#like ugs didnt even know i was going through shit but like just being in a weird mental space and then opening this website to see all thes

[heartsoji]

hello, everyone. its been a while.

im really sorry that i kinda dropped off the map with no notice and YES i've seen the sweet msgs dropped by anons and moots and its really sweet to know that people ive never even met think abt me and care for me. will be responding to moots privately shortly - anons, just THANK YOU SO MUCH it means the world to me that you care sm. if you ever drop off of anon, i'd love to be friends :)

ANYWAYS, the reason(s) i sorta disappeared: just some family issues! my family is going through some problems with some certain family members going through a really hard time, falling into frail health, you get the gist. it hasn't been exactly lovely, but we're working things out rn and hopefully it'll get better soon. i kinda got caught up in everything and sorta forgot about my little community ive grown here. my apologies for that.

um sorry for this lowkey rly dramatic and overly lengthy msg but i didnt rly know what to say now that ive dropped off the globe with no signal of being alive, and i feel safe enough in this community (yes, the wonderful tumblr anime SIMPS u heard me right ugs (and me tbh) R SIMPS. community.) that i dont feel the need to just hide away my problems and just say smth like, "oh i got locked outta my tumblr account!" or smth idek. i trust ugs! love these ppl ive never even met <3 (more than some of my irls, even. some of them dont know that anything happened LOLL)

MOVING ON, i'll try to be active, but no promises! i cant say fs that any real work will be put out for a little while, but the biggest lump of the issues is over, and im in a better mental space now, so i can probs do some things? idk. at the very least, ill be doing some interactions and rambles and more abusing of my "jisu talks!" tag. i love all of you, have a wonderful morning/day/night! <3

[aylaspeaches]

Thoughts

A fic going through the multiple thoughts Atlas has a day 

(fair warning Atlas cant think about just one thing at a time, his brain is everywhere, so the topic does change quite a bit)

Word count: 905 words

Its pretty short, and was mostly a workout for me, cause im just now getting back into writing <3

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Everything was so cold, like a blizzard, ever since she left me, my heart has been in capsulized by the freezing cold, of past memories. She didnt necessarily leave me, she just, died. Slipped off a ledge, down into the ocean, I tried to jump, to hop to get to her, but by the time had drowned myself in the ocean, I saw her. Dead, her body punctured on a rock. All that, for the fact of her using magic, All of that, just because she was trying to treat her son? was it my fault. 

The thought in itself haunts me.

Was it my fault my mother was dead? its been over 8 years but the thought, keeps flickering back in my brain, and I fear it might emerge again as a roaring flame, like It did to me as a child.  If I hadn’t gone out to play with that deer, in the freezing cold, if I wouldn't have gained a fever, if I didnt get worse so she didnt have to treat me with her magic, would she still be alive?

I shove the thought from my mind.

I was his fault, If he didn’t add that damn law to the village we wouldn't have both almost died, that terrible, insolent, sorry excuse for a father.

That stick was so far up his ass, and at this point, it was more like some solid cock, the the generals cock that he was obviously sucking to keep his place in court.

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He wasn't worth it, thats why I cut him out of my life.

And none the less, I had Ruth. the morning always excites me, another day another trip, another probably meeting a hot stranger at a bar and sleeping with them because I have no self control. The uge.

Everything goes well till I sleep. I dont like sleeping, my dreams are always tainted with agony, the same pattern, over and over again, it always starts out with my father telling me no one would want me, then cuts to me and my mother being chased and then. This time it was different. When I ran off the cliff, to get my mother, I could see myself as well. Me, now. Jumping off, my magic guiding me over the stream, it was, different, from the rest, I didnt wake up screaming, begging for my mother this time, which was, nice, to say the least, and I felt this overwhelming warmness.

I felt safe.

I got that same feeling when I met ruth, she's been the only thing ive had since I was young. So tall, so broad, she looked like she knew how to scare the crap out of any guy who pissed her off, and she was always sweet to me.

She’s trustworthy., I know that cause the first time she met my father she threatened to castrate him and shove his dick down his throat. The look on his face was amazing and ive never wanted to hug someone so badly in my entire life.

I feel so bad for her, she acts so strong and tough, but i��ve seen her cry. She cried when she saw me injured, she cried when she realized couldn't have a kid. She always treats me as if im just her partner, her friend, but sometimes you can tell she has that motherly love. It breaks my heart to see her like that.

But only I know about that, she refuses to tell anyone else, she doesnt want them to see her in pain, in agony, and I hate it cause I can, I can see all of the sorrow she tries to hide. To me, she kind of is a mother, she always looks out for me, protecting me, caring for me, comforting me. She cares.

______________________________________________________________________

Y’know, I always hated labels, its so hard to conform to them, I mean, ive settled on being gender fluid so people stop asking me how I identify, but, that still doesnt supplement for some people.

I guess, considering how im “masculine” appearing, men just assume im a guy, that is, until they find out I have a pussy, its so funny, the bizarre look on their face when they realized I didnt have a dick. Not like I dont have a strap y’know, rude.

I guess, I hate labels because it makes me feel like I have to conform to a box that I just don’t fit in. I don’t like the whole gender concept cause it makes me feel like I have to conform to male, or female, masc, or fem presenting, can’t I just be a human being who can do magic and shit? I guess, there is places where I dont get those questions, where I can be me freely with no questions asked, but my job makes me go to the absolute shitties places, where all the misogynistic assholes who cant keep them hands to themselves, and LOVE to ask those questions, are. It sucks.

I can't even count the amount of times ive told I guy wasn’t in the mood and I had to stab his fucking hand so it wouldn't roam around my fucking ass. There is nice places, but I, never get enough time, to visit the nice places, only stuck going to the “we’re fucking asshats” places.

I honestly just wish I could go home.

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[troybarnesbucky]

I woke up and decided to analyze each 9-1-1 pairing with regards to timing and also buddie

I just woke up and all im gonna say right now is this: this is long-winded but basically it takes a look at all the relationships on 9-1-1 and compare the timing and level of intimacy to that of buck and eddie’s relationship. 

at the end of season 1 of 911 I remember watching and realizing they were gonna push the whole bobby and athena relationship, and I was surprised, because I didnt think there was any preamble or much hinting to it. but I guess it made sense to me - they were both single, both in the same social circle, they got along. sure, made sense. and then season 2 comes along and they’re smack dab in the middle of their relationship and we have zero time to adjust to it as an audience, but once again, we quickly did (mind you, I did not watch it live as intently as a fan would, but I do recall a lot of episodes because my mom watches the show and I remembered a lot when I was catching up myself). at this point bobby and athena are happily married and I really do love them together, genuinely.

then, maddie comes along and there’s a bit more to the story. she has a lot going on, a lot she’s been through and we spend much of her first season getting to know her and watching her confront her past and create her own present. chimney had a bit of a rough start with relationships (.... tatiana, sorry love, but you could’ve had it all sis). her and chimney start out as friends but it’s very clear from their blossoming friendship that the writers intend for us to want a relationship for them, and we DO. because theyre adorable together and genuinely have so much chemistry and they’re good for one another. it’s a bit of a slowburn but we get there eventually, so much so that in the season 3 finale, we find out maddie is pregnant! which yes, did make me cry shut up. 

hen and karen had a rough start. even if they did look happy, they went through a ton of shit in the first and second season, especially the first season. which is fair; hen cheated on karen, and a large part of her storyline revolved around her ex and having to fight for denny. but there’s so much love between them, and a heavy history that is palpable through the screen. by the time season 2 comes around, they are a bit more grounded, and more so by the time season 3, too. it was interesting to think about their relationship is comparison to the others, which we watched blossom in real time. especially in season 3, because we see their love and support of one another during their attempt to have another child, and yes I also did cry when they met nia for the first time and no I will not elaborate. hen also went through a lot of shit this season; karen, despite what she went through, was and continues to be super wonderful and supportive, if a bit wary (but its okay because drunk karen and chim was a gift and we were well fed) for a second. their relationship is everything and also karen carries the whole show’s sense of humor on her back, I said what I said. 

then we have three more main relationships: michael and athena’s, which is over in episode 1; buck and abby (im not counting ali because genuinely she was in three episodes, im only looking at the main relationships for each character), which starts and ends in season 1; and eddie and shannon, which technically starts before season 1 and kinda ends in season 2 but then she dies. 

personally I dont think there’s much to add about michael and athena’s relationship. firstly, michael is a doll and if they hurt him in season 4 I will riot. but more so, the show gave us a LOT to work with in terms of their past relationship. also, it was interesting as a viewer, to learn about them from the bottom up. we see the tail-end of their romantic relationship and watch it get replaced with a genuine love and care for each other and their family. it’s a stark contrast to what a lot of shows on television would go for; it has a bit of rough, bumpy start, but by midway through season 2, they’re both on steady ground in terms of personal family life, and it’s actually a breath of fresh air. their dynamic is heavily surrounded by love for family, and we love love love that. 

I think with abby and buck we all liked it a little, at the start. buck was sweet to her and we see a change in attitude and an effort from buck that is clear to have never been made before. abby is also a pretty admirable character; she takes care of her mother, is incredible at her job as a dispatcher, and she struggles with maintaining personal relationships but still gives it a go with buck. and buck, from the start to end of the season, grows a lot, both independently from and surrounding their relationship. as a viewer I watched the show way later on, so I knew abby was leaving and honestly, I really did like her and their chemistry. as we go into season 2, we have buck, who is still living in abby’s place, and then the introduction of eddie.

so here’s the thing; this is where I was trying to get to. the show (the writers) made and continue to make interesting character and relationship choices. with eddie and shannon, there is a very clear closeness and chemistry between them that yes, does get revamped for a little. there is also history, which is very important and can’t be disregarded. but more than anything, we are looking at timing in this meta. eddie comes along in season 2 and there are a lot of things happening: hen and karen are getting back to normal, athena and bobby are suddenly dating, buck and abby are - despite what buck thinks - very over, and chim is single and ready to pringle, plus maddie is new and freshly separated from d*ug. as we go through season 2, we see development with athena and bobby, very clearly on their way to a stable relationship and marriage. hen and karen are working through things, we don't really doubt their relationship either. both maddie and chimney are single, and they become friends, and we very quickly, as viewers, realize where the writers are taking us and what they want us to think. 

so now im gonna get on my clown shit when I talk about buck and eddie. specifically, regarding the writers and their timing and why I think they’re either really stupid or actually very smart.

listen, everyone loves slowburn. hell, I'm writing a buddie au that will probably end up being like, upwards of 80k words and it’s gonna be a slowburn. buck, at the beginning of season 2, is in denial. im not gonna go through details but I will say that like..... okay, he’s heartbroken and thats fair. eddie, through means of “what a man,” is introduced and within one fell swoop, buck is immediately jealous and then like, twenty four hours later, they’re besties. tea. totally fair. in terms of timing, especially regarding relationships, there really aren’t many things to note: buck goes through that weird thing with taylor kelly, eddie goes through his drama with shannon, and when shannon wants a divorce, it kinda all goes to shit. by the end of season 2, we have buck trying to move on (and also nearly dying by means of a firetruck but thats not my point but also writers wtf) and dating ali (guys how do you spell her name lol) while eddie deals with the aftermath of his (ex, technically but I don't know if its mean to say that) wife. there are more than a few moments between buck and eddie that hint to a potential romance and feelings, like the santa scene and multiple others. then, season 3 is very very interesting. 

buck and ally(? seriously I don't know) are broken up, eddie is focused on christopher and actually, also buck, and then the tsunami happens. there is also not much going on in terms of other relationships on the show; maddie and chim get their shit together while also having a crazy season starting and ending with talking about having kids with a brief intermission of “I cant say I love you” and nearly dying on both parts and albert appears lol (and then disappears, too?? wtf). athena and bobby are pretty cool, hen and karen are trying for kids and hen wants to be a doctor. we have some others, like josh, who go through too much shit for my liking and deserve better, and michael, who...... deserves the world. 

okay. cleared that up. but timing-wise, if we look at the writers and their regard for timing, then we see this: any time two characters are single and there’s an ounce of friendship even hinted, they end up together. fine, that’s fair to say because we’ve seen it, right? after the tsunami, which is a WHOLE OTHER thing im not getting into, we have the lawsuit, eddie fighting, lena bosko (yall can be mad but she was hella cool), hen killing that cello (I think) player, michael getting sick, wow this season was fucking insane holy shit.

but in terms of character relationships and timing, a lot goes on with buck and eddie. in this one season alone, we go from eddie being the first one to hug buck at his surprise party and christopher giving buck a card with “bff” on it, then buck almost dies (again) and eddie is, quite frankly, the only one who takes no crap from him after he quits and then the tsunami and buck literally tearing himself apart to find his best friend’s son and collapsing at the sight of them reunited and then “there’s no one I trust more with my son than you” (is that the quote, I don't know it by heart) and THEN heart eyes, and then the lawsuit and supermarket and “you’re exhausting” and “christopher misses you” and “I couldn't even call you to bail me outta jail” and then the “I’m hearing a lotta ‘I’s, buck” and “I forgive you” and then the Infamous Kitchen Scene and me endlessly screaming WHY WAS BUCK’S HAND ON HIS BELT LIKE THAT? but also very pointedly I will say eddie fighting specifically when he can’t talk to buck and then it stops around the time he can hmmmmm. and also “this is eddie’s house im not really a guest here” then the fuckaifajfgkjfglgakjdgag tunnel collapsing and buck literally, once again tearing himself and everything apart for a diaz, digging with his bare hands and the defeated look on his face and refusing to think about eddie dying and eddie very nearly dying but then recalling christopher, his family, buck, then christopher and buck, then christopher and buck again, then a rare shannon appears, and then it’s just-

okay. OKay. O K AY. ok. here’s what I think. either the writers are incredibly smart or just viciously stupid, or the third, lesser liked option, they know what they’re doing and don’t give two shits. they are sitting on, and quite frankly they have created, a fucking goldmine. but in terms of timing, and relationship choices, we have eddie and anna(?) as a brief thing that will either reappear in season 4 or never be touched again, then abby’s lame-ass apology that was just her attempting to justify her actions by claiming she simply just should’ve told buck sooner. but a lot of this season explores buck’s loneliness, and in a way, too, eddie’s. 

yes, eddie has christopher, and the others? they have families and significant others. buck has no one (except maddie but you get my point) to go home to. I think, in terms of timing and thematic elements, this season took the time to explore the loneliness of two men, but also by doing so, only high-lighted their need for one another, their love for one another. in the past, that has lead to two couples getting together: athena and bobby, and chimney and maddie. 

so, my point is, season 4 is the make it or break it point. we got (weak-ass) closure with abby, eddie’s anger and regret with shannon (and yes, christopher), an exploration of both of their loneliness, and a very, very clear rocket launch of their closeness and dependence on one another, in season 3. it started with a lot and ended with closure on all extraneous factors that could have possibly deterred the two of them from a potential relationship. more so, abby is getting married and buck has no choice but to move on; he may not have loved her anymore but he needed the closure (and no I do not think it was good enough and I think buck deserved more but that’s not my point).

this can’t be read that much into. it’s not subtle, it’s not subtext. it’s very clearly there on our screens, with every small or big line. they mean a lot to each other. anyone with eyes can say that, has to say that. the problem is, what’s the intention? like, are the writers actually doing what I've just said, setting up for a slowburn, taking it season by season. you can look at it that way, and it actually doesnt take a lot to get to that point of a thought process. there is a HUGE, fundamental shift in buck and eddie’s relationship in season 3. there is a perceived difference in their friendship versus both their relationship with others and the friendship between others. denny doesn’t call chimney his best friend, “his chimney.” athena has never once told hen she trusts her children with her more than anyone in the world. 

there are a lot of interesting choices that have been made over the course of three season, particularly this past season. there are also a lot of possibilities for the upcoming season. we may see a return of that teacher, we might see buck fall into other women, we may see eddie not fully over shannon, or (hopefully not) an abby return. it’s just a matter of waiting, but there’s no denying the way things were left off; buck and eddie were both single throughout the entirety of season 3, considerably closer and not guests at each other’s place, both very lonely in spite of the people around them, closer to each other than the rest of the 118, both have a family member (or more than one for eddie) to keep them anchored. buck is, yes, more lonely, but they are both left off in the same place. my question, more than anything, is whether it’s intentional after all that’s said and done. and if it’s not, then why, pray tell, are the writers following their OWN very clear and self-fulfilled pattern of timing and relationships to an even stronger extent than they ever have? 

[goddamnmuses-a]

Dan Watches: Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope

Alright so I did this for Episode I which you can find here and then Episode II which you can find here and then Episode III which you can find here. So here’s my weird live reaction/note taking/whatever this is.. to Episode lV.

I remember this being my favourite of the original trilogy because it sets everything up and basically kick started everything but lets see if that changes when i’ve finally got through all of these. 

Also I’m just watching whatever version i can find online because I can’t be bothered to go and find my dvd of it so yeah.. whether we get weird updated version or original effects or whatever, who knows. 

All the old effects like how C3p0 looks and r2d2 are impressive. 

There wasn’t really anything in the opening crawl i felt like commenting on, no big THEY DID THAT IN THE OPENING? but i guess it’s the first one that came out so that makes sense. 

WTF did the stormtroopers use to get that door open, that was so explosive wtf.

Also the blasters are like set to 10000 and smoke is everywhere. 

How did nobody shoot the dorids?

Yooo little Ani nice suit my dude. 

Hold on, she sent a msg with r2 to go to Obiwan which for 1 howd she know he’s alive? I’m gonna presume her dad said or something and 2.. ..why not just.. go yourself? 

So when they’re set to stun a Stormtrooper can shoot someone no problem

Also we dont get enough stun weird circle blaster shots

Ohhhh she didnt go because the scan for lifeforms thing alright ill allow it

but my dude.. even so.. maybe just shoot it just in case? like.. droids exist and people know about them?

DARTH VADERS LITTLE HANDS ON HIPS! Omfg he’s like “God damn, this bitch again.”

This Vader is a sassy boy. 

I love this guy who works with Vader and doesnt mind chatting back to him. 

Loving the droids in the desert. 

R2 does not look like it would work in a desert. 

C3 like “He tricked me into going this way” stop being a lil bich. 

WOOTINI!

The crawler thingy is badass. 

I thought that was a magnet it was just a big sucky pipe. 

GONK

Oh yep theres the new effects. 

Droids sleep? I guess power saver mode. 

Wtf is that dome droid

Luke! Luuuuuke! Iconic 2 words there. Well reused for that episode of Rebels where Obiwan watches from a distance. 

Bocce.. what a classic language. 

OMG OWEN JUST LET HIM GO INTO TOSHE STATION TO PICK UP SOME POWER CONVERTERS JEEEEZ 

How is that “wasting time with friends” and not chores, going into town to get something sounds like a chore to me. 

Why did they get an atromech anyway? Like.. what’d they need the other droid for? 

C3 is a real bro lbh, if it wasn’t for him, R2 would be with the jawa still. 

Oooh oil bath. sexy. 

I wonder if people ship R2 and C3 because tbh it makes sense to me. 

Luke got an erection at the mention of the rebellion. 

Now it’s getting harder at that random blurry image of his sister. 

R2 is a cheeky lil shit. 

This is just some good home life shit. 

Dat soundtrack. 

You know what.. it’s a really nice home. 

Is it just me or is Owen dressed kinda Jedi-y. 

So is “Sand People” like the racist way to say “Tusken Raider”?

Obiwan, thats a ridiculous fucking noise. 

“Hello There” iconic. 

You know what the Prequels do add a lot to this. 

A young Jedi named Darth Vader.. im sorry.. thats just not a name. 

For someone who wants to get off the planet, Lukes like “Naa but i gotta get home”

Obiwan also just being like “You know what, fuck it here.. lets go.”

You know what as much of a bitch as that guy who gets force choked is, he’s a good actor. 

Also Tarkin yay. 

NOOOOO OWEN AND BERU! YOU BASTARDS!

I feel like he should have dropped to his knees or something there. 

That is a scary droid. 

Cool door close. 

Thats a weird ass CG droid with a hole in. 

None of the other storm troopers gonna wonder why Dave’s being weird? 

Wahey! Figrin Dan and the Model Nodes! Love that Jizz music. 

Who just ugs on the back of a bartenders shirt? Wtf Luke

Yo he didnt even pay for his drink, free drinks?

Who gets the death sentance in 12 systems and goes around bragging? 

The first arm cut off and theres all sortsw of blood which there shouldnt be because lightsabers cauterize the wound, tut tut. 

Gooood scene with Han and Obi, honestly i keep forgetting to comment because im just watching xD

Wahey! Greedo 

If we’re doing a han shot first thing.. Greedo shot first in this version and missed and then Han shot him but tbh i prefer the Han shot first.. makes him more interesting. 

Jabba looks smaller. 

Casual Boba Fett appearance. 

Yooo Poncho. My boy Cal approves. 

Fuck those weird long nose aliens. 

The Falcon looks so good. 

Get those poor guys by the Death Star laser a damn rail. 

We just cool with igniting the lightsaber in front of Han and Chewie? Chewie at least knows wtf it is.

Chewie is a badass. 

Let the Wookie win. 

WTF that isnt the lightspeed effect.. it’s like a weird blanket tunnel 

The fact they get onto the Death Star with no issue is kind of ridiculous. 

The motion of Darth Vader is kinda just.. not fitting right. 

Han just pat Chewie like hes a dog. Rude. 

Han just gets caught up in this without a choice rly. 

He just wants those sweet credits. 

Also Set Design on Star Wars is amazing. 

Leia just lounging all sexy like 

Also does she have a stain on her tit? .. Not that im looking >.>

The Jedi being called a religion is kinda weird but i guess accurate. 

This has to be the worst star to a friendship for all three of them. Chewie seems cool though. 

I also thought the trash compactor scene was earlier on in this movie than it is. 

Who the fucks voice was it that said “Thats your imagination” ? 

How the fuck are they standing if the water is that deep?

I liek the touch of the monster whos name im sure i learnt but forgot let go as if it knew the trash compactor was about to turn on, that implies it has a safe spot down there that it stays. 

Some of the voices sound off on this but ah well 

Hans already a little Handsy with Leia but i think Harrison Ford was sleeping with Carie at the time so like.. i get it. 

Obiwan just strolling about, as you do. 

I love just these giant pits with walkways with no rails. If I worked on the Death Star it’d be a nightmare for me to get around. 

“NO WAIT THEY’LL HEAR!” ...and they’re not gonna hear you shouting?

Stormtroopers just shooting the shit is the best. 

You know what with everyone being like “Wow that ships a shitheap.” I can understand why the prequels made their ships look nicer and newer. 

I love that shooting a door panel in star wars just makes it so the doors wont open at all, thats some good shit. 

Lukes as bad of a shot as a Stormtrooper. 

First little kissy incesty moment but hey it was on the cheek, universally thats fine but im sure at the time this was him setting up that Luke and Leia were gonna end up together, before he decided they were siblings. 

Vader just standing there, lightsaber already out like “Ahhh Mr.Kenobi I’ve been expecting you”

As lack luster as the chroeography is in this fight im kinda thinking of it as like, they’re reading each other, like Obiwan and Maul’s final fight. 

I don’t really know why Obiwan just chooses to die like that but heyo. 

Vader stomping on Obiwans clothes? Why? I guess because he gave himself to the force and thats the first time he’s seen that? 

I love the gunner seats moving around, idk why i just love it. 

Whats the point of the ear peices if they’re just gonna shout at each other. 

Not mentioned it until now but everyone says Leia wrong. 

They’re really harsh to Han tbf

This is like if you got an Uber to a place and then the Uber driver got pulled into a police station because you’re a terrorist and then you have a go at the Uber driver for wanting to leave after he’s got you out of there. 

Another kiss for Luke.. .. okay

I like how Biggs earlier scenes are deleted so when he shows up it’s just this random dude who somehow knows Luke

That air traffic control guy has no idea what hes doing, nobody is even in the air yet or moving, wait. 

Man X wings are cool, makes me think of Battlefronts VR mission thing where you get to pilot one and it’s the coolest VR thing ive done. 

For a space station the size of a moon you’d think they’d have enough fighters to just wipe out the rebels no biggy. 

ALSO if they know the rebel base is on that planet, why not just blow that planet up? 

YAY WEDGE

The targetting computer seems very invasive. 

Those turrets are useless. 

I would have rated it if they let that random dude blow up the Death Star.

Tarkins thinking face is beautiful. What a man, 

If Luke missed this shot, everyone knows he’s turned his targetting computer off, so they would be PISSED

RIP R2. 

HWHAT!? 

Woooo Mr.Solo. 

Well.. Well done Luke you killed a lot of people, some just trying to do a job and live their lives. 

Han, Leia and Luke all went off together all holding each other.. like.. Threesome? 

I’m sorry but after that, someones doing some fucking. 

Leia just giving her lovers, dont @ me, a medal. Thats why Chewie doesnt get one, he wasnt there for the orgy. 

R2 looking fresh. 

You know what, that is a good complete story that actually works on its own, i appreaciate that. 10/10. :P

[fuckblizzardbearlover]

real talk: movie reviews

Your review/opinion of a movie is complete worthless shit if you dont base it off its intent and needlessly compare it to other things.

a comedy is suppose to be funny, a drama is suppose to be dramatic. If you were to talk about how Jaws wasnt funny enough and gave your kids nightmares cus it was to scary, as a criticism of a movie your review would be stupid, yes?

You have to go into a story, a movie or a series with sincerity. If you are going in thinking “i hope this isnt as bad as i think its going to be” or w/e then you are going in with prejudice. Its not the producers or actors or writers fault if you dont WANT to enjoy the movie, its YOUR fault.

“it had bad acting” ...well....no probably not. You probably mean the Acting was to campy, or the acting wasnt realistic enough, or the acting didnt convey what i think was meant to be conveyed. There are multiple forms of acting. If you want every great historically awesome groundbreaking movie that was filmed in the 20th century they ALL have horrible acting. Except they arent. Thats what acting was like back then. I am not a fan of older movies because they are heavily dialogue based. They focus on monologues and banter and i find the whole thing very boring. But i’m not an fucking idiot, and so i recognize that its a Different Style and dont go around bad mouthing it.

“its plot was obvious”...well was it suppose to be? I mean people say there are no orginal stories. it doesnt matter WHAT happens but Why. the devil is in the details. I mean if you told me that Dumbledor dies that ...wouldnt be a problem because I dont know WHY he dies, HOW he dies, WHO kills him , WHEn he dies and all the information surrounding that event. Like if the movie is a Jurassic film you know its going to go wrong...thats a given. you might as well insult a horror movie for being scary. Thats just....like...reality. Movies about a lack of conflict arent entertaining. You need conflict. So the movie is about when things go wrong. In order for this to be a valid criticism you’d have to explain why the simple plot is a bad thing

“the villains were obvious”...most villains are. Like we literally have one in the white house right now. If your point is that people would stop obviously villainous people right away you’d be wrong. if your point is people would have a problem working with villains you’d be wrong. We literally have businessmen in real life saying that poor people deserve to die, so how does a fictional villain saying that he’s going to sell a dinosaur to some mafia guys like any different?

“dexu ex machina” first of all i dont think that word means what you think it means. its a reference to the machine of the gods, meaning the moments in plays when the plot could not be resolved so they had the gods come in and fix everything.  It does NOT mean “the heroes got spared because an event out of their control changed the situation”. heck thats often how the conflict starts in the first place.

and again one has to consider the GENRE and intent of the movie.

Like i love all the Jurassic movies...because they are good and fun. Thats just how they are. They have philisophical debates, they have intercharacter conflict (romance or divorces) that leads to cute banter. They have things going horribly out of control. they have contrived coincedences that are fun or funny.

They have heroes barely escaping horrible situations through nothing but luck. Like thats whats fun about it! If you dont like it thats fine but to Insult something just cus you dont like it is idiotic and shows how unprofessional you are.

I HATE coffee but i dont insult it or people who like it

Like in preparation for the next movie i watched jurassic world again and was reminded of all the fun i had.

The horrific Irony of corporate scientiests saying things like “it ate its sister” and that look where you can see they are desperately trying to ignore that big warning sign cus they are trying to be optimistic.

the shot with the dinosaur foot thats actuallly a raven’s foot that plays with audiences expectations of a dramatic scene change of violence “oh  but its actually something harmless” that is common in these movies (they’ve had one for ever movie) while also lampshading the fact that birds are related to dinosaurs. Thats some top notch movieing

the silly divorce plotline that brought humanity to the cast, that kinda showed that the people who end up in horrible situations are people just trying to deal with their things. Not to mention how its almost always tied to the plot? Like how in Jurassic 3 them trying to save their child helped the mother and father heal their relationship, How the brothers attempts to overcome his shittyness because his brother is worried about the divorce leads him to do something dangerous that almost gets them killed

The silly situations and black comedy like in Jurassic 2 where the guy gets eaten in front of hte blockbuster and you hear his comedic “Ug, uuuggk” like the  slowly dying version of the Wilhelm scream. In jurassic world  you had the cute comedy of the frustrated Tourguide person “guys i just work here” and the pteredon stopping right before it would have impaled one of the heroes. The indominous being indignant at the weird things screaming at it so it screams at them back because she’s a petulant child.

And like people give it to much shit and it usually means the critic is being an idiot about it. Like it wasnt Clair it was Masrani who wanted  send in the soldiers with non lethals. Ppl want to talk about the light measures they took but the whole problem wasnt caused by the park but by a rogue scientist creating military grade upgrades without the company knowing about it. Ppl want to talk about how unrealistic the dinosaurs are but they arent dinosaurs? its even discussed within the movie that they are hybrid abominations made to look like what people think dinosaurs are.

and that moment where the nerd guy tries to like ...be all heroic “someone has to stay” to impress his girl coworker to only find out that she’s not that impressed, has a boyfriend and that he’s projecting this romance on their relationship where there is none and gets shot down, is like the single greatest moment in cinematic history, i loved it!

(though Claire utilizing her unique position as the person in charge to risk her   life to use the parks oldest and most iconic asset in order to kill the indominous is a close second).

Like...we get it. You are pretentious and mean and get off on telling other people how things are terrible..

but if you dont mind we are going to be over here having fun? and we are going to keep getting Fun quirky movies about unrealistic dinosaurs and contrived coincedences and campy villians and shitty love stories that take place in the background and these type of movies are going to exist forever because they are FUN

And if you dont like it, die mad about it

[neurodivergentchaosking]

Loving someone with NPD

It fucking sucks! I have bpd and if i was completely untreated, i would have been narcissist chow...more than i already was.

I have pretty decent intuition but it took a long time for me to actually follow it. I met (lets call her Mary) before i listened to it and created a huge blindspot that took me 6 years to fix.

We both arrived on Okinawa Island 24 hours a part, we shared a name and a birthday ( naturally my dumb ass was like OMG SOULMATE- after i stopped hating her). when i first met her, i hated her. I knew she was two-faced and i said so to her face. Few drunken weekends set that unfortunate Trauma bond in place. 

I felt so special. She's two-faced and cruel to everyone but ME. my BPD ate that shit up. she even told me that she thought i was the category of “bimbo friend” until she got to know me.....and i actually took that as a compliment and mentally lorded it over her bimbo friends. it was a disaster.                           love-bomb, cruelty, rinse, repeat.

We were just friends at first, she thought she was straight, and i thought i was a girl- neither are true. We kissed once in a drunken haze and it was absolutely terrible, so it really never happened again. you know justgirlythings. 

I was quite notorious (just because im built like a coke bottle and was put into the marine barracks and you know how boot lickers be) on the island because the Navy is just high-school 2.0. Mary never had my back through it all, she stayed friends with the people who started it and she ditched me all the time at her convenience . I was only on the island for 6 months, and right when i almost cut things off with Mary, i left on an expedited transfer (another tragic story for another tragic time). We stayed in contact via snapchat but honestly we didnt talk much.

Her bf was a bit of a loser and she was planning to leave him while planning their life together...look at that, another red flag that i took as a compliment because she left him for ME. fuck im so needy #narcissistchow. 

I made a joke about her living with me, and she just went full throttle with that shit. So we got an apartment together, twas the beginning of the end and i fucking KNEW IT. i felt it in my gut and i remember thinking...but she’s so mean sometimes... like whyyyyyy dont i just listen to me???? ug anyways

Right before we got the apartment she released my cat into the urban wilderness and he was GONE, presumed dead. Quinn, my beautiful fur-baby, a 13 lb maincoone, fucking HATED HER, and he only hated dicks. so yeah she got rid of him and blamed it on my husband (my life is complex okay). we were obviously not doing great and i didn't think about it too hard until later (even though he has never left the door open, like ever).

It started out so much fun! the adventures and stories that we created together were amazing. she made me feel like it would be like this forever. Bit short-lived.  she would insult, demean, and play fucked up mind games. Luckily for me she didn't get to feed of my pain the way she wanted because i don't exibxit vulnerable emotions (working on that), despite them eating away at me. 

Her toxicity mirrored the way i was treated as a child, so i did what i did as a child. i shut down. I stopped therapy because i was masking too hard for it be helpful. i stopped my medications because idk if they're working because I'm so disconnected. My ocd tendencies that i got rid of as a child came back. Im never not high on MJ (still am because i don't want to FEEL)

And you know why i stayed? because she made me feel special, and wanted, and even more so needed. She is so fucking insecure and i was a constant source of validation and love. we had conversations and conversations about how we were meant for one another and the future we would create together. We even talked about the children we would raise together. we talked about how it was weird that we didn't want to fuck each-other (she looks like an incest muppet lmao) but we were in a beautiful (toxic*) polyamorous asexual relationship.

i was def not perfect in the relationship. i would do so much petty shit (like i did as a child). she would make me feel shitty about something, so i would show off one of my many talents that also was one of her many insecurities. hell, i would fuck up her hair ON PURPOSE. She had this insanely long blue hair that ended in a short red Karen cut lmao i am such a fucking asshole lmao. no regerts

but like also lets not forget the times she literally threatened to murder me....just saying. i may have been a dick, but she DESERVED it.

She kept treating me like shit and i did the non-traditional BPD thing and started setting boundaries for myself. like when she starts being a jerk, just walk away. just leave. also make her jelly with something to feel better lol.obvi that made her MEANER. so i took her out to eat and told her that she was treating me like absolute shit and it needed to sop...she starts bawling...making up shit about how her anxiety this and that and she's not gonna stop being a cunt so shel just move out.

idk why i even tried after that lunch but like whatever. i even sold her my car at a discount price - but now she has the perma reminder lol. i tried. she kept changing the date of her leaving, she just got meaner, and what FINALLY made things click. was she started ditching me and lying about it ( i may have tested it out and made her confess to it without her knowing- she is incredibly stupid). that was the one thing. the one thing i told myself if someone does that to me again, im done. so heyyy at least i stuck to my boundary even though i almost talked myself out of it. so i simply stopped talking to her. for WEEKS. she tried to start conversation, i ended them. she insulted me and i would flip it on her. i was DONE and she knew it. so our 6 year relationship literally ended by me in person ghosting her.

Finally the lease was up and that kinda forced her stupid ass into moving, however. she like half left and half left her stuff. but she left ferret shit fucking everywhere. on the deck, in the closet, smooshed into carpet, random bits of poo strewn about the room. shes fucking Nasty. i cleaned up the ferret poops with her clothes that was left behing...and i rubbed it on EVERYTHING including her dishes. i broke a couple items (some on accident even). stole a bunch of stuff...even a dead mans gift...yeah im PETTY... but i stacked all of her shit at the enterence of the apartment.

Time for pickup! she allotted herself 1.5 hours to pack everything and go to her new apartment that is 45 plus mins away. she comes in- overly exaggerates on thanking me for stacking her shit by the entrance. i immediately ask for the keys ...says okay but then “got distracted”, we did that 3 times till she finally gave me the keys... then i told her about the ferret poo and she claimed that she was gonna clean it today...BITCH IT TOOK ME OVER 3 HOURS FOR THE POOP CLEANUP ALONE...so yeah fuck her.

later that day i hang out with my new friend, lets call her Anna, who is on Marys snapchat- while Mary was putting her stuff in storage (something she swore shed never do) she was saying how pissed she is and how horribly i am for stacking her shit at the entrance. glad to see she's as two-faced as ever.

POST BREAKUP DRAMA:

1) she tried to get rid of everything i gave her but she cant unbuy my car lmao.

2) she got stranded in Texas because she ran out of gas....even though the car tells you how many miles it has before it runs out...like i said, she incredibly stupid 

3) she tried to slither in my life by sending a pic via snap to Anna and then said “oops my finger slipped” ummm its snapchat and thats not how it works stupid ( and this is one of her go to ploys so like lol why?) it was also a pic of a boot that she gave me but its ugly so i gave it back. idk what her whole plan was but it backfire because Anna just blocked her.

4) Quinn came back <3

5) i am obsessed and cant seem to stop stalking her so now imma try just being crazy in blog form to see if my needy bpd self can CHILL. cuz ug i just want to stab her...like 37 times...in the face (it would be an improvement)