#bahn bahn

[iguinn]

releasing these gposes of Berry and Raubahn into the wild!

14 y/o Berry vs 29 y/o Berry!

[bahnloopi]

Thank you, King.

[foldingfittedsheets]

I’m still pretty loopy from fatigue and I need to preface this story by stating up front that I am at like 30% brain power. Maybe less.

So my manager got us banh mi today which was deeply appreciated. He asked what I’d like and I said a pork sandwich with no cilantro or jalapeño. He said he can order without jalapeño but not cilantro. I shrugged and accepted that.

The food arrived with a rush of customers and sat waiting for us to eat it. I was the first one to finish and rush to the back, ravenous for tasty meat. There were three sandwiches. Only one had writing on it. Now in my defense when my wife and I get banh mi mine is always the one with writing because I order with substitutions.

I opened it and removed the cilantro. I bite in and I’m like. Hm. I think there’s jalapeño in here. I then look closer at the meat. It definitely looks like chicken. I poke my head out and ask my manager what he got.

He said chicken.

I said, “I’m so sorry.”

His face fell but he nodded and said, “Okay, just move the jalapeños over to one of the pork ones.”

“No but see. I really don’t want chicken. What if I just cut it?”

He agreed that that would be fine.

Two.

Hours.

Later.

He finally gets into the back and opens his sandwich. I heard a huge booming laugh. He then came out of the back room holding his sandwich and is like, “What is this???”

So I. In my infinite sleepiness. Assumed that the way to fix my crime was to cut off two inches of my sandwich to replace what I had stolen. And what he wanted was for me to cut the teeth marks off of his sandwich.

I wailed, “I’m so stupid! Of course you didn’t want two inches of my sandwich but I wanted to replace what I stole and it didn’t even occur to me to cut off the bitten part!”

He went incoherent with laughter.

[official-uebernatuerlich]

Happy Pride :)

[deutsche-bahn]

Die Tatsache, dass die Dose meiner Bluetooth-Kopfhörer und mein Anspitzer in etwa gleich aussehen verursacht keinerlei Probleme in meinem Leben. Und jetzt entschuldigt mich, ich werde mich die restlichen vier Stunden dieser Zugfahrt mit einem Anspitzer beschäftigen.

[kleinefreiheiten]

01.2020 Hamburg

[sprachgefuehle]

me posting on tumblr: I love trains, trains are soooo sexy

me in real life after one (1) single interaction with Deutsche Bahn: I need to burn something to the ground actually

[adokle]

Mighty the Viper?

Honey's giving Mighty and Ray the full Armstone experience, including a run in the viper pit, against the winner of the Viper Nutcracker Tournament no less. Naturally an exhibition between two titans might catch the eye of interested parties, such as the media mogul behind the Chaos Emerald Championship, as well as the mayor, still salty and looking for a runback. --- Just a Bahn vs. Mighty pic styled after the Fighters Megamix Saturn boxart is all. Mighty and Ray tend to get associated with Honey by fans, so it seems like a natural crossover to me.

[gatorbites-imagines]

Kinktober day 2

ftm yautja oc (Bhankui-ya) x male reader

Can Yautja be FTM? No idea, but this one can. Ive only watched one predator movie, so this is mainly just cooked up from my own imagination and attraction to Yautja, as well as the many fics I read. I used a generator for the name, so if it’s bad, blame the generator.

This is also more just “haha funny relationship between a yautja and his ooman” kinda vibes. very fun to write, i would love to write about Bhan again.

Mixed wording for the yautjas bits.

Kinktober 2024 masterlist

Dating a yautja was an… interesting experience. Bhankui-ya, or as you called him, Bhan, was no exception. But really, dating a scaley 8ft tall alien warrior who could rip your spine out of your body with his pinky really didn’t get any weirder. You were never gonna complain though, except for the times he would sit his entire weight in your lap, and you were left gasping for air. It wasn’t your fault that yautja weigh the same as three men of their size. You loved it though, and you had a feeling Bhan knew that.

How you came to date your partner, mate, as he called it, was another strange set of circumstances. You had a past of your own, and there wasn’t much left to live for. So, you had set out to take down the people who’d harmed you and your loved ones the most with you. Your body was littered with the scars they left on you, and your heart was covered in even more, aching for the siblings they’d taken from you. Be it from their abuse, or your siblings taking their own lives because of them.

It hadn’t truly registered at the time. You didn’t know what a bad blood was, or that Bhan was an enforcer. You just knew that scaley fucker, who was already missing an arm and hissing like a wet feral cat, was trying to take your kill goal from you. Bahn would later tell you, after laying in bed feeling like hed just drained the very life out of you, that you fought more feral than a kiande amedha fighting for its queen.

You still didn’t really know what that was, but you had seen skulls, trophies, Bhan kept of them. Apparently, they were a big deal, and seeing you acting like one got him wet. For some reason. But hey, you got hard seeing him cleaning his knives and spears, who were you to judge that he got heated up seeing you rip a bad bloods mandibles right out their face.

Anyways. In the end you came with him, since you’d “proven yourself” somehow. And having literally nothing and no one on earth, you just followed. You were no warrior or hunter, at least nothing compared to yautja. But you had a “look in your eye” in Bhans words, or rather clicks. The implant to understand him still itched at times. You just “needed to unleash it” whatever that meant.

Turns out the one place you can unleash this so-called power is in the bedroom. Because, where yautja may be the superiors in many ways, it seems in the way of the body humans were still more advanced. Bhan would tell you it was because “Oomans like you are controlled by bodily urges”, you just think he’s jealous you used to fuck a toy before you met him.

You honestly felt like you were on top of the world the first time you used a vibrator on his clits, because apparently his people had three. Seeing him rip holes in his seat and how he would arch, and roar made you feel euphoric, it had to be the same rush Bhan felt on a good kill. But instead, you got it from making him squirt so hard his legs were shaking.

You never got to live on that high for very long. Apparently Bahn liked to “peel you back down again” so you “didn’t get too confident”. Apparently, a confident hunter was a dead hunter, or something like that. It was pretty hard to think about his “lessons” when he was riding you though, his sheer bulk slamming down on your already aching human hips until you were making noises similar to the creatures he hunted when they were dying.

That didn’t stop you from stocking up on toys though. The next time you came to earth, you scrounged up money one way or the other, and immediately entered the best quality shop you could find. Bhankui-ya was off doing whatever he needed to do, and in the meantime you were trying to find out which wand would work on him.

The conversation with the store clerk was embarrassing, to you at least. They seemed quite entertained as you fumbled out that you were trying to find something that would work on your “taller than you can imagine, buff as hell and more dangerous than a tiger on steroids” partner. They were very helpful though, and even gave you some discounts and wished you luck on your way, as you stumbled out of the store with at least two bags on each arm.

It was only experience at this point that helped you remember where the ship was, since it was invisible and all that. But as you got inside you immediately clambered off to the bedroom, where you got to work. Bhankui-ya wouldn’t know what hit him when he got back, you would make sure of that.

Of course, you shouldn’t have been surprised when your mate came back beaten and bloody, but lugging the bad bloods head under his arm. You had gained a fascination with seeing the heads of his kills, alright? So, what if it made you morbid. And Bhan? He just seemed to almost preen as you oohd and aahd over his kill.

Patching him up was a couple’s activity, mainly just because you liked patching him up, and Bhan liked when you did it. He could have easily fixed himself up with the many tools he got as a yautja, but where was the fun in that, when he got to see his little blood thirsty ooman patch him up instead. Bhan did have to stop you from licking his blood up at times, lest he decided to ride you right then and there.

In the end you forgot all about the wide array of toys youd laid out in the bedroom, in the order you planned to use them on him. You sent Bhan on his way, deciding to be a good mate and drag his heavy as fuck armour and weapons off to where they needed to go for cleaning and polishing. It caused aches in your back, but Bhans purrs made it all worth it.

Walking into the bedroom Bhankui-ya got to see your little plan, and if the hunt and your pampering, as well as that flicker of bloodlust in your eyes hadn’t got him wet, then this did. How sweet of you, his little mate, to want to pamper him this way. Had you remembered it was your anniversary? (you hadn’t) how could he not use the gifts you set out.

Walking into the bedroom to see Bhan fucking himself with one of the toys, a vibrator against his clits made you almost pass out. Hed even worked one of the plugs into his other hole, his muscular thighs spread wide open as he purred in your direction, his noise like a siren call that had you stumbling over your own feet, almost making you eat floor.

Bahn had tried to laugh at your stumbling, but you were on his slit like a starved animal. It was only the fact that Bahn let you that you got the vibrator away from his nubs, mainly because he loved your mouth on him. It was just so much nicer to have a human eat him out than a fellow yautja, he had taken lips for granted his entire life.

Having just gotten back from a hunt left him more pliable, and willing to go along with your whims. Which was how you got four of those wired vibrators strapped to his thighs, and up his cunt, set to the highest setting as you fucked into his ass. The wand youd bought was worth all the money as well, as you used it to swap from one bundle of nerves to the other, Bhankui-ya howling loud enough that your ears were ringing. You wouldn’t be shocked if they were bleeding, but did you care? No, no you did not.

The adrenaline from his hunt, your powerful scent of want and hunger, and just the fact that Bhankui-ya didn’t indulge in other mates before you, left him sensitive and so needy, something you gladly abused any chance you got.

The bed needed to be completely replaced afterwards, but that’s how it went every time you got him like this. Never in your dreams did you think you could have someone as powerful and dangerous as Bhan, limp and panting, his entire body shaking and spent. Seeing his mandibles quivering always made your heart lurch, it felt like a symbol that you had done it all right.

Times like this were never about you or getting you off. But you also knew Bhan wouldn’t accept it if you didn’t get to finish too, so you always did it wherever he wanted it most. There was little chance of you two having offspring, mainly because Bhan had an implant that made pregnancy impossible. Because, unsurprisingly, yautja had even better prevention care than humans could ever dream off. You swore you heard him chirping about pups every now and then though, when you had him so wrung out that his eyes kept rolling back, even when you weren’t doing more than petting his torso.

Aftercare was also something Bhankui-ya could appreciate that came from humans. Yautja did care for each other after mating, but it was mainly just to patch each other up if it got bloody, or feeding the other food and water. Being rubbed all over and massaged was enjoyable, so you wouldn’t catch Bhankui-ya complaining.

You both knew you were gonna be the one shaking and limping in a few days though. He couldn’t let you get too confident, now, could he? Maybe hed even show you how some of the weapons he owned could be used in more… fun and creative ways.

[iguinn]

screaming crying and throwing up

[bahnloopi]

"DON'T TAKE THAT PIC-"

Happy Mother's Day!

[foldingfittedsheets]

One of the bummers of being a super taster is how Big mold tastes. And because I can taste it before it’s actually sprouting I’m often disbelieved. Like, sorry restaurant. I know I’ve gotten this sandwich before and I know your cucumber is usually fresh, but today it’s moldy. I understand you can’t see the mold. But I swear. It’s there.

Tonight we had hot dogs and we picked up the buns today. Unfortunately neither of us realized the best by date was also today. The first bun I had was fine but I hit corruption midway down the second bun. I just ate the hotdog bun less, but we had to scrap the rest of the bag.

[your-friendly-sleep-demoness]

our good friend jonathan just had his first experience with the deutsche bahn, i sure hope that this is the only horror awaiting him

[communist-hatsunemiku]

po_thepotato

[deutsche-bahn]

Meine Tante hat sich nach der Scheidung ein Haus gekauft. Nicht irgendein Haus, sondern ein Türmchen mit Anbau aus dem 14. Jahrhundert. In einen der Balken im Innenraum sind Graffitis aus dem Jahre 1537 geschnitzt. Schon irgendwie cool

Meine Tante wäre nicht sie selbst, wenn sie ihre komplette Deko nicht von Mittelaltermärkten bekommen würde. Also, größtenteils Felle.

In ihrem Schafspelzfriedhof von einem Eigenheim fehlte jetzt nur noch eins: Ihr Exmann reagierte allergisch auf Katzen. Zwei Jahre nach ihrer Scheidung holte sie sich also ein kleines Maine Coon Kitten ins Haus. Aw.

Das Kätzchen verbrachte seine Zeit damit, auf den Schultern von ihr und ihrem Freund durch die Gegend getragen zu werden. Sehr süß, 10/10. Seitdem ist das Kätzchen leider zu einer beachtlichen Katze von 7kg geworden (mit einem Jahr- das ist in etwa das gleiche Kaliber wie mein Sportmops in dem Alter). Diese sieben Kilo Katze nutzte das Gebälk des Hauses liebend gerne als Kletterwald, oder legte sich flach auf irgendwelche Felle, auf denen sie dann kaum noch zu erkennen war. Auf Schultern lässt sie sich trotzdem gerne noch tragen.

Das ganze läuft dann aber so ab: Du möchtest deine Tante besuchen. Stehst gerade für vielleicht 30 Sekunden im Wohnzimmer. Spürst vielleicht, wenn du ganz viel Glück hast, einen Luftzug. Denkst dann dass du dir gerade das Schlüsselbein zertrümmert hast, weil 7kg Katze mit abartiger Präzision aus dem Gebälk auf dich runterfallen, killing you instantly.

[dat-carovieh]

Ich bin ja der Meinung, dass Züge regelmäßig ~20 Minuten, ~40 Minuten Verspätung haben ist ein nicht einhalten des Vertrags, den ich beim Ticketkauf geschlossen habe. Wenn ich einen Zug buche, mit dem ich 14 Uhr ankommen soll und 14:30 ankomme ist die vertragliche Leistung nicht erfüllt und ich muss meine Seite trotzdem erfüllen.

Wie oft ich Hotels buchen muss und frei nehmen muss, weil ich einen Tag früher irgendwo hin fahren muss, weil man sich nie darauf verlassen kann, dass man halbwegs pünktlich ankommt.

Erst ab einer Stunde Entschädigung bekommen und dann nur 25%, das geht nicht. Die Konsequenzen müssen krasser sein. Ab 20 Minuten muss das anfangen, ab 1 Stunde 50%, ab 2 Stunden 100% zurück.

Oh letzter Zug fällt aus? Glückwunsch DB ihr dürft jetzt eine Hotelübernachtung zahlen.

Die schlechte Leitung müssen starke Konsequenzen haben sonst haben sie keine Motivation was zu ändern.