#because if that kid discovers its not okay to be touched then they can go to teachers or administrators to report whats happening

[sammyofold]

Here are those fic recs I promised you @incesthemes ! I hope there's some in there that you'll really enjoy <3 I split up the recs into overarching tropes to group some together, but I'll start with those that don't fit into any of the groups.

The list got a bit long, so I decided to split it up into two parts.

(Part 1 | Part 2)

Courting Death by theproblematique.

Summary: Sam Winchester lived the first six months of his life in a happy family; the next twelve years as John Winchester's only son, and the last decade as an orphan. He's supposed to die at twenty-two trying to save the woman he loves from a fire, because he doesn't have a brother to pull him back. But the night Sam meets his Reaper he discovers that Death is overly fond of pop-culture references, too beautiful to be real, and reluctant to kill him.

Servant of Servants 'verse by klove0511.

This is a two-part series (though I think it might've been intended to have more fics, its ending doesn't leave you feeling snubbed), posing the question: "what if it had been Sam who'd been mortally wounded at the end of Season 1?"

love potion no. 9 by according2thelore.

Summary: Dean drinks a love potion. Sam is falling apart at the seams because he's been in love with his brother for more than a decade.

keep me in a daydream by according2thelore.

Summary: After an accidental kiss makes a hunt go suspiciously well, Sam and Dean decide to try it again. And again. And again. It's no different from wearing lucky socks, right? A 5 + 1.

for you and me (i got no alibi) by remy.

Summary: There are people hitting on Sam wherever he goes, and Dean is doing weird things like holding doors open for him and touching him way more than is necessary, and it's all driving Sam up the wall. It doesn't help that he's been in love with Dean for just about forever, and all of it feels like a mockery of something he'll never get to have. Meanwhile, Dean is at his wits' end trying to figure out how he can make Sam realize that he is, in fact, trying to get into his pants.

Ben Has Two Dads by regala_electra.

Summary: When Ben turns thirteen and learns that Dean Winchester is his father, he runs away to join his father (and uncle). A tale where boys are boys, Vikings are Vikings, unicorns go to Candy Mountains, Dean and Sam are in big gay love, and Ben becomes a Winchester.

Last Temptation by merle_p.

Summary: Sam is running a fever again, the kind of fever no Ibuprofen or cold compress will bring down, the kind of fever that is eating him up alive, eviscerating him from the inside. He is too hot and too cold and too pale, delirious and shaking, resonating with whatever divine energy the trials are subjecting him to, and Dean is not sure how much longer he can stand to see him be in this state. Because Sam is quite possibly dying, and there is nothing Dean can do to stop it. Because Sam is dying, and he just. Won’t. Shut. Up.

Five Times Dean Forgot and One Time He Remembered by elsi.

Summary: Rowena warned him the obliviate curse might have “aftershocks.” That Dean could relapse to his amnesiac state without warning—though only temporarily, she assured. But this? This goes beyond calling a lamp a “light stick.”

Whatever It Is by theproblematique.

Summary: Both Sam and Dean get sent to the year 2014.

Take My Hand (Take My Whole Life, Too) by TeacupUnicorn.

Summary: Sam and Dean get handcuffed together during a hunt. With a werewolf on their tail and a proximity to each other they haven’t had since they were kids, their unstable relationship is put to the test and their trust in each other is pushed to the limit. Set sometime after 5x16 and before 5x20.

Not Her Sam by Yuval25.

Summary: Future Dean goes back in time to change the future and saves Jess. Future Sam tags along unexpectedly. And Jess is okay. No, seriously. She's fine.

Mistaken For a Couple

101 - mythology by ani_coolgirl.

Summary: As Sam, Dean, and Kali flee Lucifer's slaughter, Kali makes an assumption. The boys try to clear up any misconceptions. They don't do a very good job.

I need you so much closer by cherryvanilla.

Summary: five times they're mistaken for a couple plus one time they actually are.

Domesticity

Paisley by samsexualdeancurious.

Summary: After his mind wall was broken and was healed, Sam knows he can’t be a hunter anymore, so he and Dean retire, and Sam ends up finding a homeless dog who was abused and together they heal.

The Chicago Verse by compo67.

This is a series spanning a whopping 169 fics. I've read only a few of them and I enjoyed Sam and Dean retiring in this town together. It's still updating, looks like, since the latest fic added was in May of this year.

a few things worth saying by hathfrozen.

Summary: “So this morning,” Dean ventures as they blast down the highway in pitch black night toward a probable werewolf case. Sam looks over at him, thin eyebrows raised, eyes clear and calm. He’s not even difficult about it, doesn’t ask what Dean is after, doesn’t deny what had happened. Instead he says, very simply, “I just figure, why lie?” Alright then.

All The Way In by hunters_retreat.

Summary: Sam never did know how exactly it happened. One day, he and Dean were run ragged, exhausted from yet another disaster of a hunt, no money and no gas, no prospects and no allies left alive to give them a hand. The next, they owned a store with a shooting range and Sam was a professor of religious studies at a local community college.

Pre-Series & Season 1

To Blow Against the Wind by dreamlittleyo.

Summary: After Oasis Plains, Sam and Dean can't. Stop. Touching each other.

Star-Crossed by Agent_Hellcat.

Summary: Before Sam departs for Stanford, he writes a letter to Dean, begging him to come to Palo Alto with him.

Birthday Suit by wincestation.

Summary: On the morning of Dean’s eighteenth birthday, Dad takes him to buy a suit. Sam is… interested.

house song by according2thelore.

Summary: “The werewolf.” Sam says, quick. Hushed. Scared. “I don’t know how. I was—He was standing above you and then he wasn’t. And I think I did that.” Dean keeps whispering stuff to Sam, banal reassurances that Sam soaks up like a sponge, but he feels sick. Sammy did something impossible. Sammy’s been doing impossible things. For years. Or: Pre-Canon/Teen!chesters AU in which Sam develops powers at age eleven, Dean will do anything to protect him, and they have to live with the consequences

Outsider POV

What I've Done by Amoreanonyname.

Summary: He wasn’t going to say anything more about it. He could tell, Dean was happy to see him, but wasn’t going to humor this topic. Dean, young Dean would jump to obey John, to answer John’s questions, but this was an older Dean who was more loyal to someone else now. More loyal to his brother. John wasn’t the priority here, and he realized with another guilty jump in his stomach that he never should have been.

something you love and understand by monsterq.

Summary: In heaven, Mary makes an unwelcome discovery about her sons’ relationship.

a skeleton terribly restless by remy.

Summary: Mary knows she doesn't fit right in this strange new world she's woken up in, with these grown men masquerading as her sons, but she tries her best. She really does. She closes her eyes to all the things she does not want to see, and she lies to herself until she's convinced. Until she can't.

Flowers on the Window Sill by orphan_account.

Summary: Sam and Dean Winchester's relationship as observed by the good people of Star's Hollow.

Soulmates

Fix You by non_tiembo_mala.

Summary: After their encounter with Famine, the boys are in dire straits. With Dean left shaken by the horseman's taunts - which rang truer than he'd like to admit - and Sam juiced up on demon blood again, Dean is at a loss. He has no idea how to move forward, or where they're meant to go from here. Then again, they’ve always had each other - perhaps their salvation isn't as far away as it seems.

All Too Familiar by sammichgirl.

Summary: Sam's new hobby has consequences they never saw coming. Turns out, that's OK with Dean after all.

What We Do by BleedingInk.

Summary: Castiel catches Sam and Dean in a compromising position.

since feeling is first by queenklu.

Summary: That he wants to think this is Dean yanking a leash should make his blood run cold, not aching hot. It should make him sick, angry, it should get his fucking hackles up and make him fight. He does want to fight. But there’s a skin-thin line between primal things, and fighting isn’t all he wants to do.

if the dam breaks open many years too soon by deirde_c.

Summary: Sam’s soul springs a leak, and Dean’s the one who can repair it.

In the beached margin of the sea by rivers_bend.

Summary: Sam and Dean black out on a hunt, and when they wake up, Dean's having visions and Sam can't get new, strange feelings out of his head. When John finds out about the side effects, he'll do anything to get rid of the "curse". But Sam and Dean don't want to go back to the way things were before.

I Don't Need A Symbol by amoreanonyname.

Summary: It hadn’t meant that much to Sam at first. A warm glow at being able to do something nice for Dean, to give him something for once, to make him as happy as he seemed when he put it on immediately. It was what it meant to Dean that made it mean something else to Sam.

[formylovetodaryldixon]

"The way to heal a heart." Daryl Dixon Imagine.

(Not my gif!)

When his heart can’t stand the pain of a loss, you discover why Daryl ignored you all those days. But there, you tell your husband the way his heart can heal.

A/N: Based on the conversation between Maggie and Daryl after Glenn's death. (Spoiler alert: also Daryl briefly threatening a poor guy for touching you, because I don't like things to get too serious TT-TT) Hope you like it. Thank you!

The small and cozy cabin loses the amber glow that the fire of the small chimney caused when Daryl throws the sand on the hot embers, extinguishing all the flames. Lying on the small bed, you watch silently as the place loses its color, but the heat is still impregnated in the air and on the walls, and you feel it as a little shelter for your husband and for you, far from the walkers and the world in general.

When Daryl reaches the bed, he kicks off his boots, taking off his vest next, his shirt and his pants, leaving them on the floor to get in the bed too, where the heat of his body wraps you as he puts his left arm around you, resting on his right side to stroke your belly under the covers.

Living there was good, but that wasn’t the reality and you two had to take a step to it, so tomorrow you two would go to the Hilltop.

“I wish I had said good-bye.” You say. King Ezekiel didn’t offer his help to fight against Negan, but you would always thank him for his help towards Daryl. “I think we should leave the kingdom in the right way.”

Although Daryl didn’t like that the king hadn’t helped you all, he recognized Ezekiel’s gesture towards him.

“We can come back someday. Kids were crazy ‘bout ya.”

Even if you trained them to protect themselves during your stay, they kept the innocence within, intact and bright, despite how cold and grey the new world had become. But the future was uncertain for them and for you two, and you worry about what would happen next.

“Do you think we’ll be okay after all this?”

Daryl was never a person who thought of the future either, the difficulties of his life took him to live one day at a time, without great plans or big expectations. But he found you there, as a light of hope, and then he found himself wanting more. He didn’t dream of impossible things, but simply asking to have one more day with you.

“As long as we’re together everythin’ will be fine.”

“Do you really believe that?”

“I want to.” He says, looking softly at you. His doubts and his negatives had consumed his life in the old world, but he had to find himself falling too deep to then realized that he wanted to live in this new one. “Close yer eyes, peach. We’ll leave early tomorrow.”

The hours pass when you fell asleep and it feels like being on a cloud, far from the fear of dying or losing your people. There is no heavy guilt on your shoulders, no recollections of who you were and who you had to become to survive, no walkers, no blood, without a world painted red. But suddenly, your heart starts feeling heavy, and your body sinks into a complete darkness, fear and weeping. Your closed eyelids move, trying to wake you up from that high fever, until finally, you do. You sit on the bed, taking a big breath of air, back in reality where the cabin is no longer warm, but then you realize the nightmare isn’t yours. It is not in your head, but in Daryl’s.

“Daryl, hey, wake up…” You shake his shoulder. Lying still on right left side, his body moves against the bed, his hair covering his face as he complained. “Daryl!”

The last push finally awakes him, and for a moment, Daryl finds himself looking to the void, in a place far away from there as he sits down too and breathes through his parted lips, his gaze lost and his chest rising and falling sharply.

“Hey, it’s okay, it was just a nightmare–”

“No… it was somethin’ else.”

“What?”

But Daryl remains silent for a while, never saying what it really was. The cool night air helps him to calm down, and Daryl finally comes to be himself after he was lost in his own memories.

“Ya should… lie down again.”

He looks at your side of the bed with his head down as he did when he was ashamed, and without saying anything else, he lay back down with his back to you. In that moment, you realize Daryl is suddenly far gone again, but you don’t want to force anything with him, so you just lay sideways too, your gaze fixed on the scars on his back.

It takes you some time to fall asleep, but the hours pass in a few seconds when you do, and then, it is day again: the birds are singing a sweet song, and it is time to leave. The muscles of your body are tense, and you find yourself staring at the wooden ceiling after you rub your burning eyes with your fists.

“Time to go, peach…” Daryl is standing at the table, already dressed as he packs his backpack and yours. “Get yer pretty ass out of bed and get dressed.”

He seems to be in a good mood that morning, so you decide not to press him to speak and wait for him to do it first.

There are no walkers around the forest near the Hilltop, and the group of future archers had improved greatly in the previous days since you and Daryl got there. But when the afternoon falls slowly, there are only two people with you, a young man and a young woman, siblings, twins. They are the best in the group; they are the strongest too, especially since they are not afraid to fight for their freedom.

“Have you been married for a long time, (Y/N)?”

Sean is a good man, young, brave, handsome, determined, but blushes when Mary, standing in front of you two, chuckles to herself before shooting her arrow that hit the target perfectly. She and her brother live in a trailer and they gave Daryl and you a place in their home.

“Sometimes it feels like centuries.” You chuckle at him, and then, you look back at Mary. “That was amazing, Mary, well done. You are getting better every day.”

She smiles at you.

“Are you flirting with (Y/N), Sean?” Maggie’s voice behind you makes everyone turn around. The knife-throwing lesson group is already moving away in the distance to get back home, and only Maggie and Sasha are left. “That’s a very bad idea.”

“If Daryl finds out I don’t want to think what he would do.” Sasha chuckles, making fun of him. “He doesn't like people getting too close to his wife. He just wants (Y/N) all by himself.”

Suddenly, Sean looks frightened, because he had met a very silent Daryl. That scared the strangers.

“Thank you, Sasha.” You say, but she just laughs as you look at Sean with a soft gaze. “They're kidding, Sean, please, don't listen to them.”

Maggie chuckles.

“Okay, it’s time to go, guys. Get your things and go home.”

Everyone on the Hilltop respected Maggie, so the twins take their things and walk in the same direction as the other group after saying goodbye. You walk towards the tree and pick up the arrows. They are firm against the trunk, and you think how easy it would be to embed it in the body of the enemy. But that is a dark thought, so you push it away and go back with the girls to walk through the woods.

“Is Daryl okay, (Y/N)?”

Your gaze moves from the front and you look to your left without stopping. Maggie waits, her eyes looking at you with concern. You know where her question is going, because since you and Daryl came to that place, he couldn’t look at Maggie in the eyes.

“Yeah. He is.”

Your short answer makes her nod, thoughtful, but she is not satisfied with it. Maggie loved Daryl, she worried about him, and you knew nothing had changed for her.

“He seems distant these days.”

You knew perfectly well that Daryl was being distant with everybody. He disappeared all day in the forest and barely spoke at night, and the only one who seemed to be able to approach him was Jesus. It hurt you to think that Daryl didn’t lean on you as your husband, but he was like that and you knew it when you married him, and now, you couldn’t complain.

The amber light from lamp on the picnic table glows in the dark and cold night as you and Jesus play cards. You sit down on the wooden chair and rest your elbows on the table, having a good time with him, but you didn’t tell him that you only stayed up so late because Daryl hadn’t yet returned.

Time passed and you worried more.

“And… straight flush!” Jesus throws his cards on the table feeling like a winner. All his cards are hearts: 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. “Beat that, (Y/N).”

You chuckle.

“It is impressive, Jesus, but you don’t win with that…” You push your cards on the table, too, five cards of spades from 10 to ace, without feeling like a winner though. “I think this is a Royal flush. And it means I win.”

Jesus leans his elbows on the table and his expression falls.

“If this was not ordinary poker I would have lost all my clothes by now.”

You laugh, and for a moment, that seems like a very distant memory. Jesus begins to laugh with you, but his smile falls as the gates open and he looks back. You both look in the same direction and see Daryl coming in with his crossbow around his body and a canvas bag that seems to be heavy, so surely he had hunted some animals.

Jesus turns again and picks up all the cards as Daryl walks towards you two. The distance is long so Jesus speaks freely, with softly.

“He’s just having a bad time, (Y/N), but don’t worry about him.”

It was impossible not to worry about him.

“I know his personality is… special, but it’s a bit hurtful that he still can not talk to me.”

“It’s not that he doesn’t want to do it, it’s just that Daryl doesn’t want to worry you. He doesn’t know how to do it, too.” He sighs. “Should we play again?”

You are still not sleepy and being awake turning on the bed is not a tempting idea, so you nod while finally, Daryl reaches you two.

“Shouldn’t ya be sleepin’?” He asks, his voice low and hoarse.

He cares about you, he always did.

“We’re playing cards.”

“I’m playing; (Y/N) is kicking my ass.” Jesus chuckles, handing out the cards. “Do you want to play, Daryl?”

“Nah. I’ll go to sleep.”

Daryl just passes you by and walks towards the trailer. You feel that your body falls when you exhale, but you take the cards to forget the matter, at least for a while.

After about 25 minutes, you call it a night when your eyelids start to feel heavy, so you say goodnight to Jesus and walk back to the trailer. You didn’t sleep much anymore, but sometimes, under the apparent protection of the gates surrounding you, you could lay down for a while, to stop thinking.

Inside and on the other side of the trailer, Sean and Mary are sleeping too, so you quietly take off your boots before lying down on the bed. From his side, Daryl sleeps with his back to you. However, lying on your left side and as you drift off into a light sleep, you feel Daryl rolling over in bed, blindly searching for the warmth of your body, pressing himself against you, because that reminded him that he is still alive.

In the Hilltop orchard, you are glad to see the vegetables growing perfectly. The days were good in that place because the people accepted you two so fast. Mutual help was what increased the trust between the community and the new guests, and until then, everything went well.

Squatting, in front of the orchard, your hands become dirty as you remove some soil.

“Normal people would wear gloves, (Y/N).” Sean chuckles, appearing in front of you as you stand up.

“Are you calling me weird?” You tease him and run the back of your hand down your face to scratch your cheek. “I thought you were practicing with the bow.”

“I was going to go now, but I thought you were going with us.” He smiles a little bit, kind of shy.

You smile a little bit too.

“Not today, Sean. My arm hurts.”

The bowstring used to scrape your skin every time you released the rope, and the friction was starting to burn, but the truth is that you are tired mentally after last night.

“(Y/N)…” Sean chuckles, again. “You have some dirt on your cheek.”

Your first reaction is to clean it, but getting even more soil on your face. Sean tries not to laugh, and you wipe your hands on your jean before trying again.

“I think I should have worn gloves. Guess you were right after all.” You chuckle. “But don't tell Sean, I don't want him to think he's always right.”

He smiles.

“Here… let me do it for you.” Sean hides his hand on his long sleeve to help, and he wipes your face gently. “We don’t want you to go around here with your pretty face dirty.”

But there, just as in the romantic books you used to read before the world went to hell; Daryl has to arrive at the wrong time to misunderstand the situation completely, and in that moment, he takes Sean’s arm and pushes it away from you.

“Keep yer hands off ma wife or I’ll break ‘em, kid. I ain’t gonna say it twice.”

You feel terrible, because Sean is still young and easy to scare.

“Daryl…” You call him in such a firm voice that he turns to look at you. The fire inside is suddenly burning, but Sean is not the one to blame for anything. “Sean, leave us alone, please.”

He looks at Daryl and then at you, wondering if you would be okay. But, even scared of Daryl's horrible silence the past few days, Sean remains in his place.

“(Y/N), are you sure?” He whispers, and his small words are enough to make Daryl narrow his eyes, giving Sean a look full of anger.

“Are ya fuckin’ thinkin' I’m gonna hurt ma wife, kid?” But before Daryl can take a step towards him, you block his way with your body, causing your husband to stop dead in his tracks, however, you can’t stop him from keep talking. “Ya better walk away ‘fore I start beatin’ your ass.”

You are mad as hell, but you pull yourself together before trying again.

“Daryl, shut it!” You say firmly again, without raising your voice because that wasn’t in your nature, sadly, and you look at Sean. “Sean, leave. In any case, I would hurt him first so don’t worry. Go, please.”

Unsure, Sean walks away, but it's your confident words that keep Daryl looking at you. However, before you could say anything to him, you hear the man on the gates screaming that the saviors are coming.

“(Y/N)! Daryl!” Enid shouts running toward you from the gates, and you two run towards her and meet halfway. “You two must hide. The saviors should not know that you two are here.”

“Wait, no…” You say quickly. “We must find Maggie first. She’s in the woods with the others.”

“Jesus went to warn her. She will be alright. Come on!” Enid runs toward the building behind and you two run after her.

The sound of the cars become clearer and the gates open just as you all surround the building. Enid stops at the wooden doors that would lead you two to a cellar in a small basement, but it doesn’t feel right, not while the others are exposed with the saviors there.

However, Daryl opens the door and waits for you to enter.

“I will come for you when they are gone.” Enid says behind you.

Against everything, you walk down the stone steps and open the wooden door to enter the cellar while the place sinks in the darkness the moment Enid closes the doors above. The vegetable baskets are stack on shelves, and you push one to the side, which had enough space for you to hide in case someone come down. But, when you turn, you see Daryl staring through a hole in the door with his knife in his hand.

“Daryl, this is not the right time…” You whisper. Your mouth is dry and you feel your heart as tight as your stomach. “Please, don’t do it, not now.”

The plea in your voice surprise him, so he turns around and you both hide. The shadows of the basement serve as protection as he pushes the shelf back into the right place. It is not long before the outside doors open again, and the light enters through the cracks in the wood. You hold your breath when one of the saviors comes in, watching everything around him and then taking a basket. The place is full with food and the savior begins to collect the vegetables, piling them near the door.

And again and again, he turns his back on you, unprotected. Daryl lifts the knife in his hand, squeezing it hard, so close to kill the savior. But, even if you know he could handle one of them, they are too many outsides for you to make it alive, so you raise one hand and close it around his wrist, soft but firm, and at then, he finally looks at you after days. His blue eyes hold your gaze, and you slowly shake your head to stop him.

Fortunately, the savior takes his things and leave. Your heart feels less heavy and you breathe again as Daryl and you step out of that little hiding place. Doubts return to you, and you wonder how much harm those people could do, and how much harm you could do, and you ask for the time when you only had to worry about the walkers.

“I could have killed him.” Daryl grunts with his back in front of you.

The hatred to them for having kept him in that cell was never going to disappear.

“I know well you could. But you didn’t think about the consequences.”

Through his shirt, you see his back tighten.

“I never do it, do I? That’s why people die… ‘cause of me.”

The guilt you hear in his voice takes your breath away. Daryl really believed that, and his voice was so sincere and broken that it breaks your heart. The guilt is on his shoulders, you can see it more clearly know, so heavy that he can hardly bear it.

“Daryl…” You say, preparing to say your best friend’s name. “Glenn’s death was not your fault.”

Daryl turns, head down and part of his hair covering his face. His strength is destroyed, and he sobs before he speaks.

“It was… I have nightmares 'bout it. If I had not been so stupid…”

“Daryl, no…” You try again, taking a deep breath before. It is hard for you to hear his words, because they weren’t true. “Things happen, people die and we can’t help it, but we can honor their lives, fight for the things they believed in. They are not here but we are, and now I understand that we owe them this because they deserve it. Glenn was brave, kind, strong, and had a beautiful heart that not everyone has. He stayed true to himself, he didn’t lose part of him in this world, and he loved you so much because you and he were exactly the same.” Silent tears are about to fall from your eyes, but you stop them for a moment. “Talk to Maggie, okay? Listen to her and believe when she tells that she loves you so much because she wouldn’t lie to you. The way she sees you has not changed at all. But you have to forgive yourself even if you are not guilty of anything. Be stronger and fight for Glenn, make him feel proud. It’s the only way you can live in peace.”

He takes a moment, but finally, Daryl nods, he wipes his face and tries to hold your gaze.

“I’m sorry for leavin’ ya alone these days. I’m so sorry, peach.” He says softly, and you walk to him to put your arms around his shoulders. He clings to you like his life depends of it, arms around your waist, holding your body against him. His beard tickles your bare neck and he takes a deep breath before looking back at you, but without letting you go from his side. “And I would never hurt ya, never, y’know it, right?”

You let out a sigh, knowing that from there, things would get better.

“I know, love, but you still have to apologize to Sean.” You smile a little bit just to lighten the mood, pushing away a few strands of his hair out of his face to look into his eyes, but at the same time letting him know that you are serious. “If not, I'm going to have to hurt you, like, seriously.”

Daryl smiles softly, and he nods, hugging you again.

At that very moment, he is letting out all the pain that was hurting him all that time, but that was the first step to healing. And you know that everything would improve over time. Hearts healed at their own pace but they did eventually. And right there, your hearts are regenerating, closing their wounds and beating harder than before.

[httpswritings]

cinnamon girl — Katie McCabe x Reader

Warnings: mentions of surgery, anesthesia, anxiety and clowns.

Word count: 970

Summary: Comforting Katie as she has to face one of her biggest fears.

A/N: Based on this request <3

“There's things I wanna say to you, but I'll just let you live”

“I can't! I can't do it because I'm scared... I've been scared all week because just the thought of anesthesia makes me want to throw up.”

Katie. Funny, extroverted, and entertaining.

Everyone always had a good laugh when they were around her.

Confident, strong, and optimistic.

That's the main idea people had about her.

Only her closest circle knew that, behind the shell of being an outgoing and charismatic woman, a vulnerable and sensitive Katie was found.

You had been discovering this aspect of her as she let you get to know her better.

Always being cautious with who she would open to, she knew that she could trust you but still didn't want to show her truest self as she was worried of scaring you.

“But if you hold me without hurting me, you'll be the first who ever did”

You hugged her in absolute silence for half an hour. Only the sounds of the street and your breathing filled the room.

You softly shushed Katie when she apologized to you for shouting at you.

Her breathing began to slow down as she sighed and leaned on your chest.

“You don't have to pretend to be fine, Katie. Anesthesia's not a big deal for me, but it is for you, the same way clowns are funny to you and I'm frightened just by thinking of them.

Katie giggled as she remembered the time when you hid behind her as a kid dressed up in a clown costume approached you on Halloween.

“What I mean, baby, is that you can open up to me. I'm here for you. I'll probably won't be able to be next to you when your surgery takes place, but I'll be outside of the room thinking about you. If, when you're there, you feel like you can't calm yourself down, think about me and focus only on those thoughts. Imagine me being next to you, holding your hand, and telling you how much I love you and how proud I am of you for going through this, because that's how I feel. The proudest girlfriend ever knowing my brave girl is going to do great.”

-

“Hold me, love me, touch me, honey, be the first who ever did”

Katie couldn't stop looking at you. It's just as if she stopped doing it, you'd disappear.

Her hand was tightly holding yours.

You could see her eyes were holding tears back.

Her glazed expression was concerning.

“Darling, you're going to be okay. Thankfully, they've let me stay in this room during the whole procedure, so I'll be waiting for you to take care of you just the way you deserve. When you wake up, you'll have a precious bucket of lilies adorning your room. I'll go buy them when I certainly know that the operation is over, so don't worry about me being far away when you're still going under surgery.”

-

Katie remembered your previous words. «Imagine me holding your hand. Focus on me and only me. Me. Me. Me. You're safe, Katie. I'm right here.» She noticed the syringe piercing her skin.

You noticed how Katie's body tensed, so you rushed to caress her cheek. «Katie, it's okay. I'm here, baby. Focus on me. You're safe.»

She kept looking at you and hearing your encouraging words until the anesthesia started to do its work.

She began to lose consciousness with you easing her nervousness until she completely dozed off.

-

You were with her during the whole surgery. You couldn't deny that you were nervous, listening to the surgeons give orders to their assistants.

Seeing your girlfriend so vulnerable overwhelmed you with a feeling of protectiveness.

«You're doing great, Katie. I'm so proud of you, darling.» You thought as if she could read your mind.»

When the surgeons told you that the procedure was over, you kissed Katie on the forehead and went to buy the lilies you had promised her.

-

Katie began to wake up, and just as you had promised her earlier, a beautiful bucket of lilies accompanied her in the room, with you caressing her hair and softly smiling at her.

“Hello, sleepy girl.“

She smiled as she opened and closed her eyes, blinking in slow motion.

“How did it go?”

“Shh... It went well, baby. How do you feel?”

She tried to settle into the bed, but you stopped her.

“Darling, don't do that. Let's wait until the doctor comes so we can know if it's okay for you to sit down.”

She whined, but obeyed.

“I feel okay. I feel a little bit dizzy and as if I have a cold. My stomach feels weird, but I'm hungry.”

Katie looked around the room, noticing the bucket of lilies.

“Your promise...”

Her amused tone warmed your heart.

“Yes, my love. I always keep my promises. Do you like them?” you said referring to the flowers.

“Of course I do. They're so beautiful.”

“They are. They're not the most beautiful thing in this room, but they're pretty decent.”

She looked confused for a second until she realized what you meant.

“I don't look beautiful,” she said, laughing ironically, still with a soft tone due to the anesthesia.

“Look is not the correct word. You are beautiful. No matter the circumstances.”

She rolled her eyes and tried to stabilize herself, as that movement made her dizziness stronger.

“I don't have the strength to fight you, but you know—” She stopped talking as she looked at you.

As she regained more consciousness, she realized you were there and what that meant to her.

“Thank you, my love. Thank you for being here, and thank you for understanding me.”

You kissed her head and caressed her cheek.

“I'm so proud of you, Katie. So, so proud. Not only have you faced your fear, but you still take your time to be grateful.”

You both exchanged a look that showed nothing but pure admiration for each other, making that hospital room brighten up with your love.

[aprocessionofthoughts]

Trust

part 9 of DLM ao3

After the stew was done and Danny got out of the shower they all sat down to eat. They ate in silence for a while neither one of the bats wanting to push Danny into feeling uncomfortable, but Jason had a question he wanted to ask. He probably should have asked earlier, but he’ll blame it on the shock for not thinking of it sooner.

“Hey, Danny?”

“Yeah?” Danny said, setting his spoon down.

“How did you know it was me?”

Danny tilted his head and squinted, “What do you mean?”

Jason gestured with his spoon, off to the side Dick was watching them, his gaze analytical. “I mean, how did you know the guy in a red helmet was me?”

“Oh.” Danny settled and picked up his spoon again, through a mouthful of soup he answered, “It wuz th’ same ectoplasmic signature.”

Jason stared. He glanced at Dick, but he also looked confused.

Across from them Danny paused and glanced between them warily. He stared at Dick for a moment before turning to Jason. “Like I mentioned before, we’ve both been… death touched. And when someone’s been death touched a bit of ectoplasm gets incorporated into their system, the amount of ectoplasm varies depending on the situation. But when ectoplasm binds with a person it develops its own unique chemical signature. You can think of it like DNA. Ghosts and some machines can sense the differences, so when I came across Red Hood, I could sense that it was you.”

“Huh.” Jason said unable to come up with anything else in the face of discovering that he gave of what probably amounted to his own unique radioactive signal.

“And you said some machines can track this?” Dick asked. Jason was thankful that his brother was here because he wasn’t sure if he was up for asking all the necessary questions.

Danny looked hesitant again and looked at jason.

Jason nodded at him and Danny looked a little reassured.

“Yeah. There are a few. That’s how the GIW are tracking me. I don’t think they were around Jason enough to latch onto his ecto-signature so you shouldn’t need to be worried about them tracking you down. Gotham has plenty of low level ghosts so their scanners should be pretty muddled. But that’s also why I should go. My signature is stronger than the shades of Gotham and They know how to track it. I don’t want to give you any more trouble.”  Daanny wasn't looking at either of them, instead he was completely focused on stirring his stew.

Jason and Dick glanced at each other.

“Hey, Danny, look at me.” Jason said.

It took a bit, but eventually Danny looked up.”

Jason smiled slightly, “I told you I’d protect you, didn’t I?”

Danny looked away, biting his lip. “I don’t want to put you in danger.”

Jason reached across the table and placed his hand over one of Danny’s. “I’m Red Hood, kid, I can defend myself. And there are plenty of bats in Gotham who would love to help.”

“The GIW are different. They don’t care who they have to hurt to get what they want. They’ll just keep bringing in more agents until they get me.”

“Well then we’ll bring in the Justice League.” Jason said, Bruce would be okay with it if Jason told him it was to protect a kid. 

“I don’t want you to get caught in the crossfire. I won’t let you get hurt.” Danny said, shaking his head. 

Jason glanced over at his brother. Dick was always better with the emotional talk.

“We’re vigilantes Danny. We’ve been trained in defending ourselves and others.” Dick said.

“And they wouldn’t be able to take us down without causing people to go after them for attacking vigilantes.” Jason added.

Danny shook his head harder, he was staring at the table, his eyes slightly glossy. “They won’t care, they'll lie and say you were defending dangerous creatures, that you were being manipulated by evil ghosts.” Danny laughed bitterly. “Or they’ll claim you’re also contaminated and capture or exterminate you. They’ll do anything to get what they want.”

There was more to this, Jason knew. Something bad had happened to the kid, apart from the obvious scar, but now wasn’t the time to push for information. Right now, they needed to convince Danny to stay with them, to let them protect him.

Jason got up, walked around the table and crouched by Danny’s chair. “Kid, look at me.” Jason said gently. He waited till Danny did before continuing. “I know you’re scared,” Danny opened his mouth and Jason continued before he could argue, “and I know you’re worried about us getting hurt. But this is what we do. We fight to protect people. And there are a lot of powerful people on our side. And I’m sorry we haven’t been there for you before, I’m sorry we didn’t get to you in time in the past, but we’re here now. Together we can take down the GIW. Let us help you.”

Danny’s eyes started watering, and Jason reached up to give his shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

Then Jason was falling back as the kid launched himself at him. Jason held Danny as he started to sob. “I’ve got you, kid. I’ve got you.”

“Thank you.” Danny whispered as he cried. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

[decaffeinatedpartymuggoop]

Okay, we all know being a demigod is a shit position. Its scary and gets you killed in really nasty ways. But I feel like being a Big Three Kid has to be the shitiest position in all the shit positions.

Like, imagine being Thalia Grace. Your dad is king of the gods, lord of the skies. Led a war to get rid of a tyrant. And the only thing you get is his scorned wife AND brother, who both try to kill you (with one technically succeeding), a drunk of a mother, and brother who you thought was dead. Oh, wait, he’s not dead! No instead he was used as an offering to appease your dad’s wife and help fight in a war and prevent mass destruction.

Or maybe you can imagine being Percy. Son of the sea god, the stormbringer, the earthshaker. You get to live with a disgusting, abusive man for around 6 years. Who smells like literal shit. All because your scent as a demigod is too strong, BECAUSE of who your father is. You see things that you aren’t supposed to see and do things that people can’t do and go years thinking something is wrong with you. That your the problem. Then you get to the one place where you’re supposed to be save. But! Here is the kicker! You’re not! Your uncles hate you and you’ve been accused of stealing a symbol of power. A series of events that will kick off a war, and guess what. You’re a center point for it. Welcome to Camp Half-Blood.

Mhm, but then there’s Hazel. Daughter Pluto, god of the underworld and riches. But that doesn’t really change anything does it? She’s still living in 1930s America, in a red state. One where confederate flags still hang if you go deep enough into the city. She go to a school where the kids are supposed to be just like her! They still don’t like her tho. She’s got no idea who your father is, only that he left her with a parting gift. Only it’s not really a gift. Sure, she can pull rubies and diamonds from the earth, all worth millions. But anyone who’s ever gonna touch it will die. She lives with her mother, a woman gone so mad with greed it kills her. And Hazel, by the way. Laying dead Alaska, inhaling oil. But it doesn’t end there! She can’t have her mother suffering for eternity, can she? The answer is no. Hazel gets to spend the next 70 years in the Fields of Asphodel. It still doesn’t end! Because when she’s brought back to life, she gets to fight in a war against giants, her sad story seemingly never ending.

Nico’s a son of one of the Big Three, one of the most ancient and most powerful. But most people look at him as something bad, something not worth taking a second glance at. Something too look away from, mostly. He’s from the 30s, spent years in a magical time casino with only his sister at his side. She doesn’t stay for long though, she dies soon after they discover their heritage. And he doesn’t remember his mother much, a name without a face. A face without a name. He survived an attempted assassination at 2, though it wouldn’t be the only time his was life was threatened. He clings to his sister, even though she’s dead. He’s the son of the god of the underworld, is he not? There had to be a way, and there is. Only she won’t talk to him, she seems more concerned with communicating with the guy who got her killed instead. She chooses rebirth, and he decides to lay it to rest. She’s not coming back, and he has a war to fight in. (He gets stuck in a jar and forcibly outed a few years later, but that’s a lot to get into for now.)

Jason Grace is a pillar of New Rome, their golden boy, their American boy. He’s a son of Jupiter, a natural born leader. He’s been at camp for as long as he can remember, he wants to be praetor soon. He’s had a rocky start, but maybe he’ll be one of the lucky ones. Retire a veteran and live a long life with Reyna in New Rome. Only that never happened. He has no idea where he is, there’s a girl holding his hand, and she’s cute but it feels wrong. They get attacked and people come in and call him a Greek demigod, familiar, yes, but still wrong. It doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t put things into perspective the way it does for Piper and Leo. He’s goes to a quest to rescue Hera, the name sounds wrong. He nearly dies but at least he remembers who he is. He spends the next 6 months trying to get back home, even though he isn’t too sure on where or what home is. He gets there, eventually, but it doesn’t stop there. He’s dragged on quests and battles and fights in the war but at least he survives it, he’s still there. Apollo needs help, he and Piper give him aid. He gets dumped. He doesn’t get to he a veteran in New Rome. Not with Reyna, not with Piper, not with anybody. He doesn’t get kids or grandkids. No, he gets shot down, another demigod buried.

You could be any one of them, really. Pick your poison, but I guarantee you won’t like any of them. Spending years trying to find a place where you belong, where you feel safe. Only for it to never come.

Percy, who, if you really look at the books, isn’t really all that well liked until he’s at least 2 years into camp. Only to then be sidelined because the courages, brave, fearless daughter of Zeus is back from the dead. Nico, the son of one of the most feared and hated gods. Who has death written all over him, who excludes it so much animals can smell it and humans can sense it, who’s been ostracized and pushed off to the side since he was 10. Hazel, who was treated like disease as soon as she stepped foot on camp soil. Who’s gone her whole life looked as something that’s cursed, that will only bring misfortune, a bad omen.

Shit positions, all of them.

[the-labyrinth-of-me]

Alan Wake 2 revived and expanded my love for art.

Long read under the cut

I used to read a lot as a kid. It was the first thing I did in the morning on the weekends - grab the book I was currently reading from the nightstand and continue where I had left off the other day, then go and have breakfast later. I didn't like the other language related stuff I did at school - although I was always good at it - like reading and learning poems, interpretations, the likes. I needed fiction to dive into. As I arrived in the late teenage years, I stopped reading completely, and discovered my love for music. That never faded, but reading was an interest that had simply died. When I moved out from my parent's and into an apartment with my boyfriend, I started watching movies and shows, which I never properly could at home since I didn't have my own television. Life was okay back then, ups and downs, nothing out of the ordinary. We played Alan Wake for the ole XBox 360, simply because my boyfriend was a passionate reader and the game was about a writer lol. I had so many books around because of my boyfriend , but almost never grabbed one of them (aside from Game of Thrones and maybe a handful of others, at most).

I never viewed all of those creations, those art forms, as art, however. For me, art was always reduced and exclusive to weird sculptures and undefined paintings. Stuff nobody could understand. If it's not making sense, it's art. Nothing from the entertainment field especially. And entertainment never was art for me.

A few years ago, my private situation changed. Boyfriend and I got married and we started a family. That's when entertainment related art became a sort of escapism for me. Something I could dive into rather than family business. I still didn't connect the things I was into back then as art. That only changed when I was captivated by Alan Wake 2. This game single-handedly changed my understanding and tolerance not only for my favorite forms of art (namely music and video games), but got me into exploring for myself what art is. Listening to interviews with people involved in making this game also contributed to that as they talked a lot about art. As per usual with my hyperfixations, I thought about this game, the characters and the storyline a lot and jumped into all kinds of rabbit holes. And one day, I realized that this game that is highly revolving about artists (as per the Dark Presence's nature) does in fact not feature many, many kinds of art, but can truly be called an artistic work, and is an ode, a homage to art. This game celebrates art and its existence and it doesn't tell you which form of art is better and which one is worse. It cherishes and values anything that resembles and represents art, cherishes and values creators. Artists. Poets. Novelists. Photographers. Musicians. Actors. Directors. Filmmakers. Painters. Video game delelopers. Even fan fiction authors. It is those that make fun of these art forms that the game reprimands and punishes. Hartman and the Mormants namely for abusing artists, only seeing them as tools, as content creators for the sake of creating anything, as long as it fulfils a selfish purpose. The game takes us on the journey of creating, of success and failure, try and error, rewriting, scratching, editing, more drafts, doubts, depression, the list goes on. Also addiction. Apparently, Stephen King wrote some of his books while he was drunk and he couldn't remember later what he even wrote (hello to Alan and his memory problems). Artist's addiction definitely is a subject in the game. It helps them see and expand their creativity, yes, but also causes problems, naturally.

So what is art? It's anything that triggers an emotion, basically. A song that deeply touches you. A painting that reveals more its beauty the longer you observe it. The composition of nature, captured in a photograph. The Dark Presence feeds on emotions. Alan can't escape from the Dark Place until he ties emotions into his story through Saga. His work doesn't work without emotions. And if a certain kind of art form doesn't resonate with you, try another one. During an interview, Ilkka said "never only choose one form of art, always be open for others". I tried to follow his advice and he's right about it. And I found out that, by engaging with art, you might discover a thing or two about yourself as well, because art is tied to your emotions. It's a journey through your memories, your soul, your feelings. I discovered that I appreciate art much more than I thought, and I could kiss Sam Lake simply for the Lake House DLC and its take on ai art, and the exploration of what art is, when art is art, who defines if and when someone is an artist. It's an interesting thought process that I haven't finished for myself. Sam also taught me to always carry something to write in case you get an idea for a story lol.

What did the game ultimately bring for me, then? How did and do I profit from it? Well, first of all, I joined an English writing and reading club in my hometown. I'm more comfortable to talk openly about my fanfics. I got back into reading. (roughly 150 pages left in House of Leaves). I'm more sensitive to the beauty of nature, which I try to capture in photos. It kind of feels like a piece of a puzzle I've been missing without realizing it. It has only happened once so far that a piece of media has had such a huge impact on me before (rest in peace Arthur). And the Alan Wake community is so lovely too.

I would go as far as to say that art is arguably the biggest invention of the human race. Not only because the existence of art can be traced back to thousands of years ago. But because engaging with art causes to trigger what I define as our most important trait: emotions. Sometimes I wonder if people who don't have an interest in any art form see and feel the world in a different way. If they might even be disconnected from their emotions in some point, from their vulnerability. Art makes us vulnerable. This can be scary. But, like I said, it's worth the journey to discover more about ourselves. Because without art, we'd just be apes.

[storgicdealer]

ehehehehehe okay. first things first i figured out a good name for stohio: carteblan (i cannot believe it took me this long ive been calling it stohio for like ? oh my god just over a year now)

anyways yeah.

i havent figured out the exact timeline, but a couple years before victim "came back to life"/escaped the ava1 youtube video (that's a whole other can of worms), stickfigures were just finding out about the existence of other living sticks. in particular, freedom was a rather popular figure as one of the first sticks to break out of stick slavery (many living stickfigures were put to tasks, similar to chosen and second, where it was either do the task or die). freedom specifically was the first to discover the outernet, and quickly provided a link to others online.

he then created the "stick freedom ad" (which earned him his name; prior to this, he was simply known as unti (short for untitled) (sticks having Names outside of their roles was not a common thing yet)). he made this ad and scammed several websites into displaying it without actually paying for it by using fraudulent money (there are a couple very old blog posts and forum posts about the Stick Freedom Ad and what its supposed to mean, since clicking on it leads to an error 404).

as more sticks were freed and entered the outernet, they began to build houses. some sticks that had experience with drawing helped draw the sketches for these houses, which was then built upon using the surrounding resources. this eventually developed into carteblan, the city that mango and purple live in today.

however as time passed the culture in carteblan became a little elitist--- victim-blamey (haha), acting like all sticks should be strong, and turning down their noses on sticks who look a little too different from the norm (like paleo, ballista and hazard) (the norm being hollowheads, fullheads and whiteheads).

like i mentioned in my reblog, the sticks in carteblan began to crave more, lives similar to human lives, and amongst that was a demand for stick children. in my headcanon, sticks cannot reproduce and any sex they have is entirely recreational, so they had to devise another method for having kids. adoption, like mango did with gold in my hc, is the most common way of doing this.

sticks like second, that can draw things to life, are extremely rare (like 1 out of a thousand) in the outernet, but theres a couple thousand people in carteblan as of 2024 so there are a few sticks that can actually draw sticks to life. thus, they do 'kid' commissions where they literally draw a kid to life in exchange for money. there are also some website sticks in touch with their animators who ask their animators do do kid commissions as well for people in the outernet.

wow okay this is long. there are other stick cities too but the two major cities are carteblan and adagia most other sticks live in solitude or on websites ok im done woo

grabs you by the shoulders. falls onto the floor. has a fucking awakening

DUDE.

this is one of the most amazing things ive seen recently that inspired me to make a ramble/srs.

im going to create another part of my ramble series and pin it because of it im fr

foundation of the outernet, development of outernet sticks and creation of living beings

(a ramble made with the help of an immaculate person with amazing ideas)

OH MY GOD?????? FIRSTLY. i need to mention that i ADORE that we both have an idea that outernet was discovered by created internet/pc sticks. that its appearance began to be a place for a whole race to live in. and that its not something that exists completely naturally and independently from it. this is the theory of their origins i believe most right now

freedom being the founder IS SICK. ITS SO FUCKING SICK im rolling on the floor

in my "rules of code" ramble also i supposed sticks being in touch with their creators as well and them also BEING DRAWN!!! by sticks and creators. ill put a screenshot of everything hold on

outernets creation

my thoughts about outernets existence that most of which i think i explained

lives of stickmen and reproduction

my thoughts were about reproduction as well!!!!! its mostly accepted as canon in the fandom that sticks reproduce naturally but i cannot say that it actually is canon. everything that was going on with purple was symbolic and didnt showcase like. natural birth

alan said that for gold to exist king would have to marry a very neon yellow stick.

AND THIS made me confirm my headcanon that stick children are created by parent(s) own code. that they cannot influence it or prefer a color, that their code INHERENTLY has the variety of the color palette and hexcodes embedded into it.

ABOUT the code and colors. (i believe that the colors of sticks mixing up with each others is COMPLETELY code.)

all sticks inherently have a code and a name that gives them associated power. that can be messed with as well by a user (tdl command). its something that ive also talked in my rules of code ramble and mentioned the concept of "levels" and name power hierarchy

the chosen one, created and possessing a grandeu amount of power

the dark lord, also posessing a lot of power (that i dont believe couldve came from the command that was written into them. the command of destroying chosen is a goal that i believe is able to not be achieved)

the second coming, the name of someone that ties them with their predecessor (does make me wonder though how exactly their code made a connection with our chosen. maybe its possible that the name "the second coming" by itself, as a level, implies being a coming of someone powerful)

victim, being quite weak by themselves and not posessing any power by their own and having to rely on pc programs they're aware of.

i believe that being able to code a stick into a specific power and duty is something that could only be achieved and controlled through the feature of the program the stick was created in. in case of outernet, since they dont have access to computer programs and therefore, programs of creation such as adobe they cannot influence or change one's code

when it comes to creation of a stick i truly believe that you are able to give them color by yourself, unless the child is made by connecting it to the codes of its supposed parent(s). they gain hue by either actually taking/mixing up the colors of the parents or by taking one color in case of a sole parent.

(societal thought: its possible that outernet sticks, due to not wanting to have a literal copy and just an extension of themselves and wanting to create an "actual new life" by mixing colours prefer to have children with a partner, and not by themselves only)

have thought that color/code of the stick could be influenced by the parent(s) preferences, like a parent would like to have a kid similar to them and name them the same way (thus resulting/having their hexcode being picked out individually) BUT. i remembered alans words about kings spouse.

that for gold to exist king would need to marry a really neon yellow stick.

would it imply that sticks that subtract parent(s) code cannot influence the color of the stick created? as much as it impossible to influence the features of a born child in our real life, only taking it from parents and letting the nature play a randomizer. and that the only thing that they are able to influence is the shape of their creation?

society of outernet

THE CONCEPT OF STICKS SOCIETY BEING ELITIST ABOUT THIS STUFF. im eating it im not sure what fully do with it yet but im eating it

ive also talked about society there

when talking about creators of mercs king purple and co i was mostly thinking about real users. BUT YOUR CONCEPT OF STICKS BEING DRAWN BY OTHER STICKS AND ME THINKING ABOUT IT AS WELL . THIS IS SO FUCKING AMAZING. this is canon for me IDC!!!!!!

it does, however, make me wonder of their living process. we know that alan's hollowheads are created for a reason, are born aware of themselves, how to walk/run/interact/fight and havent been seen aging or changing. and due to chosen, victim and second surviving a whole bunch of damage that should've killed them, second literally REFUSING to delete, the fate of dark lord being unknown and alan not giving a straight answer about it and, very important: cg as created sticks being unable to actually die and needing only refresh of a page to continue living, having all their memories intact... makes me wonder that stickmen created directly by a human hand are unable to die.

(does make me wonder about another completely different thing. the societal perception. is it acceptable to be in touch with your stick creators? how would it even feel. do they perceive them as a distant relative?? do sticks that are able to create life consider their creations close to them as well??? im imagining something along the lines about detroit stuff with connor&kamski but way less intense)

connection of realms and creation of life

ive rambled A TON about connection of internet and outernet and how sticks especially of outernet could connect and travel between realms. hear ye hear ye.

right now i genuinely believe that stick society advanced so far in the outernet and got to live there that their connection with the internet mightve severed:

sticks of outernet don't physically interact neither with internet/pc programs OR travel there unless they obtained something that could allow them to travel to a pc/internet (the minecraft block and nether portals that seem doing quite fine in the outernet dimension) or have powers that can allow them to break through (chosen and the computer/ip sky which, interestingly, has only been seen broken through on the alanspc ip adress//dark portals to the internet).

given this, there's not a lot of accesible methods of traveling to the internet and most of them are available only to pc sticks.

(except. for king and purple. except for king getting a block from minecraft that was not supposed to be in the outernet from that merchant in his backstory. but it is a whole another can of worms as well)

as far as we've seen sticks that werent exposed to pc and internet tech dont really use or possess any tech that could access it??????? the times where we've seen tech such as computers/phones/tvs/pc and programs interface were always in possession of sticks that came from a pc or were there at least once (hollowheads, the cg, purple) or were entrusted with it from someone that was on a pc (mercenaries). talking about the video used on the tv in "the king" episode... it has never been shown that this video was being shown directly from the youtubes platform either. and that lead me to a thought that outernet sticks might not even interacted with internet's properties except for the tools used to create a life that came along with the foundation of the internet and most likely were developed from tools brought by the first sticks. but the way outernet progressed they might not even know that this stuff is literally from another realm

heck, a daring thought.

in case of outernet being almost completely cut off from its original internet history recent sticks of outernet might not even know of the existence of pcs and internet.

this does however clash with sticks being still created by people and sticks that are able to create life being in touch with them. but its still supposable that only rare sticks with an ability to create life somewhat have a.. gene? passed through to them from some of their ancestors that could've been able to create life. and users dont exactly come into this (also given its unlikely that its a regular experience for a user to be emulated in the outernet world like it was with alans cursor in showdown)

continuing to talk about elitism. again this is such a sick concept

im thinking right now that elitism towards stickmen that arent completely strong/prefer not to engage in fighting due to the progress of their civilization//different kinds of stickmen mightve also came from the original stickmen (im going start coloring this concept now. also this whole is some adam and eve stuff) that were created to fight. we know from our real world that the first appearance of sticks in the internet didnt come from a desire to animate them in a fighting ring but the whole scene and culture of fighting sticks came around pretty quickly. the whole reason avam exists as a series

its possible that while predecessors of original stickmen werent created with fighting in mind the stickmen that discovered the outernet might as well been the first sticks created for fight. and since it isnt a thing that gone away and is most likely embedded into the code of sticks themselves in the avam universe the whole "fighting code gene" mightve been carried over to recent sticks as well. and this elitism exists that even though sticks dont have to fight anymore (to literally survive in most cases) due to the progress of their kind some conservative mfs might believe that "this is what our ancestors intendeeeddd you need to bow to your roots and your existing gene"

the elitism towards kinds of sticks is. god its such a big and very explainable and amazing concept

due to sticks just beginning existing in the internet a long while ago and mostly drawn pretty similarly (since most creators were just exploring how to draw them digitally) the race of stickmen that passed down from original stickmen could've been all just fullheads and whiteheads and perhaps hollowheads?.. im really thinking hard about it because. we havent seen hollowheads in the outernet and the fact that orange didnt even know of their existence anywhere else and even WE didnt up until they saw victim (and were probably quite damn shocked) and the fact it was possibly quite a grand moment to them confuses me.

im not sure for what reason, but the number of sticks of the race of hollowheads might have been reduced in present outernet, only having the ones that posses incredible power survive. (yet. also victim. that does not posses such power. but its a whole another idea on that they could've acquired it through different means and not from power coming from their own self)

or, it just is an avam universe rule that users didnt really think of drawing hollowheads when creating first sticks because it was hard for them to keep track of the background besides their damn hollow head and it was easier to have a stick that covered it fully on another layer LOL

either way, coming back to elitism (this sounds funny out of context), due to original sticks being simply drawn as fullheads whiteheads and possibly hollowheads it was the main race that stickmen were used to creating when drawing a new life. but with the progress of their civilization they started to experiment, eventually inventing new kinds of sticks (the kinds of hazard, ballista and paleo). due to some conservative sticks clinging to their roots they didnt like the difference from the norm.

elitism thought.

even with a possible inability to code a stick into doing something by outernet sticks would people still try to draw a stick with a specific build associated with certain jobs and tasks, trying to force them into a mold of who they are "supposed" to be? like, drawing a stick that resembles a sign (like hazard) and having them work for example as an aircraft marshaller or some other job that requires caution and directive? the grey sticks working in rocketcorp, possibly made as clerks and errand dudes?

..could purple be drawn being stronger and having a greater build than a usual stick would have, therefore disappointing navy when they dont match their expectations of a stick they wanted?

would it be a problem that progressive sticks would try to solve? allowing different kinds of sticks to exist, but not forcing them into a certain shape?

another thing. YOUVE OPENED A GATEWAY TO A SEA OF WORMS BY TELLING ME ABOUT POSSIBLE ESCAPE OF VICTIM FROM A YOUTUBE VIDEO.

my previous ramble (rocketcorp, dimensions and virtual reality) made a theory that victim, in one way or another essentially brought pc programs and tech into outernet, thus obtaining power that is, quite literally, linked with their whole creation. (very symbolic considering their whole power is the one that made their life end so fast) and, due to outernet being cut off from programs and powers of internet and pcs, became a being that literally stood higher than the reality and fabric of the outernet realm itself, possesing power that could possibly meddle with it (mercs cannons literally changing structure and whole being of objects like the corndog stand or literally messing with a sticks state and body with chosen). and i have thought that victim is the one that could use internet itself as one of their grand tools.

and. animation vs youtube. we fucking know. that a stick is able to upload itself and break the interface of internet.

no one said that the original ava video on youtube is the whole thing that victim used to escape.

also. remember me mentioning that the original video of animation vs minecraft wasnt shown to be accessed through youtube. this video looked like it was downloaded having a whole different bar at the bottom and everything. couldve it been downloaded by vic or rocketcorp?

(victim interneted the fucking internet and started showing avam series like their own show. by the way its ALSO a potential scenario i talked about before. that due to potential severing of outernet citizens with the internet the recorded adventures of the cg on pc, internet and minecraft (ESPECIALLY considering that minecraft existed as a fun simulation game on a festival) that was broadcasted could've been interpreted by outernet sticks as fiction. but its an independent funny concept to be thought about and i still didnt fully figure it out)

op.

you cracked my mind open like a walnut and i cannot stop thinking about all of your ideas

oh my god this did so much to me. ive been writing for the past two hours due to how much ideas it gave me. im going to pin this ramble because its very important to me and puts a lot of theories and headcanons in stone. you are my saviour cindersnows and you are probably going to be fucking FLABBERGASTED by the length of this post

sincerely yours storgic "the aspiring matpat of the avam fandom" dealer

[stevie-petey]

Hi there, I know you're super busy and I hope things are going well for you in school!! I saw your hcs post and it gave me an idea for a blurb. Could we see Jonathan and his crush on bug when they were younger. Like him just absorbed and enchanted with bug while she's just running around completely unaware. Maybe like they're exploring in the woods and Jonathan gets nervous so bug grabs his hand and he gets so flustered. Thank you for your time baby!! Work hard and do great!

YES YES YES !!!!!

enjoy <3

"race you to the top!" you exclaim, giggling as you shove past jonathan and force your scrawny twelve year old legs to climb up weathertop hill. he tumbles to the ground.

its your first summer in hawkins, and jonathan has promised to show you every inch of this small town.

"not fair!" he shouts back, now yards behind you after youve rudely shoved him to get ahead.

jonathan watches as you turn back and giggle even harder at the sight of him on the ground. your laugh carries down to him and the sunlight illuminates your face. your smile is infectious and despite the mud now underneath his fingernails because of you, jonathan cant help but smile back at you.

you run through some dandelions and send them cascading around you as you continue to run up the grassy field, and as the soft dandelion seeds swirl around you, jonathan cant seem to catch his breath.

your hair is in pigtails and when you turn back to jonathan again to laugh at him once more, the sunlight catches your eyes and he decides that there isnt a color descriptive enough to capture their beauty.

"i won!" you dance at the top of the hill, having won the race by a mile, and stick your tongue out at jonathan. "you suck, bee."

jonathan rests his head in grass and admires you. youre glowing, your hair dances with you, and he doesnt think hes ever seen this side of you in the few months hes known you.

here, all alone together, far from the bullies at school and the yelling in your houses, the two of you can just be kids.

youre beautiful. theres a warmth to you that jonathan cant describe.

hes twelve years old, and he understands now why his parents drive each other crazy.

here you are, smiling at jonathan as if hes the best thing in the entire world, offering him your hand to help him up from the grass. your fingers are soft and slowly starting to become familiar to him, and jonathan finds himself shaking at your touch.

"hey, you okay?" you notice his sudden shift in mood.

its slight, all jonathan had done was shuffle his feet a bit away from you, and yet you had noticed. he doesnt think he will ever get used to you knowing him so well, in such a short time span, and when he tries to tell you that its nothing, the words die in his throat when he looks at you.

theres a stray dandelion in one of your pigtails.

it rests gently against your cheek, you havent noticed it yet, and jonathan slowly reaches out to pluck it out of your hair. his fingers shake and his hands feel clammy and he wonders how theres so many songs written about this scary feeling.

"here," he offers the dandelion to you. its all he knows how to do. its all he can give you.

blushing, you accept the flower and hold it delicately in your hand. "thanks, bee."

"anytime, bug."

its the smile that you offer him, shy and sweet yet reserved and vulnerable, that makes him realize that his crush on you is more than just a crush.

jonathan byers is twelve years old when he discovers love for the first time in a grassy field filled with dandelions and laughter from his childhood.

[alanjeffbrainrot]

Bending the Rules pt. 1

CW: Student/Teacher AU, eventual smut, minors dni

A/N: idk why im obsessed with this concept. It’s also a soulmate AU cause I’m a slut for alanjeff true mate shit. Enjoy 😌

Word Count: 4.5K

Find it on AO3 ~~~~~~~~~~~~ To read pt. 2

My masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alan takes a different path earlier in life and ends up becoming a college professor. Jeff walks into the first day of class and sits at the very edge of the room, away from all the other students. Alan notices him on day one and doesn’t understand why he’s so intrigued by this new student.

A few days into class Babe (also a prof at the university, he started 4 years after Alan and they became fast friends. Lots of students think they’re dating because of how close they are) pulls him aside to mention that “Jeff, the kid in your Tuesday/Thursday class ? That’s the kid we’ve all been talking about, he’s going places”.

Confused, Alan casts a glance over at Babe murmuring that he wouldn’t be convinced until Jeff says something. Literally anything.

“Oh, that’s just how he is, don’t worry too much about it.” Babe shrugs it off but something about the boys nature still bothered Alan. Why was he so quiet, he thought to himself, and what will it take to get him to talk to me.

Why this mattered so much to Alan he wasn’t sure, but he vowed to keep an eye on the omega and see if he could get him to crack one day.

As the class continues Alan discovers that the Babe’s comments rang true. Jeff was truly remarkable. Just after midterms Alan calls Jeff to his desk, asking him to wait to speak with him.

“You’re the best student I’ve had Jeff and I just happen to be losing my TA after this semester, graduation and all” Alan chuckles. “Would you consider taking the position ?”

Jeff looks conflicted and quietly says he’ll think about it (the most he has said to Alan this whole semester, making Alan’s alpha puff up its chest). Alan nods and says he’ll check in again in a few days before waving Jeff off, wishing him a good day.

A week goes by, still no answer from Jeff and Alan is stressed. He feels like he’s going crazy, anytime he sees Jeff on campus he has to keep himself from bombarding the boy. Maybe he just doesn’t want to do it ? Alan thinks to himself. He’s about to start his senior year, lots of students turn down TA positions.

Babe, who’s usually next to Alan when they run across the little omega, is beginning to notice his strange reactions. Alan stands straighter and can barely keep his eyes focused in front of him, always glancing over to watch Jeff walk by them. The worst part being Alan’s pheromones, subtly being pushed out a tad stronger when the shorter is nearby, a fact that probably hasn’t even registered with Alan yet. Babe doesn’t say anything, just observing his friend become smitten like he never has before.

To Alan’s surprise, however, the next class Jeff is in he walks up to Alan and quietly mutters “I’ll do it”.

“Oh ! Oh my god, okay, yeah. Awesome” Alan stutters. God, why am I acting like a flustered school boy. Realizing Jeff is still staring at him, Alan shakes himself out of his thoughts. “I’ll email you the requirements and the application. You’ll send a copy to me and to student services. If you need any help just let me know !”

Jeff just nods before walking out of the classroom, leaving Alan a confused and flustered mess. And that’s the moment his alpha decides to complicate the situation. (For years Alan had kept that part of himself under lock and key, getting very good at not listening to his instincts.) Mine his alpha growled as if trying to break out of a cage, that omega is mine.

Alan is appalled at his own thoughts, vowing to keep himself together and not cross any lines. He wouldn’t even be interested Alan reasons with himself, it’ll be fine.

What Alan doesn’t know, is Jeff is having the same battle with himself. He had never touched the alpha (he had gotten very good at never touching anyone at this point) but just before beginning Alan’s class he had grabbed his brother, Charlie, by the wrist. And, unfortunately, it triggered a vision. One in which a tall, sophisticated, older alpha just happened to be hanging off of Jeff’s arm. It was a small point, insignificant in the grand scheme of the vision which was centered around Charlie, but it had shaken Jeff to the core. Who was this alpha and why on earth would Jeff let him touch him ??

When Jeff walked into class the first day he had kept his head down, a habit to ensure nobody spoke to him before or after classes. But when he finally popped his head up and looked at the professor at the beginning of class he had to keep himself from sprinting out of the classroom.

There, in front of him, was the alpha from his vision. No way, Jeff had thought, there’s absolutely no way. That vision had to be incorrect, a fluke.

The day Alan asked him to TA, jeff panicked, leaving campus and driving straight to speak with Charlie. When he gets in front of his brother he realizes he has no clue how to breach this topic.

“You remember that vision I had just before the semester ?” He starts with. When Charlie nods he takes a deep breath and continues, “I didn’t tell you everything….. the vision was about you” Jeff emphasizes, “but…. Next to me……. Was this alpha, someone I hadn’t met before.”

“Oh ?” Charlie said surprised, eyes going wide, “Why didn’t you tell me before ? What’s the problem ? Probably someone we’ll meet in the future.”

“Well….” Jeff trails off, not sure which topic he should begin with, “in the vision I was letting this alpha hug me ? Kind of, he was holding my arm like he was hugging a pole. But I didn’t seem bothered by it”

Jeff is interrupted by Charlie squealing, “YOU GET A BOYFRIEND IN THE FUTURE OH MY GOD !”

“Charlie !” Jeff huffs, hitting his brother on the shoulder to get him to quiet down. “You know my visions aren’t always absolute. And I really think this one can’t be true. There’s no way !”

“What, you don’t think an alpha will want you ? Come on jeff, you’re a catch.”

Jeff glares at Charlie but he just smiles back, sincere as ever. “It’s not that, jackass. It happens that I met the alpha when the semester began. But….”

“But” Charlie drags out, “what, is he an asshole or something ?”

“No ! No, hes… he’s the nicest person I’ve ever met. Gentle and so smart” jeff abruptly shuts his mouth. What am I saying he thinks to himself shaking his head before looking up at Charlie, who’s wearing a shit eating grin.

“You LIKE HIM” he teases, “so again I ask, what’s the problem ?”

“Umm…” Jeff looks down, not wanting to see Charlie’s face when he admits this. “He’s my professor” he whispers.

“Oh, okay that really could be a problem” Charlie says, tone nothing but understanding. “But you graduate next year right ? Just avoid him until then and let fate decide once you’re not a student anymore.”

“Well, he kind of asked me to be his TA next year. And I feel like I have to do it. I could learn a lot from him and it would look really good on my resume. Ive seen the places his past TA’s have gotten hired. This could give me a huge advantage getting into a garage Charlie.” Jeff looks up at his brother who seems to weighing what he has just told him.

After a few hours of discussion jeff came to the decision that he would accept the position and just keep his distance as much as he could. I Can do this he thought to himself, I just have to keep my guard up until I graduate.

Jeff didn’t understand why his omega, on the other hand, was resisting this wholeheartedly. Begging him to get as close to the alpha as he could. He’ll be ours soon enough his omega taunts him, just you wait.

Much to his omegas (and Alan’s) annoyance, Jeff goes back to ignoring the alpha. He keeps his head down, scurrying in and out of class without sparing a single glance at Alan. Even during class when Alan would look over, Jeff would avoid his gaze and only look back up when Alan had directed his attention elsewhere. Alan was losing his mind.

Two weeks before the semester ended, Alan was sitting at his desk, neck deep in grading assignments. Babe walks through the door, nose wrinkling at the heavy pheromones in the room. “God lung, what’s got you so stressed.”

Alan glares at Babe, laying his own down and leaning back in his chair. “Unlike some people, I have papers to grade. And more coming soon for finals. So, do you need something or can I get back to work ?”

“Not my fault you don’t teach a practical course” babe shrugs, walking further into the room and leaning on a desk in the front row.

“Someone has to teach the textbooks” Alan sighs. It’s always around this time he wishes he had Babe’s job, teaching practical, hands on classes in the on-campus garage. “Seriously though, did you need something ?”

“Yes, actually. I heard about your TA for next year.”

Alan furrows his brow, “Jeff ? Why, you were right. The kid’s going places.”

Babe nods, crossing his arms and leveling his gaze with Alan. “That’s true but… are you sure you know what you’re doing ?”

Babe’s delicate tone leaves Alan even more confused. “What do you mean? I’ve had TA’s for years and I think he would be great. A little quiet but that’s not a problem.”

Sighing, Babe looks down. “Lung, i'm going to be honest with you. Do you have any idea how you act around him ? You get nervous, you stare at him. God, I’m the only one that would notice but you push your pheromones out !”

“I don’t-“ Alan trails off, not sure how to defend himself.

“Look, it was fun to watch you get all flustered around him. If the circumstances were different I would absolutely be pushing you to ask him out. But… he’s your student, you know ? You just need to be careful.” Babe finishes, glancing back up at Alan to gauge his reaction.

Alan, though embarrassed for being called out, begins nodding. “No, no you’re absolutely right. I’ll keep myself in check, Babe, you don’t have to worry. Besides, Jeff has gone back to ignoring me so I don’t think there will be much of an issue.”

Babe nods, giving Alan an encouraging smile. “Good luck with the grading, lung. Let me know if you need anything.” Babe says before turning and walking out of the room. Leaving Alan to contemplate what he has gotten himself into.

The semester ends with no incident, both Alan and Jeff trying to keep their distance but neither handling it very well. Jeff spends more time with Charlie, desperately trying to push down his feelings despite a lingering feeling of sadness. Alan, on the other hand, is just frustrated.

He spent the last two weeks in an annoyed huff, everything seemingly setting him off. He tried his best, he really did, but each time he has to watch the omega hurry out of the classroom a piece of him is screaming to follow. To not let him go.

The second day of the summer vacation (neither Babe or Alan teach summer classes) Babe let’s himself into Alan’s house and immediately is smacked with rut pheromones.

“Shit” Babe curses, covering his mouth and nose with his hand. “Lung !” He shouts into the house, “Do you need anything ? I can drop it outside !”

A pained groan is heard from the other side of the house before Alan drags himself into view. He’s flushed, sweaty, and looks absolutely worse for wear.

“You look like death Lung” Babe says, scanning the alpha in front of him.

“I feel like it” Alan says from the top of the stairs, scrubbing his hand down his face and sighing. “I don’t know why it’s hitting me so hard. It hasn’t been this bad since I presented.”

Alan gets himself together enough to relay a list of supplies he needed. Babe leaves quickly after getting the list, Alan’s heavy pheromones giving him a headache.

Alan makes his way back to his bedroom, peeling his sweaty t-shirt off before throwing himself on his bed. He’s overheating, fire-like arousal licking through his veins. He kicks his pants and underwear off, hand snaking down and grasping his cock.

“Fuck” Alan breaths out. He begins stroking himself, bringing his hand up to gather the precum leaking out of the tip to make the glide easier. He squeezes his eyes shut just trying to focus on the pleasure, bringing his other hand down to squeeze at the rapidly forming knot at the base of his cock.

As he gets closer to his release, his mind starts providing images of a faceless omega propped on his lap, back facing him as he bounced up and down on Alan’s cock. Alan groans at the image and speeds his hand up. “Just like that baby” he mutters, everything in him wishing the image was real.

The omega in his mind leans back, turning his head towards Alan and suddenly he realizes the image is of Jeff. A sob is forced out of Alan as he cums suddenly, Jeff’s name on his lips. He strokes himself through his orgasm, slowly coming back down to earth. When he realizes what he just did he groans, rolling over and shoving his face into his pillows, embarrassed enough to ignore the sticky release still on his stomach that’s now going to be on the sheets below him.

God Alan, he thinks to himself, what the fuck am I going to do.

Unbeknownst to the alpha, across town a very similar situation is occurring in Jeff’s apartment. He had called Charlie, panicked because his heat hit him early. For most people that wouldn’t be too strange, maybe a change in cycle, but Jeff had just gone through heat a month before.

When charlie got to the apartment to drop things off (Jeff had a tendency to not plan for heats and would surely starve himself to death if charlie didn’t deliver a bag of water and snacks each day) Jeff was curled up in bed. Crying.

“Woah, Jeff, are you okay?” Charlie said delicately, trying not to spook the omega.

“Hurts” Jeff wails out, clearly lost in his omega headspace, “need alpha.”

Charlie freezes. It doesn’t matter how many heats Jeff had gone through, he had never let himself slip fully into his omega headspace and he certainly has never asked for an alpha.

“Alpha ? Who’s…” charlie trails off, not expecting to get an answer from the clearly distressed omega (and if he’s being honest, unsure if he truly wants to know).

He waits a few moments before Jeff finally looks at him, eyes red with tears streaming down his face. “Alan” he sniffles, “please. I need alpha.”

Charlie just looks at him confused, not remembering anyone in their lives named Alan. But then it hits him. He had been helping Jeff with the TA application and had noticed the alphas name, Alan, printed at the bottom. Alan, the same alpha who was in Jeff’s vision from months ago.

“Fuck” Charlie cursed after putting the pieces together. “Jeff, bud I need you to listen to me” Charlie says, trying to figure out the most delicate way to put this. “Alan… can’t be here with you.”

This just distressed the omega more, a new round of tears begin falling as Jeff’s scent sours even more. The small omega buries himself further into his nest as sobs racked his body. Charlie sighs, knowing there’s nothing he can do to ease his brothers mind. He decides to leave the room and camp out in the living room. He doesn’t usually stay but Charlie doesn’t have the heart to leave him so distraught.

Jeff’s heat breaks 5 days later, substantially longer than any heat he's ever had. When he finally drags himself out of his bedroom he curls up on the couch next to Charlie. His eyes are still red, occasional tears escaping and dripping down his face. Charlie is worried to say this least.

“You okay?” He finally asks. Jeff refuses to look at him, just curling further in on himself while sniffling.

After a minute a quiet “no” is heard from Jeff, voice scratchy. A second passes before another round of sobs wracks Jeff’s body, “I don’t know what’s happening to me Charlie.”

Charlie hums, reaching a hand out to card his fingers through Jeff’s hair. The omega presses into the hand, desperate for any type of comfort he could get in the moment. “Let yourself cry, I’ll be here as long as you need.”

And Jeff does just that. He moves slightly to lay his head in his brother's lap and cries. “Why do I miss him” he manages to get out, “it feels wrong not having him around.”

“Alan?” Charlie asks, already knowing the answer. Jeff just nods, flipping over so he can bury his face in Charlie’s stomach. Charlie chooses not to press the topic and just comforts the small and broken omega in his lap.

The next day Jeff runs Charlie out of his apartment, wanting to be alone. The only reason Charlie agrees is an agreement that jeff would call that night to check in. Jeff curls up in bed as soon as Charlie leaves, his heart aching.

He would never admit this to Charlie but part of the reason his heat took so long to break this time was because he refused to do anything, touching himself feeling wrong even in the worst of it. He craved Alan in a way he had never experienced with anyone before, his omega set on the idea that either the alpha would be touching him or no one at all.

“God” he groans, rubbing his eyes, “next year is going to be rough.”

And rough it was. Up until the first day of class, Alan and Jeff had been communicating through email, both men managing to make up excuses to avoid seeing the other in person (and neither feeling strong enough to control themselves if they were to meet up alone).

Alan was nervously pacing in this classroom, chewing on his thumb and just trying to calm his nerves when Babe walks in. “Woah, lung calm down. Everything’s gonna be fine” he says, grabbing Alan by the shoulders and guiding him to his desk chair. Once the older man and sat down babe walks around the seat to perch himself on a desk in the front row.

Alan looks up at his best friend, contemplating how to explain the complicated flurry of anxiety and excitement he was feeling. “This is either going to go really well or really bad, babe.” He lands on, sighing and leaning back in his chair.

“Well, just don’t do anything stupid and it shouldn’t be an issue” babe shrugs, crossing his arms.

Alan glares at him, “I’m not going to-“

Alan is cutoff by the door opening, the small omega walking in with his head down. Alan’s breath hitches, okay, he thinks, this is it. When jeff finally looks up he looks straight at Alan, their eyes locking as causing jeff to freeze.

Babe, immediately noticing the fact that neither man was moving to speak, looked over at jeff, “how was your summer?”

Not realizing there was another person in the room, jeff jumps and whips his head around to babe, “oh umm, good. I guess.” he stammers out, glancing between both men in front of him.

Babe hums out a “good” before fixing Alan with a very pointed gaze, “alright lung. I’m going to head to the garage. Have a good first day”

Alan nods, eyes shifting to babe long enough to wish him the same before they settle back on Jeff. Babe rolls his eyes before making his way out of the classroom, already knowing damn well that Alan’s promise to not do anything stupid would really only last so long.

The click of the door closing behind babe seemed to shake Alan out of his trance, smiling at the omega. He quickly explains to Jeff what his day to day tasks would be before they both start working in silence, neither totally sure how to speak with the other.

They carry on like that for the first two months of the semester, dancing around each other and spending no more time than necessary together. Alan gets jeff to talk a little bit, learning about his brother Charlie and Jeff’s goals after graduation, but it never goes further than surface level. Both men feel a pull towards each other, their bodies and minds seemingly linked in a way neither fully understood.

When midterms hit they began working late, trying to get grading done and working on solidifying the curriculum for the last half of the semester. It was a random Tuesday when things changed. They were working late, clock showing 9pm with both men sitting across from each other in the classroom.

Alan groans, head hitting the desk as he closes his eyes, “why did I become a professor” he mutters.

“Because you’re good at at” jeff responds, shrugging. Alan’s head whips up, staring at jeff who is pointedly keeping his eyes on the work in front of him.

“Thank you” Alan breathes out, noticing a small smile forming on the youngers lips. Clearing his throat, Alan stands, “I’m going to go fill my water bottle. Do you need anything?”

“I’m okay” jeff says, looking up to smile at the man standing above him. Alan smiles back before leaning down and kissing the boy before turning and beginning to walk towards the door. It takes a moment for his exhausted mind to catch up to want he just did, freezing and turning back around immediately.

Jeff is staring at him with wide eyes, neither man totally sure what just happened. “Oh my god, Jeff, I’m so sorry” Alan starts stammering out, “I don’t know why I just did that. I’m so sorry.”

Alan’s brain is going a mile a minute, desperately trying to work out what the fuck just happened and why he did that. It was as if it was a habit, something easy that they just did despite decidedly being something they did not do. Jeff just continues looking at him, making no indication towards how he felt about the action.

“Jeff, please say something, I am so sorry.” As Alan continues stuttering out apologies Jeff stands, immediately shutting the man up. He walks forward, the alpha half expecting Jeff to smack him, which would be justified he thinks to himself.

Jeff stops right in front of Alan, looking up and examining his face. “Kiss me again” he says quietly.

“W-what?” Alan asks, eyes going wide.

“Kiss me again.” Jeff says with more finality behind it.

Alan is a strong man, he expected to be able to keep himself in check. But when an omega, no not just any omega, Jeff, his omega, is asking him for a kiss, who is he to say no ? Alan surges forward, capturing Jeff’s lips in a heated kiss and pulling him in by the waist.

At this point both men are giving into their instincts, neither Alan’s alpha or Jeff’s omega could stand being apart anymore. They stumble backwards towards Alan’s desk, the older man’s hands moving down to under Jeff’s ass and lifting him up and perching him on the edge of the desk.

Jeff spreads his legs, alan immediately taking the invitation and stepping between them to get closer. He pulls back for a moment and rests his forehead against Jeff’s, both men breathing heavily. Alan’s hands come up to rest on Jeff’s hips, rubbing small circles into the soft skin just under his shirt.

“Are you sure” he whispers, finally pulling back to look into Jeff’s eyes.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything” Jeff says sincerely, “please.” Just to make his point, Jeff wraps his legs around Alan’s waist and pulls him closer. The alpha moans with their groins make contact, the little bit of friction sending sparks up his spine. “I need you Alan, I don’t understand it but I need you in a way I’ve never needed anyone else.”

Alan leans down again and pecks Jeff’s lips before moving to mouth at the boys scent gland. “This can’t just be a one time thing” Alan says, still buried in the omegas neck, “god, I’ve never felt this way and if we’re going to do this I need you to promise me that.”

Jeff’s nods, hands flying up to grip Alan’s hair and leaning his head to the side giving him more access to his neck. “I promise” he whines out, “we can talk about it tomorrow but right now” Jeff trails off, pulling harder on the alphas hair, “right now I need you.” he finishes.

Alan groans, sucking harder at Jeff’s neck once he says that. His hands trail further up the omegas body, slowly lifting the shirt up before brushing his thumbs across Jeff’s nipples, drawing a shaky moan out of the boy underneath him.

Alan moves his mouth back up, kissing Jeff passionately as he continues toying with the boys chest. All is fine until they hear the door open, Alan jumps back, whipping around to see Babe standing in the doorway. His eyes are wide, never expecting to walk into a scene like this.

“What the fuck lung” babe sighs, not mad but definitely annoyed, “I told you not to do anything stupid.”

Jeff, face bright red and eyes cast towards the floor, slides himself off the desk. “It’s not his fault” Jeff mutters quietly.

Both men turn to look at the small omega, standing in front of the desk and wringing his hands together.

“I don’t care what y’all do, don’t worry about it, but you can’t do it here. Jesus Christ lung” babe says turning back to his best friend, “what if it was anyone else that walked in.”

Alan nods but says nothing, mind reeling with what just happened. Babe sighs, looking between the two men in front of him. “I came to tell you I was heading home lung. Whatever you choose to do is up to the both of you but…�� babe pauses, concern clear in his voice, “just be careful” he lands on finally. Babe turns and leaves the classroom, leaving Alan and Jeff in an uncomfortable silence.

Alan turns to look at Jeff, unsure how to proceed in such a situation. Jeff meets his eyes, a look of determination behind them before he walks back up to Alan and leans up to give him a quick kiss. “Let’s go to your place, lung.”

Alan’s breath hitches, nodding quickly before gathering his things, holding the door open for Jeff. The small omega chuckles at the alphas eagerness before they make their way to the parking lot, both men excited and nervous for the promise of what was to come.

[hotluncheddie]

mmmphhh just…

steve using eddie’s body as a stress ball. when the two are lounging around the house, steve usually has at least one hand pawing at eddie’s tummy, thighs, chest, you name it. he likes to jiggle the new layer of fat and sink his fingers in, it just feels so nice to be close to eddie and feel just how cared for his boyfriend is. it’s not sexual (even though it definitely ends that way sometimes) so sometimes the two forgetting just how intimate the act is. steve constantly has to stop himself from reaching under eddie’s arms and squeezing eddie’s perky tits whenever the grocery store is stressful or grabbing a handful of eddie’s ass (usually dangerously close to his taint) when he feels drowsy towards the end of the annual educator celebration (steve works at a school in my brain).

one day, it’s particularly bad at work. the kids mouthed off, the other staff forgot to mention an important (and long) afterschool training, and he left his lunch on the counter. by the time steve gets home, he just wants to relax in his bed with eddie and make out before going to bed at 8:30. when he turns the lock on their house, eddie rushes to greet him (not unusual), and before even taking off his coat steve gets a huge handful of eddie’s ass and starts kissing his neck between complaining about his day. he knows something is wrong when eddie pushes him off quickly, and that’s when he notices that joyce and hopper are seated at their coffee table with cups of tea, staring at the two men.

shit. steve had totally forgotten that eddie had invited them over to talk about the kitchen remodel. both couples are furiously red and hopper coughs before greeting steve (who might just sink into the floor), but after steve takes off his shoes and grabs a cup of tea (furiously texting eddie from the kitchen while he does so), the conversation continues mostly normally with just a hint of awkwardness.

the older two finally leave after a painstaking conversation about different oven models, and as soon as the door swings shut, steve has eddie pinned to the wall. he bites eddie’s soft jawline and growls his frustration, while eddie guides his hands to pull down his boxers. when it’s discovered that eddie was secretly plugged and ready the whole time joyce and hopper were there, ready for steve’s inevitable grabbiness, eddie spends the evening getting folded in half, fat jiggling and rippling as steve fucks him so hard he forgets his name.

SHORT BECAUSE I HAVE A COMMITMENT BUT UGHHH -🦂

🦂 !!!!! U ARE SEND ME THIS AND CALL IT SHORT?? NAY!! ITS WONDERFUL AND SO SO JUICY!!!

its all sooooo cute though. eddie steve’s lovely chubby stress ball

steve coming home like: :( tits pls? 👉👈

and eddie says: of course! a belly too for u my love

steve: :)

*the ending with the plug 👹😈🥴 so gooooooood but i went a little soft with them hehe hope u like…

but they are just such a cute like touchy couple and it’s all so mindless at this point but they just always want to be touching eachother in some way if they can.

it being a stress reduction this for steve tho, there’s something so cute about that, so lovely and innocent. like eddie is really steve’s biggest comfort and support. just there as his safe space and his person, to notice how he feels and draw it out of him and let him seek comfort. until he doesn’t have to draw it out at all, steve’s just comfortably enough to let it out, ask for what he needs and take it, because eddie has made it clear that it’s okay.

like maybe steve sometimes has to kinda drop into sub space but it’s not always in a sexual way. it’s just the need to intimacy and care and turning his brain off for a while when he needs it and feels safe. so like after that really long week steve was dying to get home to eddie, to his safe space, and could feel that he needed to drop, needed that extra. so hopper and joyce being there kinda sends him spiralling, he forgot and he’s off kilter and it’s hard to get through the conversation. eddie really taking over and helping to organise - not really making decisions but mapping it out so they could talk again when steve was more there. they leave after about an hour, understanding steve is tired, caring and telling him that he should rest. not annoyed but a little part of steve wonders if they are, if they were offended seeing him squeeze eddie like he did then barely able to follow the conversation. but he also knows he needs it, and he was on his best behaviour the rest of the time they were there, only daring to hold eddie’s hand for a stretch.

and then eddie’s coming back from waving them away, hands on steve’s shoulders in the kitchen, manouvering steve back to how he was when he first came in. hands back on eddie’s ass, face back in his neck. prompting steve to take what he needs, to settle finally. whispering in his ear about how good it feels to be in his arms, how he missed him today, how he’s so good and they’ll sort the remodelling and itll be so lovely, ‘but let’s not think about that tonight hm? let’s make you something to eat and get some sleep yeah?’ and steve is so do relieved, he melts into eddie. reassured and able to finally let go.

and that leaves them on the couch, steve’s head on eddie’s thigh, curled up under a blanket, feeling eddie’s soft pyjama pants against his cheek. face tucked up agains eddie’s belly, mouthing at it or rubbing his forehead against it. eddie had tucked his t-shirt up for him so steve could get lost in the skin on skin, feeling how warm eddie’s is, loving how his belly sits in his lap and steve can sink so far into it he can’t breathe, if he wanted. he leaves absent kisses every so often, breathing deep and listening to the sound of eddie finishing his third helping of dinner. sinking further into the comfort and warmth, mind foggy and syrupy and just repeating to himself that he’s eddie’s and he’s safe and he’s a good boy.

eddie’s running his fingers absently through steve’s hair, engrossed in the movie he put on. steve grunts and rolls up to go to the bathroom, keeping the blanket tucked around himself so it’s less painful to be away from eddie. he heads back but stops at the kitchen to get water. he gets eddie the cookies joyce brought over with her, knowing eddie likes something sweet in the evening. steve hands the cookies over feeling a little shy, but eddie smiles at him; ‘sweet boy, thank you baby.’ and steve tingles all over at the praise, eyes going glassy and he tucks himself up even closer into eddie, sleepy and happy and so so in love.

[reveseke]

JS!Reader headcanons; gear, powers, relationships and so on.

Criminal minds × Spiderverse au; headcanons.

No warnings really. Noel mention, that's about it.

A/N: Okay okay okay okay okay, I wanted to put down some thoughts about my original spider! Reader au that started it all. Just basic power functions, about gear, and relationships/allies etc. I'm also refreshing my memory. There's a cat laying on me, help.

Disclaimer, I wasn't supposed to be writing this but I can't sleep either so ramblings of a sleep deprived kirje otus ✨ I plan on doing this same thing with the other variants of the spider! Reader that's been discussed with anon on my blog such as the variants of black widow base spider! reader.

How do I tag this ???

So original spider!/ JS! Reader, he was a self indulgence on my part in a way; there's background & some personality to him already, the arcade & dog mentioned in the oneshots & headcanons, masc & using he/him.

No description of looks has been set though and never will be.

- based on jumping spiders, bc love love love love love them so much, so let's call him JS! Reader.

- OH, brief context on power origin; so JS!R got bumped and kidnapped, his genes and DNA have been mutated with that of a specially DNA modified jumping spider gene.

- JS!R is specifically based on more scifi-style setting, where he doesn't get all the abilities in one big scene. And he's not a science need, but a general engineering nerd so he builds his own stuff or buys and modifies.

- grappling hooks to help him get from building to building because he doesn't produce silk before like few months later bc i said so. (It's actually based on the body's recovery and adjusting time ++ general discovery of how to use abilities and so on that is not an instantaneous process.)

- sensory information receiving probably would be the first thing JS!R discovers first, I mean, he gets more sensory input from the outside world; becomes more sensitive to touch specifically and visual stimuli.

- also I think the Visual stimuli side also activates his spider sense so much easier than anything else. Faux danger in a way, the subconscious feeling of dread (or pressure?) when you feel someone watching you when you become aware that someone is watching you. That happens in your subconscious.

^ working on that upper one also I think since JS!R would be Hotch's son, he would be probably so much more aware of things around him due to the time he spent in the witness protection with Jack & his mum, Hayley. (The whole George Foyet thing happened before JS!R got his powers soo) The last moments where the kids were in danger would have made his senses probably more keen in cases where he's being watched. Even the same with false alarms (your subconscious mistakes something and thinks it's a danger and puts you into the sense that you're in danger; false fight or flight mode etc etc.).

- then there would be the jumpiness due to the sensory input he's going through, afterwards he'd probably get to see the fact that he can now jump more length and higher than normally/before (bc JS!R is a highschooler, that's what he's been written to be. And gym/P.E in school.)

- JS!R will get the web/silk production little by little specifically three weeks after it would start in some thin and uncooperative strands that he can't do much about or work with. (He's just kinda sticky fingered at first, because while yes he does have the gland that produces the silk on his wrist it's at the very near of his inner palm.)

^ physically his hands and wrists will be sore when it develops over several months and kinda ""grows into its place"".

- I see a lot in the canon of spiderverse that the characters struggle with letting the grip go, but in JS!R case it's all about the small hairs growing into their place and being unreliable. Also sweat makes them more unreliable because it makes them slick and less likely to stick to any surfaces.

- I think he accidentally discovered the super strength and properly his spider senses. Reflexes would be discovered in school most likely (again Gym/P.E) or something. Uuuuhhhhhhhh yehs.

about his gear !!

- I already mentioned that JS!R makes most of his gear himself.

^ uses something similar to grappling hooks as a substitute to combat the lack of silk/webbing at first.

- he has a really simplistic ""uniform"" = a nice jacket with a hood/hoodie with hood up (plus points it has a nice arcade style design on it!!) & a bandanna on his face of something similar to that to hide his face. Probably some type of eyewear, like goggles to combat winds. Also protective gear; knee & elbow skating pads.

- that doesn't really change much over the course of the whole thing. I think there's a headcanon or a mention of a gasmask on the place of the bandanna in my older work though but I'm not completely sure. (That would probably be seen as an update though ... Like I don't mean the full face helmet-like gasmasks but respirators masks !!)

Allies and relationships !! ++ some media visibility.

- so I already have made a small headcanon/one shot ���I think— about Hotch finding JS!reader coming in through the window after patrolling like months after the initial incident.

- uhh... Also it's been at some point headcanoned/put to be that Hotch & JS!R do some work together when it comes to cases & other things. (Of course due to regulations it's just here and there, Hitch tells JS!R more about his work and so on because R made a deal with him. Iirc .. nvm if it wasn't like that bc now that's headcanoned!). Albeit, it's later on that Hotch introduces JS!R to his team (mentioned in that one derek-centered blurb) at a point that's not been written about yet lol.

- also the Hotchners do have a dog in this au bc i said so, his name is Tossu now.

- (Media visibility mention) so, Hotch knows his son is the vigilante that folks call a spiderman.. or Jumpy for that matter with how the clips he's shown in have him either jumping or being jumpy (scared and so on, jumping out of fear etc).

- He has a friend and & an ally who was also one of the kids that was taken/kidnapped and used for unethical experiments; Noel (she/they nonbinary character) who is also a more or less designed to be an oracle-like character.

^ expanding on that; He & Noel have a very casual friendship going on where JS!R is shown to be concerned by how little self preservation skill Noel has (I think I have a blurb up about that??). Also it's shown that the two do work together from time to time at least while being both vigilantes. Noel is portreyed as a bit greedy and interested in thrill seeking, but is also very determined and focused when they want to be.

Also I have yet to write anything regarding Noel's powers. But she essentially works something similar like an oracle does. That was always set in stone for that guy.

- Hotch knows about Noel but not in detail, I mean he did see her sitting around the side of JS!R bed at the hospital waiting for him to wake up when lore was introduced about him & Noel was initially introduced.

- there's been like four other characters designed to be JS!R ally's but y'know ... Idk when and/or if I'll be making things about that lol.

- also enemies, there's a WIP oneshot that mentioned a weapons dealer who is linked to the "how's it hanging there?" oneshot & the whole kidnapping of JS!R and the other kids.

[marshmallowprotection]

Listen I know it’s March but I just thought of giving Ray Christmas presents for the first time and I’m sobbing

God. See, by the time we meet Unknown in the Christmas DLC, he is of the belief that Christmas is a lie... and in many ways, yeah, that's a very easy perspective to deal with. You see kids in poverty struggle to receive a single gift and kids who are more fortunate get anything in the world. It's by luck, by chance, a flip of a coin when it comes to the luck a child has in life in that regard.

Saeran and Saeyoung Choi were born in a situation where Christmas wasn't a happy thing for either of them. Unknown recounts how he's angry at the grown-ups who lie about Santa, and how angry he is to see Santa give gifts to "good kids" and he was never "good enough" to receive a single gift. Like, we understand why Saeran didn't get a single thing unless Saeyoung fought to get him something before he went into the agency, but it doesn't chance the grief Saeran feels in his heart about Christmas.

Christmas can be... a very hard time for many people. It's a season of good will and cheerfulness, but consumerism, capitalism, and every inch of goodwill gets sapped out in the modern day, unfortunately. It isn't fun for many little kids. I understand Unknown's pain, I know it all too well, but I imagine... it's different for Ray. Well, because, Ray is the boy who doesn't stop dreaming.

He can't stop believing in fairytales and happily ever after. I can see him trying his best to keep believing in Christmas, in Santa, and in the stories he heard... even if he finds himself with nothing under a tree or in a stocking.

That's the painful thing about him. He keeps believing even if it hurts.

After all, that's something that is told to us by Suit Saeran countless times. Ray doesn't stop trying to see the best in things even if it hurts him, even if he's confused, and even if he doesn't know what to believe anymore, he keeps believing that someday everything will be okay. Of course, when it's mentioned to us, his core belief is that someday he might be able to live with V and Saeyoung again.

 I don't think its wrong to carry on his wish to more wishful thinking.

If you happen to be in Mint Eye around Christmas, I imagine he would try to pull out the stops to make it wonderful for you. He isn't the kind of person who would want to make it about himself, but you're not going to let him not experience the wonder he's trying to give you. You see it, don't you? You see that painful look on his face every time he smiles and you know no matter how much he tries to put on a show for you, he wishes that he could experience this kind of wonder. 

He would try to make you all kinds of gifts to fill up a tree in your room of all places. But, I agree with you in saying that it would be amazing to help him experience the Christmas magic he wants to experience.

The best thing you could do would be to hide a handmade present underneath the tree he brought into your room. I can see him being excited by watching you open things he's made for you all morning, but when you get to the bottom of the pile, and you discover something with his name on it, you smile at him, and he's touched. 

I don't think you could get away with telling him it was from Santa, but I do think you could tell him that you wanted to get him something because it's the spirit of the season. Giving is the core value, and you want him to understand that the world may be a difficult place, but he's a part of it and that means he deserves to receive something just like everyone else. 

He'll cry.

And you'll hold him.

But, it will be okay.

[eusuntgratie]

Director's cut for love your cares away 🥹💚

I LOVE THIS FIC SO MUCH! okay okay okay

so this was not this first tknp i WROTE but it was the first i finished and published so it will always have a special place in my heart. this is one of those universes thats fun to play in so who knows i could always come back to it and add more.

love your cares away is a good one for directors commentary bc i do actually remember the inspo and why i wrote it.

i'd been DRAGGED (patiently awaiting my gold star) into tknp earlier that year by @eliooliver83 putting insanity-inducing gifsets on my dash until i finally caved and asked about them and she gave me a primer and a few fics to start with and well. what can i say. here we are.

i was driving and listening to why not me by the judds (incredible song forever fave) and the image of pat outside the bar just came to me with the idea that he and tk weren't in touch anymore but he was drunk enough to call him. terri is really at the heart of this fic and the idea that tk would be torn up he couldn't come get pat himself but would know that he could call him mama in the middle of the night and that she would go get pat because she loved him too was early early. just like terri cookin' for pat, making him stay in tk's room, and just generally taking care of him.

i have a fair amount of backstory for pat and his family in this one. pat's dad is a preacher who ultimately moves away in the aftermath of tk & pat being outed/discovered so that they can start fresh in a new church without the specter of a gay son shadowing his work. his parents expect aimee to go with them when they move, but she digs her heels in and stays. pat tries really really hard not to care how his parents treat him, but he's so angry that they largely abandon aimee for not going with them.

like any good southern mama, terri takes it upon herself to make sure that the patrick kids eat and are safe and okay. she does as much to help them as pat lets her.

you didnt ask but one of the reasons why not me was so fun to write is because its a similar universe - a small town southern au where the boys grew up together, but pat's family situation is so different in that fic that they end up in a totally different place. tk's family loves pat like he's their own in both universes, but in love your cares away, pat doesn't have that love from his own parents.

directors cut (but you can also ama about my wips, or just yell at me to write 😘)

[leclerced]

https://www.tumblr.com/enchantecafe/738701264923328512/ive-been-thinking-recently-probably-because-of

Omg this made me laugh sm. So im german and i just imagined bringing lando with me to my grandma and he’s thinking „ok german food wont be a problem, schnitzel is great and bratwurst is also easy, i eat that at home“. His reaction when he sees a fucking mettigel for the first time, pure horror (you should google it). I imagine pulling him into a bathroom bc its kale season and he needs to help me wash 40kg (88lbs) kale in the bathtub and sees all the insects coming out of it? And how 8 full Bathtubs shrink down to 3 big pots??? He‘d faint if he were to witness germans yell at each other over the correct name of a Berliner (its berliner). Poor boy would be so confused about why asparagus season is taken so seriously here 😭

And the worst part, im from Wolfsburg (the home city of Volkswagen) and he has to sit there and listen to why the VW Ketchup has a serial number like the car parts at the factory or how there was a „ketchup gate“.

🫀

link

okay sorry i didn’t answer this when u sent it but ugh. i love this sooo much it made me laugh sm. i kept rereading it all day and giggling. god i want to go to germany so bad.

lando would walk in and see the mettigel and immediately be like, “oh fuck i have to eat that?” he’d panic internally soo bad until she shows him the foods he will eat, ones she specifically asked to be made so he wouldn’t starve. i can so imagine his gfs brothers or like the kids of the family teasing him with weird foods, like when carlos tried getting him to eat sushi!! lando’s politely declining and trying not to gag at the sight.

the kale thing is so fucking funny. 88 lbs of kale??? 8 full tubs of kale??? what are u cookin ?? who eats that much kale??? this sounds like one of those math problems where someone buys 78 bottles of soda and you have to determine the final cost with tax.

all that kale and it all shrinks down to 3 big pots???? oh my fucking god thats insane!!!!!!!! lando would not be eating it after he sees all the bugs. he would never eat kale again because he knows bugs have been on it before. he gets served a sandwich with kale on it at a restaurant and can’t eat it because it has been touched by a bug.

i like asparagus when its grilled or sautéed but at thanksgiving this year my grandma made creamed asparagus with canned asparagus and it was genuinely the worst thing i have eaten in years but it was the only side and i felt bad about only eating ham and rolls. i could go on n on about that but i will not rn unless u all want to hear ab my holiday shenanigans but i assume yall prob don’t care to hear me complain ab the menu at family dinner.

its so so cool ur from where vw is from!! u could take him on a tour of the factory and stuff i think he’d like that a lot!! take him w the whole fam and everyone is telling him ab the lore

i’m from the town where dr pepper was invented humble brag!!! there is a museum in an old bottling factory and you can go and make your own soda its sooo cool. i haven’t been since i was a kid but i love it. there’s another museum there with this mammoth exhibit, i can’t remember if these are cast replicas or if they excavated some, but there’s a display in the museum and you get to walk on top of it on this glass floor and its absolutely incredible. look at this!!!! i used to sit and analyze these fossils for as long as i could. there’s also the mammoth monument you can visit where they discovered the mammoths!! you can read about it here if ur a nerd like me

[annamatix]

okay. so. the blonde identity. let’s talk about it.

(there no spoilers in this review btw)

TLDR; 3.5/5 stars, pretty disappointing, lots of failed character development and forced stereotypes

i have to admit, i went into this book with high expectations. like HIGH expectations. because c’mon, this is ally freaking carter. the woman has never written a book less than 3 stars in her life. but that’s exactly what this book was. like 3.5 stars. im sorry to say i was pretty disappointed.

i’ll spare you the sap-talk about how i discovered her middle school and became obsessed with her books and felt really touched when the TBI dedication page said For the GGs. I’m so proud of you because i am one of those gallagher girls! but. oh there are so many buts.

i feel like ally got so caught up in trying to make this book adult-y (since she’s only ever written YA and MG) that it kind of backfired on her. the first few chapters were great. the right dose of ally carter funny and cute. but after that it was a blur of inner-and-outer-dialogue that felt like balancing on this cliff of childish and adultish. the characters acted like kids sometimes and adults other times. like they couldn’t make up their mind.

speaking of childish, zoe (the fmc) reminded me of evangeline fox so much it was uncanny. and i don’t really mean that as a compliment. it was weird. ally usually writes like super badass fmcs, so i feel like when she tried writing a softie it came out all wrong.

also, can we talk about sawyer (the mmc)'s dad? like, are you serious? are you serious? he was the most un-ally-carter character in this entire book. being all like oh i loved your mother but i didn’t get to do anything properly so you should go get your happily ever after when you have the chance in front of you son and i think i visibly made a cringing face when i read it. i guess it’s fine, really, cause ally probably wanted to try out a new genre and i went in thinking it was her typical spy book but with an adult flare to it, so i was caught off guard.

regarding the romance itself: to me the relationship between zoe and sawyer in the middle to end-ish felt a lot like adam and juliette’s relationship in the shatter me series. huge promises and awkward and messy and wholly unbearable to deal with.

i cannot shake off the childish vibes i got from this book and its characters. like ally, i love you, but it was so-- like-- whiny. like she forced a lot of NA stereotypes and stuff into it.

don’t get me wrong though-- ally shines, like actually shines, in YA. after this i just don’t think NA is right for her (or maybe she just needs practice). nonetheless.

i LOVEDDDD the last line, though. “ ‘Long story short, I’m in an enemies-to-lovers situation.’ Alex took a deep breath. ‘And I think I’m gonna need your help.’ ” that was so good. and alex is the kind of sassy, uber-independent fmcs that ally is so used to writing so… here’s to hoping the sequel with her will be better.

[storiesofsvu]

it's thursday, lets round up law and order night

Just discovered I can select citytv toronto so I can watch this shit at 5pm. Fucking win. 

Okay, the way these eps are airing doesn’t make our hypothesis about the maddie case coming to canada to launch CO:TO make sense, we’ll see… 

Not shaw instantly knowing it’s a dating app 👀👀 

Jfc...word on my laptop doesnt want to open, im stuck doing this through safari, fuck i hate the way technology is changing... hoping it works later, i was planning on writing tonight. Ugh. 

Man, the way that receptionists/door staff is always all “hey! Excuse me! You can’t go back there” always makes me laugh, like, first off, how do the cops know where they’re going/that the person theyre looking for is actually back there?  

Why are there no lights on in this courtroom? Wtf? 

Nolan just tells sam to do all the work and then takes lead on all the cases, huh? 

The way this ep is going its lowkey looking like mccoy is getting fired/forced to retire, not doing it voluntarily lol. 

Lol, i give no shits if they fire nolan, just don’t touch my samantha bebe pls. 

Okay so they really are setting mccoy up to being fired, hey? 

All of these shows would be SO much better if they actually just acknowledged that they all exist in the same universe/city. Like... i’d love to see the same recurring cast members as the defence attorneys/judges/etc as the same characters in all three shows. Or like, have them mention each other, like in this ep they easily could have at least been like “hold on, I'll call benson, maybe she caught the case” no need to guest star, just mention it. Though they could guest star the other characters considering svu is only giving screen time to M and Ice... 

I am SO bored watching jack in court... where’s the spunk? 

There is way too much political shit that goes into this. Ugh.  

Also this send off is lame. They really couldnt have done it any better? The promos made me think it was some big celebratory thing... 

Yeah that was lame as shit. 

Alright... moment of truth.... is CI Toronto going to be good or absolute crap? 

Why is it tinted blue? This is like when shows “go to mexico” and they just tint the screen yellow. Do they think canada is blue tinted because of the snow/cold? 

Theme song does not slap. 

Where did my subtitles go?? 

Okay the liutenant is my faourite part so far. I like her. Female detective is on the fence for me right now, i don’t like the dude. 

Are they not carrying guns?? Does dick wolf think canadian cops don’t carry guns? Cause i assure you they do... 

LOL at the casual dropping of facts about characters we know nothing about. She has a kid, noted. 

... i stopped paying attention, i can’t lie. This isn’t terrible, but it isn’t great. We coulda had For the Defence... 

Okay, so like i said, not terrible, but i found it pretty boring.  

Moving on to SVU 

Okay this is clearly some kind of abduction situation going on. 

Velasco got a line! Yay! 

Wanna steal that plaid...ngl. 

“aren’t you a captain” THAT IS EXACTLY MY QUESTION, HOW DOES THIS SQUAD NOW HAVE TWO CAPTAINS??!! Make it make sense!! 

“and you needed a rollins” thank you fin for telling it like it is. 

Liv is off her fucking rocker man, like yeah, the kid on the train obvi needs help, and they should intervene and there is a slight chance that it is related to the maddie situation, but that’s the only thing she can see righ tnow and it’s not making for a good show. 

Say pittsburg one more time. I dare you. 

“it’s captain benson” uh... eileen called *her* why did that phone convo go like that? 

The delulu in this episode is stronger than my delulu imagining being married to fictional charaters jfc.. 

“happi burger” ?!?!? I'm having s9 flashbacks 

Aaaand a guest star that was on the show in the last year and a half is guest starring again... as a different character... not surprised. *sigh* (at the v least she’s acting her ass off and is good at what she does so...) 

Liv you have as many issues as this agent, don’t try and make her seem like she should open up to you lololol. 

“you sure youre not just projecting?” THANK YOU 

Thank fuck this gd maddie shit is finally done with. I am over it lol. 

Liv's out here just adopting rescues from all sorts of different departments temporarily, this doesn’t make any sense. 

Omg this OC flashback just made me so excited, all the amazing shit that happened last week LOL. 

Literally thought that old man was mcgrath.. 

I'm sorry... if i find something in a *bathroom* garbage can, the last thing I'm doing is putting it in my *mouth* 

Ayanna being all “gimmie!” about the stuffie is adorable. I may have to write some kind of fix it fic for her/this situation.... 

Okay that was lazy writing, Rita’s friend literally just basically repeated the exact same phrase twice... 

“no gps to pull from a camera” that is a straight up fucking lie. Both my point and shoot and my dslr have gps... 

This other tech guy working for them (ai guy?) he reminds me of kevin from crimi. Not sure if that’s just the over eager-second choice tech- guy vibes or if its something else... 

I don’t trust this bitch. At all. She's gotta be in on it. 

Hahahahaha elliot’s face when he walks in to jet and bobby in the room lol. 

This hate crimes guy is growing on me. 

Anyone else looking at the parallels of liv being hyperfocused on maddie and finding her, meanwhile elliot was so wrapped up with the Rita situation in the last season and now is so upset/lost about losing her... 

AYANNA CUDDLING HER LIL STUFFIE AHHHH *soft*