#at least im getting better abt vulnerability

[heartsoji]

hello, everyone. its been a while.

im really sorry that i kinda dropped off the map with no notice and YES i've seen the sweet msgs dropped by anons and moots and its really sweet to know that people ive never even met think abt me and care for me. will be responding to moots privately shortly - anons, just THANK YOU SO MUCH it means the world to me that you care sm. if you ever drop off of anon, i'd love to be friends :)

ANYWAYS, the reason(s) i sorta disappeared: just some family issues! my family is going through some problems with some certain family members going through a really hard time, falling into frail health, you get the gist. it hasn't been exactly lovely, but we're working things out rn and hopefully it'll get better soon. i kinda got caught up in everything and sorta forgot about my little community ive grown here. my apologies for that.

um sorry for this lowkey rly dramatic and overly lengthy msg but i didnt rly know what to say now that ive dropped off the globe with no signal of being alive, and i feel safe enough in this community (yes, the wonderful tumblr anime SIMPS u heard me right ugs (and me tbh) R SIMPS. community.) that i dont feel the need to just hide away my problems and just say smth like, "oh i got locked outta my tumblr account!" or smth idek. i trust ugs! love these ppl ive never even met <3 (more than some of my irls, even. some of them dont know that anything happened LOLL)

MOVING ON, i'll try to be active, but no promises! i cant say fs that any real work will be put out for a little while, but the biggest lump of the issues is over, and im in a better mental space now, so i can probs do some things? idk. at the very least, ill be doing some interactions and rambles and more abusing of my "jisu talks!" tag. i love all of you, have a wonderful morning/day/night! <3

[time-is-restored]

btw this might be me swinging a bat at a hornets nest but like. absolutely none of my disappointment from the tl finale comes from ship baiting or any relationships that didn’t happen (though to be clear, i think the tedbecca fake outs were meanspirited and served no narrative purpose - in noted contrast to the season's earlier jamiekeeley fakeouts, for example, which were explicitly there to demonstrate jamie's growth + maturity)

tedpendant is a really fun concept for me, and i LOVE the characterisation + thematic potential there!

but as someone who personally resonated with a lot of ted’s struggles, the idea that ted could leave richmond so… seamlessly, for lack of a better word, really doesn’t sit right with me. the thesis of the shows entire first season - assuming it can be said to have only one - was about how everyone needs the love and support of a community, whether that comes in the flavour of someone who hypes u tf up or someone who will relentlessly call u on ur shit (or, as happened quite frequently, both!).

rebecca, roy, jamie are the clearest examples as the characters with the most screentime: they were all deeply isolated and disconnected from the people around them, and that was making them miserable. the connections they made with the team, the vulnerability they finally allowed themselves to express (the ghost banishing ceremony comes to mind!), and them going on to want *more* out of their life are what made their arcs about *progression* rather than *regression*. without that clear theme of compassion + community inspiring positive growth in everyone who encounters it, there is, frankly, no season one.

my personal favourite scene from season one comes right after michelle walks away from ted, when they’ve agreed to get divorced. ted sits down on the bench looking gutted, and a little shell shocked - and beard sits down with him. hands him the drink, and they sit there together. silent, but together. to me, that scene is an implicit promise from the episode, to the audience: ‘it’ll be okay. it’s going to be hard, but ted isn’t alone, and his friends won’t leave him behind.’

it also makes it clear to the audience that ted isn’t the saintly-giver-of-grace who needs nothing in return, as one might assume on first brush, but rather that he’s Also struggling with his own shit (as is everyone, always, in real life!) and he has something he needs from the people around him too.

and looking at the text of s3, and the conclusion to his arc in the finale, i just don’t believe that he got it. he wasn’t just sad that he was leaving (which would be understandable!), he was completely closed off. unresponsive to the people around him reaching out, borderline confused as to why they were trying so hard!

(side note, while i completely respect the read of ted and trents last interaction being rather rude + ooc on ted’s part, i personally read a different motive into it. for me, it was more like… he didn’t understand where trents enthusiasm was coming from? like, he read that as trent being too invested in what other people think of him, and responded in a way that he hoped would emphasise that ted doesn’t *need* to laugh at everything trent wrote, bc trent Already Knows that he’s done something really cool and kickass, and he shouldn’t value anyone else’s reactions above that. basically, based on his demeanour in the episode, i genuinely don’t think it would’ve even occurred to him that trent was more invested in HIS reaction than he would’ve been with anyone else.)

again, looking purely at the text, the show had already established that ted has really strong depressive + avoidant tendencies, as well as panic attacks (largely triggered by his fear of not being ‘good enough’ in various roles, ie: a father). we saw one area he was able to calm HIMSELF abt these fears (worry for henry, which is a Hell of a choice considering the ending…), but in literally every other heightened moment, he had to rely on his support system to help him make the choices that he WANTED to make, rather than ones inspired by avoidance and fear (ie: confronting michelle abt jake, talking to his mum abt why she was visiting + his dads death).

and to be clear, this is a GOOD THING! we’re not supposed to go through life alone, no matter how bad OR well we’re doing. rebecca and keeleys friendship isn’t worth less for all the scenes where they’re both in good places. if anything, the opposite is true - it’s lovely that they both have someone who want to celebrate the achievements in their life!

and fuck it, we’re sure as hell not supposed to go through life with exactly one (1) person whom we expect to fulfill ALL of our emotional needs at all times either! like, im sure i don’t need to labour my point here, but tying everything to one (1) person in ur life doesn’t make u any less isolated than if u were going it completely alone, whether it’s a family member, a friend, or a partner. i won’t pretend to know the first thing abt what it’s like to be a parent, but i don’t think it’s unreasonable to say that no parent would be at their best if they had absolutely no support/camaraderie/general love provided to them from Anyone other than their child.

so when ted is SPECIFICALLY shown to be in a bad place, over and over again (did he come to terms w his fear to be close to henry overnight???????), and then removed from his community? of COURSE the audience is left feeling unsettled, and like the rug has been pulled out from under them. there was no time in this finale dedicated to how ted would still be in contact with anyone from richmond. no promises of visits, or phone calls - fuck, nothing about emails!! according to the text, we might as well assume this is a clean break (and the maybe-dream-sequence does Fuck All to assure us otherwise. if ted doesn’t go to beards wedding, what WOULD he go to????). and since the show has ALSO completely failed to give us even an IMPLICATION of who/what ted’s support system would be in kansas, there’s… a reasonable argument to be made that this is It for ted. that, after two seasons doing NOTHING but attesting otherwise, the audience is supposed to suddenly believe that ted can (and SHOULD!) pull himself up by his bootstraps, and cope entirely on his own.

that, to me, is a betrayal of the show’s premise. we were promised a show about how, no matter how dark things may get, none of the characters would be left to struggle alone. and then they ended the show with ted alone.

i don’t know. i guess if i had to give this post a tldr; if anyone has any gen fic/meta/Literally Anything in the pipeline, i would absolutely love to be tagged/directed towards it. i’ll be endeavouring to write something myself, as well, but it might take a while before i can return to my WIP, lol.

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

i posted that stupid shit on my instagram i might just kill myself fr

now im afraid i wont sleep for another 24 hours damn 😭😭

[arolesbianism]

I am rotating Light so hard in my head rn girlies who just straight up fucking torture ppl cause she can

[phagodyke]

SUDDENLY STARTED RAINING SO HARD WE ARE SO FUCKING BACK

[blueskiesagain]

.

[kroosluvr]

the celeste celexcity kroosluvr swap au (i don't have a good name for this yet)

basics bc i haven't decided much yet

UHHH basically what it says on the images... akira is playing on maruki's side and they don't know if it's just to be a contrarian or if he actually believes in it. but akira in this au is very ends-justify-the-means + the fact that he's a dead man so he dgaf that it's the "wrong decision." he won't be there to see it anyways, no matter which route they take, but at least in the fake reality umm One version of akira kurusu is happy!

engine room and stuff plays out as normal i imagine those black mask plot beats r the same

+ post engine room, in 3rd sem akira's personality doesn't rlly change all that much. hes always been Shrewd Scammer Silver tongued untrustworthy bastard type and nothing changes even then. there are moments when he seems more 'vulnerable' but also sumire+goro cant be certain if its an act either

i think akira has a "well if they both hate me thatll make things easier" mindset regardless

shido is still goro's dad and all that and akira works for shido for whatever reason and he learns abt that and holds it over goro's head the same way he grates on sumire abt kasumi

o yeah akira wasnt like Particularly close w kasumi (he isnt particularly close w anyone) but they talked casually. he never rlly met sumire. it's funny when he meets 'kasumi' bc like obviously shes lying LMAO but he just genuinely doesnt care enough to find out (<- akira very selfish and just focused on his own goals on his lonesome). either way his interactions w her are funny bc hes like Hahahh yeah... (What hte hell isgoing on. Whatever)

also i think this goro doesn't meet all the pthieves/confidants in the same Order as canonverse akira, like i feel like he'd "team up" with yusuke first somehow (ake/kita fan THUMBSUP EMOJ)

sumire basically thesame. i changed her earring color frm gold-> silver just for differentiation pruposes (and itll fit better w her pthief design in swap bc itll be differnetntn!!! yay!!) uhhh but shes kinda more sardonic out loud thanks to akira being annoying

shes rlly embarrassed abt being "kasumi" to goro and so shes all like distancing herself like "sorry i know it was stupid of me and i totally get it if u dont trust me anymore bc i wasnt who i said i was" etc but goros also like thats in the past and also we kinda are the only ones in the world rn so we just have to put that aside for now and also kick akiras ass

THATS AL I CAN THINK OF RN it's kinda vibes right now bc im never good at figuring out entire plotlines LMFASOPFJS024320 falls over. Major plot holes probably and shit wont make sense it's a big JUST TRUST ME + i just wanna draw random stuff w them moment ummm uhh uh runs

[sunsetsover]

ok so gut reaction thoughts after first watch of ep 2 before i forget them

i knew the moment babe mentioned obstacles that kant had paid that guy from the preview to flirt w bison. like he really is kinda sleazy bc i don't get the impression that he's interested in bison at all but he DOES wanna fuck fr. but im kinda obsessed bc obv he's trapped in this situation and is trying to do what he has to to protect himself and his brother but there's something desperate about him and i don't know where it comes from. like i feel like there's still a piece of the puzzle im missing that will make me go 'ah i get it now' when i see it and i need it asap otherwise it might drive me crazy

speaking of getting it now i had a lot of thoughts about romantically naive bison last week that i didn't really talk about bc of the whole power thing that was a lot more interesting for me to sink my teeth into but like. i feel like i Get it now. i see where this is going, i understand how this can spiral out of bison's control

bc i still do think he has power in the sense that i still do think he suspects kant and thinks he can handle the situation alone but i also think that bison has been so sheltered that kant's attention and interest is getting to him a lot more easily than i think he thought it would. like there were moments in this ep that felt a lot more real from bison, like they were actually him and not this persona he's putting on with kant. i think he's kind of becoming a lil enamoured w kant and his audacity and his persistence and flirtation and that that's gonna snowball until suddenly he's caught in the web he's helped to weave and he really does like kant and it really does hurt and then bison's gonna flip out

(and i think with kant it's gonna be a much slower burn in terms of actual feelings, which is gonna make the heartbreak sooo much worse. i can't wait tbf)

and fadel is the exact same as bison in that aspect btw. like for all his 'trust no one, everyone is out to get you' bs all it took was a couple of weeks (if that) of consistent pressure and attention and someone not being scared off for him to find himself in way out of his depth. the only real difference between him and bison is that he has the self awareness to know that it's stupid and dangerous. he knows when people and feelings get involved there's only so much damage control you can do. bison's still naive enough that he thinks he can play with that kind of fire and not get burned by it, whereas fadel seems to know better.

(i have many many thoughts abt fadelstyle but i feel like i still need to process to articulate them properly)

kant catching onto bison calling his mum 'mother' and bison's face and obvious lie abt it when kant pointed out how weird that is goes into another thought i had last week which is that 'mother' really is less of an actual mother and more of a boss which makes me think bison lied and that he and fadel probably really were adopted, (maybe rescued from some of the 'bad people' she obviously has an issue with?) maybe even w the intention of raising them into being her weapons instead of her children. i bet she uses affection and/or guilt as a tool to get them to comply (which i'd bet works more effectively on fadel than bison) and do what they're told. if they literally owe her their lives or she 'saved them' from a bad situation, ofc she's gonna use that to get them to do her bidding. it also might explain why both boys r so susceptible to the attention and affection they're both getting even tho they should both know better - if they've been starved of it as children, they're going to be more desperate for it (and vulnerable to it) as adults.

also surprisingly i don't think the bdsm thing between kant and bison is actually going to be necessarily sexual in nature, not exclusively. at least not at first. like the fact that in the preview bison was like 'will you let me continue what i started at the tattoo parlour?' (meaning the nipple clamps) implies there was no finishing it if you catch my drift. like it seems as though it's gonna be less of a 'let me tie you down and hurt you a lil while we fuck' and more a full blown Dynamic ygm. like bison's really gonna be out here nipple clamping that man just bc he can. bc kant's gonna let him. which is not what i expected? not in a bad way but i guess im pleasantly surprised that it seems like it's gonna have that much depth to it.

(and if i'm right doesn't that just emphasise how it's less of a sex thing and more of a power thing for bison? he's not doing it exclusively to get off, it's obviously more than that for him.)

but also the look on kant's face makes me think that the ppl who said that bdsm isn't necessarily kant's thing but that he goes along with it bc it's what bison wants were right. which is so interesting to me, i cannot wait to see how that shakes out.

im kinda losing steam but fadelstyle truly made my brain itch this episode . i feel like i understand style way better bc i too want to chase fadel down and pin him in a corner and break him just to see what'll come out of him. i bet its real soft and real weird and might make me cry a little bit. i bet fadel would also cry. i bet he might need to real bad.

[randyisrad]

hello shuake nation . i'm here to deliver my goro bpd essay that i promise like 2 months ago .

1) fear of abandonment/drastic efforts to avoid abandonment

I'D LIKE TO START THIS ONE OFF BY . showing examples of him being abandoned. Shido leaving him and his mother before he was born, and it's implied that his mom talked about it like. all the time (also not great for small child !) his mom attempting suicide , and goro being passed between foster homes.

goro goes to the most extreme lengths to prevent being abandoned again . creating an entirely different version of himself to get people to like him, assassinating people at shido's command so he won't toss him aside , and (this one might be a little bit of a stretch) murdering akira . this boy does nawt like being abandoned ! ! !

2) unstable relationships, often switching between idealized and devualued

do i even . need to explain this one . (im going to anyway)

goro's relationship with akira is SO unstable . he cares about him so much and that . really scares him , but hes so unbelievably jealous of him and feels that akiras "better than him" and thinks he pities him so he hates him . he praises him one minute and even if he hates it he genuinely means it , but internally he's terrified of akira looking down at him so he has such an anger towards him . akira is 100% his favorite person and he doesn’t know how to process that so he lashes out . i dont know how to put everything into words but im keeping this one shorter cuz its pretty self explanatory and if i got the chance i would not shut UP about it so

3) unstable identity and sense of self

he literally has 2 personas . one crafted out of lies and images of who he wishes he was, and the other crafted out of the hatred he holds . thats unstable as hell

4) impulsivity in at least 2 areas that are self destructive

went to his dad when he was 16 telling him abt his persona so he could get close enough to ruin him , constantly carrying out hits for shido to get close enough to ruin him , turning himself psychotic with his personas power . the list goes on

5) frequent suicidal ideology/behavior

goro turned himself psychotic , was fully prepared to be killed by the phantom thieves as long as they died with him, had no plan for what would happen after he murdered shido, fully accepted his death in maruki’s reality , etc .

6) emotional instability

he tries to keep a calm demeanor , but due to being neglected in his childhood , goro has no emotional maturity . he’s constantly lashing out , specifically at akira and the other thieves . he has a meltdown in front of them despite being deathly afraid of being vulnerable , and he has a habit of blaming every issue on akira like it’s his fault . this one is also a little bit of a reach , but he shows a bit of his true personality to akira after their rank 8 battle , and tells him he hates him . it doesn’t make a lot of sense for him to tell akira this , especially if he’s trying to keep up the detective prince charade , which he goes back to shortly after this .

7) chronic feelings of emptiness

this one is hard to directly point out , because it isn’t explicitly shown in game , but it’s obvious if you read in between the lines . we don’t know a lot about his childhood besides what he says in the bathhouse , but he seems sort of apathetic and empty about his circumstances .

8) emotional outbursts

this one is really similar to the 6th diagnostic criteria , but once again -- he lashes out at akira and blames him for his situation even if it isn’t his fault , lashes out at the phantom thieves , and has a meltdown in front of them . but i’d specifically like to mention the scene in his bossfight when his charade flickers , and loki is seen for a brief moment . he wasn’t trying to summon loki , but he’s so emotional that he comes out anyway .

9) stress ideation and severe dissociative symptoms

i can’t specifically think of any examples for this but . it’s real in my heart . trust . but if goro has ALLL of the other symptoms , it’s so very likely for him to have this one , too .

and that concludes my goro akechi bpd essay , i hope you enjoyed goro nation . :3

[milo-igidk]

was rereading exile and was thinking abt how its interesting and cool how you can kinda feel all the characters just get closer and more open and vulnerable with each other as the series progress and especially was thinking abt keefe and how he feels so much more sheltered and hidden behind jokes and never talking about things that were wrong and then i got kinda sad bc..he did open up but, not on purpose. at least not to anyone other than sophie a little bit in Neverseen. like the reason why he seems more open now its bc we know all these things about him and how terrible his family life is but almost none of that is by choice, he HAD to show those things to us when searching his memories or they just found out while being around his parents. not to mention all the memories he painted gold and didnt let us see

also i was thinking about differences about how he used to be and how he was and was thinking about he seemed a little better in Stellarlune and then i got sad again bc he SEEMS better bc were looking at things through sophies pov again and he seemed so broken and scared and angry and all those things in Unlocked bc we were seeing them through his pov instead and he couldnt hide them and im so sick please someone get him therapy

[pmpwbrrs]

I'm pretty much in love with your off string au could you ramble more abt it .,. I'd be extremely happy to read it

Im glad you like it and thank you for reminding me that I wrote this, and giving a reason to ramble <3!! Sadly i don't have anything to really add? But I'll say what i kept to myself i guess!

I keep remembering about one of the things ghostlycoze said.

—

—

I actually REALLY like this idea. I don't think ALL iterators are gonna have this problem, because not all iterators, i like to think, associate themselves with their puppet? And they are all different. But i love thinking about how some of them look up at the sky, and see endless heavy clouds produced by their still giant, powerful colleagues(family? friends?), while they are here, small, and so vulnerable. I like to think that that the longer they stare at the bottomless, grey sky, the more they can't tear the eyes away. How they feel their new heart beating faster now, and it makes them nauseated and more stuck in this moment – because this heart is beating like a mouse's. So fast, they can feel it, they can hear it, in their neck, in their chest. And it's foreign. The sky is foreign. The choking dampness of the air is foreign, the wet cold soil is foreign. THEY are foreign. Can they be even considered an iterator? How? They are not even the same person, how can they still call themselves an iterator?

What have they done to themselves?

I don't think some iterators even manage to handle this. I think some of them, with no way of returning to a previous live, take an easy way out. Or at least risk it – after all, they don't know what the Cycle thinks of not only iterators, but of an abomination like them.

For some of them this is not freedom. For some of them, freedom is impossible to obtain, even when they have risked it all and threw away everything that made them who they were.

Or maybe, for some of them, at some point – standing in the cold, wet soil, becomes a sort of relieve. Perhaps, for some of them, the damp air and the now rumbling, endless sky, become more welcome. Maybe it's better for them, than what they were before. Maybe they'll get used to this, even if it's so hard it makes their head heavy, and their breath quickened, and even when they are not what they were, and never will be. Maybe as they breath in, they'll be reminded that they are no longer stuck because they've been given no other choice, but they are stuck on their own accord. Maybe that makes them ecstatic. Or, yet again, scared, or regretful. Or guilty. It depends on an individual. But overall, it's hard for all of them. And not all of them can or wants to deal with this.

–––

I also remember I was thinking about «what if Pebbles is saved only in Saint's era?». But the more I thought about it, the more sad and existential I became, and I never got around to drawing anything, because the idea of slowly losing yourself and all your memories terrifies me.

I think, if Pebbles is saved in Saint's time, there is no way to bring him the way as he once was. It's just NO WAY, i can't believe it. His whole body had fucking giant TEARS in it, there wasn't a single place left of him, his neurons are now squashed by 574020 kms of rot, 30942 kms of metal and dead organic and his flesh, and 2933892 kms of snow, he's a home for fauna and flora now. He will never come back. MAYBE some neurons will help?? But i don't think they will, or that they should help as much as they helped Moon.

Pebbles cannot recover fully. Of course, care and patience and not being in his corpse will help, slowly, but still not a whole lot.

I wonder how Moon would feel about him. How everyone would feel. And mainly, how Pebbles would feel.

I already somewhat explored the idea of Pebbles losing his memories. It was an animatic about his life flashing before his eyes, but wrong and twisted, and he can't remember the names of the people he cared about, but he feels guilt and shame, and in the end he gets ascended (right now animatic is abandoned).

But... If he's off string....

Imagine how painful it is to look in the eyes of a person and know that you did something horrible to them, but you can't remember what it was, and you can barely even remember who this person is. All you know is that you love them, and that you have hurt them. How would their forgiveness feel? Would Pebbles feel weird relief? Confusion? Grief? Will it even help?

Will he feel anger and an inexplicable sting of pain when they look at him with pity? How would he feel if he saw people's hope when they think he might remember something, but he just can't?

I already said that "iterator off string is not even the same person", but in the case of Five Pebbles in Saint's time, I think it applies to him even more. He's not the same person even before he gets out.

How would he feel being so small and fragile, but being aware of it, now? How aware is he, really? Has he even agreed to go off string? Could he agree? How would HE feel about the stuff I said earlier? The sky, the snow under his feet, the freezing, biting wind?

I don't like making things all dark and gloomy and no hope FOREVER only SUFFERING though. I think there are ways to help Pebbles and to heal. For all of them, really. Sure, as I said, I like to think there's not much you can do to help FP, but there are ways. And in the end, even though he doesn't have his memories, and he's scared and confused, and he's weak and small, and he's in pain, and he feels cold – he's with people he loves, and who love him. I think it's beautiful. And I think it's an improvement on rotting away in the snow and listening to the same tune until the end of time. And now he gets warm much more often.

–––

That's pretty much it? I didn't think about off string that much. I GUESS there are also some fanfiction i wrote, but ehh + I'm shy about my writing + it's russian and needs translation + it doesn't focus the on a dread of being off-string and all that, so I'm not gonna show that.

A lot of people left really interesting thoughts in tags on this post with nsh though, so I recommend you to check them out, they are lovely <3

[melodyofthevoid]

Hello! I just finish reading the "Ocean Idiots for Idiots" i need to know more about the conflict with the two churches worshipping the sea. (Meaugism and Nortumbic, right?)

Im so invested in this universe omg

(AND its not just you who loves the ideia of mariza being haunted by her own ghost! I really need to draw this!)

I never came up with a better name for those churches huh? Damn.

In any case, I don't have any further thoughts abt this presently, but please enjoy some old notes of mine:

The head of the Kitonese Empire and the Head Priestess of Saumaces are locked in some sort of hella toxic Yuri obsession with each other that started as a religious conflict and power grab and has since escalated into an eternal Cold War/proxy religious battle that’s consumed the both of them for years.

The head priestess is hella in denial about her reasoning but once told Priya to hold her desires in check, lest they control her (you know, like a massive hypocrite). Not like she hasn't been single handedly orchestrating an elaborate gambit to prove to this one woman that her belief is true and that

Kiton’s empress (or maybe head general? Unsure) is a strict woman whose main goal is to acquire power and build a nation that can outlast any storm, conquer any foe. However, given Saumaces’ status as Indra’s favored, they can’t outright attack them.

Saumaces was spared from Indra’s Great Storm (her lashing out post The Incident™), and this led to a lot of resentment towards them as they didn’t have to basically rebuild from scratch. Weird that. Church of Indra the wrathful more about both appeasing her, and ensuring that humanity is strong enough to endure her violence(?).

With Mariza thrown into the mix, Saumaces’ status is called into question and now they’re vulnerable to attack by their enemies, eager to get their hands on the most built up nation (second if you count Kiton, they’re also pretty good but had something of a head start rebuilding)

Kiton’s Lesbian:

Early 40s, Long ponytail or some kind of elaborate hair-do, no in between. She’s a military savant, having risen up the ranks from a young age and establishing herself as an authority not to be questioned or trifled with. Her drive comes from a need to survive, to outlast and endure. She’s heard stories (or was there?) for the aftermath of Indra’s storm (debatable, idk how long ago it actually was) and thinks that Kiton, and the world at large, must rebuild and strengthen. (Might be the universe's equivalent of an atheist? At the very least doesn't really respect the gods. Appease them maybe but those motherfuckers are on thin ice)

Saumaces Lesbian:

Mid 50s, Short cropped hair (curly?) and a sun-worn face. She’s served the church of Indra her entire life, and is heavily devoted to Indra (not like Priya tho lmao), believes deeply in the generosity of the sea and that those the sea does not favor have… maybe earned her ire. Is aware of others’ negative feelings towards the nation but believes that in time, they’ll come to see that Indra’s will remains. Is very aware of the power that belief in Indra grants, both in the literal sense, and in the "I'd rather not deal with an all out war" sense.

[quigzahhutt]

um hey hi hello how are you doing on this fine day my dude (struggling how to type normally bc i JUST woke up from a nap and i should really be restrained from my phone)

so um i wanted to ask for a trick or treat if you wouldn't mind!

BUT i did also want to give you a little treat myself if i may :)

so when you reblogged and put in the tags that your favourite fic is 'please turn those headlights around' but it's your least popular and obviously i had to RUN to read it and i unfortunately cannot say anything remotely intelligent in my 'still in bed' state of mind but im literally sobbing while typing this. i fear you have made a lump in my throat that will never go away and every time i try and swallow i'll feel it as a constant reminder of sorts of the devastating beauty that is your writing. like everything abt it. as of rn it feels like its been FOREVER since the logan news dropped (its been like 2 months) but reading this made me go right back to that very day purely bc of how well you captured the emotions. and the way logan was feeling SO MUCH and you still managed to fit it in all there like what can't you do bro???? like ur literally so cool omg. and. and. and the way logan's mind looked so empty but at the same time so much was going on and just yeah like i cant really describe it properly but YEAH. and also first time switching, that's so scary but you still managed to subtly weave it so beautifully in this narrative with the little awkwardness and apprehension with alex, they were so raw and vulnerable and honest with eo emotionally and physically in this SOB im gonna start crying again. AND the way the sex in the smut bit, it like basically represented, it wasnt just sex, it was also like a little symbol of like his ability???? and his own attitudes towards things in his life (his racing)???? like how when it said smth like 'gathering more data to improve his performance, ensuring a chance at a better finish.' or how he gets 'one track minded'. it's just. alot. yeah. ur like so super duper smart bro. yeah this piece of writing is like fucking poetry man i was literally reading a poem please hang it in the louvre and everything. never die pls and thanks. BYE sorry that was so long SOB

i hope you have a lovely day/night 💕

oh my word, FIRST OF ALL. THANK YOU? this inspired me to go reread it and it reminded me just how proud I am of that fic so THANK YOU SO MUCH for all the kind words on it. it's to this day one of my favorite pieces of work I've done ever and it has always bummed me out that it's my second least popular fic bcuz it's very dear to me, so hearing you say all this is just like. very very validating THANK YOU!!

because you have been so kind, you get an extra long and extra sweet treat from the 3rd part of Outgoing call! (which I will hopefully have finished . Soon) :)

Once he finally drags himself from bed and freshens up, Logan is already giving him an amused smile from the couch, the same one he would always give Alex when he was doing something unabashedly stupid, a slip of the fine-tuned and smug identity that Logan so carefully constructed. “What,” Alex deadpans, rounding the corner and trudging his way to the kitchen, opening the fridge and staring at the flickering innards like it'll magically give him all the answers to life. “What, I don't get a good morning?” Logan snarks, and Alex can hear the suppressed laugh in his voice. Alex has to fight with himself to keep a neutral face as he turns around, mindful not to let all his sickly sweet feelings translate into his expression. “What, will you want a kiss, too?” Alex retorts, pouring himself a glass of orange juice (Florida grown, the bottle proudly declares), his joints still stiff and not quite awake yet. Logan falls unusually quiet. He had been the one to start this whole interaction, and yet now he's freezing up. Alex chances a look at him, and finds Logan chewing the silky insides of his bottom lip, his eyes trained intensely on the juice and the way it sluices around the glass as Alex takes a calculated sip. There's a flush on his cheeks, and he finally forces his eyes away once he notices how purposeful Alex is being.

ahhh again thank you so much it actually means the world to me to hear such kind words :((❤️

send me a trick or treat and I'll surprise you with a trick or a treat ;)

[patchiko]

What are your thoughts on Jason from Three Jokers?

particularly for me, his emotional dependence is so big just because he confused things with the Barbara

3 JOKERS SPOILERS !

tldr; i ramble a little abt how i hate modern Jason fucking Todd and highlight how much justice this comic did for him

and how modern writers are just trying to turn him into a batfam insert of deadpool

Yes! I dont think Jason had 100% feelings for Babs, like he said, he thought it could work. It definitely came from a moment of weakness/vulnerability, its often that Jason doesn’t get cared for too often, not in the way he needs. So when Babs let out a hand for him, it hit him HARD. Especially with just being traumatized by the last two jokers, I think its pretty obvious he doesn’t need someone to clean up/watch after him but like need someone to generally emotionally guide him.

my personal pet peeve with most modern Jason Todd canon ships is the laziness of it(b4 i get criticized i think ANY ship with ANY CHARACTERS can be good as long as the writings GOOD and makes SENSE) . GOD NO- i dont ship jason and babs, but they still put an odd amount of effort into it, to at the very least actually flesh out their characters.

Jason doesn’t need a character that fixes his mistakes when he’s overly impulsive, or babies him, or fixes his mistakes with a veil of ‘Your so dumb but i secretly care about you!‘ because then it leads to most of lazy writing where he does something stupid but his gf is here to fix it! so its ok! NO!! HES NOT LEARNING ANYTHING!! YOURE MAKING HIM LOOK STUPID AND MENTALLY BRAIN DEAD!! anyways sorry.

Jason needs someone to break him out of his cycle of impulsiveness and self-destruction, not have him indulge in it.Jason needs to go fucking soul-searching or something im so tired of his ass— REALISTICALLY I COULDN’T DATE COMIC!JASON IF HE DIDNT CHANGE,, HE WOULD FRUSTRATE ME RLLY BAD.

ahem. anyways. I think Jasons note shows a lot about his character and something that the modern writers ignore a lot. Jason CAN change, he just needs a reason, a solid reason to. He doesn’t have to put down his code, or the guns, he just needs someone solid to really make him think about himself. “All I need is one chance to you I can be better. And I will devote my life to making you proud. Happy. Loved.” WHERE IS THIS SWEETHEART RN?? I SWEAR EVERY OTHER WRITER IS MAKING HIM A EMO FUCK-BOY WHOS BRAIN MATTER GOT SUCKED OUT THROUGH HIS COCK?? ahem sorry.

I really love how much DC actually puts details into Jason in this comic. Ex. Jasons helmets abilities being highlighted, “Helmets registering multiple security doors opening across the facility.” OR him saying the chronic pain management book was helpful. SORRY— I REALLY ENJOY DETAILS LIKE THIS. It just makes Jasons technical skill and such more obvious then whats normally stated. Also Jason tracking sea water off a wrench to the Aquarium— where is this skill in more modern comics?? I swear they make Jason a braindead wannabe deadpool sometimes i swear to fucking god. Also him shooting the shark tank so it eats Gaggy— I DIE FOR DETAILS LIKE THIS.

They don’t even get rid of his humor in 3 jokers either, he still has a really well displayed personality and his banter with Batman is really bearable for once, it makes sense and its well written. I slightly dislike how hard Babs is being on Jason but i’m not 100% sure what Babs is like. I haven’t read comics centered around her, so I don’t mind it. Also dont mistake this for me disliking babs for rejecting Jay— thats not what i mean at all. Just her constantly saying how he’s a criminal and focusing on getting him in prison like he’s an opp was confusing 2 me..

anyways stop trying to turn red hood into the batfams deadpool challenge!!

inbox is open 2 yap or requests sum!!

[qbebou]

ok not to be like he’s just like me fr…. but chayanne is just like me fr…..

i’m also the oldest child with one younger sibling who needed a lot more care when we were kids and therefore was deprived of certain needs in favor of my brother. i also had a parent that was missing a lot and depended almost solely on my dad. obviously tallulah needs more help than chay, with her asthma and lesser fighting skills, not to mention she had only been playing minecraft for like a month? or two before wilbur found her. and chay knows that! he knows that she needs more help than he does he knows he’ll do anything for her he knows he has to be the strongest to protect her. my brother and i are only a year apart but i was forced to grow up very very quickly bc i was on my own a lot as a kid while my brother was sick. phil doesn’t worry abt chay when he runs off bc he doesn’t need to, chay can take care of himself. hell, he took care of all the eggs when they first left. but at the same time, it’s comforting to know ur parent is looking out for u even when u don’t need it. phil’s not a smothering parent, he’s attentive, but not smothering. but let’s be real he can also be emotionally constipated LMAO but that leads to situations like the argument and frustration between chay and tallulah when dapper was kidnapped. in his defense, he’s never been a parent before and had 2 children thrust upon him to raise on his own. he didn’t have a lot of time to adjust to parenthood like ppl in real life do, he suddenly had 2 children who had their own thoughts and opinions and emotional needs, he didn’t get the time it takes to LEARN abt how to provide that specific care and while some ppl have that innate knowledge there is a lot of learning and navigating when it comes to emotional vulnerability and regulation esp when it comes to children who are figuring it out as well. i feel for chay when he thinks he needs to be the strongest. i feel for chay when he had to make the decision to gather the eggs and leave. i feel for chay when he had to take blame for bad things happening. and i feel for chay when he realized tallulah doesn’t need him as much anymore. my brother and i are both adults now and we had a …… tumultuous relationship as teenagers for reasons that were both our own and caused by problems outside our control. but i still remember exactly how devastating it was the moment i realized that he was fine on his own. that he didn’t need me anymore. and it caused a rift between us; on my end bc i was frustrated and felt tossed aside and on his end bc he NEEDED to be independent to keep growing. i see so much of myself in chay and i desperately wish he and tallulah had a better mediator for their argument, or at least someone who could truly understand why they were so upset. i don’t think phil clocked that tallulah was so upset and adamant abt looking for dapper bc it was just her dapper and ramon surviving on their own. just bc phil didn’t witness it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen and it doesn’t mean that they don’t have a much tighter relationship than they had before purgatory. and when chayanne said everyone was blaming him for the decisions he made phil was quick to tell him that no one was blaming him but also phil doesn’t know that! he doesn’t know if any blame was put on chayanne when it was just the eggs together. chayanne made the decision for the eggs to run and they trusted him bc he’s the oldest and he’s strong and he can be a leader but by running he also put the eggs thru a lot of pain and fear that they may not have gone thru if they stayed with their parents. and even if the eggs didn’t explicitly say that they blamed chayanne im sure he blamed himself for every little thing that went wrong. we’ve already seen him open up a tiny bit abt how he was questioning his decision to leave. but phil told him that chay made the best decision he could have given the information he had at the time which is true! but when ur the oldest and everyone is looking to u, all of the responsibility lies on ur shoulders. chayanne has been carrying SO much weight on his shoulders for so long it breaks my heart.

[derschleierfallt]

ok i’ve had time to think on it and caitvi got dealt…. not the best hand i think… which is sad cus they were my fav LOL

the prison cell scene could’ve been better? set up better? a lot of people seem to have issue purely with the fact that they had sex in the cell, but i don’t think that’s the problem with it. others have said there needed to be a conversation, a full blown spoken apology from caitlyn, and i don’t think that’s the problem either. i think it’s simply just the mood that really breaks it.

the mood of it is overall just kind of cheeky, maybe? the way caitlyn reveals she let jinx go is so weirdly playful given literally everything that just happened. it didn’t need to be an apology speech, but i think it needed more vulnerability. that’s where it loses me, with it being played the way it was, it really is just so CRAY ZEE that they fuck in the cell. ofc sometimes ppl just do that when shit is out of control and they need comfort and connection, but… i did not get the vibe that shit was out of control! and the writers calling it VI RECLAIMING HER PRISON TRAUMA?!?!?! ijbol u can’t be serious

this is really my only problem Tbh. everything else i can chalk up to the season being cut and rushed for SOME reason. but this is coo coo bananas. that said i did cheer when it happened and im glad the series ended off with them in a good place.

i wish arcane got more time, at least some more episodes or even another season to expand upon things, but i dont think that was in the creatives control. caitvi wasn’t the only thing that got dealt a bad hand, the whole PLOT of zaunite oppression being shoved aside is literally crazy. coming together with The Power of Friendship and Hey There Are Things That Suck More Than Piltover is… say it again… COO COO BANANAS! out of place side tangent in a caitvi post but i got carried away after remembering the prison trauma comment. Bro ur crazy.

i still feel pretty positive about the season overall… i think…? but idk my opinion has changed abt 1000 times today. by tomorrow it’ll have changed 10000 times. even what was done well i wish got more episodes, because i love when arcane does shit well! UGH