#because i am theirs whichever way i am and there is nothing they can do about it

[theonethatwatchesalotofshows]

Hello there! Totally random but I've been watching Dawson's Creek and had a hot take and needed to share, and you have some of the best hot takes about these shows so I'd though I'd bother you with it lol sorry.

Granted, I haven't finished the show yet, I've seen til the season 3 finale, so this might be proven wrong by later seasons, but I've been thinking this for 3 seasons straight - Is it just me or is it completely and visibly Gail and Mitch's fault Dawson is Like That? Like, yeah, there are a lot of scenes of just Dawson complaining about his parents' relationship, but honestly? He's kind of justified! Their relationship is a mess, and they always put their son in the middle, and the drama was so needless and repetitive that by their S3 wedding they were even more boring a relationship than Dawson and Joey. And whenever he tries to bring it up with them, it's framed like he's just in the way of them being happy (whether that means being together or apart, whichever they're feeling like that week). It's not really any wonder that he has such a messed up relationship with Joey, because watching his parents, sure, why wouldn't he think he can treat her any way he wants and she'll still want him and they'll be "meant to be"? Works for Mitch and Gail! Not to mention, all their parenting consists of is telling him what a special and perfect boy he is (correct me if I'm wrong but I think the only time they "discipline" him is having him work at their family restaurant?). Once again, no wonder he gets such a protagonist complex and thinks he should always get his way and whines when he doesn't.

Dam, this show is just a mess... Every character either starts great and is completely assassinated or forgotten about (Joey, Andie, Jen, ...) or starts badly and is given a redemption arc bc the writers realized the actor can act (Pacey, Jack) or is barely even a character, just a plot device at the whims of the writers (Dawson). Anyways, this is all just because I've heard for years before watching the show about how Dawson is the worst and actually watching the show has me thinking Mitch and Gail might really be the worst. Sorry for the rant! But I needed to share this with someone. What do you think? Am I totally off base here or does this actually make sense?

Hi! No worries, you don't bother me, I love hot takes (unless they're extremely stupid lol).

My hot take is that Dawson is not the antichrist as most of the fandom tried to paint him. Is he annoying and whiny? Sure, but what teenager isn't. Now that I think about it, maybe the reason the fandom hates him so much is because they see themselves in him and they don't like it? Just a thought.

You are so right about his parents though! People like to say: "Dawson has nothing to complain about, all other characters have it worse". Sure, Dawson's parents are not dead (at the beginning), in jail, physically abusive, mentally ill or didn't ship him off to live with his grandma, but that doesn't mean they are perfect. They put him in the middle of their messed up marriage and fighting. No 15-year-old should know about their parents' sex life and that his mother is having an affair. I also think they were too chill and let him get away with too much, like you said. But that's in almost every American show. I can't imagine talking to my parents the way teenagers on tv talk to theirs, that's not just a Dawson thing. It might have something to do with how the actor plays Dawson perhaps?

As for the character assassinations, I feel like the problem is that the writers mold the characters to whatever they need in the moment rather than having consistent characterization and letting conflict naturally arise from that. That's why the characters contradict each other a lot and seem to change so much (I still maintain that Andie cheating on Pacey was completely ooc). Also what bothers me is that the writers rewrite history a lot in order to be able to recycle old plot lines. The best example of this is how Pacey underwent such a great character development while he was with Andie only for it to be erased so he can undergo it again with Joey. When he told Joey: "I have never gotten an A before" I rolled my eyes because he literally had the same storyline with Andie like two seasons before! It's like in season 2 the writers wanted us to root for Pacey and Andie, but in season 3 and 4 they changed their minds so they ruined Andie's character to make room for Pacey and Joey. But then in season 5 they decided: "scratch that, Joey and Dawson it is" so they erased all Pacey's development again and had Joey pine for Dawson again.

A bit off topic but I thought it related to what you said about the characters. I don't think Dawson is the worst. He was annoying but I feel like he got progressively less and less annoying as the show went on. Joey is a different story. I could rant more about that but it's a very unpopular opinion since everyone on here loves Joey.

[dyed-red]

phyn! happy wincest wednesday! I am thinking about how Sam and Dean are both not great at sharing their feelings. they're inconsistent and bottle everything up until they blow up at each other. do you have anything to share about FEELINGS and the ways the brothers are similar, and different, in how they handle theirs? not sure where I'm going with this but have at 'er

mmmmmmm feelings. they taste so good when they're all suppressed and thorny. this is all opinion and initial thoughts and a super long post but here we go:

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Similarities

Compartmentalization is the big one, to me. Although there are some differences in what and how they compartmentalize, both of them are masters at it. Dean is a bit more blunt about this, especially early on, although I'd argue the pendulum sort of swings at a certain point and we've got Sam with more boxes of unacknowledged shit he's placed in carefully organized rows down in the depths somewhere.

they're also both far more likely to use problem-focused coping, sam especially in the early seasons despite how he tries to get others to acknowledge their emotions. from seasons 1-4, at least, possibly including s5, sam's main (only?) coping skill is to Solve The Problem. this often looks like identifying the issue, researching it, finding a solution, committee 200% to that solution no matter how insane it might be, and putting that plan in motion.

(see: driving the impala into a derelict house in the pilot, the entire episode of Faith, the way he throws himself at finding dad and then at the yellow-eyed demon all to the detriment of saving others and his own life until dean pulls him back from whichever ledge it happens to be this week, the way he approaches the special kids stuff, then the entirety of season 3, and especially how this manifests in both mystery spot and the period we see in 'i know what you did last summer' when dean was dead, and it's part of what makes him so susceptible to ruby who promises solutions, and part of how he ends up rationalizing blood drinking and the kill lilith at all costs attitude)

and i put this under similarities because while dean is actually honestly genuinely better at emotion-focused coping than sam is in those early seasons, he is very solution-oriented in how he tries to approach feelings and emotional issues. this is most especially true for the big things as well: he wants to solve sam's grief in season 1 and he wants to do it by throwing him at women, he decides to solve sam's death by selling his own soul, he even attempts to (re)solve dad's orders to kill sam if needed by trying to convince sam that they should maybe give up hunting early in s2 (it's a weak and half-hearted attempt but worth noting).

and then of course there is just straight-up suppression. play through the pain, push it down and let it come out through bouts of alcoholism and violence, Do Not Talk About It even if you acknowledge its impact on you (sam and his grief over jess, both of them over john's death, dean eventually and his time in hell). this is different than compartmentalization in that it's there on the surface in a huge way and it's plain as day and you know it and acknowledge it but there's nothing you can do about it so you just sort of ignore it and refuse to sit with it or talk about it and just... continue existing with this wound bleeding inward or outward.

(see: getting angry and breaking things, being reckless or self-destructive and endangering self and others, etc. this is not a tactic that works. this is bottle up and explode.)

distractions is one i should mention here too, as one of their core (more healthy and adaptive) emotion-focused coping strategy, but i'm tempted to talk about it more under differences because they have really different distraction methods except for one. they both use fresh/new hunts to distract themselves from whatever it is that is causing them stress or pain.

Differences

continuing on the thread of distractions, dean uses media and escapism through narrative in a way sam simply Does Not. dean watches scooby-doo and horror movies and explicitly says he enjoys the escape and knowing that the bad guy is going to lose in the end. he references books and quotes them far more frequently than sam, everything from aesop to vonnegut, and we know that he loves music quite a bit, probably part of how he drowns out reality or escapes from it when he needs to.

in general, i think dean also dissociates more than sam does. this is integral in some of that 'dean as object' stuff. he separates himself from his physical body and steps behind it and away, so that what is happening to his body isn't happening to him, often when a monster or demon is threatening and implying some sexual violence.

conversely i think sam rationalizes and medicalizes a fair amount. he wants to understand and be able to explain (at least to himself) what his emotions are and what he's going through, because / as if the ability to understand and explain it provides a degree of power over it. sam craves control, and rationalizing affords illusory control over his emotions, allowing him to convince himself he has mastery over those feelings even when he's in fact very off the rails and being dragged around by his emotions like a dog on a leash.

this tends to mean that sam is up in his head explaining and re-explaining his own shit to himself until he's got a handle on it, and dean is out of his head escaping.

sam uses distractions as well, as i said with a new hunt, and with reading the lore. the lore thing is two-fold though -- it provides a sense of control over things again, illusory or real, because that knowledge can help in a pinch, even if it's not related to a current case. so he can kind of convince himself he's reading for work or for a present problem or that it will be helpful, even when he's using it as a distraction.

sam also somatizes more, i think, which is when your psychological stresses manifest in your physical body. we're dipping a little into headcanon territory here but i picture him as someone more prone to headaches and stomach aches than dean as a result of stress and anxiety (dean's stomach aches are earned through eating food he shouldn't have).

i connect this partly to sam's clean living/eating/exercising more as time goes on, although that is also about control. much like reading the lore 'just in case' and developing encyclopedic knowledge of things they may encounter no matter how far-fetched, eating well and exercising affords a small advantage against monsters.

exercising as a coping mechanism more general can also be a way to distract oneself and is a good emotion-focused coping mechanism when used to get restless energy out and improve one's mood. i think sam does use exercise adaptively and healthily like this and it's generally good for him, but yeah that it can and does tend toward obsessive control/coping sometimes.

something i think they do in different ways is also their problem- and emotion-focused approach to 'tend and befriend'. we can cope with our own shit sometimes by getting out of our own heads and focusing on others instead -- helping them with their problems or giving them stuff or just generally socially connecting with laughter and fun.

on this, sam likes to find a person experiencing a problem, get them to open up, provide empathy or offer words of support, and in so doing, stop focusing or worrying so much about his own shit. he does this with dean but also with victims on cases and gets more out of hearing about their issues and offering them advice/support than dean does. dean will engage in the practice too, but it doesn't emotionally feed him the way it does with sam, who processes his own emotions through empathizes with others, and dean does it out of necessity more than anything.

in contrast, dean likes to solve another person's problems for them (see: trying to throw sam at women) or distract himself by hearing about what is going on with others (see: asking cas to distract him when crowley and gadreel are co-possessing sam). solving their shit allows him to stop worrying about it or allows him space to process his stuff, potentially by hearing about theirs and having his own churn themselves along alongside the other person's, or in the meantime.

relatedly, dean also tends to mother hen others, and in so doing he uses caretaking as a means of coping with his own shit. this is part of dean's illusory control methods, because it affords him the sense that he's doing a job and if he does it right then things will be okay. he engages in caretaking by identifying and meeting the needs of others, and this is distinct from him trying to solve their problems only in how it tends to be more emotional, whether that's being 4 or 5 years old telling his mom things will be okay, as an adult pointing out bobby's drinking and later giving him whatever speeches he needs after he's become paralyzed from the waist down, and manifests in so many ways with john and with sam it's not worth counting.

-

tl;dr

while both brothers use compartmentalization, suppression, helping others, and distractions at a broad level, at a more specific level, both sam and dean have very different emotion-focused coping mechanisms, and different ways their problem-focused coping manifests.

sam hits his head against a problem until it cracks open, and does so rigidly and to his own (and the planet's) detriment until he is forced to learn some more emotion-focused coping mechanisms after the cage. he is always seeking a sense of control so he reads lore, eats well, pushes his body, and rationalizes/medicalizes until he can gain a sense of control. some of this is adaptive. eventually he learns to sit with his emotions enough to process them as they arise and threaten to overwhelm or overtake him, which allows him to compartmentalize them more effectively as needed.

dean copes with a similar sense of helplessness by distracting himself from the issue through hunting and the job, and sometimes through narrative transportation and by taking care of others, all of which can be adaptive for the smaller issues or one-off hurts, but causes him a lot more pain with the big stuff like his betrayal over sam going to stanford or his emotions about his father (john's death and his treatment of dean and their messed up dynamic all included) or what hell wrought on him. when bigger hurts stack up, much like sam, he is eventually forced to learn more adaptive or flexible ways to navigate overwhelming feelings, which i tend to think involves sitting with them and acknowledging them and allowing himself to think about them, something i don't think he did when he was younger except when he lost control over his compartmentalizing, but that allows him to go over them and then set them aside better, when ready.

for both of them, when circumstances demand or emotions overwhelm, they will open up and talk out or acknowledge the emotion. this tends to manifest in distressed sadness from dean and in distressed anger from sam, when they're at their wits' end, with dean expressing shame but seldom guilt, and sam expressing guilt but seldom shame. exceptions include how dean expresses guilt over ways he's hurt sam or others and how sam expresses shame over actions taken related to victimized aspects of himself. at the end of the day though, they both get better and more adaptive and healthy as time goes on at sitting with their feelings instead of trying to control or ignore them.

[magnoliamyrrh]

and yes. coming from dobrogea, a region of the balkans with a whole lot of shit but which thankfully by the grace of god is peaceful today for the most part, romanias most ethnically diverse and most peaceful region somehow (maybe the hot sun and the black sea salt make us calmer idk) does impact how i think about all this

dobrogea isnt diverse because of some happy story. the dacians and thracians were fighting over that bitch for thousands of bloody years, the dacians likely coming from the thracians (both of them likely setteling the land through warfare and mixing with whichever people were there before), both claiming its Only theirs when really both of their asses came from the caucasus or central asia further on, destroying each others history later on too to make it seem like its only theirs. I want to have no bloody arguments or conflicts with bulgarians over it. I love bulgarians, they are a beautiful people with a beautiful culture which is very mixed with our own, and I want dobrogea to be not one of ours but both of ours. It disgusts me that when part of dobrogea was "given back" to romania bulgarians were kicked out; peoples lives uprooted and romanians pulling hate crimes bc ofc they did, this always happens. The turks and the tatars arent in dobrogea because of some happy history, actually theyre there because they took over, killed plenty of people, estated rule, and also did that fun slavery ordeal. Guess what, I am disgusted by the communists kicking out so many tatars (even tho there were locals who tired to shelter them). I am disgusting by romanians, few as they are in dobrogea, who wanna go on about how the turks and tatars should leave. I am disgusted by romanians, when the land was gotten back, taking out their anger and doing hatecrimes on them. I was not raised like this. I know of the history, I was raised with the history and its pain, but i am disgusted by this nontheless - my family, and a lot of dobrogea nowadays, does not stand with this. The turks and tatars have been there long, god damn historical context and all, and theyre a beautiful people with a beautiful culture which is very mixed with ours, many of us are actually mixed too, and fucking damn it i want to hear nothing about how were the only ones who should be there. Same for the other many ethnicities in the area

somehow, somehow we have managed to reach a general state of coexistence. id like to keep it that way and see more of that

theres more examples but whatever. i dont want the hungarians out of northern romania and i want us to stop fucking bickering and fighting over god damned forsaken fucking ethnostates and centuries old conflicts.

I want it. To. Stop. i see where it goes. i see how it goes. In the balkans this does not end. We can all fucking sit around yelling about what was done to us by others, and everyone can point fingers at what everyone else did. There are almost no clean hands, borders have moved around since forever, theres about a million damn claims thrown around and in the grand context of everything everywhere and the sheer extent of ethnic and cultural mixing, its not anything thats gonna lead us anywhere but twoards more horror which is based on untrue historical claims of times when idk what place was 100% idk what people

One of our only hopes is to stop this. To stop the literal thousands upon thousands years old tribal wars. Enough. E n o u g h

Were stuck in "time is a flat circle" shit. Please, dear god, enough

[kiillerqueen]

All that Melina can really hope for is that Manuel can understand where she is coming from when it comes to the future of their child. All her life she had spent following the rules of her father until she had been old enough to make her own choices , something that had angered her father deeply. She hadn't wanted to think about the idea that if their child was like her in that aspect and want to rebel against Manuel when the time came , because there something inside of her that ells her that he wouldn't let go as easily as her old man had. After all her father had three other daughters to pick from to be the heir , but Melina knows that he is dying to skip over his children and give it to the first grandson. Something that only Melina can hope isn't her because she doesn't want to be tied back up in the life she left behind. Melina is more than sure that this child of theirs was going to be a strong headed person either way since both Manuel and herself can be both when wanting to be. A part of Melina is still a bit nervous to agree to the idea of allowing Manuel have control over approving exactly whom their child would marry , but she trusts him enough he wouldn't pick someone that wasn't worthy. ❝ Fair enough , but also promise to keep more than just the person who will be by their side not screwing up what you've built. Cause I think we both can agree that we don't want our situation be something they themselves have happen to them. ❞ Sure she knows there is a good chance that whomever their child will marry won't be in love with them right away and just seeing it as a way to power , but there is nothing wrong with Melina having a bit of faith that it could turn into love.

❝ Well at least one of us is going to be a fair sport about the receiving end of these hormones. So I feel like I should apologize in advance. ❞ Melina doesn't know how she is going to make it through another five months of ❝ You shouldn't be thinking like that , because thinking about things we could have changed isn't going to fix it. You have to live in the now and work on past mistakes for the future. ❞ Fact is that it had been her own fault that Manuel hadn't been involved in the pregnancy in the beginning. So there is guilt there for that and knowing that he is thinking in such a way. A smile creeps upon femme's lips at his his words , ❝ if that is something that you want than I am more than happy to. That was very sweet of you to think about going out of your way to do that and that you were thinking about me to make such a purchase. ❞ There had been so much tension between the two lately that it felt nice to be able to finally get in a good spot again like they had been in the beginning. ❝ A girl? I know that I will be happy with whichever this baby is , but I am not against the idea of having a girl. It means that she can't be used as a pawn in my father's plans of getting a grandson to give his own work to. ❞ Melina hopes she has made it pretty clear to Manuel that she doesn't want their child having any type of involvement in her father's ideas for their family's future.

Continued || @thewcllingtons

[sometimesraven]

With You, I Am Enough

Whumptober No. 6: “Do or die, you’ll never make me; Because the world will never take my heart.” Made to Watch | “It should have been me.”

Fandom: The Witcher (Netflix) POV: Jaskier Whumpee: Jaskier

Yennefer pulls Jaskier from a deep, dark moment of self-doubt.

AO3 Link

“It should have been me.”

Jaskier closed his eyes, allowing the salt of his tears and the grit of dirt to cast rivulets toward the iron on his lips, mixing until they began to taste of rot. The sting of every cut and throb of bruises and fractured bones taunted him with the painful reminder that he was alive. He was alive, and they were not.

Another camp of elves had been slaughtered. Jaskier had scarcely managed to escape by the skin of his teeth and the grace of whichever Gods watched over him now. Perhaps it was their cruelty. He could not decide.

”Self-flagellation is a woefully unattractive quality for a man.” Yennefer was teasing, he knew — attempting to break the misery hanging between them in her own way. Still, Jaskier fell silent, accepting the shooting pain of whatever potions she’d whipped up to clean and aid with healing him. He could feel her violet gaze burning into him, disturbed by his lack of complaints, but could not bring himself to even meet her gaze. “If you had died there would just be one more corpse. Destiny doesn’t care how many sacrifices you make.”

”Destiny isn’t fair,” he muttered, the words vaguely spat through bloodied teeth. “What’s the life of one human compared to theirs? I should’ve done something. I’m a coward.”

”Coward you may be,” Yen hummed, “and the value of your life…” She tilted her head, pretending to be considering it, but seemed to abandon the joke when he finally lifted his grim gaze to follow her. “Don’t start comparing the worth of lives, Bard. You’re too… pure isn’t the word.”

“Naïve,” he offered dryly. “To think I could be anything more than a coward.”

”You keep using that word.” Yennefer’s eyes grew stormy with thought, staring him down with an expression he’d seen before. The worldly, motherly judgement she so enjoyed throwing at others. “What would you have done, hm? Thrown yourself at their swords, ‘take me! I’m important enough that you’ll leave them alone!’”

”I watched them tear the ears from a child,” he spat, voice shaking as a fresh flood of tears stung his cheeks. “I should have thrust a knife through his throat before he had the chance.”

”And the next would have taken his place, and your life would mean nothing.”

”My life does mean nothing.” The conviction of his words shocked even Jaskier, his gaze averting as he realised the weight of what he’d said. “I thought-.. I’m just a man, Yen. I have suffered so little compared to these people— to you. I thought I might make meaning from that. Use my life to elevate theirs. But I-.. I’m nothing. Just another body to buy them time.”

”That is what this comes to? Comparing suffering?” Yennefer’s voice was cutting as ever, but something shifted. A pain underlying, betraying her concern. Jaskier’s stomach turned, sickened that she should waste that on him. "Yes, you're a human man. You're also an artist bedding an elf-blooded sorceress and a witcher. You've been tortured, near-killed and imprisoned. Different suffering does not mean less suffering, and less suffering does not mean the absence of suffering. But that doesn't matter. Martyring yourself won't stop a war."

"To save one life should be enough."

"Then you've done enough." Her voice grew softer still, hands almost tender as she dabbed at a cut on his brow. "Sometimes a flower is just a flower, but you are a dandelion. You lay down your roots and take on all the poison in the earth so that others can thrive. You don't die just because you lose your head; they would have to tear you from the soil and poison the ground you walk on." Her hand grabbed his chin as he made to avoid her gaze, snapping him to look at her. "Your songs are your roots, Sandpiper. Without them, how many more would die?"

Jaskier couldn't answer that. His mind travelled to elves and spirits and visions of the past, to his songs sung with hushed voices as storms battered the rotting wood of another old ship he could scarcely pack the people into. He was no warrior. No mage nor fighter. Stories were all he had, and all he could offer, and perhaps-- perhaps that was enough. To live, so that little elven child would not be forgotten to the ash and dirt.

"Good." Yennefer huffed, roughly dropping his chin and returning to patching his wounds. "Can I stop being nice to you now, bard? It's exhausting."

Jaskier managed a weary, wobbly smile. "I'd never accuse you of being nice, witch."

[tiamojai]

taking suggestions (I do not believe in advice) from people is completely impractical. no one lives your life, not even your mother or father, which at this point for some doesn’t really matter. the source of most these days seems to not play a part in their current actions, so why should anything in their present even matter? I am sick of seeing where everything is missing and what could have been done and etc etc. when you are in MY space (MY space is anywhere I am, regardless of people thinking it is not) do not disrespect me and think you will get away with it. very rude. I do not go into anyone’s house for these reasons nor do I talk to certain people because they do not care for my space when I am in theirs. This is about me and my life and has nothing to do with anyone who feels like they know me. As I was saying, people who feel like they can interact with my spaces and upset it should definitely deal with that fact, because of course they don’t have a choice. I don’t expect anything after the fact of disrespect other than resolutions that satisfy me, because then you have crossed my line, that we had a full understanding of and breaching our agreement whichever version of kinds of agreement you choose. anyway, I am who I am. no one else can be me, I don’t care if you feel like you’re going to do this or do that, the thing is, whilst I occupy a space, if I know for a fact that you are trying to play a game of identity crisis, please be aware, that I will not respond to your needs or wants or nuisances that affect me in the way you think I should. so have fun. bc now I am doing things as I normally do them. just wanted to make note of it. 🙂

[yugocar]

this is just my personal feelings about the topic, but the “your ancestors would love you” media/content doesnt feel healing to me at all, because no, they probably wouldnt. the point is it doesnt fucking matter what they would think, i’m their descendant and i can have whatever relationship i want with my ancestry. what im saying is im gay and i love my culture and theres nothing they can do about it

[technowoah]

Hello can I request number 50 from the fluff list a dream x reader plz

IT'S YOU [12:56 am]

I HOPE THIS IS CUTE!

I POSTED TOO EARLY IM SORRY BUT IT'S FINISHED NOW

Dream x gen neutral(?)reader blurb

50) I'll love you until you love yourself.

⚠︎ insecurities, slight angst, not proofread, fluffiness, swearing, i didn't proofread 🙄

You and Clay have been together for a year now. Its been a beautiful year together and even better when you two found out that you both lived closer than you two thought. You both loved every second you two were together. It felt like you two were still in the honeymoon phase, but you both had struggles to work through. It was normal.

Today you were at Clay's house, lying in his bed until he was done streaming. You were engrossed in your phone that Clay's yelling became distant to you. You weren't too obsessed with how you looked, you were pretty confident, but everyone has those days where they get insecure.

Comparing yourselves to other streamers wasnt a passtime for you, but it was now. Just looking at how their fans compliment their face shapes and how their eyes look in the lighting. I mean they were beautiful and deserved the praise, but you were nothing like them. You weren't as confident as them, and your mind was currently telling them that they looked better than you too.

Somehere in the depths of your mind you knew that those intrusive thoughts were false, but they kept flooding your mind. You fell deeper into the rabbit hole and ended up looking up celebrities, and more streamers you knew on Instagram. Your eyes were still glued to the screen comparing your body to theirs, you were so into it that you didnt feel the bed sink next to you.

"Hey! Listen to me!" Clay whined as he spooned you from behind, hugging you tightly. He tried to bring your attention to him, so you put your phone down for the time being.

"I require attention. I streamed for 2 hours and I need human interaction." He kissed your cheek as you tried to turn around in his grasp.

You finally tuned around with his arms still around you. Both of your faces were close just enjoying eachothers company in the silence. It was a while for Clay to show you his face, and you felt special since he only showed his face to select friends. You always felt special with him because many would kill to be where you are but he chose you, you chose him.

"What's up?" Clay smiled.

"Nothing~" You sighed trying to push down the past thoughts of insecurities you had.

"Were you watching the stream? You probably could hear me in the other room." Clay laughed as he adjusted how he layed with you.

"I wasn't actually, but I could hear you. I'm surprised you didnt install some soundproof walls or those foam things."

"I'll consider." Dream hummed. You both layed sideways facing eachother as he rubbed his hand up and down your waist.

His hands began to feel uncomfortable on you, like they weren't meant to be there. You began to fall back into your mind if he actually loved how you looked and acted. He can find so many other people with better personalities. You shifted away from his touch, trying not to make a big deal out of it.

You knew it was wrong to think this way, you knew it was unhealthy, it wasn't fair to Clay either. It had to be stopped soon, but you couldn't find the strength to stop it.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Clay asked.

"Only a penny?"

"10,000 for your thoughts?"

"10,000 pennies or dollars?"

"Whichever gets you to talk to me." Clay had this look in his eyes, that you hated. That look made you spill everything on your mind, it made you crumble infront of him, and it was okay.

"Why aren't you letting me touch you?" Clay asked you carefully. "Im not trying to start anything bad, but I just want to know."

You took a big sigh before letting everything out. "Clay, I feel like shit. It's bad right now, have you ever compared yourself to another person? Their personality, their look, just you want to be them, be better. Sometimes I feel inadequate to my friends, I feel like I can look better than I am right now."

You paused for a moment to gather your thoughts. "I feel like you can do better-"

"Okay I draw the line at that. Im sorry I'm listening to you, but that's uttet bullshit." Clay spat out.

Your eyes widened when Clay sat up in the bed. "You are amazing! Dont let anyone else or you say otherwise! I love you because you are you, I dont want anyone else. I need you to believe that, I know you do! You believe that, but at these moments know that you are worth all the love you get. From me and from your fans." Clay pulled you up to sit upright with him.

"I'll love you until you learn to love yourself." Clay kissed you on the nose and brought you into his arms for a long hug, sitting on his lap with your legs on either side of him.

"Thank you love, I just needed to get that off my chest. It's just intrusive thoughts s'all." You said while holding him close.

"I know, but I hate that you think that way sometimes. I wish I could erase all of that." Clay mumbled into your shoulder.

"I know too, but you can't we can only just remind eachother and try to get rid of intrusive thoughts. They'll always be there, but it's how we deal with them."

"Hmm wise words." Clay chuckled.

"I love you, you know that." You said while kissing his cheek.

"I know. I live for you, you know that." Clay said in response to you.

You moved yourself off of his lap and back onto the bed beneath you two. "Now you're trying to one up me?"

Clay laughed. "I always one up you. Like in Minecraft, that's why you'll never be a hunter."

You scoffed and rolled your eyes at him. He continued to tease you about why you'll never be in a manhunt video, but you knew he meant no harm. It feels good to feel loved even when you dont love yourself. Even if its for a minute or an hour, sometimes you need that. It didnt make you feel guilty when you need the reassurance, but times like this dont make you feel guilty.

Its always you and him against the world. And against your mind.

[kepesktribe]

Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap? 

For whichever char(s) you want! :3 I am just super curious hehe

Love the curiosity! I shall reward with plenty of characters under the cut.

I always have an amused snort with this one. Practical and stubborn, Janlenoux actively avoided it even when it fell into his lap (sometimes literally). Took him years and almost dieing... to finally accept it and listen to his own heart. Now he is currently engaged to Adelphel.

Baldr actively doesn't care. The only love he cares about is family and friends. Romance... is just something he doesn't feel. However, he loves teasing the lovebirds of his friend group.

Hodr on the other hand, though he doesn't actively seek it out, does want it to fall into his lap... or rather he fall into theirs. Hope whoever captures his heart is careful though... he comes with a bite.

I dont even know with this one. Kazeninotte dances around in my head like she has free range. Does whatever she wants. Hmm, if I really try to pinpoint it, I would say she is a mix of both. Let's fate decide if that person enters her life... and when she has her sight on them, she will pounce.

Loifa is a 'love has to fall on his lap because he is dense and would never think to look' kind of person. His head is filled with nothing but cureing his friends. He is very much a one track mind.

Irisvir activity looked for it. Poor G'raha stood no chance in getting away.

Aruktai didn't need to look for it nor was he actively looking. As a Goro and demiromantic, he was fine with his horse wife... but love fell directly on his lap in the form of a very mischievous, crazy, albino Raen named Otome. He knew instantly when she started to like him... and honestly, he found himself growing more fond of her anyways so he just let it be. He of course thought it was just that... fondness. Their friends knew otherwise. Otome thought otherwise and confessed in a way that had him trying hard not to laugh, in a good way, and realizing his real feelings. She had research Goro ways and made a ballet box filled with papers of only her name, and held it out to him with no explanation. Everyone else was confused, Aruk just found it endearing... and promptly picked her up and carried her away so they can talk away from everyone else.

Here is Otome.

Thank you so much for the ask. Took longer because work suddenly got real busy. But I hope you enjoy. @draculas-husband ~MK

[lizacstuff]

Your thoughts on the epi? And the trailers? I'm loving the in love Edser! We've waited so long for this!!!

This episode was so fun and fluffy! I don't know about you, but I am enjoying the tone during this second season. A lot. I don't care how stupid the audition process was for the spot in the school, it gave us some very good comedy and a lot of USTy, sexy, flirty goodness.

And like you, I also love in love Edser!

Thankfully this episode was dominated by Edser, and with Kiraz at Granny's house we even got some alone time. The supporting characters were used to good effect this episode, Engin and Piril were the funniest they've ever been, Kerem and Pina served to poke Serkan about his mentoring style, and it was actually nice to have an excuse for Ayfer and Aydan to share a storyline again.

(more under the cut)

However, we'll start with Burak and Melo. UGH. I mean I love Melo and Elcin has done a really good job of showing Melo's heartbreak and trying to hide her melancholy behind her usual bubbly personality, but I really can't stand that it's over such a dud of a character. I know I'm a broken record here but Melo deserves better than this fool. Honestly, he's such a bland sad sack I don't really get why Melo loves him, Eda wants to be friends with him and Ayfer thinks he's so great she wants him for a nephew-in-law. Well, for Ayfer the only qualification is that he's not Serkan, so never mind that question.

However, maybe there's some hope? Before this episode it seemed certain they were heading in a romance direction, but the way he told her she was like a sister to him? Is there really any coming back from him saying that after he remembered kissing her? On the other hand we're barreling towards the end here and there's not really enough time to introduce anyone new for Melo (and no indication from spoilers that they have) and I'm pretty sure Ayse and the writers want to give her a romantic happy ending (although I'd be fine if they didn't and instead had her go off and do something entirely for herself like go back to school or travel or open a shop). So we'll see, because even with the sister line they left some room open because Kerem was the one who suggested he say that (it wasn't necessarily his own idea) and with Melo he seemed to be coming from a place where he assumed he had forced himself on her and she was angry because she didn't want it. Which we know is not true, so might be a misunderstanding that leads to something more. Anyway, I guess we'll just have to endure whichever way they go.

Personally, I like the Serkan-Kemal father storyline. I think it's a good way to add a bit of drama in the waning episodes, gives Serkan a bit of an identity crisis, interestingly mirrors his own situation with Kiraz, and it just makes sense with everything we know of the characters. Because were we seriously supposed to believe that someone as sniveling as Alptelkin sired Serkan? I mean Serkan is the epitome of BDE, he has an inherent charismatic and commanding presence. Sorry to the actor who played Alptekin, but he didn't really have any kind of presence, however Sinan who plays Kemal, does. They've done a great job of casting, because it just feels true. I believe Kemal and Serkan share genetics.

However, even before that storyline starts in earnest, it's interesting that Serkan was being a big baby, not wanting his mom with a man she clearly loves. I wish Eda would have pushed back at him a little more when he was going off that Aydan shouldn't pursue love at her age! Does he think he'll be out of love with Eda by the time he's in his 50s and 60s? Of course not! I'm guessing Eda, though, is just letting him blow off some steam and come to accept the relationship on his own terms. Don't get me wrong, though, after all the meddling Aydan's done with Edser, she more than deserves to have Serkan's opinion of Kemal negatively impact her!

Loved that Kiraz and Can found out first that Kemal is Serkan's father! Cat is out of the bag, Aydan, you can't make a deal with a 5 year old, lmao. It put a nice ticking clock on the whole thing and gave us some good comedic moments where Kiraz is speaking the truth and everyone thinks she's just really fond of the dude. Hee.

Also I enjoyed the Aydan and Ayfer moments. To be honest, I also used to enjoy their true friendship moments when we got them, like when Kemal first appeared and Aydan was freaking out and needed Ayfer and Seyfi around her, and when they were trying to hunt down Deniz after the fake wedding turned real. After so much animosity, it was nice that Ayfer recognized that Aydan was truly in distress and needed a friend and they were able to actually talk. Also we got some (mildly) funny comedy with the two of them and the school lady. Speaking of Ayfer, thankfully she finally realized some consequences to her actions in pushing Burak at Eda. She hurt Melo! Glad she finally opened her eyes to see what should have been obvious to her (Eda never saw him that way, and Melo obviously did) and apologized to Melo. I'd like it if she would apologize to Eda as well, (and Burak deserves an apology as well because she most definitely gave him false hope) but since Eda wasn't influenced by her we probably won't see that.

Switching to Eda and Serkan this episode gave us lots of good stuff. This was a great episode for showing us where each of them stood. Eda is terrified of getting hurt and trying to hold him at arm's length even while he clearly is inching back into her heart, and Serkan is dreaming of their future together, and taking every opportunity to tie them together. How much did I love Serkan admitting he was poking at Eda, and doig things to make her angry, just so she would talk to him? Interesting that he's doing it and love that he's being honest and admitting it to her. One of my favorite relationship dynamics between them is around "talking." In the very beginning Serkan did a lot of complaining about how much Eda talked and how she never shut up, but starting around episode 18 all he wanted was for Eda to talk to him. And this is just more of that. The thing he wants most is to talk to her.

Plus watching domestic Edser is just so much fun, I could watch their full grocery shopping trip in real time and be perfectly happy, lol. At the age of 35 it's time that Serkan learn how to do a few things for himself, I don't care how rich he is, so it's nice that we see him evolving a bit as he embraces the dad role.

The jealousy gambits, even as mild as they are, are getting pretty eye roll worthy since Eda and Serkan are living together, care so much, and obviously are still so hot for one another. It's a bit more understandable from Serkan since Eda is the one creating the barrier between them, but are we really supposed to believe that Eda is jealous of Deniz when Serkan is so obviously in love with Eda and planning their future together? Especially when he clearly can't stand Deniz and tries so hard to avoid her? I suppose it's to show us that Eda is in a jumbled state, her head is trying to keep space with Serkan, while her heart wants him badly and is scared he's going to take her rejections seriously. Even so it was quite irrational for her to get angry at Serkan for having lunch with Deniz when she ordered him to leave with her. Poor Eda is in emotional turmoil.

It was hard to tell with shaky translations, but I guess Serkan claimed to have been injured while rescuing Eda and that's how he talked his way into her bed? Impressively done, Serkan. Love it because it meant we all got to wake up to snuggly family, snuggling together. This gave us another glimpse into Eda's psyche, she wakes up first, and is clearly enjoying it and feeling at home in his arms, until the sleep clears enough and her head realizes she's not supposed to be enjoying it. But once again Kiraz knows how to handle her parents and their complicated relationship beautifully and fixes everything with a pillow fight. That is one smart cookie.

One of my favorite moments of the episode is when Eda is trying to convince Serkan to go to Aydan about the school. Eda knows that her big eyes still work on him, and they did. He still can't say no to her, another one of my favorite relationship dynamics of theirs. I'm super glad some things never change. Speaking of their visit to Aydan's, how great that they went to meet the horse without a name as a family, and then Serkan finally came up with the perfect name. Definitely a star.

Love, love, love that Serkan and Eda beat Engin and Piril when it came to the 'how well do you know your spouse' game. They may have been separated for 5 years, but they both have a genuine interest in the other, so they remember things, and they always made a much more compatible couple than Engin/Piril who have absolutely nothing in common. Of course I adored all the fake married hijinx this gave us, not to mention all the opportunities for Serkan to touch, kiss, and hold her. SO MUCH UST!

The heart-to-heart on the bench was well done and it finally gave us Eda opening up and telling him what's been holding her back. She's scared. Of course she is, the poor thing. Serkan might have thought he was doing it for her own good both times, but he ripped her heart out twice (not even counting all the heart ripping he did during amnesia) how could she not have fears? Of course she's afraid! Whenever she lets herself love him and be loved by him, it's ripped away horribly, and often in ways that feels like it's him doing the ripping. She can take into consideration the circumstances, which she has or else he wouldn't be anywhere near her, and still need time to be sure she's not just setting herself up to get emotionally demolished again.

For Serkan's part all he can do is keep being there, being honest with her, and showing he's in it for the long haul, which I think he's doing and which is why they are where they are at the end of this episode.

Engin and Piril's dance practice is probably the first Engin/Piril alone scene that I thought was genuinely funny and fully enjoyable. I can't think of another... message me if you think there is one, lol. Elsewhere, I saw some folks saying that Engin and Piril should have won the dance competition, because they actually danced, and Eda and Serkan didn't. LOL, you think? I'm pretty sure that was the point. That Eda and Serkan didn't really dance, all they did was get up there and turn their sexual tension and intense smoldering towards one another up to eleventy and won because it's that powerful.

It's sort of a metaphor for this whole series. Sen Cal Kapimi is 100% powered by their chemistry. Of course they can win any competition by just pressing their bodies against one another! They can turn a ditzy Turkish summer romcom that probably should have gone 13 eps into an international hit that's going on 50 episodes, just by looking at one another.

I'm glad that the school officials overheard their conversations and dismissed them, any organization that requires this of the parents, is going to be a lifelong pain-in-the ass, lmao. Also it was good to see Edser and EnPir make up by the end.

Now, on to that ending. I'm glad the subject of the tatoos was brought up, interesting that Eda kept hers until a few months ago. Also interesting that she moved it... can't blame Serkan for wanting to see it. Was that one great seduction line, or what?

I join with everyone who thinks it was a slightly awkward place to leave the episode. We only have 13 (probably) episodes this season, and we've only had one kiss so far. That was definitely a moment for a kiss. Part of me thinks they were going for the cliffhanger, what will Eda do? Will she kiss him or slam the door in his face? Tune in next week to find out! Except that audiences have to wait no time at all for the fragman and that makes any such cliffhanger moot. So what's the point? Have her pull him in, kiss him, and the show can end with them passionately making out and the door slamming with the camera outside the house.

Oh well, it is what it is, and we can only hope they pick up next week right where they left off. As for the fragman, obviously they are fully back together for this episode which means she lets him in to hunt for her tattoo. (please oh please give us that internet ozel because I don't think I can stand being online in this fandom if they don't. Thankfully I'm traveling next week and will be too busy to spend much time on twitter.)

As I said in another ask, I'm not surprised Serkan is barreling them straight towards marriage. When you know, you know, so why wait? Once they emotionally commit to one another, they need to just get married. No waiting for psychos to interfere, family to meddle, or tragedy to strike!

Seriously can't wait for a full episode of them together and Serkan figuring out how to propose. I'm also looking forward to the Kemal/Serkan stuff, it will be interesting to see how he reacts once the news sets in... should be a great episode!

[bbhyeoliskooks]

❀.’* 𝟕 𝐒𝐢𝐠𝐧𝐬 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐂𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡 𝐋𝐢��𝐞𝐬 𝐘𝐨𝐮 ❀.’*

Wasn’t spending Christmas Eve with your friends supposed to be special? 

.’*/ (ㅇㅅㅇ❀)＼*’..’*/ (ㅇㅅㅇ❀)＼*’.

Pairing: Soobin x Reader (female)

Genre 4 cups of fluff ! And perhaps a cup of angst in there too !

Warnings: Jealousy, a toxic friend who does not care about your feelings, unedited towards the end hehe

(Awe, it’s been quite a while since I wrote for Soobders !! Wanted to do a cute thing for a confession, though it turned out a bit angsty with the jealousy :// but i promise the end is so so cute !! Girlie here snapped on this one, i hope you can see the improvement~~ The fact that I had to do research on this is quite... something.)

.’*/ (ㅇㅅㅇ❀)＼*’..’*/ (ㅇㅅㅇ❀)＼*’.

1. He steals glances at you. 

Wasn’t spending Christmas Eve with your friends supposed to be special? Wasn’t it supposed to be warm and all with interesting gifts and sugary sweet smiles decorating the room? Yeonjun sincerely promised that upon inviting you that this specific one wouldn’t flop unlike the last where you felt the need to go. As of this Christmas Eve dinner with all of your friends, it simply didn’t feel like it. If any other feeling than emptiness, the strong monster of envy rattled against your ribs as your eyes dart to your hidden phone underneath the table.

Fingers swiping on one video, you come into contact with a cheesy title, “7 signs your crush likes you.” The creature of curiosity pulled strings in your head, and you clicked the video with a small grin painted on your lips. Memories of being a middle schooler flooded back into your head that you couldn’t help but smile because of it. The one that you decided to watch reminded you of the good old days where you’d play mash with Yeonjun and Soobin. They’d always believe  they’d get together with their crush in the future as stated on the paper- and you couldn’t lie though; they were such adorable students back then before high school made them grow up with deep voices and long legs for nothing. Nostalgia was really one hell of a drug.

You were sadly snapped out of your trance when said former boy tugged on the sleeve of your stylish red coat. 

“Hey, look,” Yeonjun murmured towards you. You glanced to what he was saying, turning your head over to the direction where he was looking at. When your eyes were met with Soobin’s, you sighed out a breath of relief. Thank gosh he made it. Gratefulness poured out of you as soon as your eyes dawned upon him.

Ah wait a second, Soobin really was here! Finally, you were able to wish him a few seasons greetings! Slowly getting up, you were planning to run up and throw him into one of your tight embraces until Yeonjun dragged you back down by the coat. You were going to yell at him to let you go since that boy can choose to be annoying as heck, but he begged you to stay with him. The needy glint in his eye told you to sit back down. Confusion washed over you in waves, yet once you looked at what he was gazing at, you needed to thank him for saving you to a close mistake. 

Your delusions of being with that boy were crushed when you saw a chic girl linger behind him, holding his hand with a luminous ring on her index finger. Yeonjun’s breath hitched in his throat upon seeing her, and you felt sick to your stomach. She was the perfect embodiment of what people called Heather- a pretty smile and a charming aura whichever place she entered. Insecurities you tried your best to conceal inside rose back up again, and you felt the need to throw them up on the empty plate before you. Self doubt like these were the worst, especially when it could play a key role in losing the love of your life. 

With that being said, it was safe to say that you hated her already. 

It’s just... ugh, that girl gifted you with a weird gut feeling as if you’ve seen her before. Morals and views reminding you not to became a greedy monster, you knew you couldn’t hate her without evidence that she was a terrible person, but seriously, what else could that suffocating feeling be? Why did she seem so familiar to you with that long, platinum blonde hair dancing whenever she swayed and deep, indigo eyes who could capture about anybody there? 

Platinum blonde hair... deep, indigo eyes.... a pretty face- 

Wait a minute... isn’t she your old best friend from sophomore year?!

As if on cue, you watch as Soobin’s hands trail to the back of the same girl, feeling the world you imagined with your unrequited love to crash down on your weak shoulders, harshly and indefinitely. 

A blaring advertisement pops up from your phone, warning you that what you were watching made a grand finish. A soft grunt of frustration left your lips. This night was going to be the worst one yet, you felt it resonate in your bones. And the endearing way he chuckles at whatever she says is enough. The video is stupid; you already have enough information to know that he doesn’t like you. 

2. He flirts with other girls but when you aren’t around, he immediately stops.

The night was going... so-so.

At first, you planned to dip and make it up to Yeonjun later, but something in your heart urged you in place whenever you stole a glance at Soobin. Maybe it was the way he sent reassuring looks towards your direction, telling you that he’ll be right there later. Maybe it was the way his doe eyes twinkled if you chose to join in the conversation. Maybe it was how you knew deep down inside that no other girl could compare to you. You felt selfish because of these burdening feelings. It was as if fate was making fun of you, mocking you for falling for Soobin. You watched your old friend and Soobin flirt all dinner, so the last thing you wanted to do was eat.

Your attention instantly snaps to the other side of the table where your friend is grabbing a keen knife. Soobin offered to give his to you since there were none left in sight- perhaps a mistake from the waiter, but you declined with a tense jaw from gritting your teeth for too long. The food had already arrived, although you barely noticed due to the envy. Yeonjun ordered fancy steaks for all of you, and guilt seemed to swallow you up from how much you were visibly hesitant to dive into what the others were eating.

A strange, constrained grunt from your old friend snaps you from out of your thought bubbles. You hurriedly glanced in her direction, surely not disappointed at what she was pulling. You swore you almost burst into laughter at what foolery she was showing. Who knew someone could be this- this stupid?! No matter how much she tried, she couldn’t cut through the steak with the knife given to her, causing her a lot of embarrassment. The tips of her ears turned tomato red as she daintily pressed through the meat with all of her might.

Well, wasn’t this certainly a sight to see. 

Unknowingly, the corners of your lips curl up into a smirk. Did she know how much of a fool she looked right now? She couldn’t be that stupid, you remembered how smart she called herself back in high school. What’s wrong with her that she couldn’t even cut a measly steak?

...oh my goodness, what’s wrong with you? Your hand flew up to slap yourself in the forehead, but fortunately no one saw. You were crazy, absolutely crazy. Did you deem yourself as a horrible person for thinking about their downfall? ...yes, but it doesn’t matter! 

Soobin saw how much trouble she was going through and like a good person, smiled and lent a helping hand. Literally. 

He gently placed his hand on top of theirs, guiding the knife so that it could pierce through the meat. She giggled at his kind efforts, having the audacity to move much closer to him by shuffling her chair. You covered your mouth with your hand so that you wouldn’t audibly gasp. Both you and Yeonjun share a knowing look towards each other after that, eyebrows furrowed and all. 

Looking back down at your plate, you forced yourself to eat through the situation. But you weren’t able to at all. It seemed the repulsion at how flirty and good looking both of them were made your stomach do flips. Suddenly, the steak on your plate looked disgusting.

In no time, it seemed that all of the appetite you built up earlier somehow disappeared into thin air. You no longer felt like eating whenever your eyes took a look at that new cute “couple” over there. They could’ve been dating for a while now, and you had no clue, like you always did. It just wasn’t your business. You swam a little bit more into your memories with her. She knew you liked Soobin from long ago, and she still did this? Guess who has no intention to get in new touch with an old friend after this “warm, loving dinner” as stated from Yeonjun’s invitation.

Drawing a heavy sigh from your lips once more, your eyes steadily dart to the food on your plate again. In response, your stomach churned as if you were riding a heightened ferris wheel. The feeling of fear penetrated your throat, pulling out a lump you couldn’t control. You had no clue how you were going to finish so much of this Christmas dinner that you sincerely desired to throw up. 

3. He gets protective whenever someone he doesn’t like comes near you. 

“Hey, you good, Y/N? You’re basically picking at your plate and not eating any of it,” Yeonjun whispers over to you. You look up from the abandoned green veggies on your plate and plaster on a smile for him. Obviously he would be able to tell right away since he was one of your best friends, but that’s what you wanted him to see. Good thing you were close to him so that nobody would be able to hear what you were saying.

With a shrug of your shoulders you inch closer to him, whispering in his ear as well, “yes, I’m clearly doing fine here. It’s not like jealousy is literally eating me alive because he has a crush on my best friend who knows I like him.”

Yeonjun chuckled a little bit at this before punching your shoulder. “Cheer up, bun! I promise it’ll all be alright in the end. After all, I am one of Soobin’s friends who knows everything about him~~” You only smiled at his supposedly sweet gesture. His words were of course comforting, but it did as little as it could to ease your heart.

Placing your head on his shoulder with a timid frown on your face, you murmured a quick thank you to him. One way or another, you were going to have to pay back your debt to him even if he got you all red in the face. “Yeah, you definitely are, bun. You definitely are.”

Little did you know that Soobin was frowning at how you and Yeonjun suddenly went all buddy-buddy with each other before stuffing a few more pieces of bread into his mouth.

4. He gives you a nickname.

From the corner of your eye, you see Soobin shoot you a worried look. His lips are pursed together into a straight line which only makes you roll your eyes. So he was acting like he cared about you after ignoring you for a rat, huh...

“I can see that you’re not eating, buttercup? Is there something that’s bothering you... on Christmas Eve?” That boy did not just- the word buttercup was really not the word you wanted to fall out of his lips right now. He could’ve called you whatever, heck even your name although it wasn’t a serious situation. Buttercup was a cute nickname he gave to you when you first became friends. You tried to convince yourself that you absolutely hated what he called you, but the quick pace of your heart begged to differ.

Choi Soobin is not the boy you love. Choi Soobin is only your best friend! Choi Soobin does not like you! Choi.. Soobin is who you’ll always love, regardless. Your twisted mind kept tugging you back and forth so briskly that you wanted to throw up from all of those flutters. It was clear that insanity was stretching you as if you were a four year old’s putty judging from the sour expression on your face, but of course nobody seemed to notice. 

Furrowing your tense eyebrows at him, all of the anger built up from tonight washed over your body like a dangerous tsunami. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be courting my old friend right now? I thought you guys were going to be a couple judging from how stupid you two are acting, so don’t worry about lil’ ol’ buttercup me!,” you deadpan, gradually becoming enraged enough through the sentence to slam your poor phone onto the wooden table. It’s like you couldn’t control yourself anymore. Your face is furiously burning with anger at the sight of them holding hands, and you happen to sigh exasperatedly which makes all of the customers turn their heads from worry. Some of them were raising amused eyebrows at your attitude so much so, that you wanted to disappear from the face of the Earth.

Crap. You should’ve been watching what you said as to not cause a scene. Did it really matter though? You needed to let out your emotions one way or another! Yeonjun helps alleviate your overwhelming emotions by tightening the hold on your hand under the table but you simply couldn’t help it any longer. Why the hell did you have to have a crush on someone who was too oblivious for his own good? He shouldn’t be that dense! You swore that he was a wall; you couldn’t talk to him about what you felt because for sure, he wouldn’t understand. 

And as always, Soobin nods his head nonchalantly at your words- causing the hope that he’d know about what you felt inside to eventually shrivel up and die. 

5. He stares at you longingly whenever you aren’t looking.

“Woah, take a chill pill, Y/N,” the girl in front of you croaked out after sipping on a little bit of her special red wine.

You shoot a glare at her, and go back to eat what was expected of your steak- which was pretty much 75% of it left. That was the only thing you could be proud of to arise from this night since you didn’t want to throw up whenever you chose to speak. Speaking of which, there was no point in talking anymore when you knew that everyone would stare at you. Which reminds you. You should probably hide your face now since at least ten people are watching this scene go down. Upon realizing this, you shoo them away with your hands and a few of them awkwardly turned back as if they weren’t watching what happened. Yeonjun chuckles hysterically, shaking his arms around like a lunatic so that the attention would be shielded away from the table. 

Under your breath, you mutter a few words lowkey wishing that she would hear. A few words couldn’t her, right? With someone who’s personality was bigger than their plastic lips, you were sure it wouldn’t hurt. “I bet he doesn’t even like you since you keep hogging him all night.”

Something told you she heard due to the sour expression written all over her face.

Immediately, the “kind girl” as Soobin called her started insulting you out of the blue once she comprehended your words. Deeper and stabbing into your heart, her voice was as civil as she could put it to be, but the comments she made were totally out of line. You wanted to respond back with something, however she kept interrupting you with that degrading voice. 

“God, it’s like you’re trying so hard to stay with these two! Haven’t you gotten the memo that none of them like you? Who would’ve known that lil’ ol’ buttercup here would be such a slut when back in high school, was the prude of the school?”

You were going to say something- anything to retort back to her until she cut you off again. You really had no power compared to that witch at all, she only made you feel smaller as vulnerability surrounded you, overwhelming your thought process. Her words dripped venom while the anger rose in you similar to that as of a bread rising up under the influence of yeast. It was getting difficult by the minute not to slap her since Soobin was right there and easily unknowingly holding you back. 

“After all, you don’t want to embarrass yourself like you do every day. I’m surprised your friendships stayed long enough from high school,” her eyes wandered to your reddening cheeks, feeling much satisfaction fill her for clearly hurting your feelings. “And with that ugly Christmas sweater too? Poor girl, I can see why Soobin would reject you even though I know for a fact you hadn’t even confessed your stupid feelings to him.”

Not a sound of Yeonjun’s endearing chuckles echoed beside you, not a clatter from Soobin’s fork crashed against his plate, and not even a customer’s murmuring voice filled the whole restaurant. All of you remained silent- even the staff and chefs to see what happened next, witnessing that of a melodrama. The only thing repeating in your head was... how could she have the audacity to do that in a public restaurant?

It was like she could see all of your insecurities, both inside and out. The boys couldn’t bring themselves to say anything in fear that it would only do more damage compared to their intentions. Soobin was just as shocked as you were that she would say that aloud where anybody could hear you. Yeonjun shut his mouth, not being able to protect you because he knew the girl would only keep him silent with menacing words. Basically, both of them were wimps who chose not to help you, and that hurt you the most. 

As if she could read your mind, she laughed off all the attention towards your table. “Acting innocent now, are you? I’m not surprised. Just leave if you’re not going to let anything come out of that big, stupid mouth.” 

That was the final straw.

6. He plays hard to get.

“I-I guess I’m not needed here, then.”

You get up from your spot next to Yeonjun, fumbling to grab your phone on the table. Your eyes are practically brimming with tears as you do your best to hide them with the sleeve of the ugly Christmas sweater she was talking about. Both Soobin and Yeonjun are yelling for you to come back, but you no longer have the pride to see the smirk on that insane woman’s face. If she was going to insult you just to raise herself up, then you could leave one night to save you the embarrassment. She just degraded you in front of everybody, and didn’t say an apology if not more, feel sorry for doing so.

You sprint over to the entrance with tears in your eyes, slamming the door against the brick wall of the building. The customers were gossiping about what just happened, but you didn’t care anymore. All of the emotions were pouring out of you while you pathetically let tears out like a love-struck fool. Now you certainly had no reason to stay, even if the boys were waiting back for you. Good thing nobody was there or else you would’ve gotten angry at them for the littlest of things. Kicking the pile of snow that built up over the events of the dinner, you could see that your frustration was barely restrained.

The crystal snowflakes did little to calm you down as some caught onto the tip of your nose. It had been a while since snow waltzed from up above on this very day, but you couldn’t care less. 

A clear night sky is what you’re met with before you feel yourself plop onto the wooden bench. A disappointed sigh is undone from your lips due to the fact that Soobin or even Yeonjun hadn’t chased after you. You made a scene for one of the reasons one of them would chase after you so that one person, at least one would come over and give you some form of attention- unlike what happened all night! Of course you wanted Yeonjun to come so that you could rant what occupied your head, but you bothered him more than enough. He was always one to listen and somehow had a couple pieces of advice every time you asked him for a solution.

You felt your eyelashes flutter by themselves in the frosty air before forcing them shut. You were simply disappointed that the dinner was all wasted because of a stupid crush. 

This Christmas Eve was supposed to be special with everyone there... if only your toxic friend chose not to stir up some trouble tonight. Why did Soobin have to invite her anyway? He didn’t know what she could do to sabotage anyone there, including you. For the time being though, you chastised yourself for being so stupid months before. It wasn’t the first time that she made a move on Soobin in order to anger you, but that’s for another day. Foolish enough, you thought back then that forgiving and forgetting would be good to salvage the remnants of the warm friendship you once had. 

7. He makes it clear that he likes you. 

Perhaps 15 minutes passed before you decided to go back inside and apologize to the boys for ruining the dinner with your temper tantrum. It would be so so so awkward with Soobin, considering that she screamed you liked him, but a little bit of acting would cover it up. Perhaps you were a good actor already! He was oblivious to those warm feelings you owned anyway, and maybe after leaving with Yeonjun you would tell him that none of the things she said was true. Apologies and kindness would be able to make up for it, they just had to. Of course you wouldn’t say sorry to that monster, but hey! It’s Christmas Eve and acting civil is the best thing to do in this situation.

Christmas Eve, and yet you were still disheartened nobody showed up. 

Dropping your phone into your purse, you get up from your icy spot on the bench and reluctantly took a few steps to the entrance. The death ring of the jingling bell ceases you in place, and you gasp at the boy who was staring at you with soft eyes. They looked much warmer than earlier when you got the guts to yell at him, so you felt guilty for blaming all of your faults on the boy who was only worried for you. 

Breathless, he dashed towards you- heels clicking against the pavement and gently intertwined both of your hands. 

“Buttercup, I’m so sorry for what she said. Just please don’t cry. I can’t stand seeing you cry.” With the tip of his thumb, he delicately wiped what was left of your tear stains. Then rubbing both of your cheeks in an attempt to warm your face up, he stared down at you obviously worried. 

Seeing how much he cared for you made you grin at his endearment. “Soobders, it’s not your fault! She said things that she shouldn’t have, but I know you guys wouldn’t believe it...” your voice trailed off when you glanced at him, afraid that he really did, “r-right?”

Raising an eyebrow, the tall boy seemed to grow taller in front of you, looming over you in disbelief. You gulped that weird lump in your throat that arose from crying earlier and tried to present yourself as not nervous. Surely, he had to believe you! There wasn’t enough preparation you could do to be rejected from a best friend... Scared and creeped out by how that monster remembered, you hoped that you wouldn’t have to tell them for the second time that you actually really liked him.

The way he remained tall in front of you begged to differ.

Bringing his face closer to yours, a deep frown was etched onto his lips each second he stared at your nervous features. You were grinning awkwardly at how close you two were, but he didn’t seem to notice. Instead, he was more focused on the fact that you couldn’t trust him even if he was one of your confidants. Suspicious, he pulled away at the last second when both of your noses were barely touching. “Something’s wrong with you, and you’re hiding it. You tell me everything and I want to know it, so... what’s on your mind tonight?”

Boy, was he persistent. That caused you to roll your eyes. Couldn’t he just act oblivious for this once? You would gladly get on your knees to beg for him not to barge in your business for the meantime. There’s no way you could confess without preparing first since it’d shatter you once the deed was done.

Unbeknownst to you, Soobin only found this gesture to be confusing since you’d never had an attitude once in front of him. He assumed something was seriously wrong because you tried not to let rude words from others affect you... His date back there must’ve hit a nerve, and done a good job at that. One thing he would do tonight was comfort you until both of you could go back to the dinner table together, plus scare off the woman if you allowed him.

“How about we go back to the table? I didn’t mean to cause a commotion.” Soobin shook his head slowly, his black bangs moving to cover his brown, chocolate eyes. “Tell me what’s wrong,” he presses on further while moving closer to you. It was unbearable- everything. From how near he was to feel his breath fan over your lips, from how his dark eyes urged you to tell him what was going on, to you holding your breath, not allowing to suck in a pocket of air for the pounding beat of your heart. You became flustered at how close he is and backed away into the pile of snow you saw earlier. 

Stop, stop! You needed to keep composure!

“Like I said, you don’t have to worry about it. I just wanted to get some fresh air because I felt suffocated in that place where everyone was staring at us. I’m so sorry for making you guys feel embarrassed, this is all my fault.”

“But it isn’t your fault! I should’ve dug deeper into her intentions before inviting her over. You know fully well that nobody will replace you so please, buttercup? Tell me what’s bugging you,” he pleaded, “I know everything about you, but you’re hiding something and that’s making me go crazy.”

Well, that little- of course you had to hide it! Was he that dumb?!

“Are you serious?! You know everything about me?! She said that I liked you since I met you- and hell, that’s true! I just- I really really like you! You haven’t been seeing all the signs I send you, no matter how much I try. It’s clear to everyone that I like you, but you don’t know it- the only person I desperately want to know about how I feel! Something in me must’ve snapped when you flirted with them back there, and I couldn’t help myself! The jealousy just slammed me against the ground and-” before you could speak any longer, Soobin shushed you silent with his lips against yours softly.

It was a way to shut you up; you instantly stopped ranting as soon as he brought you in deeper with his intoxicating lips. He tasted as sweet as strawberries, encouraging you to relish in the feeling of finally having someone you pined for so long. Your words fell into his mouth as you kissed him back immediately, bringing him closer to your freezing arms. His chest pushed against yours until your back hit the cold brick walls.

Warm butterflies fluttered in your stomach, shooting out swirls of what you called fuzzies to run through your veins. It was finally what you waited for. 

It’s love.

Soobin’s hand lingers to the one you placed on his chest, clutching it as if it was the last time. You chuckled at his eagerness, but that doesn’t mean either of you pulled away! Because seriously, you don’t have to watch a video to know that he likes you for the nth time. It’s the way that he giggles into the soft yet passionate kiss you both share that you finally know- after all this time, your crush really does like you. 

.’*/ (ㅇㅅㅇ❀)＼*’..’*/ (ㅇㅅㅇ❀)＼*’.

Posted: 11/18/20- 1:08am

Tags:

@honeijun-writes !! honeibunch, i finished it after a while !! yayaya, thank you for waiting 🥺<33

[yconic]

"Divorce is a special kind of pain. It's like death without a body, " is what they say when two halves of a whole heart separate.

Tony never understood when he was younger, never extended the notion of two people who gifted each other to eternity in union splitting up beyond 'Just not talking for a bit.'

He looked at it from a small perspective belonging to a small person, as if the people in question were just two good friends who couldn't decide on what game to play, hurt each other, and needed space.

His parents had done it more times than he cared to count. The frigid silences and artificial prompt politeness between the socialite power couple Howard and Maria Stark could last for two days, or two months, depending on how deep the issue picked out that time ran.

Tony sat straight as he watched the clock tick away, dutifully counting the hours that would bring Maria closer to home from whichever elicit travel affair she filled her time with while Howard closes himself into his workshop, stewing in anger and bitterness that leak out from the door he's not permitted to trespass.

He learns to measure the gravity of their squabbles, - If it's a small argument, Maria picks Germany, France, or Spain. She sends a letter stating the duration of her stay. She sends Tony well wishes, with a touch of formality for a mother, and her name is elegantly plastered on the bottom in cursive.

When Howard fucks up, she picked China, Britain, or Italy, and she disappeared from the earth until she emerged at her like. Howard is Howard, - the relationship between him and his son was too cold for Tony to tell how his father was like without the disdain gleaming in his eyes, but the liquor cabinet always needed at least a daily refill after a spectacular drama.

He looks back at those moments and realizes, with a shade of pity coated in something more sour, mellow but active, that divorce was never an option for them, the cycle of co-dependency and maintaining legacy had to be kept no matter how demanding that task was.

He can't bring himself to be angry when he feels so bad for them. All that money, and they couldn't buy a second of peace.

It doesn't take long for him to realize his parents don't love each other.

Tony was young, but he was never a child. He was naive, gullible, innocent, - but he was awake. While he didn't clearly understand what love was, he looked at the unhappy frowns on the miserable faces of the pair and thought: 'If that's how love looks like I want no part in it.'

He doesn't love people for more than one night, - A full week if their company was good enough to distract him from the rich golden color of his whiskey that gradually tastes bitter, and more bitter every time. It's not love, he knows, - He keeps that special for his family. But the kind of feeling he has with strangers, with nobody's with a name, resembles what he knows of love too much for him to change meaning.

He won't know how "love" feels like. He refuses to be the caged bird his mother was, to take form in the monster Howard let himself become.

Then, life gives him Steve.

He nests into Tony's life like a storm with skin, hair kissed by sunshine and eyes filled with an ocean that the brunette longs to sink into. He has a boyish charm to him, an old soul that swoops Tony off his feet. It makes him want to slow down, even if he belongs to the future, to activity, to progress. He wants to sit and listen to the stories Steve has, told in a Brooklyn swird that gives character to every word.

Steve looks at him like Rhodey told him all people should look at him. 'Like they can't see the status, or the money, or the power. Like they just see Tony, and nothing more. Because Tony will always be enough. ' Steve looks at him like he hangs the moon for him.

Tony never stood a chance. He looked at Steve, and thinks: "Oh, shit. He's It for me."

He just knows that this one, this Captain, decorated to the teeth, hiding in awkwardness at this petty mingling, social climbing Gala, lowering himself at the bar because he didn't know anybody, was made for him. And if Steve clings to Tony the whole night, he agrees with the parallel drawing out on his part.

He doesn't leave Tony's side, arm snug and comfortable around his middle like they've known each other for longer than time itself, and Tony loves it more than he has the courage to say.

Steve looks at him when the epilogue of the night strikes, too soon for either of their likings. He's tall, broad-shouldered, strong but has the softest eyes in the world. It hurts Tony to arch his neck to stare, but he doesn't want to miss a thing. "I've... I didn't laugh like that since I was in tour. You made my night, Tony."

"It's nothing, -" Because it really is. Considering the sins to his name, the least he can do to atone some mistakes is make as much people as happy as he can. And Happy is a great look on Steve.

He does learn one thing: When Steve says something, it stays how Steve says it. "No, its everything, Tony. I didn't smile once since coming home, " he croaks, like the confession pains him, and Tony aches alongside him. "Everyone is worried about me, saying that, that I seem upset, or sad, or just, never happy anymore, but how else am I supposed to feel?"

"You can't let others tell you how you feel, " Tony soothes, without thinking, a hand softly brushing against Steve's cheek. A frisson zaps through him at the feeling of the soldier's stubble spiking his skin. Steve leans into his touch like it's the most normal thing in the world. Tony's heart grows. "It's not even in your control, so why should it be in theirs? " He understands how Steve feels. More than the world would care to listen.

"Exactly. So, if it's not too much trouble, " his shyness compliments Tony's smitten. "Would you mind making me smile again?"

Tony is, utterly, indubitably, irrevocably, without a shade of doubt, fucked.

He smiles anyway. "You know, soldier, I think I could pull some strings."

---

Their love is like rain in June. It's mellow and distractingly peaceful, makes their worry and everything that ever went wrong scarce away. They can breathe around each other even when they feel like drowning. For once, Tony feels like it'll be okay.

But Life decides to do what it always does when Tony finds something good. It takes, and it takes, until there's nothing.

Steve tells him about Bucky. About the fallen brother that vanished in the mission that stole everything for Steve. "Only one soldier fell off that train, but two died that day, " God, Tony is so worried when Steve talks like that. "It should've been me. I wanted it to be me."

Tony listens and he pictures Rhodey falling. Steve loved Bucky in ways he couldn't even hope to understand.

It turns out, Death is not something so permanent after all.

It's a lovely night for them when Steve gets that call. He's wrapped around Tony and holds him in his arms as if he'd rather go to war again than let him go and Tony's heart never beat so loud for anyone. He would have never let Steve answer if he knew that phone call was the beginning of their end.

Bucky's alive again, is reborn from snow and war and ashes. Broken, but alive. Held captive by terrorists and is unmade, undid, but still alive. Everything around Steve is lost after that.

Tong gives him space and resources, help, support, he gives everything to Steve like on their wedding day. He gives him his care and gentle hands and soft words and love with a heartbeat. And Steve is just... Too preoccupied looking at Bucky to notice. Tony feels like a selfish bastard for wanting his soldier to look at HIM instead of coddling his friend at every moment notice.

He wants Steve to stop suffocating Bucky when he already looks like he's just inhaling instead of breathing.

He wants his husband back.

That's why he deserves what's coming to him. That's his punishment.

They drift apart slowly, as most terrible pains start.

Steve starts spending more and more time around the mental help facility Bucky asked to be enlisted into after his hasty return that had everyone clutching at their pearls. He wants to do it alone, Tony figures easily, starves for a journey he wants to walk himself, for the kind of autonomy only a man who lost it for too long craves.

His bitterness aside, Tony marvels at how similar they are. Maybe In another life, he and Barnes would've made a handsome pair of kindred souls.

Steve doesn't agree. He looks sickened, struck even, at Tony for having the Gall to suggest maybe Barnes would be more responsive if he talked with someone who had mirroring experiences. "God, Tony, you don't... You're not a soldier. You're just a man. You've been through pain, sure, but not like Bucky. No one went through what he did. I'm honestly speechless you ever thought you could compare."

Steve says that, it's why it hurts so bad. The man who swore he'd walk back into the hellfire of war just to find the people who hurt Tony and tear them apart.

The man who couldn't be moved by anything. No nightmare, no night terror, no panic attack, no argument. Nothing convinced Steve to leave. He stayed through it all.

The man who cried relentlessly when Rhodey walked Tony down the alter because 'He couldn't believe how lucky he was to marry someone so beautiful.'

The man who hasn't written Tony a love letter every morning like he used to do in over a year.

The man who spent more time sleeping in hospital rooms than in their bed.

The man who used to not go even one day without saying "I love you". Tony can't even remember the last time this sentence was spoken between them unless he said it first.

The man who agreed to couple therapy, then acted like it rained the next day.

Tony would will himself to shove this under the rug. To put a blind eye to it, to make it work, to ignore Rhodey's disapproval and Pepper's warm worry, to push away the pain blossoming in his chest, threatening to overspill.

But this man adopted a child with him.

---

"That one" Steve points to a small boy, thin but sturdy-looking even in the hand me downs from the orphanage, short limbs supporting a mess of brown hair that looks impossibly soft. His eyes are big and kind. Tony wants to take him home and feed him. "That one's ours."

His name is Peter, and he got into a fight with older kids when they wanted to stomp on ladybugs. He pushes back, but not unkindly. He's no bully. Instead, he takes the time to teach them why disrespecting and hurting nature is wrong, then takes their hands into his own, playing with the tiny creatures for hours.

Tony falls in love immediately. "Let's bring him home, Cap."

---

He can't do it. Tony can't look into Peter's adoring eyes, wide and brown that feel more like a mirror than anything, and see the fear he had for Howard, or the sadness for Maria. Tony can't handle looking at the love of his life and see another him.

Steve is Peter's role model. His knight in shining armor, his protector, everywhere he goes he sings praise to anyone who cares to listen. About his fearless father, his heroic antics that seem so tall for him. "My daddy's a superhero!" Tony doesn't have the heart to take that away.

And Tony loves Steve too much to see him become Howard.

So when Steve misses their son's 5th birthday party because he had more pressing business in D.C, Tony realizes bitterly, there's no saving this. People labeled him as a mechanic, a futurist, but he feels unworthy of both when he couldn't fix or foresee this.

There's no coming back from this.

Natasha doesn't voice it, but she doesn't need to. She tucks her phone away after a third failed attempt to coax, threaten, and guilt Steve into joining them, with muted movements, and Tony can tell she agrees.

Tony's grin is too wide when he looks down at Peter when he drags him off to paint his face, unaware of his father's turmoil. He laughs. He smiles. He celebrates. He has a nice day with his family.

He pulls Pepper aside and asks her to prepare his lawyers in the same breath.

This is why Tony knew love wasn't made for him.

---

Tony's always been good at hurting himself. The more pain he inflicts on himself, the less it'll hurt when someone else does it. So he unpacks the stash of letters he kept locked away in a seif, because they're prized to him, more than any sleek car or company, and reads them before he burns the bridge.

They feel like warm kisses and goodbyes.

'Left for a grocery jog, ran out of coffee. It's supposed to be cold, so don't you even think about leaving the house without a jacket! I'll know. Take care of yourself, even when I'm not there. '

' I love waking up next to you every morning. I love how you hide from the sun in my chest. I love how grumpy you are when Pepper calls for updates and all you do is cuddle me and whine. I love your messy bed hair and how you fall asleep in the shower.

'I never cared for jewelry before but seeing my ring around your finger never gets old. I still can't believe you said yes, but I'm glad you did. You deserve more, but you settled for someone like me. I can't believe it when you say no one would want you forever, I hate that someone made you think like that, that they let you go, but their biggest mistake is my biggest win. Jokes on them.'

'I can't imagine my life without you. Its all radio silence and broken static. Like an artist with a blank canvas and grey paint. You're the best damn thing that ever happened to me, and the fact that I have you means there really is someone up there looking our for me. I'm never letting you go. I love you, I love you, I love you, '

Tony stains the paper with tears as he listens to the song of heartbreak in his chest.

---

"Nat, " Tony pleads, choosing not to look at the tremor in his hands as he neats the papers he wants to see burn. "There's no need for that, come on. You know I love you, but I'm a big boy. I don't need you to hold my hand for this."

Natasha shrugs. "Indulge me."

"He wouldn't do anything to me."

"I thought there were lots of things he wouldn't do. Like stop loving you, for one, " she doesn't mean to be a jab, but Tony strokes his right arm and lets the hurt wash off. He sometimes forgets how blunt and terrifying Pepper's wife is capable of being. "Being paranoid is worth being safe."

They find Steve in the kitchen, sitting stiff and unfamiliar as if he didn't design the place himself. Tony swallows down the pressure in his throat and forces his eyes to stay dry. He wants to rest his hands on Steve's shoulders and pepper the lines of laughter on his flushed face with kisses.

But they're behind that now.

Steve raises his eyes to look at him. He's tired, run-down, missing the spark Tony marked as one of his favorite traits of the blonde. The life wasted from them, telling Tony that he's surviving, but not living.

Tony looks at him back and his eyes say, 'Me too.'

Steve's mouth twists into an imitation of a smile, tries his luck at mimicking something of the reassurance and ease variety, to hide his emotions with a mask of cracked peace Tony undressed a million times, just as Steve undressed his. He's always been good at reading the man. Or, was.

Steve's eyes fall on the documents Tony's holding with his naked hands, no ring in sight, and Tony watches something die in him.

The room drowns in silence for a while.

Natasha stands as a loyal shadow at his side, silent but sharp, hands folded in front of her crotch like a guard dog waiting to pounce. There's a forced calm into her breathing that puts him even more on edge.

Papers brush smoothly above the marble surface, ear piercing to him. Red hot blazing into white noise. It's the most terrible sound he's ever heard. He prefers his breathless, agonized screams in Afghanistan to this.

Steve recoils away, standing up suddenly and shakily, as if the documents are bombs about to kill him anytime now.

He turns his head, refusing to look at them. Refuses to accept they're real.

"Throw those away, Tony, " he says, voice edged with the kind of suffering that would bring Tony to his knees on other circumstances."Get them the hell away from me and never bring them up again, you hear me? I'm serious.''

Carefully, Natasha chimes in, tone mild and neutral. " Steve. Tony would like to speak with you about something, alright? Let's sit down, and talk like grown-ups, -"

"Where's your ring!?" Steve shouts, tiptoeing at the border of desperate and hysteric. Tony wants back into the cave, wants the water to take him away from all of this. It's hard to kill something that's already dead. "What did you do with it!? Why aren't you wearing it!? You PROMISED me, you promised you'd never take it off you JERK, you lying -"

"And you promised to love me until the day we die, but by the looks of it we both could use a lesson in honesty, " Tony cuts icily, colder than colder. His words are resigned, hollow, at the brim of mechanical. He thinks all the people who say Starks are more machine than men had a point. "I'm the fuck up in this relationship. What's your excuse?"

He thought he'd feel vindication watching Steve taste a fraction of his sorrow, that his destroyed look would make something in Tony retaliate. It does nothing. Tony loves him stronger, fiercer, and there's no win here for anyone.

His mouth tastes like ashes.

He just wants to stop, to sink in his bed and swim in ratty hoodies drenched in cheap but sweet cologne, smudged with paint of all shades, and feel Steve's arms shield him from the world.

He wonders if it'll keep Steve up at night, how it never occurred to him that the danger he wanted to defend Tony from might have his face.

"I'll do better. Tony please," Steve begs him, and Tony wonders if the situation is so low a man with his nature would resort to that. He's shaken by big hands engulfing his own for exactly a moment before Natasha intervenes, pushing the blonde away with a hint of regret. Steve recovers, looks right through her at Tony who wants to wipe his tears away. "I'll do better, I'll- I'll spend less time with Bucky if you want, -"

"Bucky isn't the problem. It's not about HIM, it was never about him, this is US, Steve. We, our marriage, our family, its been here longer than Bucky. I never wanted you to - to erase him from your life, I just wanted my husband. Peter wanted his daddy. Bucky could've been apart of that, but you just, you just pushed us aside,-"

"I won't do that anymore. I, - Do you want me to be at home more often? I can, sweetheart, I can do that no problem. I can be at home, I can make time for dates and-and for activities, I can take Peter to the park and play ball, - Do you remember that? How we used to play until he fell asleep? I don't mind, its no problem, -"

Something in Tony snaps.

"WE'RE NOT YOUR FUCKING CHORES," His voice is more roar than man, ragged, tight, pushed to the last limit. The garden of silent pain, fury, rage, and fear he's been harboring finally blossomed into something that seemed to shake the world. His body shudders. "We're not some,- some pestering tasks that you have to save your precious time to complete! Some fucking pets other people have to force you to care of, or some dirty laundry you decide to wear whenever you feel like washing! We're your damn FAMILY,- " A sob hitches his anger, and by the broken look on Steve's face, it's worse than any rage.

He narrows his eyes in disbelief, as if Steve was some stranger and not someone he gave years of his life to. A laugh is pushed out of his chest, choked, long, and terrible. "I would've ended this sooner if, - God, if I knew how much of a burden we became for you."

"Tony, Tony don't say that, " Steve's face is blotched red, painted in punishing torment. "I love you and Peter more than anything in this life. You're mine, both of you, how can you think I don't love you? I, -"

"Just love Bucky more, " Tony finishes, note flat, accepting, rehearsed. His voice feels as hollow as his chest when Steve flinches. "I'm just... I'm so tired. Steve,I'm tired, and- I can't do it anymore. My son, my baby is not going to be a burden on anybody. I can put up with a lot of shit, but Peter is my limit. I can't and I won't put anyone above him. Not even you."

Horror shines bright and clear on the blue eyes Tony loves so much. He spots Steve's finger tremble at his sides, notices the hesitant movement of his Addams apple.

Natasha was wrong. It's a rare occurrence, but it happened.

Steve never stopped loving him.

It makes signing the papers so much harder.

---

Steve lost Bucky to ice, snow, and time. Tony loses Steve to fire, anger, and distance.

---

Pepper is surprised when she hears Steve ended up signing willingly.

She doesn't want to ruin the calm air that finally settled over the emotion packed atmosphere surrounding the living room, currently stashed with carton boxes filled with Steve's stuff, ready to be delivered tomorrow as Tony wanted, but it's a needed talk.

"What did you say to convince him?" She asks, not demanding an answer but clearly expecting one. "I'd just assume Nat had him in an arm lock until he agreed, but, in all honesty, Steve would probably lose an arm than do what people tell him to. Seriously, I've seen anarchists with more respect for authority than this guy."

Tony laughs, too loving and too fond for this predicament. "I said you'd drag his ass through every courtroom in America and drain him of everything he's worth?"

"Mmm. Try again. I mean, that's a Sunday for me, but he's already heard that talk before." Giggles are shared between the pair on the couch, snuggled under fuzzy blankets with wine glasses that clink slightly. Pepper's face relaxes into something sympathetic, earnest. "Was it something Peter related?"

"No, " he shakes his head. It never crossed his mind once, no matter how hurt he was. It felt too much like what his father would do. " Peter is his son, too. No matter what happens between us. There's no changing that. "

"No one would blame you if it came down to that, you know that, right?"

He hums. Pepper waits.

"I asked him to let me say goodbye to my husband instead of forcing me to stay with Howard."

A sharp intake of breath settles something cold beneath Tony's skin. He closes his eyes, and accepts the wine Pepper pours in his cup, neither commenting on how it spills over the rim.

---

Talking to Peter is the hardest part.

He doesn't understand why suddenly there's only two people there instead of three, why he isn't woken up by two pairs of arms tickling him and kissing his sleepy eyelids every morning, why Tony's laughter isn't echoing through the house as Steve spins and twists him around in the living room dance session they had at least once a week.

Why, apparently, Steve now has a permanent residence in DC and can only see him twice a week as their legal agreement states.

Why he has to live in two different places and split his playtime.

Why Tony bought a new apartment and they had to move away, stretching the distance between them and Steve.

"Is Papa comin' home today?" A hand squeezes Tony's heart painfully tight at the small question. He looks down at his son, smaller than usual and playing with his fingers at his feet. His frail shoulder raise, housing an anxious breath as he awaits an answer.

Tony takes his tiny hand in his own, leaning down to press kisses on the back of his son's palm, apology on his lips. "Yeah, baby. He has to come and pick up his stuff. Maybe you can play a little when he arrives! I'm sure he'll be happy to see you. "

Steve sends Sam to pick up his things and Tony feels guilt bite at him for hissing 'coward' in his mind.

Peter is excited to see his uncle Sam but the disappointment when he hears a truck coming instead of the deep rumble of a motorcycle engine doesn't wash off. He soldiers on, smiles for Sam because as little as he is, he's careful with people and their emotions. His goodness is organic. He takes after Steve like that.

Sam's always been frustratingly talented at deciphering his thoughts, even when his face is emotionless. It's one of the many reasons why Tony thinks him and Rhodey match so well. "He said he's really sorry he couldn't come, but... Okay, his excuse is just sad, because I doubt you'd believe he'd rather attend a Zoomba class than see you and Peter. Truth is, he's scared."

"Of facing me?"

"Of hurting you."

"Yeah, well, he's already got that job done on the to do list, " Tony huffs, petty and aware. He tosses Peter his baseball that lands in the backyard, gently nudging him away from the conversation. They watch the ball of energy squeal in delight as he runs to fetch it, tension momentarily on hold. "Sorry. You don't need my shit. Let's just load this and be done with it."

Sam huffs. "Man, I've been involved with your shit for a while. Appreciate the feeling but it's a bit late for that. Trust me, me and Rhodey have in length discussions about it. I'm neck-deep in white boy drama, but well, sacrifices of the job. Not much you can do."

He's playful, Tony knows this, in the corner of his brain that isn't raided by anxiety, yet fear claws at him, sharp and cruel and unexpected. Coldness spreads inside him like wildfire, almost matching the thoughts racing in his mind. Sam and Rhodey were talking? Were they arguing? Had Tony harmed Rhodey's relationship as if he didn't wreck his own enough?

"Talk?" Tony rasps, pushes the words out of his constricted throat that seems to close more and more, synchronizing with his lungs. Sam's wide, concerned eyes tells him the surface looked as bad as the inside."You... You and Rhodey, you guys- Bad talk? You, you fought about it?"

His mind torments him by showcasing Rhodey yelling in Sam's face and Sam yelling back, both standing their ground like two soldiers on a mission and defending their friends like avenging angels. Rhodey is more brother than friend, he'd take his side, like the devoted friend he always proved himself to be, but he watches with a cut breath as Rhodey locks himself in his room and weeps.

Rhodey sharing his fate is Tony's own horror movie.

"...ony! Tony, deep breaths, come on, " gentle hands guide him away from the void his own psyche trapped him into, speaking in a low voice that plucks him back up little by little. "Come on, in and out. Focus on my voice, that's good. Listen to me, Rhodey and I did not and will not fight about this. We're fine, Tony, promise! We agreed, no side pickers. This isn't war, and we won't get into some life or death fight for your and/or Steve's honor, " he tries for a little grin. ''I mean, I'm not supposed to tell you, but we don't like you guys that much."

Tony laughs, at once, a pathetically small sound, but he's grounded enough to laugh. He basks in the lack of sound around them, like the silence of an after battle, suffocating, but free.

The quiet hangs in the air as they load the truck, too, not oppressing, but welcomed, with a touch of comfort that burns just right. When the last box is secured and road-ready, him and Sam stay just a bit on the porch to stare at the house. Because that's what it is, isn't?

'Is papa comin' home?'

There is no home. Not if Steve's missing.

"Steve said you can keep those, if you want," that sentence made Tony hunch his shoulders, releasing that bitter aftertaste in his mouth again, blending with something sweet, and igniting the warmth that pierced as deep as his very marrow. "Nothing he loves or wants back is in those boxes."

Yes, Tony wants to scream. I want to keep the sketchbooks he has for me. I want to keep the photo albums. I want to keep the paint, the charcoal, the brushes. I want to keep the stuffed animals he won me at the fairs. I want to keep his clothes. I want to keep the dances in the living room. I want to keep his love, attention, care, worry, sadness, anger, grief. I want to keep my husband.

Instead, Tony reaches for his back pocket, and squeezes his ring. It burns in his palm, almost begging him to put it back in it's place, or on his finger, where it fitted like it always belonged. His being feels it, as if connected, and he decides to even the odds in the cowardice department.

Sam holds his breath as Tony hands him the ring, with hesitance, with no indication he wants to. "You sure about this?" It's a careful question, painfully gentle, far softer than Tony deserves.

No. Not by a long shot. "Yeah, " he mutters, almost lost in the air. "It's not mine anymore."

Sam curls his hand around the ring, pockets it, and Tony wrestles with the urge to ask for it back. His eyes are trained to the floor, on his shoes, the fine leather ones Steve bought for him on their anniversary, he realizes.

He watches droplets of water splash and dissolve into the concrete. It's raining, he figures, he should take Peter inside or he'll catch a cold. He looks up to watch the dark clouds, and the senine blue above mocks him.

"It's okay, " Rhodey picked a good one, Tony thinks, as Sam covers his crying form away from Peter's eyes. "It's okay, Tony. Just... Let it out. You earned this."

"I tried, " he sobs in Sam's neck, sobs his demise his failure, his bottled cocktail of emotions that waited to implode. "I tried, Sam, I tried so hard, I swear I did."

"We know you did, Tony. We all know."

---

Peter wants to meet Bucky one day.

"Papa used to talk about him all the time, " He says, oblivious to how vexed Tony is hearing that. He apprehends himself, reproaching that he should be over it already. "He sounds pretty cool! I want to see his Terminator arm!"

"It's a Tin Man or Robocop arm, at best, " He smirks at the pout Peter throws his way, smoothing it out with his thumb. "And he's in a hospital. You and I hate hospitals, remember?"

Peter whines and makes his eyes larger, pitifully glassy and sad, just the way to wrap Tony around his little finger. "Daddyyyy, pleeeease!" He hooks his fingers around his arm, hugging it close to his chest and his lower lip trembles.

He imagines Steve behind him, smothering a laugh in his shoulder, egging Peter on like two conspirational buddies. He melts, pushing the rush of yearning back, and knows it's a battle lost. Peter is too lovable, too determined, too bright eyed.

He's morbidly curious, in a way, to see what was so special about Bucky that it made Steve want to trade that.

---

Bucky and Peter hit it off in a heartbeat.

The facility hosting Bucky is uncomfortably pristine, from door corner to ceiling. Everything is tailored and arranged with ridiculous precision, clinical, professional, boring, and detached, as most medical spaces are. His workshop dances circles around it in the personality field, and he tells Bucky as such.

He laughs at him. "That's an interesting way to say you're a chronic untidy mess."

'Chronic untidy hot mess, " Tony corrects, hating how easily he falls into conversation with him. He tells himself it's merely a distraction from the stomach twisting smell of medicine, stingy and sharp smothering the air. "How offensive. I demand a trial by combat. Peter, make him pay in blood!"

Peter turns to Bucky, unblinking. "Your hair's greasy."

A theatrical gasps spreads in the room from the blue eyed brunette. Tony beams, kissing Peter's cheek. "That's my boy. I'm sure Bucky's bleeding a lot on the inside."

"Yeah. You know, where blood usually is, " Bucky snarks, heatless, propping Peter off from the spot on his leg and putting him on the ground . "Why don't you go ask nurse Joy to give you some magnets for the arm? Your father and I gotta talk adult business."

"Uncle Clint says adult business is just gossip for grown ups. " Peter retorts, smirk on his lips, half raising on the edges of his mouth. He got the smugness from him, that much Tony will admit. Bucky huffs a laugh that mirror Tony's own and waits for Peter to be out of the hearing range to say his next words.

"I owe you an apology."

Tony blinks, hastily, and speaks before he can even register what he's saying. "No, you don't. Drop it." It comes off razor sharp, yet Bucky must be used to worse, because he doesn't falter.

"I ruined your marriage. There's no forgiving that, but I DO regret it and you'll damn well listen to what I have to say."

"Look, I appreciate it. I do. I'm not... Mad at you. You're just in the crossfire of this clusterfuck. There's no forgiving because there's nothing to forgive, " he murmurs under his breath, words quiet, but sincere, he realizes. "My failure is my own to carry. "

"Stark, relationships need more than one person. Stevie ain't exactly blameless in this whole thing, - Far from it, trust me, I let him know. He got the scolding of the damn lifetime, because he threw away a damn good thing. He made a home for himself and then demolished it. You didn't hand him the sledgehammer, he picked it up on his own dumb self."

"You know, your philosophy lesson would impact me better with wizard lingo. Throw in a riddle or a prophecy and I might bite. " Receiving a blank stare to his quip, Tony sighed, eyes downcast.

"Look. I called it off, alright? I lit up the matches, I burned down the bridge, and I watched it turn to ash. But it was meant to happen, one way or another. We were just too different. Guys like me break the world apart. Men like Steve put it back together. He'll move forward. Like he always does."

Bucky's reply is instant. "No, no he won't, " it's said with such conviction, with such a finality, that it has Tony freezing. "He'll never move on. Not from this. I've never seen him like that for anybody, hell, never seen ANYONE like that. You and him? That's a forever kind of deal. You don't need a ring and name change for that to last. You don't have a choice."

Tony swallows, slowly, unsure. "So what? We just keep path crossing like fate has us tied together, in each other 's range but standing on parallel lines, never meant to cross? This isn't a fairytale, Barnes. It's real life. And even if it wasn't, that's still far from fair."

"It is real life. Which means it ain't fair, Stark. "

Tony takes Peter home, cuddles him closely as if he might disappear, and eyes the empty area around the right side of the bed with a lonely glint that burns in the darkness.

---

The first time Tony meets Steve after the divorce, it's for Natasha's birthday party.

Time jumps from slow to fast, alters between stagnation and overwhelming in the first 6 months that pass after the finalization of their parting. Some days are agonizingly slow. As if the world wants him to stomach every second, consume every minute, where Steve is not with him, isn't his anymore, and choke on the pain that tastes just as sharply as the first time.

And in some, time goes by in blink record, not keen on giving Tony the courtesy of healing, of moving on, of according him the patience or kindness in adapting his feelings to his pace, to accommodate to the arrangement it dragged him in.

Concern crawls inside him regardless of how many times he buries it, makes a tangly nest right in his chest, and makes no effort to move. He doesn't blame Steve for not wanting to meet him, to look at him, to give him the chance of staring into the bright, baby blue eyes that hold everything beautiful in the world.

Tony's seen the wonders of the world, all 8 them, and they all pale put next to Steve.

He feels seething, scalding guilt showering him for thinking that. Because Steve is not his to worry over, not his to call wonderful, not his to care for. Not anymore. He repeats that like a mantra against his eardrum when Natasha asks him if it's fine if she invites him to her party, too.

It's the perfect excuse to see how he's doing, but Tony elects to ignore that and remind Natasha grown-ass people don't ask other grown-ass people for permission on what to do. "Do I look like Pepper to you? No? Then why would I order you around?"

A discreet smile reaches Natasha's features, exhibiting confidence but betraying relief. She loves them both, Tony knows, and wants her friends first, not the fallen lovers. "Just wanted to know if I should hide the sharp knives or prepare some spare sheets."

His face heats ferociously, climbing all the way to the tips of his ears, and all the embarrassment in the world is worth listening to Natasha laugh. Something sharp-edged inside of him brittles at the prospect of seeing Steve, thought, and he holds his tongue from saying something of that nature won't happen.

In the company of his solitude and shame, Tony wonders later, is he afraid of seeing Steve again because he fears the blonde is not doing okay, or because he is?

Later on, he sees Steve stand in flash before him, chatting with some faceless figures, hair longer than last time and flattened slightly at the nape, sporting a beard that framed his gorgeous face perfectly. The impeccable balance between scruffy and well-groomed. Tony itched to run his fingers against it.

"It's the divorce beard, " Clint muses, elbow jolting Tony in the side to show the humor. "Give him a few more weeks, and you'll see him shopping from the Hobo shop. All wrinkled shirts and ketchup stained clothes or something. Men are useless without their wives.'' He winks in Tony's way, but Tony is too entranced by Steve to acknowledge it.

His fists are bruised, Tony notes with a wince as he gets drunk on Steve's form with a studious gaze, creamy skin battered and laced in a cluster of dark purple, crimson, and small patches of yellow shaping his knucklebones.

A trail of question rests blistering on his tongue. 'What happened? Who did that? Who were you fighting? Why? Are you okay? Did you win?' But he closes his eyes and bites his tongue, knowing these questions don't belong to him anymore.

He gave up his rights to that.

But then, Tony spots them.

His breath is knocked out of his lungs in a silent punch, eardrums pushing out all the sound attempting to penetrate his ears. His fingers loosen so much they almost drop his water, feeling tingly numb. Tony's eyes, large and surprised, trace the circle of gold curled around Steve's fourth finger, gleaming softly against the artificial light around the dining room.

Steve is still wearing his ring.

But then, his chest burns and booms, heart roars fiercely behind his ribcage as he notices the thin string of black leather circling around Steve's neck, loose as a necklace, hanging low enough for Tony to eye the shape of metal halo looped right in the middle of the material.

Steve was wearing Tony's ring, too.

The realization left him petrified in place, more statue than man, in stunned shock as he bore into his former lover who only then noticed the brown eyes looking at him, transparent astonishment clear as crystal in his features.

It's like a spell breaks.

Tony's limbs move mechanically, on autopilot, running to the nearest room, getting himself away from what his body detects as danger. Urgency is packed on his step, taking him to the bathroom in record time, but Steve's always been the runner, more athletic between them, and his sprinting lands him a spot in the sleat Tony wass about to slam.

He's pinned to a wall effective immediately, feels cold tiles plant clammy kisses on the back of his head and neck. Tony almost hisses at the force of the slam, but before he can make a peep, his lips are stolen in a savage, fierce kiss.

It's pure desperation conveyed in the most unconventional way. Steve pounces on him, lips wild against Tony's own, pouring every emotion he went through in the past few months,- Longing, yearning, craving, hunger, desire, - his being, his love, his soul into that kiss, barely giving Tony the chance to breathe.

"St-Steve, " He gasps, head tilting slightly to the side to escape the ministrations, to gulp air, moving to avoid the chase at reconnection Steve is playing at by trying to capture his lips again. "Wait, wait a minute, -"

"Missed you, " Steve's voice is thick with want, hitching in the small puffs of air that came off raggedy and breathless, words melting over Tony's mouth. Steve's face glows with a blush he wants to kiss with inhuman greed. "I missed you, I missed you,Tony I missed you" Tony's fucked.

[jacksgreysays]

Hi yes mix-and-match anon so if you're still interested in the asofterworld version of the prompt when I said 31 I meant 31 off of your old asw promptlist which translates to asw 621. If not interested this is just a hi glad you're active on tumblr again! I still love your writing!

A/N: Hello, mix-and-match anon! :D

I’ll be honest, I’m kinda cheating here because I’ve been kinda wanting to write this particular fic (or some iteration of this particular fic) for a while but I didn’t quite know how to construct it. However your prompt finally launched me in a direction even though it’s definitely drifted away from the prompt itself so thank you! I hope you enjoy even though it’s still kinda rough and I’ll probably be editing it over the next couple of days to make it more coherent and less of a bloated run on mess.

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~

meeting and incidents unraveled

Haruno Sakura is not oblivious to the blessings and advantages she has in life. 

Caring and supportive parents, a stable home life with all of her needs and a majority of her wants met. Tuition at a good school with an intellect and self-discipline to make the most of it. Pretty enough looks to be, if not popular, then well liked among her peers.

She also is not oblivious to the sort of future all of that will give her.

Acceptance at whichever university she chooses, leading to a solid, successful career in whatever field she chooses. Kind and caring relationships paving their way to a kind and caring marriage. A caring, supportive, stable future just as caring, supportive, and stable as her past.

How boring.

But she doesn't have it in her to rebel and break away, grateful for those blessings and advantages for all that they keep her on a track. There's nothing wrong with success and stability. She's not oblivious to that, at least.

She just wishes for something a little bit... more.

---

I love the way your face lights up

when someone says,

"It might be dangerous."

(I am glad we are friends.)

---

(it could have gone like this)

"Do you think she's lost?" Sakura asks her classmates, bringing their attention to the window. Clean up duties after school are hardly fun, so any distraction is a welcome one.

There's a girl standing in the shadow of the tree in the courtyard. About their age, maybe, but the school uniform doesn't match theirs at all. Almost as if she feels Sakura's gaze, the girl meets her eyes and smiles--but surely that's not right. Sakura is up on the third floor.

"What are you talking about?" Tanaka-kun asks, looking out the window and somehow failing to see. Their other classmates on clean up duty also look, but none of them spot the girl either.

"Oh, nothing," Sakura says, dropping the matter immediately. She doesn't want to be known as the weirdo who sees things that aren't there. "I can't believe Honda-sensei assigned so much homework over the weekend!" She deflects and her classmates follow the prompt easily, the new topic of conversation out of her hands.

When Sakura looks back out the window, the girl in the shadow of the tree waves.

---

Magic is better with three.

This is what Sakura learns after discovering magic is real, after discovering that she herself has magic.

Magic is better with three and magic has different Aspects and the different Aspects of magic resonate with different people.

Sakura's magic, she learns, has Aspects of Earth and Healing and Growth. Those are powerful Aspects, she's been told, she can do a lot of good with that even on her own.

But young magicians are put in teams for a reason. Magic seeks balance. The consequences of misusing magic--of overreaching with magic--are extreme at best and horrifying at worst. 

Some lessons are learned the hard way.

---

(it could have gone like this)

"Oh, that's Shikako," Ino answers when Sakura finally brings it up weeks after the fact. Ino's magic has the Aspects of Mind and Flora and Adaptation which resonates nicely with Sakura's--perhaps in another world, they might have ended up on the same team, but in this particular world, well. Naruto and Sasuke are powerful magicians, but they're not very good at answering her questions...

"Shikamaru is one of my teammates," Ino continues, easily, "Shikako is his twin sister." Then her voice drops, tone a little more serious, a little more secretive. "Her Aspects never manifested." 

Sakura hasn't fully absorbed all the nuances of magical culture, but this at least she can understand: without Aspects, Shikako can never use active magic.  

"But she's absolutely brilliant with the academic side and she already has some research projects from the council," Ino says, quick to balance her words, and that along with the thinly veiled guilt is enough for Sakura to put the matter aside, moving on to other questions.

Still, though, it haunts her; somehow, simultaneously, in two different ways:

Shikako had been the one to find her. The girl in the shadow of the tree following a prototype magic seeker and finding a different girl who had never heard of magic, would never have known of the magic within her. Without Shikako, would she still be that magic-less boring girl destined for that magic-less boring life?

Alternatively, if Shikako had manifested her Aspects, would there even be a space for Sakura in this world of magic?

---

Uzumaki Naruto's Aspects are Sun and Belief and Present. Uchiha Sasuke's Aspects are Moon and Ambition and Past.

There was no doubt that they would be put on the same team.

Frankly, the only question was who could possibly match?

---

(it should have gone like this)

"Do you think she's lost?" Sakura asks her classmates. There's a girl standing in the shadow of the tree in the courtyard; about their age, maybe, but the school uniform doesn't match theirs at all. Almost as if she feels Sakura's gaze, the girl meets her eyes and smiles.

When it seems like none of her classmates can spot the girl in the shadow of the tree, Sakura drops the matter immediately. She doesn't want to be known as the weirdo who sees things that aren't there. She deflects and the new topic of conversation swiftly moves out of her hands.

Sakura looks back out the window, the girl in the shadow of the tree waves. Sakura exits the building, the girl in the shadow of the tree looks at her expectantly.

Sakura could ignore her and keep going--she has homework, after all--but even if she doesn't want to be known as a weirdo amongst her classmates, that doesn't mean she wants nothing interesting to happen in her life ever.

She already knows what will happen if she keeps on walking, ignoring the girl in the shadow of the tree. Sakura will go home, maybe stopping by a store or a cafe on the way. She will do her homework and do her chores and take a bath and eat dinner and sleep and do absolutely nothing out of the ordinary because her life is predictable and that's just a synonym for boring.

So Sakura goes to the tree instead.

"Hello," Sakura says, because even if this girl is merely lost and not some guide to a more exciting world surely there's no harm in being polite. "Can I help you?"

"Maybe," says the girl in the shadow of the tree, lifting one hand palm up. Preemptively, she makes her hand glow with a pale, almost distant light. "Haruno Sakura, do you believe in magic?"

---

Nobody is born with fully manifested magic.

Active magic requires agency, will power and vision. Those are shaped by a magician's sense of self, their personality and convictions. Their Aspects.

There's more, of course. But sometimes more can lead to decisions a little riskier than predicted.

---

(it should have gone like this)

At first there is no team for Sakura which is a little disheartening but also, simultaneously, a relief. Almost all of the other magicians her age have been raised around magic, she already has so much to learn and catch up on that it's almost overwhelming! She can't possibly imagine what it would be like being introduced to a new world and then immediately thrown onto a team with strangers.

But her magical peers are supportive in their own way--most of them friendly, all of them definitely interesting. Their teams are well chosen, Aspects resonating beautifully, and whenever she has the free time in between diving headfirst into her magical studies and maintaining her grades at school she wonders what her teammates will be like. If they'll match her just as nicely. If she'll even have teammates.

"Don't worry," Shikako says with a smile, supportive and kind and definitely interesting. Behind her, her teammates bicker as ever--and while Sakura will admit, blushingly, that she was a little infatuated with Sasuke in the beginning, she would go mad if she had to put up with him and Naruto for too long--but Shikako appears as calm and as fond of them as ever.

"I found you didn't I?"

She did, yes. How she found the time in between her own magical research, high-octane team, and normal schoolwork of her own is baffling to Sakura. She's grateful, of course, but still. Sakura isn't even doing half as much and she's barely keeping up!

"Don't worry," Shikako says again, and if her tone turns a little vague, her gaze going beyond Sakura, well. Shikako is a very powerful magician...

"... you belong in this world. Magic seeks balance."

And Sakura nods, because that is one of the earlier lessons she was taught upon joining the magical world. For all the strangeness of Shikako's tone, it is reassuring. So Sakura nods and continues to voraciously consume all she can about this new world she belongs to so that when her teammates do appear she'll be prepared.

Shikako finds Yakumo first--her Aspects of Sky and Art and Acceptance--then comes Isaribi with the Aspects of Sea and Transformation and Trust. And Sakura finally feels like she actually belongs.

---

Magic is not completely a science, for all that there is cause and effect. It's not entirely an art, either, though some talented magicians make it seem that way. There are some parts of it that are understandable, quantifiable and predicable, but there is so much more that is beyond human comprehension. Even active magic which requires, in essence, humanity, can be beyond explanation. 

Aspects are an attempt at doing so, but for all that they determine the futures of most magicians, they can't perfectly encompass the whole of a magician's power. Because magic exists beyond words and definitions. Even abstract concepts can fail. Trying to apply terminology to magic? Might as well punch a god in the face.

And so when a girl born to the magical world, even if her Aspects manifest a little late, if there already exists a place for her on a team where she resonates so powerfully, well.

Stars and Determination and Future are close enough...

... for a human, that is.

---

(but it actually went like this)

A few months after an ordinary day in which no interesting strangers showed up to derail Sakura's life, she is on her way home from school. She's thinking about maybe stopping by a store or a cafe on the way, but maybe not. She still has to do her homework and chores before she can take a bath and eat dinner and sleep and do absolutely nothing out of the ordinary because her life is predictable and that's just a synonym for boring.

A pair of boys--about her age, maybe, but in school uniforms different from hers--stop her. They've been looking for her, they say, and while the dark-haired one is handsome enough that she'd normally blush and think it romantic first words, his tone and the fact that his blonde friend is also there ruins that theory.

Also, they know her name and that's weird. She says as much, which causes them to start bickering, and in their distracted state she takes the opportunity to escape.

The next day, on her way home from school--along the same, predictable path, of course--she is stopped by a strange man. Both unfamiliar and unusual. Almost his entire face is covered and his hair is grey and he slouches as if in apology for his height. He asks her if she believes in magic. 

She knows a creep when she sees one and runs in the opposite direction. She'll take the long way home.

The next few days she changes up her route going home because, yes, sometimes she's naïve but she's not completely oblivious. It still doesn't really help though, because this time its a trio of strangers--thankfully around her age--but still not great.

"Those idiots," the girl says, flicking her long blonde ponytail in fashionable irritation, "I can't believe they messed up this bad. What an awful first impression, she's already spooked."

One of the boys, dark hair and sleepy eyes, just shrugs and responds, "Well if she's really going to end up on their team, it's not like her second impression is going to be much better."

If they're talking about who she thinks she's talking about she's not exactly pleased with them either.

The other boy, reddish hair and round cheeks, looks her in the eye and gives a friendly smile. Despite the situation, something within Sakura relaxes a little. "Would you like to try out that cafe? Our treat," he says, and its not an entirely unwanted offer. She doesn't have too much work waiting for her at home and she deserves something nice.

"Okay," she says, and lets them pay for her anmitsu while they tell her about magic, the magical world, and how she fits into all of it.

---

Humans are not the only beings capable of magic.

---

(but it actually went like this)

Sakura is worried and overwhelmed and frustrated and she knows she shouldn't complain because she does honestly enjoy magic and the world its brought her into and she wouldn't dare go back to that ordinary, predictable, boring life.

But she wishes that her teammates weren't so abrasive and prickly, that her teacher were a little more engaged. It's been months already since she joined Naruto and Sasuke's team. She doesn't know why they're being so difficult when she hasn't even done anything wrong!

She's headed to the training grounds but in a wandering path, if she's honest. She's normally a punctual person, but Kakashi-sensei has never once been on time and she can just as easily not talk to her teammates here as she can at the training grounds.

The part of the city she's in isn't so urban as to have skyscrapers, but in this district the buildings are all at least several stories and practical, blocky metal and cement. The looming structure made of curving wood and stone looks more like a tree than anything else.

There is a girl standing in the shadow of the tree that isn’t. She meets Sakura's eyes, smiles, and waves.

Sakura has been studying the magical world. Knows about the dangers young magicians can face in a world that wants to eat them alive. Knows that nice exteriors don't necessarily mean kind hearts.

But she also knows, somehow, that if she walks away now she will never see this girl again.

"Hello," Sakura says, because there's no harm in being polite, "Can I help you?"

"Maybe," says the girl in the shadow of the tree that isn't. "Haruno Sakura, do you believe in destiny?"

---

Gelel: Light, Unity, Creation.

Jashin: Void, Suffering, Destruction.

Magic seeks balance.

Magic is better with three.

---

"If you could," the girl begins, a wistful sort of smile on her face, "tell them I said its not their fault. It was entirely on me. I overreached and had to face the consequences."

"What did you do?" Sakura asks before she can swallow down her curiosity

Shikako says, "Some lessons are learned the hard way..."

At first, Sakura thinks that's all she will say, a dismissive sort of answer, but then Shikako continues:

"...but perhaps not all of them. Hopefully you’ll learn from my mistakes," she says with a small bitter smile, gaze going beyond Sakura.

"I foresaw danger and thought I could prevent it,” Shikako says, almost a confession. “But the more magic I had, the more danger arose, until I found myself trying to make a deal with the Shinigami."

If any of the horror Sakura feels is showing on her face, Shikako doesn't let that deter her.

"Unsurprisingly, the Shinigami is very good at making deals and somewhat overworked." Shikako's smile is wider now, more real. "I asked him for the world where all of my friends and family lived. He said I should make it myself."

"So now I'm Death's apprentice," she shrugs, almost casual about it even though the very concept is giving Sakura a headache. "Shikabane-hime, the Lady Cosmos, the Space-Time Witch, whatever," she lists, rolling her eyes, impossibly blasé about her various titles.

"It's not so bad, I guess. But I do miss my friends and family."

Finally, something Sakura can wrap her brain around! "Do you want me to tell them that, too?"

Shikako blinks, almost surprised, before she tilts her head. "Maybe? I mostly meant that, well... I know in this timeline I’m just a stranger, but it's nice to see you again, Sakura. And just in case you had any doubts: you were always destined for greatness."

~

~

~

A/N: If you couldn’t tell from this mess, it was supposed to be more xxxholic/CLAMP than Madoka Magica (which I haven’t actually watched) but from what little I know of the latter, I wouldn’t blame anyone for getting that sort of vibe. Don’t worry, it’s kinda a good ending. I mean, Shikako literally made a deal with multiple gods in order to make it so.

edit: I have come up with a title/tag for this

“meeting and incidents unraveled”

[songofthealps]

@aphrarepairweek2021

Day five: Soulmates~

Pairing: SwissNor (Nyo!Switzerland and Norway) (Lara and Lukas)

Word Count: 1105

AU: Human, Soulmates

Lara was young, and just getting started in the world. In university, the woman was studying to be a medical doctor. Hours were grueling, and most of the nights she didn’t end up sleeping much, if at all. But, such was life. Thank whatever existed above that she didn’t have to be around her friends for spring break, she’d booked a trip to Norway, because nothing was going to be better than getting them off of her back.

Most, if not all, of them had found their soulmates. Lovely words written on their wrists that they’d gush about for hours on end while she tied her hair up and shoved her earbuds in. She did wonder, deep down in her heart of hearts, what was wrong with her. Was she too stubborn? Not pretty? Did the universe decide it needed more doctors and less lovers? When school was in session she didn’t have time to think about it, but now that it was out… She’d make sure she had no time to think about it.

The flight to Norway was quick enough for her liking, she’d grabbed her luggage, made her way through the airport as quickly as she could, and the caught an uber to the air b&b she was going to be staying at. Deciding that it wasn’t worth being cooped up all day in the home, she decided to go out and explore, heading off down the street to look around Bergen.

Unbeknownst to her, walking down the same street, but at a much more rapid pace was Lukas. The man was also in university, studying to be an architect. He was headed to his part time job at the café he worked at, helped to pay for university for him. And, like Lara, helped to keep his mind off of the fact that he also didn’t seem like he had a soulmate.

All of Lukas’s friends had theirs, and even his younger brother. If he had to look at the words that had formed on various parts of their bodies he was going to scream. He’d stopped checking himself daily for the words, deciding if he did have one they were taking too long, and he was no longer interested. The next person that asked was getting a coffee tossed at them, and hard.

A few hours had passed with Lara getting her fill of the sights in Bergen, and Lukas wondering how many more teens he was going to have to serve coffee too. It was right around the end of his shift when a woman who didn’t look like she was from here walked in. Lovely, might as well try English with this one.

“Hello, welcome to Kaffemisjonen. Can I get something started for you?”

“Oh, yeah, I’ll take an iced latte, and a slice of whichever cake you like the most.”

He’d called out to another barista to make the latte, and gone to get her slice of cake, when he came back to take her card, he raised an eyebrow.

“You’re without your soulmate?”

“I don’t.. I don’t have one.” She replied with the raise of one eyebrow.

“You might want to look right there.” He’d raised his finger to tap at his clavicle.

Lara, to her credit, shook her head. “No, I don’t have one, I didn’t have a mark this morning, excuse me. I’ll be right back.”

“….Weird.” He shook his head. “She wasn’t even worried about her ca—Oh.” His long sleeved shirt had moved down a bit as he’d moved her card, and he could see some words were formed there. His had shaking, he moved his sleeve down, “Oh, yeah, I’ll take an iced latte, and a slice of whichever cake you like the most.” And that was when he backed into the counter, shattering a few cups and plates in the process. Chest heaving, he didn’t even stick around long enough to clean, he simply rushed towards the bathroom, her card in his hand.

Lara, as this was going on, had locked herself in the bathroom, and with shaking hands was pulling down her shirt to see her collar bone. “Hello, welcome to Kaffemisjonen. Can I get something started for you?” Him, it was him. She’d never found her soulmate because he wasn’t from Switzerland, he was in Norway all of this time.

And she was crying.

Pounding on the door of the bathroom prompted her to splash some water on her face, and make her way to open the door. The person pounding wasn’t a woman with her kids, it wasn’t even a woman, it was the barista whose words were now on her body for the rest of her life.

“….Hey.”

“Hey.”

“So um..” Lara was never lost for words, but this time she was having a hard time speaking through the lump in her throat. “It’s.. You, you’re my so… My sou..” She shook her head, the tears were coming again. “Sorry.”

It was odd for Lukas, seeing his words on another’s body. He looked at her, she was tiny, only about five feet tall, blonde, her hair was long, it looked to go to around the middle of her back, large emerald colored eyes. She was pretty, and he had no idea how he’d gotten her. But, fate seemed to know.

“Oh.. Don’t cry.” Perhaps she was upset that it was him. Sure, he was decent looking, tall, somewhat muscular, also blonde, eyes that were so blue they almost looked violet. Taller than she. “It’s alright, we’re in different countries so we don’t even have to…” At least he got to see her, and he had one.

“Can I hug you?”

It took him out of his mental beat down, and he could barely nod before she was wrapping her arms around him, and he was doing the same. She fit well in his arms, smaller, something he felt he needed to protect. He just pulled her closer to him, tugging her out of the way of the bathroom.

“I’m Lukas, you might as well know my name, I’ve been waiting for you all of my life.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve been doing the same, wondering when you’d come to me. My name is Lara. This is.. Shocking, but I feel so lucky.”

“We might live in different places, but I am sure the two of us can figure out something, make it work, we’re not that far.” He hadn’t let go, but neither had she.

“Mmmhm, might as well sit down and talk about it, but for now.. I think I’ll keep hugging you for a bit.”

[joezworld]

Money (1/2)

Merchandising! 

April, 1997

One morning, Bear was sunning himself in the yard when a group of men in dark suits approached him. 

“Excuse me,” One of them said. “Would you happen to be D7101?”

Bear cracked open an eye. “I haven’t been D7101 in thirty years. Why do you ask?”

“We are from the law offices of Goodman, McGill, and Associates.” The man said quickly, causing Bear to open both of his eyes. “And we represent the Learning Curve Corporation. They would like to license your image for use in their new toy line.” 

As if by magic, one of the other men produced a thick sheaf of papers, which he presented to Bear, who viewed them quizzically. “If you could just sign here.”

“License my image?” Bear didn’t know any of the words that the man was using, but he did know one word that described who these men were: Lawyers.

One of his previous drivers had gone through a very messy ‘divorce’, and had informed Bear that ‘the only good lawyer is your lawyer. All the rest are crooks!’

These men very clearly weren’t his lawyers, so that meant that they were crooks. He viewed the stack of papers that were being held out to him - judging from their predatory smiles and London accents, it was likely that they didn’t believe he could read, and even if they did, he doubted they were going to let him take the time to read every page of that document, especially considering that he didn’t have any hands to hold it with!

“Gentlemen, I do not believe that now is the best time for this,” he said while looking over at the door to the yard offices as though his driver was about to come out of it. “Perhaps we could meet again in a few days? Seven tomorrow night at the big station?”

The men agreed, and left. 

When Bear’s driver eventually did show up several hours later, he found his engine unusually eager to go, especially considering their destination. 

-

Wellsworth

“Good afternoon Mister Growls!” Said Ben cheekily as he shunted Bear’s clay trucks. 

“Same to you.” Bear said. “Listen, Ben-”

“I’m Bill.”

“Whichever one you are - you seem like the kind of engine who knows how to get a lawyer. Would I be correct in that assumption?”

“You might be...” Ben said slowly. “But why does such a fine upstanding engine like you need a lawyer?”

After Bear finished explaining, Ben looked unusually upset, and had dropped the playful attitude he usually had. “Those berks are tying to swindle you! Don’t worry - I do know someone. He’ll meet you tonight.”

-

 That night, Ben’s lawyer, who was actually called a solicitor, met with Bear in the sheds. He was a peculiar man, with an American accent, white hair, and a simply ridiculous combination of clothing - red pants, a blue tie, and a checked coat - that somehow worked quite well on him. Bear was suspicious, but Ben had assured him that for all his peculiarities, he was excellent at what he did. 

After listening to what Bear had been told, he agreed with what Ben had said. 

“How are they swindling me?” Bear asked, puzzled. 

“Well, this company makes toys based on the Thin Clergyman’s books, and the television series that is based off of the books.” The man explained. 

“When they make the toys, they’re basing them off of the drawings of you in the books or the models in the tv series. So they wouldn’t have to pay anyone, because the artists were paid by the publishers, so they own the rights to those drawings, and then the publishers hired the toy company, so they can use the drawings from the books.” 

“Now, I don’t know why they would try to buy the license to your image, but you have only appeared in a few books, so it might be possible that the artist doesn’t have the drawings anymore, or there’s another reason why. International copyright law is very difficult.”

 Bear, who felt very overwhelmed, had to agree!

-

The Next Day

Bear arrived at the big station with the 18:45 Limited. Once the shunter took away his train, Bear had his driver park him on the siding closest to the platforms. 

The lawyers showed up at 7:00 on the dot, an enormous pile of papers in their hands. 

“Mister 7101!” The leader said, smiling like a predatory animal. “A pleasure to see you again! Have you given any thought to our proposal?”

Bear smiled. Unlike yesterday, he was prepared, and his smile was much sharper than it would ordinarily be. From the platform, Oliver shivered - he’d seen smiles like that before - on diesels in the 60′s.

“I have, and I believe that my solicitor would like to discuss the particulars of this contract with you.”

Bear’s solicitor, who had been standing behind a pillar wearing an absurd white jacket, stepped into view. “Hello gentlemen. I understand that you wish to use my client’s image?”

The lawyer’s faces fell as they turned to face Bear’s lawyer, who was beaming broadly. 

“Thomas Perfect, attorney at law. Here’s my card.”

The other men frowned deeply as he swiped the papers from them and began perusing them. After a moment, his smile fell, and he glared at the men as though they’d insulted him. “You lot have a lot of nerve trying to approach my client with this.” He said, gesturing to the papers. “He will sign absolutely nothing until you come back with a real contract - now get out of here before I report you to The Law Society!” 

The men fled in the most dignified manner they could, leaving Bear and Mr. Perfect alone. 

“I am so glad that I was here - that was one of the most offensive offers I have ever been presented with!” He ranted to Bear. “Honestly, the nerve of those people!”

“What did it say?”

“Oh nothing much - except that they wanted to take your image and make toys from it without paying you! If you’d signed this, they’d have been well within their rights to do whatever they wanted and not pay you a penny - Priddy or otherwise!” 

Bear was offended, even if he still didn’t know what any of that meant. 

He asked Mr. Perfect this, and he laughed. 

“So basically what these swindlers are trying to do is buy from you, the rights to use your image - and by image I mean what you look like specifically, because you own that - so they can make products from it. These people want to make toys, so they want to buy your image so they can make little models of you and sell them.” 

He paused. “What’s really offensive here is that they didn’t want to license your image - which means that you own it still but are letting them use it for a fee; they wanted to buy your image outright for a pittance! I think this said a few hundred pounds, which is absolutely ludicrous. If I were a good man I’d report them to the Law Society, but I’m a lawyer, so I’m going to rake them over the coals and take every pound they have instead.”

“Is that a good thing?”

“Yes! Yes it is!”

----

Several weeks went by, and the men never returned - Mr. Perfect had apparently been negotiating with their employers directly, and it was not necessary for them to come to Sodor.

Bear had been kept appraised of the ‘negotiations’ that had been ongoing - apparently his lawyer was very good at his job, or the other lawyers were very bad at theirs - and he was now getting an extremely generous offer for ‘the nonexclusive licensing of his image specifically in regards to wooden railway-compatible models’, whatever that meant - it had been explained to him several times, but he still didn’t quite understand it. His lawyer assured him that this was on purpose, but he shouldn’t worry about it. 

Finally, two months later, a balding man with a severe gray suit arrived at the big station with Bear’s lawyer, who was quite naturally dressed in the most flamboyant outfit Bear had ever seen. 

“Mister Bear,” He said after a moment, looking like he had swallowed a lemon. “I feel that we have gotten off on the wrong foot with our meeting, and I would like to apologize. After careful consultation with Mister Perfect, I believe that this contract is more than acceptable. Forty percent gross retail sales, an annual license fee of fifteen thousand pounds per year for at least five years, beginning when sales begin at Christmas, and final veto power over any future products. I trust that this is all acceptable?”

Bear’s lawyer nodded, so Bear accepted. It took some doing, but with a pen jammed between his teeth, Bear managed to sign the papers. 

-

-

“So Mister Toy-Train,” Bill teased. “Where are they?”

“Where’s what?” Bear asked warily.

“The models! I heard that you were the hottest toy of the year.” 

“Oh, that.” Bear had heard all about the trouble his model had caused. “I’d imagine that they’re still stuck in transit. I don’t know much about toy-making, but I would assume that it’s not normal for there to not be enough toys at Christmas!”

“Actually, that’s a sign that its popular! It means that everybody wants one, and when nobody can get one, people’ll go mad to get their hands on one.” 

“I hope nobody went mad over a model of me!” 

“Oh you should my large Bear-y friend! That means that more people are buying the models, which means that you’re getting more money from that company!”

“Hmm. I suppose I should look into that.” Bear’s eyes widened as he remembered something. “Oh right - I was supposed to ask you if you knew any ‘money managers?’ Mister Perfect said that you knew someone who was trustworthy.”

“Oh I do, but it might not be worth it if its only a few thousand pounds. My brother and I invest our own money because we started out that way.”

“You have money?”

“Oh yeah! We own a racehorse - he does really well.”

"No they don’t!” Shouted BoCo from the other end of the yard. 

“Ignore him.” Bill said. “How much money is it?”

Bear told him how much money it was.

“I’ll put you in touch with her.” Bill gasped, his eyes wide. 

[onyxiana-is-obsessed]

Late Night Trip | Shoto Todoroki x Reader

AN: So, I got this idea from a photo a friend had sent a picture of Todoroki in this BNHA discord server I'm in! I was in Walmart and the idea just hit me. So I wrote it this. It's my attempt at fluff! I hope y'all like it! Length: 1.7k words Pronouns used: She/her

Summary: You're hungry late at night! So you and your husband take a trip to the store!

Full name: (f/n) Todoroki Quirk: (y/q) Age: 24 Hero Name: ((h/n)/none)

(f/n) turned her body on the large bed letting her arms and legs drape over her husband, who chuckled a little. Her leg tightened around his waist, while her arm laid across his chest, her hand poking his cheek.

"Todoroni," She mumbled adorably, giving him her puppy dog eyes.

"Yes, love?"

"I'm hungry." She said, inching closer so her face was close to his. He placed his phone by his side and turned to her.

"Would you like me to make you something?" She fell in thought for a moment, before her (e/c) eyes looked up at him and she shook her head.

"Let's go shopping!" She cheered, throwing her arms up into the air. He groaned and pulled her into him, burying his face in her shoulder.

"All the way to the store?"

"That's where the groceries are, Sho." (f/n) giggled at his laziness. She wrapped her arms around him, breathing in his scent, feeling all her stress and worries practically melt away.

"Yeah, but it's so far."

"Come on! It'll be fun!" She said, sitting up and straddling his waist. "I'll buy you whatever you want!" Shoto laughed, the back of his hand covering his mouth.

"I know what you're doing, (n/n), and it's not working." He assured, letting his hand fall above his head. (f/n) bent down, placing her hands on his chest and her chin on top of her hands. She tried to give him her best innocent, puppy dog eyes, knowing full well it would sway him into agreeing with her.

"I'll buy you soba~," (f/n) said with a hopeful smile. Just that little look and the tone of her voice made Shoto automatically agree with her. Gosh, it was so difficult to say no to that cute face of hers.

"(f/n)..." Shoto whined and his hands moved to rest on her thighs. "That's cheating!"

"It'll be fun!" (f/n) countered. "Oh! We can buy pocky and play the pocky game!" He rolled his mismatched eyes at her enthusiasm- her cute enthusiasm that just made him want to melt into a puddle.

"But you can kiss me whenever you want."

"Ok, but like... there's a treat involved." Shoto's eyes widened and he placed a hand on his chest, pretending to be offended. He even added a little gasp.

"I thought my kisses were the treat." (f/n)'s eyes widened and she frantically shook her head.

"N-no! I didn't m-mean it like that! I swear! I was... just..." (f/n) trailed off when she saw her husband start laughing, which prompted her to sit up, cross her arms, and pout. "You're teasing me, aren't you?"

"Are you the most adorable wife on the planet?"

"Sho!"

"I can't help it," He laughed, then smiled up at her. "I'm sorry, love." She leaned forward, pressing a short kiss on his lips.

"I'll bite your lip off, I swear."

"Oh, I'm so scared." He taunted playfully. She sat up, holding her hands up. "No, no, no please!" Shoto pretended to be scared and immediately held his hands up in surrender. "Have mercy, my love!"

"Go on! What were you saying?" (f/n) threatened, pretending to glare at him. He reached out and gently took her wrists and looked up at her.

"I surrender." She smirked, holding her head up high.

"I demand a kiss as a sign of surrender."

"Come here," She shook her head.

"Nope. You come up here." He shook his head and pulled her wrists, making her fall forward. He caught her shoulders and gently pressed a kiss to her lips. When they pulled away, she glared at him.

"Cheater."

"Well, now you know how it feels." He teased, making her grumble.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever, IcyHot."

"Come on, let's get changed. It's late anyway so we shouldn't waste too much time." Shoto said looking at his phone, it was currently 12:38 am and (f/n) wanted snacks from the store. Nothing surprising, honestly.

(f/n) rolled off of him and let him sit up properly. The two quickly got changed and gathered their necessities.

"Wanna drive?" Shoto asked, holding the car keys up as he walked to the front door with (f/n).

"Sure!" The two got into their car putting on their seat belts and (f/n) started the car up. "What store? Wanna go to my favorite? The far one?!"

"Why would we do that?" Shoto asked, looking at her.

"Why not?!"

"Because it's midnight... and we should be asleep."

"Or, hear me out. We could drive to that one store that has (fav snack)."

"That's like 40 minutes away." Shoto said, a little shocked she was willing to drive that far for (fav snack).

"It's not that far," (f/n) said, placing her hands on the steering wheel.

"Not that far- that's almost two hours of driving! For a bag of (candy/chips)!" He argued but he could see it didn't really phase her.

"We don't have work tomorrow."

"Baby," He frowned. "What happened to wanting to sleep early?" (f/n) giggled nervously and looked away then back at him.

"Start tomorrow?" He sighed in defeat which made her squeal in delight as she quickly pulled out of the driveway. Shoto chuckled, shaking his head. Yep, this was one of the many reasons he married this nutcase. Late night trips to a faraway store for her favorite snack.

"Play something! Something fun!" (f/n) said, keeping her eyes on the road. Shoto nodded, connecting his phone to the car and playing her playlist, which contained all her favorite songs.

As they drove on the highway, (f/n) sang and "danced" to all the songs, singing most of them since she knew every lyric by heart. Shoto just watched with adoration, sometimes lip-syncing some words with her.

The 40-minute drive flew by and before they knew it, they were at (f/n)'s favorite store. She excitedly got out of the car, running into the store.

"You forgot... to lock... the car," Shoto muttered as she disappeared through the doors. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and walked towards the entrance, jumping a little when the car lock behind him. "Good lord." He chuckled.

Shoto had finally found (f/n) in one the isles and his eyes widened when he noticed the already full basket in her hands.

"Hey, babe! What about this?" She held up a pack of gummy worms. He took the basket from her, looking at her with wonder.

"You were in here for maybe 40 seconds. How is this thing full already?" She smiled, waving his question off.

"Pick baby."

"I don't like gummy worms." She shrugged, putting it back before turning on her heel and walking away from him. Shoto quickly followed behind her, grabbing another basket, since she'd already filled up the first one. (f/n) grabbed different types of juices and snacks, nonchalantly throwing them into the basket her husband held.

"You should've grabbed a cart," He informed, holding up both of the overflowing baskets. "Why didn't you?"

"Eh, the baskets were closer!"

"I'll go get one." He said, placing the basket next to (f/n), while walking to the front. (f/n) continued on her quest for more snacks, gathering a bunch of candies, chocolates, chips, and whatnot in her arms. "I can't leave you alone for ten seconds." He said, making her turn around, one of the bags of chips falling to the floor. "Ten seconds, baby. Ten whole seconds, all you had to do was stand here. You still managed to get stuff." (f/n) only giggled, throwing her stash into the cart.

"You love me."

"To the moon and back, but you astound me with your abilities, (f/n). You truly do." She winked at him as she picked up one of the baskets and spilled the contents of it into the cart.

"(Fav flavor drink/1) or (fav flavor drink/2)?" (f/n) asked, holding up the two separate drinks.

"Whichever you want, love," Shoto answered, before looking at his phone. It was 2:17 am and (f/n) was still packed with energy. This came with its own list of pros and cons. Sure, she had an easier time staying up so night shifts for her were easy. But then again, she couldn't sleep early and would wake up later in the day, which was a bad habit. This little trip of theirs was a pro and a con. Sure, he loved spending time with her and it was kinda fun to drive this far. But then again, it was late and they should've been asleep. After a few more moments of watching (f/n) debate between the two drinks, Shoto spoke up. "Just get them both."

"Oh! Great idea!" She giggled, before dropping the drinks into the cart, which made Shoto reach down and adjust them so they wouldn't crush the other snacks. A few minutes of walking through all the isles, they'd decided they had enough stuff. "Let's go!" (f/n) said, running ahead while Shoto followed behind.

The cashier was just as surprised as Shoto as she slid every snack and drink across the register to scan the items. Shoto paid and they both walked out to the parking lot and threw all of their delicious snacks into the trunk before getting into the car.

"At least we won't be coming back for a while," Shoto commented, pulling his seatbelt down.

"Who said that?" His mismatched eyes shot to hers.

"Because we bought so much stuff." (f/n) giggled.

"Bold of you to assume it won't all be gone by the end of the weak."

"NO!" He yelled, his eyes widening. "Don't do that, you'll get sick!" (f/n)'s giggles turned into laughter as he went on about how dangerous it was to eat all of the junk food they'd bought.

"Relax, baby!" She yelled, between her fits of giggles. "I was kidding, of course, I'm not going to eat it all in a week." (f/n) drove them back home, which was, of course, filled with singing and lots of giggles.

**

(f/n) jumped on the bed after changing into some comfortable clothes, spilling all the candy and snacks onto her bed. Shoto stretched before sliding under the covers next to her.

"You seem like you're planning to stay up. Eating all this junk food before bed isn't healthy either."

"But, babe." (f/n) whined, turning to her husband and pouting.

"It's 3 am." He said, grabbing the remote.

"Come on! It'll be fun." There was a moment of silence as Shoto debated on whether or not he wanted to actually stay up all night. When his eyes met his wife's... he couldn't deny her.

"You're a bad influence, you know that?" She squealed in delight, wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug. Her lips pressed against his cheek quickly.

"I love you, Shoto!" She giggled, her (e/c) meeting his.

"I love you too, (f/n)." He replied, leaning down and pressing his lips against hers. "To the moon and back."