#back to back faves then these bitches show up on god

[kenchann]

new tweel cards in august iam so cooked

[ambreiiigns]

hey i'm not too familiar with these bands but i got into ghost because of you and your last post got me curious about rammstein? what do you mean with porn music video? lol??

HEHEHEH FIRST OF ALL 🤭🤭🤭 GOOD JOB ME FOR BAGGING ANOTHER ONE AND GOOD JOB YOU FOR HAVING TASTE AND I'M A LITTLE BIT SORRY ALSO

secondly i mean rammstein mein teil music video one guy was getting his Dick sucked irl on that set bc the director didn't want it to be Fake he wanted it to be REAL (girl this is not a movie you are directing a german industrial metal music video. it is not worth it) and i also mean most famously the music video for their song appropriately named Pussy can only be found like on the pornhub and the likes bc it's just the band members' heads edited on top of actors who were performing like a bunch of cliches from porn videos or whatever so it's just. porn. can't be on youtube !! + clips of the band performing the song dressed up in the coolest outfits they've ever wore at the same time bc usually at least ONE bitch will look like absolute shit. this was the ONE time everyone looked COOL. and it happened for the PUSSY MUSIC VIDEO. but then i also mean the? or one of the? music video(s?) for the song Till The End (not technically rammstein it's one of the singer's side projects or smth) which is just him having sex w The Girls but it's also like kinda depressing in some ways idk. anyway rammstein weird as fuck but also at the same time they can make music videos like deutschland which is an iconic beautiful stunning masterpiece so if i got you into ghost trust me take the leap and get into rammstein too. it gets better

[taasgirl]

blame - driver!reader x grid

summary: driver!reader goes to war protecting her teammate and best friend, max verstappen.

a/n: this is NOT a romance smau!!

liked by user76, user98, and 6, 872, 014 others f1 Following a breach of conditions set by the FIA, Max Verstappen will serve a mandatory community service period.

tagged: maxverstappen1

ynusername just say ya'll can't handle him and move on!!!

user27 be careful y/n, they'll send you too user46 HAHA SHE'S SO REAL

user51 this is so stupid

user90 who decided this???

user75 Okay I understand him getting community service for the Ocon incident, but for swearing?

user21 they're treating max like he's a child

liked by oscarpiastri, redbullracing, and 2, 379, 918 others ynusername unbothered, moisturised, and definitely plotting to overthrow the fia!

tagged: maxverstappen1

user59 My dreams 5 minutes before my alarm:

user61 y/n and max are never beating the platonic soulmates allegations

user87 Get yourself a teammate that fights the FIA on your behalf @/estebanocon

maxverstappen1 I was going to say something nice then I saw the last photo.

ynusername pls still compliment me x

oscarpiastri I agree with the caption

landonorris ur too ashy to be moisturised

view ynusername's story...

caption only the FIA could ruin a beautiful flight @/alex_albon

liked by carlossainz55, alex_albon, and 1, 256, 280 others ynusername me and bro suiting up to destroy the FIA

tagged: carlossainz55, landonorris

lewishamilton This is why you're my favourite on the grid

ynusername this is why you're the 🐐

oscarpiastri Hey I hope you were joking when you said you'd be turning into a grid terror haha (please be joking)

ynusername don't worry ur safe xx

landonorris WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS Y/N???

landonorris If me and my gang pull up ahh post

ynusername yup you're now my number one target for unironically using 'ahh'

maxverstappen1 I hope I am bro

ynusername there's no one i'd rather serve community service with

liked by fernandoalo_oficial, lewishamilton, and 3, 287, 3389 others ynusername don't worry I won't actually replicate crashgate. however, please know that I have free reign over my radio xx

landonorris Thank god u had me scared for a minute

user49 y/n is taking this too far 😭

ynusername oh i can go further if needed

lewishamilton HAHA this is gold y/n

ynusername when I have the praise of sir lewis hamilton then I know that I'm doing something right

user20 OMG Y/N GOING INSANE ON RADIO IS A NEEEED

user91 y/n is the only reason i'm tuning in this weekend

view ynusername's story...

caption: I have some business to attend to this sunday afternoon

liked by user62, user87, and 209, 557 others f1updates Not shy on the radio so far! Y/N on the formation lap, and she'd already quizzing her engineer.

user83 she's so unserious i love her

user90 This is my sign to strictly watch her onboard today

user41 y/n really is going to put on a show huh

liked by user 34, user75, and 1, 722, 981 others f1updates A few of the unhinged thing's Y/N was saying during today's race. Safe to say that she may be sporting a ban for the next race.

user38 her engineer replying with 'affirm' is so fucking funny to me

user92 And ya'll still wonder why she's my fave driver

user47 THE WAY THIS ISN'T EVEN EVERYTHING SHE SAID

user28 what else did she say??

user47 @/user28 she went on a whole tangent about how stroll is a prick that shouldn't be in f1 😭😭

liked by charlesleclerc, landonorris, and 3, 615, 248 others ynusername FIA knew I'd be too powerful for another race (hey at least bestie doesn't have to do community service).

maxverstappen1 You're insane I love you

ynusername dinner is still on you right?

landonorris NOOOOOO RIP Y/N

ynusername bitch i'm still alive

oscarpiastri Welcome back Kevin Magnussen liked by ynusername

redbullracing She might be crazy, but she's our kind of crazy!

ynusername pls keep me employed ya'll

view landonorris's story...

caption Yes, she still has the helmet on

view maxverstappen1's story...

caption Okay time for us to get to work

eeee i hope you guys liked this, please let me know if you did!

[malereadermaniac]

Subtle top/Busy bottom ~ Aiden/Lloyd (seperate) x Male Reader

requested by @acannibalcrow - sorry it's taken so long for how short it is! Headcannons of dating Aiden + Lloyd (separately) - Reader is taller and not femme, so people automatically assume you're the top, but it's the other way around~ Nsfw / MDNI ~ amab m!reader / FDNI Word Count: 1.5k

Aiden Flynn

For most people, it's a bit of a coin toss when guessing who fucks who in your relationship with Aiden

But most people would guess that due to your stature, you were dicking down your boyfriend; with you being just a little taller than the muscular man, and having a smug attitude and all

However, Scoutmasters and nosy campers alike couldn't be more wrong about your dynamic with the tanned hunk, because damn, with no doubt do your insides get rearranged every night by Aiden!

And the tatted up chef is really into your dynamic; the fact that you're his height makes him see you as on his level, as someone he needs to show off to in order to have control over

You're not exactly a little submissive bitch-boy, so when you mouth off to Aiden or jokingly threaten to fight your handsome boyfriend, something within him just gets set alight

He's so into the idea of brat-taming you! Aiden just wants you to mouth off and emphasise how 'manly' you are, just so that he can knock you down a peg or two

And god damn does this man ruin you on the daily...

Now, sex with Aiden can go in many different direction; like already mentioned, if you mouth off a little Aiden is sooo ready to have his way with you

Doggy style is one of his biggest faves in this situation; with one hand pulling your hips back onto his huge dick and his other hand gripping your plump asscheeks, slapping them from time to time

And when your tanned boyfriend gets close, he likes to really get back at you for whatever you just did by going sicko mode - his sweaty, muscular chest against your back as one of his beefy arms wraps around your waist and another gently around your neck as Aiden roughly pumps his dick in and out of you

If you two are just having plain, vanilla sex, Aiden most definitely still tops you (no doubt about that), but more romantic positions and pacing is what you both prefer - sure you two love to get real freaky, but you sometimes just wanna feel the love y'know

Missionary is pretty standard for you two, just making out to the pace of Aiden's slow thrusts inside of you, moaning into each other's mouths or shoulders as you and Aiden just feel immense pleasure from one another

Exhibitionism is of course one of Aiden's biggest things that get him off - not only is he real proud of his muscular, tanned, fucking hot bod, but damn does a sick and twisted little part of him really like the idea of getting caught with his dick stuffed inside of you just to prove that he's very much the top in the relationship

You two have never actually been caught (yet), however there have been plenty of close calls!

From Hiro almost walking in on Aiden eating your ass out while cooking in the mess hall, to Yoshinori having a FULL FUCKING CONVERSATION with Aiden while your under his desk, sucking his massive, veiny cock

And another thing that really gets your sweet boyfriend off is basking in the aftermath of your lovemaking

Basically, Aiden really fucking loves to see his thick cum leak out of your ruined asshole and onto the soiled sheets below you - the scoutmaster's dick getting hard again just from seeing your disheveled state from his doing, Aiden's cum splattered on your thighs and cheeks, and your cum-covered chest rising and lowering from your desperate panting

At the end of the day, whilst your dynamic outside of the bedroom is very even (with the both of you being 'the man' in the relationship), Aiden fucks the shit out of you like no other - and boy do you two like it that way

Lloyd Sirius

Your relationship with Lloyd is the complete opposite in public than in the bedroom - that's for sure

Everyone IMMEDIATELY assumes that Lloyd is the receiver in your relationship; based on the way you two act around each other

Lloyd is your stereotypical, heteronormative bottom; He blushes at your compliments and stutters at your teasing, the man is much shorter than you and is just overall such a submissive guy!

And you don't help the case at all... Yes, Lloyd is generally shorter than average, but next to you?? C'mon, anyone would think he takes it up the ass!

You're not only taller than your boyfriend, but you constantly tease him, you dress in a way which just oozes big-dick-energy and you act so nonchalant and smug - anyone would be attracted to you, and everyone would assume that you dick Lloyd down on the regular!

But god DAMN is it the opposite way around!

In the bedroom, your dynamics completely swap, and Lloyd becomes the most dominant and sexy top ever known

This man fucks the shit out of you!

As soon as the two of you are desperate for eachother's touch, shit hits the fan; you become such a slutty sub for Lloyd, on your knees instantly as the shorter man strips for you

Lloyd's muscles really help his case in these situations, looking like a fucking Greek god with his toned body, his pubes and pits naturally musky and sweaty - just ready to be worshiped

Your sexy boyfriend doesn't have many preferences in terms of position, but if he has to choose, Lloyd does quite like to lay back, hold his body halfway up with his arm and keep his other hand on your hip as you ride him

The man likes that he gets a full view of you pleasuring yourself on his (fucking thick n veiny) cock, and he does enjoy having you put in some of the effort

That doesn't mean that Lloyd doesn't also like to let you be a pillow prince most of the time - manhandling you and pistoning into you like an animal in heat

And gah-damn, Lloyd is so damn hot when he fucks you; his muscles flexing naturally as he pounds his thick dick into you, his tip pushing so nicely against your prostate - your sounds mixing very nicely with his

For such a short man, Lloyd can top like a (short)king

The fact that he gives off such bottom energy also seems to really fuel Lloyd when fucking - this man will 100% bed you that night if someone makes a remark about his position in your relationship, his ego is quite fragile, he definitely feels like he has to prove himself to you and to himself

And that DEFINITELY translates into his behaviour during sex!

This man will make sure you watch him as he flexes his muscular arms as he fucks the shit out of you, his tongue hanging out with a smug, horny smirk on his face as he inflates his ego - Lloyd's bushy, sweaty pits making a small debut as he shows off his veiny, beefy arms, chuckling to himself and dirty talking as he flexes

That's another thing, Lloyd has such a scent kink! Not really for himself (although he can never get enough of your scent) but this man gets so fucking turned on when he makes you stuff your face in his armpits of shove his musky pubes into your nose as he makes you deepthroat him; just makes him feel so manly and in control of you

Your horny boyfriend fucking loves to have sex after he goes to the gym, make you lick his sweaty muscles and get even stickier after "getting some cardio in with you" (and by that he means going for at least 2 rounds)

Another little thing that Lloyd goes wild for it blowjobs from you - this man goes feral and gets 3x harder than he already was when you simply suggest giving him head

Not only does he like that he can be even more in control than usual, by running his fingers through your hair and facefucking you or having you deepthroat him, but Lloyd has such a thing for cumming in your mouth...

He just likes to watch you play with your food (his cum) ya know? It gets him all hard n ready for round 2!

God damn does he like it when you put on a lewd little show for him, blowing bubbles with his thick jizz on your lips, playing with in with your tongue or letting it run down your chin; finishing the show off with a bang by swallowing it and showing your turned on boyfriend

It makes Lloyd go fucking crazy; he usually ends up kissing you afterwards, not giving a fuck if he can still taste himself on your tongue

People would be so damn shocked to find out how much of a bottom bitch you are for Lloyd - but you wouldn't have it any other way!

[hotdamnhunnam]

Alright. What do you think Jax favorite sex position is? In the show we mostly saw missionary but I refuse to believe that he is „boring“ 😂🫢😏

Okay okay okayyy so HEAR ME OUT on this lol but I actually think missionary IS his favorite!!! 😂

Not because he’s boring or vanilla as we all know he’s the opposite, an infinitely kinky piece of shit — rather because he makes missionary his bitch and damn does he know how to savor it 😈

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

I mean, let’s imagine the scene:

Jax loves the way he gets to witness every perfect look of pleasure on your face … to suck the moans out of your mouth ‘cause fuck he gets off on how sweet your slutty desperation tastes …

… to feel your tits so closely pressed against the muscles of his chest … so close he even feels the pounding of your heart in sync with his and knowing that it beats for him alone is just the fucking best …

… to wrap his hand around your throat and make you gasp for breath, each kiss he claims off of your lips a holy prayer and the only air you need because you love this man to death …

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

So yeah I think he really digs being on top of you, and making sure that every inch of you gets crushed beneath the full weight of the body and the soul of the sex god who fucking loves you!! ❣️

He’d also love spitting repeatedly into your filthy greedy little mouth if that’s something you’d want him to do 💦🤤

With all that said I do think Jax has some close second/third/fourth fave positions too:

Up against the wall, like when he comes home from a long hard day and has no fucking patience to get to the bedroom at all

Doggy while yanking your hair back and spanking your ass because although he is a god he is also a raging primal animal

Cowgirl because he loves that view of you and because he is an asshole who gets off on topping from the bottom to prove to you that he will always be in full fucking control

Thank you for the ask ahhhh this was so much fun to answer lol 😋💖

[i-love-you-just-the-same]

how the 141 comforts you when you're sad/stressed

* marks an option to change an endearment to boy, baby, darling, doll, etc

price knows pretty quickly when something's up with his darling. prods you gently until you settle in his arms and lets you ramble about whatever's worrying your pretty head. likes it when you're draped across his lap on the couch, head on his chest and legs dangling across his. hand on your back with gentle rubs and kisses your temple in quiet reassurance. most of the time this is accompanied by a nice snack and a quick nap. will massage your skull and remind you youre his good girl*.

johnny hates it when you're sad. sniffs out the cause like a dog and breaks the problem's legs or tries to help you through it. he's always up for some cuddles and kissing to help soothe those frayed nerves. no matter the issue he'll remind you how it's fixable and you can do it. but let's be for real y'all that doesn't last long and johnny'll fuck you until the only thing left in your brain is him, not carl from finance (jealous, possessive bastard).

simon makes himself available. he doesn't do much pushing or prodding unless you're truly avoiding him, but he's in the kitchen with your matching mugs. simon's at the stove with a sweet treat. he's beside you on the couch watching your show. when you finally cave, he'll listen with a gentle hand on you. he's plotting a murder, honestly, but he's also there to help you keep your peace. he will gossip and bitch with you to talk about a coworkers obvious misunderstanding of the assignment. good chance he will pull you into him so you can have that physical comfort too, and so you can't see his phone while he's finding their address.

kyle is on his knees. please tell him how to make it better. he's determined to fix it all, but first he's making you comfortable and trying to make you happy. fave takeout is ordered, comfort show is on, and you're propped up on the couch under your favorite blanket. kyle won't listen to any nonsense about you moving, he'll carry you to piss, baby. he's snuggled up to you, practically attached to your hip until you show signs of an improved mood. all that because you spilled your coffee on the way to work, god help you when you're actually ill. kyle just loves you sm, he can't help it.

[landossnorriss]

back to life | lando x older!she

Pairing: lando x older!she. Summary: with a new job on the line and a new adventure on her own for the very first time, she can't afford to risk putting a foot step wrong. it's a shame the younger f1 driver is used to living his life at 200 miles per hour and he's not afraid to pull her along for the ride. Word Count: 2.4ishk Warning: nothing yet... AN: this was going to be a one shot but i think we're looking more around 3-4 parts? i get word vomit and i simply can't stop myself. my intention with this script will be to keep her as non-descript as possible so that people can self insert at their own indulgence, the only thing is she's older than our fave number four. all the older!reader credit inspo goes to the lovely @coff33andb00ks <3

There was a high chance she was going to be sick. Why she had thought that she was ready to be in this position she didn’t know. The Mclaren account was not one that anyone wanted to mess with and at 29 she was officially the youngest person to manage it for Ashurst. Yep, she was going to throw up. When the promotion opportunity had come up she had thrown her hat in the ring for the experience, to test herself and see if she could make it through the interviews for such a role. She had prepped the best she could and told herself any feedback she got would just serve her for when she was well and truly ready to take on an account as large as this one. 

It was a good job she had been sitting down when the call had come through to join her boss in the office and celebrate the good news they had to offer her. The job would require a team she knew that, there was no way that she would be able to do it all on her own and the next stages would be deciding on any changes she needed to make and working on the team that would represent Ashurst for Mclaren but it was her name on the door, her choices that would make all the difference. Her say would always be the final one and she was ready to crumble at any given moment at the weight of it all on her shoulders. Impostor syndrome was being a real bitch right now. 

This morning she had been so sure that she could manage it, the meetings that she had held so far over Teams and Zoom had all gone swimmingly. Zak was charming and easy to work with, her team seemed to respect her despite the fact she was younger than at least half of them but all the confidence she had managed to muster that she could do this, seemed to leave her as she headed into the Mclaren center for the first time. She had been on a visit just once before, as nothing more than a fan before but now as she felt eyes on her the shirt she had made sure was pristine this morning suddenly didn’t feel smart enough, the click of her heels was too much and she was ready for throwing up all over again. 

Today likely hadn’t been the smartest day for her to be introduced to the key players in the game given how overwhelmed she had felt about the account already, but Zak had been insistent. Everyone would be on sight today and it would give her a chance to say hi before everyone vanished for the summer break she knew the team needed. Thank god as the team’s lawyer she wouldn’t be required to travel around with them all that often and most of her work could be done from home. She would miss her bed far too much to be away as often as the rest of the team were. Zak hadn’t been lying either, when he had said that everyone was here and she had given up trying to count the sea of people from where she was tucked into the center waiting for the stars of the show to arrive. 

She had never met either driver despite her time working with the team previously and she would keep her excitement over the matter buried deep. There would be no fawning and swooning, no acting star struck. She was a professional, a damn weapon in her field and she would be respected as a perfectly good lawyer, there was nothing and no one that would take her determination to smash everything about this promotion. 

Certainly not the green eyed driver currently climbing from his car as the rest of the team cheered for them. She had seen him plenty on the TV and always thought he was handsome, even if he was younger than her, but seeing him in person? Good god she needed to get it together. Day one, it was only day one in the damn office. There was no room to be mesmerized as Lando spoke to the crowds, taunted his team mate and generally seemed to be the center of attention in the room despite the fact there were two papaya boys in the room. This was his home, that much was obvious and these were his people. It filled her chest with an odd sense of pride that these were the groups of people she would be protecting and keeping in line, even from the background. 

For his part, Lando wasn’t doing much better at keeping his attention where it needed to be. He’d seen her as soon as he had stepped out of the car, eyes on the woman that stood just behind Zak. In her business-like attire she stood out like a sore thumb in the swarms of papaya and he didn’t mind it one bit. He’d never seen such a pretty face in this damn factory and before he could stop himself he let his eyes trail over her frame, she was older, not by much he assumed but just enough and were it not for the nudge in his side from Oscar he might have continued to stare at her. Who the hell was she? The question had continued to taunt him through the rest of the afternoon as he mingled, took so many photos and smiled so much his face hurt but his eyes had always managed to stray back to her. She had stuck by Zak’s side for most of the afternoon and he felt a flare of something unusual for him, even though it was obvious Zak was introducing her to people. 

“If you don’t stop staring at her, she’s going to get a restraining order against you before you’ve even met.” Oscar warned with another jab of his elbow into Landos side, the shorter driver whipping his head back to the younger with a scowl. 

“I’m not staring…just - who is she?” He found himself asking and he was unable to hide the tone his question held. 

“New team lawyer, or account manager I heard, she works for Ashurst but is our contact.” 

Lando frowned once more at the aussie before his green eyes inevitably found themselves looking for her again, desperate to trace over every curve hidden in that pencil skirt. How did Oscar always know everything first and more importantly how did he make that skirt a part of her everyday uniform? Despite everything that had gone on in the season so far, he had still been looking forward to the summer break celebrations and being back at the MTC. It always filled him with some sense of pride but any thoughts of team celebrations were now tucked firmly at the back of his mind because he wasn’t going to be able to concentrate if he didn’t find a way to be introduced to her soon. 

“What’s her – “

“Lando, Oscar, you got a second?” Zak called as he finally made his way to his driver pairing, a nervous lawyer in tow with him. 

Oscar could only roll his eyes at the expression that had formed on Lando’s face, that boy had never been able to hide anything a day in his life. Zak, squinting at his older driver, stopped allowing her past as they came to a stop in front of the boys. “Boys, this is our new lawyer from Ashurst, she comes with glowing recommendations and she is going to be around more and more so I expect you to be nice.” He offered with a beaming smile as Oscar stepped in first, given the frozen state of Lando, hand held out to the pretty lawyer. She was Lando’s type for sure. “Hi I’m Oscar, or Osc according to this guy, nice to meet you.” Turning his gaze between her and Lando he paused for just a second, the appreciation apparently mutual, before he gave a small cough as Zak was already busy calling someone else over. “And this here is Lando…he’s not a mute I swear.” 

She couldn’t help but smile at Oscar for just a moment, a flush on her cheeks as she noted the sarcasm in his tone before her soft gaze returned to Lando. First of all, where was his mother so she could thank her for his creation, and what the hell was he wearing because he smelt incredible. Holding out her hand to the older of the two men she waited for a moment before she felt his rougher hand slip into her own. “Right - I’m Lando, welcome aboard.” God could he sound any more awkward if he tried?

Luckily for both of them, Zak slapped a hand on Landos back, reinserting himself into the moment. “All introduced? I’ve invited our new lovely lawyer to the team dinner tonight when there are a few less of us so we can all get to know each other. How does that sound?” He beamed as he looked between everyone, a little slow on the uptake. 

“Yes, yes!” Lando beamed, god he knew he loved Zak for a reason. “I think that’s a great idea you should come with us!” 

“Oh I don’t want to intrude and I don’t, I don’t actually drive, where is the dinner tonight?” She flushed furiously at the idea she worked for a company like Mclaren now and still couldn’t drive. It simply wasn’t her fault that the clutch hated her. 

Lando, oblivious to the looks Oscar and now Zak were giving him, was already beaming with ideas forming in his head. Hot older woman, he could drive, a practical date. Win, win, win. Before Zak could even offer her a car Lando was already stepping closer to her. “I can pick you up, don't worry, it will do you good to arrive with a friend, arriving on your own might be a lot.” 

“Oh no Lando, you really don’t have to.” 

“Please.” The young driver scoffed with a wave of his hand. “Is that your phone, I’ll put my number in.” 

Feeling the blush she wore deepend she nodded, handing over her phone to the driver. He was being sweet, that was all she told herself because there was no way in hell it was anything more. He was, god he was gorgeous and she had seen the women he went for, younger, tiny, famous. She didn’t fit a single piece of his usual type, likely just an inch shorter than him in the heels she wore, her hips wider than most women cared for and five years older than him. 

“There you go, text me your address and I’ll pick you up at six thirty?” He offered, full charm in swing as he looked back at her. She was pretty from afar, but upclose? Lando just wanted to count each of her freckles and bumble over his words as he tried to flatter her. 

She needed a moment to compose herself and recenter, she had been flirted with before, she was pretty she knew that, but the men had never been, well fucking Lando Norris and big red flags that she was not allowed to flirt with in return. “Thank you, Mr Norris, I’m just going to go find the bathroom I’ll text you my address for later.” Maybe, she might still pull out if she could think of a good enough reason to do so. With the most awkward wave she could muster she found herself spinning on her heels, a string of curses sounding in her head as she tried to look calm whilst she was scurrying away to any form of locked bathroom door she could find for a very real mental breakdown. This was bad, this was very, very bad. 

Watching as she left Lando was pretty sure he let out an audible sigh. God what a fucking woman. Only the cough behind him brought him back to his current surroundings and he spun to face the questioning gaze of his boss and amusement of his teammate. “You’re not fucking the new lawyer.” Zak confronted boldly, that would be a can of worms he did not want to deal with. “End of, drive her to dinner, play nice, be ready to never be allowed to be alone with her ever again.” 

Lando wanted to protest straight away, that wasn’t fair, they couldn’t dangle something so sweet in front of him like that and then tell him that he wasn’t allowed to have it! Opening his mouth to protest Lando was met with a strong shake of his head as Zak took his leave, Oscar still fighting back laughter at the whole situation. “You’re so, so screwed mate. So screwed.”

[guillotinna]

I keep seeing these Gen z is task force 141 and I wanna join

Anytime you use a computer, you do that stupid movie hacker trope of exaggerated typing and say "I'm in"

Saying "POV" in front of sentences

In the group chat saying "1 like and I'll kms", liking your own message and then saying "damn guess I gotta"

I see a lot of these posts were Gaz and Soap would understand y/n....bffr, no those geezers would not

No one knows what the gen z kid is saying they just know it's probably not good

"You're telling me a shrimp fried this rice?"

You have a small photo you keep tucked in your chest pocket and after enough times seeing you looking lovingly at it, one of the guys asks who it is. Is it a s/o from back home? 😏😏

You say no and pull out a photo card of your fave singer and they're like ??? Really

One time during a particularly physical scuffle with the enemy, you get thrown to the ground and huff out "one hop this time" only to promptly tackle tf outta your assailant while saying "take it back now yall"

Reads everyone's zodiac charts except ghost bc he won't tell his birthday let alone the time he was born so you just make one up

Price calls a 6 am meeting to which you say "double it and give to the next person"

*Alexa, play teenagers by MCR*

If you had time describe the base, you'd say it smells like ball sweat, blood and war crimes which everyone took offense to for different reasons

Would absolutely get soaps doodles tattooed

Actually speaking of which, imagine getting caught giving yourself stick and pokes with a pen and being banned from using pens period

You'd be in a meeting with a #2 pencil

Ofc a gen z member would be absolutely feral which very little regard for their own safety much to the dismay of the others

Quoting "Oh these aren't homemade, they were made in a factory....a bomb factory......they're bombs." All the time around soap even though he has no idea what you're talking about

You don't spent too much alone time with ghost bc he likes quiet and you can't be alone with your thoughts which is why you lean more towards spending time with soap or gaz

I just like puns so I'm gonna add this but gen z love borgs (a customized gallon jug of alcohol that is usually given a name) and yours is appropriately named taskforce 1-borg-1

this is mainly for my americans but i know pretty much the whole world got beef with engl*nd: before you met Soap, you thought the entire 141 was en*lish so when you finally did meet him, you said "oh thank god" with a sigh

americans 🤝 scotts

making fun of english "people"

"Pull up in the monster, automobile gangsta With a bad bitch that came fr-" "....sergeant, comms off please"

you show Ghost WAP and he has to take a walk

*price yelling at gaz and soap*: KYLE GARRICK AND JOHN MACTAVISH GET IN HERE- Y/n: oop not the government name

Another for my US baddies: if your'e ever arguing with any of the guys, the nail in the coffin would be "and it's called soccer"

"one more like and i'll-" "enough!"

you call Price "ms. girl" and he could not be more confused

someone asks "do you serve?" and u reply "yah, serve cunt"

when asked why you decided to join the military you said something like: "well i didnt think i'd live past 18 so when I did, i ended up here".....crickets from the rest of the team

"good thing we only have showers on base because i would have already taken a toaster bath by now"

ask Gaz "no bitches?🤨" one more time see what happens

price: the enemies have taken civvies hostage and blocked off all exits and entrances to the town-" y/n: "omg tea"

Also calling price "capt. Save-a-hoe"....I wanna be saaaavvveddd ;)

If you took a shot every time you said "rest in peace to all the soldiers that died in the service, I dive in her cervix", you'd be dead lmao

When asked if they like the military they'd say "it was either this or the psych ward so yah, I'll take it"

Quoting MPGIS constantly and no one even sort of knows what that is ("Crack. Is that what you smoke? You smoke crack?")

Some detainee being interrogated is spilling some nonsense, so you hit them with "oh brother this guy stinks!" And then with the butt of your gun

"Little bad trini bitch but she mixed with China, real thick vagina, smuggle bricks to-" "SARGENT ENOUGH"

Falling asleep on team mates (minus ghost's) shoulders mostly because the most peace they get is when you're unconscious

*when y/n hears any slightly suggestive/dirty phrase*: what are we talking about 😏 (iykyk)

Same energy as: " born next to a nuclear power plant, has an IQ of 2 and was hit in the head with several Rocks as a child"

Vine quotes out the wazoo, it's just awful for the rest of the team lmao

Replying to everything with "on god?"

soap: "what are you 6?" y/n: "yah 6 inches deep in your mom".....you did not walk away from that unscathed to say the least...worth it tho

[princelance]

a movie........

time for a rant that has been a looong time coming because

the FUCK??? NOOOOOOOOOOOO PLEASE NO NO NO PLEASE GOD IF YOU'RE OUT THERE NEVER LET THIS MOVIE SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY NEVER EVEN MENTION THAT SHOW EVER AGAIN IN MY PRESENCE it should fucking DIE and stay DEAD

the WORST fandom i've ever come across/been part of. everyone was so fucking braindead. god the bullying here was So Bad. vld fandom was the epitome of 'you can't enjoy what you like'. and the bullies were like, some of the most popular blogs here. the content creators (among others ofc) here were NASTY. the people making decent art were so fucking rude to almost anyone that didn't bow down to them and agree with their views on the show, sitting on their high horse like they were fucking gods or something when they were like, 17 or something. mind u voltron was a show about ugly transformers lions and a bunch of kids in space meant for 7 YEAR OLDS. like stfu it's not deep, it's not important. i get that this is the internet i really do but apparently everyone was a pedo and homophobic and racist and needed to be cancelled because they weren't pure angels. i hope the people who liked the show, both teens and adults alike, have grown up and learnt what those words actually mean and why you shouldn't just casually throw them around. i hated you all. u had to be so careful about what you said on here, it was like north korea or something. i remember how kids got bullied into deleting their harmless fanfics, the fucking voice actors got bullied on a daily basis, it was BAD. i remember i got hate for having shiro as my icon and the background was the bi flag colours. I AM BI. also, so what if i had headcanoned shiro as bi, you couldn't have stopped me or anyone else from thinking that, and also IT WOULD NOT HAVE MATTERED, HE'S FICTIONAL, HE'S JUST LINES AND PIXELS. i know this is going to shatter some of your worlds (or at least would have back then), but a random ass nobody on tumblr headcanoning a character as bi when said character is "actually" straight/gay/whatever is NOT going to affect irl queer people in any way, it does NOT have real life consequences. who gives a fuck. since when has the fandom given a shit about canon anyway? fuck you.

okay, i've been bitching about the fandom enough (no i haven't, there's no way you can ever bitch about the vld fandom enough). what about the actual show? well. once again it's meant for 7 year olds. who cares if it was good or not. i've seen seasons 1–6. i liked season 1, didn't really like anything after that since the show seemed to change so much. the first season kind of has a different vibe completely? idk how to explain it, it just kind of feels like the actual show and then the rest was just a long fanfic by someone who was in love with keith's character. but since i was watching the show with my sister who was 10 at the time, it was fine, otherwise i wouldn't have kept watching after seeing season 2 i don't think.

here are a few negative things about the show imo:

making keith the main character out of nowhere after s1 (where he definitely wasn't the main focus) was so dumb. god the showrunners loved keith sooo much, it was so stupid. keith was nooot a leader. whatever.

making keith the black paladin was also so fucking stupid my god. and yes, everyone here wanting LANCE to become the black paladin just because he was the fandom favourite (don't get me wrong, he was my fave too) was so fucking braindead too honestly. shiro or allura. no one else made any sense.

canon allurance SUUUCKED. like holy shit that was so bad and horribly written, even lotor and allura had a better love story and had waaay more chemistry (and their relationship ended badly, rightfully so). and NO klance was never ever ever going to be canon, you were so delusional. like lmaooo did we even watch the same show? i just really enjoyed their dynamic and that's why i shipped them together, whatever. but yeah, like i said the bullying here was disgusting and everyone was cancelled, great, klance seemed to be the only thing you were allowed to like so in that sense i was lucky.

everything they did with allura in the later seasons............ you know what? i'm not even going to start. because wtfffffffff, as a storyteller myself i ?????? what in the world were they thinking. but yeah whatever it does not matter.

the point of this post is that EW EW EWWWW FUCK THAT SHOW AND FUCK YOU, if you were in the voltron fandom in 2017/2018 i personally hate you

[pretty1npnk]

𝜗𝜚 ... CHOUKA AIKAWA AND A PINK CARPET ... MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN !

After her massive debut this year, of course everyone's favorite Barbie had to pull up to FicFest! So, how was Chouka's experience at the event of the year?

SHE'S FASHION'S FAVORITE B*TCH ... !

Of course, Chouka had to wear pink on a pink carpet. This is Chouka we're talking about. Being the industry's resident fashion expert and girly girl, she stunned in three archive pieces in one night. Her pink carpet look was Jean Louis Scherrer S/S 1988, gloves and all. Her presentation look was Guy Laroche S/S 1991, and her after-party look was Versace F/W 1991. Despite being a Dior ambassador, Chouka refuses to chain herself to the brand. We love that for her!

Seven years in the game and still, no one knows how Chouka manages to source her looks, but she's Chouka Aikawa. It's self-explanatory at this point.

FROM LEFT TO RIGHT ! ... Jean Louis Scherrer S/S '88, Guy Laroche S/S '91, Versace F/W '91

Bringing Chouka's look together was her ever impeccable hair and makeup, the makeup of which was done by Chouka herself. She was praised for days by the press and netizens alike, with many comparing her to a princess and, of course, a Barbie. High fashion Twitter couldn't get enough of her, but what's new?

BUT WHAT ABOUT HER PERFORMANCE ... !

Gagged me. Gagged you. Gagged your mother. Gagged your mother's second cousin. Gagged your dog. Chouka gagged everyone with this performance, girl!

Now, what she performed wasn't a new song by any means. "Silk 'N Diamonds" was already on Sincerely. However, it was unfortunately regulated to a deep cut and rarely performed live, and damn, weren't Rosettes mad! So, when Chouka decided to finally give everyone what they'd been waiting for at FicFest, her fans couldn't have been happier.

Everything from the stage design, to her costume, to her hair (she was wearing a tiara, by the way!) was praised to hell and back, because of course it was. But, you'll have to watch it yourself! Which you can see...

HERE ... !

HER BEST MOMENTS ... !

001. A CHAT WITH CLÉO! (@hausofanya)

One of the interviewers on FicFest's pink carpet was Stray Kids' Cléo Torell, whom Chouka definitely had to chat with! From the three things she couldn't live without (hint: it's definitely her closet) to the fact that she couldn't shut up about her newlywedded husband Jason (justified, honestly), it was quite the interesting interview. You can read all of it here!

002. CUTEST COUPLE AT FICFEST!

Oh my God, Jason and Chouka were the cutest thing ever that night. From giggling and publicly flirting during a joint interview to Jason being the first one to give his wife a standing ovation, they said to hell with netizens and were as lovey-dovey as possible. But the best part? Jason pulling Chouka into both a kiss and a hug after her performance. Needless to say, Rosettes in the crowd went batshit. Get yourself a man like Jason Day-Fujiwara, y'all.

003. "YES, I LIKED THE PERFORMANCES. NO, I DON'T HATE ANYONE."

Chouka is known for her resting bitch face, as seen with all the shots of her in the front rows of Parisian fashion shows. And of course, her RBF was on full display during FicFest. But, that doesn't mean she hated being there! However, there were some people (read: Twitter users) that... didn't like how she looked during some of their faves' performances. It got to the point where after the ceremony, an interviewer asked Chouka if she liked the performances from her fellow idols. Her response? "Yes, I liked the performances. No, I don't hate anyone."

Chouka had to tack on a couple more words, of course, saying, "Well, I do strongly dislike some people, but I don't need to name names right now. Regardless, cool it with the misogyny."

An icon as always.

004. TWO PRETTY GIRLS PRESENTING!

Chouka had the pleasure of presenting "Most Visually Pleasing Lineup" during the ceremony, alongside the second gen visual herself, Park Ah-reum of DI-VERSE (famously known as Ahri). The duo to end all duos, the fact that they were paired together was a hot topic all down the timeline. On Chouka's end, everything about her while on that stage was a talking point. From the fact that she changed her dress to her professional attitude to even her voice (her accent is always a favorite), Chouka Aikawa was definitely one of FicFest's "It" girls. But, that's not surprising in the slightest.

THE AFTER-PARTY ... !

Following the ceremony, Chouka invited everyone she knew to her very pink penthouse apartment in Hannam the Hill for Chouka's Very Pink Afterparty! Complete with rosé champagne and other pink cocktails, hors d'oeuvres in various shades of, well... pink, and even a photobooth (in, you guessed it, pink), this afterparty is one of the hottest on the block! Like a cross between a high-end cocktail party and the cutest tea party ever, it's all you'll ever talk about!

Chouka would say "girls only," but unfortunately for her, everyone's welcome.

DO YOU 🫵🏽 WANT TO ATTEND THE PINKEST AFTERPARTY ON THE PLANET? WELL, SIMPLY SEND A DM TO THIS ACCOUNT & AN INVITE WILL BE ON YOUR WAY ... ! 𝜗𝜚

[pinazee]

Psy vs. Psy

I genuinely think that if they were going to bring back any psych villian, Lindsay Leikin would pose the biggest threat. She knows Shawn isn’t psychic, she has adequate motivation to target him personally, and has the skills to prove he’s a fraud and do it slyly as she is also highly skilled in deductive reasoning (she did manage to get them to the counterfeiter to begin with so she has legitimate talent). She could even orchestrate it from prison. Maybe her parole was denied again so, like, what else is she going to do? Plus, she’s kind of nuts. Faking being a psychic with the FBI is a whole other level of bold compared to a local precinct, then she met a counterfeiter and was like yes please, more crime, then killed him when he tried to run, slept with Shawn that same night, then tried to take him hostage when she got caught. Its just a shame she wasn’t a bit more charismatic or eccentric. They had her play it as a very normal girl swept into a life of crime because of a guy (probably because she was a “love interest” for Shawn) when the receipts show she was an absolute lunatic (look at her face after they found the guy she killed. This bitch is smiling).

Also, she just kinda gave up when she was caught. I wish she’d have been screaming “he’s a fraud!” as she was taken to the car or even had a heart to heart moment with Lou Diamond Phillips because she did betray him after all. Idk, i just wanted more. (But i think maybe the writers recognized this and thats how we get Declan later??)

Gus is basically siri at this point. Between the archeology, safes, online poker, the law, tennis players, space, comic books, of course pharmaceuticals, and now studies tender from all over the world- its a smaller list of what Gus doesn’t know. Gus clearly likes learning. I’m surprised he never thought of becoming a teacher or college professor, to try to pass that love of learning to the next generation. Though i guess we see he’s not that great with people surprisingly, considering he’s a successful salesman. (OH MY GOD WHAT IF THIS WHOLE TIME GUS ACTUALLY HAD LIVED UP TO HIS POTENTIAL AND BECAME AN INTERNATIONAL SPY. He knows all these things because of his job, psychs only been able to stay open because Gus can fund it from his spy job, joining psych was a good front but he was also lonely from never getting to be himself. I kid, i kid, but its a fun idea for me haha)

No fucking way shawn doesn’t know what a drill is. Henry definitely would have beat that kind of man stuff into him. The military time too. I just felt the need to point this out. its like the show itself is dissing my boy and i have to defend him lol

I love when Gus is proud and smarmy over shawns talent. Look at his face here. My boy about to prove you wrong.

And do you think Shawn is actually afraid of competition or do you think he learned at an early age from his father that he didn’t have value unless he was the best? Huh Henry, huh???(Weekend warriors “you don’t want to be a loser” comes to mind)

Henry trying some reverse psychology here. I can’t tell if its because Henry is actually concerned for Shawns safety like he said he wasn’t in the previous episode, or if he’s still taking it personally that Shawns using the gifts he “gave” him to be psychic. Probably both. We know he was really bothered by his motorcycle accident, so i wonder if he’s been kind of spiraling, and adding up all the crazy situations he’s been in. (Which, i don’t think Shawn tells him about. i think Gus calls him like a weekly report haha) I think the fact that shawns cases are becoming more dangerous he suddenly doesn’t like the idea of him being a detective, well a detective this way at least, because i think in his mind he’d be safer if he was an actual cop where he had a partner with a gun, and back up, and rules, and training. I mean we know he wouldn’t be, (look at what happens to Lassie and Juliet)

I just wanted to gif this because it’s one of my fave jokes in the episode!

Mildred to the rescue! Im not entirely sure how this worked but it did and thats what matters haha

*Appropriate reaction is appropriate*

[sunflower98s]

rose/ten/tenrose stans: *minds our business*

doctor who fandom on a daily basis: rose tyler is overrated!!! she’s such an annoying, whiny, selfish bitch in series 2!! series 1 rose > series 2 rose. rose is so dumb and incompetent!!!! martha is so much better than her. rose was nothing but some stupid, love interest to ten!!!! i’ll never understand why the doctor loved rose, she is such a whiny, bland brat!! rose should have left for good in doomsday!!!! rose didn’t deserve to end up with the doctor. tenrose’s the blandest and most overrated doctor who ship!UnPoPuLaR oPiNiOn ninerose > tenrose!!! tenrose is toxic and abusive!!! the doctor never showed his true self to rose, she loved a superficial projection!ten never loved rose as much as nine did!! ten was such a whiny brat!!!!! the tenth doctor was nothing but a toxic bitch!!! losing rose was not a legitimate trauma, he had no reason to grieve her for so long! the tenth doctor is bland and overrated!!! there are better doctors than ten!!!! stop saying he’s the best and liking him so much!!!!! [insert here one random doctor] loved [insert here one random companion] much more than ten loved rose!!! ten dumped rose with a clone!!!! rose deserved to die in doomsday!!!tenrose stans are superficial and only ship tenrose because it’s a conventionally attractive ship!!! they are just self-inserting and want to suck dt’s c*ck!!!tenrose is crap, my ship is soooo superior!!

rose/ten/tenrose stans:

rose/ten/tenrose stans: *shrugs*

rose/ten/tenrose stans: *completely ignores the hate, continues to mind our business, don’t even bother to put up fight*

doctor who fandom: *keep up with the daily slander*

rose/ten/tenrose stans:

rose/ten/tenrose stans: *finally gets sick of the slander and fight back*

doctor who fandom: oh my god, ten/rose/tenrose stans are so toxic and annoying!! they can’t handle one single negative opinion about their faves!! they are always starting drama unprovoked!!!! the worst fandom ever!!!!!!!!!

[suzteel]

Ok it’s own post because I am OBSESSED with the bodyguard lunch scene in this episode. It’s like literally my favorite scene. Like…even my face VP scenes don’t top this scene for me.

Ok so god where to start. Let’s just go from the beginning:

Pete’s “Disneyland!🤗” joke is so fucking funny. Especially after looking so annoyed while waiting for Porsche to wake up. (This poor man has probably had to help carry the new guy’s unconscious body twice in like a month. I would be put out too.)

The fucking music shifting from this very light comedic beat to a fucking alarm when Vegas shows up kills me every time. No subtlety at all. This man is a walking red flag and the show wants you to know it 😂

Pete being SO jumpy. So many people have talked about his jumpiness in this scene over the past year but goddamn, it kneecaps me every time thinking about it with the full context of his past.

The fact that Vegas has barely sat down before Kinn shows up. You just KNOW Kinn was in the other room trying to hide his longing stares while he thought about Porsche and so he immediately saw Vegas make his way to the table and was like “oh hell no, bitch.”

One again a costuming note: Kinn in gray robes with Porsche, Arm, and Pol on one side of the table, Vegas and Pete in black on the other side.

This cheese ad is the second funniest ad on the show (after the bread obviously). Bible’s smiles especially are just…insanely funny.

Honestly wish we’d had more Kinn and Vegas scenes. The tension in this scene is sooooo good. I also love how Vegas kind of lights up when he realizes hitting on Porsche genuinely gets under Kinn’s skin. Before that he was just doing what his father asked, but now he smells the blood in the water. And he’s looking to make Kinn bleed as much as he can. I adore him bringing up Tawan here. He’s probably been waiting so long for an opportunity like this one.

TANKHUN WITH THE STEEL PAN

Lord, do I have thoughts about Tankhun in this scene. First of all, 100% big brother protection mode here. He heard that line about Tawan; you can’t convince me otherwise, ok? Secondly, I think it’s the first time we really see the original heir Tankhun come through. He has no fear of retaliation for assaulting Vegas. You know, the scary guy who tortures people for fun. But this is the Main Family territory. It’s Khun’s territory. So he does as he pleases, even to the Minor Family. But the moment Vegas is gone, he shifts right back to spoiled, petulant Khun Nu.

And Vegas…leaves. It’s actually one of those super telling moments about how unbalanced the dynamic between the two families really is. Macau is physically assaulted in episode two, and the Minor Family has to demand the lowly guard who did it be punished (instead of just doing it themselves). Vegas is physically assaulted by Tankhun here, and he has to shrug it off and leave. It’s so easy to see how these kind of little indignities have piled up over the years, festering. The toxicity carried over from their parents.

I just…I love this scene so much. It’s tells us so much about these characters in such a short period of time, it’s so funny and dramatic. It’s delightful. And it was probably THE moment for me when this show went from “eh enjoyable enough” to “ok you got me, I’m hooked.” Fave scene, hands down.

[stealingpotatoes]

askposting: imagine a creative title here

you know the drill bestie. feat. a lot of jedi survivor and some other star warsing

the more you think abt this the funnier it gets. like it means kanera are declaring their income which is absolutely stolen imperial credits to the empire, means kanan went and got a SSN/national insurance number or smthn for his fake identity, and that these ppl who live on a ship ie have no fixed residence are somehow still paying taxes to somewhere. 10/10

@engagemythrusters TUMBLR IS A FUNCTIONING WEBSITE!! i too love when he sit like a people

@finwe77 well now i want to see luke cooking for HIS mando and din being a brave soldier and saying no he's totally fine and then putting the helmet back on to cover his tears and sipping blue milk thru a straw

im like 60% sure thats that aussie dog show but i dont think im qualified to answer this

@stars-are-watching ohhhh nooooo what a shaaaame!!!!! you just HAVE to!!!!!!!

also dw i won't be going on THAT aggressive a cal kestis lockdown. i mean... i imagine you're gonna be seeing a lot of him here for a few days but--

i have to say cal's basic bitch bracca poncho, legally

--- SEVERE JEDI SURVIVOR SPOILERS BELOW!!!!!!!!!!!

WHERE TO START!!!!!!!!!!!!! CAN I SAY ALL OF IT???? EVEN IF IT EMOTIONALLY DEVASTATED ME??????

it's probably the cute mantis fam scene before everything goes to shit. theyre all being so domestic and adorable and MERRICAL!! KISS!!!!!!!!!!!! MERRICAL!!!!! cal deserves nice things even tho for the entire cutscene i was thinking "this feels exactly like a scene in another game where we're meant to be going to the final location tomorrow but then my allies betray me" AND WELL.

even if it emotionally obliterated me i also loved the entire bit after bc SO MUCH. HAPPENED. like???????? thE SHOCK OF BODE even if i was getting a bit sus of him after the dagan fight I STILL DIDNT SEE IT COMING AND I WAS SO UPSET AND THEN HE WAS A JEDI AND THEN PLAYING AS CERE!??!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!?!?!??! I WAS GRINNING SO HARD BC OMG COOL EVEN IF CAL IS LIKE. MAYBE NOT OKAY RN THE FUN OF PLAYING AS HER WAS TOO MUCH. AND THEN. HOLY SHITTING FUCK I HAD NOT EVEN THE SLIGHTEST INKLING VADER WAS GONNA SHOW UP. I GASPED SO FUCKIN LOUD LMAO. IT WAS SUCH A GREAT FIGHT, VADER IS SO SCARY, AND I LOVE FIGHT SCENES W HIM BC YOU KNOW FROM BOTH A TACTICAL AND NARRATIVE STANDPOINT YOU CANNOT WIN AND GOD. THE LIGHTSABER FAKEOUT. DOES RESPAWN KNOW THEIR MEAT IS HUGE.

i am a big enough person to admit i cried twice and the bit after this was one of those times <3

BUT YEAH probably fave bit is the cute pre-emotional obliteration moment

[blankvort]

you've probably answered something like this but favourite songs from the stage show and i want details, GO‼️

pezberrywhoreee i cannot even begin to describe the dearth of times i have answered anything related to mean girls and the amount of times i have internally cried and screamed wanting to interrupt a conversation to talk about mean girls. i say that god is dead but you are doing his work right here. putting this under a read more because you said details and this became a study of why every song in the stage show is better than opioids and thin mints combined <333 no articulacy here just 8000+ words of vibes and ranting

first of all if cady sings a single line i am violently shoving every note of the song into a mental folder called faves in such eldritch fonts that my brain computer is halfway to summoning cthulhu whenever it loads the soundtrack. she is described as the heart of the story on the backstage casting call page for a reason and that reason is her absolutely incredible range as she struts from the plucky guitar gyrations and membranophone-focused percussion of it roars into the candid, confiding, crescendoing (and other c words you can probably guess based on the verbiage i use in dms) keys of stupid with love and then climb the vocal volcano that is apex predator and akfjskhfidbdihgshejfhiajw i love her and i love her songs and i need to shut up now i’m sorry

second (but not really because i’m still going on and on about cady i’m sorry) i’m upset abt most other productions burying cady’s fourth-wall breaks and kind of making the segue into revenge party less. i don’t know riled up?? because 1) where did my girl janis’s influence go it is so much more impactful when cady’s main reason for going along with the revenge plot and pushing it further is hearing about janis being outed from janis herself! when her main motivator becomes aaron, who she likes super superficially by the time more is better rolls around, you think wow! what a bitch! for even longer! like you don’t even have to cut the “your hair looks sexy pushed back”/”are his eyes gray or green” conversation that prods her into sending gretchen over the edge this isn’t a time issue 2) where did cady’s brain go bring me a whole box of profound regret and impulsive decisions let the people in the back hear the hows and whys of her descent into plastichood and moreover i would like her to sing more and most of all i love it when characters break the fourth wall. by that i mean i want the “sounds kind of bad right to spy on someone but they’re the first friends i’ve had and i don’t want to have none” things back because the narrative nudity and the way it follows the melody of the verses in fearless is a+++

now. my legitimate favorite songs from the stage show in chronological order

a cautionary tale: the repartee the art freaks have is elite and so are their riffs. The lyrics are 3am notes app poetry lines and that’s an amazing thing for mean girls. It’s not the typical broadway opening number but it’s rough and brash and brilliant. To me the cast of mean girls strikes the perfect balance between caricature and lived-in character and the insouciance of this song towards seriousness reflects that wonderfully. Janis assuming the worst of everyone by saying that the temptation to be popular and hot is far too great and saying that you can’t buy integrity at the mall is some nice, if blatant, foreshadowing regarding cady losing her integrity as she gets caught up in the perilous biome of shopping centers with such dangerous patrons as build-dat-bear. The last line of the chorus abruptly changing the amount of beats in the measure adds an extra kick layout fosse quality that i love too. The ending is the apotheosis of mezzo-soprano/tenor harmonization. Need both janis and damian to step on me but for different reasons. No i will not elaborate

it roars: i have a soft spot for wild life but it roars is superior in every way to me because it introduces cady, the show’s sense of humor, the cast’s incredible skill when it comes to singing and dancing (seriously i had never seen an ensemble that made me want to be ensemble before mean girls), and the perfect transition from a cautionary tale will always get me hyped. i have many thoughts about the many changes the mg script and score have gone through throughout the years but oh my god my jaw dropped at the breathtaking belting of “i have danced with the maasai, i have climbed kilimanjaro” when i first heard it mashed up with it roars and the callback the verse gets in fearless 2.0(?) totally dislocated it. Also i know that it’s a pairing so unpopular it’s basically nonexistent but hear me out when i say that it roars is just a more optimistic, afrobeat inspired version of what’s wrong with me. Cady never seems to think that it’s the student body that needs to change, she thinks she needs to fight and win to belong just as gretchen thinks she needs to serve the most powerful person in school to be deserving of… idk anything?? Of course you cannot trust me on this because i will ship cady with anyone if you give me the chance. Writing cady/the marymount girl fanfic as we speak

it roars is the first indicator that musical cady is pretty different from movie cady in that she earnestly wants to go to the us, wants to have more/better friends, wants to try high school and skateboards and rapping and starbucks venti chai. which makes sense because you know you gotta have that sick i want song so characters feel less tossed about and more thrusting into. there’s a better way to word that but i don’t have the skull size to summon a less immature dictionary right now. a curious thing about it roars, though, is that kenya, being a country and all, has high school and skateboards and rapping. no starbucks because apparently rwanda was an easier location to settle into but that’s a good thing actually nobody should support starbucks. either way you can really see that cady’s been sheltered from the realities of any society past the stone age and idolizes this incredibly abstract view of friends and people. she’s equal parts desperate and determined, artless and acute. it’s ironic, i feel that at first her speech patterns (lions and birds and stuff) seem at odds with her sub-saharan surroundings as though she’s already trying to integrate herself with this slangy teenage culture she knows nothing about and then when she finally finds herself in slangy teenage culture she compares everything to the survival-based rules of the savannah. i know this is probably for streamlining purposes but it’s also so interesting to me that her immediate reaction to her parents’ funding being cut is wow adventure wow possibilities. she knows that everybody wants connection but she doesn’t yet know why connection has to be culled by all these arbitrary rules like fashion or acting cool. like i don’t remember where i read this but some novel said that the only thing worse than being smart is being smart and sensitive because then neither the logical nor emotional explanations for any event can make sense. i swear i will find that book someday to take a photo but today i am bedridden because i walked the five or so inches from home to the grocery store

back to it roars. i hate the grammar in the line “none of my closest friends even has hands” but i love everything else about the song. the beat is so bouncy and the ostinati of the wind and brass sections are top tier. the comedic beats are underscored by cutting the music and then the vocals come back in soaring alongside the strongest bass since george perry and i could die happy if hospitals changed the flatline noise to any cady singing “so exhilarating”.

two paragraphs and we’re still going strong dead god help me. personally i feel like the best delivery of the ensemble lines have to be as obnoxious and deafening as humanly possible but i get people who feel differently. it’s just really great to me when cady is polite and confused and very presumptuous and sonja aquino’s actively going through act two of the exorcist in real time. i think that’s why danielle wade is my cady of choice too. love it when autism: the song is put through the epiglottic funnel of anxiety. also i’m wiping tears right now about the fact cady refers to phones as little screens in her first act one song and in the act two opener she’s glued to her phone because she wants attention so badly and still doesn’t feel like she has enough even though she talks about how america and the plastics are so much more than what she’s used to. Also very interesting that cady views inclusion as a game that needs to be won (and eventually comes to view baleful adoration as winning) even though she later exhibits a sort of survival of the fittest mentality that shows up as early as her mention of baboons attacking those that go near their pack. Fun fact i think her takeover of the plastics mirrors dispersal in male baboons wherein mature male baboons leave the pack they were born into to find another troop to temporarily stay in and usually if they end up replacing the alpha male of that non-natal troop they commit infanticide because then he can reproduce with the alpha male’s old mate/s. That’s not super fun but it is a fact to me. but i’ll talk about the strange views musical cady heron seems to hold about winning more in my do this thing essay which i am definitely going to write despite my best efforts to make this post under five thousand words

gonna slide the it roars reprise in here too because it’s not on the soundtrack but it still makes me feel things. “i’m sixteen just like everyone here but not like everyone here” and what if i said mean girls is the best dissection of the torturous dichotomy between being desperate to belong and being desperate to be unique. There’s a thing called theatrical exaggeration but for mental health purposes i choose to believe that north shore class of x immediately clocked cady as a weirdo utterly undeserving of trust or respect when they saw her wear socks and sandals. I know i just complained about people calling every iteration of cady boring but i feel like i haven’t seen actual hate for musical cady (at least not as much slander as i’ve seen sent to og movie and especially movie musical cady) because you can better bear witness to her most vulnerable moments when she’s singing directly at you instead of saying things in a soundproof recording studio. She’s not quitting she’s regrouping! Which is a fascinating choice of words to me because regrouping in math is basically carrying over values because they’re too much. She gets sucked into this idea that more is better even though she has to compartmentalize the information she’s learned from hostile classmates and teachers and draw connections to her experience with animals because more is not better without proper management. Also this bitch is gonna get e coli if the janitors don’t care enough to clean the slut-shaming graffiti on the wall they are not wiping down those cubicle doors

where do you belong: i love gay people. “so what if all the ducklings think you’re ugly it’s because they’ve never seen a swan” is ted talk worthy material. never getting over the fact that damian knew this girl for all of maybe one introductory french class’s worth of interaction, accused her of doing drugs, and then built her confidence back up from the seventh circle of hell. the “your mother called you baby girl?” “singing!” exchange is peak best friend banter and showcases the art freaks’ dynamic of frank, funny jerk with a tarnished heart of gold and budding broadway babe with a shocking amount of wisdom obscured by hilarity and hypocrisy. the debate team rejected damian because he was too fabulous to be deigned to one oregon-oxford role i’ve decided. i love unreliable narrators and damian shooing cady away from the mathletes as soon as she shows the barest interest in them is an entertaining way of showing that nobody in this story is free from social norms. the lunch tray percussion is something all marching bands should adopt and so are the lighting cues. janis’s reactions to damian killing his dance breaks are the best. rachel hamilton is my fave ensemble student i don’t care if she gets maybe two or three lines total.  she was giving bombastic side eyes before anyone knew the word bombastic. i desperately need to know if she knew what cady was actually saying or if she thought cady was just a lion king stan asking to be canceled. damian painting everyone but his two-person clique as problematic is also peak teenage behavior. everything at that age is just finding the lesser of two evils and figuring out whether or not you want to meet the bigger evil anyways. janis deriding “the geeks and the freaks” despite being labeled as an art freak by every mg promo is also amusing and barrett and mary-kate’s deliveries of “christian believers” could send me to heaven any day they want. the ending is so satisfying to listen to and even more satisfying to watch. also i do mean it when i say that cady was adopted by the local gays in this number. are janis and damian aware that having their own table in a school that makes juniors and seniors have lunch at the same time makes them more powerful than all the politicians of the globe combined

stupid with love: ALSKAJLDJASLDAJLLKJ. stupid with love is the best musical representation of how a crush driven by hormones and being treated with the barest sense of humor and dignity can devour a person taylor swift eat your heart out. the music really sweeps you up into this story like you’re a close friend privy to even her most embarrassing thoughts and the way her love life flashing before her eyes just shuts out whatever aaron was going to say about lebron james is the funniest thing because yeah! you can be convinced you’re totally in love with someone when you’re that age while ignoring everything that makes them a well-rounded human being! the way cady’s clearly grown up in a caring household that’s so chock full of trust that her parents can’t fathom that she’d do anything remotely dangerous while having the whole house to herself for more than one hour BUT also feels like she doesn’t “get” love is super interesting to me to like most sixteen-year-olds have the idea that their parents don’t understand them sure but has she come to the conclusion that familial love isn’t enough? that she doesn’t get enough familial love anyways? that love is unknowable? does she wholeheartedly believe that she fell in love at age five? stupid with love is a song of so many possibilities and it’s as giddy and delusional as you’d expect, every emotion heightened by cady’s new brand of eloquence. fetch may never happen but calculust absolutely should. the little snippets of dialogue in between are so endearing on both cady and aaron’s ends to the point where i can forgive ms norbury clearly not knowing how to conduct a class. who’s gonna tell cady to raise her hand before she answers. i’m kidding she can do whatever she wants, even ignore the existence of multiplication. multiplication is a bitch cady i get it

we once again see that cady is determined almost to the point of self-destruction and that she’s desperate to live a ‘normal’ life by getting together with the normalest boy of all time and the song so perfectly sets up why we should care about cady and aaron as a couple–he’s the only person thus far to not even suggest what she should think/do, encouraging her in a teasing way to be herself (ie smart) instead of telling her to be dumber so he can feel better about himself. cadaaron is the only straight ship ever argue with the wall. also the instrumental on its own is literally such a bop?? i’d drop a grand piano on myself daily if the keys could just perpetually play the song. quoth my own blog my heart belongs to every video out there of a cady opting up on the last “i learned math so i can learn love” it just fits so well thematically and makes the song even more satisfying because it makes you think yes!! summon that girlfailure swag and learn love. also this song is so next to me from twihard: a new musical coded with the pencils and/or feet providing the musical pulse. this is me very subtly begging you to listen to twihard: a new musical as put on by the esoteric ensemble productions and uploaded like a full decade ago starring danielle wade 

apex predator: i love women. i love bon jovi. i love zoology. this song was made for me tina fey told me herself. i can even forgive whoever made halls rhyme with dolls because of the regina furry confirmation. the first few chords kind of give me jaws theme vibes. it’s grinding and warning and doused in grit. you get the brightness of cady’s other songs cut with the flinty, darker strings of janis’s numbers. the heavy drum sort of sounds like a heartbeat, quickening as cady realizes the might of the pride and considers how regina’s help compares to janis’s in an almost clinical manner. shout out to erika henningsen’s “exotic pet” obviously. that line should be studied by every ivy league with a literary program because regina and cady considering the other an exotic pet instead of a real friend but still seeking each other’s approval……. maybe the narrative foils are really reflections of my tin foil hat but hear me out. it’s so interesting that they refer to regina as an apex predator because apex predators are animals without natural enemies but almost every single friend or admirer of regina’s exhibits an envious kind of awe when it comes to regina. regina’s so magnetic that you can’t be her enemy but close enough to pseudo-celebrity that you can’t exactly be her friend either. also the harmony at the end combined with the epic percussion deserves its own award. no longer does egot mean anything. One must be an egota (emmy grammy oscar tony apex predator singer) to be considered showbiz royalty

stupid with love (reprise): cady is so so smart and so so stupid. aaron getting confused at a genuine compliment not solely based on his looks is adorable but i also love it when the line delivery gets changed to be more like “wow i already know i’m cool but it’s nice to hear it from the cute possibly murderous girl who sits behind me”. same goes for cady’s “shit” right after aaron swears off dating–it’s funny as hell whether she’s smiling through the pain or so disappointed in herself she looks like she’s experiencing medical shock. her making love into a function is similarly messed up but funny as hell. i literally have a google drive folder full of audio clips of the “i just don’t get it–i’ll never get it–i just don’t get it–somehow…” part it’s so serious

sexy: this is modern feminism talking i expect to run the world in shoes i cannot walk in - the greatest mind of our generation karen smith. if the national emergency alarm was changed to the ending riff i would become an arsonist just to hear it over and over again. a youtube commenter said that she sings every line like she’s waiting to be shown the script and redo it and whenever acting and singing can waltz along in magnificence together i sob in joy even if that waltz is set to trashy pop. literally every costume shown is worthy of fashion week and then some. the sex doctor bit is beyond saturday night live. sexy rosa parks deserves the world. modern feminism is a mess but at least it built the last verse of this incredible song.

someone gets hurt: regina pretending to cry and aaron being confused again and then being manipulated into a makeout session is so so funny. so terrible but so funny. the incredible blare of noise after that first “until someone gets hurt” feels like being pushed off a cliff and into a sea of warning sirens which feels fitting. if any song from the stage show were to be played by a chamber orchestra i would want it to be someone gets hurt because everything about it is almost four seasons by vivaldi to me. as i said do not expect sensible comparisons from this review. it’s really dark and intense like all of regina’s numbers but this time her style of seduction is on full display, highlighted by some heavy timpani work and a male ensemble that’s carrying more than just regina on their backs holy cow. squidward would worship regina with how she made the bass clarinet sultry despite hitting something in the high fs during each “hurt” and holding that “go” for like five seconds. the ending is giving celine dion’s villain arc. it’s also maybe the first time the audience sees aaron through the eyes of anyone other than cady who’s so starstruck she might as well be blind and we see a guy who’s still susceptible to regina’s yknow reginaness. she guilt trips him about his potential infatuation with his body and then gets extremely touchy with him while wearing a playboy bunny costume. she asks if she was a game he wanted to play despite (maybe devoid of remorse) playing him just to get back at cady. she’s making so much shit up because peeling away too many layers of her perfection would be dangerous but so would losing aaron to cady’s actual openness. first she says “fine” to mean that she’ll be fine without aaron in the reverse psychology sense, then they say “fine” to mean that they’re both hot af, then he says “fine” to agree to get back with regina and possibly to convince himself that his interest in cady can and should be pushed aside because being with regina is better for them both. love this song. hate being unable to sing a single note of it.

revenge party: my overall fave song of the obc album, the stage show, and the movie musical. words alone cannot describe the excitement that electrocutes my nerves when i hear “now you know, caddy—” because everything from that line onwards is going to be stuck in my head for at least a week. some people can’t function until their first cup of coffee in the morning, i can’t function until my first listen of revenge party. in slight relation to that gretchen’s squawking will make me spit out any drink; such has been scientifically proven over the course of several years. i actually have a line-by-line analysis of revenge party drafted so i won’t go into detail right now because i need viewer retention but i mean it when i say art freak harmonization is the best kind.

whose house is this: if kevin g has one fan it is me. let the man rap even if half his lyrics don’t make sense. i have heard the big fun from heathers comparisons. i have heard the halloween from be more chill comparisons. all of them are so incorrect i could set several houses ablaze with the rage i feel at the very suggestion that whose house is this isn’t a masterpiece. no joke this is the first song on my workout playlist. the way nobody even cares about cady in this number is hilarious and so is kevin refusing to swear. gretchen deserves all the thank yous and so does the horns section. karen’s actions are just. Absurd as they always should be. the mario kart ass instrumentals during that “turn the freaking music up” segment make me pleasantly stressed. there are traces of jungle techno but little to no traces of cady’s signature sound and the usually lax but articulate and expressive rhyme scheme of her songs switching to frenzied verses full of immaturity and inconsideration makes me feel things that should not be felt while listening to a rave number with flatulent bass.

more is better: the only romantic duet to ever exist if you ask me. the fact that cady switches from the more sincerity-charged love to like most likely because the plastics’ philosophy is to be cool about things makes me want to bite the bars of alcatraz prisons. the way cady’s signature sound only really returns after aaron chooses to leave her because she’s become regina 2.0 without even acknowledging it is the stuff of emotionally resonant legend. as i said in my aaron review post the only thing that bothers me about this number is aaron kissing cady while she’s clearly drunk and he isn’t but cady kind of gets him back after do this thing so. yay equality. aaron’s so tired of being manipulated and told to shut up i feel so bad for him. cady’s so in denial about missing her old home in any capacity and being uncomfortable with the skin she’s tried to grow into for aaron’s sake and i feel so bad for her. the shimmering sound that comes with cady singing “stars” makes me feel better though. 11/10 would be sad again. say no to excessive air conditioning and light pollution

someone gets hurt (reprise): i like it when gays have bad breakups without even dating. what more do you want. but actually i am obsessed with the way this is blocked out because the way the chaos of cady’s house gradates into the dark street where there’s nothing but her and her crumbling friendships. the link between janis and regina is really reinforced by this song and it makes me feel insane.

world burn: the only way regina can redeem herself for wearing a black turtleneck and black pants is by slaying so hard you forget she’s just printing shit and polluting the corridors and she does it in world burn. her having a recurring set of notes to follow until she absolutely loses it is iconic. i learned so much about hernia formation through this song so i think it’s also an educational heritage site. the contrast of her 1984-esque lyrics and beats with lines like “trang pak is a grotsky byotch” is beyond hilarious but in the context of the show it makes my timbers shiver. she is both manipulated and the master manipulator. renee rapp’s opt up for the ending is golden but every regina brings their own flair and intensity to it. something that really interests me is how different actresses interpret the lines “this is what i get for helping / helping someone lame fit in” because to generalize regina either thinks she was actually helping cady or is trying to convince herself/the audience that her primary motivator was controlling cady’s every action before she got too hot to ignore or because she saw her hanging around janis and damian or because regina can’t ask a girl out like a normal person. idk it’s very fun and very satisfying to listen to and ramps up the ante for all antagonistic songs ever!

i’d rather be me: did you mean the feminist anthem of the twenty-first century? i’d rather be me is pure janis in her sort of jumpy, edgy, eleven o’clock exasperated glory tuned to this effusive fusion of pop and rock. the energy this has is soooo good because every girl in school is tired of being treated like shit because of the expectations placed on them by society and the idea that by i’d rather be me the female student body of north shore is so exhausted of the plastics’ bs that they parade janis around despite shunning her for years is amazing. most criticisms of this are abt how wordy it is or how it’s not worded right but hello janis is a teenager her inner and outer monologue is not going to be as mature as fucking grizabella the glamor cat and it can include words that anyone would study for the sats like sycophant. sycophant is not that fancy a word i learned the word sycophant from a star wars fanfiction i read when i was seven how could you not know the word sycophant at age seven squared after making a living out of reviewing shows written by wordsmiths like sondheim. sorry that was mean i’m just tired of people either going “they wouldn’t talk like that they’re teenagers” or “they shouldn’t talk like that they’re part of a theatrical production worth millions of dollars!” lmao

ok so i think that janis was losing herself just as much as cady over the course of the revenge plot taking place because okay she’s ruined regina but she’s barely changed anything about herself and if her plan had worked without hitches wtf was she going to do. was she going to keep hanging out with cady. was she going to fill the power vacuum left by the plastics herself. was she going to run regina over with a bus herself. i’d rather be me is the culmination of the crushing pillars of her revenge plot and the full realization that revenge wasn’t what she wanted–she wanted to change the way the world works, change it into a place where people can just do and be without being ostracized. to me the instrumentals and the mockery in the lyrics are almost stinging?? someone with even could describe this better than me but the strings during the instrumental section between verses remind me of a mosquito bite because they’re high and sharp and put against the heavy drums and cymbal crashes they really paint this picture of a dam of anger breaking and giving way to a new wash of awareness. 

also i cannot stand it when ppl say this song is the show giving endorsement to janis being a hypocrite there is a reason why all the lyrics are in future tense. she is wrapping her mind around the notion that there is no pleasing everyone, that there is no true gratification gained by holding grudges and letting them control your every thought, that if you don’t let yourself have the liberty of lashing out you’re only going to manifest your maliciousness in worse ways with longer-lasting effects. that being said let girls be haters

also the obc album should’ve let janis swear. every public performance of i’d rather be me should let janis swear. let her have a line with bite before her throat turns into a cavern where vowels go to melt into a singular solution

also janis’s costumes over the course of the whole show are amazing but her look in i’d rather be me goes so hard. if i had any of janis’s jackets i think i’d curl into it like a cocoon and wait until the heat death of the universe for metamorphosis into coolness

do this thing: no joke this is the second song on my workout playlist. i hate the title so much but i love also the audience reaction when ms norbury starts singing as if she didn’t just slay the what’s wrong with me reprise gets me every time. truly the actresses in the adult women track are so underappreciated and so are the adult women in general. kevin g’s unabashed doing of the thing regardless of the haters is iconic. the return of the heavy percussion is so enjoyable and so are the mathletes’ lines lining up with the steaming kettle sound somehow behind each buzzer even though i hate buzzers because in real life mathletes nobody wants to answer on beat. ms norbury best matchmaker ever i LOVED the detail of aaron being present for the mathletes’ win but cady clearly focusing on the competition above all else. i’m pretty sure the mathletes are also the only characters to drop an f-bomb in a song which is just fantastic + the gretchen/regina parallel between kevin and marwan regarding schquillz is phenomenal. “the limit does not exist” being both the answer to the question that signifies cady’s return to her old self with more self-assurance and the theme of the musical in terms of not limiting other people is a level of genius i will never reach.

i see stars: i’m sorry they gave cady a big finale where she calls everyone beautiful and bright and holds hands with the other girls she’s hurt and you expect me to not love it?? this one had to grow on me though because i was so bothered about the stars imagery coming up maybe like five songs before when we’d been following animals and math for the whole show. as we all know characters can only have one or two interests before they become completely incoherent. but now i know more about light pollution and have played the video of this song with the pride chorus more times than i’ve blinked so i get it. shane oman also breaking his crown during the escalation of the instrumentals from a very optimistic but singular combo of strings and cymbals into the violins and heavier drums and whatever else is such a good detail. i still get goosebumps with that “you stars” there is just so much emotion packed into this finale and the rest of the ensemble joining in is as effective as onions being cut directly into my eyes when it comes to crying. obviously my fave version of this is the one with cady and janis’s mini duet during the rhinestones don’t shine part but guaranteed this one will make me cry no matter what

now. for the songs that didn’t make it onto my absolute fave list they are still my children just bastard ones and i will go into detail about them too because there is no point in writing this post if it does not crash the tumblr dashboard for you

a cautionary tale (reprise): akin to its origins, the reprise of a cautionary tale kicking off act two is there to introduce the act, but unlike its first iteration, the reprise is literally just there. no jokes no nothing. would love to see it reworked into something that reminds the audience they’re north shore freshmen being told this story by janis and damian because i forget about that framing device until the dialogue break in i see stars every time lmao but other than that it’s serviceable and any song that involves art freak harmonization is a solid song

meet the plastics: maybe i don’t love women as much as i claim to. I don’t know why i don’t like this song more truly. Maybe i just need to listen to it more lmao because the lyrics are great, the tempo changing with each introduction is great, and gretch waiting until regina’s out of earshot to try and convert cady into a fetch truther is great. Maybe it’s the “humps my leg like a chihuahua” line that turned me off from it because nell benjamin i do not care that you wrote legally blonde i do not think regina george would bring up animal humping imagery considering what her mother puts her through unless she was hopped up on pain meds. All that being said i would die for the polyphony at the end and karen playing with cady’s hair near the end is so cute

what’s wrong with me: gretchen it’s not you it’s me and i like songs with a specific sort of climax and what’s wrong with me really does feel like a music box piece played by some dusty not-quite-antique you find in the attic that makes you feel a particular, peculiar strain of melancholy because it’s so cyclical and fragile. which is the point, probably! It just sounds really different from the rest of the show and i feel like the lyrics don’t quite fit the language we’ve heard gretch using so far but maybe that’s also part of the point. That being said the line “see that you see what’s wrong with me” makes me go mad because there are so many ways to interpret it. Is she telling the audience that they should be able to see what’s wrong with her? Is she saying that the audience sees something good in regina that she can’t see anymore because of her constant mistreatment? Is she once again asking what’s wrong with her or has she finally had a breakthrough about her dismal self-esteem?

fearless: oh my god a cady song and act ender that i’m not totally into sound the sirens. but really fearless without the revisitation of the it roars/wild life passage that tells the audience what makes her fearless aside from wanting to move to america (which might make her more fearless than i thought now i sound that out but still) isn’t my favorite songs despite it having some of my favorite moments like karen’s ribbon dance, gretchen’s very cool dance, cady mirroring regina’s pose on top of the cafeteria table at the start of meet the plastics at the end, the mini someone gets hurt reprise at the end, it isn’t my favorite to listen to because the lyrics are just all over the place. Cady why are you saying that she’ll go cry to mama do you think mrs george is sober enough for that. Cady why are you spouting live love laugh merchandise ass quotes. Cady why are you quoting dwayne the rock johnson “imagine stronger, better, bolder” are you going to play a lacrosse game against regina. Why does karen not wear more vests after this number

You know what made me care about fearless?? The fearless reprise. Oh my god the fearless reprise. I need to make a separate post about the fearless reprise but i can’t listen to it more than once a day or i’ll end up crying for hours on end.  

stop: is it homophobic of me to put three damian songs on this list? probably but i make up for it by filling that broadway cares bucket every time i can. and it’s not that i even really dislike stop!! I have so many thoughts about stop!! i just don’t like it when compared to the other songs that can hold up inside and outside the context of the show!! i just feel like it has to be experienced live to understand its award-losing enormity unlike where do you belong and even then it sounds noticeably different from the rest of the show + essentially pauses the narrative to talk about a whole other story that never gets resolved outside of damian being ghosted (i thought theater was supposed to provide escapism 😔) and then frays a bunch of threads out from the ensemble in a way that doesn’t feel quite as well sewn in as the worship we see during apex predator or after rockin’ around the pole because like. it’s funny sure but just the act before we saw that things can be funny while also moving the story along past attempting to hammer in the message “stop ignoring your real friends” in cady’s thickened-by-makeup head. 

also how does damian even know about her word vomit. cady barely even word vomits in the stage show. it’s all just word coughing fits of confusion and unintentional comedy under peer pressure. whenever she says something embarrassing she either gets cut off or turns it into a whole song. i’m sorry damian i love you and your stupid straw hat but we just saw the whole show we don’t need a recap of everything that happened in the last hour with almost zero internal rhymes and without the frantic pacing of ya got trouble from the music man. cmon.

onto things i love about stop tho which are a) the gaiety (and gay-ty) b) the dancing and c) the staging. i love it when gay characters just get to be silly goofy instead of singing themselves to their graves and even if damian was built off the dramatic thespian homostereotype he gives me the impression of a silly goofy teen trying to balance the interests of his best friends with his sanity through the medium he’s most comfortable in which happens to be literally show-stopping song-and-dance number. also we get cadnis content in the background and the choreo i’ve seen for how janis plays keep away with cady’s phone only gets better (which of course is a synonym for gayer. let the babies hold hands before they yell at each other in the street and see a 15-second death they’re both sort of kind of responsible for). the dancing of course is wonderful. i mean does it make sense in-story for damian to somehow be popular enough with the ladies to rally them into a giant dance break after asking them to divulge their biggest, darkest secrets like an hour after being kicked out of the girls’ bathroom and calling one of them danny devito? probably not. is it really enjoyable when you aren’t itching to get back to the main story? yes. it also makes north shore feel more authentic in a sense?? obviously there’s so much about the social hierarchy exaggerated for comedic effect but yeah public high school is that crazy one day you’ll hear that a classmate got into a drunk driving accident and the next you’ll hear that the same classmate scored an audition for the x factor. and the transition from the art classroom, which is one of my fave sets in the whole show because aghhhh i want to pause everything and analyze art whenever it comes up in a tv show or movie or video game or musical because it’s almost never just art present for the sake of filling the set! there’s a reason why the set designers put that there or downloaded that asset or whatever! based on the official yt video in stop we see a sort of cubist portrait of janis ian, a few monochrome figure studies, and some more abstract pieces and i so want to know what this number would’ve looked like in-universe. did cady legit just run out of class to confront damian and get swept into a gay tea spilling session until the end of the day. be glad you got suspended girl

so. while i cannot begin to fathom the stamina it takes for damian to go from that gorgeous dance break into the grand vocal ending—philip doesnt know what he’s missing out on for sure—stop is not something i play on purpose but if the obc album shuffles to it i won’t complain!

what’s wrong with me (reprise): is it homophobic of me to put every gretchen song sans whose house is this on this list? probably but again it’s just not something i can put on repeat/a number i think depends on the production to arouse much entertainment value. it’s fucking hilarious though i’ll give it that. like it might be in the top three of mg songs when it comes to unadulterated comedy. my heart breaks when gretchen realises she’s stuck in this cycle of servitude and is still being hurt by the people she most desires the approval of and her work is still going unappreciated and then i get a heart attack from laughing because regina’s reign of terror is so absolute even her own mother has feared her from the age of three onwards?? in addition to that what’s wrong with me reprise is why i cannot stand for mrs george hate she’s just a girl too. a toxic girl who never emotionally developed past high school but like. what do you want her to do. she has never had a heartfelt conversation with her daughter ever. also “why couldn’t it just be drugs” is so funny to me because yknow. reggie gets hit by a bus and spends the rest of the show so high she forgets her love languages are acts of slanderous service, passive-aggressive gifts, weaponized physical touch, quality time spent playing hard to get, and words of refutation. taylor louderman deserved a tony for pulling the kalteen bar scream off every night too i think it’s night queen aria levels of difficulty.

the funniest part of this song to me is probably the way it starts and ends so abruptly. usually you can tell when a song’s about to start in a musical but gretchen nearly breaking down into sobs as soon as cady turns her non-self-tanned back without missing a beat is both relatable and hysterical. my girl is clinging to les mis motifs and middle school herd mentality in a world meant for fosse tributes. the spotlight is only on her when she talks about how dim her light feels in comparison to other characters. then mrs george joins in and you get the first female/female duet to rival defying gravity since idk. everything in fun home. i take cash and credit not criticism.

but really the gretchen/mrs george connection is so interesting because they tether themselves to regina in a style that’s irreconcilable with happiness on either end and they know that but possibly for a mix of selfish and sympathetic reasons don’t want to leave in any capacity. the way they’re separated on stage by little more than a change in colored lighting is interesting too and raises the question of whether or not they’re aware that regina’s sun is burning those closest to her in general.

also. can plastic cady snap and yell at me i want to feel something

in conclusion i love you pezberrywhoreee thank you for asking this. i think i said the words “also” and “but” more times than i said the word “gay” and that’s a real hurdle to fly over. i think i expect many random things in your inbox hereafter as retribution/reward depending on how you see it

[goshdangronpa]

Opinion/ view on despair tsumioda? I feel like everyone's sleeping on the potential! And I also feel like I understand them too little to do something about it alone

-🦇

Thanks for the ask, talking bat! Curiously, tsumioda is not my go-to ship for either char as Remnants of Despair. Ibuki seems to have a good thing going with Hiyoko in that DR3 flashback bit, getting audiences in their worst possible feels with the dark power of music. Mikan, of course, is quite content under the high heels of her beloved, and I also have this grand AU narrative in mind of her and Mukuro falling for each other and escaping from Junko together. Separating my fave DR ship - how despairing for me personally! (Lighthearted. I'm an adult, I can multiship)

But here's an idea ... or rather, in my typical fashion, here's a whole story thing. Not a fic. More like, uh, a concept of a fic.

Goddamn, Mikan is needy.

Starved for affection her entire life, the girl's gotten greedy for her "beloved's" attention. Being worshipped like that is fun, but Junko isn't actually a god. She can't literally be everywhere and do everything. Supervising the ongoing downfall of all civilization and mobilizing worldwide forces against the organized opposition takes up a ton of time and energy - more than even the former Ultimate Analyst can give to her increasingly annoying girlfriend.

So when Mikan gets a little too demanding one day, Junko gets it. She still puts the little bitch in her place, with the kind of punishment that's not meant to be enjoyed, but she gets it. Like Gundham would say (y'know, before he got all cheerless and boring), an understimulated cat will scream all night and tear up the sofa. Maybe Mikan just needs something she can play with when Junko's not around. Maybe her pet needs a pet. Or prey. Who cares.

It's gotta be someone who's stupid and proud of it. Someone who overflows with energy, enough to tire Mikan out. And, importantly, someone with so little will of their own that they'd obey even the wimpiest and least threatening of their number. Someone like ...

Mukuro!

No, not really. But Junko would never tell her that, and she needs her toy soldier for more important things than bimbositting. So, Ibuki it is.

Ibuki was tough to crack at first. Junko thought she'd be all in for some rock 'n' roll rebellion with a fellow rule-breaking icon, but this pesky empathetic core held her back. A couple uninterrupted days in a sensory deprivation tank cured her of that. Now she parties hard to drown out the madness, obeys every command so she doesn't get punished again, abandons her own free will so she can say she was just following orders. Good enough for Junko's purposes, including this one.

So Ibuki's staying with Mikan while Junko goes on a trip (partly to take care of business, partly to get some space). She doesn't expect the needy brat to appreciate the arrangement. She doesn't care. "Just don't break her too badly," she says before leaving.

You know how one big perk of nursing for Mikan is wielding the power of life and death over her patients? While she may be giddily submissive for her beloved, she has her dominant side as well. That's the side she shows Ibuki to express her unhappiness with being left behind.

Get your head out of the gutter: this filthy, burnt, airhead musician hasn't earned anything like that from Junko's Girlfriend. The sadist makes the girl massage her, taking all the pleasure and teasing her with what she can't have (okay, maybe keep your head a little in the gutter). She makes the girl humiliate herself, commanding her to do things that even beasts might find beneath them. She pushes the girl's boundaries, testing if she even has any left after all this time.

That first day together is a good day to be Mikan Tsumiki and no one else ...

But then comes the first night.

The next day is easier for Ibuki - a surprise, and one she knows not to point out. (She's much quieter these days, at least offstage.) Mikan doesn't have as much energy for her games. A few half-hearted commands, not barked but sighed, draw only fleeting pleasure. She curls up on the couch, swirling a glass of wine, and beckons Ibuki to join. (On the floor, not on the cushions.)

Last night was Mikan's first night without Junko. No matter what they do, she always waits for her beloved to join her in bed. Sometimes she waits all night, hurting herself to jolt her body awake. After a lifetime of loneliness, she couldn't sleep well without her anymore. Doesn't Junko know that? Doesn't Junko care?

Mikan's slumped on the sofa now, cup lazily tumbling to the floor, spilling. She's so tired. She misses the weight of another body against her back, the arms possessively squeezing her even in slumber, the hot breath that penetrates her purple tangles until the little hairs on her neck bristle.

Last night, Ibuki slept as ordered: in the hall, on the bare wooden floor, like an animal, too afraid of Mikan's wrath to even use the restroom. Now, she takes a liberty.

Junko's Girlfriend gasps as someone else wraps around her from behind. There is timidity in this touch - the trace of terror Mikan had spent all yesterday instilling. Yet even daring to touch her master unbidden is an audacity. More shocking still is that in this touch, there is also tenderness. These arms are not her beloved's ... they're so slender and weak in comparison ...

But they're there. Even after everything Mikan did to her yesterday, they're there. And to their mutual shock, they're not unwelcome.

For a long moment, Mikan doesn't move. Punishment is warranted, even mandatory, lest Ibuki get any uppity notions of free will. No pets on the sofa, she should shout. But she doesn't, and she hates herself for it. As if her new, happier self had fled with the person who shaped that self, as if she were once again that pathetic child who let bullies cut her hair and mark her skin, hopeless and joyless and friendless.

Except, she had friends, didn't she? She at least had Ibuki. Fleeting moments with her come to mind for the first time in a long time, moments of joy. And if she's wrong about being friendless, and wrong about being joyless, then maybe once, at that school, she did have ...

A stronger force blocks her mind from finishing that thought. She was the first of her class to join Junko in Despair, and it won't be overcome with such ridiculous ease. But when she finally stirs, making all of Ibuki's muscles tense, it's to bring her hand over the other girl's, not interlacing or clasping but touching, resting, assuring that this is, indeed, welcome. And just like this, Mikan and Ibuki fall asleep together. When they wake up ...

Well, this has gone on long enough, don't you think?