#at least you're still here.
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they should invent a way to ask if you have felt suicidal or have had suicidal thoughts at the doctor when they ask where you'll answer truthfully. i am fine and i always fight the suicidal thoughts but i went to the urgent care the other day and they asked and i said no no nothing like that. but i lied! of course i have! i've been vaguely fantasizing about getting hit by a car the past few days!!! i truly hate suicide for Reasons, it makes me incredibly sad and distressed, and for myself sometimes i don't even realize it's started creeping into my head again (i'm fine i genuinely promise) but like. as much as i hate it, it's there in some of my friends and me and i have to wonder about the fact that "yeah, but doesn't everyone at least a little bit?" isn't the right answer.
#bluebird.txt#i'm like sociologically interested why it's so 'popular' or common for people to joke about killing themselves#again. i fucking hate it. i abhor it. i detest it. but the fact is that is how people talk.#and i wonder how many of those people are truly suicidal and how many have never had to ever worry night after night#if the last time they saw their friend would be the last time. if they went to sleep thinking please let them be at school tomorrow.#please let them text me back.#at least you're still here.#how many people who say 'i'm gonna kill myself!!!' over a stupid insignificant test have actually felt that looming horror#how many of those people have truly felt in their souls that life is not worth living and that no one would notice if they weren't there#tomorrow#i ask genuinely. how many? is it that bad that we're all suicidal? am i right in saying 'doesn't everybody feel like that?'#or are some of you just being dramatic cunts who don't know what the fuck they're saying#or has everyone gone through at least one thing that would make them want to end it and am i just being cruel?#i am a positive person. this is partially bc it is in my nature to be excited abt things but mostly it is on purpose.#every day it is on purpose. it's a habit ive built and sometimes the habit falters. sometimes i don't realize when ive started slipping.#but eventually i always do and it sucks shit and it's hard as fuck and annoying as fuck bc it's so much easier to lay down and never#get up again but i fucking choose to get up because life is meant to be lived and you have to live on purpose in order#for your life to be anything that YOU want it to be rather than living in everyone else's world#you have to live in purpose. i live on purpose. and it annoys me so strongly#that there seem to be (again i could be wrong and arrogant and cruel for assuming this) so many people#for whom it takes very little effort to get up in the morning#people who don't spend like 99% of their time Thinking and Thinking and cancelling out the Bad Thinking on purpose#people for whom life is if not easy bc it's not easy for anybody than who don't have to deal with the fucking baggage some of us have#maybe i'm arrogant. maybe years of being told i'm weird and i still haven't managed to get rid of the instinct to make that gap even bigger#maybe maybe maybe. but also i think maybe some of you should shut the damn fuck up and enjoy what you have. if i can then so can you.
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Council of lovefools.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jiang yanli#jiang cheng#They don't have an actual sleepover in this scene but the vibes were so sleepover coded...I had to get them cozied up.#Late night talks with friends and family are some of the best conversations.#My siblings and I used to have room sleepovers with each other (Actually an excuse to stay up and talk about runescape)#Currently my flatmates and I also have really great heart to hearts late into the night.#Pondering shit like 'What defines confidence?“ and ”Why are people terrified of letting themselves fall in love?"#All that aside; There is a really great conversation between JC and WWX here. They are so close and yet so far way from each other!#Fundamentally they *agree* about many things - but JC now has to play the role of someone more 'mature'.#His temper is reigned in and he had to take a more nuanced approach. Whereas WWX can be far more reactionary.#JC has changed to become someone more mature (or at least he is trying).#Contrast this attitude with the scene *right* after where WWX literally goes baby mode with JYL. Rolling around going “I'm Fwee years old”.#When children are hurt we comfort them with hugs and warm food and a laugh. It's not enough when you're an adult. It's not simple anymore.#WWX is stuck in the past when everyone else is shifting and moving on! It's a depression allegory (and just...actual depression)#But we also get to see how some things have stayed the same. They still bicker about soup. They still tease. They are still together.#They all care for each other very much but they are struggling against trauma and are not equipped to talk about it.#You can't really blame WWX for being so protective over JYL. But JC is right: “You don't have a say in who she likes.”#It may have started as an arranged marriage but *she* is *choosing* what her heart wants. JC sees that. WWX cannot.#The final act of love is letting go after all.
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Different standards
#didnt mean to do this one in quote unquote colour but it wasnt legible without it so. heres a treat i suppose#isat#isat spoilers#in stars and time#in stars and time fanart#isat fanart#isat loop#isat bonnie#lucabyteart#coughs up a lung. anyway. ramble time as per usual. this is what i was warming up for btw in case it wasnt obvious#besides being another entry in the 'letting bonnie read loop for filth on accident' series. this is mostly self indulgent musings on#headcanons (and i will just use that word here.) ive previously rambled about in other tags and posts#namely: in the scenario that loop integrates into the party as a New Person for quite a while before The Truth Come Out. i feel they have#a decent chance at really scoring a slam dunk in becoming a guardian figure for bonnie? loop's demeanor is already colder and a tiny#bit more level-headed than siffrin's in the way they seem to discuss bonnie with them. namely pointing out that bonnie#never really hated them. it seems to be one thing they're genuinely at peace with? they've seen by now the truth that bonnie#was just scared and upset. and likely now knows that what bonnie wants is to be treated with grown-up respect within reason. plus loop#already scores bonus points with bonnie since they didnt 1. fuck up bad like sif did in act 5 and 2. saved sif in the party's eyes#... but then when it turns out that this clean-slate relationship with a stranger was siffrin being deceitful? must have been odd.#bonnie seems to really dislike being lied to. the question is whether they'd see it that way? would they feel betrayed there?#anyway. this is set after all those emotions are at least settled some. loop able to be more physically affectionate... and yet#still not letting themselves be quite as close as they'd like perhaps. perhaps...#anyway translucent pyjamas because i dont care if you're comforting a crying child you've GOT to SERVE!!!#and also i feel like the party probably wouldn't let loop stay completely naked for that long. especially not post-reveal anyway
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One of my first digital pieces (2010) versus one of my recent ones (2024)
We all start somewhere!
#picked these cause they're in a similar pose lol. i mean not at all. but sort of... more than my other art at least...#oh fuck im so tired im saving this to drafts and coming back later#my anxiety meds wipe me the fuck out so im trying not to take them in the day#and they're like legit borderline a sleeping med for me. i take one and in 30 mins im OUT.#so I'm. i mean i was already only taking 1-2 in the day and then 2-3 at night#anyways it makes me sad when people say they dont have an artistic bone in their body#and especially when they say they could never draw like me :(#dont put yourself down to lift me up! i don't want my art to be used for you to be mean to yourself!!!#lots of experiences of people comparing themselves to me and being mean to themself...#feels bad. it's okay if you're slow it's okay to be learning it's okay!!!#I'm me and you're you and we're here to learn from each other. i just wanna hang out..#y'know what I'm just gonna post without saying anything i WILL forget I made a draft#i have so many things i intend to post and then forget#it's a wonder I post anything#i only do it when i get bored. and run out of stuff to scroll through#like whelp. guess if i want a post I have to make one myself.#also the second one is really good idc that it's a study i still drew it#art growth#this was in 2010 btw#i started highschool in 2011#I've grown a lot and you can too.#also I've never really been one to dislike my old art. like idk I was trying... if it's bad I just won't look at it whatever#like i wouldn't be mean to someone else who made that so i don't get a free pass to be mean just cause it's to me#man my thoughts are bungled. okay sleep time#if my phone made typos you didn't see it
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Kingdom Hearts 3 - Rage Form
#kingdom hearts 3#kh3#sora#rage form#arendelle#formchange#my gif#rage form is so intriguing#sora still behaves in a wild animalistic fashion similar to his anti form but it's different#anti form felt as if he relinquished all self control and acted strictly on instinct just like a heartless#he used to run around hunched over on all fours and fight tooth and claw with reckless abandon#but here you can at least see SOME semblance of who he is. he's able to wield his keyblade while in this form which is pretty major#he still fights in an absolutely chaotic and primal manner but it feels evolved#the big difference is you call upon rage form at will. he channels his rage and darkness in a desperate last resort to stay alive#which is very significant but he still loses some control like the ability to use of magic; items; shotlocks; etc#it's cool to see darkness used in this way but i really want sora to able to explore themes of darkness within himself in future games#i want these to be more than cool forms with fun gameplay. i want them to have implications that something dark is brewing and needs to be-#brought to the surface and tackled head on because we've never seen anyone capable of cloaking themselves in darkness in such a way#take riku's dark form for example. he's in control and he's very much still himself. it's entirely different#on another note i'm now thinking about how hp is fully restored when activating rage form but you have the choice to give it up again-#when using risk charge. it'll increase attack damage but you're still walking a dangerous line in the pursuit of power
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hungy
#forever sad that I couldn't stroll into the epilogue party on the arm of my beautiful concerned bf :(#even the letter was insult to injury#he calls you FRIEND?!?!!11 (ꐦ¬_¬)#at least have him send a sappy romantic illithid qualith if you're not gonna have him there oh my god.......#my art#bg3 emperor#emperor bg3#bg3#I like the idea of my pally tav being a shitty mindflayer#cause for some reason the tadpole still wants to remain a paladin too#my failgirl pallyflayer: *cheems voice* I need to see them commit a crime before I kill them so I don't bweak my oaf :'(#the emperor: *buff shiba* I ate 5 selunite cleric brains on the way over here#bg3 spoilers
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i know that disney is too big to boycott effectively but that shouldn't translate to "and so we should keep buying their products like normal" but rather "at the very least we should try"
#i know they have their fingers in a lot of pies but#i've just been thinking#bc i don't watch star wars or sports or marvel and i don't rlly watch tv/cable anymore#and i haven't bought a disney product or gone to the theme parks#and as far as i know disney doesn't facilitate a necessity that can't be circumvented#and at the VERY‚ very least‚ we're supposed to pressure them#the way i personally interpret that is 'avoid directly supporting them as much as you can'#bc i'm aware that you could accidently support them by proxy by buying something they've invested in#which is why we're supposed to PRESSURE rather than BOYCOTT#but i just also want to see disney downfall in my lifetime but that's neither here nor there#idk man#i was so excited to hear abt the book of bill but I don't think i could stomach#directly supporting the company that pledged $2million to the occupation project#free palestine#and don't forget that you can still sail the seven seas (or just go buy old dvds! I need to build a collection)#lol it's easy to boycott if you're broke !
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#aaaaand just like that he's gone#(feels so surreal doesn't it?)#well done starlight#you okay tho#no seriously#you still with us?#hey-#WELL IM DEFINITELY NOT OKAY THIS SHIT HAD BEEN SITTING IN MY WIP FOLDER FOR A M O N T H#do you wanna know why#KAZOODOOR THAT'S WHY#BITCH KEPT MESSING EVERYTHING UP#DUDE YOU'RE DEAD HOW CAN YOU STILL BE SO ANNOYING#THIS ISN'T EVEN ABOUT YOU YOU'RE JUST A DECORATION HERE#REST IN PISS#NOBODY MISSES U#RRRRRRRAAAHHHHHHHHHHH#well at least our little star seems fine#he's not even crying#looks like he may in a second tho#BUT as art is all about CAPTURING THE MOMENT here's the moment where he's NOT crying#yet#and would you look at that I'm disrespecting the rules of anatomy again#kazoo's spine is broken#THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR KEEP MESSING UP MY PICTURE#Astarion did the stabstab I did the crackcrack#no regrets#astarion#bg3#baldur's gate 3#astarion fanart
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A redraw of an old thing because exam season is the only time i get creative energy ig
#but no fr i just came home from 2 consecutive exams. like consecutive as in one after the other in 2 hours#next week is all finals and theyre all like 2 hours 1 in the morning and 1 in the afternoon like bro#whatevs tho medical update THE MEDS ARE WORKING alhamdulilallah i feel im getting way more energy :)#2 years on immunosuppressants and at least 3 months of corticosteroids which means no salt :( BUT we are getting thru it#im cooking again :')#ok enough my life is not what you're here for. idk if cbeeduo at the end of 2023 *is* but idc#i just rly missed them yk and the vibes and the place i was in plus i have fun drawing them so suck it#i hope my good cbee mutuals enjoy this love yall#my art#dsmp fanart#cranboo#ctubbo#cbeeduo#fashion notes for the cool peeps still reading is i am dying on the hill that cranboo was decked in a 70s aunt wardrobe argue with the wall#also tubbo cowboy cus. like. look at him.#will probably draw tommy next i rly miss him. nothing big as always im a doodle kinda guy at heart#anyway xoxo love yall still here <33#fennec.art
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gm_liminal_commercial
created by RileySV
#garry's mod#gmod#source engine#half life 2#sandbox#hearted#a car in the parking lot. no evident signs of life aside from your presence. the lights and heating in here are on. external doors locked#some stores are still in states of occupation but clearly none of them are actually doing business anymore#where are you? why are you here?#maybe you're in a weird vestigial janitor's position— showing up to move odds and ends out and make sure no one's broken in#maybe just a very boring security job for the last couple weeks#maybe (and this is a stretch) you work in the diner downstairs that still seems to be at least *approaching* functional?#most appealing idea to me is just being someone walking home from work/school and finding one of the front doors left propped open#you stop in and can't help but wander the still-furnished stores and marvel at the stillness#there's a threatening feeling when these liminal maps block or lock exit doors that feels very obvious and it's not entirely missing here#but it doesn't feel like very *present* danger? i can't help but compare it to sneaking through an abandoned building#you're not really in any danger aside from maybe getting told off by a security guard who probably doesn't care#but this map inspires way more positive comfy feelings in me than it does any fear. it's a callback to the urbexing teen years i didn't hav#and a reminder of just how much dead retail space now pockmarks my neck of the woods
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Voice actors are NOT the same as actors.
It takes a specific kind of skill-set and training to be able to warp and meld the voice. It takes a certain kind of talent and dedication to hone that talent into the ability to meld the voice and invoke emotion with one's voice alone. Actors are used to using their voice secondarily to their body language and their facial expressions. It's all mirrored back on camera. They do have nuance. But it's a different kind of nuance and a different kind of training to produce that nuance.
Voice actors might get their likeness transposed on their character's design, and maybe their mannerisms might seep into the character's animation. But when it's all said and done: their presence is in their voice. They are bringing a character to life, showing that emotion in their voice, trying to keep a specific accent, drawl, pitch, tone in that voice and keep it consistent for their recording sessions.
The voice actor is like a classically trained musician who can play first chair in a competitive, world-renown orchestra. The actor (who fills the voice actor's role) is like a moot who played violin in beginner and intermediate high school orchestra and thinks they can get into Juilliard with that 2-4 years of experience.
This doesn't mean that the HS orchestra moot can't play. They can even be really good at it. Maybe they won competitions and sat first chair. But they are not in the same league as the person who's been training their whole lives and lives and breathes to hone their craft using the instrument and all of the training they've ever acquired to perfect it. They are not meant for the same roles. They are not in the same caliber. You do not hire the HS equivalent when you want to play complex music in a competitive orchestra.
Actors are not the same as voice actors.
And furthermore, actors - especially big name actors - taking the roles of animated characters for big budget films or TV pilots makes no sense anyways when - at least in the case of TV pilots - there's not a point to hiring a big budget actors anyways. That money could be used elsewhere (like paying your animators), and the talent that is brought onto the screen for X character could then be hired on to voice said character no recasting required.
I wouldn't say voice acting as a profession is in danger exactly, but it's certainly being disrespected and overlooked for celebrity clout, and this has ALWAYS been an issue. Shoot, even Robin Williams knew that much - which is why he tried so hard not to be used as a marketing chess piece for Aladdin and got royally pissed off when it happened anyways. People shouldn't go to any movie (but especially not animated films) because "oh famous actor is in it". People should go because it's a good movie and the voice acting is good.
People who honest to god think that voice actors are replaceable because "oh well anyone can voice act" or "I like xyz celebrity so naturally it'll be good" ... Honestly I just wish you'd reassess your priorities because you're missing the point and are part of the problem.
Voice Actors ≠ Actors.
#(i am incredibly passionate about this)#(and seeing celebrity voice actors in what should be a voice actor's role completely burns my buns it doesn't matter WHO it is)#(hemsworth as optimus? someone tell me one good reason why they couldn't get a good v/a to replace mr. cullen properly for the future)#(ben shwartz as sonic? dude literally isn't even a good voice actor OR actor anyways-)#(- A N D jason griffith AND my boy roger craig smith are still RIGHT HERE)#(jason griffith IN PARTICULAR would have pulled back SO many sonic fans that went to watch the film anyways. if not /more/.)#(and on top of that he has the same tonality and energy they tried to force this moshmo to try and emulate anyways so GET THE REAL THING)#(chris pratt as mario? i can at least defend /him/ and say that barring his failure to do a NY accent consistently he wasn't terrible)#(but mario's new voice actor could've been used instead and people would've clearly appreciated that WAY more)#(vanessa hudgens as sunny starscout in mlp g5's pilot movie? literally why. they replace her and hitch's va in the show.)#(don't even get me started on the concept of hiring celebrity singers to do musical theatre roles or not letting musical theatre singers-)#(-dub the celebrity voice actors you just HAD to hire for your film bc you're so worried about not getting enough clout to get ppl in seats#(that you're putting it all in this (1) big name hire bc turns out that you have no faith in your writing ability much less-)#(-animation as a medium.)#(and no before anyone says anything : no this is not me saying that ALL celebrity voice castings are bad.)#(there are some that aren't that bad and others that are actually pretty good.)#(i especially appreciate it when actors are damn well aware they aren't voice actors and try to LEARN from voice coaches-)#(-and/or their va predecessors if applicable.)#(that does not change the fact that the celebrity shouldn't have been hired just because the film wanted to have bragging clout-)#(-oh look at this FAMOUS PERSON we were able to hire — yeah ok. sure wendy. i want to know if this film is quality or not.)#(and 9/10 times the SECOND there is money spent on a non voice actor to voice the main character especially)#(that usually means somewhere along the way animation IS going to get shafted. if not w the animators themselves then in the way of-)#(-the actual animation itself and ESPECIALLY the screenwriting because it's especially been so dogshit lately even before the strike.)#(a celebrity being hired to fill a voice actor's role is such an immediate red flag to me and it is VERY rare that i get to be proven wrong
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tbh i do think its annoying when people tag poly ships as all the variants of that poly ship (i.e., #ABC #AB #AC #BC). i am not going into the clois tag because i want to see bruce wayne. i am not going into the timkon tag because i want to see bernard dowd. please. if i wanted to see that guy shipped with these guys i'd be in the poly ship tag. get that man out of here
#rimi talks#idk it just feels like ... inaccurate tag etiquette?#bc at least to me poly ship ABC generally is not the same thing as AB AC and BC individually. thats a different dynamic#like i GUESS if you're doing A dating B and B dating C and NOT A and C that fits...#like you can make that argument but in that case idk that that's poly ship ABC that's just AB and BC coexisting?#idk. that's probably splitting hairs. but still#tis a pet peeve of mine. i do not want to see some third guy when i am looking for the two guys#even if its a third guy i generally don't hate to see like hes not what im here for :(#like at least on ao3 i can filter out extra ships but tumblr tags. eugh.#my fault for venturing into them i suppose but ALAS
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#dbtag#silly hours#god#I feel like that's a really clear and consistent thing throughout the entirety of the manga but OTL leave it to Toei!!!!#lays on the floor I wish people were less afraid of letting “good guys” be flawed and selfish and reckless without having to like.#idk vilify them?#like Goku does and always has had a ton of negative qualities about him but what keeps him a protag and what keeps those negatives charming#is that 1) he never promises to be anything Else. If you're upset by his behavior that's a you problem Goku's just doing Goku#He's only upset when Other People get hurt because 2) almost none of those negative qualities contain any malice whatsoever#even as a kid when he was 'i killed that guy' it was like 'i solved a problem why are you mad (gen)' not 'good fucking riddance lol'#and he kept that as an adult too even when he learned more about compassion he's still 'well if you're not gonna stop i have to kill you'#it's never 'fuck off and die' it's always 'listen buddy either you knock it off or i knock you out there is no option c '#and god i love that Goku. I spent so long thinking I hated Goku growing up but I only hated Toei's Goku. Toriyama's Goku is GREAT.#like look if an antagonist is just a hero with the wrong perspective a hero is just a villain with the right one#and the fact that Goku has all of the qualities of a villain with none of the malice or intention makes him SO POWERFUL as a character#Goku doesn't like bystanders getting hurt. That doesn't make him less chaotic and self-centered and simplistic in his worldview.#A hero sacrifices his loved ones to save the world -- a villain sacrifices the world to save his loved ones --#Goku sacrifices himself because you cannot kill him in any way that matters#idskahds anyway here's another essay in the tags for your wednesday evening scroll#the justification the interviewer gave was that the anime was for kids but my beef with that is that Hero Tropes strip chaotic characters#of their emotions. Goku's conflicts are emotional. Goku's power is emotional. Goku's childlikeness keep him authentically emotional.#MORE kids -- ESPECIALLY little boys -- deserve a male protagonist who leans into his emotions to persevere and win.#Super deciding his “angelic state” would kill him makes me want to tear my hair out lmao Goku's EMOTIONS are too strong to hold it.#you could've just asked toriyama about it why'd you decide on the most basic high-stakes shorthand possible OTL#aNYWAY#media analysis#in the tags at least lol
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Fiddauthor shippers I'm so sorry for doubting you y'all were right all along you DO have a leg to stand on.
Like I'm no huge shipper and I still don't feel the overwhelming need to ship them and I don't think they're like starcrossed lovers or anything. But the password. To the laptop. Was Stanford. HELLO?? FIDDLEFORD??? WHAT? Fiddleford does your wife know about this. Like I'm not saying "gay gay homosexual gay" y'know what I mean like I wouldn't go that far in this instance. But I AM saying that if I were Mrs. McGucket and my husband set his laptop password to the name of his old college buddy (and proceeded to take a no-end-date-determined business trip up to his cottage in Oregon) I'd be like "babe is there something you need to tell me"
#I still don't REALLY ship it#and if I do it's not nearly as strong as say narumitsu#but fiddleford. fiddlesticks. ol' fiddler. buddy. pal. bestie. angel.#you're not helping your case here. this is the point you have to start questioning if you've at least got some repressed SOMETHING goin on#gravity falls#fiddleford mcgucket#stanford pines#fiddauthor#sigh
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What does Jazaiti social structure look like, irt mothers? Or like, what role do they play
Some things to be clear on beforehand:
Child: a young Jazait is considered functionally genderless and occupies this age-gender group until puberty. A child is classified as a man when testes descend (though occupies a secondary ‘young man’ space until full completion of puberty). A child becomes a woman at completion of baseline female puberty (having a fully developed mane and having undergone a growth spurt). Man: gender assignment for adult individuals with a penis and testes. They will be wed to mothers. Woman: gender assignment for adult individuals with vaginas who do NOT have active estrus cycles. Most will remain women throughout their lives and be unwed, some will become mothers. Mother: gender assignment for individuals with vaginas who DO have active estrus cycles (considered a mother regardless of if they have actually had children or not). A woman can become a mother and all mothers were once women, but these are distinct and separate gender roles. Elder mother: not a specific gender role- a post-fertile mother who no longer has an active estrus cycle. Clanmother: not a specific gender role- the current eldest mother in any given clan, who acts as its leader.
In typical elowey development, sexually mature males + nonreproductive females are minimally dimorphic, and sexual traits apart from genitalia are usually indistinct. Average size and build is approximately the same, females tend to have larger cuspids. The most strongly dimorphic feature is in scent, with most adult males and females having distinct smells.
Reproductive females on the other hand are more strongly dimorphic- there is typically an additional growth spurt and gain of body fat/muscle, voices deepen, manes grow longer and thicker, nipples grow longer and some breast tissue is accumulated (though not as much as humans, elowey only have fully developed breasts during lactation). Their scent is also distinct from males and nonreproductive females.
All elowey undergo puberty that results in an individual becoming sexually mature and physiologically capable of reproduction, but the estrus/ovulation cycles of females are hormonally suppressed by proximity of a reproductive female. A female’s estrus cycle will initiate on its own with time in the absence of a reproductive female, and will be directly initiated through sexual activity. Non-reproductive females will typically have a sex drive equivalent to a reproductive female when not in estrus- sex may be desirable in being physically pleasurable or as an act of affection, but baseline libido levels are low. Hormonal suppression cannot completely preclude the initiation of estrus (though will typically cause it to be irregular) and would be supplemented by behavioral suppression (the socially dominant reproductive female preventing others from mating) in pre-behaviorally modern ancestors. Instinct towards behavioral suppression often translates into social control of female sexual activity in elowey cultures, but this is not universal.
(^^The baseline physiology described here is universal to elowey, not just Jazait)
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Jazait culture is mother-matriarchal, in which mothers are socially and politically dominant to men and women. All women have the potential to become mothers, but most never will, and only inherit the dominant social status upon this occurring. Being a mother is reckoned as a blessed, elevated state and one that is purely natural to occupy positions of strength and leadership, with related men and women being better suited for supporting roles and exacting her will.
Mothers have greater religious status in society and are deemed to be beings made in the sun-mother's image, who is the creator god in Jazaiti religious belief (accompanied by one other (non-creator) god, the moon-father(s), understood as one and three beings and her husband(s)). Their fertility is reckoned as being a gift from the sun-mother. This blessing extends beyond procreation and allows for mothers to work through the sun-mother to encourage needed growth and new life (in fish stocks, livestock, agriculture and forage, singing down the rains, etc). Jazaiti religion (and culture itself) is heavily decentralized, and a clanmother will be the spiritual leader of any given family group and will impart accumulated religious knowledge of generations onto her descendants.
The use of scent glands has strong applications in Jazait culture, particularly in the case of a clanmother. A clanmother will undergo a yearly ceremony in which she journeys around the limits of her clan's land and applies wrist gland secretions along the way, enforcing a protective ring that dissuades the entrance of evil spirits and forms a metaphysical boundary, a sense of 'here' and 'there'. She will also mark the faces of newborn children as means of fully initiating and accepting them into the clan. In any case where a person, place, or thing needs spiritual enforcement as belonging to a clan, this task falls to the clanmother. Any mother's scent is regarded as having properties of blessing, particularly in association with fertility.
A mother's status will generally be passed onto her eldest daughter upon completing rites of initiation, who will be wed and move out of her mothers household (thus eliminating hormonal suppression and allowing for sexual contact to more rapidly initiate estrus). The clanmother has the ultimate say in whether other daughters can become mothers, and will make this decision on a variety of factors- reading the will of the sun-mother, their own opinion on the daughter's suitability for the role, political strategy and necessity (or lack thereof) for additional marriages with another clan, and material concerns of territory and sustenance (a clan can only sustain so many families, with only the wealthiest and most powerful clans having many mothers therein).
This society has a clan system wherein the eldest mother (usually past reproductive age) has the primary and final say in the affairs of her clan. Her husbands will be considered clanfathers and have an elevated rank among other men in the clan. Clans follow a rank hierarchy of clanmother > mothers > clanfathers > husbands > women and unwed men > children.
The number of men is highly disproportionate to the number of mothers, and as such most marriages are polyandrous. One’s number of husbands is usually directly proportionate to one’s wealth, both in indicating access to resources to sustain a large family, and in practical measure, as a dowry is paid to the mother of each male spouse. Husbands will be absorbed into their wife’s clan (though this establishes ties and responsibilities with his former clan), and kinship is matrilineal and makes no distinction between children of different husbands.
A child’s biological father will often be circumstantially known, but this direct relation is not of great importance as each husband is considered a father to all associated children. Due to potential ambiguity in fatherhood and purely matrilineal descent, extramaritial affairs are not of substantial consequence and resulting children will not be considered bastards, but this this is generally frowned upon as lowly and undignified behavior.
Clans are typically very large and spread widely with clan-affiliated families occupying vast territories. Different mothers in the same clan do not directly interact on a regular basis and typically only assemble for festivities and rites, or to discuss matters of utmost importance in person. They will instead use their husbands as messengers (often one husband ends up specifically designated as a messenger, which is a loosely esteemed status as this will often indicate the greatest trust and affection).
The Jazait have no specified warrior culture (this doesn’t mean conflict is nonexistant, just that there is no strongly developed traditions surrounding it). Most women and men will have learned basic self defense and will know how to handle a spear or knife, and will fill roles of warriors in times of conflict. Mothers tend to be protected from directly engaging in combat, and will act as commanders and mediators in all but the most dire of circumstances. Mothers entering combat is a common narrative motif in Jazait storytelling and folklore, used to demonstrate the profound gravity of a conflict.
All members of a family/clan participate in childcare, with married men and mothers being the primary childrearers and the most involved in the domestic sphere and near the home (producing textiles, cooking, farm labor, etc). Women perform the majority of non-domestic labor (in traditional subsistence, this will be fishing, leviathan hunting, foraging, and some herding). This is not itself a gendered role and is partially just pragmatism- most women will go their entire lives without becoming mothers (and will thus be unmarried), while most men will be married, so there’s a greater proportion of women available for tasks away from the home.
The sexual behavior of men and especially women is strongly controlled. Men are expected to solely engage in potentially reproductive behavior with mothers, and women are expected to engage in no sexual behavior with men whatsoever (unless in the context of becoming mothers, as dictated and approved by their own). A woman who becomes pregnant without her mother's consent will technically become a mother (as this act will have been in the context of the estrus cycle self-initiating via sexual contact, and the resulting physical changes will occur), but this is deeply shameful and the theft of a great gift, and will typically result in her exile from the clan, and she and her children being clanless (conceptually close to ‘bastard’ status). This status is effectively permanent and may be socially and materially devastating, depriving the mother and child from their support network and the core unit of Jazait society. The only potential salvation occurs if the father’s clanmother makes the decision to accept the clanless child (and sometimes mother) into her own clan.
Clanless Jazait often form their own communities as means for mutual support, or may be strongly driven to turn to finding work amid other peoples as means of supporting themselves and their children. A significant proportion of Jazait who participate in Imperial Wardi society are clanless, and most established Jazait diasporic communities are at least partly Wardinized- no communities at large are fully assimilated into Wardi culture, but most participate in Wardi-esque marriage patterns as a means of sustaining their communities in this different cultural/subsistence context, and many have adopted syncretic Jazaiti-Wardi faith systems.
There is no direct stigma towards homosexual behavior, though it will be seen as more natural between women (having no other sexual outlets) than between men. While homosexual behavior itself is unstigmatized, men and mothers are fully expected to play reproductive roles in a marriage, and women tasked with becoming mothers (which will involve sexual activity with a man via their first husband) have little say in the matter.
The conceptualization of gender is a strict trinary, with no specified roles that divergence from the man - woman - mother construction. The status of intersex people depends on their variation- many intersex traits will go unnoticed or interpreted as infertility (especially due to minimal sexual dimorphism between males and non-reproductive females), and others tend to be interpreted as negative physical abnormalities.
#Kind of just became a post about gender roles as a whole but if you're still following me at this point you're here for the Paragraphs#Also should note because like. Estrus in fantasy tends to be at least a LITTLE bit of a fetishy 'I HAVE TO FUCK NOW OR I WILL DIE' thing#so like. To be clear it is NOT that wild. If you ovulate/have average libido levels and notice a higher libido While ovulating that's prett#much what it's like. Being in estrus is like your highest average day to day horniness levels while being out of estrus is like your lowest#Also might be experienced a bit like menstruation in effects on moods- one might be more irritable and prone to mood swing while#in estrus#There are some additional dimensions to it particularly in that involves perceivable physical effects- bare skin is flushed and the#anogenital region swells (this is expected to be publicly concealed in Jazaiti culture). Also one's scent changes in a way that will be#recognized as indicating fertility. All of these things will be instinctually considered Hot and someone in estrus will generally#be considered elevated in physical attractiveness.#This won't drive people into mad unbridled lust but will make the person in estrus more sexually desirable to most sensibilities.#jazait
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at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!
#i have had this stupid fucking rule for myself for years since i was little#''dont speak unless you're spoken to or else something bad will happen. nobody wants to hear what you have to say unless they ask''#I TELL MYSELF THAT ALL THE TIME????#AND I DIDNT REALIZE IT WASNT NORMAL#thats not something that healthy people think to themselves whenever they want to talk to people. they just talk to them#they dont tell themselves not to speak to people for fear of what may happen to them jesus christ spacie#i get so scared when i message anybody ANYTHING#bc everything and anything i wanna talk about feels so stupid why would anyone give a shit#staring at a funny joke i want to send someone for 30 fucking minutes before deleting it b/c my brain is like ''errmm who cares?''#''also they're going to yell at you for wasting their time!!!''#i sent my friend a meme once and had a panic attack (or maybe a flashback?? im still trying to figure out what they are) immediately after#this shit sucks dude. it sucks#at least im processing what happened to me. thats why it hurts so bad rn its been stockpiled for like.#2 decades#im not looking for any sympathy here im just putting it out there#so that anybody who feels the same way i do know they're not alone#ive been struggling everyday for like 2 months now (actually DEFINITELY longer)#it will get better. things just need to be taken one step at a time#i have gotten thru my worst days i have a 100% success rate#how many days have i been alive#7930#lightwork#lets keep it goin#vent#trauma tw#trauma mention#wrote this post thru a flashback btw!! dealing with them is getting easier#before i would be unable to function for days at a time!!!#with one of the most recent ones i had i was so in the thick of it i avoided everyone i knew for a week cuz i was convinced#i was an evil unlovable freak that only wanted to hurt people
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