#autism & masking
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Me in public: (I think I'm doing a good job masking! I'm probably passing off as somewhat neurotypical!)
How I look:
#starkid#team starkid#hatchetfield#hatchetverse#starkid productions#nerdy prudes must die#paul matthews#autism spectrum disorder#autsitic#autsim#autstic#actually autistic#neurodivergent#autistic#asd#the guy who didn't like musicals#starkid musicals#nightmare time#hatchetfield universe#starkid npmd#autistic spectrum#masking is exhausting#autism masking
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SPOILERS FOR TADC EP4
i feel like the scenes where ragatha and jax said that gangle was more annoying with her happy mask or that jax likes gangle better when shes sad is similar to the entirety of neurdiverse people who have to mask.
whether youre autistic, you have adhd, depression, bipolar disorder, bpd, etc, any neurdivergent people who have to mask who you really are because of what other people think, and when you finally take that mask off, the world wants you to put it back on.
#the micahverse#tadc#the amazing digital circus#tadc spoilers#gangle tadc#gangle#tadc gangle#tadc ep 4#autism#neurodiversity#autistic#neurodiverse#neurodivergent#actually autistic#the amazing digital circus episode 4#masking#autism masking#i feel so bad for her#i started tearing up
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Masking at School/Work
Well behaved
Eager to please
Hard working
Compliant
What You Don’t See:
High anxiety
Social confusion
Stomach aches
Exhaustion
Meltdowns
Misunderstood
The Autistic Teacher
#autism#actually autistic#autism masking#what you see vs what you don’t see#high anxiety#it can be exhausting#meltdowns#we’re often misunderstood#neurodivergence#neurodiversity#actually neurodivergent#feel free to share/reblog#The Autistic Teacher (Facebook)
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awetistic things {1090}
constantly being asked, “are you okay?” when you feel absolutely content, yet, those same people never asking when you actually need to hear those words
#autism#autistic#actually autistic#asd#autism spectrum disorder#on the spectrum#autistic things#autistic problems#autism problems#autism masking#masking#autistic masking
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If I ever say something that sounds out of place or strange, forgive me. I interact by reading aloud from a book entitled "things people say" and sometimes I get the page numbers mixed up.
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I read the Introduction to Unmasking Autism by Dr. Devon Price tonight
i finally feel heard:
#actually autistic#autism#autistic#neurodivergent#actually neurodivergent#neurodiversity#neurodivergence#unmasking autism#the tism#tism posting#neurospicy#masking#autistic masking#autism masking
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Autism Sometimes Sucks
How it feels to be autistic
#autism#actually autistic#neurodivergent#neurodiversity#autistic adult#autistic community#autistic things#autistic experiences#autistic women#autism spectrum disorder#built different#autistic person#different not less#high masking autism#autism awareness#autism acceptance#autism appreciation#autism experiences#neurospicy#neurodiverse stuff#actually neurodiverse#pinterest#pintrest girl#mental health#late diagnosed autistic#mentally exhausted#autism masking#autistic meltdown#autistic masking#meltdown
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it really is
#our edits#sanrio#sanrio edit#sanrio vent#my melody#my melody sanrio#sanrio my melody#autism#autistic#autism spectrum disorder#autie#actually autistic#actually autism#tic#tics#tic disorder#tic disorder unspecified#unspecified tic disorder#tourettes#masking#masking autism#masking autistic#supressing tics#autism masking#autistic masking
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I need this book! 😅🤣
#neurospicy#autistic experiences#autistic culture#autistic things#autism#autism memes#autistic memes#actually autistic#autism spectrum disorder#autistic#neurodivergent memes#adhd memes#auadhd#adult autism#mentally unstable#mental illness#memes#dark humor#dark memes#masking#autistic masking#fake it till you make it#autism masking#actually neurodivergent#neurodivergent#mentally fucked#mental ill meme#autismjourney#autistic burnout#faking it
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Autistic masking
My therapist regularly tells me that the reason that I cannot make friends, is because I'm not spontaneous. I plan and try to control the way that conversation go and how others perceive me.
And that never made sense to me, like, wdym. Everyone does that??? It's just the way life goes.
But guess what:
- you're not supposed to plan the conversation and continuously think about and be stressed about it. Trying to follow a loose script.
- you're not supposed to have the reaction others want to, and the fact that you don't like talking, is because this exaggerated version of yourself is exhausting to maintain.
- jokes are not supposed to be laughed at forcefully, they're supposed to make you feel happy. They're supposed to be funny. Like, it's not an exange. I tell a joke, you tell a joke and we both have a reaction because that's what we're supposed to do. The reaction supposed to come naturally. And every other emotion. Others don't meticulously think about this stuff and force it.
- planning conversations doesn't always literally sounds like "ok, I'll make eye contact now" because that's not how thinking works for some of us. For me, is more of an half unconscious need. "Because that's how its supposed to be"
- when people say making eye contact is bad for them, it's does not always mean that it BURNS AND HURTS them. It can also mean that they'd feel more comfortable without being forced to maintain it.
I have very literal thinking, so when I heard about masking, I didn't think I did that because "I don't copy conversations from movies", for example.
I do not watch movies. They make me anxious.
So uh, yeah. Planing and exaggerating your emotions. It's not normal.
#actually mentally ill#actually neurodivergent#neurodiverse#mental illness#neurodivergent#autism#autistic#mental health#autistic masking#masking#autism masking#mask#autism mask#autistic mask#self diagnosed autism#self diagnosis
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Autism Masking
The Autistic Teacher
#autism#actually autistic#autism masking#masking#masking examples#masking explained#neurodivergence#neurodiversity#actually neurodivergent#feel free to share/reblog#neurodivergent insights (facebook)
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awetistic things {1084}
feeling as if the friends you made while masking wouldn’t like you if you weren’t
#autism#autistic#actually autistic#asd#autism spectrum disorder#on the spectrum#autistic things#autistic problems#autism problems#autism masking#masking
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i figured out why my autism is so low masking. I got super fucking lucky!
i was popular in primary school and didnt realise until afterward. i was in the top academic banded class with a big friend of 6 girls. One who is still my best friend to this day
I used to bark when i was in primary school, it helped me communicate. But my dear best friend just thought i was the coolest kid ever! I barked!! Thats soo cool!
shes honestly the reason im not high masking she just made me feel loved and accepted for who i was no matter who in the world was against me
we were together in school for the almost the entire 12 year experience, she only left me for a single year when i transferred schools one year, and she followed to mine the next year
Sadly i havent seen her in two years since we split ways for university as shes on the other side of the world. But ill see her again someday.
I know cause shes my best friend :)
#autism#just some reflection thoughts ive been having lately#masking#autism masking#autism spectrum disorder#neurodivergency#bullying#autism school#autism bullying
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"Lack of personality" in autism (spoiler: it's the masking)
[Large text: "Lack of personality" in autism (spoiler: it's the masking)]
I was scrolling through # autism questions and noticed a bunch of people asking stuff related to not being able to figure out their personality so I thought I'd share something I've realized some time ago.
My entire life, I always had this idea that my personality was just "too broad" to be normal, as in, I acted in completely different ways in different situations and with different people.
Of course, everyone tends to change their behavior a little when dealing with different people (you're not the same with your friends vs with your teachers or boss), but there's limits.
Being aware of this, one of the first conditions I looked into once I decided to start doing research on neurodivergence was DID — and, eventually, OSDD — but I quickly understood that wasn’t it.
(It was great doing that research though, because the idea media gave me (and most people) on """split personality""" has nothing to do with what DID and OSDD are. And they're very interesting conditions, so more knowledge for me!)
But if it wasn't an identity thing, then what was it?
It was masking.
Four years into research, one year as a self-diagnosed autistic, I realized the thing that made my personality so "broad" was just masking. And a year after that, I'm still certain that's the answer.
Because, my entire life, I've been changing myself to fit in with others, especially with neurotypicals.
While masking, you don't just "tone down" the very clear traits of your autism (or any other condition, by all means), you also copy other people's behaviors and personalities (usually subconsciously) so you don't seem like the "weird one".
I've been like a bloody mirror my whole life, and that's likely what others are struggling with when trying to figure out their personalities as well.
Hope this helped someone.
#autism spectrum disorder#autism questions#autism#asd#actually autistic#neurodivergence#actually neurodivergent#masking#autism masking#you do have a personality#you just gotta find it babe#you can do it#hope this helps#autistic things#long post
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Guys I literally JUST realized a thing about my autism/masking/alexithymia. I noticed there was an alexithymia tag here on tumblr and when I investigated, there was this one post listing these symptoms:
and I just--
I've had these exact, MAJOR struggles through my whole life for one.
But for two, and what's really interesting in my opinion...
Yesterday, I was having a video call with my mom. I've been off of some medications that I'm supposed to be taking because of financial issues, so my mental is NOT in a great place and I've had NO spoons for the past month. But while on call with her, she seriously, unironically, asked me if I thought I really needed the meds. Because, apparently, I "wasn't acting like I needed them" or something like that. And I'm sure I don't need to explain why that pissed me tf off.
But, like... at the time, the closest thing I could come up with for an answer was that "I have no spoons and no energy to do anything"; "I lived 17 years without meds, I kind-of know how to fake it"; and "I haven't had much socializing lately, so I have enough Social Energy™ to fake being okay right now."
Now that I'm not being put on the spot and after reading that post, I'm slowly figuring out that I've always done this. I mean, I've obviously always struggled to describe my own emotions and need to analyze my physical reactions to figure them out, but like. I'm just now starting to realize that I've really struggled to describe exactly how I'm "feeling bad" or, in fact, that I am feeling bad at all.
I mean, again, considering the alexithymia, that last part is a given. But it's kinda putting into perspective exactly how I've always had to understand "I don't have the energy to do anything" or "it's incredibly difficult to do anything" or "something deep inside of me feels Wrong™ and I can neither address nor identify it". I'd just passively have those "feelings" and struggle to continue life despite them.
It brings back thoughts of my struggles with masking, and how I was never diagnosed with autism as a child. Looking back, it should've been incredibly obvious. I had SO many of the tell-tale signs. But I guess it wasn't today, and there wasn't anywhere near as much awareness of what those signs were... but really. Textbook.
I'm sure my masking made it more difficult to recognize the signs as I got older. Hell, I even read over different "autism diagnosis checklist"s countless times, thinking to myself "oh wow it's a lot like me!... exceeeeeptttt--" and moved on from there.
I keep digressing. My point is, since discovering my autism and how it was hidden by masking, I've always wondered where my mask ends and where I begin. Most of the time, I feel like I feel nothing, even when I'm not depressed. I've been told I don't show my emotions, like when I'm happy (aka my chest is light and I feel free). That, or people can't tell when I like/dislike them (though that's partially a trauma thing). Other times, I've been told I'm smiling when I didn't even realize I was happy, much less that I was actually smiling. Some people have told me I'm incredibly easy to read, that my emotions show very clearly. But how can they when I feel like I feel nothing?
Which leads me back to what I said earlier, my conversation with my mother. How she asked if I actually need my meds because "I don't seem like I do". I guess I kind-of understand now, why she might've seen it that way. Do most people always show signs of how they actually feel? And how does the fact that I "don't feel" effect what I show?
I've wondered about that for a while. How much of how I act is because I was trained to, one way or another? How much of the emotion I show is because I learned to? Do I even show the emotions I feel? I really can't know because the people I know irl, who would better be able to tell me how I act, aren't understanding of any of these things. My older sister is lowkey ableist and thinks she sees the grand plan of the universe, my mother is too "pull yourself up by the bootstraps!!!" to accept Spoon Theory or mental health struggles, and just about everyone else in my life comes and goes as quickly as the wind.
Anyhow, this was a long rant that I've kinda had half-formed thoughts about for a while. Thanks for reading, hopefully this can help or entertain whoever stumbles upon this?
#Barlowe's thoughts#long post#btw if you were wondering#the reason I kept looking at autism diagnosis checklists is because I was writing autistic characters#and I didn't know I was autistic yet#the first one was on purpose#but the second one was a complete accident haha#after I got my diagnosis#and yknow#got an understanding of my autism and others'#I actually did an amazing job on the first character#and obviously especially on the second haha#Basil my beloved#he's actually so much like me#ANOTHER thing that really should've tipped me off tbh#I think it's because Basil doesn't mask whereas I do#tho maybe it's also slightly related to the whole “he's a guy and I'm a woman” thing?#idk but#autism#autistic adult#autistic#autistic things#actually autistic#actually audhd#audhd#alexithymia#masking#neurodivergent#autism masking#autistic struggles
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To my fellow autistic artists,
If you're dreading doing creative work today, it's likely that you're dreading the masking that comes with it.
Thinking of the audience's reaction, playing music to force a certain mood, being "on" all the time in your breaks, trying to stim to make yourself get back to work...
It's just as exhausting as social masking and inhibits your relationship with your craft!
You don't deserve to mask in your sacred alone time 💜
CREATE UNMASKED
#actually autistic#autism advice#autism masking#autism unmasking#art advice#autism tips#art tips#autistic artist#toxic productivity#toxic positivity
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