#because no one is infallible

[1stthingsfirst]

Coming back to this post much later because I can't stop thinking about it.

For context: I have been the Mew and the Sand (aka grew up around addiction), have my own mental illnesses (not addiction), and have some training in trauma-informed care. If anyone has any questions about or issues with my wording, please don't hesitate to tell me!

I love seeing the parallels spelled out and I mostly agree, but I do think folks have romanticized Sand to fit a narrative that isn't fully supported by the text.

We know that Ray's mother's death was related to her alcoholism, Ray struggles with alcoholism, and he uses/abuses drugs. We also know that San makes and sells his own alcohol, he works in a bar, his mother runs a gogo bar, and his social life revolves around drinking. That's already not a great set-up.

Sand genuinely likes Ray and he's willing to go through more than Mew. That means a lot! However, I'd presume that much of the difference in their approaches stems from how long they've known Ray, not from Sand being an inherently better, more patient, or more understanding person. It's very easy to say that Mew treats Ray like he's a burden (and at times he does), but we also haven't seen the years of shared history. The years of Ray drinking too much and bringing drugs places he could get himself and his friends in trouble and Mew planning rides for Ray so he doesn't drive drunk.

I don't blame Ray! Well, except for drunk driving. Addiction is, in part:

not a moral or behavioral failing

a mental illness (Substance Use Disorder, per the DSM-5)

often comorbid with depression and PTSD (i'm not a psychologist but i think it's safe to assume Ray has one or both) (comorbidity often results in increased severity of symptoms and lower responsiveness to treatment)

partially hereditary

significantly more common among LGBTQ+ folks

even harder to accept when you're young and think you're just partying like other people your age, and

not your fault.

This doesn't mean that one's behavior and actions resulting from addiction are immune from criticism, but it does provide an explanation for that behavior and allows me to empathize better.

I do blame Mew and co. for regularly going to bars with a friend who they think drinks too much. I intentionally didn't say "who is an alcoholic" here because I'm unsure if they would say that. We just know Mew thinks Ray drinks too much/often, so I'm purposely being broad. However, I also don't blame Mew for being tired of Ray's behavior.

It's easy as an outsider to wonder why they're still friends. Why Mew isn't kinder or why he gets exasperated, especially knowing about Ray's struggles. But Mew has dealt with Ray's behavior for at least two years, and likely their entire friendship if we consider his initial response to Ray's suicidal phone call. It's not empathetic or trauma-informed, but it is human to be tired. It's exhausting to try to help someone who won't change. It can be exhausting just to witness.

There has been a lot of meta on Sand's role as caregiver and I truly believe that he may have a higher tolerance than Mew. That said, I can't help but wonder if Sand would act any differently if he had known Ray as long as Mew has. Compassion fatigue is real, and it's caused by repeated exposure. We're witnessing Mew's compassion fatigue. Sand has had much less exposure.

(Editing while this post is in the queue to clarify that, like how I said that addiction is an explanation but not an excuse for Ray's behavior, compassion fatigue is an explanation for Mew's behavior towards Ray, not an excuse. He should be more empathetic and considerate of Ray's feelings, but I get why he isn't. That's the point I was trying to make.)

Sand's approach to Ray is definitely kinder, less judgmental, and more mature than Mew's and his life experiences do make him better equipped to support Ray, but Sand also stumbles:

Sand does (try to) prevent Ray from driving drunk but I'd argue that's more about public safety than it is about Ray himself.

Even after Ray shares that his mom died due to alcoholism, they spend the night taking shots and eating edibles.

After the car accident, Sand doesn't say, "You need to stop drinking." He says, "You need to stop drinking until you're fully recovered." That is, Ray can drink, just not right away. Could it be Sand's way of trying to address Ray's alcoholism? Yes. Does it address Ray's alcoholism? No.

Folks talk a lot about how Ray needs to change his behavior and seek out help before he can be good for Sand. That's true. But Sand may also need to make changes before he can be good for Ray in the long term. Sand's current life/lifestyle is likely incompatible with Ray's sobriety. If we want them to be together and be good for each other, they both need to change.

something something mew keeps ray as the burden/problem he believes himself to be something something sand is trying to help him heal/protect him (x)

bonus - ray can't leave the past/trauma behind him to be happy because it has such a hold on him but maybe in the future

[tech-two]

My favorite Techza headcanon is Phil realized he was in love the moment Technoblade got anviled

[crookedfivefingers]

3.13 | ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ʟᴏʀᴅꜱ

link to the post I accidentally wound up prattling endlessly about in the tags 💀

[clanborn]

I havent read warrior cats in like 7 years

Whats even happening at this point? I couldn't tell you.

I really enjoy your art tho :>

Trying to explain it beyond “the same old cat soap opera shenanigans” would take multiple in depth powerpoints. But thank you! Flattered that you enjoy my art regardless

[doxytoy]

Trans women are like the backbone of Tumblr’s nsft community. Not just in the sexual sense, but in creating welcoming environments with clear communication. They talk about their interests. reblog art, share important info about kink safety. and help carve out a safe space for other trans people to explore their sexuality in a safe environment where they don’t have to worry that their attraction is predatory or “too weird”. It’s wonderful seeing trans women so present and comfortable sharing their desires here!

Thank you Trans Women 💗

[thegreatyin]

Is the Scoundrel not afraid of Fingerking possession?

okay see that's the thing. to be afraid would require that they actively think about it as a thing that could potentially happen to them in the first place. and the thing is that they, uh, well,

they don't.

[milkmynk]

Munto, small HC

Quick sketch...

The night all of the Heavenly Realm celebrated the return of the cycle of Akuto, Munto slipped away from the celebrations

Yumemi found him in his throne room, standing in darkness, gazing out at the twinkling lights and fireworks (precious Akuto being spent, an unthinkable extravagance just a few days before) in the distance of the ongoing celebrations

He looks tired but his eyes soften as she steps over to him. She can tell that he doesn’t wish to talk, and truth be told, neither did she

They stand together in comfortable silence for a while, before she glances up at him and sees tears spilling silently down his cheeks

Nearly all his life, he had been walking a tightrope of despair

Teetering between having to be strong for his people, honoring his parents by bearing the duty he had been born to shoulder, fulfilling his destiny as the one to save them all…

All the while frustrated by his weakness, hiding his powerlessness behind a veneer of authority, praying that somehow, some way, he wouldn’t fail his people, his loved ones, his parents.

Things were far from over, there were a million things left to do

But for now, he could finally have a moment of respite

True rest, without imminent destruction snapping at his heels

Yumemi has seen his memories, felt his fears as her own

She hesitates before reaching out and sliding her hand into his

Slowly, almost as though he were in a trance, he turned his head to look at her

Before gradually taking her into his arms and burying his face in her hair

She can feel wetness on her scalp

All of a sudden, he sags onto her as complete exhaustion overtakes him, his full weight bearing down on her petite form

She startles and calls his name in alarm

He manages to rouse slightly, slurring reassurances as she helps him to his throne

She's about to pull away, promising to find help, but he grips her wrist and effortlessly hauls her into his lap

She lets out a squeak, but he simply cradles her in his arms and lets his cheek lay against the top of her head, breathing her in

"... Stay. Just... stay."

It was more plea than request

She's rigid in his arms for a moment, then relaxes cautiously.

"... Okay."

Munto promptly blacks out into a long, dreamless sleep, into which Yumemi follows him not long after

[humbuns]

mammon admitting he was no thoughts head empty when he followed lucifer still haunts me and its only been like,, a week

I know 💀💀💀 There's also the fact that Levi/Asmo somewhat admitted that they finalized their decision based on how they felt about Lucifer, despite being hesitant/opposed to it and that was sorta unexpected to me

[chainsawworld]

Imalways so torn up between letting myself feel negative emotions besides anger cause I never do and being like wellllllll... it IS nearly 9 so really none of these are Real emotions so what's the point?

[pochapal]

I am also enjoying seeing you think something and going "this is going to pay off big time in like five years"

it's all about the long term gains over here on this umineko liveblog (read: i do not know what will/won't be relevant so i pay obsessive attention to every detail and hope at least some of what i am rotating in my mind sticks)

[toshidou]

Just in case what I posted got cut off with a long note, I'm posting it separately too.

Please, please, please do not be silent about what is happening in Palestine. If you are in America, call your local councillors, spam call the white house, share posts of what's happening, speak on this, do not be silent. We cannot afford to be quiet when the governments of this world are allowing a mass ethnic cleaning to happen in broad fucking daylight.

Israel have just bombed Gaza's communication network. They can no longer reach anyone from inside or outside their prison. If Israel was so bold to openly carpet bomb them for all the world to see, what will they do when the world is blind to their actions?

Do not forget the Palestinian people, scream their name and their cause from the rooftops, demand your governments call a ceasefire, do not let them forget that every single life taken in Palestine is on their heads, that their hands are irrevocably stained with their blood, that they snuffed out over 8,000 peoples hopes, dreams, and lives.

This does not need to be stated, but if you support what Israel is doing, if you are "remaining neutral", if you are claiming that you can't look or deal with what is happening, I urge you to educate yourself using the master list link here. Nothing is more important than stopping Israel and holding them fully accountable for their mass and disgusting, putrid, vile war crimes.

If this is something you refuse to change your stance on, you are a reprehensible idiot and a supporter of genocide.

[lostryu]

hi! this is probably really repetitive but the lesbophobia all over the place has crawled deeper into my skin than before. I’m literally being dogpiled daily on twitter for replying to some idiots that, yes, bi “lesbianism” is very (blank)phobic and promotes corrective rape ideology. It’s stupid but I actually get so much anxiety just reading these shitheads replies (that makes zero sense), I literally feel even further from the rest of the lgbt community than ever before. They’re like bringing out bullshit statistics on how “basically everyone is attracted in some cApAciTY to men.” I literally can’t take it anymore I hate this I’m fucking done, for months I’ve spoke to people with these views until I’m blue in the face, but they literally won’t stop. Some 33yo told me to “listen to qu*er elders and history!1,” as if any que*r elder, bi or lesbian, would support this bullcrap. Wtf are we gonna do if lesbian actually gets co-op’ed by the whole mspec lesbian stuff? Make a new label for them to take a couple years later? Right when I started to accept myself more as a lesbian I get involved in whatever the hell this is, thanks everyone.

Honestly, I recommend just blocking liberally. There is no point in interacting with people who wanna be stupid until the day they die. If it helps, I have gone to gay bars and spoken to other lesbians about this (they think its stupid) and friends of mine have spoken with the so-called q*eer elders and they also agree.

It is saddening that the 'elders' are only stepping stones for perpetuating oppression among lesbians and ultimately bi lesbians and other m-spec/mogai idiots don't care what happens to them outside of discourse. Why else are trailblazers like Emily Gwen still struggling under poverty?

[featherymainffins]

When I start having a panic attack about visiting my family I know it's time to go to sleep immediately no ifs no buts

[lightdancer1]

See the further irony is:

That in using 'Mall Goth Sauron' as the take on Dark Willow over 'misogynist has character randomly killed for LULZ' it also allows for greater accountability on the one hand and for Season 7 to thematically focus on repairing all this damage in the midst of facing an enemy of shadows reliant on lies to further itself. The only way to break the Druj is the absolute Truth in a very Zoroastrian sense. Characters don't get to neatly skip past accountability for their actions, and this would spiral over into further later seasons with the essential reality that in an otherwise lower-level setting this one random girl from California is a Dark Phoenix-tier reality warper and the most powerful person on the planet, or the universe.

And the questions of how that power could and should be employed on the one hand and that Willow is essentially a Doctor Strange type who beats up Gods and Eldritch Abominations for her regular line of work where her counterparts deal with the more 'street level' crises would in turn be the logical conclusion of where the show ends. She doesn't do as much physical fighting for the same reason that Stephen Strange never uses magic to go punch the Hulk in the face, her narrative role is ultimately that of Sorceress Supreme of Earth, with literally nobody in an ancient established war anticipating that this one random ginger from California was and is the new Sorceress Supreme and that if they had had such awareness the realities are that this power would and could have taken worse forms.

Unfortunately for the world, the reality too is that it is a shy computer geek who has a not at all subtle dark side and the usual teenage anxieties and insecurities given the equivalent of being able to reliably actually do things other people might dream of but can never do.

But again as long as Dawn Summers being a good thing is a narrative convention that's established memory magic is a poor choice to show the corrupting effects of reality-warping. It's a case of 'yes as established in canon all of this is true for that one season but then they decided to retcon it, so the fans are not obligated to care about it any more than the canon does about this itself.'

[tiberius-kirks]

I know someone said it already but it's truly insane to me how quickly gomens2 devolved fans into tjlc-levels of unwell

[starsonmarsy]

i need jobs to stop giving fucking personality tests it doesn't matter if i can do the job like i have autism and a personality disorder my personality has nothing to do with my capabilities to work i can fake it till i make it