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strangevynl · 3 months ago

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NOTICE | k.sm x reader

nerdyboycrush!seungmin x bsf!reader

warnings: eating disorders | anorexia | angst | one sided love.

—————

Seungmin was the epitome of "cool," though not in the traditional sense. He wasn't the jock, nor the rebellious bad boy, but there was something magnetic about him. With his glasses perched perfectly on his nose, messy but somehow deliberate hair, and sharp wit, Seungmin had the rare ability to be both the smartest kid in class and the one everyone wanted to be around. It didn’t hurt that his quiet demeanor gave him an air of mystery that only added to his allure.

Everyone knew Seungmin, and, naturally, everyone had a crush on him. Girls from every corner of the school would flock to him, hoping for his attention. Some flirted, others tried to offer help with his studies, but Seungmin’s eyes—those expressive brown eyes—always seemed to drift toward someone else.

And that someone else was “you.”

You had been best friends with Seungmin since middle school, and somehow, over the years, your friendship had deepened. He was the person you could laugh with, vent to, or simply sit in comfortable silence with. Yet, no matter how long you had known him, no matter how often you walked beside him between classes, he never seemed to see you the way everyone else did. He saw you as his best friend. His "just friend."

Meanwhile, every girl in school—whether it was the popular cheerleader, the shy new transfer student, or the class president—would make it a point to talk to Seungmin. They’d ask him questions about assignments, casually compliment him, or simply drop by his locker to chat. You couldn’t help but notice how his face would light up when they spoke to him. He was always so kind to them, so patient, so *interested.* And no matter how much you told yourself you were happy just being his friend, it stung every single time.

One day, as the two of you sat under the big oak tree in the school courtyard during lunch, a girl from your class—Hannah, who was known for having a sharp eye for cute boys—walked up to Seungmin. She had a flirty smile on her face and, without skipping a beat, leaned over to say something that made Seungmin laugh.

You sat there, pretending not to notice the slight tightening in your chest. You focused on your half-eaten sandwich, not wanting to give away how affected you were. But as you took a bite, you couldn’t help but glance up at Seungmin.

And, of course, his eyes were on her. He was looking at Hannah like she was the only person in the world, his smile widening as she said something else. You could almost hear the unspoken words in his expression, his interest in her so obvious it made your heart ache. For a brief second, his eyes flickered to you, but it was just a glance, a fleeting moment before his attention returned to Hannah.

You looked down at your hands, willing the heat that had rushed to your cheeks to subside. “It’s fine,”you told yourself. “You’re his best friend, and that's enough.”

But deep down, it wasn’t enough.

🎐…..

A week later, you were walking to your next class when you bumped into him in the hallway. Seungmin’s eyes widened in surprise, and he quickly adjusted his backpack strap, offering you a sheepish smile.

“Oh, hey, I didn’t see you there,” he said, his voice warm and familiar, just like it always was.

You managed a tight smile, trying to act like you weren’t just thinking about his constant attention toward other girls. “Hey,” you replied, glancing up at him.

“Hey, are you alright? You look a little… distracted,” he said, his brow furrowing in concern. You could tell he was genuine, but you also knew he didn’t understand what you were feeling. He never did.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you said quickly, shaking it off. “Just… thinking about stuff. You know how it is.”

Seungmin nodded, oblivious to the weight of the unspoken words between you. "Right, right. So, I was wondering if you wanted to study together later? I’m trying to get ahead in physics. I know you’re like, the best at it.”

You hesitated. The offer made your chest swell with warmth because, for a moment, it felt like you weren’t just his "friend"—you were something more. “But am I?”you thought, shaking the doubt out of your head.

"Yeah, that sounds good," you said, your voice steady despite the storm of emotions in your chest. "I’ll meet you at your place after school.

As Seungmin gave you one of his genuine, effortless smiles, you tried to ignore the ache inside. You were his best friend, and you’d always be there for him. But sometimes, just sometimes, you wished that the way he looked at you could be the same way he looked at everyone else.

The study session later that day was almost painfully normal. You sat next to Seungmin at his desk, working through problems in physics like you always did. But this time, you couldn’t stop thinking about the way his eyes lit up whenever another girl walked into the room. His smile was easy, effortless. His attention was easy to earn, if you were a little more than just a friend.

By the end of the session, as you packed up your things, you felt a knot in your stomach. Seungmin didn’t notice, of course. He never did. He was too busy asking if you wanted to grab a snack or if you were free for a movie on the weekend.

But as he smiled at you, a little too wide this time, a quiet voice whispered in your heart: “Maybe this time, he’ll see you differently. Maybe, just maybe, one day, he will.”

But until then, you’d be right by his side, even if he couldn’t see the feelings you kept hidden behind the smile.

🎐….

Days turned into weeks, and your growing distance from Seungmin became more apparent, even to you. You didn’t spend as much time with him after school, no more study sessions or spontaneous trips to the convenience store. He tried to reach out a few times, but you brushed him off with excuses. “I’m tired,” you’d say. “I have a lot of homework.” It wasn’t like you were lying; it was just that the homework had become the perfect excuse to hide from him, to hide from everything.

You felt safer alone in your room, away from the world that reminded you of everything you weren’t.

The weight loss continued, and soon your clothes hung loosely from your frame, the reflection in the mirror becoming harder and harder to recognize. Your ribs were more pronounced now, your arms thinner, your face sharper. For a fleeting moment, you thought you might actually be happy with the changes. Maybe if you could just get thinner, *prettier,* then maybe—just maybe—someone like Seungmin would finally look at you the way you’d always hoped.

But deep down, you knew the truth. It wasn’t just about your body it was about the part of you that had been slowly fading away, trying to fit into a mold you were never meant to. You’d been chasing something you’d never get, and each pound you lost felt like a part of your soul slipping away with it.

🎐….

One afternoon, while sitting alone at lunch in the library, you heard footsteps approaching. Your heart sank when you looked up and saw Seungmin standing there, his gaze soft but filled with something you couldn’t quite place. You hadn’t seen him in a while, and he seemed different somehow—distant, like he wasn’t sure how to approach you anymore.

“Hey,” he said, his voice tentative. “Mind if I sit with you?”

You bit your lip, forcing yourself to smile. “Of course.” It was a hollow gesture, though, and you both knew it.

Seungmin slid into the seat across from you, setting his lunch tray down with a small clink. He didn’t start eating right away. Instead, he just looked at you, his eyes tracing your face in a way that made you uncomfortable.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” he said, his tone neutral, but there was a tightness around his jaw. “I know I haven’t been the best at… well, understanding, but I thought we were still friends. I thought we could talk about anything.”

You didn’t know how to respond. The words that had been boiling inside you for weeks were stuck in your throat, the anger and hurt mixing with a deep sadness you didn’t know how to explain. You wanted to shout at him, tell him how much his rejection had destroyed you, how much it still hurt every time he laughed with another girl, how much you wished you could just be someone he could care for the way you cared for him.

But instead, you just stared at him, your fingers fidgeting with the corner of your book.

“I’m fine, Seungmin,” you said, repeating the lie you’d been telling yourself for months. “I’ve just been… busy.”

He frowned, leaning in slightly. “I don’t believe you,” he said softly. “You’re not fine. I can tell.”

You could feel the heat rise in your face, a mixture of guilt and frustration. You wanted to snap at him, to tell him to mind his own business. But you couldn’t. You just couldn’t.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” you said quickly, the words rushed, almost pleading.

Seungmin looked at you for a long moment, his eyes searching your face. You could see the concern in them, but you couldn’t bear to face it. The last thing you wanted was for him to pity you.

“I’m worried about you,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “You’ve changed. And I don’t think it’s just because of school.”

You froze. There was no way he could know. He couldn’t know the lengths you’d gone to in order to change yourself, to try and fit into some version of “perfect”that you knew wasn’t even real.

“I’m fine,” you repeated, this time your voice firmer, even though your heart was breaking. “Just leave it alone, Seungmin. Please.”

His expression softened, but there was still a flicker of something behind his eyes—something that you couldn’t decipher. “I’m not going to leave it alone,” he said, his voice more determined now. “I’m your friend. And I’m here, okay? Whether you want to talk about it or not.”

For a second, you almost wanted to tell him everything—how you’d felt so invisible for so long, how his rejection had torn you apart, how you’d convinced yourself that losing weight, changing who you were, would somehow make him see you. But you couldn’t. You couldn’t bring yourself to show him the broken pieces of you that you were desperately trying to hide.

Instead, you just looked away, trying to keep the tears that threatened to spill under control.

“I don’t need your help,” you said quietly, the words slipping out before you could stop them.

Seungmin’s eyes widened slightly, as if your words had stung more than you realized. “You don’t need my help?” he repeated, his voice gentle but firm. “You don’t need anyone?”

You swallowed hard, trying to steady your shaking hands. “No. I don’t. I’m fine.”

There was a long silence. Seungmin seemed to search your face, as if waiting for you to say something more, to open up to him. But you didn’t. You couldn’t.

“I’ll leave you alone, then,” he said finally, his voice quieter now. “But just know, I’m here. Whenever you want to talk.”

And with that, he stood up, his tray untouched, and walked away. You watched him go, your chest tight with a mixture of relief and guilt.

But as the door to the library closed behind him, a cold, heavy emptiness settled over you. For a moment, you thought about calling out to him, about telling him everything. But you couldn’t. The distance between you had grown too wide. You’d built up too many walls.

And no matter how much you wanted him to see you, to see the real you, you couldn’t tear down the ones you’d put up, not now.

---

The weeks dragged on. Your weight continued to drop, and while you were more withdrawn, you started to notice people around you especially Seungmin looking at you differently. Some of the girls who used to talk to him started whispering, glancing at you with something that resembled envy.

But you didn’t care about them. You didn’t care about anyone except Seungmin. You had spent so long wishing to be someone who could be noticed, someone who was worthy of his attention. But even now, when you had finally become someone different, it still wasn’t enough.

And deep down, you knew something even more painful than that: He might never look at you the way you wanted him to. But the hardest part was realizing that you might never look at yourself the way you wanted to either.

——

That night, you found yourself sitting at a study table, surrounded by half-open notebooks and the faint buzz of other students working in the background. But your mind wasn’t on the textbooks in front of you. It was on him—Seungmin.

Yes, you were back at his place after he requested you to study with him. you can never seem to restrain yourself when he asks you for something it was always one of his charms, his round boba eyes looking at you pleading beside the lockers for you to study for the exam with which ended up with the both of you here. Studying like the old times

You had tried so hard to push those feelings away, bury them deep, pretend you were fine, but every time you saw him—every time he smiled at you or talked to you like nothing had changed—it became harder to ignore. It wasn’t the rejection that had hurt the most. It was the fact that it felt like he only saw you as his best friend. Just a friend.

You stared down at your notebook, the words blurring together, your hand shaking slightly as you tried to focus on your notes. You couldn't anymore.

The words bubbled up from somewhere deep inside of you, and before you could stop them, you turned to Seungmin, who was sitting across from you, tapping away on his phone. His usual easygoing expression was there, but tonight, you could barely look at him without feeling the weight of everything you had been holding back.

"Seungmin…" Your voice trembled, and you hated how fragile it sounded. He looked up, sensing the change in tone, his brow furrowing in concern.

"Yeah?" His eyes softened, and in that moment, he looked so oblivious to the storm swirling inside you.

You couldn’t do it anymore. "You have no idea, do you? How much this… all of this has affected me."

He blinked, clearly confused. "What are you talking about?"

You inhaled sharply, your chest tightening as frustration and pain flooded through you. You didn’t care anymore. You didn’t care about holding it in or pretending you were fine. "When you rejected me, Seungmin… it crushed me. You said you liked me, but not that way, and it’s like you’ve been treating me like nothing changed, but everything changed! I didn’t just get over it! I couldnt”

Seungmin’s face went still, and for the first time, you saw something flicker in his eyes—something like guilt. But it was too late for that. You had to keep going, or you’d never find the closure you needed.

"I lost so much weight after that. You know that, right? I thought if I changed how I looked, maybe I’d be good enough for you. Maybe you’d see me differently. But no matter what I did, it didn’t matter, because you’ll always just see me as your friend! I was so stupid to think you could feel the same way about me. I was just a friend, and that’s it. I wasn’t even enough to make you see me as “more."

You felt the words hit the air like a slap, the raw emotion in your voice a stark contrast to how carefully you’d kept it buried for so long. The room felt heavy, and for a moment, you weren’t sure if you’d said too much.

Seungmin was quiet. Too quiet. You dared a glance at him, only to see his face twisted in an expression that was too hard to read.

"You…" His voice cracked, and he looked down at his hands, his fingers pressing into the paper on the desk. "I didn’t know… you really felt that way. I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, you know that, right?"

Your heart hurt hearing him apologize, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that it was too late. “I know you didn’t mean to,” you said softly, shaking your head. “But you still did. And it changed everything.”

The silence stretched between you two, thick with all the unsaid things. You watched Seungmin, who was struggling with his words, looking at you like he didn’t know how to fix this, because maybe, in some twisted way, he couldn’t.

"I never wanted to make you feel like you weren’t enough," he said quietly, his voice sincere, but it still felt distant. "I… I just never saw you the way you wanted me to. I see you as my best friend. That’s all I can see."

Those words—those exact words—were the ones you had dreaded hearing from the moment you’d confessed. You had known it all along, deep down, but hearing it from his lips, right in front of you, was still a punch to the gut.

"Yeah," you whispered, blinking back the tears threatening to spill over. "I know."

The realization hit you hard. He would never look at you the way you wanted him to. No matter how much you changed, no matter how hard you tried, he would always just see you as his friend. And somewhere inside, you knew that was the part you had to let go of.

Seungmin looked like he wanted to say more, but you couldn’t let him. You had already said everything you needed to say. And as painful as it was, you felt like a weight had been lifted—finally, the truth was out.

Without another word, you stood up from the table, your hands shaking as you gathered your things. Seungmin called your name as you walked away, but you didn’t turn back. You couldn’t.

It was time to stop pretending. Time to stop chasing someone who would never see you the way you wanted to be seen. Time to start moving on, even if it meant leaving a piece of your heart behind.

🏷️: none yet!

#skz angst #stray kids angst #stray kids ff #skz fluff #seungmin angst #skz smut #stray kids hard hours #stray kids smut #seungmin x reader #skz angst seungmin #kim seungmin smut #skz drabbles #skz au #skz fic #skz soft hours #skz hard hours #skz soft thoughts

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ceceswithnopizza · 3 months ago

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3.46k words

A seemingly disappointing birthday turns into a little getaway for Maryn after she wins miss world and who better to spend it with than Aaron. Masterlist

This contains mentions depictions of staying at a poor mental health facility and nothing else to heavy, I want to speed up Maryn and Mabel’s journey to really get to Aaron and Maryns love story… so bear with me please.

Timeline Maryns met Aaron at the gala in Feb, it’s now May. This chapter takes place over the weekend. The dinner is Sat and the kiss happens on sun.

ꨄ

Here I was, once again, on the stage that started it all. Well, not the exact same stage, but the sash around me felt just as heavy, the fabric the same. Only the words were different now. The girls standing beside me were new faces, but their whispers and side glances—their shit-talking—felt eerily familiar. The lights burned as hot as I remembered, searing into my skin like they were part of the ritual. I was such an idiot for thinking it would ever be over. In the pageant world, you can’t just win and stop.

You start with the baby contests, then you move to junior competitions, and eventually, you make it to the big leagues. Beautiful girls from every corner of life—nepo babies with their air of entitlement, and girls who, like me, clawed their way up from nothing. Some girls used pills to coke, tapeworms to anorexia, anything to stay on top. To win Modeling contracts, movie roles, music deals—whatever the prize, you gave up pieces of yourself to get it.

I’d jumped through every hoop. I’d sashayed and smiled before the judges, even Marlon Beck. He was all too eager to forgive my past "mistakes" and save my ass with Mabel, of course—for a price. Nothing in this world comes without a price. And the more you want, the stranger the currency.

Back to where the sterile air reeked of bleach, All the monotone voices with their passive smiles—smiles faker than mine.

“I just want to help you,” the counselor would say, her words syrupy with insincerity. “They’re worried about you.”

Lies. Every word ignited something deep inside me, but I swallowed the flames, knowing that speaking out would only make it worse. Her notepad, its yellow pages already scrawled with lies, sat perched in her lap like a loaded weapon. The scratching sound of the rubber pen with a dull tip as I signed my name. Over and over bored out of my mind.

Then there was the medicine—the taunting voices it silenced in my head were replaced by a heavier, darker fog. The pills weighed on my brain, turning it into thick, heavy soil where no clarity could grow.

I’d give anything to never go back to that place.

“You have less than a minute to answer, Ms. United States of America. The question is: Is this your dream?” The pretty woman read from the prompter, glancing at the countdown timer projected on the wall.

No. Hell no. This was nothing like it should’ve been the farthest thing from what I deserved, what I had earned. That was what I wanted to say, but my game face held steady. I smiled with practiced poise and delivered the winning answer, the words flowing like honey, sweet and insincere.

The applause roared around me as I walked back to my place, standing beside Ms. Canada. My hands clutched the folds of my gown, my heart pounding beneath my chest. This wasn’t my dream. But on this stage, under these lights, it had to be.

The real beating came backstage. Everyone else may have been satisfied with my performance, but Mabel wouldn’t be. I could feel it in the air, her eyes on me, like she was waiting for me to slip up. Ricardo had saved my ass those few weeks ago, but I knew it couldn’t be him again. It was either me or him, and I couldn’t keep being selfish. It hurt, but I couldn’t let him suffer for me.

Ricky had been Mabel’s godson since he was born. His family had money, so did Mabel. They were close, grew up together, and when Ricky’s mother, Honey, caught his eye, I could see the anger in Mabel. Honey had something she’d wanted for decades, but she settled and played her role.

When Ricky was born, Mabel was his emergency contact, and after James and Honey died, it was all hers—Ricky and the money. Everything went into her hands, including the memories. She could’ve kept the photos, the videos, the moments of a life she didn’t care about, but she burned them. What remained was just the money, and she held it like a prize. That’s all she cared about, that’s all she ever would.

I could feel my body start to betray me. I hadn’t eaten all day, and the emptiness in my stomach was becoming a black hole. My vision blurred, spinning, as I stumbled backstage, dizziness taking over. The world felt too heavy.

"Ricky, where is my lancet? I think I need sugar," I murmured, barely able to catch my breath.

"Where did you pack it?" Ricky’s voice, frantic, cut through the haze, searching for it.

I felt my body slump. “I—. She didn’t pack it. I did.” Mabel said cutting me off standing against the door like a lion about to pounce. “Just like I do everything around here. And for that fat, ditzy bitch to embarrass me like that, and then stuff herself with sweets. Ha. No. I don’t think so."

Mabel sneered and shoved it into her pocket. She didn’t even care that I could go into shock. I had diabetes since I was 15 years old.

I leaned back into the couch, my head swimming, when she grabbed my face with sharp, cold hands. Her nails dug into my skin, her fingers like vices. She twisted, pushing in my jaw, and I could feel the scrape of her nails along my neck. It hurt. It hurt more than I could handle, but I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t give her the satisfaction. Not now.

I hissed, trying to blink the pain away, but the tears formed, and I could feel them threatening to fall. The last thing I needed was to cry. I needed to be strong, even though the strength was slipping away with each second.

“You have the audacity to cry when you’re the one who slapped me in the face?” Mabel spat, her voice like acid. She jerked my head roughly to the right, tilting it painfully, forcing me to look at her. My chest tightened. The cold, judgmental light above us made everything feel so sterile, so clinical. Like I wasn’t a person, just something to punish.

“I-I’m sorry,” I stammered, my voice breaking. “I didn’t mean to... really... the medicine....” I swallowed hard, hoping my words would make sense, hoping they would lessen the wrath that was building inside her.

She cut me off with a sharp, cruel laugh. “No. It didn’t.”

I froze. The small, weak part of me that had hoped for some kind of mercy, some kind of understanding, crumbled. I whimpered like a child being told no for the first time, and all I could do was stare at her, helpless.

She stormed out, slamming the door behind her, leaving me there on the couch, heart pounding, chest tight with fear. Alone.

“Ssh, it’s okay. Here,” Ricky’s voice was a lifeline, soft and calming. I didn’t deserve it, but he was there, kneeling beside me, pulling a ziplock bag of my favorite candies from his pocket. I didn’t feel like I could move. I felt paralyzed, the weight of everything pressing down on me. Every part of me just wanted to escape. I didn’t want to feel anymore.

Ricky fed me a piece of candy, his hand gentle, guiding it to my lips. I let myself take it, even though I didn’t want to. His actions felt like the only thing keeping me tethered to reality, even though part of me wished I could just let go.

The weariness washed over me, pulling at my limbs like I was being swallowed whole. My head rested back, and the harsh, cold air stung my skin for a second before Ricky put his hoodie around me, the warmth of it wrapping me in a fleeting comfort.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his thick Dominican accent brushing against my ears.

“It’s okay” was all I could say before sleep took over, drowning everything else out.

But as I drifted off, my thoughts spiraled. What was I doing? How had it come to this? I had no control, not anymore. Mabel had me trapped in a cage of her making, and all I could do was survive it. I wasn’t strong enough for anything else, and maybe not even that.

Eventually, I got up, the sun outside dimming as it faded into a golden-orange hue, casting long shadows across the room. I sat on my pink silk sheets, my eyes trailing aimlessly around my space. There was a heaviness in my chest I couldn’t shake, but I pushed it aside. Despite everything, I couldn’t deny the small spark of satisfaction I felt in the plumpness of my lips and the way my lashes framed my eyes. Little things, but they made me feel... okay. Maybe even pretty.

I stretched my arms toward the ceiling, letting out a yawn that ended in a deep sigh. There was no avoiding it—I had a job to do tonight. My task was simple enough: look my prettiest and flatter Marlon Beck until his ego inflated like a balloon. The thought made me cringe, but I couldn’t afford not to.

The warm embrace of a hot bath called to me, and I answered, stepping into the steamy water I’d filled with Epsom salts and a frothy bubble bath. The lavender scent wrapped itself around me as I lowered into the tub, letting the heat ease the tension in my body. My head rested against the cool porcelain edge of the clawfoot tub, my eyes fluttering closed.

For a brief moment, I allowed myself to exist.

Birthdays used to mean something. Now, for the last five years, they’d been nothing but a source of sadness—a reminder of what I’d lost. The edges of those dark thoughts crept in, like unwelcome guests at the door of my mind, threatening to pull me under. But no. Not this time. I was tired of being sad.

And then I heard it: a small, familiar voice, soft at first but growing louder.

“Whose birthday is it?” Mama asked, her tone warm and full of love.

The memory unfolded like a movie reel. I saw myself as a little girl, standing beside her. My store-bought Princess Tiana dress had deep creases from being folded too long in its plastic bag, but I didn’t care. The matching plastic heels clicked and clacked as I jumped up and down, the plastic strap with Tiana’s smiling face barely keeping my feet in place.

“It’s my birthday, Mama!” little me chirped, her voice high-pitched and brimming with excitement.

“And how old are you?” she asked, her smile so wide it could’ve lit up the room.

The kitchen had been transformed. The cluttered counters and table had been replaced by a large white folding table, its front draped with a “Happy Birthday” banner that sagged slightly in the middle, with presents littered everywhere.

“I’m 10!” I exclaimed, my grin nearly splitting my face.

“Ten years old,” Mama said, clapping her hands together. “Let’s all sing happy birthday!”

The memory swelled. My older cousin walked in carrying a cake, and the smile on my face grew impossibly wider. They set the cake down on the table, and the familiar birthday tune began.

“How old are you?” they sang, their voices overlapping.

“10!” I shouted, my voice bursting with pride.

“How old are you?” they repeated, louder this time.

“10!” I screamed again, puffing my chest out like it made me bigger.

The song ended, and I leaned over to blow out the candles. The sound of cheers and laughter filled the air as the candles went out, replaced by the smell of melting wax and sweet frosting.

The memory faded, leaving me sitting in the tub with a bittersweet ache in my chest. That little girl—the one jumping up and down, her plastic heels clicking, her heart full of pure, untainted joy—I was so jealous of her. I wanted to be her again. I wanted to feel that kind of happiness again.

Maybe... maybe that started with a choice. A choice to fight.

I sat up, the water rippling around me as I scrubbed myself clean. When I was done, I dried off and coated myself in lotion and perfume, determined to put the memory to good use.

The familiar sound of knobs turning and a door clicking open pulled me from my thoughts. I sat at my vanity, wrapped in a soft robe, my cluttered makeup station lit by the warm glow of the bulbs around the mirror. I scrolled through my phone, searching for outfit inspiration.

“Maria, are you decent?” Ricky’s voice called out my middle name from the hallway. He pushed the door open a crack, his hand covering his eyes.

“Why’d you come in if you thought I wasn’t dressed, perv?” I teased, a small smirk tugging at my lips.

Ricky rolled his eyes, clicking his teeth. “Happy 25th birthday!” he said, stepping inside with a pink gift box in one hand and a small cake in the other. He pulled a tiny confetti popper from his pocket and let it off with a grin.

I couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out of me as I rushed to hug him. “Thank you,” I whispered, my voice softer than I intended.

“Come here,” he said, beckoning me over to the bed. He placed the pink box in front of me and opened it to reveal a heart-shaped mini cake.

“Your favorite,” he said proudly. “Red velvet. And I made sure to tell them you like it dense.”

He began singing “Happy Birthday,” his deep voice filling the room. When the song ended, he sat beside me, waiting expectantly.

“Aren’t you going to eat your cake?” he asked. “It’s your favorite.”

I hesitated, glancing at the cake before shaking my head. “I can’t,” I said, standing to adjust my robe. “I’ll get bigger.”

Ricky frowned. “Maria, you’re barely a hundred pounds soaking wet. A slice of cake isn’t going to change that.” He picked up the knife and cut a piece, holding it out to me. “Forget what Mabel says. It’s your day, and she won’t even be back for another two weeks.”

I crossed my arms. “But she left prepped meals. She’s going to know if I don’t eat them. She’ll notice if I gain weight.”

Ricky’s jaw tightened. “Let me deal with Mabel,” he said, his tone firm. “She doesn’t need to know everything.”

“She always finds out,” I whispered, my voice trembling. “She told me I’d be nothing more than an addict. Do you think she’s right?”

Ricky crouched in front of me, his eyes searching mine for an answer. “No. Of course not. You’ve been sober for six months, Ricky. You’re doing amazing.”

“She doesn’t have power over me anymore,” he continued. “She only did because of the drugs. But I’m free now. I found my brother, and he has pictures, videos—proof of everything. I’m going to settle this. She won’t be able to hurt us anymore.”

He kissed my forehead, lingering for just a moment, before walking out.

Could I finally be free?

The restaurant was cloaked in an air of quiet sophistication, the kind of place where the conversations were low, the laughter subdued, and the clink of cutlery against fine china almost hypnotic. The ambiance was steeped in luxury, the dark wooden walls polished to a gleam, their antique charm complemented by ornate golden inlays. Everything here seemed timeless, as if the room itself was frozen in a moment meant to impress.

I sat a few feet away from the balcony’s intricate wrought-iron banister, the design curling like ivy vines, each detail catching the faint light of the crystal chandelier hanging above. The chandelier was massive, the kind of centerpiece that drew your eye even when you didn’t want to look. Its crystals refracted soft greens and yellows, casting an ethereal glow over the glass shelving lining the walls. The shelves were filled with gleaming bottles that sparkled like jewels, their liquid contents shimmering in the chandelier’s light.

My chair was a deep maroon, upholstered in velvet so soft it felt like sinking into a cloud. Golden details were woven into the armrests and back, their intricate patterns catching the light with every slight shift. I tried to let the elegance of my surroundings distract me, to lose myself in the hushed murmur of conversations coming from the floor below. There, couples and groups sat in matching maroon chairs at circular tables draped in crisp white tablecloths. The flicker of candlelight played across their faces as they laughed and sipped wine, their plates piled with food that looked almost too beautiful to eat.

But none of it could keep my mind from wandering. I checked my watch again, the time staring back at me like a cruel joke. Marlon was an hour late. An hour. The realization settled heavily in my chest, making my heart ache in that dull, familiar way.

He had forced me into this date, had insisted with that charming, condescending smile of his that I clear my schedule. And now he had the audacity—the gaul—to stand me up.

The soft hum of the restaurant couldn’t drown out my spiraling thoughts. My gaze drifted to the empty seat across from me, its maroon upholstery mocking me. A lump formed in my throat, hot and humiliating.

If even Marlon Beck—someone who’d sleep with just about anyone—didn’t want me, what did that say about me?

The question clung to me like a wet cloak, its weight dragging me further into the darkness. It wasn’t just about this date or him not showing up; it was about everything. Every rejection, every misstep, every time I had felt like I wasn’t enough. The restaurant seemed to grow quieter, the glow of the chandelier dimming in my mind as my thoughts consumed me.

I was sinking into that familiar pit when a soft voice broke through.

“Ma’am, could I get you anything?”

The waitress’s voice startled me, pulling me back to the present. I blinked up at her, her kind eyes framed by dark lashes, her expression gentle but professional.

I straightened in my chair, trying to shake the heaviness off me, if only for a moment. “Um…” I hesitated, my thoughts catching up to my surroundings. My mind flitted back to the menu I had studied earlier.

“I’ll have the six-ounce filet mignon, medium rare, with the white veggie rice,” I finally said, my voice steadier than I expected.

She nodded, her smile softening the edges of my embarrassment as she leaned forward to pour water into my glass.

As she walked away, I sank back into the maroon chair, the plush velvet cradling me. I looked down at my watch again, though I already knew what it would say. Marlon wasn’t coming.

The flickering light of the chandelier caught my eye again, the greens and yellows reflecting faintly on the golden inlays of the banister. Somewhere below, a burst of laughter erupted from one of the tables, sharp and bright. It made me smile.

I reached for my water glass and took a slow sip, letting the cool liquid slide down my throat. My thoughts felt heavier now, like stones stacking one on top of the other. Still, a small part of me wanted to believe this didn’t mean anything. That it wasn’t about me. But that part was small, and tonight, it felt impossibly far away.

The restaurant’s quiet hum wrapped around me, a stark contrast to the storm brewing inside my chest. I kept my gaze fixed on the chandelier above, the delicate greens and yellows refracting off the crystal, as if willing the sight to distract me from the empty seat across the table. But it didn’t. I traced my finger along the edge of the white tablecloth, a nervous habit that felt more pathetic with each passing second.

Marlon wasn’t coming.

I let out a soft sigh, trying to push the hurt down. It didn’t matter. It couldn’t matter. If I let myself wallow, I’d only fall deeper into that pit I’d been clawing my way out of for years. Instead, I reached for my water, taking another sip as I focused on the faint ripple in the glass.

And then, I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye.

A tall figure stepped into the dining area, scanning the tables. His warm brown eyes landed on me, and his face broke into a relieved smile. Aaron.

“Aaron?” I said aloud before I could stop myself, my voice tinged with surprise.

“Hey, Maryn,” he greeted, his tone soft and unassuming as always. He hesitated for a moment, his hand gripping the back of the chair across from me. “Is this seat taken?”

I blinked, glancing at the empty chair Marlon was supposed to fill.

A pang of disappointment surged through me, but I pushed it aside. “No, go ahead,” I said, offering him a small smile.

Aaron sat down, his movements careful, as if he didn’t want to disturb the fragile air around us. He adjusted his jacket and looked at me with a sheepish grin. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here tonight.”

“Same,” I replied, watching him closely. Aaron had always been... different. Steady. Kind in a way that didn’t demand attention but lingered in the little things he did.

“I, uh, saw you sitting here alone,” he continued, his voice dipping lower, “and I thought maybe you could use some company. If that’s okay?”

I hesitated for a fraction of a second, my mind briefly flickering back to Marlon and the sting of rejection. But then I looked at Aaron’s earnest face, and something in me softened. “Of course it’s okay,” I said, my smile growing a little wider.

The waitress returned just then, her eyes flicking between the two of us before settling on me. “Would you like me to add anything to your order?”

Aaron looked at me questioningly, but I waved him off. “I already ordered. But Aaron, you should get something.”

He glanced at the menu, quickly scanning it before nodding. “I’ll have the vodka pasta please,” he said before handing the menu back to the waitress.

As she walked away, Aaron turned his attention fully to me. “So, what brings you here tonight? Fancy dinner for one?”

His teasing tone was gentle, but it still made my cheeks warm. I shrugged, “It was supposed to be something like a date I guess but it’s also my birthday.” I said

His eyes lit up and he gave me a toothy grin raising his eyebrows. “ May 29th you’re a fellow Gemini!” He pointed out making me scrunch my face playfully.

“Oh don’t tell me you’re one of those people.” I said with a blissful laugh.

“No- no I’m not that into it like those people who blame everything on mercury.” He belled laughing with me. The night went on a turned into an amazing evening.

Somehow we ended up on the streets of the city having a great time walking on the dark empty beach, talking, having non stop smiles of pure joy on our faces.

“How do you think people will react to this.” His accent flushing my moonlit skin.

“I don’t care I having fun!” I said I haven’t felt this good in a very long time. “I love them but forget the people who’ll care. It’s weird because I’m a public figure and all but people are just way too invested.” I drew out the brandy I had clearly speaking in innards.

“Yeah we need to get you some water.” He said making me burst into laughter I looked to my left where we were sitting in the sand.

His eyes even prettier in the dark this glistening skin smelling thick and rich. He sat next to me in a dark button up and dark slacks the sleeves rolled up showcasing the lion tattoo on his forearm. I could already tell he knew what I was laughing at.

“Can I? please.” I begged as he rolled his eyes at me before nodding his head.

“Wha-uh!” I exaggerated going into another fit of laughter.

“Alright Ms.Queen let’s get you home.”

I woke to the faint aroma of coffee and the soft hum of a bird outside the window. For a moment, I wasn’t sure where I was. The ceiling above me wasn’t mine, nor was the slightly lumpy cushion beneath my head. My jacket was balled up beneath me, stiff and uncomfortable. Then it hit me. Maryn’s place. Turning over to my left reaching out for Maryn only to feel the coldness of where I layed her down.

I opened my eyes fully, squinting against the pale morning light that filtered through the curtains. The faint clatter of dishes came from the kitchen, followed by the sound of water running. I didn’t need to see her to know it was her.

Maryn had a presence that lingered, even when she wasn’t in the room.

Turning my head over to the left to see the toiletries shed layed out for me. As well as a t-shit and some basketball shorts.

I hadn’t planned on staying over but after dinner. I just couldn’t bring myself to leave.

Maryn intrigued me in ways I couldn’t quite explain. She had this strength about her, a quiet defiance that masked something softer underneath. She had a lively spirt I could feel.

I saw it in the way she brushed off the sting of the date that didn’t show, pretending it didn’t bother her when I knew it did. And I saw it now, in the way she moved through her space with purpose.

I glanced around again, taking in the details I’d missed last night the colors, little trinkets and cozy blankets she has sprawled in her home and on various things.

The sound of her voice startled me.

"Good morning," she said, poking her head around the corner. Her hair was tousled, and there was a smudge of flour on her cheek. She must’ve been baking something.

"Morning," I replied, my voice raspier than I expected. I cleared my throat and offered a smile. "You’re up early."

She shrugged, leaning against the doorway with a mug in her hands. "Couldn’t sleep. Thought I’d make some tea. Want some?"

"Let’s see if an American can impress me with tea," I said, standing and stretching. Her lips curved into a smirk. "It’s an earl gray I put honey in mine." She said in a decent British accent.

I laughed, following her into the kitchen. The space was small but cozy, with mismatched mugs hanging from hooks and a calendar on the wall, each day marked with tiny scribbles.

She handed me a mug, and I took a sip, the warmth spreading through me. "All right, I’ll give it to you," I admitted. " at least one American knows how to make tea."

Her grin widened, and for a moment, All I could think about was how effortlessly beautiful she looked, standing there in her little kitchen, as if she belonged in a storybook. Her hair big and coily in a quick bun in a cropped large t-shirt and some plaid boys boxers.

I watched her move around, tidying up and humming softly under her breath. There was something grounding about being here with her, something I couldn’t quite put into words.

“Do you eat sausage?” She asked me turning around back to the stove.

“I do darling.” I tried my chances with a nickname as not looking out from her pots but I could tell she was smiling as she said “darling is that just a British thing or are you trying to flirt?” She said in her sweet southern accent

“This is some cheese grits, a biscuit, eggs, sausage, and some chocolate chip pancakes.” She briefed.

“This is a scone.” I said looking at the biscuit.

“No it a delicious biscuit, you wish you had these in London.” She said eyes sparking as she waited for me to take a bite.

As soon as I went to taste it she yelled “wait! Try it all together like make it a sandwich everything but the grits.” She said showing me hers. Doing as she said making my sandwich I dug in and relished in the flavor.

“I know thank you.” She cockily said

The sun was higher now, casting long shadows across Maryn’s living room. I stood by the window, coffee in hand, staring out at the lazy streets of the city. For a moment, I let myself forget that I wasn’t in London anymore. I wasn’t in some quiet corner of the world—no, I was in the whirlwind of Maryn’s life. The world outside wasn’t just any street; it was lined with the ever-present hum of fame, of cameras and eyes that would be watching her every move.

I turned, looking at the glossy kitchen island, the still-warm plates, and remnants of our breakfast. The intimacy of it all felt surreal, almost too normal for two people like us—celebrities who lived their lives under constant scrutiny.

“Hey,” Maryn’s voice cut through my thoughts, and I turned to find her leaning against the doorframe, wearing a comfortable oversized sweater and leggings. She had that soft glow that came from the sun casting on her brown eyes.

Is this how people feel about my eyes?

“Hey,” I replied, giving her a soft smile.

She took a breath, then pushed herself off the doorframe. “Wanna share favorite movies?” She asked me walking over to the couch.

“Yeah I need to show you some real classics.” I told her throwing her head back she let out a laugh before turning to me.

“Yea, okay we’ll see about that.” She said in another accent.

“This one is The color purple and it’s my favorite movie of all time.” She said as she flicked through Hulu putting the movie on.

The movie flickered softly on the screen, its warm glow casting fleeting shadows across the room. Maryn’s knees were tucked under her, the oversized hoodie slipping slightly off her shoulder, revealing soft skin that caught the light in a way that felt almost hypnotic. She smelt like vanilla in an intoxicating way.

I leaned back into the couch, pretending to watch the movie, but my focus kept drifting to her. The way her fingers curled to match Celies “Until you do right by me everything you do will crumble.” She said in sync.

My gaze lingering longer than I meant to. There was something about the way she tilted her head slightly, her everything enticing, making my chest tighten. She must have felt it because she shifted slightly, her movements slow, deliberate.

She turned her head, catching me in the act. Her eyes met mine. For a moment, neither of us said anything. The movie played on, but its sound faded to a distant murmur. It was just her, her eyes searching mine, as though she was trying to figure out what I was thinking, and I didn’t have the words to explain it.

Her lips parted, not to speak but as if she wanted to ask a question she wasn’t sure she should. My heart pounded, the air between us suddenly feeling heavier. She didn’t look away, and neither did I.

Her fingers, which had been idly tracing the blanket, stilled, her hand now just resting there—close but not close enough. Slowly, carefully, I reached out, my fingers brushing against hers. Her skin was soft, warm, and when she didn’t pull away, I let my hand settle over hers.

She didn’t look down at our hands, though. Her focus stayed on me, her eyes wide, I could feel her breath hitch softly, her chest rising and falling in time with mine,I was itching to having her in my hands. Skin to skin, bare with us.

I leaned forward, closing the distance an inch at a time. I could feel her hesitation, not in fear but in wonder, as though she was trying to decide if this was real. Her eyes flickered to my lips, then back to my eyes, and that was all I needed.

When my lips met hers, it was soft, tentative, as though we both wanted to take our time, to let this moment unfold naturally. Her lips moved against mine, slow and searching, and my heart thundered in my chest. Her hand turned under mine, her fingers lacing with mine as she leaned into the kiss, her weight shifting closer, her presence enveloping me.

Time disappeared. The movie became a distant hum, the world around us fading into a blur of muted light and the warmth of her touch. When we broke apart, her breath mingled with mine, the tip of her nose brushing against me as neither of us moved far. Her eyes opened, meeting mine again, and there was something raw and vulnerable in her gaze—something that made my chest tighten all over again.

Feeling the kiss still on my lips, I needed more. Ours heads buoying for a moment, leaning and her soft lips on mine. Breaking apart catching our breath.

“Do you want this?” I asked her my eyes etched on hers.

#dreamy💤wrote this #aaron pierre x reader #maryn and aaron #aaron pierre x black reader #aaron pierre fanfic #aaron pierre x black!oc #aaron pierre #lights off fic

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daughterofapollo-official · 4 months ago

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Leo Valdez Fan theory.

OK, I have two really strong, but really dark head cannons about Leo Valdez.

1) he’s got wrapped up in crimes really really in life

2) he’s anorexic.

First, I want to establish that anorexia isn’t necessarily the need to be as skinny as possible.

Can develop and form at age for multitude of reasons the most popular being: constant needed to lose weight, strong need of control, or self harm/punishment.

I feel like Leo is either need for control or the need for self punishment.

I have a lot of thoughts about this, but in order to do this correctly, I wanted to start with the very first appearance Leo has in the Percy Jackson universe.

His very first line is a response to Jason saying “I don’t belong here.”

Stating “you’re right! We’ve all been framed. I didn’t run away six times and Piper didn’t steel convertible.”

How is running away even comparable to stealing a car?

This makes me believe that Leo did something far worse than just run away either he did something and that’s why he ran away or he ran away to do something.

Or he ran away and did something.

But comparing running away a few times and stealing a car and then giving them the exact same consequence scenes unreasonable to me I think Leo probably did something a lot darker but because this is a kids book it’s not mentioned.

Shortly after being introduced to Leo in the form of this first statement, Jason’s in her monologue goes on to describe Leo as this mischievous, looking boy that the second he looked at him and looked in his eyes. He could tell that he couldn’t trust him with matches and sharp objects.

No one could see this as for shadowing for Leo’s godly parent, being the god of forge and fire.

But I see this as a sign that despite his physique Leo Valdez has this aura of danger.

“crash course for the amnesiac: we go to the wilderness school. Which means we’re bad kids. Your family, or the court, or whoever. Decided you were to much trouble so they sent you off to this lovely prison. Sorry, boarding school.”

The words in the statement from Leo Valdez in chapter 1, give us a valuable clues on the type of environment. Leo Piper and Jason are inside.

As if the further emphasize the point that these kids have committed crimes, Jason’s inter monologue says that none of these kids look like a “hard criminals” and he wonders what they could have done to be “sentenced to school for delinquents.”

And again, these are actual lines from the book Leo Valdez canonically is classified legally as a delinquent.

And knowing Leo does not have any family it’s clear that Leo received this as a sentence from a courtroom.

As he himself stated, as we just saw you can be sent to this place not just by parents who think you need a strict or lifestyle, but by the court.

“ he had survived and tough neighborhoods, tough schools, touch foster homes, by using his wits, he was the class clown, the court jester. Because he learned early that if you crack jokes and pretend not to be scared you usually didn’t get beat up. Even the baddest, gangster kids will tolerate you. Keep you around for laughs.”

This quote from the novel also is a clear clue that Leo a dark skinned kid in the United States, grew up, hanging out with delinquents hanging out with kids that were in gangs he literally said gangsters.

Which means he probably got into school fight, street fights, and substance use.

Because that’s what teenagers do in those social groups.

Crimes canonically mentioned that Leo committed:

• truancy; this is when so, and skip school so much that it becomes legal issue.

Ask yourself in United States, with xenophobia and racism, if a Latino 11 to 14 year old boy, who doesn’t have parental supervision is skipping school. What do you think he’s doing?

It’s only mentioned that he committed truancy, which isn’t it hard crime but knowing reality, it’s very probable that Leo has experimented within this timeframe within running away and being arrested for truancy he also committed underage use of substances.

So let’s take a break from the crime dive. Because I’m pretty sure for the rest of Leo’s appearances in the universe it’s not hinted out or mentioned anymore. I think that’s all I have to say, but I might revisit this later.

This is the first inkling of anorexia:

As I mentioned in the beginning of this post anorexia can manifest at any point of someone’s life for a multitude of reasons.

It is usually during development either late childhood to any point in adolescence.

Although it can form adulthood, it’s more common for it to start in developmental stages.

Anorexia is a cycle and for whatever reason you start starving yourself this little bit and then you lose your appetite and your stomach shrinks and you feel less hunger so you eat less and then you struggle to eat a healthy amount.

You may be thinking there’s no way Leo is anorexic because he is self-conscious of how skinny he is.

True.

But I don’t think him himself because he wants to be skinny. I think he does it for one of two reasons and maybe it’s a mix of both maybe they’re both correct or maybe it’s just just one I don’t know.

1- control.

2- punishment.

In chapter 5, we have a chapter from the point of view of Leos for the very first time, and this is when we first learned about how Leo’s mom died he died tragically in the housefire that he started, and even as a 15 year-old, he blames himself, and he sees himself as the person responsible for his mother’s death.

His mother died when he was eight years old obvious this is going to have severe psychological trauma on him, I believe that Leo stopped eating.

Maybe at first he just didn’t wanna eat anything because he was in grief and he couldn’t eat, maybe it was because he didn’t eat his mom didn’t cook Mexican culture love cooking and he just lost the person. He loved the most in life and he couldn’t imagine eating.

But I think he stopped eating as a way to punish himself for killing his mother, and then it spiraled and snowball and got out of control to the point where he’s severely underweight as a fifteen year old.

As for control, we know that he didn’t have control over where he lived, or who took care of him or what school he went too.

His life was flipped upside down as it went into the foster system and he felt powerless. He felt like he had no control and one way of his for dealing with that was running away, but I also feel like he just wouldn’t eat because if maybe if he could control his weight and he can control what he eats then at least he had control over one thing in his life. He didn’t have control over anything else, but at least he had control over what he ate and then that’s snow bolt into the point he got underweight as a teenager.

It’s one of these reasons or a mix of both of these reasons.

I think Leo is somewhat muscular.

He’s always lift up heavy pieces of metal he uses hammers. He knows how to forage. This requires a lot of muscle mass in the arm and abdomen at least but I feel like the reason he gives the scrawny description is because he doesn’t eat enough.

Even at the end of the war with the Giants, eat enough and he was just like oh he doesn’t work out then he would have a lot more muscle mass and he would not be seen as scrawny as we seen with Percy was seen as little kid in the beginning and now he’s very physically muscular because of the war he went through, but that didn’t happen with Leo because I think he’s already muscular. He just never eats therefore he’s not healthy looking.

Chapter 30, Yet another example of Leo allowing himself to be put at the risk of death without hesitation.

Man for Jason to take Piper and fly away from Festus as the dragon Falls, Leo would stay on his dragon and try to fix it. Then he said he couldn’t fix it he would die.

The first time I read this I didn’t think much of it didn’t even remember this thing happened because it seems like just natural reaction to trying to save the ship sacrifice yourself, knowing how the giant war ends and he did kill himself. I think it’s a reasonable assumption that just does not have enough regards for personal safety and probably not taking care of himself.

During the lost hero indicated that part of the reason how Piper Leo invasion survive the quest was that whenever they were hungry, Leo would cook for them.

But did anyone other than me notice that hyper had to ask for Leo to cook every single single time because he never remembered he was never hungry and he would only eat if they were hungry if they told him they were hungry and asked him to cook.

I didn’t find the scene again because I was only reading chapters in Leo’s point of view, but I think it’s in Pipers and this for me the first time I read it was like the first indication that Leo doesn’t have a healthy relationship with food.

Mark of Athena.

The very first time Leo met Hazel first thing he noticed was that she paid a lot of attention to him. And he didn’t like it you can argue that this is because he was so used to not be center of attention, but we all know that Leo craves attention so that wouldn’t make sense. He says that the reason he feels uncomfortable is that she was staring at him through looking at his body, and it made him feel self-conscious.

House of Hades

“ you haven’t eaten in a few days.” Calypso told Leo. And Leo didn’t even notice.

Wikipedia Page.

I read the entire page. Yes. The whole thing.

I never do that.

But I wanted to see if there was any other extra evidence for my theory.

In the early life section there’s a paragraph about the day of the dead, where Leo’s aunt and his cousin who would bully him went to the cemetery. To clean their relatives graves and bring offerings.

I found this quote “Rosa would force him to stay for the picnic, as if eating with dead people would fix his appetite.”

So his family was aware he wasn’t eating.

“Leo woke up in an ambulance, and the paramedic was kind to him, saying that the warehouse had burned down and his mom hadn't made it out. Leo felt hollow, and realized he had lost control like his mom had warned him about.“

This supports my theory that Leo feels a lack of control in his life, which is why he’d result to controlling his food intake.

“He thought her death was his fault” this quote supports my second theory of what triggered his anorexia. Self punishment. In his very core. He believes he was responsible for the person he loved most in life being dead.

“The police wondered what kind of child would've started a fire. His neighbors in the apartment complex gossiped about him, saying they always knew something was wrong with him.” So already at 8 years old he called the attention of the cops and his community as dangerous. And once you’re labeled as dangerous, and dark skinned… there’s only a matter of time until you do and up being caught in the wrong groups.

Something we know from the books, at Leo’s mention of gangs and a school for delinquents… he did exactly that.

“He even had an abusive foster mom, Teresa.” Another common trigger for eating disordered behavior, abusive parental figures. Usually parental figures can say very nasty comments about the child’s body psychologically parents tend to reflect their insecurities and their life and their body onto the bodies of their children. This is very common with biological kids, but I assume it could be possible for a foster child as well.

Your abusive foster parent also means he probably had a strong distrust between him and the foster mom.

Meaning, if he was caught up in a gang while living with her, you would not tell her he could not confide in her.

Having an Abusive mother figure, hold onto the money issues he had from his mother dying. This strongly explains why he stayed in a relationship with fucking calypso!!!

That woman treated him like every second of the relationship and he was fine with it because she was an older woman, and he was treated like shit by women.

Side tangent that does not have to do with anorexia or his crime history.

Did anyone else notice how every single girl Leo’s tempo was much older than him in the entire books series?

• Hazel

• the ice goddess

• calypso

• Thalia

Two out of four of those were mean to him!! Yes mommy issues really bad mommy issues that turned into a mommy kink. He even calls Calypso Mamacita!!!

And he will stay in an abusive relationship as long as he has an older woman who he is as attractive and more dominant

Another paragraph I found was full of little nuggets I found:

“Maenads from Demigod Diaries, indicating that Leo is quite good-looking despite not finding himself attractive” so just further proof that Leo is a pretty boy but has dysmorphia and low self esteem. “Leo has been called 'cute in a scrawny way' by nymphs”

“a diminutive stature with a slim and relatively scrawny build.” Of course we all remember Leo is skinny, hell that’s what this whole theory is about. But I want to point out the word Relatively. Which reminds me of my assumption that since Leo works with heavy metal he has muscle definition but not enough body fat, making him skinny.

“Leo wears a pair of Georgina's overalls during her absence, so they are probably around the same size.”

Oh that probably doesn’t seem like a big deal to you— GEORGINA IS AN EIGHT YEAF OLD LITTLE GIRL AND HE IS A SIXTEEN YEAF OLD BOY!!!!

They should not be the same size!!!!

“He is said to be sensitive about his size and occasionally makes self-deprecating jokes about it.” Dysmorphia, I’ve been telling you guys over and over! He has dysmorphia.

“Superhuman Strength : Being a demigod, Leo is stronger than a regular mortal. However, Leo has many times labeled himself as weak because of his small stature, and is definitely the weakest male demigod of the Seven, indicating that Leo is pretty weak for a demigod. Leo also is extremely skinny and short and doesn't look very strong. However, Leo has been shown to be quite a bit stronger than he looks as he used two silver-tipped blacksmith hammers to smash full-grown monsters that got in his way”

So even though logic would suggest the opposite Leo always thinks of himself, of his body negatively.

There’s so many other examples but I’m tired.

#percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #percy pjo #greek mythology #pjo fandom #pjo hoo toa #pjo series #pjo #ancient greek #leonidas valdez #leo valdez

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drdemonprince · 2 months ago

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I’ve ended up with a high tolerance to alcohol. Unlike you thought I didn’t have the presence of mind to actually resist that. Weed makes me paranoid and anxious so is counterproductive. I’ve been on a lot of meds that have fucked me up. So I’ve been using booze for like 12 years to cope with the constant low and often high level anxiety. If I had known I was autistic back when I started I might have understood it better. But now I guess I would be considered a high functioning alcoholic. It’s fucking hard when your nervous system is fried and you’re hyper aware of everything in your environment all the time and you’re trying to cope with “normal” things like people and overall life functioning. Sounds like you’re doing a much better job at approaching it with common sense than me.

oh homie please do not use my actions as a contrast with which to beat yourself up. if my actions look measured and judicious it's only because I'm using the long-standing anorexia build in my brain and applying it to everything else

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tetsunabouquet · 1 year ago

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Loved the interpretation and writing of my last request! If you dont mind, here's a new one. Tw! Anorexia

Gom with a reader suffering from severe restricting eating to the point where they passed out in public or private, your choice. Again, sorry if this is triggering.

A/N: Thank you for the compliment! Trigger warnings for the readers up in the request

Akashi

-Don't expect this guy to be surprised. He has been suspecting it for a while. -When you faint in front of him, his heart sinks in that ultimate, 'Oh no,' moment. -Actually has a minor panic attack. -Flashbacks to his mom. -He'll do everything he can to wake you up. -Once you're awake, he'll have food arranged for you and he's guilt tripping you to eat it. -"Don't make me lose another person that I love."

Aomine

-Has actually told you before about how you should gain a little more weight as he notices the thinness but doesn't has the intellectual brain capacity to suspect something like an ED. -When you faint, it still doesn't registers in his mind but he does immediately recognize that you needed something to eat. -Momoi is the one to tell him she suspects your disordered eating, and Aomine's heart honestly breaks at the news. -He is demanding you to tell him which stupid idiot convinced you that you were fat, so that he can beat them up right now. -You are honestly touched to see him be so angry and upset on your behalf, he is so pure with his praise and love for you. -Demands that you eat with him at the Maji burger at least once a week and that you try to finish the meal he buys for you.

Murasakibara

-Like Aomine, he doesn't has any suspicions regarding the behavior itself but he does notices you don't eat enough. -Murasakibara just cradles you confused in his arms as Himuro tells him what to do next as well as mention his suspicions about your restrictve eating. -Murasakibara honestly stares at you like you're an alien creature as he has to process the idea that people can hate food that much, thank god you're unconscious and you can't see his face. -He makes up his mind to be the person to cure you of that hate. -Dumps pretty much all candy and snacks he has on him on you the moment you wake up all the whilst giving you a look as sweet and pure as the candy itself. -He increases little habbits like feeding you, because clearly you need it.

Midorima

-Has been taking calculated notes of how much you eat, but is afraid of coming off too strong so he refrains from daring to ask the question. -When you faint he has the most perfect response ever, and manages to stay calm even though he is breaking down on the inside with worry. -Confronts you sternly but lovingly once you wake up, he only wants the best for you. -Reads multiple books on how to be a supportive partner. -Honestly he's adorable with how hard he tries to be there for you. -After the event, he prepares you a bento in the theme of your lucky item of the day, always. Even on the days you can't bring yourself to eat it, he doesn't minds and just hoped carrying the lucky item themed lunch brought you courage in different ways.

Kise

-Knows. Immediately. -As a model, he has far too much model contacts not to know about that dark side of the industry so he knows all the signs. -Is the only one to have confronted you about it before it got to the fainting stage. -Honestly he bawls like a baby when you faint in front of him, because this was exactly like he feared. -He manages to get the number of a great treatment program from another model that is combatting her own ED after you woke up again and got him to calm down. -Tries to feed you all the time whilst acting as cutesy as possible, full idol mode. Because he hopes it will do the trick. -He tries to uplift you by talking about his own insecurities, as being under the limelight does also open him up to scrutiny way more then the average person.

#knb #kuroko's basketball #akashi #akashi seijuro #knb x reader #midorima #midorima shintarou #kise #kise ryouta #aomine #aomine daiki #murasakibara atsushi #muraskibara

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cfyslvr · 11 days ago

Note

Hey i'd like to req Baji x fem reader where fem reader is extremely insecure and feels undeserving of Baji's attention (she also doesn't fit the traditional beauty standards) tyy!!

His fluffy girl

· pairing : baji keisuke + chubby fem!reader

· warnings : mentions of ed/anorexia/bulimia, chubby reader(is that even a warning?), a little angsty but mostly comfort + a tiny bit of suggestive lmao!

· summary : opening up to your silly bf about your insecurities, he genuinely doesn't get it

· a/n : I'm living for the baji lovers in my requests! requester didn't really specify what body type they had in mind but I'm assuming its a chubbier body type 😭 I'm so sorry if I'm wrong- also this is so comforting to me too since I'm on the bigger side too so I feel like I'll enjoy writing this 🥹 thank you for requesting !!

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

- you and your bf have been together for around a year or so

- he loves you dearly

- you can't exactly say that you feel insecure because of him, it's quite the opposite actually

- the problem is that you have an attractive boyfriend and, as expected, there would be girls who are into him despite the fact he's very open about being taken by you

- we all know there are those annoying ahh girls who won't stop even if a guy is taken 🤷🏻‍♀️ (gosh I hate those types of people)

- you, being slightly on the thicker side, can't help but wonder if you're really that deserving of baji's love..

- i mean, he treats you like an absolute queen

- there are so many skinnier and "prettier" girls he can be with if he wanted to

- so why isn't he?

- not that you're doubting his love for you!!

- you just don't understand him

- so one day you finally decide to sit him down and open up about your insecurities

- he would listen to every single word that comes out of your mouth with great interest

- and when you're done he'll hit u with the "fym?"

- unironically.

- it's not that he wasn't listening, he just doesn't get it

- like fym my super funny, cute, amazing gf feels insecure cuz I have more of her to hug??

- again, he's not mocking you or making fun of you for being insecure

- he just thinks you're so perfect already and it genuinely doesn't get into his head how someone like you can be insecure

- let's be honest, he doesn't seem like the type of person that would be the best at comforting you 😭

- he does it in his own.. unique way

"I think I'm ugly.."

"well you're wrong?"

- and he's DEAD SERIOUS too

- i feel like it would take him a moment or two take the situation more seriously

- like for a few minutes he would just be (playfully) gaslighting you into thinking your opinion on yourself is loud and wrong 😭

- after seeing that his lighthearted and playful gaslighting wasn't working, he starts taking the situation a little more seriously

"what made you think like this?"

- trust me he is READY to go and beat the LIFE out of whoever made you doubt yourself

"no one, kei, I just don't understand.. you could be with whoever you want-"

"and I want you??"

- he's not joking.

- he means it.

- he might not be the best at comforting but he's GREAT at speaking his own opinion

"if I didn't like you the way you are I wouldn't be with you 🤷🏻‍♀️" simple as that

- you two end the conversation somewhere at that point

- but did your insecurities stop there?

- well no not exactly

- I mean yeah, you were convinced that baji liked you the way you were

- but you still believe he deserves better

- he might not notice immediately how you start eating less and less

- or how, even when you do eat, you suddenly have to use the bathroom after every meal

- only did he notice it when he was passing the bathroom and heard you gagging

- he immediately barges in and sees you over the toilet, trying to make yourself throw up

- he's so confused and so worried :((

"what happened?? you looked like you were enjoying the food??"

- he takes you to his bedroom and sits you down, demanding an explanation

- you finally explain to him that you're sick and tired of not fitting into beauty standards and not feeling pretty

- you tell him everything

- and he just stands there like 🧍🏻‍♀️

- takes him a few seconds to process everything before he just hugs you

- tightly

- I'm saying you can barely breathe

- and now that you've opened up, it's his turn to open up

- he starts telling you everything he likes about you

- how he loves hugging you because you're so comfy, how he loves when you take his clothes cuz they look big on you, how he loves resting his head on your tummy because is so soft and comfortable

- not once would he use the words "fat" or "chubby"

- he calls you "thicc" or "fluffy"

- idk how to explain it I just see him like that LMAO

- he understands that recovering from eds isn't as easy as 123

- he's willing to be patient for once

- he starts helping you slowly recover from it

- if it's anorexia he would help you start eating again

- he would (ask his mom to) make some food for you

- wouldn't force it down your throat, obv

- but he would try make you eat it

- if its bulimia, he would be super overprotective

- doesn't let you go to the bathroom right after a meal

- like you could sht yourself right here and now he's not letting you 😭

- he's trying okay!!

- he would try to make you let him come to the bathroom to make sure you're not going to throw up everything

- he would also distract you when you start having negative thoughts of yourself with play fighting

"I said I'd beat up anyone who talks badly of you, including yourself"

- obviously wouldn't actually hurt you

- he'd just tickle you and wouldn't let you go until you say something nice about yourself

"k-kei please I can't!!"

"I'm not stopping until you do what I told you"

"f-fine, fine!! I'm pretty, I-I'm worthy of love!! I love my body!!"

"that's more like it"

- would attack you with kisses after that

- if you feel insecure because you can't fit in your clothes?

- best believe he's gonna go to mitsuya and ask him to hand make you clothes that would fit

- hypes you up frfr

"who tf let you look that hot??" 🤨

- you're in your pjs, hair all messed up, eyes droopy since you just woke up

"are u fr? kei, look at me."

"hot."

- and he means it

- he would downplay your insecurities by proving you're much lighter than you think you are

"kei, I'm giant!"

"oh yeah?" 🤨

- challenge accepted

- lifts you up into the air with ease

- puts you on his shoulder like in that tiktok trend (I literally love it sm wth 😭)

"you're real light for a giant."

- would also encourage you to sit on his lap

- yes he can feel the weight, yes he likes your weigh on him

- might get hard from it 💀

- all in all, he loves you, and NO ONE is allowed to talk badly about his girl, not even you yourself :P

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

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nwarrior777 · 4 months ago

Text

The "Fat fetish" Panic is starting really annoying me, and today i am furious enough to talk about it

It's really long post

Here is the conclusion. But i very recommend to read the whole one especcially if you disagree with the conclusion

It is okay to be angry that there is no much alternative image of fatness, that we don't see a lot of fat characters in not kinky or in not offensive images. But the problem here is not in "too much fat kink images" but in "not enough good fat representation".

You will not create more good representation by being angry on people who have fat fetish, draw fat art or love fat art. Fat fetish panic is not making media more representative. It's just producing hatefull atmosphere

Fat kink is just one of kinks. And kinks is normal part of sexual/romantic activity. And choosing from all the kinks the one only because of fatness element to be cringe - it's just fatphobia, which people learn from society rules but a lot of not even try to question it

and first question you need to ask here is - where is word "skinny fetish" if it is so much about "fat fetish"?

fat fetish. mhm. where is skinny fetish when? have you even heard a phrase "skinny fetish before this post, m?

maybe such thing doesn't exist because being skinny is sexy by default is society rule! somehow going all 🥵🥴🤤 in comments of some skinny model and being horny for 6 packs torso of some guy is totally fine, and not considered as kink! but same with fat - oh! ew! fatfetishist!

but fat is unhealthyyyy - dystrophy is medical diagnosis! anorexia is medical diagnosis! didn't people hear about it? and don't tell me that it's something out of social norm too - i had anorexia! beat it completely! it's possible! but then i had it i *loved* then people told me i am too skinny and it was compliment to me. also my weight now go up and down because today i can afford delivery, tomorrow i don't have money for rent - and guess what i get in my worst times then i literally starving, on stress, or getting sick to the point of loosing weight? COMPLIMENTS. "oh wow you loosed weight!" - dude i didn't have money for food to the point of going to charity food box donations, TWICE in a year, and didn't go for more only because the place doesn't do this now! am i suppose to see aftermaths of it as smth positive???

also, don't see hate comments on every photo of guys who drink alco and energy drinks, smoke sigaretes and vapes and etc!

you, if you smoke, and i ask cause seems like everyone around smoke or vape now

have you been recieving hate letters? annoying endless advices in comments to go on anti addictive therapy? annoying endless advices to go to hospital on check your lungs? m?

mmmm oh that tons of hate on that image from that cyberpunk film with smoking woman, or under any image of smoking in tender scenes, yeah, so many hate on this unhealthy everyday human habit which people do much more than meals times- except of course there is no any hate about it anywhere whyyy becaaause smoking considered sexy as society rule! kinda start to see pattern here!

in a lot of country you can even smoke on streets there is no law to stop it! remind me, i just don't read this type of bullshit posts much, but, they do write smth about "unhealthy fatness propaganda" like you can transmitt fatness to someone. bitches literally smoking right to my face on street, at home, literally making me unhealthy, and everyone is fine about it, and even i , non smoker, expected to be fine about it, people get * surprised * that i don't like smoke of sigaretes and vapes. the fuck "dangerous fat propaganda making people fat" these fatphobs are talking about?

so yeah, narrative about care for health in discurse about fat fetish [fatness in general, but we are about fetish today] is of course total bullshit. and people should stop pretend that it has any logic under

so first point is - skinny isn't fetish, unhealthy things considering as sexy, but the sudden hell fat is fetish.

but!

even if it is sometimes kinky! why the sudden hell from all the fetishes this one is bad?

some fetishes include fat praise, or something connected, like * gasp * stuffing ( oh no, having big tasty dinner with your lover, what a horrifiing concept! ). so what? people find it more weird or more dangerous than some other kinks? hmmmmm. intresting, let's see that kinks we have on list

[for the record - kinks are fine. *all* . and, if you not familiar with concept of kink sex play - consent of everyone involved is part of process, its so obvious i will not even stopping to elaborate on it]

sooo! what do we have

bdsm things. the core is kind of agression-domination part involved. mmm! sounds dangerous! oh, sorry, dangerous looking guys with slapping thing (idk how it is called, not into it) getting all theirs 🥵🥴🤤!

ah and art! especially with fantasy scenarios. all those vampire characters biting neck of people, blood all around!!! aaa, danger! no? somehow it's even more 🥵🥴🤤? hmmm strange! why! it's bite, it's blood! still 🥵🥴🤤 oh what if i add

a fat to this! fantasy scenario, vampire took too much blood and now fat. and its still kinky art! oh, now it's ew and kinda cringe. well, not so cringe if fatness is not the focus of sexyness, mhm. if skinny hands of vampire in focus, all in blood, and the blood is focus, and the fangs and all this, yk, not so safely shit in focus its fine and 🥵🥴🤤. back to our gained weigh vampire - if clothes is tight, and focus is on his body, it's cringe? mhmmmm

soooo whatever dangerous dominating shit is happening it's fine [btw biting, to the bloodmarks, is not so much fantasy kink] but if the focus of kink art is character getting fat, it's cringe. why it's cringe when character on kinky art got fat? it's dangerous kink - nope, with skinny bloody vampire everything is fine and its 🥵🥴🤤. getting fat is unhealthy - 1) nope, look above 2) getting sucked blood almost to death (or to death! yes i watched compilation with that astarion scene where he could kill you by his bite! any hate? guess!l doesn't sound like smth very healthy. like smoking which is also 🥵🥴🤤 in tender scenes!

oh we are connecting dots here are we

so why is vampire sucking blood in very detailed art with blood all around and bite and fangs is sexy but this + fat is cringe?

yes, because in society rules fat is cringe element! math!

btw about cringe. what over fetishes are "cringe"? mmm. foot fetish? that director bitch in Hollywood made carrier out of that. furry? well someone find them weird, but if we will include them to discussion we will need to explain much more and open whole new world to the guys, so sorry dude who is still confused if trans man is someone who wants more masculine body or vice versa, you are not invited to the conversation today. so furry - everyone fine with! [not my thing but big regards!]. that new (?) thing with pool toys - don't see hate about it! and blow job, which is well, not much logical thing to do with each other body is not even considered as kink thing at all!!! oh, eating genitails, where your piss comes from? mmm not weird at all it's such usual thing, we can even show some jokes about it on television! well, kinda in 😉😉😉 way, but! like, the f-?

and from all of it - what is weird? fat

???

playing with the fat body, weight gain scenarios. bdsm is fine, but, what lesson we learned? right bdsm + fat is weird!

i hope you saw the pattern too!

So to the conclusion

Fat kink is just one of kinks. And kinks is normal part of sexual/romantic activity. And choosing from all the kinks the one only because of fatness element to be cringe - is fatphobia

#oh shit i wanted to work on this post in notes but missclicked and posted #well go you go by fate

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thelov3lybookworm · 2 years ago

Note

Hi! I really like your writing style, and

I would like to request an Azriel x reader fic, but you can ignore this if you don't feel comfortable with it. So, lately I've been having a few problems with an ED (anorexia nervosa), and I think that reading how Azriel would react and deal with reader struggling with it, would help me and comfort me in some way.

I repeat, if you don't feel comfortable with writing this, it's completely okay, you don't have to do it. Whatever your choice will be, thank you in advance! ❤

With her.

Summary: Azriel finds out his mate's relationship with food, and tries to convince her to see Madja.

•○●⛦●○•

A/n: hello anon! Thank you for the ask, I love the idea. Also, I'm soo sorry you have to go through that and I hope you get better 🫶☺️ also any and all information I have was provided by Google, so please feel free to correct me if I write something wrong.

Hope you like it and hope it helps you in any way ❣️

•○🌑○•

Her chest heaved, her throat scratched as she hovered over the bowl, having just hurled her guts up. She slumped back against the wall, clutching her head.

Y/n stayed there for a couple of minutes before standing and turning to the mirror. She stared, then washed her face.

Before she left, though, she checked once to make sure the shield she had put up around the bathing room was up, because her newly found mate was in the house. She didn't want him to hear her.

And then all the blood drained from her face as she realised that she, while puking, had unintentionally left the shield down.

Her heart started beating wildly.

She was sure Azriel had heard her. There was no way he hadn't.

Even though the two of them had worked for Rhysand for centuries, they had barely had any interactions. And so, after they found out a month ago that they were mates, they were trying to get to know each other more. They'd been having dinner, and then she had excused herself, saying she needed to use the restroom.

She hesitantly stepped into her room, relieved but confused to find it empty. She had thought Azriel would be waiting in here to interrogate her. Did he not hear? Maybe she let the shield down after she was finished?

She decided to go down to the living room where Azriel was sitting before she left him there.

She found him staring into the fire, his jaw clenched.

"Hey, I'm back."

He turned to her and gave her a small smile. They then sat talking for some time, and with every moment that passed, the tension slowly bled from her shoulders. Maybe he hadn't heard anything, and she was worrying for no reason.

They talked carelessly, though Az continuously studied her.

"Are you in pain?" He asked, gesturing to her stomach.

She hadn't even realised she had wrapped her arms around herself until he pointed it out. But she was, in fact, in pain. She didn't think there was any harm in telling him about her abdominal pain, so she nodded.

"Nothing much though. It will subside."

"Are you nearing your cycle?"

She nearly laughed. "No. I haven't had my cycle in quite some time now."

"Why?" He asked, his stare intense.

She faltered. "Why what?"

"Why haven't you had your cycle?"

"Because..." That was when she realised that she was in deep shit. The male she was now taking to wasn't her mate. No, it was the Spymaster of the Night Court, and she was going to be interrogated.

"I always wondered why you made such elaborate meals for others but never ate them yourself. How you, somehow, never seem to be hungry. The unusual visits to the bathing room after eating."

"Azriel–"

"Are you having problems love?" He stood, coming towards her and crouching in front of her. His hands landed on her knees as he searched her face.

"You know that you can tell me anything, right?"

She nodded, blinking back tears.

"Then please tell me what you're going through. I want to help."

"I... I don't know how to tell you... its just–" She stopped speaking, wondering how to approach the topic. He stayed silent, rubbing circles on her thigh, letting her take her time. He wasn't going to let it go, so she had to tell him.

And then, all of it came out. She told him of how her mother had always wanted her to be perfect, and not being skinny was unacceptable. And so, in order to please her mother, she started eating less and less, eventually resorting to throwing up anything she ate.

"But your mother passed years ago. Why did you not stop?" He questioned gently, now sitting next to her.

She shook her head. "She had planted the image of perfection in my mind. If someone was not skinny, it took away from their beauty. I became obsessed with perfection. Or atleast what I thought was perfection.

"Whenever I looked at Mor, I would want to be perfect. And then, Feyre and her sisters came along. It worsened my obsession with being skinny."

"What are you saying?"

"They are just so damn beautiful. They have great figure, and even when they were mortal, they could have rivaled many fae females. And I want to be like them. Perfect. Someone who you could love. Someone worthy."

"No. Love, please don't think like that. I'm sorry you had to go through that, but you're beautiful as you are. I couldn't care less about your figure. I would love you no matter what."

Tears ran down his face as he said those words, and she instantly felt bad. She buried her face in his neck, trying to stop the tears.

"I'm sorry."

"What for? There is nothing you should be sorry about."

They stayed that way for quite some time, with him rubbing her back and constantly murmuring about how perfect she was and how she didn't need to do this. She sobbed into his chest, the guilt eating at her.

"Stop. Stop, don't feel guilty about it." She realised he could feel her emotions through the bond.

"Love? I suggest we go to Madja. She would know how to help."

"I don't need help." She mumbled, pulling away from him and clutching her knees to her chest.

"Y/n, darling, please..." When she again shook her head, he paused. Then, as if coming up with an idea, he spoke again. "How about we make a deal?"

"What deal?" She asked quietly.

"We go to Madja, and you follow her instructions and try to get better. In return, at the end of every week, I'll do anything you say."

She thought about it. She knew what she was doing was unhealthy, and she did want to get better. If not for herself, then for Azriel. Which was messed up, considering she should be doing this for herself. But this could be a start.

"Anything?" She whispered.

He grinned. "Anything."

"So if I tell you to wear a chicken costume and go out onto the streets and squawk around for the whole day, you'll do it?"

A blush rose to his cheeks, knowing how embarrassed he would be, but he leaned closer. "If that is what it takes."

She blushed, leaning back, but he followed her until their noses bumped. He pecked her lips once, twice, before resting his forehead on hers. "I'll do anything to make you happy."

She smiled.

If he was ready to do anything for her, even wear a chicken costume for her, to help her, then she'll be damned if she became a barrier stopping him from his goal.

"And, if you don't eat in a healthy way, you'll have no energy. And you need that for when we eventually accept the bond."

She stared at him for a moment, wondering what the hell he meant. But when she realised, she stood, sputtering, her face a burning mess. He grinned cockily, leaning back as his hands came to rest behind his head, his legs spread.

"I mean, it'll go on for a week at the least, maybe even a month. More than that, if all goes to plan. So, what do you say?"

She nodded, fighting the smile threatening to overtake her face. "Okay, I'll go." She sat back down, snuggling into his side.

He kissed her head, wrapping his arms and wings around her. "Love? I just want you to know that you don't need to hurry. Take it at your pace. Don't worry about anything else. I'll be there for you in this journey, every step of the way. And when you finally come out on the other side, I'll be waiting for you. I'll always wait for you."

She smiled. She knew it was true.

He would be there for her, no matter what.

And her situation didn't seem so bad, now that he was with her.

They would get through this. Together.

•○🌑○•

Taglist: @eos-princess @bubybubsters

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cosmogify · 6 months ago

Text

Friday Night Fightin - BF Reference Sheet!

Been going back and forth of adding this silly guy into the rgbfverse and just decided "fuck it". I throw you Mikey, the angel singer combatant.

Friday Night Fightin GF Ref Sheet

Friday Night Fightin Pico Ref Sheet

Name: Mikey Angel

Nickname: Mic, Chichi (like, chihuahua)

Birthday: 2nd April (so close)

Age: 25 (the midget's 25???)

Orientation: Panromantic asexual

Species: Angel creature thing

Height: 5'0 ft (SHORT AHH me who's 4'11)

Weight: 80 lbs (due to having anorexia) (body envy is scary)

Voice: Just normal BF chromatics but with statics here and there from vocal straining. Screams similar to Whitty.

Relationship Status: Dating

Family: Garrett Angel (father), Medana Anděl (mother, they have a picture frame of her with a small vase of flowers and had passed away early in his years)

Partner(s): Stacie Daemon (fightin!GF), Derrick Dino (fightin!Pico) (Stacie's boyfriend)

Friends: Neena Arachnes (fightin!Nene), Darnell Phoenix (fightin!Darnell), Skid Skelly and Pump Pumpkin (fightin!SkidandPump)

Acquaintances: John Dino (fightin!Tankman), Marco Daemon (fightin!DaddyDearest), Janice Daemon (fightin!MommyMearest)

Enemies/Rivals: Derrick Dino (they clash in playfighting a lot), Ayumu Obake (fightin!Senpai)

Personality: A hyperactive individual, even when alone. Constantly on his feet, he will never go a day without singing his lungs out or initiating a battle (purposeful and accidental), whether that's with his fists, rap skills or a silly game of rock paper scissors. If you beat him in Rock, Paper, Scissors he will instantly see ya as a homie. Although he's positive in almost every situation, he's also heavily blunt with his words and says shit in front of his challenger's face to taunt them. He thinks and knows he's the shit when fighting someone, so he tends to come out very prideful or standoff-ish whenever he wins. Despite this, he takes his losses with high spirits, cheering for his challenger and hypes the both of them for a future battle. Despite dating GF and Pico in extension to her, he never cared much nor did he understand the concepts of romance, however he does deeply care for the two of them like he does with his parents, and thinks of the two as family and will show just as much affection. Oh, and people compared him to a chihuahua a lot. Despite his hyperactiveness, he cares a lot about boundaries and would usually talk a few feet away from someone (knowing how loud he is himself, people can hear him just fine). He can be mature when he needs to, but is extremely difficult to stay that way without immense fidgeting on his arm bands, halo and tail. He cannot sit still for his life.

Personality flaw: He rarely thinks before he acts, but whenever he does it's usually when a person he cares was in distress or from seeing his reflection. He's extremely stubborn to not acknowledge his eating disorder and body envy towards the people around him. He would comment of how ugly his figure is without thinking at times, which makes his friends and loved ones worry about him by accident. His hyperactive body also detriments him, being extremely fidgety and no matter how much energy he used up through the day he would still be too restless to sleep and ends up sleep deprived the next day, which is why it is one of the main reasons he thinks that food was a problem, despite having nothing but water half the time. He has been trying to calm his hyperactivity down by participating in slow hobbies but no luck so far.

Likes: Rock and punk music, singing, battles, rock paper scissors, winning, his family, his homies, playing guitar, side hugs, high energy activities, running in the rain, words of affirmation.

Dislikes: Food, flavoured drinks (he would vomit due to tasting like fruit), coffee (used to be a coffee addict when he was younger, now despises it with every fiber of his being), being reminded of his body and weight, mirrors.

Powers: Mic whip and stand melee (basic combo attacks), Mic stand sweep and dash (heavy combo attacks), Wing jump (uses his wings to jump high and fly in the air), Arrow soundwaves (screams into his mic tail to create a piercing soundwave at a certain direction), Mic ground pound (bashes his mic to the ground to create a shockwave around him when dashing down), Telekinesis (only uses it on his mic stand and other small items), Guitar manifest (His mic stand shapeshifts into an electric guitar and shreds the arena stage with a sick tune, knocking back enemies and does small continuous damage), Teleportation (Uses his halo to open a portal, he cannot jump through AUs with it).

Backstory:

Ares, the world where myths, folklore and tales overpopulate the planet. Harpies and dragons soaring through the air, giants roam the mountains as people of the deep sea rule the waters. Human was never a concept in this universe, and yet they're often quite emotional for such mystical beings. Their beliefs in plain sight through their entire existence.

Mikey and his family were no different. Throughout his younger years he was very much known to be a shy kid. His father didn't bother to take note of that, too busy protecting him from any type of harm after his late mother passed away. Of course, since he was an angel, his thoughts had reasoned him that he was the reason she passed. She had given her life to him, and he must repent in unconditional love to his family. It wasn't out of pessimism, it was only a matter of fact. Through this, he would idolise his father, wanting to follow his examples and become a great guardian angel just like him.

7 years old

As he walked to his school and past the university, he couldn't help but indulge in the sin of envy as he watched the older students walking along the pavement and from the crossroads. They were all adorned in handsome or gorgeous clothing, accessories, makeup, whatever fashion style you can think of, and above all else were their body physiques. He can't help but envy them. Heavens, even looking through his own family photos he was envious of how well dressed they were.

Unconsciously, he hugged himself by the sides, standing next to the stop sign as traffic continued in front of him. All he was wearing was a plain polo shirt with shorts and clean blue hair. He shouldn't be thinking something so sinful like this but here he is, jealous of the people around him. He…he needs to do something about this. He remembers his dad always drinking coffee whenever he worked in his office room, it seemed to be what had helped him to get through the day, maybe it would help him as well…

13 years old

He had been drinking the beverage almost daily, for all 3 meals. The caffeine had helped him exponentially, it had made him more energetic, more outgoing, more social. It made him curious of multiple hobbies he had never considered trying. He had made many friends with his classmates and people outside of school, he even made his dad pay attention to him and smile for longer than 1 second.

He had been riding this high for so long he never noticed the side effects at first, his mind obsessed in the world of dueling, a well known and beloved sport amongst various creatures. He would take any opportunity to participate in one, every match being different than the last. He felt accepted in a way, he wouldn't trade this feeling for the world.

15 years old

He felt awful.

Everywhere on his body felt awful, it felt like he had puked everything and his stomach out of him. He had tears fall uncontrollably from his eyes, had he hurt someone? Of course he did, why would someone hate him if he hadn't hurt them. He didn't even know who he had hurt. But right now he felt too weak in the little bathroom he'll be occupying for the rest of the night, he felt his growing tail curling behind him.

This was his punishment, wasn't it. He had engulfed himself in the sins of gluttony, envy and pride, and now he's paying for them immensely. His father looked so ashamed of raising such a child, he should've let nature take its course, he should've just gone with the flow like the other angels. If he did, he wouldn't be in such a state right now.

He needed to go for a run, he can't…bear staying still like this. But he deserved it. He knew this.

19 years old

A duel ring tournament had started again this New Year. His halo hummed as it reflects the summer rays, his tail swaying behind him with an overwhelming excitement to each swing. Right! New year, new him! He fiddles with the spiked bracelets on his wrists as he waits in line to enter the tournament.

"Mikey?"

A familiar voice had perked his ears up as his entire body practically spun towards the direction he heard it from.

"St-Stacie?"

The New Year tournament was being held at his college sports field, and only the students attending it can participate.

"Oh my gosh, Mic! It really is you!"

"W-Wait a minute-!"

She would pace herself into a girly jog, with Mikey unable to react fast enough he was quickly swept off his feet into a tight bear hug, causing a scene in the line. If Stacie's here doesn't that mean-.

"Oi we're in public, Stace. We are not getting fucking kicked out the moment we got here, for fuck's sake."

As expected, Derrick was right behind her as he picked up the both of them from the 1v1 participation line. Once they were in an unoccupied spot, the dino finally sets his partner and old friend down.

"Oh come on dearie, aren't you also excited to see him?"

To prove her point, she softly pinched the bewildered angel's cheeks pulled them gently, accentuating his adorableness.

"H-Hey! Cut it out man, it hurts!"

He patted the pinching hands away from his face but couldn't hold in the giggle from his initial shock. Honestly, he didn't expect his two old friends to be his seniors, but at the same time relieved to see them again after 4…5 years? But the most unexpected was they were now chatting with each other as if his sudden absence had never happened, talking about each other's subspecies and online gossip (mostly from Stacie) on social media. Of course, their light hearted reunion had to end soon.

"I'm probably not the best person to be sayin' this and all, but ya look…ugh, fuck it, ya look like you'll snap in half in a second. Is…everythin' alright back home, Mic?"

Ouch, that…slightly stung, Mikey had to admit. Sure he was blunt himself, but Dee takes the whole cigarette and drags it like it's honey to his lungs. However, it was obvious that the reptilian meant well. He can't blame him for mentioning the obvious.

"Derrick, that was rude!"

"I'm sorry sweets but I had to say it out."

"At least frame it nicely.."

"H-Hey guys! It's fine, really!"

His two close friends looked back at him with both concern and wariness. Mikey never really talked much about his family to them, only hearing the obvious admiration he has to his father. Despite the many good things he had spouted about his old man, they didn't exactly bought it, even if they were genuine. Almost out of habit, he rubbed the back of his neck, fiddling with his choker nervously.

"Uhm, so you guys are also taking part in the tournament?"

He was deflecting them, making the two all the more worried of their close friend and crush. As much as they want to push on the sensitive matter, today is supposed to be a joyful occasion for the New Year. With reluctant looks between the dating couple, they decided to go along instead, lest they'd lose him again like before.

"Oh, yea. We were just about to head over to the 3v3 line and planned to find our last teammate after booking!"

"Wait, don't they usually asked for names first before booking?"

"Well, yes..! Oh! Buuut if you join us then we'll have a full team again to take part! Don't you agree, Dee?"

It was surprisingly good luck in disguise when they received that sudden text from their missing teammate being unable to join. She lightly fluttered her lashes at her partner in a mocking plea, to which she was given with an eye roll and a small smile (ignore the slight blush to his cheeks).

"Yea, yea I do. You'd bring em along anyway without me needing to say shit really."

"Hehe, oh you know me too well hun!"

"Uh, hellooo?! Don't I get a say in this?"

Out of exaggeration, Mikey pointed at himself with an offended look of being ignored by the couple. Stacie couldn't help but giggle and grabbed his hand gently, their fingers intertwining perfectly together. With a bright smile on her face, you'd almost forget she's a demon.

"Nope!"

Almost.

Although he wouldn't admit it right now, it was nice to see these two again, glad even. Hopefully he doesn't mess up their friendship again like before. He'll need to try at least.

Additional notes:

You can add different piercings and face accessories on him if ya like.

His other eye is there, it's just under his halo.

The scars are optional since they're only battle scars

His wire tail can extend pretty far hehe

I actually don't listen to heavy metal WHEEZE

#rgbfverse #fnf #fnf au #ref sheet #fightin!bf #friday night funkin #fnf boyfriend #fnf bf #fnf fanart #boyfriend fnf #info dump

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lesbian-moon-gf · 28 days ago

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everyone's like "how'd you get such a great bra?" and i say herroom.com, next question. and then they ask how did you get massive tits? and then i look at them serenely as if i've been waiting for this question all my life "i let go of the idea that gaining weight is bad. i stop policing myself on how, what, when, and why i ate. i beat anorexia. i gained weight. if i wanted to walk it was for my mental health and not some unattainable goal of a number." they pause then ask "that's it?" and i say "well it helped that my muscle butch girlfriend gets insanely horny when i enjoy a really good cookie."

#moon #so yeah #it was honestly the best thing i've done for myself #yes she's a feeder #i still have some fatphobia to work on #but most importantly i stopped hating myself for being me!!

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sizzlingcandyjellyfishhhhhh · 4 months ago

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sometimes when I’m around my mom I wear a huge push up bra to try and beat the anorexia allegations

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lildashofheaven1 · 8 months ago

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Ed recovery- Headcanons

Jamie Campbell Bower x y/n

Ways jamie would help you through your Eating Disorder

‼️TW‼️ discussion of EDs and trauma

Hey loves! So i got a message request for Head canons on how jamie would be with someone who suffers with anorexia, the person wanted to remain anonymous so hence im not putting who requested it. As someone who has suffered with EDs in the past i cannot say enough how important it is that you get help, at the end of this post im going to put in some links to support networks that work wonders and that i have used before. Stay healthy bbys🖤

Would never make you feel like a burden EVER

Wouldn’t force you to eat but would encourage it with things like “angel i really think you should try and eat something today” and “you feeling okay my love? Do you want me to make you something?”

Becomes aware very quick of what triggers you and what to avoid saying or doing

If you manage to eat then then he SHOWERS you with praise

If you begin to feel self conscious (a/n weve all been there girly) and wish to hide yourself in hoodies etc. Of course jamie tells you and shows you how much he thinks your body is perfect, but if you want to snuggle about in his hoodie than he is not against it

Additionally he forever compliments you “your looking beautiful today my love, you do everyday just extra lovely today”

Poor boy gets frazzled sometimes as he would rather die than do anything to upset or trigger you

If you go out to eat with friends you establish a code word or something letting him know that your struggling and that tells him that you need to excuse yourself from the group so he can calm your anxieties.

Also with going out to eat, if your ed makes you extremely picky about food (a/n 16 year old me is nodding her head rn!!) than he ensures to double check with the waiter that what your asking for is whats going to be given to you.

If you refuse to go to any kind of therapy then he spends a long while discussing it with you “baby, therapy can do so much for you, just give it a chance for me?”

He so keeps a journal with you of how your doing with your eating and how your feeling

If ANYONE dares make a joke about your size, he is SO QUICK to shut that asshole down, and even after continues to shoot daggers at them because how dare they hurt his one and only.

Will forever tell you how beautiful you are and how your illness does not define you!

To the person who sent the request to me i really hope this helps in some way i know you mention that reading things like this on tumblr is your way of escaping so i hope this helps but please look after yourself im always here if you want to talk 🖤

#joseph and jamie #stranger things #stranger things season four #jamie and joseph #jamie campbell bower #jamie campbell bower x reader #jamie #joe quinn #jamie bower #joseph quinn

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christinescupofcoffee · 6 months ago

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no idea why I never did a writeblr introduction post but better now than never!

the name’s Hannah, also known as nirvhannah, but lately I’ve been going by my middle name of Christine. My specialty is science fiction, but I’ve also indulged in erotica, gothic horror, and even shitty romance. My stories are complex and layered, filled with emotion and a very dry sense of humor—regardless of whether it’s fanfiction or not. My stories are getting more and more gutsy, in the humor and content, with the passing of time, too. My writing has also been described as “verbose” and I even had a teacher liken it to Gabriel García Marquez.

I’ve been toiling away at fanfiction since 2019 and aside from a couple of works, nothing I make seems to strike something with people. I actually got my start with original fiction, going all the way back to when I could pick up a pencil and when I could read. I wrote my first short story when I was 6, my first novella at 13, and I wrote my first novel at 24, in 2017, called “Black Rain,” which I wrote in memory of my fallen friend, Chris Cornell. Yes, THAT Chris Cornell.

I wrote so much after he died… 1+ million words to be exact. Then I started my ao3 account and I’ve now clocked in close to 5 million words. I developed quite the work ethic during quarantine and now it’s this pervasive itch, this desire I have. I have to write or I’m going to lose my mind.

I’m actually an artist, doing my own cartoon style since I was 13. I also have years of experience in the field of STEM, so I know all about the pretensions, the near-inhuman behavior, and the way they look down their nose at everything (“think outside the box”? pfff, not like that, you’re not). I used to be really fat, too—well, I used to have an eating disorder, I needed to overcome it somehow. But I’ve shed close to 100 pounds in the last 15 months as of writing, so I can actually say I beat anorexia and obesity (I’m still a little chubby, too—I actually don’t mind it, tbh). It gets really weird when I say I’m an award-winning baker: I won 1st place for my chocolate babka this year!

as for my writing, I have the usual grandiose daydreams about getting published but truthfully, I don’t see it happening. I’m too twisted, too “out there”, too spicy, too dry, and I tend to veer into burlesque territory at times and publishers are pussies now. Plus, I tend to inject a great deal of darkness into everything. But I’m here, writing things that range from a few hundred words to 1.1 million words.

I’ve got my masterlist. Currently, I’ve got nine passion projects and my ao3. I’ve got notes for original stories from years ago. I’ve got memories, I’ve got shit.

(I should also mention that this is a side blog so I can’t follow back)

#writeblr #writing community #writers community #writers of tumblr #writeblr intro #writeblr community #writeblrcafe #creative writing #science fiction #scifi #gothic literature #erotizm #literature #fanfic #wip #wip intro #text #writing #writers on tumblr

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bittersbloom · 7 months ago

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𝑰. ── ㅤBASICS.

BIRTH NAME. cheryl lee

KOREAN NAME. lee chaerin

NICKNAMES. cher, rin, bangtan’s barbie, cherry bomb, the bitter one, kkoch, colorful lee, chaeprincess

BIRTHDATE. april 20, 1996

ZODIAC. taurus & rat

BLOOD TYPE. a+

BIRTHPLACE. san francisco, california

HOMETOWN. san francisco, california

ETHNICITY. korean

NATIONALITY. korean-american

LANGUAGES. english, korean, japanese

FAMILY. hannah hyun-ae yang (mother), david dae-ho lee (father), charlotte lee (younger sister; deceased)

SEXUAL ORIENTATION. unknown

RELATIONSHIP STATUS. in a relationship

𝑰𝑰. ── PHYSICAL.

FACE CLAIM. joy of red velvet

HEIGHT. 5’6” / 168cm

BODY MODIFICATIONS.

double lobe piercing (both), orbital (right), helix (both), tragus (left)

cherry tattoo (back of left arm), ‘j’ (left wrist), ‘444’ (inner right arm), angel wings (nape), infinity (left pinkie finger), lotus flower (front of right shoulder), two koi fish (spine)

𝑰𝑰𝑰. ── CAREER.

STAGE NAME. cheri

COMPANY. big hit music (2010-2020), chromatic creative (current)

POSITIONS. main vocalist, lead dancer, sub rapper, face of the group

REPRESENTATIVE EMOJI. 🐶 / 🍒

𝑰𝑽. ── PERSONA.

MBTI. ENFP-A

people with the ENFP personality type (campaigners) are true free spirits – outgoing, openhearted, and open-minded. With their lively, upbeat approach to life, ENFPs stand out in any crowd. but even though they can be the life of the party, they don’t just care about having a good time. these personalities have profound depths that are fueled by their intense desire for meaningful, emotional connections with others.

ENNEAGRAM. type 3 – the achiever

STRENGTHS. good-natured, fun-loving, confident, charming, hard-working

WEAKNESSES. petty, hot-headed, overly sensitive, nosy, naive, competitive

𝑽. ── TRIVIA.

HABITS. sitting criss-cross in any seat, repeating words back, leaving sticky notes to keep track of objects, always wearing socks, crying out of anger or frustration, counting beats without music playing, mixing languages in conversation, chronically undersharing

LIKES. gossip, watercolor painting, pottery, the ocean, yoga, 90s-00s music, flower arrangements, perfume, songwriting, watching sports, christmas time

DISLIKES. messiness, insects, overly salted foods, strong liquor, invasion of privacy, hospitals, wearing glasses, mornings, being bored, cooking, being alone

PHOBIAS. astraphobia (fear thunder & lightning), nosocomephobia (fear of hospitals)

MEDICAL CONDITIONS. vasovagal syncope, chronic post-traumatic arthritis, ankylosing spondylitis, generalized anxiety disorder, anorexia nervosa

ALLERGIES. shellfish (mollusks, specifically), coconut, pineapple, latex, wool

𝑽𝑰. ── FACTS.

cheri was initially a member of a group called GPOP alongside gfriend’s sinb and eunha. after the failure of the company’s girl groups, cheri was handpicked by RM to be a member of BTS. everyone has always had doubts about having a girl in the group, and this has caused many issues for cheri personally and as an artist.

she was homeschooled until she moved to korea. she attended hanlim arts school in the applied music department and graduated in 2015. in 2016, she began online courses at USC and graduated in 2020 with a BA in music. she would like to work for a master’s degree.

her younger sister had epilepsy and passed away in her sleep after a seizure. charlotte’s death was incredibly difficult for cheri to get over and she considered giving up training and moving back to california. she was talked out of quitting, and decided her stage name would be ‘cheri’ because that was charlotte’s nickname for her.

cheri opened a youtube channel in late 2019 and was incredibly active in 2020 posting vlogs, covers, and unreleased songs. people started being weird online and she has posted rarely since then.

she did not renew her contract with big hit in 2018: she was on hiatus and was unsure if she’d go back to idol life after the year she’d had. she stuck with it until 2020, and after negotiating for months, she did not renew. she officially left big hit in january of 2021 and signed with CHROMATIC CREATIVE. although she remains a member of BTS, cheri has not been active with the group since 2020.

since her private instagram account was leaked, cheri has spoken about her privacy and has made it very clear that she’s not afraid to take legal action. she loves her fans, but at the end of the day she just wants to make music and wants to keep what little privacy she has private.

in 2019, big hit music and pledis entertainment confirmed cheri and seventeen’s joshua were in a relationship after speculation of cheri being in a relationship with exo’s baekhyun. in 2024, cheri seemingly confirmed her engagement to joshua on instagram.

#º ✧ 。― an angel’s kiss in spring ╱ ❛ cheri ❜#ficnetfairy #kpop oc #idol oc #bts 8th member #fictional kpop community #fictional soloist #fictional idol oc #fictional idol community #fictional kpop idol

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growandrecover · 9 months ago

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Heyyy, me again! First of all I'd like to thank you for all your replies so far.

Second of all, I'd like to ask if you know of any communities centered around ED recovery. I know of two subreddits, but of them are... really bad. One is not recovery focused and is mostly overrun by pro-ana teenagers who are looking for advice for continuing their self harming behaviour. The other is recovery focused but every post is manually approved by mods and the mods approve like...5 % of posts and you aren't allowed to talk about anything slightly upsetting, even though there's a whole trigger warning flair so idk what's up with that. I feel like there's strength in community and while most of the members of my DBT group have some sort of eating disorder as well, it isn't really the focus of the sessions and we are discouraged from talking about it because not everyone is stable in their recovery.

Third of all, is it normal for extreme hunger to come in waves? I've always heard about it as like...this thing you get for a week or two straight and then you're alright, but after a while of starting recovery, I got extreme hunger for like two days and then nothing. And after a few weeks it was like a day again. Last week I didn't feel hungry nearly at all and didn't eat much, and this week I've feeling super ravenous. Like since Monday I've been feeling like a starving beast of some sort dhdhhdhsb. It isn't even necessarily physical hunger, like, yeah, sure, that too, but sometimes I feel dizzy and hungry and like I'm starving even though there's no physical pain in the stomach area.

Hey!! My deepest apologies for taking so long to respond. Life has been kind of hectic around here 🥲

I did some googling and here's what I found as far as groups go:

(As far as I know, they're all free. I went through all the registries and looked for payment options, and there were none. I haven't used any of them myself, though. I believe most of these take place in the US, so if you're not American, just let me know *if you're comfortable doing so, of course* and I'll look for more!! I did find a few that were taking people from all over the world, and one just for those residing in the UK and one for Australians.)

Eating Recovery Center: This one has a lot of different groups, though you can only be registered for one at a time. They're virtual meetings. I'm not certain if it's limited to those who live in the states or not, but if you live there, you should be able to access it.

Center For Discovery: This one also has a lot of different groups. They're virtual as well.

National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders: This one only has 2 groups, one for those with the disorder, and another for family members.

Project Heal: This one is a list of 30 different groups, separated by category (high-weight and larger bodies, body liberation, lgbtq+, neurodivergent, bipoc, clinicians in recovery, age specific, general support, Spanish speaking, male identifying, meal support, and support for family and friends)

National Alliance for Eating Disorders: Virtual meetings, but not as many categories. If you live in the states, there are a few in person meetings as well. Led by therapists.

The Eating Disorder Foundation: Virtual as well. Lots of different options as far as groups go. (Family and friends, people experiencing binge behaviors, trans and nonbinary, individuals 18+, individuals 50+, neurodivergent, both virtual and in person for lgbtq+ people 18 and older, individuals 30+, individuals 13-17, art journaling, health professionals in recovery, and several other in person groups.)

Beat Eating Disorders: Solely for people in the UK. These are chat rooms. (General support, bulimia support, BED support, anorexia support, ARFID support)

The Lotus Collaborative: Meets on Zoom every Friday 3:00 pm to 3:50 pm PST. Anyone who is working on their recovery journey is welcome to join.

Butterfly Foundation: I believe this is solely open to Australians. However, if you just so happen to live there, they have both virtual and web chat options.

Eating Disorders Anonymous: This one has both in person and Zoom meetings for people who live all over the world. They are location specific, but there are many options.

Eating Disorder (Ana, BED, Mia, & EDNOS) Recovery Support Group *through Facebook*: I'm not a member of this group, but it looks like it shouldn't be harmful. However, since it's private, I sent a request to join to make sure it won't be triggering. I'll delete it off this list if it is. The rules that lead me to believe that it won't be harmful are as follows: "1. No numbers: All numbers related to weight, food, exercise, measurements, etc must be replaced by x/xx/xxxx. 2. No bullying whatsoever. Bullies will be immediately banned without a warning. 3. All pictures must go in the comment section of your post! Selfies and body shots are not allowed! 5. This group is NOT a pro ed group or a pro self harm group. If you support those, this group is not for you." There are 33k members.

Project Heal: This one was already mentioned, but I just wanted to single it out because it's specifically for meal support.

Balance Eating Disorder Treatment Center: This group is titled "Virtual Contemplating Recovery Free Eating Disorder Support Group". They state that if you're asking yourself things like, "Am I sick enough? Do I even have an eating disorder? Can I fix this on my own? Will I ever know a life without the obsession?" you'd be a great fit for this meeting. They meet twice a month at no cost. There is an international option if you're not in America. I wasn't sure if you'd need this one or not, but I wanted you to have the option.

Ana, Mia, and EDNOS Recovery Support Group *through Facebook*: Again, I requested to join this group to be sure it wouldn't be triggering. I'll delete it off the list if it is. There are 27k members. This one has very similar rules to the first one.

(If these weren't what you were looking for, I got a lot of area specific ones in my search *not included in this list*. So if you were to search, you may find some for those who live near you. I searched "eating disorder recovery forum", "eating disorder support forum", "eating disorder support group online", and "anorexia recovery support groups")

Update: I just got into the first group (they seem to work very quickly) and scrolled through the posts a little bit. Everyone looks to be pretty mindful and helpful as well! If you have Facebook, I'd recommend this one!!

To answer the third part of your ask:

My extreme hunger was terrible. Oh my gosh, it was just absolutely wild. I know exactly what you mean when you say you feel like a starving beast. Mine went on for a few months, if I'm remembering correctly. I remember getting it around October, and it stayed until January -ish? It got so much worse around the holidays 😫. However, I think it's different for everyone.

I remember looking it up and found this (I found it again when I looked it up just now lol) : RecoveryWarriors.com

In case you don't feel like reading it, the author says, "It was the oddest feeling. My stomach might feel full, but I feel an innate calling to keep eating. And eating. And eating. I'd consume huge amounts of food at once and still scrounge for more." She goes on to say, "Extreme hunger is not something everyone recovering from a restrictive eating disorder will experience. However, most will. When you'll experience it and for how long differs, but it is usually a (scary) part of the recovery process."

She continues a little bit later,

"However, it may take quite a while for your hunger levels to go back to 'normal'. There's no way of knowing how long extreme hunger will last. For some people, they may only experience it for a few weeks. Other people may find themselves in a state of extreme hunger for months on end. Or, you may never experience extreme hunger." (Why Can't I stop Eating!: The Truth About Extreme Hunger, Savala)

This article by Registered Dietician, Shena Jaramillo, called Extreme Hunger in Eating Disorder Recovery explains what causes it, the signs, how to manage it, provides coping tools, and might help to answer your question a little bit further.

I hope this was at least somewhat helpful!! Let me know how the groups go (only if you want to, of course) and I'll be sure to check back in when I get into the 2 on Facebook :) 💗

#asks

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