#bc that grief is a part of him
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cry-ptidd · 6 months ago
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” Am I not right to weep? O my children, cursed children of a hateful mother - ”
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ruporas · 1 year ago
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feast (ID in alt)
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#tw blood#im posting this so late because october escaped me Suddenly.. hello....#i wanted to make it a photoset with this other vampire vw wip but i don't think i'm finishing it any time soon and the mood of it is#completely different anyway. also i don't think i ever shared anything about my vampire au on here !!! it's all old art by now so im shy lo#but maybe i'll do a photodump of it. long story short vash is a vampire since birth and ww is a human vampire hunter that turns during thei#travels together due to EoM experiments + getting vash to drink from him at some point.#humans turn once they get bitten but bc ww has been experimented on#& got bitten by a bunch of human turned vampires thruout his hunts he thought it wouldn't be a problem for vash to drink from him but alas.#theyre both ok though theyre traveling together definitely not hating themselves for what theyve become and feeling guilty for what theyve#done to each other. theyre completely normal about it. the biting part is really appealing to me in vampire aus so i draw it a lot but#in reality vash only drank from ww once and ww mightve done it twice under the realization he might actually die otherwise#since he wont drink from humans after being turned.... he's combatting the 5 stages of grief at all times#if this is all nonsense im sorry DMGKSDF I'M NOT good at explaining and this au came from nowhere in the depths of my mind its a mess#ruporas art
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im-smart-i-swear · 8 months ago
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coming back home.
@barrenclan
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skunkes · 4 months ago
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my dad when im explaining the general plot of dungeon meshi to him with focus on thistle and falin bc thats what me and my friend cosplayed as and he wanted to know what the whole deal was and i get to the part where I have to explain what ultimately happens to thistle and get incredibly choked up about it
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possamble · 7 months ago
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I'm not allowed to be on social media for more than two seconds today but I just wanted to say that Laios will absolutely have his own reaction to all this as someone who would die for Falin but has also imprinted on Marcille as his Emotional Support Comphet White Girl Not-Girlfriend along the way
#a little creature#sometimes i look at the way i want marcille to be the closest thing hes ever had to a girlfriend but in a 100% platonic way and im like#is this what they mean by queerplatonic or have i just never had a dude best friend who wasnt like. a super fruity gay twink#anyway its gonna be as hard on him as it is for us bc he loves them both so much#the most important women in his life bar none#marcille probably slapped him when she got back tho. like she just saw his face and all the misdirected anger at him 'taking falin' just#rose up and burst again#its ok tho. you know she immediately broke down crying in his arms again blubbering incoherently bc she felt bad but also shes still mad#and she just doesnt know what to do with herself#the hardest part about this fic is that like. there are SO many juicy things going on offscreen#but. i have to breathe deep and keep calm and let them happen out of falin's POV#the ryoko kui method. what happens in the story happens and what happens outside can be explored in extras if need be#edit: also just figured out why ive been chafing a *little* bit against ppl assuming that it's the fear of falin dying that motivated#marcille's denial of her feelings so far#bc it's technically true but something just didn't sit right and i didn't wanna say anything until i figured it out#in little creature she has in part already realized that falin's passing is going to hurt no matter what she does right now#bc she's already passed the threshold of preemptive grief and sealed her own fate by how much she cares about falin#so it's not really... about that as much as it would have been during the canon story#it's just that. to acknowledge that she has romantic feelings for falin means recontextualizing their relationship in a way where#she has been the one hopelessly chasing while falin didn't realize/ignored her for the most part#and she couldnt allow that to be true both bc she couldnt bear to make falin the 'villain' in her love story#and bc she subconsciously knew the scope of pain would be too much for her to handle#so now my problem is. how do i make that clear in the fic from falin's POV without getting too heavy handed about it
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titanofthedepths · 4 months ago
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Everything about both Longtail and Swiftpaw, and Cinderpelt and Brightheart gets a LOT sadder when you realize that they’re family
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fakeoldmanfucker · 9 months ago
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Thinking about how apparently John can't go back to the First House/Earth, and how souls rub off on each other in proximity and they become more alike with time, and how souls want to return to their bodies. And what it would mean for John if he returned to Earth after more than ten thousand years of having part of Alecto's soul in his.
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hythlodaes · 1 year ago
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A sharp feeling digs into Emile’s chest, but there’s no anger in his voice when he says, “You presume to understand.”
“I only observe.”
And it goes unspoken: I knew you before you were like this.
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aroaessidhe · 5 months ago
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2024 reads / storygraph
The Loudest Silence
YA contemporary
a newly Deaf-Hard of hearing girl moves across the country and starts a new school, struggling with navigating her disability and love for singing and lost friendships - determined to not make any new friends for the year she’s in Florida
and a boy struggling with family expectations and anxiety, after being made the fútbal captain even though he secretly ways to be on broadway, who quickly befriends her
bi & aroace-coded MCs
#The Loudest Silence#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#hm this was okay! it’s a sweet and light YA contemporary focusing on friendship and disability.#It’s a little cheesy; and I liked the immediate easy friendship (well; after a few false starts) and how welcoming Hayden's#friend group/family were. I like how they all jumped to learning/practicing ASL.#I liked how Casey was dealing with her newfound Deafness with a lot of positivity - the main frustrations being how other people treat her#but there’s also the underlying isolation and grief. At the same time it didn't go as deep as it could have with that?#The friendship is central to the story - but honestly I feel like Casey and Hayden’s relationship doesn’t develop past ‘they’re friends now#[continues other subplots] - it ends up being a bit telling not showing their friendship. And then she gets a love interest.#I feel like if you’re centering your book on being a platonic love story - rare in YA! - giving one a love interest kinda goes against#what’s supposed to be unique about it? Like it wasn’t overwhelming and I thought it was sweet actually; I just didn’t come here for that.#I always find it a little odd when YA contemporary books don’t explicitly name their aroace characters as aroace -#obviously I prefer an exploration of experiences to just using the word and nothing else; but in this genre; why not both?#considering various other identity labels are used and discussed there were various points where it felt like it was walking circles#around where it would be obvious to say “no I’m aroace” lmao?#And there’s a point where Casey mentions seeing an ace sticker on his guitar - the only reason it wasn’t an aroace sticker is bc#that would have ruined the minor subplot of her assuming he’s gay/dating his other friend. It felt like a slightly odd way to mention it?#but also I guess I appreciate it being evident throughout but also being a non-issue plot wise - while there’s a couple of moments#of people making romantic assumptions about them;for the most part it’s just treated normally for a boy & girl to be friends (as it should!#It does get points for mentioning people watching by conan grey LMAO (not that it really explores him feeling that way specifically;#but I mean same lol)#Overall plot-wise - there were kind of a lot of things going on and it petered out a bit? I wanted some more depth in some areas.#Also I feel like some of the references seemed out of date for current teens haha.#i do love the love for unusual pets (hairless cat and iguana)#aroace books#bisexual books
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longagoitwastuesday · 4 months ago
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ngl it sort of pisses me off the way adults regard Gojo in Jujutsu Kaisen at times. Which could be a very interesting and poignant point in a good way if well written, but as it is it becomes mainly just frustrating and sad in a negative way.
Nanami saying Gojo never cared about anything or anyone other than himself crashes interestingly with Kusakabe saying the whole situation was just all his fault because he refused to kill Itadori. The students are very aware of those aspects of Gojo's personality, but overall they seem to regard him with way more kindness and fondness even when at their rudest, not truly coinciding with either Nanami's or Kusakabe's views.
#Kusakabe's words are harsh and negative but there's some true and some logic to them#but in beholding the entire story and the whole context‚ especially with the flashbacks in mind‚ in getting to know the sweet kid Yuuji is‚#the reader is made to find Kusakabe's words a bit outrageous and cruel and Gojo's position becomes the obvious one like Nanami's was#Like Kusakabe's is too in a way since he too says no matter what it's always the adults' fault whatever the cause was#And following the story we see Gojo cared a lot about those kids and them keeping their youthful cheerfulness if in his very flippant way#That's basically his main constant thread. We see it at the very beginning in what he did for Yuta and how Yuta is so fond of him#We see him at the very end in a way too with the letters he left#And his entire motivation was changing the very messed up society to avoid the kids going through what he and his friends went through#and to prevent them from being lonely the way he felt he was. Ontologically alienated. Entirely othered#And of course it's in part him keeping people away like Shoko. Or even Yuta (though here again it's at the core of his action his attempt#at protecting the kids and trying to prevent them from growing too fast)#And of course this is motivated by his own experiences and in that sense not entirely a selfless act#But those things still don't negate that his goal was for the future kids to be... in a better situation than what he and his friends lived#So Nanami's words are very cruel and... blind. Of course it's possible that Gojo's way of approaching the problem is still something#Nanami would regard as selfish (but it could be argued that so is Nanami's)‚ or that Gojo's perception of Nanami's way of thinking#about him would be this negative. But what we see through the story absolutely contradict Nanami's words in that airport#And though both Nanami's words and Kusakabe's are negative in regards to Gojo‚ they in a way contradict each other#The kids' words and way of seeing Gojo is most of the time more... accurate? If also diverse among them#They see him like an idiot. They trust him. They think he's childish and annoying. They love him#They find him flippant. They know he cares about them. In a way they see both what Kusakabe and Nanami say about him#The negative. And the ultimate positive aspect at the core of it all. That Gojo did care and that Gojo did take care#and that Gojo risked and sacrificed a lot for them and that Gojo was doing this in great part because of his own past#Yuta perhaps is the one who sees it best but it's so interesting too the dynamic Maki‚ Yuuji and Megumi have with Gojo‚ his acts and antics#And this whole thing‚ this frivolous and even... cruel way most adults seem to regard Gojo and how it clashes with the kids' deep feelings#about him (beyond the initial 'he's an untrustworthy idiot' though those as well!') is super interesting and super sad and super juicy#OR IT COULD BE bc in the end all that happens is that Nanami says that and Gojo pouts comically or that Kusakabe makes that offhand comment#as if it held no weight‚ as if Yuji weren't present and had never agonised over it‚ as if Gojo hadn't lost his life trying to save the kid#And yes he risked more than his life but he was trying to save a kid bc another kid (bc Megumi!) asked. But maybe it didn't matter if no one#asked. He saved Yuta too. Of course he would have risked it all. In his mix of selfishness and selflessness. Everything is so juicy#yet the writing feels so dry and lame. There's no pondering. There's talk of guilt and grief without any true sense of grieving or loss
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buddyhollyscurls · 4 months ago
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Gonna be finishing Ao Haru Ride tomorrow night and I wanna talk about Kou a little bit bc I resent when I look up the series on the internet people call him boring and say he's an asshole when its like if anything I think Kou is a bit Too Nice like we're talking about a 17-year-old boy who has always put others before him like literally, his whole arc revolves around him going hey it's ok to be happy and to Want Things for Myself and to create Boundaries around people bc up until he decides he wants to be with Futaba this boy just gives and gives and gives like let's assess:
the whole reason he was an honor student was because he studied so hard so that he eventually could take care of his mom
had a tremendous amount of guilt after she passed bc he felt if he hadn't studied so much he'd have spent more time with her, which was what she always wanted and his grades eventually suffered even though he was a great student.
was like 15 - 16 and was the sole carer for his mom while she was sick and isn't even resentful of the fact that his dad and older brother weren't there (his parents were divorced and his brother had JUST started his teaching career but even then it'd be natural for him to feel resentment that he's was all alone but he DIDN'T)
When Narumi's father passes he prioritizes being there for her even at the expense of his relationship with Futaba and his own mental health because he knows what Narumi is going through even if it causes him to regress in his emotional and even physical wellbeing
He wasn't even going to pursue a relationship with Futaba until Aya told him what he was doing for Narumi was unhealthy and he deserved to go after his own happiness.
Like Kou may have a lot of faults, he can't communicate and can't express himself or say outright what he wants, but also he's a 17 year old boy who has been through so much and he deserves more appreciation
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pikkish · 4 months ago
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idk if this is a good prompt but put doomguy in myhouse.wad I think he would find it enriching
Right, so I've been mulling on this one for a little bit now, n I'm not opposed to writing something for you, I'm just not... entirely sure what to write? Because the thing is, myhouse.wad doesn't actually really have anything to do with Doom as a story. Sure, Doom is important in that it's the vessel through which the story is told and one of the connections between the narrator and his dead companion. But as far as Doom itself goes, and the story about a man who was too angry/stupid to die, fighting demons and saving earth, none of that is at all relevant to myhouse.wad and its story. For all intents and purposes, Doomguy isn't actually a character in myhouse.wad. So I'm not really sure how exactly to fit him in there.
#pikspeak#bc like. ok so if u say write dg as if he is actually the character in myhouse.wad#then the problem is that theres a pretty huge meta element to myhouse.wad and having some of the outside context- even just the context tha#its supposed to be the creator's dead friend's childhood home- is important. youre not MEANT to 'immerse' yourself in it or pretend you are#the protag. part of the impact comes from knowing youre just an observer and this is just a videogame on your computer.#writing dg as a character inside myhouse.wad would rob it of a lot of context and therefore impactfulness. hed just be walking around an#old house looking at things that have no meaning to him.#so ok then not dg as the protag of myhouse.wad but what about just like.. him in the funky liminal space of myhouse.wad? the non-euclidean#reality breaking shifting house of leaves place of myhouse.wad? i *could* do something like that if thats what youre looking for#but then considering this is the character whose reaction to finding himself in literal hell was to go 'hey??? this is stupid???? anyway im#gonna kill everything here' he probably wouldnt be too exceptionally ruffled by finding himself in a sorta funky reality breaking space.#hed probably still just go 'oh weird. funky. anyway back to killing demons.' and that would be it. which yeah i CAN write if its what u wan#it just. yknow. doesnt quite seem like the right tone? just kinda flat by comparison#i have considered doing things in the right tone before. since it is also canon that on his way back to hell dg has to run through the#burned out ruins of his own hometown. something similar to the visiting an old place thats been twisted by time and grief and coming to#terms with its loss or something to that effect#but. if im being honest i dont know that i have the writing skill to pull that off well much less as a short fic for a prompt response#uhhh anyway where was i going with this.#im happy to write something for you; possibly even something myhouse.wad related if you want!! im just not sure how to do that hdfbhdj...#anyway sorry for letting this one sit for so long without an answer. have another fic prompt where the fic is getting a little longer than#anticipated n combining that with rotating this to try n figure out what i could write for it...#guess time got away from me a little bit. sorry about that!
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fridays13th · 3 months ago
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liam’s death has finally sunk in and i’ve been crying to 1D songs since last night
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tomlinsun · 3 months ago
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x
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orcelito · 3 months ago
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Considering the. Ahem. Ways this year has gone, I've not been thinking about it all that much, but. I did start this year with the motto of Year Of Unfucking My Life. With a few goals involved in that.
I got an official adhd diagnosis, as well as a diagnosis for PCOS. Other diagnoses in progress. Gotten adhd meds and birth control to regulate periods. I've gone back to school and I'm keeping up with it better than ever before. I've even been working on practicing driving, something I've been largely neglecting since I first got my driving permit, um... 11 years ago...
I just need to actually Get my license. And I need to get it before the end of the year. If I can accomplish that, then I'll say the Year Of Unfucking My Life was successful.
#speculation nation#i had some pretty major negative And positive influences for this goal of mine.#primary negative influence of course being my dad abruptly dying.#but that also led to the primary positive influence of the life insurance payout that's letting me just focus on school for my final year.#it's like a monkey's paw curl kind of moment. i got a genuinely astounding amount of money#more than enough to live off for a year+ and pay off the rest of my schooling.#with this i have finally exited the purgatory of part time school full time work to pay my way through school#a setup that led to endless stress (both physically and mentally) and suffering grades.#failing some classes and taking longer bc part time Anyways. locking me into years and years of this perpetual fucking Hell.#ive escaped it. school is so so so much more manageable when i dont have to work a job. im actually keeping up with my assignments.#for once theres no uncertainty about passing any of my classes. i Will pass them all. and i expect As in most if not all of them.#it's been fucking Amazing. everything i couldve wanted. and it came with the low low cost of losing my father when i was only 26.#... 'low' being sarcastic here of course. he was the 2nd worst person i couldve lost in my life. second only to my sister.#the 2nd worst grief i will Ever experience. bc he was my Good parent. hes the very reason i have a future at All.#and losing him fucked me up Severely. im still working on recovering. i kind of figure i always Will be.#thank god id already been taking spring semester off bc that would've been Horrible to go thru while in school.#i honestly probably would've just withdrawn from the semester. theres no Way id have kept up with it#given how damned BUSY those first few weeks after were. between funeral prep and inventorying and packing up his house.#so fucking much involved in settling an estate. and im the lucky one in that my sister's been handling all the legal shit.#so i simultaneously was dealt one of the most severe blows i ever Will be dealt#while also being given probably the biggest boost i'll ever get in my life.#if everything goes well with graduating and getting an IT job then i'll never want for money again.#considering there was a time early last year when i got as low as literally $7 in my bank account. this is a pretty big deal.#it's just... strange. the ways things go in life. this has been a very strange year for me.#just doing my best to use this boost to the best of my ability. even if it feels like im taking advantage of his death.#it's what he wouldve wanted me to do.
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worstloki · 2 years ago
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not a fan of people saying Odin and Loki are similar in a moral or decisive sense, particularly when it comes to Thor. that makes it sound like Loki doesn't know Thor or care about him beyond what he symbolises (regarding Asgard/the throne/family/worthiness), when that's a defining part of their relationship
#like i get WHY people go 'oh Thor is like Frigga (they care™/bring Emotions in) and Loki is like Odin (calculating™ /For The Greater Good)'#but if you make such a clearcut comparison you neglect a lot of stuff that Odin and Loki do drastically different#like there are literal contrasts that are pretty evident around Thor particularly#like Odin does expect Thor to be some ideal version of himself that obeys Odin implicitly and doesn't have his own volatile emotions?#while Loki more sees that Thor isn't who he tries to pretend to be and generally encourages Thor to realize that#the most obvious parallel would be how they in TDW try telling Thor that Jane won't work out#and Odin goes for the whole 'well they're insignificant' angle despite Thor caring about the humans and Jane particularly#Odin tries to go 'here's Sif and since you shouldn't have your own preferences (they're wrong and bad) consider my choice'#he largely disregards Thor's emotions#most people do on Asgard????#like it's literally wild how everyone saw Thor being major depressed and they basically told him to pretend to cheer up#like im sorry Thor's grief means nothing to y;all. he fell in love with someone very mortal and his brother is changed forever#Loki tries putting Thor off by first off. Thor KNOWS Jane isn't going to live long he's not never thought about it#he doesn't even make the decision for Thor he tells him to consider his choice well bc it WILL hurt him when she's gone#Loki is like treats Thor like a person and Odin is like nah I own him#I feel like in converting the brother/father relationship difference over people lose the differences in those aspect#they skip to similarities of heartlessness and Machiavellian ends meeting the means when Loki overall is#a far more moral character than Thor (at the start of Thor's arc) and Odin. and a lot of culturally Asgardian ideas#that's literally part of Loki's original characterization that he DIDN'T match up with their views#he didn't do stuff like take killing lightly like it's for fun and that's one of a long list of obvious aspects that make the setup cool#don't tell me Odin and Loki are the same#like there's some blanket understanding that Loki doesn't show or care about the people he loves#while Thor and Frigga have always been softhearted and refused to sacrifice themselves for what is deemed better for everyone#don't mistake selfishness for apathy and don't say Loki didn't cry himself through the first movie because duty to the throne comes first#that's literally Thor's bit#idk
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