#aways feel this way
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DEVASTATING the lyric you've been mishearing is better than the real one
#i've been listening to icarus by bastille#and for some reason my brain fills in 'this is how it feels to take a fall' as 'this is how it feels to take off all your skin'#and like fuck man#and I KNOW that’s technically not a misheard lyric but my post my rules cope#anyway my line now#also probably phrased this poorly but its ok#im allowed to be incomprehensible#as a treat#and then fuckin#from we sink by of monsters and men#the original line was 'please look away dont look at me'#and i kept hearing it as 'please learn a way to look at me'#anyway#shoving this post in the queue but please be aware that i am writing it very late at night#q
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Learning that fans hated Applejack and called her "boring" is crazyyy to me because I genuinely, unironically believe AJ's the most complex character in the main six.
Backstory-wise, she was born into a family of famers/blue collar workers who helped found the town she lives in. She grew up a habitual liar until she had the bad habit traumatized outta her. She lost both her parents and was orphaned at a young age, having to step up as her baby sister's mother figure. She's the only person in the main gang who's experienced this level of loss and grief (A Royal Problem reveals that AJ dreams about memories of being held by her parents as a baby). She moved to Manhattan to live with her wealthy family members, only to realize she'll never fit in or be accepted, even amongst her own family. The earlier seasons imply she and her family had money problems too (In The Ticket Master, AJ wants to go to the gala to earn money to buy new farm equipment and afford hip surgery for her grandma).
Personality-wise, she's a total people-pleaser/steamroller (with an occasional savior complex) who places her self worth on her independence and usefulness for other people, causing her to become a complete workaholic. In Applebuck Season, AJ stops taking care of herself because of her obsessive responsibilities for others and becomes completely dysfunctional. In Apple Family Reunion, AJ has a tearful breakdown because in she thinks she dishonored her family and tarnished her reputation as a potential leader –– an expectation and anxiety that's directly tied to her deceased parents, as shown in the episode's ending scene. In The Last Roundup, AJ abandons her family and friends out of shame because believes she failed them by not earning 1st place in a rodeo competition. She completely spirals emotionally when she isn't able to fulfill her duties toward others. Her need to be the best manifests in intense pride and competitiveness when others challenge her. And when her pride's broken, she cowers and physically hides herself.
Moreover, it's strongly implied that AJ has a deep-seated anger. The comics explore her ranting outbursts more. EQG also obviously has AJ yelling at and insulting Rarity in a jealous fit just to hurt her feelings (with a line that I could write a whole dissection on). And I'm certain I read in a post somewhere that in a Gameloft event, AJ's negative traits are listed as anger.
Subtextually, a lot of these flaws and anxieties can be (retroactively) linked to her parents' death, forcing her to grow up too quickly to become the adult/caregiver of the family (especially after her big brother becomes semiverbal). Notice how throughout the series, she's constantly acting as the "mom friend" of the group (despite everything, she manages to be the most emotionally mature of the bunch). Notice how AJ'll switch to a quieter, calmer tone when her friends are panicking and use soothing prompts and questions to talk them through their emotions/problems; something she'd definitely pick up while raising a child. Same with her stoicism and reluctance at crying or releasing emotions (something Pinkie explicitly points out). She also had a childhood relationship with Rara (which, if you were to give a queer reading, could easy be interpreted as her first 'aha' crush), who eventually left her life. (Interestingly enough, AJ also has an angry outburst with Rara for the same exact reasons as with EQG Rarity; jealous, upset that someone else is using and changing her). It's not hard to imagine an AJ with separation anxiety stemming from her mother and childhood friend/crush leaving. I'm also not above reading into AJ's relationship with her little sister (Y'all ever think about how AB never got to know her parents, even though she shares her father's colors and her mother's curly hair?).
AJ's stubbornness is a symptom of growing up too quickly as well. Who else to play with your baby sister when your brother goes nonverbal (not to discount Big Mac's role in raising AB)? Who else to wake up in the middle of the night to care for your crying baby sister when your grandma needs her rest? When you need to be 100% all the time for your family, you tend to become hard-stuck with a sense of moral superiority. You know what's best because you have to be your best because if you're aren't your best, then everything'll inevitably fall apart and it'll be your fault. And if you don't know what's best –– if you've been wrong the whole time –– that means you haven't been your best, which means you've failed the people who rely on you, which means you can't fulfill your role in the family/society, which makes you worthless . We've seen time and time again how this compulsive need to be right for the sake of others becomes self-destructive (Apple Family Reunion, Sound of Silence, all competitions against RD). We've seen in The Last Roundup how, when no longer at her best, AJ would rather remove herself from her community than confront them because she no longer feels of use to them.
But I guess it is kinda weird that AJ has "masculine" traits and isn't interested in men at all. It's totally justified that an aggressively straight, misogynistic male fandom would characterize her as a "boring background character." /s
At the time of writing this, it's 4:46AM.
#mlp#yeah i wrote this last night during insomnia.#yeah i know an embarrassing amount of crap about this kids show#but whatever it's my hyperfixation i'll store as much useless information as i want!!!#i'm gay and neurodivergent i have an excuse#in case you needed more proof that aj's my favorite character#personal#delete later#unless you like this analysis stuff#i get why they didn't reveal aj's parent's death until way later and why they didn't do much with it but i wish they did#cuz narratively there could've been so much material with aj's grief. like. i feel like we gloss over the fact that she lost her#mother and father as a teenager#i tried keeping my personal hcs out of this to keep it unbiased#but i'll put some in the tags#involving rarijack –– i think aj can be (but not always) very self-conscious about her relationship with rarity#anxieties that she's not the right fit or that rarity will move away and leave her some day or that another woman will take her attention#(like in rollercoaster of friendship?? nudge nudge??). basic seperation anxiety stuff#long post#regarding applebloom whenever i think about her and her parents i think about that scene in steven universe where steven looks up at#a portrait of his mother and openly wonders what kind of sack lunches she would've made for him. that episode still fucks me up
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as of late I’ve been super unhappy and not sure if/when I’ll be actually happy and I feel like I’m not allowed to like, be in anyone’s lives until I’m happy
#deity dialogue#it’s just really lonely#this is paired with the loneliness of feeling like I don’t have anyone#I feel like I’m burdening everyone in my life by existing in theirs#it feels like people would be better off if I didn’t exist and it feels like all I do is being people down or bother them#and I don’t want to be that type of presence in peoples lives like I want to be wanted and to be someone that people want in their lives and#like having around but i don’t feel like anyone actually feels that way about me and it’s just really hard to like exist and be happy when I#aways feel this way#I’ve said before that I feel like I’m burdening others by existing and that I’m more of an obligation to people than I am a friend#it’s just tiring and lonely I feel like I’m overstepping and intruding on peoples lives by existing near them#I keep like making myself cry today#I want to be wanted and liked and loved and I want to try and like be a normal functioning person but it’s just getting harder to do that#I’m just really tired#I just feel like I shouldn’t exist but I don’t like get a say in that either there’s nothing I can do
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Yes you’re not fatphobic but are you capable of talking about fat people in a positive manner without saying somft/round/rotund/squishy/tumby/chumby/any other variation of the sort. Are you capable of talking about us in a positive manner without it being about beauty or attractiveness. Are you able to talk about fat people in general without being dehumanizing or infantilizing. Can you treat fat people with respect.
#disclaimer ofc that not every fat person feels this way. but i personally hate it sooo bad#and also disclaimer that ur ok to rb but the second someone clowns im taking away reblog and reply rights#like i think if youre talking about a fat person the same way youd talk about a fat cat you need to reconsider some things#tbh i see it more w characters than i do real people but its smth i Have seen happen and it drives me up the wall
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Birds of a Feather previous / next
#my art#feralnette au#birds of a feather#long tags#sorry I went apeshit in the tags#LETS SAY IT ALL TOGETHER NOW#I - M - A - G - OOOOOOOOO#its fun drawing marinette's back to Alya and having her appear stout and unstoppable and totally logical#and then you see her face and she's like two seconds from completely snapping and is keeping it together by a thread#as a note just because mari feels very certainly abt smth doesnt mean she's right. feelings can be valid and also irrational#in the throes of grief she decided it was better to be alone than to lose someone again so she started pulling away#and lila made pulling away very very very easy to do#shes also vaguely aware she's being unfair in pinning this on alya which is why she started spinning the drain on cockmoth again#legitimately all the shit that's happened to her wouldn't have been so catastrophic if he was never in the picture and she knows it#but the bitterness of her bestie choosing a fantastic liar over her at the worst of times stiiiiiings#alya's personal timing was bad but lila really took advantage of the fact that marinette had been acting off and weird#she basically clocked marinette as being unstable from SOMETHING and made up a lie about her#knowing she wouldn't have the strength to defend herself#between her social life going tachy bc of lila and losing fu in a way that felt like personhood death marinette was really put on the spot#and alya doing her thing of busting in there and assuming her bias is correct was a terrible combo#essentially marinette is highly unstable and alya is just realizing that#busting in and giving her a lecture when she's slightly hysterical and definitely delirious from exhaustion is NOT the way#to show her she's self sabotaging#cuz thats just gonna make her double down on self sabotaging. bc marinette will not accept that she is also a CHIIIIILD
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thinking about Nico adjusting to letting himself miss and long for the people he loves. based on these bits from the sun and the star:
" As Nico and Will followed the trogs, he thought about how much he missed Hazel. He was learning to make peace with that feeling. It was okay for him to miss people because that meant he wanted them around in his life. That idea was *very* new for him- he was used to either pushing people away or watching them recoil from his presence." *
" That was the most surreal thing of all... Was he happy? Nico wasn't very familiar with the sensation, but he couldn't deny that he felt wonderful in Will's presence. He even longed for the son of Apollo when they were apart. A funny thing had happened as the two grew closer: Nico suddenly understood all those cheesy, sappy love songs he'd always hated."
#its just. i like that they included that in the book yk. the fact that he prepared a certain distance between everyone#and thus isnt used to missing anyone#so its strange for him#this is probably set somewhere pre tsats just because i like to think it was one of the times he found himself missing and longing.#but it was one of the first times he actually allowed himself to feel that way.#took the feeling and held it instead of banishing it away#also yes letting himself unmask a bit#i like to think he just gets wayyy more expressive with his hands the more he heals#that and he unmasks more!!! more openly stimming!! more special interest rambles!!#just oughh.#anyways this was a huge comic to colour#big fuck you to tumblr who made posting soooo much harder#fuck u and ur updates tumblr#solangelo#pjo#percy jackson and the olympians#percy jackon and the olympians#nico di angelo#will solace#the sun and the star#trials of apollo#they borrow clothes from eachother its real in my head okay#nico canonally bought will a stupid shirt as a joke tho and i love that for them
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relapsed. relapsed. relapsed. the loumand/claudeleine bar scene is so fucking diabolical because what do you mean they're all sitting around smiling and laughing, talking about their blossoming lives together. What do you mean Cladeleine are growing flowers out of their victims remains. That Claudia has finally found the peace she deserves to go and let life and love carry her without fear. What do you mean Madeleine puts in plain words that Louis is in love with Armand, that she can feel it through him and subsequently, Armand's wondering if he does. Armand turning to smile at him, giving a gorgeous little laugh before kissing Louis cheek and standing from the table. "Why don't you want him to know how much you love him?" "he knows" as the joy slides off Armand's face and he steps out of the warmth he has forsaken.
#interview with the vampire#iwtv#char.txt#loumand#claudeleine#i think we should all die#like literally do you think about that louis is unable to voice love when he feels it#he tells armand he loves him in ep 4 but as he actually falls he shys away#and how to armand he thinks this is him pulling away. that louis loving him in the only way he knows how is a rejection like oh my gooooood#im gonna be SICK
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i think marinette is worse at resting when she's sick but adrien is worse at sitting things out if he's injured. i have no explanation, these are just the vibes
#ml#marinette dupain cheng#adrien agreste#okay i lied i do have justifications#adrien probably just. would love being taken care of if he's sick#it's maybe something his mom used to do but not ENOUGH#and marinette would absolutely spoil him#but marinette is all I AM FINE IT IS JUST A COLD I AM FINE meanwhile she nearly falls off a rooftop in a dizzy spell#but adrien hate being kept away from ppl he loves. hates not being able to protect them. and an injury is more long-term and isolating#meanwhile...idk marinette feels to me like an injurt would leave her more defeated. she'd feel like she failed somehow#like she is SUPPOSED to be ladybug she is SUPPOSED to keep herself together to keep the city safe#so i think that would take a lot of her energy she'd be frustrated about it yes but also sort of...admit defeat#adrien would find ways to cheer her up though 🥺
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Cannot believe this is a controversial opinion but if you cannot say or write out the words murder, killed, rape, death etc. then you are not mature enough to be discussing these subjects in the first place
#sorry i fucking hate this recent sanitization of the internet#saying silly shit like grape or unalive takes away the way serious subjects like is supposed to make you feel
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Why are you running?
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jiang yanli#jin zixuan#The ship between Jin Zixuan and Jiang Yanli is yuri. To me.#That whole tearful public confession? The way he immediately runs off? Yuriful.#Everyone going 'oh my god what' and 'hey why are you running off???' makes this chaotic scene even funnier.#He's going to just hide behind a tree a few meters away. They can still see his little hat poking out as he cries.#If I was JYL I would have started biting someone.#What do you *mean* the guy you once had feelings for but treated you poorly now says he likes you? What do you do with that information?#Is it character development? Is it worth letting your heart open up again? Is it a mistake to be vulnerable like that?#Not enough credit is given to the internal torment of shijie.#It really does feel like your world is spinning around when someone you did not expect to confess *does*.#This guy has a LOT to make up for though. I wouldn't take him back but I'm also too rational for my own good at times.
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Rising from the dead to share this painting and then disappear again
I have spent over 90 hours of my life on this thing because I have had the brain rot for the last 2 years of my life (almost 20 if you count when I first read the comics) and it had to express itself somehow
Hope this dramatic bitch feels appreciated
(A Dream of Morpheus, handmade egg tempera on panel, 12x18 inches...if by any chance you'll be at SDCC or Gen Con, I'll be at booth 934/936 at the first one and Art Show #13 at the second one - come see the original, maybe get a print, or just yell/cry about Sandman with me?)
And here, have some more details - I had fun combining some favorite elements from both the comic and the show ♡
#sandman#morpheus#dream of the endless#egg tempera#traditional art#do I tag all the little guys?#that seems clunky#anyway obviously lucienne was gonna be in there because what a glow-up#and jessamy bc we stan#and my potato blorbo the corinthian#and my love hoberto#I liked him already from the comic and then immaculate casting happened#dark haired desire because I'm old enough to get the nagel reference#and show!death because 1 I like her and 2 I started this way before The News but I feel like I made a good choice#bc stepping away from Girls Neil Thinks Are Hot can't be a bad thing rn#not that it's the girls who need to be stepped away from but you get me#heavyhanded shakespeare metaphor: the painting
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Can you draw something with Doom Patrol!Edwin and Netflix!Edwin?
Maybe something about Dp!Edwin talking about his feelings for Charles with N!Edwin?
It's just something I've been thinking of, make it a little angsty?<3
Glad you asked
ko-fi
#ask ask ask#dead boy detectives#dbda#payneland#edwin x charles#doom patrol#dead patrol#cw homophobia#i know there are a couple of people who enjoy my rambly tags so these are for u#first of all anon i'm sorry i used your request to continue my story lol#most of my comics are meant to be standalones BUT#the doom patrol and dead girl detectives are all happening in the same universe#and there is indeed series of events here!#this particular one is happening after dp!edwin's feelings were exposed but before they met the girls#with that out of the way#i know this is not as funny as most of my stuff#but dp!edwin's internalized homophobia is an important thign that can't just go away because his charles loves him back#and he does love him back! in this verse#dp!charles is the only one not struggling with his feelings for his partner#dbd!charles and charlotte still have ways to go#also dbd!edwin is in no way an expert in self-acceptance but he has learned some things#i considered having him mention simon but i decided it wasn't his place to out him#(even though he's dead u know)#so yeah what he says here isn't... great#he's still putting himself down and he's still not sure if his feelings for charles are actually a good thing#but he knows HE is glad he feels this way#because fuck it it's not like he'll go to hell for it#and even if he did... he would crawl his way out
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the machine.
a comic about being a 'creator' online.
creative notes:
#in light of recent online 'success' i feel like this may come off as ungrateful#just wanna say that all the comics i make in this series are written about experiences i felt in 2022#which was a rough year personally and creatively#and i very luckily don't feel this way anymore#and this also isnt to shame anyone who DOES feel this way#its easy to start to feel like all you are is a vending machine of art#and like thats all you are to people#theres nothing human to you#it can be a bit of a pit#and on some level this damage is self inflicted but social media really doesnt help that feeling#this wont work for everyone but having friends around you who you can talk to about stuff that ISNT art#going outside for dinner#maybe walking around#its good for when you need that feeling to go away even a bit temporarily#youre a human being#not a mindless content creation machine#and i hope anyone who feels like this now can get to a place where they have a healthier relationship with their own work#good luck to all of you#and thank you for reading#comic art#its 10pm#stillindigo art
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i'm in one of those phases where i really wish i believed in manifesting and spellcasting and things like that bc you know when you want something so bad you're literally praying for the universe to let it happen
#ramble#this is not me judging by the way i think it's cool as fuck i just don't do it personally#context: a lot of my 'dream jobs' are now just 'ways to make money that i might not absolutely hate'#but i have one (1) legit dream job and it's literally FINGERTIPS away from me right now#i feel like most people who know me can guess what it is and know how badly i want it#i'm not even letting myself daydream about it or talk about it too much because i'm so afraid of not getting it and being disappointed#and also i don't want to like. jinx it#i've tried so many times before but this is the closest i've ever been and i feel SICK i want to bite something
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I couldn't sleep so I drew some Pomnies shes surprisingly fun to draw lol Oh and some doomed yuri too I guess xD buttonblossom is cute n all but calling them doomed yuri or digital yuri is a lot funnier to me
#my art#the amazing digital circus#tadc#pomni#ragatha#tadc pomni#tadc ragatha#ragatha x pomni#pomni x ragatha#buttonblossom#jesterdoll#digital yuri#jesterdoll is cute too I wonder why this isnt the main ship name really-#Also headcanon that ragatha is goin to be oblivious af to pom's feelings even tho shes so hopelessly gay lol#Girl has massive low self esteem vibes and would prolly never think anyone would like her that way#like all the soft fics and art of them are cute I love it but lets be real these two would miscommunicate a fuck ton xD#like come on-#Constantly an inch away from a metal break down Pomni#and “how do you manage to stay positive- delusion” Ragatha#its a match made in miscommunication hell baby ;0c
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If you’re not Jewish/Muslim/Israeli/Palestinian and you are talking publicly in any way about the i/p conflict you should probably do your research about dog whistles and take that info seriously. It shouldn’t be up to affected groups to educate you while actively being triggered and traumatized.
It’s not fun to constantly worry if your friends secretly hate you or if they are sliding into antisemitic spaces or are ok with genocide as long is against the right group of people.
You aren’t free of antisemitism or Islamophobia just because you don’t sit around thinking, “I hate Jews/Muslims/Arabs.” This shit is structural. I don’t care how many Jews or Muslims or Arabs you know. If you haven’t actively deconstructed your own bias against these groups, you’re probably still hateful whether you realize it or not.
#not sorry#I dare a goy to reblog this challenge#antisemitism#leftist antisemitism#islamophobia#most of your Jewish friends probably think you’re one bad conversation away from cheering for our deaths#I’m not Muslim or Arab#but I wouldn’t be shocked id they feel the same way#goys do the work challenge
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