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psmd-lingering-shadows · 2 years ago

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Part 1: Introspection

When I got home, I yelled out for Pops to let him know I was there. However, when I didn’t immediately hear a reply from him, a confused expression formed on my face. Wondering if he somehow didn’t hear me, I went into the kitchen to see if he might have been cooking anything.

Huh…he wasn’t there…

I left the kitchen to see if he was in my room. Whenever I’m not at home, he usually ends up cleaning it because he always complains that I never pick up after myself. Which, uh, isn’t necessarily wrong, but…that’s where I practice my map-making! That’s what I usually do when I’m not outside. And it’s just so inconvenient having to put it all back when I use those materials literally all the time!

…

Uh…Anyway…

I went and checked my room, only to see that it was empty, too. Did that mean he was gone…?

Upon realizing that I was the only one in the house, a small frown formed on my face. I came home early so I could eat together with him, and he wasn’t even here? Aw, what a bummer…

I shook my head and sighed. Well, it’s fine. I’ll just eat by myself, I guess…

I went back to the kitchen and opened the pantry. I saw the leftover food that Pops and I ate last night - half a loaf of Oran Bread. The entire loaf that Pops made was really big, so we couldn’t manage to finish it in one go. I grabbed the bread and set it on the table. Then I grabbed a butter knife from the top drawer and cut a relatively reasonable size off. Then I went back to the pantry and grabbed a few fruits to eat with along with the bread. Once everything was all set, I sat down and started to dig in.

…

…!

Oh my gosh!

A wave of euphoria spread across my entire body. This bread tastes absolutely delicious! They say that leftovers don’t taste as good compared to when they’ve just been made, but this somehow tastes just as good as it did yesterday! Well, I guess that’s Pops for you. Despite being a such a grouch, he’s one of the best cooks I know. I’m so lucky to be able to eat his amazing food every day.

Some time had passed, and before I knew it, my plate was empty. I had completely finished my meal. Geez, I could have sworn that I had some more bread left. Was I that hungry…? Slightly disappointed that I had eaten everything already, I grabbed my plate and put it on the kitchen counter for it to be washed later. Then I took the bread and walked towards the pantry, ready to put it away. That’s when I began eyeing it for a moment, wondering if I should help myself to some more. It wouldn’t be THAT much, just a small piece…

“…”

…N-no! What am I doing?!

For goodness sake, Nozomi…don’t be such a glutton! Save the rest of the bread for Pops! I’m sure he’d want some of it, too.

After briefly reprimanding myself for being so greedy, I put the Oran Bread back in the pantry. Then I headed into my room to work on my map-making skills. I retrieved my materials from my drawer, sat on my bed, and started practicing. I’ve been slowly improving, but I’m nowhere near as good as I wanna be. The geography lessons at school gave me a basic idea of how a map’s supposed to look, but I still need to sketch one on my own to get experience. If I wanna complete a map of the world someday, then I gotta keep practicing!

Yeah, that’s right. It’s been my dream to create a map of the whole world and travel since I was little. I’d go on all sorts of adventures, meet all kinds of Pokémon…it would be so much fun! I’ve been hoping to achieve that dream all this time, and right now, the best possibility of that happening is if I traveled to Lively Town and joined the Expedition Society! If I were to do that, I’d be one step closer to making it come true. But, whenever I mention the idea to my Pops or anyone in the village, they all tell me the same thing - I’m too young to join the Expedition Society or even leave the village. I’ve been discouraged from leaving the village more times than I can count. But you know what? It doesn’t matter! I’m never giving up on my dream, no matter what others tell me! I’ll keep working towards it until it finally comes true. Just watch me!

…Whoa, I kinda got riled up for a moment there, didn’t I? Hehe, I usually get like this whenever I start to think about that stuff. …Um, wait a second. What was I doing before…?

Oh yeah! Map-making!

I shook my head and took a deep breath to get myself to focus, then went back to practicing. From the moment I started to the moment I finished, I was completely into it. I was super-determined to get better at this. Once I was finished with the current map I was working on, I went and got the map that I had completed a few days ago. I looked between the map I had just finished and the previous one to see whether or not I had improved at all.

…

“…Mm-hmm!”

A satisfied expression formed on my face. Oh, yeah. This one was totally better - loads more detailed than the other one. This was definitely a step-up from before! Alright!

After happily doing a small celebratory dance to acknowledge the fact that I was improving, I went ahead and gathered up all of my materials and put them back in the drawer. Then I looked outside the window of my room and saw that the sun was beginning to set. That’s when I suddenly realized - Pops still wasn’t back yet. I was so wrapped up in my own stuff that I didn’t even notice before. I was starting to get a little concerned. He should have been back by now. Did something happen…?

Suddenly, as if on cue, I heard footsteps approaching the house. I immediately looked out the window again and saw Pops walking towards the front door. A sigh of relief escaped from my beak knowing that he was okay. I excitedly ran towards the entrance and opened the door for him before he got to it. He noticed the door opening and saw me standing at the entrance, causing him to stare at me curiously. When he got inside, I ran up to him and gave him a big hug, causing him to chuckle and pat my head in response.

“Well, now. You seem to be in high spirits this evening,” he jested.

I kept hugging him for a few more seconds until I eventually decided to let go of him. Then I asked him where he was this whole time.

“Hmm? Where was I? Mr. Hippopotas asked me to help with some chores at his home, and I agreed. It ended up taking a bit longer than I would have hoped for, though…”

Then he gave me a questioning look until he realized why I asked him that question. “Hold on…you haven’t been here this entire time, have you?” he asked.

I nodded at him and explained that I wanted to eat dinner with him as a way of making up for leaving so suddenly this morning. Once he heard that, he looked down with a slightly guilty expression.

“I see…I’m sorry for not being here, then. You’re usually off somewhere in the village after school ends, so the thought didn’t even cross my mind that you’d come home so early.”

Well, I guess he does have a point.

“Well, regardless, I do appreciate you wanting to do that. Don’t worry, though. I’ll be home tomorrow, so we can eat together then,” he said with a smile.

I returned the smile and eagerly nodded in response to what he said. That definitely sounded good to me!

When that was settled, Pops decided to switch the subject. “Ah, speaking of school, how did it go today? Did you manage to make it on time?” he asked.

…Oh, right. School.

Not really wanting to go into detail about the entire day, I simply told him that I managed to make it time and that the school day went on normally.

Once I finished speaking, Pops nodded his head. “I see. Well, it’s a relief to know that you didn’t get into trouble…this time,” he said, causing me to avert my eyes and awkwardly clear my throat. “But…this whole situation is still worrying.”

I stared at him with a confused expression. Worrying? What is?

“Well, for the past few weeks, you’ve started sleeping in more. It’s gotten so bad that I’ve had to wake you up from time to time so you could avoid being late for school…like today. Even then, you don’t always make it on time.”

…

“And when you do manage to wake up on your own, you always look so drained…like you didn’t get any rest at all. I usually have to give you a cup of Chesto Juice to rid your body of any lingering drowsiness. The way you look in the morning…it’s the complete opposite of the Nozomi I’ve grown to know in the last ten years.”

…

“When it first started happening, I thought that you might have been sick. But from what I’ve seen, you seem to feel better once you’ve gotten some energy in your system, so that doesn’t seem to be the case. And it looks like you’ve been carrying on this entire time as your usual self, but I just can’t quite shake the feeling that there’s just something…off about you.”

…

“I’ve kept quiet about it all this time because I assumed you would let me know if anything was bothering you. But it’s been three weeks since it started happening and you haven’t said a word. So, I’ll ask you what I should have asked you sooner - is everything alright?”

…

“Nozomi.”

I…

Pops was looking at me with a stern, yet concerned expression. It honestly caught me off guard. I didn’t really know how to answer him. It’s not like I wanted to lie to him. Everything was fine. At least, I thought it was. But, when he mentioned how something seemed off about me, I was overcome with a strange feeling…It was like a memory that I had forgotten was trying to come back to me. But no matter how hard I tried to get it to resurface, it would always be pushed back down into the depths of my mind. It was so darn frustrating…

I turned my attention back to Pops, who was still waiting for an answer. I honestly wanted to try and get to the bottom of the problem, but everything seemed fine at the moment. Or, if it wasn’t, I couldn’t figure out what it was yet. In the end, I simply nodded and told him everything was okay.

Pops kept staring at me, obviously skeptical of my answer. “Really? Nothing is going on? Are you absolutely sure?” he asked.

I gave him a reassuring smile and gave him the same answer: everything was totally fine. Then I promised him that if something was wrong, I’d be sure to tell him.

After a few more seconds of staring, Pops relented and gave me a sigh. “Very well. I’ll choose to believe your words for the time being. But…if you have any sort of problem, you had better talk to me about it like you promised you would, understood?” he asked with a hint of strictness in his voice.

I looked at him with a serious expression and gave him a single nod.

Yeah…I completely understand.

“…Alright, then. If you’re certain that everything’s fine, then I’ll leave it at that. Now then…” he said as he gestured towards his belly, “…I’m quite famished. You made sure to save some of the Oran Bread, right?” he asked. When I told him that I did, he smiled. “Ah, good. A part of me expected you to have eaten the rest of it all,” he said teasingly.

Wha-?! Hey!

I gave him an annoyed pout, causing him to chuckle and pat my head again.

“Alright, now. I’ll be eating in the kitchen. Give me a holler if you need anything.”

And with that, Pops walked past me and headed for the pantry to get the bread. I went back to my room and ended up spending the rest of the evening thinking about what Pops said. Eventually, nighttime came, and I was getting ready for bed. However, despite trying not let our conversation bother me, I just couldn’t help it, especially that one part of what he said. Something was off about me, huh…? I wonder what that could be. There was also that odd sensation I felt during our conversation, too. And on top of that, I keep oversleeping and waking up with no energy? This all just seemed to weird to me. Why was this all happening at once? Could they somehow be related…?

…

Nngh…

Ugh, thinking about this is making me tired.

I groaned in frustration as I plopped down on my bed. No, no more thinking about this. It’s all just in my head. I’m just freaking out over nothing! It’s gotta be a coincidence!

It’s gotta be…

…

Right…?

With those lingering concerns still floating around in my head, I somehow managed to fall into a deep, yet troubling slumber.

#pmd #pokemon #pokémon mystery dungeon #pokemon super mystery dungeon #piplup #carracosta #story #fanfic #writing

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recoverywithgh0ul · 7 months ago

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Welcome back to the second installment offfffff what i eat in a day >o< (hopefully with some pictures)

Again basic TW for mentions of food and thoughts related to food~ also please apply the disclaimer from my last post to this one,, my body is not your body, and please provide it with what you need~/lh

(So generally speaking the last couple of days the night before I’ve kinda sat down a predetermined what i was going to have the next day, big three wise. I’ve noticed this helps me a tooonnnnn, especially since sometimes when i don’t know what to make i can grab something quick and easy, or possibly order in :/ also, I’m prewriting this part at like 4:11 am bc i can’t sleep lmao. )

Breakfast~

Okay, so for breakfast i had/am having right now lol, one egg on toast with cottage cheese, topped with chili crisp. As a side i have some tomato, and some air fried potatoes. Oh, and the dip is ranch.

(I like to put it in this portion plate both because it’s honestly adorable, and because it helps me feel fuller since, as I’ve mentioned in another post, I’m a volume eater. So plating it like this, for me can control my portions and honestly just make things a whole bunch easier because i usually have a problem over serving myself. This will not work for everyone, my portions will not be equal to everyone’s, but i can assure you, i am eating until I’m full and satisfied. Which on that note can be kinda scary. This morning was kinda rough, I wasn’t able to fall back asleep so i kinda struggled with that hunger feeling until around 6 and then just got sick of it, so i made a coffee with protein powder to hold me over to a “acceptable time for breakfast” knee jerk reaction on this thought? Stupid. Like, there’s no acceptable time to eat, you eat when your body needs food. Compassionate thought? You had a bad morning, everyone does. Good thing about it, is even though it might’ve been delayed and you went through some hurdles, you still ate, and that’s a victory in itself. Recovery is a beast, but I’m determined to show it, I’m stronger.)

Snack~

Okay, so snack, some dried pineapple, and saltines with PB and pumpkin pie seasoning. Pretty good honestly 8/10( i ended up only eating eating two of the crackers, but all of the fruit)

(I hated that i was hungry, plain and simple, but i owe it to my body to eat- and it’s not a bad thing to have a snack. Am i internally freaking bc i have no idea how many this or that and- it goes on, yes, yes i am. But, it’s what i wanted, it’s not over board, and in the long run taking care and honoring my hunger now, will prevent a binge in the future. <3 )

Snack~

Piece of habanero cheese, and two of those PB crackers from earlier made into a sandwich(like put together), no pics bc I’m lazy. I’ll do my best to get a pic for lunch tho~

(Today is proving to be a wacky day to say the least, i do want to preface this and say, all my days are NOT like this. But at this point it might seem like I’ll be eating lunch a little later in the day, so im going to have another small snack to tide me over, because that’s what my body deserves, and I’m honoring my hunger >.< for context i have to get groceries delivered because i don’t drive, and they were taking longer than expected- so yeah :/ )

Lunch~

For lunch i had a honey turkey wrap, with a side of sweet bell peppers, chips, and a dollop of ranch for dipping. Super simple, super easy, and super filling. Also helped me battle a craving for fast food, so extra feeling of accomplishment :>

(So groceries finally got here, chaos adverted, lunch has been made and eaten 10/10 the only thing with this meal is just the pure anxiety that feeling full has left. Did i over indulge? No, i ate until i was full, which is perfectly okay and normal. Today really is a day of pushing. My limits and just for lack of better words, being okay with it.)

Dinner~

Chili crisp oil garlic soup with rice, drizzled with garlic spicy sauce

(For dinner i was having really strong cravings to binge honestly, i think the stress just generally from the day is starting to get to me. To combat this, im going to partake in a coping skill to distract myself, most likely writing :> )

Snack~

PB toast with some type of topping(not sure if i want sweet or savory yet >.<)

(For snack I’m going to leave it as a option for myself, so i know I’ll be full through the night, to avoid whatever this morning was :/)

Drinks~

Protein powder with iced coffee

Aloe coconut drink with a bit of a strawberry peach crystal light flavoring packet

Aloe pineapple drink

Water throughout the day

So that was another complete what i eat in a day, today was definitely different, and 100% more stressful, but overall, I’m trying to create healthy eating habits, and eating healthy is eating in moderation, and i can still do that, and feel happy with my food choices both in a satisfied way, and my body getting what it needs way~

I hope if you’re reading this, you have a great day/night, stay strong, and love yourself~ and remember recovery is never hard, but it’s always worth it,,/g /lh

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taco-drinking-bleach · 7 months ago

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Still thinking about something someone said, "do you love them or are you in love with them" I was confused. They tried to explain. And I think I understood what they meant, but I don't really understand THEM. They are strong willed and will debate something endlessly and rant to try to get their point across. Even if they are wrong. they also aren't always the best at explaining things. What I do know is that. I cannot agree with this statement that they were making, "do you love the person, or do you LOVE the person". I find it confusing. Love is special. You can give it a thousand times in many different ways, and it will still be special. Love is seeing the person, its seeing all the little things they do, its a basic understanding that no matter how alike or akin to another we might be. We are all different in some way. Some ways that is only us. A hand moment picked up from your mother. the way you sit. The way you eat certain foods. Love is given freely because we live freely with who we are. Even if we can't dress or physically do what we want. Our minds are our minds. Love can be felt over and over again because of this, but different loves are also addictive. like there are a ton of fruit. You can like strawberry more then raspberry. And other ways people love you can be liked or not. that is unacquitted love. To disregarded any love because its different is failing the understanding love. Yes I love my GF, more then the world. I love her to the moon and back, But if one day she stopped loving me I would have to move on. I would hurt and always miss her. Because love was there. My love can change. I can love them like a friend after. Relationship love ISN'T stronger then love, its not special, its not vastly crazy. Its different. Its a different love that will stick unlike others.

This is why we miss people, we love them. Even if they hurt us. I told them "I love my GF" they said "that's crazy, and to fast". I didn't state how long we were dating, how long we knew each other, how long we were friends, how long we knew OF each other or what was the speed of our relationship. She thought we where to young to know love, LOVE. I find that silly, Will she be my one forever? maybe not, maybe so. I hope so but life is silly. Being young doesn't stop your understanding of love, you just can't explain it yet. I knew that when I threw something up It always came down. I didn't know gravity, I didn't know space, but I knew it fell. Life is experiences, life is love. If you aren't given that, find love in the unlovable. Find joy in the sadness. In a dark place to grow up, in a shitty life. Look outside for a moment. look at the leaves colors. Look at the food that you can eat. look at the ones you had a chance to love. Even if you have none of that. look at the chance you were given. In a bad place you can always find a future. Life will never be easy, it will not get easier. What will happen is love. Someone will love you you help. Or YOU will love yourself. you must force yourself to learn to love yourself. "find love in the unlovable". The only reason you don't is because you think you know yourself to well. every small thing. But like I can look at a piece of plastic and think of the thing that it was. The joy that it brought, Even if it is only a shard of what it was. It was still, once, that thing. So yes, I love them with all my heart, (I "Love, LOVE them") like I love most if not all things. for that is the love that I will give. that is my gift. No matter the folly that I might have, No matter the thoughts of others. I will love, no matter the pain, no matter the loss. My love can make a difference not only to myself, but to others. I hope you can understand that your love has ability as well. :)

#This is why “live-laugh-love” is so shit #Its shallow #It doesn't understand #Its not loving #Its just a way to make people “feel better”#You cannot give with explaining #you cannot love without loving #I hate shallow motivational quotes #fyp #rant post #rant #mini rant #personal rant

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blue-eyed-bloodstains · 2 years ago

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Look out of the nearest window. What do you see? Details, please. well it’s still dark out right now, sunrise isn’t for another hour but I see illuminated in the lampposts our driveway and the silhouettes of his Jeep in front of the house, and our neighbor’s house as well as the outline of her car parked next to hers and her front porch steps

When you think of the word “posh”, what springs to mind? British lol especially skits from Michael McIntyre (brit comedian)

When you have chocolate, do you eat it room temperature? yeah always

Or are you like me and stick the bar into the fridge first? nope only if it’s like chocolate ice cream from the grocery store

What’s the most shocking thing that’s happened in your part of town? umm no idea to be honest? ours is very small and quiet up along the backroads for the most part so anything shocking would be probably be in Reading or surrounding towns

Which brand are your headphones/earbuds? I have a pair of white Apple earphones and yes, with the chord attached

Do you see planes fly over your house at all? all the time, our small airport is about 5-10 mins down the road so planes and occasional choppers flying overhead pretty low

Are there any constellations you recognize just by looking at them? yeah I always know Orion, I’ve never really gotten how to recognize others but we can see a lot of em here

Which room of your house/apartment do you spend the most time in? living room

Which insect do you find the most beautiful? butterflies, some fuzzy caterpillars too I love the patterns

Did you have crafts/woodwork at school growing up? I had shop once in 6th grade, loved it. I had art class in middle school 7th grade where one of my best girlfriends taught me how to draw basic anime characters and we did paper mache, made a clay pot, did some weaving...

If so, what was the best assignment you did for it? I loved it all, I love art and making things. especially when I learned how to do shading with drawings and oil pastels

Do you have a friend who likes to tell you everything? yeah

What was the last thing you got very excited about? not much lately, it’s been hell breaking loose lately You can go to any city in any country you want. Which city do you go to? London or somewhere in Italy

Do you like gardening? If so, what do you grow? I’ve never done any but I’d love to grow white roses and homegrown veggies and fruits

Do you enjoy puzzle games? If so, which one’s your favourite? yeah, I love crosswords mostly

Is there a substance you avoid at all costs? If so, what is it and why? I mean I’ve never done any hard drugs and never really even wanted to so...I guess any substance where you’d have to shoot up. I hate needles, I’d never wanna get desperate enough to need to use them on myself constantly

What would you love to live next door to? a liquor store or bar

What gives you nostalgia? lots of things

What’s the best thing about fall? the colors

What’s the worst thing about fall? certain dates that happen during...

Do you get cold easily? Or are you constantly hot? complete opposite. I’m constantly overheating due to an illness of mine so it’s very hard to deal every day especially with certain temperatures

When you think of a classy drink, what comes to mind first? martini

Do you prefer eating out or cooking your own meals? eating out, I can’t cook

Which language do you think is the most complicated to learn? every language has it’s difficulties so any of em

Is there a place that you might call your second home? his arms

How do you imagine your later life to look like? no fucking clue anymore...

What is a job you would never in a million years want to do? ask Mike Jobs lol there’s a show specifically to answer this

Is there a piece of jewelry that you feel naked without? my engagement ring

Do you ever “go commando”? yeah sometimes

Do you ever try to make words out of number sequences you see? no

What’s the sweetest thing someone’s done for you? loved me...

Which wild animals are a common sight in your area? what isn’t, actually? lol we have a lot of wildlife and cattle around here given the farmlands...it’s PA, man.

What’s the weirdest building in your city? the Pagoda given the design but it’s beautiful, especially at night with the red lights lit up

How do you keep in touch with friends usually? texting/messaging

Do you get a lot of visitors? not a soul

Do you recognize friends’/family’s vehicles by sound? in the past one or two yeah, but right now my fiance’s Jeep. always.

Which Disney villain is your favourite? Scar

On a regular day, what do you usually do at 3 o'clock in the afternoon? if I’m not dozing, usually watching tv and scrolling on my phone

What’s something new you’ve just recently learned? not sure

Which possession would you not want to inherit from a relative? their reputation.

What is something you would never dare to do in public? anything that draws attention to me

Would you/ did you have a hen night/bachelorette party? haven’t gotten there yet, still haven’t been able to even plan the wedding...somewhere down the line maybe

Has anyone taken you on holiday somewhere? If so, where? yeah, my fiance to VA back in 2016 to where he was stationed while in the Navy and back in 2021 to LA I got to go on a work trip with him finally since I never can otherwise

Have you taken somebody on holiday? If so, where did you taken them? no I don’t have the money

Who do you see as an iconic star? too many to list

Have you ever been to a vineyard? yeah

Are there any swans around where you live? I haven’t seen any but who knows, possibly

Does anyone in your inner circle struggle with addiction? try my entire family, including myself

Has anyone told you lately that you have a nice smile? nope and I never believe it or see it when they do

How did you spend your last birthday? was just three weeks ago and spent it here alone...DoorDashed myself a nice steak dinner from Outback, that’s it..

#survey #bored #random #about me

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bitchkay · 2 years ago

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Picnic Date♡

~Knight

CW: small Knight♡, tooth rotting fluff, outdoor painting date, no description of hair color, skin color, height, body type, outfit or any distinct features, maybe little personality queues specific to me but that's it

Rating: General consumption

Word count: 1121

Note: I love Knight so much I wanna get married--

Update: I just read Knights route of the new event path(I read Tinos first) and I'm gonna start crying rn I love him sm--

"I can carry this all myself you know.."

I wanted to go out and paint in my free time, enjoy this beautiful day while creating something new, seeing as there were no lectures today and I hadn't painted in a while. My paramour, Knight, also having time to spare, offered to join me, turning this into a tranquil picnic/painting date.

"Nonsense, I shan't let you carry this all on your own," Knight said, carrying my bag full of my paints and paint brushes, and the canvas I had made for the occasion, leaving me with the picnic basket full of goods to snack on.

"Knight," I whined, dragging out his name.

Not that I don't appreciate the help, but I'm plenty capable of carrying my own things.

Arriving at our destination, a grassy field with tall trees shading the area, flowers and other plants in the surroundings, I laid out the picnic blanket next to a tree placing the basket down in the middle, Knight placing my things on the blanket as we sat down.

"I told Tino we were going on a picnic and he gave me some fresh bread for us to eat, I also made us some sandwiches, packed some fruit, biscuits, not necessarily a hardy meal but perfect for a mid day picnic," I smiled taking my paints out, seeing Knight empty the basket.

"What kind of sandwiches are these?" Knight asked, taking out a couple trying to inspect the contents without removing the plastic wrap.

"Try one, let me know what you think."

I watched him unwrap one of the sandwiches waiting for a reaction only to see him take the smallest bite known to man, basically nibbling on the crust.

"Come on, take a bigger bite than that, the good stuff's on the inside of the bread ya know," I said really to shove the thing down his throat.

"Alright! Alright! I am eating!" Knight said, leaning back away from me, taking a big bite, crunching through the sandwich. "It's full of greens!"

"Yeah, do you like it?! I know not everyone's a fan of vegetables but I use to love this sandwich when someone would get it for me, it has lettuce, cucumbers, salted avocados raw broccoli-"

"This is amazing!"

"Do you really like it?!" I said smiling, hearts in my eyes as he devoured the sandwich reaching for another. "I made plenty more so dig in! There's also fruits and baby carrots-"

"You really like eating healthy don't you?" Knight questioned opening up another sandwich.

"It's not that I like eating healthy, I just like vegetables I guess," I said, taking out my own sandwich.

Setting up my canvas, laying a piece of fabric on my lap to protect my clothes, I dipped my brush in the cup of water.

"Knight?"

"Hm?" he answered, fiddling with a vine of grapes.

"Pick a color, any color," I said, gesturing to the many jars of paint laid out.

"You want.. me to pick?"

"Of course, any color will do, pick as many or as little as you want," I said.

Knight put a finger to his chin in thought scooting closer to me for a better look. Looking at the different colors and different shades and tones of different colors, he narrowed his eyes in thought.

"Or how about I paint you?" I suggested.

"Me?!" Knight yelped.

"Yeah… you're really cute♡ and you have quite the fixed color palette, I think it'd be fun," I said, taking his cheek and turning his face my way.

Knight blushed deeply at the action, loss for words as he looked back at me. I caressed his cheek with my thumb giving him a small peck on the lips.

"Do you like that idea?♡~"

"I- um.. I mean- you- like- it's uh.." I giggled as he fumbled his words, face red to the tips of his ears.

So cute☆

"Or I can paint something else? I'll let you choose," I said without dropping my hand from his face.

Knight fumbled for a second before picking up a couple jars of paint.

"How about… you make something with these," Knight said, holding up three jars. Lavender, light green and light blue.

"Perfect," I said, stealing one of his grapes.

"Knight, can I have a biscuit please," I asked without looking at him.

"Of course, here," Knight held out the biscuit for me, looking at me oddly when I didn't take it.

"Ah," I opened my mouth.

"... you have hands."

"Knight! I have paint on my hands, please," I said, showing him my fingers.

"... um," Knight averted his gaze.

"Come on, no one's here, and I want a biscuit. Ah," I opened my mouth again waiting to be fed.

"Dragon's teeth, fine," he said, breaking a piece and putting it in my mouth, letting me chew before I opened my mouth again.

"More please☆"

"Boop."

"Boop?? What's boo- did you just put paint on me?!" Knight scrambled when I taped his nose with a blue paint covered finger.

"Calm down, you'll make a mess, it isn't toxic, nor will it take long to dry, you can peel it off," I said, peeling some dried paint off my hands.

"Still… you're the painter not I," he pouted.

"And you're the painter's paramour, I'm a package deal hehe."

"A package de-?? What?"

"Ta-da!"

"Pretty."

"So how'd I do, critique me," I said, propping the painting against the tree.

"Nice colors."

"You picked them."

"I know," Knight chuckled lightly, standing at my side. "Your work could hang in a gallery."

"You flatter me, be mean for once," I say, pushing his shoulder.

"I speak only the truth, this is beautiful.." he said looking me in the eyes.

"I was only thinking of how nice it was to be here with you today… a picnic lunch, the fresh air, painting.. you, it's perfect," I said, holding his gaze.

Knight blushed hearing the sincerity in my voice. Grabbing my hand he tugged me closer, staring at point blank range he called out my name.

"... I should like to kiss you now.." it sounded more like he was questioning himself then he probably would've liked.

"Go ahead."

Slipping his arms around my waist he pulled me in pressing his lips against mine. I held firmly at his biceps as I returned his advances with the same amount of affection.

Releasing each other's lips with a smack of the lips I smiled.

"Wanna help me hang this up in my room?"

©bitchkay.tumblr.com

I'm in love with him.

I wanna get married and like have little baby Knights running around, ion even like kids but if he wanted some I'd make him a daddy no hesitation come here baby, gimme some loving😼😼 /hj

#cod knight #court of darkness #fanfiction #otome fanfic #I love Knight so much give me more event stories🤬🤬#voltage inc #cod fanfic #court of darkness knight #court of darkness fanfiction #kay's writing

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jostepherjoestar · 4 years ago

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Hewwo queen😔if you're still taking requests, could I ask one with la squadra and an artist s/o? Thank you💕💕💕

La Squadra with an artist s/o

sfw // gn reader // First of all... this was the request I mentioned before. I want everyone the address me with “Hewwo Queen😔” from now on!! it make me laugh so hard cause it reminds me of the “then perish” meme thanks for the lovely request <3

Risotto

Risotto admires your talent, often times when he’s trying his best to relax for once, he finds himself looking through your sketchbooks and drawings. He loves seeing your progress and noticing how you always seem to capture the lighting right.

When he gets to your most recent sketchbooks he starts to notice a familiar figure pop up a lot. Himself. Drawn in all sort of poses, his muscles being a great way to study body shapes as you tried to explain with a cheeky grin on your face when he asks you to explain your drawings of him.

On a quiet night you snuck up to your tall boyfriend, as well as you could sneak up on an assassin, with a present behind your back. Excited to see his reaction you handed him the wrapped canvas. Risotto made sure not to rip the pretty wrapping and had a stern look on his face as he saw the surface of the painting. You knew not to expect too much from him reaction wise so you were curious to hear what he had to say.

He just kept staring at the canvas, it was a painting of the only picture you had together. Privacy being a real issue in Passione. You’d asked Melone to take the photo when Risotto was asleep and you posed beside him, kissing him on the cheek. You’d showed him the picture, promising to keep it on you at all times and not to show it to anyone.

“I love it. So much, really darling this- Thank you.” he almost sounded flustered, reaching out to hug you. His reaction was so sweet, you knew he truly loved it. He placed it on the wall near his desk so he could look at it whenever he was working away, like most nights. A couple days later you found a wrapped pencil case on your drawing desk, new pencils, your favourite kind. A little stick man drawn on the card that said “I love you” in a crooked text bubble.

Formaggio

He’s in constant awe of how good you are, constantly praising you and showing off to anyone who’ll listen. He once showed a small drawing you did of a flower he kept in his wallet to a waiter while paying for the meal, embarrassing you to the max.

Seeing you study plants, people, landscapes, buildings, lighting, shadows, basically everything, he tried to see the world through your artistic eyes. He’d never really payed attention to expressing himself that way so he was curious to try.

Setting up canvasses or sketchbooks, all sorts of materials laid out in front of you to experiment with. You set up a still life on the table in front of you, a vase of flowers and some fruit strewn about. Assuring him this isn’t about how pretty or perfect the result is, but about how he sees the setup and wants to express it on the canvas or paper.

After both finishing you’re amazed by the colours he used and how abstract he painted the flowers and fruits. Your complements boosting his confidence. “But you’re still the real artist here sweetheart.” he said as he squeezed your hip as he admired your sketch.

You put his little painting in a frame and set it on your drawing desk, reminding yourself of your number one fan whenever you looked at it. It became a new relaxing activity for the two of you to enjoy with a glass of wine and snacks as you painted and drew together.

Illuso

Illuso loves art, but in particular he loves renaissance art. Whenever you two can, you’ll visit a gallery to admire the large paintings and sculptures. Illuso is quite judgy as well, offering no soft commentary on work he doesn’t enjoy. It’s mostly modern art he doesn’t like.

You try out different styles every now and then whenever you feel stuck in your own personal one, seeing if it could inspire you. To help in those situations Illuso has bought you multiple heavy books on his favourite painters. He isn’t afraid to venture into more recent styles, but he keeps it mostly to Italian or European artists.

When you tried out a more modern style in your newest experiment, he was surprised that he liked it as much as he did. “This is actually pretty good amore.” the complement sounding perhaps more like an insult, but you knew he meant it well.

Illuso himself however couldn’t draw, paint, sculpt or even photograph. He just had a hard time expressing himself in an artistic way, commenting one day that “Can’t I just be the art myself?” earning a chuckle from you.

Prosciutto

Now Prosciutto likes art, classical paintings and sculptures but he doesn’t pay them any mind for too long. Yes it’s nice to look at but honestly he’d rather spend his time on other stuff. So when he met you he learned to appreciate art more. You’d show him around your workspace and show him the projects you’re working on.

The more you showed him the more he realised that being an artist isn’t just a hobby, it could also be a job as well. He never really thought it about it this way, realising that art is literally all around him. You were able to broaden his view, that you teased was sometimes a little too narrow.

He looks up to you for being able to express you thoughts and ideas and make something beautiful out of them.

As a gang member who has a lot of responsibility he prefers to spend his little amount of free time with the people he loves and trusts, like sitting around reading the paper or a book while you’re working away at your next piece.

Whenever you make him something, be it a drawing, painting, sculpture, and tell him he inspired it he will try his best not to blush. Taking you into a tight hug to cover up his face, thanking you for thinking of him. Honestly he loves that you’re creative and made him open his eyes a little more to the world he thought he already knew so well.

Pesci

The two of you have a cute tradition ever since you started going out together. A couple dates in, he slid you a napkin, face flushed red, with a scraggily drawn Pesci asking if he could be your boyfriend. Of course you happily accepted, having kept the napkin and pinned it to your wall next to your bed. Since then every time you go out and there’s a napkin around the two of you draw each other a funny figure or object.

To the other’s chagrin sometimes, creating way too many inside jokes that they don’t get. What do they not get, it’s a bowl of pasta with cheese on it saying “Cheesed to meet you!”

Besides the cute napkin drawings you store safely in a box, Pesci loves helping you out whenever he can. If you need him to help transport stuff he’ll gladly rent a car and drive, making sure that the ride becomes a cute little date.

He’ll always cheer you on when you feel stuck, doing whatever he can to aid you. Or if you’re having another failed all nighter, fallen asleep on your desk, he’ll come pick you up and carry you to bed. Blushing when you kiss him on the nose to thank him for it.

Melone

Melone absolutely loves that you’re an artist! He loves analysing art and the way people respond to it, the human psyche just really excites him. Often times asking people what they were feeling or what they interpreted when looking at your work. Like he was asking around for a survey, it was just his own curiosity.

He also loves modelling for you. You want him to sit in the garden on a rock between the rose bushes? No problem! Nude? NO PROBLEM! He’ll suggest it every time you ask him to model, assuring him that you won’t need another upclose muscle study for a fourth time this week.

He’ll be your personal promoter and manager if you want him to be, making sure if you want a personal gallery opening that you don’t get scammed for rent and that you can hike up the prices just a tiny little more on your own pieces. He’ll get you connected faster than the speed of light if you want him to.

But most of all he admires how hard you work and the effort you put into your art. He sees a piece of you in every project. You’ll find him staring at your work, a love struck look in his eyes. He’s quite a sappy guy when it comes to this stuff.

Just be sure to not let him near anyone who doesn’t like your work. Another attempt at murder at a gallery opening is not the publicity you want.

Ghiaccio

Ghiaccio loves abstract colourful art. Other styles that are too complicated or overhyped just makes him annoyed. He loves the simplicity of it, not paying any mind to any hidden meanings. If you do a lot of stuff in a modern or abstract style he’d pay you for the pieces even though he’s your partner. He just really loves supporting you and knows some people don’t compensate artists enough.

You were surprised at his interest, thinking him to not have the temper for art. Although you did discover, during a visit to a new modern exhibit in a local gallery, that Ghiaccio HATED it when the artists act pretentious and the vision of their work doesn’t match up with Ghiacco’s. Mumbling under his breath how “It’s just a square, a beautiful one yes, but it’s not representing how your mom didn’t love you!��.

You don’t comment too much on the meaning behind the modern pieces, he doesn’t seem like he wants to think about it anyway. So you let him enjoy the colourful shapes in his own way.

For his birthday you’d painted an abstract shapely piece in his colours; icy blue’s and the pop of red from his glasses and shoes. Swirly shapes that represented his hair. When you presented it to him his eyes lit up, earning you a passionate kiss that lasted a little too long, you had the rest of La Squadra waiting to eat the birthday dinner, eyerolls and clearing throats making Ghiacco let go with an annoyed growl. He loved it, since you made it and customised to him, he’ll cherish it forever.

#sfw #gender neutral reader #jjba x reader #la squadra headcanons #jjba headcanons #jjba part 5 headcanons #la squadra x reader #risotto x reader #formaggio x reader #illuso x reader #prosciutto x reader #pesci x reader #melone x reader #ghiaccio x reader #cozy request

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inkofamethyst · 2 years ago

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August 1, 2022

If someone mentions the 1890s I practically froth at the mouth and I blame that exclusively on Bernadette Banner.

It doesn’t help that Absolute History has plenty of documentaries/series based on that era. I binged Victorian House and have found comfort in the Arts and Crafts movement of the late Victorian era. It’s a lovely little series that combines historical documentary, reality television, and competition in a package complete with lovely costuming.

I made butter cookies [edit: my mom says they taste like shortbread which I’ve never had but I’ve been binging Victorian Upstairs Downstairs and Rose used a beautiful mold to form a shortbread she made and now I want one desperately] and by themselves they’re just alright but with strawberry jam??? Impeccable. Eating one I feel like I’ve stepped into one of those cottagecore aesthetic photos. I just need some fresh fruit, a field, a picnic blanket, and a sundress and that could be me. I generally do not trust the oven in my apartment’s kitchen but since my meal plan this semester is going to be minimal I think I might try baking cookies in there every once in a while. I just wish I was faster at cooking you know? It’s another one of those things where I just have to remind myself that practicing it will make me better and that I can’t expect to immediately master cooking or anything for that matter and that it’s okay to have little (or big) fails along the way.

Speaking of things I’m getting better at, I finished the pink dress (it’s okay, and I’m glad I made it, but I need to find an event to wear it to) and immediately began working with the seafoam/robin egg blue cotton/linen. I basically worked on that thing for a whole day and cranked out most of what I’m calling a “double pleat” skirt (ankle length, side pocket opening, white cotton ‘round the interior hem (literally just copying Sondeflor tbh but it’s not like I’m selling it, I just think it’s a cute detail)) which basically gives more flare for each pleat than a normal 3-times-your-waist (this came out to ~4.5 times my waist!) and it’s kind of fantastic and I want to make so many more of these. It went together super quick (and I took my time, basting each pleat by hand) bc it was just rectangles (after I worked out the math) and I mean its main purpose is going to be a Renn Faire piece probably because the single issue with it is that I sewed some of the rectangles together (I had to use piecing bc the fabric wasn’t wide enough) on the selvages since usually the selvages are the most stable parts of the fabric but after I’d finished french seaming pretty much everything I discovered that these selvages were super loosely woven and that this caused a ton of weird warping problems and it’s like not terrible but it is certainly noticeable (and also bc the color isn’t really something I think I’d like to wear daily). BUT despite all that (I mean there’s a small chance that I could fix the warping issue but I’d have to be really careful) I really like it! It’s super voluminous and makes me feel like a fairytale maiden. Oh to be an elf named Elowyn galivanting through a forest devoid of creepy crawlies and wearing an impractically long dress (though I must say I’m glad I went for a two-piece, more mixing and matching that way (once I get to making more pieces, that is)).

The next part of the faire kit is going to be a bodice (made from the princess seam block which I’ve finally finished, I think) which will be made from whatever’s left over from the skirt fabric, flatlined with muslin probably (or maybe linen if I can find some stashed away). Ideally I’ll bind the edges with bias tape and figure out how to bind eyelets by hand, but we’ll see. Maybe I’ll even bone a few seams. I’m considering making a baglined test with some home deco fabric first, we’ll see.

As you can see, now that school is a month away, I’ve entered crunch time on my projects. I still need to prepare substantial handsewing projects.

Today I’m thankful that I might have a TA position for a class I’ve wanted to be a TA in for a year, and I may have the chance to do it twice: this winter and again in the spring. Nothing’s official, but I’m still very very very excited. I’m also thankful that I didn’t get a ticket on campus today (the parking meter didn’t print my receipt and I was quite worried (as I often am) that today would be The Day). I’m also thankful that I actually enjoy the skirt I made!! I’m also thankful for Star Trek: Strange New Worlds. It was a lovely first season and I can’t wait for the second (jailbreak episode, anyone?).

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pillow-anime-talk · 4 years ago

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small cake with big surprise.

request: hai hai! its me 🌺 anon! I really love your work very much <3 can i request something? since murasakibara’s bday was 1-2 days ago, how about his gf surprising him with an all you can eat coupon and they eat alot and gf just brings out a cake when he was out to get some more food? and found a ring on top of the cake! it’s basically proposing through food 😭 anyways have a nice day!

# tags: scenario; current relationship; aged up; romance; big fluff; cute shit; sfw

includes: female reader ft. atsushi murasakibara {knb}

author’s note: CUTE CUTE CUTE, thank you!!

“... Thank you, Y/N-chin. Literally the best birthday in my whole life.” For the fifth time in the last twenty minutes, you have heard this sentence, which making you smile warmly and nod towards the tall man.

“Atsushi, my baby, you don’t have to thank me.” You spoke honestly, then put some rice with a delicious curry sauce in your mouth. “You deserve it. Anyway, you have your twenty-fifth birthday only once, so...” You added with a slight chuckle on your tongue, and he smiled lazily as he took another piece of sushi. After a moment he closed his eyes, savoring the taste of the food, and you looked down a little, making sure that the tiny bag with cake inside was still lying beside your feet. Luckily, it was there and your heart was flooded with nice warmth.

The next minutes passed quietly as the two of you talked about the days ahead; about college, about work, and of course about Murasakibara’s team who still be interested in basketball and continued to be a great center of the squad.

At one point, you got so busy with the conversation that you didn’t notice that practically all the food was gone from the table. There were no longer any warm takoyaki, cold soba noodles, curry, rice or tempura. You also ran out of iced tea, so your lovely boyfriend said he would bring you something good, as the coupon you gave him for his birthday was still working. You nodded at him, then took a deep breath as soon as the man left your table.

Judging all the ‘pluses’ and ‘minuses’ you took out a pretty, tiny and tasty-looking cake from the white, paper bag. You took the clear wrapping off it, which kept everything safe from traveling, and then placed the cake on the spot where Atsushi’s plate had been. As you were in the restaurant, you didn’t light the cake candles, but instead took out a red box from your pants pocket, which perfectly matched the strawberries and raspberries on the cream. Of course, you flipped it open so that the engagement ring inside will immediately caught your beloved boyfriend’s eyes, and then waited another long minute for the purple-haired to return to his place with a plate full of food and with two glasses of juice for you.

“... Oh, did you buy a cake, Y/N-chin? Mmm, it looks so delicious.”

“I made it myself.” You smiled softly and your boyfriend widened his eyes. He was definitely and genuinely delighted.

At first, Murasakibara didn’t notice the shiny ring, probably thinking that it was a piece of cake or a small candy, but the more he looked at the cake, the more he noticed the fact that the box with the ring was not made of chocolate, but of leather, gold and the precious gemstone that was the same color as your eyes.

“Y/N-chin...?”

“You know ‘Sushi that I love you so much, right? We’ve been together for eight years and maybe... A-Ahhh, I don’t remember what I wanted to say, I’m so sorry. I just, umm... Would you like to spend the next years with me, but not as my boyfriend, but as my fiancé and husband?” You asked shyly, and your cheeks seemed as red as the fruit on top of the cake.

For a moment neither of you spoke, and it took a few minutes for your boyfriend to lower his head and you clenched your fists.

“A-Atsushi? Baby?”

“Y/N-chin...” He whispered, lifting his head, and only then you noticed the tears in his eyes, and the blushes on his ears and nose. “I love you. Of course I will spend the rest of my life with my Y/N-chin... Come here to me, please.”

With a huge smile, you got up from your seat and sat on Atsushi’s lap, kissing him on the forehead, cheeks and lips. Finally, you reached for the ring, which was still on top of the cake, and put it on the hand of your fiancé. Fortunately, the size fit his hand perfectly.

“Now I can really say it’s the best birthday of my life.” He said happily, pressing his face against your warm neck. “Thank you, Y/N-chin.”

“Thank you too, ‘Sushi. Happy birthday once again.”

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folkinsomnia · 4 years ago

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will be ruminating on very decidedly unhealthy ideas about body image, weight loss, disordered eating, etc. below the read more.

whenever I start choking on shame for whatever reason, or whenever I get overwhelmed with everything around me, I return to the now-defunct thinspo and fitspo blogs I used to frequent almost obsessively from ~2010-2015 or so, and fitspo was just thinspo with extra disclaimers about why it wasn’t bad like thinspo.

in that period, I would comb through endless infographics about caloric contents, and fitness challenges, and before-and-after shots to show that you can do it too, you sad lonely fat girl, and gif sets of strong beautiful adult athletes and personal trainers doing so-called beginners’ workouts that I was never able to accomplish. I voraciously consumed the gospel of simple rules like fats bad, white rice bad brown rice good, bread pasta carbs bad, roasted broccoli baked chicken breast with a little salt and pepper on a bed of brown rice as the ultimate healthy meal, chew gum or work out to curb cravings (which was coincidentally a popular piece of advice on “pro-ana” blogs and websites I would sometimes come across, though I want to emphasize that I never had a full-blown, serious eating disorder - just disordered eating problems, which aren’t to be minimized by any means), couch to 5k couch to 5k couch to 5k, drink chocolate milk after runs to help your muscles recover but also lay off the dairy fatass, if you want chips eat carrots with hummus but only a small amount of hummus because it’s 70 to 90 calories per two tablespoon serving and if you want candy or chocolate or desserts then eat fruit dried fruit fresh fruit fruit and PLAIN GREEK yogurt with a little honey if you REALLY need additional sweetness, bananas as the core of every healthy diet and recipe, replace sour cream and heavy whipping cream with plain greek yogurt replace ranch and other dipping sauces with lightly seasoned plain greek yogurt thinned out with water or low fat milk, three ingredient protein pancake three ingredient protein pancake three ingredient protein pancake!!! (it’s just scrambled banana eggs with cinnamon and it’s disgusting), banana nice cream if you want a treat :-), 70 ish calories in an egg 100 ish calories in that one brand and size of tortillas you like but why are you eating tortillas when you could be be doing lettuce wraps instead coffee as basically calorie-free and then if you’re light with the NONDAIRY LOWFAT or else CREAMER then it’s almost guilt free!!

and on and on and on forever and ever.

that shit, which I intentionally and willingly sought out and consumed, damaged me so badly for years before a therapist I saw briefly in college pointed out that actually, I did have eating problems and actually, I should see a campus nutritionist because it was not normal to not eat for a day and a half and then eat as much as possible in one sitting so that it caused immense amounts of pain and emotional distress and the pain of eating too much and the pain of not eating at all being used as forms of self harm is supremely concerning actually and actually being ashamed to order food and too anxious to order food and too uncomfortable to purchase food on a daily basis when you’re a college student using a meal plan that necessitates those things is a huge worry and really, you deserve better and your body and mind need better to keep running and no you don’t have a full blown eating disorder and no you’re not in need of hospitalization and yes it’s good that no matter how many times you’ve tried you can’t make your body purge after you binge it’s concerning that you try but you aren’t a failure for being unable to purge.

I can barely understand what I was trying to write at first lmao but basically I still look at my old sources of obsession, blogs that haven’t updated since 2013 or so, blogs with ultra damaging and unhealthy rhetoric and because these other teens were victims of the neverending machine of diet diet lose weight diet that I was and still am. I saved probably over a hundred graphics from one of these blogs when I got my first laptop in 2013 and they’re still on my computer now, four laptops and eight years later, all saved in a word document titled “this is why” that I still refuse to delete and that I look at a couple times a year because I get so sick of myself, my weight gain, even when I was 145 pounds and objectively thin for my body type for the first time in my life and gained back five pounds going into college, and end up trying to trigger a period of this awful unhealthiness where I fixate obsess ruminate on and on over numbers exercise to the point of hurting myself (whether I get to that point or not) unsatisfying so-called healthy meal substitutions and truly try and brute-force myself into the same awful mindsets and behaviors that used to rule over me years ago. it’s like unhealthy and damaging and self injurious behavior is the only way I know.

#cw body image #cw disordered eating #cw eating disorders #idk i'm just guessing on these tags. i never had an ED but they're mentioned #and honestly this shit - which should admittedly be a private journal entry lmao - is just trigger city #i'm doing pretty all right actually because I chose to write this out after about ten minutes on one of those old blogs #seeing all the shit I soaked in back in the day and still choose to hold on to #and basically remind myself that all of that is miserable and HARD and isolating #so now i'm gonna go to the fucking grocery store and use my stupid coupons and get shitty drive thru coffee on the way home #and probably a pastry from the co op because i did a difficult yoga practice last night and i'm hoping to run tonight and i deserve #whatever foods are healthy in moderation and okay for me because i'm alive and have a body and don't need to punish #myself to live in this body no matter how fat and big it may be and i am allowed to exist like this without caveats #and sure i'll spiral because i'm pendulum swinging from spending an hour to write about disordered eating and steeping in those seemingly #inescapable thoughts and feels straight over to 'i can exist in my fat body i am allowed to do that and i can eat foods that aren't healthy'#but i'll weather it however i can

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yoonia · 5 years ago

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About Time // Part 15

Character: Jungkook x reader / Jimin x reader (feat. BTS)

↳ Type/Genre/words: Angst, Fluff, Alternate Universe (Time Travel!au/Time Leap!au, Soulmate!au), PG rated / 7,300 words

↳ Prompts: “What if you find your soulmate… at the wrong time?” - Lauren Kate, Passion

↳ Summary: Be careful for what you wish for, because you may never know how to deal with them once it comes true. What would you do when your wish for a second chance actually came true? But was it really a fulfilled wish? Too many questions lie when it actually happened. Were they real memories? Or perhaps a part of a past life? Was it only a dream all along? Will everything be different this time?

↳ Warnings: Mentions of cancer, (probably) inaccurate medical and law terms

↳ ⤎ Previous Chapter | Series Index: About Time | Next Chapter ⇢

—First life. St. Vincent’s Hospital, year 2027—

I shouldn’t have taken it lightly when they warned me about it.

The scans, the blood tests, the physical examination, most of them I could handle. Until it came the time for them to lay me down and put a massive needle right through my spine to take a piece of a membrane from the growing monster inside me.

“Baby, it’s okay,” Jimin held my trembling hands with one of his while he uses the other to brush my dampened hair away from my face, where my sweat and tears came together as I tried to hold back the pain. “Look at me, baby. Just a little while longer. Take a deep breath and keep your eyes on me.”

I kept my eyes on Jimin as I felt as if they were sucking the life out of me. And I was relieved that he was there, for his eyes were hypnotising me enough to make me feel as if the pain was somewhere far away.

It was quite unusual for the hospital to allow someone other than an immediate family or a member of the doctor’s team to be there while they were doing these tests. But I was so frightened about the test that I had a major panic attack about it and I was also feeling terribly exhausted after going through a bunch of tests running the whole day that I was practically crying and begging for them to let me take a break. That was when Jimin came into the room and offered to help.

“Let me be there so she won’t freak out. I won’t interrupt, I promise,” he said then, basically pleading for them to let him in, before Dr. Kim finally gave in and gave him permission to enter the room.

An excruciating pain struck me so badly as I felt them pulling the needle out that I cried out and Jimin pressed his lips on my forehead, completely ignoring the fact that I was sweating buckets when he did. “You did good, love. It’s over now,” he whispered to me.

I looked up to him through my tears and tried to speak, though I could barely get my voice out while I kept sobbing as the pain was still too much for me to handle. “It hurts,” I cried with a whisper.

Jimin nodded his head knowingly. He was smiling at me as a way to encourage me, but his gaze was filled with sadness and pain, as if seeing me hurt had caused him just the same amount of pain. “You are brave, baby. You got through it good,” he said while kissing my tears away. “Just close your eyes and focus on my voice while the nurse is finishing up. I’m not going anywhere.”

He gave me a chaste kiss on my lips and my sobs slowly came to halt. The pain still lingered even once the doctor and his team had finished his job. I could hear his voice complementing me while letting me know that it was over and I could feel it when he cleaned my wound and patched me up before he left. But all I ever wanted to focus on was Jimin’s voice as he kept whispering sweet things to me and on the way he was holding my hands tight to let me know that I was not alone.

His presence was my cure and it was then when I finally realised that he had become the rock that kept me together. When I felt his lips on mine as I closed my eyes, I knew then that I could face and conquer anything as long as I had him with me, for it was the love I felt and the compassion I saw in his eyes that became the only things keeping me alive.

Jimin joined me in my bed that night.

We were lying on our sides and facing each other, talking about all the pointless things in life to get my mind away from the throbbing pain on my back, when he reached out, brushing his fingers gently across my cheek.

“You are so beautiful,” he suddenly whispered. I was caught off guard that I fell silent for a moment, before I started laughing. I could not believe that he would randomly say such a sweet thing right in the middle of mint chocolate versus cookie dough ice cream flavour discourse we were having.

“That was so random,” I whispered back. The goofy smile on my face refused to stay clear that I had to hide it by pressing my face down on my pillows.

“It just came to my mind,” he said, chuckling while he tilted my chin up so I could look at him again. He grazed his thumb gently across my lips before replacing it with a kiss. “I want to fall asleep watching your face and listening to your voice, then wake up to see this face and this smile again the next morning.”

“Are you trying to tell me that you’re getting sleepy?” I teased him, while he only smiled at me.

“Aren’t you the one who is supposed to be asleep?” he asked me. “I can tell that you’re forcing yourself to keep your eyes open. You must be tired after the long day you’ve had.”

I took his hand and started kissing his knuckles. “I am really tired. But I’m too scared to sleep.”

Jimin furrowed his brows as he looked at me. “Why?”

Shrugging, I could only tell him the truth. Or at least, half of it. “I feel calm when I’m with you. I don’t want to wake up to find you gone.”

As I looked into his eyes, all of the things I was so afraid of, all of my fears came to mind.

The truth was, I was too afraid to sleep because I had feared that I would not wake up the next morning. Or that I would wake up, only to find out that everything around me had disappeared.

Would it be wrong of me to feel as if all of this might fade away? I kept feeling as if he would disappear from my sight anytime I looked away and I refused to have that. It had been so long for me to feel like this. To feel something so intense that I just wanted to grab him tight and not let go before he could fade away.

Jimin reached out, cupping my cheek with his palm to bring me back to him and not lose myself in my thoughts. His lips tilted up to a small smile when he promised me, “I’ll be here when you wake up. I’ll never leave you, ______. Not unless you want me to.”

“Promise?”

His smile didn’t change, but his gaze did. There was something in his eyes that told me how scared he was to make that promise. Instead of giving me an answer, he leaned closer and kissed my lips gently, giving me his silent answer that I could hold on to instead of his words.

“Go to sleep and get some rest. I’ll hold you and wake you up when morning comes.”

That night, as I fell asleep in his arms, I had a long, dreamless sleep for the first time in my life. And it felt wonderful.

“Is it going to be like this every time this happens?”

It was the day after and Jimin had once again found his spot at the edge of my bed while we had our lunch. He kept his promise to be there when I woke up this morning, his misty eyes greeted me warmly when I opened mine. Then he insisted to give me his morning kisses no matter how hard I tried to fight him against it.

The only time he left was early in the day when I had to be cleaned up and checked by the nurses and he had to return to his bedroom for his own morning routines. The nurse who helped me bathe had joked about us sharing a room together in the future to make it easier for us but I brushed it off by saying that I needed my privacy.

That was until I started missing him so badly when morning past to noon and I nearly leapt out of my bed and into his arms when he walked into my room to keep me company at lunch.

I had sworn that I felt extremely famished before my meal arrived. But now, I was suddenly having trouble to eat or to swallow anything more than two spoonfuls of my meal. I was still exhausted and drowsy from the excessive hours of treatment I got yesterday and from the medications I got this morning that all I wanted to do was to lie down and close my eyes, instead of pushing down anything past my bitter tongue that could barely taste anything at all.

Jimin reached out and placed his hand on my knee just as I dropped my spoon. He patiently smiled at me when he answered me, “It comes and goes. Sometimes you’ll be able to eat everything that they give to you, but there will be times when your body refuses all the food and drinks no matter how much you used to enjoy them.”

I remembered when I first started the treatment and my medications would make me so nauseated that my body would refuse to take in anything at all. When I first questioned the nurses about it, the only warning I got was how things would grow more intense as I continued the treatment. It was expected that my body would react this way, yet it certainly did not feel good when it was finally happening.

My eyes fell on Jimin’s plate and noticed that he was also having trouble to take in more food. But he was pushing through it. Nibbling small portions of food each time he ate until the last bit of his meal.

“How do you get through it?” I asked him, wondering how he managed to do it when he had been taking these treatments and had been here to endure everything much longer than I had.

“I have found my own tricks to be able to eat,” he said, passing me a small cup of his pudding when he knew I wouldn’t be able to finish up the rest of my meal. “Soft textured food, like pudding and cakes, or anything sweet can trigger my taste bud and bring my appetite back when everything else tastes too bitter. Fruits and milkshakes help a lot too. And it’s always a good idea to have some light snacks in between to keep your stomach filled even when you can’t swallow your meal.”

As I took a few small spoons of the sweet pudding he gave me, I found that he was right. I had no problem in taking it in, even if I could only take a few small bites of them at a time. I took a mental note to make a grocery list for Hoseok to get for me once he would return to accompany me at the hospital.

Jimin must have noticed something on my face that had him grown wary, because he suddenly reached out just as I froze up, completely lost in my own thoughts for a moment that I stopped eating.

“Hey, I have an idea,” he said, brushing his thumb across my knee until he finally grabbed my attention.

His smile lit up while his eyes were glowing with excitement when he suddenly suggested, “Why don’t you finish up, and then we can watch some movies and nap for a while. Then later, if you’re feeling good enough to go out, I can take you somewhere so we can watch the sunset together.”

“Sunset?” I immediately perked up to the idea, yet I could not imagine how he would manage to show it to me while we were both stuck inside this hospital, which was surrounded by other tall buildings not too far from us instead of a beach or an open field. “How?”

“That’s a secret. Try to eat as much as you can and I’ll reward you with a little fun trip before I let you rest.”

Jimin was so secretive about it that I was half expecting him to blindfold me before he moved me into my wheelchair and started wheeling me away from my bedroom.

He seemed to know the way as he guided us both with ease through the hallways of our floor, snatched an empty elevator leading up, then found his way up, all the way to the rooftop.

“You are fucking unbelievable,” I mused at him as he pushed me out the door then led me to one small corner which he called as a ‘viewing port’, not too far from the hospital’s massive helipad and locked my wheelchair where he knew it would be safe for me to take a good look over the horizon. “How on earth did you find your way here?”

Jimin only chuckled. “The older men from our treatment group took me here during the first week I was treated. They did it to entertain me because they noticed I was looking down and lonely. Said one of them was carried to this hospital with a helicopter and he remembered how pretty the sky was when he arrived here. He used to come up here to watch the view whenever he was lonely before he started to bring the others with him,” Jimin explained as he spread a lap blanket over my legs to keep me warm, before spreading a different blanket on the concrete bed right beside me so he could sit down and join me watch the scenery.

“We can still see the sun coming down through the massive windows along the hallways on the top floor, but I really think that this is better,” he said while looking up to me with a sly grin. “An open air might do good for us too. We’ve been cooped up in our rooms for so long I’m starting to forget what if feels like to be outside. How the temperature changes as the sun sets or how the air out here feels like.”

“It’s still the same. The same polluted city air,” I mused after taking a long deep breath, the smile on my face was unstoppable as I breathed in the open air which contained none of those sickly scents from inside the hospital.

I heard Jimin chuckling beside me as he reached my hand, entwining our fingers together while we kept our eyes on the indigo coloured sky. “Yeah, don’t you miss it?”

Tightening my grip on his hand, I smiled at him, meeting his gleeful eyes before I went back to glancing at the sky before us. “I’ve missed it a whole lot.”

Silence fell between us right after, as we watched the sky changing shades with a mix of red and tangerine streaks of lights dancing together, before it grew into a dark, indigo blue coloured sky as the sun continued to descend and darkness slowly took over. Jimin kept his hand on mine as we marvelled on the beautiful sight, a complete contrast to the white walls and ceilings that had been surrounding us for the past week. As we sat there, letting the darkness engulfed us for a moment before all the lights on the rooftop came to life, I felt warmth and peace for the first time in my life. And when my eyes fell into our entwined hands, for the first time after such a long time, I no longer felt so lonely or lost.

The little trip to the rooftop we made to watch the sun descending between the concrete buildings had made me grow tired that I dozed off right after. When I woke up again, it was already nightfall yet the sky seemed to have only turned dark not too long ago before I opened my eyes.

I was instantly engulfed by everything that was a part of Jimin the moment my senses came to wake — the silky soft bedspread that he used on his bed, the wonderful scent of his sweet cologne which took over the room against the scent of antibiotics and anti-bacterial products, and Jimin himself, who was dozing off right beside me, lying on his back while his hand was resting over his chest.

I could not remember how I had managed to fall asleep on his bed or how we managed to end up in his bedroom, but his warmth and soft breaths had put me at ease that I settled back down against him. If there was something I could immediately notice from being in Jimin’s arms, was that I felt like I was at peace and that his presence felt like home.

Moving slightly to get more comfortable by his side, I placed a hand on his chest and had my head resting on his shoulder. I could hear his heartbeat and soft breathing beneath me, lulling me back to sleep.

“You should wake up and go back to your room, love,” he suddenly whispered. I felt his lips on my forehead, brushing gently against my skin when he spoke.

I opened my eyes to meet his sleepy ones and pouted. “Don’t you want me here?”

Jimin chuckled softly and shook his head. “I do want you here, more than anything. But it’s your brother’s turn to keep you company for the night,” he reminded me with a sly grin, before he reminded me of what had happened the other day. “You practically kicked him out of the bedroom the other night even when you knew that he was so worried about you. He would hate me if you choose me over him again tonight.”

Sighing, I rested my head back on his shoulder, wishing that I could just go back to sleep instead. “He’ll probably get angry and sulk for a while, but I’m not sure about hating,” I murmured against his shirt. “But you’re right. I should go back. I’m probably smothering you because I keep bothering you and not give you a proper time to sleep.”

He brushed my hair gently with his cold fingers. “I’ve slept and rested enough, don’t you worry. You help me relax whenever you are close, so I don’t really mind to have you around,” he said, tilting my chin up to let me read all the sincerity in his eyes to know how much he had meant what he said.

The moment I saw his eyes, the urge to keep him close and to hold him tight grew much stronger inside me that I pulled him down to me. Neither of us said anything as our lips met each other, and every word we wanted to say to one another was replaced with a kiss. A very long, deep, and needy kiss to last us the whole night without each other.

It took me quite a long while before I could peel myself off of him. Then, not only did he help me settle down on my wheelchair, he had insisted to wheel me out and take me all the way back to my room.

“You don’t have to escort me all the way back too, Jimin. I could’ve asked the nurse to do this for me,” I protested as we finally came to my bedroom and found him sweating a little thanks to the little journey we had to take.

“I wanted to,” he said to me with a smile. “A little exercise before bed would be good for me. I also want to kiss you goodnight and tuck you to sleep. Don’t you want that?”

Of course, I wanted it.

But I chose to tease him a little by rolling my eyes. “Suit yourself,” I playfully scoffed at him. In return, Jimin scooped me out of the wheelchair and helped me lie down on my bed. Watching him carry me in his arms worried me a little, but his playfulness was still there as he tucked me under the blanket and he was showing not even an ounce of pain or any trouble in carrying my weight.

“Good night, love. I hope your dreams tonight will be beautiful,” he whispered to me while pressing his lips at my temple.

“Thanks to you, I know they will be.”

With my arms wrapped around him, I pulled him down to me so I could kiss his lips. Our kiss lingered, starting gently before it grew deeper when he fell over me. I was so lost in the kiss, lost in his touches, and was feeling as if I was flying high in the sky with how completed I felt and how much he made me feel so secure, as if I was coming home in his arms.

Our lips moulded to one another, our tongue entangled in the cavern of his mouth, and our hands entwined together as he held me close. We became so lost in our love, in the comfort of our warmth as our body were pressed against each other, that the world around us no longer mattered.

We couldn’t care if the earth around us would stop spinning, if the time would stop, and we definitely did not notice the presence of a man standing in the doorway. Neither of us realised that there was a pair of eyes watching us closely, rage radiating off of his gaze as he watched the woman he married years ago kissing and embracing another man right before his eyes.

It happened so fast.

One minute, I was lost in Jimin’s tender kiss. His warmth was the only thing I could feel and I was close to falling asleep in the comfort of his embrace. Then suddenly, he was yanked away from me. It was so rough and abrupt that I was pulled along with him. Even the air inside my chest was pulled away until everything around me started spinning.

It took me a few seconds to realise what was happening, before I finally recognised the voice yelling out with pure anger and noticed him.

“Who the fuck are you? What are you doing to my wife?”

I was frozen stiff, still in shock and in fear of what I was seeing. Jungkook’s face held so much rage which I had never once seen before as he came face to face with Jimin, glaring with hatred and pain in his eyes. He had his hand clutched at the front of Jimin’s shirt, pulling my best friend and lover’s body up to his chest as he kept yelling to his face.

Once I recovered from my shock, I looked down on his other hand and found it clenching at his side, as if he was trying so hard to hold back from pounding at Jimin’s face.

“Jungkook, don’t!” I screamed at him. My heartbeat was racing, and I tried to push myself off of the bed to stop him from hurting Jimin. But there was nothing I could do when my body failed me. All I could do was move an inch before my body fell sideways, too weak to rush to his side and tear them apart. “Jungkook, please—you’ll hurt him!”

Jungkook seemed surprised when he heard my voice. Either his rage had him nearly forgetting that I was there, or that he had never expected to have me defending someone else but him, he just fell silent. The rage in his eyes instantly turned into an icy glare to whatever he was seeing on my face when he looked at me.

Yet what caught us both by surprise was Jimin, when his eyes showed no fear even as he met Jungkook’s gaze, nor was he trembling as Jungkook held him in arm’s reach, with his fist ready to blow a punch to his face.

“So you’re the ex-husband?” Jimin asked him, chuckling softly while his eyes held a weird, gloomy mood as he gave a look of perusal at Jungkook. “Didn’t think you would be back so soon. Or so late.”

There was a glint of shock and insecurities in Jungkook’s eyes for a moment to what Jimin had said to him, and I could easily tell what his word implied. As if Jimin was having a blast at taunting my ex-husband, he only continued by saying, “Visiting hours are over. You shouldn’t be here, you know. Don’t want the security to catch you and kick you out of the hospital now, do we? Because unlike me, you are not allowed to be here and you are definitely not wanted.”

Jungkook’s hands tightened even further as the fire in his eyes rose to the surface and I instantly screamed, “Jungkook, please!”

But it was too late. Especially when the only thing Jungkook could hear was Jimin’s voice when he taunted my ex-husband once again with, “Why don’t you go run along and go back to where you came from so I can tuck her to sleep? That’s what I’ve been doing anyway, tucking her to bed while you’re out there fucking up your marriage.”

Nothing could stop what happened right after, when Jungkook finally threw a punch right at Jimin’s face before shoving him against the wall where Jungkook kept a chokehold around Jimin’s neck with his strong arm.

The only thing I could do was watch the scene unraveling through my tears and screamed for him to stop while crying for help. Thankfully, that was when help came, right before Jungkook could do any further damage. Hoseok came bursting through the door along with a couple of nurses following right behind, all with clear shock on their faces.

“What is going on?”

��Oh my God—call the security!”

“Sir, you need to stop!”

“Jungkook, what the fuck? Let him go!”

I heard my brother’s voice coming at last and I felt relieved for having him here. He saw the distress on my face and rushed to Jungkook while the nurses kept yelling at Jungkook and another rushed out to call the security.

As if he just snapped out of it, Jungkook finally released Jimin and his eyebrows furrowed deep when his eyes found me, shaking with fear on the edge of my bed while tears came running down my face. But I never bothered to look at him. I kept my eyes on Jimin as he toppled over, wrapping his palm around his neck and had one of his arms around his abdomen while he was coughing out blood.

“Jimin, no—” I cried for him, reaching out to grab him and hating myself for not being able to reach him or touch him. I felt completely powerless when I could not move and even more so when I could see that Jimin was in pain and I could do nothing about it when I was the reason why he was hurting.

“______,” Jungkook called my name before I felt his hands on me, trying to help me up while he was begging for me to look at him and look away from Jimin who was now on the floor. I could not see where Jimin was hurting or how much in pain he was by being too far, and I grew even more restless on every second of not knowing if he was okay.

“No!” I pushed Jungkook away as he grabbed my upper arms and pulled me to him. I finally turned to him. But the only thing I did was to scream at his face, “What have you done? You hurt him!”

Jungkook fell back a step and let me go when Hoseok pulled him away. With Jungkook out of the way, one of the nurses came rushing to Jimin, helping him up while the other went to help me to sit straight up on the bed. As I was settling down on my pillows, Jimin refused the nurse’s help and rushed to my side. I was a complete sobbing mess at this point, and it became worse when I finally saw the damage — his bruising cheek that may turn blue or black in the morning, the small cut at the corner of his lips, the drying blood on the back of his hand which he had gotten when he wiped his lips and the bloodstain which he had coughed up on his shirt.

“No, no, no—Jimin,” I cried and cried as I clutched my hands on his shirt. I felt powerless and angry at myself for letting him get hurt.

“Hey—” Jimin whispered to me as he cupped my face with his trembling hands. His eyes were misty and I could sense how badly he was trying to mask his pain when he forced a smile, hiding them away from me when he gently whispered, “Sshh, baby—I’m okay, love. Look at me, I’m fine.” He caught my chin, forcing me to look up before he leaned to me, completely disregarding the other people around us as he kissed my tears away.

I sensed people moving and heard some shuffling as I closed my eyes, enjoying the way Jimin was calming me down before I reached and wrapped my arms around him, holding him close to me. The nurses started to leave, stopping briefly at Hoseok’s side to whisper something to him. I didn’t bother to look. All I could hear was his calm voice reassuring them, “I got this,” before the nurses walked out the door.

Another movement was made, and I could tell that it was possibly Jungkook trying to reach for me without even looking. But Hoseok must have stopped him when I heard him speak, “You need to leave. They’re calling security.”

“I just—” Jungkook’s voice came out deflated, as if his rage and all of his spirit were gone. “I just wanted to see her.”

“I know,” Hoseok told him. “But you’re only giving her stress and she needs to rest. Come back tomorrow. Just—leave before she decides she doesn’t want to see you.”

Nobody made another move for a brief moment, until I heard him call my name.

“_______?” Jungkook called me, sounding unsure about it before stopping himself when I tightened my arms around Jimin, shaking my head against his chest as I refused to look at my ex-husband or my brother. I could feel Jimin moving in my arms, turning us around a little to hide me away from Jungkook’s eyes.

I could vaguely guess that he might have looked over to Jungkook, challenging him somehow, because the next thing I heard was Jungkook’s voice, turning ice-cold and determined when he spoke, “Alright, I’ll come back tomorrow.”

Hard footsteps were heard leaving the room which I recognised as Jungkook’s, but I still kept my eyes closed, still kept my face buried in Jimin’s chest where I could hear his heartbeat slowly settling down to a steady pace. For some reason, I could feel my world and my hope crumbling to pieces, and Jimin was the last thread that was holding everything together, even if I could already feel it coming close to snapping apart.

After years of having him breaking his promises, Jungkook did return the next day as promised, right when the morning visitation hours had just started.

Hoseok had stayed for the night and he had just finished cleaning up what was remained of my breakfast. It was still early for Jimin to be here. And though I resented the fact that he would need the extra hours of resting in his room this morning that I would not be able to see him until the end of today, especially after what had happened last night, I was relieved that he was not present when Jungkook arrived. Even Jungkook had taken a brief moment to look around when he came into the room, as if he was searching for him, and was visibly relieved to see that Hoseok was the only person there.

“Can we talk?” Jungkook asked me, looking nervous when he spoke. The bags under his eyes were dark and deep, and it made me wonder if he also had trouble resting last night after the chaos he had created. I dreaded the thought of smelling any scent of liquor if he had gotten too close, since I knew he would always reserve to drinking whenever he got restless.

“Then talk,” was all I said to him, keeping my back resting against the pillows and my hands crossed on my lap.

Jungkook looked over between me and Hoseok who was now sitting next to the bed. “I was hoping that we can talk alone,” Jungkook added, yet he kept his eyes on Hoseok, as if he intended to say those words to my brother so he could leave.

“I don’t think—” Hoseok started to refuse, but I stopped him from finishing his sentence.

“That’s alright,” I told my brother, to which he turned to me with a concerned look on his face.

“Are you sure?”

I nodded. “I should listen to what he has to say. Besides, you have to return those to the nurses, don’t you?” I pointed at the tray and the half-empty plates he had set down on the bedside table and smiled to him. “And you haven’t had your breakfast and coffee yet. You should take a break for a few minutes. It’ll be fine.”

I could tell that my brother was not completely sure about leaving me alone with Jungkook, but I reached out to grab his hand and squeezed.

“Fine,” he finally said, sighing in defeat before his eyes glared at my ex-husband. “Don’t stress her out,” he said to Jungkook, then turned to me. “Call if you need anything. I’m leaving your cellphone beside the bed.”

Neither of us spoke a word after Hoseok left me and Jungkook alone in the room.

Jungkook had taken the empty chair Hoseok left behind and sat down on it. He had come in bearing gifts — a bouquet of flowers which was now resting on the bedside table, a small polar bear plushie which was now resting on my lap, and a small basket of fruits.

“This is—really nice of you,” I finally spoke once the silence and the tension around us became unbearable. My fingers were nervously pulling the soft fur on the polar bear’s tummy just so I could stop myself from feeling so tense around him. “Thank you. For the gifts, I mean.”

Jungkook nodded but kept his eyes on the bear. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry—” he started to speak, clearing his throat a little when his voice came out shaky, “—about last night. I, uh—perhaps I overreacted. I only came to see you, but then I saw you with—”

He stopped and clenched his jaw. I could not say a word and chose to wait until he continued to speak. I did promise to listen, after all. But then he only exhaled a deep breath and pointed at the bear in my hands. “I heard it can be lonely at night here. I know Hoseok stays the night with you but I figured the bear would be nice for you to keep, just in case you need something to hold on to.”

I chose not to correct him and tell him that either Yoongi or Jimin would take my brother’s place once in a while to keep me from feeling lonely, but I kept my mouth shut and gave him a smile instead. His words had also snapped something inside me that brought me back to the past, to remind me how often he would do this to me when we were still together, how he would come to me with small gifts just to surprise me and make me smile whenever he would notice me having a bad day.

That time in the past now seemed so long ago. For he had ruined those small, beautiful moments with all the painful ones. I looked down, shaking my head just to clear my mind out of it.

“Thank you. He’s really cute,” I told him while waving the polar bear’s hand at him. That had brought Jungkook’s lips to curl up into a smile and I could feel the tension between us slowly breaking down.

“I’m glad you like him,” he said, sighing in relief and smiling to me before asking, “How are you doing?”

Shrugging, I looked down on my lap as I answered, “I’m fine, but that’s only because you caught me on one of my good days. I got my bad days just as much as my good ones, so consider yourself lucky.”

Jungkook furrowed his brows. “What—what are your bad days like?”

Licking my dry lips, I began to answer cautiously, “Waking up with nauseous, drowsiness, or oftentimes, fever. Sometimes my skin will feel sensitive to any kind of touches while my tongue can barely taste anything and my throat will be in too much pain for me to swallow any food or water. Pain happening everywhere that I won’t even know where they begin and where they end. I’d sleep more than I am awake, then I’d wake up with my pillow filled with hair—” I stopped then and reached the top of my head, suddenly feeling self-conscious about myself and the fact that my hair had been thinning drastically after my last treatment.

Jungkook had placed his hands on the edge of my bed and he clenched them tightly. In fact, every single inch of his body was tense. His jaw ticked as his eyes followed the movement of my hand as I ran it up and down my thin hair. “Was that the reason why you cut your hair short?”

My hand stopped and I clutched the polar bear plushie on my lap with my hands. “I already started chemotherapy when I came by the house last time.” I closed my eyes as the memory from that day came back to me — the last time I lied on our bed with him, side by side, before he finally let me walk out the door. The reason why he came back and started acting this way was completely lost to me, when he had vowed to let me go and allow me to move on.

When I opened my eyes again, Jungkook still had his eyes closed shut. “What was it yesterday?”

I looked up to him and tried to read his expression just as he opened my eyes to me. But he showed me nothing as he waited for my answer.

“A little bit of both, I guess?” I finally answered him. “I just had a few test runs and 12-hours chemo the day before which gave me terrible exhaustion and pain. I was grateful I escaped the fever coming to me the next morning, but the pain was so surreal that I had to rest for the entire day. You came just as I had returned from a little tour Jimin gave me to get my mind out of the pain,” I explained to him, leaving out the fact that his first visit to my room was the first thing which had led me into that long, painful day.

A sudden change of mood trickled in the air and his expression hardened. His eyes turned ice cold all of a sudden, which threw me completely off guard. But before I could even question it, I quickly realised that I had mentioned his name.

“Jimin, hmm?” Jungkook questioned me with his hands clutched tighter. I could feel his rage coming while my anxiety rose up high. “Is he your new boyfriend? Was he the reason why you asked for a divorce? So you can be free to make out with him while you’re here in the hospital?”

How dare he, I cursed silently. I could not believe that he would think so low of me, or to accuse Jimin of anything so low. He knew exactly the reason why I wanted a divorce. I should have known that he would always turn the table and put the blame on me.

“You know the reason why I asked for the divorce, Jungkook. You knew and you agreed,” I said to him. I was seething with anger but I held myself back the best I could. I would not let him ruin my good day. Not again. “You can’t come here, asking for a chance to see me only to talk to me this way. What I do or don’t do while I’m in this hospital really is none of your business, Jungkook. Not anymore!”

“It is my business. It still is!” He suddenly burst into anger and pushed himself off the chair. He leaned over me to intimidate me with his dark gaze. He opened his mouth to speak but quickly snapped out of it. As if he just remembered Hoseok’s warning earlier, his eyes snapped wide open and he pulled back.

Yet the anger in his eyes remained.

With his hands clenched on his side, Jungkook stood by the window and spoke to me with a low voice, “I made my mistakes and I admit every single one of them. I will spend the rest of my life making things right for you, to tell you—no, to show you that I am sorry, that I truly, deeply regretted everything I have done to hurt you and all the things I did to ruin us. But my biggest mistake was to let you walk away, to let you leave. I am not going to make that mistake again, ______. I am not going to just sit down and do nothing as you fall into another man’s arms.”

As Jungkook kept talking, the intensity in his voice grew just as fast as his anger was rising. His whole body was shaking as he held back from reaching out to me, while his chest kept heaving, as he kept breathing quick and shallow to hold back that rage and jealousy he had even if I could see everything through his eyes.

He kept his eyes on me, locking me in place with his penetrating gaze when he continued without giving me a chance to speak, “I will spend the rest of my life begging for your forgiveness, for breaking your heart and for violating our marriage. But I really think you should know by now that if you carry on whatever it is you have with him, then you’ll be no different than me.”

I had been completely speechless and in shock to his rants, but his final statement was the one that surprised me the most. My heartbeat kept pacing rapidly inside my chest as my anxiety refused to settle, as if everything in me was letting me know that I would not be happy to hear whatever he was trying to say to me.

“What—” I tried to speak, but stopped myself when my voice got caught in my throat. My whole body was shaking, wariness came building inside my chest, but I clenched my fists around the plushie doll he gave me and forced myself to speak, “What on earth are you talking about?”

Jungkook straightened his back and looked straight into my eyes with full determination on his face. And then my suspicion was confirmed the moment he spoke, the moment he ripped apart every hope I ever had of having my last chance of happiness by saying,

“I never signed the papers. Do you know what that means? It means you are still my wife. You are still legally mine.”

Disclaimer: All works are written by myself. Any copyright infringement, reposting on any other social media or website, and any act of plagiarism will be dealt with legal action

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estrxlar · 3 years ago

Text

The Ghost Of You

02 - Growth

Chapters songs:

Peach Fuzz: Tyler The Creator

Nice Boys: TEMPOREX

Money: The Drums

— Y. L. Perspective

I walk into the lunchroom empty-handed and nervous. Like the idiotic person I am, I had forgotten my bento on the bus and surely couldn't depend on any of the students to possibly find it and give it back to me.

And so, I begin searching for my fellow third-year friends. It was hard due to the countless students looking for their friends to discuss a simple ten-day break, which I didn't get why it was such a big deal. But it wasn't like I could relate in any way, I had three measly friends who spent every hour of the day with me.

Suddenly, an underclassman boy decided to run across my path hastily, causing me to trip over his shoes, and fall onto the ground.

"What're you doing on the floor, Y/n?" A strong hand reaches to my face, waiting for approval to lift me. His blonde hair shuffles between his free hand.

"Thanks, Toruku," I say, pleased I found 1/3.

He pulled me up and assembled a smile onto his pale face. "No problem. Mind helping me find Giki and Hikishi?" He asks as I dust off my fingers. "The bell is bound to ring soon, so we'll be able to get lunch then. But not if we don't find them."

"Yeah, that's what I've been doing for the past five minutes," I say, with a slightly worried tone. I wasn't trying to spend my entire lunch looking for a place for us to sit. "How about we split up? I'll find us a table, and you find them?"

"No need. We're already here!" Says my black-haired friend, Giki, who stood next to Hikishi.

"Finally, now can we go eat? I wanna catch the lunch line before it gets full." Before another voice calls for me. I sharply turn around, ready for the confrontation.

"Yes?— oh!" My eyes widen at Suga, who plastered a worried expression onto his face.

"Sorry to interrupt you, it's just, you left your lunch on the bus. I came to return it to you." He explains, holding his hand out for me to take the item. It looked just as before; a little scraped and worn out, but still the same.

"..really? Wow, thank you." I take it back, looking back up at him. "It means a lot. I was about to die of hunger. Plus, I've had that since middle school."

"Y-Yeah! Of course. I couldn't just leave it there." Sugawara brushes his hands together, still mumbling something to me. But my eyes were focused on the box, feeling the warmth of his hands that still lingered. "But it's no problem!"

Then, I had remembered the entire reason I rushed out of the bus. Bearing another moment around him after sleeping on him would have killed me. "Listen, about this morning. I'm really sorry, I was really tired this morning. I never meant to invade your space or anything—"

"Oh, about that!" He suddenly interrupted, eager to go into the conversation. "There's no need to apologize for it. I'm actually kind of used to it, since I go on a lot of road trips with the volleyball team, we get pretty tired after games. Not that it relates or anything! But you seemed pretty embarrassed. I wish we could have talked more."

"I'm sorry, I really am. I was just in a rush, it's not something you should stress about." I explain to Sugawara, as he shifts from one foot to the other.

"Of course, if you'd like to talk more then... I guess we could. It has been quite a while, I'm still a bit curious to learn more about you." He replies, looking down in a bashful way. It surprised me such a social, popular, and beautiful guy like Sugawara would want to talk to me out of all people.

"...I don't mind. Although, it confuses me why you'd want to." I laugh, placing my hands into the pockets of my uniform.

"Why wouldn't I? We used to be good friends!" He smiles at me brightly, as he continues. "Besides that, I'm interested in what you do. Music, I mean—"

"Ahem!" Toruku interrupts with the clearing of his throat, leaning over my shoulders while side eying me. "If you don't mind, could we go eat now? We've all had a long day."

"Oh!" Suga is brought out of his concentration on our conversation. "Sorry! How inconsiderate of me to keep your friend stuck talking to me!"

My hand gently pushes away his face, and my eyes look back at Suga's. "If my buddies don't mind, we can teach you all about that." I turn to the three students that stood behind me wide-eyed. "It's okay, right?"

They straightforwardly shrug, meanwhile, Toruku looks grim. "Yeah, it's fine."

"A-Are you sure? I feel like I'd be intruding on something!" Sugawara says, worried my friends wouldn't be very accepting of him. But truth was, we saw each other more than we saw our parents, so thirty minutes with an additional person wouldn't be too much of a problem.

"It's alright," Giki says, meanwhile we walk towards an empty table near the stage. Sugawara's feet stutter, contemplating whether or not to go along with a couple of social rejects.

"If you don't want to, that's fine too. Just don't hold us up." I grin, looking over my shoulder at his confused look. "Hurry, Sugawara!"

"Oh, alright then," he mumbles, following the rest of us.

After stealing ourselves, I let out a big yawn, opening what sat in my bento: white rice, pickled vegetables, and soba that I had microwaved this morning. "You're not having anything, Suga?" I question him, while the rest of my friends open their bentos as well.

"Oh, no thanks. I usually eat after school." He returned. But as if he were in mute, I start shuffling around my book bag to find something I might have. Finally, I find a simple orange: not too old and not too new.

"Here, eat this." I toss it to him, and he quickly catches it. "I keep extra good in case I get hungry. Plus, don't you do volleyball? You've gotta way to be strong!" I say in a raspy voice, mimicking a coach or older adult.

He giggles, and thanks me for the small gesture. Even if I'd just started talking to him again, it felt as if I was comfortable around him already, just like before.

"You do volleyball?" Toruku questions him, placing his feet onto the table. He laid back with his arms behind his head, and the collar of his uniform unbuttoned. He was trying to prove something to him.

"Sensei Tamaki is gonna yell at you again.." I sing, placing a lump of rice into my mouth. The rest of them agree, and Suga just giggles while peeling his orange.

Suga nods at him, giving him a light smile. "Yes, I'm a setter. I coordinate the attacks and basically everything else."

"Oh..?" Giki, Hikishi, and blondie all utter confused at the new term. Thankfully, I had the slightest experience in volleyball, which meant I could explain to them.

"Being a setter means you're like the control tower of the team. Like Giki; without her drums, there wouldn't be a steady beat to a song. Or take Hikishi; the base is what makes a base tune. That's the best I can explain in your language." I explain, looking to Suga for any corrections.

"That's right, yeah. How'd you know?" He leans on his arm.

"I may not look like it but I used to play back in middle school. But really, I just played because of my friend group. All of them were the athlete type." I reply to him, meanwhile eating before loudly being interrupted.

"TORUKU AIZAWA!" The expected teacher yells at him, pulling many people's attention. "I WILL NOT START WITH YOU THIS SCHOOL YEAR! FEET OFF THE TABLE..!"

"Okay, okay!" He rolls his eyes, placing them back onto the floor, and crosses his arms. "That old hag.."

Suga laughs softly. His hand crept around the fruit, peeling it as he discussed more. The only thing that was embarrassing was that his words spoke about me. "So, I've heard Y/n is really talented. You know, I would have figured that out if she wasn't so introverted as a first-year."

Hikishi makes a small noise of agreement, before sealing their food, and responding. "Oh, yes. Y/n his her vocal skills from us for quite a while before we brought her out of her shell. Not only that, but she's really good at guitar. Ever heard her?"

Sugawara shakes his head, looking back at me. "No, but I'd love to hear! I understand she's quite angelic."

"I— Uhm, no!" I smile sarcastically, leaning over the table to stuff a piece of chicken in Hikishi's mouth. "Now you be quiet!"

Sugas head perks up, as he begins, "So are you guys signed? Better yet, do you have a band name?" He questions, leaning on his hand while he talks.

"Grimlace." Giki responds, resting her head on her folded arms. Why was he so invested in this conversation? Hell if I knew.

Still, it seemed they had no problem with meeting Sugawara. Well, except for Toruku. But he was always suspicious of any boy I was comfortable with that wasn't him.

While he discussed with my cremates about different subjects on music, I quietly ate my food, observing Sugawara while he had absolutely no idea.

When he was fifteen, I remember loathing the first few moments around him. He'd only ever talk and have energy inside him, like a living Red Bull bottle with an extra shot of caffeine. Of course, the next few times I saw him I'd already gotten used to him and his tiny crush on me. His aura was what inspired me to rebuild myself. Sad thing was that when I was done grieving, he had just begun.

I heard that one of his parents had passed away and that it was a big impact on him. I couldn't even imagine losing one of my parents, even if they hardly even raised me. How I wish I could go back to last year, and find him again, meanwhile searching for the old him. But it seemed that the agony that weighed his kind soul was light, and once again, I met fifteen-year-old Sugawara and that bright smile of his.

—

"It was fun talking to you all. It's not always that I get to converse with such a different group than what I've known." Sugawara mentions as he stands up from the lunch chair, along with the rest of us. "You all must know Karasuno isn't a very divergent school."

"Ah yes, we're aware," Toruku says, slinging his shoulder bag where it belongs. "It was nice talking to you as well, but we've outta get going now. Have a good one, Sugawara!"

"Hey," I say, drawing his attention back towards me. "I might stay a little bit late after school. If—..if you've got practice today maybe you can help me get back to the neighborhood." I silently prayed he didn't catch my stutter. "It'll be pretty dark, wouldn't want me to get lost, now would you?"

Shortly after, he replies, "Why, of course. Although, practice usually ends around five to six. Mind if I swing by once it's done, that way I can wait for you?"

Hikishi quickly swung an arm around my shoulder, and smiles at the grey-haired boy."That would be great! Maybe our Y/n can play a little something for you since you're so invested in her. Isn't that right, Y/n— ow!" He yelps at the harsh pinch of my fingers on his face. I sharply turn once more, bowing to Suga.

"Thank you. We'll be in music room 3007. Though I doubt I'll make a fool out of myself and perform for you," I say, as a small laugh leaves my lips. "I'll see you then."

"Got it, have yourself a good day."

"Yeah, you as well."

—-

Hello folks! Thanks for coming back to read. I really appreciate it! Please vote for my chapters, I work very hard on them and would love some love :) make sure to get good rest and drink lots of water. Love you♥️♥️

- Sugawara's beauty mark☆

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