#barbatos has snapped

[radarchives]

[zephyrchama]

Going to a restaurant with the cast of Obey Me! and the waiter asks, "is anyone in your party under 500? Beings who are five centuries and under eat for free."

The waiter glances at Luke as they say this but everyone immediately turns to you.

Mammon cracks up when the waiter brings over a high chair and you have to turn them down. Leviathan encourages you to at least take the booster seat so you can feel taller. Thirteen wheezes when they bring out the crayons and coloring mat, which you insist on sharing. You tell Diavolo not to get any funny ideas when the waiter bends down to speak with you at eye level. It's just standard protocol for this diner.

Mephistopheles doesn't understand the big deal. You're not even a century old yet, isn't this normal? Solomon, however, is trying not let his mini midlife crisis show. To Barbatos' delight, he's not getting the same treatment as you (despite also being human) and fears he might be starting to look his age.

Lucifer is visibly enjoying himself way too much and hasn't stopped sneering since you were handed a children's menu, which Beelzebub is excitedly cross-referencing with the adult menu that everyone else got. Raphael likes the little flag they stuck in your food. Luke is acting so smug and haughty that Simeon has to remind him to be humble.

Satan makes the unnecessary offer to cut your food into smaller bites because they only gave you a small plastic spork, while Asmodeus is busy snapping pictures of the chef's ketchup smiley face atop your dish. Belphegor warns you not to hurt yourself and asks if he should blow on your food, causing you to threaten him with the spork.

[bloomries]

yeah so my husband— my husband?!

includes : lucifer, mammon, leviathan, satan, asmodeus, beelzebub, and belphegor.

summary : calling him your "husband" (even though you two aren't married yet) to see his reaction.

warnings : gn! reader. mention of marriage. suggestive (in asmodeus'). the word 'husband' will begin to look strange bc it's used so much, apologies.

LUCIFER

You just meant for it to be a harmless little prank, something to tease Lucifer with later when you two were alone, perhaps gauge his reaction to the idea, but after you said 'yeah, so my husband...' Diavolo's eyes grew as wide as the moon and you instantly regretted your prank idea.

Diavolo clasped a hand on Lucifer's shoulder, beaming. "You finally asked!" This statement went over your head as you tried to quickly take back your words, Lucifer's blanched face making it clear he'll definitely be scolding you later. "But it seems I missed the wedding? Oh well, I'll just host you another wedding so I can see it for myself!"

"Ah, L- Lord Diavolo..." Lucifer sends you a glare as you smile sheepishly. "We aren't- I haven't-"

"How do you both feel about a chocolate fountain?" Diavolo is already off in his own little world, imagining how he'll plan out your wedding. Lucifer decides he'll inform Barbatos of the prank, and have Barbatos deal with it- Lucifer already has his hands full with you. He pulls you aside as Diavolo talks to himself.

"Do you see what you've done?"

"Sorry..." You fake pout, batting your lashes up at him. "My darling husband will surely fix it though, right?" Oh, how can he stay mad when he truly likes the title so much. Perhaps this will make asking you to marry him easier? You surely seem to enjoy the title just as much.

MAMMON

Mammon is always trying to listen in on your phone calls, he's nosy and likes to know all the gossip. Today in particular though, he's trying extra hard to hear, clinging to you and making you unable to do other tasks whilst on your call.

Deciding to tease him a little, in hopes of getting him off of you, you sigh dramatically into the receiver. "I'm sorry, my husband needs my attention, one second."

And when you look down at him, his eyes are wide and shiny, a blush quickly forming on his cheeks. Him? Were you talking about him? He's your husband? A giant grin takes over his features and it seems your little prank has the opposite effect you wanted, as he takes the phone from you.

"Yeah, sorry, their husband- that's me!- needs 'em!" He boasts proudly before hanging up the call and clutching on to you tighter, burying his face into your side, his grin not changing in the slightest.

You sigh, running your fingers through his hair. "Rude, I was trying to talk to someone, you know." Mammon shrugs, not a care in the world.

"'m your husband, I take priority."

"You know you're not officially my husband yet, right?" Shit, you're right. Well, that'll change soon, don't you worry one bit! Mammon knows how to take a hint, and there'll be a ring on that finger soon enough!

LEVIATHAN

You and Levi were playing an online game, chat on full blast, when you decide to tease him- because it's just so fun to see his flustered expression, and you have an inkling that this'll give him some motivation for the game. "Ah, hubby, can you help me with these guys!"

"H- Hubby!?" Leviathan's neck nearly breaks from how quickly he snaps to look over at you, you seem unphased though by the phrase- as if it came so naturally. His heart skips a beat, his grip on the controller tightening. "W- Where are you, I'll come help!"

His gaming friends are all blowing up the chat box, some getting on voice chat just to ask what that meant- 'was Levi actually married?,' 'He was a husband?,' 'Since when!?,' 'Congratulations!,' etc.

Levi would have gotten more flustered, had he been paying any attention to said friends, but he's much more focused on proving he'd make an excellent spouse by rushing to where you were in the map and one-shotting all the enemies that surrounded you.

The battle is quickly won thanks to Levi, who puffs out his chest with pride. You lean over from your gaming station adjacent of his, and press a kiss to his cheek. "Thank you, hubby~" His cheeks grow a rosy pink, and he pulls his headphones off to give you a serious look.

"Let's get married."

SATAN

"Oh husband~" You call, "Can you help me get this book? I can't reach!" Satan peaks his head from around the corner to give you a questioning look. Who were you calling husband? He watches you struggle, leaning his frame against the door with his arms crossed over his chest.

"I don't remember proposing." Satan watches as you deflates from his lack of reaction to your prank. He sighs, walking over to you and helping you reach the book, tapping it on your head lightly before handing it over to you.

"You're no fun, you know that?"

Satan has a feeling this was definitely set up by one of his brothers, and he'll definitely be getting his revenge on them for making you do this (and for making his heart hammer against his ribcage uncontrollably). Still, he hates to see you upset in the least, so he lifts your chin with his finger and thumb and sends you that smile that sends shivers down your spine.

"Don't be upset, you'll get to call me husband soon, okay?"

And he truly did mean that, he already had a ring, which sat heavy in his pocket. He just wanted to make sure you had the most perfect proposal, something straight out of a romance novel- because that's what you deserve. Soon, soon you'll be able to lovingly call him 'husband' whenever you wish.

ASMODEUS

Asmo is live-streaming again, doing a little grwm-type video, with you off to the side/in the background. As he begins to do his skin care, he asks for you to take over and chat for a little while for him, so you peak your head into view and wave at his viewers.

"Hello everyone!" You smile, glancing back at Asmo who's behind you in the bathroom, doing his skincare. "My lovely husband is doing his skincare right now, it usually takes him about ten to fifteen minutes to complete it." You say, however you can see his head pop-up from the sink and he whips around to look at you.

"Husband?" He calls, and when you nod, confirming your words, he grins. "Oh my, is this a proposal?" He asks with a teasing lilt, and you joking go along with his words, nodding before reenacting the famous getting-down-on-one-knee. You open your hands as if you had a ring box, presenting it to him. He holds his hand out to you, "I do~" You pretend to slip a ring on to his finger and he admires the imaginary ring before leaning down to kiss you.

"Now," He pulls away, wiggling his brows. "Shall we get started on the honeymoon part?"

"Asmo, that's typically after the weddi-" Asmo reaches for his phone, waving and saying a little 'byeeee' to his followers as he ends the livestream with a giggle, throwing you a lil' mischievous smile.

"No harm in starting earlier, right?" And despite only being halfway through his skincare, and this not being a real proposal, the honeymoon was very nice indeed- he can't wait for the real one though.

BEELZEBUB

You had seen the trend, and wondered how Beelzebub would react. So, under the guise of trying some new food and giving it a review, you set up your camera and begin filming. "Hey everyone, me and my husband are going to be rating food from the new McDevil menu~"

Beel doesn't react at all, and you send him a quick glance before trying again- perhaps he didn't hear you? "I think the Sin-Fries are a solid 7/10, what about you, husband?" But again, he doesn't react to the word at all, instead giving his own rating for the new fries.

Is he really not realizing what you're saying? You decide to try one last time. "My husbands food always looks better than mine," You whine, peaking over at him to see his reaction, only to see him offering you a bite of his burger. You sigh, giving up and deciding to just enjoy your food. You take a bite of his burger, offering him some of yours. The review ends swiftly, and you turn off the camera.

As you two clean up from eating, you notice Beelzebub quieter than usual. You're about to ask him if everything is okay, his face becoming flushed, when he speaks up.

"Soon, okay?" You blink a few times, confused by his words. He bashfully looks up at you, and that's when you realize what he's talking about- marriage, he plans on proposing to you soon. Your own cheeks now grow unbearably warm. "I promise."

Your prank definitely backfired, as now you're the one trying to calm your racing heart (although Beelzebub is definitely just as flustered). Still, you're holding him accountable to his promise- soon.

BELPHEGOR

You're not sure how this little prank managed to get turned against you, but Belphegor has made it so that you're now his personal pillow- again.

"I'm just saying, if I'm you're husband, then that means you should let me use you as a pillow whenever I want." You open your mouth to retaliate, but he beats you to it, batting his lashes up at you. "Don't you want your husband to be comfortable?"

"I..." You falter. You regret deciding to call him your 'husband~' to try and get him to help you with chores. You thought maybe it'd motivate him, or maybe you'd just get to see his cute blushing face, instead you're suffering.

"Come on now, don't be shy~" He wiggles about, trying to grab you to pull you towards him, but he doesn't really exert enough energy to be successful. "Ugh, why... do you... do this... to me- to your darling husband!"

"You're anything but darling." You say, crossing your arms over your chest. "Last time I call you 'husband' or any term of endearment, I swear..." You grumble, turning on your heels to leave, disappointed your prank didn't work.

Belphegor grins, snuggling up to his pillow as he watches you leave. "That's what you think," he mumbles to himself, yawning, "when I finally get that ring on your finger, I'll have ya calling me husband again, just you wait~" He snickers, and a cold chill runs down your spine. You glance back to see him asleep, although you feel as if he's planning something- and you weren't sticking around to find out what!

[devildomwriter]

Fun Facts 801-810

• according to Luke, Raphael has excellent potion making experience. However sometimes his angelic powers influence the potions and they turn out incorrectly.

• In addition to cats, Satan also really likes hedgehogs and would like one as a familiar.

• Diavolo mentioned Leviathan was excited getting to dress up as a cat maid.

• Lotan’s card-art debut was in the background of the card Resentment Runs Deep.

• Unlike demons and angels, reapers don’t appear to have much more strength than humans do.

• Beelzebub doesn’t like wearing high heels because the heels always end up snapping.

• In the Idol AU, Luke and Simeon’s idol group name is Rengoku.

• Levi is currently interested in the anime “Herbalist’s Dairies” the devildom version of Apothecary Diaries and “100 Demons who really, really, really, really, really adore you” the devildom version of 100 Girlfriends who really, really, really, really, really love you

• Barbatos intends to open a Diavolo museum after Diavolo ascends the throne

• Solomon once had the secret culprit in a book spoiled for him after seeing a demon wearing a shirt with a quote by the culprit on it.

[harunayuuka2060]

WHB Series #1 (Cont.)

Gabriel: I see that you're alone.

MC: ...

MC: Congrats. You have eyes.

Gabriel: *immediately shows displeasure*

MC: Chill. You've just arrived.

Gabriel: A foolish human pretending to be god. I don't know how you managed to convince Raphael, but that's not important right now.

Gabriel: I will punish you myself.

MC: Would that be a wise decision? Let me remind you.

MC: I had you incapacitated for months. And I will do that again.

Gabriel: ...

Gabriel: *smiles* You didn’t think I came here alone, did you?

*Other angels showed up.*

Gabriel: You made a grave mistake of sending those devils away.

MC: Maybe? Maybe not.

MC: I just don't like getting bothered.

Gabriel: *has sensed something is wrong*

MC: *smirks*

MC: I was expecting you, Gabriel.

Gabriel: *magic circles started to appear around him*

MC: These angels are under your control. So let me borrow your authority for a moment.

MC: ...

MC: Die.

*The angels, in an act of self-destruction, snapped their own necks, resulting in everyone falling from the sky.*

Gabriel: How dare you...

MC: *nods in satisfaction* Not bad.

MC: I should thank Gusion for helping me with the calculations.

Gabriel: *tries to break free*

MC: Give up. It'll be useless.

Gabriel: AAHHH!

MC: *rolls their eyes*

MC: You're telling me you can't lock up this guy?

Belphegor: We were not expecting you'd catch him.

MC: Okay. Can't you make him sleep for eternity then?

Belphegor: Too bothersome.

MC: You're fucking useless.

Gabriel: I will kill you in the worst way possible...

MC: Shut the fuck up.

Beleth: ...

Beleth: Descendant of Solomon, won't it be possible to do the same thing to him?

MC: 'That'?

MC: ...

MC: I've already got one psycho. You want me to make them two?

Beleth: Would that be a problem?

MC: You're really trying your luck.

Beleth: *chuckles*

MC: ...

MC: *sigh* Make him drink the blood.

Beleth: *nods then approaches Gabriel*

Gabriel: What are you going to do?!

Beleth: You'll see.

MC: ...

Gabriel: *is on the floor, writhing in pleasure*

MC: ...

MC: Ew.

Beleth: *who is surprised too* Was Raphael like this when he drank your blood?

MC: Nope.

Gabriel: God... You've returned...

MC: ...

MC: I got myself another burden.

Andrealphus: I'll kill him for you.

MC: Calm down. As much as I hate this, I have to take this bastard to Gehenna.

Belphegor: Huh. How are you going to do that?

MC: *frowns*

Beleth: Don't do them like that, Your Majesty.

Karelphus: MC? You're leaving?

MC: Yeah.

Karelphus: I'll go with you!

MC: ...

MC: No. You stay here.

Karelphus: Why? I can be useful too...

MC: I know. But Niflheim needs more "responsible" devils.

MC: If only your king is not a deadbeat.

Belphegor: *chuckles*

Karelphus: ...

Karelphus: Once I become an adult, I'll follow you!

MC: Yeah, yeah. Sure.

Karelphus: *cheers up*

Gabriel: *still moaning in pleasure*

MC and the others: ...

MC: Beleth, you have a stapler?

Barbatos: This time it's Seraph Gabriel?

Foras: *nods* *displeased* And he seemed to enjoy it.

Glasyalabolas: This is bad.

Glasyalabolas: Looks like them being god could be true.

[aestrayla]

cherries or peaches? pt. 2 ft. obey me! datables

summary: do they prefer ass or boobs? ft. obey me! datables x f!reader

cw: HIGHLY suggestive, mdni, fluff??, pet names (sweetheart), fondling, groping, grinding/humping, semi-public but no sex, licking, stripping, MY HUMOUR..

word count: 1.4k

a/n: thank u so much for the love on the first part, im so happy to be able to write these hcs, they’re such a fun idea. i got a bit carried away and some of these turned into half-ish fics but i hope u enjoy this version just as much as the first ♡

haven’t read the first part yet? you can find it here ♡

diavolo loves ass. the end.

just kidding.

ever since arriving in the devildom, student council meetings had always been a bore to you. you were never able to understand the complex topics of the “worldly problems” discussed, which often led to you staring out into space.

but ever since you got close to diavolo, things had changed.

“keep it down, y/n,” diavolo whispered through clenched teeth, as he kept a beaming smile glued to his face.

you let out a peeved groan. how the hell were you supposed to keep quiet when he kept rocking you back and forth on his lap like this?

despite your squirming, his hands never left you as he pushed and kneaded at your ass under the table. his hard-on evident as it ground against your clit, eliciting hushed whimpers from your lips.

in many ways, doing this was beyond worse than just zoning out, one wrong move and the whole student council would probably never look you in the eye again.

to make matters worse, diavolo insisted that meetings can’t start unless you were up here, in his lap, at all times.

“dia, i can’t do this anymore,” you whimpered under your breath.

“it’s almost over soon, sweetheart. just a little longer ‘n then i’ll make you feel good, hm?”

it might not be obvious at first, but barbatos loves boobs.

hearing that he was the “greatest pastry chef in all three worlds” has always been something that intrigued you. it wasn’t until you tried them for yourself that you realised that this statement was far from being a lie.

it was only a few weeks ago that you asked him to teach you a few of his recipes, you had never seen so much delight in his eyes. “oh that would be great, y/n! i’ve always been looking forward to the day you’d ask me so.”

as you slam the door to the oven, a gust of the hot air blows against your face, “how long should these be in the oven for, barbs?”

“thirty minutes should be fine. do you mind adding some of that sugar over there into this bowl?” you set the oven timer to thirty minutes before scurrying over with a measured bowl of sugar, pouring it into the bowl of fresh cream.

“perfect, could you whisk up this cream for me while i go find the vanilla?”

“sure.” he hands you the whisk before poking his nose through the cupboards in search of vanilla.

as you were whisking, you let your mind wander. gosh, i can’t wait to try this when it’s done… but dang i lowkey wonder when he’s gonna let me in his pants already… a few wet splatters across your chest had snapped you back to focus, “oh shit— i spilt it on me!”

the clank of the whisk dropping to the countertop had barbatos rushing towards you.

“oh goodness me, you’ve made a mess!”

“i know… fuck i’m sorry. i’ll just get a tea towel and wipe—”

before you could finish your sentence, barbatos had stopped you. his body crowding up against yours as he leaned in. holding you by your waist, you could feel his kitten licks swipe against your chest, even reaching as far down to the cleavage of your boobs.

you started to feel hot and dazed as the sweet aroma drifted through the kitchen, while he started to suck harshly against your skin, fingers creeping up to caress your boobs. soft pants began to leave your mouth as his tongue worked across your chest, but before it could escalate any further, he had pulled away.

as he stepped back, wiping the corner of his lips, you were left completely flustered, “oh wow, the cream without the vanilla tastes really good, you might just have a talent for baking y/n!”

“uh-huh…” you muttered, staring at him dumb-found and wide-eyed.

simeon is secretly a big fan of boobs, so today was a big treat for him.

it was the weekend, he had scored a pair of free tickets to the amusement park, and of course decided to bring you along. it was a leisurely day however, the rides and attractions he decided to do were almost too tame for your excitement.

dragging him along, you spot an attraction that seemed to catch your eye. handing two tokens to the employee, you quickly rushed into the tank, simeon freezing, clearly stunned and confused about what was about to happen. “hey y/n, what’s going on?!”

taking a seat on the tiny platform you point to the target beside you, “can you hit a bullseye?” you winked.

the employee hands simeon a ball, “you’ve got three tries, buddy.” after a moment of hesitation, he throws the ball, hitting the center of the target with a loud smack.

you let out a small shriek before getting submerged into the tank of water. “oh my— Y/N!” simeon rushes towards the tank, quickly pulling you out from the water. you let out sharp breaths before giggling, “your aim is amazing!”

“is this your idea of fun?!” his hands reach up to hold both sides of your face, turning it from one side to the other. “you’re not hurt are you?”

you smile sweetly, flattered by his concern, “i’m fine simeon, it was fun, really.”

he sighs, “good, alright.” his eyes travel over your body checking for any scrapes before widening at the sight of your chest. the water had soaked your white shirt completely, revealing that you were wearing nothing underneath. your round nipples were perked up from the cold water while your shirt was clinging onto your wet skin.

gasping even louder than before, in a flimsy last-minute attempt to cover you up, he slaps his hands over each of your boobs and although it works in his favour, you couldn’t help but burst out laughing.

“don’t laugh y/n! we need to get you a new shirt, or at least a sweater!”

you pull him towards you by his collar, your lips mere inches away from touching, “so are you gonna help me take this one off first?” your purr.

his hands race to cover his reddened face, “w-wait that’s not what i—!” upon realising your boobs are on display again, he slams his hands back over them, “y/n!” he whines.

two hours in, and it was blatantly obvious to solomon that this tutoring session was going nowhere.

you weren’t understanding any terms or concepts of the topic at hand and with a week to go before your final, it seemed like solomon was more worried about this than you were. surely it isn’t because you’re too distracted sitting in his lap, right?

he clears his throat, “how about this…” you slowly lift your head up from the palm of your hands, clearly distressed about your upcoming failure. “for every question you get incorrect, you remove a piece of clothing.”

you raise your brows, intrigued, “and for every question i get right, you remove a piece of clothing?” you stare back at him.

“exactly, and for that answer…” he slowly shrugs off his blazer and places it behind his chair, “i’ll remove this.”

in hopes of this becoming a motivation for you, he began to quiz you with a mini questionnaire. “what are the three ingredients used to make the elixir of cerebral stimulation?”

you internally face palm because you knew jack shit about brewing potions, “uhhh… newt legs, unicorn hair, and frog mucus?”

solomon clears his throat ubruptly. “um, no. the correct answer is powdered unicorn hoof, bittergrass root, and caladrius blood.”

you look down in embarrassment before removing three pieces of clothing. only four minutes in and you’re left in nothing but your underwear and bra.

“last and final question, what covered the devildom when it was first created?”

“…darkness?”

“…unfortunately, that is incorrect. the correct answer is a forest.”

you groan. you haven’t gotten a single question correct and embarrassment was evident as your face was flushed. you turn to face solomon, “at this point, why don’t you choose what i take off?”

your pretty face staring up at him, teary and doe-eyed had him swooning. slowly standing up and pushing your back down onto the table, he stared deliriously at you. papers were scattered everywhere and textbooks were crumpled open. your legs were wrapped around his waist as his hands gently pulled the straps of your bra down your shoulders.

staring at your bare chest he murmurs, “i’m obsessed with these,” before diving straight in.

a/n: haven’t written in about 5 months so excuse how rusty my writing has gotten.. but nonetheless, thanks for reading this far, luv you all ♡

©2024 aestrayla. do not modify, copy, translate or share.

[koolades-world]

Hiya! Hoping you’re having a good day :)

Can I ask for the Obey me! Brothers and the side characters for how they’d react to a low iron MC who just faints in front of them?

For example Beel would give MC more snacks which are rich in iron along side all of his snacks, just making sure they’re getting their iron.

Thank you! <3

hello! yes, of course :)

enjoy <3

Mc with low iron who faints in front of the brother + side characters

Lucifer

he looks calm but he's so freaking out inside haha

he does know what he's doing though and he stays by your side until you come to again

he makes a rule for the house that every dinner cooked must have at least one iron rich food in it so you get some daily

Mammon

he's for sure panicked, because you're his human after all

he uses his own lap as a pillow for you while he waits for you to come back

after this, he's ten times more protective and practically never leaves your side. he's holding your hand a lot more with some vague excuse of protecting you haha

Levi

he's full on panicking

he does need someone to quickly snap him out of it so he can help you

past you knew this might happen, so you told him what to do, and once you're awake again, he thanks you and sends you lots of tips he found online for low iron

Satan

he actually catches you but he wasn't actually expecting you to have passed out

he's very put together and makes sure you're breathing before setting you down, head on his jacket so it doesn't have to be on the floor

once you're awake again, he's not pestering you, but he does ask you and make sure you're meeting your iron requirements. if not, he'll help make sure you do :)

Asmo

he's the type to scream and cause a scene

but, it gets you the help you need and when you wake back up, he's crying happy tears and hugging you

he makes sure you add irons pills to your supplement routine and that you won't be getting too much iron now thanks to that

Beel

he's concerned but he's oddly silent the entire time

he totally forgets about his food and watches over you carefully

when you're back, he digs through his snacks and finds one high in iron and actually saves all of those for you in the future <3

Belphie

he seems pretty calm, and he is, but a small part of him is panicking

but, he knows how to help you and he knows freaking out won't do you any good

once you're awake again, he helps to soothe any injuries you may have gotten and puts in more effort to ensure you're getting your needed iron intake

Diavolo

he really wished he was calmer throughout the entire ordeal, but he was very worried

he lets barbatos care for you and when you wake back up, he's by your side

he's already arranged an appointment with his doctor to make sure this doesn't happen again

Barbatos

he's very collected and knows exactly what to do

he elevates your legs and makes sure you're breathing until you wake up

after this, every time you come over for dinner, he makes sure all the food is iron rich and that it's something you'll be sure to ask seconds of <3

Simeon

another one who's very calm and knows how to help you

after you wake he, he makes sure you're not hurt after your fall

he has you rest for the remainder of the day so he can monitor your condition and feed you dinner

Luke

he's so so worried about you

he'll be right next to you the entire time, very close to crying

once you wake back up, he's hugging you so tightly and is finding ways to sneak more iron into your diet through the desserts he gifts you

Solomon

he's quick to use a spell to wake you back up

he arranges for someone to craft a quick bowl of fruits high in iron for you to snack on while he checks your vitals

you notice him keeping a much closer eye on you from then on, but you're not opposed to it

[the-fandom-is-now-my-life]

Hey >:) Just a thought I had while reading the child creator AU.

What if the child was actually on of the archons? like, would you imagine it being Zhongli or Venti? They be like:

Zhongli: I demand to know who the father is! *looking threadedly while holding his spear, ready to pounce at someone* Creator: *sweating and thought* It's you bu. *The other Archons arguing as to which mortal it was that laid their hands on their creator*

Creator: *looks at them, then looking at Venti* *Venti, catching the creators gaze, winked and took his tonged out, fully knowing he was the father but keeping quite. He wasn't that dumb.*

Anyway that's enough of me, bye!

Archon's son

WC : 1k, venti: 591 zhongli:594

(somehow they ended somewhat close! I thought zhongli would be longer by a fair bit)

Cw:

venti- nahida can see the baby kicking inside the belly (I heard some people feel it's like body horror so just in case)

Zhongli -reader passed out because of low iron, pica/eating rocks

I will admit that this is mostly centered around the idea that they do know that it's theirs or it's likely to but at the beginning there is something along the line of that, anyway, wouldn't it be fun if venti's child could change some features, one day he looks like you and the next he is his dad's clone

“Why is everyone so silent?” Venti fills his glass with some wine, the atmosphere thick enough to cut. You were hosting dinner in your serenitea pot, something informal and a thinly veiled excuse to strengthen links between nations, and somehow the papers written by your physician were next to the door long enough for both zhongli and the tsaritsa to read.

“Their situation implies that they shared bed with a mortal” the tsaritsa crosses her arms above her chest, the way her lips curved and the roll of her eyes show her distaste for the situation.

“If their grace wanted to be accompanied by a man shouldn't that be their choice?” Venti says out loud while feigning innocence “who are we even to judge that?”

“Surprisingly enough Barbatos does have a point, to react like this is to some extent patronizing” Nahida nods along.

“tsk!”

“They seem pleased enough with the current situation so I find no reason to meddle” Raiden speaks for the first time since being seated. As much as the tsaritsa would have liked to snap back at her, you appear from the hallway oblivious to their fight so she chooses to bite her tongue and hope you bring it up later.

“Aren't they fidgety…” Nahida mumbles softly as you pat her hair, the soft white hair mixing with her green streaks. Her head is resting on your lap as you drink tea, bright green eyes focused on the prodding against your skin, some kicks and punches from the inside.

“Mhm, I can feel it in my ribs”

“just one month more, your grace!”

“Never thought a child could be so similar to only one of their parents” Raiden watches the baby from his crib, a small wood cot that Candace sent as a gift from Aaru village.

“Well, to a certain extent I expected that” venti WAS originally a formless air spirit mimicking his friend's form, at first you didn't even think he would be able to reproduce, but here we are and hubris is your biggest sin.

“♪~~♪~” spirit form venti sneaked inside the nursery by the slightly cracked space between the window and the window frame, barely smaller than your pinky finger but just enough for him to slip inside.

A good thing of simply being a bard in his nation was the freedom he enjoys, he is known for his songs and how good they are so it isn't strange when you have him around your house or in your serenitea pot, the pretext that you enjoy music under the shadow of your garden and that your little clone gets lulled to sleep quickly by his soft tunes. Even then it would be strange for him to be around so often so sometimes he just settles for mixing between his son's plushies and watching him play around for a while, after all it isn't like he has anything better to do.

“!!” Swiftly he gets caught by his son's hand and thrown up and down like a doll. This wasn't as smart as he thought.

“Hello, baby” Venti babytalks the the 1 year old seated on the floor playing with stacking blocks when he sees him he smiles. As much as Venti loved the image he couldn't help but be slightly scared as when he opened his eyes they were now his exact same colour.

“Oh, sh-” next blink his eyes were your color, the sane he was born with “how about we make this our little secret we never talk about ever again?”

“Their condition isn't as dire as you are making it seem it's just-” Zhongli tries to calm down Raiden, who visited Liyue under the pretext of cultural exchange.

“It isn't dire? They almost passed out during a leisurely stroll”

“At most they might have gotten low blood pressure”

Baizhu lets your arm go to hush them a bit “they aren't sick, just pregnant and not eating enough iron. May I continue the check-up or do you wish to wait outside?”

“as I insisted, Raiden, their grace isn't ill, they are just pregnant, which falls under no criteria of sickness”

“I meant to tell this to everyone next month but I guess Raiden gets to be the second to know!”

“For one to be impertinent enough to dare bed their grace” Raiden snarls under her teacup, a frown on her lips.

“I must guess their couple must be Ill mannered and uncivil” the tsaritsa follows her idea, the rest of the archon were asked to visit Liyue sooner than arranged to receive an important and very unexpected news, even if they didn't wish to show you directly their discontent between them it was fair enough.

“Don't you seem too calm, Morax?”

“Not at all, I'm burning with hatred” he crosses his legs but makes the point of hitting his knee against the table “I'm so angry I can't even control my moves”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“i will be prescribing you with a herbal tea to ease the birth process, when you come out Qiqi should have them neatly portioned in the daily brew” Baizhu turns around to give Qiqi the list of flowers and roots and how much of each to put in little silk satchel. As he turns around to follow the examination he sees you close to the flowerpot on the desk and your cheek lightly swollen. A deep sigh leaves hus disappointed face, simply pointing to the pot “please, spit” and you do so, a rock falling back to the dirt. Even then Baizhu still looks disappointed.

“Didn't you tell me to eat more iron?”

“Not from dirt, my grace…”

“Then is iron ore fair game?”

“No… just simply no”

“He is a chunky baby” furina prods at your son's chubby cheek, before the time of delivery the doctors told you to expect twins but unexpectedly enough he was just a big baby around 4kg or 8.8lbs and he keeps growing as times goes.

“As heavy as a bag of stones!”

Lei headbutts your leg, his small hands scratching his scalp “please don't tell me you got lice, I told you to be careful” you settle your cup down on the table as you excuse yourself with cloud retainer, who visited to give you advice at childrearing.

“But I wasn't close to anyone with lice” quickly, your hands start segmenting his scalp looking for lice or eggs but there was nothing behind his ears or on his nape, but when you go higher towards his forehead you find two protrusions that made Lei push your hand away when touched.

“Ah? That does remind me back when Morax ripped his horn off during a fight, tte skin closed and we were so worried it wouldn't grown back, luckily a few months after a new one punctured the skin, even if he was so cranky like a child that season”

“And here I thought because he wasn't born with them he wouldn't get them”

“To suppress such minimal features shouldn't be too much work, even if this one thinks the child would prefer not to”

[another-lost-mc]

Imagine Vampire Lord!Diavolo receiving a sacrificial human as a gift. He's delighted but pretends to act horrified and sympathetic to the poor little thing's plight. Blood tastes horrible if the human is terrified. So, for months he lulls them into a false sense of security. Lavishing them with care, gentlemanly behaviour, and isolation for their safety of course!

Let the human delude themself into thinking they had a choice. Vampire Lord!Diavolo mouth waters at the thought of their favourite pet voluntarily offering their blood to him. By then, the trap has long snapped shut. Pleaseee we need more gilded cage, manipulative Diavolo because the potential is limitless!!

A/N: I might've gotten a little carried away with this one.

Vampire!DIAVOLO x gn!Reader, 2.3k words, nsfw, dark themes/content.

Content warnings: canon-typical vampire behaviour including biting/blood drinking, predator/prey dynamics, kidnapping, coercion, manipulation, implied isolation/imprisonment, minor violence, pet names, some sexual content.

more from the vampire!au

Vampire Prince!Diavolo who hosts monthly gatherings for the other vampire nobles. The abducted humans, like sweet sacrificial lambs, are brought to the castle for the vampire lords to prey on. It’s an archaic practice, but tradition is important to his people.

Vampire Prince!Diavolo who doesn’t usually participate in these events himself—Barbatos ensures that all the humans he needs for consumption are delivered to the castle dungeons regularly—but he catches a whiff of an unusual scent in the air.

Vampire Prince!Diavolo who finds you huddled at the edge of the room while several nobles leer at you, taunting you as they delight in your torment. Underneath the acrid scent of fear pouring off you in waves, he detects the hint of something scrumptious. It makes his mouth water and he’s overcome with the temptation to claim you for himself.

(He’ll need to do something about the bitterness currently tainting the blood in your veins if he wants to enjoy you properly.)

Vampire Prince!Diavolo who murmurs instructions to Barbatos and slips away from the party. He sits on his throne in the empty council chamber and waits.

Barbatos finishes his tasks and returns to the prince's side quickly. “Everything is as you requested, my lord.”

“And our guest?”

“Frightened but unharmed. It won’t be long.”

There’s a scuffle outside the door and then a loud, pounding knock. Two guards push the doors open and escort you inside. One of them shoves you forward and you stumble to your knees before the prince.

“Enough,” Diavolo orders as he rises from his throne. You try to crawl away from him, but you're paralyzed by fear. His impressive frame towers over you, and there’s an angry glint in his eyes when he snarls at the guards who skitter away with hasty apologies to their lord.

His face softens as he kneels down on one knee before you, hands held out in front of him as if to show you he means no harm. He’s careful not to touch you; you’re still trembling like a pitiful little mouse.

He almost feels guilty that you ended up here—a tasty morsel for beasts much stronger than you—but then he wouldn't have this chance to have you for himself, would he?

“You must be cold,” he says apologetically. The thin material of the simple robe you were given to wear—similar to the other human guests—leaves little to the imagination. Diavolo unclasps his cloak and drapes it over your shoulders.

You stare at him dumbstruck; you’re too scared to move, too scared to breathe.

He leans forward and scents the air discreetly. The foul stench of fear is stronger now, but so is the undercurrent of your natural scent. He bites the inside of his cheek to keep himself from licking his lips.

Vampire Prince!Diavolo who promises that no harm shall come to you, so long as you are respectful and follow the rules you are given. He insists that you’ll be given a spacious room of your own near the finest library in the castle.

(You don’t need to know that it’s his own private library in the royal quarters where only you and he reside.) 

Vampire Prince!Diavolo, who asks you to call him by his name, escorts you personally to your new room. He had Barbatos prepare this for you once he decided you would be his.

Vampire Prince!Diavolo who hopes you’ll appreciate the luxuries he’s giving you: a large bed with the finest silk sheets, a private bathroom, a writing desk and record player. There’s an empty walk-in closet that the prince intends on filling with tailored clothes to accentuate your lovely features, in all the colours he thinks will best compliment your eyes and complexion.

(You’ll be beautiful for his eyes alone.)

Vampire Prince!Diavolo who spends as much time with you as he can. He wants you to get used to his presence in the hopes that one day you'll crave his company instead of simply tolerating it. He makes time in his schedule so he can join you for each meal Barbatos brings to your room.

Your hand shakes nervously and the cutlery scrapes unpleasantly against the china plate. Diavolo pretends not to notice as he takes a sip from the chalice of blood he’s brought with him in lieu of eating food.

“If there are any particular foods you enjoy, please let me know. I’ll see to it that Barbatos prepares your meals especially suited to your tastes,” he says as he lowers his glass, licking a stray drop of blood from his lip.

You glance nervously at the glass in his hands and back up to his eyes, and you sit up in your chair like you're trying to muster enough courage to speak your mind.

(My brave little mouse, he thinks as he tries not to grin with amusement.)

“You’re not…you’re not going to kill me?” You guessed your true purpose for being here. Memories slowly returned to you of the night you were abducted, how a stranger’s whisper in your mind commanded you to sleep. You woke up here, surrounded by other scared humans like yourself and thrown into a crowd of vampires of all things.

You were certain you were going to die when you were nearly dragged from that ballroom by those brutish guards. You have no idea what a vampire prince could possibly want from you, except to kill you himself after he bleeds you dry.

Diavolo chuckles and shakes his head. His eyes glitter brightly with amusement, and he smiles when he raises the glass to his lips again for another sip. “If I wanted your blood, don’t you think you’d be dead by now?”

Dead like the rest of the humans you were brought here with hangs unspoken in the air between you.

You finish eating in silence as you contemplate his words. Barbatos clears the dishes away when you're done and leaves you alone with the vampire prince who seems determined to be your friend.

Diavolo stands from the table. “It’s a lovely evening, and the night-blooming roses in my private garden are exquisite. Would you like to join me?”

He holds his hand out to you; you hesitate for a moment before resting your hand in his. You see the tips of his fangs when he smiles.

You make very few requests at first, but as days turn into weeks, you grow comfortable in the new home he has made for you. You abide by his one very simple request: not to venture outside this wing of the castle.

(“For your own protection,” Diavolo told you in those early days.)

Your days are lonely but comfortable, passing by in a blur of endless books from the impressive library not far from your room, and the growing collection of new music for your record player.

Sometimes you wake up in the mornings and things are not quite how you left them the night before. You assume it’s the work of Barbatos, the only other vampire you’ve met since that first night. He tidies your room discreetly when you're in the library so he doesn't disturb you. He also passes his master’s greetings and well wishes to you each morning when he brings you breakfast.

“Do you clean my room at night when I’m asleep?” you ask him one morning before he leaves. “I feel terrible if that’s the case—you don’t need to do that.” You want to tell him it's creepy and invasive, but you find the vampire prince's butler even more intimidating than the prince himself.

Barbatos glances at you as he tidies your breakfast dishes on a tray, and he almost looks annoyed and surprised by your question. He huffs out a quiet sigh of exasperation. “It seems that my lord wants to ensure your comfort and safety, even in the darkest hours of the night."

Vampire Prince!Diavolo who dotes on you lavishly, who ensures everything you could ever want or hope for, is yours.

Vampire Prince!Diavolo who realizes that genuine feelings of affection have begun to bloom for you deep within the chasm of his hollow heart. He enjoys your quiet laughter when he tells you amusing stories about his fellow nobles, and he misses your thoughtful advice when he’s too busy with official duties to visit you.

The first time he has to leave the castle for an overnight excursion, he’s fraught with anxiety about leaving you behind.

He can’t bring you with him, either. It’s too risky—he doesn’t want any of the other lords near you. Your once-foul stench has dissipated over time, and the nectar flowing in your veins is starting to bloom like the aroma of the finest wine.

He comes to your room to say goodbye, but when he backs away towards the door to leave, you lift your hand like you want to stop him. The truth shines in your eyes when they mist over with too many emotions to name, and you choke out a stuttered farewell of your own.

(You’re scared of being alone for the first time since you were brought to this strange, dark place. You have no one else but him, and he knows it.)

He leaves the castle with a hint of a smile on his face, satisfied with the revelation that you are going to miss him too.

Vampire Prince!Diavolo who returns to you after only a few days apart, and you nearly fly across the room into his arms when he greets you warmly. He doesn’t disguise his longing for you, or his happiness to be with you again. (Have you always been this lovely?) He holds your hands in his as he inquires about your well-being. He sits next to you and answers your questions about his trip as Barbatos brings you tea.

Vampire Prince!Diavolo who scents the air while he visits with you. Your fear and sorrow has all but disappeared, leaving nothing but the fragrance of your delicious scent. It’s even better than he hoped for. He’s been so patient and waited so long for this moment.

Vampire Prince!Diavolo who reaches for your hand and strokes your wrist with his fingers as he leans closer to you. Your eyes darken with anticipation and your breath hitches, and his eyes dart down as you lick your lips nervously. He’s hungry for your blood, but he’s starving for the rest of what you can offer him—your body, your companionship, your unwavering devotion, your love. 

Vampire Prince!Diavolo who decides with absolute certainty to keep you by his side, the little mouse he shields from a world of monsters. Tomorrow will be a new beginning for both of us, he promises with a soft kiss against the back of your hand. His eyes linger on your neck when he pulls away, and you tilt your head slightly in submission.

Vampire Prince!Diavolo who wakes up in the middle of the night when he hears you shout his name. He rushes down the hall and into your room, and he sees someone standing near your bed. He grabs the disguised intruder by the throat and pins him against the wall, fangs bared menacingly for daring to touch you. When Barbatos arrives, he offers to take care of the intruder so Diavolo can take care of you. 

Vampire Prince!Diavolo who picks you up despite your protests and carries you to his room. He tucks your head against his shoulder while he murmurs soothingly in your ear. He knows you’re not afraid, not anymore. In place of fear, all he can smell is your gorgeous aroma, laced with gratitude and love because he came when you needed him most.

(The intruder tried to convince you he was saving you from the wretched prince, but you don't want to be saved—not anymore.)

Vampire Prince!Diavolo who lays you on his bed and holds you close, but your hands fidget nervously against his bare chest. Your eyes are blown black with lust and he can’t resist kissing you, not when your lips are so close to his.

(His little mouse looks even better trembling with desire rather than fear.)

Vampire Prince!Diavolo who covers your body with his own, and he sinks his cock inside you when he finally pierces your neck with his fangs. You clench your fingers in his back and his hair like you’re afraid he might leave you.

(He’ll never leave you, and he’ll never let you go.)

Barbatos sniffs as Diavolo walks past him into his study. His nose wrinkles at the overpowering scent of sweat and arousal and copper that clings to the prince. “I take it that things went well?”

Diavolo hums as he sits down heavily in his seat. “My little mouse is resting, but let’s make this quick.” He’s whet his appetite for your blood on his tongue and your body clenched around him, and he’s nearly overcome with how badly he wants more of you.

Barbatos leaves his office and returns a few minutes later with one of the vampire lords. “Lord Mephistopheles as you requested, my lord.”

Diavolo gestures towards the empty chair in front of his desk. “Sit down, Mephisto.” He leans back in his chair. “I hope I didn’t hurt you too badly, but it had to look convincing.”

(You'll never know the deadly consequence that awaited you if you failed Diavolo's final test of loyalty.)

Mephisto sits up stiffly in his chair. “Of course, I am but your humble servant, my lord. But if I may speak freely, your intended mate put up a more of a fight than I imagined.” He holds up one of his gloved hands gingerly. “I didn’t expect to be bitten by a human tonight.”

Diavolo subconsciously rubs over the slight indents of your teeth in his shoulder; you bit him to muffle your scream when you came on his cock. “Neither did I,” he murmurs, fangs bared when his lips curl into a wicked smile.

Obey Me! Masterlist

[weird-addiction]

“You’re all Demons. I rule you all.”

Summary: The Archons are not the most powerful, nor is Celestia.

Pairing: Genshin Archons x Male!Reader

Warnings: Slight SAGAU creator themes, manipulative reader, unhealthy power dynamics, controlling reader, Furnia slander

The creator is not one to be looked down upon. Yet, over the thousands of years, everyone and even the archons have forgotten them. No shrines, offerings or worshippers have been founded.

Well, they should know that the creator does not take lightly to what they have done. They have eyes everywhere, and knows everything that is going on.

“Pathetic pathetic pathetic! Such a bore!”, they said. His voice ran through the ears of the archons and the heavens themselves. “I give them stories, backgrounds, and such titles to use for a better Teyvat. And yet, they are so boring to not even use them! Ugh! Execution would have been better!”

His insults came one after the other, and the gods heard them all. “This throne is not for them. It is mine and mine alone.” Every word was heard the archons, well, almost every word. The creator chose what they can and can’t hear.

“Perhaps I should pay them a visit.”

And that is how they came to Mondstadt. Home of freedom and wine, ‘ruled’ by the Barbatos. But when he stepped into the city, he could tell the god has been slacking off. No rules, no disciplines, and no official government. Just a military force that can be called a military force.

He went to the acting Grandmaster Jean, who was stunned to see such a being. “Tell me, where is Barbatos. I wish to speak with him.”

“Y-you mean Venti? He’s probably at the Angel’s Share.”

To the tavern he went and indeed the bard sat, almost drunk out of his mind as he round after round.

“Venti is it?” The stern voice came. The bard was quickly shocked to his core to the same voice. “Mind if we have a word?”

Outside behind the tavern, Venti was on his knees. Practically begging for forgiveness. “Please! I’m sorry! I promise to-”

“To what? I barely see any shrines of me. Why should they worship you when you have abandoned your responsibilities? Should I send you back to the hells with you?” His voice stood with no room for negotiations or retaliations.

“No! Please! I’ll do better!” The bard begged. Tears were threatening to spill.

“Don’t forget from where you came from. You can change forms, you can’t change your eyes.” With a snap of his fingers, Venti’s eyes begin to burn. Black surrounded his pupils as he shut them in agony.

“That’s better. Your true colors are better.”

Venti bowed his head as he could do nothing but except the truths. The truth of his own freedom has been revealed for all to see.

“I have others to see to. Perhaps I should take a round trip to see all of them. See you my dear Zephyr.”

His next stop was Liyue, what a great city built on the coast. He had heard that their god was dead.

“What a load of bullshit. Trying to escape responsibilities to? Too fucking bad.”

Up on a mountain is where he found the retired geo archon. Or rather, Morax.

“Nice view no? Now I know why you liked building mountains so much.” Zhongli turned around to see the unfamiliar, his face said it all.

“Who are you? How do you know my identity?”

“Aw. Little pup. Looks like your leash needs a tightening.” He made a gesture which was pulling an invisible chain, which made Zhongli fall towards him.

“You…it’s you. Why are you here?” The archon’s eyes widen to the realization.

“I’m disappointed in you. No shrines, no worship, nothing in my name. Do I need to send you back to the hells? I would be glad to do so. The others are always asking ‘Where’s Morax?’ ‘Oh I wish I can play with Morax again. Where is he?’ Do you remember?”

A wide smile took his face as he saw the other’s face drop. He did indeed remember.

Zhongli fell to his knees remembering the years of torment. In his youth, he didn’t listen. “Please. Don’t. I beg of you.”

He tched. “Oh Morax. Don’t beg. It’s not a good look on you. I suppose you are retired after all, but you do have quite the influence no? Why not put that to use? Remember the contract you signed with me?”

Of course he remembers. It was the first contract he ever made. But he was one who signed it. To this day, the contract was kept under lock and key. “Yes…” Was all he said.

“Good. You can hide your identity, but you can’t hide your chains.” A snap of his fingers, shackles appeared on the archon’s wrists and ankles. Heavy like lead they were. Binding him down to earth, to his contract.

“Reminds me of old days! What joy! Say hi to the adepti for me! I’m sure they missed me oh so much!”

He then disappeared and left Zhongli there with chains for all to see. Bound to unspoken of words.

Inazuma was a nation he kept hearing bad things about. What had the archon done to be hated so much? At least the borders were open now, seems that forever can’t be forever.

“Oh Ei. The eternity you wanted was the gluttony of control you wished you had right?”

Locked away in her palace, in the heart of the city, Ei sat with her eyes closed.

“Beezlebub. How nice it is to see you again? Did you miss me?”

Ei was startled and her hand went to her polearm, ready to attack where the voice came from. “How did you come in here? Who let you in?”

“After all these years, you are still the same. Eternity truly doesn’t change you does it? Your gluttony will never be satisfied will it? What would your sister say?” The words came flowing out one after the other, he did not even have to think as he spoke. He knew exactly what to say.

“You-!” Ei pounced forward, the tip of her weapon stopping at his throat. One wrong move and he would be harmed, but he knew she wouldn’t, her arm was shaking after all.

“You close your borders, take the people’s visions. Were you so afraid of change that you wanted an illusion control that you never had. Pathetic.” Ei begin to tremble as she heard such words, but there was nothing she can do. He was her superior after all, this would be a death sentence if she tried to fight him.

“No worshippers of me, no shrines, not even a fucking thank you to me for giving you these islands.” A laugh left his lips as he thought of it.

“You can hide away in your plain, but you can’t hide from the true reality outside your door.” A snap of his fingers, Makoto’s body dropped in front of her. Her eternity in the open for all to see.

A smirk overtook his features. “Remember, she’s in my hands. You are more than welcome to join her, but…I don’t think I will. Your eternity will be spent in the same gluttony of control, until you are swallowed whole.”

The archon fell to her knees, just like all the others. “Please. Wait..I’m sorry..”

“Aw. Don’t beg. You all look so pathetic while doing it. I made you all better than this. But here you all are, no backbone to be seen. Which, I can see why.” Makoto’s body disappeared as Ei was starting to shed tears.

Moving to crouch down to her level, his lips next to her ear. “Once you die, you will be in the same eternity you wanted. You will know what it is like to be forever unchanging.”

Getting back to the mainland across an entire ocean was not fun. Even when he was stepping through the air, it still took a long time. Next nation was Sumeru. Nahida was the one archon he liked, she always knew what was going on.

Not to mention, she was a victim herself. But the real reason was that she had kept the shrines the former archon had built in his name, and the people still worshipped him to this day.

“I have expected you.” Came the small voice, her back was turned as she showed no hostility or fear to the one that walked towards her.

“Buer.” However, his respect her Nahida only went so far. Her chains were just a bit less…drastic.

“Seems like your people have finally changed their minds. Still chained to the evermore knowledge I see.” He stated, a laugh was held back.

"It is something I have much time for. I do not mind if the chains are the ones that I like." Nahida responsed.

"Then I wish you good luck. You are only 500 years old after all, you have all the time in Teyvat for this." Waving over his shoulder as he left the sanctum which the younger archon stayed in.

The next nation is one he has known to hate, or rather, hate the heavenly principles for. For as long as he had seen, the dragons and vishaps were the natives that they had decided to usurp for power. And Fountaine was one of these, 500 years of a fake god and authority taking the throne. While the true ruler was cast aside.

He sat one foot into the Nation and he already hears the annoying voice of the 'archon', really wish she could really shut up already. "Oh! So you are here after all! Welcome! I, welcome you to my beautiful nation!"

He did not say anything, but rather he stared up at her and gave her a glare; even from that distance she could see it and knew he was not here for a friendly visit. "I will see you in your office Furina."

When he got there, he was greeted with someone else. The Hydro Dragon, the rightful ruler of these lands. "Neuvillette."

"Your Grace." He bowed, still addressing him the same way just all the those years ago. And most likely, the only one left that still does so. Furina then came into the office, a look of fear in her eyes.

"Furina, how...unpleasant to see you." Hearing the words, she looked more dejected than she already did.

"Please. If you're going to say it then just say it."

"Fine." He sat down on one of the fancy armchairs that sat around the room.

"Just because you are forced to play a role for 500 years does not mean you get sympathy from me, should have thought of that before your archon usurped him." Making a hand gesture towards Neuvillette.

"You're sad that you had to play a role you did not want against your will? You know what we call that? The real world. Wake the fuck up if you think the world owes you anything just because of that. Have you even taken a look around you at the people for this many years? Their lives are filled with doing things they don't want, and it's a different thing every time. You do one same thing and you think can get sympathy? Maybe from Neuvillette sure, but not me. And when you finally die and fade out from this world and nobody remembers you, you will appear in my halls begging for my attention. I will not spare a single thing for you." A stone cold expression sat on his features.

The room was tense, Furina was on the verge of tears. Neuvillette held a worried face as he wanted to comfort her, but from one hand gesture from his creator, he stayed his feet and did not move.

"An arch duke of hell? Please. You can barely get out of heaven. You want to fall into infernal blaze so bad that you need to fool a crime to get casted out? Pathetic." He spat.

He stood up and walked out the door, Neuvillette followed after him.

"What is it?" His tone was eager as he had somewhere else to be.

"Your Grace, please rethink of it. Lady Furina is in pain, after 500 years, she is bound to have some sort problems with it all." He pleaded.

"Aw~, bound to the chains of justice like she is. I did not create you this way."

"..." Neuvillette was at a lost for words.

"Fine. She can keep her role and not appear in my halls after her timely death, that's for her immortal side of things. But once she is one more mortal, she will still die, and I will know to give her a quick death." A smile took over, like he was saying this was the better action.

"W-what? How is that-"

"Unless you want her to die right now? I can make that happen."

"No, Your Grace."

"Good. She would make such a pretty corpse."

Silence took the space between the two of them, a sea of mist and fog was slowly putting distance between them.

"Everyone on this side of the world are demons. I rule you all."

[coriannawrites]

Thinking about unbridled tension with Diavolo because…

If there’s something Diavolo wants, he will get it.

Lucifer, the once beloved Morningstar, takes a metaphorical knee when he sees Diavolo.

Barbados, a being who could bend time at will has acquiesced to Diavolo’s command.

He will get the three realms to unify. The naysayers who think Diavolo will flounder and fail cannot comprehend how wrong they are.

No one can comprehend that Diavolo will unify the three realms because he will have you.

It’s not up for debate. A mild human interest kickstarted Diavolo’s appreciation of you. You were much more appealing than Solomon, your wary eyes a mismatch for his that screamed power.

Yes. Diavolo’s been watching.

When you beguiled Mammon into a pact, when you took Levi and Beel as collateral. He nearly proposed to you when you claimed Lucifer as yours. How bold.

But Diavolo can bide his time. He knows you want him, he’s seen and preened at the side glances you give him. Gone shirtless or worn a tight fitting shirt to give you something to think about for the rest of the week. He’s crowded into your space, a “clueless” smile on why you’re so nervous.

Barbatos eerily applauded you for making Diavolo so patient. You didn’t understand his comment, but didn’t dwell on it because Diavolo walks in. And when he comes in, he demands your attention. Who are you to look away from the Prince of the Devildom himself?

Oh no. You’ll keep looking. You like what you see.

Diavolo gets everything he wants. He likes where you’re at now, the unbidden tension. Will you snap? Will he? How far do humans go before they say, “fuck it” and spill their heart out.

Diavolo will unify the three realms. And he will have you.

[lovelyyandereaddictionpoint]

Can we get the obey me boys(the brothers + dia, barbs, solomon, and simeon) reacting to mc having severe period cramps? Would they get all demon-y at the smell of blood?

Love your stuff btw!

Signed, a yandere junkie~

I'll do two for now 🖤🖤🖤🖤

Period | Yandere Obey Me

For those in the devildom having a draw for chaos and mortal pain it’s quite normal for blood to bring about a different kind of reaction. But to the surprise of no one period blood and the whole menstrual cycle is a complete bafflement to all who catch a whiff. Don’t worry though, you have the brother and your various friends. This surely won’t strike any of them to have an unusual streak in emotion and self-control, right?:

Lucifer

“It’s that time I’m suspecting?”

“Yes.”

“Understood rest easy, take your time to rest my dear.”

“A-are you sure?”

“Of course I'm sure. Do you doubt my promise to keep you?”

One of the most casual about it 

He absolutely has done research for this exact occasion

But nothing is like experience in taking care of you himself

As well as the compulsion that has him being just as reactive as you

“You seem a bit different today Lucifer…”

“Am I? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oooh is that a gift from (Y/n)--”

“dON’t ToUCh tHaT!” 

“...”

“...”

“Sorry, I don’t know what’s with me this week.”

You’re not with him that’s what

For all the necessities he delivers he’s been keeping his distance

Taking the advice of the human care books he gave you your space

After all who better to deal with the human-female innerworkings than a human-female herself

But something feels wrong more than usual 

And it only seems to stop when he returns to your side at the end of the day

“Perhaps the hormones that are at work in you create a…guardian of sorts…out of me.”

He doesn’t really understand, all he knows is that when you were preparing to go to RAD he frantically calmly decided you’d not be attending

His excuse reasoning? That he would hate for any lesser demon to feel what he’s feeling 

That and he’d actually try to kill anyone who shows such similar inclination to protect you

“If anyone should stay to soothe you in this great time of need. I’m not above massacring any threats to you while you’re at your most vulnerable..” 

Generally he’s quite tame

…compared to his brothers

Diavolo

“Hey (Y/n) why’d you run off like that I thought we were having a good time.”

“Diavolo!?”

“Oh…hey (Y/n) if you’re hurt it’s okay to tell us we have tons of things that help heal humans.”

“Ugh! No that’s not what’s happening here!”

“Don’t be embarrassed here i’ll help!”

“Aghghgh!!!! Barbatos! Barb–Ah! Don’t you dare!”

A scolding and prompt lesson from Barbatos is very much in order

For someone so adamant on urging the blending of their worlds he doesn’t really know about this side of humanity

And unfortunately he’s never been one for backseat learning

“(Y/n), we’ve spoken and Diavolo would like to propose a hands-on-lesson with you about your menstrual cycle.”

“Uhm what kind of lesson?”

“One that will require he familiarize himself with all aspects of this process. Something that would preferably stimulate the five senses.”

“....”

“....”

“....Lucifer!!!! Solomon!!!”

Even better it has to do with you

What better way to strengthen your bond by having to monitor you

Not only for your safety but for all of humanity

“Hey later on we should definitely watch that movie together!”

“Oh yeah I thin–”

“I’m sorry but she cannot!”

“What why not?”

“Because she’s coming with me! The best place for a woman on muenster cycle is with me at the royal palace.”

“Uhm that’s not tr-”

“Here I’ll take you now!” 

He’s going to be hard to teach

But once you sit him down or snap at him one too many times

He’ll decide listening to you is the best course of action

In turn it will definitely build a relationship between you two

It may not be as romantic as he planned

But he’ll take it….for now 

After all there’s one every month

“That was fun! I can’t wait until the next time!”

Because he’s actively testing for it he might find some demons and creatures that react to it

But he won’t actively experiment with you in danger

Because it’s just not a good look to brutally murder every other subject of his that has a reaction he doesn’t like

“Next month I’ll have to convince them to let me get a swab or whole container full that’d be really hot.”

[onyourowndaisymae]

don't mind me... just thinking about the dateables slowly dropping the rest of their roster for you as they fall head over heels...

diavolo // barbatos // simeon // solomon (you are here) -- x gn!reader, NSFW below the cut, others coming soon

solomon, who will follow his whims damn near anywhere. today, they've led him to the devildom, for the demon prince's grand "exchange program"-- he's not much for commitments like these, but any excuse to get free room and board in the devildom is an excellent one in his eyes. he's always been curious about some of the more hidden oddities in the realm, and this is a perfect time to explore without suspicion. along the way he meets you. huh. a human living in the devildom with no magical abilities? doesn't exactly sound safe, but... well, that won't be his mess to clean up if things go awry. he's interested in seeing how long you last.

solomon, who certainly thinks you're special. in the time that you've been a part of the program, you've managed to wrap all seven of the demon brothers around your fingers. he's honestly a bit jealous! even lucifer, who he's been trying to form a pact with for decades, leans in close to hear your quiet words. he can't even tell who he's envious of in that moment-- you, in all your charm, or lucifer, who gets to be that close and personal with you? oh, you're special alright. and now that you're both visiting the devildom again, this time without the pretense of the exchange program, he's determined to get to know you better. there's just something about you... something so warm and human that he's drawn to like a moth to a streetlamp. he won't go as far as embarrassing himself to paw at you for attention like a child, but he's not going to be deterred by the complaints of the demon brothers this time, either.

solomon, who is still human, after all. humans have... urges. he's not a massive fan of where lust has led him in the past, but the nagging feeling of want makes it hard to focus on his work. he summons a quick portal and finds himself at the house of a familiar face... a dangerous vampire, sure, but one that he knows intimately. little words are exchanged before he has them pinned against the wall, desperately fucking into them, hips snapping at a relentless pace as they keen into the open air. their leg is tucked into the crook of his elbow to give him a better angle, the smack! of his hips against their thighs intertwining with groans and heavy breathing. carnal pleasure makes his brain go white as they spasm around him, their third orgasm of the night finally pushing him over the edge as he spills inside them. it's messy and hot and he doesn't feel quite satisfied, guiding their sweaty body to a nearby flat surface to continue the fun. when the evening draws to a close, he slips back to purgatory hall for a shower and some rest. he hadn't even realized he'd left his d.d.d. until he emerges from the steamy bathroom to a notification. huh. a text from you. his heart flutters a little as he reads your message. hmm... he decides not to dwell on that feeling further, having already had such a complicated evening to mull over already.

solomon, who has a lot to learn. being immortal, he figured he'd done enough learning to last him a few lifetimes, and yet here he is. here you are. he finds that he'll shirk other responsibilities to spend another night training his apprentice. on nights like these, he'll find any excuse to keep you longer-- say, how about he makes you dinner? you always convince him to go out with you instead, promising to let him cook another time (he hasn't had the chance to, but he's sure he'll get you one of these nights). you look so cute under the restaurant's mood lighting, laughing your way through a story about the unruly demon brothers. but all he can think about is how much he doesn't want the night to end. he takes a bite to hide the way his lips curl into a grimace. soon it'll be late and he'll be dropping you back off at the house of lamentation. soon he'll have to forfeit his already limited time with you and walk home alone. you seem to notice sooner than he'd expected. when you ask, he's honest-- he doesn't want to see you go home. does that make him sound bad? he laughs it off in an attempt to save his pride, but for some reason you're smiling at him when he meets your gaze again. when the proposal falls from your lips-- a sleepover?-- he's looking curiously at you to see if you're kidding. but you're not, are you? no, that earnest grin is all real, all for him. and he's so thankful nobody else gets to see you looking like this tonight. just him, a simple man, sitting across from you at a restaurant as he realizes he's far more in love with you than he ever imagined.

solomon, who has been looking forward to this all week. you're coming over to "study", which usually results in maybe an hour or two of learning before you both get distracted and turn on a movie. tonight is no different. tonight you're curled up against his side, his arm around your shoulders as the movie drones on. your fingers dance along his side under his shirt, warm and distracting, finally enough for him to chuckle and tell you what a little nuisance you're being. teasing turns to touching, which doesn't end there-- soon he's got you pinned to the couch. what would usually be a smug grin is a bit more vulnerable tonight, pressing his smile to yours as the heat of his body envelopes you. it's you who pushes things further tonight, who paws at his shirt and kisses down his neck to see his face flush. he takes his sweet time stripping you of your garments. it's time he might not have, seeing as you two are in the (thankfully empty) living room of purgatory, but he'll take the risk regardless. your smooth skin against his makes him feel feverish and a little dizzy. solomon double checks that you're okay with this-- you are sure, right? you grin and agree that yes, you absolutely are interested in finally fucking him right here, right now. when he finally sinks into your heat, hips pressing forward at a firm but careful pace, he bites his lip to contain the gasp that threatens to rip through him. you're so hot and tight that it makes his head spin. have you always been this alluring? he feel like he can't breathe for a moment when he finally bottoms out. oh. this... this is going to be a problem for him. he pulls his hips back and gently sinks into you again, the lube and spit mixed on his cock making a slick noise with each movement. you feel like heaven. is this what he's been missing? nobody told him that sex with someone you love would feel so much better than a hookup. his lips find yours between pants, sloppy kisses contrasting against the steady rhythm of his hips meeting yours. your moans against his mouth make him feel like he's going to cum already-- he'd hate to disappoint, but fuck, you feel so good that he has to pull his mind from the moment before it ends. his movements get rougher to bring you there with him. soon enough, your whining, warbling voice tells him you're close. when you finally clench your tight, needy hole around him and reach cloud nine, it doesn't take long for euphoria to flood his veins as he reaches a climax. he's shaking a little by the time he finally meets your gaze. when you open your mouth to speak, he kisses you again. solomon can't risk having to respond. if he does, who knows what will spill out of his mouth-- that he loves you, needs you, can't fathom ever fucking anyone else? he's been around for thousands of years, yet he can't imagine another day without you by his side. please, just... let him savor this moment of ecstasy for a little longer.

taglist for this series (taken from the last part-- let me know if you would like to be added/removed!): @the-demonus-aunt // @scienceisfornerds // @hostilemakeover // @snow-fall1 // @kachan890 // @rphantom1 // @respitable

[lucifersdickriderdotnet]

Emergency Contact

Summary: Having siblings sucks. Having siblings who are constantly getting into life threatening situations is worse. 5.9k words.

Disclaimer: as usual, if they're ooc no. uhm. Diavolo and Barbatos are here and they are referred to as Lucifer's boyfriends but it's in like a fun jokey teasing way that siblings do. except Lucifer actually is dating Diavolo in my head so. asmo and solomon ARE dating because I want them to be. maybe next time I'll make solomon date satan. you can only call a man a cute kitty so many times before people get ideas. if you couldn't tell by the title and the summary, people get #sick and break their #bones. oh. there is one (1) cannibalism joke. not demoncest just bros being bros.

Notes: this took so long because I've never written a decent ending in my life and i spent two days on it. also that anon really pissed me off for some reason idk. if you don't like how anyone is characterized write your own fanfiction man idk. solmare doesn't even have consistency with this nonsense. Lucifer is nice to his brothers in this because I want him to be. amen.

It’s a little known fact that Lucifer is everyone’s emergency contact. When it comes to those he cares about, he is protective, almost annoyingly so. So, it makes sense that the person who knows everything about everyone should be in charge if something goes awry. His phone hardly ever rings for emergencies, half because his brothers’ manage to get themselves out of trouble through a series of convoluted and confusing hijinks and half because most of them would rather eat nails than call him to tell him something is wrong. He’s even Barbatos’ emergency contact, despite the fact that Barbatos has never been sick or injured.

When his phone does ring, though, it’s almost always because someone has managed to damage themselves beyond repair, which is why he’s staring at the caller id on his D.D.D. like he can make it stop ringing if he glares hard enough.

“Lucifer Morningstar speaking,” it hadn’t stopped ringing and Diavolo had almost reached across the table to answer it for him.

“Hello this is Devildom General Hospital. We received a patient today and your name was on his–”

“Who.” It comes out dull and flat. He’s gripping his fork so hard he can hear the metal squeak.

“Excuse me?” The demon on the other end of the phone sounds perfectly polite but Lucifer is already so strung out all it does is grate his nerves.

“Who are you calling for?”

“Mam–”

“I’ll be right there,” he’s standing up in a hurry, grabbing his jacket off the back of his chair and ignoring Diavolo’s many questions as he leaves their dinner.

“Sir, if you’ll just–” he hangs up before the nurse can say anything else.

-

Mammon managed to break a bone or two in a scuffle he won’t tell Lucifer the details of.

“Do you know how hard it is to break a femur, Mammon?” Lucifer is gripping the steering wheel of the car so hard he’s surprised it hasn’t snapped in half.

“Pretty damn hard, all things considerin’.” Lucifer exhales sharply out of his nose and looks at his brother from the corner of his eye. He’s staring out of the window, and the white of his hair is dirty with mud and something red that Lucifer knows didn’t come out of his skull but worries him regardless.

“Mammon, this isn’t something to joke about.”

“I know,” he taps the hard cast of his leg with a bruised knuckle, “‘m the one with the broken bones.”

“If you know why are you doing it?” Lucifer can’t stop his voice from raising a few decibels towards the end of his sentence and has to mentally count to ten to not start screaming.

“‘Cause I just got the shit beat outta me ‘n’ I don’t wanna listen to yer lecturin’.” Mammon finally turns his head to stare at Lucifer and the elder looks away from the road for a second to meet his eyes. It’s not often that Mammon genuinely argues with him, not often that Mammon gets mad enough to let the blue of his eyes light with fury. Whatever happened tonight was not something that he wanted to happen, and it’s not something he needs a scolding for.

There’s a tense silence where Lucifer sighs and then flicks the turn signal, sliding across the lanes of traffic to take Mammon somewhere else before they go home.

“Did you win?” He’s pulling into Madame Screams’ drive through when he asks.

“‘Course I did.”

“Good.”

They both silently agree not to tell the rest of them about their little pit stop, and it’s as Lucifer’s pulling into the garage that he turns to his brother.

“Mammon.” A hum sounds from the passenger seat. “Next time, call me yourself. I don’t want it to be the hospital unless you’re physically incapable of talking.”

“Roger that.”

—

Lucifer is not known as the most comforting of his brothers. The six of them tend to rely on each other for that, going to Mammon or Beel if they have emotional troubles. Lucifer, as the oldest, is good for cleaning up messes. Putting things back together and making it look like nothing was ever amiss in the first place. It’s his job to protect them, from the world and from themselves, and he takes it seriously. Still, despite his brick wall in place of a heart and his general ineptitude when it comes to being affirming in any sense, he is not incapable of helping his brothers out of a tight spot. He’s just not preferred.

“Lucifer,” Levi’s voice is shaky and stuttering on the other end of the phone. He knew something was wrong when his phone started ringing in the middle of class. His brothers all know how much he hates distractions during class time, just like they know when he has a class so they don’t bother him. He knew something was worse when it was Levi’s name flashing across the screen. Levi refuses to call any of them unless the world is ending. He knew something was horrible when he remembered that today was one of the few days that Levi is mandated to come to campus.

“Yes?” He’s already left class walking down the hallway towards the abandoned wing where he knows Levi is. He keeps his steps measured and even, keeps his breathing calm. It won’t do to have two of them panicked at the same time.

“Are you busy?” They both know the answer to that question, just like they both know he’s going to lie.

“You caught me in the middle of a break. Why?” He tests the door handle for the swimming pool. Closed for renovations, the sign says. The same thing it’s said for the past several millennia. The door swings open without any effort on his part, the magic seal already broken before he got here.

“Would you like to go for a swim?” There’s a splash on the other end of the line. Lucifer snorts.

“I’m not one for water.” There’s silence and another splash and Lucifer lets out a heavy sigh. “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt.”

“Yay,” Levi says, soft and timid, and Lucifer can see him now, all of him, filling up the entire pool. He doesn’t get in yet, just removes a glove and sticks a finger in the water to let Levi know he’s here. He watches as the miles and miles of indigo scales shift and slide along each other until he’s face to face with thousands of sharp teeth.

“You’re going to break the pool again,” is what he says, voice dry. He sputters indignantly when that earns him salt water to the face. He’s soaked now, head to toe and he’s going to miss these shoes.

“Oops.” Levi’s voice is sprinkled with something mirthful, no longer halfway to tears as it was just a moment ago. “Get in. The water’s nice.”

“Yes,” Lucifer swipes a hand across his face to push his bangs back. Salt water drips into his eyes anyway. “I can see that.” 

Levi giggles and his face moves away, body coiling in, on, and over itself, too big to fully fit in the pool.

“You said you’d swim with me.”

“Yes. I suppose I did.”

Truthfully, Lucifer doesn’t like swimming. He is not a bird that is built for water, and getting wet usually means being cold and grounded for a while. Truthfully, he’d rather finally open one of the many letters Michael has sent him over the years. Truthfully, he would do anything for his brothers. Truthfully, Lucifer doesn’t think he’ll fit, but a promise is a promise, so he slides out of his uniform and climbs in.

Levi doesn’t ever tell him what made him so upset he rebroke R.A.D. 's pool, but he does leave a box of Princess’ Poison Apples on his desk the next morning, so Lucifer sets his sights on re-fixing the swimming pool. Maybe this time he’ll convince Diavolo to make it bigger.

—

Satan would rather rip his own teeth out with nothing but a Q-tip and a single milligram of ibuprofen to numb the pain than ever ask Lucifer for help. Their relationship is getting better, he will admit, but he’s filled with a rage towards the oldest that could melt even the strongest of metals, and it will take a while to temper the flame. So, no, he will not ask Lucifer for help, but, if he’s annoying enough about it, Lucifer will fix it anyways.

He starts by mentioning it to Asmo, squinting at him and saying that no, he can’t tell if Asmo’s eyeliner is uneven, because he can’t see.

“Can’t see?” Manicured fingernails are digging into his cheeks as Asmo grips his face and moves his head from side to side. He has to shelve books in his mind’s inner library to not rip his brother’s face clean off his head. 

“Doesn’t look like cataracts or anything,” Asmo hums, dropping his face. Satan massages his jaw slightly. “What do you mean you ‘can’t see’?”

“I meant what I said. Your face is slightly blurry and I can’t tell if your eyeliner is even because it just looks like a blob. Ergo. I can’t see.” Satan crosses his arms over his chest and dodges Asmo’s subsequent grabs for his face.

“Oh,” a snort, “you probably need glasses.” He turns back around to his vanity and Satan has to stop himself from saying no shit out loud.

“Glasses are for losers.”

“Lucifer wears glasses.”

“My point exactly.” Asmo twists his lipstick back down before popping the cap on and pulling open a drawer. He gestures for Satan to look inside and he does and–

“I didn’t know you wore contacts.”

“Not very many people do. Mammon has glasses too, you know. He’s sensitive to bright lights. The sunglasses indoors are not just a poor fashion statement,” Asmo sighs and shakes his head, like the image of Mammon wearing his sunglasses inside brings him physical pain. “And, I think Levi has some because all of those screens destroyed his rods and cones.”

“Oh. I’m sorry for calling you a loser.” Asmo waves him off.

“The point, Bitty, is that you wouldn’t be the first.” It wouldn’t be just you and Lucifer is what he’s saying. Satan nods and then frowns.

“I told you to stop calling me that.”

“Why?” Asmo reaches over to poke his cheek. He narrowly avoids getting a finger bitten off. His voice rises several octaves, turning into a coo. “You’re just an itty bitty baby– Ow, dammit fine.”

-

He then proceeds to complain about it as loudly as possible, as frequently as possible. No, he can’t help Mammon with his homework, the words are bleeding together. Yes, he does have to sit front and center now because otherwise the board is unreadable. No, he did not catch that last slanderous missive about Lucifer in the R.A.D. Newspaper because he couldn’t read the draft that was sent to him for editing. (He made Belphie read the drafts to him out loud and thought that the article was funny.)

“Satan,” everytime Lucifer has to talk to him he looks constipated and it makes Satan laugh inside.

“Big Bother.” Lucifer’s eye twitches.

“You have an appointment with the optometrist. Get in the car.” Satan sets his book down.

“Can’t Mammon take me?” He doesn’t want Mammon to take him. Still, it’s funny to see the vein pop on Lucifer’s forehead.

“... Get in the fucking car.”

Satan plays heavy metal in the car because he knows Lucifer hates it and makes him sit in the lobby during the actual check up because he thinks it’s funny to watch his leg bounce up and down. (And because Lucifer gets a copy of all of their medical records anyway. The freak probably checked Satan’s eyes himself while he was sleeping and already knows his prescription.)

“Those glasses look nice on you,” is all Lucifer says when he picks out the frames.

“I changed my mind. I hate these ones.” (He doesn’t.)

—

He’d been in his room, up to his eyes in paperwork when his phone rang. It’s not unusual for Asmo to call him, the younger always wanting to chat and gossip for as long as Lucifer will pretend to listen, but it is unusual for him to call in the middle of an Asmo Night.

“Hi Asmo, what–”

“Lucy!!” He has to pull the phone away from his ear to avoid rupturing the drum.

“I believe I have asked you not to–”

“Hey! Give me my–” There’s a scuffle on the other end before a voice that Lucifer recognizes as Solomon’s starts speaking.

“Lucifer! I believe Asmodeus has had enough for tonight and needs to be deposited home. I would do it myself, but as per our agreement, I am not allowed–”

“Within twenty feet of my front door. Yes, I know. I’ll come get him. Please keep him out of trouble until I get there.” He rubs the bridge of his nose before standing up and making his way to the door.

“Wonderful! Now, about that pact–” Lucifer hangs up before Solomon can finish the question and hits Levi’s door on the way down the stairs.

“Bed, Leviathan.” There’s a small squeak in response. “Or at least pretend to be sleeping. I can hear your game from out here.” The RPG music leaking from Levi’s room into the hallway quiets drastically.

He stops by the kitchen to find Asmo his crackers and a bottle of water before leaving, instructing Beel to carry himself and Belphie to bed on his way out.

Lucifer does not like parties. He thinks they are loud and annoying and too many people try to get handsy with him when really all he wants is to drink his Demonus in peace. He’s dealing with that now, batting off people’s hands and ignoring requests for a night alone as he makes his way to Asmo’s booth.

“Asmo,” Solomon’s voice is soft and fond as he rouses Asmo from a short nap, “Lucifer’s here. It’s time to go.”

“Mmkay.” Asmo rubs his eyes and gives Solomon a peck on the lips that Lucifer has to fight the urge to gag at. He crawls out of the booth and grabs Lucifer’s hand, and somehow the crowd parts to let him past with no fuss. They barely make it outside before Asmo is hurling all over the sidewalk and Lucifer is remembering that Asmo smells like warm, sugared peaches.

Asmo smells like peaches. Allegedly, he smells like whatever is the most alluring to you, but Lucifer thinks he has always smelled like peaches. He smells like the holy peach cobbler that Michael used to make in the Celestial Realm. Asmo smells like the peach flavored macarons that Barbatos makes when he and Lucifer have tea. He smells like the Georgia peaches the human made him try once. Asmo smells like peaches, he smells like home and love and care, and you would have to hold Lucifer at gunpoint to get him to admit this to his brother.

And now, Lucifer is getting a face full of that smell mixed with vomit as Asmo leans over a bush and loses whatever meager dinner Beel had shoved in him as well as half his body weight in alcohol. There’s a flash from the corner of his eye and he makes a mental note to follow up on that.

“It will sound hypocritical coming from me,” he starts and is promptly interrupted by another retch.

“Then don’t–good Diavolo, that tastes awful–say it.” Asmo takes the water bottle that Lucifer dutifully hands him and rinses his mouth out.

“Are you done?” Lucifer starts fishing around his jacket pocket for a pack of Asmo’s favorite crackers. They taste like flowers, allegedly, and they're one of the few things that Beel genuinely doesn’t like to eat.

“For now.” Asmo takes the crackers and starts munching on them gratefully, leaning heavily into Lucifer’s side as they both walk home.

“Thank you for coming,” he says. Lucifer scoffs, rolling his eyes.

“I would never leave one of you alone.”

“Aww, that’s so–”

“The paperwork alone would take at least a decade.”

“Nevermind.”

-

If Lucifer hunts down the demon who took the picture and threatens them within an inch of their life, that’s between him and his Father. And if Asmo finds out and gives Lucifer a hug at breakfast the following morning, that’s between him and Mammon’s camera roll.

—

Lucifer hates Fangol. Well, that’s not true. He admires the dedication someone has to have to play it and to play it well. He admits that sometimes it’s fun to go to games and get caught up in the hype of the crowd. He also likes that it makes Beel happy. What he doesn’t like is sitting in the stands as his second youngest brother makes a game winning play and then gets tackled onto the turf so hard you can hear the sound his head makes when it hits the ground.

The crowd goes silent and the players and the band take a knee and Lucifer is half dragging half carrying Belphie down the stands to the ambulance as the EMT’s check over their brother.

“Sir, I understand–” The paramedic cuts themself off when they see whose shadows are looming over them. They heave a sigh and gesture to a patch of grass near where they have Beel laying on a gurney. “Try to avoid being in our way.”

It’s a fight to keep Belphie from being underfoot, but there isn’t one when Lucifer says he’s riding in the ambulance with Beel to the hospital. Only a curt nod and then a muttered threat in his ear that he rolls his eyes at and then their off.

“Sorry.” It’s the first thing out of Beel’s mouth after he’s done being asked routine questions.

“It’s not like you asked to receive a concussion.”

“We don’t know that it’s a concussion,” Beel says, wagging his finger slowly. Lucifer rolls his eyes.

“You told the paramedic you wanted to throw up and pass out at the same time.”

“Average Beelzebub activities.” It makes Lucifer snort, lips twitching up into a smile.

“That is the exact opposite of a Beelzebub activity. You’ll be okay, though.” The you have to be goes unsaid.

It turns out to be a concussion and Beel is barred from playing for a while and then everything is fine.

-

Lucifer has changed his mind, he definitely hates Fangol. He has half a mind to ban Beel from ever playing it again, but if he didn’t have something to focus his energy on, they wouldn’t have a House to live in.

He stayed home from the game, wanting to relax, for once, with a new cursed record and a bottle of his prized Demonus. He might have also paused the record to watch the stream of the game on his phone, but that’s neither here nor there. He’s busy cussing out one of the commentators for their clear bias against Beel–they haven’t been angels in literally thousands of years, people need to find a new excuse–when it cuts suddenly from a replay of the last down to a live feed from the field. And then his phone rings.

“Mammon,” he already knows what happened before he picks up.

“I know ya said not ta call ya tonight, but,” he sounds haggard, and his accent gets thicker when he’s panicking, “ya also said not ta let the hospital call ya so–”

“Mammon,” it comes out snappier than he wants it to and he has to soften his voice when he opens his mouth again, “breathe. What’s happened?”

“Dear Father who art in Heaven–” Lucifer curses again because Mammon only reverts to praying when something is seriously wrong. “Beel got tackled ‘nd– Lucifer, ya could hear the crunch from Diavolo’s good seats.” Lucifer sucks in a breath and considers sending up a couple prayers himself.

“I’m on my way. Beel will– Beel will be okay, Mammon. He’s strong.” He hears Mammon’s assent from the other end of the line just as he hears Levi mumble something to Mammon.

“Oh, yer kiddin’.”

“What? Mammon, what’s going on?”

“We can’t fin’ Belphie.”

“Shit.”

-

If Lucifer breaks traffic laws on his way to the stadium, no one who pulls him over will be able to make anything stick for very long. He watches as the ambulance pulls away and his D.D.D. buzzes with a message.

Mams

I went with Beel. Everyone’s still tryna find Belphie.

“Lucifer–” he’s met with an armful of brothers before he can put his phone back in his pocket and he’s not strong enough to pretend he doesn’t want to hug them back.

“Did you find–”

“No, obviously not Levi, he just fucking got here.”

“Satan, now is not the time–”

“I’ll decide when the fucking time is, Asmo. Did you see what they did to our–”

“Yeah, I was sitting right next to you. You’re not the only one who’s upset–”

“Guys,” Lucifer raises his voice above their arguing. “Now is not the time.” He hands Diavolo his keys, grateful, for once, at his many attempts to bond with his brothers. “Will you please take them to the hospital? I have a brother to find.”

It doesn’t take him long to find Belphie, but it does take a toll on his knees.

“Belphegor.” He wonders how the youngest climbed on top of the press box without anyone noticing.

“The stadium lights are too bright,” Belphie says, “you can’t see the stars. They drown them out. It’s a bad omen, Lucifer.”

“Belphegor, please come back down.”

“I can’t see them, Lucifer.” His voice is thick with tears.

“They’re still there, Belphie. I promise.”

“We made them together, and I can’t see them.”

“If you come back down we can visit Beel and the two of you can find them together.” Diavolo’s Father help him, he is not climbing on top of that box to bring Belphie down himself.

“Promise?”

“On my life.”

The bad thing about the press box for the R.A.D. stadium, is that the ladder has rusted away. People never go on top of it to watch or film the game anymore because they started to use magic to get the good camera angles. The bad thing about the press box is that when Belphie makes to climb down he slips and has nothing to grab and lands on the concrete stadium seating with a snap that makes Lucifer’s stomach churn.

-

“I can’t believe you fell while getting down. That’s like, one hundred times easier than goin’ up.” Mammon is beside himself with laughter while he doodles on Belphie’s cast.

“Haha. Laugh it up Mammon. When I’m out of this thing, I’m going to break every bone in your body.” Mammon rolls his eyes at Belphie’s threat.

“The witches have used that one before. Try again.”

“What are you, a magic eight ball?”

“Reply hazy. Try again later.”

“You know,” Asmo says from his spot opposite Mammon, doodling on Beel’s cast, “it is kind of cool that you guys managed to break the same bone.”

“It’s because we’re twins.” Beel says, smiling brightly.

“Yeah,” Satan snorts, “or cause you’re both stupid.”

“I’m just glad you’re both okay,” Levi cuts in before Belphie and Satan can start in on each other.

“Indeed. Although, I believe it’s best that Fangol is heading into its off season.” Lucifer says, and there’s noises of agreement throughout the room.

—

It’s a simple fact of life that Lucifer doesn’t get sick. The Demon King is asleep, the Earth’s year is 365 (365.25) days long, the Crown Prince of the Devildom hates pickles, Michael is a massive loser, and Lucifer doesn’t get sick. He does not get sick or injured or cursed or hexed or anything of the sort because he does not have the time. Except. Except he is most definitely sick right now.

Belphie realized something was wrong when Lucifer didn’t come down for breakfast. He’s a stickler for meal times, always wanting them to share a meal together. Something about family and tradition and will you just do what I say for once that Belphie doesn’t care about or want to listen to. He comes to breakfast and dinner and lunch on the weekends anyway, because Beel does, not because Lucifer wants him to. So, when he looks up from his spot at the table, the cloth permanently drool stained despite the oldest’s best efforts, and watches all of his brothers leave except Lucifer, he gets confused.

“Beel,” he asks, tilting his head just so, “did Lucifer have a meeting today?” Usually he would tell them. Several times throughout the week if it was planned and then again in the morning before he leaves. He’s weird like that, he doesn’t like not knowing where everyone is. Belphie thinks he’s a control freak, even if he finds knowing his brother’s whereabouts comforting.

“No,” Beel says this around a mouthful of muffin, “I don’t think so.”

“Hmm. Well. I guess we’ll see him at school.”

-

They do not, in fact, see him at school. Mammon shares first period with him, which means he can never skip the first hour and a half of R.A.D. Except today, there’s no harsh pokes in his back whenever he starts to zone out, and there’s no pointed coughs when he pulls out his phone and starts playing games. He looks around and there’s no Lucifer.

Demon Brothers

Mams: ayo. where is. lucifer.

Catan: he’s not in class?

Mams: if he was I wouldn’t be askin.

Catan: the phone screen makes you bold, brother. watch yourself.

Mams: o7 aye aye cap’n.

Beel: Belphie says he wasn’t at breakfast either

Mams: is belphie’s phone broke???

Beel: he says typing is too much effort

Mams: understandable have a nice day

Asmo: o.o Lucifer not at breakfast? But he’s always weird when we miss it!

Catan: typical Lucifer hypocrisy

Levs: you know he can still read this chat right?

Catan: when has that ever stopped me -_-

Levs: you guys have hit like all of the Summoning Lucifer Bullet Points

Levs: 1. Mention his name fifty times

Levs: 2. Blow up his phone

Levs: 3. Text during class time

Levs: 4. Slander him at least once

Levs: 5. Ask about his private business/goings on

Beel: and yet

Mams: no Lucifer

-

The real header comes during the afternoon, when Lucifer doesn’t show up to the scheduled Student Council Meeting.

“Alrighty!” Diavolo says, chipper as ever, “when Lucifer gets here, we’ll start the meeting. He has all of the paperwork, anyway.” 

So they wait. And they wait.

“Yo, dude,” Mammon calls to Diavolo and he turns his head, Barbatos coughs into his fist at the lack of formality. “I don’t think Lucifer is gonna show.”

“Yeah,” Belphie yawns, “he wasn’t in school today, either.”

“Or at breakfast, apparently.” Levi says, though it’s hard to hear him over the music of his game.

“That is. Odd. Is he still at home, then?” Diavolo pulls out his phone and starts texting.

“No use,” Asmo says, “we’ve been bothering him all day.”

“Privately and in the group chat,” Satan adds. “Though, he may not have opened my messages because they were all cursed.”

“He didn’t open mine either,” Beel says. “I think he’s just been off his phone.”

“Unusual,” Barbatos says, stepping out of his shadowy corner. “Perhaps something is amiss?”

“With Lucifer?” Asmo sounds incredulous, lowering his compact just long enough to arch an eyebrow at the butler before tapping more powder on his face. “Nothing is ever wrong with Lucifer.” Belphie yawns before nodding in agreement and adding his own two cents.

“Even when we curse him things aren’t wrong. He always manages to make it seem so … normal.”

“I remember that time his pants kept falling down,” Levi says. “I thought it would make him less intimidating. I was wrong.” He shudders. “Very wrong.”

“Then why isn’t he here?” Barbatos says, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Why does he do anythin’?” Mammon stands up as he says this, grabbing his bag and his phone and making his way towards the door. “Lucifer does what he wants and shows no remorse for it.” There’s a pause where he remembers the Fall. “Mosta the time.”

“Well, if we aren’t going to do anything,” Asmo’s compact shuts with a click, “I have people to do and things to see.”

“It’s ‘things to do and people to see’, Asmo,” Satan says, following his brothers out.

“I know what I said.”

Barbatos and Diavolo watch as the brothers leave, one by one, all citing different excuses before sharing a look.

“Is it rude to stop by people’s homes uninvited, Barbatos?” Diavolo asks, pushing his chair back.

“Yes. But in cases where Lucifer is concerned, manners and politeness have never stopped you, my Lord.” Barbatos follows behind the Prince, steps silent in contrast to the clacking of Diavolo’s shoes on the Academy’s stone floors. Diavolo’s laugh echoes throughout the hallway.

“I suppose you’re right. Come, I believe I must pay a visit to my right hand.”

“Always.”

-

The House is cold when Diavolo gets there. He can hear Beel rummaging in the kitchen, and Belphie’s soft snores accompanying him. He can hear Levi and Mammon fighting over something and he can hear the thud of books falling over in Satan’s room. He can hear Asmo because Asmo greets him when he enters.

“Oh, hey!” He waves excitedly, before pointing at his feet. “Which shoes do you think look better with this outfit?”

“I think they both look nice,” Diavolo replies and Asmo pouts.

“Not helpful.”

“The ones on your left, Asmodeus.” Barbatos’ eyes peer from behind Diavolo’s shoulder and Asmo smiles in response.

“Thanks! Hey,” he tugs the shoe on his right foot off and tosses it into a pile next to the door before grabbing his left foot’s twin from seemingly nowhere, “you guys didn’t see Solomon out there, did you?”

“I thought I told you that he isn’t allowed within twenty feet of the front door.” Lucifer’s normal baritone is raspy with sickness, vocal cords raw from coughing.

“He’s not going to be within twenty feet. He’s going to stand an inch outside of the barrier.” Asmo turns and places his hands on his brother’s shoulders, spinning him around and pushing him back towards the living room. “I also thought I told you to lie down and sleep. I suppose we both aren’t good at listening, hmm?” Lucifer grumbles at him despite following Asmo’s guidance to the couch.

“I heard the door open.” Diavolo follows the duo towards the living room, Barbatos his ever present shadow.

“There are six other people who can answer it.” He watches as Asmo pushes Lucifer into a sitting position and shoves blankets around him.

“That’s what I worry about.” Asmo rolls his eyes.

“Stop being a baby and just lay down. How can you catch Mammon and string him up by his toenails if you can’t go a second without coughing?”

“I can,” Lucifer pauses to cough, “I can take any one of you down, even in this weakened state.”

There’s a snort from the entrance to the kitchen as the twins walk in, Beel carrying soup and Belphie carrying nothing.

“You couldn’t block even the lowest level curse from Satan at this rate.” Belphie says, curling up on the couch next to Lucifer and resting his head on his lap.

“I could–”

“You’re very strong, Lucifer,” Asmo placates, patting his older brother’s head condescendingly. “Now, eat your soup and shut up. I have a date to get to and I’m running late.”

“Maybe I should cough on you so you can’t go anymore.” The threat is empty, but Asmo’s smile still sharpens in response.

“Maybe I should take a seam ripper to all of your clothes,” he turns on his heel. “Oh, also. Diavolo is here.” The responding squawk Lucifer lets out sends him into another coughing fit, one that disrupts the sleeping Belphie on his lap.

“My Lord,” Lucifer makes to get up and is physically yanked back down by Belphie, “I apologize for not greeting you earlier.”

“No worries! You didn’t show up to the meeting today, and you weren’t answering your phone, so I stopped by to see how you were.” Diavolo gestures to the bottles of cold medicine on the coffee table and the bowl of soup being shoved at Lucifer by Beel. “It seems you are all taken care of.”

“Indeed. I appreciate your concern–”

“Beel, Lucifer’s boyfriend was worried about him. Isn’t that sweet?” Beel nods at Belphie’s joke, resting his head against the side of Lucifer’s knee from his newly acquired spot on the floor.

“The sweetest. Someone tell Asmo he’s being beaten in the best boyfriend competition.” There’s twin thunks as Lucifer smacks the both of them on the head, face now flushed with something other than fever.

“That’s enough out of you two.” He sighs and looks back up at Diavolo and Barbatos. “Would the two of you like to stay for dinner? Satan’s in charge tonight and he likely won’t poison it since I’m too ill to eat much of anything.”

“That would be wonderful, thank you.” Diavolo sits in an empty armchair that he thinks is Lucifer’s regular seat when his phone buzzes.

Emergency Chat ONLY

Belphie: hey satan, lucifer’s boyfriend is staying for dinner

Catan: man. now I can’t put this human world poison I found in it.

Belphie: probably wouldn’t work anyway

Beel: Barbatos is also staying

Belphie: my apologies Beel. you’re right

Belphie: lucifer’s boyfriendS are staying for dinner

Levs: this is great

Levs: I wanted to talk to Diavolo about the new chapter of the manga we’re reading

Mams: the rule is no loser talk at the dinner table

Levs: why do you open your mouth so much then

Mams: i’m gonna fucken get you

Asmo: if Lucifer gets to bring his boyfriends why can’t i bring Solomon

Catan: because Solomon sucks.

Catan: actually

Catan: would Solomon be able to con a fever high Lucifer into a pact

Mams: the downside here is that Solomon would be at dinner

Beel: I’d lose my appetite

Asmo: he’s not that bad

Asmo: and don’t lie Beel

Asmo: we aren’t going to let him cook

Asmo: we aren’t stupid

Lucifer: This chat is for emergencies only.

Belphie: i know. that’s why we’re discussing dinner

Lucifer: If I see Solomon anywhere near the House I will find a way to reverse his immortality.

Catan: wear a blindfold

Asmo: kinky

Catan: freak

Lucifer: I believe I also told you to stop referring to Diavolo and Barbatos as my boyfriends.

Mams: sucks 2 suck

Levs: L moment

Lucifer: I also believe they are in this chat.

Belphie: i know. that’s why we’re discussing dinner.

Belphie: keep up old man

Lucifer: I will remind you that you’re laying in my lap.

Belphie: what’re you gonna do

Belphie: cough on me??

Levs: chat, clip this

Mams: what was that scream???

Diavolo: Belphegor.

Barbs: Lucifer did more than just “cough on him.”

Mams: oh damn.

Mams: so what’s for dinner 

Beel: Lucifer says Belphegor stew

Mams: I thought it was Satan’s turn to cook????????

Catan: lucifer just tried to shove belphie in the oven.

Barbatos: With no seasoning? How revolting.

Diavolo: Demons taste better fried, anyway.

Mams: PARDON???

[yuzuuu4]

he's "sizing him up" or so they say

Summary:

“Haha, I didn’t think we’d meet again so soon, Red! Is this luck?” Those dead blues curve up in amused crescents, staring into Diluc’s. Who would’ve known that what he thought was a simple Fatui lackey all those years turned out to become the eleventh harbinger himself? Celestia sure knew how to play with him in the worst way possible.

And what was a chance meeting between two strangers if they were to never meet again?

That was what Diluc thought as he carefully cleaned the glass in his hands, only to nearly drop it at the sight of orange, grays, and reds at the corner of his eye.

“Haha, I didn’t think we’d meet again so soon, Red! Is this luck?” Those dead blues curve up in amused crescents, staring into Diluc’s. Who would’ve known that what he thought was a simple Fatui lackey all those years turned out to become the eleventh harbinger himself?

Celestia sure knew how to play with him in the worst way possible.

“I request that you step out of my establishment this instant,” he snaps, suddenly feeling irritated by how carefree the other seemed to be despite waltzing into his territory. It was a shame that he couldn’t bring his claymore to scare him off lest he damage his most expensive liquor behind him.

And to his further irritation, the harbinger had the gall to laugh, and somehow, he found it… pleasant? Barbatos forbid, he even dares to say that the short laugh he heard sounds like music to his ears.

Diluc’s eye twitches at the thought, and he thinks that he must be going insane.

“... … … …! … …? … … … …”

The Fatui harbinger’s mouth opens and closes as he continues talking, but Diluc decides to ignore it in favor of sizing him up. The man has certainly grown in the time that they weren’t able to see each other, and he could see the well-trained muscles hiding behind that awful coat. Tartaglia’s face also seemed to mature compared to before, looking much more slim with a slightly crooked nose from a healed broken nose.

His wandering eyes focus on the freckles he spotted on Tartaglia’s cheeks absentmindedly, his hand traitorously itching to take a pen just to connect the dots.

Damn Fatui and their unfairly attractive ginger diplomat.

“...mrade? …Master Ragnvindr, are you even listening?” Chapped lips slanted lopsidedly in a roguish smirk, and Diluc knew he stared for too long. Damn it.