#bc i was over here crying thinking abt it

[littlestarbigsky]

been thinking long and hard abt soda and what it did to him to drop out of high school (i also feel bad bc somehow the only fics i have abt soda are all ships and i know i can do better for my boy)

so here’s a quick lil thing abt darry and soda after soda dropped out :p

darry couldn’t remember the last time soda had been this upset. even after their parents died, there were moments when the gang was all together and soda could laugh and feel the littlest bit normal again, but this felt like it was never going to end, and there was no reprieve. there was no end in sight, and darry couldn’t do anything to help him.

his grades had been going downhill for a while. it wasn’t his fault, or at least not entirely. it had been years since soda had done alright in school on his own instead of barely scraping by, and at some point the class had left him behind and it was like they started speaking another language.

and then their parents died.

soda already had enough trouble missing one day of school, let alone missing a week while they tried to throw together a funeral.

a month after their parents had died, after far too many nights at the kitchen table crying over math homework, after screaming matches that shook the roof over his grades, after darry had yelled so many times about how failing out of school was a surefire way to get them sent to a boy’s home, soda finally said that he was dropping out of school.

he could barely leave his room after telling darry, he couldn’t even tell ponyboy himself. he didn’t know what to do with himself, battling with his own mind every hour of the day. thoughts bouncing around his head of feeling like a failure for not even being able to graduate high school, bullying himself over not being able to joke around about it or making other people happy, which felt like maybe the only thing he was good at anymore. he knew that he was going to fail out eventually, so what was the point?

“soda?” darry cracked the door open, his eyes landing on his little brother where he had been for the last three days: curled up in bed, his back to the door. “do you want some dinner?”

soda silently shook his head.

darry sighed, “you can’t stay in here, forever, pepsi. we miss you out there.”

soda didn’t give much of a response, just gave a half hearted shrug.

“listen,” darry let himself into the room, sitting down on the bed and bringing a hand up to rub soda’s back. “i know you feel lousy, and i know you’ve got a lot on your mind, but you’ve gotta get back to living, soda. you’ve just gotta. we couldn’t get along without you.”

soda rolled over and sat up, and darry had to swallow a gasp at the state of his brother. soda’s eyes were rubbed raw and angry red from crying with deep shadows stamped under them, his hair was sticking up at all angles from the grease he hadn’t washed out in days, and his clothes were wrinkled and hanging loosely off of him.

“soda…”

darry could hardly get the word out before soda had thrown himself at his big brother, tears starting up again. god, he was so tired of crying.

“i’m so sorry,” he cried miserably, clutching to darry with everything he had in him.

darry felt the tears hit his shoulder and his heart ached for his little brother, “i know, i ain’t mad at you, honey.”

“mom and dad just wanted me to graduate and i couldn’t even do that! how am i supposed to do anything if i can’t do that?” soda sobbed.

“they’re not mad at you either, baby, don’t say that,” darry could feel tears prickling in his own eyes.

“listen, i don’t care if you’re lyin’ to me,” soda leaned back, his eyes not meeting darry’s. “but can you please tell me it’s gonna be okay.”

darry felt like he had missed a step going down stairs with the way the words made his stomach drop. he grabbed soda’s face in his hands and forced his brother to look at him.

“it’s gonna be okay, baby. i don’t know when and i don’t know how but i promise you, we’re gonna be okay. i’m gonna make sure we are.”

he wasn’t sure soda believed him, and maybe he didn’t even fully believe himself, but he had made a promise, and he had every intention of making good on it. some of the tension soda had been holding in his shoulders seemed to melt away, and darry knew he would be okay with saying everything over and over again if it meant soda didn’t have to be so scared.

“thank you… i know you hate lying to us.”

“i wasn’t lying.”

[skrs-cats]

twoigbranch

[casualavocados]

I asked myself why I failed to notice. It was the first time we'd been apart that long. I found the birthday gifts you prepared for me in my room, from my 18th to my 21st. ...Shut up. I started to think about what you were doing back then. Were you celebrating my birthday all by yourself?

KISEKI: DEAR TO ME Ep. 12

[bacchuschucklefuck]

you get riz gukgak so well 👍👍

thank u!! he really kinda is all of my favourite character things rolled into one package (negotiation of principles/investigator-truth seeker-negotiator with reality and the narrative/obnoxious character whose narrative reward for participating in the story is getting to be even more authentically obnoxious/deeply and hauntingly aroace

[lume-nosity]

boo! lume jumpscare coming to your feed because i finally found the time (and memory) to visit here. I MISSED YOU GUYS AAAAAGH i mean um hi or whatever,, what did i miss? how’s everyone? it’s been a hot minute.

[phagodyke]

the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍

[3416]

the thing about the mitch talk that makes no sense is like. yes, an organization CAN get someone to waive their nmc by saying they're not going to pay what he wants and it would be better for everyone involved to get on board with the idea of a trade if that's the path the organization has Most Certainly decided on, but mitch marner has all the leverage with the leafs in this situation, and it still hardly makes sense to force that or be sure of it at this moment. IF they approached him about not wanting to sign him for what they know he's going to ask which is prob 11.5-12.5 i'd guess (which... why THIS year would suddenly be the year they changed their mind about having a forward group make so much after signing absolutely ridic contracts last year is already lol and before a huge one comes off the books w jt... like.. flkdjs it feels like a fan fueled narrative of frustration here), that would essentially force him into giving them a list of teams he'd be willing to go to. it will be a short list of competitive teams who also are not going to want to be giving up much. the LEAFS would then have to find a trade that works within those very specific teams and is worth it to them, and they might say fuck it, mitch will be the better option to try to get us to the post season this year. and then be a) forced to let him walk for nothing in return if they still don't want to sign him at the end of the year or b) tempted to give him an extension where he MIGHT have driven up his own price based on performance that year. like it just. this narrative that mitch marner in the last year of his contract with a full nmc will be somehow forced out of the leafs and that's the LIKELY outcome is so ????????? tell me one trade where this team improves w the guys out here on expiring deals as it stands rn and why the organization would see improvement bc i can tell you they aren't just going to trade for the sake of cap space. i know the trade deadline and everything will also come into play if he hasn't been re-signed by then, but there's a very real chance mitch marner drives up his own price the way nylander did and then what. people are going to be even more furious like ??? just the surety with which people act like it is happening and Has to Happen despite not knowing whats available on the market or having a genuine proposal is actually terrible for the leafs, lol.

[bunnihearted]

☁️🌷

[slashersweethearts]

i think a lil bit too hard abt the very good chance of melina having pictures where she is posted up exactly like this w the hickses and start crying screaming throwing up banging my head into the wall and things of that nature. actually

[olteacup]

after this im never getting another pet till i accept the cycle of life.. grr icky emotions, back emotions get back!! 🤺🤺

(im okay ish now thoo) :3

[nomairuins]

bedtime nowww probably ummm today qas not what i wanted it 2 be but its fine. i dont feel negative just a very very very numb day which is almost worse. but only almost 🙏

[bylertruther]

just remembered lucas and will's excited tappy-hands hugs and also their strong, stable, full body, will's chin hooked over his shoulder hugs . i am both Healed and also Dead

[seventh-district]

.

[zoekrystall]

Zero idea if it'll help or fade into the background but I downloaded stuff to track things and smacked widgets onto my homescreen to not forget. Initially searched for pain ones (where I downloaded two just for good measure ig) but saw that one is customizable for like anything you want and no purchase stuff for me bc included in that one pass and said sure fuck it. I think at the min I need to track pain bc by my memory do I go mental thinking if it just feels frequent n all or if it actually is and mind goes blank when at the doc (will just be fun translating to ger OTL I learn sm to describe stuff in eng but then it lacks in first language). Alas for whatever reason lil me never thought abt actually writing these things down (prob bc every adult anyways dismissed them to the point of not being sure if the pain was actually there so what was the point. but now. now I'm the adult in my life who calls the shots for their own life even if anxiety makes it hard).

[vamptastic]

i think my constant seething rage is honestly very reasonable. i literally live in florida.

[caramelmochacrow]

IM CRYING IM BAWLING IM SOBBING (episode 12 of love live school idol punched me in the gut)