#because it happens every once in a while
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“Foreigners out!
Foreigners out!
Germany for the Germans;"
Cool and what am I then?
Just some clown with a red passport
And the fear
That you will the do
The Thing
The Thing that I told everyone that you wouldn't do again
The Thing you promised to never let happen again
The Thing that haunted us all
(Or did it not haunt you too? Did you ever cared? Did you ever feared that it would happen again?)
#original poem#poetry#original poetry#pandoras poetry#pandoras poem#germany#german#deutschland#sylt video#das sylt video#fck afd#fuck afd#racism#xenophobia#my dad told me not to worry#because it happens every once in a while#but maybe just maybe papa#i fear not for new but rather for history repeating itself#the history book on the shelf#is always repeating itself#and that's the tragedy
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the haters are trying to get me to care about canon. they're trying to get me to only fuck with canon. newsflash you stupid bitch if you are in a fandom space you are consuming fanon. i don't CARE that it's canon that bruce wayne has hit his kids in canon. i make my own world where it's common fucking sense that heroes are good people who would not be abusers. "human flaw" this my ass that motherfucker drives a Batmobile and wears a Batsuit and throws around Batarangs. live in a suspended belief and have fun before you dry up and die a sad raisin of a being
#while i'm at it i am so fucking tired of power scaling#“ok these two characters in a fight” how about anything else for fucking once#these 2 characters but they both have to talk to each other while waiting for the train because they accidentally initiated conversation#these 2 characters but they find out they're cousins and are like “how tf did that happen”#these 2 characters but one of them just watched the other trip and fall at Walmart#like yeah sometimes it's annoying when fanon spaces completely misinterpret a character#but sometimes fanon is just more fun or makes MORE SENSE than a canon choice#and i would prefer reading or seeing that#guess what my guy the world is not black and white it has so many colors#open and use the eyeballs in your skull#unless you're like actually blind#then i guess feel every emotion all at once and that would describe a color#erinwantstowrite#dc#batman#robin#canon vs fanon
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Sometimes I wonder how I'm ever gonna be able to work on the other Spinch stories I have, I have so many ideas for things but only so much fixation power
#text#every once in a while ill doodle a character from one of my other stories but thats like It. so many of them are so underdeveloped#sparklecare and the cometverse (cometcare and DM) are like the only things ive managed to actualize to a solid continuous form#nightstars was Almost there but Things Happened and its not around anymore#i actually have a few series that havent even been publicly shared yet because i have so little for them#KG and SE and HNU are all sort of in a Void right now. i dont know how to revisit them#and stay connected#i guess the cometverse is easier because it has a foundation with the main comic which is where the most development exists#i just wish i had more time. the AUs are easier to actualize because theyre just For Fun#KG and SE and HNU are all Serious Stories that i would want to treat with the same level of chronological storytelling as main SC#those aren't just For Fun. the AUs are for fun so i can just do fuck all and do whatever i want and it doesnt matter how i do it#its so frustrating! so many things in the kittycorn mind so little time#sorry for long tags
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I cannot imagine being a Damian stan right now. You've got both Zdarsky's bullshit (where he clearly doesn't give a shit about your boy) and The Boy Wonder (where Juni Ba clearly gives so many shits about your boy) coming out on the same day. The whiplash must be insane. I hope y'all get some nice warm soup for your efforts jfc
#damian wayne#damian al ghul#damian al ghul wayne#batman#batfamily#for all of the issues that come with having Steph as your fave having too much wild shit happening at once is never one of them#btw I quite like The Boy Wonder Issue 1. wow shocker an artist and writer who I have liked everything they've ever done#has once again written something that I am enjoying with art that makes me want to be part of its world.#it's almost like Juni Ba is really freaking talented or something#like I have some problems with it but it seems like many of those are part of the point. Damian is learning that his siblings are more#three-dimensional than he realized and that is part of this 'coming of age' story merged with fairytale#so I can't be mad at the oversimplistic defining of Dick and Jason and Tim until the conclusion of the series. that might be the point.#I hope that the series will address Steph as a Robin but if not then frankly it's not an issue unique to this series.#I'll be annoyed and disappointed but ultimately roll with it like I am with Babsgirl being here. There's too much good stuff here to get#hung up on shit that seems to be almost an editorial mandate at this point. at least that's where I'm at.#I am also very sorry that Chip Zdarsky is massacring your boy. he has 'X (Tim for him) is the best Robin so everyone else must suck' diseas#where a writer really likes one specific Robin and in trying to uplift them demeans all of the other Robins. instead of like...just writing#for that one character only or alternatively not demeaning the other characters in order to make his blorbo look good#it's wild because I actually think his writing for Tim is pretty solid. but he's not writing a Tim series. he's writing a Batman series.#and if you are going to write a Batman series and include other Batfamily members you need to actually write them well.#instead of assigning them like 2 personality traits while Tim gets to be a whole character#I accept that behavior in fanfic where I have lesser standards because it's fucking free. not a comic run that wants me to pay#tens of dollars in order to understand what the fuck is going on. he's been going for a while now it's gotta be a lot of money.#I can buy Steelworks with that money. I can see John Henry and Natasha Irons in a trade. Fuck you Chip.#it's why it takes such a special person to write a good ensemble story/a good Batfamily story. you have to be good at writing a LOT#of different characters. which I don't think most people are. I sure as hell am not. I can write maybe 3 at a time confidently well.#and you also have to give all of them at least SOME love or else people will be upset that you aren't focusing on their fave#and also the writing as a whole will suffer. Chip Zdarsky is a pretty good Tim writer. I'd maybe read a Tim solo written by him.#I would not read a story focusing on multiple characters that I like written by Chip Zdarsky. because every character who isn't Tim#is at least a bit weak/inconsistent/out of character INCLUDING FUCKING BATMAN. THE NO. 1 GUY MOST ARE HERE FOR
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I'm one year older today, so I figured I gotta wrap a present or two~
.
..
...
... Wait...
... I got it backwards, didn't I...
... I'm supposed to be... uhh... the one opening gifts today...
... Oh, how incredibly silly of me...
Welp, I'm sure Ramattra doesn't mind~
#Borb's Scribbles#Overwatch#Ramattra#Unholy Abomination#rest in pepperonis my blog's rating#fr tho my bday is the time of year when i allow myself to be completely unhinged and self indulgent in art#bc may as well treat myself right?#my victim this year is our poor ramram#and i just so happened to be in the mood for something more... extreme... this time#i doodle sin every once in a while#tho it's been YEARS since i made sin that i would deem “finished art”#this is the first one of those i'm actually proud of#and HOT DAMN I did not realize just how much power i have in my hands-#shit i may just have to draw polished sin more often#because if i don't draw what i wanna see who will???#i have been disrespectfully staring at the other variants for way too long now-#...oh yeah did i mention there are rated e variants of this?#because OF COURSE there are#kinda wanna post them but tumblr would probably crucify me for showing robot schlong#welp ya'll just gonna have to live with that i guess lol#jk jk bear with me while i wrap my head around a website that allows this stuff to be posted-
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Okk. I don't want to compare or anything but I don't get the people who's getting mad on Korn Tonkla scenes saying they had more screen time? Or shit. I mean tbh, I am understanding the plot of the series better because of the two of them because they are somehow related to all of the events. And Tonkla's situation is...... he somehow senses the other timeline which I think is an important role. And also, Korn! Like what you've said he knows Dome is dead, and at the same time he's with his brother who ’saved’ Dome. Both of the characters are pivotal in the series.
Also, I think that they are more talked about because a Bas and Fuaiz couple was not expected in the series, and at the same time their plot line is really good as well as the build up of their characters. And I've seen more & more people are falling in love with Fuaiz & Bas (as an actor) in this series.
But somehow, I get them because the main couple is GreatTyme but why does it feel like they are becoming more of a side couple. Also saw people saying that their ’plot line’ or how they were introduced to eo /wasn't it./
Thank you for giving me the incentive to speak about this issue, anon. I'm going to do it now because the new episode will come out in a few hours and hopefully I won't have to do this ever again - which I honestly doubt but anyway. Since I haven't seen this type of discourse pop up on Tumblr (thank GOD), I'd like to inform everyone that over on Twitter, there have been massive complaints about Tonkla, aka Fuaiz, getting more screentime than the main characters, aka JesBible, to the point of people tagging BOC in posts and demanding they give them more scenes with TymeGreat - as if BOC can just pull footage they haven't filmed out of their ass or something. It got so bad that Sammon herself saw them and AGREED with these people, further explaining how it was important for some plot elements to be explored now, in order for the rest of the series to make sense. Now, with all due respect to her position as a screenwriter: she's factually wrong here. Someone on Twitter actually sat down and counted the minutes each character is on screen and came out with these results:
It's not in English, but I believe the results are clear: Tonkla doesn't even come close to Great's screentime. He's a little closer to Tyme's, but the main character is Great, so he's the one we should be looking at. Also, in case it hasn't been fucking obvious, Tonkla is an essential character in 4 Minutes, which is why we're getting many scenes with him. The reason I mentioned the actors is pretty self-explanatory - people are mad their favourite actors are shown a specific amount of time, giving space to other plot lines and characters, instead of being there for the whole episode, as if the point of 4 Minutes is the romance between Tyme and Great and nothing else. Meanwhile, Bible himself was laughing and clapping and enjoying the flashback scene between Korn and Tonkla when they had their first time, because Bible wanted to be part of a good production, which he is and he recognizes it. But no, God forbid we get more context over KornTonkla, which is one of the most important relationships in the show, which guides Tonkla's actions, which moves the fucking PLOT of the SHOW. I could give the benefit of the doubt to people being upset Tonkla was shown for not even half of episode 4, but I won't, and the reason for that is because I'm sick and fucking tired of people getting their panties in a twist because a character who loves getting fucked is actually getting fucked in almost every episode. Good for him honestly, even if it's making him worse. (I've already ranted about this whole thing here, I'm not going to repeat myself) I don't know how your social media feeds are like anon, but mine are flooded with BibleJes + GreatTyme content and I rarely see anything about KornTonkla or Bas and Fuaiz or anything of the sort, so I can't agree with you that they're more talked about than the main actors/characters. (That's not the case on Tumblr though: I have a very varied feed + my lovely anon asks which give me the chance to talk about my boys and I'm thankful for that.) And I'm sorry, anon, but I'm going to have to disagree with you in the end: Great and Tyme do NOT feel like the side couple at all. They are and they feel very much like the main couple and they've had multiple scenes together in every single episode so far (at the hospital, in Great's garage, at the park, at the university, at the arcade, inside Great's car, at the rooftop of the hospital, at the warehouse, inside the tent etc). We've gotten plenty of fucking content for them AND also BOC has made sure to give Bible and Jes the chance to do a million interviews together + magazine photoshoots, with only half of the show being done, so fans have zero fucking reason to complain about anything. That's all. Rant over.
#istg it feels like I've been blocking more people on the daily than when the scandal was happening#people are fucking horrible#and they don't realize at all that THE ACTORS CAN SEE THIS#Fuaiz can SEE people being unhinged about him having more than 2 minute cameos every episode#he has worked his ASS off for this role and it fucking shows#I get having favourites I do#but for the love of God if you only care about the shipping then go make edits and watch your faves' scenes over and over and stfu already#Bible has no problem with other actors getting the spotlight besides him#NOBODY IS STEALING HIS MAIN ROLE FROM HIM#EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN THE SHOW IS BECAUSE OF GREAT#Be NORMAL for ONCE holy SHIT#I said rant over but I couldn't resist ranting in the tags as well#I'm TIRED people#I'm fucking TIRED#see Tonkla having a scene or two this episode and people losing their minds again even though I'm sure we'll get a lot of TymeGreat scenes#Was this what it was like for VP fans while KPTS was airing because I'm not having fun like this I'm really not#thank fuck for my friends and my lovely anon asks because I wouldn't be surviving otherwise#4 minutes#bible wichapas#jes jespipat#fuaiz thanawat#fandom
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Me watching the prequel movies: "Padme's alright, but she's kind of boring and I don't care for her that much."
Me watching Clone Wars: "Padme Amidala could dropkick me, step on my neck, and spit in my face, and I would thank her. She is so cool and smart and I want to be her and also maybe be her assistant. She's a savvy politician who believes in peace but is not afraid to shoot a bitch if needed. Revenge of the Sith Anakin doesn't deserve her."
#star wars#star wars prequels#star wars the clone wars#sw tcw#padme amidala#sw prequels#sw padme#literally did not give a shit about her while watching the movies#then i watched the show and oh my god she is amazing#every time there was a padme episode i absolutely loved it and had an amazing time#actual girlboss#also now i can actually understand why she was so loyal to anakin even when he became a trainwreck#their relationship was imperfect but actually really sweet and i saw the chemistry#they felt like a power couple sometimes and really balanced each other out#and while anakin always had some aggressive tendencies#i understand how padme would be caught off guard and still love him/think she can change him#she's seen him at some of his low points and he bounced back so how is this different and why is he acting different?#it's actually really sad#i didn't care when she died while watching the prequels#but when i watched the show i'd suddenly feel really upset because i'd remember what's going to eventually happen to her#this strong and amazing woman would die of grief while giving birth after her husband betrayed her and that was heartbreaking#and then years later her planet would be destroyed by that very husband she had once loved so dearly#god damn it now i'm sad
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(mgv) for a not-so-insignificant portion of his life, house was terrified of being suggestible to the alpha voice as john wasn't afraid to supplement his punishments with them so house would be physically incapable of not complying.
the first time wilson used the voice on house in a fit of frustration after house's incessant needling regarding wilson's obvious lack of life fulfillment ("you're not happy, you're just married."), house was genuinely afraid. he avoided him for days. wilson, mortified by his own loss of control and desperate to apologize, did Not let this be what killed their friendship, effectively (accidentally) sabotaging his own marriage to bonnie by prioritizing his relationship with house over his relationship with her. again.
#house md#house mgv#mgv#of course house forgives him#he is physically incapable of being away from wilson for too long even if for a split second he was genuinely scared of him#even once they're going back to routine and house acts like nothing ever happened >#he still has subtle tells he's readjusting now that he Knows that wilson could easily weaponize the voice >#to hold power over him just as john did to him when he was a child. fidgeting when wilson's in a bad mood or >#tensing if he gets too close before he forces himself to relax. wilson notices of course but doesn't say anything even though it kills him#wilson promises house he'll never do it again. house knows he will. and he does#though because wilson DIDN'T take advantage of house that first time house subconsciously takes to these slip-ups as exposure therapy#like house flustering wilson with dirty lines to the point where wilson uses the voice when he tells him to shut up#which serves to prove to house he WAS getting more riled up than he let on#while also showing through wilson's immediate regret that he cares about him enough to never use it against him#no matter how much trouble house gets into wilson doesn't use it to control him like some bad alphas would#cuddy even gently suggests wilson use the voice on house when he needs to be wrangled#and wilson pushes back every time bc he doesn't need to betray house's trust to tame him#which is true!! he knows house well enough to play him without weaponizing biology most of the time
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not an ask, but I saw ur post and relate a lot to it.
anticipatory grief sucks. people will tell you not to think about it, not to let it steal from today, but some days are just so hard. sometimes it feels unavoidable, like it’s some goliath mountain in the distance or even the sky and you can’t not look at it. it’s like you have to keep trying to distract yourself not to think about it, and it’s exhausting, and you’re so fucking scared of the inevitable.
like how does anyone even function? the idea of the world continuing to spin when there’s this terrible, horrible thing that will happen some day is unfathomable but it does, and it’s horrible. Some day will mark the before and the after. nobody can ever be ready for it.
I hope the love you have keeps you strong. wishing you the best.
this is literally it. i know thinking about it Now wont make the actual day it happens any easier. but it's impossible to not think about it, especially since there's no tangible way to preserve memories or feelings or the like forever. i cry easily and get emotional over most anything and everything, which is another layer of difficulty wrt it because I spiral. I want to squeeze out of my body. im not meant for any of it
#skunk mail#Anonymous#ill be in a car with my dad fighting tears thinking about how ill miss it one day and there's no way for my brain to capture the moment and#make a simulation of it. and even then that wouldnt help. ykwim#sometimes i sit in my parents room while my parents and brother are there and i cant stop thinking about when ill see them for the last tim#and how i wish i could full really truly wring every last drop of ''appreciation'' from the moment.#i think about that time isnt linear thing. how everything that has happened or will happen exists on its own#and i think about the cheye experiencing the After tragedy. and i cant handle it. not now or then. i envy the past cheye#even the one of 5 seconds ago. because that was 5 seconds ive lost. 5 seconds closer to events that will#separate my life into Before and After. over and over again#(like you said anon. i think abt that all the time too)#i think this is also why im struggling with the thought of moving out#we all have so little time. dont even get me started on the fear and grief i feel for my own life#not only fearing dying but fearing the lead up where ive lost and cried over much. just me. alone.#ill never see them again. it will never be today again. we'll never be in my parents room like today again. i cant take it.#even if i spend every last second with everybody i still wont be able to take it. i cant believe it#human beings that were all somebody's baby once. tomorrow it will be like they were never here at all. all their memories#go with them. it hurts so bad. i cant take it#i cant even breathe rn ruminating abt it *peace sign emoji*
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There's something in this life left to live or, giving these two fools a soft moment because they deserve it. not gonna lie, I got a bit emotional when making this. I wrote something from Astarion's perspective to go along with it:
Once upon a time we pressed against an unyielding tree trunk, just like this. Once upon a time we hid ourselves in the obscuring night. Now, the moonlight paints your smile bright and boundless. We were not unwilling back then, though an ocean laid between us. I pressed my body atop yours and went somewhere else. How could I have known that you would follow me there? You were the one who was supposed to be under my thumb. I was the trickster moved by your silver song. You were the cradle that held me safe when all I wanted was to fall into the abyss. You were the gentle voice that beckoned, Open your eyes. See what could be if you loosened that white-knuckled grip you keep on your fear. Sometimes I find myself slipping into the old movements — a flutter of lashes, a dangerous smile — and then I remember. I remember that you were with me at my darkest and ugliest and most utterly heartbroken, and still you told me, It is an honor to witness you. It is a privilege to be by your side. And I let that ancient rhythm fall away. I was free to walk off that tired path, and now, everything is new. How will life surprise me when I allow myself to participate? I was struck with wonder to know that there are people in this world like you. Could you have ever guessed we would end up here, back when we were strangers on the hillside? I didn't have the strength to imagine it. Now, I find myself thinking: Where will we end up tomorrow? What wonders will we behold? There will be such love and such joy, and such hardship to balance it. But for the first time, I feel I am courageous enough to face it, because I am not alone anymore. I will be with you here, beneath this moonlight, beneath this canopy. And afterwards, I hope you will imagine with me all the life we have left to live.
#astarion x aune#my art#astarion x tav#tavstarion#bg3 fanart#oc: aune#astarion#bg3 tav#bg3#the setting for those who care: this is post-game. these days aune mostly works as a ''solitary agent'' of eilistraee but she still needs#to check in with the church every once and a while. mission debriefings; rituals to run; that sort of thing. astarion tags along this time#of course aune just struts into the camp/settlement like hey yall long time no see. here's my vampire lover. everybody say hey astarion#as always they don't really know what to make of aune and her antics so they're just like “...okay...”#but astarion keeps to himself during the day on account of the sun. UNTIL night descends of course. which works out fine because#eilistraeeans really come alive during the night anyway. unfortunately for them aune and astarion are insufferable#constantly pawing at each other & being cloyingly sweet with one another.#flirting. teasing. talking and laughing loudly. eating each other's faces. just the worst. that's what's happening here 😌#also aune is not a spawn but she purposefully doesn't heal the bite marks despite being a cleric — PURELY to antagonize any priestesses#who might not approve. ''cmon and say something to my face :)''#also aune stays wearing tied up sheets of cloth lol listen. in her defense eilistraeeans are in varying states of undress at all times sooo
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You know, it’s INCREDIBLY mean of Nikkie to describe all this delicious food in intricate detail and make me want to eat everything she’s describing
#it’s also a similar issue in critical role whenever Mercer describes food#like that is incredibly mean of you to describe this delicious imaginary food that I can’t have because it’s not real#it’s even meaner considering that every time this happens I haven’t eaten in a while#once upon a witchlight#legends of avantris
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i love it when i can tell that someone purposefully went further up the reblog chain on one of my posts to avoid rbing a version with someone else's later addition. like good for you, i also thought that version was stupid lol.
#people really just add all sorts of random shit to things. i'm like okay that's nice but the post wasn't about that#and then everyone rbs it anyway. except every once in a while someone goes up the rb chain <3 twinsies#i just ignore it when people add irrelevant stuff to my posts 99.9% of the time unless i'm really annoyed by it. then i turn rbs off#that's happened like twice and never for an important reason it's just because i was really pissy that day lol#people can add irrelevant shit in the tags. that's what the tags are for. why are you saying it in the loud part of the post#diffrent strokes it takes all kinds to make a world life is a rich tapestry any minute now i'm going to start appreciating#tumblr#my posts#to be clear i don't mind in general when people add stuff to my posts. just when it's irrelevant. or when i don't like it for another reaso#but don't let that stop you. if it really annoys me then i just turn off rbs lol#there's a fine line between yes anding and totally derailing and far be it from me to oppose yes and culture on this site#it's one of the best things about tumblr. so sometimes you swing and you miss it's the cost of doing business
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It's supposed to end with them eating ice-cream together in peace. Then everything changed when I learned the lore friendly name.
#tes#morrowind#tes oc#oc: Acelta#oc: Sundros#nerevarine#it's supposed to be wholesome#it's supposed to be the frozen treat that warm your heart#what were they thinking?! why Nord Milk?! why?!?!?!#i make a ice-cream before basically just remember to give them a good stir once every hour#so i let Acelta made a ice sphere and rotate it once a while#but yeah Sunny were supposed to slice it open with a blade#and i was looking for cool blade and i saw the profane tool and this happened#i'll let all my ocs path cross somehow because i wanna and i can >:3#acelta was a slave rescued by sunny#sunny was teaching him how to normally hang out with friends#in exchange acelta would make her some nice treats#ah i was supposed to finish these back in june what happened? time moves so fast i think i autopilot the entire summer#the next one is still summer theme haha help#i'm so not prepare for inktober aaaaaaa
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sometimes i think about characters from various rewrites meeting and reacting to each other in one big room
.
#aphmau confessions#aphmau#aphblr#aphverse#this reminds me of my first fanfiction where I had the actual plot going on#and then every once and a while you would get a comment from someone else on what was happening#because all the characters were actually live reacting to the story#I don't know why#there was an entirely separate plot having in the a/n when everyone would recoop after a chapter#it was#weird#🤭#and it was aphmau#to be clear#nonaphmau media
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LOVE when the pharmacy decides to fucking dick around with my meds so badly that now I’m off my mood stabilizer, my pain meds, and my fucking birth control (in a few days) because they’re insisting I should have extra fucking bottles of each one and I DONT because they don’t let me pick up more than a one month supply of narcotics at a fucking time so do explain where these extra bottles are, hmm ????? and they didn’t have enough caplyta ordered last time to even give me my usual 3 months supply of that so … ???? get your fucking heads out of your asses and give me the fucking meds you owe me ??? like ??? but I’m in a nasty headspace right now so if I call the pharmacy this morning, I’m going to be that cunt ass customer they bitch about all day because this isn’t the first time they’ve done this. in fact, the first time, they straight up committed insurance fraud by marking one of my scripts as filled and picked up WHEN, IN REALITY, THEY FUCKING LOST THE SCRIPT AND HAD NO RECORD OF IT BEING FILLED OR PICKED UP IN THEIR SYSTEM, BUT YET, MARKED IT AS SUCH AND CHARGED MY INSURANCE AN ALMOST 8 GRAND FOR THE FUCKING 3 MONTHS OF MY MOOD STABILIZER THAT I. NEVER. RECEIVED. I’m genuinely about to report this entire pharmacy to the pharmacy board because I’m so fucking done with this place. it needs to be shut the fuck down because you’re telling me, out of an entire pharmacy, y’all share the same IQ point AND dead brain cell, collectively ??? then don’t fucking work in healthcare where people rely on you to know your shit and keep track of their fucking meds because you’re just constantly making shit worse on people since you can’t seem to not fuck around with these meds and not ‘lose’ scripts. fuck out of here.
and I’m pretty much out of weed, which is usually my back up pain management method, without the money to afford a delivery order by their cut off time to order in 3 hours because I just paid my fucking bills and have SOME to go towards it, but not enough for delivery to be free, and I’d still have to walk my ass to one of the ATM’s nearby because they don’t accept my bank as a prepaid method OR any of the cards I have on my person. 🫠
I can literally feel my back spasming and seizing on and off while I’m laying on my fucking side, I’ve had a migraine with a stupid ass aura for almost a week now because chronic migraines fucking suck and i was REALLY hoping this one would be over by now, my muscle inflammations that my pain meds are supposed to limit are already beginning to start their itching deep in my muscles so soon they’ll blossom into a whole fibromyalgia fucking episode and become entirely inflamed, my joints in my hands fucking hurt because of the dreary weather so I really need to get into a rheumatologist at some point soon as well and get that shit figured out, I’m nauseas as fuck from all the pain, and I’m moody, hormonal, and just feel like fucking death physically.
I’m just. I give up.
this shit is exhausting and painful and so mentally fucking taxing to constantly deal with and I just want a fucking break from all this fucking shit. I wish I could just … not exist … for even just a little while with how fucking painful existing actually feels right now 🫠😭
#i hate that CT weed is so fucking expensive#half a fucking ounce shouldn’t cost me $250 …….. not when I can go to MA and get an ounce for $108 after tax ……..#but I don’t have a way to MA because my fucking best friend. who made plans with me OVER THE WEEKEND. HER. SHE INITIATED THEM.#canceled on me last second even though I texted her early the night before when I know she would see it 🫠#nope instead she waited from the text I sent at 6:30pm until noon the next day to cancel because her period is kicking her ass#NOT FOR FUCKING NOTHING BUT SO THE HELL IS MINE ???? AND IM ANEMIC ??? AND DEALING WITH ALL THIS EXTRA PAIN ON TOP OF IT ????#and I know I’m being irrational and insensitive because pain tolerance is a sliding scale for everyone#but like fucking come on you do this 3 out of 4 times YOU make the plans to hang out and I’m fucking over it.#plus I’m the one that always pays for everything and does she ever even OFFER to hit me back for the COUNTLESS ounces of weed I’ve got her#all because she couldn’t afford it so I said I’d cover it and she never paid me back. I’ve bought her at least a grand’s worth of weed#just over the last couple months and she’s never ONCE offered to pay me back for a single one#like ……… I don’t expect it. I give if I have it. but you can’t even just offer ??? like the invitation to pay me back would be enough to no#leave m ragingly pissed off and feeling used as an atm again for yet another ‘friend’ because they don’t even OFFER to be considerate#of course I’d say not to worry about it but it doesn’t even cross your fucking head to ask if I want anything towards it#like the next time you get paid ??? when you go and spend your own money on weed that day but can’t reimburse me for anything IVE paid for#oh and I always have to give her gas money if I even simply just want to hang out because she’s always fucking broke somehow#and she works in healthcare like bitch I know what you make and you can’t play that you don’t have enough to get by or throw me 50 bucks#towards YOUR weed that I’m buying every once in a fucking while when I’m already paying for everything fucking else#I’m so angry and I know I’m being irrational and bitchy but this is what happens when you’re tripped off your meds cold turkey#and one of them is a mood stabilizer that makes it so you DONT feel this way about people and aren’t so bitter when you’re let down 🫠🫠🫠#because now my rejection sensitive dysphoria is going to be triggered even easier than usual and I’m just.#I actually fucking give up. I don’t even know what to do here. the pain going through my body is so fucking intense#I keep losing my train of thought because everything hurts and then every once in a while a DIFFERENT pain acts up and throws itself in too#I just. I just can’t fucking win.#I hate fucking struggling with my mental state like this when I’m off my meds.#and because I have to be a month without my stabilizer/pain management/birth control it’s going to take me ANOTHER month to get readjusted#to those in my body so I won’t feel normal again until nearly fucking mid to end January the earliest#and that’s fucking bullshit. I’m going to fucking **** myself by the time I get back on these fucking meds since it’ll take that long#fucking hell I just. I give up. I give in. I’m self isolating and cutting myself off from everyone because it’ll be in THEIR best interest#for me to do so when I can’t control my mind like this. I’m so tired of feeling so fucking shitty and I’ve only been off them for two days
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"doctor who just isnt what it used to be" YOU DENSE MOTHERFUCKER!!! THAT IS THE NATURE OF AN EVER-CHANGING SHOW THAT'S BEEN GOING FOR 60 YEARS!!! AND IT AINT OVER YOU CLOWN!!! YOU DUMB BITCH!!!!
#doctor who#look im not saying change is necessarily easy#but some of yall act like you have squatter's rights on the show or something#even though i guarantee most of yall stopped watching right around when david tennant first left#like come the fuck on people get yourselves together#doctor who is a show about change#and while i am strongly opposed to gatekeeping being a fan#it's hard to tell if you fuckers are or not because yall shit on every single little thing that happens#i get liking and not liking certain aspects of the show but for fucks sake have some whimsy in your miserable lives for once#PLEASE
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