#because I knew that if I actually committed to choosing dogs based on personality I would still be trying to decide

[kelpo-cereal]

ouppy-fies your young justice

[thinkerspace]

Review of “Grit” by Angela Duckworth

What would you imagine if you called someone gritty? Before I read Duckworth’s book, I typically envisioned someone forcing themselves, by sheer effort, to do something they knew was right but still didn’t feel like doing. In some ways, that image wasn’t wrong, but it was definitely incomplete, and Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance made that image a bit more accurate. 

As the title suggests, Duckworth defines grit as passion-directed perseverance. Neither brute force nor pure motivation, it is a dogged pursuit of the fulfillment of your highest values. I’ll get into this more, but I really appreciated her distinction between the dogged pursuit of every goal and any goal, no matter how significant. Her book is not about the power of Sticking To What You Do as an isolated value — just as important, she says, is that what you do aligns with your highest goals for your life. I’ll break down what she means by both passion and perseverance and then look at the components of grit as it develops. She calls them the tools for growing grit; I would argue that they are less a formula for growing grit and closer to an analysis of what grit is actually made of, so while a lot of this article will be focusing on a section she dedicates to actually growing grit, I won’t talk about it quite the same way. 

A final note before getting into the content — my one major gripe with this book is the terminology Duckworth uses to express her ideas. Her thoughts and research are enlightening and helpful, but grit and passion are used slightly differently in colloquial English than how she uses them. This isn’t too much of a problem as long as you can re-categorize how you see the words while reading her book, but it does make actually talking about the ideas with someone who hasn’t a bit complicated. It’s best to just take the terms she uses as placemarkers for a concept, rather than what you would typically expect them to mean. 

Passion

To Duckworth, passion is interest that is not only intense but also sustained. So if I take up violin and practice five hours a day for a year but drop it afterwards, I might have had intense interest in it, but I wouldn’t have had a passion for it. This is different from perseverance, as you’ll see, because perseverance must overcome the temptation of setbacks; passion must overcome the challenge of a temptation for novelty.

Because passion is sustained, gritty people take a delight in wading deeper into their field. To them, becoming an expert is interesting and fulfilling, not burdensome, and even if at times it can feel dry, gritty people work to correct this by taking an active interest in their field. I liked this idea quite a lot because of its implicit distinction between active and passive interest. Typically we talk about interest passively — something interests us — rather than actively — we take an interest in something. The former is whimsical, like we would stop engaging with it once it stopped interesting us; the latter requires more effort, but it stays with us longer. 

Active interest reappears in other situations we would associate with long-term commitment and lasting affection, such as in a romantic relationship. A person may not always be interested in what their significant other tells them as a concept itself — myself included — but they take an interest in it and its impact upon their partner because they value their partner and what affects his or her life more than spurious feelings of interest. This mirrors something we’ll come back to in the section on perseverance, which is that gritty people actively choose their decisions based on their values, and non-gritty people passively follow their feelings, whether or not they align with their highest values. 

So if we need to be passionate about something to be gritty, what is The Something that we care so much about that we will forfeit lazy, feelings-based decisions for? Duckworth says that this Something is a trajectory towards fulfilling your highest goals. She identified her own highest goals by listing out all her present goals and filtering them down to five, and then identifying the common theme running through them. It is a bottom-up approach to goal identifying, but top-down approaches to the same can be clunky and unreliable and produce generic “make the world a better place” results anyway. A few examples she gives of top-level goals, though, are: 

Do things better than they have ever been done before — Seattle Seahawks Coach Pete Carroll

Pitch the best I possibly can day after day, year after year — Hall of Fame Pitcher Tom Seaver

And Duckworth’s own top-level goal, Use psychological science to help kids thrive

Another way she describes this is to think of low-level goals (like leaving for work at 8:00 a.m.) as means to fulfilling mid-level goals (like getting to work on time), which are means towards fulfilling higher-level goals, and so it goes until you get to a goal that you do “just because” — it is its own end, rather than a means to something. If you have multiple high-level “just because” goals, the theme running through them is your life philosophy, which is what spurs and anchors the passion of gritty people. Paragons of grit have precise focus because they have identified their values, and this allows them to make clear and intentional decisions in the pursuit of their field. It is also the confidence that their pursuits align with their highest values that allow them to take an active interest in their field, even on slower days. This interested, invested constancy is what Duckworth means by passion.

Perseverance

If the challenge to overcome in passion is a gradual loss of love for what fulfills your highest goals, the challenge to overcome in perseverance is the obstacles between you and fulfilling your highest goals. This follows passion rather than precedes it in Duckworth’s definition of grit because gritty people do not doggedly stick to every single goal, every time, period — they stick to lower-level goals given that they serve the fulfillment of the higher-level goals, and it is the higher-level goals about which they are unwavering. 

So they actively work to overcome the obstacles between them and greater mastery or success. This means reviewing (and admitting) their mistakes, asking for help, accepting criticism, evaluating past successes and failures and looking for patterns to repeat or avoid, and so on. Put differently, perseverance is a humble, driven regard of yourself and your mistakes. Gritty people inherently recognize that they are prone to errors, but they are unafraid to examine them, acknowledging imperfection both with the product and the agent (themselves). In other words, gritty people take responsibility for the gap between where they are and where they should be, and then they examine it as closely as possible to construct the best bridge across that gap. 

So if we put that together, grit is a humble, driven pursuit of an intense, invested interest. It acknowledges the gap between expectation and reality, and it wants to bridge that gap because doing so aligns with the things the person values most. 

The next section of the book is something Duckworth calls Growing Grit from the Inside Out, and she outlines four concepts that build grit. Technically, I don’t disagree with her — you do have to have all of the four to be gritty — but it sounds too much like a step-by-step process that way. This section might be more properly explained as a conceptual analysis of how grit is formed, rather than steps you can follow to actually build grit. 

The development of grit

The four components Duckworth outlines are taking an interest, practicing that interest, having a purpose for that interest, and maintaining hope. Let’s go over these briefly:

Taking an interest: this seems fairly obvious — it is hard to be perseverance in a long-term passion if you don’t have an interest to develop a passion from. Duckworth notes that taking an interest occurs over a very long period of experimentation, and that childhood and adolescence, as well as young adulthood, is a season for experimenting with different kinds of subjects and interests. I appreciated this comment because of the pressure young people often feel to identify their Definite Future Career by the time they graduate high school and head off to college — adolescents at that time are still experimenting with different fields and learning about themselves, and their interests may grow or fade. This doesn’t release them from the virtue of sticking out challenges or taking an interest in worthwhile subjects., but it does relieve them of some of the pressure to know, right out of the factory, exactly what it is they want. 

Practicing that interest: this goes hand-in-hand with taking an active interest in something because both require concerted time and effort. Duckworth devotes a large portion of this section to analyzing how gritty people practice and ultimately describes it as deliberate practice. Her data and books like Make It Stick by Peter Brown do the concept more justice than I can in a brief paragraph, but deliberate practice is essentially the targeted form of perseverance — actively seeking out holes and ways to improve them, and then taking the responsibility for their improvement. Deliberate practice is taxing and must be punctuated by rest, because it is constantly forcing the brain to adapt.

Having a purpose for that interest: Duckworth argues that interest, if it is not contextualized within an others-oriented purpose, is impossible to sustain for a lifetime. In other words, interest can’t become a passion sans an altruistic purpose. Obviously, there is pleasure involved in the pursuit of interest for gritty and non-gritty people alike (and she goes into this on page 147). But she argues that gritty people are dramatically more altruistic than non-gritty people, and not in the doormat way, but in a way that strives to improve the lives of others through their gifts. Her reasons for this are less philosophical than they are sociological — she uses a lot of historical data and test data to explain this in chapter eight. Her conclusion after the data examination, though, is that passion is incomplete without purpose, and purpose isn’t whole until it wants to serve others and not just the self. Three recommendations from researchers on purpose conclude her chapter — recommendations on how to identify the others-oriented purpose in your interest:

Reflect on how the work you’re already doing can make a positive contribution to society — David Yeager Think about how, in small but meaningful ways, you can change your current work to enhance its connection to your core values — Amy Wrzesniewski Find inspiration in a purposeful role model —Bill Damon

That gritty people are more altruistic and have more altruistic views of their interests makes intuitive sense — it’s typically more motivating for us to do something if we know other people will be genuinely benefited by it. If you make cakes because it interests you, or you make cakes because it interests you and other people love eating them and experience happiness from them, probably the latter is going to be more motivating. Your interest has become a passion because it has been tempered by a value beyond your own feelings of interest.

Maintaining hope: hope anchors each of the components of development above, but it is often most important once the passion you have to persevere in is solidified. Hope is what believes that improvement — the goal of perseverance — is possible, and further, that good things will come if improvement does. It sources the agency and responsibility that gritty people exhibit, because hope is confident that the reward post-struggle will be worth the cost. persevering to something you believe is better necessarily requires hope.

Conclusion

I liked how Duckworth broke down the components of grit into an understandable definition. While I didn’t go into it much in this article, she describes each component of grit in the context of psychological data she’s gathered over the years, so the book is certainly worth the read if you have the time. It did make me do a lot of rethinking how gritty I actually was, or, I guess, how passionate and perseverant I am. Because of how often overcoming failures came up in the book, I’ll have several other review of books on the same in order — like Rejection Proof by Jia Jiang and Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn by John Maxwell. As always, if you have other thoughts on the book (or recommendations for similar or complementary books), leave a comment below or reach out through the Contact page — I’d love to hear from you.

[hope-grace-serenity]

In Defense of the Deputy: Morals and Ethics in Far Cry 5

The narratives of recent Far Cry installments have been framed in a way that make the player question whether or not they’re truly playing as the “good guy.” In Far Cry 3, Jason slowly embraces the violent lifestyle on Rook Island, gradually finding the killing to be a fun power trip instead of the horrifying reality that it is. In Far Cry 4, Ajay topples a ruthless dictator, only to replace him with a revolutionary that is either a religious extremist or a person who has children kidnapped in order to make them into soldiers/slaves. In Far Cry 5, the Deputy goes up against a professed prophet in an attempt to subdue him and his cult, only to find in the end that the prophet was right about the end of the world. It is logical to think that if the Deputy would have just left the cult well enough alone, then that would have been the right choice, as it would have avoided the war between Eden’s Gate and the rest of Hope County, as possibly the Collapse itself. However, there is a different way to view it.

The purpose of this post is to convey that Joseph being accurate regarding the Collapse does not necessarily mean that avoiding confrontation with Eden’s Gate or joining them would have been the “right” thing to do. In fact, it will suggest the opposite: that the Deputy has a moral and ethical obligation to fight *against* Eden’s Gate and that the actions of the cult are firmly wrong despite the Collapse happening. While we as players can certainly feel empathy for the Seeds, their actions within the game make them the clear villains in this scenario, in my opinion. The Deputy deserves no blame for attempting to subdue the cult, and I will explain why by focusing on both in-universe rationale and looking at the narrative from a broader perspective.

The Warrant

First, we need to examine the idea of morality and ethics. Morality refers to a person’s principles of right and wrong--this is something that can be influenced by a person’s culture, religion, family, experiences, etc. Ethics refers to rules of conduct given by some kind of external source. In Far Cry 5, the protagonist is a law enforcement official with an ethical obligation to uphold the law and confront those who break it. Furthermore, from the perspective of a 21st century American--which we can assume the Deputy is, based on the setting of the game--Eden’s Gate commits several acts that cause harm and remove the personal agency of others, which provides the Deputy with a moral motivation for stopping them, as opposed to solely an ethical one.

An arrest warrant is made for Joseph Seed due to suspicion of kidnapping with an intent to harm. The Deputy choosing not to go through with the arrest would be bad from both a moral and ethical perspective. “Kidnapping with an intent to harm” is a serious charge, and can be a matter of life or death for the victim. Imagine if you were the parent or sibling of the kidnapping victim, and you found out that the law enforcement officials chose not to go through with the arrest of the suspect because they were afraid of rocking the boat. If that information was made public, the law enforcement officials would be rightly criticized for not doing their jobs, and for prioritizing their own desire for convenience over bringing justice to the victim. By arresting Joseph Seed, the Deputy made the moral and ethical decision.

As we see from the main game, the “suspicions” listed in the arrest warrant are later proven to be correct. Alex is killed, and his body is mutilated and put on public display as a warning. Hannah is tortured physically and psychologically, and is also killed due to her forced participation in Jacob’s trials. Joseph and several members of Eden’s Gate knew that they kidnapped the film crew. They knew in advance that Law Enforcement was coming. So, how do they decide to handle this? In a way befitting for characters who are meant to be viewed as villains.

Before the Reaping

Before we get into what the Deputy actually sees in-game, one thing needs to be made clear: Eden’s Gate always had an underlying darkness surrounding them. Regardless of what they looked like on the surface, they were never some peaceful hippie commune that was minding its own business before the Deputy came along. They’ve been committing crimes and getting away with them for years. They didn’t suddenly snap once the Deputy arrived--the Deputy’s arrival simply peeled back and revealed what was already there.

We know from the “Grieving Note” that Angels have been with Eden’s Gate for several years, longer than the current Faith has been with the group. Angels are humans who are exposed to an extreme amount of the Bliss drug, which causes them to lose their capacity for human thought and essentially act as a literal mindless follower. Their loss of identity and individuality is furthered by Eden’s Gate shaving the heads of the Angels and surgically removing their ability to speak. They act as slave labor--described as "beasts of burden"--and are fed dog food and garbage. The idea of becoming an angel is used as a threat to fellow cultists in the “Cult Note” in the King’s Hot Springs Hotel. The fact that Eden's Gate creates and condones the existence of these Angels is truly disturbing from a moral perspective, due to the inherent exploitation and dehumanization. When Angels die, their bodies are tossed in a pit of “boiling muck” in Horned Serpent Cave to disintegrate.

Angels aren’t the only ones thrown in the pit to disintegrate: Joseph threw the body of Lana, a previous Faith, in there as well, despite being told by him that she was “special.” There is a reason the writers chose to highlight that the bodies were disposed of in here, as opposed to the cult simply burying them. Bodies are disintegrated if you want to hide evidence, and by tossing the bodies in a location with properties dangerous enough to require a bio-hazard sign, any crimes are easily covered up. We don’t find the bodies of Selena or the other previous Faiths who were "used up and thrown away" by Joseph, but considering there are hints that point to foul play (disintegration of Lana’s body, Megan leaving out of fear of what Joseph could do after seeing that there was a new Faith, the way the position itself is dehumanized, the fact that Joseph has a designated corpse disposal spot in the first place, etc.) and absolutely zero evidence towards any kind of alternate fate for the previous Faiths, it’s easy to put two and two together and conclude that the previous Faiths met a grisly fate that was covered up as well.

Eden’s Gate was also involved in animal abuse through the creation of Judges, which were unleashed after the reaping. These animals were kidnapped and forcibly exposed to an obscene amount of the Bliss drug, which purposely causes them to act like rabid killers in the service of Eden’s Gate. According to NPCs, they were trained to hunt humans.

Let’s also not forget that Joseph personally gorged a guy’s eyes out for being a traitor. If the developers didn’t want us to view Joseph as someone who was capable of doing that, then they would have removed it from the introductory video, but they didn’t. Also, the fact that Eden’s Gate has been planning for the Reaping for a while now shows that this group had the intent to launch a large-scale attack from before the Deputy even arrived at the compound.

And last but certainly not least, YEARS before the events of FC5, Jacob sent the Cook to kidnap Jess’s family. The Cook starved the family for days before torturing the parents and children by playing sick mind games and feeding the parents' flesh to their children. After all their toes were cut off, the parents were set on fire in front of their kids. The fact that this happened years ago, and this Cook is still with the group, is quite telling and reveals a lot about the morality and priorities of Eden’s Gate. If they wanted to get rid of him, they would have.

So as we can see, Eden’s Gate has no moral high ground to stand on at the start of the game. Not only is Joseph guilty of the crime he is accused of, but he and his organization are guilty of so much more, and have been for years. These actions committed by Eden’s Gate violate numerous laws and are morally wrong, as they bring severe harm to others and/or forcibly remove another’s personal agency for the convenience of the cult. The Deputy uncovers all of this throughout the course of the game.

During the Reaping

Knowledge of Eden’s Gate’s past crimes would be reason enough to take down this cult, but the Deputy also sees the current horrors firsthand. During the Reaping, cultists kidnap, torture, mutilate, and murder numerous unwilling participants. They steal supplies and were willing to kidnap a beloved pet dog in order to perform experiments on him and turn the poor dog into a savage killer, after killing his owners. Defaced corpses are decorated and strung up as warnings. Some citizens of Hope County are fed to Judges, while others are turned into Angels or are forced to leap off a giant statue. If someone doesn’t convert to the religion of Eden’s Gate, then they are either tortured or drugged until they give in, or murdered.

The Deputy has zero incentive to walk away from this conflict. Why would they? As a deputy of Hope County, they have a moral and ethical obligation to protect the county’s citizens, and those citizens are under attack by Eden’s Gate. Eden’s Gate are the aggressors in this scenario. *They* are the ones who are kidnapping, murdering, torturing, and brainwashing the Hope County citizens. As far as the Deputy is aware at the beginning of the game, they are the only remaining police officer and only person in a position of authority to fight against the cult. It is their responsibility to fight against the people causing grievous harm to the county.

Throughout the game, the Deputy’s personal encounters with the heralds further reinforce the idea that Eden’s Gate is dangerous and beyond reason. While confessions can and should be voluntary, John does not approach it in that way. John kidnaps, terrorizes, and tortures the hardened Joey Hudson to the point of tears, and brings the Deputy to his torture dungeon where he once pried confessions under duress from prior individuals of the county. He kidnapped the Deputy in order to forcibly baptize them to the point where they might have drowned without Joseph’s interference, and captures them in order to make them confess, using the presence of Hudson as leverage (Hudson’s misery was also used as incentive on the video to draw the Deputy to the Holland region). He lures the Deputy to the church in the same way (by kidnapping their friends) and then permanently modifies their body against their will. Despite his proclaimed desire to have the Deputy atone, John also expresses desire to see the Deputy dead on occasion, such as after they destroy his sign.

While it might be easier for the player to sympathize with John due to his backstory and dynamic with Joseph, from the Deputy’s in-universe perspective, his instability represents a very real, tangible threat not only to them, but to the people of Hope County as a whole. At every turn, John has either imposed his will onto the Deputy by removing opportunities for agency and/or harming others. The Deputy owes John nothing. Any "choice" he gives of saying "Yes" is undermined by the massive amount of strings attached. It is difficult to envision a reason why the Deputy would decide to give into John’s philosophy, aside from faking it in order to protect their allies. This is a failing on John's part, not the Deputy.

Like John, Faith also expresses a desire for the Deputy to give in to Eden's Gate. But unlike John, she initially appears to the Deputy in a more pacifistic, less confrontational way. Despite this, the Deputy is still able to see her darker side due to her views on the Angels and fate of the unfortunate souls who walk the path whipping themselves and take a literal leap off of the statue of Joseph. Furthermore, she overrides the Deputy’s agency through the use of Bliss, which drastically warps one’s perception of reality. The Bliss that she now controls makes the horrific creation of Angels possible, and this Bliss is also used during baptisms, which muddles the issue of personal agency and consent to John’s process in addition to her own conversion process. The dangers of the Bliss and how it affects one’s thought process become highlighted in the Henbane region, and letters, voicemails, and NPC chatter show that Faith is not one to be trifled with. This comes to a head when Faith brainwashes the Sheriff and manipulates the Marshall into killing Virgil before killing himself. While it’s easy to have sympathy for Faith and her experiences, from the Deputy’s perspective, Faith is still a potential danger, which is why they step back when she leaned toward them during her death scene.

Jacob too removes the Deputy’s personal agency by literally brainwashing them and turning them into a tool that he can command, which eventually results in the Deputy being forced to kill a friend. He forced captives into competing against each other in life or death trials. He keeps the Deputy in a cage with a dead body and feeds them “mystery meat” after seven days of starving them while telling them a story about how he cannibalized his friend. The Judges are his brainchild that he sends to attack and kill others. Like John, Jacob also kidnapped and tortured a fellow police officer, to the point where they act like a slave to Jacob’s whims. Jacob has not done anything other than convincing the Deputy that he is a threat.

It is not the Deputy's job to fix the Seeds' personal issues--it's their job to protect Hope County. Throughout their journey, the Deputy sees various atrocities being committed, both to strangers and to themselves and the people they care about. There is zero reason for the Deputy to genuinely give in to the Seeds and join Eden's Gate, considering the horrible way they were treated and how they saw others being treated.

Joseph and the Voice

The Deputy’s presence did not *force* Eden’s Gate to start the Reaping. *Joseph* was the one to initiate it as a reaction to the Deputy’s presence, and all of Eden’s Gate followed him lockstep. When given the opportunity to finally confront and arrest the man responsible or walk away, it almost feels laughable that it’s even a choice at this point.

As leader of Eden’s Gate, Joseph oversees all parts of the Project. The buck stops with him. If he had any issues with Faith’s Angels, or Jacob’s trials, or John’s torture, he could have and would have said something--such as when he intervenes during the baptism--but he doesn’t. Because it furthers the goal of the Project, he doesn’t see any issue with these actions and feels they are justified.

Joseph’s vision of the Collapse coming true doesn’t mean that his actions throughout the game have greater inherent morality than the Deputy. It just means that he’s right about the Collapse. Regarding the Reaping, I do not believe that Joseph was motivated by a sense of cruelty, but that doesn’t change how many of the actions he participated in and oversaw *were* cruel. In real life, we see various examples of some people (not just in religious institutions, but in positions of authority in general) who commit harmful acts for the sake of a perceived “greater good.” And many of those people genuinely believe in what they are doing, believe they are in the right. But that doesn’t mean they actually are.

Which brings us to the elephant in the room: the Voice. If the Voice of God supports Joseph, then surely the deputy is automatically the “bad guy” for opposing him, right?

Wrong.

First, we have to be willing to admit that we know next to nothing about the Voice. The only things we know about it is what is conveyed to us by Joseph. We do not know the exact wording of what the Voice says, the level of detail it gives him regarding expectations (if any), or even what it is. Is it the voice of God? Satan? A real angel? Some kind of eldritch entity from another dimension? How accurate is Joseph's reiteration or interpretation? Sometimes it seems to directly tell Joseph things (hence the title, “the Voice”), other times it shows him visions. Clearly, there is some kind of supernatural component, as it allows Joseph to see the future, but since we don’t know much about it specifically, we can’t automatically assume or attribute inherent benevolence or morality to it.

Second, it’s entirely possible for a genuine prophet of God (assuming the Voice does indeed belong to a benevolent creator), or those who have/had God’s favor, to engage in morally questionable behavior, both in the eyes of God and/or in the eyes of 21st century readers. While the Project at Eden’s Gate is its own distinct religion, it takes most of its cues from Christianity, both in terms of practices and beliefs. In the Bible, King David had a man murdered so he could sleep with that man’s wife. Jonah wanted the entire population of a city to be killed off instead of having them repent. Jacob (the Biblical figure) deceives his father into giving him a birthright that belonged to his brother, and shows blatant favoritism to one son which ends up causing a lot of internal strife within the family. It’s fully within the realm of possibility that Joseph’s actions are not meant to be endorsed, either by the Voice itself or by the narrative in a broader sense.

In New Dawn, Joseph alludes to his own personal failings by saying, “My soul has become a cancer. I am a monster. I only spread suffering and death in the name of God.” The death of his son and the destruction of New Eden act as a moment of awakening for Joseph, as he finally realizes the harsh reality of his actions and how they affect others. He then expresses a desire for death and says, “There is only the justice of God’s hand.” The implication of “justice” being done indicates that the Voice (“God”) would not be happy with some of the actions that Joseph did. So while Joseph’s actions in FC5 were done with the intent of serving the Voice, his execution of these ideas was something that Joseph feels God would not like, as his actions spread death and suffering.

And thirdly, we have to remember that the Deputy and the player are viewing the idea of morality from the perspective of a 21st century human. Let’s say that, hypothetically, the Voice specifically instructed and condoned the erasure of free will/murders/kidnappings/etc. for whatever reason, and by enacting them, Joseph and Eden’s Gate were “just following orders.” Does this absolve Joseph and Eden's Gate of responsibility? No. Willing participation in the crimes committed, even if it wasn’t “their idea,” can still have legal consequences and can still be viewed as “bad” from a moral perspective because of the results of those actions.

The Collapse

It has been discussed elsewhere (on this site and in outside articles/discussions about the game) that the actions of the deputy correspond with the role of the Lamb in Revelations, and by breaking the seals, the Deputy’s actions supernaturally trigger the Collapse. This interpretation is fairly popular, and is one I personally support. However, I do not feel as though this interpretation lessens the morality of the Deputy's actions. Their decision to fight the Seeds is still the right one, regardless of whether or not their actions resulted in some kind of cosmic game of dominos.

First off, when the Deputy is attempting to take down the Seeds and protect the people of Hope County, they are not doing this with the intent of playing a role in a cosmic prophecy that will result in the death of millions. They’re looking at the situation from a human perspective, and acting accordingly and sensibly. The Seeds, on the other hand, were willingly harming innocents both before and during the Reaping.

Second, if there's a need to assign blame to a human for starting the Collapse (and I personally don't think there needs to be), it would be the Seeds, not the Deputy. The Sheriff and the deputies wouldn’t have arrived with the arrest warrant if the Seeds were not kidnapping and doing other illegal actions.

And thirdly, if one does attribute blame of the Collapse to the Deputy, then one also must attribute the birth of the new world to them as well. Following along with the idea that the events of FC5 are a fulfillment of Revelations, then the Collapse is ultimately viewed as a Good Thing within in the context of the Book of Revelations, even if the player might not personally share the sentiment. The Book of Revelations describes how the new world that is supposed to emerge from the ashes of the old is meant to be much better than the one before. And if we look at the world of New Dawn--and I’m going to copy and paste something I wrote previously here---Nature is allowed to flourish, people work together and support each other in a tight community, all the social ills mentioned in the Book of Joseph (and by the characters in-game) no longer exist. The only “snakes in the garden” would be the Highwaymen, and they are abolished by the Captain, who Joseph prophesizes to be some kind of Messiah-like figure. The final scene of New Dawn is one of hope, where the characters talk about building a better future. The way Joseph and Ethan’s storyline ends also connects to the whole idea of breaking away from the past and moving forward. If one believes that the Deputy is responsible for the Collapse, then this new world shown in New Dawn and the context of Revelations complicates the idea of viewing the Deputy's actions as being inherently bad.

Some might also argue that the Deputy has responsibility for not taking Joseph's warnings more seriously. Why though? Why should the Deputy attribute more credibility to Joseph's claims than, say, those of Marshall Applewhite or David Koresh? As players who know the ending, it’s easy for us to say that the Deputy should have listened to Joseph's warning about the Collapse, but there’s no in-universe rationale for the Deputy to do so. Issues of belief aside, Eden’s Gate’s actions alone are enough to paint an extremely negative picture of the group and would be enough to make any regular person not want to associate with them.

Under the framework of the Revelations prophecy being the intended interpretation of the game events though, I personally don't feel that any character "deserves" blame for the Collapse happening, not even the Seeds. I blame the Seeds for what they do to people within the game and before the events of FC5. And my perception of the Deputy is based on what we see in the game as well. But again, the Revelations prophecy idea is simply one way to view the game. Regardless of whether or not this interpretation is the correct one, the deputy still has the moral high ground in their fight against the Seeds.

Conclusion

Joseph being right about the Collapse does not mean that his (and by extension, Eden’s Gate’s) actions during FC5 were justified, and the Deputy should not be blamed for fighting against them. Just as the Deputy made a choice to arrest Joseph, Joseph made the choice to react in the worst way possible with the Reaping. Eden’s Gate were the aggressors who were kidnapping, torturing, and murdering people throughout the county. The Deputy fights against Eden’s Gate as a direct result of *Eden's Gate's* actions. The Deputy deserves no blame or guilt for killing the Seeds and destroying their bases of operations, as they reacted in a logical way based on the quality of information they had at the time.

In New Dawn, the Deputy expresses an extreme amount of guilt, which transforms them into the Judge. This guilt is misplaced and should be attributed to the other resident of the bunker, which is something Joseph himself even alludes to during his final speech in New Dawn when he criticizes his own actions. If Eden’s Gate did not start attacking the people of Hope County, the bunkers would still be standing, and the Seeds and many other cultists would still be alive. But they did, so they’re not.

While I adore all four of the Seeds as characters and have varying degrees of sympathy for them, they are firmly villains within the context of the story due to their actions. The deputy is not a bad guy for trying to stop them. The fact the Seeds sided with a guy who kidnapped and starved a family, then fed the parents' flesh to their children while playing “this little piggy” with the parents’ toes, and then murdered said parents in front of their children should speak for itself.

TL;DR: The deputy’s decision to confront Joseph instead of walking away was the right one.

[willgrahymn]

Two Love

I’m not gonna lie, this is probably some of the gayest shit I’ve ever written.

Summary: In the silence of the night, it feels like there's nothing but them. Loving oneself is not an easy task, and loving another takes work. If we can't love ourselves now though, we can at least love each other. Maybe then we will realize our own worth. Virgil and Roman know this well.

Word count: 2019

Tags: romantic prinxiety, (domestic) fluff, light angst, human au, living together, non-sexual intimacy, cuddling, communication, and marriage proposal ✨

As always, I’ll reblog with a link to this on ao3 :]!

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“I wish you knew how lovable you are,” Virgil whispered into the silence.

Roman didn’t respond, biting his lower lip and not once opening his eyes. Virgil frowned, lightly tracing the tattoos on the other man’s chest, stopping to place his palm against the beating of his heart.

The room was quiet besides the sound of the heat coming through the vents and the occasional car passing by outside. Virgil sighed, laying his head against his love. He was warm, too, and he wished he never had to get out of bed again. It wasn’t like the way he wished during a depressive episode though. This was different; it was cozier, and more like home. He closed his eyes as he felt a hand begin to play with the hair at the base of his neck, and made a mental note to trim it later.

“I love you,” he mumbled, his lips ghosting against his boyfriend’s skin. He thought watching the rise and fall of his stomach, breathing in and out, was what made him want to say it.

“I know you do,” Roman responded, and Virgil could hear the tired smile in his voice, “I love you too. You’re perfect.”

“I’m anything but.”

“Then you’re perfect for me.”

Virgil decided he was happy to settle for that.

Roman continued to play with the dark strands before kissing the long magenta bangs that normally covered his boyfriend’s eyes. And he smiled because his hair smelled like the same raspberry-scented shampoo that he washed his hair with not long ago. If there was anything Roman believed he could do well, it was making his boyfriend feel cared for. He deserved it, and the way Virgil always leaned into his touch like a cat receiving ear scratches whenever he rubbed the shampoo into his scalp was something he simply couldn’t pass up when the opportunity arose.

He was beautiful now in Roman’s arms, and he would be beautiful when he woke up in the morning with his hair messed up going every which way. He would be beautiful when black makeup stained his face in tear tracks and he asked Roman if they could go home after a failed night out. There would not be a time when he was not beautiful, because he never gave Roman a reason to see him as anything less than that. He was a work of art. Frayed at the edges, sure, but he remained invaluable nonetheless.

Blinking slowly, Roman watched as his love shifted to meet his gaze. Dark eyes shining in the moonlight that seeped in through their window blinds. They were as gorgeous as the rest of him, he thought.

“What is it, my Night Light?”

“Oh, nothing,” he smirked, “I was just admiring.”

Roman rolled his eyes, a mix of fondness and instinctual doubt settling in his gut. “You see me every day, you’ll tire of me eventually.” He tried.

“We already went through the phase of being sick of each other when we first met, you’re not getting rid of me now.” Virgil teased, and before Roman could think of something else to say to distract from his statement, he started to speak again softer this time. “I meant what I said earlier, about how you’re so much more lovable than you know. I care about you.”

Virgil took a deep breath. He didn’t consider himself good at this sort of thing, but the weight of Roman’s fingers lacing between his own and pulling him closer was reassurance enough.

“I love you, Roman, and I… I just hope that one day, you’ll fall in love with yourself in the same way I did. You deserve to feel like you’re worth it.”

Roman stared at him, his mouth barely open as he replayed the words in his head. He knew Virgil, knew that he was always more on the pessimistic side, and didn’t try to get his hopes up about things to come. Still, he hoped for him. A hand rested against his cheek, thumb brushing lightly against his lips. Virgil smiled, and his heart felt full.

“Thank you,” he said. “I hope that one day you’ll wake up and face yourself in the mirror, and be able to value yourself as much as I do. It’s only fair.”

He took his partner’s hand, kissing his palm. Even in the darkness of their room, he could still see Virgil’s eyes go wide before hiding his face against his chest. It was cute, but he could tease him about that later. For now, though, he just felt lucky that he was allowed to see him like this. No walls up, and no fake dark persona to make sure others would leave him alone. He was just honest, authentic Virgil, and that was all that Roman wanted.

“I could spend a thousand lifetimes with you and it still wouldn’t be enough.” He admitted. “I would relive all the bad days where we didn’t get along, all the bad days where we doubted ourselves, as long as I knew it would bring me back here just like this with you.”

Virgil stared at him, curious and adoring. “You’re a madman.”

“Nothing compared to my brother,” Roman laughed, “but I guess you might be right. If I didn’t think straight before I certainly don’t now.”

Virgil rolled his eyes, a fond smile on his lips. He pulled himself up, face to face with the hopelessly romantic man he’d fallen in love with, dark eyes staring through thick lashes.

With some hesitance, Roman asked. “Have you ever thought about wanting to get married someday? It’s okay if not, I know right now might not be the perfect time to bring it up, but… it came to mind, I guess.”

He held his breath as Virgil considered. He didn’t want to be pushy. All he knew was that if asked, he would accept that commitment, and not dream of another. Because Virgil wasn’t like any of the partners he had known before. He was gentle and rough, sweet and sour, and Roman loved his contradictions. He loved to be loved in a way he could understand.

“Maybe not right now,” Virgil finally replied, “but I’d be happy with that. With you.”

Roman nodded, kissing him on the nose and appreciating the way Virgil’s eyes crinkled when he did.

“That’s okay,” he smiled, and it was the truth. “I just need you to know that if you’re ever ready for that, I’ll be here. I’d love to call you my husband if you’d let me. One of us can surprise the other with a proposal someday, but before that, I want us both to be ready.”

Virgil blinked, slow like a cat. Maybe these kinds of conversations were better left until morning.

“Thank you. I’d uh, I’d like that though, eventually.”

Smiling, Roman closed his eyes. He always dreamed of grand fairytale weddings and proposals, but this, this was good too. Fitting for them. It wasn’t Disney, but they made it work.

Pulling the blanket further over them, Virgil kissed his prince’s cheek only to be pulled into a proper one right after. Soft and slow, Virgil felt Roman’s lips quirk as his hand grazed the rose tattooed at his hip.

Then, he asked. “Of all the people you could choose to love, why me?”

“I think you’re the only one who really gets me,” Roman said, nuzzling into his lover’s shoulder and breathing in the faint scent of lavender. “You smell good.”

Virgil laughed silently, and Roman felt his body shake against him. He could feel that same butterfly-like sensation in his stomach from when he first started thinking of him as more than a friend.

“I think you’re the only person who can understand me though… not in an edgy teenager way, but like with my issues. People see me, but not in the way you do. You’re the one who drove halfway across town to drag my sorry ass out of bed after my ex dumped me and helped me realize it was a good thing. You helped me get out of my comfort zone and experiment with makeup too. I guess in a way, you make me better. And if you can love me with all the flaws that I have, then I can love yours too.”

“Oh,” he whispered, “I didn’t know that.”

“Well, you deserve to. You may be as dark and gloomy as a live-action Batman movie, but you still make my world a little brighter.”

“You’re a dork.”

Roman gasped, pulling back and holding his hand to his chest as if he had just touched a hot stove. “You’re so mean!”

Virgil shrugged, and Roman could practically hear the unspoken ‘it’s what I do best.’ It seemed that in all the years he had known him, he figured out how to decipher the mystery of a man hidden under all that black and purple emo attire.

It was 12:27 AM, at least that’s what the clock sitting on their bedside table told them. Virgil was used to being up late, insomnia and all, but since they started living together Roman insisted he come to bed at the same time every night. He appreciated it though. He liked getting ready for bed together and the weight of Roman falling asleep against him. He didn’t want to admit it, but it helped.

The room was nearly silent, the heat turned off long ago. The quiet sounds of rustling pillows and blankets were the only thing to be heard. Warm breaths lingered on Roman’s skin making his hair rise as soft lips met his jaw. He wondered if Virgil remembered watching him scrub violet lipstick off his face in the theater's dressing room while he giggled like a kid at a carnival. If he asked, Virgil would have told him there was a reason he preferred darker shades.

“Do you think we’ll have kids someday?”

“Don’t push it, Princey. You haven’t even decided if you want to adopt a cat or a dog yet.”

“Still! Could you imagine us as dads? We could have Disney movie nights. We already do that, I know, but we could do it with our kid. I’m perfectly fine with just being pet parents, but could you imagine?”

“I can, actually, and now I’m going to be worrying about our non-existent child and their not yet existing future until I fall asleep.”

Roman glared at him before rolling onto his side. All too familiar with the silly things he did, Virgil waited in anticipation and was pleasantly surprised when Roman finally lunged back over, attacking him with a kiss and laughing against his lips.

“You said not yet existing,” he grinned, “which implies that there will be one eventually.”

Virgil sighed, running his fingers through his partner’s hair. “You’re not getting me to agree to adopt a child in the middle of the night, Ro.”

Humming, Roman nodded an ‘okay’ and let the subject go for now. Virgil didn’t even think before he spoke again.

“I want a future with you, Roman, you know that.”

The softness in his eyes was one Virgil would do anything to protect, and he smiled as Roman snuggled into his chest. He loved him, and with the sound of his heart beating in his ears he was sure that he would do anything it took to keep him safe.

“Get some rest, Sleepy Beauty,” he whispered. “You deserve it.”

In the morning, they would both wake up with their legs intertwined, knowing that they could stay in bed all morning because neither had work that day. Roman would get up first, and Virgil would admire him as he stretched. When Virgil finally did pull himself out of bed and found his future-husband in the kitchen making french toast, he would slump against his back and leave a kiss between his shoulders.

And maybe life was never going to be easy, but that could be okay. Step by step, stroke by stroke, they’d make it through as each other’s sword and shield.

[lov3nerdstuff]

Voluptas Noctis Aeternae {Part 7.34}

*Severus Snape x OC*

Summary: It is the year 1983 when the ordinary life of Robin Mitchell takes a drastic turn: she is accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Despite the struggles of being a muggle-born in Slytherin, she soon discovers her passion for Potions, and even manages the impossible: gaining the favor of Severus Snape. Throughout the years, Robin finds that the not quite so ordinary Potions Professor goes from being a brooding stranger to being more than she had ever deemed possible. An ally, a mentor, a friend... and eventually, the person she loves the most. Through adventure, prophecies and the little struggles of daily life in a castle full of mysteries, Robin chooses a path for herself, an unlikely friendship blossoms into something more, and two people abandoned by the world can finally find a home.

General warnings: professor x student, blood, violence, trauma, neglectful families, bullying, cursing

Words: 3.3k

Read Part 1.1 here! All Parts can be found on the Masterlist!

______________________________

As was to be expected, they didn't come across anyone on their way back down to the ground level, where they parted ways to see matters through more quickly now. Snape went ahead to get Robin's belongings from the office and then proceeded to his rooms already, perhaps starting on the parchments if there was time. Robin meanwhile went into the opposite direction for now, to collect the girls from the astronomy tower and return them to their dorm. They'd been up in the cold long enough at this point, and she also needed them to confirm her alibi that wasn't quite what they thought tomorrow morning. Everything else would look suspicious.

"You've got twenty seconds before I'm up there, so better hide what you don't want me to see." She called up the stairs in advance to ascending them, after she'd locked the door to the tower behind herself, just to give the girls a fair warning and evade the possibility of having to scold them. Then she made her quick way up the tower and soon was met by four innocently smiling faces. Four, because obviously Jorien had somehow managed to find her way to this little gathering as well once she'd been done with her work.

Surprised, Robin quirked an eyebrow at the girl in question. "How did you get up here?"

"I told McGonagall that you'd sent us all up here to do something important for you, and she let me know that the door would be locked and how to open it." Jorien shrugged easily, but with a bright smile up at Robin. "Now you're not the only one anymore who knows how to open classrooms."

"Congratulations." Robin huffed in irony, and obvious amusement over the girl's excitement. Then again… when she'd first learned the spell herself, she had been quite excited as well. It didn't matter now, she had an alibi to construct. "Either way, I'm back now, so you won't have to hold watch anymore. Thank you though, all of you, for helping me."

"You're most welcome. It was our pleasure, and I'm sure the boys will freak out when they hear about all this tomorrow!" Cas grinned in an instant, but still none of the girls made any move to get up.

"C'mon then, we should all be heading back down into the dungeons. It's nearing one o'clock if I'm not mistaken, and I don't want to be responsible for any casualties tonight." Robin added on after a moment of having all four girls grinning at her with too much mischief on their faces.

"Actually…" Cas started innocently, and Robin already knew this wasn't going to end well for her. "We were hoping that you'd play a round of truth or dare with us. We were just in the middle of that when you came back, and it's a Saturday after all. Please? Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

"Guys…" Robin sighed in nigh defeat when all four girls looked up at her with desperately hopeful expressions. "Another time, okay? I really don't have the energy nor the mindset for that right now."

"Oh, but we've been waiting for you to come back and sit with us all night!" Cas whined, making the best puppy dog eyes she was capable of. "You'll be gone soon and then we can't have any girl nights at all anymore, not with you at least, and you've never even had a real one! Pleaseeee…"

"Cas…"

"Please Robin, it's not even that late… And you're done with your challenge now, aren't you? Surely you have ten minutes to play a game with us before you go on to do whatever important thing you have going on this time." Melissa picked right up where Cas had stopped, much to Robin's dismay.

"We don't want to hold you up long, really…" Lisa added more carefully. "But we've all really been hoping that you would play a round with us at least."

"We have so little time left with you still here at school." Cas took over the argument again, still looking at Robin almost reproachfully. "You deserve some fun memories! We all do, together…"

When nobody else made an attempt to add any more words of protest, Robin closed her eyes for a second to fight the urge to cry out in frustration. Gods, didn't they understand that she had more important things to do than to play a stupid little game?! Of course they didn't… how could they after all? All they knew was that she was their friend, and that she spent ridiculously little time with them nonetheless. They really did deserve better than yet another adult in their lives who kept on choosing other, more important things over them. Robin had seen enough of that behaviour in her own parents to know how much it could hurt. Perhaps that's why she couldn't make herself say no now.

"Fine." She said instead, more tersely than intended, but it would have to do. "Ten minutes will be alright." With that she dropped down on the blanket they had spread on the ground, and elegantly crossed her legs underneath her while keeping her eyes on the girls around her.

"Alright, if we just have ten minutes then we will have to change the rules a little." Cas was quick to clap her hands with a gleeful smile. "The four of us take turns asking Robin questions, and if you don't want to or can't answer one, then we all have to answer a question of yours in return. Would that be amenable?"

"I honestly don't care." Robin sighed, but her indifference passed by the girls unnoticed. "You have ten minutes, and in those I will comply with anything you make me do. After that however you will return to the dorms with me without protest."

"Agreed." Cas grinned, and Melissa and Lisa nodded eagerly in return. Only Jorien currently seemed to prefer spectating over participating, but Robin let her be, in the knowledge that she would oblige without protest either way.

"Go on then, ask me all you please." Robin said, keeping her back straight and her hands calmly clasped in her lap. "Not that you couldn't do that at any other point as well, but since you obviously prefer this game format, get started then."

For the first few minutes, the girls asked only questions Robin had no problems answering. She didn't deem her answers particularly interesting, but the girls seemed quite content with their game, so she kept on patiently obliging to their every inquiry. It wasn't terrible, but certainly holding her up longer than she had time for currently. Snape wouldn't be all too concerned by her delay, seeing as she'd already told him when they'd parted that the girls most likely wouldn't be brought back down into the dungeons without a discussion. The problem was rather that she currently couldn't focus on much but the sheets of parchment down in the dungeons that likely held the answers to her future.

"Next question!" Cas announced with mischievous grandeur, then turned to her right. "Melissa's turn, isn't it?"

The girl nodded, then thought for a second, and finally smiled broadly. Obviously the topics were about to change from easy to hard now. "Do you have a crush on someone?"

"No."

"Are you currently in a romantic relationship?" Cas asked, obviously based on her prior knowledge and the previous question, and Robin would have glared at her if she hadn't been too tired to.

"Yes." She simply said instead, keeping her facades neutral as ever. Cas, Melissa and Lisa seemed to be rather taken aback by the honest reply in an instant, while Jorien however merely gave Robin a very subtle smile. The girl definitely knew way more than she had told anyone, and Robin was honestly glad for that.

"What is one thing you love, and one thing you don't like about your boyfriend?" Lisa was next to ask, and her question took Robin a few seconds to think about, and even longer not to cringe over. Somehow, the term 'boyfriend' seemed terribly inappropriate to her ears.

"I love who he is. And I don't like that nobody actually knows who he is. In every sense of the statement." She finally replied, which made the three girls frown, but they didn't get to dwell on it.

"Have you ever committed a crime, and if yes, was it by muggle or wizarding standards of legality?" Jorien asked before anyone else could comment on Robin's previous answer.

"Yes." Robin didn't even need to think about the answer to that one. "And both." Again, jaws dropped and eyes went wide.

"What crimes did you commit?" It was Melissa's turn again, and she went straight on with Jorien's clever diversion. "If it's too many, name a muggle one and a magical one."

"A muggle one would be breaking into a gym on multiple occasions. A magical one would be messing with time."

"Have you ever stripped for anyone?" Of course it was Cas again who had to ask a question that was so vague and intimate it would've made Robin blush if it wasn't for her facades.

"Specify." She returned instead, in an attempt to thereby make things better somehow.

"Have you ever willingly undressed for another person who's not you?"

"Specify."

"Gods, Robin, what's so hard to understand about that?! Have you ever taken off your clothes so that another person could look at your body?"

"Yes. And you probably have as well, in the infirmary, at some point." Robin replied neutrally, and Cas only rolled her eyes but went with the vague answer nonetheless.

"What was your first kiss like?" Lisa was next, and that question wasn't even too bad, in Robin's opinion.

"Nerve-wracking. Intimidating. Unexpected." She couldn't help smiling at the memory at last, facades or not. "But also breathtaking, magical, perfect… everything I'd never dared dream about."

"Awww…" Both Cas and Melissa sighed, while Lisa smiled and Jorien smirked. Somehow it surprised Robin that neither Cas nor Jorien, who both certainly knew at this point who her first kiss had been, seemed to care about that fact in the slightest. Obviously there was still hope for bringing them into the same place at some distant point in the future.

"What's the most awkward situation you've ever had at home? With your family, I mean." Jorien's question was next, and while Robin knew that it was only an innocent attempt at changing the theme of conversation to safer territories again, the topic brought a lump to her throat nonetheless. She hadn't thought about her parents in a while now… but perhaps it was time to prove to herself that she was over it indeed.

"My parents invited strangers to live in my room while kicking me out of the house, and when I didn't leave immediately, their guests called me a useless greedy whore, to which my parents said absolutely nothing. During the last dinner before I left, they said that traveling alone with S...someone would result in people assuming I was dishonored, to which I merely replied that it was bold of them to assume that I had any honour left in the first place. That was rather awkward." She explained with a shrug, and unsurprisingly it was all four girls who stared at her incredulously now. Wasn't that something other families did too? No? Well damn.

"They… they just kicked you out of your home?" Lisa ironically was the first to ask in a quiet voice, and Robin immediately felt terrible for spoiling everyone's fun with her story. She'd just meant to answer honestly… Not such a good idea, as it seemed.

"Yeah, well, no, I mean yes they did, but then we all agreed that it would be best if I left and earned my own money." She explained, as if that would make anything better and not worse. Good job, idiot.

"How awful! How old were you?" Melissa went on, as both Cas and Jorien obviously knew better than to ask at this point.

"Seventeen. It all happened just at the beginning of last summer, actually." Again Robin answered truthfully, but more thought through this time. "It really wasn't as bad as it sounds now, that wasn't the point of the story. I just wanted to say the dinner was rather awkward from that point on."

"Right…" Jorien said slowly, then once more was the first to catch on to the desperately needed change of topic. "Next question! We've got one more minute of Robin's ten, so let's do one more round, yes?"

The other girls nodded, then Melissa once more made the start. "It's odd that nobody's asked you this before, but who is your boyfriend anyway?"

"I'm not going to answer that." Robin replied in a surprising ease, as just another fact that she didn't even have to think about. "If I'm not mistaken, that means I get to ask you guys a question now?"

"Yep."

"Alright…" Robin sighed, and the first idea she had was already a decent one, even if it ran at the risk of confusing the girls. "If you had to describe Professor Morgan with one word, which would it be?"

"Handsome." Melissa was the first to blurt out, cheeks tinting red to a degree that was visible even in the very limited light.

"Charming." Cas added next, without even a hint of such embarrassment.

"Nice." Lisa shrugged. "Not quite as much as some other people, but still… He's one of the nicest professors around the castle, to me at least."

"Enigmatic." Jorien finally concluded the round. "I have absolutely no idea who that man really is. I like him, but his ambiguity is odd sometimes."

All girls nodded in accordance with Jorien's statement, but also the previous three descriptors seemed to fall upon common agreement. Robin was both content and unsettled by this development. They really did like him, but except for the strange ambiguity, Robin's perception of Morgan was nothing like theirs. Interesting, from a somewhat objective kind of viewpoint.

"Great, so now I'm next!" Cas announced, and broke Robin out of her pondering. "What's the most intimate thing you've ever done with someone?"

Robin inwardly rolled her eyes, but kept up her neutrality on the outside no less. She might just give them her newfound truth, even if they wouldn't understand it. "Looking into someone's mind and having them look into mine at the same time. I think it's the most intimate you can get with someone, by allowing them to see absolutely everything of you, see exactly who you are without any facades or defenses. To be one for a while, exactly the way you are. And being loved just the same, if not all the more."

"That sounds amazing." Jorien commented quietly, with a serene smile that was nothing of what Robin had expected.

"That sounds boring as hell!" Cas rolled her eyes, which in return was exactly what Robin had expected. "Don't you have any spicy stories?"

"That's not what you asked for, and it's not your turn to ask anyway." Robin gave Cas a pointed look and a humoured smile. Sometimes the imprecision of Cas' language use was a saving grace. Thank the gods the girl hadn't asked for Robin's most erotic experience, because then Robin would've seriously considered jumping off the astronomy tower before she'd turn into a flustered mess. Not that there would've been much to share in that regard anyway, at least not in a way the girls would understand. As of the current moment, Robin's relationship hadn't been on that kind of… physical level just yet. Not because they didn't want to, gods no, but the time had never been quite right for it. Too many late nights working, too many early mornings and other problems, other people, other concerns. Besides, they weren't the kind of people to rush things, especially not when any form of intimacy was new to either of them in the first place.

"Exactly, it's my turn to ask now." Lisa's words came as the next saving grace to Robin's thoughts. Or… something of the sort, at least. "What's one thing that Cas and Jorien know about you but Melissa and I don't?"

"That I was stabbed last summer and almost died from severe blood loss."

"Wait, really?!"

"Yes." Robin replied with a sigh under her breath, and her two roommates nodded in accordance. This at least was a somewhat easy topic to talk about by now… it simply was a fact that wouldn't harm anyone anymore.

"My turn!" Jorien announced before anyone could make a big deal out of it, and once more Robin was more than glad for the girl's brilliant intuition. "What's one thing you wish will happen in your more distant future?"

That was a nice one, actually, and a small smile graced Robin's lips in return. Perhaps she could end this silly game on good terms with the girls after all. "I wish that some day in the future, when certain things are different, everyone I care about will be able to sit at the same table happily. That also includes you guys, just so you know."

"Aww, that's sweet." Cas smiled happily, and the others seemed equally content with the answer. Thank goodness.

"Now, I answered all of your questions and played along nicely." Robin said, then rose up to her feet even as her muscles protested in stiffness from the cold. Bloody hell, she should've cast a heating charm before coming here… At least, other than her, the girls were all wrapped up in their warmest clothes. "Let's get you back down to the dungeons."

"So, you aren't coming to the dorms with us?" Melissa asked, while the five of them made their way down the staircase at last.

"No. I still have something very important to see to, and that really can't wait any longer." Robin sighed as she locked the door to the tower back up behind them, then ushered the girls on into the direction of the dungeons. From now on it wasn't unlikely that Morgan might return, and she wanted to be safe in Snape's quarters before that happened.

They made their way down the stairs and through the corridors the same way they always did, with Cas entertaining the entire group and Robin following silently behind them. To her luck, Robin remembered to say goodnight earlier than she had to, to conceal just where she was heading, but she still let the girls walk a good bit ahead before she herself went on to take a detour to her own destination. Better safe than sorry, after all. Mere minutes later nonetheless, she finally arrived in front of the door to her safest haven, and let herself in like she did so often. What first greeted her on the inside after locking back up behind herself was a welcoming wave of the fire's warmth and golden glow, followed immediately by the sight of papers strewn everywhere across the floor. Most surprising however was the fact that Snape was sitting right among them, knees bent and arms propped up on them while he stared off into the flames with an empty expression. Robin froze in her spot immediately, and her eyes remained fixed on him while everything within her squeezed together with a start.

"I'm going to die, am I not?"

______________________________

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[imaginejamesandsirius]

Please could you do angsty James comes back to life and finds out Sirius has been in Azkaban and feels really guilty about it. Thanks!

((A/N: Warning for trauma both for Azkaban reasons and coming back to life reasons))

James loved Sirius. He loved him so much that sometimes it felt like he couldn't breathe. He couldn't find the words to explain how much he loved him, but that hadn't stopped him from trying-- a dozen poorly written poems that were probably long since lost to the elements had been proof of those attempts. 

Loving Sirius was always good. Being in love with him wasn't always good, though. It was hard. They couldn't have all the good things from a relationship without also having a few bad things. It meant figuring out how to comfort him because sometimes a really nice hug wasn't enough. There were nightmares and long nights, and a hundred different misunderstandings that James hadn't known to expect and had difficulty patching up-- and all of that had been before the war started. After the war, it was hard to be in love with him because he never knew which time would be the last time they got to see each other or which kiss would be the last one for the night. 

Sometimes Sirius would tell him that he loved him, and it didn't make him feel better. He loved Sirius so much, and the chance for losing him was too damn high. If Sirius died, James wouldn't know what to do with himself; he wouldn't know how to live. Worrying about it nearly made him sick some days. He'd never felt better than when he was with Sirius, and he'd also never felt worse. It was a trade-off, he supposed, and it was one he would choose to make each and every day because it was worth it. 

Then James died. 

And he came back. 

Loving Sirius was as easy and wonderful and amazing as it had always been. Being in love with him was harder than it used to be. It's not like Sirius had gotten more difficult or summat, but... Azkaban. Sirius had been in Azkaban. The nightmares weren't actually worse to deal with than the ones he'd used to have from Grimmauld Place, but these felt different to James. Grimmauld Place had been horrible for Sirius because of his parents; he'd only been in Azkaban because of James. Sirius had gotten locked up there because of him. It was his fault that that had happened. Sirius tried to say that it had nothing to do with him, but if James had just carried his bloody wand, he would've been able to apparate away in time, and they all would've survived it. It was his fault that Sirius had been in Azkaban for twelve years, and he was horribly aware of that fact. 

It was his fault. 

*

James's eyes were stuck on the pan, watching the eggs cook. It looked like he was very interested in seeing the egg whites cook through at the edges, but his mind was a million miles away. Sirius had a dozen new scars interspersed with tattoos James had never seen before. He'd asked Sirius about it last night, fingers trailing along his ribs. He'd thought that it would make for a good story, but Sirius had gotten all sad and mumbled that he'd gotten the scar on his collarbone from another dog after he broke out of Azkaban-- that's how he'd phrased it: 'another dog', not 'a dog'. 

"Dad?" Harry asked, his voice coming from somewhere near the doorway. 

James pulled on an automatic smile and turned to face him. "Hey sprog." Sprog that was like six years younger than him. Seven, at most. "You're up early." 

"It's seven," Harry said as he got closer, like that wasn't plenty early. 

James chuckled. "When I was your age, you couldn't pry me out of bed before nine." 

Right after he started talking, Sirius came into the room too. "That's funny," Sirius said. "All I had to do was ask, and you bounced right up." 

"Well that was different," James said, turning back to the stove. "Anyone want eggs?" He wasn't actually hungry. He'd needed something to do, some sort of excuse so that people didn't (rightly) accuse him of brooding. He hoped someone said yes so that he could offload them. 

"I'll take some," Harry said. 

"Great. Sirius?" 

"Nah, I'm not hungry yet," Sirius said, coming up behind James and wrapping his arms around his waist. He hooked his chin over James's shoulder. 

James didn't relax against him. He didn't deserve that comfort. In the war, he should've insisted that Sirius stay the secret keeper. He'd let them switch to Peter because Sirius had looked so desperate, but he hadn't wanted to. Sirius had held his life in his hands, and that's exactly where James had wanted it. He shouldn't have let Sirius change his mind. If he'd stuck to what he wanted, none of this would've happened. Sirius wouldn't have that haunted look in his eyes any time he stopped laughing; Sirius wouldn't be so thin that James could count each and every rib when he laid down. 

He did like that Sirius was comfortable enough to do this with him again, though. When he'd first gotten back, Sirius hadn't initiated anything. Not a single touch, let alone kisses or hugs. This was a good thing for Sirius. He'd come a long way in a very short amount of time, and James was happy for him. He was happy for him in a small, specific way that sort of paled in comparison for what he was being forced to get over. 

*

James wasn't used to hating himself. He used to be a pretty great bloke, all things considered, and he generally liked himself. What wasn't to like? He was amazing. Based on Quidditch prowess alone, he was one of the better people he'd ever met. That Sirius loved him bumped him rather solidly up to the top, with his handsome face an added bonus like the cherry on top of a sundae. 

The problem now was that he was buggering horrible. Not bad enough to be at the bottom of the list, but he was so fucking low he might as well be on the floor. It was a crock of shite. How had this happened? Life wasn't fair, he knew that, but it was quite another thing to say that Lily was still dead and Harry had grown up around people that hated and feared him and Sirius had spent twelve years locked in Azkaban for a crime he didn't commit, and James was the one that managed to skip all the terrible shite. He died sure, but he came back. He was given the love of his life, their son, a new wand... everything. He'd been given back everything. And he didn't deserve any of it. 

He sodding hated this. 

Harry was okay-- mostly-- and that was good! It was great, even. But half the time when James looked at him, he didn't recognise him. He looked like family, sure, but he wasn't the baby that James had held a year ago. He would recognise that baby if he saw him again, but it had been years. It had been years since James had been alive, and that meant that Harry had went and grown up. He was his own person, with opinions and mates of his own, and James had missed out on all the time where he got those things. 

To everyone else, James had been gone/dead for fourteen years. To James, he'd been knocked out with an injury and woke up to find that everyone was different to what he'd known. Some things were incredibly similar. His father's house, for example, looked exactly the way that it had when he'd last seen it. Sirius looked different, but he was ultimately the same. Some of his edges were rougher-- both physically and emotionally-- but the base was the same as it had always been. 

It was easier with everyone else than it was with Harry. James was supposed to have been there for him for each and every step he took, and he'd missed all of it. Lily would know what to do if she was here. It's not that she always made the right decisions, but she didn't like not having a plan. When she was uncertain, she would make a plan. She used to tell him that everything was better with a plan, even if the plan was 'wait and think more', because at least then he would have something to work towards. 

James didn't have a plan, here. People had been asking him what he planned on doing-- about Harry, about Sirius, about the war-- and he never had an answer. He didn't even have the plan to wait and think more. He was just... focusing on Sirius. Pretending that everything was fine because if he tried to think about everything else, he couldn't get himself to stand. 

*

"Are you okay?" Sirius asked. 

James turned to him, a smile coming automatically to his face. "'Course. Why, what's up?" 

"That smile, for one." 

"Er, okay?" James said, his expression turning into something more like a frown. "I can be miserable if that's what you want, but I gotta say that it's a little weird." 

Sirius didn't say anything for a moment, but he looked worried. 

"Are you okay?" 

He raised one hand and rubbed his thumb over James's cheek. Not the cheekbone, but the round, middle part where it would plump up when he smiled. "You keep smiling when you're not happy. You want to explain that to me?" 

James's smile came back automatically. "What are you talking about? I'm fine." 

"Like that," Sirius said, looking more worried than before. "Right now you're smiling, but you're not feeling it. You're allowed to be sad." 

He imagined that, were his calm emotions a marble counter, there would be a massive crack in it. It was jarring. He'd thought he was hiding it pretty well. Smile, and no one would notice that he wasn't feeling as great as he pretended. He should've known that Sirius would realise it, but he'd hoped that he wasn't looking that closely. After all, Sirius had enough to deal with without worrying about what James was doing now that he was alive again. "I'm fine," James said again. "Stop worrying." 

"Don't lie to me," Sirius said quietly. James swallowed. He didn't like lying to Sirius, but it had been over something so small this time that he didn't think it really counted. Evidently, Sirius did not feel the same way about it. "If you're not upset, then you're covering something else up. So what is it? You can't keep on like you have been." When James didn't say anything, he said, "Talk to me. Whatever it is, I promise I can deal with it." 

"It's nothing," James said, but it was weak. 

Sirius didn't even have to say anything else. All he had to do was keep looking at him, and James broke. The crack in his calm deepened until it fell into two separate pieces, and he started to cry. He didn't even feel like he needed to cry; he just started to, and he couldn't make himself stop. Sirius held him the entire time. He didn't tell him that it was okay or that he was safe or any of the things that James normally said to Sirius when their positions were reversed; it made James feel a little better because there wasn't a fix to this. The world had changed when he wasn't around, and now he had to deal with that. Making it better meant that he had to adapt, not that the world needed to change back to the way it had been before. 

When James's sobs tapered off into sniffles, Sirius said, "If it- if it's about us or me, you can tell me that." 

James immediately shook his head. "It's not." His voice sounded small and croaky to his ears from crying, but maybe that was just in his head and not anything that Sirius could hear. "Not really." 

Sirius was quiet for a moment, smoothing his hand up and down James's back. James could straighten, could get his face out of Sirius's shirt now that he wasn't really crying anymore, but he didn't want to. Not looking at him made it easier. "Not really?" Sirius repeated. 

"You were in Azkaban." 

"So?" 

"So? So? What the hell do you mean by that?" James asked, shooting up to stare at him, dumbfounded. His initial idea to not look him in the face went right out the window. How could he be so flippant about it? 

Sirius squirmed a little at the sudden scrutiny. "It happened. There's nothing we can do about it. I don't want to think about it because it makes me feel worse. I just want to focus on what we have now." 

"Just like that? It's that easy for you?" 

"James..." Sirius reached over, putting a hand on the back of James's neck. "I thought I'd lost you. Forever. I never thought I'd see you again, but you're here. You're back. I don't care about the other shite. I would've done anything to see you again. Twelve years in Azkaban was worth it now that you're here." 

James started to tear up again. He shook his head. "Nothing's worth that," he choked out. 

"I disagree," Sirius said softly, and it was that simple for him. 

*

James curled up against Sirius's side. Sirius always slept on his back, so it was easy for James to sleep cuddled up to him. He looked worlds better than he had when James had first gotten back. He still wasn't up to his normal weight, but he didn't look quite so emaciated anymore. 

He got to know Harry. It was weird to be more like his older brother than a father, but at least he had the chance to know him. 

He didn't feel like he'd been awake for very long, but it must have been because when Sirius shifted and James lifted his head, he could feel that the half of his face that had been on Sirius's shoulder was imprinted with red. 

"How long have you been awake?" Sirius asked sleepily, his words slurring together. 

"I dunno." 

"You okay?" 

James thought about it before answering since Sirius didn't like when he said yes automatically. He put his head back down where it had been before. It wasn't quite as comfortable as it had been ten seconds ago. "I think so. Things are... getting better." 

Sirius nodded, then yawned. "You gonna get back to sleep?" 

"Are you getting up?" 

"Yeah." 

"Then no. I'll just get up with you." 

Sirius nodded again, turning his head so that he had a face full of James's hair. "Love you," he breathed. 

"Yeah." Somewhere along the way, he'd forgotten that for a few weeks. It had taken Sirius saying it a couple dozen times before he properly remembered. "Yeah, I love you too." He knew that the way his hand tightened on Sirius was slightly uncomfortable, but he eased up after a moment. He needed the constant reminder that Sirius was there; the same way that he knew Sirius liked constant reminders that James was still there. 

[kiranatrix]

I'm confused about Wammy's house, if it was so bad, why did Mello try so hard to be L's successor, and that Near and the other kids are okay to stay there when they are smart enough to actually leave? And was L had not really appeared? Because about Beyond, how was he able to copy L's appearance and habits? And how near knew what L looked liked to make a mask?

Hi anon. There’s several questions in there so I’ll answer them one at a time, also strap in cause I had a lot to say. Overall, I think just how ‘bad’ Wammy’s House was is open for interpretation but there’s quite a few canon details that show it’s not the greatest place and Watari/Roger weren’t purely altruistic or good parents. I’ll list those below, but to answer your first question— “Why did Mello try so hard to be L’s successor?”

What choice did Mello have? What other options had he been given or shown to him? His whole upbringing had been centered on being L’s successor, being number one, and he’d internalized the second part even more than the first. He was offended that L died before choosing, but the idea of working with Near was so distasteful to him (not being number one) he would rather throw away the idea of being L’s sole successor and go out on his own than be a team. That is a very unhealthy level of competition, and while Mello’s personality factored into his feeling that way, so did how Wammy’s was designed.

It’s worth saying that Mello was only 14 when he was allowed to storm out the door. Roger let minor children run away/leave and didn’t bother stopping them, or even to find out where they were going or prepare them with any money or resources. That is not normal behavior for someone who cares for kids’ well-being. Beyond also ran away and Near was allowed to walk out too--all into ambiguous, dangerous situations. A murder spree, the Mafia, chasing after and nearly getting killed by Kira... 

Regarding why Mello left the other children there, it’s clear in the manga he didn’t much care for any of them (except probably Matt, who he later recruited to leave, too). He disliked Near intensely and bullied the other children. I don’t recall a single positive interaction with Mello and anyone else at Wammy’s House. He certainly wasn’t thinking about their well-being when he left so we can’t make any assumptions about that meaning Wammy’s House was an ok place to be.

Near and Mello and all the other kids were technically “smart enough to leave,” as you say, but there’s a big difference between logically knowing a situation is bad and being able to leave it. There’s both psychological and practical hurdles, especially when you’re a child with nowhere else to go, and many people have a hard time leaving bad real-world situations because they are complex. It took Mello getting to a real breaking point to leave; he wasn’t the first.

As to why some people interpret Wammy’s House as a not-so-good place:

- The purpose of Wammy’s was to raise new L’s, and the job of L would pass to a single person after the original L’s death. In addition to being a pretty morbid practice, being L was dangerous, isolating, high-pressure, and apparently life-long. Little emphasis is place on the children’s worth aside from their potential as successors. Not great. 

- There were other normal orphanages that Watari ran, according to the news coverage after Watari died. However Wammy’s House was described as Aizawa as ‘not a normal orphanage’ so these children had been identified by Watari as potentially gifted enough to be L’s successors and were separated from other kids because of that. So, Watari was actively looking to identify geniuses based on his own arbitrary criteria and place them in a predetermined path. Whether the children had much of a choice in this is never made clear. 

- Wammy’s House was competitive by design and the children were ranked; these rankings were incredibly important and all the children knew their rankings. That’s a pretty stressful and anxiety-producing situation even for much older kids and college students, but these are young children. I think this would be considered a very psychologically confusing thing for them, and likely taint their relationships with each other as we see with Mello and Near. Mello was so obsessed with beating Near, it became the driving force in his life, but Near didn’t actively antagonize him. The pressure came from Wammy’s.

- Not wanting to be L’s successor was tantamount to having to run away from Wammy’s House. Beyond and Mello both felt pressured to do this, like there was no other alternative. L’s first successor A took it even further and committed suicide. Valid options for turning down their ‘important path’ were either not given or not apparent to the children and that’s very bad. 

- Roger is described in How to Read as disliking children. That’s probably not the best person to be running a home for vulnerable children but Watari saw no issue with this. There’s bullying that happens right in front of Roger and he just shrugs, and the way he breaks L’s death to Mello and Near is pretty cold. Both of them are highly distressed by the news in their own way. Geniuses or not, they are still children.

- There were multiple ‘generations’ of successors, which is a rather unfeeling way to look at the residents growing up at Wammy’s House. Failures were cast aside and forgotten about while the top students were given special privileges (like getting information L had died). 

- Their idol L was distant and also didn’t care much about them or take an interest in their education, couldn’t even be arsed to pick a successor. In the Relight OVA, L does speak directly to the children without a voice modulator but the message is really bleak--- essentially, it takes a monster to catch a monster. So, that’s the kind of stuff they’re hearing from the celebrated L, who they are supposed to want to be like. Near also states that L preferred him and Mello due to “a nasty look in their eyes.” Just wow.

I’m sure people can add on more reasons/qualms with Wammy’s House, but those are the ones that immediately spring to mind. Finally, for your question, “[Had] L had not really appeared? Because about Beyond, how was he able to copy L's appearance and habits? And how Near knew what L looked liked to make a mask?”

In the canon manga and anime, no, L never appeared to the kids that we know of. In Another Note, Mello says that he had conversations with L about various things, but Mello is also an unreliable narrator (he also speaks about his own death “died like a dog” and a bunch of other wild stuff L would never say, like about “aggressive top”). L may have spoken with Mello over computer I guess since LABB did happen, but I’m not sure when that was supposed to occur. About how Near knew what L looked like (kind of, that mask was highly stylized), it’s also hard to say. He did a lot of investigating into L and Kira before approaching the FBI, but he also had the chance to talk with Mogi and Aizawa who had met L and knew what he looked like. As for Beyond, I wouldn’t put it past him to have stalked L or turned the investigative techniques he’d learned at Wammy’s into finding out about L after he left. His disguise as L wasn’t perfect either, so perhaps he only heard what L looked like vs. saw him himself. 

[citraxrowan]

peaky blinders s6 theories/s5 ending discussion

okay so i recently did a full rewatch of peaky blinders because it is such a great show and i can’t wait for the next season even though we won’t get it for a while because of the pandemic. the season 5 cliffhanger ending still makes me go feral though, so i would like to go over some theories to revive the discussion and hear your thoughts on who betrayed tommy, etc. 

first i'll briefly outline a few points i’m personally speculating on: 

1. gina. i do not trust her!!! feel like she’s definitely an enemy

◦ i don’t think gina's pregnant. i believe she wanted to get close to the shelby/gray family for a greater purpose. with michael in america, she got her chance. gina doesn’t actually love michael, she’s using him. 

notice how abruptly they got married? gina probably lied about being pregnant so as not to lose michael the key for infiltrating the peaky blinders 

gina is insistent on going to the doctor’s appointment alone, not with ada. probably because there is no baby. 

when polly puts her hand on gina’s stomach, gina retracts. polly has senses that tell her about pregnancies; for example, she can tell when ada is pregnant and correctly predicts that lizzie will have a baby girl. when talking about gina’s baby, polly says something like “i wish i felt that heartbeat today” so polly knows she’s not pregnant/is suspicious of gina 

◦ gina knows mosley. they may be working together

gina corrects michael on mosley’s title/position before meeting him = they probably already know each other, possibly because they’re working together 

gina and mosley share a glance during the ballet 

the girl mosley is having intercourse with before the speech has hair that looks like gina’s, and the girl’s face is never shown. could this be gina? based on all this, i feel like it is 

◦ gina is manipulating/controlling/using michael 

she is always whispering in his ear, influencing him

for one, she holds out the papers of the proposed plan to restructure the company

i think gina is definitely an enemy, but i don’t think michael is truly on the same level as her. there are certainly tensions between him and the rest of the family, but i don’t think he is actually a traitor. gina is the puppet master and michael’s her victim. bringing me to my next point

2. michael— he is not the traitor. 

◦ michael doesn’t want to kill any of his family members

remember when michael found out polly made a deal with luca? it’s true that he ended up not telling tommy, choosing his mom over his cousin, but he told polly, “no, we don’t do that to our own” (pretty sure that’s the exact line. feel free to correct me on anything that’s wrong, i’m going off the top of my head). michael doesn’t have any desires to kill his family. he is ambitious and would like to expand on the family business, but killing them wouldn’t really be beneficial and doesn’t seem like his style 

◦ he’s a red herring. perhaps the writers are using him as a distraction

the family was suspicious of him when he first returned; he was already monitored for a period of time and tommy looked into things like his calls, meetings, etc., and he was cleared

so it may seem like he is an obvious option for being the traitor, but i think michael is no traitor, though gina the motherfucking manipulator is 

◦ he’s being controlled by gina. i already went over this but just wanted to list it again here to provide as possible evidence to back this up

3. finn & billy grade (football/singer)

◦ i love little finn but he definitely shouldn’t have said anything, even if he didn’t give exact details

◦ now once finn tells him about the shooting, billy is seen reaching towards the money finn places down for him, but ends up picking up the phone instead. there are two possibilities here: 

billy called someone and informed them of the planned shooting— i initially believed this and still do. billy's demeanor, especially when he reaches for the phone, seemed somewhat sus. however, i have heard about a second option...

billy calls a girl to have intercourse with as finn suggested— i can understand this point, but i just don’t know if he really wasn’t passing on information or was. on one hand, finn was vague but tommy was foiled pretty well. on the other hand, he still could have played a part in the betrayal, as there could have been numerous people involved and providing inside information, not only billy

next i want to quickly bring up some theories i’ve seen but personally idk if i completely believe in them: 

◦ churchill is behind it

he didn’t want mosley to become a martyr for the fascist movement so he had barney killed before he could take the shot ?

he said cutting a weed down doesn’t always work (mosley is a weed, and tommy can’t simply kill him as a solution) ?

◦ johnny dogs is the traitor

he was in the room when tommy explained the plan in detail 

aberama said only johnny knew where he was, so how did the billy boys find him ?

johnny was reluctant to go to scotland. was tommy losing his control over johnny ?

johnny was the only one not attacked. aberama was killed and arthur was targeted but survived, though johnny was spared 

okay now i just want to go over these theories i’ve heard about but personally don’t believe and i’ll explain why: 

• alfie is a traitor

alfie is jewish, mosley is a fascist. i don’t see why alfie would want to keep mosley alive, and i can’t see mosley wanting to team up with alfie 

when alfie was listening to mosley’s speech on the radio, he said something like “whenever you’re ready tom” so it really seems like alfie was in full support of having mosley killed

alfie has betrayed tommy three times already. i think that’s enough

• michael is the traitor

already explained that he was 1) being controlled by gina, and 2) would not betray tommy this way. he may be ambitious, but he would not do this. i mean, why would he want aberama dead, arthur dead, and mosley spared? he loves his mom and polly had just gotten engaged to aberama, so ? what benefit would arthur’s death or mosley being kept alive bring? michael wants to expand the business in america, not become a fascist. i don’t think he’s responsible. his wife on the other hand... 

finally i would just like to bring up some other topics for discussion: 

1. camera effect— when tommy was explaining the plan in detail, there was a moment with a camera effect that made it look like there were doubles or lines i’m so bad at describing it but you know what i’m talking about right it was like someone was looking in or something like that. what was that about do you think? 

i’ve heard people say it was michael and gina but personally i don’t think it was michael as i’ve already expressed how i don’t think he is the traitor, and gina- idk. seems like these more high class people hire others to do this stuff like spying. i’m not sure what to make of this...

2. who really had younger killed? 

3. who is the man that tommy can’t beat? 

is it tommy himself? will he commit suicide at some point? there have been several instances and some foreshadowing it seems. charlie even said it ran in the family. idk 

4. plan b— gina brings up plan b after michael is shut down

gina orchestrated plan b. perhaps plan b is separating from the family to do the business in america, but gina may be hiding more 

is gina a fascist? this could be a part of why she would be working with mosley. a friend mentioned seeing this theory: is gina italian american, possibly related to al capone— because he was name dropped, he may play a part later on ? 

feel free to add on! agree or disagree, i’d love to continue the discussion and hear more to ponder over :) 

[dragonheart-swtor]

OC Interview - Zashiil

I was tagged by @darth-bagel​, thank you! I’ll tag @sleepswithvillains​, @sunsetofdoom​, and anyone else who wants to take a stab at this one!

I realized I can just roll a d8 and generate one of my characters, so I random-rolled Zashiil for this. Set at some point during KOTFE.

► Name? ➔  “Zashiil.”

► Are you single? ➔ She arches an eyebrow. “I’m... a Jedi. So yes. If I’d wanted someone to ask that, I would have gone to Tharan.”

► Are you happy? ➔ “Not with the direction these questions are going.”

► Are you angry? ➔ She pauses, eyeing the interviewer. “...Not yet.”

► Are your parents still married? ➔ “You’re very bad at easing into personal questions, aren’t you.” It is not a question.

NINE FACTS

► Birth place ➔ She hesitates. “I’m... not actually sure. Some backwater in Hutt space. I don’t remember its name.”

► Hair color ➔ Dark brown.

► Eye color ➔ Gold.

► Birthday ➔ [the author chooses to redact this because it’s rapidly sending them down a rabbithole of Star Wars calendars that they do Not want to go down right now jsdfkjsdlfkjsd]

► Mood ➔ “Mildly irritated with the insistence on inane questions thus far.”

► Gender ➔ “Cis woman, she/her.”

► Summer or winter? ➔ “I’ll take summer over winter, thanks. I grew up on pretty hot planets, and if I ever have to go back to Hoth again I’m blowing the planet up starship graveyard or no.”

► Morning or afternoon? ➔ “Afternoon. If I’m lucky, I’ll have the later part of it off to actually relax sometimes.”

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE – “What love life?”

► Are you in love? ➔ She looks wearily into the camera. “I’m a Jedi. So, no.”

► Do you believe in love at first sight? ➔ She scoffs. “Only in holonovels. People don’t work like that.”

► Who ended your last relationship? ➔ “The closest thing I’ve had to a “relationship” was an ill-advised kiss with a boy behind the wall around the training fields at the Jedi Temple.” She wrinkles her nose at the memory. “It was not worthwhile.”

► Have you ever broken someone’s heart? ➔ “I almost broke Tharan’s hand once, does that count?”

► Are you afraid of commitments? ➔ Silence for a long moment. She sighs. “I push people away because I’m afraid of being hurt or rejected by someone I trust. Personally, I don’t see a problem with that. I’m not supposed to get attached to people anyway.”

► Have you hugged someone within last week? ➔ She grumbles under her breath, “Garen is going through a lot right now. She needs the support.”

► Have you ever had a secret admirer? ➔ She pauses, as if she’s never thought to ask herself that, then smiles dryly. “Wouldn’t be very secret if I knew, would they?”

► Have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ “N-” She breaks off halfway through saying ‘no,’ hesitating. “...Depends who you blame, I guess.”

SIX CHOICES

► Love or lust? ➔ “For the last time. Jedi.”

► Lemonade or ice-tea? ➔ “Lemonade.”

► Cats or dogs? ➔ “Cats, please. Dogs are too high-maintenance.” She gets a longing look on her face for a moment. “I always wanted a tooka cat, but I didn’t want one on the ship. Suppose the same rule about putting animals in danger applies to the Alliance base right now, too.”

► A few best friends or many regular friends? ➔ “A few close friends, I guess. Very few.”

► Wild night out or romantic night in? ➔ “How many romance questions do you -” She cuts herself off with a sigh. “Night in. I’m not really the party type.”

► Day or night? ➔ “Day is good.” She lets a mischievous smirk creep onto her face. “Nights are only fun because Zabraks have better night vision than Humans, and... well, if I just happen to walk quietly and people get startled because they didn’t expect me to be there, that’s not my fault, is it?”

FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS

► Been caught sneaking out? ➔ “Yep. Once.” She grimaces. “Let’s just say I didn’t do it again.”

► Fallen down/up the stairs? ➔ “Somehow I’ve managed to avoid that tragedy.”

► Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ Her smile fades. “...Yes. But there’s nothing I can do about it now. We’ve... we’ve both made our choices.”

► Wanted to disappear? ➔ “Well, the one time I did disappear for a few years, the galaxy went to hell, so that’s apparently not in anyone’s best interest. Can’t leave these damn bureaucrats alone for five minutes.”

FOUR PREFERENCES

► Smile or eyes? ➔ “...Smile.” She says it grudgingly, apparently having given up on the Jedi routine.

► Shorter or taller? ➔ “Pretty unusual to find someone taller than me.”

► Intelligence or attraction? ➔ “I don’t - honestly know. I’m not looking for anyone, does it matter?”

► Hook-up or relationship? ➔ “No.”

FAMILY

► Do you and your family get along? ➔ “It’s... most of them aren’t around anymore. My sister...” She grimaces. “Not really.”

► Would you say you have a ‘messed up life’? ➔ She laughs bitterly. “Yeah. You could say that. It’s gotten better, and then worse, and then better again, and then worse again. Hopefully the pattern continues and we’re on the upswing again.”

► Have you ever ran away from home? ➔ “Not... really? I didn’t have a home until the Jedi, really, and after that I was too grateful to them to run.”

► Have you ever got kicked out? ➔ “No. Although I think Master Nivan tried when I was a padawan. Something about salamanders in his bed, which I’m sure I know nothing about and which I’m even more sure had nothing at all to do with how horribly boring his lectures on Jedi history were.”

FRIENDS

► Do you secretly hate one of your friends?➔ She leans around the corner to glare at Tharan. “It’s not a secret.”

► Do you consider all your friends good friends? ➔ “Good as in “close”? No. Good as in “10/10 would friend again”? I wouldn’t be friends with them otherwise.”

► Who is your best friend? ➔ She smiles dryly. “I think Garen considers herself everyone’s best friend.”

► Who knows everything about you? ➔ “Anyone who knows anything about me knows they don’t know everything. Remember the whole therapist speech about how I push people away? Yeah.”

[alienoresimagines]

Unchanging force| Dazai Osamu x Female Reader

A/N : This is my first time writing for Bungo Stray Dogs, this anime is sincerely one of my favourite ! Hope you'll enjoy! This imagine is based on a prompt from @creativepromptsforwriting, this blog has really been helpful to help me through a writer block so thank you! Don't hesitate to check this blog, they do awesome prompts!This can be read as a platonic or as a pre-relation thing.

Warnings! : mention of suicide attempts! Amnesia.

Masterlist Taglist Prompts

Posted : 11/11/2019

~

Sky. You didn’t know why, but you always seemed to look at it. Whenever you were walking, you’ll always look above you to watch it. It makes you feel safe. The sky was your only roof. To you, it is beautiful how a single thing can be so important but yet be considered as a banal thing, how just a change of color can change the mood of a whole world, how something can appear as quiet and silent but is hiding a silent storm which can destroy the entire world. But more importantly, it was the only thing in your life that was stable. No matter where you go, the sky is there. When friends, family and happiness aren’t, it is there. The sky is an unchanging force. And today, too, you’re staring at it. But this time, your head isn’t full of questions. No. This time, your mind is blank. As if you were in a coma. It felt like if you were floating above your broken body. Your head hurts. That’s the next thing you realize. Then, you understand that it is all your body that hurts. And that you’re soaked too. You can feel your clothes sticking to your bruised skin. Where did these bruises come from? The reality made its way in your mind but you felt nothing except tiredness and numbness. You didn’t know what happened. In fact, you didn’t remember anything. A voice has pierced the barrier around your confused brain.

“Miss? You could thank me, you know! You obstructed my suicide attempt! Because of you, I’d have to….” If you could, you would probably have frowned. The rest of the sound gets swallowed by the silence that was quickly followed by the complete black. The last thing you remember from this moment is the orange of the sky. It seemed as if it was on fire. You achieved to raise a corner of your lips. An unchanging force.

“Miss?”

~

That was 4 months ago. You woke up at the hospital with the strange man, you assumed, has saved you. It turned out you were amnesiac and the only thing you could remember was [Y/N] [L/N]. Your name. Everything but this were black. The medics have said that you’ve probably been hitting by a car and fell in the river where you “met” Dazai Osamu. That odd man was… well rather handsome, and for an unknown reason always wear a lot of bandages. Oh, and he has a weird obsession for suicide. It turned out that he had found you as he tried a new way to die in the river and that you prevented him from doing what he wanted because he could not let such a beautiful woman die so young. Well, that’s what he told you. But the fact remains that, in the time you were in this white room, he came to see you every day and told you about his day and about a certain Kunikida but you weren’t sure of the name, you managed to be friend with him. At least that’s what you’d like to think. You soon understand that Dazai has a rather… complicated idea of friendship. Behind his friendly and teasing behavior, it is actually really hard to know what he thinks about. But you’re sure of one thing. There is darkness in his eyes. No matter how much his eyes seem to shine, somehow, they just look dead. Though, you like to imagine that, when he is with you, his smile is sincere.

You sigh deeply as you look away from the window. You glare at the clock on the wall. It has only been 15 minutes since the last time you glanced at it. If you weren’t already hating white, you certainly were by now. Everything, everything was white. From the ground to the ceiling, from the bed to the flowerpot. You try to reassure yourself. “Come on, [Y/N]. It’ll be over soon. Dazai-san is on his way to pick you up and then you’ll be on your own again.” You sigh again as you lean back your head on your pillow.

~

“[Y/N]-chan!” You open your eyes as you frown slightly. You must have fallen asleep. You turned your head towards the owner of the voice only to see Dazai beside your bed with a fill of paper and a pen.

“Dazai-san ?” You sit on your bed, taking a look at the wall clock. You’ve been asleep for 30 minutes. You look back at the man to your left.

“[Y/N]-chan, they’ll let me take you home, but I have to complete this file…” he pouts slightly as he waves the papers in his hands under your nose as if it were the plague. You open your mouth to talk when he speaks again. “But I don’t know your birthdate so I can’t complete it…” As soon as those words crossed the barrier of his lips, you looked down at your hands, remaining on your lap. You frown, trying to remember your birthdate. You tried, you really did, but the only thing you got was a migraine. You sigh angrily as you furiously clench your fists. The only thing that came to your mind was your name but nothing else. I am [Y/N] [L/N], and I am born the… Nothing. The void. You let out a frustrated groan.

“I’m sorry, Dazai-san, but I can’t remember…” you said quietly, as if you were ashamed. If Dazai notices, he says nothing about it. You close your eyes, trying to pretend that you didn’t feel the burning behind your eyes. When you feel air blowing slightly on your face, you open your eyes. Dazai had put the papers on your lap and the pen. You look at him with confusion written all over your face. He just shrugs.

“There’s no point in forcing you to remember if you can’t. I guess you can choose the date you want.” You look at him with wide eyes. You looked down on the sheets of paper on your lap. You take the pen with trembling hands before you close your eyes. You don’t know why, but you felt like a critical moment in your life was happening. You’ve been thinking about all the days you’ve had since you woke up from your accident until now. You needed to pick an important date. After all, not everyone could choose their birthday! Suddenly, a particular day seemed to stand out in your mind. You smile. Yes, that date would be perfect. You pressed the tip of the pen on the dotted lines before marking with your finest handwriting 4th April. You wonder for a moment if you should also specify the year before deciding otherwise. They could handle it, you were an adult, that should be enough. You gave The Papers back to Dazai with a smile. When he read what you had written, he raised his eyebrows with a surprised look. You felt yourself blush under his gaze.

“Why this date?” At this point, you didn’t know if he knew what had happened that day. You’re sure your cheeks are tomato-colored by now. You scratch the back of your neck in an attempt to hide your discomfort.

“Um, well, it’s just … ya know … That day, you… you spent the day with me… And… Um… I had a good time and… this date reminds me of you… that’s it…” You don’t know if it were possible to die of embarrassment, but you were sure you would soon find out. There was a silence between the two of you that seemed to last for years. If you had looked up, you would have seen the expression of shock and surprise that had taken place on his handsome features before it was replaced by his usual teasing one.

“You know, [Y/N], if you wanted something from me, you could have said it without bothering yourself in so many ways.” He says with a wink. You blush even more if that was possible. You threw a pillow at him hoping it would shut him up.

“Oh, beautiful lady, would you commit suicide with me?”

“Shut up please, Dazai-san!” You laugh, a warmth in your chest. However, you couldn’t help but notice that there was something new in his brown eyes. You couldn’t quite say what it was, but it was there and you found it beautiful. It almost felt like it gave some light into his eyes.

~

You didn’t know why you were so interested in this man. It was quite the opposite of the unchanging force you admired so much. Dazai could sink through your fingers so easily that it was frightening. It was possible to ask whether he felt any emotion. But there was something about how he diverted the discussion as soon as it got a little too close to the personal domain, the way he hid behind constant sarcasm and stupid acts. About his suicide attempts, bandages, collar, and falsely carefree behavior. You were intrigued by all this. You wanted to know the real Dazai even if everything was not beautiful. And, little by little, you’d be able to make him lose those habits, at least around you. Four months ago, he saved your life. Now it was your turn.

[duhragonball]

Field Guide to the Rock Humans

I wrote this earlier today and Tumblr ate the post.   I've noticed that ever since Tumblr last changed the dashboard, this will happen.   I don't think it saves drafts like it should, and if you zoom in on the screen too much it closes the post editior window.   So I'm doing what I used to do on Livejournal and writing this out on Notepad before I commit to posting.   So Tumblr's regressed to 2005 standards.  

Anyway, what I want to do here is go over all the Rock Humans in JoJolion.    While reading Part 8, I kept getting frustrated that there seemed to be an endless supply of Rock Humans running around, and every time Josuke turns around, there's another one waiting for him.  

But as it turns out, there really aren't that many of these guys.   The JoJo Wiki lists 13 characters, and three of them are Rock Animals who may not even have Stands.   Two of them are the A. Phex brothers, who are only a threat when they work together, so really, you're only dealing with nine Stand Battles, which seems like a pretty reasonable number when you put it that way.    Even so, I want to write all this out, because it helped me make better sense of the plot.  

What I'm going to do here is list each character, with their Stand's name in [Brackets], followed by the span of their first appearance to when they were last active.    Let's get the Rock Animals out of the way first, since they're fairly minor characters.

A. Iwasuke, JJL #22-Present

Iwasuke is either a stray dog who wandered onto the Higashikata estate, or he was purposely sent there by Yotsuyu Yagiyama to get Tsurugi's attention.   I just assumed Iwasuke was a normal dog who somehow got strange rock characteristics from all the weird stuff going on with the Wall Eyes and the Higashikata land and whatever else, but the JoJo Wiki calls him a Rock Animal, so okay.  Whatever his ties to Yotsuyu, Tsurugi adopted the dog after Yotsuyu's death, and gave him the name Iwasuke.   I don't think he's appeared since Chapter 77, but as far as I know he's still alive.  

B. Doremifasolati Do, JJL #65-70

Unlike Iwasuke, Doremi is unmistakably a Rock Animal because he looks absolutely nothing like any real-world animal.   He burrows underground, and his master, Urban Guerrilla, can ride inside him like a tank.   They died together while fighting Josuke Higashikata, Rai Mamezuku, and Yasuho Hirose.

C. "Hair Clip Rock Animal", JJL #71

This creature lived and died in 2005, several years before JoJolion takes place.   A 13-year-old Yasuho purchased a hair clip, not realizing it was actually a Rock Animal.  For some reason it inflicted various misfortunes upon her, including a dandruff-like skin condition, and making her see a simulation of her father telling her that he would never visit her again.   Yasuho nearly committed suicide because of the Rock Animal's machinations, but Dr. Holly Kira saved her.   While in the hospital, her son Yoshikage Kira stepped on the hair clip, never realizing that it had been alive.  

I never quite understood the point of this flashback, except to illustrate the depth of the connection between Yasuho and Josuke, and to show that the Rock Humans must be inherently evil, since even Rock Animals appear to delight in cruelty and suffering for some reason.    

And now the Rock Humans.  

1. Yotsuyu Yagiyama, [I Am A Rock], JJL #26-32

Yagiyama was the first Rock Human in the series.  He claimed to have killed Yoshikage Kira, but in the flashback shown in Chapters 50-53, that's not actually how it went down.  Like all Rock Humans, he had no name until he stole the identity of some unsuspecting human.   Yotsuyu became an architect, building the Higashikata House, as well as renovating the Morioh baseball stadium.   But he was also part of the Locacaca Organization, a group of Rock Humans who smuggle Locacaca fruit into Morioh to sell to humans and for research at the TG University Hospital.   Yotsusu was with the smuggling wing of the group.  

Pre-JoJolion, Yoshikage Kira and Josefumi Kujo stole a branch from one of their imports, and Yotsuyu and his boss Tamaki Damo ambushed them and interrogated them to get it back.  Later, he discovered Josuke at the Higashikata house, and manipulated Tsurugi into helping him trap Josuke.   His plan ultimately failed, and he died when Josuke submerged him in the sea to interrogate him.   When his body collapsed into rubble, Josuke and Norisuke Higashikata realized that they were dealing with a group of inhuman enemies.

"I Am A Rock" has the power to cause specific objects of Yotusuyu's choosing to fly toward his target.   He has to touch a target to activate the ability, and then the objects will be attracted to the victim and eventually push throug the victim's flesh to reach his very center.  

2. Aisho Dainenjiyama, [Doobie Wah!], JJL #38-42

Aisho was apparently the sales and delivery guy for the Locacaca smuggling ring.  Pre-Jojolion, Kira and Kujo stole a Locacaca Branch from him while he was transporting it through town.  

Following Yotsuyu's death, Yasuho Hirose discovered his connection with Aisho, who worked as a security guard at the baseball stadium Yotsuyu renovated.   She and Tsurugi tried to spy on him, only to run afoul of his Stand.   During the battle, it was revealed that Aisho knew Jobin Higashikata, but he was killed before anyone could find out the extent of that relationship.    

Doobie Wah! is an automatic pursuer Stand.  When activated, it chases after the victim, producing miniature tornadoes from the victim's own breath.   These tornadoes will attack the victim relentlessly, and the only real defense is to stop breathing or attack Aisho directly.    

3. A. Phex the Elder [Schott Key No. 1] JJL #44-46 4. A. Phex the Younger [Schott Key No.2] JJL #44-46

These two guys were the assassins for the Locacaca Organization.   Pre-Jojolion, they were tasked with pursuing Kira and Kujo after they escaped from Damo and Yotsuyu.   Then they were sent to kill Karera Saknami, due to her connection with Kira, and followed her for trail for six months.

Their chase led them back to Morioh, where Josuke saved Karera from their attack.    She then returned the favor, setting the brothers on fire while they were attacking Josuke.  

Their Stands are somewhat limited in power.   Schott Key No. 1 merely teleports objects from the left hand to the right.   Schott Key No. 2 emits toxic gas at all times, so the user has to keep it inside a soccer ball most of the time, as even he is not immune to the gas.  Working together, the brothers can combine their abilities to be more formidable.  

5. Tamaki Damo [Vitamin C] JJL #47-55

Damo ran the "Damo Kan" Cleaning Service as a front for his smuggling ring.   When his four subordinates all perished, he seduced Hato Higashikata so that she would bring him home to meet her family.    Once inside, he used his Stand to incapacitate them all, hoping to interrogate them for answers.   But Josuke appeared and managed to free Hato, enabling her to fight back against Damo with her own Stand.  Before dying, he offered to help Josuke get Locacaca fruit for his mother, but Josuke killed him instead.

Vitamin C liquefies its victims, reducing them to malleable fluids that Damo can torment with ease. The ability is triggered once the target touches Damo's fingerprints, so his strategy is to enter a room without being suspected and then touching lots of things so that his victim will touch the same objects without realizing the danger they're in.  

6. Dolomite, aka Masaji Dorokoma [Blue Hawaii] JJL #59-63

This guy was never part of the Locacaca gang, and had no interest in the Locacaca fruit, because he lost his limbs and most of his teeth in an accident, and figured the fruit's equivalent exchange powers would do him no good, since he was missing too many body parts already.  

But somehow, Dolomite knew Jobin Higashikata, who sought his help in obtaining the "new" Locacaca fruit that would come from the stolen branch that was hidden somewhere in the Higashikata Estate by Yoshikage Kira and Josefumi Kujo.   Jobin suggested that this new breed of fruit might even be able to heal Dolomite, so he agreed to make a go for it. Instead, he was defeated by Yasuho Hirose before he could kill Josuke and tell Jobin what he had learned from him.  

Notably, Dolomite is the one Rock Human that the good guys haven't killed.  Josuke decided that he's no longer a threat, and he doesn't really know anything.  

Blue Hawaii can control the mind of a victim once they touch something that was connected to the user, like a tooth.  The victim will attack and pursue Dolomite's target, and the mind control can be transferred to another victim on contact.  Blue Hawaii seems to only be able to control one person at a time, but the power is very difficult to escape, so the only real defense is to attack the user.

7. Urban Guerrilla aka Dr. Ryo Shimosato, [Brain Storm] JJL #65-70

The other side of the Locacaca Organization was a group of four Rock Human doctors based out of the TG University Hospital.    Dr. Ryo Shimosato, operating under the guise of "Urban Guerrilla" was sent to intercept Josuke and the "Plant Appraiser", Rai Mamezuku, before they can locate the New Locacaca branch on the Higashikata estate.  He was defeated, along with his Rock Animal, Doremifasolati Do.   Unlike Damo's group of smugglers, who were only out to recover their stolen property and protect their secrets, the four doctors seem to view the New Locacaca branch to be a breakthrough discovery, and they want to take possession of it for their own research.  

Brain Storm is perhaps one of the bullshittiest Stands of them all, in that it's not only incredibly overpowered, but also fails to actually do what's it's supposed to do whenever it's inconvenient for the plot.    Supposedly, it dissolves flesh, and when it comes into contact with flesh, it drives "feelers" even deeper into the victim, which supposedly causes even more damage from the inside, and it "multiplies exponentially".  So you'd think this would destroy a person within minutes, but instead the good guys just seem to shrug this effect off, because no one has any healing abilities in this part, and no one wants to see the main characters with gaping holes all over their faces.      

8. Poor Tom [Ozone Baby] JJL #70-76

This is the second of the four doctors, although we never got a real name for the guy.   Does everyone in the obstetrics ward call him "Doctor Poor Tom?"  Following Urban Guerilla's defeat, Poor Tom contacted Jobin Higashikata and offers to stop Josuke from finding the branch.  You'd think that by now Jobin would know better than to trust the Rock Humans, but whatever.  

Jobin buried Poor Tom's Stand, Ozone Baby in the Higashikata Orchard, believing it would prevent Josuke and Rai from entering the property.   Instead, it nearly killed everyone in a 100 meter radius, including Jobin himself.  Tom's real plan was to search the orchard for the branch once everyone was safely dead.  So Jobin set fire to the orchard and called Tom to tell him it was on fire, just so Tom would have to come to the orchard in person and cancel his Stand's attack in order to keep the branch from burning up.   Soon after, he was defeated by Josuke, but he managed to secure a branch and get it to a waiting ambulance, only to die from a gunshot fired by... someone.    But Tom died in vain, as his allies received the branch, only to find that it was not the right one, and Jobin had managed to hide it in his house.  

Ozone Baby alters the atmospheric pressure of its surroundings.  The pressure increases greatly outdoors, but even in an enclosed space, it slowly increases, so that there is no real escape from the effect.  

9. Dr. Wu Tomoki [Dr. Wu], JJL #76-82

The third doctor of the Rock Human cabal at TGU Hospital.   I'm not quite clear on how this got started, but somehow Jobin's wife Mitsuba paid Dr. Wu 200 million yen for medical treatment, and he just kept giving her doses of Locacaca, which would heal one body part only to inflict a new ailment on a different part.   So Mitsuba kept coming back for more treatments.    I'm not sure if Wu was doing this to use Mitsuba as a test subject for his experiements, or if he was just bilking her for money, or if he was using her to get information about the Higashikata household.   Maybe all three.  When Yasuho tracked Poor Tom to the hospital, she discovered Dr. Wu's scheme, and she and Mitsuba fought against him.   Josuke finally killed Wu by drowning him in medical cement.  

Wu's eponymous Stand allows him to transform his body in a cloud of fine particles, which drifts along air currents.  Upon contact with a victim's body, he can penetrate the body and trigger allergic reactions, or fuse with the victim's tissues to control them like a puppet.  

10. Dr. Afeku Satoru [Unidentified Stand], JJL #76-Present.

Presumably the final boss of JoJolion, and the sole survivor of the Locacaca Organization, unless Dolomite wants to join.  

Satoru acts as the Head Doctor of the TGU Hospital, a largely ceremonial role.  His Stand apparenly causes objects to collide with anyone who attempts to follow him or get a look at his face.    The Stand's exact abilities are not yet clear, although it seems reasonable to assume that something has to trigger this ability, since it only seems to work on Satoru's enemies.   He gave a lecture announcing a new Locacaca-based medicine, and his audience was able to see him just fine.  

Satoru appears to show up in multiple places at once, leading Rai Mamezuku to speculate that the image of the elderly doctor is actually the Stand, meaning that the user must be someone else, somewhere else.    Whatever the case, he's been roaming the Higashikata estate, searching for the Locacaca Branch, and in Chapter 96 he entered the house, since that's where Jobin's been keeping it.  

One wonders why he doesn't just strike some kind of deal with Jobin and Josuke.  They only want the fruit to lift the Higashikata Curse and save Holly Kira, and he only seems to want to push the boundaries of modern medicine.   You'd think everyone could get what they want, but Satoru seems to think he's invincible, so maybe he sees no need to bargain.  

More to the point, Holly Kira probably got sick in the first place because she was involved in his Locacaca research to some extent.   She helped set up the lab they used for the research, and when she started asking too many questions, she would up bedridden.   So maybe Satoru doesn't want Holly to recover for fear of the secrets she might reveal, but this begs the question of why he doesn't just have her killed.  

As for Josuke, he seems to have shifted tactics.   Instead of pursuing Satoru at all costs, he's taking Holly's advice and concentrating on a different goal.   If it puts him in Satoru's path, so be it.   On the other hand, Jobin seems to be determined to fight him head-on, which is probably the worst possible move...

[booksneedcaffeinetoo]

Book Review: House of Earth and Blood (Crescent City #1) by Sarah J. Maas

House of Earth and Blood by Sarah J. Maas

This review is going to be LITTERED with SPOILERS because idk how to talk about this book without giving away the whole plot.

Consider yourself officially warned. 

I’m still debating on my rating, but for now here is my review. Fair warning: it is rant-y and ramble-y and hasn't been edited yet. I'll clean it up when I come back for a rating.

As always, content warnings are listed at the bottom!

Overall Positives:

• SJM has actually included a few gay characters….now they are all very minor side characters (Isiah, Fury, Juniper, and Declan) who are only present for maybe 3% total of the novel, but at least they exist??? So she gets points for actually having gay characters who aren’t killed off. You can say that she’s making an effort.

• The banter between Bryce and Hunt was pretty funny

• That scene with the knock-off My Little Pony dolls was funny

• I think there might've been a reference in the book to First Aid Kit (the sister folk duo) and it made my heart squeal because I love that band SO MUCH!

• Bryce actually has a great relationship with her mom and her stepfather! And they are both alive! And stay alive! I’m actually struggling to recall a book I’ve read where the main character in the book has a). both parents alive and b). a great relationship with them both. So that was really refreshing!

• Hunt in a sunball cap.

• Bryce and Hunt taking photos together. Way too adorable.

• Ride or die friendship. I love books that emphasize the importance of friendship.

• That LIGHT IT UP DANIKA LIGHT IT UP LIGHT IT UP scene....like i felt that...her happiness. so sweet. i teared up at that scene ngl....

• Pretty good depiction of grief. How even after years the pain of losing your friend doesn’t go away. How some people cut themselves off to cope and others don’t. How some take out their anger on the closest target. How some people remember the dead one’s birthday and other don’t. etc. etc.

• It really was a slow burn because they like didn’t even kiss until 75% into the 3,000 page book.

• Rhun is my favorite character in this book. He’s a goth softie king. I also loved the Demon Cat. And Fury. And Declan. And Flynn. And Isaiah. And Hunt. And Lele. And the dog. And Jesiba. And Randall. And….well….that’s about it….

• I have recently been getting more and more into Urban Fantasy so I am excited and glad that this book is UF. I also like how it takes place in a different world with a different history (although for some reason I went into this book under the impression it takes place in New Orleans…)

Overall Negatives:

• If I ever have to see the word “alphahole” again it will still be too soon. I get that she was going for meta and trying to poke fun at how the trope in so many UF books includes an alphamale love interest….but it just doesn’t really work because none of the guys she was calling an alphahole was actually acting like one??? Okay so this is kind of ramble-y but whatever. When I think of an alphamale love interest acting like a…*shudders*���. alphahole I think of the stereotypical shifter romance/erotica novel where the guy likes wants to punch any guy who stands too close or talks to his mate. I think of him making outrageous claims, always posting a guard, never letting her leave the house, etc. all without any cause. Having a literal demon serial killer who (at this point in the book) you believe RIPPED APART AN ENTIRE PACK OF WEREWOLVES and is killing everyone who is close to working on the same case as you and you are a half-fae who NEVER carries a weapon with you, doesn’t have magic, and no one beside your mom, stepdad, and dead bestie know that you can turn into a flashlight at will…..yeah it makes sense that the people who care about you would like you to have a guard. But that’s not “alphahole” behavior. Nor is when you’re starving yourself from guilt him being concerned and wanting you to eat, or wanting you to try to take care of yourself….that’s not “alphahole” behavior, it’s being a good friend/sibling. If someone wanted a guard on her PRIOR to her investigating the murder than yeah….that would be “alphahole” 100%. But that’s not what happened…one of the highlights of the book was Hunt calling out Bryce by telling her that she is actually the “alphahole” here.

• Fucking sunball = baseball. WHYYYYYY I thought it was soccer for so long until Hunt tossed on a “sunball cap”

• I thought that Violet Hall from Pucked was the most infuriating main character I have read in a long time until I met Bryce fucking Quinnland. It is a pet peeve of mine when a character acts like someone (usually lazy or a partier) and then gets pissed because people think they are how they act??? Like, if you act like an asshole then don’t be shocked if people think you are an asshole. Also she was someone who was terribly selfish and stupidly reckless for no reason for 99% of the book. Yeah she’s ride or die for her friends which is supposed to be her best quality but she is just terribly rude to so many people. Like take Lele for example. Bryce treated her horribly until Hunt was sold again, then was friends with Lele for like a week which someone equated to Lele being willing to die for her???

• Part two of that bullet above^: Why was everyone willing to die for Bryce? Maybe I hate Bryce because she reminds me too much of Jane Salone from The Bold Type with her ‘I’m always right’ attitude. But yeah, everyone is willing to die for her. I don’t get why though. Also everyone wants to fuck her. She can’t walk down the street without like five dudes wanting to fuck her. It was so annoying. Also how the hell has she not died by age 25!?!? There is a different between being bitchy with your algebra teacher versus being bitchy with some guy who could smite you before you blink. And all of them are like ‘oooh she’s not afraid of me like everyone else how charming’ and I’m just like NO. That’s like if I intentionally pissed off some mafia dom and instead of making an example out of me for dissing him in front of his mafia bros, he’s like ‘oooh you’re sassy wanna fuck?’ MAKES NO SENSE!!!

•Part three of the above^: okay before someone comes at me and says ‘well would you be saying the same things if she was a guy doing an acting this way’ well probably. I love the KATE DANIELS (Magic Bites) series. And Kate is a no-nonsense, can come across rude, and gives zero fucks what anyone else thinks about her. Kind of like Bryce, but less bitchy and has the power and skills to back up her recklessness. (No one around Bryce learns of her secret lightbright gift or of her sharpshooting skills until the very end so I am maintaining my ‘she’s reckless’ viewpoint based on everyone around her not knowing of her abilities when she does all of this dumbshit). Kate also is a fucking martyr who runs towards danger even when the odds are against her. Just like Bryce. But I love Kate and hate Bryce. So…yeah I think it was just a Bryce issue. It took until about 41% with the whole phone-Sandriel thing for me to stop finding her insufferable….but I still never really liked her after that...I could stand her for the occasional paragraph or two

• Speaking of martyrs…why is everyone one in this book!?!? NOT EVERYONE NEEDS TO BE A MARTYR!!!

• Another reason I hate Bryce (yes I’m back on that Bryce shit) is because after Hunt broke her heart he immediate thought upon learning who he was going to be sold (back to his old owner who is a sadistic fuck) her thought was good, he deserves it and all he did was break her heart and not want to be a slave anymore and kept something he knew would destroy you (which yeah, keeping that secret furthered his cause but still…) and I just????? Have???? No words???? Like girl you have a RIGHT to be PISSED but jfc that doesn’t equate to TORTURE.

• Ugh and then her whole ‘take me instead’ bullshit was so reminiscent of that Jules and Emma whipping scene from Lady Midnight I almost gagged for the level of cheese and martyr-syndrome 

• Why is everyone described as “brown,” “golden brown,” or “tan”?! It’s like SJM is trying to not make everyone white but doesn’t want to fully commit…

• And was anyone uncomfortable/cringed at the ‘white angel wings are supreme to any wings with color’ bit....

• I hate books where the werewolves can talk outloud in human form. I cringed.

• Why was the calling people by their last name thing not consistent? I’ve read books before where characters flip between using another character’s first and last name, but there is context behind why they choose one or the other: the professional setting, if the person is happy or upset, who is being addressed, etc. But you’ll get Hunt calling Bryce “Bryce” and “Quinnland” within a sentence of each other? And literally every character did stuff like this. It was weird and not consistent at all.

Negatives About the Plot:

• This book really felt like three books in one: Part One (first 12ish%) being the day leading up to the Pack of Devil’s murder. And I do mean like every boring thing that happened. Part Two (the next 66ish%) being the murder investigation. Part Three (the last 22ish%) being where all the action occurred. The book felt like it couldn’t decide what it wanted to be. The summary promised a murder investigation so I was expecting it to be a KATE DANIELS-esque plot. But nothing of true importance really occurred during that investigation. We got some cool flashbacks with Danika, and some sweet moments between Hunt and Bryce…but that’s it. SJM isn’t Brandon with a Stormlight Archives (The Way of Kings) complicated interwoven plot. I think the book as whole would have been better if it was about 300 pages shorter.

• Nothing in the plot of true importance happened until the last 100 pages or so.

• I mean we literally got every single thing that happened during every single day of their investigation…it was….too much detail.

• When I got to 80% like every other chapter felt like the book should end. It could’ve ended on a cliffhanger. Like right after Hunt was found on that boat. But nope….

• Figures. SJM can’t have a main couple unless they both are super special. Did anyone else feel like she just recycled parts of ACOMAF in this book? Hunt: has wings and super special powers. Bryce: absorbs some super-fae juiced up power from a cauldron—er….I mean arch—to get extra powers and become the most super cool and super special fae in all existence because god forbid we have a heroine who isn’t the most physically powerful person ever. I mean, to hell with mental strength. Must be physically magically powerful or you’re no good!

• The only plot points that surprised me were the hunt being at the drug bust (because we got nothing from his povs that he was remotely interested in going back down that revolution road especially after his whole meeting with Briggs…still iffy with this one, because his thoughts in that cell sound like he actually was on board with it until he called it off because the drug is too dangerous but his call to the viper queen said she owed him a favor so…..) and Micah’s weird horn hard-on. Literally nothing else surprised me...

• I really though Reid would play a bigger role considering Bryce used to date him and is fam is responsible for that drug....but nope. The dude is like never even mentioned.

• Ugh...that villain speech. Maybe I'm just like...what's the point? Why not just zap the bitch why do you need to tell her your life story!?!?!

• Also let's be real, Danika's password never would have been allowed to be that simple nor remain unchanged for 2 years. But whatever.

• It’s also pretty cringe that Bryce freed Lele just for her to die…………..

• Why is Jesiba’s shop impenetrable (the building and cameras) until it’s convenient for it not to be…I mean it sounded like nothing could break into her building or the cameras but then… Micah just easily waltzed in there and Declan easily hacked into the security cameras….makes no sense but okayyyyyyy…..

• ....or about how the dog can teleport and undo locks until once again it's convenient for him not to be able to so she can dramatically save the day (look I also have issues with her valuing her pet's life over Lele's in that scene...also isn't the dog supposed to be like terrifying, it could've fought while her and Lele got out. not really sure how the water which delayed him like two seconds helped more than her dog would've....look, i love pets and i don't want him to die but i don't want Lele to die either!)

• Bryce and Hunt literally never have a talk about everything???? Like I get the world almost ended but neither of them had a thought like I know we need to talk about everything that happened on the boat. About if his love for Shahar trumps his love for me. But that can wait… Because those were all fears she had before but now vanished???? I get not wanted to have verbal talk but a thought from Bryce would’ve been nice.

• How can you run, carry a sword, and shoot a gun all at the same time? Still trying to figure out the logistics of that all....

• Why is SJM's adult book the least smutty thing she has written so far!?!?!?!?

• The love saves everyone and everything line is so fucking cheesy I can’t.

My Overall Feelings:

• The book couldn’t choose a plot. Did it want to be a crime book? Did it want to be ACOMAF? Who the fuck knows.

• This would have worked better as a TV series than a book. Especially that scene where Bryce is trying to save the city and everyone is just watching it happen on the jumbo screen at the summit. In book form it was just….weird….and felt disruptive...and someone could've started flying to help out. Plus I like watching shows with characters like Bryce but hate reading books with characters like her if that makes sense...

• Also if the summit is just between the leaders of CC then why did Sadriel have to be there? Why does it happen only every 10 years? Why does it have to take place outside of the city if no other leaders from other places are present?

• Why don’t we get a map of all of the other countries that were mentioned?

• This book was wayyyyyy too long. It would have been much better if it was reduced to 500ish pages instead.

• Also the character’s flip-flopped with their character development way too much. It wasn’t consistent.

• This is definitely one of the better SJM book’s I’ve read, but it won’t be one that I’ll reread. It is too long with too many boring bits in the middle.

• But hey! If you love SJM then you’ll probably love this book…

Content Warnings and Trigger Warnings: restricted eating, self-harm, drug use, alcohol consumption, implied rape, mentions of abusive relationships, suicidal thoughts, depression, emesis, slavery, terrorist attacks, grief, gun violence, death, murder, violence, torture

View all my reviews

[cutebutstillsingle]

This is HUGE, people.  If you suck at staying in a long-term committed relationship, chances are very high that your parents sucked at it.  Your relatives sucked at it. Your siblings suck at it-- it might be a generational curse because no one was able to model successful and true love for you.  And/or you never learned to wrap your brain around how love actually works using other people as models, or to figure it out from your own lived experiences.  

Questions you can start to ask yourself to find out if this is you... did your parents yell at each other, curse at each other, or argue growing up?  How often did your parents tell you “I love you”?  Did you genuinely feel loved and valued by your parents?  Or is this something you find yourself still questioning to this very day, deep down?  Are there any emotional hang-ups from your childhood that you still “blame” your parents for?  

This was/is fully me.  I’m attempting to heal from it as we speak.  I have read the book “Toxic Parents”.   I am in therapy (my current therapist is a-ma-zing),  and I have done therapy during different seasons of my life, including the use of EMDR for unusual traumas I experienced in my life.  

My parents rarely said ‘I love you’ to me growing up.   Even if they provided for my survival, one of them was emotionally cold and unavailable.  The other had their own very obvious traumas, was an alcoholic, and had severe anger management issues.  Of course my parents are divorced.  Of course they yelled at each other and cursed any time they argued.  I now realize this is hostile, and not okay to do to your partner.  Nor is it an acceptable emotional environment to raise kids in.    

As a result of my own skewed love blueprint, I literally watched myself push away love at age 34, mind you, after a guy finally said “I love you” to me for the very first time in my life.  Not only does this attest to the fact that I attracted man-child dogs my entire adulthood; but it is worth noting that I couldn’t even bring myself to recognize and trust love, if it was in fact real.  

Mind you, me and this boyfriend did not last.  So was the love real?  I genuinely can’t say, knowing what I know now.  But at the time,  my mind and my emotions would waver as soon as I detected any clues whatsoever suggesting that “I was not being loved enough”-- a distortion and hangup from my own childhood where  my parents did not love me sufficient (for more on this, read “Toxic Parents”.  All parents are doing their absolute best to raise kids. But if your parents were not healed from their own personal toxic bullshit, they raise you with that distortion uncontrollably.  If people are not whole, they will not raise whole children).  

 At age 34, I discovered that I still was not “over” my own childhood hurts.  Which is sad and worth  noting in and of itself.  I clearly was not ready to operate in, let alone sustain an adult relationship if I was not ready and able to leave my own childhood behind.  

In the process of breaking up with this guy, not only did I learn that everything I thought I knew about relationships was very distorted, but I also realized that my model of learning to love was  based on conditional love, which is untrustworthy and breeds insecurity.  My brain was looking for signs to prove to myself that I was unlovable and that this love couldn’t possibly be trustworthy.  “if he loved me, then he would/wouldn’t...” , and “why does this dude even love me?”.  Those are the lies of conditional love.  Let’s not even call it love. Let’s call it “conditional affection and conditional positive regard”. Because it is not love. That’s not how actual love works. 

But if you have a distorted love blueprint, and especially if you have your own inner demons to fight, self-love to realize, and past hurts and hangups you need to let go of and heal from, then you cannot possibly be successful in a lasting, mature, adult relationship. The truth is that all people are imperfect and are always likely to disappoint others at some point.  Couples can, will, and should have disagreements.   There will be problems you face individually and as a couple.  There will be things you have to problem-solve together and work through; or seasons you have to stand by your partner’s side while they slay their own dragons.  A lot of our “lists” of what we think we look for in a partner are full of things that don’t actually matter in a true love relationship.  And we tend to  hold potential matches to an unrealistic, god-like standard.  

People stay in love because they choose to create love together and stay in it together, through the ups, the downs, the good, the bad, and the ugly.  THAT is how people last in partnership; alongside amazing, willing, vulnerable, and truthful  communication, lots of willing forgiveness, and other tactical skills that you probably lack if your models for relationship sucked.  

[starfaring-princelotor]

Do you think the only reason why people aren’t critical of VLD Allura is because she doesn’t look like eighties Allura? Because if people are critical of PD from SU then they most certainly should be that way with VLD Allura

I do not know about other people’s reasoning when it comes to being critical of Allura vs 80′s Allura, but I would like to remind people that both PD and Allura are aliens. Anyways, I can tell you my guess about Allura vs PD in this essay. Given, I have not kept up with SU for a while, so most of my knowledge about PD’s actions are based off of the series. I did not see the movie nor anything after that. Consider this a full disclosure that, yes, I am making assumptions from posts I see here.

But here is one reason why I PD gets scrutinized while Allura does not: aftermath. 

When SU started, the war was over, and everyone lives except the martyr. Everything seems fine and dandy, Earth is saved, people are saved, and there is a sort of...post-war catharsis feeling the viewers get when watching the first few episodes. Sure, the gang are doing their duties out of loyalty and honor, even after their leader has died, but it is not until the later episodes where you see the true aftermath of PD’s death rise to surface. And I definitely give props to all the writers and designers who included this tidbit that happily ever after still has its very unhappy moments. 

Honestly? That is more realistic than Voltron’s ending, even though both series had a self-sacrificing martyr at the end.

It has been said many times before, and people even see it in shows like FMA, where being a hero does not always have heroic consequences for others. When people say, “One must fight so that all could be free” they mean ALL and not some. And yet, Voltron tends to push aside how catastrophically bad life would be for the “losing” side while fluffing up everyone else’s life in a utopia-esque “See? Things are better now! No more bad ever happened again. :)” haze. 

But of course. Yes, you see blips of the good, but where is the real good? By this, I mean what about the “bad” guys’ ending? 

The SU series showed the Diamonds that what they did was wrong and has heavily affected others. Not only that, but they are also brought to Earth to see for themselves how bad it was and how their willingness to change and understand and help is a progressive step to save people. If the Diamonds were killed at the end of the series, well, how can they help people they hurt? Simple: they can not. 

Versus Allura, who dies at the very end with Honerva, they go to space heaven where everything is peachy for them and they no longer have to do anything about the mess they left behind because, guess what? They are dead. Their worries are over. Their last moments of life was a self-delusion that they did the right thing, especially Allura. She fought and sacrificed more than anyone else, so she knows deep in her heart that her last act of heroism is the key to peace in the universe and that anything afterwards, well, there will not be anymore problems.

In reality, that is not true, as you can see with PD’s death and how the CG are all very much flawed and suffering and lost on what to do next. 

Again, just because Voltron’s ending had clips of a better life for a selective few (I still have big fat fucking issues with Keith doing Peace Corps with an Empire he has no understanding over) does not mean that is how it turned out for everyone. 

And that is what SU did well where Voltron dropped the ball. SU started as 

>post-war

> well, things are not actually as good as it should be 

> fix those problems through personal struggles and coming to terms that martyrdom does not equate a perfect ending 

> let us help those who suffered, are still suffering, and will most likely keep suffering because of war 

> visually see the aftermath and never sugar-coat the solution as “See? All I needed to do was die!”

SU took the wheel and actually showed the reality of stress post-war, more real than Voltron could ever amount up to. Shiro got married, the Paladins are still friends, and a nearly extinct species came back flourishing. All great, but what about Those Evil Galran? Did they all get locked up or did they just instantly turn good? What about the quintessence issue? Did Allura’s death suddenly give everyone in the universe enough of it to live together happily? And what about the truth behind my execution over a silly little assumption? Was that justified or did I suffer from an incompetent leader’s ability to, well, lead.

I can spit out parallels where heroes follow orders blindly versus heroes who know between right and wrong all day between Voltron and SU. Lapis being stuck in the mirror and imprisoned when “You three knew I was in there!” is one instance I remember that really showed the heroes’ flaw. I believe when Lapis was revealed to be in the mirror, all three of them wanted to keep her locked away from Steven (”It shouldn’t be talking, it should only be taking orders”, “Yeah, let’s bubble it!”, “It’s just a tool! It can’t want anything!”) 

Which, if I vaguely recall, Lapis was seen as the enemy way back then? So, the CG just assumed so and kept her out of sight until she could be useful again without properly doing their research AKA just talking to her. 

Reminds me of when the Paladin’s imprisoned Sendak, used him for untested experimental memory-probing, then jettisoned him into space after he supposedly mind-fucked with them back. But, yes, he did bad things, he killed under Zarkon’s regime, and was actually one of the main villains at the beginning of the series. And because of this, it only makes sense that Allura and the Paladins get to choose what to do with him. 

Wrong. That is very, very wrong.

Sure, Lapis was innocent whereas Sendak has committed crimes (though, based on what I have seen, I am more likely to think Sendak was groomed to be a dog of war, which does not excuse him from imprisonment, but it does excuse improper treatment during imprisonment), yet SU showed that the CG did Lapis wrong whereas Allura and the Paladins are praised for their actions against Sendak after he was pretty much forced into a coma. 

SU judged Lapis, then learned that they were wrong in doing so when shown more information about the truth. Voltron judged Sendak wrong without any information other than one personal experience and a spiteful princess, then they give themselves a pat on the back for it while mistreating their captive. You can even compare Sendak to Jasper if you really want to go into it, but even Jasper was treated better by the CG than Sendak was by Allura and the Paladins.

And this is why I am critical of PD and Allura. Both of them died, both of them left unresolved problems and even bigger future issues on other people’s shoulders, and yet Allura is the only one who gets a pass for it? No. She fucked up just as bad, maybe even worse, than PD, but being critical of Allura is less common because viewers are shown a happy ending at the end of the war. SU does not and SU really had more balls than Voltron in that sense. 

TLDR; SU series shows the heroes face the consequences of their actions and their deceased leader’s actions. Voltron series sweeps it all under the rug and glorifies the careless martyr in an unfulfilling 2 minute montage. 

[woolishlygrim]

Winter Weebwatch #5

After last week’s surprisingly bad bunch of episodes, this week’s episodes are surprisingly good! There was also no Darwin’s Game this week, probably because it got pre-empted by a sporting event, but to be honest, I don’t think anybody was especially crying out for another three paragraphs of me struggling to remember what happened in it.

Also, there is a huge trigger warning for discussions of suicide, both in fiction and in real life on this post, specifically in the ID: Invaded review.

In/Spectre

★★★★☆

So, this episode was cruising along for an easy three stars for most of its runtime. Continuing on the Steel Girder Nanase storyline, the episode sees Kotoko and Saki simultaneously deciding to hate each other and deciding that they need to work together to decipher the truth behind Steel Girder Nanase, who they believe to be the ghost of an idol, Haruka Nanase, who was accused of murder and subsequently was found crushed by a steel girder, her face unrecognisable and even her teeth unidentifiable, the body only identified by virtue of carrying Nanase’s identification.

… Just so we’re all absolutely on the same page here, next episode is definitely going to reveal that Nanase murdered someone else to fake her own death, and that Steel Girder Nanase is actually some poor woman who was her victim, right? Right.

But anyway, this episode settles into a nice, consistent tone, sets up a fun and legitimately intriguing supernatural mystery, and seems all set to make its way to a satisfactory conclusion in one or two episodes, probably.

What elevates it to four stars, though? The fairly throwaway joke in which a fully animated opening sequence for a completely fictional magical girl show, complete with an original and fully vocalised song, plays, and ruthlessly satirises the far-right, taking shots at capitalism, militarism, and the police and justice system.

It’s a joke that doesn’t fit the tone of the rest of the series at all, but it’s so unapologetically vicious while also making me laugh out loud that I had to add an extra star for it. I just had to.

ID: Invaded.

★★★★★

Honestly, I wavered on whether this should be a four star or a five star. If I could do half stars, it’d be four and a half, but I think it edges out five.

This episode switches gears a little. With the Gravedigger killed, and the woman who was manipulating him into his murders arrested, Sakaido dives into the woman’s mental world, hoping to figure out exactly what caused her to turn to murder, and why murder in such a specific, gruesome, and sadistic way.

And he fails completely.

The story tempts us with just enough information that we can start forming the half-baked foundations of a hypothesis, but not enough that we can actually form any kind of cohesive theory. We see in the woman’s mental world that she is stuck as a child, endlessly riding a train that’s going in circles, each loop having it cross the train crossing where her mother committed suicide. We see that her victims are gathered at said crossing, waiting patiently to cross. And we see that her accomplice, the man she had killing for her, is present on the train as well, as a young boy very far removed from the blank, not-all-there man we’ve seen up to that point. We see Kaeru, usually representing the murder victims, in this mental world is presented as a suicide victim, having removed her shoes and asked the woman to wipe off her wounds before expiring in a seat at the end of the train.

But we never get enough to build any kind of meaning out of it. The show deliberately withholds closure from us, mirroring the woman’s lack of closure over her mother’s suicide (why did she decide to do it, and why do it by throwing herself in front of a train she knew her daughter was riding?), telling us that we will only ever have a handful of puzzle pieces and no way to piece them together.

I admit, that affected me pretty deeply. As someone who obsesses over puzzles and especially over the whys and wherefores of why people do things, whose lowered empathy response means that figuring people out is often a maddening struggle, the show presenting a puzzle that can’t be solved is infuriating. But more than that, as someone who has had a friend commit suicide, leaving no note and providing almost no indication beforehand that he was going to, I’m familiar with the bewilderment that can follow something like that, the attempts to piece together a cause-and-effect that makes sense.

This episode kind of got to me. I’m not sure I liked that it did.

‘Not having enough information’ is the running theme of this episode, anyhow, as the rest of the investigation team takes some time to discuss the recurring appearance of John Walker, a mysterious man in a red frockcoat who has appeared in five separate killers’ mental worlds (and who appears also in the woman’s, as a reflection in the train window). As they talk, they realise all they know is a baffling mess of contradictions about him: Nobody has ever seen him in real life, and yet the fact that five different people dreamed him up wearing the same bright red coat means he must be going around wearing what is basically American War of Independence cosplay; there seems to be no single link between the killers who have him in their mental worlds, and yet there are strange coincidental links; none of the killers remember who he is, but all of them have extremely strong recollections of him.

The end of the episode pulls another gutpunch on us, as Hondomachi, having killed the Gravedigger in seeming self defence earlier in the episode, finally gets her wish to be trained to dive into people’s mental worlds -- only for Hayaseura, her boss and the man who recommended her, to tell her that it’s not enough to have just killed, you have to be a serial killer, something he knows that she is. While we obviously saw her murder someone (by provoking them into attacking her and then framing it as self-defense) earlier in this episode, Hayaseura also points out something that I’d dismissed at the time and completely forgotten about: That in the very first episode, before Hondomachi was kidnapped by the Perforator, she was alone with one of his victims in the basement, and when we next saw him he was dead, even though the Perforator couldn’t have killed him.

That’s … actually some really solid writing. I hadn’t even realised on my first watch that the guy couldn’t have been killed by the Perforator.

Pet.

★★★★☆

I feel like I haven’t given this series enough credit for how surprisingly vicious it is. The first episode sets us up to think that Tsukasa and Hiroki’s friendship is pretty cute, and the second episode clues us in to the fact that they’re (quasi-?)romantically involved and sets up a clearly unhealthy but quite sweet all the same romance where you think that, hey, they’re screwed up people but they clearly love each other. It isn’t until the third episode that the rug gets pulled out from under you, with the reveal that Tsukasa is actually quite abusive, and this episode pulls the rug straight out from under us again.

It follows two plot threads. The first one is a milder one, with Satoru meeting the niece of the mysterious Company’s CEO, who exposits at him a little about how the Company was founded and some of the strifes that have led it to its current state of disarray -- namely that the qigong masters who created the psychic techniques the Company uses (just … roll with it) all simultaneously betrayed the CEO and were killed for it, leaving the Company with only one person who can pass on those teachings: Hayashi.

The second plot thread sees Tsukasa and Hayashi playing mind games with each other, with Tsukasa first trying to persuade Hayashi to return to the Company, before Hayashi tries to psychically rewrite Tsukasa’s memories, only for Tsukasa to rebuff him and for the two to end up in a psychic battle where they both try to repel the other one’s attempts to alter their memories.

It’s in this second plot thread that we learn all about Tsukasa’s many issues: Like Satoru, he is most definitely in love with Hayashi, and like Satoru, those feelings clearly aren’t reciprocated. Unlike Satoru, however, Hayashi doesn’t even seem to have filial feelings for Tsukasa, and we learn that when he started teaching Satoru, the Company told him that he couldn’t act as mentor for two people and had to choose one. He picked Satoru with what seems like startling ease, effectively abandoning Tsukasa.

There are allusions, as well, to the idea that Hayashi kept using Tsukasa even after that abandonment, entreating him to infiltrate the Company on his behalf and keep Satoru safe. Tsukasa’s … not happy about this at all, and also, as becomes swiftly apparent throughout the episode, more than a little unhinged.

As the episode ends, Tsukasa and Hayashi are ramping up their psychic battle, with Tsukasa informing Hayashi that he’s learned some tricks off Hiroki, so we’ll see where that one goes.

Infinite Dendrogram.

★★☆☆☆

More and more, it feels like this show is falling into a rut, and that’s honestly a huge shame.

There’s just no forward momentum to it. Things happen, but there’s no sense of motion, no sense of things winding towards a conclusion, either on an arc level or a series level, and yet at the same time it’s not fast and snappy enough to be a truly episodic series like, say, Kekkai Sensen.

So, this week’s episode sees Ray, now cursed with dog ears (for reasons which are not plot relevant, but I mean, it’s fine), teaming up with a new character, Hugo, a Dryfe Master whose job is essentially that he’s a giant mecha pilot, as the two attempt to tackle a base of bandits who have been kidnapping children.

The show tries very hard to set the bandits up as absolute monsters, and to sell us on Ray’s rage, but it kind of lacks the elements necessary to make an impact. The huge emotional moment where Ray sees that some of the children have been turned into undead is weakened by the fact that the cinematography is bog-standard, the animation direction for the scene is uninteresting, and the music is unremarkable. Even Ray’s reaction is strangely muted, with some anger but no real horror or anything like that, and not even a quiet fury so much as just moderate amounts of rage.

There are hints of a broader plot involving Dryfe, though (which we know from an earlier episode is prepping to invade), with Hugo making remarks that he can’t use his Embryo yet, because keeping it secret is part of some plan.

He does, eventually, use it anyway, and relatively without fanfare at that.

[qhostqizmo]

The Power of Suggestion

Heeheehee I finally wrote this idea after 5k years and it’s even more ridiculous than I envisioned I love it.

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Keeping her feelings a secret was one of the hardest things Essätha felt she’d ever done. Holding her tongue; swallowing her words, choking on a fantasy that at times she could almost believe to be real rattled her. No, it shook her. It was the first distinct sensation she felt that made her as petrified in equal levels as overjoyed. Truthfully, she always wanted a place to call home… she just never expected the impression to come from someone’s arms, and not from some residence of her own choosing.

Even now, it was a raging fight inside of her just to think of him. To look at him. No matter how many times she argued with herself, and tried to convince herself that there was absolutely positively no way in heaven, hell, or earth she could possibly love Lord Amon Thomas Illiad… The truth was he had already unknowingly stolen her heart.

She was either going to get it back in tattered pieces, or not at all.

She prayed the former, but in the warmest light; and not the heartbreak of being unable to love another again for the rest of her days.

It was almost aggravating, watching the nobleman. Why him? She’d met and been with all sorts of other people; had even had a few fancy flings where some dimwitted infatuated individual would claim to her she was the one for them… And she loved the impossible. Her hands itched for the out of reach, and out of bounds.

Just look at him, she berated her heart. He’s accomplished nobility. He’s ruggedly handsome, and clever, and strong, and creative. He dabbles in alchemy and science, and you’d chase bugs and snakes all day like an airhead, given the chance. He’s sensitive, and gentle, and considerate and you’re only as patient as your roots to the ground. That man could have offer his heart to anybody, why would he offer it to someone as plain and uninteresting as you when he’s… extraordinary.

Okay, maybe he enjoyed her company, but he didn’t love her. They were friends; great friends, almost the best of friends she’d dare to say, and nothing more. He trusted her with his past, his confessions, his vulnerabilities; but also with his happiness, his curious trial and error of the world, his jokes. Together they had built a solid foundation of mutual confidence in each other. He knew there was always a place for him beside her, or in her arms, and she felt safe enough to come crawling to him even when she felt ugly and pathetic and the back of her mind still told her to flee.

Having a friend was plenty. Having him in her life in any way she could, was enough.

Why did her stupid heart have to get in the way and ruin it?

It painted her pictures of his fingers intertwined with hers, and of his smile, and those were some of the tamest longings she had. Sometimes it woke her at night, the smell of dog and leather and deep woodlands and rose, and her mind started racing as fast as her pulse. Whispered dreams still clouded her thoughts then. Ideas of this moment never-ending; of just waking in his bed all the time, every day; his eyes lingering on her, of his hands against her, and then his mouth-

And by then she was usually too flushed and humiliated and ashamed with herself to breathe let alone let a single word of how she felt slip out.

They could stay friends. Essie could keep her mouth shut. It would hurt a bit, but she would get used to it. No strings attached, she could go where she pleased still. No commitment, no expectations…

Gods, her heartbeat stutted. What if with him is the only place she wanted to be?

She was in trouble. Deep, deep trouble.

Frustrated, she lifted her fist to slam it down upon the wooden cart. It startled the warlock beside her to awareness from his trance, and he immediately started to grumble to himself.

“The hell is your problem?”

“Everything!” She exasperated, pouting.

“Okay…” Penimra drawled out, looking at her with a side-glance that said ‘she’s lost her mind’.

Exhaling out raggedly, Essie placed her face in her hands. Curls of her hair were smothered against her face, and she annoyingly dropped her hands back into her lap.

“Pen I… I have a bit of a personal question for you.”

“Oh shit, personal questions aren’t really my thing. Maybe you should ask Abe-” his breath hitched- “…Adela.”

Doing her best to ignore the high-elf’s stumble over their former Paladin’s name, she twiddled her thumbs together and nibbled on her lower lip. Her eyes moved towards the hauntingly creepy bird-like beak of the man beside her. It took a considerate amount of strength not to ogle the one she really wanted to look at some yards away, speaking with Sulhadur.

“What was it like for you, being in love?”

The cursed noble elf looked shocked, and then sour, and then sad. He whipped his head away, turning his elongated nose up. No amount of snobbery could hide the hurt in his voice, however.

“I thought it was fantastic, until I realized it was a lie. Love is rarely real and true, or as dramatized as all those little plays and books make it out to be.”

“Oh.”

“… Why do you ask?” the warlock begrudgingly inquired after a few awkwardly silent seconds.

She shrugged mutely, looking back down at her hands.

Penimra remained silent for a blessed few more moments. Then, he scoffed.

“Why don’t you just tell Amon how you feel? You’ll save us all from your moping.”

Essätha’s jaw hit the floor.

“Are you serious? I can’t just- just walk up and tell him!”

“Well humans haven’t adapted the ability to read minds, so good luck with ever making it to first base.”

“Why did I ever think I could ask you anything,” she grumbled, crossing her arms.

“Because we have no dad to go to,” he sulked in answer, lowering his head.

Now who was moping?

Sighing, Essie propped her elbow up on the side of the wagon, staring hopelessly at her nobleman. If only she had the courage to tell him. Maybe she’d consider asking Adela, if the sorceress hadn’t previously held such an ugly grudge against Amon; or had such a snarky, almost degrading way of speaking to her. Abernathy would probably have a good suggestion…

Suggestion!

Perfect; that’s just what I need!

“What’s perfect?”

Oh, she’d said that aloud. Whoopsie. No matter, she thought eagerly, beaming and brimming at the edges, about to burst. She would need him anyway.

“Pen, cast Suggestion on me!”

The elf cocked an eyebrow, resting a hand upon the golden nipple-chain lying across his tummy. “Why should I do that?”

“You could order me to tell Amon how I really feel!” she squealed eagerly, leaning towards the elf with sparkly eyes. “Pleeeaasseee?”

“I don’t know; I don’t like telling people what to do…”

She deadpanned at him.

“Okay okay- but what do I get out of it?” the warlock inquired with snob, flinging his voluminous golden hair around with a twirl of his finger.

“I’ll leave you the hell alone,” the Yuan-Ti replied simply.

Pen’s eyes widened to delighted saucers, and his creepy beak seemed to appear to grow a smug grin. “Done. Now, sit still, and don’t reject the magic…”

Closing her eyes, Essie breathed out deeply. She let her guard down. A shiver of anticipation moved over her spine as Pen waved his hand in the air, and garbled an incantation that sounded frightening and inhuman. She could feel tingles in her fingertips, and to the roots of her hair.

“There,” the elf sighed, “now off with you, you’re ruining my beauty rest.”

Blinking slowly, the sorceress’ looked around. She didn’t feel any different. There was no sudden urge, no draw, no deep and unforeseen need to complete anything… She felt nothing. Nothing unusual, nothing out of the ordinary.

Essätha turned her head to look towards the nobleman, and lost her breath. Her pulse quickened. Her body almost shuddered with yearning.

Now she felt it.

Climbing out of the cart, she buzzed straight past Ravamora. The short wood-elf glanced towards her skeptically. There was a pep in her step; a charge around her that drew the rogue’s gaze. Was it from the spell? Who knew. She felt excited, and scared, but unable to refrain herself. The enchantment had a snare on her, and even if she was terrified, there was no stopping it now. One way or another, she was going to have her answer.

Her footsteps felt heavier as she approached the crimson Dragonborn paladin, and the warrior that cradled her heart. The former didn’t notice her approach, but Amon certainly did. He perked up, his head swiveling to her. The darkness of his eyes held a little twinkling light in them as he smiled at her. Especially for her.

She could melt right then and there.

“Everything alright, Essie?”

Gods, he had such a lovely tone in his voice. He had his own force of casting, but it felt like the spells only worked on her. She swayed a bit, rocking her heels into the dirt while wearing a timid smile.

“Yes,” she squeaked, her voice cracking. Very confident.

Puzzled, the nobleman calculated her expression. Whatever he found seemed to be enough for him; the slight creases of worry that etched around his eyes instantly vanished. He offered her his hand; the most natural reaction in the world. She accepted, stepping in closer. Unnecessarily closer.

Was it just her imagination, or did his breath just catch, too?

“Oh, hey Essie,” Sulhadur chimed in, looking up from the stake he’d planted in the ground to secure the first tent. A toothy grin spread across his muzzle, and a small curl of smoke as he chuckled wisped up from his nostrils as he inquired, “Were you hoping to join us in pitching tents?”

“I would not,” she laughed, offering out her free arm to flex. “Still don’t have your muscles, I’m afraid. If you really wanted someone to supervise, though…”

“That’s okay, we’ve got this, then.”

It’s now or never, idiot.

Stalling, she chewed her lower lip. Breathe in, and breathe out.

“Actually, Sulhadur,” she drew out, slowly, capturing their golden eyes before the Dragonborn could turn fully away from her, “Could you… help Pri’cha with the fire?”

The lie stumbled out, unconvincing. Less convincing still, as the Paladin craned his head to look over her, to where the Thri-Kreen cleric was neatly stacking wood.

“You want me… To help our cleric of Pelor… Who has all the means to light their candles, and summon fire, with… making a fire?”

Even Amon gave her an odd look. She tried not to sweat, or squirm too much.

“Yes!”

“… Alright,” Sulhadur agreed, heaving a grumbling sigh. He nodded to the nobleman, muttering, “I’ll be back to help with the rest in a moment.”

Amon nodded, saying nothing. His eyes trailed the red Dragonborn until he was well out of earshot, and then he turned his confused gaze back unto her.

“What was that about? Why do you want me alone?”

Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no oh no-

Breathing in sharply, Amon placed a hand to her waist. It sent spiraling waves of heat blooming through the fabric of her clothes, into her skin.

“Essätha, you’re shaking!”

This was stupid! She couldn’t just tell him! She couldn’t just shout it out of nowhere!

The concern in Lord Amon’s deep blue eyes made her stomach flip, and do somersaults. He held her gaze steady, like the rest of her. The anchor of his hand to his side, and their laced-together fingers kept her warm. His small, worried smile creeping up his lips kept her face warm in turn. Everything about him was always so grand and wonderful; his inky black hair, his sculpted figure, his chiseled face, and he was so close, now. The smell of his cologne was a bit faded compared to the aroma of sweat from many days hard work with few opportunities to do more then wash up with waterskins and stream-water, but he was still the most gorgeous man she’d ever laid eyes on.

“Is everything okay?” he ushered; gentle, compelling.

He was adorable and so gentlemanly, heavens above. Essie tightened her grip on his hand, holding it close to her face. She sighed, sweet and soft, while resting her cheek against the back of his hand.

Amon’s lips parted. He seemed like he was having almost as much trouble breathing as she felt she was. Suddenly, she found her smile. She wore it timidly, but not without pride, and not without a flicker of reverence.

“I’m going to tell you something crazy, and… I don’t want you to run from me, when I say it.”

“Okay,” the nobleman exhaled raggedly. He squeezed her hand tighter, his boots shuffling closer. “I’m not going anywhere.”

He was close enough that if she wanted to, she could easily lean in to kiss him without losing her balance. It made her dizzy; almost as much as his eyes did. She was falling, sinking, and there was no coming out of it. The darkness swallowed her whole.

She swallowed her nerves down. The tingling sensation of the power of the Suggestion was gnawing at her, now. It was stronger, now. Biting at her. Clawing. Ripping at her chest, her throat. The words wanted to escape her unconsciously. If it were possible to rip out a beating heart and hand it over as an expression of love, and not die, she’d probably do that, right now. But this was going to be almost as close a reference to that.

“I’m in love with you.”

The expecting, questioning expression the Briarton Protector wore suddenly diminished. His hand clasped so tightly to her, she feared what it meant. With his eyes wide, and his mouth hanging open, he stared at her with an increasing shade of pink turning red on his face.

Had he forgotten how to breathe?

As the power of the spell left her body, numb and cold, Essie tried to explain herself in quick, nervous rambling: “I’m sorry this- this isn’t what you expected. I- I understand you’re probably shocked. I didn’t want to tell you, but I was having trouble moving forward, or focusing without telling you. I thought that m-maybe if I told you…” She gasped, strangling for air before continuing, “If- If you don’t return the feeling at-… At least I would get s-some… some closure. That I could move on…”

Still speechless, he made no response as she reached for him, lightly cupping the side of his face. The nobleman did not flinch, but nor did he come closer. He was like marble; a statue to her touch.

“I’m… I’m so sorry if telling you has… has ruined your impression of me… I… I just hope we can still be friends. I hope you can still trust me, as your friend. I love you, m’lord Amon, but that doesn’t mean-”

“Stop talking.”

“What? Why? I want you to understand-”

“Essätha,” Amon rasped, squeezing her hand firmly. “I don’t want you to apologize. I don’t want you to regret loving me, or telling me you love me.”

Stunned, the lonely woman tried to absorb his words… Where was he going with this?

Pulling their interlocked hands away from her face, Amon loosened his grip on hers. The detachment burned, but not for long. He pressed her, palm up, to his chest. She gasped, feeling the thunder of his racing heartbeat beneath her fingertips.

“Feel that?”

She nodded slowly, her eyes lost in his.

“That’s how I feel, every day, looking at you,” Amon whispered.

Her mouth suddenly fell open in a long, shaky exhale.

Oh…

Oh.

Oh?

Voice straining thickly, the nobleman rasped through his chuckling, “And all this time, here I thought there was no way you could… that you’d possibly…”

He let go of her hand, allowing it to remain pressed to his chest. He slid his palm in a scorching line from her waist, around to her lower back, bringing her in closer.

If she was breathless a second ago, she was absolutely winded now. All she was aware of was her pulse, running a crazy triathlon, and Amon’s beneath her palm.

He cupped her chin, encouraging her to tilt her head back.

So close. So close oh Gods she couldn’t breathe, all there was was him and his smile and his eyes upon her-

“May I kiss you, Essätha Meduza?” he inquired, his voice a hoarse whisper.

This was utterly, completely, totally surreal. It was like dreaming, but she was wide awake, and he was right there in front of her, and she was in his arms…

“Yes.”

The brush of his beard was a bit ticklish, but his lips were soft, and incredibly patient. It was barely a layer above being chaste, but it was incredibly tender, devoted, and affectionate.

“Wow…” she breathed; finally breathed, feeling a strange buzz as though drunk, or high, or all of those things and more.

The corner of his mouth pulled up into a quirky, somewhat shy smile. He laughed softly once more, the warm of his laughter billowing over her and making her shiver.

“I love you, too, Essie.”

“Really?”

Faint, hopeful. Let this not be a dream, let this not be a dream…

“Yes,” Amon breathed, nuzzling his nose to hers intimately. He held her tighter; pulling her firmly to her chest so that her hand had no where to go but to his shoulder for support. “With all my heart, yes.”

And she’d thought…

Biting her lower lip, her gaze flickered away from the intensity of his eyes, and back again. He was still looking to her as though she put all the stars in the sky.

Wow.

Diving her fingers into the depths of his hair, Essätha cradled the back of his head; urging him closer as she pressed her lips to his in a far deeper, more passionate kiss. They parted with her shaky gasp, and Amon’s heavy, panting breathing.

“Maybe I should have said something months ago.”

Amon swore in elvish quietly. “Or maybe I should have.”

She offered a nervous grin to his cheeky one.

“Uh… Are you two just going to make-out over here or…”

Adela’s intruding voice had them scrambling apart, both covered in an equally dark shade of scarlet.

The tiefling shook her head at them, sighing. She muttered something beneath her breath, stepping away with a swish of her tail.

Not daring to meet the look of forever dancing in the want of his eyes, Essie opted to looking at the grass instead. Her gaze met his hand though, as he reached to hold hers in a gentle grip.

“… We’ll talk later,” he suggested, his voice still light and airy; as though living in his own dream.

She raised her eyes to meet his. Her lips parted again, nodding stupidly.

Amon appeared fixated on her once more. He leaned in, his eyes going half-mast.

“Amon, why don’t you actually help finish pitching the tents before it’s hellishly dark out.”

Swearing softly in elvish, he tore his gaze away. Essie was left gaping after him like a fish out of water as he almost stomped past Adela, who was wearing an amused smile as he went to join Sul.

Slowly, Essie raised her fingertips to press to her lips.

Oh dear Gods.

Oh Gods.

Had that just happened? Had he really just kissed her?

Wearing a giddy, elated grin, she let out a shrill squeal, throwing her fists up in the air. She caught both Adela and Ravamora’s wandering eye as she stopped hopping up and down. The former slapped a hand over her face, and Rava just looked disinterested.

Royally flush and embarrassed, she turned to look hopefully to where Amon was. He was gazing at her with the goofiest, fondest grin. Luckily, Sul had apparently tasked him with the deity of holding the spike steady for him to puncture it in the ground the first few hits, otherwise she felt he’d be really doing nothing at all. Pri had taken it upon themselves at this point to join them, too; the fire now roaring, the follow of Pelor was placing a spike nearby in with one hand, holding the hammer in the other.

Bouncing on her heels, Essie skipped a few steps, and then raced the remaining distance towards the wagon. She lunged against it, causing a bruising pain to her abdomen as she half ran into it, half scrambled on board as Penimra was once more awoken from his meditation with a squawk.

“ACK! What do you want, you hellish harpy of a woman?!”

“I did it, Pen! The spell worked; your Suggestion worked! I told him, and he recuperated, and it worked! Thank you!” She grinned from ear to ear, nearly feeling like her face would split in too. The smile hurt so much, her eyes teared up.

The high-elf looked her up and down. Drawling out a loud ‘pssh’, he flung his hand absently in the air, as if warding her off. They leaned back once more, throwing another arm dramatically over their eyes to block the fading sunlight.

“I don’t even know the spell, Essätha. I never cast Suggestion upon you. You needed some incentive, and you worked up the courage yourself to do it. Yay you,” he finished, sarcastically.

Her expression went entirely blank. “Penimra, I’m going to…”

“Thank me, again? Worship me? I know, I’m such a giver-”

“Strangle you, you little bastard! How dare you; you could have told me you didn’t know the spell!”

They shrugged. “This was much faster, and easier. You’re welcome.”

Her cheeks swollen with air, and bright red, she dove for the high-elf in fit of hisses and screeching.

Sulhadur, meanwhile, looking up from his work to wipe his brow, and look over at the cart being thrown from side to side as the twosome threw weak, flailing limbs and spat venomous threats at each other.

“Should we stop them…?”

Adela rested her shoulder on the Dragonborn’s head, shaking her head with a sigh.

“Nah, let them hash it out their own way.”