#bc that grief is a part of him
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” Am I not right to weep? O my children, cursed children of a hateful mother - ”
#medea#my art#cw blood#cw mild nudity#euripides medea#greek tragedy#greek theatre#this play is Female Rage by excellence#hmm yes the blood of her sons on her face hands breasts and belly the parts of her body that her children knew the most yes indeed#im really proud of this#:)#lots of symbolism here#the red shawl is her hate while the black one is a mourning blanket#it's dwarfed by her heartbreak which enveloped her whole and bears no blood bc it's already red#her eyes are golden like Circe's who's her kinswoman#the handle of the dagger is Jason who isn't explicitly wounded by her but drove her hand (the blame of the murders actually befalling him)#<that's why it's not bloodied unlike the blade which was used to hurt#her tear washed down the blood on her cheek representing her being absorbed of her crime by both the gods and her grief#on the mural behind her is Medea enchanting the dragon while Jason steals the Golden Fleece#and above (right) is Hera and Iris and (left) Helios in his chariot#with female chorus masks lamenting Medea's crime like the chorus in the play#the pose and expression are inspired by the poster for Médée by Mucha for the Théâtre de la Renaissance starring Sarah Bernhardt#overall proud of this#i think women deserve to go a little mad and violent when they're angry. as a treat#anyway thanks Euripides for the 500bc feminism
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feast (ID in alt)
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#tw blood#im posting this so late because october escaped me Suddenly.. hello....#i wanted to make it a photoset with this other vampire vw wip but i don't think i'm finishing it any time soon and the mood of it is#completely different anyway. also i don't think i ever shared anything about my vampire au on here !!! it's all old art by now so im shy lo#but maybe i'll do a photodump of it. long story short vash is a vampire since birth and ww is a human vampire hunter that turns during thei#travels together due to EoM experiments + getting vash to drink from him at some point.#humans turn once they get bitten but bc ww has been experimented on#& got bitten by a bunch of human turned vampires thruout his hunts he thought it wouldn't be a problem for vash to drink from him but alas.#theyre both ok though theyre traveling together definitely not hating themselves for what theyve become and feeling guilty for what theyve#done to each other. theyre completely normal about it. the biting part is really appealing to me in vampire aus so i draw it a lot but#in reality vash only drank from ww once and ww mightve done it twice under the realization he might actually die otherwise#since he wont drink from humans after being turned.... he's combatting the 5 stages of grief at all times#if this is all nonsense im sorry DMGKSDF I'M NOT good at explaining and this au came from nowhere in the depths of my mind its a mess#ruporas art
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coming back home.
@barrenclan
#patfw#patfw fanart#patfw spoilers#rainhaze#THE NEW ISSUE. IT SURE WAS AN ISSUE HUH. I AM NORMAL. SO NORMAL IN FACT#THAT I REDREW A PANEL OF THE COMIC IN MS PAINT#i need someone to put this horrid beast down already. he needs to DIE i am not joking. euthanise him. please.#he is soooo fascinating.#i CANT get over his expression in this panel. WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM#hes smiling .is it a genuine smile? is he smiling bc he knows how this is going to go and all he can do is laugh now?#why. why why why the smile. at first he looks shocked or surprised or terrified but THEN it turns into this playful soft grin. as if full o#nostalgia. or maybe grief. or maybe joy. he looks like he knows something we dont.#did he accept that his family is going to get wiped out (HIS FAULT HE KILLED HER HE RIPPED HER THROAT OUT) and is just happy he got to see#them one last time?#this is so weird. before killing asphodel he was so terrified of meeting them. of facing his past and acknowledging what he became.#is him smiling a symbol of him giving up? becoming part of defiance? hes not running away anymore. he doesnt have to.#jesus.#my art#wanted to make him look as fucked up as i could. i hope he looks like a corpse or perhaps a starved dog to you
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my dad when im explaining the general plot of dungeon meshi to him with focus on thistle and falin bc thats what me and my friend cosplayed as and he wanted to know what the whole deal was and i get to the part where I have to explain what ultimately happens to thistle and get incredibly choked up about it
#talkys#I GET SADDDDD.#i think the ''i just want to see his face again. face? whose face?'' is on par with mithruns ''what part of me are you eating?''#like it just hurts so bad#due to my own personal fears of death and forgetting things about loved ones who have passed#bc he Is dead...delgal is gone. something here sbout grief something here about obsession while trying to prevent tragedy and also once#it has struck and how i know it will render Me a perpetual child when it hits#the good thing is he did get to see him a final time. relieved of worry and duty. the only casualty and true tragedy. he's quite literally#just a baby :(
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I'm not allowed to be on social media for more than two seconds today but I just wanted to say that Laios will absolutely have his own reaction to all this as someone who would die for Falin but has also imprinted on Marcille as his Emotional Support Comphet White Girl Not-Girlfriend along the way
#a little creature#sometimes i look at the way i want marcille to be the closest thing hes ever had to a girlfriend but in a 100% platonic way and im like#is this what they mean by queerplatonic or have i just never had a dude best friend who wasnt like. a super fruity gay twink#anyway its gonna be as hard on him as it is for us bc he loves them both so much#the most important women in his life bar none#marcille probably slapped him when she got back tho. like she just saw his face and all the misdirected anger at him 'taking falin' just#rose up and burst again#its ok tho. you know she immediately broke down crying in his arms again blubbering incoherently bc she felt bad but also shes still mad#and she just doesnt know what to do with herself#the hardest part about this fic is that like. there are SO many juicy things going on offscreen#but. i have to breathe deep and keep calm and let them happen out of falin's POV#the ryoko kui method. what happens in the story happens and what happens outside can be explored in extras if need be#edit: also just figured out why ive been chafing a *little* bit against ppl assuming that it's the fear of falin dying that motivated#marcille's denial of her feelings so far#bc it's technically true but something just didn't sit right and i didn't wanna say anything until i figured it out#in little creature she has in part already realized that falin's passing is going to hurt no matter what she does right now#bc she's already passed the threshold of preemptive grief and sealed her own fate by how much she cares about falin#so it's not really... about that as much as it would have been during the canon story#it's just that. to acknowledge that she has romantic feelings for falin means recontextualizing their relationship in a way where#she has been the one hopelessly chasing while falin didn't realize/ignored her for the most part#and she couldnt allow that to be true both bc she couldnt bear to make falin the 'villain' in her love story#and bc she subconsciously knew the scope of pain would be too much for her to handle#so now my problem is. how do i make that clear in the fic from falin's POV without getting too heavy handed about it
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Everything about both Longtail and Swiftpaw, and Cinderpelt and Brightheart gets a LOT sadder when you realize that they’re family
#warrior cats#longtail#brightheart#cinderpelt#swiftpaw#granted in. arc 1 most cats are bc the erins were doing wack shit w the family trees#but my point still stands that like. its sad as hell#swiftpaw is longtails half brother and brightheart and cinderpelts cousin#brightheart and cinderpelt are sisters#longtail is the reason swiftpaw grew to be bold and foolhardy#cinderpelt is part of the reason brightheart found her confidence and strength again after the dogs#and i cant imagine longtail wouldnt feel guilty. like. thats his baby brother.#his baby half brother who might still be here if longtail hadnt been encouraging him to come out of his shell#from longtails perspective anyway because often grief and guilt go hand in hand#just. augh. falls down and starts sobbing
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Thinking about how apparently John can't go back to the First House/Earth, and how souls rub off on each other in proximity and they become more alike with time, and how souls want to return to their bodies. And what it would mean for John if he returned to Earth after more than ten thousand years of having part of Alecto's soul in his.
#pure conjecture and also i could be totally wrong#maybe there was a line in one of the books that explained why he can't go back in a different way#bc even when he comes to the edge of the solar system#it's to the edge not to the first house or anything like that#and i don't think it's Not his guilt or some messy combination of emotions that keeps him from coming back#he clearly has some Very Complicated emotions about his genocide and i think part of that could be grief#but i can't help but wonder if he's avoiding earth to hold onto his power#finn's flailings#the locked tomb#john gaius#alecto
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A sharp feeling digs into Emile’s chest, but there’s no anger in his voice when he says, “You presume to understand.”
“I only observe.”
And it goes unspoken: I knew you before you were like this.
#ffxiv#emile/estinien#wolstinien#oc: emile jenidaut#estinien varlineau#i love them and it's almost a year later but i'm still thinking about#the change in emile between meeting estinien in ARR and HW#and estinien seeing the difference in him and the visible grief that he carries#like. they're not friends at the start of HW#but they're so intrinsically the same#and bound together as azure dragoon#that there's part of him that just wants to understand#bc he will always see emile for who he is and not the image of the hero x.x
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liam’s death has finally sunk in and i’ve been crying to 1D songs since last night
#yeah i know what just came out about him and i recognize it#i think i’m just more sad bc this whole thing has me reflecting on fandom in general and how fucking happy i was during peak 1D#and all the amazing online friends that i made bc of it that i still talk to to this day#they were such a big part of my life especially my teenage years 🥲 got me through some tough ass times#ughhhh grief is weird#anyways
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x
#i come back here every couple of minutes and read a new post abt liam and it just#never sinks in like how am i sitting here still being unable to believe this is happening#i feel like the denial part of grief will stay longer w me this time bc i didnt actually know him#i never spoke to him i never met him i didnt see him every day hes not a family member#i#didnt#know him#god please tell me why am i grieving someone i didnt even know#and its not like im inconsolable or anything it just feels like something i took for granted is now gone and my mind cant process it#i hate this
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Considering the. Ahem. Ways this year has gone, I've not been thinking about it all that much, but. I did start this year with the motto of Year Of Unfucking My Life. With a few goals involved in that.
I got an official adhd diagnosis, as well as a diagnosis for PCOS. Other diagnoses in progress. Gotten adhd meds and birth control to regulate periods. I've gone back to school and I'm keeping up with it better than ever before. I've even been working on practicing driving, something I've been largely neglecting since I first got my driving permit, um... 11 years ago...
I just need to actually Get my license. And I need to get it before the end of the year. If I can accomplish that, then I'll say the Year Of Unfucking My Life was successful.
#speculation nation#i had some pretty major negative And positive influences for this goal of mine.#primary negative influence of course being my dad abruptly dying.#but that also led to the primary positive influence of the life insurance payout that's letting me just focus on school for my final year.#it's like a monkey's paw curl kind of moment. i got a genuinely astounding amount of money#more than enough to live off for a year+ and pay off the rest of my schooling.#with this i have finally exited the purgatory of part time school full time work to pay my way through school#a setup that led to endless stress (both physically and mentally) and suffering grades.#failing some classes and taking longer bc part time Anyways. locking me into years and years of this perpetual fucking Hell.#ive escaped it. school is so so so much more manageable when i dont have to work a job. im actually keeping up with my assignments.#for once theres no uncertainty about passing any of my classes. i Will pass them all. and i expect As in most if not all of them.#it's been fucking Amazing. everything i couldve wanted. and it came with the low low cost of losing my father when i was only 26.#... 'low' being sarcastic here of course. he was the 2nd worst person i couldve lost in my life. second only to my sister.#the 2nd worst grief i will Ever experience. bc he was my Good parent. hes the very reason i have a future at All.#and losing him fucked me up Severely. im still working on recovering. i kind of figure i always Will be.#thank god id already been taking spring semester off bc that would've been Horrible to go thru while in school.#i honestly probably would've just withdrawn from the semester. theres no Way id have kept up with it#given how damned BUSY those first few weeks after were. between funeral prep and inventorying and packing up his house.#so fucking much involved in settling an estate. and im the lucky one in that my sister's been handling all the legal shit.#so i simultaneously was dealt one of the most severe blows i ever Will be dealt#while also being given probably the biggest boost i'll ever get in my life.#if everything goes well with graduating and getting an IT job then i'll never want for money again.#considering there was a time early last year when i got as low as literally $7 in my bank account. this is a pretty big deal.#it's just... strange. the ways things go in life. this has been a very strange year for me.#just doing my best to use this boost to the best of my ability. even if it feels like im taking advantage of his death.#it's what he wouldve wanted me to do.
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not a fan of people saying Odin and Loki are similar in a moral or decisive sense, particularly when it comes to Thor. that makes it sound like Loki doesn't know Thor or care about him beyond what he symbolises (regarding Asgard/the throne/family/worthiness), when that's a defining part of their relationship
#like i get WHY people go 'oh Thor is like Frigga (they care™/bring Emotions in) and Loki is like Odin (calculating™ /For The Greater Good)'#but if you make such a clearcut comparison you neglect a lot of stuff that Odin and Loki do drastically different#like there are literal contrasts that are pretty evident around Thor particularly#like Odin does expect Thor to be some ideal version of himself that obeys Odin implicitly and doesn't have his own volatile emotions?#while Loki more sees that Thor isn't who he tries to pretend to be and generally encourages Thor to realize that#the most obvious parallel would be how they in TDW try telling Thor that Jane won't work out#and Odin goes for the whole 'well they're insignificant' angle despite Thor caring about the humans and Jane particularly#Odin tries to go 'here's Sif and since you shouldn't have your own preferences (they're wrong and bad) consider my choice'#he largely disregards Thor's emotions#most people do on Asgard????#like it's literally wild how everyone saw Thor being major depressed and they basically told him to pretend to cheer up#like im sorry Thor's grief means nothing to y;all. he fell in love with someone very mortal and his brother is changed forever#Loki tries putting Thor off by first off. Thor KNOWS Jane isn't going to live long he's not never thought about it#he doesn't even make the decision for Thor he tells him to consider his choice well bc it WILL hurt him when she's gone#Loki is like treats Thor like a person and Odin is like nah I own him#I feel like in converting the brother/father relationship difference over people lose the differences in those aspect#they skip to similarities of heartlessness and Machiavellian ends meeting the means when Loki overall is#a far more moral character than Thor (at the start of Thor's arc) and Odin. and a lot of culturally Asgardian ideas#that's literally part of Loki's original characterization that he DIDN'T match up with their views#he didn't do stuff like take killing lightly like it's for fun and that's one of a long list of obvious aspects that make the setup cool#don't tell me Odin and Loki are the same#like there's some blanket understanding that Loki doesn't show or care about the people he loves#while Thor and Frigga have always been softhearted and refused to sacrifice themselves for what is deemed better for everyone#don't mistake selfishness for apathy and don't say Loki didn't cry himself through the first movie because duty to the throne comes first#that's literally Thor's bit#idk
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2024 reads / storygraph
The Loudest Silence
YA contemporary
a newly Deaf-Hard of hearing girl moves across the country and starts a new school, struggling with navigating her disability and love for singing and lost friendships - determined to not make any new friends for the year she’s in Florida
and a boy struggling with family expectations and anxiety, after being made the fútbal captain even though he secretly ways to be on broadway, who quickly befriends her
bi & aroace-coded MCs
#The Loudest Silence#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#hm this was okay! it’s a sweet and light YA contemporary focusing on friendship and disability.#It’s a little cheesy; and I liked the immediate easy friendship (well; after a few false starts) and how welcoming Hayden's#friend group/family were. I like how they all jumped to learning/practicing ASL.#I liked how Casey was dealing with her newfound Deafness with a lot of positivity - the main frustrations being how other people treat her#but there’s also the underlying isolation and grief. At the same time it didn't go as deep as it could have with that?#The friendship is central to the story - but honestly I feel like Casey and Hayden’s relationship doesn’t develop past ‘they’re friends now#[continues other subplots] - it ends up being a bit telling not showing their friendship. And then she gets a love interest.#I feel like if you’re centering your book on being a platonic love story - rare in YA! - giving one a love interest kinda goes against#what’s supposed to be unique about it? Like it wasn’t overwhelming and I thought it was sweet actually; I just didn’t come here for that.#I always find it a little odd when YA contemporary books don’t explicitly name their aroace characters as aroace -#obviously I prefer an exploration of experiences to just using the word and nothing else; but in this genre; why not both?#considering various other identity labels are used and discussed there were various points where it felt like it was walking circles#around where it would be obvious to say “no I’m aroace” lmao?#And there’s a point where Casey mentions seeing an ace sticker on his guitar - the only reason it wasn’t an aroace sticker is bc#that would have ruined the minor subplot of her assuming he’s gay/dating his other friend. It felt like a slightly odd way to mention it?#but also I guess I appreciate it being evident throughout but also being a non-issue plot wise - while there’s a couple of moments#of people making romantic assumptions about them;for the most part it’s just treated normally for a boy & girl to be friends (as it should!#It does get points for mentioning people watching by conan grey LMAO (not that it really explores him feeling that way specifically;#but I mean same lol)#Overall plot-wise - there were kind of a lot of things going on and it petered out a bit? I wanted some more depth in some areas.#Also I feel like some of the references seemed out of date for current teens haha.#i do love the love for unusual pets (hairless cat and iguana)#aroace books#bisexual books
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skeledog Leander WIP
the skull here is actually modeled closely after a deer skull, just compressed to fit a dog's overall face shape. also tried to make the eyes a little less wide-set than a deer's without making them completely front-facing like a dog's. here's the rest of the (still un-rendered) body:
i'm testing out the screen recorder i just downloaded so if that ends up working the way i want it to i'll have a timelapse of this piece when it's done :)
#whump#i mean leander is unharmed#he is fine#but i would NOT put it past him to go whumping someone else while he's like this#or most any other time really#tor draws#original characters#oc: leander#leanimals#drawing#art#don't think this really counts as gore but perhaps i'll tag it as#horror#if of a milder sort#skeleton#bones#drawing wip#also fun fact! i am doing all the painting and rendering on one layer for the most part#like the rough sketch is on a separate layer but i'm painting completely over it and all that is being done on a single layer#i hate to do that with art of humanoid characters#it's just really difficult for me for some reason#but when it comes to animals and monsters and creatures and such i actually really prefer doing things on a single layer as much as possibl#which is weird bc for years i've been a steadfast 'has dozens and dozens of layers for a single drawing#so every little thing can have its own layer' kind of girlie#still can't get the hang of single-layer painting for humanoid characters tho#can't seem to get the hang of applying this same lineless painterly style to humanoid characters either#which causes me absolutely no end of grief#i WANT to#but it's so fucking hard lol#but ig that's what practice is for 😔
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toying with the idea of making yancey's friends not real. would that be too evil
#personal#hear me out. the diner is a mimic and it's toying with the entire town and making people oblivious and just. stuck in time metaphorically#it's known to make people hallucinate it's known to show things that aren't there. it can fuck with technology#yancey has. problems. he's sick with grief and pain and regret and sorrow from his past moving into a strange new town#and there's all these people there in the diner and they all remind him of some part of his life#stevie quite literally reminds him of his ex but stuck in the state before anything happened. stevie is a constant reminder of like#what could have been had they not crossed the line of getting together#his relationship with daphne (friendship mostly but he has a little crush on her at some point) is like#the romanticized version of the life he had in mind for him and his ex. yeah he gets a little bit insane with it but he loves very deeply#freddy is what he wished for his older brother to be like. their friendship is what he wishes he and his brother would be like#rafiq is basically yancey's ideal partner. yukiko reminds him of his younger sister#hell even teddy is connected to him because he and teddy are basically the same person. dealing with a situation very poorly#but teddy WOULD be real since he is part of CALAMITY so his connection to yancey if anything is like. on purpose#he is SUPPOSED to mirror yancey because that will make yancey realize things about himself#that only leaves morrigan as the only other real person in all of this. because she is the only one not connected to the diner#(freddy isn't either but since he's first introduced on the radio as radio host he is sort of connected to the town)#(in like a way the diner could influence that too. you know what i'm saying)#and morrigan's whole deal is that she's so so stuck in the past. trying to get back what is no more. and daphne is her sister#so daphne could even be a manifestation of yancey's and morrigan's shared grief#for yancey the romanticized relationship with his ex. for morrigan her sister who died in the wildfires#are you seeing my vision. the diner is defeated and it's just yancey morrigan and teddy. it's always been#no one else has been real the whole time. they've only interacted with one another or yancey. never with teddy or morrigan#(with exception of daphne who would have interacted with morrigan bc of shared manifestation)#and yancey acts like the others have never existed. because they haven't. and now that he's no longer#under the influence of the diner. he doesn't remember. haha#idk if i wanna go with this because some of them aren't as solidified as concepts as others but man. MANNNNN
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Proshippers be funny af. GoT opening sequence is nothing like hotd so that comparison they pulled up is false and desperate.
me: i want helaegon to be the deconstruction of targaryen incest that examines the psychological horror of a forced marriage to one's own sibling in which the full family is already hanging by a thread in a treacherous situation since there is no other targ couple in the entirety of canon perfectly situated to explore and dissect this horrific aspect of targaryen culture
#them: i want an incestuous love triangle (that is not canon) because incestuous love triangles is interesting writing or something
#i cant believe there are asoiaf fans out there that seriously dont want the targ inc*st to be probed and taken apart and vivisected. likeee#the entire point of targ incst is that its a horror show. its wrong. it should be denounced by the narrative. helaegon is the perfect fit#for that exploration and condemnation. hightower mother. first non targ parent and queen. first targ son that is disowned and emasculated#which leads to aegon not wanting to be a part of targaryen culture. neurodivergent helaena who does not or cannot understand why aegon acts#like it. who doesnt understand whats wrong with her (theres nothing wrong with her). aegon who just wants to be a brother since he cant be#son nor an heir. but hes not allowed to bc the dad who disowned him forces him to partake in targ culture. the blurring lines between#brother and husband and sister and wife and the horror of it all. what is love? i love you bc you are my sister but i cant love you bc you#are my wife and bc you are my sister it is wrong. big bro and first son aegon who has nothing to his name wanting a good life for his sibs#since aemond and daeron are not first sons and will never be first sons they are not doomed like aegon the first son is#and helaena could have lived a happy life married to a good guy with an inheritence who can actually bring smt to the table (unlike disowne#aegon) and who is not related by blood to her somewhere far away from KL and all of its grief. but its never gonna happen now bc they are#targaryens and this is what targaryens do. and alicent watches on unable to stop it. unable to spare her children from this horror show#and then blood and cheese happens...#and what does helaemond bring to the table ? .... uhh incst love triangle i guess 😒🙄#anti helaemond#helaegon#hotd critical#anonymous#answered
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