#because nothing I was getting seemed to really fit
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imperfect for you (aka insecure reader x comforting rafe)
kook!reader x rafe cameron
prompt: a party that was supposed to be relaxing and to clear the head goes terribly wrong, leaving a very anxious and insecure reader, good thing she has her very caring boyfriend who knows exactly how to take care of her.
a/n: okay, that's the first time i write for rafe, i really like obx and rafe, so i tried my best in here, but i didn't really like it, i think it's bcs it's my first time writing about him. english is not my first language, i hope you guys like it š
You weren't exactly excited about going to this party, but you knew your boyfriend was, and you didn't want to be a party pooper, and at least you'd be with him, nothing bad would happen if you gave up and went to a party, right?
Well, you were wrong, terribly wrong, even though you were a kook, you never exactly fit in, you never got the right friends, and even though you were pretty, guys just didn't seem to be interested in you.
That was until, Rafe Cameron laid eyes on you, in your little sundress, having a drink at the club, just looking for some peace, you looked almost ethereal in his eyes, and he just knew you were meant to be together, it took a while to convince you of that. You spent most of the talk thinking it was some bad joke, because there was no way, Rafe Cameron, the king of kooks, was there, talking to you, interested in you and not on your hot friend, or literally anyone else.
You two get along almost instantly, his charm had you wrapped around his finger, and you loved it.
It had been months since you two started dating, but you still didn't feel like you fit into his social circle. So when, the first moment he separated from you at the party, a girl purposely bumped into you, spilling her drink on your short dress and whispering 'Whore' in your ear, you were sure.
Rafe didn't get it why you suddenly looked so upset, but he wanted everything, but to see his girl upset, so when he suggested for you, that you two go home, you happily headed towards the truck.
"Sweetheart, you need to talk to me. What the hell happened that you suddenly look like a kicked puppy?" and it only took his playful words for you to burst into tears in the passenger seat, it wasn't just the girl or the stained dress, everything looked too much, and you looked so small, a girl being an bitch was all you needed to lose it.
Rafe immediately looked at you with his blue eyes filled with concern. "Hey, love, I was just kidding, you don't look like a kicked puppy, I swear." he says trying to understand what happened to make you break down.
You looked up at him, your pretty eyes shining with tears. "I just-, I don't feel like I fit in, Rafey, like i fit right in with you, but i'm just unwanted by everyone else," she says, her voice cracking with tears. "I tried to fit in, but I've been around these people my whole life, and they've never liked me, and now I feel like I'm holding you back, or making them look down at you"
Now, he looks like a kicked puppy as he looks at you with a worried expression. "Honey, you don't have to fit in, those people at the party, they don't like me either, they look at me like shit too and that's not your fault, not at all, you don't need to fit in with them because you think you have to because of me, the only person I need by my side, is you."
She blinks her bright eyes at him, as if the words had run away from her mind. The car stops in front of the house, and he gets out, opening the door for her, greeting her with a kiss before the words even come back to her. "I love you, no matter what any of those assholes think, because you're the one who's here for me, not them."
She looks at him, looking almost wonderstruck, a smile breaking across her face, wrapping her arms around his neck. "The only person I need is you, Rafe," she says, knowing that the feeling was mutual. "What do you say we go inside, put you in some comfy clothes, and watch Sex and the City?" She laughs at how well he knows her as they walk into the house, his hand around her waist.
"Sounds perfect."
#rafe x reader#rafe outer banks#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron imagine#rafe cameron#rafe cameron thoughts#rafe cameron x you#rafe obx#drew starkey#outerbanks rafe#obx#outer banks
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I feel like Floyd would enjoy having a van and travelling around twisted wonderland
probably with a few actual buildings to live in for awhile if he ever gets āsick of that cramped spaceā
he just seems like a guy who would proudly show u his van and all his neat stuff he picked up while travelling and when u look intrested or amazed
āeh you think this is neat shrimpy? Maybe u should join me then~ the bed can fit twoooo hahahaā
cut to smexy time in van where it is clearly rocking from the SINFUL activity going on inside along with lots of moans and groans and cheeky laughter from a cheeky eel :3c
FLOYD VAN LIFE YESSSSS!!!!! He so wouldā¦ omg he absolutely would live in a van and travel around,,, seeing new sights, gathering trinkets and fun experiences as he goes, etc!! I can vividly picture him driving one of those hippie vans thatās decorated in bright colors and patterns. Like the vintage VW microbus!!! And maybe heās a traveling musician because he needs to make money to afford living on the road and everything else that comes with this lifestyle!!! Ruggedly attractive, annoyingly flirtatious solo musician Floyd who never seems to settle in one place for long and is always on the goā¦ā¦. I need him. He oozes sex appeal and just an overall good time. Friendly vibes. >w< but of course thereās something so Casanova about himā¦.. it isnāt his intention to leave a trail of broken hearts from city to city, but he is so not ready to settle down right now. Not when thereās still so much to see and do!! OTL if he knocks you up on the roadā¦ well!!!! Plans change! He lives for this spontaneity.
Fucking in the van as wellā¦ā¦ omg pray that Floyd parked somewhere away from a busy lot, or else anyone within proximity to the van is going to hear nothing but the salacious sounds of sex!!! Oooo he is so cheeky, giggling at you when you try to keep your voice downā¦ā¦ itās no fun if youāre trying to muffle yourself. :< let him hear you~ but is any of that really important right now when heās rearranging your guts and taking you to heaven, when youāre so focused on clawing his back, when all you can think of is him in this perfect space. So maybe you forget all about being quiet and slip into shameless enjoyment.
Those windows and doors are going to be WIDE OPEN in the aftermath to ventilate the van after certain activities. :) but that just means he gets to bring out his portable grill and make Shrimpy and him a delicious meal. <3 and since heās in such a good mood, heāll break out his guitar and play until the sunās set and the moonās hanging high in the sky.
You started out as a fling, but now he wouldnāt mind it if you accompanied him on his travels. No matter where he goes or however many people he charms, youāll always be his number one. (ą¹ĖĢµį“ĖĢµ)ā¤ļø
#twisted chit chat#n/sfw#i need to get high with this floyb#something tells me he would be fun to smoke withā¦ā¦.#fluffy floyd hours#<- sort of??? i think
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Ok there seems to be some people still unconvinced with having a reverse crush with Sonic and Amy so Im going to give my input about it, in my opinion it's even logical at this point:
The Sonic from the videogames and the Sonic from the live action movies are obviously different, Videogame Sonic is often portrayed as someone very confident, someone who is already a hero, too cool for school, someone so free that even though he has a lot of friends he seems to like and treasure his time alone, also it's been confirmed that SEGA doesn't like Sonic having strong emotions, also he has already knowledge of his homeworld and was never surprised to see other people of his kind and the first portrayals of Amy were too pushy, stalky and obsessed with him, he was annoyed by her and it was doom to be a one sided crush until the recent changes in her behavior that as simple as she is still openly in love with him but she isn't forcing it on him and as a result he is more comfortable with her and he doesn't reject her as much as before or at all so we don't have a relationship confirmed but we got a ambiguous relationship like: "yes there is something cooking but you only get to smell the food, you'll never eat it"
Then we have the Sonic of the movies, this Sonic barely knows nothing about his homeworld aside the parts his caretaker who was an owl and not his biological mom allowed him to be and is also aware of the echidnas because he was attacked by them before coming to earth. Then on earth he was heartbreakingly lonely for years and that made him be socially awkward and clumsy even though he is an extrovert even pretending he was familiar with Tom and Maddie before he actually became their "son" , this Sonic had to learn to fight on the way through the movies while dangerous things just suddenly kept happening to him, he wasn't a match for knuckles at the beginning because knuckles was already an expert fighter and Sonic wasn't, he wasn't immediately accepting with Tails because he was not confident enough to trust someone he just met even though Tails was helping him and he almost killed Shadow on a fit of vengeful rage, this is not how videogame Sonic behaves, he isn't this much awkward and emotional teenager, movie Sonic is more energetic than Sonic Boom's Sonic and just as chatty as Sonic prime's Sonic and almost nothing like SonicX's Sonic (I don't know the other series he has), also Shadow is literally the first other Hedgehog he ever saw in his life. Also movie Amy is already a badass fighter, that comes from his homeworld, she probably already saw other hedgehogs, also I'm sure she has also the Tarot cards skills she has in the games (and that's why she is there), THIS is the Amy that presents herself to Sonic: a badass female hedgehog that saved him under the moonlight, the second Hedgehog he meets but specifically the FIRST FEMALE hedgehog he ever sees! So given the clumsy wannabe cool dork teenager personality he has, being the first time he sees a female of his species, saving him with such a badass move, an encounter alone in the night... Do you really think is realistic to expect him to be cool and collected about it? This is a huge deal šš, there's no way logically speaking this Sonic isn't going to be nervous and awkward, is impossible to think he is not going to be into Amy š¤£š¤£ after that.
But I don't think this is a "reverse crush" I totally think that obviously Amy is going to have a crush on him too, just not as outrageously obvious and obsessive, I think is going to be: "he acts clumsy, she thinks he is cute" and then she'll fall harder once she sees his heroic side, something like: "he fell first, she fell harder" what do you think?
Also, I just noticed that Shadow is kinda in the same situation as Sonic... I mean this time he isn't a creation but a finding inside a meteorite... He has never seen a girl hedgehog either right? Anyway giving his personality I doubt he would be a clumsy dork with her like Sonic would be... I mean it's Shadow š¤·š¤· but maybe she is a bit into him and Sonic gets jealous... Who knows š a bit of Shadamy doesn't hurt.
But again, don't expect anything canon canon, it's probably going to be as I said before: "something is cooking but we only get to smell the food and never eat it"
#sonic the hedgehog#sonic#amy rose#sonic the hedghog movie#knuckles the echidna#rouge the bat#sonamy#shadow the hedgehog#shadamy#sonic idw#sonic movie
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The Trial
Short thoughts on how Gabriel & Beez could fit back into the story in The Finale & on how Aziraphale's fall would lead to the collapse of the current Heaven/Hell system, in response, as promised, to questions posed by @zenkitty714.
Whoever the guy with the coffee in The Final 15 is, he didn't exactly say that there was a Supreme Archangel job vacancy because Heaven was down for giving Gabriel a watch and telling him to bugger off and go tend to his marigolds. At no point does Our Villain ever actually express one shred of intent to leave Gabriel alone. He simply says that he feels there's a job opening... which all feels a bit sinister since it suggests that there is one because our villains still plan on trying to kill Gabriel.
The Metatron's response to Gabriel mutinying on Monday morning was to try to murder him and we saw exactly nothing in the course of S2 that would indicate that his plans have changed where that is concerned. In order to get Aziraphale into the lift, Our Villain had to lead him to believe that there was a chance-- a remote chance but a chance-- that The Metatron was willing to change and let Heaven reform. Letting it seem like Gabriel and Beez were safe was part of that deception.
Gabriel and Beez were only safe for the brief moment until Aziraphale got into the elevator because our villains needed to pretend like they didn't care about revenge against them in order to sell the idea that Heaven could reform to an understandably doubtful but desperate Aziraphale. Now that they have Aziraphale, though, and have accomplished their goal of going after him first to divide and conquer our main characters, our villains have no need to keep up this charade.
That's why it's a damn good thing that Uriel is on our main characters' side now because she'll be there when Aziraphale falls. She won't be able to stop it without following him to Hell, which wouldn't help either of them or anybody else. What she can do, though, is then be the one to go get Gabriel and Beez and tell them what's happened to Aziraphale. Uriel on the run from Heaven as a result of this and the need to find Crowley will then give them all reason to go to the bookshop, where Muriel will serve her purpose of having witnessed basically all of The Final 15. They'll be able to tell Ineffable Bureaucracy what they missed, with Uriel confirming the bit of what she herself saw before the angels left after following whom they're now realizing was Satan's command to leave.
Wherever Crowley is at the start of The Finale's story in the present, I bet hard that it's going to be Gabriel who goes to get him. It's going to be Gabriel who tells Crowley that the reason why he can't feel Aziraphale anymore isn't because Aziraphale was Book of Life'd-- that's not a real thing. (Notice how the one character who could have answered that question in S2-- Gabriel-- is prevented from even knowing it's a question for the entirety of the season.) It's going to be Gabriel who tells Crowley that he can't feel Aziraphale because Aziraphale fell and Gabriel who talks Crowley off a metaphorical and possibly literal ledge when, at some point, Muriel confirms that Crowley sat there in a chair and told Aziraphale to go alone with a being they all will by then realize was Satan.
What our working-together-on-this-one villains of The Metatron and Satan haven't counted on is that the revolution they're trying to nip in the bud has actually already started. They have overlooked Uriel entirely and didn't anticipate that her response would be to side with Gabriel and help him and Beez over Heaven. They didn't count on Gabriel and Beez helping take care of Crowley. They didn't count on Muriel agreeing to help by giving the bookshop to the revolutionaries. They didn't count that it wouldn't take much for the rebelling angels and demons to get Furfur and his miracle blocking skills involved or Dagon and her Dark Council power on their side.
What our villains really haven't counted on is that Aziraphale is the bridge too far. The angel whose life taught all these other angels and demons how to live is going to be the one to break the system oppressing all of them by having inspired in his own struggles everyone to come together and fight Heaven and Hell for him.
What kind of fight, you say?
One of the Powell & Pressburger films referenced a bunch in S2 and playing on the tv in The Resurrectionist Pub behind Gabriel during the Ineffable Bureaucracy flashback is A Matter of Life and Death and I think a plot like this film is basically where The Finale is headed. You can see it on the tv here as Gabriel does the "Everyday" miracle:
The basic plot of that film centers around a trial where a man who has been outrunning a clerical mistake that caused him to live when he should have died fights to stay alive on Earth to be with the woman he fell in love with. He was a RAF pilot during WW2 whose plane went down. He was supposed to die but a mistake had him live and he fell in love with the air traffic control operator he was talking to on his way down-- the character of June, whose look in the film is the inspiration for Crowley's look in the Before the Beginning scene.
Our hero in the film gets some help from someone who knows how to wrangle Heaven, launch a trial, and who acts as a defense lawyer-- something that I think sounds a lot like a perfect role for Gabriel.
There's also that we now have that we know that Gabriel knows for sure about the body swap in S1 which means he knows that, technically, Aziraphale did get a trial because that's really who Hell put on trial. We had the scene of a drunk Crowley telling Jim this in S2 to show us that Gabriel knows beyond a shadow of doubt that Aziraphale kind of already had a trial so that we can appreciate it when he then lies his ass off to The Metatron for his friends and claims they never gave Aziraphale a trial. š
Trials are a big thing in Good Omens' Heaven & Hell and in its finales in both seasons so far... even if they've been sham trials so far... but there's one of our main characters who hasn't gotten one yet, right?
Gabriel's trial was shown in the S2 finale and, back in S1, Hell gave whom they thought was Crowley a trial. However, Heaven never actually gave who they thought was Aziraphale a trial in S1 and they won't before sending him to Hell at the start of The Finale, either.
Gabriel and Beez know how to work the system and I think that they are going to lead an effort to challenge Aziraphale's status as a demon by filing a challenge to it that forces Heaven to give Aziraphale a trial. (Aziraphale is going to insist as this goes on that he goes nowhere without Crowley and it might result in them both being on trial.)
What will really be on trial, though, is the system of Heaven/Hell itself because, if our characters can win the trial, it will mean that they have proven that Heaven isn't infallible in their assessment. That would collapse Heaven and Hell because all the demons would challenge their own statuses and all the angels would realize that Heaven can make mistakes and this is all bullshit, which is likely what happens when all is said and done.
One part of the film is that one of the lawyers also demands a trial by jury with a diverse jury pool to ensure a fair trial, which would be very different from what we've seen happen with the characters in Good Omens so far. It would have to happen in The Finale for this plot to exist.
I think one of the results of the trial is that this group of angels and demons challenging Heaven here wind up demanding that The Metatron produce God and exposing him as a fraud when it's revealed that he can't, actually, because he doesn't speak for God and all of Heaven and Hell is a sham.
Satan figured it out long ago but cut a deal with The Metatron to stay quiet in exchange for having his own kingdom down there in Hell. The two of them are in a bit of a mutually-assured destruction pact where they co-exist to use the threats of one another to control the angels and demons they're oppressing.
When the trial leads to the overthrowing of The Metatron, the demise of Satan might be an actual battle of sorts but the end result is that both of them will be gone by the end and the angels and demons will be set up to form an united, more democratic form of government. The threat of Armageddon will be over, allowing for Crowley and Aziraphale to South Downs Cottage it in peace.
That's how Aziraphale's fall can be the thing that brings down the whole house of cards... as S2 seemed to possibly be suggesting:
#good omens#ineffable husbands#crowley#aziraphale#aziracrow#the archangel fucking gabriel#ineffable bureaucracy#good omens speculation#good omens theory#good omens finale
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a little kate laswell x gn!reader drabble
-> insecurity, anxiety, hurt/comfort, relationship worries, OCD, sooooo self indulgent lmao, self-hatred, therapy, compulsive behaviors, ableist language used towards self, shame, this is literally nothing and theres no real ending so mb <3
You've been working on it. You have. The anxiety; the fear of abandonment. Kate leaves so often she's probably gone almost half the year, anyway. Your relationship isn't exactly built on physical closeness, and as the years go by you feel more and more secure.
She fits, you fit, your cat Cheddar fits. The house fits, even though it sometimes feels too big when she's gone and you're still a little afraid of being home alone.
Security's tight, babe, she's assured you a dozen times. Locks, alarms, the whole nine yards. Everything works. You're usually close to sure about that.
So, youāve worked on recognizing which feelings are rooted in reality, and which feelings sometimes come from insecurity, or jealousy.
Sometimes, it's fear. That old braying beast in your head, muddling up reality (Kate loves you) with unreality (she hates you, your life is a lie).
You know where it comes from, but that doesn't always help. On the bad days, it even makes it worse. Something is wrong with you, really really wrong. Irredeemably wrong.
Kate's been on an op three months. Longer than usual, but you've been through it a couple times. It's a serious one, so you haven't even gotten more than the odd phone call maybe once every week and a half.
Which fucking sucks normally, but its worse when you can't seem to shake the voice in your head that says she's found someone else, that she's delaying coming home because she's sick of you.
You do have a small laugh at the one that tells you she's got a secret family ā even in the state you're in that's a ridiculous thought.
Still, it doesnāt break you from your worries. You begin backsliding. Your hands chafe from washing them, your water bill climbs and climbs and climbs as a result of your compulsive showering.
Am I too dirty? You think. You feel dirty. Contaminated. Maybe thatās why she doesnāt like you anymore, doesnāt love you. Maybe it just wasnāt meant to be, not with your insanity.
This is the cycle.
Someone will break in. You check the locks an even number of times. But did you? Okay, shower to āsetā the locks now, or someone really will break in. Donāt think of Kate. She hates you. Oh, hey Cheddar. Good boy. Did you lock the doors?
Youāre exhausted. You lose track of the days, working robotically at your computer, burning your nose with the scent of bleach wipes. Thereās not even any real cleaning, just you compulsively wiping the same four surfaces over and over.
When the wood starts showing a little damage from the incessant wiping, you cry in the fourth shower of the day.
You lose track so badly that youāre in bed rotting when Kate gets home.
The door opens, and your heart drops with fear ā fuck, itās happening. Then you check your phone and deflate. Fuck, you think again, for a different reason.
āBaby?ā Kateās voice is clear in the empty house. It makes you think of all the dust laying around, about how you usually tidy before she arrives.
You pull the cover over your face. Shame burns your face, injects lead into your muscles.
āYou home?ā she calls again. Cheddar meows, probably at her feet.
Thatās how she finds you. Prone, upset, eyes burning.
āOh, baby,ā she murmurs. Her weight makes you dip towards her when she crawls on the bed. āBad day?ā
You pull the blanket down.
āIām sorry,ā you say. āI meant to clean the house for you, and cook you somethingāā
āHey,ā she puts a finger to your lips, slipping in beside you to cradle one cheek in her rough palm, body pressed to yours.
You canāt help but lean into it despite feeling wretched, despite feeling like youāve dirtied everything around you lately.
āI donāt need any of that, honey. I appreciate it, but Iām really just excited to see you,ā she presses her mouth to your jaw. Not to entice, but to breathe you in, to feel you for the first time in months.
āBut itās awful,ā you mumble. āItās dusty, dirty, disgustingāā
She stops you again.
āHey now, it looks fine to me,ā then a frown. āHow long have you been feeling like this?ā
āI donāt know,ā you admit. Itās the truth.
āHave you called Dr. Klein?ā
āNo,ā finally, a tear slips down your temple. Youāre confused, and angry about these feelings; why now? Why when youāve recovered?
Kate tuts, wiping at your tear with a thumb. She climbs halfway on top of you, looking down at your face. She looks tired, which makes you feel even guiltier.
āGod, Iām sorry. You shouldnāt have to deal with this when youāve just gotten back.ā
Her frown deepens.
āBaby,ā she starts. āWe take care of each other, remember? What have we talked about?ā
āAsking for help is okay,ā you murmur. Thatās one of the worst parts about this thing you have, the obsessions. They dress themselves up as the world's worst taboos. Speak them aloud and make them not only come true, but alienate everyone around you. In high school, youād hardly spoken for fear of accidentally revealing your anxiety.
That in and of itself had been a years-long journey to heal in therapy. With Dr. Klein, with Kate, with yourself.
āThink we better set up an appointment, huh?ā she says, and thereās no judgment in her voice, no sign of hatred.
āYeah,ā you whisper. You tilt your head towards her, and feel her nose against yours.
āI missed you,ā she says, breath mingling with yours.
āI missed you too,ā you say back.
#drgnfly writes#cw mental illness#kate come cradle my face pls#can you tell i made myself an appointment#aha#kate laswell x reader#cod x reader
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Archetypes quiz | Niesal edition!
50% Intellectual: The Intellectual is the ultimate dinner-party guest. Engaging questions and thoughtful debate are their trademarks.
25% Caregiver: Friendly, sincere, and compassionate, the Caregiver finds their reward in helping others. No one could ask for a better best friend.
25% Visionary: Leave it to others to live by the status quo. The Visionary is interested in new ways of seeing, solutions not yet imagined, products not yet built.
#[Niesal -headcanons-]#Honestly out of any of the muses#I retook this the most times for Nesa#because nothing I was getting seemed to really fit#and even this feels a little wrong#but I think it's less in the sense that it's not fitting for them#and more that they hide a lot of things about themself that isn't just...really surface level stuff from a lot of people#so the Caregiver and Visionary thing is something that is a little more...I don't know if vulnerable is exactly right#but definitely something that they're more uncomfortable with showing people
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so. uh. Wild Life finale huh
#wild life spoilers#life series spoilers#uhhhh okay wait i need to ramble a bit more here first to then get into the finale stuff#because. im putting my thoughts and spoilers in the tags#so fun fact i waited for 3 hours avoiding spoilers for Pearlās pov to then find out itās getting posted tmr#so. those were 3 insanity inducing hours#anyway. so uh. what the fuck was that#it was wild. ill give it that. it was wild and nothing else#the winner seemed fitting the final battle IS wild but. okay? i dont. what arcs actually got resolved here#that just didnt feel like a proper ending yknow??? i know its improv and all that and none of it is planned but. i can at least say that i#feel like the wild card mechanic as a whole was too intrusive for a life series gimmick#and as a result none of the established arcs/plots/relationships can get a somewhat satisfying conclusion. because oh wowie theres a fucking#snail chasing me again. oh theres vexes everywhere oh wow hey uh Gem i know we havenāt really come to any meaningful end to this fight weāve#been having all season but can you help me with a trivia question. oh oopsies you died to a vex. oh well#so those are my. initial thoughts#Scott getting permakilled by a shot meant for Joel was awesome though 10/10#mcyt
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all i have been able to think about today is that silly little knife game where you stab the spots between your fingers and try not to hurt yourself and how that silly little game is SO horrorkiller. i cant explain it it bothers me so much that i cant explain it but it just does its so them
they play it when theyre bored. because when in doubt bodily mutilation and the risk of hurt and pain is always an appealing one. and when i mean they i just mean killer because horror wouldn't wanna just hurt himself on the fly like that for funsies. he likes to see others hurt because hahaha FINALLY some damn entertainment!!! but hurting himself???? nononnno hes already got enough body pain as it is oh and killer has already grabbed his hand and started playing (and now horror can't back out because killer's got him sucked in the game)
they sing the silly little song. horror has all his fingers the knife goes chop chop chop if killer misses the spaces in between horror's fingers will come off! and they are both enraptured and both captured in this childishly morbid game. it's so anticipatory because they both know its all up to killer to decide if horror gets hurt. hes more than precise enough to keep the game going for hours long without ever hitting horror but would he want to keep it going for that long? horror doesn't know how long killer would want to wait before getting to see him react to getting hurt
and killer does eventually do it even after theyre sung the song over and over countless times and tried different harmonies and finally killer decides to end this little song and dance and stab into horror's hand. maybe he decides to do a finger. maybe the palm if he really wants to piss horror up. its sudden its surprising and GODDAMN is it painful!!!! horror's trying not to show it but with all the sweat and the way his fingers are twitching killer can see that it hurts him. it's a bit amusing :3
and then horror grabs the knife from killer and they do it all over again but this time horror's the one doing the stabbing. he's not as precise as killer. he hits him a lot more than killer hit him but goddamn it he is in PAIN and wants to let it out because hes annoying and irritated and goddamnit would killer just stop looking at him with that blank smile while he's bleeding out from his hand???? yeah horror's pissy
horror's annoyed and trying to get some form of petty revenge on killer (he likes it when he finally manages to get that stupid smile to falter just a little bit) and killer's watching horror desperately try not to just stab the knife through his oh so very exposed soul that he could very easily hurt if he really wanted to hurt killer. anyways the game finally ends when either one or both of them get bored! but thats fine!!! killer will get bored again and horror will end up escalating it to a messier point than it was before and the only thing that'll get hurt is the surface that they use to stab between fingers. oh and eachother of course :p
#just know that this was based solely off vibes going on in my head#none of this makes sense at all and i have no idea how to express what im thinking but DAMMIT i know what im talking about!!!!!#two sadists walk into a room. one of them enjoys pain one of them doesnt. they make out (horrorkiller)#i just really think theyre neat. it would be sweet to hear them sing that song. it fits them so well#horrorkiller has the knife game. kist has russian roulette. what does horrordust have#what homoerotic dangerously reckless game could horrordust play??? i dont particularly know..........#i remember playing this game when i was younger except i used a pencil. because i dont wanna fucking stab myself????#the song starts off by mentioning that they get drunk first which like. yeah that seems right#horror would start the game if he were first that way he'd get first turn and then get whiny when killer does it back#the knife goes chop chop chop NO IT DOESNT SILLY! the knife cuts the axe chops :3#horror's voice is all shaky and unstable from the anger and pain while killer's is smooth and calm despite him being hurt more#the dichotomy >>>> i love horrorkiller theyre my favorite mttduo!!!!#guy who feels too much and guy who doesnt feel enough. guy who tries to feel nothing is also there but this isnt about dust ok#cringe stuff i removed from the post: horrorkiller holding their mangled hands together while they play this game#the red and black of their blood mix together and drips on the floor from their ruined hands :3 so sweet..........#because horror needs a thing to squeeze while trying to pretend that killer stabbing through his fucking wrist doesnt hurt š#dust knows exactly what game they played the night before when horror starts wearing full gloves. and killer ditches his fingerless ones :3#kiiiillllerrrr stop showing off your stab wounds from your buddy thats not family friendly nor is it straight šššš#tricule hc#killer sans#horror sans#dust sans#murder time trio#he's MENTIONED (like always. if the 3rd member of the trio wasn't mentioned in tags who would i be)#sans au#utmv#horrorkiller#horrorkiller nation (grand total of 5 people) cmere pspsspspspspsps#1/10 DONE for christmas uaagahhh. why did i tag this hrkl when technically all of my posts could be seen as mttpoly anywausLMAO im so tired#off to do the other 9/10 posts i have to finish.....hahahahaah iM SO TIRED WEARE STILL NOT OPENING GIFTS YET WTF PLEASE I WONT STAY AWAKE
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I am once again having a sexuality crisis (read: wondering if Iām a lesbian or just have been stuck in my hometown for too long yet again and therefore havenāt seen a man who doesnāt look vaguely like a fish in years)
#hereās the problem as i understand it#i have had romantic feelings for several men and i also find quite a lot of men attractive#i donāt know if itās just because i feel more comfortable feeling and displaying attraction to men because itās what society expects#or if this is something that is actually genuinely coming from me#and at this point i overthink it so much i would really never know if itās organic or not#what i DO know is i am not sexually attracted to men at all. when iāve hooked up with men they do nothing for me#i can conjure up the perfect man in my mind; fantasise about him and nothing happens#this does not happen to me with women#i feel like iāve been romantically attracted to way less women than men but also physically and sexually attracted to women a lot more ofte#and again ā i donāt know if this is society & my own psychology messing with my sense of attraction#because obviously female nudity and sexualisation is all over the place all of the time#when i was younger i actually just thought women were objectively more attractive than men and that everyone thought that lol#i thought my friends were exaggerating when they said they wanted to kiss or have sex with men#i still to some degree think that. like itās hard for me to imagine being enthusiastic about sex with a man#but can i imagine being in love with one? ehhhhhhā¦ probably#see but what is the POINT if iād never want to have sex with him? i know asexuals exist but iām not one#iād be setting myself up for an unsatisfying sex life#so it seems to make more sense to me to take the overall concept of dating men off the table since itās not productive and canāt satisfy me#but then what if i fall in love with one anyway. what then. thatād be just my luck#no label ever seems to fit what i have going on with me and i donāt know if thatās because the main thing thatās going on is my head isnāt#screwed on right and i overthink and pathologise every experience i have#canāt even have a crush without wondering if iām just doing it to get some excitement in my life#iām not even sure any of it exists. maybe i should just declare myself aroace to give everyone else some peace#personal
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!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#A great episode tbh especially given the low budget. I feel like they really did their very best#And even though what I'm going to say next is probably going to be all critic - because I nitpick things and that's what I always end upā#talking about - I still want to underline that it was a very solid and enjoyable episode!!!#Alright the ss/kk was so ššš every scene I had to rewatch twice or thrice akhscbashfb they're so cute!!!#Except for the riding scene tho. That scene gives me massive second hand embarrassment every time I just wish it will end as fast asā#possible pffttt. Mmmmhhh... The drawings weren't even too bad all accounted. My main complain is about the quicksand scene...#I feel like that one should be a slow quiet emotional scene. I never licked the choice of using the song as background soundtrack :/#I feel like it ruins the mood of the scene (it was still good though)#I also... Generally don't like the direction they seem to go for with Akutagawa's character in the animeā he seems quite a bit flatterā#compared to how he is in the manga. He can't be angry and evil ALL the time you need to show that softness get through from time to time.#If not what even is the point of his character. Yet in the anime he's angry (and not distraught) when he loses the mine craft and he'sā#angry when he's questioning Atsushi about his motifs and he's angry when he's bragging about Atsushi's abilities to Goncharov and he'sā#angry when he makes the promise with Atsushi at the end of the episode and eventually he'll be just as angry even when telling Atsushiā#to run away as he's sacrificing his life for him. It is pretty flat at the end of the day.#If I can say something about K/ensho Ono without being killed I think they do contribute to making him feel angry all the time.#But that said it's all probably poor directing choices (or simply choices I don't agree with).#Alsoā about cuts. Usually I try to be lenient about itā I understand it's hard to fit in everything and b/sd already does a veryā#good job by adapting the manga almost panel-by panel. It's just that... You skip Akutagawa showing compassion for Atsushi after theā#orphanage director died. You skip Atsushi sharing the same compassion when Akutagawa loses his targed in the mines chase. You skip theā#āNothing special about that. // I suppose he's far crueler than my own mentor.ā line. And sure each of them may be negligible by their own#But together they wave a consistent web of relationship between the two characters you know? And it's a loss to omit them all#Well no mind. Again it was still a great episode overall!!!!#I think the colors in the mines could have been prettier in the mines but we can't have it all#Off to season 4!!! Omg I can't believe we got this far :DDD#random rambles#FINALLY was able to catch up in time for the season 3 finale!!!!!!
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Yesterday I've been doing some proper physical exercise for the first time since last year and I'm just imagining how proud my f/os would be of meš„¹
#it was just a 20 minute beginners home workout and I can feel every muscle in my body now but I think they'd be so happy I pushed through!#I've had particularly Heinz and Maximilian on my mind I think they would be sooo happy that I'm trying to take better care of myselfš#Heinz because he's always there anyway of course but I kind of imagine Max is probably overall the fittest out of my f/os#he seems like the kind of guy who'd want to be an example for his soldiers and always hold himself to the same standards as them#he'd be so supportive and cheer me on and be proud of me every time I get myself to do somethingššš#I've never particularly enjoyed doing sports (aside horse riding but in the past year I didn't have time anymore for that bc of unišš)#so I didn't really do anything anymore after I finished school#I started doing simple home workouts last year but in winter my mental health went a littleš and then I had no motivation to keep going#dunno how long I'll go through with it this time but better than nothing I guess#again with the home workouts lmao bc driving to the nearest gym ain't worth the time for me and I'd need some basic fitness first anyway#I'm doing it mainly for health reasons but this time I'm also motivated to actually get a bit stronger#I don't mind looking like a stick figure and I'm overall content with my body (maybe it could help me to look a bit more masc tho?šš)#but I know especially for my posture and such it would be good if my muscles were just a tad bit more developed#my mum was proud of me too when I told her about it hehe :) she works in healthcare she's always a little concerned#she's just a little worried about me getting health issues when I'm older that could be avoided by taking proper care of my body now#I get where she's coming from but it's not easy but at least I'm motivated to try again now :)#selnia talks
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I have Got to get more transgender
#100% ŃŠµŠŗŃŠµŃŠ½ŃŠ¹ Š“Š½ŠµŠ²Š½ŠøŠŗ Š»ŠµŠ²Ń ŠŠ Š§ŠŠ¢ŠŠ#transmasc#trans ftm#transgender#i like 2 say i'm very trans already but unforch i am Not Really. mostly boring ftm Guy Ever#so tempted to cut my hair again but my sense of what i look like is already so fuzzy i dont think it'd help..#want to dye my hair anyways. at this point i'd take whatever color i can get if not purple LOL#it's almost everything i could want and yet ... still me. still the same life. stuck.#soooo high functioning like you wouldnt believe EXCEPT istg i need an emotional support human who will guide me through tasks#such as 'pay with your Moneys Card at the Store'#or... idk that's it really. maybe go grocery shopping without feeling like i'm not meant to be there also#or like. exist in general maybe#reasons why not emotional support Animal: creature cannot understand capitalism. and also is not as necessary as a service dog specifically#idk! every time i come on here i fall apart (in text) and then pull myself back together for another day of ... this i guess.#i'm not even having like crying breakdowns or anything to go along with it i'm just held inside this shell of a body. typing away again#i'm soso tempted to make things worse. progress wouldn't matter anymore... at least maybe it would feel real that i'm like this#i wish my face fit on my body right. and also that i did not look quite so much like a vaguely gnc lesbian#like at LEAST let me look butch as hell but no. curse of sad hair & uncertainty#miss my little mullety thing from that brief period in october... miss my short hair from back in 2017 ...#just dont feel satisfied with what i am now. in general.#top surgery is literally Within my reach but i'm not sure about cost and i need to wait because of doing guard now......#my list of do i want t i kept for the past month turned out to be a bunch of maybes#partially cause i got sick. partially cause it stopped being shark week and i forgot about it#as always happens...#still unsure in my new(er) name. only heard it once#didn't feel the same way as with my old one? but idk. just don't know.#missing guard also but feeling conflicted about not having time for other hobbies...#since winter season is over i've had so much time to play guitar! that's insane! mostly cause i stopped playing for unrelated reasons...#just tired again. wonder if i need more sleep than what i always get. kind of restless.#there's nothing else to say i guess. just wish i could be a person the way everyone else seems to be.
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the urge to 'come out' as a dream stan on my phan tumblr account grows and grows every day and watch as the (likely) antis who follow/interact with me either unfollow or hardblock me never to be seen again
#oh god its so WEIRD i keep getting ppl with dream stans dni in their bio or smth following and interacting with me#or ppl who post/rb dream neg or rb that one clip of dan and act as if its 'dream slander' when its the most tame joke in the world#i mean its a nothing burger of nothingness even i would make a joke like that. i even got happy and was like ooh dream acknowledgement.#this keeps happening even though i have every word related to dream blacklisted. i even had to blacklist dnf because of one fucking idiot#idk what to do help me. do i need a disclaimer saying trigger warning massive dream stan if that bothers you block and fuck off. idfk#ghost woes#i'm really sorry to complain about this so much š im just sick of being jumpscared over and over in my only safe space#which i should rename bc safe doesn't seem to fit so well anymore. oh well
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What's with all the "Them and Us" stuff I mean. I thought the whole point of this acceptance stuff is realising that despite all the little differences everyone is still kind of similar in the way that they should be granted at least the basic but of respect everyone deserves? Call me naĆÆve and childish but isn't the point of all this to Not have the clear distinction between people who are slightly different? Isn't the whole point to Not have a "Them" and an "Us"?
#been doing a lot of national socialism in history again and idk#something about the goebbels speeches man#i know i know insane comparison but there everything also started with establishing a ''Them'' against a ''We''#that was like half of the ideology you know?#and I don't like seeing stuff like that these days because it's so stupid and actually seems more harmful in the long run#if thid makes sense#now you feel good because you have your bubble of other...idk. socially acceptable level of mentally ill people for example#and you're in this community with people who understand you so obviously you don't want to leave#and thats fine#i just always think it's a bit stranhe when it starts sounding like... you know#there's a lot of memes juxtaposing a very specific symptom of a disorder or something with just ''non mentally ill people'' for example#and I get it its a silly little joke#but words do something and if it's this ''oh they'll never understand they're just not X enough'' it just#i really really can't explain it well but it just rubs me the wrong way#is this silly?#it feels a little silly#maybe I just have too much Nazi ideology in my head but it's this pattern of infighting and the growing comfort with being rude or outright#mean online and the splintering in more and more groups with little sub groups and nobody actually seems to take a step back and look at the#larger picture#because they're all content in their little groups of people who are exactly like them#I'm not even saying I'm exempt from this who knows maybe I am also like that#but I don't really like half the people i see every day and I always feel a little like i don't fit in because with most of them I don't#but I don't really think thats a bad thing because how boring would it be to be surrounded by people who think just like i do#nothing new can come of that after a while no?#I'm sleepy i don't know if I make any sense but I've just been marinating on it a tad...
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in other news, it seems like i'm still incapable of watching the "there's some good in this world mr frodo" scene without crying
#like man. as a kid i loved lotr because its just a rlly good story. but as an adult i really Feel It in my gut if that makes sense.#just the despair and hopelessness at the state of the world and the feeling that nothing you do can really change things. i get that.#anyway spot the GTI enjoyer. (seems fitting that i have a lotr tattoo AND a GTI tattoo lmaoo)#blah blah blah#lotr tag
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something i think some people donāt understand is that everyone has different things that happen to them in their life!!! just because something isnāt emotional to you doesnāt mean you should try and tell people who did find it emotional itās not!!!! people have lived beyond who you know in person!!!!!
#i saw a barbie post and it reminded me of this#like this is so fucking simple and some people do not get it#i bawled my eyes out at the end of the barbie movie because it took me back when i was younger and i really connected with it#but my friends (who i went to see it with) didnāt cry at it or find it emotional and have since tried to convince me it wasnāt sad#you donāt know why i cried at it!! you donāt get it!#and when i try to tell them āyou donāt get it because weāve had different livesā they say thereās nothing to get because itās not sad#they donāt get it because they havenāt had my particular experience - the same way i havenāt had theirs#i donāt know how difficult it is to not discredit someoneās emotions but it canāt be that hard#the barbie movie is really important and special to me as someone who struggles with identity#my friends donāt know this so i canāt blame them for that but the point still stands#the age old thing you are taught when you are literally a young child is that you donāt know what people are going through so be respectful#but they and other people donāt seem to understand that despite being well older than a young child#you have no idea why i find it sad. let me find it sad and move on with your life.#particularly two of them seem to try and cement this point that the film and the billie eilish song (which i literally cannot listen to)#arenāt sad#it really does irritate me because any possibility i get to say somethingās sadness can be entirely subjective in some cases i am dismissed#these people are girls. they played with barbies. and still i can bet every one of us associates different things to when they played with#barbies. they do not get that.#i canāt really describe my relationship with the barbie movie properly and maybe itās just me having a fit about it but it is so so persona#to me.#sorry for the rant.#barbie movie#barbie 2023#zad talks
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