#because it feels so much like 'last time' and she's terrified of failing 'her' again

[moghedien]

Minako's Sailor V era is something that can be so personal to me and also cause me so much pain

[foldingfittedsheets]

We had the most egregiously evil little pony horse when I was growing up. I know everyone says that. Ponies are one of the animals that truly understand how to commit crimes but she was really deeply atrocious. One time she tried to murder me. Her name was Fancy.

I feel I should slightly explain here. See, my parents bought two acres with a house and a barn and pasturage and went “We’re farmers now!” They had absolutely no idea what they were doing. And at a certain point along that journey my mom got her hands on a horse. Technically she was half pony half horse so she was this weird middle size.

Fancy belonged to a friend of hers and he showed her how to saddle Fancy. And that was it. That was all we knew about this horse. So my mom brings her home and saddles her and we decide to go for a ride on this new creature in our lives. But Fancy, being the savvy bitch she was, was far too canny for our dumb asses.

Her maiden ride went to my older brother and ended rather abruptly when the saddle slid completely sideways and my brother toppled off her, miraculously unharmed but unwilling to ever try again. This made me like Fancy somewhat, because I hated my brother.

Those familiar with horse trickery would have caught her ruse but Fancy had deliberately held her breath to make the saddle seem tight enough. But in stride she let the breath out, the saddle loosened, and my brother came toppling down. She planned that fuckup.

I was a bit more game, being a dedicated horse girl. I wanted to succeed where my loathsome brother had failed. Keep in mind: none of us had ever ridden. We had no idea what we were doing, and in the only defense I’ll ever make of that hoofed demon it was probably not pleasant to have a human flopping on her back like a sack of potatoes. But I paraded around in a circle until she scraped my leg against a fence post. I lasted longer than my brother but had to admit riding an animal radiating malice at you is not comfortable.

We didn’t really ride Fancy much after that. She was a decorative aspect to the fields. Sometimes I’d sit on her bare back while she was eating. Every so often she’d buck me off for assuming familiarity with her.

But Fany's coup de grâce took several months. Most of the pasturage had electric fence running along it to keep the livestock from testing the fences or getting a taste for freedom. My parents were constantly moving fence posts and reallocating land to different purposes which is how one of the major gates ended up with electric fence running over top. During a move the wire got left up from the last border and now it was strung over what should have been an open passage.

I was taking a ride on Fancy, living in a fantasy that I had any idea what I was doing. My mom was out working in the yard, and as she passed through she left the gate open, forgetting the wire hazard. You know who didn't forget?

Fancy.

She beelined for the open gate and I realized a second too late what her plan was. I hauled back on the reins with all my strength but she powered through, charging at the wire. If I'd caught on sooner I could have tipped forward and probably cleared it.

It was roughly chest height. But she was too savvy, keeping a slow pace right up until the passage, and I didn't have time to react. The thought of getting electrocuted sent me down into a terrified backward limbo, desperately trying to flatten myself along her back.

Her assassination almost worked. But instead of beheading me the wire caught under my chin, pressing back into my neck like a garrote. The only good news was that the wire wasn't live, but I was still in terrible danger. I squealed and wiggled and managed to twist my neck enough that the wire scraped over my face instead of pressing deeper. Once we were through Fancy stopped and turned to regard me, disappointed that her murder had failed. My neck was bleeding but my head remained attached.

My mother was absolutely terrified and I was pretty shaken myself. We unsaddled Fancy for the last time, as full on attempts on my life were a bit more than I was willing to bear for the sake of pretending to be a fantasy hero on an epic journey. My neck still has a faint scar from her homicidal tendencies.

Fancy got to remain a decorative horse for many years after that, free of our attempts to ride her. Her last torment was when my mother decided to try to breed her to achieve an animal that was less interested in murder.

But Fancy, true to form, brutally attacked the stallion sent to service her, even when hopped up on horny hormones. There would be no foals from Fancy, and her saga ended when we sold her to another unlucky soul.

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

Full headcanons for when MC regains all of their missing memories please 🙏🏽🙏🏽

The Arcana HCs: When MC regains their memories

Julian

It's one thing to discover, with someone who also didn't remember at the time, that he had essentially forgotten about you when you needed his help most. It's another to remember it

The early stages you spent still working with him, still sending him communications, still hoping he'd stop to connect long enough to notice your condition and do his job as a doctor and your friend

You don't know which hurts worse, that, or the later stages you spent weak and dying and alone, hoping against hope that he'd notice you were gone and come to help you through the last of it

The way his face falls in regret and pain when you finally tell him what those days were like is a closure you didn't know you needed

As much as it hurts both of you to address, the fact that Julian feels like you can forgive him while knowing the full extent of what he's done gives him an even stronger faith in your relationship

He's also excellently suited to helping you unpack it all - he's been through the same thing himself, having missing memories change how he lives, and then getting them all back at once. He gets it

So excited to learn all about your past self from you

Asra

If this ultimately makes you a happier, healthier person, they are both delighted for you and hugely relieved that it happened

One of his many fears after bringing you back was that he wouldn't be able to give you a life worth having. Your lack of memories definitely contributed to that, and seeing you recover is wonderful

Of course it's not all sunshine and rainbows. As soon as you've reached a point where you can talk about it, they're asking you for your forgiveness all over again and for your side of the story

He left you where he knew it was dangerous, and he failed to stay with you because he chose his fear over his love. He didn't even leave you a way to call for him when you needed him

At the same time, it's their unfailing presence with you now that helps you overcome the disjointedness of it all. They've grown and matured, but your current and old memories alike feature them

So when you're ready to reminisce, to start talking about your old antics and embarrassing mistakes and weird habits, the same best friend who saw it all then will remember it with you now

Only now, there's no walls, fears, or secrets left between you

Nadia

Your memories are back? Tell her everything

Seriously, everything. It's been so fulfilling for her to have someone to trust and allow into her heart and mind and space, and she's often regretted that you can't do the same to that capacity

She does struggle early on not to feel guilty when you mention things like Vesuvia's failing economy or the ravages of the Red Plague, but she's quick to keep the focus on you

Soaks up all the little details and anecdotes you share with her

You remember your childhood favorite food? She's having it served at tea, to see if it tastes the way you remember it

You mentioned a song you remember a parent or family member singing? She's boosting the local music scene with a big prize for whoever can find and learn to play/sing it to you

Really, really wants to visit all the places you have your core memories in. Taking you to Prakra gave her a closure and bond with you that she really wants you to enjoy as well

It goes without saying, but she has an open invitation to anyone you want to reconnect with to visit or stay at the Palace

Muriel

He's happy ... for you. He knows how deeply formative memories and history are, and it's only right for you to have your roots back

He's also the closest to terrified and insecure he's been in a long time, and that's because if you remember a time before the end of the Plague, you remember the time when he was the Scourge

He doesn't care for secrets. He's never hidden who he was from you. He knows you saw his old self and that it hasn't changed how you love him. But it's different when it's your memories, not his

What if you visited the Coliseum without him knowing?

What if you took a seat and experienced the disappointment and revulsion of seeing your best friend's oldest friend, maybe even someone you were fairly close with as well, turn into a killer?

But if you could look at his memories and still commit to loving him, he can and will do the exact same for you

Gives you space when you need it and sticks by your side when you need it, always ready to lend an ear when you want to share

Happy to go on a trip with you if it'll let you reconnect with lost family and roots. You did the same for him, after all!

Portia

Oh she's not worried at all. She knows you two have got this

Whatever there is in your history that she may have an issue with, she knows you two can talk about it and she knows who you are now is not who you used to be. No serious concerns there

That aside, you can finally live with (roughly) the same amounts of memories she has! This is great! You should write them down!

Not the best at giving you space if you want to process alone, but so empathetic with the whole adjustment that it's almost impossible to feel misunderstood. She's got your back

Even with the tricky relational stuff. Her older brother and Asra, especially. She knows you knew them when things were bad, and she's ready to mediate any hard conversations you need to have

And she'll give you all the emotional support you need after

Almost scarily dedicated to helping you track down and reconnect with people from your past. (Given how she spent three years hunting down her brother, it's not hugely surprising ...)

So confident and settled in your relationship that it makes sorting through the memories easier. You're still each other's fresh start

Lucio

He's happy for you! He really is! He promises! (all said with both hands in the air, a strained smile, and a bead of sweat rolling down the side of his face while the dogs look unimpressed)

Okay so maybe he's a little scared

He knows you've talked about it. Hell, you walked with him through the landscape of his memories and failings and somehow managed to hold love for him as he went

But if you can actually remember, now, what he did ... who he used to be ... what you suffered because of him both directly and indirectly, and yes, the horrific death you can remember now too

He knows he's changed and his faith in you is boundless but his faith in who he used to be is nonexistent, for good reason

Almost makes you lose your temper pestering you for how you really feel and tripping over his feet to prove himself after

Once you've told him that nothing about your relationship is under threat, he becomes an amazing partner to help you unpack

He gets it. What it's like to relive visceral memories, for the past to feel so disjointed. He gets it, and he's got you

[aniseya]

“He has to be a witness to what she finds out about herself. It was very important that she had her own agency and that she made this decision independently of him. But I agree, him witnessing it draws them together so much more. So, it went: buffoon, terrifying villain, seductive possible teacher, and then romantic lead. [Laughs] So, I had to find somebody who could play all four characters — buffoon, murderer, a gentle teacher, and then as a romantic lead. You can imagine as I'm writing this, I'm just like, “Who the fuck are we gonna get for this part? Who is going to be able to do this?”

“But I think the way that you see The Stranger and Osha almost immediately Yin and Yang-ing, there's also an argument to be made there.”

“Actually, in earlier drafts, The Stranger had a line from that movie, which is, "I have crossed oceans of time to find you." A lot of Gothic romances were referenced - Jane Eyre, Rochester and sort of the Byronic hero for those two.”

“I was sort of struggling with what the last moment was. I was kind of struggling with it. It was very important that they feel like equals. It was very important that they felt, honestly, like a power couple. I didn't think he should kiss her because, while he's earned her respect, she's earned his, he's earned her allegiance, and she's earned his, I don't know if he has earned that level of intimacy with her. There have been displays of intimacy, but it felt like they weren't there yet. And so I said, “What's a kiss but not a kiss?” [Laughs] I was like, “I’m sorry, I can't think of something.” And the actors came up with holding the lightsaber together, and as soon as that happened, Hanelle [Culpepper], the director of that episode, set up this gorgeous shot. I realized, I was like, “Oh my god, this is the end of Fight Club, and I'm obsessed!” The last line of that movie is, “You met me at a very strange time in my life.” [Laughs] It just didn't feel like we were quite there.”

“Oh, yeah! Again, they’re Sith. It's a different vibe. To me, it's gonna hit different because of their allegiance and who they are. So, yes, it is framed as romantic, but I do think, again, it's not gonna turn out great. I think if he's training her, “One to hold the power, one to crave it.” So they're starting off as equals, but what's gonna happen? Like in Romeo and Juliet, it's amazing because right at the beginning they're like, “Okay, these two die. Let's start the play.” As you're watching this incredible love story unfold, and it's one of the most beautifully iconic plays ever written, in the back of your mind, you're like, “This is not going to turn out well.”

“I want to clarify: They are not necessarily doomed or destined to fail as a team. But the Sith rule of two denotes a power imbalance. Which clearly, due to the final shot, is not their relationship. Also, Plagueis complicates their journey as Sith, because we know his apprentice is eventually Palpatine. They will not defeat him.”

— leslye headland about oshamir for collider

[sansaorgana]

— DAUGHTER OF THE MOON (III)

PART ONE || PART TWO

PAIRING — Sauron x fem!Elf!Reader (Celebrimbor's Daughter)

SUMMARY — Lord Celebrimbor's daughter finally learns the truth about her betrothed. She might be the only one who can save her father and Eregion if she agrees to give Sauron what he wants.

AUTHOR’S NOTE — Reader's appearance is not described and her mother comes from a group of Elves that I came up with myself for the sake of this fic and its plot – the Moon Elves. This is the last part of this fic! 😊 As I said, it was supposed to be a one shot but it turned out quite long, so I decided to post it in three chapters. 💗 The ending is kinda open... 👀

WARNINGS — Reader's mother is dead ("madness" + suicide), blood magic, violence, domestic abuse (Sauron is not nice to his fiancée), manipulation, gaslighting

WORD COUNT — 6,450

ENGLISH IS MY SECOND LANGUAGE.

DAUGHTER OF THE MOON (III)

Corruption. It was the thing that Lady (Y/N) feared the most. Therefore, when she heard about the possibility of The Seven being condemned because of her father’s lie to the High King, she was absolutely terrified. Especially after learning “the truth” from her beloved Annatar about her father’s condition.

He watched with a smirk, overhearing her conversations with Celebrimbor. Her pleas and sobs as she begged him to finish the Rings. But – just as she had promised – not even once she did reveal that she knew about his worrying state. And even though Annatar had mentioned that it was crafting the Rings that had caused Celebrimbor’s mind to go astray, his daughter feared the darkness and corruption so badly that it seemed to escape her mind. The only thing that mattered to her was to convince her father to help Annatar in making the Rings.

She was even using the same tactics as her beloved – something he noticed with a huge amount of satisfaction as he listened to her praising her father’s craft and saying that he would soon become known as the greatest of the Elves in history. How she sweetly and innocently lured him into the trap Annatar had prepared.

And so she succeeded, standing proudly by her betrothed’s side with her arm around his, as they were surrounded by the Elven smiths and watched Celebrimbor give a speech.

“There is agency uncanny in the heart of stone and ore,” he started. “Even when a work is yet within the artist's bosom, it begins to…” He hesitated and made a disappointed face. “...disobey him. We have failed. Every one of us,” he added more harshly now and Annatar could feel (Y/N)’s hands squeezing his arm tighter as she was not suspecting her father to grow so bitter and cold.

“The designs were carried out to the most exquisite detail, my Lord,” Mirdania dared to interrupt him.

“Were they?” Celebrimbor asked her in a challenging tone. “Every last hammer stroke done to perfection?” He began to take steps forward, approaching her and the other smiths. “Or did hubris and sloth come together to dull your attention?!” He raised his voice and a short silence occurred.

The tension was heavy in the forge and Annatar felt (Y/N)’s fingernails digging into his flesh as she kept squeezing his arm. Her father’s anger was not aimed at her but it still pained her to see him like this – like he had never been before.

“We must atone for our mistakes in the only way we can by completing the Rings together,” Celebrimbor said again, a bit softer this time, as he looked upon Annatar’s face. “The Nine must do far more than bring aid to men, they must bring balance to the entire project. They must draw strength from The Three and somehow…,” he hesitated, uncomfortably, “redeem The Seven,” he looked around, avoiding everyone’s gaze. “They must redeem us all. We shall work night and day,” his tone changed once again and grew harsher. “New designs. New alloys. A new process. I will be with you at every turn and any of you who offers so much as a hair’s breadth less than his utmost effort is a… A smith of Eregion no longer,” he threatened, even though he sounded ashamed of his own vicious words despite the gentle smile. “Have I made myself plain?”

“Yes, my lord,” the smiths nodded their heads quietly.

“It starts now,” Celebrimbor nodded nervously and walked away as fast as possible to go up to his study, walking past Annatar and (Y/N) but avoiding their gaze.

(Y/N) left her betrothed’s side and followed her father to his study. Annatar was torn whether he should join them or to coax the smiths. He eventually decided to do the other thing since he already trusted (Y/N) enough to leave her alone with Celebrimbor for a moment, meanwhile the smiths of Eregion kept chatting quietly about their Lord’s behaviour.

“Father?” (Y/N) approached Celebrimbor who was sitting on the chair and trembling, hiding his face in his hands. Her heart was full of pain for him and she swallowed thickly when she placed her hands on his shoulders as he flinched a little. “Father, perhaps I have been pushing you too hard to agree to make The Nine. I, too, want the redemption of The Seven for I want this craft to be the absolute mastery of your abilities and achievements as much as I want for the whole Middle-earth to admire you…” She confessed gently as she crouched down next to him and removed his hands softly from his face. “But father, please, the way you behave… is worrying to say the least,” she whispered.

“The way I behave, my sweet child?” He blinked a few times at her and she tilted her head, confused.

“What are you talking about?” She breathed out and a short silence occurred, in which Annatar’s voice calming down the smiths reached them from afar.

“Are you sure about wanting to marry this man?” Celebrimbor lowered his voice, squeezing his daughter’s wrist when she wanted to move away, visibly outraged by his question.

“How can you ask me that?! The love between Lord Annatar and I is of the purest and most noble kinds…” Her eyes filled with tears. “I have never thought to ever meet a man like him but he is everything I have ever dreamt of and I am the luckiest of all maidens that he wishes to leave his service to the Valar for me.”

Celebrimbor was defeated. He let his daughter's hand go and he watched her tears with the pain in his heart. He hated to make her cry and to worry her but he was concerned about her as well.

However, she was already far too bewitched by Annatar’s charm.

Lady (Y/N) was crafting a beautiful headpiece as she focused on shaping the sapphires. The day was warm and quite calm and she enjoyed her silence and her solitude as yet another masterpiece was coming to life because of the work of her hands.

A light knock upon the doors made her look up with a furrowed brow.

“Come in,” she ordered and watched the smith Mirdania walking inside.

Mirdania’s eyes were exhausted, her dress and face covered in sweat and dirt from the long days of excessive work in the forge. She bowed down in front of Lady (Y/N) and opened her mouth, hesitating before speaking.

“What is it?” (Y/N) asked her as she stopped paying attention and laid her eyes back on the headpiece in front of her.

“My Lady, I am terribly sorry for bothering you but this is about your father, Lord Celebrimbor…” Mirdania started.

“Yes?” (Y/N) still did not lay her eyes on the woman as her eyes squinted when she picked up a thin chisel.

“The way he is behaving… He has never been like this. I do not mean his strive for perfection but the measures he is taking… We do not feel safe around him anymore, my Lady,” Mirdania blushed and looked away because (Y/N) glanced at her at that very moment.

“I… I do not know what to say,” (Y/N) confessed, putting the chisel down. “I do not know how to comfort you… But you ought to endure for he must finish The Nine,” she stood up to approach Mirdania and put her hands around the smith’s arms. “He must.”

Mirdania tried to protest somehow as her mouth opened and her head shook but that was when the doors opened once more – this time without any knocking – and Lord Annatar stood in them.

He walked differently these days; more confidently. The way he stood there was taking up the whole door frame and the way he glanced at the women had a hint of contempt and suspicion in his eyes. His robes were no longer grey and humble but the most exquisite – black and gold. And some of his hair strands were tied in a whimsical bow to avoid getting into his eyes and interrupting his work.

Some were saying that now, when Lord Celebrimbor was so busy with his craft and Annatar was engaged to his daughter, he was carrying himself as the Lord Regent of Eregion in a way. His position changed, of course, as he was now known as Lady (Y/N)’s betrothed and Lord Celebrimbor’s most trusted friend.

“My love, what is it?” Lady (Y/N) asked as she abandoned Mirdania’s side immediately to approach him.

She did not mind his change – in fact, he made her believe that it was her who had encouraged it, convincing him that the new robes would make him seem more respectful amongst the people of Eregion and that he had proved his humility enough.

Annatar gave Mirdania a scolding look before laying his soft eyes upon Lady (Y/N).

“Your father’s people demand an audience but he refuses to see them, too occupied with his craft,” he announced.

“That is so unlike him,” (Y/N) shook her head with concern.

“He wants you and I to carry on with his responsibilities to the city,” Annatar informed her.

“Oh, well, then…” She hesitated. “Well, then I must… I shall do everything to help my father,” she nodded her head, eagerly. “Mirdania,” she turned around to look at the woman and the smith bowed her head down before hurrying out of Lady (Y/N)’s chambers.

(Y/N) and Annatar walked downstairs and approached the people gathered by the doors, surprised to see them instead of their Lord. Annatar clasped his hands behind his back and looked down at his betrothed as she nodded at him, letting him speak because she knew that he was far better with words than she was.

“The greatest of Elven smiths is consumed by his work,” Annatar announced to the people of Eregion. “He asks that Lady (Y/N) and I handle all matters of administration in his stead,” he bowed slightly at her before looking back at them. “Now, what seems to be at issue?”

One of the guards looked at Commander Malendrol with hesitation.

“Show them,” he said.

“Show us what?” Annatar asked and the guards pointed in the direction they wanted him and Lady (Y/N) to go in.

And so they followed the guards and (Y/N) was full of anxiety as she kept glancing up at her betrothed, wondering how he could remain so calm when everything seemed to go so wrong these days.

“This gatehouse is typically athrum with artisans and merchants travelling into the city,” one of the guards explained. “But it all strangely halted yester-eve,” he added. 

“We sent a search party across the river to see if there was an obstruction upon the road,” Commander Malendrol continued. “But only one soldier returned.”

“Where is he?” Annatar asked, feeling (Y/N) trembling fingers intertwining with his. As usual, in times of trouble, she was seeking for him and his comfort, his assurance that it would all be alright and that he would keep her safe.

They stopped in front of a few other guards and when the guards walked away, they revealed a body of a soldier with his shirt torn to reveal his chest on which mysterious letters of the language unknown to Lady (Y/N) were carved. She winced and turned around to look away and Annatar squeezed her hand gently.

“Washed up this morning,” Commander Malendrol said. “He appeared to be carrying a message.”

Annatar took a step forward to take a better look at the body and read the signs as his face got serious. Adar’s army coming to Eregion was a part of his plan but he had been certain his Rings would be forged by then.

He was running out of time.

“Bury him,” he ordered and laid his eyes on Commander Malendrol. “Show this to no one,” he added. He did not want anyone in the city to be alarmed and expecting the worst.

When the guards walked away, Annatar put his arm around (Y/N) to walk her out of there and spare her delicate eyes from such sights. She sniffled her tears back and looked up at his face.

“That was awful…” She shook her head, affected. Annatar furrowed his brows, faking worry and compassion as he brought her hand up to his lips and placed a small kiss upon her knuckles. “Should I tell my father about it? I know he wanted us to carry on with his duties but this seems quite serious and–”

“No,” Annatar interrupted her as her lower lip trembled. “He has asked us to see it and that no one is permitted to disturb him,” he informed her in all seriousness, watching her eyes fill with more and more fresh tears. “Not even the smiths… Not even you.”

“N-not even m-me?” (Y/N)’s voice broke as silent tears streamed down her cheeks. Annatar smiled sadly at them as he wiped one with his thumb.

“He’s not himself, my gentle darling. For now, all we can do is leave him in solitude,” he whispered, trying to be the most delicate. Give him time. And pray…” He hesitated before finishing his sentence, unsure what effect it would have on her. “Pray that he finishes this work before it finishes him,” he eventually confessed, faking his own pain and sadness.

“I… I cannot lose my father. Oh, Annatar, please… I have suffered enough already, have I not?” She sobbed and he only stood there, watching her tears, not knowing what to say since he had so much more of the suffering prepared for her. “I lost my mother already… I cannot lose him. If there was a way of sacrificing my own self, my own sanity, just to save him… I would not hesitate,” she clenched her jaw out of determination as she confessed. “I know that he presents himself now as a man out of his mind but my father… My real father… He is the most gentle, the most kind, the most generous man and… And I would do everything to save him,” she finished, straightening her back as a sudden outburst of courage washed all over her.

Annatar looked down at their hands intertwined and caressed the silver ring on her finger with his thumb.

“The way you love is of the purest kind,” he whispered.

“I love you just the same,” she assured him and he cracked a sad smile before leaning in to kiss her forehead and walk away, leaving her crying quietly in the middle of the courtyard.

It was dark already when the siege began. Lady (Y/N) was as scared as everyone else but the very first person that came to her mind was Lord Annatar, naturally. The one who had always been able to make her feel the safest and the one who had always had a solution to all of her problems. He had always known how to comfort her with his sweet words.

So, even in times like this, she was running through the crowd of her father’s people, ignoring their screams and cries. And she did not run to the forge but to the tower where she had seen Annatar going before as she had been calling for him across the courtyard but he could not hear.

She was running up the stairs and then she froze at the sight of him, standing alone on the balcony and raising his hands up as he kept staring in the direction of the Orc army. What was he doing, she wondered? Was he performing some sort of magic spell, a ritual that was supposed to keep them all safe?

“My love?” She asked in a trembling tone. “My love, I am so scared,” she revealed and he turned around.

But the man she saw now – the sight of him made her gasp and take a step back as she nearly fell down the stairs. The man in front of her perhaps truly looked like her beloved Lord Annatar but his eyes were no longer kind or compassionate. There was nothing but pure evil and darkness burning in them as he approached her with a smirk.

“You, my love, are coming with me,” Annatar grabbed her by her arm, mocking the sweet phrase they had been calling each other with.

And as he dragged her behind him, she kept sobbing and trying to get out of his grasp but he was far too strong and no one could hear her cries for help amongst the chaos.

“What are you doing?!” She shouted. “Please, let me go! My love, please, you are scaring me!”

But all of her words and pleas seemed to have no effect upon her betrothed. He remained cold and unbothered as he dragged her towards her tower and all the way upstairs, pulling her body behind as if it was a sack of potatoes; not caring much about the many steps ahead of them and hurting her many times on the way.

He pushed the doors to her workshop open and threw her inside carelessly as he watched with contempt her body hitting the ground. Her gentle eyes looked up with fear at him as more and more sobs escaped her throat.

“Your father’s mind is of no use to me anymore. He has lost his senses,” Annatar announced, viciously. “You will craft me The Nine,” he added with a smirk, taking a step closer to her as she flinched and moved back.

“I do not understand… I…” She kept shaking her head and sniffling her tears back.

“Do you hear that?” Annatar shushed her as he faked concern. Screams and cries reached their eyes. “The people of Eregion are dying, my gentle Lady. And only you can save them – and your father – by giving me The Nine,” his fake concern turned into a smirk.

“Even if I wanted to, I cannot. My craft cannot match his in any way…” (Y/N)’s lips trembled.

“You are underestimating yourself as usual,” Annatar did not want to hear any of it as he stood right above her. “Your craft is more than enough. Have you not seen your works of art? I have. And all the noble ladies of Middle-earth and Númenor who are being complimented about their beauty… They all owe it to you,” he whispered, nearly seductively but the sudden eroticism of his voice was what scared her, too, because her pure and noble betrothed would never act this way.

Annatar crouched down to be on her level and she yelped, trying to move back even further but her back hit her desk, so she was trapped now between her own place of work and his body.

“You have been watching your father work for centuries. I am certain you are able to forge The Nine Rings for men,” he breathed out and leaned in even closer as their noises brushed but she turned her face away, trying to get away from him.

“Please, make it stop…” She pleaded. “I want my beloved back… I want Lord Annatar.”

“Oh, but… my sweet darling, Lord Annatar is me and I am him,” he smirked and the floor trembled this very moment after the city had been hit. (Y/N) cried out some more and he cupped her face as he shushed her gently with the most concerned expression he could manage. “My sweet, you can make it all stop. All of it, I promise.”

“Even if I truly could…” (Y/N) swallowed her tears. “I do not have any more mithril,” her whisper broke as she realised her own defeat.

“That is true, you do not,” Annatar nodded with a kind smile like his old one used to be but his eyes were still cold and cruel. “But you have something far more… precious,” he murmured as one of his hands travelled down to her neck and his fingernail brushed the pulsing point there, feeling her blood flowing underneath her smooth and gentle skin.

Their gazes met this very moment. Her eyes filled with terror at the realisation of what he was asking of her.

“What are you?” She breathed out, nearly inaudible as her whole body tensed. “No emissary of the Valar would ever ask me to do this,” she pointed out in a trembling voice and Annatar’s lips twitched as he kept staring at her the most intensely. “Who are you… truly?”

He moved away from her, very slowly. And as he was standing up to be above her once more, he appeared to get even taller and his presence was becoming more and more overlooming. (Y/N) curled herself up under his shadow as if she was a little mouse realising that she had just found herself in the trap set up by a big cat.

“I can become your doom or I can become your redemption. The choice is yours, but the longer you hesitate, the more people suffer. And Lord Celebrimbor… I am not quite certain if he is to survive the siege,” Annatar told her without even trying to hide his contempt.

“I have trusted you… I have betrayed my own father for you…” (Y/N) whimpered.

“Oh, but betrayal is a part of your bloodline, is it not?” Annatar smirked. “Even now, I can feel that you still… love me,” he added, mocking her feelings.

More tears escaped her eyes. Of course she still loved him. Was it even possible to stop loving someone so quickly?

“I love the lies you have told me. The illusion Lord Annatar has been,” she stuttered and gathered her strength to finally stand up as well although she had done it clumsily, grasping the edge of her desk to keep the balance. “But you… Whoever you are… I do not love you. And you will not lure me into your schemes,” she added, proudly. More screams from Eregion reached their ears but she remained cold as a statue and confused Annatar looked behind him after realising that her eyes were not set on him.

They were set on the portrait of her mother, Lady Dúlinnel.

“You might threaten me as much as you wish, dark spirit. And you might threaten me with my father’s death or mine,” she took a deep breath in, “but we do not fear it for we shall see Valinor after we die – a place where you are no longer welcome. And as much as I love my father, I know that he would rather die than allow me to forge such an abomination,” (Y/N) looked back at him again and Annatar’s fists clenched at her words as the muscles of his face twitched.

She could not be serious.

“You think you cannot be lured and tempted?” He smirked. “What about your great aunt, Lady Yestariel?”

“She… She is nothing but a fairytale,” (Y/N) shook her head. “She is a fairytale being told to young maidens as a warning… As a warning, so they know better and do not get seduced by the darkness. And I have listened to this fairytale many, many times. I shall not follow you and your commands anywhere for you are not the man I love…” (Y/N) sobbed as she said that because it was bringing her lots of pain to know that the love she had been receiving was nothing but a lie.

And even though Annatar smiled with pity at her, he was confused by his own reaction. Because some of his pity was genuine and the sight of her tears was unsettling to him. He did not want her to cry or resist him. He wanted her to follow him out of her own will.

“Let me show you,” he extended his hands but (Y/N) shook her head and tried to move away. “I just want to show you… the truth.”

“Nothing about you is the truth,” she remarked through her tears.

“Just let me,” Annatar did not listen to her at all and he grabbed her wrists as she groaned, trying to get away from his grasp. However, his fists were holding onto her so strongly that she gave up and that was when he showed her.

He showed her visions of his memories. He showed her Lady Yestariel, her great aunt, standing by Morgoth’s side. He showed her himself, watching Yestariel and twelve other Elves being tortured and changed into the first Uruks. He showed her Lady Yestariel’s eyes full of love and devotion whenever she laid them upon Morgoth. And he showed her Lady Yestariel’s fall as he was trying to reach her. He showed her all the memories he had from the First Age with her great aunt and a sister of her grandfather – Lord Commander Nillendur, who had died fighting the very evil his sister had chosen to follow.

(Y/N) gasped and took a step back as if Annatar’s touch was causing her physical pain. He let go of her and watched her confusion with satisfaction. Now she knew. She knew everything.

“You are He,” she whimpered, covering her lips with her fingers. “You are Sauron.”

“I have many names,” Annatar smiled at her maliciously, watching her whole world crumble down.

Everything she had believed and loved… Everything she had been dreaming of by her betrothed’s side… It had been nothing but the cruellest form of mockery.

“Why are you doing this to me?” She asked.

“I learnt from the best. I learnt from a God…” Annatar answered mysteriously. “When he sees the potential… He pushes them to the limits, he breaks them to rebuild,” he quoted his own words that he had said to Lady Yestariel about Morgoth. “You have the potential, my gentle darling.”

“You can kill me,” she breathed out to that. “I shall not take any part in your sorcery.”

“Yes, you will,” Annatar only said as he calmly turned around, approaching the doors. “I shall leave you here and the longer you hear their screams and cries, the more inclined you will be to forge me The Nine. And do not forget about your father either,” he added. “Good luck,” he smirked one more time before leaving her alone in her workshop.

Long hours passed and it was bright already when (Y/N) heard the doors open again. She expected no one else but Sauron himself, asking her about the progress. But it was not him – it was Mirdania.

She wondered how he had let that happen but considering the fact they were in the middle of a siege, it was quite acceptable for him to lose his focus on her for a moment.

“My Lady?” Mirdania asked, unsurely. “Are you hiding here?”

“I… I…” (Y/N) didn’t know what to answer.

She had been trying to get out of there but the doors had been locked and not even any of her tools had managed to open them. She had even considered jumping off of the tower but decided to not follow her mother’s steps and to prove the strength of her will. She simply had no idea how Mirdania managed to open the door – unless that was a part of Sauron’s plan as well…

But no – she refused to get paranoid.

“I am waiting for my father’s orders,” (Y/N) lied quickly.

“That is the thing, my Lady… Lord Celebrimbor is out of his mind, he acts as if the siege is not taking place. Lord Annatar is trying to help us but some of the commanders would rather wait for your orders,” Mirdania explained and (Y/N)’s heart skipped a beat at the mention of her betrothed’s name.

She opened her mouth to warn Mirdania about Annatar but then she realised she was on thin ice already. Her parents were both mad in the eyes of these people and she had her incidents as well. Now, in the middle of the attack, she was hiding inside the tower. If she was claiming now, all of the sudden, that the man she had been the most devoted to for the past few months was Sauron himself… Well, that could not possibly end well.

So, she had to straighten her back and simply pretend that everything was under control to calm her people down.

“I see,” she nodded. “Let me speak to Commander Malendrol,” she requested and followed Mirdania outside the tower.

To her surprise, there were no obstacles on the way. When she walked out of the tower and went into the courtyard, Commander Malendrol ran up to her immediately.

“My Lady, we are waiting for your orders,” he bowed his head at her.

“Who is leading the Orc’s attack?” (Y/N) asked, wanting confirmation of her suspicions.

“That man claiming to be the father of them – Adar,” Commander Malendrol answered, a little confused.

“I want to speak to him,” (Y/N) decided as Mirdania and the guard widened their eyes at her.

“My Lady!” Mirdania gasped. “That is too late to negotiate.”

“Has anyone tried?” (Y/N) raised an eyebrow.

“Herald Elrond, my Lady,” Commander Malendrol nodded at her.

“Let me as well. I am the Lady of Eregion since my father is… indisposed,” she insisted. “Send a messenger to Adar and tell him that Lady (Y/N) wishes to negotiate with him,” she told Commander Malendrol and then she hesitated. “Tell him to consider it… for the sake of his old friendship with Lady Yestariel. Adar will know what that is supposed to mean.”

Escorted by her guards that had been stripped of their swords, Lady (Y/N) walked through the muddy battlefield as the siege had stopped for a while and the Orcs kept staring at her with curiosity.

She did not feel safe by any means and the fact that Annatar had allowed her to get out of the tower, so far from the city, was more than worrying, she had to admit.

Still, she wanted to take her chance.

She spotted Adar approaching her from the opposite side and she recognised him immediately from the visions Annatar had shown to her before about her great aunt.

“Lady (Y/N),” Adar bowed his head slightly at the sight of her.

“Lord Father,” she tried to address him with respect and he cracked a smile before pointing at a tent to which he invited her.

She nodded her head at her guards and they allowed her to walk inside without them. Adar followed and they were left alone since no Orc was in there either.

“Thank you for still wanting to negotiate. Forgive my tardiness. My father is indisposed,” (Y/N) looked at Adar and watched him carefully.

“There is nothing to negotiate, Lady (Y/N). However, I could not deny your request after Lady Yestariel’s name was mentioned,” he sat down on one of the chairs but (Y/N) refused to sit down as she kept standing above him.

“What do you want of Eregion?” She asked. “I do not care if I live or die, I have lived for centuries, I have made sure my name will not be forgotten for I have mastered my humble craft. And I know that after I die, the light of Valinor awaits me. My people, however, the citizens of Eregion… Some of them are very young – they are children. They have not yet lived enough and they are far too young to understand. They are scared and in pain. I want it to stop,” she confessed as silent tears escaped her eyes.

“I want Sauron,” Adar answered, unbothered by her tears although his eyes kept following them streaming down her cheeks.

“I know who he is. I shall give him to you,” (Y/N) looked down at her hand where the silver ring still decorated her finger. She fidgeted with it nervously as she cracked a nervous smile. “Come with me, Lord Father,” she raised her eyes to lay them upon him. “I shall lead you inside Eregion and bring you to him. Spare my city and I shall give you Sauron.”

Long silence occurred and Adar kept watching her with his eyes squinted. She didn’t feel in danger around him but she could feel that he was not trusting her. She didn’t understand why, though.

“Why would I believe you? Is it not his ring you are wearing?” He snorted at her hand and she swallowed thickly.

“How do you know? I have been deceived… But I do not love Sauron,” she assured him, desperately.

“How can I be so sure that you are not willing to lead me into his trap? The way I see it, he was the one to send you here,” Adar explained.

“Why would I follow his orders? I hate him!” (Y/N) exclaimed, frustrated. “I want him dead as much as you,” she hissed out but she felt her heart quickening its pace at the realisation that she was trying to convince herself as much as him.

“He was the one to send you here… even if you do not realise that yet. Everything is a part of his scheme,” Adar told her softly and stood up to approach her. “You are far too gone now, my Lady; too entangled in his web,” he held her hands gently, squeezing the finger with Annatar’s silver ring on it. “Your great aunt was a dear friend of mine. We joined Morgoth together and we suffered together. I mourned her death.”

“And now, for the sake of the memory of her, can you not trust me?” (Y/N) tried to search for compassion in his cold eyes and she found it. But not in the way she expected.

“For the sake of the memory of her and because I have known Yestariel and her devotion to Morgoth, I know I cannot trust you a bit – even if I wanted to.”

(Y/N) was full of anger and frustration when she was on her way back to Eregion. The siege was supposed to go back to its full force in a few minutes since Adar had graciously granted her enough time to go back to her people before he would attack once again.

Her jaw was clenched and her eyes were burning with anger caused by her frustration. She truly had been thinking that Adar would help her and join her clever plan. However, Annatar kept destroying everything even when he was physically far away from her.

The moment she entered the city, she bumped into him – Annatar himself, looking as if the siege around him had not affected him at all because his robes and face remained clean. Even the whimsical bow in his blond hair seemed to be untouched. He looked down at her and greeted her with a warm smile.

“My love, I was told you had gone to negotiate with the Orcs? I have been so worried,” he put on a show in front of others.

“Oh, get out of my way,” (Y/N) pushed him away as everyone gasped, staring at her with widened eyes as she kept walking towards her tower.

“My Lord, are you alright?” Mirdania was by Annatar’s side in no time, offering him comfort after such a treatment from his betrothed. In fact, everyone pitied him – he made sure of that by putting on his hurt and confused expression.

“It is nothing,” Annatar assured her with a sad smile. “Lady (Y/N) is worried about the city and her father. Her annoyance is understandable.”

“We are all nervous, my Lord. She should have not acted this way towards you…” Mirdania insisted and Annatar took a deep breath in while trying to compose himself.

Once again he had been proved that the most devoted ones were always the most annoying ones as well.

He had to admit, he quite liked (Y/N)’s anger and the way she had pushed him. From that scared little mouse curling up on the floor beneath him, she quickly gathered her strength and courage and that was the most admirable.

“That is enough, Mirdania,” Annatar gave the smith a harsh, scolding look that took her aback. “We are in the middle of a siege and my relationship with Lady (Y/N) should not be one of your concerns. In fact, it should not be your concern at all. Now, forgive me, I should follow her for she seems to be upset.”

And as he said, he did, gathering his robe and hurrying up the stairs to (Y/N)’s workshop. 

The doors were ajar, so he only gently pushed them to see what she was doing and what he witnessed made him gasp softly.

(Y/N) was sitting on the ground, surrounded by all the tools she needed, the gemstones, metals and the cauldrons melting them. Her hands were shaking out of anger and one of her hands was cut open; bleeding all over the ingredients of the future Nine Rings she was forging. 

Hearing him walk inside, she looked up with fury and anger that sent a shiver down his spine. She had absolutely no idea how beautiful she looked but also how terrifying. Like a dark witch her great aunt had aspired to be.

Like a dark witch Sauron himself craved to have by his side; for her to command his armies of demons and shadows.

“I can play a game with you, too, shadow of Morgoth,” she drawled out through her gritted teeth. “You wish for my blood and its dark magic to seal your greatest creations? Let it be then,” she smirked as she squeezed her hand and allowed more of her blood to leak out. “Watch me curse myself for the usage of this forbidden craft. I care no more about what happens to me because, in the end, the last laugh will be mine, you fool,” her eyes sparkled at the sight of her blood mixing with the melting gold. Then, she looked up at him again. “You are forever bound with me now and for whatever you will use these Nine Rings – or The Seven that are allied to them – I shall be a part of your schemes forever now. My influence and my power is bleeding into these and you better beware while you use them for I swear to you… These Nine Rings will be your demise,” she finished her curse and used a thin spatula to mix the gold with her blood as she already reached out for the gemstones with her free hand.

Annatar had nothing to say at that. He only kept watching her in awe – witnessing her most beautiful craft and her most beautiful, terrific rage.

Oh, he was in love with her, he thought.

Now he was certain of it.

“These Rings are not my greatest creations,” he whispered. “You are.”

MASTERLIST

[rebeliz7]

THE SHADOW

Chapter 1: The Shadow

Pairing: Carol Danvers x Reader

Request: Where R is part of the Avengers and her and Carol have been friends with benefits for a while now but nobody knows. Carol keeps telling R that she wants something more serious and R keeps turning the idea down. One day R is kind of flirty with someone else and Carol snaps. Angsty discussion about their feelings + happy ending?

Word Count: 6026

…

Closing your eyes, you can’t help but smile as your legs tingle and the last wave of your latest orgasm washes over you blissfully. 

You take a moment to try to bring your breathing back to normal, smiling as warmth spreads in your chest. Is this happiness?  

God! That was so good, and you can’t stop smiling. 

You never knew sex could be like this, feel this way, but here you are. 

You really can’t stop smiling. 

“That was amazing.” You chuckle with a dry throat, and the action makes you blush. 

God, you were loud! Not that it matters, you’ve missed Carol so much in the last couple of days, and this was a perfect ‘welcome home’ surprise. 

“I’m glad you enjoyed it.” Carol sits up in her bed abruptly, and the tone of her voice has you opening your eyes with a sharp start, because contrary to you, she doesn’t sound happy at all. 

The icy tone and the sight of her back turned to you make you take a second look, and a heavy weight settles in the pit of your stomach instantly. 

You know what’s coming next, and you really should know better by now. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” You still ask her, as you sit up too and a cold breeze waves inside the room from the open windows. 

You press yourself against her back, wanting to soak up some of her natural warmth but she feels tense, her body’s rigid and you’re starting to regret tonight with intensity. 

You feel cold now too, and it’s not solely because of that opened window and the chilly August air. 

Shivering involuntarily, you wrap your arms around her waist from behind a little tighter and even press your lips on her shoulder blade in a soft kiss. However, the tension on her body’s expanding and she doesn’t react to your touch the way you want her to. 

“Why don’t you want to date me?” She asks you, hurt lacing the tone of her voice. Her question leaves you breathless, and frozen at the same time. 

The world seems to have stopped in the wake of your silence though. 

You want to give her what she wants, you do. 

Realizing you’re still hugging her, you pull your arms back and away from her, leaving her bed in a hurry.

You didn’t want to get into this tonight. Not tonight. 

She just came back from a mission that took her away from the Compound for almost ten days, and you were missing her. You wanted to catch up with her, you wanted to be alone with her for a little while, you wanted to make love to her and kiss her for every minute that she was away. 

But this? You didn’t want to do this tonight. 

Besides, you have a party to attend and you haven’t even begun to get ready. 

You'll be late already. 

You can feel her expectant eyes on you as you head to the in-suite, and you hate it. You hate that she keeps on hoping, that she keeps on waiting, that she keeps on denying to accept the reality in which you both live in. 

… 

When you emerge from her bathroom she’s waiting for you. 

She’s always waiting for you. 

She’s sitting on the edge of her bed and watching you intently, as if you hold her heart in the palm of your hands. She hasn’t moved an inch. 

“We’ve talked about this.” You tell her as you pick up your discarded clothes from the floor in a hurry, but when you look back up she’s still watching you. “I like what we have here. Don’t you like what we have here?”

“Of course I like it.” She hurries to say, trying and failing to smile.

You know she’ll keep doing this with you for however long you ask, and you know she’s terrified of that. You are too. 

Her eyes pull you in though, her beauty catching you by surprise again. You want her too much and she doesn’t know it, but you’d do anything for her---anything but what she’s asking right now. 

Looking away, you’re quick to put on your clothes, and when she finally stands up to walk closer to you, you feel like you should run out. 

You should run out, you’re good at that. 

However, she’s still wearing the strap you used and the toy between her legs distracts your planned escape, and you walk towards her out of instinct too. 

You undo the harness for her and you let it fall to the ground, all the while she just looks at you with downcast eyes that break you more than she’ll ever truly know. 

Your chest aches, and swallowing becomes painful. 

God! You really didn’t want to get into this tonight. 

Still, you try to bring things back to normal because you want to keep seeing her, you want to be able to still kiss  her in the mornings when no one is looking. God! You want to make her laugh when that door is closed, just so you can kiss the smile off her face. 

You really don’t want to lose her. Not her. 

“Then what’s the problem?” You ask her gently, because she’s expecting you to keep this conversation going, even if you refuse to look into her eyes and you both know how it’s going to end. 

You’re running out of excuses for her, and you really need her to move on from the topic because you can’t give her anything more than what you already have. You don’t know how to.

“I want to date you.” She enunciates, and you do look up then. 

She tells you this as if you hadn’t heard her before, as if she's speaking a foreign language and she wants to make sure that you understand what she’s saying. 

You hate her condescending tone, and you’re tempted to roll your eyes but you refrain from it. As always, she’s not seeing the point. 

You’re not the one refusing to listen here. She is. 

You really don’t know how to move on from this. You don’t know how to convince her that this is for the best. 

You’re at a loss, because you don’t want to lose her. 

“I like you, and I want to be able to kiss you and hold your hand in front of our friends. What’s wrong with liking what we have in front of others?” She asks and her nakedness is really distracting, but not enough to not make you see that she’s pushing this. 

“Carol, please. Don’t do this.” You place your hands on her chest before pressing yourself closer to her. You need her to understand you without having to reveal things that make you cringe just thinking about them. 

“I obviously like you too but I also like what we have here, just the two of us.”

“Why can’t we have this with the rest of the team knowing?” She practically pleads, and you step back from her space. She’s pushing and she knows it, and you don’t want to lose her. 

“Why can’t this be enough for you?” You want to know and she grabs a hold of your arms as an impulse, her eyes turn hard as she pulls you closer but you react too, and you push her away with a not so gentle push of your own. 

“Because I feel like a dirty little secret!” Her voice seems to echo in the otherwise quiet bedroom, and your heart practically breaks at seeing so much hurt reflected in her eyes. 

But she’s frowning, her jawline taunts so much that she’s holding back and you can’t take it. 

You know what you have to do. You know that you need to put a stop to this, before it gets too messy. You love her too much, and now you need to do what’s best for everyone. 

“Look Carol.” You take a deep breath as your heart shatters inside of your chest,  and she takes a step back from you instinctively. Your coming rejection seems to land on her even before you’ve said anything and you hate it, you hate all of it.  

“Don’t do this.” She begs with such a small voice, and you have to look away before you take it back. 

A part of you always knew this would come to an end, one way or another. She wants more from you, she’s wanted more from you for a while and you… you just didn’t have the courage to put an end to it when you had to.

Granted, you don’t want this to be over and that’s the truth. 

You love her and you want her, you want to be with her but the moment the rest of the team knows about this, they won’t accept it because you lost their trust a while back and you’re not anywhere near getting it back. 

You can feel your heart breaking, but you swallow down all that hurt and meet her eyes again. 

This is the right thing to do. 

“You’re my best friend in this place.” You tell her, hoping that she understands, and maybe - just maybe you won’t lose her completely after this. “You’re the only person that I can talk to right now. You know it, and you know that I never meant to make you feel like this. This was supposed to be fun for both of us.” 

“Don’t do this.” She begs one more time, but you have to get it out.

You know she can smell your bullshit from a mile away, but you just can’t give her something that you don’t know how to give right. 

You shouldn’t have let it come this far anyway. You shouldn’t have. 

“If this isn’t enough for you then we should stop seeing each other.” You tell her and she takes a deep breath, her face hardening as she looks at you. “If you want more than this, you’re free to get it somewhere else. I won’t stand in your way. I’m your friend, and your happiness is important to me.”

When you’re done speaking her face contorts in pure rage, and you feel like a dagger has stuck itself in your chest. You need her to not need you like this. You’re not - you’re not right.  

“I don’t need you to tell me what I can, or cannot do.” She growls in your face, making you take a step back with the sheer ferocity in her voice. 

You can’t date her, you can’t tell her that you’re ready for a relationship because you’re not, and Carol is too damn important for you to fuck it up like you did in the past. 

You thought you could have this, and it’d be enough. 

You’re so stupid. 

“Carol.” With a burst of confidence you push yourself back into her space, and force her to look at you with your hands on her face. 

Maybe you can still salvage some of this, maybe she just needs to know that you won’t go anywhere if you two can keep this the way it’s been so far.  

“Why are you so afraid of them knowing?” She asks you gently and you almost kiss her, if only to keep her quiet. 

Her hands are so warm on your waist, and the press of her fingers feels so real on your skin. She’s solid and safe, and you want nothing more than to be able to sink into everything that she is… but you can’t. 

“I’m not afraid.” You lie and she looks even sadder when she realizes that. 

You can’t tell her what happened. She won’t understand - no one else did. 

Your last and only real relationship showed you the mess you really are when it comes down to romantic relationships, and you don’t want Carol tangled up in all that.

Steve and Natasha know, they know that you can’t handle something real. They know because they were left to deal with the consequences of your mistakes not that long ago. 

Carol wasn’t on earth yet, but if she had been, you know for sure that neither one of you would be in this room today. 

The team knows what happened, because it was your actions that led the Avengers to lose a valuable member of the team. They know because they were angry and because they care about you, even when you don’t deserve it. 

The look in Carol’s eyes is devastating now, and you can see all the pain that you’ve just inflected in her by lying to her face. 

���You know what?” She pushes you away, but not unkindly, which is a hundred times worse. 

A part of you wants to hold on to her, beg and to selfishly keep her, but that wouldn’t be right. 

She’s always known when you’re lying anyway. She’s always had a sixth sense when it came to you, and reading you, even when you didn’t say anything at all. 

She’s angry now, her feelings overshadowing everything that she represents for you.  

“You’re right.” She tells you with a broken voice, and you swallow with difficulty. “ I do want more, and I am free to get it wherever I want.”

Her words cut through the fogginess of your brain, like a well sharpened knife would do against bread. She’s aiming to hurt you in response to her own pain, and it works. 

Looking into her eyes, you realize that there’s nothing left to save here. She was never just a friend, but she’ll never be more than that either.  

…

You stand in front of your mirror for long minutes. The idea of changing your outfit crosses your mind a couple of times, but you can’t keep wanting to impress a group of people that are already disappointed in you. They won’t think any different of you, even if you showed up wearing a golden gown tonight. 

You don’t plan to stay long anyway. 

You arrive late, and the party is already in full swing. There are at least two hundred people crowding the penthouse, and you didn’t even know that Steve knew this many faces but here you are. 

You were supposed to be present for the welcoming toast, but you’re glad that’s out of the way now. You’re only here to make a quick appearance, and then you’ll leave. 

You don’t want to be celebrating anything when you’ve just lost the one good thing that’s happened to you in, well, you don’t know how long.

“Glad you made it.” Steve says, when he finds you by the bar. He still kisses your cheek the same way he used to, the only difference now is that he can’t look you in the eye anymore. 

It’s more like a habit that he can’t break out of at this point, and you both carry on with it. 

You should have gone and found him earlier, wish him a happy birthday and maybe offer him a present. You did none of those things. 

“Happy birthday, old man.” You smile at him hesitantly, and he gives you a small amused smile in return. He pats your arm awkwardly, clearly wanting to say more, but he just leaves. 

He hasn’t been able to be around you for longer than a minute since you returned, forget actually talking to you. You don’t blame him though. 

Steve and Natasha were the closest thing that you had to a family, or what you believe could have been family. He was your big brother in a sense, it certainly felt like that’s the role he adopted towards you when you first came in. 

Beth was a new addition to the team, younger than you and fun. God, she was fun. 

She had the ability to control the weather, and she fell for you the moment you kissed her on the rooftop as a joke. 

You’d never been involved with someone before, but you tried for her, you tried so hard to be what she wanted. Even when you had no idea of what you were doing. 

She fell for you immensely and irrevocably, and you saw it happening with fear gripping every inch of you. You couldn’t do anything to stop her feelings from growing the way they did. 

She was the strongest among you, and you loved her too, just not the way she wanted to be loved by you. 

You still had fun together, and she was the kind of person that could always put a smile on anyone’s face without even trying, including yours. Especially yours. 

You tried and you tried, but circumstances played a part in your fall out. You couldn’t be what she wanted and she couldn't depend on you because you’re not a dependable person. At least not in that way.  

Your fights were always explosive and destructive. When she screamed, you screamed louder and when she said something particularly hurtful you’d just stop talking to her altogether. And you didn’t have to worry, because she always came back to you with an apology in her lips and tears in her eyes, and it’ll be alright. 

When the roles were reversed and you spitted hateful things at her just to get her to leave you alone, you still didn’t worry because you never apologized. You didn't know how to. 

All you did was climb on her bed in the middle of the night, and she’d let you hug her tight, but you never apologized.

When she told you that the X-Men had tried to recruit her, she asked you to give her a reason to stay with the Avengers and you couldn’t. You knew what she wanted to hear and you loved her, but you didn’t want her to stay because of you and you weren’t ready to sacrifice everything you’ve found for her.

It was downhill from that moment on. You could see that she was fading away right before your eyes, and you wanted her to be happy but you didn’t want her happiness to become your responsibility, you weren’t ready for that. 

Eventually she grew tired of being - whatever she was for you. 

Everyone saw it too. Steve asked you to fix things, and Natasha told you to think about what you were doing. 

But you didn’t know what you were doing, you weren’t ready for that kind of relationship, you weren’t ready to be with someone no matter how badly you wanted it. 

By the time you finally left, Beth was already a shell of the person you once knew. When you came back she was gone, and Steve was disappointed in you for running and you still couldn’t master an apology, not even for him. 

… 

“There you are.” Natasha’s voice scares away the cloud of regrets hanging over your head, and you look to your left to see her standing next to you. She still smiles at you the same way she used to, and you still feel undeserving of her love. 

“How was the toast?” You ask her, and she hums as she steals your beer and takes a generous sip. 

“It was fine.” She shrugs as she gives you your beer back. When you meet her eyes you’re instantly thrown because she’s giving you that look, the one that means that she knows everything you’re trying to conceal. It makes your skin prickle. “I thought you weren’t gonna show up.”

“I almost didn’t.” You admit, and she grins at you. 

Natasha is the most important person in your life. She’s always loved you, no doubt about that, but she’s disappointed too, even if she’s trying her hardest to move on. You became her little sister, and she became protective of you. 

The team would have done anything for you, they loved you and you’re simply not deserving of their love.   

“Something happened earlier?” She asks but you’re under no pretense here, you know that she knows exactly what you and Carol have been up to. The only reason why she hasn’t said or done anything is because once upon a time she loved you fiercely enough to put herself on the line for you. 

Maybe she still does, you wouldn’t know anymore. 

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” You retort and she pins you down with a hard glare.

She struggles with what to say for a moment but then you see her deflating, and she just ends up taking another sip from your beer before she squeezes your shoulder lightly.

“Just be careful, okay?” She says, and you nod rigidly. 

You try to mingle, you speak with a few people but you can only do it for a couple of minutes before you’re walking out to the spacious balcony with the first bottle of liquor you could find behind the bar.

On your way there you spot Carol laughing at something that Steve is saying, and your heart aches at the sight of them. She’s your best friend, she’s come to know you better than anyone else has and yet the sight of her laughing with Steve makes you irrationally jealous. 

That’s your big brother, the one guy that now can’t stand you, but Carol seems to fit right into the team. She looks at home and the longer you stare, the more you realize that you might not belong here after all.  

You down drink after drink but no matter how fast you do it, you can’t numb any of the pain threatening to eat you alive from the inside out. 

Out of all the worst things that Hydra did to you, this must be on the top three. Not being able to get drunk, when you just want a quick escape without actually running away. 

Maybe you’re exaggerating anyway, Hydra did unspeakable things to you, to turn you into what they wanted you to be. A perfect weapon. 

Refusing to let your brain take you down that particular path of horrible memories, you focus back on your present. 

You don’t know why you keep doing this, there is nothing after you anymore, you’re free of Hydra but you know that deep down you haven’t assimilated it. The thought of being whoever you want to be is still a foreign concept to you. 

You know that your life's your own now, the Avengers saved you all those years ago. You are no longer a weapon of Hydra, they have no claim over you anymore, there is no one keeping you on any leashes now. 

You’re free. Only you don’t know what that word actually means. 

They still made you who you are, didn’t they? You still are that subject that survived their crazy experiments. You’re still a weapon, even if you’re using your abilities to do good now, even if you call yourself an Avenger. 

You’re still The Shadow, and you’re still that destruction weapon that they created you to be. You destroyed your relationship with Steve, with Natasha and now with Carol too. 

You know that the only reason why you’re still here is because of the things that you can do but the Avengers don’t trust you, not anymore because that’s what you do, that’s what you are. You are destruction, and that’s all there is in your path. 

… 

“You look like you could use some company.” A woman says, and you’re already smiling even before you see her face. 

“Jessica Jones.” You smile, and she rolls her eyes when you go for a hug. She doesn’t return it but she’s smiling when you pull back. 

“Why are you so moppy? I thought this was a party.”

“The party is in there. There’s only booz out here. You gotta choose.”  

She eyes the open door of the balcony but her smile grows bigger when she looks back at you. “I choose whiskey.” She shrugs easily and you click your tongue.

“My type of girl.” You serve her a drink and she downs it just like you would, without a flinch and no hesitation. 

In the distance, fireworks are starting to go off, everyone seems to be celebrating this fourth and you two watch the lights of different colors alight the skies in silence, for a little while. 

“Things are still awkward here, I take it.” She says conversationally and you huff, subtlety isn’t really her thing, nor yours. 

She only knows a lot about what happened because you crashed on her couch for a week when you ran away from here, and you were still trying to get back on your feet.

“I haven’t officially apologized, so yeah.” You have another drink, and serve her another one too as she nods.

You two are the only ones wearing leather and boots, if you were to walk inside the party again together you’d stand out like sore thumbs.

“You’re a shitty friend.” She tells you sincerely and you chuckle dryly. That’s more accurate than anything you’ve heard today. “But a good lay, I’d give you that.”

“Are you fishing for a repeat performance, Jones?” You tease her and she gets in your space, never one to shy away from flirting. 

“You’re the one that obviously needs to take her mind off whatever it is that has you like this.” Her hair flips with the wind, and you place your free hand on her cheek.

You slept together twice, years ago and nothing ever got complicated about it. She gets you in a way that no one else has ever been able to, and you miss that. 

“Oh, honey. I’ve missed you too.” You tease her and she laughs, but she still presses herself against you.

“You wish.” She laughs but her voice is just a tad lower than usual as she leans forward and you run your thumb on her cheek. 

You maintain eye contact as she continues to lean closer to you, but even with all that bravado she’s the one to break first and you both burst out laughing.

You’ve missed her and her dark, almost always edging on inappropriate humor. This is going nowhere and you both know it, but you still test the waters every time you see each other. For good times sake and nothing more. 

“What the hell!” The voice is booming, it screams at every instinct in your body to go on the defensive, but you recognize it too. 

Carol’s standing a few feet away from you, angry and eyes blazing fire, and not caring that she’s making a scene. 

“What?” You ask, struggling to catch up. 

Your brain’s telling you that what she saw didn’t look good, you two never made anything official, but you still knew how she feels. 

She’s looking at you accusatorily, as if she knows exactly what she saw and what it means, and you already hate it. Whatever you say from this point on will only serve to feed into her anger, and you really didn’t want to do this tonight. Any of this. 

“Calm down, glowy fists.” Jessica’s voice pulls you out of whatever haze you fell under, and you notice Carol’s fists enveloped by her powers. 

She’s one second away from blasting Jessica into a new reality when you step forward, shielding her with your body and getting into Carol’s line of sight again. 

“What are you doing?” You ask her, even though you know very well what she’s doing. 

“So it’s me then?” She asks you, her powers dissolving into nothing and her voice breaking at the end of that question. 

A part of you wants to explain yourself, tell her that Jessica is a friend and nothing more, but Carol’s not your girlfriend. 

One thing’s clear though, you two can’t be friends. There’s no going back, you can’t salvage anything here. Carol’s no longer your closest friend, that ended when you two got in bed months ago.  

“This isn’t what it looks like, Carol.” You tell her, hoping that she’d follow your lead and remain calm, you don’t need to make a scene. 

A few heads are already turning, more preoccupied with your conversation than Steve’s birthday party now. 

“I’m not stupid!” Carol growls in your face, still angry and loud. God! So loud.  

You’re trying your hardest but when you notice Steve standing to the side of the balcony, his disappointment so obvious for you to see, something within you snaps. 

The look makes you feel exposed and vulnerable, and none of those emotions have ever aligned well with you. 

Your anger is quick to rise to the surface, and you take it out on the only person that doesn’t really deserve it. 

“Only you are.” You tell Carol, soft and low but not any less biting. She flinches back, visibly so but she’s not done.  

“Who is this?” She asks you next, making your friend huff in annoyance while the skies alight with fireworks behind your backs. It’s the fourth of July after all. 

“A friend.” You tell her Carol, still cutting and trying to pretend that the Avengers aren’t gathering around you now. “An old friend, nothing more.”

You add the last part deliberately, hoping she gets what you’re trying to say but you have no luck. 

A lone tear rolls down Carol’s cheek silently, breaking your heart and making you feel guiltier than you already felt, but just as you take a step closer to her she takes off flying before you can stop her. 

The silence that follows her departure is deafening. One moment you’re looking into her eyes and the next you’re staring into an empty space.

You can’t breathe--you can’t breathe. 

… 

Steve’s booming voice pierces through the fogginess of your brain, he’s angry but what else is new?

Carol flew away because she couldn’t stand here and look at you. She left because she thought she saw something, and she’s probably convinced that she means nothing to you, which couldn’t be further from the truth. 

You can’t breathe. 

Steve is angry, his hands motioning everywhere while Natasha tries to mediate and maybe you should really snap out of it and help her. 

You really can’t breathe, or maybe you’re just gonna be sick. 

Jessica grabs your elbow when you double down, hands pressing on your lower stomach and she pulls you up, her confusion and worry making you feel even worse. 

Steve’s still screaming, Natasha’s too and Tony seems to be yelling too at this point. 

What did you do?

You can’t do this to the team again, you can’t.

You can’t breathe. 

“Hey, hey. You’re okay.” Jessica tells you, but it doesn’t take much of an effort to shake her hold on your arm. 

Without a second thought you throw yourself from the balcony. 

The wind on your face feels almost liberating as you free fall, but you reach the pavement faster than you anticipated and the ground where you land, breaks around you. 

You run.  

… 

The need to find Carol possesses you and you look everywhere you can think of, but it’s all in vain. She’s an intergalactic being and she could literally be on mars for all you know. 

Your phone rings unceasingly, but none of the callers are the person you’re trying to desperately find. When the sound becomes too much, you toss your phone in the Hudson River and continue on you way. 

Everything happens for a reason, right? Isn’t that how the saying goes? Maybe this happened for a reason too, maybe this is for the best. 

You’ve disappointed the team one last time, maybe they’ll be better off without you.    

…

You end up taking a job outside of the team, a job that takes you back to some of the things that you used to do so well when you were under Hydra’s thumb. 

When that goes well, you take another, and then another. 

Three weeks go by, and if it weren’t for the constant pain in your chest you’d almost be able to fool yourself into believing that the Avengers never happened, that Carol never happened. 

But she finds you in Berlin, just when you’re about to hit your new target. 

You see her landing a few feet away from you, you feel her and you want nothing more than to look back and see her, but you deny yourself. 

Three weeks have given you the clarity that you needed to break ties, and you can’t throw them away. 

“What?” You growl at her direction, making it clear that you’re annoyed by her presence. You lower your rifle, just as she walks to stand right in front of you. 

Three weeks have also made you more than determined. You know what you need to do, which is why you were expecting her, have been expecting her.  

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” She demands to know, and you sit back to take a better look at her. 

She’s wearing her uniform, her hair is shorter than the last time you saw her and she looks utterly and rightfully pissed. The whole image only makes you want to run, leave her like she left you that day without looking back. 

“If you’re here to bring me in, do it. If you’re here to reminisce, you can go back the same way you came.” You tell her, and her face morphs into pure confusion. 

You find her almost adorable, almost. She doesn’t know this part of you. None of them do. 

“Is this what you’ve been doing? Gone on a killing spree?”

“It’s what I’m good at, and the money is good.” You shrug, and her mouth falls open in shock but no words come out. 

“Do you feel like you don’t know me?” You ask her cruelly, perhaps even amusedly. “That’s because you don’t, babe.”

“So this is what you are now? What have you become?” She asks and you hate the softness in her tone, you hate that you can so obviously see that she still cares. 

“This is who I’ve always been.” You remind her kindly, if a bit mocking. “Do you still want to date me, honey?” You mock her openly, and she flinches back. 

The truth is, she’s the most powerful weapon the earth has on its ranks and you are not about to be the reason why she leaves the Avengers, or leave earth unprotected ever again.

Somewhere deep inside of you, you always knew that neither Steve or Natasha would ever ask you to leave because that’s what family is for, right? 

Family is always there? 

You had to be the one to leave, because you went from having Hydra control your every move to having the Avengers trying to shape you into something better, and because of that you have no idea of what you truly are. 

They’ll do fine without you, and you need to be on your own if you ever want to be able to find yourself. This is your path. You were meant to be alone. 

“Why are you doing this?” Carol asks and your heart breaks right along with hers, it seems. “You need to come home. Steve is about to lose his mind and Natasha hasn’t stopped looking for you. Tony is not doing any better either. Everyone is looking for you.”

You knew that, but you had to keep your eyes on the big picture. This is it, this is what matters. The team is what matters, and keeping earth protected is what matters. 

“They don’t call me The Shadow just because I like to wear black clothes, babe.” You smirk at her direction, and she frowns.

“Just please, come home.” She asks you, but you catch movement in your target’s place out of the corner of your eye and you pick up your rifle in a rush. 

“What do you think you’re doing?!” She takes the rifle from your hands, and if she were anyone else you’d fight her for it but you’re not delusional. The last thing you want to do is fight her. 

“Target’s walking away.” You casually tell her. You’ll find him later at his mistress’s house. You’ll get the job done tonight, because the client already paid and you have a reputation to keep. 

“I’m sorry if I pushed too hard.” She says, and the apology hits you just like a stray bullet would. 

Her words make you stomach hurt and you lose your breath, your eyes pool with unshed tears and your throat closes up. All wonderful signs of feelings that you absolutely adore. 

You don’t give into the devastation that seems to want to devour you all the way from within though, because you owe it to everyone to do this, at least. 

“It wasn’t you, it was me.” You tell her with a mocking smile and tone. Her frown deepens, feeling insulted. . 

You need her to leave, you need her to realize that you are not a right match for her. You never were, and you never will be. 

“Just come back, please.” She still begs, and you jump to you feet. You need her gone now, or you won’t be able to get through it. 

“You couldn’t just enjoy the fuck, could you?” You snarl at her, and she flinches back. “I’m not going back and unless you’re here to take me there by force then you can leave me the fuck alone.”

You pick up your rifle and your bag from the floor, and you force yourself to walk away without looking back. Your tears cloud your vision, and your heart feels like it’s breaking in half with each step that you take, but you don’t look back.

...

[cobaltperun]

Woe out the Storm (4) - Back in Black

Wednesday Addams x female Reader

Summary: It took some time, but eventually you came to realize only Wednesday Addams could look at the raging storm of chaos and destruction and make a home out of it. Only she could listen to the cacophony of the roaring thunder and hear a melody.

Story warnings: Wednesday Addams, violence, slow burn

Story Masterlist / First part / Previous part / Next part

Word count: 3.6k

-I got nine lives, cat's eyes, abusin' every one of them and running wild-

Thing failed to find out who was the one disguising as Rowan, he did his best, but the imposter slipped into the crowd and Thing lost sight of them. So, you were kind of back to square one since Rowan was officially gone and the shapeshifter didn’t need to pretend they were him anymore. You could argue your situation got even worse, as you didn’t know who you could trust. Well, that hardly bothered Wednesday, because, as she said, she trusted no one anyway.

Well, that one stung.

That night you came back to your room to find Enid kneeling on the floor with her fists balled up and hitting the bed, sobbing hysterically. “Enid?! What happened?!” you ran up to her, You’ve never seen her this upset unless it had something to do with her mother. Even that was back when you met her! After the first Parents weekend she had!

“My life is over, Y/N!” she wailed as she turned and more or less just rammed into you with how hard she threw herself into your arms.

You gasped, the air knocked out of you, but you managed to rub circles into her back, hoping to soothe her at least a bit as her tears stained your shirt. You weren’t entirely comfortable with people crying on you, but you figured it would be fine. “We’ll figure things out, okay?”

It was terrifying how fast she flipped the switch and looked at you, hopeful and happy all of a sudden. Enid flipping between moods like that usually meant trouble for you. It made you dread her next words. “You’ll take Yoko’s place?! Thank you, Y/N!” she threw her arms around your neck and hugged you tightly. “You’re the best!”

You froze completely. Yoko’s place? The Poe Cup? The canoe race? The lake?! “No! Nope! No way! None of that!” you abruptly pushed Enid away and took several steps back. You were met with Enid’s eyes, all big, expressive and filled with tears, complete with a pout on her face. “None of those puppy eyes either! They won’t work on me on this!” you cried out pointed a finger at her, firmly maintain your position on this as your heart hammered against your chest at the mere thought of being close to that much water.

She bowed down her head and clasped her hands together. “Please! Y/N, my whole life depends on this!”

You blinked several times, unable to believe what you were hearing. “And my life depends on not doing it!” you exclaimed incredulously.

“Please?” she tried with extra puppy eyes, batting her eyelashes and damn near making crocodile tears fall from her eyes.

“Enid there’s water involved! Sorry I don’t feel like drowning!” you were not budging on this, no way. Not worth dying for. You were terrified of huge bodies of water, well, any water scared you, but anything even ten times as small as the lake was the stuff of nightmares!

Enid looked up, genuine tears once again filling her eyes. “You won’t drown!” Enid at least had the dignity to pause for a second before saying that. “No one drowned in the Poe Cup!”

“I will! I can’t swim!” you exclaimed just as the window opened and Wednesday came in. How did she even climb up to the window in the first place?

“Wednesday, help me convince her!” Enid searched for back up in the last person you figured she would. “She needs to take Yoko’s place!”

You covered your eyes with your left hand and groaned. Enid should have known better.

“Why?” Wednesday asked. She was actually humoring Enid’s request? Well, that was unexpected.

“Yoko had a garlic bread incident at the dinner, she had a major allergic reaction which means she’s out of the Poe Cup! And I don’t have a co-pilot because Y/N won’t take her place!” Enid declared accusingly pointing a finger at you.

“Of course I won’t! I can’t swim!” you repeated as you threw your hands down in frustration. This was pointless, you were not going to participate, and thus you were already turning around and making your way to your part of the room. You weren’t about to argue about this.

“You can’t swim?” Wednesday asked clearly puzzled by the lack of such a basic skill.

You turned back to look at her and just shrugged. “I feel excruciating pain and light up like a Christmas tree when too much rain falls on me. The hell do you think happens if I fall into a lake?” you nodded, seeing Wednesday piece it together. “Exactly. Look, if the only way I’m getting somewhere is by a boat, I’m not getting there, I don’t care if someone is about to kill everyone I care about, if I have to risk falling into any body of water they are on their own! It’s their fault for getting caught in the first place!” were you being way too dramatic? Absolutely. Were you serious? One hundred percent. Nothing could make you approach any bigger body of water. Especially not a school competition.

“Y/N!” Enid whined, desperately trying to fill up the co-pilot position on her team.

You turned to her and pointed a finger at her. “No, you hear me? It’s a simple two letter word. No!”

“Can’t you just zap to the shore if we start sinking?” was Enid actually trying to tell you a cup was the most important thing at the moment?

You felt your eye twitching you were going to get a headache at this rate, and all because Enid was being unreasonable about this. “I’m not even going to entertain that thought,” even if you weren’t scared of water there would be no containing the burst of lightning that would happen if you fell into the water. How couldn’t Enid see that your canoe sinking meant not only you drowning but likely her and everyone else in the water close to you?

“You and I are going to take her down tomorrow,” Wednesday suddenly said and while you were genuinely surprised you looked at the goth girl like she was your very own savior.

Besides, between you and Wednesday, all of you knew who was a better option for a no rules race against Bianca. Especially since Wednesday had a personal vendetta to settle.

“Wait, you’re joining the Black Cats?” Enid was just as surprised as you were. She got way to close into Wednesday’s personal space, prompting the girl to back away a step. “You’re willing to do that? For me?”

“I want to humiliate Bianca so badly that the bitter taste of defeat burns in her throat,” Wednesday said with a sense of finality you haven’t heard from her before.

“Somehow I’m not surprised,” you commented evenly, even if you were incredibly happy Enid would stop trying to get you to join the team.

“Yeah, but mostly you’re doing it because we’re friends, right?” Enid kind of got the wrong idea.

“Just let her have this,” you said to Wednesday and she glared at you. Well, at least it was just a regular glare and not a death glare.

Wednesday turned around, probably uncomfortable due to Enid’s infamous puppy eyes. “Tell me how she keeps winning,”

“It’s a real brain cramp. The past two years no other boat has made it across and back without sinking,” and Enid still wanted you in the boat. Despite knowing that. And knowing how you were with water.

“Sounds like sabotage,” Wednesday noticed, which granted, wasn’t a difficult conclusion to reach.

That got Enid thinking. “There are no rules in the Poe Cup, and she is a siren, which makes her master of the water.”

“Then we just need to beat her at her own game,” Wednesday decided.

Maybe you’d actually watch this time. In a tree, at least two hundred feet away from the lake. Away from all the water.

~X~

And you did watch, from the exact position you thought you would.

“Y/N! Come on! At least cheer from the stands!” Enid yelled up at you.

“You’re barking up the wrong tree Enid! This is as close as I’ll approach the lake!” you yelled back from your spot up in the tree. You had everything you needed, binoculars to watch the race, and a tiny version of the Black Cats’ flag stuck in the branch you were sitting on. As far as you were concerned this, roughly two hundred feet from the lake, was as close as you’d come.

You couldn’t exactly see it, but you were sure a Enid’s eye twitched at your behavior. “You’re being irrational!”

You were also safe from the water. “Exactly! Now let me be!” oh you understood full well just how irrational you were being. Understanding and acting in a way that would change that were, however, two entirely different things.

Enid groaned, threw her arms up in the air in frustration and stomped back to her team. You watched as the teams got into their boats and you felt nothing but dread at the mere thought of being in one of those. Water beneath you, water all around you and the boat very likely to be sunken the only thing keeping you alive. Well, you were sure Wednesday figured out a way to win, but if it was you you’d be a panicking mess that would barely be able to row.

You watched the race, flinching when an axe swung over Enid and Wednesday’s heads. Yup. Forget drowning, you’d be decapitated from how much you’d be panicking right there. You wouldn’t even have the mental capacity to duck.

That would be an embarrassing way to die.

Every time a boat sunk, regardless of who it belonged to, you looked away. Finally, after what felt like eternity, the only ones left were Enid and Wednesday’s team and Bianca’s team. You bit your lower lip as something seemed to push their boat away from Bianca’s. Enid would never forgive herself if she lost this close to victory and, somehow, you figured Wednesday wouldn’t be much different. Especially after what she said last night and the way Bianca defeated her in fencing in her first week here.

Somehow the pushing stopped, probably something Thing did because no one on the team moved and the Black Cats managed to catch up and make Bianca’s boat sink, thus, with being the only ones left, there was no doubt who won. “Hell yeah!” you cheered, pumping your fists up in the air so hard you nearly fell off the branch.

~X~

Somehow you couldn’t say you were surprised that almost the entire school cheered for Ophelia Hall’s victory. Well, from what you could see it was more for Bianca’s loss, but still, you doubted Enid, who was soaking up all the attention and smiling back at the students, was complaining.

Wednesday didn’t look so pleased. In fact, she looked like she was in an ever worse mood than she usually was. She looked uncomfortable actually, now that you took a closer look. Finally, it looked like she reached the breaking point and left the crowd.

You gave her a minute and then went after her. You could understand on some level that she felt uncomfortable given the situation. You didn’t expect to find her sitting on the ground, leaning back against the Edgar Allan Poe’s statue. She looked a bit distraught, and you realized just how uncomfortable she was with everyone looking and smiling at her. She needed to get away from the crowd and for a moment you considered leaving her alone, but she likely already noticed you, so there was no going back.

“Overwhelmed?” you approached her carefully, ready to leave at the smallest sign she didn’t want you there.

“Unsettled,” she corrected you and opened her eyes to look at you, but otherwise didn’t show any negative reactions to your presence. You still let your eyes turn red to make it clear it really was you.

You nodded at that, smiling just a bit at her and motioning to a spot half a dozen feet away from her. “Do you mind if I sit with you? I’ll leave if you do, you just need to say a word.”

Wednesday watched you for a few moments. “I don’t mind,” she eventually replied, so you sat there, as silent as she was. Maybe it was because she didn’t mind you were a raiju, or maybe there was just something about her, but you felt at peace around Wednesday. There was just something predictable about her. Well, maybe predictable wasn’t the right word, but there were patterns in her behavior, she was cold, but she was honest, when you interacted with Wednesday you knew exactly what not to expect and that was enough. Maybe it was the way everything about her contrasted everything about your powers. Loud to her quiet. Brief bursts of energy to her consistent and constant flow. Bright to her dark. Destruction to her creation.

Wednesday looked up and suddenly seemed to shift all of her attention to the statue. “Y/N,” she spoke your name and you just realized that this was the first time you heard her say your name. You actually liked how she said it.

“Hmm?” you tilted your head to the side, waiting for her to explain what she noticed.

“What are you doing down here?” Enid burst the bubble you two created as well as prevented Wednesday from telling you what she found.

“Hiding. People keep randomly smiling at me. It’s unsettling,” Wednesday explained as she got up and you took that as your cue to get up as well.

“It’s called having your moment! You took down Bianca Barclay, try to enjoy it,” Enid led the two of you back to the pentagon wrongly named Quad. “The girls wanna know if you wanna hang out later. Oh, come on, it won’t kill you.”

“I’ll think about it,” Wednesday replied after a brief thought.

“Great!” Enid went back to other girls from Ophelia Hall.

“So, what did you see?” you finally asked, bringing focus back to the moment before Enid showed up.

“I’ll tell you later,” Wednesday decided when she noticed Weems approaching the two of you.

~X~

That later didn’t quite come, at least not before you fell asleep, completely unaware of Wednesday's plans for that night. You were a light sleeper, you had to be, otherwise you could risk not noticing rain or storm until it was too late. So, when you heard the window opening your eyes snapped open and you carefully took the covers off. A brief look around the part of the room you could see made you notice Wednesday wasn’t in her bed. “Wednesday?” you called out, loud enough for her to hear if she was the one that came in, but not loud enough to wake Enid up.

The silence followed by footsteps heading toward Wednesday’s deck was all the answer you needed. With a sigh you pushed your body off the bed and changed into a red T-shirt and black trousers, there was no way Wednesday would take you seriously in pajamas, even if they weren’t nearly as colorful as Enid’s.

The first thing you noticed when you rounded the corner was the book she opened on her table. “Is that the book you were looking for?” you walked over to the table and, mostly instinctively placed a hand on the back of Wednesday’s chair as you leaned forward to look at it.

“Yes,” Wednesday replied, for now not reacting to your proximity. You weren’t touching her, so maybe this was fine. She flipped the pages until she reached a half ripped picture and set the half she took from Rowan next to it.

“Crackstone?” you couldn’t help but recognize the man on the picture.

“You know who this is?” Wednesday immediately turned to you and you took a step back, realizing now just how close the two of you were.

You went and leaned back against the wall next to her desk. “You don’t live in Jericho for four years and somehow avoid learning about him. Jericho’s founding father, from what I heard he despised outcasts. Nearly wiped them out four centuries ago,” you explained, but it didn’t make sense. How was a man that lived all that time ago related to Wednesday?

“How do I learn more about him?” Wednesday asked, for a moment you felt nervous at having all of her attention on you.

“Uh, The Pilgrim World might be a good start,” you figured. “Just find a way to get volunteer work over there and I guess you’re all set. I’ll trade with you if I get it and you don’t. Though, knowing Weems neither of us are getting it.”

“Why?” there was that small head tilt again.

“She’ll probably want to keep me close, so I don’t get into trouble again this year and I don’t think she’d put you in The Pilgrim World, in case you end up causing trouble,” you grinned a bit, but there was a good chance Enid would get it, so not all hopes were lost. “Now, how about you tell me why you didn’t bring me along?”

Wednesday looked down at the picture. “This doesn’t concern you,” she stated evenly.

You rolled your eyes. “Like hell it doesn’t. Someone killed Rowan, who tried to kill you, and you are my roommate, you might need a lightning beast as back up against oversized Gollum,” you replied, resisting the urge to cross your arms and take a more defensive stance.

“I don’t intend to rely on you,” okay, that stung, why did she have to be this stubbornly independent to the point of wanting to do everything by herself?

“Why not?” you still asked, wondering if you could have a proper conversation with Wednesday about the topic.

“Man can will nothing unless he has first understood that he must count on no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth,” your eyes widened as she said that, as if reciting her own personal rules in life.

You grinned widely, recognizing the quote. “Yet he sounds almost entirely different when talking about love,” the stoic mask broke for a few moments as Wednesday, surprised at your words, actually blinked a few times, averting her gaze from you. “It's quite an undertaking to start loving somebody. You have to have energy, generosity, blindness. There is even a moment right at the start where you have to jump across an abyss: if you think about it you don't do it,” you fired back with a quote, one that she clearly recognized.

“Such sentiments fit my parents, not me,” Wednesday looked you in the eyes, fierce, a cold flame burning within them.

“No, I guess it doesn’t. Which one does then? Aside from the one you just quoted at me?” you knew you were pushing, but the hint of intrigue and wonder in her eyes made you keep doing it. Made you push until you pushed too far, regardless of where that might lead you.

“Hell is other people,” a simple, short quote, and you had to admit it told you a lot about Wednesday, probably more than she dared to realize.

“Ah, I see,” you nodded, smiling right at her. “I'm going to smile, and my smile will sink down into your pupils, and heaven knows what it will become,” once again she avoided your gaze. “We’re saying the same thing, just with different words. I think there’s a lot of beauty in that,” you didn’t dare phrase it as a question, you just glanced outside the window before looking at Thing. He seemed uncertain of what he was witnessing at the moment. Was it a side of Wednesday he didn’t get to see often? If so, you felt a sense of pride at that.

“Perhaps,” Wednesday agreed after some silence. “I prefer to stay away from that phrasing,” there was something different in her eyes at the moment. Was the fact you went and repeatedly quoted Sartre back at her that impactful?

“Of course. You are you, nothing else would fit,” you dared to take a step closer to her, leaning against the side of her table. “Say, Wednesday,” you motioned toward the picture with your head. “What kind of life will begin on the other side of this?” you asked her.

“Bold of you to assume this will qualify as despair,” she retorted, showing once again just how well she knew Sartre. ‘Life begins on the other side of despair,’ Sartre once said and that picture looked like despair to you. A desperate situation where the fate of the entire school, filled with werewolves, sirens, gorgons, vampires, a school that had you, a raiju, still rested on the back of one girl that wasn’t a part of any of those groups.

You looked her in the eyes, losing every sense of time, it could have been a minute, or an hour. You didn’t know how drowning felt, but somehow you decided you were drowning in her eyes. In those black, emotionless eyes… Somehow, during that night, you felt as if something shifted just slightly between the two of you.

And you weren’t sure either of you realized it.

A/N: So, between being sick at the moment and my free time significantly dropping soon enough I'll try to get chapter 5 in a few days and after that, the story will have to slow down a bit. I'll try to get a chapter out once a week, but there's no way I'll be able to repeat the Lost update pace. Thanks for reading, see you next time!

Story Masterlist / First part / Previous part / Next part

[vickyvicarious]

van helsing character notes from today: he is typically "up to time" (punctual), and also always brings his bag with him now (ready for the worst)

"Let all be put down... exactly." OH GOD. here it comes.

I love the way Jack says "it was a lovely morning"; he's speaking with hindsight here, and his misery and resignation color all that came before. He sounds almost mournful as well as wistful when he describes the beautiful day, because he knows the contrast awaiting him inside.

Jack saying "She is always an early riser." with a audible side-eye is so funny. I don't think it's about what he's saying here, more the context of her seeing Lucy and not noticing her sleep isn't peaceful rest. And of course taking away the flowers. Or maybe it's even just that he wishes he didn't have to run into her first thing in the morning.

I LOVE the little, "mm?" interspersed throughout Mrs. Westenra's speech. Again, I feel like the voice acting paints such a good picture of her character, and especially here where she is seeking praise/showing off her self-satisfaction at "helping"

Speaking of. The little edge of rasp in Jack's delivery of "to which she answered:" just before Mrs. Westenra reveals what she has done. And his resigned tone on "asked the Professor." As he's narrating this dialogue he is restricted to just speech tags but his delivery makes his misery clear.

the music creeping in as Mrs. Westenra talks about the "horrible, strong-smelling flowers" building as you realize what she's done and what it must mean in time with van Helsing...!

Mrs. Westenra sounds so proud of herself. So oblivious and cheerful.

The little quiver in Jack's voice at "he actually smiled on her"

"Then, for the first time in my life, I saw Van Helsing break down." Jack speaks this line softly, almost wonderingly. He has so much faith in van Helsing, and he's been using his mentor's confidence as a linchpin to keep his own composure; to see van Helsing break like this is terrifying to him I think. And he doesn't know what to do about it, can't say anything.

van Helsing's sobs and gasping breaths for control are BRUTAL. SO INCREDIBLE. god and his plea to god. AMAZING

and the music, almost gentle at first but more and more creepy and lingering/ominous as he goes along

the fierce determination as van Helsing insists they will keep fighting

"yet another operation of transfusion of blood." the way Jack says this line I think really brings out a sense of hopeless resignation. He sounds almost sickened at the last word. Everything seems to point to this being useless yet again, but obviously failing to try their utmost isn't even a consideration. He just is losing hope that it can be stopped.

"Again the operation; again the narcotic; again some return of colour to the ashy cheeks, and the regular breathing of healthy sleep." THIS delivery is so excellent. The deep sigh, the resigned tone, the almost bored listing of what was once so agonizing an operation. The way he doesn't linger on Lucy's improvement at all, doesn't even linger on van Helsing's condition. Instead he just kind of sums up that it worked (for now), that van Helsing spoke to Mrs. Westenra, etc. etc.....

"After another hour Lucy waked from her sleep, fresh and bright and seemingly not much the worse for her terrible ordeal." He sounds almost amused, and so exhausted, so sad. She doesn't even know that she has nearly died for a third time. She doesn't know that, as far as he can tell, she will continue on just like this, on and on, nearly dying, barely saved, recovered and cheerful, and then death coming back again, and again, until eventually it cannot be denied any longer...

van Helsing broke down today, but Jack is the one who is most brutally disheartened. He's losing hope, he's becoming almost numb, he's doubting his own mind.

[actual-changeling]

This post by the lovely @thursdayinspace violently hit me over the head with a baseball bat, so here we are. Dropping this mid-Pusher ficlet on your porch like a cat presenting a dead mouse. Technically this is canon-compliant if you squint a little.

I also wrote a longer post-episode fic a little while back, which you can find right here.

50% angst, 50% hurt/comfort, 100% yearning, the usual. Unofficial title for this one is "terrified with you".

———

Scully can't remember the last time she was this afraid.

No, not afraid—terrified.

Absolutely and utterly terrified for Mulder's life. She watches as the other agent (a name, he has a name) fits the bullet-proof vest around his chest, a thin wire running underneath it and connecting to what looks quite similar to a headset; one is waiting for her next to the screens.

If it were any other case, the sight of the defensive gear would calm her, maybe even offer an anchor to hold onto, but not this time. Not with Modell. Theoretically, wearing only a vest is often enough because, unless they're dealing with someone who knows how to shoot, the chances of the suspect hitting the body at all, let alone a small, moving part such as the head, are minuscule.

Modell is in no way experienced with a gun, but he doesn't have to be.

Mulder knows how to aim to kill, and nine times out of ten, he will hit what he is aiming at. He can use him, abuse him, force him to shoot whomever he pleases before commanding him to kill himself, and all she will be able to do is sit and watch.

The agent (she tries and fails to recall his name) steps away to respond to an incoming radio call, leaving Mulder half-stuck in the vest and the two of them in silence.

She shifts in her chair and turns her head until cold metal is digging into her cheek, already hearing her own voice list injury after injury, his body laying lifelessly in front of her.

Cause of death is a single gunshot wound to the head, self- (she can hear her own breath, too shallow, painful in her lungs) self-inflicted.

Self-inflicted. Suicides. Every single one of them died by their own hand. She really likes his hands.

"Scully."

Mulder's voice is soft, dipping into a tone he rarely uses and only ever with her, and she feels more than she sees him stepping closer. He raises his hand, gently grabbing her jaw and nudging it towards himself. Scully knows if she were to flinch away, he'd let her and not try again, but his fingertips are warm against her skin, a warmth she finds in his eyes, too.

Concern rolls off him in waves, and she presses his palm to her cheek, covering his hand with her own.

"Let me go in with you," she tries, knowing he will fight her on this harder than usual. It's a futile attempt, yet she still has to say it—for her own peace of mind and the small chance that he'll say yes.

"No, Scully," Mulder responds, an edge to his words, "one person putting themselves in danger is enough."

Separating never does them any good, but they keep doing it over and over, searching for the definition of insanity in the distance between their bodies.

"Why does it have to be you?"

It's a question she already knows the answer to, and his thumb brushes along her cheekbones as he shakes his head. A calming gesture, a way of offering comfort without addressing whatever it is that's spinning its net around them.

"You know why. I'll be fine, probably not even gonna have a scratch on me."

Scully hums quietly, evading their conversation in favour of discreetly tugging him closer; not that agent what's-his-name is paying them any attention. She blinks up at him, unsuccessfully suppressing the urge to study his features as if it's the last time she will see them flushed with hot, red blood (she hates that she finds it sticking to her hands in more than just her nightmares).

The curve of his lips and nose, the familiar line of his jaw, the affectionate glint in his eyes. So much left unsaid and yet visible to anyone who looks at him, at them, to the point where Modell could spot it from far away. She tightens her grip on his wrist without really meaning to, but Mulder only smiles.

"I will be fine, Scully." They both know he cannot make any promises, but maybe they can lie to themselves for a little while longer.

The radio crackles, popping their haphazardly created bubble, and she hesitantly lets him go. Mulder runs his thumb down her cheek, lingering on the corner of her mouth before stepping back, and the agent whose name she doesn't care about picks up where he left off.

"You better be," she mumbles, suddenly shivering in the cold of his absence. I need you alive.

[traffic-was-a-b1tch]

anthem of the heart

(jake kiszka x reader) 18+

summary: you and your best friend move into a new apartment after college, wanting a fresh start in nashville. however, you come to find that your neighbors are musicians. very loud musicians who like to keep you up at night. especially one, who likes to bother you on purpose. you would hate him… if he wasn’t so hot.

warnings for overall series: eventual SMUT!!!, angst, mentions of past abuse (not jake), abuse (not jake), mentions of past sexual assault (not jake), sexual assault (not jake), enemies to lovers, cursing, let me know if I missed any. (i’m still making this series up as I go along so it might change)

warnings for this chapter: mental struggle after SA, mentions of the SA in chapter three, therapeutic exercises, sexual tension to the max, cursing, let me know if I missed any!

author’s note: hey everyone! sorry about my inactivity! I get in writing moods some days and write 2-3 chapters in a few hours, and other days I rot in bed with no motivation lol. but thank you endlessly for the love! as always, please feel free to give me feedback, requests, comments, etc. enjoy!!!

• • •

Chapter Five:

you wanted to immediately run for the shower. your blouse was starting to stick to you; you felt so unclean. not just because you had been in the same clothes for 24 hours, but because of tanner.

before you could get to the bathroom you checked kailee’s room for her. you forgot to tell her where you were last night and knew she was probably worried sick. opening the door, you saw she wasn’t in her room.

you checked your phone and saw dozens of missed calls and texts from her. she wrote an hour ago that she was going to the police if you didn’t respond.

fuck. so that’s where she is.

you needed to call her and stop her from making a scene.

dialing her number, you thought about what to say. how could any words capture the last 24 hours? she answered within two rings and sounded frantic.

“oh my god! i’m so happy you called. are you ok?! where the hell were you last night? I called and texted with no answer. fuck, i’m even outside the police station right now!”

“kailee, i’m so sorry. please calm down. so much happened and I don’t know how to tell you-”

“don’t say another word”, she cut you off, “i’m on my way home. you can tell me everything in person.”

you sighed in relief of not having to have that conversation over the phone.

“ok, i’ll see you when you get here. I love you.”

“I love you more, houdini”, she countered and hung up.

thankful that she gave you time to decompress and think about how to tell her, you got back to business.

returning to the bathroom, you turned the water to hell levels of hot and stood in front of the mirror for a second.

fuck.

you were covered in bruises.

there was a few finger shaped ones of your arm and one big one on the bottom of your breast. you felt awful.

finally, the events of yesterday settled in your mind.

the fear of seeing tanner again hit you, and you realized you hadn’t seen him today. he was gone and you didn’t know where. this terrified you more. the unsettling notion that he might come back, surprise you when your all alone. when jake isn’t there to save you. tears were flowing down your face by now and you wiped them away.

you thought you didn’t need saving, that you could handle things yourself. but it was becoming increasingly more difficult, and you couldn’t deny that tanner would’ve done worse things to me if jake hadn’t been there to stop him.

you started to feel disappointed in yourself. you never really thanked him for helping you. you had gotten wrapped up in your frustration that you failed to express how thankful you were of him in those moments.

no more dwelling on this today, you told yourself.

stepping into the shower was relieving. the hot water running over your body and through your hair started to relax you.

you started with your hair, scrubbing shampoo all over it and into every crevice, then rinsing. next was conditioner, running it through your hair with care and rinsing.

getting a squeeze of body wash on your loofah, you started to softly wash your arms.

you breathed shakily, getting flashbacks as you ran it over the bruises. then you sped up, increasing the pressure, trying to scrub as hard as you could; trying to wash him off of you. you gasped as you panted and grunted, scrubbing so hard you were turning red.

it was never going to work.

you told yourself to calm down, to center yourself. you counted down from ten, slowing your breathing. taking a second, you turned your face under the water, letting the water wash your salty tears down the drain.

you were going to leave it all here. all his touches, all the sadness, all the anxiety.

you finished washing your body and cleansed your face. you were overwhelmed. the emotions from the interview, seeing tanner, and jake swarmed your head. you were determined to leave them all in the shower.

you were pretty much done, just basking in the hot water’s peace, when your heard a door knock.

probably kailee.

you were going to be happy to see her face after the day you had.

you got out of the shower, cutting off the water and wrapping yourself in a towel. there were more knocks, growing heavier and impatient.

you started to unlock the door and open it, groaning, “kailee, don’t get your panties in a twist.”

as it opened fully, you looked up shocked to see jake.

instantly you regretted not getting dressed, or even dried off.

“don’t tell me what to do with my panties, thank you”, he smirked.

his presence drifted in the doorway: cocky and sexy. damn.

you rolled your eyes, “oh please, jake. you wish I cared about your panties.”

it was then that he realized what you were ‘wearing’, if you could even call it that.

it was a fluffy pink towel from a dollar store back home. it was wrapped tightly around your chest, emphasizing your breasts, and only reached down to your mid thigh.

it was revealing, to say the least, and you saw his eyes as they trailed your body.

he breathed deeply, meeting your eyes, as if he had been holding his breath looking at you.

“I- um, came to return this.”

he held his hand out, offering the clip that had been in your hair last night. you forgot that you had taken it out and set it on the nightstand to try to detangle your hair.

you were knocked out of his trance, smiling and replying, “oh, right. I forgot I left that there. um, thank you.”

you reached and took it, your fingers brushing his. you waited for him to pull away, to recoil at your touch. but he stayed.

the chemistry was getting to be too much for you. you found yourself questioning: did you want space? your cramped mind said yes, begging to get a break.

or did you want him? your body screamed yes. every time you were around him you were annoyed; annoyed at his arrogance, annoyed at his loud band, annoyed that you couldn’t have him in your bed. fuck, that was a thought that haunted you as soon as you imagined it. him naked, in your arms, exploring your body.

you couldn’t decide what you wanted, but you felt the heat around you both getting hotter. too hot for comfort.

you pulled your hand away, repeating, “thank you.”

he nodded, returning to the conversation, “it’s really pretty. I knew you’d want to have it back.”

you smiled, “it’s one of my favorites. although, it seems like you would benefit from it right now.”

you glanced at his slightly messy curls, giggling softly.

it was becoming painfully obvious that both of you were dancing around what you really wanted to say to each other.

he laughed at your comment, rolling his eyes.

the sight of that made your mind betray you, imagining his eyes rolling back as you took him in your mouth. fuck, could you get any peace from this need?

jake’s eyes zeroed in on the deep red marks littering your skin, frowning.

you realized that you found your chance to let him know how appreciative you were.

“I never really thanked you for what you did. i’ve known tanner for years and knew I couldn’t overpower him. who knows what he would’ve done if you hadn’t helped.” you looked at him in genuine earnest.

he nodded, reaching out and brushing one of the marks on your shoulder, causing you to melt for him internally.

“i’m sorry I couldn’t do more.” his tone was full of regret.

you hated seeing him like this, pitying you.

“what else could you do? kiss them to make them feel better?” you laughed, trying to lighten the mood.

but the mood only shifted.

his eyes flicked to yours, filled with dark desire. his breathing quickened, causing yours to do the same as you saw his thoughts plastered on his face.

your mouth opened slightly, watching both of you struggle to keep your electricity at bay.

he was slipping though, stepping closer and whispering.

“is that what you want?”

oh my god.

you could barely breathe, your eyes never leaving his.

the lust that hung in the small gap between you slowly dissipated as he blinked his eyes away and stepped back. you stood there confused as he shook his head at himself.

“i’m sorry. you’ve been through a lot lately. you should get some rest.”

you swallowed your need, nodding. one part of you was thankful that he was so considerate of your mind and body after the trauma; but another part of you was aching for him.

but you knew he had made the right choice. probably.

“i’ll, uh, see you later.” he walked towards his door.

you closed yours, catching your breath. that was so charged with sexual tension that you needed to sit down.

you made your way to your couch and lowered down onto it, sighing. maybe all of this was for the best. why were you letting your life get complicated with another relationship? hell, you need to be thinking about your ex, not some guy that likes to annoy you. a really, really hot guy who likes to annoy you.

just then another knock came.

your head shot up.

he changed his mind.

running back to the door, you flung it open.

“where the fuck have you been?”, kailee gasped, engulfing you in a hug, “you have no idea how worried I was.”

• • •

the chemistry is so sickening I can’t!!!

tag list: @gvfpal @hollyco

(please let me know if anyone else would like to be on the tag list!)

[shady-tavern]

Sneak Peek

A little sneak peek for "Paint the Town" a, most likely 2 (perhaps 3) part story. Warnings ahead for mentioned death and injury, as well as semi-graphic violence. Please take care of yourselves.

*.*.*

Colossus clearly had had a grand old time tossing an under-qualified hero around, as well as injuring helpless civilians. Nothing new here and Olivia didn't bother to hold back.

She had, once upon a time, done her best to avoid injuring villains beyond knocking them out, but when ground-pulverizing powers rose to her fingertips now, she focused on packing as much as she could into every hit.

Colossus and she had clashed once before and he had gotten away only because she hadn't quite figured out the full scope of the powers she had gotten saddled with when facing him and because he had swiftly collapsed a house on a group of terrified civilians.

Villains were nothing but a scourge of the earth.

This time, Olivia knew what she was working with and most importantly, who she was dealing with and the lengths he was willing to go to in order to win or escape.

It was clear he had expected the same slap-dash, somewhat sloppy fight from last time, back when Olivia had been scrambling to figure out how to use her powers most effectively.

It took two hits before he was on the ground, visibly reeling, struggling and failing to sit up again. It was clear he wasn't getting up anytime soon, that the second hit to his face had fucked with his head plenty.

Other heroes would stop here. They were, in fact, instructed and trained to. To stop when the enemy was down and apprehend them instead. To be better than villains.

But Olivia knew how much the prison facilities struggled to contain people with superpowers, how often they escaped, especially when other villains attacked the place.

There had once been a time when Olivia had thought it didn't matter, that second chances were all the rage. She was done with that, just like she was done with fighting people over and over again because they kept escaping, arriving to ongoing fights to find weeping and bleeding and at times dead civilians and even heroes.

Olivia raised her leg just as Colossus turned over to try and get up, bringing her foot down on his back with a flare of her powers. There was no noise from his throat, not when she heard the sound his spine and ribs made and he fell still, only his chest moving in little gasping breaths as his brain got overloaded with pain. 

He would never again get back up, not after that hit and that was all that mattered at the end of the day. No more hurt civilians, no more broken colleagues. One less evil, permanently removed.

A sudden tingle raced across her skin, making her feel like gravity changed its course and her gaze snapped up, just as the sky grew a deep, dark red, lightning flashing across it.

Floating above her, having managed to sneak up on her, was The End. A villain only three heroes were capable of fighting, herself included. Fuck.

Olivia didn't waste a second to let the changed, new power coursing under her skin out. She could never waste so much as a split second when faced with The End. The grip of gravity shifted within a heartbeat, like the snap of massive fingers, the noise of it cracking through the air. Just in time to slow the descend of The End's meteors and forcing them to a glowing stop right above the skyscrapers of the city.

It felt like her bones were made of metal and at the same time, as though she weighed nothing at all. She felt as though she was as liable to find herself crushed to the ground by the entire universe as she was to float away like a speck of dust on the wind.

"Little Rescue, ruiner of lives," The End shouted, fury making his voice sound like a guttural snarl as he pushed back against her powers, the sky growing darker still. 

Olivia was faintly aware of people screaming in panic behind her, ahead of her, as civilians ran for their lives. Others crawled for their lives, legs broken or bleeding from wounds inflicted by Colossus that needed immediate treatment. 

Treatment they wouldn't get, for ambulances were not allowed near active fight zones and the specialized removal teams were only sent out for severely injured heroes, not civilians. Too many paramedics had lost their lives or use of their limbs when they had gotten caught in battles.

Not that The End cared, of course. Villains never did.

Colossus at her feet was breathing in high-pitched, panting little wheezes, his body utterly unmoving.

The End had always kept his distance, but today he descended when he couldn't force his meteors further, slamming into the ground before her, his meteors crumbling to nothing and lightning started to flash like a thousand storms were getting unloading at once. 

Olivia hurriedly dodged his fist, the air around her heavy and vibrating all at once as Gravity and Space started to clash.

"What a joke this world is," The End growled. "For a monster like you to be seen as good."

"And what a joke," Olivia growled right back, dark anger and fury beating in her veins in tandem with her heart. If she could take down The End, the city would be safer for it. "That you were born."

The End's next punch was heavy with the power of impacting meteors and the empty coldness of space, lightning crackling between like a hungry beast. He laughed, brief and hard and hateful and he snarled, "Well, if you want to act like a hero, then die like one."

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I stopped talking to someone freaking me out a little?

Last year, I (17M) was at a social event in my neighborhood and I saw someone there who I'd never met at one of those events before. I went over to say hi and we chatted for a while. She was really sweet and I'm a naturally friendly person (who is terrible at reading social cues, more on that later) so when she asked for my number, I didn't really think twice about it and we swapped numbers. Only after I left did I think “oh, wait.”

As I am a dumb Bisexual Idiot™, this is not the first time this has happened and every time it does, I fail to realize it until I've already given my number to whichever friendly individual whose flirting flew under my radar like Tom Cruise gliding under a bus on a motorcycle in a Mission Impossible movie.

She texted me pretty much right away, asking if I'd like to hang out anytime. This freaked me out a little, but she was really sweet when we first met so I thought to myself that maybe she does mean this totally platonically and I'm just reading too much into this.

So we found a time to meet up and - I’m, like, 75% sure she thought it was a date. It was really really awkward. Right before I headed home, she asked if I want to hang out again sometime soon, so I answered that I was really busy and didn't know when I'd be available (this was true, I'd hardly been able to find time to meet up with her that day in the first place).

Since then she's been texting me really really frequently, and pretty much every day she's asked when we can hang out again. I've been really busy recently as well, and I don't really want to meet her again. I haven't ghosted her but it kind of makes me uncomfortable to keep texting her, as she texts me constantly and it's freaking me out a little bit. However, I'm terrified of hurting people’s feelings in any way, and I don't want to hurt her.

So WIBTA if I stopped talking to her altogether? Or should I keep talking with her, because I'm sure she doesn't mean to be overbearing or creepy? I have no idea what to do. [tumblr].com please help a poor bisexual soul

What are these acronyms?

[tenebris-lux]

“And I am afraid, afraid, afraid!—I am afraid of all things—even to think but I must go on my way.”

That’s one of my favorite Van Helsing lines. He may be leading the hunt, but he’s terrified. Terrified of what’s happening to Mina, that she might not be saved in time… he barely knows what the changes in her mean. They’re vampiric symptoms of her turning … but how turned is she? Is it already too late? He can’t talk to Morris or Seward or the other guys, so he can’t coordinate plans, he just has to cross his fingers and HOPE. He and Mina are out in the middle of nowhere, where nobody dares venture. Heading closer and closer towards the lair of the beast.

He’s not technically alone because Mina’s there … or is she? The hypnosis is failing, she’s not taking her usual notes, she’s sleeping during the day in a deep unwakeable sleep … she said she ate before he came back … but did she? Is she telling the truth? Or if she’s not, is it because she doesn’t want him to worry as much? Like, “No, I already ate, so I’m fine, don’t worry.” Or is the lying something creepier? Does she have the correct sense of where to go because she’s going off memory of Jonathan’s journal and is a good detective? Or is it another sense?

That uncertainty is back. And while Van Helsing isn’t technically alone, he certainly feels that way. He’s scared. He doesn’t know what to expect. Mina was doing much better after Dracula pulled back his mental ties … but it seems like she’s getting worse again. And faster.

“I tell her to sleep while I watch. But presently I forget all of watching; and when I suddenly remember that I watch, I find her lying quiet, but awake, and looking at me with so bright eyes.”

See, THAT is unnerving, and a lot of it is based in uncertainty. Is that a sign of more vampirism coming forth? Is she being compelled by Dracula to wait for him to fall asleep? Or is she just that awake because she slept all day and is just watching him? Imagine her looking at him like that, in the dark (no electric lights at all), firelight alone on her.

Van Helsing’s not a young guy and he’s been pretty taxed these last few months. It’s no wonder he keeps spacing out, and none of the other guys are there to back him up. Again, he’s alone. And Mina … who knows? He’s going to exhaust himself by forcing himself to keep all cylinders firing. But can he afford to relax at all?

And he’s not just afraid for himself? He’s afraid for Mina. And if she can still be saved (hopefully), he feels in charge of her safety.

Can you imagine this stress? It wouldn’t surprise me if he were going grey/white too, and it’s overlooked more because of his age.

[rapha-reads]

Rewatching The Doctor Falls because Twelfth versus Simm!Master and Missy, and Cyber!Bill and Nardole and Alit... This episode is magnificent.

Also the more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that the Master's regeneration timeline goes Simm then Dhawan and then Missy. And the one trapped in the Toymaker's golden tooth is either Missy or the one just after her. The Toymaker found Missy dying on the floor of that ship while spying on the Doctor and trapped her. It would explain why Dhawan!Master is so unhinged and feral, having gone through Simm!Master, and why Missy is so hell bent on redeeming herself and helping the Doctor, having gone through all the discoveries of the Timeless Child and seen the Doctor's pain and loneliness, and she herself having gone through that pain and sadness. It's how Missy says "it's time to stand with the Doctor" and Simm answers "no! Never!" - that's what Dhawan fights against his whole time - hating and loving the Doctor, ruining her but also detroying her... Missy knew where it was going, she just knew it would take some work.

Underrated friendship of the whole show: Bill and Nardole. "Bill's back", the sheer relief and joy in Nardole's voice when he says that... And then the pure HEARTBREAK on his face when Hazran shoots at Cyber!Bill and Bill says "I understand". It's just. They're pals your Honor.

One-episode only character that deserved much more screen time: Alit.

"Don't be sorry. You were being kind. Nothing wrong with being kind." - I tend to say that Eleventh is my Doctor but really it's Eleventh AND Twelfth. I adore Twelfth.

Bill Potts is the Best, pass it on. Also, Pearl's acting, can we talk about Pearl's acting? The way she moves like a Cyberman, even when she still perceives herself as a human? Robotic movements, rigid spine... I adore Bill Potts.

Eleventh and the Ponds 🤝🏼 Twelfth and Nardole and Bill > making me feel all the emotions and cry real tears and giving me ideas and thoughts. "Which one of is is stronger, Nardole?" - it's the way the Doctor, for all that he dismissed Nardole all series, actually respects and has a lot of consideration and affection for him. Shut up I'm crying, shut uuuuup. "I never will be able to find the words" - *curls up and sobs*

The Cybermen are so much more terrifying than the Daleks...

And then one of the best speech of the whole show. I've quoted it so many times already, but once more because it's seriously perfect:

"Winning? Is that what you think it's about? I'm not trying to win. I'm not doing this because I want to beat someone, or because I hate someone, or because I want to blame someone. It's not because it's fun and God knows it's not because it's easy! It's not even because it works, because it hardly ever does. I do what I do because it's right! Because it's decent. And above all, it's kind. It's just that. Just kind."

I swear, I heard that speech the first time and immediately incorporated it into my morals and values. Just be kind. Do the right thing, even when it hurts. Even when it's hard. Even if it's not going to work. Be kind and do the right thing. That's it. That's everything. "Always try to be nice, but never fail to be kind."

"Without hope. Without witness. Without reward. Pity. No stars. I'd hoped there'd be stars."

"Where there's tears, there's hope."

"I've been through a lot since the last time we met. So I'll show you around." - Bill and Heather. Love them.

"I never want to change again! Never again! I can't keep on being somebody else. Wherever it is, I'm staying. No! I will not change." contrasted with Eleventh's "We all change, when you think about it. And that's good, as long as we remember all the people we used to be."

[schizoidcel]

HIIIII HEHE GIRLBOSS ANON HERE. YOUR HCS WERE SO CUTE!!!!! OKOKOKOK I PROPOSE… what do you think would happen if like girlboss reader for once was powerless over something whether that be a mission or the exit or something and has like a chronic girl fail moment like pomni does???? what would pomni do omg.

# POMNI x GIRLBOSS (GIRLFAILING) READER II

Wait I stan this. ALSO TY SUGAR!!

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

🤍 HEADCANONS !!

warnings :: None, but not proofread. I'm literally queen of not proofreading

God Pomni wouldn't even KNOW like she wouldn't even know what to think

At least at first she would not at all .

If she ever saw you in a state like hers, she'd definitely feel saddened immediately

And now that she IS seeing it, she also is distressed and panics. But she dosen't want to show it, or can't show it

Instead of having a breakdown together (Which'd be lowk funny I'm ngl .), she'd try to comfort you like how you comforted her when she used to panic and weep

She dosen't really know what to do, as she barely (probably never) comforted another person that's currently having a breakdown

But she picked up all the stuff you did to her while comforting her, and tries to use them on you

For example, she tries to use a calm voice to make you feel calm

She also holds you but not completely, as to not overwhelm you. Would probably just very tightly hold onto your hands

She'd also play with your hands while trying to calm you down

And the entire time she is doing all of these, she's quivering a teensy bit

But she stays strong, because her S/O that ALWAYS protected her is cracking and she dosen't want to make it about her

Slowly, she stops shaking so much while trying to comfort you, and actually manages to speak properly

After that, you can notice how Pomni speaks way more calmly, and once she sees you actually calming down too, she's over the moon

You were glad Pomni managed to comfort you like that, and Pomni was kind of proud of herself too .. (silly goober)

She tells you how she's also there for you, and not just vice versa.

After this situation you somehow loved her more than you already did

She'll hug you and try to reassure you more !! She dosen't want to see you panic again after she saw it once . It really terrifies her 😭

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

ׂૢ་༘࿐ Thank you for reading! ♡

URRHHH I HOPE THIS WASN'T TOO SHORT 😭 I wanted to make a scenario but lowk I'm abit tired to do one rn maybe I'll do it in the morning since I also wanted to write a scenario of the last one

[arpmemething2]

The Last of Us sentence starters

Taken from both the TV show and all video games. Send one for my muse's response. Feel free to change pronouns as needed.

"I've struggled a long time with survivin', but no matter what you have to find something to fight for"

“So you went from teacher to preacher; because what? It fuckin' rhymes?”

“You can't stop this.”

"You live in a broken world that you could have saved."

"That is... a hat on a dinosaur."

"There are a million ways we should’ve died before today, and a million ways we can die before tomorrow."

“Fuck Seattle.”

“But she gets to live...”

"I would do it all over again."

"That's gotta be hard. Leaving all of your stuff behind like that."

"Now get the fuck out of my town."

"We let you both live and you wasted it."

"To the edge of the universe and back, endure and survive..."

"It's called luck and it's gonna to run out."

"Everyone I have cared for has either died, or left me. Everyone ... fucking except for you! So don't tell me that I would be safer with someone else, because the truth is I would just be more scared."

"The only people who betray us are the ones we trust."

“Hello? Anyone? Cure for mankind here!”

"I don't ever want to see your goddamn face again."

“I can make it quick or I can make it so much worse.”

"I was never afraid before you showed up"

"I walked in to my sister's room and slipped on her bra. It was a booby trap."

"After years of wandering in circles, we’re about to come home, make a difference, and bring the human race back into control of its own destiny."

"It wasn't time that did it."

"Every bad feeling… Your palms sweating, your heart racing… They're all signs you're actually stronger."

"Light on the reading, but it has some good photos."

"That was lame. You're lame."

"Those were your fucking people!"

"Go. Just take him."

"Well, here's your chance to bring your kid into a better world."

"Hearing them talk, it's good to know they're scared of you."

"A bad reputation doesn't mean you're bad."

"I was supposed to die in that hospital."

"I swear."

"Endure and survive."

"If I were ever to lose you, I'd surely lose myself."

"I mean it's why you took off on me, right? To make up for the things we did."

“I'm just a girl. Not a threat.”

"You'd just after her."

"You have no idea what loss is."

"If you lie to me one more time, I'm gone."

"I'm sorry for getting older faster than you."

"Our luck had to run out sooner or later."

"I had a sixty-foot yacht."

"We're not murderers. We just survive."

"I guess you can't outrun your past"

"You mattered to me first."

"Okay, one more. What do you get when you cross an angry sheep and a mad cow? An animal that's in a baaaa-ad mooooo-ood."

"Well, maybe in all that research they turned into fucking monkeys."

"Once upon a time, I had somebody that I cared about. It was a partner. Somebody I had to look after. And in this world, that sort of shit's good for one thing: Gettin' ya killed."

"Bomb this city and everyone in it."

"Why are these pages stuck together?"

"It doesn't matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery."

"I got you."

"No, fuck you! You handcuffed me!"

"I dreamt about flying the other night."

"I've lost something. I'm failing in my sleep."

"I think they should be terrified of you."

"All the promises at sundown. I meant them like the rest."

"Think I'd let you do this on your own?"

"And just so we’re clear about back there, it was either him or me "

"Lets wait it out. You know we....we can be all poetic and lose our minds together."

"So... why don't you fix one these cars?"

"People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow... Too soon."

“Maybe you should have.”

“You took that from me.”

"What is the downside to eating a clock?"

"Holy moly. I guess this is what these buildings look like up close. They're so damn tall! So, what happened here?"

"You think I can still handle things, but I'm not who I was."

"I believe that everything happens for a reason."

"Why don't you say whatever speech you have rehearsed and get this over with."

"Just one peaceful night; a clean conscience…all gone…"

"Drugs. I see hardcore drugs."

"Let's see, scorpions are pretty creepy. Ummm, being by myself. I'm scared of ending up alone. What about you?"

"I don't want to be a burden."

"I don't want to lose you."

"What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe, you idiot!"

"I'll make her pay."

"I'm gonna find... and I'm gonna kill... every last one of them."

"My friends' problem are my problems."

“It's called a hatosaur.”

"I got one for you. What's the quietest animal on a farm? A Shhhhhh-eeep. When you're older, you're going to have a deep appreciation for these jokes."

"Save who you can."

"I worry. Just... let me see her. Please."

"Whoa! How the - how the hell would you even walk around with that thing?"

"Arby's didn't give free lunches."

"You're such an asshole!"

"You're lucky you're still drawing breath! That was plan A, B, all the way to fucking Z!"

"I don't think I can ever forgive you for that."

"You don't think he got what he deserved?"

"Well, you're a burden now, aren't you?"

"We lose"

“’80s means trouble. Code broken.”

"Yeah, well try not to let your guard down."

"After all we've been through. Everything that I've done. It can't be for nothing."

"That ain't the hard part."

"We did those things. And they weren't things. We murdered people."

"What you say goes."

"We've got a family now. She doesn't get to be more important than that."