#bad pickup line

[thraxxia]

hey i saw you from across the bar and i'm not wearing my glasses but may i say you're a very attractive blur

[docker-official]

I might be a containerization platform but nothing can contain my love for you

[salmondermatologist]

Hey girl, are you a heavy whipping cream, because I'd love to beat you until you form stiff peaks

[mlobsters]

jared padalecki and jensen ackles spn chicago con 2024 - gold panel

you spin me right round, baby right round, like a record, baby

[softiedingo]

The Single Dad's Guide to Flirting + Reactions.

↳ created and tested by Mobius M. Mobius.

+

when the table turns:

[petiteechorizon]

Happy Valentine’s Day! Sending u lots of love today~ ♡

(these are available as free printable cards and phone wallpapers on my k0-fi)

[deviantplum]

Hey Baby, just call me CrowdStrike, because I'll go down so hard I'll crash your whole system.

[northern-punk-lad]

I want a guy to wreck me like liz truss wrecked the economy

[liliewrites]

Hello, I wanted to ask your opinion about Arlecchino's relationship with the MILF reader!female?

TO WHOEVER YOU ARE ANON, SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO ANSWER UR QUESTION AAAAA LOL

BUT, regarding arlecchino's relationship with milf reader, i'd like to think that arlecchino's utterly enamored with you. she may not show it often and well, but she is. for years, she's been taking care of children. she loves them, yes. she loves to see you take care of them too. the concept of loving a child, raising a child and all the troubles along with it are all too familiar to her, but she loves you and the kids nonetheless.

but the moment she sees you holding her very own child in your arms?

she'll never let a day pass without telling you how much she appreciates you. to see you go through the hardships of carrying her kids, to see you risk your life for them, and to see you holding them with such affection in your eyes? yeah. her life is yours. everything. she'll look at you with a gaze saying "shit, that's the mother of my kids" every single day. also you've just become 10x more hotter in her eyes lol expect her to shower you with a variety of praises everyday, sometimes even "why don't we put another bun in the oven" type of flirtatious remarks bwahahahha.

[warpedhound]

[elizakai]

Ven aquí, nena~✨

(yaoi nightmare, at the request of @swiftmitsu. blame them for this. :))

[thraxxia]

hey can i practice asking you out with you?

[stanpineskisser]

Is it bad that Stan’s corny jokes and bad flirting would absolutely work on me

[li-an-nie]

Hey there ♡

You. What's your name?

Oh? You don't wanna tell me? That's fine~

I'll just call you my empress 🌹💙

...

Can't believe I just made that up

I like when this mf is angry but it's good for him to smile once in a while (whether genuine or not..?)

Also I know his face/shirt is flipped but it looks better from this angle xD

[not-so-legendary-legendarium]

Very Bad Pick-Up Lines

Fëanorians edition

Maedhros: I would lose my hand inside you

Maglor: I'll make you sing the whole musical scale

Celegorm: Wild boar, I will be your hunter

Caranthir: I fill you like my bank account

Curufin: I'll slam you on my anvil

Amrod and Amras: We will no longer make you understand the difference between your mouth and your pussy

I'm (not) sorry

[marauderstars]

Sirius: Knock knock.

Remus: Who’s there?

Sirius: Wendy.

Remus: Wendy who?

Sirius: Wendya think we can go on a date?

Remus: …

Sirius: …

Sirius: I’ll see myself out.