#because if YOU know what you're doing than the audience will accept it easier

[onehundredandeleventropicalfish]

so i keep referencing the What Broke Delirium essay i plan to write but never actually writing it, so let's dig into that one!

because. sandman does not spoonfeed information. neil gaiman even said this in regards to the tv show, most shows are written these days under the assumption that audiences aren't really paying attention and need things spelled out for them - but sandman is not one of those shows. you gotta notice everything to get the full story

which honestly i love in many ways because it's part of why i'm never gonna run out of sandman essays to write - every time i reread the comics or rewatch the show i catch something new

and this is one of the first hidden bits of info i caught - remember this spread from overture?

it's a fucking gorgeous page and one of my favourite in the entire sandman run, both for the pretty art and the content itself (i love delirium SO much)

but let's just zoom in on the center of those flowers for a sec

because there's tiny tiny text written inside them

(for anyone who can't parse that, the first says "delight was sad", the second says "delight went mad")

now i've mentioned in many of my posts before that the endless all struggle to experience their own aspect, they are that thing, it exists for the most part out of their reach, and that causes problems for all of them

but i usually leave delirium out of these explanations

and that's because, for whatever reason, delirium is the opposite. and delight was too. i don't know what it is that makes her different, but while her older siblings all seem to be barred from their own domain by nature (or have to go to great lengths to experience it), del is too much of it. she's utterly absorbed by it. and while i think she's learned over the centuries how to be a bit more flexible (she understands the coins have two sides thing better than any of them, and can be lucid when she needs to), she didn't start out that way

we don't know what it is exactly that broke her. but we know why.

she had spent all of her life as the personification of happiness and joy, and someone who embodied those emotions. she appeared most as a little kid as delight, because kids definitely find it a lot easier to stay in that perpetually excited, happy mindset

but nothing stays that way forever. and this is where she is like her siblings, and why she's so familiar with the coin metaphor - when you're missing a fundamental piece of being human (either by being barred from your aspect or by being absorbed by it), that's not sustainable. it will tear you apart. dream refuses to accept that this is the case, and that breaks him. desire is equally stubborn about it, and they've outright admitted (in narration) that they're hanging on by a fucking thread

but death figured it out, when she realised she couldn't fulfill her function properly without learning what it was like to live. destruction figured it out when he ran away to go create. and delirium figured it out the hard way, because as soon as the world got a little too big for her singular aspect to make sense, it shattered

and it shattered slowly

there may have been some form of inciting incident, but she didn't become delirium overnight. i think a lot about her describing it as "growing up, or at least growing older", because that's both a very mature way to look at it and also an extremely tragic way to look at it, the idea that she knows too much, is never going to see the world the same way again, and that means delight is never coming back

(and that realisation is when she stopped presenting as a child and started presenting as a teenager)

and i think for a while, early days of being delirium, not delight, she didn't know what to do with that. delight broke into scattered pieces and the more fell away the harder it became to connect them

but she's also the only one of her siblings who's picked herself up from that. and it's why she's the wisest of them. because from there she learned

okay, so her innocence is gone. so delight isn't coming back. but there's still parts of her around, if delirium ever needs them. and the more she observes about the world, the more she experiences, the more different pieces she gets to add to the puzzle. they don't fit together, but that's del's real strength - they're not supposed to. she could have tried to reassemble herself piece by piece, like gluing together a broken statue, but why would she do that? then she'd be exactly as breakable as before, if not more so

instead she's more of a floating amalgamation of pieces, or rather, she's the ties between them. and because there's no set puzzle, she can put those pieces together in any order. she's no longer susceptible to the same problems as her siblings, because she's not missing anything anymore. she didn't lose parts of herself when becoming delirium, she gained some

and yes, no one is entirely without flaw - her downside is she's still susceptible to strong emotion, and when that overwhelms her mind she stops being any kind of person, we just see that floating amalgamation, until she can calm down. but that's the worst of it. her siblings may see her as broken, but she's more whole than she ever was as delight. and she's never going to break again

[separatist-apologist]

Hey MB<3 I just keep rereading your fics over and over and they hit everytime (like seriously they itch every scratch in my brain), but just wondering, do u have any elucien fics on your tbr rn, or recent ones that you recommend? I'm mostly looking for canon compliant bc that is crack to me but im not too picky, just looking for recs!

I ANSWERED THE WRONG ASK god kill me right now

You're so sweet. Sorry it took me so long to write this- I wanted to put together a good mix. I hope you like them- these are just one's I've read, there are more on @elucienweekofficials list of multi-chapter fics set in canon, too!

This is long so I put it beneath a cut. I tried to mix on-going fics with completed fics and not recommend the same ones I always do. If anyone finds this list helpful, be better than me and leave a review

I Believe The Word You're Looking For Is Friends by @kingofsummer93

Elain Archeron and Lucien Vanserra are haunted by ghosts of their past, unable to move forward, unsure where they belong.

Together they come to an agreement. He'll teach her everything he knows about Prythian. He'll take her anywhere she wants to go.

In return, maybe she can just stop slapping him so much.

All You Have Is Your Fire by @clockwork-ashes

'I can hear your heart beating through the stone.' For the briefest of moments, Lucien wondered if his mate would know exactly when his heart’s steady rhythm came to a sudden stop.

Elain goes to the Autumn Court demanding an audience with the High Lord to save the mate she can barely stand to be in the same room with. She ends up having to stay much longer than she bargained for.

What If I Told You I'm Back by climbingmountains

Come one, come all, it's happening again…Elain and Azriel have been married for ten years. Koschei is defeated, their family is at peace. And if she feels a hollow ache of something every once in a while, that’s just the price one pays for love and duty.

Until she comes home one day to the news that her husband has a mating bond of his own.

OR: I listened to nothing but The Tortured Poets Department for over a month and had a lot of angst to release.

Mockingbird by @avabrynne

After Lucien reluctantly agrees to meet with Eris, he’s shocked when his brother reveals his biggest secret: he has eight-year-old twin daughters. Unwilling to entrust them to anyone else and with Beron's gaze on him more intense than ever, Eris has Lucien swear to protect the girls and take them with him.

When it becomes clear they can’t stay in the human lands even when glamoured to look human, Lucien turns to the Night Court. While it’s easier to handle outbursts of young magic there, Lucien needs help. Enter Elain, who bonded quickly with the twins after their arrival. On top of everything else, Lucien and Elain start to navigate their bond while also finding out a few more secrets, like who Lucien’s actual father is. It's an Autumn and Day Court family drama Elucien and ErisxOC fic!

ACOWAR (Eluciens edition) by @crazy-ache

One moment. All it takes is one singular moment to change the trajectory of fate. Following the events of Hybern, everything changes when Lucien instinctively grabs his mate—Elain Archeron—and brings her back to the Spring Court with Feyre and Tamlin.

In the midst of war and ruin, Elain and Lucien will have to face the bond that connects them together if they hope to survive the unintended consequences. To do so, they’ll have to prevail through games of deceit, powerful forces of magic, and deadly enemies. And hope their hearts survive the journey.

A retelling of A Court of Wings and Ruin (ACOWAR) and a Canon Divergent AU.

A Court of Ash and Sunlight by aturner1205

“I know you’d rather not get help from me. I know you’ve rejected our mating bond and I’ve accepted that. But I still want to make sure you’re safe.”

Her heart twisted in its cage, filling her whole body with icy tears that would not spill.

Tell him. He deserves to know the truth. Tell him.

And because this time the voice inside was hers, because it was strong and clear and right, she did.

“I haven’t rejected the mating bond with you, Lucien,” she said quietly, her chest pounding so loud she could hardly hear the words. “But I think I damaged it, because—because I’ve never felt it.”

The Scenic Route by @bonecarversbestie

Elain grows discontent with her role in the Night Court as she grapples with grief for her human life and powers that she does not fully understand. One evening she accidentally winnows to Lucien's doorstep and he agrees to take her back to Velaris via the scenic route.

Can I Be Close To You by @temperedink

Elain and Lucien have been feeling out their tentative new relationship for a while, and Elain is getting antsy about the slow pace she's set for them. But maybe it's time to take things to the next level.

Set a few years post-ACOSF.

Oceans Apart (Never) by angryramen

Living in the Day-Court with her mate seemed like a damning at first. But slowly Elain started to enjoy Lucien’s company. They conversed together in the Day-Court gardens and slowly became friends. He even promised to charter a ship to take her to the continent, somewhere she’d always wanted to go. But when the time comes to say goodbye…

The Heirs of Fall and Flame by arosebetweenthorns

Eris Vanserra has always been a complicated male. Born as the first son to a tyrant of a High Lord, he was raised on cruelty, learning never to reveal weaknesses. But as Eris' allegiances to his father's court are questioned, his loyalties forming with those across borders, he realises enemies in his own court - especially his father - may be too difficult for him to keep at bay, especially when he inadvertently sets his father's sights onto his youngest brother. Then there's Rhysand's Inner Circle to contend with - one particular shadowsinger that Eris can't seem to avoid... but does he even want to? --- Lucien Vanserra always thought his suffering at the Autumn Court's hands was behind him. But when his father shows a vested interest in him years after banishing him, it's clear he will have to fight to keep the fragile peace he's built himself. All Lucien wants is to be with Elain and begin a life of his own, but when Elain's life is threatened by his father, Lucien learns just how much he has to learn before life can truly begin.

This is a direct continuation of the events of ACOSF. Joint POV of Eris and Lucien.

A Court of Breaking by @aldbooks

A year after the events of A Breaking, Elain feels a tug on the bond and realizes her estranged mate is in danger. Lucien, now returned to the Night Court, wonders if he might have been too hasty in his decision to leave, and if there might still be a chance for him with his mate

Summer Heat by @zenkindoflove

Lucien nodded his head, looking for any cue that he was dismissed. “Got it. Keep everyone in line and try not to make an ass of myself in front of my mate. I’ll see what I can do.”

Summer Court is hosting the Summer Solstice Summit and the Night Court is sending their best emissaries to attend. It will be Elain's first time mingling in another court, and it's a good thing she has an expert guiding her: the mate she's been ignoring for the last two years.

Meanwhile, Eris has been sent to the summit to spy on Summer's developments. What he doesn't anticipate is entangling in a steamy, forbidden romance.

Post-ACOSF, Elucien, Eris x OC, Multi-chapter.

Healer In The Night by @infinitefolklore

Lucien has been away on the continent on a mission. No one has heard from him in over two months. Elain is worried. On a dark and stromy night, he shows up bloody on her doorstep. Elain nurses him back to health.

The Luck Of The Draw by @sad-scarred-sassy

Elain Archeron is determined to end her unwanted mating bond with Lucien Vanserra. She has resigned herself to a loveless life, convinced she will never be able to experience true love without the fabricated weight of an assigned mate.

Her plans take a sharp turn when her mate arrives with a proposition to accompany him on a mission to a foreign court. When no one else believes her capable of succeeding Elain decides to prove to herself and others that she is not as hopeless as everyone else thought.

Only this will mean she will have to face him, and with that all that she has sworn off, battling between not knowing where the mating bond's influence ends and where her true feelings begin.

[queenofthearchipelago]

I feel like the reason some people in the fandom chose to look at the final fifteen in this sort of "I'm team Aziraphale / anti-Crowley" or "I'm team Crowley / anti-Aziraphale" kind of way is because they forget that Crowley and Aziraphale are literally two sides of the same coin.

And everyone either relates more to one side or the other. For me, I relate to Crowley more. I understand him easier. When the final fifteen came, nothing he said confused me or caught me off guard. I gasped and screamed, sure. But I didn't need to analyze his words the way I needed to analyze Aziraphale's.

Does that mean I'm saying I don't relate to Aziraphale at all? No. Honestly, the more I think about Aziraphale, the more I see myself in him too. It's just that the bits of Aziraphale I relate to are either bits of myself that are harder to see, or bits of myself I don't like.

And so when I watch the final fifteen as a separate person, not part of the coin, I relate to one side more than the other (I relate to both sides equally but it's hard to accept that sometimes.) But I also have to be honest with myself.

If I weren't just the audience, would I be Aziraphale or Crowley?

Would I be Crowley, not letting myself back into a toxic relationship that hurt me? Would I want to run and yell at the sky so that they couldn't find me anymore? Would I want to just allow myself the life where I could have one good thing I've found in the entire universe?

Or would I be Aziraphale? Would I allow myself to be convinced (or manipulated) into going back to a place that hurt me? Or, depending on your theory, would I go back into the lion's den and try to change the system that oppresses me? Would I want to make the world a better place for the person I loved most, even if it was dangerous? Even if they began to hate me for it? (Not that I think Crowley hates him, but what does Aziraphale think that Crowley thinks of him?)

I know myself enough to know that I'm Crowley. I wanna run. I'm scared and I love you and we can be safe if we just keep going forward. Why are you asking me to go back there? To them? You know what they did! You're enough for me, everything to me, why are you chosing them over just allowing yourself to have me?

There's a bit of me that's Aziraphale. A bit of me that would go back, if I truly thought I could fix it. If I was the better manipulator.

But I think not everyone can do that, they see themselves in one OR the other. They take sides because they can't see both sides. And honestly maybe that's part of the point of Heaven and Hell in the show in the first place. They don't see the value of the other side. The merits, the thoughtfulness. The shades of grey of it all.

Maybe most people who are anti Aziraphale can't relate to that desperate tone Michael Sheen chose to use when he said that Heaven is the side of good. Can't relate to desperately needing to hope that this place you come from is still somehow good at the core. Because how could you come from corruption?

And maybe most people who are completely obliterating Crowley's character in the tags don't relate to the bursting need to just be free of the things that hold you back from every good thing you've ever wanted for yourself.

I see myself in both. I've been there. I'd be Crowley out of the two of them. But I see Aziraphale now. The more I think of him the more I understand him.

As much as I ask questions (so many questions) that get me in trouble, I also refuse to ask them out loud for the same reason.

I have people in my life who think I have this incredible capacity to think everything through. Every possible avenue of consideration. And I also have people in my life who get frustrated with me for not thinking hard enough or fast enough.

I have made some difficult decisions on what was good and what was right and made my choice that I would do what I thought was right over what I was raised to think was good. And I also made some of those decisions in complete agonizing secret.

The true ending for good omens 2 is realizing for yourself, however you get there, that you (yes, YOU) are both of them.

As David and Michael said in the interviews, Aziraphale and Crowley are fascinated and completely infuriated by the other. Because they're so different. Because they're so similar. And if you don't feel the same way yet, relating to one, and being amazed at how you relate to the other. Being fascinated and infuriated by it, then you just haven't reached the end yet.

When I rewatch the very ending of the season these days, I don't see a demon, completely in love with an angel who is leaving him. I see myself watching myself do something I would never do. Except I would do it. I wouldn't, I'd never. And yet I would. And I watch myself get in the car and drive away from the version of me that did.

[touyas-multi-purpose-saline]

DAY XXVIII. — DACRYPHILIA

cw: Dacryphilia, Post-MHA, Unhealthy Relationships, Mentions of Past Abuse / Manipulation / Violence, Gross Descriptions of Bodily Fluids, Vomit, Begging, Yandere Undertones, Mind-Broken Behavior, Dub-Con, Uncomfortable Scenarios, General Dark Content Not Suitable for Immature Audiences, Fem! Reader. Reader discretion is advised. 18+ Only!

author's note: Oh, yes. I definitely enjoy Post-MHA Overhaul. It really reveals his true character, in my opinion. It goes to show everything was a persona and that he's never had a chance to be a true him. I do not condone unhealthy behavior in any sense! This is strictly fiction! Do not force yourself to read if you're uncomfortable.

word count: Approximately 1.2k words.

Part of you starts to wonder what you ever did to deserve a fate like this. 

There’s an inkling of a memory, but it’s so faint, and you try to wink it out of your mind. You were in the wrong place, wrong time, meddled in business that wasn’t yours to begin with because you assumed there was some injustice happening, and then your life was forever altered. You were sent spiraling down a path away from humanity so far that you couldn’t even turn back around, the tide too strong, impossible to beat the oars to shift around, and you’ll keep sinking into heavy white caps. The horrors that you had seen, the times you were strapped down and helpless, the explosions of men who took the wrong step, crumbling dirt, the crying from a little girl that you couldn’t do anything but walk away from, a lock that clicked, the final chord to your freedom as your bedroom door closed. 

Maybe you should have fought back harder. Maybe you should have just lunged forward, teeth and claws bared, and ripped into whatever you could snag. Maybe you should have struggled until death cinched down your throat. Maybe you should have found a way to get yourself killed. 

That’s what you did to deserve a fate like this—you stood around uselessly, frozen and powerless, and what did it give you? 

A man laying atop of your body, head awkwardly buried within the crook of your neck, floundering over your nude body, pressing against your chest and belly in uncomfortable ways. His weight was odd, like he didn’t know how to move right anymore, like he was trying to find a way to roll himself into you that would make him disappear. Deep, deeper, and his breath hiccups in odd quarter notes between each thrust, each gasp he swallows. He’s never felt sloppier. You tilt your head to the side, wincing with each sharp thrust. 

“A-Angel. Angel. A-A-Ahhh… nnaa, —gel.” 

Over and over, like a mantra, like he never learned how to say any other words than that. That’s all he ever does anymore. Only says a few phrases, like he’s lost everything in him. I’m sorry. I failed. Forgive me. Angel. Over and over and over, and you’re starting to forget any poetry your tired and bleak mind ever lapped at. Can you wither with someone? Can you intertwine your bodies like overgrown weeds, mottled sap and moss across dusty windows, vines that twist with thorns, compressing to the lee of the stone? Is that what you desire most? Is that what you want? Would it be easier if you let your mind run silly and lose all comprehension just to be able to handle each thrust? Each moan? Each kiss? Each angel? How much longer can you hold off that inevitable? 

“Angel. Sorry. I can’t hold myself up.” 

You shake your head dismissively. 

“It’s okay, Kai. Let me help you.” 

Both of your hands leave his back, loosening, and Kai sucks in a shallow breath, accidentally leaning forward a bit too much to maintain your touch, but you just groan and squint your eyes. You can feel the liquid from his face, the wine and vinegar, it’s all over your neck and collar bone. He’s so gross. It’s going to be so gross to look at him again. He’s so solid, teeming with pathetic acceptance, all his will lost, and it strains your wrists whenever you try to hook your hands underneath his armpits and lift him. Your thumbs swivel to push, your hips meet his in rhythm for a few swings, and your knees pinch together to hoist your bodies up and together. Your back slams noisily against the pillow and headboard, but the pain doesn’t even register. All you can focus on is Kai’s face. 

So gaunt, so shadowy, so hollow. Those once beautiful eyes wide and spacey, golden ambers dulled into earthy pebbles. His long lashes flutter, decorated by large pearls, by tears that stream down the apples of his face. Torrential rains that flood into his snot and drool, thick and soupy, and you try to stifle the look of disgust that crosses your face whenever it congeals and starts to splatter across your body. He’s so gross. Maybe he was always this gross. 

You can’t believe you ever fell in love with him.

“A-Angel—” 

Oh, how romantic Kai sounds now. So needy, finding ways to groove himself into your embrace, your body, and his sex grows faster. All of your teeth are chowing down on your inner mouth, the walls tender and fruity, and you can feel a few splinters pop in the aftermath, iron sour. The head of Kai’s cock pierces in ways that you’d never think possible, stumbling over the ridges of your cunt, and you can’t help when you’re screaming behind a glued mouth. He’s crying, Kai is crying. He always cries when you have sex. You hate it. He tries to be tender, he tries to lay into you gently, he tries to find ways to make this seem like a slice of heaven—but you just think he’s a messy little boy who’ll throw up on your breasts after he cums and then lay his head atop his own filth while he begs you to tell him that you love him until he passes out. 

And with each passing thrust, you start to dwell on it. The longer you think, the further the dome of your head digs into the wall, the happier the thought makes you. Kai crying. No matter how pursy or slovenly Kai becomes with each gyration of his hips, with every deep moan that revs in the back of his throat, with the way he shoves himself forward to meet your static lips in a sloppy kiss. His sticky snot, opaque and stringy, dances across the brow of your lips, dangles down your faces, meets in the middle, and he’s working his jaw in rhythm with his thrusts. All of it is combining in your mind, and it makes you feel so giddy, and you realize you’ve finally lost it. You don’t love Kai anymore, but hearing him cry, apologize, make a mess of himself upon you, begging, fucking you, births glittery butterflies dancing within the cavity of your belly and you start giggling against Kai’s mouth. 

Your eyes are open, so are Kai’s, and you can see the expression on his face shift into something akin to confusion, but you really don’t care anymore. Another giggle before you’re returning Kai’s kiss fervently, and your hands are finding any place on his body to squeeze and grab, you’re massaging him, feeling his muscles and his ribs, and your feet chop out before they clasp together. You draw Kai in further, his disconsolate fluids drenching the both of you, and you’re moaning. 

You don’t like to think about the fate you've ended up with. 

But if Kai never stops crying, then it'll be one you deserve. 

[riacte]

Yeah at first I thought this session was good because the gimmick didn’t 100% interfere with the players. They could fight and chat and maybe a little something something from this Sam Reich Robot but seeing how the questions were made by fans for fans, it definitely feels very pandering like “oOooOooooO what two flowers did Scar give to Grian in third life?” and “wow wow wow who was married in third life? Was it this popular ship? This popular ship? Or this popular ship!” and “who was Grian’s secret soulmate” like you know the tumblr peeps would freak out other it but overall it’s like? Okay and? You (the players) keep referring back to old seasons in wild life while not focusing on the current season at hand or make an effort to try something new? Maybe this is why I like Lizzie’s pov because she isn’t stuck in the past (cough cough treebark pandering cough cough scarian divorce cough cough whatever the hell is going on at the 4 B base)

This session I think did have more downtime than snail and speed and they got some things done, but yeah you're so right. The Treebark pandering thing is so weird for me personally because usually I love being pandered to— it's like a self-aware thing between Martyn and the fandom, we play along, we have a good time— but somehow this wasn't my vibe. There's always been a thin line, but now it's intentional and painfully obvious. I know fans made the questions and this isn't hate, I would've probably done the same given the opportunity 😭 but it being accepted by Grian and shown in the ep felt a little too self aware? It's like when you're lucid dreaming and you dream up your crush and they magically like you back and it feels insanely good because it's all you wanted yet it's off because you're controlling your dream projection.

I pretty much only watch this season for the Treebark honeymoon, so as the Target Audience, it's hypocritical that I'm like "ok now I don't like Treebark pandering" like okay girl what have you been doing since 2021?? Enjoying the pandering yeah?? What's wrong with me?? Throwing a temper tantrum like a toddler because I got the bait I wanted??? Hmm?

"You (the players) keep referring back to old seasons in wild life while not focusing on the current season at hand or make an effort to try something new" this is so real. It's like they're trying something new for fresh interest and rehashing the old things people liked to retain the past audience. Arguably Treebark has an excuse because they haven't interacted in sooooo long and they don't do much outside of Life (now they do Rats and hopefully MCC).

Anyways yeah pandering. It's always been pandering but the curtain has drawn back just a little too much and I think it made me too self aware of the shit I do so I flinched. I joke about Ren and Martyn being married all the time but seeing it on my screen was like "girl why did the devil's sacrament come to YOU".

"Okay and?" Tbh that sums it up. What now? What happens next week? Did we ever get a proper exposition on the spawner cages and eggs? What now?

This season is easier to understand if I imagine it as a (borrowing MCC terms) "non canon" series of standalone gimmicks in which the Life series cast goof off once a week. Like Guess the Build. But saying that is taboo because this is officially Life Series 6, so everything that happens here is canon and the winner will be canon.

[stella-rose-love]

grow by choosing how you react to setbacks.

"well, it's not like panicking will make the bus come any faster."

when it comes to the lifestyle of bettering yourself, a large growth-related element of this practice often flies under the radar, & that is the choice of how you react to unexpected/unwanted obstacle that are thrown your way.

these could be drawbacks thats are within your control, or out of your control. life is unpredictable; even outcomes/decisions/events that we seemingly have control, over may not go our way due to various reasons— including human error.

even so, that's okay.

this clip from "skip to loafer" displays a brief lesson regarding this idea, and it's presented in such a simple manner that you might not think twice about it.

notice how both of the characters are met by the same inconvenience. while it is unfortunate and "time-wasting", the difference in which they process this obstacle is contrasting.

Both are students with remarkable academic success, but one lives a life of hyper-obsession of time, structure, and intense self-pressure. She sets high expectations of herself, and beats herself down when she does not reach them. She struggles socially, and is unable to live a life of balance.

The other character managed to create a balanced lifestyle of academic achievement, social success, kindness, and self-love. while she has expectations for herself, what enables her to thrive is how she reacts to negative emotions, and to the natural setbacks of life—such as disappointment and failure.

as humans, we spend a lot of our time and energy wallowing in our negative emotions, because it is easier to live in a state of cynicism than a state of optimism.

the statement "it's not like panicking will make the bus come any faster" can be easily overlooked, but it's a quote that personally, comes to mind when I find myself having anxious thoughts, or am feeling unhealthy stress.

indulging in your negative emotions will not change the outcome of your situation. it sounds like a pretty obvious statement, but not when you're stressing about getting that exam result, or feeling anxious waiting to get a text back, or if you're worried about being perceived during that presentation.

ask yourself this: can I do anything about this?

If it's no, just let go of the negative feelings you've attached to it. stressing over the exam results won't make the results come out any quicker. being anxious about being on delivered won't change the moment the text is read. worrying about being stared at during a presentation won't make the audience go away.

recognize the moments you find yourself in these negative states of mind, and use the time to indulge in more favourable concepts— such as gratitude, curiosity, acceptance, and mindfulness.

not only does the mindfulness of your reactions benefit yourself, but you'll also notice how your reactions will uplift and inspire the people around you. It is a notable trait of natural born leaders, to accept an outcome at face value, and proceed accordingly. not letting the negatives of the situation infiltrate the positive goals & aspirations they've set for themselves.

Here are some methods you can use to develop controlling your reactions as a habit.

using metacognitive activities as a form of self-reflection.

metacognition is a form of introspection; essentially self-analyzing the way you learn. knowing what you do & don't know, accepting and being aware of that. It is used with intent of expanding one's knowledge, being curious about oneself and how/where you can excel, and how you can learn in a more effective way. If you aren't too familiar with it, I highly recommend looking into it— Especially if you’re a student.

2. creating goals and objectives, without expecting.

no one knows you better than you. while it is good to set goals for yourself, it is entirely possible to create unhealthy goals for oneself that lead to inevitable self sabotage. It's something that's situational, and only you will be able to tell when something is too unrealistic for yourself. work on identifying that. become aware of what you're capable of and more, and it will eliminate most of your self-doubt. this will allow you to be able to understand what the best ways are to continue pushing yourself out of your comfort zone in ways that work for you.

3. seeing the silver lining & practicing gratitude

no matter what, there is always a silver lining to a situation. things could have gone worse, and you always have to be grateful for that. make sure you really feel it. maybe things didn't work out how you think they should've, but usually when one book closes, another one opens. the world didn't end, nobody died(unless they actually did.. again, this is situational, so apply these methods where they can be applied), and you're okay.

4. acknowledging time permanence

sometimes, looking at the big objective picture (which is somewhat morbid and depressing to think about) can help put things into perspective. in life, there is not a thing that is permanent. we come into this world alone, and leave this world alone. our time overlaps with our parents, pets, peers, and our world— but no two will leave and enter the world in the same moments. right now, the moment you are reading this, will pass, and your life will go on. This is quite a long read, and even so, eventually, you will forget you ever read this. a moment will happen, and then it will leave us. no matter how significant the moment is, it'll come and go. even the scary and daunting ones will become something of the past, so just do it!

5. optimistic nihilism

adopting some viewpoints of certain philosophic ideologies can help remove some of the gravity we put onto life itself and make us realize, it's not all that serious. "optimistic nihilism is a philosophical standpoint that blends nihilism, which asserts that life lacks intrinsic meaning or purpose, with optimism, which embraces the potential for joy and fulfilment despite this absence of inherent meaning. optimistic nihilism is based on the premise that life lacks objective meaning or purpose. cosmic plans, divine will, ultimate goals, moral laws, and inherent value hold no sway over the fabric of existence. every event within the universe occurs due to natural laws and “random” occurrences, devoid of any significance beyond the subjective interpretations we assign to them."

If this is too much to digest, here is a rulebook of how I live daily to keep it simple and easy.

don't take myself too seriously

take my work and health seriously

be kind

if you feel this post applies to you, I hope you've found it helpful in some way or another. Have a lovely day/night, and take care!!

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

Whump fics have an audience, obviously, because all of us are here writing and reading it, but it's still a more limited appeal. Any advice for how to deal with discouragement when whump stories you're passionate about don't get any interaction?

I humbly think we’ll have to ask ourselves what the goal we hope will achieve is; do we write for notes and kudos, or do we write because it’s something we’re passionate about and so the act of writing alone brings us joy? this is a genuine question and either of these answers are valid.

I know a lot of us create for both the joy of doing what we love, and also for the validation of getting likes/reblogs/kudos and comments. and as someone who also writes, I understand how much seeing our works get the appreciation they deserve means.

but the thing is, it can also get discouraging when the work we put so much time and dedication into didn’t get as much love as it deserved. I know this is all so very cliche and is easier said than done, but if we really want to have fun in doing what we love, my advice would be that you do it for yourself, not for your followers. and the sooner we can truly accept this concept, the happier we’ll be.

do you get what I’m trying to say here? (because I’m not sure if it makes sense tbh), but long story short, don’t write for kudos or reblogs, write because this is something that you love. being able to do what you love is actually super cool.

sure, kudos and reblogs are amazing, but the sooner we can fully look at them as a bonus, not the main reason we create, the happier and more at peace we will be.

so it’s okay if our works get no interaction, because at the end of the day, we got to write them for ourselves.

repeat after me: I got to do what I love, which is enough. I’ll keep doing what I love because they’re a form of self care and I’m doing what I’m doing for me.

please don’t let the lack of interaction from the audience pull you away from the joy of creating the stories that you love. YOU should be the priority of your works. always.

[queermania]

(last reblog made me realize something but i didn't want to add it to the post or in the tags because it's spoilery if you've only seen up to s8)

there are a lot of reasons why cas' confession is so unsatisfying to me but one of the reasons i haven't been able to articulate until now is that it kind of.... undoes everything that preceded it? cas gives voice to the thing we've all been watching play out for twelve years and that should feel like a win, it should feel like relief, because happiness isn't in the having, it's in the just being, it's in the just saying, right? but, in saying it, cas removed the being part of it from everything that happened prior. cas' speech made it feel like we haven't been watching two people who are in queer love and who are very much in a queer relationship.

instead, we've been watching a guy secretly pining for another guy who may or may not have secretly loved him back. and that... is not true to the story i've been watching unfold? that only works if i accept the premise that the writers and the actors and the directors and the crew and the editors weren't actually telling a queer love story to the best of their ability the whole time. and i don't accept that! they were telling the story!! it was on purpose!!!

like, the reason dean's confession-prayer in purgatory is satisfying is because it doesn't undo anything that came before it.

Cas? Cas, I hope you can hear me… that wherever you are, it's not too late. I should've stopped you. You're my best friend, but I just let you go. 'Cause it was easier than admitting I was wrong. I-- Ohh. I don't know why I get so angry. I just know -- I know that it's -- i-it's just always been there. And when things go bad, it just -- it comes out. And I can't -- I can't stop it. No matter how -- how bad I want to, I just can't stop it. And -- and I-I forgive you. Of course I forgive you. I'm sorry it took me so long -- I'm sorry it took me till now to say it. Cas, I'm -- I'm so sorry. Man, I hope you can hear me. I hope you can hear me. Okay.

this is dean reiterating everything we as an audience already know because we've already seen it (dean wants cas there and he regrets letting him go and there is nothing cas could do that would make dean actually give up on him). if you replace "best friend" with literally anything else that effectively means "romantic partner" this still works. it doesn't change it at all. this is dean and cas. this is destiel. this is the story i've been watching since lazarus rising. maybe even the pilot.

contrast that with 15x18, however:

I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I wondered what it could be? What my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer because the one thing I want... It's something I know I can't have. But I think I know... I think I know now. Happiness isn't in the having, it's in just being. It's in just saying it . . . I know. I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive, and you're angry, and you're broken. You're "daddy's blunt instrument." And you think that hate and anger, that's... That's what drives you, that's who you are. It's not. And everyone who knows you see it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are. You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell... Knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack... I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean . . . I love you.

this is a different story. it changes everything. and, like, i think that was supposed to be the point, but unfortunately for me it is one of the reasons it doesn't work. why doesn't cas think he can have dean? is it simply because he thinks dean doesn't want him back?? is it because he thinks dean is straight?? like, the fact that i don't instinctively know the answer to that is a problem, and the reason i don't know the answer is because it doesn't jive with the show i've been watching for fifteen seasons. castiel's confession is the conclusion to a different show's run, one where they were actually queerbaiting the whole time and decided to throw the fans a bone at the very end.

but they weren't queerbaiting. they were writing textually queer characters with textually queer relationships.

and so a speech where cas is confessing to being in love with dean even though he thinks dean's straight doesn't really work at any point in the show's timeline for me.

and a speech where cas is confessing to being in love with dean even though he doesn't think dean loves him back in that way doesn't really work at any point past s12 for me, and even within s12 to be honest.

like, the narrative actively starts to fall apart in 13x01 if you don't take dean and cas being in love/in a relationship as a given, but even episodes like 12x10 and 12x19 imply something was already happening with them.

so. yeah.

[lover-of-mine]

Hey Anna,

I have a honest question for you I’ve been thinking about for a while and I think you’re the best one to answer it.

When Tommy came over to Bucks loft in 7x4 I genuinely thought they were going to have Tommy say something about how he didn’t mean to make Buck jealous and he’s not trying to steal (his) Bucks boyfriend from him. That would’ve been an effective way to have Buck question his sexuality and introduce buddie. I am really curious why they didn’t just do that?

What are your thoughts? Love your blog babe 😘

Hi love 🩷

Okay, so, they wanted to make episode 100 about a main character being queer. To effectively do that, they would have to make Buck kiss a guy. They couldn't make him kiss Eddie because it would've been out of nowhere and while I desperately want buddie canon, I don't want them to just smash them together because they can. Like, if they just wanted buddie to kiss on some capacity without an actual lead up, they would've made that happen in s6, I know fox was against Buck being bi but they could've implied something with the "ending" if they just wanted to say the got buddie together in the end. They did not, and since buddie is the one thing that was handled with care in the season, I'm tempted to believe they want to do them justice. Tommy is a device for Buck's bisexuality not buddie, those are separate things. I absolutely HATE the idea of Tommy, or any external person really, just coming up to Buck and saying "oh you have a thing for Eddie" that's explicitly. Buck's whole arc is about finding the answers himself, and in my opinion, making someone in that situation tell Buck this assumption to trigger buddie would be lazy. The goal of 704 was making it known that Buck is bisexual and they couldn't do that through Eddie with the episode they wrote, and the GA would only accept the bisexuality if Buck kissed a guy. There's also the way that I think that buddie is never gonna be unrequited, even if we get some canon pining from either side, I think it will only be after the audience is made aware at least that both parties are queer. To make 704 about buddie in the way you are saying, we would have to see Eddie acting like he has feelings for Buck enough for Tommy to make that assumption along with Buck being jealous in the way we see him. That's not something you can do in one episode imo. With the way things were you would have Buck being a cliche guy in love with his straight best friend because Eddie was dating Marisol, and I don't think they'll ever want to give the impression that buddie is impossible if that's where we're going. This is also why I believe the audience needs to be made aware of Eddie's feelings for Buck first, because 704 mimics the structure of 201, so the idea of Buck having a crush on Eddie at some point of their friendship already exists, so the next step imo is to make Eddie's feelings known for audience and kickstart the getting together arc.

You're thinking about the situation as someone who already believes Buck and Eddie are queer. You and me and all buddie shippers, we don't need convincing about them being queer. If s8 opened with them making out, we would not question it, but since we are talking about two characters who were not introduced as queer, you need to give the GA something to make this feel plausible, that wouldn't be the case of Tommy just saying "I'm not trying to steal your boyfriend" because the audience knew Eddie was dating Marisol, the audience also knew Buck had only dated women, the audience also knew that while Buck and Eddie are weird about each other, they are not explicitly put as romantic. It would be too much of a shock.

I also believe that Buck's bisexuality was a trial run of some sorts, walking Buck out of the bi thing if it had been poorly received by the majority of viewers is a lot easier than walking Buck out of being in love with Eddie, so if for some reason people didn't react well to him being bi, they could just introduce another pretty girl and call it a day without major consequences. Buck's bisexuality also stands on its own because Buck is incredibly popular and there aren't a lot of mainstream bi male characters, he creates conversation on his own, so again, if something went wrong, they could lean on that angle without having to worry about the ship. I think the goal was to make Buck's bisexuality exist outside of another person and that's why it wasn't about Eddie.

[doofnoof]

In Defense Of Mrs. Westenra:

This is going to sound absolutely insane, but I understand why Mrs. Westenra removed the garlic from Lucy's room, and think it was a genuine attempt at kindness rather than a selfish act done entirely foolishly, though regardless of her motives she's still doomed poor Lucy to death.

Let me explain: we're seeing some masterful use of dramatic irony here, I almost wish I could buy Bram Stoker a drink for how positively stunningly he's put the dramatic irony into motion, because it is absolutely sickening and heartwrenching knowing that Lucy is well and truly going to get even sicker and then die, because her mother removed the one thing protecting her from Dracula from her room.

We the audience are fully aware that this is a bad thing Mrs. Westenra has done, that she's doomed her daughter and is putting her directly in danger, that her smugness at the situation is so entirely misplaced that we want to scream and cry and curse and pull our hair out the way Van Hellsing did the instant she left the room, or the way Seward's anger is barely contained as he writes out today's entry. Bravo to the Re: Dracula cast for how downright upsetting this episode was, from hearing a usually silly man weep aloud to almost being able to see Seward's jaw clench from how he recounts what happened. You can almost imagine how Van Hellsing must have wept when his son died, as he loves Lucy as if she were his own daughter.

But here's the thing. Mrs. Westenra has been left out of the loop of what's happening with Lucy, she's unaware that Lucy knows she's sick, and with only a little time left she needs to get Lucy well enough to get married, so that when Mrs. Westenra inevitably dies Lucy is taken care of, she has enough money and a good enough reputation to get the care she needs when Mrs. Westenra can't try to provide it for her anymore. This is a very old-fashioned way of thinking, but Mrs. Westenra was raised in an old-fashioned time, likely when there was a cholera outbreak in London and the bad air theory first started to circulate, while Lucy is being raised in a new and (what must seem to Mrs. Westenra) frightening London, and old people are often set in their ways even now.

How many times have you, the audience, been told by a well-meaning older person in your life to "just hit the streets" when out looking for a job? They don't understand that times have changed, and it's easier to just nod and smile and say "sure thing, you're absolutely right Peepaw, I'll do just that" than to argue with them on it, because they're looking at the world through their lived experiences, the past, rather than how the world is currently.

Mrs. Westenra is also a disabled woman, she has a congenital heart disease that has only recently been fully diagnosed, and her life is slowly dwindling to an end, and she is watching helplessly as her daughter is sick with a disease no one seems able to cure. She has every right to be suspicious of Van Hellsing and Seward, because they can't and won't even tell her what's causing Lucy's illness, won't explain the garlic, and didn't even tell her they'd put garlic in her room.

Van Hellsing knows it's a vampire and can't fill anyone in on it, because that's supernatural hogwash, old-fashioned buffoonery, flying in the face of logic and science and everything the New London is striving for. Nobody would believe him anyways. Lucy thought the garlic was ridiculous, and even Seward himself felt as though Hellsing was being irrational (when Seward was Hellsing's student, and looked up to him as though he knew every secret in the world, but still questioned him on this one thing, fearing Hellsing was turning to Oujia Boards and Crystal Balls instead of Science and Logic,) and both only understood and accepted that Hellsing knew what he was doing from his intense and dead serious response to being questioned, and then seeing for themselves that Lucy had slept well, and had color in her cheeks again.

Mrs. Westenra saw none of this. She does not knows who Hellsing is, doesn't know that Lucy trusts him more than she trusts anyone else in the world save for Mina, and she doesn't know that he's helped Arthur save Lucy's life, nor does she know that Seward is in much the same boat, that he'd given his own blood and sleep and sanity for Lucy's sake out of love for her and his friendship with Arthur and Hellsing, who in turn trusts him with Lucy's health and safety.

Mrs. Westenra does know some things though. She knows that doctors, who rely on science and logic, weren't able to catch her heart problems in time to save her life, that she's dying and becoming rapidly unable to take care of her daughter, who is also sick with an illness doctors previously haven't been able to diagnose and treat. It went away on it's own, and came back again worse than ever before later in life, much like Mrs. Westenra's heart problem. This may seem foolish, but part of why I love Dracula is because every character feels like someone you might meet today, rather than a person almost 100 years ago.

How many times have we, the audience, heard of medical malpractice going unpunished and ignored, especially because the target of the malpractice was a woman? There must be at the very least a handful of you. I know from experience (personal and from being there for friends and family) what it's like to be told you're imagining your pain (in hysterics), you're being over-dramatic, (you're hysterical) it's just normal period pain and will go away (women and the constant fainting at the slightest pain, amiright fellas), have you tried losing weight, have you tried exercise and fresh air, have you tried eating this one diet or another, maybe it's all mental, go to this doctor or that and doing exactly as you're told only to be met with a door to the face, and if you're lucky, eventually getting diagnosed and maybe even given medicine for your ailments instead of just a bill and a smack on the ass. Mrs. Westenra finally got a clear answer for herself as it was revealed she's dying. Lucy has yet to get an answer.

So lets put all of this together. Mrs. Westenra is watching as strange men sneak around her home and into her daughter's room, she's just been diagnosed with a disease that is killing her and there's nothing the doctors can do to fix it, I doubt she trusts any doctors right now even though we the audience know she's dealing with a really wonderful doctor, even Mr. Medical Malpractice Warning himself is doing everything in his power to make Lucy well again, and for the first time since his introduction with his proposal to Lucy, he's putting logic aside to be kind to someone who is relying on him for help, promising to wake Lucy from her sleep if she has nightmares. Mrs. Westenra doesn't know this. She's going to die, her daughter is keeping secrets from her, and her saving grace is that Lucy is going to be married to a good and kind gentleman who will use his wealth to keep her relatively healthy seeing as Lucy is going to be his wife, and she can't have anyone making Lucy seem like an unchaste woman lest her plan falls apart and she's not able to make sure her daughter is wed and thus, safe. Mrs. Westenra knows that even gossip of Lucy sleeping around could make the whole thing fall apart, because Arthur has a reputation to uphold, and so does Lucy. Lucy is a new woman in a society where the old ways are dying or being reborn, and likely doesn't understand her mother's fears, knows that her friends would never hurt her, but that doesn't matter in the eyes of society because at the end of the day she is an unwed woman left alone with a man, a prior suitor no less. She walks into her daughters room and sees these men have left flowers everywhere, and worse is that they stink to high heavens.

Lucy seems better, but Mrs. Westenra has never gotten to see what Lucy looked like after Dracula fed on her, so to Mrs. Westenra these heavily scented flowers are going to look like something doing more harm than good. She knows from being raised in an old-fashioned society that fresh air does a lot of good, that's why Lucy went on that vacation with Mina, and she doesn't know how bad Lucy's sleepwalking got because everyone stopped telling her anything after they found out about her heart, at Lucy's behest no less. She feels like fresh air works, and these idiot doctors trained in the new ways (that have proven unhelpful, they couldn't save her could they, so how would they know what Lucy needs?) have gunked up her daughter's room and are inadvertently making her worse with the foul smelling flowers. Mrs. Westenra was probably alive as well when the cholera pandemic was in full swing and explained as being caused by bad air, and she can see her daughter is sick and wants to help her. So she takes the noxious flowers out of Lucy's room and opens the windows, and tries to get the men-folk to understand that they're no longer needed, not understanding herself that her attempt to rid the room of bad air has instead let what's keeping Lucy sick in rather than keeping it out, and by trying to protect Lucy from being preyed upon she has inadvertently let a very evil thing who is going to prey on Lucy in every meaning of the word into her room, where she should have been safe.

She doesn't know she's in a horror novel, and she only has what she can see as evidence. She made the wrong choice because she loves her daughter and is trying to take care of her, even though she's failing miserably because she's applying a bandaid to a burn wound, so to speak. Right now many people hate Mrs. Westenra for her smug attitude and for letting something evil hurt her daughter, for undoing all the hard work Seward and Hellsing have given up sleep and blood for, but I think it's a little unfounded. She's an old fashioned woman in a new world, doing her best for her daughter's sake, and it's not her fault she doesn't know all of the details, and she can't know the details because it will kill her and possibly make Lucy's situation even more dire.

That's what makes Lucy's death so tragic. To save Lucy they'd need to scare Mrs. Westenra and she would die, which would affect Lucy horribly and more than likely kill her as well. If Lucy dies Mrs. Westenra will follow suit. So they have to keep both alive, and that can't happen as long as Dracula has his sights set on Lucy. It's dramatic irony because only we know that it's Dracula, that the garlic helps, that the supernatural is real, that Dracula is a thinking thing that intends to kill Lucy. Van Hellsing can't tell Seward what's killing Lucy, and even if Seward believed Hellsing, he would never be able to tell the Westenras because their health is caught in such a fragile balancing act, and they'd never believe either of them anyways. The only thing that could save Lucy is Jonathan, and he comes back to London far too late, half out of his mind and trying desperately to live the life he'd always wanted with his new wife.

It makes the scene where Dracula well and truly fucks up by feeding on Mina that much more powerful, because Dracula doesn't understand nor realize that Jonathan will kill him for doing to Mina what he had done to Jonathan, and the Harker's friends, Lucy's suitors, experienced firsthand the suffering of losing someone they love more than life itself. Lucy had to die for Dracula to be vanquished. Lucy's mother had to make the bad decision so the story could end with Dracula's death.

Without her death, Lucy's Polycule wouldn't have had the push they needed to band together for the Harkers (who get to have what Lucy lost. Lucy and Arthur could have been married happily, so entirely in love, and seeing as Seward and Quincey both almost had that with Lucy had they not been rejected and are Arthur's closest and most trusted friends, all of them suffering in unison because of Lucy's death, Lucy is the piece that ties everyone together. Everyone in Dracula loves Lucy. The polycule knows what it's like to lose the love of their lives, and they see Dracula trying to put Jonathan through that same suffering, they see Dracula hurting Mina who Lucy arguably loved the most out of any one of them, and decide they can't let it happen ever again.)

[polyamorousmood]

My partner and I have been together for over five years and had talked about being open to polyamory since the beginning. We've been actively polyamorous for almost two years now, and it's getting to the point where I will have to open up about this side of my life to my family and I don't know how to do that without causing possible issues (they can be old fashioned, but aren't like super religious). I would love to hear advise on how to handle this, or hear people's stories about how it went when they shared this with their families. Thank you!

I've never had any reason to tell my family I'm poly, and never will without good reason. But I will throw in my two cents ¢ (which inevitably turns into a dollar 💲).

In no particular order:

You set the tone😨🤹. Don't forget this. You can play it off as kidding if you set it up that way or you can make this a "I am willing to never talk to you again if you're a dick" thing if you set it up that way. You decide if its A Formal Talk or if you're just kissing someone on the cheek and they get to figure out what tf that means or if you're inviting them to celebrate with you.

You control the informationℹ️. Decide what details you'd like for them to know. You can even lie to them about some parts if it will make the conversation go down easier for them. This might sound sleazy, but depending on how much shit you expect them to dish, might be smart.

Tailor your speech to your audience🗣️. Idk your situation, but certain framings will work better for different types of people. Some can come around to the idea with education, others will use more information as more ways to hurt you; some family members may care about your happiness above all and come to accept it through that lens, some may need to understand it, some may be most open to it if they can relate it to a familiar concept, etc. Some want these comversations in private, some will only keep themselves in check from the social pressure of making a scene. You'd know better than I would what that looks like for them.

Starting with the safest/most open person could be a good way to test the waters. If they take it well, you can have someone on your side to tell the others, and if they take it poorly, you can re-evaluate how you want to handle things.

Genie can't go back in the bottle🧞. Once they know, they'll always know. The only way to maybe work around this is to make it out to be "just a phase" and make sure only one partner is ever mentioned to them again. Which means I recommend figuring out your line in the sand for how much BS you're willing to put up from them ahead of time. Its hard to consider what you would do if they took it really badly, but its hedging your bets for a familiar broken heart.

This is a personal preference, but I'm a fan of dropping details casually and when you're going to be leaving soon. Its conflict avoidant. It gives them time to chew on it without you having to be there "did they really mean that? If they did how are our grandchildren going to be raised? They were kidding. But if they weren't--" you get the idea. And they can run through all that and only bother you with the most important questions next time. It seems to me easier on others because they're not sure its true yet. They can toy with what the idea means without all the wight of My Child Is Coming Out To Me, if that makes sense? Will NOT work on everyone, but worth a consider imho.

[alarrytale]

Hi Marte. Do you think it is harder for male popstars and actors to CO than female popstars and actresses? Because fans of female popstars and actresses are mostly gay men and straight women but fans of male popstars and actors are mostly straight women who sexualize and fantasize about them. Billie CO hasn't impacted her career at all because she doesn't have a thirsty audience but it would impact Harry and Shawn's right? Due to having a female audience who fantasize about sleeping with them. Well Ricky Martin managed to do it but he waited until later in his career. I hope we don't have to wait that long! How would a male artist go about CO if he has a female audience? Do you think it's possible? I'm talking gay male artists by the way, not bi. Bi it would be easier to CO as straight women will stick around.

Hi, anon!

I agree with you that it's harder for gay male popstars and actors to come out because of their target audience. For gay male popstars, coming out will kill the fantasy and het women will lose their chance to project their wants, needs and use them for their heterosexual exploration. For gay male actors they will maybe lose the chance to play het romantic roles and action movies, or other hyper-masculine roles that het males project onto. They're afraid they'll loose het male respect and recognition.

It's totally doable to come out to a female audience as a gay popstar. Like gay men love popstars like Lady Gaga, Madonna and Beyoncé, female heterosexual women love gay men the same! There are plenty of straight women who are larries, plenty of straight women who read gay fan fiction, and plenty of older women screaming about Elton Johns flamboyant outfits.

Gay men can still be fashion icons, trendsetters, influencers and role models to women when they come out. Even if they can't deliver on het female fantasies anymore. Gay men are more relateable to women, less misogynistic, feminists and more supportive and understanding of females than straight men are. Women might not want you anymore, they now want to be you. They still want to know who you're dating (is he hot), which celebrity friends you hang out with, what brand you're wearing and what festival you're playing next.

If Harry (and Louis) start to age up and act their age, they will stop attracting so many teenagers as fans and continue keeping fans their own age, and grow and older fanbase. Most people will stop projecting their sexual fantasies onto celebrities when they grow up (or at least realise that you won't marry them). When you've been around as an artist on top of world for a decade, your fans will also have grown loyal to you. They won't stop buying your music or going to your concerts because you come out as gay. People will have grown up alongside you, you're a part of their childhood and you will always have a place in their hearts. You can’t love someone so much for so long and reject them just because they come out. You can still attract teenagers as fans, but they will be fans for other reasons than you being someone to project onto. Teens love the cast of Heartstopper, Young Royals and RWRB for example. As long as you stay relatable, iconic, cool, inventive and explorative, and be someone to admire and look up to, you'll be fine.

If the coming out is done right, slowly and by seeding, your fans will get the picture and start rooting for you to come out. They won't be taken off guard and will come to accept it, little by little. Boil the frog. I also don't believe going from a straight image to totally changing up everything to exaggeratedly show off your queerness is the right way to go in order to keep your longtime straight fans loyal and supportive (i'm looking at you jojo siwa and sam smith...). If finally being free and doing whatever you want is your main goal, then by all means. But if you still want to maintain your fanbase and level of fame, then don't change everything up and make the artist your fans know and love totally unrecognisable to them. It's too much. Don't do a personality transplant. Show that you are still you. That basically means still catering to heterosexual women. They are still your biggest target audience. You will automatically now also appeal and cater to queer people. I think that's a good way to do it. With time and more acceptance, you'll be able to be more and more your authentic self and self express the way you wish. Your fans will have gotten used to it and not notice it. Boil the frog.

[kandismon]

Do you have any tips for those who wish to create a webcomic?

I do apologize if this has been asked before!

this is a pretty big question that would probably be easier to answer if you had any specific things you'd like to know about!

but i can give you a summary of general things i've learned over the years!

disclaimer: these are my personal experiences, if any of this sounds like something that doesn't fit your workflow or preferences, please disregard!

if you've never made a webcomic before, i would personally recommend starting small. do a short oneshot first to see how it feels instead of diving right into your multi-season 2000 pages big epic story, because i feel like the workload can get really overwhelming really fast if you go from 0 to 100 right away. some creators thrive on that but it was definitely not for me. i have a lot of failed and unfinished projects sitting around because i was too ambitious and didn't know what i was getting myself into. later on i started drawing short comics for various fandoms & ships i was invested in deeply, and those got progressively longer until i suddenly felt ready to seriously tackle one of my original stories again. which was when i finally started working on #MUTED!

don't worry about sticking to the strict 60+ panels weekly schedule that you see a lot on platforms like webtoon for example. unless you've signed a contract, you make the rules and decide how much and how often you post. i've seen a lot of creators burn themselves out over that when there really wasn't any need because no one was forcing or paying them to churn out so much all the time T -T) you can still find an audience and success with a slower pace (for example #MUTED was released with 2 episodes a month, 1 ep usually had around 20ish panels iirc)

finished is better than perfect. if you're a perfectionist this can be difficult to accept, but i promise most people won't look at your panels for longer than 1.5 seconds. some wonky lines here and there don't matter much, it's more important to get the feelings across imho.

vector layers (for inking) are your best friend \o/

imho having a pretty clear outline for your story can be really helpful and take away some stress, knowing where the story is going without having to constantly sit down inbetween chapters to come up with more plot is a blessing and i wish i had been better about doing that with #MUTED. i did have a rough outline but a lot of holes in between chapters and in the end some things i would have liked to explore more never got touched on because my planning was bad and i wasn't able to find the room in the story (like some emma back story, more about jasper's family dynamics, also a bit more of a deep dive into kai's relationship with his family) (also towards the end i felt pretty burned out and just wanted to move on haha) [i'm not saying to plan every scene right from the get go, there's always room to adjust and remove or add stuff while you're working on the project, but a few important anker points here and there are important, at least for me!]

shortcuts are also your best friend, use all of them. 3d models too!

when you start publishing, don't get discouraged by algorithms and statistics and numbers (i say as that's something i still struggle with daily LOL), agonising over these things is pointless because they're mostly out of your control, focus on things you can actively do to be proud of your work. also instead of comparing yourself to others, instead compare yourself to past you! look how far you've come compared to the you from last year :>

i hope any of this helps, sorry for rambling lol if there's ever any specific questions, my asks are always open and i'll do my best to try and help out!! i'm also still learning and don't consider myself to be a person who really has anything to teach to anyone, but i can share my progress and experiences and hype you up if needed, hehe

good luck with your comic!!

[beauzos]

Potentially odd question but seeing as you're back in your SOBR era and I've enjoyed what I've read of your works in the past, figured I'd ask;

How do you plan out a longer story? When I do get past executive disfunction and find the energy to write, I often find myself intimidated by the sheer scale that something like a novel would require, so I mostly stick to short stories and the like. What did your first steps look like when you started working on SOBR (or any other projects of similar length)?

Not an odd question at all! I appreciate being asked and I'm going to try really hard to be helpful.

I was, for a very long time, deeply intimidated by writing long-form fiction as well. I just genuinely believed I was not capable of committing to writing anything longer than a 10-15,000 word one-shot or short story. Up until 2022, the longest complete piece of fiction I ever wrote was about 20,000 words. I also hated it, but that's beside the point. The longest unfinished work I left behind was 42,000 words, and I'd never come close to repeating that length again since I wrote it back when I was 14.

I think part of working on longer form fiction is accepting it might not get finished, and then doing it anyway. Basically, hope for the best, expect the worst, because if you never try, it'll never get done in the first place. I didn't really set out to write a novel when I came up with Beau's story. Like, I wasn't thinking about length or what it'd be, I just tried to conceive of what story I could do with him and how it might take shape. I don't know if I even planned on writing it, I just wanted to know his story.

With SOBR, I consider myself incredibly lucky, because I simply had a start-to-finish storyline within a couple days of working on it. Sure, a lot of details weren't set and many things could change, but I had an idea for the beginning, middle, and end to some extent. But you don't need to immediately have all your ideas for it to work, to be clear. I do think that having some idea of the full story is pretty essential to success. A lot of details can change, but if you have the overarching ideas, I think that helps a lot. I know there's a lot of jokes and memes about writers having no idea what to do in the middle or being stuck on the ending, but those really can be story-killers to be honest.

I'm speaking very broadly, I'll try to get into what I think my process was in a second, but a couple last minute things: you don't need to have a start to finish idea immediately, like I said. Something I think is important about the process of developing story ideas aside from like. Just thinking about it a lot is talking about it with other people. I don't know if you're the same way, but I feel like talking to friends / others about ideas makes it easier for me to clarify these ideas and develop them. Whether that's because people can give you ideas, or ask questions, or think about things in a different way than you or just being able to sharpen your idea by having to explain it to somebody, I find this super helpful.

It's also helpful because, like, okay. I've said many times you really do have to write for yourself first because that's true. All of my writing is written with myself as the audience, weird or specific or whatever it may end up being. But that doesn't mean that positive feedback isn't valuable or important to me. It's a motivator to know there could be a few people out there who enjoy what I've done. It makes it easier for me to think about my work and to work on it. So part of it is having to get over the fear of sharing, or feeling awkward talking about new characters with people, because my experience overwhelmingly is that people want to hear about this stuff.

When it comes to working on developing the ideas and outlining, I will say the very obvious advice: WRITE EVERY SINGLE IDEA DOWN. Even if it's obvious, or you're 100% certain you'll remember. Still write it down. I have a private server on Discord where I save links and pictures and snippets of writing, and I throw every idea that comes my way in the SOBR channel for me to either implement into the chapter I'm writing or into the outline. I think making these ideas concrete by writing them down-- not necessarily as a commitment but as keeping it filed away to return to.

The ideas become much fuller when you take every idea you have seriously to some extent. I struggled to make an outline for SOBR 2 but because I was taking note of every idea, I was able to piece together at least a semi-presentable idea for the story flow? It makes things easier and gives you a jumping off point. The outline is the other important part, of course. I used to never outline things, but for long-form works, you have to. You just do. Because you'll forget, or you won't see the full picture, or whatever. Figure out how all these pieces will fit together, how that scene you pictured way down the line can be reached in a natural manner. I had to connect a bunch of scenes from late game SOBR to the beginning, and although the details of how, exactly, I got there changed, I knew generally what path to take.

Insofar as beginning a project of any kind, I think just doing it without feeling compelled to finish but wanting to helps. I wrote the first chapter of SOBR to test out the characters and get a feel for the world and how I wanted to approach the story and its conflict. But although I wanted to see the story through to its natural end, I just wanted to get something done first. A little step leads to a big step. It doesn't have to perfect, it just has to be done. And once you get started, I find it easy to keep going.

But you also have to accept the possibility you may fall out of interest or the rhythm for a while. I wrote the first 4 chapters, or 30,000 words, of SOBR over the course of February to May last year. And then I didn't touch the fucking thing for four months. I felt awful. I was so discouraged that I would leave my first solid original idea behind and not work on it, even though the next chapter I had to write was supposed to be "easy" to write. I just never did it because I didn't feel the vibe anymore. But I still liked Beau and the characters.

Circling back to what I said before, what motivated me to try again was talking to others about the idea. Namely, when I started talking to some of my new friends, like Clark / @/twothpaste for example, who became interested after I started discussing some of the late game details of the story, I felt motivated because I knew there were people who wanted to read the story or wanted to see how things could get so far. It's motivating when you hear other people care. It's why I've been so motivated to work on reader feedback and publishing this year; because my coworkers cared about reading it!

Similarly, I had friends reading along as I worked on it. Clark, my friend Maggie are the main two, but I had other friends test out the early chapters. It was nice seeing how people responded and if my writing was working as intended.

In conjunction with this, although I very rarely ever write out of order, I decided to approach SOBR from a new perspective; I still skipped writing the "easy" chapter when I got back to it in September. Instead, I started from act 3 with some chapters I knew I could write and explore. Although eventually I had to change many small details, I knew what I expected from this part of the story, and got back into the world from an interesting part. I kept going for a few chapters, and once I knew it was going to get too complicated, I moved back to finishing the story in chronological order.

You have to approach your work from outside the box sometimes to maintain momentum. It's easy to get discouraged when you get stuck, but you have to find another way to make it work. Take months long breaks. Try from another scene, another act. I hate to do it, but it got me to actually start writing the fucking thing again, so I know it works.

I know I'm going beyond the scope of your question, but I do feel like the process of the middle parts is also kind of important.

To get back towards what I was actually fucking asked, I guess I can boil down the process as thus:

Discuss the ideas with others / brainstorm / write everything down

Try to arrange ideas into outline / overarching plot

Test out writing initial chapters; potentially spirals into fully writing the piece

Accept you may fall in and out of motivation; accept you may not finish it at all, but do it anyways

Keep sharing with people!!!! Don't be embarrassed or afraid, people want to hear about it!!!

I don't know if this helps much. I fear a lot of what I said is obvious advice, but unfortunately, it's tried and true. It's just putting yourself out there, being willing to try even if you might fail to finish it. And just keep thinking. Not every idea will make it in, but every idea can make the story stronger.

Also, like, I'm not going to lie. Having autism actually really helped because I became so obsessed with SOBR in September I could do nothing but finish it, but I tried to give advice that people can actually follow, y'know KRKFN I'm motivated by whatever my special interest is, but it's possible to write without that! SOBR started well before it became my special interest. It just takes more energy and devotion. Anyone can do it, with or without obsession.

After all, it's such a fleeting thing too. My interests can change rapidly, which is also why I was scared of starting projects. What if I got bored halfway through and dropped the project? In fact, here's an example: when I got really into Ace Attorney this year, I plotted out a long-form fic that I began work on. I did my outline, wrote a few chapters, got around 12,000 words in, and then I got out of Ace Attorney and back into SOBR and that was that. I dropped the project, and yes, I think that's a shame, but I also accept that that's a possibility for any project.

But it won't stop me from working on the stories I want to write. I can't worry about if it'll get done. It doesn't get done if I don't try at all. I try to remind myself of that quite often. I won't always succeed, but I never will if I don't give it a shot. And hey, maybe some day I'll come back to it. But for now, no, I won't, and that's that. I have other things to work on anyway.

So... I hope this helps! Thank you for asking me, I appreciate you want my perspective on it!

[redgoldblue]

iffff you would still like to do the kiss roulette thing: 🎲 + s&h

(kiss roulette)

Hilariously, both you and ACL sent me S&H and both of your numbers were the #horny prompts. And while I probably could (and lowkey kinda did) find a way to make ACL’s not horny, this one is easier to twist.

“Starsky, you really shouldn’t be doing this.”

“The doctor said it was fine for me to do light work.”

“The pertinent word being light, Starsky. Not hiking halfway up a stepladder carrying a heavy painting.”

“I’m not carrying the painting anymore,” Starsky points out, obviously doing his best impression of someone who thinks that's a good argument.

“Only because there was no-one in the grocery store and I got home early. I could’ve come home to you collapsed on the floor with your stitches busted.”

“Oh, come on. It was one stab wound.”

“Stab wound, love of my life. Stab. Wound.” Hutch infuses the endearment with as much derision as he can, and judging by the glare Starsky shoots down at him, it comes through.

Hutch sighs and rests the painting against the wall. It's one of his, a sunset landscape of the hills that ring Bay City, that's been in exactly the same place - on the floor in the corner of the bedroom, along with a dozen others - ever since he painted it, and he would have been perfectly content to leave it there. But interior decoration is the latest thing Starsky's been driven to by the horrors of convalescence, and Hutch's walls are suffering the results.

"You know I don't even want that hanging up," he tries anyway, despite knowing it's useless.

"You should have at least one of your paintings up!" Starsky exclaims, and slaps the wall for emphasis. He's still on painkillers, which is another reason Hutch doesn't want him up a goddamn ladder. "They're good."

"The drugs sure are," Hutch mutters.

"The drugs are nothing. Your paintings are something."

Resting his hands on his hips, Hutch looks up at Starsky. "Are you going to come down?"

"Whaddayathink."

Hutch sighs. "Yeah." There are certain things in life one simply has to philosophically accept, and sometimes those things are your drugged and wounded partner on a stepladder. "Just- don't move, okay."

Starsky obediently pauses, with the hand he'd been waving around frozen in mid-air and a distinct sense of waiting for the audience reaction. Hutch gives him what he's looking for and laughs, because he's a sucker.

Starsky relaxes but, to his credit, stays still as Hutch backs off and assesses. Unfortunately, Starsky actually has picked the best spot for the painting - out of direct light but still bright enough to see it, in a wallspan large enough that it won't be dominated by it but not so large that it will look strange by itself. Meaning Hutch can't use that excuse to get him down and then possibly just tackle him onto the couch, which had been an option under consideration.

Sighing, he rests his left hand on Starsky's hip and brushes a kiss next to it, where the flannel he stole from Hutch's closet - and is wearing with one low button hanging on for dear life - has ridden up to expose soft skin.

"Ah-ah," Starsky chides, and twists to look down at Hutch and ruffle a hand through his hair. "You're not gonna distract me that easy."

That honestly hadn't been Hutch's intention - it had been more automatic reflex than anything - but he can't deny it would have been a valiant effort. "Okay, okay. Turn back around."

Hutch leans down to get the painting again, then steels himself to lift it to Starsky.

Who, of course, immediately grabs it and hoists it up like he wasn't bleeding in an alley in the foetal position a week ago. With a faint noise of protest, Hutch moves back as fast as he can and grabs hold of Starsky's hips to steady him, elbows on the top of the ladder to steady himself.

Grinning, Starsky takes one hand off the painting and waves it in the air. "Look, Ma, no hands!"

Hutch groans and buries his face against Starsky's lower back. "You're going to kill me. Or I'm going to kill you."

"Which one?"

"I still haven't decided."

Starsky's hand pats his shoulder comfortingly.

There's a few moments of silence where Hutch keeps Starsky gripped firmly and his eyes closed equally firmly and tries not to picture blood all over his nice clean rugs. Then Starsky says, "Ta-da!", shortly followed by, "Hutchinson, look at me."

"Do I have to?"

"You know, I'm liable to get offended if you don't. I'm very easy on the eyes, so I've been told."

"Don't believe everything you're told," Hutch mutters, for form's sake, but peels himself off Starsky's skin enough to look up. Starsky looks fine, complete with proud smirk and the painting hanging behind him. Having it up isn't going to help Hutch stop seeing the spot in the corner where the paint dried wrong and the stroke over the far right hill that went slightly left of where it should have been, but it's possible Starsky's unwavering enthusiasm might help him focus on the bits that went right as well.

"I still hate you," he tells him, and tugs on the bottom of his shirt.

Instead of coming down, Hutch's intended request, Starsky brushes his hands off enough to awkwardly shuffle around in place - which Hutch watches in long-suffering silence, braced to catch him - and sits down on top of the stepladder. He reaches for Hutch's shoulders. "Hey."

"Hello," Hutch obligingly parrots.

"I promise I'm not going to kill myself in your house under your supervision."

"It's a little late for that."

"I still gotta come down."

Hutch groans. "I will lift you."

"Yeah?" Starsky asks, waggling his eyebrows. "Where you gonna put me, sailor?"

"Somewhere soft and at ground level. Possibly with bars."

"Kinky." Smiling, Starsky twists his grip into Hutch's shirt and pulls him as close as he can get with the ladder still between them. He drops a glancing kiss to Hutch's lips, then says, "Am I allowed to kiss you, or are you too worried about busting my stitches?"

"Mm," Hutch grunts. "I'll allow it."

"Good to know." He moves one arm to wrap around Hutch's shoulders, then leans in again.

In the ensuing moments, Hutch almost manages to forget about the imminent danger to his walls, his rugs, and his partner.

[gynandromorph]

Hi, more Jessie questions (apologies if you got these before, I didn't scroll down to the initial post);

In the sushi comic Emily says Jessie could just go with 'that sushi' and get the sushi she wants, and I'm gonna assume that's true. But does that mean the power is relative, or is it based around Jessie? Let's say Jessie goes to a hardware store, and forgets what specific type of screws she needed to get. If she were to go 'those screws' will the power know what she is referring to, or will the power default to what it thinks she wants? If Jessie plum forgot about the screws and then remembered them in the parking lot, could she go 'get those screws' and have them appear in her bag, or would she have to go back into the hardware store for the power to understand the command? Or would Jessie have the clearance of mind to go 'make me remember what screws to get' and avoid this entire hypothetical?

And;

What happens if someone prays to Jessie? Abrahamic* prayer is really weird, because nobody tells you that a prayer is not a wish. From my own experience (Anglican, non-conformist and high church) people love talking about the impossible power of the thing above you, but not in a way that helps you think about communication with it. I've gotten a lot more out of prayer since following the Gods, because the Gods are, imo, humanities stewards, but both of us are controlled by the fates. Even if the prayer is honoured, fate can invalidate the reason for the prayer, and neither me nor the Gods can do anything about it. But the God is a sustainer, the reason why humanity is, so people treat it like a wish giver. If life goes well for you, than the God answered your wishes, and you pass that along as what prayer is. If the God does not answer your wishes, you did not pray hard enough. Accepting that the old god is not 1:1 the God, I assume prayer works in a similar way to our world. So how does this effect Jessie? Can she hear prayers? If she can, can she turn off the prayers or respond to them? Obviously Jessie is a bastard dirt creature, I love her for it, so can she just chose to fuck with someone by responding to their prayers 'wrong'?

And;

I love how you draw pogs so much. The sushi comic really made me think about it because holy shit, Jessie pog, but it's just something you're really good at drawing! There's a dupe picture from a while back of dupe and I think gray (?) Pogging at each other, and that dupe pog has become my default pog when I think of a pog. Just true Platonic ideal of a pog

Thrilling questions going on here. If I knew more about demonstratives, this would likely be easier to explain, but, if the audience gets it, the power "gets" it - for the most part. In the screw example, if Jessie had mentioned getting screws at the store, retrieving "those screws" after forgetting them would work, because the audience would understand what screws she is talking about. If she tried to refer to "those screws" to remember the screws, or learn what screws she needed, this wouldn't work, because she's trying to reference knowledge she and the story don't have. Similarly, she could invoke retrieving "those screws" for as long as it would register to a competent member of the audience. She could even get the right screws by looking at what she needs the screws for and then invoking "those screws." Another example is "that guy" -- Jessie usually specifies what "guy" she is referring to with a small identifying descriptor, because it won't work in a crowd. She could be referring to many guys. However, with only one other guy around, she could just say "that guy." On top of that, "a guy" can work. "A jogger" can work if there is only one person jogging in the vicinity, etc.

Second question: Jewish prayer actually does structure itself in a way that is like making a request to a king -- it would be rude to walk in and ask for a favor first, so it is sandwiched in between prayers that are only praise. I don't know about other forms of worship, but it is sometimes accounted for in a faith. I never like seeing Judaism lumped in with more general terms if it isn't accurate, so I have to nitpick. It's great that you brought up fate. Fate is

an important concept

in Idletry

which it goes great lengths to explore indirectly.

It is one of the core thematic concepts of the story, and consequently, I need to dance around it to avoid some of the biggest spoilers in Idletry. The way fate is described here, I would simply consider it another God which controls all else except, perhaps, itself. The story takes it a different direction, where I'd say that fate is uncontrollable, but also entirely controlled by the individual. As far as we know, Jessie isn't subject to inevitabilities such as fate. Tangents aside, the "prayers delivered through Twiddler arguments" bit is actual canon, so Jessie needs to be bored enough to check her Twiddler feed to even notice prayers. She listens to them directly at first, and quickly decides that is very overwhelming AND boring -- the Twiddler decree is not only for entertainment, but to force prayer to be easily turned on and off (for Jessie). She can also respond to them directly (on Twiddler, usually). She can and absolutely has fucked with people just because she didn't like what they prayed for, how they conveyed what they want, or I even have a joke where she responds to someone's prayer saying she won't help them because they don't have pronouns in bio. The snowglobe guy specifically argued with Jessie on Twiddler because she wouldn't acknowledge a particular prayer. The religious organization that springs up to worship her initially spends most of its time reviewing and refining the prayer formats of its congregants; it entices more people to join because wishes they post on Twiddler tend to be granted (or at least taken well). Am considering having them more involved in the handling of prayer later on, but there may simply not be enough time in the plot in between their introduction and Jessie going bitchcakes.

this pog takes up 50% of my language processing.