#bad pickup line

[lunarsorcerer]

hey i saw you from across the bar and i'm not wearing my glasses but may i say you're a very attractive blur

[docker-official]

I might be a containerization platform but nothing can contain my love for you

[salmondermatologist]

Hey girl, are you a heavy whipping cream, because I'd love to beat you until you form stiff peaks

[softiedingo]

The Single Dad's Guide to Flirting + Reactions.

↳ created and tested by Mobius M. Mobius.

+

when the table turns:

[petiteechorizon]

Happy Valentine’s Day! Sending u lots of love today~ ♡

(these are available as free printable cards and phone wallpapers on my k0-fi)

[northern-punk-lad]

I want a guy to wreck me like liz truss wrecked the economy

[liliewrites]

Hello, I wanted to ask your opinion about Arlecchino's relationship with the MILF reader!female?

TO WHOEVER YOU ARE ANON, SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO ANSWER UR QUESTION AAAAA LOL

BUT, regarding arlecchino's relationship with milf reader, i'd like to think that arlecchino's utterly enamored with you. she may not show it often and well, but she is. for years, she's been taking care of children. she loves them, yes. she loves to see you take care of them too. the concept of loving a child, raising a child and all the troubles along with it are all too familiar to her, but she loves you and the kids nonetheless.

but the moment she sees you holding her very own child in your arms?

she'll never let a day pass without telling you how much she appreciates you. to see you go through the hardships of carrying her kids, to see you risk your life for them, and to see you holding them with such affection in your eyes? yeah. her life is yours. everything. she'll look at you with a gaze saying "shit, that's the mother of my kids" every single day. also you've just become 10x more hotter in her eyes lol expect her to shower you with a variety of praises everyday, sometimes even "why don't we put another bun in the oven" type of flirtatious remarks bwahahahha.

[not-so-legendary-legendarium]

Very Bad Pick-Up Lines

Fëanorians edition

Maedhros: I would lose my hand inside you

Maglor: I'll make you sing the whole musical scale

Celegorm: Wild boar, I will be your hunter

Caranthir: I fill you like my bank account

Curufin: I'll slam you on my anvil

Amrod and Amras: We will no longer make you understand the difference between your mouth and your pussy

I'm (not) sorry

[warpedhound]

[elizakai]

Ven aquí, nena~✨

(yaoi nightmare, at the request of @swiftmitsu. blame them for this. :))

[stanpineskisser]

Is it bad that Stan’s corny jokes and bad flirting would absolutely work on me

[lunarsorcerer]

hey can i practice asking you out with you?

[li-an-nie]

Hey there ♡

You. What's your name?

Oh? You don't wanna tell me? That's fine~

I'll just call you my empress 🌹💙

...

Can't believe I just made that up

I like when this mf is angry but it's good for him to smile once in a while (whether genuine or not..?)

Also I know his face/shirt is flipped but it looks better from this angle xD

[marauderstars]

Sirius: Knock knock.

Remus: Who’s there?

Sirius: Wendy.

Remus: Wendy who?

Sirius: Wendya think we can go on a date?

Remus: …

Sirius: …

Sirius: I’ll see myself out.

[sweatsnervously47]

Knitting pickups lines:

I’m like wool, I’ll keep you warm even when wet.

Want to get felt up? Because I got some warm water and friction.

Ever heard of a Russian join? Because I want to tie our ends together.

[thegreatgremlingang]

Jin Guangyao, swiping a credit card on Lan Xichen's bootycrack: Hello Fine Sir May I Purchase Some Gyat

Nie Mingjue: YOUR CARD HAS BEEN DECLINED FBI OPEN UP

*lan xichen.exe has stopped working*