#because i get so confused when scott's like 'they're just kids!'

[shih-coulda-had-it]

lead me, wind-rider

[starlightervarda]

I can't sleep so Star Trek TOS/SNW dashboard simulator

🪆 chekovsgunman Follow

to this day I can't understand why they're called the Three Musketeers if there's FOUR of them? Did Dumas just forget his own main character???

🪴 plantdad Follow

You've got to be kidding me

🪆 chekovsgunman Follow

I know right? A mistake like this would never happen in Russian literature!

5,324 notes

🩺 therealmccoy Follow

After months of taking care of everyone else on this giant tin can I really earned this shore leave. Now I get to drink, relax, flirt with some lovely ladies and sleep until noon 😎 Just what the the doctor ordered!

🩺 therealmccoy Follow

Update: A fucking purple tree ate five crewmen. Again.

955 notes

🖖 iamspock Follow

Despite being among humans for close to a decade, I still find their tendency to overcomplicate and avoid aspects of social situations to be confusing at best and infuriating at worst. So much time is wasted on tedious matters such as who gets to 'make the first move' or 'not come off too strong'.

For example, everyone aboard my vessel is keenly aware of Lt. Uhura and Engineer Scott's 'budding romance'. But their need to extend their oddly avoidant courtship ritual, rather than outright state their interest in one another, is pointless, as well as frustrating to witness.

Why do they do this? Why not 'get it over with', as they say?

I encourage answers from all cultures, human or otherwise.

💅 janicethemenace Follow

I'm sorry Scotty and Nyota are WHAT

💉 xtinechapel Follow

DELETE THIS

💖 ofmanytongues Follow

SPOCK NOOO HE DOESN'T THINK OF ME LIKE THAT 😭

🔧 scott-free Follow

But I do! I thought you knew and were just being nice about it!

💖 ofmanytongues Follow

DMing you rn 😳

🖖 iamspock Follow

You're welcome.

24,103 notes

🌟 j_tiberius_k Follow

PSA: If you visit Antares VII, stay clear of any yellow plants, their pollen can have some...inconvenient effects on the biology of humanoid peoples.

My XO and I suffered through troubling symptoms until it was almost too late. Thankfully, we figured out a cure in time.

🪴 plantdad Follow

I can only find info on the symptoms. What was the cure? 👀

🌟 j_tiberius_k Follow

Do I really have to say it?

6,322 notes

💊 mmmbenga Follow

The galaxy if Klingons didn't exist

⚔️ glorytotheempire Follow

Wow. Humans are openly advocating for our disappearance yet Klingons are the bad guys? I thought your federation stood for peace.

💊 mmmbenga Follow

Cry harder you genocidal wrinkly-faced bitch I hope your planet gets sucked into a black hole

#If you think a joke is on par with what they do then book an MRI because you might have brain damage #fuck Klingons and anyone that sympathizes with them

35,007 notes

😎 ortegaaaas Follow

So I can either skim through this asteroid belt on Warp 2 for 3 hrs or on Warp 5 for 15 mins

🚀 mitchiemitch Follow

Erica no! That's not how navigation works!

😎 ortegaaaas Follow

FLOOR IT???

🚀 mitchiemitch Follow

ERICA NO

😎 ortegaaaas Follow

HOW ABOUT WARP 7 FOR 15 SECONDS?

💖 ofmanytongues Follow

ERICA YOU'RE GOING TO CRASH THE SHIP

😎 ortegaaaas Follow

I AM GOING TO HARNESS LIGHT-SPEED TO ZIGZAG THROUGH THE VOID

🚀 mitchiemitch

ERICA P L E A S E

112,517 notes

🐴 sirsilverfox Follow

I know some species are very private, but you'd think they'd share the important stuff, esp when we should trust each other by now.

How are we supposed to enjoy my weekly dinners if you all don't tell me what to watch out for :/ This is the third time this happens to the same person and I had to get the answer why from our CMO

💫 numerouna Follow

Wait what did I miss while I was gone

🐴 sirsilverfox Follow

Spock got wasted on my chocolate fudge cake and hit his head on the counter ://///

2,904 notes

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Hi ! So I had an idea for a Matthew Patel x reader fanfic, where the reader is playing Ramona in his Scott Pilgrim musical, and when they have to kiss for the play, in front of the whole theatre, they see sparks, but can't talk about it until the play is over. Like realizing they're in love or something, I hope I explained it well- thanks<3

"🎶 Howwww do I tell him my exes are evil?🎶"

Standing alone on the stage, you sang your heart out to the adoring audience, the spotlight shining down upon you and your dyed rainbow hair.

You weren't even nervous about performing for Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Musical anymore. Everything seemed to come naturally the moment it came time for your soliloquy as Ramona Flowers.

Indeed, for the play you were starring as her, with your first solo number being an emotional lament on the inevitability of Scott fighting all seven of the evil exes in order to date you freely.

It seemed silly when you read the script for the first time...but now?

You were absolutely killing it, as you could hear a few cheers from the crowd.

Even Ramona herself was sitting there, looking quite entertained by your reenactment of her...whereas the real Scott Pilgrim was right next to her, appearing the exact opposite. He just seemed really confused and annoyed..

But you couldn't blame him for feeling somewhat mocked considering he was presumed dead after his fight with Matthew--only to suddenly come back without much of an explanation and realize this musical was all about him.

Speaking of whom, he probably felt more insulted by Ramona's actual first evil ex starring as him, wearing his coat and a ridiculous orange wig that hardly looked anything like his own hair.

Nevertheless, his other friends and all the Exes seemed to be genuinely enjoying the show. Some even teared up at your incredible acting skills and moving singing voice.

Among them was Matthew, who was hanging out backstage and preening himself until it was time for his cue.

You two have been friends for a long time, even before he knew the League was something that existed. Being theatre kids, you two were more than eager to get this musical to take off..and maybe get it on Broadway itself if the opening night was received well.

So far..it was being received extremely well. Every other actor knew their lines and sang flawlessly, putting their heart and soul into each performance just as you and Matthew did.

Although....there were a few minor hiccups--such as the part where him, Scott, Ramona, some of their friends, and the remaining Exes were all mysteriously warped out of the theater by a red portal. But they eventually returned and everyone figured it was part of the play, so it continued on without a hitch.

During one of the final acts, there was a "special" scene planned that you and Matthew have only 99% rehearsed...

Because the other 1% had to be done right the first time. It was the most highly-anticipated part of this musical:

The kiss.

One that proved Ramona truly loved Scott, forever securing their happily ever after.

When it came time for the scene, the stage darkened everywhere, with the light only shining down on you and "Scott". He took a deep breath as he turned to you, taking your hands into his own, wearing a gentle smile.

You both stared into each other's eyes for a long time, soft piano music playing in the background.

Your heart was thumping in your chest, as was Matthew's as you two tried to focus on your line delivery and nothing else.

"Ramona?"

"Yes, Scott?"

"...I love you."

"I love you, too. You saved me. Saved our relationship..and I could never thank you enough."

"Hah, I should be the one thanking you...because I finally stood up for myself, and for us!"

"Oh, Scott.."

At that point, some of the spectators began to chant for the kiss--with Wallace being the loudest, of course--and you could only smile bashfully, not realizing how fast this part came up until now.

Yet for some reason, Matthew appeared unusually nervous, red rising to his cheeks as he squeezed your hands rather tightly. You didn't know why he was acting this way, considering you've seen him do kiss scenes in past plays.

But you figured that since this was his first major theater performance, he was only nervous about wanting everything to be perfect. So you gave him a reassuring nod that said "it's okay, you can do this."

Fortunately, he seemed to understand, as a moment later he pulled you into a passionate kiss, lips crashing against yours.

The volume of the applause and cheering grew tenfold; some people even gave you a standing ovation even though the play was nowhere near over.

They loved it.

They absolutely loved it.

And honestly? You kinda liked kissing Matthew in front of everybody, partially wishing this wasn't just for the play..

But while the special effects team went to work recreating the "spark phenomenon" with glitter, confetti, and more....there was something going on between you and him that nobody else could see:

The real sparks that manifested after you both parted.

Your heart jumped into your throat as you watched them fade away, before looking at him.

Judging from his face, you knew that he most definitely saw them, too.

You've been skeptical of the sparks in the past, as you've dated several people yet never saw them at all.

So...why were you only seeing them now? And why with Matthew, of all people?

Did it have something to do with you dressing up like his ex-girlfriend?

Or was he finally looking beyond that curtain and discovering that he actually loved you?

Regardless, now wasn't the time to be thinking about any of that stuff, as you noticed he was slowly going off-script...something that you've never seen happen before. His hands shook and he seemed to forget his mic was still on.

"S-Sparks.." He stammered out, still giving you a wide-eyed stare.

"I...guess there were sparks, after all." You hastily salvaged the situation with a small laugh, putting your improv skills to work. "I never believed in such things until I met you, Scott Pilgrim."

After the lights dimmed, the cheering persisted as you grabbed his hand and half-dragged him backstage. By that point he seemed to have snapped out of his trance, deciding to scramble to prepare for the final musical number with everyone in the cast coming out.

But despite him returning to his snippy attitude with the makeup artists, he could barely look your way without blushing immensely...and quite frankly, you couldn't get rid of your smile.

'Shit..he's in love with me, I just know it..' You sighed as you sat comfortably in the chair, letting the wardrobe crew swap your dyed wig with a different colored one.

As badly as you both wanted to talk about what just happened...you knew it had to wait.

For the show must go on.

........

After the musical was finished, you changed your outfit and searched around backstage for Matthew, hoping you could finally discuss the sparks you both saw.

Soon you stumbled upon him, Gideon, and Julie...and for a moment, you were nervous.

Considering what happened between the two guys, you figured all hell was about to break loose--and apparently it almost did during the play since Gideon rigged the overhead area with dynamite. It was out of pure revenge for all of his assets being taken.

Yet it seems all was forgiven as they hugged it out, laughing with tears in their eyes, before Gideon and Julie walked away hand-in-hand.

Now that Matthew was finally alone, you had your chance.

"Since when did you two become besties?"

With a small yelp, he spun around quickly, relaxing as he realized it was only you. "Oh! Uh..no. I just...decided to give him back the company, and he let me keep the musical." He grinned, although it appeared rather forced. "That's all."

"I see.." You sighed, stepping closer to him. "Listen, we need to talk about-"

"I know." He answered bluntly. "I....saw them, too. And those weren't any special effects. They were legit."

"...are you sure about that?"

Matthew looked taken aback, as he just gawked at your question.

"Let me rephrase that," you cleared your throat. "I confess that I saw them because of you. The real you. But..I don't know if you saw them because of the real me."

"...I'm not following."

"Did you only see them because I looked like you ex-girlfriend?"

"N-No!" He nearly shouted, his cheeks flaring red as his stare remained intense. "I've moved on from her, I swear!"

Part of you remained skeptical yet. "I may need some convincing."

Before he could ask you why, you interrupted him by bringing him into a kiss this time. It initially shocked him, but he quickly melted into it, cupping your face in both of his hands.

Just like before, the sparks were there. Not as brilliant or explosive as the first time...yet they were all the proof you two needed.

Now you knew for sure that your love was real and true.

Matthew was quick to pull you back in for one more kiss after seeing them, desperate and wanting you as close as physically possible.

It probably would have escalated into a full-blown makeout session had you not heard the voices of the other Exes drawing nearer.

You immediately parted and saw them all standing there, looking utterly shocked at what they were witnessing. But you had no shame, instead smiling and waving to them as you held his hand.

"Great news, guys...G-Man's not the only one with a hot date anymore." You winked to your new boyfriend, whose ears turned red with embarrassment.

The group then smiled back, happy for your new relationship and trusting that you'll treat him with all the love and respect he deserved.

Before either of you knew it, you were being carried out of the theatre on the shoulders of Todd and Lucas, while the rest of the gang--along with Scott and Ramona--followed suit, eager to celebrate the play's success.

But tonight wasn't just about that.

It was also about what the future held in store for you and Matthew.

[mcytshipsandmore]

A Gempearl, Majorbeans, Shadowrot enemies to lover's band au featuring Imp and Skizz being the only two who know what's up.

Now listen to me talk about this cause the likelihood of me actually writing this is low.

It starts with Gem and the Scott's being a small band that just performs for fun, but over time Gem loses her passion for the band and leaves.

Scott and Impulse still want to perform though so they reach out to two of their mutual friends Pearl and Cleo to make the 4 G's (and Pearl definitely isn't Gems ex)

The 4 G's perform and start to get really popular to the point that they end up opening for a smaller band on tour.

Gem is happy for her friends and not at all salty that her former bandmates got her Ex to join them nope not at all.

And to show off how not Salty she is she decides to get back into music and make her own band (Again).

Gem asks Joel (Who has a known one-sided rivalry with Scott), Lizzie (Who has a grudge against Cleo that is returned but nobody knows what the grudge is about) and Skizz (Impulses bestie and Queer platonic partner who's just here for a fun time) and they form The Family.

The 4 G's are just happy that Gem has her passion back, meanwhile The Family is being ever so slightly passive aggressive to the 4 G's with them often seeking the G's out to brag about how well they're doing.

Then the 4 G’s audition for one of those singing talent comp tv shows like the Voice or X factor so naturally The Family audition as well, both teams make it into the show, which also means that The Family’s grudges (minus Skizzs who keeps hyping up Impulse any chance he gets with Impulse doing the same) gets known.

Nothing stays a secret, Gem and Pearl's past relationship somehow gets out to the fans which confuses them because they swear that Pearl and Gem still flirt, and Pearl follows Gem around like a lost puppy. How are they not dating!?!? 

After the finale when it was The Family vs The 4 G’s Pearl and Gem are spotted out on a date having talked some stuff through. 

It’s still toxic ‘cause toxic Gem Pearl is the best but it's a type of Toxicity they are fine with and isn’t that all we can ask for? Really they did it to themselves, they thrive off of the rivalry.

People also find out what Cleo and Lizzies grudge is about, during an interview with Lizzie she reveals that in Kindergarten Cleos friend Bigb wanted to play with Lizzie in her fairy fort she made of blocks and Cleo got upset so they knocked over all the blocks.

Both sides hear this and immediately know what's up with those two because seriously? And so, with a little push from the other G’s Cleo does a “How can I make it up to you?” to which Lizzie responds with “Maybe if you buy me a nice dinner I might consider forgiving you,” and so the two start dating like that.

Everyone loves it, Cleo and their whole vibe beside their tiny pink girlfriend.

Joel on the other hand gets angrier and angrier at Scott, and his stupid kindness and his pretty voice and how his stupid hair looks sooooo good in the light they use to perform and how he's actually really good at playing the bass and everything about him!

Everyone immediately clocks on to the fact that Joel has a crush on Scott. They 100% ship them and they may or may not end up making out after one of The Family's performances cause Scott comes up to complement Joel and well Joel's never had much self control.

Meanwhile, Imp and Skizz are living their best lives playing with their friends and pushing them together.

After the competition both bands kinda drop from public face, it was nice being in the limelight like that but they really prefer smaller jigs, plus they don’t want paparazzi in their faces all the time

lizzie is so real for the kindergarten grudge tbh (I've had a grudge since middle school because a kid owes me money)

And Impulse n Skizz sitting back and watching the drama

-🍫

[kitchenisking]

Day 6

No Refunds or Exchanges by badwolfbadwolf  - (Rating: Mature, Words: 18,916, sterek)

Stiles is the newest deputy in the Beacon Hills Sheriff’s Department, and has maybe just been a little in love with Derek Hale since Stiles had made a fool of himself in front of him at the SD summer picnic a few years ago. Being married to him—only for the sake of not getting deported—is going to suck in new and unusual ways.

Survival of the Species by Lissadiane  - (Rating: Explicit , Words: 19,370, sterek)

“I think I’m dying.” Nothing makes sense – and now Derek has left him.

“No, Mr. Stilinski,” Deaton says grimly, rooting around in his special cupboard of herbs and remedies. “I’m afraid not. You’re merely suffering from a biological imperative to bear your alpha’s children and strengthen the pack.”

Stiles considers that for a moment, as best he can with his mind a hazy mess, and then he says quietly, “I think that might be worse.”

“So, so much worse,” Scott agrees. * In which Derek's pack is apparently stable enough to begin planning for the future, and somehow, the universe has decided Stiles is the perfect candidate to bear his alpha's children.

Imagine Me And You by callunavulgari, hiza-chan (callunavulgari) - (Rating: T, Words: 16,080, sterek)

“My name,” the kid tells Derek, sounding amused. “It’s Stiles. I figure if I’m going to wrestle a complete stranger for a pumpkin the least I can do is offer my name afterwards.”

“Stiles,” Derek tries, testing the way the name sits on his tongue. “I’m Derek.”

“Derek,” Stiles breathes, like he’s testing the weight of the name too. He grins, bright and blinding, which Derek guesses means that he likes the sound of it. “I’d offer to shake your hand, but since we almost got to second base a minute ago, I’d say we’re past that point.”

Bitten Saved Pack by TheRealDanniX - (Rating: T, Words: 7,488, sterek)

Gerard didn't just rough Stiles up. He was aiming to kill. Derek can't take that. Scott doesn't like how Derek fixes it.

*nobody dies

All Coming Back, Like It Was Never Gone by LadyDrace  - (Rating: T, Words: 2,756, sterek)

Stiles and Derek spend a summer looking for Boyd and Erica. During that summer they're... something. Something that never becomes much of anything.

But then, years later, it all comes back.

Point me where my life begins by Gotta_seduce_the_Rainbow - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 39,430, sterek)

When Derek wakes up without his memory, he is left with nothing but a note he wrote himself. He no longer remembers anything personal, not himself, not anyone else.

The note is pointing him towards the town Beacon Hills and once he is there, he is greeted by strangers telling him “Dude, I didn’t know you’re back in town”, which is confusing. Apparently, he grew up in Beacon Hills, but left a few years ago without telling anyone about it.

There is this one stranger, who calls him dude and has the most amazing scent. Derek might just want to start his new life here. With this person.

Stupid Over You by Wolfspurr - (Rating: T, Words: 10,461, sterek)

It's a Friday night, and instead of enjoying any of the numerous things he'd rather be doing, Stiles has been roped into dinner with his dad at the Hale's. On the plus side, Derek Hale will be there. On the minus side, Derek Hale will be there, and Stiles already has a hard enough time not making an ass of himself in front of the hottest guy in school. There's no way this can end well.

the shape of my heart by Winchesterek - (Rating: Mature, Words: 4,807, sterek)

Stiles never thought he'd meet someone like Derek. Someone that was in a similar situation as he was - raising kids that weren't biologically his. It was even wilder because Derek was his god daughters first grade teacher and she was best friends with Derek's niece and nephew.

And Derek was hot. So hot that Stiles couldn't help ogling him every time they spent any amount of time around each other, including play dates and lunch in the school cafeteria with their kids. So Derek asking him out for Valentine's Day? That was just icing on the cake. Plus, Stiles was already head over heels for him.

My Wolf by Dexterous_Sinistrous - (Rating: T, Words: 7,654, sterek)

“If he wants to mate Stiles, why not let him?” Jackson asked, ready to part with Stiles if need be.

“Because if I did that, I’d be demoting Lydia,” Alpha Stilinski replied.

“We don’t even know how good of a Beta he is,” Lydia countered, bristling some that her status was being challenged.

“That’s because he’s not a Beta,” Alpha Stilinski stated. “He’s an Alpha.”

A Divine Move by alikatastic - (Rating: Not Rated, Words: 2,138, sterek)

After Derek died, Peter was the one to let Stiles know. Stiles rushed to Beacon Hills to attend Derek's funeral and take care of Eli. When Peter takes Stiles to the Nemeton to show Stiles what happened, they make a discovery. Derek was trapped in the nemeton. All they had to do was pull him out.

[wheredidhiseyebrowsgo]

im so tired of sterek fics where derek is like really mean or just aloof to stiles until they get together. do you have an recs where derek is just a sweetheart who's always soft on stiles even before they get together?

Here's softboi!derek.

let me take care of you by honestlydarkprincess

(1/1 I 1,1311 I Teen)

Stiles couldn’t do anything but stare at the alpha werewolf as he rambled while unloading the aforementioned supplies from the grocery bag to Stiles’ counter.

Nothing Stiles was seeing made sense.

Why was Derek here, in his apartment, with cold medicine and fucking soup?

Or, the one where Derek comes over to take care of a sick Stiles. They talk about their moms and confess some feelings. It's all very soft.

An Anchor for the Storm by andthwip

(1/1 I 3,246 I Mature)

Derek's the only person Stiles can turn to.

Give Me Shelter by WonderWolf

(1/1 I 8,295 I Teen)

I don’t make a good impression, I know,” Derek grumbles. “It’s fine. I get it.”

“Noooo,” Stiles groans in frustration, “but it isn’t fair because you’re not that guy, you’re not an asshole and you give cats punny names so they have a better chance at being adopted.”

“Who told you I named the cats?” Derek asks, his brows scrunching together in confusion.

“Scott,” Stiles smirks. “My favorite so far was Purrsephone.”

(Or the one in which Derek and Stiles both volunteer at an animal shelter, Derek works with cats and gives them punny names, Stiles works with the dogs, and misunderstandings ensue).

If It Means a Lot to You by Nier

(1/1 I 9,356 I Teen)

His mom had told him about mates in the past. Derek would often come home and just hear stories about how his parents had met and fallen for each other, how they had gotten together after learning about what they truly meant to one another.

He was a kid when she told him all this, so it didn't really make much sense to him at the time. All he could do was sit there on the edge of her bed, listening as his mother talked about how love is an act of courage. If you don't take that first step, then everything else is impossible too.

Set a Song for Me by isthatbloodonhisshirt (wasterella) 

(1/1 I 11,573 i Teen)

“You did a favour for a stranger?” the sheriff asked, surprised. “You won’t even do a favour for me.”

“Your favours involve chocolate and salty snacks, damn straight I won’t do you any favours,” Stiles insisted, pointing an accusatory finger at his dad while leaning back against the counter, taking another large sip of coffee. “Some guy lost his phone and was calling it hoping someone would answer. That someone was me. He said he’d had some drinks and couldn’t come grab it right then, so we agreed to meet at the station this morning. I didn’t realize ‘this morning’ meant the ass crack of dawn.”

“It’s not the ass crack of dawn, that was at five thirty-seven, according to the weather app on my phone.”

Stiles let out a sarcastic laugh and flipped his dad off. The sheriff gave him a look, but he didn’t reprimand him, clearly able to tell Stiles was miserable.

Love At It's Purest by AbsolutelyNot2801

(12/? I 24,218 I Mature)

Sometimes Derek does things that makes Stiles think his crush is not completely one-sided, like gentle touches, soothing words and embraces like the one they were in that morning. And then he goes and does something stupid like getting a stupid girlfriend like Jennifer. It’s not because of Jennifer at all really. She’s lovely. But Stiles can’t help the hint of jealousy when he sees the loving gazes and soft, shy smiles.

And this is his step-brother he’s talking about. His step-brother! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Or a fic in which Stiles and Derek can’t help falling in love with each other. But there's a problem, they're step brothers. A fic with angst, feels and a happy ending.

The Spaz and the Sourwolf by TheRealDanniX

(9/9 I 24,674 I Teen)

When Stiles comes across something he shouldn't in the Preserve he ends up on four legs. Not that anyone in the Pack knows it's him. He's just hoping they can figure it out before anything else bad happens.

This Is Not Who I'm Supposed to Be by Anonymous

(11/11 I 24,932 I Teen)

After Stiles' friends get shot, the fox runs away from his home. He runs far enough that the white snow changes into green gras, and his white fur feels heavier than ever underneath the shining sun. Talia Hale and her family find him and she helps him turn back into human, something he hasn't been in years, and he has to learn how to be human again with the help from Derek. He realizes that life isn't easy. Not as human and not as a supernatural creature. Especially not when hunters are back in town.

shatter like glass, come apart in my hands by cosmicayan

(15/? I 47,107 I Mature)

The one in which Stiles goes missing for three months and then suddenly, out of nowhere, he turns up at the door of the Hale House, confusing himself, Derek, and literally everyone else.

Oh, yeah, and he has no memory of what happened to him (or, at least, no conscious memory).

[guillotinna]

I keep seeing these Gen z is task force 141 and I wanna join

Anytime you use a computer, you do that stupid movie hacker trope of exaggerated typing and say "I'm in"

Saying "POV" in front of sentences

In the group chat saying "1 like and I'll kms", liking your own message and then saying "damn guess I gotta"

I see a lot of these posts were Gaz and Soap would understand y/n....bffr, no those geezers would not

No one knows what the gen z kid is saying they just know it's probably not good

"You're telling me a shrimp fried this rice?"

You have a small photo you keep tucked in your chest pocket and after enough times seeing you looking lovingly at it, one of the guys asks who it is. Is it a s/o from back home? 😏😏

You say no and pull out a photo card of your fave singer and they're like ??? Really

One time during a particularly physical scuffle with the enemy, you get thrown to the ground and huff out "one hop this time" only to promptly tackle tf outta your assailant while saying "take it back now yall"

Reads everyone's zodiac charts except ghost bc he won't tell his birthday let alone the time he was born so you just make one up

Price calls a 6 am meeting to which you say "double it and give to the next person"

*Alexa, play teenagers by MCR*

If you had time describe the base, you'd say it smells like ball sweat, blood and war crimes which everyone took offense to for different reasons

Would absolutely get soaps doodles tattooed

Actually speaking of which, imagine getting caught giving yourself stick and pokes with a pen and being banned from using pens period

You'd be in a meeting with a #2 pencil

Ofc a gen z member would be absolutely feral which very little regard for their own safety much to the dismay of the others

Quoting "Oh these aren't homemade, they were made in a factory....a bomb factory......they're bombs." All the time around soap even though he has no idea what you're talking about

You don't spent too much alone time with ghost bc he likes quiet and you can't be alone with your thoughts which is why you lean more towards spending time with soap or gaz

I just like puns so I'm gonna add this but gen z love borgs (a customized gallon jug of alcohol that is usually given a name) and yours is appropriately named taskforce 1-borg-1

this is mainly for my americans but i know pretty much the whole world got beef with engl*nd: before you met Soap, you thought the entire 141 was en*lish so when you finally did meet him, you said "oh thank god" with a sigh

americans 🤝 scotts

making fun of english "people"

"Pull up in the monster, automobile gangsta With a bad bitch that came fr-" "....sergeant, comms off please"

you show Ghost WAP and he has to take a walk

*price yelling at gaz and soap*: KYLE GARRICK AND JOHN MACTAVISH GET IN HERE- Y/n: oop not the government name

Another for my US baddies: if your'e ever arguing with any of the guys, the nail in the coffin would be "and it's called soccer"

"one more like and i'll-" "enough!"

you call Price "ms. girl" and he could not be more confused

someone asks "do you serve?" and u reply "yah, serve cunt"

when asked why you decided to join the military you said something like: "well i didnt think i'd live past 18 so when I did, i ended up here".....crickets from the rest of the team

"good thing we only have showers on base because i would have already taken a toaster bath by now"

ask Gaz "no bitches?🤨" one more time see what happens

price: the enemies have taken civvies hostage and blocked off all exits and entrances to the town-" y/n: "omg tea"

Also calling price "capt. Save-a-hoe"....I wanna be saaaavvveddd ;)

If you took a shot every time you said "rest in peace to all the soldiers that died in the service, I dive in her cervix", you'd be dead lmao

When asked if they like the military they'd say "it was either this or the psych ward so yah, I'll take it"

Quoting MPGIS constantly and no one even sort of knows what that is ("Crack. Is that what you smoke? You smoke crack?")

Some detainee being interrogated is spilling some nonsense, so you hit them with "oh brother this guy stinks!" And then with the butt of your gun

"Little bad trini bitch but she mixed with China, real thick vagina, smuggle bricks to-" "SARGENT ENOUGH"

Falling asleep on team mates (minus ghost's) shoulders mostly because the most peace they get is when you're unconscious

*when y/n hears any slightly suggestive/dirty phrase*: what are we talking about 😏 (iykyk)

Same energy as: " born next to a nuclear power plant, has an IQ of 2 and was hit in the head with several Rocks as a child"

Vine quotes out the wazoo, it's just awful for the rest of the team lmao

Replying to everything with "on god?"

soap: "what are you 6?" y/n: "yah 6 inches deep in your mom".....you did not walk away from that unscathed to say the least...worth it tho

[adrixivy]

Headcanon that Peter is the reason if missions go well or not and it all depends if he opened his mouth or not. I’m simply saying that he would somehow run his mouth and villains are on his ass immediately and not because of his parker luck. That does worse things. Peter always gotta say something or he just happened to somehow cause more chaos than it already did when he says something and he doesn’t even mean to say it. And the team either enjoys it or are in a manic state of panic.

The Avengers are on a mission to infiltrate one of the last remaining Hydra bases. And they need to be undercover for this. Like really stealthy and quiet. They want to gather information about the last few bases and what other information are left in Hydra that wasn’t already leaked. So imagine how surprised Tony and Steve is to be walking and then simply watch a body fly past them as said flying body screams. Tony looked over and groans and Steve sighs deeply.

Peter, who was stopped by a giant that didn’t recognize him and asked if he was new in Russian and tried speaking the little Russian Nat taught him and said something entirely different: You’re built like one of those ugly giants in that one show- (he tried to compliment the guy’s huge build to distract him but it was backfired)

Said giant growls and smacked him, making him fly back and hit a wall ten feet away with a groan. And the whole mission is already compromised within 15 minutes. 15!

The two adults rushed to him and helped him up and already three of the Avengers are compromised and soon the Hulk is out smashing through goons, Thor landed right outside the base without a care about stealth and is hitting people with his hammer and thunder crackles in the snowy habitat, making alarms sound off and the whole Avengers are simply compromised.

Peter and Tony is suited up in their nano-tech suit whereas Steve took out his shield that was shrunk and enlarged it with some Pym particles that was gifted to them from Scott. The team was quickly surrounded by all the men in the base and Peter smiled sheepishly at Tony who rolled his eyes. Armed men are charging at them with war cries yet Peter can't help but not stay quiet as his pop culture references came out.

Peter fighting the giant that flung him earlier: Hey big guy, what you did was not nice! I'm not some Roblox ragdoll for you to throw around!

Peter after webbing up the giant and fighting alongside Tony and Steve: Don't you think we're like the four horseman in Now You See me 2? Just that we're seven people! We get compromised but in the end, the odds are in our favor!

Tony, having seen the movie with Peter before and understood the references, couldn't help but grin: I guess kid.

Steve, incredibly confused: The four what now??

Soon, the base was taken over and Natasha and Clint managed to get their objectives and they all return home. And it's an incredibly hilarious experience to them now.

Now imagine, it being entirely opposite. They're in a open battle, full on repulsors shooting beams everywhere, Steve's shield thrown around and knocking out enemies, punches and kicks thrown, arrows flying, thunder cracks loudly in the sky as a hammer flies through mobs. It all seems quite loud to anyone else but the Avengers find it quiet. Too quiet. Like something or someone is missing. And they don't even realise in the midst of it. And the mission even ends well. And Rhodey is here too and he's always the first to realise and Tony's second.

Bruce who oversaw everything that happened in the mission: Today went well!

Steve, genuinely surprised too: Yeah. Surprisingly.

Rhodey, realising something is missing: Surprisingly quiet, you mean. Now I just realised, the whole battle was quiet. Tones, you thinking what I'm thinking.

Tony, hand placed up to stop everyone from talking as if hearing for something and his hand immediately dropped and his eyes are widened in terror when he doesn't hear what he was searching for: Where's the kid.

And the whole Avengers are panicking, everyone immediately dispersed and they're all looking for him.

Imagine Tony's relief when he saw Peter playing with puppies on top of a roof. (Peter saved three puppies and was about to leave them on the roof away from danger and leap back into the battle but the puppies cried out for him and he immediately melted and stayed there the entire time, playing with them as the sounds of destruction did nothing to pull him out of the puppies grasp)

Needless to say, the Avengers returned with three puppies that day.

Inspired by a post from irondadapiderson4ever!

[vexy-hexy]

I hope this isn't a hot take, but Scott Cawthon is a shitty writer

The reason the lore makes no fucking sense is because he just randomly adds or retcons things with no explanation and, at this point, I think he just enjoys watching people (especially MatPat) go crazy theorizing

Like, the man may as well have confirmed dream theory a few years ago, only to go "wait, never mind, here’s Sister Location and everything is real, I promise"

I doubt even Scott understands his own story because it was written with the same grace and talent as an edgy middle school kid trying to write the next Jeff the Killer, so they shove everything they think is cool into the story, whether or not it fits

People say "oh, he didn't realize it would be more than (however many) games. He didn't plan that far ahead," but that excuse should only get you so far when you are writing a story

It's pretty clear that after at least game 4 (some say game 3, so I'm being nice), he stopped caring about the story and began just duct taping things he thought were interesting into a story that could've been wrapped up with MAYBE 5 games (1, 2, 3, 4, and pizzeria Sim with something in the other four to explain Baby and Molten Freddy, or get rid of them, I don't care), but instead it's a cluster fuck of weird details that DON’T MAKE SENSE

Look, I think a lot of us, myself included, can sometimes confuse a good CONCEPT with a good STORY

The storytelling of FNAF is dog shit, but the concept is just SO good, which is why people like the FNAF VHS tapes so much: these people are able to take a terrifying and interesting concept and make a truly good implied horror story with it in the way Scott NEVER could

And don't get me started on the books: First, they're not canon, then they're canon, but also, some stories may only be canon in another alternate universe or something, but if you actually want to understand something, you need to read some of the books

Your story should not have to be told across multiple different media for it to be even SLIGHTLY coherent. It's fine if you want to add in details that aren't too important to understanding the entire thing (like, we don't specifically need to know the names of each kid William killed, but it's a cool fact to know. Or maybe expand on how Freddy's and the incidents affected different people), but, as cool as it was, Golden Freddy being possessed by two children is a pretty crucial point to the rest of the series to be in just some activity book that so easily could've been overlooked as something fun to do related to FNAF (IMO)

Not to mention, we apparently can't even agree on the name of the Crying Child who, I think, was the catalyst for this entire story (because we can't even seem to agree if Elizabeth or CC died first)

TL;DR FNAF is a great concept, and it's been shown that it can make a great story by people who are much more skilled than Scott Cawthon (or maybe they just care more about this series than it's own creator, I don't fucking know)

Also, sorry if I'm incoherent or get anything wrong, I typed this while I was incredibly tired, but I did try to edit it as much as I could the past few days

[goodluckclove]

Skylark's Apple Log: Cosmic Crisp

Hi! Scott Skylark here.

I don't really know why I'm doing this. I was having a nice conversation with my good friend Katy about the importance of putting apples in the fridge so you can enjoy a cold apple, and barely an hour went by before she suggested I make a physical (Digital?) log of my insights and share them with the internet. I hesitated at first, but she insisted it was for the best, as people online might only know of me right now as some "sad boy pretty boy".

To which I said "Huh? What? What does that mean?" But right as she started to explain I suddenly decided I really didn't want to know and made some loud nonsense noises to buy me time to leave the room.

Anyways, I'm definitely no food critic. If you give me some cheese, some bread, a hard-boiled egg or two and like 4-6 apples, I'm good for the day. I'm not picky. I'd hate to put some misinformation out there (Discourse! Can you imagine?) so I've asked the very capable Chef Edgar Gallows to comment on what I say before I post it.

Today I'd like to talk about the Cosmic Crisp, which is absolutely in my top ten favorite apples. They're a hybrid bred in Washington in the late 90s. Did you know there are people who dedicate their whole careers to breeding apples? That was my dream job for a while when I was a kid, but I always struggled with science and apparently that type of work is entirely science. Anyways!

When I can have a Cosmic Crisp and some toast for breakfast, I'm a happy guy with lots of energy for the day ahead. And when it's fresh out of the fridge, it's crisp and chill, so no need for a morning juice. I like to use an apple slicer to make nice inform shapes, but those end up pretty thick, so I'll cut each slice to be about half-thickness. Doing this means you get a better bite to enjoy the flavor - and it also makes it seem like you have more apples to enjoy, which is always fun.

Cosmic Crisps are really big. There are bigger that exist - the Hanners Jumbo for instance, which is actually sold exclusively in Oregon where I live! But the girth of a Cosmic Crisp is certainly nothing to sneeze at. It's really fun, and frankly a great option if you're looking for the most bang for your buck at most average supermarkets. Sometimes it gets to be a little overwhelming, though, because I personally can only eat about three before I start getting a little grossed out. But if you're just eating one or two, this is very much a consistently satisfying variety in terms of sweetness and bite.

In my youth I resented the coloring of a Cosmic Crisp, believing that a red apple should commit to the hue. Now I appreciate the look of an apple that is definitely reminiscent of something grown off a tree, compared to a Red Delicious that mainly just looks like a child's crayon depiction of an apple given physical form by some cruel, confused God. And the crisp! Very crispy apple, potentially the crispiest I've experienced by far.

If you choose to enjoy a Cosmic Crisp apple, I highly suggest pairing it with a little bit of peanut butter, or just eating it on its own. It's very yummy.

I don't know how to end this! If you're reading this I hope you see a video of a cute animal on the internet. There are so many out there. Way more than I remember.

Thanks so much!

Skylark

Chef's Note: I think I'm immediately unqualified to check this kind of writing for accuracy. Up until recently I thought all apples were either green or red. Even after being told otherwise I still kind of think that. It's pretty startling to know there is a person in existence who puts more thought into this type of thing than picking up an apple from a bag on the counter and taking a bite.

Chilled apples are pretty good. I'll give him that one.

-E.G.

Hey Songbird Taglist did you think I'd call you all here to read Scott talk about apples because here we are

@kuebiko-writing @cartoonghosts 

@atlasthecactus @aroaceghosties 

@booksntea6982 @xarrixii 

@mushroommanchanterelle @whoevenknowswhatimwriting

@fukurouonthesea

[avelera]

"I read it to find out what the fuss was about, and remained somewhat puzzled; it seemed a lively kid’s fantasy crossed with a school novel, good fare for its age group, but stylistically ordinary, imaginatively derivative, and ethically rather mean-spirited."

- Ursula K. Le Guin

It's been understandably popular to take pot-shots at Harry Potter lately because of JK Rowling's truly disgusting and reprehensible comments lately. This quote above by Le Guin, which I agreed with even while a teenager, got me thinking about my own views on the series and apropos to nothing, I felt this was a better place to expound upon them than Twitter.

I have a knee-jerk dislike of the very human condition of saying we, "Always knew something," after the fact, that we "Always knew" someone problematic™️ was problematic or we always knew this thing that was popular was Bad Art after it became less popular. I find it intellectually dishonest.

So I'll preface all of this by saying: I had minor issues with the Harry Potter series back when it came out that went against the mainstream view of it, in that I thought it had many good qualities as a book series, but not enough to warrant its popularity compared to other, similar YA and fantasy series. I was genuinely baffled by its superstar popularity but as a fantasy book reader in the days before it was easy to access online fandom, I would take what I could get and I certainly didn't mind fangirling about Harry Potter stuff with friends even if it wasn't my #1 favorite series of all time. I enjoyed the fanfic for Harry Potter immensely so that allowed me to sort of blend in with those who enjoyed its popularity. (Special shoutout to MY favorite Harry Potter book of all time, "Harry Potter and the Battle of Wills" by Jocelyn over on fanfiction.net, that was MY Harry Potter series lol.)

So here's the thing, it's easy to say, "I always hated Harry Potter" or "I always knew it was trash" and that's a lie. For me, the truth is:

I enjoyed Harry Potter much like I did many of the fantasy series of its day.

What they had going for them was their pacing, whimsy, and inherent mystery structure in the first 3 books. They're fast, fun, easy reads with a likable protagonist. They are not bad books. But as Le Guin says, they're stylistically ordinary and imaginatively derivative. There's a lot of books like them.

I did not think the books were better than Pratchett, or Gaiman, or Garth Nix, or Dianne Wynn Jones, or any of the many other fantasy authors I was reading at the time. I was confused by their popularity as compared to better books like Pratchett's Discworld which, while popular, never got a theme park made for them in terms of order of magnitude popularity.

Now, JK Rowling on the other hand I had some issues with from the start, if not the ones that emerged later with her being a bigot. It is worth mentioning for the sake of intellectual honesty that decades ago, she gave a lot to charity and was a voice for tolerance in the early 00's when Bush/Blair, the Iraq War, etc were in full swing. It makes it all the more heartbreaking and baffling to see her swing towards bigotry on LGBT+ issues. Truly, a lot of young people first learned to stand up to fascism and be accepting of those different from them because of Harry Potter, just like they did reading the Ender's Game series by Orson Scott Card, and in both cases it's absolutely heartbreaking and so very confusing to see these authors fall to the very dark side they wrote against in their books. I have no answer for how or why this happened. I don't say this to make an excuse for either of them, simply to express confusion and mourn the loss of someone who was once a voice for some level of good in the world.

Now, my issues with JK Rowling were writerly, and they are the ones I feel somewhat empowered to say I "always knew" and "always had an issue with" and that, like the worst sort of hipster, "I talked about before it was cool".

Really my dislike began when JKR very famously said in the early 00s that she didn't read any fantasy before writing Harry Potter. Considering how derivative it is (heck, Neil Gaiman already had a YA series about a black-haired wizard boy with a scar) it left one wondering if she was lying or she truly was that ignorant in the genre in which she wrote. Either way, not a good look, and it soured me towards her pretty permanently as an author.

Terry Pratchett, the author I would actually follow into Hell, criticized her for this comment and got a lot of flack for it, asking how in the world she could not realize she was writing fantasy. This solidified my opinion of her as something of a hack, even if she had stumbled upon a winning story. Neil Gaiman also chimed in saying he didn't feel ripped off but seemed to tacitly agree with Pratchett that her lack of institutional knowledge about fantasy was odd.

As a big fantasy fan of the early 00s, I can say that fantasy was still a bit of a forbidden genre (at least in the Anglosphere), one not taken seriously. So for JK Rowling to be asked if she wrote fantasy had a layer of nuance, basically she was being asked if she meant to write a fantasy novel, ie, in a "lesser" genre, barely above dime story penny dreadfuls in value.

No one literary would admit to writing fantasy at the time, it was a whole thing where if you admitted to writing fantasy you were "downgraded" as an author in terms of prestige (Stephen King went through a lot of this). BUT, if a fantasy book achieved popularity, it was labeled as "literary" so the literary folks could claim ownership of the quality genre fiction, and never have to admit that "literary" is a genre and not a mark of quality (a deep-seated rage button issue for me and a rant for another day).

So when JK Rowling said, "She didn't know she was writing fantasy." That meant something. And what it meant was she was throwing the rest of the genre under the damn bus. With her visibility she could have helped actively tear down the biases against fantasy (something she did indirectly with the popularity of her books). Or she could have simply had humility and said she wasn't as versed in the genre as she should be given where her book ended up being shelved, but there's a lot of good works there and she's honored to be among them.

She did neither. She stuck to her ignorance (what would become a common trait of hers, apparently) and did very little to elevate others in the genre, or the genre itself, and indeed, seemed to try to distance herself from it in what was the safe move at the time.

I cannot stress enough how intellectual dishonest, arrogant, and safe it was for popular writers who got dubbed "literary" when they were in fact writing genre fiction to cleave to that title of literary, guard it jealously, and refuse to acknowledge that literary is a genre of its own, not a mark of quality. To be labeled "genre fiction" was to be considered "lesser" and that stigma is still out there, though much lessened by the wave that began with the Lord of the Rings movies, Harry Potter, Game of Thrones, and the Marvel films making so much money and really setting up genre fiction to at least be seen as lucrative if not artistic. We have come a long way from how fantasy was viewed 20 years ago.

JK Rowling also said she wrote no other books before Harry Potter. That's another puzzling instance where either she's lying, sold her soul to the Devil (and hey, maybe she did and he's collecting by making her turn into a frothing bigot), or was simply a more lucky and less skilled writer than people realized. Every writer has a closet full of short stories and novels they've written before publishing their first work. I can't stress enough how bizarre it is for her to claim she never wrote anything else before putting pen to paper with Harry Potter, that simply does not happen. Then again, her later books make it seem more likely that is true.

Writerly aside, but JK Rowling is utter garbage at structure. She lucked into the perfect scaffolding for a basic plot with the Harry Potter school year, but as Fantastic Beasts and her other, non-school based plot structures reveal, she didn't realize what a crutch that was for her because the woman does not and has not learned how to build a plot that isn't strung up on the structure of a school year for building tension and story beats.

Look, JK Rowling has always been a weird author. She really did come out of nowhere in terms of previous works. She doesn't acknowledge her peers in the genre that built her fortune, not even to confess that while she didn't know about them, she's now learning about a wonderful rich genre out there. She went the other direction and disavowed fantasy (it's possible she backtracked since and had nice things to say about the fantasy genre, I'd love to hear it if so).

There was in fact always subtle bigotry and a ton of tokenism in the Harry Potter books. That said, in the 90s, that was pretty par for the course, and she deserved some kudos for making the books so explicitly about fighting fascism, even if I'm not sure she fully understood her own themes.

To say these books were unpopular or that they had no writerly merit at all is intellectually dishonest. They were popular for a reason, mostly because they're fun. However, they were not unique, there were many like them, she got very lucky and it's bizarre how little she's acknowledged this or her peers. Of all the negative tendencies any human has, I'm shocked and dismayed that her tendency to stick to her ignorance like she did with the wider fantasy genre is the one that won out and was transferred to LGBT+ issues, to the point of doing active damage to her works and brand. But as her attempts to branch out from Harry Potter have further confirmed, JK Rowling was always a stylistically ordinary writer. Her mean-spiritedness didn't stand out as much in the 90s but it absolutely does now and it's ugly how she leaned more into sticking with the moral heights she reached at that time rather than trying to learn and grow as a person.

JK Rowling went full Whedon and figured because she was slightly ahead of the curve in the late 90s that she had nothing more to learn and it hurts when people who are creative, people whose job it is to have empathy for other walks of life, never learn or grow and stick to their old laurels that are increasingly out of date. I personally don't think myself as a hardcore Harry Potter fan, I have no horse in this race for the redemption or lack thereof of JK Rowling or the book series. I can only offer my view as a fantasy writer and someone who grew up through the cultural phenomenon of these books.

But, as usual, Ursula Le Guin was right, I agreed with her then, and her words have only borne out more and more with time.

[puhpandas]

As a Cassie fan, I'm not mad about you being unenthusiastic, actually I can see why-

I mean, ngl, I love Cassie and girl deserves more backstory and lore, but like- how?

How did she manage to get herself stuck in this situation? She has a dad so obviously she'd be under supervision, because if he's the protag of HW2 then it makes no sense he would be dead before SB.

Also- why? Why does she act like all the animatronics are her friends when in reality they hunted her before?

Like- I absolutely love the idea of a Cassie book but I'm also very confused-

It just doesn't really fit into her lore. It doesn't make sense.

I also hope that they don't cast Gregory in a negative light there too cuz as much as I love Cassie, Gregory deserves some of the spotlight too.

I really hope that if Gregory gets included, and I wanna see how he comforted Cassie on her failed birthday party. I wanna see how they became closer as friends afterwards. I wanna know how exactly he went missing and who put up his missing posters. I wanna know how close they were and how caring he was for her to literally go into a ruined establishment just to save him.

Overall, I'm very excited and I pray that Steel Wool/Scott cooks with this one 🙏🙏

yeah I totally agree, I have no issue at all whatsoever with the idea of a book centered around Cassie, but with how random and not relevant to her current story and character this books plot is and her being the protag of it, it makes me suspicious that they are just putting her in bc shes popular and this doesnt actually have anything to do with her character, and it wont make sense

I doubt that steel wool will be involved with this book but I hope it's good :( I also hope it clears up why on earth cassie is in this situation because it just. she shouldnt be. it doesnt fit her story and feels very forced. I'm honestly hoping they're just baiting her fans with a cassie name drop but it's a completely different kid, because it just complicates her story and doesnt feel right

[hn-undercover-9503]

aaaand one more before I go to bed (it's 2am) this one was a lil character study I was doing for pirates smp Cleo because I found her character there incredibly fascinating (I still do), I remember having a ton of fun writing this one; the actual document is a little bit longer but I never found a good end point for it so it probably won't see the light of day...so I share :)

When Cleo first washed up on the shores of the Faction Isles, the very first thing they were greeted with was a stone axe heading straight for her head.

Reacting on pure instinct, her arm shot out and grasped onto the blade just before it was about to cleave her skull in half. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, now! I don't think that's a great way to wake up, now, is it?"

The blade began to shake in her hands, but not because of her. With a frown, she cast her gaze downwards and blinked at what they saw in front of them. It was a child–just a regular old human child, a boy by the looks of it. A child who happened to be wielding an axe larger than him.

"Oh, now what are you doing with this, then?" Cleo gently tugged the handle from the child's shaking hands and lowered it to the sand. "Honestly, who'd let a kid have an axe anyway? Some people…"

The kid, she realized, was still shaking, and seemed to be frozen in place. She frowned, crouching down to get on his level. "Are you alright?"

The child scooted backward when they moved closer, looking around behind him as though searching for a way out. "S-Stay back, monster!"

"Monster…?" Cleo tilted her head to the side, but then it hit them–she was dead. Of course people who weren't used to her would be scared of her. They couldn't help but laugh a bit, lowering themself down to sit in the sand. "I get it now. Don't worry, I'm not going to attack you."

"Y-You…what?"

She giggled. "I know I'm a zombie, but I'm not brainless."

The kid blinked at them, seemingly confused. "But…zombies aren't…they don't talk."

"Well, maybe here they don't." She smirked. "But I'm different."

The kid frowned, sitting up and straightening his back quickly. "Um, well, sorry I guess. For…trying to kill you."

"Hm. I forgive you." Cleo smiled. "But you can really make it up to me by answering a few questions for me, yeah?"

"Uh, sure." The kid pushed a lock of ginger hair from his face. His hair was only a couple of shades darker than Cleo's own, but his was much tamer. "I know everything about this island. Ask me anything."

"Is that so?" Cleo hummed, tapping her chin as though thinking really hard. "Tell me then, what exactly is this place?"

"This is the Faction Isles!"

"Oh, I see." Cleo hummed again, this time actually thinking. She'd heard of this place before but had never really been sure if it was the right place for them. They'd been adventuring on her own for so long that the idea of joining a group seemed strange, even if she knew that so-called rogue pirates tended to be viewed as lesser. "And who are you exactly? What does a kid have to do with all these pirates?"

"Oh, I live here!" The kid leaned forward excitedly, a gleam in his eyes that spoke volumes. "My name is Scott, and my parents are both really important pirates! They're in the Herons–the best faction–and they've sailed all over these waters! They've explored so much and discovered so many places and things! Someday, I'm going to be just like them! I'm going to set out on my own adventures and stake my own claim on this world. I won't just be the Denholms' son, I'll be Scott Denholm, a legendary adventurer."

Cleo nodded to herself, already feeling an odd stirring in her heart. "Right. Well, Scott–I'm Cleo. I'm a pirate, too, I suppose."

"Really? What faction are you in? I definitely would have remembered seeing you around here."

"I'm not in a faction." Scott gasped, scooting closer and whispering like their next words were a secret.

"Are you a…rogue?"

Cleo laughed and shrugged. "Maybe, maybe not. Maybe I might want to join one of these factions and see what all the fuss is about."

Something glinted in the kid's eyes, and he was on his feet in the next second. He extended a hand to Cleo, who took it even though she didn't need it. The kid was surprisingly tall, although not as tall as her. "Come with me!" He said confidently, turning and heading up the beach to the docks.

"Where are we going?" Cleo asked.

"I'm going to show you the Isles!" He looked back and smiled at them, hands on his hips like he had all the confidence in the world. Then he turned around and kept walking, and Cleo watched him for another few seconds before eventually following him.

[sunnyie-eve]

40 | Double Trouble

Series: Indispensable | Teen Wolf

Paring: (Stiles Stilinski x OFC Martin)

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: none

| MASTERLIST |

The next morning Julia was with Lydia and Kira trying to figure out what her notes actually were. "Remember the rules. No more than six people are allowed in the lake house." Their mom hands over the key.

"Actually you said seven because I told you about Isaac." Julia corrects her.

"Fine make it eight because I hate odd numbers. Also stay out of the wine. And if anything gets broken, it's getting added to your credit card debt." Their mom adds looking at Lydia who agrees, "And lock up the basement. From all the scratch marks I found on the walls, it looked like a pack of wild animals got down there." She adds before leaving them.

"We should've put boxing gloves on Malia." Julia laughs.

"Little off topic, umm last night." Lydia looks at her.

"Ooh what happened last night?" Kira asks.

"Nothing..." Julia looks away.

"Did you forget I was home or just didn't care?" Lydia laughs at her, "You're lucky mom was out. You and Isaac were-,"

Julia covers her mouth, "Shut up!" She rushes out of the classroom embarrassed.

When Scott and Isaac get to school they see Liam talking to one of his friends before rushing off as he saw Scott, "It's gonna be rough in the beginning. You accidently introduced him to a whole new world." Isaac says following Scott to talk to Liam.

"Thanks for the pep talk."

The two plus Stiles block him in the hall saying they needed to talk to him, "No, you need to back the hell up, okay? Both of you. The three of you." Liam corrects himself.

"Hey, I didn't kidnap you. Scott did, I was with someone then got food." Isaac tells him.

"Isaac, not helping." Stiles huffs.

"Liam... we're brothers now." Scott tells him and it confuses the hell out of him.

"Oh, god. That's..." Stiles couldn't believe him as well.

"And you think I'm not the helpful one." Isaac shakes his head.

"What are you talking about? We just met and you bit me."

"The bite... The bite is a gift." Scott adds.

"Scott, stop. Please stop." Stiles tells him.

"Listen kid, umm they're," Isaac stays but Scott looks at him, "We're trying to help you, you little runt."

"By kidnapping me?" Liam asks him.

"Again I was with Julia before she left because Scott needed her. Remember you ran past me when I got home." Isaac points at him so Stiles also clarifies Scott kidnapped him.

"Liam, I've gone though this before and so has Isaac. Something's happening to you. Something big." Scott tells him.

"Nothing's happening to me. Nothing." He shows the bite was gone so they look at him.

"Yeah, because that's normal." Isaac says as he walks off.

"Don't you have Julia to bug?" Stiles turns to look at him.

"Actually I do." He smiles at him, "I should get my time in before you start bugging her again since y'all made up." He leaves them.

Scott looks at Stiles before laughing, "I thought you can't stand him especially around Julia and now you send him to her?"

"Wait a minute.. He said he was with Julia before everything."

"He did. What about it?" Scott asks so he takes off to find the two and he does at their lockers.

As he stood around the corner he wish he had super hearing to hear their conversation, "What are you doing?" Malia startles him.

"Do me a favor. What are they talking about?" Him points over at the two so Malia listens in.

"Studying about Econ. Why am I telling you?" She asks confused.

"Can you get anything from them?"

"Stiles..." Malia looks at him, "Why do you care about them? I know we have gone over this when we first got together and you said you didn't like her anymore so why do you care about her with Isaac?"

"Because she's still my friend and I still can't stand him. So what do you get?"

"If you're asking if they have hooked up?" She starts and he says yes quickly, "Then yes they have. Last night was the first time and don't ask how I know." She leaves his side.

Later during school Lydia, Scott, Kira, Stiles, Julia, Isaac, and Malia were discussing what to do with Liam. Malia says she won't share her basement which Lydia points out that it is hers and Julia's basement and that their mother knows how Malia tore it up last time. Scott says they'll use the boat house for Liam because it has support beams to which they can chain him. Lydia suggests they tell Liam there is a party and invite him.

"Julia can invite him. She's warm and welcoming." Stiles points at her.

"I doubt he'll listen to me. After Scott kidnapped Liam he called me over so he knows I'm part of y'all's group." Julia explains so they look to Lydia to seduce or trick Liam into coming to the lake house, but she says she is done with teenage boys and suggests they use the trickster to play a trick on him.

At night at the lake house waiting inside for awhile, Kira finally shows up with Liam coming in. Both Julia and Stiles wave then Stiles says to think of it as an intervention. "You, Isaac and me are werewolves, Lydia and Julia are Banshees, Malia is a werecoyote, and Kira is a Kitsune which is basically a fox. I'm the Alpha of the pack and you and Bella are my Betas because I bit you both." Scott explains what everyone is.

"Werewolves, Werecoyote, Banshees, and Fox." Liam says so Kira supplies the word Kitsune. Liam then turns to Stiles, "What are you?"

"For a little while I was possessed by an evil spirit. It was very evil." He tells him.

"Yeah, kidnapped me a lot and hurt me. And basically killed and hurt others." Julia adds.

"What are you now?" Liam asks him

"Better.. um." Stiles says not know what to say looking around.

Liam notices the chains and restraints on the coffee table and asks if those are for him. Malia says they're hers and makes her eyes glow blue. Liam is taken back and demands to know how she did it. Scott says he'll learn after he gets through the full moon. Liam resists when they begin to explain that he's already feeling the effects. He gets angrier and angrier until his hearing is overwhelmed by a noise only he can hear. Scott cocks an ear to listen and a car pulls into the drive. Liam admits that he told Mason about the party and Mason apparently invited everyone. Liam's nails shift into claws and he begins to scratch the floor.

Lydia freaks out a bit and demands that they get him off the floors. Liam rises up, bares his fangs, and growls at Lydia. Scott, Kira, and Isaac rush him to the boat house. Malia is suddenly overwhelmed by her transformation and growls at Stiles who rushes her off to the basement.

"Umm, what are we supposed to do with the hordes gathering outside the door?" Julia asks.

"Who throws the best parties in Beacon Hills?"

"What? Me, obviously." Lydia tells him.

"Okay, then throw a party." He leaves with Malia.

"We are so dead." Julia walks to the door with Lydia.

They open the door to find more than 30 people lined up to get inside. Mason and Garret are in front and ask if they're in the right place for the party. Lydia forces a grimace-like smile and says absolutely. The crowd cheers and flood inside as we open the door all the way.

"Okay, now we make sure no one ruins anything." Julia sighs causing Lydia to whine.

A few minutes pass Isaac comes back and sees some freshman messing with more wine bottles, "Hey, HEY! Leave those bottles unopened! The beer is in the kitchen!" He yells rush over to them before they open the bottles.

"Thank you." Julia takes the bottles from him.

"You two are panicking so badly because of the money issue right now. Not worry, I'll keep an eye out for y'all." He rubs her shoulders.

Once the party had died down Julia asked Lydia where the hell has she been when she sees her with Kira, "I got the key." Lydia tells her and watches her with Kira getting on the computer typing in Allison.

They all watch all the cryptic writing turns into names and numbers confusing Kira and Isaac so Julia tells them it was a Deadpool.

-

The next day, Stiles texts Julia to come over and she didn't question it heading over to his house, "What am I apart of now? We haven't done this in forever." She enters his room looking down at her phone before putting it away.

"Our murder board." He tells her as he messes with pictures he printed to put up.

"Our murder board or yours?" She asked not getting where ours came from.

"I said it right the first time, ours." He looks over at her.

"Alright then." She tosses her bag aside, "So we know the Walcott's were the first."

"And there was four murders." He puts the photos up.

"Sean, his brother, and their parents." She hands him the next one to put up, "Killed by a professional assassin."

"The Mute. And weapon choice a military tomahawk." He adds as Julia starts to write down notes.

"But he was killed by Peter when he was trying to kill Derek at the school with a Claymore mine." She goes over what they were told.

"Demarco was next after delivering the keg to the party." Stiles says picking up the next photo.

"And he was decapitated outside his car, but with a special type of tool because there was no blood puddle and it left a burn." Julia points out to him.

"Correct and last night, 23 year old Carrie Hudson."

"So a family of wendigos, and two werewolves so far." Julia sighs looking at the board.

"Let's hope we can figure out how to stop this before more get killed." He plops down onto his bed.

"They aren't just being killed they're being murdered." Julia corrects him.

"Same difference." He gives her a look.

"Not really. To kill is to cause a death. Murder is a subset of killing. Basically, it means to kill intentionally and without lawful excuse or justification. All murders are killings, but not all killings are murders." She sees him just staring at her, "You can kill someone in self defense, but you can't murder someone in self defense." She uses a simple example.

He still just stares at her starting to smile, "You're almost as odd as me."

Julia can't help but laugh, "That's why we make a perfect team." She says as her phone goes off, "What? I told you I was busy for a while." She tells Isaac.

"I forgot my jacket at your house. Is your mom home or Lydia are home to let me in?" He asks her.

"Do you need it that bad? Umm, I believe my mom is home so she should let you in. If not the spare key in the blue plant pot in the fake rock. Put it back how you found it if you use it."

"Thank you, bye." He ends the call.

"Isaac?" Stiles says.

"Yeah, he forgot his jacket in my room and he apparently needs it." She rolls her eyes.

"You two got close because of me, huh?"

"You mean when you abandoned me? Then yes. Which I mean, I do need more friends than just you and Scott." She laughs.

"You have Lydia, Kira, and Malia as well."

Julia wanted to tell him her and Malia weren't exactly friends because she would constantly tell her how Stiles picked her, how she didn't like her at times, made fun of her since she could sense her feeling. Julia knew Malia wasn't the best since she spent most of her time as a coyote but she still didn't like her at times. She was just nice because that's how she was. Not to mention she was part of the pack and Stiles girlfriend.

"Lydia is my sister, she doesn't count." Julia tells him.

"Not that it's any of my business...but do you have a thing for Isaac?" He asks her.

"Why do you wanna know?" She laughs at him before Lydia calls saying she needs her so she tells Stiles she had to leave.

[ilovelosersandshortmen]

Hear me out-

The X-Men with a reader who can cancel out mutations, like when they're near someone, let's say Cyclops for example, he can take off his glasses and his eyes don't shoot out lasers.

I think it'd be funny to have it so the reader isn't even aware of their mutation, like one day one of them slips up or tries to use their powers around the reader but nothing happens 💀

Having a mutation that stops their powers (X-Men and The Brotherhood)

I LOVE THIS I'm actually going to do this with the X-Men and the Brotherhood because there's so many possibilities.

TODD (I'm just putting him first because he's my fav):

• You and Todd hang out a lot. For some reason, he just feels calmer around you (little does he know, you actually take away the stressful parts of his mutation, like the sensitive skin and everything)

• I feel like he still eats flies because he's used to it, so he doesn't notice that you took away the frog part of his brain that actually needs them for nourishment

• He doesn't actually realize that you have that mutation until he goes to jump and just.. falls on his face.

• He freaks out at first, but he does appreciate not being so slimy and all of that

• Sometimes if he wants to shower (check out my headcanons on why he can't use soap), he'll call you over

PIETRO:

• He. Hates. You.

• Not actually, because I don't write angst very often, but he doesn't appreciate the power you hold over him.

• You're like a more annoying Wanda in his eyes.

• He always gets on your nerves (because he obviously will, I don't care how cute he is), and you always end each argument by taking away his powers.

• "Very funny! Now stop."

WANDA:

• You think she can't kill you without powers?

• Just kidding, ofc. She loves you.

• But, she's very used to being controlled and her powers being held back, so I actually think she wouldn't appreciate you using it against her.

• If you don't know about your powers yet, then she's obviously not going to get mad at you.

• Actually, she's very sympathetic. She knows what it's like to have uncontrollable powers.

FRED:

• Would he really notice? I don't think his body would change. Maybe he'd lose some strength though, but he'd probably just think he's getting sick or something

• Or he would freak out and feel useless without his powers, leading to a breakdown (think Luisa from Encanto idk)

LANCE:

• (I don't know if anyone else noticed this in the show, but HE MAKES THE STUPIDEST FACES WHEN USING HIS POWER ITS SO FUNNY)

• I imagine he goes to use his power and nothing happens so he just stands there like 🧍

• LIKE ELEVEN IN THAT ONE SCENE OF STRANGER THINGS LMAOO

TABITHA:

• She'd probably be really chill about it, but after a minute she'd really miss using her powers.

• So she freaks out a little, but she plays it cool in front of everyone.

• Hey, she's a complex person!

SCOTT:

• He's so confused, he just stares blankly at everyone and no one knows what's happening

• like this: 😨

• After everyone found out about what happened, he actually kind of loves it.

• Imagine always having to wear sunglasses, I would get so sick of those powers. So, he enjoys the little break

• Just make sure to tell him when you leave the room, because he's used to keeping his eyes open when you're around

ROGUE:

• Yeah, we all know she needs this.

• She would get really excited, going around and poking people's shoulders

• Getting surprised when nothing happens and just being like "okay, just checking!"

• She finally gets to hug her friends and high five people and all of that fun loving stuff

• A bit disappointed when it ends, but she doesn't blame you

• Yes, she's a bit closed off. But deep down, all she really wants is to be able to live her life without fear.

KURT:

• As much as he would like it to, I don't think the mutation would take any physical traits.

• So the beautiful blue boy would have to stay looking like the dude from Avatar </3

• Which obviously isn't a bad thing, because he's perfect just the way he is, but Kurt is severely disappointed.

• The teleportation was the only good thing about his powers! And that's all that went away.

• He's not angry at you, just angry at himself for.. existing, I guess.

• HE DESERVES SO MUCH LOVE I CANT

• Your powers don't really do much, expect keeping him from running away during arguments. Which could be very helpful.

JEAN:

• Another one that I believe would appreciate your powers

• Jean has to deal with a lot of things, including the involuntary mind reading (which I'm guessing absolutely sucks, because who would ever want that power!?)

• So, until she controls that, it can be a bit overwhelming.

• Then, you come along. And it's silent. For once in her life, the only voice in Jeans head is her own.

• She obviously goes into protective mother mode during the chaos, making sure no one else is panicking while they try to figure out what's happening

• But she's honestly really relieved the entire time.

KITTY:

• Unfortunately, she finds out right when she's running into a wall (because I think that's funny comedic timing)

• I think she'd be a little relieved too, since we learned her worst fear is her powers trapping her underground and things like that

• So sometimes I think using her powers makes her really nervous, thinking she'd accidentally get trapped and suffocate or something.

• So, whenever she needs a break from that anxiety, she knows exactly who to turn to

All in all, I think this is a really cute idea and I loved writing about it. Thank you for the request, I had so much fun with this!!

[pluckyredhead]

I am still reading my way through the Fourth World! Last time I talked about all the stuff published in the 70s; now let's talk about the 80s.

Kirby:

New Gods #12: In 1984, DC reprinted Kirby's original New Gods run and threw in an extra issue (not to be confused with Gerry Conway's New Gods #12) so that Kirby could finish the story. This was partially DC being nice and trying to give an aging Kirby money, and partially not because they refused to let him produce the ending he wanted, which was Orion and Darkseid both dying. After a couple scrapped versions, we got this, in which Orion goes down in a hail of laser fire. It's a real bummer, but at least he's extremely homoerotic with his best buddy Lightray first? (Oh, they're getting a whole separate post, just you wait.)

The Hunger Dogs: This "graphic novel" (it's only 64 pages but back then that counted) came out a year later and was the "conclusion" to the Fourth World saga. Once again DC and Kirby butted heads because Kirby really wanted to kill everyone and DC was like "But our IP!!!" In the final version, only supporting characters Himon and Esak die, which is sad but not going to do any damage to DC's bottom line.

It turns out Orion is not dead despite being riddled with holes (there's an intriguing suggestion that he has some kind of healing ability because he possesses the Life Equation, which like everything else in this book is presented with zero context or explanation), which is great because it gives him an opportunity to be homoerotic with Lightray again, although he has also been given an Obligatory Heterosexual Love Interest, Himon's daughter Bekka.

Anyway this book is baffling. Highfather blows up New Genesis (everyone survives) to taunt Darkseid, who is overthrown by the downtrodden masses of Apokalips. There's some shouting about the dangers of technology and maybe some anti-Cold War rhetoric about stockpiling weapons, but it's all so hysterically overblown - Kirby at his most grandiose - that it's nearly impossible to parse beyond "war bad." I do appreciate that Orion is able to break free of his rage and death wish and just...leave Darkseid behind, but the fact that he's emotionally mature enough to do that now comes pretty much out of nowhere. The art is extremely powerful, at least.

My final thought is that Kirby clearly gleefully ignored everything Englehart, Conway, et al. did and I love that for him.

Super Powers: Darkseid fights the Justice League. This was a comic created to sell a toy line and you can really, really tell.

Post-Kirby:

Legends: I've read this before, but it's great. If you like pre-Flashpoint DC, you should definitely read this, which introduces Amanda Waller and the Suicide Squad, sets up the JLI, and brings Wonder Woman into the post-Crisis DCU. Neither Orion nor Scott are present but this (along with the Happyland issue of the original Forever People) really makes the case for why Glorious Godfrey is one of Kirby's best and scariest Fourth World creations. And I will never complain about John Byrne art.

Forever People (1988): Blecch. It's definitely arrogant to read something and think "I know for certain that Jack Kirby, a man I never met who died when I was a child, would have hated this" but like. I'm right. And it's obvious from the very first page.

Basically, at the end of Kirby's series, the FP were marooned on a random, idyllic planet somewhere with no hope of getting home, so they embraced it as their new, hopeful future. This catches up with them years later, with Serifan (the sweet young kid) drooling and raving alone in the woods, Vykin (the only Black character) dead (he gets better), and the rest of them...living in yuppie paradise? Apparently the planet they ended up on was populated (missing the point) with "primitive" people (racist) so they decided to use Mother Box to forcibly "evolve" the people (SO RACIST) and were able to create...modern-day America? Literally why would they even do that, they're from New Genesis. Mark is mayor and married with kids, and Big Bear and Beautiful Dreamer are married to each other with a baby on the way.

Anyway a nebulous villain/evil force called "the Dark" undoes everything which brings Vykin back to life but takes away Mark's wife and kids (she's alive but still "primitive" and the kids were never born) and Bear and Dreamer's unborn child, which means the only female protagonist spends the whole rest of the miniseries clutching her stomach and going "my baby!" I absolutely don't mean to make light of pregnancy loss but this doesn't feel like a story about a three-dimensional woman experiencing pregnancy loss. It feels like a story that reduces a woman to a) whether or not she's having a baby, which is the only thing she cares about and b) the central point on a vague love triangle with Mark and Bear. SIGH.

Meanwhile they all go to Earth for...some reason...and then Mark gets possessed by the Dark and is evil for a while but then they manage to summon Infinity Man and Mark isn't evil anymore. And it's bafflingly revealed that they're all from Earth in the first place from random different historical time periods and Highfather kidnapped them as babies. Okay???

The Forever People are perhaps Kirby's purest and most optimistic characters, and this cynical take on them actively angered me even though I don't actually care about them at all. I've also basically never cared for J. M. DeMatteis's writing outside of JLI, and I don't like Paris Cullins's art, so this book just had absolutely nothing going for it for me.

Cosmic Odyssey: I do not trust Jim Starlin with the New Gods since I know he's going to kill them all off in 2007. This is...fine, I guess? Starlin really does not like Orion, who he has slaughter a bunch of innocent, brainwashed Thanagarians, and also be deeply bigoted against Forager. Everything else is...fine? It's basically all action. The only character who has an emotional arc is John Stewart because this is the story where he fails to save Xanshi because he's being an overconfident moron, but the moral at the end of the comic is like "Get over it already" so...that happens. It's fine.

But man, that Mike Mignola artwork is worth the price of admission alone. That guy's great at drawing.

Mister Miracle Special: The plot of this is that Barda doesn't want Scott to be an escape artist anymore because it's too dangerous, even though a) she's a warrior of Apokalips and b) he's an active Justice League member and she seems fine with that. So okay.

Mister Miracle (1989): Okay, so the basic premise here - Scott and Barda try to adjust to normal life in the suburbs - is good. And it's a spiritual spinoff of JLI, which is of course one of my favorite books of all time. But this book is like...imagine someone screaming "Iiiiiiit's WACKY!" over your shoulder constantly while you're reading. That's what reading Mister Miracle (1989) is like. Highfather wears a tuxedo! Funky Flashman shows up a lot! Scott fights a giant alien noodle! Some of it is actually funny, but most of it is trying so hard to be funny that it's just exhausting.

There are some interesting character moments in there. Scott, Barda, and Orion all get to call Highfather out. Orion mentions wishing he was closer to Scott. There are hints at Scott's depression and suicidal tendencies, which I find really fascinating. But all of it is always immediately overshadowed by ZANINESS.

Anyway, I think we as DC fans deserve a do-over with a new Scott and Barda book about their lovingly domestic (kinky) life together on Earth that is funny but not desperately mugging for laughs in every panel. And I think it should be set in Vegas where Scott has a residency. Call me, DC!

New Gods (1989): This book was mostly written by Mark Evanier (a couple issues were by Starlin), who was one of Kirby's assistants back when he was originally creating the Fourth World, so you might think it would feel the closest to a continuation of Kirby's vision. Instead, I am making it Exhibit A in my argument for why a character should never be assigned to a writer who obviously fucking hates their guts.

I mean, I don't know that Evanier hates Orion. But boy does he write him like he does. Starlin's Orion (who again, we get a couple issues of here) is a monster, but Evanier's Orion is just an incompetent idiot, forever slamming himself against the brick wall of his inevitably becoming his father. Almost every single issue has at least one character, often multiple characters, bemoaning Orion's absolutely unproductive violence and inability to learn or comprehend basic concepts that should not be at all new to him after living most of his life on New Genesis (i.e. justice, mercy, compassion). Even fucking Kalibak is like "Wow, you're a useless idiot." Kalibak! The king of useless idiots!

The comic is so into hating on Orion that it hates on him when he's not actually doing anything bad; at one point he walks into a nuclear reaction that's melting down in a desperate attempt to stop it before it kills everyone, and Big Bear is like "Wow, he's just like his father." REALLY, BIG BEAR? Show me the comic where Darkseid risks his life to save thousands of strangers. I'll wait.

This series also features:

a hawkish, bloodthirsty New Genesis military leader who keeps trying to overthrow Highfather, which both seems to undercut the whole point of New Genesis as well as Orion's uniqueness as The Angry Guy;

an Earth woman with the worst gaydar in the universe repeatedly failing to fuck an increasingly uncomfortable Lightray;

but then Lightray falls in love with a dead woman he never met?;

also Orion gets a crush on a bug lady and learns to stop being racist against bugs (she's not impressed and good for her)

and Lightray and Orion parade around Earth in the WORST fashions of the late 80s/early 90s, which is about all this book has going for it.

Anyway it was bad and I'm glad I'm done with it. Next up: the 90s!