#basically i love emotional angst with a good resolution

[whostarlockeda03]

If someone magically wrote you a fic tailored to your taste, what would it be about? 👀

Hi Anon!

Not gonna lie, this stumped me for a bit XD I like a wide variety of story types, but after much deliberation, I think this is it.

It'd be about a character (probably Ghost or Price for CoD, or Nyx or Prompto for ffxv) who is too used to having to alter parts of themselves to be seen as "worthy" or "acceptable" by other people. They've been told about all the ways they're wrong over the years - "You can't like that, it's a girly colour!" or "You can't just sit around here all day - go outside!" or "Stop fucking crying over it, you're supposed to be a boy." slowly transforming to "Real men don't fucking cry." and "I don't get why you like this show, it's stupid, and not even funny." and "You're such an oddball." and "You look horrible, don't you put any effort into your appearance?" and "You're impossible to make happy." - and they've always tried to alter themselves to appease everyone, hiding their interests, shoving their feelings to back of their mind, adopting whole new personalities around different people just to make sure they liked him. They've done that for so long, that now, when confronted with a trusted person who says they like/love them (romantic or platonic) for them, the way they are, they realise that they have no idea who they really are anymore. There's no sense of self, of their own personality, likes or dislikes, nothing. There's just a collection of different "acceptable" personalities for different people. And even despite having those - despite trying so hard for so many different friends, or family, or co-workers, teammates, senior officers, everyone - they've never let themselves believe they could be loved. Are they still an actual person at all if they don't have any of their own identity? The ensuing crisis would be ugly, to say the least. They don't know who they are anymore, so how could anyone possibly like them that way? But it's not like they can confide this to anyone, is it? They can't tell someone that they're basically faking their way through every single interaction with everyone around them. So instead, they turn the problem over and over in their head when they're alone. But they don't get any closer to figuring anything out. They just end up breaking down into tears when they're alone, followed by a feeling of complete numbness, which they feel even underneath the gloss and veneer of the different personalities they still wear like costumes. Eventually, they can't hide the turmoil anymore. The person who claimed to love them for them finds out what's eating them up inside, and helps them. Trusted person doesn't shy away from finding out their real interests, always being encouraging and considerate with voicing opinions while they figure themselves out. A long while later, they're hit with another realisation - they've found a place where they can be themselves now. They've found people who do actually like them for them, who don't think their interests or cringey or childish or stupid, who don't think they're weak for liking certain colours, or for crying when they're upset. They'd never let themselves believe they could have it, but now that they irrefutably do, they're never letting it go.

Heh, this got a lot longer than I thought it would 😅😅

[jaal-ama-daravv]

dissecting act 3 & emmrichs final romance scene (mortal & lich)

dissecting the graveyard scene dissecting the mortal romance path scene dissecting the mortal emmrich argument scene (all routes) emmrich x rook cinematic (mortal)

lich version dissecting the alternate romance path dissecting the argument scene (lich path) dissecting the emmrich romance scene (lich) mortal vs lich romance path emmrich x rook cinematic

look this is half a thirst trap post im not gonna lie to ya

ACT 3 - OH MY GOD.

Now. We all know that dreaded argument scene that fills us with angst and really gets us in our feelings for the final 4 hours. which was 100% done on purpose, thanks bioware, you succeeded. i did in fact regret that conversation and cried immensely

We have the argument with Emmrich, then we have our mini resolution of Emmrich trying to apologise, and Rook responding with, "We'll talk back home Emmrich, I promise."

Fast forward an hour, and ive just about pulled the plug because emmrich gets trapped by Ghil, someone dies, and then we are sucked into the fade - trapped. FOR WEEKS.

I truly wish bioware included flashbacks, or rook being able to see the lighthouse whilst they were trapped so that we see our LI panic, and fret. Can you imagine Emmrich? The last conversation they had was a fight, and a fight that stemmed from love at that. regardless of the route you took, both rook and emmrich regret that argument deeply. I mean deeply. And most likely regret not saying, i love you in that moment. or any moment. god when emmrich got sucked up by ghil i was locked IN. nothing was stopping me.

Emmrich wouldn't of been able to sleep, he wouldn't of been eating, he would've been working day AND night like a dog on the dagger. he wouldve been irritable, he wouldve been incessant, he wouldn't of been put together, not clean shaven. id bet money on this.

despite bioware not giving us a good reconciliation scene or a glimpse at what happend during those weeks - BOY DID THEY FUCKING EAt with the pulling you out of the fade section. Oh my god. Emmrich's voice being timed right after Varric saying with "You have everything you need", AND THEN PULLING YOU OUT OF THE FADE WITH HIS ARM.

anyway - AFTER T H A T.

You have the romance scene (mortal dissection | lich dissection)

and then my god - i have no words - literally - just look

goodbye ovaries

The Final Goodbye (Mortal/Lich)

Now these are the exact same for both mortal and lich, ill tell you when its different below - to which this is dissapointing as I feel like the final romance scene is so 'meh'? it's very idk, scripted. I feel like there needs to be a dip in emmrichs voice when he says i love you to rook - maybe its just me, but regardless, its meh meh to me. the whole scene is just kinda -

I'll skip to the romance part anyway as there is nothing of substance in the first half

1. I love you, too.

I feel like - underwhelmed with this response. its just slapped on like a bumpersticker

2. I'm glad we met.

I cannot believe that this line of dialogue is hidden beneath the most basic of thought processes - i love it

its emotonal - its hopeful

YESSSS - PLAN WITH ME!!!! This is digustingly impactful if playing the mortal path. the man has hope for the future. oh I need not say more for its delivered so wonderfully.

HEHE

3. Be safe. I can't lose you.

I thoroughly enjoy this path, I feel so much emotion from Rook and Emmrich in these lines. the worry, the love. although it is kind of a shock to the system because we still went from. OH MY GOD DEATH, to oh yeah death with Emmrich.

exactly how the argument scene should've went, BUT, I get it, now if only we had a reconciliation scene in the middle or a conversation, i'd have no notes and be out of business

Now here is the divergence, of like two lines, that occurrs directly after the above dialogue

Lich Version

Mortal Version

its sweet, its sensual, its loving. but there no oomf. theres no, fear. the mortal version is my preference here as I like the slight reminder of emmrich being alive. in saying that, considering what we have been enamored with and reminded of at every single quest of his. but in the last romance dialogue its, gone? the fear overcome? one line, one word makes a difference. idk man. like I have my full speculation that there is a sequel with rook and companins again, and if there is ill let this go. but if this is it, WITH no epilogue screen? please, as much as i like fanfiction and headcanons and art. id like it IN the game.

a fantastic romance, but a stale last conversation. IN SAYING THAT. I choose to look past it as much as possible as it is sweet and I just love him.

ANYWAY, love you all, im pen for questions and the full emmrich dissection with all my very detailed explantions is coming in a few days

♥

[aventurineswife]

A kinda specific and maybe long but fun idea i had for a req:

Essentially, {and bare w me, i’m half asleep writing this lol} Reader x Sunday, and Reader is a childhood friend of his, who he loved, and someday when they were older, Reader was tragically killed in an incident. Sunday however, in a grief stricken state, decides to rebel against his original goal for the sweetdream paradise (penacony arc reference) and decides to shape it into a dream instead where he’s happily married to Reader, although for the sake of the dream he’s altered their memories. ending is essentially up to you!

{some additional ideas i had if you wanted to, were things like an argument between gopher and sunday, or robin and sunday, in whichever points of the story you wanted}

alternatively, a different Aventurine version would be interesting, mostly w the same set up but Sunday met Reader during Aventurine’s mission on Penacony, liked them, and Aven has to basically fight off the dream and Sunday.

but yeah, that’s pretty much it, everything else is up for creative liberties! i hope this one is at least somewhat interesting lol xx and srry if some of it doesn’t make sense 😓🤍

“Sometimes, the hardest part of letting go is realizing that the dream was never real”

Summary: In the idyllic yet hollow world of Sweetdream Paradise, Sunday crafts a perfect life with you—his lost love, altered memories and all—to escape the sorrow of reality. But as others begin to break through his illusion, and you start to remember fragments of a different fate, the dream begins to fracture. Torn between love and the harshness of truth, Sunday must finally face the choice to let you go, or remain forever in his self-made paradise.

Tags: Sunday x Reader, unrequited love, grief, loss, dreamscape, bittersweet ending, altered memories, memory manipulation, moral dilemma, angst, hurt/comfort, alternate reality, surrealism, slow unraveling, denial of reality.

Warnings: Grief, themes of manipulation, psychological trauma, implied death of Reader, reality distortion, emotional conflict, bittersweet resolution, morally ambiguous decisions.

A/N: Don't worry, anon! I appreciate all the details, the more details the more I can try to understand what you want exactly! Though I probably changed some bits of it here 😪

Sunday had always been proud of his role within Penacony, the creator of Sweetdream Paradise—a place where sorrow could be stilled, where suffering dissolved into an endless realm of serene dreams. It was a comforting reality he believed people needed, a soft oblivion to cradle them. Yet, in the depths of his mind, his peaceful philosophy hid a darker purpose, shaped by the ache of a loss he could never endure.

You had been his friend, a constant light in his youth, a companion who grounded his dreams. For as long as he remembered, you were there, with laughter that melted his worries and eyes that could see through his layered philosophies. But the day you were lost, taken too soon in a tragic incident, the world itself had hollowed out for him. The pain of your absence haunted him like a shadow, feeding a grief so deep that he was willing to defy his original purpose. In that moment of desolation, he turned Sweetdream Paradise into something far more personal—a realm where you still lived, where you loved him just as much as he had loved you.

In this new dream, Sunday made alterations. He reshaped your memories, softened the sharp edges of reality, and wove a seamless history where you had married him, where together, you built a life free of tragedy. In this dream, he could protect you eternally, shielded by his crafted illusion.

You woke to sunlight filtering through the windows, lying beside Sunday as the golden morning glow danced over his features. His eyes opened, catching you with a familiar warmth, and he reached over, brushing his fingers across your cheek.

"Good morning." he murmured, voice low and rich, as if savoring the simplicity of that greeting.

Every day was like this—a gentle, perfect rhythm that never seemed to break. You didn’t remember a world outside of this home, this life with him. And as you looked at him, you felt safe, loved, yet there was always a faint unease, like a fragment of something forgotten.

But the days went on, filled with laughter and love. Sunday seemed devoted to making sure you never doubted this world, his every word a reassurance that here, you were whole and happy.

One evening, as Sunday worked quietly at his desk, a visitor shattered the peace of his dream. It was Robin, standing just inside the doorway, her expression dark with a kind of wary sadness.

“Brother, you need to stop this,” she said, folding her arms. Her gaze fixed on him, seeing through the veneer of the dream. “This isn’t right. This… this paradise you’re keeping isn’t reality.”

Sunday straightened, his face hardening at her words. “Who are we to deny people peace, Robin? Haven’t we seen enough pain? Haven’t they?” His voice broke slightly, the facade slipping as he glanced toward where you sat by the fire, unaware of the intensity in his voice. He softened, as if trying to protect the dream from any trace of discord.

“You’re keeping people trapped. Yourself included. And for what? A fantasy? Is that really what they would have wanted?” Robin’s voice grew more urgent, her frustration showing. “They’re gone. You have to accept that.”

Sunday’s fists clenched at her words, every fiber in his body resisting the truth. “How could you understand?” he whispered. “In this place, they’re alive. I’m not hurting anyone. I’m giving them peace. Doesn’t that count for something?”

Robin stared at him, her gaze a mix of pity and sorrow. “At what cost, Brother? You’re keeping yourself from moving on, holding them hostage in a world that isn’t even real.”

In an alternate version of Penacony, Sunday’s paradise faced an even stranger twist. Aventurine, the cunning Stoneheart known for his strategic mind, was on his own mission in Sweetdream Paradise, seeking information that only Sunday could provide. But as he delved into the fabric of this dreamscape, he found himself questioning the reality around him, the shimmering dream where Sunday lived an idyllic life with you.

Aventurine confronted Sunday one night, his tone half-amused, half-concerned. “Interesting setup you have here,” he remarked, eyes gleaming with curiosity as he took in the flawless surroundings. “I almost believed it myself… almost. But what happens when the dream can’t hold itself together anymore?”

Sunday’s gaze narrowed, his protective instincts flaring. “What do you mean by that?”

Aventurine shrugged, his gaze flicking to you, sitting quietly, oblivious to the tension. “Everyone in this place… it’s all too perfect, isn’t it? You’re clinging to a memory, one that doesn’t belong here.”

In a rare flash of anger, Sunday stepped forward, his eyes darkening. “This isn’t any of your concern, Aventurine. Leave.”

Aventurine met his glare, his smirk slipping. “You think you’re the only one who’s loved and lost? Reality has its flaws, Sunday. It’s messy, painful… but it’s real. This—this is just a prison you’re keeping yourself in.”

Sunday’s voice trembled, caught between anguish and fury. “Better a beautiful dream than a brutal reality.”

Aventurine’s gaze softened for a brief moment, though he couldn’t abandon his sardonic tone. “But at least in reality, they would have remembered you for who you are, not a god in a gilded cage.”

In the end, it was you—within the dream—who finally confronted him, feeling the intangible pull of memories you didn’t recognize. “Sunday… something doesn’t feel right,” you whispered one night, as he sat beside you. “I keep… remembering pieces of something different, something that feels like it wasn’t supposed to end this way.”

Sunday’s face grew pale, fear creeping into his eyes. “No, you don’t have to worry about that. You’re here. We’re together. Isn’t that enough?”

But as you searched his eyes, you could feel the truth breaking through, the dream trembling under the weight of reality. “Sunday, what are you not telling me?”

He looked away, his heart shattering as he realized he couldn’t keep you here forever. Slowly, he whispered, “I… I just wanted to keep you safe. To give us a life that didn’t end in sorrow.”

With a trembling hand, you reached out, brushing a tear from his cheek. “It’s okay to let go. You have to keep going… even if it means letting me go.”

Sunday’s shoulders shook, the dream beginning to unravel around them, pieces of the illusion fading as he looked into your eyes one last time. “I… I don’t know if I can.”

But in the final moments, he felt your hand slip away, leaving him alone in the vast silence of his own grief. And as he awoke from his dream, Sunday found himself in a world still plagued by loss, his heart hollow yet somehow freer. Though you were gone, he understood, at last, that he had to face reality, no matter how painful it was.

And in that pain, he found a fragile hope—a sliver of light breaking through the dark.

*cutely posts all my drafts that have been dying to see the light* 😇💖

[rqnvindr]

fountain of tears

pairing: neuvilette x fem!reader

genre: angst, fluff/comfort

word count: 1.8k

synopsis: neuvilette finds you standing by the fountain, alone the rain after an argument. his hidden turmoil can only be solved by hearing your voice again, tender, and unfiltered.

warnings: archon quest spoilers, arguments

a/n: I HAVEN'T POSTED ANY WRITING IN AGES BUT I HAD TO WRITE SOMETHING FOR MY OTTER HUBBY! enjoy!!

--

"this is pointless. i'm out."

your words wound neuvilette, the pain shooting deep into his bones. they ring over and over again in his conscious, louder than any vibration that had ever emanated from his cane to resume order during a trial. he sits in his office trying to work, but his thoughts don't subside, not one bit.

he ponders, staring at the stacks of papers in front of him, documents regarding cases that needed to be reviewed in due time. but not today. the amount of time he had in between today's working hours and the next trial reassured him that he could hyper-fixate on the last thing you said to him before storming out the door.

it's strange that he isn't worried for your safety as much as he is over the feelings rooted in your actions. the chief justice knows that humans are more fragile than those who have lived for eons. those who have experienced centuries of change were capable of adapting to different and unexpected circumstances through changing forms, and bestowing ancient powers of the past that contained the wisdoms and strength needed to guide them. he should be more concerned for where you could've possibly have gone within the last day. but he knows that you are also acquainted with a certain traveler that had recently arrived in fontaine and caused an uproar with the hydro archon in court already, everyone was. there's no way they could've left now, taking you with them on their travels. they still had unanswered questions left for lady furina. it is still a possibility though that you're at least staying with them, since you two were in good graces.

you weren't from fontaine though, and the image of you packing your bags and going home by yourself made him shiver. you did say you were heading "out" after all. he had to consider all of the possibilities.

neuvilette was new to human relationships. how long did it take for humans to draw the line? it varies for everyone, since they are given the freedom to dictate their personal connections to others to a certain degree. but how much was too much for you? when it came to you, he not only wanted to understand humans more, but also just you. he wanted to delve into all of your laughter, all of your worries, all of the sighs that escaped your pretty lips. to grasp it and memorize it all, was his greatest desire.

without you, he would basically lose his purpose for inserting himself into the realm of mortality. you already got him this far, and on top of that, he concluded that you were causing him to feel foreign emotions from removing yourself from his sight. even if it hurt, this was a test included in his journey that he had to endure.

but neuvilette does not want to face the predicament without a resolution. instead of wallowing, he decides to leave his office. he was already working overtime anyway, hoping to just drown in reading the same pages over and over again to keep himself grounded. was he always this sensitive? in his mind, he imagined the beings of the past looking down on him.

it's pouring rain when neuvilette steps outside. ah right. he doesn't need another reminder that his sorrows inconvenience the ordinary citizens of fontaine, who are just trying to make it to work on time, rush their loved ones to the doctor, and just go about their lives without the weather impeding on them. people barely carry umbrellas though, they're all accustomed to this and it's too unpredictable (at least for them it is).

he decides to start backwards, far away from the court of fontaine. he heads to the opera house first, and he finds you on the first try. how could he ever mistake you for someone else? you're the only person he has eyes for. especially when you're standing by the fountain of lucine, and carrying a distinct umbrella in a small crowd of people, most of whom appear to be flocked around the opera house's entrance, probably catching magic shows and other performances.

neuvilette is uneasy when he notices how close you're standing to the fountain. you're inevitably drawn to the grand structure that welcomes audiences from within the borders of the land and beyond to the renowned location. the spectacle that delivers the arts and the law all the same. but beneath its beauty lies danger that erases those who get too close. many fontainians had lost their lives from seeking the wonders of what lay beneath the waters that decorate and surround the hydro region itself. by wanting to delve deeper into it, they subsequently drowned, their lifeforce dissipating into the shackles of the streams. both the knowns and the unknowns of the primordial sea were sufficient reasons to express caution towards the lands waters, even if one was not a native who was subject to becoming one with their origins.

if you were to become the next victim, the rain would proceed to crash down and become one with the fountain in a continuous flow of precipitation. and then fontaine would be known as "the land of storms" rather than "the land of justice".

as he approaches the fountain, neuvilette's desire to pull you away and drag you back to him with no hesitation stirs. yet, it immediately dissipates when you turn your head, and give him what he guesses is a contemplative look. the white-haired man chooses his words carefully. giving you a lecture about the rumored dangers of the fountain's ability to dissolve human beings would only alarm you. he should use the rain as an excuse to find somewhere safer, if you still weren't ready to return to your shared residence.

"it-"

"i know. you're going to ask why i'm standing out here as if it isn't pouring rain." neuvilette barely gets a syllable out before you take the words right out of his mouth. you guys always had a habit of finishing each other's sentences, and even in a moment as anxiety-inducing as trying to make amends when you were mad at him, his heart melts. goodness, why did you have to be so lovely?

"if i were to let the rain impede everything, i guess i'd be a shut-in." you shrug. "it's been raining non-stop for the past couple of days. and no one seems to question it, so i just go along with it as if it's completely normal for it to be bright and sunny one day, and then cloudy and rainy the next day."

when you finish your thoughts, neuvilette still waits for you to continue. he was somewhat relieved that you were able to talk to him normally, but knew that there had to be more you had to say. were you going to officially end things between you two? say that you needed more time to think about the state of your relationship? he wasn't going to talk you out of anything, or start a debate. he respected your decision no matter what, even if it were to sting, he had to hear it. and the conversation had to go somewhere if he also wanted to deliver his side as well.

"i have heard some of the locals say though, that whenever it rains in fontaine, it is because the hydro dragon is crying." you say, as you gaze up at the sky. "i don't know if you have ever heard of it, but if such a tale were to be true, then i wonder what he could be going through for it to be pouring rain every other day."

neuvilette hopes he hid how quickly he blinked. normally he was good at hiding his reactions to hearing this "legend". although he never wanted to hide anything from you, the truth behind the mysterious precipitation was something he hadn't had the best opportunity to tell you about.

"yes, this is an old legend indeed. i often hear parents and caretakers telling this to children, whenever it's too wet to play outside." this was as much as the chief justice could water it down. he really did not want to lie before approaching a sensitive topic.

"as much as i would love to continue hearing the knowledge you have extracted from your time here, i have come here with another objective." neuvilette says. "i wanted to apologize for upsetting you. i have also been worried about you for the past few days. you do not have to disclose your whereabouts from the period in which we were apart, but i am happy that you're safe."

"it's alright, really." you reply calmly. "i was also in the wrong for storming out like that and not communicating with you. i was pretty upset, yeah, but i should've just told you that. i'm sorry for being immature and leaving you in the dark."

neuvilette notices tears streaming down your eyes. as your head tilts downward, they drop to the ground and blend in with the rain droplets. instead of offering you his handkerchief, he gently caresses both sides of your face with his gloved hands. you lean into his touch more, until you're wrapping your arms around him in a tight embrace, letting your umbrella drop to the ground. he reciprocates, stiffly at first, but then holds you with no intentions of letting you go.

you're no longer choking back sobs, and then the sky clears up as the rain comes to a stop. you pull away from the hug to observe the sky, staying connected with your hands intertwined this time.

"wow...the hydro dragon must have been distraught watching us as if we were his new favorite play or something." you laugh.

neuvilette chuckles, knowing that you would of course find the occurrence to be a mere coincidence. "it seems that he must be quite fond of you, my dear."

"well, i'm already taken so i guess he will have to stick to me being his favorite character." you shrug obliviously with a smile.

as your lover, neuvilette has adjusted to being more vulnerable with you. you had seen the good and the bad sides of him, the latter especially during the latest argument that the two of you had now cleared up. and even then, you still let him back in. he doesn't have to worry about baring his entire soul to you now, and will slowly navigate you through his past and identity as the hydro dragon, who entered human society as the iudex. the vulnerable figure whose emotions affect the weather, and struggles to connect with others. you're the one worthy of knowing the truth though, and he makes a promise to himself to never hide anything from you from here on out.

[reccyls]

Would you be able to give us a review of azels route after you’re done?? With spoilers if possible

Thank you!!!

I've now finished both endings of Azel's route so here's my review of it + answering a few other questions that I've received about different aspects. This will have a lot of spoilers that will impact a blind experience of his route, so do bear that in mind

So briefly, some questions out of the way:

Who falls first, Azel or Emma? - I think Azel does, but it takes him a really long time to even begin considering love as a possibility given his prior experiences. Emma also takes a while to come to her own realization about what her feelings really are but she's much more decisive about it than Azel is once she does realize. This is definitely a slow burn route, you're going to be waiting until chapter ~20+ or so for things to really start coming together in the relationship department.

Which ending do I prefer? - Romantic for sure. It actually portrays a couple of things that were just implied/mentioned in the Dramatic, and has more callbacks to earlier moments in the route, namely: Azel's eldest brother who had been exiled, the true identity of one of Azel's attendants, Obsidian's involvement in Tanzanite, the significance of some mentioned side characters, how Azel actually faked his death. It also answers a bunch more questions like why Azel respects Silvio so much. I also think it has a more emotionally satisfying resolution to some other aspects of the story. Also it has some hilarious moments too. The emotional whiplash I got going from chapter 24 to 25 of the romantic was something (I mean this in a good way).

Which do I find more realistic? - Hmmm, well, both of them do go into quite fantastical territory. Azel can just visit people's dreams apparently and that's not really given an explanation. All in all I would have to go with Romantic I think, mostly because it relies less on the Acolyte's semi-hypnotic incense as a plot device.

How spicy is it? - Quite tame. No smut in the route itself (it's offscreen in dramatic route, and only kissing in romantic). There's the start of some smut in the epilogues for each route, but still not a lot, mostly just the foreplay is described.

Things I liked about Azel's route:

Azel's really cute. I love his dynamic with Emma. He's the most obvious kind of tsundere and it's so funny to see him backpedaling furiously after Emma catches him being nice to her or accidentally admitting he likes her or thinks she's cute. The pinching cheeks thing is adorable.

The side characters. The route's equivalent of Cyril/Cyran, Roderic, etc. There's one in particular that is so much fun but you have to play the romantic end to really get the most out of it: Kamal, Azel's eldest brother. He initially appears as one of Azel's attendants, posing as a mute woman because he had to hide his identity. He drops the disguise in the romantic end and gets to interact with a lot more characters--Emma, Silvio, Azel, and Enis--and it's so much fun. (As a note, Kamal is an okama/onee-san archetype character, so you could interpret him as nonbinary/bigender/genderfluid/a man who just likes crossdressing/etc as you like. The one thing I don't think he is is a trans woman because he never protests at being called Azel's brother, but hey, headcanons never hurt anyone!)

Emma and Silvio's friendship. This was so unexpected but they bounce off each other so well, it's really nice seeing them with each other.

Angst, I love angst. Chapter 24 of the romantic route was a masterclass of angst: it ends with Azel dying on a stage in front of pretty much all of Tanzanite, and the attire story is basically everyone in mourning as Emma has a flashback to the last night they spent together. We as the readers who have seen the ending CG previews and/or know that Cybird won't really go there know he isn't actually dead, but Emma doesn't.

The overall conflict and plot I think is quite predictable, but I don't mean that in a bad way. The hints that are dropped everywhere build up to a coherent whole and come together in a satisfying way. The value that Azel places on free will and the ability to think for oneself is very obviously leading to a plotline where Azel seeks to end Tanzanite's dependency on him and his prophecies, and the hints we get scattered around everywhere are leading to exactly how he intends to do that: there's been a bunch of fortune tellers who have been attacked because their fortunes go against Azel's proclamations (Azel has been deliberately telling false fortunes to break people's faith in god); Obsidian has been trying to smuggle in shipments of weapons to help destabilize Tanzanite (Azel uses a gun to help fake his death); Azel's room has books of all sorts scattered around everywhere including books on astronomy (the prophecy about Tanzanite losing its moon refers to a blood moon + eclipse, Azel has been studying from astronomy books to calculate the precise time to pull off his plan), etc. The foreshadowing works quite well imo, though some hints admittedly do come up quite late (like the existence and exact text of the doomsday prophecy only becoming known around chapter 18/19)

Things that could be iffy for people:

Azel's backstory and a lot about his situation is pretty blatantly sympathy bait, but I think that's par for the course with Ikepri. It worked really well for me but it may not work as well for other people.

If people didn't like Motonari calling the Ikesen MC a slave, this crops up a lot in Azel's route with him frequently calling Emma his slave/indentured servant due to the debt that he blackmails her into

As I mentioned a little bit above, there are some supernatural/magical elements that just remain unexplained and are never really brought up again. Azel's dreamwalking ability being one of them, and probably the most egregious. It doesn't really have plot importance as far as I recall, it's just there at the very beginning and the very end of the romantic route. Also aphrodisiacs are a thing (they happen once early on, and also at the very end of the dramatic route), but there's no dubcon because of that.

It makes sense in the context of the story, but the message may not sit right with other people: Emma's epiphany about true love is "to wish for the best for someone else, even if it hurts you" in the context of letting Azel go through with his plan of committing suicide for the sake of his country, vs the Acolyte/Azel's dad wanting to stop Azel from dying (so he could remain in control of Tanzanite's people by brainwashing them essentially). She had tried to convince him otherwise, or tried to think of ways to fake it, but in the end she relented when she realized that dying was what Azel really wanted to escape the caged existence that being Tanzanite's god put him in, and was he thought was the best path to get Tanzanite to stop relying on divination for everything and to start making their own future. We know that Azel never really did intend on dying for real, but in the moment, that is not really a great message to send.

I'm not great at separating my bias from how I perceive something, so I'm probably being very charitable towards Azel's route. But I really did like it! I think it's revived some of my interest in Ikepri because I really am curious about how Azel and Emma's relationship develops from now on (I'm going to die during this year's June bride/proposal event......)

[sunset-telepath]

i powered through unraveled mostly out of a morbid sense of horror and disbelief and i must ask, will we ever be graced with sunset's thoughts on this magnificent and infallible work of literature?

Very bold of you to assume I have opened the cover of this brand new item in Ms. Messenger's oeuvre (or that of Stellarlune, for that matter). As a responsible critic, I cannot give a review of the book itself - but I can give a readout of my immediate emotional response to the plot points I heard from various commentators as they went chapter-by-chapter reacting to the plot of the book.

In summary, my response is also perfectly described as: "a morbid sense of horror and disbelief." Thank you for putting my immediate reaction into words because I hadn't yet. I would compare the feeling of hearing what's going on in the series to seeing a train crash into another - you know it's going to happen and yet you can't help but be shocked as the trains violently crash into each other and become crushed and wrecked.

In the same way, given the foreshadowing planted in Legacy, I had a sneaking suspicion that Shannon was going to do something with her bizarre attempt to make Alvar pitiable and pathetic with the mysterious disease. In this book we got to see the decadently indolent, utterly flagrant, and completely shameless cashing-in on this with Alvar and Keefe being best friends in the Forbidden Cities as Keefe angsts about Sophie. Now note that Alvar was one of the people who kidnapped and tortured her in the first book (if we may harken back to a halcyon (and long-gone) age of good writing) and who betrayed them in Neverseen and committed various other crimes and reprehensible actions.

But to bring this up requires us to acknowledge the swarm of chickens flying home to roost in this whole plot point - that Keefe and Alvar are treated differently by Shannon and she has basically written them a blank moral and narrative check. Characters never acknowledge or denounce them for their immoral actions - just watch how Keefe was completely forgiven after betraying them in Neverseen and after cowardly running away in Unlocked (I mean - come on - at this point, put an ankle monitor on him) and faced no serious repercussions for this. Or how Alvar was given total absolution in Flashback and Fitz was treated as crazy or unreasonable for thinking a terrorist might - gasp - commit future terrorist actions and ought to be punished and/or locked away. And how Fitz is portrayed as particularly violent/dark for not. working overtime to save the life of his terrorist brother after stopping said brother from attacking people while a larger terrorist attack was taking place. Or that Fitz was treated as some psycho in Legacy for wanting to find Alvar and finally bring him to justice - and flipping out when Sophie and Keefe upstaged him, found Alvar, and threw away all of his work to find Alvar by letting Alvar go.

I mean. what do you expect at this point? The prospect that these characters are ever going to face consequences for their actions has been vehemently rejected again and again. At some point, true shock simply isn't possible. Just a morbid sense of disbelief and a feeling of bizarre unreality.

Will I read the rest of KOTLC in the future? Probably not. I have better things to read. I think I have grown beyond it. I do, however, enjoy hearing what has happened to it - in the capacity that I need resolution to this series and I must know how something I spent years of my life obsessing over ended (though with the current pace of this series I'm fearing it may never end). And the fandom is amazing and I am deeply loving the new memes out of these scenes:

*Alvar talking about how great it is that gay people exist and matchmaking doesn't in the forbidden cities*

Keefe: I know what you are

I suppose I didn't cover my reaction to the presence of more gay people. I liked that. It's nice to finally be represented in this series. I don't really talk about it anymore, but if you want a more thorough analysis of Keefe and of the series, I can't recommend @the-way-astray enough. They are very talented and I agree with nearly all of their conclusions.

As a final note, anon, you talk in a way that's really familiar and I can't help but ask - are you a past internet friend/mutual? I have some suspicions lol...

[ardenrabbit]

Hello!

A Long and Slow Recovery - are we past the halfway point? I am so excited to see how everything turns out. Did you do a lot of research to delve into Xie Lian’s experience with recovery? It’s very well written with regard to his mental and emotional struggles. Also , I just love how you write Hua Cheng and Xie Lian’s interactions.

Those Worthy of Following( new name change!) - I gushed about it in your comment section but need to emphasize how much I love that opening chapter with the dual between Hua Cheng and Xie Lian. And this dynamic, of Hua Cheng being the prince, and Xie Lian being the bodyguard, is A+++. Xie Lian is so calm and kind and powerful. He was so fierce about Hua Cheng not talking down about himself. Like,yes gege, please show your Hua Cheng how precious he is, haha. I ❤️ reading Xie Lian showing his protectiveness of Hua Cheng, even from the man himself. I’m also keen to see how Feng Xin and Mu Qing will take to Xie Lian in this verse too.

Is there anything else you can share about it that’s not spoilers? If not, that’s fine too!

Your writing is just delicious - a pleasure, something to savor and come back to again and again.

Thank you!

Omg thank you so much 💕😭💕 Your comments are always such a delight!! It's so validating and encouraging and I hope you know that!!

We are indeed past the halfway point in alasr! I honestly just kind of know what happens in a big blob with like half a dozen bullet points, so I don't have a final chapter count ready, but Chapter 20 is basically the start of the second half of the story. I originally thought the fic was gonna end at just about the New Year celebration, but it turns out his recovery is taking a lot longer than that, and his recovery isn't even the only one we're dealing with now, so I got ambitious. The premise also uh deserves a little more closure and resolution than that lol, so Arc 2 is gonna be a little higher stakes than we've had so far.

I'm so glad you're enjoying how I'm writing Xie Lian and his recovery! Haha I did research a variety of other conditions and disabilities and read accounts from people who have them, because that's just good research. Honestly, though, inspiration for the vast majority of Xie Lian's mental/emotional struggles have been sourced from firsthand experience :)

I'm mentally and physically disabled and have been my whole life, and I wasn't even diagnosed with anything (I was somehow just diagnosed with Teenager) until I hit rock bottom about it in adulthood. I've gotten to a better place with the mental stuff, but even though it's no longer an active threat to me, my bad days can still leave me nonverbal, disconnected from reality, and sometimes catatonic. The physical stuff has been getting worse over the years, and even though I can still walk independently with a cane when I leave the house (as long as I rest a lot), I still fall down just walking in my own home. I keep having to remember that my chronic pain and fatigue isn't normal, and I keep getting evidence that I'm worse than I thought. I've had to reorganize my life around all of it and I'm uh. Not taking it well lately lol.

So alasr is my self-therapy project. Xie Lian is going to get better and I'm not, and that still kind of pisses me off lol, but it's nice to vent and see someone else get a happy ending. So...yeah, at least writing alasr has helped distract me from my own pity party, and Xie Lian's anger, despair, guilt, and forced optimism are cathartic for me. It's not just about me, though; obviously I'm trying to stay in character for him and write in the context of his specific circumstances. But I guess I relate to sick fic stuff lol

Fully aware that that was a lot of oversharing 💜

But ANYWAY, AS FOR ✨ THOSE WORTHY OF FOLLOWING ✨ I'm so glad you're liking that one so far too!! I craaaaave protective badass Xie Lian and I needed a different brand of angst and drama from alasr for a while lol. I love writing violence tbh. I don't wanna spoil too much, but I definitely wanna confirm this:

TWOF is NOT a post-canon reincarnation fic. I'm personally not up for writing that kind of loss of all their canon experiences. And there are probably some really well-written takes on it! It's just not personally my speed. 😅 This one might seem like a post-canon reincarnation fic in the first couple chapters, but it'll make more sense soon.

It IS angst with a HAPPY ending, I promise!! What I'm planning right now gets really rather sad and it might seem hopeless at some point, but I promise, I'm confident in my plan to make it genuinely happy and fulfilling!

I'm exploring a trope about which I've had some general hangups, but I honestly enjoy taking tropes and tweaking them to my preferences. I think a lot of people can already guess what trope I'm talking about, which is fine with me! If it means the buildup and foreshadowing are working, I'm happy it fits!

What I'm panicking about with this wip is that I've convinced myself that I need to earn a doctorate in Tang Dynasty battle and siege tactics to write it credibly lmao. I spent three hours the other night researching ancient Chinese fire starters and the differences between Han and Tang era tea preparation (to little avail). This one is gonna take a lot of research for my own peace of mind but I hope it pays off!

Mu Qing and Feng Xin are gonna be okay!! Someone commented on ch2 that they liked that Mu Qing got hurt because they hate him and I'm like...I didn't think I'd framed that as a good thing..... 😅 That was something a Bad Guy did.......... 😅😅😅

Thank you so much for your kind comments and all of the fun engagement!! I'm truly so honored that you've enjoyed my writing so far! 💖💖💖

[szmacblog]

Old-Time Tradition: Folk Musicals

Grease (1978)

This film follows Danny (John Travolta) and Sandy (Olivia Newton-John), two teenagers from different worlds. After a summer fling,  they thought they would never see each other ever again, but unexpectedly reunite in the same school. Sandy, initially a wholesome stereotypical "IT girl”, tries to fit in with Danny's greaser crew, the T-Birds, and their sassy counterparts, the Pink Ladies. 

Identity in Grease: A Song and Dance

The musical numbers in Grease are very energetic and catchy, but they also play a big role in exploring how the characters navigate their identities. Many songs like "Look at Me, I'm Sandra Dee"—(I don’t drink, or swear. I don’t wrap my hair. I get ill from one cigarette. Keep your filthy paws from my silky dress)—and "Beauty School Dropout" showcase characters trying on different identities. Sandy tries to be the ideal 50s girl, while Rizzo rejects society's expectations. They all use songs to experiment and find their place in the T-Birds/Pink Ladies dynamic. On the other hand, songs like "Greased Lightnin'" and "We Go Together" solidify that bond that we can perceive between the T-Birds and Pink Ladies. Moreover, love, frustration, and teenage angst all find voice through the music. "Hopelessly Devoted to You", probably the most emotional song on the movie’s tracklist, lays bare Sandy's feelings, portraying her as the basic, easily enamored girl.

The film reinforces stereotypical gendered behaviors. For example, in “Summer Nights”, the girls' lyrics ("Tell me more, was it love at first sight?") center around romance and emotions, suggesting a more emotional and sensitive view of love. Whereas the boys' lyrics ("Tell me more, did she put up a fight?")  imply a focus on sexual conquest, portraying a more aggressive and sexualized view of romantic relationships. The song reinforces the idea that men and women approach love differently based on these stereotypes and it could be argued that it promotes non-consensual intimacy.

The characters in Grease don't just burst into song for no reason, their world revolves around music. The energy and choreography allow characters to process their emotions in a big way. In fact, the film doesn't shy away from showing the characters enjoying music and dance for pure fun. 

Yet, the world of Grease isn't exactly diverse

It is noticeable that the film avoids touching on any serious social issues of the 1950s, like racial tensions or economic disparity. This creates a sanitized version of the past and ignores the complexities of real life. Moreover, it pushes away the idea of 'Black Joy' as being something achievable even more. The music itself doesn't delve into racial themes, and there is quite literally, only one visible Black character in the movie—Frederick "Dennis" Greene as part of the singing group Johnny Casino and the Gamblers, reinforcing the idea that "Black musicality—the all-blacks-got-rhythm syndrome—of White cinema." (Dyer 98.)

The Ordinary → Utopia

Several elements align with the classic trope of white musicals seeking to transform the ordinary into a utopia; everyone is happy and music comes out of nowhere. Sandy's journey from a demure, "good girl" to a leather-clad greaser epitomizes this trope. Her initial wholesomeness represents the ordinary, while her adoption of the greaser look signifies a transformation into something cooler and more exciting. This aligns with the utopian ideal of escapism. On the other hand, Rydell High itself is portrayed as a somewhat utopian space. Sure, there are cliques and social pressures, but overall, it's a place where teenagers can have carefree fun. Finally, the film's resolution reinforces the utopian ideal. Danny and Sandy reconcile, the T-Birds and Pink Ladies maintain their cool-kid status, and everyone seems to get their happily-ever-after. This all-pink ending avoids the complexities of real life, where there are serious conflicts and consequences for teenage rebellion, and presents a more utopian world.

Circular time?

Black musicals often depict a cyclical view of time, where characters return to their "real life." As Dyer states, "white joy is in a space freed from labor; Black fun dips into the thing to have a good time while working." We can clearly notice this in the film. The ending suggests the T-Birds and Pink Ladies will stay on this high school path, but there's no real sense of daily life hardship.

[girlbossblackbeard]

Okay in honor of the high likelihood that we're getting the s2 trailer today I wanted to post this draft that I've been sitting on for like a month so it wouldn't be tainted by any juicy new tidbits we might get today:

I can't wait to look back on this post and either celebrate my future-seeing psychic abilities or laugh/cry at how naïve i was so here goes-

These are my predictions for the basic narrative structure of s2 (based off of a 10 ep season):

-I think it's gonna be your typical 3 act story arc: act 1 is resolving the conflict that was set up at the end of last season, act 2 is exploring the consequences of that resolution (the good and the bad) and setting up/discovering a new, bigger conflict to worry about, and act 3 is the drama of either confronting that bigger conflict for the first time but not fighting it yet, or starting to fight the bigger conflict but ending the season on a "holy shit we're fucked" note (that gets resolved in act 1 of the next season)

-similar to s1, episodes 1-3 are act 1: they're going to be spent resolving the Ed/Stede/Crew being separated issue with Ed and Stede finally reuniting (or about to reunite) at the end of ep 3. Narratively this makes sense to me since the big immediate issue is the physical separation of the two love interests, so the writers might want to "resolve" that issue sooner rather than later bc audiences don't want to see their faves separated for too long even if it makes for good character development and conflict. Ed is gonna be sad but try to seem aloof, Stede is probably gonna be told all about Ed's transgressions with the crew which will create more opportunity for complex emotions on Stede's side. Also he and the crew are gonna steal a ship or something and Stede is gonna start showing signs of *gasp * semi-competency when it comes to captaining. Also I don't know which ep exactly but I think we'll get Lucius back in this act (I hope)

-episodes 4-7 are act two: they're gonna be a mixture of funny awkward exes era for Ed and Stede with a healthy dash of some angst and miscommunication thrown in there for good measure. Ed is gonna slowly have the ice around his heart get melted from being in close proximity to the sun (Stede's unintentional charm combined with his newfound competence will be literally impossible for anyone to ignore, let alone Ed) and Stede is going to FINALLY start to realize how deeply he hurt Ed by leaving and HOPEFULLY understand that the core reason Ed was hurt was bc he actively wanted Stede by his side (cue more confidence-building for Stede)

-episode 8 is when they Do It

-on a less jokey note (even tho I'm kinda dead serious about the statement above) episode 8 is in a weird limbo where it's the transitional ep between acts 2 and 3. I think this is when we'll finally get the love confession from Stede. since act 2 finally put them both on equal footing and they're no longer actively mad at each other, I'm predicting ep 8 is when they finally sit down and hash it all out - why stede left, why Ed went kraken mode, how they hurt each other and the crew, and how they want to move forward. idk if this will be a big dramatic yelling conversation where stede blurts out something like "because I love you, you nut!!!" or if it'll be a quiet conversation where stede gently says "because I love you, you nut 🥺" but either way I think stede confesses this ep. Does Ed reveal he loves stede in return? Idk man!!! But once stede raises the emotional atmosphere to dizzying heights with his confession they'll be overcome with passion and flap their jacks or whatever. either the ep will end on a sweet note with no ominous signs of the next Big Bad brewing, or the very sweet and intimate afterglow will get interrupted by big scary news about some threat on the horizon. which brings us to act 3:

-episode 9 will fully introduce the Big Bad of the season (maybe whatever/whomever it is had already been talked about in previous eps, hell maybe they've been seen on-screen in previous eps like chauncy, but this will be when the main villain/issue reveals the full extent of how much of a threat they are). Ed and Stede will kick into co-captain mode which will either have a bit of a rocky start as they're still working through fully trusting one another again or it'll be so seamless and in-synch it actually visibly shocks the crew. this ep will be when plans are made on how to defeat the Big Bad

-and finally, ep 10 will be the showdown with the Big Bad where the crew implements whatever plan they made. oh fuck I just remembered the revenge is probably not gonna make it through this season. this might be the ep where she gets blown tf up for strategy purposes idk. someone (probs buttons, but maybe the Swede) will make a Viking funeral comment. anyway the crew will likely pull off the plan, but right at the end of the ep they'll discover that the threat is actually way bigger than they thought and THAT will be the cliffhanger/set up for s3

[ittybittyluci]

Luci Angst Fic Idea That’s Been Rattling Around In My Head

Okay, so, it’s no real secret that I absolutely love angst and Hurt/Comfort content. I slurp that shit up like there’s no tomorrow. And recently my darling brain has been so kind as to supply me a new concept that could be shoved into a whole number of Lucifer angst fics.

Basically the premise is this:

Part of Lucifer’s punishment is that every year on the same day, a member of the heavenly court (the same Angel every time) comes down to administer a little “reminder” to keep Lucifer in line. Basically, he gets tortured, and the shit beat out of him annually to make sure he stays depressed. The Angel that does this is called “The Punisher” and they are very strong, but also have cool mind fuckery powers that they use to really get inside Luci’s head.

Most of my ideas are Charlie (who doesn’t know) finding out about this when it happens after Luci moves into the hotel, and being absolutely MORTIFIED! Good old Father-Daughter time. U know the drill. Sometimes my brain even likes to be like “oh yeah, the day of/after his Punishment Day was the day Lilith took Charlie and left” because I just love to make him suffer so he can be sympathized w/. I’m just like that don’t fucking judge, it’s not as weird as u think. Maybe. Whatever.

Anyway, yeah. It’s BRUTAL!

Content warning below for descriptions of violence next for some of the things I imagine happening to him, as well as an illustration with a shit ton of gold blood all over the place.

- A lot of the times they will do stuff to his wings to be like “you don’t deserve these.” Either rip them off and force them to grow back, break them, and once (the time Charlie finds out) skinning them to take the feathers off. That one is particularly angsty and I can’t help but be drawn to the heartbreaking-ness of it.

- Lots of punching, kicking, hitting scratching, and throwing him around.

- Concentrated holy water or holy light or something to burn

- Lots of emotional degradation (not the kink, if that wasn’t obvious)

- Induced hallucinations of everyone he loves hating him

- And, u know, whatever new toys The Punisher comes up with.

Here’s a pretty little drawing too! Because I’m a terrible person (as always, Tumblr is gonna fuck up the quality and I’m not smart enough to know how to do ‘tap for higher resolution’ so here’s a link to a better version: tehe )

[lovecolibri]

SaL anon here friend with my thoughts on Tuesday's episode and some other thoughts I'll get to. So the episode was amazing, emotional, so well acted, and basically hitting every kidnapped lover trope in the book to great effect. Slow, horrifying realization by their other half that something is wrong when no one else thinks so. Team up between them and a close relative who grounds them so they can crack the case. Kidnapped lover has a chance to escape but doesn't take it because it lead to

the other getting hurt. Performing CPR on the kidnapped lover because they FUCKING DIED!! Truly a glorious fanfiction come to life and I loved every moment of that part. It goes without saying that I would have gladly traded less Owen for more 126, but the TK and Gabriel team up was amazing. The serial killer aspects were pretty minimal so I didn't need to skip anything (ngl, after seeing the cookie thing in the preview i was terrified), hell Trudy was deranged but kinda sweet. So here we come to my salty thoughts so feel free to ignore if you want. As much as I loved the episode, it was hardly part of any sort of arc for Carlos, if we can even say that there was one. Aside from the basic setup, nothing in it relied on the previous 3 episodes. You could have had Tarlos fight for any reason and Carlos get kidnapped on a case and it would have played out the same way. So if there is any sort of arc for Carlos its in the previous 3 episodes, and I'm having trouble seeing it. An arc (to me) is character has a problem, things happen, resolution has character come out stronger on the other side (see the top tier Buck tsunami arc, Buck feels useless without his job, he saves Chris, discovers he has value to others outside his job.) So what was Carlos's arc? It was supposedly confronting his past but that didn't really happen. He's there for Iris when he thinks he hadn't been, but he would have been for any friend who went missing. If it was about confronting his reasons for getting married shouldn't we have seen a conversation with his parents? Right now the marriage thing isn't even necessary as backstory, we already knew Carlos had these issues in S2. If Tim was going to introduce 5 million plot holes with this info it needed a payoff. Maybe more will be said later in the season, till then i feel like 4x04 is a beautiful work of fan service to vaguely justify Tim's poorly thought out/executed headcanon.

Hello my friend and I'm sorry I'm so late getting to this! My mom had some issues at work and then got sick and then I got like, a weird (for me) amount of energy to Do Something Productive and spent about 6+ hours yesterday sorting The Box Of Important Papers I have been throwing shit into for years and I couldn't stop or I would never start again and it would remain half-sorted for the foreseeable future. But now I've got some time before I start anything else (or just lay around and read/recover for the rest of the day)!

The Tarlos of Tuesday's episode was sooooo so so good! We got delicious angst without being an over the top serial killer torture fest (and yeah Trudy was enabling her son but you can't look at the way he talked to her and tell me he wasn't abusing her and she wasn't just waiting to be the next one he killed the second she failed to "prove" her love for him. Also, am I the only one that assumed when she said his dad "left" and he burnt himself dissolving "something" that he murdered his dad? ANYWAY), we got some truly beautiful lines from both TK and Carlos about their love for each other, and Rafael really just acted his heart out all episode. I loved every minute of their stuff this episode. I was particularly thrilled with the TK/Gabriel scenes and the way he and Andrea just were SO happy to see TK even without Carlos, and were prepared to just have him over to hang out for a bit was SOOOO sweet and speaks volumes about how much closer they have grown. We love to see it! And the parallels to Carlos and Owen looking for TK when he went missing?! *chef's kiss* Get you a father in law who will listen to your concerns about their child and take them seriously and will follow your lead when you Know Something Is Up.

And honestly, Owen had some lines that did make me laugh! I actually think him and O'Brian play off each other really well and I enjoy their reluctant team up. I am just ABSOLUTELY bored to tears with this stupid storyline for them. One is a fire captain and the other is a motorcycle cop! HOW are they both just being totally removed from their first responder world to push this whole boring ass FBI investigation that, from a lot of the comments I've seen around, no one could give two shits about. There are SO MANY procedurals on that revolve around these investigations and a couple other "firefighter" shows that are more about the soap opera level drama than the fun/occasionally serious and painful rescue calls. The 911verse has always stood out for being different, more hopeful and fun, having drama but not being A Drama, and being full of fun and interesting rescues that tie in with what the main characters are going through. And both shows losing their way SO early in their runs is...disappointing. And frustrating that the people in charge have gotten a lot of feedback about what fans AND the GA tune in for (cool/fun emergencies! Some drama but not too OTT, focus on our main characters and their relationships to/with each other!) and have decided they would rather be like every other show out there than to deviate from what they personally want to do because the audience enjoys something they don't think is The Thing Everyone Should Be Enjoying This Much. (Or worse, turn those earnest things that people loved about the show into a joke because they resent their audience and fanbase that gives their show longevity and keeps it trending and pulls in new viewers for some reason. 🙃🙃🙃) ANYWAY, I am READY for this Owen storyline to take a back fucking seat to literally anything. I've been re-watching season 1 and the difference in TK and Owen's relationship then and now is so disappointing to see. I know Ronen said he and RL have a really good TK/Owen episode (or scene? I don't fully remember) so I'm looking forward to that but I really, REALLY need to see more emergencies and first responder moments on this *checks notes* show very specifically about first responders doing their jobs. VERY excited for Marjan to get a storyline this week!

As for your salty thoughts, I'm with you. I don't *hate* the "Carlos married Iris" storyline but it definitely could have been handled better/more seamlessly (especially watching season1 again and the clues they COULD have dropped without revealing what was going on but didn't), and honestly was not needed as a set up for this episode. Actually, as much as what we got was good, I personally think it would have been better being an entirely separate thing from Iris. Like, if they just wanted to have Carlos getting hurt and TK teaming up with Gabriel to find him, they could have cut the whole thing about Iris going missing and put more emergency calls into episode 3 and had TK and Carlos still in a tiff because they're both stressed about Iris not signing the divorce papers yet, and then had Carlos get trapped while at work on a call! He could have been trying to save someone, hell it could have even been Iris! And we could have seen him talking to this person (even BETTER if it was Iris!) about all this love he has for TK and about TK's love for Gwen, and fighting to get out but not quite being able to make it, and even going into cardiac arrest and needing CPR! He still could have been off-duty with no one knowing he was involved at first so TK could still have the talk with the 126 and the call to Grace, and a moment with the Reyes parents and the ultimate team up with Gabriel. I just think there was a way to tie it more into the premise of first responders while still keeping all the good stuff we got!

And you're right about it not really being an "arc" because we...didn't actually get that much from Carlos about HIMSELF. We got the scene where he first tells TK about being married and why he did it, but we still know NOTHING about if they had a true wedding and told everyone or if it's something that they did privately and it came up later when she disappeared, we have no idea if everyone in the family knew it was a sham wedding or found out later, we still don't know when they decided it was cool to date other people and if they ever lived together, or how Carlos felt about watching his best friend start to change and become someone he didn't recognize, we know NOTHING except it is a Thing That Happened and they didn't get a divorce before she disappeared because ??? "reasons" (even though no one batted an eye about her having a long-term relationship with someone else), then she was presumed dead, and then it was because the US healthcare system is a joke. We didn't get to delve much into Carlos' side of things, just hear his version of Iris's side of things! And as you said, if it was about him confronting his past, WHERE was a talk with his parents?! Where was the discussion about his choice to do this and what they did or didn't say or did or didn't know about it all?!

I'm hoping we get some more in the coming weeks because we still don't have a resolution to this arc since Iris still has not applied for an annulment or signed the papers, we haven't seen Carlos talking to his parents, and we didn't get a big growth moment or anything because we didn't get to see TK talking to anyone about how he was trying to be supportive but he was really reeling from the news and wanted to make sure Carlos felt supported and loved but he also needed to vent about it. Like, the only conflict is about if it can happen soon enough for the wedding in 8-ish weeks, because everyone is on board and everyone is fine with things. IDK it just feels like if this was going to be a big thing, it needed to be A Big Thing which you can do without the people in the couple being awful to each other, but you do kind of need to allow them to have big and occasionally messy feelings, and TALK about those feelings, and show some change from the start of the arc to the end. There was never any really true conflict here, so there is...nowhere to grow from. I don't hate this, I just think it could have been handled a little better and more interestingly but SO MUCH TIME is going to this Owen arc that everything else is suffering instead of giving this plot some room to breathe and filling up the time with more emergencies, and giving Owen a more central arc later on. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

As always, thanks for your thoughts my friend! I'll be working on our song ask next!

[ramblings-of-a-sane-mind]

Let the deceased rest : a rambling discussion of the impermanence of death in fiction, and why we should maybe let our characters go

So listen I didn't roll up onto this app to start writing rambling paragraphs on why I don't know if the constant revival of dead characters in fiction is a good move on our part, but here you are and here I am and I’m about to go off I guess.  To focus in a lens a little bit before we get started, I want to be very clear.  I am using mainly Western media for this examination, that and my own personal experience.  I mean if I really sit here and write as much as I think I might then maybe we’ll get some anime references in here too, but a lot of this is just being looked at through a world coloured by my own individual life and observations. 

But basically it boils down to this.  When I was a little kid and I used to play imagination games with my friends, I always, ALWAYS, wanted my character to die.  Now - to clarify, I did not want my character to die fully.  I was always revived in some mystical way, maybe I was never really dead in the first place.  But I always wanted it to happen.  I would build my story around it, would present it to our little ragtag group of kids running around a field and making up whole worlds to just pass the time, and my childhood friends would roll their eyes and sigh and put up with me.  Which was truly lovely of them because looking back on it now it must have been really fucking annoying.  My brother still makes jokes about it to this day.  

I want to be very clear here.  I wanted my characters to die every single time for one specific reason.  And that was for the revival.  Even as a kid I craved that angst, the emotional response of others looking on, of having to bare the weight of this insurmountable grief, of this terribly sad thing.  But I didn't want it to stick.  I wanted all the emotion without the permanence. The pain and the suffering and the sadness but without the end result of the end being, you know, the end.  

And that has followed me like a shadow into my own writing.  I kill off characters for the pain it inflicts onto others, for the growth that it will cause, and then I bring them back for that additional emotional release - the completion of the circle.  You take the pain and you hold it without breaking and eventually the reward of the resolution will come.  The suffering is worth it because the joy at the end is all the sweeter for it.  

And I am not an outlier in this mindset.  Everywhere you look in film, in television, in books, we think very similarly.  The death itself is painful, but Death has no weight in an unreal world.  Look here they are again, the person you missed - and yeah maybe they’re a little different, a little worse for wear but you have them back again.  Their people have them back again.  And we can all move on in healing together, instead of trying to piece ourselves back together with an absence so gaping you can't even see the other end of who you are.  

One of my closest friends has gotten back into Star Trek recently, which means that I have been listening to facts about the show, about the books, about the films, almost nonstop.  We watched the films together recently (the new ones not the old ones don’t come for me) and Kirk dies.  In the original it’s Spock, but the results are for the most part the same.  They die, some stuff happens, they come back.  And that was really when I started thinking about this as something so pervasive in our culture, in the way we view the world.  People come back more often than now.  Stranger Things - a hugely popular show known for it’s violence, it's willingness to throw it’s characters into brutal situations and to make sure that some don't walk out - is another with that kind of motif.  SPOILERS in case you haven't seen the fourth season, but basically a well liked and popular member of the main group of characters - Hopper - ‘dies’ at the end of the third season.  He leaves behind a touching note for his adoptive daughter and the scene is so raw and heartbreaking because you know he’s gone.  That that letter is what she has left of him, and those words are what she is going to have to hold onto.  It doesn't feel like enough.  It isn’t enough.  And that’s what makes it real.  It’s what causes an emotional response in people, the truth that we are witnessing.  However, in the very next season, we see that there was no need for such a devastated response, because here he is, back again and maybe a little worse for wear, but alive.  We get to see him reunite with his daughter, get to vicariously live that relief with her, get to feel the joy in the reunion.  

But that isn’t how it works, is it?  And this, I think, is the very crux of what I have been spending so many words trying to get to.  Because even now, there are days where I think about what life is going to be like when my dad comes back. Where I imagine the moment in my head, shape it from all sides and hold it there, a perfect image of a moment that will never happen.  Because my dad is dead.  He has been dead for nearly five years now and Death is unshakable in its endlessness.  No matter how may shows I watch or books I read or stories I write where the characters come back, where it's all ok, where the pain is fucking worth it, that won’t happen for me.  Because he is gone and that is that.  

I sometimes regret how much I read as a kid.  The worlds I was a part of, the stories that I absorbed became facets of who I am now, and I was reading where at the time it was hugely popular to revive a character.  Maybe they were a fan favourite.  Maybe they were part of a twist.  Maybe they were never really dead at all.  But any which way, there is a part of that mindset that has rooted itself in my psychology, and it is something so hard to fucking shake.  Because why would I want to?  There's relief in knowing that maybe I’ll get to see someone I love again, even if all they are is words on a page, a creation of someone else's mind.  And I think if done well, done rarely, this revival is something that can be beautiful.  That can have all the impacts intended and leave everyone, the creators, the observers, the characters themselves, contented with how it ends.  But again I think that the quantity with which these revivals occur? The commonplace nature of them?  I think that’s what fucks me up so bad, what makes it difficult for kids like me to separate what is fiction from what is reality.

Or maybe it’s just me.  Maybe it’s just been me all along.  But either way, I really try to take a step back as I write from now on, try to take a deep breath and think to myself before I bring someone back.  Is this what is right for you?  Or is this because I myself am afraid of losing you?  

[greyias]

fic writer meme

Tagged by @swtorpadawan​ -- thanks for the tag!

Tagging: Open tag! Tag yourself in if you want! ♥︎

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

93 (it would probably be closer to 200 if I didn’t insist on combining my prompt responses into anthologies, but that requires like, coming up with titles and descriptions for each. And I got no time for that)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

691,415

Oh, my. For some reason I thought it’d be lower.

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Across the Stars (SWTOR), Wit's End (SGA), By Guidance of the Stars (SWTOR), See No Evil (SGA), Unsent Correspondence (SWTOR)

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to! AO3 makes it easy, so I try to answer there as much as I can, although sometimes it takes me a few days to form proper words because for some reason I can’t brain when it comes to comments.

FFnet became a flaming garbage fire that was actively hostile to authors, and made it really hard to respond or reply so I kind of gave up over there (and the I’m not even sure if I’m getting notifications anymore if people are even leaving reviews? Is the site still up? I don’t know, I haven’t checked in forever.)

I’m really bad at doing it here on Tumblr, because like? I’m not really sure what the proper etiquette is? Do people feel weird if you @ them and respond to their tags? Is that the done thing? Or is it like “thank you for your kind words internet stranger I hold them close to my busom and cherish them always but never speak those words aloud”? Having a bit of social anxiety I kind of defaulted to the latter, because I didn’t want to be weird if replying wasn’t the done thing here. (But yes I do see and love all of your tags!)

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Oh goodness... I’m not going to count my earliest works, because you know, teenage angst and all. Of what has been actively written (and not just in my head waiting to be written), I would say Thicker than Water (SGA), because while in my head the downer ending was eventually resolved -- I never actually resolved it because writer brain didn’t cooperate in writing the follow-up.

There’s a few SWTOR fics I’ve written where the ending is a bit more tragic or angsty, but in my head those aren’t as angsty because there’s other stories around different points in the timeline that show that what’s an angsty ending in a one-shot is eventually resolved later into a happier resolution.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

I would guess maybe Caught (SWTOR)? I generally try to end most stories on an upbeat ending, unless I’m just going for an emotional one-two punch (sorrynotsorry ♥︎). However I think maybe that was one of the ones that seemed to generate the most squee from readers.

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

In generally no. I’m trying to think if I’ve got any, and nothing is coming to mind.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

This is... a complicated question. And I’m now going to put this under a cut so as to allow people to scroll on by if they so wish.

I wish I could just easily answer no, because no one really wants that, right? And I considered remaining silent and just answering briefly, but fuck it.

The short answer is: Maybe?

The longer answer: Due to a little trail of clues that I can’t tell if were intentional or not, unfortunately last year I stumbled across a series of vague posts complaining about very specific story elements in a fic I wrote, including a photoshopped meme as a “joke” that basically said people who write those elements shouldn’t be allowed to write SWTOR Blorbo because they don’t deserve him in their fics. Classy.

Because of the way the posts were written, there’s no way to know definitively that the poster was talking about me -- except that shortly before those posts were written, the poster left kudos on that fic and another that seemed to suspiciously line up with another post of them complimenting-complaining about. And then, for some bizarre reason, they went rifling through my blog, dug up a week old post to reply to it and then try and tell me that I was wrong about something I was idly musing on in the tags.

As you can imagine, I was extremely baffled by this WTFery, went to their blog, and got a face full of what appeared to be vague blogging about how I didn’t understand the character of the fic they left kudos on and shouldn’t be allowed to write him? Which made me second guess if it was about me. But also, the specific element that generated the shitty photoshop meme? WAS IN THE FIC THEY LEFT KUDOS ON. YOU CAN UNDERSTAND MY CONFUSION. And also the feeling like I just got punched in the face.

(Also I should mention this is not the first time this person has made rants about specific fic elements that felt like they were specifically targeting one fic that hit a little too close to home)

But honestly, even if that wasn’t about me (as you can see above on why I’m unsure) -- fuck that person. They were clearly being an asshole and badmouthing someone in fandom. I feel like I shouldn’t have to say this, but maybe you shouldn’t photoshop memes mocking other people. And if you want to complain about a fic, have the guts to leave a bad review. I have plenty of fics I’ve read that I didn’t care for, for one reason or another. And you know what I’ve done?

Nothing. Because at the end of the day, I didn’t want to be an asshole just because I personally disagreed with an element of someone’s writing. An act that, unless you’re kind of a weirdo who wants to chase fandom clout (why tho????), is almost exclusively an act made out of love for the source material, or for the love of writing/creativity/what-have-you.

Do not worry, that person is blocked on their five million accounts they keep rotating through, and will continue to have them blocked until they grow up and learn how to behave in a community.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Um... what kind is there? Other than the smutty kind? But yes, I do occasionally have the nsfw entry now and then.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

For some bizarre reason, the one Four Brothers fic I wrote years upon years ago is a popular one for teenagers to steal and swap the characters out. Off the top of my head, it was turned into a Supernatural fic once, and for some reason One Direction another time??? It’s possible there was more but those two are the ones that stick out in my head. And the funny thing is, that particular fic is super tropey, so they probably would have gotten away with it if they’d just filed off the really unique framing device used to open each of the first few chapters.

And unfortunately it seemed like almost the entirety of my SWTOR fic collection was thrown into a blender and then various sentences and paragraphs were fed through Google Translate and then back again(?), then piecemealed into various fics by an offender who apparently wanted to replace my Knight with theirs. (They even stole poor Grey’s coffee order.) This went on for about six months by the time I discovered it, mostly because the plagiarist for some reason started @’ing me in WIP memes, with my actual sentences staring back at me.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have! Several of my SGA fics were translated into French, and I think Russian over the years. Someone requested to translate one of my SWTOR fics a while back, but I’m not sure if anything ever came of that one.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have! ♥︎ The only one up on AO3 is a collaboration between me and the always lovely @jadesfire about the SGA team playing a bunch of board games. It was a blast to work on, and I may have gotten a little carried away with the visuals. 😅

13. What’s your all time favourite ship?

I don’t think anyone will be surprised if I say it’s Theron Shan x Jedi Knight, based on the pure volume that I’ve written. They live rent free in my head still, so I guess that says something.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish, but don’t think you ever will?

Oh goodness, I think the only one that has active words on I’ve already shared, which is this piece that got completely Joss’d by Fractured Alliances. There are few stories rattling around in my head that I still hope to write, so I haven’t given up on them yet (like the Theron Childhood AUs that maybe will get more pointed Photoshopped memes).

15. What are your writing strengths?

I feel like this is difficult to answer objectively -- but maybe dialogue? I have a lot of fun writing it, and routinely have to reign myself back in, and my “cut bits” documents are sometimes half witty dialogue exchanges that I cut because they were rapidly derailing a scene.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Description. Hands down. It’s the absolute biggest struggle for me, to remember to include it to begin with, and then to make it flow and feel like it’s not something that I just inserted after the fact (spoiler: it usually is.)

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I usually try to avoid it as much as possible, because I am fluent in exactly one language, English, and some days I question even that. I usually try and write around or allude to whatever is being spoken, and indicate that it’s written in another language. Things like fictional languages I might pepper in some words or phrases here or there, but then usually also put the translation in too.

Real world languages I am more often than not likely to get it wrong, and would rather not make an ass of myself so avoid it. If I had to include a snatch here or there? I’d probably enlist a native speaker to help correct it after the fact.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

The first fandom I’ll admit to writing and publishing for is Rawhide. Although I think there’s a lost ficlet somewhere that I wrote for the Jedi Apprentice series that bit it when Yahoo Groups shut down. (Don’t worry, it’s no big loss. It really wasn’t that good, long, nor did it make a lot of sense.)

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet, but want to?

I don’t really have any that come to mind. Generally when I want to write something, I write it 😅

20. What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

Oh goodness, this changes by the day/hour. I think my consistent answer has more or less been “Unsent Correspondence”, because I angsted over that one, and turned what would have originally been like, this massive 200-300k fic idea into a neat 10,000 word epistolary character exploration. I think at least half of my affection for that fic is the fact that I saved myself a ton of work and didn’t generate an unfinished massive WIP.

[moxfirefly]

I!! Have an request!! If you want, thats up to you! But how about the turtles have a friend (the reader) and no matter what they see hints of or how it seems she just doesnt seem to be in a relationship ever and then leo starts acting "odd" (in love) and one day michelangelo of all people catches leo and the reader in a romantic (or heated) moment! What do you think would happen? How would they handle their older brother in love? 😂 i just thought itd be a funny one-shot

Ok I’ve been wanting to tackle this for a while now and ima do my best for you friend, also I hope this reaches cause I know it’s been tough so I send you lots of love💕

Blue boi all in lovey dovey

Rated Mature (Romance but will a little sprinkle of smut) 18+ Only

Raphael squinted his eyes.

For the past twenty-two minutes he’d been wondering what was wrong with this picture. His breakfast was getting cold and he’d even neglected to smack Mikey’s hand away when he stole a piece of bacon off his place.

Raphael took pride in his observation skills, often he noticed plenty of things in his environment but while Donatello ran commentary on it he usually kept the information to himself. He shared a room with his youngest brother so he knew any odd shift when it came to Mikey. He is very close with Donnie, spending a few sleepless nights by his side while the genius tinkered away at projects, even lending a hand here and there.

Leonardo for all of his hard headed ways and their personality clashes, he felt he knew him well enough too. The leader though, was much more guarded in his emotions which made for some difficult moments to completely gage his older brother.

You on the other hand were an open book, plenty of times he’d spent time with you, getting to know plenty of your ticks and thoughts. Raph considered you a close friend, a confidant he could turn to.

But as you all sat together for a late breakfast. Mikey inhaling his while Donnie’s overworked eyes looked into his coffee cup as if lifes answers laid there, Leo and you were just sitting there, suspiciously.

You were still in your sleep wear, Leo’s groggy movements mechanical as he ate on autopilot. You yawned reaching for a coffee refill and without command or hesitation Leo had pushed the creamer and sugar towards you, going so far to place the exact amount of both in your mug. You had given him a sweet smile, reaching a hand to thumb a crumb away from the corner of his mouth.

Raphael raised a brow ridge, well naturally that could translate to common kindness. You all knew each other, often April had in some form or shape probably done something similar. He poked a few pieces of eggs into his mouth, now he was intrigued.

He picked up a few more instances where his curiosities got the better of him.

For instance one afternoon while you were over he had decided to gather info. Raphael had kitchen duty and you had stuck around to help him out. “What’s up with you?” A common not so invasive question, you shrugged. “Same old, same old” You gathered plates to set the table. Raphael kept his gaze at the task at hand, cutting tomatoes for the sauce he was preparing. “Yeah but have you done anything? Gone out with friends? Maybe found your future husband?” He chuckled even more so when you nudged him with an elbow. “A forget you have a sense humor under all that angst” Raph smiled, the two of you often bickered Iike this.

Truth be told you had never mentioned a boyfriend or a girlfriend, the subject was never really breached. With the amount of time you spent in the sewers with them it never came up if you had some partner or if you even were dating. Raphael added the tomatoes into a pot, you joined his side ready to help with more cutting of condiments.

Then Leo arrived and he felt the air shift, he peaked a glance at you, a small smile playing on your lips. Leo in turn greeting the two of you before he made his way towards the fridge to retrieve something to drink. “Want something?” He asked from the fridge and honest to God Raph was very sure he wasn’t asking him. You nodded extending a hand for the soda he gave you, he leaned against the fridge and chatted you up as nonchalant as ever.

Nothing in the small chat raised any flags, Raph’s sauce almost burning from how intently he was concentrating of quite literally eavesdropping on you two. You laughed at something he mentioned, that was bizarre because Leo was seriously not even funny but he could be biased on that end.

“Your hair looks pretty that way” Leo spoke, a tad bit shyly. Raph stirred the sauce, brow ridges shooting up, ‘real smooth big bro’ he couldn’t help but think. Then again he had probably at some point told April the same thing, well they all had commented on April being pretty in all manners of ways.

But this felt just the taddest bit different?

He excused himself having to get back to whatever he was doing. Raph squatted to get something from the bottom cupboards, he didn’t miss the blush on your cheeks.

“Yer hair does look nice like that” He tested, you beamed brightly at him. “Thank you, you’re very sweet when you put your heart into it” She teased smacking a hand towel at him.

Inconclusive results.

For now.

This stupid notion continued to bother Raphael, curiosity would kill the turtle in this case. He wanted to know if truly something was amiss there and you both being friends he wondered why you just hadn’t flat out told him what was up. Nevertheless he couldn’t drop the bomb on you, you could be motorfide or maybe deny it to high hell. Asking Leonardo was out of the question, he sure as hell wouldn’t say a thing.

So Raphael kept his gaze glued as you parted ways for the night. You gave a hug and kiss to everybody, quite normal for your loving nature. He got his hug and kiss, so did Donnie, April and Mikey. Once you landed on Leo you did the same.

He could’ve sworn you lingered a little more, going so far as to whisper something to him because Leo gave a little huff of a laughter and smiled. He definitely slid his hand away from your lower back quite slowly.

Maybe, just maybe...

One patrol night he got stuck with Leo while Mikey and Donnie were doing rounds on the truck. They were scouting out a bank that was rumored to be hit soon by a group of robbers. Raph didn’t mention you, in fact he patiently waited for these robbers to possibly show up.

Something vibrated and his gaze landed on Leo who was reaching a hand into his pocket to pull out his phone. His concentrated and serious featured softening with whatever he read on the screen. He typed back something quick, shaking his head from whatever image or words or whatever had been provoked out of him. “Everything good?” Raphael asked, Leo nodded as if back to ‘normal’ and that absolutely was suspicious in his book.

That night didn’t yield any resolution and honestly it’s around this time that Raph regrets this little task that had occupied his time. He had originally decided to leave it as inconclusive, at some point You two dummies had to say or do something. He had been rummaging his room for his hand wraps, more than ready to get his nightly workout in order. When he had come up empty handed he exited towards Leo’s room, he always had them which annoyed the red banded brute.

His first mistake was not knocking or making his incoming presence known. A rookie mistake considering he lived with three young adult brothers.

His second mistake was just barging in like he owned the place. An annoyed “Jesus Leo quick taking my shit” spewing out of him.

If mistakes One and Two had been adverted he wouldn’t be standing here, wide eyed and frozen.

Because he really didn’t need to see his brother stark ass naked on top of his best friend who he basically considered a little sister, equally naked to boot. There was a solid fifteen seconds where Raphael didn’t know if he running out was the best option, mumbling a ‘shit my bad’ was better or if covering his eyes and screaming at his brother that he better be a gentlemen to you cause you’re a great gal.

Leonardo’s hands cupped your exposed breast for modesty sake, the need for the ground to dramatically open up and swallow him whole heavy in his mind. You had squeaked when Raph barged in, hands super glued to Leo’s rear and god why couldn’t you scream and let go and scream some more.

Raphael finally turned around, an embarrassed heat breaking over his body as he groaned in disgust. “Shit fuck, sorry sorry! I didn’t see shit!” Oh but he did and oh did he crave bleach. “Raph get out! This is why you knock!” Leo chucked a pillow at his brothers shell. You had finally let go of Leo’s rear, covering your face in mortification. “Hang a sock or something outside then!! I can’t read minds!” Raph bellowed.

Mistake number 3 happened because Raphael was a drama Queen through and through and the shouting only helped to alert his brothers towards the room.

“Can you two not fight for five whole minu-OH GOD SORRY!” Donatalleo had exited as quickly as he had approached the room. Mikey thankfully barely saw anything since Raph and Donnie yanked him out which Leo was thankful, he knew Mikey would never let this situation go.

A very quiet hour passed by.

Nobody wanting to say anything. Mikey had left for the tunnels to skateboard for a while. Donnie had thrown himself into truck repairs not even wanting to discuss what his eyes had briefly seen.

And Raphael had sat on the couch, every few minutes making a face whenever his brain decided to bring back the nights events. He heard movement from Leo’s room, the small pitter patter that belonged to your feet. Raph kept his gaze down, whatever playing on the tv long forgotten, he saw your feet when they tentatively approached the couch.

“Um Raph” Your tone was hushed.

“Didn’t see anything, matter of fact nothing happened” Raph grabbed the remote, you sat down and sighed. “Listen you weren’t the one with your tits out here” You crossed your arms grumbling, Raph almost chortled but then he remembered Leo and simply made a face.

“Why didn’t you tell me you and him were a thing? We’re friends, I mean you can do better but you know” He smiled when he felt your elbow smack his arm. “He’s really nice don’t be so mean” You sat back on the corner, Raph looked at you, you were wearing an oversized shirt clearly spending the night.

“Sorry for ah, not knocking” Raph spoke softly.

“Sorry for no telling you I had it bad for your brother” You smirked, enjoying Raph’s disgruntled expression.

You scooted close and hugged his massive arm, Raph smiled. “He better be good to ya... and well, don’t break his heart, he’s an ass but he’s my big brother” You nodded against his arm.

You had stayed for a little before returning back to Leo’s room, the leader was reading on his bed but quickly looked up when you came in. “Everything alright?” He asked tentatively. You nodded climbing into bed and in between his legs to lay on him. “We could’ve so gone a better way telling everybody, at least it’s out and we can just be ourselves” You rested against him, Leo’s chin a top your head.

He wrapped his arms tightly around you and smiled. “I’m never living this down but I’m happy we can just be ourselves” He poked your sides earning an earnest squeal from you.

Outside Raphael could hear the quiet giggling and laughter. He was happy for the two of you, it made sense.

Mikey walked in, board in hand and sweaty from skating for hours.

“So Leo loses his V card first, huh brah?”

Raphael groaned.

[ramblingguy54]

True Colors: An Emotionally Fantastic Serious Game Changer.

If we’re to look back at Reunion as Season 1′s dramatic pay off for Amphibia’s message of toxic friendships, as Anne & Sasha’s conflicting dynamic showed us, then True Colors is a colossal expansive note on this big theme of the series. True Colors makes Season 1′s finale look like a walk in the park for what angst goes down between our three main heroins in Season 2′s climatic resolution. Everything that can go wrong does go oh so painfully wrong for these three kids. Anne, to no one’s surprise, gets double crossed by Sasha leaving things between them a Hell of a lot more bitter than they were previously, as if that couldn’t already be topped when Sasha tried to kill the Plantars before. Anne has had enough of her lies and manipulation not being afraid to tell Sasha straight up how awful of a friend she’s been in general, even hitting her where it hurts most of all saying, “No, I’m done listening to you! I’m done trusting you! You’re a horrible person and I am done being FRIENDS with you!”, going so far as to get a shaken reaction out of Sasha dropping her brave face act, making this girl try to wipe away the frog family.

Right off the bat, True Colors makes it highly evident this isn’t just another story of stopping a bigger threat, but one hitting much closer to home, overall. Yes, King Andrias is certainly a dangerous villain, who makes his presence and intimidating nature known to the others by True Color’s final act, which despite this Amphibia isn’t entirely putting him at the forefront, rather focusing on a more intimate study of Anne, Sasha, and Marcy’s big emotional conflict. This finale knows exactly where to put its focus of importance on, so I love that instead of it being action packed we’re getting the spotlight shined on just how screwed up these three of a friendship have, in spite of Marcy claiming in The Dinner episode, “We’re supposed to be friends for life. We don’t split up!’ . Very ironic stuff right there, indeed.

True Colors’ most powerful strength it adds to Amphibia’s ongoing profound story about healthy friendships is the thorough deconstruction of these girls defined “ideal relationship” as people. Before Anne came to the world of Amphibia this kid was afraid to stand up for what she believed in, even knowing especially well that stealing the calamity box was morally questionable, but did it anyway. Sasha was super manipulative, abusive, and used her power to control people, like she did a lot of toward Anne in their lives. Marcy, while very smart, wasn’t the most competent physically, who soon grew into being more independent without needing to rely on Anne always having to be there for her. These three were changed immensely by the events of being thrust into this world of sentient amphibian creatures. Anne benefited morally most out out of all three in taking up the mantle of responsibility and ironing out her own issues. She’s become a much stronger person all around. 

This episode asks us an important question though in nutshell with, “Have Sasha & Marcy truly changed for the better?”, since Anne has reached a point in her arc feeling genuinely content with who she’s become and the bonds that have been made with the Plantar family shown most notably with Sprig Plantar. Hence the whole purpose behind the song, It’s No Big Deal, with Anne feeling proud for who she is, yet not noticing a bigger issue right underneath her nose. That previous episode was meant to bring Anne’s happiness up only to bring it all crashing down in a devastating display of new revelations in True Colors. Every dramatic emotional beat isn’t just earned. Each significant moment is completely knocked out of the park by terrific voice acting, beautiful animation, and music composition that gave me serious emotional goosebumps. True Colors did exactly as Not What He Seems accomplished for Gravity Falls in shaking up its own respective dramatic stakes just when you thought it couldn’t get any higher for these protagonists. Shit seriously hits the fan here.

Did it ever occur to you, Anne? Sasha? That one of you knew more, than she was letting on? That ONE of you might’ve gotten you stranded in Amphibia on purpose...?

The big bombshell twist of Marcy playing a part too in getting them into this whole debacle completely flips everything upside down. Sasha pushed Anne into taking the Calamity Box, yes, but if Marcy never sent that photo because of her desire to stay with them together forever, then they wouldn’t have been stranded in basically a world full of dangerous creatures and who knows what else. Easily my favorite part of the episode, considering it adds more nuance to a situation that defined Amphibia’s story. It wasn’t just one person’s fault at the end of the day. Sasha bullied Anne into taking the box, Anne didn’t put her foot down to make a stand for something morally questionable, and Marcy took advantage of them both to benefit her own selfish desires for supposedly a “happy ending” not involving them staying apart, due to her parents moving away for a new job. All three girls played an important part on why they got landed into Amphiba. It’s why Anne’s statement to King Andrias, “The three of us may have made some mistake, but you...You’re evil and I’m gonna stop you!”, holds such a real weight to it, as this story continues to solidify how genuinely fleshed out their dynamic is.

Marcy’s super desperate plea to be understood by Anne & Sasha when Andrias revealed her getting them thrown into Amphibia purposefully was hard to watch. On one hand, I felt for Marcy because she didn’t want real life circumstances to tear apart that close connection she had to Sasha & Anne. Sure, she could’ve just kept in touch with them over the phone or chatting online, too. However, Marcy had known them since very early childhood. When you’ve been so attached to someone it can be a devastating thing, depending on just how vulnerable you are emotionally, to start drifting apart. Marcy represents that embodiment of toxic need for togetherness and couldn’t bear to let a possibility, like moving away, throw a wrench into her happiness and friendship, as well.

Never mind Marcy wanting to stay permanently in a different reality, rather than face her’s, but it made this person feel like something more. It gave her a chance to feel truly special in being able to live out a fantasy dream of having such power and freedom that a kid, like herself, couldn’t have had. The freedom to know she is plenty capable of making it out there on her own without Anne having to watch this kid like a hawk. So, to have someone, or something, try taking it away from her terrified Marcy of facing a terrible truth. That she isn’t strong enough after all to live a life without Anne & Sasha by her side completely, where Marcy will never feel truly worthy enough to blossom into her own person. It’s why that line, “I just...didn’t want to be alone...”, carries such a deep pain to it all. Marcy just crumbles into pieces accepting her greatest weakness. As much as Marcy fumbled the ball big time, it’s so easy to empathize with her on the idea of feeling competent enough. Marcy never meant to hurt Anne or Sasha, but the sad crushing punchline is she very much did.

Speaking of which, Anne had every right to be upset and mad, obviously. Anne has been missing so many things from her life before everything went off the wall. Hopping Mall especially highlighted Anne’s emotional desire to give anything just to hear her mother’s singing again. This teenager has been really dealing with a lot of grief in general quite honestly. Anne got into a high stakes battle against Sasha to save new friends, who’d practically became like an adopted family, which left the poor girl traumatized and heartbroken over the end result. She thought finding Marcy would help compensate for it and eventually be able to mend those complications with Sasha to boot. It’s simply painful to see it all blow up in Anne’s face to know not only Sasha betrayed her trust yet again, but realizing Marcy also played a part of responsibility in getting them thrown here. Matt Braly really just decided to slap future trust issues onto Anne finding out Hop Pop, Sasha, and Marcy were all super dishonest in their intentions at one point or another. Damn, I feel so bad for her.

It makes their embracing hug back in Marcy At The Gates so much harder to watch. Anne was super glad to see her again. Anne had wondered what became of Marcy or even possibly started to think she could even be alive at all. Then come to find out later on Marcy having intentionally ripped her away from a normal life must’ve felt worse then what happened with Sasha. Anne, already done with all of Sasha’s bullshit, thought she could at least expect better from Marcy not letting her down, but that too wasn’t the case. Marcy is very much as flawed as Sasha in what she has done. To think, Anne wanted so badly to get back home, yet she’s staring the very person dead in the eye, who ripped her away from it to begin with. Marcy knew Sasha would talk Anne into taking the box from that thrift shop, even if she wasn’t completely certain it would successfully teleport them away. Regardless of whatever good intentions someone can have in why they did what they did, it still doesn’t absolve them of said mistake. Fact of the matter is, Marcy tragically made her own bed, by choosing to mess with forces she couldn’t begin to comprehend and now has to face consequences, in spite of her not deserving them.

What really got to me was when Marcy tried to spin around Anne’s personal growth and close friendship with the Plantars as all entirely thanks to her. When she said, “I gave you this! I gave you everything!”, I was like, “Nope, that couldn’t be any further from the truth.”, seeing everything that has culminated in Anne’s journey of bettering herself. Marcy didn’t give Anne anything, but a one way ticket to cutting the kid off from her family, presuming she’d be fine with this idea. It’s all kinds of messed up, however what it boils down to is Marcy undermining Anne’s independence and agency. Anne’s moral judgement in decision making was what allowed her to create this new life she made for herself in Amphibia. Anne’s honesty as a whole led her down a path of togetherness, while Marcy’s lying landed her in a result of not wanting to be alone, costing her so much.

“I don’t believe this. We were so focused on each other we couldn’t see what was right in front of us!”

True Colors excels at earning each of its emotional beats because they line up with character motivations down to the last letter. Anne doesn’t want to trust Sasha anymore because of their already rocky past, which leads to her helping King Andrias regain control of his kingdom. Sasha not keeping a lid on her temper, wanting to rule over Amphibia, and trying to reinforce that power dynamic with Anne & Marcy only made things worse for her image of a changed good friend. There wasn’t a chance in Hell Anne would hear Sasha’s reasoning after she flat out tried to take away her frog family, by attempting to use the Calamity Box a bit ago in the episode. Marcy wanted to believe there was a happily ever after in seeing this world traveling idea as their only chance for salvation as friends for life, but it turned out to be something much more sinister, when learning of Andrias’ backstory and his true scumbag nature. All three of their motivations come clashing together, blinding them from a much bigger danger. Something that effectively puts everyone at stake.

Amphibia’s Season 2 finale works so excellently, given it covers important dramatic elements it’s been stirring around since Season 1′s early rumblings. Amphibia is a story centered around people’s need for emotional connections. True Colors builds miraculously off what Reunion already did quite well in showing friendships can become rough and they are never easy to deal with. When you have to make a stand it can be a tough pill to swallow on the reality check of maybe this “good friend” of your’s isn’t as nice as you previously thought them to be. Anne having been hurt one too many times now by her former friend sends that message close to home, so much so even Sasha begins to question her morality as a human being. It poignantly encapsulates how this trio’s complex friendship is a serious growing issue needing to be reexamined, overall.

What if Anne’s right..? What if I am a horrible person...?

Something I absolutely love to pieces about True Colors, also a testament to Season 2′s darn good writing, is how much introspective we get from each character on what they’re feeling. We’ve seen plenty of Sasha’s vulnerability before in other episodes centered on her issues, but now we’re getting to the root of it. Sasha is really taking everything more to heart, little by little. Sasha’s understanding what kind of an effect she has on people, seeing the damage it has caused made evident by Percy and Braddock in Barrel’s Warhammer. Grime once told her, “Some dreams have a price and not everyone is willing to pay it.”, where she’s questioning that idealism every passing minute the invasion plan proceeds further into reaching success. Sasha isn’t sure what to do with herself anymore feeling aimless. Those previous episodes had a real impact on her priorities more than she cared to let on with Sasha’s typical tough girl act. This kid has let her guard down more, which scares and confuses Sasha. She’s always used to playing the role of protector it contradicts everything Sasha stands for when the roles are totally reversed because now Anne has made her feel the tremendous change in their growth as individuals.

Sasha’s lifestyle has been all about control that after somewhat learning to be more considerate to Anne & Marcy’s feelings she feels beyond conflicted about what truly matters to her. The most screwed up part of it all is Sasha didn’t want to fight anymore, taking up a pacifist approach after seeing what King Andrias had been hiding from everyone. It’s a fitting punishment for Sasha to try bringing Anne over to work together once more, but getting her pleas for companionship outright ignored. Anne was correct that Sasha had wasted all the chances to be reasonable. Boonchuy tried to hear out Sasha before at The Third Temple. One wanted to start things over again to iron out their serious issues, but the other was driven by bitterness, while only remorseful to a degree at best, of seeing their once weak friend become so independent, mature, and stronger that it drove her up wall. Sasha wanted to take away that “problem” being the Plantars, since in her eyes they’re the source of Anne’s strength, driving a wedge further between the two girls in their heated Reunion 2.0 battle.

True Colors demonstrates the horrific price of no trust, communication, nor teamwork from the three main girls that Andrias smoothly took advantage of, as if they were fiddles. 

“That’s the thing about friends isn’t it? The more you love them, the more it hurts when they go.”

King Andrias is quite literally what I wanted Lunaris to be, where DuckTales’ Season 2 finale didn’t impress me on doing. He’s a serious big baddie to the main cast, who follows through on his threats of violence to demonstrate his wide array of arsenal and power. Andrias doesn’t just emotionally manipulate characters, like poor Marcy, but utterly crush them without an ounce of remorse for his actions. When he dropped Sprig out that window after Anne willingly let him have the Calamity Box back I thought they were legit gonna kill this boy off. The way Anne’s flashback montage of her good times with Sprig were eerily shot really didn’t help either on that note. Anne’s Calamity power finally activating is easily up there among stuff, like Dewey risking his life for Della’s disappearance in Last Crash, where the cinematography is shot and animated brilliantly. You feel Anne’s blind raging sadness in every hit she landed on those robots and Andrias. If anyone didn’t believe Sprig was like a little brother to Anne, then I dunno how anyone couldn’t view their bond anymore as such after this hugely defining scene. Anne went bloodthirsty when she believed Sprig to be dead further evidenced when she hugged him in relief afterwards exclaiming, “Sprig!? You’re alive!? Oh, thank goodness...”, which cuts deep so damn much.

Anne was ready to fight every one of Andrias’ troops in that castle to the death, if need be. Before Sprig came back from falling, thanks to Marcy’s quick acting, to comfort Anne, her only goal was to slaughter every opponent in that throne room, along with making Andrias pay dearly for even daring to lay a single finger on anyone of the Plantars. I’m not gonna lie, this pivotal power up reminded me so much Gohan turning Super Saiyan 2 after Cell curb stomped Android 16 into pieces with a smirk on his face. Anne Boonchuy’s maddening outburst is a classic testament to the idea of, “Piss off the nicest person and they’ll make it their mission to instill the biggest kind of fear/terror into you.”. showing this kid at her most vulnerable mental state, yet. Sprig & Anne’s cathartic embrace really messed me up in reinforcing just how these two respect, love, and would go above any of their limitations to help the other out. Sprig’s “death” scene was a masterful bait by the writers into making us think someone was gonna die and it was gonna be a poor kid, no less.  

However, it was actually all just a bait and switch for the real, “Oh, shit. They really just did that”, moment with Marcy unexpectedly getting run through with Andrias’ gigantic sword. In a last ditch effort, Marcy wanted to atone for what she had a hand in getting them all into. Marcy was ironclad determined in making her own stand for what was right trying to save the people she endangered. Akin to what Sasha did in Reunion for saving Anne’s life, Marcy does the exact same here. Although, unfortunately this time, no one is here to protect Marcy from escaping death, like Grime catching Sasha from plummeting at Toad Tower. Marcy couldn’t react in time because she was so focused on helping her dear friends out. She wanted to prove to herself at least one time, “I’ve screwed up so much stuff with my friends. Maybe, just maybe. If I get my friends back home, it’ll prove I’m not an entirely crappy person for setting these events into motion.”. Marcy’s own deep seeded remorse is what saved Anne & the Plantars, while being the cause of her own untimely demise at Andrias’ hands.

This scene is what no doubt encouraged the warning sign for younger viewers Disney decided to make for them. It’s impressive how far Matt and his crew are willing to go for intense dramatic content. Andrias trying to crush Polly with his fist after destroying Frobo with casual ease, dropping Sprig out of the window from up sky high, and stabbing Marcy with his powerful sword displays his cold blooded brutality. Doesn’t matter who you are. If you get in the way of Andrias’ plans for multiverse domination, then he’ll throw anyone into their own grave, be it man, woman, or child. That’s the mark of a truly terrifying antagonist.

Andrias didn’t care who had to be hurt or manipulated to get back the box, so he could invade other worlds with Earth being his next prime target for invasion. Marcy’s fate is a horrifyingly poetic statement, since Sasha stated to Anne in a flashback from Marcy At The Gates, “One of these days, she’s gonna get herself killed.”, with True Colors tying back to this line in a disturbing manner. Something that sends chills down my spine is we get to see the full extent of how far Andrias shoved the sword through her body. We don’t just see the entry point of where it hit her, but it even zooms out to show the whole thing. Real talk, I got serious Avatar The Last Airbender vibes from this scene. Reminded me so much of Aang getting suddenly zapped with lightning by Azula when he tried to enter the Avatar state. Marcy didn’t want to be alone so badly she ended up inevitably dying alone trying to send Anne back home to their reality. One Hell of a way to close off Marcy’s last moments in Season 2, until her inevitable resurrection happens in Season 3 now that King Andrias has her in a tube tank that looks tied to his master.

True Colors ends on a deeply bittersweet cliffhanger leaving the fates of Sasha & Grime totally unknown if they’ll get away by the skin of their teeth, or get captured by Andrias’ soldiers and robots. Anne finally returned home with the Plantars, but at a deadly cost of leaving her other close friends behind in Amphibia. After all the isolation, heartbreak, and endurance she went through with her frog family Anne finds herself at a total loss for words. Once again, Anne is in a state of solitude of not knowing if her friends are really okay or not, mirroring the start of Season 1 when she landed into Amphibia’s world. It’s safe to say to say that, “Finally me and it’s no big deal.”, lyrics have aged terribly for Anne’s realization of finding her own identity came at the expense of getting separated from friends she’s known since kindergarten. Definitely see Anne becoming a lot more protective of the Plantars now more than ever after watching Marcy drop to the ground from being stabbed in front of her eyes.

Amphibia’s Season 2 finale is exactly how you capitalize on a winning story telling formula of dramatic writing, lovable characters with layered depth, and increasing the stakes of your story in an organic manner. True Colors is a finale that should be talked about for a long time to come, as it not only showed how worth the wait it was, but reinforces why Amphibia is a truly great series. It’s unafraid to take its characters to dark places in a way that feels totally earned.

Amphibia Season 2 is everything a sequel to a first film should be.

[izzabeean]

Chapter 5 : Impulse

SUMMARY

You've learned something you wish you didn't about Ushijima and now you wish you could forget.

pairing : ushjima x f!reader / oikawa x f!reader / iwaizumi x f!reader

genre : angst + fluff

word count : 2,836

tags :  alternate universe - college/university, post-break up, friends to lovers, pining, slow burn

a/n : What can I say, Y/N has a bit of a sweet tooth! I mean if I spent a day in the city you bet I would be eating a lot of food. Or is that just me? Anyway, I am happy with how this turned out! The next chapter is going to be so fun!

Will try to post every Thursday evening PST, if not latest by Friday.

Hope you're enjoying the series so far!

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Today sucks. 

After last night, you didn’t think it could get any worse, but you were so wrong. The sliver of hope that today was going to be a bit better quickly vanished in a matter of seconds leaving your heart even more shattered than you thought was possible. 

So why? 

Why is it that you saw the person you’d love the most with a girl you’d never seen before? As much as you wish it weren’t so, the evidence is right in front of you no matter how many times you try to push the image away. 

Staring down at your soft serve ice cream, nearly melted, you let out a big sigh trying to repress the tears wanting to form. You wish your favorite flavor of frozen dessert could solve all your problems, alas, the rich creamy flavors only remind you of a date you had with Ushijima… 

“It’s never too cold for ice cream,” you spout, arms linked with Ushijima marching your way to your favorite ice cream shop. It was this particular spot that made you realize Ushijima is more than what you’ve ever wanted in your life. You’d been dating for six months now, a new record in your love life, also a big surprise you haven’t tired him out with your nonsense.

Instead of arguing whether a cold dessert was an appropriate snack in the winter, he just let out a deep sigh in reply knowing you’re not going to be convinced otherwise. 

“Don’t give me that,” you holler, covering your face in your hands, refusing to look at Ushijima.

Gently, he grabs your hands pulling them away from your face giving you a little kiss on the cheek in apology for his teasing.

“Y/N.”

Oikawa’s voice pulls you out of your bitter memory back to sitting across from him at a cafe. Your heart drops, realizing that there will not be any more moments like that with Ushijima. Did everything always remind you of him this much?

“You’re ice cream,” Oikawa says, eyes locked on to the dessert dripping on your hand. 

Quickly you get up from the table grabbing some napkins to wipe up the mess you’ve made which resonates with you very well at this point. Not only are you emotionally a mess, apparently now you can’t even physically get a hold of yourself. Emotional pain is just temporary, yes, yet there’s this overwhelming feeling that makes you think your entire world is closing in on you.

In the process of cleaning up the sticky residue, you let out a growl noticing it’s dripped onto your palish pants producing a humiliating colored stain. You start pressing on the fabric in hopes your mishap would magically disappear… It doesn’t. 

Oikawa peers down at your pants attempting to conceal his chuckle with a titter.

“It’s not funny,” you rasp.

But Oikawa can’t stop himself from bursting into a loud guffaw resulting in a free-flowing of tears. 

Completely exasperated by the chaos, you throw out what’s left of your liquefied treat and sit back at the table covering your face with your hands. You didn’t feel in a rush to embarrass yourself more by strutting around the city with a large smudge of ice cream on your pants.

Once Oikawa gains his composure, he takes his jacket off and passes it to you across the table.

“You can hold this to cover it,” he offers.

The gesture feels loaded, like the true intent is much more devious than that, especially since he seemed to find it so amusing. There’s no way Oikawa could perform such gracious acts of kindness. 

“Take it,” he says. 

“Aren’t you going to be cold?” You reply, shoving the coat away with your hands. 

Oikawa shrugs, “I’ll be fine.”

Giving in to his persistency, you take the jacket. “Thank you,” you breathe.

You watch Oikawa straighten out his shirt and fix his hair as a couple of girls walk by giggling, smiling at him, one even gives a little wave. It puzzles you how Oikawa can be such a dreamboat, from your years of friendship, his reputation borderlines annoying and childish, but the little gestures he’s made today have really made you rethink; this was a side to Oikawa you’ve never seen before.

On your way back to the train station, you look out toward the horizon and see the sun setting; pinks and oranges fill the sky, and the sight before you is quite romantic. The scene itself ended up turning out to be soothing despite the alarming encounter from earlier.

Now your new reality is finally setting in where there’s no Ushijima.

“I don’t want to go home,” you utter.

Oikawa studies you with your head hanging low. The glow of the sun coats you in its gleaming rays, he wasn’t sure if he was imagining things but he noticed the light capture a shimmer of a single tear tracking down your cheek. Then it finally resonates with him: you're not okay. 

“Wish I could get out of these pants though,” you laugh. Then just like that, you revert to a smile. 

“Let’s take you out,” Oikawa says.

“Out? Like to a club?” You didn’t fully expect any sort of resolution from Oikawa, your comment was meant to be rhetorical. 

“Yeah! You, me, and Iwa! We never go together and it will be good for you to go out to have some fun!”

“I don’t know about that,” you sigh.

Oikawa’s eyes widen, the look on his face is full of excitement basically begging you to say yes. He must know you’re feeling vulnerable because it doesn’t take a moment more of hesitation to.

------

When Oikawa said he was going to take you out, he really meant it. The nightclub is lavish as loud music pulses in your chest while crowds of people huddle around the bar and scatter across the dance floor. 

Oikawa could be considered an avid clubber, how could he not be when he is so popular with girls, and had always tried to convince you to join him. You never really have, but you’ve also never really had your heartbroken to this degree. 

“It’s about to get even more crowded,” Oikawa yells into your ear.

10:13 pm on a Saturday evening and it’s going to get busier? Oh god.

Crowds aren’t your thing. Clubs aren’t your thing. Drinking isn’t really your thing. What are you even doing here?

“Shots?” Oikawa suggests pointing to the bar.

Your stomach churns at the thought. Diving into the night with shots seems excessive; they always leave a bitter taste in your mouth and the strong smell makes you want to gag. You wanted a drink to ease you into the evening...

“6 shots of Jäger,” Oikawa orders. 

Maybe not so much tonight.

The bartender retrieves the alcohol and brings back six shot glasses, each filled to the rim of dark liquor. Holding the shot glass up to your face, the potent smell makes your nose scrunch. With a cheers, you throw back the alcohol and the sensation burns your throat; it’s awful. Knowing there’s a second shot waiting, you don't delay the inevitable.

“Someone’s eager,” Oikawa purrs watching you down the second shot. 

The corners of your mouth turn down as the hairs on your back stand up. You let out an ick and turn to Oikawa and Iwaizumi who are both in awe of your tenacity.  Truthfully, you were shocked too. Then all the tension in your body seems to disperse, from the day, from entering the nightclub. You finally feel relaxed.

“Am I going to be waiting for you all night? Or what?” You tease eyeing their untouched liquor. 

Both men look at each other and take the shot in one gulp. Calling over the bartender you order another round, this time they’re a lot easier to take.

“You’re really not playing around,” Iwaizumi teases, impressed that you’re able to down three shots in a matter of minutes upon entering the venue.

Shifting your gaze to Iwaizumi, he looks so hot in his black button-up shirt with the top two buttons undone. A warm feeling fills your chest, you didn’t know if it was the alcohol hazing your perception or you were genuinely starting to crush on him. 

Damn it, you think to yourself while your eyes continue to linger on him. 

Considering your current situation, the smart thing to do here would be to do nothing. On the other hand, you couldn’t help that your heart fluttered in Iwaizumi’s presence. Surely, he didn’t realize the meaning behind his words but it brought you lower into the sort of absolution that you were definitely forming a rebound crush on him. But you couldn’t let yourself. Of course, if you did, you were bound to hurt Iwaizumi and your friendship with Oikawa. You had to stop yourself before it was too late.

Oikawa’s eyes fall onto you, noticing your ogling. You seem to illuminate with this glow he hasn’t seen all day and for a split second, he is fueled with irritation at the sight. But catches his outward anger and pushes it down, gaining composure. 

------

Keeping up with Oikawa for most of the night was a bad idea. Certainly, it didn’t occur to you until you stumble into the bathroom all by yourself, realizing you were most definitely unable to stand straight without help. 

Check yourself out in the mirror, you pull out your phone to take a raunchy selfie. You smirk at yourself checking the photo before posting it to your social media story.

That will show him, you think, hopeful Ushijima will see the image you’ve posted. He’s not the only one who can have fun.

Before even pressing “post” you get a text from Oikawa asking where you are. You giggle as you type come find me and press send with the intention of finding him first.

As you leave the bathroom, you begin to scan the crowd for Oikawa or Iwaizumi trying to recollect where you last saw them. The crowds of people in the vicinity make it practically impossible and the further you walk into the nightclub, the louder the music gets, the brighter the lights are, the warmer your body feels. 

All you wanted to do was get out.

Stepping outside, there’s this instant relief from the crisp evening air although it doesn’t last long, and soon a violent shiver courses through you. Turning around to go back inside the bouncer stops you then points to what seems like an endless line of people. 

“B-but, I-I just need to get my jacket,” you stammer.

“Sorry, ma’am. You’re going to have to wait in line,” he booms.

Your outward calmness cracks, too anxious to even think up an excuse. You needed to find Oikawa or Iwaizumi and you need to find them now! 

You turn your attention back to your phone as you begin to type out a text to come meet you outside the club.

“Hey sweet cheeks,” a raspy voice calls out.

You look up and see a rough-looking guy in line making intense eye contact with you. Normally you don’t judge, but your drunk bordering wasted self notes this man was very sketchy and it’s best to avoid him. So you turn your back to him and call Oikawa instead.

“Hey don’t ignore me,” he yells.

You start walking in the opposite direction from the line as far away from the stranger as possible. You’re a bit worried he can still see you and slip into an alley beside the nightclub, the phone still ringing on the other end. 

“Pick up. Pick up. Pick up!!” You mutter into the receiver. Oikawa doesn’t, so you try again.

“I don’t like being ignored, sweet cheeks.” The same raspy voice makes you jump as you turn around to see the scraggly man backlit by fluorescent streetlights, only making his appearance more menacing. 

The call goes to Oikawa’s voicemail again.

“Guess your friend ditched ya,” he continued walking closer to you. The statement sobers you up as his aura escalates to a more threatening demeanor. 

“They said they’ll just be out,” you squeal.

“Yeah?” The stranger keeps shortening the distance every step. “Why don’t you come with me?”

He’s so close now that you can smell his disgusting breath and you start to panic. “I-I can’t, I’m waiting for someone, th-thank you though.”

Why the fuck did you say thank you? Your brain screams at you.

“Oh come on sweet cheeks,” he coaxes, reaching out to clasp on to your wrist. “I’ll show you a good time.”

Your body freezes at his touch. It stings as a sharp pain from his grip makes you want to scream or cry, but the shock was melting your ability to. You felt so useless and timid in times of distress. You didn’t know what to do, you couldn’t escape searing clutches of--

“What do you think you’re doing?” A deep voice thunders.

The stranger turns to see the culprit and you slowly glance to see Iwaizumi with an intimidating aura protruding from him. 

“Just having a nice talk,” the stranger purrs, tightening his grip more and you let out a little yelp.

“Is that what this is? She looks pretty scared to me,” Iwaizumi retorts.

“This’ none of your business kid,” the stranger rages.

“Actually it is,” he demands stepping closer. “Let go of her.”

A vein on Iwaizumi’s neck pops out as his hands start to ball into fists. Now the stranger is intensely regretting his choice and you can sense it from the fact he’s visibly shaking. You are nearly on the verge of tears from the pain in your wrist and wonder if he was going to break it.

“Let go,” Iwaizumi orders again.

And this time he does, the man, nothing but a weak buffoon, frees your wrist and walks off in a trudge.

“You okay?” Iwaizumi walks over to you to take a look at your wrist. 

You nod, letting out a deep exhale trying to hide how petrified you were while holding your wrist.

“Does it hurt,” he asks, gently applying pressure to it. “Let me take a look.”

Initially, you flinch at his touch, afraid the searing pain will return, instead, his fingertips lightly trace your wrist while analyzing it thoroughly.

“Let me take you to a hospital to be sure.”

“No, no,” you breathe, locking eyes with him. “I’m fine, just a little sore.

Iwaizumi’s face flickers with a bit of uncertainty but decides not to push it and lets go of your wrist to take out a cigarette.

“Fuck,” you hiss. You felt like an idiot for going off on your own, for drinking this much, for going out at all. “I’m sorry.”

Deeply inhaling the smoke, he turns to you, “For what?”

“For running off by myself, and you totally just saving my ass. It’s just… pathetic,” you exclaim, reverting eye contact with him-- you’re slightly embarrassed and his silence is only telling, considering you barely know each other. “I swear to god, I’m not normally like this.” 

“It’s not pathetic,” he states, shrugging his shoulders. “Oikawa says you’re dealing with shit.”

Your reaction isn’t short of an embarrassment. His words hurt you as the scenario of Oikawa telling Iwaizumi about your break-up fills your mind. You scoff. “I’m fine!”

“You’re a horrible liar.” Iwaizumi didn’t have a problem calling you out as you stared at him after a few moments of silence. 

“So what am I supposed to tell him?” you mutter, this surge of anger sweeps over you, you feel this swell of rage boiling inside. “That it’s ok to see my ex, not even a day broken-up with a new girl? It’s fucking bullshit!”

He turns to look at you and blinks at your reaction. The sudden unexpected word vomit makes you pause. 

“Sorry… I didn’t mean to take it out on you,” you whisper. “It’s just weird, you know, all of it. I didn’t expect to be blindsided like that. It’s just…” You look over to Iwaizumi listening intently to you and feel your face grow hot. “Oh my god, I’m sorry! You never asked.”

It’s awkward and quiet, you’re pretty sure Iwaizumi can feel it too. You’re puzzled with what to say and feel pressured to express a less depressing answer. You didn’t want to drop the mood of the evening. In those moments, it became apparent you needed to sober up.

“Can I have one?” you ask. 

He looks at you with wide eyes, “You smoke?”

You take out your lighter that you have stowed away in your purse flaunting it as evidence of your new bad habit. Iwaizumi tosses you the pack of smokes.

“You’re not going to tell on me, are you?” You’re trying to sound like you’re joking but a hint of worry seeps through and you’re left waiting for a serious response from him.

“Your secret’s safe with me.”