#bc he goes to school four hours from mine

[analogwriting]

Not the American Average

Sabo x gn!reader

word count: 4k

a/n: disclaimer; i tried my hardest to keep it vague enough to keep it gender neutral. lemme know if i fucked up lmao.

also i was listening to an old middle school playlist when ntaa by asking alexandria played (an old fave of mine, still goes hard btw). and i instantly thought of sabo mostly bc he's british n so is danny (lead singer) and the whole song is just about him fuckin' an american girl (for the first time, i'm pretty sure). ANYWAY i could go on about the lore but this is my first time posting my smut so don't judge me too hard. i also wrote this, in, like, two hours n im v sleep deprived. okie imma stop ramblin' now (idk if you can see it but the bolded is the lyrics of the song)

On a night after heavy drinking, Sabo finds himself stumbling to a hotel with someone he’d been eyeing at the bar all week. He was currently in this town on a mission. With how much he’d had to drink, he couldn’t even recall the mission right now - not that it mattered, it was over with anyway. He was just enjoying the last few nights he had here before he had to move on to the next one.

“One, two, three…four! Here we are,” he said, fumbling with his keys. A giggle escapes from your lips as you hang on his arm. You watched him struggle for a moment before taking them from him and successfully opening the door. He stared at you for a moment, once again, your words ringing in his head. When he had finally built up the courage to seek you out, you had surprised him with all the obscenities you had whispered in his ear. Even church grandmothers’ would’ve fainted at your words - however it had only made his own heart race.

In your drunken conversation, you had told him he could do whatever he wanted. That you could see the feral side of him that he kept deep down within him. That you wanted him to bring it out and use it against you. And he had taken you up on it. It all seemed too good to be true. 

Sure, he’s had people say things like that before, but none of them ever stuck through with their words and there was always a hint of hesitation. However, the way you said it? There was a certain tone of your voice that he couldn’t say no to.

He felt like it was a dream. “All the things that you said, was it all in my head?” he mumbled to himself. “Huh?” You turned to look at him and he just smiled, sliding his arms around your waist as he kissed you hard.

He could hear a gasp fall from your lips accompanied by a loud moan. You were just as excited as he was.“Come on, baby…” He kissed at your neck, causing you to moan a little louder. He felt as your hands gripped his sleeves. “Keep it down.” He brought a gloved hand up and traced your jawline before going over your bottom lip.. “Honey, hush your lips.” You pushed forward, kissing him hard and pushing him into the threshold of the dingy hotel room he had been staying in these last few days.

A low chuckle escaped from him as you immediately began to tear off his clothing. He closed the door behind him, doing the same to you. Clothes training from the backdoor, to the bedroom. You two were on a mission and nothing was stopping you, not even undressing. Your lips barely left one another, constant contact was established. An addiction already seemed to be starting to form - which could be dangerous.

Sabo realizes something, chuckling softly. “I’ve been watching you the last few nights and I don’t even know your name,” he purred against your neck as he started to attack it once more. He kissed and bit at your flesh, feeling himself growing harder every time you let out a whine.

Oh, how he loved the way you reacted to his touches. You seemed to melt against him, your body molding perfectly with his. The only regret he had now was not doing this with you sooner.

He watched you as a coy look spread across your face. “Mm, we can do introductions later. Easier for you to degrade me if you don’t know.” You winked at him, and he felt his heart racing. How the hell were you so fucking perfect? You were like an answer to his dreams. Excitement filled his chest and he kissed you hard, gripping your hips roughly. When you gasped, he used this opportunity to let his tongue explore the insides of your mouth.

After a moment, he pulled away, leaving both of you panting. “Give me all you got - make this night worth my time.” 

You laugh, and by golly, it’s the most beautiful sound he’s ever heard. It’s what drew his attention to you in the first place. He had been in mid conversation with someone when he heard it the first time. His head snapped over so quickly that his colleague was concerned he’d break it. “How about you make this worth my time,” you teased, tugging on his hair to kiss him once more and he groaned against you. Fuck, you and that tongue of yours.

You drove him wild, making him all kinds of excited. He’s never felt so alive. Never had a hookup who met his own energy. He might just have to take you with him if everything went well enough. His cause always needed more people and you seemed competent enough. Or maybe he’d just keep you around as his little whore.

He already knew that he was going to love every moment of this. “What I would give to live this night again,” he mumbled against you once more, his hands trailing down your arms before grabbing your wrists and pinning them above your head as he pushed you against the wall. You gasped, looking at him with a mix of surprise and excitement. “We haven’t even gotten to the good parts yet,” you purred, licking your lips as you took him in. The hungry look in your eyes was going to drive him over the edge.

“I knew when I first saw you…” He trailed off, kissing at your jaw and nearing your ear, nipping it lightly. “You’d fuck like a whore.” He felt you shiver against him. You were loving this just as much as he was. “Mmm, only for those who I think have promise.” Oh, such sharp wit.

He watched you for a moment, grinning. Fuck, you were breathtaking. He didn’t know if he just wanted to sit and look at you or absolutely devour you. There was just something about you that made it hard for him to think straight. He dove back in, releasing your hands. They immediately found their way around his neck. He felt you tug his hair and he let out a growl.

He buried his face in your neck, covering you with hickies. Your little mewls and moans made him so painfully hard. His teeth grazed your skin before he bit down, rather hard, on your shoulder. You cried out, not from pain, but from absolute pleasure. He felt you move your hand, getting ready to cover your mouth when he stopped you. He pinned your wrist above your head, clicking his tongue.

“Oh, absolutely not. I hope they hear you scream for more.” 

He watched in amusement as you squirmed beneath him, your face turning red. But he could also see the excitement in your eyes and, for a moment, he could’ve swore he could hear your heart racing. He kissed you again, moving to your jaw, your neck, your chest. He trailed his kisses down, down.

As he moved lower, he was eventually on his own knees, looking up at you. The lust filled look in your eyes easily kept him going. He was going to make sure you screamed with pleasure. He loved hearing the sounds you made. In one quick movement, he had one of your legs over his shoulder, kissing your inner thigh. He felt you shiver underneath his touch.

He grinned, feeling his own excitement growing. As much as he wanted to pin you to the bed and absolutely ravage you, he was having fun toying with you like this. “Your thighs were made for cheeks to graze.” He bit your inner thigh, causing you to squeak out another moan in surprise. He trailed his lips along your inner thigh, moving closer and closer to your own arousal. The smell was intoxicating. You were like a beast in heat.

So was he.

The featherlight touches were making you squirm and mewl, something he was quite enjoying. You were riled up. “Please,” you begged. He felt his own heart race and he grinned. “We can’t rush these things.” He was honestly just enjoying the show. He stopped short of finally giving you what you wanted, causing you to whine.

He licked his lips, looking at you. He studied your face, admiring your lust blown pupils. “My lips will be your poison.”

He pulled away, removing your leg off of his shoulder which earned a confused look from you. He stood back up, kissing you again before he flipped you around. He pressed into your body, feeling you up and down. You gasped as the cool wall touched your bare skin. He felt as you shivered against him. “Oh, my apologies, didn’t mean to make you so cold.” 

Suddenly, he bent you over, admiring your ass. He licked his lips, groping at you roughly, causing you to moan loudly and press into his touches. Your desperation was evident and he wanted to drive you absolutely insane. He was going to fine dine on this bodacious ass of yours.

He didn’t give you time to process exactly what was happening before he spread your cheeks and dove right in.

It wasn’t long before he felt you shaking, using all your strength and concentration to keep standing but you were sinking lower and lower. He watched as your nails dug into the wall and you threw your head back as you cried out with your climax. At least your first one - he planned on pulling out as many as he could tonight. He pulled away, watching in pride as you slowly slumped to your knees. “They bring you to your knees, huh?” You looked at him over your shoulder, panting heavily. The look in your eye made him grin. You were far from done and that’s exactly what he was going to hope for.

He stands up, looking down at you. You moved to stand and he held out a hand to stop you. His own throbbing cock was in your face now. “Get down. It’s almost over. The first act, at least.” He was so painfully hard and in desperate need of release. “Ah, come on now…” 

You looked up at him through your lashes and he let out a small growl, taking a fistful of your hair and tugging it roughly. Your eyes rolled back and you moaned loudly, gripping onto his thigh to steady yourself. “Take it all the way,” he crooned.

You didn’t need to be told twice. You took him into your hand, pressing a kiss to the head of his cock before pressing a few down his shaft. Watching you practically worship his cock…it almost sent him over the edge and you hadn’t even done anything yet. 

A smile spreads across your face and you look at him with a lust fueled gaze. He felt his own body heat up and his brain short circuits for a moment. He didn’t have time to recover as you gobbled down his cock with ease. His eyes widened and his head fell back as he moaned loudly. Fuck, you felt so perfect. Your mouth was warm - throat tight. He might get addicted to you, honestly.

Then you started to absolutely go to town on his cock like some professional. As if your only job in life was to suck his cock. His head was spinning and he could already feel himself ready to finish. Were you trying to embarrass him by finishing him off quickly?

Before he could stop you to try and regain his composure, he came hard down your throat. His own voice filled the small room as he moaned along with his release. He looked down, watching you down every drop like it was the first meal you’d had in days. He was panting, his head falling back as he closed his eyes - just enjoying the feel of post climax. His whole entire body was buzzing, but he wasn’t done yet either.

Oh no. He was far from it.

Yanking you by your hair, he pulls you off of him with an audible ‘pop’. The noise resonated with his ears. He liked that noise. You hummed, looking up at him with a half lidded look that only furthered his hunger for you. He pulls you up on your feet, crashing his lips with yours. The both of you making animalistic groans against each other. He could feel your heart racing right along with his. His arms moved around your waist and he squeezed, causing you to squirm against him. “Sir,” you whined and he felt something within him snap.

“You stupid fucking whore, don’t you know how crazy you drive me?” he purred against your lips and you only answered with a breathless giggle. Even with his obscene words, you seemed to relish in them. Fuck, you were perfect.

He sat on the bed, looking up at you as you still stood. You leaned down to kiss him again, softer this time. In a way that caused his heart to race in a different kind of way. Butterflies gathering in his stomach. Oh, this was dangerous.

“And after all of all my dreaming being only you…” He leaned back as a lazy smile spread across his face, admiring your body. His eyes scanned every inch of you, burning you into his mind - you gave him a couple of poses. “You’re standing there…”

He licked his teeth, looking up at you. The gaze you were giving him caused his heart to jump into his throat. It was full of excitement and lust. He could tell you were barely holding back. He could only imagine what you were thinking right now. Oh, what he would give to be able to peek into that slutty mind of yours.

“Baby, oh the things that I could do.”

“Then do them.” His eyes widened as you moved to crawl into his lap and straddle him. Your arms found their way around his neck and you kissed him again, hungrier than the last. His hands rested on your hips, growling as you grinded into his lap. You were just trying to drive him mad, weren’t you?

“You seem to be trapped in your own head. Just act. Don’t think about it. I said anything, remember?” 

He stared at you in disbelief. How were you already able to call him out so easily? It's like you saw right through him. Most people didn’t pay any mind to him. Didn’t notice just how in his own head he was. He was constantly thinking, hardly able to just…stop doing that.

A laugh escaped him and he shook his head. “Oh, I’m just relishing in the thought of absolutely ravaging you.”

“How about you make that thought a reality?” You kissed him again, causing his whole body to melt into you as you grinded into him again. He let out another growl, pinning you to the bed as he started to kiss and bite at your neck again. You squirm underneath him, letting out moans and pressing against him.

His hand travelled down your side and your own breathing hitched with anticipation. 

Suddenly, he pulled away, moving to sit against the wall as he grabbed a drink off the nightstand. Probably from pregaming earlier. He leaned back with a lazy smile on his face. “Back to the wall with a drink in my hand?” He downed what was in the cup, tossing it to the side as he grinned widely. “Let the show begin.”

You looked at him, surely not knowing exactly what he meant by that. That was okay - you would soon enough.

“Stand.” You obeyed like an obedient animal, standing immediately.  “Turn.” You did. “Back it up, baby, ride.” He leaned forward to wrap his arms around your waist and pull you over his lap. “Ride.” You leaned your head back, working your way onto his cock. “Riiiide,” he groaned slowly as you took him fully. It took some work, but you were able to take all of him in one go.

You’re so tight and so perfect. He almost couldn’t take it. He pulled you back to him, his mouth next to your ear. He’d never felt so good inside of someone. Hell, most of the time, people couldn’t take all of him. Or they’d end up just finishing from the penetration alone and be done. “You know, one step too late…” He chuckled softly, his thoughts trailing off as a new one formed. He was panting and not exactly speaking coherently. He was so excited and so extremely turned on that he couldn’t think straight. “And I never told you…that I can’t take another disappointment…” You started moving your hips, immediately driving him insane. He grabbed a fistful of your hair, pulling it roughly.

You cried out, head falling back on his shoulder. “Are you saying you’re disappointed, sir,” you panted, relentless in your movements as you looked at him out of the corner of your eye. A small chuckle escaped with a shake of his head. “Far from it, but hopefully you can keep up with me.” Usually, people tapped out after the first round. Or even after barely beginning. It was all so…disappointing. He bit onto your shoulder, squeezing your hip. A moan escaped from you. “This is only the first round, after all.”

You looked at him, not ceasing your movements. A grin spread across your face as you looked back at him. “Let’s see if you can keep up with me.” That was the second time you used his own words against him almost immediately.

He blinked, but wasn’t able to be shocked for too long before he groaned. You worked his cock like a pro but with your mouth and riding him. Were you actually like a whore like he had teased?

“Let’s see if you can keep that attitude.”

“I think I remember saying I’m at your disposal.”

Fuck, you really knew what to say, didn’t you? You knew just what to say to drive him absolutely wild. “That you did,” he mumbled, placing a hand at the back of your neck as you leaned forward to really start working him.

He moved quickly. Next thing you knew, you were being pushed into the bed with him absolutely drilling into you. An animalistic growl ripped from his throat as he finally wasn’t able to hold back anymore. He felt like an animal in heat and you were the only cure to that. It was a complete turn of personality from just moments ago. He had felt something finally snap and that was it.

He pistoned his hips in and out of you, slapping your ass and groping your thighs. 

As you continued to moan and mewl under him, he realized you kept calling him ‘sir.’. Then it dawned on him that you didn’t know his name. Both of you were panting and groaning loudly, helplessly gripping at each other. He moved his hand to the back of your head as he grabbed a fistful of your hair and pulled you up flush with his body. “Breathing and grasping…” He chuckled breathlessly against you. You cried out in absolute bliss, your eyes rolling back with pleasure.

“All leads to another messy ending…just how I like.” He kissed you. That’s exactly what he wanted. Another messy ending. An ending he wanted. Sometimes, he never even finished, but you had already milked one out of him tonight and he knew you were about to milk another.

He pushed you back down into the bed, feeling his own movements growing more sporadic as the coil in his stomach tightened. Then he felt you clench around him as you came with a cry. It sent him over the edge once more. With one last, very hard, thrust, he came hard inside of you - filling you up and then some. You let out a long whine as he did so, music to his ears.

Oh yeah. He was absolutely keeping you around.

“Mmm…” His mind was spinning and he felt himself already ready for another round. “Think you can still go?” His adrenaline was running wild and the beast not quite sated.

He slowly pulled out of you, watching as his own seed leaked from you. He sat on the bed, panting heavily, letting you catch your breath and choose whether or not you could go on. He watched you for a long moment. Your post climax face, your heavy panting. He just hoped that you’d be able to go again, but this was honestly the longest anyone has ever lasted.

“If you’re too exhausted-” He was cut off as he felt your hands on his chest. His eyes widened as he looked at you, gasping as you pushed him down and straddled him. You had a feral look in your eye that made his heart race. “Who said I was too exhausted?” You licked your lips, leaning down to look at him with a half lidded, lust filled expression. “I believe we had said we would go all night, no?” The purr to your voice…fuck. He might just fall in love with you at this rate.

He pulled you into another sloppy kiss. “How shall I take you next?” he asked, panting heavily. 

“With your back against the wall? With your face buried in the pillow?” He grinned at you, wondering just how many different ways he’d be able to take you tonight.

A hum came from you, one that seemed to be thinking. “We can just see where things take us, yeah? I’m sure we’ll end up doing both anyway.” You grinned at him and by golly, he was absolutely sold. Your smile, your moans, the way you spoke to him, everything about you…it’s like you were made for him.

He silently thanked whatever the hell it was out there that looked over the world for granting him you. He suddenly felt your hand around his cock as you started to stroke it and he groaned, his own eyes rolling back. “I could die by your cock and I’d be happy,” you purred, looking up at him through your eyelashes.

“Die by my cock, huh?” He trailed his hands up your sides, one of them around your neck as he squeezed lightly. Will I see you cold? Will I feel you heartless?” You just smiled coyly at him, stroking him faster and causing him to lose his focus. He was having a hard time holding his calm demeanor together. 

It wasn’t long before he had you in his arms, pinned up against the wall as he railed up into you. You were desperately clawing and scratching at his back. He was pretty sure you might have broken his skin, but he gladly welcomed the light sting. Something to remember the night by.

Once more the room was filled with the sound of skin slapping skin and both of your moans. He didn’t feel sorry for any of the neighbors, he wanted people to hear just how good of a fuck you were. It gave him a thrill. He didn’t plan on letting you go now that he’s had you.

He slammed into you. “You stupid.” Again. “Fuckin’.” Again. “Bitch.” With each thrust, you cried out, your eyes rolling into the back of your head. He paused for a moment as you cried out, knowing he could get a little carried away, but you looked at him as if you were absolutely wasted. He supposed you were probably cock drunk.

“Fuckin’ bitch, did I say you could stop?” you slurred at him. His eyes widened and he felt his heart race once more as he started back up again. Hearing you call him such names really riled him up.

He knew after tonight he was taking you away with him.

[influentcomic4]

The Walking Dead: North Wind

This is an original story that I've been working on that's set within TWD. What I'm posting here is arcs 1 to 4, and I'm currently working on arc 5. The whole thing is MAYBE about halfway done. @r0ry-the-great I hope you enjoy it, it's fairly long so if it take's you a while that's completely fine. I'd love to hear the notes that anyone has, or any errors you notice. I'll likely have to post it in chunks, so check my profile for other parts!

The Walking Dead:

North Wind

Arc 1:

Home Sweet Home

Before the Storm

There are some days that I wish the world would just end. Or that something would happen so that I don’t have to live the same day over and over. My husband leaves for work at 7:30 every morning, and gets home at 6. And here I am, making god damn Mac and Cheese for the five thousandth time. But hey, that’s what you get when someone knocks you up when you’re still in high school. I love my kids, but some days I just wish something different would happen. Sara asks me to help her do her hair every morning, and Jacob plays his Mario or whatever the fuck. 

“SOUP’S ON!” I shout as I slide my long, curly black hair out of my face. I place two bowls on the table as the pitter patter of feet on the carpet draws closer. They both sit down and start eating.

“You make the best Mac and Cheese mom!” Jake says as he looks up at me with his freckled face.

“Trust me boy, I know, I’ve been living off the stuff longer than you’ve been alive.” I run my fingers through his short black hair. He gets his hair colour from me, Sara gets hers from her dad, she got my curls though her hair is shorter than mine too. He laughs, but I know it went over his head. I put the pot in the sink and start washing it.

“Mom, can we please come to the hospital with you this time?” Sara asks, “I want to see grandpa one last time before-”

“I told you before Sara, he’s not going to die.” I probably lie, “Besides, do you guys really want to sit in a boring hospital for several hours, or do you want to go out with your Uncle?”

“UNCLE MARK!” Jake shouts.

“Seems to me like he’s decided.”

“Ugh, fine.” Sara crosses her arm then pulls out her phone. He’s not in great shape after his heart attack, and that’s not how I want them to remember him. I close my eyes and breath heavily as I get back to washing the pot. After Jacob practically inhales his bowl, he goes over to the TV and turns it on, the news is on.

“A new video has surfaced online showing what appears to be a man attacking and… eating… another person in the streets of Los Angeles.” I grab the remote from him, “We are unsure about the validity of this video but we wi-” I change the channel.

“Let’s not watch that.” God, people will believe anything they see online these days. I highly doubt that people are just going around eating people on the street. The only way it could possibly be real is if it’s some drug that’s making them do that, but again, I highly doubt it. Some time goes by, I do some small chores, just some things to pass the time while we wait for Mark to get here. I hear the doorbell ringing, and Jake runs to the door.

“Hey buddy!” I hear Mark say as he walks in the door. I walk over to the door to greet him.

“Hi Elsie.” He says, putting Jake down on the ground.

“Hey, Mark.” I hug him, “Thanks for agreeing to do this for me.”

“Of course, you know I love spending time with them.” I grab my purse as Mark helps Jake put on his shoes, and the four of us shuffle into Mark’s car. As we drive through the city, I just stare out the window, watching everything go by. I was born here in Edmonton, lived here all my life. As much as I hated it growing up, I never left. Even when I had the chance to, I could’ve gone to the University of Calgary, University of Alberta, even BC, but I just had to stay here. I don’t know if I’ll ever leave, especially now. I wouldn’t want to just uproot my family’s lives, plus Simon would bitch about it since he has a good paying office job. But, home’s home, and my parents are here, so I wouldn’t want to leave them either. Fuck, I want to go somewhere else, explore the world, something, ANYTHING!

“SHIT!” Mark shouts, jerking the car to the side.

“The hell…?” I look over at him, Mark looks in the rear view mirror.

“Fucking crack heads I swear to god.” I look behind us, and see a dirty man stumbling across the road. That’s Edmonton for you I suppose, home sweet home.

Fall

Mark’s car pulls up in the front of the Royal Alexandra Hospital. I sigh heavily looking at the entrance.

“You ok?” Mark puts a hand on my shoulder. I have no idea how we came from the same parents, he was always able to build muscle way easier than me. I don’t know where my high metabolism came from, but Mark could probably break me in half with two fingers.

“Yeah…” I wipe a tear from my eye, then turn to him and smile, “Thank you.” I open the door and step out.

“I’ll be here in a couple hours, call me if you want me to come sooner.”

“Thank you, I will.” I stick my head in the car and look in the back, “Love you two, see you soon.”

“Bye mom!” Jake shouts.

“Bye.” Sara says, less excitedly. I close the door, waving as I turn around towards the doors. They slide open automatically as I step up to them. The lobby is large, full of people, some having worse days than I am, but some having better. I walk down the hall, towards an elevator. I step nervously outside of it as I wait for one to come down, tapping my foot as I lean against the wall. The elevator dings as the doors slide open, I step inside, hitting the button for the third floor. A sort of calm washes over me as I stand in the quiet empty elevator. Almost like it’s my own little pocket dimension, where the troubles of the world can’t bother me anymore. But that all goes away the second the doors slide open, and I’m forced to step outside, into the hallway. I walk into my dad’s room, the unfortunately all too familiar sound of the heart monitor rings out. Mom sees me and stands up to hug me.

“Hello, dear.” She kisses me on the cheek, her wrinkled skin feels weird on my face.

“Hi mom, how’s dad been?” I look over at him.

“He’s still asleep, but… but he’s been good.” I sit down in a chair beside the bed, I look at him, tears in my eyes, “I’ll give you some time with him.” Mom walks towards the door, closing it behind her. After she leaves, I close my eyes. There’s no better way to describe how he looks than like shit, there’s no way to sugar coat it. He’s still bald, so no change there, but he’s a lot thinner, practically skin and bone at this point.

“Hey dad, I… I miss you, the kids miss you. They wanted to come see you today, but… I don’t want them to remember you like this. I want them to remember how you were, smiling, and joking.” I chuckle, then go back to crying, “Fuck… I just… I don’t know.” I sit there in silence, just, taking everything in.

A few hours pass, mom and I sit in the room, talking with each other. Nothing really happens. I zone out for a while, get lost in another world for a while, but I’m interrupted by the door to the room opening, and… Mark walks in, the kids behind him.

“Mark?” I stand up, confused why they’re here.

“I’m sorry, they just wouldn’t stop asking.” I just sigh. I didn’t want the kids to see him like this.

“It’s fine, just… it’s fine.” I guess it isn’t the worst thing for them to see him one last time.

“We brought Tim’s though!” Mark waves out a box of timbits, I can’t help but chuckle as he places it down on the bedside table. We all sit in the room, the heart monitor continuing to ring out. Jake tries to convince his grandma to take her on a walk around the halls. She eventually obliges just to get him to shut up. He cheers as they walk out the door.

“Why don’t you go with them, Sara?” I nudge her, she glares at me, and groans.

“Fine.” She stands up, and walks out the door to follow. I sit back in my chair and close my eyes.

“You ok?” Mark asks.

“Yeah, just… tired of everything.”

“I understand what you’re saying.” He laughs, “But we’re still here, so we gotta fight.”

“Yeah… I guess…” I sit up in my chair, “How goes your love life?”

“What the fuck?” He laughs loudly.

“I don’t know.” I throw my arms out, “It’s the first question I thought of.”

“Well, I was talking with someone, but he kind of was an asshole.”

“Want me to kick his ass for you?” I turn to face him.

“I’d love that.” He smiles warmly, “I’ll join you.”

More time passes, the heart monitor starts driving me mad as I sit there. I keep my cool though, and I don’t let it make me actually crazy. Suddenly, the beeping gets slightly faster.

“Is that bad…?” I think out loud.

“I… I don’t know…” Mark stands up. The beeping gets even faster, and an alarm starts ringing out. Mark runs up to dad.

“What do we do!?” I look around the room. Then, right as doctors enter, the monitor flatlines.

“Dad…?” Mark whispers. Mom and the kids return as the doctors start chest compressions.

“Oscar!?” Mom shouts out. I grab her and hug her closely.

“They’re going to help him, let them help him.” Mark puts the kids behind him and motions them outside, mom follows. The doctors try to revive him with defibrillators, but nothing brings him back. They back away, as they turn off the monitor.

“I’m sorry…” A doctor places a hand on our shoulders, “We’ll give you time with him.” Tears flow down my face as I approach him. Out in the hall I hear the muffled cries of mom. Mom and the kids walk in the room, Mark sits down beside the bed, and puts his hand on dad’s arm. We all just kind of sit there in silence, none of us know what to do, what to think, even Jake is silent, which he never does. The silence is eventually broken, not by someone talking, but soft groans, from… dad?

“Dad…?” I whisper. Suddenly, dad lunges forward, biting Mark on the wrist. He cries out in pain as blood pours onto the bed.

“FUCK! DAD, STOP!” He shouts, trying to push dad off of him. I jump up to try and help, trying to move dad’s head back. He refuses to let go though. Mark eventually resorts to punching dad in the head. More doctors rush in after hearing the commotion. They all wrestle him down as we leave the room.

“Are you ok Mark!?” I shout, the kids crying, I do my best to console them.

“F-fuck…” He covers the wound with his hand, blood dripping onto the floor, “I-I-I.. I don’t know.” A doctor comes out of the room, a bandage in her hand.

“Let me help.” She grabs Mark’s arm, and starts wrapping it up.

“Thank you.” Mark says through grit teeth.

“What’s happening?” Mom asks.

“I don’t know…” The doctor pauses, “But I’d go home if I were you, and stay there.” I look down at Jake, who’s wrapping his arms around me. Mark puts his hand over the bandage on his arm.

“Ok… ok…” I can feel my heart almost pounding through my chest. The five of us quickly shuffle through the halls, people running around. We round a corner, and see someone biting someone else in the neck. He screams as blood sprays, and he slides to the ground. Jake screams, I pick him up, Mark manages to pick up Sara.

“Don’t look.” I can hear Jake crying as we jog towards the stairwell.

All of us cram into Mark’s car. It’s big enough where we all fit, just the backseat is a little cramp. I get in the driver's seat so Mark can rest his arm. I turn the key, and the engine roars to life. I throw the car in reverse and quickly back out of the parking spot. I grip the steering wheel tightly as I drive. We pass several wrecks, people running through the streets, people looting, people bleeding out in the street.

“Mom?” Jake whimpers.

“Yes hun?” I say, my eyes not moving from the road.

“Why did grandpa become a monster?” My stomach thinks.

“I-I don’t know Jake.” I put my hand on my forehead, “I just don’t know…” Police cars drive through the streets, setting up barricades and checkpoints. The sound of gunshots rings through the city. As I drive, Mark turns on the radio, someone is speaking, their voice frantic.

“-a drill, repeat, this is not a drill. Stephan Harper has sent out an alert to all Canadians. There is a national emergency, we don’t have all the information right now, but… it’s bad. People are coming back from the dead, and they… fuck… they attack anyone they see. We’ve heard that the West Edmonton Mall is being set up as a safezone, if you’re able to, go there. If you are unable to safely make it there, STAY! HOME! Do not go out unless absolutely necessary. Do not let anyone in, even if they look like someone you know. I don’t know what causes it, I don’t know if it’s certain people, or everyone or… or… I’ll do my best to give you any information I can as it becomes available. Goodluck everyone, and may God save us all.” I put my hand over my mouth as I process what was said.

Home Sweet Home

The bell echoes through the halls, and all of us pack up our bags and leave the class. Me and my friends Sasha and Emma exit the class, ready to go home. We open our lockers and toss out shit inside then slam them shut.

“You going to David’s party this weekend?” Sasha asks, her dark curly brown hair bounces, almost like it's weightless.

“I don’t know… my mom will be pissed.” I look over at her and move my hair out of my face.

“Come oooon.” Emma groans, “We need to get you laid!” I laugh awkwardly. They’ve been trying to get me a boyfriend since middle school, to little effect. Emma adjusts her bra strap and grabs my arm.

“You guess really need to stop-”

“Not gonna happen!” Emma laughs, “We’re going to West Ed, you need a new wardrobe.”

“Yeah, no offense, but if you want to get fucked, you need to dress a little sluttier than that.” I look down and my button down and jeans, with doc martens. It’s a style I’ve been rocking since grade 10.

“What’s wrong with my wardrobe?” I ask as Emma drags me along.

“You look like a lesbian.” Sasha laughs, “So all the guys think you’re a lesbian.” As we exit school and head towards the car, some guys catcall Sasha and Emma, but not me. I guess they’re right, maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

I drive the car into the driveway, and throw it into park. I pause for a moment, collecting my thoughts before taking the keys out of the ignition. I step out of the car and open the rear door, helping Jake unbuckle, and pick him up out of the car. Mom helps Sara out and we all run inside. The front door swings open, and we all rush inside. I put Jake on the ground and slam the door shut, locking it behind us. Simon walks out from around the corner.

“The hell is going on!?” He asks, we all just look at him, “Why are they here?” He points to mom and Mark.

“Oh fuck you Simon.” Mark steps forward, mom stops him.

“There’s… something going on…” I start tearing up, “Dad died, and… and… he… came back, and he attacked Mark.”

“I’ve seen it on the news, I don’t… fuck… just…” Simon puts his hands on his head. Mark rubs the bandage in his arm, wincing in pain.

“I don’t know how long until this gets under control but the radio said to stay inside unless absolutely necessary.” I walk into the living room, and stare out the window. I see those monsters roam the street. They walk aimlessly, I close the blinds.

“What are we going to do?” Mark stumbles into the room.

“I don’t know… maybe we can ride it out.” I sit down on the couch, and cover my face. Jake shyly walks over and sits down beside me, putting his head on my shoulder.

“I’m scared mom.” He whispers.

“I know honey.” I run my fingers through his hair, “I am too, but we’re going to be ok.” I look over at Mark, he’s starting to sweat a lot. He notices me staring.

“I-I’m fine, just hurts a lot.” He forces a smile. I stand out and extend an arm out to him.

“You should rest, you can use the spare bedroom downstairs.”

“Ok… thank you.” He grabs my hand and I help him stand up. We walk towards the stairs, and I put his arm over my shoulder, and help him walk down the stairs. I open the door to the spare bedroom, and lay him down on the bed. He groans as he adjusts his position on the bed.

“If you need anything, let me know, ok?” I put the blanket over him.

“I will… thank you, Elsie.” He breathes heavily as I close the door, and walk back up the stairs.

I sit back down on the couch, and turn the tv on, and flip through channels. There’s nothing good, no good news, no hope.

“-protect yours-”

“-reanimatin-”

“-ay indoor-”

“-estroy the brain.” This channel catches my attention, “That’s the only way to take them down, nothing else seems to phase the resurrected. Unconfirmed reports state that bites… are lethal… if anyone you know is bit you mus-” My stomach drops.

“No…” I cover my mouth with my hand.

“Is Uncle Mark going to…?” Jake looks up at me.

“I…” I stand up, “God…” Tears form in my eyes. I look over at mom, she’s thinking exactly what I am. She starts crying. I walk out of the living room, and open the door to the backyard. I stand out on the porch, listening to the sounds. Cars, groans, gunshots. I breathe in the air, closing my eyes.

“You ok babe?” Simon puts his hands on my hips.

“Fuck…” I sigh and put my forehead on the rails, “On the tv… someone said that bites are apparently deadly…” I start crying harder, it hurts saying it out loud.

“What…?” He steps away, “So that means…”

“NO!” I shout before going back to a whisper, “We don’t know if it’s true.”

“But what if it is?” He covers his face with his hands, “We can’t take that risk, especially with the kids in the house.”

“You think I don’t know that!?” I step closer, “But we can’t just murder him.”

“It wouldn’t be murder, it would be a-a… a mercy killing.”

“I can’t believe you just said that.” I brush shoulders as I go back inside, “Stay away from him, we’ll figure out what to do in the morning.” Simon grunts and turns around, putting his hands on the rails.

Uncertainty

I lay in my bed, staring at the ceiling. I got maybe 3 hours of sleep last night. From the fear of what’s going on, to what might happen to Mark. I look over at the bedside clock, 6:43AM. I sigh as I sit up on the end of the bed, and slide my hair out of my face. After a moment, I finally decide to stand up. I walk over to the dresser, get some clothes, and go to shower. I don’t really wash though, I just stand in the hot water, staring into the wall. After a while I get out and wrap a towel around my body. After I get out, I wipe steam off the mirror, and stare into my eyes, inspecting, studying.

“God fucking damn it…” I break down, crouching down, tears flowing down my face. I lay down on the cold bathroom floor, quietly sobbing. I don’t even know how long I’m there for, could be a year for all I know. I finally collect myself, standing up, staring into the mirror again. My eyes are red from tears. I wipe them out of my eyes, and tie my hair back. After drying off and putting my clothes on, I walk out from the bathroom, and hear scratching at the front door. I creep down the hall, and peek around the corners, Mark is there, holding himself up on the wall.

“Mark…?” I come out, “Are you…?” His breathing is laboured, shallow.

“I… no… I’m not ok.” He groans, his face pale and drenched in sweat.

“What are you doing…?” I step closer slowly.

“I’m… I’m leaving so I… so I don’t put you and the kids in danger.”

“But you’ll never make it to the end of the block…” I step even closer, “...and we don’t know what’ll happen to you…”

“I know… but…” He looks out the door’s peephole, “Way I see it, I’m damned if I do… damned if I don’t.”

“We don’t know-”

“I do know.” He looks back at me, hand on the doorknob, “Tell the kids that… that I went to go find help.” I pull him into a hug.

“I will… just…” I start sobbing again, “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be… it isn’t your fault.” I can hear him struggling to breathe, he pulls away and grabs the doorknob again, looking back at me, tears in his eyes, “Goodbye… Elsie… I love you.”

“I love you, Mark.” He opens the door and steps out.

“Stay strong, for Jake and Sara.” The door quietly shuts, and I lock it behind him, looking out the peephole. He stumbles down the stairs, falling but catching himself. As he stands back up, he turns around for a moment, before turning back, and walking out into the street. He picks a direction, and goes, I lose sight of him shortly after.

The music is loud, almost deafening, Sasha and Emma are basically eating the faces of some random guys they met probably 5 minutes ago. I just sit there awkwardly, holding my cup with both hands. I feel weird in this outfit. It’s black, form fitting (not that there’s much form to fit), and very revealing. The skirt practically shows off my entire ass, and the top shows some sideboob. I don’t think my body is unattractive by any means, but I definitely don’t have as much… assets, as some of the other girls my age do. I stand up and start nervously walking around, taking a sip. It tastes like ass, but if it’ll make me feel less, I’m all for it. I want to go home, but I know Sasha and Emma won’t let me hear the end of it. I walk into the backyard and stand at the edge of the pool, looking at my reflection. It’s distorted by the people swimming in the water, but through it I see up my skirt, why did I let them talk me into buying this!? I pull the skirt down a bit to hide it a little better, then I continue walking around the edge of the pool and sit down on the edge of a sunchair. I bounce my leg anxiously as I just watch people dance, drink, makeout. I don't know if I envy them, or feel bad for them… maybe a bit of both.

“Hey.” A voice says from behind me. I turn around, and above me stand a tall muscular guy. He’s attractive, but… he looks a little old to be here.

“Hi…” I nervously respond. He sits down beside me, I shuffle away slightly.

“What’s up?” He puts a hand on my thigh.

“I… I don’t know…” I stare down into my drink.

“I’ve noticed you walking around, do you want to be here?” He asks.

“Not really… but my friend wouldn’t want me to go.”

“How about we get out of here?” He smiles at me, “We can go do something you’ll enjoy.” He stands up and extends a hand out, I grab it.

“Ok…” He helps me up.

“What’s your name?”

“E…Elsie…”

“Nice to meet you, Elsie.” He pulls me in, my eyes widen, “I’m Simon.”

Sara comes into the kitchen, she sees me sitting at the kitchen table, my face in my hands.

“Mom?” She whispers, I quickly collect myself.

“Yeah hun?”

“Are you ok?” She sits down across from me.

“Yeah just… figuring things out.”

“Uncle Mark died, didn’t he?”

“No… he just… he went to go find help.” I look up at her.

“So he is…”

“He didn’t want to put us in danger.” I look out the window, “I’m sorry.” She starts to cry, I quickly stand up to go comfort her. I hug her tightly, run my fingers through her hair.

“I’m scared mom.” She sniffles, “Why is this happening?”

“I wish I knew, baby.” I kiss her on the top of her head, “I’ll get you some breakfast.”

“Can I have eggs?” She asks, a smile on her face.

“Of course.” I flash her a smile as I crouch down to grab a pan, “Sunny side up, just the way you like it.” I put bread into the toaster and grab the carton of eggs. The eggs sizzle as it’s dropped down onto the hot pan, the smell fills the kitchen. They’re quickly done cooking as I slide them onto a plate I placed beside the stove. I pull out the toast and place it down onto the plate right beside the eggs. I bring the plate over to where Sara is sitting, she has a huge smile on her face.

“Thank you mom.”

“Of course, want a drink?” I put my hand on her shoulder.

“Do we have any orange juice left?” She looks up at me with her large eyes.

“I believe we still have a bit.” I walk over to the fridge and open it up, scanning. I pull out the carton, shaking it playfully before grabbing a glass from the cupboard.

I stare out the kitchen window, looking into the backyard. On the deck, Simon leans against the railing, smoking a cigarette. Sara and Jake are playing in the living room. Mom comes up behind me, putting a hand on my shoulder.

“We’re going to be ok Elsie.” She has that sweet look on her face. I want to believe her.

“Mark… he…”

“It wasn’t your fault.” She whispers, “He went out on his own terms, he was always stubborn like that.” She chuckles softly, I can’t help but chuckle too.

“He really was.” I close my eyes and sigh, “But we will live on, for him.”

“We will.” She kisses the side of my head and slowly walks away, “We will.” I walk out towards the backdoor, and slide it open. Simon looks back at me.

“I’m sorry… for last night.” He says, smoke coming out of his mouth, “I wanted all of us to be safe, none of us know what’s going on.”

“I know, it’s just…” I walk up beside him, leaning on the rail too. He offers his cigarette to me, I take it, “He was my brother, I couldn’t let that happen to him, from me or you, but he did it on his own, he walked out the front door without my help.” I put the cigarette in my mouth, and breathe in the smoke, holding it in for a while.

“I regret what I said” He looks over at me as I exhale, and offer the cigarette back, “I’m doing my best to keep up appearances for the kids but… I’m terrified.”

“Me too.” I look up into the sky, the moon’s dim light shines down on us, “I don’t know how long we’ll be able to ride this out for.”

“Will there even be an end?” He puts out the cigarette in his ashtray and tosses the butt into the grass, “Or is this how things are now?”

“People are working on stopping this I’m sure.” Far in the distance, I can hear the screams of someone. I don’t know what’s happening to them, but it can’t be pretty.

“Fuck, I hope you’re right.” He kisses me as he walks back inside, but I stay outside for a while longer.

Fin des temps

It’s been about two weeks now since everything happened. We’ve managed to keep morale up, but I don’t know how long we can keep it up for. The power went out four days ago. Simon managed to hook up a generator we used to bring camping. We have to keep most things turned off, but it works. Fuel is the main issue though. Simon has gone on a few runs to the nearby Co-op to get more fuel and other supplies. He says he had some close calls, but hasn't gotten any injuries. He uses a hammer to take out the monsters, says it’s efficient. There have been a few times the monsters came right up to the door, scratching at it. A few go away, but most don’t, and we have to take them out. I’ve done my fair share of… is it killing them if they’re already dead? I don’t know. Whatever the proper term is, I’ve taken a few out. I haven’t seen Mark, I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not though. I know he’s dead, but… is he one of them? I can tell mom isn’t doing good. Losing both dad and Mark, a day apart. I’m barely keeping it together myself, I don’t know how she’s managing. Jake’s been taking things surprisingly well, he’s naive, I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not. Right now his biggest concern is that he can’t play on his Wii anymore. Sara has done her best to be there for Jake, I think she knows that he needs someone with him, he can’t be alone through this. I feel like we’re all just delaying the inevitable. Sooner or later, a group of monsters, or other people will find us. I don’t know what we’ll do then. We won’t be able to fight them off, we’d have to flee, but… then what? We have nowhere else to go. Fuck, I’m so scared. I want things to go back to normal, back to the way things were. 

I watch out the front window, kitchen knife in my hand, awaiting Simon’s return. I grip the handle tightly. Monsters roam the streets, the amount of them seems to be growing. A car speeds down the road, I quickly close the curtain as it passes, engine roaring. Monsters turn to follow it. I exhale sharply as I open the curtain up more.

“There’s more than usual.” Mom walks up beside me, “Is Simon going to be ok?”

“He’ll be fine, he’s strong, smart.” I smile, hiding my worry, “He’ll be back any minute now.” I hear scratching at the patio door.

“Again?” Mom groans.

“Fuck me.” I walk towards the back door. Outside is a monster, scratching at the glass, groaning, eyes locked on me. No… I know her. Marry, she babysat Sara for us a few times. God damn it. I slide the door open, she reaches at me, but I push her back. I step outside onto the porch as Marry catches herself, coming at me some more. I reach my arm out to keep her at a distance. Her arm hits me in the face.

“I’m sorry.” I whisper and I drive the knife into the side of her head, she stops moving. Blood rushes out and I pull the knife out, she collapses to the ground. I put my hands on my knees to catch my breath. The knife clatters as I place it down onto the wood of the patio. Her wrists are cold, I hate how it feels. I pull as hard as I can, open the gate out to the alley, dragging her along the ground. I drop her to the ground, and move my hair out from in front of my face. Mom meets me at the door as I walk in, blood on my face.

“Are you ok?” She asks.

“Yeah… just… I hate doing that.” I wipe a tear from my eye. She hands me a rag, I wipe it on my face, doing my best to clean off the blood.

“I’m sorry you have to do this.” She pulls me into a hug, it’s warm.

“I noticed something.” I say with a sigh.

“What is it?”

“The monster, she wasn’t bitten.” I pull out from the hug, “Or at least not that I could see.”

“Do you think it’s possible that…?”

“Maybe it isn’t the bites that do it, maybe…” I put my hand on my forehead, “No, can’t be, it must’ve been somewhere I couldn’t see.”

“You might be right, it wouldn’t make any sense otherwise.”

Simon and I go into the bathroom of a Tim Horton’s, he locks the door behind us. I can feel my breathing get heavier as he pulls me in, kissing my neck. I moan softly as he starts thrusting into me. I wrap my legs around him as he pushes me against the wall. I put a hand on his shoulder, and the other on the back of his head, gripping his short hair softly.

“F-fuck Simon…” I manage to say through the euphoria, then I hear my phone ring, “Fuck… Sim-Simon stop… my phone.”

“Damn it.” He says as he pulls out and backs away. I crouch down and dig through my pocket, grabbing my phone, it’s Mark.

“Hello?” I say in my best “I totally wasn’t just having sex” voice.

“Elsie, you gotta get home, dad’s pissed!” Mark explains frantically.

“Why?” I ask as I move my hair out of my face, “What happened?”

“Well that depends, are you out with Simon again?” I pause for a bit.

“No…” There’s silence for a bit.

“So I take it that’s why he’s pissed then?” Mark chuckles.

“I don’t understand why he gets so pressed about it.” I complain, “I’m allowed to have a boyfriend!”

“Yeah well I don’t think they want you to date someone almost a decade older than you.”

“Fuck, just… can you buy me time?” I ask. Mark just sighs.

“I’ll do my best.”

“Thank you!” I smile, “You’re the best! Bye!”

“Buh-bye.” The line goes dead. I put my phone back in my pocket, and stand back up. Simon pulls me back in and we kiss.

Some time passes, and Simon finally comes back, a full jerry can in his hand. I quietly closes the door, locking it. I can tell he’s stressed, maybe something happened.

“Are you ok? What happened?” I quickly walk up to him, looking him over.

“I’m fine, I’m fine.” He takes off his hat, and places the fuel on the ground, “There were some other survivors, they shot at me, but I managed to get away.”

“Are you hurt!? Did they follow you!?”

“No, no honey, they were terrible shots.” He laughs. I pull him into a hug, holding him as tight as I can. He puts his hand on the back of my head.

“You were gone longer than you usually were, I was so worried, I thought that-”

“Hey, hey, look at me.” He pulls out of the hug, and looking deep into my eyes, “I made it, we’re ok, I’m ok.”

“DADDY!” Jake shouts, running up to him, giving him a hug.

“You have to be quiet, bud, the monsters will come if they hear you.” He takes off his backpack, “I got some goodies while I was out too.” He hands it to me, I grab it. It thuds down onto the kitchen table. I unzip it and open it up, peeking inside. Inside there’s a lot of canned goods, and some bottled water.

“This is really good, this is perfect!” I smile, looking over at Simon.

“All that will buy us lots of time.” He walks closer to me and sighs, “But I don’t think I’ll be able to go back there.”

“Why not?” I tilt my head.

“It was picked pretty clean, what I grabbed was basically the last of the food there.” He puts his hands on his hips, “We might be able to get fuel from there, but other supplies… I’ll need to scavenge somewhere else.” Fuck, this isn’t good. We don’t know what else, or who else, is out there. The situation in the rest of the city could be worse than it was here. The TV uses too much power, and we don’t have a radio, so we have no idea what’s going on everywhere else. Not just in Edmonton, but Alberta, Canada, the whole world. Some places could be better than here, worse, or some places might not even be affected at all.

“God damn it.” I mutter under my breath, “It could be dangerous for you.”

“I know, but… I have to, we’ll starve.”

“I know, just…” I pace around the kitchen, “Maybe we wait before we come to a concrete decision, give it a day or two.”

“I don’t know if we can Elsie. I don’t know how long we can wait.” He sounds angry, “The next closest store could be completely looted by the time I get there if we wait.”

“Fuck, I know!” I quietly yell, both so the monsters don’t hear us, but Jake and Sara too, “But I don’t want you to die out there, especially since some people shot at you today!”

“They’ll be long gone!” He steps closer to me, “We can’t just wait here, we have to get as many supplies as we can!” I take a step back, leaning against the counter.

“We will talk about this tomorrow.”

“Elsie! We need to-”

“Mom? Dad?” I look over, and see Jake standing in the doorway, “Why are you fighting?” Simon takes a step back from me, and walks up to him.

“We aren’t just…” I catch my breath.

“We’re discussing our plans for what to do, just in case things go wrong.” Simon kneels down.

“Can I help?” He flashes that goofy smile.

“We already finished talking, we have a plan.” I say, fighting tears.

“Aw… next time?”

“Next time.” Jake turns around and walks away, Simon following closely behind. I glare at Simon as he walks away.

In the Dead of Night

I stare at the ceiling, the house is silent, but I hear the activity of monsters roaming the street. Simon is softly snoring beside me, I shift my body to be a little further from him. I mull over things, what’s happened already, what might happen. I can’t shake this sinking feeling. Like things will inevitably go wrong, any minute now. I don’t know what will happen or when, but… god fucking damn it, I just want us to be safe, I want us to be able to survive here, but I don’t know how long we can. Why hasn’t the military come to help us? Or anyone? Is there even a military left anymore? I close my eyes again, trying to finally sleep. I haven’t had a decent amount of sleep since all this happened. I feel myself slowly start to drift off, everything feeling lighter. Suddenly I hear a loud crash, a window shattering. I shoot up and immediately grab my knife sitting on my nightstand and stand up. I see Simon doing the same as I run towards the bedroom door. I throw it open and run down the hall, opening the door to my kid’s rooms. The windows aren’t broken in either one.

“Mom?” Sara sits up in her bed, “What’s going on?”

“Stay here, a window broke, something might be inside.” I turn around and run back down the hall, and into the living room. The window near the TV shattered, and a monster got through. I run up to it, keeping it at arm’s length as I plunge the knife into its skull. I cry out as I pull it out, the monster collapses to the carpet floor, blood pouring out. Mom runs out, standing behind me.

“How can I help?” She shouts.

“Fuck… get a bag and grab as much stuff as you can, we can’t stay!” I yell frantically, “SIMON!” I hear his footsteps running as mom goes to pack. I kill another one as he reaches me.

“Yeah!?” He says, out of breath.

“Get the kids, we have to leave!” I push a monster back, another lunges at me, grabbing my arm, “Fuck…” I push its head away, grunting with the effort. Simon runs up and hits the monster over its head, breaking it open. It lets go, and Simon puts his hand on my shoulder.

“Try to keep away from them!”

“I know what I’m doing!” I snap as we back up. I knock over a bookshelf to try and slow them down.

“I’ll grab the kids, get ready to leave.” Simon runs down the hall.

“MOM! YOU ALMOST READY!?”

“ALMOST, JUST GETTING A FEW MORE THINGS!” A monster falls over the bookshelf, and I drive the knife down on it as it hits the ground. Another falls, I stomp my boot down on it, caving its skull in. Simon comes out with the kids, both of them crying.

“LETS GO, MY CAR IS PARKED IN THE ALLEY!” He screams, pointing to the back door.

“My mom is getting stuff from the kitchen!” I start walking towards it, “We aren’t leaving without her.” He looks around.

“Fuck… take the kids!” He steps them down, “I’ll get her out.” He runs towards the kitchen as I pick up Jake and lead Sara towards the backdoor. I slide the glassdoor open, looking back, monsters are starting to make it past the barricade.

“God damn it…” I mutter under my breath as we walk down the patio steps. I hear Simon shouting inside, but I can’t understand what he’s saying. We run into the alley, towards Simon’s car, a red Nissan Rogue. I help the kids in and slam the door shut, taking my seat behind the steering wheel. I put my knife on the dashboard and put the key in the ignition, but don’t turn the engine on yet.

“Where’s dad?” Jake says through his tears, “And grandma?”

“Th-they’re… they’re coming… they’ll be here soon.” I watch towards the house, the seconds feel like hours. I reach my hand back and put my hand on Jake’s knee, then move it over to Sara’s. Simon finally runs out of the backyard, holding a backpack… alone. He throws the door open and sits down.

“Where is she!?” I look at him, he just looks forward, “Simon!” He finally looks over at me.

“She… I’m sorry.” He reaches a hand out to me, rubbing my arm.

“No…” I put my head on the steering wheel, “FUCK!” Tears flow down my face as I turn the engine on. I start driving forwards, out the alley, and onto a road. I adjust the rearview mirror to look at Jake and Sara. They’re holding each other, crying. I wish I could hold them too, but we can’t stay.

“HE’S 26!?” Mom shouts at me, tears flow down my face like a river, “Do you have any idea how god damn irresponsible that is!?” I pace around the living room, not sure if I want to run away or scream.

“I LOVE HIM MOM, OK!? I shout.

“YOU ARE 17, YOU’RE STILL IN HIGHSCHOOL!” I put my face in my hands, “DO HIS PARENT’S KNOW ABOUT THIS!? I DOUBT THEY’RE PLEASED!” 

“UGH!” I groan as I brush past her, opening the front door and slamming it behind me. I walk for a while, it’s September, so it isn’t exactly warm out. Cars rush by, wind blows, I cry. Then, eventually I get to a bench, and sit down, curling myself into a ball. I don’t even know how long I lay there for when Mark approaches me.

“Elsie?” He says in a calm voice.

“Leave me alone.” I say, he doesn’t listen.

“Well we both know I can’t.” He chuckles as he sits down beside me.

“I just do-... why can’t she just leave it alone?” I ask.

“Because she cares about you, and I care about you too.” He puts a hand on my foot, “We want to make sure you’re safe.”

“But I am, I care about him, he cares about me, I just don’t understand.” I wipe a tear from my eyes, mascara gets wiped off onto my hand.

“Elsie, you know exactly what I’m about to say.”

“I know… I just don’t see why it’s such an issue.”

“Because when he graduated you were in grade 3.” He laughs, and despite my best efforts, I do too, “I got you.”

“I really hate you, you know that?” I look up at him.

“That’s a big fat lie and we both know it.” He says, I kick his leg, “Hey, watch it, I just did my laundry.”

“When do you think I’ll be able to go back?” I ask, Mark exhales.

“She was PISSED when I left, so I’d at least wait until she goes to bed.

“That won’t be for like two more hours!” I sit up, and groan.

“Yeah…” He looks over at me, “C’mon, I’ll get you some Tim’s.” I couldn’t ask for a better younger brother, even though he does get on my nerves sometimes.

We drive through the neighborhoods, swerving in between abandoned cars and monsters roaming the streets.

“It feels weird not stopping at stop signs.” I chuckle, trying to make the best out of this shit situation.

“Elsie… are you ok?” Simon puts a hand on my thigh, “I mean… given what just happened.”

“Not really, but…” I sigh, “We just need to find somewhere to lie down for the night.”

“Where!?” Simon waves his hands in the air, “No matter where we go, it won’t be safe.”

“There has to be something out there, a building we can sleep in for the night, then maybe find something more permanent.”

“We have to keep moving.” He looks over at me, “We can’t stay in one place for too long, they’ll find us again.”

“We can fortify, defend.”

“How!?” He laughs, “Neither of us know how to build walls or defenses.”

“We will figure it out.” I look back forward, we’re leaving the city, “We just have to try.” Simon turns his head away from me, staring out the window. It looks weird without all the lights glowing in all the buildings. It feels off, uncanny.

“I… I tried to save her.” I look over at Simon, “We were on our way out, but… they grabbed her… there was nothing I could do.” I feel the tears forming in my eyes again.

“I know, just…” I wipe tears from my eyes, and grip the steering wheel tighter, “...that’s the way the world is now.” I pull the car into a gas station, it's dark, but there aren’t any monsters outside, so that’s a good sign.

“You want me to check inside?” Simon asks as I throw the vehicle into park.

“No, I got it.” I grab the knife off the dashboard, “Stay here and watch the kids, I’ll be quick.” Simon quickly opens the glove box.

“I think I got… there we are!” He rummages around before pulling out a flashlight, “Should make it a little easier to see in there.” I grab it from his hand and inspect it.

“Thank you, honey.” I kiss him then open the door.

“Love you.” He smiles.

“Love you too.” I step out and close the door. A cool night breeze hits me as I start to walk towards the door, the flashlight clicks as I turn it on, illuminating the building. I can see through the glass, I don’t see any monsters, or any people, inside. I grab the door handle and pull on it, locked.

“Fuck.” I mutter under my breath. Nothing is ever easy. I walk around the side of the building, slowly creeping. I grip my knife tightly and shine the light around the corner. A monster snarls at me and starts to walk towards me. I quickly drive the knife into his head, and toss him to the side. I whip the blade to get some of the blood off and keep walking. I come to a rear door and, surprise surprise, locked. I sigh and walk back around to the front, looking around for something to smash the window. My light shines down on a large rock. I pick it up, it’s cold to the touch. I grip it tightly and chuck it towards the glass door. The glass shatters, I reach my arm though and unlock the door. I open it up, expecting that chime that always plays at gas stations, but… an eerie silence. I step inside, glass snaps under my feet. I search the whole building, there’s still some supplies we could use. We’ll throw it in the car in the morning, figure out what will be the most useful. I open the door to the back room, around a corner, laying on the floor is a body, a gun in her hand, dried blood beside her head. I gag from the smell, almost throwing up, but I manage to keep it down. I pick up her gun and take out the magazine, there’s some bullets left, so I put it in the back of my pants, a makeshift holster. I grab the woman’s body by her legs and drag her towards the back door, swinging it open, and dropping her down onto the ground. I walk back inside and take a deep breath before searching the rest, it’s all clear. As I exit the building, I see Simon standing outside the car, leaning against the side, watching towards the building. I wave him down and he runs to the driver’s seat and hops in, turning on the engine. He drives up right in front of the door, and rolls down the window.

“Is it safe?” He asks.

“There’s no monsters inside, won’t be comfortable, but it’ll work for the night.” I pull out the pistol, “Found this too, someone used it to… I guess they couldn’t handle it.”

“Fuck…” He rubs his chin.

“I dragged her outside, the kids won’t see it.” I open the door, and pick up Jake, he groans, half asleep, “C’mon bud, we found a place to sleep.”

“How long will we be here?” He says in a groggy voice.

“Just for tonight, we’ll find somewhere more comfortable tomorrow.”

“Ok…” He is barely awake as I carry him inside. We walk into the backroom, I sit him down on a chair, Simon places Sara on a chair near him as well.

“We can find some jackets or blankets for them to sleep on.” Simon says as he opens some of the lockers. I wander around the store, picking up anything that could work. There’s a bunch of jackets in the office behind the registers, perfect. I return to the back and start setting up beds, rolling up jackets for pillows, table cloth for blankets, and whatever else we could find for the actual bed. We tuck the kids in, and I sit near them.

“I’ll be on watch.” Simon says, “Give me the gun, just in case.” I take the pistol out, handing it to him.

“Get me when you want to sleep, I can be on watch too.”

“I will, thank you.”

“Of course.” I smile, “Thank you.” I run my fingers through Sara’s hair, then Jake’s.

“Mom?” Jake whispers.

“Yes, Jake?”

“When will we go back home?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t think we can.” I sigh, “It isn’t safe there anymore.”

“Oh…” He starts to cry.

“We’ll find somewhere better though, everything is going to be ok.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.” I chuckle, “Now get some sleep.” I turn off the flashlight, and close my eyes, trying to get some sleep myself, I need it, desperately.

From a combination of stress and cold concrete floor, I don’t get very much sleep. I fall asleep for maybe thirty minutes at a time, but I can’t stay asleep. So I might as well let Simon get some sleep. I grab my knife and stand up and creep towards the front of the store. As I step out into the front, I can see the sun starting to come over the horizon. It isn’t visible yet, just a slight bit of orange right before sunrise. Simon is standing behind the counter, pistol in hand, watching out the window.

“Hey.” I whisper as I approach. He looks over at me with surprise.

“What are you doing up?”

“I can’t sleep.” I groan, “Figured I’d let you sleep.”

“You sure.” He grabs my hand, “I don’t mind staying up.”

“I’m sure, you go get some rest.” I smile softly at him, he kisses me.

“Thank you.” He places the pistol on the counter for me, “See you in the morning hun.”

“Have a good sleep.” I chuckle, grabbing the pistol. He walks away, into the back of the store. I sigh and look out the window, the dim moon barely illuminates the prairie. I can see the hills, but that's about it. I wander around the store a little bit, just looking, remembering. When I was younger, me, Mark, mom, dad, we always stopped here when we went camping in Devon Lions. We would get snacks, bugspray, sunscreen, propane, everything we needed. I remember Mark would always beg mom to get those shitty gas station sandwiches. They were always terrible, but, god damn, I’d give anything to have just one more. I chuckle as I remember that metallic taste they always had. I miss those times, simpler times, happier times. Not times like this. This isn’t the world I want for my kids. I want them to have the life that I did, but… I don’t know if that’s possible anymore. I don’t know if…

“What the fuck…?” I whisper to myself. Outside the store, I see a person looking through the trunk of our car. I ready my pistol and walk towards the door. I quietly open it and step outside, and walk around to the trunk of the car.

“Who the hell are you!?” I shout, pointing the pistol at the man.

“MIERDA!” He jumps back, “I did not know this car belonged to anyone.” He chuckles. The man is wearing camo, and has a rifle over his shoulder.

“Well it’s ours, now leave.” I command.

“My apologies, la amiga.” He puts his hands up, and has a big smile on his face, “Do you all live here?”

“How do you know it isn’t just me?”

“You said ‘ours’, kind of a dead giveaway.” He chuckles, “But do not worry, for I am not here to hurt anyone.”

“How can I know you’re telling the truth?” I say, not lowering the pistol.

“I mean… I guess you just have to trust me.” He scratches his bearded chin, “Look at it this way, my abuelo used to take me hunting all the time, he taught me all about outdoor survival.”

“So?”

“So… I can be of great use to you.” He strikes a pose, “You have a very… suburban look to you, so you need someone who knows how to hunt, make camp, that kind of thing, am I wrong?”

“I guess you’re right.” I slowly lower the pistol.

“Do we have a deal?”

“Maybe, I’ll talk to my husband in the morning, see what he thinks.” I pause for a bit, “What’s your name?”

“Dios mío, where are my manners?” He puts his hand on his forehead, “My name is Hugo, at your service.” He bows, this guy is very theatrical.

“I’m Elsie.” I nervously smile

“Pleasure to meet you Elsie.” He shakes my hand before I have time to pull away, “You will not regret this.” He closes the trunk, and we walk into the store. He grabs a snack off the shelf, sets his rifle down and sits on the ground. I’m scared of what Simon is going to say about him. He does seem to know what he’s doing, especially if he’s been able to make it on his own the past couple weeks. So he could be useful for us, since he claims to know how to make shelter. Having a hunter doesn’t seem bad either, there’s lots of deer and other animals all around, so hopefully we’ll never run out of food. Maybe he could be an ally, maybe even a friend. Time will tell I suppose. 

Trust

I struggle to stay awake, but my hand doesn’t leave my pistol as I watch Hugo. He leans against a counter, looking out the window. I mean, he doesn’t look threatening, he seems very bubbly. But I need to be careful, if for whatever reason, he kills me, then… they’d be defenseless. I look to my right, and see a monster stumbling in the parking lot. I put the pistol in the back of my pants and grab my knife.

“I got it.” I say, walking towards the door.

“You sure?” Hugo walks towards the door too.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” I push the door open and step out. The wind blows my hair into my face, I quickly brush it out. As I approach, I see that there’s actually two monsters. Shouldn’t be an issue though, I think. I step into a readied stance as they get closer, grunting as I quickly jab at the first one as it reaches out to me. I struggle to get the knife out. The monster snarls as it reaches for my arm, and I softly scream as I jump back, my knife still in the monster’s skull.

“God damn it.” I mutter under my breath. The monster gets closer, I put my hands on its shoulders to keep it away. I strain as I use all my strength to keep it away. The monster’s face gets closer to mine. Suddenly, a knife gets slammed into the skull of the monster. I push it away and take a step back, putting my hands on my knees to catch my breath.

“Thank you…” I say shakily. Hugo takes my knife out of the other monster’s head.

“Of course, friend.” He smiles warmly and hands the knife to me. I grab it and wipe the blood off on my pant leg.

“Is that what we are now?” I chuckle.

“Well, you haven’t tried to kill me, so I’d say we’re best friends.” We start walking back towards the store.

“I suppose that’s fair.” I look over at him, he adjusts his rifle, and slides his knife into his pocket, “Friendship is in short supply these days.”

“Most people I’ve encountered have a ‘shoot on sight’ policy.” He sighs, “I personally prefer to try and talk before shooting.”

“Have you killed anyone?” I ask as we step back inside.

“No, I aim for non-deadly areas.” He sets his rifle down on the ground in front of the counter, “The majority of people are smart enough to run away once they get shot at.” I nod.

“That seems reasonable.” I feel easier.

“You and your family, you from Edmonton?”

“Yeah, I was born there, married there, I liked it.” I sigh, “Where are you from?”

“Well, I was born in San Juanito, down in México, but we moved up to Canada shortly after that, grew up in Fort McMurray.”

“Damn, and you walked all the way from there?”

“Yeah, legs burn like a mother fucker.” He laughs.

“Was it bad up there?” I ask. Hugo's expression changes.

“It was pretty bad.” He looks out the window, “Smaller population than here, but it was still bad. Lots of people died, my parents didn’t make it out. I barely made it out myself.”

“I’m sorry.” I put my hand on his shoulder, “I’ve lost people too, but we have to do our best to make the best out of this.”

“I know… I’ll live on, for them.”

“That’s good.” I smile, “And that’s all any of us can really do now.”

“What’s your family’s goal?” He asks, “Gonna be nomadic? Live off the land?”

“My husband and I talked about maybe finding a place we can settle down, reinforce, a place where we can live.”

“That sounds really nice.”

“I’m sure you will be able to join us.” I take a sip from a water bottle, “My husband can be a little… intense sometimes. But he’ll come around, don’t let him scare you.” Hugo laughs.

“Thank you, I’ll do my best.”

I walk through the halls at school, wandering while I wait for it to be time to go to my next class. I put my hand to my stomach as I’m randomly hit with the urge to vomit. I try to fight it off, but it's unavoidable. The sound of my footsteps echoes through the halls as I damn near sprint towards the nearest bathroom. I throw the door open to the first stall, lock it, throw the seat up, barely making it in time. I cough and gag as my breakfast comes out. Once it finally stops, I grab some toilet paper and wipe my mouth, then check to make sure I didn’t get any in my hair. After spitting the residue out of my mouth and into the toilet before flushing. God damn, what the hell was that…

“No… no, no no nonononono.” I put my hands on my head as the realization hits me. I run out of the stall, and out of the school, pulling out my phone and calling Simon. It rings for a while before he finally picks up.

“Hey bab-”

“SIMON I’M FUCKING LATE!” I shout as I sprint as fast as I can to the nearest convenience store.

“Late? Late for what?” He asks.

“No, no, I’m late late.”

“Fuck…” He pauses, “...are you sure?”

“I don’t know… I’m going to 7/11 to get a test.” It’s hard, but I keep running, each step is painful, and my lungs sting.

“What will we do if-”

“I… I don’t fucking know, just… let’s see what it says first.”

“Call me as soon as you know.” He says.

“Ok… I will… love you.”

“Love you too.” He hangs up, and I open the door to the 7/11.

The sun gets higher, I can see more of the prairie. The endless ocean of grass and hills. Far in the distance I can see a few monsters, roaming, going away from the city. I suppose I should wake up Simon so we can get ready to leave. I open the door to the back, it creaks softly. Simon is sitting on the ground, arms crossed, asleep. I nudge him on the shoulder softly.

“Hmm.” he groans, “What’s up?”

“We should get ready to head out, pack whatever we can into the car.”

“Fuck…” He stretches, “What time is it?”

“8? I don’t know.” As he stands up, I stop him, “Before we go out, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“What is it?” He looks at me, concerned, “What happened?”

“I found someone, his name is Hugo.”

“What!?” He yells, but in a whisper.

“He isn’t a threat, he can be a huge help to us.” I frantically say, he pushes past me, and walks towards the front of the store. I quickly follow behind him. As we step out, he scans the room, and sees Hugo.

“What the hell do you want!?” Hugo turns around, raising his hands.

“Hey, I’m not a threat, I just-”

“Bullshit.” Simon grabs the collar of Hugo’s hunting jacket, “What are you scheming!?”

“Nothing estúpido.”

“Simon fucking stop!” I pull Simon back and get between them, “He saved my life.” Simon grunts angrily.

“How could you just let him in here?” He pokes my chest, “What if he tried to kill you, or the kids!?”

“I stayed on alert, he helped me, he can be trusted.”

“Fuck.” Simon turns around and takes a few steps back, “He can stay, but he does one sketchy thing, I’m throwing him out.”

“Thank you.” Hugo says graciously.

“Shut up.”

“Wow, ok.” Hugo scoffs as Simon walks away, “What a charmer.”

“I warned you.” I chuckle, “Sorry.”

“It’s ok, he’ll warm up to my wonderful personality soon enough.”

“Let’s get packing, pick up whatever could be useful and throw it in the car.”

“Yes ma'am.” Hugo salutes and starts browsing the aisles. I follow suit. On one of the shelves, I see a few jerry cans. We could maybe put some gas in them, just in case we drive far. I don’t know how to get the pumps to dispense gas, Simon might though. I walk into the back, and see him leaning against a wall.

“What?” He says grumpily.

“I found some jerry cans, do you know how to make the pumps work?”

“Yeah.” He walks forward a bit, “If these pumps are like the ones in town, I should be able to.”

“Perfect, thank you.”

“Yeah.” He sighs, “Just so you know, I’m not happy about him coming with us.”

“I know, but we need him.” I glare at him, “He has lots of survival skills, more than both of us have combined.”

“I know, just… we need to put our kid’s safety first.”

“I know and I am, that’s why I’m saying we need him.”

“Fuck…” He walks towards the store, and grabs the jerry cans.

I throw another pack of water bottles, and stretch my arms, grunting as I do. I look over towards the pumps and watch Simon filling up the jerry cans. Hugo comes out carrying some vehicle maintenance items, oil, transmission fluid, whatever we might need.

“I think we can fit a bit more stuff in here, we should get more food.” Hugo looks over at me, and puts his hands on his hips.

“Yeah there’s still plenty of room.” I start walking back inside, “Let’s go.” We walk back inside, and I scan the shelves.

“Mom?” Jake says, “Who’s that?” I look over and see Jake standing in the doorway, pointing towards Hugo.

“That’s my new friend, Hugo.”

“What’s up little man?” He waves. Jake shyly waves back.

“Is he nice?”

“He’s nice.” I laugh, “He’s a pretty cool guy I’d say.”

“Awesome!” Jake shouts excitedly. Sara follows closely behind, rubbing her eyes.

“What the…?” She stares at Hugo.

“That’s Hugo, he’s going to be coming with us.” I explain.

“Why?” She asks.

“He’ll be a huge help to us.”

“When are we leaving?”

“Soon, once we pack up.” Sara stumbles up to me, still half asleep, and hugs me tightly. I run my fingers through her hair, and she walks away to go to the bathroom. I sigh and look outside, Simon is putting the full jerry cans in the trunk. He walks back inside.

“We leave in ten, be ready.” I nod at him, and grab some last minute items, walking back outside and tossing them in the back of the car. Hugo throws a few more in as well, and I slam the trunk shut. I put my hands on my hips, brush my hair out of my face, and look back towards the city. I can see billows of smoke rising over the city. I don’t know what caused them, but what I do know is that we’re safer out here than in there. From the monsters to the people, the city is dangerous. I wonder if the people in the West Edmonton Mall are doing ok. Are they safe, or did they get overrun? Sara, Jake, and Simon walk outside.

“You ready?” He asks.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” I walk towards the driver’s seat.

“Let’s get this show on the road.” Hugo walks towards the car.

“Sit up front with me.” I look over at Hugo, “Simon, you sit in the back with the kids.”

“Why do I have to?” He groans.

“Because I said so.” I open the back door and help Jake in. Simon and Sara get in from the other side. I sit down in the driver’s seat, and put the key in the ignition.

We drive down the road, nothing but prairie in every direction. I’m only going 50 km/h to do my best to conserve fuel. It feels really slow, but way faster than walking. There’s a few vehicle wrecks, a couple monsters roaming in the ditch, other than that, it’s uneventful.

“How you doing Jake?” I ask, looking at him through the rear-view mirror.

“I’m excited, it’s going to be like a vacation!” He says excitedly. Well at least one of us has optimism.

“Sara?”

“I guess I feel the same, but I’m nervous.”

“I know.” I look forward again, “We’ll be ok though, I promise.” Hugo fiddles with the radio, trying to see if anything is broadcasting. There’s nothing but static for a while, but then we hear something.

“-rumh-” A voice says.

“Go back to that one.” I say, Hugo goes back.

“-ettlem-... -tyr-... -eum.-...” The voice is hard to make out, there’s too much static.

“Could anyone understand what they said?” I ask.

“No.” Simon says.

“I think it’s too far away, we can’t get a clear signal.” Hugo looks out the window.

“Damn it.” I hit the steering wheel. We pass another wreck, but as we do, a monster walks out. We hit it, and I hear a huge bang, that can’t be good..

“FUCK!” I slam on the breaks.

“God damn it!” Simon shouts as the car stops.

“Is everyone ok?” I ask.

“Yeah.

“I’m ok!’

“What happened?”

“A monster walked out into the road.” I sigh and unbuckle my seatbelt. I step outside, the hood of the car is drenched in blood, good thing the car is red already. I look behind us, but I don’t see the monster. There’s a giant trail of blood and guts behind us though. I walk to the front of the car and crouch down. The monster reaches out at me, but it can’t move.

“Oh fuck me.” I groan. Hugo walks out, rifle in hand.

“Everything good?” he asks.

“Not really, the monster is stuck under the car, it’s still alive too.” Hugo crouches down beside me.

“I’ll grab the arms and yank it out, you put it down once it’s out.”

“Got it.” I walk back to the car and grab my knife.

“Ready?” He looks up at me.

“Ready.” Hugo strains as he pulls. I hear the snapping of bones and ligaments, it’s disgusting. The top half of the monster slides out, it groans and I quickly drive my knife into the top of its skull. Hugo wipes his hands on his pants.

“See? We’re a perfect team.” He cheers.

“I guess we are.” I laugh. Hugo drags the monster and tosses it into the ditch. I pop the hood and open it up. I don’t really know what I’m looking at, or looking for, never was much of a mechanic.

“That noise can’t be good, right?” I look over at Hugo, he scratches his chin.

“The radiator might be fucked.” He leans in closer to it.

“Can we fix it?”

“Maybe, not here though.” He looks around, then points, “There’s a farm right over there, the car should be able to make it.”

“God I hope so.” We get back into the car.

“Is everything ok?” Simon asks.

“Hugo says the radiator might be broken, but there’s a farm just down the road, we should be able to make it there, figure out what to do from there.” I explain, as I put the car back into drive.

“God damn it.” Simon groans, “If we can’t fix my car I’m gonna be pissed.” I step on the gas, the noise gets louder. We don’t have much of a choice, so we press on. I silently pray that the car doesn’t just explode or something, because that’s what it sounds like.

Drift Away

Against all odds, the car makes it to the farm. We drive along the dirt road, and park in front of the house. It’s a quaint little house. Not too big, not too small. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise. Maybe this is the place we’re looking for.

“Me and Simon will go check inside, Hugo, you wait out here, keep an eye out.” I explain as I unbuckle.

“Wait, you want him out here? With the kids!?” Simon objects.

“Yes, I trust him.” I look back, “Plus with his rifle, he can keep a better eye out.”

“You just met him last night and you’re trusting him with the safety of our children!?”

“If he wanted to do something bad, he would’ve done it by now.” I explain.

“Are you out of your damn mind!?”

“No, I just have a good eye for character.”

“Pfft, yeah, alright, we’ll see if that’s still true when you get one, or all, of us killed.” The three of us get out of the car. I pull my pistol out, and grip my knife tightly.

“Shout if you need help, I’ll rush in as fast as I can.” Hugo smiles at me.

“Thank you, you holler too if you need us.” We walk towards the front door, I aim my pistol as Simon slowly reaches for the door, and pushes it open. The door creaks, and I look in. I don’t see anything, so we step inside. The floorboards creak, and I feel my heart start to pound. The living room is open, and empty, same with the kitchen and dining room. We find our way to some stairs. One going down, the other going up.

“You check downstairs, I’ll go up?” I look back at Simon.

“Why?” He whispers, “Shouldn’t we stick together?”

“We’ll get done faster this way, it’ll be fine.”

“Fine just…” He sighs and grips his hammer tighter, “...if you need help, call for me and I’ll come running.”

“I will, don’t worry.” I reassure, he kisses me on the cheek. He sneaks down the stairs, and I quietly walk up. The carpet muffles my footsteps slightly. My eyes shift around, inspecting everything. I walk into the bathroom, I quickly look through the drawers and cabinets. There’s some medical supplies, which will be a huge help. I walk out, we can go through the rest later. I walk into a bedroom, and hear footsteps. To my right, a man charges at me, with a battlecry, he slams me into the wall. I cry out in pain as I tumble to the floor. I point my pistol up, but the man kicks it out of my hand. I grunt as I crawl backwards.

“We aren’t here to-” He punches me in the side of the head. I cry out, and roll sideways. I kick the man in the knee as hard as I can, he stumbles back and cries out in pain.

“Agh, you bitch.” I pick my knife up off the floor and quickly stand up, holding it at him. He pulls out a screw driver.

“SIMON!” I scream. The man charges at me again, I slash my knife at him. He sticks his hand up, and the knife cuts a deep hole through it. He grunts, then jabs the screwdriver at my left leg. I feel a sharp pain, and scream. He laughs softly, and I punch him in the face, and kick him away with my other leg. Simon runs up the stairs and enters the room, looking at me, then down at the man.

“What did you do!?” He shouts. I push my hand down around the screwdriver sticking out of my thigh. My breath is shaky, and I’m barely keeping it together.

“He… he came out of nowhere.” I mutter. The man tries to stand up, but Simon kicks him back down.

“You’re… you’re in MY HOME!” He yells.

“We would’ve… left if you… if you asked.” I try to stand up, but fall back down.

“No, we wouldn’t have.” Simon waves his hammer towards the man in a threatening manner, “We’re taking this place, especially now that you hurt my wife!”

“God…” He sits up with a grunt, “...I just wanted to die in peace.”

“What do you mean!?” Simon asks, demanding an answer. He groans in pain as he lifts up his shirt. There’s a bit on his lower abdomen, fuck…

“You’re…”

“Please… please kill me…” He starts to cry, “Please… don’t let me be one of them.” He breaks down. I try to stand up again, it’s excruciating, but I manage to stand up, holding onto the window sill for support.

“We can help you… right?” I look over at Simon. He has an expression that’s a mixture of anger and sadness on his face. It’s something that I’ve never seen before.

“I… yeah…” He mutters. I think he’s confused. This guy attacked me, now begging for our help, asking for us to kill him.

“Thank you… thank you…” He wipes tears from his eyes, “I just want to see my wife again.”

“You will, soon.” I smile softly, trying to comfort him. The man stands up, but Simon doesn’t let down his guard.

“I want to die under my wife’s tree, it’s out front.” He slowly starts walking. I walk over to the pistol on the floor, kneeling down to pick it up. Shocks of pain shoot through my body, and my breathing gets faster, but I manage to pick it up, then stand back up without falling over.

“You ok?” Simon asks.

“Yeah… yeah… I’ll be fine, just… let’s get this over with.” I try to catch my breath. I put the pistol in the back of my wants, and grip my knife tightly, stumbling as I walk forward.

I slowly step outside, grunting with each step. The wind hits the side of my face, the sun feels really nice though.

“Holy shit!” Hugo shouts, running over, “Are you ok!?”

“Yeah… had a little… scuffle.” I chuckle, then groan, and grip my leg tightly. Blood drips to the ground.

“Who’s that?” He asks as Simon follows the man towards the tree.

“I don’t know his name, but he lives here.” I just watch them walk for a moment, “He’s the one that did this, he’s bit and asked us to put him down.”

“Do you want some help with that?” Hugo looks into my eyes.

“Yeah that might not be a bad idea.” I try to catch my breath, “In the upstairs bedroom there were some medical supplies, maybe some bandages.” He helps me sit down on a bench on the front porch, then heads inside. Jake and Sara walk up to me.

“Mom…?” Jake looks down at my leg.

“Are you ok?” Sara asks.

“I’ll be ok guys.” I look down at my hand, which is now drenched in blood, “Hugo’s finding some bandages for me.”

“How did this happen?” Jake looks up at me.

“There was someone inside, he didn’t like us being in there.” I look to my left, Simon is helping the man sit down, “Dad is going to help him though, he’s sick, and asked for our help.” Hugo comes outside, carrying a bunch of medical supplies, and places them down beside me.

“You guys might not want to watch this.” Hugo kneels down and looks over at the kids.

“Why?” Jake asks.

“There might be lots of blood.”

“Oh, ok.” He walks away, Sara follows closely behind. Hugo spread out the supplies.

“You ready?” He asks me, I close my eyes and breathe in.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” I grit my teeth as Hugo grabs the screwdriver.

“I’m sorry Elsie.” He yanks it out, I scream in pain. Blood shoots out, and he quickly rolls up my pant leg. Hugo hands me a bit of cloth and I press it down on my thigh. My breathing gets faster.

“Ah… f-fuck…” I cry. Hugo grabs a bottle and a rag. He pours the bottle onto it.

“Lift up the cloth.” He waves his hand, “This is going to hurt like a perra.” I nervously lift it up, and he puts the rag down onto the wound. It stings, and I cry, struggling to keep still.

“God…” I cover my eyes.

“We’re almost done.” I feel him wrapping the bandage around my leg, then secures it down.

“Is that it…?”

“That’s it, that’s all!” He stands up. He sticks his hand out, helping me stand. I grab his hand and stumble a bit as I stand.

“Thank you, Hugo.” I hug him.

“Ah, it’s no problem.” He laughs, “It’s my pleasure.” I start to slowly walk towards the tree. It takes a long time for me to make my way over. But, eventually I stumble to Simon, catching myself on his shoulder.

“Are you ok Elsie?” He asks.

“Yeah, Hugo patched me up.” I try to catch my breath.

“That’s good.” He exhales with relief.

“I’m really sorry ma’am.” The man looks up at me.

“It’s ok, I don’t blame you.” I look down at him, “You were protecting your home.” He’s starting to sweat a lot. I look over at Simon.

“I think… I think I’m ready now…” He looks up, towards the sky. I pull the pistol out, and aim it down at him.

“Elsie, no.” Simon grabs my arm, “You shouldn’t.”

“I… I got it… I can… I can do it.” My hand shakes, and my voice trembles. The man closes his eyes, seeming to accept what’s about to happen. I start to cry, and take a giant breath in.

“I’m so sorry.” I say through tears. The man doesn’t say anything. I slowly start to squeeze the trigger. A giant bang rings out, and the pistol recoils back. I stumble, but catch myself. I look down, seeing what I did. The man’s body is limp, and a trail of blood flows down the side of his head. I drop the pistol, and fall down to my knees, breaking down. Simon crouches down beside me, and rubs my arm.

“It was for the best, Elsie.” He kisses my cheek, “He isn’t in pain anymore.”

“I know… but… I just… he…” I can’t even form a sentence. I punch the ground, and scream as loud as I can.

Instability

He never even told us his name. I killed a man, and I never knew his name. I know that he was suffering, and I ended it, but… it doesn’t make it any less painful. Simon buried him under that tree, it’s where he would’ve wanted to be buried. I lay down on the couch in the living room, resting my leg for a moment. Hugo and Simon weren’t able to find any painkillers in the house, so I just have to power through. I silently cry to myself as I stare up at the ceiling. I groan in pain as I sit up, and put my hand on the bandage. There’s some blood starting to soak through the bandage, I’ll have to get it changed soon. Outside the window, I can see Hugo keeping watch. He has his rifle in his hands, just scanning the area. I’m terrified of what could come, or who, or… whatever threats are out there. I fear for my family, but maybe here we can make something for ourselves. We can maybe start something here. I smile softly as I think about it, but the pain quickly washes it away. I stand up and walk to the front door, it creaks as I swing it open. Hugo looks behind him, facing me.

“You shouldn’t be standing, Elsie.” He says in a caring voice.

“I know but… I don’t want to let you two do all the work.” I look towards the tree where I shot the man. Simon is digging a grave for him, it’s the only thing we can do for him now. Hugo notices me staring.

“Don’t blame yourself for what happened.” He puts his hand on my shoulder, “He was bit, you put him out of his misery.”

“I know that, but it still feels wrong.” I wipe a tear from my eye, “It… fuck… it didn’t feel real.”

“It was the right thing to do, and you’re strong to be able to do that” He leans his rifle against  the wall, “I don’t think I could kill someone, mercy killing or otherwise.”

“What if I keep doing it?” Tears flow down my face, “What if one day I like killing.”

“I don’t think it will come to that.” Hugo gives me a reassuring smile, “One day people will come together, rebuild society. Just right now, we’re in a, uhh… a limpieza.”

“I want to believe you.” I move my hair out of my face, “I really want to believe you but… none of us know how this ends, if it ever will.”

“Well, maybe there will still be the aumentó, but maybe we can recreate what was, maybe we can adapt.”

“Yeah… yeah maybe.” I smile softly thinking about that possible future. Maybe there are people out there who are working on trying to build that world. I hope that they’re out there. I hope that we can find them.

I walk out of the office after handing in a form to drop out. I thought long and hard about it, but… I won’t be able to take care of my kid while still being in school. I don’t want to drop out, I want to go to college one day, but… I need to put my baby first. I cry as I get into Simon’s car. He grabs my hand and squeezes it tightly.

“We’re going to be ok babe.” He smiles at me and wipes away a tear from my eye.

“I hope you’re right, but… I just don’t know anymore.” I put my hand on my stomach, feeling soft kicks. Mom was obviously livid, and dad was even angrier.

“Where do you want me to take you?” He asks.

“Can I stay at your place for a bit? My parents aren’t happy with me for dropping out.”

“Of course.” He kisses me, then rubs my leg, “You know you’re always welcome.” I smile at him as we start driving, his hand still on my leg. I rest my head on the window, and close my eyes.

I sit out on the front porch. It’s calming, helps me to ignore the pain. There’s a soft breeze flowing around us. The couple of trees wave, their leaves rustling. Jake sits on the ground beside me, playing with some toy cars he found. I look down at him, watching. I smile, I’ve always loved how innocent he is. He never had a care in the world, only ever caring about Mario and his cartoons. His teachers told me that he might have ADHD, I think they might’ve been right. We had an appointment with a specialist, but… you know. I think the appointment was probably sometime this week. I should phone them, tell them we might not be able to make it. I chuckle at my shitty joke. Simon returns from the tree, shovel in hand. He leans it beside the door.

“How are you holding up babe?” He asks.

“I’m doing about as good as I can, considering the circumstances.” I lean back in the chair.

“Do you need anything?” He asks.

“Could you help me change my bandage?” I look up.

“Uhh, yeah, sure.” He says, almost like he was hoping I wouldn’t need anything, “Let me go grab the stuff, and I’ll help you.”

“Thank you.” I smile. He turns around and walks back inside. There’s some silence for a moment after he leaves. Hugo picks his rifle back up and cradles it in his arm.

“So… I know it’s not my place, but…” He pauses for a moment, scratching his stubble, “He’s a bit dick, no?”

“He has his moments, but… he means well.” I look out across the horizon. The sun is getting lower, and will probably set in an hour or two.

“What do you think he’d do if… something ever happened?”

“What do you mean?” I look up at him. He walks up to me and leans closer.

“If you or… one of the kids get bit?” He whispers.

“I… I don’t know.” I look down at my leg, “I want to hope that he’d do what’s right, but… I just don’t know.”

“Well… let’s hope it never comes to that.” He walks back to where he was standing before. I don’t know what he’d do. I play through different scenarios in my head. I get bit, he leaves me. I get bit he puts me down. Sara or Jake get bit… no. He wouldn’t. He couldn’t. Could he?

Simon finally comes back, medical supplies in hand. He sets them down beside me. I roll up my pant leg, wincing in pain, swearing under my breath. Simon unwraps the bandage from my leg, and places it aside. He pours rubbing alcohol onto a rag, then looks up at me.

“Ready?” He asks. I take a deep breath.

“Yeah…” I close my eyes. My leg stings, I grunt, trying not to kick my leg. He cleans it thoroughly, then quickly wraps it back up. I roll the pant leg back down, and place my foot down on the floor.

“You good?”

“I’m… I’m good.” I put my hand on my thigh as he kisses me.

“The fuck…?” Hugo says. I quickly look over at him, he’s aiming his rifle. I look down the dirt road, there’s two people walking up it. Simon walks to the porch’s railing, looking out. He has the pistol in the back of his pants, and he puts his hand on the grip before letting go.

“Jake, get inside.” Simon orders.

“Why?” He whines.

“Because I said so.” Simon says, louder this time. Jake stands up, and walks back inside. I stand up, pain shooting through my leg. The three of us start walking towards the strangers. Well, “walking” might be a bit of a stretch for me, more like a hobble, but I get there. As we approach, Hugo aims his rifle at them, they both throw their hands up in the air.

“Woah, woah!” The man shouts, “We aren’t looking for trouble.”

“What do you want!?” Simon commands.

“We just… we need help.”

“With what?” I step forward.

“We… we’re starving, and… and we don’t know where we are.” The woman says from behind.

“Please, help us.” The man begs, “My name is Erik, and… this is my girlfriend Ana.”

“We can’t help you.” Simon says in a condescending tone. 

“We can’t just let them starve.” I put my hand on Simon’s shoulder.

“Yeah but we can’t give up our supplies.”

“Simon, listen to her.” Hugo looks over as he lowers his rifle.

“No!” Simon screams, “We have to think about ourselves, our family, US!”

“What if we were in their shoes?” I wave my hand towards Erik and Ana, “Wouldn’t you want them to help us?”

“Yeah, but…”

“So let’s help them.” I say calmly.

“I… fine.” He huffs.

“I’ll get you something to keep you going.” I look over at them and smile.

“Thank you.” Ana says, relief in her voice.

“Thank you so much.” I turn around and walk back towards the house.

I stumble inside, my leg killing me.

“Mom?” Sara asks, “What’s going on?”

“Some people showed up, they need help, so I’m getting them a bit of food.” I grab a tote bag and walk into the pantry. Grabbing some of the smaller food items, granola bars, fruit snacks, beef jerky, and a few water bottles. I do one last quick scan before putting the supplies into the bag. Suddenly a gunshot rings out, my head snaps up. I quickly stand up and walk as fast as I can back outside, throwing the door open.

“NO!” I hear someone scream, but I can’t quite tell who it is. As I approach, what I see makes my stomach drop. Erik is on the ground, blood flowing down his face from a bullet hole in his forehead, and Simon points the pistol towards them. Hugo is standing there in disbelief. Ana is hysterically crying as I approach.

“WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED!?” I scream. Simon turns to face me, his face full of many different emotions at once.

“I… he…” Simon stutters.

“You fucking killed him pendejo!” Hugo pushes Simon. Ana holds Erik’s body, pleading for him to wake up. I put my hands on my head, trying to figure out what to do.

“I thought…”

“I don’t think you fucking did.” Hugo screams, “What did you ‘think’ genio?”

“He reached for a weapon…” Simon looks down at Erik’s body, “I swear he…” Ana stands up, knife in hand. Hugo and Simon point their guns at her, I take a step back.

“YOU FUCKING KILLED HIM!” She screams.

“I’M SORRY!” Simon shouts back, fighting tears. She charges forward, raising the knife and shouting. Simon fires three more shots, hitting her in the stomach, arm and chest. She stumbles for a moment before collapsing to the ground. My and Hugo run up to her, flipping her over. There’s blood everywhere, and she’s gasping for air.

“Fuck… you shot her lung.” Hugo turns around. Simon stands there, dropping the gun.

“I-”

“Simon!” I yell, “Shut the fuck up!” The gurgles of Ana gasping for air slowly fades as she suffocates on her own blood. She finally stops moving. I just sit there, holding her, trying to figure out what to do, what to think. I don’t even know how much time passes. None of us move. The sound of a low groan breaks me out of my trance. I look into Ana’s eyes.

“Ana…?” I whisper, “Are you-” She jumps up, growling. I scream as I fall backwards. I push as hard as I can, trying to keep her from biting me.

“Elsie!” Hugo shouts. As I fight I look over, Simon just stands there. Hugo tries to wrestle Ana off of me.

“SIMON!” I grunt, “SIMON… H-HELP!” He snaps out of it, finally seeing what’s going on. He picks up the gun, walks up to us, puts the barrel to the side of her skull, and pulls the trigger. Blood drips onto my face, and my ears start ringing. Hugo falls backwards onto his ass. Simon says something to me, but I can’t hear anything.

“Wha…?” I feel drunk. My hearing slowly comes back.

“I’m sorry.” He reaches out to help me up, but I ignore him. I push Ana’s body off of me, and stand up, wiping the blood off my face.

No Coming Back

I kneel down on my knees over her corpse. I’ve looked over her body at least 3 times, no bite, not even a scratch. I guess mom and I were right back in Edmonton, you turn no matter what. Hugo comes back from dragging Erik away, breathing heavily as he walks up to me.

“Did you find one?” He asks.

“No… nothing…”

“So we’re all… dios nos salve.” He puts his face into his hands, “So what… what do we do?”

“I don’t… I guess we just keep trying to survive.” I stand up, “It doesn’t seem like it kills you outright, just brings you back after.”

“Should we tell Simon and the kids?”

“Probably Simon, but maybe not the kids… not yet.” I kick the dirt, looking down. I don’t know what to think anymore. Simon murdering them, and now we know that we’re all infected. The way Ana and Hugo reacted… I don’t think he was reaching for a weapon. Why would he even try that? He had two guns on him, that would’ve been suicide. If he murdered them, then… no, there’s no way he’d leave her in the house on purpose. He wouldn’t leave her to die. He… I… fuck. Hugo notices I’m upset.

“Are you ok?” He steps forward slightly.

“Yeah just…” I take a deep breath in to collect myself, “...just thinking of things, of what happened.”

“We’re going to be ok, Elsie.” He smiles, “We’ll figure out what to do about… this.”

“I hope you’re right Hugo.” I move my hair behind my ears, “I really fucking do.” Hugo crouches down, grabbing Ana’s ankles.

“I’ll take care of this, you go inside and rest your leg.” He stands back up and begins walking backwards.

“Thank you.”

“Of course.” He grunts every few steps. I turn around to walk away, closing my eyes for a few moments. The door creaks open, and I step inside. It’s cold, we really need to do something about the power situation. There’s gotta be a generator on the farm somewhere. Winter will be here within a month, and we need to be ready, because it won’t be fun. Winters here weren’t fun before the world ended, so it’ll be even worse now. Jake runs up to me, hugging me tight, almost knocking me over. I catch myself on the wall, chuckling.

“You ok Jake?” I ask.

“Mom, what happened?” He whimpers, “I heard loud noises, then dad came in, and he looked angry.”

“Uhh… some people came, but we scared them off.” I lie.

“Are we going to be safe here?”

“Yeah, I'm sure we will be.” I ruffle his hair, “We just have to set up first, get some defenses up, and we’ll be untouchable.”

“Just like my games?” He looks up at me, I chuckle.

“Yeah bud, just like your games.” He pulls out from the hug and runs off to do god knows what. I walk over to the couch and lay back down, sighing heavily. Out the window I can see Hugo shoveling. I turn my headway and look up at the ceiling. I close my eyes and can feel myself drifting off to sleep.

“¡Tú lo mataste, pedazo de basura humana!” Hugo yells. I shoot up, sitting up on the couch.

“I CAN’T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUCK YOU’RE SAYING!” Simon yells back. Hugo walks out of one of the bedrooms, and stomps down the stairs. I stand up.

“What’s going on!?” I frantically ask.

“Él necesita ir.” He mutters under his breath, and walks outside. I look up the stairs, and go to find Simon. As I enter the room, Simon is sitting on the bed, his head in his hands.

“What the fuck happened!?” I wave my hands around. Simon looks up at me, there’s tears in his eyes, he never cries.

“I… I didn’t mean to kill him… I just…”

“But what was the yelling about?” I ask.

“Hugo thinks that I meant to do it, that I… that I’m a murderer.” He wipes his nose on his shirt sleeve, gross. I step closer, sitting down on the bed beside him.

“Then tell me exactly what happened, I want to try and help.” I put my hand on his.

“Umm… after you went inside, he started acting… weird I guess.”

“Weird how?”

“He was… walking weird, I guess.” Simon runs his fingers through his hair, “He seemed nervous, and it made me nervous, so I just pulled the gun out, I didn’t point it at him or anything like that.”

“Then why did you shoot?”

“He reached his hand behind him, quickly.” He starts to cry more, “I didn’t have much time to react, I was scared, I had to…” I put his head into my shoulder.

“You did what you thought was right… it was something you had to do.” I don’t know if I believe what I’m saying. I don’t know what to think anymore.

“I know but… it didn’t get easier.”

“What do you mean ‘it didn’t get easier’?” I look down at him.

“Uhh… back in Edmonton, on one of my runs I… someone attacked me, and they wouldn’t stop.” He sits up, “By the time they did, they were already going to die…” Why did he never tell me about that? He told me everything that happened when he went on runs. Why would he not tell me that? That’s one of the only things he shouldn’t not tell me.

“Just make me one promise, ok?” I say softly.

“What is it?”

“You’ll do everything possible to avoid killing, talk before you shoot, ok?”

“Yeah… yeah, ok, I can do that.” He smiles, I smile back, and kiss him.

“I’m going to go talk to Hugo, I’ll try to calm him down.” I stand up and walk to the bedroom door, “He’s hurting, we all are, he needs a friend.”

“Ok… I think that’s a good idea.” I turn around and leave.

I open the front door and step outside. The wind is blowing pretty hard, almost knocking me over, my hair whips. It’s really dark and hard to see, but I shine my flashlight, and can see Hugo, leaning against the railing, talking under his breath.

“Dios te juzgue por lo que hiciste.”

“Hugo?” I put a hand on his shoulder.

“What did he say happened?” Hugo asks sternly.

“Erik started acting nervous, so he pulled his pistol out, but didn’t aim it, then Erik reached his hand behind him, so Simon shot.” I explain, Hugo chuckles.

“That’s not what I saw.” He looks up into the sky.

“What did you see?”

“Erik seemed calm to me, and he never reached behind him, he just… shot.” Hugo drops his head down, putting it in his arms, “I’m just glad that it was over for him right away, that’s more than we can say for Ana…”

“Did you find a gun on Erik’s body?” I ask.

“No.” Hugo brings his head back up, and looks over at me, “He did have a knife though, Ana grabbed it.” I sit down on a chair, pulling out a cigarette, lighting it.

“I don’t know what to think anymore.” I inhale, “I haven’t known what to think since this all started, but now…” I exhale heavily. Hugo turns around, and sits down beside me.

“Can I have one?” He asks.

“You smoke?”

“I do now.” He laughs. I pull another one out and hand it to him, then bring the lighter over, and ignite the tip. He puts it in his mouth and inhales, before starting to cough a bunch. I just laugh.

“Damn it really is your first time.” I barely keep myself together. Hugo finally collects himself.

“Fuck… this tastes horrible.” He coughs again, “You like this!?”

“Well, not really, but it helps calm me down.”

“Well, I think I’ll keep not smoking.”

“Are you going to finish that?” I ask. He takes another drag, then starts coughing more.

“Yeah… I’ll suffer through it, I don't want it to go to waste.” I sit back, and stare out. The landscape is pitch black. I shine the flash light out, and I can barely make out a monster walking towards the house. I stand up to go deal with it, but Hugo puts a hand on my shoulder.

“I got it, keep the light on it.” He says as he picks his rifle up, and takes aim. I do my best to keep the light steady on the monster. After a few moments, he fires, and the monster collapses. We’ll deal with the body in the morning. Hugo turns to me and bows, I give him an applause.

“Very impressive shot!” I praise.

“Thank you, thank you, I know, I’m the best.” We both laugh. I toss the butt of my cigarette onto the ground.

“I’m going to head back inside, you coming?” I ask.

“Nah, not yet.” He sighs, “I’m gonna sit out here for a little longer.”

“Ok, I’ll see you later then.”

“See you, amiga.” I open the door and step back inside.

End of arc 1

[designatedtrash]

update: Kyle is driving an hour out of his way to come get lunch with me on Wednesday because there’s no time for me to get up to Raleigh between now and when he leaves for college in Virginia😌

a D1 golfer named Kyle becoming my emotional support white boy was not on my 2022 bingo card

[kikisfuneralservice]

KIM JONGHYUN BF HEADCANONS

always wanted to know what kim jonghyun is like as a boyfriend? your questions have been answered…

includes nsfw content‼️

*ALL CONTENT IS PURELY FICTIONAL AND NON-ASSOCIATIVE WITH ANY OF SHINEE OR SM ENTERTAINMENT- PURELY FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES!*

FLUFF:

the two of you make time for each other whenever you can no matter how busy you are

he prefers to stay inside a lot of the time bc he just likes being with you

he does enjoy a good party once and a while tho

ALWAYS wants to bring you to EVERYTHING

he wants to bring you to everything SO he can talk to you the whole time and it’s like?? what was the point of this again? cuz u two are just kinda in the midst of the crowd shouting and laughing at each other with drinks in your hands

drinking competitions def

he knows he won't win but he loves to drink so he’s happy LMFSDFOS

won’t force you to do things either but likes to encourage you to get out of your comfort zone every once and a while

probably was in a chess club in high school

in some niche club or some shit that he wants to rekindle the fire in so he gets you to do some random ass shit like skiing

and he knows everything about it it’s rlly strange for some reason but also embarrassing for you bc u can tell he’s alr a pro and ur just flopping around

also an avid fan of ice skating LOVES THE HOLIDAYS OH MY GOD

every year it only gets more exciting for him? and like he is, he brings you along for it

is a gift giver 

he gets you very thoughtful presents yet he never expects anything back and you try ur goddamn hardest but the only thing he wants at the end of the day is you with him

will be sitting in a chair in ikea and go, “this is the chair i’ll sit in when im eighty years old, i think”

“yeah but ur chair is better than mine”

“i live in luxury, y/n, it’s a lifestyle”

he is one of those bitches that u have to ask him not to bring home a new dog every single day

you already have like 3 of them bc he bought one from the shelter and the other 2 he found on the side of the road and begged you to take in with him

ur lowkey worried every time he asks u to pull over on the freeway bc u fear it’s another dog

(it wasn’t a dog—it was a cat tho)

so now u have 3 dogs and a cat

not that ur complaining

the honeymoon phase goes on for at least two or three years and then it goes straight to old married couple and there’s nothing in between those

also doesn’t like going to bed without solving problems first

he will quite literally stay up for four more hours if it means resolving it before going to bed angry

he just doesn’t like being angry

it doesn’t suit him anyway

teddy bear

he like holds ur face in his hands cuz he likes just gazing into ur eyes cuz he’s stupidly in love and he likes to place singular kisses on your lips so they’re not peppered but they’ll just be singular kisses maybe tries to sneak in there a little just loves holding u he loves u

giggles n touching and u both are kind of just under a blanket just in underwear or some shit and his skin is warm and soft

you love just being on him and feeling him close to u :(

same for him :(

“honey you have this mole on your back”

“jjong-“

“no it’s cute”

“it’s a birth mark?”

*grabby hands*

giggling and sliding his hands downnnnnnnnmmnnn

just laughter and giggles and moving his hands into your pants pls he knows u like it🧍

and you grab his wrists and are like :)

and he’s just :3 n kisses u like what!!

SMUT: 

u come outta the bathroom and see him sitting in bed under the blankets in all of his glory what a beautiful man and he looks up at you like :) hey

he’s just so relieved to see you at the end of the day that’s all

you practically DIVE into bed and he laughs as you practically throw your body over his 

and he’s rushing u to get under the covers before the cold monsters get you 

he likes to wrap his arms around u and kiss ur cheeks everywhere ur forehead top of ur head just peppering everywhere he’s just so happy to see u :(

likes pressing the both of your foreheads together so he can look u in the eyes and then giggle when it gets too quiet

ahh he just likes holding u in his arms even if it’s just your head on his chest just any physical contact is all he wants

when he gets touchy he always ends up kissing u,,, once,,, or twice,, and then again,,, and again- and then ur on top of him and he’s holding you firm in his arms feeling him sigh into your mouth

just loves making out honest to god he lives for you and the noises you make out of satisfaction and the lip smacking it all makes him excited

it’s getting a little too hot and heavy but he still giggles once and a while and u two kinda chuckle at each other once and a while 💀

likes holding your waist as u sit down on his lap and then down to ur ass to touch

he kinda sits up so the two of you are closer and then rolls u over so you’re under him and both of u are kind of heaving for breath but it’s ok bc he loves seeing your chest move up and down for breath and parted lips

just likes necking honestly he likes leaving hickies too just to get you riled up. nights like these where it’s easy and you can feel his lips smile on your skin

running his hands through his hair as he lifts ur arched back up to lay in his arms

and glances down to see ur small panties🙄

he’s like oh and is like ok nvm get on me rn

just wants to feel you get wet in your panties juuuuust for him

likes that satisfaction but also likes seeing u breathily moan out his name

both of ur underwear is wet tho so all’s well and ends well

just the feeling of him growing underneath you and poking at you through your clothed body

he doesn’t want u to take them off tho

so he kinda just moves them ovveerrr

and he’s like they’re just too pretty baby let me fuck you in them please

lifts you by your waist and turns you over so you’re facing the bed but your ass is up

you can look back at him and it’s so contradictory seeing literal hearts pop out of his eyes in adoration for you but something else is also popping out 

really likes just to be able to hold onto your hips 

also reverse cowboy/girl

ass! ass! ass! ass! ass!

will ask if he can smack your ass bc pls pls pls god

wants to smack them while you wear your panties he just likes seeing them jiggle bye

he just likes touching so he has his hands theyre kneading into your ass, your thighs, your tummy, your chest

is a tactile learner

a bit of a hands on guy

for my afab folks god he loves boobs tho

likes playing with them bc he knows he’ll get a reaction from you

unrelated kind of a side note

i feel like he likes the vibrating panties too. doesn’t really care for public action either he just likes having you in front of him seeing you in pleasure

just likes seeing you hold onto the bed frame as you call out his name for him to help

and he always delivers

also will grab you by your thighs bc he wants you to sit on his face

doesn’t care how much u weigh yadda yadda yadda just sit on his face so he can fuck you with his tongue and suffocate 

holds onto your thighs while doing so

likes to leave you shaking 

he likes tasting u but doesn’t always go straight to it

so he’ll leave kisses maybe on your inner thighs,,, to around you, maybe leave kisses before putting hisbtongueinnnn

HE TRAILS THE KISSES UP AND TEASES U HEHEHEH

if he’s holding you he’ll always be rubbing your back

just likes touching your skin

he’s he’s he’s so soft abt it too

like so gentle in caressing u

and he goes to grab you to tickle you💀

just laughs and runs his hands through your hair

let’s you go wash up and then come back to cuddle :/

always likes being big spoon he loves holding you 

send tweet

---

TAGLIST: @keyloml, @jjongolese, @taeminscheesetouch​, @dayskz​, @jonghyuns-husband , @taeminscult1​, @taeminspussylips

OK SURPRISE! this is very unexpected i am aware BUT i just realized that i hadn’t done jjong yet for these! and with that we are done with the bf headcanons! please let me know if you’d like any more future hcs, and you know i will deliver. thank you all again to those who are enjoying my content!

- anne <3

[jinkicake]

Love You Like I Can

Hinata, Kenma, Tendou when their darling finally breaks up with their s/o.

Hinata Shouyou x Reader

Kozume Kenma x Reader

Tendou Satori x Reader

Anon, I apologize, I kinda branched off into something much darker than you maybe intended,,,,,, I couldn’t help myself/still can’t believe I wrote this LOL........ For those wondering what my Feitan writings are like, it is like this but much worse,,,,, sigh. Also! Please let me know if I forgot to tag a tw, I think I got it all,,,,

SMUT // NSFW

TW : heavy implications of yandere themes, stalking, kidnapping, sadistic/masochist behavior, dubcon (kinda),,, 

Take this into consideration before you read ^^^

WC- 2,171

~~~

Hinata Shouyou

Do you know Yoosung from Mystic Messenger,,,, LOL I think you guys know where I am going with this,,, Yoosung is the same type of yandere that Hinata would be like…. In this situation/in my mind

Hinata is so sweet and pure that it almost seems unreal for him to be possessive and protective,,,, not to mention obsessive and controlling,,,, so you never see it coming

Pls, if he sees you talking to any guy that isn’t him ,,,,, or any person even,,,, I think he would get really riled up 

He’d want to be with you always and be the only one that you’re thinking about…. 

Hinata just reminds me of that soft boy™ who would turn out to be a mf yandere type….. 

Let’s say you go to Shiratorizawa and you know Hinata from volleyball,,, bc your s/o also plays volleyball. When word gets out that you and your s/o break up, Hinata would be the first to comfort you and would be so supportive with everything you do

Then it kinda goes to shit because one minute you’re drinking something and then the next you’re waking up in an unknown room that you’ve never seen before. You’re all tied up and can barely move, can barely focus on what is even in the room

When you finally wake up Hinata is so happy and he still has that exciting energy he always has,, he’s like ‘ah I’ve been waiting for ten hours and now you’re finally awake!!!!’ And if you try to ask like where you are and stuff, Hinata would just say some bs like ‘you’re with me?’

This mf,,,,, I feel like when he tortures you, he kinda twists it into a way that it makes it seem like he is doing it for your own benefit. Like him carving his initials into your skin is to protect you and for everyone to know who you belong to, that sorta thing

Hinata would put all his energy into showing you why you belong with him, why you two need to be together, he’d probably punish you for not seeing it sooner and that’s where the angry sex comes in….

“Didn’t you know I was there for you all along?” Hinata asks curiously, still thrusting three of his fingers inside of you while ignoring the muffled whines and cries that leave your lips. “Why did it take you so long to come to me?” He continues to ask, a frown taking up his face as he voices his thoughts. His fingers inside of you once brought pleasure but now they are bringing pain, he has made you cum five times and has not once stopped. Your walls are feeling so stretched and every touch to your clit feels like you’re being shocked with electricity, it hurts. “Don’t you realize how much I love you? Why not me? Am I not good enough for you?” 

His orange hair dips as his frustration oozes out of him and he flicks his wrist as he curls his fingers inside of you, dragging along your walls to find that one spot. 

“You’re all mine now, I don’t have to worry anymore, right?” He growls and stares at you, his eyebrows furrowed and the dark look on his face makes him look unrecognizable. 

“You don’t have to worry anymore, Shouyo-“ You cry, and your back arches into the air as he finally drags his fingers along that spot. 

“Good, good.” He sighs happily and uses his other hand to rub your clit with four of his fingers. “I love you (Y/N), I love you so much and now you’re all mine!” 

Hinata’s eyes light up with need as he stares at your swollen clit getting tortured underneath his fingers, his mouth waters at the sight of your cum spilling down his wrist. Hinata sticks his tongue out of his mouth in concentration as he repeatedly snaps his wrist to thrust his curled fingers along your walls and his mouth drops out when you squirt all over him. 

“You must love me so much, don’t you (Y/N)?” Hinata asks you and you don’t have the nerve to tell him that you hadn’t just cum, not when he is like this. His orange hair dips once again between your thighs as he mutters to himself. “It is so obvious, how did I never notice before.”

Kozume Kenma 

Now,,, with Kenma….. I think his feelings would be really dormant for a while,,,, like he would always have these obsessive tendencies with you but he would be able to control it and hide it

He’d become your friend and gain your trust,,, then stick cameras in your room when you’re not watching so then he can always know what you’re doing 

Kenma is the type where your friends would joke about him having a little crush on you and you’d all laugh it off but in reality,,, Kenma is obsessed with you…. He doesn’t simply have a crush on you,,, he is in love with you

And as soon as you break up with your s/o, all his restraint will fly out the window. He will have zero problems taking you back to his own apartment/room and keep you there,,,,, Kenma does this in a way so that it makes you think you have control over the situation like you’re going to his place because you want to

He kinda reminds me of 707 type yandere you know? I don’t know why I keep referring to mystic messenger character but it helps me write this so…. 

Kenma won’t pay any attention to you or give you any attention but just simply having you in the same room as him makes him feel calmer, he lets you talk or rant for as long as you like,,, he is very manipulative with this whole thing

However, when Kenma finally has enough of you talking about your stupid ex s/o that he cannot stand ,,,, he will shut you up

Cue him kissing you and shit~,,, this will go from 0 to 100 real quick like what you think is your ‘friend’ trying to make you feel better will turn into Kenma’s dormant feelings exploding with every touch

All his previous feelings of rejection and just an obsessive need to make you his will surface,,, but he does it in such a way that it isn’t that intense and you’re into it…… even if he has an entire closet filled with sex toys that he wants to use on you 

Kenma will leave physical marks on you….. You’re not coming out of this the same, no, he has a hold on you now and he is never going to let go 

“Kenma!” You cry out as his slender cock rubs along your walls, his arms tighten around you and you moan again at the feeling of his warm skin.

“I can fuck you so much better than they could,” He whispers into your ear as he twists your leg up into an odd angle, one that makes it easier for him to dive deeper into you but also makes your muscle scream in pain. 

“W-what?” You ask, unable to focus on what Kenma is saying due to heat taking over your body. 

“You never moaned like this with them before,” Kenma mentally notes and begins to bite down on your neck, letting his thin hair tickle your jaw. “I’m going to show you how much I care about you.” 

You can only nod at his words, even if you have zero clues what he is saying, it doesn’t really matter when he’s fucking you this good. It’s like you can’t even remember your own name.

“You like that, don’t you?” He coos in amazement and tests his theory as he sits up on the back of his calves, holding you up by your waist with your legs draped over his shoulders, practically fucking you upside down. This new angle makes you feel everything, and the gravitational pull on your breasts makes you grab onto them which brings a new wave of pleasure.

“Oh, Kenma I’ve never been fucked like this before,” You mewl happily and take pleasure in the way he is quite literally rearranging your guts. Kenma smirks to himself and digs his nails into your waist, watching as you wince slightly.

“I know, I know.” He mutters quietly and continues to smack his hips into your ass, watching with heavily lust-filled eyes at the way you squirm at the sting. “What kind of filthy whore likes this kind of play?” Kenma wonders in amusement, the deep crescent moon shapes are left into your skin by his nails and Kenma starts to wonder what exactly else he can get away with you.

Tendou Satori 

Tendou,,,, ah,,, I kept thinking about this one for a while…… 

He would somehow always be able to keep tabs on you,,, even if you’re not really friends and if you go to different schools. Whether it be that he just always keeps himself updated on your social media or hears a lot about you, 

Any aspect of your life… Tendou will somehow know about it without you even realizing it… He also is very attentive with your s/o too and always keeps tabs on them as well and very soon it turns into an obsession like Tendou has to have you 

Tendou wants you so badly and all to himself, to the point that he can’t hold himself back and he needs to talk to you 

Even if you go to different schools Tendou will coincidentally run into you, it is so perfect that you’d never expect that every minor detail was planned, and he slowly builds up your friendship from there

Tendou seems like the type to be very clingy and always touching you but not to the point where you’re weirded out by it,,,, he does it in a way that you genuinely come to like…. You and your s/o probably break up because of Tendou 

I feel like Tendou would manipulate his actions so that you genuinely fall for him,,,, which works perfectly for him because now he has you all to himself

It’s like a flip is switched and Tendou goes from your caring friend to the possessive person he is, all his feelings come pouring out and he can’t help the way he treats you

I feel like when you cry it turns him on so he wants to see your tears when he fucks you,,,, Tendou plans everything he does and manipulates every aspect so you start to enjoy it and you think it is just some hot sex when really….. it is just Tendou showing you everything he feels for you 

You are literally his after this,,,, Tendou is not going to let you go,,,, and you wouldn’t want it any other way

Your elbows give out after a particularly hard thrust and you fall face-first into the mattress. Tendou grins and cockily rolls his shoulders back before pressing on the back of your head with his palm to shove your face into the sheets. You can barely fucking breathe but with the way Tendou is slapping his hips into your ass and the way his balls are deliciously slamming into your clit, you don’t care.

“You’ve always wanted my attention, haven’t you?” Tendou spits and narrows his eyes down at you. “You always wanted me to fuck you like this, I know how much you like me.” He throws out into the air and if you could nod, you would. “That little Seijoh boy can’t fuck you like this? Can he?” Tendou mocks and you moan loudly at his words. “If only he could see you now, see how good I am fucking you.”

Tendou brings his hand down to slap your ass, the arch in your back has your ass practically shoved into his face. His grin only widens when he sees how your ass jiggles for him and how each thrust has your tits slapping your face. 

“Tell me I’m the biggest cock you’ve ever had.” He twists your hair around his fist and yanks your neck so that your face is slightly up again. You take in a deep breath of fresh air and whine loudly. 

“Yes,” You cry and Tendou raises an eyebrow before slapping your ass again, laughing at the way tears fall down your face at the sting. 

“Yes, what?” He asks darkly and places his had right against your spine, right above your ass before pressing down hard. The pressure makes you sob even harder and you whimper at the pain.

“You have the b-biggest cock I’ve ever had.” You repeat and relax into the sheets when he starts fucking you again, the fast pace is something you refuse to try and even keep up with so you lay against the sheets with your eyes closed.

“Don’t fall asleep on me now (Y/N), we aren’t even close to being done.”

~

Taglist.

@yams046 @why-am-i-sad-and-sleepy @xhanjisungiex @xxashshs @chaosamu @angelkogane @augustdearly @kunimwuah  @lovellucy @osamuonigiri @pearzuko @darksxder

[of-a-chaotic-mind]

Life After Losing Him

Summary: Reader goes about their new daily life but soon runs into the best friend they had lost several months prior.

TW/CW: Platonic!Reader x Sam and Dean Winchester (mostly Dean tbh). Classmate bullying Reader. Should College Student Reader be a warning? Bc I feel like it should lmao. Lots of swearing. Dean does the silver blade test so a wound and blade are mentioned. I don’t think there’s anything else but lmk if I should add something.

Requested?: Yes, a lovely Anon said, “Hello love, your writing is really good and I love how active you are on your account it’s very impressive I could never 🥰 I would be so honored if you could do a platonic imagine for me??? I had in mind like Dean going to hell and coming back and being mad at Sam because he stopped hunting and maybe being mad at reader for moving on and going to college/not trying to help Sam? Idk if that makes any sense lol”

Word Count: 1,880

A/N: So, Dean isn’t as angry as I could’ve written him to be, I didn’t really include Sam much in this one, and it’s mostly Reader going about her day in her new life. If enough of you want it, I could write a second part where Dean and Reader get home and talk to Sam or whatever. I hope this is alright. I personally really like some bits of it but as a whole it feels off to me for some reason.

Your POV

    I grabbed the car keys off my side table before heading out my bedroom door with my backpack slung over my shoulder. I stopped in the kitchen to grab the lunch I had packed the previous evening and a thermos of coffee before heading out for another day of boring ass classes. When I enrolled at the local community college to major in folklore and mythology, I thought the classes would be more interesting and it would be a piece of cake but unfortunately, I got stuck with a boring professor who obviously didn’t even want to be teaching the class in the first place. I push the garage doors open before making my way over to the car. I open the door and drop down into the driver’s seat, set my thermos in the cupholder near my feet, and toss my backpack and lunchbox into the passenger seat. After closing the door, I sigh as I place my hands on the steering wheel, “Alright, Baby. Another day without him but I know you’ve still got my back.” I reach over and pat the dash before cranking the ignition and pulling out of the garage to head for school. The ride to school is quiet aside from the classic rock drifting softly through the speakers.  

    I manage to find a decent parking spot within walking distance of my class but have to mentally prepare myself before grabbing my coffee and backpack and stepping out of the car. I lock the doors, shut mine, and head towards class. On autopilot, I find the classroom that I need and take my usual seat near the front against a wall and turn my back to the wall as I always do. Aside from a few who like to get here early for the same reason I do, to get our favorite seats, the majority of the class hasn’t arrived yet so I pull out my notebook, pen, and coffee. I avoid all eye contact with the others in the room and label my notebook page for today’s lecture. For the most part, people around here seem to avoid me although I haven’t decided if it’s because I intimidate them or because they think I’m “one of those backwoods crazy people” or perhaps it’s both. Regardless, it suits me fine. I’m not here to make friends, I’m here to get a degree and do something useful with my new life. When he died, Sam and I both agreed to not try to find a way to bring him back and try to create a normal life. Every now and then, I secretly take a hunt but it’s usually nothing more than a basic salt and burn case. I did get a job at a local mechanic shop. They were practically begging me to take the job when I showed up for the interview in Baby.

    I’m pulled from my thoughts as a loud group of guys enter the room. I try to ignore them but as per usual their little pack leader wants to try to ruin my day. He calls out to me but thankfully before he can start something, the instructor enters and tells him to have a seat. I’ll have to give this instructor points for at least not putting up with any bullshit like that in his class. Anyway, the rest of the class joins shortly and takes their seats and, on the dot, as always, the instructor starts his lecture. A miserable hour and a half later I have several pages of notes, most of which are completely false from a hunter’s perspective, about topics I already know the truth about just so I know what the instructor will expect on the test. The instructor dismisses us so I pack away all my things and head back to the car to eat lunch before my next class.

    I’m about halfway back to the car, which is completely hidden by a huge, jacked up, 4x4 pickup truck, when the loud group of guys catches up to me and their leader calls out again, "Hey, nerd! Why don’t you stop for a second? I didn’t get a chance to take notes in class and I want to get pictures of yours.”

    I ignore him and keep my head down as I mumble under my breath, “yeah because you were sleeping,” and continue to the car. As I come around the back end of the pickup and approach the car, I slam into something, or rather someone, sturdy and nearly get knocked on my ass if it weren’t for the person catching me. Out of instinct I go to grab my dagger out of its sheath under my sleeve but the person grabs my hand, “Don’t pull that thing out here. It’s just me.” Hearing that voice causes pure shock mixed with a touch of suspicion to wash over me. I look up and into the face of my formerly, dearly departed best friend, Dean Winchester. However, before I can ask questions or even test to make sure it’s him, the small group of my classmates rounds the end of the pickup truck causing Dean to push me behind him in a protective way.  

    The pack leader grins mischievously, “Who’s this? You know this guy, nerd?”

    I roll my eyes but Dean speaks up for me, “I’m (Y/n)’s brother you little bitch. Now, fuck off and leave her alone.” In all honesty, Dean wasn’t biologically my brother but he and Sam have been the closest thing to having any siblings in general that I’ve ever gotten.  

    The pack leader looks around Dean at me, “This true?” I nod. He laughs, “Well, I don’t know which of you are driving this piece of junk but you should probably get with the times and stop driving this old rust bucket. Maybe you could upgrade to a nice truck like mine here,” he taunts patting the truck parked beside us.

    “Your attention seeking, overcompensating piece of shit on wheels could never handle the things this car has been through,” Dean argues, stepping forward. I grab his arm and tug in attempts to get him to back down, no luck.

    The guy scoffs, “Yeah right. I bet if your little friend behind you there hit a curb it’d tear this car to pieces.”

    Before Dean can get into a fist fight, I unlock the car door and shove him in before climbing in myself. Unfortunately, the asshole doesn’t get the hint that I’m leaving and leans back against Baby. I check the mirrors to make sure that I’m not going to run anyone over before driving forward out of my spot, mentally thanking whoever didn’t park there or had just pulled out of the spot in front of me, causing the pack leader to fall on his ass. I laugh to myself as I watch in the rearview mirror and then take off. I find a secluded spot on campus to park so that I can test Dean, figure out what the hell happened with him, and eat my lunch before my next class in four hours. When I put the car in park, and look over, he’s already rolled his sleeve up and has a silver blade ready for the test. He presses the blade into his arm right above another wound that looks fresh.  

    “I figure if Sam wanted all the tests done then you definitely will,” he grumbles before wrapping his arm having sufficiently proven he’s not allergic to the silver. I grab the bottle of holy water that I keep in my backpack and hand it to him. He takes a sip of it before handing it back to me. I nod in understanding before grabbing my lunchbox to eat.

    Once I’ve opened my sandwich, I take a bite, chew, and swallow before asking, “What happened this time?”

    “I don’t know, Sam’s working on that now,” he pauses, watching me, “I’d like to know what the hell happened to you.”

    “There it is again. You never call him Sam but that’s twice in just the past few minutes,” I muse, avoiding his question, “I guess you’re pissed at him because he stopped hunting?”

    “Yeah, and it seems to me like you did too so why don’t you answer my question?” he replies.

    I sigh, and toss my sandwich back onto the paper towel in my lap, “After we lost you, Sam and I agreed to not go looking for a way to bring you back and to start living a normal life. Granted, I always mentally thanked him for phrasing it that way because that meant if a way to bring you back fell into my lap then I could take the opportunity. Regardless, I got a job at a mechanic shop nearby and started classes here for a degree in folklore and mythology.”

    He scoffs and whips his head around to look out the windshield, “So you stopped hunting too. What the hell is wrong with you two?”

    “The two of us didn’t stop hunting. He did,” I snap back, “He doesn’t know it but I go on hunts every now and then when the apple pie life gets too boring.”

    “What about that asshole back there? Why do you let him bully you?” he asks, nodding his head toward where we had come from earlier.

    “He’s always trying to pick on me but I ignore him for the most part and keep my dagger in my sleeve just in case. The less attention I draw to myself the better.” I answer.

    “You’re really balancing all this? Like, you go to class and study for exams and shit but then every now and then you go hunting during the weekend?” he asks and I nod. “So, what about Sammy?”

    “He got a job, even been on a few dates but like I said, he stopped hunting, as far as I know anyway,” I respond. My phone dings before either of us could say anything else so I pick it up to check it and find that my instructor for my other class for today has sent out a message to cancel it for today. I toss the phone down onto the seat between us and stuff my sandwich and everything else I had pulled out back into my lunchbox before putting the car in drive and backing out of this spot.

    “What are you doing?” he questions, once again. I swear if he doesn’t knock it off with the questions, I’m going to roundhouse his ass.

    “Going home. My other class for today was cancelled,” I answer shortly.

    He’s quiet until we get to the campus entrance, “Can we- uh- Can we stop and get a burger on the way?” I nod as I laugh at him. This is probably going to be weird to adapt to but we’ll figure it out. The three of us always figure things out. Honestly, if this turns into something bigger, as it usually does, then wouldn’t mind quitting school. Turns out it’s not all it’s cracked up to be and definitely not for me. I just hope Dean won’t sulk too long about how Sam and I handled life after losing him.

Masterlist

Taglist: @emiijemii @akshi8278 @deandaydreaming @castiels-majestic-wings​ @desimarie12​

[phoebehalliwell]

ok, hopping off the Leo train, how about a Paige&Richard that's more than a little off the wall? Paige and Richard are a brief teen fling that ends up with twins. They don't stay together, because Richard's mother disapproves and Richard won't go against what she wants, he's weird about Paige being around his family, and he won't let the girls in his house, but he's a good dad to their daughters so Paige learns to live with it. Fast forward a few years, and Paige meets her sisters and gets (1/2)

 her powers. After the dust settles and everyone's safe, she immediately goes to Richard, because they're raising kids and he deserves to know that her new powers could affect their kids. Only she arrives at his place to find out his secret in the worst possible way: the feud got out of hand and one of the girls got hurt. After she finishes freaking out, Paige tells Richard he's not seeing the girls until the feud is over, grabs her girls and heads for the Manor all "hey meet your nieces, my ex is a witch, we need a place to stay" and they spend the night And she wakes up in the morning to Richard standing on the front porch with his new girlfriend Olivia and a brand-new marriage certificate from Vegas, begging her as a new Charmed One to be the one to break it to their feuding families that they've eloped... 

oh thank god i don’t think i could weather one more leo ask okay word paige richard past torrid love affair let’s talk. okay so i think paige would be like yeah i’m doing what’s best for my daughters bc i’m like a 20yo orphan working a minimum wage job and i’m 95% sure richard is loaded (even tho he’s never even let me in the fucking house 🙄) but whatever richard has a family he has a stable home he’s clearly the better one to raise our kids oof our kids what a phrase man i have kids oh my god i have kids i have richard’s kids that’s weird. that’s weird that’s a lot. and so she sorta. i mean she doesn’t forget i mean those are her kids she just doesn’t let that fact really occupy a lot of mental real estate she’s definitely convinced herself her kids are better off without her like she’s basically a kid herself her sobriety’s still sorta on shaky ground if she’s gonna enter their lives she wants to like enter their lives as A Mom and she’s definitely not that right now. so yeah. as stated. not a lot of mental real estate. until one day she’s brewing a potion with phoebe and phoebe’s like hey can you pass me [specific potion ingredient] and paige is like making conversation like y’know i never really liked [specific potion ingredient] it smells like my ex boyfriend and phoebe’s like lmao was ur ex boyfriend a witch and paige is like 😶. will u excuse me for a moment and orbs into richard’s driveway banging the door on the montana estate like hey it’s paige matthews i know you remember me u better open up that door and let me in or i’m gonna orb in there myself and richard opens the door like did u say orb? and paige is like yeah i did gathering you know what that means were you ever gonna tell me u were a witch? and richard’s like oh my god..... how did you die? and paige is like what no i’m a witch too a whitelighter witch witchlighter if you will now answer my question and richard’s like was i ever going to tell you i was a witch and paige is like yuhuh and richard’s like no i mean i didn’t plan on it look i don’t like being a witch i don’t practice the craft it’s not something i’m proud of do you wanna go talk about this somewhere else and paige is like what does that mean and richard’s like come with me and they arrive at this cute little loft in idk the presidio and olivia’s there with the kids and richard’s like um paige meet olivia my fiance olivia meet paige my um. ex and viola and sebastian’s mom. and both olivia and paige are sorta registering each other like. oh um. hi. nice 2 meet u. when paige’s kids coming running into the living room well viola coming running and sebastian’s chasing after her in his wheelchair bc well he only has one leg and paige is like richard. correct me if i’m wrong but the last time i saw my son he had both legs right and richards like yeah i mean like you should really get to know him he’s a total trooper really creative and paige is like richard what happened to that kid’s leg and olivia’s like you should probably sit down and paige is like richard what happened and richard’s like it was an energy ball it happened when he was one and paige is like excuse me?!?!??! are you fucking kidding me!?!???!?!?!?!!?!? and richard’s like it’s this fued it’s been going on between our two families that’s why i never wanted you in the house or getting too close because it’s dangerous and paige is like IF IT’S SO DANGEROUS THEN WHY DID YOU KEEP OUR KIDS THERE? and richard just sorta blanches bc like she’s right but he’s like i mean i was worried,, or at least i thought that the twins would be witches and i couldn’t just leave you to deal with that and paige is like huh yeah interesting point tell that to our Son who lost a limb before his first birthday! and paige is like i’m taking the kids with me and richard’s like what no you can’t that’s you can’t and olivia’s like we can drop them off at your place at four where do you live and paige is like the halliwell manor and olivia who’s a history buff is like the charmed one’s house and paige is like yeah i mean that is where the charmed ones live so and olivia’s like you’re a charmed one?? and paige is like yeah and richard’s like wait what and then he’s like hey are you saying the charmed house is a safer place to grow up in than my house don’t you guys have demons attacking all the time and paige is like well richard we’ve clearly established that your house is actually very much not safe for children so uh yeah i’ll see you at the manor 4 o clock and paige orbs home and immediately finds piper like hi you’re motherly right and piper’s like okay interesting observation and paige is like do you know how to mom and piper’s like not sure what you mean by that and paige is like idk i’ve never had to be a mom before i’m not sure what i’m doing wait oh actually FAMILY MEETING and phoebe and leo also show up and paige is like yeah so uhh in high school did kinda get knocked up did kinda have twins but i left them with their dad and phoebe’s like the witch ex boyfriend? and paige is like yeah and piper’s like the what and paige is like yeah well i thought that was a good idea at the time but it very much was not the point i’m trying to make is two second graders are gonna walk through that door in like half an hour and piper’s like paige!! blah blah blah olivia and richard end up dropping off the kids the kids r like hey who are you and paige is like oh well i’m your mom nice to meet you and the kids are like cool why is your hair a different color than mine and paige is like oh because i dyed it and they’re like can i dye my hair and paige is like sure man i don’t see why not and piper’s eavesdropping in the kitchen like paige!! and paige is like what having dyed hair is cool besides we should be teaching kids to express themselves paige initially has to orb sebastian up to his room bc well stairs so like step number one becomes making sure the house is accessible to sebastian and leo gets to go back into handyman mode which he’s hyped about and phoebe frickin loves having kids around the house and like. olivia and richard end up stopping by like A Lot bc they did spent the better part of the past decade raising those kids and the twins don’t like fully get that paige is like their mom olivia’s sorta been like a mom figure to them blah blah blah the trio end up all bonding as paige gets the 411 on the feud and richard’s like i mean not to sound fucked up but and paige is like great way to start a sentence and richard’s like i mean it’s fucked up but ever since mutilating a baby the fighting has really stopped but uhh and paige is like there’s a but! and olivia’s like the fighting has stopped but the hatred still runs deep and paige is like oh is that why you two haven’t gotten married yet and they’re like yeah 😔 our families won’t give us their blessing and paige is like oh wait is that like a magical thing like you need that before you can get married and they’re like no it’s just like a normal thing you know so your family will like be at your wedding and stuff (and pay for it) and paige is like well why don’t you guys just elope and they’re like what and she’s like yeah get married and that’ll force everyone to come to the table and then you can have a real wedding later right and they’re like i don’t think that’s how it works and paige is like yeah but you might as well give it a shot cut to like x amount of time later and olivia and richard are like okay we eloped can we please bring in some charmed back up so our families don’t like incinerate us or whatever and paige is like damn i wish i could laugh at the joke but nope so yeah we’ll be there so a meeting is called at the neutral space of the halliwell manor blah blah blah they break the news blah blah blah it does take some mediation which whitelighter leo and psych major phoebe are glad to helm and you know what it mostly gets resolved blah blah blah paige trusts richard again they end up like splitting time with the kids with probably richard and olivia taking the majority of the time at their apartments away from the estates paige is sort of less of a mom that she is like a really cool aunt but the situation seems to work just fine soon enough there’s cousin wyatt to join the mix blah blah blah and so on and so forth

[arheadbar]

Football Player Dimitri! (A High School AU~)

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March 30, 2020

A/N: Day ???? of Quarantine: I’ve lost it. I’m writing another Dimitri x F!Reader fic because I have nothing else to do and I hate myself. How many of these am I going to write? I don’t know. Although, I think these are a lot of fun to write, so I guess it’s a win-win? I might stop writing smut for the time being since my first two one-shots have been nothing but smut so I might go for something a little more vanilla, and no smut at all. I’ve been tempted to make a high school/college au fic but I really don’t know if I’m up for writing about school, plus I’m not very good at world-building even if it’s something as simple as modernizing 3H’s world and characters OTL. I might give writing an actual AU a shot, but I rlly don’t know lol, I’m kinda just rambling at this point. This one is gonna be dedicated to my friend because prom got straight-up cancelled bc of COVID-19 and she’s kinda(really) salty. And I know this isn’t prom I just thought it’d be easier to incorporate athletic dimitri if it was hoco szn y’know? Anyway, enjoy this fluff! It was actually a lot of fun to write :’))

-xo Mika

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Categories: Fluff, High School AU, Romance

Word Count: 1,350

   Your eyes roamed the large football field as you fought through the crowd to find your best friend. 27… 27… Where are you 27...? Your eyes lit up as you saw him making the run back with the ball, narrowly avoiding players from the opposing team. More of the opposing team was quickly gaining on him, but thankfully he was able to reach the goal before they got to him. You were already late to the game because of the stupid halftime preparations all because were nominated for the Senior-class homecoming court. You didn’t have too dress up too much, but you would rather look presentable when most of the student body went to these games. You only went to support your friends. Before you got to the game, Dimitri had texted you saying,

“Meet me at our usual spot, I wanna talk to you about something after the game.” The text filled your stomach with butterflies, but you tried to pay no mind to it as you continued to cheer with the rest of your friends. Your school’s team had switched to defense and the crowd began chanting, “Let’s go defense!” and you screamed until your lungs hurt. You heard someone call your name from the field and you were met with a wink from a sweaty Sylvain that was downing some water after a timeout had been called. Dimitri waved at you with a smile as he noticed Sylvain’s usual antics. The interaction only lasted a few seconds, and they were quick to put their helmets back on and disappear into the sea of players.

Before you knew it, halftime was already there, with your hair slightly disheveled despite the bandana you had it in, and the blue and white dots that you had put on hours ago was beginning to crack, but you looked fine otherwise. You stepped down the bleachers and towards the track while the cheer team’s blaring music went on in the background.

“Alright, Sylvain and Mercedes you two will be together in this car,” stated the ASB director as she frantically tried to organize the mess of teenagers and parents that stood before her.

“You and Dimitri will be in this car together,” she added as she guided you and Dimitri to the car behind your friends and she went on to organize the rest of the students that were nominated in their respective vehicles.

“Another thing, and I’m pretty sure this goes without saying, but please smile and wave or at least do something.” She groaned, and surely enough the other halftime performances had concluded, and you were up next.

You couldn’t help but stare at Dimitri in his uniform, his skin glistening with sweat in the Friday Night Lights, his blue eyes becoming a paler blue than they usually are as he smiled and waved at the crowd, his cheeks were flushed pink for obvious reasons and he was still trying to catch his breath, but you tried to avert your gaze and went back to smiling and waving at the adoring crowd. They announced your names in order of youngest class to oldest class, so obviously the four of you had been saved for last.

After that whole ordeal was done, you made your way back to the crowd, and the rest of the game went by with a blur. All you knew was that your team had won, and Dimitri was responsible for it. From what you heard, it became a rather close game, and when you stared up at the scoreboard, the team had barely managed a tie-breaker, and you were excited to congratulate your friend after you said your goodbyes with your friends in the crowd.

You made your way to your secret spot with Dimitri, but now that you think about it, it wasn’t all that secret since most of the school had dubbed it “Make-out Corner” because most couples would make their way there to eat each other’s faces off during school but at night when all the lights were out (because the school hadn’t bothered to replace them yet), it was dark, and the only thing you could really see was the shadowy figure of whoever you had brought with you. You and Dimitri had used this place on multiple occasions, whether it be just trying to find time to talk to each other or to just sit in the silence of the night together after a hectic day.

“There you are!” Said a familiar voice, and you couldn’t help but run up and hug him.

“Congratulations dumbass, you managed to carry our team again,” you teased as you punched his shoulder pads and he started to walk towards his car, which was conveniently parked in the spaces right next to the building.

“Oh, shut up, come on let’s get some food.” He replied and revved the engine of his car after he threw his gear in the trunk. This was your favorite kind of night; nobody but you, Dimitri, and whatever playlist he had in the background, but usually it was classic rock.

“Where are we going tonight?” You asked since the two of you usually ate in at the local burger-and-shake place, but this time he ordered take-out.

“You’ll see,” he replied, as he started making his way out of the city with a silly grin you could feel even as the two of you sat in the dark together with the only light sources being the streetlights that you drove by.

The drive wasn’t too long, and honestly, the view was worth it. It was a road on a hill that overlooked the city and all its twinkling lights, and it was just the two of you there…alone. You helped him lay out a blanket on the hood of his car as the two of you sat there with fry in one hand, milkshake in the other.

“So why are we in such a beautiful place in this deadbeat town?” You ask in between bites of your burger.

“Well… There’s something I wanted to tell you, and this was the only place I could think of that would help me.” He explained, having already inhaled all of his food while you were barely able to finish the last few bites.

“Wait right here.” He ordered while he rummaged around in the back of his car, and the butterflies in your stomach started acting up again. It was a few minutes before he returned, and the sight you had before you almost made your dinner come back up because of your stomach lurching at the sight of seeing him so sheepish around you.

Dimitri had managed to fix his hair that had been ruined by his helmet as he held a bouquet of what looked like blue roses in the pale moonlight as he approached you carefully.

“I know we’re going to homecoming together as friends…” He started, “But the more I thought about it, the more I realized my true feelings for you.” He took your hand carefully in his own and placed a gentle kiss on the back of it. You already knew where this was going, and you kind of wanted to slap yourself for not saying anything, but he continued, “I don’t want us to go to homecoming together just as friends anymore. I want you to be mine.”

You were speechless. You didn’t know how to respond, and your heart was beating right out of your chest. You looked at the flowers in your hand, and then back at the sheepish, innocent boy who had thought all this out just for you, all you could do was nod pull him into a hug.

“I love you.” He admitted as he placed a soft kiss on your forehead, and you pulled him by his jersey to return the kiss, but on his lips.

“I love you too, Dimitri.” You giggled, as the two of you sat on the hood of his car while you were in his arms as you watched the city glimmer in the distance.

[vespiiqueen]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the ask box of the last 10 people who reblogged something from you (if you want !! 💛💖)

Wow I rambled a lot with this but i can't add cuts bc I'm on mobile rn DHSISHSJ sorry :"))))

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1. Ik Ik "haha how cringe are you" of me to say, but honestly? Homestuck. Homestuck helped me in a time of need and when i so desperately wanted something to latch onto. Finally, I caved into my friends telling me to read it-- and it's been a blast!! The epilogues / hs^2 make me feel kinda sad though, because so much of what I loved about the original was yeeted through the nine circles of hell and into the trash. I love Y/ffany's (I call her Yippi tho) design, the art is really pretty at times, Harry is a major dork, I LIVE for seeing Vrissy bc honestly?? Her design is 10/10, very early 2000s emo style and I also live for that. Tavros is cute and a nerd and I think that's swell!

But in terms of story and how any of this happens, it makes me sad to see it happen. If Vriska could return as Vrissy, why not OTHER beta trolls? Where's my Eridan fish man, writers?? Give me the boy or perish by my fury.

2. Also super "haha how cringe are you" but,,, murder cats (Warriors), esp the early 2005-2015 amvs and stuff. I remember watching Flightfootwarrior's "I Will Not Bow" Scourge amv for HOurs and having no clue what was happening, but all these edgy kitties were KITTIES! It's introduced me to a lot of music I still listen to to this very day (Imagine Dragons, Young/the entirety of Hollywood Undead, Breaking Benjamin). And yknow what?? This new arc is absolute chaos, but in the good way.

I'm an "OG Fan". I prefer the first arc, The Prophecies Begin, to almost any of the other arcs. I just could never get into the other arcs-- not to say I haven't read them, I HAVE and the Fire Scene was probably one of my favorite moments beside grumpy Jaypaw, god complex Lionblaze, and fear the gods Hollypaw. I thought the build-up for it was SUPER satisfying. Gray Wing is my baby and I fully embellish in the Gray Wing is Silverpelt theory.

This new arc is definitely something new for the universe. While I didn't read aVoS (but I may do that if i can find the files for it), and so I don't know the major events of it other than what I've seen M.A.P.'s (Multi-Animator Projects, for clarification,,, bc unfortunately that term is also something disgusting). There's fucking cat possession and all the Clans questioning their belief system, yo. Shit be on fire.

Also the Imposter is 100% Ashfur, that's canon now, yeah??? Also im sorry but fuck Root x Bristle that's the dumbest shit I have ever seen. Give me Root x Shadow or face the wrath of my dragon plushies.

RiverClan is my Clan and my gov assigned warrior name is Fireshell 🌟🌟

3. As much as I hate the author,,,,, Harry Potter. It's been a major part of my life for as long as I can remember. I can never really remember why, but I've always just loved it- the movies, the books, the extra little merch that would pop up in my local Walmart. Of course my favorite character is Draco Malfoy. I could go on and on and ON about how I think his character arc was SHIT and JKR didn't have the balls to make him a confident gay man that was always implied through the text (at least, my lesbian ass thought it was implied but i may just be projecting, idk). I could ramble about Draco for HOURS and what I think his character SHOULD have been and how his parents are horrible (more specifically, Lucius bc Narcissa [?] Actually showed a few good moments), and a child should never have to pay for their parents sins.

Oh noo, Draco's a villain because he's a victim of major abuse and peer pressure? He's a villain because a literal child can be horrible and they'll always always always stay as a horrible little fiend?? Fuck that. He's a child.

Unlike manchild grease pan Snape, who was a racist piece of shit and shouldn't have became a fucking school teacher but it's okay because he was ~~~in love~~~. No, fuck you, he was a creep. James Potter n Co may have been a little posh bitch to you, Snape, but that's no fucking excuse to continue to bluntly be a little cunt all the way into adulthood. You're an adult who flatly changed your PATRONUS to imitate Lily's. You have no excuse. And Harry went and named his child after you LIKE JESUS CHRIST, DID RON'S SISTER NOT HAVE A SAY IN THE NAMES TOO?????

I also fully adore the idea that Muggles can run into Hogwarts and their patronus can 100% be a made up, fantasy creature. Imagine you learn the patronus spell and suddenly fucking ARCEUS comes from your wand. Imagine learning the spell and CHTULU (i did not spell that right but im so tired) comes from your wand-- an entire ass fucking Lovecraftian, Eldrith horror is just the embodiment of you. What if it was a fucking Homestuck character like Vriska? How fucking METAL would that be?? Hskajssowjjsjs get on it fandom.

4. Hee hee very evident by my url but Pokemon is another major thing of mine. While vespiquen isn't my favorite (that title goes to Hydreigon), it is definitely up there!

I've ALWAYS enjoyed the idea of Pokemon. You run around, training up these fight monsters and collecting them. I remember playing my sister's Ruby version on her flip-up Gameboy. I couldn't even read but I ran around catching god only knows how many of the same pokemon wherever she was. Apparently, I had fought for hours in the same area and leveled her Blaziken up to lvl 50 something and left her lvl 30s in the dust LMAO.

I got my first game when it was Pearl/Diamond. It was Pearl, and it still holds a very fond place in my heart. I could barely read, I could barely write-- I had named my Turtwig something along the lines of "MmorpHy" and my player boy "ZbsibJ". Yes I remember the names slightly. I really didn't get far-- I barely got to the first gym but I was just so happy to play it.

I eventually lost the game, as a 5 year old would do, but I can still vividly remember what was happening when the game arrived. I had just came back from the dentist and was quite tired from fighting the dentist bc I was super scared. Mom suddenly handed me a box and said it was mine-- my overseas (at that time) dad had bought me Pearl and my sister Diamond, because I lost my shit about it when he visited one time.

Well, tdlr, I played it for about five minutes while struggling to stay awake against the loopy gas they made me take. I fell asleep listening to Twinleaf Town's soundtrack. Every time I play a rom of Pearl and I get to where the player's house fades in and I hear that first tune of the song, I get a huge smile on my face and cry-- as.. Weird as it sounds.

A few years later, I had gotten Pokemon Black bc I liked Reshiram on the cover. Now, this one I could actually READ when playing, but I don't remember a lot of things about it. I probably lost this one too, as a 8/9 year old would do. I DO remember, I chose Snivy and my sister chose Tepig (hrmm there's a theme here of grass/fire goin on......) and vibing to the music. I was so amazed by the sprites moving, I just kept getting into encounters to see the sprites move (oh boy, no one tell younger 7-9 y/o me about Zelda......oh wait....)

Playing Pokemon NOW, as a 17 year old """gifted""" chick, I stil have very fond memories. I recently beat Pokemon Black again and GOD the OTS SLAPS. I fucking adore the soundtrack-- the track that plays when you battle a trainer, the low health dings being turned into a legit song that also slaps, the battle! gym leader themes-- and oh my gOd, the legendary theme is amazing? It really tells you just how glorious these pokemon are supposed to be. It's not intimidating like Groudon/Kyroge/Rayquaza's themes. It's not action packed like Palkia/Dialga's is, it's not filled with tension like Giratina/Arceus's is-- but it radiates the GLORY that the beasts portray. And I live for that. (Also, Kyurem's version is my favorite because it glitches in the beginning and that's rly cool)

P/D/P and BW/BW2's stories, imo, are some of the greatest ones. Yeahhh, US/USUM's is cool and I haven't played XY nor SwSh-- but the ones I can find memorable are PDP and BW/BW2. I love N. I love Barry. They're my sons. Ghetsis is fucking terrifying, Cyrus needs a hug. Giratina scared the piss out of me when I was younger, which was NOT helped by Giratina and The Sky Warrior.

I think my favorite movies are the gen 4 ones. The Rise of Darkrai having a tear-jerking theme for such a mysterious pokemon (i still tear up when i hear Ocarion), Giratina being spiteful is a mood and Shaymin was cute, Arceus being angry is also a mood. Yeah, Pokemon 4Ever made me cry my eyes out over Celebi, Mewtwo Returns made me again cry because Mewtwo accepting who he is, I remember how vastly different the BW movies are-

I just. I have a lot of memories with the series, even if Gamefreak and Nintendo kinda do the series dirty a lot (your top-grossing thing and you made That monstrosity for the Switch? How dare you.). It's comforting to be stressed and pull up my roms for the games and to play them. Mystery Dungeon is incredibly fun to play, Pokemon Ranger is really fun with the concept (Shadows of Almia continues to kick my ass to this very day and FUCK the Jungle Relic, I hate the Water Challenge fucking gyarados bullshit). I remember the pokemon I got for MD (I got Time, my sis got Darkness) was Mudkip, if that is any help.

I love my little fictional pixel monsters.

5. Yup, someone told tiny 7-9 y/o me about console games. The legend of Zelda. My first Zelda game was Twilight Princess on the Wii and BOY did I play the fucking SHIT out of that game.

Honestly, looking back and looking at playthroughs now-- I still love TP. Twilight Princess is still one of my top favorite Zelda games-- yes, even after playing OoT, Majora's Mask, Wind Waker, Skyward Sword, the anniversary four swords edition for the DS where you could play by yourself (Nintendo pls bring that back, I don't have friends to play it with ;-;), Phantom Hourglass- ect.

Something about Twilight Princess grabbed me by the head and yeeted me into the world. I can remember playing it for hours with little to no breaks. I, a tiny 9 y/o, had gotten the hang of the controllers and managed to get past the tutorial quite easily. And then, I was launched into the game and I wasn't stopping for NOTHING. Mom and Dad would have to force me to save and get off to go and eat dinner. THAT sucked.

I had done everything on my own up until the first temple, the forest temple. Not where/when you saved the dumb kid, but when you were saving the spirit's light. Theeeeeeennn I got stuck on the fucking Forest Temple for deadass six months straight. I'd play for hours, running around in circles, unable to figure out where to go, and because I didn't grasp the temple's purpose of being that way- I'd get angry and get off. It wasn't until dad looked up a walkthrough and talked me through what I was supposed to do that I learned how to get through temples.

I had gotten to the last little fight with Ganondorf before the Wii broke and i could no longer play. Despite the Wii being broke and we got rid of it, I was ADAMANT on keeping the game, and I kept that game for YEARS. It was an original copy out of a sealed box, and I eventually lost it when I left it accidentally at my now ex-friend's house.

She had a Wii and I went "hey I have a Wii game!" And I brought my Zelda over. Worst fucking choice of my goddamn life. Mom called me to come home and said I couldn't sleep over like the original plan was, and that was it. My ex-friend stashed my Zelda and I never saw it again. And, even if I wanted to-- I couldn't get it back, which makes me upset. We had a BAD falling out. She likely doesn't even remember it's there, or sold it to the local game junkie kid who buys ALL games.

But I still love the game. Midna was amazing, and I loved how snarky she was and she has a very cute design! The game's OST is fucking phenomenal. Midna's Desperate Hour makes me cry bc goddamn it really sells how serious that situation is. I love Hyrule Field's theme in this game. I love the Twilight Realm's song. Zant was fucking hilariously scary. Ganondorf's design in this game scared the piss out of me when I was younger.

Midna and this game's Link and Zelda are def my favorites. Yeah yeah, Sheik is cool and all I Guess but dhsushwishs Midna holds the special place in my heart. She was totally my gay awakening BUT

For other game antagonists, I adore Ghirahim-- let's go you funky little queer-coded villain. Skull Kid was great, I love the entire dynamic of him. Prankster lost soul stumbles upon Majora's Mask and the mask makes him act out due to powers-- which, I actually took very heavy inspiration from for one of my OCs. The moon falling to Hyrule was a fucking terrifying looming threat.

But the game series holds a place, and I've yet to be able to play BoTW-- although, I'm fairly certain I'll like it. The playthroughs I've watched of it are all fairly decent! I just. Gotta save up enough money to buy it haha.

Dang guess I gotta go watch a Twilight Princess playthrough again.

Honorable Mentions:

Avatar: the Last Airbender, specifically Book 3

my OCs definitely make me happy, they're my children and I'd ramble A LOT longer if given the chance WHEEZE

My friends, but I didn't add them here bc it's more fictional stuff, I presume

Baking. I love to bake cupcakes.

Painting is fun. I'm an artist and goddammit im going to use painting as an excuse to make a mess.

Fire. I rly like fire, down to a pyromaniac level. However, i hate the fires that happened to my home town, the Great Smokey Fires of 2016-- THAT pissed me off. How dare you burn mountain landscapes to the ground. Perish.

History. I'm a history nerd.

I'm also a science nerd.

But fuck math, I cannot comprehend math to save my life.

For some reason, I rly like learning how the human body works??? like did you know, organs are actually sticky when touched by a bare hand?? Did you?? How fucking cool is that.

Bakugan. I love Bakugan, esp the DS game. I love my Darkus Leonidas. Give me back the online world, you peasants-- I want my Darkus Dragonoid. (Also fuck all my friends from when I was in kindergarten- my theory that Alice was Masquerade was somewhat correct.)

[creepweirdo]

hi emily! yeah it’s boxing day here (i see you trying to figure out where i am haha) after a nice socially distanced christmas. i am on a break from work for a bit so it’s time for lots of food and relaxing. omg i got some much kpop content yesterday a 4 hour vlive on christmas eve, then my bias did his own vlive on christmas morning (sorry fam, i’m um busy i’ll join zoom later) and released a christmas song dfjk there are so many groups you’d never find them just from that info tho howl’s

moving castle is amazing if a bit wild on the story but i just love the world, it’s so nice and pretty. also good taste on the yunmeng sibs. i think i’m a less gremlin wwx with some hints of jc but no yanli – she’s too saintly for me haha ahh your christmas is a bit like mine, we had a morning catch up call then we mostly do our own thing. we don’t really celebrate it’s just an excuse for nice food! i hope your lunch with your friend went well! we’re still socially distancing here so i’m

meeting my bestie sometime next week in a park. (it’s so cold and rainy tho urgh). ok mdzs q - if there was a cql spin-off, which character(s) would you like it to be about? and what is one thing you wish for the next year (if we assume covid is gone asap) / your cc💜

hi classified cultivator!!!!!

HAHAHA i’m almost there lmaooo i just gotta figure exactly where in great britain. i hope you had a good boxing day!! did you buy anything with the boxing day sales 😁❤️ ahaha lots of food and relaxing 😍 soooo good. LMAOOOO that’s so funny 💀 yeah duh you have priorities ❤️ omg a christmas song!!! in four days once the reveal happens please tell me all about your faves and bias bc i’m already obsessed HAHAH. ahahah omg so true, my family isn’t religious at all, we just use the holiday as an excuse for food and presents too 💀💀 

my lunch went really well 😁 in melbourne/all of victoria we haven’t had any community transmitted covid cases for over 60ish days so we’re allowed to go out and about! i don’t know what i was thinking but i thought boxing day lunch was a thing???? and thought that it would be sooooo busy and going out would be a hassle but we were like the only people at the restaurant 💀it felt crazy hahah

that’s nice!!!! the same friend and i did a lot of picnics together when we could only go outside for one hour a day. but ahaha yeah the cold and rain 😭 tbh i would do anything to trade our climates! it’s getting hotter and hotter in australia bc it’s summer and i’m not looking forward to consistent 30-40 degree days that are going to come in january and february 💔

oooo you always have such amazing questions!! ahah. my gut reaction is wanting a jiang cheng spin off. he deserves some happiness LMAOOO. idk what it should be about specifically about 🤔🤔 maybe the during the 13 years when wwx wasn’t around and with him alone and running lotus pier and with jin ling and interacting politically with the other sect leaders. tbh i would be fine with just having just a slice of life with no real action 💀

lol this is kind of sad: ahahah  since i’m returning to uni next year, i’m wishing and hoping my back to school transition goes well! i sort of had academic burn out at the end of 2019 so i’m hoping that doesn’t happen to me again. and i’ve changed campus locations so i’m hoping that i make heaps of new friends and have a much better time on campus than i did in 2019 (the campus i was at was really small and not really one for socialisation) it’s kind of selfish but it’s what i’ve been wishing for ahaha ❤️

thank you for your questions!!! again i’m going to throw them back to you 😁 what spin off would you like to see? and what do you wish for next year?? have you seen both spin offs? (i still need to see the wen ning and wen yuan one 😳😳 hahah whoops)

[noheroes-allowed]

I hate how volatile my moods are. like I woke up feeling stressed on wednesday bc of my assignments. but then it started raining and I got out of bed really late after listening to a song I loved and the ambiance of that against the rain lifted me. and then he asked me to get dinner with everyone and I got so excited. but thursday I was tired for no reason and ate caffeine in the evening so I could enjoy dinner, which I did. and I was fine until literally midday friday when this intense sadness just washed over me. and why? friday was so non-stressful on paper. why? all I did was lay in bed and read. and then in the evening I had a slight breakdown but I didn’t let myself go through it and started doing homework instead bc I suddenly felt like I just needed to be productive and I was wasting time. this morning I tried to be functional. I went to ithaca tofu hoping to buy mooncakes but I should’ve known they would’ve been out of stock by now and bought snacks to try to make myself feel better that weren’t really worth the price. and this snack I loved when I was in china at 12 years old was on sale, and I haven’t had it since 2017 probably and I bought it for myself and yet I felt nothing. no excitement. 

the guy directing the covid test this morning asked me if I was having a good day and I said ‘I guess.’ he asked what would make it better and I don’t know. I didn’t even do anything today. all I did was cook and eat and read and walk around and do the things I supposedly enjoy and yet nothing. what’s wrong with me? why did I feel so fucking down for no fucking reason? I’m trying to understand it but it doesn’t make sense. nothing even happened. nothing fucking happened. I just. can’t fucking function and be a normal human being. 

on thursday, dhanush said something offhandedly to sergio that this was our final year and sergio better treat us well. jokingly. and idk maybe that stirred something in me. and on friday I had a dream about someone I cared about who’s no longer in my life and even in my dreams we were distant and awkward. and how jenny applied to segc and I feel like she was trying to catch me up with things about her. and how ivy made me feel like she didn’t actually expect me to take up on her offer of hanging out. and how I called maggie last saturday and we were talking about jobs and interviews and where we’ll be in a year. and maybe I’m thinking about how as the years go on, it just seems like I’m losing people so quickly. not to be dramatic but my circle just keeps dwindling, and if not dwindling, shifting in the nature of our relationships, and who do I even feel comfortable around anymore? and maybe I’m thinking about how my life is going to look like in a year. and just. what is the goddamn point of it all? these people in my life right now holding on by a string, I won’t even know them in a year. maybe I’m thinking about how transient and circumstantial everything is and ‘in this terrifying world, all we have are the connections we make.’ but what the hell are my connections? how many will I have remaining? 

I’m retroactively lonely and I’m proactively lonely. I’m goddamn lonely. there’s no one I can talk to about my day. I want to talk about stupid shit that goes on during my day. like my monday interview when my interviewer said ‘maybe I’ll see you in a conference call one day’ or the puppy wrapped up in a blanket I saw or the string lights that were hung up on the suspension bridge for one day that would’ve made it so pretty for next thursday but they’re no longer there now or the book I’m reading and how I think it may be contributing to how sad I am lately bc it’s about this group of four friends and just their relationships with other people and each other and how their bonds have changed over time and how fragile even their relationships are when they were so fucking strong in the beginning or the snacks I bought this morning and how I should be so happy eating those dumb potato chips I used to love as a kid that I haven’t had in years but I just felt like shit bc I’ve been eating and eating all day. 

I have been trying really hard lately to enjoy the little things and try to find things I love and letting myself do the things I love. but it’s hard when the thing I really want is people in my life. good people, good relationships, meaning to my life. I hate how intensely I’m feeling things right now. I think this is who I truly am. I’ve been trying to be more laid-back recently not just for school, but for life things too. and I think part of me was trying to fit into this fake it until you make it mentality. I faked it but I didn’t make it. I feel like there’s a timer on my life right now. maybe I’m thinking about that a part of me was probably trying to protect myself by concluding I didn’t want an actual relationship just bc of the timing of everything and. idk is a part of me holding back bc I’m scared? bc he’s told me what he wants. and what if I trying to de-intensify myself so I can fit into that mold. when he told me how the girl he went out with on a thursday, wanted to facetime him on a sunday and in the moment I truly thought, and said ‘that’s a lot.’ (although, maybe part of me thought that way bc they had just met.) but today, I was walking to campus to read at the grassy part above the bookstore and I just wanted to talk to him and see him. and I was acting exactly the way I thought was too much. so what does that say? am I like her? do I want what she wanted? do I want more of him then I let on? I don’t know what I want. and I don’t know what a fucking relationship is. and I can’t sort out or process my feelings and I can’t tell what’s platonic or romantic or real or fake. everything is just a fucking jumbled mess in my head. bc he’s my friend and I already want him in my life and what the hell else do I want. I think this breakdown is so poorly timed bc I can’t compound this with his rejection next thursday. but I need to tell him so I can fucking move beyond it. even though a part of me, a large part of me honestly, will miss speculating if he likes me back. bc then everything will be crystal clear. and I know this sounds fucking insane bc a part of me feels like the other time I felt this way was my last month at umd when I felt like there was a timer on my life. and objectively this timer is longer and I should still be able to enjoy the time I currently have without thinking about their endings. but I guess. I think keith is one of my closest friends right now, just due to the sad nature of my life I’ve hung out with him the most these days, but I don’t think he would consider me the same just given what I know about his circle. but I think I’m missing him already. are we going to be friends in a year? him with his (and mine) dislike for texting and his feeling that facetimes make him feel like he could be doing something else instead. I think our connection is circumstantial (like maggie’s, and ivy’s, and anyone in segc) and we will lose touch so quickly. and fuck how did I think I could do anything casual? we’re not even in a fucking relationship and I’m fucking thinking about how much I’ll miss him in a year. and now I keep second guessing asking to see him bc I don’t want to be too needy and I know he doesn’t like that but. I want to talk to him. it’s a good thing he was busy today bc I might’ve dumped like half of this post onto him in person and that would’ve been embarrassing. I’m mourning something I haven’t lost yet but I know I’m gonna lose. also a part of me can’t stomach the idea that there’s a chance he’s gonna distance himself from me so I can ‘move on’ but. that will literally hurt me more than him just not liking me back.

idk everything just piled on and I just want to stop thinking about the meaning of life and what my life is going to look like in a year, five, twenty, and my fucking relationships and my fucking lack of relationships. I just want to stop thinking so much and getting caught in my head and just be carefree and happy. why is it I can never just be content and satisfied? why do I make up these inane problems in my head? like, was I not happy two days ago at dinner? three days ago with the rain and the texts and finishing my assignments an hour and a half before I expected? five days ago when I felt like my interview went well? I was happy right? why can’t I just hold onto that?

[tslasvegas]

Episode 13: “What a depressing trip to Las Vegas” - Jaiden

I just have one thing to say.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! It worked! I didn't expect Joey to vote with us. I feel bad about that, but hey, we couldn't see him being sincere. If he told us who the others were voting for, then maybe we would have changed votes. Jaiden was open to it already. Kailyn is probably the one who voted with John for Liv. Maybe she thought he would play and idol or maybe jury management. Anyway, she should have told us. 

Joey got voted out. Which was not supposed to happen this round. Pat and Jeff are just so naive and easily to manipulate. I’m sure they could be convinced to self vote without any real effort. I don’t even want to bother working with them moving forward because of it. But I might have to. I can’t let grudges get in the way of getting to the end game. Honestly at this point I’d be happy going to F3 with Liv and Kailyn. Xavier is too nice. Jaiden is too... out there? Love him, but I don’t want to sit next to him at the end. And Pat and Jeff i just don’t think they deserve to make it that far

I still can’t believe tribal tonight was real. It’s been like six hours and I’m still in shock that Joey finally went home. Like... what??? I’ve been dealing with that dude for three weeks and I’ve held his little secret in until it finally came of use to me, and... now I’m in the final seven. The game has NOT been won yet and while I feel like cheering and celebrating, I need to maintain my focus and center myself as the game is nowhere close to being over yet. We’ve still got at least four tribals to go, but after tonight I might be able to say that I’m exactly halfway through the merge (assuming it’s a final three... dear god please be a final three). Top eight was a really hard mountain to climb and once I lost immunity I felt a little out of touch with what was gonna happen next. I really felt like my time was going to come, and I’m so thankful that it wasn’t. Tbh Kailyn might’ve gone home today had Jeff not told me about a Palazzo chat still being alive and well. I don’t know how I’m gonna turn this bad situation around again but I need to convince Keegan and Livingston to work with me, Kailyn, and Xavier. It is critical now that Jeff or Pat go home because one of them is going to win. Before Joey left, he told me that there is a rumor that Jeff or Pat have an idol nullifier. While a nullifier won’t affect me right now, it’s not something that I want to see in the game going forward period and I want to use that little piece of information to my benefit and finally get rid of Pat. I’ve been saying for SO LONG that we need to get rid of Pat and now the time is ticking down. He has to go as soon as possible, fuck whatever Jeff says. Tbh I want to fly into the final six with no votes cast against me, still. I wonder if I can get Jeff and Pat to target like Keegan or Livingston and I really just need Xavier or Kaitlyn to bring up Pat’s name first before Jeff.. I doubt they have the smarts to recognize the danger that they pose, but we will see... Keegan is DEFINITELY pissed off at me now too. I made the mistake of telling him that I was “a little annoyed” about how tribal went, which was such a dumb thing to say bc tribal went exactly how I wanted it to. I’m playing off the fact that Kailyn must’ve known abt Joey voting for Livingston because her name was on the chopping block too so that’s why it went 4-2-2 rather than 5-2-1 like it was supposed to. I don’t want anybody to know that I was playing for Joey’s advantage which I’m sure people think I have right now lmfao... Anyways really I need to just make Keegan NOT hate me because he’s still part of my plan long term (I think)... he’s really smart tho and I’m not counting him out to win the whole thing but he hasn’t really done much of anything whereas people like Jeff and Pat and Xavier have kinda done a lot... If Keegan isn’t prepared to be fully loyal to me til the end then there’s nothing I can say to him except adios. All I really need right now is an immunity run til the end. I hope that the next challenge is something that doesn’t require a lot of skill because I am INCREDIBLY anxious just thinking about a competition, live. I need final seven immunity because then I’m guaranteed top five... the furthest I’ve ever been in Tumblr Survivor by a mile. I’ll break so many of my own personal records with that one single immunity win. In fact, if I make it to final five, that will be the best I’ve literally ever done in a Skype survivor org. I haven’t done that good since April and it’s just really affirming to me that this was the right decision for me to come back to Tumblr. Aside from winning challenges and making more moves, I also have gotta start fixing my bad relationships. Like I mentioned earlier, Keegan seems REALLY pissed off at me for how things went down with him being left out of the vote again. I can only apologize so many times before I am simply unforgivable. Maybe say sorry less and work to do better??? Idfk. But if Jeff or Pat can just say Keegan’s name, I’ll do what I can to prove to him that I’m loyal to HIM and not them. I hope that the Palazzos are falling to pieces now and realize that the only way to the end is to stick by us and nobody else. Jeff was also pretty mad at me for pushing his buttons a lot today. But honestly he was feeding me utter bullshit. I don’t buy that he was my savior and guardian Angel today, protecting me from having my name come up. I should honestly tell Livingston that Jeff sold him out to me not too long after Livingston said my name in their little chat. That would be hilarious. Kailyn and I are pretty close, but it could be better. I think I tend to revert all game-conversations with Xavier, so I don’t consider Kailyn my main ally unfortunately. If I want to go to the final three with her and Xavier, I need to really work on building that GAME relationship up because as a person I think we vibe well but it’s gonna come down to a couple factors and if she *has* to be sacrificed for me to get further, I can’t do anything but let it happen unfortunately.. As I just said, Xavier is kind of my main strategic ally right now which is super weird to say. He has definitely stepped it up A LOT in the strategic department and I have a lot of respect for him just as a person and I want to try and pick his brain a little bit more. The only thing with Xavier is that he seems to be playing really “safe” right now - I think had the opportunity presented itself to vote for Jeff with Joey, Xavier wouldn’t have gone for it and would’ve wanted to stick strong with voting Livingston instead. Which I totally get, but this game right now kinda requires we make bolder decisions than just what kinda didn’t work last time, you know? Okay now for Pat - god our relationship is just so weird. I have virtually not ties to Pat except the one alliance with Jeff and I feel like Jeff wants to control Pat rather than let Pat be his own player. It’s weird. I wonder if Pat would be down to vote out Jeff but fuck it’s gonna be hard to pull that off. I don’t want to hold off on Pat BECAUSE if I can’t get him out next, I will need him at final six and hopefully final five to serve as a sacrificial lamb or something. I’m wondering now if maybe Livingston needs to go because people are gonna always view Pat as a huge threat to win, even though he might not necessarily do so if he gets there. Livingston... yeah I really don’t like Livingston lmfao. I think it’s because of his super close connection to Rachael but it might also be because he is like, cool and nerdy and a bit of a try hard “around camp” so to speak. What REALLY gets on my nerves about Livingston is that he possesses zero of the charisma to convince me that he sucks at this game but enough social finesse to make me think that he’s actually gonna win if he gets to the end. He’s like, that cool dork everybody was friends with in high school. Even though parts of his game have been lackluster as fuck, he’s still a massive threat to win and I might just need to kick him off to the jury as soon as possible. :) And finally... me! I’m gonna try hard to be unbiased and self-aware but it’s so difficult to do that bc I genuinely don’t know how ppl are perceiving me this time.. I THINK it’s mostly positive but tonight was definitely one of my most negative episodes bc of how stressful I was being before tribal. Just ask Jeff. I think I’m definitely succeeding in getting votes to go my way and I have had a LOT of things go right for me since the merge. From Stephanie leaving right when I needed her to, to the double removal, to the super idol coming out and getting rid of Joey... It’s been so good so far. BUT I’m not being subtle about it. Subtlety is not a strength of mine that’s for sure.. I think I succeeded in being “subtle” about the Steph thing bc I was not making it overly obvious I wanted her out but otherwise I’ve been very clearly controlling other decisions and how certain votes went. Leaving two people I don’t trust in the game (Pat/Jeff) is tough but at least I worked with them on something, right? Joey was telling me so much that he was gonna lose to me and I think he was right. Now Jeff is saying that he’s probably going to lose if we’re in the end, but he doesn’t want to vote me out. Do I trust that? Not really... But fuck, I don’t even know anymore!!! I think if the game was over right now, I’m going to be grilled to DEATH for being fake as hell to Joey. I think that’s gonna come back to bite me so I need to start talking POSITIVELY about Joey to EVERYBODY. Read him for game, not for personal reasons. And maybe I’ll even talk his game up going forward just so that the person who goes into jury at least relays that I made a “good move” voting for Joey to leave (even tho I didn’t vote for Joey hehe). I wonder if people think I’m just playing tjem as pawns and not as real people.. bc these are definitely real people we are playing with here and I recognize that, but honestly in my mind nobody here wants this as badly as me. If that makes me the villain, I’m fine being the villain. But I’m not a human being that will ever play this game with a passion to play humanely. I want to win so badly. I’m going crazy in my own head, the wheels turning in hyperspeed. I’ve never been hungrier for something like I am for this win... I can hold out another year in this environment if I have to. I can and I will 🤠

Darn third world slow internet connection! Anyway, it made others look like challenge threats more than me, so hopefully that gets me through more rounds if they think other people can win more :) 

That was a very stressful and very tense immunity challenge. Jeff was the clear front runner for the first five rounds, being the first person to advance in all of them. He’s a quick typer which made me very worried I wouldn’t be able to pull off a win. However, the last round was “Name That Song” and with the help of Siri, I snagged the immunity necklace! Final 6 here I come! This round presents me with an interesting dilemma. Since I have immunity I can be a little more ballsy. So I could throw Jeff or Pat under the bus, try to sway Jaiden, Kailyn and Xavier to vote one of them out. Or I can stick with the OG Palazzo group that is saying (for the fifth time I might add) that they want to stick together. That hasn’t worked out at all yet this merge and we’ve voted 4 people out. Pat and Jeff seem pretty interested in targeting Xavier for being a social threat which I don’t disagree with. But Jaiden is a very strong player. This is one of those rounds where I’m insanely grateful to have immunity because there’s also a bunch of advantages out there. I know Livingston has a regular idol now. But there’s vote steals and extra votes and idol nullifiers out there somewhere and that’s so nerve-wracking. Also, Jaiden mentioned to me that this is the last round for a lot of those advantages and I just don’t think I buy that. Final 7 is a weird place for that. Regardless, I’m fully expecting this to be a wild and crazy tribal tomorrow. Can’t wait to see what happens because I get to sit there looking pretty with my new bling. Xoxo Gossip Girl

I am terrified of tribal today and I have a bunch of different ideas in my head but I just want to survive. Kind of where I am at is I feel like I am getting 7th no matter what because I have never tasted top 6 in an ORG. I could play an idol here at 7, waste it, and then just get fucked at 6. One thing I thought about was "finding" the idol part of the way through tomorrow and then letting OG Palazzo know to build trust. The only issue with this is that the idol nullifier is in play. It could still be on the board. It was on the board when I got my auction advantage. But if it isn't, and Pat and Jeff turn on me, I could be fucked idol or no idol if the nullifier is played. I suppose that Pat and Jeff have both never voted me as far as I can tell, unless I have miscalculated one of the vote counts for the past 2 tribals. Maybe it'd be safer to hold onto the idol quietly and just hope I don't leave with it in my pocket. This is so stressful because if I leave with it in my pocket, I look like an idiot that had the luck to get two advantages but couldn't traverse the game much past that. 

Okay so, Jeff is my closest ally at this point. Voting out Joey was our move and I am very happy we did. I don’t express the anger that I’m feeling and I think that helps keep my relationships good with people. I think I’m good with Livingston and Keegan and also Jaiden and Kailyn. I was Xavier out this round but I feel like something is going to happen. No one knows I have an idol which is amazing and I hope I don’t have to use it til final 5 and I have immunity and can play it on someone else for the fun of it. I can’t believe I made final 7 and am actually kicking up playing the game by voting correctly on Joey. I think so far I have 2 of the 4 votes at final tribal council, Andrew and Steph. I think I have a road there, I just hope I make the right decision because I’m still in I a weird phase of the game and anything can happen. 

This tribal feels very weird. Jaiden is insisting he hasn’t heard anything at all about the vote. Which I find very strange considering he’s basically been running things most of this merge. Why would suddenly no one tell him anything? Especially Kailyn and Xavier. Seems like those three are fairly open with each other. I could not be more happy to have immunity this round. No matter what happens, I am safe and have not a thing to worry about. I really really hope that Pat and Jeff are being honest and actually voting for Xavier like they say they are. If they’re flipping and voting for Livingston.... I don’t even want to imagine that. But I’m getting some sketchy vibes. Fingers crossed it’s just me being paranoid, though any time I say that something unexpected happens.

Ok I'm calling it, I'm going home tonight ! Literally nobody is telling me anything and it's really quite pathetic to see Keegan, who says we're super cool and good friends and will be friends once this is all over, win immunity and then not make a single attempt to pick me up and flip me to his side. Unless he's so confident that the Palazzo four will stick loyal to the very end... which they probably will, but Jeff is gonna beat all of them in the end and I think they see me as a big threat or something LOL I guess it's good gameplay for them but I hate it either way. I don't really have a lot to say bc now I just feel dumb. I wish I had an idol, but of course, I do not. Anyways, I'm going to have to stick with the fact that people are voting for Xavier tonight and hope my name doesn't come up at all. I'm going to lie and tell Xavier that I'm certain its me or Kailyn tonight and hope he holds an idol if he has it... or plays it on me heh. We'll see though... What a depressing trip to Las Vegas if it ends like this. 

The last Confessional :( 

[robinskalechip]

home - chapter ten

robin buckley x reader

a/n: thank you for all of the positive feedback :) it means a lot

warnings: language, light smut

masterlist

not my gif!

chapter ten - at your own will

sofia and robin had spent the last two weeks getting to know each other more and more. sofia took robin to school and picked her up and hung out with her at the store on the days she wasn’t with the kids. once they found out about her going to see the byers they all immediately begged to go with, turning it into a full fledged family trip as long as they didn’t ruin the surprise that they were going which only joyce knew about. they had to push it back a week from its original date though because they had an av event that weekend and sofia would never pull her children from their passion.

it was the friday evening before they all went on the trip and sofia had gone to drop off food for steve and robin. steve’s only concern was the tacos he had in front of him while robin had other things on her mind. as much as she saw sofia, she remembered how much she missed her.

she missed her touch

robin watched as steve was munching on his four large tacos until she redirected her attention to sofia, motioning her to follow her

robin led sofia into the storage room which housed supplies of all varieties

sofia walked in to have robin close the door immediately after her entering

“what are we doing here-“

she was cut off by robin slamming her lips into hers, pushing her again the now closed door

robin reached her hand behind the other girl’s body and found the doorknob, locking it

the kiss was heated and passionate and only intensified as robin pushed harder and moved towards sofia’s neck

the two had only ever made out a lot and i mean a lot like every single time robin goes to sofia’s apartment they make out like its nobody’s business sofia was more experienced than robin and was making it her mission to take things slow with her, she didn’t want this one to be like any of the other relationships she had been in. and she told robin this, their entire relationship past their first sober kiss was handled with perfect communication on each party. robin was just a horny teenager and was constantly wanted to touch the girl she had been spending so much time with

robin kissed the other girl’s neck and they both tried to keep quiet. sofia smiled as robin “worked her magic” so to speak, causing a small moan to escape from sofia’s lips, “come over tonight”

robin stopped, looking at the other girl, “for-?”

sofia nodded

robin smiled and kissed her once more before pulling back, “can’t wait”

the two kissed a few more times before they opened the door to see steve standing there with a mouth full of tacos haha “mike is here”

he was still only focused on the taco cutie

robin and sofia were slightly blushing as they walked past steve and saw mike standing behind the counter

“just wanted to stop by and call shot gun for tomorrow”

robin quickly stepped towards him in a defensive way “uh no, front seat is mine”

mike protested “sofia? tell her its mine”

sofia enjoyed seeing robin interact with the kids “rob gets the front seat kid”

mike started to storm out of the store as sofia yelled “7 O CLOCK DONT BE LATE IF YOU WANT TO SPEND AS MUCH TIME WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND AS POSSIBLE”

the three older ones laughed as he stormed off, robin said she’d meet sofia at her apartment after work so they parted ways for those next few hours

once the end of steve and robin’s shift ended, robin started to get her bike before steve offered to take her home. she warned him that she was going to sofia’s and that she just needed to drop by her house for clothes and he still insisted.

on the ride robin began talking to steve about sofia, “you know i really cannot for the life of me understand how and why sofia was friends with you and all of them”

steve began to talk in a playfully defensive tone, “listen her and i, were practically married in kindergarten”

robin laughed, “you’re kidding”

“nope nope not at all, our parents were convinced we would date later on but just never happened. we saw each other almost every day our entire childhood’s and never once even kissed or anything, guess i wasn’t her type”

robin laughed to herself, seeinf the irony

steve laughed, “she wasn’t even friends with them, she was just friends with me. she HATED tommy more than anything and she said she wanted to knock carol out every time she opened her mouth but it was ok because she was cool with me”

robin smiled thinking back to a rant sofia had about how much tommy h annoyed her

“she made me a better person rob..it was different when she left”

robin furred her brows, “why did you stop being that person?”

“i was angry and confused and cared more about my reputation than actually talking about how i felt so i went on to being a douchebag”

“did you love her steve?”

“yes. she was like a sister to me. she still is but i got over her leaving and i still don’t know why exactly she left but i trust her. she knows better than any of us do”

once they arrived at robin’s house, she ran up to her room and grabbed the bag she had packed the night before and placed some extra clothes in for the night

steve and robin continued to talk about some of his happiest memories with sofia

once they got to sofia’s apartment, robin thanked steve for the ride and off he went to hang out with the boys aka mike lucas and dustin

robin knocked on the door and on the other side she heard yelling “ITS OPEN”

she opened the door to find sofia in the kitchen

she had on small shorts and a pullover sweatshirt with the name “illuminous” sewed onto the pocket area in a small font

the beautiful girl was also occupied by her thin framed glasses and her hair up slightly, as much as her hair could go up because of how short it was

she was stirring a pot as she told robin “you can put a movie in if you want”

robin nodded before approaching the girl to kiss her neck and then whisper “that smells good” in the pot was a small portion of pasta, just enough for two

sofia turned her face to meet robin’s and kiss her gently, “stop distracting me freckles”

after eyeing the cuisine a little longer, robin went a found one of her favorite film, a streetcar named desire which she knew was also one of sofia’s favorites so she started to set it up as sofia called her into the kitchen and asked her to get plates and what not set

domestic

robin set the table and poured two cups of italian cream soda

once the pasta was finished, sofia placed the pot onto the table and admired her work to then turn to robin “if it blows i’m blaming linda”

the two ate and talked, tonight’s topics were whether or not truman capote was in love with perry smith, how long lucas and max would last until their next fight, and what movie genre was the best

after they ate, robin layed on the couch taking up almost every inch before sofia made her way to the area, giving robin a displeased look “you left me zero room rob”

robin looked at her and scooted slightly into the couch’s back cushion

sofia walked towards the television and took out the movie, “fine, we can watch it in the bedroom”

robin got up and followed sofia into the singular bedroom of the apartment and jumped onto the bed as sofia put in the movie and quickly followed robin into the bed

they cuddled right away bc softies

about an hour into the movie robin looked at sofia as she was watching to movie closely, even though she could feel robin’s eyes on her and began to laugh “what?”

robin smiled at her, “nothing, you’re just..”

sofia looked at her, “im just what?”

robin didn’t even finish her sentence before going to kiss the other girl who had previously claimed her shoulder as hers before pulling away to finish the mystery “you’re beautiful sof”

sofia smiled into the next kiss “you’re not so bad yourself buckley”

robin’s hands found their way to sofia’s neck as she deepened the kiss and positioned herself onto sofia’s lap

robin took off her shirt to reveal the black bra she had worn to which brought out a “holy shit” from sofia as she continued to kiss robin and quickly began to move to her neck. although it was intense as things began to escalate more and more, robin felt safe and was aware if she felt uneasy at any time sofia would respect her take notes

sofia pulled away from her neck to then place one more gentle kiss to robin’s lips before whispering,

“anche tu sei bella you’re beautiful too”

next chapter

[beanarie]

⭐star⭐⭐star⭐⭐star⭐⭐star⭐⭐star⭐ (or talk more about and/all of your Elementary WIPs/ideas bc I want every single drop I can get)

so i totally wrote about joan having breast cancer a couple years ago. here’s the bits i cobbled together, some of which also disappeared from my phone, which tells me i need to back my shit up more often!

~

The call comes while her stitches from her lumpectomy and lymph node removal are still in place and hurting like a mother and she's only too aware of Sherlock, his terror an acrid smell in her nose. She's told it's not what they hoped, but it's not hopeless, and she barely pauses at all before she looks at Sherlock, smiles, and says, "It's fine."

He's so grateful he takes her out for lunch. They go to a cafe with an outdoor area that he knows she's been eyeing for months.  She orders a giant salad with extra pecans and he wrinkles his nose before telling a story about Thomas Jefferson's penchant for giving pecans as gifts.

The call comes while her stitches from her lumpectomy and lymph node removal are still in place and hurting like a mother and she's only too aware of Sherlock, his terror an acrid smell in her nose. She's told it's not what they hoped, but it's not hopeless, and she barely pauses at all before she looks at Sherlock, smiles, and says, "It's fine."

He's so grateful he takes her out for lunch. They go to a cafe with an outdoor area that he knows she's been eyeing for months.  She orders a giant salad with extra pecans and he wrinkles his nose before telling a story about Thomas Jefferson's penchant for giving pecans as gifts.

[the truth comes out in a week or so!]

"We should talk about this."

He closes the file in his hand and tosses it on the stack. 

"I-I'm sorry I kept you in the dark. I needed to get the full results and figure out what to do next, without... I don't know. Background noise."

"It's not that serious. People with results like mine have a ninety-three percent chance of remaining cancer-free after treatment. Really, it's barely cancer." 

"I mean, yes. Several weeks of radiation, sprinkled with tests and maybe a PET scan or two. Still, not particularly life-derailing. I'm going to work. The only real change will be to my availability. And I won't be able to leave the city, except maybe on the weekends. Overall, we'll simply get more use out of face-time than we did before."

A series of short, shallow nods urges her to let the other shoe drop.

Joan adjusts her gaze to slightly beyond his left ear. "I've asked Lin to help me find a place to sublet for the next two months."

His only reaction is the barely perceptible droop of his shoulders.

"I'm not leaving you." The first time she meant to leave the brownstone, he abducted a contract killer, then tortured and stabbed him. The second time, he went back to London for almost a year with no notice beyond a short Dear Joan letter. She can't handle one of his signature extreme overreactions. "Sherlock, it's really important you absorb that, if nothing else."

"But you do plan on leaving."

"It's the least disruptive option for both of us. And it's only temporary."

[the next day, joan gets home and in the library there's a stack of books, dvds, and cd's on wellness-type things and other stuff, like a giant fluffy orange blanket on the couch. sherlock explains he did some research, orange is a calming color. also OK HE RESPECTS HER CHOICES but. she's not a disruption, she's family. also also moving is one of the most stress-inducing acts a person can put themselves through and it wouldn't be good for her recovery to do that twice in as many months. anyway, she stays.]

"We should formulate a safety plan."

Joan finishes the line she was working on and clicks save so she doesn't have to end up doing this report all over again. This has his second sponsor written all over it. Rashida, having completed her PHD, has been taking classes in behavioral science possibly with an eye for a new specialty. She means well, and she and Sherlock get each other like a pair of esoteric intellectuals only could. It's still strange to get confirmation that he talks about her illness with other people. "A safety plan."

"Yes! A short, memorable list of agreed upon actions in the case of emergent medical and/or emotional, um, turmoil."

"We never had a safety plan for you."

 "Didn't we?"

"Fine, so you'll let me pass out wherever I drop and just leave a protein bar by my head so I don't die of hypoglycemic shock when I wake up two days later."

"That's all you did?"

"So I'll let you know if I'm not feeling well and up to whatever's going on." His expression is unreadable, which is rare. "What? You implied pretty heavily that you wanted me to."

Incomprehensibly, his expression becomes almost sad. "That's why you remain so closed off, because of my history of resistance to..." 

"Okay, this conversation swerved past making sense. I tell you things all the time. This morning, with your cereal?"

"When *truly* bothered, you keep it to yourself and speak to no one, unless I draw it out of you."

"I speak up when I have something to say. And, I will."

-

"Have you considered cutting your hair?" 

"I'm not getting chemo, Mom. I told you."

"I know. It's just so much to take care of. My cousin Darlene, she had radiation. It drained her. You'll be tired."

"You've always wanted me to cut my hair."

Her expression grows softer, more wistful. "I do like it shorter." 

"I remember." Ruefully her entire catalogue of school photos scrolls through her memory. Mom's rule had been adamant and easy to follow: Never past the chin. "I'm not doing that again."

"Okay. Your choice." 

Joan doesn't rise to the hint of passive-aggression. 

A few hours later, she gets home from treatment, she takes a shower, and she tries to see tonight playing out in a possible near future. She adds imaginary weights to her wrists and ankles, and the almost unbearable weariness after watching a murderer get to go home scot-free. 

"Fine," she tells her reflection. 

She puts her mom on FaceTime, so she can see the results.

Her mom squints. "You didn't cut that much."

"Four inches." Just enough so she doesn't have to strain to get the brush through while she's blow drying.

“Hm.“

“Anyway, I’ll see you Thursday for tea, Mom?“

-

Lord save her from aspiring criminals who think they're too cool for the interrogation room. Anthony Raymond has been stonewalling them since Bell brought him in. What makes this especially annoying is he won't even ask for a lawyer. They'd tell him to spill his guts, or at least start negotiations for a deal. This nothingness isn't ideal when she has to take off for treatment soon. If she doesn't get this nut cracked before she goes, it'll be hanging over her head for the rest of the afternoon.

The door opens. Anthony doesn't move a muscle. Gregson enters bearing an extra-large fountain drink, a pen, and a piece of paper. He sits, thoughtfully configuring these objects around his immediate space. It takes a full thirty seconds, during which he doesn't acknowledge Anthony at all. He slides the paper toward Joan.

'Paige made you a smoothie. Not sure what's in this, but she swears by it.'

Joan glances at Anthony as though she learned something important, then looks back at the note. "Hm." She takes the pen. 'I'm good. Thank you both.'

'Holmes said you haven't really eaten yet.' He pushes the drink about an inch in her direction.

Joan makes two straight lines, one each for 'I'm' and 'Good'. 

[perp eventually cracks because their note-passing is freaking him out]

[slightly later, joan brings the smoothie into gregson's office. he asks what she thought of it. she says "i didn't try it" and throws it in the garbage.]

-

It's Saturday, the end of her first week of treatment, and there aren't any murders. Joan texts the guy she liked from TrueRomantix, the one who came to check that she was safe when Everyone doxxed her and hacked her profile. He's still cute. She can't remember exactly why they didn't sleep together the last time, something about it not feeling right. Meanwhile he fosters seeing-eye dogs and he has the best pectorals she's ever seen.

She takes off her bra, but leaves the camisole. It's dark in his bedroom, but not too dark for either of them to see her scars or the semi-circle constellation of radiation tattoos. At one point she guides his hand underneath to her right breast. When he goes for the left, she distracts with a move that almost has his eyes bugging out of his head.

"Wow," he breathes.

When they're done, he doesn't push her to leave *or* ask her why she isn't staying. They'll be doing this again sometime.

-

[another patient in the waiting room at the radiation clinic starts having a medical emergency. joan immediately jumps forward to help and the patient's mom looks at her like who the fuck are you. it sticks with her the whole rest of the afternoon.]

She's been in a position where people have doubted her expertise before, many times. But never because she was meant to be on the other side. She's a patient, that's her role now.

Briefly she considers lying. The Uber app is acting weird, something like that. She settles on a simple, 'Are you busy?'

She gets her reply in less than thirty seconds. 'Need a ride?'

When Marcus arrives at the clinic, he touches her arm and kisses her cheek, a note of intimacy between close friends. It feels natural, even though his customary greeting, usually at crime scenes or the bull pen, is a brusquely friendly "Hey." They communicate mainly in nods and smiles intended only for each other, cups of coffee as close to the way they like it as limited resources will allow. 

After they settle into the car, he doesn't turn the engine on right away. He waits, unobtrusively.  

"I don't want to disrupt any plans you might've had for today," she says.

He lifts one shoulder. "Just a pickup game. Nothing I can't put off for another week."

"Actually..."

He turns his head. "Hm?"

She was warned not to expect anything fancy. No bleachers, not much crowd. Kids of varying ages drift by, many popping in and out of the tiny storefronts. 

She can't remember the last time she simply existed in public when she wasn't jogging or staking out a criminal. The open air feels refreshing. Not one of these people care that she used to be a doctor.

After the first quarter, she asks to borrow the chair of a guy selling hats, scarves, and phone chargers from a folding table. He was spending most of his time at the halal cart talking to the man stuck inside anyway.

-

The chair is comfortable. The lighting tasteful. Joan's shoes feel fine. The mid-level exec at the other end of the table isn't stonewalling in the slightest. His voice could almost be called soothing. 

All those other things aside, if this meeting doesn't end in the next few minutes she is going to jump out the window. 

Her knee bouncing, she shifts her upper body in a way that's hopefully not that visible to anyone else. It doesn't help, in fact the resulting movement of her bra over her left boob makes her want to scream.

"We appreciate your elucidation on Mr. Wallach's movements last Tuesday." Joan nearly bites her lip at the growing light at the end of the tunnel. "Now if you could tell us about the lawsuit from three months ago. Sexual harassment, was it not?"

Joan gets to her feet with a repressed groan. Then she runs for the receptionist. "Restroom?"

She's just stepped inside the single stall and slid the lock into place when she hears the deathly urgent, "WATSON???"

She curses fluently inside her head and undoes the lock, just in case. "Sherlock! I'm o-"

And he's barreled through the open door.

"What the hell!" She pulls together the unbuttoned half of her shirt. 

"I thought-" Over Sherlock's shoulder, a security guard starts coming into view. "What-what are you doing?"

"Sorry." Her face will probably remain this garish shade of red for...ever. "I'm, uh, peeling. Itch is driving me crazy."

He blinks, adrenaline making him shake slightly and keeping him from comprehending. "What?!"

"The only emergency right now is my imminent death by mortification." Her left hand tightly curled to protect her modesty, she makes a shooing motion with her right. "Go away."

He turns toward the door, then stops. "I've done the reading. If you have developed a rash, or the beginnings of dermatitis, scratching is highly inad-"

"OUT."

-

Lin greets her at the bar in her signature neurotically enthusiastic way. After tilting her head a little, she agrees to sit at a booth rather than stay near the bartender, where she loves to try out her charms to get free drinks for the two of them.

"I've never seen you go hard like this." She's waiting on the server to bring her second martini and Joan's third whiskey. "You look tired."

Joan waits until after the drinks have arrived. "Thanks, I had cancer."

"What?"

"Had," she repeats. "Had. As of yesterday, it's past tense. When I'm done with this course of radiation, I'll be free." She knocks on the table. "Until the follow-ups." 

Lin gets up to go to the bathroom without a word. Joan downs her drink and orders another round. To Lin's credit, she beats the server back to the table.

"So those times you said you couldn't meet up because you had cases..."

"One, oncologist appointment and two, actually a case. Sorry."

"You told your brother, didn't you?"

Because Joan is three drinks in, she doesn't hold anything back from her eyeroll. Her siblings having no relationship with each other is not on her. "That's different."

"Because he's real."

"Because he lives two hundred miles away! I didn't have to see...that. That expression, in my face, all the time."

"You could've died and I would never have known you were sick."

Joan snorts. "I was never *dying*." There was that period between her biopsy and the results of her lumpectomy, when decades-old memories of various patients, poor souls fading in front of her eyes, resurfaced every hour. Lin didn't need to be there for that.

"Look." Joan kisses Lin noisily on the cheek. "I just got the best news of my life and I wanted MY SISTER here with to celebrate being Officially. Cancer. Free!"

A table of young men nearby let out a cheer. Lin smiles in spite of herself.

-

Joan wakes up naturally. 

She spends a few minutes watching him. Many people say they'll sleep anywhere, but Sherlock actually will. And he never shows a single sign of stiffness or back pain. She envies him that, even as she acknowledges that she'd still prefer a bed, even if there were no consequences to sleeping on the floor. 

"Is this just the first time I caught you?" Her voice is husky from sleep. 

He springs to his feet. "Oh!" He runs off, returning no more than six minutes later with breakfast.

After placing the tray on the bed, he stands at her side, stiff and silent like a brooding Lurch. "What, no speech?" she teases.

He takes in a shaky breath. "It has been quite some time since I lost the ability to imagine a life without you in it. Gratitude isn't sufficient enough to describe how it feels to know this is a concern I can put off for another day."

"Oh, Sherlock." 

"These past few weeks have been fraught, for you." She gives a start. This has taken an unexpected turn. "Full of pain and fear, the reopening of old wounds. You've conducted yourself so admirably. My respect for you, which had appeared to reach its zenith years ago, I find had untold heights yet to climb." He leans toward her, his hand cradling the back of her head while his lips press against her hairline. 

He disengages, turning his back and she makes a tentative grab for his hand. He freezes in place, not resisting. "I love you, too," she says thickly, shoving aside tears.

Joan doesn't remember having done anything remotely admirable. She's been tired and snappish, she forced everyone to cater to her, she stopped doing her fair share of the work. The one person she tried to help didn't need her. It's been weeks since she felt like she existed for any worthwhile reason. 

Maybe that's why it's good to see herself through his eyes, just this once. She squeezes his hand, then quickly lets go, taking pity on him. Plucking the cloth napkin from the tray and pressing it against her eyes, she laughs. "So this was your plan for my last day? Get my face all blotchy just in time to go in there and say goodbye to all those people?"

"What does it matter? You'll never see them again.

[baljeet]

in which baz yeets to cairo to avoid simon

or, a snowbaz high school au featuring a kiss that wasn’t supposed to happen, fall out boy, and snowbaz as oblivious gays™

word count: 2328

First of all, my date with Samantha was a mistake. Of course, I didn’t think it was a mistake at the time. She’d caught me off-guard after class one day, and I didn’t realize that dinner on a Friday qualified as a date until we were staring awkwardly at each other across the table at a decidedly grimy Italian joint, and she nearly threw her water glass at me when I said, “So, shall we split the bill?”

Needless to say, Samantha and I don’t speak much anymore. I suppose that’s a good thing—but really, it was nice to have the distraction from some of the more difficult things in my life.

Namely, the fact that I see Simon Snow every day, and he still wraps me in an infuriatingly casual one-armed hug like we’re best bros on the football team. Not that Simon Snow would be caught dead playing football, but that’s beside the point. The point is that I’ve known him for years, since we were both in middle school and I somehow wound up at his lunch table with nowhere else to sit one day, blasting Fall Out Boy on my iPod shuffle and pretending like I wasn’t looking at him smile. I wish I could wax poetic about how I’ve come a long way from then, say some profound shit about how much I’ve grown, but really—

It’s four years later, we still eat lunch together, and I’m still blasting Fall Out Boy and trying to sort out this knot in my chest they like to call emotion (for what it’s worth, however, I’ve graduated to an iPhone). He knows everything about Samantha, though, which was definitely a gutsy move on my part. But something in me is waiting for that moment when I go too far and he calls me back. Scratch that, I realize two days after that disastrous date, staring at the wall because it’s better than looking in the mirror at the confusion in my eyes. He knows everything about Samantha except why I’m leaving her.

Because despite it all, despite the time and the relationships that have come and gone, despite everything that’s happened in these past four years—

I’m hopelessly in love with Simon Snow.

I’ve written about it a thousand times, everything from poems to stories to haikus, and one day I even made a playlist (featuring exactly zero Fall Out Boy songs) for him, but my finger always hovers just above the send button. When did something so small and hospital-blue become so intimidating?

Simon, of course, is completely oblivious. He has no problem hitting that button, sending me random thoughts he has throughout the day, something he thought was funny and wanted to share, the occasional meme—normal friend stuff.

I wonder what it’s like to text without over-analyzing every character.

But it’s something I’m going to have to keep wondering, because I’ve been staring at my phone for the past hour or so, trying to figure out the best way to tell Samantha that while I appreciate her asking me out, it’s not a relationship I’d like to pursue. A sentiment that sounds nice enough in my head, but every time I try and type it out, it reads: ur cool but i’m kind of in love with someone else. and that someone else is a guy so uh have a heart ig and don’t hate me bc i have to sit next to you in bio every day for the next 6 months. Sending a text like that, however, would be disastrous. So I don’t.

Instead, I find her after class on Monday, and say, far too quickly, “Friday was fun but I don’t like you.”

“What?” she replies, stopping in her tracks.

My first thought is that now we’re those irritating kids in the hallway who just stop for no reason, and we’re probably holding everyone up, and it’s only when she says, “Um, Baz?” that I realize she’s asked me a question.

“I don’t like you. Like that. I mean. We can still be friends. If you’re chill. We’re chill, right?” I’m speaking in fragments; it’s probably incoherent, but she seems to get it. Or at least, it looks like she does.

She nods. “Sure. Friends.”

“Perfect!” I reply. “I’m so glad we worked this out.”

Samantha doesn’t reply, but the hallway is too crowded for her to slip away, so we continue to walk side by side. The silence is palpable, and I debate whether or not it would be rude to put my earbuds in until it’s too late because I see my bus.

I practically barrel over to the kid I sit with—I forget if his name is Jack or John—and strike up a conversation. “Hey, man, what’s up?”

Jack/John just gives me a strange look, opting to sit somewhere else today. I slide into my empty two-seater, and my heart skips a beat when I see a text from Simon. did you talk to samantha?

I debate whether or not to reply, though honestly, what would I even say in reply? He thinks I’ve broken things off with her because of some carefully placed comments about “not being over my ex,” but lying to Simon is something I’d rather not do.

I don’t reply, and I’m grateful when a text comes a moment later from another classmate. you really dodged a bullet with samantha, i heard she’s a homophobe.

Without thinking, I forward the message to Simon.

His reply sends chills down my spine that really shouldn’t be there. only one way to find out.

Tuesday brings with it a torrential downpour. I think it’s rather fitting. Today’s music is Paramore, which I haven’t listened to since freshman year, but the rain plus the uncertainty is definitely a Paramore mood.

Despite the rather dreadful weather, Simon’s wearing his brilliant smile, as always, and finishing the last of his breakfast scone, as always. “So, I heard about Samantha—Baz, you went on a date with her. Did you know?”

“Simon, I didn’t even know it was a date until the end,” I reply, shaking my head.

He punches me in the arm. “You’re kidding, right?”

I arch an eyebrow at him. “How was I supposed to know?”

“My god, Baz. It was dinner. On a Friday night. What class do you even have with her? AP Bio.? How on earth are you managing an AP class when you can’t even understand that was a date?”

Now that it’s all spelled out, I suppose it makes sense. “I wish I hadn’t done it. And if Samantha really is a homophobe, then I really wish I hadn’t done it.”

Simon shrugs. “It’s alright. It’s like the time I almost kissed Victor during gym when he was just trying to reach past me to get the badminton racquets.”

I laugh as though the story is an old memory I haven’t thought about in ages, when really, that can’t be farther than the truth. Simon’s story about Victor had been his way of coming out, and it had been the day that I’d realized there was a real chance for us.

“Embarrassing love stories aside, we should probably head to class. You need all the extra education you can get, clearly,” he cuts off, swiftly changing direction and making a left towards the science hallway, where he has chemistry and I have physics.

We’re about halfway to where we usually part ways when I see her out of the corner of my eye. Samantha. She hasn’t seen me, though; she’s talking (rather loudly) to her friends about some encounter with a kid in her PE class. But then she says, “He’s such a f*g, you know? Like my god, I get that you’re gay but you don’t have to be so obnoxious about it.”

I don’t catch the name of who she’s talking about. It doesn’t matter—I’m seeing red, my hands are clenched in fists, and I’ve spun around on the spot to face her direction.

“Baz—” Simon says.

I’m so angry I barely register that he’s grabbed my hand.

Samantha’s seen me now; her eyes catch mine and widen in recognition. I’m only two steps away from her when Simon tugs me the other way. “Baz. Take a deep breath, getting into a fight won’t solve anything.”

“Can you believe her?” I snap back in reply. “Who the fuck does she think she is?”

I’m coming up with more terrible things to say to Samantha when Simon’s grip tightens on my wrist, moving further up my arm.

“What are you—”

“This will really piss her off, and I’m not even going to say anything,” Simon replies with a smile.

His eyes are so close and so bright.

It’s the last clear thought I have before he presses me against the lockers and kisses me.

I wish I could say I kiss him back.

I don’t. I freeze. Hands pinned to my sides, eyes squeezed shut, balance wavering, wondering if this is all a dream.

But then I dare to open one eye, just a crack, and there is Simon, clear as day.

He pulls away, but one of his hands remains on my arm. “Baz, I—”

His words are cut off by the bell.

“See you at lunch,” is all I manage to stammer out, before stumbling half-dazed into Calculus.

I do not see him at lunch; apparently, Simon has a club meeting. I don’t know if I am more relieved or upset when Penny reminds me that there’s band practice today and he won’t be joining us.

I don’t recall what I say to her in reply. My mind is far-off, on a constant replay of that moment, over and over and over as I wonder how I managed to fuck up so badly.

I’d literally frozen. Up against the lockers, not even moving, hadn’t even kissed him back . . .

It’s still replaying through my head when I get home, skipping the stairs on my way up to my room.

Simon Snow kissed me.

It doesn’t seem real.

But it is real, because Samantha’s un-added me on Snapchat, and there’s a text from Simon saying that he’s sorry, and everything is catching up with me and I’m not thinking.

I’m only typing as fast as my hands will let me.

hey simon. so there were a lot of opportunities for me to tell you this today, honestly i couldn’t find the words and i didn’t even know if i should tell you. but i feel awful and i think you should know the truth. so here goes. i didn’t want to break things off with samantha because i’m not over my ex. it was because i realized i might have feelings for you. i don’t expect you to feel the same way at all, but i’m so tired of keeping this secret. so yeah, now it’s out there, i guess. —baz.

I stare it it. Everything I’ve wanted to say for years, all condensed in the tiny message box, and the only thing stopping me is that damned blue button.

One . . . Two. . . Three.

Before I can talk myself out of it, I press send.

Then, I promptly throw my phone across the room. There’s a resounding crack as it hits the wooden headboard of my bed. I’ve probably fractured the screen, but I don’t really mind.

I start to walk downstairs, but after two steps I whirl back around, sprinting to my room and grabbing the phone.

No answer.

I start a movie. Some Michael Bay trash I can focus on without really thinking.

An hour passes.

No answer.

I finish the movie and debate whether or not to start another one, before deciding to play Solitaire.

Another hour passes.

No answer.

I actually do my Calculus homework for once, spending two hours trying to figure out what the fuck a derivative is.

Two hours pass before I check my phone again.

There’s a text from Simon.

I almost throw my phone down the stairs, but I restrain myself, turning off my speakers so Twenty-One Pilots isn’t blasting louder than my thoughts anymore and I can focus.

i really don’t know how i should reply to this. this is honestly a surprise to me but i’m glad to know the truth, even if it complicates things. i’m not quite sure how i feel, but this feels like a conversation we should have in person. talk to you soon?

I read it no less than twelve times before beginning to type my reply. ok, see you.

Then I pace back and forth across my room until I’m dizzy, wondering if I’m supposed to call him or he’s supposed to call me or if I should invite him over, or if it’s too late to, or if I should ask him when exactly we’re going to talk, considering tomorrow I’m leaving for a family reunion in Cairo and I won’t have my phone for ten days . . .

But I don’t say anything else.

I do not sleep that night. I stare at the ceiling and wonder at the possibilities. Wonder at the fact that Simon kissed me and even though I didn’t kiss him back he didn’t completely shut me down, that there’s something hopeful about that text, about the future.

About our future.

Maybe.

That maybe lingers for the rest of the night, and for that morning as I pack for Cairo.

It lingers as I leave for the airport, staring out the car window and trying not to look too much at my reflection, eyes brighter than they’ve been in a while.

It lingers as I get on a direct flight to Cairo, and though it’s reckless of me, I send Simon a text that says, i’ll miss you.

My phone loses service a few minutes before cruising altitude.

I think it’s oddly appropriate that my Simon playlist comes on my shuffle.

[incorrectchoniberonicaswangs]

hey baby won't you look my way (i can be your new addiction)

Chapter 3: ...no these are fuCKING SEXTS

ao3

Chapter Summary: There's a substitute teacher, Cheryl and Toni have a plan, and Betty is a "good fucking person."

Monday, 7:17 AM

gays united

hbicheryl: good morning gays

wannabett: CHERYL

hbicheryl: good morning gays, cousin betty

hbicheryl: happy?

wannabett: yes

hisshissmotherfucker: why the fuck are you texting us at this ungodly hour

hisshissmotherfucker: go back to sleep

nopeaz: school starts in less than an hour dipshit

hisshissmotherfucker: whatever

veroffica: cheryl, you're in a way better mood than normal. what happened?

hbicheryl: im offended! cant i just be in a good mood because i feel like it?

wannabett: no

hbicheryl: fine

hbicheryl: the history teacher is sick so we have a substitute

hisshissmotherfucker: FUCK YES

wannabett: im confused why is this a good thing??

spillthefogarTEA: oh betty

spillthefogarTEA: poor, sweet betty

nopeaz: substitutes are naive and cant control the class

nopeaz: so we can do whatever we want

wannabett: im not sure thats the best idea

spillthefogarTEA: choni and i have history first period with you, cooper

spillthefogarTEA: we'll show you what we mean

8:16 AM

hbicheryl + nopeaz

hbicheryl: this is even better than i thought

nopeaz: he looks so timid

hbicheryl: this is going to be so much fun

hbicheryl: lets begin phase one

8:19 AM

gays united

wannabett: is this cheryl and tonis master plan? to text out in the open?

jugheadalones: theyre cheryl and toni

wannabett: meaning??

jugheadalones: im sure theres more to it than that

goingtoheller: ^^tru

wannabett: i guess ill just have to wait and see

8:23 AM

gays united

wannabett: okay the sub is asking cheryl and toni to get off their phones

wannabett: theyre ignoring him ofc

wannabett: asdJFDJJSSSKKDXM

hisshissmotherfucker: WHAT HAPPENED

spillthefogarTEA: HE GRABBED TONIS PHONE RIGHT OUT OF HER HANDS SHE LOOKS SO FUCKING STARTLED

goingtoheller: LMAO

spillthefogarTEA: OH SHIT NOW HES READING CHONIS TEXTS FROM TONIS PHONE

wannabett: ...no these are fuCKING SEXTS

veroffica: I'M WHEEZING

hisshissmotherfucker: WHAT DO THE TEXTS SAY

spillthefogarTEA: "maybe after this we can sneak in a quickie between classes"

spillthefogarTEA: "i could finger you up against the bathroom wall"

spillthefogarTEA: "or i could eat you out in the storage closet"

spillthefogarTEA: "of course... youd have to be quiet"

spillthefogarTEA: "do you think you can do that? can you be a good girl for me?"

wannabett: cheryl is as red as her hair

wannabett: toni looks like she wishes the earth would swallow her whole

goingtoheller: I'M DEAD.

veroffica: THIS IS THE BEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD

hbicheryl: GUYS STOP LAUGHING THIS ISNT FUNNY

goingtoheller: no, this is definitely funny.

hisshissmotherfucker: wait were the texts from toni or cheryl??

wannabett: he didnt say

goingtoheller: ooh, any theories? i'm still on team vers. cheryl, can you confirm anything?

hbicheryl: SHUT THE FUCK UP THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING

veroffica: i should hope so!

jugheadalones: ...i did NOT need to know this much about chonis sex life

wannabett: i guess the sub isnt as incompetent as you thought

spillthefogarTEA: lmao sucks to be you guys

spillthefogarTEA: oh shit i think hes looking at the notifications

spillthefogarTEA: "spill the... fogarty!" yep im done for youre all invited to my funeral except for choni bc they got us into this mess

wannabett: fangs' phones has been confiscated as well as cheryls in case you were wondering

wannabett: haha thats karma i guess

wannabett: fuck now he wants mine too why me??

veroffica: ...guys?

goingtoheller: that was the most exciting thing that i've witnessed secondhand in a WHILE.

hisshissmotherfucker: i hope nothing bad happened to fangs

hisshissmotherfucker: or toni or cheryl or betty

jugheadalones: i wonder whats going on there right now

veroffica: well, i don't have any classes with any of them for a while, so i won't be able to know what happened until they get their phones back.

hisshissmotherfucker: ^^

jugheadalones: ^^

goingtoheller: ^^

12:03 PM

gays united

hbicheryl: WE FINALLY GOT OUR PHONES BACK

hbicheryl: I CAN PRACTICALLY TASTE THE FREEDOM

nopeaz: now i just have to go live in a cave for a few years until everyone forgets about that debacle

spillthefogarTEA: thats not going to happen any time soon

goingtoheller: fangs is right, that was iconic.

veroffica: you two will never live that down.

jugheadalones: half of riverdale high is already speculating as to which one of you two sent the texts and which one of you received the texts

hisshissmotherfucker: cheryl, toni, care to make a statement?

hbicheryl: no

nopeaz: fuck off

goingtoheller: well, at least they seem to be on the same page.

wannabett: can we talk about whats REALLY important now??

jugheadalones: and what would that be?

wannabett: ALL FOUR OF US GOT DETENTION!!

veroffica: can the substitute even do that?

spillthefogarTEA: yeah, he wrote us all up for "repeatedly disobeying a clear set of instructions"

nopeaz: at least its only for today

wannabett: ive never gotten detention before! how the hell am i going to explain this to my mom??

hbicheryl: lmao cant relate

wannabett: im a good fucking person i dont deserve this

12:39 PM

gays united

hisshissmotherfucker: wait cheryl and toni what was your master plan?

hbicheryl: oh we were just going to sext for a while and then make out in the back of the classroom

veroffica: ...that was a letdown.

goingtoheller: yeah, i expected better.

nopeaz: we were horny when we came up with that plan okay

jugheadalones: now THAT makes more sense

spillthefogarTEA: tbh im still kinda disappointed tho

1:22 PM

gays united

wannabett: SHIT

veroffica: what's wrong, betts?

wannabett: i think the school told my mom about the detention :(

goingtoheller: what makes you think that?

wannabett: shes called me four times today already

wannabett: ive been ignoring her but knowing my mom she'll probably just show up here to talk to me

jugheadalones: she wouldnt do that

wannabett: you underestimate her

veroffica: b is right. her mom is just crazy enough to do that.

1:40 PM

gays united

wannabett: huh i wonder why the secretary is calling me to the office

wannabett: it couldnt be my mom, could it??

wannabett: who wants to bet against me?

goingtoheller: a, congrats on finally living up to your screen name!

goingtoheller: b, there is no way that i'm going to be stupid enough to take you up on that.

jugheadalones: i'll bite.

jugheadalones: 20 bucks it isnt her

wannabett: youre on jug

wannabett: be prepared to lose $20

1:55 PM

gays united

wannabett: angry-mama-cooper.jpeg

wannabett: fork over the money jones

jugheadalones: ...fuck

jugheadalones: this is what i get for believing that alice cooper wouldnt be that petty??

hbicheryl: no this is what you get for being a fool

wannabett: same thing

spillthefogarTEA: okay im sure that im going to regret asking this, but what did mrs cooper want that took fifteen minutes to talk about?

wannabett: the usual

wannabett: "youre disappointing your family, you need to do better, you dont want to end up like polly," etc.

veroffica: i'm sorry, b. :(

wannabett: it isnt your fault v

veroffica: i know, but your mom clearly isn't sorry for the crazy expectations she puts on you because polly didn’t turn out the way she wanted, so somebody has to be. and i want that somebody to be me.

wannabett: you really think so?

veroffica: i know so.

spillthefogarTEA: thats so sweet

hbicheryl: and REALLY gay

spillthefogarTEA: ofc

veroffica: *bi, and betty and i are just best friends.

wannabett: ^^^

spillthefogarTEA: sweets and i are best friends and if i had said something like that to him yall wouldnt think that we were just being friends

wannabett: thats bc you and sweet pea are super gay for each other

hisshissmotherfucker: false

spillthefogarTEA: ...you dont think that im hot? :(

hisshissmotherfucker: no i think that youre the hottest person in the whole damn universe

hisshissmotherfucker: but that doesnt mean that im in love with you

hbicheryl: babe do you see this shit??

nopeaz: i see it all right

hbicheryl: im so glad that we arent like that

nopeaz: me too :)

hbicheryl: i love you toni

nopeaz: i love you too cher

veroffica: awww, that was adorable.

veroffica: but also: what will it take to convince all of you that betty and i are telling the truth??

goingtoheller: nothing, ever. you are both so clearly whipped it isn't even funny.

jugheadalones: like cheryl and toni levels of whipped

hbicheryl: except you two arent even dating!!

nopeaz: the same goes for sweets and fangs too

hisshissmotherfucker: whatever

spillthefogarTEA: ^^^

wannabett: ^^^

veroffica: ^^^

jugheadalones: why do i even try anymore

2:29 PM

gays united

hbicheryl: well its time to go into the hellish pit the school calls detention

wannabett: i wonder if theyll make us do manual labor

spillthefogarTEA: sweet pea practically lived in detention at southside high, ask him

hisshissmotherfucker: thats true

hisshissmotherfucker: and yes sometimes they do make you do some janitorial work around the school

hbicheryl: oh my fucking god im going to die

jugheadalones: stop being so extra cheryl

goingtoheller: no never stop being extra cheryl it is the best part of this chat

hbicheryl: for your information hobo i will never ever stop being dramatic and if you say that again i will fight you

hbicheryl: and dont worry keller i wont change

nopeaz: thats my girl!!

hisshissmotherfucker: as i was saying

hisshissmotherfucker: youll probably just sit in a room and do your homework

hbicheryl: thats even worse

2:34 PM

gays united

hbicheryl: THEY WANT TO TAKE OUR PHONES

hbicheryl: WHY DIDNT YOU TELL US ABOUT THIS SWEET PEA

hisshissmotherfucker: i thought it would be a nice surprise

nopeaz: screw you

hbicheryl: IF I NEVER GET OUT OF HERE TELL MY MOTHER THAT SHES AN AWFUL BITCH AND THAT I HATE HER

veroffica: sure thing, blossom.

3:00 PM

gays united

hbicheryl: MY PHONE IS BACK I LOVE IT SO MUCH THIS SCHOOL IS SHIT AND DETENTION FUCKING SUCKS

goingtoheller: that's a lot of moods.

jugheadalones: ^^

veroffica: "that's a lot of moods" is just cheryl's personality in a nutshell.

wannabett: tru

hisshissmotherfucker: tru

nopeaz: tru

hbicheryl: tru

Notes: Writing choni's sexts was the best part of this chapter, honestly. Also, I noticed that I refer to Cheryl and Toni as 'choni' an awful lot, which probably has direct correlation to my laziness. I know that this chapter has a lot less to do with the overlying plot, and that's because I'm trying something different. Tell me if you like it this way or if you want me to go back to more plot-heavy chapters.