#at least i remembered to take our meds i should get points for that

[je-suis-problematique]

Working all night on that long ass post about my source memories had me realize that I probably also had a thing with Halsin and not just Kar'niss and it's making me Feel Some Kind Of Way.

– Sengo

[suzukiblu]

excerpt from the one where Tim Drake goes to an alternate reality and decides to get his other self laid via the local Kon's bisexual awakening:

"Hey, remember when you saved my life earlier?" Tim asks. 

"Yeah, kinda," Kon replies in amusement. "Seeing as it was about two point five seconds after you rigged the evil alien robot army to self-destruct and helped save our entire literal reality's life, so I was definitely paying attention." 

"Flatterer," Tim says with a smirk even as he waves him off. The self-destruct function wasn't even that hard to hack, comparatively. That time he'd downloaded Lex Luthor's active IP files from his personal office while the asshole had been on his damn computer–now that'd been tricky. Interdimensional alien invaders barely compare. And the Brainiac incident still gives him stress migraines when he thinks about it for too long. 

Metropolis sucks and Tim frankly has no idea how his own Kon can stand the place.

But like, getting off-topic here. 

"Well, I was gonna say you should let me pay you back for that," he continues. "But since you bring it up I'll also accept a show of gratitude on behalf of your reality, whichever gets you off harder.” 

Kon laughs, because he is apparently adorable enough to have assumed that was a joke. Precious little moron, Tim thinks fondly. 

"You know, you're a lot less uptight than our version of you is," Kon says, grinning down at Tim before flashing Tim's other self a smirk. "No offense, Rob. Dude's clearly just doing more yoga than you or something. Maybe drinking more tea? Taking the occasional bubble bath?" 

"Silly me, if only I'd invested in more bath bombs in my life," Tim's other self says dryly. 

"It's probably my sex life, actually," Tim himself puts in with an easy shrug. Turns out when you stop pretending you don't have a ridiculously high libido and actually just indulge the thing, a lot of life's little annoyances become a lot easier to handle. Go figure. "Plus my boyfriend Bernard is really great, just his entire existence does wonders for my mood in general and he also makes me eat real food on occasion and monitors my caffeine intake much more reliably than I'm capable of doing on my own. The man is a living antidepressant and I don't even mean that in a fucked-up way, he's just that good." 

"Boyfriend?" Kon blinks at him, then puts on another grin. It takes, Tim cannot help but notice, exactly two beats longer than his real grin would've. "Ohhhhh, okay, so the problem is just that you're not getting laid hard enough?" 

"It is not," Tim's other self says dubiously, watching Kon just a little bit warily and obviously worried about his potential reaction to the word "boyfriend". Well, Tim never claimed to be emotionally intelligent about Kon, so no surprise his other self is also a dumbass there. 

"It kinda is, actually," he tells his other self. "I was tracking my cortisol levels the last time I went on a solo away mission and let's just say they were . . . concerning? Like really concerning. Like by the time I got back I was kiiiiind of convinced I was going to need to go on anti-anxiety meds again. But then I jumped my Kon in the Titans Tower med bay instead and that pretty much solved the problem." 

Kon . . . pauses, sort of. Tilts his head. Tim's other self looks a lot warier.

"'Jumped'," Kon repeats carefully. "Like . . . what, you dragged him to the gym to spar or something?" 

"Like I blew his back out so hard that when he came his TTK fritzed out and disassembled my recovery bed," Tim clarifies helpfully. "It really helped with the cortisol levels issue." 

Kon blinks. Tim's other self looks pained, but also desperately envious. Tim would also be desperately envious if their situations were reversed and so does not blame him for said envy in the slightest. 

"I thought you said you had a boyfriend?" Kon says after a moment, sounding a little odd in a very telling way. Or at least very telling to Tim, anyway. 

As is the way that he's not looking at Tim's other self at all anymore. 

"Open relationship," Tim says. "Also Bernard thinks you're stupidly hot and really likes hearing about the kind of stuff you let me do to you. I've actually been debating inviting you over for his birthday so he can watch us live for once but I haven't asked you yet." 

"What, so your Kon is the side chick?" Kon jokes, awkwardly putting on another just barely belated grin. 

"More like my kept boy, functionally speaking, but he's having a 'weird about commitment' phase right now so I've just been making a lot of sugar baby jokes to soften him up," Tim replies with a shrug. It's only sort of been working, but it has been working, and he's willing to take his time on it. It's not fair to expect Kon to only be easy, after all. "Long-term goal is to marry Bernard and ideally get Kon to 'live-in boyfriend' status somewhere in there, but that would also require him not being weird about commitment and also figuring out how well he and Bernard get along in the same space, so we'll just have to see how that one goes." 

"Uh," Kon says. "Why?" 

"Because you are incredibly important to me and also look like a very horny Renaissance sculptor made you out of calacatta marble," Tim tells him matter-of-factly, gesturing meaningfully at him. "Frankly it's criminal that you ever put clothes on."

[remember-digimon]

Good ol' reliable Joe!

When I first watched Digimon back in the 2000s, Joe was the character I related to the least. Now, as a big grown up in my late 30s, I finally understand what Joe is all about.

At first glance, Joe is anxiety incarnate. In the dub, he gets the 'nerd' trope that Izzy avoided for the most part. Joe is always allergic to things, worried about the slightest danger, and constantly trying to be the voice of reason. His 'voice of reason' however is more 'voice of general complaints and worry.'

If I recall correctly, in the original Japanese, Joe is like this because he's the oldest, at 12 years old. He feels it's his responsibility to make sure everyone is safe since he's the upperclassmen in this situation. In the dub, he's just a worrywort.

Joe takes on responsibility that he could easily delegate to other kids. In the episode where Gomamon evolves into Ikkakumon, Joe tries to break up an argument between Tai and Matt about climbing a mountain, only managing to get drawn into the argument himself. Later, he decides that he should climb up the mountain on his own as a compromise. He doesn't even bring Gomamon with him; Gomamon tags along anyway, of course, but initially Joe intended to go by himself.

He shows initiative, that's for sure. At least when the pressure is on. Others have noted that Tai, Sora, and Joe are the action-takers while Matt and Izzy act more defensively with Mimi, Tk, and later, Kari in mind. I like this thought, especially for Joe. He is often stumbling into danger out of his need to be the 'adult' of the group, feeling responsible for everyone's safety.

One thing we should discuss is his crest. I want to go more in depth on the crests on a different post, but here I think we need to talk about Joe's crest being changed for the dub. Originally it was the crest of faith.

Honestly, I do think reliability fits Joe a lot better. It is awkward for that to be a trait of a child (Remember, their crests were developed back during the original Digimon Adventure OVA, when Greymon fights Parrotmon). But I do think he exemplifies being reliable, because it's the right thing to do.

Conversely, Joe doesn't really expect others to help him. He wants to be relied on, but doesn't want to rely on others. He saves TK from drowning in the bay without thinking of his own safety.

Joe is also the studious member of the group. At one point, while they're temporarily back in Odaiba, Joe takes a practice test and fails it. This causes him a lot of anxiety. It feeds into the situation at home, which is another point I'll get into shortly.

In Our War Game, Joe is unreachable because he's taking an entrance exam. He's in a panic the whole time, showing how important it is that he does well. No doubt he's one of those cram school kids.

As for his family, we do meet his older brother Jim, but not his parents. In fact, Joe's parents are the only ones we don't meet out of the original 8. We do hear a lot about his dad, though, who has high expectations of his sons. Mr Kido wants both of his sons to be doctors like him, and on his terms, too. Jim says he wants to go to less developed countries to practice medicine, and that their father doesn't approve.

Jim also doesn't seem to have much faith in Joe becoming a doctor due to his high anxiety, and the fact that he faints at the sight of blood. Joe seems apprehensive about it himself, even though he does eventually go into med school and become a doctor.

To me, Joe's story is one of perseverance. When he's working off his debt in the diner, he fully expects to work there until it's paid off and is genuinely surprised that Matt would offer to help. When his test scores fall, he resolves to work harder. Even though he doesn't like the idea much at first he does eventually become a doctor. I can see how the original script would give him the crest of faith with all that in mind, but I still think reliability fits him better. He doesn't just have faith that things will work out, he's proactive in making sure they work out. Even if he's a little clumsy about it.

[sweetismyaddiction]

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SUCROSE

Paring: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Summary: Visiting his mother that likes you dearly, to Spencer’s happiness, taking care of each other makes butterflies go all over the place. Asking for advice for friends. (They live in the same building, in the same corridor, just in front of one another… which helps the friendship but couldn't stop Dr. Reid from falling in love)

Word account: 1905

Warnings: Fluff, friends to lovers, anxiety, possessiveness?, pain, menstruation, innocent kisses?, talks abour orgasm...

A/N: English is not my first language. Reblog, like and comment. I am accepting suggestions for next parts. Please be nice. The Gif is not mine. Credits to the oner 

Chapter 3: Narcotics, care and family

Spencer's Point of View

She figured out my narcotic problem.

She didn’t ask a single thing, she respected and is supportive. I love how she takes care of me. I remember when she put the pisces together, I was in pain and was so rude to her, I wonder if someday I will deserve her.

—----------------

I was having a bad day, a bad week, and treated my friend in a way she didn’t deserved.

“I am sorry, I am really sorry”

She kept looking at me, in her door. I felt gray again, I felt worse than I was feeling.

“You never told me your name.”

“What?” Confusion was spread across my face.

“You never told me your name Sugarpout. We talk for months, but we have never said our names, we bonded, became friends and never had asked for names.”

She was right, now that she said it… I think about her constantly, I know so many things about her as she knows about me, and we never asked, it never even crossed my mind, it was so easy to be around her, I craved the company so much that I never remembered this little detail, such an important detail.

“My name is Spencer, Reid. Spencer Reid. What is your name?”

—----------------------

In this instant I had major head and back pain, thanks to the last unsub. At least we got him.

“Hey Sugarpout, I did a lot of research, and you basically can't take any painkillers meds. But luck you, I have a few tricks, and I’m gonna take care of you.”

Say the girl owner of my soul, invading my home, isn't she satisfied with invading my dreams and thoughts?

“Would you prefer to lay on the couch or in your bed?”

“Couch” I will have so many problems controlling my imagination and body responses if we get to my bedroom now.

“Leave your head like… this”

She adjusts me, and starts rubbing my forehead with some oil. I love her touch. I closed my eyes, starting to relax and feel better with the delicate massage she was giving, so caring, so… everytime was harder not loving her the way I do love. The selfish way I love. Wanting her all for myself.

—-------------------------------------

Y/N’s Point of View

“May I open a little of your shirt?”

He silently agrees, my hands slowly travel off his forehead, the sides of his face, his neck… starting to open a few buttons so I can reach and massage his shoulders more properly. My fingers do their magic putting pressure on his skin, feeling the tension slipping away second by second, every time my skin runs his skink, more comfortable is set between us.

“Feeling better?”

“You always make me feel better.”

“You should rest a little, I can keep you company if you want.”

“I would love you staying here with me.”

And so I did, I stayed for the whole day. Light music, reading, healthy snacks and lots of water, just enjoying our time together.

“I am going to see my mom this weekend.” He pauses, pressing his lips in a flat line raising his eyebrows a little looking at me as if considering his idea. “I… you know… my mom… would you… do you want to… go with me?”

“To see your mom?”

“Yeah. I mean, you don’t have to. I know she… well…” He laughs without humor. “It wouldn't be your first time seeing her, but I know…”

“Sugarpout, I would love to go with you, I want to go. I like your mother.”

He relaxes, and looks at me, in a way I don’t know how to describe, I just know that it makes me feel good, better, makes my skin light up and the butterflies alive in my whole body.

—------------------------------------

Spencer’s Point of View

Adoration, love… There are not enough words to describe my feelings for her, for Y/n, my Sugar, as I am her Sugarpout.

She made a few things to eat, and she called the doctor in the clinic to know if it was ok and what she could or couldn't make. So now we have a lot of cookies, cupcakes, cakes and brownies. She made sure to have enough for everyone in the clinic, and a side a special treat to my mom, in a special box.

“Hey mom”

“Ah, Spencer”

“Hi Mistress Reid. It's good to see you again, we bring a little something for you.”

“A present?”

“Yes, a special present for you Mistress Reid”

My mother's face lights up a little when opening the box. That is my Sugar, always bringing light to every place she goes… Maybe someday she will be truly mine.

“Oh, dear, you didn't have to…”

“It was a pleasure, as you can see, I put phrases from a few of your favorite books, so you can read and devour the words.”

“That is very thoughtful of you. Thank you.”

They got to talk, a lot of talking, my mother even showed my baby pictures, to my embarrassment. But I couldn't feel that bad when they smiled so happily, the womens of my life.

“You are a very wise women”

Sugar compliments my mother, she is always so gentle and true. She is called by one of the doctors and excuses herself.

“I see the way you look at her. She is a good girl.”

“She is.”

“You should put a ring on her, a rare creature like her… is meant to be taken care of, I can see she cares about you.”

“We are friends, mom.”

“A mother knows Spencer. A mother always knows”

“Hey Sugarpout, sorry about that, the doctor just wanted to be sure about the ingredients. We don't want anyone having allergic reactions. Care to keep teaching me Mistress Reid?”

“I would love.”

“Once a professor always a professor.”

She pays attention to everything we say, to the whole conversation, until it is time for us to go.

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Y/N’s Point of View

Cramps.

The every month torture that people blessed with uterus go trough.

I don’t have the will to move, everything hurts, I am tired all the time and soon there will come the blood. I am thinking about calling in sick, or just losing the day… but I do need the money. Oh God, why wasn't I born a billionaire?

A knock at my door and a voice take me out of my sad thoughts.

“Sugar? Are you okay? Haven't heard of you yet today, I am starting to get worried”

“No, nothing is ok” I make a crying voice, to add more drama.

“May I come in?”

“Yes, use your key, I don't want to move”

Spencer cautiously entered my place, looking around, the view was terrible. I am swollen, feeling tired, dark circles under my eyes, some pimples… and even worse, I am in pain.

“What is wrong Sugar?”

“I am awful and everything hurts.”

Spencer comes closer and hugs me, the warmth of his hand is in the exact place, making the terrible pain more supportable.

“Oh, don't you dare move your hand. It is the perfect spot.”

“As my Sugar wish. Now. Can you tell why everything hurts? What is the problem?”

“The problem is that seems like the Devil is using needle high heels, knife needle high heels, made a fireplace and is dancing around my uterus.”

“So… cramps?”

“You say it like that because you ain't the one feeling it.”

“Oh, no Sugar. I am sure this is really horrible.”

He places his warm lips on my forehead in a tender kiss.

“There is anything I can do to make you feel better?”

“Just keep your hands in place. It is good.”

“Orgasm. It can help with the pain. When you orgasm, your body releases chemicals like oxytocin and dopamine that act as painkillers.”

“Are you saying that next time you are in pain I should give you an orgasm?”

“What?”

I laugh a little about his comment, poor Doctor Reid, someday I may kill him out of embarrassment.

“It is ok Sugarpout. I am just not in the mood for any sex activity. I am swollen and ugly.:

“You are as beautiful as ever. You are always beautiful”

“Thank you Sugarpout, you are always so gentle.”

We stay a moment in silence, just in each other's arms, but he has to break this moment even if neither of us want to. 

“Are we not going to work today?”

“We are going to work today.”

“Good, cause I kinda just passed by to see how you were doing. I got to go to the office. But, if you want, I can call back and see if I can take the day off…”

“No, no Spencer, you should go to work.”

“I really don't mind staying if you want me too.”

“I will be fine. Go make the others life more sweet Sugarpout”

I feel him relaxing against me, and stopping holding me really slowly.

“Do not worry, you are going to have a lot of time to take care of me. It can last fifteen days, ten days, a week… my cramps ain't regular. In the end it will be all fine.”

“Hope you get better as soon as possible.”

“Good work Sugarpout”

And then, he really has to go.

—---------------------------------------------------------------

Spencer’s Point of View

I am trying to concentrate on the job, but my mind always comes back to my Sugar, I know she said it will be fine, and she can be a little dramatic sometimes, but it does not change my concern.

“Ahn… hey Emily, what do you usually do to alleviate your period cramps?”

I did a lot of research about the subject, everything I could find, but with experience I learned that just reading isn't enough and every human experiences stuff in different ways.

“What? Where did it come from?”

“What am I losing?”

Emily is uncertain about answering Morgan, why he always shows… well he did grow up with sisters.

“I was asking Emily, how could someone alleviate period cramps.”

“Is this about the door girl?”

“What girl?”

“Sweet girl, that lives right across Pretty Boy and has his keys.”

“You’re kidding me!”

“Ask him.”

“Well, Spencer?”

“Yes, she is my neighbor, she is a really nice girl, and she has an extra key to my apartment.”

“If she is just a neighbor, why the cramps questions?”

“She is also a friend.”

“A very dear friend.”

“You should invite her to go out with us. I will love to know the girl occupying the Doctor Reid thoughts”

“Are you going to answer my question or just amuse yourselves with the new information?”

“Ok, I may have a few tips, but you will need to see what works for her, it isn't always the same.”

“And I can give you a few tips on how to survive this period, cause women can be savage, and I ain't talking savage in a nice way.”

Prentiss reprimanded Derek with a look and a little hit in his head.

I paid very close attention to what they had to say, so I was more prepared when I came back home, and being able to take care of Sugar, my Sugar. Doing my best to make her the more comfortable as possible, and the smile bright in her face was the best part of my whole day.

---------------------------------------------------------

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Tag List: @mikitsuki

[clatterbane]

Yet another episode in AuDHD Chaotic Dumbass mode, y'all:

* Reminded yet again that, while they were "just" ridiculously fashionable when I was in elementary school? Legwarmers would address several of my problems now!

Looking all smug with those warm legs. And good for her.

* (Naturally get off on a brief tangent of looking for period pics of kids in legwarmers. With a side trip into Rainbow Brite territory specifically, because I remember those. Nope out of there after seeing some of the Sexy Rainbow Brite-themed tat people have come up with more recently.)

* Yes, I am old as fuck.

* Anyway, my one remaining lower leg has been staying cold as hell except in summer since the big crash in 2020. The circulation is obviously pretty fucked, for whatever reason. I got sent for some torture test over it just earlier this year. My sensory issues won't let me wear leggings or long johns to layer on any kind of regular basis. It's just too bulky, and gets too hot and sweaty higher up when the lower legs are what's freezing.

* So snuggy insulation specifically for the lower leg good, right? I don't recall any particular problems wearing those unless they kept sliding down too much.

* Oh yeah, I did stock up on not-cheap washable wool yarn to make some, didn't I? Around the time we moved into this place? 🤨 There should be a bag full of it. In fact, I had to replace most of my crochet shit after we moved.

* Look for patterns.

* Oh wait, didn't I actually buy one in a really cute cat theme then?

* Where the fuck is that PDF? On my old phone, maybe? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Should have it backed up to a hard drive, so at least that search won't require messing with the infuriatingly busted screen.something

* Now, where the fuck did I even stash that sack of yarn AND new crochet hooks, etc.? I know I put it somewhere "safe" and out of the way...

* I DO know where one big skein of black wool blend worsted weight is. And I think I may know where in a still-not-unpacked moving box in our damn living room the previous set of hooks might be. Pretty sure I saw them when I was rummaging for something else...last year?!

* We have, indeed, been living in this place for almost 3 years now.

* Which also means I should probably check exactly when La Migra has me down as eligible for citizenship. It is supposed to be 3 years for spouses of citizens, but they're not counting from the date I entered the country...

* Oh fuck, my currently expired passport. Really need to do something about that, though it may take a road trip to Stockholm at this point. At least we do have the car now.

* Ah, I still haven't taken my stupid "morning" meds, have I? (For nocturnal person values of morning.)

* Probably time to look for more yarn! In another language, with less familiar terminology!

(And this is, in fact, a slightly pared-down version. Because I exhaust myself enough, and nobody else needs that.)

[storiesofsvu]

Alright, it is time. Im not gonna lie to you, I’m both excited and worried about this episode. Am I more worried about the potential cringe that might happen or the fandom lashing out when they don’t get what they want? I’m honestly not sure.

So like…can we please just remember, we get what we get and fics, video edits, etc can “fix” them and make the endings that we really want. PLEASE don’t be attacking other fans or tagging actors in your posts complaining about shit, lets be polite and friends at the end…

WHY do so many show use the iphone “alarm” sound for major alarms, it honestly drives me insane

We SAW voit going back into his cell so this has got to be a nightmare sequence.

THIS is the singing shit?! Jfc guys

AND there we go with the bullet wound paget teased, now we now that isn’t an issue.

Honestly, this entire intro would have been way more powerful if we hadn’t been shown the jemily sneak peek, cause obvi it’s not whats going on if that happens later on in the ep…

Okay so… Emily either ended up at pen’s or called her up to drink and crashed on that couch and that’s how she ended up there? (obvi drunk cause of the bucket, but I still want more info lol)

Rossi needs like..sleep…and meds… him being in charge of the bau rn isn’t okay. Obvi Emily wasn’t in much better shape, and jj is like going through her own shit but it’s been YEARS of rossi saying he doesn’t want the job and jj has been the interim boss before so like, shouldn’t it just go to her? also like, rossi could/should easily take a step back, chill out, take a day of leave, this isn’t healthy. God everyone on this team needs SO much therapy…

“please im a mom, I’ve seen worse” jj is literally shifting right back into mom mode cause she knows that’s what Emily needs.

Thank GOD for tara to be able to see this, and finally be able to dig into it (hopefully lol)

UGH I FUCKING LVOE TARA SO MUCH WHY DOESN’T SHE GET THE LOVE SHE DESERVES

Like, she KNOWS dave needs help and to talk and is avoiding therapy, but doesn’t really want to open up right away so she just sits with him and lets him know that she’s there…

JJ GRABBING THE CHEETO RIGHT AWAY YESSS

Okay at least there’s explanation as to why this scene is so dark LOL

How did Emily wake up, get snacks, get drunk and get high between the time Penelope left for work and jj get to the apartment. Like, I swear it’s still before noon…. Also … homegirl is SO high…lol

Okay, so, so far I am glad that the scene/scenario was so short, like that arc of this episode is the comedic arc (so far) that keeps the ep light. Yes, it is more paget in Emily than we’re used to seeing, but also, Emily is full on losing her shit and it’s this loose, a little wild, unhinged Emily (that we saw briefly in the ep Saturday when, once again, she was intoxicated) we also at this point in the ep don’t know how/why/when she got high. And things like cbd/gummies/smaller doses are pretty regularly and readily available, correct? (I live in Canada, its all legal here so im not sure on specifications and im too lazy to google it rn lol) OBVI it would be very against fbi protocol, but again, she’s convinced she’s lost her job already… (and we all do some wild/stupid/rash things when we think we’ve lost our jobs/are on the brink of it… trust me..)

I think this is the first time we’ve gotten to see Tara use her doctorate (is that the right word lol) amongst the team and I hope we get to see a lot more of it. Like, let’s remember that she’s a dr!

Ah, okay, its legal in the district… got it. HOWEVER, she does say she uses THC to get her brain to unwind and the way it was said seems like it’s a pretty regular thing?? So like.. does that shit leave your body within 12 or less hours? Or is it fine for a fed to test positive for a lowered amount? Im not good at science so I’m gonna pretend that it’s the same as having a glass of wine or bottle after work lol…

Omg lolololol. Okay, yeah this is very fanfic of them, but I don’t really care, as if Emily got EDIBLE FUCKING CHEETOS. Like of COURSE jj would snag a few of them.. LOL.

How tf is tyler in an interrogation room….

Emily talking about how the longer in the job you lose yourself or your loved ones or more and like.. she’s literally lost all of that multiple times and has still managed to come back and be strong for herself and her team? God im fucking crying.

ALSO sobbing over jj being worried about someone from her kids high school finding the ai porn, cause fuck that somehow didn’t even cross my mind…

Man they are really pushing garvez HARD this season… and I don’t know if I want them dating or besties lol.

Ngl. I honestly am SO much less invested in the case part of these episodes than the personal/friendships… I LOVE Zach and think he’s an incredible actor and when voit is a person and not a hallucination I don’t mind him being a regular, but this whole shit with tyler? Im bored. So bored. I’m bored of this case, I want sicarius gone. S16 was good, it was one mega unsub with a mini unsub per each episode and I liked that cause it was different yet also similar to the same style of 1.0. but this is.. pushing it.

Okay thank GOD tyler didn’t actually go rogue and go in alone, jfc he’s gained some sense.

Man, all these two girls have eaten all day is chips.. they need some actual food LOL. “the ones that came before us, Gideon, hotch” lowkey hate that there has not been a single mention of elle….

 I do love that emily’s team always has her back and wants her to continue to be working with them, but iirc there was some difference to when she was gonna quit with barnes in charge, reid begged her not to leave, jj says “I’ll support you no matter what”

LOL the “I can’t drive..” “well, I can’t…” “rideshare?”

Also im sorry but they’re both SO professional once they get to work and em’s in full business casual?? Maybe more time passed than led on cause they seem pretty sober now lol.

Alright, welp, that’s it. Tonight’s ep was honestly meh. I loved some moments; I hated others and some were super boring. Overall, not the strongest that we’ve had yet this season… who knows what next week holds!

[anulithots]

BIO QUESTIONNNNS

any tips on interpreting pedigrees???

How does fermentation work 😭

whats your favourite organelle??

GL on the exam!!!!

THANKKK YOUUUU FORR THE ASKKK

Pedigrees

these guys were sooooo puzzling when I first looked at them. But once you get a feel for them, they aren't too bad. (Then they become a fun puzzle and you feel so smart and smug /pos)

Sometimes they'll include the half-shaded shape, sometimes they won't. On my practice exams they don't so I won't include talking about the half-shaded shapes (which are basically like telling you which ones are carriers, when nothing is half shaded then you have to figure this out yourself.)

Okay so first off, I typically look for sex-linked/autosomal traits. If the affected individuals are usually one sex (male typically) then the trait is sex-linked. If there's siblings and only the males (typically) are affected, then again - sex linked. (I wishhh we could learn biology with intersex people included it wouldd bee soo nicceee)

ALSO ALSO, if the mother is affected, then all of their children are affected - no matter what the trait of the male parent is - then I'd think the trait is passed on through mitochondrial DNA. (mitochondrial DNA is sooo coooool I need to reread those pub med articles. But overall, mitochondrial DNA comes from the female parent only because the male parent contributed only Nuclear DNA, the female parent contributed the cytosol and every organelle in it.)

From there, if neither of the above is true, then it's typically autosomal and either a recessive or dominant trait.

If it's autosomal recessive, then typically it will skip generations/ only some offspring will have it. It's just less likely that the recessive trait will appear, bonus points if there's four siblings and one of them is affected. (Not reallllyyy how it works in the real world since genotypes for each child is independent from the other children... but IDK pedigrees on tests and stuff tend to do this.) Also if none of the parents have it but some children are affected, then one or both of the parents are most likely carriers. (and if you can see the parents of the parents, you can typically find out which one).

Dominant ones just... tend to appear more. They don't usually skip generations, and if neither parent is affected, then the children won't be affected. (You can't be a carrier for a dominant allele under most circumstances... not sure if there's exceptions)

Pedigrees take a bit of getting used to, but they are FUN once you get a feel for them. (Tbh our ap bio class is kind of cursed, we went through a few teachers that all quit. Now I'm the honorary teacher of our class and honestly... I just got a feel for them. Practice I suppose? If you remember how different traits are inherited, then you should be good) Good luck with them!

Fermentation

OKay so not going to lie here.... I usually skipped over fermentation because I thought it would be boring. Once I saw this ask, I looked at it and it's... surprisingly not that bad? (At least to me, I'm insane.)

Okie so basically what happens is

~oxygen~ the most important molecule for us, breathe they say, breath is the language of the soul, our almighty oxygen...

... mops up the waste products at the end of the electron transport chain in oxidative phosphorylation (hydrogens) and turns into water.

But, despite how unromantic that sounds... it's super important. Because without our oxygen janitors, we can't do the electron transport chain. The waste products would build up and we'd probably burst into flames or smth (honestly that is what would happen if our cells tried to metabolize glucose all at once)

So cells that do fermentation decide to forgo the whole electron transport chain, best not deal with it.

So all it has is glycolysis. (I call it the carbon do-see-do, whatever that dance thingy is called. I don't know why.) I'll include a picture here of it

(knowing the names of the intermediate products is probably the hardest part.. I just... don't.)

Basically, add your phosphates to each side, split it in half, add another phosphate (not from ATP this time), Oxidize the heck out of the carbon molecules, then give those electrons to the NAD+, which turn into NADHs (One per half/three carbon molecule.), then you break off your 'caps' of Phosphates and add it to ADPs. ONce you add that extra phosphate, you make the ADPs into ATPs. Four of them total, but because you invested two ATPs, you got two 'new'/net ATPS.

I'll explain a few more concepts because I think I can do better than the textbooks if I do say so myself. (Especially the ones I got for school, mc graw hill ones.... like... ehhhhh it's so weirdly written. The book I read when I was little is called 'the way we work' gorgeous pictures and lots of metaphors, definitely one of the things that got me into biology, and helped me understand it.)

Adenosine triphosphate is basically a kitkat. Lots of energy stored within the last three phosphates on the side. (which slightly repel each other, so there's a lot of pent-up energy stored, which is why it takes all of cellular energy to make these, you have to go against the natural tendencies. The plus is that, like a kit kat, they are easy to break and release a lot of energy)

If you look at biochemistry, signal transduction pathway, transportation across the cell membrane, you use these phosphates (very negatively charged) to power EVERYTHING. Think of using an explosion to power your solar panels so you can make something. Like that. So when you do glycolysis, you're just adding those phosphates onto the ADPs to 'remake the Kitkat'/ put two negatively charged magnets together.

Basically, you're energy harvesting. The electrons hold energy, you take that energy from the glucose to give it to the NADH, your electron carrier.

HOwever, you can't do the electron transport chain. So now what do you do with the energy...

Discard it. You got two ATPs, and without oxygen, that's the best you're going to get. (Compared to around 38 ATPs with oxygen. Helpful little janitor.)

Essentially, you have pyruvate (the 3-carbon molecule you made from splitting glucose in half in glycolysis) and two NADHs that you need to turn back into NAD+ so you can do glycolysis again.

(IDk why I'm using second person now. By 'you' I mean the cell. ANd by the cell I mean I'm personifying, no one really 'wants' anything here. It just... happens.)

To do this, fermenting cells have this little trick, they basically give the electrons back to the pyruvates. Return them from whence they came. (apparently there's a good return policy)

If it's a muscle cell or yogurt or the likes, the NADHs give the energy/elections back to the pyruvate, which turns it into lactic acid.

If it's yeast, the NADHs give the energy/electrons back to one of the intermediate products of glycolysis. (I forget the name). This produces ethanol and CO2

So now you got your NAD+'s back. And you have two ATPs (net, four total). Not the... not the best but it's what you got.

OKIE DOKIE THAT'S IT. I RECCOMEND THE AEOMBA SISTERS IF YOU STILL NEED HELP /pos.

Favorite organelle

akldfjalskdfj tha's like askingg meee to chosee a favoritee ficitonall characterrrr.

..a jdflaskdfjaskdlfjaslkdfj

I can't pick favorites for anyythinggg.

LIke the ER does protein production, but the nucleus has the DNA and such, and of course we have the mitochondria (the powerhouse of the cell they say), and the Golgi body post office and the lysosome slaughterhouses and the centrioles with their cytoskeleton and their miotic spindle.... you can't do this to me /pos.

kladsfjasdf ENDOPLASMIC RETICULUM BECAUSE THE CELL MAKES PROTEINS THERE. kafjkaadlfkjaks AAAAA-

THank you for wishing me luck! I... I hope I don't ramble on the free response questions...or use metaphors... ha.

(also also, haven't really storyfied cellular respiration because...twas hard to storyfy. THey don't include the enzymes involved because it's too complicated. I tried my best!)

[phoenix-flamed]

So. On this episode of, Where Has Vonny Been? Or rather, Why Hasn't Vonny Been Replying To IC Stuff, because I know it's been a while since I've done IC posts consistently.

I'm almost always under some kind of stress. I may not actually do much during the day, comparatively speaking, but my sister and I are caretakers for our disabled father. He's not too bad off, not like our mom was -- but he still needs someone here at all times to make sure he eats, gets his meds, etc., and most importantly, doesn't fall, because he can't get back up on his own.

Tied into the first point, no, to be entirely up front, I don't pull my weight around the house. I'm struggling hard with mental health issues, and a few physical health issues, that make it harder than it should be just to function enough to exist on a daily basis. I know, not an excuse. But rest assured that I do have a psychiatrist, am on medications, and speak with a therapist.

To again be upfront, I have Bipolar II, ADHD, Depression and Anxiety, and some level of agoraphobia, on top of the fact that I just generally overthink constantly. I am, at the time of posting this, still unable to get my hands on Concerta for my ADHD due to manufacturer backorder.

I have very limited energy. Like, seriously, I can't stress this enough. I have very limited energy to work with on a daily basis. Which makes things infinitely harder to get done, both IRL and on here.

My creativity is in the negatives these days. I used to draw and write/RP CONSTANTLY in my younger years. Then I started trying medications in order to help with my honestly-really-awful-while-untreated mental health issues, and my creative energy tanked. It's been almost a decade, and this still hasn't changed, unfortunately. Equally as unfortunate is the fact that while I desperately miss drawing and writing, because they were my creative outlets AND some things I'd wanted to do as a profession, I need my medications in order to function. So I can't exactly just... stop taking them and hope that creative spark reignites.

I know. A lot of very useless, very personal info that no one asked for, but here it is anyway. I know, RPing is a hobby, so there's no need to apologize. But where I do feel the need to apologize is that we are all here to write, at the end of the day. I don't want people to think that my inability to keep up with anything is because of lack of interest, or dislike for them or their muse, because I'm trying to snub them, etc. The truth is that I can't even keep up with remembering to eat lunch most of the time. So while I understand that people can, and have the right to, get fed up with waiting, I at least want to assure everyone that my slowness isn't personal against any of you.

[celiaelise]

djdjkfkjdjj today my mom talked about how 15/16 was "such a hard age" for me to have started taking psych meds 🙄

She was like, "it could be really scary... sometimes you would be really violent... you would just start yelling at me out of nowhere for no reason!"

Like, sure, okay. It was definitely for no reason, and in no way related to the fact that you were verbally and emotionally abusing me. And "violent"? I remember I made my peace with putting my hands on her at times, but usually only so she would get her hands OFF ME. She rarely hurt me, but she would do things like invade my personal space, poke my belly to point out I was "fat", adjust my clothing without permission, initiate unwanted physical affection. I felt like shit about it at first, but I decided I was okay with pushing away a little old disabled woman, if that was the only way to enforce my boundaries. I think the most proactive I ever was during our physical altercations was attempting to shove her out of my room, so I could be miserable in peace.

Like yeah, maybe I am making a scene, but only because YOU made me uncomfortable!!

i don't know if she thinks that, like, the medicine took over my body? I'm not saying it couldn't have influenced my behavior, but it was still ME. The way she talked about it today felt like she was implying I didn't even remember those times. I may not remember every detail, but I wasn't having psychotic or dissociative episodes! (I'm not trying to use those as "extreme examples", I'm just saying nothing that would've affected my memory/perception/awareness was going on.)

Actually, I remember now something that she said in the past. Maybe even while I was still in high school? Something about how I got angrier once I was on antidepressants. Which is hilarious. Because I GUARANTEE I was just as angry beforehand. Maybe I was just too drained or shut down or self-conscious to express it, but the factors that were making me angry were definitely already present. Like I'm pretty sure expressing my anger was a sign of my improving sense of self worth.

Also!! It's such a ripoff that my mom villainizes me as some kind of angry shrew, and then I don't even actually get the benefits/catharsis of going apeshit! Like, my anger is largely repressed. I am exceedingly well-behaved by most standards. If I'm going to be perceived as some sort of rampaging harpy, I should at least get the fun of an actual rampage!

[forest-falcon]

WIP

So I'm posting the middle of a story I've been working on as I never seem to get a whole story out and I'm still editing the other chapters. 😅 Who knows whether I'll end up posting the other chapters, but it's something at least! 🤷‍♀️🙈

🏝️🌊🌅🏄‍♀️🌊

"Penny brought a backup cake?"

"Yes, well, given you weren't able to have any last year, she deemed it wise to keep one in reserve." Grandma motioned to the poolside buffet.

"That, and she knew Grandma made the first one!" Alan whispered.

"I heard that!" 

The youngest Tracy scarpered, leaving Virgil alone with the decadent desert. Smooth chocolate dripped from the sides of the cake, which was carefully adorned with ruby red cherries atop swirled cream. 

How it had survived Alan's presence this far into the evening was a minor miracle in itself. Virgil scanned for the sweet-toothed teen but the astronaut had vanished.

"Ah well...all the more for me!" he shrugged happily.

The birthday bachelor was halfway through plating up a generous slice of the black forest gateaux, when he spotted Gordon and Tamara making their way back across the beach; their surfboards abandoned near the shoreline.

"Everything okay?" he heard himself call. The fact that Gordon was approaching sans board, and Tam was holding her head made it pretty clear that it wasn't, but a small part of him was hopeful that he was wrong, because...cake.  

"There was one rogue wave that toppled our boards. Tam decided to pick a fight with her board and lost." 

"Honestly, it's nothing - I'm fine!" 

Several Tracys straightened, ready to help, but Virgil was first to close the distance between them. Thankfully, the others continued with the celebration, as if not to overwhelm their injured guest.

"You're bleeding." 

"One of the fins nicked her just below her hairline." Gordon gestured.

"It's just a scratch."

"Let me see."

Gordon scooped her hair back in order for Virgil to gain a better look.

"Really, I told you, it's nothing. Can you both stop fussing? Let's just enjoy the party."

"Yeah, not likely. If fussing were an Olympic sport, you'd have podium victors one, two, and three here!" Gordon said, gesturing to his Grandma and two eldest brothers.

"This one here is your gold medalist." He nodded at Virgil.

The medic chose not to bite.

"You need it cleaned up and some butterfly strips applied. It's quite a clean cut, so should patch up nicely, if we see to it quickly." He set down his untouched cake.

"Really, it's-"

"Or, if you prefer, Virg can get the doctors at Auckland to take a look?" Gordon grinned.

Tam levelled him with a stare.

"Tempting as that is, what with Two being the best Thunderbird and all..."

Virgil stifled a laugh.

"Damn Virg, she must've really hit her head hard, if she thinks your green bathtub trumps Four!"

"I mean...Two does see more action than Four."

"Yeah, but Four has the more satisfied customers."

"Guys, you're both pretty..."

"Hear that Virg? She thinks I'm pretty! Wait, where y' going?"

"To find a plaster and hoodie?" As if to emphasize her point, Tam gave an involuntary shiver with the onshore breeze.

Virgil shrugged off his favourite plaid shirt and draped it over her shoulders. 

"Come on, there's a med kit back at the villa. I'll get you patched up."

"I can do it Virg; it's your birthday." Gordon offered.

"It's fine. I'm a gold medalist when it comes to fussing, remember?" He winked to keep the banter light. 

"Alrighty then. You kids have fun. I'm gonna go teach that board a lesson." The aquanaut gave a mock salute then trotted back towards the surf.

[slifarianhawk]

Chapter 32: plans and secrets

"Tabitha, my dear, it is time to wake up," Albert whispered in my ear," you are home."

"Ugh," I groaned as he sat me down on the black leather couch in the hunting lodge lobby, "back at the lodge, huh?" I asked, sitting up.

"We should go check on Gale and Arjuna. I know you are worried about them, my precious lotus. I will help you down to your lab after some food." Albert said, sitting next to me.

"What time is it?" I asked sweetly, looking for the clock in the lobby over the fireplace.

Wesk pulled out his PDA, "About five in the morning, dearheart. The entrance to the old archives collapsed in one of the rat's explosions. It took me a while but I cleared out and disposed of the B.O.Ws. you should be able to have the former U.S.S. members be able to do a final clean sweep easily."

"Thank you, Albert. I can now make that disgusting place into a research lab separate from my main base. It'll also be better for containment measures." I started to plan things in my mind.

Albert chuckled seeing my eyes dart back and forth. My guess is it reminded him of our research days. I looked over at him and smiled. He seemed relaxed.

"My lady, there are a few packages that were dropped off at security." A man said walking up to me.

"It has been a while head of security, Billy Coen," I said addressing him.

"Indeed it has mam, and I'd like to report that Rebecca is on the way to check on Gale. I called her, she deserved to know." Billy said.

"I'm not mad and I'll deliver these to their recipients," I said standing up and taking the packages.

"Let us go my dearheart." Wesker stood up and took my hand.

We walked down to the base together. I was wobbly from being stunned by the bright light so much. I was surprised that it was taking so long to recover. It normally only took thirty minutes to recover but hours plus sleep and I wasn't something was a miss.

I needed to see what was going on with the angelis virus running through my veins. Was it the stress I've been under or something wrong with my body? I felt a concerned glance fall my way.

"What is wrong Tabitha, my dear?" Albert asked placing his hand on my back as I walked down the steps with him.

"My eyes my love are not recovering as fast as normal." I sigh reaching the entrance my thumbprint scanning on the unlock pad.

I walked through the now-opened door. I slowly handed out the packages that were addressed to some of my staff. The final package was for Gale. With a heavy heart, I looked at who it was from. It was from Rebecca. She cares for Gale a lot. It was nice to see.

The walk to the med bay was quiet and somber. The air was heavy as a cloud of unease was hanging over us. As we walked up to the med bay a loud "FUCK!".

I rushed in only to find Gale playing Zelda on his game cube.

"Really that loud of a fuck over a game, Gale," I said striding into the room.

"Honestly, you should be a little quieter in the med bay," Albert said following me in pointing out that Archer was in the bed next to him.

"Well, where have you two lovebirds been, spending some quality time together? Trying to make up for all the time y'all missed." He said while smirking putting his controller down.

"Oh shut up you damn mushroom-sized cocky asshole. At least my ass didn't get flattened by a sniper." Tabitha rolls her eyes walking into the med room

"Insolent brat."wesker walks behind her and over to Arjuna who still is unconscious.

"Gale, do you remember the incident when we were supposed to have a black market deal with twins just after I got back from India?" I asked, parting my hair and walking over to Arjuna.

" eh, rings a bell, why do you ask?" Gale said stretching out his shoulder cracking.

"It was the younger twin of the kid we killed the one who was being used by the Simmons family to get the g- virus from us. It was his brother who shot you and Arjuna." I said adjusting the pain meds being delivered to Archer.

"Oh, shit for real. Damn guess I should've been more alert" Gale said scratching his neck, "By the way did you merk his bitch ass for me.".

"She left nothing but a pile of meat and bones on the floor. You and arjuna were avenged." Wesker says adjusting his sunglasses, "However I'm worried about Tabitha's eyes. That rat used five different flash grenades on her and her sight has not"

" I'm fine Albert," I said walking away from Arjuna's bed and headed for the med closet only to walk into the door frame of the med closet, "Ow!".

"Damn five flashes, that's rough" Gale laughed at me as I rubbed my face.

"I'll just pretend no one saw that. But yeah and I lost my special corrective glasses when I fell into the base. Ugh! Why did I have to become so sensitive to bright light!" I groan, "Oh and you got mail from Rebecca" handing Gale the package and then sitting on the floor.

"I wonder why Alex is targeting the Phoenix Corps and not telling me," wesker said grabbing a wet cloth, getting on his knees, and wiping my face off of the blood staining it.

"Oh shit! thank you, sis." Gale shouted as he opened the package revealing a Nintendo DS Lite special edition of Zelda Phantom Hourglass with said game as well as Pokémon Pearl, "Sending me a DS with Pokémon Pearl and Phantom Hourglass, this is the best gift sis has recently given me."

"Billy said Rebecca is on her way. it's good to see them going steady." I said standing up, "Gale I need you to keep a secret that stays in this room,"

I turned towards him as he plugged in the DS to charge. He looked happy and relaxed the opposite of me. I wish I could feel that way but there are too many unknown variables especially with Alex causing me trouble.

"Sure what's up?" Gale smiled mischievously.

"It's about Archer or rather Arjuna." She sighs as wesker examines the stitched wound on Archer's abdomen, "He's my adopted son ever since I brought him over to the States."

"And with my sister causing trouble we needed to tell someone trusted. She told me while chasing the rat that shot you." Wesker said covering the wound with a sheet so I would not see how bad it was.

Gale looks at me dropping his cocky grin "What the FUCK! he is your son" Then he looks at Albert with a sour face "And your sister is a bitch, Wesker"

"Yes, she is." I walk over to Archer's bed and her hands, "I'm going to make Alex pay for hurting my friends and family."

"She always was. She objected at mine and Tabitha's wedding even Spencer was shocked at that." Wesker says turning to face Gale, "I want you to come to Africa with us Chambers. I want you to help keep Tabitha safe and help with taking out our targets."

"Count me in" Gale smiled again looking pumped up, "Ain't nobody gonna stop us."

I smile but then it fades, "We are what remains of Umbrella. I'm not going to fail in my plans on what needs to be done."

The comms ring.

"Billy here Rebecca is here to see Gale," Billy said.

I sigh and look at Albert "Go to my room and stay there we can risk exposing our involvement with you yet love."

"Fine but I expect you up there within the hour. I have a surprise for you." Albert dashed out.

"Well, that's probably that's fastest I've seen him just dip like that" Gale laughed.

I shiver, "Not the first time I've seen that." I touch my comms " Bring Rebecca down, Billy."

She hears a cough as Archer wakes up.

"What happened after we were brought back," Arjuna asked.

"We got patched up, you should feel fine soon" Gale pointed to his shoulder being bandaged.

Arjuna places his hand where he was shot looking up at me and my sad eyes, "Hey don't look sad T. I'll be ok."

I sighed a small gracing my lips, "The secret is out Juna. Gale knows and so does Albert."

Rebecca walks in with Billy "Hey big brother, how are you doing? I heard you were shot." She said worry on her brow.

"Rebecca it's so good to see you again. I could be doing better but that doesn't matter right now. how have you been doing sis" Gale reaches out hugging Rebecca close.

Rebecca smiles sweetly "I finally got my doctorate in bioengineering and virology. I graduated top of my class. I'll be making vaccines for the virus for the people you and boss lady over there help."

I laugh walking over to Rebecca and hugging her, "Thank you, Rebecca. I mean that. If it weren't for the fact we're not going to be on base soon I'd ask you to set up shop here."

Rebecca looks at Gale's shoulder and shakes her head, "Let me see that wound, Gale. Especially if you are going on another dangerous mission."

"It's nothing too serious. I've had worse than this scratch," Gale says trying to cover his shoulder with a blanket.

"Don't be like that Gale and let me see " takes off the wound dressing, "I could tell you were trying to spare me Gale but I'm a big girl now. I can handle these sorts of things." as she grabs a can of first aid spray and treats the remaining wound.

"His bonding with the Veronica virus did speed up his healing process but I'm glad that he has a sister like you Rebecca," I say staring at Arjuna.

"Speaking of which you need to talk to Chris or at least some way show him you're alive T." Rebecca scolds me worry back on her face

I plop my head down, feeling defeated "How? I'm being watched like a fucking hawk."

"She's right you know, Chris is worried about ya. It wouldn't hurt to talk to him." Gale says rotating his arm before hugging Rebecca again.

"Fine, I'll call but no one says a word about this to my boss." I said pulling out a burner phone from the desk in the medical room, "Do I have everyone's word"

Arjuna quickly nods in agreement as do Billy and Rebecca. They seemed very interested in the conversation I was about to have.

"Gale? What say you?" I ask entering the number.

"Aye aye, captain!" Gale laughs.

Tabitha quickly flips off Gale and dials Chris's desk at the B.S.A.A. It rang for a while. I started to wonder what was taking him so long.

Ring ... ring...

"Redfield..." Chris said finally picking up.

"Chris I'm sorry," I said, starting to cry again.

"Oh my god! she did it!" Gale exclaims.

"Gale ssssh!"Rebecca shushes Gale.

"No, it can't be. T how? I thought Wesker. Surely he would have. How are you even alive?" Chris said chokingly.

"I did what I needed to for the moment. I don't have long. I have managed to infiltrate deeply and I'm safe. he won't hurt me. At least I'm sure of that for now Chris." I wipe my eyes trying to be strong for my brother.

"Who won't hurt you?" Rebecca asked worried still.

"It's nothing Rebecca we got it under control, trust me," Gale said comforting his sister.

"Alright. I trust you guys." Rebecca said hugging Gale.

"I found what I needed to... I'm...I'm OK. Gale will be with me now and Chris tell Claire I love her... I love you... but this will be our last communication for a long while. Update O'Brian that the mission is going smoothly and it is not the time we put a stop to this. In three years there will be a crisis but we can stop it... I need to just do my job." I say collapsing to my knees.

"T NO! DON'T GO. I CAN NOT LOSE YOU TOO NOT AGAIN!" Chris shouts as I reach out for the hang-up button.

"I am so proud of you and Claire. Chris, we will be a family again one day. Listen to the tapes and let them guide you. I love you, little brother. Goodbye." I hung up hearing Chris scream out on the phone.

Rebecca runs over to me and pulls me to embrace her as she sits on the floor next to me.

Tears drip down my face and my heart aches. Rebecca's embrace was warming but it didn't reach my heart. I doubt anything would. I felt numb.

I turn to watch as Gale just sits there in silence. Turning to face Juna he stared at me with pleading eyes. Billy and Rebecca stared at each other saddened at the state I was in.

I stood up and cracked my neck, "I will bring wesker to justice one way or another. Even If it means I'll be alone again."

Rebecca smiled and looked at Gale "You won't be alone this time. You have me and Gale. Chris will be there too, I promise."

Arjuna asks Billy to leave the room and once he does and the door closes Arjuna speaks, "You won't be alone because we will bring him to justice and rehabilitate and have him at Phoenix Corps. I may not know the man well but if he means so much to you we should try right."

" yeah, we'll get that son of a bitch wesker." Gale looks at Rebecca "Sorry you can't come with us, sis."

Rebecca's smiling stops "I know you don't want me to help but I want to."

"It's too dangerous for you to come with us," Gale looks down at the floor for a moment then back up at Rebecca "I don't wanna lose you too, and I would stay or go home but Tabitha needs my help and after all we been through, kind hard to say no."

I walk over to Rebecca and place my hand on Rebecca's shoulder, "I need you to keep supplying Pheonix Corps with the t and g virus vaccines I know the Veronica one is in the works. I promise I'll keep Gale safe I view you and him as my siblings I won't let him die besides I think I'd have to drop a

Six-ton boulder on him for him to stay down"

Rebecca nods and takes off her necklace, "Here Gale, this was Mom's. I want you to bring it back to me when you bring Wesker down."

I look between the siblings and chuckle.

Rebecca smiles "Please Gale take my locket."

Gale takes the locket and says " I'll come back, I'll promise that."

Rebecca hugs her brother a few tears cresting her eyes, "You better you big dummy.".

"It's a promise" Gale hugged Rebecca back as they shared a moment.

Tabitha smiles and then looks serious "Hey Gale, do you still have my restraining cuffs? The ones Sergei used on me. I have a feeling the boss is going to need them soon."

Rebecca looks at Gale confused.

"Yeah, I'll have to find them first," Gale smirks.

"Do you have an idea where they are? He is quite impatient." blushed a bit and Rebecca laughed.

"Wesker still has his restraining kink then. That's hilarious T"

Her saying that made me blush more, "Rebecca! Why? Any idea where they are Gale?"

" Probably in my locker or bag or something, don't remember" Gale chuckled.

"Fun.....well you two have a lovely visit I'm going to check your training room Gale it's already almost been an hour," I said hugging Archer.

"Don't have too much fun now." Rebecca laughs elbowing Gale on the shoulder.

Growling I walked out the door I heard them talking "Hey Gale I got Pokémon diamond want to play?".

The door closed as I heard the siblings laughing. Sprinting to Gale's training room I quickly picked the locker's lock and as I expected the cuffs were right on the top shelf he probably placed them there when he got back.

I swiftly closed up the locker and dashed to my elevator. Opening the door of the elevator, I stepped on. I knew Albert was waiting for me. I had a sick idea that would probably get Albert to lay off Chris for a while.

It would break Chris's heart but at least he and Claire would be safe. I'd show my twisted side. Albert always loved the idea of fucking me on camera. This way I could show Chris I'm alive at least.

Stepping out of the elevator I noticed the smell of roses and sweetpeas. It was the candle on my bedside table. I heard the shower running. I walked over to my closet and pulled down an old worn black box. This would hurt Chris but I need to prove that I'm loyal to Albert in a way only I could.

I was about to give some of the best acting of my life. As much as it would hurt Chris. My heart was in shatters. I was sure this would break him. But the mission comes first. I promised Alistar I would bring her father home. That was exactly my plan. Sometimes we just have to play the freak to do that.

I loved my family and to save my family. I would have to break my family. I was disappointed in myself for even thinking about suggesting this. But it would keep him off Albert's radar so in my mind it was worth it.

"Something on your mind lotus," Albert asked holding his towel across his waist.

"I think I have a way to keep Chris and Claire at bay," I said rubbing my eyes, "I just can not do it alone."

With that Albert smirked, "Oh my lovely lotus, what are you thinking."

Hey, there everyone slifarianhawk here and holy Halibut was this a long one? It was worth it in my mind. The next chapter will be hot and heavy smut. Bdsm knife play and sense deprivation. Skip if you don't like it's up to you my name is Silfarianhawk and I'm not so far away 🪷

[brw]

the thing is that with his bipolar diagnosis, it makes sense that yellowjacket manifested from a failed suicide attempt or at least a very severe depressive episode because for a lot of people, manic episodes are actually a defense mechanism against depression. I don't know much about the different personalities situation & I think the writers just thought it would be a fun storyline or something but if we read it as psychosis or even schizoaffective disorder, it's really interesting. I wish they addressed how fucked up the marriage was though.. iirc janet said something in busiek's avengers run but hank never addressed it, which is so wrong.

i mean, initially they describe hank as schizophrenic, but the actual way they describe hank creating a completely new identity from an accident / trauma more closely replicates what we now understand to be DID, but obviously as time went on, as our understanding of mental health developed this became pretty much not a thing outside of this issue, but obviously it's good to contextualise where writers were coming from from their poor and sensationalised depiction of schizophrenia & hallucinations.

(my assumption for yellowjacket is some writer thought he was boring, suggested they kill him off, someone else who liked hank a little more said they should just give him a new superhero identity again, and by combining the two you get the yellowjacket arc. this is purely speculation, so if anyone else has an interview where they talk about this more, let me know)

but yeah, to me, YJ in contemporary comics being caused by hank attempting suicide, failing, and struggling with mania & psychosis makes like. more sense than writers might think & fits in with hank attempting suicide in other comics. like, hank attempting suicide being the catalyst for YJ makes a lot of sense to me and i'm kind of suprised it isn't canon, but whatever.

this is also where hank, by being a product of the 60s and evolving as understanding of mental health & further research evolved, has kind of become like one of the most authentic depictions of mental health i've seen in comics. because i can imagine hank like, getting diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia back when that was still on the DSM, with him describing himself repeatedly as having hallucinations and generally describing symptoms of schizophrenia during Double Feature, and with how much hank being paranoid is a part of Season One. and I can imagine hank getting rescreened after they remove it in the 2000s, and getting diagnosed with loads of different things, which is why we see him taking various meds for depression, PTSD and anxiety throughout the 2000s, until eventually in 2010 getting his bipolar diagnosis. it's a common thing for some people to have issues with diagnosis or getting misdiagnosed or having multiple diagnosis' at once and i think though it wasn't intentional hank having such a varied history with "what's wrong with him" ends up being a really authentic piece on how diagnosis is more complicated than others think.

and yeah, marvel and fans need to do more to talk abt how fucked up that wedding was. i said it before and i'll say it again, the text is before janet and hank get married hank genuinely believes he is his own murderer and he is not hank pym. like canonically he is suffering from a massive break in reality and is having an episode where he's experiencing psychosis and can no longer remember who he is. that is not a man in my opinion in a state where he can consent to getting married. and throughout their marriage, while i love janet, we do see her repeatedly dismiss his issues as being a simple matter of insecurity. she actively ignores parts of him that are clear issues with his health, and at one point literally says to him "you look sad, start smiling more". hank's wellbeing and his health are actively dismissed and belittled by avengers and by janet, but that would of course come at the price of acknowledging hank as anything other than an abusive asshole, so you know.

ultimately what i love about hank is how unmarketable he really is. his mental health issues are ugly, they are obvious, they have ruined some of his relationships permanently, they have a big impact on how he lives his life and what kind of person he is, he has attempted suicide directly because he struggles so much with his mental health and with the impact it's had on him, and yet, the thesis statement on a lot of hank led comics like double feature, like season one, like avengers academy, like avengers a.i., like tales to astonish vol 3, hell, even slott's mighty avengers, is that hank pym is an inherently good person who helps others to the best of his ability. and that's more powerful than either fans or writers seem to appreciate and it just sucks that such an accidentally authentic mentally ill character has the parts where he is genuinely powerful or good be ignored bc of an arc that came out in the 80s like it just sucks a lot.

[casketscratch]

i think this place has been good for me in a... tentatively feeding scraps of myself to the blog, and instead of getting my hand smacked or regretting it, it's just. an okay thing. it's like a neutral thing to exist in a space and to have experiences i talk about and that's like. some people even kinda relate sometimes, and that's like. neeeew? i don't want to oversell it and be like tumblr is healing something in me just by letting me exist in the smallest way possible here, b u t:

people relating to me is not an experience i am ever prepared for. even my friends now it's mostly a... as long as i only exist close to them but don't try to connect too much. because i know i make other people uncomfortable. you know? it's not nothing but it's not... emotionally nourishing, either. i know it's not, because i'm trying to figure out ways to connect without feeling scared or sabotage myself by being like "what's even the point, it's too late to try."

this is. i struggle with admitting this enough that i'm having to interrupt myself to unclench my jaw. but it's the ... teeniest, tiniest little attempt to be open and honest. i am so scared of doing that again after the last year, two, three? that i have to actually like. argue with some of our more edgier (affectionate) protectors about doing it at all.

i say teeniest and tiniest but it's been a huge effort to not shut down totally and keep trying. "connect with other people" is apparently our most convoluted labyrinth of internal defenses. (like a labyrinth should be!)

so thank you to this space, i guess? i can never like.

initiate contact, the self-sabotage is mostly like, the hour of "no one wants to hear what you'd say anyway," "you'll just feel bad the whole time," "why even bother think of all the wreckage and people you've hurt behind you." and it works, is the bitch, it hits so hard that it feels like a gatekeeper that turns us all into these little like, "oh he's right, why WOULD we?" because then it's such a disorienting switch i barely remember what i was doing. or trying to do.

(i just typed all tht out and now i'm like oh fuck i got your number, man. we're gonna talk. see, this shit is useful! so many tiny insights)

anyway right yes uhhh.

... thank you. the internet being what it is i always feel like i'm one wrong word or opinion away from being run out. and when your connections to communities or other people are zero, or close to zero, feeling like even your preliminary avenues to try to connect in the first place are traps is really bad. for me. probably for other people but i'm just talking about me.

and then you take all that constant supervision from others and marry it with that internal protector sense of "see i told you everyone is a piece of shit and you won't belong there, either" and enter the canyon of despair. to crawl out of until the next time the cycle happens again.

but i think the scraps feeding bit is working. we're committed to being honest and non-judgmental of each other as possible. it at least seems to work against the endless vigilance and paranoia over, is that an okay thing to say? is someone going to call me out for [long list of discourse points in my head]. can i even talk about my own trauma without upsetting the people who'll tell me it's fake or invalidating their own, is the fact we work with our persecutors even when they're "bad" or "evil" going to start shit, etc. You know... the concerns that all boil down to avoiding feeling shame for stuff we're just trying to figure out.

which means we're like. obliquely managing to work with the alters and fragments who carry the shame that DOES immobilize us and DOES send so many of us to the stars. in baby bites. right here. just like that. where no one's yet ripped our head off or even tried to for not doing any of this right or sometimes having Bad Opinions or whatever.

something's working. and the sleepy meds are definitely working and if i don't stop now this will turn int a 2k word thing about shame and avoidance and freedom and let's just. flop. i'm gonna flop.

[againstme]

today was kind of mainly just nothing. our “case management” group was really nothing but a patient bitching, there was too much talking for me to get anything done. the next group was just us vaguely talking about self care goals for the week? that staff member talks for sooooo long but at least it makes the group go by kind of fast? super overstimulating though.

then i had trauma therapy, which was rough. i did good, like i was able to dig through what we were talking about and i was able to recount and remember more things about the situation, things that i thought that i had forgotten.

and i also was told by her that it’s very common for me to feel like there’s no point in doing the therapy, and that it’s just something i can get over by myself, and that’s just the brain’s way of trying to run away from doing the hard work because that means that i wouldn’t have to bring things up and hurt doing uncomfortable work. and that it’ll find any excuse it can to stop the work. and also, that if i could’ve just worked on this by myself without therapy, i would’ve done it by now.

after that i had lunch, where i didn’t eat anything but chips, again. and then the patient that hates me was being mean to me and talking shit about me.

oh yeah, in the group in the morning, while a staff member had stepped out of the room, he said “can you stop breathing the same air as me, chase?” just completely unprompted. there’s more things he said and did but i’m too tired to try to go into it now. i think i took a screenshot of things i said though, i’ll post them in a reblog.

so that made me very sad and too uncomfortable to want to go to group. i think i kind of have exhausted all the sources i had in my body for crying because cried so much last week. and now i’m just kind of feeling numb, or i’ll feel tears welling up in my eyes, but they aren’t able to come out. which is annoying, honestly.

and also, staff just kind of told me that gabe (the guy who hates me) is just gonna be gabe, and basically that i should just keep my distance and not engage. i’m literally only going downstairs when i have to eat, take my meds, or do my chore, and he’s still finding ways to be so mean to me during those times. especially when staff aren’t around. i’ve started recording things when he starts on his bullshit.

the groups after lunch were also kind of nothing, i barely remember them. i didn’t go to the next group because i didn’t want to be around gabe after he was so upset with me, so i stayed in the other group room. and then the next group was the loud staff member again, where we went around Again about the self care thing and only got handed out a piece of paper talking about commitments like 6 minutes before the group was over. and then in the next group, also with him, we did this thing where we all wrote a word on the whiteboard to make a sentence that sounded stupid. at least it wasn’t about israel this time, that happened last time.

and then in the last group we just watched pirates of the caribbean.

so yeah. today was kind of just nothing. i guess it’s better than it being super intense? idk. got home, watched youtube for a second, ate dinner, laid back down, went on a wikipedia rabbit hole about linguistics (very fun tbh), did my chore of cleaning the bathroom, took my meds maybe 2 hours ago, and i’m waiting on them to kick in.

hopefully tomorrow is okay

[clatterbane]

Thankfully obtained after work today: a cooler for a little temporary non-freezer storage! That's another thing we had, but it must still be sitting in our old house on Plague Island.*

(And yep, I really need to run the Roomba through here. But, I've been staying a tad distracted.)

Plus, some more chill blocks that are now in the freezer. Along with a couple of 1L drink bottles with water in them to help take up the slack as DIY reusable ice packs after he picked up half the commercial ones that I would have. We already had a few reusable ice blocks in there. I wish I had thought of the bottle solution before he even went out, so they could go into the freezer earlier. Ah well!

Currently inside there: that carton of milk I accidentally froze, which I was wanting to set back out to thaw and use anyway. Plus some lettuce I wanted to eat soon instead of throwing away while I was just clearing out the vegetable bin, because it won't hurt it to sit in there.

The milk situation shoud be win-win: it can continue thawing itself out, while also helping chill the cooler down before I add more ice packs to keep it that way! 😎

I decided to throw that insulated shopping bag in there too, because it shouldn't hurt and the little extra insulation might be useful. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Part of my galaxy brain strategic plan here is also that we should be able to grab that bag of refrigerator stuff out, to free up the cooler itself to shovel at least some of the freezer stuff into temporarily when the new fridge is on the way.

We are apparently getting this model instead of the Husqvarna, because it was actually in stock today:

That is also like $400-equivalent less expensive, and looks perfectly fine. Much better than what we've got now even before the fridge compartment broke down, so really not gonna complain.

Unfortunately, we'll most likely not get it until after the weekend. 😭 That store does indeed seem to be part of a smaller more local chain operating under some Elon franchise setup, and they handle their own deliveries/installations. But yeah, the delivery people are apparently pretty booked up through the end of the week and will get back to him tomorrow.

Was hoping for sooner, but we are in SO much better situation in the meantime since the freezer is still chugging along. *fingers crossed*

I am currently trying to get more perishables cleared out of the fridge before they can start stinking things up. Not much is going in the cooler, at this point. Stuff like pickles and vinegary sauces may be fine at room temperature if we use them up soonish, and a lot of other items are already untrustworthy. Mostly salvaging longer-life stuff like cheese and some vegetables.

* Which is indeed still in our legal possession, with a bunch of stuff in it that the moving company just did not get like they were supposed to. 😒 Unless burglars have been in after petty household shit like that, who knows. I am not too happy about Limbo House, but hey. It's complicated. That is indeed one reason why I am still surprised sometimes not to find items that we totally should have, though. I remember packing a lot of them.

[winderlylandchime]

I am so so sorry for the fact that I am sending a second (long) message right after the 201 report BUT i had to share this as well. So after he had a meltdown over 122, he called our mom to tell her and I quote ‘something horrible happened’ and obviously she panicked bc like I said he had a surgery and it was a pretty serious one. And when she asked the usual mom questions aka ‘are you okay? Is your sister okay? Is it your recovery?’ And when he replied with the level of enthusiasm one would have for eating garbage, she went ‘THEN WHAT HAPPENED?!’ And he said to her ‘so theres this guy Brian..’ and then told her the PLOT OF THE SHOW and finale which was his breaking point few hours ago if you remember. And then the exchange between them happened that I sent earlier (we watched 201 literally after their call) Anyway, we finished the ep and i received a long call from my mom where she got upset with me for upsetting my brother earlier (who keep in mind is in recovery so he’s even more annoying than usual and is also full of pain meds since he has to take several) with a tv show and she made me promise to not do it again or to at least stop him from calling her bc she will not pick up anymore bc and i quote ‘i do not have the time for gays on tv to make my life hard, you clearly have that covered right now with what youre doing to your brother’ and then what followed was a random text from my dad that said ‘your mom waited for me to come home and now she wants me to tell you to stop upsetting your brother with gays while he’s high. He better not come crying to me about this because I am going to have a nap’ …PLEASE take a guess what my brother proceeded to do exactly 2 minutes later?

It was genuinely hilarious. It went a little like this: brother calls dad on speaker from the other room, B: ‘Dad?’ D: ‘oh for fucks sake! No! No! Noooo! I was napping! I dont care anymore, go annoy your mother with this’ B: *loooong silence* ‘…she’s not picking up’ which followed with my dad hanging up on him and me getting a text from my dad that just said ‘i hate both of you’

i fear i may have accidentally started the next best thing in the family.

Dear sweet anon, please do not be sorry. These messages are keeping my crops watered and my hair washed. I am kicking up my legs and giggling.

I am sorry that your brother's watching of QAF is causing so much family drama. Do your mom and dad need to watch it too so they can empathize with your brother's pain?

Your mom saying "i do not have the time for gays on tv to make my life hard" should really be tumblr's motto. None of us have the time Mama Anon yet here we all are.

Also your dad hanging up on your brother is comedy gold. Poor boy (fully grown adult man) is having Feelings and does not know what to do. Tell him there are a bunch of anonymous queer people on the internet who feel his pain and are sending him virtual hugs.