#because i can pretty much guarantee none of you have seen them

[maximumsunshine]

Found this on Facebook. And look. I'm not judging. I fully believe i WAS a cat in my last 8 lives. I have no room to judge. Would Mozart probably have thrived as a furry? Yeah. I'm not judging that either. I don't personally get it, but I don't have to. It's whatever does not effect me in the slightest.

My only issue with this meme is that when I'm scrolling tumblr I'm already braced for these sorts of new facts. Facebook is home of cursed old lady memes i inflict on my friends in the group chat at 1am while they are sleeping, assuring they wake up to my cursed offerings come dawn. This is not a Facebook meme. This is a tumblr meme.

So here. I've collected it and restored it to its native habitat.

[rin-solo]

Let's talk about "Monster" ... and one of Odysseus' criminally underrated traits: his lack of judgment.

I was re-listening to "Monster" the other day and it kind of just hit me... Overall, that song isn't my favorite (it's somewhere in B tier; the lyricism is great, and the part after "So if we must sail through dangerous oceans..." absolutely slaps, it's just not one that I go back to frequently.) But there are some things I genuinely adore about it because I adore the way it progresses Odysseus' character arc as clearly not a "corruption" and how this is conveyed through the way the song is set up and presented.

First of all, I simply have to yap about how Odysseus isn't justifying his foes' actions the way that I have seen some people falsely assume. He's describing what they did or do and essentially saying, "They aren't letting themselves be stopped by guilt from doing what they think they have to do, so why should I?"

Polyphemus doesn't overthink whether it's right or wrong to kill some people because they harmed him or his sheep.

Circe may deep down feel guilt but isn't letting that stop her from turning men into pigs to prevent any more harm from befalling her nymphs at their hands.

Poseidon isn't losing sleep over drowning a fleet because that is what gods do to retain their infamy and status.

Odysseus and the rest of his soldiers didn't use the Trojan horse tactic out of malice or bloodlust, but out of pragmatism. It was the most efficient way to win a war that would have only cost more lives on both sides if they hadn't ended it then and there.

You look at that and you may think, "That's all very fair, but that doesn't mean any of those actions are justified" ... and you'd be right. None of the actions above are actually right or justified.

But the thing about "Monster" that I love so much is that it's specifically NOT something like, "These people I've encountered are all evil and ruthless and they are right and justified in being that way; I'll be the same." It's actually, "These people I've encountered act with ruthlessness; it clearly aids them in achieving their goal, and they seem to have figured out how to not feel guilt over their actions. I want to reap those benefits too. So far, I've been acting with mercy, which seems to have disadvantaged me. If they can do it, I can and should do the same to level the playing field."

Odysseus isn't saying that their actions are right, wrong, or justified. He's simply exploring why these people act the way they do. And he does so entirely without judgment.

I'm not surprised about him not judging Circe; while she was still wrong since she went overboard and struck preemptively against people who were not guaranteed to ever cause harm, she was pretty much redeemed in the end and her point is the easiest out of these to understand.

But the rest? Polyphemus killed his best friend. Poseidon drowned his whole fleet. The Trojan horse? It never comes up anywhere else but since he mentions it here, I think it's safe to assume that Odysseus feels guilty for using a tactic such as this. And still... Odysseus talks about his foes' actions with understanding and an open mind. He acknowledges their points of view—all of them, even if none besides Circe ever acknowledged or understood his.

The only time we genuinely see Odysseus act out of resentment is when he tells Polyphemus his name... After that, he never shows anything of the sort ever again. If he ever held any resentment toward any of his foes, I feel like this is where he lets it go for good.

Hell, even Poseidon, whom he would have by far the most reasons to resent, Odysseus doesn't actually judge or resent. I wrote a whole mini-essay on why the Vengeance saga proves that Odysseus doesn't actually seek or want vengeance on Poseidon. One might argue that he sounded like he was avenging his crew in "Six Hundred Strike" but it's important to remember that he offered Poseidon forgiveness one song earlier. He didn't lead with vengeance or resentment, but he rekindled his anger when Poseidon rejected his mercy.

My point is that Odysseus doesn't judge or resent any of the people who attempt to stand between him and his home... which shows incredible character strength in and of itself. This occurs later, but he acts similarly toward Calypso in "Not Sorry for Loving You" as well.

This is such an underrated trait of his, especially considering it fits perfectly with EPIC's themes, which revolve around seeing every perspective and balancing between ruthlessness and mercy. Honestly, I don't think those themes would even work with a protagonist who isn't so open-minded.

Coming back to "Monster," as we've established, Odysseus doesn't pass judgment on his foes. Similarly, he isn't saying that his decision to embrace ruthlessness and "become" a Monster (read more to find out why I put that in quotation marks) or any of his future actions as this Monster are justified.

I genuinely despise it when people call his arc a "villain arc" or "corruption" because that's pretty much missing the entire point. He isn't actually becoming a monster, corrupting, or genuinely changing his personality—hence why I put those quotation marks earlier. He is deliberately choosing to embrace a certain ruthless way of acting, fully knowing that it is not actually right or justified. "So what if I'm the Monster?" is self-gaslighting. He knows it's not "so what?" But he's doing it anyway because he has seen this way of acting aiding his foes. He literally says, "I must become the Monster / And then we'll make it home." He is convinced that this is what he must become because he keeps being told this by everyone.

From the top, his values or person isn't actually being corrupted. He's not really internally changing. He's merely adapting a way of behaving because he thinks it's the only way he'll still get home, and only because of that. It's really f*cking sad actually. Especially because he is wrong; his not being ruthless is not actually the problem, as we find out later.

Genuinely, his monster act lasted exactly 3,5 songs; in the second half of "Mutiny" it's already all gone because he is so afraid for his crew and what they're about to do to themselves that he instinctively goes back to wanting to save them despite how they just led a mutiny, despite how they don't listen to him regarding the cows.

Odysseus' entire arc can be described as, "He tries out mercy, and it doesn't get him home. He tries out ruthlessness, and it doesn't get him home either. In order to get home, he needs to learn balance, in Hermes' words "Every trick in his domain"." And that is also, as I believe, the main theme of EPIC: Neither ruthlessness nor mercy by itself is the solution. Both have their place; one needs balance. Or: treat people as they ask to be treated.

Only by the time of the Vengeance saga does Odysseus seem to have finally figured this out, and that's where he genuinely starts succeeding.

So no, Odysseus is no longer "The Monster" by the time of the Vengeance saga, no matter how much the visuals in "Six Hundred Strike" try to convince us otherwise. But he isn't "Just a Man" either. Did anyone besides me notice how he stopped calling himself this or justifying his weak moments like that in "Monster" and how he doesn't go back to it even after dropping the monster act?

And here we have the perfect segway into an essay I haven't written yet that might answer the question, "If now he's not a man and not a monster, what is he then?"

Well, technically Odysseus told us himself that one time he acted out of resentment... "Neither man nor mythical." But that's an essay yet to be written... I'll get to it soon, and there we might answer what actually happened in "Six Hundred Strike" and why the line "If you dance with fate I know you'll enhance your state", that I see is mostly overlooked, matters so much more than we probably all think.

Until then, know that I am not actually the first one to address the "Neither man nor mythical" significance. Credit goes to @glisten-inthedark; coming across her post on this matter genuinely enhanced my understanding of what happened so much and I need all of you to read it because it's a truly brilliant conclusion. I'll write my own essay on this topic soon, I promise. But without that post, I would've probably not come to this realization for a long while.

Either way, we end this essay with words that I will never tire of repeating: Stop villainizing Odysseus, y'all. It's not cool, not only because it's undeserved but also because it pretty much shows that you have successfully missed the point and core theme of this musical.

... See you when we inspiration for another essay strikes me. In the meantime, have a brief introduction to what that essay will cover in meme form because I can.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

OMG RAVEN YOU’RE INTO EVER AFTER HIGH? I love it but can’t talk about it bc none of my friends have seen it 😭 I wish it was talked about more, especially with how deep their lore runs. I love EAH’s dynamics with the complexities of destiny. If twst followed the same logic as eah’s world it would be so interesting. How would you feel if the worlds were to mesh together and how it would work? You can interpret that in any way you want; the characters meeting or twst being bound to the same rules and societal expectations of eah, or whatnot.

Also who’s your favorite eah character compared to your favorite twst character (Leona)?Jade, right?

And have you read the eah books? I haven’t, but I’m going to try to sometime!

Eah alt account when?

I'm still salty that the Monster High x Ever After High crossover movie never saw the light of day-- Part of the reason why I don't like Disney (I mean the faceless corpo, not all Disney products) is because they have such a strong association with fairy tales that it pushes other interpretations out of the market or it leads to people assuming Disney "owns" those fairy tales. Ever After High's lore and themes run so much deeper than most other fairy tale reimaginings I've seen (and I've seen a lot). It's such a shame it doesn't get the respect and recognition it deserves even though EAH is the one out here challenging the status quo whereas modern Disney is content with mediocrity that appeals to the masses.

I think EAH and TWST, at their cores, share similar ideas so combining them would work well. Friendship, self-identity, defining your own future, questioning what "good" and "evil" truly are... It's all there. I'd imagine that if Twisted Wonderland (or at least NRC) followed the same rules as EAH, then everyone would be descendants of their Disney counterparts. (This is actually a common misperception of what TWST was to new fans; people mistakenly believe the TWST characters are children of the classic Disney villains. This has never been canon.) Unfortunately, I'd have to take away the Disney villains being twisted to be "good" guys in Twisted Wonderland's world in order for this to work by EAH rules, so... There's that to consider. This, in turn, can result in the student body splitting into Royals (pro-following one's destiny) and Rebels (anti-following one's destiny). Perhaps RSA and NRC could be one school in this AU...? Just so we have a mix of "good" and "evil" descended children in the same vicinity as one another. A must-have are the constantly bickering Narrators!! It's only really when Yuu shows up that the majority opinion starts to shift. Maybe then Crowley becomes concerned with students rising up and fighting back against the system that relies on them being complacent to keep the cycle of stories going. I've seen some readings of EAH which theorize that Royals guaranteed a happy ending is a stand-in for privilege, and that interpretation leads into very interesting conflicts when we also consider that magic in Twisted Wonderland is a privilege afforded to few.

To cover just the dorm leaders (because covering all the TWST characters would make this post way longer), I definitely see Riddle, Kalim, Idia, and Malleus as Royals and Leona, Azul, and Vil as Rebels. Here's my thought process:

Riddle is pretty self-explanatory. He comes from a background where he's used to being told what to do by his mother and so he also heavily relies on her strict, unyielding teachings to play by the book when he goes out there in the real world. Riddle is inflexible and hesitant to go against the grain--and, more importantly, he fully believes that following the rules will lead to his happiness... that doing as his fairy tale ordains will lead to a happy ending. What happens to the Queen of Hearts is dubious in the end since it's framed as Alice's dream, so I think that vagueness gives Riddle hope that by behaving himself, he'll earn the happiness he desires.

Leona is a Rebel, and not just because that's the aesthetic of his dorm. Being that he is highly intelligent and demonstrates a lot of foresight, he'd be aware of what future is in store for him and aggressively fighting against that. It would make him more desperate than ever to prove his worth, because not only does everyone see his powers as terrifying, but they also see him as a future brother murderer and dictator that will bleed the land dry of resources. It'd make the situation with his family even more strained than it already is, not to mention the extra jealousy he must feel toward Cheka, who is still too young to understand what's going to happen later.

Azul is someone who acts like a Royal but is actually a Rebel. He acts polite and like he plays by the rules, but clearly he doesn't behind the scenes. I see Azul as the kind of Rebel akin to Duchess Swan... as in, he believes he can steal away someone else's destiny for himself. Azul would constantly be looking for loopholes to save himself. He's put way too much stock into becoming a better, stronger person and he'd want to defend this new life he has made for himself. His obsession with protecting his contracts could translate well here.

Kalim is a Royal because he's mega rich and has been sheltered from the concept of bad things that happen to normal people; he has nothing to worry about. It also helps that Kalim is twisted from a character that doesn't meet a bad ending. I think he'd be aware of Jami's doomed destiny, but Kalim is so ignorant that he thinks it'll just be fine and it'll work itself out. Part of his growth could be being forced to reckon with the reality that Jamil is suffering under the legacy assigned to him and accepting the role that he plays in that by not acting.

Idia is a Royal--or at least pre-book 6 Idia is. He's a very pessimistic guy and repeatedly expresses hopelessness about the future, bemoaning the curse he and his family have to bear. Idia doesn't want to try to fight his fate, he's already accepted that it will happen and so closes himself off from others to save himself that heartbreak. Post-book 6 Idia will have swapped over to the Rebel side thanks to Ortho reviving the hope in him.

Vil is a Rebel simply for the fact that he fights social conventions. He's already out here shattering gender roles, but finds it much harder to breach that expectation that villains are just villains and nothing more. Vil keeps getting rejected at every turn, told that it's impossible to rewrite his story, that his frustrations are the natural result of jealousy and an ugly heart that festers in side of him. He steels himself to prove that notion wrong, working himself to the bone to get up on that stage and stay on it, waiting to be lavished with praise that he truly is the fairest one of all. I feel this would be so fascinating for Vil's own arc about self acceptance; maybe he wears himself down emotionally because he HAS to basically be perfect due to his job but also denies himself normal feelings like anger and jealousy because confessing that you have such "ugly" feelings only validates that you're shallow just like the stories say you will be.

Malleus is a tough one, but I settled for Royal in the end. Maleficent is doomed to be slain by a sword, right? So am I saying that THE Malleus Draconia, who is infamously arrogant about his magical abilities, would lie down and take a stab like that? Of course not! However, I do think that Malleus is initially someone who values tradition and living up to noblesse oblige. As the future ruler of a nation, people's stories are relying on him to play his expected role out, which he'd be fully cognizant of. I also think Malleus would be afforded the luxury of not having to face his destiny as soon as his peers are due to his long life span. This is in part because the person destined to slay him doesn't come into his life for literally hundreds of years. Then when book 7 arrives, Malleus has to deal with his loved ones leaving and/or betraying him as well as the realization that this is his destiny: dying alone and unloved. That'd just break him.

ahdbiqwdbqwli I COULD TALK ABOUT THIS AU FOR FOREVER BUT I'LL CUT IT SHORT OR ELSE I'LL NEVER SHUT UP 😭

EAH has so many good characters and interesting storylines, it's hard for me to pick a favorite! I of course love Apple and Raven's dilemmas, but I feel like it's cheating to pick one of them as my favorite. The whole Wonderland gang is also fantastic... I'm a sucker for their aesthetic, but they're so fun and silly in general. Kitty, Lizzie, and especially Madeline are 👌

Mmm, when I think long and hard about it, I think my favorite EAH character has to be Briar Beauty, daughter of Sleeping Beauty. Firstly, I love all the pink, roses, and bramble in her design. Secondly, I love the layers to why she is the way she is. Briar's a party girl not because "lmao, wouldn't that be a funny haha subversion of Sleeping Beauty" but because she wants to live life up before she falls asleep for 100 years and literally loses all her friends and family to the natural passage of time. That's seriously so smart and such an inventive way to think about the trauma a descendant of Sleeping Beauty might have. Seeing Briar transition from one of Apple's besties and biggest supporters to an outright rebel is satisfying as heck. (Gotta take a moment to shout out this classic moment :3)

I don't know if I would compare Briar to Jade since they're entirely different characters. However, looking at the source material, I'm actually surprised I like Briar as much as I do since I have never cared for the story of Sleeping Beauty. A part of me finds this ironic since Malleus harbors a similar fear as Briar (losing loved ones) yet I see Malleus's desire as way more selfish and self-serving than Briar's. I believe that's because Briar doesn't have the same arrogance as Malleus, so I'm more forgiving with her. EAH's actual equivalent to Malleus is Faybelle, daughter of the Dark Fairy, but I don't like her as much as I do Briar (hence why I'm comparing Malleus and Briar, not Malleus and Faybelle).

I haven't read the EAH books but I want to one day! I'd prefer to borrow them since I don't have enough space in my room for more physical books, so as soon as I find copies at a library or something...

This blog has kind of become a place where I occasionally talk about my other interests, generally as it relates to TWST, my main interest. I'd like to keep it like this since managing multiple blogs can be so draining. It already takes quite a bit of time to regularly write responses to asks just on one blog!

[sleepanonymous]

hello fellow worshipper ^^

so from most of II’s drum cams i’ve seen, you can barely hear Vessel’s vocals… like do you think that ever makes him sad? not being able to properly hear his pretty siren voice on stage? :(

ofc feel free to ignore, i’m just a curious dude :)

Heeey, thank you for the ask! And I’d never ignore you or anyone else (on purpose, but my object permanence is as bad as a newborn's, lol) 🖤🖤

So, I have two answers for you. My first answer is that, yes, II probably does feel some type of way about not hearing Vessel’s amazing live singing (or even the Vesselettes, or III and IV). It’s obvious he’s a fan of the music he writes with Vessel, and he gets really into it during certain songs like Atlantic, where pauses between the percussion parts exist. But if it makes you feel better, II absolutely loves what he does and fully kills it every time he goes on stage. I’m sure it’s a sacrifice he willingly makes.

My second answer is much more technical and would apply to any touring drummer/musician, not just Sleep Token, so I’m just gonna shove it under a cut to hide my nerdiness, lol (and also not to shatter anyone's illusion with how much planning and work goes into live performances).

What we hear in II’s live drum playthroughs and what II hears while playing is a lot different. Performing musicians wear unique earplugs/earphones called in-ear monitors (I’ll abbreviate them to IEMs). The IEMs have several purposes, mainly to protect musicians’ hearing and allow them to hear themselves and backtracks while performing over everything else during a concert (because concerts are loud, obviously lol). But the IEMs also enable the musicians to hear other things, like the stagehands/sound techs can speak to them, they’ll more often than not have a metronome going, and they may even have spoken cues like, “Verse Two in 4 3 2 1.”

I can guarantee that II has at least a metronome going during all of Sleep Token’s rituals. Since none of the band really speaks on stage (I don’t count III’s yelling), II also might have either Sam (his drum tech) or an automated voice telling him what song he’s playing next, along with a numbered countdown for the beginning of the song. II might even get in-the-moment verbal queues from Sam, or Sleep Token’s FOH, Thom.

This isn’t Sleep Token, but the video below is an excellent example of what I’m talking about. I don't expect everyone to watch the whole thing but it's great, tempo changes, count-ins, and everything. Flash warning, just in case.

The two screenshots are from the same video and add a bit more information on what a musician might hear in their IEMs during live shows.

I might be alone here, but I really wish Sleep Token would release at least one of the live drum recordings with an in-ear mix like the video above. I’d nerd out so hard over hearing exactly what II or any of the other Eepy guys (especially Vessel during The Summoning, omg) are hearing live in their IEMs.

I know there are people who do mockups on YouTube of Popstar’s supposed IEM mixes and I swear if I had any musical knowledge or video editing skills it would be my self-proclaimed mission to put an in-ear mix into all of Sleep Token's live shows 😅😅

[tenebris-lux]

(Heavy-duty Spoilers for Hadestown ahead.)

The original Hades/Persephone myth wasn’t a sweet love story between the light and dark. It was a case of kidnapping and forced marriage and a grieving mother not knowing what happened to her baby. And the result is how it affects humans: the cycle of life and death and the seasons.

Because of the contrast between the type of environment Persephone is from and the one Hades is from, they make a pretty picture to look at. So the modern retellings have the relationship between Persephone and Hades be more mutual, usually like they eloped or something.

I’ll admit, it has some appeal to me too; I enjoy the game Hades, and I’ve enjoyed some digital art of the true-love premise.

That said, my favorite modern version that I’ve seen so far is Hadestown. The idea behind that is that they fell in love, but due to their personalities, they don’t always work well together. Persephone needs periods of separation from Hades. And for a while it works, but as time goes on and they get older, Hades’ insecurities start getting the better of him and he gets more demanding of her time. And she still does love him so she stays with him … but it’s not good for her emotionally. The environment is stifling and depressing to her. She starts numbing herself with liquor and drugs to pass the time, and then goes on extreme binges when she’s away from home. And Hades continues to worry about her no longer loving him, not realizing that his efforts to keep her close just widens the rift between them. He makes changes to his realm to bring some of the overworld conditions to the underworld, but he can only do it through the filter of his own understanding, and it makes the environment … weird. “Unnatural” as she puts it.

There are themes in Hadestown about trust vs doubt, optimism vs pessimism, hope vs cynicism. Orpheus and Eurydice are a fresh couple falling in love with optimistic hopes ahead of them (Eurydice is already somewhat cynical, but she wants to believe things can be better). Hades and Persephone used to be like that when they were young (in this story), but time and life and experience has turned them cynical. They’d even forgotten how they originally felt about each other. “The honeymoon is over,” as some say.

In the end, they’re reminded vividly of how they used to be and are willing to at least try again. They make no promises, no guarantees (because life has none), but they’re willing to make the effort. Specifically, the dialogue between them goes like this:

PERSEPHONE: “Think they’ll make it?”

HADES: “I don’t know.”

PERSEPHONE: “Hades, you let them go.”

HADES: “… I let them try.”

PERSEPHONE: “And how about you and I? Are we going to try again?”

HADES: “… It’s time for Spring. We’ll try again next Fall.”

PERSEPHONE: “Wait for me.”

HADES: “I will.”

As we know, things don’t work out with Orpheus and Eurydice … but Spring does come again, which indicates things aren’t strictly hopeless. Earlier in the play, Eurydice said, “I haven’t seen a Spring or Fall since … I can’t recall.” “It’s either blazing hot or freezing cold.” Yet there it is. And one could say that the relationship between Persephone and Hades had a winter period and it’s starting to bloom again. Which is a theme with them.

…….. And because I love Hadestown so much, I’m expanding on it. Hades and Persephone deciding to try again is a big thing with the play. We’re told at the beginning that the story we’re about to be told is a tragedy. And it is. In this version, Eurydice broke up with Orpheus due to insecurity and doubt. His show of devotion convinced her to try again, but then he had doubts—doubting her, doubting himself, doubting everyone else … and they couldn’t make it work because of it.

It ends in tragedy.

“But we sing it anyway,” as the narrator puts it. “Because here’s the thing: to know how it ends, and still begin to sing it again. As if it might turn out this time.” We see the way the couple meet again, but this time there’s a tiny detail that’s changed. The flower that Orpheus made for Eurydice was already blooming when she walked in. And we also see that Spring has returned. So “hope springs eternal” is another theme. So long as you continue trying, the story isn’t a forgone conclusion. There might be a period of dysfunction, but it’s not inevitable. Maybe things won’t work out in the end. Try again. Maybe they will.

Honestly, Hadestown is a pretty genius play, IMO. Aside from those themes, it links the cynicism and insecurity with the ways that people can be taken advantage of when they’re vulnerable. With the seasons out of whack, the routines of people’s lives are thrown off and things are more uncertain. Hades then recruits the desperate to come to Hadestown with the promise of secure conditions. However, it’s a trap—their lives become dedicated to unending projects that will “protect” them from … those not in their “desired” position. There’s a song that shows how they get brainwashed into cyclical thinking that they’re fortunate. The jobs are themed to fit in with industry and capitalism (mines, factories, warehouses). Hades profits off the work everyone puts in, and preaches to them—and makes them repeat—how fortunate they are to have the jobs in this exclusive place (you need a ticket to get there). The secluded Hadestown becomes unnaturally hot and bright all year round, and people eventually lose the memory of anything else besides the jobs they have to do to survive; as far as they know, this is the best way, the only way. Persephone also profits similarly by running a speakeasy, which has tastes of all the elements one can’t find anywhere else in Hadestown. But just tastes—they’re all temporary to the never-ending grind of the daily life.

The environment of what Hadestown has become—for it’s hinted that it wasn’t always like this—and the disruption of the harmony between Hades and Persephone allude to climate change and global warming.

When the play starts, Orpheus comes off as very naive and optimistic, which Eurydice—a young woman who survives by continuing to change location when things start going south—finds skeptical. I mean, he says he can heal the world with a song. But despite her doubts she starts to believe him—he played some of the song, and a flower bloomed from nothing—and she has a sweet and hopeful romance with him. Unfortunately, winter comes sooner and harsher than expected, and resources become scarce. She doubts her future; she loves him, but doesn’t see how she can survive by staying with him. So when she’s given the offer for security and the promise of never being hungry again in Hadestown, she takes it. During this, Orpheus was focused on trying to finish that magic song, so he hadn’t noticed her insecurities and starving condition. He immediate goes after her to Hadestown without a ticket, walking an incredibly long way alone and braving guards and guard dogs.

Eurydice becomes disillusioned pretty quickly in Hadestown that it was the better option, but it already has started draining her of the will to find other options or go back…. And then Orpheus shows up. However, he learned then that Eurydice agreed to spend the rest of her life in Hadestown; she had gone willingly. Being an outsider, Hades has the locals beat the crap out of him … and these two elements finally gives Orpheus some of the doubt that leads people to give up. He considers just going home without her … but then he gets angry, given how the conditions are dictated and enforced by those in power.

The people of Hadestown rally behind him and that gets the attention of Persephone and Hades. Persephone is moved by the dedication Orpheus has for Eurydice, and their love for each other reminds her of how she used to be with Hades. Hades needed to be reminded more vividly and have it spelled out for him how his current state of mind is toxic to himself as well as everyone else; he’s letting his insecurities get the better of him and he’s making it everyone else’s problem, while not really becoming happier himself. He’s shown the comparison of who he is now with who he used to be and how he used to feel. He becomes conflicted. He wants to believe and hope again, but … the doubt is still there. He’s still afraid to let go of anything. So he bargains. Orpheus can leave and Eurydice will follow him. But he wants to see that trust and optimism demonstrated. If Orpheus can trust himself and Eurydice, they can go forward. But if he looks back, she returns to Hadestown. See, Hades still doesn’t want to give anything up. The whole town has their eyes on this couple and they all want to leave and try for a different life; this would bring down his empire. But if he demands Eurydice stays, he’s giving up on renewing what it was like to feel hopeful and young again, and his problems with his marriage continue. Thus the compromise. And he knows how separating the loving couple will leave room for doubts to come in. It happened to him, after all, while he was separated from his wife. And it happened when Eurydice was separated from Orpheus earlier.

Sadly … the doubt wins out. Orpheus had become cynical from his experience in Hadestown. He had finished his song, and it led to hope for the world’s future, but now his future is uncertain. He failed Eurydice before, he might fail again. He’s more aware of some of the ugliness out there. (One could also interpret it as her having left him, so why would he trust her implicitly this time?) So, even though Eurydice, who has had experience with that, is willing to try again … Orpheus’ trust fails, and he looks back.

One might think this wouldn’t bode well for the whole future, that everything in the world hinged on that one look. But the idea is to TRY AGAIN. Hades still had doubts, had wanted to see the trust demonstrated … but was still willing to try again with his wife. Spring still returned. People who had given up their lives for Hadestown were still willing to try again, despite the risks. Orpheus had been discouraged when he learned Eurydice left him, but he was still willing to try again, and that led to the whole town protesting against the ruling class. And, on the more meta level, we repeat stories that we know end sad, and sometimes hope something will change. Just like this one. And from there we get variations.

Keep trying. Things may get better. Even if they get worse again, so long as you keep trying, nothing is determined. There’s always a chance.

[blueikeproductions]

And it begins, the EarthSpark toys are on clearance.

So far it’s just these size classes, but it’s not looking long for this toy line. None of it really moves super well. The store I was in moves the Tacticons a little better, but probably only because they’re so cheap.

Among the Deluxe line, Nightshade continues to shelfwarm, with the ROTB and Legacy toy lines still doing better by comparison.

If this changes for TFOne’s toy line later this year remains to be seen, as we still have no clear idea on what the movie is like or what the TFs look like. A candid shot of an Orion Pax popcorn bucket is the best we got, and most people are playfully making fun of how chunky it is like Energon Optimus Prime.

(Art by staticoctopus on Twitter, it’s cute and fits very well with the topic, lol).

Meanwhile, Skybound’s still knocking it out of the park, and is garnering far more discussion and speculation that EarthSpark can ever hope to have.

It’s doing what Bob Budiansky had been making a point of from the start: you need Earth and humans to properly tell the stories of alien robots that turn into vehicles, just having them only on their own doesn’t work unless it’s Beast Wars or Beast Machines. Because you get WFC, Prime Wars, and Cyberverse when you strip Transformers of its humanity figuratively and literally.

It’s why EarthSpark is so weird, because it is trying so hard to make statements it has no qualifications to make, and pretty much treats most of its non Megatron, non-Mandroid and non Jawbreaker male characters like morons. Robbie practically dies and the show treats it somewhat as a joke, instead having Alex & Dot love up Mo while Robbie lays there probably thinking of the worst retirement homes he can shove his parents in to. The human X Transformer relations are still frankly terrible unless you’re a Malto. If modern writers despise the Chosen One story, they’re sure going all in on the Maltos as being chosen for a vague destiny, aren’t they?

Meanwhile, Skybound does this:

Telling a much better and heartfelt story about humans and Autobots coming together with future trials yet to come. There’s a reason people criticize the inept and some that shady EarthSpark Optimus (his only saving grace currently is being voiced by Alan Tudyk), but most universally praise Skybound Optimus as the return to form Transformers desperately, desperately needed.

On top of that, spoilers for context, Sparkplug sacrificed himself to save Optimus, by merging with the Matrix, revitalizing it. Now Optimus is guided by the human wisdom of a repentant Sparkplug, who previously was consumed by the horrors of the war he served in, the death of his wife & eldest son and his alcoholism used to drown it out.

Now Optimus is seeing what appears to be Sparkplug’s memories due to his influence of the Matrix.

It’s led many to assume this is Optimus stepping into the role of father to Spike, mirroring Star Saber & Jan. I think that’s terrific idea, Optimus better understanding humans from the get go but now having Sparkplug as his Jaga to potentially guide him further.

It also seems to be a reverse Hi-Q from the Marvel comics.

And that resulted in Hi-Q evolving into a new Optimus (mostly because of the Action Master toy at the time, but still.)

This is what EarthSpark wants to be but refuses to do, it’s what IDW thought it was trying to be, but absolutely failed, and now we’re at TFONE.

Hasbro is now trying to properly advertise it with an animated logo on places like Instagram. The movie is set to come out this September if all goes well with the toys trickling out around that time (though toy distribution being what it is, probably January 2025 at this rate).

Like EarthSpark, One is stated to have “political” commentary and characters like Nightshade according to leaks and rumors. This I guarantee will kill this movie faster than EarthSpark if the story and characters aren’t up to snuff. Thankfully, audience test screenings have been very positive so far, but another problem we’ve all anticipated. Comments about the official logo now have people incredibly confused and hesitant to go near ONE because they don’t know if it’s Bayformers, Bee/ROTB, or something new, and being told it’s a new thing doesn’t seem to be helping…

Skybound remains the best thing Transformers has had in a long time. One has the potential, but I think its main “non politically driven” deterrent is it being another movie with vague ties to Bayformers and being a cartoon movie. (Some are actually angry it’s an animated movie and not a live action thing, it’s confusing…) There’s apparently plans to to make TMNT: The Last Ronin into an R movie under Paramount, as it too is the only good thing TMNT has going for it (besides Mutant Mayhem, but we’ll see how that goes for its TV show), so it’s entirely possible Hasbro may chose to do the same with the Energon Universe, as it’s the only thing period Transformers has going for it right now…

[braveclementine]

Civil War

Warnings: None

Copyright: I do not own any Marvel characters or locations. However, I do own my OC Elizabeth Lightwood. I do not condone any copying of this.

"I don't suppose you have any idea where they are?" Ross asked as he entered the room.

"We will. GSG 9's got the borders covered. Recon's flying 24/7. They'll get a hit. We'll handle it."

"You don't get it, Stark. It's not yours to handle." Ross said. "It's clear you can't be objective, your own soulmate is part of this. I'm putting Special Ops on this."

"And what happens when the shooting starts?" Natasha asked. "What, do you kill Steve Rogers?"

"If we're provoked. Barnes would've been eliminated in Romania if it wasn't for Rogers and Lightwood. There are dead people who would be alive now." Ross said. "Feel free to check my math."

"All due respect, you're not gonna solve this with boys and bullets, Ross. You gotta let us bring them in."

"How would that end any differently than last time?"

"Because this time, I won't be wearing loafers and a silk shirt. Seventy-two hours, guaranteed."

"Thirty six hours. Barnes. Rogers. Wilson. Lightwood. Stark." Ross shouted over his shoulder as he walked away.

"Thank you sir." Tony muttered and then looked at Natasha. "My left arm is numb, is that normal?"

Nat walked over and put a hand on his shoulder. "You all right?"

"Always." Tony said quickly. "Thirty-six hours. Jeez."

"We're seriously understaffed." Nat muttered.

"Oh, yeah. It'd be great if we had a Hulk right about now. Any shot?"

Nat smirked, "You really think he would be on our side?"

"No."

"I have an idea."

"Me, too. Where's yours?"

"Downstairs. Where's yours?"

Tony smiled. "Queens."

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The car was the most cramped vehicle in the world. It had four seats and there were five of you. You, Elizabeth, and Bucky were trying to sit in the back row. Elizabeth was in the middle, pretty much sitting on top of you as she tried to give Bucky more room.

Steve got out of the car, going up to meet Sharon who was going to give you guys. . . well whatever Steve had asked for.

"Can you move your seat up?" Bucky asked as Sam was leaning back in the passenger seat of his car.

"No." Sam responded.

Elizabeth groaned, getting up. She shifted over, pretty much on Bucky's lap and shoved his shoulder a little, "Move that way. You can sit in the middle."

You scooted as far over against the window as you could. Bucky moved over a little, Elizabeth sitting half-way on him, halfway on her seat.

Sharon suddenly leaned forwards and kissed him on the lips. Bucky sort've tensed in his seat. Elizabeth sighed in disapproval. Sam snickered.

Steve gently pushed away from her, seeming just slightly angry with her. She dipped her head in apologies and then Steve loaded the stuff up into the car. And then you were on your way.

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Steve pulled into the parking lot next to a white van.

"Cap. Y/N." Clint greeted you when you got out of the car. Him and Wanda had left the white van.

"You know I wouldn't have called if I had any other choice." Steve said and the two men shook hands.

"Hey, man, you're doing me a favor. Besides, I owe a debt." Clint said, looking back at Wanda.

"Thanks for having my back." Steve said and Pietro suddenly joined Wanda's side.

Wanda looked at Clint, "It was time to get off my ass."

"How about our other recruit?" Steve asked.

"He's rarin' to go." Clint said, sliding open the door. "Had to put a little coffee in him, but he should be good."

You raised an eyebrow as a man you had never seen before got out of the car. "What time zone is this?"

"Come on. come on." Clint muttered.

The man froze when he saw Steve.

"Captain America." He said, shaking his hand.

"Mr. Lang." Steve said.

"It's an honor."

You had to duck away as the man Steve called Lang continued to shake Steve's hand very vigorously. Elizabeth was already cackling into her hands on the other side of the car and that just fueled your giggles to erupt.

"I'm shaking your hand too long. Wow! This is awesome!"

Elizabeth giggled again.

"Captain America," He turned back to Wanda, "I know you, too. You're great." Scott touched Steve's chest, "Ah, jeez. Look, I just want to say, I know you know a lot of super people, so thanks for thinking of me. Hey man!"

"What's up Tic Tac?" Sam asked.

"Uh, good to see you. Look, what happened last time when I-"

"It was a great audition, but it'll never happen again." Sam said quickly.

"They tell you what we're up against?" Steve asked while you looked at Sam, raising an eyebrow.

"I will get the story from you." You warned him.

"Uh uh."

"Something about some psycho-assassins." Scott answered Steve.

"We're outside the law on this one." Steve warned him. "So if you come with us, you're a wanted man."

"Yeah, well, what else is new?"

"We should get moving." Bucky called from the other side of the car.

"We got a chopper lined up." Clint said.

Suddenly, a man speaking German came on the intercom.

"They're evacuating the airport." Bucky filled in.

"Stark." Sam said.

"Stark?" Scott repeated.

"Suit up." Steve said.

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You pulled your hair up into a ponytail, unable to see how you looked in the mirror. But you were wearing your black catsuit and you felt ready. You had your AK-12 strapped to your back, handguns in your holsters. Knives in your boots.

You stepped out of the van and saw Elizabeth was already waiting, looking incredibly sexy for the mission. You raised an eyebrow. "What do you think you're starring in? A movie?"

"Nah, I'm thinking a heavy romance-action novel." Elizabeth smirked.

She was wearing tight boots up to her calves, which probably had knives in them. She was wearing what seemed like a tight body suit, in a blue colour that highlighted her skin and eyes. She had her bow and arrows strapped to her back, shurikens in the thin belt on her waist. She'd pulled her long hair back into a bun as well.

She was also wearing thigh holsters matched with garters for handguns. She had a sword on her hip and probably a thousand other weapons.

"Besides, it was in Loki's kit."

Bucky stepped around the side and you watched him scan her entire body and then look away, blushing. God they had a lovely love triangle going on here, minus the fact that Loki was alive and would slit their throats if they touched her and obviously Elizabeth was deeply in love with Loki. But it was clear to you that both Steve and Bucky were head over heels for her.

The rest of the gang joined you. Clint, Wanda, and Pietro hadn't changed much but Steve was in his Captain America suit now and Sam was in his usual get up. Scott had put on a strange helmet, along with a red and black uniform of some kind.

Steve decided to run ahead, see if he could get the chopper started, but naturally, your lovely husband decided to short circuit the entire thing.

"Wow, it's so weird how you run into people at the airport." Tony said in his suit. Rhodey was right next to them.

"This'll be fun." Elizabeth muttered, wielding her sword. "No offense Y/N, but do you think if I flash my boobs at him, he'll let us pass?"

"No." Bucky growled.

You laughed and then you joined the others in running.

🎃 :::::  🧡  ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━  🧡  ::::: 🎃

Tony let his face plate come off and Steve saw he had a black eye. "Don't you think that's weird?"

"Definitely weird." Rhodey agreed.

"Hear me out, Tony." Steve said. "That doctor, the psychiatrist, he's behind all of this."

Suddenly, the Black Panther leaped through the air and landed by them. "Captain."

"Your Highness."

"Anyways," Tony said. "Ross gave me thirty-six hours to bring you in. That was twenty-four hours ago. Can you help a brother out?"

"You're after the wrong guy." Steve said.

"Your judgement is askew. Your soulmate killed innocent people yesterday."

"And there are five more super soldiers just like him." Steve argued. "I can't let the doctor find them first, Tony. I can't."

"Steve." Nat's voice came from behind him. He turned to face her. "You know what's about to happen. Do you really want to punch your way out of this one?"

"All right, I've run out of patience." Tony said, "Underoos!"

Steve felt his shield being jerked off his arm and he saw something go flying through the air. A strange man wearing red and blue with a black spider on his chest landed on a truck, his shield in the hands of the new man.

"Nice job kid." Tony said.

"Thanks!" Came the high pitched voice of a teenage boy. "Well, I could have stuck the landing a little better, it's just- New suit. It's nothing, Mr. Stark. It's perfect. Thank you."

"Yeah, we don't really need to start a conversation." Tony said. Great, Steve thought, Tony brought new kids into this shit.

"Okay. Cap. Captain." The kid saluted him. "Big fan. I'm Spider-Man."

"Yeah, we'll talk about it later." Tony said.

"You've been busy." Steve said.

"And you've been a complete idiot." Tony snapped. "Dragging in Clint, my wife, Elizabeth, 'Rescuing' Wanda from a place she doesn't even want to leave, a safe place. I'm trying to keep-" Tony sighed, "I'm trying to keep you from tearing the Avengers apart."

"You did that when you signed." Steve said.

"All right, we're done." Tony said. "You're gonna turn Barnes over, you're gonna come with us now, because it's us or a squad of J-SOC guys with no compunction about being impolite." Then he muttered almost under his breath, "Come on."

"We found it." Sam said in his earpiece. "Their Quinjets in hangar five, north runway."

Steve raised his hands into the air and Clint shot the webs with an arrow. Tony's face plate came down.

"All right, Lang."

He watched the man grow, kicking the spider kid backwards, now holding the shield.

"Whoa. W- what the hell was that?"

"I believe this is yours, Captain America." Scott said, handing Steve the shield.

"Oh great." Tony groaned.

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You, Elizabeth, Bucky, and Sam raced through the terminal and you looked up to see something red and blue running on the glass windows.

"What the hell is that?" Bucky shouted.

"Everyone's got a gimmick now." Sam grunted.

The man swung into the room, kicking Sam in the chest. He went and grabbed Bucky's arm as Bucky went to punch him. "Whoa! You have a metal arm? That is awesome dude!" Then Sam tackled him, flying off with him.

Elizabeth started letting loose arrows, but when the man kept missing them like he had some sort of super ability, she glared, putting the bow away and pulled our her shurikens.

He made Sam go down, webbing him to the railing and then asked, "Are those wings carbon-fiber?"

"Is this stuff coming out of you?" Sam asked, revolted.

"That would explain the ridgity- flexibility ratio, which, gotta say, that's awesome man."

"I don't know if you've been in a fight before, but there's usually not this much talking." Sam snapped angrily.

"All right, sorry. My bad." The young man said.

"Aww, cut him some slack." Elizabeth said, easily getting rid of the webs with her shurikens. "He's just a kid."

And then Elizabeth watched as he knocked both Bucky and Sam off the railing, webbing them both to the ground. You were suddenly webbed to the railing. But Elizabeth just kept swinging her sword, not moving once and finally he gave up.

"Guys, look, I'd love to keep this up, but I've only got one job here today and I gotta impress Mr. Stark, so, I'm really sorry-"

Suddenly Redwing grabbed him and flew him out the window. You could hear him screaming in the background. Elizabeth calmly cut your bonds and then jumped down to free the others.

"You couldn't have done that earlier?" Bucky asked.

"I hate you."

You all ran and then you heard Steve yell, "Come on."

Steve was in the lead with Clint, Wanda, Pietro, and Scott with him. You, Elizabeth, Bucky, and Sam quickly caught up so that you were all running towards the Quinjet in the hanger.

Until suddenly, a yellow beam of light came to cut a line in front of the ground. You cursed when you saw Vision floating there.

"Captain Rogers, I know you believe what you're doing is right." Tony landed with Nat, setting her down on the ground, "But for the collective good, you must surrender now." Rhodey dropped down with Black Panther and Spider man swung his way in.

"What do we do Cap?" Sam asked.

"We fight."

Elizabeth decided to swing her sword dramatically on that one.

You started to walk towards them, feeling the nerves in your stomach. Then you broke out into a run, pulling out the nun chunks because you really didn't want to shoot any of them.

You started to fight Natasha with Clint, the three of you fighting. Natasha got you good in the stomach and you grunted, skidding on your knee. Clint managed to pin her down.

"Hey, we're still in love, right?" Nat asked.

"Depends on how hard you hit me." Clint joked.

Nat managed to get from underneath him, but before she could kick him in the head, Wanda sent her flying with her magic.

"You were pulling your punches." Wanda criticized.

You smirked and then leapt into the fight again. Elizabeth was helping Bucky fight Black Panther, the two of them made a vicious duo.

Tony landed in front of you at that moment, "Y/N, we do not have to do this."

"I would love not to do this." You agreed. "So let us all go to the jet and find the guy who wants to release five more super soldiers on the world, huh? Cause we'll need all hands on deck for that one. They can take a single country down in one night Tones. Please."

"Do you understand if you do this, you're a criminal?" Tony asked, "They will put you in jail. You won't see Everleigh. Is he worth this?" Tony asked angrily, pointing at where Steve was fighting Spider-man.

"It's not about Steve or Bucky." You said. "And I have explained over and over that Bucky is innocent. You are not listening to me! There are super soldiers- more dangerous than Bucky- that are going to be released on this Earth. And you're not going to be able to stop them when they're in full power! If we can get them when they're groggy- first out of the ice chambers-"

"Enough." Tony said angrily. He lifted his hand and you sighed, because you knew he was going to attempt and dart you with sleep solution. Pietro grabbed you, racing off with you as he shot the dart.

"Thanks Piet." You said, ducking now as the Spider-man shot his webs at you. "If you can get Elizabeth to the jet she can start it up."

Pietro nodded and raced off to where Elizabeth was now fighting hand to hand with T'Challa, her sword abandoned on the ground, Bucky on his stomach, pushing himself to his feet.

"No, you get to the jet!" You heard Sam shout in your coms, "Both of you! The rest of us aren't getting out of here."

"As much as I hate to admit it, if we're gonna win this one, some of us might have to lose it." Clint said into the coms now.

"Pietro, can you carry Steve or Bucky?" You asked into the coms.

You heard Pietro snort, "Right."

"This isn't the real fight, Steve." Sam said.

"All right, Sam. What's the play." Steve answered.

"We need a diversion. Something big."

"Want me to take my clothes off?" Elizabeth asked with a laugh, before kicking T'Challa in the face with a kick spin.

"No?" T'Challa questioned in confusion, not understanding what she was saying.

"No!" Both Steve and Bucky growled together.

"I got something kinda big." Scott said suddenly. "But I can't hold it very long. On my signal, run like hell."

"Easy." Pietro said.

"And if I tear myself in half, don't come back for me."

"He's gonna tear himself in half?" Bucky asked in confusion.

"You sure about this, Scott?" Steve asked.

"I do it all the time." Was his answer. You punched Nat in the chest, and then blocked her next punches, sweeping her legs out from underneath her and then tazed her arms, keeping her down, leaping over her to keep going.

"I mean, once. In a lab. Then I passed out."

You looked around the corner to see Scott had turned huge, grabbing Rhodey's suit by the leg, holding him like the way a kid might try and hold a mouse or something.

"Good going Tic Tac!" Sam shouted.

You started weaving in and out of everything, you and Elizabeth going to flank Steve and Bucky to the Quinjet. Pietro weaved in and out, clearing obstacles and knocking over anyone that tried to stop you all. Scott was definitely doing a very good job at fighting Spider-man, Rhodey, and T'Challa all by himself.

"Shit." You cursed when you saw Rhodey and Tony were still going after the Quinjet.

Vision was holding Wanda in his arms, talking to her. Scott was probably asleep, still laying on the ground. Nat and T'Challa were nowhere in sight. Elizabeth was bent over with her hands on her knees, breathing hard.

Pietro was waiting, just standing there.

Vision suddenly created a beam of yellow light, shooting it at Sam's wings.

"NO!" You shouted, covering your mouth with your hands. Sam would drop and he would be killed.

Sam managed to duck into a ball and it hit Rhodey instead. He started to fall towards the Earth.

"WANDA SLOW HIM DOWN!" Elizabeth screamed, before looking at Pietro, "Get me to him now."

Pietro picked her up and the two of them were gone. Wanda got to her feet and shook her head, "I'm to far."

You started to run that way. Rhodey had been one of your best friends and suddenly the entire situation of what just happened came to life. You had all just fought one another. Family had just fought family. You had been against your own soulmate. Vision and Wanda had fought each other. Clint and Nat. What had you all done? Why couldn't they understand?

You finally arrived there, Sam laying in the grass, having been shot by Tony. Tony had Rhodey in his arms while Elizabeth placed a hand on his forehead, turquoise coloured whisps of smokes surrounding them.

Pietro looked at you. "The others?"

"Safe." You said. "Steve and Bucky will hopefully stop the super soldiers. We have to hope the two of them are enough."

[karamazovposting]

On Ivan and bipolar disorder (part three)

This is my favorite part of this whole thing. I haven't written it yet, that's literally the opening line, but here I'll be talking about one of the most interesting (to me) aspects of Ivan's character: how the other characters perceive him; I already know I'll be having a blast writing this. Internal vs external perception is probably my favorite topic when it comes to character study, so I was thinking of doing something similar for Dmitri as well in the future because I noticed some things that I want to talk about. I'll think about it.

For once I don't have to make an introduction where I explain what I'll be going over in this because there's none to be made, so let's start from the beginning. The first time we see Ivan is when they're all waiting for Dmitri at the beginning of the book, and what does he do? He takes the piss out of everyone, of course. And I think that in everything that happens there and in the following passages (I was particularly struck by Father Zosima's words about him, which I've already mentioned in here) we pretty much have the key to Ivan's character, and he doesn't even give it to us himself (very fitting indeed). The first thing we find out is that Alyosha is afraid Ivan will be condescending towards the monks and while Ivan technically isn't, he still adopts a subtly mocking tone with them, which checks out considering that Miusov says Ivan feigns arrogance to mask his own insecurity. Also it's very telling that Ivan's demeanor changes when it comes to Zosima, I feel like he actually does respect him and to some extent appreciates his words. Funnily enough I've found myself in a similar situation in the past (atheist surrounded by nuns, my family was there, they told me some things I appreciated; I wasn't making fun of anyone though I swear) so I get it.

Speaking of words, there are many used for him in those chapters, and there are even more as the novel goes on, brushstroke after brushstroke painting a rather confusing and contradictory picture of this young man: he's bright yet insecure and "a tomb", he's weird and a misunderstood outcast in his own family yet he's charming (said by multiple characters in multiple occasions, I think it's the word that's used the most to describe him) and refined, yet again eccentric. He's paradoxical and a riddle (another word used multiple times), and his own father fears him more than he fears the son who almost beat him to death and at first I couldn't understand why, considering everyone else's opinion of Ivan and the fact that Ivan actually helped get Dmitri off of their father when he was beating him, but then I went back to Book Two and stumbled upon a line that managed to completely go over my head in the past (how could that happen? God, the horror!) that does explain a lot and looking back now, to me feels like one of the most important lines (about Ivan) of the whole novel:

What seemed to [Aleksej] strangest of all was that his brother Ivan, [...] who alone had such influence on his father that he could have stopped him [...]

I don't think I need to explain why I think this line (that you can find in The old buffoon for context) is crucial so I won't say much about it, but it also explains why Ivan's presence in the Karamazov household is seen as a guarantee for quiet and order (as stated during Dmitri's trial, and we also see it in the fact that both Dmitri and Pavel had in mind to murder Fyodor only if Ivan had been out of the picture, though for different reasons), and honestly it surprised me: I mean, Ivan's influence over other people plays a very important role in the story, but him having influence over his father? Fyodor Pavlovich Karamazov? Wow. Also I have something else to say about the quiet and order thing but it belongs in part four.

The rest of that line is also interesting in my opinion:

[...] [Ivan] sat now quite unmoved, with downcast eyes, apparently waiting with interest to see how it would end, as though he had nothing to do with it.

This, maybe trivial, line never really left my head, which means it must mean something to me. Maybe because that behaviour fits Ivan's character so well and I always like when he gets to act like a normal, unbothered, and even childish at times, twenty-three year old (he's not even angry there, what a rare occurrence) and because according to how the other characters speak of him, it feels unexpected (and turned out to be useful for this post).

Back to how others speak of him, someone (Fyodor I think) goes as far as saying that maybe Ivan deliberately seeks torment, which honestly feels a little too familiar to me and that's why that's another line I can't seem to get out of my head; when people have such a high opinion of you they do tend to blame your own struggle on you, at least in my experience, as it's their only way of rationalizing it. You should be better than that, you should be smarter than that. But you're not, so maybe you actually want it; why would such a brilliant person be like that otherwise? You're not allowed to be "weak" and I think Ivan is a perfect example of this as he has internalized this concept, but I'll go over it in part four.

But what does all this have to do with bipolar disorder? I'm getting there, but you'll have to bear with me because this whole thing gets quite intricated at this point and I have to be as clear as I can (and I can't, ever), so let's take a seemingly nonsensical step back to see the bigger picture.

None of the brothers are stupid: Dmitri is naive, impulsive and uneducated, sure, but the narrator does describe him as a fairly intelligent man in spite of it, Pavel was basically a child prodigy and a very smart young adult (and maybe I should talk about it sometime because everyone in the novel considers him to be capable but stupid and there's only one person who explicitly recognizes his intelligence in a genuine way apart from the narrator, guess who), and Aleksej, while also uneducated, isn't stupid either. But there is a particular emphasis put on Ivan's intelligence and it's hard to find a paragraph where he is present or where someone else is talking about him that doesn't mention it. Ivan is bright, Ivan is educated, Ivan is an academic. It's pretty much the first thing the other characters think of when thinking about him, it's almost some sort of morbid fixation. And it's not a positive thing either as it does nothing but feed into his insecurities and Pavel even uses it against him by telling him how intelligent he is over and over until he officially loses it. Ivan is smart to the point of being charming and admired, but that turns out to be a double-edged sword (of course) because everyone puts him on a pedestral and higher the pedestral, deadlier the fall, as we see in the second half of the novel. In my opinion the only one who seems to view him as a human being and not as some sort of ghost or higher, detached entity (apart from Zosima) is Alyosha; Dmitri considers Ivan to be better than everyone else including himself, Smerdyakov is...well, Smerdyakov, his father's attitude towards him is basically I don't understand what's up with him and I don't really care (in addition to what I said a few paragraphs ago) and even Katya is charmed by him more than she loves him, at least at first. Everyone else doesn't even really know him and that's partially his own fault, but I can't blame him.

Why do I consider this bipolar coding? To make it short, intelligent people are often considered charismatic and many psychiatric studies suggest that there's a link between bipolar disorder and high intelligence (which to me personally kind of feels like a consolation prize, like nature saying hey, you'll hate being alive but at least you're not an idiot!, thanks a lot I guess) and it's also worth mentioning that bipolar disorder is linked to creativity as well since Ivan has come up with multiple poems over the years, which means he must be a creative person to a certain degree. I haven't been citing my sources because this is not an academic paper and I'm just some guy on Tumblr who doesn't even study psychiatry and just happens to be basically cursed, but there's a book about this topic that I want to mention: Touched with Fire: Manic-Depressive Illness and the Artistic Temperament by American psychiatrist Kay Redfield Jamison; I've also read her (very relatable) autobiography and I'm a big fan of hers since she knows what she's talking about even more than the average psychiatrist because she has bipolar disorder herself. For anecdotal evidence, I keep a mental list of historical figures and artists (including contemporaries/celebrities who are still alive) diagnosed with bipolar disorder (so if you ever want to know if someone has/had it hit me up I guess) that I won't include here for obvious reasons, but let me just say that the doctors who did the aforementioned studies do seem to have a point (and I'm an artist myself). I want to make clear that I'm not trying to play into the overused, boring, inaccurate, and generally uncomfortable (for me at least) mentally ill tormented genius trope/stereotype and that it's obviously not what Dostoevsky was going for either; it's just that I've personally had people fixate on my intellect my whole life (not to mention the general weird fascination the average person has for mental illness and mentally ill people as well) and seeing Ivan go through that same experience combined with the studies I just mentioned made this association inevitable for me. Also people seem to find you more fun and charming when you're manic/hypomanic (only when you're the "right" kind of manic/hypomanic of course, when you're experiencing dysphoric mania/hypomania people just become ableist because that's the "wrong" kind of mania/hypomania, duh) which is...uhm...I don't really know how to feel about it honestly, but it's a fact so I'm mentioning it.

But what came first, Ivan's self-isolation or people's misunderstanding of him as a person? Is it the former that caused the latter or the other way around? To me this feels like having to talk about the good old chicken and egg dilemma and I still haven't figured it out in relation to myself, so I guess this will remain unanswered for now (or forever). But what I do know is that bipolar disorder is a lonely experience, no matter how hard someone tries to not make it lonely; people just don't get it even if you explain yourself a thousand times over and over. It doesn't mean you don't have relationships with others, it just means you know you have to keep some things to yourself sometimes and you get used to it, which seems to be Ivan's case too; to me the best example of it is when he's just about to tell Alyosha about the devil but stops himself from doing so and decides to push him away instead. In my opinion it's also connected to his inability to show "weakness" that I already mentioned and that is often one of the core experiences of living with bipolar disorder, but I won't go over that now. I'll just say the problem when it comes to Ivan is that everyone (the readers, the other characters, even himself) gets tangled in a net of performance; living with bipolar disorder feels like having to constantly keep up a certain kind of act (that I wouldn't even know how to explain) in front of others due to the stigma, and I'm pretty sure that's the case with every neurodivergence and invisible disability (bipolar disorder is in fact a disability and I'm legally disabled, that's why I mentioned ableism earlier). Ivan knows what people think and expect of him (we've seen it in his first real interaction with Alyosha and I've already talked about it in part two) and we see few moments when he goes mask off, and apart from those moments his facial expressions are always described as being forced or "off" in some other way. One thing that struck me is the significant contrast between what Mrs. Khokhlakova in particular says about him and how we actually see him behave when he doesn't bother with his forced coldness and collectedness (usually by himself or around his family): she talks about how refined and chivalrious he is multiple times because that's the side of him she sees (and almost everyone else sees), yet he's the character who swears the most (I don't know if "swearing" is the right term as in the novel there are no actual curse words in the modern sense but he doesn't really speak kindly does he); his language is even worse than Dmitri's. I'm not saying that being polite in public/formal settings and swearing like a sailor in private/informal settings is something unusual because I'm also like that (as I'm afraid you might have noticed, sorry for all the swearing!), I just wanted to point that out because to me it seems important in general and relevant for this post.

This doesn't mean I think of Ivan as a fake person because I would have to have that same opinion of myself and I don't, it's quite hard to explain if you haven't lived the bipolar experience first-hand or don't really know what masking is and I hope you'll understand what I'm trying to say here; it's just that he hides and polishes some parts of himself due to a combination of childhood emotional neglect, mental illness, and a personality that's difficult on its own (but really, when you have a disorder like this one it's quite hard to tell what's personality and what's mental illness, especially because at times they're one and the same; it shapes you and sometimes you can't even do anything about it and to me it's no surprise Ivan's sense of self is as warped as it is), all factors that contribute to his partially self-inflicted isolation. I mean, he does say himself to Alyosha that at first he kept him at a distance on purpose and you can also find a glimpse of that in his own philosophy: he openly says that he loves humanity but dislikes humans. He can only show affection from afar and I think that also reflects in the situation with Pavel and in Ivan's own guilt: I don't think Ivan lacks empathy (quite the opposite), he just doesn't have the tools to do anything with it. Could he really have done something? He says he would have if Pavel had explicitly told him to stay in their father's house (here the conversation shifts on the physical aspect of things as Ivan now feels guilty for also being physically distant from his family and not only emotionally), but Ivan's words are never really reliable. How can we expect someone who's incapable of getting close to people to help them? Even when trying to help Dmitri escape prison he's still rough with him. There's a reason why his thing with Katya is a mess as well and he refuses to admit that he loves her (he even says to Alyosha that he doesn't like her and he's with her only to prevent a catastrophe at Mitya's trial, which are later stated to be lies by the narrator): he always tries to convert his feelings into reason, otherwise his whole façade crumbles.

I also want to mention Ippolit Kirillovič's words about him at the trial because they seem very important to me, but only very briefly because first, many things he says have already been talked about in my other posts and second, it seems a little unfair to leave the other members of the family out because Ippolit Kirillovič says many interesting things about all of them; maybe I'll make a post about that in the future. Basically, Ippolit Kirillovič doesn't particularly like Ivan because he got the better of him in a couple public arguments they had in the past (very funny to me by the way), but he still prefaces his criticism of him by talking about his positive qualities (once again, his vigorous intellect and brilliant education) and saying he was welcome in their community (but not in the same way Dmitri was). This is yet another case of me not knowing where I'm going with this, but this particular instance stood out to me so it was worth mentioning; I think it summarizes the other characters' attitude towards Ivan quite well, but I can't really explain it.

Another thing that I noticed is that no one ever calls him by a nickname, not even Alyosha. I wrote a post about the use of names and nicknames in The Brothers Karamazov months ago but I hated the way it turned out because I felt like I wasn't making any sense so I decided to throw the whole thing away and I don't even know if I should try writing it again. Anyway, it's very interesting to me that pretty much everyone is referred to by a nickname (even Rakitin of all people) except for Ivan; not even Alyosha calls him anything other than his name (and if I remember correctly not even Katya, who talks to Ivan using the informal you, does). Actually, there are a couple instances where this does happen and that drives me even more insane because the first one happens at the beginning of the novel, when his father calls him Vanya a few times only to never do it again (and honestly Ivan didn't seem to like that either), and the second one is Rakitin mockingly referring to him as Vanechka when talking about him to Aleksej (because of course he'd never call Ivan that to his face and I also have a feeling he'd get decked if he tried). I don't really know where I'm going with this (again) but I wanted to throw it in anyway because it always stood out to me considering the only main characters that are never referred to like that are Fyodor, Ivan, and Smerdyakov and well, there seem to be implications here. In the aforementioned deleted post I wrote about this topic I mentioned sense of belonging (Mitya belongs there after all) and affection/connection (everyone loves Alyosha) in opposition to being excluded (Smerdyakov is not a legitimate son) and being unable to connect with others (Ivan is an outcast due to the multiple reasons I went over in the previous paragraphs). Maybe I really should try writing it again.

Well, I think I'm done for now. I found it a little hard to separate the themes of part three from the ones of part four, because the latter will focus on Ivan's self-perception (among what happens from Book Eleven to the epilogue and other, more "medical", things) but we see how he perceives himself through the devil but the devil is not an actual real person in the book so I couldn't really include that here and in my mind the themes of these two parts kind of blended together so I had to to figure out where to break them apart.

This took longer than usual (which bothers me but oh well) because I had to take a break from pretty much everything (which is why lately many posts have been queued) for a while due to the February-March period always being whacky for me bipolar-wise, mostly because of the seasonal change (something that plays a huge role in this shitshow of a disorder and something I'll go over in part four because surprise surprise) that always makes me mentally and physically tired. All of this, which can be summarized with bipolar disorder bipolar disordering, to say that I hope this part isn't as messy as it seems to me and that I hope you can't tell I wrote it during a time I wasn't getting enough sleep (I swear I did my best given the circumstances), and if I "disappear" or interact less from time to time it's usually because of this kind of stuff. I'm still not getting enough sleep by the way so I might take a break from serious posts again, I love that daylight savings time happens during one of the worst seasonal changes of the whole year for me every year and it doesn't mess with my disorder at all.

It sure didn't help that I chose to make part three more complicated than the others thinking it wouldn't go in a completely different direction than I had originally planned and wouldn't therefore have to reorganize my thoughts during a period I simply couldn't do so; I will obviously be punished for my hubris. But until then I'll be working on part four (and some other unfinished stuff I have in my drafts and have no idea when I'll post), which will be the last part of my bipolar Ivan Karamazov essay.

[vera-deville]

Vera's Hauntober 2023

Day 4 - Candy Apples (Azul Ashengrotto)

09/18/2023

Pairing: Azul Ashengrotto x Reader

Word Count: 1,205

Warnings: None that I can think of!

Gender: AFAB

Taglist: @animusicnerd, @leonistic, @pyroxeene, @savanaclaw1996, @thequeenoffishburrito, @ellssbellss, @reshi-galaxy, @hanafubukki, @hitoshislover

"Y/N? What are you doing?"

Said girl was intently focusing on stabbing apples with wooden dowels. "Oh hey Azul! Right on time! C'mere, I've got a job for you."

Azul could only mentally prepare himself before being shoved an apron, an apple, and a wooden dowel of his own. "And what pray tell, am I to do with these?"

"Here," Y/N grabbed another apple and dowel. "You just stick the dowel into the middle of the apple like this, and then you set it onto this tray over here." Y/N pointed to a grey tray almost full of stabbed apples. "If the tray gets full, just grab another tray from that pile over there, clean it with a towel, and place parchment paper on it."

"Is there anything you'll be doing in particular with the apples after that, or are they just going to be apples on sticks?" Azul asked, trying to stick the dowel into his given apple.

Noticing his struggle, Y/N explained, "You're going to want to shove the dowel and not be afraid of damaging the apple. Like, really get it in there." Finally, Azul got the dowel into the apple. "I'm going to be dipping them in caramel after I finish the rest of these."

Curious to see how this would end up, Azul merely nodded along to what Y/N was saying.

"Actually, I have an even better idea! You stick the rest of the dowels in, while I get started on the caramel! I'll be done with this much sooner that I thought I would be!" Y/N moved the remaining apples and dowels to Azul's side of the table.

Azul simply watched Y/N prepare the caramel she mentioned, all while taking notes to this seemingly simple recipe. It didn't seem to have much to it, just apples and caramel, so how good could it possibly be? Not good enough for Mostro Lounge, he could guarantee that-

Pretty soon enough, Y/N had finished making the caramel, and Azul had finished inserting dowels into apples (which was a tad more arduous than he originally gave it credit for). Taking an apple by the dowel, Y/N gently sunk it into the pot of caramel, and turned it, making sure that the caramel coated all the sides before setting it back onto the tray to cool.

"This part takes the longest, because of a couple extra steps my family does." Y/N voiced with a reminiscent smile on her face. Azul hadn't heard her talk much about her family back from wherever she came from, so he let her continue.

"My grandma and I used to make caramel apples every year during autumn. She used to do it with her grandmother and mother, and her grandmother used to do it with her grandmother and mother, and it's just overall a very generational thing." Y/N pulled a bowl of chopped nuts and coated the apple she'd worked on with them.

"My grandmother and I were suckers for caramel apples. Everyone else in the family loved them too, of course, but no one was as crazy about them as us." Azul noticed Y/N added another layer of caramel to some of the apples.

"Why are you adding more caramel to some of them?"

"Like I said, I'm crazy for caramel apples~" Y/N said with a wink. "My grandmother and I would double a decent chunk of the apples, and then we'd eat absolutely nothing else. Of course, we'd coat some of them with nuts and candy and stuff, but the double-coated caramel apples were our favorites."

Azul could see the sadness in Y/N grin. Though she spoke of her memories happily, nostalgia peppering her face, there was an indescribable sadness that clouded her figure. It could be seen in the way she hunched over the table, making sure the caramel coated her apples just right. It could be seen in the way her eyes were glossed over, and shimmered when the light hit them just right.

He didn't know what brought on the sudden nostalgia, but whatever it was, he would be there for her. He could guarantee that much. Wordlessly grabbing an apple himself, he also joined in on the caramel coating process, finding it rather fun, though that may have mainly been attributed to Y/N's stories of her home.

One that she hadn't seen in so long, at that.

Eventually, the pair finished the caramel process, and Azul found the magicless NRC student beside him practically vibrating with joy, because they would now be tasting the caramel apples. "Since you helped me so much with this whole thing, you get to have first pick!" Seeing the crease in her smile, Azul couldn't help a genuine grin settle on his own face, opting for an nutty caramel apple.

As soon as he sunk his teeth into the gooey apple goodness, Azul did a double-take. What is this sorcery? Why is such a simple dish so ridiculously delicious? Surely there must be something he missed, because there was absolutely no way a mere apple coated with caramel and some nuts can taste this good-

"I take it that you like it?" Y/N asked with a smirk on her face (and caramel on her cheek).

"Ahem. It is...rather nice on the taste buds. Though slightly difficult to bite into, perhaps if they are offered with a plate of some sort to eat it with. Or perhaps they can be cut into slices and then coated with the caramel and toppings! Or..." Azul rambled on and on about different variations of the caramel apples, as Y/N watched with a loving smile on her face. She may not have been able to share this moment with her family, but this was just as nice.

"Y/N! What do you say to an exclusive contract where you supply Mostro Lounge (and only the Mostro Lounge) with caramel apples, and in return, you receive 35% of the profits?"

Y/N shook her head, chuckling to her self. "Make it 65%, and I'll think about it~"

Author's Note: When I first thought of the idea for this fic, I was super excited to write it. But then I actually started writing, and I realized that somehow I suddenly forgot how conversations worked? But eventually, I got into the swing of things, and was able to finish it.

See you in the next fic!

Masterlist Hauntober 2023 Masterlist

[heyiwrotesomethings]

Hi everybody! I’m mostly settled in back home and I’m feeling a lot more energized and ready to finish up those last few requests so I can go into September with a clean slate. Thank you all for your patience, it feels good to be back :D

Under the cut are some pictures from my trip for those who may be interested to see what I was up to.

Starting off strong with a black bear we saw on the side of the road! We saw 5 total I think. All while driving, which was be a theme for most of the animals we hoped to see on our trip. One of the scariest moments was when one bounded into the road in front of us. A very close call, but nobody (person or animal) was hurt. (Riding Mountain NP, Manitoba, Canada)

This elk silently strode right into our campsite one morning. I looked up and I had a heart attack because he emerged from the bushes like a reverse Homer Simpson. He was very chill though, went to go eat leaves in the little island surrounded by campsites. He came back the next morning too. You really don’t think about how big an elk is until the only thing separating you is a picnic table. (Prince Albert NP, Saskatchewan, Canada)

Bison, also seen on the side of the road while driving by. This was also the same place where I saw the beavers and because of that I think that’s why this place is ultimately my favorite from the whole trip. I’ve only seen one wild beaver in my life before I came here so getting to see a bunch chew and swim around made me very happy. Also, you could not pay me to get into the water there. Never mind the fact that they had a blue-green algae bloom, but they also had leeches that you could see swimming around just by looking in from the dock. Icky, but fun to watch. (Elk Island NP, Alberta, Canada)

Moose, also brought to you by simply driving down the road. Which is funny because we went on a trail that pretty much guaranteed you to see moose and we didn’t see a single one. But this one was just hanging out on the side of the road maybe 40/50km away from the critically acclaimed moose spot. She was the only moose we saw, and some people were disappointed to have not seen one with antlers, but I say better one than none. (Jasper NP, Alberta, Canada)

Jasper probably had the most cool views. Love me a mountain with a big ol’ glacier on it. There was a nice, cool wind that blew through this area almost constantly. (Jasper NP, Alberta, Canada)

Another elk, but this one was too cool not to share in my opinion. Another from the car shot as we left Jasper. He’s running with the mountains in the background and he’s got the biggest antlers I’ve ever seen. Super neat. (Jasper NP, Alberta, Canada)

Here’s a nice little artsy photo I took. We saw a lot of these purple flowers around and I think they’re really pretty, especially paired with the beautiful glacial waters and rugged mountains. Wish I could see views like this all the time. (Yoho NP, British Colombia, Canada)

I know this probably doesn’t look like much, but I think it’s so neat to look at. It’s a mountain that still has snow (maybe a very small glacier idk) on it but also has a little dune that looks like it belongs in the desert and a refreshing little stream curving around the rock. I took this photo while on a 10 mile (~16km) hike too much elevation gain and the down didn’t feel much better, but on those rare stretches of flat ground I felt like Rock Lee when he took off his ankle weights. Also, 10 mile hike up a mountain, barely any people around, you think we saw any animals? No. No we did not. (Yoho NP, British Colombia, Canada)

I think these birds are called Clark’s Nutcrackers if my quick googling is to be trusted. I thought they were really cute, but also kind of vicious. I saw one dive bomb a woman and steal a good chunk of her wrap/burrito. (Banff NP, Lake Louise, Alberta Canada)

A whole herd of big horn sheep seen while waking around the campground. Some of them looked really menacing. Really big horns and super buff. If one wanted to mess you up, it definitely could. Still really neat to see from a distance! We also checked out the hot spring nearby. Too hot for me, so I spent most of my time in the little cool pool, a refreshing 55F (~13C). (Kootenay NP, British Colombia, Canada)

[castlebyersafterdark]

“Do you really think that the dinner at the steakhouse was romantic? Sometimes I think that maybe they just wanted to go to some place where nobody could take photos”

imo, none of us can know anything for sure so yeah, however there are tons of places they can go to hang out and not be caught in camera, I’m sure many times the cast goes places they aren’t all caught on camera anyways, and since Noah has asked fans not to include him in pics before (like when a fan met millie and him) most likely to avoid internet backlash, it’s not like he can’t refuse to take pics etc you know?That said, an expensive steakhouse a lot of people go to for special occasions(one that says no photography in the dining room, but since i’ve seen many videos from people eating there filming their food and shit on tiktok, it’s not like they confiscate phones you know? so privacy can’t fully be guaranteed) , that is by reservation and has a dress code, is not like a regular place to go grab a casual friend meal, it suggests a level of planning and dressing up and stuff that is at least probably out of Finns usual wheelhouse(not so much for Noah since he is a bit of a foodie) ….. there’s no way to know, but it is a bit sus or else the fandom at large wouldn’t have had the reaction they did. I mean the fact they went from zero to “are they dating?” when the idea of foah has been so forbidden for years, tells me that something about it was enough to shake them into even considering it which is a pretty big step lol

All of this!!! I just think it's one of those things that if chosen to believe and add into the lore, fits more within the realms of a relationship than a casual friendship, because we as fans have the access to a collective of moments and movements. Since we've chosen to take an interest in the lives as the cast as a hobby, we can see the patterns. Maybe on paper - two dudes going to a nice restaurant together isn't entirely confirmation of something romantic. But, in the context of fans following their lives, in the timelines and observations we've made, for better or for worse, we can see which cast members hang out, with who, where and when. And we see certain cast doing certain activities. And sure, of course we don't see everything. We see very little. But for what we have seen, and if we take the infamous steakhouse as truth, in comparison to other moments we've seen between the cast - these two in particular at this specific setting... it adds up to our theory and supports the relationship angle.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Dear BPP, sorry if I'm overstepping but is there a reason you're not answering my asks about joining discussions on Jimin's mistreatment by Hybe to push Jungkook? Hybe is abandoning and sabotaging BTS to prop Jungkook is one narrative that is higher now due to recent events. Your opinion on this and how Armies narrative of sidelining Jimin is needed.

***

Hi Anon,

There's no real way for me to tell which asks are yours if you're anonymous. That said, if I get an ask I find interesting or don't mind answering, I usually will answer it. I'm bored of repeating myself though, I really don't need to read for the umpteenth time about how much Jimin is hated and how everyone close to him is out to get him; I'm tired of pointing out obvious things like how different labels managed each member's roll-out a.k.a HYBE America vs. ADOR vs. BigHit - a point that eliminates most of the conspiracy theories floating around about Jimin, Jungkook, and BTS; or pointing out how Jimin and BTS re-signed with BigHit early, twice. I'm tired of reminding people corporate interests are pretty straightforward, I'm tired of seeing the same impotent threats and complaints seven times over. The fandom has already imploded so every akgae claim about the fandom has become a self-fulfilling and self-reinforcing prophesy. And I've seen this movie play out before so it's pretty easy to tell where we're going from here.

A lot of people are generally myopic and predictable, and that hasn't changed in fandom spaces in decades. People here are having the same discussions they had last year, with themes that have been repeated every 2-3 years since BTS debuted. And I'm certain we'll be talking about the same things in 2025 and 2027, give or take some 'life event' chatter. None of the people here will ever really leave either. Because nobody who gets into BTS ever really leaves or moves on from them (whether they hate or love them), so these narratives no matter how repetitive, will never dramatically change. Each new person entering the fandom will pick up these narratives based on their pre-conceived notions, self-sorting into ARMYs and akgaes, and so the dueling narratives continue to persist for each new generation of fans. I can count on one hand the number of original ideas re: Jimin, jikook, Jung Kook, BTS, HYBE, k-pop, I've seen the last 12 months, and I'm not saying that to be condescending. I'm actually quite sad about it.

Anyway, all this to say Anon, I'm skipping those conversations because I've had those conversations before, already said my piece and would rather not repeat myself. You can still send your ask. I can't guarantee answering it but if I find it interesting, I might.

[brandwhorestarscream]

The team found the Allspark called it in, and they get carried off by Cybermorphs. They don't even get to call it in.

And the fact they're brought to the throne room given energon? They aren't touching it because clearly this is a trap.

And the way Team Prime is huddle togeather, ploting an escape, the Deceptacons are going "on noes the babies have something wrong with them!" Bonus if spark age most of them should still be sparkling or youngling fraims.

And Starscream just scoopes up one of them possibly swaddles because they're kicking and starts to feed them becaues babies need to eat.

These poor little sparklings must have been through hell if they won't even touch their energon 🥺 its possible they dont even really know how to eat by themselves. Starscream grabs the smallest one and, to stop his thrashing, swiftly wraps him up in the sticky, hyper-tough silk that morphs can mske (something I learned from the second movie I watched last night 😌), preventing too much wiggling and thrashing around. Don't want the baby to hurt himself, after all!

The other sparklings flock around him, clearly distressed at the way he's taken their friend away, tiny hands trying to scale his legs. He ignores them in favor of trying to get the one in his arms to sip from his cube of energon, but the sparkling is stubborn. Won't open his intake for anything

The morphs are at a loss, honestly. These sparklings have been surviving on their own for god knows how long: it makes sense they'd be wary or even afraid of strangers. But they must be hungry! They can't just let them starve! What are they going to do? 🥺

On the other side, Team Prime is actively living through a horror movie, kidnapped by these giant beastly things that keep grabbing them and shuffling them around, trying to get them to drink surely-poisoned energon. None have ever had contact with a cybermorph before--even Ratchet, who was present for the war. He was a field medic, primarily: he's seen the damage they can do but never actually had the misfortune of facing one. Pretty much no one has: if you run into a morph, it's all but a guaranteed death, so they have nothing to go on. They have no concept of what a sparkling is, so they've no idea why the morphs are babying them and not eating them. It's so bizarre

[sisterdivinium]

I always find it amusing how some people seem to be earnestly shocked by how not every viewer falls in love with Ava from the get go or how some don't really like her at all.

Disliking a main character is not a moral flaw, nor is it a novelty in the history of humans reacting to stories. There are no rules pertaining to how an audience must be fond of a protagonist. Different people like different things, as the saying goes, and, regardless of whether the title of the show is "goofy" or not (it was Forbes' Paul Tassi that deemed it so, if memory serves right), some of us were reeled in by it and expected what it says on the tin rather than following a reluctant hero for a handful of episodes while she avoids precisely that same narrative we might have initially signed up for.

It's both a matter of expectations and values; I've said somewhere before that JC's gang is unbearable to me also because I find no common ground with characters who embody a lifestyle I have seen up close and strongly rejected. They remind me of people I loathed and who certainly loathed me back. Subjective? Entirely, even though I also object to them as characters given how mind-numbingly dull and superficial they appear to me, as they are presented in the show (flat characters instead of round, if you want to E.M. Forster it, but so flat, so thin, that they might be ripped apart any moment). JC's speech on institutions is all pretty and commendable, but it sounds empty when the big middle finger he and his companions are giving to a higher social class is... The remarkable "cause" of crashing at their places so kids can get high on drugs in raves around Europe, apparently. His professed idealism doesn't really go beyond words -- and it's hard to sympathise with that.

Of course anyone could say the OCS also boasts of void discourses, ultimately meaningless words that deform reality, obscure it, manipulate it (the halo bearer, the gift, worth, God, grace, faith...) and they would be justified in their protestation seeing as the church's words are proven to be hollow as the story progresses. I won't argue with you there.

Yet this is thematically relevant considering the show's title. That is what I had hoped to see when I first hit play on the initial episode some time in 2021 (I'm neither of the "original" fans who watched WN as soon as it came out nor of the post-s2 crowd). So when Ava momentarily chooses that other lot, that other nucleus over this one, it almost led me to choose another show (and I have friends who did, despite my guarantees that it would pick up the pace quickly enough).

Now, none of this is meant to point fingers or judge people who loved Ava from the start or even those who might have a soft spot for JC's gang. The only thing this little text aims to accomplish is to explain how we all watch the same thing but wearing different pairs of lenses -- and that is a quality rather than a disadvantage. It means Warrior Nun can speak to all sorts of different people with different interests, values and sympathies, and it once more demonstrates how foolish Netflix's decision to cancel a show with so much potential reach was.

And, if you must know, I came round on Ava later on thanks to the powerhouse that is Alba Baptista's portrayal of her, allied with the clever writing I was treated to in season two.

If the power to change a viewer's opinion and feelings over a character she had disliked doesn't speak to the sheer talent of the people involved in a project, on and off-screen, I really do not know what else could serve as a higher compliment to everyone that brought it to life.

[usmsgutterson]

THE HALLOWEEK OF HURT: DAY TWO

All The Love In the World Doubled and returned back To You- J.F x gn! tidemaker! sun summoner! reader

Okay! This second fic is pretty much just me using one of my favorite tropes and overpowering the reader just a bit! I wanted to write at least one fic for at least four of the crows so this is a Jesper fic for day two of the second year of this event and also the second year where a Kaz fic came out day one and a jesper fic came out day two!

The reader does go through pregnancy near the end but because this fic is general neutral I used gender neutral terms (birthing parent and otherwise gn language with the regard to the pregnancy) and if you don't like that, skedaddle pls n thanks. I don't need you here to bitch at me about my word choices when my only goal with them was to be inclusive and not exclusionary.

Fic type- this is angst

Warnings- none

SIXTEEN

Dearest Jesper,

I do not know how long it has been since I last wrote to you, nor do I know how long it has been since I last received your response. Things like days kind of blend in together and have been doing so since I lost track of the pocket watch I bought while I was in Novyi Zem before I volunteered to join the fighting.

It's looking like the war is going to end, but I'm not so sure. Alina says it's basically a guarantee given that the Darkling doesn't have much left to lose, and they plan to storm the Fold in two weeks time.

I am among the ranks of those storming in, given my apparent talent with building tsunamis. I don't understand particularly how my skills will be relevant--the Shadow Fold is a dry place to be in. Any moisture I can steal from the air will have my skin drier than it is during Ravkan winters, and it must be impossible to build a tsunami in the dark--but people are telling me they are and I'm too exhausted to do anything but believe them.

Nina is still missing in accordance with what Zoya tells me, but I've got friends in Kerch. I hear she's there, having put away a Fjerdan slaver. She's meant to be awaiting trial if such is the case, or maybe she's already gone through it. I don't know much of Nina other than what I hear in whispers, but I know indeed that I miss her.

I miss Novyi Zem, too. Before I volunteered and joined Zoyas regiment, I was there--you remember that much. We met in the last few months before you left for uni. You're in Kerch now, too, so you tell me. Is Nina there? Are the whispers I've heard of her anything more than a rumor? Did she join the Dregs as you have?

Write if you are still alive so that I can at least know you're standing,

All the love in the world,

Y/N L/N, soldier of the Fifty-Sixth regiment of the Second Army and honorary member of the Soldat Sol, Tidemaker and creator of (small and non-lethal) tsunamis (waves that are barely as tall as I am)

--

Dear Y/N L/N of Second Army Regiment Fifty-Six, Honorary Member of the Soldat Sol, Tidemaker and Creator of Non-Lethal Tsunamis,

It's been six weeks, love. I wondered if you'd gotten moved around as I hadn't heard from you and I didn't write because I didn't want the letter going to the wrong place if you had.

For the record--about your friend, Nina, nothing has been heard of her yet. I'll write to you the moment anything is, and I've told Kaz to be on the lookout for the girl you've described as your friend.

I hope you find her, though. Losing friends to the war is not something that I imagine to be particularly easy.

You're going into the Fold? I wish you luck. I do think you'd be able to send a tsunami so large it competes with the sheer height of the Darklings creation directly to where he finds himself standing, but that's just because I've seen what you can do, and I know how much you value your ability to do what you can.

I wish you luck relentlessly and I do hope that the included gift--a tidal wave charm on a chain of silver--does not feel too obvious or like a mockery of your talents. The waves must be lucky to you at least a little, and I should hope that I have provided a lucky charm if lucky charms are something Tidemakers value, like other Grisha are said to value the amplifiers they claim for themselves.

I am indeed alive and indeed still standing, darling. I have not forgotten you yet,

All of the love in the world doubled and returned back to you,

Jesper Fahey, resident gunslinger of the Dregs, friend and flirt of person who can build tsunamis as tall as they are, and lover of bourbon iced tea

EIGHTEEN

Dearest Jesper,

I know I promised you that I would come to Kerch in the springtime, and I am sorry that I have not found the time to do so yet! Since the incident at the Fold, Alinas death, and the whole thing about learning how to manage being an Etherealki who can both summon water and the sun, it's just been a lot to manage.

I've started accelerated classes to speed things up and will be going to Ketterdam University in the fall, so although I cannot see you again during the spring, we'll have the next four years together. I am to live on campus, and according to a couple of the Grisha I've met who came from Ketterdam, the University isn't far from all of the local hotspots--gambling dens, restaurants on the harbor, bookshops and cafes and bars-- and just thinking of it all is making me so excited!

Nikolai is insistent that I claim an amplifier, but I don't think I need one. I think that having one would make me the next saint, and I can't stand the thought of that. I worked with Alina enough to see how much damage that can do and I've repeatedly expressed that I have no interest in it.

You expressed excitement of a heist in your last letter and I'm assuming you're on that heist now, so don't worry when you come home and find that this letter has been waiting for you for days or weeks. I just want to get a response, no matter how long that takes--when you get this, tell me that you're well, that you've gotten the money you were promised.

I miss and love you hopelessly, my dear,

Y/N L/N, former soldier of the Second Army in regiment Fifty-Six, lover of Jesper Fahey and his guns and the handsome smirk he seems to always be wearing

--

Dearest love,

I know you said not to, but I am still going to express my apologies for how late this response is coming--the heist was at the Ice Court and it turned out to be a lot of trouble! I've made it out safe, though, and I got my cut of the money too, which is amazing!

I was thinking that I would come to visit you for a while and then we could travel to Ketterdam together? I've never really been to Ravka and I think that spending the summer there could be a bit of fun! Inej has to go that way anyway so I wouldn't even have to pay for a boat ticket, and she'll be there hunting slavers for a week or two so the two of you could meet.

I would love for you to meet her, honestly--you two would get along like a house on fire and that is one of few things lately of which I find myself doubtless.

I love you hopelessly and undoubtingly in return,

Jesper Fahey, lover of his spouse, slinger of gun, recovering gambling addict and drinker of bourbon ice tea

TWENTY

Jesper most beloved,

Today, on what has to be the warmest day I've experienced during our time in Cofton, I'm writing this to you because I do not know how otherwise to say it.

There are still wars being fought in Ravka. I was discharged two years ago so that I could have some time away from the Civil War, to figure out who I wanted to be and where I wanted to go in the aftermath of the death of a saint, the gift of a second small science, and the death of a man who would've swathed the whole country in an endless night if he could've summoned all of the power necessary to do it.

When Nikolai discharged me, I told him he could call on me again if he needed my help in the fighting.

I received correspondence from him this morning asking--pleading with me, to go. I have not written back but I think I will say yes, and I wish I could get the courage to say this to you directly, but I can't.

Writing it out has always been easier for me because that has been our primary means of conversation as long as we've known each other, and for that I know I am a coward and if you hate me for it, I do not blame you. I never have and I never, ever will.

I am writing this to you while waiting for the boat. I intend to travel back to Ravka just to get a taste of home again and if I am again approached about going to the frontlines--it's like I said. I might just tell Nikolai yes.

All of the love in the world,

Y/N L/N, former (and perhaps future) soldier of the Second Army, lover of Jesper Fahey and his handsome face, summoner of sun and tide

--

Dearest Y/N, Holder of my Heart,

If I were as patriotic as you, I might've considered doing the same, so I don't blame you for it even if it was a bit of a dumb and rash decision--I've made enough of those to last a lifetime so I don't care that you've gone back to the battle fields in the way that you think I probably do.

Let me rephrase--that last bit came out terribly wrong!

I do care about it, I just--I respect your patriotism and all I care about at the end of the day is that you come home. I want you to come back to me because I worried enough about losing one of my closest friends in the civil war, and I cannot bare the thought of losing the love of my life to people as buff as Matthias and his big Fjerdan biceps. Not now that we are as we have been. I have loved you helplessly since we met when I was fifteen and you were sixteen. I cannot bare the thought of losing you now that both of us have lived past nineteen years old.

You remember the pact we made during the war, don't you? If we made it to twenty together, we'd be married by twenty-five. House somewhere in the city by thirty, settled down and content with each other by fifty one.

I, as your ridiculously handsome boyfriend of three years, am holding you that. I'll be back in Ketterdam on the day we would've returned together--same address as usual. Write to me, tell me where you're stationed so that I can send the proper correspondence to the proper place. I love you so much, Y/N, and I will never stop.

All of the love in the world doubled and returned back to you,

Jesper Fahey, gunslinger for the Dregs, lover of the would-be saint (if they let anyone dare try to turn them into such), person who is so foolishly in love that he may or may not be planning how to propose to you the moment you return home from leave

TWENTY-TWO

Y/N, Holder of my Heart,

I am not usually the one who does the checking-in but I do worry of you and I know I've sent you a letter already detailing everything everyone has been up to, but I didn't focus much on myself and that feels something like a travesty because in your last letter, all that you seemed to want to hear about was me. I hope that, if such is still the case, this ramble brings to you one of your ethereal smiles that I've loved so much over the past years.

I'm good--the cats are good. All is well within our home, we just miss you desperately.

I proposed when you were on leave in December last year, and every time I think of that memory I smile a little because I know that, when you come home, I'm going to get to marry you. Y/N Fahey has a really, really nice ring in my opinion, and the more I think about it the nicer it starts to sound.

Things are well with me, and it's just very important to me that you know that, all right? I love you and the reason that this letter is so short is because I have a job to do for Kaz (who sends you well wishes in the Kaz Brekker-iest way ever) but I hope it communicates how I feel about you nonetheless.

Yours forever,

All the love in the world,

Jesper Fahey, resident gunslinger for the Dregs, soon-to-be husband of person who summons sun and tide and is a soldier in Regiment Fifty-Six of the Second Army, currently stationed on Fjerdan soil and fighting at the front lines, lover of Y/N L/N, holder of my heart and keeper of my soul

TWENTY-FOUR

Husband of mine,

it's been a while since I last heard from you. I haven't heard from you in three months--not since I returned to the fighting from my leave. You promised me that I would receive correspondence within that week, if I'm thinking correctly, and you're not the type who breaks their promises so I'm worried.

Where are you, Jesper? Are you okay? I don't even care if you're in prison--prison sentences are to be expected with your status as someone in the Dregs, but if this letter is sitting on a desk somewhere, unopened, I hope that whomevers desk it lands upon reaches out and tells me what's happened to you.

All of the love in the world,

Y/N L/N, lieutenant in the Second Army under Regiment Fifty-Six, lover of Jesper Faheys handsome face, summoner of sun and tide

--

Jes,

It's me again. Six more weeks have gone by without a word. Are you all right? Is everything okay?

I miss you, love.

Another minute of this silence and I might just find myself drowning within it. Even just a simple 'I'm okay, and everything is fine' would suffice it well enough. I just need to hear from you, Jesper. Please.

Y/N L/N, Lieutenant in the Second Army under Regiment Fifty-Six, lover of Jesper Faheys handsome face but hater of this sudden silence, summoner of tide and sun

--

Dearest,

so much time has passed.

Where are you, my love?

Where have you gone?

All of the love in the world doubled and given to you,

Y/N L/N, Lieutenant in the Second Army under Regiment Fifty-Six, lover of Jesper Faheys handsome face and distainful of this sudden silence, summoner of sun and tide.

--

Y/N L/N,

Hi! It's been a while. I'm sure you've recognized by the handwriting that it is not Jesper writing this letter. We've met a few times now--this letter was written by Inej Ghafa and I am writing it to extend to you my condolences.

Jesper was killed on a heist in Novyi Zem. He kept the letters you wrote on his person with the intent to respond to your last few when he returned, but we couldn't get to a healer fast enough. It is to my understanding that your twenty-fifth birthday is soon? If you can get the leave, I would recommend going to Cofton, where Jespers father is holding his funeral in October. I will be in attendance and so I will see you there,

Captain Inej Ghafa of The Wraith, Hunter of Slavers, longtime friend of Jesper Fahey

TWENTY FIVE

"You miss him?" Inej asked as soon as she saw your face. It was puffy from crying, which you'd done the entirety of the boat ride over, with the only exceptions of that being when you were asleep.

Your hand was laying over a subtly pregnant stomach, which made Inejs stomach lurch. Jesper had never mentioned anything about a pregnancy--had you even told him? It brought so many questions, none of which Inej would ask until the time was right.

"A lot more than one would think," you said, hugging her tightly as she opened her arms and pulled you in. "Saints, I knew that grieving would hurt but fuck it all if this isn't terrible."

She laughed lightly. "Well, we're in luck! The Fahey residence is thirty minutes out on foot. Fifteen if you've done the walk dozens of times in the past two days and know the best shortcuts."

You let her take your hand, let her lead you back to Colms farm and silently cried as you moved. The loss of Jesper was one you never thought you would've had to face--and if you had, you wouldn't have faced it for far longer than the measly nine years during which you'd known one another--but you were facing it. You could do no more than face it.

When eventually you arrived and pushed past the open front door and to the kitchen, you found Colm. He saw you and grinned.

"Got 'em home safe, Ms. Ghafa?"

Inej grinned back. "They were Jespers beloved. Anything less and he would've crossed the ocean to haunt me, I'm sure."

She let you go, grinning at you slightly as she approached Kaz, who was standing outside, watching Matthias dig Jespers gravesite.

That left you with Colm, who offered you tea and a tissue to dab at your tears.

"He'll be buried next to his mother," he said. "Where he belongs, of course--other than with you and alive and everything."

You nodded. "If you don't mind--"

"The house is to be yours when I can no longer maintain it," he said. "I plan to be buried next to my wife, and I take no issue with you being buried next to your husband. He loved you dearly, Y/N."

"And I loved him in turn," you said. "Oh--this isn't supposed to be easy, is it?"

"No," Colm said. "And it's not gonna be, but I as sure as the saints wish it could be less difficult."

You sighed. "It's not going to get much easier, is it?"

"Nah," Colm said. "Not in my experience, anyway. You picked a name?"

You glanced down to your stomach impulsively as you felt your child give a slight kick.

"Jesper was as insistent that we call him Colm as he was that the baby is a boy," you said, laughing slightly. "He wanted us to use your name at least as a middle name, but I didn't think you'd like it. He settled for it being an initial, if my memory and the letters exchanged serves me right."

"You're done with the military, I take it?"

"Nearly five months along, so I'm done for now," you said. "The plan is to move to Ketterdam. Kaz has secured Jespers old flat and I'll be moving in there, raising his child in the spot Jesper loved so much. I don't know more than the specifics Inej has sent me but I know that, and I'm grateful for it. Good to know he had a family to back him up while I was off being a patriot thousands of miles away."

Colm shook his head. "You're not blamin' yourself, are ye?" He asked. "Cause you shouldn't. It's not your fault--it's nobodies fault but the people who killed him. We do what we can, Y/N."

"We do what we can," you repeated, taking a sip of your tea.

You repeated the words to yourself internally, unknowingly giving yourself something of a mantra on which you would come to rely for strength.

--

Hours passed. You slept a bit to recover from your exhaustion of the journey, and at sundown you found yourself standing side by side with the people Jesper called his friends, one of your own friends holding tightly to your hand.

Nina was on your right, Kaz on your left.

"Jesper told me about--" Kaz said, gesturing to the bump with one ungloved hand. The other held tightly to his cane.

"He told you but not me?" Inej asked. "Or Nina? Not even Wylan?"

"I knew," Wylan said. "I think he was waiting for the right time to tell us, but a bit too much bourbon iced tea one night and he was rambling off at the mouth about baby names. It was hilarious."

"Nearly all of the money Jesper got from the heists was sent to an offshore account that Y/N was to be given access to when they went on leave. As the birthing parent, he felt it was more important for them to have the money when they needed it. I just couldn't give them access to the account because of how much has gone on in the past month."

"Is there a point to this?" You asked. "It's bad enough that I have to bury my husband, Mr. Brekker, that the father of my child is dead. I cannot bare a minute more of your rambling so please get on with it."

"Yourself and your child are under Dregs protection," Kaz said. "Jesper left a couple of loose ends which I am in the process of tying on his behalf, but given your status as one of the worlds most powerful Grisha, I figured that it was a necessity. Especially if you are to live in Ketterdam. I know that you can defend yourself perfectly well, Mx. Fahey, but it is just a precaution, and it is one Jesper left in his will."

"I thank you for that, then," you said. "Thank you for all that you have done."

"There's a saying among the Dregs," Kaz said. "No mourners. The response is no funerals. Jesper left a couple of mourners behind, though, and one of them will never meet him. This is the least I could've done."

You glanced at Jespers body. Knelt down to it and forced yourself to stand again so as not to collapse against him and start crying.

His eyes were open. How long had they been open?

"Might I have a minute?" You asked. "I just need the one--please."

Slowly, the people that Jesper called his family left your side.

You knelt down to Jesper again, pressed a kiss against the stiff skin of his forehead.

"I know you cannot come back to us," you whispered. "And I know that I might never see you again, but I do hope we will reunite in the next life. Peace be granted to your soul and joy be granted to your heart, my love. All of the love in the world doubled and returned to you forevermore as you wait for our reunion."

You closed his eyes, tears flooding your own as Matthias approached, he and Colm lowering Jespers body to the ground.

You turned away from them, letting Nina and Inej hug you as tightly as they could manage as Kaz stood off to your left, nodding at you once as your gaze met his.

It was an acknowledgement--a promise.

You have lost him, and we have lost him, and I will make his killers pay the price, said the nod.

You could only hope that he would do so as Nina and Inej lead you back inside.

TWENTY-SIX

Dearest Jesper,

writing this letter almost feels a little pointless, honestly. I know I'm not going to send it anywhere, but writing it is all I can think to do right now, so here I am.

Kaz got the revenge I wanted to get on my behalf, to start. He returned to Ketterdam clean and when I asked after I put the baby down for a nap, he told me everything. The men who killed you have paid for it with their own deaths, my love, and that much means I can rest just a tad bit easier.

Speaking of the baby, our daughter, Rozaliya, is amazing. She has your eyes, the quartz gray I loved for so long, and she has your laugh and she cannot sit still if it would save her life, so there is no doubt in my mind that she is your daughter. You would've loved her, I know.

We've been living in Ketterdam since I was five months pregnant and even for your talents as a fabrikator, I believe she might grow up to be like her birthing parent, who can summon the sun.

Your friends come round to help a lot, and speaking of, did you ever anticipate Kaz Brekker as the type to be good with kids? He can make Rozaliya laugh within two seconds flat, I swear it. Inej is a lucky woman, though not as lucky as I was with you.

She and Kaz come around a lot and Wylan does, too. Plays the flute and the piano--without Wylan Van Eck, our apartment would be without music, and that I know for sure, as despite the recent invention of gramophones, I have not yet found the time to purchase one.

Matthias sings her lullabies and Nina is so full of stories about you that it's nearly a shock, but I love it all so much more than words can express. With them, I have a life full of joy and I find myself wishing daily that you were here to experience it with me.

Jesper, my love, I hope that you are resting easily and I hope that you will continue to. All of the love in the world doubled and given to you,

Y/N L/N, former lieutenant of Second Army Regiment Fifty-Six (and current owner of the Faheys Books bookstore on Fifth Harbor), spouse of Jesper Fahey and lover of him and his handsome face, parent of his child, and summoner of sun and tide

P.S:

I will love you forever, Mr. Fahey, even if you wrote in your will to tell me to move on. Some part of me will always hold onto the part of you I loved, even if my heart finds the love of someone new. I do hope that such is something within which you take solace.

[toournextadventure]

I just want to say that your fics make me want to create big families in my fics! 🖤 Any tips for someone wanting to write that but doesn’t have a big family irl?

- 🎸

You're darn right I've got tips! Just remember this is all from my own personal experiences with my big family, and we're honestly a pretty odd bunch, but I feel like it's fairly universal for some things! Also, none of these are requirements for big families, you could probably write anything and it would be accurate for a big family. (I'll put some tips/info under the cut so I don't clog y'all's feed)

Picture the most chaotic situation you've been in. Now multiply it by 10. Every get together is chaos, whether good or bad. Everyone is talking over each other, people are getting lovingly bullied, siblings are going to threaten each other with the most heinous things you can possibly imagine. This is normal, this is a love language, let it happen

Someone is always going to have their feelings hurt for one reason or another. They got talked over at dinner. They roasted their sibling and then said sibling roasted them back. Everyone is ganging up on them to roast them. They're the one who has to sit in the middle of the couch instead of on either side. Very rarely is it for a "genuine" reason, and they get over it after guilt tripping everyone about whatever they're upset about

If they have any sort of good relationship with each other, they are Ride. Or. Die. Even if they don't talk or see each other all that often. They would literally go to jail for their sibling(s) if it truly came down to it. Obviously if it was something ridiculous they would go "no officer, I've never seen them before in my life," but in a genuine emergency? They would be there, no hesitation, hands down

Let. Them. Be. Assholes. Full stop

Parents have favourites! Not in a "I'm going to neglect the others" kind of way (unless that's the writing route you're going, of course), but in a "no I don't have favourites, yes I would only bail this one child out of jail" kind of way. And they don't always have the same favourite kid. More often than not, the kid is painfully aware that they're the favourite. The siblings will bully them for it until they cry

If we're talking extended family, there will be so much gossip. (My family for example), my two uncles were in jail for half of their lives. One of my uncles is a certified Whore™️. My aunt has been divorced twice, each time to literally the same man. We discovered only 5 years ago that we have secret family members somewhere because back in the 40s and 50s they were born out of wedlock and put up for adoption. If you think of something that would be juicy and think "hmm, that seems too out there" it's not. It's literally not. Write it, because I guarantee it has happened to some big family somewhere

Learning Secret History™️ is a rite of passage as the kids/grandkids/etc. get older. This does not happen all at once, it happens in stages. When they turn 18, when they're settled adults, when they finally have kids/get married. This Secret History™️ will reveal itself suddenly, and no one will even know how to react to it, and everything will go on as normal as if nothing had even happened

Depending on the family, family game nights are a thing! My family plays CoD zombies or Jackbox Games (usually). Let them have a game night on the instances where they're all finally together. And during that game night? They will be just shy of shedding blood. There's screaming, accusations of cheating, paranoia that everyone is ganging up against you (they are). Family does not exist during game night, only victory

End of the day? Let them love each other. They might not always verbalise an "I love you," but they will show it. We make each other lunch if we're already cooking. We share our snacks. We exist in the same room. We literally go into each others' room, mess something up, and leave without saying a word. But when it really matters, they say "I love you" because they do love each other