#because if YOU know what you're doing than the audience will accept it easier

[octosan]

Working on one of the videos for my drinking game series and I got mad and wrote a whole rant that I realized was a little too much for a drinking game post.

I just hate this script so much you guys. I hate SO MUCH how much they simplified the dialogue, the worldbuilding, the puzzle solving in this game.

I've seen a lot of complaints about fans being illiterate towards the story and to that I say of course they are! The game doesn't ask them to think! Rather than throwing up your hands saying "maybe they had a good reason to dumb down the dialogue and spoonfeed you this stuff"

consider that critical thinking is a muscle

and players do not exercise it when the game is afraid you will forget the core premises of the game, or individual missions, and so repeat them constantly.

When your companions all get along and share the same basic principles beyond bland culture differences, and their principles are all ones deemed acceptable to "modern" audiences, so you never have to think about what life experiences might have led them to feel that way.

When you have your companions constantly patting you and the other companions on the back and saying "nice job!!" in combat as if we wouldn't understand that they are friends otherwise.

When you constantly have characters make juvenile comments like "this is evil, even for the venatori!" or "they did that just for power?/greed?" or "man this makes me hate the venatori even more!" (even more?? these are fantasy nazis!!! you didn't hate them already??) and then don't give the evil factions any nuance because they're afraid you won't get that these factions are eeeeeevil. (The Venatori were never very nuanced outside Calpernia but at least there was lip service that they were a symptom of broader issues, not the convenient cause.)

When you're constantly explaining to the player how many blight pustules they still need to pop, how many crystals you have left, and oh!! the gate's open now! go through the gate! or look! there are darkspawn there where your camera is already pointed! Even late in the game they were doing this! Even at the end of Bellara's questline she was explaining that laser mechanic to me!

When they present you with lore reveals that have been highly anticipated for decades, as well as multiple memories which are meant to add to our interpretation of a core character, and they literally just tell you what to think about them and how to interpret them, at length, in that godawful regret questline. (And tbh even Solas' memories in the Crossroads did not tell me anything I did not already know)

And then Mythal saying "hey those murals are not 100% reliable memories" in a single missable dialogue option that we don't address any further, rendering even that agonizing bit of handholding pointless. Like okay what does it MATTER that they are not 100% reliable? because the redemption ending relies on your interpretations of it being 100% correct!! what purpose does that line serve except to give the writers deniability?

When you don't even bother to GIVE new worldbuilding details when they could absolutely be relevant at the time, except when it makes the writers' job easier like "turlum" or Bellara's clan's funeral practices being indistinguishable from ancient elven ones even though that's literally not what we were told about Dalish practices in the past, guess the Emerald Graves don't exist anymore-. Like just as one example that has stuck in my head, Elgy and Ghilly use terms like The Blight, Archdemons, Darkspawn, the Crossroads, etc. despite being from time periods that predate those terms and presumably having their own words for those same concepts. You can't tell me that Ghilly honestly thinks of her beloved hell children as "darkspawn", or that she would tolerate other people calling them that. You can't tell me that Elgy would agree to call his instrument of reshaping the world, which he is trying to convince people is a good thing, the Blight.

When the game actively punishes people who are familiar with the prior materials with their worldbuilding, punishes people who are reading the codex entries and looking for minor throwaway lines that acknowledge previous shit like the fact that Crows are literally tortured as part of their training and killed if they fail contracts, by having it not be remotely relevant to the story and make it much harder to have the appropriate reaction to what's happening in it (like Rook has no choice but to be happy Jacobus is taking in more orphan crows??) This is low-hanging fruit but it's so illustrative of what I mean.

What other outcome is this all going to have but players who do not look further than the surface? Who miss and ignore little details they have been trained to think do not matter and largely do not inform the broader story and characters? Players who are easily stumped on puzzles because they were not allowed to figure anything else out by themselves?

Are you going to claim that the Orzammar questline in Origins didn't teach anybody a lesson about paying close attention to the social structures and culture of a society when you pick the person who's going to rule it, as opposed to picking the guy who the narrative frames as wise and kind and the other guy framed as a power hungry third child? Are you going to claim that the Archon choice teaches anything remotely as useful?

Like!!!!

GOD

Inquisition had plenty of this stupid handholding too btw. You can argue all of the games had it by degrees. but it wasn't even remotely this bad.

[touyas-multi-purpose-saline]

DAY XXVIII. — DACRYPHILIA

cw: Dacryphilia, Post-MHA, Unhealthy Relationships, Mentions of Past Abuse / Manipulation / Violence, Gross Descriptions of Bodily Fluids, Vomit, Begging, Yandere Undertones, Mind-Broken Behavior, Dub-Con, Uncomfortable Scenarios, General Dark Content Not Suitable for Immature Audiences, Fem! Reader. Reader discretion is advised. 18+ Only!

author's note: Oh, yes. I definitely enjoy Post-MHA Overhaul. It really reveals his true character, in my opinion. It goes to show everything was a persona and that he's never had a chance to be a true him. I do not condone unhealthy behavior in any sense! This is strictly fiction! Do not force yourself to read if you're uncomfortable.

word count: Approximately 1.2k words.

Part of you starts to wonder what you ever did to deserve a fate like this. 

There’s an inkling of a memory, but it’s so faint, and you try to wink it out of your mind. You were in the wrong place, wrong time, meddled in business that wasn’t yours to begin with because you assumed there was some injustice happening, and then your life was forever altered. You were sent spiraling down a path away from humanity so far that you couldn’t even turn back around, the tide too strong, impossible to beat the oars to shift around, and you’ll keep sinking into heavy white caps. The horrors that you had seen, the times you were strapped down and helpless, the explosions of men who took the wrong step, crumbling dirt, the crying from a little girl that you couldn’t do anything but walk away from, a lock that clicked, the final chord to your freedom as your bedroom door closed. 

Maybe you should have fought back harder. Maybe you should have just lunged forward, teeth and claws bared, and ripped into whatever you could snag. Maybe you should have struggled until death cinched down your throat. Maybe you should have found a way to get yourself killed. 

That’s what you did to deserve a fate like this—you stood around uselessly, frozen and powerless, and what did it give you? 

A man laying atop of your body, head awkwardly buried within the crook of your neck, floundering over your nude body, pressing against your chest and belly in uncomfortable ways. His weight was odd, like he didn’t know how to move right anymore, like he was trying to find a way to roll himself into you that would make him disappear. Deep, deeper, and his breath hiccups in odd quarter notes between each thrust, each gasp he swallows. He’s never felt sloppier. You tilt your head to the side, wincing with each sharp thrust. 

“A-Angel. Angel. A-A-Ahhh… nnaa, —gel.” 

Over and over, like a mantra, like he never learned how to say any other words than that. That’s all he ever does anymore. Only says a few phrases, like he’s lost everything in him. I’m sorry. I failed. Forgive me. Angel. Over and over and over, and you’re starting to forget any poetry your tired and bleak mind ever lapped at. Can you wither with someone? Can you intertwine your bodies like overgrown weeds, mottled sap and moss across dusty windows, vines that twist with thorns, compressing to the lee of the stone? Is that what you desire most? Is that what you want? Would it be easier if you let your mind run silly and lose all comprehension just to be able to handle each thrust? Each moan? Each kiss? Each angel? How much longer can you hold off that inevitable? 

“Angel. Sorry. I can’t hold myself up.” 

You shake your head dismissively. 

“It’s okay, Kai. Let me help you.” 

Both of your hands leave his back, loosening, and Kai sucks in a shallow breath, accidentally leaning forward a bit too much to maintain your touch, but you just groan and squint your eyes. You can feel the liquid from his face, the wine and vinegar, it’s all over your neck and collar bone. He’s so gross. It’s going to be so gross to look at him again. He’s so solid, teeming with pathetic acceptance, all his will lost, and it strains your wrists whenever you try to hook your hands underneath his armpits and lift him. Your thumbs swivel to push, your hips meet his in rhythm for a few swings, and your knees pinch together to hoist your bodies up and together. Your back slams noisily against the pillow and headboard, but the pain doesn’t even register. All you can focus on is Kai’s face. 

So gaunt, so shadowy, so hollow. Those once beautiful eyes wide and spacey, golden ambers dulled into earthy pebbles. His long lashes flutter, decorated by large pearls, by tears that stream down the apples of his face. Torrential rains that flood into his snot and drool, thick and soupy, and you try to stifle the look of disgust that crosses your face whenever it congeals and starts to splatter across your body. He’s so gross. Maybe he was always this gross. 

You can’t believe you ever fell in love with him.

“A-Angel—” 

Oh, how romantic Kai sounds now. So needy, finding ways to groove himself into your embrace, your body, and his sex grows faster. All of your teeth are chowing down on your inner mouth, the walls tender and fruity, and you can feel a few splinters pop in the aftermath, iron sour. The head of Kai’s cock pierces in ways that you’d never think possible, stumbling over the ridges of your cunt, and you can’t help when you’re screaming behind a glued mouth. He’s crying, Kai is crying. He always cries when you have sex. You hate it. He tries to be tender, he tries to lay into you gently, he tries to find ways to make this seem like a slice of heaven—but you just think he’s a messy little boy who’ll throw up on your breasts after he cums and then lay his head atop his own filth while he begs you to tell him that you love him until he passes out. 

And with each passing thrust, you start to dwell on it. The longer you think, the further the dome of your head digs into the wall, the happier the thought makes you. Kai crying. No matter how pursy or slovenly Kai becomes with each gyration of his hips, with every deep moan that revs in the back of his throat, with the way he shoves himself forward to meet your static lips in a sloppy kiss. His sticky snot, opaque and stringy, dances across the brow of your lips, dangles down your faces, meets in the middle, and he’s working his jaw in rhythm with his thrusts. All of it is combining in your mind, and it makes you feel so giddy, and you realize you’ve finally lost it. You don’t love Kai anymore, but hearing him cry, apologize, make a mess of himself upon you, begging, fucking you, births glittery butterflies dancing within the cavity of your belly and you start giggling against Kai’s mouth. 

Your eyes are open, so are Kai’s, and you can see the expression on his face shift into something akin to confusion, but you really don’t care anymore. Another giggle before you’re returning Kai’s kiss fervently, and your hands are finding any place on his body to squeeze and grab, you’re massaging him, feeling his muscles and his ribs, and your feet chop out before they clasp together. You draw Kai in further, his disconsolate fluids drenching the both of you, and you’re moaning. 

You don’t like to think about the fate you've ended up with. 

But if Kai never stops crying, then it'll be one you deserve. 

[separatist-apologist]

Hey MB<3 I just keep rereading your fics over and over and they hit everytime (like seriously they itch every scratch in my brain), but just wondering, do u have any elucien fics on your tbr rn, or recent ones that you recommend? I'm mostly looking for canon compliant bc that is crack to me but im not too picky, just looking for recs!

I ANSWERED THE WRONG ASK god kill me right now

You're so sweet. Sorry it took me so long to write this- I wanted to put together a good mix. I hope you like them- these are just one's I've read, there are more on @elucienweekofficials list of multi-chapter fics set in canon, too!

This is long so I put it beneath a cut. I tried to mix on-going fics with completed fics and not recommend the same ones I always do. If anyone finds this list helpful, be better than me and leave a review

I Believe The Word You're Looking For Is Friends by @kingofsummer93

Elain Archeron and Lucien Vanserra are haunted by ghosts of their past, unable to move forward, unsure where they belong.

Together they come to an agreement. He'll teach her everything he knows about Prythian. He'll take her anywhere she wants to go.

In return, maybe she can just stop slapping him so much.

All You Have Is Your Fire by @clockwork-ashes

'I can hear your heart beating through the stone.' For the briefest of moments, Lucien wondered if his mate would know exactly when his heart’s steady rhythm came to a sudden stop.

Elain goes to the Autumn Court demanding an audience with the High Lord to save the mate she can barely stand to be in the same room with. She ends up having to stay much longer than she bargained for.

What If I Told You I'm Back by climbingmountains

Come one, come all, it's happening again…Elain and Azriel have been married for ten years. Koschei is defeated, their family is at peace. And if she feels a hollow ache of something every once in a while, that’s just the price one pays for love and duty.

Until she comes home one day to the news that her husband has a mating bond of his own.

OR: I listened to nothing but The Tortured Poets Department for over a month and had a lot of angst to release.

Mockingbird by @avabrynne

After Lucien reluctantly agrees to meet with Eris, he’s shocked when his brother reveals his biggest secret: he has eight-year-old twin daughters. Unwilling to entrust them to anyone else and with Beron's gaze on him more intense than ever, Eris has Lucien swear to protect the girls and take them with him.

When it becomes clear they can’t stay in the human lands even when glamoured to look human, Lucien turns to the Night Court. While it’s easier to handle outbursts of young magic there, Lucien needs help. Enter Elain, who bonded quickly with the twins after their arrival. On top of everything else, Lucien and Elain start to navigate their bond while also finding out a few more secrets, like who Lucien’s actual father is. It's an Autumn and Day Court family drama Elucien and ErisxOC fic!

ACOWAR (Eluciens edition) by @crazy-ache

One moment. All it takes is one singular moment to change the trajectory of fate. Following the events of Hybern, everything changes when Lucien instinctively grabs his mate—Elain Archeron—and brings her back to the Spring Court with Feyre and Tamlin.

In the midst of war and ruin, Elain and Lucien will have to face the bond that connects them together if they hope to survive the unintended consequences. To do so, they’ll have to prevail through games of deceit, powerful forces of magic, and deadly enemies. And hope their hearts survive the journey.

A retelling of A Court of Wings and Ruin (ACOWAR) and a Canon Divergent AU.

A Court of Ash and Sunlight by aturner1205

“I know you’d rather not get help from me. I know you’ve rejected our mating bond and I’ve accepted that. But I still want to make sure you’re safe.”

Her heart twisted in its cage, filling her whole body with icy tears that would not spill.

Tell him. He deserves to know the truth. Tell him.

And because this time the voice inside was hers, because it was strong and clear and right, she did.

“I haven’t rejected the mating bond with you, Lucien,” she said quietly, her chest pounding so loud she could hardly hear the words. “But I think I damaged it, because—because I’ve never felt it.”

The Scenic Route by @bonecarversbestie

Elain grows discontent with her role in the Night Court as she grapples with grief for her human life and powers that she does not fully understand. One evening she accidentally winnows to Lucien's doorstep and he agrees to take her back to Velaris via the scenic route.

Can I Be Close To You by @temperedink

Elain and Lucien have been feeling out their tentative new relationship for a while, and Elain is getting antsy about the slow pace she's set for them. But maybe it's time to take things to the next level.

Set a few years post-ACOSF.

Oceans Apart (Never) by angryramen

Living in the Day-Court with her mate seemed like a damning at first. But slowly Elain started to enjoy Lucien’s company. They conversed together in the Day-Court gardens and slowly became friends. He even promised to charter a ship to take her to the continent, somewhere she’d always wanted to go. But when the time comes to say goodbye…

The Heirs of Fall and Flame by arosebetweenthorns

Eris Vanserra has always been a complicated male. Born as the first son to a tyrant of a High Lord, he was raised on cruelty, learning never to reveal weaknesses. But as Eris' allegiances to his father's court are questioned, his loyalties forming with those across borders, he realises enemies in his own court - especially his father - may be too difficult for him to keep at bay, especially when he inadvertently sets his father's sights onto his youngest brother. Then there's Rhysand's Inner Circle to contend with - one particular shadowsinger that Eris can't seem to avoid... but does he even want to? --- Lucien Vanserra always thought his suffering at the Autumn Court's hands was behind him. But when his father shows a vested interest in him years after banishing him, it's clear he will have to fight to keep the fragile peace he's built himself. All Lucien wants is to be with Elain and begin a life of his own, but when Elain's life is threatened by his father, Lucien learns just how much he has to learn before life can truly begin.

This is a direct continuation of the events of ACOSF. Joint POV of Eris and Lucien.

A Court of Breaking by @aldbooks

A year after the events of A Breaking, Elain feels a tug on the bond and realizes her estranged mate is in danger. Lucien, now returned to the Night Court, wonders if he might have been too hasty in his decision to leave, and if there might still be a chance for him with his mate

Summer Heat by @zenkindoflove

Lucien nodded his head, looking for any cue that he was dismissed. “Got it. Keep everyone in line and try not to make an ass of myself in front of my mate. I’ll see what I can do.”

Summer Court is hosting the Summer Solstice Summit and the Night Court is sending their best emissaries to attend. It will be Elain's first time mingling in another court, and it's a good thing she has an expert guiding her: the mate she's been ignoring for the last two years.

Meanwhile, Eris has been sent to the summit to spy on Summer's developments. What he doesn't anticipate is entangling in a steamy, forbidden romance.

Post-ACOSF, Elucien, Eris x OC, Multi-chapter.

Healer In The Night by @infinitefolklore

Lucien has been away on the continent on a mission. No one has heard from him in over two months. Elain is worried. On a dark and stromy night, he shows up bloody on her doorstep. Elain nurses him back to health.

The Luck Of The Draw by @sad-scarred-sassy

Elain Archeron is determined to end her unwanted mating bond with Lucien Vanserra. She has resigned herself to a loveless life, convinced she will never be able to experience true love without the fabricated weight of an assigned mate.

Her plans take a sharp turn when her mate arrives with a proposition to accompany him on a mission to a foreign court. When no one else believes her capable of succeeding Elain decides to prove to herself and others that she is not as hopeless as everyone else thought.

Only this will mean she will have to face him, and with that all that she has sworn off, battling between not knowing where the mating bond's influence ends and where her true feelings begin.

[riacte]

Yeah at first I thought this session was good because the gimmick didn’t 100% interfere with the players. They could fight and chat and maybe a little something something from this Sam Reich Robot but seeing how the questions were made by fans for fans, it definitely feels very pandering like “oOooOooooO what two flowers did Scar give to Grian in third life?” and “wow wow wow who was married in third life? Was it this popular ship? This popular ship? Or this popular ship!” and “who was Grian’s secret soulmate” like you know the tumblr peeps would freak out other it but overall it’s like? Okay and? You (the players) keep referring back to old seasons in wild life while not focusing on the current season at hand or make an effort to try something new? Maybe this is why I like Lizzie’s pov because she isn’t stuck in the past (cough cough treebark pandering cough cough scarian divorce cough cough whatever the hell is going on at the 4 B base)

This session I think did have more downtime than snail and speed and they got some things done, but yeah you're so right. The Treebark pandering thing is so weird for me personally because usually I love being pandered to— it's like a self-aware thing between Martyn and the fandom, we play along, we have a good time— but somehow this wasn't my vibe. There's always been a thin line, but now it's intentional and painfully obvious. I know fans made the questions and this isn't hate, I would've probably done the same given the opportunity 😭 but it being accepted by Grian and shown in the ep felt a little too self aware? It's like when you're lucid dreaming and you dream up your crush and they magically like you back and it feels insanely good because it's all you wanted yet it's off because you're controlling your dream projection.

I pretty much only watch this season for the Treebark honeymoon, so as the Target Audience, it's hypocritical that I'm like "ok now I don't like Treebark pandering" like okay girl what have you been doing since 2021?? Enjoying the pandering yeah?? What's wrong with me?? Throwing a temper tantrum like a toddler because I got the bait I wanted??? Hmm?

"You (the players) keep referring back to old seasons in wild life while not focusing on the current season at hand or make an effort to try something new" this is so real. It's like they're trying something new for fresh interest and rehashing the old things people liked to retain the past audience. Arguably Treebark has an excuse because they haven't interacted in sooooo long and they don't do much outside of Life (now they do Rats and hopefully MCC).

Anyways yeah pandering. It's always been pandering but the curtain has drawn back just a little too much and I think it made me too self aware of the shit I do so I flinched. I joke about Ren and Martyn being married all the time but seeing it on my screen was like "girl why did the devil's sacrament come to YOU".

"Okay and?" Tbh that sums it up. What now? What happens next week? Did we ever get a proper exposition on the spawner cages and eggs? What now?

This season is easier to understand if I imagine it as a (borrowing MCC terms) "non canon" series of standalone gimmicks in which the Life series cast goof off once a week. Like Guess the Build. But saying that is taboo because this is officially Life Series 6, so everything that happens here is canon and the winner will be canon.

[queenofthearchipelago]

I feel like the reason some people in the fandom chose to look at the final fifteen in this sort of "I'm team Aziraphale / anti-Crowley" or "I'm team Crowley / anti-Aziraphale" kind of way is because they forget that Crowley and Aziraphale are literally two sides of the same coin.

And everyone either relates more to one side or the other. For me, I relate to Crowley more. I understand him easier. When the final fifteen came, nothing he said confused me or caught me off guard. I gasped and screamed, sure. But I didn't need to analyze his words the way I needed to analyze Aziraphale's.

Does that mean I'm saying I don't relate to Aziraphale at all? No. Honestly, the more I think about Aziraphale, the more I see myself in him too. It's just that the bits of Aziraphale I relate to are either bits of myself that are harder to see, or bits of myself I don't like.

And so when I watch the final fifteen as a separate person, not part of the coin, I relate to one side more than the other (I relate to both sides equally but it's hard to accept that sometimes.) But I also have to be honest with myself.

If I weren't just the audience, would I be Aziraphale or Crowley?

Would I be Crowley, not letting myself back into a toxic relationship that hurt me? Would I want to run and yell at the sky so that they couldn't find me anymore? Would I want to just allow myself the life where I could have one good thing I've found in the entire universe?

Or would I be Aziraphale? Would I allow myself to be convinced (or manipulated) into going back to a place that hurt me? Or, depending on your theory, would I go back into the lion's den and try to change the system that oppresses me? Would I want to make the world a better place for the person I loved most, even if it was dangerous? Even if they began to hate me for it? (Not that I think Crowley hates him, but what does Aziraphale think that Crowley thinks of him?)

I know myself enough to know that I'm Crowley. I wanna run. I'm scared and I love you and we can be safe if we just keep going forward. Why are you asking me to go back there? To them? You know what they did! You're enough for me, everything to me, why are you chosing them over just allowing yourself to have me?

There's a bit of me that's Aziraphale. A bit of me that would go back, if I truly thought I could fix it. If I was the better manipulator.

But I think not everyone can do that, they see themselves in one OR the other. They take sides because they can't see both sides. And honestly maybe that's part of the point of Heaven and Hell in the show in the first place. They don't see the value of the other side. The merits, the thoughtfulness. The shades of grey of it all.

Maybe most people who are anti Aziraphale can't relate to that desperate tone Michael Sheen chose to use when he said that Heaven is the side of good. Can't relate to desperately needing to hope that this place you come from is still somehow good at the core. Because how could you come from corruption?

And maybe most people who are completely obliterating Crowley's character in the tags don't relate to the bursting need to just be free of the things that hold you back from every good thing you've ever wanted for yourself.

I see myself in both. I've been there. I'd be Crowley out of the two of them. But I see Aziraphale now. The more I think of him the more I understand him.

As much as I ask questions (so many questions) that get me in trouble, I also refuse to ask them out loud for the same reason.

I have people in my life who think I have this incredible capacity to think everything through. Every possible avenue of consideration. And I also have people in my life who get frustrated with me for not thinking hard enough or fast enough.

I have made some difficult decisions on what was good and what was right and made my choice that I would do what I thought was right over what I was raised to think was good. And I also made some of those decisions in complete agonizing secret.

The true ending for good omens 2 is realizing for yourself, however you get there, that you (yes, YOU) are both of them.

As David and Michael said in the interviews, Aziraphale and Crowley are fascinated and completely infuriated by the other. Because they're so different. Because they're so similar. And if you don't feel the same way yet, relating to one, and being amazed at how you relate to the other. Being fascinated and infuriated by it, then you just haven't reached the end yet.

When I rewatch the very ending of the season these days, I don't see a demon, completely in love with an angel who is leaving him. I see myself watching myself do something I would never do. Except I would do it. I wouldn't, I'd never. And yet I would. And I watch myself get in the car and drive away from the version of me that did.

[fruitwave]

grow by choosing how you react to setbacks.

"well, it's not like panicking will make the bus come any faster."

when it comes to the lifestyle of bettering yourself, a large growth-related element of this practice often flies under the radar, & that is the choice of how you react to unexpected/unwanted obstacle that are thrown your way.

these could be drawbacks thats are within your control, or out of your control. life is unpredictable; even outcomes/decisions/events that we seemingly have control, over may not go our way due to various reasons— including human error.

even so, that's okay.

this clip from "skip to loafer" displays a brief lesson regarding this idea, and it's presented in such a simple manner that you might not think twice about it.

notice how both of the characters are met by the same inconvenience. while it is unfortunate and "time-wasting", the difference in which they process this obstacle is contrasting.

Both are students with remarkable academic success, but one lives a life of hyper-obsession of time, structure, and intense self-pressure. She sets high expectations of herself, and beats herself down when she does not reach them. She struggles socially, and is unable to live a life of balance.

The other character managed to create a balanced lifestyle of academic achievement, social success, kindness, and self-love. while she has expectations for herself, what enables her to thrive is how she reacts to negative emotions, and to the natural setbacks of life—such as disappointment and failure.

as humans, we spend a lot of our time and energy wallowing in our negative emotions, because it is easier to live in a state of cynicism than a state of optimism.

the statement "it's not like panicking will make the bus come any faster" can be easily overlooked, but it's a quote that personally, comes to mind when I find myself having anxious thoughts, or am feeling unhealthy stress.

indulging in your negative emotions will not change the outcome of your situation. it sounds like a pretty obvious statement, but not when you're stressing about getting that exam result, or feeling anxious waiting to get a text back, or if you're worried about being perceived during that presentation.

ask yourself this: can I do anything about this?

If it's no, just let go of the negative feelings you've attached to it. stressing over the exam results won't make the results come out any quicker. being anxious about being on delivered won't change the moment the text is read. worrying about being stared at during a presentation won't make the audience go away.

recognize the moments you find yourself in these negative states of mind, and use the time to indulge in more favourable concepts— such as gratitude, curiosity, acceptance, and mindfulness.

not only does the mindfulness of your reactions benefit yourself, but you'll also notice how your reactions will uplift and inspire the people around you. It is a notable trait of natural born leaders, to accept an outcome at face value, and proceed accordingly. not letting the negatives of the situation infiltrate the positive goals & aspirations they've set for themselves.

Here are some methods you can use to develop controlling your reactions as a habit.

using metacognitive activities as a form of self-reflection.

metacognition is a form of introspection; essentially self-analyzing the way you learn. knowing what you do & don't know, accepting and being aware of that. It is used with intent of expanding one's knowledge, being curious about oneself and how/where you can excel, and how you can learn in a more effective way. If you aren't too familiar with it, I highly recommend looking into it— Especially if you’re a student.

2. creating goals and objectives, without expecting.

no one knows you better than you. while it is good to set goals for yourself, it is entirely possible to create unhealthy goals for oneself that lead to inevitable self sabotage. It's something that's situational, and only you will be able to tell when something is too unrealistic for yourself. work on identifying that. become aware of what you're capable of and more, and it will eliminate most of your self-doubt. this will allow you to be able to understand what the best ways are to continue pushing yourself out of your comfort zone in ways that work for you.

3. seeing the silver lining & practicing gratitude

no matter what, there is always a silver lining to a situation. things could have gone worse, and you always have to be grateful for that. make sure you really feel it. maybe things didn't work out how you think they should've, but usually when one book closes, another one opens. the world didn't end, nobody died(unless they actually did.. again, this is situational, so apply these methods where they can be applied), and you're okay.

4. acknowledging time permanence

sometimes, looking at the big objective picture (which is somewhat morbid and depressing to think about) can help put things into perspective. in life, there is not a thing that is permanent. we come into this world alone, and leave this world alone. our time overlaps with our parents, pets, peers, and our world— but no two will leave and enter the world in the same moments. right now, the moment you are reading this, will pass, and your life will go on. This is quite a long read, and even so, eventually, you will forget you ever read this. a moment will happen, and then it will leave us. no matter how significant the moment is, it'll come and go. even the scary and daunting ones will become something of the past, so just do it!

5. optimistic nihilism

adopting some viewpoints of certain philosophic ideologies can help remove some of the gravity we put onto life itself and make us realize, it's not all that serious. "optimistic nihilism is a philosophical standpoint that blends nihilism, which asserts that life lacks intrinsic meaning or purpose, with optimism, which embraces the potential for joy and fulfilment despite this absence of inherent meaning. optimistic nihilism is based on the premise that life lacks objective meaning or purpose. cosmic plans, divine will, ultimate goals, moral laws, and inherent value hold no sway over the fabric of existence. every event within the universe occurs due to natural laws and “random” occurrences, devoid of any significance beyond the subjective interpretations we assign to them."

If this is too much to digest, here is a rulebook of how I live daily to keep it simple and easy.

don't take myself too seriously

take my work and health seriously

be kind

if you feel this post applies to you, I hope you've found it helpful in some way or another. Have a lovely day/night, and take care!!

[pickledpascal]

Hold Me Like Water

Chapter Three: Unearthed Without A Name

Warnings: queer themes, a little whump

Word Count: 1.9k

Hold Me Like Water Masterlist

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September 2014,

Maya's appearance in Days of Future Past, released months ago now, created a lot of buzz for her career. Some good. Some bad. Of course, the fanboys thought her role in the film, especially as an original character not in the comics at all, was unneeded. She tried not to focus on that. 

She was getting offers to be in mainstream film—some of which she took, some of which she did not. Arlo was pretty good at sifting through the bullshit Native stereotype roles—small, dainty, soft-looking enough to cater to the male audience. Not that she would fit into those stereotypes anyway but it seemed the scripts were sent to any well-known Indigenous name. 

In the midst of everything, Hugh kept by her side. He called her whenever he could just to make sure she was alright. She would tell him it was even if it wasn't. But he always seemed to know when she lied. It felt like he was staring into her soul. A pomegranate cracked open with her seeds on display, messy with juice but he didn't mind. 

Since she knew it'd be easier for her job, Maya rented an apartment with her sister in New York. It proved to be a good idea. New York was a hotspot for other actors and directors, she could keep in touch with them a little better than if she stayed in Canada. She hated that she had to pay more for data when calling across the borders. 

As she lived there for a few months, she got to see Hugh in person a lot more. Though, she never saw him with his family. Maybe that was on purpose. 

It was confirmed one day when she was invited to his apartment for the first time.

She was glad to leave her apartment. Sakari had been blasting an album by some new artist called Hozier. It was a bit annoying but she had to admit the music was good.

As she entered, she looked around the large penthouse. It had large floor-to-ceiling windows. Maya couldn't help but compare it to the small two-bedroom apartment she now shared with Sakari. There was a lot of white with silver accents and a bit of clutter here and there. 

“They can just be a lot for new people. I wanted to talk to you one-on-one for something, anyway.” Hugh told her, giving her a light smile. “I told my wife to take the kids to the zoo,” He chuckled, “I had a feeling it'd give us enough time.” 

Maya tilted her head at the mention of what he visit was for. They had quite a few conversations over the phone. She wondered how face-to-face would make it better. Perhaps it would make it more real depending on what the topic was. 

“Would you like anything to drink?” Hugh offered, trying to make her as comfortable as possible. He was fidgety. 

It made Maya even more confused. Every time she'd seen him, no matter where they were or what they were doing, he was relaxed. She was almost concerned. 

She shook her head. “I'm alright. Thank you.” Her eyebrows furrowed as they sat on the couch. He got himself a glass of water and sat it on the coffee table in front of them. 

“You're, um, a transgender woman…” Hugh started, still not meeting her eyes.

Maya was intrigued at this point. “Yes?” 

“I, uh, I guess I was just wondering how that happened?” He visibly cringed as the words came out of his mouth. He knew that wasn't the best way to do that. “What made you know?” He clarified.

Maya smiled softly, amused. The topic wasn't one she talked about much because nearly everyone she knew personally did not care and simply accepted her. Now, it was known by far more people than she could possibly comprehend. But it wasn't something she felt she needed to explain, especially regarding people who she did not care about, even less so for people who did not care about her. 

“I can't really give you a straight answer,” Maya told him, an eyebrow raised. She continued, knowing he might need something more than that to grasp onto that. “It's just kinda something you know. A feeling. I told my family when I was very young and, seeing as we're Native, it was very easy for them to grasp and accept me. I know for some it's different, of course. I know I was very lucky.” 

Hugh nodded along as he listened to her. He was silent, looking down at his lap. He was clearly processing the information. Or working up the courage to ask something else. 

“I just… I want to know how to be that for my kids. If they ever do feel like that, I'm just—I don't know what to do.” Hugh confessed, his shoulders slumping. 

Maya could tell he had been thinking about it for a long time, his reaction to the possibility one of his kids could be queer. He seemed so afraid that it would be the wrong one. Her eyes softened. 

She lifted a hand to squeeze his shoulder. “You're an amazing person, Hugh. If one of your kids came out, I have no doubt you would be supportive. And that's all they need.” She assured him softly. “You love your kids. I can tell. Would them coming out change that?”

“Of course not.” He responded without hesitation. 

Maya smiled at his response. She wasn't with him around his family so she couldn't observe it in action but she could tell his love for them was unconditional. It flowed through him in every vein. And it made her heart feel full just seeing it in him.

“Then you need to tell your kids, not outright, that it's okay if they are. Be their safe space. Be patient.” She knew it was better said than done. It could be hard to come out even if a parent was vocally in support of the queer community. 

Hugh nodded. Another answer he wasn't quite looking for but one that he knew would help him. He looked up at Maya's eyes, glancing between the two different colors. 

“When you said… it was easy for your family to grasp because you're Native, what does that mean?” He asked, eyebrows furrowed.

Maya adjusted her position on the couch and let out a soft laugh. “Lots of Indigenous cultures do not abide by the European two-gender idea.” She flexed her fingers, a few bones cracking in the process. She had never explained this to anyone before, seeing as a lot of people she surrounded herself with knew these things already. Arlo was included since they were good friends. “I'm not sure about the Aboriginals, but a lot of Indigenous American peoples have a third gender. They were thought of as divine. A gift of the Heavens since they were born with part of a male and a female soul. Most became shamans and other higher ranks in the tribe.” 

Hugh's eyes were wide with wonder, actively nodding along. It was something she was not used to, especially coming from someone like Hugh. Her heart beat loudly in her chest. It was nice to be paid attention to. 

“That is… beautiful.” He smiled softly, a myriad of thoughts filled his head. 

He could almost imagine her as something like she described. She had told him that her father was the head of the tribal council for the town they lived in. So, to some respect, she was born royalty. 

“Does that mean I'm friends with a goddess?” He asked teasingly, nudging her arm with his hand. He was half tempted to squeeze her bicep. 

Maya chuckled bashfully, shaking her head. “I'm nowhere near as powerful as my character.”

“I wouldn't say that,” Hugh argued gently. “You're just powerful in different ways. She can control the water inside people's blood and you…” He paused, staring at her for a few seconds. “You can command a room of people by simply being in it.” 

He recalled a particularly emotional scene while filming Days of Future Past. The whole room went silent, even him. The camera wasn't focused on him so he took the opportunity to simply watch her work. To see the light tremble of her lips and the gentle furrow of her eyebrows. He felt his heart clench at the sight. He wanted to console her, felt the need to as if she was genuinely emotional and he was the only other person in the room watching her come undone because of the weight of her sadness. 

Maya let out a soft huff of laughter which confused Hugh. “I mean it, Maya.” He said firmly.

“I know. And I appreciate the sentiment.” 

“It's not just a sentiment. It's the truth. An empirical fact.” Hugh kept pressing softly, as if gently beating it into her. A soft, stinging, constant pain that was careful of which parts to surgically slice into so it didn't leave much blood. 

Maya sighed, looking down at her lap. She knew she was a good actor but she was never one to brag about it even if she had every right to. She felt like all this newfound fame could disappear at any moment so she didn't want to get too attached to it. 

Hugh took one of her hands and squeezed it lightly. “You deserve all of this.” 

It was funny. How she believed it when it came from him out of all people. Not her mother nor her father and certainly not her sister. Though their support was nice and she appreciated it, it was expected. They had been cheering her on since her first home video. Arlo was the same. They'd been friends since they were kids. 

Hugh's support was different. They hadn't been friends for long, but they stuck like glue and he was content with being her crutch for a while as she got used to Hollywood and the trials and tribulations of it all. He even read lines with her for a few scripts Maya had been given. 

It was different when the person telling her she was talented was also talented. And had more time being in the spotlight than her. 

“Yeah,” She breathed softly, a light, lop-sided smile appearing on her lips. “I guess I do.” 

Hugh let out a slightly exasperated sigh. She was still uncertain but he supposed it was the best he was going to get out of her. He pulled her into a hug and pressed his chin on her shoulder. She immediately wrapped her arms around him in return. 

When he pulled away, he kept his arms around her and smiled. “I have a feeling your career is just starting.” And that this was only the start of their friendship, though he didn't voice that thought out loud. 

“Whatever you say, Hugh Jackman who has a Star on the Walk of Fame.” Maya teased in return. 

Although their names might appear underneath each other on the credits or besides each other on a poster, she couldn't fathom being on the same level of fame as him. Being bombarded nearly everywhere she went by fans or paparazzi? Absolutely not for her. Especially if she had kids? Oh, they would be punched. In her head, at least. 

Hugh laughed softly and shook his head. “Who knows? Maya Imik sounds like the perfect name to be put on a Star. It could happen.”

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

Whump fics have an audience, obviously, because all of us are here writing and reading it, but it's still a more limited appeal. Any advice for how to deal with discouragement when whump stories you're passionate about don't get any interaction?

I humbly think we’ll have to ask ourselves what the goal we hope will achieve is; do we write for notes and kudos, or do we write because it’s something we’re passionate about and so the act of writing alone brings us joy? this is a genuine question and either of these answers are valid.

I know a lot of us create for both the joy of doing what we love, and also for the validation of getting likes/reblogs/kudos and comments. and as someone who also writes, I understand how much seeing our works get the appreciation they deserve means.

but the thing is, it can also get discouraging when the work we put so much time and dedication into didn’t get as much love as it deserved. I know this is all so very cliche and is easier said than done, but if we really want to have fun in doing what we love, my advice would be that you do it for yourself, not for your followers. and the sooner we can truly accept this concept, the happier we’ll be.

do you get what I’m trying to say here? (because I’m not sure if it makes sense tbh), but long story short, don’t write for kudos or reblogs, write because this is something that you love. being able to do what you love is actually super cool.

sure, kudos and reblogs are amazing, but the sooner we can fully look at them as a bonus, not the main reason we create, the happier and more at peace we will be.

so it’s okay if our works get no interaction, because at the end of the day, we got to write them for ourselves.

repeat after me: I got to do what I love, which is enough. I’ll keep doing what I love because they’re a form of self care and I’m doing what I’m doing for me.

please don’t let the lack of interaction from the audience pull you away from the joy of creating the stories that you love. YOU should be the priority of your works. always.

[queermania]

(last reblog made me realize something but i didn't want to add it to the post or in the tags because it's spoilery if you've only seen up to s8)

there are a lot of reasons why cas' confession is so unsatisfying to me but one of the reasons i haven't been able to articulate until now is that it kind of.... undoes everything that preceded it? cas gives voice to the thing we've all been watching play out for twelve years and that should feel like a win, it should feel like relief, because happiness isn't in the having, it's in the just being, it's in the just saying, right? but, in saying it, cas removed the being part of it from everything that happened prior. cas' speech made it feel like we haven't been watching two people who are in queer love and who are very much in a queer relationship.

instead, we've been watching a guy secretly pining for another guy who may or may not have secretly loved him back. and that... is not true to the story i've been watching unfold? that only works if i accept the premise that the writers and the actors and the directors and the crew and the editors weren't actually telling a queer love story to the best of their ability the whole time. and i don't accept that! they were telling the story!! it was on purpose!!!

like, the reason dean's confession-prayer in purgatory is satisfying is because it doesn't undo anything that came before it.

Cas? Cas, I hope you can hear me… that wherever you are, it's not too late. I should've stopped you. You're my best friend, but I just let you go. 'Cause it was easier than admitting I was wrong. I-- Ohh. I don't know why I get so angry. I just know -- I know that it's -- i-it's just always been there. And when things go bad, it just -- it comes out. And I can't -- I can't stop it. No matter how -- how bad I want to, I just can't stop it. And -- and I-I forgive you. Of course I forgive you. I'm sorry it took me so long -- I'm sorry it took me till now to say it. Cas, I'm -- I'm so sorry. Man, I hope you can hear me. I hope you can hear me. Okay.

this is dean reiterating everything we as an audience already know because we've already seen it (dean wants cas there and he regrets letting him go and there is nothing cas could do that would make dean actually give up on him). if you replace "best friend" with literally anything else that effectively means "romantic partner" this still works. it doesn't change it at all. this is dean and cas. this is destiel. this is the story i've been watching since lazarus rising. maybe even the pilot.

contrast that with 15x18, however:

I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I wondered what it could be? What my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer because the one thing I want... It's something I know I can't have. But I think I know... I think I know now. Happiness isn't in the having, it's in just being. It's in just saying it . . . I know. I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive, and you're angry, and you're broken. You're "daddy's blunt instrument." And you think that hate and anger, that's... That's what drives you, that's who you are. It's not. And everyone who knows you see it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are. You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell... Knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack... I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean . . . I love you.

this is a different story. it changes everything. and, like, i think that was supposed to be the point, but unfortunately for me it is one of the reasons it doesn't work. why doesn't cas think he can have dean? is it simply because he thinks dean doesn't want him back?? is it because he thinks dean is straight?? like, the fact that i don't instinctively know the answer to that is a problem, and the reason i don't know the answer is because it doesn't jive with the show i've been watching for fifteen seasons. castiel's confession is the conclusion to a different show's run, one where they were actually queerbaiting the whole time and decided to throw the fans a bone at the very end.

but they weren't queerbaiting. they were writing textually queer characters with textually queer relationships.

and so a speech where cas is confessing to being in love with dean even though he thinks dean's straight doesn't really work at any point in the show's timeline for me.

and a speech where cas is confessing to being in love with dean even though he doesn't think dean loves him back in that way doesn't really work at any point past s12 for me, and even within s12 to be honest.

like, the narrative actively starts to fall apart in 13x01 if you don't take dean and cas being in love/in a relationship as a given, but even episodes like 12x10 and 12x19 imply something was already happening with them.

so. yeah.

[lover-of-mine]

Hey Anna,

I have a honest question for you I’ve been thinking about for a while and I think you’re the best one to answer it.

When Tommy came over to Bucks loft in 7x4 I genuinely thought they were going to have Tommy say something about how he didn’t mean to make Buck jealous and he’s not trying to steal (his) Bucks boyfriend from him. That would’ve been an effective way to have Buck question his sexuality and introduce buddie. I am really curious why they didn’t just do that?

What are your thoughts? Love your blog babe 😘

Hi love 🩷

Okay, so, they wanted to make episode 100 about a main character being queer. To effectively do that, they would have to make Buck kiss a guy. They couldn't make him kiss Eddie because it would've been out of nowhere and while I desperately want buddie canon, I don't want them to just smash them together because they can. Like, if they just wanted buddie to kiss on some capacity without an actual lead up, they would've made that happen in s6, I know fox was against Buck being bi but they could've implied something with the "ending" if they just wanted to say the got buddie together in the end. They did not, and since buddie is the one thing that was handled with care in the season, I'm tempted to believe they want to do them justice. Tommy is a device for Buck's bisexuality not buddie, those are separate things. I absolutely HATE the idea of Tommy, or any external person really, just coming up to Buck and saying "oh you have a thing for Eddie" that's explicitly. Buck's whole arc is about finding the answers himself, and in my opinion, making someone in that situation tell Buck this assumption to trigger buddie would be lazy. The goal of 704 was making it known that Buck is bisexual and they couldn't do that through Eddie with the episode they wrote, and the GA would only accept the bisexuality if Buck kissed a guy. There's also the way that I think that buddie is never gonna be unrequited, even if we get some canon pining from either side, I think it will only be after the audience is made aware at least that both parties are queer. To make 704 about buddie in the way you are saying, we would have to see Eddie acting like he has feelings for Buck enough for Tommy to make that assumption along with Buck being jealous in the way we see him. That's not something you can do in one episode imo. With the way things were you would have Buck being a cliche guy in love with his straight best friend because Eddie was dating Marisol, and I don't think they'll ever want to give the impression that buddie is impossible if that's where we're going. This is also why I believe the audience needs to be made aware of Eddie's feelings for Buck first, because 704 mimics the structure of 201, so the idea of Buck having a crush on Eddie at some point of their friendship already exists, so the next step imo is to make Eddie's feelings known for audience and kickstart the getting together arc.

You're thinking about the situation as someone who already believes Buck and Eddie are queer. You and me and all buddie shippers, we don't need convincing about them being queer. If s8 opened with them making out, we would not question it, but since we are talking about two characters who were not introduced as queer, you need to give the GA something to make this feel plausible, that wouldn't be the case of Tommy just saying "I'm not trying to steal your boyfriend" because the audience knew Eddie was dating Marisol, the audience also knew Buck had only dated women, the audience also knew that while Buck and Eddie are weird about each other, they are not explicitly put as romantic. It would be too much of a shock.

I also believe that Buck's bisexuality was a trial run of some sorts, walking Buck out of the bi thing if it had been poorly received by the majority of viewers is a lot easier than walking Buck out of being in love with Eddie, so if for some reason people didn't react well to him being bi, they could just introduce another pretty girl and call it a day without major consequences. Buck's bisexuality also stands on its own because Buck is incredibly popular and there aren't a lot of mainstream bi male characters, he creates conversation on his own, so again, if something went wrong, they could lean on that angle without having to worry about the ship. I think the goal was to make Buck's bisexuality exist outside of another person and that's why it wasn't about Eddie.

[doofnoof]

In Defense Of Mrs. Westenra:

This is going to sound absolutely insane, but I understand why Mrs. Westenra removed the garlic from Lucy's room, and think it was a genuine attempt at kindness rather than a selfish act done entirely foolishly, though regardless of her motives she's still doomed poor Lucy to death.

Let me explain: we're seeing some masterful use of dramatic irony here, I almost wish I could buy Bram Stoker a drink for how positively stunningly he's put the dramatic irony into motion, because it is absolutely sickening and heartwrenching knowing that Lucy is well and truly going to get even sicker and then die, because her mother removed the one thing protecting her from Dracula from her room.

We the audience are fully aware that this is a bad thing Mrs. Westenra has done, that she's doomed her daughter and is putting her directly in danger, that her smugness at the situation is so entirely misplaced that we want to scream and cry and curse and pull our hair out the way Van Hellsing did the instant she left the room, or the way Seward's anger is barely contained as he writes out today's entry. Bravo to the Re: Dracula cast for how downright upsetting this episode was, from hearing a usually silly man weep aloud to almost being able to see Seward's jaw clench from how he recounts what happened. You can almost imagine how Van Hellsing must have wept when his son died, as he loves Lucy as if she were his own daughter.

But here's the thing. Mrs. Westenra has been left out of the loop of what's happening with Lucy, she's unaware that Lucy knows she's sick, and with only a little time left she needs to get Lucy well enough to get married, so that when Mrs. Westenra inevitably dies Lucy is taken care of, she has enough money and a good enough reputation to get the care she needs when Mrs. Westenra can't try to provide it for her anymore. This is a very old-fashioned way of thinking, but Mrs. Westenra was raised in an old-fashioned time, likely when there was a cholera outbreak in London and the bad air theory first started to circulate, while Lucy is being raised in a new and (what must seem to Mrs. Westenra) frightening London, and old people are often set in their ways even now.

How many times have you, the audience, been told by a well-meaning older person in your life to "just hit the streets" when out looking for a job? They don't understand that times have changed, and it's easier to just nod and smile and say "sure thing, you're absolutely right Peepaw, I'll do just that" than to argue with them on it, because they're looking at the world through their lived experiences, the past, rather than how the world is currently.

Mrs. Westenra is also a disabled woman, she has a congenital heart disease that has only recently been fully diagnosed, and her life is slowly dwindling to an end, and she is watching helplessly as her daughter is sick with a disease no one seems able to cure. She has every right to be suspicious of Van Hellsing and Seward, because they can't and won't even tell her what's causing Lucy's illness, won't explain the garlic, and didn't even tell her they'd put garlic in her room.

Van Hellsing knows it's a vampire and can't fill anyone in on it, because that's supernatural hogwash, old-fashioned buffoonery, flying in the face of logic and science and everything the New London is striving for. Nobody would believe him anyways. Lucy thought the garlic was ridiculous, and even Seward himself felt as though Hellsing was being irrational (when Seward was Hellsing's student, and looked up to him as though he knew every secret in the world, but still questioned him on this one thing, fearing Hellsing was turning to Oujia Boards and Crystal Balls instead of Science and Logic,) and both only understood and accepted that Hellsing knew what he was doing from his intense and dead serious response to being questioned, and then seeing for themselves that Lucy had slept well, and had color in her cheeks again.

Mrs. Westenra saw none of this. She does not knows who Hellsing is, doesn't know that Lucy trusts him more than she trusts anyone else in the world save for Mina, and she doesn't know that he's helped Arthur save Lucy's life, nor does she know that Seward is in much the same boat, that he'd given his own blood and sleep and sanity for Lucy's sake out of love for her and his friendship with Arthur and Hellsing, who in turn trusts him with Lucy's health and safety.

Mrs. Westenra does know some things though. She knows that doctors, who rely on science and logic, weren't able to catch her heart problems in time to save her life, that she's dying and becoming rapidly unable to take care of her daughter, who is also sick with an illness doctors previously haven't been able to diagnose and treat. It went away on it's own, and came back again worse than ever before later in life, much like Mrs. Westenra's heart problem. This may seem foolish, but part of why I love Dracula is because every character feels like someone you might meet today, rather than a person almost 100 years ago.

How many times have we, the audience, heard of medical malpractice going unpunished and ignored, especially because the target of the malpractice was a woman? There must be at the very least a handful of you. I know from experience (personal and from being there for friends and family) what it's like to be told you're imagining your pain (in hysterics), you're being over-dramatic, (you're hysterical) it's just normal period pain and will go away (women and the constant fainting at the slightest pain, amiright fellas), have you tried losing weight, have you tried exercise and fresh air, have you tried eating this one diet or another, maybe it's all mental, go to this doctor or that and doing exactly as you're told only to be met with a door to the face, and if you're lucky, eventually getting diagnosed and maybe even given medicine for your ailments instead of just a bill and a smack on the ass. Mrs. Westenra finally got a clear answer for herself as it was revealed she's dying. Lucy has yet to get an answer.

So lets put all of this together. Mrs. Westenra is watching as strange men sneak around her home and into her daughter's room, she's just been diagnosed with a disease that is killing her and there's nothing the doctors can do to fix it, I doubt she trusts any doctors right now even though we the audience know she's dealing with a really wonderful doctor, even Mr. Medical Malpractice Warning himself is doing everything in his power to make Lucy well again, and for the first time since his introduction with his proposal to Lucy, he's putting logic aside to be kind to someone who is relying on him for help, promising to wake Lucy from her sleep if she has nightmares. Mrs. Westenra doesn't know this. She's going to die, her daughter is keeping secrets from her, and her saving grace is that Lucy is going to be married to a good and kind gentleman who will use his wealth to keep her relatively healthy seeing as Lucy is going to be his wife, and she can't have anyone making Lucy seem like an unchaste woman lest her plan falls apart and she's not able to make sure her daughter is wed and thus, safe. Mrs. Westenra knows that even gossip of Lucy sleeping around could make the whole thing fall apart, because Arthur has a reputation to uphold, and so does Lucy. Lucy is a new woman in a society where the old ways are dying or being reborn, and likely doesn't understand her mother's fears, knows that her friends would never hurt her, but that doesn't matter in the eyes of society because at the end of the day she is an unwed woman left alone with a man, a prior suitor no less. She walks into her daughters room and sees these men have left flowers everywhere, and worse is that they stink to high heavens.

Lucy seems better, but Mrs. Westenra has never gotten to see what Lucy looked like after Dracula fed on her, so to Mrs. Westenra these heavily scented flowers are going to look like something doing more harm than good. She knows from being raised in an old-fashioned society that fresh air does a lot of good, that's why Lucy went on that vacation with Mina, and she doesn't know how bad Lucy's sleepwalking got because everyone stopped telling her anything after they found out about her heart, at Lucy's behest no less. She feels like fresh air works, and these idiot doctors trained in the new ways (that have proven unhelpful, they couldn't save her could they, so how would they know what Lucy needs?) have gunked up her daughter's room and are inadvertently making her worse with the foul smelling flowers. Mrs. Westenra was probably alive as well when the cholera pandemic was in full swing and explained as being caused by bad air, and she can see her daughter is sick and wants to help her. So she takes the noxious flowers out of Lucy's room and opens the windows, and tries to get the men-folk to understand that they're no longer needed, not understanding herself that her attempt to rid the room of bad air has instead let what's keeping Lucy sick in rather than keeping it out, and by trying to protect Lucy from being preyed upon she has inadvertently let a very evil thing who is going to prey on Lucy in every meaning of the word into her room, where she should have been safe.

She doesn't know she's in a horror novel, and she only has what she can see as evidence. She made the wrong choice because she loves her daughter and is trying to take care of her, even though she's failing miserably because she's applying a bandaid to a burn wound, so to speak. Right now many people hate Mrs. Westenra for her smug attitude and for letting something evil hurt her daughter, for undoing all the hard work Seward and Hellsing have given up sleep and blood for, but I think it's a little unfounded. She's an old fashioned woman in a new world, doing her best for her daughter's sake, and it's not her fault she doesn't know all of the details, and she can't know the details because it will kill her and possibly make Lucy's situation even more dire.

That's what makes Lucy's death so tragic. To save Lucy they'd need to scare Mrs. Westenra and she would die, which would affect Lucy horribly and more than likely kill her as well. If Lucy dies Mrs. Westenra will follow suit. So they have to keep both alive, and that can't happen as long as Dracula has his sights set on Lucy. It's dramatic irony because only we know that it's Dracula, that the garlic helps, that the supernatural is real, that Dracula is a thinking thing that intends to kill Lucy. Van Hellsing can't tell Seward what's killing Lucy, and even if Seward believed Hellsing, he would never be able to tell the Westenras because their health is caught in such a fragile balancing act, and they'd never believe either of them anyways. The only thing that could save Lucy is Jonathan, and he comes back to London far too late, half out of his mind and trying desperately to live the life he'd always wanted with his new wife.

It makes the scene where Dracula well and truly fucks up by feeding on Mina that much more powerful, because Dracula doesn't understand nor realize that Jonathan will kill him for doing to Mina what he had done to Jonathan, and the Harker's friends, Lucy's suitors, experienced firsthand the suffering of losing someone they love more than life itself. Lucy had to die for Dracula to be vanquished. Lucy's mother had to make the bad decision so the story could end with Dracula's death.

Without her death, Lucy's Polycule wouldn't have had the push they needed to band together for the Harkers (who get to have what Lucy lost. Lucy and Arthur could have been married happily, so entirely in love, and seeing as Seward and Quincey both almost had that with Lucy had they not been rejected and are Arthur's closest and most trusted friends, all of them suffering in unison because of Lucy's death, Lucy is the piece that ties everyone together. Everyone in Dracula loves Lucy. The polycule knows what it's like to lose the love of their lives, and they see Dracula trying to put Jonathan through that same suffering, they see Dracula hurting Mina who Lucy arguably loved the most out of any one of them, and decide they can't let it happen ever again.)

[polyamorousmood]

My partner and I have been together for over five years and had talked about being open to polyamory since the beginning. We've been actively polyamorous for almost two years now, and it's getting to the point where I will have to open up about this side of my life to my family and I don't know how to do that without causing possible issues (they can be old fashioned, but aren't like super religious). I would love to hear advise on how to handle this, or hear people's stories about how it went when they shared this with their families. Thank you!

I've never had any reason to tell my family I'm poly, and never will without good reason. But I will throw in my two cents ¢ (which inevitably turns into a dollar 💲).

In no particular order:

You set the tone😨🤹. Don't forget this. You can play it off as kidding if you set it up that way or you can make this a "I am willing to never talk to you again if you're a dick" thing if you set it up that way. You decide if its A Formal Talk or if you're just kissing someone on the cheek and they get to figure out what tf that means or if you're inviting them to celebrate with you.

You control the informationℹ️. Decide what details you'd like for them to know. You can even lie to them about some parts if it will make the conversation go down easier for them. This might sound sleazy, but depending on how much shit you expect them to dish, might be smart.

Tailor your speech to your audience🗣️. Idk your situation, but certain framings will work better for different types of people. Some can come around to the idea with education, others will use more information as more ways to hurt you; some family members may care about your happiness above all and come to accept it through that lens, some may need to understand it, some may be most open to it if they can relate it to a familiar concept, etc. Some want these comversations in private, some will only keep themselves in check from the social pressure of making a scene. You'd know better than I would what that looks like for them.

Starting with the safest/most open person could be a good way to test the waters. If they take it well, you can have someone on your side to tell the others, and if they take it poorly, you can re-evaluate how you want to handle things.

Genie can't go back in the bottle🧞. Once they know, they'll always know. The only way to maybe work around this is to make it out to be "just a phase" and make sure only one partner is ever mentioned to them again. Which means I recommend figuring out your line in the sand for how much BS you're willing to put up from them ahead of time. Its hard to consider what you would do if they took it really badly, but its hedging your bets for a familiar broken heart.

This is a personal preference, but I'm a fan of dropping details casually and when you're going to be leaving soon. Its conflict avoidant. It gives them time to chew on it without you having to be there "did they really mean that? If they did how are our grandchildren going to be raised? They were kidding. But if they weren't--" you get the idea. And they can run through all that and only bother you with the most important questions next time. It seems to me easier on others because they're not sure its true yet. They can toy with what the idea means without all the wight of My Child Is Coming Out To Me, if that makes sense? Will NOT work on everyone, but worth a consider imho.

[sporco-filth]

I've been thinking of doing this for a while and I guess here it is: a series on how to write slob stories. I'll go through things in a sort of order that kind of follows how I do things. Without further ado:

How to Write: Plots

I'd say there are a few main flavours of slob stories:

Corruption (becoming a slob, caused by an external force)

Letting go (becoming a slob because they let themselves relax)

Slice of life (character is already a slob and it's just a day in the life)

Reversed values (where being a slob is seen as a virtue)

Slob education (someone is taught how to be a slob)

Forbidden desires (character wants to be a slob/loves a slob but society prevents them)

Humiliation (character is mocked for being a slob or punished by becoming one)

They overlap, but in general they can be split into these groupings. All of them play on the themes of transformation, the taboo/sinfulness of slob or the pleasure/freedom of slob.

The other thing to consider is dominance/submission aspects. This power play stuff can also alter the story. The intricacies of the power dynamics are what separate corruption and education stories: in the former, there's a lack of consent, or a pressuring, while in the latter there's an element of respect built on trust and it's something undergone willingly with full understanding.

I actually don't have much advice for plot ideas because 75% of my ideas come to me from the aether and 25% from my audience. If anything, it's the easiest part.

A good thing to consider is the concept of orientation, conflict, resolution: you introduce the characters, a problem arises and then it gets resolved. Most of my stories have the conflict be a character's reluctance to be a slob and the resolution is their mindset change.

The main conflict might carry through the whole story, but each chapter often has its own rising conflict and mini resolution, even if it is as simple as Lee in Slob City trying to work out what to do with his rubbish.

A story without conflict can feel meandering and boring. You also need to make sure the resolution has enough time too: if there's a big problem and it's fixed in a sentence, it feels anticlimactic.

All things (music, writing, sex, eating, etc) derive pleasure from tension and resolution. For example, in Slob City it's Lee's teetering desire that provides the tension: we know he's going to become a slob eventually, we're just waiting for the tipping point. Once it finally arrives, we have a moment of tension where we wonder how he will react, and then there's the final resolution where he accepts it fully. But that whole scene, even though it has tension, is part of the resolution. Resolution is both a section of the story (the part where the problem is fixed) and the emotion of relieving tension (which can happen whenever, not just the very end).

Sometimes a lack of resolution is a decent choice too. It may leave the audience unsatisfied, but sometimes leaving a bit of mystery or tension is interesting. Cliffhangers are a simple example but it's also possible to end a story without a resolution (a particularly famous one I know is Picnic at Hanging Rock which is a splendid novel if you like reading stuff other than slob fiction. It's also a decent film but I like the book more).

Having a conflict in mind and working towards it makes writing easier. I typically write as if I'm driving a car and I know where my destination is, and maybe a few places I want to stop by along the way, but the exact route I make up as I go. I can take detours, but as long as I don't go too far off the course and make sure I still end up at my goal, things are good. The resolution typically follows easily on from the conflict.

Also, you can use other people's ideas. It's not illegal. Just don't make a carbon copy of the story: if you're going to explore an idea someone else already used, you need to bring something new to the table otherwise there's no point to it. Like, change the characters' personalities or roles, or change the viewpoint. (by this I should note I don't mean using the names and everything (unless you ask first, just because some people are fussy (I'm not btw, do whatever you want with my characters)) I just mean you can reuse the types of characters).

One other thing I can say: I like to plan stories (if I do plan them, because a lot of the time I don't) by just writing dot points describing everything that will happen. You skip details you haven't decided on and you go into extreme specifics when you know exactly what you'll do, but you just write all the ideas down in chronological order.

A fun sort of practice exercise you can do is to come up with a basic plot. Start with a theme or main idea based on something that turns you on, what type of slob story you want it to be, and then think of what issues could result from it. Even a day in the life story can have problems: even something as mundane as a slob not being able to reach the remote could make for a funny (and hot) story if you play it right. Which leads to the last step: think about how the story will be resolved. How has the status quo introduced at the beginning changed, or have you gone back to the status quo ante?

There is no right choice when it comes to writing, but there are wrong choices. Plotting is when this is most important.

Next up: how to come up with characters for your story.

[alarrytale]

Hi Marte. Do you think it is harder for male popstars and actors to CO than female popstars and actresses? Because fans of female popstars and actresses are mostly gay men and straight women but fans of male popstars and actors are mostly straight women who sexualize and fantasize about them. Billie CO hasn't impacted her career at all because she doesn't have a thirsty audience but it would impact Harry and Shawn's right? Due to having a female audience who fantasize about sleeping with them. Well Ricky Martin managed to do it but he waited until later in his career. I hope we don't have to wait that long! How would a male artist go about CO if he has a female audience? Do you think it's possible? I'm talking gay male artists by the way, not bi. Bi it would be easier to CO as straight women will stick around.

Hi, anon!

I agree with you that it's harder for gay male popstars and actors to come out because of their target audience. For gay male popstars, coming out will kill the fantasy and het women will lose their chance to project their wants, needs and use them for their heterosexual exploration. For gay male actors they will maybe lose the chance to play het romantic roles and action movies, or other hyper-masculine roles that het males project onto. They're afraid they'll loose het male respect and recognition.

It's totally doable to come out to a female audience as a gay popstar. Like gay men love popstars like Lady Gaga, Madonna and Beyoncé, female heterosexual women love gay men the same! There are plenty of straight women who are larries, plenty of straight women who read gay fan fiction, and plenty of older women screaming about Elton Johns flamboyant outfits.

Gay men can still be fashion icons, trendsetters, influencers and role models to women when they come out. Even if they can't deliver on het female fantasies anymore. Gay men are more relateable to women, less misogynistic, feminists and more supportive and understanding of females than straight men are. Women might not want you anymore, they now want to be you. They still want to know who you're dating (is he hot), which celebrity friends you hang out with, what brand you're wearing and what festival you're playing next.

If Harry (and Louis) start to age up and act their age, they will stop attracting so many teenagers as fans and continue keeping fans their own age, and grow and older fanbase. Most people will stop projecting their sexual fantasies onto celebrities when they grow up (or at least realise that you won't marry them). When you've been around as an artist on top of world for a decade, your fans will also have grown loyal to you. They won't stop buying your music or going to your concerts because you come out as gay. People will have grown up alongside you, you're a part of their childhood and you will always have a place in their hearts. You can’t love someone so much for so long and reject them just because they come out. You can still attract teenagers as fans, but they will be fans for other reasons than you being someone to project onto. Teens love the cast of Heartstopper, Young Royals and RWRB for example. As long as you stay relatable, iconic, cool, inventive and explorative, and be someone to admire and look up to, you'll be fine.

If the coming out is done right, slowly and by seeding, your fans will get the picture and start rooting for you to come out. They won't be taken off guard and will come to accept it, little by little. Boil the frog. I also don't believe going from a straight image to totally changing up everything to exaggeratedly show off your queerness is the right way to go in order to keep your longtime straight fans loyal and supportive (i'm looking at you jojo siwa and sam smith...). If finally being free and doing whatever you want is your main goal, then by all means. But if you still want to maintain your fanbase and level of fame, then don't change everything up and make the artist your fans know and love totally unrecognisable to them. It's too much. Don't do a personality transplant. Show that you are still you. That basically means still catering to heterosexual women. They are still your biggest target audience. You will automatically now also appeal and cater to queer people. I think that's a good way to do it. With time and more acceptance, you'll be able to be more and more your authentic self and self express the way you wish. Your fans will have gotten used to it and not notice it. Boil the frog.

[sabrecrane]

Where to publish your books

Here we go, I'm on a roll here! So there are two ways to go about getting your books published. One of them is traditional publishing and the other is self-publishing. What's the difference? Well, I'm here to help you decide or at least get a better idea of which route you wanna go down so let's get to it!

Traditional Publishing -- What it is and the ups and downs

Traditional publishing is the most famous option to go for. I'm not too sure on the process completely myself but from what I understand and have researched, you find a publishing house and email them. After a bit of back and forth they either accept your manuscript or deny it. Being rejected is a very common thing in the writing industry so please don't get demotivated as it has happened to many famous authors!

So let's say your manuscript gets accepted. Awesome, that's one problem out the way. The publishing house will work closely with you, designers and editors to get your book out there. They will handle mostly everything although you may have to chip in here and there to promote it and when it is out there you'll obviously have to do book signings and whatnot. Before deciding to go down this route you need to be aware of a few things.

A percentage will be taken out of the profit to pay for the work the publishing house has put into making your book a reality.

Publishing houses have rules. Some are less picky than others. This means that characters may be changed, you may not get a choice when it comes to covers, summaries, etc. So pick your publishing house carefully and remember this is still your work.

Now there is one more thing I want to bring awareness too. I'm not sure how likely this is but I have heard of it happening before, I think from one of my classes? Take this small warning with a grain of salt. If your book is targeted at a specific audience but the publishing houses believe the topics discussed are too dark or too controversial, they may ask you to change it or remove it completely.

In conclusion, traditional publishing IS cheaper and it'll be easier to get your book out BUT are you willing to change some aspects of your book?

Self-Publishing -- What it is and the ups and downs

A method I have decided to go with for now at least. This method is a lot more work, a lot more promoting, a lot more expensive (but also could be cheap, depending on what your plan is) and you will have to edit yourself or hire an editor (which could be expensive). So what's the benefits of going through this route? Well, this I'm able to talk confidently about more.

Let me share with you my plan for going down this route. I am personally using an app called Inkitt and have joined TikTok, this app, and several discord servers to both promote my book and hopefully gain profit from TikTok to hire an editor. I love my characters, my world, everything, and I'd prefer to have complete creative control over it all.

Inkitt is a self-publishing app, small company, similar to Wattpad. They have another app that is called Galatea and they transfer stories from Inkitt to that app so authors can get paid. Both apps are brilliant and you can develop an audience before its moved to Galatea. On Inkitt you can also run experiments for summaries, book covers, etc, to see what your audience prefers. Allow me to share a visual example:

The downside is there's a lot of competition but at the same time that's a plus because, to let the developers of Inkitt know what's gaining traction, they have added a 'collected data' section at the very bottom of the 'Analytics' tab. Once that reaches 100%, your book will be passed over to Galatea and you'll work alongside editors. I believe you also keep all profit but I may be incorrect on that one.

I know I'm rambling a lot about this app but bear with me here because there are so many benefits on this app. While you're still creating on Inkitt you can still earn money through subscribers. On each tier you can add benefits to subscribing such as exclusive artwork, content, etc. You can also lock certain books to specific tiers, give early access to chapters for subscribers, etc.

Now going back to the analytics section of this app. Not only can you see how many people are reading each chapter, but there's also graphs to see binge rate and you can even see countries people are reading from. You can also see if you're hitting the right target audience!

While there are so many benefits to self publishing there are also downsides. The obvious ones being profit, having to promote yourself, edit yourself, and having no one to look over your work to check for any plot holes you have missed. But at the same time this means that you can work with other self publishers and read each other's work, building a small community almost which you wouldn't really get with traditional publishing.

Enough about Inkitt. You could also use Amazon KDP and Wattpad. I haven't used the second one in years but do be aware there are lots of ads which drove me away from the app in the first place. Amazon KDP is great but make sure you have your book covers and stuff ready!

[kandismon]

Do you have any tips for those who wish to create a webcomic?

I do apologize if this has been asked before!

this is a pretty big question that would probably be easier to answer if you had any specific things you'd like to know about!

but i can give you a summary of general things i've learned over the years!

disclaimer: these are my personal experiences, if any of this sounds like something that doesn't fit your workflow or preferences, please disregard!

if you've never made a webcomic before, i would personally recommend starting small. do a short oneshot first to see how it feels instead of diving right into your multi-season 2000 pages big epic story, because i feel like the workload can get really overwhelming really fast if you go from 0 to 100 right away. some creators thrive on that but it was definitely not for me. i have a lot of failed and unfinished projects sitting around because i was too ambitious and didn't know what i was getting myself into. later on i started drawing short comics for various fandoms & ships i was invested in deeply, and those got progressively longer until i suddenly felt ready to seriously tackle one of my original stories again. which was when i finally started working on #MUTED!

don't worry about sticking to the strict 60+ panels weekly schedule that you see a lot on platforms like webtoon for example. unless you've signed a contract, you make the rules and decide how much and how often you post. i've seen a lot of creators burn themselves out over that when there really wasn't any need because no one was forcing or paying them to churn out so much all the time T -T) you can still find an audience and success with a slower pace (for example #MUTED was released with 2 episodes a month, 1 ep usually had around 20ish panels iirc)

finished is better than perfect. if you're a perfectionist this can be difficult to accept, but i promise most people won't look at your panels for longer than 1.5 seconds. some wonky lines here and there don't matter much, it's more important to get the feelings across imho.

vector layers (for inking) are your best friend \o/

imho having a pretty clear outline for your story can be really helpful and take away some stress, knowing where the story is going without having to constantly sit down inbetween chapters to come up with more plot is a blessing and i wish i had been better about doing that with #MUTED. i did have a rough outline but a lot of holes in between chapters and in the end some things i would have liked to explore more never got touched on because my planning was bad and i wasn't able to find the room in the story (like some emma back story, more about jasper's family dynamics, also a bit more of a deep dive into kai's relationship with his family) (also towards the end i felt pretty burned out and just wanted to move on haha) [i'm not saying to plan every scene right from the get go, there's always room to adjust and remove or add stuff while you're working on the project, but a few important anker points here and there are important, at least for me!]

shortcuts are also your best friend, use all of them. 3d models too!

when you start publishing, don't get discouraged by algorithms and statistics and numbers (i say as that's something i still struggle with daily LOL), agonising over these things is pointless because they're mostly out of your control, focus on things you can actively do to be proud of your work. also instead of comparing yourself to others, instead compare yourself to past you! look how far you've come compared to the you from last year :>

i hope any of this helps, sorry for rambling lol if there's ever any specific questions, my asks are always open and i'll do my best to try and help out!! i'm also still learning and don't consider myself to be a person who really has anything to teach to anyone, but i can share my progress and experiences and hype you up if needed, hehe

good luck with your comic!!