#bc my body likes making me unhappy to try to get me to go to bed.

[lilgynt]

i am like wildly overestimating how well i could defend myself with like no self defense training with or without weapons on my person but id prefer that over thinking i cant like. build up enough strength to overpower someone or be scared to go to places alone

[orcelito]

OK the thing I cooked today was hamburger helper except I didn't have milk so I substituted with water and uh. 9 slices of cheese. And then I dumped in a metric fuck ton of cayenne pepper, cumin, diced garlic, onion powder, and basil. And added peas.

I rly hope it's not the fault of the pasta itself that I not-choked choked like that. Bc it rly is quite tasty. And it would be Very tragic if I couldn't eat the rest of it bc it was trying to kill me.

[roronoagem]

Maybe this would be better? What about Law finding out his SO was forced to eat a devil fruit. She hadn't told anyone and it was only made obvious after she fell overboard and couldn't swim. Maybe she had talked about her previous love for swimming, but no one caught on that it was something she couldn't do anymore.

characters: trafalgar d. water law

content warnings: gn!reader, law feels a bit betrayed lol, reader almost drowned, & very slight argument.

a/n: shitting my pants rn bc i met law in the anime a couple of times & my knowledge is based on vids & his wiki 😭 i’m scared to write him so out of character, please don’t come at me if it’s nothing like law i beg you . . . i’m gonna jump bye !

let’s start with you speaking about how much you loved swimming, how much you loved going to the beach.

everyone on the polar tang knew about it, but they were totally oblivious that you couldn’t do it anymore due to your devil fruit.

not even your captain knew about this.

and he didn’t know you had the powers of a devil fruit, in the first place.

and when you fell right into the water and your head didn’t pop out of the water, bepo started to panic.

“CAPTAIN!” bepo was running from side to side searching for law. “[y/n]..!”

that’s when law appeared and noticed your absence, trying to get the polar bear to explain the situation.

when shachi finally pulled you out of the water, after he jumped in to search for you, you were almost passed out. law felt a hint of panic at the sight because well… it didn’t make much sense from what the bear said.

did you hit your head? did something underwater attacked you? could it be that you got so scared you passed out?

impossible. he knew you too well, you wouldn’t get scared just because you fell into the water, it was calm enough to be able to swim too.

when you finally opened your eyes and started coughing water, law felt relief fill his chest. he checked your pulse and body temperature, make sure you were breathing properly. he wrapped you in a blanket as you were completely soaked.

you felt a bit dizzy, unable to focus on whatever was surrounding you. “[y/n]! i’m so glad you’re okay! i’m sorry!” bepo started to apologise because he stood there panicking instead of taking action, but you weren’t mad at him.

“it’s okay… don’t worry,” you were able to say before meeting law’s hard gaze. you shivered, because he seemed unhappy somehow. “we need to talk,” that’s all he said.

you ended up in his office, he finished checking you up just to be sure you were truly okay. he didn’t say much while doing so, which caused the tension between you two to grow.

“say something,” you gave in before law. it was tiring, to say the least. he was avoiding your eyes too. what the hell?

“you almost drowned,” he said then, tone obvious. but he still was avoiding you. “but i’m here now,” you answered back.

law took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose as he tried to not snap at you. “you were drowning,” he repeated, finally meeting your gaze. “but i’m alive!”

“what happened?” his tone was cold, he was treating you like any other patient. “i fell in the water, shachi pulled me out. that’s all,” you tried to sound as confident as possible, protecting your secret. “you know what doesn’t sound right to me?” law tilted his head to the side, “you talking every second about how much you love swimming, you love the sea, the ocean, and then this happens!”

of course he finally snapped. law is not a dumb man, he knows everything about everyone in his crew — he has to. it was clear you were avoiding telling him something important, and this was making him feel both angry but also hurt… did you not trust him enough?

“i-i forgot how to do that, i guess??” you responded, trying to make him let go of the subject. “you like it so much but you forget how to do that? how is it that i’ve never seen you get too close to the water since you joined this crew, huh?”

so he had noticed. he knew that it didn’t make sense but he never found the right moment to bring this up. but now…

“you’re the one avoiding it in the first place,” you retorted, as if putting him under the spotlight for a second would help you win the argument. “yes, because i ate a devil fruit and–”

when law paused, you noticed realisation spreading all over his expression. he found the missing piece of the puzzle. you ate a devil fruit too.

“why?” as he said that you couldn’t bare to look at him anymore, his tone showed that he felt betrayed by you for not telling him such important information. “[y/n]-ya… look at me,” law took a step closer.

“i was forced to eat it! i didn’t want to do that! i-i genuinely loved the ocean, swimming, these weren’t lies! but…”

when you started sobbing, law moved closer and gently cupped your cheeks. you met his gaze and noticed that he wasn’t angry anymore, he was trying to comfort you the best he could. “i know this is something you’re not proud of, but this information is vital. i needed to know that you ate a devil fruit because it could put your life in danger, just like today. i’d never judge you for it,” he tried to reassure you.

you felt relieved, you wiped your cheeks and then leaned closer to hug him. he caressed your back gently and let you stay like that for as much as you needed.

“i’m sorry,” you then murmured, sighing. “you’re alive and that’s all that matters to me,” law’s tone was firm, he held you a bit tighter for a second. you smiled at his words, words full of his love for you.

[id-rather-be-an-outsider]

Possessive

Gojo Satoru x AFAB!Reader

summary: y/n (a non-sorcerer) tries to get away from Gojo, her controlling partner, but he only pulls her closer. no plot just smutty smut smut but I heard plotless is a pro and con in this context ;)

word count: 1,726

a/n: WOW it took me way too long to post this, but Happy New Year, all! if you want to be on my JJK or my Gojo taglist let me know!

tw: she/her reader, controlling behavior (this is toxic and is abuse IRL! this is only hot bc it’s imaginary), unprotected sex. creampie, fingering, p in v sex, oral f receiving, dubcon

masterlist

“Because I’m unhappy, Satoru! You never listen to me, and every time I’m angry you just throw money at me like that solves the problem! I deserve a real relationship, not one where I feel like I’m always talking to a brick wall and can never really make my own choices!” He’s quiet, that stupid smirk still on his face. Ugh. “I’m leaving.” I turn around to grab my keys, in a decorative bowl right behind me, and he’s there.

One of his long, coaxing hands slips around my neck, tilting my head back, and the other one snakes around my waist, pulling my body into his. His breathing in my ear sends a shiver all the way down my spine. “I’m sorry, baby. I never meant to make you feel unhappy.”

I try to pull away, reaching for my keys again. “It doesn’t matter, I’m done. Just let me go.” Instead of listening, he quickly grabs my arm, pinning it to my chest with his first hand, and reaching out to touch my keys. The second his finger makes contact with them, they disintegrate, and my stomach drops.

“You won’t need those. I promise, after tonight—“ He starts kissing my neck, sucking on my sensitive spot and leaving a hickey, causing me to gasp. “—You won’t ever want to leave again.“

“Gojo, st—“ He cuts me off by turning my head around to kiss me on the lips, reaching under my skirt to rub on my clitoris through my underwear. I break the kiss, trying to push him away. “Gojo— ngh!” I moan in surprise when I feel his fingers slide under my panties and dip into my folds, the sudden pleasure making me forget my exact situation. Gojo removes his blindfold, and I realize my mistake— I should’ve known he would do this.

Domain expansion. Before I know it, I’m being gripped by several of Gojo’s hands, his fractals of digits ripping my clothes to shreds within a mere second. Some arms are holding my arms down, some are holding my legs open, others are massaging my breasts, others are twisting my nipples, and a pair are squeezing my neck, the pressure slightly decreasing air flow and making me feel lightheaded. Gojo comes into view, towering above me. He removes his clothes and says, “If I wanted to make it easier, I would just let more hands do it, but I want you to know who’s making you feel this good.” He drops down to his knees, leaning over me. “Something I don’t tell other people about my abilities, specifically about the Unlimited Void, is that I can control what kinds of stimuli someone receives — I’m not limited to just everything or nothing.”

My eyes flutter, struggling against the hands at my throat — I’m not being suffocated, I just don’t feel in control of my body. He smiles cunningly, sliding his hand down my torso. None of the other hands have stopped their prodding and preening, and he can see my eyes reacting to the arousing behavior. He captures my lips in his, slithering his tongue into my mouth, and inserting a finger into my gummy walls. “Oh!” My exclamation is swallowed by his devouring mouth, and my back arches as he starts to pump his long finger in and out, curling it into my g-spot.

He seamlessly transitions into adding a second finger, and then a third, each eliciting louder moans from me. His palm is rubbing against my sensitive nub, and I feel the extra pressure with every pump of his hand. It feels so good. It feels so good. It feels so good! I moan, all the twisting and tweaking of my body coupled with his fingers filling me up brings me closer, closer, and closer to the edge, his hand slamming into me until—

I let out a sob when he pulls his hand out, licking all of my juice from his fingers as he stares into my eyes. My hole is clenching around the air, my cum drooling out. “You’re making a mess, sweetheart. Let me clean that up for you.” He grabs his member, giving it a few strong pumps, then uses his tip to wipe up my liquids, rubbing it against my slit. He presses his tip into my hole, waiting for the clenching to stop— “You can’t start too early, or you’ll be all worn out.” —Before finally pushing all the way in.

“Satoru!!!” I cry out, my walls squeezing around him when I feel his full length. “Baby, please!” But he won’t play nice. He moves in and out of me at an even pace, and every time I start spasming around him, he slows down to an almost painful pace, waiting for it to stop before gradually speeding back up again. I’m mewling, begging for him to give me my release, even trying to hump up into him, but he only pulls himself out of me, not letting me get to my orgasm.

He pauses, seemingly thinking to himself. “I wonder how close I can get you with my mouth?” He slides down to my pussy, nestling his face between my thighs. I can feel his breathing on me because of how close he is. His tongue darts in, drawing a circle around my rim before sliding in, poking and prodding in me as I struggle to rub my lips on his face. I find an angle that works, where my thrashing makes the tip of his nose rub on my clit. I can feel myself getting closer to my high, and I close my eyes, embracing all the different sensations I’m experiencing all at once, but my body betrays me when it starts shaking. Gojo laughs into my lips, the vibration almost pushing me over the edge, and he pulls his face away. “Did you think I didn’t know what you were doing? Silly girl.” I whine, trying to shake my lower half, but he’s nowhere near me, it seems. More hands grab my hips, holding me so I’m completely immobile. He tsks. “When I told you only I can ever make you cum, that included yourself and any scheming tricks you thought you could pull.”

I can’t see him because my head’s being pulled back, but I can feel him when his lips wrap around my bud and his tongue starts swirling around it. He sucks as he works, and I moan again, thinking that I’ll come undone for sure, it feels so good, if only he’d let me finish! He lets go with a loud pop of his lips, coming up to kiss me, my sheen coating his velvety petals like morning dew on a rose. I taste sweet and bitter in my own mouth, but I don’t have time to savor it as he fills me to the brim, and starts thrusting away. “Ah! Satoru, I’m close! Please tell me I can cum!” I beg him, my voice wavering from the overstimulation of my whole body, all my points of pleasure telling me I can never leave this man. He’s right. No one else will ever tear me apart in as sensual of a way as he does.

He hums, laughing as he pleasures himself inside of me, burying himself to the hilt, pulling far enough out that his tip becomes visible, then quickly burrowing all the way back in, over and over again. “Okay.” He picks up his pace, and the dam breaks — everything that had built up pours out, my orgasm flooding out each time he pushes himself into me, and my head’s spinning as I’m stuck bawling from how good it feels. My entire body is rigid and shaking, and Gojo’s still going, the other hands going crazy, all madly fondling every part of my body.

Tears sneak out of my ducts, and Gojo licks them up, smiling like the devil while his eyes bore into mine as he nears his own release. My pussy is still fluttering around his cock, and I haven’t stopped babbling about it being too much, too much, when I feel my reservoir filling up again. “Sa-to-ru-oh!” I manage, though I’m not sure what I’m even trying to say.

“Say you’ll stay,” He commands in a deep, smooth voice, and I melt beneath his piercing blue eyes, the sweat glistening on his skin, which feels sticky as his hips collide with mine, his balls slapping against my second hole, the fractal hands all reaching for the most sensitive spots and caressing them in just the right way.

“I’ll— I’ll stay!” I respond, incapable of thinking about what he’s asking of me, and his thrusts turn from measured to erratic. I feel his hips begin to stutter, the other hands all becoming even more aggressive if even possible, and the final push that takes me over the edge is feeling his length pumping out his seed inside me, making everything squeeze just a bit tighter. My rubber band snaps, and the other hands all disappear as my body spasms out of control, my back completely arched as my hips move to meet his of their own accord, his own continuing to pound into me until he has nothing else, and he stills, rubbing his hands up my naked body until he cups my face with both of them, kissing my lips, then looking at me with a hunger yet to be satiated reflecting from his eyes.

When my body finally calms, I eventually notice that we’re still in the living room. He scoops me up, and while he holds me I realize that he’s already hard again. “We’re not done yet, I hope you know. Remember now, my love, you said you would stay.” He takes me to our bedroom and sets me down in the middle of the bed, flipping me over so I’m on my hands and knees, and slapping my ass. “If you ever try to leave again I’ll give you so much pleasure that you’ll pray for me to stop it, and I won’t, because this is mine. You’re mine. Do you understand?” I nod my head weakly as I wobble on all fours, and gasp when he yanks my head back by my hair. “Oh, y/n, you’re my good girl.” He rams himself into me from behind.

taglist: @ekaterinatepes

[eudaimonia83]

Everyone who was requesting Feral Elain, here you go. 😅 Don’t judge me too harshly on this, bc it’s an upcoming chapter of a long-form fic and hasn’t undergone any real editing. There are also some references that might be unclear, as this chapter is a ways down the line. But if you have read my fic The Gift (on AO3) you have most of the background info.

Basic details: Lucien has just escaped from being held prisoner under the Hewn City with his powers suppressed. He was jailed for allowing Elain to escape…which she has just discovered. And she is, naturally, deeply unhappy about this. 😈

Tag as requested: @lorcandidlucienwill @mr-agent-mulder

——————————

His wrists. What had happened to his wrists?

She stared numbly at the puckered, darkened skin that bracketed his hands, scabbing over as his healing finally began to return…his tender, beautiful hands that touched her with such gentleness, such affection…

“What is that?” She couldn’t keep a tremor out of her voice. Steady, steady. Be calm. She knew this feeling now; the sick coiling in her veins, around her heart, rustling through her brain.

He glanced down, tearing his eyes from her face with a physical wrench. “It’s only a scar. I’ve got plenty of them, remember?” He turned his hands over and squeezed hers, so gently, so kindly.

A scar. But from what…?

“What kind of scar?” Her voice only barely escaped past the lump in her throat; she could barely hear it over this singing, this thrumming in her blood. It was hot and deadly cold. The strength of anger, with the ice of…revenge. Leaves curled around her ears, tendrils winding through her hair.

He looked up at her again. “Please, Blossom. Don’t be angry with me. I tried to get away, to get back to you. But I couldn’t.”

He did not understand, how did he not understand? He thought she was angry with him…

She swallowed hard, then brought one of his hands up to her face and dragged her lips over his wrist, trying to mimic the gentleness he’d shown her that night, that sweet night that was both their first and last, before he’d sent her away and the long hand of darkness had reached out to grasp him and hold him…hold him…

The True Sight bubbled up inside her like a hot spring, filling her eyes and tearing her heart to pieces. Lucien, her Lucien, limp on the stone floor of a cell, drenched in a sticky, purulent substance. No light to see by. No warmth to envelop him. No comfort, from her or anyone else. Lost in the cold, and the dark. Why did he not summon his fire, that spirit that breathed inside him like coals, that had kept him alive and protected his kind heart through so much before this? She didn’t know if she said it aloud, but she screamed to that limp body on the floor, stay alive. Stay alive, no matter what occurs. Bring your flame to bear, and I will avenge you, I swear it…

But he just lay there, breaths shallow and broken, his hands…his wrists…bound to the wall…

She leapt up, the vision melting like smoke, only to see his wide eyes before her.

“They bound you?” Her voice did not sound like hers. What writhed underneath it?

He nodded, pushing himself up on the cot to a sitting position. “I knew they would. It was only a matter of how.”

“How, then?” She squeezed her fist at her side. The earth would fill their mouths and choke their cries, drag them into its depths and bind their very skeletons to the rocks that made its own bones…

He hung his head. “I was shackled, with Hybernian stone, I think. They put faebane on me too, before the chains. Not as I knew it, either — a sort of paste. Perhaps it concentrates its effects that way. I only recognized its scent.”

“So you couldn’t break out.” Or use his fire to stay warm.

“I was more valuable as their prisoner,” he said, his voice as hollow as a pebble skittering down into a well. “They did not want to kill me. If they did, they would have done it long ago, before even making me their emissary. They were more interested in what I could tell them. Or do for them. Or who I could bring them. They wanted you most of all.” He smiled. “I knew that. So it was worth it to have you escape somewhere I didn’t know, so no matter what they did to me, you were out of their reach.”

She nodded, slow and steady. Coiling like a fist within her, the grinding of the rocks that silted into soil and reached towards the sun with vines and leaves and trees.

Find them. Punish them.

She went to the window, where the sun had grown bright as they spoke. It spilled over her. She felt her skin tingle, the warmth of the sun stoking the fire inside her.

“It will heal,” he said, husky and sad. “It will scar, but it will heal eventually.”

She had to get out, before this white-hot anger striated with cold revenge burst out of her and harmed him, he who she so wished to protect it was like shielding her own heart. She turned back to him and knelt, swiftly, next to the cot. He wound his hand into her hair, cupping her cheek, her jaw. She felt the strands of her hair catch against the grit of the scab on his wrist. Her heart raced, stuttering with affection and sorrow and the dark pulse of vengeance.

“It will heal,” he repeated. “I will heal.”

“You can only heal if you’ve been hurt,” she murmured. “And that’s what I don’t want to happen any more.”

He smiled, and kissed her hairline, so softly that she ached with it, in the pit of her belly and the cleft beneath her ribs that held her heart, squeezing it between her lungs with each agonizing breath.

She helped him to lie back, tucking the sheepskin over him, and with a wave of her hand, leaves clustered over the window to filter the sunlight. It would be gentle, would carry the scent of jasmine to soothe him as he slept. As his skin knit back together.

Pay. They would pay, and pay again, and beg forgiveness.

She would make sure of it.

———————————

He had fallen asleep at last, heat beating out of him as the fever raged. He had spoken, fretful and miserable, in his sleep, wept with pleas of stop, take me, kill me instead and Tam, help me Tam, I can’t see, it hurts. She could do nothing but lay a cool cloth on his brow. She dared not touch him at those times; knew that if she did, she would be immersed in his fever dreams, or worse, steal his past from him with her imperfect visions of what had happened. Better to let him awaken, to ask him later and let him tell her himself. Her sister might not know the difference, would sweep in with daemati might and root around with dirty fingers in a mind that wasn’t her own, but she would not. She would be different.

Her sister.

Feyre was still here. As soon as it occurred to her, the truth of it squeezed her heart with cold tendrils.

She stood up, skirts whispering, and slipped out into the hallway, closing the door behind her so softly that the latch didn’t even click.

The hallway yawned into shadow ahead of her. It was twilight, just after the dinner hour, and she knew where Feyre would be: eating with Helion and the attachés, perhaps in the Solarium, or the conservatory. Her steps matched the pace of her heart as she sped along the white marble floor, gleaming with gold and rosy specks of quartz. She did not see the darkness. It was hard to appreciate it when her vision was red at the edges and star-bright with rage.

The long night is ending. They will wake from the dream and find it rebuilt.

Perhaps it was time for a wake-up call, then.

She felt the stones begin to tremble beneath her as she walked, a low rumble from deep in the earth. She cast her eyes down and saw the curls of vines swimming around her arms, tangling in eager threads, tiny leaves unfurling, stained black with the ash of her anger.

She heard the dinner conversation as a merry buzz before she even saw the spill of light onto the floor…and by that time, there was a dull roar in her ears, her arms were corded with thorns and leaves, and death was coming to all, to all who had failed him and starved him and imprisoned him. She was vengeance, and he was her mate, and they were going to pay.

She burst into the lamplight like the heat from an opened oven door. All the faces turned to her, smiles draining from their lips like waves receding on the beach.

There was barely a moment to register the screams that bounced off the walls before the table heaved and cracked as six inch thorns spiked through it from beneath. Half of it sagged down; the other half toppled with a deafening crash, and through the middle burst the vines, reaching up to seize the chandelier and twist, pulling it from the ceiling with a screech of metal and timber. The candles sputtered against the ruined food. Her eyes were on her sister, dressed in glimmering silver and blue, eyes wide with horror and…what was that, underneath the surprise? Could it be fear?

Good, Elain thought with satisfaction as she leapt over the rubble, her vines sweeping everything away into chaos, coming up behind her in massive gnarled hands scaled with bark and stippled with thorns. She regarded Feyre for a moment. As her sister’s eyes narrowed and went dark, and the daemati talons scratched at her mind, she swung one of her arms in a massive arc. The vines followed it in a deadly sweep, choking with the scent of petrichor and leaves. Feyre was thrown against the wall of the room in one movement, immobilized, her head dragged backward as the vines grasped her hair, her pale throat exposed, arms akimbo and sealed to the wall. Elain let out a wild cry and leapt forward, her fingers closing around her sister’s neck and squeezing with all her strength.

Feyre struggled in silence, her air cut off — but then went deadly still. Her face flushed scarlet. The vines had pushed thorns against both the arteries in her neck, had pierced the skin under her left breast. If she moved it would stab her. Elain hissed into her face, aware that she looked completely unhinged, “You bound him.”

Feyre shook her head, as much as she was able. Elain released her throat and slapped her with all her strength across the face. “You drenched him in faebane and bound him with stone, and what, you thought I wouldn’t find out? That I wouldn’t strip the skin off your bones?” She matched word to deed, scoring her nails along Feyre’s arm.

Tears streamed from Feyre’s eyes and scratches bloomed across her cheek, carved there by the thorns that had turned Elain’s fingers into claws. “I didn’t,” she rasped. “I didn’t do that to him.”

A second slap cracked across her face and this time the outline of Elain’s hand remained, bright red. “Your demon mate, then. He would say the same, wouldn’t he, if he was here? I didn’t do it, I knew nothing of it. Bullshit.” The curse tasted sour in her mouth, and she spat into the tangle of vines that had immobilized the other dinner guests into helpless writhing heaps on the floor. Only Helion was still upright, wrestling against the grip of the leaves that had encircled his legs and arms. She let him be. Her quarrel was not with him. “The pair of you are the same, always the same. Using him —using us — for your own —“ the vines tightened around Feyre’s wrists and ankles and wrenched a scream from between her clenched teeth “—wretched—“ the thorn pushed against the bottom of her chin “—ends. There were others in that prison. How many more did you do this to, besides him? Besides my mate?” Red spots swam in her vision. She wanted to kill her. “You turned a blind eye.”

“You turned a blind eye to me…” gasped Feyre, then let out a groan of frustration as the thorn pushed harder against her chin, forcing her jaw closed.

“Talk about yourself for one more moment and you’ll never talk again,” Elain whispered into her sister’s ear. A tremor went through Feyre, and she was still. Elain savored the victory for a moment. It was terrifying, nauseating to be this angry…it made her feel like an animal. It was this part of being Fae that had called to her like a dark song, that coursed through her veins like electricity, like the storms she’d watched batter the Eastern Channel: but to a small part of her, caught in the swirl of adrenaline and anger, it felt right. To defend Lucien when he couldn’t defend himself. When he was sick and raving with fever, when her sister’s court had painted him with poison and thrown him in prison, to suffer in darkness.

Human Elain would not have done this.

But she was Human Elain no longer.

Why be a girl, when you could be a terror? the voice of the void whispered to her.

So she seized her sister‘s head in both her hands, and let the True Sight boil into them both, and felt Feyre scream and scream as she showed her everything she had ever feared.

Mother of mercy, how good it felt to punish.

[agirlwithglam]

how to develop self love and confidence

— a step by step guide by yours truly ♥

disclaimer!! for some people it can take a lot longer to love themselves than others, so don't be discouraged if it takes a bit longer. just remember that no matter what you think, you ARE WORTHY OF LOVE.

step 1: identifying the root cause

first you need to find WHY you dont love yourself. it usually comes down to these main reasons:

society

your looks

comparison

your abilities

childhood trauma

your current situations

it can be just one or more than one, and sometimes it may not be as simple as "my looks", sometimes you may have to dig deeper.

for me, it was because i thought i was "ugly"

step 2: once you know the WHY, research about the topic and try and solve it.

here ive broken down the 6 reasons to help you a bit: (but remember that this is just a small break down, if you want you can research more about the topic & try to battle it)

society: society has tricked us into believing that loving yourself is considered 'vain' or 'narcissistic'. let me tell you right now that THAT IS NOT TRUE. loving yourself is a basic necessity that everyone should have!!

your looks: this is something i struggled with for a loong time. remember that beauty is subjective!! bob could think that travis looks 'average' but Leo could think that travis looks absolutely gorgeous!! ☆ so how did i overcome this? i actually 'glowed up'. bc the main thing i didnt like was face- my teeth to be specific. so once i got braces, my teeth aligned and i started looking so much better. ☆ other struggles: ↴ for you if it may be acne, then you could start trying to take care of your skin better. or if its body image then if you reeeeally dont like it then literally just start working out. if you have the option to yet you still dont then dont complain. but remember that ALL BODIES ARE PERFECT. ★ another thing that helped me a lot was affirmations! i listened to a bunch of affirmations -> i used this video by thewizardliz and it did wonders! (you can also search up on yt self-love/ beauty affirmations)

comparison: for most people comparison comes from social media right? the simple solution to this would be unfollow accounts that dont serve you, or delete/ set a time limit on the social media platform "but what if i compare myself to people i meet in real life?" well we can't exactly unfollow or delete these people but what we can do is turn that jealousy (yes, jealousy) into inspiration! be inspired by the people with greater lives and use that to pull yourself forward! ☆ a quote that i read once (that may or may not help you) : "do not compare your chapter 1 to someone else's chapter 50." you never know what the other person has gone through or is going through that got them to this point!

your abilities: okay theres not much i can say here except that you can learn almost everything online nowadays. stop complaining and get off your lazy butt to prove to yourself just how much potential you have! (but don't beat yourself up for being a lazy butt, im one as well) here is a link to a TON of stuff you can learn online!

childhood trauma: this is a bit of a more delicate subject which i do not know a lot on, my best suggestion would be to just go to therapy (or use an online therapy app- betterhelp). - watching thewizardliz may help as well as she might know more about the topic.

your current situation: whether its trouble with friends, at school, at work, or with family i promise you that these things do not last forever. humans were not put on earth to be unhappy and miserable! (whats the point in that?) my advice is to learn more about the topic (for ex i was struggling with being left out w friends for a while and it did hurt a bit) and see what you can do to fix it or at least make the best out of it. + another reminder that you can use the law of assumption- in basic words the law states that whatever you desire, you have. all you need to do is accept that. heres a quote i read: "if you dont like where you are,, then move. you aint a tree." this is literally YOUR life. RESPECT yourself and dont let people treat you bad because that is disrespecting yourself!

step 3: focus on yourself!!

my favourite step!!

this is your sign to stop focussing on others' lives and start focussing on your own.

when you start to focus on yourself, up level yourself and try to become your best version of yourself, you actually end up falling in love with that version of yourself, and your current version!

ask yourself: is there even something to love?

ask yourself: would you want to date or be friends with someone like you? think actually deep about this; if your answer is no, then that obviously means that there is some work to do.

if you're constantly negative and complaining and rude all the time, trust me, literally no ones gonna want to hang out with you. and then you'll adopt that 'victim mindset' of "nobody likes me and i suck". instead of doing that, why dont you try to just suck a bit less? there isn't any pressure on you to become amazing the next day, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try.

small things/habits to start:

gratitude

hydration

exercising

journalling

meditation

eating healthy

developing a skill

get enough sleep

take cold showers

taking care of your skin

invest in your appearance

focussing on school/ your grades

go outside! go for walks, be in nature!

changing what you consume (resources below)

some resources that helped me SO MUCH:

♡ thewizardliz

♡ tam kaur

♡ persephone's mind

and meditation! its so extremely underated but SO VALUABLE.

xoxo, vanilla

[sobbingstars]

SEASON 4 UMBRELLA ACADEMY SPOILERS!!!

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Hi! WHAT THE FUCK! My hot takes on this latest season bc if I don’t say these I’m gonna go insane.

Luthor: becoming a dancer was really funny. It was also kinda nice bc he was so ashamed of his body b4 when he was part monkey, so it’s good to see him being more comfortable in his own skin. And speaking of him being part monkey, that had NOTHING TO DO WITH HIS POWERS. His powers are SUPER STRENGTH, his father INJECTED HIM WITH MONKEY DNA OR SMT TO SAVE HIS LIFE. Made NO SENSE!

Diego: Diego being an absent/emotionally neglectful/bad father made NO SENSE! We saw him with Stan, he learned to be a father. Plus, he had his own issues with his dad, of course he would mentally do everything he could to avoid being his father. And also, him and Lila being in an unhappy marriage was so weird. Like, man was literally obsessed w/ her in season 3. What???

Alison: So we decided to not address any of her wrongs and just forgive her. She ASSAULTED LUTHOR. She tried to KILL VICTOR. SHE KILLED HARLAN. SHR TEAMED UP WITH REGGIE. Nothing??? Just forgive her for reasons??? That being said, Claire bear you were STUNNING thank you for being here and thank you Millie Davis, you were my childhood. But also, girl??? Show some support for your uncle. He needs help sometimes, just bc he’s immortal doesn’t mean he doesn’t have feelings :(

Klaus: I actually think they didn’t go super wrong with Klaus. Him becoming super paranoid after losing his powers made sense bc he died like every other day and just didn’t notice bc he just kept coming back, so I’d be afraid of everything too. And I think him being scared to have his powers again bc he was afraid he’d relapse is honestly so in character. That being said, fake that he didn’t even consider talking to Dave once he was sober and had his powers and wasn’t actively trying to stop the end of the world. And yall don’t even know how upset I was when he started levitating with his SHOES ON. NOT COMIC ACCURATE.

Five: WORDS DONT DESCRIBE MY RAGE. BECOMING A CIA AGENT? WHEN THE WORLD WASN’T ACTIVELY ENDING AND HE COULD JUST RETIRE? YOU KNOW AT LEAST ON OF HIS SIBLINGS WOULD LET HIM STAY. AND FALLING IN LOVE WITH LILA?? IT MADE NO SENSE, WAS SO OUT OF CHARACTER EHRN HE LITERALLY WAS LIKE ‘Lila would be stupid to throw away her happy life’ AND PROCEEDED TO WRECK HER HAPPY LIFE? I GET THAT IT WAS SEVEN YEARS BUT GOD DAMN FIVE, YOU WERE MARRIED TO DOLORES FOR THIRTY! AND THEY DIDNT EVEN BRING HER UP! NOT ONCE! AND JUST GIVING UP AND LETTING THE WORLD END? FOR FUNSIES? ABANDONING HIS FAMILY? NOT GIVING TWO SHITS? MAN ENDED THE WORLD THREE TIMES TRYING TO SAVE HIS FAMILY! HIS FAMILY IS ONE OF THE ONLY THINGS HE CARES ABT AND HE WOULD NEVER EVEN CONSIDER GOING AFTER HIS BROTHERS WIFE! Five Hargreeves, they could never make me hate you, but what the FUCK!

Ben: So unrealistic that he didn’t break down any his siblings all being dead once. We deserved a heart between him and Five where Ben was like ‘All my family is dead’ and Fives like ‘I know how that feels’ bc his siblings were dead for 40+ years. Instead, he just had no character development at all and just died bc of a girl he met once. The only reason I was a little sad when he died was bc of season one and two Ben who was so sweet and amazing and season three Ben who just wanted to be loved and accepted. They didn’t even have any relationship development between him and Jennifer.

Victor: I’m sorry, he owns a BAR and was an awful boyfriend?? WHAT!? I was hoping we were gonna have this emotional scene where he plays the Violin again bc he hasn’t played it since he ENDED THE WORLD in season one, and he would be happy bc Violin was a genuine passion of his and he was gonna no longer be afraid. And being a bad boyfriend?? Unrealistic, he was so kind and good with kids??? Are you kidding??? That being said I really liked when he stood up to Reggie. That was rlly funny.

Lila: Yall know what I’m gonna say. You just KNOW. I GET that transitioning from full time assassin to full time mom would be a hard switch but you’re telling me she WOULDN’T have ANY sort of job? NONE??? With all her family being back in her life? She’d just sit in the house? And she wouldn’t sit in the house and be unhappy. She would absolutely call Diego out on his shit and complaining problem and he’d be like ‘Yes ma’am.’ Bc their relationship was so fun in season two and three and then they made it into a no-fun, unhappy marriage, and Lila just had so little of her original personality. And her liking Five was so weird. She sees him as a KID. He LOOKS like a kid. Made no sense.

Reggie: Actually wasn’t a total ass this season. Got into a malewife/girlboss relationship. Managed to actually have feelings. That being said, why how the fuck was he an ALIEN IN SEASON TWO??? I get that his wife was the one with the weird power things, but they just??? Never explained it??? What was going on??? I was so confused this ENTIRE SEASON.

[redditreceipts]

Hi! ex radfem cis lesbian back. I saw you asked why I reconsidered my viewpoints, so I will answer:

Firstly, I do want to keep the context in mind that this is simply my experience and very well may just be a me thing.

I gravitated to being a radfem at around middleschool, because I was sexually harrassed by a boy. It gave me the "all men are evil" complex. But I slowly realized I only used my hatred as an excuse not to face my trauma. There are great men in my life, my father and brother are some of my biggest supporters. My brother even tried to beat up the guy who harrassed me lol. The hatred I felt for every male I saw (excluding my family), the fear I felt, made me intensely paranoid and unhappy. I also found it was just wrong. Like anybody, men are not a monolith. Somebody born into a male body is not instantly evil. I've actually been harrassed more (sexually and in general) by females in my life, so I realized the generalization didn't hold up.

Of course, it is obvious that males are more likely to commit violent crimes, even if my personal experience was opposite. But I try these days to see the best in everyone, as not assuming somebody's moral value based on their sex has helped me live a more happy life. When I say I find GC spaces a bit extreme, there are a myriad of blogs who constantly say all men are evil, all men should die...I think that sort of talk is unproductive. Like it or not, males will always exist in humanity. So we should be finding a solution to the social issues and dismantaling patriarchy instead of invoking ire in innocent people (People are more likely to listen if you are nice to them...I have seen many men get mad at the "all men are trash" thing because that would include them, even if they haven't done any wrong. Whether or not it's fair we have have to watch our words doesn't matter -- this is just the proven best way to get others to take your points seriously).

As for the trans stuff, I just don't really care these days. Using different pronouns doesn't affect me as it is just words, so I don't care. Much like men, I view all trans people as individuals and don't develope an opinion on them as people based on identity alone. I find operating in the world this way is just easiest, and helps me not develop a bias. (Also as a GNC lesbian I have been mocked for being "a trans woman" by what would be considered "transphobes" I suppose, because I look like a guy, so I feel how some TERFs try way too hard to point out "obviously trans people" just hurt GNC people. But I know that's not the majority of TERFs.)

That is just trans people however. The trans "movement" (quotes bc it's not technically a movement but you get what I mean, the social atmosphere etc), which is not a person but a common ideal, has a lot of issues. My biggest issue being that it's hard to have actual conversations about it without walking on eggshells. My best friend is trans actually, and 100% accepts her sex. After all, you have to be the opposite sex to be "trans" at all. So even if I was harrasses by a trans woman, I would not think of all trans woman that way, much like how I do not demonize all females because I was harrassed by a handful.

That said - The social class of "men" (not the person or sex, but the way we have normalized socialization and the like) has many issues, and I am 100% for tackling these issues. I think we as a society must be open to talking about things even if we disagree with them or it makes us uncomfortable. Now more than ever we nees loud feminist voices. You may be just a tumblr blog, but one blog can go a long way. Even if I don't 100% agree with every post you make or radfem ideals or whatever, I am very thankful to have people who are not afraid to hold discussions and discourse. I do think the hatred for radfems is unwarranted to the degree it has reached. I wish we could all have civil discussions. So in short: keep posting and keep talking, thank you.

Heyyy! I am first of all really sorry that my answer comes so late, it's because I didn't really have the time and/or energy to read all of the asks I got, so I didn't open yours - I hope that this is not all too late of an answer :)

I guess that you are making various points here. First of all, I understand how the hatred of men can be unproductive in some ways. I agree that for many women, they don't gain anything out of fantasizing about the death of all men or reading stuff about how men suck and are evil. However, I also think that this is useful for some women. I have to say that even though I don't hate all men, this type of rhetoric awoken me out of my non-feminist slumber, and I think that this can be a helpful outlet for many women. I mean if there were any real-world harms proven from this rhetoric, I would obviously be against it, but as for now, I just think that this rhetoric can be useful for some and not so useful for others.

Like my blog. Is it productive to make fun of weirdos on the internet? Some people will probably say that this just makes them angry and depressed, but other people will find something cathartic in those posts and find their own experiences represented for the first time. And for those who find it not to be helpful to read that stuff, I would expect them not to read it

Secondly, I'm glad that the trans stuff doesn't affect you, but I have to say that it affects me (and many others). I'm politically active and have gotten so many creepy comments and abusive behaviour from entitled males who believe that they are women. Where I am politically active, analysis of male socialisation is totally absent and most politically active women are not really safe. I have also been told that I can be non-binary if I don't identify with the gender stereotypes, and I identified with that.

But I guess those weren't really your points, your point was just that those are the reasons for you not to be as active anymore. And that's fine! I obviously hope that you still believe in female empowerment and women's liberation, and you seem to. I'd almost go so far to say that some of your beliefs are still those of a radfem, but maybe you have other stuff to focus on, and that's totally cool ofc!

Also, thank you for saying that about my blog and say hello to your friend from me hahah

[shatterthefragments]

hi! 💜 i'm intrigued by the Nazareth trans allegory comic [sleep token] from your wip list, if you'd like to share some thoughts about it. have a lovely day! 🌻

🫂💖💖💖💖💖 Ok ok SO!!! Nazareth Trans Allegory comic!!!

RAMBLING ON AHEAD!!!!!!!!

There’s. This is what was in my notes app so far so this is the entirety of the wip basically bc I hadn’t externalized this until I actually started to write an answer for this!!! 🫂

(Brought to you by me listening to Nazareth on repeat last week and a bit into this one so far it is number 1 on my on repeat atm and questioning if I really *have to* put off/forget about gender affirming care Despite The Horrors (bloodwork and surgery) after all I was able to get tattooed and it didn’t even put me in a dissociative tailspin.. if I get to a place I can Get Out of this house (with all my stuff))

^this is presumably from May when I started writing this out. But as of September 11 2024, Nazareth is still number 5 on my on repeat playlist as I mull this over in my head like a rotisserie chicken.

Um. I guess cw for transphobia

And also brought to you by me starting to type:

This is probably nothing but “let’s fuck her up” referring to the girl that

(They all think you are)

And then Promptly abandoning it to go NAZARETH TRANS ALLEGORY.

While I do question my ability to pull it off I am throwing myself off the cliff of “I must make perfect art” and diving into the waters of “if it brings joy or catharsis it is ALL PERFECT” and it’s better to try and to learn as I go than to worry and not create anything at all.

This would be. A short comic. Not like. Not like a book comic or anything.

Will absolutely feature calligraphy bc I’m a sucker and love it 😘(also I’m out of practice and have to reference the alphabets way more than I used to so I want to practice also anything that uses that much black gets assigned calligraphy in my head 😘)

Also unsure of how closely it follows what I’m rambling about here and what I’m actually capable of depicting but HERE WE GO (not sure how coherent I just type things)

But primarily it follows the song and its lyrics and the emotions (?)

TWINKLIEST BITS ARE BEING EQUATED TO FINDING YOUR CHOSEN FAMILY OKAY!!!!!!

And ALSO the jubilation in BECOMING in changing your life to be how you are and finding the joy in living again

So The Wrath. In this. I haven’t fully decided how many interpretations I’m giving it. But it is definitely representing transphobia, particularly from birth families and the people we’re close with.

I’ll see you when the wrath comes.

I’ll see you when you come running to your chosen family (the “I” here) being welcomed in and safe from the wrath touching you.

“Knocking on your bedroom door with money” I mean fuck. Transition related stuff is so expensive 😭 even though I have universal healthcare it’s. Expensive. Even just the binders I have from when I bound on a regular basis were pretty expensive. Makeup to do masculinizing makeup would be expensive (I don’t have or wear makeup (my obsession with dark red lipstick and other fun colours notwithstanding) let alone have the skill currently to do that)

“Building you a kingdom” finally being the king of your own world rather than a subject subjected to so many unspoken rules that just bind you to unhappiness and obligation is what comes to mind at first but honestly I’m not entirely sure what to do for the next line

“Dripping from the open mouth, I’ll show you / what you look like, from the inside” like. I have vague images floating around in my head that I’m not sure how to articulate atm.

Hollow point. You know. Like the syringe used to draw up testosterone from the vial. To a naked body/booty (look. I know that the thigh is just fine as an injection site but I did watch love lies bleeding thanks to @ongreenergrasses so it is in the mind) (yes,, even still…)

Now on one hand. The pronouns are she/her used in the lyrics.

But ALSO could be interpreted as the rest of everyone seeing him/them as her still and refusing to acknowledge their/his identity (undecided on whether anyone else knows in this comic or even how I’d storyboard that)

Also. I won’t be missing you in mirror

They won’t be missing you the pitchfork crowd

So I would be going with the transmasc version bc it’s more related to me and my experiences and how I see things

(Aside from like the one week back in high school where after so long as a boy I was a girl and I was fully like freaking out and wondering how I’d transition before like. It occurred to me. Anyway that didn’t last long and was the quickest gender switch I’ve experienced (I generally say if I am indeed gender fluid then the fluid is a slow moving lava consuming all in its path) and I hovered (and still kinda continue to hover) somewhere in the realm of nonbinary transmasc demiboy or something I’m not thinking too hard about the labels I just want to be comfortable and as happy as possible)

BUT ALSO 👀

Transfem Nazareth

Fuck her up - fuck up the woman you’re expected to be by everyone else.

Hollow point… unfortunately I can’t help but think of the disproportionate rates of violence against trans women and particularly trans women of colour.

[makoredeyes]

Keep it coming you say? 👀 I saw that tag! I'm ~quite~ bored, so here's a couple questions/whatever they're considered, lol.

Yes, flattery will get me very far here, indeed! To where? I do not know, but whatever, compliments! You deserve them. I'm rather sure my friends are tired of hearing me go on and on about destiny characters, ':)

How's your writing wip's going so far? I'm waiting very (im)patiently for any updates, I've totally not re-read everything forty-two times.. hope their all going well!

A little self indulgence here, but I like to think Andal Brask was the Hunter Vanguard when Osiris and Saint-14 were in, because.. come on, I'm rather sure the time frame adds up. I like to believe before, because their dynamic just seems really fun to me. Lots of great opportunities. (I partly blame that one fanart sylenth-l made of Andal and Osiris for this, it was really funny). What do you think their dynamic would be like?

What do you think it'd be like if the Iron Lords mysteriously came back alive? 👀 I'm talking, SIVA couldn't actually kill them because their ghosts hid in the light in their bodies, and SIVA only goes after non-organic materials right? Maybe it couldn't work it's way into the light, and as long as their ghost + light are intact, = alive. But *only* after the Warmind managed to get control over SIVA and free their physical bodies from harm? It's a thought I had, influenced by a few fics but I quite like the idea. Just imagine, a ghostless, lightless Osiris receiving word that maybe, they weren't as dead as he thought they were. Or Fel and Timur coming back only to realize what happened to Osiris?? Poor Sagira?? Learning lady Efrideet's alive? 👀 (Is that her name?)

Or perhaps, In this one fic, it's Timur and his special, take over your will little stunt he has, was keeping SIVA at bay, I think that's pretty neat too! So many possibilities! (If you were the one that wrote these, I hope you see this as a compliment cause I am not about to go dig through Ao3 to find them xD)

Either way, it'd be like a modern!au of the iron lords, for them at least, hah (I can just imagine Gheleon having a mental breakdown that their memorial involved fighting one another)

I can't really think of anything, but rest assured I will *probably* be back once I'm dome tormenting my poor boy Tevis

Ahaha yeesss YESSSS I feed me I'm such an attention whore lmao RIP XD. (fr tho bless you ;_; )

I am writing! There are longer gaps between posts rn because I have lots going on in my life, but also, because I am working on many fics at once. I counted the other day I have 26 WIPs but six I am actively working on in concert - three for Housefire that are all directly intermingled plot and timing-wise to the point where I'm not even entirely sure what order I'll be posting them in yet, another chapter for Things Found (I am trying to stay 2 chapters ahead with that to make sure I have a cohesive story for it), and two XXX stand-alone one-shots! I should fish out another teaser for everyone soon. I think it'll be one of the one-shots that makes it out next tbh they're the furthest along. But the naughty stuff is also the slowest to get written bc I yanno...can't write that stuff at work, etc. haha. But I've felt a new wind of motivation lately for writing and am picking away at these projects pretty regularly. <3

I'm going to admit I am not very well-read on the hunter squad in general, BUT iirc I believe Andal was Vanguard during the City Age. He was definitely around as I recall his presence in the comics. The problem with that time is that Osiris was largely absent. This was when the Cult of Osiris was gaining traction, and Osiris' obsession with the Darkness and the Vex was really heating up. He was neglecting his duties to the Vanguard (with Ikora often standing in as proxy for him) and he wasn't really paying attention to anyone else. Like. At all. There was a lot of unhappy tension even with Saint at that time. Andal, by all accounts, was a damn good fella though, and while I think just about everyone nettled Osiris, Andal also stuck up for him where he could. Even if Osiris couldn't appreciate that in the moment I'm sure he would come to later. I look at Osiris and see him as he is now, with some hard lessons learned and some hard losses under his belt, realizing a little too late some of the damn good souls he had in his court, Andal included. All of that said, 100% in a lighter, easier setting, a free-spirit like Andal (and/or Cayde...heaven forbid them both together!) would drive a stuffed shirt like Osiris up an absolute freaking wall with pure comical results, hands down.

(a side note, a brain storm, an insane thought that just poisoned my brain - a sweeter moment hidden from time: Andal's guitar and this gift of song Saint has hinted Osiris has....??????! I'm not melting it's just hot in here, right???)

As for Ironsbane and SIVA... I have INDEED put an awful lot of thought into this. Quite a lot. So much. I have my own ideas on ways to circumvent the disaster, O Reader Mine, but you're going to have to wait a while longer for me to write it. :3 (Housefire is, after all, ultimately, a fixit )

*but no SIVA attacks whatever it is programmed to, organic or not: and Rasputin set it on hundreds of Iron Lords and wiped them all out with the sole exception Efrideet and Saladin with the directives “REPLICATE, ELIMINATE, IMMUNIZE” it was not what SIVA was made to do but he deliberately repurposed it into a weapon. (I could go on for years about Rasputin and his darker epochs, but especially his misappropriation of SIVA lol)

** Your mention of Timur and his spooky skills DID remind me of another fic I need to get back to as well OTL TT_TT I still have requests I took in January I have yet to complete. At this rate it's going to take me all year to get them all done and by then I'll be taking more aahaha whuups.

[londondungeon2]

SCHISM SEQUEL

//NOT written by me

//a bookmark on my work Schism/ on AO3 that i copy and pasted here bc i want to keep it (in case it gets deleted i’ll cry)

//i’ll probably ask the writer for permission to use this as a sequel someday

A story in which Floyd sees his brother interacting with someone who isn't there, calling the air by MC's name, and that freaks him out a little because he doesn't know what's going on. Just lying in bed pretending to sleep but with one eye open, poking over the top of his pillow as Jade apologizes and sobs and gets his heart broken night after night. Slip in a bit of 12 Dancing Princesses with Jade and MC both getting worn down but neither willing to say anything about the ghost of MC's sorrow between them. Floyd just watches his brother slip from his bed over and over until eventually, he grows desperate enough to metaphorically follow him.

Floyd asks MC, spilling the beans about the spector and Jade's nightly habits, and MC explains the ghost camera and how it works. Floyd sneaks the camera out to take a picture of his brother to see if he can use Jade's specter to get a clue. That night, he encourages Jade to sleep over at Ramshackle and Floyd sits awake with the picture he took of his twin, watching it in silence like he's stalking prey. It's only when his eyes drift closed to sleep that Jade steps out of the frame, working to make Floyd sleep 12 Dancing Princesses style. Warm lavender tea on Floyd's bedside table, tucking in his brother, pulling off his shoes... Floyd is pissed on waking up and he can't tell if it was the picture or his actual brother that put him to bed. He rips up the picture and tries again that next day, and the same thing happens- real Jade leaves, Floyd dozes off briefly, picture Jade comes to take care of his brother.

The third night, Floyd wises up and pretends to fall asleep early. Picture Jade comes and Floyd catches him in the act, smirking, but the picture is unhappy with this development. Floyd converses with the picture and over the course of the conversation, the duo establish that Jade and Floyd cannot lie to each other and that extends to picture Jade too, picture Jade and Floyd care for each other because IRL Jade adores Floyd and vise versa, and that picture Jade doesn't want to answer Floyd's questions because he doesn't want to hurt his brother. Floyd surmises aloud from this alone that he isn't enough for his brother anymore. Picture Jade is stricken by this and Floyd nods, heart crumbling as he absorbs this info and the confirmation. The picture sadly admits that he forgets sometimes how clever Floyd is but then something like this happens and he's reminded all over again why he picked his twin all those years ago. This hurts Floyd too.

Floyd asks the picture why he isn't enough anymore and the picture explains that as people grow practiced in love, it's common for their hearts to expand to accommodate more people. For those who struggle with this, a bit of stretching, willfully putting your heart in the line, can help it grow. Teaching yourself empathy by picking it up from others can also make a body love a little more broadly. For Jade, it was all three and it wasn't easy but it was 100% worth it. Floyd isn't enough because Jade has made space for MC specifically. Floyd is perfect as he is and he fits his role in Jade's heart perfectly, it's just that Jade himself has changed.

Floyd admits quietly that he himself hasn't changed at all and sadly, picture Jade agrees. A Jade without MC can never be as happy as a Jade with MC. But- Jade hesitates, then takes the plunge- a Jade without Floyd could never be happy at all.

As Jade is making this statement, though, he's turned away from Floyd, busying himself with making tea. As such, Floyd can't tell if it's a lie and something bitter sinks in his gut. Floyd at this point starts trying to pick apart picture Jade and actual Jade, something in him desperate to be able to discount this as not actually Jade because then maybe it'll hurt less. He lurches forward and hugs picture Jade from behind and the picture drops the teacup, startled.

Floyd admits sadly that he doesn't want Jade sad, Jade calls Floyd a silly eel and says that he's actually rather happy. He's glad he's loved and that Floyd is affected because it's proof Floyd loves him. He admits softly that Jade- actual Jade- needs reminders of that sometimes, especially now. That all hurt aside, Jade has been chosen and will continue to be chosen.

It knocks Floyd for a loop for a moment that the picture, which has been blurring with real Jade in his mind, is now differentiating between them and he steps back. Jade smiles and thanks Floyd for caring, apologizing for hurting him then explaining that MC has regrets and Jade's struggling with knowing he's hurting his loved ones.

Ah, an eel's dilemma- hurting those they care for by loving too much! So possessive, so hurt to know they aren't first in the heart, so hurt that they think this way at all because they know it hurts others. Jade asks Floyd to be there for him, hugs his twin, and vanishes.

Floyd meets up with Jade the next morning, smiling, ready to put his heart on the line to support his twin.

[vulnerasti-cor-meum]

longgggg vent post. I'm sorry. Im just feeling maddened lately. at best I probably sound like a petulant teenager.

my mom's making a huge fuss abt my bday weekend. she was proposing we go out to eat for next few days. That's absurd. it's absurd and unthinkable bc I have actively been skipping sit-down dinners with her, because I am on a self-campaign to minimize time with her. I hate dinner. I have nothing to say. she stares at me when we're eating.I am hungry every evening. And I have no appetite in the morning. and I have nightmares about her. about screaming at her and about her being my enemy. and my poor progenitress is at home all the live-long day (listening to YT preachers all day) because Im the one using the car for work, so who knows what that does to her. she hardly eats, herself, and even less now that there's no excuse for dining with me. I said that we can eat out ONCE, at texas roadhouse, which In my brain I consider to be too tacky because Im trying to develop good taste, but in my heart, who tf am I kidding. last therapist told me that if I want my mom to respect me as a man and not a child, I need to show her Im a man and not a child, but my resentment is such that I dont want to show her any part of myself at all, All Ive ever felt is rejection from her. on every axis and dimension. and now she's divorced and jobless and isolated from broader culture and Im her early retirement fund until some day in the long and unhappy future.

and now I have a lover whom Ive been seeing for seven months, we've been intimate, we go on dates, he buys me tix to the cinema and we hold hands for two hours and he's told me he adores me and is crazy about me, and I dont think I believed him even though I think he may have been wooing me (how seriously though?). Even though I said IDK if I could see us being anything more than occasional lovers, he still continued to see me afterward. And now I'm crazed for him my body ails for him my stomach is in knots and my brain is abuzz. I canceled a date two weeks ago with him because I was sick. He said he'd wait for me. When I texted him five days later that I was better (four days of silence), turns out he had left on a postponed roadtrip. (he didnt tell me. was he still waiting for me? why didnt he tell me? was I entitled to know? Of course not.) He leaves back for town today: He said he'd keep me posted (more specifically on some property he was contemplating buying at the trip-destination). I told him Id like to see him again soon. he heart-reacted. There's no reason to expect I wont see him again unless it's due to the inherent unstable bond between uncommitted chemical bodies. I dont know how long to wait till I ask him to see me again. I dont want to be a creep. I dont want to seem creepily desperate but I need him to know I want him so badly (or even at all! even if just for an evening!) and that yes I do want to work out something even one degree of magnitude "more" than what we are.I want to give of myself more generously. I want to be his possession.He doesnt reject me in that he's told me Im perfect even if my rship with my mom keeps me from giving myself more to him. I dont know if his kissyface emotes mean anything. I keep analyzing seven months' of texts like a statistician or a conspiracy theorist.

I want a new job but Ive only been here a year and can barely handle the work for which Ive been employed and which even is the only kind of work that accords with my resume. Clients depress me and get me down (senior citizens; fixed incomes; living in slums. I always fear that Im looking into a mirror of my own future). my colleagues are the sweetest persons in the world and my hours are so forgiving, so I know I should be grateful, but it's so hard so so hard.

I've been telling myself lately that God has meted out a long and unhappy life for me and that I know this in my heart, but who knows how much this is truth and how much this is slanderous against God

[midnightmah07]

Accidental Mishaps

Lmao here you go @viilpstick

"So you taste test everything before kalim eats it? "

"Yes I have to, given that one could be poisoned."

"And what if it is? What about you?"

"That doesn't matter. "

"Well it matters to me. So you won't be testing anything-"

"You know that's not possib-"

"i will. "

"WHAT-"

Jamils expression dropped as he raise his hand to pull Cordelia aside, quickly retracting his arm back as he got a glare from Ezrie, Cordelia's escort.

"I know what you're thinking, Jamil. But I'm not the same as you remember? My body filters posion. Given that I already have toxins in my body, poison won't have an effect on me"

"while that is correct, I still don't think it's a good idea you should be-"

"Ezrie it's fine~besides there is a silver lining! Our kingdom doesn't have this type of food so getting to try it out is a plus point! "

So with that, Ezrie and Jamil simply watched as Cordelia tried the foods laid out on the table, Jamil more reluctant but standing still given that he didn't need another reason to make Ezrie hate him more.

Besides once Cordelia makes up her mind about something, she remains firm on it so there really wasn't any other option.

Near the end of the table, Cordelia took a spoonfull of some corn soup. It was still warm.

"You know, I can't put my finger on it but something about this soup... Is... Weir-"

Her voice became sluggish as at the end of her sentence she passed out. Ezrie was quick to catch her, checking her temperature, that surely enough had spiked considerably.

"i told her not to... "

Jamil could only view the scene unfold horribly as his worries were quickly shut down.

"Relax yourself Viper. She's not poisoned. If at most, that soup has a spell on it but not posion. Miss Cordelia would have known instantly and what she was saying clearly indicated it isn't a posion at work. "

"Listen, Whatever it is, we need to take her to the infirmary. "

"Agreed. "

Stirring in the infirmary bed, Cordelia's eyes fluttered open,a pink hue casted over them, as she sat up.

Her ears still ringing, she could faintly make out a voice asking how she was as she turned to the owner of the voice.

The realization hit Jamil as soon as he saw her eyes. Oh shoot.

"So I'm hearing this correct? Someone tried to give Kalim a love potion, but it backfired and now Cordelia is possibly more head over heels for Jamil if thats possible. "

"You are correct. "

Jeanne got the response to her question through gritting teeth. Out of everyone, Ezrie was the most unhappy with the outcome. Still while a part of Jeanne really wanted to see how this played out, the other part was furious on how had attempted to give the love potion to kalim instead. For now, she'd go and check on Cordelia.

"so where are they? "

"In Viper's room. Alone. "

Once more, Jeanne could feel Ezrie's gaze darken. Clearly this was distasteful to her since she didn't trust Jamil with Cordelia in the slightest.

However when she made it to Jamils room and opened the door, she felt like laughing at the sight.

Jamil was sitting in bed, covered in lipstick stains as Cordelia was fast asleep, arms wrapped around his figure.

"Before you saw anything, she was especially stubborn and needy and didn't listen to a word I was saying. "

KSJDIEJKEJES THEY'RE SO SILLY!!!11 LOVE POTIONS PLOT 🔛🔝

THIS IS SO FUN I love Cordelia trying out the food for poison bc girlie is not going to be hurt by it, it being a love potion for Kalim is SO FUNNY who in this school is trying to get my boy⁉️

[noemitenshi]

I’m rewatching there seasons and I’m wondering if Troy did go with the purpose of killing Mike, what’s your opinion?

Oh god, the Mike thing!!! I'm still not sure I have cracked that one yet haha (and it's been years XD) Forever salty we did not actually get to see what happened (they always tell us Troy is bad but they never really show us. what's that about, hmm? can't really go there...?) what I wouldn't give to see it…

Anyway, to the actual question: I don't think Troy went with the purpose to kill Mike, I believe he tells the truth when he explains himself later, namely, that he wanted to talk to Mike. He does seem pretty torn up about Mike leaving in that one scene with Madison in the pantry, where he talks about his feelings (before he goes out to confront him).

(Also notice how in this scene he's trying to open up/connect emotionally to Madison and how she only engages in as much as it leads the conversation towards her goals. when he goes "hard to know how to react to something like that" that's the heart of it, to him. What's got him confused, what he needs to understand. He's in essence asking for help there, for her to make sense of it or help him make sense of it and instead of doing any of that Madison goes "make sure no one else leaves" which is exactly her goal. bc if people leave the ranch, chances of winning the war are lower (or nonexistent if enough people leave)) Also, I fully believe, if he'd have planned to go out to kill mike he would've cleaned up his mess better. He's a lot of things but definitely not stupid. And you see how oh shit he is about being found out when Madison comes back with the bodies.

You also see that he is unhappy with himself in that talk they have shortly after - in which he tells her his reasons for going after them.

Namely, because he felt Mike owed it to him to tell him to his face (that their friendship was over). Which I also find believable. My reasoning is that in the already referenced pantry scene, he did voice his confusion over mike leaving pretty clearly. He really wanted, no, needed to know (I think that may be one of his driving forces btw, the need to know, I know no one asked me that but how can I pass up that opportunity to point it out XD). And then Madison goes "He didn't want to do that, did he?" And Troy shakes his head no, so… he must've tried to talk to Mike, to know that Mike refused to do what he asked of him.

Anyway, so yes, I don't believe he wanted to do this.

I do, however, believe that he knew it was a bad idea to follow the Trimbols. A part of him did suspect it could go out of hand - that things could go badly (he knows he has trouble keeping control when angry, I'm sure). I don't think he wanted it to go there, though. And I also don't think he felt like he could've stopped himself from going after them, again, because of his need to know (that probably feels overwhelming at times).

Thank you for the question and giving me opportunity to talk about this Mike thing!! I also had a whole thing already typed about how I tried to make sense of the scene of the crime, reconstruct what happened there, but honestly it was so rambly (and also not really part of your question) I just got rid of it hahahah

I do hope you find my answer satisfying and otherwise I'm always down for discussing things further (or for other folks to jump in and correct me/offer their own perspective)! Have a great day, nonny 🧡

[thegeminisage]

STAR TREK UPDATE TIME! tuesday we watched voy's YEAR OF HELL parts i & ii:

THESE RUUUUULED

firstly, love janeway's new hair. i did come around to the old hair eventually and i liked how long it was but it was always so weirdly shaped around her head. good for her chopping it all off

also, it's wonderful that she can be transfem and still a teensy bit butch, you know? in my mind palace this is bc she is finally settling into the new gender identity and it's also a little bit because seven is really bringing out her inner dyke <3

SPEAKING OF SEVEN. SEVEN AND TUVOK. AUUUUGHGHGHG CRITICAL HIT

tuvok shielding seven with his entire body...tuvok losing his eyesight and seven helping to escort him around the ship...his mirror, broken where he punched it...his shaving with a real razor and also him nicking himself with it.........AUGH

blind just like spock in that one episode. holy god i love tuvok and i love seven and i love that apparently they're gonna be buds now

janeway was so fucking fantastic in this ep...i love womens wrongs. she was so withdrawn and unhappy that the doc LITERALLY TRIED to pull a leonard mccoy and couldnt. and THE WAAAAAATCHH

I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY'RE NEVER GONNA REMEMBER THE WATCH...GOD. KILL ME

i looooved chakotay's stubble. he looked like shit (honorific) and it was a crime to clean him up like that

chakotay and tom paris getting captured together was fun and of the two of them you do kind of expect chakotay to be the one to drink the koolaid...tom paris IS the guy who is gonna say "oh no fuck that it's stupid." like, that guy was all "you're eating the last of my genocide food" and before he had even finished the sentence tom paris had had enough because say what you will about him but the man is not an intellectual. genocide bad end of story. you can't trap him in your ethical arguments because he doesn't <3 have a brain

like, at first i was like this is racist you can't make the indigenous guy drink the koolaid which is still true but i also think chakotay is the optimistic one and the one who values life more, so if given a way to potentially recover all those lives, he would try, particular when it means he could save janeway/voyager at the same time. tom is just not gonna think this through because thinking is not his forte god bless

i just wish everyone COULD remember this year, because it was such a cool episode, and so much character development happened, but it just has to go away :(

that said, i did like the ending, even though i didn't sympathize with the villain at all - if time has moods, and you pissed her off by erasing those people, the only way she'll forgive you is if you yourself get erased. also, janeway doing the suicide run with the watch on her belt WAAAAAAHHHH

TONIGHT: voy's "random thoughts" and ds9's "resurrection" both of these summaries look real bad, so i am Bracing myself

[zeep-xanflorp]

making sense of that's amorte bc i'm silly

ok so the spaghetti like represents a lot of things. it brings the family together despite bad things happening. it brings them joy. but then they find out that this product that is bringing them so much happiness actually comes from a direct result of unhappiness, depression, and ultimately a person's suicide. they're eating the body of a person who killed themselves. i suppose the question then is: is it worth it to continue enjoying something that makes you happy even if it's something you consider wrong? rick considers the spaghetti guilt free, so his answer is yes, prioritising his own pleasure. but morty's answer is no, and he seeks to solve it.

he wants to learn the names of the ppl he's been eating in an attempt to humanise them and get closure, but isn't satisfied even then. he goes to the funeral of their most recent victim and tells the people there about what they were doing, to get it off his chest.

interestingly, the family are more upset over not having their spaghetti night anymore than the fact they've been eating people and are angrier at morty than rick.

the government then invites morty back to the planet to get his full statement on everything he's doing. they serve him a plate of human spaghetti and tell him it's okay bc the person who it came from consented to being eaten. morty says this makes it go down easier and they realise they have a product bc of how delicious it is. they start selling it on a large scale under the brand name "morty-o's suicide spaghetti."

then this episode turns into a critique on capitalism and consumerism and potentially cannibalism? in the way it kinda explores the argument that cannibalism is the only ethical way to consume meat. the government of the world rick was stealing bodies from is now using morty to indirectly act like the frontman to advertising spaghetti as a product. this makes the planet start to commodify their ppl's pain. literally. they make ppl more miserable to cause more suicides so they can make more product to sell more money.

morty decides this is unacceptable and seeks a solution. he tells rick that if he gets help, he won't look for the moral flaws in rick's deeds ever again. rick agrees and manufactures a creature that is almost a person but is basically created just to kill themselves and become spaghetti. they seem to be okay with this option, until it's ruined by protestors and they're back to square one.

then my leadt favourite part of the episode. morty remembers rick can synthesise anything he gets a sample of which HE OR RICK SHOULDVE REMEMBERED SOONER BEFORE SO MANY PPL DIED. IDC HOW NAIVE YOURE TRYING TO MAKE MORTY OUT TO BE HERE HES FUCKING NOT ANYMORE SO ALL OF THE PPL WHO HAVE DIED IN THIS FUCKING EPISODE AFTER THE MORTY-'O'S DISCOVERY IS FUCKING ON FHEM.

but there's only one person left who would probably kill themselves and the only way they're able to convince him to follow through is to present him an opportunity to end the spaghetti trade forever. and so he agrees. he goes into a euthanasia chamber and presses a button, rick grabs everyone's attention and broadcasts this guys entire life history to everyone so they can see the intrinsic value of life, the beauty of individuality and lived experiences. then everyone's finally grossed out by the spaghetti and put off it forever. no more spaghetti.

rick points out that it's not these ppl's deaths that made the spaghetti distasteful but the complexity of life, and i think that's basically the thesis statement of this episode. that and the fact that not everything is black and white, even if morty desperately wants them to be. he learns grey areas are sometimes acceptable.

favourite scene is the ending when rick is teasing them.

idk not the biggest fan of this episode. i think it had smth to say but missed the mark. this is just me reading into everything and trying to make sense of this. fucking dark even for this show, even for my tastes.