#basically paul deserved better lmao

[humblemediagenius]

🤝 having ocs that attract the horrors in every au ever

for the sillys . whats the worst horrors sai has been through (canon or au)

HEEHEHEEHE. The horrors sai has to face are some of my favorite things to write (unfortunately for him). He's the narratives punching bag half the time.

I cannot reveal most of the horrors he goes through in canon-- that spoils the story! Though to be honest the horrors actually aren't That Bad in canon. I'll just say he's having a moderately bad time that does eventually get better. But you could probably consider the base story premise to be The Horrors, because who in the world would want to be on reality TV?! /lh

The AUs he's in are where the horrors really come for him. The most significant horrors is namely an AU where he just straight up Dies. I can't reveal the information about this AU yet because it again spoils some huge stuff in Outcast Chaos, but it's not canon (so don't worry no one dies in the actual story). I'll eventually find a way to talk about this AU some day without spoiling too much LMAO

The other big AU that he has to face the Horrors in is my TGWDLM AU (where basically my OCs replace the roles of the characters in the musical). Sai's role is Paul. If you know anything about TGWDLM, you understand what I mean when I say he faces the horrors. (That's not even including my convoluted extended lore I made for this AU as well...)

I also have an AU of him where he's in the world of my other OC story, Microbial, but the story in this AU is so different from the current story LMAO but he very much has to face the horrors there too 😔

There's many other AUs where he has to face the horrors but those are The Big Ones. I formally apologize to Sai for having to face all of this in several different universes, he deserves a break.

[felixschokehold]

Disclaimer: List is due to change over time as new things are learned about each character.

Bias|Favorites 

Ultimate Bias: Felix of the Volturi

He is TALL.

He has very little scenes in the books/movies but the back story I’ve given him and literally just my own story of him has made me very attached to him.

I also love Daniel Cudmore as Felix and I am perpetually Dead^TM.

Cannot help but to love fictional homicidal men.

Edward Cullen

Edward (and Bella) call to my BPD/bipolar so fucking hard. I understand the obsession. The mania. The self hatred. The lack of confidence in someone loving you because you don’t feel “good enough”.  

Love the vigilante vampire side story. Homicidal? Check. Justified killings? Double check. Love it. Living for it.

Leah Clearwater

An absolute badass.

She deserved much better.

Demetri of the Volturi

In the books he’s also Tall. 

In the movies he’s very charming and funny (i.e. shoving Felix to hoard food).

I feel very sorry for him since Aro literally kidnapped him from Amun’s coven.

Emmett Cullen

Everyone’s fave himbo. 

Felt very protective of Bella as a brother very early on (Midnight Sun describes this during driving away from the baseball scene). 

Marcus of the Volturi

His entire life was ruined by Aro and I feel so sorry for him.

He had the greatest love of all time and it was ripped from him. 

Is absolutely done with everything and is ready to die at any moment. Mood. 

Jane and Alec

Literally just two innocent children. 

Aro also basically ruined their life and turned them without their consent (afaik). 

Forcefully bound and kept content by Aro. 

So much pity for them. My children.

Paul 

Anger issues. Same. 

Have you seen him?

Indifferent

Alice Cullen

Continuously and borderline obnoxiously tries to force Bella into her own picture of femininity.

Literally is okay with loving a non-repentant Confederate soldier.

She is nice but just kind of rubs me the wrong way ig.

Carlisle Cullen

Created his own “family” without any consent from them as they lay dying. 

Sam Uley

Seems like a hardass, but was probs just trying to be a leader and do what was best. 

Esme Cullen 

She is wholesome but not my cup of tea. 

Some motherly figures make me feel weird because mine is dead lmao.

The Pack

Unnamed members above and below go here, just no reason to like or dislike them.

The Denali Coven

I understand where Irina comes from. Kate is pretty cool ig. Tanya is alright. Eleazar and Carmen are hot af. I just don’t feel any certain way for the whole clan.

Anti|Non Favorites

Ultimate Anti: Jacob Black

Imprinting on a child; Smeyers writing imprinting as how wolves “find their mate”, and the “future” Alice saw in the movie of them acting kind of romantic to each other has made me have a very vile taste for Jacob Black. Pre-wolf Jacob? Totally cool. Post-wolf Jacob? Absolute fucking incel. 

Aro of the Volturi

Aro doesn’t “recruit”, he straight up kidnaps. He uses Chelsea and Corin’s powers to remove vampires he wants from covens they’re in and ties them to him for ultimate loyalty. He killed his own sister, Didyme, because he didn’t want Marcus to leave as he and Didyme were mated and wanted to dip from the Volturi. Aro is enslaving and kidnapping vampires on the reg.

Caius of the Volturi

He is the only member of the Volturi that Aro has not forced to stay. Caius stays on his own, he only uses Corin’s ability to cure his boredom when he isn’t committing mass murder or punishing lawbreakers. 

Rosalie Cullen (Hale) 

Supreme Bitch for literally no reason. 

Pro-lifer. 

Treats Bella like absolute garbage and almost gets her own brother killed because “Bella I eNvY yOu”

Rene 

Was never a real mother to Bella, Bella had to mother her. 

Selfish. 

Just annoying and a terrible person lol.

Charlie Swan 

Didn’t do anything in the movie when Jacob kissed Bella without consent. In the book, he praised Jacob for kissing Bella.

ACAB. 

Jasper Cullen (Hale) 

I only put him here because he’s a Confederate soldier with no remorse. 

Probably a racist.

Quil 

Also imprinted on a child.

[mostlymalena]

May 10th 2024 11:47pm

Hi. I know I havent written in a while. I'll be better at that.

Today was rough - this week has been rough honestly. I have not written bc Gracie and I were going through a breakup and she officially ended things tonight. Not only that but I got official confirmation that Belle and Paul are fucking. I hope she doesnt have a boyfriend still bc thats just wrong.

let's flesh this out - Gracie broke up with me bc she said she thinks she did not give herself enough alone time to figure out a lot like the religious stuff. She said she does not want to put me through that and I told her I was willing to be put through that. She said she would rather be alone. I am heartbroken bc she worked so hard at picking away my walls and it feels like days after I tore a couple of them down she saw what was behind them and deemed them too much and left. I told her a couple days before she broke it off that I cannot trust her all the way bc I feel like she will abandon me again like she did 4 years ago. It's been rough and im crying a lot. I just wished she would have not reached out at all and not begged begged to get back together just to leave me all over again. I am very very heartbroken.

Tonight I also found out that Paul and Belle are "together" which just means Paul is fucking her bc we know how P is and he will never claim her as she probably deserves to be claimed lmao. Not sure if she still has that poor boyfriend but! Now I am not in any way surprised by this news bc WE ALL SAW IT COMING LMAO but I do feel just embarrassed by him a little. I mean to chase a girl in a band you are in while she has a boyfriend and then fuck her while keeping her a secret and never publicly claiming her and THEN DOING THAT SAME THING TWO MONTHS AFTER BREAKING UP WITH BELLE IS WILD SHIT!!! That is so cringey and so so so embarrassing. I dont know why I feel so much second hand embarrassment but I think it's by association?? Like now he clearly has a pattern and that it started with me and I just hate that so much lmao. He will always be afraid of what people will think and say. I remember when him taking me to a work party meant a lot too lmao.

Also there is a huge relief bc one of my biggest fears when I thought about P's next girlfriend was that she was going to be prettier or more cool or intelligent or just like overall more aesthetically pleasing than me. I do not have to worry about that AT all. This is not to be mean but it is just honest; she is a very plain looking girl with a shady attitude and in my experience does not seem to have much depth to her, all things I had that intimidated P so it should actually work well. He does not want to be with a woman who challenges him and Belle does not seem like the type. This is basically just news I guess bc I dont have any other feelings besides just pity for belle who does not know the prize she won is a emotionally stunted line cook who is wasting his intelligence micromanaging a burger shop. She will grow tired of being kept a secret and he will do nothing about it. This story has been written before she is not a new character just replacing the old one who got tired of the same plot.

I leave for italy sunday - wow. That will be so healing.

Now I guess I should focus on what I'll be needing so a list will be constructed below:

write every day

read one book a week (already doing this but want to make it a goal now)

write poetry once a day

have fun with my friends (easy)

I think that is all for now. Going to have my nightcap and go to sleep bc I have a huge busy day and it starts with an early soccer game!!

Glad to be back to my emotional support blog

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

What do you think about the scene in 3x07, where Stefan is locked up and Elena tells him to find hope and that she refused to love a ghost forever? (After she got Lexie’s help to try and break through to him)

Honestly, I have very mixed feelings about that scene. On the one hand I love that the scene reinforces the theme of hope and not giving up that’s key to their relationship, particularly in season 3:

I love the song choice. It’s such a beautiful song that sits in the background comfortably and doesn’t dominate the scene but adds to it nicely. And the lyrics, “Why can’t ever see what’s in front of you,” relate perfectly to their current situation. Stefan is sitting there looking Elena right in the eyes and he still loves her, yet because he doesn’t have his humanity he doesn’t quite see her properly. In that moment he can’t necessarily connect how important to him she actually is and even though he’s clearly affected by the thought of losing her, it doesn’t have the full emotional impact because he doesn’t have his humanity.

I love the way she takes his face in her hands and beckons him to meet her eyes. You can see the reluctance on Stefan’s face, how he tries to avoid her gaze, but he can’t help but give into it:

(sorry it’s so dark, this scene is impossible to colour)

And I love what she tells him the moment he meets her eyes and she has his full attention:

This is her displaying her faith in him and trying to reconnect to him in the only way she knows how. She’s reminding him that even if everyone else has given up on him and believes he’s a lost cause, she knows him better than anyone and she knows that he’s strong enough to find his way back to his humanity. Also, as the woman he loves, she is simply asking for him to fight - fight for his humanity, for himself, for her, for them, and she has every right to ask him to do that, just as she did in 3x05 when Klaus had compelled Stefan to feed on her.

What I don’t like is what Elena says next:

I understand why she says it. It’s because she knows how much Stefan loves her and thinks the threat of losing her will be enough to snap him out of it and get through to him. However, it feels wrong and out of place. At this point Stefan has only been without his humanity for one full episode and let’s be honest, he doesn’t do anything that bad in that time. Yes, he’s Klaus’ lackey, but that’s not his choice, just as having his humanity switched off wasn’t his choice. In 3x06 all he does is keep an eye on Elena like he’s told. He pushes over a guy on the running track which is completely out of character and a result of him not having his humanity, but I can’t recall him doing anything else wrong. And let’s not forget that this happens in that same episode:

So at this point Stefan is clearly still capable of being saved. His humanity is there, his love for Elena is there and Elena is able to connect with him profoundly in this moment. Later on in 3x06 she told him what she tells him again in 3x07:

Again, this is proof that there’s still an incredibly strong bond and love between the pair. Their relationship certainly isn’t over, Stefan’s humanity is lingering beneath the surface and Elena is right there with him, willing to fight to get him back.

In 3x07 the worst he says to Elena is the following:

Like that’s honestly the worst it gets up until this point and this is clearly when he’s in a fit of rage and crazed from blood withdrawal.

So when Elena says he’s going to lose her forever I can’t really understand why she’s saying that so soon. Yes, he has lost his humanity and he’s clearly a darker version of himself, but she hasn’t even really begun to fight for him yet. It’s been a matter of days since Klaus compelled him and so far things have been going well considering Stefan has no humanity and his history with blood lust. He’s still in town, he’s feeding, but he’s not killing relentlessly, he’s not out of control and most importantly, he’s still connected to Elena in some way and she still has a hold over him. It’s not like he became a complete and utter monster overnight that was completely ruthless and detached from everything he cared about and the person he was before. So my question is what has he done to warrant Elena saying that? Furthermore, it’s completely contradictory to what she says right before it. She tells him she still has hope and that she hasn’t given up, yet in the same breath she’s telling him he’s going to lose her forever. What?

I just have a lot of problems with that dialogue, the most basic being that the timing of it is just atrocious. It’s as though Elena is trying to play the tough guy act with him, but it’s not nearly tough enough and is again contradicted by her softness moments before. What’s even more frustrating is that Stefan is clearly still in there. If you go back and rewatch that scene, you can see the various emotional stages he goes through, but I’ll break it down in gifs.

The disappointment and resignation of “I knew this would happen” when he thinks Elena has given up on him:

The flicker of hope and curiosity when Elena tells him she hasn’t given him up:

The reluctance to show his vulnerability but inability to deny Elena:

The contemplation and pain at the prospect of losing Elena forever:

The acceptance and turmoil at Elena saying she won’t love a ghost for the rest of her life:

Everyone will interpret the emotion in Stefan’s expression differently here, but what no one can deny is that there is emotion there and a bloody lot of it considering he’s supposed to have no humanity.

Elena is supposed to know Stefan better than anyone, she can read him and instinctively know what he’s feeling, so why can’t she sense that she’s already getting through to him? Why can’t she see the emotion in his face that we can? By the time Lexi left she had already started to break down his walls, because Stefan didn’t want to turn off his humanity. It wasn’t a choice, so getting him to reconnect to his humanity again wasn’t going to be that hard. It wasn’t like Elena in season 4 whereby she didn’t want to turn it back on again because she couldn’t face the pain of losing Jeremy or Caroline in season 6 with her mom. Stefan turning his humanity on wouldn’t have taken a lot, the main obstacle standing in his way was Klaus. Being involved with Klaus meant it was easier for Stefan without his humanity but he managed all summer with Klaus with his humanity still in tact.

So my point here is that I feel like although Elena was just trying to get through to him in the only way she knew how, there were so many more appropriate things she could’ve said. Honestly, I think she should’ve been comforting him more than anything. It annoys me that the second he had his humanity off he was demonised by everyone (including the writers), despite the fact that none of it was his fault. First of all, he was forced to go away with Klaus in order to save Damon’s life and suffered so much because of it. He was forced to gorge on blood after spending decades battling his blood lust, Klaus pushed him over the edge and encouraged him to embrace being the Ripper, he had to kill and feed on innocents to keep Klaus satisfied and as if all of that wasn’t enough, he was then compelled to turn his humanity off. Elena wasn’t the victim in any of this, she hadn’t suffered because of Stefan’s actions, because nothing that he had done to hurt her during that time was his choice. Yet in this scene there is an inherent sense of disdain from Elena as though she’s saying, “I deserve better than being treated like this and I will find better”. But in reality, Stefan is the one that is in the most pain in this moment and he is the one that needs the support, not her. 

With that in mind, Elena does frustrate me in this scene, because it would have been so much more effective for her to say: “I haven’t given up, Stefan. I still have hope, but I can’t do anything until you get yours back. Fight for it. Don’t let Klaus win. He took your humanity from you and that wasn’t your choice, but you have a choice now and you can choose to fight. I know who you are, the person you want to be and it’s not this person. You made a decision before to reject the blood and the person it made you, you can do it again. No matter what happens, I’m here for you. Let me help you. Please, Stefan.” Do you see the difference? Elena should’ve been affectionate, supportive and encouraging. She should’ve been comforting him and reminding him that nothing that had happened was his fault, and that she’s there for him 100%. Instead, she essentially told him “I’m not giving up on you but I will soon if you don’t get your humanity back”. Where is the support in that? All that does is confirm Stefan’s worst fear that he’s going to lose her, which is only stripping him of his strength and resolve. If Elena had made it blatantly clear she was there for him and they were in it together he would’ve been more likely to want to fight. The way she phrased what she said made it seem like Stefan was alone and it was all down to him to save himself. Her proclaiming he’ll lose her and she won’t love a ghost forever is inherently contradictory to her saying she hasn’t given up on him. Why describe him as a ghost? That sounds like she believes he’s completely lost and does not give the impression that she has hope. And saying he’ll lose her forever, when does that happen? How long does he have to find his humanity before she decides to give up on him? It doesn’t feel right that she’s putting a limit on that because when you love someone there is no limit on what you’ll do. In reality, it’s healthy that she’s willing to end the relationship for the sake of her own sanity and well-being, but it’s also completely un-feeling and unrealistic of a person that is deeply in love. Elena should be telling him she will go through hell and high water to get him back, promising him that she’ll be there no matter what happens so to be so defeatist so soon is wrong.

I finished watching Outlander tonight and through all of this I can’t help but compare Stefan and Elena to Jamie and Claire. At the end of season 1 Jamie suffers a horrendous trauma (he’s kept imprisoned, raped, psychologically and physically tortured by a man that has previously violently attacked him) and naturally, after suffering through all of that Jamie completely loses himself. He’s traumatised and detached from himself, the world around him and his wife, Claire. It’s so bad that he is suicidal and asks his friend to kill him to put him out of his misery. Claire bearing witness to this is fraught with grief and desperate to do anything and everything she can to make him see sense and bring him back to her. First of all, she “steps into the darkness” with him and forces him to remember the trauma he suffered to break him and get him to open up about what he went through. When the walls start to drop the emotion pours out of both of them and this is what happens (I uploaded this specifically for this meta because it was frustrating the hell out of me that I couldn’t find it anywhere online and it’s necessary to see it to make the comparison). Although what Jamie went through was significantly different than what Stefan did and a lot more traumatic and horrific, both men lost part of themselves and that’s why this comparison is so relevant. Claire is trying to get through to the man she loves in that scene just as Elena is trying to get through to Stefan in 1x07, and even though I am comparing the two, in reality there’s no comparison. The conviction and desperation that Claire displays is heart-wrenching, yet where is that with Elena? The man she loves has been stripped away and this is her chance to get him back, but how pitiful is her attempt to do so? There’s no emotion, no conviction, nothing. I don’t want to get too bogged down in comparisons, but the reason I chose to use Jamie and Claire in this scenario, is because I feel like that’s what the 3x07 scene between Stefan and Elena should’vebeen. Elena is acting as though it’s last chance saloon and that if Stefan doesn’t find his way back, it’s over for them and on that basis it should’ve been a lot stronger and more impactful than it was.

I’m going to end this here, because I feel like this is morphing into something entirely different than it started, because I’m realising that the issue stems from the acting because Nina just can’t act lmao. But to sum up my thoughts on the 3x07 scene, I like the sentiment of it, but it needed to go even further. It was much too brief and not nearly emotional or angsty enough for the nature of the scene. I also think the dialogue should’ve been different and tweaked in the ways I explained above.

[misterbitches]

hi @yeedak thank you so m uch for replying with what you did. YAY ADHD!!!!! ur partner sounds like she rocks >:)  as do u

i found it really illuminating and i agree with all of it. and god as much as i understand reticence when black people are interracially dating (it is so hard) i also hate it when people dictate it and also to a degree that it makes it extremely uncomfortable for the person themselves. to me it really is about a sense of control particularly if you are a woman. constantly trying to pick someone’s life partner for them instead of letting them find out if it’s a) something they want or even want to do b) something they can handle and c) their experience. it can purely cultural as well. my mom is a black american but my father is nigerian and that was basically a sin. however my father’s siblings? the women who had to marry extremely quickly and had to be with nigerian men or at the very least african? divorced. because they had to clamor for love for approval, pop out babies, and look what that got them. i totally understand you and  your mother. and you’re right about all of it.

the idea of a man whore is so funny to me too because it’s not about sexual liberation it’s literally about them wanting to use people as disposable which is why sexual liberation for women as well can be confusing. but all of this isn’t so we can develop our own imaginations and find out our own inhibitions. like you said in all of it and i found this part very very interesting and true, “youth is for sex and no mention of asexuality.” when you get older you are not sexual, when you are a child you are unsure about it, but there’s a time in our lives where we shouldn’t waste it, where it’s only acceptable in that window, where it’s dictated. tangentially i think it’s very funny that the people we sleep with also become a point of pride. let’s say if he is a man (as a bisexual~**~ gorl) but he’s ugly, i should be ashamed, too?

so much boxing in and pushing and dictating. they really are here to spread a message. and i know things ar ehard. i can believe people ask you that but it’s still so.....weird? i remember saying something about my sexuality once and it’s not like i knew the people but then they started asking me questions and i honestly felt embarrassed and like an outsider. i dunno.

and your analogy of a mirror was perfect woaaaaaaah that’s what im gonna say now thank you so much credit to you. gENIUS!!! as real life changes, what we see changes. but media doesnt come first.

also totally agree about watching what people consume and not falling into those patterns. and when “bad” things are shown i do not understand why shows are so scared to show them as they are or not romanticize. a real issue to introduce when it comes to age gaps would be why it is frequent in the lgbtq+ community. that is a real thing because when you have to hide yourself of course you can be stuck in a state of arrested development and trying to re-establish times you may never have. that’s a geniuine fear and concern, it’s understandable even if i don’t particularly care for it, but it’s like for these writeres there’s no reason to look deeply or put that into their story. so why are they doing it? and what is the message here? uGH. and what ur mother said makes so much sense we are just constantly absorbing all these messages and culture absolutely aids to it and you’re right about the generations. and sometimes things stop and start but i genuinely think (and know) that for us to continue forward and not have the constant backwards taht means we have to push to get there and demand and that also means we have to make an effort to end the harm we then see on screen. rape culture dictates these shows. it relies on it. it is disgusting but rape culture is the norm, the norm is the oppression so we have to attack it otherwise it sticks and htat’s exactly why we see what we see.

and the unacceptability of gender fluidity is what keeps the genre SO INFLEXIBLE sincerely. it honestly just pulls so heavily from patriarchy and the roles in which we have to follow to uphold that structure. 

it’s really just not enough to show us things any more wihtout taking it into consideration. and like ive mentioned there’s soooooooooo much media that has a lot to say that embeds itself. there’s this thing my friend linked me to on re-examining queerness in korean cinema (much like my dad’s country; patriarchal, more “conservative, anti lgbtq+, reliant on capital. africa is different because of the blackness component but the structures aided by colonialism absolutely remain and continue and that’s how we see such similarities. thse countries are more “overt” in this output but still you know. america. sucks) because we are trying to re-evaluate what it means to be heard and seen. the different ways and sort of the message that a lot of us as lgbtq+ can feel. you know, how we can get a feeling on if a person has our same experience, how we kind of have to learn to identify that. not sure if this makes sense...

your mom sounds really cool. and i’m fucking sorry. so many men do that. i live with both my parents but even then i see this power imbalance i can’t stand and you know i would have believed it was normal if i wasnt able to learn aand had to build up thinking skills. there was one day that it hit me that there are parts of my parents relationship i abhor, that are imbalanced, that make me find my father disgusting and make me ashamed of my mother. i don’t want that to happen to me or my potential children. if i have a male partner for life, which i am sure i will because offffffff heteronormativity and homophobia and being half black american half nigerian, he cannot recreate that. i am optimistic on what people can do without needing such grand structures or the support of the elite etc you know? that’s how we know there’s good work that exists and people we can find that arent with the status quou!!! 

and who want a better world. we have to know we can rally that together. i think part of that is constant demanding of things to do better. there’s a rage against the machine song called settle for nothing and it’s about 0 compromise. there’s a famous quote i dont remember by who that’s basically like there’s an idea that there’s a limit to asking for dignity and what you deserve because when people realize they can live better lives they want to cultivate that more and more but that means a loss of control and a sharing of power from the top. nothing is ever enough if it can be better and we are allowed to demand it (or take it.) we deserve the world, we are being told that we’re asking fo rtoo much. are we? really? 

i was thinking about the children thing as well bc...lmao i was so tightly contorlled as a child and it really messed me up but at the same time, like you, i honestly do not want my children watching drivel. like even with youtube. a friend of mine said that what she thinks she will do is try and hammer home how fantastical these things are, they do not reflect reality, and to get them to understand the spectacle. at the same time i’m like does a child really need to watch these dumb tiktok stars or jake paul? but then im like i really dont want to control them. but like what if ur kid asks u to go to some like fucking BL concert or some shit like what do you say to that?!??! I DONT WANNA SAY NO BUT AT THE SAME TIME UHHHHlmao but at the same time we have to give them tools to analyze and do the right things and follow their hearts

however,

as you know

LOL

tysm for responding, lovely talking to you and hearing your thoughts!!!

oh btw so u r from kashmar? that is very cool......VERY COOL

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

Ive never really understood the hype surrounding Taylor Swift - I mean, I like some of her songs, but im not big on modern pop music so generally she just doesn’t really click for me. But I find it interesting that theres quite a few of Beatles/Swift blogs - like, they should have very little in common given that they’re from completely different eras and all, but somehow people seem to find a lot of semblance between the two. << and thats not me shitting on any of these blogs btw! Hope I don’t come off as rude or condescending there <3

Anyway, I was just wondering what got you into Taylor Swift? (I think ive read your post on how you got into the Beatles)

Hi, anon! Don't worry, I don't think you're rude or condescending! I agree they don't have too much in common and I don't really like their music for the same reasons.* I do have a playlist of Paul songs that have similar vibes to Taylor songs but it's mostly lyric-based. (Also the Beatles For Sale songs actually have quite the Taylor-tinge because Paul and John were not immune to Country Music)

I saw @stewy say once that a possible reason there are a good handful of us Swiftie-Beatle People on here is the appeal of a vast discography, which I agree with. If you have an artist/group with 200ish songs, it's just really fun to really dive into their work and explore all the facets. I also think: we're talking about the most popular band of all time and one of the highest-selling artists of the 21st century. They have a lot of fans so there's bound to be overlap, regardless of musical differences.

Moving on to your question: Getting into Taylor was an extremely personal experience for me and so my explanation is probably going to be kind of long so I'll put it under a read more.

It was spring-summer 2014, I was 15. I had heard the more popular songs of hers starting with Love Story and enjoyed pretty much all of them (I always found her hopelessly romantic point of view fascinating) but before I got a Spotify account in 2013 it was difficult in general for me to really get into an artists' entire discography so most of her songs had flown under my radar.

At the time, I was in this very weird sort of codependent online friendship with this girl who was basically my first real best friend and my first more or less crush. She was very depressed and I was very much in an I Could Fix Her™ mood, except that I obviously couldn't fix her and it made me feel like I wasn't enough and she had begun pulling more and more away from me and not replying to my messages and it was simply driving me insane. I consider it the saddest period in my life.

at some point during this period, I started trying to connect with other people (all online, I didn't know how to talk seriously to anyone IRL) and explaining the issues I'd been having, and one of the people who brought me joy and whom I actually felt not drained talking to was a huge swiftie. And IDK the fact that she loved Taylor and the fact that talking to her made my life better (and also the fact that I liked all the Taylor songs I knew at that point) just made me decide to give her a listen. And I think that whole "large discography discovery" phenomenon really helped me at the time (funny, because her discography has doubled since then). It gave me something new to focus on; there were just so many songs to discover, all telling such rich stories. I also have always loved bridges, they are almost always my favourite part of a song. And Taylor, god-bless her, loves them too and always puts her ALL in them. Like pretty much every bridge of hers brings the song to the next level, and even a lot of her songs I don't adore tend to have great bridges (Stay Stay Stay and Paper Rings come to mind). I think one of her most underrated qualities is how good she is at song structure and really building up an entire musical journey with a song. She also almost always adds cool ad-libs in her second and third choruses to keep the songs interesting and dynamic (or at least since she's gone pop). Anyways, back to the story: Then Taylor announced 1989 as her next album and released Shake It Off, and it was just like this great happy thing for me to look forward to, when I had very little keeping me going. The era was promoting a lot of happiness which in hindsight was slightly fabricated and it was just a really great thing for me to latch onto.

At the same time I was coming to realize that I was gonna have to pull away completely from my friend and all those break-up songs just… Hit, y'know? Like, some people seem to think Taylor's a one-trick pony because she likes to write break-up songs but to me, break-ups are just like this moment where you as a human can potentially feel every single emotion, and Taylor's songs have covered every facet of the concept. Here are some songs I remember from that period, that all meant a lot to me at the time because they explained my own pain to me so well:

Haunted, for the absolute terror you feel in the first moments you realize someone is probably gonna leave you. Come on, come on / Don't leave me like this / I thought I had you figured out / Something's gone terribly wrong / You're all I wanted.

I Almost Do, for the inner turmoil you feel when you know you have to stay away from someone for your own good but you really, really have to resist just running back to that person. We've made quite a mess, Babe / It's probably better off this way / And I confess, Babe / In my dreams you're touching my face / And asking me if I wanna try again / With you / And I almost do.

Last Kiss, for that absolute sadness that comes simply with remembering everything that was good and not comprehending how it could've possibly ended. I still remember / The look on your face / Lit through the darkness / At 1:58 / Words that you whispered / For just us to know / You told me you loved me / So why did you go / Away?

Forever and Always, for that feeling of desperately wanting to hold on to what you still have but at the same time realizing it probably isn't going to last and having no idea how to fix it, plus feeling like the other person doesn't even care. So here's to everything / Coming down to nothing / Here's to silence / That cuts me to the core / Where is this going? / Thought I knew for a minute / But I don't anymore.

Dear John, my all-time favourite song, for that moment you find clarity and realize that you deserved better and that you were headed in an extremely dark direction because of this other person. [DISCLAIMER: my friend did NOT abuse me nor did we have some inappropriate age difference. But the way she would ignore me and her general moodiness really affected my own mental health and self-worth problems] You paint me a blue sky / And go back and turn it to rain / And I lived in your chess games / But you changed the rules every day / Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone / Tonight / Well I stopped picking up / And this song is to let you know why.

(She's covered more aspects of break-ups in other songs [cheating, divorce, feeling awkward around your ex amongst others], these are just the ones I remember being really important to me when I was first getting into her)

She really helped me feel a lot less alone during one of my loneliest periods and I really can't thank her enough for that. Soon after this, I started crushing on a girl in my class and Taylor's love songs started to take on a new meaning for me as well.

What's crazy to me is, when she went on hiatus for a few years, a part of me thought maybe I'd grown out of her and no longer had much in common with her, but when reputation came out I was pulled right back into my love for her as a person and musician and then when Lover came out I found that she was still explaining feelings to me better than I ever could (specifically with the songs The Archer and Cornelia Street). And now with folklore and evermore she's simply absolutely perfected her story-telling and I find myself deeply moved even by the songs I don't directly relate to. I feel like she has this amazing ability to find the absolute truth in the specific. I've never had a summer romance with someone who already had a girlfriend and mostly wanted to go back to her, and yet the bridge of august feels so real to me, y'know?

Back when we were still changin' for the better Wanting was enough For me, it was enough To live for the hope of it all Cancel plans just in case you'd call And say, "Meet me behind the mall" So much for summer love and saying "us" 'Cause you weren't mine to lose

It's hard to explain but looking at this, like it's so much more than the story it's telling. It's talking about how when you're young you really need so little to feel satisfied; how sometimes the idea of someone maybe spending time with you is better than actually doing things with other people; and how if someone using you without much thought can make you feel like you're not even entitled to grieve what you lost. Sorry. I'll stop. Don't want to go insane.

So, all of this is very personal and unique to me, but I think really the main thing that draws me to her is how vulnerable and honest she is about emotions, how eloquently she can explain the pain of being alive to me. Some people think she isn't the strongest singer, but I think, much like John actually, one of her greatest assets is how good she is at projecting emotion. The song happiness is a song I think has some lyrically weak moments but her vocal performance on it is so raw and devastating that every single line works even when, looking at it on paper, it feels like it shouldn't.

Hope this rambling made sense to you, lmao?? I love talking about Taylor though so thanks for the ask! Also very open to giving song recs if you do want to check her out more but I won't unless solicited to lmao *Sort of off-topic but I do think there's a relation between my fascination with the Beatles' history and my love for a great break-up song. I like pain I guess :)

[monkberries]

Wait what's wrong with the AKOM How Do You Sleep episode? I remember it being fine but its been ages since i listened to it so if you've got any thoughts I'd love to hear them :)

Be aware, this is only about the first episode, not about the George-focused episode. If they resolve any of the issues I have with the first episode in the second episode, then I sincerely apologize.

First, there are some things they talk about that I agree with! Near the end of the episode, they discuss the dynamic between John and the people around him in a really insightful way, and in a way I’ve often thought about it; both John and the people around him were all kind of in this mindset of “oh, Paul rejected us? Well, we didn’t want him ANYWAY! So THERE!” They also discuss the fact that John was very easily manipulated, and nearly his entire support system (minus Ringo, and shame on them for not mentioning that) basically egged his anger and viciousness on. And they also play/read some interviews with John about the song and tangential subjects, and it’s always nice to hear primary sources.

However, much like their post about Lewisohn, I find a lot of this episode excessive, overtorqued, and generally far too exaggerated. They perceive an imbalance in narratives (which I do think is there, just not to the extent they say) and overcorrect, imho.

First, I want to get my opinion on the song itself out of the way: I listen to it a lot. It’s on my Fall 2020 playlist. I enjoy the musicality, the style; the mood it evokes is extremely strong to me. Sometimes it’s fun to indulge in feeling evil or mean without having to actually be evil or mean! Plus, I love playing it right before Jealous Guy, or Steel and Glass, or I Know (I Know), just to get that maximum John Lennon Mood Whiplash effect. I think George’s solo is vicious and perfect for the mood as well. However, the lyrics are pretty horrendous in terms of their effect on Paul and his feelings; they’re also horrendous in that they’re just not well-written lyrics. IMHO you can tell it was written by three different people all throwing insults at the wall to see what would stick and rhyme. Half of the digs don’t even make sense. “So Sgt. Pepper took you by surprise/You better see right through that mother’s eyes” Wut? “The one mistake you made was in your head” ??? The hell do these things even mean lmao

Anyway. Onto the episode itself.

Around 1 minute in, they say that there’s not a lot of check and balance in the Beatles fandom w/r/t this song, and that much of the fandom espouses that HDYS was “deserved” and “honest”. They reiterate this sentiment over in different ways throughout the episode, and I just do not see that kind of thing being a majority opinion in Beatles fandom spaces at all. Perhaps they are occupying different fandom spaces than I occupy (tumblr/Hey Dullblog/beatlebioreview), and it is true where they are? (In which case, my goodness, find some better blogs to follow, babes!) They talk about how they’ve never seen anyone pick it apart before, and that the discussion around it has not changed, that people have been saying Paul deserved it since it came out. Again, this is does not jive with my experience in the Beatles fandom.

From Shout!, a book with a well known anti-McCartney streak, published in 1981: “John’s Imagine album - despite the plea for universal peace and brotherhood in the title track - launched a thermo-nuclear strike back at Paul with ‘How Do You Sleep?’ a title suggesting crimes almost in the realm of first-degree murder. The McCartney references were unmistakable, and, often, cruelly unjust: ‘The freaks was right when they said you was dead... The only thing you done was Yesterday...’ There was even a two-fingered gesture of contempt for Paul’s new outdoor life with Linda on their Scottish farm.” Also, the RS review spends two paragraphs talking specifically about how heinous and unjustifiable HDYS is. You can definitely say that rock journalism takes some of the attitude of HDYS and runs with them, such as Paul’s music sounding like muzak - that sentiment certainly persisted. But I would argue that most of the shit journos are reacting to and buying into comes from Lennon Remembers primarily, where John says all the same crap and more, and worse, rather than HDYS itself, which they seem to balk at.

They make the claim as well that the Imagine LP has been elevated to some kind of untouchable, un-criticizeable status. In the years after his death, I think there is probably some truth to that, although again, untouchable is an extreme word. Even in 2003, the LP was number 80 on Rolling Stone’s top 500 albums of all time. However, it was 227 on NME’s list in 2013 and dropped to 223 on Rolling Stone’s new 2020 list, suggesting a waning in popularity over time and a willingness to look more objectively at the quality of it.

The thing that really bothered me about this episode is like... They talk about the need for nuanced discussion of the song, right? And that’s all fine and good, and I agree, nuance in any Beatles discussion is essential if you want to get close to any actual truth. However, they then go on to say, quite adamantly, that if you say the music of the song is good, even if you think the lyrics are awful, then they wouldn’t even bother having a conversation with you. It’s very “We want nuance! NO NOT LIKE THAT! YOU’RE DOING NUANCE WRONG!” Like, I’m sorry, the music is good, in my opinion! John is very good at evoking a mood! The fact that I think George’s solo is incredible, or that the keyboard riff gives me chills, or that I think the bass goes super hard, doesn’t mean I don’t understand how rough the lyrics are or the effect they had on Paul. In fact, imho, I think it’s important that we discuss how quality the music is because it underscores the calculated cruelty John exhibited. He worked hard on this song. He wanted to create a very specific feeling out of it, and he succeeded in spades. I think if it had been crappy musically, people would have been much more contemptuous of it than they already are. As I said earlier, some of the digs don’t even make sense; I think they’re bolstered and propped up specifically because the music underneath them is so good. Also, it’s not fucking wrong to enjoy a groove.

I also take some issue with them saying that HDYS was easily among the worst things John ever did. Like... equivalent or worse than going on anti-Semitic, homophobic rants? Yikes.

There are many instances in this episode where they will go “I often read things like...” or “Jean Jackets will say...” or “I see this a lot...” and then never actually talk about where they see these things or quote directly from them. One instance goes “I often read things like, ‘John Lennon is expressing years of pent-up resentment over creative differences’, as if John is some kind of, like, drunk art teacher doling out free advice to Paul on his music.” I’ve read a lot about HDYS and I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like that. Just about every discussion of the song I’ve seen says very clearly that it was an unjustified, deeply personal attack. I realize there is an aversion to publicly Naming Names when you’re calling out people who perpetuate a bad narrative. But I want to know where this stuff comes from. I want to actually see what it is they’re upset about.

Lastly, they talk near the end about music innovation and experimentation, and this is where I think things go much too far in overcorrecting a narrative. The well-known narrative for many years post breakup was that Paul was a boring square who wrote granny music. That is true; he was much maligned in the press about that. However, I think post-Hertsgaard, post-Revolution In The Head, post-Complete Recording Sessions, and post-Many Years From Now, that attitude has changed quite a bit. Most serious Beatles fans know now that Paul was the first one to really get into Avant-Garde stuff; most fans know about the fact that he made McCartney 1 basically alone in a homemade studio. Most fans have probably heard or at least heard of Temporary Secretary, lmao.

But it feels like these women are still living in the past where Paul was still being maligned for being a square, so instead they go way far to the other end and say “Paul was the musical innovator, not John.” And that is just flat out NOT true. They were BOTH musical innovators. The fact that Paul was the first to get into avant-garde art does not exclude John from also being incredibly innovative and experimental in his own way. Perhaps he wasn’t doing that on Imagine; they are right that Imagine is a collection of really good but fairly commercial songs. But they utterly discount the fact that he did Strawberry Fields Forever, and I Want You (She’s So Heavy), popularized backmasking, was one of the first if not the first to use amp feedback in a song in I Feel Fine, experimented with recording his voice differently with Tomorrow Never Knows and Revolution, and also the entirety of Plastic Ono Band!!! You don’t have to downplay or erase John’s experimental contributions to music in order to elevate Paul’s. You can elevate both of them. It’s fine.

Also, this is the episode where they say Lewisohn’s book is exactly the same as all the other Jean Jackets books except thicker, and I have a viscerally bad reaction to that for many reasons I have already outlined on this blog. Suffice to say, it is demonstrably untrue (not least because Lewisohn hasn’t published anything in his Tune In series that goes beyond 1962) and unfair to someone who has done an unbelievable amount of legwork to back up his writing. They also compare Lewisohn to Goldman (???????) and call them John and Yoko’s “fuckin bitch boys saying the same shit over and over again.” I have to imagine Goldman was a misspeak and she meant someone else, but still that jarred me lmfao

[cultofbeatles]

beginners guide to the members of led zeppelin (kind of)

a disclaimer before anyone starts reading: we all know led zeppelin is shady as hell and we hardly ever get anything confirmed or denied around here. so some stuff is up for speculation. everything in this post are things i've read in books, heard in interviews, or got from some other source. when it comes to “facts about led zeppelin” sometimes you gotta take it with a grain of salt. but honestly it’s led zeppelin we’re talking about, anything is possible. also this is all in good fun and giggles. with that being said, let’s get started with introductions to the members themselves.

jimmy page 

james patrick page 

born on January 9, 1944 

he’s a capricorn sun, cancer moon, and scorpio rising so you just know he’s a crazy motherfucker 

was an amazing session guitarist and basically everyone wanted him 

went to art school bc he’s just talented at everything i guess 

if you didn't know already he played the guitar for Joe cocker’s ‘with a little help from my friends’

declined his first offer to join the yardbirds but later decided to join 

was the last member to leave the group

basically was the leader of led zeppelin 

was gifted a telecaster guitar by his friend jeff beck and he adored it 

and he painted a cool dragon design on it 

played on it for the first led zeppelin album 

when he was on tour one of his friends painted over his dragon design and ruined the guitar 

he produced all of led zeppelin’s albums and is responsible for the remastering of those same albums 

paid for led zeppelin’s first album to be produced with his own money

deadass would have whips and handcuffs around with him on tour for the groupies 

but was apparently an amazing lover and cared for the people he slept with

one time he got naked on a food cart thingy, put whip cream over his body, and had john bonham push him into a room with groupies in it 

has such a small and soft voice 

was fascinated in aleister crowley and his work

would collect crowely memorabilia 

even bought crowley’s boleskine house 

had a bookstore at one point so he could get books easier 

struggled with addiction to drugs for most of the seventies 

went on a liquid diet late seventies and refused to eat solid food 

he got really skinny bc of it :( 

miss pamela (one of his girlfriends/lovers) once said that jimmy cried on the phone to her over her playboy photoshoot lmaoo

once flied pamela’s pet raccoon in first class 

allegedly had a relationship with lori maddox who was about 15 years old 

laughed as two of his girlfriends were fighting each other 

was kind of constantly nervous about his and the band’s image

has amazing guitar solos and improvisation but damn sometimes they drag on foreverrrr

deadass scared the shit out of david bowie so much that he had his house exorcised and would avoid jimmy at parties 

we love demons 

zoso

he’ll never tell us what zoso means and I'm mad

had two people die in his home. one was a friend who died from a drug overdose, and the other was john bonham when he died from choking on his vomit.  

has been accused for the deaths of john bonham and robert plant’s son karac bc of that stupid “curse” rumor

deserves critiques for several things but doesn't deserve hate for that 

has been through a lot and come out pretty okay

produced his current girlfriend’s, scarlett sabet, spoken poetry vinyl 

check out scarlett’s work bc it’s amazing

would probably always be down for another led zeppelin reunion 

robert plant

robert anthony plant 

born on august 20, 1948

this is the most attractive man ever. do not argue with me. 

nicknamed percy 

wasnt jimmy’s first pick for a singer 

jerry reid suggested robert to jimmy. and when jimmy asked what he looked like jerry said, “like a greek god.”

jimmy thought something was wrong with robert when he first found him bc he was such a good singer and hadn't been signed yet 

after a practice together jimmy knew he had his singer 

he would call robert “the young guy with the powerful voice.”

he thought about leaving the band early on bc he was so nervous about being in it 

convinced john bonham to join the group bc they were the bestest of buddies 

he’s not credited on the first album bc he was still under another contract 

started song writing for the second album by jimmy’s memory 

it didn't take long for him to gain confidence and start owning the stage 

once when he was performing a dove flew in his hands 

there’s an audio of him singing john bonham happy birthday and it makes me so happy 

he would call himself a greek god 

would party with john bonham a lot 

kind of the hippy of the group 

moans moans moans and even louder moans into the microphone 

would wear women’s shirts and looked amazing in them 

nurses do it better 

not to mention his super tight jeans 

we all know his dick is huge and he’s just showing it off 

has the prettiest, fluffiest blonde hair 

and the sweetest smile 

can you tell that i find him attractive yet?

has a fear of earthquakes 

also supposedly had some sort of a relationship to an underage groupie named sable starr (14)

also has a fear of led zeppelin nowadays 

either fear or amnesia 

it’s likely that he’s the reason we’ll never get another led zeppelin reunion 

though a close friend thinks that if the show went to charity robert would probably do it 

robert loved john bonham too much to play in led zeppelin without him

and i respect that a lot 

no matter how much he’s offered for a show he turns it down every time

in 1975 he got in a severe car crash and ended up being in a wheelchair 

still went on to record zeppelin’s album 

once while recording on crutches and started to fall and jimmy apparently zoomed in to save him. robert never saw him move that fast before

his five year old son (karac) died from a sudden stomach illness while he was in america on tour

absolutely crushed him 

was deeply upset that neither jimmy page or john paul jones reached out to him during that time of his life 

john bonham was there for him though 

robert apparently never forgave them for that 

a car he was working on fell on top of him and crushed some of his ribs as well 

late seventies was not a good time for robert plant 

but he got through it all like a champ

hates stairway to heaven with a passion lmao  

one time he paid a radio station a shit ton of money just to make sure they'd never play stairway to heaven again 

almost didn't sing stairway for the 2007 reunion but ended up agreeing to it after all 

he said he breaks out in hives when he has to play that song 

he and jimmy made their own symbols. robert’s is the feather inside the circle 

in 2007 he won beard of the year 

john bonham

john bonham 

born on may 31, 1948

nickname is bonzo

oh boy, there’s a lot of stories about bonzo 

he was known as the nicest and sweetest guy ever 

unless he was drunk 

he drank a lot :/

denied jimmy’s offer to join the group and continued to deny it until robert convinced him 

once flew the starship (led zeppelin’s plane) even though he didn't have a license to 

hated touring so much 

he always missed his family 

so he drank 

he was so damn crazy when drunk that the other members would book rooms floors above where his was so he wouldn't disturb them

tore about his hotel rooms like no other 

he has a son named jason bonham who he loved a lot 

bought him a nice drum kit when he was younger 

jason is just about led zeppelin’s biggest fan next to jimmy page 

one time bonzo broke a girl’s vibrator when drunk

also punched a girl in the face when drunk once bc she waved at him 

partly responsible for the famous mud shark story where a girl was apparently fucked with a dead shark by him and zeppelin’s tour manager 

liked cars a lot 

really really loved his family. cannot stress it enough

was irked that john paul jones got out of playing shows during the christmas holiday and he didn't 

punched robert in the face once too 

him and john paul jones equals the best rhythm section ever 

jimmy would call it magic how well him and bonzo got along 

bonzo could handle anything jimmy threw at him 

he wasn't really a part of it, but he had to go to jail bc peter grant and two other dudes almost killing a man (long story omfg, but apparently the doctors had to put the dude’s eyeball back into his socket)

was there for robert when karac died 

they were really good friends 

there’s an interview with them together where bonzo is laughing at robert about his little farm 

gave good hugs apparently 

played drums like no other could and knew he was good 

but still sometimes got insecure and got upset when someone he looked up to said his drumming wasn't all that special 

his symbol is the three rings and he picked it out of a book like john paul jones did his 

he died in jimmy page’s house (not the crowley house btw)

he had to drink the equivalent of 40 shots of vodka and choked on his vomit in his sleep 

led zeppelin died on the same day 

nobody can replace john bonham 

his son filled in his role for the 2007 reunion show and did an amazing job of it. the whole show is on youtube, go check it out

john paul jones

 john richard baldwin 

born on january 3, 1946

nickname is jonesy 

was also a session guitarist like jimmy 

they had worked together before 

when he found out jimmy was forming a group he called jimmy and was basically given the spot immediately 

not only was the bassist but also the keyboardist 

and could play the recorder 

insanely talented. put some respect on his name 

he talks in italics i swear to god 

i don't have mainly crazy stories about jonesy bc he wasn't about that life 

deadass he would go on stage, perform, walk off stage and go to a whole separate hotel from the other

he would only tell one person where he was at and told them not to call unless for super urgent emergencies 

pissed peter grant off so much lmao 

wasn't really super close to anyone in the band tbh 

but bonzo was probably his greatest friend in the band 

jimmy and robert kind of leave him out in my opinion 

or they use to 

when he found out that jimmy and robert were making their own symbols instead of picking out of a book like he was he said “of course!”  and laughed 

was pretty much left out of the live aid show 

he had to squeeze himself on the stage and wasn't even able to play bass. he had to play the keyboard 

“and thank you to my friends for finally remembering my phone number” -savage as hell john paul jones 

he was one of the two people who found john bonham dead 

it’s sad to think about

is actually quite funny

he has this kind of dry humor?? idk but it’s amazing 10/10 content 

when john paul jones walks into the room interviewers break into a sweat

managed to look like a completely different person every year throughout the seventies or is it just my eyes?

has an Instagram account now go follow it for cute throwback photos lol

that’s all i really have for generic useless information about led zeppelin members for beginners. i hope it was somewhat entertaining. i'll make some more beginners stuff for led zeppelin. i will make y'all stan them lmao. i'm tagging @babygotblueeyes​ bc i know for a fact you want to get into them <3

[ballplayersxo]

I know this is a safe space to say this: Unless something drastically changes in the next 2-3 games, DEVIN ARMANI BOOKER DESERVES THE MVP.

As I’m sure you guys all know, talking about sports on the internet is so annoying. This page and surprisingly the sports only threads on LSA are the only places where you can have a differently opinion and not get hit with “YoU dOnT eVeN wAtCh SpOrTs” or “YoU oNlY sAy ThAt CuZ yOu ThInK hEs CuTe”.

People are really in their bag about CP3. Is he a great player? Yes. Am I excited he’s gonna get a ring? Yes. Am I about to call him the leader of the Suns and give him the credit for the turn around? Absolutely not!! If you say Devin deserves FMVP they see/hear ��Chris Paul is trash and doesn’t deserve anything”.

I’m sorry, stats are stats and Devin has outperformed Chris Paul in the regular season and playoffs so far. The only thing Chris has been leading in is assists. You know who else was was putting up similar assist numbers? Ben Simmons lmao sooooo let’s keep the same energy folks. When Chris missed those two games against the Clippers, his absence wasn’t even felt.

Someone tried to hit me with his “historic stats” in comparison to Devin. I’m like so we’re gonna sit here and act like he hasn’t been playing 10 years longer than Devin? 🥴 “Oh well why didn’t they make it to the finals before?”… umm idk the same reason CP3 didn’t. Like I thought our selective comprehension when it came to our baes was bad, but nobody suffers from it more than sports fans - namely men or the women who feel the need to overcompensate - on Twitter and IG.

That is the end of my dissertation.

this is why i love it here cause we see right through through the foolishness! i agree with basically everything you’ve said but my other issue with the sudden deification of chris paul is that everyone forgets that he’s one of the dirtiest players in the league. for years there have been reports and articles and whatever highlighting how dirty chris paul is and it’s amazing that suddenly everyone has forgotten how this man has tried to injure & serious hurt SEVERAL players. i remember when everyone used to talk about how a lot of people in the league didn’t respect him. he was always very sneaky & malicious with what he did to other players but he manages to get away with all of that. i don’t think boogie was lying when he said that’s why nobody respects you or something like that cause cp3’s reputation of this goes back years.

with all that being said, i’m not saying he doesn’t deserve the success he’s getting now and despite all his past shenanigans i’m actually happy for him and i like him off the court especially, but let’s be honest with ourselves. the way the media is so far up his ass and likes to sanctify cp3 as the second coming of christ who has never done any harm to anyone is kinda fucked to me. this sudden rebirth as the epitome of how players should lead teams and carry themselves is really something. the media and their narratives that they come up will use these qualities of his rebirth to potentially snub devin for the 3rd time this year. now if cp3 plays better and deserves the fmvp, i won’t be upset at all. but if there’s a daylight robbery? we’ll see.

[the-mighty-glow-cloud]

Quantum Break and Mass Effect for the ask meme

ooohhh two of my biggest fixations, especially recently hehehe

for Quantum Break:

1. The first character I first fell in love with honest to god it was charlie wincott, i would kill and die for that 5'6" king 2. The character I never expected to love as much as I do now full disclosure? jack joyce himself, i went into the game expecting him to be a typical bland cishet white man protagonist but i was very pleasantly surprised and i love him so much now after two playthroughs (i really should've expected better from remedy having played alan wake and control beforehand but) 3. The character everyone else loves that I don’t i'm not super in tune with the general consensus about qb characters (comes with being five years late to the game lmao) but i would assume there's probably a significant number of people who genuinely like paul serene? i absolutely can not stand that close-minded son of a bitch holy shit he makes me so angry always, like just because you've been to the end of time doesn't mean you know everything you bastard 4. The character I love that everyone else hates i think this would also be charlie, again i'm not very familiar with the general opinions of the characters but i feel like i might be an outlier in thinking he very much deserved better (especially if you choose control at the last junction?? like holy shit my boy didn't deserve to get got like that, surrender was absolutely the better ending) 5. The character I used to love but don’t any longer i'm not sure i have a good answer for this, like i genuinely love pretty much everyone in qb? remedy does an amazing job writing their characters imo 6. The character I would totally smooch um yes hello absolutely charlie and jack and beth 7. The character I’d want to be like beth hands down, she's That Bitch and i aspire to her level of planning and sheer resolve, she basically carried the entire plan to avert the end of time on her own back 8. The character I’d slap PAUL SERENE PAUL SERENE PAUL SERENE also dr. amaral, i understand that sending beth forward to the end of time was a crucial component of repairing the fracture but damn what a fucking dick move in the moment 9. A pairing that I love i don't do a whole lot of shipping personally (in any context, not just qb,) but i am kind of considering writing some jack/charlie into my qb/control fic so do with that what you will 10. A pairing that I despise i assume there are people who ship jack and paul and i absolutely can not make peace with that i will not accept it, i love me a good enemies to lovers arc but i just do not like it for the two of them

for Mass Effect:

1. The first character I first fell in love with Tali 100%, i loved her from the moment i saw her and she ended up being who i romanced with my first shepard (who i really should finish replaying me3 with in legendary edition, i got very distracted with quantum break lmao) 2. The character I never expected to love as much as I do now i'd say legion, i thought they would be kind of boring at first but after my first couple of runs through the series i really came to love them 3. The character everyone else loves that I don’t probably thane, i think he's ok but i can't say i love him :/ also if any of y'all love ashley i'm going to fight you i fucking hate her with a passion and have done so for like eight years ever since i played me1 the first time 4. The character I love that everyone else hates i can't really think of a character everyone hates, feel free to tell me your hated mass effect characters and i will say whether i like them or not 5. The character I used to love but don’t any longer probably also thane, i used to sympathize with his whole situation with kolyat but unfortunately due to personal reasons i no longer do (': 6. The character I would totally smooch tali absolutely 7. The character I’d want to be like probably liara, i really relate to her enthusiasm about a niche research topic and fervor for pursuing that in the face of criticism 8. The character I’d slap (obligatory khalisah al-jilani joke) but fr the illusive man can catch these hands i hate his smug ass so much 9. A pairing that I love personally i think tali and liara should kiss, i will not elaborate 10. A pairing that I despise despise is a strong word but i've personally never been all that into shakarian, i love garrus but i've just never been a huge fan of the pairing

[biclarisselarue]

TON in a giant nutshell:

Apolo and Meg are coming back to NY to the final battle with Nero, but one of his minions (a Gaul named Lu) used to be Meg's legal guardian and trained her so they share a bond™ and Lu wants Meg to be safe so she betrays Nero. The three of them now are looking for shelter since Nero has eyes basically everywhere so they once again ask for the Jackson's help. We get two chapters to meet Estelle (giggly, cute and has salt and pepper hair despite being a baby and Sea green eyes that Percy got from Poseidon. Plothole? A Poly relationship? Who knows). Sally and Paul are kind as always and we learn that Percy graduated, and even If the school was really shitty for him he worked really hard. Now he is in a roadtrip to the west coast in the family Prius with annabeth and Grover.

Anyway, Lu, Apollo and Meg come up with a plan to fool Nero. Lu is captured and Apollo goes to chb with Meg because he needs Nico's help. Nico and Will are cute boyfriends and he seems more comfortable with himself and that relationship but Nico has ptsd from, you know, everything he went through and Mr D is helping him deal with It all.

Nero said that Apollo had two days for surrender before he burns the whole city so there isnt much time for preparation. Will, Nico, Apolo and Meg leave to find Rachel Dare because she can help them with their plan to stop Nero.

The plan is: Apolo and Meg surrender going through the front door. Meanwhile the other three, along with these strange frog-like creatures wearing hats that are REALLY good underground, find another passage to Nero's tower to disable the huge trap of greek fire he has stored. That goes a bit sideways but ultimately works.

Huge battle, another trap, Nero is a abusive peace of shit with Meg but in the end they manage to defeat him so now Apolo has to go alone to fight Python

He goes down to Python's lair and they fight. Apolo is about to lose, in a not-mortal-but-not-god state, but again he manage to defeat the snake, throwing it into Chaos. Apolo is in a bad shape but Artemis takes him to Olympus, his godhood now reatored. But it's bittersweet because he has seen how hard it is to be a mortal and he no longer feels part of the Olympians. He acknowleges how abusive Zeus is to everyone (including to Hera) and decides he is going to be better and break the cycle

Final credits: Rachel can see the future again and it is quite happy about it

Nico and Will receive a prophecy, and a voice (maybe Bob?) Is calling him for help from tartarus.

Jason is dead tho he appears in a dream and seems in peace with his fate

Piper has a girlfriend named Shel, she says she's figuring out who she is without Hera's or Aphrodite's pressure and seems to be doing well

Thalia and Reyna are best Hunter buddies, and they go to Jo and Emma's station for a visit. There, Leo is teaching mechanics to street kids and developing a sibling like relationship with Reyna and Calipso decided to try highschool.

Hazel and Frank are well respected praetors and seem comfotable with their positions

Percy and Annabeth are going to college in New Rome. Percy didn't decide his major yet but he seems happy and Annabeth is going to take a double run (I think it's called that) in UC Berkeley. Their dorms are still empty and they are going to have a lot of time there together (👁️👄👁️) before their classes start

And Meg gathered her adopted siblings and went to her old house in Palm Springs, where she lives with Lu and a lot of dryads and Nature spirits

And Apolo says he is going to remember and be there for the demigods whenever they need.

This is incredible oh my god wow, thank you so fucking much. A poly relationship ahahhaha that made me cackle, the idea of dorky theatre dad paul and weird tries-too-hard-to-be-cool hawaiian shirt dad poseidon both with the absolute hottie that is sally? what a mental image. 

percy’s going to college :’) he did it :’) 

awwh that’s actually really sweet that mr. d is helping nico deal with his shit because mans got a lot of shit to deal with and i bet having the god of ritual madness on your side would be helpful (hopefully... if nico stays on his good side lmao)

and yeah FUCK ZEUS okay im a bit :/ that he didn’t denounce immortality because now that would have been epic but cool.. still down for the calling out of zeus i hope there were some absolute zingers in there

another prophecy. rick please. stop it. let them rest. enough. im so tired. having another prophecy at the end of a book series? that’s cringe buddy

PIPER HAS A GF. I AM HAPPY. that is all. this is my main takeaway and quite possibly one of the few things that i care about from this book. wish it had been reyna but you know what piper has two hands okay

asdhkajhda the eye emojis about percy n annabeth being alone in the dorm and spending a lot of time together. personally, i know me and my then boyfriend of the time spent a lot of time... together during a reading break when my roommate was gone.. anyway good for them. good for them :) they deserve nothing but happiness now and im glad they weren’t pulled in for the final battle 

my soul can rest now and i can focus on writing either too fluffy or too angsty percabeth to my hearts content 

(until he announces another five book series with nico and will. so do not rick. do not.)

[dodgergilmore]

1: Idk about Rory having a regressive effect on Logan, since he shifts from bad to good (and then bad again) in the series as their relationship goes on, but he definitely seems to have a regressive effect on her, at least when it comes to her romantic relationship with him. Those 'hot takes' from their fans always annoy the fuck out of me though, because it's not actually them being like 'well they're both kinda terrible so

I guess they deserve each other', it's them basically showing that they'd sooner have their ship as an affair than anything else, while desperately clinging to this idea that it's somehow a good thing, when it's obviously not. Rory knows that the 'agreement' they have is bad in AYITL, and even though the Paul thing is suuch a badly written joke (and something that I can never really see Rory doing), for the latter half of the series, you can see her begin to realize that it can't go on with Logan, and she actually chooses to break it off herself both times. The whole thing with her being pregnant doesn't mean that she'll automatically get back together with him, esp when she already broke up with him AND went to ask her own father about Lorelai raising her on her own. And imo even if she has the kid on her own, (which is a valid choice since it's her body), that doesn't mean that Logan can just swoop in and save her? Esp when she made it clear that she didn't want that from him at the end (lol for a fandom that loves being all 'uhm Rory loves Logan!' they certainly love ignoring Rory's choices whenever they involve not choosing him). Anyway, Logan imo def represents someone who brings out Rory's more negative sides because she always goes to him whenever she wants to escape her own life and issues (and this happens several times in season 6 before she goes back to Lorelai).

Yeah, as I was typing that I was like “hmm I don’t think regressive is the word I’m looking for here...” basically what I had in mind was the ‘Logan changes for Rory’ line of thinking – he makes these quick decisions in their relationship that appear to be growth, like when he wants to be in a committed relationship and then brings her to dinner with his family in the same episode. But after Rory rejects his proposal, Logan ends up in much the same place as where he began: in London working the family (I think?? I don’t even remember lmao) business, tied to a dynastic plan and romantically uncommitted. All of that is a roundabout way of saying that Logan may make positive changes while with Rory because he wants to be with her, but ultimately those changes don’t progress his character in a meaningful or lasting way.

Even when non-shippers say they deserve each other just because they dislike both characters after the revival I’m like... really, though? You’d rather have two characters continue to spin around in a cycle of bad, repetitive choices rather than see how the characters can come back from this and be better? I watch a lot of television and have thus been disappointed by many shows and this sort of thought has just never crossed my mind, so I struggle to wrap my head around it. Find something more interesting to do with the characters!

The fact that Rory is the one to break it off with Logan during AYITL is pretty significant, I think, considering she is never the one to make that definitive choice: Dean in S1 and his public breakups in S3 and S5; Jess goes to California and only sees Rory on the bus because her first class was cancelled; the one-sided breakup from Logan’s end during mid-S6 and then when she says no to his proposal, which he makes out to be all or nothing; even Paul is the one who does the breaking up. The only exception I can think of is when she doesn’t want to casually date Logan anymore but that choice changes within the same scene. In these instances, Rory is only able to react to what’s been done because she can no longer make an active choice in the matter. Obviously a child would change the circumstances but Rory has made her choice with regard to Logan as a romantic option, and kids can’t act as band-aid fixes... especially to what has clearly run its course. Sometimes, love just isn’t enough and it seemed like Rory realised that throughout the revival. Yep! Logan has pretty consistently been a source of escapism, which can only go on for so long until it inevitably ends.

(I definitely think the running Paul bit was given no more thought than ‘this would be such a funny joke haha’ which is highly annoying because it comes at the expense of Rory’s character, ugh!)

While we’re on the topic of AYITL and characters making their own choices, I suppose I’ll just let out how wild the talking point of ‘Logan would’ve broken off the engagement if Rory told him to!’ during that whole “Are you really going to marry Odette” scene is to me......please, he is a grown man! If he doesn’t want to marry her then he doesn’t have to, and he shouldn’t be sitting around waiting for someone to tell him not to because like I said, grown man. Logan could break it off and live his own life whether Rory wants to be with him or not, but he chooses to stay because to some degree he must be content with his life. So if Rory were to "choose” him, that leaves them with two paths: Rory stays with him in London in a life that has little room for her, or Logan uproots his life – potentially dropping all stability in his life – to wherever Rory is in a life that has little room for him. This paragraph started off as me being annoyed with people babying a grown man and placing so much of the responsibility on the woman but I think I managed to find a point there lmao

[belle-keys]

Here’s me roasting some foreign language literature

2/7 of my final exams are finished so I will be roasting all of the Spanish and French literature books that I studied over the last two years, ranking them in order of how much they should have existed in the first place, uwu.

Spoiler: I have no idea what I’m talking about.

8. Pays-Mêles and Nanna-Ya by Maryse Condé.

Main idea: Men are trash.

Synopsis and Review: Two novellas about the legacy of colonialism in the French and English Caribbean. Umm, women suffer a lot, racism exists, rich kids are treated like breeding mares, guys beat girls a lot, everyone’s life is kinda suckish. I... I think that’s it, lmao. I swear I’d rather die than ever have to reread these stories beyond for my exams. I just can’t tell you what the point was. This was painful, but Condé raises important questions concerning négritude and the partiarchal nature of Caribbean society so I can’t give this nothing.

Rating: 1/5

7. El coronel no tiene quien la escriba by Gabriel García Márquez.

Main idea: Go vegan.

Synopsis and Review: This was almost as bad as Condé, but it’s not last because I have a special fondness for Colombia and Colombian history, and I also love seeing la mujer stick it to el coronel. It lowkey reminds me of my parents. I, personally, as a being, would have curried the rooster a long time ago but not everything is about me. A lot of absolute nothing happens in this book and I won’t pretend otherwise. It’s just a lot of old people basking in their own futility and impending death. It’s borderline painful except for one scene where el coronel thinks he’s talking to a dead guy out of nowhere. That was fun. Also, screw Sabas.

Rating: 1.25/5

6. Un Papillon dans la Cité by Gisèle Pineau.

Main idea: Diasporic life is overrated.

Synopsis and Review: Okay, a kid narrates this book and it was kind of annoying for me. But, all that happens is that Félicie goes to France and realizes that it ain’t shit and that she misses her Grandma. It’s basically 5 chapters long, but there’s admittedly some commentary and subtext about why white countries aren’t the Promised Land and also, the writing style was sometimes interesting to me. That being said, I lost a lot of hours on this book.

Rating: 1.75/5

5. Une Si Longue Lettre by Mariama Bâ.

Main idea: Disappointed but not surprised.

Synopsis and Review: So our resilient Senegalese queen Ramatoulaye is writing a letter to her BFF as they discuss exactly how their husbands have (repeatedly) failed them. Basically, Ramatoulaye’s husband got a second wife behind her back who happens to be a girl that’s his teen daughter’s age i.e. the daughter’s friend. Ramatoulaye says “screw it” and decides to just be completely independent from him. Now, this is the most interesting thing about the story... the details about their childhood and the political background of the country didn’t interest me as much. Anyway, the hubby dies which triggers Ramatoulaye to write the letter. Whoop.

Rating: 3/5

4. Cuentos de Eva Luna by Isabel Allende.

Main idea: Only women deserve rights.

Synopsis and Review: This is an anthology of short stories about ~the human experience~ and features a lot of feminist rhetoric, commentary on European imperialism, humanity, power dynamics, and love. And sex. Lots of fade-to-black-the-CW-type sex scenes that we had to discuss with our teachers, lmao (save me). Anyways, the stories we zoned in on were beautiful and empowering even despite their conciseness. Nonetheless, my issue with this book is the *ahem* magical realism. Eye- okay, listen, I get that the stylistic choices of Allende are to create a fable-like reading experience for the reader, to enchant them, whatever, but for me, personally, sometimes her writing style in these stories comes across as a wee bit pretentious. Maybe that’s the whole point but I found myself cringing enough to remember this detail.

Rating: 4/5

3. Bodas de sangre by Federico García Lorca.

Main idea: Woe is me! *snatches babe*

Synopsis and Review: I love this play so much, I almost put it second actually. My sole qualm with it is that everyone is so fricking extra in this bitch that I’m like “stop lamenting to the moon and start stabbing each other please!”, but other than that, this is exquisite solely because it’s full of drama and angst. Mutual pining, cheating, forbidden romance, secrecy, discourse on the validity of the bride’s virginity? It’s all there, bud. Leonardo is a bit of a bitchass but I imagine him as a hot Enrique-looking ass type guy so I can’t really blame the bride. Out of all the main characters on this list, I only want to fight Leo slightly less than the MC of my #2 pick.

Rating: 4.5/5

2. Les Mains Sales by Jean-Paul Sartre.

Main idea: Eat the rich.

Synopsis and Review: Okay, Hugo is the biggest bitchass of all time, but like, he humors me with it, okay. Olga is the baddest HBIC ever, and Jessica deserves better. Anyways, the discourse on power and politics and capitalism through pure dialogue was enough to hook me yet not overwhelm me. The constant foiling, and every passive-aggressive conversation between Hugo and Jessica was worth the 8 weeks of studying it. The ending made the entire story even better than it already was. Everything in this play boils down to “I’m insecure and I wanna die but then I wouldn’t be able to fight the bourgeoisie so what now?”.

Rating: 5/5

1. La Casa en Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros.

Main idea: You can run, but you can’t hide (from yourself).

Synopsis and Review: This is so beautiful that I didn’t even need to take this book in 2020 yet I still think about it all the time. It’s the most lovely in-school book I’ve read in secondary school. This is a book that’s meant to be read only in Spanish, because the translations of the vignettes aren’t done any justice in English. Anyway, it’s a collection of short stories and vignettes about Esperanza, a young chicana girl in Chicago dealing with her internal, familial, and cultural issues. It’s hella freaking inspiring so go learn the Spanish language and read it. Now.

Rating : 6/5

Anyway... I’ll miss some lit classes. But not all.

[readbyred]

BIG FAT CHALLENGE CATCHUP

Well I did make it myself so I might use it as well. Here’s the challenge btw

1. First date - Luz

2. Villain/superhero AU

With Merula Snyde

3. Matching outfits with... Luz

I can't draw arms if you haven't noticed

4. Ideal movie to watch on a date with Richie Tozier is

Anything scary tbh but the woman in black is by far my favourite and we would have a lot of fun too. Although honestly, any new horror is good so that we could watch it in the cinema

5. Richie Tozier appreciation post y’all

Okay so over the years (me consuming the miniseries, the book then both movies) his image had sort of melted into one very chaotic asshole.

I don't think anyone gives him enough credit but he’s super smart. Like it’s canon he does amazing at school (except for behaviour of course). And yeah, he’s not the bravest, he leaves, he freaks out sure but he comes back. Like, especially in the book he idolises Bill so much and goes after him wherever even if he’s scared because he wants to help his friend and it's more important to him. They all were in danger and he was loyal enough to stick through all that, I'm tired of authors making him the disposable asshole of the group. Also I think he‘s funny. Yeah, crude too but I really like listening to his comments and voice impressions. And he supports his friends a lot even if he does act like an ass who doesn't care. And most importantly I think he’s very strong. He risks his life for friends even if he thinks it's going to end badly, he puts up with all the bullying and abuse from his peers despite how violent it gets, he doesn't let anyone discourage him from his hobby. Lastly (not to make this a whole essay) I think it's cute how chaotic and energetic he is too, his taste in movies is superior and I think he’s just amazing

6. Newest f/o gush so Ted

Okay so this man basically owns my heart now lmao

Also those are just things I haven't said about him already

Okay so i’ll try to make it less messy. So starting with small things - I like how much he likes musicals, you can literally hear how upset he is that Paul possibly got to see a flash mob and he didn't record it. And when the cops dance everyone is freaking out because they all are infected too but he just gets so hyped up with how good it looks and it's the cutest thing. And don't get me started on how cute he acted during The show stopping number like I- and also he has this habit of getting close to the person he’s talking to, I noticed it when he talking with Paul in the first scene he steps back to check his reaction and goes closer again. And generally talks with his hands a lot too. And oh wow Bill said ‘head’ instead of ‘ass’ but the first insult he could think of is “you noodle” and I just feel the need to mention it. Also, he wants to just have friends and I know he’s not totally a good or easy person but it's just not fair how he isn't given any chance. I think to some degree he thinks he doesn't need it and his love life (or whatever the hell that even is) is proof of that. As soon as he started consistently seeing someone who wasn't even interested in him (romantically that is) he just wanted to be together. No matter how much you dislike him I think we can all agree that the requirement for a relationship shouldn't generally be someone who semi-willingly wants to spend time together. Like it’s canon he knew Charlotte was sleeping around and didn't care as long as her abusive husband wasn't the one she stayed with and he was. Of course, I know how he is, he gets frustrated, he’s a coward and says terrible stuff when he’s upset. But I really do think he deserved better and I really like him nonetheless. He’s also funny, smart and I like the way he talks. I would love to write 6 times as much but I made this catch-up 2 days ago so the prompts keep adding on and I don't want to make it any longer tbh

7. Best quote by my main f/o so - Ted

Not best as in my favourite but it's,, something

[laufire]

Dollhouse

the first character I ever fell in love with: I can’t actually remember who was first. Among other things, this show first grabbed a hold of me for its themes, and only later the characters (basically because I can’t say I cared much for the leading couple and the others took a bit longer to get to know properly). It most likely was Adelle.

a character that I used to love/like, but now do not: another one where I haven’t changed my mind lol. Just two seasons is such a short time...

a ship that I used to love/like, but now do not: ditto.

my ultimate favorite character™: this is one of the few shows where I can’t quite say for sure. I’m going to say Priya today lol.

prettiest character: Priya *-*

my most hated character: “hate” is a strong but I didn’t care for Echo or Paul. I softened later when the writing deconstructed some stuff, but overall... eh (in another show I could’ve loved Echo, but the actress, much as it pains me to say, didn’t work for me. And the recurrent One Special Girl themes annoyed me to no end). I also had mid-to-strong contempt for some of the clients lol.

my OTP: Priya/Victor are THE OTP. Your faves could never etc. etc.

my NOTP: Echo/Paul, I guess. Though frankly I have Issues with most of the ship combos in this ‘verse xD

favorite episode: 2x04 AKA “Belonging” AKA YOU KNOW WHICH ONE. Great Priya episode, great Topher episode, great Adelle episode, great Priya/Tony episode, heartbreaking like nothing else... *chef’s kiss*.

saddest death: both Mellie’s and Bennett’s hit me hard.

favorite season: if I’m honest it’d be a mashup of the last half of s1 and the first of s1 lmao. Nah, it’s s2. There was a bit in the middle when it frustrated me BUT it turned to be a misdirection so I forgave it.

least favorite season: s1, in that case.

character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but I hate: I have no idea of how the fandom feels about Echo or Paul. It’s not like I ever see content of them, so I’m guessing they fell as flat as they did to me for a lot of other people? And I had mixed feelings for Boyd right up until the end, though I don’t think my conclusion matches most people’s (it was kind of like Dumbledore, in that I felt vindicated and that cut any possible hostility short xD).

my ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave: Adelle and Topher.

my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave: Sierra, Victor, Madeline, Mellie... bbys.

my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but I still love it’ ship: given that the only ships I truly loved were Priya/Tony and Bennett/Topher, none. I liked some others (Adelle/Dominic) and had... complicated feelings on a few, but not so far that it’d give me a “need to cleanse my soul” feeling lol.

my ‘they’re kind of cute, and I lowkey ship them, but I’m not too invested’ ship: Kilo and Mag from Epitaph Two are the first one that came to mind. And I lowkey shipped Echo with Daniel Perrin simply based on Faith/Wesley being one of my fave rareships in the Buffyverse lol.

[sunsetsover]

ideas on ballum’s first date? and does ben enjoy running his fingers through Callum’s hair just as much as callum does? p.s hope your holidays improve 💕

thank you, they weren’t so bad but i’m very glad to be home lmao 💞

ok so i went a little bit overboard w this but this is me we’re talking about, it’s to be expected lmao but i did them in bullet points for clarity !!

so ideas for the first date:

it’s awkward as hell at first lmao

ben is still in a lot of pain from his injury because he isn’t fully healed, and also he’s lowkey a nervous wreck bc he realizes this a big deal for callum!!! but also it��s a big deal for him too!!! he likes callum!! he doesn’t want to fuck it up!! for callum’s sake, and the sake of their Thing that they have going already

and callum is highkey a nervous wreck for a multitude of reasons…. mostly it’s the gay thing bc it’s all so fresh and new and he still can’t walk around the square without feeling like ppl are staring at him…. and he realizes a lot of it is paranoia but also like….. he’s just split up w whitney, and everyone around walford knows them and knows him and what’s happened and like there’s just no anonymity….. he kind of wishes they could get on a train and go somewhere else, somewhere where they can slip into the crowd where no one knows them so callum maybe won’t feel like everyone is watching them and judging him but ben can’t risk going too far away from home yet….. which is fine it really is he’d rather be safe than sorry and it’s Just A Pint anyway not a big deal……. it’s just that callum kind of wants to crawl out of his skin a little bit….. no biggie……….

(but callum still goes on the date, because of course he does. he wants to go out for a drink with ben. he does. that’s not the problem. the problem is everything else.)

so yh they go to e20 (it’s not ideal but the alternate choices are the vic, which has too many prying eyes, and the prince albert, which is too much too soon for callum) and it’s really awkward at first bc ben can sense how nervous callum is - jumping at every noise and constantly checking over his shoulder and can hardly sit still

and at first ben is a little bit put out bc he hasn’t had a problem keeping a man’s attention in a Long Ass Time but then he remembers what he was like when he was in callum’s shoes and can’t really be mad at him lmao….. he just is maybe kinda sad abt it bc this date is Weak and callum deserved better

so after a while ben asks callum if he wants to leave and callum is like ’???? wtf no’ bc he doesn’t even realize how jumpy and distracted he is

and ben is like ‘it’s ok if you do, i don’t mind, i get it’ and callum is really just sitting there like ???

so ofc bc callum isn’t saying anything ben starts rambling like 'maybe this was too soon, you have just broke up with whitney and you’re still getting your head around things, i don’t want you running into things when you’re not ready’ etc 

meanwhile in his head he’s like ben u Fuckin Idiot!! u’ve fucked it up!!!!!!! u’ve pushed him too hard this is too much u should have just waited!!!!!!!!!!!

that is until callum interrupts his rambling by Very Firmly saying 'ben, if i didn’t want to be here, i wouldn’t be here’

that shuts ben up lmao

after that callum makes a more conscious effort to relax and actually pay attention to ben and it doesn’t take long for callum to actually relax and forget where he is and everything that’s happened and enjoy ben’s company

and ben keeps having a go at cal for making him laugh bc it hurts and every single time callum gets really serious and apologetic which only makes ben laugh harder :-(

by the end of the night they’re sat practically pressed together in one of those rounded booths and neither of them know how they ended up like that bc they were on opposite sides when they sat down but neither of them really care :-)

they don’t stay out too late bc ben’s still a little out of whack from his injury, though it’s callum that insists they leave bc ben keeps being like ‘one more drink’ even tho cal can see him drooping w exhaustion :-( poor ben just doesn’t want it to be over bc tho the date started weak they have completely turned it around :-(

ben perks back up once they’re out in the fresh air and immediately starts teasing callum abt the fact that he’s walking him home

“proper gent you, ain’t ya? i can’t remember the last time someone walked me home after a date.” “you’re injured, i’m hardly gonna leave you to walk home by yourself am i? what if something happened to ya?” “what, during the five minute walk between e20 and my dad’s?” “you never know.” “just admit that you’re hoping i’ll invite you in for a nightcap.”

callum kind of freezes up at that but ben just gives him That Look and a small shove and says 'i’m joking, callum’

when they’re at the door to the mitchell’s ben turns to him with this soft smile and says 'don’t take this the wrong way, but i think we’re a bit too old for snogging on the doorstep while my dad’s probably sat in the living room’ and callum laughs and looks at the floor all shy because he doesn’t feel too old. he feels like he’s sixteen years old and he’s just been on his first proper date and this is all new and exciting to him.

(he supposes it is, in a way.)

and then ben very softly asks 'wasn’t so bad, was it?’ and callum smiles at him and shakes his head and ben smiles back and whispers 'good’ and leans over and kisses him on the cheek - it doesn’t linger quite as long as the last one, but this one feels different. warmer. like a promise of more to come. and he can’t help but grab hold of ben’s hand as he unlocks the front door and squeeze it as they say goodbye :-)

and they’re both so fucking enamoured w each other in that moment that both of them forget to ask for a second date lmao

so yeah it’s a pretty good date in the end lmao

as for hair stroking!!

he never really gets into hair stroking at first on account of the fact that callum is just So Fucking Tall and he always has his hair covered in gel so he can’t just do it absentmindedly the way callum does…… 

the few times he’s tried it’s awkward and not at all suave and natural the way callum does it, and then callum will complain about ben fucking up his hair and ben will end up with a sticky hand and like… there are more fun ways to end up in that situation….

besides it’s not like ben isn’t physically affectionate in other ways !!! it’s just that hair stroking is more callum’s thing

that is until one day callum practically passes out with his head on ben’s chest and all ben can see is the crown of his head…. his hair lookin soft as hell… smelling good bc he just had a shower…. and like what is ben gonna do? not stroke it?

and he’s glad callum is asleep tbh bc he has to like… figure out what works best…….. bc it’s not like lexi’s hair and it’s not like paul’s hair and it’s not like he has much experience with stroking anyone else’s hair…. so he’s like. Experimenting

and then he starts scratching at the shorter hair behind callum’s ear and cal makes this little sighing noise and presses closer to him and ben is just like oh ???????????????

so he keeps trying different things and callum just keeps on making these happy sounds and pressing his face more into ben’s chest and it’s just like…. game over….. he can’t believe This is what he’s been missing out on

or at least it’s game over while callum is asleep bc ben is Shy and doesn’t want to make a bigger fool out of himself in front of callum than he does already……. but like once callum’s unconscious? it’s game over

and callum has suspicions bc he keeps waking up to ben’s fingers tangled in his hair but it’s weird bc like…. why does he only do it when he’s asleep?

so, because he has learned from his other half Sneaky Bastard Ben, one day he fakes falling asleep just to see :-) and sure enough ben hands are in his hair within minutes - he starts off just gently rolling a bit of callum’s hair in between his fingers, but before long he’s full on stroking his fingers through the long part of callum’s hair

and callum pretends to be asleep for as long as he can but after a certain point he just can’t keep the smile off his face

and ben gets all huffy bc he’s embarrassed :-(

but callum just laughs and kisses ben’s chest and moves closer to him so he has easier access to his hair and ben resumes his stroking Immediately bc it’s like instinct now :-)

after that anytime they’re cuddling they basically cannot keep their hands out of each others hair

ben even takes to scratching at the hair on callum’s nape in public (when they’re sat down ofc bc callum is still So Fucking Tall) bc he can’t get to his favourite bit bc of the gel :-( so needless to say ben very quickly starts to hate the gel and tries to convince callum to abandon it but he won’t bc he thinks the slicked back hair makes him look Professional

ben pouts about it but he also kinda likes being the only one who gets to see his soft floppy hair now

anyway long story short, yes ben likes running his fingers through callum’s hair just as much as callum does, it just takes him a little while longer to catch on lmao

💖💖💖