#at least a big one i know it's the end if something happens‚ or my dumb luck'll somehow rescue my hapless self again
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Entry 11: The One About the Heart of the Ocean
My father is a big history buff. He fancies himself a bit of an expert about the U.S. Civil War, U.S. Presidents, and World War II. In fact, he’s gifted me with the Useless Knowledge of which four U.S. Presidents were assassinated while in office (Lincoln, Garfield, McKinley, and Kennedy – you’re welcome for that little addition to your own Library of Useless Knowledge).
But, more importantly, my dad has instilled in me the importance of a timeline. The idea that, if you’re collecting information, it’s vital to keep it in chronological order, that way you can look at it, (try to) understand it, and theorize about what happened before and after an event. If the facts are out of order, the conclusion you reach may be in error.
My father and I also like to solve True Crime together. When he visits, we spend hours on the porch studying some random, usually cold, true crime event. We timeline the shit out of it, connect the puzzle pieces together, and exclaim in the end, “We’ve solved it!” I suppose that is part of what keeps me interested in Lukola – not that there is anything criminal in Lukola, except perhaps the “Single White Female” that pops up behind Nicola from time to time – I just enjoy the game of trying to put the pieces together.
Lukola has become a rather intriguing puzzle, don’t you think? It’s definitely one to which I do not have all the pieces. I do, however, enjoy collecting the information and chronologizing it, and now I find it enjoyable to scribble my thoughts out on Tumblr.
So, how did I get here?
Well, it started with boredom and ended with a timeline.
My first entry to the timeline?
July 20, 2024.
What happened on that date?
Well, nothing spectacular really, except JVN posted –
HOLD UP!
HOLD THE FUCK UP!!
OH SHIT!!
YES!
YES, you guessed it! After blowing JVN off for at least three, maybe four, posts in a row, I’m finally getting around to dedicating an entire entry to Their Royal Highness.
JVN is such a fascinating creature. I mean, you get beautiful, witty, and intelligent wrapped into one human being. Oh, and they are kind of a catty bitch, too, and who doesn’t love one of those? That’s why they're the Heart of the Ocean on the USS Lukola; they just give off this very rare blue diamond vibe. Well, that, and because something they did marks the focal point – the heart – from which the rest of my timeline branches.
*I will cut in here to note that I am referring to JVN as they/their in this entry as their Instagram bio indicates they accept “they/he/she.”
Okay, back to July 20.
On that date, JVN posted to TikTok their version of the Charli xcx “Apple” dance. You know that annoying TikTok trend that took over our summer? Yeah, that’s the one – the same one Antonia tried doing – she just couldn’t pull off the JVN version of it. Dear girl couldn’t come close to matching JVN’s “enthusiasm,” and JVN’s version was only made more enjoyable in that they were seemingly mocking Antonia!
But, all’s fair in love and war, right?
JVN’s bestie, Nicola, had already spent the entire summer subtlety combating Antonia over social media. The vibe in the fandom was that Antonia was always trying to one-up Nicola, with Nicola always coming out the victor. I’m sorry, Antonia, you just can’t beat some perfectly timed BTS drops.
So, why did JVN’s TikTok post intrigue me? It wasn’t because it was that amusing. It was because they’d done something I hadn’t noticed before – they’d taunted Antonia on a public forum.
Curious, that.
Now, I’m not saying it was the first time JVN mocked Antonia, but July 20 was the first time I noticed it. That date is the heart of my timeline, but it does not have to be the heart of yours. We can all start at different times but still reach the same conclusions, so long as we keep the information in order.
You would think one wouldn’t mess with the “girl friend” of your best friend’s “best friend,” at least not publicly. But, here was JVN shamelessly mocking Antonia on TikTok. And, just so we’re clear, the public opinion of what JVN was doing with this TikTok is available to view in the comments of their TikTok post. It wasn’t just me that came to this conclusion – and JVN has left these comments up for four months at this point.
JVN’s “Apple” dance was only made more interesting the following day – July 21 – when they included it in their Sunday Dump post on Instagram.
And, Nicola liked it.
Hmm, things were becoming curiouser and curiouser.
Let’s not even pretend that Nicola isn’t street savvy and didn’t understand the context of that video. And, let’s definitely not underestimate the length of her claws.
To be honest, I hadn’t paid too much attention to Lukola since mid-June. It was an “it is what it is” thing for me. Even though I believed the relationship between Luke and Nicola was complicated (see my first blog for that story), Luke had also apparently disappeared into the summertime sun with his friend group, which included Antonia.
Something about JVN openly making fun of Antonia, and Nicola, at the very least acknowledging it with an Instagram like, made me realize something in Luke’s situation must be shifting.
What have I said about little changes? That deviations in modus operandi are what make people start giving the side-eye to a situation.
And, side-eye I did!
I started paying attention to JVN and, on July 25, they posted a series of photos on TikTok and Instagram showcasing “What I would wear if you invited me to your…” We will fast-forward through all the slides until we get to the last one, which read, “…just got dumped and going to take 8 shots dinner at Lupe’s in SoHo.” Was it possible that JVN was hinting at a dumpster fire at the Soho Farmhouse?
If you don’t know what the Soho Farmhouse is, it’s the place where Luke and his friend group, including Antonia, frequented, probably on Luke’s dime (*insert wicked laugh – oh, and a disclaimer that this is all speculation).
Funny that Nicola liked this post on Instagram, too, and it wasn’t even buried in a Sunday Dump.
At this point, JVN had really sparked my damn interest. Like, dear one, what are you hinting at?
On July 29, Deux Moi creeped out from under its rock and reminded the fandom to hate Luke by rehashing Papsmear. Thank you, we needed that. I mean, half of us almost forgot how much we hated him! That’s me being a sarcastic tart, by the way. If we were to fast-forward to today, I’d argue that Luke was the most darling thing to come out of Bridgerton.
Any ways, again, thank you, Deux Moi, for those suspiciously timed Papsmear pictures because they aligned perfectly with the pap pictures People dropped the following day – July 30.
Yep, I am talking about those strangely awkward pap pictures of Luke hanging out in the murky waters of Sorrento with Antonia. Oh, and let’s not forget the video footage of that encounter, which I am sure still upsets and confuses people to this day. In fact, I know it does because, as I was researching this, I had a couple of people get annoyed after I asked them to view it. Funny thing is, that shit never bothered me (I didn’t say that it didn’t later confuse me!). The first time I saw them, I was like, “Luke is not into that girl at all,” and my next thought was, “I wonder how old these pictures are because I would have sworn JVN was hinting at something.”
Now, this story wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t address the rumor portion of it.
First rumor? That Antonia set up the entire Italy pap photo-op because she seemingly knew where to find the cameraman. So, let’s discuss that video everyone seems to hate to acknowledge exists. In the video, you can see Antonia maybe looking in the direction of the cameraman. She then leans into Luke, either to whisper something to him or to reach for something behind him. In my opinion – and this is strictly my opinion – it looks like she’s pretending to reach for something over his shoulder. Still shots of this interaction are the photos People published, presumably because Luke and Antonia looked like they were cheek to cheek.
Okay, notice I said, “first rumor,” because, yeah, there’s a second rumor, too! But, it fits snuggly into that first rumor. Almost immediately – because that’s how fast the Lukola Sleuths get to work around here – rumors began to circulate that Antonia was following on Instagram the photographer that took the Italy pap pictures. In fact, several people I’ve spoken to swear that they witnessed during a TikTok Live a host prove that Antonia was following this photographer. That’s a bit suspicious, isn’t it? Yeah, it fucking is.
Let’s keep moving.
That same day, we had that video drop of Luke watching fireworks, at night, with sunglasses. Speaking of sunglasses, I guess Luke found those motherfuckers because he sure as shit didn’t have them while floating around in that dirty ass water. Any ways, at the end of the video, Rory appears behind Luke, looking in the direction of the camera and smiling like a condescending, sneaky little shit. Now, who was the cameraman? Well, a possible suspect would be Antonia since she was not seen in the video. Go figure.
Alright, so that day finally ended and on July 31, JVN posted to TikTok a cutesy video of themself at the market titled, “When you catch someone trying to sneak a pic but you were born for these moments.” They prance around the market and randomly look at the cameraman (Mark) with a smile and a pose. The caption reads, “I welcome sneaky pics but I can’t guarantee I won’t sneak some back or put on a show for you.”
WAIT A MINUTE!
Did JVN just inexplicably confirm Luke was getting papped by his own friends?
Yeah, I kind of think JVN did.
And, Nicola liked this one as well when JVN posted it to Instagram on August 8.
Didn’t I tell you JVN was a fascinating creature? And, to be honest, JVN only gets better as this Lukola ship continues on its voyage.
Oh, strangely enough, a few days after the Italy pap crap, Luke returned to London alone. The friend group became unsettlingly silent, and Nicola started to get really, really loud – Chaos Week was incoming! And, so were some more JVN crumbs (and nicely timed clap backs).
322 notes
·
View notes
Note
jesus. yeah thank god for preaching the truth about arcane season two. i mean it had its moments - really, REALLY good moments, and by hell it looked AMAZING - but holy FUCK. what a terrible time to be a fan of ekko. or mel. or jinx. or vi. or viktor. or ambessa. or sevika. and probably more i'm missing (ISHA!!!).
i completely agree with everything about the zaun vs. piltover situation ... just not happening this season? first with shimmer - listen i am not the biggest fan of the chembarons lol they look nice but their characters are. Fine. but if you're going to hype them up in the second episode make them WORTH something, right? and then if you're going to hype up the new jinxers, make THAT worth something too!! would it have been so hard to have a bunch of zaunites fly into piltover following jinx? i mean, that's what everyone THOUGHT that scene would be? you had sevika LEAVE the council meeting. why don't you have jinx convincing her to help. and ekko's with jinx. why wasn't he reunited with the firelights? you're telling the fucking firelights would leave zaun? no but it's just them i guess. and sevika and other zaunites enter the fray at essentially the same time so you would have to change nothing but whaaaatever who gives a fuck.
SPEAKING. OF. EKKO. WHAT THE HELL? his FINAL scene in this show is him mourning jinx and being completely alone. we can have that scene, OBVIOUSLY (given that jinx dies - or fake-dies - which i have my own problems with) but... can bro get a seat on the council? please? can we have like a scene with him and sevika walking in and he nods at sevika or something. i know people were complaining about it being mostly pilties and just sevika at the council meeting but i LOVE that. genuinely. shows us that progress is going to be slow (wow crazy. arcane having realistic class issues in their show about class issues), but can it not be just sevika? and can ekko get some fucking credit for SAVING PILTOVER? sure sure sure it was jayce and viktor but WHO THREW. THE GODDAMN ZDRIVE. AT VIKTOR'S HEAD? EKKO. jesus sorry i'm just crazy upset about that.
i wish they also didn't just have the council in piltover? if we're being given an independent zaun (ARE WE BEING GIVEN AN INDEPENDENT ZAUN??????????????) can we maybe have meetings in zaun too? one of those cute little transitions behind sevika's head where they're meeting in piltover's council room and then we go to the meeting room in zaun? like fucking what? or maybe zaun isn't fucking independent what were we watching this show for. if you're going to keep zaun as part of piltover and leave that part open can you maybe elaborate more than sevika like... sitting down. im a bitch for subtext but at some point it's not subtext it's being lazy??
and meljay. not sure what else to say here tbh like i don't even love them and i thought they were handled so poorly. at least they had chemistry in season one? the fuck was their reunion in act 3? negative chemistry. jayce is imagining viktor. why does he have more chemistry with viktor. big jayvik fan btw im a big fucking jayvik fan but can it NOT come at the expense of an established ship? porque no los dos? like hello? does meljayvik mean nothing to the writers? if you're going to have shippers putting the JayVik Agenda (which admittedly i think is very real of them) into the show can you COMPROMISE ABOUT IT. like considering mel's lonely ass ending and ekko's lonely ass ending there might be a goddamn pattern here.
wow. speaking of lonely ass endings. JINX. MY GIRL???????? breaking down her "death": we have jinx, safe, on a ledge. and we have vi and warwick about to fucking die. vi is faced with two options: try and save warwick (bring back vander) or go to jinx. vi isn't AWARE that trying to save warwick is going to come at the expense at jinx, but WE do, and the WRITERS do. the option of saving warwick or going to jinx is the SAME FUCKING OPTION as the jinx vs. powder question at the end of season one. does vi try and bring back a dead man (one who is GONE, who represents jinx and vi's past coming back to haunt them) or does vi try and accept her trauma and forge a new future with jinx?
...she chooses vander. like ok. yes. that makes sense given the amount of time vi has had to process that vander is alive. and a wolf. and then dead. and then back. and still a wolf. and then fighting them. and then not fighting them. im not expecting her in that situation to take jinx's hand and move on. but if that's the case can the arcane writers then.. give her time to process? because this isn't GOOD. this isn't good for vi. this isn't good for jinx. also do you know what also isn't good for vi OH MY GOD CAITLIN. CAITLIN ISN'T WHY DID THEY HAVE SEX AFTER JINX WAS LIKE "SORRY SIS GOING TO KILL MYSELF" LIKE HELLO VI YOU HAVE OTHER PRIORITIES THIS IS JUST LIKE WHEN YOU LEFT EKKO ON THE BRIDGE WHAT. HELLO. WHAT. WHAT. WHAT.
"im the dirt under your nails" no vi caitlin is the blood under yours.
sorry ok this isn't all my problems with arcane season two but i just realized i've been ranting in your inbox for what's probably over 100 words so maybe i should stop now. sorry bro i may or may not make my own post now mb
NO PROB it's big feelings and opinions time here on eerna dot tumblr~ It's just a terrible time to be a fan of the show methinks. I don't think a single character emerged on the other side of this season by having been done right.
I hated the way the Zaunites refusing to help Piltover was treated like some kind of a dramatic "Well, I guess THEY aren't joining US" scene. Usually we get to see both sides so you don't feel like either side is the main character, but that was such a horrible "You, the viewer, are a Piltie now, and the way Zaunites act will from now on be used as plot twists only" POV. Sevika showed up that way, Jinx and Ekko showed up that way - not as main characters, but as supports to Vi and Cait and Mel and Jayce, the Good Pilties.
"im the dirt under your nails" no vi caitlin is the blood under yours. is such a badass quote, bro!!! I have nothing to add, you've said it all, thanks for sharing~
66 notes
·
View notes
Text
You've always been my favorite
Yandere!Jonathan Levy x f!reader
Cw/triggers: Stalking, possessive behavior, darkfic, Jonathan masturbates to porn, twisted thoughts, some dub-con/non-con thoughts on Jonathan's side, yandere themes.
A/n: I'm sorry for potentially traumatizing you.
Summary: Jonathan is your new professor. But he had his eyes on you for a long time.
After your professor has quit, a new one, Jonathan Levy was quick in replacement.
You knew Jonathan Levy. He was the one jumping in if some of your other professors were sick. Though you didn't think much of him, he on the other hand quickly began to like you a little too much, even for his own good. He became a bit attached to you to say the least.
Jonathan was the professor teaching most things, so he was the one you did see mostly during class.
"I hope you all are prepared for out big exam coming up in one hour." Jonathan said shortly after entering the room, not bothering to look if anyone is missing, placing his bag down beside his desk.
After he sat comfortable in his seat, adjusting his glasses, Jonathan looked around the class.
Two people were missing, but one of them called in sick, the other one still missing were you.
Just as Jonathan thought about the possibilities of what could be, the door opened and you stumbled in with a thermos in hand.
"You're late..." he said with a hint of annoyance in his tone.
"Sorry," you replied bluntly, "I've overslept a bit."
After you were back in your seat, Jonathan cleared his throat and leaned forward with his elbows on the desk.
"Alright everybody, get comfy, get your books out if you haven't already and get prepared. I'll give you one hour."
Jonathan watched the class, his eyes however were fixed on you as he nonchalantly opened his book then started reading himself.
Throughout the hour, Jonathan threw occasional glances towards you, he liked seeing you concentrate, but even more when you pay attention to him.
When the time finally came to hand out his exams, he made sure you were the last one to receive it only so he could say good luck while being close to you without making himself look suspicious, especially not towards you.
Jonathan wondered how you were doing but had no doubt in your knowledge. He knew you could do well, and if not, he was there to help you.
After the exam was done and everyone handed them back to Jonathan, he overheard you and a friend talking about staying late for study in the library after class, his ears perked up and he had to stop himself from smiling.
When the class ended, Jonathan packed his things. He knew the library would ultimately close in 3 hours, and you would likely stay until the end. So he made his way into his office, open his laptop and just browse around. He even stalked your social media accounts.
Jonathan took his time to start correcting some of the exams, until he finally got everything together to make a leave but not before passing the library just as you and that one friend walked out.
Lucky for him, you two parted ways. Jonathan usually isn't one for stalking, but you were an exception for him. Though he already had an excuse made up in his mind if you did actually catch him.
While you walked, you were completely oblivious on Jonathan walking behind you at a good distance. He kept his head low and his hands in his pockets. Sure he knew where you lived but he wanted to make sure you'd arrive there safely. It would be a shame if something would happen to you.
By the time you arrived home, Jonathan thought about how he could rig your exam, just so he could see you more whether it would be some actual private tutoring or maybe after class, preferably alone. Oh how he would love that.
But he was a fair man, and wouldn't normally want to... abuse his job for... personal needs. But Jonathan was ready for a few exceptions.
Jonathan was ready to leave and call it a day, but not before looking back at your house, examining it from afar.
He didn't know much about break ins, but he could watch some tutorials online on how to do it professional. With a quick go to the darknet, he would surely find something...
As Jonathan arrived back home, he decided to correct those exams first so the boring part would be out of the way. He wasn't tired, if anything, he felt kind of energized.
Jonathan reviewed your exam at last, only so he could write down where you need most help and where you'd be okay. After the correcting was done, Jonathan went to his computer, firstly visiting his go-to porn site after a long and mostly boring day. But you weren't part of the boring part, you were always the highlight.
After browsing though cheap scripted and bad acting ones, he finally found a good looking one for a quick stress relief.
Unzipping his pants, he pulled his semi-hard cock out, working himself up with slow strokes while watching the video.
As the pleasure built up, he couldn't help but let his mind wander off to you, how you're always pay attention to him, not questioning his authority as your professor while also being his good student.
He stroked faster, spreading the leaking precum around the tip and shaft while tightening his fist. Jonathan knew he could just easily bend you over his desk and have his way with you however he pleased.
His thoughts even went as far as bending you over his knees and spanking you then fucking you stupid on his desk as punishment.
Regardless of what his mind came up with, it always ended up fucking you. Imagining things such as having you suck him off while he's in the middle of class, or eating you out while you're reading a goddamn book.
Closing his eyes and leaning back, listening to the moans of that girl in the video, imagining how this would be you moaning when he's having you. And he will have you one day.
As badly as Jonathan wanted to hold his impending orgasm back, thinking about all the nasty things he wanted to do to you he couldn't resist chasing his peak.
"Fuck, how good it would feel to have you wrapped around me," he squeezed his cock again "whether you like it or not."
Jonathan's breathing hitched before becoming heavier.
"Mmm, but I'm certain you would love getting fucked by me, even if you wouldn't admit it, baby."
With one last stroke he came hard, spilling his cum on the ground. He threw his head back against the chair, his cock softening in the grip of his fist.
After he was done, he shut down his computer, grabbed a wet rag and cleaned his cum off the ground before he went to bed.
The next day, his day passed quickly, mainly because most of his attention was drawn to you. You looked so happy with the results of your exam. You deserved it, being the good student that you are and the cherry on top, even unknown to you, being his favorite.
Jonathan had approached you, asking if you could stay for a couple minutes after class for a quick discussion about the results of your recent exam.
After everyone was out of the room, Jonathan leaned against the desk and crossed his arms while you were still sitting at your place.
"So," he started, uncrossing his arms to walk over to you, leaning down with his hands on the edges of your desk. "You did good mostly. But in order to pass this good, you have to be good in any of these, not just one. They all count."
You nodded. "I understand."
"And I'm not doing this to torture you, I hope you know that. I just want what's best for you." Jonathan said in a lower and slightly huskier tone, looking into your eyes with a serious expression.
He pushed himself off of your table, moving back to lean against his with his arms crossed again. "What I'm trying to say here is that I'm willing to help you."
"I know. But I hate asking people to throw their time away because of me. I will study more from now on, I promise." you replied.
Jonathan smiled. "That's good to hear." he knew you would try giving your best, but what kind of professor would he be if he wouldn't offer his help to his student?
"Well, you can go now, I'd hate to take your precious freetime away."
You gave a gentle smile, grabbing your bag and stood up. "Thanks Mr. Levy, have a good day." you said before making your leave.
After you've left, Jonathan let out a breath he didn't even realize he was holding.
Back at his home, Jonathan had atleast half his mind being busy on you. He couldn't help it, why was he even acting like that? He didn't know either, but does he want to stop? Absolutely not.
Jonathan was even at the point where he didn't care about good senses anymore, that's how far he'd go for you.
What he did next was wait for nighttime to come, then he went out going to your house. Breaking into your home was relatively easy, but he still hoped you would be in deep slumber already.
It didn't take him long to find your bedroom, he sneaked into your room like a cat, already loving how he could just sneak in without you noticing anything.
He had to stop himself from wanting to search through some of your belongings, feeling way more bold now that he was in your house.
Of course his eyes were trained on you, he didn't want you to wake up and alert the whole neighborhood with your screaming.
Jonathan crouched down at your bedside, simply admiring your peaceful, unaware and beautiful sleeping face.
He reached out, pulling your covers off just a tiny bit, revealing more of you. Leaning in, he closed his eyes, enjoying the smell of everything you had on you. His fingertips glid carefully along the curve of your neck.
Jonathan felt so at peace with finally being so close to you, albeit if you're sleeping.
"It won't take long until you're mine, sweetheart."
-----------------------------
Tags:
@nekoyin @steven-grants-world @iolaussharpe-24 @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction
@krakenkitty @mooksmouse @klillaah @faretheeoscar @alexxavicry
Wanna get tagged?
#jonathan levy#scenes from a marriage#oscar isaac#oscar isaac characters#jonathan levy imagine#jonathan levy x reader#jonathan levy x fem!reader#yandere jonathan levy
44 notes
·
View notes
Text
ahhh so. warning. will be talking about arcane s2 spoilers below the cut. i have. so! many. thoughts.
i've seen a few takes that s2 felt very rushed to some people, and like. yeah? i can get that. but also. not really.
there was A Lot of ground to cover so it moved very quickly but the pacing actually made a lot of sense to me. i think that this show has never attempted to tell each characters story in the fullest. like, to me, that's what makes the world building so good. you are only witnessing part of the story. there is only so much of each character that we, the viewers are allowed to see.
yes there was a lot introduced in the final act, yes some of it made zero sense. but, to me at least, it makes it so much more realistic and immersive.
the final act is war time. shit happens fast. decisions are made and acted upon almost immediately. there isn't time to mourn and there isn't time to grieve. if you stop, you will die so you must keep marching forward.
we don't get to see what signed is up to, we don't get to understand the complexities between mel and her mother, we don't get time to break down how the arcane is changing we just have to know that something is happening and it will affect us so we must do something to react.
moving on, i really wanna talk about jayce and viktor first because. their final discussion, had me ill. i'm honestly really glad that they are never officially established in the show, because it makes their bond that much stronger to me.
the first season, we see how their studies connected them and propelled them forward. in jayces case, it pushes him into politics. in viktors, deeper into the arcane. they had to set everything else aside *cough cough their morals and personal relationships(sky & each other)* in order to achieve what they wanted to achieve.
in the second season, we see how that was their demise. for viktor, the creators did an amazing job showing us this with the scene between him and sky.
'i'll miss our talks'
'no you won't'
like holy shit? in those two lines, we see how viktor has fundamentally changed. his goals, his objectives, they got lost somewhere. in the first season, we do see how much viktor enjoys discussing his ideals and thoughts, its what drives him to go and find jayce in the first place.
and as for jayce, he's icarus. he flew too close to the sun and he, in a lot of ways, is the beginning of the end. while ekko and heimerdinger were building their way out of the alt time line, he was witnessing the destruction his invention brought about.
and don't even get me started on them calling each other their partner during their entire last talk. like wtf im ILL.
okay! onto jinx! (and isha and vi) i have. heard a lot of complaints about how one- her death was for shock value and two- that isha's death was glossed over and i whole-heartily disagree.
i think first off, jinx isn't dead. there a lot of people out there who can put the details together more precisely than i care to tbh, but my biggest reason is the airship we see at the end. these creators LOVE their foreshadowing and i mean LOVE (think viktor showing off the invention and shooting that gun to how that gun is later used). i think it's literally the first episode that powder says she wants to ride in one and ur telling me the last episode we get a shot of one flying away? yeah no. my girl is alive and breaking the cycle.
speaking of breaking the cycle, vi would never be able to move on with her life if jinx is still around. she would never be able to grow, to be willing to work on her relationship with cait, would never be able to escape the guilt, etc etc. that's like, a big point that i think a lot of people are missing.
for vi, jinx is everything. and she should be. she is the only family she has left. and had she not walked away from her, there is NO TELLING what would've happened to the two of them.
jinx's 'death' was for the both of them. they can move on now, they are free to allow the shit show that was their childhood be in the past. like hello?????? did y'all not listen to the conversation that she had with ekko in the alt time line? you need to let go of some things to be able to move onto the next and it sucks and it hurts and its shitty but the world will keep spinning.
and the only way that jinx was able to come to this conclusion is because she lost isha. had isha still been around, she would have had to stick around zaun and piltover. but also. i need y'all to realize that jinx is used to losing people, she is used to grief, it is a close friend to her.
and i think, thematically too, vi not moving to the other ledge is SO IMPORTANT. she CAN'T let vander go. that was her father, that man raised her, she couldn't let him go. are y'all connecting the dots? like! hello! do you see?
vi has never been one to let someone she loves go lightly. the entire first season she is grappling with this idea that her sister changed, that she moved on and allowed herself to let her past (kinda) go. it doesn't make sense to her. she allows caitlyn back so easily because it terrifies her to lose someone in her life.
that is who she is in her core.
and that is why jinx makes the decision for her. it's her way of saying, 'i see you, i understand you and i will make the hard call for you because i love you'
so yeah, like i said. a lot of thoughts. im so excited to see wtf is going on in noxus in the future show and am so intrigued by whatever the fuck is going on with mel.
also. maybe it's just me. but i love an open ending. i think being able to talk about the what if's and the maybe is so much fun. not everything has to be wrapped up with a bow on top. again, we, the viewers, only get a small insight into the world the characters live in. this show could go on for ages if we followed them all the way through their lives. this was never meant to be that type of show. go watch friends or smthn if you want a formulaic story that will clean every lose end up for you.
we follow these characters through a formative moment in their life, what happens next is up to them. (and psst. that's what fan fiction is for)
#arcane s2 spoilers#if you read all of this i applaud you it was so much more than i meant it to be but i just couldn't stop writing#i have so many more lil thoughts too like the focus on jinx's hands/nails#the all pink in the alt time line had me sick to my stomach#and the way they were bloody and torn up when she was in the cell#and also her final convo with silco#silco i love you i miss you#omg i didn't even touch on the fucking sex scene#or ekko damn#or the god damn dance between ekko and jinx#maybe ill make a pt 2 to this later when i had the emotional energy to rewatch it#i need to go hydrate now tho bc i cried so fucking much#like i had to pause it multiple times because i couldn't see past the fucking tears#god i love this show#arcane act 3#arcane#jinx#vi arcane#jinx arcane#jayvik#jayce talis#viktor arcane
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
I've been outlining the entire events of the fall of the south to elaborate more on what happened in my world state, because I'll be damned if I let EA ruin this series for me. Honestly, it just makes me mad cause the ideas they had for the fall of the south could've been so interesting and heartbreaking.
This is gonna be a long one so I'm going to put it under, in case your interested in my rant.
Tbh its such utter bullshit when the writers said (paraphrasing) "don't ask for a cameo from your favorite characters because that means bad things will happen to them" then precedes in game to nuke the entire south. You're telling me that absolutely nothing bad happened to any companions or beloved NPCs during the double blight because we didn't see it. If your going to kill off the characters, at least give us something. What are their last stands? What are their last words? What are they defending? Did they have doubts or fears in their final moments? How does that affect their actions?
How does Amaranthine fall? What does the warden commander and awakening crew do when it does, if they're there. This I'm assuming would be happening pretty early on because it seems that from the inquisitor's letters the blight hits first in the east and south in Ferelden. I think it would've been heartbreaking but great to set the tone early on in the game, if you play as a the warden commander one last time, in a last stand for Amaranthine. Having to rally the remaining Awakening crew, knowing full well you are asking them to go to their deaths. Choosing only one of them, to lead the refugees to safety. The longer you stay alive, the more refugees escape the city, the more resources you have at the end of the game for the final fight.
How does Denerim fall? What does Anora and/or Alistair do to help the city prepare? How does the battle turn in the darkspawn's favor? Do the people in the alienage get access to the help or defensives that other areas of the city do (probably not, but who knows)? What is their breaking point of making their court flee to Redcliffe? Does Alistair put up a fight, wanting desperately to fight for Denerim as long as he can? Does that stubbornness lead to resources lost? Would Anora leave sooner realizing Denerim would be a lost cause, saving resources for later?
How does the inquisitor get the Avaar and Chasind to work with the inquisition to the point they are providing food for Skyhold when the resources start dwindling? Do they have to do rituals or rites to prove themselves in the eyes of these communities?
Will the person on the throne of Orzammar affect how fast the remaining Thaigs fall to the darkspawn? If Bhelen is on the throne, we know he has a lot of sympathy for the casteless. Is he able to make enough headway with his reforms in dwarven culture to get the casteless fighting alongside the warrior class, buying the thaigs time? Is Harrowmount be too stuck to tradition, that he doesn't see the necessity of recruiting from other castes?
How do Briala/Celene/Gaspard fair against the Venatori in Val Royeuax? When the city falls to the Venatori rebels, where do they go? How do they rally the remainder of their troops? Which noble houses turn against them? How does the leader of Orlais justify their hesitance to ally with Ferelden given the current state of affairs?
How does Divine Victoria play into this? Does she work to foster cooperation between Orlais and Ferelden? Does she take the chaos as a chance to increase the chantry's control? How do their methods differ? Does Leliana fall back on poisons and blackmail? How does Vivienne's knowledge of the game help her pull in some of the nobles sympathetic to the Venatori? Has Cassandra increased the strength of the templars in the past tenish years?
How does Redcliffe fall and the remaining forces end up in Skyhold? Skyhold, sure is a big fortress, but to house all of the remainder of Ferelden? No, there's no way. Are there tent cities along the pass on the way to skyhold? Is there chaos trying to push the refugees back when skyhold is at peak capacity? How does the inquisitor defend their supply lines? How will they defend those desperate outside their gate? Does disbanding the inquisition mean the inquisitor had a harder time protecting all these people?
What the hell is happening with red lyrium Meredith in kirkwall? Did we just forget that she's back? Is she a main reason the city falls? Not to mention, how do Hawke's companions play into this except for Sebastian and Aveline (as we've already heard about them)?
One that's been driving me crazy: WHO IS IN SKYHOLD? Who from the inquisitor's inner circle comes back? Who doesn't? If they don't come back, why?
Where is the south's last stand? You've been building up all this narrative tension of the forces of Orlais, Ferelden, and Orzammar being beat to shit and fragmented. Do they all realize that they need to come together at the last minute or do they remain fragmented to the end?
Honestly, this is just the tip of the iceberg of my questions. I haven't read all the codex (because tbh I just got so detached from the game's superficial lore) so maybe some of these get answered. I get that there would be a lot of moving parts to including this in gameplay, but codex entries? Really? I'm just writing vignettes of these small moments in the south. It's been a lot of fun tbh going through world of thedas books for information that I can pull from. If I can do it, why can't a triple A developer with a massive budget? I get it, EA is a bastard, but come on guys. I shouldn't have to do all the work myself because at that point what's the point of Bioware owning the IP. Why am I buying their product as a consumer? My imagination is free.
I'm not saying I hate this game, because honestly I don't. It does have redeeming qualities. Is it literally just the Antivan crow NPCs (when I ignore the sanitization of the organization), the companions, and the final battle in Minrathous? Yeah, but its enough for me to at least like some of this game. But its not dragon age to me. Its a fantasy rpg cosplaying as a dragon age game. Ngl I've read fanfiction that has deeper lore and a better understanding of the universe of Thedas then this game does.
Idk I just had to scream this into the universe.
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
Vibe Check
Part 14: Strike First, Strike Hard, No Mercy
Also on Ao3 here and tumblr here
Steve can feel Robin getting bored with him. She’s been braiding some of her bangs together at the center of her forehead like a little tail.
The trouble is Steve just doesn’t know how to stop.
“And obviously, I can’t say anything! Billy’s dad was super awful to him and he’s only out to like three people. I don’t wanna break the gay guy bro code-”
“Gay guy bro code is so the name of a porn,” Robin says, tugging at the little useless thing until it came undone.
“Because I broke the whole like… circle of his trust by kissing him and turning into a creep!” Steve doesn’t even break stride in his pacing for her interruption, and Robin’s dorm was small, so pacing wasn’t easy.
“You’re not a creep, he already said that,” She mumbles.
He flops down next to her on the bed. “But like… even though I know I don’t have a shot. I keep thinking… do I have a shot?”
Robin opens her mouth.
“Because Billy’s really and honestly my best-” Steve cut out when Robin put her hand over his mouth. At least it smelled pleasantly of her shampoo not nasty, like Billy’s hand normally did.
Christ, Steve had missed him.
“There. Jeez. I can finally hear myself think,” Robin says. “Will you please chill out just a little?”
Steve has to think about it but he eventually nods.
“I am loathe to admit it because we did so much work in your ‘get over a straight crush’ twelve step program but…” she sighs, “this could mean you have a shot.”
“You think?”
“I mean, he’s gay. And you’re best friends. Weirdly touchy best friends. Clearly the kiss didn’t completely repulse him.” She nods once, decisively. “I don’t know about this Jason guy but he confided in you and came out to you. That’s huge.”
Steve nods eagerly, opening his mouth again. She quickly clamps her hand down over his mouth again.
“Now what we need to be thinking is not is this possible but how do we make this possible,” Robin shook her head.
Steve pries Robin’s hand free, “ok. How do we do that?”
She stands up with energy, pacing a little, her hair bouncing. Steve is really glad at this moment that Robin’s roommate was always at her boyfrien’s. He sits on Robin’s pink ruffled bedspread, toying nervously with one of the worn edges. Robin hated the thing, because it was a hand-me-down from her big sister, but Steve likes playing with it. Besides, it formed a contrast with the rest of Robin’s decor, and Robin herself. And there was something kind of charming about it. She turns to him, heavily lined eyes widening.
“Yeah?” He sits up straighter.
She slumps. “I’ve got nothing. This is uncharted territory. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I get a vibe from Billy. But I assumed it was latent bisexuality he was going to repress until he developed an ulcer in middle age after you two went on a bros fishing trip.”
Steve’s somach sinks and he deflates into the bed. “Oddly specific.”
“What I mean is this never happens. Normally straight crushes only end in heartbrak.” She shakes her head. “Do you have any idea how rare this is?”
“Obviously not, I only realized about myself like a few weeks ago.”
“Well, it’s a big deal. It also means I have no idea what to do.” She huffs. “I’ve failed you as a gay sensai.”
“No, no, you haven’t. I mean without you I probably would have developed that ulcer.” Steve stands and takes her hands. “You will always be my gay sensai.”
“You’re right. How could I have doubted myself?” She closes her eyes and then opens them, staring into Steve’s very soul. “Sorry, I got lost in the magnitude of it. He’s gay!”
Steve breaks into a giddy grin. “I know.”
“You have a shot.”
“You really think so?”
“Steve, for like two years I thought you and him were all shacked up. What can this Jason guy have that you don’t?” Robin’s blue gaze is so sincere it almost makes Steve want to cry.
“I dunno. He’s pretty hot. He’s like super buff with a great ass, and he’s kind of mouthy, like Billy, so…”
“How did you not know you were bi. It boggles the mind. But anyway, you’re hot stuff too, Mr. Thigh Kappa-”
“Theta Pi-”
“Whatever. Billy just needs a little nudge. You’re gonna be like Brittany and Santana.” Robin’s nodding with herself like she’s agreeing with something.
“Who?”
“Oh my sweet summer child. It’s like… friends to lovers, ok? We just have to show you in a new light,” She waves a hand over Steve’s t-shirt and sweatshorts. “Make him see you as more than a friend.”
“I did kiss him,” Steve reminds her, stepping back a little because the eye contact was getting a bit too much.
“Exactly. We’re off to a great start. Now he knows you’re bi, he’s already seeing you in a new way. The time to strike is now!”
“Okay,” Steve nods, then shakes his head then nods again. “But what if Jason likes him back?”
“Then we hope you’ve already gotten Billy’s attention,” She claps her hands together. “That’s why we need to move fast. Strike while the iron is hot. Billy said he wanted to break Jason and his boyfriend up, right?”
“Right.”
“So I say, you try and get them all out together so you can gague how Jason feels about Billy.” Robin says.
“And the boyfriend too. Maybe it’ll actually work in my favor.”
Robin grins. “Yes, exactly. Phase 1: scope out the enemy. After that we move on to, Phase 2-”
“Seduction.” Steve looks down at his shoes. “Damn, you really are the sensai.”
“I know, I’m like cobra kai over here. What is it? Punch fast, no breaks, no mercy.” Robin’s head is bobbing like a bobblehead. “This can work.”
Steve beams, “this can work.
“Totally. And besides I’m pretty sure making moves on your friends is like actually the gay guy bro code.”
“Wait, really?”
Robin sighs, rolling her eyes dramatically. “This is why I wanted you to go to a gay bar. Hookup culture. You’re basing all your gay knowledge on like… homoerotic moments on Friday Night Lights.”
“But I don’t want to just hook up with him. I wanna like… date him.” Steve looked at his hands. “Like I wanna take him out and bring him flowers.”
She squints at him, “ok, well, you do that to a closeted guy at your own risk, ok?”
“What do you mean?”
She looks at her poster of 1971’s Klute like she’s praying to Jane Fonda to help her though this. “Like you are right that you have to step a little careful. Billy just came out to you and it sounds like you can’t exactly show up with flowers to the frat house without him probably punching you.”
Steve makes a stifled sound. “I wou- the flowers are more of a metaphor. I mean I don’t just want to be a hookup.”
“Yes, I know. I’ve heard many times about how you want to stand in the thunderstorm and let it drown you. And so had everyone else in editing 102.” She nods, pacing a few steps and rubbing her fuzzy green socks into the flat dorm carpet.
Steve squirms a little, turning away and looking sightlessly at the things on Robin’s desk. “No, that wasn’t about Billy-”
“Shh… a plan is forming.” He looks, and she’s holding a hand up. “How did you and Nancy start dating?”
“I flirted with her at a few parties, and we hooked up. And then I put on my charm,” Steve starts, jolting when Robin grabs his arm.
“And Heidi from Winter’s lecture? Didn’t you say you dated?”
Steve scratches his temple. “We hooked up when a couple of us went to see In the Mood for Love. And then we started texting, and I put on the charm… but, I-”
“Exactly. Ok. Ok. Here’s the plan.” Robin tugs on his arm until they’re both flopped on the bed. “You agree to help with the Jason thing, scope everything out. And then while we’re there, just… like make out with someone. With Jason if you can.”
“What? In front of Billy?”
“Yes, Grandma. Listen. I’ll be there, I’ll watch Billy’s reaction. But it will do two things. First, Billy’s gonna see that you’re open to hooking up. So the kiss won’t seem so much like a repressed love confession.”
Steve can only shrug, because it totally was.
“And then you can start hooking up with Billy,” She smiles, even as she’s digging her blue fingernails into his arm.
Steve’s face is getting hot and his stomach flip flops. “But I don’t want him to get the-”
“Wrong idea, I know. But if you start with the lovey dovey confession and Jason’s around he’ll fully freak and think you both have to like come out to the house and be together right away. How do you think he’s gonna react to that?”
“Ok, that’s fair.” Steve wasn’t sure if he wanted to hope but his heart rose in his chest regardless.
“Once you’re hooking up you can just slowwwwly put on the charm. Ease him into it,” Robin circles a hand in the air. “And then you can find out the best ways to sneak around, and figure it out and then oopsie it’s been months and Jason? Who’s that?”
Steve bites his lip, nodding slightly.
“What? What’s wrong?”
“Just nervous. What if Billy doesn’t fall for my charm? He knows what it looks like.”
“Duh. You dazzle him with your dick, Steve.”
“But I’ve never hooked up with a guy!” Steve cries.
“That’s why a friend would be a perfect first hook up. Trust me. He won’t know what’s happening. You’ll be like I dunno how teach me how to give a blowjob. We’ll distract him with your wiles,” She flings her arm towards Steve’s body with all the enthusiasm as if she was pointing at a dead spider.
Steve kneeded his lip between his teeth. He should take more time to think it through. But his head swirled with ‘what if’s,’ while his heart was storming with wild runaway wishes and hopes. He could turn hooking up into a relationship. He knew he could.
But the stakes had just never been so high before.
Robin nods like she can read his mind. It always feels like she can. “Ask him to go out. Baby steps. And don’t worry, your gay sensai will be with you every step of the way.”
#billy hargrove#steve harrington#billy x steve#shieldofiron#harringrove#Harringrove#Billy Hargrove#Steve Harrington#Billy x Steve#Steve x Billy#my writing#frat boy au#vibe check au harringrove
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
i know that jesse armstrong is more than capable of knowing when to end a series but the way it was announced that season 4 is going to be the last one kind of made me feel like the whole process behind it is a bit sketchy. they only revealed that s4 is the last one only a month before the premiere, even after posting teaser trailers that never even hinted at the season being the last, and even the cast got the news only during the table read for the final episode. the promotion of season 4 has been disappointing especially when compared to season three. while the actors are not the ones writing the show, most of them have been very clear that they could have seen the show go on for another season and their disappointment over the show ending has been clear as day. while an ambiguous ending will be a very fitting end to succession and i am not against it, i am definitely wondering if the decision to finish with season 4 was something that developed during the filming process instead of it being a clear guideline throughout the creative process of season 4.
#succession#idk my biggest complaint is not telling the actors. like i get it that it might have impacted their performance but still#it is their job and definitely a big and meaningful project for all of them. and if they got to know only in january or something???#at that point there was already teaser trailers coming out and basically no hints of the season being last. ofc i don't know what goes on#behind the scenes but personally i am a bit annoyed sdjhfdsf#i just keep remembering that one quote from jesse where he said that they're gonna keep going as long as it keeps being fun. huh.#maybe i'm just bitter because my favorite show is ending. but i am not a fan of how this season being last has been handled#but i am glad that at least the reviewers think the season is great and i am incredibly excited to see what happens!!! i just wish the#annoucement had given everyone more time to come to terms with the ending#also this has been bothering me for weeks now and i wanted to get this out of my system before the premiere. please enjoy
145 notes
·
View notes
Text
mad & mad & mad & mad & mad & mad & mad &
#I hate how whenever I look forward to something fun I always think half-jokingly haha I wonder what one thing will go wrong because#there's always something#and then. every time. something goes wrong. and my brain is like yep we still have no precedent for things going the way we wish them to#and it makes a little note in some mental excel spreadsheet of a long line of things that went wrong when we wanted them to go right#and this is why I go to therapy lol#yeah it doesn't happen all the time yeah it's usually small things that don't really matter yeah I know things never work out ~perfectly~#but. but still.#I'm sure this is all fine and it won't be as big of a deal as I think...but I had been so looking forward to having a good day#and I did! I have two days off for fall break and my mum and I went to a bakery and had gâteau au yaourt and croissants#and we went to some bookstores and I got the iliad (belovedest) so it was a good day!! but why does it have to end in tears#why do I have to suddenly be reminded that I have one foot in the chronically ill pool#why do other people get to have their dreams come true seemingly so easily while I have to fight for everything#oh well. at least I'm home and don't have to worry about getting dinner. and we have ice cream. and I still have the iliad.#and I am still blessed.#it's *sighs* fine.#earl crow ramblings
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
we have an especially bad migraine where I noticed us getting aura (mostly being pissed off and upset in a specific way) for several hours before it started and we've taken pain meds but I'm not sure they've actually helped. they have definitely given us side effects though and I feel very spaced out and nauseous and generally shit.
we've also had way worse ADHD symptoms for the last few days to the point of being pretty much unable to focus on anything besides like 2 things we've hyperfixated on. we've had so much trouble starting tasks and keep struggling to hold a train of thought or focus long enough to even figure out what we need to do each day despite having all our Habitica dailies to tell us.
our brain is all over the place and I'm not really sure what to do with it or what would help but it's just occurred to me that sometimes our ADHD gets really bad in the buildup to some of our worst migraines and now I'm just hoping that both the migraine and other shit ease off soon because I'd like to be able to function
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#posts made on pain meds#I've spent like 6 hours drawing today because we fixated on one piece of art that I originally started as a joke#but I probably had other tasks to do and I don't know what any of them were and I tried very hard to at least make a list or something#but just could not hold a coherent train of thought and got really overwhelmed every time I tried to think of stuff I needed to do#so I gave up after a while because I realised my options were to keep trying and failing and just get upset and start dissociating#and end up doing absolutely nothing while feeling really bad#or just go ahead and draw for as long as I can handle because our brain's fixated on it and at least I'd be doing something#and it's also nice to actually be able to work on art for any length of time after having such bad art block so far this year#oh I did also shower shortly after we woke up which was our main big task of the day I think so that's something to be proud of#our tourette's has been bad and that made it surprisingly difficult and it was kind of stressful and exhausting but we did it#it's also just occurred to me that our tourette's and ADHD and a few other issues have all flared up together#followed by a particularly bad migraine which is a pattern we keep noticing and first noticed back in December#and all these issues are known to involve dopamine but I can't figure out what exactly is going on#when it happens we also start getting sensory overload way more easily
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Travelling back home tomorrow hoping for a smooth groove
#i did have a really nice week last week but now im back to everything feeling busy#(its not really that busy)#and oh i miss being slow like idk ever since i was a literal child doing ONE excursion weekly#for an hour#always felt like such s draining burden#and tbh i would like to know why thst is because while it's easy to see as poor habit as an adult reinforcing itself#as a kid i was always made to do things. see people.#i did a summer camp every year at least during the day#i did sports i went hiking in forests#but i remember so distinctly like an age where i stopped asking my parents to try new things#because i would get so excited!!!! but then every week it would become this overwhelming presence#despite being something that i actively enjoyed#and it eventually felt so awful i was like okay no more wanting things you dont use them wisely#like ouch yeah actually that's a big one. wanting things usually wraps back#around to shame or guilt just about always#anyway how is this relevant to travelling?#it's just that i have to travel tomorrow and i have a doctors appointment Friday i have to go to in person#ive changed beds ive slept in 3 times in 5 days#and all i can say at the end of it is that even these little things are JUST enough to be on edge#to feel like im putting my hands over my ears and closing my eyes and pretend nothing bad is gonna happen#even thougu DEFINITELY something bad is going to happen#but of course it doesnt because this is all benign stuff ive done a trillion times before of no note#crazy how complicated it can be to be a person#it is why i dream of living in a small village where i am an apprentice tradesperson and i live simple house#and the house you can walk to anywhere you need to anywhere you need in an your#but no one is that urgent about anything anyway.#beautiful little place that has never actually ever existed for anyone in anytime#but i am still wanting to scream and pull my hair out just asking why why cant everything slow down and be smaller
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Speed Ran through Mario Galaxy 2 Yesterday while sick because I couldn't remember why I disliked it so much and wanted to see if that was just younger me being biased. It was not.
But I regained my love for Lubba and Dino Piranha, so that's something at least.
#Emile's Arts#Sorry Galaxy 2 fans I am not one of you#I like the ending scene better than 1's at least#Headcanon that Rosalina fills the Mario Bros with a very profound sadness when she's near us#And none of us know why#I can't decide if it's memories from the past future seeping through the holes of reality and still reaching us#Or if her magic naturally projects her emotions and old blurry memories onto those around her#I like the idea of the second one and it being something she was born with#Because currently I write Rosalina very Emotionless Autistic#She feels obviously she has a big heart full of love and sorrow and stuff but she doesn't show it often#But her natural magic sort of bleeds that onto people around her so everyone always knows how she's feeling#I think that's neat#but either works still the flow of time isn't real so we could be getting memories of things that haven't happened yet#Anyway#Dino Piranha my baby puppy dog I have no idea if that'll stick but I do really love him#My S/I does NOT go into space during Galaxy unless he's like. In Peach's Castle when it happens#So actually he might but proooooooobably not?#I'll figure it out later#I'm mashing Galaxy 1 and 2 together into one thing because they're basically the same game#Just Galaxy 1 has a story and Galaxy 2 has Lubba my beloved#And Prince Luma wearing Mario's hat that is SUPER important to me as well. Mario canonically got his hat snatched by a star baby#Amazing
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
<3
#been thinking a lot about how whenever i have a dream or an idea marinating in my brain for long enough it then becomes something that i am#determined to pursue. and that no one can really dissuade me from#it simply becomes a permanent part of my creative direction in life#i guess you could say that's kind of the same thing as having a special interest but not QUITE#like for example. what i'm thinking of right now is my desire to start a band#and i come up with a lot of crazy ideas on a day to day basis but a good amount of them end up being simply fleeting or dictated by my mood#the ones that stay though... those are the one that actually HAPPEN#i've wanted to sing in a band for at least a year now#to be honest it's probably been longer but it's been at least a year of me being consciously aware of it#and it just made me realize. this desire has stuck around in my brain for quite a while now#and i think that means it is going to happen someday#i don't know exactly how yet because the way i originally thought it might happen (me going to music college) didn't work out#but it's been a year and i'm still thinking about it and keeping my eyes open in case i meet the right people to make music with#i know from experience that when i put my mind to something i WILL get it done#in the sense that i will surprise myself with how stubborn i can be when it comes to not stopping chasing my dreams#and i've had big goals in the past that i did achieve because of this#i'm also like. surprisingly adaptable??? i only recently learned that about myself but i be pulling Plan B's out of my sleeves#so that's all to say -- i'm choosing to believe that i will start my band someday and it will be better than i can imagine right now#and in general i'm choosing to believe that the things i truly love and truly want in my life will only become more clear over time#even if i'm confused and lost at times NOW... if i keep moving forward in time it will all make sense#and a lot of times situations do work out exactly the way they were meant to but in the most unexpected of ways#i don't know how coherent this all was but yeah#starting a band is only the most recent example#belle speaks
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
hey. hey universe. hey fucker universe.
no one said you could bring back the Wednesday Curse, bitch. fuck off with this shit i didn't need any of this first thing today.
#the Wednesday Curse is related to a span of about... almost 10 years of every single wednesday having something major go wrong#''major'' is a strong word but it would always feel big and afterwards would be when i would notice it was wednesday#it was a lot and i got very tired of it very quickly but it eventually stopped and i stopped noticing wednesdays#because they stopped being bad every single week#i would wake up on a wednesday bracing for whatever terrible news i would learn or whatever horrible thing would happen inevitably#and i stopped having to do that#my dreams lately have been absolutely horrific and last nights/this mornings was.... worse than usual in a way i wasn't anticipating that's#made me very very worried about a dear friend i can't easily reach out to and i'm doing my best at waiting patiently for a response#but it's hard and then the tire on the car exploded *again* so we're scrambling to figure out how to fix that and we've got a plan#and at least 3 butches on the job and it's going to be okay in the end but i have extreme car anxiety and tires going out is one of the mai#triggers for that and i'm just#i'm also still dealing with the tail end (hopefully) of an upper respiratory infection which makes all the crying i keep doing difficult#because i keep needing to hack my lungs out because breathing sucks rn even though i've had all my meds for it#and i'm just... it's just... anyway#i'm having a rough morning#but i am surrounded by people who are very lovely and care a lot and are willing and able to help with whatever they can#and that's helped a lot and it's just... i know i gotta wait patiently for resolution on things and i'm gonna do my best#to calm myself down and try to be less anxious but i'm only able to do that because of the love that surrounds me and it's a lot#it's all a lot and idk man#the spectre of my dad is doing his best to ruin it but he doesn't exist here in this space it's just a bad memory and no one is at fault
1 note
·
View note
Text
no see I WILL write something eventually, I haven’t been putting it off, I’ve just been uhhhhh cultivating the story for a couple of years yeah yeah
#stop cultivating and start harvesting idiot#no but I CAN’T write until I have at least a dozen books of story ready to go#how am I supposed to foreshadow anything if I don’t know what’s going to happen 500 chapters later???#how am I supposed to write a character even a minor one if I don’t have their entire future backstory and parent’s backstory planned out??#I can’t worldbuild unless I plan out all of the major cities including their political systems religions economy food production trade etc#also I just don’t want to sit down and write#so I just sit an worldbuild in my head all day#I have been for like two years now this is the longest I’ve seriously ‘worked on’ (ie daydreamed) a story in my head#and it’s really cliche and has a billion well worn tropes but it’s like… this is my comfort world building#and by comfort I mean really kinda fucked up world but whatever every edgelord or loser with an over active imagination has one#I need to read more people’s uhh… like.. not published authors… like tumblr users writing or whatev. like what is it called ao3? that stuff#not to be negative to them or anything but to like hype myself up#like see you don’t have to be a big named author to put your mind out there#I’m just kind of babbling here#suddenly reminded that a book I like John Dies At The End was originally released chapter by chapter online#so like… you don’t have to be like ‘this has to be put out whole in one book to be real writing’#I just need to write for fun but im a very shy boy 🥺#im fucking 34 im not a little boy I have to remind myself#anyway… if any mutuals read this much and you write online you should message me something you have that you like so I can read it#and I’ll be extra sweet and supportive and happy bc you’ll be helping me and I’ll get to support you#or whatever. I dunno. this is dumb. I’m sorry for wasting your time! jeez!#you can ignore this#text
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
mmm metals,
#just me hi#i bit the inside of my cheek by accident lol-#i dunno why mouth blood tastes better than skin blood. or maybe that's just me hfhvf#//hey why are hotdogs so gross#why are they. textured like that .-.#very bad i can't even describe how much it's like Eegs#eegs... eggs... eags.... it's all the same........ peave and love............#and they can taste quite gross!! i don't understand what happened to my taste hvhfhd#one day it's a-ok and the next it's Euw. Summin Is Wrong Here#//HEy i need to find that post with the little orange snake with its little dragon helmet‚ it was so cute :>#snakes are neat! i'm still scared of them but they are pretty cool#still disappointed that giraffe necks don't work like that :// coulda had the worst creature to ever exist#elephants are too big but a giraffe is smaller so that makes it Much scarier#//hm. ykno i am significantly more scared of small creatures than big ones#at least a big one i know it's the end if something happens‚ or my dumb luck'll somehow rescue my hapless self again#but small ones?? there can be So Many. Like SO Many. Like I Would Rather Drink Pool Water Than Deal With Them#bugs </////3#when i was younger i was scared of butterflies so that should put it into some perspective hbvfhsvja#i don't like... their legs.......#Dear Bugs!! You Are Very Nice But Please For The Love Of All That Is Good Don't Touch Me :)#/hey but big cats are kinda medium. cows are Little Scary‚ big cats are Mid Scary and a bunny with rabies is Big Scary hh#little cats though ?? little bitty baby cats ??? the scariest thing on the planet i am only partially joking#it'll be like 3 a.m. and a little kitten has no sense of rudeness so!! it'll just Attack you! spitting clawing biting and if your blanket i#too thin you are F u n k e d. and you wake up in fight-or-flight and realize you're STILL being attacked by a tiny little creature that you#canNOT (repeat; canNOT) fight so you kinda just get to the point where it's like an old western stand-off until one of you leaves the room.#usually the kitten hvhfh#//it smells like some kind of cleaner in here and :< it smells baad#baaad... baaaa :>#baaaaaa#//ok i'm going to spin in circles now uvu
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
life is wonderful, and i'm okay...
no, my trigger didn't just get flashed at me twice...
cause that be too nice...
#greglow speak#honestly... idk if a can say i'm okay with people having that hc anymore... like why the hell is a translation error so popular?!#i was okay with peeps having it but rn... i cannot take it anymore... i so have the urge to explode on them...#but i'm not a shit like that... ugh... so freaking frustrating😭😖😣#i wish it just didn't exist...#how big of a moron are you fucking scott?! did you really think playing charedes will get you the end result you wanted?!#it only resulted with confused creators and a stupid translation error...🤦🏻#can i enjoy my favourite character without him getting plastered with a dumb trigger that ruins him completely?! that's all i ask...😭#also... to the people who don't tag it... can you pls consider that someone is getting their sanity eaten...#like if you have a ship and it's gay/lesbian then tagging characters as gay/lesbian is not necessary...#but like something that doesn't get included in a ship tag should... is it too much to ask?#i'm sure i'm not the only one who would be happy to have their sanity preserved...#greglow glitch#i know one who doesn't tag has blocked me; thank god... but again it shows that they have it and worse don't even tag it on ao3 where#a tag for it exists and.... ugghhhhh....#if you would tag it i wouldn't have read yours and would not have even interracted with you and i'd be fine and wouldn't have my art i don'#want to reblog because of the association to said person.... and wouldn't have been caught up in reading your fics and then get hit#with a freaking hammer of a trigger... and now i'm scared to touch anyones fics bc it could happen again...#and i do not want to be disappointed i have read or have started reading a fic which has the trigger....#(sorry... i needed to get it off my chest... i know no one's going to read this; but i at least got it off of me...)#(now watch me interracting and getting excited over someone's fic again and then not be able to read it anymore...)
1 note
·
View note