#because I want nothing to do with your crusty ass.

[thebumblecee]

If you don’t like the direction a fic is going or you don’t like the characterisation of a character someone is writing or the scenarios aren’t for you I need you to know that the normal thing to do is to simply not read it.

It’s not yell at them in the comments.

It’s not sending them nasty anons.

It’s not to put their stuff on blast.

It’s to not read it and move on with your life.

Anything else is very much not normal and I will fist fight you on the street if I catch you doing it.

[star-sim]

"is your girlfriend single?" ☆ enha maknaes

☆ youtuber! non-idol! bf! enhypen maknae line x fem! reader ☆ summary: when your youtuber boyfriend finally shows you for the first time to his audience. ☆ genre: fluff, very dumb, jelly boys ☆ warning(s)? no! ☆ ygs seemed to like the hyung version so here's the maknae version!! reblogs and comments are appreciated <3

hyung ver.

sunoo ☆

OKAY HEAR ME OUT

this one is gonna be a lil different

paranormal investigator sunoo

he's like buzzfeed unsolved

and for one of his seasons, he goes and investigates haunted places and reviews their histories yk?

for the season finale

sunoo visits the bellaire house, which is notorious for being super haunted and ghost-infested

i like to think that sunoo is honestly skeptical abt ghosts

like he definitely has tried to talk to them, but hasn't discovered anything conclusive to definitively prove the existence of ghosts

anyways because it's the season finale

sunoo has a special guest...

you! his gf!

i think he'd be low key about your relationship, but his viewers know who you are

the video starts off normal

sunoo gives a rundown of the history of the bellaire house, like when it was built, the people that lived in it, the strange occurences in there, etc

the bickering between you and sunoo as you go over the bellaire house is very cute and sweet

it definitely makes it into those "sunoo and [name] being a comedic duo" compilations aw

anyways now its time to investigate the bellaire house head on 😈

sunoo pulls out all his cool ghost-catching gadgets

he tries everything

like the thermal camera, EMF meter, even the goddamn magnetic field detector

sunoos getting annoyed bc why are none of the ghosts talking to him :(

on the other hand

you're clinging onto him, hiding behind ur bf scared shitless

i mean like.... why would you not the bellaire house is known for having DEMONS 😭😭

sunoo huffs and turns to the camera, "welp it looks like there's no ghosts here"

one of the people in his camera crew suggest having you ask instead of him

even though youre scared you do it for ur bf

you're like "hi ghosts..... if you're here with us... please flicker the lights"

.

.

.

THE LIGHTS BEGIN TO FLICKER AAAAAAAA

AND SUNOOS HYPED OUT OF HIS MIND

"BABE BABE BABE ASK THEM THEIR NAME"

so youre like "ghosts... whats your name"

and NO JOKE

A WIND BLOWS PAST THE ROOM

AND EVERYONE IN THE ROOM SWEARS THEY HEAR SOMEONE WHISPER FAINTLY

"robert"

so that's how you and sunoo meet robert the ghost

BUT THAT'S NOT THE END

BECAUSE SUNOO HAS THE BRILLIANT IDEA OF PULLING OUT HIS OUIJA BOARD

tbh you both look dumb as hell

sitting on the crusty bellaire house floor

hunched over a ouija board

sunoo is now asking questions

but the ouija board doesn't even move

but when you ask

"robert, how are you today? yes for good, and no for bad"

THE GODDAMN PLANCHETTE MOVES TO YES AKA GOOD 😭

you and sunoo then introduce yourselves

again, when sunoo introduces himself nothing happens

but when you introduce yourself

the candle that's lit beside you goes out

someone in sunoo's camera crew jokes that they think that robert the ghost likes you

so sunoo jokingly asks "robert are you flirting with my girlfriend?"

AND THE OUIJA BOARD SAYS YES 😭😭😭

and when you kiss sunoo the doors in the house start slamming and shit like SOMEONES MAD

sunoo is lowk offended

and then he starts to beef with robert the ghost

except robert the ghost never respond to anything that sunoo says

bro leaves sunoo on heard

sunoos like "HEY ROBERT I DON'T CARE IF YOURE A DEMON YOU BETTER BACK THE FUCK UP!!"

later when ygs review the emf recorder it picks up robert the ghost whispering "i don't care 🙄"

sassy ass ghost

on the other hand

robert responds to EVERYTHING you say

atp you're not scared anymore

"hai robert i'm [name], knock over that doll over there if you want to be my friend"

and the doll knocks over 😭

"robert knock on the window if you think i'm cute :3"

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

the camera crew is just laughing their asses off

at some point

the ouija board starts moving on its own

everyones like WOAHHH IT'S ACTUALLY MOVING!!! QUICK GET A PIECE OF PAPER SO WE CAN RECORD WHAT ITS SAYING!!!

sunoo is taking such dilligent notes

it starts with i, then s, then it spells out your name, and then s, i, n, g, l, e

" ' IS [NAME] SINGLE' ???"

is what the ouija board says

yes a goddamn ghost just asked that

SUNOO IS NOT HAVING IT

while you and the camera crew are cracking up

sunoo starts telling off robert

"listen bro just because you died in the bellaire house doesn't mean that you can try to take my gf 😐"

robert the ghost is being sassy too

so sunoo literally just snaps the ouija board in half

"haha you can't talk anymore robert .😐."

yk how in buzzfeed unsolved they take turns staying in the haunted place alone with all the lights off

sunoo kicks everyone out so that he can have a "man to man" talk with robert

robert isn't a physical person but everyone swears they hear crying

.... and it sure isn't coming from sunoo 😇

i think this would go really viral

"[name] is so beautiful that even dead people want her"

"robert the ghost is so me"

"even ghosts aren't immune to beautiful women"

"robert saw a hot woman and took his chance"

this would become an inside joke within sunoo's fandom fs

sunoo isn't having it though

he definitely still tweets about it

"i remember when some loser ghost tried to take my girlfriend"

"robert fuck you i'm glad you died"

"see you hell robert"

i def think robert is scared of sunoo now

LMAO

jungwon ☆

jungwon is documentary youtuber

he likes to make short documentaries about topics that he likes

kinda like wendigoon or fern or real horror

i feel like he'd have a super high quality mic that's super crisp

i think he'd like to make iceberg videos, or videos about obscure missing people stories

anyways

jungwon has a whiteboard that he uses to explain things

esp like timelines

but in one of his videos he doesn't use the whiteboard so it's in the background

so you write a little message on it

its just a very simple

"[name] was here :3 !!"

i feel like only a few people notice it

but as more and more videos pass

and jungwon doesn't use the whiteboard

your little messages get bigger and bigger

until one day the entire board is filled up with just "[NAME] WAS HERE!!!"

sorry i think a lot of jungwon's viewerbase would be redditors, just given what his content is like

r/jungwon LMAAOAOAO

on there someone brings it up

theyre like "who is [name]"

some ppl suggest that it's probably a friend or his gf

it's pretty chill tbh, his viewerbase isn't really too concerned

until one day

jungwon does one of those investigating 411 missing persons cases

except ygs live near one of the places where someone went missing

so he's physically walking along the path where someone went missing as he tells the story

poor baby is lowk kinda scared tho so he takes you along with him

youre mostly behind the camera but you do talk

at the beginning of the video he's like

"hi guys i'm joined by my girlfriend today"

you pop into frame to say hi

anyways like i said you do talk during this video

like as jungwon tells the story you're reacting behind the camera

"it's crazy that a 4 year old traversed 30 miles up a mountain in a matter of 30 hours..."

and behind the camera you're like "omg no way that's wild 😱😱😱"

youre like genuinely invested

you're also cracking a lot of jokes w him too

its really sweet bc most of his videos jungwon is alone, but since youre in this w him, he's smiling so much ;(

and like everytime he makes a joke you can see him looking off-camera to look at your reaction

and when you laugh everyone can literally see how proud he is

this video so SUPER well received

his comment section is so sweet

"i've never seen jungwon smile so much, he's so in love with [name] :("

"the way you can tell jungwon is proud when [name] laughs at his jokes"

but i think the most common type of comment are those type stamp ones

"at 1:23 [name]'s laugh is so cute!"

"0:58 when the camera panned over to [name] my jaw dropped... she's gorgeous!"

"5:29 [NAME] IS SO FUNNY I LOVE HER"

"at 4:40 i love the way [name] completes jungwon's sentence, i've never seen two people that are just so perfect for each other"

yk how on youtube there's that feature where you can see the most replayed part?

when you pop into frame that's the most replayed part of his video 😭

his viewerbase on reddit probably posts you

like its a screenshot from the video and theyre like "it's [name]! the one on the whiteboard!"

i think his fanbase would be really nice on reddit too :(

"she's so pretty!"

"jungwon has immaculate taste"

indeed he does <3

he's so proud of you, like i think he definitely looks at the comments and screenshots them to keep reading them

like YES THAT'S MY GIRLFRIEND

HOWEVER

jungwon makes those "going through my subreddit" videos

and he comes across a post hyping you up

at first hes liek "YES YES YES MY GF IS SO BEAUTIFUL"

but then the comments on the post are like

"she's so beautiful, do ygs think she's single?"

"hi [name] 😏 (i am the ceo of amazon and read feminist literature books btw)"

obv all jokes

and jungwon's face visibly drops

he gives the camera a MAD side eye

a STINK EYE

jungwons like "all right, who said that 🤨"

AND THEN HE REPORTS AND BANS THEM 😭

he makes posts on his subreddit like "all of u are going missing next time i see shit like this"

HELP

riki ☆

sorry he's a shitposter

i think riki posts those genshin impact and fortnite playthroughs

but he also posts other gamer things

but he actually has a good fanbase

he's at like 900k subscribers even though he doesn't have a fixed upload schedule or specific genre of post

he's never showed his face like ever on his channel, but he definitely shows his personality through editing, video descriptions, and community posts

one day though

riki randomly posts a video titled "me and my girlfriend at the arcade"

and its a video of you and him on an arcade date :(

the majority of it is him behind the camera recording you as you play games

the way you can hear him chuckling behind the camera as you have cute reactions :((((

but there's also times where he's on camera

like when he's playing with the claw machine

and bc riki is a pro

he wins a you giant teddy bear!!

your cute lil cheers when he wins are like the most replayed part of the video

he takes such cute pictures of you hugging the bear aw

honestly his viewers are surprised when he posts the video

bc he used to be posting genshin impact videos why is there a vlog

but theyre not complaining

this video becomes one of his most viewed

since youre most of the video there's a lot of comments abt you

and i think his audience is close enough with riki to shit on him LMAAOAO

"[name] is so sweet i wanna hug her"

"i wish i was a teddy bear..."

"SHE'S SO CUTE"

"move aside riki"

"is [name] single by any chance"

"omg who is that weird random guy (riki) that keeps coming near you [name] is he bothering you queen"

"[name] who is this random guy are you cheating on me"

riki responds to these comments too

"you can't have her" "too bad she's lying in my arms right now" "she just kissed me" "do want want my girlfriend or a black eye"

he definitely starts fights

i think his video is so viral that he gets ppl outside his audience

and some ppl get mad when riki fights back 😭😭😭

“why is he fighting people they’re clearing joking” and riki responds like “yeah why is he fighting 🤬🤬🤬😡😡😡”

and then riki gets petty

and makes a video called

"addressing everything."

its like a logan paul apology video

it's also like 30 seconds 😭

"hi all... i just wanted to come here and apologize... for having a HOT GIRLFRIEND" and then he flips off the camera and it cuts off with you saying "babe?--"

lowk goes viral for it LMAO

behold the keyboard warrior trilogy- heehoonki ☠️

in the future riki does post more of your cute vlogs

and in the descriptions he's just ranting abt how much he loves you

lowk all the vlogs are basically just him admiring you

cuties

[bl00d1nk]

ꜱʟᴀꜱʜᴇʀ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴɴᴏɴꜱ; ᵈᵃᵗⁱⁿᵍ ᵗʰᵉᵐ

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:

​🇨​​🇭​​🇦​​🇷​​🇦​​🇨​​🇹​​🇪​​🇷​​🇸​: brahms heelshire, patrick bateman, herbert west

​🇼​​🇦​​🇷​​🇳​​🇮​​🇳​​🇬​​🇸​: slashers ofc, brahms lack of hygiene, brahms being possesive, brahms stalking you basically,patrick being a dick, vauge nsfw in patricks, dead people obvi, body snatching, also not read over so if theres any mistakes whoopsies

​🇦​​🇺​​🇹​​🇭​​🇴​​🇷​​🇸​ ​🇳​​🇴​​🇹​​🇪​: first time writing for slashers omds + writing for the first time properly in like a year so teehee also lemme know if you want this for other slashers :PPP also i tried to write this v gn but idk if i acc did so pls gimme suggestions on how to keep everything in my writing inclusive plsss!!! also if ur wondering what "w/" means it just means with im just too lazy to write with teehee

¬𝙱𝚁𝙰𝙷𝙼𝚂 𝙷𝙴𝙴𝙻𝚂𝙷𝙸𝚁𝙴¬

𖦹 stinky

𖦹 i dont mean that in a funny way like this man fucking REEKS

𖦹 this means you will have to get him to wash himself

𖦹 only perk of that is showering n bathing w/ him, its a real big part of your relationship

𖦹 he likes it because hes close to you and it gives him a lot of comfort and feels really cared for if you wash his hair for him + likes the feeling of your fingers massaging his scalp

𖦹 he likes leaving things he thinks you'll like all around the house

𖦹 he found a crusty ass ring he'll think you'll like?KABOOSH!!!!! its on the bathroom counter

𖦹 he also doesn't take too kindly to anyone you talk to that isn't him, he gets really jealous n upset over that

𖦹 this makes him extremly bratty unfortunately

𖦹 prepare for him being in the walls and banging on them for hours on end to piss you off and placing that stupid doll everywhere just to get a scare out of you

𖦹 will literally refuse to do anything for you

𖦹 buttt you can make it up to him by telling him theres nothing to worry about n making him a wee sandwich + giving him kisses, easy peasy squeeze the lemon (im really hoping some of yous got that reference)

𖦹 brahms also likes cuddling

𖦹 a lot

𖦹 you're sitting down reading or on your phone? not without him on your lap nuzzing into your neck having a wee nap

𖦹 you might end up with dead legs by the end of it but hey! it was worth it

𖦹 probably......

𖦹 he just stares at you a lot but dw! not in a creepy way (from his perspective at least), he's just admiring your beauty

𖦹 really likes it when you read to him + it puts him to sleep

𖦹 also loves it when you brush his hair, surprise surprise it also puts him to sleep

𖦹 CLINGY!!!!!!!!! so very very very very CLINGY

𖦹 if you leave the room for a second he will follow doesnt matter if he knows where you're going he will follow

𖦹 gets so upset if you leave during cuddling even if its to pee

𖦹 he will whine n grasp n tug at what you're wearing in an attempt to get you to stay w/ him

𖦹 the time he spends following n watching you could be stalking atp

𖦹 seperation anxiety? he knows her, very well

𖦹 will cry if you leave the house until you come back, n the moment you do he practically jumps you, crying and wailing into your shoulder begging you not to leave him ever again

𖦹 will have no intentions of letting go of you for the rest of the day

𖦹 he also really like sleeping in the same bed w/ you

𖦹 he likes that he knows you're there, you can tuck him in, read to him, cuddle him, give him forehead kisses n comfort him in case he has a nightmare or vice versca

𖦹 n e ways 8.5/10 -1 for stinkyness, -0.5 for well him being him ig

¬𝙿𝙰𝚃𝚁𝙸𝙲𝙺 𝙱𝙰𝚃𝙴𝙼𝙰𝙽¬

𖦹 before i get into this one i actually hate patrick bateman w/ a burning passion for very obvious reasons so i struggled HARD w/ this

𖦹 alr so we all saw that les mis poster in the opening scene so he deffo would bring you along to watch any high end musicals w/ him

𖦹 SKINCARE!!!!!!!!! he has a whole ass ROUTINE which he will explain to you in great detail and explain why the water has to be a certain temp n why this needs to be put on this way n that needs to be put on that way

𖦹 would let you do skincare on him but beware that he will check the entire ingredients list before you put it on his face

𖦹 its rather boring to listen to but he looks so proud of himself while explaining it, how could you not listen?????

𖦹 he spoils you rotten like its acc so bad

𖦹 you wanted those fancy ass pairs of shoes? they're already in your hands

𖦹 you want a reservation at dorsia? you've got one

𖦹 you literally want anything in the world? you'll have it before you even know you want it

𖦹 he obviously doesn't like people apart from himself so when he found the slightest bit of attraction to you he immediatley became infatuated with you and your life

𖦹 why were you making him feel this way? how were you making him feel this way? was it sorcery? was he going insane? yeah

𖦹 suprise suprise this did lead him to asking you out which led you up to here getting whatever you want

𖦹 hes a jealous fucker i can tell you that

𖦹 especially when he sees you within a 6ft distance of paul allen

𖦹 he storms over and makes some passive aggresive comment toward the two of you and then tries to keep himself cool w/ some swanky inner monologue and eventually drags you away because he "needed to talk to you"

𖦹 spoiler alert, he didn't

𖦹 all this leads to is some rather lewd acts back at his apartment as he tries to reassure himself that he's much better than paul allen and taunts you asking if you think paul allen could make you feel this way

𖦹 rants on to you about his music collection and explains how he thinks this song led them to stardom and someone was an idiot for not releasing this and that as a single and not putting these songs in this album and yadayadaya

𖦹 great if you actually are bothered to listen to him rant on for ages horrific if you aren't, gets quite offended if you don't show much interest in his music

𖦹 i get if if you don't tho, its really something...

𖦹 we all know this man is a complete germaphobe so be absolutley horrifically aware of that unless you fancy getting yelled at

𖦹 he love love LOVESS watching texas chainsaw massacare with you, he loves it when you twos just sit there in silence and cuddle while watching people get brutally attacked n chased, how romantic!

𖦹 finds it funny when you grimace or go 'oh my god' at any brutal scene in it

𖦹 touchy

𖦹 v e r y t o u c h y

𖦹 at any public event he always has a hand snaked around your waist or has his arm linked in yours

𖦹 even in is apartment he still has that hand snaked aorund your waist

𖦹 not a fan of kissing bc he's a germaphobe but because he knows were you've been most of the time he dislikes it a little less

𖦹 prefers giving forehead kisses tho as its quick and much more hygenic than lips

𖦹 god that was tough to write but overall, 7.5/10, -2.5 for being himself. i hate him too much to give him a better rating so ja

¬𝙷𝙴𝚁𝙱𝙴𝚁𝚃 𝚆𝙴𝚂𝚃¬

𖦹 i am so horrendously excited to write this because for the last like 4 days i have not stopped thinking about reanimator, i eat sleep breath the franchise, and herbert west is such a giggle so teehee

𖦹 alright if you're not in the science field or have any connection to dan hes probably not going to take an interest in you as you're not one of his areas of interest

𖦹 if you are in the category of herbert wests interests well done! he tolerates you

𖦹 like patrick would notice how weird he felt around you and would probably blame it on 'primal urges' ew

𖦹 he would most likely ignore them until he can't, and it eventually all bubbles over and he just can't resist inviting you to his basement of wonders

𖦹 he just watches you intently the entire time your there much like brahms does, also not in a creepy way (in his eyes) just admiring you

𖦹 he probably goes on a rather detailed explanation of his work and what he did to get here

𖦹 if you ever feel a lil faint abt all that stuff he just puts a reassuring hand on your shoulder cuz hes a lil awkward

𖦹 lowkey enlists you alongside dan to go steal bodies and experiment on them

𖦹 if you ever get attacked by one of the re-animated he literally doesn't leave your side, mainly to see the severity of your injuries to examine the strength of the reanimated and the other tiny bit because he cares for you

𖦹 has shit talking sessions about dr hill w/ you, it mainly consists of him getting rather heated over the fact he plagiarizes his work and ya know the whole 6-12 mins thing

𖦹 is very clingy with you when dr hill is around as he doesn't want him to make any creepy ass remarks about you so he sticks to your side like he sticks to his research

𖦹 really appreciates is when you cook for him as he's a total basement dweller and doesn't leave it for food

𖦹 so lets say you actually did make something for him he would be really surprised and would be rather amused that you care enough to make him something and he'll gladly eat it

𖦹 also doesn't sleep a lot, so if and when he comes up from the basement he will be taking a nap on you

𖦹 speaking of him taking naps, he'll just plonk on top of you when he wants to take a nap so

𖦹 yay!!!

𖦹 like patrick with music herbert will rant on about science to you

𖦹 at any time, like you could be in bed ready to finally sleep and then he starts rambling about the R.E.M cycle and how benificial sleep is for the body yet he gets absolutley NONE

𖦹 isn't very good at expressing affection for you bc he's herbert so those naps and his rants are actually his way of showing he rlly likes you

𖦹 kissing isn't his favourite thing in the world bc of germs and stuff, so he presses quick kisses to your forehead, nose and cheek such a gentleman

𖦹 but, when herberts all whiny and annoyed at life he will be down for a cheeky make out sesh

𖦹 he gets very flustered after it which is pretty funny to watch so he usually distracts himself with science

𖦹 i genuinely couldn't tell you if he would use petnames or not

𖦹 will use your name 99.9999999999% of the time, just maybe will call you darling

𖦹 just maybe.....

𖦹 n e ways dunno what else to write so 8.9/10, -1.1 for being a body snatcher ig

omds that was so hard and I was gonna add more characters but i kinda got lazy but PLEEEAAAASSEEEE lemme know what you guys thought ty :3

[aalloochaat]

no guys but...boyfriend eren !!!!!!!!

bf!eren who has beef with your plushies, glaring and punching them every time he's over because he's jealous of the way you hug them to sleep.

bf!eren who spams your chats daily (every minute if he's bored as fuck and you're busy) with couple reels and a "pls can we do this ???? plsss 🥺🥺🥺" under every single reel he sends

bf!eren who laughs at the shocked look on your face when you find out he doesn't moisturize. like…. what the actual fuck eren. what's wrong with you. . .

“what do you mean “whats wrong with me”? i just don't moisturize! there’s nothing wrong with that!”

bf!eren bursting into giggles as you try to tackle him down, determined to moisturize the fuck out of him. you hold your lotion threateningly over him, trying to act all menacing, and it's the cutest thing he’s ever seen!

“eren u crusty ass motherfucker. IM GOING TO FIX YOU”

bf!eren that will never stop yapping about you to his friends and anyone else who’d be willing to listen to him gush about you for hours

bf!eren who will be SO nervous around you before the two of you start dating and are just in that weird talking stage because everything you do is just so adorable and he just wants to squish your cheeks and scoop you up in his arms because he's a simp 

bf!eren who will always be checking his phone just to see if you texted

bf!eren who GETS SO HAPPY WHEN HE WATCHES YOU EAT BECAUSE HEALTHY EATING HABITS, BABY!

or alternatively, bf!eren who is sometimes extremely concerned and absolutely baffled because you’re a weird little gremlin. “baby . . . are you eating. .. is that… WHY ARE YOU EATING PRINGLES WITH WHIPPED CREAM?!?!”

“...can i try some?”

bf!eren who lets you take weird pictures of him, smiling when you cackle to yourself. he’s just happy to see you happy !!!!!!!!!!!

bf!eren who gets flustered easily when you flirt for a change. he turns into a literal tomato, turning away and covering his mouth with his hand. he wont even be able to look you in the eye for literal days after that little incident !!!! :)

this one’s a given, but bf!eren who lets you do his makeup for fun >>>>>>>>>>>>

just. bf!eren. i love him guys. he's so babygirl,,,

[todomochi-uwu]

Who. (2/?) J. Y & S. M

Pairing: Poly! Jeong Yunho x reader x Song Mingi

Genre: Angst, Smut

Warnings: This content is for a mature audience

Synopsis: You can't remember when was the last time you spent time with them, the last "I love you", the last time any of them kissed you.

Other chapters: Part 1 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

If you enjoy my work, please consider buying me a coffee ☕

Yunho kept checking the file in his hands, reading over and over the same words not being able to register anything, his head was all over the place, between the tiredness, the stress and his broken heart, concentrating was proving to be impossible.

“Careful, Jeong. If you think any harder your head might catch on fire.” Said Lee Minho entering the doctor’s launch with an empty coffee mug.

“Piss off, Minho.” He didn't turn his eyes from the paper, determined to make it work no matter how much it took.

Minho’s eyes focused on the taller man in front of him, his skin was paler than normal, a slight blue tint covered it; his eyes were sunk in their sockets, dark purple bags underneath them; lips dry and crusty; he looked thinner, he looked sick. Yunho and Minho weren’t by any means close, they had spent the entire med school fighting for the top spot in their class; Jeong Yunho had proved to be a real pain in the ass, managing to balance school, work, friends and a fucking three-way relationship while Lee Minho could barely sleep and see his, now, husband.

“Not that I care, Jeong but, are you okay?” Said Minho, leaning against the countertop and waiting for the coffee to be done.

Yunho tossed the folder on the table, completely done. He pressed his fingers against his eyelids, trying to calm the blinding headache he had been carrying around his entire shift. “I don’t think it’s any of your business, Lee.”

The cat-eyed doctor shrugged, not wanting to dig any further, he tried. He took his mug and made a beeline straight to the door, but he couldn’t help but look back at his school rival, and what he saw shocked him a bit. His shoulders were slumped, and shaking, his face in between his hands, and small but heavy sobs left his mouth. A suffering Yunho was something he had never expected to see, and while he thought it would bring him joy, it just made him feel weird. He would have to ask Jisung what was going on, he was friends with Mingi, and he would have to know.

______________________________________________________________

Mingi was not doing any better at work. He fell asleep on his desk, barely paid attention at meetings, and was hostile to his co-workers and possible clients. Jongho was done with attitude, he had been patient, as much as he could, and he tried to understand the situation, but it was becoming too much.

“Mingi, I am begging you, please go home, you cannot continue like this. Get some sleep, eat and come back when you are better.” Jongho said as softly as possible, not wanting to trigger another fight with the dirty blonde lawyer in front of him.

“Jongho, I’m okay. I would rather just be working, there’s nothing to do at home anyways.”

“Mingi…” He was interrupted.

“Jongho, I won't repeat myself, leave me alone.” He turned his chair away from the younger lawyer.

That was it. He was done.

Jongho slammed his hand against the desk, startling Mingi, “Listen to me, Mingi, I get that you are sad, okay? I get it. But you cannot come here and act like a fucking dick and expect everyone to be okay with it. We tried to be nice and give you a couple of weeks to recover, but so far, we have lost two important clients because of your attitude and you pissed off three more. I’m sorry she left, but I highly doubt she would come back if she saw the mess you’ve become. Yelling at people, turning work in late, getting drunk, fighting with Yunho, do you think she wants that? Because I highly doubt it.” He jabbed his finger into Mingi’s chest. “Get. Your. Shit. Together.” And with that he left the office, slamming the door on his way out.

Mingi sighed, taking off his tie. He closed his eyes trying to calm down, but it seemed impossible. Anxiety had been tormenting him for almost a month now, and it didn’t seem like it would stop any time soon. He misses you. A lot. He just didn’t know how to function without that missing piece. Nothing was working right now, his head was always a mess, always going back to that night, trying to remember every moment he neglected you; he was trying to balance out his pain and stress to not mess up his relationship with Yunho as well; while also trying to balance out work as to not get fired, or at least not to piss off Jongho even more, but nothing is working. He misses you, and without you, nothing in him works.

______________________________________________________________

Chan was in the kitchen bar working; his heavy and expensive headphones sat on the top of his head while he was nodding along to the rhythm of his last track. He kept replaying it to try and figure out what was missing, what he could change or fix, but he just couldn’t concentrate. Flashbacks kept showing up in his head, replaying again and again, memories of his college days, memories of the time he fell in love with his now roommate and failed to do something about it.

It was the winter semester; the campus was covered in snow and everyone found refuge inside the library. Chan was planning to go there and work on a paper that was due that same night, but once he saw the amount of people inside the building, he decided he wouldn’t be able to work there. And just as he was about to leave, he saw Hongjoong sitting on a couch in the corner, next to him was something that made the producer’s mouth dry. A woman so beautiful his eyes couldn’t believe what they were seeing, his brain couldn’t comprehend what was happening, his feet moved on their own in that direction, he needed to talk to her, to know her name, to introduce himself. His friend got up as soon as he saw him, greeting him and introducing her. Y/n. That was her name, a name Chan would never be able to forget.

A friendship was established that day. You would start by hanging out with Hongjoong, going out to eat, watch a movie or to a party; but soon it became just the two of you. Hanging out at each other’s dorms, he showed you some of his music, and you showed him some of her stories; at first, he would walk you back to her room every night, but after some time you would stay over, “it’s easier” you said. One fateful night, Christopher finally made a move, giving you a quick peck on the lips while listening to your favourite artist’s latest album, the largest seconds of his life were right after, waiting for your reaction; you ended up fucking on top of his desk, pushing all his books, and cd’s to the floor.

That was the way the next months were spent, hanging out and finding any and every excuse to have sex, but never giving a title to what you were. Chan just assumed you weren’t ready for that kind of commitment, convincing himself he was fine with what you had, not admitting he was just too much of a coward to ask if you felt the same as him.

“I just don’t understand him, Jisung. One day he acts as if we were a couple, and the next he calls me his best friend. Friends don’t treat each other the way we do, friends don’t do what we do.”

“Maybe he isn’t ready for that kind of commitment, he would just rather stay as friends with benefits.” Jisung pat her on the back, trying to comfort her.

“But I don’t want to be just friends with benefits.” You pouted her lips.

“Hey, come on, don’t be sad. I'll tell you what, why don’t you come with me to Wooyoung’s party this Friday? You’ll have fun and forget, at least for a bit, about Chan.”

Christopher’s first mistake was introducing you to Jisung. The second one was allowing you to befriend him. And his last, but most fatal one was not going to that party. Why? Because Yunho and Mingi were there.

“Y/n, this my friend Mingi. Mingi, this is Y/n.” And just like that, it was over before it could even begin. That same night Mingi had introduced you to Yunho, and they both were heads over heels for you, they asked you to hang out the very next day and while at first you were confused as to how it would work, they won you over, pushing completely out the idea of Chan off your head.

He remembered the first time you talked about them, he thought you had just made out with one of them at the party, and while he wasn’t exactly happy about it, he could let it slide, no idea of what was about to come. Texts left unanswered; calls that went to voicemail; and long nights waiting for you to show up, but at some point, it became clear, that you were not just sleeping around with them, you were in love. That very same night he went out and got drunk out of his mind, only being able to get back home after Changbin and Minho found him trashed on a bench in front of their building. He blamed himself, if he hadn’t been so scared, if he had just tried, you would be his, and he promised himself that if that door ever opened again, he would be there. But as time went on, it became more apparent that would never happen… until now.

He kept repeating over and over to himself that you weren’t ready, that you still love them and that you were still mourning that relationship, but he couldn’t help himself, he wanted you.

The last month he had been in some kind of hell in heaven. When you first had shown up, he was pissed off beyond comprehension, how could they let this happen? How could they treat you like that? He had spent every second of his existence since he met you, loving and worshipping the ground you walk on and they had let you slip away? Unbelievable. But he couldn’t help but see the perks of all of this. He was the one to console you, to build you back up, and through the course of the weeks, you were better.

He would come back home to you cooking, greeting him the second he went in; you telling him about your day or a new show you were watching; you showed him your work and asked his opinion. Everything went back to how it was; it was even better. This is what he had been missing out all this time?

“Good morning, Channie.”

“Welcome back, Chan. I made some spaghetti; I hope you like it.”

“Hey, Chan. How was work?”

Oh, blissful domesticity. But everything was too good to be true. They would show up in the most subtle ways, in the middle of a conversation, in the notifications of your phone, even in the clothes you wore, they still smell like them; your ex-boyfriends were everywhere in his apartment, tormenting him. And, of course, he wasn’t blind, he could see it, your face still showed how heartbroken you were, and he could also hear it at night, small sobs escaped your mouth, whispering their names again and again.

Yunho…

Mingi…

Never his name.

______________________________________________________________

Jisung had just arrived home, his hands full of grocery bags balancing them while trying to open the door, and just as he was about to spill everything on the ground, a soft hand came to his rescue.

“Jesus, Sungie be careful.” The person behind him giggled.

“Y/n?” His eyebrows furrowed, confused, but he still leaned in and hugged you. “What are you doing here? How did you get in the building?”

“Oh, I live here now.”

“Mingi gave up his rent control apartment? Is he crazy?”

“Um… not exactly.” You scratched the back of your head.

“Okay, come inside and tell me what’s going on.”

…

“And that’s how I ended up living with Chan.” You took a small sip of the hot chocolate Jisung had prepared.

“Have you talked to them?”

You shook your head.

Jisung’s arms were folded against his chest, his eyes looking directly at yours, not sure what to say, “So it’s over between you and them?”

“I don’t know, Hannie. I love them, so much it hurts, but I don't think they feel the same way, they act as if I'm not even there, as if I'm not important to them.” You lay down on the kitchen table, controlling your breathing so you won't start crying.

“Well, that’s just not true.” He put his hand on top of your head, petting you, “Mingi can be an idiot sometimes and the same goes for Yunho, but they love you, baby. From the very first moment they met you, they have loved you, maybe they just lost their tracks for a moment, but they will come back to you.” He kissed you on the forehead, “and if for some reason they don’t, I will be there to help you pick up the pieces.”

______________________________________________________________

Minho arrived late at night, completely done with work and with stubborn patients who thought they knew more than him because they read an article on the internet. Jisung ran to the front door as soon as he heard the jiggling of the keys, ready to receive his grumpy husband. He accompanied him into the kitchen, where he served him a hot plate of his favourite food and told him about this day.

“I found the chips you like on sale so I bought a couple, I also bought the ingredients I was missing for that ramen you want to try, oh and I tried that juice I’ve been craving, but it wasn’t that good.” Minho couldn’t keep up with the number of things that came out of his husband’s mouth, but he was happy to listen. “Oh, oh my god I almost forgot, guess who I ran into?”

“Who?” He said while shoving a spoonful of soup into his mouth.

“Y/n, she broke up with Mingi and Yunho, and she’s staying with Chan.”

Minho choked, coughing aggressively, not believing the words that came out of Jisung’s mouth. Everything made sense now, that’s why the puppy-like doctor had been so miserable the last couple of weeks. And why Chan had been avoiding him lately. He got up and headed towards the door, “Give me a second, love I’ll be right back.”

He made his way down the hall, he was in no mood to do this, but it had to be done. He had witnessed first-hand how completely devastated had Chan been after you had broken his heart (not that he thinks you did it on purpose), how hard it was to get him to shower, to go to work, how long it took him to go back to normal, and he feared it would happen again. He pounded on the door, not caring if the neighbours next door complained. The door opened harshly, a sleep-deprived Christopher on the door side, looking at him as if he had grown to heads.

“Min, it’s two in the morning, what the hell are you doing here?”

The doctor grabbed him by the arm and shoved him into the wall next to the door, “You are going to explain to me exactly what you think you are doing.”

“I'm not doing anything. She’s my friend, I want to help her move…”

He interrupted, “What? Move on? Were you planning to be her saviour so she would fall in love with you? Bang Chan, she’s been engaged to them for almost a year now, they are just going through a rough patch…”

“They broke up.”

“They will get back together, it's more than obvious, they are in love.” He whispered yelling, he was worried, did Chan think he had a chance?

“They neglected her, Minho they took her for granted, I would…”

“Chan, listen to me, she’s not in love with you, whatever you two had it's over, it's been over for years, for Christ's sake.” He shook his shoulders, trying to get some sense into him.

“I know what I'm doing.”

“You clearly, don’t.” He pushed his friend back into his apartment and went back to his. His entire body ached, but anxiety filled his head, not letting him rest.

______________________________________________________________

“So, she finally dumped your ass, good for her honestly,” Minho said as he entered Yunho’s office. The latter one looked up at him, the look in his eyes completely dead. “Geez, you look like shit.”

“What do you want, Minho? I'm busy, I don’t have time for your bullshit.”

“I know where she is.”

“What?” Yunho looked at him with wide-open eyes. “Don’t you fucking dare lie to me about this.” He got up and grabbed Lee by the collar and shook him, “How the fuck do you know that?”

“Because I saw her.” Little white lie, but he technically did know where she was. He pushed him back, “I don’t like you, Yunho, at all. But I know what it's like to be in your shoes, so I’ll make you a deal, you get your shit together and I might just tell you where she is.”

______________________________________________________________

Yunho’s hands kept trembling, he had barely been able to drive home without crashing. He wanted to scream, to cry, to tell Mingi what Minho had told him, all at the same time, but he also thought, what would he say? How could he apologize? Would she take them back? He went into the house, Mingi was lying on the couch, a book in his hands and glasses sitting on his face, his eyebags and skin tone resembling his boyfriend’s, he turned to look at him, noticing how fidgety and dishevelled he looked.

“Are you okay? Did something happen at work?” He got up and approached Yunho, he grabbed his face in his hands and caressed his cheeks.

“Um…” he bit off some of the skin in his lip, not knowing how to deliver the news, his head couldn’t put the words together, not even able to process them. “Minho told me something today.”

“Ugh, that asshole. I don’t know how Jisung married that guy, he's such a nice guy and Minho is so…”

Yunho interrupted him, not able to hold it in any longer, “Minho says he knows where Y/n is staying.”

Mingi felt how the air left his body, all thoughts abandoning his mind in the same way, tears were quick to rush to his eyes, “What?”

“Yeah, he saw her and knows where she’s been staying.” He paused to order his next words, “And he said he will tell me if we manage to get our shit together.”

Mingi took him into his arms and squeezed him till he was out of breath, not being able to contain his happiness. Together they cried and smiled while the thought of everything going back to normal filled them, that was until something crossed their minds at the same time, would you even want them back?

______________________________________________________________

Tag list:

@tunaasan @scuzmunkie

[rinstaro]

OMGOMGOGMI HIIII

I MISSE DYOU SMMMM

I’m so happy ur back and and I js wanted to let u kno ur so strong bestie! <3333

now, I have but a wee thought I would like to share. An offering, if you will.

late night sleepy cuddles with sky (or really any of the boys tbh) and they sneak their hand into them Panties and start mindlessly making you cream but you can’t do anything about it because they have you in a death grip and your writhing and your legs are shaking and omg- and they just did it cause they felt like it. they were just like “omg ur literally so cute now cum you whore”

anyways that’s what’s been happening in my crusty little rat brain lately

k bye! <333

-💫

oh. you missed me? oh that makes me so happy !!!!!!!

i like this offering!!!! imma do sky and just a short twilight for this <33 thank you star

cw: overstim, mean boys, twilight is sweet but he’s really not, sky has a wet dream, fingering, coochie eating, consensual somnophilia, reader has a vagina no pronouns!

minors do not interact.

sky

sky awoke from his nap with a throbbing pain. said pain coming from his dick being so hard. he knows it’s bound to happen as a guy, but his problem is that you’re right next to him. still sleeping.

sky had dreamt of you. he dreamt that your soft, sweet body was shaking, writhing in pleasure while you called his name. he was startled when he awoke to find out that your sweet cunt was indeed not wrapped around him like a vice. he slowly sat up, gazing at your form. you looked perfect to him.

he pulled you closer to him, pressing his hard cock against your ass. he couldn't help but squeeze the soft flesh. he adored that you slept in panties, or sometimes nothing at all. he groaned at the pressure as he hid his face in your neck. one hand stayed wrapped around your waist while the other slipped into your panties.

he loved the feeling of your folds between his fingers. he sighs shakily, rubbing slow circles on your clit. you stirred only slightly, letting out sleepy little groans. sky really couldn't help himself. he began to grind into you, his dick straining against his shorts. he hissed, slightly speeding up his pace on your clit.

you began to twitch, soft whimpers leaving your lips. sky imagined how you'd whimper when he was drilling his cock into you. he let out a needy groan. he felt you grow wetter and wetter under his fingers. slowly, he slipped two fingers into your cunt, his breath hitching at just how tight you were. you stirred even more, your legs beginning to clench around his arm. okay, he's had enough. he lifts your leg, giving him as much access as he needs. he wasn't a selfish man, though. he'd let you cum before fucking your cunt.

the sudden movement jolted you awake, your eyes fluttering open. "b... baby?" your sleepy voice sends him over the edge. sky began to pump his fingers in and out of you, curling them harshly.

you clutched the sheets, body overwhelmed with such a sudden jolt of pleasure. your cunt only grew wetter as he fucked you with his fingers. "b-babe! hahh, wait-"

"come on, pretty, don't you wanna cum for me? feels good, yeah? slutty cunt's dripping."

you can only respond with a weak moan, your leg twitching in his hold. your body began to shake, your orgasm hitting you so viciously. you try to pull your leg away, but his grip only tightens. "b-babe, c-cumming! s-slow down!"

your cries fall on deaf ears, sky continuing to grind against your ass. he grunts lowly, only speeding up the pace of his hand. you squeal, hips wriggling away from his.

"pretty, so pretty, n-need you to cum some more. come on, slut, we just started. give me more."

twilight

he’s just now slipping into bed after a long days work. you blink slowly, still a little groggy but happy that he was home. his hands grasped your hips tightly. “l…link?”

as soon as his name left your lips, you were flipped over on your back and pulled closer by your thighs. “hey, darlin’. gonna cum like a whore for me, ‘kay?” your husband kissed wildly all over your neck and chest, not even giving you a chance to breathe. you writhe and moan, the sudden pleasure wracking your poor body.

“l-link! a-ahh, slow—“ you kept getting cut off by your own moans as he kissed your chest, making sure to give your hardened nipples plenty of attention. he kissed all the way down your stomach, making you jolt. then, your sleep shorts were off in an instant.

like the animal he was, he pressed his nose to your mound and inhaled. you gasped out of shock, body jerking in his hold. he does nothing but growl and pull you closer, diving in to taste your sweet cunt. he’d been dreaming about you all day. work should have never dragged on for so long. he was craving a taste of you so badly he could go mad.

your back arched and you grabbed at his hair, pulling his strands. he slurps and sucks at your wet cunt, never stopping for a moment to breathe. you could only let out weak moans at the feeling, your body being fully awake now. you jolted and squirmed from your sensitivity, but he had no plans on letting you go.

he could feel your orgasm before you can. it hits you so quickly you can barely think. “f-fuck! link!”

this does nothing to stop him. he keeps lapping at your poor cunt, desperate to have all of your cream down his throat. you push at his head, clamping your legs around his ears.

“fuckfuckfuckfuck link! e-enough!”

he pulls away from your cunt only to growl. “quiet. let me finish.” he dives right back in, showing no mercy for your sorry cunt.

[hornyjailbreaking]

ꕤ⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘ꕤ

Minors do not interact! This post is NSFW and dd:dne!

ꕤ⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘ꕤ

Once upon a time (April 6th 2024) I have written a drabble (1,3k words) about my favorite DoL yandere (Kylar) for myself, my friend, and any other freaky Kylar lovers. It was originally posted on my friend's blog with my permission, but they have since deactivated. Now I'm reposting both the original drabble and the follow-up drabble.

Written in second person POV (you/yours)

WARNINGS: Fem! Reader x Kylar, stepbrother!Kylar, older brother!Kylar, pseudoincest/stepcest, corruption, dubcon (but consent is given), creampies, breeding, fucked-up family dynamics, Kylar is a pathetic pervert (what else is new)

Imagine getting adopted into Kylar's family. The parents are a little absent and your new big brother is a total loser, but it really isn't all that bad at first. Sure, he's a bit cringey in how overexcited he is about having a younger sister, but maybe he's just always wanted a sibling? Surely that's the reason. The fact that he's drooling while he thinks you aren't looking is just a coincidence! It happens!

Then he starts getting clingy. At first it's just touching your hand while giving you something or brushing you with his shoulder while he sits on the couch with you. Then he's asking for hugs and insisting that you have to hold hands whenever you go out. Then he tries to guilt-trip you into giving him a smooch on the cheek. You cave almost immediately, because he looks like he's actually a second away from bursting into tears. Your big brother is a loser, and you slowly begin to accept it. He's kinda cute in how cringefail he is.

What's not cute is finding out what happens to your panties when they go missing. You think you keep misplacing them and don't worry too much about it. Then you find them back in the laundry bin, all crusty and some even sticky. Okay, that's weird. But you still give Kylar some benefit of the doubt and pretend that everything is fine. He's nice to you! He gives you ice-cream, he always lets you pick whenever you both wanna watch something, he gives you shoulder massages, and he does your chores for you. Kylar is a good brother!

That's what you keep telling yourself, even as he slowly starts getting more and more handsy, sometimes to the point where you aren't entirely sure if this still isn't considered groping. But it's fine, you can take some pervy behaviour! You're a good little sister, and Kylar keeps reminding you of that even as he's panting in your ear while hugging you and clinging to you like his life depends on it. You try not to think about what's pressing against your thigh.

It gets worse the longer it goes on, and somehow you find yourself regularly making out with your big brother because he just loves you so much :(( It's what all loving siblings do! You're doubtful, but he looks so elated every time you agree to sit on his lap or let him knead your tits that you don't have the heart to tell him no. It's so easy to make him happy, and you kind of feel good from it too, even though you don't really want to admit it. You also worry about your parents finding out and you both getting into trouble, but Kylar is strangely unbothered.

Actually, he grows downright brazen. He begins feeling you up while your parents are in the room, he doesn't even attempt to hide the leering gazes he sends your way. He actually slaps your ass one day while the whole family is together! Your parents just laugh it off, and continue like nothing happened. You aren't sure if you should feel relieved or mortified. You realise it's the latter when Kylar begins rutting into your ass, rubbing his clothed cock against you and whimpering in your ear while your parents are literally three steps away and yet they say nothing. At first you think they are somehow not noticing their son's actions, but then they start laughing and playfully discussing how nice it would be to have grandkids. And your brother fucking moans into your ear, not even trying to hide how turned on he is by the idea of breeding you.

Everything goes to shit from there. Apparently, your parents realised that the only way Kylar will ever get laid is if he is allowed to fuck you, so they just... Let him. In fact, they seem almost into the idea, with your mother complimenting your figure and making comments on how it's perfect for motherhood. Your father offhandedly mentions that it'd be nice to build a crib yourselves, and that he should buy the materials for some woodworking. Kylar is relentless now that he's got your parents' blessing and not-so-implicit approval. Groping and making out turns into you waking up with his head between your thighs, eagerly lapping at your cunt and looking at you like an overeager puppy, begging you to let him do more. He might jerk off and cum all over your face while you sleep, but he holds off on slipping his dick inside you without your permission. He really, really wants to! And he tells you about it in detail while he suckles on your tits and bites your nipples as if that'll somehow make you lactate. Kylar holds off on just taking you like he's been wanting to for so long, instead eating you out daily while he waits for your permission to finally fill your womb with his cum. He waits, because he's such a nice and caring lover. He's constantly all over you, and you can't even bring up the "we're family!" argument because your entire family is more than happy to let your big brother knock you up.

When you finally break and let Kylar fuck you, he all but cums into his pants right on the spot once he hears your words. Your big brother immediately pounces on you, pawing at your clothes in an attempt to expose as much of your body as he can without bothering to actually undress you. He moves with the urgency of someone who's afraid that you will change your mind, so he's stuffing you full of his cock in record time. Thankfully, all these evenings spent with him fingering your cunt over and over again have prepared you. The fact that you are already wet enough for him to easily slide in is something you refuse to think about. Of course, your big brother immediately begins to fuck you like a dog in heat, drooling all over you while he literally cries from how happy he is to finally fuck you raw. And god, he's so loud. There's no way your parents can't hear his desperate whimpers and how he babbles on and on about making you a mommy and giving you lots and lots of babies, and about how good your pussy feels. He's cumming within a few minutes of sloppy thrusting, but simply keeps going while furiously rubbing your clit. He's more than happy to overstimulate himself to the point of sobbing if it means he'll get to stuff you with his seed a few more times, and hopefully knock you up on the very first attempt.

You come down to the kitchen to grab a glass of water after your big brother finally passes out from the exhaustion of fucking you and giving you creampies over and over again. Your hair is a mess, your neck and tits are covered in hickeys and bite marks and you've got his drool all over you. The worst of the mess is between your trembling legs, where cum keeps dripping out of your tender pussy, overstimulated and tired from being used so much. You walk into the kitchen while looking like that, and your parents are absolutely beaming. Your mother is talking about how they've been coming up with baby names lately and that you should definitely check the list she's written for you and Kylar to pick from. And your father, looking like he's announcing that he has won a lottery, hits you with the revelation of them going on a vacation in a few days. Apparently, it will take a while for them to come home. But they aren't worried about anything bad happening while they're gone for so long! After all, you'll be left in the care of your loving big brother!

You are fucked. So, so fucked. In every way possible. But hey! Kylar promised to take you shopping for baby clothes as an apology for the mess he made out of your neck! So really, it's all good. It's nice to have such a caring big brother and supportive parents, isn't it <3

[cocogum]

The Great Wave - Chapter 3 Review

‼️ SPOILERS FOR THE CHAPTER ‼️

Warning(s): extreme use of foul language.

Aurora is not pregnant.

I don’t believe it for a second, that cow is lying through her teeth. I already mentioned in the second chapter review that she just couldn’t be pregnant because there are three major reasons that easily disprove her claim.

First, it’s the amount of time that passed by. It has been a few months since Season 4 and the manga, around four months to be exact. And yet, Aurora’s stomach appears to be completely flat. How is this possible? Shouldn't there be a visible bump by now?

Second, season 3’s artbook already confirmed that Aurora was a manipulative woman and wanted to reflect it with her design (by having her hair covering one of her eyes) so who’s to say she’s telling the truth right now??

Third, @kilfeur pointed out in this post that if she was pregnant, Armand would not have allowed her to fly high up in the cloudy sky to gain knowledge about the Eliatrope goddess' eliaculus. Armand was already worried about Aurora when she went up, and the thought of her flying high while carrying their future child would have made him refuse the idea entirely, as he feared it could put their unborn child in danger.

So yeah, this skank is clearly lying her ass off just to manipulate the sadidas so that they could take her side. She’s so fucking petty omg I cannot deal with her. And her father is even worse my god wipe that ugly ass smile off your face you fatass.

This man clearly wants power that’s outside his kingdom. He just wants more even if it doesn’t belong to him and it painfully shows because he won’t stop making this fart face.

But it’s okay because as soon as Amalia opens her mouth, he immediately stops looking like a dumbass and immediately FROWNS because he knows she’s spitting FACTS.

And this is the only reason why I loved this moment. Amalia literally put him in his place and shut him up.

Amalia on the first panel: “What right do you return after you have shamelessly abandoned us? The osamodas kingdom, the nations of Bonta, Brakmar, Amakna, Astrub…”

Amalia on the second panel: “We asked you to come help us!”

Amalia on the third panel: “BUT NO ONE CAME! It was the future of the world that was at stake, not just the Sadida Kingdom!!!”

LIKE YES GIRL YES FUCKING DESTROY THIS OLD WASTE OF SPACE!!!

She literally dragged him on the fucking floor with all these facts omg I can’t she’s such a queen I love her so much. 💖💖

But then, instead of just taking it all like a good boy, this old bag of furry bones only had one thing to say and it was:

Osamodas blue cow king: “You give honor to your egocentrism, Amalia…”

Bruh what.

What are you talking about, you crusty old bat?

She drops so many facts and events that happened and this guy’s only comeback is “you’re being selfish 🥺😡”. Like what the fuck was even that???

Dude if you’ve got nothing to say, then don’t say anything but don’t just blurt out the first thing that comes out of your mouth??? Like what??

This is the equivalent of a detective who presented all the proofs that you committed the crime and the only thing you have to say is “your mama”.

Then, as if things couldn’t get any worse for this guy, he says:

Osamodas blue cow king: “My soldiers would have beat these creatures just as efficiently as yours.”

Oh yeah, where were they then, you fucking liar??? The worst part about this is that you didn’t even try hiding the fact that you would’ve been ‘ready’ but you’re so dumb you have no idea how brain-dead that makes you sound right now. You’re saying you could’ve sent your men BUT YOU DIDN’T DO SHIT. WHAT’S WORSE IS THAT YOU KNEW THE SADIDAS NEEDED HELP CUZ UR STUPID DAUGHTER FLED TO GO BACK TO YOU.

Also didn’t you once claim that Armand’s army was weaker than yours but then all of a sudden you’re now saying that your army could’ve beat the necromes like theirs did???

(oh oop- Armand don’t kill him yet 😭)

Bitch doesn’t even know what he’s talking about anymore. I doubt he even knows wtf he’s saying half the time.

Are you dumb???? Are you actually suffering from constipation????

You’re implying that you were free to help and that you knew they needed help. YOU’RE INDIRECTLY SAYING THAT YOU KNEW AND DIDN’T HELP DESPITE HAVING THE TIME TO DO SO.

While the old fart is yapping, Yugo’s face is just so 🫤😑 I’ve been staring at this panel for 2 minutes now and I love how fucking out of it he looks while listening to the cow 😭 Actually, I’m not even sure if he’s listening, I think he’s just hearing him from one ear but it all goes out on the other side. He looks like a god who’s about to squash an annoying ass ant lol

He’s literally like “is this bitch fr?”

Like Yugo is 100% confident to say that the osamodas king had no idea what the hell he was talking about when he thought his troops and he would’ve been able to fight off the necromes.

Yugo: “You have absolutely no idea what we saved you from!”

Yugo’s making that face cuz he knows the king has no clue what he’s barking about. (Also can’t Yugo just use his wakfu sensing abilities to check if Aurora is actually carrying another twelvian?? Or is he not able to do that because an unborn child does not have wakfu yet?) Little blue bro doesn’t know what necromes even are cuz Yugo never told him about them so how the hell was he supposed to know if his men would’ve stood a chance???? No seriously is this cow okay? Why is he talking? Is he talking just for the sake of talking?? Is he that self-conscious that he’ll make up lies on the spot just to protect his image??? The cow king doesn’t even know that the necromes had a leader. Yugo and Amalia are dealing with a fucking grown-ass child omg.

Osamodas blond cow: “I left because I made the promise to my dear Armand.”

This is a lie. Armand never heard of any promise. An analysis conducted by @geekgirles even indicated otherwise, supporting that the claim made by Aurora was fake. According to the analysis, Aurora was more inclined towards her family than her new life with Armand, and the claim that he made any promises to her was baseless. If you wish to read the detailed analysis conducted by @geekgirles on this matter, you can find all of it in this post.

I’ll now explain to you, in my own words, why her bullshit is hot donkey ass. Keep in mind that the whole reason why she left was to protect “the child” aka “the future heir”. As I said before, Aurora couldn’t have promised Armand anything because he knew she still held a bit too much on her osamodas family. From what we’ve seen, Aurora had the time to go back to the Osamodas kingdom to check up on them because of the eliaculus in the skies, had sided with her osamodas family during the meeting with the eliatrope goddess, had tried to marry off Amalia to one of her brothers and cousin, deliberately brought some of her relatives to Armand’s coronation to….stand around, and even keeps her father around in the Sadida kingdom when he should either be ruling his own kingdom or go back to his cave. Armand is not a moron. He knows that she constantly brings her own family to a place that doesn’t need them. So when he’s about to sacrifice his life unbeknownst to Amalia, he tells her this:

“The future is yours.”

Armand had passed the torch to Amalia.

It's worth noting that this is a crucial moment because he chooses not to pass the leadership to his own wife, Aurora. This decision is based on the fact that Aurora is heavily influenced by her family and is unable to make independent choices. At the same time, he also chooses not to give it to someone else who is just as important.

And that is the imaginary baby that Aurora is carrying.

Remember that the baby doesn't exist, and that's an important fact to keep in mind. Armand, who still loves Aurora, doesn't trust her enough to give her the leading role, or any role for that matter, especially not one that involves a child they could potentially have together. Instead, he gave the role to his sister. Aurora knows this and is fully aware that her promise to him was never even a thing. In Armand’s mind, it wouldn't have mattered if she ran away because he never intended to give her a part of the kingdom’s responsibilities in the first place, even though her getting away like that would have hurt his heart.

And Aurora is over here saying that her dad will help her lead the sadidas while she’s pregnant, girl sit your ass down no one called for you. Hoe thought she was in the same group as freaking warriors, shut up. You clearly want your father to rule for a much longer time literally wtf.

Osamodas blond cow: “During my pregnancy, my father will help me lead the kingdom…and I also count on him to train the future heir.”

It's concerning that her explanation might make sense to the sadidas. I'm not sure how she managed it, but that skank made it sound like her father would automatically assist her in ruling the Sadida Kingdom (despite them being Osamodas) since she would be pregnant and without aid due to Armand's demise. And after her baby would be born, her father would train him under his guidance to make him become strong and successful. She made it sound like a simple plan with no problems attached to it. She hasn’t even mentioned if the “baby” was an osamodas or a sadida. She only mentioned the gender, that the baby was a male (in French, when she calls the unborn child “the heir” she says it by using male pronouns).

Hey, Aurora what happens when your lie doesn’t work anymore because your stomach will still stay flat after eight months? You’re gonna tell the people that you swallowed the baby or something? That it fell down? What happens when you can’t keep up with your lie anymore?? Huh? Ever thought about that, you dumb bitch?

I have an idea, Amalia: how about you throw Aurora to the other side of the world and then try to get yourself pregnant by using Yugo so that you can also have a better reason to stay? Or better yet, you can tell her to prove her pregnancy because again, HER STOMACH IS FLATTER THAN A WASHBOARD AFTER ALL THESE MONTHS. Make her suffer from her lie and try to make her work hard for it.

You know when a dog lifts his tail and head up while he’s walking away from something cuz it shows just how sassy and confident they are? I see no difference with this crappy blue cow ‘family’ except that it ain’t cute when they do it.

They just ignored everything Amalia and Yugo said, looked the other way from every proof and situation that they were currently in, and only brought out Aurora’s pregnancy as a trashy uno reverse card, then decided to dip out before blurting out that they were gonna wait NEXT TO ARMAND’S FUCKING TREE GRAVE SO AMALIA CAN PREPARE HER STUFF TO LEAVE.

Osamodas blonde cow: “We are going to pray at Armand’s grave tree, while you make your arrangements.”

The fucking nerve to say that.

I don’t give a shit if she’s crying while saying it, this bitch is supposed to be a professional manipulator.

She and her family have no shame whatsoever. They genuinely thought they did something there. The only thing they had as “leverage” against Amalia and Yugo was Aurora’s stupid “pregnancy”. And even if she was actually carrying Armand’s kid (for whatever reason), her reason would still be shit cuz Armand already declared in his final hour that Amalia was going to take his role.

Osamodas blond cow: “Your presence here is no longer desired, sister-in-law. Just do what you’ve always done…Go explore the world!”

Like-

Who are you???

Blond cow had the audacity to exist.

Not only do we know that the royal osamodas family are liars and manipulators, but we also now know that they’re complete dumbasses for even wanting to rule the Sadida kingdom of all kingdoms. The Sadida kingdom is not built like theirs. The Sadida culture and its customs are extremely different and very much the opposite of the Osamodas since these two races are polar opposites. The Sadidas care about plant life while the Osamodas care about wildlife. It would be extremely hard for the osamodas to fully accept a culture that preaches everything that opposes what they preach. Not only that, but the Sadida kingdom is the literal embodiment of nature. If anything tries to hit its source no matter how big or small, then there would be dire consequences to the entire ecosystem of the world. The Tree of Life is such a big deal in fact that Armand even nicknames it “the lungs of this world”.

And to protect it, you not only need to be one with nature, but that also means you need a SADIDA to guard it which is a person that can literally SPEAK FOR THE TREES. Aurora you NEED Amalia, not only because she’s a Sadida, but because she’s also a royal AND has the strongest connection to the tree more than any other sadidas. You’re not just ruling a kingdom, you’re taking care of the world’s core.

And Aurora’s father doesn’t seem to understand that very important detail. When Armand reveals to him that the sadida kingdom keeps getting targeted at all times because it represents the lungs of the world, this fucking dumbass cow thinks that it’s because the sadidas are weak and can’t protect their own home which is why it keeps getting attacked.

Aurora’s father is such an idiot that he doesn’t even understand why the kingdom is so precious when he’s just been TOLD THE ANSWER DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF HIS FUCKING FACE.

At this point, even a iop would get it. BECAUSE THE PERCEDAL FAMILY ACTUALLY UNDERSTOOD THE ASSIGNMENT-

This is why imagining an osamodas ruling the Sadida kingdom is a literal death sentence. Because an osamodas, someone who only takes care of beasts, shouldn’t be able to properly take care of the sacred tree that links every single living plant in the world. For fuck sake, Aurora, why do you think they call it “the Tree of LIFE”?????

If the Tree of Life doesn’t have a proper guardian (aka A FUCKING SADIDA), then it dies. And if it dies, that means the ecosystem dies. Aurora, you dumb blond, let me explain it in osamodas language: if every green that you see outside disappears, that means that your stupid animals won’t be able to properly eat, shit, reproduce, drink, breathe, and live. And yes, Aurora that last one also means that they won’t have a surface to walk on, aka death.

You don’t have a brain because you keep listening to your egocentric manipulative fat father every time he opens his mouth and you keep making constipated decisions without thinking about the later outcomes because you think you’re in control of the situation.

The only thing you can do, and I’m being generous here by giving you a “talent”, is to shut the fuck up and sit there looking pretty. You did a good job doing that in Season 4 and I want you to do that again. And while you’re at it, go make me a sandwi-

Not only does Aurora need Amalia, the sadida who has the strongest link to the Tree of Life, but the Osamodas king also needs Yugo. I’m not sure why these blue people didn’t catch the fact that there’s a gigantic ass necrome dragon that’s only been PARALYZED and is currently standing in the fucking Sadida Kingdom’s backyard. The dragon is very easy to spot and the only reason why Yugo still keeps the eliatrope dofus on him at all times is to prepare himself for when the dragon gets out of this state. Because yes, Armand did beat him, but he didn’t kill him. Again, you are not able to kill a necrome. If the royal Osamodas family somehow takes hold of the Sadida kingdom, how the fuck are they gonna beat a fucking dragon, one of the most powerful fucking entities of this world who also had been necrofied to NEVER FUCKING DIE??? The osamodas cow king never saw a necrome, never beat a necrome, doesn’t know how it became a necrome, and doesn’t know where it comes from. Since he doesn’t know shit about the necromes, how is he gonna be able to fight a fucking necrome DRAGON?????

Sweeties, do you get it now?

Staying in the Sadida kingdom isn’t for power-hungry clowns. Staying in the Sadida kingdom means that you’ve gambled with your life more than once and you know the taste of adventure and combat. Staying there means knowing that your life can be taken away from you by either the enemies who try to take the literal lungs of the world, or the paralyzed undead dragon who can wake up at any time if he simply wanted to.

You bozos NEED Yugo and Amalia to the point where you can’t even be the ones to stay there, let alone own the place. You can’t stay there because there is so much to keep guard of, to be aware of, and to be ready for. The sadidas have practiced this dance for centuries now and they’ll keep doing it even harder because of an additional menace that is living on their grounds, the dragon being that very threat. Now, not only do the sadidas have to be vigilant of the outside, but they also have to be vigilant of the inside.

So yeah, the royal osamodas are a goofy ass family and I hate the circus.

(i love how the French commentaries on Allskreen and the Krosmoz app are clowning this family lol everyone understood the assignment)

[red1culous]

No Dying Tonight

At dawn you wake to Clint changing his bandages. He grimaces as he washes where the bullet had torn skin away. 

“Morning” you mumble, “need a hand with that?” you ask crouching down next to him. 

His head is bent forward and he frowns in concentration. “I’m fine.” 

“You look like shit” you reply. This made him smile, through gritted teeth.

“You need stitches," you say. "Or something."

He stopped smiling and shook his head, then winced when he touched a particularly sore spot on his arm. “I’ll be fine. We just need to get out of these damn woods, is all.”

You hum in response. “Don’t die on me.”

“I won’t.”

“Really?” You point to the smear of blood on his white tunic.

“I won’t” he repeats himself.

“You have a fever.” You press the palm of your hand to his sweaty forehead. 

This time he hums in reply and you just watch him silently for a few seconds. 

“Fine,” you say at last. “Drink more water and eat something because if you pass out here, I ain’t carrying your crusty old ass out of here.”

He wanted to answer something smart but stopped himself when his head started to throb again. 

Across the field, some birds foraging for worms suddenly take off in flight with a ruckus of panicked whistling and fluttering wings. You raise your eyes up from the mess of blood and bandages, wondering what had riled them so. Sucking in a breath you see a faint plume of smoke in the distance staining the earlier clear skies. It could be a storm headed your way. Great. Just what you needed, to get soaking wet out here in the middle of nowhere. 

The sound of breaking branches catches your attention next. It echoes through the woods and there was no way of telling which way it was coming from. 

“What’s happening?” Clint asks. He is now laying on his back, an arm draped over his eyes, too tired to continue tending to his wound. 

“Nothing. Probably just a deer” you quickly answer not wanting to worry him. Silently you unholster your gun and lay it close to your side. 

“I couldn’t sleep last night. Kept hearing wolves howling” he mutters under his breath just loud enough for you to hear.

You chuckle. “Technically wolves ululate but I get what you mean.”

Just then you hear the sound of more branches breaking. Clint sits up a little in spite of the pain bringing his bow and quiver of arrows closer to his body. His eyes are as wide as saucers. “That was not a deer.”

You keep perfectly still, silent and focused on the green and brown shadows where the tree’s clustered together as if to defend their lands from intruders. “Something is approaching and the forest is sounding the alarm.” You point ahead of you and raise your gun in that direction. 

Clint gently nudges your shoulder. You follow his line of sight to a shaft of light behind some distant trees and shadows moving before it. You readjust your stance flicking the safety off of your gun. 

Neither of you notice the shadow that emerges from the darkness behind you. The figure approaches slowly with silent footsteps. Only when it is too late and a shiver runs down the length of your spine do you sense that something isn’t right. Two breaths later an arm is secured firmly around your neck and you’ve been disarmed. You hiss when you feel cold metal pressing into the soft skin of your jugular. 

Clint whips his head around and begins to lift his arrow at the intruder. 

“Tsk tsk tsk” the arm around your neck tightens and you feel warm breath on the side of your face. 

Clint lowers his weapon letting out a breath he was holding. “Fucking finally, I’ve been dying over here.”

The arm around your neck loosens as the person it’s attached to spins you around winding her hands this time around your middle and nuzzling her face into your neck. You instinctively close your eyes. “I’ve missed you” you say into her skin inhaling her scent.

She kisses between the junction of your neck and jaw. “I’ve missed you too.” She pulls away inspecting you for any injuries. “Sorry it took us so long to get here.”

“Yea sorry bout that,” Sam says as he clears the tree line approaching your group, “we had to wait for Bucky here to get his hair did.” 

You chuckle giving him a fist bump. Nat joins Bruce to attend to Clint. While Tony radios Fury to update him on the situation. 

Bucky watches you pointedly with an unwavering gaze. “You ok?” he says walking towards you. 

“Yeah.” You answer looking down to your bandaged right hand. Bucky quirks an eyebrow at you. 

You sigh. “I punched a guy with an insanely strong jaw but I’ll be fine.”

“You really ok?” He asks again and reaches for your hand.

“Yea." You say quickly snatching your hand away from his grasp. "What’s this about your hair?” You change the subject and go instead to touch his hair.

He swats your hand away laughing. “We weren’t late because of me, you know.” You nod. “But I have been meaning to give myself a new look. What d’ya think?”

You eye his head of hair purposefully tilting yours left and right as if deep in thought. ��Well,” you finally say, “have you thought of topiary?” He laughs shoving you gently. 

“Hey now, don’t push her she’s already injured” you hear Nat fake scold Bucky who quickly slinks off, arms raised in defeat. She lifts your bandaged hand to take a better look at it. 

“Why do you always get yourself into these messes?” she asks kissing your knuckles.

“I was just doing my duty.” You cup her cheek with your other hand. “Plus I’m fine, really I swear.”

She hums at your response. “Duty? That covers a multitude of sins.”

“You’re one to talk.” You pull her towards you and wrap your arms around her waist. 

“You know what? Let’s just go,” she says pecking you on the lips, “I can scold you when we’re home.”

-------------

I have a taglist if you would like to join the funhouse.

@arcturusseer @readings-stuff @blackwidow-3 @justyourwritter69 @cutelittleakira @jareguiromanoff @sk1nnyftt @official-clint-barton @nattysredhair @black-kittycat18 @owloftheshadows @angryalpacachaos @iliketozoneout @marvelonmymind @wastdstime @lovelyy-moonlight @beholdagaywriter @inluvwithfictionalwomen @33-mrvl @wandanats-goodgirl @natashasilverfox

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling an old man to kill himself on his birthday?

btw this has transphobia homophobia racism in it so yeah be aware

i (cisM22) have a trans girlfriend (F23). we live in a relatively liberal area and, not to say that she isn't beautiful, but she doesn't pass all the way. but she has long hair and she was wearing a dress that day, so she looked very feminine.

we were on a date at a relatively fancy restaurant. we had reservations and everything. we sit down at our table and next to us as these six white old people having a fucking ball. they were loud as shit and obviously drunk but my gf and i just ignored it for a while because we wanted to have a good time.

one of them had a birthday cake set down in from of him and their drinks were topped off. and then, loud as shit, these wrinkly fucking ballsacks start spewing conservative hate. something about the florida anti-trans bills and how they should just round them together and shoot them. my girlfriend looked visibly uncomfortable so i called for a waiter and asked if we could get a table far away from them.

i guess they heard me and one of the old women looked at my girlfriend and murmured, "i guess he just couldn't handle the truth." and i felt nothing but rage, so i said, "what truth? that her tits are better than yours?" and from there it just went downhill.

i honestly can't remember much of the argument. it only lasted thirty seconds but in those thirty seconds, my girlfriend and one of the waiters were trying to calm us down. i had six crusty ass white people dogging on me, calling my girlfriend slurs, calling me slurs (i'm mexican), and i was saying shit about their dementia-ridden asses are gonna die alone in a nursing home cause they kids probably don't even talk to them cause "where the fuck they at gramps".

eventually the birthday bitch called me a faggot and i was like "this faggot is telling you to fucking kill yourself sir, shove that walking stick up your ass" and by that point they got security to escort me and my girlfriend out.

my girlfriend was in tears and really overwhelmed after that. she didn't say anything the whole ride home until we got there. she said that while she appreciated me defending her, i just caused an unnecessary scene, and telling that man to kill himself was too far. i apologized to her, even though the only thing i really feel bad about is making her cry, and i promised i wouldn't do it again.

i don't regret anything i did honestly. i just feel bad about ruining our date and making her cry. i don't think we should've been the ones to get kicked out of that restaurant either. i don't know if those old fucks got the boot, but i'm praying they break a hip or something.

aita?

What are these acronyms?

[milkbreadandtadpoles]

soup and stars

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚⋆˚🐾˖°⋆｡°🎧•‧.₊˚🐰‎₊˚⋆⭒｡⋆୨୧˚˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚⋆˚🐾˖°⋆｡°🎧•‧.₊˚🐰‎₊˚⋆⭒｡⋆୨୧˚

snip: you keep sukuna's favorite after workout drink in your fridge. and no, you don't frequent that store. sukuna looks at you like you hung the moon and painted the sky yourself when you're either on the brink of death or not paying attention (it's only with his eyes, though. he's a certified rbf). the two of you have been hooking up for over a year with little conversation outside of snarky comments and emojis he doesn't get.

and he sometimes takes care of you when you're sick for five hours only.

warnings: suggestive language, sukuna being a parallel of this guy i used to hookup with who was srsly emotionally constipated and really milked my daddy issues, reader being dumb (lol me), probably a lot of run on sentences and weird descriptions but i am not srry ab it, no Y/N here, a lot of parentheses for some reason

authors note: omg hey. i have this a03 and i thought i'd put a tumblr to pair it together cuz i had an old tumblr but i was kinda done w her (may she rest in peace!) anywayyy my name is lillie, hi again. hope u enjoy this!! luv me some sukuna who reminds me of all my bad flings.

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚⋆˚🐾˖°⋆｡°🎧•‧.₊˚🐰‎₊˚⋆⭒｡⋆୨୧˚˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚⋆˚🐾˖°⋆｡°🎧•‧.₊˚🐰‎₊˚⋆⭒｡⋆୨୧˚

Since when did you get sick like this?

This time, not that time you lied to your boss, you have an actual stomach bug. Stomach thing. Food poisoning from bad sushi. You don't know.

What you do know, however, is that everything smells bad, you can’t stomach anything other than a handful of saltine crackers. You couldn’t even finish your coffee yesterday morning; you’re just coming down from a fever. Everything is hot and cold, nothing feels right on your skin. Noises are too loud, but the silence is making your ears bleed. 

Curled up into the sheets, you shiver. It rocks over you, feeling cold despite your body burning off whatever infection is brewing in your gut. Your skin feels crusty yet damp, scalp itchy and pulled back into two haphazard buns. Stray strands lay over your forehead that twinkles with cold sweat.

Vampire Diaries plays in the background, volume loud enough so you can hear where you’re at within the series but quiet enough to give you grace if you wish to take another four hour nap. You don’t even want to get on your phone, ignoring the occasional, silent buzzes and flashing light that draw your eyes away from the fuzz of your blanket.

Time passes in a druken haze, not knowing whether you slept or not, not feeling entirely there at all. You fail to count the amount of times you got up to throw up or sit on the toilet, thankful the walls are snug enough to rest your head on the wall of it to contemplate if it’s worth passing out before you gather your wits and crawl back into bed.

There’s a rustle in your sheets, a distant sound of intro music for the vampire show.

“You still watchin’ this shit?” A gruff voice sounds from above you.

Your brows furrow in your sleepy haze- you don’t have energy to fight an intruder, pulling the sheets over your head that throbs from lack of everything. Horribly big hands paw at the clothed dip in your waist. And you let out a mixture of a whine and huff at the realization that your little fling (if you could even call it that) picked a horrible day to play.

“Sukuna,” You murmur, drawing the blankets higher above the crown of your head before he has a chance to yank it down and see your very unprepared self, “Not a good time.”

Sukuna, an occasional fuck and lackluster addition to your friend group, scoffs a laugh, muttering something about you really being a freak, something about thanking your dad for giving you all these issues that only he can handle as he gropes the flesh of your ass.

And it would feel so lovely if you weren’t on the brink of death.

“Eggroll. All the eggrolls.”

He groans, lifting his hand away from you in agreement to the safe word (because that one time when the two of you didn't have one and you reacted that way actually scared the shit out of him). 

“I’m sick.” You add quietly, urging your body to morph into a tighter ball. If Sukuna were his younger brother, or his younger brother’s friend, you’d ask either of them to cover you with another blanket. Or to refill your water bottle. Maybe even run to the store down the road and grab you some soup. But this is Sukuna, and-

There’s a harsh tug at the blanket covering your head, and you try to weakly grip the fabric in place.

“That’s why you didn’t answer my text? ‘Cause you’re all disgusting and shit?” He questions, giving one more quick tug to reveal your messy hair, the tint to the apples of your cheeks. The way his gaze feels makes the very top of your gut churn, and you scrunch your face as you decide whether or not you need to puke again.

“Mhm.” You nod, begging for the fabric back with a soft tug. Sukuna relents, snorting as you cover your head back up.

His body weight makes your bed frame squeak as he repositions himself to slouch next to you, and you peer at him through the crack of the blanket. He pulls out his phone, typing on it lazily. Through your bubbling stomach, confusion festers simply because he isn’t moving.

“Thought you not replying was you trying to be cute ’n shit.” A hand makes its way onto your lower back, the weight of it making your eyes bulge in silent surprise. With all your strength, you shake your head and whisper a soft sorry. He tuts, like all weirdly immature but mature, rude but nice and confusing older brother types do, dismissing your apology with a little pat on your back.

Another pat, and you’re snuggling into the blankets and letting your eyes close, mapping the way his hand feels and ignoring the way your stomach cramps. You hear the distant sound of a picture being taken, only being able to mutter a humiliated groan. There's a vibration where your phone is, and you know that the group chat has been notified of your predicament. 

“You eat? Take a shower?” Sukuna asks, mastering the art of making his concern dismissive. The silence on your end answers everything he needs to know, humming in acknowledgement. You’re a stubborn little shit who likes to suffer in isolation, he’ll give you that.

He synchs a basketball game to your TV, adamantly rotating between patting and rubbing your back until you’re snoring and curled up next to his lap.

When you wake up, you’re still cold, still sweating off your fever. You peers towards the bed, noticing the empty spot but the basketball game still softly playing on the screen. For a moment, you let your head slump back into the mattress before you force yourself out of bed to pee.

The weight in your body is too overwhelming to be horrified by your appearance when you emerge to make your way into a shared bathroom with your roommate. They’re all gone for work, and you don’t have the wit to ask where Sukuna got the time off to come fuck you in the middle of the day. Or why he was looking at your location. 

“I forgot how much of a bitchy face you have.” He comments, voice a note softer than you would usually hear, as you pad towards the bathroom. You grumble a quiet fuck you, slinking towards the bathroom.

You fix your hair to the best of your ability- standing up too long made you throw up. Your abdomen feels like it’s gone to three HIT classes in a row, hardly having any reserves to help you stand and brush your teeth. So you do it knelt over the bathtub, making sure to lock the door to make sure that stupid person of interest doesn’t see you so weak.

Rinsing your mouth out knelt over a tub is a new low, spitting the globs of toothpaste and water into the drain before you turn it off and brace the sides of the tub to stand and wander back out into the kitchen. Your bones feel like brittle, a bowling ball in your stomach forcing your posture to look horrifyingly old. It's been two days but you've aged thirty years. 

“Hi.” You greet weakly, rubbing your eyes before putting your arms back down as swiftly as you can. When was the last time you shaved?

Sukuna nods back, digging through a plastic bag. It’s only a few seconds before you’re sitting on the floor. The tile makes you twitch, and you wonder how you’re going to get up without looking like a hobbling mess. Maybe you’ll just crawl.

Soup and some electrolyte drinks are set out on the counter- along with your favorite candy. For a moment, your brows furrow, and then your lip wobbles in realization.

“Did you get that for me?”

“Can’t fuck you if you’re all pitiful and disgusting.” Is all he says, but his lip twitches into a bewitching smirk as your eyes well with tears and you sniffle out a sweet thank you. "Of course you’d cry over stupid shit like this." He adds, shaking his head. 

His shoes click bluntly against the floor, and he peers down at you with that devastatingly handsome, horribly mean face.

“You could just go fuck another girl.” You murmur sappily, lip jutting into a pout. And it’s true, you know it. The two of you have established that. He throws it in your face, too, when you tell him you’re busy or you’re too sleepy. Or when you simply don’t want to deal with his attitude.

His laugh tickles your heart, staring at him with wide, watery eyes as he bends down and gathers you into his arms. You squirm, or try to, holding any pride and ego close to your chest like a rabid animal as you let out a faux uncomfortable noise. There’s a familiar tap to your ass that urges you to stop, and you sink into Sukuna’s terrifyingly comfortable embrace as he carries you back to your room. The two of you have hardly cuddled before, the absolute most being him begrudgingly letting you cling onto him after one particularly rough night- only to shove you off five minutes later, giving you a pat on the head as if to say good job, thanks for the head, before leaving.

So this is new, awkward, when your semi friend with semi benefits sets you down with the upmost genteel fashion and retreats back into the kitchen. He comes back with an armful of products moments later. Soup, your favorite cup filled with mystery get well liquid, a straw and a big spoon.

“I don’t like big spoons.”

“That’s too fuckin’ bad because that’s what I got- stop pouting like that, it's disgusting.”

Sukuna sets everything down and defiantly does not grab another spoon for you. You make a noise in the back of your throat when he reaches over and urges you to sit up with a silent look that you’re expected to figure out. He lets you maneuver a pillow behind your back, lets you curl a blanket around your body and change the TV back to Vampire Diaries- he does not let you feed yourself.

When you reach for the bowl of soup (your favorite- chicken and stars), he uses only a percentage of his strength to swat your hand away, giving you another demand to stop sulking like a little kid before he’s crawling (crawling!) across the bed. Bowl of soup and too big of spoon in hand, he sits across from and in front of your view from the show.

He leans forward in a sort of endearing way, brows furrowed in a certain concentration as he scoops the perfect spoonful of soup and stars, holding it to your mouth. And he watches when you open your mouth with furrowed brows, lips closing around the dipped metal so that nothing drips down your chin. The broth warms your mouth, your stomach in an instant, making your face relax and your back slump into the pillow that supports you.

There’s a prickle of humiliation on the apples of your cheeks, something Sukuna would likely make fun of if you weren’t half asleep by the time he finishes spoon feeding you. And yea, there was one singular instance of him swiping away fallen liquid away with his thumb. And yea, you’re going to remember that forever. And most definitely are you going to internalize this as something more between the two of you than just friends who fuck (friend being a huge overstatement).

“I don’t like you.” You find yourself murmuring as Sukuna thrusts your clunky, metal, pink water bottle in your face. Obediently, as you always are, you sip at the liquid, swallowing down any grimace as he stares right at you while you swallow.

“You’re not my favorite, either.” He grunts, picking the cup up as soon as you set it down and representing it to you with a face.

“I’m at least second to your video game console.” Your grumble with pursed lips, taking another measly sip. When Sukuna raises his brows, you take a few more.

“Third. Second is pot. And it’s a PS4- fucking nerd.”

The part of your stomach that isn’t cramping to shit flutters, your fever probably rises, and you smile to yourself as you take a big gulp of the electrolyte solution. You swallow before he says the softest atta girl and takes the cup to set it back down.

Sukuna helps you shuffle under three big blankets, gives you your phone and goes to wash the soup bowl. You text Satoru with sick enthusiasm, to which he reiterates it in your (other) group chat where everyone just starts sending silly fangirlish memes. Shoko isn’t phased, Suguru isn’t pleased, either. But there’s an icky smile on your face, the thought of when it’ll end and Sukuna will go back to, well, Sukuna, gnawing at the back of your throat.

But you’ll pretend for today, like you do everyday.

“Are you leaving?” You ask when he comes back into the room, question answered when the bed dips once more.

He grunts a no, to shut up and sleep as he synchs up another sports game. You don’t mind, turning your head so you’re facing him. His back rests against a pillow with a floral case, one of your weighted stuffed animals squished between the weight of his back and the metal bed frame.

You stare with lidded eyes and hot cheeks, tracing the musculature of his shoulders and the sharpness of his face in the same pattern you do after he’s done making you quiver and shake and cry. The plush of the blanket is a perfect excuse for the sheen of sweat on your face, your stomach still molten lava and convulsing.

But it’s just a little more than a dull ache with Sukuna here, bored face and all.

For a moment, before you fall asleep for a third time today, you feel his fingertips, hard and gruff and soft, brush against your cheek, your chapped lips. You’re too tired to hide or quip at him in the static-like fashion that makes him laugh.

You swear you see his lips twitch when you hum affectionately. There’s a text waiting for your friends, a mental scoreboard to update. Smile number two. Four days apart. From holding a sparkler and ogling at it like a child at Satoru’s New Year’s Eve party to laying in bed sick, purring like a cat as he pets you.

“Stop looking like you’re going to die.” He all but requests, covering your face with a sliver of the blanket and looking back at the game. Grabbing the remote, he turns the volume up a few more notches to ignore your itty bitty, very sleepy laugh.

Seconds away from sleep, Sukuna uncovers it- you. His lingering gaze tingles your nose, all the way down to the tips of your toes. Your infatuation with him might as well be the cure to cancer from the faintest spark of energy it gave you.

He’s not there when you wake up. It could have been a fever dream for all you know if it wasn’t for the refilled hydro flask and oddly neat note scribbled for you to ‘drink the fuck up’ on one of your Sanrio sticky notes. There's a brief look of horror on your face knowing that he looked through your drawers to find one. 

You drink it all and take a gruesome looking picture, sending it to him with a silly caption- your way of saying thank you. Sukuna doesn’t respond, but the read receipts are on. And he doesn’t talk to you for awhile, as if he curates the perfect way to make you stay by letting the bubbling like for him simmer into nothing, only for it to come back in full force when asks if you’re awake three Thursdays later.He asks if he can still use the key you gave him to come by after the gym to shower because his little brother and friends are over and he doesn’t want to hear them blubber while they figure out their alcohol tolerance (or lack thereof).

A pearly, well built increment of yourself hopes it’s so he’ll check up on you, too, after he slinks into your room and fucks you just the way he likes- because he knows you like it, too.

And you say yes, like you always do. Tell him about this new body wash you got that he can use, that you just so happened to get his favorite drink from the store he get his protein powder and supplements from when you went grocery shopping.

you don’t even like that store lmfao

found a new prebiotic there! Saw it on Pintrest

sure

Sukuna is not immune to exploiting your obvious cartwheels to please him. He’ll never say thank you, and you won’t ever ask him to. You do it for all your friends, you tell him. Shoko’s toothbrush brand is in your bathroom cabinet when she sleeps over. Satoru’s moisturizer and favorite tooth-rotting snacks. Suguru’s blanket because he gets cold at movie nights. But Sukuna knows he could have whatever he asked for within the hour.

He’ll never address that he took care of you when you were sick. Both times. Or that there's a packet of your favorite gum in the console of his car. And he'd rather be dead than you, shit, anyone, find out that there's a hidden album of little you's in his phone. 

i’m just a good friend  *ੈ♡⸝⸝🪐༘⋆

we’re not friends.

It doesn’t hurt your feelings. Because you know he’s emotionally constipated, that no one’s ever really cared. Except Yuji, but little brothers always care. That whatever affection and consideration thrown his way will be burnt to a crisp, that he’ll only ever look at you like you hung the stars when no one’s looking, or only think about you at night when the weed isn’t helping him sleep. 

uh huh, we sure aren’t. see you later! make sure to stretch before you lift!!

stop texting me, it's fucking up my music

₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚🎧⊹♡

?

[youremyheaven]

OKAY STORYTIME u guyysss

so my friend, we'll call her Mishti was in a long term relationship with a deadbeat loser guy who was toxic and crusty af (she's a Solar girl- Krittika Moon and she basically provided for him and he never gave her anything, not even peace of mind 😭) they started seeing each other in 2021 and I always thought their breakup was imminent because she was a straight A student and ambitious af and he was an unemployed toad 🐸 (they started dating when she was 21 and he was 26 btw 😬 to have no education or job AND expect your girl to spoil u at that big ass age is 🤢🤢🤮) they were always fighting and arguing and never had a moment of peace. She was talking to him ALL the time (she's Revati Sun)

I made my IG account in early 2023 and this guy started following me. He would unfollow and refollow me every few days so I just stopped letting him back in (i have a private acc) and he send me DMs like "why won't you let me follow you" and I was like ??? bc you keep unfollowing me?? and he was like "ohhh i was just trying to get your attention 😜" and I was like ???? (mind you, I had never ever met this guy and I'm sure he knew I was in his gf's college but I don't know if he knew that we were good friends) and he was all like "I know all about you, aren't you studying for ______ and aren't you from _____" (this is basic info bc it's just his gf's details basically) and I was like huh??? and he was like "I like looking at your profile, I look at it often" and I stopped replying after that 💀🤡😬😬 I know it doesn't seem immoral exactly but i don't think you should be talking to your girlfriend's friend this way 😬😬🤮

I thought of telling her but then I didn't want her to think I was a bitch 🤡 bc girlies in love will defend their philandering men and blame the women,,, so I just shut up even tho it really bothered me to think that I was the only friend of hers that he followed and he felt fine ??? talking to me like that ??? like was he not in the corner of his mind thinking that I might tell her that he's a bit sus 💀 IDK

Anywayyysss months go by and he sends me messages that I ignore (all of them are compliments and it doesn't feel right 😬😬) finally in June, he send me a long message about how he just wants to be my friend and wish I'd just talk to him 💀💀💀🤡 and I was like okay that's it, I can't do this shit anymore and I blocked him and messaged her to tell her about her man weirding me out

She told me that they'd broken up in early 2024 and that he'd been cheating on her 💀💀💀💀💀🤡

And I was like damn it I should've said something 😩😩😩😩 like clearly that man was lusty messaging and cheating with many women 😩😩and maybe i could've made the breakup happen sooner 😩😩🤡

But honestly Solar girlies stay in relationships they gain nothing from for far too long 😔

They're always dating men who give them breadcrumbs

She had 9383838 reasons to dump his ass but she stuck by him for YEARRSSS until finally he did something she couldn't forgive 😔😔😔

If you're a Solar woman, please stop giving your time and energy to men who give u absolutely nothing. I know you're an independent queen who needs nothing from anyone but don't carry around people who are dead weights and rob u of ur light 😩😩🙏 don't be independent at the expense of being with someone uncaring

[aflo]

Not me being fandom hatecrimed and passive aggressively dog piled on THE fandumb website tumblr dot com by a dumb bitch with a cowboy url and an even dumber bitchass OP with Gigi Studio Ghibli Icon and even stupider tacky shitass tungle.hel pride badge that this self proclaimed "cunt" OP of a shitty tumblruniversitycore shit post willingly put on her blog to match and you two wanna act like you're the ones who better than me for daring to vague about Hazbin Hotel on tumblr dot com on a post that was already about some dumb fandumb discourse about a tungle.hell demon show and feeling safe enough to just tag what I was talking about because I thought that I could trust an even more basic bitch than anyone, not to try to be a fucked up little snobby bitch acting like they hold some kind of higher fandumb ground than anyone else on a post where that bitch OP with a fuckass anime icon is whining about apparently dragging her musty, crusty, ugly, greasy, McMemeShitPoster skinny Leah Michelle Gleeky (since you fave poor taste enough to actually like Supernatural That Much) Funny Tumblr Girly ass to a musty crusty Supernatural Convention that was probs just dashcon (because you know you be suckin' tumblrs whole blue veiny dick when you willingly put a tumblr badge on your blog cause you're that basic), to get willingly hatecrimed by your favorite Live Action Tumblr Blorbo TM, Mr. Jensen Fucking Under House Arrest Stubbed His Toe on Rusty Nail and Died Trying to Remove His Ankle Bracelets or Whatever...

Gurl I could never have taste that mediocre I'm sorry you ether don't eat, or don't eat anything but McDonald's cause you thought that meme was so funny.

And to think I wasn't gonna put this shit on my blog or try to add anything I just knew I was gonna get some nasty, hypocritical, passive aggressive tag typing, shitty memed up response to my addition because originally my only knee jerk response in my head when I saw this was "... Not the #Supernatural Discourse, though...Be kind to yourself.... Don't even lower yourself Sweetie ... Don't look, don't even look at them ... You know Hazbin already has a much sweeter, saner, queerer, kinder, safer fandom environment than the Death by Rusty Nail CW Show.... Just don't!"

But I did... And now I guess I can say for certain that Supernatural Fans TM are just as Mean Spirited and Crusty as their Infamous Shows ending! But It was probably like your entire personality for a while there so what more could I expect? :D

Like I'm sorry your own fandumb etiquette needs an oil can and you're obvi limegreen jelly because vivziepop fans have the power of Mara Wilson, Jinkxx Monsoon, Kesha Rose, John Waters, and probz soon Lady Gaga on our side and all you have is your anime cat icon from an overrated studio and that tacky ass tumblr badge while you forgot what it was like to have your fandom be everyone else's punching bag for a hot minute and you're feeling insecure and treating me like you must've been treated, just for adding to your post about an obnoxious experience with an actor in a tumblr fandom, sharing my own obnoxious experience with an actor in a tumblr fandom. which ultimately was a harmless thing for me to share on a post on the fandumb website that means nothing ...

But it turns out having a much happier fandom experience than yours is what I get when my shows have an actually queer show runner and a bunch of queer icons doing actual queer representation, and admittedly annoying and well meaning alleys that show actual passion about their projects like I'm sorry that your taste is so poor you actually wanted to fuck Dean Wince Emotionless or were queer baited by him or whatever but I'm different, and apparently, the only Actual Cunt on this post right now is me, being brave enough to have The Nerve.

So OP, the next time you feel so holier than thou to make fun of a person on tumblr dot com talking about their experience with a show about demons, while you're also talking about your experience with a show about demons, please consider closing out the Cringe Fandumb Website we're both using right now, touch your feet to the grass, and while you're on that grass, please touch your feet to the same exact rusty nail your Precious Ankle Fuckboy did and die. :D

And if you're too lazy to do that much, at least get your little cowgirl over yonder in the tags who mumbled at me for demon fandom discoursing on your post about demon fandom discourse, to have her little Striker Helluva Boss Moment and try and track me down and assassinate me for you by feeding me cookies with rusty nails in them. Since you'd apparently like me to disappear so badly. ;)

Because I think that's the only way to get me Shut The Fuck Up Hazbin Hotel Fan TM. Us Hazbin Hotel Fans aren't gonna be shutting fuck the up anytime soon. Not sorry. ;)

Also not sorry to break it to you OP, honey.... But you know being a Supernatural fan making fun of a Hazbin Hotel fan is like you're Toby McGuire Spider-Man and I'm Tom Hardy Venom over here, right?

Same Thing. Same Concept. Almost cut from the same cloth. Only my cloth is a little bit more high quality, a little more flashy, a little more fashionable, certainly more explicitly queer fashion, and again, just a little more comfortable to be in because it's made by people who actually have a heart, soul and passion to put into their work. Too bad the people cutting your cloth didn't have a heart and neither do you or your friends now . ;) ♥ X.O

😨

[til-f]

PJO Show Thoughts. Episode 7: We find out the truth (not)

Alright. I just don't even know. I thought the pacing was marginally better here. Scenes flowed nicer. And I thought the dialogue wasn't so useless.

Yay!!!! Crusty scene!!!!!!

Literally right off the fucking BAT, the first words in the episode are percy explaining exactly what's going to happen, who crusty is, no shenanigans, no mystery, no fun villain scene, nothing. oh my FUCKING GOD, it's every good scene THEY RUIN IT its CRAZY. ACTUALLY CRAZY.

It's the same shit every episode. Oh, fun monster scene where the monster tries to trick them and the fight builds while we figure out who the monster is???? NOPE!!! it's actually complete bullshit. it's ridiculous. where's rick????

Okay I see the red ball. yay!

I'll live with the plot changes even though it sucks. I'll live with it. it's just bad show writing that i'm annoyed with now.

OH MY GOD WHY IS SALLY SUCH A BITCH !!! lolollollL

I did miss the scene were percy bribes charon to let them pass. why change that. why take out a fun bit like that. instead they're like, take everything charon!!! we're so stupid, just let us into the underworld so I can save my mom !!!!!

The cerberus scene was way more complicated than it needed to be lol. but I think the underworld was cool

Back to 3 pearls.... I think rick is just trying to annoy us now.

I do like the flashbacks. My dumbass is just hoping that it all transitions very beautifully into percy's fallen hero arc but these are just my dumb dreams !!!!!!

So annabeth is gone? okay

The root/regret/ thing was completely unnecessary psychology that was stupid

The tartarus, shoe bit was good

"is this our stop, or?" LOL

Hades is weird and awkward and way to cheerful. this god is supposed to be a scorned, jaded ass, lazy, arrogant, bastard, dripping with grease and jealousy and grudges.

DID YALL SEE WHERE HADES WAS LIKE, FOLDING LAUNDRY??? LMAO WHAT

Hades sucks

I just wanted the line, "I'll find your helm, Uncle. I'll return it." nope!!

I guess hades is offering to protect them? because there's going to be a war with kronos and he wants the master bolt for protection ?????? SLOW YOUR ROLL WRITERS. WE'RE NOT FUCKING THERE YET. EVEN WHEN THE WAR WAS A C T I V E L Y occuring hades didn't give a FUCK. whatever. now i'm anger. plus, nothing about how hades sent the furies.... it didn't seem like hades thought percy stole his helm, which was like,,,,, teh whole ass point. jesus christ

Poseidon is meh

Sally is meh

I guess their convo was fine, i didn't mind it. I liked when poseidon was saying that he'll be there for percy, when he knows who he is. Which is cool, even though who percy should "be" is very different to sally. I can't wrap my brain around what the writers want me to be thinking, you know?

no mention again of how they're past the solstice deadline??? you'd think that would have been a bigger deal but OKAY

ares is the best god by far at this point

overall, I really shouldn't be spending so much of my limited free time writing these long posts about the episodes, when I have been getting well, not a whole lot of pleasure watching them. but these characters are still my babies, and I will continue to support the making of the show even though it's blowing chunks. Rick

See yall next week for episode 8: Where's the Damn Fishing Chair Throne

[ferindencadash]

The world's most entitled fucking old white man is in my office and the fact that I haven't set him on fire yet should be applauded.

Long rant incoming:

This old and crusty white British dude has been living in the Bahamas for the last 30 years and now he's moving here to Canada. He had his stuff shipped in crates. He called back in September to let us know that he "took the liberty" of putting our office as the ship-to destination. Without asking us.

Okay. Whatever. So he says these crates will arrive "sometime" and that we should contact him when they do to arrange delivery to his new house. We have no agreement with him, there's no inventory list, no date of delivery, no home address, nothing. He hasn't even asked our rates (so I'm assuming money is not an issue 🙄).

I hear nothing from him again until this week.

Suddenly he's in my office, and the crates will be here "tomorrow or the next day" and he's barking instructions on "exactly how this is going to be done" and freaking out when we offer ANY alternative ideas (because his ideas are dumb as fuck).

Okay. WHATEVER. We'll do what he says cause he's paying for it. 🙄

So now at least I have a weight for the crates. Over 3500 fucking pounds. So I ask, are the delivery guys going to unload these crates into the warehouse? Cause we don't have a forklift. "I have no idea what the delivery men have!! Why would I know that??"

😑😑😑

Okay well. If they don't, we can't fuckin help you and maybe you should have checked BEFORE SENDING YOUR SHIT HERE.

Anyway. Using the weight as a guide, I put together an estimate for how long it's going to take to break down these crates and move all his shit. I send him this estimate and he calls SCREAMING "what the hell is this charge?? I'm not paying that! You said there was an hourly rate!"

Yes, an hourly rate, and this is an *estimate* at how many hours this job will take. If it takes less time, you'll be charged less. If it takes more time, you'll be charged more.

"I'M NOT PAYING THIS! REMOVE THIS CHARGE IMMEDIATELY!"

It's not a charge sir... it's an estimate.

"YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME! SEND ME A BILL WITH THE HOURLY RATE! DO YOU WANT MY BUSINESS OR NOT??"

No, not really. But of course my boss says yes. So I send him a new estimate, with the minimum charge listed, and a huge note saying "this is only the minimum charge, we charge BY THE HOUR and this job WILL TAKE LONGER THAN THIS and cost more than what is listed here."

He accepts it. I GUARANTEE he's going to be a total cunt when he gets the bill and it's more than the minimum. But whatever, boss man's the one losing money when this asshole won't pay, not me.

This morning he calls the office. The "idiot" driver "didn't do what he was supposed to do" and now his shit is stuck at customs. So he's emailing me a bunch of customs paperwork for me to print out for him?? Hello?? We are not a fucking Staples sir. Print your own shit.

Of course I do it, because it's my job to kiss old people's asses all day. 😑

He comes in and I give him the stack of papers. He looks through them and, while standing in my office, calls the customs agent and starts yelling at *her* because he's stupid and confused and doesn't understand the paperwork (which was a very straightforward inventory of his items that he just needed to sign). So now I'm trying to do my job and deal with other customers while this stupid asshole is standing 3 feet away yelling at customs ON SPEAKERPHONE.

Finally he gets off the phone and is like, I have to take these to the border (which is not far, this city is right on the us/can border) to get them stamped, then I'm coming back here and you're going to scan and email them for me.

😑

Yeah. Okay. Whatever gets you out of my fucking office. Sure I'll be your personal secretary. 🖕🖕🖕

Oh. And then he mentions that the customs agent he was just screaming at IS HIS SON'S GIRLFRIEND. I'm sure she loves family gatherings... 😑

So now these crates probably won't be delivered today after all. Which means I have to reschedule this stupid move. And we have NO availability til next Saturday, we are *swamped* next week. Which means he's gonna have to pay for storage if he wants to keep his crap here. I'm sure *that* will go over well. 🙄

So that's where we're at in the customer service drama for now. I'm *certain* there will be more. 😮‍💨

Also, I'm still recovering from my infection and feel like shit and probably shouldn't even be around people (I've been masking like a good boy, at least).

Also also, this fucker called me "young lady" about 30 fucking times and I swear to fucking god my blood pressure is off the charts. Gender shit aside (I've accepted being misgendered as a requirement of getting paid, for now) I AM ALMOST 40 FUCKING YEARS OLD. This guy is gonna get a boot to the fuckin head.

Rant over.

😮‍💨

[stinky-winky28]

headcannonz for

1. favorite food. which snack are they gulping down like theres no tomorrow

2. how would they respond to a hug request

3. how would they respond to a request for a SMOOCH 😍😍‼️‼️ (satire [no it's not])

4. how freaky are they on a scale from 1 to 10

5. mozzarella sticks or no?

Barry

None. Will eat anything and everything that is placed in front of him. No hesitation. Vacuum cleaner vibes

Would give you a bear hug but then try to touch your ass in an ironic way (he's a super senior)

Would talk super 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 and say yes but wouldn't actually do it

4/10 would say in explicit detail what he was gonna do to you ("I'm gonna touch you little bro") vibes but does not have the mojo to back it up

Yes, delicious

Jean

Doesnt really have favorites but if given the choice to pick, he would have like a steak or meat of some kind

Bear hug but more sincere and not weird like Barry. Fatherly, you could say

Would politely decline because he has a wife (in my hc at least)

6/10 idk if he can keep a wife I'd say he's okay

Yep, they wouldn't be his absolute favorite but he'd still like them

Jacob

He's a little skinny crusty homeless dog so he would think that everything tastes amazing, so nothing

Would accept but would stand completely still and just stare at you

Would not say anything and just stare at you again but like that 1000 yard stare meme

0/10 He doesn't want to form any sort of attachment with anyone at all bc he lowkey traumatizes also I hc he's at least demi-aroace

Yes, would consume them like a piece of meat thrown into a pool of pirahnas

Karl/Klaus/Prussian Officer

Something boring as hell like bread and butter or something

Would say no and walk away

Would say no and walk away

7/10 he never discusses anything of the matter but he's actually a little bit of 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴

No, if he were to consume them he would say they were too cheesy