand coming to rest at your belly.

“Sasuke! You can’t just do that! It’s not good for the baby, knock it off,” your face burned hot. Sasuke raised a brow, a small smirk pricking up.

“Oh? So you do care about the well being of our baby, huh?” Bastard. He had you.

He leaned down partially, teasing you with a warm breath against your lips. You fought yourself to not close the gap, your mind racing and your face flaming. Soon enough you gave into your impulses and kissed him passionately.

You both let out an exhale, his soft lips making yours wet with his saliva. He opened his mouth to lick your sweet lips, tracing how plush they were only for his tongue to slip past them and feel along your own. His tongue ran along the smooth underside of yours, then swirled back up to trace your rougher taste buds, leaving his own flavor behind.

He grunted when you tangled your fingers in his hair, digging deep towards his roots and gently yanking when he pressed a growing erection into your swollen core. You wrapped your legs around his waist, your arms around his neck and he carried you to your bedroom, where he laid you down onto the mattress as soon as you both arrived.

Sasuke ripped off your pajama pants then ducked down to the valleys of your flesh, kissing in between your thighs to suck deep hickeys into. You moaned and writhed under his chin, then he made haste to your sensitive pussy, licking hard against your clit. You let out a harsh and untamed cry of pleasure, it almost sounded like you were in pain. But the way you bucked your hips into his mouth and dig deeper into his scalp proved otherwise.

You didn’t realize your body was craving Sasuke for so long until mere seconds later you were cumming on his tongue, hoarse moans and soft whimpers escaped your lips without warning as your juices filled his mouth. Sasuke palmed himself when you flooded into him, he swallowed every drop you could’ve given him and when you were done with your orgasm he didn’t stop devouring you until you were shaking like a leaf.

Sasuke roughly grabbed one of your tits as he stood up, looking down at you through narrowed eyes, you quivered under his gaze.

“Off.” He commanded. You took off your tank top and threw it across the room. Sasuke swooped down to caress your tits in his hand and mouth, biting harshly on your sensitive nipples. You clenched around nothing when he did so, thighs clamping shut around his torso.

He quickly came off of you and he undid his pants, you watched as the waistband of his pants and boxers fell to the floor, his large cock standing straight up against his chiseled abdomen.

There were no words spoken between the two of you. No promises of love, no claims of possession, no gifts exchanged or fancy jewelry to court with, no battles won to impress with, and no acts of tenderness. Only one single thing was present and that was the absolute orgasmic pleasure that came from being impaled be Sasukes cock over and over and over again. He got off watching you bounce from underneath him, your tits giggling every time he bottomed out and his balls smacked against your ass.

Sasuke bit his lip to stutter his moans when you started shaking again. Your climax looked almost like a seizure, more whimpers and cries were let out as you shook, only to be met with more tremors the longer he fucked you, continuing to deliver what practically seemed like pleasure epilepsies.

“F-Fuck! Sasuke, you’re so good…” you mewled, toes curling when he hit that good spot deep inside of you.

His hips didn’t slow their violent pace, his thumb traced along your clit, rubbing tight circles against it with he pad of his finger.

“Yeah…” he grunted, pace getting rougher. “You like this dick, huh? You like it so much you got pregnant from it, little whore.” He smirked, teasing you with long, deep strokes that slowed down to an agonizing pace.

You breathed heavily, heart pounding so loud and fast you were scared you might have a heart attack.

“Fuck- yeah…” you blubbered, hips twisting when you felt him bottom out.

“You’re gonna raise my fucking baby, aren’t you?” Sasuke murmured, his pace intensified and yet again you were crying out again.

“Y-yeah,” you whimpered, legs shaking as Sasuke obliterated your leaky pussy.

“That’s right… you’d do anything for this uchiha dick, wouldn’t you?” He asked with a smirk as he jackhammered you raw with his thick rod.

You neared your orgasm, cunt clenching tight and making Sasuke grunt as he continued to rail you. You nodded, eyes rolling back as your eye brows furrowed. Your mouth fell open and Sasuke took this opportunity to spit into it, you shocked yourself when you swallowed it. Sasuke had a feeling you would but watching you do it made him go crazy and his pace inside of you was excruciating.

“Say you want our baby, say you’re keeping it,” Precum was spilling out of you, it was fully mixed in with your arousal and your ass was drenched from your fluids dripping down.

“I want our baby, Sasuke- I… I’m keeping it I promise…” your face burned, your body surprised you would utter such words to the man who ruined you.

It didn’t matter for much longer since you came hard on his cock, appendages flying all around him to get him even closer to you. He complied and pressed himself deeper into you, almost as if he were fusing into you. his cock twitched when he filled you up with hot cum and you loved hearing his soft moans. you wrapped your legs around him to keep him right inside of you and if it wasn’t for the fact it was sasuke who had led you to this misfortunate spot, you wouldn’t be upset by the state you’re in now.

Eventually Sasuke got off of you and clothed himself. His pants covering his sex, almost as if in a way he was ashamed of where it had got him. Hiding it away from the mess he had made.

“I’ve got to go, I’ve already overstayed my welcome.” Sasuke sighed, he turned around and looked back over his shoulder at you. “Goodnight.”

You were still naked and drenched in sweat and sperm, juices leaking down your legs. It was like he injected you with his own venomous guilt for living, having desire, having your own craving for freedom through your sex. That freedom was gone now, only one of you had to deal with this fuck up. Now this venom was killing you. It was as if the most pleasurable knife was jabbed inside of you and you were bleeding out your emotions.

The sheets were all messed up besides you and as you watched him go you were glad he didn’t offer to tuck you in. A good man would’ve offered, a better would’ve tucked you in without even asking. In a way, it was confirmation he was a shitty lover and maybe even a worse partner. It made you feel better he wouldn’t do such an intimate thing for the fling like this when he has a wife and child at home.

Still shaken, you managed to sit upright, angry and defeated. You knew your body and mouth betrayed you of the freedom you wanted so badly. They reinforced his belief that you wanted to keep this anchor of a weight that was Sasuke Uchihas child. You were furious your body betrayed you and led you down a path of self destruction. You felt cheated, then felt worse when you realized that the only person who should really feel that way was Sakura.

AN: i have been LAGGING !!! i am so sorry gang i'm trying to be better with posting like how i used to but somethings been up idk what is is or when it'll be over but i think i just gotta womp womp my way through it. anyways i'm sorry if i forgot to add you to the tag list just leave a comment and i'll add you to the next part.

tag list: @just-your-emo-sensei @princess-saki1 @mandy-yeager @emmaaas-posts

#smut #naruto #sasuke smut #sasuke x reader #sasuke uchiha smut #sasuke fic #sasuke naruto #sasuke uchiha #sasuke x reader smut #sasuke x you #casanova!sasuke #dark sasuke #naruto fic #naruto smut #sasuke uchiha x you #sasuke uchiha x reader

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