#autism & masking

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Masking at School/Work

Well behaved

Eager to please

Hard working

Compliant

What You Don’t See:

High anxiety

Social confusion

Stomach aches

Exhaustion

Meltdowns

Misunderstood

The Autistic Teacher

[abuzd]

[awetistic-things]

awetistic things {1090}

constantly being asked, “are you okay?” when you feel absolutely content, yet, those same people never asking when you actually need to hear those words

[noagskryf]

"i wish i could unmask wherever i went." "i wish i was visibly disabled."

Okay, fine.

Do you also wish you were pulled out of class and asked if you've taken illegal substances because you weren't masking?

Do you wish you were just not allowed in class sometimes because of your symptoms being disruptive?

Do you wish parents would pull their children away from you because you walk funny and make weird noises?

Do you wish your parents got sympathy glances whenever youre out in public with them?

Do you wish all this? Or do you wish you were more accepted by society?

EDIT: i think im not very good at explaining myself, this post is targeted at people who say "i wish i was visibly disabled" and then go on to deny that visibly disabled people experience a lot of ableism and danger because of it. this isn't targeted at people who wish they didnt have to hide themselves.

[stardustto-dust]

If I ever say something that sounds out of place or strange, forgive me. I interact by reading aloud from a book entitled "things people say" and sometimes I get the page numbers mixed up.

[sunlightfeeling]

I read the Introduction to Unmasking Autism by Dr. Devon Price tonight

i finally feel heard:

[drowninkystar]

idk who needs to hear this but many high masking autistics don't want to be told they're good at masking or "no one can tell ur autistic" as a compliment bc it reinforces the need to mask in order to be accepted socially (of course there are exceptions to this and not all autistics will agree)

growing up i was told so many times "u do a great job at appearing 'normal'" and let me tell u that made me feel incredibly insecure of unmasking in public (i have also been told "ur autism is showing" as a way for someone to tell me that i should 'put the mask back on', which is also very hurtful)

to this day im scared that ppl will not like me if im more "visibly autistic" so i oftentimes mask more than i'd like (which leads to difficulty forming real connections as well as burn out and anxiety)

(it's also ableist to say that not seeming autistic is a good thing bc that implies that autism is an insult or something to be ashamed of)

[dreamdropsystem]

it really is

[thatadhdmood]

i figured out why my autism is so low masking. I got super fucking lucky!

i was popular in primary school and didnt realise until afterward. i was in the top academic banded class with a big friend of 6 girls. One who is still my best friend to this day

I used to bark when i was in primary school, it helped me communicate. But my dear best friend just thought i was the coolest kid ever! I barked!! Thats soo cool!

shes honestly the reason im not high masking she just made me feel loved and accepted for who i was no matter who in the world was against me

we were together in school for the almost the entire 12 year experience, she only left me for a single year when i transferred schools one year, and she followed to mine the next year

Sadly i havent seen her in two years since we split ways for university as shes on the other side of the world. But ill see her again someday.

I know cause shes my best friend :)

[ametistapp]

"Lack of personality" in autism (spoiler: it's the masking)

[Large text: "Lack of personality" in autism (spoiler: it's the masking)]

I was scrolling through # autism questions and noticed a bunch of people asking stuff related to not being able to figure out their personality so I thought I'd share something I've realized some time ago.

My entire life, I always had this idea that my personality was just "too broad" to be normal, as in, I acted in completely different ways in different situations and with different people.

Of course, everyone tends to change their behavior a little when dealing with different people (you're not the same with your friends vs with your teachers or boss), but there's limits.

Being aware of this, one of the first conditions I looked into once I decided to start doing research on neurodivergence was DID — and, eventually, OSDD — but I quickly understood that wasn’t it.

(It was great doing that research though, because the idea media gave me (and most people) on """split personality""" has nothing to do with what DID and OSDD are. And they're very interesting conditions, so more knowledge for me!)

But if it wasn't an identity thing, then what was it?

It was masking.

Four years into research, one year as a self-diagnosed autistic, I realized the thing that made my personality so "broad" was just masking. And a year after that, I'm still certain that's the answer.

Because, my entire life, I've been changing myself to fit in with others, especially with neurotypicals.

While masking, you don't just "tone down" the very clear traits of your autism (or any other condition, by all means), you also copy other people's behaviors and personalities (usually subconsciously) so you don't seem like the "weird one".

I've been like a bloody mirror my whole life, and that's likely what others are struggling with when trying to figure out their personalities as well.

Hope this helped someone.

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Autism Masking

The Autistic Teacher

[ominous-feychild]

Guys I literally JUST realized a thing about my autism/masking/alexithymia. I noticed there was an alexithymia tag here on tumblr and when I investigated, there was this one post listing these symptoms:

and I just--

I've had these exact, MAJOR struggles through my whole life for one.

But for two, and what's really interesting in my opinion...

Yesterday, I was having a video call with my mom. I've been off of some medications that I'm supposed to be taking because of financial issues, so my mental is NOT in a great place and I've had NO spoons for the past month. But while on call with her, she seriously, unironically, asked me if I thought I really needed the meds. Because, apparently, I "wasn't acting like I needed them" or something like that. And I'm sure I don't need to explain why that pissed me tf off.

But, like... at the time, the closest thing I could come up with for an answer was that "I have no spoons and no energy to do anything"; "I lived 17 years without meds, I kind-of know how to fake it"; and "I haven't had much socializing lately, so I have enough Social Energy™ to fake being okay right now."

Now that I'm not being put on the spot and after reading that post, I'm slowly figuring out that I've always done this. I mean, I've obviously always struggled to describe my own emotions and need to analyze my physical reactions to figure them out, but like. I'm just now starting to realize that I've really struggled to describe exactly how I'm "feeling bad" or, in fact, that I am feeling bad at all.

I mean, again, considering the alexithymia, that last part is a given. But it's kinda putting into perspective exactly how I've always had to understand "I don't have the energy to do anything" or "it's incredibly difficult to do anything" or "something deep inside of me feels Wrong™ and I can neither address nor identify it". I'd just passively have those "feelings" and struggle to continue life despite them.

It brings back thoughts of my struggles with masking, and how I was never diagnosed with autism as a child. Looking back, it should've been incredibly obvious. I had SO many of the tell-tale signs. But I guess it wasn't today, and there wasn't anywhere near as much awareness of what those signs were... but really. Textbook.

I'm sure my masking made it more difficult to recognize the signs as I got older. Hell, I even read over different "autism diagnosis checklist"s countless times, thinking to myself "oh wow it's a lot like me!... exceeeeeptttt--" and moved on from there.

I keep digressing. My point is, since discovering my autism and how it was hidden by masking, I've always wondered where my mask ends and where I begin. Most of the time, I feel like I feel nothing, even when I'm not depressed. I've been told I don't show my emotions, like when I'm happy (aka my chest is light and I feel free). That, or people can't tell when I like/dislike them (though that's partially a trauma thing). Other times, I've been told I'm smiling when I didn't even realize I was happy, much less that I was actually smiling. Some people have told me I'm incredibly easy to read, that my emotions show very clearly. But how can they when I feel like I feel nothing?

Which leads me back to what I said earlier, my conversation with my mother. How she asked if I actually need my meds because "I don't seem like I do". I guess I kind-of understand now, why she might've seen it that way. Do most people always show signs of how they actually feel? And how does the fact that I "don't feel" effect what I show?

I've wondered about that for a while. How much of how I act is because I was trained to, one way or another? How much of the emotion I show is because I learned to? Do I even show the emotions I feel? I really can't know because the people I know irl, who would better be able to tell me how I act, aren't understanding of any of these things. My older sister is lowkey ableist and thinks she sees the grand plan of the universe, my mother is too "pull yourself up by the bootstraps!!!" to accept Spoon Theory or mental health struggles, and just about everyone else in my life comes and goes as quickly as the wind.

Anyhow, this was a long rant that I've kinda had half-formed thoughts about for a while. Thanks for reading, hopefully this can help or entertain whoever stumbles upon this?

[awetistic-things]

awetistic things {1084}

feeling as if the friends you made while masking wouldn’t like you if you weren’t

[autisticdreamdrop]

autism things 180

losing the ability to mask from autism regression

[ndstrawberry]

Autistic masking

My therapist regularly tells me that the reason that I cannot make friends, is because I'm not spontaneous. I plan and try to control the way that conversation go and how others perceive me.

And that never made sense to me, like, wdym. Everyone does that??? It's just the way life goes.

But guess what:

- you're not supposed to plan the conversation and continuously think about and be stressed about it. Trying to follow a loose script.

- you're not supposed to have the reaction others want to, and the fact that you don't like talking, is because this exaggerated version of yourself is exhausting to maintain.

- jokes are not supposed to be laughed at forcefully, they're supposed to make you feel happy. They're supposed to be funny. Like, it's not an exange. I tell a joke, you tell a joke and we both have a reaction because that's what we're supposed to do. The reaction supposed to come naturally. And every other emotion. Others don't meticulously think about this stuff and force it.

- planning conversations doesn't always literally sounds like "ok, I'll make eye contact now" because that's not how thinking works for some of us. For me, is more of an half unconscious need. "Because that's how its supposed to be"

- when people say making eye contact is bad for them, it's does not always mean that it BURNS AND HURTS them. It can also mean that they'd feel more comfortable without being forced to maintain it.

I have very literal thinking, so when I heard about masking, I didn't think I did that because "I don't copy conversations from movies", for example.

I do not watch movies. They make me anxious.

So uh, yeah. Planing and exaggerating your emotions. It's not normal.

[cybergrapeuk]

To my fellow autistic artists,

If you're dreading doing creative work today, it's likely that you're dreading the masking that comes with it.

Thinking of the audience's reaction, playing music to force a certain mood, being "on" all the time in your breaks, trying to stim to make yourself get back to work...

It's just as exhausting as social masking and inhibits your relationship with your craft!

You don't deserve to mask in your sacred alone time 💜

CREATE UNMASKED