#because i don't want to make anyone feel bad by comparing themselves or anything

[adore-gregor]

😓

[furiousgoldfish]

When people hear stories about abuse, they often get fascinated and interested in the abuser, and the 'mystery' behind their behaviour. They'll want to analyze what happened to this person to make them act in such twisted and sadistic ways, and they want to find the past event or past abuse that would 'explain it all'. Abusers will also, very happily recount the past abuse whenever it's time to explain away their behaviour, so nobody could hold them accountable, because after all, they had had it rough! Of course they're now abusive, it's only natural.

Fascination with explaining away abuser's behaviour often leaves victim's situation forgotten and ignored. Victims are supposed to just 'get over it', not be so sensitive, and be careful to not turn into abusers themselves, because after all, being abused means you become an abuser, according to the abuser. Except it doesn't, and victims often don't end up abusing anyone else, especially not in the horrific ways they themselves have been abused. So we're having two opposing stories: one is told by the abuser, and it's easy, simple, explains everything away, and it says, abuse causes future abusers, I am the proof, I was abused and now I am like this. Victim's story goes: I was abused, and now I struggle to function, I have cptsd, I have flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks, anxiety, eating disorder. I struggle with suicidal feelings and wishing I didn't exist. I feel like I'm not important at all in this world and like I have no community, no family, no home. Failure of everyone to help me while I was being abused caused me to feel like an outcast from society, someone who isn't a part of it, who doesn't matter. I would never do this to another person, I feel like a part of me was torn away into pieces and I struggle to put myself back together.

Now that story is complex, it implicates the society in failing to stop the abuse and making the victim's life worse, it showcases the actual consequences of abuse, which are not 'becoming evil', but feeling ultimately traumatized and damaged, struggling to find joy and happiness in life in the aftermath. Society doesn't want to hear that; it makes abuse into a problem that should collectively be dealt with, rather than pushing it all onto individuals who find themselves trapped in it and suffering. It's much easier to pretend that abuse just makes someone abusive, and for people who are abusive, we need to feel sorry for, because they were 'made to be like this', and for those abused, we just need to shame them and control them so they don't become abusive themselves.

There are abusers who have lived privileged lives, there are abusers who have been spoiled and rewarded for their acts of abuse. Most abusers don't show the symptoms of trauma nearly as bad as the victims of abuse do, they're most often just having the symptoms of 'I lash out my anger on those who cannot defend themselves' and 'everyone needs to feel sorry for me because I am having the roughest time on the planet'. Weird how the victims almost never develop these two symptoms! Victims will go and compare their situation to everyone who has it worse, and will struggle to express or direct anger at anything. 

So what is the actual source of abuse, if not past trauma? There's no study or statistics that can tell us that for sure, and abusers are careful to maintain their story and are not interested in being studied past what makes people feel bad for them. I would guess that it's a mix of entitlement, being in a position of power over someone vulnerable, never having to develop empathy or compassion, being rewarded continuously for acts of abuse, and social influence (admiring other abusers and wanting the power they have). A lot of social structures support and enable abuse of those who are at the very bottom of it, with very few protections against it. A lot of people believe it's their right to abuse someone if they have the power over that person, and gain power specifically for that cause. Abusers will have children and believe this is their property and they can do whatever they please with it, abuse being a part of it.

If we don't know where abuse comes from, how do we combat it? I don't believe in feeling sorry for the abusers or giving them endless attention, chances, excuses and rationalizations; instead I believe we should stand firm on the fact that abuse is inexcusable, and will have consequences, regardless of how it came into their behaviour. If abuse always had consequences, regardless of the history of the abuser, they would know they can't get away with it, that they can't later make everyone feel sorry for them and go on with their sob stories. Abuse would get them punished, not sympathized with.

I also believe the abuser's point of view should be decentralized; it should be victims who get to speak. It's easy for the abuser to show themselves in the positive light, minimizing the abuse, insisting the victim provoked or wanted it, that it wasn't that bad and it was done with 'best intentions'. But if we listened to victims, we would quickly understand that anyone who can do this to another person is monstrous, and should not be extended any sympathy. Abusers don't extend their sympathy to the victims when they abuse, so why should they expect to get it? Society should take abuse more seriously and put defenses into place, so abusers are not as easily able to put it behind closed doors. Resources for recognizing abuse, especially child abuse and intimate abuse, should be taught, spread and shared in society, so nobody would be able to convince another that suffering abuse is normal, or justified.

One of the biggest barriers to escaping abuse is victim confessing what's been happening to a trusted family member or a friend, and then this family member or a friend shaming and blaming them for it, instead of offering help and protection. It takes a lot of courage to even say something out loud, knowing the abuser would punish them for it, and then to be punished externally for speaking out, it's devastating. If abuse was taken seriously, and victims understood to be fault-free, but singled out, isolated and hurt in a way that nobody should be, and it was understood it's a societal responsibility to protect them against this, it would be easier to speak out, and get support. It often takes a society to help someone get free, because abusers are hell-bent on abusing once they start to, the victims need multiple barriers before abusers could get anywhere near them.

And why shouldn't we want that? If we know there are people in society such as children, young people, people without regular income, poor people, disabled people, compassionate people, marginalized people, people who struggle to recognize and flag down predators, shouldn't we want to make sure they're protected? That nothing bad happens to them, and they're free to live their lives safe from those who would do them continuous harm and make them want to die? We want our young, old, kind, vulnerable, sensitive, disabled, poor, compassionate and marginalized people safe and happy. There's no reason to throw them under the bus and leave them to suffer abuse.

[slaaverin]

Let me spell this out, cause when you sit an actually think about this, it is mind blowing. BTS have known each other for like 15 years. Worked together, lived together as a group for years. Jimin and JK are the only two members who have spent 494 days apart from the rest of the boys with only each other. Let that really sink in. Jikook have spent almost 18 months together, every single day, just the two of them apart from their group. That is freaking WILD. And when you look at it outside of BTS, they're the only idols to do this from any group too so far. There aren't two other idols spending 2 years away from their group together, let alone in the military. And this fandom "pretends" its not a big deal to cope. It's a major deal. As a jikook bias/jikook supporter this doesn't even feel real to me sometimes, so I can't imagine how antis truly feel inside, when they aren't lying to themselves to cope. They probably still wake up so confused, sulky and angry and dumbfounded cause they got slapped hard with reality, cause they know they will never in this life, be able to say their biases did this. It really feels like a fever dream when you think about it. Only after BTS could they pray for their favs to spend 2 years together every day apart from other members, cause right now, that's not gonna happen. Maybe one day, but I don't see how since Jk said he wants 50 years of togetherness & AYS with Jimin. And Jikook aren't even tired of each other either, after 494 days. Just WOW.

I agree anon it's absolutely wild when you think about it

Even before enlisting (except for a brief moment in 2023) they've always been glued together.

Enlisting together was quite the commitment to make.

And in Jimin's letter you can read between the lines that they plan on staying intertwined in the future still.

This is mind-blowing.

That doesn't happen for most relationships out there. It shows once again how incredibly special and rare their relationship is. It's crazy and beautiful and so precious 🥹💜

Haters can't really cope well with this bcs anything they might say is simply nothing compared to the real evidence of jikook enlisting and the weight that it carries so I guess they simply block the information entirely in their minds lol it's pretty hilarious

But jikook share pure love and they've showed it time and time again.

Anything anyone might say is invalid (even more than before) because there is simply nothing to prove anymore.

Jikook are the closest in the group, always has been and probably always will be.

Anyone not willing to admit it is in bad faith and I can't take them seriously

Those who know, know.

I can't wait to see what the future holds for jikook it is all so incredibly exciting 💜

[drowninginredink]

(╹ -╹)? so what would your suggestions for writing an aplatonic character be?

Hmm... Okay well, maybe this is a bad point to start off on, because it involves me making an assumption about whoever is reading this, but I'm going to start with it anyway because it's what I thought about first. I figure that if you're asking this question, there's a pretty high chance you're some flavor of aspec. I think alloplatonic aces and/or aros are the ones most likely to want to give other aspecs representation. And if that is the case and you are somewhere on the a-spectrum, the biggest thing I can say is that if you ask me, all aspec experiences are the same. Like yes, the way society treats romance, sex, friendship, family, etc are all different and so being aro, ace, apl, afam, etc are all different, but so many of the basic experiences repeat.

You hear a lot of aces and aros talk about how they either picked someone at random to say was their crush as a kid, or they just picked the person who seemed nicest. They weren't aware that other people didn't choose one by some method, they had actual feelings for them they couldn't control. Similarly, when I ended up in different classes and a different lunch than all my friends in school and quickly discovered that if I didn't want to have lunch alone, I needed to make new friends, what did I do? I found a person who had a lot in common with me (at the time, being very good at school and coming from a conservative Christian background) and went "yeah, I should probably try and be her friend." There was absolutely no emotional desire—it was just logic.

And a lot of this applies to all queer identities, honestly. How many stories do we hear about someone coming out as bi, and their mom says "oh, I just thought everyone was interested in girls and boys?" We all just assume that our experiences are normal. So just as a trans person might have assumed that everyone feel disconnected from their bodies or an aromantic might assume that crushes are exaggerated to create drama in media, an aplatonic might assume that everyone only really cares about their friends when they're there and doesn't miss them when they're gone. They probably aren't going to understand why some people are so reluctant to try new things if they don't know anyone there, because to them, whether they're surrounded by strangers or friends doesn't make much difference. Etc.

So that's one thing I'll say. You can very much take your own experience of what queerness is like and map it onto the norms about friendship.

I think one thing that is important to mention is that if we are comparing to other aspec experiences, you'll see a lot of narratives, both in fiction and real life, where aro and ace characters have never been in those kinds of relationships because they never wanted them. That's almost impossible to have as an aplatonic. Even if you were the kid who was ostracized for one reason or another, there's always that one exception. People will try to adopt people who have no friends. People will declare themselves your friend even if you just see them as "that person I carpool with to rehearsal and talk to sometimes." It is almost never socially acceptable to say "no, actually I don't want to be friends." If you're a child, you'll often get punished for it; if you're an adult, you usually have to nod along to whatever they say and pretend to care and hope that eventually they notice that you'd prefer to be left alone. Obviously aplatonics with friends and who like having friends exist (hell, I'm one) but even those who don't tend to have someone just because it is extremely hard to be completely left alone if you participate in anything at all. And even if we might not consider the people we do hobbies with or talk to sometimes friends, that doesn't always go both ways.

And of course, you do need some kind of support network in the world. If you're alloromantic, aplatonic, and monogamous, you might want your partner to be the person who meets all of your needs and is everything for you... but that might not be practical. They might not like that. And if you're not in that kind of relationship, you may end up having friends for utility. It's easier to find a sexual partner if you can go along with also being their friend. Again, you might want someone to talk to about a hobby or shared interest, and in order to get that, you also have to perform the role of friendship.

The whole idea of friendship needing to have a purpose or reason or place is a big thing to me. Like, as a kid, I didn't make any friends in my dance classes for years, and I didn't care because in my eyes, I wasn't there for socialization, I was there because I liked to dance. So who cares? But meanwhile, at lunch in school? Friends have a purpose at lunch. You need a place to sit, and you need something to entertain you while you eat. So finding people to be with at lunch is important. Recess is the same way. At work? I have absolutely no interest in being friends with my coworkers. I'm at work to do work. Even if I have downtime, I still generally want to spend it on some other kind of "work" like writing. If I want to friend, that's a separate activity. I friend in my free time.

So to me, being aplatonic means I think about people's specific roles in my life and what they fill, instead of just the vague idea of friendship and that I like having people around. One friend is useful as a writing partner who I do writing sprints with. Another is nice because they're in a different time zone, so they're often awake and around during the part of work where I get bored and all my friends are asleep. Another has known me through all my mental health struggles and is generally a great listener, so they're useful to talk to about that stuff because they already have all the necessary context and immediately understand things. And yeah, as I mentioned before, another is just a really good lay, but we aren't going to only screw for twelve hours straight, so friendship does happen in the breaks in between.

And a final note — being aplatonic means I really don't mind leaving people behind. If someone moves away? I enjoyed them while it lasted, but I'm not going to be super inclined to keep things going. There are plenty of other fish in the sea. A play I'm in ends, so I won't be seeing that group of people every day anymore? Even though I really enjoyed working with them, I'm not going to mind or miss them especially. If someone actively ends a friendship with me? Well that's different. That's a form of rejection, and could be the result of me hurting them in some way or an argument that went badly. All of that is going to sting, if nothing else, because it's a form of failure. I did something wrong. But if circumstances change or we just grow apart? I'm not going to mind.

I've said this before, but that's the aplatonic story I'd really like to see. So many stories are about people who go on some big quest or adventure, and in the process it ends up creating these strong unbreakable bonds between them. They're closer than brothers now. They will never be separated again. You can see that everywhere from Lord of the Rings to Shrek and Donkey. I want to see the story where the group gets along well and they accomplish everything they set out to do, but at the end they all go their separate ways again. There aren't any hard feelings. If they run into each other again in their travels, they'll greet each other happily. They wouldn't mind working together again. But they aren't trying to stay together or stay in touch, either. It happened, and now it's over, and they're more than happy to move on.

... Shit that was long. Well I hope it was helpful!

[taruth3mighty]

Listening to the song 'Army Dreamers' made me realize something about Player and the Blue Strings. Player is a child, or at least younger than the adults around them.

Example here ^^ They're clearly underestimated, not just because they're some random person, but also because they're a child or more accurately, a teenager. Which makes it more fucked up that they're essentially a child soldier. Think about, the Blue Strings is an entity from the Doodle War, who gifted the holder to be fearless and know what to do in battle, something perfect for a soldier. We don't know why Player specifically was chosen, like some random kid from Sketchvile. It could be that no one would notice the shift in personality, but that can't really be the case considering that Player DOES still act like themselves. They literally weren't aware that they were possessed by us until way later. They just did things because whether they were aware or not, chose to do it. Player willingly stepped up to face Zavier even when he was still a threat, and no one knew what else he had besides Chronos. And I feel like that's telling that the Blue Strings chose someone with that sort of courage. The Blue Strings doesn't seem to just choose at random, it feels deliberate. It doesn't feel like the entity to just possess anyone at random. If it was, you think it'd go for someone like Rufus or even one of the Adventurer Unit. They're already strong tamers, some of the strongest in the island. But it specifically chose Player, someone who didn't have any experience battling before or even had a doodle of their own before. I feel like the Blue Strings saw the potential in Player, because if I'm right in my assumption that Player was always by Quincy's side in every timeline. Player was courageous and strong enough to at least get two keys. A single tamer who got two keys who isn't from DoodleCo. And the Blue Strings brought out that potential to go beyond. Honestly, I feel like that's what it does. It brings out the best in whoever it possesses in battle. Look at Portia and especially Quincy, Quincy lost to TJ the first time they battled in the Oasis. But Quincy won against TJ with the help of the Blue Strings. If Player can beat Rufus, the strongest in the Adventuring Unit by the time they finish the third key. Then I'm sure that Player could've always had the potential to beat Zavier, it's just that they needed Chronos out of the picture. (Keep in mind that before, Zavier still had Chronos listening to him, and I doubt that Player by that point could beat Chronos) ...if this is all true. (This is all just some Food for Mind) Then that means Riffraff and Joseph are using children to forward their plans, whether that be to end the island or something else. While Riffraff ain't that bad compared to Joseph who definitely wants to start another war, he's still using children for his pawns. In fact, so many of the adults around them expect more from these kids. Especially Player. They're a strong tamer, but they're still a child too. Same with Zavier. He's still Quincy deep down, and he was traumatized by whatever happened in the future that he is willing to do anything it takes to not make it happen again. We don't know how old he is, but considering how Riffraff treats him... I feel like he hasn't aged that far from our Quincy. The Elder trusted an unstable and emotionally messed up teenager to essentially save everyone on the island. Zavier and Player share so much in common, more than they'll ever realize. Two teenagers being tasked with something way beyond what a teenager should deal with due to the adults around them placing that burden on them, but they do it anyway because they just want to help those around them despite how much they have to give up as a result.

[sol-consort]

just wanted to share a thought that popped into my head. Imagine adopting a lil baby alien, a turian, asari, krogan, salarian, whatever. Just imagine how cutteeeeeee🥰🥰🥰 im gonna pinch their lil cheeks and give em to much candy

Humans are well known for their ability to bond with just about anything. I’m honestly suprised xeno adoptions aren’t something that are even mentioned in the games

I know realistically it could go wrong in a million different ways. I know our differences can be hard to overcome. I know that this is wish fulfilment fantasy at best.

But that's exactly what I want, this beautiful fantasy where humans are accommodating, loving, and absolutely willing to adopt and raise children from different species.

The mental image of a toddler salarian alone is making my brain do backflips, my heart is in a vice grip, this adorableness can't be allowed, this cuteness oh my god. Just imagine the baby salarian. THE BABY SALARIAN MY HEART I CAN'T TAKE IT.

Silly cat videos can't even compare to the level of adorableness that is a baby salarian curling into a ball while sleeping sorrounded by pillows because it unconsciously remind them of the safety of the egg they hatched from.

They're so clever for their age, already solving puzzle toys meant for human kids much older than them. And you couldn't be more proud as you fawn over them, bragging about your genius toddler to anyone willing to listen.

Clever, yes, but not very smart as they attempt to eat your hair on various occasion because they don't know what this strange thing growing from your head is. Endlessly curious, every toy you bring them ends up gutted, turned inside out, then put back together by clumsy fingers.

Each time you take them to the park they overflow their pockets—and yours by extension—with grass, small twigs, and cool rocks. Bugs sometimes, alive ones.

They're the fastest ones to develop speech. Using the high-voice baby talk with them is very effective.

-

Or baby turians who literally chrip like birds when they're hungry, how could a small thing with such sharp teeth still manage to look this adorable? You don't know. They have a small tuff of feathers atop their head, which gradually falls off the older they get

Extremely cuddly, very clingy, chirping loudly whenever you leave the bed, standing in front of the bathroom door waiting for you to come out. They're relatively low-maintenance in comparison to salarian children. Baby turians prefer the tranquility of a soft nest to sleep in all day, wake up to eat food, wiggle around a little, bite your fingers and giggle at the funny human noises you make, then fall asleep cuddling against your warm body. You're so soft, you're basically another pillow to them.

Turians have special toys for their children that are ment to help maintain their claws and teeth. Dextro safe chew toys and rough textured toys to claw against are very common toy lines.

-

Then there are the baby krogans who are just so round and chubby that you wanna squish their cheeks together. Who enjoy rolling around like a ball courtesy of their hard backs and protective shell coverings.

They're heavy and hard to lift, but they love nothing more than being carried around. Raising a baby krogan is its own workout routine.

Definitely attempt to headbutt you when throwing a tantrum. But they're so short they can only reach your knees, and their heads are still soft it feels like a squeaky toy is bumping against your knee.

God, their cute tiny tail wiggling as they waddle around like a penguin.

-

Then there are baby drell who try to bury themselves under your body/the pillows when going to sleep because seeking shade is one of their early instincts.

You have to be careful and resist the human urge to cover them with a blanket because it's actually very bad for them. They also really enjoy laying on the cold tile floor. The cooling effect it has is very calming to them.

They are so much smaller than a human baby. You can't comprehend how these cute things grow up to the size of a drell adult. It's a biological advantage to allow parents to carry them everywhere—which you do, and they cling to you while staring at the world around with wide eyes, very quiet and content with watching things. a small green fist holding tightly to the collar of your shirt.

They're at their most vocal when happy, and they're the happiest when splashing around in a kiddie pool outside. Bathtime is so easy because they seem to enjoy playing with water, but you have to stop them from drinking it multiple times. Prolonged humidity is dangerous, so they can't enjoy it too often.

They shed their scales every so often, you have to use a toothbrush to gently encourage them to moult the stubborn ones.

Their photogenic memory makes it impossible to play peekaboo or hide things from them. They remember exactly where you hid the cookies. They know you have the TV remote behind your back, and they'll squeeze themselves between you and the couch to get to it.

[hopefull-mindset]

A Much Needed Overview

I’ve been brought to a point of feeling the need to discuss the abuse depicted in Bungou Stray Dogs. This isn’t the brightest topic to speak about and I understand why people are reluctant to speak in detail about something as serious as this. It’s not easy, so I’ll be the brave face today because I feel disappointed about the lack of deep discussion beyond the popular topic of “The Abuse Cycle”.

I’m happy that it’s at least brought up amongst everyone as something that exists, I’m happy that people feel as though it’s something to talk about, but I don’t think most understand how to act about it. It’s never as cut and dry as how it’s depicted in most other pieces of media or how people speak about it in general. That is why I am thankful for its depiction here. Not saying that nobody speaks about it with clarity, but it’s not the majority, unfortunately.

I especially felt this was a good time to address this because of the reaction towards Asagiri’s thoughts on Dazai and Akutagawa’s relationship in the recent magazine interview. The outrage is not from nowhere, I was also taken aback at first, but to claim Asagiri “doesn’t even know his own story” is incredibly self-entitled considering the story isn’t done, nor are you the one writing this. If you read the story, no way is Asagiri justifying anything that happened. Please look at the question that is being asked, does it say “Do you think what Dazai did is morally right?” Of course, it isn’t.

Not to be rude but before you start questioning the writer himself if he’s read his own story, have you read it? Please keep in mind the fact this is only a magazine interview and doesn't reflect every nuance. Asagiri doesn't need to go “Oh yeah, this thing that’s bad is bad” every two seconds to explain himself. Asagiri’s writing decisions can be questionable and cannot be uncritiqued, but I’m going to have to defend him on this account.

I’m not sure if any warnings are needed concerning the subject matter considering most BSD fans know what I’m about to go over, but to be clear, please only read this when you’re in a well enough headspace for heavy matters such as this. I am not going to be talking lightly in any of this or dance around what’s happened between any of the characters, abuse is harder to talk about compared to other acts of violence that are objectively worse because it’s a more personal act that too many can find themselves in.

Finally, I do not want to speak about my own experiences online because I’ve only come to terms recently with it and they do not reflect everyone’s response to depictions of abuse in all media. Some things are very uncomfortable to admit about me that I haven’t told anyone, that no one would be able to take well even if they were my closest friend. This isn’t about me at all and there is no point in saying more about my reality, but I think my perspective might help people enlighten themselves on how truly complicated situations like this are.

What is Abuse?

Surprise, we need to go over this before any discussion about BSD happens because a lot misunderstand what abuse is. It's disheartening that the term has been so simplified that nobody knows what it means anymore. Don't substitute words for abuse or use abuse as a substitute for other terms. Abuse as a concept is quite hard to pin down with words and there are many ways to describe it, but by definition in the context that it’s directed to another person, abuse is:

To target and mistreat someone, causing them harm or distress in a repetitive manner

This by itself does not describe the grand scope of everything and probably might make you more confused, but it’s a great place to start and does describe what is directed to the victim. Many sources will use varied wording, but it’s the general knowledge that someone is being hurt to a fundamental level that makes it abuse.

Does the abuser need to intentionally hurt someone for it to be abused? Yes, but not in the way you think. Most abusers are not hurting their victims for the sake of just hurting them, that’s illogical, they’re doing it for something. Some examples include either for themselves in some way or what they think is for their victim’s “own benefit”. Even worse is when they genuinely believe it because they’ve also grown up in an environment that has that same mentality and reflects on themselves.

So yes, it’s intentional in that they’re doing it for a purpose. No matter their intention though, “selfless” or not, it’s still a selfish act in itself that they think that imposing their own will through harmful methods is what the victim needs. The abuse doesn’t need to be physically harming another for it to be abuse. As long as it’s harming you emotionally or otherwise and making you raise flags in your head, it’s abuse.

It sounds strange, but I'm saying it’s intentional because you’re still an intended target of their abuse whether they realize it themself or not. Abuse needs to repeat a form of distress in you to be abuse. For example, does one instance of physical violence against you count as abuse when it never happens again? Well, you need to think about the context. Usually, this would just be assault and that’s it, but is it left hanging in the air to happen again when you interact with them? Do you feel afraid for your well-being, even though it doesn’t happen again?

That’s still abuse, the psychological kind. Typically when abusers resort to physical means, it’s gonna happen again eventually. In this hypothetical instance, however, the point is that repeated distress does not mean repeated actions. It does not need to happen the same way for you to feel unsafe, it just needs to have power over you. Manipulation does not always equal abuse either. It’s a tactic used by abusers, but unless paired up with other actions, it doesn’t fit the criteria of abuse. Context matters when you examine what abuse is.

Here comes the tricky parts that are acknowledged less: When the abuser is someone you’ve relied on in your childhood, in a detrimental part of your life, or someone you care about that you put importance in, and it makes it hard to fully hate that person. What the abuser has done to the victim does not entirely reflect them as people, even if it’s still an important part of them that needs to be addressed.

Abusive people are not only defined by their awful actions, they’re not pure monsters like most love to pretend they are. It’s just easier to think that because accepting that they’re just a multifaceted human being hurts too much when you’re on the receiving end of their worse behavior. But what happens when you’re on the receiving end of both? You try to justify it the way the abuser is because you can’t accept that what’s happening is bad and not something everyone goes through. After all, they treat you decent enough sometimes.

Something so many people need to get into their heads already is that abusers can be victims and vice versa, but just because your abuser went through something themselves or is important to you, doesn’t mean you have to forgive them. Abuse is not forgivable just like that, you can rebuild a relationship beyond that if you’re able to, It’s not a “forgive-and-forget” thing.

Not everyone experiences and responds to abuse the same way, some hate their abusers fully, some can’t bring themselves to, and some don’t even know what to think, but there are so many who don’t feel one way that regarding all abusers as heartless monsters completely invalidates so many stories and their difficult experiences. I have a huge grudge against people like this who restrict abusive situations to just looking like one thing, this is why so many don’t even know that their situations are abusive.

Portrait of a Father

Chapter 39 reflects my points the most, and at the same time, it also turns out to be one of the most controversial chapters. It surprised me that it is, but maybe I shouldn’t be considering how most people on the internet act about abuse. It’s a lovely chapter to me personally and one of my favorites.

If you need a refresher, this is the chapter the Orphanage Director died in and leaves Atsushi in an emotional frenzy about what to think and believe. I know that the underlying message of this chapter is confusing to some, but it hit me in the face point blank on how this is about facing your abuser’s death without any personal conclusion with them.

Being sent on an investigation, Atsushi, after finding out the body was the Director, is stunned and scared because he knows nothing of the director other than his cruelty. He immediately assumes the worst and that he was coming after him again. Atsushi’s thoughts against him are entirely… on purpose in the director’s intentions because we find out that he has gone through so much violence and loss himself that he’s projecting his own will onto Atsushi and making sure he’d “survive in the real world”. So he became his first figure of hate and violence earlier in his life so he’d be “prepared for what comes next”.

I know so many take the backstory for the director as a way to justify what he did to Atsushi in the narrative, but it was just to put into context why he was so cruel. Abusers are never cruel for no reason, that never makes it right, but it’s reality. Atsushi was not the only one in the orphanage who was treated badly, he was singled out by the director most likely for an ability he couldn't control because the headmaster knew he’d get the most trouble for it, and unfortunately… he was right.

Akutagawa being his informant in this chapter makes perfect sense. He can see that what the director was for Atsushi is what Dazai is for him. No matter how terrible their actions were, it’s what kept them alive for so long. It’s not pleasant to confront, is it? Atsushi agrees because when he gets the information that the Director was going to congratulate him with the flowers he was going to buy by selling the gun he had on him, he freaks out. No way the guy he was raised so long to hate, the guy who put him through so much suffering, was going to congratulate him.

I know to some, Dazai’s talk with Atsushi sounded like he was justifying what happened because “it made him a good person in the end”, but that’s not what’s being said. This conclusion I’ve seen some people come to about this conversation confuses me. Dazai is just saying the obvious, you guys get all shocked and it weirds me out how easily it’s been glossed over that the reason Atsushi is so self-sacrificial and trying to do the good thing is because of the director. The reason he puts himself so much on the front lines is because he needs that worth in being good to live and prove the director wrong, he was raised to see that type of person is the most ideal person to live in this world.

After everything that’s been dumped onto him in such a short time, so much inner conflict of what to think of a dead man he no longer can have any personal closure with, he asks Dazai what face he should make, what he should think at this moment. Dazai tells him that they’re his emotions and he can think however he’d like, but commonly someone cries when their father dies. So he cries, because ultimately no matter his treatment, no matter the intent and its effects, it’s still the man who raised him. It’s flawed, but that’s what a father is stripped bare at its core definition and that won’t change no matter your feelings.

Now that I’m done summarizing this chapter and making sure you guys understood the point and how it spells out their relationship, I can finally talk freely about what was happening between them. When it comes to familial abuse, generational trauma is so prevalent it’s hard not to talk about. The director is quite reflective of so many parents who were raised to grow up too early in harsh environments, that they think they need to prepare their children for it too, even though it’s no longer needed.

You don’t need to like someone for them to be important to you, especially if it’s a parent in your life or someone close to that. That’s why Atsushi cries. He cries for the director, he cries for himself, he cries that it’s finally over, he cries for the kindness he could’ve gotten even if it wouldn’t have fixed anything, he cries for the father that never was, he cries because his father is dead. It’s perfectly normal to keep someone close in your heart that wasn’t perfect and to grieve their death.

Was the director successful in what he was aiming for? I want to say no, but he did. He succeeded in making Atsushi think of others in a good light and do good for them, making Atsushi resent him, and giving him the ability to keep going. Hell raised him right, but it was still hell. The problem is that his teachings were based on degrading Atsushi into being nothing but a life he should put aside in favor of others. Even if he continued hating the director like he wanted, he would still degrade himself for being a coward who didn’t hold himself to those standards. The result is not perfect because the director is not perfect, but in his position, this is a success.

The director for a while was his shadow of negative encouragement when he joined the agency, what kept him going in those moments, because he was what defined good, bad, and justice for him in his entire childhood. Even if he was dead, he’d still linger in his mind. I can’t parse out what to think about these hallucinations forming Akutagawa and Dazai to guide him later on, all it tells me is that he still can’t rely on or trust himself and he needs more development in his self-image issues.

I see why fans are confused, hell raising us right is a bizarre thing to say to a victim, so let me show you a perspective you're not seeing. Let's imagine you have an abusive mother who only wants you to be prepared for the things you're undoubtedly going to experience because of what you can't control. What she did does help you, but all that goes through your head is “Why couldn't she have done it differently without my own suffering?” The only thoughts that come rushing back when you think of those memories are the unnecessary pains. It takes a lot for a victim to acknowledge this on their own, they want to push back at the past so they don't have to see this plain reality.

Like anyone else that I’m going to bring up in this post, just because the abuse made them who they are or affected who they became, even when it keeps us going through life and benefits us in some way, does not make the abuse justified. Abuse is still abuse, I addressed this already and I hope not to address this again. I needed to detail an explanation because it’s quite easy to hate a man you know nothing about and has been painted in nothing but a bad light. The anger against the director is undebatable because abuse is not debatable, but to pretend the cruelty was nothing but for cruelty’s sake is mischaracterizing both him and Atsushi.

You can’t pick and choose what’s been told to you in the text just because you don’t like a character and lack the maturity for it. It gets quite hard to do that sort of thing when it’s a character you‘ve grown to care about, it’s no wonder Dazai is divided between so many. Speaking of Dazai, his involvement in this makes as much sense as Akutagawa’s. He’s currently in a mentor position for Atsushi, no matter what Akutagawa says, and shows interest in his development. So of course he’s going to purposely stick his head into something that would affect Atsushi greatly. Both Akutagawa and Dazai are viewing this through their lenses as people who grew up in the darkness of society, and it’s not that Dazai thinks what happened to him wasn’t terrible, you should have eyes to read the panels provided, but he’s generally unfazed and able to sound neutral because he’s used to that cruelty.

The Port Mafia’s Environment

(Aka: is it really “all Mori’s fault” or is it just the product of being literally in The Mafia™?)

I’ll go over the “Cycle of Abuse” in a second, but please keep in mind that you can’t just blame everything on Mori. Just like the Director, it’s so easy to pin the guy who’s just been the worst for every problem there, but it decimates the other characters involved as well and makes what they’ve gone through go flat because you’re restricting it to a misinformed presumption.

To make a bold statement, I need you to completely throw away your idea of what the abuse cycle is. The Mori to Kyouka pipeline being the singular “Abuse Cycle”? Garbage, needs to go away too. I've seen many fans use the term “Cycle of Abuse” too carelessly, and while from afar the way they're using it is not technically wrong, they have the wrong thought process behind it.

The Cycle of Abuse is simply the patterns of what keeps us in an abusive dynamic and negative mental state, either with an individual or environment, and makes it incredibly hard for anyone to leave. It’s not the actions you take that make it the Cycle of Abuse, and it's not just one straight line of people going through similar motions. You don’t have to be someone’s abuser to be the one who keeps them there, if you feed into it you’re still a problem. Even if you don't actively add to it yourself, just staying there as a bystander and not trying to do anything to change it or speak up for the victim when you clearly could also still make you responsible. Just with your presence, it validates what they've gone through as normal.

If you need more of an explanation, two opposite examples include Higuchi & Akutagawa and Beast Kyouka & Atsushi. Higuchi is a traditional example in that she stays in the mafia because of her relationship with Akutagawa, and stays by his side for reasons unknown. What we do know is that she’s incredibly indebted to him enough to care for him to an extreme extent, but their relationship is abusive all the same. Beast Atsushi and Kyouka sounds strange for me to bring up, but this is an example of a non-abusive person contributing to the Cycle of Abuse. Instead of taking her out of an abusive situation, he brings her back in.

Many characters are a part of this main narrative of abuse in BSD, so it's not inaccurate to say Mori, Dazai, Akutagawa, and Kyouka are a part of it as well using this definition as all of them are the reason or contributed to why someone was stuck in a negative, abusive situation or the victim themselves. I’m guessing none of you are genuinely referring to this though and are referring to intergenerational abuse, a repeating cycle of younger generations taking after their abusers when they're older, which is a completely different phenomenon. Both are referred to as cycles and have many commonalities, but it’s not the same. Not to sound like a total dick, but this barely even applies to them.

Not because the concept is based on familial relationships, it can happen with older figures in your life too, but because our oh-so-famous Abuse Cycle gang does not have that commonality to make that claim. They have narrative parallels, but that’s pretty much it. I will save what I have to say in their sections, but Mori and Akutagawa did not abuse Dazai and Kyouka respectively for this type of claim to have any legitimacy. Kyouka certainly broke a cycle, but not that kind since that would need her to continue it in the first place and then prevent her own experiences from even affecting the next child.

What do all Mori, Dazai, Akutagawa, and Kyouka actually have in common? They are/were in the mafia, using their natural talents of cruelty for the underworld.

The Port Mafia resembles something of an abusive household or community that sees so much of what’s done to others there as normal, and constantly compares it to how it was with their old boss and thinks, “At least it wasn’t as bad as that.” It’s quite like the Orphanage Director’s thinking but on a larger scale. Does that make everyone in the Port Mafia abused? Nope, unlike most abusive communities, the Port Mafia is quite literally the mafia. Everyone is there for different reasons, at different ages, and different experiences. Everyone is taken advantage of in these situations, no matter the circumstances, but it doesn’t make them abused automatically.

So it’s hard to have a stance on anything about them being abusive other than the mentor situations in the Port Mafia don’t see abuse as abuse and just another way to teach their subordinates to survive in their world if they deem it necessary. Was Chuuya abused, either by Mori or Kouyou then? I’m going to have to say I can’t tell you that. We don’t have enough information on either of his dynamics with them to say that they’ve directly had any repetitive behaviors of direct harm against him specifically, and there's no reason for them to do so either. I’m not going to use the argument that “Chuuya doesn’t hate or fear them, so that must mean he wasn’t” because again, that type of response does not reflect so many situations.

Chuuya was still harmed by being in the Port Mafia as a teenager because nobody should have been surrounded by this much cruelty at that age. It doesn’t matter if he shows visible distress or not about the Port Mafia, he was just desensitized to it since his sheep days. So was he an abuse victim under the idea that being a child in the Port Mafia is abuse? That depends on who we’re speaking of, but in Chuuya’s situation, I'm going to have to say no as he's already internalized their mindset from his own experiences separate from the mafia. Keep in mind that it also still holds true that you can find family in situations like this, it’s not mutually exclusive. Some just find more comfort in what they’re used to than what would be better for them. Kyouka is a better example of someone being a victim of an abusive community.

A false claim I've seen made many times are the ones where they have it as if Mori is the mafia itself or that he made the mafia what it was. It shouldn’t be too surprising, but it’s the opposite. Mori already held flawed, heartless, calculative methods when in situations he thought required them. We’ve seen him as a soldier and an underground doctor, but we know nothing else about him outside of his cruelty, just like the headmaster. What he does is never for what he thinks is for his benefit, but for the sake of something larger. Whether it’s for the city, the country, or eventually, the Port Mafia.

The mafia is the first time he’s been put into a position of absolute leadership and is not yet accustomed to that at the beginning of Dazai, Chuuya, Age Fifteen. He’s able to quickly fit the mold of a mafia boss, but there’s that bit of honesty that peaks through in this light novel in the first and last sections that’s ignored too quickly. First Mori complains about nothing going immediately right, questions himself about Dazai, and becomes genuinely stressed if it was the right decision to involve him, then confesses that he sees himself in Dazai to him (and him and Fukuzawa in Soukoku in private), and finally gives his honest take of leadership to Chuuya.

I already go over Mori as a character in one of my other posts and will speak more of him later on, so I don’t want to reiterate the same points, but here we have proof he has (albeit poor) humanity. He did not become the Port Mafia boss for his own selfish gain of power if you’ve forgotten, but because Natsume introduced him to becoming part of the Tripartite Framework to protect the city he loves, it’s where he’d excel best in this plan. The Port Mafia was already a shithole, Mori just made it livable again by becoming what an organized crime group needs.

It’s what makes the dynamic between Kouyou and him so intriguing because you have an abuse victim who has embraced the environment she was forced back into, but won’t let go of someone who’s proven to be more of a decent leader than her tormentor and can be relied on. For victims who couldn’t get help or realize they needed help, the easier path is to accept this is your life through some justification. While I said the Port Mafia resembles an abusive community, communities as such aren’t purely terrible and that’s what keeps them justifying it in their head. The family you have for yourself, whether it's a made one or the one you're born with, is what sticks for you.

Like it or not, Mori isn’t stupid. He takes risky gambles that backfire on him sometimes, but he’s good at his job. He’s brutal enough to prove his own against the people who didn’t think he should’ve been boss and outsiders who want to go against the Port Mafia, but he’s considerate enough towards his people and shows enough competency to be perfect for the job. He’s not a great human being, but what did you expect? He no longer had any room to express that humanity, he never had; there was no benefit from being a good person in his line of work.

The Heartless Cur

That looked like a great segue to talk about Dazai and Mori’s dynamic, but it’d benefit to go over Akutagawa first. For those who do acknowledge it as an abusive situation, Thank you for at least taking that step. Numerous don’t and it worries me at the state of what’s considered abuse vs. training. It may be both at times but don't excuse one for the other. Training needs formal consent and communication at some point during a session. Akutagawa is learning, but it’s the same as getting yelled at as a child for not doing your homework right, when again, you’re still just learning.

It might’ve been easier to see for those who do acknowledge it because of the visible physical abuse that happens, but let's not undermine the psychological abuse happening as well. Dazai has messed with his psyche on an abhorrent level through his degrading and threats, making him reliant to hear a single word of acknowledgment from his mouth. What happened to Akutagawa is beyond the mafia’s environment.

Akutagawa does not hate or want Dazai dead for what he’s done to him, but he does hold anger at the seeming abandonment he’s been put through… and at himself as well. Anger that he couldn't get to what Dazai wanted him to be before he suddenly left. So he proves himself by climbing the ranks and becoming someone feared. Spectacles of violence not because he enjoys the feeling of other’s suffering or the power over them, but to show Dazai that see? He's still worth looking at!

He stays in the mafia because he’s found a place there. Even if he could, there was no point in leaving the mafia after he disappeared because what would be left for him if he did? He will always be an unchangeable, horrific hound of the dark and there's no changing that in his mind. From an inference of his actions in the dungeon when they finally reunite one-on-one, he wanted to believe that he was above Dazai after all those years, but Dazai doesn't act impressed or scared or anything. After all that effort, he gets nothing but ridicule and mockery like he's back to being that little kid with an oversized coat too big for his body.

Worse is that he gets told that some new kid Dazai picked up, who didn't train to the extent he did to refine his abilities, is better than him somehow. He gets riled up and at first, takes out on Dazai, but all those threats about killing him and how he went against the mafia were empty. Even now he can't bring himself to hate Dazai, he needs his mentor to acknowledge him no matter what side he's on. He never let go of Dazai, his coat is proof enough of that. So he takes it out on the party that isn't responsible and is convinced he needs to overcome Atsushi to prove something to Dazai.

He doesn't hate Atsushi, not genuinely. He does the same when he’s told he’ll never compare to Odasaku, someone who objectively should’ve been the weakest member due to his status. He gets angry at Dazai’s words, gets angry at himself, then takes it out on the person mentioned, rinse and repeat. I’m not sure if I’m the only one to notice, but he genuinely believed that the meaningful life Dazai gave him laid in the mafia and being useful to its cause. He has no reason to be as loyal to the mafia if he didn't think this.

Dazai’s acknowledgment means more than just appreciation for his skills and strength, it means his life meant something by striving for being the strongest. It’s not about the acknowledgment at all. Whenever he critiques and shames Atsushi for how he lives his life, it just feels like he’s unknowingly shaming himself through him without having to acknowledge his wrongs. It makes me curious about how much the acknowledgment itself even matters to him and the validation it gives him to strive for this is an excuse to keep living so what he’s doing in the mafia even matters in the end. What counts as acknowledgment to him?

He's convinced his faults are what made Dazai turn away, he just doesn’t know how to do anything to fix it and can't fix it this late into the game. What does Dazai want from him other than being stronger? When Dazai directly asks him to do something important involving Atsushi, he’s confused. He has no reason to trust him to do these missions. He’ll take the chance to prove himself once and for all, but to be included means he's being acknowledged, so what gives? The number of times he visibly self-reflects can be counted on one hand because as soon as it shows, he goes back to justify his violence and ignores his faults.

As someone whose favorite character is Akutagawa, I’m disgusted that all people can take away from him is “Akutagawa is an obsessive fanboy that deserves no sympathy because of what he did to Kyouka” or “Akutagawa is a poor, miserable man that didn’t deserve what Dazai made him into and should be absolved of responsibility because it’s all Dazai’s fault”. Both are very shallow and very harmful to perpetrate as they continue the idea that a person can only be the abused or abuser. He's both and it's okay to admit that.

Quickly let’s clear up this: He is not the way he is because of Dazai.

What Dazai IS responsible for:

Akutagawa’s need for his constant approval and recognition

Akutagawa learning to hone his ability

Akutagawa’s toxic views of being useful

The reason Akutagawa’s still alive

The reason Akutagawa is the Mafia’s dog

What Dazai is NOT responsible for:

Everything else

Akutagawa’s lean toward violence, his one-track stubborn mindset, and his lone-wolf attitude are not a product of Dazai’s treatment, he’s always been that way because of his time in the slums. He got beaten down by adults frightened of his empty gaze, had to learn to protect himself and find something to eat to survive, helped take care of his sister Gin and his friends by himself, and everyone constantly dying around him. That’s the real reason his personality is like that. He is a victim of his circumstances in a society that deemed him worthless, so he also thinks of his life as worthless. That’s why Dazai means so much to him.

Dazai did not trick him into joining the mafia, Dazai expressed what he was going to go through was worse than what happened in the slums and gave Akutagawa an out that he could live a normal life with enough money, but he knew Akutagawa would not refuse because he still needed meaning in living, just like him. Gaining enough money to get by so he and his sister could get out of the slums would do nothing for him, he already felt that his life was worthless. He has no problem throwing it away at any time, he was gonna die young regardless because of his lung disease. It has manipulative undertones, but that's how Dazai usually is with even the people he cares about.

Akutagawa knows too well that a person needs a sign, someone to tell them it’s okay to keep going, and so does Dazai. Part of Dazai’s goal is to save Akutagawa from dying and give him a reason to live like he promised that day because he sees the potential that could come from his development. I don't want to sound like a dick again, but you’d have to be dense to think Akutagawa would still be dead by the end of this arc. He isn’t sending him off to his death, Dazai doesn’t know everything.

Even if he knew Akutagawa might die there, it's better than both Atsushi and Akutagawa dying at that moment. If Akutagawa didn’t want to die for him, he wouldn’t have, he chose to save Atsushi’s life. This is why I have to defend Asagiri. Let’s reread the interview together, to make it get across already.

(Twt link)

Q: Just like how Akutagawa and Atsushi's relationship has changed, I could feel the relationship between Dazai and Akutagawa moving forward too. Is it like what Akutagawa has said in Episode 3 of Season 5, that every order he has received from Dazai so far has been "a trial", "a part of a meaningfull life"?

First, the question being asked. They’re asking Asagiri about their relationship in the present, and how it’s developed. Akutagawa is no longer thinking he was abandoned by Dazai for a new, better student like he was made him believe, that was just to rile him up and interact with Atsushi more. Instead, he realizes that he’s not supposed to work against Atsushi, he’s supposed to work with him. How he decides to go about that battle with Fukuchi and whether or not he works with Atsushi like a partner is his trial. If this was Akutagawa before he met Atsushi, he would’ve no doubt escaped or might’ve thought defeating Fukuchi would prove himself to Dazai. He's not an obstacle to his meaningful life, his quest for a meaningful life lies with Atsushi.

Asagiri responds with:

Asagiri: Needless to say, Dazai is the most qualified person in this world to help Akutagawa grow. Dazai has a vision for Akutagawa's development, and he completely understands what it takes to achieve it. We, as obsevers, can only see bits and pieces of that vision. But I can at least say that Dazai's training plan has never been wrong.

Many find this answer questionable, I was stunned reading it myself. Asagiri is not wrong at all here though, Dazai is objectively the only person in this series who can find a way to help him. Atsushi is the endpoint, but Dazai has been guiding him to this point. Dazai himself said that he was planning to team them up the moment he met Atsushi, he was still thinking of him even after all these years. There are much scarier implications than thinking that Asagiri was wrong. It's that Dazai was doing everything intentionally to get Akutagawa’s mindset where it was. He didn't mess up with Akutagawa, he just couldn't personally teach him the skills he needed and chose a different route until he found something that could.

Asagiri is not saying the abuse was morally justified, but the intention behind it was not wrong in an objective stance. Dazai would know what to do the most because of his understanding of wanting to find meaning in living. Teenage Dazai couldn’t have achieved much by himself, even if he could understand since he also could not find meaning in life. That’s why he made him hang on to his every breath of validation so he would keep his faith in Dazai long enough for him to find a solution to this dilemma. The moment in life when he found Akutagawa was not ideal and he still did what he thought he had to do for him to survive in the mafia. Without his ability, he's incredibly weak and needs to be able to defend himself. A violent person could not have made another violent person unlearn their violence.

You could say he just wanted a weapon, but that’s not it, not even close. Many of you are stuck on the part that it was a suicidal teenager that picked Akutagawa up from the slums and that no way someone like that could teach another suicidal teenager anything, so it’s “comical that Asagiri thinks as though he’s the most qualified”. You’re not wrong in some sense, but this is still incredibly intelligent, “Black Wrath of the Port Mafia”, Osamu Dazai, and not just some suicidal teenager.

He’s also no longer a teenager. Right now we’re talking of Dazai in the present who’s grown and no longer needs to be how he was in the mafia, he has Atsushi now, someone who can help Akutagawa see what’s wrong in his outlook. The only thing he could’ve done back then was to shelter Akutagawa so he wouldn’t kill himself. It's horrible, but Dazai validating where he is now would do no good for either of them and fix nothing.

Q: What kind of person is Dazai to Akutagawa?

Asagiri: Actually, at the time of "The Dark Era", Dazai already spoke very highly of Akutagawa, as someone who would "become the Mafia's strongest skill user in the not-so-distant future". He just doesn't say that in front of Akutagawa himself. The reason he doesn't say it is that Dazai has to be "the presence that continues to give meaning to life" to Akutagawa. So far, that trial has been completely successful.

None of what Asagiri brings up is new information. He doesn’t say it in front of Akutagawa not to spite him, but if he gives these praises out too freely, he loses his distant, almost god-like presence in Akutagawa and will go back to being just a lone wolf with no exceptions that will carelessly get himself killed. Without any goal, he’s lost. Just like Atsushi and the headmaster and how Atsushi hinges on proving he can do a good thing to motivate his life, Akutagawa similarly hinges on the fact that if he fails, he won’t get Dazai’s approval.

However, his death was not fully about Dazai’s approval in the way he's been preaching. In chapter 87, he mentions Dazai’s approval like always, and when they fail the first time even after trusting and working with each other as Shin Soukoku should, It hits him. What came into his head I cannot parse out at the moment, but his actions speak so much louder than any explanation we could've gotten. Of course, he's helping Atsushi escape, but what does he do for that? He used his ability on his shirt, and not just on the coat like he typically does.

It doesn't seem like a big deal at first, he could've always done that, but when was the last time he used it on something that wasn't the coat Dazai gave him? The coat means many things. His new beginning, his path in being Dazai’s student and successor (as that was also Mori’s coat), but it also conveys Dazai’s will that keeps him alive and that he's only strong with his coat. Without it, he's defenseless, so he clings to this coat the exact way he clings to those orders. It's his encouragement to keep going when Dazai isn't there. This overwhelming, suffocating responsibility, an oversized coat, is a lot to give to a kid but it's comfortable and he’ll grow into it eventually.

It was already a huge step in his development that he gave Atsushi his coat, but to use his ability not on his coat means he's making an effort to overcome his fixation and do an action unrelated to Dazai for the sake of Atsushi’s life. His whole life after the slums, everything he's ever done was with Dazai in mind. Him saving Atsushi’s life was not because he was doing what Dazai wanted him to do, that he'd finally get approval for doing It, and in turn give his life meaning before he died. When he saved Atsushi, it would give his life meaning in just that. He shouldn't let himself be defined by the past the way he criticizes Atsushi for, so he’s going to choose his meaning. I wouldn't say he's moved past Dazai yet, but he's getting there.

Dazai and Akutagawa’s relationship is not healthy in the slightest, and Dazai’s crueler actions and words against him are not right, but they’re still growing and not stagnant characters. Atsushi and Akutagawa learn from each other and that's what's pushing them to change. Nobody will pretend those past means weren’t just abuse, they were, but there's so much more to it. Like I asked with the director, was he successful? Well from what I’ve said, yes it so far has gone the way Dazai hoped for in the best-case scenario.

In the main universe at least, this is one of the better ways it could’ve gone. Beast is a different story. Teenage Dazai of the main universe was unsure of Akutagawa’s future and did only what he could’ve done at that time, but Beast Dazai does have that knowledge and he decided that it would be best for Akutagawa to not be in the mafia, instead bringing in Atsushi. It wouldn’t have been good to let him pursue his violent tendencies more than necessary in the mafia in this universe when he knew there was a better option, especially with someone like Oda, who would take the time to care for him properly.

Even if he didn’t bring him in, he still gave him the motivation to keep living for something. The prologue of Beast is a mirror to The Heartless Cur, with instead it’s a distant relationship of hate Akutagawa has for him for taking his sister. For those who argue that since Beast exists, that means Asagiri was somehow “wrong about Dazai”, but it’s still Dazai from the beginning that’s the source of this motivation. Dazai, who's still guiding him. If we’re gonna be honest, Dazai was putting their development/capabilities in speed run mode with the logic and future information he had access to prepare them for a timeline he won’t be alive for. There are many factors for what he did in Besst, but that’s not the conversation.

What does he get from helping him? Who knows, Asagiri wasn’t being cheeky when he said we only see bits and pieces of his vision. We barely have any clue what’s going through that man’s head, so don’t act like you do. He wasn’t always planning for the next Soukoku. Maybe it was a thought that came up sometimes, but he’s only met Atsushi recently. What about Akutagawa was so different from any other powerful ability-wielding orphan? Well, we’re not gonna know any time soon.

The point is that Dazai is thinking about their future, even if the abuse or manipulation makes that hard to see. Please do remember that abuse is still selfish no matter the intention, but non-selfish intentions make it all the more complicated to process. Their relationship is not misunderstood by Asagiri himself, it’s just clear to me most don’t want to face the unpleasant truth that there is more to their dynamic. When I first realized what was going on, I couldn’t help but get unnerved and awkward when someone would ask me about these two. These are both characters in the spotlight that you’re supposed to care about, but what happened between them is rotten.

You’re not supposed to pretend it didn’t happen because Dazai still contributed to who he is and it shows whenever it’s on screen. Abuse doesn’t make us stronger, don’t make it as if that’s a message that Asagiri is spreading. What happened to him motivated his development, but with Atsushi, that’s the opposite. Their circumstances are different and victims process what's happened to them in various ways. Depicting it in a form less common than usual doesn't mean the author thinks in the same way the victim does, it's just nuance at work.

I did not add Akutagawa’s attitude towards his subordinates and newer members as Dazai’s responsibility because Dazai is not the one controlling his hands when he hits Higuchi. Dazai’s mentoring contributed to his toxic views of being useful, but it’s only Akutagawa’s responsibility once he raises his hand. Instead of thinking of this in the context of the most typical abusive situation you can think of, how about this:

Your parent was raised in an abusive household, but they think they came out of it just fine and that there was nothing wrong with how they were treated. They treat you almost the same way, and all you can take away from that when you find out is, “At least it’s not as bad as it could’ve been”. You still hold anger at the standards they’re forcing you to reach, but if that’s what it takes to get that approval, then you’ll keep going anyway. Even if you get yelled at and you know you shouldn’t be treated like this, it’ll feel nice when you finally get on their good graces, right?

Then you get a new sibling, and all of that comes crumbling down. They don’t treat your sibling anywhere near the same when you were that age. Years go by and you get angrier and angrier. Why is it only you that was put to that standard? Even worse is that they treat you differently now too. You finally got to those standards, but now what is it worth? They’re so much nicer now and you want to curse them out for only changing now. Why couldn’t have had that parent from the beginning? It’s so unfair, but you can’t take it out on them because you still need them, they mean so much to you. As angry as you were, they were doing it because they cared about you in their way, you think. It was what your grandparents did to them at least. So you start treating your sibling similarly to how you were treated because you can’t take it that they didn’t experience that hardship without destroying yourself first.

Question: Are you right in what you did? Was the parent responsible for what you did to your sibling?

Nobody in their right mind would say yes to that first question. It makes sense why it happened, but continuing abuse will never be the correct answer. You’re doing the same thing your parent did. The second question needs more exposition to answer, however. How responsible is responsible?

In the end, even if it was the parent who influenced it, you’re only responsible for what you’ve done on your own accord. The parent did not tell you to take it out on your sibling, you decided that yourself. The parent is still responsible for what they’ve done to you, never get that wrong, but if you say that your guilt is absolved because it’s all their fault, you sound no different from any other abuser in denial. Are you saying now that the parent is also absolved from guilt because it’s all their parent’s fault too? Listen to yourself, You hurt someone but it’s not your fault, but the person who hurt you is also somehow not at fault? If someone came up to you and said that, you’d be fed up.

For those who do the same thing with Mori, rethink what you’re saying. Is it that painful to admit your favorite characters are at fault and that they’re changing? This comparison isn’t perfect and ignores some key factors: Dazai isn’t Akutagawa’s or Atsushi’s father and is not much older than them, the Port Mafia is a violent workplace environment and requires you to be able to navigate it a certain way, and all three of them at adults in present time. I used this comparison to be more real to earth and something a larger audience could process themselves to truly get that the emotions here are not straightforward even in a realistic situation.

Re: Portrait of a Father

Just like the prologue, in chapter 3 of the Beast light novel, Portrait of a Father is mirrored and retold in brutal upset that does not hold the hopeful bittersweetness at the end of it unlike its original. Before the present day, against all orders Dazai gave him, Atsushi attacked the orphanage on the day of his birthday. On his birthday, he would be reborn from the ashes of his past being burnt away, and kill the director inside to release himself from the fear of those memories.

It’s what he says at least.

Playing out, the director was expecting him. There might have only been one person in his mind who would’ve attacked a rundown orphanage on this scale. It frightens Atsushi after all that planning and fear of losing to the director, he could still see through him, but confusion takes hold when he’s told that he was late for his graduation.

Graduation? Atsushi is in fight or flight mode, why is he approaching him with this box? He can’t imagine it being anything other than a weapon, nothing else would make sense for this cruel monster. The director won’t give him any straight answer, just repeating words he’s heard over and over growing up here. He uses his tiger hearing to glean what could be inside.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

There’s the proof, it had to be a bomb. He needs to protect himself before anything happens or he’ll die. He’s scared, he can’t move, but he has to fight. The director opens his arms for the embrace of his child… and death, plummeted into a bloody mess on the floor. Only out of the corner of his eye, only when Atsushi stopped, he saw what was in the box. It was a watch, brand new and high-end. Happy Birthday was what was written on a sheet of paper next to it.

His last words, whispered into his ear, were words of encouragement: “Yes… just like that.”

I was not kidding when I said this was brutal. Just like in the main universe, Atsushi learns why he did what he did and can’t place any of his feelings, but overwhelmingly guilt crushes him to keep protecting people with his life rather than just fear because he killed him. He finds out much earlier about what happened with Shibusawa, and how the director protected his identity as the tiger.

The director’s intentions are draining when you let your mind wander. As we’ve established, the headmaster as a figure of hate for Atsushi is intentional on his part. He doesn’t explain anything on purpose here to probe him into killing him. He bought that watch for Atsushi as a congratulations for growing up and becoming a new independent individual.

In the split minute before Atsushi took the first swing, he said his usual, “Those who fail to protect others do not deserve to live.” I have to question now if he was so willing to die there, even encouraging him to kill him, then has it been this whole time he still can’t live with himself for what happened to his friends… or is it because he couldn’t protect Atsushi anymore? Maybe I’m overthinking it and it was just that the headmaster thought Atsushi needed to kill him to remove an obstacle in his growth as an individual, to be a necessary sacrifice for his benefit.

It's too flawed though. The director will never leave him, not after all that he's engraved into Atsushi. The watch has become not a symbol of a person who's found himself, but a child that's latched himself onto his father's cold corpse that won't ever respond, but that child would do anything to have him wake up and say "Good job, Atsushi". The director also has a clock, but can he call himself a strong individual when he hasn't let go of the past either?

Time stopped for Beast Atsushi when he picked up that watch. If he had just followed orders, none of this would’ve happened. If he isn’t his father’s child, if he doesn’t uphold his last wish, then who is he? When he’s no longer in the mafia and has time for himself to think, he wanders.

He failed in becoming someone he could be proud of, he deserved to die for that but doesn't want to be dead… because It wasn't truly about the Director, just like how it wasn't truly about Dazai’s acknowledgment or saving his sister for Akutagawa. At first, that was the motivation, it's the reasoning they keep going with, but in the end, it was to save their own life and give it purpose to validate why they're still around. If they can die like this, then it's all the same. If they have their own life in someone else’s hands, then they no longer have to be responsible for their own heavy-hearted weight.

Beast Atsushi is given neither and is taken of his reasoning, but he keeps going. Aimlessly.

Luckily, it’s not where his story ends.

He wakes up in his old orphanage, and it’s no longer the dreary place it was when he was younger. Kids laughing outside, no chains on the walls or bars blocking off the windows, and the new Orphanage Director greets him. He tells him that he will go back to being a student of the orphanage until he can become independent again, under one of Dazai’s last requests before he died.

Still, there’s one thing he needs to do. The new director takes out the watch and tells him to break it. Atsushi is distraught by this notion, but he won’t let Atsushi leave if he doesn’t. The new director has good reason, there is no point in becoming someone the past director was proud of and this is what’s holding him back. Atsushi, eventually, tells him he will not break the watch. He can’t move on just yet and this watch is still proof he’s himself, yet…

He’ll keep going and move forward, just like Akutagawa told him after he spared his life. The new director finds those words to be enough, saying he can’t leave until he finds something else to define himself with, but he can keep living here as his son. He went there to burn away his past and came out of it not able to let go of the past, but now he can redo and process it healthily with someone willing to hold him like a father should.

The Man Who Raised Dazai

Everyone who’s read Beast has questioned it: Why did Dazai in his right mind have Mori take care of an orphanage? Why did he save his life? Better yet, why is he so nice?! I have come up with some speculation on why Dazai would.

“Beast Dazai recognized this potential of change either from the multitude of universes he was able to witness or recognized it in his own considering canonverse Dazai never does anything against Mori (even if he visibly dislikes him).”

“Possibility is one thing, the why is another. It was either that he saw potential and good that could come out of this in the long run, Mori’s intelligence and expertise still proves usefulness, less dangerous for Oda in the long run if he let Mori stay there instead of the Mafia, or all three.”

(Didn’t feel like rephrase them)

We can’t know anything for sure about his decision, but I do know Mori is the type of character to sacrifice his feelings for what he thinks would logically benefit the sum, and there’s no better way to release yourself from that too-calculative responsibility than to remove yourself from it and to be in a place where you’re allowed to care for others and express yourself when there is no greater purpose than to just grow.

What happened with Yosano is undoubtedly wrong, but Mori had put away any sympathy in those situations because he needed her to do what he brought her in for. I was confused by his declaration that violence should never be used to educate children when I read it, especially out of his mouth, but now I understand. He would know with certainty that it’s not the right way to educate children, particularly because this is a Mori that hasn’t been in the dark for these past years and has grown to care for these children at the orphanage without any greater intention for them.

He’s not like the Old Director because he has no reason to think these kids would end up the way he did. They’re just kids that need someone to raise them with kindness, kindness will be what gets them through life as functional adults. Abuse has too many drawbacks to be called an optimal solution here. Is it surprising that all it took to change Mori was the kindness and salvation Dazai offered to him when he took over? Can you believe it was that simple to treat someone like a human being instead of a figure of hate?

What sticks out to me like a sore thumb is that when he’s introduced in Beast, he’s referred to as the man who raised Dazai. He is, regardless of what you think, the closest thing Dazai has to a father figure. In regards to how the fanbase speaks of their relationship, it’s hard to think that he cared about Dazai, but he did and the extent of how bad it got between them is grossly exaggerated.

As many comparisons Dazai gets with Yosano, their relationship with Mori is very different. Unlike Yosano, he did not need to be forced to do anything with psychological abuse and he did not need to be torn down to do what Mori asked him to. We don’t know what happened to him to become like this, but it wasn’t because of Mori. Yosano had light in her and a motivation to do the right thing, but Dazai didn’t. Dazai is no stranger to any violence or using violence himself even before Mori if he's this desensitized.

It’s useful that Dazai is like that when he meets him, up until it isn’t. He’s moody and actively looking to die. Mori can’t predict him that easily and Dazai can see right through him. There’s another huge difference between them though: Mori sees himself in Dazai. We don’t have enough insight in his head to make conclusive statements, but I think this is why he cared for Dazai. It’s not because he saw a child struggling that he cared, but grew some fondness because he saw a little mini-him. When he drove Dazai out of the Port Mafia, he expected him to come back and take back his vacant seat.

Eventually, Dazai will come back and realize that petty anger about someone dying is illogical in somewhere like the mafia. But because of him not being able to see through Dazai and seeing himself in him, he also expected him to eventually usurp his seat if he stayed any longer. That is why he had invited Mimic at the time he did and manipulated the situation so Oda, someone he knew Dazai cared for, would go and take care of the situation flawlessly. He’d be sacrificed and Mori could get something out of it, a Skilled Business Permit. A perfect plan… in theory, but Mori was wrong and miscalculated on many levels because of how many assumptions he made about Dazai.

First, he wouldn’t have known that it was Oda who held the words that would convince him to leave the mafia and go into the world of light. Dazai will never come back to his own volition. Second, as those panels quite literally tell you, Dazai was never planning on killing him. He saw his place in the mafia and saw that he was needed there. When Mori finally realizes his mistake with Dazai 4 years later during the Guild Arc, he can’t go back. His plan was still perfectly sound and he still got what he wanted out of it. He shouldn’t regret it, but…

Now that’s been paved out, where does wanting to save Dazai fit into this? If I had to assume, it’s the same reason he didn’t shoot Dazai for leaving his office during Dark Era. He cared about that boy, for 4 whole years he left him and his seat alone when the logical thing he should be doing was replacing him, but as much as he might’ve cared, he needed to put the mafia first. He didn’t let him die because of his use, but also because of their so-called “common destiny” in his eyes, a diamond in a rough he might’ve disposed of otherwise if he didn’t see his potential. There’s not much he could’ve done for Dazai here except keep him healthy and alive. Mori gets tons of flack for not trying to help him, but there's nothing he could've done, not in their position.

He can't cultivate his potential if there is abuse involved because there is no logical reason for him to do anything to Dazai. You guys have to stop assuming the worst when it comes to Mori, you’re missing huge character details that are right in front of you. The difference between Mori, the Boss of the Port Mafia, and Mori, the Orphanage Director is that he had time to rekindle his humanity so he’s able to care about him like a normal human being, feel guilt, and admit regret after Beast Dazai has died. Mori at most was responsible for ingraining tactical strategies and theories and molding him into the perfect Mafioso and right-hand man.

Not to say any of those aren’t a bad thing. He’s still a child and having him use his desensitized, intelligent mind to build the potential in what he could do for the mafia, it’s just that he’s responsible for very little in Dazai’s personality. The only answer I could give about Dazai being abused by Mori or being abused under the credentials that he’s a child in a violent, unsafe place is the same answer given earlier for Chuuya: in his case, not really.

Regarding this, I retract my statement about anything I’ve said about Beast Atsushi not being a victim in his time in the mafia, but I still hold my stance that he’s not the victim of the port mafia. I want to say the same thing about Beast Dazai and Atsushi that I do here, but considering he picked him up and trained him like how he trained Akutagawa, there’s a great chance Dazai emotionally abused him when you read their interactions. Not physically as that would make him too much like the headmaster, but just enough emotional distress in bringing up traumatic moments to manipulate him into doing what he needs of him.

It’s not a good relationship, but Mori wasn’t targeting Dazai in any real way like the Director and Atsushi or Dazai and Akutagawa. Unlike every other section, I have to conclude that he didn’t do anything to Dazai in that regard other than treating him like another adult when he shouldn't have. I don’t have much to say negatively about their dynamic otherwise. Just a weird, terrible son with his weird, terrible father. It’s more like someone who's taking after their mentor’s teaching and methods rather than an abuse victim echoing their abuser. This is why I don't accept the “Cycle of Abuse” as how the fandom understands it. It tells me a lot that people resort to the blame game.

I wonder what Dazai and Mori’s relationship would've looked like without any of this in the middle. Maybe something in cadence with Ranpo and Fukuzawa, but I can't help thinking that accepting Atsushi as his son in Beast instead of a student wasn't just for Atsushi’s sake. He was about to call him his student too, but immediately changed his mind. He already admitted he was helping him because of what happened to Dazai, so it can’t be a huge jump to think that in the same way this is Atsushi’s redo in building a relationship with a father figure, this is Mori’s redo to give him some atonement for the boy he failed.

A Mother’s Love

Kyouka, when we first meet her, appears as a force to be reckoned with. With skills a young girl shouldn’t have, and a demon shadowing behind, she’s a terrifying opponent. Quickly though, that appearance falls short in tragedy when the bomb Atsushi’s after is found on her own body and when he asks if she truly wants to kill... She has no answer, but her actions speak clearly. She gives him the defuser because she doesn’t want any more people to die, but the man behind the phone will not let it defuse.

So Kyouka does the next best thing to save more from dying: falling off the train with the bomb that’s about to go off. As long as she dies with it, nobody can use her and her abilities to massacre the people on the train when the bomb eventually fails to do what is necessary. Because that’s when Atsushi realizes that she cannot control her ability herself. No matter what she genuinely wants, she will never have the ability to obtain it because of this one fact. She can only be what people tell her she is.

We all know this story well, she gets saved by Atsushi and the man behind the phone is Akutagawa. Atsushi offers her the same kindness Dazai extended to him regardless of his reputation and destruction because it’d only be the right thing to do. He knows her incoming fate of eventual death for her crimes, he can’t do much, but she should at least experience normalcy this one time.

When she’s about to turn herself in, Akutagawa stops her and tells her she did her job well as a decoy for him to capture Atsushi. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there’s a peculiar oddness about Akutagawa here in his attitude towards Kyouka. In all logic, even though she is a strong tool to the mafia, she’s a low-level member, a disobedient one at that, and should’ve been killed on sight for her betrayal considering how quick he is to violence, but he talks as if nothing even happened. He brushes off any thought of her dying as she’s spouting nonsense and that she’s going to go back to the mafia as normal.

But then he spouts off about how she’s better off dead on the ship if she stops killing. What’s up with that? It’s not completely obvious at first, but he’s projecting his own experiences in the slums and beliefs formed from Dazai’s mentoring onto her. From his time when he wasn’t in the mafia, he tells her there’s nothing left out there for people like them, there’s only rock bottom. He can confidently say that there is nowhere that would accept her for her ability, demon snow, because it’s the same for him.

The only way her life can have value is to kill to be useful, just like any good mafia member. It’s exactly why that flashback with Dazai happens here. He’s the one who fed him these thoughts he’s lived with for these past 6 years, and what she’s been believing for 6 months. He doesn’t loathe her, he sees it as doing a favor for her. What else can a little girl who can kill be use of except to kill in her circumstances?

Contrary to popular belief, he is not her abuser and is not the same thing Dazai was to him. He neither trained her nor did we have information on their relationship to come to that conclusion. The only thing we know is that he was the one sent to pick her up by the Port Mafia. We can prove she is not the way she is because Akutagawa since Beast, well, exists. She is one of the few characters I can confidently say was a victim of the Port Mafia itself and not just a person of the Port Mafia specifically.

Akutagawa was trying to be what Dazai was to him, but he is selling a bastardized version of it to her. The person who was her Dazai was Atsushi, the same person who was given Dazai’s act of kindness. Someone who has experienced the same things Akutagawa has and is living proof that she can hope for something better.

He could see that the same revenge and lack of regard for her life in her eye was the same kind he met Dazai with. Despite that, these lessons he’s internalized have helped no one, not even himself. She can’t find meaning in something that is the root cause of her suicidal ideation. This life is unfulfilling for people like them who need meaning in life. Akutagawa doesn't realize this because he still has Dazai to be his motivational goal. That’s why he failed to help Kyouka, Dazai’s efforts would’ve been considered an utmost failure too if he wasn’t actively trying to fix that misunderstanding. Kindness is what actively saves us and helps us grow, the harm in abusive environments will only stunt us. But what happens when kindness is offered to us, but nothing comes out of it except proving us right that we’re unsavable? Then you have Kouyou.

Kouyou is the second person I could say was a victim of the Port Mafia. She has the same belief Akutagawa had about people like them being unable to be saved, so the only thing they can do is embrace it. I can’t claim she was Kyouka’s abuser either as we again don’t know enough, but that doesn’t change that her behavior is emotionally abusive, and is a much better contender than he is.

She’s doing the same thing Akutagawa was doing himself. Seeing themselves in this child and doing what she “needs” instead of what she wants. Just like him, she views this as saving her from the hands of light that will never make room for them and will ignore everything else she says. When Akutagawa is faced with her “disillusionment”, he… accepts it when she refuses his will and chooses another path, but almost kills her to spare her from that decision that would “doom” her.

Kouyou is much less accepting, opting to kill the root source of this hope itself, Atsushi, because her fondness for Kyouka prevents her from leaving her for dead. In contrast to Akutagawa’s attempt at being what gives her life meaning, Kouyou wants to stop Atsushi from being like the same man who also gave her hope that they could escape to the world of light. She can’t bear to see Kyouka go through the same realization she did far too late.

I can see what you're thinking, why am I reluctant to call either of them Kyouka’s abuser? Even if Akutagawa doesn't count, shouldn't Kouyou count because she seems to have an actual relationship with her and her effects are prevalent in Beast, the same points I mentioned to debunk accusations against him? Sure actually, but think about it like this. What the Port Mafia does have in common with real situations is that this is a community that is full of victims who refuse to process their traumatic experiences for any reason, and bring down others to their level when they don’t fit in their narrative to justify what’s happened to them.

There isn’t just one abuser weighing over you, there's this collective pressure from so many who aren't your abuser but they still contribute to your abuse with their presence itself. If Dazai wasn’t there in the mafia, would Akutagawa's situation have changed? Yes. Now if Akutagawa or Kouyou weren’t in the mafia, would Kyouka's situation have changed? Not at all. She’d have fewer examples to refer to, but she’d still be abused. If it’s easier to imagine, think of it similarly to cult mentality and how they keep you in cults. That is the reason I emphasized being a victim of the Port Mafia instead of an individual. Kouyou, Q, and Kyouka, while you can pin their main perpetrators on certain people, their overall situation doesn't change.

Now why doesn’t she just use the phone herself instead of letting people call Demon Snow for her? Wouldn’t she have more agency that way? Atsushi proposes this, but she rejects it instantly. It’s a very simple answer, it’s the same reason she can’t bear to look at it outside of when she’s forced to use it in combat. It’s her ability that killed her parents and why she was forced into this position.

It’s not hard for a little girl to believe she’s nothing more than a killing machine when she sees that night her ability would mercilessly kill her parents. She eventually caves when Kouyou points out how quick she is to vindicate violence to protect that hope she desperately wants a part of, and how she will never change. Her first mission with the Armed Detective Agency is proof in itself. Was Atsushi going to keep extending his kindness after hearing what she could only blame herself for?

Kouyou is a character I’ve seen that gets a lot of double standards compared to all of the other characters I’ve mentioned with abusive tendencies and is almost purely liked. She’s not seen as an absolute monster (The director, Mori) or controversial with one side containing pure dislike and another pure love (Akutagawa, Dazai), it’s only that she’s a well-written, sympathetic badass girl boss. It’s either because she’s a woman, that she doesn’t use an overt intimidation style, that her motives are more obvious in their emotional influences, or all of the above that she’s not treated the same.

Kouyou’s motivations are not special, as I’ve said. The only thing that differentiates them from the others is that they’re not covered by a mask of indifference. As fond as she is for her, she’s not much different from anyone else who holds the mafia up in high regard. She weaponizes her words in where they’d hurt the most so Kyouka would come with her. The entire last section of their battle sums up with her saying, “Kyouka come with me, they’ll only use you for your Ability when they get a hold of it. Even if the mafia did the same thing, at least they’ll accept you for who you truly are: a natural-born killer. You don’t have to fight anymore, I’ll protect you.”

When Atsushi finds Kyouka once again subsequently in her disappearance, she chooses to embrace her violence to help the Armed Detective Agency in this fight with the Guild. After her walk in where she used to reside, she comes the the conclusion she no longer belongs there. Against Kouyou’s wishes, she will brandish her blade for a home. That blows up in her face the moment she starts. Atsushi gets taken, and it’s just as Kouyou said would happen. If even her violence doesn’t get her wish, then what can she do besides leave herself to her fate?

As someone who’s seen another with a talent for killing walk the path of good and is on that same path himself, Dazai talks to her. He tells her about how she hasn’t gone through her entrance exam yet, how she isn’t an official member because she hasn’t proven her will or life on the line to help people she doesn’t necessarily know. Kyouka doesn’t believe she could’ve passed if that’s what it takes, but Dazai doesn’t agree with the points she’s brought up. So what if she’s killed or considered dangerous? That doesn’t make her less qualified to be a part of the Detective Agency, everyone there is from different backgrounds.

She can’t know everything, not even about herself. Nobody does, but it takes others to see more of yourself. Excelling in one area doesn’t prevent you from nurturing your potential in another. What would that make someone like Atsushi, a person who’s been her guiding figure throughout—but was never seen as anything more than a threat or a beast because of his ability before he joined them? The truth is, our lives aren’t defined by one purpose the moment we’re born, it’s only something you can make for yourself. We’re not the places we’ve been raised in, not the ideas people apply to us, and we’re especially not defined by the traumatic experiences we had no control over.

All of it accumulates the person we are today, and we can’t change that no matter how much we resent parts of our image that don’t hold up to what society deems as right, but it shouldn’t take control over what we want for ourselves. It isn’t fair for the victims who were forced into a life where they had to fend for themselves, the children who had to navigate an adult’s messed up world that didn’t have room for them to grow as kids should. Forced into a box where they stay unaware that they’ve ever left their mother’s womb, break out in fury with eyes that grew up too early—only to become lost and thrown away, or rot in that box without a single person knowing they were a breathing, living human being.

I deem abuse selfish for this very reason. Kouyou is wrong for this very reason. If she finds comfort in her reasoning, then I can’t critique her for her own choices and will have to respect her for choosing to stay in the mafia even when the old boss is dead, every abuse victim is different, but not a single person is born evil or good, in the dark or light. Not a soul has to stay in one place because they started there. It’s going to be a hard journey to truly achieve what you long for, results aren’t immediate and not everyone gets there no matter their effort, but still try. Try because it’s still worth trying, because you’re still worth more than you think.

In parallel, you can only get there as long as you’re seeking it. Too many see the Armed Detective Agency as something that will automatically save characters just by working there, but the only way it can help them is if they seek out their help themselves. The ADA is not the right place for every character, but Kyouka does want a place there. After her conversation with Dazai, she knows what she wants to do now. She will smash the drone she’s in into Moby Dick so nobody will have to die, but sacrifice her own life in the process. She’s chained to this place, but her choices aren’t.

She doesn’t have to die with regret, with this she can pass the entrance exam and become an agency member like she wanted. She made a difference for herself just by this act. It’d be a pretty melancholy arc if it ended like that, thank god we know it doesn’t end like this. When you become a full agency member, you gain more control over your ability, meaning—

She’s fine.

The exposition is over, let’s talk about Kyouka. Her arc is beautiful and the neglect to talk about her when it comes to her abuse story besides saying, “She’s the one who stopped the abuse cycle” and then nothing else is heartbreakingly superficial. She didn’t stop it, it’s impossible to, but she did break out of it. Kyouka’s section has more exposition than the others but I expected that. I wanted to save her for last because she’s the only one whose arc has come to a peaceful conclusion and not unfinished, and the lighter message felt nice to leave off on.

I shouldn’t berate Kouyou too much, the only reason she stayed in that room after being captured by the ADA is because she did want Kyouka to experience what she never had, and speaking with Dazai helped reassure her that Kyouka would be able to achieve her dreams. It’s no longer the age of the old boss. As well as her shedding the truth about her parent’s death so she wouldn’t have to resent her ability as not an avatar of massacre, but a product of her parents’ love that will always stay with her. She didn’t let go of the phone she’s had this entire time because her mother told her not to let it go.

Me going over Kouyou in this fashion is not me saying you shouldn’t love her character, I like her too. It’s just that it’s passed over so fast what she did, but somehow Akutagawa is more at fault here is mind-boggling. I’d get it a little more if this is because she redeemed herself by wanting the best for Kyouka over what was best for the mafia, but I doubt that’s the case when that moment is talked about so little as well.

I genuinely need you all to understand that not every character is going to have a satisfying, clean conclusion like this. Akutagawa’s story is most likely not going to have a conclusion that satisfies everyone and you should respect it when it comes. There’s no perfect way of writing abuse, but there’s no correct way of doing it either. I don’t think Dazai is going to have the repercussions you want him to have any time soon. If you got the message from Beast, getting revenge on an abuser doesn’t make us feel better or let us process what happened to us. Total resentment keeps us stuck.

The only thing that will heal us is the kindness so many offer in this series. You in no way need to extend that kindness to an abuser, you don’t need to forgive them or let them into your life again, but be kind to yourself and don’t let resentment prevent you from focusing on yourself. Forgiveness and reconnection are not the same thing. Don’t be angry when a victim does want those things. Unless it’s character inconsistent, that’s not something we shouldn’t have any opinion on as the right or wrong way to go about their lives. What if later they do change their mind and want something different from what they originally planned? That’s fine too. Everyone is different. Don’t give unsolicited advice to people who do not want it, let them decide for themselves. It is the best thing you can do.

The worst abusers are the ones who refuse to change and see wrong in what they’re doing, but what about the ones who do want that? Then also let them heal. They did something awful, why isn’t it a good thing they want to stop it now? You don’t have to let them in just because they changed though. Apologies don’t fix the damage already done, but to some victims, it feels nice to feel that what’s been done to them is acknowledged. You don’t want them to hurt others the way they’ve done to you, and neither do they. It hurts to let them forgive themselves when you haven’t and never will, you want to see them suffer, but that’s the only way things can change.

Dazai has changed, is he a good person even after what he’s done? I despise this question for any character of this series. He’s grown so much, and if you don’t think so, reread his conversation with Kyouka I beg of you. It is a far cry from his mindset in the mafia. A better person for sure, but a good person is hard to define for anyone in this series. The mafia is still the mafia, do any of them qualify as good people? The government, even if it’s the position of the right in society, is still an unjust system.

What a good person is cannot be an objective answer, people think there is but it’s not. A good person is how much we know about them and where our position in life affects our viewpoint. Prejudice values don’t make you correct in what you think a good person is, being convicted of a crime, one you might not even have committed, doesn’t automatically make you a bad person, being associated with a group doesn’t mean anything about who you are, etc. It’s all subjective in the end.

Meaning someone like Odasaku is essential in a story like this. He still has a presence in this narrative, even if he died in a light novel, because his existence pushes the boundaries of a “good person” in the fact his contradictory existence establishes itself. He failed in walking the path he wanted, but he doesn’t regret it even in his dying moments trying to.

Afterthoughts

The themes of morality and humanity go hand in hand with the abuse present in Bungou Stray Dogs, so it was hard avoiding talking about this when it was necessary. I don’t think it’s right of us to judge a character’s path that isn’t finished, in a story that’s nowhere near done. Ultimately, I’m only talking in a place of experience but never will it make me exempt from any personal bias. I tried to be as objective and nuanced as I could about this, and I hope it shows.

Abuse isn’t one of those things that I can analyze from any logical stand point or take resources to back my statements up about abuse. Of course everything I say can be backed up, but abuse is a personal, human matter and we’re just human being trying to figure out more than we can handle. I just couldn’t be comfortable with how people are now choosing to talk about Asagiri and needed to shed some light in what you’re missing.

Now I could’ve gone over Higuchi or Lucy because their stories also involve abuse, but I don’t think I could say anything new about them without repeating points I’ve already said. We know very little about Higuchi and what made her so devoted to Akutagawa, and Lucy is pretty quick to summarize considering her story is just like Atsushi’s. Q is also a character to be brought up but I don’t have enough information on them to say much about any abuse itself that happened.

Yosano was also an option but I don’t think anyone had any trouble understanding her backstory. Well I was only really aiming to speak about what’s not been spoken enough. Thank you for reading haha, god this thing is monstrous. Already got to 14k words by the time I was officially done…. I didn’t know if I wanted to lean into character analysis or just exposition, I hope it’s a good enough mix of both. This took way longer than the 4 days I was planning to write this in.

I was later reminded that I could do a post on how their abilities functioned and reflect on their abuse/traumatic events, but I didn’t think I’d have enough room for that here. It could be a bonus post eventually? I don’t think I did Kyouka enough justice in that aspect, but i’d just be beating myself up again about not making this perfect.

I hope I don’t come off scary or a very serious person? I’m very open to requests or discussions people want to engage in. Oh jeez, I’ll just embarrass myself if I keep talking. Writing this was a bit much, never really liked writing stuff myself. Sorry if glossed over anything, I wanted to stay on topic and not detail into something unnecessary.

The message BSD has is a pretty normal one, but there’s something very special about how it’s written here and I’m happy it exists. Maybe I shouldn’t have made this so long? But there’s so much to express sigh……

[imasimpcentral]

okay fuck it here's how I think The Office characters would react to I Saw the TV Glow

(My source: I am trans and deeply hyperfixated on the office, I Saw the TV Glow fills me with intense dread)

This is not me saying all the characters or trans or whatever and this likely won't be close to canon but idc, if you do please leave thanks!

Michael Scott:

I think he'd be very confused he'd say it's an okay movie but it made his skin crawl it was unnerving and he didn’t know how to describe the way it made him feel. Eventually the trans meaning is explained to him and he's just like "oh okay" and then he has to sit down awhile.

Jim Halpert:

If I live in my hc world where I hc transmasc Jim I definitely think it would effect him, he'd take a sick day and spend some extra time with his kids, hoping they never feel they have to suppress themselves like he did for so long. (In my hc he doesn't transition until his 20s)

Kevin Malone:

Kevin would watch it with Oscar because he didn't want to watch it alone and it confuses him. When they leave the cinema he asks Oscar what everything meant and Oscar being who he is obviously knew what the movie was about told Kevin and I think he had to rewatch the movie and when he did it like hit woah... that's me. (He/She bigender transfem Kevin I love you)

Ryan Howard:

He would not admit it but it deeply hurt him he watched it with Kelly and ended up crying in her arms afterwards.

Pam Beesly:

I think she wouldn't really understand it but seeing peoples reactions to it both in person and online would make her feel happy that it exists. She likes that trans people can be seen she understands it wasn't made for her but appreciates it none the less.

Dwight Schrute:

He understood it, he's definitely a harsh critic though he read a lot of reviews prior to the movie and he acknowledges it's impact for the trans community but didn't find it interesting and compares it to Donnie darko (which is not a bad thing to me okay Dwight is a hater! I like donnie darko)

Andy Bernard:

He didn't get it at first then he read one review for it online and started sobbing he's really happy that trans people feel seen and the empath he is donates $100 to the Trevor project immediately after bc he feels so bad.

Kelly Kapoor:

She didn't get it, she knows it's about trans people just didn't really care. It wouldn't make her emotional she likely wasn't paying much attention though.

Oscar Martinez:

He is a critic first gay second /j I think he would've liked it. Wouldn't have loved it and would've probably had some critiques he wouldn't air out bc he knows it wasn't marketed towards him.

Angela Martin:

Would not feel anything, probably wouldn't even watch the movie bc she heard it was woke. She would judge it very harshly.

Gabe Lewis:

No matter how you hc Gabe he is so incredibly trans to me so there is no doubt this movie is making him ball his eyes out, he tells Jo about it and needing a day off and she's just like "I get it sweet pea take all the time you need" (she also watched it and loved it #ally)

Creed Bratton:

He liked it but didn't understand the meaning At all. He's just here for the weird vibes.

Stanley Hudson:

He didn't understand and can't be bothered to understand it.

Holly Flax:

It hurt her for sure I think being a demigirl took her a lot to accept and this movie would be her breaking point.

Erin Hannon:

I don't think she'd get it at first but then someone would explain the meaning and I think it'd take her awhile to be like... oh that's me. (Genderfluid/pangender Erin I love you) but when she does get it she recommends it to anyone who ever asks her about her gender.

Robert California:

Really think he'd be a film nerd and a movie reviewer he would know what it was about but he didn't care for it.

Toby Flenderson:

He wouldn't watch it because of the reactions he's seen online of sad trans people he doesn't want to experience that pain.

Darryl Philbin:

He'd pretend to get it but he doesn't and is confused the whole time.

Meredith Palmer:

She wouldn't really get it but she'd fuck with the donnie darko vibes

Phyllis Lapin Vance:

It would scare her

Karen Filippelli:

She wouldn't get it but would appreciate it's existence. She read more about the film and be like "Yeah not for me but cool"

Roy Anderson:

Would not understand it, would not like it.

Pete Miller:

Would explain what it was about to Erin bc I think he would understand it. Wouldn't particularly care for it too much but bc it was a big part of Erin's gender discovery he's happy it exists.

Clark Green:

He'd get it and he'd be a nerd about it

David Wallace:

He'd cry and wouldn't understand why.

Nellie Bertram:

She is confused as hell but will comfort anyone who is upset after watching it

[voonroo]

Twisted Wonderland Mafia AU Introduction

⌐‣TWST MAFIA AU

Want more? Check out the masterlist↩︎

AUTHOR’S NOTE: This could 100% be expanded on if I actually ever get back into TWST. I'm working on clearing out some old works deep in the depths of my Google Docs and Notes app because I feel kinda bad for disappearing suddenly😋 This is actually from late 2022... Thanks to @justcallmecj for encouraging me to post this again.

The Night Raven District is a district full of criminal groups who will do anything to keep their city to themselves.

There’s the RSA District, which has, for years, been trying to reclaim property from the Night Raven District. No one knows what RSA stands for. However, it is thought to stand for the phrase Recover, Seize, Adjust, as it is the group's job to salvage stolen districts and cities from the unruly.

The Mafia Groups

Heartslabyul

A group of gamblers whose intent is to teach others self-restraint. Most often you will find anyone apart of Heartslabyul at night, or in a casino. There is always a member of Heartslabyul in the city's most popular places for a quick gamble.

A considerably notable pattern to identify one of these members is if they have the symbol of a heart, spade, diamond, or clover painted under or on the eye. The explanation for why it’s so easy to find them is that they don't hide, they aren’t doing anything illegal so they see no need to. Or at least the majority of them. It is effortless to become a part of this clique if you can withstand the harsh rules that come with it.

Savanaclaw

This pack is full of fighters. Svanaclaw does the most around the city pertaining to almost anything physical. Is someone getting a little too close to the district? They’re the first to do something about it. Most will jump at any opportunity to turn something into a challenge.

Numerous people in the group have fought for something or someone. Most likely being unsuccessful, but don’t speak of it. Or else you might be on the news the next morning, for these people aren’t known for their steady temper. To be a part of this club, you have to be physically strong and have vigorous will.

Octavinelle

Largely Octavinelle members are by the coast dealing with outsiders who don’t know any better. Those that aren’t? They oversee a lot of legal issues. Such as digging up dirt on others and using it for their own advantage. They're good with their words, many of which can get just about anyone under their thumb.

The captain of Octavinelle owns a pub near the docks. Though, he is pretty well known to be your typical everyday businessman. These people aren’t always the strongest, nonetheless, don’t get too comfortable. You never know when they’ll make you walk the plank and feed you to the sharks.

Scarabia

This party is one of the lesser-known groups. They are often found in the city shops during the day. You wouldn’t be any the wiser. Because the group is the smallest compared to the others, it’s hard to identify hardly anybody that’s part of the Scarabian folk. They’re onlookers.

It’s said they “help” the other mobs with some inside information. No one knows where they get said information, it is said that there is a particular person that can with just a few words. The leader of the Scarabia team is very in-depth with the local trades, they're able to get anything for a good price.

Pomefiore

Another community that isn’t well known. It’s difficult to get into the prestigious group of Pomefiore. You must be hand-picked by the crown of this cluster. This group is the most out and about in public. You secretly see the members every day.

Evidently, they are remarkably nice to look at and often speak with higher-ups. The director of this group is never seen without other group members especially if they’re ones that he himself, needs to whip into shape. They’re also good at covering their tracks and hunting others down.

Ignihyde

Ignihyde is the least-known group out of the big seven. These people work behind the scenes, in the backgrounds. Either covering up news stories or scrolling the dark web for more stockpiles. It is said that the supervisor of Ignihyde was the cause of a nasty computer virus, putting thousands of electronics out of service.

There is still no known fix to this virus. Or maybe there is, you just have to pay a hefty price. Only those of the best technicians or engineers are even considered to be given a role in this organization.

Diasomania

The most powerful body of the Night Raven District. You’d have to really fuck up to catch even a glimpse of someone from this group.

The boss of this body is fairly notorious. This troop has the strongest defense against just roughly anyone. If there’s ever a fight with Diasomnia in it, they will come out on top. For years this group has kept RSA at bay. No recent members have entered Diasomnia for years, the only way to get in is to have caught the eyes of a certain individual.

Word Count: 803

[badgalsasuke]

https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1E5ysU3b63/

So here is a post where Team 7 was compared with Team Minato from a Facebook blog shipping NS. (You can turn on the translate)

Up until the writer gave comparisons between skr and Kakashi, it feels like they try to include skr here out of pity, especially Sasuke's multiple "It's none of your concern"(s) because 'it's not your fault no matter how worse everything could be'???????

Hi anon!

Okay this is what I got in the translation, let's see it

Sakura/Kakashi -The way they solve problems is very similar, especially the problem of Sasuke. -Both of them almost abandoned Rin/Sasuke because of their own pain and responsibility. -Both of them tormented themselves too much to the point of being haunted by their own mistakes in the past and thought they deserved it. Like Kakashi always blamed himself for Obito and Rin's death even though Kakashi had no fault in it. Obito was crushed by a rock because he wanted to save Kakashi, Rin jumped into Chidori because she was controlled (or according to Kakashi, Rin volunteered to sacrifice). If you pay attention, you will see that Sakura often takes the blame, especially in the gennin era, even when no one asked and it wasn't her fault, Sakura still took it all, it's a fucking habit, I'm like "girl, are you okay?" Why are you so negative towards yourself =((((( Sasuke always has to say "it's none of your business" so that Sakura understands that no matter how bad things are, it's not Sakura's fault.

The way they solve problems is very similar in the sense they project onto other people or something...? I can see that both Kakashi and Sakura are very distant from Sasuke and don't understand him despite trying to do so. But I don't see the parallel between Kakashi-Rin and Sakura-Sasuke, for once Rin liked Kakashi, and I'm not just talking about having a crush on him, they were friends and good teammates and that's not something you see with Sasuke and Sakura except for very few instances in which Sasuke chooses to be polite or nice to her. But relationships are entirely different dynamics to say "oh yeah, Sakura is the Kakashi here". I've also the guilt both characters feel is not similar at all either? Sakura has never been in a situation in which she has had to sacrifice or lose anything or anyone in the way Kakashi or Naruto have, so this whole "she thinks is her fault" seems more like OP is trying to project onto her to give her whining and crying more depth.

Finally, Sasuke is not telling Sakura "it's none of your business" to make Sakura feel better about anything, he's putting distance between them, he doesn't consider her close enough to confide in her any of his struggles so he's simply being rude to her, saying the opposite feels like another usual reach of people who pity Sakura so they try to spin scenes in the manga to make them positive and she can look better.

It definitely feels like she was included out of pity but it's also a surface level parallel that people usually do with team 7 and team Minato.

[sugashook]

ANALYSING GAMBIT's SYMBOLISM IN D&W : Logan's feelings and his love, and how they relate to wade's feelings of love:

Logan and Wade's feelings in Deadpool 3 are represented with the characters of Gambit and Althea. Let's analyze the two characters of Gambit and Althea quickly first.

Althea represents wade's love and feelings. which are blind . his feelings can't see other people, their hearts, traumas,feelings,their 'fangs'. they can only hear and touch them, etc. she's also fragile,kinda unhealthy and defenseless.

Gambit represents the feelings inside of Logan. They're pretty powerful, full of magic and tricks, never got the chance to show themselves properly. Explosive, at first unassuming. very pretty! a smidge younger also, which would make them more innocent.

Logan's feelings never left his headspace, he never allowed people into his life, his defenses were extremely high, so his feelings of love are very innocent inside of himself, actually.

its just a lot to get through to them, damn!!

WHILE on the opposite wade's feelings are double his own age, it's like his feelings are soooo worn out...they lived two lives more than wade.

emotionally he's a wiseish, matureish person, I think when he's at peace he's actually wise and mature though, compared to logan's innocent feelings. he knows more, he knows how to treat people, he also knows that he'll probably get hurt if he lets logan into his life. he's a bad boy....he's troubled....he's stronger and bigger than him

like his presence, his importance, his bluntness, i think he's not the nice sweet stripper vanessa, he's a big deal and i don't think wade is too ready to be a big deal, or wants to be anymore, to be deadpool, he just wants to hide. and with logan as your lap cat it's pretty hard to hide! but you gotta nurture him and take care of him cause you love him damn!!!

he's like a really angry important nuclear cosmic bomb of importance in your apartment.

wade's been through it in every way okay, and he WILL do it again. very easily. very easily.....

wade has been through IT. logan has been kinda through less emotional hardships than he could be at his age, even in comparison to wade or other logan's.. they're just different types of people that way.

one is out of his mind, one inside his mind. both can manage some things better. of course love master wade will help logan out.

Logan's feelings, Gambit, were also born where he met Wade. And his feelings never saved anyone before because he was born in a bad, tough place... but that will change!

Wade meets Logan's feelings:

Wade meets logan's feelings in the form of Gambit, and basically says, your feelings are useless like they won't help at all. Feelings don't matter, ever! Especially wade's, that's why he's projecting onto logan.

he's also projecting his less than premium feelings(althea) to logan's feelings who are quite young and healthy, and powerful (gambit). logan is just fine, and useful actually.

it doesn't matter how much wade loves something, it will usually leave him. or something bad will happen, because of his sick mind. his mind will win over his own frail feelings.

wade can love someone as much as he wants but as long as he's selfish, distant, self sabotaging, anxious,insecure,etc.etc. his feelings will never matter. they're not strong enough to help, he has to help them and they have to help him.

while outside forces are destroying the peace in his mind. wade can't handle life anymore. his feelings are literally old, near the end. his heart, his unvierse, it's falling apart.

he will continue hurting because of his feelings, while he sabotages himself, and while the world moves on from him and leaves him behind.

that's why he's always being rude to althea basically. he's scolding himself constantly on how his feelings are and how they act, etc.

Gambit doesn't even have anything special or high quality about them to wade (close up magic joke), so wade probably sees Logan's feelings as pretty dull and bleh, probably because logan is so closed off and stoic, and aggressive... he's unsurprising and uninteresting to wade emotionally.

and mean, and wade doesn't see anything past the surface most of the time. And if you don't treat him well, even though he's a jerk to you, he won't like you.

But logan's feelings have explosive tricks up his sleeve for wade.

So the first thing Wade does to speak to logan's feelings is lie, complimenting them on how beautiful and gorgeous they are, but wade's feelings can't see other peoples feelings. and the first time gambit walks in, he doesn't even talk. so there's nothing to compliment, since he didn't hear him talk.

wade also can't understand gambit, which translates to him not understanding logan's feelings , he constantly needs clarification. and he's very confused.

while his feelings (gambit) yes they attack wade for what he's done but they also quickly calm down, they attack logan for drinking as well. so logan is angry at himself for drinking and not dealing with his pain, but he can't stop himself ALONE.

wade can only HEAR peoples feelings straight forward when they tell him. he can't read vibes and body language, etc. can't see things for what they are.

and logan's just been threatening and yelling at him, at best responding with silence. wade can't process subtle emotions in others, he can barely handle them when they're straight forward. So he sees logan as an aggressive jerk who won't help him, who won't save him. but he needs people to constantly save him and make him feel good.

he doesn't quite understand peoples complexities, or gives a damn to figure them out mmuchhh...

so wade is straight up lying when he says gambit is gorgeous and beautiful. and it's working very easily on gambit he's smitten, but quickly realizes wade is kind of a sociopath jerk. so logan sympathizes , then wade stars wadeing and logan gets mad.

(but the second compliment could be true, since if he understood a little of what gambit was saying he could be complimenting him genuinely, while being frustrated at the same time at them)

then wade starts trying to connect to logan's insides by sharing how he feels in clear words, like how he himself likes being told about other peoples feelings.

and logan's feelings respond very well to straight forward emotions. he immediately gets smitten again ' it's like you're speaking to my soul'

so logan empathizes with wade a lot, immediately after wade's screw up, even though his heart and FANGS, elektra and blade, won't admit it and act tough, his feelings give him away.

wade hearing logan's feelings:

the first time wade really HEARS logan TRULY understanding him and connecting with him was when logan finally speaks up on how he feels and repeats what wade told him and says

"i understand that you didn't mean anything bad by dragging me here and you truly thought my world can be saved too. to your deadpool core i can see that i've been to your core. " it could be that he's just endearing and dumb to logan probably like thats logans pet deadpool he gave up fighting it.

thats the first time wade HEARD/saw logan's feelings. like could have logan just said that...for it to be a nice farwell to a new friend, maybe. but i think he saw those deadpools and he was like they're so simple and...hopeless they can't do anything ill save the planet i guess.

but it could also be, and what i think it is, like once you dig enough to find the well of logan's love you will be rewarded by innocent, pure, strong, magical love. logan could be very innocent in this regard and love very very easily.

his feelings are hard to understand and tricky,

but obviously...wade is a master of love he's been through it all he will trick you in the end and hit you over the head with a fire extinguisher. he hits you over the head with his love its not like.....tricky or hard to understand or hard to find. he's just like i love you dude ill say it straight up to you how i feel. there's nothing to hide behind.

BUT that's only because before that althea(wade's feelings) opened a window to his insides, cussing at the ruckus, wishing she was deaf so that she couldn't hear logan. opening the window to wade's body and his house.

one of wade's senses for love is basically gone, he's extremely mentally unwell so he can't see peoples love, that's gone. but everything else is working well in order.

but anyway, she kept it open so that she could hear more clearly. he opened himself up to hear logan fully and got rewarded for it!

and then he's like, i love this guy ,he simply gets me. because after they save the world, logan doesn't go back to being quiet as before, he processed his feelings and now he is comfortable with wade, he doesn't leave it at 'i understand you'.

he says 'they would be lucky to have you' like not only do i see how you meant well you did really well the like most successful group of heroes on the planet would be lucky to have you. which is the highest compliment. and well kids this is a hint that we'll be able to use later.

ERM LOGAN WILL BE LUCKY TO HAVE HIM~

::: then wade invites logan into himself and logan meets wade's love for the first time(althea). and she goes from angry, distressed, hysteric, BLIND!!! to immediately being calm and happy to meet logan ^v^ ! that's how wade feels!

and wade calls her by a more polite name 'althea' ~

and he moves in with wade..... and logan he keeps trying to run away but wade wwwwwwont let that happen~ because...hes annoying..the end

also gambit aka logan's feelings are free tooo do what ever they want now they're not TRAPPED in a void where they were born in anymore wade got them out together with the rest of logan. out of logans headspace into the free world.

[thelunarfairy]

Hi, i love your theories on jshk. Here's one I was wondering that when that red house 'thing' asked for tsukasa's sacrifice in order to heal amane , Maybe the sacrifice was more than for him to just disappear physically. I think maybe the sacrifice was tsukasa's mind , his kind heart, selflessness, caring nature . When that thing became a part of tsukasa like a parasite it consumed or fed on all of it. Maybe that's one of the reasons why we see the present tsukasa being emotionally detached or being heartless at times. Any thoughts?

🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡 Thank's

Wow, that's a pretty interesting and tragic take on the situation. I'll confess that I've always wondered what that thing consumes, it keeps its victims alive for long, long periods.

I don't know how to tell you exactly how alive, but there is no rest, they get stuck somewhere. Tsukasa came back, so the body is still there, and as Nene said, it was warm and had a pulse.

So, if it doesn't consume the body, it consumes the mind, as we saw happen to the other Kannagis.

Despite this, I can still see Tsukasa's sentimental side. He's sad, he misses, he still loves, maybe not to the same extent as before, but it's still there.

Seeing him melancholy when he calls Amane selfish, seeing him sad when telling Nene that Amane won't come to save him, even if he calls, seeing his happiness when he meets his older brother again, these are his feelings reflecting through the actions.

The expression he made when agreeing that he knows Amane hates him, is the same look he showed as a child. Tsukasa is still there, he is.

He always has been.

He sings to calm down, to remember some good moment in the past, a song that brings him good and comforting memories.

A person without any feelings is totally cruel and vile, there are no feelings about absolutely anything. He could have just hit Nene on the head and make her pass out so she would stay quiet, but he didn't.

He could just get revenge on Amane, but, he loves him, so he never will.

Tsukasa shares his body with that creature, the cruel side is linked to him, his eyes turn black when he is about to do something bad. Those aren't Tsukasa's eyes, they're that thing's eyes.

Tsukasa's eyes shine, they are golden like gold, we could compare them with the little hope that there is still for his salvation.

Amane didn't give up on him, because for many years he believed that Tsukasa still existed there, he still had his brother in that body. And he's right.

Tsukasa is a little boy who had to deal with everything alone, who had to learn to deal with his own feelings, his own sadness. That he had to give up everything for someone he loves very much. And he came back, even though he knew that the person he loved most would one day kill him.

He came back because he wanted to know why.

And he suffered in the process. After his death, the suffering dragged on for years as he tirelessly called for him, alone, again.

So, he decided it was time to put an end to it all. And he was waiting for this moment so much, that we can see the relief on his face. Finally it would all be over.

That thing took away his innocence, and even though it consumed and influenced him

There are still feelings, there is still a love that no one can rip from Tsukasa's chest.

Not even Amane himself could.

Love is the only thing that keeps Tsukasa moving forward, he is there to fulfill Amane's wish.

Someone without feelings is never there for anyone but themselves.

Tsukasa suffers from the beginning for loving too much.

[rubra-wav]

SFW Vox x Reader head anon request where the reader was his nibling on Earth but he died when they were very little. They ended up very lost and numb due to the death and found the only time they felt anything was in a fight so they became a bouncer, which is actually what led to them dying at 28. Reader doesn't realize who Voc is until they hear him speak.

Vox x Former relative reader headcanons

A/N This is a very hyperspecific request, so I hope you understand I've made it a little more general. 🙏

General plotline and idea is kept tho - bit vaguer, however.

Reader was his favourite relative btw, if this man saw just some random family member come up to him I think he'd just swat them away faster than light ngl.

Cw: Sfw, platonic obv 💀, gn reader

- When you showed up before Vox, he didn't recognise you at all either. He'd died when you were young, and when demons die they don't exactly come back looking 'normal'.

- So when you show up before him after seeking him to speak for several weeks - sending letters to meet him in person like your life depended upon it, claiming you had something very important to discuss with him, he doesn't recognise the sinner who clearly died while enthralled in extreme violence before him.

- When the people who escort you into the room leave, leaving you two alone at his request, Vox's first instinct is to interrogate you.

- He immediately assumed you had some sort of blackmail on him and were trying to play games to extort money from him or something.

- But, when you're lunging forward at him to wrap your arms around him while calling him an extremely specific nickname he hadn't heard in decades, he's at a complete loss in disbelief.

- When his initial shock wears off and he realises who you were to him, he doesn't know how to react properly and sends you away, saying he needed a bit to think and he'll contact you again.

- The conflict between his past self that he was when he knew you, as compared to the self he is now, has him absolutely reeling.

- It wasn't exactly foreign for him to come across people who knew him from his shows when alive, but not somebody who had actually known him as a family member - much less one who still thought highly of him after everything he'd done to end up there.

- When he finally calms the hell down, he tells you not to tell anybody you two are related for your own safety (and his own image), and that he will help provide whatever you need.

- He'd be distant as all hell from you, but would still want you to be safe. Both of these are due to him having a particular soft spot for you even now.

- Would probably consciously make an effort to try be an asshole to make you not want to see him- then feel kinda bad when you still want to see him and obviously still very much love him. 💀

- Even if you want to spend time around him really bad, he'd probably not give in most times.

- if he does spend time with you though down the line, he's just screaming inside the whole time because he actually gives a fuck in the same way he did back in his life and that's terrifying to him after living in hell. You don't get to his standing with caring about many people.

- Would be super paranoid during the whole thing as well about someone somehow finding out (especially the Vees because he'd never hear the end of it and if Val ever tried to flirt with you he'd probably go apeshit despite his on and off thing with him. )

- If anyone ever saw you were a soft spot to him, that would instantly make you a target. And, because it bruises his ego to know he still gives this much of a fuck about a relative who he hadn't seen in decades.

Writing this made me realise just how funny Vox would be as one of those bitter adoptive father figures who didnt sign up for this shit but just very begrudgingly love their 'child' and fucking hate themselves over it. 💀

[dreamcatcher-roulette]

Can I just. Hm. This is neither a positive or a negative observation. It's a personal one if anything.

I feel like I just watched a Special Clip. And it was a good special clip, don’t get me wrong. It almost wasn’t, it started very alarmingly heavy on the R&B and that is at the absolute bottom of my musical tierlist, but the chorus definitely clicked for me on second listen and it reminds me a little of Yves Viola (which I loved). It’s just... From anyone else it's not something I really would have paid that much attention to as a promoted release. A significant chunk of what makes this noteworthy to me has nothing to do with the aesthetic or the musical direction and EVERYTHING to do with the three people who star in it. Which is just... Weird. To me.

Watching the highlight medley now that it no longer contains spoilers I feel like the music isn't even really there. It's the background to the friends sitting in a bar catching up over drinks. Which is absolutely the vibe they were going for choosing that setting, but I can't imagine the intended result was to ignore the medley quite so thoroughly. There's nothing overly wrong with any of the releases! Sacrifice is kind of Jazz Bar-y and I like Jazz Bar. But that's also it. Jazz Bar was never the first song I noticed. It's gotten the playtime it has by being on an album or in a concert setlist stuck between the hard hitters and has slowly but surely wormed its way into my heart over repeated listenings. What is a whole album of songs I would not normally seek out? Isn't that just an album I am not interested in? Except I am.

When I had my 1:1 snapshot with Yooh in Sydney I told her I would always support her no matter what. A conviction that had never really been tested when I uttered it but today still feels no less true. It is easy to list reasons why Dreamcatcher are my ults. You could rip large chunks out of that list without coming close to threatening the lead it has over the competition. But when you get down to it, at this point, it's become pretty self perpetuating. Where once I saw a collection of unique qualities that made me want to dive deeper, now, even if you remove the kindling, the fire doesn't go out. I care because I care.

Your friend drags you to a concert for music you don't listen to but she's having such a fantastically good time. Do you tell her she's got bad taste? Of course you don't. You start nodding along. Because her joy is just as all consuming.

And there's nothing wrong with any of this. But somehow it still feels weird. Like a betrayal that isn't a betrayal. They haven't gone back on something, they haven't changed anything, it's very clear from the branding and marketing approach for UAU that they are trying to establish themselves as a separate entity to the group and do their own thing, which (coupled with MC Dami and Siyeon 🥺) just makes me feel even more relieved that the group I love isn't just suffering a drawn out death spiral no one will even let you mourn because they won't admit that that's what's happening, but taking every one of these things into account I feel like I'm having a really disproportionate reaction to this damn album.

The oscillation on levels of attachment is CRAZY. DC title tracks all just intrinsically feel like them. There is a spectacle to them, a grandness that matches how much love I have in my heart for this group. A Special Clip by its very nature does not. But it also doesn't expect that of the viewer. The comparatively casual nature of them and the lack of personal "ownership" of the covers accurately serves the purpose of those clips — they are a showcase of the talents of the performers who star in them but they are not EVENTS. A debut should be. I wanted to be bowled over. I wanted to be awed. I wasn't. I was anyway. Kim Yoohyeon sledgehammer to the head.

You see? There isn't anything WRONG. Because all of those words to tell you I'm not even upset. I'm certain there's a lot of posts right now from people who just didn't like the album and are not having a good time but that's not what I am trying to tell you, because that's not how I feel. I don't particularly like the album. It made me very happy all the same. And if you haven't entirely lost track of what I'm talking about yet could you please enlighten me because I sure did 😭😭

[angelinthefire]

I’m curious whether you have any thoughts about arcane s2 being compared by some to any generic mcu movie

The first thing I would say is that "everyone comes together for a big battle at the end" is not an MCU thing, it's a really common ending for adventure/fantasy stories in general. The problem with the MCU is that everything they do is formulaic and boring now, and they made the big climactic battle formulaic and boring, because everything leading up to it is, so the audience doesn't feel anything about it. I would also say that when the first Avengers movie came out, the climactic battle was really fun and rewarding, because the setup was still fresh. The problem with the MCU is that you feel like you know what's going to happen, everything is paint-by-numbers, and there's no stakes that anyone cares about as a result.

I could also go on a tangent about how I think the total saturation of Marvel/Disney/Star Wars has really skewed people's perception of what a good story is supposed to look like. Like people complain about how generic Marvel is, but the formula has seeped into everything. And I think some of the complaints about Arcane s2 reflect that as well. Like some of the complaints about Vi's arc, I think come from a place of expecting her story to fit the standard hero template.

And I do think the complaint that the battle was MCU-ish is actually, ironically, a sign of how Marvel-poisoned people's ideas about storytelling are. Just because Marvel does a really common adventure/fantasy thing does not make it a Marvel thing. Like, find another reference point, I beg.

It's a really shallow criticism, because it just makes a superficial comparison with Marvel, and expects you to follow the logic of "if Marvel does this and it's bad, then Arcane doing it means Arcane is bad." Which does not follow *at all*.

I also feel like it's talking around the real criticism that people have, which is that Arcane ends with a battle against Noxus, rather than with a battle between Piltover and Zaun. Which I talk about in this post. I honestly think that in some cases the MCU comparison is a way of getting out of having to articulate an actual critique.

But anyways, the reason why the big final battle is so common is that it's an efficient and exciting way of bringing together all of the characters, and hitting the climax of their individual arcs at the same time. I think Arcane does this very well. It also does a good job of keeping the fight personal for the main characters. It has the scale of a major battle, while at the same time in the second half it's able to scale down to specific, and personal match-ups.

On a broad scale, it starts with Piltover failing, and Zaun coming to the rescue. I don't want to get into the political implications of that in this post, that's a whole other topic. I think you need to look at it thematically rather than politically. It's about duality, the two sides being at odds but also needing each other in order to exist.

Also, looking at Sevika in particular, we saw earlier in the season that she was trying to organize Zaunites, and in the battle she appears at the head of an independent faction.

Going back to the theme of duality, when Zaunites join up with Piltover's forces, when they kind of sublimate themselves to the order of Piltover, that's when they lose. It's when the Zaunites fight as Zaunites, with their own methods, and the two cities are both fighting, that things start to turn around. The coin cannot exist as only one side, it needs both.

Then the undead army shows up, and it creates the conditions for the more focused match-ups.

The Mel&Caitlyn vs. Ambessa fight is so deeply personal, and honestly I don't know how their arcs could have culminated in any other way. It is Caitlyn symbolically confronting her own actions, and repudiating her past self. And Mel. Melllllll. I might have to write another post about Mel, because what's going on with her is complex. In a way she's becoming fully herself, but at the same time she's becoming what her mother wanted, and it's devestating and great.

I wrote a big long post about Ekko's role in the battle here.

Of course, Vi and Jinx come together again. Jinx as a fully realized version of herself. Again there's the theme of duality, "I'm always with you, even when we're worlds apart." They're confronting their past together, in the form of marionette!Warwick. Which Vi is ultimately unable to move on from. But Jinx is finally able to save her sister's life.

I think one of the biggest strikes against the final battle being MCU-ish is that Viktor and Jayce don't even fight. They literally just talk to each other. There's no flashy sequences showing off their abilites, there's no subtext-laden exchange of blows. They just talk to each other, and Jayce saves the day with the power of love. That would not have happened in an MCU movie.

Anyways, this is getting rambly. Thanks for the question!

[brucewaynehater101]

Since so many of y'all asked [nobody did. I just think I'm funny], here's songs for your playlist when writing toxic relationships:

[Also, the songs are from multiple genres.

TW for toxic relationships, abuse, etc.]

"My Way of Life" by Frank Sinatra

For when a character is so obsessed by another character that they can not live or function without that person.

"I Love You Like An Alcoholic" by The Taxpayers

Two singers chatting about how in love they are, how they want "one last kiss," how they need each other like one needs an injury, and how the love each other in the broken, toxic way of alcoholics. It's mutual acknowledgement of how fucked up they are but still wanting to be together

"Hell and You" by Amigo the Devil

A character would go anywhere with the other person, even hell. All that person needs to do is ask. Basically, it gives vibes of two people dancing and staring into each others' eyes as the world burns around them. That's part of the excitement, though.

"Tongues and Teeth" by The Crane Wives

The character is cruel and wicked, but it's all they have. It's all they can offer. If the other person wants to be in a relationship with someone who will hurt them, then okay. They can. The character warns them not to, but they're not going to stop them either. It's not going to end well, but the character let's the other person dictate what their relationship will be. Not once does the character apologize for being the way they are, just warns the other against it.

"No Children" by The Mountain Goats

The singer continues to hope for bad scenarios, such as getting injured, lying, leaving, relationships falling apart, never getting sober, etc. They compare their relationship to drowning, but they're doing it together. It's practically hate

"Chase The Feeling" by The Devil Makes Three

The other person continues their addiction despite it destroying their life. The character seems to have given up on the person and is using humor to cope with the fact that the other person won't get better

"Allies or Enemies" by The Crane Wives

Pretty much the title. Are they on the same side? They have good memories with each other, but they keep fighting as well. This constant uncertainty will kill them.

"Absence" by Rio Romeo

The character wants to know what their lover would do if they disappeared. Would their lover search for them? Disappear with them? Or let them leave without going after them?

"Saint Bernard" by Lincoln

Put on this list for the lyrics "I said make me love myself so that I might love you. Don't make me a liar. Because I swear to God, when I said it, I thought it was true."

"YKWIM?" by Yot Club

The character loves someone who doesn't love or seem to care about them. The character cares too much and they're alone

"loving me is really hard" by NEYSA

The character is cruel and confusing to their loved one. They like watching them cry but still want to be with them

"Nothing's New" by Rio Romeo

The character has been through relationships over and over again and knows the pattern of when they start to fall apart. Their heart is worn, but they love their partner. They want to hold on for however long is left.

"The Bidding" by Tally Hall

The character learned to sell their love/attention to the rich. They make people feel special and loved for a price. As long as they are paid, they will never let the other person down

"I Can't Decide" by Scissor Sisters

Manic laughter and "I can't decide whether you should live or die." Just very toxic deliberating on whether to kill their loved one

"This is Love" by Air Traffic Control

The POV of the abuser in a domestic abuse relationship. They are blaming the other person or anything but themselves, they are preventing the other from seeing anyone else, continually reinforcing that "this is love," and threatening them. It showcases a cycle of abuse and common tactics used

"The Masochism Tango" by Tom Lehrer

Basically, the character yearns to be physically hurt by their loved one.

"Misery Meat" by Sodikken

The character gives every piece of their flesh to their loved one. Through their pain, their loved one can gain so much

"Stalker's Tango" by Autoheart

The character demands the other person to love them

"How I'd Kill" by Cowboy Malfoy

The character is so obsessed by the other person that they would even kill just to see the other person. They talk about how they've never felt anything like that before

"CONTROL BABY" by Jhariah

This is more about toxic relationships with parents. "You're not the son I raised!"