#based off that one twt thread

[valentimmy]

damn 😟

[tenakiie]

They just got off work <3 Based on one of @/junneviev 's threads on twt

[cinnabutcringy]

[ just a small cw; i'm gonna be talking abt racist stereotypes, not very in depth but still ]

i said this on twitter but i'll say it here too: reverse1999 is NOT a perfect game and i think people should stop acting like it's "the exception" because of the devs doing the bare minimum when it comes to some of the representation.

like, it's okay to like these characters. hell, if you're part of the groups that they represent (indians, for example) then i'm not gonna tell you that you can't like them or find them decent representation. i also understand the feeling of "i take what i can get" when it comes to representation in media of marginalized groups.

but at the same time, i think it's important to acknowledge that there is genuinely criticisms to be had of this game and its way of handling non-east asian poc.

for one, there's only about 4 characters that have dark skin (i would not personally consider joe to be one of them but i'm counting him just bc i forgot to in my twt thread and also to just cover my bases.) kaalaa baunaa and kanjira do not have dark skin. has no one considered why this is???? at all???

and on the topic of kanjira, she also is a character full of orientalist stereotypes. i like kanjira, i think she's a sweet kid, but aside from that, she's written to be a thief, con artist and is illiterate and homeless. i'm not saying that that's not a reality for some kids, but the fact that she was deliberately written this way is kind of a red flag.

there's also some smaller things that people have pointed out like most of the representation in this game of those cultures being things like the characters naming off foods, or just saying small phrases (i.e. centurion talking about burritos and enchiladas, and leilani saying "aloha!") and not actually having many cultural references nor speaking a lot in their language

don't even get me STARTED on the lack of african or african american representation in this fuckin game.

again. i don't want to say that no one can like these characters. i don't want to say that people cannot relate to these characters, or that people can't think they're good representation. that's not my call especially not if you're part of the groups of ppl they're representing (i.e. latin americans, hawaiians, indians, etc.) but i think it is important to realize that like

well, for one, no group is a monolith. there are probably ppl who feel this way but either don't get heard or are too scared to say so.

and two, even if you're not a part of these groups, you can still recognize the flaws in something and acknowledge that, most likely, it's part of a bigger problem in society--colorism, orientalism, whatever. it's in many gacha games and will continue to be, and r1999 is not an exception that should be justified or ignored because "it's better than genshin impact"

[ask-dadpleasant]

based off of a thread my mutual made on twitter. reading:

imagine if, at one point, the infection gets a little too bad, painful for infected - he goes to dadpleasant and curls up beside him once more like he used to as a little kid, seeking for the comfort he used to ask for when he got a tiny scrap on his knee as a child

okay, and what if, what if - unpleasant had always missed holding his little boy like how he used to? what if he had always wanted to do so, but never did because he thought infected grew out of it?

just imagine him rocking infected back and forth, holding him close and telling infected that it'll be okay like he used to whenever kasper fell he can't help but cry - he misses holding his little boy, just not like this, not when he's in so much pain

and what if he sang a lullaby he used to sing to kasper in an effort to comfort infected?

he misses his kid so much, but he wishes it didn't cause his kid this much pain to be able to hold him close again

credits: Park3roo_ on twt

[gomzdrawfr]

Tumblr folks get to see this first...a project of mine which I may, or may not finish it :]

It's gonna be based on a lil thread I did and im still wondering if I should do a full comic or mix it up with writings

(or if you dont feel like checking out twt, here's more ramblings [warning: angst and spiraling] below the cut)

the idea is that Soap gets injured and bed rest, to the point where weight loss and muscle loss is apparent

at one point his fingers got thinner too and when he wore the ring---

the rings that Johnny and Simon had a long long time ago, whispers and hushed tone exchanged during that moment the rings that are not just metal...the rings that signify them

it got loose on his ring finger

and it makes Soap spiral

Soap know that Ghost is still with him, sticking with him despite his circumstances But Soap knows that part of him is not the same man he was before

The injury did a number to him, having resort to bed rest most of the time and not being able to carry out things he used to do, which make him feel much less of himself

and those lines of thoughts can brew internally, diminished his self-esteem and whatnot, it builds up slowly

and it tips over when---

'thud'

the ring slipped off his finger one day

and all Johnny can hear or think is

im so weak that I can't even carry the weight of our promises...weakweakweakweak-

repeated over and over again

In short, Soap thinking he's not enough for Ghost because of his injury and current state :]

[just-antithings]

It's official, antis are now attacking published authors.

Oh this has been happening for a while, mainly within booktwt circles (booktok too but I haven't personally seen much of it and can't name off the top of my head drama I've seen there).

Some instances have gotten big enough to end up being noticed outside book twitter (it's almost always YA booktwt too...) like when some YA authors bashed their old English teachers for making them read "problematic" classics, or when Becky Albertalli got harassed so much, she came out as bi (and then get attacked again by an ex-Buzzfeed youtuber that said Albertalli had still been privileged for "appearing straight" and insinuating closeted queer people are inherently in a privileged position compared to out queer people). Then there were the booktubers and bookstagammers harassing Leigh Bardugo about writing a rape scene in her first adult book Ninth House, to the point that Bardugo felt the need to talk about her past trauma. One booktuber I've seen apologized in a later video, though based on some of her later videos, I have doubts she's trying to change /that/ much.

I'm not sure if the other anon is talking about Nyla K when mentioning the author who got their books taken down from Amazon (it wouldn't surprise me if it's happened to plenty of other authors), but Nyla K has been called pedophilic, primarily because of their m/m/m stepcest/twincest (twin teens and their stepdad, pretty sure) book, where the twins are underage (17? I think?). The booktuber I mentioned above called her writing "pedo incest" in passing, as a "gotcha" because Nyla K is friends with another author said booktuber was ranting about.

Then there was what happened with Ava Reid's book Juniper & Thorn, her twt thread saying it almost didn't get published, due to some of the dark topics in the /gothic horror/ book.

And all the authors I've mentioned other than Nyla K are traditionally published. While many publishing houses have their own drama and issues, harassment like the above isn't going to hurt as badly as if they'd been self-published. Nyla K having their books removed from Amazon has likely hurt their earnings, and while it looks like they've leaned into it (their IG last I checked says "banned & proud"), it's still a fight they shouldn't have to fight, just because the neopuritans decided their books shouldn't exist.

And in the case of the publisher first thinking Reid's book was "too dark", I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have worried about that if Reid was a man. It's been said over and over, but all of this backlash from antis is hurting minorities the most.

as it always does and always will

also they’ve been attacking neil gaiman for a good while now

[xticklemeemox]

The Love You Want: III, Part Fifteen

Word count: 20,059

I had PLANS for the aquarium date i swear they’re just… poorly executed. I struggled SO hard with this damn date even though there were a certain few things I absolutely had to include. This feels like i’ve handed y’all almost 20k words of trash. This chapter did not want to be written and I feel so bad it’s taken this long, and for it to end up like… really shitty. really really shitty. Everyone say thank you sleep token paris show with LP for being the reason I got my ass in gear to finish it (BLONDE SHORT HAIR III OH MY SLEEP) (also insomniac on twt for being so encouraging and kind even though I know this chapter is shit) there may be minor errors in hwo things are timelined in this one cause i moved a scene further up into the chapter, i really tried to make sure i fixed everything so, sorry in advance

Ao3

Masterlist

Previous Part 

____ opens his eyes to the sound of waves crashing on a shore at his back, sand giving way beneath his bare feet. The moonless sky above him is dark, an endless expanse of deep grey rain clouds. He looks around, confused, blonde hair being blown around gently in a breeze that doesn't smell of anything despite the expectation of seasalt.

He had just laid down to try and sleep, hadn't he? Desperate to escape the sounds of raucous laughter from the living room, the feeling of bruises on his hips and beer on his tongue from harsh, demanding kisses.

There is flickering light in the distance, and ____ finds himself walking with purpose towards it. He notices that the light is not that of a bonfire, but of small candles as he grows closer. In this circle of candles lies a man, a long cloak covering most of his form. With each flicker of the flames surrounding him, his prone form flickers, too. One moment, he appears as though he has antlers branching off of his head, making grooves in the sand. The antlers themselves have white lillies wreathed around the base, dark silver chains with pieces of decorative iron shapes, resembling a four pointed star, hanging between. There are white bandages wrapped around his covered calves, criss crossing over each other loosely. A mask sits upon his face, pearly white with a large red sigil that drips down over the cut outs of six lightly squinted eyes, as though the mask is smiling. Jutting down into some variation of fleur-de-lis points past the open mouth and creeping up along the jaw and nose is detailed red, swirling flowery filigree. Splatters of red lead up towards the temples, reminding ____ of blood.

In the next moment, he is just a man, skin as black as coal with veins of gold on the parts of his arms visible through bone white bandages. Attached to his ring finger on his left hand, are three red threads, one tied to each joint. The one closest to the nail is faint, the end of the thread leading off a couple of inches before it dissipates into nothingness. Unlike that thread, the other two are strong, tangible, with no loose threads. The mask under the hood changes too, losing the bloody filigree, the smooth texture, seeming more skull-like in material, with more grooves.

"Hello?" He calls, stopping at the edge of the circle.

The man does not stir, but with the state of his body, ____ doesn't think he even could. Still as the dead, the sight begs the question of whether or not the man was alive at all. ____ finds his answer quickly, eyes drawn to the beating heart laying in the strange mans outstretched hand, curled up on his side as though he was cradling it. A trail of blood and viscera overflows from the golden offering plate under their hand, leading from the heart to the gaping wound in the man's chest, a golden bladed knife stewn not far from the body. Ribs are splintered and pulled apart, a grisly sight that leaves ____ feeling vaguely ill, unable to tear his eyes from the empty cavity of the man's chest. Of the black sludge dripping out and colliding with red blood, but never mixing.

With difficulty, ____ tears his eyes from the bloody mess, and back to the heart, somehow less gory.

It is missing chunks, only a quarter of it left, and yet it still beats, a steady thumpthumpthump that pounds in ____'s ears. Sharp claws dig into the tender flesh of the right atrium, no kindness in the grey knuckled grip. The breeze picks up, tousling both of their hair, sand finding a home in the crevices of their clothes.

____ finds himself sitting, kneeling at the edge of the circle. Something in him begs to move closer, to pull the stranger into his arms, to comfort. He fears breaking the circle, something clearly sacred, but his soul yearns to touch. Waves crash on a distant shore, and neither he nor the man move.

Six eyes blink open, a set at a time, pupiless, crimson irises glowing from within the pitch black darkness of the eyes of the mask. They're captivating, beautiful-

Suddenly, ____ knows who this is, the memory hitting him like a lightning strike. Though the appearance is different, ____'s soul knows.

The man does not speak, does not move, only watches with tired, sad eyes as though looking right through ____. His eyes wander listlessly, searchingly, lips forming around a word that ____ cannot hear, but thinks he may know regardless. Plush, black painted lips seem to part around the word 'four,' over and over as if in question, eyes still searching for something.

With time that seems to stretch along infinitely, ____ feels something tickling the back of his mind. A name comes to the forefront, falling off his tongue gently, a mere breath leaving him in concern.

"Vessel?"

Crimson eyes meet the ocean blue of ____'s, snapping to focus as though Vessel knew where he was all along. There is panic, there, and fear. So much fear.

Wind roars overhead, the already cloudy sky going darker as they go from rainy grey to stormcloud black. Water laps at ____'s feet, where before the ocean has been distant.

"You shouldn't be here." Vessel's voice is hushed, choked with emotion, red blood dribbling over the side of his mouth.

In an instant, ____ realizes this is not a nightmare, but some strange mix of a memory like the times before this, and a dream.

Vessel sits up slowly, the veil of magic clinging to the top of his head beginning to slip. Antlers flicker in and out of existence with the weakening flame of the candles, the wind testing their resilience. An animal pelt on the back of his right shoulder trickles sand. On his left shoulder, a three tiered pauldron sits, white, with the same fur as the pelt between each tier. Chunks of golden corral sit at the top, and the same intricate design on his mask also sits on the rim of each tier, gold detail mirroring the mask as well. The pauldron itself is held in place by a strap across Vessel's chest.

Hands cradle the bloody heart close to Vessel's chest, golden tears slipping out from under the ever shifting mask.

"Vessel, what is this-?" ____ starts, alarmed, as salty seawater begins to rise over his ankles.

"Are you hurt?! Fuck, stupid question, I can see you're hurt-" He exclaims, frantic, reaching out to pull Vessel from the ground. "Please, let me help you! We need to move, the water's-!"

The other man is still kneeling in the sand, clutching his own heart with nails digging into the beating flesh. Water has made it's way to his waist, licking at ____'s own knees.

____'s hands hit an invisible barrier, lined around the circle of candles, unable to reach Vessel. His head is bowed, squeezing the life out of the heart in his hands. Horrified, ____ begs him to stop, tears desperate to slip over, to fall. He watches in terror as the hearts beating grows weaker and weaker, fluttering like a dying bird. Vessel is killing himself in front of him, and ____ is unable to stop him, to hold him, to help.

"No one was supposed to know." Vessel laments, barely able to be heard over the crashing waves growing ever closer. "They will not love me if they know my heart is no longer my own."

Vessel stands, coming up to his full height that towers over ____. His form entirely shifts to something completely inhuman, something almost like living shadow beginning to waft off his pitch black skin. Golden tears splash into the water lapping at ____'s waist as Vessel moves through the water towards him, eyes glowing a crimson red behind his mask, like the strange sigil sitting in the hollow of his throat. The antlers atop his head, jutting out through slits in the hood of his cloak, are extravagant and sharply pointed, the silver chains and lillies softening the intimidating sight into something more elegant. White hair peeks out from the dark void of his hood, like silver moonlight. An image of a scythe, made of white bones and an intricately carved ribcage complete with a blackened heart, is strapped to Vessel's back, rippling on the water's surface. ____ looks back up, expecting to see the scythe on Vessel's back, but only finds empty air. Chancing a glance back down into the ocean, the scythe remains on the rippling image of the water's surface alone.

In the middle of his chest sits a large golden scar, uneven and littered with slash marks where skin had been cut through and carelessly pulled aside to make way for hands to extract the organ within. It travels down the length of Vessel's sternum, uneven and gruesome, a clearly agonizing injury.

Candlelight flickers at their feet, unnaturally lit even with the water submerging them, Vessel stopping at the invisible barrier between them. Careful hands offer up the heart, held carelessly between loosening fingers. Divots are left in the beating flesh as claws release their grip. Distant, crimson eyes search ____'s face, catching on the fresh bruise over his cheekbone.

"Are you in pain like I am?"

Ocean blue eyes meet pupilless blood red as the devastated whisper washes over ____. A split second later, waves crash over their heads, water filling ____'s lungs-

____ wakes up, shooting up in bed to the sound of the same loud laughter he fell asleep to.

Coughing, seawater spills out of his mouth, salt stinging his nose and eyes before the feeling eventually fades like a dream. When his lungs are clear, he rubs his face with both hands, struggling to come to terms with what he's witnessed. He knows he has seen that man before, a couple of times at least. Why... why in this dream could he not remember him until a glimpse at his six eyes had brought the memories forth? The beating heart and golden tears, the antlers, six crimson eyes... he couldn't possibly be human. Is ____ dreaming of a God? Is he being visited by a divine entity, forced to watch as someone once human suffers? ____ doesn't understand, no matter how his brain twists and turns over what he's witnessed.

"____! Get your ass out here and get us some more fucking beer!"

____ stands, wincing as the movement pulls on the bruised skin of his hips. Bracing himself, a hand hesitantly reaching for the doorknob, ____ takes in a deep, deep breath to steady the racing of his heart.

It pounds in his chest, just as the bloodied mess of- What was his name?

The thought slips away like water under a bridge. What was ____ even thinking about? It must have been a strange dream, for his mind to still be so muddled after waking up. He startles at the sound of another shout of his name, irritation blatant and terrifying. Hurried now, ____ leaves his room with a wince, fearing the harsh berating he is sure to come for taking too long to do as told.

II is up and starting the day earlier than the other two vessels for once, but isn't entirely surprised by it. It still takes a lot of energy for III to keep up their glamor for so long, and Vessel had a hard day yesterday. He takes a moment to sit in the rock hard hotel bed and admire Vessel and III, Vessel curled around III's mostly covered form. Tender caresses are bestowed upon their skin, over the curve of Vessel's cheek, down the slope of III's nose, through each of their hair. Every touch is reverent, worshipping. II is sure he has no need of a God, not when he has these two.

Dark bags under Vessel's human eyes pull a frown onto II's face, dried tears having left glistening tracks. Was Vessel crying last night while they slept? II had hoped Ves would wake them up if he needed anything, but knows the other man likely still needs time to warm up to that. He's come so far as it is. II is so, so proud of him for the progress he's made.

Sleep's presence, felt faintly, lingers at the edges of the room, a silent observer. II isn't sure if the God is even fully here with them, or if its only a piece of Him able to follow them around. II doesn't really care either way, chunks of his initial love for the God slowly being torn off with every action Sleep has taken that has hurt those II loves.

Glancing over at Nick to find him still deeply asleep, II starts getting ready after covering III's unglamored form back up with the bedsheets. He knew Vessel would be excited about the aquarium, glad he had the foresight to look into the city the festival was going to be in. An ad had caught his eye, and after making sure it wasn't a scam, II looked into it further. Looking over the exhibits offered, II knew he needed to take Vessel. Absolutely needed to. III had agreed when II mentioned his idea, eager to see Vessel's reaction. The mere thought of how excited Vessel had looked when II had brought it up, exhausted as he was, was fuel enough to keep II's soul burning bright for decades.

Gathering up all the stuff they would need, II takes it out to the car. It was mostly just spare clothes, since they didn't unpack any of their equipment. II comes back into their room as quiet as he can. III is sitting up in bed, rubbing sleep from their eyes with black stained hands, hair a baby blue mess around their head. "Hey honey, sleep alright?" II greets, gaze soft with love.

"Mm. Good."

"That's good, sweetheart. You should put your glamor back up, if you can." II requests quietly, glancing over at a sleeping Nick as he leans over the bed to smooth a strand of hair behind their ear.

"Mm." III hums again, carefully getting out of bed so they don't disturb Vessel, who is still sleeping, too.

"Wanna shower?" III mumbles, stretching while magic shimmers very faintly over their form, reapplying their glamor.

"Together?" II muses, eyebrows raised and a small smile playing at his lips.

"It's not like I haven't seen everything before, Doll." III smirks, but they're so sleepy still that it comes across as more of a smile.

"Sweetheart, we showered last night. Don't you remember?"

III frowns, thinking. "Oh. No, I didn't remember. Was exhausted."

"We can shower together some other time." II laughs, so, so fondly, reaching out to pull III into a kiss with a gentle hand at their nape.

When they part, II says, "You should start getting ready soon. I would like to leave before noon if we can."

"Can I... get dressed up?" III asks, hesitant.

II levels a confused but soft look up at him, "Of course you can. I was expecting you and Vessel to be dressed up. It's our first proper date away from home, after all."

"You won't mind if I wear makeup?" Less hesitant but still unsure, III tries to come across as nonchalant, but II knows them better by now.

"If you wanted to look as if you've just stepped off the red carpet for the Met Gala, I wouldn't stop you. Wear whatever you want, be it makeup or clothes."

III smiles, a gentle thing that is opposite to how they pull II forward with arms around his shoulders, kissing him roughly and adoringly.

They have found themselves struggling lately, with the weight of their past, bad memories that linger because that is the way Sleep made them. III has settled in entirely with being a vessel, and even though that was a quick thing at the beginning, eager for acceptance and love, he is only now beginning to have problems. It's frustrating for everything to have been going so well, and his own mind seems to have other ideas. As Vessel starts slowly healing, III seems to be reverting. II, as well, if the stint of smoking is anything to go by. III really hopes it's a one time thing and that II's bad habit won't make a return.

III had thought- had hoped... he wanted to move beyond his past life. That was why Sleep had taken most of their memories, wasn't it? But it's haunting all three of them, even after rebirth. Maybe Sleep should have taken everything, left them as nothing more than blank slate's.

II's lips on his makes III feel a little like everything is going to be okay, no matter what. It's a familiar feeling, when II is near, when II smiles up at III so prettily, with that self-assured little glint in his eyes.

When III pulls away, II is noticeably breathless, panting. It makes III's smile stretch into a grin, "Can I do your eyeliner?"

"Mine?" II mumbles, dazed, eyeing III's lips hungrily, "Uh, sure. Yeah. No wing though, please."

III pouts, but agrees without a fuss, pulling II by the hand towards the small bathroom. "Are we going to be wearing our masks?"

"We don't need to since we have our uh, y'know-" II lifts up his necklace for emphasis, "Vessel would probably like to wear his but... we could get him one of those surgical face masks?"

"Oh! Good idea! He'll feel so much better with that instead of his mask. We'll all blend into the crowd better, too. Speaking of Ves, should we wake him up?"

"No." II decides, keeping his voice low, "We'll let him sleep a little longer. He deserves it, having taken the brunt of the ritual magic yesterday. If he sleeps past eleven though, I'll need to wake him up."

"That really scared me." III says, almost meek, the admission lightening a bit of weight on their shoulders as they begin to pull out their makeup kit from their duffel bag.

"It scared me, too. It was nothing like our worship in practice or at the altar." II closes his eyes as III directs, content to let III work.

Between careful strokes with an eyeliner pencil and a brush to smoke it out, II peeks an eye open to watch III dig around in their makeup bag, the picture of concentration. III truly is a beautiful man, II thinks, a blush slowly spreading from his cheeks downwards.

"See something you like, pretty?" III comments offhandedly, not looking away from their search.

"Always." II smiles, "You're so beautiful. Inside and out."

"You flatter me." III says, brushing off II's words with a shy smile.

II sits, stunned for a moment. III thinks that II is only flattering him? Perhaps this is taking a page from Vessel's book, but II would become the air so that he could be the breeze, gentle enough to rustle III's hair in the light of day. III is always so beautiful in the sun.

"I'm admiring you." II corrects, gentle hands reaching out to stop III in his tracks for just a moment. "I do not do flattery. I mean what I say. If I could, I would show you how you look from my eyes. The sun seems to follow you, a light in a dark room. You're gorgeous, and I wish you could see that."

III blushes, a pretty red spreading across their face like wildfire. They cover their face with their hands, trying to hide away from the praise. III feels unusually shy, a little off kilter, when he says, "I love you. You mean the world to me."

"I love you, too, sweetheart. Now, am I done, or do you intend to put mascara on me as well?"

"Well, since you offered..." III grins, and the weighted bond feels a little lighter, like the dark cloud that had been hanging over III has finally begun to recede if only slightly.

III's mood seems improved, after that. The bond is content between them, broken only by the fuzzy feeling of Vessel sleeping. By the time III is done with II's makeup and moving on to his own, Nick is waking up. II doesn't bother watching the other man get ready for the day, only scooting to the side of the counter when Nick comes out from the small room with the shower and toilet, to fix his messy bed hair into something presentable in the large mirror. III is finishing up with their eyeliner as Nick goes back towards the main area of the room.

"I'll be right back. Gonna grab a pack from the car." Nick comments without any intention of receiving an answer.

The door slams shut behind him, and while II and III's faces both twist up into annoyance, Vessel wakes up choking on a sob. Smothering the bond out of instinct, Vessel both takes peace in the near silence of the bond going quieter, and hates the way II and III go distant. The sound of the door slamming has his mind reeling, caught between his dream and reality, unable to process what is going on around him. It takes but a moment for his mind to move from the fear of potential pain from hands that used to hurt him and on to what his dream had entailed. He feels somehow stuck in his past and present and his dream all at once. Vessel doesn't know what's going on in his own mind, he can't focus, he needs to focus-

The terror on Four's face, set into the worry lines by his mouth and the crinkles by his eyes comes to the forefront of Vessel's mind. He thinks that for just a brief moment, just a fraction of a second, he may have been able to see Four's face in its entirety before waves crashed over their heads. His magic had been so strong, swirling within him and around him, churning the ocean water, leaking out of every pore as exhaustion weighed his body down, Vessel isn't entirely sure what was going on in his dream before or after Four's arrival. He knows one thing though, Four knows.

No one was supposed to know.

And now, two people know what Vessel has tried so hard to keep hidden.

The dream starts slipping away. Something in Vessel knows if he lets it, he will lose Four with it. He grasps ahold of the memory of his dream, holding tight to it as it blurs in his mind. Vessel doesn't want to forget. It doesn't matter that Four knows his secret, Vessel doesn't want to forget.

The force tearing his dream away from him loosens its clawed grip before disappearing entirely, and everything comes back into clarity.

That dream is his, Four is his, and nothing will keep him from it.

The possesiveness scares him. He has always been so selfish, holding too tightly to everything that was his knowing that nothing lasts forever.

He coughs, trying to rid his lungs of water that isn't truly suffocating him, curling into himself under the coarse hotel sheets. Tears are beginning to make a wet spot on the pillow as II and III make their way to him hastily. It had been only a few seconds since he'd woken, but Vessel felt as though it had been a lifetime. He is so tired.

II reaches out, intending to comfort. Where the action had been welcome, before, Vessel slowly less and less expecting of a hit, now he reels back, scrambling to the other side of the bed, legs tangling in the sheets. He doesn't know if he was expecting to be hurt, or if he was afraid of his secret getting out. He thinks, perhaps, its both. He coughs again, sure that saltwater will come up with it, but there is nothing but saliva splattering on his hands.

"Ves, honey, how can I help you?" II tries carefully, handing over a pack of tissues.

Vessel only barely manages to get himself to reach out and take the pack, hesitant of II's hands like he had been in the very beginning. It breaks II's heart. When there is no response, III asks a similar question, hovering behind II with a worried expression. It's clear they want to ask more questions, but III shows restraint.

The hotel room door opens, Nick stepping through while shrugging his jacket on. He takes in the scene, a concerned, curious expression pasting itself on his face.

"Nightmare disrupt your beauty rest, princess?" Nick poses the question lightly, a joking smile pulling gently at his lips as he takes in Vessel's tears with this look in his eyes that begets a sense of satisfaction.

Vessel's expression shutters, like a light has gone out behind his eyes, face falling into humiliation and upset. Cold fury blazes in II's veins at the sight of Vessel's eyes going dead. A far too familiar sight, reminiscent of when II had first arrived as a vessel. So much time and effort and love has been put in to helping Vessel heal enough to bring that spark back to his eyes... to bring him to life...

"Leave it, Nick. He has a difficult enough time sleeping as it is. I know you're only joking, but now is not the time. And don't slam the fucking door next time." II turns quickly, almost spitting in his anger, trying hard to not be too biting in tone despite the way he bristles at the joke.

A strange expression twists onto Nick's face, something trapped between a sneer and a tight smile. Vessel shrinks into himself, the expresion oddly familiar, even if he has no face in his mind to truly compare it to.

"My bad. Not the time." Nick parrots, guilt seeping into his smile, "I'll be back. Going for a smoke."

The door clicks shut behind Nick, more conscious of the sound now, II watching him pull out a pack of cigarettes from his jacket pocket as he goes. Something in II longs for the deathstick between his fingers, the smoke burning his lungs. He turns back to Vessel, shaking his head lightly to rid himself of the thought. His hands shake with his want.

It takes a moment for Vessel's voice to work, already strained vocal chords locking up in his fear. Tentatively, he lets the bond bleed back into focus, guilty over the concern the other two or feeling, but ultimately unable to force his own fear and anxiety to the side despite his best efforts.

"Don't touch. Please." Vessel hates to ask this of them, wanting the exact opposite of his request, the words thick on his tongue.

"Bad day, Sugar?" III asks, sitting gingerly on the edge of the bed, body poised to get up quickly in case Vessel deems him too near.

II sits beside him, hands carefully laid flat on his lap, though his fingers drum gently against his leg. Somehow, the sight of II still drumming, even now, brings a little bit of amusement to Vessel, knowing the other man always had a beat on his mind. Tapping it out soothes II's own anxieties, shows when he's feeling content, happy, sad. The familiarity leaves Vessel wanting to hold II's hands, to offer up his own skin for II to tap against.... but those hands could also discover Vessel's lack of heartbeat.

"Mhm. Don't- Want it to be." Vessel tries to wipe his tears away, but they won't stop falling. "I want... I want to be able to-"

Fear leaves him shaking, thoughts of the others finding out about his lack of heart racing through his mind on a loop that he fears will never end. Vessel wants to be held, wants to curl up in II or III's lap, whichever of the two would allow him the comfort, but now more than ever he is scared of wandering hands. Hands that would not intentionally betray him, he knows, but... Vessel is afraid.

"I... I... my rule. Please, my rule... you'll follow it?" Vessel is desperate, so desperate for affection, for their love.

Even if he doesn't deserve it. Even if he knows it is only fleeting. One day, they'll realize he isn't worth anything.

Softly, reaching a hand out slowly in offering, III says, "Always. Your comfort matters to us more than anything, Sugar."

Vessel's fingers are cold as death when he reaches out to touch just the tips of them to III's hand, a faint tremble wracking his frame.

"Here, sweetheart. Maybe it will help with the cold." II says, standing to retrieve Vessel's hoodie for him.

Vessel doesn't have the heart (ha) to tell him it won't. He takes the hoodie anyway, grateful for the kind thought.

Vessel slips it on, and covers his head with the hood, contemplating whether he should pull the sleeves over his hands or not. Ultimately, he decides against it, crawling from under the covers and into III's lap. They welcome him with open arms, stroking a gentle thumb over Vessel's cheek when the other rests his head on III's thigh. "Better?" III asks, thanking II in Vessel's stead quietly.

The only response he receives from Vessel is a timid nod while he cinches up the hood of his hoodie tightly. III's arms comes to rest over Vessel's shoulder, hand hanging limply onto the bed. Their hands do no stray, do not wander where Vessel has asked them not to. He is thankful that they're so strangely willing to listen to him.

III continues stroking over Vessel's cheek, hand warm against Vessel's cool skin. III doesn't care that tears smear against his thumb, not when Vessel is allowing the touch.

"Would you like to speak about your nightmare, Ves? You don't- Ves, honey you don't have to!"

Before II has even finished his sentence, the bond is flooding with fear. Shaking his head profusely, Vessel curls into himself, hands clutched tightly over his chest. "Ves, love, please don't hide from us. I'm not going to force you to tell us anything." II tries, letting a sigh of relief spill when Vessel slowly lets a bit of the bond bleed back into focus.

The distance between them had been frightening, no matter how close they were physically. That distance Sleep had forced between them during their set the day before had been frightening, too, bit it was out of all of their control. Sometimes, II wonders if the bonds are just strings, an easy way for the God to puppeteer them at His whim. Or chains, perhaps. They are bound to him, after all. Sleep could take away His gift at any time, if the God saw fit, II is sure.

"Don't shut us out, please. Take all the time you need to calm down. We'll be here." III leans down to press a kiss onto Vessel's hood, their hand never losing the tenderness.

Vessel is so grateful to them. He needs them to know that, and so he tells them in the easiest way he knows how, by sending it down the bond. The warm affection he receives makes him cry harder, letting their love for him chase away his fearful thoughts, for now.

The terror has lessened with the others comfort, his tears abating eventually. Vessel is left tired, as if he had never slept at all. He doesn't want to go back to the way things were in the beginning, when he was afraid to touch and be touched. He wants things to remain as they are, he wants to trust that they won't hurt him without nightmares and plain old fear getting in his way. Vessel wants to believe they won't leave, if they find out what he is lacking. He doesn't, but he wants to. He wants so many selfish things...

"We're going home." II announces, moving to stand, "I'll call Nick back-"

"I still want to go on our date." Vessel says, voice hoarse, his eyes peeking out from under the cinched hood of his hoodie.

"You do?" II asks, a mix of concerned and surprised, eyebrows raising up to his hairline.

Vessel looks like a mess, beautiful even now, but a mess nonetheless. Exhaustion weighs heavy on his shoulders, purplish eyebags under his eyes and a frown trying to pull at one corner of his lips.

"Yes. Is... is that okay? Can we still go?" Vessel goes quieter, II only able to hear him due to the more advanced hearing they all have.

"Vessel, I only said we were going home out of concern for you. I didn't think you were feeling up to it." Frowning, II tries not to tap his fingers against his thigh anxiously.

"He says he wants to go, II. I think we should listen to him." III says, glancing between the two of them with slightly wide eyes.

II takes a moment to stare into Vessel's eyes, feeling fond when Vessel manages to keep the eye contact for a few seconds.

"You're sure, sweetheart?" II asks, blue eyes as soft as his words.

"I'm sure." Vessel states firmly, nodding his head.

"Alright, only because you said you want to. But if at any point you want to leave, we will, no questions asked."

Vessel smiles lopsidedly. Its hidden behind his hoodie, but his eyes crinkling at the edges is telling enough for II and III. "Mhm! Thank you..."

"You don't have to thank me, sweetheart." II remarks, leaning down to press a kiss on the visible sliver of Vessel's face, right over an eyelid.

"I want to, though. You didn't have to do this..."

II hmphs in amusement, dimple appearing with his smile, "Do what, Ves? Set up a date for my two beautiful boyfriends so I can see them all dressed up and hopefully, happy? It's no trouble and I'm more than glad to do this."

Vessel turns his head to try and hide, embarrassed, but it doesn't work very well. Remnants of tears are still drying on his cheeks as a comfortable silence seems to settle over them. III breaks in with a carefully controlled exclamation, "Oh, that reminds me, Ves, can I do your makeup!?"

Nervousness ripples at the edges of the bond as Vessel contemplates his answer, removing his hood. He takes a close look up at III, then over at II. They're both wearing makeup, he realizes with a start, face flushing at how ethereal they look. Mascara has made both II and III's eyes pop, the eyeliner bringing out the pretty blue of their eyes. Their respective piercings only add to the look, III's large, sharp wing suiting them well.

"I don't mind doing it myself. I used to wear a bit of makeup a long time ago." Vessel offers, not wanting to trouble III with it.

"You can do it yourself if you want to!" III reassures, shyly adding on, "I did want to do it for you though. If you don't want me touching you to apply it, I'd understand."

"No, I... You can do it. I want you to, if you want to."

With ease, II lifts Vessel up enough to put his head on II's lap instead, III immediately hopping up to go get their makeup bag. Excitement bounces along the bond, causing Vessel's nervous smile to widen into something more positive, more loving.

"Is it alright if I straddle you, Ves? I want a good angle to do your eyeliner." III asks when they return, waving a pillow in one hand while the other holds their makeup bag, "I kind of wanted to... uh-"

III fumbles, a little red in the face suddenly, "I would like to be close to you that way, while I do your makeup. I've thought about it... a lot more than I would like to admit. If that's too much for you right now, though, I understand."

Vessel's brain seems to stop operating all together, all at once. The thought of III atop him, straddling him, so close... their hair would fall to frame their face, pretty blue eyes staring down at Vessel... he wants that. The fact that III had thought about the scenario often...

Then he thinks of his nightmare, and the interest that had been growing is muddled immediately.

"If you want to, I don't mind." Vessel agrees, clearly nervous by the prospect of having III atop him but sitting up to move to the middle of the bed anyway.

II remains where he is, gentle gaze flicking between III and Vessel fondly. Vessel is almost apprehensive in his movements. He's undecided on whether to be nervous or eager.

Vessel takes the pillow as its offered, clutching it over his chest tightly as III crawls onto the bed. Carefully, III lowers themselves over Vessel's waist, thighs on either side of his hips. The long skirt he's wearing pools around them, fabric scrunching where their bodies meet. The sight leaves Vessel wanting... but-

His dream with Four is lingering heavily at the forefront of his mind, causing anxiety no matter how hard he tries to rid himself of it. Is he not allowed to have a moment of peace where he isn't afraid of his secrets becoming known?

"Mind if I hold your jaw? It would be easier for me. If not, that's okay, hun." III asks, trying his hardest not to let his own excitement overshadow Vessel's known insecurities and triggers.

"Go ahead. I... I trust you." Vessel responds, smiling into the kiss III leans down to smother him with.

Vessel tries to ignore the underlying arousal as III pulls away, but stays leaned over him to begin applying a bit of black eyeshadow, his hand so gentle where it's cupping his jaw. He doesn't want sex right now, but if the others want it, he will. He won't mind. They're always so gentle, it won't hurt. He trusts they won't hurt him, even if he wouldn't mind if they did. Vessel will take anything they offer, be it pain or affection.

Shaking his head lightly, Vessel tries to rid himself of the thought. II and III do not use him. They don't. They've- They make sure he feels good too. It isn't only take, they give as much as they get. As Vessel's mind wanders down that trail of thought, he wonders if they are simply kinder in their use of him. He doesn't mind the thought.

He is glad when II speaks, pulling Vessel's thoughts from beginning to spiral into anxiety over how his mind wars with itself over his past and present.

"No funny business. We've got places to be today. Wait until we get home." II orders, leaving no room for argument.

"Of course. I would never cause problems." III says, grinning widely under the scrutinizing, dry stare II tosses at them.

"You and I are his biggest problems." Vessel jokes, trying to appear as if he isn't closely watching for the others' reactions, as if he isn't more nervous to make a mistake than he has been in ages.

"He loves us though! Don't you, Doll? You'd be so bored without us to keep you on your toes." III agrees, so excited about the joke Vessel had attempted that they're nearly vibrating in place.

III squirms, trying to turn to see whatever expression II is making. The friction is delicious, Vessel squeezing the pillow to try and rid himself of the tension slowly building up his body. III is so beautiful above him, hair left loose except for a long braid behind one ear.

"I'd be absolutely miserable without you." II grins, and while its a wide thing showcasing human teeth, there's a soft, adoring edge to it, and Vessel is absolutely enamored by the view he's receiving.

III continues working, concentration furrowing his brow. Vessel closes his eyes when asked, opens them when asked, trusting III not to make him into some sort of clown. The right

III is heavy atop him, a welcome weight as Vessel's deep blush is met fondly. III's hands are steady as he draws a long, sharp wing, hot breath fanning over Vessel's face.

"Gonna make you prettier, beautiful. People are going to fall at your feet begging for a glance from your pretty eyes."

Vessel's turns more red, unable to escape or hide, unable to move for fear of messing up III's carefully applied work. His next words are mumbled, carefully enunciated so his face moves as little as possible, "Your praise is not helping."

"Oh, I can tell." III smirks, pausing to kiss the tip of Vessel's nose.

Large hands settle on III's hips when they shift to get a certain angle right. Vessel lets out a breathy little sound, caught in his throat from where he tries to stop it from escaping. Just to hear more, III grinds down again, receiving the same reaction only slightly more whiny. Vessel stifles the anxiety bubbling under the surface of his skin, desperate to please the others. If he's good, they won't leave him. Besides, it does feel good. It always feels good, if it's them.

"Boys." II's reprimand is sharp, causing both of them to freeze in place.

There's a pout on III's plush lips, a gentle hand moving to caress Vessel's cheek at the fear beginning to fester in the bond. Vessel swipes the fear away quickly, trying to keep the others from feeling anything negative from him. If III wants sex, Vessel will give it to him.

"No funny business." III recalls, voice mocking as he tries to emulate the timber of II's own voice.

"Good boy. I don't think we should be letting Ves do anything strenuous. He must be tired, remember?"

Vessel feels immediate relief, trying not to hide it but also feeling as if he should hide that specific emotion from them. He's been utterly exhausted since the ritual, minor aches still present in his chest. III's weight has strained his ribs, but Vessel has kept that well away from the bond. Has kept it from his own awareness intentionally. Seeing III like this above him is well worth the bits of aching pain that sometimes strikes through a rib or two when III shifts their weight.

"Ves, you should have told me to stop." III levels guilty eyes back on Vessel, who stares back just as guilty, both for differing reasons.

"Can't- I can't." Vessel admits, the words like ash on his tongue, forced out like pulling teeth. "You are not them and yet... I can't."

III looks crestfallen, tears beading at the corners of their eyes. Any bits of happiness that had been in their bonds have all been snuffed out. He sits up, beginning to pull his hand away and Vessel whines, desperately reaching his own hand up to hold III's hand on his cheek.

Vessel's ruined everything.

He wants to cry, to dig a blade into his skin anywhere he can reach to punish himself for fucking things up. He shouldn't have said anything, Vessel should have kept his mouth shut and let them do whatever they wanted to him despite his discomfort with the idea of sex right now. To think he hasn't even told them that he still hurts.

"My apologies." He mumbles, hesitantly reaching out to take III's now unoccupied hands. "I did not mean to make you cry."

III is still warm and heavy above him, both of them half-hard. III lifts one of Vessel's hands up to kiss his knuckles delicately, reverently. Each one is worshipped before III moves on to Vessel's fingertips.

Spreading his fingers out, Vessel dares to reach a little further up and splay his hand across III's cheek. III's sigh, whether of sadness or contentment, sends shivers down Vessel's spine as it spills over his cold skin.

"Its okay, Ves." III murmurs in response, II shuffling closer, his knee grazing against III's thigh.

"I know we've said this before, but you can say no. Neither of us will be upset with you for not wanting sex. It's not a requirement in our relationship, just a bonus, okay?" III needs to stop being so gentle with Vessel, he loves and loathes it.

In lieu of answering, eager to move past this, Vessel turns his head and bites onto III's hand, moving it closer for his teeth to reach. Human teeth do not leave more than faint red marks on III's flesh, but he receives the reaction he wanted anyway. III's smiles, smaller than Vessel had hoped for.

"We'll get through to you on it eventually, but I'll accept your attempts at ending that particular line of conversation, for now." II huffs, not quite amused, not quite annoyed.

Vessel is a little apprehensive, releasing III's palm from between his teeth. Is II upset with him?

"Bite me next, sweetheart?" II asks, taking joy in the way Vessel's nervous expression shifts into something brighter, a spark coming back to his eyes.

"Where?" He whispers, the hand cupping III's cheek falling to rest against a thigh, holding onto the other man as if he'll disappear if Vessel doesn't keep him within reach.

Offering up his arm, biceps on full display due to the tank top II is wearing, II points at the meat of his bicep, almost on the underside, "How about right here, once III is finished with you?"

II then grins mischeviously, a smile Vessel feels he picked up from III, "I'll take a kiss right now, though, if you're up to it."

Vessel sits up as best as he can, one hand making grabby motions without care for how his shoulder twinges in protest. III starts to get off of him, but the hand on his thigh splays out and grips, meaning to keep III in place. Vessel nips gently at II's lower lip, relishing in the warm hand II slips into his hair. The kiss is slow and languid, II taking his time tasting Vessel just the same as Vessel himself is doing. There is no rush, no frenzy of passion, only worship through colliding lips.

"My turn, my turn!" III exclaims childishly, taking great pleasure in the mockingly aggrieved look II sends their way as he and Vessel reluctantly part.

Vessel's little grin is contagious, II stealing it with one last peck. II turns his head, reaching out to pull III into a kiss before the other can process what's happening. II is more rough with III, but no less loving, tongue swiping over III's lower lip in search of entrance into their mouth.

Vessel watches, fascinated, at how differently II handles him and III while never losing that adoring tenderness. He flexes his hand, still holding III's thigh, and slowly trails it down to rest easily on their knee. III is still straddling them, just as Vessel wanted, remaining close just as Vessel wanted. Though clothes limit their touch, he relishes in the warmth seeping through to his skin.

Vessel wants to hold them, wrap his arms around them, be so close that they all meld into one being. Instead, he watches their dance of tongues and yearns for something he cannot give himself or them.

II gently pulls III's head back by his hair, forcing them to part. "Enough now, pretty. Give Ves a kiss and then we'll finish up. It's almost time for us to leave."

III lets out a sound between a whine and a sigh, pretty blue eyes falling to meet Vessel's own. II doesn't release their hair, and III glances down at Vessel in confusion.

"So you don't get ahead of yourself, Three, I'll be keeping my hand right here. I won't pull hard enought to hurt at any point. Is that alright?" II asks, always seeking to keep them comfortable.

"Mm. That's fine, Doll." III nods, not minding how the action tugs at his scalp.

Slowly, II pushes III down until he and Vessel are nearly face to face, noses a hairs breadth apart. Then, II makes III wait, and in doing so, makes Vessel wait. For a moment, no one says or does anything, the tension slowly building between all three of them. Finally, II pushes III's head forward and he eagerly takes Vessel's lips with their own. Their hand finds Vessel's, clasping their fingers together. Ever eager, III immediately tries to devour Vessel, all hot tongue and claiming lips.

Before III can get really into it, II is pulling them back by the hair, ordering, "Take your time with him. Savor what Ves is gifting us."

Whining, III nods, desperate to put his mouth back on Vessel's. Hungry blue eyes take in the human dilation of Vessel's pupils, the faint flush spreading to the tips of his rounded ears. Dark hair is messy, curling at the edges from sleep, with still wet lashes from when he had been crying earlier.

"Please, sir, I'll be good. I'll be so good, just- let me taste him-" III shivers, not missing the way arousal suddenly surges through the shared bond.

The hand in III's hair tightens its grip marginally, and then II is releasing him entirely.

It surprises III enough that he doesn't move an inch for a few long seconds, but he gets over it quickly, slotting their lips back with Vessel's as though it's the last time he'll be given the chance.

III is slower this time, more careful, a languid swipe of his tongue against Vessel's bottom lip, a gentle nip to pull on bitten, chapped flesh. Kissing Vessel can be a little challenging with the others' penchant for grinning widely or smiling sweetly into them, but III wouldn't have it any other way. It's such an endearing thing to do and III loves him so much...

"Enough now." II orders, breathing labored as he pulls III away from Vessel, "If we don't stop now, I won't be letting Three out of the bed for a long time yet."

"That was fucking hot. I'm so turned on right now." III mumbles, eyes wide and dazed as their hand squeezes Vessel's own.

"I may have allowed you to get yourself off but I told you no funny business and you didn't listen." II mocks, smugly licking his lips to gather the faint taste of his lovers, "And you even dragged poor Ves into it. I know he's irresistible but I told you no."

"Aw, that's no fair." III pouts, perfectly aware that he disobeyed an order. "If you were in my position, you'd be struggling, too."

"Now you know that's not true, my love. I have impeccable restraint." II hasn't lost even an ounce of that smugness, knocking his shoulder into III's arm gently.

"Didn't show a lot of restraint when we finally had Ves moanin' for us." III smiles again, widely with teeth, baring them in challenge.

II looks away deliberately, a blush spreading from his cheeks down his neck. III's grin grows impossibly wider, victorious.

"Finish up here, Three. No kisses for two days." II states, leaning over to give Vessel a quick peck on the lips before getting off the bed entirely.

III gasps, one hand splayed over their chest. For a moment, Vessel thinks III is seriously upset, but the pleased little glimmer of emotion in the bond shows otherwise. Vessel doesn't understand it, but III seems to enjoy the punishments given.

So he works up the courage to ask.

Once II has wandered off to change clothes, Vessel brings it up while III fixes a smudged bit of under eye makeup on Vessel.

"Why do you not mind the punishments you receive? He does not hurt you, but I still don't- understand?" Vessel hopes he worded it alright, trying to keep himself from tilting his head naturally to the side with his confusion.

III's smile turns muted, small, dull. It doesn't suit him, it makes their face dim, like the light of the sun has gone out. Vessel hates that he put it there by asking such a stupid question-

"I trust him." III responds quietly, gently dabbing the tip of the eyeliner brush at the inner corner of one of Vessel's eyes.

It's a struggle to keep from flinching away with every touch, but Vessel manages. He stares resolutely at the beauty mark beside III's eye instead of attempting to hold eye contact with III while they work.

"Two has always made everything very clear to me. He has never hurt me, always listened to what I've said. I do not feel ignored or like my wants don't matter. The punishments I receive are small, mildy annoying things at worst, and at best, simple tasks or minor things withheld. II... he makes me feel safe, and loved, and I trust him with my body and needs."

"I don't remember the whole experience well, but I used to not be allowed to eat dinner if I made a mistake or was too loud back at the adoption home I was placed in. I preferred being forced to be absolutely silent over not being able to eat. "

Vessel's face twists into a pained grimace, devastated over the life III must have led before Sleep. III's face twists into further concentration, struggling to remember. The memories are neither good nor bad, a grey area that makes them easier to recall with single minded focus, with enough effort.

"The only dom I ever had was nice at first, but strict. A lot like II, perhaps, not as fun. Didn't love me like he does, either, but I wasn't in it for the romance, with him. He was more inclined to refusing basic needs when I was too bratty, always thought I talked too much, too. Reminded me the most of my childhood compared to any other flings I had."

Vessel plots murder in his mind, protective, possessive rage fizzling under his skin. III soothes it with a gentle pat against Vessel's cheek, the tender touch smoothing out the rough edges into something more manageable. Vessel has time and a means of killing that asshole off, if III will allow it. "No murder. I vaguely remember he got his shit together after a different brat kicked his ass for trying to pull the same shit."

Vessel visibly wilts, but agrees quietly.

"I appreciate the intent though, my love."

III continues, brushing a bit of highlighter over Vessel's cheekbones even if it potentially won't be seen, "I think I was in a lot of online forums before Sleep? I have vague recollections of talking to other queer people and figuring out labels I never would have learned on my own in my shitty, backwards town. The elderly woman at the thrift store was the first person to accept me, for me, after I figured out who I was and wanted to be. It's.... it's hard to remember much of my time with her because it was some of my happiest moments and Sleep took so much from me."

"I know I just continued to ramble after answering your question, I'm sorry. If you want me to be quiet, I will."

"No. I want to hear you, the sound of your voice, your laugh... your moans. I want to hear all of it for as long as you'll allow me the pleasure." Vessel says, no more than a whisper.

III leans back, a blush flaming across his face, closing his makeup bag and taking in his work. Sharp, black eyeliner juts out from Vessel's eyes, the style matching his eye shape. Inner corner points are mostly even, and mascara used to further darken Vessel's already dark eyelashes.

"You look so fucking ethereal, Sugar. Thank you for letting me do your makeup. Wanna kiss you so bad." III juts their lower lip out, continuing to pout as they had earlier.

Its an endearing expression, with his wide, pretty blue eyes and his beauty marks. "You reckon he'll extend the time for no kissing or not let me cum for a week?"

"I'd keep quiet if I were you, sweetheart, you're giving me ideas." II sings from the other side of the room, slipping a black tank top on, having been listening the whole time.

III laughs, leaning down to nuzzle his nose into Vessel's cheek in place of a kiss before climbing off him. Vessel misses the weight immediately, even if his sore ribs immediately feel relief. Vessel follows III up, discarding the pillow to the side and reaching out to take III's hand. "You didn't deserve anything that happened to you." Vessel states, feeling a little strange for reiterating what they seem to tell Vessel himself so often.

"That's why I left the adoption home when I was of age and why I dumped that piece of shit dom I had. I realized how much of a dickwad he really was, and left him. I didn't deserve any of it, even if sometimes, somewhere in my heart where faint memories linger, I feel like I did."

Vessel longs for his mask, in that moment. To hide behind the solid material, to keep III from seeing how some twisted sense of realization seems to physically slam into Vessel, stealing his unneeded breath.

"Ves?" III asks softly, cupping his jaw with a tenderness Vessel doesn't deserve.

Or... does he? Does he deserve to have good things, does he deserve the other vessels? Did he deserve everything that led him to Sleep?

Did he?

In this moment, about to go on a date with his lovers who mean more than the world to him, Vessel doesn't want to think about it... but-

"I'm fine, Three. I'm going to get dressed, thank you for doing my makeup. You look beautiful." Vessel says while stepping away from the hand on his cheek, and though he means it, its a clear attempt at exiting the conversation.

III watches as Vessel goes to dig around in his duffel bag, sharing a weighted glance with II. The other man shakes his head, a small smile pulling at his lips. III understands. They'll leave it be, for now. Someday, Vessel will realize he didn't deserve a fucking thing that has happened to him, Before Sleep, or After. It is not an easy realization for someone who has been hurt so severely.

They all finish getting ready quickly. Vessel finishes tucking in his billowing black shirt into the waistband of his skinny jeans, and while he does so, he takes note of what the other two are wearing. III's long skirt, loose with ruffles at the hem, is a pastel blue to match their hair. A black shirt with bell-like sleeves, one of Vessel's, is hanging off their less broad frame, with black socks and their sneakers. II has on a form fitting tank top, tucked into a pair of black cargo pants. His silver necklace is the only accessory other than his piercings, unlike III who has a choker around their neck to offset their own piercings. III takes a few minutes to braid bits of Vessel's hair, and then up into his usual half up, half down style. The braids match III's, a detail that doesn't escape Vessel's notice. It makes him surprisingly happy to see that they match.

Just as Vessel thinks they're going to leave, II stops them at the door. "Forget something, pretty?" II croons, very slowly caging Vessel against the door.

He makes sure to give Vessel ample time to move aside or ask him to stop. Vessel grows nervous at the attention, at the position, biting his lip even as he eyes up the thick bicep's caging him in.

"Oh~ We almost forgot II's request!" III smirks, leaning his elbow flat on II's head.

It ruins the sensual approach II was going for, and II glares lightly up at them.

"Oh, don't look at me like that, Doll. You were making him nervous! Coming at him with those delicious muscles on full display."

II glances back at Vessel, intending to see for himself. He finds Vessel staring at his biceps, eyes wide. There are hints of arousal in the bond from all three of them, though II knows Vessel likely doesn't want to do anything about it.

"Gonna bite me, sweetheart?" II says, leaning in closer, smile turning playful as III lifts their weight from his head. "I do so love your teeth on me."

Vessel's taller frame slowly moves closer, leaning down into II's personal space. Nervously, he places his mouth over the curve of a muscle, grazing his teeth along the skin. II shudders, leaning closer, his hair tickling Vessel's jaw and ear. The height difference is clear, like this, II so small beneath him even though the shorter man is the one caging him in.

It... does something to Vessel, to see II like this.

He opens his mouth, and sinks his teeth in to the meat of II's bicep. II moans, a shiver wracking through his whole body.

For a brief moment, Vessel has the strangest thought of reversing their positions. It's banished before it can fully form. Vessel would never dare. II wouldn't want it, and Vessel would never dare.

"Christ on a bike." III mumbles, finding themselves weak in the knees.

II chokes out a laugh, startled. "Where in the fuck did you hear that- Shit."

As II is speaking, Vessel releases his arm from between his teeth and moves up towards his shoulder, biting in deeper there. Not hard enough to break skin, but the indents will last a few minutes at least. Perhaps it will bruise, and Vessel can look at it longingly until it fades, can revel in guilty satisfaction at what II has allowed (asked) him to do.

Vessel pulls away, fearing for his secrets safety, realizing just how close he and II have become. Boldly, he presses a kiss onto II's forefead, face heating with a blush at the desire filled look in II's eyes.

There's something else, too. Surprise, adoration. Vessel had just kissed him first, after all. Even if it was only on the forehead. II could count on half a hand the amount of times that has happened, and basks in how happy it makes him.

II lets Vessel loose from the cage of his arms, rubbing a hand over his face with a disgruntled huff, "Okay, we need to go. I won't be able to stand a minute more of you both looking this pretty while we have some semblance of privacy."

Vessel can feel his face grow warmer, pale skin going pink as a lopsided smile tries to make an appearance. Without any more preamble, Vessel reaches back and twists the doorknob to their hotel room. II lets him escape without a fuss, running reverent fingers over the stinging bite marks then following behind III after making sure he has his wallet and room key.

Nick is leaning against Vessel's car when they leave the hotel, nearly to the butt end of his cigarette. He offers one to II as he shoves off the car, but II politely declines.

III makes note of the longing in the bond with distaste, trying to keep II from feeling it. They really hope II keeps to his promise.

"Well, aren't you a fancy bunch. Sure I can't tag along?" Nick's voice is warm, kind, smiling around his cigarette even as he eyes the bruising bite stark against the pale skin of II's bicep.

Vessel stiffens, moving to hide a bit behind III to avoid Nick even seeing him, or him from seeing Nick. He really doesn't want Nick to go with them.

"Maybe some other time, I'm sorry. If this weren't a date, I'd be all for you coming along." II apologizes, smile bordering on kind, and Vessel isn't surprised that the emotions the others feel towards Nick are genuine.

They're friends with him, somewhat, it's only Vessel who has a problem.

"It's almost noon, Two." III points out, and II is quick to give their farewells.

Nick says something about maybe going off to explore, or maybe just sticking around the hotel room but Vessel doesn't care to listen keenly, eager to leave the other man behind. Hiding in the car, Vessel fiddles with his phone as the others give farewell pleasantries. The message from Terzo stares back at him, left on Read.

As he's thinking over a reply, II and III get in the car. III immediately starts fiddling with the radio, digging through Vessel's cd collection. The Poison by Bullet For My Valentine is III's pick, and Vessel finds it in himself to smile a little wider at the choice, turning his attention back down to his phone.

How did Terzo know? How? Did Omega find out and tell him? Did they tell II and III? No. No, they couldn't have. There is no way that the others would still be here with him, treating him so kindly, loving him, if they knew he had no heart.

Vessel deletes the message from Terzo about his heart, electing to answer the first part.

(Terzo Emeritus)

Vessel: Thank you, and Omega, for helping me yesterday. I appreciate the kindness you have shown. It was a pleasure meeting you, and if I have any questions, I will ask as you have offered.

Pleased with his formal writing, Vessel sends the message and sets his phone down when II begins to drive. He doesn't mind being in the backseat as much, now that Nick isn't with them. III keeps engaging him in conversation, not minding when Vessel answers quietly, or merely nods or shakes his head to show he's listening.

The bond is buzzing with Vessel's excitement, the anxiety warring with the positive emotion for control. It leaves Vessel feeling a little ill by the time they park, seeking out one of the others hands for comfort. The aquarium is a large building, grey in color with spots of ocean-themed murals along the more expansive sections.

II pulls him closer as III takes Vessel's other hand, paying for the tickets. Inside is a throng of people all gathered around the gift shop and some of the smaller exhibits and directory signs. II hands over a black surgical face mask from one of his many pockets, and when III asks when he found the time to ask for one of those, II shrugs, waving his hand vaguely in the direction of the ticketbooth. Vessel slips it on, making sure his earrings and hair aren't caught beneath the strings, and immediately feels more secure. He'd felt exposed without his mask, and this has helped.

All three of them take a moment to briefly look around, and then Vessel gasps softly, pulling the other two forward toward one of the directory signs. He lifts II's hand up with his own to point out one of the exhibits.

"A jellyfish exhibit!" He exclaims, blue eyes gray in the lighting, like a sea overshadowed by a gathering storm.

"Do you want to head there first, then?" II smiles, taking in how lively Vessel is already, and they've only just arrived.

"Can we?" Vessel turns wide, bright eyes onto II, grinning beneath his face mask.

Though his smile itself is hidden from them, it still crinkles the edges of Vessel's human eyes. He looks absolutely ethereal with his sharp black eyeliner with the bit of blue glitter II has put at the inner corners to highlight the little wings there, too. His hair is pulled back into its usual style, now with two little braids in front of his pierced ears. Framing pieces of hair had been left out, and he's utterly adorable. II and III are absolutely enamored.

The jellyfish exhibit is a large room, with a wall of glass on one side. Behind the glass are yellow-orange jellyfish, sea nettles if Vessel remembers correctly. They're large, floating about inside their huge tank. Smaller tanks are strewn about the room, with different types of jellyfish in each. Vessel knows some jellyfish eat other species of themselves, so it makes sense. Murals take up the expanse of the other walls, of jellyfish in the ocean and silly cartoon sea creatures. In the middle of the room sits a floor to ceiling cylinder of water filled with moon jellies, all leisurely swimming as people ogle them and their beauty.

Vessel opens his mouth to gush about the moon jellies as he drags II and III closer by the hand, but shuts it as he seems to wilt. He knows they don't mind too much if he rambles, but... the fear that they will grow annoyed with him remains ever present.

"Hey Ves, what kind of jellyfish is this?" III asks, grinning when Vessel visibly perks up.

As Vessel moves to speak, II mouths, "Good job."

"They're moon jellies! They can make themselves about half their size if there isn't enough food around, and will grow back to regular size when more food is available! They're primarily preyed upon by sea turtles-!"

II and III listen fondly as Vessel continues to ramble out facts about jellyfish, not just the moon jellies. He drifts over to the sea nettles, explaining how depending on their home region, can be minorly or severely dangerous based on someone's sensitivity to their sting. 

Eventually, they finish in the jellyfish exhibit room after no small amount of time. Vessel had gone on and on about each type in all of their respective tanks, enjoying himself to an extent the other vessels aren't sure they've ever seen. It makes them feel so... in love. And proud. Proud of how far he's come.

"Hey, Two, Ves, want a picture?" III asks, holding up their phone as they're all just looking up at the glass wall separating them from the jellyfish, right before they leave. 

"Up for a picture, sweetheart?" II looks up to Vessel, and when he receives a quiet affirmation, II pulls them over to a less crowded spot while III follows, readying his phone camera.

Vessel stands awkwardly, not sure what to do, as II moves them both into position, facing each other.

"Okay, in three, two, one-!"

II reaches up on his toes, pulling Vessel's face mask down and kissing him, cupping his jaw on either side so gently it brings tears to Vessel's eyes. II fixes Vessel's mask after he pulls away, settling back down onto his feet properly.

III comes over to show them the picture, pouting about not getting a candid photo of kiss too. II grumbles in good fun, leaning over to kindly ask a young goth couple to take a photo of them. 

Breaking the rule he'd set, II kisses III the same way, the girlfriends taking the photo hooting and hollering. 

"One more photo." II calls, pulling Vessel to their sides, "Alright, now pose."

Knowing he must look a fool, Vessel simply smiles, doing a little peace sign. III strikes some full body pose from II's other side, while II merely leans his head on Vessel's arm, hands clasped together. The girls give III his phone back, commenting on how cute they all are and then walking off, hand in hand. III shows them the photo and then sends all of them to the group chat. Vessel sets the one with II as his lock screen, and after a bit more tapping, the group one as his homescreen. After that, they move on through the penguin enclosure, where Vessel tries not to frown too harshly. Downtrodden, he asks to go to a different area pretty quickly.

Vessel had been excited, at first. He still is, to an extent. Happy that II and III brought him, had thought of him to such an extent, but...

He can't help but think back to how listless the penguins had looked, in their boring enclosure with nothing to look at but gray walls and ice, and the relentless calls and noises from humans staring at them through the glass separating them. Vessel may not know what it's like to have a home (he won't admit the truth to himself. He can't- He's afraid-), but he can sympathize with the pain of being taken from it. The only place Vessel had felt at home in, Before, was down in the ocean, sinking with the weight of stones in his pockets as his lungs screamed for air and his body fought his heart to swim back to the surface. He'd worn his heaviest clothes and boots, knowing it would only help him achieve his goal. Fish had swam by, a small coral reef leaving scrapes and cuts when he'd hit it after finally sinking deep enough. The light of the moon had been bright, then, and utterly beautiful. His body still struggled, but his heart, his mind, had finally, finally felt peace.

They move on to the shark exhibit at III's insistence, trying to lighten the suddenly somber mood that has befallen Vessel. The First perks up, having a love of sharks, but the sight of one of the grey reef sharks swimming with a bit of difficulty alongside some seabass, ruined III's good intentions.

"What's wrong sweetheart, why are you sad?" II questions, pulling Vessel in close, arms brushing against each other.

"They were all taken from their homes. All the creatures we saw today." Vessel frowns, eyes a little misty, "The sign says that this shark was hurt so they brought it here for recovery, but... the scar looks like it was from something man-made. We did this to it, took it from its home after we hurt it."

"We didn't do this to it, honey. I know someone else did, and I despise that we as a species are so prone to cruelty, but they're trying to heal it, here. Look, this other sign says they'll release it once it's healthy enough. It'll go back home soon enough."

Nodding, Vessel squeezes II's hand, seeking comfort without wanting to ask for it. "Next time we'll go to a sanctuary!" III breaks right out with it, desperate to bring some semblance of that joy back to the bond.

"There might be one near home." II adds, nodding, "They treat their animals better, usually, and are more likely to actually release them when they're healed up."

"You would do that for me?" Vessel whispers, surprised like the first time, like every time they show him an ounce of consideration.

"I would do anything for you." II replies firmly, pressing a soft, adoring kiss to Vessel's temple.

Vessel doesn't realize the truth in that statement. II isn't sure he ever will, but that's alright.

"If you decided one day that the sun was too bright or something, I'd find a way to take it out of the sky." III chimes in, completely serious.

Vessel gapes, "That would have severe environmental effects-"

"It's the sentiment, Sugar. If you asked me to do something impossible, I'd find a way, no matter what, for you. Because you mean that much to me, to us." III grins so widely their cheeks surely must hurt from the strain.

Vessel grins, eyes wet, nodding in lieu of a verbal answer. He's overwhelmed by the love they're showing him, by that tender emotion flowing so gently down the bond.

"Can we head to the giftshop next? We passed it on the way in and there was something I wanted to check out." III says, bouncing on the balls of their feet.

There's an excited gleam in his eyes, uncontainable.

"Shouldn't we wait until we're about to leave?" II counters, a little confused.

"There's a plushie I want to get Ves and I really want to get it now before all of these little kids buy out their entire stock." III says, entirely serious, then brings out the wide eyes and simpering expression to beg, "Please?"

"Oh, fine. We'll backtrack if its fine with Ves." II rolls his eyes good naturedly, turning to look up at Vessel for his decision.

Vessel nods, not really minding either way. He's content to follow the others around, even though they have been following him around. Rubbing an eye, Vessel struggles to stifle his yawn. He's still utterly exhausted from yesterday, the ache in his ribs growing worse as the day wears on. "Do you want to take a break first, honey?" II asks, ever the caretaker.

"No. I'm fine, promise."

II acquiesces, and they continue on. They make their way back to the front area of the aquarium, holding hands the entire way. Any rude look receives a fierce glare from II, the shortest of them shooting daggers into any bigoted asshole that wants to be shitty. They're holding hands, not fucking on the aquarium floor. The giftshop is larger than some of the exhibit rooms, dedicated to many different kinds of merch, ranging from t-shirts, to mugs and keychains, to plushies and child-friendly scientific kits or home aquariums.

"Do you have a preference for a plushie, Ves? You don't have to pick the one I have in mind." III says, suddenly nervous, picking at his nail polish.

"Pick whatever you want. My plague doctor was a gift from II. It is... nice, to be thought of. To have a gift chosen for me."

III lights up, the sun returned to his eyes, bounding off with a promise to return thrown over their shoulder. II stays close, keeping a tight hold of Vessel's hand as he leads him through the store. Vessel tries to keep track of III, anxious for him to be so far away. Rows of plushies are lined up against a back wall, the opposite direction of III who is currently staring down a child who wants one of the plushies somewhere up front. Vessel watches as II scans over the rows with a discerning eye, taking great care in reaching out and feeling the materials of each plushie to see how the texture feels between his fingers.

"Here, Ves, how about this one?" II says, finally, picking out a jellyfish plushie.

It's about the length of Vessel's arm, white in color with two black dots for eyes and a line for a smiley face. Hanging from off of its bottom is the jellyfish arms, a mix of white ribbon and a scrunchy pastel blue material that springs back up when Vessel tentatively stretches out one of the tentacles. It makes him smile, amusement zinging down the bond.

"I take that as a yes, then." II says, longing to hug Vessel or kiss him senseless.

"Guys! Guys! I beat this kid in rock paper scissors, four to five, and got the last one!" III exclaims loudly, excitedly bouncing up beside them with a decently sized shark in hand, triumphant.

Vessel barely flinches, feeling much better than when he woke up. He turns his attention to the shark. It's... comical in expression. With big, beady black eyes, a grey and white body, its mouth is what sets it apart from a typical shark plushie. Its mouth is a half moon shape, lined with sewn in pointed, but blunt, teeth. Its a very round shape, with a floppy dorsal fin, and one of the pectoral fins is misshapen. The caudal fin looks to be about the right shape, but no less floppy than the dorsal.

"It's a little... off looking." III's smile turns sheepish, "But it was the last one and I wasn't about to lose rock, paper, scissors to a ten year old that I challenged."

"You challenged a ten year old to rock, paper, scissors?" II raises an eyebrow, amused.

"And almost lost?" Vessel whispers, taking the shark from III.

"I'll have you know I won in the end, and that's what matters. Besides, that's not the point here. The point is that I got the plushie I wanted to get Vessel! Even if its misshapen." III pouts, tucking a stray strand of hair behind their ear.

"Such a pouty boy today." II gets up on his tiptoes to whisper in Vessel's ear, smile fond but cheeky.

It sends shivers down Vessel's spine, warm breath hot against his cool skin.

"I like the shark." Vessel decides, as III moves to ruffle II's hair out of spite.

"What are you going to name them?"

"Name them?" Vessel tilts his head, puzzled.

"Yeah! You should name them! It's like breathing new life into them, like when we chose our names." III drops their voice down to a little louder than a whisper.

Oh.

Vessel thinks he understands.

"Think on it, Ves. You don't have to name them right now, or today. Whatever you think of will be a good choice because they're yours now." II says, reaching up to cup Vessel's cheek over the face mask.

Nodding, Vessel follows the others towards the front of the shop to pay, struggling to ignore the crying child throwing a tantrum over wanting too many items for the family to pay for. The noise is loud, almost overwhelming, and it causes Vessel's anxiety to spike.

He holds the plushies close, seeking comfort in them while they wait in line to pay. As he's looking around, rubbing a thumb over III's knuckles, something catches his eye on a stand nearby. Vessel glances up at III who is messing around on their phone, and II who is watching him already. II makes a shooing motion, taking the plushies from Vessel, and slowly, he drags III with him to look at what caught his attention.

It's a projector that puts moving underwater images on a wall. Deliberating, but guilty, Vessel weighs his options. He knows the others would just tell him to get it, simply because he wants it. And he does want it. They don't destroy his things either, so it likely won't get broken that way.

He turns to III, holding up the box with one hand wordlessly.

"That's going to look so fucking cool in your room, pretty."

Vessel grins, kissing III's knuckles through his face mask as they go back to where II has moved a bit further up in line. "I'll help you set that up at home if you need me to, Ves. It'll look really nice with your blackout curtains to block out light."

Vessel presses up close to II, keeping hold of III's hand. The line moves slow, but not overtly so. The harried cashier is tired but kind, struggling to man the cash register by himself. II pays, uncaring of the price, though Vessel blanches at the absurdity of it. III reassures him that money doesn't matter today, and Vessel really does try his best to not think of it. 

As they find the nearby directory, Vessel is lost in thought. He thinks he has names picked out, but will the others approve?

"Um, how about Mr. Nibbles? For my shark, and Jello for my jellyfish?" Vessel asks, gently putting Mr. Nibbles in the bag with his new projector. 

He makes sure to pat his head goodbye before II takes the bag from him.

"Those are great names!" III exclaims, II agreeing, more subdued, but no less enthusiastic.

Vessel lights up at II's approval, holding a hand out in hopes II will take it.

He does, clasping their fingers together and bringing their hands up to kiss Vessel's ringed knuckles. Vessel blushes up to his ears, a pretty flush to his cheeks that hasn't seemed to leave the entire time they've been on their date. He really is so happy to be here, despite noticing some less than savory things about the place. Hiding his face in the plush fabric of Jello's cap, Vessel attempts to force the blush from his cheeks. 

"Two, Two, he can't keep getting away with this. He's so cute." There are honest to Sleep tears in Three's eyes as they tug at a beltloop on II's pants.

"And I'm not even allowed to kiss him." III moans out in utter agony, dramatically holding their head in their hands.

"You can kiss him all you want in a couple days, brat. Now, how about we check out the bioluminescent fish exhibits?"

"Can we go back to see the sharks again? I... saw something for a touch pool." Vessel asks, quiet and expecting rejection, quickly trying to correct himself, "We don't have to. We already went so-"

"That's fine. I wanted to take a look at the touch pools too. I chose the aquarium with you in mind, we can do whatever you want to do." II assures, eyes going between the directory and up at Vessel tenderly.

"Alright. If you're sure." Vessel's smile is weak, uncertain, but II takes comfort in the hints of excitement still in the bond.

II takes the lead again, holding Vessel's hand while he holds III's. They might look a little silly: Three grown men linking hands at an aquarium, armed with bags of merchandise. II doesn't spare a single fuck for fools who think they're acting immature or being too public in their affections.

The shark exhibit room is busier than the last time they were there, II's shorter frame helping him navigate through the throngs of people and pulling the other two with him. The touch pool area is thankfully less crowded, with only a few families and their children around.  All three of them lean over into the touch pool area, II setting down their stuff by their feet. III immediately seeks out a cow nose ray, petting over it's brown back gently. II finds a starfish close to the wall of the touch pool, fascinated by how textured their spines feel as another cow nose ray drifts close. 

Vessel is a little more hesitant, gradually sinking his hand down into the water. There's a bamboo shark nearby, tentatively swimming closer. It brushes up against the back of Vessel's hand curiously, then swims away. It comes back quickly enough, nibbling at Vessel's fingers gently, making him laugh quietly. Vessel thinks this is the best part of the day so far, unable to contain the elation flowing smoothly through his veins, thick like honey.

A child splashes the water, her parents pulling her back with exasperated reprimands, familiar on their tongues, as the manta rays scatter. Vessel loses track of time as he pets the sea creatures, gently picking up a starfish to look over before setting it back down. II and III eventually drift away to look over a wayfinding sign, pointing out exhibits they could look at next. They talk back and forth, debating over which of the few are left to go to since they've visited most of the exhibits  already. Vessel stays nearby, seated now on the concrete lip as one arm remains in the water, the other holding Jello. Gentle fingers brush over a bamboo shark pup, eyes wide in wonder as the beautiful creature keeps circling back around for Vessel to pet again. II keeps a careful eye on Vessel, afraid to lose sight him in the growing crowd.

Slowly, more and more of the pups come up to Vessel's hand as he struggles to pet them all and hold his plushie still, a wide smile pulling at his lips. III takes a quick photo before turning back to the conversation they're having with II, undecided on the aviary or the seahorse exhibits.

Around Vessel, children of all ages pet the epaulette sharks and manta rays, laughter and conversations between families quickly becoming overwhelming. It's beginning to make his skin crawl, every little noise causing him to flinch or grimace. Looking around, Vessel stands, shaking his hand off then wiping it on his pants. His sleeve is let back down as he looks around, hoping to find somewhere a little quieter that won't be too far from the others. There are more people around II and III, parents with their unruly children looking over the wayfinder sign, too, and Vessel doesn't feel like going near all of those people. The others would hold his hand if he asked but all of the noise and people would cancel out the comfort.

Another glance around and a sign catches Vessel's eye, as well as the deep blue tunnel under it. It's a water tunnel that apparently leads off to a large room of similar purpose. Already Vessel can see schools of fish swimming past the glass in front of a lone couple in the tunnel, and intrigued, Vessel makes to move that direction before pausing, looking back towards his lovers unsurely.

He adjusts his grip on his plushie, holding Jello closer, running gentle fingers up and down the length of one of her scrunchy blue arms, taking comfort in the action. A child starts screaming, high-pitched and grating, throwing a tantrum over something or other, and Vessel flinches, hunching into himself. He takes a glance at II and III again, finding them thoroughly distracted. 

Vessel stands, and heads in the direction of the water tunnels. He'll only go a few feet in, linger at its entrance so he's within sight. And he does, Vessel stays near the opening, crouched at the glass separating him from kelp and little fish swimming about in their schools. Vessel stands, moving a bit further in to get a better look at some of the larger fish, human eyes struggling in the lighting. 

Vessel is entranced. Beautiful blue waters surround him on all sides, fish of various types swimming in their own respective schools. A hammerhead shark swims leisurely by, Vessel losing sight of it as it goes behind a large structure meant to resemble a corral reef. The lights in the room are meant to look like the audience is underwater, and blue eyes absorb everything around him he can as he slowly spins in a circle.

His soul had died it's true death the day Vessel tried to drown himself in the ocean. He knew a piece of him stayed down under those deep, dark waters. Here, surrounded by fish and stalks of seaweed, the distinct sound of being underwater playing through the speakers, Vessel feels like he finally came home.

He holds his new plushies close, standing smack dab in the middle of the room. No one is around, only him and the blissful calm of the sea as company. He gets a bit lost in it, unaware of the passing of time as he watches the fish swim by.

Unbeknownst to him, Vessel's bond goes distant, fading into the void like his mind.

The peace is shattered by the sound of his name, a desperate call. Vessel blinks, dazed, as his mind is forced to focus.

"Vessel!" The shout reaches Vessel's ears again, and he realizes II is calling for him.

His phone rings incessantly in his pocket, and he reaches to answer it urgently. As he does so, he notices multiple missed calls. How hadn't he heard them?

"Three?" Vessel inquires, a little confused as his head tries to focus on the present.

"Vessel, where are you?!" III's voice over the phone is frantic, laced heavily with emotion as though they are on the verge of tears.

That thought leads Vessel to realizing his face is wet, and there is a tugging on the bond every second or so, trying to get his attention. He pulls taut on it, a means of leading the others to him.

"I followed the signs for um, an underwater room? I'm not sure. It was through some ocean tunnels." Vessel tries to explain, but his voice is frail, as weak as he suddenly feels.

Slipping off his face mask, Vessel tries to wipe away his tears. His hand comes away glistening, wet with the tears he didn't even know he was crying.

"Okay. Okay, II and I are on our way. Stay there, okay, Sugar? Stay there. We'll be right there." III's voice sounds wrecked, and his words feel more to reassure himself than Vessel.

Vessel doesn't need reassuring. He's fine. He is.

He makes his way to the glass separating him from the tranquil waters, placing a hand on the glass, listening to III whisper loudly to II on the other end of the line.

Staring into the glass this close, vision filled with beautiful blue water and little guppies pecking at his fingers through the glass, Vessel feels himself slipping away again. It's quiet here, the only sound are the waves through speakers, static interrupting the peaceful sound every once in a while. 

Vessel wants to go home.

Yet, that place, sinking under the depths, isn't really his home anymore, is it? He's found a new one, he just can't admit it to himself. Fear stays his hand. 

Two pairs of footsteps running towards him fall on deaf ears, his phone hanging loosely at his side in a limp hand. His arms itch, the sensation faint, like the strange feeling of more tears slipping down his cheeks. Free to glide over his skin, salty wet splashes against his shirt, but Vessel doesn't notice. 

"Vessel!" He barely manages to hear II and III, their voices intertwined, only realizing they've finally met up with him when II collides into his back in a hug.

Vessel flails, caught between turning around and pulling away entirely. He settles on turning around, keeping his plushie between them. It doesn't feel like enough, it never does, but Vessel desires what he knows he shouldn't, so he allows them closer than he should. 

"I look away for two seconds and you're gone! You scared the shit out of us, Ves! Please, please don't wander off again." Tears bead at the corners of II's eyes as he pleads with Vessel, wishing for the stuffed animal to be gone, just so he could be close enough to hear Vessel's heartbeat, to know the other man was alive.

The wetness smudges the eyeliner that had remained intact all day, but II still looks beautiful. He always looks beautiful.

Vessel is slowly nodding his agreement without a thought, squeezing II's hand comfortingly, "I didn't mean to worry you,. I'm sorry."

"I know you didn't mean to, honey." II sniffles, uncharacteristically vulnerable.

"Why did you wander off?" III asks, voice small, clutching at Vessel's sleeve like a scared child.

III looks scared, too, wide, wet eyes scanning Vessel for any injuries. "There were so many kids screaming, and everything got really loud. I... I couldn't handle it so I went off to the ocean tunnel area. I only meant to stay at it's entrance, I swear, so I wouldn't lose either of you, but I got distracted by all of the fish and continued." Vessel explains, guilty.

II finds it in himself to laugh, "Of course you got distracted. You at an aquarium must be like a kid in a candy shop. Do you... know why you started to disassociate?"

Vessel's lips pinch beneath his face mask, averting his eyes. "No. Must be because I got overwhelmed."

II knew this would be coming any time now. Vessel hasn't been out around this many people in the entire time II has known him. He knew the other would get overwhelmed eventually, and should have kept a closer eye on him.

Any vulnerability is gone quick enough, snuffed out in replacement of a smile and drying eyes, "Alright, Ves, that makes sense. Do you want to do anything else? There are a few more-"

Vessel wants to go home. He wants to go back to the manor, where he lives with II and III, and he wants to be home with them.

"Can we go back to the manor?" Vessel interrupts, guilty eyes struggling to meet II's.

Vessel turns his head so that his cheek presses onto III's head, taking comfort in the way the curls muddle his line of sight. III still hasn't let him go, still clutching at Vessel's arm like a limpet now, refusing to let any distance come between them. If Vessel focuses, he may be able to feel III's heartbeat in his bicep where the other man has Vessel's arm in a vice grip. 

"Of course we can, Ves. I'll be right back." II says, soft eyes full of understanding.

II turns to go back to the wayfinder to grab their things, hand beginning to slip from Vessel's. He clutches onto it like III is currently doing to him, fearful of any distance between them. "I don't... please- Can we stay close?"

"I'm not going that far, sweetheart. Just to grab our things."

"Too far." Vessel mumbles, selfishly, and II's expression softens further.

II let's Vessel hold onto his hand, all three of them shuffling back through the tunnels towards their collection of bags. It's a miracle all of them are still there, and then Vessel notices the thicker than normal shadows underneath the plastic bags. Vessel still feels guilty that they'd bought him anything, even though II was adamant it was fine, they weren't wanting for money thanks to Sleep, and Vessel had decided for himself that he wanted something. 

"Can we get a drink or something before we go? I would feel better, personally." III asks, feeling guilty for asking.

"Is that fine with you Ves?" II asks, and Vessel nods, replying, "Do they have anything sweet?'

Even if he didn't need sustenance, something sweet did sound nice. As soon as they find themselves surrounded by people, Vessel's hands kick up a faint tremble. II blessedly tries to keep them away from the thick of it, carrying their bags in one hand while keeping hold of Vessel's with the other. 

II finds a secluded spot for Vessel to calm down in, setting their stuff down beside a small fountain. Small tremors wrack his otherwise still form as Vessel's mind settles from being out of the overwhelming situation, holding Jello close while rubbing his thumb and forefinger down the scrunchy material of her arms. 

"I'm going to the restroom and to get us drinks! I'll be right back, promise!" III exclaims, nervously fidgeting with their nail polish, picking at the chipping paint.

"Be careful." II implores while he digs around in his wallet for their credit card, seeming as reluctant to let III go off on their own as III himself is.

"Will do." III grins, easy despite his own anxieties.

"Three." Vessel mutters when III turns to leave, "Sleep will erase anyone who harms you if I ask. Do not be afraid to protect yourself."

"I'll come back to you, Sugar. I'll bring you something sweet, and maybe something more bitter for Two." III leans down to kiss Vessel's forehead, pulling away from the finger he didn't realize was locked around a belt loop.

They glance over at II, a nod meeting his questioning look. The kiss was allowed then. III was hoping it was. II isn't strict on the rules when distressing situations occur, knowing allowing them the small comforts helps. II isn't cruel. III turns, and walks away, long legs carrying him from his lovers quickly. II waits until III is out of sight, both he and Vessel watching them go before II hands Vessel Mr. Nibbles, swimming in his love for the other man as Vessel cuddles into the misshapen shark. Already, away from the crowds and overall noise of the aquarium, Vessel's bond is lighter. The static of overstimulation is beginning to taper. II wants to ask Vessel what happened in the ocean tunnels. That look in his eyes scared him, something like death seeping from his blue eyes into crystal tears.

Now, Vessel is looking at him over his new shark stuffed animal with loving eyes, clear contemplation in the bond. Would II get angry with him? Would he think the nickname was too old-fashioned?

II lets him ruminate in peace, content to keep watch for III's return as Vessel calms down. II tugs on the bond on occasion, relief buzzing through him whenever III returns the gesture.

Vessel does his best not to even think the nickname, despite how much he longs to refer to them as such in his head. He yearns for so many things, and fears allowing himself the luxury of having any of them. He is ruled by his fear, but... II and III have helped him overcome so much already...

"Today was fun, thank you, beloved."

II freezes in place, and Vessel does, too.

"I-I apologize, it just slipped out!" Vessel tries to fix his mistake, even if he said the nickname with purpose, holding his plushies tighter to himself as though their soft forms will protect him. "I won't say it ag- oof!"

II launches himself at Vessel, startling him so badly he loses balance, almost toppling over the ledge and into the fountain behind him. II continues, smile wide, picking Vessel up by the waist and twirling him around. It makes Vessel dizzy, and he's caught between yelping and loosing an undignified giggle. The sound he makes comes out as more of a squeak instead, and II laughs, pressing a kiss into Vessel's stomach. Vessel almost drops his plushies in surprise, easily ignoring the way his ribs ache in protest at the movement. II doesn't miss the flash of Vessel's pain, hold gentling but not placing him back down. Vessel's weight is barely felt due to II's strength, the chains on his pants digging into II's skin. He doesn't want to let go, wants to hold on to Vessel forever. 

"Sorry, sweetheart. Got ahead of myself. Are you okay? I can put you down."

Vessel hums a disagreement, relishing in II's arms around him. He shouldn't be able to feel Vessel's lack of heartbeat. Hopefully. He can't see II's head over his new stuffed animals, but Vessel can still feel his love, feel his happiness, and that's enough. He sends back his own, and it is like they're floating in it, just them two in a vast ocean of tender affection.

"Would you say it again, sweetheart?"

"Beloved." Vessel murmurs, too lowly for II to hear him.

"Again."

"Beloved." Vessel repeats himself a little louder this time, though not above a whisper.

"Again? Please?"

"Beloved."

Now that he's said it properly, at a normal volume, II finally sets him down only to immediately smother him in a world ending kiss, pulling Vessel's facemask down to do so. One hand holds Vessel's nape, pulling him down to meet II's lips while the shorter man stands on his tip toes, the other cupping Vessel's cheek. He is careful not to put too much strain on Vessel's ribs, but Vessel himself is not as careful, once again ignoring the ache and leaning down further so II doesn't have to strain himself.

Gentle 'I love you's' are murmured into the chapped skin of Vessel's lips as II kisses him again, and again, less frenzied than the first, softer, slower.

Finding the restroom is easy enough, III passing by a man who sneers at them distastefully when they politely squeeze by. Taking a piss is a boring affair, as it always is, though III is glad to be the only one in the restroom. Lost in thought about how absolutely gorgeous his boyfriends look today, and still a little frazzled from losing Vessel, III doesn't pay any mind to the next man who comes in the bathroom, takes one look at him, and promptly leaves as III is washing their hands.

A tiny voice croons in awe, something about his hair being pretty and having so many red threads on his fingers, and III freezes in place, turning their head to look at the restroom entrance. Empty, just like the stalls behind him. 

He turns in a circle, looking around. The restroom is completely empty, except for a spider on the wall, hanging out on an intricately spun web in one corner of a small window. The tiny voice speaks again in amused disbelief, and again III understands perfectly. It isn't English, or any other human language, but III's mind translates it with ease. It says something about there being no way a human had heard her speak. The spider shuffles, moving slightly closer. Eight eyes blink slowly, once, twice, before there's a chittering exclamation of realization.

III finds himself pointing at it, mouth hanging open. It's tiny head tilts, before one equally as tiny, spindly arm lifts to point back.

Slowly, the point turns into a mimicry of a wave, and III feels their heart constrict painfully. He waves back cheerfully, trying to keep himself contained so he doesn't scare the little creature.

"You're so cute. What's your name?" III sticks his hand out, and tentatively, the spider climbs on.

It's a small thing, no bigger than III's thumbnail, perhaps a jumping spider? With two large eyes in front with a smaller pair beside each of those, and another set, one eye on either side of its head, and fuzzy little hairs all over the brown body.

"What is a name, Vessel of a God?" She asks in a confused chitter, and III is fairly certain it's a she.

"It is what you are called. My name is Three. It's what my boyfriends call me, and the name I chose when I started my new life." Though surprised, III brushes past the spider knowing their inhuman status.

"You can choose your own name?" III's mind supplies when the spider speaks again.

"Yeah, you can! Or I can name you. It's your choice." III responds, exiting the restroom.

They move off to the side, reaching to fiddle with their phone screen so they don't draw too much attention for talking to their hand.

"You would grant me a name, kind Vessel of a God?" Big, big eyes stare up at III and he knows he won't survive those eyes.

They remind him far too much of Vessel.

III has only known this little spider for a total of five minutes but he'd kill for her.

"Yes, yes, I will! If you want me to! How about Kiwi? Cause you're fuzzy and about the same color."

When Kiwi repeats her name, it is not in any form of human speech, but it translates just the same. She sounds a little awed, and looks so adorable III wants to squeal like a schoolgirl.

"Can I take you home with me? The restroom doesn't seem like a safe place for you to live. I don't want to take you from your home though, if you'd prefer to stay."

"Will I have a place to spin my webs? Food to eat?"

III is nodding rapidly as they agree, "Yeah! I'll make sure of it! You'll need to stay in my room most of the time though. One of my boyfriends is afraid of spiders. He's been working on it but still freaks out when he see's one. It's not your fault though, or his. He's making an effort to get over the fear for my sake." III gushes, pure adoration shining in his eyes as he lifts Kiwi up and let's her hide in his hair.

It tickles a little as she moves around, "Just stay hidden in my hair for now! I'm so excited! You're such an adorable new friend!"

"Your mate, he will not hurt me?"

III's eyebrows raise in surprise, "Mate? Well, I suppose that's an accurate term. No, II won't hurt you. He's more likely to run away or freeze in place. Vessel won't hurt you either, he's too gentle hearted."

"I will take your word for it, friend."

III could cry. This is the sixteenth greatest honor he's ever been gifted. A spider has just reciprocated their friendship. He can't wait to tell II and Ves, even if they know II will be a bit... scared, to put it lightly, at the mere mention of a spider. Maybe he'll wait until they're leaving the aquarium.

He would just have to keep Kiwi in his room, to keep II from seeing her and passing out on his floor or something.

Getting drinks is easy, aside from the long line. II tugs sporadically on the bond in question, anxious for their return, and it leaves a smile permanently etched onto his cheeks long after he orders. There is relief, too, as Vessel's end of the bond loses it's harsh, overstimulated edge. Tugging back is second nature, and each time he is met with II's relief and a heavy dose of love down the bond.

III returns to II holding Vessel in the air by his waist, absolute elation flooding the bond like the waves of an ocean. II has a wide smile on his face, Vessel much the same, and III wishes he could take photo's with his eyes.

"And you said no PDA when I wanted to give you kisses on stage!" III calls, grinning widely, drink holder in hand.

Vessel blushes up to his ears as II puts him down, pulling away and fixing his facemask. He remains close to II's side, holding his new plushies still. He's so fucking cute, III feels he will burst at the seams with his love. 

"I told you I have to concentrate. Besides that, we're as away from other people as we're going to get and you didn't hear what he just called me. You'd want to kiss him senseless, too."

"What did he call you?" III asks II, curious blue eyes sliding to try and catch Vessel's evasive gaze.

Vessel can't bring himself to speak, a conflicting mix of nervous and embarrassed. "Come on, sweetheart, he won't be upset." II gives Vessel a reassuring smile.

III starts handing everyone their drinks, and when Vessel takes his, he speaks in the same fashion he had with II mere moments before, "Thank you, beloved, I appreciate it."

III freezes, wide eyed as a grin twitches onto their face. Then, he doesn't do anything. Just stands there, drink in hand. Vessel would have thought he'd done something wrong if the emotions coming from III's bond weren't complete and utter love and elation.

"I think you've broken him, sweetheart." II's teases lightly and Vessel is struck by a mix of worry and mirth.

"I didn't mean to. I wouldn't have said it if I'd known they'd react this way." Vessel replies, unsure, pulling his plushies closer.

"No!" III practically shouts, and it's so sudden Vessel steps back out of instinct.

III's smile is still bright, the blissed daze he'd fallen into slipping away so he could grasp at some amount of coherency after Vessel short circuited their brain. He steps forward, handing his drink to II who takes it with a small smile, "No, Sugar, I'm so happy with that nickname! I want to hear it everyday for the rest of my life! You're absolutely adorable."

Arms wrap around Vessel's torso, III pressing in so close. The only thing that keeps their chests from meeting is the plushies Vessel still holds. Vessel smells of the ocean, something like the salt on a gentle breeze. It's a scent III has noticed before, but it's stronger here, in this place, where the scent can be given a proper name.

III wants to hug him, pull Vessel close and meld into one. He wants to know why Vessel won't allow them to hug him, why he is so adamant they remain far away from his neck and chest with few exceptions. He wants to ask, to know, but neither he nor II will dare.

Vessel has allowed so much, told them so much already, shared painful secrets. If there is something else he is hiding, there must be good reason. III just hopes it isn't something that will hurt Vessel in the long run, hopes one day Vessel will tell them.

Kiwi chitters in III's ear about how cute his boyfriend is, and III wants nothing more than to shout it from the rooftops because it is the truth and he needs the world to know. Kiwi moves around in III's hair before he can't feel her at all, and internally, III panics, afraid she has fallen. 

"Make sure II doesn't see the little spider." Vessel mumbles, breath cool against III's ear, close enough for III to feel the way his lips brush against the sensitive skin.

When Vessel pulls away, III's face is bright red, pupils dilated as he see's Kiwi hanging off of one of Vessel's braids, thankfully at an angle II can't see. Despite his flustered state, III nods as if nothing is wrong, as if Vessel's pretty voice in his ear didn't send blood straight down to his dick. Reluctant to let him go, but knowing it would only make Vessel uncomfortable to continue holding on to him, III lets their arms fall back to their sides, taking their drink back from II. A sip is taken, and III groans.

"This is the best matcha iced latte I've ever had! Surely I would remember that much. You've got to try this, Ves! I got you the same thing. Oh, and a dark chocolate frappe for Two, I thought you might like it because it isn't super sweet-."

While III distracts II with talk of their respective drinks, Vessel tells the little spider his name, even if he isn't sure it understands him. A gentle hand reaches up to fiddle with one of his braids, Vessel trying to discreetly move the little spider somewhere II won't see it. It's a cute little thing, waving up at him happily. Vessel moves it to the pocket on his loose shirt, letting the spider slip inside. Vessel finally takes a sip of his iced latte, finding it to be a perfect amount of sweet and bitter, mostly sweet. He likes it, and wonders if they could get something similar in the city near the manor.

"This is really good, beloved, thank you." Vessel comments quietly, and is surprised when III steals a kiss.

They taste of matcha, like their drinks.

"Three! You little brat. Make that three days."

"Oh come on, Doll! Show me some mercy, he's just too fucking cu- Hey! Stop- Stop flicking me! I'm not a cat-!"

Vessel laughs, feeling light on his feet despite the tiredness dimming his brainpower. His bond, somehow, feels less weighed down than the others, and he knows he must have scared them badly.

They leave the aquarium in varying states of emotion after finishing some of their drinks. Everyone is a little on edge, the terrifying situation of having lost Vessel lingering like the rot of death, and yet time has passed, the tension fading away bit by bit. Guilt festers in Vessel's empty chest. Regardless, Vessel is still happy, so happy, but heavily bittersweet. He sips at his drink on the way to the car, holding the little spider in his hand, resting curled in his lap once they're on the way back to the hotel. III chats with II in the front seat, animated and full of energy regardless of the long day they've had. Vessel wants nothing more than to take a nap, exhaustion making his bones its home. His mind runs wild, thoughts swirling round and round. 

Today had been good, despite it's rough start and iffy middle. His first ever official date, outside of the manor, that is. He made mistakes, and the others didn't get too upset with him. He remained unhurt, only loved. Truly loved.

How was II to know that Vessel would grow nostalgic for the peace of the ocean, the moon above him, the fish swimming around him without care, and the way his mind and heart finally seemed to settle even as his body struggled for air.

Vessel still doesn't know how he survived that. He made sure the next attempt would be the last, and it had been. Until Sleep came to him, anyway.

Nick is watching television while simultaneously scrolling on his phone when they return to the hotel. He spares them a warm greeting, though he doesn't look up from his phone screen for long enough to really get a glimpse at any of them.

Vessel carefully avoids looking at him, once again nervous to be existing in his presence. If he looks at Nick too long he can feel the other man's hand on his shoulder, brushing against his lower back. It makes him vaguely ill.

They take turns washing their makeup off, III bemoaning losing such a pretty sight. Nick snorts quietly, lip curling. Only Vessel seems to have noticed, as is becoming a familiarity. He seems hyper aware of everything Nick does, something about the other man instilling a quiet, but building, fear in him. It's a recognizable feeling, but... Nick isn't like that. Like them. 

II spares no time for rest, beginning to pack their things without care for the time. He has clearly taken Vessel's request to go back to their manor seriously. The thought of going back soon becomes all he can think about, discreetly handing III the little spider and going to lay down. He curls around a pillow and wonders if his heart still beats while he is aw ay from it. Wonders how Elvira is doing, if Sleep misses him the way Vessel misses the God. 

Vessel wishes he had brought his new plushies inside instead of leaving them in the trunk, fearing losing them on the trip back and the stop they'll have to make at Nick's apartment.

"Going back to sleep already, Vessel?" Nick asks, his presence nearing.

Vessel's eyes shoot open, having not realized he'd closed them. Nick is beginning to sit on the bed, phone in hand as he mindlessly scrolls. Vessel moves to sit up so he can put some distance between him, but one glance from Nick has him stilling.

II and III are bickering loudly by the bathroom over III having lost something. Vessel knows III isn't used to having to keep track of their own things since the house always returns any lost items quickly, and would say as much if Nick weren't around. 

"Must be tiring third-wheeling their date, huh?" Nick snickers quietly, turning warm brown eyes on Vessel. 

Vessel winces, Nick's words like a dagger to the heart even if it is no longer in his chest. 

"You're not much of a socializer, it must've been so boring."

Anxiety begins to fester under Vessel's skin, a hand coming to rest on his ankle. Vessel wants to throw up, carefully hiding his emotions from the bond as III laughs about something or other.

Get off of me. Don't touch where Four had. Don't ruin the memory with your filth. Today had been good, please don't ruin it for me. I have so few good things.

Vessel is begging in his mind for Nick to go away. A thumb begins to caress his ankle, brushing over the tips of fading scars. He flinches away, curling into himself further. Nick grins, standing with a whisper that wraps thorns around Vessel's throat, "Not much of a talker, either. That's probably for the best." 

"Hey, Nick, have you seen Three's checkered socks? He's lost them." II calls, ruffling through III's duffel bag.

"No, I can't say that I have. Give me a sec, I'll help you look." Nick responds, walking away from Vessel's bedside.

The room isn't even big, and yet Vessel feels the space between them widening like a chasm, a welcome distance. 

"Was nice talking to you, Ves. Hope you had fun on your date." Nick's voice never loses its kindness, and Vessel's stomach churns, the itch for a blade building in his fingertips.

He turns onto his other side as he buries himself under the bedcovers, and wishes to go back to the manor where only the three vessels live. Where he doesn't have to see Nick more than a few times a week. Where Vessel feels safe. He promised II, he promised.

I promised, Vessel repeats, digging his blunt, human nails into soft skin and wishes to bleed.

[zomvom]

Zom’s ososan headcanons! :3

Just kinda stream of consciousness style, any may be subject to change, feel free to talk to me about your own hcs! :3c

This is a repost of my twt thread, I’ll list what I have down already, any new hcs or changes to previous ones I’ll just put in reblogs

These are all my personal headcanons! I kin ichimatsu so many of hcs for him are based off myself! This is just for fun but if you don’t agree with or like them that’s perfectly fine! Feel free to block or ignore me!

———

First things first I hc all 6 of the matsus as autistic and trans in some kind of way!

I think oso, kara, choro, ichi, and jyushi are all transmasc and todo is transfem! Transfem choro is also cute tho

Either way tho, none of them are neurotypical or cis!

Oso: He/Him trans man. Is currently on T. Prefers a binder over transtape cuz it’s less work but only wears it like half the time cuz he’ll often forget to put it on when getting dressed and it’s too much work to take his shirt off, put on his binder n put his shirt back on lol also he’s bi with a preference for women!

Kara: He/They trans man. Pansexual. Currently on T. Has gotten top surgery! Wants to get cool tattoos over his scars but is a wuss lol he also still gets a lil nervous bout shot day after all this time but puts on a brave face

Choro: He/She transmasc bigender. Omnisexual. Low dose T. Doesn’t bind all the time but prefers transtape over a binder when she does cuz it’s not as hot since he’s often wearing an undershirt anyway

Ichi: He/Him transmasc agender. Gay oriented aroace. Has gotten top surgery! Was on T for a good while but stopped for various reasons. Also prob has some kinda cat themed neopronouns just for funsies haha

Jyushi: He/Him trans man. Is on T. Who needs to bind or get top surgery when you can just hella work out? lol I don’t think he cares about labels but he’s def some kind of multisexual, maybe bi? Maybe pan?

Todo: She/Her and Fae/Faer trans woman. Is on estrogen. Bi with a preference for women

_______

Eyesight from worst to best!

Choro: very nearsighted! usually wears contacts nowadays but will occasionally wear his square/rectangle glasses to give her eyes a break. Still has his old round glasses from hs as back up tho

Kara: his vision isn’t as bad as choromatsus but it’s still not great! Farsighted. He refuses to wear normal glasses cuz he thinks it’ll make him look lame so his sunglasses are prescription instead, nobody knows that tho! Also has some form of strabismus, one of his eyes tend to move slightly inward.

Oso and Ichi: they’re both nearsighted and are at about the same level of vision. Neither of them are nearly as bad as choro and kara tho! Still, they would probably both benefit from glasses but choose to just live their lives a bit blurry lol Also ichi has visual snow! And while ichi is aware his vision isn’t the best, oso is oblivious and thinks it’s completely normal

Jyushi: also has strabismus! His is more noticeable and tends to move outward! but aside from that his vision is actually relatively good!

Todo: is the only one with 20/20 vision lol I feel like she would sometimes wear glasses just for fashion and choro hates it haha

———

Ichi has chronic fatigue, chronic pain, and pnes! (Psychogenic Non Epileptic Seizures)

I’m not sure if I want him to have exactly what I have in regards to his chronic pain condition, which for me is fibromyalgia, but I’ll prob end up going in that direction anyway since I project onto him so much anyway ya know?

His conditions affect p much his whole life as is the thing with being disabled haha but in particular it affects his sleep. He’s usually a p light sleeper and has a hard time falling and staying asleep unless he’s feeling completely exhausted from either his pain, or the aftermath of a seizure or whatever else, in which case he’ll knock the fuck out, and will sometimes sleep for so long and deeply he’ll scare his family into thinking his dead haha

His condition also often affects his ability to walk, so when he’s struggling he will use a cane

Unlike me tho, he doesn’t need it like all day everyday, only sometimes

Choro also uses a cane sometimes! He has a bad knee and poor balance which causes her to trip and fall a lot! His cane is his same color of green and while he does prefer the clean and sleek look, she does have a couple of little idol charms on the handle!

Ichi’s cane is either black or purple and is covered in various cat themed stickers with a couple lil things attached to the handle that he will use to play with neighborhood kitties!

Oso and jyushi will sometimes steal choro and ichis canes when not in use and sword fight with them lol

I can imagine when either ichi or choro first got their canes, oso in particular would playfully tease them and would use their cane to pretend to be an old man. The other matsus would also join in on the heckling such as todo calling either choro or ichi old men haha

Kinda going back,, when ichi had his first seizure, the others definitely freaked the fuck out. I imagine some of them prob would still panic when it happens at times but not as much. When it happens while they’re all trying to sleep, Kara will quietly help ichi n look over him till it stops, making sure he’s on his side n all that. I also imagine Kara would the most consistently remind ichi to breathe during a seizure and since ichi doesn’t like to make a big deal out of his seizures, Kara wouldn’t mention it to the others unless ichi brought it up first. (Ichi is thankful but doesn’t really verbally thank him often). Same goes for most of the other matsus if they’re alone with ichi during a seizure except for maybe jyushi who would blurt it out and sometimes oso unless explicitly told not to mention it. And prob right after the first seizure, todo researched what to do during a seizure and taught the others what to do so everyone was better prepared for next time.

Going back to ichis chronic fatigue/ poor sleep,

He either sleeps like 2 hours or 15, no in between lol

Oso doesn’t have chronic fatigue but he is really bad at maintaining a consistent sleep schedule so he and ichi (and sometimes the others) will often hang out and go on late night adventures, resulting in them both sleeping in way too late n getting scolded by either choro or matsuyo

———

More general sleep based stuff:

Ichi is a side sleeper n likes to be super curled up, he is shrimply kitty, he cannot change this. Kara is a back sleeper mostly, cant stand being too warm and prefers cooler or thinner blankets. Todo flip flops between back and side, is a pretty quiet, peaceful sleeper. Oso is kinda all over the place, flip flops between back, side, and belly a lot and likes to either be spread out or cuddling smth. Choro also flip flops between back and side, doesn’t take up a lot of space. Jyushi is a back sleeper and always very spread out

I can see them all snoring at least a lil bit except for maybe choro. I think it’d be cute if todo had like a baby snore and ichi had that classic cat snore. I can def see oso being loud tho

Poor choro being sandwiched between the two that take up the most space, move the most, and prob the loudest lol

———

Jyushi is usually very intense when he stims, lots of physical/moving stims! Definitely hand flapping, rocking, sometimes spinning, etc. I think he does his bat swinging, and mimicking of baseball terms n such as special interest centric stims. Plus his “HUSTLE HUSTLE MUSCLE MUSCLE!”

I think he also really likes deep pressure! Likes to be wrapped up n buried with blankets, and clothes n such (+ the warmth is nice since he doesn’t have great temperature regulation)

He would love a weighted blanket haha, and I think, while he’s not really a huge hugger most the time, he would sometimes ask for tight hugs from his family, or just have them like lean or straight up just lay on top of him haha

Also likes to chew! Seeing as how he’s often chewing on his brothers heads lol he would prefer a really hard/tough toy to chew on. Any thing softer, he chews straight through em

Kara loves anything shiny/sparkly and colorful! He also likes the texture sparkly things/ things with sequins often have,

I also think he would like space and ocean themed things cuz blue and pretty haha

I think he would have jewelry he would play with like rings or necklaces, such as running his fingers along his necklace chains or maybe a spinner ring or something small with intricate details/ rougher textures he could stim with

I imagine something metal/ silver maybe in the shape of a skull! Not sure what tho.. maybe a keychain? A necklace? Just something he keeps in his pocket?

Choro loves like cool lights/glowy stuff esp if it’s related to his special interest(s) ie idols! I think she also really likes clicky noises like a keyboard or switches! I think he would def carry around at least one fidget to help with anxiety but I feel like she would maybe be torn between his toys being colorful/related to her interests or being like subtle and “adult” looking ya know? I also think he’d get kinda self conscious about doing raptor arms or just feel like “what do I do with my hands” n developed a habit of putting her hands on his hips instead haha, I also think choro has a picking habit and uses picky pads to try to avoid picking at his skin and while it’s not as bad, Kara also still feels the urge to pick sometimes from when he had bad acne so choro turned him on to picky pads n she will use the beads to make kandi! But also sometimes she’ll get so caught up in just wanting to pick out and organize all the beads, hell get too focused on a pad and won’t have one for when she actually has the urge to skin pick. Also choro would love a busy board with all the flashing lights n clicky switches haha

Todo is a big visual stimmer! A bit too self conscious most the time to more openly stim in front of most ppl so she watches a lot of like stim boards and “satisfying” videos on her phone and maybe like very specific asmr videos. Her physical stims are a bit more “subtle” like very light rocking, kicking her feet, tapping her foot, using her face roller, playing with her hair, etc. I think she also chews but she doesn’t think it’s cute enough so she tries not to do it and will kinda gently chew on the inside of her lip or tongue or use gum or smth. Definitely prefers much softer chews than jyushi! Also think she likes to do the pop sound with her mouth sometimes

Ichi loves soft fuzzy textures and likes to pet and rub them whether it’s a cat or an inanimate object! He also really likes somewhat squishy things, think like paw pads, that he can squish in his hands! If it’s something bigger like a soft blanket or pillow or smth he likes to kinda knead it. He also likes pain seeking stims esp when hes having sh thoughts and will use things that are sharp and pokey but can’t do any actual harm like acupuncture rings or smth n he will keep like a mini squishy or acupuncture ring in his hoodie pocket to mess with. He also likes bubble wrap n pop fidgets! He likes the sound and the feel of em. I also think he has a bit of a picking issue too and will steal Kara’s like half done picky pads and then leave the beads for choro in places he knows he will find them like a cat leaving “presents” haha, sometimes choro will literally wake up with a lil baggie of beads on her and he’s very confused by it, she has no idea where these lil baggies keep coming from lol. I also think ichi uses his finger as like a worry stone of sorts and will rub his thumb on the side of his finger between the knuckles sometimes just cuz, sometimes to calm himself! Also purring! He likes to purr! He’s so kitty brained haha

Also also he likes to mess with lil bits a trash like paper clips, straw wrappers, bread ties, etc. with like straw wrappers he’ll turn them into like lil stick figures n stuff

Oso doesn’t really notice for himself when he stims! At least when it comes to his physical stims. His lil nose rub thing for example! N Unless hes like actively doing something, if he’s still for like 5 seconds, he’ll just start swaying or rocking back n forth whether he’s sitting or standing. He also likes to be upside down sometimes, just doing that weird upside down sit he does n will like sit on the couch upside down. Also he finds anything that goes really fast or spinny or like colorful flashing lights really captivating, reminds him of pachinko n the races haha

I think when has the urge to like fidget he will steal his siblings stuff instead of just getting his own. I can see todo or somebody buying one of those pop it games n oso stealing it n playing it way more than whoever bought it in the first place haha ichi would also use it sometimes but would prefer the sound effects off

Also I think oso is a big vocal stimmer! Lots of weird lil noises, mimicking of words/phrases, humming, etc. when somebody points it out or asks him to stop he likes to fuck with them n act dumb like “huh? What? What noise? I didn’t say anything. Are you hearing things? ……………… *does it again*” lol I also think when todo does her lil pop sound oso will do it back and things like that will sometimes spread to the others and even matsuyo and matsuzo occasionally n then they’re all just mimicking the same thing, flock of seagulls from Nemo typa behavior lol. Oso also sometimes mimics peoples hand gestures n body posture while they’re talking, sometimes on purpose, sometimes he doesn’t even realize till they point it out, either way it annoys the fuck outta ppl n he finds that funny haha. Oh I forgot but oso also has an oral fixation but uses food instead of toys or gum, bro is snackin all the time haha

———

Couple quick lil ichi hcs: ichi wasn’t really a fan of bugs for a long time (didn’t hate them but was still grossed out by them) but then he started noticing how cute and cat like some can be and now he’s a big bug lover! Moths and spiders are his favs! Cuz “fluffy” and cute mostly lol and when I say spiders I’m mostly thinking jumping spiders but I think he’d also like bigger and “scarier” spiders too) also also! 2nd quick ichi hc! He’s very light on his feet and will often scare ppl (usually by accident) by just kinda appearing by them and his family gets mad at him for “sneaking up on them” and will yell at him to wear a bell in like a half joking way but then eventually ichi does start actually wearing a lil bell (maybe a bracelet?) either of his own volition or bc his siblings made him lol Either way, it doesn’t bother him much to wear it cuz it makes him more kitty like and if he wants to be quiet he could just take it off lol

[artiskraa]

drew dick based off this one pic i saw in a twt thread

[patchesjam]

I don’t know what happened, I used to be a huge Ranboo fan and now I try to avoid him as much as possible because I just can’t fucking stand the kid.

Like that circle of creators are so damn annoying, everything they do/say is grating to my ears and I feel like they have such a high and mighty pretentious attitude about everything I just can’t deal with it.

I thought for a while it was the community that surrounds them that ruined it for me, but inniters never turned me off of Tommy, so I don’t know.

yeah anon u read my mind. i was never really into ranboo, but i enjoyed the mcc he and dream was together and loved the one stream they did on the dsmp with foolish too.

but like... i just have zero respect for people who cannot acknowledge where they got their audience from or treat the audience with respect. ranboo not mentioning the dsmp ever and finishing his lore off with an unannounced twt thread and sneeg who after begging to be on it for 2 years straight has now returned to the 'mc is cringe!!1!!!'

i cannot stand the tiktok humor. whatever tubbo said about people who arent funny only quote tiktoks was the most based thing hes ever said

[patchesproblem]

hey its the brick cocaine anon again no pressure whatsoever to respond. I'm just a beta male and can't interact publicly on twt Your mini Einstein/Tesla historical facts thread inspired me to add that Einsteins irl wife was also serbian(Mileva Marić) and that she was also a scientist much like Tesla himself I KNOW ITS A FAR FETCHED REACH but its a silly coincidence to me how in every universe (irl lame beta male Einstein + cute anime lesbian Einstein) Einstein has a thing for. serbian scientists specifically Its meant to be anyway sorry for atism

I want it to be known that I'm going to refer to you as the brick cocaine anon now. I'm sorry for it being your new name, but it's law now /lh/j/nm

FUN FACT!!! Writing this after AFTER the fact but Frederica Nikola Tesla shares MORE SIMILARITIES WITH MILEVA THAN TESLA HIMSELF

SO I started looking into her more and I've learned some very interesting things! I'm shoving this in after the fact before posting this and I can't be bothered to rewrite the next few paragraphs so sorry about that.

Welcome to history lessons with Tes! I'm your host, a mentally ill person who likes history and gets way too invested in dumbass things.

IRL Deadmen / Dead woman under the cut / similarities between Mileva and HI3 Tesla.

So this got me looking into her more out of curiosity, and I've learned a few interesting things.

So when writing Einstein, Planck, Karl, Schrodinger, and Edison they based their relationships off of how they actually viewed each other in real life.

Emma Planck = Max Planck

Karl Gustav = Carl Jung

etc. etc.

HOWEVER.. Tesla's a huge exception to this. Yes she was inspired partly by Nikola Tesla, however she actually takes way more inspiration from Mileva Marić than Tesla himself. Tesla was actually a very.. Interesting man.

Actually for the most part the main things they really took from irl dead man Tesla was his engineering skills, relationship with Edison, and the fact he felt humiliated and insulted by humanity, though that's a HEAVY stretch. I only bring that up since she's often clowned on for her experimentation, which will come up later because she shares that trait with Mileva.

I spoke about this on twitter, however the real Nikola Tesla and Albert Einstein actually did not care for each other. Tesla was a hater and was critical of EVERYONE. While Einstein had met with the others on multiple occasions, there's zero recording of Einstein and Tesla ever meeting. They didn't care about each others existence At All. It's possible they met due to the short distance between them, however again it was never recorded. I doubt they'd go out of their way to meet each other either honestly.

So in HI3 Tesla and Einstein met through Emma Planck, this is paralleled with Mileva and Einstein meeting through their schooling as well.

The two met and became Extremely Close Extremely Fast. She'd often study with him in private since he didn't particularly like attending lectures. They were inseparable as well. And well we know how Tesla and Einstein in HI3 are. In their letters there's a constant theme between them missing each other and them working better together.

Mileva excelled in experimental work, similar to Tesla. Einstein was also the only one to get his degree. Mileva never got hers just like Tesla. Even their ages line up (Mileva being 20 and Einstein being 17).

However, their similarities really end there for both HI3 Tesla and Einstein. The rest of the story is just. Depressing and fucked up, similarly to how every woman in history was treated. She got fucked over by him and was erased from history while he took the credit for her work. It's sad, honestly...

TLDR; Frederica Nikola Tesla shares more in common with Einsteins wife than Nikola Tesla himself. This is more than likely because they're HEAVILY implied to be in love (VN lines, as well as lines from IN GAME)

Idk I just find this interesting honestly.. It's funny how they took more inspiration from Einsteins first wife than the man she's named after. Especially with how they refuse to confirm them in game and prefer to make continue the implication that she's dating the child she raised since he was 8 lmao..

[jonginnation]

I got locs a few years ago and I’m so happy I did. I’ve never been more happy and carefree with my hair. Not even when I had it cut super short and use to do wash n go style everyday.

Anyway, I randomly landed on a natural hair care thread on twt recently. I have not paid attention to the natural hair community since I got my locs (I unfollowed all the people I use to watch their content). But yeah, I was on this thread and all the latest most popular recommendations are totally different from what people were saying 3-4 years ago. But what wasn’t different was all these women feeling frustrated and that they didn’t know what to do based on the advice that was given or it wasn’t working out for them.

Some of the responses to people’s questions were so petty and mean spirited… it really made me sad to see. For years regular folks just been listening to what these natural hairstylist and natural hair influencers have advised. And try to make their own natural hair journey. These guys flip the script and say they have new things to teach and educate the community. They don’t explain anything, but then snap at people who ask questions or who seemingly are still following what was trendy to do a couple years ago. They were just so off putting, snotty, and egotistical.

Anyway, I’m glad after a lifetime of struggles with my hair that I found something that works for me and I am so happy I no longer need to be in that space and told that I just did xyz wrong or don’t know what I’m doing when I say some routine doesn’t work for my hair. As far as I’m concerned there’s no one routine that works for all natural hair and it really bothers me to see people being told they’re just dumb and can’t follow directions if some hairstylist’s recommended routine didn’t work for their hair.

[zantedeschia-praesul]

//initially when i wrote the "Metallic-tasting Liquor at Night" the inspo was from Rurouni Kenshin where Kenshin during his Battousai reign has a problem where he keeps tasting off things in his sake, particularly bl00d due to his being an assassin and all

the metallic characteristic i went for is mostly literal metal smell from knives and other metal stuff etc but it just dawned on me that in one of my older rp threads on twt, how Saseki was cursed was literally because he offered sake to a stranger (who turned out to be the deity who cursed him), and the second round where he encountered said deity, he was made, while in a trance, to drink sake that was only meant for the gods (or rather the deity made him drink through a kiss 👁️)

So on days when his sake tastes metallic, that was when he's supposed to be careful of his own power and the curse itself, or he'll end up being very susceptible to things that might occur if he "answers" anybof his toudan's emotions.

Him drinking is pree much based on RNG luck at this point my poor guy 😭

[ailee-art]

Haha thank you~ And no worries!!

A-han and Xiaozhe are both from Jade Dynasty. A-han is a koi spirit and xiaozhe is a lotus spirit. Zhang Zhehan, as you know, plays both of them in the ads, and their names are based off him (obvs haha)

They are actual characters in the game! They have their own story and everything. Someone actually wrote about it on tumblr, so I will just link that here if you're interested (it's not terribly long)

And here's a twt thread about it

There's also these cute little character cards.

Dashixiong is from another mobile game called Tian Yu, and is played by Gong Jun in the ad. He doesn't have as much of a story as the other two though, and he's never actually given a name, hence why he's just "dashixiong". That part can get a bit annoying and awkward sometimes tbh hahaha. But we manage. (Though a couple ppl have proposed naming him 'Long Jun' which.. is a multi-layered pun 🤣)

Also in CN fandom I think some ppl just call him Tian Zhao, which is actually the name of his sect lol.

As for their connection. The tl;dr is it's a crossover ship. They are a part of what some fans call the Junzhe Extended Universe (jzeu) Basically zzh and gj's relationship and chemistry is just so good, some of us went "I'm going to ship them in every universe"/ "I want this again, but different" and proceeded to ship all their other roles with each other. 🤣

(It's a very fun sandbox to play in! I have so many emotions about these ships!! The stories people have written are just incredible. Whole novels worth sometimes, it's amazing.)

These three together are usually called Mobage (jp for 'mobile game'), though we sometimes call them LongLianLi (LLL), which just means dragon/lotus/koi.

If anyone is interested in checking it out further, we currently have 19 works for them on ao3, and there's a jzeu twitter account where you can find intros for each ship and collections for their various fanworks! You can find the mobage one here.

Xiaozhe in a-han's clothing 👀

[hajimariwaquartet]

Summer Troupe Constellations from Last Planet

this was written during the last planet countdowns, but i figured i'll put it here too bc i like astronomy :D (and the fact that twt is having an apocalypse)

original thread

kumon as del(phinus)

this constellation forms a dolphin. the name is derived from the latin version of the greek word for dolphin. the shape of the constellation also reminds me of a keyhole.

yuki as link

the name is probably derived from lynx, which is also called the cat (remember that yuki's first lead role was a cat). the shape of the constellation also reminds me of the skirt hem of yuki's costume.

kazunari as aquila

this constellation means eagle, and it represents the bird that carried zeus'/jupiter's thunderbolts! this can be alikened how aquila (probably) leads the rest of the team through the universe using his mathematical calculations. interestingly enough, it's also at the celestial equator! its brightest star, altair, is one of the stars the summer triangle asterism.

tenma as leo

this is where the astrology leo (lion) is derived. the shape of the constellation also resembles tenma's pose in the pic.

muku as orion

this constellation forms a hunter, which is based off the greek story of zeus putting the hunter orion in the sky. this is one of the easiest constellations to spot to the naked eye, thanks to the three bright stars that form the belt. it is also visible across the seasons. the shape (if you remove the arms) resembles a keyhole too.

misumi as trill

the name is probably derived from the trianglum constellation (and it's southern counterpart: triangulum australe). fun fact, trill is also a musical term, and it can be best described as a wiggly sound. it could also be a play on thrill, since trill is a treasure hunter.

Bonus!

all of the constellations mentioned are in the northern hemisphere! they all come as a pair too, based on the quadrants assigned for them!

[onigiri-dorkk]

Season 4 Headcanon Rewrites!

I posted on twt and it ended up being a really fun thread about how my headcanon(s) based off of how Microcosmos ends plays into Season 4/Marley arc and beyond!! Yesterday I spent time rewatching parts and I got sooo giddy and excited because of these thoughts.

This post will contain my fanfic spoilers:

Basically, at the start of Season 4, Levi and Mikasa are now essentially engaged and hoping to wed someday after the war :') Unfortunately, they still have to go out to Marley to battle, retrieve Eren, and even after all of that they'll still need to deal with the actual events of war that we all know follow. Despite that, viewing them as fiances is actually really damn FUN

My first headcanon is that Levi kicking Eren in front of Mikasa again is EXTRA personal. Not only did Eren force them to come back to Marley again just weeks after Levi and Mikasa went back to retrieve him, Eren also demanded the other Scouts to come, which resulted in many Scout losses. Eren is also the one who forces them to work with Zeke, who had tormented Mikasa in Marley. It's pretty much a big "fuck you, Eren, for all of the inconvenience you cause to my betrothed and I"

Then we have these scenes of Levi fighting alongside the Scouts and demanding them to simply live. There are thousands of reasons why this is one of my favorite shots/moments of Levi, but with the new headcanon, you can feel the desperate hope Levi holds onto -- the hope for a long future with Mikasa. ;-; In my final chapter, he talks about how the reason why he can do this -- attack inside the Internment Zone, knowing there are innocents there, work alongside Zeke who he HATES, etc -- is because he wants to fight to have a safe life w Mikasa. So it just feels like there could be another layer of motivation for him to win and succeed. (Tbh, I can't see canon Levi actually being okay with attacking Liberio anyway)

Again, we see Levi is fighting alongside the Scouts there ^ but all of a sudden, Levi appears to slash the Jaw titan when it bites Eren! Mikasa was the one closely fighting and protecting Eren in canon here, so Levi showing up feels like he was watching over Mikasa's safety and task even while he was off fighting alongside the Scouts. We don't see their scenes together here BUT it's cool knowing Levi and Mikasa were directly fighting alongside each other again in this moment.

This is another fun headcanon I had that I almost wanted to write into my story at the end.

We know that Mikasa has been Levi's right-hand soldier since Season 3. She is his strongest, most reliable, most trusted soldier he has and they have carried out even the most deadly of missions together.

And YET... Levi is carrying out this mission with Zeke on his own (obviously with other Scouts, but you know what I mean).

I headcanon that the higher-ups no longer allow Levi and Mikasa to work closely together on missions anymore because of their relationship/engagement. It's why Mikasa isn't with him, despite again being his closest and best soldier. More so, I also headcanon that Levi would have refused Mikasa to be around Zeke, anyway, considering what Zeke did to her in Marley (my Ch13).

Going on, it gives Levi even MORE rage against Zeke, especially when he tortures the crap out of Zeke. Levi is already familiar with beating up a Jaeger brother for grievances against Mikasa lmaoooo.

He said "you torture my wife? I torture you back, bitch"

Then we get this scene... which implies Levi and Mikasa's first reunion since departing the Marley airship. I can see them being so so so emotional/holding back their tears as they enter the battle at Liberio. But I can also see Mikasa being EXTREME emotional at her first sight of Hange bringing her an injured Levi. Her fiance is brutalized; she (anyone, really) has never seen Levi this injured and hurt before and she realizes the war really did almost take away Levi from her. ;-; Levi is happy to be alive to see her again.

(Side note, I can see Hange saving Levi and he panics asking if Mikasa is ok, and Hange is the good friend who tells him she's safe, and wants to make sure she brings Levi safely to Mikasa as soon as possible... she gives them a moment alone when they reunite ;-;)

OK now skipping to the end...

All of the final battle stuff. BADASS SHIP STUFF. Like "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" vibes where the world's safety revolves around these two lovers. Final motivation to win the battle so that they can get married and live a long happy life together after all of it is done and over!!! It makes the Ackercare moments sweeter, and makes Mikasa saving Levi from the titan's mouth even more emotional.

Obviously... Mikasa wouldn't be putting on that damn scarf. She also obviously wouldn't be kissing Eren's corpse head LMFAO.

I imagine she'd have a short moment to pause and grieve Eren's death after cutting his head, but what snaps her quickly back to the present is her anxious self trying to get back to Levi (and the rest of the squad). Because who stays alive is more important to her than who died...

adjslkajdadlkjs

Isn't that fun though?! Thinking of Levi and Mikasa as fiances throughout all of this ;-; I'm CRYING! Maybe this delulu headcanon post is still my way of continually grieving the end of my story. I hate that I wrote this all out now though because now I want to dabble in scene rewrites as a mini-fic that would pair as a small series to Microcosmos... LOL idk!??!