#bad idea cause my mom is the type of person who thinks ''everyone is a little autistic'' which is stupid but anyways she didn't believe me

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

[dorabellingham]

Boyfriend material

headcanon

characters: jude x fem!reader

may contain spelling and translation errors!

1. Affectionate in small gestures

Jude is the kind of boyfriend who pays attention to small details and uses them to surprise you. He remembers your favorite coffee, the way you like your blankets made, or how you like your eggs scrambled. No matter how busy he is with games and practices, he always finds time to send you messages like:

“Just a reminder that you are amazing. Can’t wait to see you later.”

“I love you so much babe, remember to eat and drink water. Counting down the hours until I see you.”

2. Protective, but just right

Jude is naturally protective. He holds your hand in crowds, walks outside on sidewalks, and his gaze automatically scans for anything that might make you uncomfortable. He’s not controlling, but if someone crosses the line, like making disrespectful comments, his smile disappears and he deals with the situation firmly and respectfully.

3. Romantic at heart

Jude specializes in surprises. He doesn't wait for special occasions to show his love; he might show up with flowers because he saw one that reminded you of one, or organize an outdoor picnic for a quiet moment away from the cameras. When he's traveling, he'll write you notes and leave them hidden around the house for you to find while he's away.

"Hi, sweetie, if you found this note, it means I'm almost home. Love you!"

4. Unconditional support

No matter what your dream or struggle, Jude is there to support you. He listens attentively when you share your ideas or concerns, offers advice when asked, and is your biggest cheerleader in any endeavor. During difficult times, he is your rock, always transmitting calm and security.

5. Playful manner

Jude has an infectious sense of humor. He loves to make inside jokes, tickle you unexpectedly, and come up with cute and silly nicknames. Sometimes, he'll even steal food from your plate just to watch you complain, and then laugh, returning the forkful with a mischievous look.

"Hey babe, I think I'm in the mood for some of your dessert... How about sharing it with me, huh?"

6. Family first

He loves spending time with his family and includes you in everything. From quiet evenings watching TV with his parents to lively lunches with his brother Jobe, Jude makes sure you feel like you’re part of his personal life.

“Honey, my mom invited us to have lunch with her tomorrow, do you want to go with me?”

7. Undivided attention

Even though he's a star, when he's with his girlfriend, he have you undivided attention. Jude is the type of guy who puts his phone on airplane mode during a dinner date or a lazy afternoon and makes sure to maintain eye contact during conversations, showing that you're a priority.

8. A little jealous, but adorable

Jude trusts you, but he can't help but feel a touch of jealousy when someone is too obvious about flirting. He doesn't cause a scene, but his arm around you becomes tighter, and he makes a point of referring to you as "my girl" in conversation.

9. Loves routine

He loves the little things: sharing a couch to watch a bad movie, cooking together, and even going out to buy last-minute groceries. For Jude, anything with you is better than the most glamorous life without you.

"Babe, how about we watch a movie together tonight? It's raining and I wanted to stay with you."

10. Proud

Jude always finds a way to show you how special you are. Whether in public or in private, he doesn't hide how much he admires you and makes sure you know how amazing he thinks you are.

"I think everyone should know that I have the most amazing girlfriend in the entire world!"

[websterss]

HOW TO BREAK A GIRL'S HEART — TOM HOLLAND

REQUEST: I don’t know if you’re that type of person who takes requests but I had an idea with tom holland where he’s the stereotypical jock and you’re the nerdy girl but here’s the thing you’re also diagnosed with cancer and he keeps bullying you every single day of the week until when he figures out you have cancer then he starts to feel guilty and starts to fall for you, but you try to be sympathetic by saying that it’s not his fault for all of this and etc just a thought by the way.

WARNING(S): Angst, mentions of cancer, fluff at the end, teasing, name-calling, bullying.

WORD COUNT: 19,121 :)

PAIRING: Tom Holland x Sick!Reader

A/N: I hope you enjoy it! Old repost! Feedback is always welcomed. Also be nice, 16 year old me wrote this, but I gave it more structure lmfao but it was kind of sweet to read some of my old works lol. This was honestly one of the better ones I found.

MASTERLIST

Growing up you had made it your life's mission to try to find a way to get through school. That mission involved trying to make friends and make the best out of everything, which now seemed like a wish you could only dream of. School felt like it never got any easier. Throughout it, you realize who were your true friends and who weren’t at all.

Especially when high school rolled around the corner. You got teased and picked on a lot more. You liked to think it was because you were sick. You had cancer, and as much as you hated it your mom had been hesitant about letting you attend school. She was scared something bad was going to happen. You didn’t have anyone to have your back. You didn’t have many friends.

Unless you counted your mere acquaintances, but you hardly ever spoke to them. You were pretty much alone, and as much as you wanted to believe that you got picked on because you were sick. You were wrong because no one knew. No one knew you were sick and they teased and picked on you because of who you were and how you carried yourself, it had nothing to do with you being sick.

-

Monday.

You were in front of your locker reading your favorite book, Jane Eyre. Your locker’s door blocked any view of anyone who could come up from your right. You quickly got startled when Tom appeared. He slammed the door against the wall of lockers to your right and then leaned against it.

You bookmarked your page before putting it in your locker face down. Tom’s signature smirk plastered on his lips.

“Oh hi, Tom.” You smiled nervously not knowing why he decided to approach you.

Tom never really approached anyone outside of his inner circle of friends. Being the star quarterback gave him leverage around the school, plus made him quite popular. Everyone knew who he was. So for him to approach you, someone who liked to keep to herself, and was at the bottom of the status level, it was a little surprising. You weren’t sure of what he wanted but you were about to find out.

“Can I help you?”

“I was just curious. Where did you get your sweater?” Tom said as if he was curious.

“My sweater? Oh, my mom bought it for me, it actu-” 

Tom raised his hand to stop you. “I wasn’t actually interested, but nice to know mommy’s the one dressing you up for school.” He started laughing.

“Oh um, I–” You sputtered.

“I, uh, eh.” He mocked you. “Is there something wrong? Cat got your tongue sweetheart?”

“Is that all you wanted?” You muttered softly while you played with the hem of your sleeve.

Tom’s gaze lingered on you for a minute before he shot a glance behind your shoulder looking over at his buddies and his girlfriend who were laughing. The laugh was directed at you. They thought of you as a joke.

“Yeah…that’s all.” He brushed whatever he was feeling off and brought himself to let a laugh emit past his lips. His shoulder brushed yours as he began walking away, the contact causing you to fall into the lockers a bit. You followed his retreating form back to his friends. They were already staring at you, what else was new?

You turned back to your locker, grabbed your book, and placed it in your backpack. It wasn’t too long before the bell rang for your next class. Your class was in the direction where Tom and his friends were standing. You began walking, taking one step after another until you were close to them, that’s when you began walking by them faster. As you hurried along, you didn’t notice Tom’s girlfriend extending out her foot, which had you tripping over it in an instant. Your knees hit the ground harshly, the stinging of the pain flowing through your legs. As harsh as your landing was, the rest of the student body laughing at you was much harsher.

“What a joke!” Tom’s girlfriend laughed along with everyone else.

You gathered yourself onto your feet and quickly moved through the hallway away from everyone’s finger-pointing and cackling. Once you reached your class you felt like you could finally breathe again. You gave your focus on what you had been learning that day in class.

-

Tuesday.

As the next day came around you did your very best to avoid the jocks altogether. Mostly Tom. Who knew the star quarterback was a total jerk? Was jerk even enough to describe him? You shook your head at the thought as you tried to focus your attention back on your book. It was your fathers who passed away before your senior year. It seemed as though the book was the only thing that made him a part of you still. He still was, in your heart at least.

He read you the book every night before bedtime. Now all you could do was read it over and over again. As soon as you were down to the very last word of the page you were on, the book was swiped from your hands. Bringing you back from your inner thoughts you looked up to find

Tom. You looked up from your empty hands. You were never one to make a scene so all you did was sit on the floor there looking at him with furrowed brows.

“C-Can I have my book back please?” You muttered. You started playing with the hem of your sleeve again.

“Why don’t you come and get it.” Tom smirked as he started walking backwards. You looked at him worried. You glanced around noticing everyone in the library was minding their own business. There wasn’t anyone in the aisle you were in.

He wanted you to chase him, and you were under strict instructions from the doctor to not do any physical activities. Running included.

“I-I can’t, please can I just have my book back?” You pleaded softly as you stood up and stepped closer to him only to have him take one step back.

“Fine, you want your book…” Tom lifted his arm and threw it over your head. You turned around quickly. Standing behind you was a buddy of Tom’s with your book in his hands. You were shocked and outnumbered at this point.

“Can I please have my book back?” You stared at Tom’s friend with pleading eyes.

“Since you asked so nicely.” He smiled then threw the book over your head again. Tom caught it while laughing. The two of them continued this childish game of monkey in the middle.

The only thing you could feel and think at that moment was why…Why me?

“Tom please!” You begged this time. “I’ll do whatever you want just please hand it back…please.” You sighed in defeat.

Watching your shoulders slump down, Tom paused. His arm went back down. “Anything?” He asked with a hint of curiosity and something else you couldn’t pinpoint.

“Y-Yes.” You hesitate but answer him.

“Alright…” He smirked as he walked closer to you. “Kiss me.” He smirked cockily. “W-What?” You looked at him startled by his request.

“I’ll give you your book back if you kiss me.” Tom kept smirking.

“Don’t you have a girlfriend?” You asked, incredulous.

“Don't you want your book back, Y/n?”

“Yes.” Your voice was small.

It was just a kiss, right? No harm no foul.

Tom stood still as you took a step forward and placed your hands on his shoulder. You gulped nervously before leaning in to kiss him. You closed your eyes tightly as you pressed your lips to his slowly. Something inside Tom caused him to flutter his eyes and place his hands on your waist. The kiss only lasted for a minute, but that didn’t help the way Tom felt his stomach do flips.

Tom pulled back first watching the way your eyes were still closed and how your lips looked inviting. You opened your e/c eyes. Yes e/c, that’s what Tom immediately noticed about them. Then his gaze quickly averted behind you to Harrison, who was giving him a questioning look, and the very reason for teasing you came flooding back into his head.

Tom licked his lips and scoffed to play off what just happened. “You’re so easy.” He began laughing and handed you your book.

You grabbed it from his hand and curled it into your chest. “Thanks.” You glanced down at your feet.

“Yeah, whatever.” Tom shook his head and walked off with Harrison.

You slowly stopped at the end of the aisle and peeked to see Tom meet his girlfriend at the entrance of the library with a kiss. You watched him take her hand and head upstairs to the second floor of the library with smirks on their faces.

You sighed as you took your seat on the carpet again and began reading where you left off. This time without any interruptions.

-

Wednesday.

You were at lunch eating by yourself when Tom’s girlfriend approached you along with her little clique behind her. You were reading your dad’s book when you noticed her. You wanted to do everything you could to make yourself invisible, but the grip on her smoothie was making you anxious.

You placed your bookmark back on the page you were reading and gave her your attention. “Can I help you?” You asked her softly.

“Actually, you can.” Harper sat down in front of you with a smile that screamed trouble.

“O-Okay.”

Awe she’s adorable, Harper thought. “So Sally-” She started.

“It’s Y/n.” You laughed nervously.

“Whatever. Look I know you’re a sweet girl and all, but you sure do lead people on. Making them believe you’re all innocent.” She put her hands together on the table.

“W-What?” You shrunk a little. “What are you talking-” You began but she cut you off.

-

“Hey Tom, what’s Harper doing with the freak?” Harrison pointed out motioning over Tom’s shoulder.

“What?” Tom furrowed his brows and turned around in his seat. That’s when he saw his girlfriend seated in front of you. His heart dropped a little, but he didn’t let anyone see that. “Who knows…she’s probably helping the poor girl out. She’s got to update that wardrobe of hers. Harper's probably just giving her some pointers, right?” He chuckled bumping shoulders with his buddy on his right.

“You're probably right. That sweater does hide her well. You think she’s got any?” Harrison laughed.

“Got what?” Tom asked.

“You know…” Harrison made a gesture over his chest.

“Harrison, no mate, just no. Quit being a perv you div. Your mother taught you better than that.” Tom shook his head

“I’m just saying…” Harrison raised his hands in surrender.

-

“-So a little birdy told me about your little stunt in the library. I’m not one to get jealous seeing as there is no one good enough for my Tommy, but I do get mad when little girls like you think you can take our boyfriends.” Harper stared you down.

“No, no, look you got it all wrong. He tricked me, he kissed me first. I would never do that. I’m not like that!” You began rambling already feeling like this whole conversation was going to take a turn.

“That’s the thing though, you all say the same thing before you pounce…” She trailed off before standing up, and right as she turned her back for a second, she said. “Oh yeah, one more thing...” Harper swirled around and threw the smoothie at you. The contents spilling all over you, and your book.

You gasped as you tried wiping the drink away from your eyes. It started stinging and irritating your eyes quickly. You stood up slowly, but even that caused you to slip a little. You finally looked up, and at that moment you wished you hadn’t. Half of the student body was either staring at you or taking a video of you. The rest were laughing at you. Your eyes stopped on a certain someone, and all they could do was stare at you. You averted your gaze back to Harper.

“I-I’m sorry.” Your voice grew small. You didn’t care anymore that phones were flashing at you or that people were cackling at you again.

“I’m not.” Harper laughed.

You quickly turned your head to collect your bag, and as you did so. Harper snatched the book from the table and hid it behind her back. You turned back and left without saying another word. Harper waved you goodbye, laughing as you slipped again right before exiting the cafeteria. “That should keep her away.”

“Nice one Harper.”

“Maybe she'll rethink her intentions before she kisses Tom again.” She giggled and walked towards Tom.

“Hey, baby.” She placed herself on his lap and kissed him deeply. “Did you see that freakshow, my goodness what a joke.” She laughed as Tom wrapped his arms around her waist.

“Don’t you think you went a little too far?” Tom tilted his head.

“Of course not, besides, I had to let her know who you belong to.” She leaned forward and caught his lower lip with her teeth biting on them gently before pulling back.

Harper smiled and turned her gaze to Harrison. “Hey, Harrison, happy birthday.” She giggled as she threw him your book.

“It’s not my birthday, though,” Harrison said. Tom quickly recognized it and grabbed it.

“You took her book?” He furrowed his brows in question.

“I don’t know, the freak left it behind. Did you see her face? I got her so good!” Harper's eyes widened. A smile dawning her features.

“Yeah, I did, hey why don’t I take it and the next time I get her alone, I’ll taunt her with it.” He turned to Harper.

“Oh, that's a good idea.” Harper got off his lap. “I’ll see you in a bit?”

“Yeah, I just remembered I have to go do something. Sorry, I’ll make it up to you.” Tom got up from the table and pecked her lips quickly. “Okay?”

“Okay, I’ll see you tonight then?”

“Yeah.” Tom smiled and walked out of the cafeteria with your book. Leaving Harper and Harrison by themselves since the rest of their group left. The cafeteria was deserted apart from the lunch ladies, but they were too busy in the back of the kitchen.

Harper sighed. “Do you know what’s going on with him?”

“No, not a clue.” Harrison dismissed her question quickly.

-

Thursday.

After what happened yesterday. Tom held onto your book. He had the urge to approach you and return it, but he found another way. Then he was reminded of the way his friends might react or the way they might tease him. The pressure was always on him. Whether it be leading his team to a win, or trying to keep his friends. Now the pressure was directed towards you and whether or not he would tease and taunt you.

“Tom and Y/n…” Tom looked upright as the teacher called your names. He looked around until he found you in your seat. Others around him began laughing quietly and whispering amongst themselves. Expressing their pity to him for being paired with you. You slowly sunk into your chair as you felt everyone staring at you. They already thought you were trying to steal Harper’s boyfriend, now you knew this little class pairing would spread around to Harper.

No avoiding the tension now, you thought.

As the teacher finished calling the rest of the names, the bell rang letting everyone know they were dismissed which in your case, was a free period. You collected your notebook and placed it in your bag. After you were all packed you exited the room and started your walk to the library.

“Hey, Y/n wait up!” You stiffened up as you heard his voice. You cringed slightly as people stopped to look at you. You turned around slowly and faced him.

“Y-Yes?”

“Listen I um…” He was going to say sorry, but Harper caught his attention from down the hall, and he sighed.

“Yes?” You repeated, wanting him to let it out.

“I don’t think I’m going to be able to help out with the project. I would love to help you, but I got a lot on my plate, ya know.” He chuckled as if you understood where he was coming from. “With practice and the stacks of homework, I got, I’m slammed. If you could not tell Mr. Stevenson about it that’d be great. Don’t want him thinking I made you do all the work now do we?”

“Y-You want me to do the whole project?” You asked quickly, getting upset.

“It doesn’t seem like it’s going to be hard, you’re a smart girl Y/n. Look I gotta get to practice, but let me know how it goes, okay.” He threw you a gentle smile, and you almost believed he thought you were smart. “Hey, Harper wait up!” He called his girlfriend’s name.

You sighed and walked slowly to the library. You wanted to read your dad’s book, but you didn’t have it anymore. You also wanted to brainstorm ideas with Tom, but he blew you off and left it all for you to do. As you got to the library you placed your things down at your designated table and started getting your notebook out.

“Hello, Y/n.” You looked up at the librarian who now stood in front of your table. “Hi Grace, how are you today?” You smiled sweetly at the old lady.

“Oh, I’m fine dear, how are you though?” Grace knew what you were going through and she knew about your cancer. One or some few you’ve only told this to.

“Taking it one day at a time…I’m still waiting for a good day.” You halfheartedly laughed.

“You know every day may not always be the greatest, but there are small great things within that day. So, anything good happen, today?” She smiled softly.

“This cute guy was assigned to be my partner for a project.” You smiled but it quickly faded.

“What’s wrong with that?!”

“He’s the guy that’s been making my life hell, and now I'm left to do this project on my own...” You mumble quietly towards the end to yourself.

“Oh, I see…” She nodded. “Ya know, guys usually pick on girls they like.” She teased with a smirk.

“Trust me, he doesn’t like me.”

“I beg to differ.” Grace brought around something that she was hiding behind her back into your view. It was your book. Your dad’s book. You gasped as you slowly took it from her hand.

“W-Where did you get this?” You looked at her with curiosity.

“My lips are sealed, honey.” She zipped her lips with her pointer finger and thumb and threw away the fake key.

“Thank you.” You smiled.

“Of course, dear, enjoy the rest of your day.”

“I will.” You laughed with a breath.

You glanced down at the book and caressed the edges. Apart from the worn-out pages and the faded smoothie stains, the book was just fine. No tears or anything. It wasn’t ruined and you were glad Harper didn’t do anything more to it.

-

Friday.

Out of breath. That’s what you were feeling. Your chest was heaving up and down and your body was growing tired. This had to be the worst day of all for you. No physical activities. That’s what your doctor told you, and now you were running. The one thing that you shouldn’t have been doing.

“T-Tom!” You yelled after him as you were currently chasing him down the halls of the school. People were pushing themselves against the lockers and walls not wanting to get pushed out the way. The look of determination on your face was enough to let people know not to push you any more than Tom was doing.

As stupid as it may have been he took your backpack. Who would take a backpack?! Tom, that’s who. He caught you off guard when he snagged it and took off running. That’s when you took off in a sprint. And now if you didn’t stop you felt like you’d probably throw up or something.

“T-Tom just give it back please!” You said out of breath.

“Oh come on now, Y/n. You can’t be that tired now.” He chuckled as a crowd started gathering. Tom was on the last step of the stairs that led to the second floor of the school, which did not look inviting at all. “You want the backpack, come get it.” Tom started going up the stairs.

Taunting you as you took small steps to the stairs.

You paused, placing your hands on your knees. Looking down at your feet trying to control your breathing. You almost did a double-take when you noticed a small drop of red hit the ground.

You quickly brought your hand up to your nose and removed it as you realized you were bleeding. Your heart was thumping loudly in your ears and all the loud laughter coming from everyone was causing you to panic. You were growing overwhelmed and a little dizzy now.

“Looks like the freak can’t handle a joke. Go on, it’s your time to shine. Go after my boyfriend, go get your stuff, before I flush it down the toilet.” It was Harper’s voice that you heard off to your left. You were still facing the stairs, but you didn’t move.

“Come on Y/n. Unless nothing in here actually matters to you.” Tom smirked. You finally looked up at him and he immediately took notice of the dried blood beginning to drip down the edge of your nose. The dazed look you were giving him made him straighten up.

“Y/n?” His voice sounded muffled and right as you took a step forward you were falling to the ground.

You crashed to the ground hard and the crowd grew silent as they suddenly realized what happened. Tom’s breath hitched in the back of his throat as he stood motionless. It wasn’t until a girl pushed her way to the front of the crowd and rushed to your side.

“Oh my god, Y/n.” She shook you awake and then looked at everyone else. “Why the hell are you all standing there? Call an ambulance, oh my god, Y/n. Help!” She yelled at everyone who just stood there.

Tom then finally rushed down to your side and lifted your head on his lap. “Y/n? Can you hear me?”

“Tom, what the hell are you doing?!” Harper grew angry.

“Harper shut the hell up and get a teacher!” Tom looked at everyone who stood there pissed. “Quit standing there and move!” Everyone scrambled then and there.

A couple of seconds passed and Mr. Stevenson and Grace came rushing down the hall along with the principal.

“How did this happen?” The principal cut right to the point.

“She-” Alice began, but Tom cut her off.

“It was my fault, sir. I pushed her too far, and she fainted.” Tom admitted taking full responsibility for everything.

“Holland, come with me.” The principal motioned with his finger leading him to his office. “Mr. Stevenson stay with her until the paramedics get here.”

“I will sir.” So that left Grace, Alice, and Mr. Stevenson with you, unconscious.

“Hang in there kid, help is on its way.” Grace held onto your hand brushing away falling hairs from your face.

-

“Want to explain to me what happened back there?” The principal stood with his hands on his hips. Tom remained quiet as he stared at his lap. The principal sighed and sat at the edge of his desk in front of Tom. “I know Thomas...”

Tom perked his head up. “What do you mean sir?”

“I don’t know about you, son, but I don’t tolerate students tormenting other students, especially when that student happens to be very sick. Some of your classmates have told me about how you’ve been treating Miss Y/L/N for the past couple of days this week.”

“Sick? What are you talking about?” Tom sat up straighter in his chair, fully worried and curious. Principal Johnson furrowed his brows at his question.

“Are you not aware of her condition Mr. Holland?”

Tom furrowed his brows. “Condition?”

Principal Johnson sighed, bringing his forefinger and thumb up to the bridge of his nose. “Miss Y/L/N has cancer, Mr. Holland.” Tom’s heart sank then and there.

“I didn’t…I didn’t know.”

“Would your actions have been any different if you did? This was all on you, son, and from the looks of it, it didn’t look like you were going to stop.”

“I know that saying sorry isn’t going to make up for it-”

“You’re right it’s not. I don’t currently have any sort of punishment for your behavior, so we’ll discuss it further on Monday next week. But as of right now I only ask that you won’t ever do that sort of thing again. Don’t think I am letting you off the hook that easily Holland, a phone call will still be made to your parents.”

“Of course…” Tom nodded slowly, fully accepting his punishments to come.

“And one more thing…I’m benching you for the rest of the season’s games. I’ll notify your coach immediately.” Tom bit the inside of his cheek, nodding, feeling guilty about it all. “I expected more from you kid. Hopefully, all of this will make you rethink what you’ve done.”

Tom stood up. “Me too.” And left.

-

“Oh, my sweet baby girl.” Your mom sat on your side of the bed caressing your hair as you were slowly coming to.

“M-Mom?” You rasped out.

“Hi sweetie, how’re you feeling?” Your mom furrowed her brows.

“My head kind of hurts.” You squint your eyes as you sit up slowly.

“Well, you did have quite the fall.”

“I fell?”

“You don’t remember?” You shook your head no.

“Well, all that matters is that you’re alright.”

“Y-Yeah.” You frowned sadly.

“What’s wrong sweetie?”

“R-Remember when you asked me…you asked if anything was going on at school.” 

“Yes…”

“I lied.” You looked up at her with teary eyes.

“What happened, sweetie?” Your mom soothed you.

“Well…it’s a long story.” You looked up at her.

“Lay it out.” Then you began telling her all that happened this week, from the start of Monday to what happened today that caused you to fall. Your mom would now know of everything.

-

Saturday.

You were allowed to go home after the doctor gave you the okay. They wanted to make sure nothing else was wrong, and that you were fine. Safe to say you were and now here you were curled up on the couch with your favorite blanket watching Tv. Your mom was in the kitchen cooking up something to eat for the two of you.

Apart from the arrangements of flowers that were left outside your porch when you arrived home, everything was pretty much back to normal. Well not so much, everyone at school kept sending you gifts and apologized over and over again. You were sympathetic, forgave them, and told them that it was okay and that they didn’t know, so no harm or foul right? Much to your mom’s disagreement, she thought that your classmates could go to hell, but you didn’t give that a second thought and let it go quickly.

Right as you were going to turn up the volume the doorbell rang. You looked back at your mom and you shared a look, yours of amusement and hers of annoyance.

“Wonder who that could be?” She said sarcastically moving towards the door.

You snuggled back onto the couch and heard the faint voices of your mom and someone talking. A couple of minutes passed and your mom came trolling back into the living room holding yet another gift basket that you were given. You sat up with a smile, and your mom sat across from you watching you open the basket and going through the assortment of goodies that were inside.

You finally looked up, face stuffed with a chocolate muffin. “What?” Your voice was muffled.

“Nothing sweetie, I’m just glad you’re happy is all.”

“You love this mom.” You laughed.

“Fine you’re right, I do!” She laughed with you and went through the basket herself.

You looked at all the other gift baskets that adorned your living room. “What are we going to do with all these?” You chuckled as you motioned around the room.

“Well from all the stuff they’re sending us, I don’t have to go shopping for another week.” She joked.

You gasped and hit her shoulder playfully. “Mom!”

“I will never get over how you see so much good in others, Y/n. They treated you unfairly, yet you forgave them so easily.”

“What would be the point in holding a grudge? Yeah, they weren’t exactly nice, but I only have so long left. I’d rather enjoy my time with kindness, not hatred.” You smiled.

“Oh come here!” Your mom blinked quickly not wanting tears to fall down her face. “I love you so much...”

“I love you too, mom.”

-

Sunday.

You and your mom were enjoying your weekend together by eating ice cream and watching chick flicks. You were getting to the good part of the movie when you heard the engine of a car pull up. You looked at your mom right as she turned to look at you with a knowing smile.

Your mom ran to the window sill looking out.

“He’s back.” Your mom eyed the boy as she stuffed her mouth with another spoonful of cookies n’ cream. You quickly got up and ran to her side watching as he opened the trunk of his car unloading four more arrangements of flowers. You smiled at the gesture he was making. Your guess was this was his way of apologizing. You both stared as he made his way up to the porch and began placing more flower baskets and vases down gently. He stopped for a second and rearranged one of the vases and moved them to another spot.

“Ya know if he keeps this up we’re not going to have any way to leave the house. He’s filling up the porch quite nicely huh.” Your mom teased licking her spoon that was backward. “I’m allergic to bees, remember?” She giggled. “It’s cute though, what he’s doing for you. I don’t think any boy has ever done that for you.” She nudged your arm playfully.

“Shhh.” You observed as he crouched down and organized the flowers. You considered this the perfect moment and removed the blanket from around your shoulders and set it on the couch. You headed towards the door and slipped your shoes on.

“Make sure to give him a big kiss.” Your mom giggled.

“Not another word from you.” You pointed at her and then opened the door.

The sound of the front door unlocking caught Tom’s attention and he stood up startled. He watched in shock as you walked out and closed the door behind you. Once you finally turned around it was like he couldn’t find his words or breathe properly.

“Hi.” You smiled at him gently.

“H-Hey.” He breathed out nervously.

You smiled and looked at all the flowers he brought you. You hadn’t gone outside to see them for yourself. Only staying inside. Your smile grew bigger when you spotted your favorite flower amongst the dozen other ones. You turned your gaze back to him.

“It’s beautiful, thank you.”

“Of course. I’m glad you like them.”

“You should probably stop though.”

“W-What?” Tom grew nervous.

“I don’t think my porch has any more room for arrangements. Where would you even put them?” You giggled as you looked around. He really did fill up the entire two sides of the porch, only leaving a path from the door to the steps. “Plus...my mom’s allergic to bees.”

“Oh! Yeah, I guess I did go a little...overboard.” Tom cringed as he scratched the back of his neck.

“It’s sweet of you though. No one’s ever done this for me…” You trailed off smiling shyly at your shoes.

It was quiet for a couple of seconds before he spoke up. “Y/n, I’m so sorry.”

You smiled up at him. “You didn’t know, it wasn’t your fault.” 

“Yes, yes it was, and you have every right to hate me, okay.”

“I forgive you, Tom, seriously it’s okay.” You laughed as he kept beating himself up. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness, Y/n.”

“Well, that’s too bad because I’m giving it to you. I…I don’t hate you, Tom.”

“But I treated you so horribly…all the things I did and said, I…I caused you to fall.” Tom’s voice cracked and he looked at you.

“It’s not your fault. It’s not, okay. I’m fine, see.” You cupped his face. “I’m fine Tom. I’m okay.” You didn’t know what made you so bold all of a sudden, but you pressed your foreheads together.

Tom closed his eyes and steadied his breathing to the rhythm of yours. When his eyes opened back up he saw your eyes. Your e/c eyes. They were so beautiful. His eyes then trailed down to your lips. A sudden pull caused him to lean in. You leaned in too. You let it happen. This time it wasn’t to get your book back. This kiss was the real thing. And you loved it. You smiled into the kiss as you wrapped your arms around his neck. Tom’s hands remained on your hips, but he tugged them forward to press you closer to him.

When you both pulled away you were flushed. Your lips were a little swollen. Tom didn’t dare untangle his arms that were wrapped around you.

“I don’t care how long it takes. I’m going to keep making it up to you.”

“Tom-”

“No, I mean it. I was horrible to you, and just cause I’m leaving these small things for you, still doesn’t make what I did acceptable. It wasn’t right.”

“When did you realize all this?” You smiled gently.

“When I made you kiss me that day in the library. I took your first kiss from you. It wasn’t fair of me to do that to you.”

“Who says that was my first kiss?” You smirked teasingly.

“I... I just had a feeling.”

“So you had a feeling that no one’s ever kissed me before. Am I that much of a loser?”

“What?! No of course not, you are so kissable, and beautiful, and you deserve so many-”

“Tom, Tom.” You laughed, cutting him off.

“Y-Yeah.”

“Don’t hurt yourself....” You pulled him in and placed a sweet kiss on his lips.

“I don’t deserve you.” He pressed his head against yours.

“I think you’re a bit hard on yourself Tom. You deserve a lot more than you think.”

“I don't...but you do.” He muttered. "You don't mean that?"

“I mean it.” You closed your eyes letting him kiss you again. This one was slower, and sweet, displaying how each of you felt about each other.

-

Sunday had been one of those days that you never expected to happen. Then again you hadn’t expected Tom to end up kissing you after a week filled with his tormenting and bullying. There was no doubt you were still kind of cautious around him, he just spent the whole weekend feeling guilty. You didn't know what Monday would bring.

Could it be more of his bullying?

Was this just a front so people wouldn’t hate him?

Was he actually trying to change for the greater good?

Did he truly want to make it up to you?

Did he really have feelings for you?

You didn’t know...

-

Monday.

After what happened on Sunday you weren’t sure how things were going to go at school. Your mom had suggested you stay at home, but even she knew that you wouldn’t agree, you were too much of a good student to miss school, even if you did faint not more than three days ago. You were in the middle of putting your books and notes into your bag when the doorbell rang. Your head turned towards the door. You were confused. No one ever really came this early, especially to your house. You walked up to the door and unlocked it. When the door swung open the person who stood behind the door was not who you were expecting it to be.

“Tom?” Your eyes widen in surprise.

Tom smiled sheepishly as his hands were in his front pockets. He shifted from foot to foot, as he grew nervous.

“Hey.” He said as his eyes shined. His stance was curious and timid.

“What are you doing here?” You held onto the door as you asked him.

“I...do you, would you-” He began stuttering.

“Yes?” You smiled. Tom gulped as he noticed you smiling at the stuttering mess that was himself.

“Do you- you don’t have to if you don’t want to. I just thought it’d be a good idea for us- which you don’t have to say yes to. I know I haven’t been the best to you, and it’s probably too early anyway-” Tom rubbed his neck as he kept gesturing to you and what you believed was his car that he was pointing at. Two and two clicked together in your head making you smile at his offer. He kept stumbling over his words.

Just like you had done yesterday, you stopped him before he could hurt himself.

“-Tom, Tom.” You reached forward grabbing a hold of his arms to get his attention. “I would love it if you gave me a ride to school.” You giggled as he looked at you shocked.

Your laugh making his heart melt. “You would?”

You nodded. “Yes, I would. Thanks...” You muttered as you leaned forward and pressed your lips to his cheek.

Tom closed his eyes as he enjoyed the sweet affection you gave him. He didn’t want to tell you right away.

“You’re welcome.” He spoke softly as he gazed at you with adoration.

“I just need to grab my things.” You motioned back inside the house. “Come in.”

“Okay.” Tom breathed as he quickly entered after you. He closed the door standing awkwardly, not knowing what to do. He only took a few steps inside your house. The living room caught his eye. A couple of pictures of you and what he assumed was your mom stood out to him.

However, one picture did catch his eye. It was one of you and your mom at the hospital. Tom assumed that this was taken a while back since you didn’t seem to have hair in this picture. What he couldn’t help but notice was the way you were smiling. You looked worn down, but he probably would have never known that by the happiness showing in your eyes. “Chemo.”

Tom was brought out of his daze as he whirled around to see you standing beside him. A grip on your backpack, preventing it from falling.

“What?” Pure innocence in his eyes causes you to smile lightly.

“That was taken at the end of my chemo. It was almost a while ago.” You ran a hand through your short hair. A habit you began doing after your hair grew back. It was growing back slowly, but you were slowly withering away. You didn’t mind it being short. You quite liked it this way. “Hence the hair.” You shrugged nonchalantly while lifting the edges of your hair.

Tom didn’t say anything, he only continued to gaze at you with a look you couldn’t pinpoint. “I never would have noticed.” Tom shook his head slightly. He motioned to your hair. “It looks...nice. It always has...” He smiled genuinely.

"Always?" Your heart melts.

Tom grew flustered. “I uh-” He laughed nervously.

“Have you been secretly keeping track of my hair?” You teased him with a smile. “Since when?”

"Since...middle school." He scratched his neck. You hadn't expected an actual answer.

“Oh.” That was all you could say as you blushed slightly.

Tom glanced at his feet before he looked up at you again. “Ready to go?”

“Mhmm.” You smiled as you placed your hand in his that he extended out to you.

You let go of his hand once you were outside. Quickly locking the door, then taking his hand again as you made your way to his car.

Tom followed you to the passenger side and opened the door for you. You smiled sweetly at him. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He smiled down at you as you were seated inside. He closed your door and made his way to the driver's side, getting in and starting up the engine.

“Good?” He asked you as you finished buckling yourself.

“Yeah.” You smiled.

“Okay.” Tom quickly glanced behind his shoulders. Left then right making sure there weren’t any cars coming, then slowly reversing out the driveway. Turning the wheel and putting the car in drive, you both began making your way towards school.

-

As the weekend passed Harper couldn’t help but feel hurt at the way Tom yelled at her. Sure he was angry, but he didn’t need to yell at her. Feeling like it was her fault that he wasn’t answering any of her messages, she wanted nothing more than to fix things between them. And what better way to do that, than in person in front of the whole school? Harper loved the attention, but she was determined to make you jealous. She was determined to show you who you were messing with, even if you ended up fainting again.

“So what happened again between you and Tom?” One of Harper’s friends asked her.

“Nothing happened Hannah. We just had a bit of a complication…” Harper fluffed up her curls. She pursed her lips and gazed at herself through her locker mirror. “Don’t worry, Tom and I are good as new again,” Harper smirked as she applied another layer of her cherry lip gloss. She popped her lips when she was satisfied with her appearance.

“You guys are great together. Compatible in every way.” Heather fed the beast- I mean Harper with praises and compliments. “Job well done Harper.”

“Thanks, Heather, I am incredibly lucky to have such a great guy like Tom.” Harper bit her lip as flashes of Tom and her in her room popped up in her head.

“Looks like your luck ran out..” Hannah said.

“What? Why would you even say that Hannah!” Harper gaped at her. Hannah only replied by motioning over Harper’s shoulder with her head.

Confused by her words Harper and Heather turned around to see what Hannah was talking about. As she did, her breath slightly hitched. As if her day couldn’t get any worse, she now had to see her boyfriend walk into the building with his hand intertwined with yours.

“Oh yeah, good as new alright.” Hannah mocked her.

“Shut up, Hannah!” Harper snapped at her.

“Hey, you’re the one who said you two were fine. It’s not my fault you can’t keep track of your boyfriend, well looks like your ex-boyfriend now.” Hannah put her hands up in defense.

“Oh no, don’t expect that-” She pointed at you and Tom standing at your locker. “-is going to last. Tom just probably feels bad about what happened on Friday. He can be quite sympathetic sometimes, this is just one of those times.”

“If you say so Harp,” Heather spoke up this time. “Let’s hope you’re right about this. You still need a date to prom after all.” She reminded Harper.

“Don’t worry, he’s going to wish he never held her hand,” Harper smirked evilly as she closed her locker. She picked up her bag and walked in the opposite direction from where you two stood. Heather and Hannah followed closely behind her.

-

“People are staring.” You muttered to Tom as you grabbed your backpack from him. You switched out your science and history books, for your Algebra and Literature books.

“Yeah…” He trailed off as he turned his head towards the lingering eyes on you and him. He frowned as he caught Harper throwing him a scowl before she walked away.

“A-Are you sure you want to be seen with me?” You frowned. Tom looked back at you furrowing his brows at your question.

“Of course I do.” He dipped his head as you avoided his gaze. “Y/n, look at me.” You looked up. “If there is one thing that I am certain about, it’s wanting to be with you.”

“Really, 'cause it's only been two days since your mind changed about how you felt about me?” You whispered, not being able to help your accusatory tone.

“Really.” He pecked your forehead. “Come on now, let’s get you to class.” He smiled as he lightly tugged on your hand. "Come on..."

“Okay.” You smiled sheepishly as you closed your locker. As Tom began tugging you down the hall, you both were abruptly stopped.

“Mr. Holland.” A voice spoke up from behind you. Tom closed his eyes as he recognized who the voice belonged to.

“Principal Johnson.” Tom sighed as he turned around, letting go of your hand. 

“Do you know what today is, boy?”

“Monday sir.”

“It’s Monday! Come on, my office.” Principal Johnson motioned with his hand as he turned around, already heading to his office.

Tom turned to you. “Library, third period?” He asked with hope.

You nodded. “Go before you get into more trouble.” You playfully pushed him. He leaned forward and pecked your cheek before scurrying off after the principal. You blushed as you made your way to your first class.

-

“So Miss Y/L/N huh?” Principal Johnson asked as he fiddled with his pen.

“Sir I-”

“You sure you know what you’re doing boy?”

“I do, I do sir.” Tom nodded furiously.

“Because it looks like you’re trying to use her to get yourself out of your punishment. Like she’s your in, to get on my good side.”

“No, that’s not…that’s not it sir. I swear. It’s not like that.” Tom stumbled with his words.

“Then explain it to me, son.”

“With all due respect, sir…I’m not quite comfortable talking about my feelings to you.”

“Feelings you say?” Principal Johnson raised his eyebrows almost as if in amusement.

“I promise Principal Johnson. I would never truly honestly intend for Y/n to get hurt. I lo- I couldn’t forgive myself if anything else happens to her.” Tom stared at his lap as the guilt still ran through him. You forgave him, but he didn’t feel that he deserved to be forgiven, in such a short amount of time too. He wanted to make it up to you.

“But something did happen, and you were the cause of it.” Principal Johnson reminded him. Tom nodded his head.

Principal Johnson stared at the boy feeling bad. At some point and time, he was in the same position Tom was. So in love with a girl that it ate him up. Willing to do anything for her. He sympathized with the boy.

“Here’s what I am going to do, Tom.” Tom raised his head. “You’re still benched for the season.”

“Right...” Tom sighed.

“And you still need to be punished.”

“Right…” Tom nodded slowly wanting to know where he was going with this.

“So as your punishment, you’re going to be helping out in the Library. Ya know, checking out books, shelving books, that usual stuff.”

“Oh, wow!” Tom perked up as he realized he’d be seeing you more often now.

“Yeah?” Principal Johnson eyed him weirdly but brushed it off quickly. “I’ll let Grace know you’ll be on your way to begin helping her.”

“Is that all?” Tom was surprised at how that went well. “Well, unless you have a better suggestion for a punishment?”

“No, no, I don’t. Thank you for my punishment. I’ll be on my way, sir.” Tom stood up and started opening the door when he was stopped.

“Thomas.” Tom looked back, at Principal Johnson. “Be good to her son.”

“I will...” Tom nodded then left.

-

As he promised, Tom met you in the library after the third period ended. You were buried deep in one of the aisles in the very back of the library preoccupied with your dad’s book.

Tom walked into the library wanting to see you but finding you nowhere in sight. This came to Grace’s attention as she noticed him enter.

“You lost honey?” She teased as she set down the books she was shelving.

“Hey Grace, you’ve seen Y/n?” Tom held onto the strap of his backpack as he shuffled from foot to foot.

“Can I ask why?” Grace already knew what had happened between you two. You told her yourself. She wanted to give him a hard time just for the fun of it.

“I uh-”

“You here to pick on the poor girl because if you are I’ll have no problem calling Principal Johnson.”

“No, no, no…” Tom’s eyes widened as he grew nervous and a little scared. “I’m not here to bully her, I swear. Grace, I swear I don’t want to hurt her. You don’t understand…” Watching Tom become flustered and nervous made her laugh. The sound startled him.

“I’m just messing with you.” She dismissed him with her hand. “She’s in the back.” She motioned to the side of the library you were at. Grace then went back to shelving some books like nothing ever happened.

Standing there stunned and a little nervous. Tom eyed Grace wearily as he slowly took a step in your direction. “T-Thank you.” He stuttered then took off to find you. Grace chuckled as he scurried off.

Tom swore that he was getting whiplash by how quickly he was turning his head left and right as he passed every aisle. “Y/n!” He whispered as he kept going down the aisles in the middle of the two sides of the shelves. He turned his head right, then left, and right as he did he was being yanked to the right side. He yelped slightly as he ended up losing his balance falling on top of you.

You groaned. “Oh, get off your heavy.” You push against him.

Tom feigned a fake hurt gasp as he propped himself on his elbows to hover above you. “I’m fine, thanks for asking.” He chuckled.

“Sorry.” You giggled.

“It’s okay you caught me off guard is all.”

“So you were distracted?” You bit your lip in amusement.

“Yeah, trying to find you.” He glanced at your eyes and then down at your lips.

“Well, you found me...” You placed your hand on his neck.

“I did…” Tom trailed off as he lowered his lips onto yours. The kiss was slow and sweet. Nothing rough or quick about it. Tom pulled back, sitting up.

You frowned at the loss of contact. You took his extended hand and as you were fully sat up, he grabbed you by the waist and tugged you onto his lap making you squeal.

“Tom?” You giggled as he peppered your neck with wet kisses. The feeling was nothing like you’ve ever felt before, it was new, and you knew you wanted to experience it more often.

Before things escalated Tom took his lips off your neck.

“Okay, okay, I’m stopping. I’m stopping.” Tom whispered as a smile made its way onto his lips. Tom gulped as he began telling you what the principal told him. “So, Principal Johnson gave me my punishment.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, he thought it’d be a good idea for me to spend some quality time with the girl I like in the library.” Tom smiled cheekily.

“Tom seriously, tell me.” You playfully slapped his shoulder.

“He talked to Grace, and now I’m going to be helping out in here.” He smiled as your eyes widened.

“Are you serious? You hate the library though?” You laughed in disbelief.

“Not really. If anything it’s kind of growing on me.” He smiled as he twirled the ends of your hair around his finger.

“I get to see you more?” You blushed.

“That’s right.” He teased. “Get used to me Y/L/N, you can’t get rid of me that easily.”

“However will I survive!” You smiled as you both leaned in for a kiss.

“Tom!” Tom pulled back, startled by Grace calling out for him.

“Shit!” He scrambled up to his feet. The sight alone caused you to laugh. “Coming Grace!” He quickly helped you to your feet. “I’ll see you later?” The same kind of hope in his eyes.

“Go before you lose it.” You giggled. Tom pecked you one more time and ran off towards Grace to begin helping. You shook your head. Tom was surely something else.

-

Tuesday.

The following day Tom did the same thing. He picked you up in the morning and then drove the both of you to school. Almost believing for a second that things were going to be better the next day was an understatement. People still stared at you two as you walked into school hand in hand. Whispers going around amongst your classmates. Tom, not thinking too much of it, continued to smile at you.

“What do you say?”

“Huh?” You finally realized that he was talking to you.

Tom chuckled and shook his head. “I asked if you wanted to eat lunch together during third period.” Tom bit his lip trying not to let his smile show how much he was excited to spend time with you. When he noticed the worried look on your face he frowned. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Tom was not so sure that it was true. “Actually can I be honest?”

“Of course.” He nodded assuring you.

“You have been my crush for a very long time…” You smiled. He did too. “I always considered the possibility of you and me ending up together a one-in-a-million chance. Yet here I am, and here you are. We’re together.” You chuckled. “Our feelings are mutual and it’s the weirdest feeling in the world because you’re Tom, this great guy, and I’m just me, the cancer girl.” You shrugged. “And I never would have thought that you’d actually see me.”

“I’ve always seen you-”

“And now that we’re together it feels like a risky thing because I'm sick and we're from two different worlds-”

“We’re no different than everybody else Y/n.” Tom bit his lip and shook his head. “So what if I want to be with you? I want to be with you, Y/n. What’s the harm in that?”

“My cancer. Your friends...” You glanced over his shoulder then brought your eyes back to his. Tom glanced over his shoulder and frowned as he realized his buddies were watching him. “They don’t control the way I feel, Y/n. You’re the best thing that has happened to me.” Tom cupped your face and leaned in. The kiss was slow, but a little more love felt. When you pulled away you felt a bit upset. “What’s wrong?”

“Did you just kiss me because you wanted to or because your friends are watching?”

Tom pulled away, slightly a bit hurt by your words. “Because I want to…Y/n I would never do that to you, I promise.”

“Okay...” Your voice grew small as you slowly lifted your head to look at him.

“I don't want to hurt you in any way anymore.” Tom leaned forward and pecked your cheek. “I’ll see you for lunch okay.” He pecked your forehead. You both moved along in the hallway stopping in front of the library. Your hand lingered in his for a bit before you let go.

“I’ll be where I usually sit.” You dazed off.

“Okay.” Tom nodded. “I should probably get inside, Grace needed some help moving a couple of things around.”

“Well, I’ll let you get to it then.” You let go of his hand and began walking backward.

“I love you.” He told you.

“Too soon, Holland.” You breathed out a laugh and finally turned around to walk to your next class. You were never going to make it to lunch.

"Nah...I love you." Tom called after you.

-

When Tom reached the library he got to work right away. Helping Grace out wherever she needed him to. If Tom was being honest, he was starting to enjoy spending time surrounded by books. It even got to the point where he could understand why you loved this place so much. A lifetime of stories right in front of him to read. He could hear your voice, the way you explained the adventure of a good book that you had read.

“It’s about the journey it takes you on. From the beginning, all the way to the very end. It’s exciting.” You’d say. “The thrill of not knowing what’s going to happen next. That has to be my favorite part.” You would end the sentence with a smile.

In a way, your words explain your relationship perfectly. In the beginning, you two didn’t start out on a positive note, but the things that have happened next have been indescribable and one of the best things that have happened. Now all that was left was the rest of your journey together, right to the very end. He was nervous about what the rest of the ride would bring him, but Tom hadn’t been more thrilled about something since the time he landed a backflip. He wanted to continue forward no matter the obstacles that he and you faced.

Tom bit his lip as he smiled at the thought. He wants this, he wants everything. The whole package. All of you. He’s ready!

“So this is what you’re doing instead of trying to get back on the team.” Tom’s hand paused midway as he was shelving a book. The familiarity of the voice had him smirking. Of course, he had the nerve to speak to him now.

“Nice to see you too, Harrison.” Tom looked over his shoulder to see him leaning against the shelf of books behind him.

“Seriously mate?” Harrison furrowed his eyebrows at the brunette.

“What Harrison?” Tom set down the books and spun around to face the blonde.

“What are you doing, Tom? You were the star quarterback. You had the girl. You had everything.” Harrison slumped his shoulders. He shook his head.

“None of it is going to matter in a couple of years? It’s just a position. Harper is just a girl who only wants to be with me to make herself look good. And you’re wrong, I don't have everything. I don’t have everything and I’m fine. You know what I do have though, clarity. Clarity that my friends care more about popularity than being decent fucking human beings.” Tom shook his head and turned around.

“Just like you’re suddenly fine getting all close with Y/n. Have you forgotten about how much of a freak she is?” Harrison chuckled at the fallen expression Tom had. “Don’t you remember our little deal?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about?” Tom brushed off the ache he suddenly felt in his heart.

“Really? So you wouldn’t mind if I go talk to Y/n for a bit.” Harrison pushed himself off the shelves and motioned over to where he saw you walk in. You were making your way over to where they were.

“Don’t you dare, Harrison!” Tom growled lowly, as he shoved Harrison back against the shelves this time while gripping the collar of his shirt.

“Oh, so you do remember.” Harrison smiled amused.

“What the hell man, you’re supposed to be my best friend!” Tom took his hands off him.

“And you’re not supposed to give up your life for some girl!” Harrison situated his shirt.

“What the hell happened to us?”

“You tell me…one minute you're barely talking to any of us, then the next you're off with some girl who was only supposed to be a part of the bet Harper made with you.”

“What?”

Tom and Harrison turned their heads. The voice belonged to you. Tom’s eyes widened so big you thought they were going to pop out of their sockets. He was so scared…so scared that you wouldn’t believe him. And he was scared you now thought the feelings he had for you weren’t real.

“Y/n...” Tom croaked out as he felt tears begin to slide down his cheek.

“I’m a bet?” You muttered.

“No, no, no, no.” Tom made his way over to you quickly. He took a hold of your face in his hands, doing everything he could do to make you look at him. Your expression was dazed, emotionless, and he was the cause of it. “You’re not a bet.” He began hugging you tightly not wanting to let you slip away. “You’re not a bet, you’re not a bet. You’re not a bet.” He mumbled into your hair. Your arms remained at your sides. You didn’t know how to feel at this point.

Harrison watching the whole interaction realized he made a mistake opening his big fat mouth. He’s never seen Tom act this way, not for anybody. Not even for any girl he’s been with. That’s all it took to see that you weren’t just some girl they chose for Tom to pick on. You were now the girl. The girl that would somehow make everything better in his life. His girl. Harrison just didn’t know it then.

“Baby, you’re not a bet. Please, please, believe me, you’re not a bet. You’re so much more than that. You’re so much more.” He pressed a tender kiss to your temple while you remained still as a rock. Your eyes stared at one spot. Tom pulled back to look at you. Your expression remained the same. “Harrison’s stupid, don’t listen to him, he doesn’t control the way I feel about you. My friends don’t understand this, they don’t understand us. But I’m not gonna let them break us. Okay?” He pressed his head against yours. “I’m not going to let them break us.” Tom’s voice cracked as he got no response from you yet.

He pulled you back into his arms. He pressed a kiss now and then into your hair. Tom just held you, he held you until you finally took in his words.

Maybe his friend Harrison wanted to break you two apart. Maybe he didn’t accept you two being together.

Maybe he was lying about being a bet. Maybe just maybe.

It was slow and it was a gentle touch, but Tom felt it right away. A smile made its way onto his lips as he now felt your arms and hands snake around his waist to hug him back. He gripped you a bit tighter, not too hard to hurt you, but just enough to let you know he wasn’t letting you go.

“I love you.” His voice is muffled by your hair but you hear him nonetheless.

“I love you too.” You whispered back as you buried your head in his neck.

-

Wednesday.

Yours and Tom’s morning was almost like a routine now. He’d pick you up, drive you to school, you’d walk in together, people would stare, you comment on it, and then he walks you to class, while he makes his way to the library.

A routine. It remained the same. You wouldn’t change it. You got to see him more often now, and you were grateful for it.

You were seated at lunch at your usual table, and your focus was on your father’s book, but you couldn’t ignore how some of your classmates kept throwing looks and glances your way. You never did enjoy being the center of attention. Let alone the attention that was drawing Harper closer to your table. You placed the book in front of your face, hoping it would do you some good at hiding you, but alas…

Harper reached forward and lowered the book from your face. “I can still see you,” Harper smirked.

“Right.” You chuckled nervously and looked down at your book again. Yet you couldn’t help but look over her shoulder. Heather and Hannah were nowhere in sight - that was somewhat of a good thing, right?

Harper caught on quickly and reassured your nerves. “Oh, those two…” She motioned behind her. “Don’t worry they won’t be sitting with us today.”

“T-Today?” You raised your brow in confusion. "Sitting with us?"

“We’re gonna eat lunch together silly.” Harper giggled, she sat down across from you on the chair and reached down into her bag to retrieve her lunch. All greens, it was probably a salad.

“Oh…” You trailed off, you picked up a carrot, and bit into it slowly. Eating was a nervous habit of yours.

“You don’t mind do you?” Harper gave you a questioning look that made you not want to do bad by her. She played with the straw of her smoothie, and you couldn’t help but glance at the plastic thing and then at her.

“No, I don’t mind...” You gave her an unsure smile.

“Great!” She exclaimed with satisfaction. Harper took a sip of her drink, then stabbed a fork into her salad. “So where’s Romeo?” Harper nonchalantly observed the cafeteria for the tall brunette.

“Tom?” You watched her closely.

“Yeah, who else would I mean?” Harper shrugged. Then she added. “So, where is he?” Harper crossed her hands and leaned in closer.

“Oh uh, he had to-” You stammered.

“Hey love, sorry I’m late, Grace had me put books back into their right place.” You turned around in your chair just in time for Tom to place a sweet kiss on your cheek. He smiled at you then frowned once he realized Harper was sitting in front of you. “Harper?” He threw her a questioning look. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“It’s school, I’m pretty sure we have to attend it.” She sassed him.

“I mean, why the hell are you sitting with us?” Tom took a seat next to you. He placed his tray and bookbag down.

“Oh, didn’t Y/n tell you…she invited me to sit with you guys. Isn’t she the sweetest?” Harper giggled and gave you a smile you knew was fake.

Tom glanced between you and Harper. “You did?” He stared at you.

“I could have possibly done that.” You stared at her.

“Okay then…” Tom eyed you curiously then he relaxed when you gave him that smile he grew to love over the few days. The table grew quiet causing the tension to rise.

“Why so quiet?” Harper blurted out. “Usually you two love birds are so chatty and full of giggles any other day, is it me?” Harper eyed you two playfully.

“Yes.” “N-No.” You and Tom looked at each other with an incredulous look, then you glanced at Harper.

“Well, which one is it?” Harper smiled.

Tom scowled angrily. “Harper, can I talk to you?”

“We are talking, Tom.” You flinched when she said that.

“Outside.”

“I’m sure you can talk to me in front of Y/n, right babes?” Harper turned her attention onto you, but you remained quiet.

Tom got up and grabbed her arm. Harper grabbed her bag in time as Tom began dragging her out of the cafeteria. You sat there frozen not sure what to do. You looked back at some of your classmates who were staring at you. You hid behind your hand and began reading your book again, sinking and lowering into your chair.

-

Without thinking too much about it, Tom dragged Harper into an empty supply closet, locked the door, and pushed her against the wall. But his movements were nowhere near lustful, maybe a bit out of frustration, but no passion or hunger resided within him.

“Seriously? First Harrison then you. What’s next huh? A smoothie gets thrown in my face too?” Tom scoffed, shaking his head.

Harper was too into this side of him. It might have been one of the reasons why sex with him was always great. The two of them just melted together that way. No feelings were involved, just a bunch of pent-up tension needing to be released…but perhaps she wanted more.

“Don’t be silly like I’d ever throw one in that pretty face of yours.” Harper chuckled then threw her arms around his neck.

“But you’d throw one at Y/n.” Tom frowned. He turned his gaze to the wall next to them. “You did throw one at her.”

Y/n, Y/n, Y/n. That’s all she ever heard from him.

Think about me, now.

Harper moved his chin with her finger. Her eyes move from his eyes down to his lips. She licked her own out of sudden instinct. “She can’t make you happy like I can.”

Tom stared at her doing nothing to remove her arms. He didn't know where it came from. It was out of nowhere. One second he was angry with her, then the next he harshly kissed her lips. Harper clung onto his dark hair tugging at it just the way he liked. A groan emitted from his lips.

He pulled her tighter and closer to his body. He missed the way she felt around his hands. All perfection rolled into one. It looked like he couldn’t get enough of Harper, but if anyone could handle Harper it was him. He was the only one she knew that would take really good care of her.

While one hand is gripping her waist, the other starts pulling down the straps of her top. Wet kisses trail down her neck causing a whimper every time he bit down and sucked at her skin. One item of clothing follows one by one. First his shirt, then her top.

“God I missed you.” Tom rasps.

“Missed you too.” Their breathing is labored and raspy. The hunger they have for each other pulls them closer like a magnet. She ends up getting lost in the feeling of his lips, her mind reeling as he sinks to his knees before her. “Harper.”

“Harper.”

“Harper.”

-

“Harper!” Tom shook her out of her daze.

Harper snapped out of it and looked up at Tom who scoffed. “Just stay away from Y/n, okay.” He removed her arms and left the closet. No one in sight to see him leave it. Thank god.

He made his way back to you. You were still seated avoiding everyone’s eyes. You deserved the world from where he stood. He walked up to your table and took his seat next to you. You were pulled out of your concentration from your book once you felt his presence. You smiled gently. “Everything okay?”

He smiled back. A gleam in his eyes you began to notice when you were with him. In some ways, it felt that he looked at you like you were his whole world. No way he’d think like that. Would he though?

“Everything…is perfect, love.” Tom muttered then leaned in to plant a sweet kiss on your lips.

“Okay.” Your eyes crinkled at the edges as you smiled.

“You ready to go?” He motioned to your half-eaten lunch.

“You barely ate anything.” You frowned.

“I’m okay.” He shrugged. “Not that hungry anymore.”

“You don’t want a bite of my sandwich, I got full with the carrots, and fruits.” You offered. Tom shook his head.

“Not even a bit of celery with peanut butter.” You waved the vegetable in his face.

Tom pondered for a second then smiled. He took it from your hand and bit down into it. He finished it in three big bites. He chewed until there was no trace of the green stick in his mouth. “Thank you.” He leaned in to kiss you, but you stopped him by putting your hand on his chest. “What?” He questioned as he saw you stifle a laugh. “What?” He smiled brightly this time.

“You got uh.” You gestured to your mouth. Tom caught on and wiped at his mouth, only to miss the spot he needed to get. “You huh, here let me…” You licked the pad of your thumb and gently wiped away the bit of peanut butter that was at the edge of his mouth. “There.” You were frozen at what you had just done. Tom, on the other hand, couldn’t find the right words to say. You kept doing things that left him rendered speechless, in a good admirable way. He liked you, that much was true, but the way he looked at you right now said something completely different. Was it love that glistened in his eyes? No, it was too soon for that still. Was it though?

You were a bit flustered, your cheeks heated. You removed your eyes from his and turned towards the table in search of a napkin, you wanted to clean the peanut butter off, but couldn’t. You slumped in defeat for a second. Tom took notice and grabbed a hold of your hand. He gently guided it up to his lips. He wrapped his fingers around your thumb, bent his head down to meet the pad of it, and sucked it off. You felt his tongue and the top and bottom part of his lips suck the bit of condiment in one quick go. To you, it felt slower, but it was quick, and he certainly didn’t think too much of it…at least until he saw your reaction. You were dumbstruck, you were caught off guard by his action, not expecting it, but it happened.

“Sorry.” Tom apologized with a sheepish smile on his lips.

“It’s okay.” You bashfully glanced at your lap, then back up at him. “R-Ready to go?” You asked as you began closing the lid on your containers.

“Yeah.” He nodded as he waited for you to put your lunch away in your bag. You grabbed your dad’s book, and he slung your bag over his shoulder. You didn’t bother arguing with him about being able to carry it yourself.

You tried…You did and you lost every time, it was inevitable at this point. You took his extended hand and walked out of the cafeteria and headed to the library.

-

Thursday.

It was after school and you were in your room doing a bit of homework when you heard it. You were trying to figure out a mathematical equation you could not solve. You thought you had it, but your focus was interrupted when a noise got your attention. You didn’t think much of it and proceeded to ignore it until it continued. The tiny clunk of something hitting your window.

Clunk. Clunk. Clunk.

It kept repeating until it grew louder. You pushed your math book off your lap and walked over to your window. You looked out waiting to see if something was there. It grew quiet again and then a sudden bang sounded against your window again causing you to shriek out in fear.

“Ahh!” You jumped in place, then pushed your window up to open it. You stuck your head out and right as you did a small pebble struck you on your forehead. You flinched, raising a hand to where you got hit. “Ow…” You trailed off.

Tom, on the other hand, stood still in his spot. He gaped in shock that he just hit you. His hands were frozen in the air like he was reaching out for you but he was pulling back into himself. His fingers curled into his palm and he brought his fist towards his mouth and closed his eyes at his stupidity.

“What the hell?” You moaned as you looked down at him. He opened his eyes looking guilty. “I’m…so sorry. Oh my god, are you okay?” Tom cringed as he replayed the image of you getting hit in his mind.

“No, you just pebbled me in the face!” You looked at him incredulously. “What the hell are you doing out here?” You shook your head.

“I thought it’d be romantic.” Tom sheepishly gritted his teeth. He shrugged.

“To hit me?!” You furrowed your brows.

“What? No, throw pebbles…at your window.” He scratched his neck nervously. “Guess it didn’t pan out like I thought it would.”

You smiled gently. You then realize the picnic basket and blanket next to his feet. Your heart fluttered at the gesture. He was trying and it was best if you cut him some slack. He did come out here after all.

“I’m sorry.” He pouted. You wanted to reach out and kiss the pout off him.

“We have a front door ya know?” You giggled teasing him a bit.

“I know, I just didn’t want to wake your mom up though.” Tom smiled gently.

“Too late!”

You and Tom whipped your heads towards the window that was right next to yours.

“Tom.” Your mom waves at Tom.

“Hi Ms. Y/L/N.” Tom gave her a quick wave then rocked back and forth sheepishly on his feet.

“Mom?” You whined.

“Shouldn’t you be doing your homework?” Your mom smiled innocently.

“Mom…”

“It’s a school night.” Your mom reminded you.

“When has that been an issue?” You and your mom bantered back and forth. Tom thought he was going to get whiplash by how much his head was going between you and your mom.

“It…hasn’t?” Your mom cringed.

“Great, so I can have the rest of the night off?” You smiled innocently.

“Not all night, you need your sleep.” Your mom pointed out.

“Four hours?”

“Two.”

“What? No, at least three!”

“Hour and a half?”

“Two and a half.”

"Fine."

"Fine!" You sighed and then looked at Tom who had no clue what just happened. “You heard her.” Tom focused on you. “Meet me in the backyard.”

Tom nodded like a happy toddler as he fumbled with the blanket and carried the basket into the yard. He closed the fence and began setting up. Once he was out of hearing shot you looked over at your mom with an unimpressed look.

“Really?”

“Tick tock.” She sing-songed as she removed herself from the window and closed it shut. You chuckled at her actions and went back to your room, closing the window behind you. You pick up your cardigan and put it over your tank top. Your pajama bottoms were too comfortable to change out of. You stepped up to your long-length mirror and gave yourself a once over. You still had your insecurities, even if Tom made you feel like the prettiest girl in the world.

You never doubted that you had something going for yourself. No guy at school seemed to think so, but Tom did, and for some odd reason, you liked his attention. He was cute and sweet, he may have his flaws too, but so do you. However, even if he thought you were pretty or not. He only saw you.

Just you.

He saw you before and he sees you as you are now. That’s all that matters. That’s what counts the most.

You smile and shrug at the girl in the mirror and make your way outside. You went down the stairs and out the door through the kitchen. You smiled as you saw him on top of the blanket sorting and laying everything out.

Tom looked up and he smiled up at you. You were wearing some fuzzy socks, with koala bears on them, your gray Mickey Mouse pajama shorts were cute on you, and the dark blue cardigan was a bit oversized on you. Yet you were still the most beautiful girl to him. Tom leaned back on his hands and tilted his head to the side.

You giggled and flaunted the cardigan, turning around like you were showing it off. You danced in your spot with a teasing smile. Tom laughed as he watched you. He sat up.

“Get your cute little butt over here.” He said with a chuckle. You giggled and ran to him. He looked up and brought you down onto his lap. You sunk as he held onto your waist gently.

His hold never tightened on you, it was mostly a lingering touch. You considered he was never rough with you because you felt he didn't want to hurt you.

You knew he could be though…be rough with you. He dated Harper for crying out loud, you doubted he was anything but gentle with her. It was a nice thing to see from him though. He touched you like you were made of porcelain. One wrong move and he'd break you. He couldn’t though, he couldn’t break you. Not anymore, you were far along from the broken girl you used to be. You fought through it and now you weren’t broken, you were whole, and you were happy.

Tom made you really happy.

You brought your hands up to his face and caressed his skin. The smile he loved seeing on you reached your eyes. You were beaming.

“Hi.” You giggle.

“Hi.” Tom’s eyes crinkled. His voice sounded relaxed. He couldn’t help but admire the light of the moon shining down on you. Lighting up everything he loved about you. He leaned in and pressed his lips onto yours. He pulled back and looked at you again.

You chased him as he pulled back, not wanting it to be over yet. You leaned in and pecked his lips. Tom pulled back in a teasing manner. You kept pecking and chasing him until you cupped his cheeks and let your lips linger on his for a while longer. He didn’t deny you the kiss you wanted.

You both moved in sync, as the kiss got a little heated. Tom removed his hands from your waist and let them rake up and down your bare thighs. It wasn’t long before he brought one hand up to your shoulder and slid one side of the cardigan down. Exposing the thin strap of your tank top and your neck. He pulled back gently and began peppering your skin with wet kisses. Just like back in the library, it was a new feeling that you wanted to experience more of. You sighed as he kept trailing his lips across your skin. You could feel him smile when you gasped. He bit down gently on your neck and soothed it with a lick.

“Tom…” You sighed in contentment as you tilted your head more to grant him more access at your skin.

“Do you want me to stop?” Tom continued to pepper kisses down your neck.

“N-No.” You shook your head. Tom kissed your neck for a little while longer only leaving the one mark on your skin, but traces of where his lips were had lingered. He pulled away and planted a kiss on your lips. You were in total bliss at the moment.

“Why’d you stop?” You smiled gently.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to stop if I carry on.” Tom sighed as he pressed his head against yours.

“You can’t hurt me.” You shook your head.

“Trust me, I want that with you, okay? I do.” Tom reassured you with a smile. You smiled back but you knew there was more. “But I want to do this the right way. I don’t want your first time to be because you think you have to do it. I want it to be great, and special for you. I don’t want you to do something you don’t want to do.” Tom frowned.

“I’m not doing anything I don’t want to.” You admitted. “Everything that I want to happen is because I’m letting it happen.” You caressed the nape of his hair. “I know you'll never hurt me, and I’m not saying let’s have sex right now either. But let’s not dwell on what we can do in our spare time. Though I don’t think I’d know what to do.” You chuckled nervously. Tom brushed away your hair. “I’m not ready for anything extreme." You grit your teeth sheepishly.

“You don’t have to worry about anything extreme for a long time or as long as you deem it necessary.” He chuckled lightly at your flustered self.

“I just meant making out and stuff, ya know…” You shrugged. “More dates with you.”

“I like the sound of that.” He smiled and pulled you back in for a kiss.

“Are. We. Going to. Ignore the. Food?” You said in between each kiss.

“Are you hungry?”

“A little.” You tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Alright, I can eat.” Without removing you from his lap, Tom pulled the basket closer and opened it up. “Alright we have some chocolate-covered strawberries, thank my mom for those. Some grapes, celery sticks with peanut butter, and a couple of ham and turkey sandwiches. A couple of water bottles, or soda if that’s more your thing.” Tom shrugged as he pulled the food out. Each one looked to die for. “What will it be, my lady?” Tom kissed your cheek as you eyed all your choices. You reached your arm out and picked up a strawberry. You brought it up to Tom’s lips and he gave in and bit into it. He hummed at the sweet taste it created in his mouth. You smiled and finished the rest of the strawberry you fed him. “Delicious.” Tom muttered playfully.

“Yeah?” You giggled and picked up another strawberry.

That’s how the rest of the night went for you two. You fed each other and indulged yourselves in a game of who can catch the most grapes in their mouth.

You ended up winning.

Tom had attacked you by tickling you until you couldn’t breathe anymore and gave in. You made out a bit more, then he had to leave. It was sweet and one of the best first dates you ever had. Well…it was your first date, and you were glad with how it went. You knew for sure you wanted to do that again.

-

Friday.

Harper did not enjoy the way Tom just left her in the supply closet. Guys usually didn’t leave her. She was the one who got the last word in and got to walk off. Tom certainly kept surprising her, first his new attraction towards you and now he won’t even look in her direction. Harper was furious, she was pure fire, and people who played with fire tended to get burned.

She was full of hate and in need of getting some payback, and she knew just how to get it…

You were at your locker, taking your time switching out your books for the ones you needed. You weren’t aware of Harper approaching you so it wasn’t before you jumped when she slammed your locker shut. The action causing your books to fall. You cursed silently to yourself and kneeled to pick your things up. Harper got annoyed and kneeled to help you. In doing so you both went for the same notebook, which had you both bumping heads. You both fell back with a groan.

“Ow…” You groaned.

“Oh…” Harper groaned.

You two just sat on the floor rubbing where you collided heads with each other. It was pretty stupid. Only you would headbutt with someone, literally.

You couldn’t help but laugh at what just happened. Surprisingly Harper joined in on your fits of giggles. She leaned forward and picked up your last notebook. She handed it to you, and you took it gratefully from her hand, stuffing it into your bag.

“T-Thanks.”

“Why do you do that?” She asked out of nowhere.

“D-Do what?”

“Stutter, I’ve noticed you only do that when you’re nervous, or when I’m around.”

“I-” You shut up when Harper eyed you. You were proving her right. “I…” You breathed in slowly. “I don’t know, nervous habit maybe.” You shrugged.

“Do I make you that uncomfortable?” She frowned.

“You don’t exactly make people feel great about themselves.” You admitted.

“Oh…well I’m sorry.”

Did you hear her correctly?

“You’re sorry?”

“I don’t exactly have it easy, so I guess I do tend to take it out on others. Especially you, Y/n.” Harper got up to her feet and held her hand out to you. She pulled you up and you dusted your jeans off.

“Thanks?” You opened your locker once more and grabbed your book. You put it in your bag and looked up at her expectantly.

“So I’m throwing a party tonight since it’s the championship game. We’re going to win either way, and you know how Tom plays football and all, right?

“Right.” You nodded. “Isn’t he benched though…” You trailed off.

“Yeah, his coach isn’t letting him play because he bullied and picked on you. It’s really sad, but he has to pay for what he did. It really does suck though, playing football means the world to him. It’s what was going to get him his scholarship. Scouts are coming out to the game tonight to see their star player…yet he won’t be there because he was benched. Poor Tom. There goes his future. You and Tom should come to the party though, it’ll be fun.” She smiled sweetly at you. “See you Y/n.”

Tom wouldn’t get a scholarship anymore? Oh no…

He never told you anything about that. Was his future at risk because of what he did? You knew he never meant it. Yet it still hurts that he might not be able to go to college because of it.

Harper walked over to where Heather and Hannah were. “How did it go?” Hannah asked.

“Hook lined and then-” Harper chuckled as she watched you walk away from your locker in a rush. “We sink her...”

-

“Principal Johnson.” You knocked on his office door.

“Ahh, Y/n. Lovely to see you. How are you?” Principal Johnson lifted his head with a smile. “I was wondering if I could talk to you about something?”

“Please take a seat, I’m all ears.”

You took a seat and opened your mouth to begin talking.

-

You were seated on the floor in one of the aisles of the library. Too entranced you almost didn’t hear footsteps running down the aisles. You looked over at the end and saw Tom skid to a halt. He regained his balance and rushed over to you on the ground.

You looked at him with a bewildered smile.

“Hi, there.” You giggled.

“You are not going to believe what just happened!” He rushed out excitedly.

“What is it?” You sat up straighter and set your book down beside you.

“I don’t understand…coach was serious about me being benched. Then again he’s never too serious about certaint hings.” You almost didn’t understand him by how fast he talked. “T-This is crazy!” He smiled brightly.

“Tom.” You laughed, urging him to tell you the news.

“Right sorry. I’m not benched anymore. Coach says I get to play tonight’s game…” He furrowed his brows still not fully aware of how he was allowed to play all of a sudden. He seemed to enjoy the pressure being off him.

He frowned and looked down at his lap. You took notice of his change of demeanor. “What’s wrong?” You scooted closer to him.

“I get to play again.”

“What’s wrong with that? You love playing football.”

“I just don’t know if I want to anymore. Being quarterback had its perks, yeah, but it all came with the weight of having to carry the team on my shoulders. There was too much pressure put on me. I knew coach put on the whole tough love front, but I didn’t like it. And trust me I don’t think I want to read or learn another playbook again.” Tom laughed at the end.

Oh no.

“You don’t want to play anymore…” You looked away from him. You royally screwed up.

“I don’t know. I mean a lot has changed since…” He trailed off.

“Since you’ve been with me.” You looked up.

“Being with you has been the best thing that’s happened to me. It overrules being back on the team.” He grabbed your hand and traced soothing circles on your skin.

“Really?” Your heart fluttered at his words.

“Really.” Tom leaned in forward and pecked your lips slowly.

“I think you should though. Play tonight’s game. It is the championship game after all.”

“Yeah, but I don’t think it’s a good idea. I missed a whole week of practice. I don’t even think they can do that. Let me play.” Tom leaned back against the shelves. Silence fell over the two of you before he spoke up. “This wasn’t my dream growing up.”

“Playing football?”

“Yeah. I mostly did it because Harrison decided to try out. He, of course, convinced me enough. So I went to the tryouts.” He scoffed as he remembered that day. “I was scrawny and still wore braces. Imagine that. Most of the seniors during freshman year laughed at me, but I tried to not pay them any mind. They bullied me.”

“I remember that.” You played with his hands. “They’d push you up against the lockers. They’d hit you.” You frowned.

“They couldn’t hit me hard enough to stop me from joining.” Tom admitted.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too for what I did to you.” He tilted his head to the side to look at you.

“What did you want to do?”

“As stupid as it may sound. I wanted to act. Be in the school play.” He shook his head at the thought.

“It’s not stupid. I could see it.” You offered a smile.

“You’ve never even seen me act, how could you possibly see me as an actor?” He chuckled.

“I can see it.” You shrugged, repeating your words.

“Okay, what about you? What does Y/n Y/L/N want to be when she grows up?”

“Mmmm.” You hummed. To be honest you never really thought about it that much. There was always the fear of dying too soon, that you thought you’d never get the chance, and you had no idea what you wanted to do with your life. “I never really gave it much of a thought.” You continued to play with Tom’s hands. “Getting through chemotherapy, and putting up the biggest fight was all that I really thought about. School and seeing the next few months were only just a second thought.”

Tom smiled sadly as he thought about how hard it must’ve been for you. How a life with you was a 'live in the moment' ordeal. That at some point you'd both have to let the truth sink in eventually. That you wouldn't be with him in the future. That he'd have to continue on without you “Well, whatever you decide to do, you’re going to be great at it.” He wrapped his arm around you and kissed your temple.

The bell rang over the intercom signaling the end of the day. You unwrapped yourself from his embrace and stood up holding a hand out for him to take. He grabbed your hand and stood up, but not before hoisting your backup up and onto his shoulder.

“Are you ever going to let me carry my bag?” You shook your head.

“We'll see.” He gave you a cheeky smile. He held onto your hand tugging you forward as he walked backwards.

-

You both headed home after school had ended. You were sitting at your desk finishing up some homework you wanted to get done. Tom didn’t show up to the game.

He didn’t want to play and you respected his wishes. You were sad that you had practically begged the principal to let him play.

Mr.Johnson was hesitant but after some explaining on your behalf he gave in, now you were starting to think it was all for nothing. But Tom telling you he never truly wanted to play football gave you some ease. You closed up your math textbook and swiveled around in your chair to face Tom who was reading a book you got him hooked on, on your bed.

“We should do something fun tonight.” You suggested gently. Tom put the book down and gave you his attention.

“What did you have in mind?” Tom scooted closer to the edge to sit down in front of your chair. He smiled as he grabbed ahold of the sides of the chair and pulled you forward to him. The chair slid across the floor causing you to squeal.

You smiled gently at him. “Let’s go to a party.”

Tom’s eyes widened in surprise, not expecting the word 'party' to come out of your mouth. “Yeah, we can do that.” He nodded, unsure of himself.

-

Harper raised her pom-poms in the air as Harrison ran the winning touchdown. The buzzer went off and the announcer cheered through the microphone.

“Cyclones win, cyclones win!”

Harper screamed alongside her cheerleaders. They all jumped up and down and then ran into the middle of the field where everyone had surrounded Harrison. The blonde was too excited that he hadn’t seen Harper come up behind him. He turned towards her and didn’t expect her to kiss him. His shock washed away as he gripped her waist tighter. Harper pulled away to catch her breath then she yelled.

“Party at my house!” She smiled as her classmates cheered and hollered ‘yeahs’ and woohoos.”

-

When Harper said she was throwing a party. She meant it… Tom put the car in park and stared up at the two-story house through the window. A few buddies of his hanging out on the front lawn. He turned over to look at you.

“We still have time to change our minds. We can leave. We don’t have to go inside.” Tom grabbed your hand and began rubbing your skin soothingly.

“I’m okay.” You smiled reassuringly.

“Okay.” Tom let out a breath of air and let go of your hand. He got out the door and rushed around to open your door. You smiled thankfully and grabbed the hand that he extended out to you

Tom and you walked hand in hand to the front door. It wasn’t a surprise when some of Tom’s teammates greeted him with a warm welcome or a pat on the back. He hadn’t really spent much time around them, so it was a rare sight to see everyone be so friendly with each other.

A few of them glanced your way. Some raked their eyes up and down your figure while a few of them only smiled and nodded at you. You only responded with a smile and let Tom lead the way into the house. The music instantly blared in your ears. You weren’t used to hearing such loud music, so out of instinct, you gripped Tom’s hand and practically attached yourself to his back. His response to this was to pull you closer and plant a kiss on your temple. Both of you managed to move around and through all the intoxicated and grinding bodies.

It was quite a sight to see. You swore you’ve never seen a girl throw herself back onto a guy before, but there was a first time for everything right?

Harper watched from the top rail that was placed in between the two staircases. She smirked as she watched everyone having a good time. Her parents were gone for the weekend, so everything was going according to plan…well at least until…

“Look who decided to show up. Three o’clock.” Hannah gestured down below to you and Tom making your way through everyone.

“Well, at least we now know why he wasn’t at the game.” Harper sneered and looked at you with hatred.

“Who cares now, at least she got him to come.” Heather perked up.

“Plan ‘get Tom back’ is in motion.” Heather placed her hands on the rail and smirked.

“Now all we need is to separate the two.” Harper stated. The girls paused for a moment to think. A lightbulb had gone off in Hannah’s head suddenly.

“I got the perfect idea!” Hannah smirked. “She won’t know what hit her.”

A few heads turned your way as you held onto Tom. The chatter and whispers quickly happened as you reached the kitchen. Tom kept walking with your hand in his as he observed his choices for a drink.

A beer would have been his go-to drink. A grab and take, but he was here with you. You were at your first party, and if anyone was to get drunk it was going to be you. All he wanted at the moment was for you to have a great time, drunk or not. He didn’t want you to worry about anything else other than your own enjoyment. He was a bit skeptical that you had wanted to come to this. Let alone come to a party thrown by Harper. Her name screamed all over this. He knew you, you were down to earth and preferred to stay inside or go to the park if that’s what you wanted. You wouldn’t have come to this if there was a catch. Right?

You watched as he picked up a beer bottle, and then set it down quickly.

“Don’t want to drink?” You smiled and questioned him.

“Not tonight.” He smiled and stepped up to plant a kiss on your lips.

“You sure?” You furrowed your brows.

“Yes, I’m sure. Why don’t we get you a drink instead.” Tom turned back to the counter and observed a couple of soda bottles.

“Okay, just no alcohol please.” You smiled gently.

“Of course.” Tom looked around the kitchen and spotted the red solo cups.

Perfect, he thought.

He walked over and grabbed one. He came back over to you and poured you a good amount of Sprite. He tasted it first to make sure it wasn’t spiked then came it back to you.

“This cup is your new best friend.” Tom smiled as he heard you giggle. “Perfectly suitable to hide any drink of your choosing, alcohol or not. Plus, it makes for the perfect prop to blend in with everyone else.” He motioned to everyone who was holding a red cup. “No harm, no foul. You have one of those in your hand.” He gestured to your cup. “No one will question you one bit…” Tom caressed your hair behind your ear.

You stared at him thoughtfully. No one would ever go through this much for you. Yet Tom has. He brought you comfort, he made you feel safe. Even at a party full of drunks. You pecked him sweetly on the lips.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Tom hummed as he kissed you tenderly.

This time you decided to lead the way. You found a couch that wasn’t full and decided to sit on it. Tom followed your lead and leaned back on the coach. He rested his arm behind your head. You enjoyed being here with him. People were enjoying themselves and the music was good apart from it being blasted through the speakers. The night was great. For the most part…

As far as alone time with Tom went, it seemed to be cut short.

“Yo Tom!” Tom glanced up to see Harrison and a few of his friends make their way towards you. “Tommy boy. There he is!” Tom stood up to greet Harrison. “How are you mate? We needed you out there tonight.” Harrison swayed in place. He patted Tom on the cheek.

“I think you did just fine without me.” Held onto his best friend.

“Come hang with us, the boys are doing keg stands you gotta come do it, man.” Harrison smiled.

“I can’t.” Tom whispered tilting his head slightly at you.

“Pshh.” Harrison pushed Tom out of the way and spoke to you. “You don’t mind if we steal him for a second love, do you?”

“Oh uh, I guess not…” You were about to open your mouth again but Harrison beat you to it. “Great, be back in a sec.” Harrison stood behind Tom and pushed him toward the backyard door.

Tom threw out slight curses at Harrison. “I’ll be back, just stay there!” He managed to say over his shoulder as he was being dragged outside.

“Okay.” He was already far away from a hearing distance. “I’ll be here…” You slumped your shoulders and took sips from your drink. You never knew loneliness until now as you watched people chatter amongst themselves. Tom had friends whereas you did not. You shrunk in your seat wanting to turn invisible all of a sudden.

-

Harrison ushered Tom to the center of his friends as they got outside.

“Guess who showed up boys. Tommy boy is back!” Tom closed his eyes and smiled as people hollered and cheered him on. He looked around the backyard. The party was even more in swing than it was inside. Friends and classmates of his either making out or diving into the pool.

-

“Not enjoying the party?” You lifted your gaze from your lap. It was Harper with a smile on her face.

“Oh no, I’m enjoying myself, you outdid yourself.” You chuckled nervously. Harper gave you a pointed look which caused you to give in. “Okay…maybe not as much as I’d like.”

“Tom ditch you?” She asked curiously. She looked around the room full of sweaty drunks.

“No, he uh…Harrison took him somewhere for a second.” You scratched your head with your finger. “He should be back in a bit.”

“Of course he did.” Harper giggled. “Well, why don’t I keep you company while you wait? Girl time right?” Harper situated herself next to you.

“Thanks.” You smiled gratefully at her.

“No problem. You know I underestimated you Y/n.” Harper leaned her head against her hand that rested against the sofa.

“How so?” You furrowed your brows.

“Didn’t think Tom could get you to come out tonight. You keep to yourself a lot. I thought you’d refuse to go out.” Harper smiled gently. As you gave her your full attention you didn’t notice Hannah walk by and spike your drink.

“He didn’t have to convince me.” You paused as you raised your cup to your lips. Harper eyed you as you drank from the cup.

“He didn’t?”

“Nope.” You said as you lowered the cup. “You invited me.” You smiled sweetly at her. “I wanted to come tonight. I thought it’d be fun.” You nodded.

“Glad you did.” Harper nudged your arm playfully. “The party is just about to get better.” Harper said under her breath.

“Huh?”

“Oh, nothing.” Harper laughed. You eyed her then brushed it off with a chuckle of your own. "You have fun okay." Harper got up and bid you a goodbye.

-

Tom stood with one hand in his pocket and the other holding a beer.

A few girls in their bikinis gave him a flirty smile as they passed him and his buddies. He turned away immediately, already wanting to get back to you. Harrison noticed and smirked.

“You should get with that.” Harrison suggested as he watched the girls walk away.

“Funny, Haz.” Tom shook his head as he sipped the beer he was given.

“Oh come on lighten up will ya.” Harrison patted him. “How about a little competition?” Harrison knew Tom could never resist a ‘friendly’ competitive game of who can down all their drinks first.

“I’m sorry, no.” Tom chuckled, refusing to play.

“Don’t be such a buzzkill. We’re having a good time.”

“Really? Because I’m not.” Tom scowled as he eyed him and the guys. He scoffed and walked back inside to find you.

-

Once he was back inside he instantly regretted leaving you alone. There you stood with your shirt off on top of the table. Dancing to the music. What made everything worse was how everyone was videotaping you. And the thing that pissed him off the most was the fact Harper was the closest one to you and she was letting this happen.

He couldn’t take it anymore. He shoved and pushed his way to the front. Harper immediately noticed him and began speaking.

“Wow, and here we were thinking she was such a priss. When in fact she’s a party animal!” She shouted.

“Shut up, Harper!” Tom growled at her. He looked around the dining table in search of your shirt. “Where’s her shirt, Harper? Huh, where is it?” When she didn’t respond he turned toward you and got you down from the table. Much to your protest. He stripped his jacket off and put it on you.

“T-Tom!” You slurred as he struggled to enter your arms through the sleeves. The music cut off and everyone watched as Tom hurried to button up his jean jacket on you. Once you were decent again he turned towards Harper, and if it weren’t for how close you were to him. You wouldn’t have felt his body tremble with anger. You grew quiet immediately.

“You got her drunk.” Tom breathed in deeply. “Are you serious!” He scowled at her. Harper flinched as she stood her ground.

“She wanted to have fun...” She shrugged. Her tone of voice was innocent.

“No, don’t be so coy. You planned this, didn’t you? You wanted to get her drunk to humiliate her.”

“Hey don’t put this on me, she was the one drinking.” Harper raised her hands in defense.

“Bullshit! She never wanted to drink, I gave her soda, not alcohol. You gave her that!” Tom pointed a finger at her.

“You don't have proof that I did such a thing, Tom,” Harper smirked.

“What do you want from me, Harper? I’m not yours, I never was.” Tom slumped his shoulders in defeat. “The one time I’m finally happy, you decide you want to take that away from me. I’m happy, don’t you get that!” Tom’s eyes became watery. “I’m happy, Harper. Happy. Y/n makes me happy!” Tom glanced back at you with a heartbroken expression then back at Harper. “Get over yourself already.” Tom shook his head. “I don’t want to be with you. I never did!”

“Well, I did!” Harper glanced down in shame avoiding people's eyes on her. She swallowed nervously. Her guilt was building up. “I loved you. Okay, why her? Why not me?”

“That’s just it, Harper. Because she isn’t you! She doesn't get someone she hates drunk just to humiliate her.”

“I’m sorry...” Harper frowned, slowly handing back your shirt with despair and shame. Tom scoffs snatching it back from her.

“Stay away from us, Harper.” Tom wrapped his arm around you and led you out of the house in no time. As you both reached your side of the car, you placed your hands on your stomach and hunched over the bushes. Tom held your hair back and rubbed your back soothingly.

“Let it all out. I got you.” Once he was sure you threw everything up. Tom opened the passenger door and let you sit down for a minute. He opened the back seat and got a hoodie. He used it to wipe your mouth.

“I’m sorry.” You muttered as he caressed your hair back and continued to wipe your mouth.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” Tom stared at you. “If anything I’m sorry. That I left you alone.”

“Not your fault.” You frowned. “Can you take me home?”

“Yeah.” Tom leaned forward and kissed your head. You put your legs inside the car and he closed your door for you. Tom got in himself and started the car.

So much for your first party.

-

Saturday.

The following morning you woke up with the worst hangover. At least now you could tell people you’ve had one.

You were expecting your mom to tell you something but she did anything but that. Tom had explained what happened and you barely remember her hugging you. She sent you off to bed. Now you were awake and ready to start your day. You had wasted away the time in bed for a bit before you mustered up the energy to get up.

The smell of bacon and eggs caused you to be a bit queasy as you went downstairs, but it went away.

Tom had come over to watch you since your mom was doing some errands. He smiled as you dragged your feet over to one of the stools and planted yourself on it. You had closed your eyes.

“Hi.” He laughed.

“Shhh!” You silenced him. Your head was pounding.

Tom bit back a laugh. He quickly placed two ibuprofen pills in front of you and a glass of water. “Here it’ll help with the migraine.”

You opened your eyes and saw the pills. You took one at a time and downed them with the cold water. You closed your eyes as you hummed in satisfaction. Tom couldn’t help but find this side of you adorable. He walked around the island and came over to your side.

“You okay?” He pushed some hair away from your face.

“Apart from being hungover…yes I’m fine. Thank you for taking care of me.” You hummed in delight as he cupped your cheeks and pecked your lips.

“I’d do anything for you.” You smiled and wrapped your arms around his neck. “Shockingly no video of you was posted online.”

“Really.” You were physically relaxed. "That's good to know."

"I'm sorry about Harper."

"It's okay...can't imagine what she's going through if she feels the need to take it out on someone."

"She shouldn't have done that to you regardless..."

"It's water under the bridge..." You rest your chin on your palm. "Now what's for breakfast?"

"Eggs-"

"Yes..."

"-Bacon-"

"You do love me-" You laugh.

"And pancakes, with possibly some fruit involved." He grins at you, tilting his head.

"Oh, I'm gonna love you forever." You sigh in bliss.

He didn't doubt it. Despite your limited time together, he never doubted your eternal love for one second, that you would, love him forever. That your love for him wouldn't vanish because even if forever would never be guaranteed with you, not truly, not likely. It was your love for him, and his love for you that would remain.

Now that was true and that was the reality of your story together. 

[ghiblinsm]

cannon list

first movie:

Wade doesn't actually know anything that really happened to you in the workshop, just bits and pieces that were hinted by Francis.

“You have to live with the shitty thing you did for the rest of your life.”

you love your dad, really you do. but you will always have a bit of resentment for what he signed you up for.

"It doesn't get better, and it doesn't get easier. I can't keep lying to myself,"

during the months you were being injected fluids in your blood, Austin had kept asking his mom to call Wade and see what happened.

“Yo, this is Wade. I’m either out doing mercenary stuff, getting into trouble, or just avoiding your call. Leave a message. Beep”

Anytime Wade sees you with clothes that show your arms and legs, he always thinks about how the scars on your skin were caused by him. (not s.h scars but thunder like scars caused by other types of torture)

“Who knew that bringing my daughter to a workshop full of dangerous crap would be a bad idea? Genius move, Wade. Just chalk it up to another day of being a fantastic father.”

He's never brought it up but sometimes he notices you looking in the mirror a little longer then usual then sees you later in a new outfit of pants or leggings and a long sleeve or cardigan.

"I can't stand to look at my scars, every time I look at them, I'm reminded at what happened. How he failed to protect me and i don't want to hold that against him..."

More often then you two both like to admit, you both make a bunch of self-deprecating jokes about being a bad father/daughter.

Wade: "You know, sweetheart, I always thought I'd be a great dad… but I guess I took 'daddy issues' to a whole new level, huh? Can I put that on my résumé?"

You: "At least you made the list. I didn’t even make it onto the ‘good daughter’ list. I’m just the bonus kid with the emotional baggage. You’d think I’d be on sale by now."

second movie:

When you first met Russell you could only think about how scary it must've been for him to be surrounded by people trying to say they knew how he felt.

"You’re a mess, Russell. But I took responsibility for your actions, and I can’t just leave you."

when you were put in the ice box prison you kind of gave up, just like you father. except since you saw how much Russell was trying you decided to at least help him not get beat up.

"I’ve spent my whole life trying to do what’s best for everyone else. I forgot to take care of myself."

during the whole ordeal your heart and mind were in-between resentment and pity for your dad. he was acting like the world stopped when vanessa was shot when it didn't. you still feel bad for feeling this way.

"The only way to get through the day is to keep pushing forward, even if it feels like you’re dragging the weight of the world."

a secret you didn't even tell your dad was that when most of the x force died you giggled and sent a video to Austin.

"I'm sorry for your loss...*later* Austin i need to laugh so fricking badly but i can't because i'm with colossus. what do i do?"

Wade's a little disappointed in himself for this one but, when you all were in the ice box prison and he saw you trying to keep Russell out of shit, he thought he could leave Russell in your hands and stay out of everything, despite more prisoners getting violent.

"I want to be the person who helps people. I want to be the person who can make a difference. But I don’t know how."

Third movie

the day Wade tried to join the avengers you were chilling with Austin who was on the phone with Peter and somehow interviews came up in discussion and you heard Peter ask Austin how common alliterative names were because Happy was talking about a disrespectful guy that came in for an interview and had a 'dumb' name.

"I’m just a guy who loves a good time. Who cares about the rest?"

when nicepool led y'all to his honda, you were thinking back to peter's situation with two other spiderman and when wolverine and your dad were in the car you couldn't help but ask nicepool how his y/n was.

"You can’t change the past. You can only learn from it and hope that you don’t repeat the same mistakes."

you were friends with laura for a short while at the age of 11 and when you two met again in the void you both immediately did y'all's handshake out of instinct.

“Life is short! So we should spend it having fun and making memories!”

couldn't really think of more stuff for the third movie that would involve spoiling stuff I have planned so it was cut short.

hope y'all liked it!

"Well everyone loves me" by Rizzy105 on wattpad

[atinyjules]

Eyes Off You Ft. Park Jisung {ch-2}

A/n: There was no current, and I didn't know when it would come, so I ended up not being able to finish it within the time that I originally wanted it to be done cause well... what if the current didn't come back?☠️

(P.s: the current still hasn't returned. I just couldn't stop myself from finishing it.)

People might think the storyline is a little similar to my other Jisung fic. I didn't realise until I checked out that series after posting this one. But that one was like confession gone wrong, and this is like friends falling out and then falling in love during the redemption period. So it's different I suppose.

Gosh, I have formed a bad yapping habit these days, both typing and speaking.

So here it iss

The mini masterlist for this series can be found here

Tw: boys with play boy or fuck boy nature.

Jisung's

"I wonder how the freshers will be like. Not only the music majors but all the freshers in general." Jaemin said making Renjun scoff.

"You just want more girls to add to your quick fuck list." Renjun said making Jaemin gasp in an offended manner.

"I don't want all the freshers to be quick fucks! Of course, I wanna get to know them a little as well." Jaemin said with a smirk while wiggling his eyebrows.

"Disgusting." Renjun said making me chuckle.

"Won't jisung have the most fun, though? He's gonna be their direct senior." Jeno said while nudging me in a teasing manner.

"Shut up, I'm not interested." I said with a shrug as Jaemin and Jeno looked at each other before howling and nudging me.

"It's because of that girl in the party, rightttt??" Jaemin said while nudging me.

"No. She's not even my type." I said as they kept nudging me with a smirk gracing their lips.

"Then what's your type? Our Jisung is one of the top ace of the university. A top dog like you must have eyes on girls just as successful as him, I suppose." Jaemin said, making Renjun smack him with his book as i shrugged.

"Stop pestering him. Jisung isn't a player like you two." Renjun said as Jeno nudged him.

"I see you're still bitter because of last week." Jeno said, referring to the girl who slapped him right across his face at Haechan's party.

"No, I don't even care about who that person is. Just don't pull Jisung into your silly antics. I'm heading to class." Renjun said as we bid him bye for the morning.

"What is your type, though?" Jeno asked making me shrug.

"I don't have a type." I say as Jaemin shook his head.

"Then why did you say that Sejeong isn't your type?" Jaemin asked with a smirk as I groaned.

"Cause she's not. I'd rather pay attention to dance." I said as Jeno thought for a bit.

"So basically... you're not entirely against the idea of dating." Jeno asked as I thought for a while before nodding.

"If I find a nice girl who's worth my time, I'm willing to give this relationship stuff a chance. But until then-" Jaemin cuts my sentence with a smirk.

"You can test the waters! When the freshers arrive, me and Jeno will scavenge for the perfect girl for you!" They said before waving and leaving for their class.

I sighed as I got up and left for my class as well. After class was over for the morning, I lazily packed my books and walked towards the cafeteria.

"Jisung!" I turned to find Chenle making his way to me.

"Oh, hey." I said as he sighed.

"You didn't sleep, did you?" He asked, making me chuckle before continuing my walk to the cafeteria with him.

"Yes, I'm sorry, mom." I teased, making him roll his eyes.

We quickly got our lunch and headed to our usual table. Everyone except Renjun was already there as we sat.

"Where's Renjun?" Chenle asked as Haechan sighed.

"He's quite busy these days, so he just took a bite of his sandwich and zoomed off with his banana milk without a word." Haechan said, making me widen my eyes.

"Damn." I said as we began eating our lunch.

"9h, Johnny texted me a while back. He invited us for some drinks and snacks he got for free." Mark said making everyone including me cheer.

"Well, that's good timing! All seven of us haven't had the chance to hang out together all week. It'll be fun." Jaemin said making me nod at his words.

"Yeah, but what about Renjun?" Chenle asked as Haechan showed us a thumbs up.

"He'll be there. He said that he's free after class." Haechan said as all of us cheered.

"It's settled then." Mark said with an excited tone.

×××

Lianna's

After Johnny introduced me to Sungchan and Shotaro, we clicked almost instantly due to our similar taste in music, food, and anime. Since both of them were released early from uni, we decided to hang out together. We first did some shopping before going and playing games in the arcade.

"It's nice that we met cause, honestly... I was getting sick of seeing the same people every day." Sungchan confessed making me smile.

"Aww, thanks." I said as Shotaro chuckled.

"Sungchan is right, though. University is quite boring in Korea. Especially the hierarchy system here. But I'm glad that our friend group isn't a part of the system... we just mind our own business and have fun!" Shotaro said making me chuckle.

"It sounds like so much fun." I say as Sungchan nods.

"Of course it is, and now you're a part of our team!" He said as we fist bumped each other.

It was already dark by the time we came out of the arcade, so we decided to just eat out. After sending Johnny a short text, I headed inside with the guys.

"Uni is fun and all, but there's some people that you might want to steer clear of." Shotaro said as we ate.

"Mhm! Especially the Dream Squad. They're all trouble... well, three of them. The rest are okay, but... they have like... a superiority complex of some sort." Sungchan said, making Shotaro nod in agreement.

"They're not all bad, but... something about their behavior screams, 'we're too important and famous to talk to you'. I don't like speaking badly of people, but I just don't like their whole popular kid attitude." Shotaro said making me nod with a hum.

"I attended a few months of high school here before moving back to Chicago. And some friends ds of mine suddenly became popular and abandoned me because I wasn't as popular as they were." I said making them scoff.

"They sound like a bunch of losers." Sungchan said with a scowl as Shotaro nodded in agreement.

"This is why I hate glow ups. We see the true nature of people we considered our own." Shotaro said, his sentence hitting a little too close to home as I nodded.

"Yeah, you're right." I said before clearing my throat and continuing to eat.

"Why isn't class starting faster?! I can't wait to introduce you to the rest!" Sungchan said, making me chuckle.

"I know! Today was so fun, it'll be even more fun to go and come back from uni together!" Shotaro said making me nod.

"Yeah! You guys are the best!" I said as we happily ate up.

After we said our goodbyes for the night, I opened the door and changed into my room slippers.

"Lia, is that you?" Johnny called out from the kitchen making me sigh.

"Don't talk to me. I'm exhausted." I said before heading up straight to my bedroom with my shopping bags.

"Good night." I said in a tired tone as I went upstairs without looking at the living room. After changing into my pjs, I did my skincare and listened to music for a little while before going to sleep.

Jisung's

After reaching Johnny's place, I saw a pair of high heels making me panic. But I decided to shrug the feeling off, not thinking too much about it. While Johnny was preparing some snacks for us, we decided to go upstairs to the lounge room only to see a bedroom with a home studio.

"That's weird. Hey, hyung! You didn't tell us you moved your bedroom here!" Chenle exclaimed before we heard the knife being dropped on the counter and a panicked Johnny running upstairs towards us.

"Woah, this room is off limits. Don't go in! I moved the lounge room downstairs." He said before pushing us downstairs.

"I didn't know you began producing again." Mark said to Johnny who sighed.

"I always produce. It's just that I don't really do gigs as much these days." Johnny said before guiding us to the lounge room.

After he went back to work, Jeno and Jaemin looked around before finding another bedroom, which was definitely Johnny's.

"If this is Johnny hyung's bedroom... who's bedroom is that?" Jeno said as Mark thought for a while before gasping.

"Yo! Johnny! Is Lia in town?" Mark exclaimed, making my stomach drop at the mention of her name.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. She starts uni in two days." Johnny said while coming with the snacks and drinks.

"What?! Lia's starting uni? Where?" Haechan asked as my heart began thumping in fear.

"Who's Lia?" Chenle asked as the rest nodded at Chenle's question.

"Johnny hyung's younger sister." Haechan said as everyone gasped.

"Also, my only sister. She's gonna start classes at NCUA." Johnny said, making my stomach drop.

Fuck...no

"You had a sister?" Jaemin asked as Renjun butted in.

"You never even mentioned her." Renjun said as Johnny shrugged and ate his Ramen.

"You never asked, and I never felt the need to mention her. But now you know." He said as we sat down.

"Damn... I always thought you were an only child." Jeno said as Chenle nodded.

"Yeah! You always carry yourself in such a cool air. I thought you didn't have any siblings." Chenle said as Johnny took a sip of his Coke.

"I'm quite chill and collected because she lived in Chicago with my parents, so I didn't have to worry about her too much. I might not seem like it, but I'm actually a proud and protective big brother." Johnny said as Jaemin suddenly spoke up.

"So where is she? We wanna meet her." Jaemin said, making the rest nod excitedly.

"Yeah, I wanna see if she's like a female version of Johnny." Chenle said, making everyone imagine it before shivering in fear.

"Nope... better not be." Renjun said as Mark and Haechan chuckled.

"She does not look like Johnny hyung at all. They don't even look like they're related." Haechan said as Mark nodded.

"She's pretty chill, though." Mark said as Johnny proudly nodded.

"Not only beauty but the calm and chill personality runs in the family as well." Johnny said before making eye contact with me making me look away and take a sip of my drink.

"Sadly, she's having dinner out today with some friends of hers, so it's very unlikely that you'll bump into her." Johnny said as we jammed to music and chilled together.

After eating, we were all in the kitchen talking when the door opened and footsteps could be heard.

"That must be here. Lia, is that you?" Johnny called out.

"Don't talk to me. I'm tired." A voice proclaimed before going upstairs, and that was the first time I saw her in 3 years. But she was wearing a warm jacket that covered her mouth with a cap and sunglasses. She was also holding shopping bags. My heart froze in fear for a second.

"Good night. " She said with a tired tone without looking towards Johnny and went straight to her bedroom.

"That was quick." Renjun said as Johnny chuckled.

"When she's exhausted, she just goes to her bedroom to rest and doesn't like talking to anyone." Johnny said as Jeno and Jaemin groaned.

"I wanted to see her face." Jaemin said as Jeno nodded.

After hanging out for a little while, we decided to head back to our dorm. As we went home, I couldn't stop thinking about what Johnny had told me before we left.

"Just because I behave normally doesn't mean I've forgotten what you did, I'm just a calm person who doesn't want to cause a scene. But if my sister comes home with even a tiny little frown on her face because of you, I won't hesitate to send you to the ER."

Johnny in Big Brother mode is so hot, ngl 🫣😩❤️‍🔥

Well, that's it for this chapter 💖✨️

I hope you guys are liking it so far 💖✨️

Chapter 3 can be found here

Likes and rebloggs are appreciated 💖 ✨️

[pumpkinsy0]

Do u have headcanons about or what do you think about a 90s or 00s AU (maybe) where Curly Shepard is a punk and Ponyboy a goth or a babybat? ^_^ Like imagine purly but ponyboy tries to show his obsession for edgar allan poe and curly or the gang JUST DON'T GET IT 😭

wym anon that literally already IS purly🙄🙄

BUT YEA I DO HAVE HCS!!!! o(^-^)o

(for context who dont know, baby at is the name for like ppl who r newly goth basically, theyre just starting out listening to music n stuff like that)

•since curly is punk here and the whole idea of punks is essentially anti establishment and love individuality i will NOT make him make fun of pony for being goth, especially when hes a babybat hes just embracing himself

•also curly is curly i feel like hes a bit morbid himself and would be at the very least interested in edgar allen poe, so even if he wasnt punk he wouldnt make fun of pony for liking him, even if he does thats just bc hes being friendly and just does NOT like poetry

•ill place this in like, late 90s and early 2000s, so there is that huge thing against goths and punks for being ‘weird’ and against god or something along those lines

•curlys pretty used to being targeted for being different for his punk style and such while pony isnt exactly used to that so i imagine that hes more protective while ponys trying to figure himself out in that regard

•some bands pony would b interested in is evanescence, the cure, and siouxsie and the banshees, london after midnight, of course there IS more but these r like more so his favs

•how pony found out about gothic bands was like, a song was playing in darrys car radio and darry didnt rlly like it so he changed it but the song was already stuck in ponys head

•he brought it up to curly but pony was just like ‘idk maybe itll pass’, it in fact DID not pass and later they was just chillin in curlys car and the song came back on the radio and pony was like ‘neuron activated’

•curly was personally not rlly into the song, but hey, ponys happy so its whatever

•personally i imagine that pony doesnt have a gothic STYLE more so he has a love for gothic songs and literature, yknow what i mean??? but maybe he does borrow some clothes from curly thats more on the gothic side or thrifts some clothes

•other than edgar allen poe, he does like phantom of the opera, frankenstein, dracula, carmilla, dr jekyll and mr hyde, also he would like ruby gloom (thank my gf for this hc)

•his art style is kinda influenced by those media actually

•as for what type of goth he is i could mostly see him being like a geek goth, but he is interested in the looks of victorian goths and gothabilly goths

IVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT PONY FOR TOO LONG NOW ON ABOUT CURLY

•tbh, not much to add for this guy, punk curly is literally just regular curly but more understanding of who he is and what he wants in the world yknow??

•think of curly but actually a lil more, idk thought provoking in his own curly way with a better understanding of the world

•MAY I INSERT MY HC OF CURLY HAVIN AN AFRO MOHAWK HERE🗣️🗣️

•he is from a haitian household tho and haitian moms especially tend to be more, religious and all that jazz, so while tim and angela get their ears yelled off for well being them, its especially happening to curly bc in his moms eyes hes “turning away from god” n what not being a “vagabon” as many haitian moms would put it

•he likes customizing his own clothes, he thrifts and gets a bunch of hand me downs so might as well make them look cooler

•hes a graffiti artist and hes acc pretty well known, everyone knows its him but they dont rlly say anything cause 1) hes curly shepard but 2) his work rlly isnt that bad actually

•i could totally see him liking green day and he does NOT like fall out boy but he does like a coulle of songs from them (much to his dismay

•hes picking up guitar (how he afforded it??? i payed for it lets just say that)

WHEN IT COMES TO THE GANG, they dont rlly get pony being goth, they support him of course, but they do tend to make fun of him a bit</33 but darry, soda, and johnny do try to understand him more, its rlly just two

ps anon my gf said she loves u for ur idea (shes goth, u got the goth stamp of approval)

[anonymoushotsexyperson]

GROWING UP A FAT GIRL IN THE Y2K ERA

I know peoples attention spans suck so don't worry im adding sections. So you can scroll through and just read whatever intrigues you if you can't commit to the whole thing!!

this post will talk about my experiences growing up as a fat girl and just a little bit about how it effected my relationship to my body as I grew up as well as the struggles of fatness intersecting with racism and ableism as well as very briefly touching on the wojack giving fat girl backshots meme going around!

SECTION 1 THE BEGINNING OF MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY BODY AND HOW FAT PHOBIA EFFECTED IT.

My first experience with fat phobia I remember consciously is around the ages of 6 or 7. My mother and father had recently divorced and I was growing into myself more and more everyday getting stronger, smarter, limbs getting longer, body getting bigger. I was going through growth spurts. I would chub up a little then id grow a few inches, chub, grow, chub grow. Seems like a pretty normal concept or idea to manage right? Well not for the average y2k adult. Everyone would always make comments to my mother or out of fear of being judged for being a bad parent she would bring it up herself. I remember my mothers response to the comments about my body. "she is stress eating because of the divorce!" was always her reply... and giiiiirl no the fuck I wasn't. I was not really that effected by my mom and dads divorce till later on. At that age as long as I was surrounded by most of my family and I had YouTube much else didn't matter to me and kind of went over my head if i'm being real with you. Hey I'm a kid though who knows maybe I was stress eating and just had no idea what to call it at the time and then don't remember but honestly, if my memory is serving me correctly I used to be so confused when she said that! If I was eating a little more it was probably because I was GROWING INTO MY BODY MAYBE?? That was my first run in which followed up with many more, like when my dad made me step on a scale in the living room of his new home strangers -that later became family- walking around, free to stare at whatever the number said. "If you don't lose weight you are coming to live with me." Still echoes through my head, I was about 7. It doesn't stop there I was being called a cow at school, or by my older brothers at home during petty fights we'd have. Some how none of the insults really stuck like that (besides the situation with my dad). They definitely hit me, but if I denied that they did then that counts as dodging them right? Growing up I always thought I wasn't that heavily effected by the raging and rampant fat phobia permeating through the y2k, but in reality it caused me to start neglecting my body all together. Up until the summer between 7th and 8th grade I never looked at myself in the mirror. Maybe a quick glance but I would never fixate on my appearance. Now hyper fixating on your appearance can be unhealthy but so is pretending you don't have one at all which was the type of timing I was on. Fat phobia among other factors was the leading cause of what became a history of neglecting myself.

SECTION 2 DEVELOPING AN EATING DISORDER AS A FAT PERSON

scroll to the next section if you want to avoid triggers!

The effect fat phobia had on me didn't really start to show on the surface until 7th-8th grade. My girlfriend had an eating disorder and she was living with me at the time because her family was homeless (we were closeted as best friends). She didn't encourage my eating disorder but it was kind of a monkey see monkey do kind of thing, she made me start to consider it. At that age range I was looking for different ways to destroy myself as well as connect with my peers and some how those too things strongly intersected as the glamorization of self harm and mental illness was at an all time high. I'm not sure why twelve to thirteen yearly anon wanted to destroy themselves so bad but I think if anything it stemmed from a need for control over my surroundings. At this age my home life wasn't the best. I forgot how, but I think maybe through just looking up depressing quotes in general I found the infamous Ana and Mia. Oh and trust me Cassie Ainsworth from skins did not help AT ALL. CUE THE INFAMOUS GIF:

TW CASSIE AINSWSORTH GIF:

even LOOKING FOR THIS GIF BEGAN TO STIR SOMETHING INSIDE ME OH MY GOD??

The worst part about being a fat girl with an eating disorder is how proud of me everyone was. "Anon you're getting so slim!" "Anon look at you slimming out see I knew it was just baby fat!". My friends knew of my ed so they would never compliment me for it or really talk about my body in general, probably half because of my ed but also half because I was still fat and not considered desirable or something to be jealous of regardless of if I lost a few pounds. But my family complimented my figure a lot as I slimmed and I got less fat jokes and the doctor was happy and people did treat me a little different. JUST a little cuz I was still fat but a noticeable enough change in the way people treated me for me to want to keep going and indulge myself deeper in my unhealthy habits.

But yeah long story short I developed an ed and I thought I was so fat and gross and disgusting and dude I look back at myself and why was my body LICHRALLAY SO T??? I honestly wasn't even morbidly obese or anything (which I am now BECAUSE of my eating disorder but fuck it we ball and also I ENJOY BEING FAT I knowww plot twist right?) also you minors in the ed community YES YOU take NOTE at this next part: I was literally just growing into my body... but then I fucked up my metabolism really bad and completely skewed my relationship with health, dieting, and workout culture so i'm either doing too much or not enough. So not only did my metabolism get utterly destroyed but having to learn how to take care of myself from scratch ended up destroying all the progress made and here I am literally 60 pounds heavier than I was back then and i've dropped weight since i've developed a healthier relationship with my body so if we are keeping it a buck until about a year ago I had accumulated about 100 pounds of weight since my pre ed days because of the effects the eating disorder had on me ! (oh and I have heart problems now not from being fat but from attempting to become skinny the wrong way! if you fast and binge or fast and do cardio and feel your heart beating like that... if you know you know...yeah you're fucking up your heart and need to stop like right now girly!) SO yeah I am a recovering anorexic with some bulimic symptoms. Though even after developing my eating disorder my issues with body image didn't really really affect me until later on.

SECTION 3 THE SOCIALIZATION OF FATNESS/THE INTERSECTIONAL STRUGGLE BETWEEN MY BLACKNESS AND FATNESS/ BECOMING THE DUFF/ WOJACK MEME.

Along side subconsciously neglecting myself I would also publicly portray myself as very tough skinned and overly confident all throughout middle and high school as a defense mechanism when in reality I was pretty indifferent toward myself and extremely sensitive. I think that my tough exterior wasn't only due to me being fat but also being a black woman although I am biracial/light skinned in complexion I feel like I was still hyper masculinized due to my blackness especially growing up in an area where I was closer in proximity to blackness then a large majority of my counterparts. I feel like a lot of my aggression and flamboyancy came from constantly being in a state of self defense and also subconsciously feeling like I had to play the role that was written for me or else I wouldn't be loved or appreciated or wanted. By the role that was written for me i'm talking about Precious, Rasputia, Mercedes Jones, Ivy Wentz, the stereotype of being the fat black women, and for my non black fat baddies for you this would be The DUFF role. This is when you're known as the flamboyant friend with the attitude that everyones scared to make the butt of the joke because she is NOT afraid to snap you in two. The stereotype isn't entirely wrong i'm sure a lot of people fall into it for the same reason as me but then it becomes our main character trait, and that mixed into a juicy cocktail of dehumanization of fat bodies turns you into the friends the skinny girls bring to the club to scare off ugly dudes as if you're a bodyguard and are immune to sexual or physical assault because you're fat!

So I grew up neglecting my body because of fat phobia developed a life altering eating disorder because of how romanticized they were due to fat phobia, and spent my whole life being guys secret crush, or the "annoying dramatic fat girl" because of fat phobia but still even then it didn't seem it had the real detrimental effect on my body image everyone said it would until I was 20. When I was 20 I moved back to my hometown for a little bit where the beauty standard is very much "ambiguous white skinny girl" and I thought that maybe I would get play because hey we are like adults who are deprogramming all that bullshit anyway right? WELLL I did get play, crazy play of course! Just in secret, and I've had guys have secret crushes on me etc but never to the extent I began to face it in my 20's where they would so obviously be horny over me all the time while simultaneously being mad at me for making them horny because I'm fat and it confuses and embarrasses them ( men are genuinely socialized to be suchhhh fucking psychopaths. -if you're a guy and you're reading this don't say that not all men bullshit yes we know not you i'm not gonna specify every time to preserve your ego goddamn). I have some sad and weird stories about that, that involves men thinking they could be more aggressive with me or literally impose violence on me or be extremely weird and creepy because they're embarrassed they're attracted to a fat girl and on top of that a fat black girl that they hyper-masculinized and degraded in their head due to societal pressure/influence... but imma save that for another day or maybe never because I see nothing coming out of me posting that on here but relived trauma. Also the type of man I just described are the same ones reposting this new viral wojack meme by the way:

thats all im saying about that meme, the guys reposting it like fat bitches and are scared that they like us and can't think for themselves thats literally all I wanted to input into the conversation regarding THAT....

also I use the word bitch in an endearing aave way not in a deragotry way so please don't hit me with that "don't call women bitches" thing I don't be doing it a lot but im also not gonna stop using aave and also i'm LICHRALLY AFAB sooooo shut up...

ANYWAYS...The violence I faced at this point in my life really triggered something in me it made me realize that because of the stereotypes held up against me I will never be treated or respected or perceived authentically by the average Joe. The only person that would see me is those who have taken extensive time to deprogram parts of their brain that created these deep routed bias etc. ( also if you're wondering why these biases were created it all leads back to capitalism but THATS for another post..) After facing literal violence cause of my body it definitely caused a blow at my self esteem, but even then I shined on and persevered continuing to be my sexy self.

SECTION 4 FAT PHOBIA AND ABLEISM INTERTWINED.

It wasn't until I randomly got into an accident and became temporarily handicapped while also in the most toxic relationship of my life did I really start to fucking hate myself. For multiple months I couldn't walk, and not only was I physically handicapped but the trauma I was experiencing at that time of my life had left me mentally handicapped as well I simply didn't want to be alive and exist in this body or any body I just didn't want to exist. I had a foot I could hop on but I couldn't carry all my weight on that foot because of my previous issues with my health, (I had already been struggling with a chronic illness that effected my muscles) and i didn't have the strength in my arms for the crutches so I succumbed to my injuries, resulting in weight gain, eventually hip and back issues etc. Then, when my leg healed, the access weight made me feel like I couldn't walk without pain. I was having issues with my health unrelated to my weight since 2020 but I was homeless up until last year and it was also covid so I had no way to really see a doctor and also I was like 18-19 and had no fucking idea how any of that worked and am still figuring out how it works to this DAY. I actually just got my insurance card for the first time this year. YIPPE YIPPE EVERYBODY CLAP. These issues with my health effected my muscles and my bodies ability to absorb the nutrients from the food I ate so this injury was kind of like the icing on top of the cake because my chronic illness made the recovery almost in possible. I would cry a lot, stopped taking pictures of myself, and everything. But even then I knew I didn't really have any interest in being thin I actually really fuck with my warm fluffy voluptuous form, I just didn't want to be unhealthy.

I still haven't fully unpacked the shame I felt around being unhealthy, I was so ashamed despite me trying my best with what I had, and what I knew, and I also still haven't fully unpacked why I feel like I have to specify as I literally just did a few lines earlier that I was 'trying my best', why do visibly disabled folks only deserve care or sympathy when they're actively trying to fit into a world that isn't set up to support or aid them when it very well could be? The intersectional oppression of ableism and fat phobia is still something i'm actively developing my thoughts about.

A thought ive been thinking about a lot is how obesity is a health condition and it can be detrimental to some folks and that saying that it isn't is a reactionary trauma response to fat phobia BUT also a lot of things can be detrimental and the level of detriment different things give you differentiates based on the person. Some people are bigger than me and healthier. Some people are smaller than me and UNhealthier. The detriment fatness has on your health as all things doesn't exist on the linear scale we have created for it. SO although obesity is a disease and proposing that fat doesn't correlate with health in an important way is harmful it is also harmful and plain weird to hyper fixate on obesity. Im also thinking about how obesity is treated this way because it's one of the most visible health issues and how that bleeds into ableism. I'm still working on these thoughts i'm having and how to explain and dissect them in a proper digestible and understandable way. So I think this where I leave you to think on your own about this, what do you think? Please feel free to comment below!

[annbourbon]

The Muse

Found it! Almost~ there's another piece missing, for those interested, it's on the first days of Teo's Route, I'm still looking for it~ if someone can help me it would be really useful. As you can see, the names don't repeat. I think there are other titles in Dandelion and Nameless but I don't put my hands on fire for it lol I do know for sure that there's a missing piece on Teo's and that has nothing to do with MoM's. So let's talk about The Muse, shall we?

First, the easiest;; kind of.

Muse of Musical

Characters involved: Zen, Harry, Teo.

Game? The Ssum

Dates are an approximate because I made the mistake of not keeping track;;;

Teo's Route

♡ Day 26 Jaehee appearance

♡ Teo says Harry wins an award. This happens after day 30 of that I'm sure because I was just there~

♡ Day 44 mentioned Zen and Harry as judges.

♡ Day 56 is the Sexy & Raunchy competition

♡ For Teo MoM ends Day 59, although the Finale is on Day 86

Harry's Route

♡ Harry Day 87. For Harry MoM starts around this time I think?

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Muse is Dead

From now on I'll play in the realm of theories.

♡ Fact: The Lady of The Sun No.3 (Mentioned by Rika to be something V used, something about a photo of Rika holding a bouquet of daffodils. Seemingly, it was auctioned.)

But here in this conversation Rika and Jaehee have is where I start to realize~

Everyone was obsessed with Rika, till the point of not seeing her as a normal person but a muse. For starters, Jumin cared about that picture too, maybe a bit too much. The conversation between Jaehee and Rika might seem normal if you don’t look for the signs but they really made everything about Rika as a Muse. Rika met Zen before the RFA was created. Around The Ssum timeline, perhaps, a bit before that. Taking into account that around June route when we are explicitly told by Jumin during the wedding June's invited, that the RFA it's still a work in progress, and that happened in the first 20 days? (gotta go back and check)

Theory: For some reason I don’t believe mint-colored eye refers to V specifically. But if~ and IF it's about V, then it only proves the idea of V being the Wizard more.

Cause V lost part of his sight. What does hold magic, souls, and memories? Eyes. Eyes are used in hypnosis, as well as many other type of powers. If you remember again my previous post, when I mentioned CLAMP works, Fye, in Tsubasa Chronicles, lost one eye after Syaoran Clon ate it. He almost died because the magic resided in his eyes.

So when Jaehee asks about what Rika heart desires for, Rika talks about eyes, not about hearts, or love. But eyes. Was she planning on harming V to debilitate his powers?

And V usually talks about going back to the past….

Also, before anyone says anything about she blinding him and being a villain, do I need to remind y'all she's 159, while he is 179 and a man? I have tried to fight with all my will and strength a couple of men (individually) who weren't even trying to hurt me. And to prove my point, they were around 175 to 170, while I am 153~ one of these men was an old man. I could not win. So~ V emphatically allowed Rika to blind him.

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Diffraction of The Muse

For many artists, when creating a piece, the only thing they can see is themselves. So a muse is just a mirror. A reflection, distorted. A refractal. Although this topic won’t delve into the magical realm, it’ll help to give more color to this post so we have to talk about fairytales again.

Her name was or is still to this day, Leanan Sidhe. An irish spirit, who inspired a composer named Sebastian, according to my Fairy Bible. Handsome as hell and a total rake, he was still popular despite his bad habits. In one of those parties however he falls in love with a lady, who proposed to him to become his patreon. Story goes, he became quite productive, obsessed with composing ethereal and marvelous melodies. Not drinking, barely eating and always writing music. However none of his neighbors saw a soul visiting him. Ever. People thought he went mad. And when she offered a kiss, he quite desperate accepted, not knowing it would be the last thing he would do in life.

Trauma. Obsession. Conflict. Reunion.

Between love and obsession the lines can be blurred. Being a muse it’s lonely. You can only be perceived by the artist, whose way of perceiving “you” it’s always partial. Originally being a muse it was considered the source of knowledge, the one who in poetry, songs, myths and art. Art of muses in Music. However, somewhere along the way, it stopped being that and started to become more about artists objectifying their muse.

Does it seems too far fetched? He died in 2012. Dandelion was released in 2012 too… but maybe I’m seeing things where there’s nothing. You’re the one to judge.

As a perfect example of this there’s a japanese photographer, whose obsession with his wife was quite unsettling till the point of being vouyeristic. Masahisa Fukase. Published in 1971 I-photography, his first photobook which included numerous photos of his first wife Yukiyo Kawakami. And then of his second wife, Yoko Wanibe.

He ventured to find “reflections of himself” in each photo he took, turning into an obsession in its own right while also affecting relationships around him. The images caused ongoing conflict between the husband and wife. “He has only seen me through the lens” Yoko said bitterly of her snap-happy husband. “I believe that all the photographs of me were unquestionably photographs of himself.”

People could call him vouyerist, egoist, or dark. And in the end he died in what it seems, not a very happy life. So, as you can see, I think I am in the right track when I talk about Rika and V being in a somewhat similar relationship, this is the best example of obsessive love. It's amost eeriely how perfect represents their relationship.

And the question persists~ can we truly separate the artist from the art?

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The Anatomy of a Muse

(Video, free transcription~ not accurately transcripted. See the links for more~)

Although the idea of becoming a muse can be a huge boost for the self esteem of many women, and the initial feelings appear to be nothing but self-satisfaction. Women end up becoming dolls and you can notice it in the way they live and talk. The feeling of being a doll, an object. Not a human. It’s what makes the artist cruel.

But it is a double edge sword, because after all it’s never healthy to make your life about a whole other human. And that is what the artist does to The Muse. Never seeing another as human but as ethereal, almost like a god. Too perfect, too ethereal, in a way, very fragile, entirely alone. Unaffected. Having aristocratic allure, as if The Muse was some kind of alien. Not from here. Melancholic. Because this world is too dark, too heavy for them to exist. People outside might call it devotion instead of obsession. But that it’s alienation, and many times bordering to creepy.

A muse can differ from one person to another, but one thing seems to hold. They always represent our ideals, and the thing we wish to become. And let’s be honest, when you’re The Muse, people always obsess, observe, and when you want to make an actual talk, they never allow you to. They never listen to you. They just watch you talk, it’s like being watched without sound. Overwhelming. People want to possess you in many ways. You could be across the room, being admired for your countenance, and around you there’s a feeling of fascination, that draws people in, to create. To uncover the mysteries you carry. Sometimes going as far as wanting to have sex with you. Not caring if it’s consensual. Making jokes that cross your boundaries. And without boundaries, these kind of relationships become dangerous and volatile.

That it’s where the artist sins. Because the magic comes from the artist, as well as the infatuation and the love, however, it becomes a burden and an annoyance for The Muse, because he envies the beauty he cannot possess, the artist cannot recreate it but will try anyway. In truth, he has tunnel vision, and it’s too self-absorbed to realize of its own mirage.

True art does not come from ego, but from souls.

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In Defense of Rika: The Horror of Trauma

So I want to work on this too as an analysis for Rika, partially at least. I already did an analysis on her after all. And to clarify this, her issues are not an excuse for her behavior, but the more I study these games, the more I understand why we need to acknowledge her too. Because it’s what its left unsaid here that make it complicated, so even if it looks like I am pushing it, yes, things as feminism, psychology, trauma bonding, and attachment issues, among many other things are what make V a villain too, and perhaps much more than Rika.

From Girl-Next-Door to Femme-fatale.

Under the Male Gaze.

The Psychology of Yellow.

Traditionally has been considered as a happy color. A symbol of joyfulness, energy. Happiness.

Associated with summer months. Attention grabbing. Although on the other hand it also symbolized caution, cowardice. Hazardous.

Meant as a warning sign.

Taken from The Criminally Underrated Costume Design of Jennifer’s Body by Art at Midnight, Video on YT.

*I'm not explaining black cause it's very popular and basically everyone has a general idea, especially considering how media has taken over the years this color, from villains to anti-heroes. Oceans of ink have already been written.

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The horror of Losing Yourself

First, was losing her name, Mina. Do you guys remember my post about names? So she goes from Mina to Serena. To being sexually harassed and possibly abused by the pastor. Losing the power of protecting herself. Forsaken. Bullied at school and by her parents as well. Repeating a pattern with Mika’s eyes, Sally’s eyes, V’s eyes, Yoosung’s…

She learned to use fear as a tool.

Yet by becoming Rika, there’s another identity that she lost. Tried to keep her anxiety under control, and tried to allow herself to be happy, but since her “Sun” saw her more as a Muse than a human being with flaws, she realized that she was never allowed to be herself entirely.

And is the rejection of her whole self by her lover, V, and the fear of hurting everyone, and losing everything that sets the rest of her path. By the way, this seems to be a theme in the Cheritzverse and many others have delve into it so I will abstain because I’m not as good as them to do it so. But I will say that all this takes a toll.

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The Muse: Rika vs MC

There’s an obvious innocence in both, MC and Rika, although through the routes it’s stated the differences it’s never said specifically in which way, however, analyzing Rika’s DLC, I believe Rika tried to put a facade and thought they wouldn't notice. They did, but didn’t seem to care about this because after all what matters is the results, right?

MC on the other hand, is carefree. Not really putting a facade. I mean, she doesn’t even needs to lol cause she doesn’t have memories. And that settles the differences, but don’t worry, I haven’t finished with MC yet. And despite this obvious comparison~ Rika's setting herself free.

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How Decentering V Makes Her a Villain

The moment she decided to put her own feelings above V’s and walk away from the relationship, V decided to tell the rest of the RFA that she committed suicide. All those years instead of actually helping her, and that was his response. Yet she was forced to play a role. For everyone but herself.

In Another Story is clear she tries very hard not to engage with him but to recruit MC who will eventually work as a spy, in order to retrieve the list of guests.

Why does he do that? Why did he “kill her”? Because yes, it was V idea of killing Rika’s persona. Allegedly, because she wanted to turn everyone into believers. I’m saying allegedly because I believe there’s more to this story, something we’re not seeing, and it has to do with The Agency and The Lab. And perhaps aliens. You’ll see what I mean in my next post. Yes, we're finally reaching the ending of this.

Now, I’m not saying that Rika was healthy, but she was at least trying. One of the first things you do when you have to heal, is to step out of the toxic environment. V was way too obsessive with Rika, and MC is now a substitute. Because it’s easier to find a new woman who doesn’t know he’s lying. Listen, Rika did talk to V and told him that she needed something different. And no, taking V eyesight wasn’t the answer;;;;

She might have not been stable, but she was not volatile. That happened after V. It’s ironic to see how Yoosung was right all the time apparently.

"Heal so you can see that attention is not love, attachment is not connection and bare minimum is not effort."

A quote I found on Pinterest. Unknown author lol

Actually I would love to go into depth with Another Story because it has a lot of psychology that the first time granted me to spend hours reading every little detail and over analyzing it to make sure not to commit any mistakes. But that will not be possible 😭 I might update this or tie it to my future posts because I have a lot of interesting material to read, and this topic I’m sure it’ll come back again but besides that I don't find myself writing more on this topic.

Anyways~ I believe both of them are in need of people who believe they are the center of the relationship. This is a good reason of why it might never work between the two of them. Even in Another Story, the cracks show. And I think it was there all the time since the beginning of their relationship. You’ll see, almost relationships never change, usually time only accentuates what is already there.

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Final Notes:

Lastly and if I can say something on this topic, even I, have had some photographers trying to convince me to be their muse. But luckily at this point I knew better so I rejected them. Becoming someone you’re not it’s not only dangerous but poisonous for your soul and that, it’s a really high price to pay, even for love.

⋆ ₊ ﾟ ☽ * ₊ ⋆⋆ ₊ ﾟ ☽ * ₊ ⋆⋆ ₊ ﾟ ☽ * ₊ ⋆⋆ ₊ ﾟ ☽ * ₊ ⋆

Links:

♡ Muses (Wiki)

♡ Through the Voyeur Lens

♡ Why artists are never happy? (video)

♡ The incurable egoist

♡ The Anatomy of a Muse (Video)

♡ Becoming Real

♡ The Criminally Underrated Costume Design of Jennifer's Body (Video)

[nickeverdeen]

Heyy, can I ask for match up and sorting at the same request? I think it would be super annoying for you to read me talk about myself twice, so🙈 so, firat about the hcs sortings. The ones I'm gonna choose is Avatar The Last Airbender = sorting what bender you’d be and The Last of Us 1 + 2 = sorting which (human) group you’d be part of.

For the match ups: The last of us (Part 1 and 2) and MCU. I don't really care if it's female or male, I don't have preference.

So, for my description:

I'm a teenager and my pronouns are she/her. I'm a hufflepuff and my zodiac sign is aquarius. I love art in any way possible, but drawing is basically my roman empire. I'm always with a sketchbook and sometimes I look at random places and people and I try to imagine how would I draw them. I usually draw and paint listening to classical music and orchestras (I even used to play Erick Satie pieces on a kalimba!!!), but I also love Rock and Metalcore. I'm that type of person who has a headphone on her head 24/7. I'm very introvert and usually have difficulty communicating with other people, simply because I'm bad at continue conversations. My mom says it's because I spend so much time at the little world in my head that I forget how to get out of it, and as much as she doesn't mean in a harm way, I know this can bother people around me (I mean, somebody called me autistic in a perjorative way once. I'm don't even have autism, it's just my personality). Even tho I'm introvert, I can be very chatty around people I like and trust. I also don't like fighting, I hate fighting, and because of traumatic experiences involving bullying and problems at home, I start feeling anxious when I hear arguments. So I'm usually a very chill person and try to keep things smooth till I can, but I can also get exaggeratedly agressive when people step on thin ice with me, and that caused me problems before. I also love animals (at this point, I don't even have to explain that I prefer them to people, right?), I would totally be a vet if I wasn't so afraid of seeing injuries, and I could also study astronomy if I didn't hated physics/math. I'm not very patient, but I also change my mind easily, so I'm the type of person who tries something new and says "I won't ever do this again" and it goes wrong, but is trying again next day. I looove eating, and even tho I have some pet peeves with food, food bribery can work a lot with me lol. My favorite types of films are drama and science fiction (cry for a good story and think hard are my two favorite things). I'm a very perceptive person and I am very vulnerable to see through people, I know there's something wrong in the air usually before everyone else, and can see how people may be feeling even if they don't tell me right away, that's what makes me a good friend to the few people I'm friends with, because my intuition is good. I'm also very criative, and even though my imagination can get a little morbid and sad, it also gives me good ideas and experiences. On the other hand, one of my flaws is not doing things I'm supposed to do like fufill tasks, and I get over disappointed when things don't go exactly the way I plan. I'm also not that good at talking about my feelings, but I like hearing others. I don't like hot weathers and my favorite season is fall. My favorite holiday is christmas, and I usually spend the whole year deciding what to wear for halloween. I don't really get happy about my birthday, but I like the cheap excuse to eat cake.

Your ATLA bending is…

Waterbending

Waterbenders often have a calm, reflective nature that aligns with your introverted and artistic personality

Your love for art, particularly drawing and painting, reflects the fluid and expressive qualities of water

Your ability to perceive others’ emotions and your strong intuition are traits often associated with waterbenders, who are known for their empathetic and perceptive natures

Waterbenders can adapt and flow like water, much like how you easily change your mind and try new things

Your creativity and ability to imagine different perspectives also reflect the versatility of water

Waterbenders often prefer harmony and peace over conflict, similar to your aversion to fighting and arguments

Your efforts to keep things smooth and your anxiety around conflict align with the waterbender’s desire for balance

Your love for animals and preference for them over people is reminiscent of the water tribe’s close connection to nature and its creatures

Your preference for cooler weather and fall also aligns with the water element, often associated with cooler climates

—————

In The Last of Us you’d be part of…

Jackson Community

The Jackson community values safety, cooperation, and a sense of family, which aligns with your desire for a peaceful and stable environment

Your perceptiveness and ability to understand people’s emotions would make you a valuable member of this close-knit community

In Jackson, you would have the opportunity to contribute through your artistic skills, bringing beauty and creativity to the community

Whether it’s through painting murals, teaching art, or simply creating, your talents would be highly valued

Jackson provides a relatively safe and conflict-free environment compared to other groups

This setting would suit your aversion to fighting and arguments, allowing you to live more comfortably and without constant anxiety

Jackson is a place where your love for animals can thrive

There are opportunities to care for livestock and pets, fitting your preference for being around animals rather than people

The supportive and cooperative nature of Jackson would help you feel secure and understood

Your friends in the community would appreciate your perceptiveness and emotional intelligence, and you’d find a place where you could be chatty and open with those you trust

—————

Your The Last of Us 1 match is…

Ellie Williams

Ellie shares your love for drawing and would be fascinated by your art

You’d spend hours sketching together, sharing tips and admiring each other’s work

Ellie’s interest in music aligns with your love for classical music and rock

You’d bond over listening to and playing music, maybe even teaching her a few pieces on the kalimba

Ellie understands your introverted nature and wouldn’t pressure you to be social

She’d enjoy the quiet moments with you, appreciating the peace and creativity you bring

Ellie would be sensitive to your aversion to conflict, making an effort to create a calm and safe environment for you

She’d step in to defuse situations if they arose

Ellie’s love for animals would resonate with you, and you’d often talk about your favorite animals or even take care of pets together

(Let’s ignore the fact that she killed that precious rabbit)

Ellie would value your perceptiveness, knowing you can sense when something is off

This would make you a strong support system for each other

Ellie’s adventurous spirit would inspire you to try new things, while your creativity would bring a new dimension to her experiences

Ellie would enjoy your love for food, often bringing you treats or sharing meals to cheer you up

Food bribery would definitely work on her too

Ellie’s experiences have given her a darker outlook, which would complement your occasionally morbid imagination

You’d understand each other’s perspectives deeply

Ellie would be someone you could eventually open up to about your feelings, creating a mutual space for trust and support

—————

Your The Last of Us 2 match is…

Dina

Dina would be impressed by your artistic skills and love for drawing

She’d often sit with you while you sketch, maybe even asking you to draw something special for her

Dina loves music and would appreciate your eclectic taste

You’d share playlists, and she might even join you in playing music, appreciating your classical choices and rock favorites

Dina respects your introversion and would ensure you feel comfortable

She’d be patient with your social awkwardness, making you feel understood

Dina would be protective of you in conflict situations, stepping in to help keep things calm and support your need for a peaceful environment

Dina’s love for animals would match yours, and you’d bond over caring for any animals you come across, sharing stories about your favorite creatures

Dina would trust your intuitive nature, often seeking your advice or perspective on situations because she knows you can read the room well

Dina’s adventurous side would inspire you to step out of your comfort zone, but she’d always respect your limits and ensure you’re comfortable

Dina would love your enthusiasm for food and would enjoy trying new things with you, often bringing you snacks or cooking together

Dina’s experiences have given her a nuanced view of the world, which aligns with your occasional morbid imagination

You’d find solace in understanding each other’s darker thoughts

Dina would be a great listener, helping you navigate your emotions and encouraging you to express your feelings more openly

—————

Your MCU match is…

Peter Parker 1

Peter would admire your artistic talent, often asking to see your sketches and paintings

He’d be your biggest fan, encouraging you to keep creating

Peter loves music and would appreciate your taste in classical music and rock

You’d share playlists and enjoy listening to music together while you draw or study

Peter is empathetic and would understand your introverted nature, never pressuring you to be social and appreciating your company in quiet moments

Peter, being a peacekeeper, would respect your aversion to conflict

He’d step in to resolve any arguments, ensuring you feel safe and comfortable

He may not look like it, but Peter’s affinity for animals would resonate with you

You’d bond over your shared love for them, often talking about your favorite animals and maybe even caring for a pet together

Peter would value your perceptiveness, often seeking your insights on situations and trusting your intuitive understanding of people

Peter’s adventurous side would kidna want you to step out of your comfort zone, but he’s very careful with you

Peter would love your love for food and would enjoy trying new dishes with you, often bringing you snacks or taking you out to eat

He’d joke if you love him more than food or not

Peter’s experiences as Spider-Man have given him a complex outlook, which would align with your occasionally morbid imagination

He doesn’t like it, but he also has one

Peter is an awesome listener, always there for you and he lets you to even spar with him to let some anger out while he’d hold back, but not too much so you’d notice

He cares both about your mental and physical health

He’d appreciate your support in return, knowing he can rely on you

[thesupreme316]

darius martin x female reader?? darius lies to his parents telling them he has a gf and so they invite her over for thanksgiving and the reader offers to help out darius and they do so and become an actual couple in the process.

#Grateful - Part 1 (Darius Martin x Fem!Reader):

Genre: Fluff, Acquaintances to Lovers, Fake Dating, Slow Burnish

Word Count: 1K

Supreme Speaks: Hey yall, thank you to @hooks-martin for this request. this is also a special request cause this is part of your GRADUATION PRESENT (congrats again I'm so proud). Imma do this in multiple parts (probably four/five parts) and I did kind of change up the request cause I saw it really working as acquaintances to lovers (my bad). i hope everyone enjoys this and if you have any suggestions or requests, send em in plz. P.S you are loved and appreciated

Warnings: Mentions of Alcohol, Deciving family to save from embarrassment, proofread I think

Taglist: @hooks-martin @wwenhlimagines @hookerforhook @triscillal @sheinthatfandom

Sunday, November 21, 2022

“We can’t wait to meet her.” Darius read from his phone, groaning as his brother cackled at his face. “Bro, I should have kept my mouth shut.”

“I told you so!” Dante said with a smile. “Why didn’t you?”

“Cause they would have set me up with that one girl that they always liked for me.”

With Thanksgiving right around the corner, Darius and Dante was excited to see their family and eat delicious food. But the one thing that Darius wasn’t particularly ready for was the conversations; especially about his love life. Including all-star questions such as: “Who’s the lucky girl?, Why are you still single?, If you want we can connect you with Alexis from across the street”…..that one bothered him the most. So, to avoid those questions, Darius decided to exaggerate the truth (lie) and tell his family, particularly his mother and aunts, that he has a girlfriend to avoid any and all questions.

However, they all want to meet her (hence the text from his mom).

But the thing is....he doesn’t actually have a girlfriend.

And now he is sitting in the car with his brother and their best friends: Tyler (Hook), Anthony, and Andretti (Did y’all know that Andretti’s first name is apparently Tyler too?), contemplating whether he should go to Thanksgiving dinner as a fraud and liar or skip town and avoid all phone calls.

“Are you talking about Alexis?” Dante asked as his brother nodded his head. “She’s nice and all, but definitely not your type. I honestly can’t even see you with her”

“So now you need to find someone to play the role of your girlfriend?” Anthony asked, briefly taking his eyes off the road. “How are you going to do that when Thanksgiving is this Thursday?”

“I didn’t know she would have to make an appearance. I thought they were gonna take my word for it.” Darius pouted. He should of thought about that before running his mouth. But then again, Darius was never a good liar; so the fact that he was able to convince his family that he has a significant other was shocking.

Andretti turned around to join the conversation. “Maybe you go on Tinder or Hinge and just tell women your situation. Someone would eventually help you, especially if you pay them.”

Tyler shook his head, “Nah, that’s too messy and chicks are crazy on there (no offense to y’all).”

“Besides I would need them to be ready by tomorrow. The fam likes for us to be early to do more activities which means going home on Tuesday and stay until Friday.” Darius said sighing, who needs a plan now. “Maybe I should just ask Alexis to pretend for me.”

“Not a good idea. Again, she’s not your type. You’ll regret it.” Dante said in a sing-song voice making Darius roll his eyes. There was nothing wrong with Alexis, she just didn’t mash well with Darius’ personality. However, their families believe that they would be perfect for each other, despite the awkward tension between the two.

“But do you know who is your type?” Andretti asked, making the entire car go silent. “Y/N Y/L/N.” Dante, Tyler, and Anthony made various sounds and statements in agreement as Andretti smirked.

Darius slightly blushed. “AEW’s makeup artist?”

“Yeah! She’s pretty, funny as hell, and you two get along great.”

Anthony chimed in, “She’s also very stylish so you don’t have worry about her outfits.”

“That’s all true but they barely talk, even though he makes lovey dovey eyes at her.” Tyler snickered, making Darius blush harder. “So if anything, it’ll be hard for him to ask her to do this favor.”

“I do not make those kind of eyes to her!” Darius defended himself. “I just admire her work and think she is a nice person.” He was telling the truth. You and Darius weren’t the closest of friends, if anything you two were acquaints who worked together. You were closer with Anthony and Hook than you were to him. But he really did think that you were a very beautiful and nice individual, and maybe he did develop “admiration” for you.

“Yeah right. Anyways, don’t you have her number?” Andretti asked motioning to Darius’ phone, who nodded back in response. “Then call and ask her. The worst she could say is no.”

As he was thinking, Darius’ best friends were encouraging him to pick up the phone. Anthony even pulled over so he could force Darius to tap on your contact, refusing to move. His palms started to sweat as his brother took the phone and put it on speaker. It rang three times before your voice came through. “Hello?”

“H-hey Y/N!” Darius stuttered making everyone in the car face palm, including himself.

You were hanging out with Skye Blue and Willow Nightingale as you brought your phone to your ear. “Hey Darius! What do I owe for this phone call?”

“Um, I have a big favor to ask and I don’t know who else to call.”

“Go ahead.”

“Well, first, do you have plans for Thanksgiving?”

"No…" You drifted off

Darius explained the situation to you at least twice; due to his flustered state and you not really comprehending why he would call you about it. Again, you two weren’t close, but you have to be crazy if you thought that Darius wasn’t handsome and sweet as hell. After a moment of silence, you asked, “What’s in it for me?”

“Free thanksgiving dinner, all expenses paid trip to Minnesota. And free alcohol.” He said, making you grow quiet again. “Did I mention that the alcohol was free?”

You giggled, “Yes, you did. But I want something else in addition.”

“Name it, I’ll do anything.”

“I want that customized Top Flight hoodie you had on last week.”

“The one with the bleached designed?” He asked as you confirmed it. “Yes, I’ll get you one! Just please help me!” He quickly said. You went back to being quiet before giving your answer.

After hanging up, you let go of a breath that you didn’t even that you were holding on to. You slid down your chair making Skye look at you. “What happened?”







“Apparently I have a boyfriend now.” You quietly said, making Willow and Skye spit out their drinks.

[nanapengincerita]

What They Did Not Tell Me About Being A Mom #1

No one ever told me that being a mom would be this exhausting, especially mentally for me. I began my motherhood journey with this strange feeling I can't even perfectly describe up till now. I was happy to see my newborn son, but I have to admit that I was a little jealous of him during my postpartum.

I am not the type of person who cries in public, but during my postpartum, I cried almost all the time, I could not control my tears, it just fell unexpectedly out of nowhere. If I think back about it now, maybe at that time I was sad and frustrated, because everyone was so excited to see my newborn son, but I felt like I did not get the same attention as him, I felt left out completely alone, I felt bad for being jealous with my own son.

All the negative feelings inside me affected my breastmilk production, leading me to had to give up my idealism to directly breastfeed my newborn son, which made me even more frustrated cause I felt like I failed being a good mom. I felt so helpless, but had no idea how to ask for help at that time. So I just cried my eyes out.

I wish no one would ever experience the same thing as me. I hope the postpartum goes smooth and you enjoy the beginning of your motherhood journey.

The good thing is, there are always people who would happily lend a hand without you have to ask them first. I'm so thankful for them, if you read this now, you know who you are (even we are not as close as we used to be), I was so thankful for every help you offered when I needed it most.

[inhibitionfreewriting]

christmas traditions with the yard boys?

idk if you wanted separate or not but i just. the idea of traditions with the group?? 😭 sorry but i love the idea of everyone being in the holiday spirit together 🥺

🎄because like the yard as a whole just. look, new set, new traditions. you beg them - BEG to decorate the set for the month of december. it doesn't even have to be to a specific holiday (even if you have something for every religious holiday that falls during the month of december on the fence in the background of the set), you just want to put lights up! decorating is your favorite part of the holidays. when each day is done you box them up separately for next year so you can keep to theme for the episodes.

🎄holiday themed photos for the patreon! wrapped up in lights together, strangling people with lights, anthony absolutely having a bow on the top of his head in one of the photos. mistletoe? please, aiden has a hat on with it taped to it. nick literally wrapped in wrapping paper or a ribbon mummy? i don't have anything specific for ludwig because i feel like he is just in every photo causing chaos and havoc. it's all very very goofy but like all on (off)brand on them.

🎄top christmas traditions for them each in my brain is baking with ludwig, wrapping gifts with nick, decorating the tree with aiden and frying turkey or ham outside with anthony.

🎄 ludwig talking about something that his mom always made during the holidays and you looking up recipes so you can surprise him. you have the kitchen cleaned out and you have ingredients on the counter and you know he's got the day off so he wakes up and you just drag him into the kitchen. it doesn't even matter if it turns out well or not, it's the time spent and the attempt that matters (ludwig still tries it and absolutely has everyone else try whatever it is, even if it's bad. he laughs at everyone who tries to be polite after biting it)

🎄you and nick make careful folds along wrapping paper and checking off the gifts you've finished. i really love the idea of it being like a date night? hot cocoa or eggnog and maybe some of your favorite take out? yes, sign me up. throw on a movie or some music and i honestly think its just playful shit talk the whole time.

🎄decorate. the. tree. with. aiden. he's so tall and lanky, he's perfect for hanging things up high and putting the topper on the tree! i think he's also a stickler for good ornament placement so you both have plenty of moments where you step back and go "mmm, i feel like it's too close to this other thing?" god forbid the garland doesn't go with the tree. but as much criticism there is, it's all said with playful love to it.

🎄honestly i dont know if anthony is the type of person to go out and deep fry a turkey or ham, but my brain is whirring at 1000 degrees at the idea of him standing near the fryer in a scarf and jacket just my heart 🥺🥺🥺 just the idea of making dinner with him just. my heart, he melts.

[doberbutts]

Hi Mr doberbutts, I'm sorry to ask because I'm sure you get this kind of question a lot, but tumblr search is awful and I'm a little desperate for some advice. Your dogs seem so happy with you and you've worked with difficult dogs before so I figure you'd be able to give advice that isn't bs. Do you have an opinion on dog training camps? Meaning programs where a dog trainer takes a client's dog into their home/workspace and works with them all day for like a week or two.

My parents adopted a puppy and she has some pretty bad emotional regulation issues, namely she has pica and reacts extremely badly to any attempts to get her to stop eating literal rocks and dirt, even muzzling her makes her lose her shit. I've personally tried very gently teaching "leave it" and "drop it" and rewarding heavily, and also slowly introducing the muzzle with lots of treats, but even with that she eventually gets frustrated she's being prevented from shoveling dirt down her throat. They've decided they need intense training both for them and the dog. My mom is really inclined towards those aforementioned camps (and then have several training sessions in their home with everyone present) but I'm skeptical because all of them seem to use E-collars and my instinct says those might make her reactivity worse. But very few trainers live near us and even fewer will do in-home appointments- except for those training camps. Everyone's a little at their wits' end because she keeps making herself sick and we can't figure out a way to stop her that doesn't result in disaster.

Also dw we are aware pica can be caused by physiological problems, we're actively pursuing any possible diagnoses with our vet. Sorry for the long ask, and you don't have to answer if you don't want to!

I love how I am now Mr Doberbutts. Y'all can just call me Jaz or Jazi, it's fine lmao

I think it is usually not a great idea with a young puppy, and especially not the type of camp you're talking about as they are largely punishment-heavy. I think a better option would be a trainer who could work with you in person on these behaviors, or a veterinary behaviorist. She may need anti-anxiety medications if she's really that bad, there's no shame in using these especially for dogs who struggle so much.

[sl33py-g4m3r]

gotta stop metaphorically sticking myself in a box~~

making coffee at obscure hour of the morning and reblogging the video about Stephen got me thinking~~

if there were other disabled demon summoners would they find demons that would help make their disability less bad somehow?

would some demons be more likely to help disabled humans than others?

of course everyone has unique personalities tho so who knows...

finds disabled human, hangs around them and helps them out of pity or something

the answer to "what demons would a disabled person use" is probably just any of them that they want.

but trying to think of that; or say, what pokemon I'd use just because I'd still be legally blind in universe seems fun to think about. to form a team that works around my disability and aids me somehow either in battle or not.

but ye the answer is probably just "anything I want to summon and use"

I just like to think of how to potentially get around it with either the demons I summon or pokemon I use, and how other disabled people might or might not do the same....

I really like to think, lol is it any wonder I'm stuck in my own head and can never make a serious decision?

so far no team ideas for either so maybe I should just drop it entirely...

my only thought would be medusa cause looking at her petrifies the viewer, and I'm legally blind so maybe that wouldn't work? idk... would she petrify her summoner? course realistically summoned demons might attack their summoner...

other than the myths I am unfortunately not as familiar with SMT's demons as I am pokemon, and even with pokemon I can't come to a conclusion, lol.

but there's the fun part; your opponent might think "oh they're blind? they're gonna be such a pushover and miss attacks bc bad accuracy" or something. summon demons and proceed to sweep them bc they underestimated you.

"aw small cute blind girl can't do sh~~~" *gets destroyed*

unrelated thought but I asked my mom what kind of weapon I'd personally would maybe use cause I thought spear cause I could use it as a kind of rudimentary visually impaired cane thing; and she gave me a link to a kind of fictional chakram type weapon.

a dual hand wielding type blade that Klingon warriors use~~~ close range combat~~~ course my vision is bad so maybe I would in fact have to fight close range lest i miss attacks~~~ and idk what's close in SMT..... cause that's a star trek sci-fi weapon~~

good thing I'm small too and hopefully fast so my evasion is high. small and hard to hit~~ I'd like to think of myself anyway~~

looks like quite the vicious weapon... and I'm a pacifist~~~~

wish I'd use my brain more for creativity such as this and not anxious stuff~~~ that seems like a waste of brainpower but anxiety gonna anxiety....

[leewonkyeom]

Naurrr i literally shed my blood sweat and tears trying to come up with a username 😭 like all the usernames I typed in were taken somehow (even the most down bad ones like Jaehyunleftbuttcheek)

YOU'RE SO RIGHT Chan is being a real threat nowadays 😭😭 he is a good brother figure but like...he been looking a bit TOO fine recently... especially that one back it up performance pic of his (you definitely know what I'm talking about I'll still put that pic in tho)

This was my last straw.

Pls not shua bias wrecking both of us like damn dude don't do this to me T^T vernon and hoshi are fighting for their spots in my svt bias unit 😭 (or they just have to make more space)

I love how we both had vernon in mind when Spiderman au was mentioned lol he fits in a bit too perfectly <33

with the Jeonghan one I was saying that if anyone decided to make a Spiderman au with him he would be Mary Jane or Gwen Stacy and the reader would be in the place of Peter Parker! (It's biblically accurate cause I'm the one down bad and desperate for hannie) If Vernon is Spidey then ofc reader would be his mj/Gwen

Ooh a Avengers au sounds interesting!! It could either be a serious fic or a crack smau I kinda had a similar idea for a while now but instead of Avengers it's teen titans! i would eat the Avengers au up if you ever decided to write it anyways which Avengers would be who? I'm assuming cheol would be iron man and Woozi would be Cap??

Oh Scandinavia! I have heard those things don't phase ya'll much but i didn't know ya'll were chill like that! The culture I'm from is more sort of reserved?? Things like that are very taboo so in a million years i would NEVER watch any media with adult scenes with my family T^T

I was able to sit through sex education (on my own ofc) it's actually a pretty good series but i haven't watched the recent episodes yet

Ida is still a very cute nickname I love it!! I was gonna go by my government name too but it's kinda weird to pronounce and just doesn't suit as much as Jolene does 😭

WAIT YOU'RE A JOJO FAN?? omgomg what are your favourite parts and characters⁉️

lmao i love that😭😭 i love those jaehyunsleftbuttcheek names on some level, but the name you have now is sm cuter!! i think it turned out well

NO CAUSE ALL I'M ABLE TO SEE IS THAT DINO PIC I AM NOT WELL😭😭 dino literally shows up in all my pulls😭 like i have two carat versions of this guy😭 AND HE ALWAYS LOOKS SO FINE

i agree. personally my bias line is ot13😌😌 always room for everyone

vernon is absolutely perfect😭 so perfect that i didn't even really think about reader being a spider creature instead of him😭😭 but that actually sounds like a good idea... i'll think about it. also seems easier to execute than a whole avengers type thing😭

i agree that cheol would be iron man, but cao is 100% shua😭 like he's captain AMERICA. i imagine woozi more like hulk😭 ig wonwoo or mingyu would fit too, but they don't get angry often enough tbh. so mingyu's more of a thor maybe?

like i watched the entire game of thrones series with my mom😭 like it's awkward still, but definitely nothing more than that. like i am shocked the way some people on the internet treat sex, bc in my culture it's seen as such a normal thing🥴 i'm also not caught up on sec education lmao

thank you!! no, but that'd definitely fair. besides i love the name jolene so i get it 100%

i feel like almost everyone who likes kpop also likes anime? but yes!! my fave part is part 4 (i've only watched until part 5 though whoops, but i know who jolyne is dw) and fave character is josuke. what about you?

[door430]

In short, mis/uninformed counselors are the WORST to talk to

Gonna vent here, so probably Don't read if you're in a bad headspace, and also don't read if you hate reading, because this is a long, long, long post. Specific CW: discussion of fusion and dormancy in plurality/DID

Okay, SO. Recently, I've begun seeing a new therapist (he's great btw, he's not the one I'm venting about). Thing is, he wanted me to have an updated psych eval done at the place he is working at. Which, okay, I guess it's good to stay on top of potentially relevant issues, so I agreed to do it.

A week later, I walk into the eval, and I say to myself, "Oh, no, it's this bitch."

Bit of backstory: I've been evaluated at this place before. Now, I say "evaluated", but really, they just put me in a room with this counselor, gave me two hours to talk about my difficulties and traumas, and sent me on my way. Now, I'm no therapist, but I've had a previous evaluation elsewhere and I've heard enough about them that I... don't think that's how they're supposed to be done usually. But hey, I could be wrong.

They diagnosed me with some things that I expected... and then I read the diagnosis of schizotypal personality disorder. A disorder caused by "magical thinking" that may cause difficulty in interacting with people and the world. And I go, "What the fuck," because if I have magical thinking, it's certainly news to me, my mom, my dad, and EVERYONE I HAVE EVER SPOKEN TO SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME. And she goes "Yeah, I didn't really know what to diagnose you with, so me and my colleague just kinda threw you under this one" (which also effectively cancels out my autism diagnosis, one I am pretty sure is accurate. thank you, (counselor).)

End of backstory!

Now, I obviously knew this would go badly, just based on past experience. But I wasn't prepared for how badly.

For years now, I have theorized that I am plural in some way. There seems to be distinct and separate states of consciousness that exist within my brain. Each of us have our own names, opinions, internal appearance, internal and external voices, and sometimes memories. I have no idea if my plurality is disordered, or what disorder it would fit under, but I'm 99% sure we are plural.

The eval goes okay at first, just the usual questions about self-confidence and anxiety. And then she brings up the "others" that I had told her about in the last eval.

I go, "oh, yeah, that's developed a lot since last time. We've discovered (number) distinct identities"

and she goes "hmm... do you think you have Dissociative Identity Disorder?"

My heart drops. if you've ever had a doctor or therapist ask you something like this before, you probably know the feeling. I'd just been handed a metaphorical gun, and the only targets are my left foot and my right.

Of course, to hopefully soften the blow, I say, "I think it's a possibility".

She explains how DID is formed, which yeah, I knew that, but I'd rather not risk her taking that as a personal insult. And she says that the goal for treatment is to merge the parts into one.

Everything internally descends into chaos. Many of us are very scared of the prospect of fusing, especially the younger ones. Personally, I could care less whether I ever fuse with another headmate or not, but I'm not keen on forcing the solution upon anyone unwilling.

I bring up the idea of functional multiplicity to her, and she goes "but why can't you just be one person?"

Palm, meet face.

She continues insisting upon the idea that any type of multiplicity is a disorder that must be "fixed", and I continue to raise the question, how is plurality inherently bad? Of course, she does not listen or answer my question, because all hail the mighty therapist who knows all.

(She also ended up influencing my mom into believing plurality is inherently bad, and now my mom thinks I can't live in the real world unless I fuse. Thank you, (counselor) and mother.)

Multiple headmates, including me, had a breakdown after the appointment (which was only an hour long, which, again, I'm not a therapist, but I don't think that's enough time to do a psych eval) to the point where one considered putting himself in PERMANENT DORMANCY so he wouldn't have to deal with this and we wouldn't have to deal with him (dw, he's still here and doing much better)

Anyway, how was your Halloween? /lh