#autobot cake

[singingcicadas]

"Rodimus joining the Autobots in Autocracy and being supportive of Optimus makes no sense and is just an example of successful Autobot propaganda b/c he's been exposed to Autobot crimes his whole life and the Autobots forced him to bomb Nyon" will forever be a wild take to me cuz his complete reasoning process is pretty clearly spelled out in the comic? It's like, the main focal point of his entire screentime in Autocracy. For Rodimus there's never been any confusion about the perpetrator behind the "Autobot crimes". There’s Zeta’s crimes and there’s Orion. With a massive distinction between the two. With said distinction being extremely important, because one the first things he says to Orion is literally:

And why does he believe that Orion's different? Because of Orion's speech to the Senate.

Guess what was in that speech:

The origin of the Autobot name. Orion's idealized vision of the freedom and autonomy that the name was meant to represent. Rodimus knew what the true Autobot values were intended to be before the government took the name for their own purposes, and he identified with those values enough to straight up put his life into Orion's hands:

Not just his own life. Everyone in the Acropolex. Everyone in Nyon. Betting on nothing but Orion's conscience. Why would he do this if he didn't already believe Orion to be a good person worthy of a gamble on his trust? If he didn't believe that Orion still held true to his words in the Senate? He knows that Zeta's out for his blood, that Zeta cares nothing about his citizens except bleeding them dry. He's always known the true depths of government atrocities, he lived in the worst of it his whole life. It's why he wired the whole city with bombs as contingency, he always knew it would come down to something like this. But if he thought that Zeta and Orion were no different for their part in the "Autobot crimes", then why would he take Orion to the Acropolex, to see the most vulnerable suffering of their people, and expect him to care enough to side with them against his own government?

Even on the brink of being forced to destroy his own home he's still very aware of who's the real enemy here. After their meeting he's certain that Orion's Autobots are on his side, it was their diversion that bought them enough time to get himself and the few he could out of detonation range. Zeta wants to kill all of them; they're all victims here. Rodimus never blamed Nyon's destruction on anyone other than Zeta, least of all Orion's group.

Imo this... is a completely appropriate and empathetic response to Rodimus' grief? like he does make leadership sound all doom and gloom but it is an accurate reflection of Rodimus' feelings (as well as his own) and he's telling Rodimus that it's okay to feel that way b/c he feels like that too!

The "you faced an impossible situation" bit is just stating the plain truth. Orion isn't condoning or condemning Rodimus' decision, it's not his place to do so. He wasn't the one forced into making the choice, Rodimus was. Rodimus made his choice and now has to live with it. Orion could only offer understanding. like idk what else he could have said, it's not even his place to offer absolution, because even though Rodimus feels guilty he doesn't regret anything. When he defended himself to Bumblebee he used the exact same words Orion did: he did what he had to do.

If the trust he placed in Orion before in the Acropolex was a wild bid in the face of desperation, then the trust that he's placing in Orion now—admitting his guilt and grief, showing vulnerability—is purely of his own choice. To which Orion reciprocated by revealing the weight of his own burdens. This is the kind of interaction that friends share. Which means they're friends now. Is it so unreasonable for Rodimus to want to follow the leadership of a friend, someone whose speech against the Senate that he'd admired, someone who he believed to be different and proved himself as worthy of his trust, someone who he fought beside and saved each other's lives and shared his desire for peace?

Claiming that Rodimus would be averse against joining the Autobots due to their past complicity in crimes under Zeta is vastly misunderstanding his character b/c he's not the type of person who thinks like that. Like for one thing he'd never let historical grudges get in the way of progressing towards a better future (think Lost Light and Megatron). It also completely misses the point of his scene with Orion in the Acropolex, which is about believing the best in people and making the right choices going forward when presented with past mistakes. Also Rodimus isn't stupid he's well aware that Zeta's Autobot cause and Orion's Autobot cause are two completely different things. The first thing Optimus did after becoming Prime was to renounce the old government. Being an Autobot under Optimus would be restoring honour and integrity to the name. if anything that should come off as extra appealing to him cuz he likes restoring stuff like Cyberutopia and the Golden Age.

"Rodimus should join the Decepticons" makes even less sense. Rodimus does come onscreen as an established Decepticon sympathizer but if you think about it his contact with Decepticons is limited to them providing him with weapon supplies. It's a vendor-patron relationship and their goal is to overthrow the government with propaganda keywords being "freedom" "equality" "emancipation" of course he would be a sympathizer. It's a noble cause if looked at from afar. But once the events of Nyon happens he's suddenly forced to get all up and close with Megatron and his higher-ups. and what does he see.

This is how Megatron fought Zeta:

This is what Megatron did to Orion:

This is how Decepticons treat their allies, right after announcing public amnesty:

This is Megatron's opinion of Zeta, after everything he did:

This is Megatron's idea of entertainment:

After seeing all that, isn't it perfectly natural for Rodimus to arrive at this conclusion regarding Megatron and the Decepticons:

Oh my god I can't believe I ever trusted these thugs.

Now that he's seen for himself that the Decepticons are the opposite of freedom, Orion trying to arrest Swindle at the beginning of the comic would have made sense to him. He now gets why they were fighting the Decepticons so hard.

That's basically the whole thought process for Rodimus joining the Autobots. The logic's pretty sound. There's no "Autobot propaganda" involved anywhere. Rodimus was the one who sought Orion out to make him choose his side. Rodimus was the one who rescued the Autobots from Megatron. Rodimus was the one who asked to join. The Autobots never tried to recruit him.

[autobot2001]

Baking Class

Author: Autobot2001 Henre: Fanfiction Fandom: Transformers Rating: E Warnings: None Pairing: Drift X Jamie (OC) Description: Drift takes Jamie to the bakery for a baking class.

Day 15; @fluffyfebruary: craft @fluffbruary: cord | bakery | honey

Drift found out the local bakery is having a baking class. He’s worried that the class will be baking something Jamie doesn’t like, but he thinks it’ll be fun. Jamie still wants to go to the bakery, even though there are still cookies they bought two days ago.

The two go to the bakery at two the next day. There are three other couples joining the class. The class is making banana date cake with walnuts and honey glaze. “That sounds good,* Drift comments, “we can bring the cake home.”

The two follow the instructions. Putting the first six ingredients in the mixing bowl. Jamie plugs in the hand-held mixer, but it won’t turn on. The cord is damaged. “I’m sorry, but we don’t have another,” the instructor apologizes. The instructor is ready to offer a refund and coupon for another class, but their two students aren’t bothered by having to mix with a wooden spoon. It’s easy for Drift to mix with the wooden spoon.

Once everything is mixed, it’s time to mash bananas and chop the dates. Drift cannot keep Jamie from using her hands to mash the bananas. “Now your hands are a mess,” Drift comments, “go wash them. I’ll chop the dates.” Once the cakes are baking, everyone is dismissed for nintey minutes. By then, the cakes should be ready for glazing.

two hours pass, and everyone has a nice looking cake. Drift and Jamie want to wait until they get home and share with friends. First, the two get dinner.

Drift tries to get Jamie to talk about the class but is unsuccessful. He struggled not to let his mind worry about Jamie’s mental health and why conversation is challenging for her.

When the two get home, they share the cake with their friends. Only two of the eight slices remain, but only because Drift and Jamie shared a slice. The two want to save one slice for Lightning. “So, who do I fight for the last slice?” Sideswipe asks. “No one, that is Drift and Jamie’s,” Sunstreaker argues. Everyone liked the cake and hope Drift and Jamie will make it again.

[fenesst]

Swiss roll and custard :)

[random-fandom1984]

MASTER LIST

Request are open!

ALLOWED:

●Fluff ●Yandere ●Angst ●Crossovers ●Character x Reader ●Character x Character ●References to other fandoms ●Comfort ●Headcanons ●Reader/Character from one dimension/universe getting sent to a different one (tfp x tfa, trollhunters x zak storm, etc)

●others to be added

NOT ALLOWED:

●NSFW ●Pedophilia ●Incest ●Certain sensitive topics (rape, abuse, etc) ●Other's OC's (I don't have the confidence to do that)

FANDOMS

Transformers

Tfa:

General: - Predacon! Reader in TFA

Optimus Prime - Wattpad Story: Deadly Voice - Yandere! TFP! & TFA! Optimus x Chubby! Gn Reader Ratchet Prowl Bumblebee Bulkhead Jazz Jettwins Ultra Magnus Megatron Starscream (+clones) Lugnut Blitzwing Blackarachnia/Elita-1 Grimlock Wreck-Gar Soundwave Longarm Prime/Shockwave - All It Takes Is A Potion to Show How Much I'm Obsessed With You Wasp/Waspinator

Tfp:

Optimus Prime - Yandere TFP! & TFA! Optimus x Chubby! Gn Reader Ratchet Arcee Cliffjumper Smokescreen Bumblebee - Bumblebee x SG! Cybertronian Reader Bulkhead Wheeljack Ultra Magnus Megatron - Decepticons Meets Sparklings Starscream - Decepticons Meets Sparklings Soundwave - Decepticons Meets Sparklings Shockwave - Decepticons Meets Sparklings Predaking - Decepticons Meets Sparklings 5t3v3(Steve) - Decepticons Meets Sparklings Knockout - Decepticons Meets Sparklings Breakdown - Decepticons Meets Sparklings Dreadwing - Decepticons Meets Sparklings Arachnid Unicron

Tfe

Optimus - Sparklings Megatron - Sparklings Bumblebee - Sparklings Elita-1 - Sparklings Soundwave - Sparklings Shockwave - Sparklings Tarantulas - Sparklings Terrans(PLATONIC ONLY) Swindle Starscream

Tfg1

Optimus Prime - Calling Optimus Prime Dad Prowl Jazz Bumblebee Ratchet Megatron Starscream Skywarp Thundercracker Reflector Soundwave - Soundwave x Cybertronian Reader Part 1 Shockwave Grimlock Unicron Other Autobots and Decepticons

Tfbw

Optimus Primal Rattrap Rhinox Cheetor -His Sea Goddess (Cheetor x Cybertronian Reader with an Octopus alt-mode) Dinobot Megatron Tarantulas Waspinator

Tfrid2015

Bumblebee Sideswipe Strongarm Fix-it Grimlock Drift Steeljaw Thunderhoof Fracture Underbite Saberhorn

TF1

Orion Pax/Optimus Prime D-16/Megatron B-127/Bumblebee Elita-1 Starscream Soundwave Shockwave Sentinel Prime

LEGO MONKIE KID

Mk Mei Red Son Jin & Yin Spider Queen Azure Lion Macaque Sun Wukong Nezha Syntax Huntsman Goliath (Strong Spider) Peng Lady Bone Demon Not Mayor

ZAK STORM

Zak Storm (PLATONIC ONLY) Cece Crogar Clovis (PLATONIC ONLY) Caramba (PLATONIC ONLY) Calabrass (PLATONIC ONLY) Golden Bones

Trollhunters/3Below/Wizards

Angor Rot Gunmar Bular Aaarrrgghh Blinky (Blinkous) Nomura Draal Krel Tarron & Aja Tarron (PLATONIC ONLY) Varvatos Tronos Madu Zadra Zeron Alpha Nari Skrael Bellroc

Cookie Run Kingdom

Gingerbrave (PLATONIC ONLY) Wizard Cookie (PLATONIC ONLY) Strawberry Cookie (PLATONIC ONLY) Custard Cookie Ⅲ (PLATONIC ONLY) Chili Pepper Cookie Licorice Cookie Poison Mushroom Cookie (PLATONIC ONLY) Dark Choco Cookie Red Velvet Cookie Pomegranate Cookie Dark Enchantress Cookie Pure Vanilla Cookie White Lily Cookie Hollyberry Cookie Golden Cheese Cookie Dark Cacao Cookie Princess Cookie (PLATONIC ONLY) Knight Cookie (PLANTONIC ONLY) Caramel Arrow Cookie Crunchy Chip Cookie Affogato Cookie Captain Caviar Cookie Black Pearl Cookie/White Pearl Cookie Shadow Milk Cookie Mystic Flour Cookie

Others to be added

Adventure Time: Fionna & Cake

Fionna Cake (PLATONIC ONLY) Gary Marshall Lee Scarab Prismo Simon (PLATONIC ONLY) Marceline (Vampireworld version) Bonnibell Bubblegum (Vampireworld version)

WHEN REQUESTING (More rules will be added later):

●Include the fact whether or not your request is platonic or romantic; If romantic, is Y/n or character in a relationship, and if not, who is the romantic interest(s)?

●Give me some of the plot of what you're thinking for your request. If you don't, and I don't know what you want it to be about, or I can't think of what to make up- Example:

Optimus x Reader. Angst. Reader is male.

I don't know what the plot should be, or what it should involve. Like, if it's good enough that I can think of what it could be, then yeah, sure, but that will be a rare chance with me. But if it's like this- Example:

Aaarrrgghh x Reader. Comfort. Basically, the reader has had a bad day at work/school, and the two of them just cuddle and enjoy the silence in each other's arms, slowly falling asleep.

Then I will be able to think of how it can go because you gave me what you want to include in your request, but now how, I will be able to get behind that.

● I can make the reader be based off of another character, like- Examples:

-Vox! Reader in Trollhunters

-Reader as Ratchet's little sister in Transformers: Generation 1

Anything! Whatever you want as long as it's allowed.

●If your request involves something that isn't allowed, then it will be ignored.

That's everything for now! Request away!

[lomlhwa]

you're such a nerd (j.ww)

pairing: tutor!wonwoo x student!reader

preview: you really need to pass biology so you asked your teacher to hook you up with a tutor. now, he didn't expect you to literally hook up with your tutor. how could you not? he looks so cute in his glasses.

tags/warnings: fem reader, some biology terms, reader is kinda obsessed with wonu's glasses, voice kink on the reader's part, praise, pet names (baby, baby girl, baby cakes, good girl) academic rewarding, light choking, like one spank, semi-public sex, unprotected penetration (wrap it before you tap it), m & f orgasm

trigger warnings: n/a

wc: 1.4k

song recs for this fic: light a flame by seventeen, kiss me if you can by the boyz, die for you by the weeknd

a/n: can you tell i have a thing for men in glasses? you'll be able to tell as soon as you start reading this fic. also every time i wrote about those roll-y chairs my brain went "AUTOBOTS, ROLL OUT"

then….

“mr. kim i really need to pass your class. are there any students you could hook me up with to tutor me?” you gave your professor your very best puppy dog eyes.

you’re borderline failing this man’s class. a class you need to pass to get your degree. a class you willingly signed up for and you pay money for.

“yeah there is. wait here” he walks away into his office. you hear him pick up his landline phone and dial a number. you take a seat on one of the stools at the counter. 

“he’s on his way. we’ll wait for him.”

about 15 minutes pass before a tall, nerdy looking boy bursts through the door. he almost tumbles over, the handful of books in his hands almost toppling out. he’s adorable. but the cutest thing about him is his circle glasses that he’s pressed back up his nose at least three times already. 

“you said you want me to tutor a student, mr. kim?” he sounds out of breath. did he run all the way here from his dorm? “yes. this is y/n. she’s failing this class and wants some help” your teacher turns to you. “y/n, this is your tutor.” your new tutor waves at you.

“hi, i’m wonwoo. jeon wonwoo.” 

god, his voice. you’re gonna love being his student.

now….

“wonwoo, i don’t get this” you hold up your worksheet to your tutor. over the past couple weeks, you could say you’ve grown close with him. quite close.

“okay, put your listening ears on baby cakes” he rolls his chair over to you. his unhooks his glasses from the collar of his shirt, sliding them up his beautiful nose. 

“so, a chromosomal mutation is a mutation involving a long segment of dna. these mutations can involve deletions, insertions, inversions, or translocations of sections or segments of dna” you nod, trying your best to pay attention. “...and in some cases, deleted portions may attach to other chromosomes, disrupting both the chromosomes losing the dna and the one gaining it.” you nod again, the movement being so mindless.

“you won’t pass bio if you keep zoning out like that. i just explained chromosomal mutation and you weren’t listening. that was your one shot, baby girl” he flicks you lightly on the forehead before rolling away again. 

“no no no, one more time wonwoo” you roll yourself over to him and pull him back to your desk. he rolls his eyes and playfully tries to pull himself away from you. “i already explained it to you though” you manage to pull him back and he pouts. 

“one last time” you push your worksheet towards him. “explain it differently this time. like a chromosomal mutation remix” you giggle. 

“ugh okay so, chromosomal mutations can result from errors in dna replication during cell division, exposure to mutagens or a viral infection” you nod, actually listening this time. watching his plump lips move helped you really listen in. “...and chromosome abnormalities often happen due to errors during dividing of sex cells, meiosis or errors during dividing of other cells, mitosis.” 

“okay, now do your worksheet” he slides it back over to you. you expect him to roll away from you, but he doesn’t. he hovers next to you, inspecting your answers. you don’t notice at first, but his hand slowly trails up your thigh.

when you finally realize, it’s because it slides all the way back down to your knee. you erase your previously written answer and try something else. it must’ve been right because his hand moved up again. you figured out his system. 

wrong answer? hand back down at the knee. right answer? hand moves up and under your tennis skirt. 

you finally get to the last question; a question about the cause of chromosome abnormalities. unfortunately, you’re blanking at what wonwoo told you. his hand had fully come up to your core and he had been playing with your clit over your panties for the past 10 minutes. your brain was becoming hazy. 

“i taught you this less than an hour ago, baby girl. if you get this right, i’ll let you cum. come on, it’s the last question” your breathing hitched and you nod. you focus in and try and remember the answer. you write down your answer and wonwoo pounces on you. 

he mashes your lips together in a rough, sloppy kiss. he licks over your bottom lip and you open your mouth instinctively. a loud whine leaves your throat as his hand keeps it’s ministrations going.

“cum for me baby. you did so well” his mouth leaves yours and trails wet kisses all over your throat. he breathes heaving in your ear, his other hand coming up to push his glasses up.

“please, ah, please keep talking” you whine, shifting uncomfortably in your chair. “i need your voice.” he smirks at you. he knew his voice was nice. but the fact that it’s helping you get off? that was amazing to him.

“come on, baby girl. you deserve it. you’re doing so well for me. my good, sweet girl”  the mix of his heavy breathing, his sweaty musk and his words sends you over the edge. your hand flies down to his wrist to slow him down. “there you go, that’s it. that’s my good girl.” 

you lean your head back on the chair, catching your breath. he picks you up out of your chair, flipping you around and bending you over. the coldness of the desk on your arms shocks you and you jolt a little. 

“god, baby. you look so pretty in your little skirt” he says as he flips it up. he takes his glasses off and places them on the table. “no no no, please, keep them on. you look so good with them on” you beg. “you can’t even see me” he laughs. you hand them back to him, turning at the waist to glance at him. “just do it.”

he slides his glasses back up his nose and sighs. he pulls your panties down to your mid-thighs. he pulls his pants down the same length on his own legs. “i would really like to have you screaming my name, but we are kind of in public. i’m gonna need you to be quiet.” 

out of nowhere, he plants a hard spank on your now exposed ass. you squeal, your hand coming up to cover your mouth. “knew you’d like that, baby” he teases. he palms his length and teases your hole with his tip. 

he rests his hands on your hips as he pushes into you, his pelvis meeting with your ass. he lets out a deep breath, one of his hands falling on the desk next to your ribs. “fuck, my god baby girl” his voice is low and it makes you clench tightly around him. 

he drags out of you slowly before slamming back into you, your ass jiggling at the contact. your arms weaken almost instantly, laying down onto the table. wonwoo reaches around you and rips open your button-up shirt, the buttons popping off and scattering all over the floor. 

“wonwoo!” you cry out. “sorry, baby. i got impatient” he digs his fingers into your hips and sets a steady pace. his fingers are sure to leave marks on your skin. marks you’ll be admiring for days in the mirror. 

he presses your head into the desk. your mouth hangs open, drool pooling next to your face. your eyes roll into the back of your head repeatedly. 

“what can chromosomal mutations involve?” he says suddenly. “what?” you pant. “what can chromosomal mutations involve? give me the right answer and i’ll let you cum” he attaches the pad of his pointer finger to your clit, speeding up your oncoming orgasm. “oh my god uh” you pause to rack your brain for the answer. 

as your orgasm threatens to crash down on you, you blurt out the answer. “mutations can involve deletions, insertions, inversions, or translocations of sections or segments of dna” you cry out, your orgasm causing you to twitch on the table. “fuck fuck fuck, good girl” he pulls out of you, letting his orgasm spill onto your skirt. 

you pick your head up off the table and wipe the drool off the side of your face. “y’know, when you asked mr. kim to hook you up with a tutor, he didn’t mean for you to hook up with your tutor” he pulls your panties back up your legs and flips your skirt back down. 

“you got the last question wrong by the way” he nods towards your paper. “but by then, i couldn’t keep it in my pants” he kisses your drooly lips, smiling at you. “what the fuck, wonwoo.”

“sorry, baby cakes. do it again and maybe we’ll go for round two.” 

© lomlhwa 2023

[cozzzynook]

For the Angsty Starbee ask. I can only image the very confused look Megatron has when he sees the Seeker's return from their 'raid'

Thundercracker is mostly un-harmed save for a few dents while Skywarp is head to toe covered in cake, engex and has a few deep wounds but a pleased overjoyed look on his face.

Starscream hasn't returned yet and the only answer the other seekers have given him is that 'He's on his honeymoon', Strange Megatron didn't know his SIC had a conjunx.

This is hilarious.

Star finally comes back months later with a happy conjunx in his arms and the large pile of data work he’d completed and up to date info he asked, yes actually asked, Soundwave to send him. Gives it to Megatron, tells him this is his conjunx Bee who will be staying with him and his trine who is no longer an autobot but not a decepticon and just goes off to the seeker quarters to introduce him to the other fliers.

Megs is looking so disturbed and shocked because one, thats Optimus Primes son and two, Starscream came in wearing feminine jewels and silks with a conjunx that WAS OBVIOUSLY OPTIMUS PRIMES SON!!!

Soundwave has to catch Megatron when he faints lol

[spikezonebby]

Hi again, sorry i mess it i hope it is right now ^^, a request for song fics could you with tfp optimus prime with the song Shawn Mendes, Camila Cabello - Señorita with a fem!human!reader, genre to Romance?

Senorita - TFP!Optimus Prime/Fem!Human!Reader

Word count: 1,672

Your first meeting had actually been entirely an accident. Optimus knew some humans had an affinity for vehicles, and you were one of them. Even a Prime can only take so much fawning over his grill, rims, or decals before he gets flustered and ends up blowing his cover.

That set the tone pretty well for how your entire relationship with Optimus was going to go. The other Autobots treated their leader with all the grace and dignity deserved of a Prime, but you never let the great title dictate how you treated Optimus. You weren’t ever afraid to speak your mind or ask questions. You questioned his commands, not to undermine him but to genuinely understand and clarify. 

You seemed to find everything Optimus said fascinating, and when he’d watch you he could see the inner gears of your mind chugging along. Picking apart his words and always seeming to know exactly what was on his mind, even when he himself wasn’t entirely sure. You were the probing sort, someone Ratchet often found meddlesome and too-like Miko, but there was a grace to your inquiries. 

Optimus was, perhaps, somewhat shy to admit that he liked it when you asked about his past. Especially when you would ask about the moments that weren’t so great or grave, like his walk home in the evenings from the Hall of Records or his favorite small pleasures. There was something warm, familiar, even humbling to the idea that your two lives weren’t too different.

You used to work at a bookstore and did its inventory, spending hours organizing piles upon piles of books. He would spend cycles listening and sorting through videos and audio files to archive them in their appropriate places. You’d stop on your way home and get a donut and coffee. He’d occasionally indulge and get himself a slice of chrome-alloy cake.

Optimus did not consider himself a poet, nor any other kind of lyrical savant, but he would describe the closeness he felt to you as… magnetic. He found his gaze drawn to you in the room, your laugh made his spark skip in his chassis, and even the persistent hum of the matrix seemed more at ease around you. 

He wondered if, maybe, you knew what you did to him. It certainly seemed like you knew when you’d come close to him and lay on the lower portion of his chassis, just beneath his windshield. It seemed like you knee when you’d find a quiet moment to rest with him in his seldom-used quarters, your whole tiny body level with his face. For someone who could fit in the palm of his servo, you liked to make your physical presence known and tangible. 

He couldn’t say he minded. In fact, that was a thing that brought quite a bit of distress to the poor Prime’s mind in the moments that should be peaceful. The longer he knew you, the more enthralling the pull became. He found himself wondering if you’d hate it if he curled his servo around you, cupping you between his digits like a treasure. He thinks about the scent of your skin and the warmth of your body, should you finally close the distance between them.

You were human. You were fragile. Leaders weren’t built to have fragile things, but protect them regardless.

But he still wanted you. Enough to forgo the logical sense he had to distance himself and instead, let you keep invading his space and his mind. He couldn’t bring himself to stop this.

Not when you invited yourself into his quarters, shimmied your way up to the space on his berth right beside his neck cables and jaw, and built your own little nest of blankets and pillows there. Not when you had so much faith in him, and talked to him about all of the soft things he thought they’d killed in this war.

“That’s Neocybex, right?” You ask, snuggled up beside his audial as he laid on his back, both of you looking on up at the data pad he had in his servos. He pauses in his scrolling through, balancing the stylus in his grip as he tilts the data pad further for you to read.

“Some of it is. Other parts, like here,” He scrolls down, “Are Primal Vernacular.”

“A different dialect or a different language wholly?”

“Neither. Primal Vernacular was the predecessor of the Neocybex all Cybertronians came to speak in modern times. When I was given the Matrix of Leadership and all of its knowledge, I was also gifted the ability to speak and read this ancient Cybertronian language. I find it easier, sometimes, to take notes in.”

You sit up a little, bracing yourself with a hand on his cheek vent. “So you’re the only one that knows how to speak it?”

“Most likely.” Optimus admits, somewhat sullen, “Even before the war, it was considered a dead language on Cybertron. Transcriptions existed of people speaking the language but as Neocybex became more common, it simply was lost to time.”

You hum, and leaning this close to them, he can feel the way the small sound rumbles up through your chest.

“Teach me. At least a word or two. Something I can remember.”

“You wish to learn Neocybex? I do not know if your organic vocalizer can reproduce the sound.”

“No, no! Primal Vernacular! The letters almost remind me of… Arabic. That’s a human language so, surely I can wrap my head around some of that.”

His spark warms at that, your enthusiasm contagious. It couldn’t hurt to attempt it, it would be a good excuse to brush up on his own pronunciation.

“Ṣdyq,” He begins. “It means ‘friend.’ And if you begin it with Rjl, it becomes ‘brother.’”

“Oh so it has different rules than Earth’s version of Arabic.”

“Yes. It is fascinating, is it not? That humans have taken such an old language and made it their own?”

“Yeah, it’s kind of nice in a way. Makes things feel less…” You fish around in your thoughts for the proper word, then hum. “Lonely. Yeah. So… Rjl… Ṣdyq… means ‘brother.’ How do you say ‘sister,’ then?”

Optimus’ lip plates quirk into the shallow shape of a smile, spark warmed by your botched attempt to match his pronunciation. 

“The translations of the words are different based on their cultural meanings. Cybertronians are very rarely forged with siblings, so ‘brother’ means something closer to ‘ally.’ A feminine version of the word didn’t appear until very late, when femmes started to become more prominent. It was very rarely used though, mostly due to the… intimate implications of the word. I once listened to an interview with a linguist on the matter and he theorized that it was coined initially by Megatronus Prime of the Thirteen, as a term of endearment Solus Prime. It’s ‘Ạmrạ̉ẗ Ṣdyq.’”

Now that has you fascinated.  Optimus often chose his words carefully, using them as a tool for peace and command just as often as he used his own two servos. With you, conversation came easier. Optimus only had a select few people whom he knew and trusted to allow him to talk so easily.

You stood up, keeping one hand against his jaw as you walked around him. He could feel you use him to steady your steps as you hoisted yourself up onto his neck cables. You were so light he hardly felt the pressure at all. Instinctively his servo came down to gently cup behind your back, fearing you might fall off.

“What are you doing?” He asks, but he doesn’t sound irritated. Worried maybe, curious mostly.

“I want to see the way your mouth moves when you say those words.”

It’s an innocent goal, he insists it is. A request to turn on his first level of cooling fans pops up on his HUD view. He almost denies it, then worries that he might grow too warm for you to touch. In the end he does allow them to kick on and wholly misses the way it makes you smirk.

“Come on, boss. Say ‘em.” You coax, resting your folded arms against his chin, “Please?”

Optimus looks down past his nose, examining your face as his fans cycle a little faster. Right, it would be rude to refuse you whatever small teaching aid he could offer. Even if it was unorthodox.

“Ṣdyq.” He says. You lean forward a bit, watching the way his lips move with every sound. “‘Friend.’”

“Uh-huh.”

“Rjl Ṣdyq.” You reach out and trail your tiny fingers across his bottom lip. Optimus loses his train of thought.

“Which means?” You prompt him, feigning forgetfulness.

“Ah, ‘ally.’” He can see the way you bounce a little when he swallows the thick lump forming in the back of his intake.

“Cool, cool.” When had you gotten so close to him? And it didn’t seem like you minded at all as you even used his servo balancing you from behind to boost yourself up and lay across the flat plane of his chin. 

He says your name softly. His data pad is forgotten in favor of clutching onto the tarp and padding on the berth beneath him.

“And what’s the last one?”

“Ạmrạ̉ẗ Ṣdyq,” When had he started to feel so breathless? Like his fans weren’t cycling enough air.

“Mmmhm… I like that one. There’s something about the way you say it. Say it again, please?”

“Ạmrạ̉ẗ Ṣdyq,” He says again, just so he can hear the joy on your voice when you giggle, “Ạmrạ̉ẗ Ṣdyq. And it means– mhm?”

Before he can even finish his statement, your small, warm lips press to his bottom lip, silencing him quicker and easier than even the sound of blaster fire. His servo cups closer behind you and he knows he should stop this, he knows he doesn’t deserve this, but you make it so, so clear you want to give it to him.

And in the end… who was he to deny his Ạmrạ̉ẗ Ṣdyq?

[sparklingpax]

do you guys remember that one ad where megatron excitedly announces that he loves pounding the autobots. and pound cake

[sinning-23]

My Latest crush is an alien car from space Pt.3

Yall is eating this UPPP (rise of the mirage simps lmao) and I appreciate that so so much! Thank you all for the 300+ followers that's insane! Also, the taglist got bigger too! I got yall don't even worry about it lol. Anywho, there's a fuck ton of tension in this one and in the final part, I think yall know what's going diz-ownnnnn (alexa play pony by genuine) Let me know if you'd like to be added to the taglist!

(Heres the link to pt.2 luv)

(Heres the FINALE)

Without further ado, ENJOY! (this one is a little short but pt.4 will be kinda lengthy)

Pt.3 

Gimmie one margarita imma…

He was far taller than Mirage, robotic features more stressed-looking than anything. And before either you Noah or Mirage could protest, he pick you up by your shirt, your hands reaching to flatten your skirt. There was about a 99% chance you’d just flashed both Noah and Mirage. 

The larger bot who you assumed was named Prime scans you, and soon his voice sends shivers down your spine. 

“Who are you?” 

The question is simple really but knowing you and the fact that he just picked you up with no kind of manners makes you slightly more irritable in your answer. Maybe you were a little butt hurt Mirage didn’t volunteer this information about there being other to you but know him he’d probably just say ‘You never asked!’ With that stupid, pretty, dumb, adorable look on his faceplates.

“I’m not answering anything because you just picked me up and expected me to give you answers. That’s rude first of all. Mirage, come get him-” You huff, seeing the larger bot raise a brow in response and look at the silver and blue-clad Autobot.

Mirage only chuckles nervously, removing you from Prime’s grasp, and putting his hands up in defense. You’d been only a tinnny bit aggressive when you’d met a couple days ago so why he expected you to be all peaches and cream with Optimus somewhat interrogating you, he had no idea. 

“Listen, had another tiny setback. I promise this one isn’t always so…fussy. She’s cool. Cross my spark.” He explains nervously, seeing Prime's optics narrow. This mf just called you fussy? Like a damn infant??? 

You go to speak out, but the depth sounding in Prime’s vocalizer makes you freeze. 

“You seem to have no concept of that undercover means. How you’ve landed in this predicament twice still baffles me” Prime sighs, looking back down at you. 

You’d managed to take refuge behind Mirage, still embarrassed by the fact that you were almost 100% sure he got a glimpse of your panties. Despite the garage being empty yesterday, it obviously had some other tenants who hadn’t a clue in the world you existed until now. This was way outta your league. Robots and 3 more of them at that, were far too overwhelming and you’d be damned if you wound up in the middle of some cyber bullshit.

Sure you liked Mirage, his personality and kind of play boyish looks made you swoon MAYBE a little bit….but from the looks of it, there were already girls like that back where he lived, hell one of them was just standing behind Prime while he chewed out Mirage…..AND WHY WAS SHE KINDA CAKED UP? That was beside the point though, they already had one human (Noah), and Prime wasn't looking for any extras (you) from what it looked like. 

Taking your chance to escape, you grab your purse and slide out of the garage quietly. The others were going from somewhat scolding Mirage to discussing a plan for something you didn’t quite care about at the moment. The best option was to disengage and maybe things could go back to normal! You could pack up for your apartment. Go back to work, maybe you’d do something with mechanics after this instead of nursing all day? You pop your AirPods in and press shuffle. 

It was getting late but there was just enough sun to find you a spot to wait for an Uber home. You’d talk with Mirage later, it looked like he had other priorities. Speaking of which, what was that whole interaction??? You shake the thought away, that moan replaying in your mind. This was so wrong.

Your heart beats faster at the thought of how he seemed to melt under you, his servos hovering over your hips, wanting to touch but being so unsure. The way his otic seemed to be hazy and the way his fan picked up in speed. You run your hands down your face and sigh, definitely feeling like a drink would be the best option….speaking of which, you never did get your night out.

_______________

It didn’t take long before Mirage realized you weren’t behind him. You’d obviously hightailed it during Optimus’s scolding and slipped past him like a thief in the night. Part of him knows you’re capable of handling yourself but the other half knows it’s not safe, especially now that you both have been formally introduced. And with what Arcee had reported, Brooklyn wasn’t getting any safer.

Apparently, a few more terrorcons had made their way back and we’re trying to do a bit of avenging considering Optimus ended Scourge rather brutally. In all, Mirage wasn’t one for the violence but when it came to helping his friends and the ones he loved, he’d set that aside for the best. 

Anyway, he didn't want you going anywhere without him, a sense of more or less responsibility for you washing over him. It was more of a protective feeling than anything, wanting to be the one to save you and keep you safe no matter what. The thought of you thanking him as your hero makes him weak. You knew what you were doing, touching him like that. He still couldn't get over the fact that you claimed it was for science….bullshit. The feeling was quickly becoming addictive and the longer you spent together the more he wanted you…fat chance. 

________ 

Remixed renditions of Kesha songs blast through the clubs' speakers as you and your girls dance the night away. You each took about 3 shots to get your blood pumping and your closest friend was about to make it 4. Your body moves on its own, bass filling your chest as you catch any and all ass your friends decide to throw. You took pictures and posted them on your story and everything seemed good!...sorta. The last of your worries should be some cyber alien crush that isn't even here right now…you can't help but let your mind drift.

A wave of…what was that guilt? Washes over you as you take a break from the dance circle, alerting your girls that you be ‘going to the bathroom’ a lie of course. Maybe this wasn't a good idea? Part of you felt kinda committed to Mirage. Before you could make it down the hall past all the commotion, a pair of hands are warm against your hips. Whoever it is… they're tall. The faint smell of motor oil fills your senses and you whip around to see a pretty good-looking stranger with eyes blue as the damn sky smirking at you. 

“Where you going, mamas?” He questions, moving his hips side to side playfully with the rhythm of the music.

You can't help but giggle. Something about him was so.. comfortable and fun and familiar, and so so so damn charming! He's smiling right back at you freckles somewhat adorning his face as his curly black hair falls over his eyes. He looks mixed, more so Hispanic or Latino and black. Blue eyes were odd though, but it didn't matter because, at the end of the day, this man looked like he'd won the genetic lottery.

Soon enough, you're back on the floor the cheers of your homegirls reaching your ears and you shake your head. This was just some spontaneous dude that just HAPPENED to catch you before you made it to the bathroom, not like you really needed to go anyway. He sways you, pulling a few cheesy dance moves here and there but it is enough to make you giggle. The previous song soon is chopped and screwed and transitioned to what sounded like a reverbed version of ‘Streets’.

Either way, the air had changed while people, couples or otherwise began finding space on the floor to dance up on one another. He didn't say much, spinning you slowly just before pulling your body to his gently. You may talk a lot of game, but you'd never danced with someone like this, let alone be so close. The feeling of his front pressed to your back makes you weak, the feeling sinking lower and lower as he holds each of your hips.

“Cálmate mama’s. You know I got you right?” He hums, your body relaxing a bit as you find the rhythm again, rolling your body with his to test the waters

That voice was so familiar….you ignore it, thinking it must the alcohol. There was no way he could…could he?

You didn't care, letting your head roll back and rest against his shoulder, your bodies synching with each other, his touch never feeling forced or aggressive. It's soft, kind, and almost loving...like he just wants to be able to feel your warmth, know the way you move. You work up the courage to speak, voice small, almost nervous. 

“I didn't catch your name stranger.”You state, hoping his response would answer your question.

If this was really him, then there was no reason to feel bad about how up close and personal this was getting. 

“You know my name, pretty girl. Kinda rude of you to walk out on me don't you think? You're lucky Noah was able to see where you were at based on your story.” He reveals, making you smile. 

So it was him but how? Some kind of alien car tech you didn't know about? You didn't care, he was here and you were ACTUALLY holding him somehow. 

“I'm sorry, looked like that meeting was important.” You explain, pressing against him more now, his grip tightening when you did, a hiss escaping his lips. 

“It was but when I noticed you’d left I panicked a little. Noah told me where to find you and I knew I couldn't just waltz in. I'm parked outback, this is just a holoform.” He explains, flashing that stupid smile. 

“So that's what this is, you look good 'Rag. Not the first time you've done this I'm assuming. You're far too good of a dancer.” You joke hearing gasp in faux hurt. 

“Wowww it's like that lil mama? You're breakin' my spark.” He chuckles, pressing into you, making a gasp escape your throat.

You felt it…holy shit it was right against you, the miniskirt not helping at ALL, in fact, any more friction and he'd be right against your panties. The grip on your hips is only making you hot and his voice so close to your ear isn't helping. He smirks against the skin of your neck and takes the risk of kissing there. Another gasp, only this time it was more or less a whine. 

“I'm not doing anything else until you tell me I got the green light. We both know this tension can only build for so long ‘til one of us breaks and I'm for damn sure about to fall apart if I can't taste you soon.” He admits, his voice trembling slightly when he speaks.

He was right though. The last 2 days had been filled with nothing but flirting, touching, and teasing and before you were so rudely interrupted in the garage earlier you were sure you were closer and closer to giving head. The music is still playing and most of your girls had given the two of you space to ‘dance’ a couple texting you to let you know where they were in case you needed them. It was definitely time to leave because any longer in this dark little corner of the club and you'd be trying to peel your clothes off. 

He can practically feel your begging to lose any sense of morals, a few drink making your brain only a little foggy. That’d ware off by time you made it back home if you played your cards right. Turning to face him you cant help but let your eyes drift to his lips. 

“You gonna let me ride?” You hum, lips pressed to his neck.

___________________________________________________________

Aweeee shit the perfect set up for pt.4 cause in the words of miss Megan thee stallion... we finna ride that dik like a stolen car HAHAAAA

No-so-mini-Taglist: @gniteruirui @veggiepizzababy @panty-h03 @justmare @merpmederp @rainbowpr1sm @mad-simp420 @insane-scientist

[transformers-mosaic]

Transformers: Beast Wars - Second Chances - Page 4

Originally posted on February 2nd, 2011

Story - Mike Priest Art - Jeffrey Witty Colours - Jenny Son Letters - HdE

deviantART

wada sez: This was originally meant to be Page 5, with some of the later Waspinator stuff moved earlier. As envisioned by Mike Priest, all of the pages for the comic would have individual titles, but only he seemed to like this idea and none of them made it into the final product. He gave this page the title “Eternal Too”, a reference to the fact that this entire story is an expansion of his previous Mosaic one-shot, “Eternal”. See below for the original script and an early sketch by Witty, along with Mike’s “Writer Spotlight”.

Beast Wars: Second Chances- Page 5

“Eternal Too”

By Mike Priest

-

(FIRST PANEL- Depthcharge’s hand slaps down on wet sand; he’s just pulled himself from the ocean.)

(SECOND PANEL- A full side-view of Depthcharge, on his hands and knees crawling from the surf- wet, caked with dirt, seaweed hanging from parts of his body…we cannot see his chest.)

DEPTHCHARGE: G-geh…

(THIRD PANEL- Close-up of Depthcharge’s head, looking down at the sand, in confusion.)

DEPTHCHARGE: Huh…how?  I-I…thought…

(FOURTH PANEL- Depthcharge whirls and looks behind him in a panic, having heard a voice.  We still can’t see the front of his chest.)

RAMPAGE: (Dialogue bubble unlinked, border color differs) Well…THIS is certainly interesting.

DEPTHCHARGE: (Enraged) X!  WHERE ARE YOU??

(FIFTH PANEL- Depthcharge, horrified expression as he looks down at himself.  We see the pulsing glow of a spark from below off-panel.)

RAMPAGE: Where I’ve always been…

DEPTHCHARGE: (Small text) no…

(FINAL PANEL- Unveiling of Depthcharge’s chest- it is torn open enough for us to see a SECOND spark (smaller; it’s only a half) somehow messily “fused” onto Depthcharge’s larger spark, like some cancerous lump.)

RAMPAGE: …a touch more literally now, it would seem.  AHAHAHAH!

Ah, Beast Wars.  For me, it's a case of "third time's the charm!" Y'see, Beast Wars was Transformers' third coming for me.  And once it hit, I was snared for life.  As a wee lad, I was a fan of G1, from about the age of three 'til the age of seven or eight.  Oh, there was the Real Ghostbusters and Spidey and His Amazing Friends and whatnot here and there.  But Transformers was always the fallback, always something I could go back to when I lost interest with whatever the new fad was on the playground. Around 1991 or 1992, while there were still some Transformers toys on the shelves, I was growing more enamored with Ninja Turtles and Marvel Superheroes, and Transformers was largely on the backburner, possibly for good this time. But my growing love of comic books would bring me to Transformers yet again.  One fateful day in 1993, on a routine trip to the comic store with my older cousin, I saw it on the shelf. Transformers Generation 2 # 1.  Everyone can remember that cover -- Optimus Prime with bullets jutting out of his skull and faceplate and the tag "This is NOT your father's Autobot." I eagerly snatched it up and for the next twelve months, going to the comic store became a regular occurrence.  I loved Spider-Man and X-Men and Iron Man, but Transformers Generation 2 was the comic I HAD to have every month. You can imagine my disappointment when I discovered the book had been canceled after only twelve issues.  Without supporting fiction to give my toy "adventures" some measure of credibility, my interest waned as it had before, and Transformers once again only became a fond memory. Fast-forward to 1996.  My younger cousins tell me of an awesome "computer-graphics" show airing in the morning called Beast Wars.  "It's animals that transform into robots!", they tell me.  I chuckle, inwardly wondering if it is some rip-off of Transformers.  A few weeks pass and I catch an episode.  "The Web", it is titled, but what shocks me most is the "Transformers" subtitle underneath the prominent Beast Wars logo.  It isn't a rip-off, it IS Transformers! Of course, as a bitter, world-weary twelve-year old at this point, my initial reaction is "Turning into organic-looking animals?  Huh, dumb".  This doesn't stop me from watching the show on weekday mornings before going to school, rationalizing that "nothing else is on". Then suddenly, about midway through the first season of Beast Wars, I realize I'm not watching it because "nothing else is on" anymore, I'm watching it because it IS Transformers and it is AWESOME!  Before I knew it, I was hooked again!  And this time would be for good.  Never again would something push Transformers to second or even third-banana status with me.  I was a Transfan through and through and I owed it to Beast Wars for reminding me. To me, Beast Wars represents some of the very best Transformers storytelling has to offer and is unequivocally the best Transformers animated series of all time (so far).  I jumped at any chances to contribute to the Beast Wars universe in anyway, through fanfiction, through Transformers Mosaic, and now, through BEAST WARS: Second Chances. It's funny.  We're calling it "Second Chances".  But for me, Beast Wars was a THIRD chance.  And like I said before, third time's the charm! -- Mike Priest

[magicalbuffalotransformerman]

BC: cake! rockie and katyusha are fuckin' in my bed what do you think

Cake, suppressing laughter: ,,,,What makes you think that's an appropriate thing to just blurt out like that??

BC: i want your thoughts. hand em over.

Cake: ...Cool. Hot, even. I dunno. I'm just here to talk with Patchwork about... well, he told me not to spoil it. Science stuff.

BC: mmm. enjoy yourself. :)

[cyberrose2001]

Not a request but a question, what do you think the autobots's favorite food in general would be if they were humans? And how do you think they're reaction would be eating human food for the first time??? CURIOUS LOL, I think op would love sweets

TFP human!Autobots - Favourite Food Headcanons

I agree that OP would love sweets! Here you go and I hope you enjoy my headcanons!

Warnings: None

Word count: 626

Optimus: When Optimus first tried human food, he was a little hesitant. But when he was introduced to sugary sweets he was instantly hooked and understood why the humans liked it so much. However, he eats them in moderation at the demand of Ratchet. He loves any sweet, flavoured foods and the classic vanilla ice cream is his favourite. He also loves sweet coffees/frappes.

Bumblebee: He was extremely excited to finally try human food! He wanted to try them all. He loves chocolate, but his ultimate favourite would be ramen noodles. They’re quick, easy and the salty taste is a whole new experience for him. Once, he tried to combine chocolate and noodles but quickly learned that it was a terrible idea and suffered stomach aches for the rest of the day.

Ratchet: He was less than thrilled that instead of consuming energon, Ratchet had to eat human food. The thought made him sick, and he tried to avoid it for the longest of time. But as humans do, they get hungry, so he was forced to try at least some of it. Black coffee quickly became his favourite and now has a whole coffee machine and only uses the purest of the devil beans. He also likes something quick and easy like a grilled cheese when he is in a rush. But prefers more healthier options like a salad sandwich. LOVES dark chocolate.

Arcee: Much like Optimus, she was sceptical, but came to also enjoy sweeter foods. She loves combining strawberries and chocolate. When Arcee saw Miko carrying around a smoothie, she asked if she could try some. Now it’s her absolute favourite! Loves combining the flavours and you’ll never see her without one in her hand. Also big on fruit salad.

Bulkhead: Bulkhead was incredibly happy that he could enjoy foods with Miko now. He tried traditional Japanese foods like sushi with her and can’t get enough of it. Despite that, he also enjoys a big steak or anything meaty, something to fuel his muscles and his appetite. He also enjoys raiding the base kitchen with Miko for lollies. Whatever food it may be, he will be sure to enjoy it.

Smokescreen: For his first trip outside the base as a human, Jack took him to the fast-food place he works at and tried out all the different selections of greasy foods. He was overwhelmed by the amount of options humans had, but found he absolutely loves the chicken nuggets. Also enjoys milkshakes, strawberry being his favourite. Will also start a food fight in the restaurant and Jack has to drag him out by his ear.

Wheeljack: He was curious before about human food, but now he’s forced to eat it now that he is human. Doesn’t like too many foods, so Wheeljack opts for something more protein packed to feed his muscles. He loves protein shakes, chocolate being his favourite flavour. You’ll find that he will also carry around fifteen protein bars because in his words 'you never know'. Also shoves cheeseburgers down his mouth when no-one is looking, those are his guilty pleasures.

Ultra-Magnus: Ultra-Magnus was very very reluctant to try any human food but decides to try it when he sees the other team members enjoy it. Ratchet put him onto coffee and enjoys his coffee bitter with just a splash of milk. One night, June made everyone a classic baked dinner with roast pork, vegetables and gravy and it became one of his favourite meals. Also likes something a little sweet at the end of the day, like a slice of carrot cake to go with his evening coffee and has made it a daily ritual for him. If only he could stop Miko and Bulkhead from stealing his cakes from the kitchen…

[autobot2001]

Another Good Day

Author: Autobot2001 Henre: Fanfiction Fandom: Transformers Rating: E Warning: None pairing: Drift X Jamie (OC) Description: Cogman and Vivian has another idea of how Drift and Jamie can spend time together.

@fluffyfebruary: partners @fluffbruary: tea cakes | flood | feature

Crosshairs and Drift sit on the couch in the living room, listening to the crackling fire. It's one in the morning, and neither can sleep. Jamie's mental health and lack of interest worries them. "You should go to bed," Drift says, "if this insomnia is going to keep up and I use all my holoform's energy—." "Then you should also go to bed. We're partners in battle and — what?" Crosshairs asks, seeing Drift's smile. "Just thinking about how our relationship is." "I already said the only thing I'd change is Jamie's mental health and that damn chemical in her blood. I love both my battle partners. We are partner guardians to Jamie, but I think we're more like a family. I worry about you and Jamie," Drift rests his head on Crosshairs' shoulder and yawns, "come on, I'm not letting you sleep in here." The two stand up, the fire is out, and the two go upstairs.

With how late they went to bed, both mechs slept in until nine. "So much for a workout," Crosshairs complains. "Lazy aft," Drift teases, "go now. You'll be done by the time Jamie is awake." Crosshairs doesn't bother convincing Drift to join him. Drift lies next to Jamie, wondering what the plan for today could be. This changes to thinking about how much he loves Jamie. Drift isn't bothered that this has happened frequently in the past few weeks. He loves every physical feature about her. He's not sure if he should like Jamie's short stature as it's an effect of the chemical that was injected to kill her twenty-one years ago. Drift loves Jamie's personality, save for her mental health. To Drift, his relationship with his cross-dimensional traveler is like romantic relationships on Cybertron; not always perfect. The two in the relationship know to accept flaws happen unless it's accepting a toxic relationship. He's seen on Earth there's too much of an expectation for the relationship to be perfect. Drift didn't realize how long he'd thought about Jamie until he felt her move. "Good morning," Drift smiles. "Sleep." "Nope, it's ten in the morning. Time to get up." Drift holds onto Jamie and gets off the bed. He carries her out of the room.

Crosshairs is displeased seeing Drift walk into the kitchen. "You ruined it!" He complains. Drift sees that Crosshairs had planned to bring breakfast upstairs. How long of a workout did he do? Drift questions, seeing Crosshairs made pancakes. He sets Jamie on a bar stool at the island and sits next to her. Crosshairs made Jamie and himself coffee while he made Drift tea. It's quiet while the three eat.

The two mechs talk about the plan for the day while cleaning the kitchen. Other than deciding not to go out, they're still determining what the plan is for the day.

The day is the same as most days until the three walk into the kitchen at three. The femme watches Drift get the box of nut bars from the cabinet. She tells Drift Cogman made tea cakes. Crosshairs smiles, knowing what Cogman and Vivian planned. "Go be with your partner," he tells Drift. Crosshairs watches as Drift takes Jamie's hand and takes her to the living room. He smiles, seeing the two doing something together. He doesn't consider Vivian or himself creating opportunities for Drift and Jamie to do something together as unusual. Vivian follows with a tray prepared with a plate of tea cakes, a small stainless steel pitcher with hot water, a creamer full of milk, two cups with tea bags placed in them, and a small sugar bowl. Cogman walks into the kitchen, just missing Vivian leaving. Crosshairs tells him that Drift and Jamie went to the living room, and Vivian brought the tray.

Drift knows what Cogman and Vivian are trying to do. He doesn't mind their help. The coffee table is moved in front of the sectional. Drift finds a movie to watch as the two enjoy tea and tea cakes. Jamie leans on Drift when she's not drinking her tea. Sunstreaker found out where Drift and Jamie were and snuck a few pictures. He smiles as he takes them. Drift will love these. Sunstreaker thinks. He closes the door before either realize it's open and goes upstairs to print the pictures.

Drift and Jamie stay in the living room until dinner. By then, the movie is over. The others see how happy Drift and Jamie are. Regretting they didn't think of helping the two do things together sooner. Hoping to keep it up.

[fenesst]

Cake, and robots! Cake, cake, and robots!

[pluage-docters-go-brrrrrr]

Very out of character thing I made, might as well be it's own au. Very dumb and very stupid. Dumb and dumber type shit.

Word count: unknown.

Author: me

Summary: Megatron and Ratchet make a very chaotic youtube video together that ends in disaster, which is then sumerized by a random unknown narrator who is somewhat unreliable.

Look, I don't watch cooking videos. I like my food pre-prepared or fast. But for some reason the youtube algorithm thought it would be fun to show me a cooking video. It was called "Making a snack to eat while your frenemy sends their bf to kill their haters." With two robots on the thumbnail in a kitchen. A tall silver one trying to work a microwave oven, and a smaller white and orange one making a bruise with make up.

Now I know what your thinking, what the fuck, why is this a thing. Well I'm here to tell you that that thought never leaves the whole damn video. The video starts with the tall silver one standing next to the small white and orange one, who is white and red right now, staring unnervingly at the camera. He changes color throughout the video. Noone knows what color he actually is.

"Greatings humans, it is I Lord Megatron and today we are doing something different." The silver one, Megatron, opens. "Instead of the Huckleberry Finn review you were promised because the autobot medic here has someone who needs to die and I want to watch. But it would be boring with out a snack so I'm making an oreo mug cake. Isn't that right doctor?"

The white nodds at the camera and smiles awkwardly. It is very obvious he doesn't know what he's doing. "Your support to talk." Megatron tells him.

"I'm sorry but booktok doesn't pay my bills, the United States government does." The doctor says angerly.

"I don't do booktok!! I review books that these flesh-bags call classics! And you wanted to do this!" The silver robot points an accusing Tallon at his companion.

"I didn't think it would be awkward! Honestly you would think they would make cameras less soulless." The doctor complains looking away placing his hands on his hips.

"IT'S NEON PINK!" Megatron yells starting a yelling match.

"THE LENSE ISN'T!"

"THEN DON'T LOOK AT THE LENSE!"

"THEN THE VIDEO WILL LOOK WEIRD!" That ends the yelling and starts the first fight of the video. A video that is a hour and a half long.

Megatron starts it by punching the medic in the face, knocking him to the ground. Then said medic pounces on the silver robot, attaching himself to his back and starts throwing punches. It takes three tries before he is flung off. Falling to the floor the white robot's hands turn to blades and he stabs the silver one, making him roar in pain. He then picks him up by his head his finger knives making dents that are leaking, a strange blue liquid.

The autobot then opens his eyes and points, "Are those new mugs?" He ask like his head isn't being held in a vice grip.

He is instantly dropped and Megateon holds up the various colored mugs, "Yes they are, thank you for pointing them out." The silver one says graciously, his fingers now covered in blue. "I got them because Soundwave didn't want me to use his mugs." He shows them to the camera, "We have a red one, a blue one, a pink one, my favorite the purple one-"

"Probably because it looks like dark energon." The medic says sassily. Holding his head.

He gets a side eye from Megatron, "Ratchet, you know it is not that. It's because purple is my favorite color, you know that. Anyways, we have a green one, a yellow one, a white one, a black one, and lastly an orange one." Megatron puts down the mugs and pulls out a microwave oven and a cook book, along with some oreos.

"Doctor why don't you show the people your set up." He ask. Ratchet then gets out a make up mirror, eye shadow, blush, and other make up related things along with a computer.

"I'm going to use these to fake a bruise to get Ultra Magnus in trouble and hopefully have Optimus kill him." Ratchet says putting his materials on the other end of the counter near the sink.

"Why do you need Prime to kill his second in command, doctor?" Megatron asked in the fakest voice on the planet.

"Well he got me in trouble for arson, and that's one of the few things I can do for fun on this planet. So now I'm going to be crocheting durring knitting time and baking durring killing time." Ratchet responds, looking mournful of his lost time.

"You have a designated time for murder?"

"I'm stuck at base all day I need something to entertain me and if running over random people is that entertainment then so be it!"

"What type of people do you run over?"

"Oh, just random people. I ran over this one guy who was laying in the middle of the road. I mean he was losing blood at a fast rate and would've died anyway. Their was also this high-schooler with weird hair with him. It looked like a pice of stake."

They look at eachother for a bit before Megatron gets back to he video. Showing off his microwave and getting his messering spoons along woth th other ingredients. Om skipping this part because it not really that eventful. All that happens is Megatron starts making the mug cakes while Ratchet looks for tutorials on how to make bruises with makeup. They do end up fighting again, like three times over the same thing. Which is the oreos running out. Then a fourth because Megatron can't use a microwave to save his life.

They use like three boxes of normal oreos before using the fourth of July ones, which cause a verbal argument. Then when those are used up they pull out the golden oreos. Megatron sets up the mug before coming to a dilemma.

"Okay," Megatron starts, "so Soundwave got these because he doesn't know the recipe. So like what do we do with them?"

Ratchet, who is midway through a tutorial on how to make an authentic black eye and absolutely battered and worn, turns around, "just take out the cocoa powder and add more vanilla extract."

"Yeah, but how much vanilla because the original recipe calls for 1/4 teaspoon of vanilla and-" Ratchet goes up their and adds one whole teaspoon of vanilla. Which was apparently way too much because Megatron's jaw was practically on the floor.

"WHY WOULD YOU ADD THAT MUCH?!"

"YOU NEED TO MAKE UP FOR THE LACK OF FLAVOR! WE TOOK OUT THE COCOA POWDER! THAT HELPS GIVE FLAVOR!"

"COULDN'T YOU ADD LESS?"

"YOU CAN ADD LESS ON THE NEXT ONE!"

Then the fight. Ratchet punches Megatron in the face pushing him back and causing him to bite his lip. Which makes him bleed, this is the first time he bleeds in the video, unlike Ratchet who is covered in scabs. He even picked at one at some point.

Since that is clearly unacceptable Megatron punches the air out of the good doctor knowing him down and making him gasp. Ratchet gets up though and starts acting feral, hes growling and biting as Megatron tries to shove him off and shoo him away. The autobot gets on all fours at one point. They end up cooking the cake and make the reast with half as much vanilla.

Then nothing happens again. They use up all the oreos and Ratchet finishes the makeup tutorial. They quickly hide everything and set up the snacks. Conveniently They don't even have to get Ultra Magnus because he walking in as Megatron walks out of the room.

"What happened to you?" He asks, talking about all the dents scratches and scabs on the medics body and not the fake bruise, he doesn't even knkw about it since Ratchet's facing away from him.

"Nothing..." The medic says.

Now to be honest I went way to go switch my laundry so I don't know what happens next, but I do know that when I came back Magnus was getting his ass handed to him by -who I'm guessing is- Optimus Prime while Ratchet's crying on the floor and Megatron's eating the mug cakes and giving a review on each one.

Now Magnus looks worse than Ratchet, who's makeups has smeared and rolling down his face from the tears he's crying, and is getting his head bashed agenst the counter were Ratchet was doing his make up. He's just getting bodied by Optimus. Then the video cuts to just Megatron sitting in his room with a mugcake.

"So my camera died while recording, but Ultra Magnus was not killed, he was simply beaten within an inch of his life and is banned from going near the good doctor. So Knockout had to treat him. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the video, make sure to comment, subscribe, and smash that like button. I will see you in the next video."

Then a cringe 2016 outro plays and the video ends. Now, what your probably thinking is still what the fuck, why did they do that? Well, they don't even know themselves, and they never made another video like it. Honestly I don't even know why I watched it, I can't even end the summary it's that crazy. So, um, bye.

[transingthoseformers]

On the whole "failed courtship but it somehow works" front (continuity soup bc it ought to be G1 but then M's alt is wrong; what do guns do to show off anyway? Precision targeting? How do you get your preferred person to hold you for that?):

OP: is practicing those precision manoeuvres that only the very finest of trucks can manage (along the lines of that video of the truck driver making himself a cup of tea...) in a secluded valley somewhere that is definitely-only-coincidentally adjacent to where the Decepticons were most recently detected;

M: barrelling over the adjacent ridge and down into the valley, covered in the local vegetation, with a carefully-arranged collection of beautiful-but fragile treats suspended from the barrel of his tank mode. This is, naturally, just an exercise in using his alt effectively. Nothing whatsoever to do with the last known destination of the Autobot groundbridge;

one inevitable collision later, OP's carefully prepared cube with appropriate additives is spread all over the floor and M's treads, causing devastation to some small part of the local ecosystem. M's delightful selection of treats is smeared along the side of OP's trailer, which stickiness and waste does not help OP's mood as he transforms back to express his annoyance more effectively.

At some point in the ensuing fist-fight - possibly as they roll through the puddle of energon again - it occurs to OP to wonder just what M was doing rushing around with a cake-stand anyway. The sheer degree of embarrassment inherent in answering makes M try to transform back and escape the whole interaction, but of course OP is faster in alt and can force a confrontation. And then, well, something is clearly wrong and the two systems are reasonably parallel and OP is not the one with the emotional intelligence of a teaspoon here. He can, and does un-puzzle this mystery, and M is trapped.

Clearly the only thing left after that is for M to un-sticky OP, by whatever means are left available to him. And if the net effect in terms of cleanliness is not what it might be, neither of them is exactly complaining.

Omg these two have created such a mess yes, they're trying so hard to show off in their own ways

Oh, it's not their fault these ways collide (lying) (lying so much💖💖💖💖)

Makes sense Optimus figures it out first, and oh Megatron what have you started

There's no way they're coming out of this clean, if I'm picking up the vibes at the end correctly.

But: