#bc i dont have the energy + if i think abt it too much i get all fussy + mentally ill (/neutral) abt how what i do/dont answer is Perceived | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

luck-of-the-drawings · 7 months ago

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"I think this is the most inhuman; and human, that I've ever felt.." MUCH CAN HAPPEN IN A YEAR. IN FIVE YEARS. A DECADE. imagine how much can happen in a century. just ONE (1). How will you grow? what phases do you find? even in 5 years, you will find patterns.

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi suckening #jrwi suckening spoilers #jrwi the suckening #arthur bennett #HEY SO THE REALLY FUNNY THING THAT THE CHARACTER DID THAT SEEMED RLY SILLY N GOOFY IN THE MOMENT?#LIKE THE WHIPLASH BETWEEN SERIOUS N SILLY ALMOST PISSED YOU OFF? WHAT IF I FOUND A WAY TO MAKE YOU SAD ABOUT IT #this was meant to be a scribble that would be a bigger part of a bigger page.might leave it on that page.#but still. bc o that i nearly posted it onto my wacky side blog.BUT NAYY I SPENT TOO MUCH TIME N ENERGY N YOU GOTTA SEE IT #ARTHUR BENNETT DRIVES ME CRAZY. I FEEL LIKE ITS ODD FOR HIM TO BE SO TECHNOLOGICALLY OUT OF TOUCH #WHERE HAS HE BEEN. HAS HE BEEN IN WAR? IS THAT WHERE MAGNUS CAME FROM? WHERE WAS HE WHEN HE WAS WITH EDWARDS CREW?#ARTHURRR I HAVE QUESTIONS ARTTHUUURR!! HEY CAN I ALSO ASK; WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU BECOME #DO YOU THINK HE HAD ANY IDEA HE WOULD VEER CLOSER AND CLOSER TO THE MONSTER HE DESPISES. ALL BC HE DESERVES IT. OR WATEVER #HE FASCINATES ME SO MUCH. TO LOOK AT THE STONE COLD STOIC FOOL FROM THE START OF THE SHOW #AND TO FIND OUT THAT HE USED TO BE A BAD BOY.. A DELINQUENT... A LIL PRANKSTER.... MY GODDD THATS ADORABLE #I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW MORE.... BUT I DOUBT THE LAST EPISODE IS GONNA ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS..i love arthur bennett so much....#AS FOR THE ART!! i mostly used the fire alpaca watercolor brush. tbh im not a brush guy. anti aliased default pen tends to be my main game #but LATELY IM SQQQUIRMIN OUT OF AN ARTBLOCK so expirimenting like this is helping #DONT LOOK TOO HARD AT IT!! im still proud tho. colors are fun :3 im also very proud of the backgrounds #I LOVE THE CARTOON THING where the background looks all fancy n painted but the characters are solid colors #what else can i ramble abt. OH YEAH. i looked up the bikes to make sure they were time accurate tehehehe. 1913 to 2012.#almost a century apart!! isnt that neat? ALSO FUUUCK CAN I JUST MAKE A QUICK CONFESSION. DOWN HERE IN MY TAGS.#only the strongest can read my tags anwyay. SO I REALIZED WHY I LOVE ARTHUR SO MUCH. TIME IS A FLAT CIRCLE #while arthur is a Stoic and Cool vampire w a knack for being playful/silly; who alsos been alive fora century thus witnessing HORRORs #THERE HAPPENS TO BE A ROBOT FROM A BAND W A TITANIUM ALLOY SPINAL COLLUMN #WHOS A Stoic and Cool ROBOT w a knack for being playful/silly; who alsos been alive fora century thus witnessing HORRORS #the fuckkkiiinnngggnn The Spine from steam powered giraffe. WHATEVER. i cant escape from my heart. i guess.#i think The Spine and Arthur could be friends. Arthur saw the band perform back when they were the Steam Man Band #EDIT: WOOPS I DIDNT REALIZE THIS WOULD END UP IN THE SPG TAG. HI GUYS DIDNT KNOW U WERE STILL ALIVE SORREE 4 THE CROSS CONTAMINATION

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iraprince · 6 months ago

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I was off my meds for a while and I think I might've sent you some weird and/or inappropriate asks 😬

I'm very sorry if I did and I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable

I hope you have a good day!

i really don't think so! that i can remember anyway. if i truly don't like an ask or it makes me uncomfortable i just delete it, which means i forget about them almost immediately, so no worries.

on the other hand if you were the anon who sent me something about being wasted and eating lasagna while reading my comics out loud to your dog, that one was good

#i just dont answer the vast majority of my asks anyway!!!#bc i dont have the energy + if i think abt it too much i get all fussy + mentally ill (/neutral) abt how what i do/dont answer is Perceived #so basically. if u sent me a nice ask i prob smiled. if u sent me a weird ask i prob furrowed my brow and obliterated it instantly #this is obviously not me giving u guys free license to be weird to me im just saying dont overthink it! ur prob fine

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seventh-district · 6 months ago

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not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go

(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)

#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill #well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst #like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc.#so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made #bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you #but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings #and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste #there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc #so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously)#but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything #if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is #which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose #anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate.#and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic!#if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it.#like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages #or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing #i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know #it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess #as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence #the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education #i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is-#writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl-#will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype #sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen #there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions #like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of-#'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity #like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem #but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.

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artificialmoth · 4 months ago

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I HAVE THOUGHTS ABOUT YOUR TAGS

I feel like Copia explains to Phantom (gently) that he doesn’t need to make the excuse of being ill to come and snuggle with him. Now, whenever Phantom can’t sleep, he invites himself into Copia’s bed and shuffles over until he is pressed RIGHT up against Copia 🥹

Copia loves to swaddle Phantom because he loves him but also because the lil heathen flails around in his sleep and Copia doesn’t want to get kicked in the hip again.

YOU GET ME!!!

Phantom starts sneaking into Copia's bed at night for a nice Papa cuddle. I'm just thinking of it starting on tour w/ phantom not being 100% sure if the other ghouls and the other ghouls kinda trying to feel him out y'know? Phantom goes to the one human and bunks with him, possibly after a rough show.

I also fully believe Phantom hogs the bed. he's swaddled bc it's not just cute and saves Copia from being kicked, but also bc otherwise Copia will wake up on the very edge of the bed with Phantom not even sprawled out, but tucked really close to his back bc he got too far away(bc phantom sprawled out)

Also maybe possibly post-tour they both think the nighttime visits will be over bc now they're home and such, Phantoms fully adjusted, and that's when phantom picks up excuses to go to Copia at night. he gets lonely and instead of going to any of the many ghouls who'd welcome him, he goes right for His Papa

#ask #copiasjuicebox #the band ghost #JUST. THEM. AUGH #theres a rlly specific swaddled baby bat pic im thinkin of but i dont have the energy to look for it #but know that im thinking abt them.#phantom like all the other ghouls has scared copia awake before too imo #just lurking in the doorway waiting for him to wake up and all he sees is a vague shape and eyes #he insists every time that hes gonna start turning them away bc his poor heart cant take yt #it*#all while fluffing the pillows and folding the blanket back to make space for them #also i DO fully hc that phantom sprawls out and then cuddles up #hes like a dog in the sense that he takes up sOOO much space and then looks at his bedmate with the saddest wettest eyes #if they dare say hes gotta move #mothspeaking #mothanswers

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liquidstar · 1 year ago

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WOW I FINALLY FINISHED THIS SET. There were a lot of things I wanted to get right for them so I took some extra time but hopefully it was worth it! The guild for this set is Cobalt Heart- a guild with focus on maritime missions, lead by (of course) guildmaster Neptune. There was no other planet I could've picked for his namesake lol. They're the guild I jokingly call the most jockish, but some moreso than others. I really do hope I did all the characters justice, but if you wanna know more about the individual members, it's under the cut as usual!

Name: Neptune

Name Origin: The planet named for the god of the ocean

Pronouns: He/him

Age: 52

Guild rank: Guildmaster

Weapon: Trident

Ethos (Power): Ocean wave (Control over water- stronger with sea water)

Flaw power is based on: Originally based on his overly relaxed go-with-the-flow nature, but since becoming a father and guildmaster he's matured, and his power grew from simple wave control to more powerful control over the ocean's water. Waves aren't always peaceful, but he's become someone who understands their power and the responsibility needed for it.

Notes: If it's unclear, the marks on his chest are meant to be top surgery tattoos, but in cool wave shapes!

Name: Triton

Name Origin: Neptune's moon, aptly named for his son

Pronouns: He/they

Age: 24

Guild rank: 4 star

Weapon: Twin sai

Ethos (Power): Ocean breath (Underwater breathing as well as other aquatic adaptions)

Flaw power is based on: His ardent wanderlust, especially in regards to the ocean. They literally cannot leave it alone despite any possible better reasoning, which is when it becomes a problem.

Notes: Was his other parent a mermaid or did they just do the fish thing on their own? The world may never know.

Name: Otrera

Name Origin: A trojan asteroid named after the queen of the Amazons

Pronouns: She/her

Age: 32

Guild rank: 5 star

Weapon: Brass knickles

Ethos (Power): Preflexes (Hightened reflexes)

Flaw power is based on: Her overly-guarded and cagey nature.

Notes: But her brass knuckles are pink so its quirky when she knocks your teeth out.

Name: Naos

Name Origin: A star whose name means "ship"

Pronouns: He/him

Age: 21

Guild rank: 3 star

Weapon: Modified crutches

Ethos (Power): Helm (He can change the direction of inanimate objects. It's not limited to projectiles, he can change the direction of objects while they're in someone's hand too.)

Flaw power is based on: His avoidant tenancies, especially where more serious responsibility is concerned.

Notes: Honestly? Joined the guild to boost his playboy status.

Name: Aitne

Name Origin: One of Jupiter's moons, named after the personification of Mount Etna, a stratovolcano

Pronouns: They/them

Age: 27

Guild rank: 4 star

Weapon: Spiked gauntlets and armor

Ethos (Power): Molten Core (Lava manipulation)

Flaw power is based on: Their brash and destructive nature.

Notes: Likes all their food to be charred.

Name: Ariel

Name Origin: A moon or Uranus, named after an air spirit!

Pronouns: She/her

Age: 16

Guild rank: 2 star

Weapon: Baton

Ethos (Power): Harmony (Perfect balance on anything)

Flaw power is based on: Her own difficulty maintaining emotional balance under stress

Notes: She's a gymnast! And even though I didn't make the character named "Ariel" a mermaid, you can still see a scale pattern in her leotard!

Name: Maru

Name Origin: A white dwarf whose name means "Sky." It's orbited by the planet Ahra.

Pronouns: She/her

Age: 18

Guild rank: 3 star

Weapon: Claymore sword

Ethos (Power): Sky walking (She is capable of interacting with air as if it were a tangible object, creating leverage for herself to walk and balance on as if it were solid)

Flaw power is based on: Her somewhat vain tendency to place herself above others

Notes: Complete and utterly confident she's the cooler twin

Name: Ahra

Name Origin: A exoplanet whose name means "Ocean." It orbits the star Maru.

Pronouns: She/her

Age: 18

Guild rank: 3 star

Weapon: Claymore sword

Ethos (Power): Wave riding (Creation and control of tidal waves to ride on, as if she was surfing them with no board. But she does have to be on them.)

Flaw power is based on: Her arrogance and recklessness

Notes: Completely and utterly convinced she's the cooler twin.

Name: Pipoltr/Pip

Name Origin: A star named for "a bright and beautiful butterfly."

Pronouns: Whatever really?

Age: 8

Guild rank: 1 star

Weapon: Giant lollipop

Ethos (Power): None yet!

Flaw power is based on: N/A. This doesn't mean they're flawless, but until their power develops they're really just here to go on fun little adventures.

Notes: This child hangs around with sailors all day long. The words they know....

#finn's ocs #finn's art #oc references #FINALLY POSTING THIS SET #there was a bit of a delay bc i wanted to make sure i got the crutches w naos right #i ended up not making just the crutches a weapon but like. with modifications based on a real self defense item i found #but slightly different for both fantasy reasons and also i think its patented lol #his pose is also based on a real self defense w crutches video that my friend sent me (hiiii thank you for that once more btw <3)#so like hes very much in motion here. thats not how he usually stands w the crutches lol he usually like. uses them as crutches lol #the little trigger on them is what releases and returns the blade in them btw #also as for the rest of the group! i think neptune is absolutely the most fitting of his namesake out of all the guildmasters #i mean they all have aspects of it but he's fully embraced it. despite what i said abt him growing into responsibility and all #hes still such a chill nice guy. just in general. it would take a lot to get him angry (and if you did the sea is NOT peaceful!)#and in a lot of ways triton is like how he was when he was younger. responsibilities dont matter he needs to go to the challengers deep NOW #also the reason i picked twin sai to be his weapon is bc i didnt wanna do a trident twice. even tho like thats kind of the typical motif #but sai are like. also a 3 pronged weapon. so i felt it kept the energy. but smaller and 2 of them #omg speaking of weapons i completely accidentally added a trans flag to ariel's baton design lol. but i left it in why not #i had such a hard time w her colors bc i wanted her to be flashy but also to make the leotard mermaid esque #also for it to not be too revealing. like leda (from the lunar flare set) can have an exposing leotard tutu sure but shes an adult #and i wanted to give ariel more of like an 80s home gym workouts vibe. with the legwarmers and scrunchies lol #and the twins!!! i wanted to make them samey but differeny. in a way i havent done w matching outfits before #bc the actual shapes of the clothes are very different but the colors totally match!#plus the twins are fraternal. i feel like thats obvious what w their different hair colors but there are more subtle things #like slightly different eyes. the height and weight differences arent part of that tho bc that can happen to any twins even identical #otrera i also had a lot of fun with. especially the blonde hair in an emo bang with like a pink sporty outfit #the crown logo references her namesake being a queen too!#she really was fun tho bc shes just no nonsense trusts nothing but her gut. and shes meant to be like an MMA type #aitne was also super fun but a bit tricky to make it clear that their eye is half lidded from the burns and not just like a drawing mistake #but i think i made it clear! its important bc their vision is also impaired on that side #and the burns themselves were most likely an accident on their end. remember they're brash and destructive. even to themself!

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bunnihearted · 3 days ago

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#idk i just feel sad today. extra sad #i want love and affection and connection and intimacy #thats just want i want in life #idc abt jobs or money or concerts or trips or whatever. i just want love.....#and im sad bc i think i have potential to be such a loving and good gf #(but only to someone who is equally good to me. it cant be unlocked by force or emotional abuse)#idc abt all the other parts of life that to me are lame (jobs .. money.. houses cars.. trips idc...#i just wanna spend my time being loved and making someone feel loved #and maybe bc i am a so called lover girl at heart #i feel the emptiness of it everyday and it hurts #so much....#and like im now 26 and i have never even been asked on a date 💀#tho i dont really wanna date.. i just wanna devote myself to someone worthy (thats unrealistic tho i kno u gotta date to find someone)#like that makes it all harder too. i've never had even a peck on the mouth. amd i gonna be 30 and be like umm yeah i like u but i've never #kissed.. and then they gotta help me learn? at that big age? fucking humiliating i just wanna cry #so whatever. even if i manage to get a job and live on my own i'll always be miserable #bc i want LOVE!! and i want that love #to be the most important and focus almost all my energy on them #unrealistic i know.... :( but thats all i want and i feel like im slowly dying without it

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electoons · 21 days ago

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my psychiatrist was trying to explain that a lot of my depression and anxiety probably stems from my trying to force myself into a (neurotypical/allistic) mold that i wasn't made for and that it's nothing to be ashamed of and she listed elon musk and bill gates as my fellow autists and that made me cry harder

#mia.txt #i wasnt like crying bc i was diagnosed with ASD it was more just crying cause i cry all the time now and it was a cathartic session #oh i forgot to mention it but god i cant even describe the weird feeling of being told im actually autistic (UNPROMPTED)#after like. wondering for so many years but being too scared to bring it up to any psychiatrist #so i was just like well maybe i am or maybe i just have adhd. thats ok im not too worried about it :)#and then i was just like talking about my sensory issues being exacerbated by my meds #and then she started asking me more questions abt my sensory issues and social problems and then she pointed out that i #had been rocking back and forth the entire time. which i genuinely dont even notice anymore like i was like oh shit i sure am doing that #and she basically went through the whole questionnaire and was like has no one really ever brought up the possibility that you were #on the spectrum. because you definitely are #and i was like 🤷🏻‍♀️ idk! im not sure #but it was probably pretty damning that the one other time i had gotten tested he literally gave up bc the questions were too vague #oh but anyway like no that doesnt help actually 😔#i really don't think its shame-based like i KNOW im Different(TM) thats not shocking to me #but i do expend an insane amount of mental and emotional energy trying to be Normal and pretend i am not autistic #the masking that is causing me so much stress is the very thing that prevented me from being diagnosed earlier lmfaooo

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phagodyke · 6 months ago

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I slept rly deeply last night even tho it took me a while to get to sleep but I think that was bc I had acid reflux and I'd been playing videogames too late not anything else.... still only got 6 hrs but doing pretty okay all things considered 😚

#and not feeling sick this morning so im sticking w the higher dose for one more day. my heart rate does feel a little uncomfortably fast #but its tolerable. just gonna make notes of how it goes through the day and ill submit my review form to my dr this evening #and hopefully she'll give me the green light to drop back down instead of continuing to titrate up #this is making me think of those heartrate fetishists... do u think i could make money selling tachycardic heart recordings online #i do wanna try to exercise this morning while i have energy. might take the bike out it looks like a gorgeously sunny day #maybe ill try to map my cycle route to work so i can consider cycling there instead of taking the bus in a couple weeks..#i cant atm thp cuz they have scaffolding up and its blocked off the bike racks sadly 😔#i think making myself eat + drink as much as i can has helped control the nausea too. just need a lot of fuel to process meds properly ig #and a lot of sleep.. its a bit stressful to think abt how rigid im going to have to be abt my daily routines if i want to stay medicated #but to be honest i have a pretty rock solid sleep/meal routine already bc its the only way i can function with the hours i work #so like. i dont rly need to worry too much. i think i reacted badly the first couple days bc my base anxiety was high #and then bc that feeling was heightened by meds -> made me not eat/sleep properly -> knock on sickness the next day #but yeah still the side effects arent very nice and i dont wanna take the risk of it exacerbating every difficult emotion i deal with #but fingers crossed bc 30 worked rly nice for me and i had barely any side effects so hopefully i can settle w that long term 🤞#we will see....#ANYWAY. sorry for making the same post over and over the last couple days. talking abt it on here has helped me feel a lot calmer #i dont wanna bother ppl irl w every thought and physical symptom i experience hourly. but this is my blog i can do what i want #hope everyone else has a nice sunday <3 #.diaries

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago

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...

#ok. this is the fucking bullshit thing abt grad school. u go to fucking grad school bc u r a fucking tryhard nerd freak #who is either naturally very smart or ur so fucking anxious u r incapable of allowing urself to get a bad grad #and then u go to fucking grad school and everyone's like: man fuck ur classes. if youre getting streight As then u aren't focusing on ur #research. and theyre right. but u still cant fucking let go of the idea that if u get a bad grad the world is gonna fucking end and u r a #bad person. u didnt try hard enough. all this to say i have a final project that i put way too much energy into and not even in a good way #i would just open the document. start sobbing. and then close it and spiral abt how i didn't want to work on it. so its bullshit #i mean. its a good project idea ans i probably sound like i kno wtf im talking abt bc i do. i worked on that topic for 4 years but like #i could make it wayyyyy better. its bullshit. i didnt even number the citations to give more page space. i made section headers. i didnt #wrap text. i could add like 4 more lines of text if i wanted but i think im not gotta bc fuck it. ugh. i dont even. i fucking avoide #stochastic stuff altogether which i kno im gonna have to fight abt but like fuck it who cares abt randomness. i just wanna focus on the #predictably aspect of community composition. fuck u. i shouldnt have picked this topic. i mean. i had to bc its like the one microbe thing #i could do but its also like the exact topic that makes me wanna rip my hair out and start screaming. like jesus christ who tf cares? ugh.#i think id give myself a B if it was an undergrad class. but the standard is higher in an all grad class. ugh. i hate this. i should just #send it abd be done. i dont even kno when its due tomorrow. before class i guess. idk i felt like garbage today. fucking vertigo bby. i feel #ok now tho. so maybe the allergic reacting is over???? fingers r still arthritisy tho. jesus. im falling apart #ive got a pretty good sounding excuse for being lazy tho: owo i had an allergic reaction to my antidepressants 🥳 but nah no excuses we run #this body into the ground. like the good old days.#unrelated

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tkbrokkoli · 5 months ago

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i think a thing im v passionate abt is music. or rather, listening to music. i listen to it when i work, when i drive, when i clean, when i walk. i spend several hours every day listening to music. once during a trip i didn't have the time to listen to music for several days and when i finally turned on some music it felt like the world was suddenly filled w more color and life. i once was so overwhelmed w awe and beauty listening to a song for the first time that it caused me to have a panic attack. in, like, a good way, like, wow, look at that song, it touched me so deeply that i lost control of my body for a moment. i sometimes get teary eyes or goosebumps when listening to music. i listen to the same song for hours on repeat. i don't know anything abt making music btw. i took guitar lessons for some time but im not talented or good at it and it took too much effort to continue. i love the sounds a guitar makes though. i also don't remember any music theory. i have a friend who's naturally talented at playing the guitar but they didn't enjoy it but even after years of not having picked up a guitar they can still play songs at birthday parties. i think it's funny that they are naturally good at it but they hate doing it and i love it but im not good at it at all.

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nuvomica · 7 months ago

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one bad habit I've picked up is calling everyone by they/them. genuinely picked up by watching tomato gaming, who, from what i've noticed, pretty much never uses she/her pronouns out loud. never seen anybody else mention it, but it's. It sure is. There

#i get pronouns confused a LOT please dont think its a personal thing. and its not something that happens irl #its just online. and i try fix it immediately! and i am sorry! please lmk if/when i do this so i can fix it #its not ever bc u give off a certain energy or bc i have certain gendery thoughts abt u. i just talk a lot and too fast and too much #this will be deleted so fast

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biblicalhorror · 2 years ago

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Reading a court of thorns and roses bc it's been rec'd to me many times (by the same two friends mostly) and also I've never really read a smut novel before and Jesus christ this protagonist is insufferable

#first of all its like the author tried to recreate katniss everdeen without any fundamental understanding of her character #like the reason the whole 'i hunt and provide for my family because no one else will' thing works for katniss is that her mother is ill #and her sister is like 8 years old #so like yeah obviously she'd be the one to provide #but feyre is like 'i have to do everything around here because my two OLDER sisters simply dont feel like doing chores'#like what????#i get that her dying mother for some reason put the responsibilities on her but it makes 0 sense #like whoever wrote this was clearly a youngest sibling with a martyr complex because its just. so heavy handed #also her insistence that nesta is simply too shallow and vapid to do what she does makes me roll my eyes every other page #honestly justice for nesta #1) if my sister started doing all of the hunting and providing without ever communicating why i would probably assume she wanted to do it #2) if after our mothers death she started completely resenting everything i do and glaring at me constantly id think she blames me for it #3) being around that kind of smug negative energy would absolutely make me start to be a little mean too even just as a defense mechanism #4) shes constantly assuming the worst in nesta and is proven at least twice to be an unreliable narrator in regards to nestas priorities #also that comment feyre made about how smug she felt after leaving knowing that her family would 'starve without her' god what an asshole #like you cant present yourself as so much morally better than your sisters and then turn around and say shit like that #anyway im hoping she becomes less insufferable as the story goes on #im told the first book is the worst in the series so i just gotta power through for the sake of world building #j reads acotar series #<<<feel free to blacklist if u dont want spoilers and/or critiques of this series bc i plan to vent on here a lot abt it

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girl-bateman · 1 year ago

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Crazy how many kids grow up afraid that someone else will find out abt their parents substance abuse issues when it is something that literally affects 1 in 8 families.

Crazy how many kids grow up feeling lonely and misunderstood while there are likely several other kids in their class going through the same thing.

Crazy how many kids grow up isolating themselves and lying to others for the protection and comfort of parents whose job it should be to protect them.

#obviously this is somewhat generalising bc everyone handles substance abuse differently #but for every single person ive spoken to whos been through the same thing i have growing up #the statements above have been painfully accurate #anyway it makes me so profoundly sad thinking abt how much energy i wasted constructing a world of lies to protect my dad #which like ? protecting him from what? the judgement of my friends? i think he can live with that #i was so embarrassed abt it when i was a kid- i thought the whole world would fall apart if ppl found out #but like why? that shit has nothing to do with me. he embarasses himself. im not to blame for his actions #i remember doing a school project in 8th grade and my friend made a joke like 'dont worry my parents arent alcoholics'#and this boy was like 'no. dont worry. my dad is an alcoholic so i dont judge you'#and im still not sure if he was joking too ? but it didnt feel like a joke #but i still wish i could have reached out and said something. or just acknowledge each other in some sort of shared pain #idk. i still think abt him #hope hes doing good. he was a sweet kid :) my mom rly liked his mom lol

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woolydemon · 2 years ago

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I am cursed with the burden of liking so many things but not having energy to make art for all the things I like 😭

#i want to make legos art i want to make art for niche video games i want to draw all the cartoons that inspire me #but i cant 😔#i have a hard time making art i think is post worthy quality on a consistent basis </3 #legit don't know how ppl can post so much girl i would Die #also im p occupied with school rn so i rlly shouldnt be spending time on non mandatory projects #and making art of stuff thats more niche or not what i have an audience for?? idk theres the risk of it flopping #while i know stuff like that doesnt diminish the value of my work it still stings man. esp when its hard for me to make stuff anyway #its like. why go through the effort if i know ppl wont care yknow #though i have gotten better at just not giving a shit anymore i still will make posts/rb abt stuff that everybody just ignores #but i dont care bc i need to have weird music and videos and images on my blog. I'll die without them. its my lifeblood #hopefully i can channel that energy more into posting abt leas popular things. maybe even original stuff-#lol sike there's basically nothing in the world that will make me confident in posting my ocs lmaooo #sorry i just dont think too highly on my abilities to develop my original content #so i just keep them all to myself to avoid the possibility of showing them to other ppl and they just straight up hate it ajdgfkfjhf #rando thoughtz

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bunnihearted · 1 year ago

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*o*

#ok sorry i've done my best to not obsessively talk abt this every single day for the past TWO months but.....#i just wanna eat normally again bro #i wanna eat healthy stuff bc i can always FEEL how much my body appreciated it and it gives me energy #i also wanna eat more unhealthy things just bc they're yummy and thats ok sometimes too #and i want chocolate bro.. im dying from chocolate deficiency #but anyway it is 1) extremely boeing to eat the same things every single day for 8 weeks #but 2) i can feel that i dont get enough nutrition. im super tired and dizzy and short of breath. also i am sooooo fkn cold #3) it is mentally exhausting to get home and be like damn im so tired i just wanna eat cereal but nope i have to make my bland food #i am just sick and tired of this. esp bc it takes SO long to get medical attention. so for rn i am not even certain it is gallstones #and what do i get as a treatment if it is??? like should i just live like this forever now?? will i have to wait months for a surgery?#what if it isnt gallstones??? what if they cant find out whats wrong? so it is not only the waiting it is the uncertainty #but most of all. im so hungry all the time and i dont wanna think abt what im eating anymore. i just wanna eat normally broooo fml

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akireu-13 · 5 days ago

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finally did the math and i have/will be working 65 hours in one week lol, average of 9hrs per day, which is more time than i spend sleeping

not counting the time i spend travelling, which would make it ~73, which means an average of 10hrs every day

could pick up a shift tomorrow and make it 71 (80 with travel)

#this is so awesome i feel like im dying #i keep sleeping like. maybe 4-6hrs a night and now when i take my testosterone in the morning it feels like rebellious self care #bc i literally do not have time to between waking up and leaving without making myself late bc i sleep in way too late every day #so i keep being late bc im so fucking tired and then my manager gets mad at me for being late when i worked until midnight and its 8am now #i literally feel like my body is breaking down. my calf muscles have this stabbing pain behind my knee and my joints are so painful #i cant breathe properly bc im so tense and anxious and tired and ive had to rewear underwear 3x bc i havent had time/energy for laundry #i finally showered on friday after 2-3 weeks it was awesome and i keep crying on the bus and in the office #i feel like im going to collapse im in so much pain and i keep gettin really close to killing myself but i dont have time to be hospitalised #anyway. srry abt venting so much here #also i literally dont know if my bf is ok bc theres flooding in his area and i think hes asleep so he hasnt text back for hours #delete later #none of it would be so bad if going home was at least restful but theres literally no respite from it bc my room is a wreck #im so anhedonic that literally nothing feels good anymore so i cant even cheer myself up unless im drunk bc i dont have a weed dealer rn #might try to get some co-codamol for the pain tomorrow after my blood test but idk we'll see

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