#at least from what I've heard

[mostlyvoid-partiallyflowers]

The most recent episode of Interview with a Vampire let's us see Lestat's side of the story and see how it compares to Louis' accounting of their relationship. As a result, it reaffirms just how unreliable of a narrator Louis is, but it also further illuminates elements of his character that the director and writers have been playing with since the beginning of the show.

There's this part in the episode where Lestat turns to Louis and apologizes and it's framed with Lestat turned to Louis on one side and Claudia on his other side. They're the angel and devil on Louis' shoulders, but who is the angel and who is the devil? And as my friend said, Armand and Daniel are placed into that same dynamic with Louis later on. We are being asked to decide who to trust, who's telling the truth, who's the good guy, but the fact of unreliability robs us of that decision.

This whole story is about Louis, he's the protagonist, though not the narrator, and he is constantly being pulled in two directions, no matter when or where he is in his story. He's a mind split in two, divided by nature and circumstance. He's vampire and human, owner and owned, father and child, angel and devil. He's both telling the story and being told the story. His history is a story he tells himself, and as we've seen, sometimes that story is not whole.

Louis is the angel who saved Claudia from the fire but he's also the devil who sentenced her to an life of endless torment, the adult trapped in the body of a child. He's the angel who rescued Lestat from his grief and also the devil who abandoned him, who couldn't love him, could only kill and leave him.

He's pulled in two directions, internally and externally at all times and so it's no wonder that he feels the need to confess, first to the priest, then Daniel, and then Daniel again.

He's desperate to be heard, a Black man with power in Jim Crow America who's controlled by his position as someone with a seat at the table but one who will never be considered equal. He doesn't belong to the Black community or the white community, he can't. He acts as a go-between, a bridge, one who is pushed and pulled until he can't take it anymore. He's a fledgling child to an undead father, he's a young queer man discovering his sexual identity with an infinitely experienced partner. He's confessing because he wants to be absolved, that human part of him that was raised Catholic, that child who believed, he wants to be saved. He wants to be seen.

Louis wants to attain a forever life that is morally pure, but he can't. He's been soiled by sin, by "the devil," as he calls Lestat, and he can never be clean again. Deep down, I think he knows this, but he can't stop trying to repent. He tries to self-flagellate by staying with Lestat and then tries to repent by killing him, but can't actually follow through. He follows Claudia to Europe to try and assuage his guilt. He sets himself on fire, attempts to burn himself at the stake, to purify his body, rid himself of the dark gift.

Louis is a man endlessly trying to account for the pain he has caused and he ultimately fails, over and over again, because he can't get rid of what he is. A monster. He's an endlessly hungry monster. He's hungry for love, for respect, for power, for forgiveness, for death. He's a hole that can never be filled. He can never truly acquire any of those things because he will always be punishing himself for wanting and needing them in the first place. He will never truly believe he deserves them and as a result, can't accept them if they are ever offered. He can never be absolved for he has damned himself by accepting the dark gift and thus has tainted himself past the point of saving.

[halo-eater]

god, remember when the queen died.... i got to break the news to my family....... everyone was celebrating.... it was so fun.......

[probablyaseamonster]

You know, as a child NLOG, one of the biggest things I learned that helped me shake off the internalized misogyny was realizing that "not saying what you mean", "being nice to someone and then turning right around and calling them a bad word" and other kinds of verbal abuse isn't a girl thing, it's a neurotypical thing. Once I found out that not all girls would treat me that way, and that it wasn't inherently feminine, I felt much more comfortable in my own skin.

Puberty changed that, of course, but at least I don't hate girls anymore!

[masonjarart]

Red teams chaos aside I do think its very funny that by the second day ppl are begging others to join general bc they're lonely "friendship doesn't matter on this island" my ass they're gonna make a little Elysium so they all have a place to hang out people are already planning to meet and do tasks together like yeah they'll probably still be killing and messing with each other but they're all friends at the end of the day

[pseudophan]

nora how likely is it that they’ll drop new dates/locations later because i’m in india 😭😭😭 ik that they did a single II show in India

okay so when it comes to places they haven't announced i wouldn't get my hopes up but i also wouldn't rule it out entirely? the big issue with ii was they announced a bunch of dates and then had endless trouble with venues and customs and had to reschedule and cancel and their communication was awful and it was just all around a really shit time. i think this time they're being cautious and only planning on going to places they know they won't have issues with, but i don't necessarily think that means there definitely won't be anything more in the future. they've done that before, announcing new countries later on, so you never know? but again i also don't want anyone to get their hopes up in case that doesn't happen. we'll have to wait and hear what dnp have to say on the matter i suppose

[jack-crow-lantern]

Spike bracelet (idk what this would be called) made out of old jeans and studs taken out of old boots.

[linktoo]

I just watched a whole Hyundai commercial for more spider-verse animation but I'm so obsessed with the fact that they got Gwen and Miles' voice actors to stiffly promote an electric car

[son1c]

the most harrowing international shipping experience is definitely australia to the united states. where's my package? dumped in the ocean? kicked to shit by the customs officials? you'd be better off flying to australia yourself and picking it up in person. tbh

[uncanny-tranny]

I often see this impulse from other trans men* that involves hypervigilance of being one of the "good men" who set ourselves apart from the men who hurt others, and I wonder if this ultra-policing actually prevents us from being "bad"

I wonder if agonizing about doing everything "right" is only contributing to poor mental health of trans men* because you are seeing a distorted, monstrous version of yourself, somebody with whom you have to kill off. It forces you into this space of having to be perfect, to beat yourself up over any perceived infraction.

And I just don't think it's an effective measure to ensure we are "one of the good ones." Constantly treating yourself as the beast, treating yourself like a leper who has no place in the civilized world? How does that ensure that you both treat others well but also ensure that you aren't fucking miserable every single moment you're not alone?

[nervocat]

What is little bro doing here this was my first 10 summon on the standard banner 💀💀

[queenlucythevaliant]

The best thing about the annual observance of Christmas is that reminds me of the simple fact that I love God. 

Over the course of a year, it’s easy to get stuck on this or that issue of theology, this or that unanswered prayer. If you’re anything like me, you pursue that issue in prayer, in Bible study, in reading, in conversation, trying to make sense of it, to make the wrinkles lay flat against your soul. You stalk the questions down and in a way, that struggle becomes a focal point of your faith. 

You might even think, when you’re feeling particularly unsettled, “At least I’m taking my faith seriously by struggling with the hard questions. It would be much worse to be complacent.” 

And then, every year, Advent comes, and there are Christmas carols and readings from the Prophets. There are angels and lights and stars. Jonathan Toomy finishes carving the widow’s nativity set, Linus recites from Luke, a choir performs the Hallelujah chorus, and the beauty of it pierces through the questions and the struggle. Every year, the overpowering glory of the Incarnation and all that follows is brought to the forefront of my mind and it enraptures me. Fall on your knees, O hear the angel voices. I bring you good news of great joy. 

Every year, Christmas reminds me that I’m not only a Christian in order to struggle with hard questions. I’m not even a Christian because I am convinced that the Bible is true. Even the demons believe in God -- I am a Christian because I love Him. His beauty can move me to tears. 

Every year at Christmas, God woos me all over again. 

[vaguely-concerned]

I am so mad about how desperately into pan I am. he was specifically made to fuck me up. they dangled him in front of me like 'hey would you like to see a sad clown trickster with emotional intimacy issues and a heart of, if not gold, then some mysterious alloy with qualities not at all unlike those of gold at the end of the day?' and I went 'boy would I!' and now I'm lost. I'm on my knees he's like if reyes vidal was actually redeemable instead of just a 'release my man he did do all of that but I don't care' situation

[pokestine]

I can't tell if the cops in Agito are deliberately wildly incompetent or if this is what Inoue thinks a competent police force looks like

Actually this is a common problem I have with Inoue's work, I can't tell if my reaction is the intended outcome here

[perhaps-mr-collins-has-a-cousin]

Hello praying people, I'm not doing well and would really appreciate your prayers right now <3

[a-s-levynn]

"Even if the sky cracks in mourning / And the heavens just won't open up for me" A Series of Small Offerings - II/12 - day20

[kumakuma-circus]

you ever think about how if it was a straight relationship then yukichie would definitely be canon or at least heavily implied given shadow yukiko calling chie her prince cuz i realized that earlier-