#attempt at making humor
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WangXian’s biggest fan:
Lan Wangji’s brother
WangXian’s biggest anti:
Wei Wuxian’s brother
#i’m having fun doing these lately#the untamed#cql#lan wangji#lan zhan#wei wuxian#wei ying#wangxian#jiang wanyin#jiang cheng#lan xichen#lan huan#attempt at making humor
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Trigger Tease(r)
Pairing: Mob!Bucky x Reader
Summary: Before his morning briefing, your mob boss husband decides to take a pit stop in the sauna with you.
Warnings: 18+. Oral (f!receiving). Gentle fingerfucking. Praise and degradation. Daddy kink. Dirty talk. Bucky talking you through it. Bimbofication if you squint.
Notes: @sluttylittlewaistenthusiast - you inspired me 🪽 I just had to crank out a little teaser for the third installment of Wedded Bliss. I hope y’all like it 💓
Full version here
In between breakfast and the start of your husband’s early briefing, you found yourself situated in much the same way you’d been spending a lot of time these days: pinned up against the wall of a wood-paneled sauna, Bucky’s broad shoulders supporting both of your legs as he buried his face deep between your thighs. You sighed.
“Hold still,” Bucky grunted, voice muffled as he tried to keep your slick, squirming body in place above him.
You yelped and seized a fistful of his hair when he wedged his tongue even further inside you, nudging your clit with his nose almost too teasingly and deliberate.
“I can’t…help it,” you bit back, ignoring the brief glare you earned from your husband as soon as you said it, “Your tongue’s just so— s— James!”
This time, Bucky let out a full-throated groan when you yanked on those poor wet locks of his—‘Gonna make me bald by next Christmas if you keep doin’ that, honey’—and he pried his head from your legs just long enough to knock you flat on the sauna bench close by.
The western red cedar seared hot on your skin, already flushed from the exhaustion wrought by Bucky’s tongue; you hardly had the strength to hold yourself up when he pushed you onto your back and crawled over your body.
“How ‘bout my fingers, doll? Can you take a couple’a those for me?” Bucky crooned above you as he stroked your hair, bathed in pure sunlight pouring in from the windows. His voice was a touch more sympathetic now.
After all, this was your third orgasm of the morning. It really wasn’t fair for him to use that biological weapon of mass destruction he liked to call his tongue when he knew how sensitive your clit would get from just one ‘O’. Even his hands might be too much in your current state.
Bucky was busy peppering your skin with kisses, working his way from the base of your neck to the crown of your head, when you whimpered and tried to fight a smile.
“Finger,” you corrected him, “Just one finger, Barnes.”
You would’ve thought you’d just thrown your wedding ring in his face and told him to eat shit. Just one?
“How’s one finger s’posed to stretch you out for my cock, huh? Practically had you screamin’ when I stuck it in last night,” Bucky wasn’t one to hide his amusement, grinning even bigger when you swatted him on the arm.
“Who said anything about your cock?” You tried to keep cool as Bucky’s fingers trailed right back down to the place you felt yourself throbbing, aching for his touch, “You have a meeting in ten minutes.”
“Meeting doesn’t start until I say so, my love,” Bucky reminded you just as his index ghosted over your folds.
In truth, he was willing to play this game any way, and for however long, you wanted it done, so long as he was the one bringing you pleasure. Be that his cock, his finger, or all fucking five on one hand, Bucky just wanted to get you off. It was better sustenance to him than the whole damn meal the two of you had eaten that morning.
Bucky kept it down to one digit and lightly circled your bundle of nerves when he sensed you were ready.
You gripped his forearm and shot a quick look between your legs, still in disbelief as to how he could make you feel this good so soon after you’d cum twice before. You felt his lips drift over to yours and steal a few kisses.
“Always doin’ so good for me,” Bucky praised, moving his finger in circles. When you whined against his mouth, he pressed it even harder, “Such a good girl for daddy.”
“James,” you breathed, clenching your legs together.
“Everything OK?”
“Uh-huh.”
More than OK, in fact. That delectable coil of sweet, euphoric release was already swelling gently in your tummy. Bucky moved his finger even faster.
“Tell me how it feels,” he murmured low in your ear.
Bucky loved seeing you try to articulate your feelings—relatively fresh and new to your world, still—while he was giving you pleasure. Adored the way you winced and whined and arched your back into his touch as a whole blustering hailstorm of sensations crashed over you.
He sank his tongue in your mouth as he kissed you, as if trying to extract the words from between your lips. Your response, in consequence, came somewhat stifled.
“Mm— feels so, oh—” Your voice broke off in a moan when Bucky tightened his circles, “—so good, daddy.”
“Wanna show daddy how good and cum for me?”
Bucky knew by the way you were whimpering under his hand that the tendril in your stomach had almost tripled in size. It wouldn’t take much to tip you over the edge.
“My sweet girl,” he said, rubbing your cunt at the same time he was stroking the back of your head, gently, “Feels so nice down there, doesn’t it?”
You rolled your hips against the bench and nodded. Your breaths were short and ragged, panting helplessly into Bucky’s mouth when he adjusted his hand just a little: pressing the pad of his thumb to your clit, with his index moving down to your entrance. Pushing inside you.
“Another,” you choked, not thinking.
Bucky met your desperate gaze and nodded, knowing this was exactly what you needed to make it over the precipice.
Still, he wouldn’t be Bucky if he didn’t tease just a bit.
“I thought my wife wanted one finger,” he hummed, brow pinching inward.
“No, no.” You could’ve shrieked when he curled the digit, “Want more— Bucky, please, please, I need more.”
Again, your husband appeared to nod in understanding, but his fingers didn’t budge. He worked his thumb a little faster and watched you writhe on the seat beneath him.
“How many, honey? Don’t wanna hurt my baby.” His words were all kindness, it seemed, but his tone laced with shameless condescension—the kind that said, yes, I know you need this, and no, I won’t indulge you just yet. Bucky was the worst when he wanted to prove a point. You could’ve ripped at his clothes and torn them in two if you weren’t both stark naked and shrouded in steam.
You opted to pull at his hair instead.
Bucky winced, but the smirk never left.
“I said how many?” he pressed again.
“Three. Four.” Fuck if you knew.
Your husband raised both eyebrows and hummed, a single finger still plunging in and out of your cunt in quick succession. He teased the tip of another at your entrance and smiled even more when you whined.
“Needy little thing, isn’t she?”
“Bucky—”
“Just wants to fuck daddy’s hand to get herself off, hm?”
Bucky didn’t bother to mask his sweet, degrading tone any longer as he talked down and teased you to no end. It drove him half-insane to see you squirm around, rut your hips, let him say the filthiest fucking words he could conjure up, and just bob your head to whatever he said. His impeccant wife and her insatiable needs—Bucky couldn’t even begin to express how turned on the sheer dichotomy got him. He stared in your eyes, all glossy and soft, and felt his cock stand even more rigid on his belly.
He didn’t give a shit if he’d taunted you enough or not; he just shoved his middle and ring fingers alongside the first and clenched his jaw to start fucking you hard with all three.
Your whole face contorted with pleasure, tinged with the faintest shade of discomfort at the tail end of it. You’d forgotten how big his fingers felt all together.
“Bucky,” you whined, mindlessly clawing at the wrist that was moving back and forth, fast, between your legs, “B-Baby, slow— slow down a little.”
But Bucky was deep in the zone. He knew you wanted it too—sensed that you liked to play it safe when it came to your pleasure and grew a little timid at times it got to feel too much—and he needed to talk you through it.
Rather than turn his head and keep to himself as he got you up to your peak, Bucky pressed his face down to yours and nodded again—this time with a tender sincerity.
“Feel a little stretch down there, huh?”
You didn’t have to say anything, just whimpering in time. Bucky kissed your forehead and let you fold into him as his fingers wreaked havoc down below. He kissed you again, and again, and in between kisses, mumbled,
“That’s daddy’s sweet, needy little slut.”
“My perfect fucking wife, so good at taking my fingers.”
“Gonna be nice and stretched out for my cock, hm?”
Every syllable spoken aloud was like a brand new catalyst for your impending release. You barely nodded your head, opened your mouth and whined pathetically, but that’s exactly how Bucky wanted you. Exactly how you needed to be, bucking your hips in time with the cadence of his fingers fucking inside you, and soon, those whimpers were turning to moans as that soft little helix inside you reached its breaking point.
Bucky brushed once or twice more against your sensitive spot, and suddenly you were coming undone all over him—crying his name, clawing his skin, squeezing your legs so tight around his wrist you feared you might snap it in two, and then getting kissed again, over and over while Bucky drank in your every sound, and the few tears that sprung to your eyes as they always did, like sweet nectar.
You were still moaning, curling your tongue feebly against his own and leaning into him as far as you could, when your husband slipped three fingers up between your mouths and pushed them past your parted lips.
“Suck,” Bucky said, gritting his teeth as he watched you, “C’mere, honey, taste your cunt on my fingers.”
You took him in and sucked your arousal off his fingers just like he asked. Took him by surprise and dragged a mindless, lazy, half-crazed and careless tongue all over his hand, where your juices had no doubt collected too.
That slutty, fucked-out look you gave him—like your brain had all but fallen out of your head with the orgasm he’d given you—was everything Bucky could’ve wanted.
He climbed on top of you and took the base of his cock, rock-hard and weeping tears of precum from the tip, almost drunk from the feeling himself. His mouth hung open as he dragged himself over the seam of your cunt.
“I need to fuck you.”
Taglist (STILL HAVE TO UPDATE THIS I'M DUMB AS SHIT): @vicmc624, @she-could-never, @mcira, @kentokaze, @identity2212, @unaxv, @buchi91, @ordelixx, @stinkerbelle007, @opibarnes, @wilsons-striped-ties, @desigirlxx, @pono-pura-vida, @geminiflanagansblog, @fandomsfeminismandme, @buggy14, @sky-full-0f-fl0wers, @buckysdoll1520, @armystay89, @minimarvelingmarvel, @kunakizen, @ghostiebby06, @blackhawkfanatic, @dameron-grant-spector, @sushiseoks, @deansapplepie, @mrsjoequinn, @lunaroserites, @first-edition, @kaybaby2494, @jaggedsi, @excusememrbarnes, @daisychainsoflove, @mostlymarvelgirl, @diannana, @shawnberry, @yujyujj, @urmomsalex, @mrs-bucky-barnes-73, @athenabarnes, @christinabae, @wintrsoldrluvr, @bethbunnyy, @i-heart-smut @dixsond
#THE TITLE WILL MAKE SENSE LATER I PROMISE#it’s ‘tease’ not ‘teaser’ in the full fic that was just my attempt at humor#bucky barnes#bucky barnes smut#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky barnes fic#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x you#marvel#mcu#mob bucky barnes#marvel smut#marvel x reader#james buchanan barnes#james bucky barnes#mob boss bucky#mob!bucky
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silent communication comp :,)
#private smiles but Not private at all why r u guys loudly in love???#so called ice cold oscar when he Needs to make lando laugh and giggle about his shitty races#lando horridbwbly endeared by oscars attempt at humor omf theyre so obvious#oscar entertaining landos nickname gimmick#ik hes so stupidly pleased hes managed to have this weird little relationship w lando thats so. Them after#a. the stress of living up to carlando and dandos legacies and#b. being a lando fanboy who didnt Need to be a tumblr assigned bf but somehow still gets to be bc lando just likes oscar for himself...#very sweet conclusion to a Terrible day for mcl they did this for the rpfers#landoscar#oscar piastri#lando norris
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@summerofbuddie ⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊ WEEK 3: out of your comfort zone
A little summary of Eddie's experiences throughout the last season! ✦ Watch him get involved in “special” situations, progressively get more partners and make some dubious decisions!
#summerofbuddie#eddie diaz#evan buckley#buddie#911 abc#eddiediazedit#evanbuckleyedit#buddieedit#911edit#*myedits#i started this some time ago so that's why it's a little more eddie than buddie#anyways obviously i have no idea of how to make funny compilations so enjoy some cringe sounds mixed with my poor attempt of humor lol
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He'll literally be amused by anything he does
#dean: dogshit failed attempt at humor#sam: bursting a rib laughing on the floor on the door slapping his thigh rolling on the ground#the fact dean sometimes does things just to make sam laugh and sam laughs at things dean does that no one finds funny#theyre so....#i'll be a clown just to amuse ya type otp#samdean#wincest#mine
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J is Queen of the Junjile
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J: Alright if I was an animal what animal do you think I would be? SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY.
Thad: A fox.
Uzi: A rat.
N: A rat.
V: A rat.
Lizzy: A rat.
Doll’s Corpse: Ты был бы крысой.
The Absolute Solver: J, you’re a rat.
Nori: You’d be a rat.
Khan: I think you’d be a rat.
J: (Trying to hide her annoyance) I think I’d be a wolf. I really think so. I would be a wolf-lioness hybrid mix. Queen of the Junjile— (Tries to catch herself) Junjile, but still social and with it and ferocious.
#murder drones#serial designation j#thad murder drones#uzi doorman#serial designation n#serial designation v#lizzy murder drones#doll murder drones#the absolute solver#nori doorman#khan doorman#random#attempt at humor#shower thoughts#word vomit#ramblings#incorrect quotes#this is kinda stupid#but i thought it was funny#why did i make this?
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hold on wait im unable to Scribble rn but i had this Lights Out interaction in my head and i need to put it somewhere before i forget. Okay so the scene is Howdy, Poppy, Frank, and Wally are all having quiet time in the post office. just vibing.
Howdy: i'm going to say something harsh
Poppy: that's alright. we understand <3
Frank: go ahead, it's better than bottling it up
Howdy:
Howdy, near tears: you're all so boring i think it's actually killing me
Poppy / Frank / Wally: ...
#he would Kill for one of barnaby's jokes#i imagine that when wally announces someone else has woken up howdy sprints through the darkness to the storage room#so so ready to have his Pal™️ back. someone with a sense of humor! someone he can really talk to! Enrichment for the Enclosure!#and then he gets there and its. its fucking eddie#he would break down sobbing...#he'd hold a completely uncalled for grudge <3#wh lights out au#of course wally would take it literally and start trying to remember jokes barnaby taught him#of course its been so long that he doesnt remember any but hes Trying#at least his attempts confuse howdy enough to bring Some sort of... entertainment? can it be called that?#i think all three of em would try to either make jokes or deeper conversation with howdy#but hes just too fast and punny for them... they cant keep up or they cant relate i think#at least he and poppy can hold conversations about their large families#until they remember that hey! those families were fake memories! they never even existed!#and then they get really sad. wally tells a horribly butchered joke & frank tries to distract them with bug/plant facts
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The ship:
The shipper:
The anti:
The one who doesn’t know why he feels miserable about the ship he ships:
「除非藍湛,你喜歡绵绵!」
#the untamed#lan wangji#cql#lan zhan#wei wuxian#wei ying#wangxian#luo qingyang#mianmian#attempt at making humor
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self aware doodles ft. Deadpool, Mr. Funny Bones himself
i love himb
#this was a quick anatomy study i drew in math class#i decided to make it silly#as per usual#did i mention how much i love deadpool#deadpool#deadpool fanart#wade wilson#marvel#forgor to put marvel tag on my spidey drawing LMAO#attempt at humor#as you can see#i really dont know how to draw guns#90% of it was guesswork#take it or leave it#also featuring The Amazing Spider Penguin#my spidersona :]#weezart
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I feel so bad about the guy running the official Allegra Twitter account. They just have to sit through this madness while clenching their teeth and they’re forced to reply with a happy tone. If you look closely at how they say things (especially in the chicken one), you can just tell they are cracking
#Twitter#twitter memes#Twitter meme#tweet#meme#humor#allegra#cracking#Sobbing at my desk as another person attempts to make Allegra Stew
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y'know every picture/clip of brocedes pre divorce era is just nico doubling over, head thrown back and laughing. we all know lewis isn't that funny to elicit such a swoon worthy laughter.
#okay you were bffs and everything so you get his humor#but to do the whole head thrown back#doubling over eyes crinkled in joy#me when my crush makes any attempt of a joke:#lewis hamilton#nico rosberg#formula 1#brocedes#stella's textposts
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why do you censor your mouth area? is it to hide the glaring five o'clock shadow around it?
no, sorry, it was to hide your dad's pussy in it, I respect his privacy
#and now we get to the “wave of transphobic anon asks” portion of the trolling#they'll make a few half hearted attempts at it#i'll reply with dumb jokes#and then theyll go back to their sad and lonely lives where they alienated all of their friends to hate#and now spend their time making dumb comments at internet stranggers#but its fun! adds a little spice to my inbox#and so adorable#cw transphobia#cw humor attempt
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I’m in love with your art can we get a character coming out use you’re imagination thank you for your talents
thank you and i apologize
#venture bros#mspaint prompts#pete then has to spend the remainder of the episode trying to prove that he is not robot homophobic but every attempt to show allyship#humorously backfires until it culminates in him making out with a male character of your choice abe and ghandi style
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Chapters: 3/3
Fandom: Supernatural (TV 2005)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Words: 5,187
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Characters: Castiel (Supernatural), Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Jack Kline
Additional Tags: Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, Everybody Lives, Jack Kline is Not God, Saileen Mentioned, Domesticity in the Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Castiel in the Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Established Relationship, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Kissing, Boys Kissing, Neck Kissing, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Attempt at Humor, Deansturbation, Masturbation, Teasing, they are so gone for each other, They try to resist it though, because of that silly game they are playing, Smut, Two Endings, Don't be afraid to tell which one you prefer
Summary:
Dean and Cas waited 12 years to finally be together. So, they think they can resist each other, but do they? (Please, read the notes at the beginning for better understanding)
Notes:
I got this idea from this pic (coming from this post on x):
#one pic and I write a whole fic#that's how deranged i am#they make me insane#destiel#deancas#castiel#dean winchester#fic with two endings#that was supposed to be posted last week-end#well it's finally posted#one week later#post canon divergent#kinda fix it fic#everybody lives#jack is not god#saileen mentioned#fluff#movie night#men of letters bunker#domestic fluff#established relationship#kissing#smut#attempt at humor#please tell me which ending you prefer in the comment#it can be fun#I'm curious about it actually#writing fanfiction#ao3 writer#destiel fic
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The dentist told me I'm showing signs of acid reflux
#personal#(the back of my teeth have a lot of enamel erosion)#life update IG.#idk im posting this on tumblr as an attempt to make it feel more humorous#whenever the dentist tells me my teeth are in bad shape i start feeling extremely guilty#even though logically i know this one isn't really my fault if acid reflux is indeed the cause lol...
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Uzi: (Wears a maid outfit)
N:
#murder drones#nuzi#biscuitbites#biscuit bites#n x uzi#uzi x n#suggestive#kinda#i guess#random#shower thoughts#this is kinda stupid#attempt at humor#i had an epiphany#make of this what you will
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