#at least to my weeb ass

[greenvillainredemption]

Encantober Day 4 - Head Pats

Referenced from this gif

[wonboos]

tagged by @meowonhao and @scoups, thank you 🩵

tagging @wnjunhui, @jeonsupershy, @aaniag and @scuopsie (only if you want to do it and/or haven't done it before, otherwise feel free to ignore)

[nat-20s]

Laying out a conspiracy board with pictures and string but it's just me trying to figure out which of my friends would like being friends with each other

[snakespeare]

My boss brought her kids to work and her 13 y/o daughter drew an anime picture of me 🥺🥺🥺

[gremlingottoosilly]

König giving his card to reader to splurge with, not on designer bags or clothing, but their expensive ass gaming set up. And it has to be those cute ones too, which are somehow more expensive than just wanting to have a plain setup. Reader definitely wears those headphones with cat ears on them.

Konig would definitely have a discord kitten during COVID-19; you can't change my mind. Imagine this man, being stuck in some half-abandoned mission because covid ruined too many plans and rendered half of the enemy's squad useless while also taking at least a quarter of his soldiers...so, he is stuck at the base somewhere really fucking far away, with nothing to do besides hating on Kortac's higher-ups and liking the fact that him wearing a mask in public finally doesn't look weird. He is still bored out of his mind, however, and he still wants something to do. Anything. Oh, also, he is still a loser and a weeb in hiding, using highly protected internet at base to watch pirated anime and get into arguments with chronically online teens on Discord. This is how he met you, actually. Not a teen, thank god, but surely chronically online. You said he had the charm of an autistic creature. You said that him being a war criminal is kinda problematic but, then again, some of your friends were into self-shipping with characters from war games, so he is kinda forgiven. You're saying words that he doesn't understand, but he is willing to spend hours on Urban Dictionary just so he could fish you into sending him nudes. Konig is stuck at some god-forgotten military base, but he still sends you money - mostly because having your nudes tailored to him and his perverted interests is much more fun than jerking off at some random porn model and also because he likes to think that you depend on him. He makes you send him photos of everything - shiny new computer he bought from the last sniping bonus, those expensive as fuck cat ear headphones that shine adorably in the ring light of your room. Konig who makes you facetime him for a quick e-sex - although he never turns on his camera, he loves to see you fuck yourself on the sex toy he sends you(something definitely too big for you, but he likes to see how quickly you can overcome challenges). If you want that shiny new PC setup, you have to work for it - and unfortunately for you, he found it really easy to get your exact address because of all the purchases. Don't be alarmed when he finally shows up after deployment, okay?

[randomsufff]

Ok, to the like 5 Michie girlies (I see y’all, I appreciate y’all 🫡) I’ve cooked a bit hear me out:

In Literal Monster one of the nerds says “I once was his tutor, then I regarded my future”- so that implies he needs a tutor/ is academically failing, right? But it seems he actually needed and valued it because the tutor seemingly worked for, at the very least, a day before quitting on her own terms… (DO YOU GUYS SEE THE VISION)

So- everyone lives/nobody dies AU where Richie is the one who saves Max, Max- who thinks the gang threw him this party+Richie saving his football season (cause he would totally value that more then his life come on)- is like, on neutral/ friendlier terms with the gang, bla bla bla something happens and Max asks (basically forces lmao) Richie into tutoring him. (Reasons why Max can’t just cheat off of Richie can range from him sitting next to Grace to Richie gaining a bit of confidence seeing Max ask him for help and saying no (but plz don’t kill me I’ll still help you)).

Bing Bang Boom, redemption arc for Max as he falls for the cringe ass failure of a anime weeb. Very slowly! but surely.

(Plus you get so many funny scenarios- The gang finding out Richies helping their bully-turned-maybe friend????(at least he thinks so), RUTH FINDING OUT (I KNOW that girl reads/writes hardcore smut fanfic), Max slowly getting into anime via osmosis (would he like Attack on Titian? I feel like yes.) etc. Endless possibilities here.)

[rosypenguins]

I am NOT the you are to drew like Henry is to me anon I am a completely different person however. I'd like to share a little something about Henry.

I had a friend on discord once and we talked about Henry quite a lot, and we made what is what I think my FAVOURITE Henry theory of all time.

Okay, think about it: what's the ONE tmf character that has a design trait that literally HIDES or CHANGES their real appearance to the audience? That's right; HENRY. Henry's real EYES are never seen (except for the glow up video which I'm really not counting because that's like... a silly little thing BUT ANYWAY) in the show. And we all know eyes are the window to the soul. What I'm getting at here is that I don't think that Henry is genuine, not in a malicious way, but in some sort of... like, joke... way?? Gosh I can't explain it but here look.

Think about it. Why the hell would Henry spit gum into Zoeys hair? ZOEY, aka Drew's girlfriend, aka THAT ZOEY? For the comedic value. Because its funny.

Why does he like lettuce juice? Really think about it. Really. What. Does lettuce juice. Taste like. Just fucking water. Maybe terrible water but you can't juice a fucking lettuce. This is a gag, yes, but the only closer similar gag is maybe Zander drinking grape juice I guess... but that's not similar. Grapes can be juiced. Where would you even GET a lettuce juice box? That's right, NOWHERE. Henry must've crafted those boxes, or at least stuck a sticker onto a green juice box, for a bit. Wouldn't that be insane ass effort to put into a bit? Hell, the juice is green. If you juice a lettuce it wouldn't be green. It's not a lettuce smoothie, it's a "lettuce juice". Meaning that Henry either getting green juice or dying water himself isn't out of the picture.

Why is he always goofing around? Sure, you can say thats just his silly goofy aura, but just THINK. He is DESIGNED with silly goofy in mind. His literal physical appearance is silly. HE LITERALLY HAS MEME EYES. HE'S THE ONLY ONE WITH MEME. EYES.

I know this is just an archetype. I know he's just a character.

But just. Think.

He isnt just "a comedic relief character", he IS the comedic relief character. In their show. That's the role he put on himself. The role he's putting effort to play no matter the consequence.

But why would that be? I mean, look at Liam! He's silly and goofy too, why am I doing this whole ass essay?

I bring another point into discussion; the fact that he's a WEEB.

A DORK.

A GEEK.

Now, I may be projecting just a smidge here, but that just means I have personal experiences of that happening.

We all know Drewy Bear loves to adopt absolute fucking losers and up their status, as shown with Jake. And, come on, think about it, Henry is like THE most bulliable character in the show, no offense. So, what I'm proposing,

Is that Henry must've gotten bullied before too. It would make total sense! He's a weeb, excitable, probably says "nani!?" Unironically, etc. And you know, sometimes when you're picked on... you really start to internalise that shit. Sometimes the attention you get from people laughing at you feels good. Terrible, hurtful, and devastating... but good. Because they find you funny.

And you then put ALL your effort into being funny. That's the only thing you're gonna be, after all, you're hillarious. Oh, you can only eat X food? What are you, a rabbit? Hahaha, turn that into a funny bit! Etc, etc etc.

We don't know how long this went on or how long Henry was a Dromie, but one things for sure (in my theory): all of this slowly made him less and less of a person, and more and more of just a joke.

And no, the lettuce thing isn't a reach. I've had this genuinely happen to me personally; people kept on making fun of me because I had to soften my food because of my chronic fatigue, so i turned it into a bit. I'm not ruling this out for Henry.

....

But hey that's just a theory A FREAK THEORY thanks for watching aaaaand send ask

That is a WILD theory but I TOTALLY see what you’re getting at!! That makes so much sense! And it takes his silly role as comic relief and spins it around to be hella depressing. (Turning yourself into the joke just to make people laugh is way too real-😭)

Almost makes me wonder too what if ALL the Jomies were bullied prior to meeting Drew? I mean Liam’s not exactly the definition of cool either. That’d be really interesting to see.

[autumnslance]

So I haven’t gotten far in MSQ (just past Dungeon 1) but how did you feel about Thancred as part of the opposition from a shippy viewpoint? You’re free to throw in other perspectives.

From the earliest FanFest discussions, about this being a contest and the Scions being on opposing teams on this initially lighthearted journey to the west, it always felt like a friendly rivalry to me. People thinking early on this would be a bloodthirsty deathmatch made no sense. Especially given, y'know, the entire storyarcs of Shadowbringers and Endwalker, particularly the way Endsinger was defeated. "With Hearts Aligned" is a revamp of the WoL's theme ("The Maker's Ruin") with the addition of how important the support and love of WoL's friends are to their success.

Anyway. I was looking forward from the start to friendly competition between the team, and wish we did get a tad more of it (particularly there's a point where Thancred mentions being happy to put Alisaie on her ass if it comes to a scrap between them; I've long had headcanons that he and Alisaie tend to train together, given they have similar drives in terms of combat excellence and their reasons for it, and they'd trust each other to push as necessary). It made sense the moment they mentioned that Koana was studying in Sharlayan in 6.55 that he was the one contracting the fellas, and he was likely not the warmonger if he'd lasted so long in the Studium.

(How much Koana assimilated to Sharlayan culture was a bit of a surprise; we were calling him a sheeb in one of my servers--a Sharlayan weeb)

Thancred did not explicitly tell Aeryn he was going to be working for another Promise. The scenes of him spying on the WoL and other Scions that Erenville's recruiting are canon for me, even if Thancred was a little more present between scenes and before leaving town than that part of the MSQ showed (I mean, the guys still lived at the Annex too, when you think of it). What she got from him was that he and Urianger had a contract that would take them out of town for a bit, and he wasn't too concerned about her going off to Tural. "You can teleport more freely than most, and I'm sure we'll see each other soon enough," that damn rogue said when they parted.

And then he showed up on the dock with Koana. She was somewhere between surprised, mad, and amused at how to get back at him. There's maybe a conversation at Many Fires that also leads to other things, a lot of note passing (they're both letter writers, at least in my world), and a few meetings at other times when traveling Yok Tural, or when back in Tuliyollal, where the friendly rivalry adds sparks in Aeryn and Thancred's relationship, working on their playfully competitive natures.

They also initially have plans, after the contest concludes, to meet up somewhere in Xak Tural in their respective explorations of the continent, but the rest of the plot interrupts that.

So yeah. My shippy nonsense for Dawntrail is that the contest allows Aeryn and Thancred to play, letting them relax with no dangerous world-shattering stakes, just friendly rivalry, teasing, and stolen moments that are fun and freeing. And in the second half of the story, when things do get much darker, heavier, and more dangerous again, he plays his supporting role alongside the others and is there afterwards for comfort and care.

[temunitu]

thoughts after seeing mutant mayhem [spoilers obv]

- i thought superfly was stockman at first but finding he was a completely different character was better! that guy was fun :)

- we also didn’t see stockman confirmed dead,,, cyborg stockman, anyone? 👀

- RIP KEVIN YOU WERE MY FAVORITE 😭

- “you ratted us out!” “HEY. don’t use that word that way >:(“ i’m deaddd

- “I DREAM OF FIGHTING EVERY NIGHT” “you’ve got issues, man” / [uses his anger to fucking LIFT A VAN?] “we need to get you in therapy” raph i adore you

- MIKEY’S MAD SKILLS DODGING THE CAR??? THAT WAS SO COOL???? i need to make a music video about this i’m. not ok

- i thought april was an adult from the trailer ngl (she was great! but i do miss adult older sister april :/ ). poor girl still puked in front of all of NY 😭😭😭 but at least she’s april o’hero at school now :)

- donnie is a fucking weeb and i’m here for it. we’ve had dork, we’ve had Tony Stark-esque for rise, now we get weeb :)

- “how’s it feel to have your head stuck so far up dad’s butt? what’s it smell like up there?” “probably cheese and doritos” shuT UPPPPPP /affectionate

- REY FILLET MY BELOVED I WOULD DIE FOR HIM I WPULD KILL FOR HIM I WOULD GO TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH IF HE COULD ACHIEVE HIS DREAMS LET THE MAN RAY SING GODDAMNIT

- ghengis. frog

- i nearly cried from laughing at mondo’s “you know what? i do not accept that apology!” POP OFF KING 👏👏👏

- THEY GOT MILK(ED) 😭😭😭

- i was not expecting superduperfly ngl. i thought that there would be a buncha mutant fish for the sequel. then the music kicked in

- oh my goddddd the music— i’m downloading the soundtrack as we speak

- ALL THE NEW YORKERS HELPING THEM IM GOING TO CRY THIS IS THE ACCURATE DEPICTION OF GIVE-NO-FUCKS KICK-ASS NEW YORKERS IVE ALWAYS WANTED

- SPLINTER FINALLY GETS THE GIRL !!!!! (cockroach?) GOOD FOR THEM 🎉🥳

- and now they go to high school :) their outfits were SO on brand.

- can’t wait to see the sequel THE MAIN MAN IS BACKKK

all in all 12/10 i’m going to buy it as soon as it’s available

[luulapants]

Sorry, I just can't get into anime. The only time in my life I watched anime was one summer during college when my apartment didn't have A/C so every day after work I would go to my girlfriend's weeb friend's place because he was the only other person who stayed in town during the summer and he at least had a decent window unit, and we would drink cheap beer and watch Initial D, which is objectively such a shit-ass show, but every fucking episode ended on a cliffhanger and we were a little drunk and it was ten billion degrees and we didn't really know each other that well but we were both working exhausting jobs that barely paid our bills and eating ramen on the daily we were hot and tired and the show was repetitive and made no sense and every time they drifted the cars (at least once per episode) the characters would flip out like it was the craziest shit they'd ever seen and we'd sit there laughing and bitching about how bad it was, then the cliffhanger would come and we'd shout, "FUCK GOD DAMN IT now we have to watch the next episode, I HATE this show," and we'd put on the next episode and we spent the whole summer like that and by the end of it we still didn't really know each other but also we did and I didn't talk to him after I broke up with that girl until 7 years later when I fell down the stairs in my new house and broke both my legs and he was the only person I knew in town that answered his phone so him and his boyfriend came and carried me to their car and drove me to the hospital and we texted a few times since but stopped, that was last year, and that summer watching Initial D is such a perfect memory, an ephemeral connection with another human being, and it's probably the worst show ever made but no god-tier well-written anime can ever be better than it either, but thank you for your recommendation.

[heartshapedcreaturefromcriptoon]

Okay, yeah... I thought so...

Replies screenshot from my add to this post this post that I accidentally found through an email notification of an @ that you'll see didn't even scan on my tumblr radar on a reblog chain I couldn't add on to again because I blocked OP (good ♥).

This attempt at an @ is still hilarious by the way like OP was so afraid of me she blocked me I literally couldn't fucking hear or responded to any of what you little shits were saying ...

@poutyrootveggie @duncebento @specialmouse Whoaaaaaaa you little mediocre weebshit abled-bodied special needs dunces! I was so shocked that the last tough guy @ from the miku simp with the tumblr badges literally didn't scan and I only found out about this from opening my email and clicking the blog notes!

Yeah, I know you abled-bodied little shits wish god nuked you half as much as she nuked me since you're begging not to be perceived as feeling anything in your legs since you wanna be a vegetable that bad so you can have access to your weeby little comfort items and Mickey D's toys forever because you're never gonna grow up and get laid and I know you're gonna understand this as much as I understand tiktok memes because back in my day it was a Beelzebub Song but let me teach y'all's lil' steven universe sour cream studio ghibli guzzling wannabe misgendering unwashed surfer brah asses about something called hyperbole and sarcasm and metaphor and what a real dramatic "queer reading" means : It means I know and I don't care and if you want me to be nit picky about it y'all are too special needs to even mind your spelling...

And in this context means no disrespect but sometimes I wish I had as much the privilege and confidence as a low support needs abled-bodied autistic on social media explaining a thing about their Fandumb Oppression Olympics to be able to get away with typing like that much of a high support needs retarded version of myself while pretending to be that shocked by what a woman in a wheelchair is saying while causally misgendering her while I don't have any OCD regarding using any sort of punctuation while I'm doing that so abled bodies don't think I'm retarded, because I'm an abled-bodied autistic that can get away with doing the best impression of a retarded version of myself because I'm quirky brah it's not that deep but this lady who I just called "dude" and I have no idea how she feels about that doesn't Know Her Memes TM and that's what matters.

Not that a bunch of abled-bodied autistic weebs are trying to gang up on an actually disabled wheelchair user right now over what again, essentially amounts to a fandumb superiority/bully complex bigger than the weebs on Big Bang Theory and again, essentially started over Spoopynatch dishorse,,,,,

Because when abled-bodied autistics talk like that online or irl itssamememario but if my wheelchair bound arse ever did that in front of an older abled-bodied authority figure or anyone abled-bodied really...! Nitwit school. Special Needs Programing. 9PM curfew stuck in a group home.

Anyway, Homestuck ended years ago go lobotomize yourselves with a sharpy collective hallucination style if you wanna unlive that angy abt it!

Was shit like this why I'm getting so many new followers? Thanks but no thanks kidz go listen to your bops! ;) ♥

Have fun being stuck in your little tenderqueer fandumb mode forever because you made sure Hazbin is my last one but at least I'm a recovering Disney Adult using her Vivzietine patch instead of a little shit gen z otaku who's so spoiled I can get away with pretending to be more brain damaged than I actually am!! ;) ♥ X.O

(But oh, before I go @poutyrootveggie ...

"#ITS A MEME ABOUT PEOPLES UNNECECARY DOGSHIT HELP #I NEED THIS TO BE SATIRE" .. You mean a bunch of unnecessary dog shit like..? A bunch of weebs and apparent Homestuck and Supernatural fans trying to collectively dogpile on a Hazbin Hotel fan sharing on a fandumb post on fandumb website tungle.hel when they try to scold you about wishing you were doing s satire when they don't understand hyperbole and you wish that this abled bodied shit autistic with a Miku plushie for an icon and tumblr badges was a satire in and of themselves but deep down you know they're seriously pathetic enough to think, again that, causally misgendering and harassing a wheelchair bound woman for barking too loud about their own Special Interest Demon Discourse TM on a post made by a person with the studio ghibli cat TM as their icon talking about their demon shit rusty nail show discourse cause they're loser who liked that dog shit in the first place and I know I have far superior taste than any of ya so don't fucking @ me again... You think any of this cyberbully shit when I was just minding my own damn business and didn't even @ OP sharing sharing my fandom story fandumb story on a fandumb post on a fandumb website makes you look like the good ones? You mean pulling some "unnecessary dog shit" on me like that?

Well, jokes on you hon...This Hellhounds second bite fueled by Kesha's Cotten Candy bit down so hard on that lil' pussy OP got so scared of me that they blocked me back, meaning I couldn't even fucking hear you when you tried to @ me to stir shit up again and hows this for a final anime showdown? I'm pulling a Hatsune Miku putting my headphones back on so I won't be able to fucking hear you again.. You abled-bodied-wannabe-tard! LA! LA LA!`~ ♥

You want my silence? Pay me for it!

[lablim64]

I were delusional and need to get a mind off so I redesigned a character I made base of a friend of mine-

Name: nacho (literally-)

Age: 18? 19 maybe, idfk (he's a teenager, he just look like he's on a midlife crisis)

Gender: virgin as fucc- (male)

Story:

This bastard, I love this bastard, don't mind me calling him a damn virgin and stuff, that's how we usual talk to each other like, all sarcastic and goof, he do are mature and delusional at the same time, he's into feet (no pause), but is a good talk with, even though he's not so good with taking compliments or comforting but he trying his best at least, he were with me all night last night because he know how stupid I am when I'm sad and anxious, bro kept me remembering "you're just overthinking, your overthink will never happen I can proof that" while I was on an anxiety attack, he been in these shits before so he's like professional about it, I mean he called me a damn baby but I call him a virgin so that's afair ig, this mf is funny af, well he watches a bit of weird ass memes like a type of a weeb and play OSU but he's not a creep or anything like that, he's an adorable mf

Here a goofy drawing I did of him with me👇

He's not from my country but he knows a lot about me, but the fact is I don't even remember how tf I met him (we met on intregram and then I left that app and we move on to discord)

Btw I lost my voice this morning, I were sound like a balloon losing it's helium bit by bit that my dad asked if I'm ok-

I rather be high than that shit-

[sanvirtheobserver]

SMG4 Fanon: FOOD WARS, The Second Course

I officially bring to you my first fan-written episode, as well as the prologue of my new fanfic Taking Flight.

Hope you enjoy!

____________________________________________

We begin in the gaming room, where we see Tari on the couch playing Lies Of P, Luigi playing some pong by himself for some reason (and somehow still losing), Bob and Boopkins playing that weird ass version of Monopoly they like, and Mario on the computer ordering some Pizza.

Pizza Chef: What kind of toppings would you like?

Mario contemplates the meaning of the question for a moment, wandering deep within the wrinkles of his brain in search of an answer. But that didn't work so he just resorted to smashing the keyboard and bury the digital chef in toppings until we are left with an abomination of an order that will be ready shortly.

Mario: PIZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

And he's off to go get the goods, zipping by Meggy who has entered the room with her own box of goods in hand. Surprisingly enough, we also see Whimpu and Belle tagging along.

Belle: Whats got him all worked up?

Meggy: Eh, you know how Red is around food.

Boopkins: Oh! Ko'nichiwa Whimpu-sama, it's been a while.

Whimpu: It is good to see you too, my Furui Yūjin.

Belle: Oi rags, I got the vials. Bushmaster's blend.

Bob: Oh hell yeah! I'll get the vase!

Belle: Aces.

As Bob go gets the "vase" and the weebs start catching up, We see that Tari has just beaten the Puppet King. She collapses into her seat in releif as Clench starts cheering. And it only took them 35 tries.

Clench: THATS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! THAT'S WHY YOU'RE THE MVP! THAT'S WHY YOU'RE THE GOAT! THE GOAT!

Tari: *heh* Oh, hey Meggy.

Meggy: Hey Tari! Guess what I goooooooot.

She then noticed the box Meggy's hands, which was more than enough to get her on her feet.

Tari: *gasp* Is that.........?

Yep, within the box was none other than Gnomeson's gourmet candies. We look to the window seeing Gnomeson himself.

Gnomeson: TASTE THE RAINBOW MOTHER******!

Tari: Oh my gosh, you actually found him!?

Meggy: Yeah, we met up at the gym and he hooked me up.

Tari: Then what are we waiting for?

Meggy takes a seat and they both......um.....I'm struggling to find a cigarette analogy to describe this. Anyway, they both take a lollipop.

We then shift perspectives to SMG3 and SMG4 as they begin to head out.

SMG4: Oh C'mon, Three. This'll be fun! ...........Y'know, as long as you behave yourself.

SMG3: I will, I will! Geez, you're the closest thing to a mother I've ever had.

Just then, Mario triumphantly returns with his bounty of 10 whateverthef*** specials. Nice and piping hot.

Mario: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- Hm? Oh, hi SMG4! Hey, where are you going?

SMG4: We're heading over to Bloopersville to meet up with FM and X. Apparently they got new looks sometime after the whole Lawyer Kong thing.

SMG3: Yeah, I can't wait to see how dumb they look now. Just wait until they get a look of me.

SMG4: Yeeeaaaah. Anyways, we're gonna be gone for a bit. Don't you have TOO much fun, now! Heh heh..........also at least TRY not to set anything on fire, okay?

Mario: Pingas.

SMG4: Close enough. Let's go.

Now they're off on their ~~honeymoon~~ trip, leaving Mario with an...........idea.

That's right, IT'S HOUSE PARTY TIME!!!!

The main hall is a buzz with games and laughter. We see Bob and Rob cheering on Kaizo as he bobs for corn, Chris and Swag playing Pin The Tail On The Teletubby with Luigi, Boopkins teaching Jub Jub how to play Bakugan, Shroomy doing some target practice, and Whimpu showing off his cool rock collection to impress the ladies. Well, more like lady since Melony is the only one who's actually paying attention to the shiny things.

Whimpu: And this is Neodymium glass. It can actually change colors depending on the lighting of the surrounding environment.

Melony: Wooooow! That's so cool. What does that one do?

Whimpu: Oh, this is just Mahogany Obsidian.

Saiko: It's a wonder how she's still awake.

Belle: Honestly, I can't blame her. It's like a Spanish soap opera. You don't know what the hell they're saying, but then you start to piece together what's happening then your hooked.

Saiko: You really have gotten a lot softer, haven't ya.

Belle: Oi, Pot. You got something to say to the Kettle?

Saiko: *chuckles* Alright, alright. Forget I said anything.

We see Tari and Meggy headed to the party table with their Gnomish Candies..........where Meggy noticed Mario with his Pizzas coming over as well. Mario then takes notice of the girls and their Candy. It was when their gazes met that thing's started to get quiet. Everybody took notice of the two staring each other down at the party table.

Meggy: Hey there, Red. What ya got there?

Mario: Pizza. How about you?

Meggy: Oh, just some candy.

Mario: I see.

The energy has changed. Meggy turned her gaze to her fellow Sweet Tooths, and Mario turned his gaze to his fellow Greasy Bois. The line has been drawn. The board is set. All the pieces are taking their places. Their gazes meat once again. A fiery determination glowed within both.

Mario: So................what happens now?

A rhetorical question. You know what happens now. Brace yourselves people, for you are about to witness a...........

Mario & Meggy: FOOOOOOOOD FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!

And here we go! The main hall is a Frenzy as sweets, spice, and everything completely unhealthy roars through the air. Kaizo and Bob clash blades, their movements as swift as lightning as sugar and grease flake off like sparks with each strike. Whimpu lays down suppressing fire with a fan of Pretzels as Belle showers the room with a hail of Doritos. Shroomy is blasting condiments in all directions, Saiko's KFC hammer shakes the earth with every impact. Chris and Swag take artillery positions, raining down rock candy artillery as Melony retaliates against Luigi's Unicorn Lollipop Lance with her Pizza Sword, all while Boopkins, Jub Jub, and Tari act as field medics for the Sweet Tooths. We then pan over to Mario using his Pizza Shield to deflect the projectiles of Meggy's M&M16.

Meggy: It's no use, Mario! I have the high ground! Surrender now and we can end this quickly!

Mario: You wish it would be that easy.

Mario throws his hat, but Meggy dodges into the air. She aims down sights towards Mario. All she needs is one clean shot and-

BAM!!!! A surprise sideswipe sends her skidding. Luckily, Tari was able to catch her. Both were shocked to see none other than Pepperman! Mario catches his hat and plops it on with a smirk.

Mario: Thank's for the save, Peppino.

We pan over to see Peppino Spaghetti and his whole crew tipping the balance of the battle. It looks like Mario called in backup this time around, leaving the Sweet Tooths outnumbered by the Greasy Bois.

Meggy: Dammit.........FALL BACK TO THE CAFE!

And so, the Greasy Bois are victorious as the Sweet Tooths are pushed back to SMG3's Café. A Pizza Tower is placed on top of the Castle as proof of their dominion. An impressive win, but this was just the first battle in a war that has just begun.

Behind the Cafe's doors, the Sweet Tooths have regrouped and are now planning their counter attack. Boopkins and Jub Jub are preparing what appear to be makeshift candy explosives. Once the prep work is done, they gather around Meggy as Tari lays out a map of the Greasy Bois' Pizza Tower.

Meggy: We're never gonna end this war if we can't retake the Snack Table, and we can't take back the Snack Table without getting through that Tower.

She points to four different areas of the map.

Meggy: Mario and the Greasy Bois have the Table stashed at the top of the Tower. They may outnumber us, but we'll have a better chance if we can deal with each floor without alerting the floor above. Once we've reached the top and all the ICDs are placed, we deliver our last payload to the Table and bring the whole thing crashing down.

Tari: We lost our last battle because we couldn't take them all at once, so this time we'll need to take them on one floor at a time. It is crucial that we stay together in order to have the numbers advantage against each single floor, so no slacking behind and no rushing in alone.

Luigi: The ICDs are ready for transport Ma'am.

Meggy: Excellent. Any word from our scouts?

Chris: Front door is a no-go. Too heavily guarded. Swag had to stay behind to cover our escape. God be with him.

Bob: Our best chance is to enter through the window of SMG4's room. That will give us the clearest path up stairs.

Meggy: Alright then. Remember to stick together and stick to the shadows. Do not engage unless I give the order. You need to take someone out? Do it quietly. Everybody ready?

The whole team nods in agreement. Meggy turns to Tari, who gives a confident smile.

Tari: We can do this.

Meggy: Then what are we waiting for? Let's give em a good ol' fashioned Sweet Tooth Surprise!

And so the Sweet Tooths are off, preparing to make their move under the cover of night. Kaizo notices them mobilizing as he scouts from the roof of the Castle.

At the peak of the Tower, we see Saiko and Belle dragging Swag to the foot of Mario's Pizza Throne. By his side is Peppino, watching down upon the interloper with a judgemental gaze.

Saiko: Kaizo saw this one skulking around the Main Lobby.

Peppino: I see. What exactly were you doing here, hm?

Swag: Oh, nothing. I was just waiting on a date.

Peppino: Is that so. And who exactly is this date of yours?

Swag: Your mom LOLOLOLOLOLOL.

And just close that, he was sent to THE PIT! Which in reality was just a kiddypool full of Extra Hot Marinara Sauce that REALLY stings when you get it in your eyes. It was then that Kaizo had arrived to deliver the news.

Kaizo: The Sweet Tooths are making their move. It looks like they plan on taking the fight to us. We should act now.

Belle: HA! I say let the Gutbags try.

Whimpu: But if they get here, they could take our table and all will be lost!

Peppino: Indeed. Without the table, our Golden Crispy Kingdom will be lost forever! We must mobilize and-

Mario: No.

All eyes turn to Mario as he walks to the edge and turns his gaze to the Showgrounds below.

Mario: Let them come. Let them see our glory and try to stop us. These Grounds are just the beginning. We shall soon spread across the Mushroom Kingdom. Then the country. Then the world. All shall know the glory of the Greasy Bois! AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Well that escalated quickly. Though, I've seen worse paths to world domination than a house party turned civil war.

Anywho, the Sweet Tooths enter through SMG4's Room Window, with Meggy and Bob quickly dispatching some Pig Cops.

Bob: I love myself some fresh ham. So good you could ea-

Meggy: Bob I swear to Greg I will actually murder you.

Once the room is secured, the rest enter and Tari is the first to enter the main hall, her Candycane Crossbow at the ready. Luigi and Boopkins are right behind her as they make their way up the staircase. At the door, Luigi uses his Astral projection to peer into the floor above. Apart from a few Cheeseslimes, the coast seems to be clear for the most part. He returns to his body after locating the entrance to the tower.

Luigi: Alright. We should be clear to proceed.

Clench: I don't like this. It sounds like we're walking into a-

?????: Going somewhere?

The trio quickly turns to see Saiko, Kaizo, and Melony on the edge of the balcony. Boopkins quickly aims his Dessert Eagle as Luigi readies his Unicorn Lollipop Lance, but Tari is frozen in fear with her back to the door desperately trying to get it open.

Saiko: Well well well..........

Saiko makes her way towards Tari as Kaizo and Melony face off against Boopkins and Luigi. Tari raises her crossbow as Saiko approaches.

Tari: Stay back! I'm warning you!

She fires a Candycane, but Saiko catches it with ease and crushes it in her hand. She then rips the Crossbow from Tari's hands and pins her against the door by the shoulder.

Clench: Hey, watch it! It takes hours to get a jacket looking this good.

Tari: I.......I'll never surrender to you!

Saiko: Come on, Tari. You can be so much more than this. Just come with us, and we can have a little talk.

Their talk is interrupted by a boot to Saiko's face, courtesy of Meggy. Saiko tries to retaliate with a swing of her hammer, but is intercepted by Bob and sent flying off the balcony with a well timed parry. Chris arrives, pulls Tari aside, and blows the doors wide open with his FR-GL.

Chris: Come on you apes! Do you wanna live forever!?

Bob: Keep going, guys! We'll hold them off!

Tari snaps out of her shock and makes her way through the door alongside Meggy, and Chris. They all make their way to the entrance of the Pizza Tower, where they encounter Shroomy with his dual condiment cannons.

Shroomy: Stop right there! No sugary treats are allowed beyond this point.

Chris: Don't worry. I got this.

Tari looks over to Chris preparing something. He swiftly slides a can of sugar frosted sardines right at Shroomy's feet.

Chris: Wait for it.

Shroomy: I will now require your immediate and unconditional surren-

Suddenly, a bear rips it's way through the woodworks, scooping up the sardines and thrashes Shroomy around before dragging him screaming below the floorboards. Looking back on it, I realize having so much unguarded food in a location surrounded by woodlands that are full of wild animals *probably* wasn't the best idea.

But enough semantics. It's time for our PIZZA TOWER ANY PERCENT SPEEDRUN. Our trio blitzes through each floor with breakneck pace Meggy's aim is swift and true. Chris' explosive ordinance blankets the battlefield, and Tari.......well, she's too busy trying to keep up while also setting up each ICD within the tower. Their progress is interrupted with the arrival of Peppino along with Pepperman, Vigilante, and The Noise. The battle is intense, as each side throws everything they have at one another.

Vigilante: Ya got moxie, kid. But ya'll need more than that.

Meggy simply smirks as she notices Pepperman coming in hot from behind trying to get in another sideswipe. But as Vigilante unloads a hail of bullets, Meggy expertly dodges and Pepperman ends up passing right below her. He gets riddled with bullets as he crashes into Vigilante, taking them both out.

Meggy: That enough *Moxie* for ya?

Pepperman/Vigilante: My scrotums.

We then cut to Chris facing off against the Noise, who isn't really fighting him so much as trying to bore him to death with an "intimidating" speech.

Noise: I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire PT armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my-

Chris just pulls out an RPG and blows his ass to high heaven. That just leaves us with Tari setting up another ICD before being confronted by Peppino, who uses his signature beyblade attack. Tari panicks as she frantically tries to avoid getting ripped up, but is driven into a corner.

Peppino: Give up, blue girl. Your gaming skills are no match for the Spaghetti Family Swag.

It is then that Tari notices a crate next to her labeled "Materiali Pericolosi". Seeing no other option, she quickly rummages through the crate as Peppino goes in for another attack. But right in the nick of time, Tari manages to force feed him a freshly baked pizza. With Pineapple. The crime against Italy is too much for Peppino to handle as he collapses onto the ground screaming and defeated. Tari very awkwardly steps around the suffering Italian man and regroups with the others as the trio makes their way to the final battle. They make their way to Mario's Throne Room, where Bell is ready with her Takigun and Whimpu is using Rob as a Spear as they guard the Snack Table.

Belle: C'mon ya Muckers! Ya feeling lucky?!

Whimpu: Surrender now if you value your lives.

Rob: Please put me down I am very tired.

Meggy: Let us handle the goons. You just focus on delivering that payload.

Tari nervously clutches the last ICD as Meggy and Chris lock and load.

Chris: This is for Swag, you Greasy Bitches!

Chris kicks off the fight with a barrage from his FRGL, while Belle and Meggy exchange hails of gunfire. Tari makes a break straight for the Snack Table. Whimpu is in hot pursuit, rearing Rob for a surprise attack but is then intercepted by Chris's boot.

Chris: Keep going! I'll cover you!

Whimpu proceeds to swing Rob around like a hammer at Chris, much to Rob's motion sick dismay. Belle is still preoccupied with Meggy as Tari see the table. But right as she is about to set the device...........

Mario: Hey stinky!

Tari looks up and is shocked to see Mario standing on top of the massive floating Pizza with a sinister face.

Mario: Your pathetic resistance ends now, Sweet Tooths! Me and Pizzaface here are gonna show you what's for! With our combined pow-

But just then, Pizzaface flips around and flings Mario straight into the floor.

Mario: HEY, WHAT THE F***! We're supposed to be working together!

Pizzaface: YOU THINK I FORGOT OUR LAST MEETING, MARIO? THE ONE WHERE YOU ATE ME?

Mario: Oh.............I sense I've made a mistake of some kind.

Pizzaface then goes on a rampage, crashing into everything in sight. Belle is unfortunately caught in one of Pizzaface's attacks, knocking her unconscious. Whimpu drops rob and heroically catches her in his arms before running away to safety. Chris and Meggy open fire on him, but are then sent flying with a whip from his green pepper mustache. Meggy is flung towards the balcony, hanging from the edge, whereas Chris is flung into the PIT where Swag is.......chilling, for some reason.

Chris: OH GOD MY EYES AAAAAAAAHH!!!!

Swag: Oh hey Chris. I just made some Bloody Maries.

Tari is petrified in fear as Pizzaface stares her down with a sadistic grin. She crumples to the ground, clutching her head as she braces for the end. But just as all seems lost........

Clench: Hey, Tari........

Tari turns her attention to her robot arm.

Clench: We have a mission to complete. Remember?

Tari: I......I don't know what to do. Everyone's down and everything is falling apart. Clench.........

Tears begin to well up in her eyes.

Clench: Listen to me. I know you're scared, but that hasn't stopped you before, has it? Remember that time Waluigi turned everyone into zombies and tried to take over the world, and you saved everybody by beating him at a fighting game?Remember when Meggy was abducted by that lizard weeb guy, and you joined the assault on Anime Island to save her? Remember when that Zero guy tried to recycle the universe and you joined the fight to beat him? And surely you remember the time you were stuck in some kind of bootleg Westworld and created your own pocket dimension to save everybody? Those were all scary too, weren't they?

Tari contemplates Clench's words. Those moments WERE scary.......yet that didn't stop her from helping her friends when it mattered the most.

Clench: You don't need to be fearless to be brave, Tari. You just gotta do what needs doing.

It was in that moment Tari felt something. She got back up to her feet and gazed defiantly straight into Pizzaface's Pepperonis. Her fear didn't disappear......it just didn't matter anymore. Clench was right. You don't have to be fearless to be brave.

Just then, Tari's eyes lit up with a vivid azure hue as a surge of energy coarsed threw her. Meggy managed to pull herself up just in time to see Tari levitating in the air. From her back emerged a pair of translucent blue wings crackling with energy. Tari then flew into the sky, breaching the clouds as the first sight of dawn broke. She then rocketed back down at Mach speed, her robotic arm crackling with power as it made contact with Pizzaface's cheese. The two crashed through the tower's floors, before breaking through the Castle's roof. Both Greasy Bois and Sweet Tooths present ceased their fighting as a massive crash shook the foundations of the Main Hall. When the dust had settled, they saw a crater in the main hall riddled in Pizzaface's mechanical remains. At the center of the crater was severely mangled Pizzahead and an unconscious Tari.

We then cut to later in the morning. SMG3 and SMG4 return to see the Castle abuzz with activity. The war was over, the Pizza Tower was destroyed, The Sweet Tooths and Greasy Bois have reached a truce, and the festivities had resumed. We see Kaizo bobbing for corn as Bob, Rob, and the Noise cheer him on. We see Boopkins, Jub Jub, and Melony sitting down as the Vigilante tells them the story of how the military once bombed his buddy Keith. Whimpu is once again showing off his rock collection to Belle, who seems to be actually paying attention this time. Chris and Swag are laying back and enjoying some Bloody Maries as Shroomy arm wrestles Pepperman. At the foyer we see Peppino and Mario spinning pizzas and playing tunes on the turntables. The SMGs make their way to the Gaming Room where they see Saiko and Meggy watching over Tari as she lays down on the couch.

SMG4: Looks like we missed quite the party, huh?

SMG3: I'll say, judging by the hole in the ceiling. And the Crater in the main hall. And the ambulance outside. And the tower pieces every- WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?

Meggy: It's a long story. How you holding up, soldier?

Tari: Just fine, captain. A little dizzy, though.

Saiko: I have to admit. You did quite a number on poor Pizzahead. I didn't think you had it in you to even fight someone, let alone.........THAT.

Tari looks down at her robot arm.

Tari: Yeah. Neither did I.

SMG4: Well, the Castle is still in one piece for the most part, so I guess it's fine. It's definitely gonna delay the second floor, though.

Saiko: Hey, how was your trip to Bloopersville?

SMG3: ABSOLUTELY EMBARRASSING! I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT FM GOT ABS AND I DIDN'T! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!?

SMG3 continues to be a deva as the camera zooms out from the Castle and into the woodlands, where we see.......something........moving in the trees as the screen fades to black and the credits role.

[baelpenrose]

Nihilus Rex 27: Mind Games

Nils and Lash have some nice, healthy communication. Also, more jokes about mind games and preparation to deal with their enemy, rival and possible ally. As a behind the scenes note, yes, Ottendorf, Altendorf, and Altdorf are all real variants of the same type of cipher, and me and @canyouhearthelight arguing about which one was most in character to use was actually part of the gag that just went into this chapter. Sometimes it's fun writing hopelessly OP characters where we just get to nod obliquely at all the shit our nerdy asses have picked up over the years.

You better be careful what you do

I wouldn't wanna be in your shoes

If they ever found you out

You better be careful what you say

It never really added up anyway

I got friends in this town

Miranda Lambert, “White Liar” 

Nils

Class was boring - I mean, it would have been interesting, especially the political debate that came inherent in the macroeconomic discussion of regulation - but frankly with everything else going on and the plans Lash and I were hatching it felt almost beneath notice. Like a waste of time before we got to the real action.

Our weeb friend was a smarmy son of a bitch, I had to give him that, and trying to trace him took work -  one of the other reasons that I was just as happy to use the challenge and draw him to us. If it worked, it let us keep flying under the radar and gave us a layer of plausible deniability, and if worst came to worst it handed us a convenient option for another patsy if he proved less than tractable.  Lash and I would have to be careful in our eventual conversation with him in how we phrased everything to make sure statements could be read to assume that he was pissed that we were taking credit for his ideas to set it up properly, but it could be done with good planning. Recruit if we could, cash out the option to get the Feds off our backs if we couldn’t - because we were going to need to deal with the fibbie at some point either way.

I shared the thought with Lash to get her thoughts, and see if we could begin establishing how we wanted to lay in that contingency. “Hey, so it occurs to me, if we can’t recruit this guy, we may want to have some kind of setup to feed him to the feds when we encounter him, let them think we were just doing some dumb, edgy marketing for our totally-legal activism and the actual ‘economic terrorist’ got pissed at us for trying to take the credit. If we can’t get him on our side, better not to have him in the way, right?” 

She looked thoughtful for a moment - or more accurately, like she was plotting - before asking slowly, “How likely would we be to frame him for some of the shit we’ve done? Even just stuff we did before we met?”

“I’d have to look at his profile a little more closely, but bear in mind that the hack itself doesn’t really match the profile of either of our usual patterns, and nothing we did before that rises to the level where the federal government cares enough to pay attention.” 

“I took money from Microsoft and donated it to charity,” she pointed out. “Repeatedly.  That would definitely land on the news, at least.”

“Right,” I said, taking a breath, trying to steady myself, “and let’s not get into my thefts from social media and various databombings on their harvested userdata, BUT that followed a very different profile than the bank job, which is what we knew drew their attention - they’re looking for the people who’d run the bank job, not people who are little more than thieving horseflies buzzing around the heads of corporate titans and taking a few drops here and there that said corporations never notice enough to report.” It was an unpleasant truth - we’d stolen probably tens of thousands between us, but not all at once, and in increments that the corporations we’d robbed could lose to rounding error. 

“Hey, you said you wanted him fed to the Fed, not to go down for the loans,” she shrugged. “Wire fraud across state lines is still FBI-worthy.  Not to mention that many counts.” Lash started silently ticking off on her fingers before staring at them and nodding. “Yeah, plenty of counts, for sure.”

“Fair. I’m worried they’re looking for the bank robbers and we have someone we can give them as a patsy. So when we meet with him, let’s feel him out and make sure any statements we have are set up so they can be misread as him trying to find out if we’re stealing credit for his work, yeah?” 

“Can do.” She snapped off a sarcastic salute before grabbing my elbow and semi-forcing me to slow down. “Either way, our ‘viral marketing campaign’ is ready to go as soon as you set up the location for the final clue.  So, make sure your sandbox is as secure as possible so we don’t get any bugs in there.”

I nodded. “Yeah. I’ll have it ready in an hour. Want me to order some pizza while I do it?”  I had an extra tab open while I was getting the proxy networks set up and sketching out the ciphers for the clues.

“One meat lovers, one spinach and bacon, coming up,” she agreed, pulling out her phone. “Don’t forget to write down the address for me once it’s ready so I can translate it a couple times and hide it in the last clue.”

“Yeah, babe, I know, we’ve been picking at this for a minute.” I said, softly smiling. I wondered if she knew she talked to me the way her mom talked to her dad. I had almost finished the third cipher we were going to be doing it with. “Think three will be enough, or should we do four? At five it feels obnoxious, but if he wasn’t too paranoid to be hooked with fewer than three, he’d be a piece, not a player.” 

“Forty five minutes until food,” Lash announced before looking up. “I’m going to translate it at least twice - once to hex and once to… I dunno, a sound frequency maybe? So four should be fine on your end for the ciphers.”

“You got it. Altdorf code it is.” 

“Altendorf,” she corrected, scrunching her face at what she thought was a deliberate mistake on my part.

“Nope. Altdorf. Right wing computer nut, probably also a gamer. Altdorf code is a memetic variant on the classic Altendorf book cipher, named for a thing in a game franchise popular with that crowd.” I replied, smirking. Dating a girl who knew as much cryptography as I did was a blast, but it was occasionally fun to flex on each other. Loved it when she caught me out, as she often did, but it was sometimes fun to catch her off too. 

“Freaking nerd,” she half-mumbled, knowing good and well I would hear her. “But if it works, it works.  Provided he figures out all the clues I’m laying out.”

“And then we put all this effort into this to show off for each other for nothing…” I muttered, watching her work over what she did as I finished up selecting a handful of games, books, and comics to cipher off of, with arc numbers for each and internally contained clues within the cipher to hint at what the target should be using for the Altdorf code. Nonsensical to anyone who didn’t understand it, but comprehensible to anyone who did - if you understood the rest of the cyphers it was under, of course. 

“Ew, eyewatering,” she grunted before adjusting something. It must have worked, because she was able to actually look at the screen when she was done. “And now for the clouds…”

“Those clouds look awful.” I said, idly thinking out loud. “Really bloated, data-wise.” 

“That would be because they are compressed audio tracks,” she confirmed. “Which, when unzipped and played, give the hex code.  But yeah, they’re ugly, aren’t they?” The door buzzed and she looked at her phone. “Pizza’s here.”

“Ah.” I stood up and got the pizza, tipping the guy. After he left I turned back to Lash. “So, now we wait. Trap is baited and set with a challenge for a new ally or an enemy we can get rid of quickly. Speaking of the question as to what we do if he is a new ally: thoughts on how we get rid of the fed? She’s poking around the white supremacist scene, and stirring them up harder might lead to more of them poking around if she gets shot.” 

Lash rubbed her face before getting up to get plates. “My first instinct is to lay low and monitor.  Right now, there’s no actual evidence tying us to the situation, so monitoring would be the most conservative and safest call in the immediate future.  And it gives us time to plan something in the event we do need to intervene.”

I nodded as I poured drinks for both of us. “Yeah. Fair point. Give him about two days, then we’ll meet him together. Two options, either he thinks the whole made up names thing is actually bullshit, in which case he’ll want to meet both of the people he’s working with and we can establish a triumvirate, or he thinks it’s for real and is playing like he thinks it's dumb, then he’ll want to meet with the heads of both groups, which means we’ll need you there to rep one of them. What angles we play depends on what angle he hits us with.” I was still thinking about the way we could feel that out while also maintaining the option to sacrifice him and dispose of him to the feds if he wasn’t amicable to a team up, but honestly that was mostly just a matter of careful phrasing. 

“If it comes to that, as long as I am repping the Icono-whatsits, I’m good.”

“No, I thought we’d have the brown, anarchic immigrant’s daughter represent the carefully crafted illusion of the violently traditionalist ones who want to restore ‘traditional values’ because that would totally make the con hold up. Tell you what, when we take it global, and we have to do this in India, THEN we swap roles and you have to play a Hindutava nationalist and pretend to be a Disciple chick. For today, the heel role is mine.” 

She set her plate down with a loud clatter, glaring at me as she stood up. “And on that completely uncalled-for note, I think I need to head home for a few days.  Let me know if he gets in contact, and we’ll go from there.”

I sighed, realizing what I’d done wrong, then felt a surprising flash of irritation - at her, at myself, at the fact that every time we started getting closer I said something obnoxious and that we never just got a few weeks without some shit happening. “You know what? Yeah. I’m sorry. That was unnecessarily rude. If you want to go home, I get it, but please eat first, or at least take some pizza with you. I shouldn’t have been that much of an asshole - I’ve been jittery since the Fed showed up, and I shouldn’t be taking it out on you. Know you can’t pass yourself off as a white supremacist, I mostly wanted to joke around about the fact that as this goes global, we may have to practice swapping roles for other countries. That’s all.” 

Lash took a deep breath and picked up one of the pizza boxes. “I know it will eventually be necessary for me to be the bad guy, but seriously. What part of this,” she waved a hand over herself, stopping to gesture emphatically at her face, “in any way says I won’t just blow our entire ass cover if I try to be a white supremacist? It’s not like I’m shirking work or something.”  The free hand shoved her hair back and she exhaled. “I think we just need a couple days to get actual sleep and calm down.”

“You aren’t shirking work, I know.” I said, trying to take a breath. “I’ve just been…I’ve been constantly trying to figure out every possible angle we can take this from, because I want to keep us out of trouble and keep the feds away, keep this prick away from your family, keep everything under control. I said something sarcastic that I thought was funny because yeah, obviously this,” I gestured at her, “was not going to be playing the white supremacist, this,” I gestured at my own face, “was. And I wasn’t looking forward to it. And it isn’t your fault I’ve been obsessively plotting, I haven’t been telling you all of it, but it’s been all of the babbling about contingencies I’ve been doing since the fed arrived. Because I’ve been afraid. And I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.” True, but I did also want her to see my perspective of how much effort I was putting into this whole thing.  “And if you need me to give you a ride home tonight, I will, but seriously take a pizza. Because it’s too late for you to be walking home.” 

The pizza box in her hand dropped back to the table and she growled in frustration. “UGH! And all the shit with Uber and taxis lately…” She fell back into what had become her seat on the couch. “Fine. But I’m sleeping out here. In clothes, so don’t get any ideas, buster.”

“We didn’t have time to go mattress topper shopping, so you’ll probably sleep better, and I’m insisting on plenty of blankets. And you’re eating your share of pizza.” I shrugged. “And even my Catholic ass won’t feel guilty about you being too damn stubborn to take a ride I’m offering.” 

“No ride. I refuse to owe you,” she spat before biting viciously into a slice of pizza, shoving half of it into her mouth without a trace of grace.

“And thus, couch, blankets, and coping aplenty.” I said, sitting down. “You okay, Lash?”

“I am sleep deprived, stressed about the apartment being ready when my parents are discharged next week despite knowing that Mori has had it ready since the day after she got here, and I’m mad at you for being a jerk.”

“Mori took care of the apartment, you know it, you know you know it. You’re going to sleep better tonight, and I’m sorry for being a dick.” I said, coaxingly. “Things are going to be alright. Let’s eat, brush our teeth, then we can rack out, okay?” 

“Fine,” she muttered, demolishing another slice of pizza.

I wasn’t certain what it said about my life - or life, in general - that “relationship issues” were causing me slightly more confusion and headaches than “FBI investigation” and “rival terrorist” combined. It definitely said something, but I wasn’t entirely certain what. Maybe it was a me problem. Maybe if I wasn’t dating someone who would do terrorism with me I wouldn’t have this problem.

But then it wouldn’t be worth it. 

[bullet-prooflove]

Choices!Series Part Seven: Partners in Crime - Nestor Oceteva x Reader (feat: Johnny 'Coco' Cruz & Marcus Alvarez)

Tagging: @annetje @anime-weeb-4-life @danzer8705 @drabbles-mc @alwaysachorusgirl @witches-unruly-heart @mysoulisasunflower @im-just-a-mississippi-girl @est1887 @the-wandering-lunatic

Part One: First Date (NSFW) - Nester and you have an unusual first date.

Part Two: Familia - (Feat: Marcus Alvarez) - Marcus discovers your relationship.

Part Three: Fair Trade - Miguel makes a proposal.

Part Four: Slaughterhouse Rules - Nestor has to watch the show.

Part Five: Stay With Me - Nestor deals with the aftermath.

It’s warm as fuck and Coco’s smoking a cigarette on the porch of the clubhouse when Marcus appears alongside of him. It’s been a while since the two of them have crossed paths, not since Marcus left the club to ride with the cartel. Coco can’t say he gets it, but Marcus is his own man and Coco respects that. There’s always a place here if he wants it.

“Padrino.” He greets, taking a drag of his cigarette. He holds it for a second before exhaling.

“Coco.” Marcus nods as his elbows come to rest upon the white wooden railing. “Have you heard from her?”

Coco frowns, tilting his head towards Marcus as he taps the ash from the cigarette.

“Nah, not for a couple of months.” He tells the other man quietly. “Not since she was last in San Padre.”

They both know who he’s talking about.

The world knows you as El Cuchillo but to Coco you’re just the girl he shoots guns in the desert with. Someone he’s spent nights under the stars, sharing war stories and a spliff. The girl who’d got shot in the ass because she’d partnered up with a shitty sniper and ended up with a better one.

You’d worked with the club before, when they needed something more covert, someone less visible. It didn’t hurt that you were easy on the eye, men tended to let their guard down when they had the attention of a pretty girl. You had assets their members didn’t.

You took pride in your work and Coco could appreciate that. It’s why he enjoyed working with you, that and the 25% you paid him when you needed someone to watch your back. The deal was you kicked 10% to the club when you required his services. It was a discounted rate compared to what they charged others. Your father had been the Secretary of the club before he’d been taken out by a drunk.

He remembered the first time the two of you decided to partner up. You bent over a table in his girl Stitch’s clinic, glaring at him as she pulled a bullet out of your ass.

“You get what you pay for.” He’d smirked as he spun in the office chair. “You pay a shitty rate you get a shitty sniper, one that apparently shoots his own partner in the ass. Where the fuck did you find him? Craig’s List?”

“Well he’s on the shit list now, nobody will ever be using him again.” You tell him, hissing as Stitches pried the bullet out. “Fuck.”

“Sorry.” Stitches murmured, her voice low and soothing. “It’s embedded in the muscle so I’m gonna have to poke around. The upside though you get a badass scar, pun intended.”

“I hate you so much right now.” You huffed, your chin coming to rest upon your arms.

“You’re gonna hate me even more in five minutes.”

You groaned out loud as Coco rose to his feet before removing the spliff from his pocket and lighting it. The sweet, earthy scent flooded the makeshift clinic.

“Here.” Coco said, handing it over to you. “Something for the pain.”

You took the joint from his fingers before placing it between your lips and taking a toke and returning it to him.

“You know I need a new sniper.” You mentioned casually, wincing as Stitches sought out the bullet. “Or at least someone I can trust to have my back and not shoot me in the fucking ass.”

“You asking me for real?” He asked, blowing out a stream of smoke as he sat at the opposite side of the table.

“Trust me I would rather put up with your philosophical bullshit than go through this again.” You informed him. “No offense Stitches.”

You heard the clatter of metal on metal as the bullet hit the inside of the metal dish.

“None taken.” Stitches responded before picking up a bottle of medicinal grade alcohol. “You know what comes next right?”

“I hope you know I don’t mean any of the words that are going to be coming out of my mouth in the next two minutes.” You told her, taking the joint back from Coco and taking a long pull.

“Trust me, I hear a lot worse from these assholes.” Stitches told you before resuming her task.

There’s silence between the two of them while Coco tries to recount the last time he’d had any communication from you. It had been a while, he realises, usually he gets a text every few weeks when you’re away, telling him about some stupid shit that’s happened, or a picture of something weird. In the past three months he’s had nothing, it’s like you’ve dropped off the radar completely.

“She in trouble or something?” he asks Marcus, gesturing with his cigarette.

Marcus gives him a look before rubbing his hands together, a clear sign of agitation.

“I guess you haven’t seen the news this morning.”

Coco shakes his head.

“She hit Reno last night, killed Eddie, burned down his snuff studio.” Marcus informs him, crossing his arms over this chest.

Coco tilts his head back towards the sky, exhaling the word ‘Fuck’ because he knows what that means. Reno was a death sentence for you both and undertaking it again would have been a suicide mission. That was the real reason Marcus was here, he didn’t know if you were alive or dead, he’s lost contact the same way Coco had.

“Why?” Coco asked, his brain stumbling over the implications. “Why would she do that now? On her own?”

“Something happened with Galindo a little while ago.” Marcus confided as he stared out across the scrapyard. “I’m afraid it unbalanced her; she took off without a word and hasn’t been back since.”

“What kinda something?” Coco asks, because despite the work you do, you’re probably one of the most balanced people he knows. You own your shit, you don’t let it consume you, you don’t linger on the regrets. That’s some excellent compartmentalisation right there.

“The kinda something that brings back a lot of personal shit.” Marcus told him, his hands coming to rest on the wooden railing once more. His knuckles whitened as he gripped it tightly, the splintered wood digging into his fingertips.

“The Major?”

“His brother.”

Coco dropped the cigarette butt to the floor before crushing it underneath the heel of his boot. He pulled the remaining packet out of his pocket before offering one to Marcus. The other man took one, setting it between his lips before Coco provided the light.

“She kill him?”

“Nestor.” Marcus summarised as Coco withdrew his own smoke and tapped it against the cardboard carton in his hand.

“Fucking good on him.” He said before placing the cigarette between his lips and lighting it.

“You know, don’t you?” Marcus said, his voice lowering an octave as he took a drag. “She told you.”

Coco blew a smoke ring out of his mouth, watching as it evaporated into the air.

“Knew she was sticking around for someone and it wasn’t anybody from the club, none of these assholes would be able to keep their mouth shut about something like that.” He shrugged, waving his cigarette in the direction of the club house. “She’d been doing a lot of work for the cartel and he’s the one without the biggest stick up his ass.”

“He’s in love with her.” Marcus told him, inhaling deeply and allowing the nicotine to fill up his lungs. “The thing with Galindo’s been tearing him up inside.”

“That doesn’t bode well for Galindo.” Coco remarked, thinking back to the last time he’s laid eyes on you. You’d looked healthier, happier. Your smile was brighter, and you laughed a lot more. He knew what it was to fall in love, he knew how it looked and he could see it inside of you when the two of you shot targets under the desert sun. “She was settled last time I saw her, at peace.” He said tapping he place where his heart resided.

It struck Coco hard to know that you may be suffering. He knew a thing or two about PTSD, about the intensity of it, the hypervigilance, the nightmares, the intrusive thoughts. He thought you’d want to get away from the place that had instilled those memories, take control once again and what better place to do that then Reno. Somewhere you were forbidden to return to, a place where you could prove to yourself that you still held some form of power, that you could still do the job.

“I’ll reach out.” Coco said finally, feeling a twist of anxiety in his chest. “See if I can’t find out where she’s at.”

He just hoped to Christ it wasn’t the morgue.

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[gorillageek27]

Jaune: Well congrats Nora, your explosion cost me my body, left eye and my lower jaw!

At least i have this cool ass sword though.

Nora: weeb

Jaune: ...