#at first it was only a couple of them bc it made me think of Gwyn's theme (instruments and the way the music was played)
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so for a bit more context click here.
letās start without further ado.
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this all happened at my momās place, i have a small bedroom that i do not share and my siblings sleep on the floor above. i sleep in a twin sized bed (it can only fit one person,me) and itās elevated because itās a loft bed, so you have to climb a wooden ladder and one of its steps is broken (i almost died climbing it down once.)
that night i went to bed with my s/o on my mind, like i could not STOP thinking about him, i dreamt of him a few times, even had one nightmare which woke me up stressed asl but i went back to sleep some moments after.
i was in my bed knocked tf out when i felt someone in my bed moving next to me. idk if they were trying to get out the bed and i was blocking them, but that person touched my shoulder and i was so fucking knocked out that i thought it was my sister, even though that made no sense because that meant she wouldāve climbed my ladder to join me in a bed that in which i can barely fit. but yk i was tired af so i wasnāt making sense. ANYWAY, that person was moving SO much or trying to move me so bad they repeatedly touched my shoulder. the first couple of times i didnāt care much bc i was like yk how [sister name is] (i used to share a bed with her thatās why my mind automatically went to her), then the second couple of times i was like ābitch you shifted.ā because i realized my sister was sleeping upstairs and also that i do NOT have a shareable bed like none of my siblings are/were in my bed, neither is/was my mom and my family basically only consist of me, my mom and my siblings.
so because i was knocked out, i couldnāt bring myself to open my eyes but i held onto that āi might have shiftedā thought and then this was confirmed when i felt someone literally spoon me.
i usually sleep on my left side and i felt someone slip their arms between my left armpit and then right armpit and rest them on my chest (boobs). after that i realized i had shifted so I SAT UP and looked at my surroundings and saw that i wasnāt in my room, it was a bigger room, similar to the one i had designed for my DR and the curtains also had changed, they were thicker (somewhat black) then blackout and I woke up in this reality.
so yeah that was it. iām kinda mad at myself for not outright realizing i had shifted and straight up kiss my man. like CAN YOU BELIEVE, that man was right next to me, he was SPOONING ME and i didnāt flinch or realize it.
soā¦ i shifted.
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juvie buddies
#alek art#td duncan#td mal#total drama#total drama all stars#(if i want to get technical)#2024#duncan is around 15 here... mal is around 16#ive thought really hard about them these past few days . in my brain they actually knew each other and canon is different#duncan and mike got along really well. in juvie mal refused to speak to anyone about anything and would fight as many people as he could .#he wanted to stay in there and far away from home . they get roomed together and duncan is the first person who mal can talk to . he isnt#scared of him . he relates to him a lot . like -> wow we both act out for attention and people think we are terrible because of it#duncan being a mentally ill teenager seeing mal an also very mentally ill teenager thought 'i can fix him' . mike and duncan speak too here#i cant really see anyone else fronting besides those two . their brain was on lockdown and mike wanted out so bad . i see manitoba as a#gatekeeper so hed handle some sessions with their psych. i want to say they (duncan and mike) get moved to a psyche ward just because#i have more knowledge on being in one and how it goes ... but yeah i like duncan mal a lot . this art isnt ship whatsoever though š i dont#see them as a couple their dynamic is just better as friends imo#but anyways in all stars they obviously recognize each other but have an unspoken agreement not to say anything abt it#duncan is a known criminal but mike isnt like that . mike hadnt even told zoey about that part of his life . so duncan wanted to respect his#privacy -> then mal starts hurting people and he has to step in . mal isnt a good person by any means but i dont think he was that bad in#juvie . so duncan had to come to terms that his friend wasnt the same person he was years ago (in all stars duncan is ~18 and i think mike#is almost 20... so it had been a while since they last talked)#them getting each other like no other and being in pain because they couldnt really speak . i see them having a conversation still in moon#madness abt their past and history . god i just think abt them and their wasted potential wdym mike and duncan were in juvie together#duncan was in for trespassing or destruction of private property or something really dumb . mal fought his parent(s) and got in for assault#mal was already in when duncan was placed . and duncan was let out early on good behavior + his parents (dad) mostly did it to teach him a#lesson . wrong of them or otherwise . so mal was just kinda stuck there until they realized he was actually not right in the head . think he#knew abt their DID but was only diagnosed in juvie and had to go from there . tbh he shouldve been tried as an adult but td logic . doesnt#matter dw guys . mike gets the 'was put on random meds that made him go braindead' treatment bc that was me . post mental hospital abilify#had me messed up
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a friend who'd wait :)
#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops.#and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can!#and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol#finn's ocs#finn's art#i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me#and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun#i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here:#barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past#he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it#he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned#which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them#they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore#but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird#and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place#though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library#and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together#since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door#eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement#barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time.#barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate#but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd#he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself#but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done.#and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies.#and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them)#and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances''#from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov#sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3#but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh
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#single's inferno#tehwan is so fucking awkward like he's just standing there and I can feel the awkwardness through the screen it's like he's just so uncomfš#aah poor minseol she's so cuteš¤£ youjin is so cute too#finally jeongsu is showing a side I'm actually liking with youjin lol I wasn't expecting this#also didn't expect to like junseo and sian so much agh but what about theo#I don't think dongho likes haelin he definitely likes arin#never thought I'd feel bad for jeonsu but his face after he saw sian leaning on junseo wow made me feel sad also why did sian come in first#minseollllllll my girl I was cheering for you lmaoš#also I was sure junseo only saw minseol as a younger sister but after he said she was on his mind during paradise and was shouting tips at#her during the game I'm like? maybe not? probably yes but maybe not? lol#I was right ofc junseo doesn't like minseol aaaaah poor girl and aaah whoaa I can't believe sian turned theo down#he's also sweet and kind why didn't she go for him instead of jeongsuš©#anyway if it's between junseo and jeongsu than I reaaaaaaaaaaaally hope it's junseo bc jeongsu and sian were so boring together#or maybe she will still choose theo in the end? lmao I don't think so but you never know#between theo and junseo I'm thorn between junseo and jeongsu JUNSEO PLEASE OH GOSH PLEASE#even if junseo just saw minseol as a cute younger friend I still liked their friendship#ah seriously you can't make men feel comfortable and be friendly cause they take you for granted#you have to make them feel NERVOUS taylor swift is a psyho but maybe she was right when she said men only want love if it's tortureš¤£#I'm joking..... partially..... sian still probably made him a little nervous and I think ppl are a little too extreme about junseo#he's rough but he even said he's gonna try to be more gentle to sian and he didn't give minseol fake hopes he was very straightforward#but still nice#now that it's just two episodes till the end I think there was no couple or contestant that I was super into this season#in season two I loved seulki and dex so much and season three there was hajeong and gwanhee even tho I hated gwanhee sometimes#season 1 I liked jia and her puppy (forgot his name lmao) but it wasn't that special same with theo and minseol#so theory going around is that taehwan only went on the show to promote his job... and honestly I know a lot of ppl probably do this but at#at least they fake well? lmao that's why he is so weird and was so desperate to go to paradise with jiyeon bc he HAD TO TALK ABOUT HIS JOB#also he couldn't connect with anyone and was acting like a mf robot#I love that everyone was enjoying him oh he's such a green flag but I was right about him all along dude seriously creeps me out Idk why bu#I have a sixth sense for these things
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Kore is watching my insanity in real time but if you see the entirety of the Vivaldi Seasons album on Eno's playlist; No The Fuck You Don't
#rea rambles#rea rambles in the tags#december 22nd at 2 am the night you are#For context; I really like Vivaldi's Seasons. I love classical music but that IS one of my favorites#at first it was only a couple of them bc it made me think of Gwyn's theme (instruments and the way the music was played)#(aka the song used for Rollo ONCE)#and then I decided to give the entire album a listen again bc I needed it with this new blorbo opened ear#and then I started connecting things. And then More. AND THEN THE ENTIRE ALBUM SUDDENLY WAS ON HER PLAYLIST#THIS ONLY STARTED BECAUSE SUMMER 1-3 MADE ME THINK OF ENO IN MIRROR TO ROLLO; SPECIFICALLY 2 WITH HOW IT ECHOES GWYN'S THEME A LIL BIT#SUMMER 1 BECAUSE I THINK IT ECHOES CLOSER TO HOW ENO ACTUALLY FIGHTS. A LITTLE MORE ENERGY. A BIT MORE FERALITY IN HER SWINGS#and now we're here. thaaats a normal 18 songs to add to someone's playlist#(the autism struck.)#rea's trash
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heol
#ā į¶»į¶»ā turn it up!ā #unrelated its ltr not even what i linked but chasing time - azealia.. Dontttt omg ts is so facking good who made that beat!!!!!!!!!!#ANW. if breakaway is minhui then this is yijun. mayb the single ver more than true romance ver actually.. it js sounds more raw#i rly wanna talk abt why he hates jaehee#bc iāve yapped abt minhui and talked abt DY/JY sort-of parallels in replies somewhere i found it the other day#and ik the āhe doesnāt fitā is what's been written (in pieces + that yt rundown i think) but likee it goes deeper than that#im gnna struggle to put it into words properly but im talking to myself so i can not make sense as much as i want thanks#ok. so he goes on and on abt how jaehee ruined BS bec he ādidnāt fitā into the four that they were without him but. heās lowk projecting#he joined JG in 2016 - jiyeol mai hyeonmin and KOHEN were all there before him. jyās in ā08 mi + kh in 2010 + hm 2011#they chucked their whole childhoods away for jg - and in reward they were meant to be jgās first boygroup#they ltr wouldāve debuted in 2013 if it wasnāt for hyojoo being like hey! this is kinda weird lol! a 17 yo two 15 yos + a 13 yo is weird!#yj was late as HELLLL 2the party. he wouldve been left as a trainee while JY MI KH HM debuted as 9ANTHER if it wasnt 4 The Kohen Mai Thing#aka they started messing around in like 2014 while jy pretended he wasnt abt to crash out and hm had to listen to jy trying not2 crash out#then it got real bad like august 2016 and all of a sudden they HATEDD eo they couldnt even b in the same room#(aka. kh wanted him mi wanted jy and said Lollll i hate u die)#all in all: kh kicked off debut team. spot opens up for yijun right as he enters the company. heās not cut out for ts at all#he was lonely back home and now heās lonely here and now apparently heās in a debut team with 3 guys who know eo and he wants to die#hyeonmin like smiles at him like ONCE during practice and he latches on fastttt this leech ššš tries to worm his way in via hm#spoiler! it only half works theres sand under his skin he hates it all heās not meant for them he needs a gun#it gets better over the years and jy + mi sorting their shit out & cutting off kh completely makes yj feel wayy more secure#and then they debut even if it is after yoonhaeās literal death. and then jaehee comes in like Hiii i like to act and colour ^_^#HE WNATS TO DIEE ITS HIM ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!!!! cant even bear to look at him#like the walls are UP heās not letting himself become kohen. and when jh tries to get close to min - ltr exactly like he did.......#ITS NEVER BEEN MORE BONSOVERRRR#so there. heās mean and hates him and wants him dead for that. Yayyyy#kh has def said some nasttyyyyy shit to yj too ijbol like mind you he didnt leave jg until jy did! THIS YEAR!#the song. is abt himself. him to him in the mirror. to kohen. to jaehee. heās mad at shit thatās never happened and heās never gonna stop#the āwhy did you fall for meā though.. thatās him to min like#he feels like heās conned him into it - bec the first couple months he only rly was around him to try and get into the inner circle#and then he fell in Lol. Gay
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i was tagged by @shadowglens and @risingsh0t to make some ocs in this picrew. thank you so much besties, i loved this picrew so much!! <3
vesper moxley (cp2077) ā¢ victoria gray (cp2077) joelle knight (fo4) ā¢ nina bower (fo4) selene (oblivion) ā¢ hiraeth (skyrim)
tagging: @uldwynsovs @arklay @devilbrakers @nuclearstorms @morvaris @girlbosselrond @indorilnerevarine @moiragf @cultistbase @faarkas @steelport @nokstella @reaperkiller @malefiicarum @brujah @calenhads @lightwardens @aelyosos and whoever else wants to do this or that i missed bc i'm terribly forgetful sorry!!
#tag games#warning i accidentally infodumped in the tags i'm sorry ignore me š ckjsdhdskj#made this based on relationships idk why jdksd. victoria is vesper's bestie 4 life & first gf. joelle & nina my fave wlw married couple#and then for the last one. listen. i've resurected a very old oc and i'm still not so sure but i miss skyrim so bad. they idea is that#they are related as in hiraeth is a descent of selene bc i think dragonborn=martin septim's child> family line going forward until we#have our little hiraeth. i never thought of selene & martin having a kid in canon (only stupid ideas of an au) but u know. what if. she#still ends up in the shivering isles tho and becomes sheogorath. hiraeth's bloodline having like an emperor & a daedric prince. OK KING!!#much to think about tbh. not sure if they/she(probably he too. thinking of their gender as therapy for myself) will stick as nord or maybe#wood elf too like selene. or maybe even dunmer?? it makes no sense fjkdfhk IDK. literally i HAVE so much to think for them#also their name came to me bc i read the welsh word Hiraeth that basically means 'a mixture of longing yearning nostalgia homesickness'#+ 'an expression of an empty desire and grief over a past life or place' and with drangonborns i like to push the idea of 'maybe they were#actual dragons in a past life and now human' u know?? so i thought it was sooo fitting. i also like the idea of the more dragon souls#they absorb the more their features turn..dragonesque?? draconic jkfdhfkdsj idk i love them very much (:#(i have no idea how dragon in past life + martin's bloodline can fit but i'm literally only vibing rn)#i want to replay skyrim SO bad but i need someone to hold my hand so tightly as they help me set up mods for this game bc i never played#skyrim with mods (collective gasp) and i have no idea of what to pick ecc especially bc everything..breaks with a snap of fingers so yea ri#SORRY for talking so much i get excited about new things (my oc in this case) so easily..#oc: vesper#oc: victoria#oc: joelle#oc: nina#oc: selene#oc: hiraeth#ALSO FUCK OFF JOELLE IS SOOOOOOOOO CUTE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!
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I honestly don't think there is greater shonen anime in existence than My Hero Academia seasons 1 & 2. The breakneck speed of the pacing, the MUSIC, the animation, the pure unbridled excitement, the realistic development of everyone's powers especially Izuku's, the emotionality. Shonen is not even my genre typically, but when I think of an anime that captures everything that I think the genre is supposed be I can't think of anything that does it better.
#personal#my hero academia#bnha#sadly the quality dipped drastically as the seasons went on & there is so much filler now#but I'll stick with it until the end#bc i'll never forget how the first couple of seasons made me feel like i could do anything!#it inspired me to go back to school and finish my degree while working a full time job#it was the hardest thing I've ever done & i remember watching an episode before bed each night and feeling like#if izuku could believe in himself to the point of delusion despite everything and everyone telling him he couldn't achieve his dreams#then i could sustain a brutal schedule for 18 months#i am trying once again to inspire that kind of energy for something I have in the works so i think i will restart it :)#i had quotes from the show written in my notes app and i'd read them several times a day#whenever i felt doubtful scared overwhelmed or anxious#and i not only graduated but with straight As too & that shit was hard!!! all of my classes were math/statistics/data analysis of some kind
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ggghhg i hate vehiclessssssss ghghghhghhhhh [dies dies dies forever]
#just me hi#i'm going to get right back to it but i need to complain or i'll turn into a stale loaf of Bread lmao :3š#so here it is. why's it gotta be so hard hhghfh#okay buildings suck i hate buildings. but also they don't make me want to immediately explode at the merest hint of actually drawing them#vehicles?? Vehicles ???? i am going to just. what if i just put everyone in magical cardboard boxes and did that huh. what is the point !!#i have to draw motorcyclessss and carssssss and i'm okay with bikes to a degree actually <3 and horsessssssss and truckssssssssssss#god forbid you pick an older model with like 20 articles on it cuz most of them are going to only have a side profile and 3/4s view of that#dang thing. which yea sounds manageable 'why is this a problem keeps' i cannot properly see the FRONT#i have to guess?? i have to Guess ???? my dearest wish i think i'm just going to live in the sewers. with the sewer creatures#GGHHHHHHHHHHHH#i am going to practice drawing this stupid thing that i'm going to use for like 7 panels MAX and then i'm going to commit a FOUL crime. lik#rearranging someone's usual playlist without them knowing so they're confused every time they listen to it afterwards#//okay enough of that. we're good hbfhsfh :3#i have done other things today ! i've actually made a rough timeline for pi.e so thaaaat's cool :D#that and found a cool artist to follow on pillowfort. i. forgor their user but they have cool art .w.#/also i'm past the halfway mark on this first chapter which is !!!#i don't want to jinx myself cuz i know i'm really good at that hfhsv - but i think i'll start storyboarding the next part if i can get a#couple more pages done :D#//also the cowboy au grows stronger everyday hhhgfshvbh#i kind of knew some sort of au was inevitable but i did not think it would be an old west one loll :3#still trying to figure out the logistics#i wanna find some good historical fiction from those eras (1860s-70s) but i do not have the brain space for it rn fbhs - so this will do :>#it won't have any of the magic or gods i think bc of that but i'm having fun regardless :D#it Does have some occult though. because i was playing the story for my brother and i Do enjoy scaring him hhbvhfhsfvh#there are devils on the ranch!! or are they devils?? he hasn't gotten that far yet lol :>#//i also may have some sort of weird lean towards the spooky because Somehow each of my stories end up containing some sort of thriller#element?? lmao rip my siblings#but it never happens on purpose. again; rip my siblings hfhhvsh#//oo running out of tag space lol <//3#i shall return. probably with more wip stuff cuz i started like 4 canvases in 2 days hhghghdvs - toodles !!
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maybe i should have gone into practical effects instead of computer science...
#when i was in middle school i used to use red and black pens + spit for blending to make it look like the backs of my hands were torn open#i can't believe it's almost 4am. i just spent 5 hours typing up an essay about MM's erik that i just fuckin privated bc i was embarrassed#AND I STILL NEVER SPELL HIS NAME RIGHT THE FIRST TIME AAAAAAAA#i was right but im going to save all my points for the fanfic im currently planning out and promptly NEVER GOING TO ACTUALLY WRITE#I say shoving my plans for my h2o s3 rewrite off the table#yes i skipped from s2 to s3 i had a BRILLIANT idea [season 3 h2o spoilers ahead be wary my mutuals who are still watching]#okay so you know how lewis goes to the american institute of marine bio in the middle of 3? since this is tied to my s2 rewrite fic i wante#to actually finally reasonably re-introduced dr denman to the story because i never liked that she just fucked off at the end of s1#despite WITNESSING the moon pool magic. so i made it so she runs into lewis while doing a presentation for the college and they have a chat#(because her JAW paper plays an important part in my s2 rewrite bc i imagine lewis is the kind of guy who SAYS he deleted every copy of#it... but ACTUALLY he secretly printed himself out a copy to study in private to compare to his own notes bc#[lewis voice] come *on* guys just THINK of the progress that he could make with this! [grabby hands in front of chest])#so yeah they have a chat and Linda kind of gives Lewis the opposite dilemma in s3 that Louise gives him in s1 about science and magic#since SHE knows about the moon pool and has been biding her time and she knows Lewis knows and Lewis is like ah... uh oh.#it will eventually tie into the idea it's not about forcing science and magic together or separating them#its abt respectfully and responsibly utilizing both to see their fullest potential. which lewis learned in s2 and Linda has... not.#BUT#later on she gets a call from 1 (one) ryan who is like 'hey so i heard u did environmental studies on mako for dr bennett a couple years ag#and i was wondering if you've seen anything weird there as im currently doing a-' and she's immediately like 'YOU SON OF A BITCH IM IN'#and he's like 'wha-' and she's like 'i have already booked my plane tickets we're going to have a great time we have lots to talk about :)'#and wheeee now they have someone who knows about mermaids on their team and it's the perfect way to bring lewis back to relevancy in s3 :D#it also gives me reason to have two bad bitches (linda and sophie) meet and get to know each other which is not a dynamic ive seen in#any of the H2O fics i've ever read so im very hyped to delve into how they'll play off each other#also charlotte is there so technically three bad bitches (only in my au Charlotte never lost her tail and is part of the gang she just move#because she felt like she needed to leave to really be able to find herself without being in her grandmother's shadow but she comes back bc#well... it's season 3 mako is sounding the fucking emergency alarms everyone is showing up sdkghkfjhg)#im also so so so hyped to show u guys who's coming back in the s2 rewrite because it ISNT denman and i think everyone thinks it will be :3c#(i said she when telling ppl to look forward to a familiar face... but can u blame me for getting hype she's one of my favorite characters!#i love u H2O#cruddy rambles
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Love to go back to my desk once I've woken up and see whatever weird thing I was working on at like 5 am. This one I think is genuinely interesting but also would look so deranged to anyone else š I was writing a color coded guide to how I group drivers in my head with examples with different grids(i.e. how the demographics change) and now I want to write one for all of the 2000-now grids. Completely normal behavior what are you talking about
#let me know if anyone wants to see it :D i like to do these little projects for myself bcs its fun to be meticulous#but as i said i do think its really interesting what the demographic of the grid is#(how i group them is basically about debut year which comes with certain impressions on my part)#but i say it looks deranged bcs one time i showed my dad my f1 guide book#(i have a notebook where i wrote down guides of all the grids like with teams/drivers/team changes/etc)#(and also write down all of the race wknd results from this season)#and hes like '...oooookayyyyyyy š¶'#ITS FUN FOR ME OKAY#im just fond of 'record keeping' ig and i really think the older grids are interesting#id love to do the 90s but the further back you go the more confusing it gets tbh#like only a handful of drivers ik from then and also more drivers#i actually have written grid guides twice....sry its rly fun actually š#but bcs i switched notebooks and i wanted to make a better one#but it was so interesting bcs i made the first one when i was getting into f1 and then the 2nd one was like after i had watched older races#so the first time i only knew a couple drivers but then 2nd time i recognized practically every name#lmao this started bcs i had to write a 2023 guide to myself so i could memorize all the teams and drivers#and i remember really not knowing like any of them but now i think i could do back until 2018 from memory#before that gets a bit hsrd just because there's a lot of drivers that just come and go super quickly and leave not much impression imo#okay anyways now i must embark on my deranged organizational adventure#catie.rambling.txt
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i think its fucking rly stupid that theyre spoonfeeding us the 2023 cast recording like. 1 song at a time its so dumbb LOL
#just drop the album ššwho tf is like Omg yas 7 songs not even like the first 7 songs just a selection of 7 songs from all over the musical#like its just so weird. to release the songs as individual singles and then have them in a playlist ??? idk if theyre gonna like. once#theyre all out then upload them as an album? sry its just like a profoundly stupid way to do it#idk if this is like standard practice for cast recordings ive never like. Followed a broadway show from like. the second it got announced b#<- i dont rly follow it that closely ive just known abt it since it was first announced. and every couple months im like i wonder how 2023#sweeney is... 2023-ney? i could make it work but i dont want to. but basically i think its dumb#they obviously have them all. made. right. i cant imagine theyre just uploading them As they finish with them . this isnt youtube girlie..#and if they r just uploading them as they finish them Legit id rather just wait for the full album to be done and then upload them all at#once. LOL. if this is meant to be building up hype its dumb as fuck bc its doing the opposite 4 me. i literally forget abt 2023 cast for#months at a time and then im like I wonder if the full recordings out yet and i check and theyve only uploaded like 2 more songs and im lik#well ok. and then i forget for another 2 months#they also just didnt upload any in july.. i dont get it at all LOL
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bitches prolly out here psychoanalyzing my old art on behalf of my abuser to cushion their belief that im a Horrible Person but then dont see the irony when I point out the shitty things my abuser has drawn and how I see it as clear evidence of their mindset and beliefs (of what's okay to do and how to treat people) descending and pairing that along with everything else they've done and it paints a clear picture of how this person got to the point of thinking it was okay to abuse me the way they did and then the people looking for reasons to hate me through my art will act like "they're just drawings !!!" about their art. which one is it. does someones art say something about them or not? or does it only say something about them if you hate them?
#personally I think me making fun of a douchey type of dude is less bad than drawing 'rape is fun' but yknow#ig I can just weigh the gravity of how bad each thing is accurately idk#vent#'yeah but you started to identify with the douche bag character !!' well- even before i realized I wanted to be him- the plot was#already that he was going to grow out of being a dick. him and mj were going to help eachother realize their flaws and become better#to eachother and everyone else. so by the time i DID realize I wanted to be a guy I already had in mind the mature version of him#floating around but I didn't really post about it bc I didn't want to spoil anything at the time#and it took me a LONG TIME to accept that I wanted to be snake. I was trans before that. and then when I was close to accepting it#I had that whole 'lsd' thing that made me slink back into my shell bc the people I was around made me feel like I would never be a guy#so instead I figured if I couldn't be snake then the next best thing was to be *with* him and started to self ship myself w him and he#evolved even more into an even more mature version of him that by the time I got out on the other side of feeling like I couldn't#be a guy I had this more serious and mature version of him in my mind and started to accept that I wanted to be him and basically was him#and just didn't know bc that version of snake was more like me than the one I made in 2013/14#in 2013/14 I was only ever considering my comic in the context of some sort of comedy and just wanted to make a douchey character#to make fun of bc I had a lot of douchey people in my life who I felt like needed to be knocked down a peg and I figured the best way#to do that was to make an example out of them via the old version of snake and have him be an overly confident asshole whos hubris#often gets himself humbled even if hes too prideful to accept or admit it#at this point in time I didn't really see much of myself in any of my ocs. maybe a lil bit in mj and (mostly)peaches bc I didn't know it wa#ok to id with a guy... but even when I did subconsciously id with him here n there...i didnt relate to snakes douchey-ness like at all.#sometimes I jokingly act like a douche but again its for the same reason that I made snake a douche back then in the first place-#to make fun of people like that- to hopefully show them how foolish they are by me mirroring them or. alternatively. making people#laugh at me acting that way because pretending to act like a douche is easier to enjoy and laugh at than dealing w an actual douche#i'd do it with my ex-bestfriend all the time- I made snake such a dick because we'd laugh about it together and bc we wanted to make#fun of the dicks around us who lacked any self awareness and if not that any actual fuck about how lame and shitty they come off#what can I say. it's fun to mock people sometimes.#when I actually started to accept it my first pic I drew of him being obviously trans was in 2016... soo a couple months before I remet#my abuser...#which honestly explains why that whole relationship was so rough on me. I had just finally accepted myself and then this person comes#along and tries to smear me and gaslight me into thinking im Horrible for who I am. like. hello???????#my first time fully being myself was with them and their friend group and they all accepted me until their cult leader told them not to
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I ran out of tag space but oomf had some good notes
smthn easy for today (sorry)
#Kronos is the worst dad no. 1#I remember that fic where he made it obviously that Acronix was unwanted until he found out he's the master of time too š#<- prev tags#prepare for a whole rant that doesnt make sense from me#its not really a hc BUT in my brain the time twins are the first and only time in ninjago history that a power has been used by two people#so when krux was born first... kronos just assumed he was the only one to get time. this is coupled with the fact hes a faster learner than#acronix. so he was the first one to actually present the power of time. i think nix finally did YEARSSS later but until then he was seen as#a bit of a failure... my son who is very smart and has this strong power ... and then my other child who never listens to me and is weak#(acronix having adhd and being treated like a bad child because he presented undesirable traits... yeah)#and because of this there was quite a bit of animosity between the twins. even though they loved each other. nix was very very jealous of#krux for soooo many things. krux was treated better and it wasnt like it was *his* fault .. they were KIDS !!! but when youre a child angry#at the world... its harder to express that anger to the adult causing you harm vs someone on more equal ground to you. if that makes sense#'i will not yell and scream at my warrior father but i will refuse to play games with my brother' . obvs this didnt last forever but yknow#neither of the brothers were really able to be who they wanted to be. they couldnt really express themselves properly. but krux was always#able to mask better than acronix. so a bigggg part of that jealousy is also misunderstanding. like krux isnt happy either but when youre a#child its hard to clock how others feel. idk. and then after nix was discoveres to be a master of time .. straight to the grooming to be#child soldiers !!! the culture 60 years ago in ninjago was veryyy different. during the serpentine war i imagine most of the elemental#masters to be 20 ish ? some in their 30s but they had been elemental masters for basically MOST of their lives#esp wu and garm... they grew up and had to fight and never really had that time to be kids. which is how i like to imagine the time twins#theres a lot of parallels between those 4 and i want to gif their fight bc i realized that nix kept looking to krux like 'what do we do'#time twins are very codependent on each other. wu and garm rapidly aged when they were separated. etc#dont think nix couldve lasted those 40 years without his brother. krux takes big brother leading the way to the next level#3 minutes apart !!! but you wouldnt be able to tell that bc they act years apart. well prior to them actually being years apart#the way krux was piloting the iron doom and nix was the co pilot. the plan to go back to the past. nix just going along with stuff#hes more prone to stick to a plan krux makes than krux is to stick to a plan nix makes ... which is kinda canon#like how krux sent the snaks to destroy the borg store (veering off the plan) vs nix who kindaaa needs his brothers leadership or he'll die#in my version of s7 krux gets sent to the time vortex and then acronix is the one waiting years and years. ALSO FUCKKK smthn i realized :#wu isnt really one to hold a grudge like that and so i find it interesting that he WAITED for acronix at the monastery#like for morro and aspheera . they came to wu. vs wu who came to acronix to finish what the twins started all those years ago#thinking about how the time twins were heroes at one point. thinking about how the ninja didnt recognize them in the painting. thinking abt
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AAAAAAAH I TOUCHED THE MOLD I TOUCHED DIRECTLY ON THE MOLD NOOOOOO
#caw#CUT MY FINGER OFF#nooooo im so germaphobic i genuinely screamed out loud#i dont think anyone heard#those jermaphobe memes temporarily made me confused if i had spelled that correctly#my house my not look like it#its mostly when it comes to food and trash tho#not so much dust altho i still hate it#ahh it was directly on the mold too ;;_;;#washes my hands for a thousand years#why do peaches mold so quickly#i didnt eat peaches for like a year bc the first time i bought some (here in norway where you cant buy them in singles)#they molded immediately and i was like fuck that theyre so expensive#but i bought them recently and they were actually good for a while#ate like two thirds or three fourths? and then didnt eat for a couple days and they molded but thats fair#but i ONLY ATE ONE OF THESE BEFORE THEY MOLDER#THEY DIDNT EVEN RIPE YET#i hate norway so much get me out of this stupid ass country#the mountain view is NOT WORTH IT#dont move to norway#this is a psa#im sorry mr prisonhannibal
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747 words; some lads fluff of caleb praising u bc i deserve it (n so do u) :x
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you trudge your way towards the kitchen, hunger evident after spending almost two hours reading and taking the first quiz of the semester, not even a week into the class.
seriously, what was up with that?
you let out a sigh when a voice rings you out of your thoughts.
"hey, pipsqueak!"
you're greeted by the familiar warm voice that makes any leftover tension in your shoulders ease almost instantly.
before you can respond, only being granted enough time to blink up at him, he speaks up again.
"finally droppin' in to say hi?"
you ignore his tease as you close the short distance, arms spreading to embrace him. he immediately welcomes you, one strong arm encircling your waist and easily pulling you towards his side, other hand preoccupied with the food cooking on the stove.
you nuzzle into the warmth of his side, breathing in his comforting scent, closing your eyes to bask in all that is him.
"m' hungry," you whine against the cloth of his shirt.
"is that all you see me as? your personal chef?"
"yes!" you answer playfully and all too quickly.
in the next second, you jolt, feeling a small slap against your ass.
"hey!"
he only laughs in amusement.
"so mean," you pout. "i was studying so hard, and i'm getting punished? how cruel..." you bury your face into his shirt, playfully sulking against him.
he hums, hand sliding up to your head as he pats your hair, other one using the tool in hand to stir the food in the pan.
"what, you want some praise or something?" he teases, not expecting an actual answer.
"yes," you answer maybe just a touch fast, looking up at him expectantly.
your honesty takes him by surprise for just a moment before a grin between teasing and loving crawls up his lips, setting the utensil down to reach over and turn the stove on low, hands now free to fully focus on you.
he looks down into your bright expectant eyes, all his attention on you, and you feel your heart race just a little bit faster in anticipation.
"you did so well, working so hard just a couple of days in," caleb coos at you, petting your head lovingly, nails lightly tracing at your scalp resembling a massage. he loves the way that satisfied grin creeps up your lips as you practically melt against him as you chase his touch, resembling a cat rubbing up against the affection its receiving from its owner.
his large hands slowly slide down the sides of your face before landing on your warm cheeks, almost engulfing them in his hold, squishing them just slightly and gently rubbing them.
"such a good girl, aren't you?"
the way your eyes slip shut and a sound akin to a pleased mewl escaping you as a response is something that makes his heart stutter in his chest.
even after all this time, you're still so cute to him.
"you must be hungry after working so hard, huh?"
you nod in response, hugging him closer, stealing his warmth almost trying to blanket yourself within it. as one of his hands slides down your back to rub gentle circles into it and the other one up to caress your head, you think you'll be able to fall asleep against him like this.
he chuckles warmly, feeling your body slump against him more and more with each passing minute, face buried into his chest. as much as he wants to stay like this, he doesn't want the freshly made lunch to go cold.
he slips his hand from its place on your back moving it to your shoulder, gently shaking you while the other pats your head twice, just slightly firmer than before. his voice comes out hushed in the gentle atmosphere that surrounds the both of you.
"hey, you don't want the food to get cold now, do you?"
you gently shake your head, and his handā now flat on your headā moves it just enough to make you look back up at him, bleary eyes cracking open to meet his creased sunset ones.
"let me feed my smart baby and then we can nap together, yea? would you like that?"
"mhmm," you hum, giggling when you feel him maneuver your head to make you nod in agreement, almost not giving you a choice (not that you'd ever reject such an offer from caleb).
he smiles at your reaction, eyes dancing with mirth.
"you deserve this, after all. come on," he pats your head one more time, an obvious show of his affection for you for as long as you could remember.
"let's eat now, together."
just as it should be.
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a/n: i just need some physical affection + some praise from him and i'll be easily fulfilled
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#love and deepspace#lads#lnds#l&ds#love and deepspace caleb#lads caleb#lnds caleb#l&ds caleb#love and deepspace x reader#lads x reader#lnds x reader#l&ds x reader#caleb x reader#lads caleb x reader#lnds caleb x reader#l&ds caleb x reader#love and deepspace imagine#lads imagine#lnds imagines#caleb imagine
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