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smoothpowerforthestreets · 2 years ago

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🌟🌹💖DATING ADVICE FOR GIRLS OR FEMENINE ENERGY💖🌹🌟

Hello! The other day I had a very interesting discussion about dating life with my friends, we were sharing a lot of interesting opinions but there was one friend who is currently in a relationship who told us something that made us silent and side eyeing each other (in a concerned way, not in a bitchy way).

That's why I decided to make a post with dating and relationship advice, I noticed that these type of things is better learn them before getting in a relationship because when there's already an emotional connection people usually tend to deny that is toxic behaviour.

We were talking about the most important things to look for in a man or someone with masculine energy and we agreed that patience and respect are non-negotiables, even when tense arguing.

We were agreeing saying things like: I could never be with someone who screams, insults or is not empathic. And this friend said: gosh I wish I had your peaceful nature, X and I always scream and spit venom (insult) to each other when arguing.

That's when we were surprised in a concerned way, we tried to talk to her very calmly telling her that type of behaviour is not healthy neither for his part or hers. Screaming and insults while arguing are a type of DISRESPECT. But she was like: nah it's alright it's completely normal we always do it, we could never be like you say. Then she refused to listen anymore and changed the subject. (we still are concerned 'cause she talks about it like it's totally normal and no big deal)

Without furder ado... Here are my dating and relationship advice:

Pay attention to the red flags! 👀 Don't expect someone to change and girl... don't even think about changing them. You deserve a whole and already grown up man.

Don't 👏 chase 👏 him 👏. If he really wants you he'll do the pursuing. If he doesn't, that means he doesn't really want you and just enjoys the attention you give him for his own benefit. Let him pursue you, let him call you, let him take the iniciative... If he doesn't, HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU AND YOU ARE NOT GOING TO CHASE SOMEONE THAT DOESN'T LIKE YOU BECAUSE IT'S PATHETIC. The only thing you can do is let him know in a subtle way that you like him and then step back and see if he acts on it.

Be clear about what do you want💍: do you want marriage? do you want kids? do you want to live in the city or country side? Your special person has to share those things in common with you, otherwise you'll have conflict about those things and it will lead to break up. BELIEVE ME. If you want marriage but he doesn't, DO NOT try to convince him or wait him to change, because you only have to options: he'll marry you out of pressure which eventually will make him to resent you or you'll wait forever for something that is not going to come. Remember those are the type of things you want to discover on the first dates and if you don't want the same things in life, then stop there: "Thank you for the good time, but we're looking for different things and it's better to go on separate ways in order to find someone who fits what we're looking for. It's been wonderful meeting you and I'm pretty sure you'll find someone who shares the same goals as you."

Set boundaries and apply them 👑. For example: I do not like to be texted or called while I'm with friends, at work or whatever I'm busy with (except for emergencies obv). I mean, he can text me asking to meet me later and I'll answer whenever I can but I hate when people try to start a conversation while I'm busy. He can expect the same from me, I'm not going to text or call him if he's busy. OF COURSE I let him know if I'm busy and I expect the same from him, I used tell him this: "I'm letting you know that I'm going to be busy with work/with friends for the next x hours, so if I don't answer it's because I'm busy not because I do not want to talk to you. But I'll call you once I'm finished!" It's a personal example of one of my boundaries. You set yours.

This may be controversial but make him wait. Don't have sex with him on the first dates. Get to know him and let trust grow first, make sure that he's someone worthy of having an intimate moment. Sex is a beautiful and intimate moment which you shouldn't give it to anyone. I didn't have sex until we were official and talked about our likes or dislikes (if he talks about sex on the first dates🚩). I talked about this topic with some male friends and they all said that if they really like the girl they don't care about the waiting. They even told me that when they really like the girl at first they don't even see her in a sexual way. So if you feel that you have to have sex to make him like you, girl he's not the one.

Choose someone who could handle kids even if you don't want to. It's a really good tip that made me realize that if someone treats me always with love, patience, respect and empathy, will treat the same way to an innocent life like a kid or an animal. If he loses his temper while arguing then I can't trust him nor with kids or animals.

Relationships require time and patience to build trust, getting to know him, etc. So be aware of love bombing😈, you can't love someone you don't know.

I personally would never forgive cheating and I advice the same for everyone. Never forgive cheating.❌❌❌❌

3 MONTHS RULE: if he doesn't make it official after 3 months, DROP HIM. 🙅🙅🙅🙅🙅 (and I think 3 months it's too much, I used set my limit at 2).

Never date a man who recently has been through a break up. He's most likely to ghost👻 you or use you as a rebound🤡. I usually advice that he has to be in no contact with her ex and at least half of the relationship single. For example: if he was in a relationship of 2 years, he must have been at least 1 year single.

DON'T BE A COOL PICK ME GIRL. If you present yourself as a cool girl who doesn't need gifts, flowers, blablablabla, he'll never do it. He'll be confused as hell when you expect him to. Don't be afraid to show your expectations even if it sounds corny.

These may be controversial too but these are the redflags from my experience: 🚩doesn't pay the first date🚩, 🚩doesn't have a good job🚩, 🚩not ambitious🚩,🚩if he doesn't pick you up or take you back to your doorstep🚩. Don't get me wrong, someone can be a full time student or being on a temporarily job while looking for a better one. But the fact that he is working on a job he hates and is not actively looking for the better job is a redflag for me. That's why I think it goes hand by hand with being ambitious. I have studied and worked my ass off to have the future I desired, I want someone who can keep up with me.

If he disrespects you once it's his fault, he does it twice it's your fault.

I can't think of anything more right now, but if I come up with something I'll add it. If you need any personal advice feel free to tell me, you can dm me or ask me in anonymous.

You can disagree with me but do it from a respectful place or I'll block you. 🤭

BE SAFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#manifest #self concept #self love #spiritual journey #spiritual knowledge #manifesting #femenine energy #energy #focus #girl advice #relationship advice #dating advice #healthy relationships #dating #girly advice #beauty #beautiful women #womenempowerment

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rainbowsky · 2 years ago

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Hi rainbowsky,

Up to you to publish this or not, but I told my mom that I am a fan of DD and she's been trying to tear him down for some reason? Probably based off of anti stuff she reads on the Chinese internet since she doesnt follow him. Since I talked about it she told me about an article her friend linked to her where they wrote that he only acts with one expression, and recently she has been going off about the fake pregnancy "scandal" and when I told her that DD always treats women with respect she responded with "he's just pretending, you never know what people are like behind closed doors". It really gets me down that she keeps trying to discredit him knowing that I like him. Why would she do that?

Hi dianaprincessownsmyass!

Is your mother a GG fan, by any chance? 😅

I'm really sorry you're having to deal with this behavior from your mother. It would be nice if she could at least set aside her negativity to support you in something you enjoy. But then, she might be feeling protective of you as a fan of someone she hates, and trying to convert you away from him. Still, it's got to feel really bad and I'm sorry to hear it.

She's also human, despite being your mother, and just as prone to all the same behaviors anyone else is prone to. She might just really hate DD that much, or be that duped by the information she's seeing. Unfortunately a lot of people never learned critical thinking skills and are unable to evaluate claims or don't even think to, they just take things at face value.

It's interesting because I answered a really similar question a while back about a mother who was taken in by claims about GG. It seems you're not alone in dealing with this! Anon from the previous ask, if you're reading this maybe reach out to dianaprincessownsmyass if you have any tips on dealing with it, or even if you two just want to bond over having gullible mothers! 😅

If your mother is a fan of GG, or spends a lot of time around fans of GG, then she will be getting brainwashed constantly by toxic shrimps, because they love nothing more than to try to tear DD down. Never underestimate the depth of hate GG and DD's fans often have for each other's artist.

In any case, her behavior is hurtful, and she shouldn't be doing it.

Have you tried talking to her and asking her why she does it?

I wouldn't recommend debating her about whether DD is all the evil things she thinks he is. There's that old saying, "Never try to reason someone out of a belief they didn't arrive at through rational means." Proof, logic, rational thought - none of these things are likely to make a dent in her views, because they don't appear to be criteria she valued when forming them.

Better to focus on your relationship with her than on anything about DD. If you have the sort of relationship where you can talk about feelings, you could ask her why she'd want to say things that hurt you. She might not be fully aware of how it's making you feel.

If that's not something you feel safe to do (some mothers just don't do 'feelings') then I'd recommend making the topic 'off limits'. If you set that boundary with her and stick to it, then at least you won't have to deal with that behavior anymore. Since it's a topic that's really not integral to your relationship - it's not something personal about the two of you - you might be able to avoid the subject without impairing your relationship.

There are some people who I really love and have a good relationship with, but who I just can't talk to about certain things. They know not to bring the subject up, and if it does come up we change the subject. Sometimes that's the only way to find harmony.

If all else fails you can try to appeal to her motherly guilt and affection - shamelessly if need be - to get her to stop being so hurtful.

Most important; please remember that what she is saying and doing has nothing to do with you. It's about her and her own feelings, biases, baggage and attitudes. Try not to take it too personally.

Good luck. I hope you're able to work something out with her! Just remember that you've always got turtles here to support you. 🫂

I have a previous post that's somewhat related here.

#bxg perspectives #fandom relfections #ask

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growandrecover · 3 years ago

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struggling in ed recovery?

pt. 2 here

your weight does not define you. let me say it again, your weight does not define you. if you're saying something different, nope. it does not. next thing.

the food you eat does not have any moral value. eating a pizza does not make you a bad person. eating a salad does not make you a good person. it's food, it has no moral value at all, whatsoever. you're the same person regardless of if you eat cake or fruit for a snack.

not fitting into your clothes does not make you a failure. (if you have a recovery where you're losing weight- per doctor's orders, etc.- your old clothes being too big does not mean past you was a failure.) so if you need to go buy new clothes because your old stuff is either too small or too big, that does not hold any kind of personal value, okay? they're clothes, they're meant to fit our bodies, we are not meant to fit into them.

if someone has said something to you about the way you look now, please just know that they are most likely uneducated about eds and are (hopefully) not meaning to hurt your feelings. that said, correct them if you want to, but also know that it is not your job to do so if you don't want to.

going off that last point, I was taught by my recovery team that it is very important to set boundaries with anyone who may make a comment on what you're eating or how you look. for example, you could say, "hey, I'm in recovery from something (you don't have to be specific if it makes you uncomfortable) and I would really appreciate it if you didn't say anything to me about my body or what I'm eating." or "I'm not really comfortable talking about that, can we change the subject?" and anything else you may want to say.

satisfy your cravings. craving ice cream is not bad. if your body is telling you that it wants ice cream, eat some ice cream. in recovery you need to establish with your mind and body that you can now eat without restrictions, and should allow yourself whatever you're craving.

and lastly, I wish someone would have said this to me: eat whatever you want. literally, I mean it. your body is going through a confusing time, and even if you've been in recovery for months, it still could think you're going to go back to your old habits. so enjoy what you eat. :)

as always, if you need to talk, you can send me an ask or message me <3

#ed recovery #mental heath support #ed recovery tips #mental illness #body posititivity #mental health #recovery #food positivity #pro recovery #ana recovery #bed recovery #mia recovery

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msariesmoon · 4 years ago

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Your Mars Sign

(Credit to Julia McCArthy’s The Stars Within You book)

So what exactly is our Mars sign? Mars is considered an inner planet, meaning planets closest to Earth. These planets help us shape our basic personality. Mercury is our mind and how we speak, Venus is our creativity, love language, and our values, and Mars is our drive, passions, temperament, and sexuality. Mars is a masculine planet and masculine planets represent our physical energy.

Aries: Aries Mars individuals know exactly what they want and won’t hesitate when it comes to taking action. They’re blessed with the gift of being bold and courageous. While they may be quick to know what it is they want, they are also very quick to change their minds about whatever it is they were pursuing originally. Aries Mars are also known to be impulsive and have a short fuse when it comes to getting angry. It’s important that they practice restraint and mindfulness, also they would excel in sports with all the energy they have.

Taurus: Taurus Mars individuals are able to take their time when it comes to going after what it is they want. They find beauty in moving slow which is where the stereotype of Taurus placements being lazy comes in. Taurus Mars placements are blessed with the gift of manifestation due to them valuing the process of taking their time and they usually want to manifest something worth a lot of money (luxury items and anything that can stimulate their physical desires.) Taurus Mars individuals need to work on not being so stubborn in arguments. Them bottling in every motion can lead to an explosive argumentative episode in the end.

Gemini: Gemini Mars placements not only love to share their thoughts but they also love to debate. In fact, they are gifted with the skill of debating. These individuals are quite curious and could possibly make good teachers and writers if they ever wanted to pursue that route. Gemini Mars individuals need their mind stimulated and they will also be able to do the same for you. Gemini Mars placements need to find healthy ways to distract themselves from their overactive mind. They could do this by developing a routine, painting, running, etc. Overthinking can lead to anxiety if they aren’t careful.

Cancer: Blessed with the gifts of being deeply sensitive, intuitive, and nurturing, these individuals can easily persuade someone to do something because of their “soft” charm. This is because they have the power to adjust to the energy around them, therefore making it easy for them to influence others. Due to their sensitivity around other people, this can also make them become moody very fast. They tend to snap easily and become very irritable. Cancer Mars placements also struggle with getting over people due to struggling with codependency. When Cancer Mars placements are doing anything revolving energy work, it helps them stay grounded.

Leo: Leo Mars individuals have very magnetic souls. Sometimes they can be a bit dramatic but they have the gift of achieving large goals due to their determination and directness. Leo Mars placements thrive when they are able to express themselves creatively whether that be through music or poetry. They can be fun to be around but sometimes they can be a little too self centered and arrogant to an extent. Them being overly dramatic can lead to jealousy in a lot of situations.

Virgo: Virgo Mars individuals are very hands on and extreme planners. These individuals are blessed with the gifts of integrity and being able to notice very small details in any situation. These skills would be perfect for someone wanting to go into the healthcare industry, even social work. Virgo Mars individuals are also very health oriented and are very selfless not only with lovers but with anyone around them. Them having the ability to pay attention to detail helps them reach their desires and goals easily. Virgo Mars placements need to invest in activities that help them release tension from the nervous system. They need to be mindful that they can easily become too perfectional. Also, Virgo Mars placements need to work on seeing the bigger picture more and having a more imaginative mind.

Libra: Libra Mars individuals can be angered easily. This may come as quite of a shock to people if they don’t realize that their sister sign is Aries. Libra Mars individuals struggle with the need for approval and validation. They love luxurious items and vulgarity is a major turn off with them. Libra Mars individuals are driven by aesthetics and move very gracefully, much like Taureans. These individuals also thrive best in a setting that is very luxurious. Libra Mars individuals have the gift of considering both sides carefully before agreeing with someone or taking action. However, this can make them very indecisive and very lazy. They need to work on the ability to face confrontation.

Scorpio: Scorpio Mars individuals are what you would consider dare devils. They are driven by danger and mystery and tend to be obsessive when it comes to going after what they want. These individuals are independent and fixated on getting what it is they desire. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING can get in their way of achieving something. These individuals can also struggle with being overly obsessive, controlling, jealous, and resentful, leading to an explosive episode in the future. Their powerful auras can help them work in the public and they have the gift of a very vivid imagination. These individuals would thrive in artistic environments.

Sagittarius: Sagittarius Mars individuals are very adventurous and enthusiastic. They constantly need to be doing something while also trying something new in the process. They rarely, if ever stick to the same thing. These individuals can easily become reckless and impulsive due to them lacking practicality sometimes. Sagittarius Mars individuals tend to be drawn to anything related to spirituality, including Yoga and Buddhism. In order for these individuals to be satisfied, they need freedom, laughter, and constant variation.

Capricorn: Capricorn Mars individuals are steady and grounded when it comes to their accomplishments. These individuals do tend to lack emotion and often have a fear of asking for help/being vulnerable. Their ability to move steady and take their time helps them succeed and gain recognition in the future. Capricorn Mars individuals do need to avoid overworking themselves and being too cautious. They tend to get a little too comfortable in the situation they’re in yet still attempt to tell themselves that they aren’t doing enough in the process. Taking risks and understanding that it’s okay to be emotional will help these individuals thrive even more. They’d make great comedians if they wanted to pursue that route.

Aquarius: Aquarius Mars Individuals thrive off of expressing what is on their mind. The truth is, they’re always talking to themselves and they need someone to be able to express their ideas and conspiracies to. This, however, can also be one of their weaknesses. They tend to be very close minded when it comes to hearing an opposing viewpoint and can struggle with backing up their original idea due to not knowing too much about the subject. These individuals are very open minded when it comes to trying new things and will do anything that society may deem as “weird” or “unacceptable.” They definitely have the gift of being stable and patient when they’re with the right people.

Pisces: Pisces Mars individuals thrive off of fantasy and imagination. Many musicians and other creative individuals tend to have this placement as well. Them being very emotional can get in the way of them being practical. They also need a lot of alone time due to them being sensitive around energy and need to put a lot of their energy into creative projects. Boundaries are important for these individuals otherwise they can become distant and resentful due to them putting their all in another individual.

#astrology #astro notes

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deepperplexity · 4 years ago

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Black Clouds

Title: Black Clouds

Request: Hi! I just wanna start off by saying i love you’re writing ❤️ I was wondering if you could write a snape x fem reader where the reader is thinking about committing suicide because she feels like she's not worthy of living and she believes that he could have someone better and Sev notice that something is wrong and uses legilimency to find out the issue because she doesn't want to open up with anyone and he's shocked by what he sees and tries to help her. I'm sorry if that's too specific and if you don't feel like writing it, don't worry ❤️

A/N: First of all, before I say anything about this request, I want to tell EVERYONE who feels suicidal to find and ask for help. YOU ARE NOT UNWORTHY OF LIFE. This request hits home for me and I was deliberating if I should write this or not as it’s such a sensitive subject for me personally. But, that’s actually all the more reason to write it. Suicide is a hush-hush subject in society when it really should not be - this is something we ALL need to talk about and we ALL need to make sure that everyone feels safe enough to ask for help. And, as you all know by now, I am all for writing about sensitive/taboo subjects that need to be addressed more.

Secondly, if you are suicidal or harm yourself in any way - THAT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE LESS WORTHY. You are worth all happiness, help, support and care in the world - you have a place in this world and it is ever-changing. What is today may be different tomorrow, what happened yesterday may impact what happens the day after tomorrow. There is always a new dawn to meet and a new sunset to cherish. If you are reading this, you are alive and fighting - go you! Like, seriously, it is fucking hard to be alive in this world but you are doing it! You are fighting, even on bad days, you are fighting and winning! Thank you for being here, thank you for staying with us, thank you for gracing the world with your presence and life! ❤️

As I mentioned this hits home and I will do my best to do this request justice as it is so damn important. I do want to mention this is fiction and I do not personally stand behind all the things that characters do even if I write it. Characters have their own will and sometimes that overrules my will as a writer (also, sometimes it’s just needed to get a good story). To intrude in one’s mind is not something I find to be a good thing - but as my loyal readers already know its a thing I use often because its fun to write and Severus just wants to bloody do it all the time; that man as no sense of privacy boundaries when it comes to others, let me tell you… So just keep this in mind whenever you read fiction - just because someone wrote it does not mean it is something they stand behind or condone. If that were the case the world would be way more bonkers - just think of all the murders and rape and war and devilry stuff authors write about O.O

+A/N: I was writing with a female reader in mind but as I edited this I noticed nothing actually states that it is a female so the reader is GN - I hope Nonny doesn’t mind.

Pairing: Snape x Reader

Setting: Post Second War, Spring 2003, Your home at Rosewood Hill

Word count: 3540

Warnings: Suicidal thoughts, Angst, (Age Difference), Fluff, Mental Health, PTSD, Anxiety, Emotional Rollercoaster, Kissing...

Prologue:

You, like many others who had survived the horrible battle at Hogwarts in 1998, suffered from a series of illnesses. Survivors guilt, depression, anxiety, panic attacks and lately the thoughts had begun to overwhelm you. Collectively one could call it severe PTSD but to simply group all the different emotions and disorders like that simplified it a bit too much. Some parts were PTSD, of course, but some things had haunted you long before the battle. Like your struggle with self-worth, your anxiety and the intrusive thoughts that popped up more often than not. The fact that you had been mere 19 years old when you fought for life, justice and all things good probably made the experience even harder to handle.

Fortunately for you, something good had come from the war. Love. Your previous professor, Severus Snape, had been severely injured - actually, he had been at death's doorstep - but pulled through after several months of care where you as a nurse partook in his recovery daily. He made a full recovery under yours and others care and once he was free to leave the hospital he had asked you out on a date. You had accepted happily and then everything just sort of happened. You fell in love, got married, moved to Rosewood Hill and renovated a rundown house together as money was tight - but it all turned out quite good in the end. Well, except the fact that things weren’t good. Not at all…

Masterlist page // Masterlist post // AO3

You had been unable to sleep in the early hours of the morning. Flashes of memories and the sound of screaming paired with falling bodies kept you company. It had gotten worse since Christmas four months ago. That was when it had snowballed out of control completely. You blinked and sighed before you carefully left the bed, and Severus, behind to get some coffee as you tried to keep the intruding thoughts at bay.

Lately, despite all the love and happiness in your life, you had been feeling less and less worthy. Of life, of Severus, of everything. You did your best to hide how you felt. You smiled, you laughed, you baked and cleaned, did all of your hobbies and made sure Severus wouldn’t see how you were hurting inside. Made sure he wouldn’t notice how tormented you were by the mere fact you were alive.

He had enough to deal with, he was so strong that it nearly brought tears to your eyes. He had been through pure hell. Had struggled and fought with all his might year after year while he was hurting, so deeply. You couldn’t fathom how he did it, how he survived and lived on. How he could stand it all. All the thoughts and emotions. Everything. What you felt simply couldn’t be anything to measure with against what he must have felt for so long. It pained you that your thoughts were so selfish, that you had such pain and hurt inside of you when he had a stronger right to claim such emotions. Weakling, worthless, unuseful piece of garbage...

The coffee burned its way down your throat and you winched slightly. “Careful, love,” the gruff voice of your husband echoed out. It startled you as he always slept late and the sun wasn’t even up yet. You smiled at him as you tried to arrange your face into a happy one. He arched a brow at you and you chirped out a ‘good morning, honey’ to him. He grumbled at you, “no morning is good before nine.” You simply laughed at him as he grabbed a giant mug and poured it full with black coffee.

“Why are you up so early?” He grumbled after a few sips, you shrugged and cradled your own cup of coffee in your hands. “I just couldn’t sleep, figured I’d get a headstart on the day,” you smiled out and he huffed. “You’re mad,” he grumbled and you shrugged again. “Why are you up?” “You left, the bed felt empty.” You smiled at him but couldn’t help the piercing thought that he would sleep better if you weren’t by his side at all.

You snuggled up on the couch with a thick book, something to escape into. Something to cradle and lose yourself in for a few hours as Saturday passed by ever so slowly. You didn’t notice that Severus took up a place right beside you before he placed your legs over his own with gentle movements. He made sure the blanket covered your feet and then held a steady grip around your calves. You glanced up at him from the book with a smile etched to your lips. He arched a brow at you.

“What?” you asked quizzically, his hands squeezed your leg for a moment before you felt his tender fingers stroke back and forth. “That is the question I would like to ask you, love.” You raised your brows ever so slightly before you closed the book. “What do you mean?” “What’s wrong, love?” he asked in a hushed tone and you smiled reassuringly at him. “Nothing’s wrong,” you said, “why would anything be wrong, darling?”

Severus looked at you for a moment before he let out a small breath through his nose. His eyes left yours as he looked down at his hands placed on your legs. They were rough and pale, they were hands that you loved. “Do not lie to me, (y/n). Something is wrong. You are, not yourself anymore. Tell me,” he said gently yet firmly. You smiled wider before you placed your hand on his forearm. “Darling, nothing is wrong, I promise. I’m fine and happy, I have you.”

For a long moment, there was nothing but silence and you felt as if your plastered smile might have failed you at any moment when he finally looked at you. “Love, do not lie, it does not suit you. Just, tell me.” You patted his arm as thoughts raced through your mind, wondering how you could reassure him he did not have to deal with your shit when he probably had so much to deal with from his own thoughts already.

“Darling, come here,” you said and he leaned towards you. You stroked away one side of his black hair and hooked it behind his cute ear before you gently caressed his cheek and kissed his lips tenderly. I will not fail you, was the one thought that spun through your mind over and over as you tasted him. “Everything is great,” you whispered as you broke the kiss, “I’ll go make some tea for us. You seem a bit tense.” He nodded at you but there was sadness in his eyes that you could not ignore even if you stood and walked out to the kitchen.

Your hands were shaking as you poured water into the kettle. The cups rattled as you placed them on saucers. Your breathing faltered over and over as you tried to calm your heart. Too close, too close, too close, you thought as you placed tea bags in the cups. I need to do better, he can’t see, I can’t worry him. He’s got too much of his own stuff to deal with, I can’t be a burden to him. I don’t want to burden him anymore…

A small, glinting tear rolled down your cheek as you bit your lip to keep a sob at bay just as the kettle screamed. The water swirled as you poured it, stained by the tea in a gentle pattern before it all gained the same deep colour and you felt as if you yourself had been stained a deeper, darker colour throughout the depths of your heart.

You had avoided him a tad after the tea. You busied yourself with laundry, cleaning, changing sheets on the bed and dusting. Not until evening came and Severus had set the table with a divinely smelling dinner were you forced to be still and in close proximity to him. Now, some might have thought this was just because you didn’t want him to notice it all, see it all, know it all. But no, no that was not the reason you had avoided him. At least not completely.

You wanted to tell him, talk to him, get help. Or something along those lines. At the same time, you felt shame, pain and an array of doubt as to how he would react but also regarding your infliction of pain through verbally admitting what you felt to the one you loved so deeply. The storm inside you that was black clouds of endless dust that howled about your insignificant worth made you feel horrible in every way. Yet, the one thing you did not want was to hurt him. Drag him into the storm. Pain him with your selfish thoughts when you knew, knew what he had been through - for years .

I have no right. No right to feel like this. I should be happy. Should be grateful. I’m alive, I have a home, a man who loves me and the world is safe again. I know I should feel all these things. Should be filled with love and joy. He survived, we found each other. Yet, he is just so damn much and I’m just, not worthy of any of it...

“(Y/n), talk to me,” he said all of a sudden as he put down his cutlery. You lifted your head, allowed your eyes to meet his and tugged your lips up into a smile. “Darling, I don’t understand what you’re going on about. I’m fine, everything is good. I’m good.” “You are not good!” The sudden change of his tone startled you for a second. His gaze was intense and penetrating. As if he looked through you. You gasped as you felt his intrusion in your mind and you had no chance of blocking him out.

He saw everything. Every little thing that you had desperately tried to hide from him. The hurt, the doubt, the horrors of your mind that filled your days with anxiety and sorrow. He slithered through your mind with such power and speed you barely had a chance at breathing as your mind raced with thoughts you had wanted to hide. But, it is as they say. If someone says ‘do not think of an elephant’, what do you think of? An elephant. And that elephant was all of your fears combined with all of the pain.

His eyes watered and you stood with such speed that the chair toppled. “Severus-” you breathed out with a mixture of emotions that were nothing but bad. Your lip quivered as tears rolled down your cheeks before you dashed out of the kitchen and ran towards the bathroom. You closed and locked the door a mere second before he pulled at the handle. “(Y/n). Open the door,” he said with a slight shake to his voice. But you simply curled up in the tub and hugged your legs, your knees against your forehead as tears wet your clothes and skin.

He banged at the door, twice, and you shivered. He saw it, he saw it, he’ll hate me, he’ll be furious with me. I have no right to feel this, I’m not worthy of, anything… The fear of him feeling such things towards you made you nauseous and afraid. “Please, love, open the door. Let me in,” he said through the wood that separated you. But you didn’t move. Then a click was heard and he had used the unlocking spell to let himself in. You hugged your knees tighter. Buried your head with more force as you tried to stop the sobbing that wanted to crawl its way out of your mouth from the depths of your chest.

You felt his hand on your back as you heard the ruffling of fabric as he lowered himself beside the tub. “Love, please,” he whispered and pain was evident in his voice. You curled up further, as much as you could. I hurt him. I hurt him just like everyone else has done. You’d be better off without me, I know you would. I’m such a fucking coward, why haven’t I just- just- just ended it?! I’m not worthy of breathing the same air as you. I should have died. I should have died with the others. Someone else should have lived, I should have died in that war. “Love, don’t.”

It was too late when you felt his presence in your mind as your dark thoughts buried you in such cold depths you barely registered that he lifted you out of the tub. His arms wrapped beneath and around you. His thin lips pressed themselves against your head and you let go of the clawing sob. It escaped through your quivering lips and Severus tensed.

“Love, you are my everything. My whole world. You, are the very reason that I am living. You are-” “Unworthy of your love,” you breathed out in a hushed whisper. To say the words out loud felt as if someone drove a piping hot branding iron down your throat. “It is I who is unworthy of you ,” he whispered against the top of your head as he sunk to the floor and cradled you, “I should have seen, noticed, I should have been there for you like you have always been for me. I am so sorry, love.”

Had this been one of those stupid romance novels I would have been all smiles and happy by now. To hear you say that. I would have been cured of these feelings. But apparently, life is not like that… The thoughts and feelings you had had for so long had not lessened in any way. Had not disappeared just because of his adoring words. They were as strong as ever. But now, now there was also the pain of having hurt him and made him feel unworthy or lesser. It was agony and you had no way to deal with it other than to cry.

Darkness had fallen long before you finally stopped crying. Everything in your body ached and you knew Severus was stiff and sore from the odd position on the hard floor, with you in his lap. “I am so sorry, love,” he whispered for the umpteenth time. “I’m tired,” you whispered back as your mind kept spinning with all the things you had tried to bury. To hide. Things from before the war and after the war. Life, death, loss and gain. “Let’s get you to bed,” he simply said and the thunder in his voice felt subdued. A mere distant rumble and it made you feel strange.

He rose with you in his arms, carefully cradled as if you would break with any hasty motion. You felt the stiffness in his movements, yet he didn’t say a word about it. He simply carried you through the hallway and placed you on the bed with gentleness. You turned and laid on your side as your mind echoed the words ‘insignificant, worthless, unbearable’ over and over and over as Severus pulled the cover up over you. “I’m so sorry, love,” he whispered before he kissed your head, “I will help you, in any way I can. Please don’t, don’t leave me...”

The room was silent after those words and a moment later you heard him take a shuddering breath before he left. You were alone. In that moment, something desperate clawed in you. A fearful thought crossed your mind and pain travelled through your veins as if they were freezing with an ice-cold breath. He’ll leave me now, he’ll see that I’m not worth anything. That, that he is better off without me. Strangely enough, that scared you. Even if it had been the very epicentre of your dark thoughts and agonizing pain lately it was different now. He knew now. Perhaps it was the end and all you had feared was actually true? That you meant nothing, was worth nothing. Nothing at all.

You shivered, turned to lay on your back and grabbed the cover to take it off but at that moment the door opened. You turned your head only to see a broken man in the doorway. His eyes glinted with unshed tears and his shoulders slumped. He looked nothing like your Severus. Nothing at all like the powerful and strong man you had fallen for.

“I will never leave you. I love you, (y/n).” You looked at him as the words vibrated through you in a low tone. “I would have been dead if it were not for you,” he continued and the words elicited a gasp from you. You could not even fathom the idea of a world without Severus. Such a place couldn’t even exist in your wildest fantasies. He was everything. “A world without you, would be worthless and empty. You are everything to me and I want to keep you forever, here, with me. No matter how selfish that may be, I need you with me. Or I shall perish.”

Your heart fluttered with a need for his love as his words landed somewhere in the darkest parts of your mind. The parts where screams and falling bodies lingered. The part where dark clouds of dust swirled with sorrow and pain. The part where no dawning light had shined for years. There his words landed, settled. A small crack in the clouds allowed a single ray of sunshine to come through as gentle words of thankfulness for all who had survived could be heard, even if they were muffled by distant memory and buried beneath all the bad things.

You removed the cover and sat up slowly. As your feet touched the carpet something jolted in you. You ran towards him, slammed your body into his so harshly that he took a staggering step back as his arms wrapped themselves around you with such haste you were nearly surprised. “Please, love, please. Stay and go through this with me. Together,” he breathed out and you nodded as new tears leaked from your eyes. “I will-, will try…” It was the only kind of thing you could say as you clung to that tiny sliver of light in the depths of the darkness. That tiny little ray of warmth that was your beloved and his love for you.

Epilogue:

It had been nearly six months. For six months he had guarded you, tended to you, helped you through the pain and anxiety attacks too many times to count. He had cred, you had cried and several times it felt hopeless. As if nothing would ever change the darkness that clung to you on the inside, in the depths of your mind.

But he had encouraged you, supported you, helped you in all ways possible. Even on days when you wanted to run away from it all and give up, he made sure you could see light and feel warmth. He had confided in you as well. His fear of losing you, his pain in seeing you turn into someone he did not know, the anguish of not knowing and not being able to help. The horror that had raked through him each time you had shut him out with lies of how great and good everything was. His fear that he was not enough for you, that he was not what you wanted.

But now, after months of hard work, tears, open communication and desperate attempts at surviving through it all you felt lighter. The dark clouds of dust were nearly gone as light bathed most of your inner self; a warmth spread like the gentle breeze of a summer night. It was thanks to him, to your beloved, and your own hard work. Your own strength and determination to not yield and succumb to the darkness. Even on days when it was most tempting to escape it all swiftly.

You had fought. Struggled. Won battle after battle. Some battles were lost but the war was being won, one fight at a time. You did that. You fought on and conquered the pain, the sorrow and despair. The abysmal voice that echoed horrendous words of unworthiness and shame had nearly been silenced and replaced with a growling noise of power and love. His voice, his sound, it saved you time and time again as you allowed love to actually unfold and be a part of your life. As you allowed yourself to be alive even if you were not always sure you should be.

You did not give those thoughts more than a swift glance as they passed by in your mind. They were not worthy of your emotional investment. They were false and wrong. You would not succumb to them no matter what as you had finally found your will to live accompanied by a need to do so happily - despite everything your mind had whispered, you were worthy. You just needed help to break free of the darkness and see yourself for the worthy person that you would always be. No matter what, you would always be worthy of life.

Masterlist page // Masterlist post // AO3

A/N: I want to say thank you to the Nonny who sent this request and I want to yet again remind everyone that you are worthy of all good things and being suicidal or harming yourself does not take that away! If you are harming yourself or have suicidal thoughts, find and ask for help! You are worth it, worthy of help and of life! Thank you for being here with us. ❤️

Taglist: @lizlil @snapefiction @darkthought15 @monstreviolet @flowerdementia @marvelschriss @simpforsnape @once-upon-an-imagine @ravennight41 @morphineisouthoney @setsuna-meiou31 @meteoritewolf69 @bionic-otp @elizabeth-baelish

Want to be tagged? 💚 You can tag yourself HERE! Or tell me and I’ll gladly tag you! 😍

[Feb:2021]

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mbti-notes · 3 years ago

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Anon wrote: Hi. I hope you had/are having a great summer break. I (INTP) am hoping for some perspective about an issue. Recently, my mother, whom I hadn’t seen in a while, became incredibly frustrated that I corrected her with an alleged “I know everything” attitude.

It’s an issue of concern because she revealed that I always do this. I guess this was the straw that broke it, especially given that what we were discussing was very trivial. (Maybe the frivolousness of the subject is precisely what made my correction seem more pedantic, unnecessary, arrogant.) She says that my attitude disregards her long life experience, and that if she were a stranger, she would think of me as a “snot-nosed brat who knows nothing about life” instead of as a “wise young person”, which is the viable alternative. She said that I am closed-minded and that I shoot everything down. (The problem of small-mindedness is what you addressed the only other time I wrote to you.)

I don’t know why I come off as arrogant. I’m sure that I’m not. I asked my mother what it was that made her think that, which she thought was a silly question because what she sensed was a general demeanor rather than specific behaviors. In the end we were only able to establish that my lack of eye contact was one of those factors. I can work on that, but surely that’s not determinant. What makes people think of others as arrogant? Should I stop correcting people? I don’t correct others in order to feel superior to them. I do it because I like to debate, in order to keep my thinking sharp, and because there is something painful about friends/family having false notions. I think it’s fair to say that my intention isn’t rooted in arrogant soils.

Granted, my suggestion of stopping correcting people is black-and-white, given that there is the grey option of changing the *way* I correct people. I’m just wondering if it’s an unhealthy habit in the first place. But given how prevalent a thought process it is (i.e. questioning people’s statements and finding faults), the process of getting rid of it may be akin to self-directed psychological violence. I mean, this is the same mode of being that makes me good at what I’m good at. (There’s also the option of keeping the thought process, but not correcting people aloud, but I don’t know what else there is to talk about other than analyzing ideas and their faults. Maybe I should analyze ideas for their strengths too, and express that side more than the faults.)

So anyway, let’s go with grey: So far I’ve tried thinking of an arrogant person that I know in order to understand my behavior, but I can’t think of anyone. Also, no matter how hard I try to put myself in someone else’s shoes in order to simulate an interaction with myself, it doesn’t really work, and I can’t see the arrogance, except if I were to just tell someone “that’s wrong” without any explanation. (I wonder if that’s what went wrong in the conversation with my mother.) Either way, this whole issue boils down to the fact that I’m not arrogant by any reasonable criteria that I found online, but that I come off as such. This was longer than intended. Thanks for your kindness and help.

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Here are some questions for you to reflect on. They are meant to increase awareness of your underlying assumptions, beliefs, and values. Answer honestly:

Do you care about your mom? Do you care about how she's faring, what she's experiencing, what she's thinking or feeling, what she needs and desires, what she hopes for or aspires to, etc?

If you care, how do you SHOW your care to her?

If you don't care, how does that affect your behavior toward her?

Do you believe that the mother-child relationship only goes one-way? (Is it the mom's job to do for you but you owe her nothing?)

You say you like to debate to sharpen your mind. Innocent enough. I like to roller skate to keep myself physically fit. In an ideal world, I would never take my skates off. Does my enthusiasm for roller skating mean that I slap my skates on anywhere, any time? No. Surely it is inappropriate to skate around a hospital or the supermarket. Not only could I seriously harm myself, I would also be exhibiting flagrant disregard for the safety and well-being of others.

What you like to do for yourself sometimes comes into conflict with other people. If you care about people and hope to have healthy and happy relationships with them, you have to take their needs and wants into consideration in every interaction. You have to abide by ethical rules and principles that allow your needs to be met without neglecting the needs of others or interfering with their ability to get their needs met. Without ethics, society wouldn't be able to function, because it would just be a free-for-all.

You mention small-mindedness. It is quite small-minded to walk around the world only thinking about what you need/want. In the best case scenario, you are completely oblivious to others, and they will perceive you as clueless or self-absorbed. In the worst case scenario, you only interact with people for your own personal gain, and that would make you an exploitative or even abusive person. Is that the kind of person you want to be?

Do you basically treat people as though their sole purpose on earth is to debate you and help you sharpen your mind - to serve you? Do you launch into debates with people without asking for consent or checking to see if they want to be corrected? If you do, they will call you arrogant, not because you've put yourself on a pedestal and call yourself superior like an evil cartoon character, but because you are communicating to them that your needs/wants are most important AND you don't give a damn about theirs.

Webster's definition of arrogance: "an insulting way of thinking or behaving that comes from believing that you are better, smarter, or more important than other people". You believe that you know better, otherwise, you wouldn't grant yourself the social authority to intrude on people's boundaries, invalidate their experience, and correct them uninvited. You believe that you are smarter, otherwise, you wouldn't automatically assume the dominant social role of corrector. You behave as though you are the more important member of the relationship because your main priority is YOUR need to feel better (about your skills or about what others believe) while overlooking the other person's needs. Seems like you fit the definition quite well.

Despite that, I wouldn't call you arrogant because I understand that small-mindedness is a difficult problem to overcome. I see the effort that you're putting in to understand it. I'm charitable because I'm not the one who was hurt by your behavior. When people feel hurt, they often have difficulty expressing it. Maybe it comes out clumsily or they aren't able to explain their hurt without hurting you in return. Expressing one's true feelings is to make oneself vulnerable. If someone doesn't trust you to understand and validate their feelings or, worse, they believe that you will attack them for their feelings, they will not be completely honest with you. Your mom is trying her best to give you the benefit of the doubt by saying "if you were a stranger...", but she doesn't feel comfortable enough with you to express her hurt fully and explicitly as it happens. Why? Because the very reason she is hurt in the first place is that you have shown very little regard for her feelings. Following from the previous post of yours, the root of the problem is that you have such a poor understanding of feelings to begin with that you view them as inconsequential in yourself and others (very immature Fe).

I believe you have no ill-intent. I have said before that the typical Ti dom never sets out to hurt people on purpose. Rather, they hurt people unintentionally because their perspective is too small: 1) they don't grasp that other people's needs may be very different from their own and thereby fail to consider them, 2) they don't know how to empathize with different perspectives and validate them, and/or 3) they don't understand that SHOWING love and care is necessary for people to justify continued investment in the relationship.

In other words, Ti doms tend to hurt people out of negligence or acts of omission. Some of them get frustrated at not being able to solve their relationship problems. They might try to convince themselves that doing nothing means that no harm can be done, so they adopt a passive stance in the relationship and perhaps even train themselves to keep their mouth shut (self-violence). They fail to understand that there's more than one way to cause hurt. Instead of learning better relationship skills, they check out mentally and emotionally. Being checked out only makes it worse because you hurt yourself and you keep hurting others by being even less attentive to their needs.

The foundation of meaningful relationships is showing care. In a healthy relationship, people trust you to care for their emotional needs and not violate their personal boundaries. If you only attend to your own needs/wants in social interaction, you are signalling that you don't really care about the other person. This problem with your mom shows that you give little to no consideration for emotional needs and personal boundaries. If you don't want friends, it's entirely your choice to be alone for the rest of your life, pretending that you never leave any footprints behind you. If you want friends, you'll have to put out more effort to be a better friend, by paying more attention to the consequences of your behavior.

Doing things that violate trust and boundaries, even if unintentional, causes hurt. When people feel hurt and don't feel safe to express the hurt, they are liable to say/do negative things. To have good emotional intelligence is to see past the surface of their negative words/behavior and grasp the underlying emotional needs that were unmet and/or the personal boundaries that were violated. Only then can you be a morally responsible member of a relationship, in terms of owning all the ways that you impact people, both positively and negatively.

Arrogant people don't care about the social impact they produce. As long as they get what they want and don't lose anything, the existence of others is of little importance to them. If your mom is important to you, then learn how to show it better by listening to her when she tells you about her needs/wants. You hyperfocus on the literal meaning of the word "arrogant" and whether it is true/false of you, as though proving it false means that there's nothing wrong. You need to listen to the people you have hurt, if you want to understand why your behavior is hurtful. Alternatively, you need to educate yourself about emotional needs, interpersonal boundaries, and what constitutes un/ethical behavior and why.

#intp #intp relationships #inferior fe #arrogance #small minded #communication #social skills #people skills #emotional intelligence #relationships #ask

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northern-passage · 4 years ago

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hello i hope you are having a good day/night was wanting to ask if you did write any other games before this one or did you publish stories or something,,, i am trying to work on an IF but this is my first time and i do write but i have never published anything i also usually get bored fast and just yeah your story is so so good and you put a lot of effort and work into it just wondering if you have any tips or advice like the thought of publishing something is terrifying and i don’t know if i can do it i just don’t have faith in myself

i have not published anything before this!!!

i worked as an editor in college for our creative writing club/group and do technically have credit for that as we did publish an anthology together but i never submitted anything myself to be published, i just helped behind the scenes.

ive always done a bit of writing here and there for myself, and have had story ideas brewing in my mind but nothing i’ve ever gone out and finished or anything. kinda just writing for myself before this. technically i’ve always been much more of a reader than a writer.....

and like. i worked on the tnp prologue for...hmm.....maybe a month before i published it on the forums? part of that was simply mental illness x LOL i got fixated and it wasn’t healthy and i also already had a lot of the story beforehand because it was going to be a dnd campaign... but that’s not the point. i wrote the prologue and was kinda just sitting with it before biting the bullet and posting it. and i didnt really read a lot of interactive fiction before this last summer. i just happened to follow an artist that was into it and that was how i got introduced to everything and realized it was something i could just do!!! and that it would be a cool way to share a story and get feedback

i published my demo in august and like...whew if u read the first version of the prologue u get a veteran’s discount. it wasn’t BAD but it needed a lot of work. it sucks getting criticisms and that’s definitely...a big thing to get over in the beginning. the mortifying ordeal of sharing ur writing. but it’s helped me A Lot and tnp is only as good as it is because i decided to share it and subject myself to the mortifying ordeal lmao

also getting bored is something that happens! it just does. all creatives get bored with their work sometimes or just move on but it doesnt make u any less of a writer or artist or anything. there’s that one tiktok by ghosthoney....taking a break even if it’s for years doesnt take away from the fact that you’re a creator.

my biggest tips are just. first things first you just gotta go for it. just start writing, even if you don’t publish it. don’t feel like you NEED to publish stuff, especially if you’re not ready, and never feel like you need to ‘rush’ or anything. you have all the time in the world to write at ur own pace. and while i can’t promise u that one day you’ll wake up and just be like “i’m ready” a la spongebob...there will definitely come a day where u just make that jump. that’s what i did

second is try not to compare urself to others too much, especially when it comes to like...numbers? so like word counts, followers, updates, etc. like everyone writes at their own pace and some ppl are fast as hell whereas others take a lot longer and it’s just something that is personal. don’t compare the attention someone else might get to what you get - some ppl just have more vocal audiences than others and it doesnt mean ur any less appreciated. also being on the internet be sure to set ur own boundaries, what ur comfortable with, etc.

and again...publishing stuff does take courage and you gotta be ready for feedback. some of it will be genuinely helpful...some of it will not. and especially with IF, people might try and pressure you to make things a certain way. that was one thing i wasn’t really expecting? and sometimes as i said suggestions are actually helpful, because you really can’t think of everything on your own and another set of eyes helps round out choices, but there are also some that want things to go in a completely different direction and you got to make sure it’s actually something YOU want, something that fits the story, and not just something you’re doing to please readers.

the tone and setting of tnp and the fact that i have a bit of a more defined mc makes some of the suggestions i get just....not good LOL and you just got be ready to filter that kind of feedback

and with writing to publish, keep in mind that people’s tastes are unpredictable. you can almost never guess how people will react or what they will like, and something not being immediately popular doesn't mean it's bad or you should change the way you're writing, though you will want to keep ur audience in mind. and as for your audience, you may not attract the people you expect, and there’s really no way to control that - but again setting your own boundaries is most important, first and foremost.

posting stuff publicly is really just a wild card. there’s no one universal experience - it’s unpredictable, it’s scary, it’s hard, but it can also be really really rewarding

i also will say i got lucky that about a month and half? maybe? after i published my demo i joined an authors server that has been a HUGE help. i could totally hit u with that if you’re interested!! having a group of authors to talk to that “get it” is very nice. definitely try to interact with and follow other authors you like - in my experience they almost are always down to answer questions and offer help :-)

#SORRY THIS IS SO LONG OML.....#i hope..this helped a little at least.....sorry for my rambling 🤡#feel free to ask more questions too #ask #anonymous

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jackrrabbit · 5 years ago

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Unprofessional [pt. 1] /// Yandere Tendou x f!Reader

Summary: The new hire you’re supposed to be training at your office job is a little too attached for his own good…or yours. [Part 2]

A/N: Someone requested yandere Tendou and I was like !!! However when I wrote it, it turned out kinda long so I split it into 2 parts; I’ll answer the req when I post part 2. Anyway I’m obsessed with the concept of salaryman Tendou, please enjoy!

Tags/warnings: yandere, timeskip (Tendou is 22-23 in this), workplace/office setting, liberal use of “senpai”, alcohol, Tendou’s crackhead energy is toned down a little bit because of the setting [In part 2: smut, 18+]

You don’t really like Tendou when you first meet him.

Your first impression when your boss introduces the new employee is that he’s all talk and no substance. He’s been hired fresh out of university, and he’s got the stink of a former frat boy all over him—that baseless enthusiasm, chaotic goodwill and arrogance mixed together. That might have been your type when you were still sucking down cheap keg beer from red solo cups, but you’re two years into your career as a real grown-up adult now, and the cockiness that radiates off Tendou in waves is just…annoying.

Unfortunately, when your boss tells you to take the newbie under your wing, train him, and be his mentor, it’s not a request. It’s a demand. So you decide to suck it up. If you’re going to have to spend every second at the office with Tendou trailing after you like a baby duck, you may as well get used to him.

After a few weeks, you have to admit he’s not that bad. Sure, he’s not the best at respecting personal space, but how can you blame him? When he looms over you to reach for a file above your head for the nth time and traps you between his body and the cabinet, you finally lose your patience and snap at him to give you some space, but he looks so surprised and apologizes so sincerely that you can’t help forgiving him. You feel a little bad, even, when he explains that he’s never worked in an office before so he’s not used to all the rules that he’s expected to follow in a professional environment.

You can’t really fault him for that, especially when you’re the one who’s supposed to be teaching him these things. “It’s okay, I know you didn’t mean anything,” you tell him, and he perks up so quickly that you feel even worse for chewing him out in the first place.

The thing is, Tendou doesn’t really stop getting close to you once you chastise him. It just bothers you less. The dozenth time his hand lingers over yours while you’re passing him a document or he picks an invisible thread off your blouse or sits a little too close when you’re riding in the back of a taxi to a client meeting, you start convincing yourself that you’re overreacting. He’s probably not being that much more pushy than your other coworkers—you’re just more aware of him because you don’t know him as well.

And it doesn’t help that he’s tall, towering over you and pretty much everyone else in the office. The cheap suits he cycles through can’t quite conceal the hard lines of muscle underneath—oh, whoops. Now you’re the one crossing boundaries. Tendou is so big that you’re just…more conscious of his presence, right?

This is drilled into you one night after a marathon overtime session when you’re carrying a tall stack of boxes back to the archives. Maybe it’s because you’ve been at work for 11 hours, but the files feel like they’re filled with rocks, not paper. Your muscles are this close to giving out when Tendou appears out of nowhere to pluck the files out of your arms. “Here. Gimme, gimme, I’ll take ‘em.”

The way he carries the heavy boxes so effortlessly makes you kind of embarrassed at how much you’d struggled with them. “You’re pretty strong, hm,” you say absently. Oops, was that inappropriate? You don’t want him thinking you’re hitting on him or something.

“Oh—yeah I guess?” Tendou’s laugh (the one that used to grate on your nerves) sounds like he’s pleased with himself. “I go to the gym a lot.”

“Wish I could find the time. Or the discipline,” you reply as he replaces the file box in the archive room.

“Wow, senpai is calling me disciplined. My heart is pounding.”

His tone is sarcastic enough that you don’t think twice about the second part of his statement. “Don’t get too full of yourself. If you have the energy to go to the gym, you should spend that time double checking your expense reports before you submit them.”

“Ouch.” Tendou holds his hand over his heart in mock betrayal. “Targeting my weak points, how ruthless. But seriously, working out is second nature to me. Been doin it since I was a kid so it doesn’t take any kinda discipline.”

“Oh? Did you play sports or something?”

“Yeah…” Tendou’s voice trails off and when you pause from your task of organizing the files to look up at him, he’s staring directly at you. “…Used to play volleyball. Grade school through college.”

The way he’s looking at you, searching your face for something you can’t identify, makes you think this is more important than it seems. You tip your head to the side, waiting for him to continue.

“Our team in high school was pretty good,” he says slowly.

“That’s cool,” you say, turning back to the paperwork. “Did you ever play Shiratorizawa? They’re my old high school—I think their volleyball team went to nationals back in the day. I was never into sports though.”

A moment passes, and you frown. Did you say something wrong? But just before you’re about to change the subject, Tendou starts laughing. “Shiratorizawa? No, I don’t think I ever played them.”

Your laugh joins his a second late, although you don’t know why he thinks it’s funny in the first place. In the echo of your voices, you can hear how quiet it is in the archives. There’s something here you’re missing, but you’re not sure what.

Luckily enough, the somewhat awkward atmosphere doesn’t carry over to the next day. When you get into the office, Tendou is his usual clingy self, distracting you from your own work to ask you to teach him something and pulling you away when you’re talking to your coworkers so you can double check his emails before he sends them. If anything, he’s more attached than usual—when you go to a contract renewal negotiation with a client he insists on tagging along, so you let him after making him promise not to get in the way.

Of course he doesn’t keep his promise, but you end up appreciating his intrusion more than you could have predicted. The client is stubborn and rude until Tendou chimes in (much to your dismay, at first) with an offer to add on some oddly specific perks to the contract. You’re already practicing your apology speech to the boss in anticipation of losing the client, but to your amazement he agrees to Tendou’s terms and the deal is sealed, along with a healthy bonus for you.

You’re on cloud nine, practically skipping out of the building with Tendou at your side as you fantasize about what you’re going to do with the bonus after you split it with him. A weekend vacation out of the city? An online shopping spree? Some fancy dinners at five-star restaurants? Knowing you, the money will end up going straight to your savings, but you still can’t contain your giddiness. “How did you know he wanted that add-on? Seriously, I had no idea!”

“A guess! I’m good at reading people.” Tendou’s just as elated as you, pumping his fist and whooping like a kid as soon as you’re away from the client’s earshot. “Woohoo! Yay! Our first sale together!”

“A guess? You risked that huge contract on a guess?” You roll your eyes but you’re too excited to be mad at him. “Anyway, you don’t have to say ‘our’ first sale, I know it was all you. I’ll tell the boss you’re doing a good job.”

“No way, it’s ours! Both of us. Me and senpai.” Tendou’s hand reaches down and his fingers lace with yours, squeezing so tight his knuckles go pale.

The thrill of your success flickers as nervousness sets in. Is he holding your hand? “Tendou—“

“Senpaiiiii~” he says in sing-song, swinging your hand as you walk to meet the taxi and ignoring your meek attempts to pull away. “Didn’t I do a good job?”

“Y-Yeah. Good job, Tendou.”

Work friends. The two of you are work friends. Your boss passes all comments to Tendou through you (mostly things about how he’s good with clients and charismatic but needs to stop making minor errors on paperwork). When one of you is sick, your coworkers ask the other to pass on their good wishes. Tendou fits into his role at the office seamlessly, and you can’t say you don’t appreciate the fact that all of his good work is reflecting well on you.

So when his birthday rolls around two months after he’s hired, it’s up to you to plan the office drinking party (only after he complains to you about how he doesn’t have any friends since moving to Tokyo). You have the date you got from Facebook—May 20th—circled in red pen on your private calendar along with a little doodle of a birthday cake.

“What’s that?” asks one of your coworkers, pointing to the circle, as you flip through your agenda a week before the event.

“Tendou’s turning 23,” you tell him. “It’s a Friday, so some of us are going to go to a restaurant and drink a little. You’re coming, right?”

“Oh…yeah.” Your coworker scratches his head and clears his throat. “You guys are pretty close, huh. Um, I actually wanted to ask—you’re not together, are you?”

A chill runs up your spine. “Together? Who said that?” If this rumor gets around to your boss it’ll kill your career. These things always look worse for the woman than for the man. God, it was probably something Tendou said without thinking, he’s always talking about you and someone could easily misinterpret all that praise…

“Well, if you’re dating—“

“We’re not dating,” you say quickly. “We do a lot of work together because I’m training him, but it’s not like that.”

“Really?” Your coworker straightens and smiles. “Cause I was actually thinking of asking if you wanted to go out this weekend—“

“Senpai? Can you help me with this draft?”

Damnit, it’s Tendou getting in the way at the absolute worst time—especially considering he just had to come up behind you and put his hand on your shoulder. Seriously, how many times do you have to tell him to stop doing that when you’re talking to someone else? You’re not sure whether to be irritated at him for cutting your coworker off, concerned that the other man won’t believe what you said about you and Tendou having a strictly professional relationship, or relieved that you don’t have to give an answer to what sounds like an offer for a date.

You cast an apologetic glance at your coworker and make your way over to Tendou’s desk, hoping against hope that the interruption doesn’t look too suspicious. You’d die if word got around to your boss that you were dating your mentee.

///

You’ve got this office drinking party thing down to an art. Step one is to load up on greasy appetizers that’ll increase your alcohol tolerance, step two is to drink plenty of water, and step three is to pour yourself a single drink early and take small sips.

There’s a step four, too: make sure no one else’s glass get’s below the 1/4 mark. Your boss and coworkers are a lot less receptive to how little you’re drinking when they’re all nice and tipsy. It’s a system you’ve perfected over the years, one that allows you to have fun with people from the office without risking making an ass out of yourself or getting a hangover (which, at 25, is a lot more unpleasant than it used to be).

You can’t count the number of times you’ve witnessed the awkward drunken escapades of your fellows, which range from the endearing (your boss crying over how much he loves his wife) to the awkward (coworker makeout sessions) to the potentially criminal (bar fights. So many bar fights). You’re happy to remain a neutral observer, and tonight is no exception.

The only problem is that Tendou hasn’t yet mastered the art of drinking lightly when you’re around people you work with, so now, at the end of his party, he’s (for lack of a better word) trashed. His cheek is mashed flat to the restaurant table like it’s glued there and his head is surrounded by progressive rings of bottles and cans. It’s some kind of miracle that he hasn’t yet gone to the bathroom to get sick.

“Sorry Tendou,” you sigh. “I should have been keeping a better eye on you.” You had no idea he’d get so drunk so quickly. Aren’t tall guys supposed to have high tolerance or something?

“Sssshenpaii,” Tendou slurs, hoisting his head off the table with that looks like Herculean effort. “I liiiike when…when ya look at me…”

“Ha, ha,” you say sarcastically.

Tendou’s head whips around. “Where’d everyone go?”

“They all left—now it’s time for us to go home too. Come on, I’ll help you get to the taxi.” You pay the bill (oof, there goes your petty cash for the week) and pull on Tendou’s shirt sleeve to get him to stand up. Luckily he’s just sober enough to realize what you want him to do and he follows you out to the street with an arm draped over your shoulders to steady his meandering footsteps.

The real trouble comes when the two of you are seated comfortably in the cab and the driver asks for Tendou’s address, which, apparently, he can’t remember. You do the sensible thing and look through his phone, but his own contact card provides no hint to where he lives in Tokyo, only a phone number, email, and address in Sendai which has to be his parents’ house—

Wait.

Tendou’s from Sendai?

You’re from Sendai. You didn’t know he was too. What a coincidence that both of you moved to Tokyo from Sendai. You’ve mentioned your hometown to him a couple times—how come he never told you he’s from the same place? You’re only two years older than him; maybe you’ve run across him in Sendai before the two of you started working together.

Now that you think about it, his face has always been kind of familiar…you thought it was just ‘one of those faces’, but…?

This isn’t the time to wonder, though. You poke Tendou gently in the side, careful not to jar him enough to risk any stomach upset. “Tendou? Do you remember what street you live on?”

After a long pause Tendou names a street, but it’s your company’s address which isn’t located anywhere near a residential district. When you tell him to think harder, he grimaces, lips pulling back to bare his teeth. “Don’ wanna go home…lemme sleep over at senpai’s house.”

“What? You can’t stay at my place.”

“Why noooot? ‘m tired,” he drawls, eyes closing as his head droops onto your shoulder in the back of the cab.

“It’s—it’s inappropriate—wait, no-no-no-no don’t fall asleep,” you tell him desperately but it’s already too late. A light snore filters out of him and you curse. “Tendou—“

“Address?” the cab driver barks insistently, giving you the stink eye in the rearview mirror.

Shit. Well, it is his birthday, you have a pull-out couch, and it’s not like anyone from the office is around to see you going home together. Tomorrow morning you’ll just have to give him a lecture about professional boundaries and make him promise not to breathe a word of this to your boss.

You give your own address to the cab driver. Tendou sleeps peacefully on your shoulder throughout the entire drive, rousing only when you whisper his name in his ear outside your building (which is a miracle, because you know without a doubt that you’re not capable of carrying him). When you get up to your apartment, you deposit him on the sofa bed and tell him not to look through your stuff while you brush your teeth.

Obviously, he doesn’t listen to you. When you emerge from the bathroom, Tendou is standing in the middle of your living room and turning the pages of an old photo album of yours.

“Hey, give me that.” You try to pull it away from him, but he doesn’t let go and his grip is stronger than yours, so the album remains firmly in his hands. “If you’re sober enough to mess with my things, you should go home.”

“This is senpai, right?” Tendou says, pointing to one of the photos.

Despite your exasperation, you lean in to take a look. It’s a picture from high school with you and some friends, all of you wearing your Shiratorizawa uniforms and grinning cheekily at whoever took the picture. Your fingers are cocked up in a peace sign. “Yeah? That’s me.”

“So cute…senpai is really cute…” Tendou’s long finger trails over the edge of your face though the filmy plastic covering the photo.

“Um…you need to get to sleep,” you say nervously, pulling a little harder on the album.

He doesn’t budge, instead just flipping back in the album to older pictures from when you were little until he stops at a photo of you and your younger brother in grade school. Against your better judgement, you frown and look closer to try and pick up whatever caught his interest in this particular image.

“How old…?” he asks.

“I don’t know, 10 or 11 maybe?”

Tendou nods. “When I met senpai…you were this old, yeah.”

“Jeez, you’re really drunk. We met two months ago, remember? I was on the interview board.”

“Yeah.” Tendou’s gaze is glued to the photo. “I was so sad, ‘cause senpai doesn’t remember me. But also really happy to see you after such a long time…I thought it was a dream…”

“Hm? I don’t get it.”

Tendou finally looks up from the picture and meets your wary gaze with those wide red eyes. God, you used to think his face was so creepy—lately you find his zealousness endearing, almost childlike, but right now? It’s making your feet itch how much you want to step away from him. “I was really hoping you would remember on your own, but I guess I’ll have to tell you.”

“Tell me what?”

“How me an’ senpai met…”

Are you imagining it, or does his voice sound a lot less slurred than it did just 20 minutes ago? “You’re not making any sense.”

“Shh, just listen…your little brother played volleyball when you were kids, didn’t he?”

How did he know that? You nod hesitantly.

“Yeah…he was in my grade. He was a bad kid, y’know that? Always saying mean things to me.”

It’s true. Your brother’s always had a mean streak in him.

“He used to call me a monster. ‘Cause, y’know—“ Tendou taps a finger against his face. “Guess I look weird. And my name, too. So he said he didn’t wanna play with me. Demons can’t play on human teams. Every day, saying cruel things. I really hated him.”

Monster. Volleyball. Your little brother. Tendou Satori like the mind-reading spirits from folklore. Something’s coming to mind, a memory you haven’t thought about in years—no, decades.

Your little brother making fun of another kid. A tall kid with red hair in a bowl cut.

“I-I remember,” you stammer. “I came to his practice one time and you were there, right? That bowl cut kid was you. I got mad at him for calling you names and I yelled at him. That’s when we met?”

“Correct!” Tendou’s beaming like you just told him he won the lottery instead of recalling a random fifteen-year-old memory. “You made him let me play! I got to get on the court, and block him, and see his beaten face looking up at me. All because of senpai.”

You can play this off, you think to yourself. Tell him you’re sorry for how your brother treated him. Ask him why he never told you that the two of you have met before. Say something. Anything. But your mouth is too dry to let you speak.

“And, you know…” Tendou’s voice softens and a light blush dusts his cheeks. “I thought you were so cool. I couldn’t believe you were related to that jerk. Can I…tell you a secret?”

No. Deep down you know what he’s going to say, and you don’t want to hear it.

Tendou’s hand comes up to comb through your hair, gently pulling through the delicate strands next to your face and tucking them back so he can lean in and whisper into your ear (even though there’s no one else around). “I like you, senpai.”

Stop it. Stop it. Your blood feels cold in your veins.

“I’ve liked you ever since then. I used to wish we were in the same grade so I could be your friend and talk to you every day. Whenever we were in different schools I missed seeing you in the halls and hearing your voice when you spoke to other people.”

“Stop...stop talking,” you whisper, but Tendou continues like he didn’t hear you.

“Why’d you have to go all the way to Tokyo for college? In my third year at Shiratorizawa I studied for your school’s entrance exam forever, but I didn’t get in. Was too busy with volleyball, I guess.” He pauses. “Oh, by the way, I went to Shiratorizawa. I lied about that, sorry. But—seriously, d’you have any idea how hard it was for me when you were away at university? Not seeing the person I love for six years?”

Love, he said. You feel nauseous. “Tendou, you don’t—“

“Let me finish, okay senpai? You don’t know how much I’ve been through. Always having to respect your ‘personal space’—“ he frames the phrase in mocking air quotes— “when I need to touch you so bad I feel like I’m gonna explode.”

And then he’s hugging you into his chest, crushing your torso into his. You struggle and try to get him to let you go, but Tendou is so much stronger than you.

“You’re not that different from your brother after all, are you?” he hums into your hair. “You’ve been torturing me. You know how you lean over my desk when you show me something on my computer? I can…see down your shirt when you do that. And I smell your perfume. I spent two hours at the mall trying all the different perfumes so I could find the right one…thought my nose was gonna stop working! But don’t laugh—“

You’re not laughing.

“—the salesgirl looked at me funny but I got it eventually. Chance Eau Fraiche, right? I can’t believe how expensive that stuff is, what is it made of gold? It was worth it though! I saw this news article about how smelling things in your sleep can trigger memories, so I tried spraying your perfume on my pillow before I go to bed and now I get to see you at work and when I’m dreaming—”

“STOP IT!” Your slap echoes across the room with a resounding crack. You’ve never hit anyone before in your life, but your aim is good enough to leave Tendou staring with a shocked expression off to the side and a bright red mark on his face. His arms fall down from you and you back away from him, clutching your hand to your chest. “You need to get out. You’re drunk and you’re not thinking clearly. We...we can talk about this tomorrow, but right now you have to go.”

Your heart is beating like hummingbird wings, sending a flush up to your face that you know is visible. Tendou ghosts his hand over his cheek and is quiet for a long moment. “I wanted to do this the right way,” he says finally.

“What?”

“I tried. But you’re so obsessed with professionalism. You refused to see me like that,” he sighs. “You’re too responsible. Although it’s one of the things I like about you.”

“Please listen to me...” The psychological anxiety of this revelation is stirring up a primal fight or flight instinct, and you start backing up.

“I really wanted to treat you gently. You deserve to be treated well…”

“Tendou, wait.” How far are you from your bedroom? You don’t want to resort to hiding from him, but you’d feel a lot better with a locked door between you and him.

“…but senpai, I’ve waited so long. And it’s my birthday.”

Your hands scrabble for the doorknob, only—oh. He’s not just stronger than you, he’s faster too.

➠ [Part 2]

#Tendou Satori x reader #Tendou Satori #Tendou x reader #haikyuu x reader #Tendo Satori x reader #Tendo Satori #Tendo x reader #haikyuu #haikyuu!!#haikyuu imagines #hq imagines #yandere #yandere haikyuu #yandere haikyuu x reader #yandere Tendou Satori x reader #yandere Tendou Satori #yandere Tendo Satori x reader #yandere Tendo Satori

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conscious-love · 4 years ago

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Hey I am the anon who asked for the advice when someone yells at you.. Your advice is really priceless!!

Could you also elaborate on responding to that yelling in a healthier manner..? Cause I definitely don't know how, which is why I just usually become quite.

Hope you have a lovely day.. You're a pure soul ✨

Hello! 🥰 I’m happy to hear from you, and I’m glad I was able to offer you some clarity. Sure, I can elaborate on that. I would like to reiterate, though, that you don’t have to stand there and take it when someone yells at you. That isn’t to say I’m advocating for avoiding conflict or giving up on people, but I believe that in a healthy relationship, yelling shouldn’t be a thing. That said, we all start somewhere, and there are perfectly valid reasons for why people yell, and those are most often rooted in childhood. If you (speaking generally, not specifically you) have a partner who yells, and you believe there’s a chance you can get them to understand that they don’t need to yell, and that yelling doesn’t help — in fact, it hurts you and the relationship — you can stay if that’s what you want, but I would caution you to set a time limit, and set firm boundaries, because this waiting can be a slippery slope.

How to respond when someone is yelling at us

This will vary from one relationship to another, so you might need to make adjustments. Also, I’m writing this with monogamous relationships in mind, but all of this applies to polyamorous couples as well. It also applies to friendships, families, coworkers and so on (basically, any human-human interaction).

Assess the risk of physical danger. Is this person likely to go beyond yelling by assaulting me, trapping me, or threatening me? If so, it may be best to faun, honestly (this is my opinion, not explicit advice). Meaning, make little or no eye contact, agree with them or at least don’t disagree, and don’t engage them. Once they’ve calmed down, we can make an excuse to get away, or find a time to sneak away. Then we can seek support from family, friends, and/or the authorities if our safety has been threatened. And we should probably leave them (because they probably will become abusive). More often than not, though, we will not be in physical danger. If you are not in physical danger, do not faun. Once we’ve assessed and realized we’re not in danger, we can move on to engaging with the person.

Elaborating on “if you’re not in physical danger, do not faun.” If we faun, we’re contributing to the power imbalance in the relationship. We’re teaching them that yelling works, that it’s an effective way to get what they want (us agreeing with them, us not talking anymore, us dropping the subject, them deciding what we talk about, us doing what they say, and so on). Examples of not fauning: make eye contact, stand/sit up straight with dignity, don’t agree with things you don’t actually agree with, don’t say yes when you want to say no and vice versa, don’t apologize for things you didn’t do or things that are not your fault, speak as clearly as you can (and not too quietly), don’t lie to appease them or in an effort to end the argument (stand in your truth).

Don’t yell back. This just adds fuel to the fire, and it certainly does nothing to diffuse the situation. If we want to have a discussion without yelling, we cannot yell — it’s that simple.

Ask them kindly and respectfully to stop yelling or to lower their voice. It’s important here that we don’t say this in a condescending tone, like we’re their parent or something. No one likes to be spoken to this way. It’s demeaning; when we “correct” people, it implies to them that we believe we are above them. A relationship is a partnership. Our partner needs to know that we’re on their team, that the reason we want them not to yell is so that the two of us can resolve this as best as we can for us both, and grow closer as a result. Not that we think they’re bad for yelling; shame is not a good motivator for change. One partner may have more knowledge and experience with emotional regulation, but that doesn’t mean they’re better. Our relationships (partners, friends, family, etc.) are our greatest catalysts for growth — we are reflected in them; they show us what we lack and what our strengths are. We learn from one another. In relationships, the best way to get our points across and to connect with one another is to speak kindly to each other, with love.

If they don’t stop yelling, maintain your calm and loving voice as much as you can. Sometimes just being calm helps the other person calm down. If we create a space for them where they feel safe, they might be able to calm down themselves. If nothing else, speaking this way will probably not make them angrier, which will get us back (faster) to actually talking. If they still don’t stop yelling, we can ask for a time out, or just take one if they say they want to continue. “This isn’t a discussion. We’re not connecting, we’re not working toward a solution. I want to hear your side, I want to figure this out together. But we can only do that when we’ve calmed down.”

If they eventually stop yelling, I suggest you don’t bring up the yelling at that time, but you can definitely thank them, “thank you for lowering your voice, I feel a lot closer to you like this. Now we can get to the heart of what’s bothering you.” Or something along those lines. Another day or later that day, perhaps we can bring up the yelling, letting them know that when they yell, we feel disconnected, we feel like they aren’t on our team, that it makes us anxious and then we can’t concentrate on the subject at hand (or however their yelling affects us).

If once you have that discussion about yelling, and they outright refuse to work on it, it’s my opinion that you should seriously consider ending the relationship.

If they are receptive and agree to work on it, discuss your plan for measuring progress. “If in 6 months you’re still yelling this way, I’m going to have to make a difficult decision and leave. I love you and I really want us to work, but I just can’t be in a relationship with someone who yells at me. I believe you can do this, you just need to practice, and I’ll help you. When you start to yell, I can remind you that we’re trying to avoid that. Realistically, what do you think we can keep an eye on to let us know you’re making progress? In one month, two months, three months of working on it, how will we be able to see your progress?” Progress can look like: yelling less frequently, not yelling as loud, calming down quicker, etc. Create a plan together, and talk about it every now and then. Reward any progress you see. And remember not to treat them like they’re your “project,” this is a journey you’re on together. And remember — set a time limit; this type of thing can easily turn into an endless cycle of trying and feeling defeated. People often spend years in this tug of war. We can’t change people, we can only guide them — and only if they are willing.

Thanks for the question! And I hope that helps. I know my responses are a little long-winded; I swear I try to cut out what’s unnecessary 😄 I’m just so extra lol. I hope you have a lovely day as well, take care 🥰

~ Bella 💙

Ps. For anyone who wants to read the original question & answer this person is referring to, here it is. I talk about regulating our emotions while someone is yelling at us.

#ask bella love

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reddit-tales · 5 years ago

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How do you tell a depressed friend or partner that you don’t have the mental resources to listen to them be depressed anymore, without coming across as a massive asshole?

My wife has major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety, and PTSD. She goes to therapy regularly and is medicated so most of the time she manages it well. But when other things in our life are difficult her mental health can take some serious downturns. Due to our relationship being more than just friends I’m obviously more invested in helping her than I would be with other people, but here are some things I have learned over the years. Things which have made our relationship very successful and mutually beneficial.

Ask the person what they need. Oftentimes when a person we care about is struggling we want to jump in and fix everything. That’s not always what the person needs. Maybe they just need to vent to someone without judgement. They might not want advice, because they know what they should be doing, but their condition is making that hard. Maybe they don’t want to talk at all and just need a hug or a shoulder rub (if you both are comfortable with physical contact). Or maybe they just want to sit with you and watch a movie, or go for a walk, and take their mind off of it. Giving advice that is never taken is draining and frustrating - but you can help them without doing that.

Tell them what you need. Just because you don’t have the same mental struggles doesn’t mean you can’t also have needs. Let’s say they came to you asking to vent, but you had a long day and are tired physically and emotionally. Tell them “I am not in a place to be able to carry that right now.” This is when you could offer to do something else for them, or tell them when you feel you’ll be better able to help. You could also tell them a time limit if you have some energy to give. Like “I would love to let you vent, but I need to set a limit of 15 minutes today. After that let’s agree to change the subject, or do another activity that we can both use to unwind.” This gives your person a clear view of your boundary and lets them still get support from you.

It’s okay to have lines that can’t be crossed. Adding to the boundaries I brought up in point 2, it’s perfectly okay to have limits on where your support ends. There may be topics that are triggering or uncomfortable for you and you are allowed to say talking about those is off-limits. You can also change those limits depending on what’s happening in your own life. Maybe they have a bad relationship with a parent, while your beloved parent is unwell. It’s not going to feel good for you to hear them talk about how horrible their mother is when you want nothing more than for your mom to get better. That would be an appropriate time to tell them this is a boundary and if they need support in this then they need to seek it elsewhere. You can still be there for them, but find a way around this particular issue. Your limits can also be time-based rather than topic-based. You can tell them they can’t contact you while you are at work, or before/after x time. Or that you can only hang out on x days.

Communication. This is the most important. Just be honest with them. They don’t want you to burn out. They don’t want to drag you down with them. But one of the symptoms of these problems can be pushing people away and isolating yourself. That means that they only have a limited number of supports in their life and it can put a lot of pressure on the supports they do have. It’s up to you to be very clear about how you’re feeling and what you need so they don’t push you away too. If you do all of the above from a loving place they will be happy to know they aren’t putting too much on you. Being clear about this will ultimately be helpful to you both.

They need to respect you. If they don’t listen to your boundaries it’s okay to cut them off. If you have to go that route, it would be kind to let them know why. But you always need to put your own health first. You deserve to have friends that you enjoy being around. You deserve to be happy. You don’t need to be anyone’s emotional doormat.

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tarotinapinch · 4 years ago

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Pile One: Green Fluorite Tower

1. Soul Gift: What you came here to express and share with the world.

*Portal: Doors are opening. You decide. Rewards. Wild Card.

*Share Your Voice: Come out of the cave. Persecution. Expression.

*Death

*Joy

You came here to share your own unique voice, one that is different than anyone else in this world. You may have been raised a certain way, but you are meant to break the mold and transform yourself into someone who is so vibrant and full of joy. You are meant to make your own decisions, unaffected by other people's opinions. Sharing your voice with the world could mean so many different things, whether it be singing, writing, becoming a licensed therapist, doing private readings for people or sharing public readings for the collective, being an influencer on social media, or even making YouTube videos ranting about your personal experiences. The possibilities are quite endless. But you have a specific calling that feels right to you. Go after it, that is your life purpose and you are meant to share these gifts to help raise the collective consciousness.

2. Karmic Wound: What you came here to heal.

*You Got The Love: Hadarian Energy. Codependency. Boundaries

*Keepers of the Earth: You are not alone. Ancient Ancestors stand beside you.

*Take Risk

*Authentic Truth

You have a major karmic wound within your blood family ancestry and that wound is named codependency. I could probably write an entire book on my own experience with this subject, but the main focus for you right now is how to set healthy boundaries. You very well could have grown up with a lack of boundaries as a kid and even into adulthood. Your immediate family could struggle with boundaries with themselves, therefore cross yours more often than you'd like to realize. Boundaries aren't hard to learn, but they can definitely be hard to practice, especially when those around you do not know how to set healthy ones. Here's some good news, though: you are the one who is meant to break and heal this family curse of unhealthy boundaries and codependency. Does this feel like a huge undertaking? I'd be lying if I said that it wasn't. But here's some more good news: although this may be quite the quest to take on, the solution is super simple. All you have to do is take the risk to live your most authentic life, to do what you want to do and be who you want to be at a soul level. These ancestral patterns will break and the healing will start, all just by you being unapologetically you and living only within your truth. Setting boundaries with yourself and with your family to uphold your promise to yourself about living authentically won't exactly be easy, but it will get easier with time and practice. Remember that it's normal to feel guilty when you first start setting boundaries, but also know that feeling guilty does not mean that it's the wrong thing to do. Start small, take it one step at a time. Before you know it, you'll be in such a better place and ready to take the next, even bigger step for spiritual journey.

If you would like to do some self-help research of your own, I highly recommend that you get your hands on a copy of Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Tawwab. Her book is the how-to manual on learning everything about boundaries. The way that she writes is so easy to understand and absorb. No psychobabble, just real talk and experiences.

3. Life Lessons: What you came here to learn.

*All Paths Lead Home: Inner authority. Intuition. Turn your gaze within.

*Deep Replenishment: Retreat. Rest. Be held.

*The Wildling

*Divine Animals

You came here to learn that no matter what path you choose to go down, no matter how crazy it may seem, you will always find yourself going the right way. In fact, the "crazier" your choice may seem to others, the more likely it's what is meant for you. You will never make the wrong choice, you will always end up home, whatever that word may mean for you. Your intuition is always on point and you're here to learn how to follow that inner voice with confidence, even if you may not be able to see the path forward at certain points in your life. You are also here to learn when to give yourself a break. You're a hard worker, perhaps brought up and taught that "there's no free handouts” and that you need to work hard in order to achieve anything in life. As much as we hear this "advice" from society, it's quite the toxic mindset. You should /never/ have to overwork yourself to the point of burnout just to be comfortable. You need passion and focus, of course, but those things do not have the same definition as "hard work". If you really enjoy what you do, then the "work" should be easy and fun for you. The more easy and fun the "work" is, the more time you can spend doing it without burning out and the more money you can earn. The more money you can earn, the more time you can take away to rest, rejuvenate, take a vacation, and care for yourself it whatever other means you feel necessary. Animals may also play a major role in your life whether they just be family pets that you have a close bond with, part of how you wind down and destress, or they could even be a part of your career. Whatever the case may be, you definitely have some important animal friends in your life that were sent by your guides to be a spiritual companion.

4. Current Obstacle: The thing that's challenging you the most.

*Star Ancestors: Hidden secrets. Lost Wisdom. Look a little deeper.

*Dance With Life: Do something to change your energy.

*The Outlaw

*Let Go

The hardest thing for you right now could very well just being able to feel like you can be yourself and do what you want to do without the fear of judgement from others. You may be feeling a bit stuck in a rut, our energy becoming a bit too stagnant for your liking and only adding to the stuck feeling. Know this: no one is holding you back or keeping you stuck. The only person in the entire Universe that can do that is your own self. So you can move and change your energies any time that you wish to. But you may be having a hard time letting go of the way things are because the logical part of your brain tells you "but this worked in the past, so why can't it continue to work now? Why shake things up when everything seems to be running okay?" True, it may have worked in the past, and it may be running okay now. But that doesn't mean that you are okay with how things are, nor does it mean that you have to accept things as they are if the energies don't vibe with you anymore. We are constantly evolving and therefore what we are comfortable with and what we are no longer comfortable with also fluctuate many times during the course of our existence. Do not fear what others may think, or the judgements they may make. This will only hold you back. The only opinion that you need be worried about is your own. As long as you are doing things for you that make you feel good about yourself and you are not intentionally harming others, then you're doing the right thing! Take a minute to meditate, clear your mind of anyone else's thoughts or opinions and ask yourself directly, "What do I want to do? What is it that would make me happy?" Whatever answer you come to that is not tainted with your family's, friends', or even society's opinions, is the true answer that you are seeking to follow.

5. Soul Calling: What your soul is calling you toward.

*Wait: It's not yet time. Things are being woven.

*Don't Dim to Fit In: How are you dimming your light in order to fit in?

*The Observer

*Focus

Right now is a time for some observance. Hold on a minute. Take a step back and really focus on your life and where you are currently heading. Are you doing the things that you truly want to do? Or are you doing things because you feel the need to fit in with others or with society as whole? Are you dimming down your true, vibrant personality because you feel like you need to fit a certain mold to get by or to be successful? If any of these questions ring true for you, spirit is telling you it is not time to move forward quite yet. Only move forward when you know that you are moving towards what /you/ want for you, not what others want for you. Stop dimming that beautiful personality down. Let it shine brightly like the stunning star that you are. Once you start living within this energy, really focused on your personal wants and needs, that's when it will be time to move forward with the next stage of your life.

6. Guidance Message from your Spiritual Team

*Seeker of Coins

*Become Aware: Create Space today to connect with your body. Find a comfortable place and close your eyes, bringing your awareness to your physical form. How does it feel? What does it speak to you? Do hidden emotions reside within? After you have connected with your body, ask yourself what your body needs in this moment

*Forgiveness

*Following the path of another. Your path is being redirected to where it should be.

Your guides want you to know that what you are meant to do for "work" in this life is quite different than what those around you do. I put "work" in quotation marks because I believe that if we are aligned with the right career path, "work" will never feel like work, it will just feel like a fulfilling and fun life that provides you with all that you need and more. These cards suggest that perhaps there is a family business or perhaps a career path that almost everyone in your family follows that you feel you are expected to follow as well. Just because your family follows this path doesn't mean that you have to as well. And you don't need your family's or anyone else's approval to go after the career choice that you truly long for. Maybe you've felt a pull to this path for a long time somewhere deep in your bones, but have kept putting it off to appease others, or for the fact that it seemed easier to follow an already paved road rather than to clear a path of your own. Whatever the case may be, forgive yourself for the time that you spent dwelling on this. You did not waste time, this time only made you realize what you did not want, and that is very important. Also forgive those around you who seemed to be persuading or pushing you in a different direction than what you really wanted. At the end of the day, they were most likely just trying to help you achieve the goal that they think you wanted. Don't be afraid to speak up for yourself and your needs. Express how you truly feel about things and start to go after the choices that feel right for you. Your true family and friends will respect and support your decisions and you will always be supported by the universe when you go after your dreams to make them a reality.

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songtoyou · 4 years ago

Text

Tempting Fate - Part Thirteen

Paring: Tommy Shelby x Reader

Warnings: Swearing.

Word Count: 3,019

Story Summary: Tommy is not a believer in fate or destiny. However, a new resident in Small Heath will question his beliefs and push his boundaries outside his comfort zone. Miss Young arrives in Small Heath looking for her soulmate and meets the Shelby clan along. At first, Tommy distrusts the newly hired barmaid but soon finds himself drawn to her and can't understand why.

Chapter Summary: Ada draped a blanket over you and put another log in the fire. She wanted to kill Tommy for standing you up. However, she knew her brother wouldn’t do it on purpose. Ada only hoped that Tommy was caught up in something that involved the business, and it wasn’t because he was in trouble or hurt.

A/N: Some sweet moments in this chapter, but of course, we always have to have drama. Thank you all for the amazing support this story has gotten. I only hope you all continue to enjoy reading it. Please continue to let me know what you think and if you would like to be added to the tag list.

Please do not post any of my fics to other sites without my permission.

Tag List: @owenniasstars @lovemissyhoneybee

The following day, you woke up before everyone else to sneak down into the kitchen to prepare breakfast. You looked around the kitchen to see what Ada had on hand, which was not much. Thankfully, there were ingredients to make pancakes. You sorted out the correct measurements and put them in a mixing bowl. It was not long until you could hear another pair of footsteps. You turned to see Ada walking in the kitchen. She still looked half asleep as she sat down at the table. You chuckled when she groaned and put her head on the table.

“Coffee or tea?” you asked her.

“I need another hour or two to sleep,” she replied and got up to get the kettle ready. She opened one of the cupboards and got out a frying pan for you to cook the pancakes in. “I’m surprised my brother is not up yet. Normally, Tommy is up at the crack of dawn.”

You stifled a laugh. Yes, you and Tommy had stayed up later than intended after Ada showed you both to one of the guest rooms. Hopefully, your late-night antics with Tommy went unheard by Ada, or heaven forbid, little Karl. You told Tommy that they needed to keep quiet and not disturb his sister and nephew, but the man was adamant that he needed you and didn’t care who heard.

Ada made you both a cup of coffee and went to retrieve the morning paper. As you continued to cook, she got Karl out of bed to eat breakfast. The three of you sat at the kitchen table eating and conversing with one another. You asked Karl about his school, and he told you about his favorite subjects. “I would have loved to have gone to a real school,” you shared with mother and son.

“You didn’t go to school?” Karl asked, confused, with a mouthful of pancakes.

“Karl, don’t talk with your mouthful,” Ada scolded her son.

“Sorry, mum.”

“No,” you answered him sadly. “My family moved around too much to go to school. My mom taught us how to read and write since she was the one in the family who went to school. But, it still would have been fun to go.”

“I would hate not being able to go to school,” spoke Karl, and you merely smiled at him.

You turned to Ada when she said your name. “How about we leave around eleven to go clothes shopping?” she suggested. “And Karl, speaking of school, you need to go upstairs and get ready. You don’t want to be late.”

“Yes, Mum.” Karl took one last bite of his pancake and got up to go back upstairs.

He passed his Uncle Tommy on the way, who ruffled his hair. “Hey, kiddo,” Tommy greeted his nephew.

“They’re in the kitchen,” Karl stated and headed to his room to get cleaned up and dressed.

Tommy slowly walked into the kitchen, where he caught sight of you and Ada laughing hysterically. “What are you two laughing about?” Tommy questioned, startling you and Ada.

“Jesus, Tommy!” you yelled, jumping in your seat. “I swear, he makes no noise when he walks.

I need to get him a bell,” you told Ada.

“He’s always been able to do that ever since we were kids. It was always how Tommy won hide and seek or tag. Never could find him or catch him.”

“You want some coffee, Tommy? I made pancakes for breakfast. I’ll make you a plate,” you told Tommy, getting up from the table. First, you kissed Tommy on the lips, which he reciprocated, and sat down next to Ada.

“Morning, big brother. I take you slept well,” teased Ada as she sipped the last of her coffee.

“Yes, I did, sister dear,” Tommy countered with a smirk and grabbed the newspaper from Ada. “The bed was comfy. Slept like a baby.”

“Yeah, I bet. Lots of commotion going on in there last night,” Ada mumbled into the teacup.

You turned to Tommy with a horrified look while he had a shit-eating grin on his face. “I better go check on Karl, make sure he is getting ready and not playing around. He gets distracted so easily, just like his father.” Ada got up and walked out of the kitchen, leaving you and Tommy alone.

“I told you we needed to be quiet,” you cautioned him.

Tommy only scoffed and continued to look through the newspaper. “Technically, this is my house. I can do what I want in it.”

“Eat your breakfast, dear,” you ordered and placed a plate of pancakes in front of him. He ate while you made him a cup of coffee and cleaned up. Again, the domesticity between the two of you came naturally. “Ada said she would take me shopping at eleven. Did you want to come along?”

“While I would love to watch you get undressed, I have other appointments today. Plus, I need to get the items you requested.”

Tommy figured he could get the molasses from Alfie Solomons. He had a meeting with the Jewish gangster where they needed to finalize their business transactions. Tommy figured a couple of liters of molasses was an easy task. Tommy was, after all, providing Alfie with soldiers to help him win the war with Sabini. Either way, he was getting you the molasses. He would always make you got what you needed.

You turned to leave the kitchen but stopped when Tommy grabbed your hand. He dragged you back to him so you could sit on his lap. Wrapping his arms around your waist, Tommy nuzzled your neck. You leaned into him when he began kissing along your neck and ear. His hands began to trail up your legs and thighs.

However, you stopped him when he got to your underwear. “Tommy, we can’t. Your sister and nephew are upstairs. We need to behave. Plus, we should get ready ourselves.”

You got up from Tommy’s lap, and you swear you caught the man pouting. He gulped the last of his coffee, which was now lukewarm, and got up from the table.

He once again wrapped his arms around you and kissed you on the lips this time. “Get yourself something spectacular for tonight. I’m taking my girl for a night out on the town.”

“Should I even bother with wearing anything underneath?”

“Surprise me,” Tommy responded and went in for another kiss. Before either of you could deepen the kiss, you could hear Ada and Karl coming down the stairs. You broke apart first and tried to compose yourself.

Tommy left for the living area to retrieve his cigarettes.

“All set for school?” you asked Karl. He looked cute in his school uniform.

“Ready. Here you go.” Karl surprised you with a piece of candy.

“What is this?” you wondered, confused.

“It’s ginger candy. I take when my tummy is upset,” Karl explained. “I figured you could use it since Mum said that the moaning coming from your room was you having an upset stomach.”

You felt your face heat up and must have turned five different shades of ready. “Well, thank you, sweetheart. That is very kind of you.”

Ada did her best to hold back her laughter and ushered her son out the door. You waved goodbye Karl and closed the front door.

“That’s it!” you shouted throughout the house, “We are going to a hotel!”

You never knew shopping for clothes could be so tiring. You were ready for a nap, and it wasn’t even two o’clock yet. Ada made you try everything, and half of the clothes you didn’t even end up buying. You honestly thought shopping for clothes would be a breeze since you didn’t feel you needed much.

Ada finally allowed for a break around three o’clock and took you for afternoon tea. “Ada, do I really need all of these clothes?”

“Of course you do. Tommy told me to go all out for you. And if Tommy wants to spoil you, then by golly, let the man spoil you,” Ada waved off your concerns. “You have to wear the dark green dress tonight. It looks stunning on you.”

You blushed and looked down at your plate of tea sandwiches. “I’m not used to this, having someone buy things for me, especially when money seems to be no object. I’ve told Tommy that I’m not with him for his money. I wouldn’t want you to get the wrong impression.”

“I would never think,” Ada began, “Aunt Polly told me about you. She told me that you were special and important to Tommy. I don’t know if you know this, but Aunt Polly has the gift of second sight. She sees things in her dreams. She must have seen you and Tommy in one of them. Saw that you were good for him. After last night and this morning, I can see it too. When Tommy is with you, it is almost like I have my brother back. Tommy wasn’t the same after he came home from the war. None of my brothers were, but the change was more noticeable in Tommy.”

You contemplated what Ada was sharing with you. Often, you wondered what Tommy was like before the war. However, you opted not to ask Polly, and you weren’t going to ask Ada. None of it would make any difference or change the way you felt about Tommy. Yes, he changed, but everyone who came back from the war was different. You experienced it with your family members. Tommy was Tommy, and he was the man you adored, possibly could end up loving one day.

You took a sip of your tea, raspberry flavor. It was pleasant on your throat. “I think with someone like Tommy,” you began to speak, and Ada perked up to listen, “I get the sense that he was a sensitive child. He is the type of person to do right by people. That Tommy didn’t like seeing people get mistreated. It is, sadly, what he experienced growing up. You know, like us gypsies, our community continues to be looked down on. I can tell Tommy has mixed feelings about the way he grew up. He wanted more. After the war and seeing so much death; that made him reevaluate his priorities. Tommy wants more for the Shelby name. He wants the name to mean something, have some sense of importance. And it isn’t just for him, but all of you.”

Ada sighed. She agreed with what you were saying; however, she still had reservations about how Tommy went about getting the things he wanted. “He’s going to get himself killed one day, I fear.”

Truthfully, that scared you too, but you had to tell yourself that Tommy would always make his way home; back to you safe and sound. “Tommy,” you spoke, “always thinks ahead. He is very good at strategizing. That is what will keep him alive.”

“I hope you are right,” said Ada sadly.

You hoped so as well.

After tea, Ada tried to get you to stop by one more clothing store, but you told her that you had more than enough clothes. At the last stop, you made sure to get a dress for Esme and a pair of fine leather gloves for Polly. You were done with clothes shopping. However, there was something you wanted to get, not for you, but for Arthur. While Ada continued to pursue the clothes on the racks, you told her you were heading out to another store, one that sold art supplies.

“Ada, I’ll be right back. I’m going to get something from across the street,” you told her and left.

When you made it to the art store, you began to look at all of the supplies. You were unsure where to start. Arthur shared with you that he liked to draw, particularly horses before he went off to war. It was one of his favorite hobbies, but he hadn’t picked up a pencil in a long while. You wanted to get him a set of drawing pencils and paper in hopes of getting him back in the habit. If Arthur got back to drawing, it would help him have a positive outlet, rather than drinking or fighting the pain away.

You asked the store clerk which drawing set was best. He tried to get you to pick the most expensive one that included way too many items. Instead, you opted for the twenty-piece pencil drawing set with a wooden case and sketchbook. The pencil kit included graphite and charcoal pencils, ink pens, and shading tools that Arthur could put to good use.

You spent the remainder of the money Tommy gave you on the drawing set and asked the store clerk to wrap it up. When you finished, you walked back to the clothing store where Ada was still perusing the racks. You looked in the bag of the wrapped drawing set and hoped Arthur would like his gift.

“Ada, I think we should be getting back to the house. It is almost five o’clock,” you reminded her.

“Oh shit! Yes, let’s get going. I didn’t realize the time.” Ada, albeit reluctantly, stepped away from the racks of clothes and picked up her bags, and followed you out onto the streets.

A taxi took you both back to the house, but first, Ada had the driver pick up Karl from the home of one of his friends. Greeting you both, Karl sat in between his mum and you. He pulled out a drawing from his knapsack and showed it to you.

“That’s me, Mum, Uncle Tommy, and you,” Karl pointed out. It was the four of you in front of a house with a bright yellow sun in the sky. It was adorable.

“This is lovely, Karl,” you beamed at the young boy.

“I drew it for you to take back to Birmingham. Mum already has many pictures I made for her.”

“Thank you, sweetheart,” you said and kissed him on the top of his head. “I will cherish this. I’ll tell you what, you sign your name at the bottom, and I’ll frame it. That way, when you become a famous artist, I’ll have the first-ever masterpiece by Karl Thorne.”

That made the young boy beam with pride. Ada smiled at the interaction with you and her son. It proved that she needed to head back to Small Heath more, especially for Karl. He deserved to have his extended family in his life.

When the driver pulled up in front of the house, Ada paid him and helped Karl out of the car. You both retrieved your shopping bags and walked up the steps.

Once inside, you plopped on the couch and took off your shoes. You wiggled your toes to get the blood circulating. Tommy mentioned earlier that he would be back by seven and for you to be ready.

It was already coming up on a quarter to six. You were exhausted, though, so you let yourself take a small fifteen-minute cat nap on the couch. The next you felt was someone shaking you away. You opened your eyes to see Ada standing above you.

“It is almost seven, and you aren’t dressed yet.”

“Shit,” you bolted up and rubbed the sleep from your eyes. “I can’t believe I overslept.”

You grabbed your bags and ran upstairs to the guest room. You proceeded to undress and clean yourself up. Luckily, one of the windows in the bedroom looked out onto the streets. You kept looking outside to see if Tommy pulled up. You probably spent more time checking to see if Tommy arrived than getting ready. The last time you checked, it already twenty minutes past seven o’clock. By a quarter to eight, your stopped getting prepared to go out. You weren’t disappointed, just now worried about where Tommy was and if he was okay. You washed your face free of makeup, put your hair up in a tight bun, and grabbed your robe before heading downstairs.

You saw Karl and Ada at the small dining table, eating dinner. “Why aren’t you dressed?” Ada questioned.

“He isn’t coming,” you told her and poured yourself a whiskey. You gulped it down and poured another one. You took a seat across from Karl and sipped your drink. “I’m too tired anyway. I’ll tell Tommy that we can go out another night.”

Ada gave you a small smile and got up to get you a plate of food. The three of them sat in comfortable silence while eating. You mostly pushed your food around the plate, listening for the sound of someone entering the front door. When dinner was finished, you tried to help Ada with the dishes. “Nonsense, you made breakfast and did the dishes then. It is my turn.”

Karl got your attention by calling your name. “Yes, sweetheart?” you asked him.

“Can I read to you? My teacher says it is important to practice reading out loud.”

“You should be heading to bed, Karl. It is late,” Ada piped in.

“Come on, Mum. Just one story, please,” Karl begged and put on the cutest puppy dog face. Ada could not resist.

“Fine, but only one book, and then it is up to bed. Got it.”

Karl grabbed your hand and dragged you to the living area. You looked at the clock on the wall, and it read nine o’clock. You tried to ease the anxiety boiling in the pit of your stomach and concentrated on Karl reading a story to you.

You felt yourself being lulled to sleep by the young child’s voice. Just as Karl finished reading, you drifted off to sleep.

Ada draped a blanket over you and put another log in the fire. She wanted to kill Tommy for standing you up. However, she knew her brother wouldn’t do it on purpose. Ada only hoped that Tommy was caught up in something that involved the business, and it wasn’t because he was in trouble or hurt.

#tommy shelby #thomas shelby #tommy shelby x reader #thomas shelby x reader #peaky blinders #peaky blinders fic

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moonbeam-writing · 4 years ago

Note

Hi 👉👈 can I request timeskip!Natsu x Sakusa!reader?

Like Natsu and y/n met when they were playing against each other on a match and became friends to lovers after

So when they were already dating they decided to come out to their brothers but y/n is scared to dissapoint Sakusa because she thinks he isn't proud of her? Perhaps Sakusa hears that and when they come out him and Hinata conforts them?

Fluff please :(💕

— Pride

๑ Requested by a lovely Anon!

๑ Quick Note: First off, thank you so much for requesting, both the request and character choice are so adorable and I'm so thrilled to be able to write this for you! Second, regards to the subject matter, though it's nothing scary, just a bit of a reminder! I just want to remind you all that this is a safe space for everyone (LGBTQ+, people of color, whatever your religion is, the only thing I won't accept is if you're against anyone in those categories,). I myself am a biromantic asexual and know how freaking scary it can be to come out and worrying about having to explain yourself and possibly not being accepted by those closest to you. Just remember that you are incredible, strong and perfect just the way you are and if you ever need someone, I am always here to help. ♡

๑ Characters: Natsu Hinata

๑ Warnings: Miniscule levels of angst, coming out. (There is a happy ending, though!)

๑ Word Count: 2,019

—

The first time you met Hinata Natsu was during a practice match against the Niiyama Girls’ High team. The two of you had recognized each other almost instantly and knew the odds of having a tight game, but neither of you would have had it any other way. In those early moments of the first set, there was some kind of noticeable chemistry between the two of you, though it was much more than people who were going to be rivals in a game.

You and Natsu had become the fastest of friends despite any distance or scheduling differences. Right after the game, the two of you shook hands and exchanged numbers, excitedly awaiting the next opportunity to play against each other. Three practice games, two tournaments, and endless texts and phone calls later, she asked if you'd be her girlfriend at the end of a game. Of course, Natsu was met with a tight hug and a resounding yes.

You and Natsu had kept a decent pace, both of you learning more and more about each other, growing to love each other more and more on a daily basis. For months, it was just the two of you, no one else knowing about your relationship, not that anyone could with the distance between you both.

The upcoming date the two of you had planned, however, was going to change that a little. MSBY was going to be playing in Tokyo the upcoming weekend when the two of you had originally planned a date, so you suggested that the two of you go to your brothers’ game as your date. Not only would it be fun, but you could introduce each other to your brothers, and possibly, if you were comfortable, come out to them in the near future.

Natsu knew that her meeting Sakusa and you meeting Hinata meant hopefully coming out to them and she was beyond ready. You, on the other hand, were nervous. You loved Kiyoomi, and even though you knew you’d be okay, disappointing him in any way was your biggest fear. Though you loved your parents, no one was more important to you than Kiyoomi. However, even though you loved your brother dearly, Natsu was who you saw yourself spending eternity with, and you planned on keeping it that way.

That weekend during the game, you and Natsu had held pinkies through the entire game, even when making your way down the stands and through the heavy crowds until you both saw Shouyo and Kiyoomi. The reason behind it wasn’t shame or embarrassment, but so you could part ways for a moment and congratulate your favorite people.

While Natsu went to hug her brother, you excitedly walked up to him, respecting his boundaries rather reluctantly, however, they hadn’t been able to go change due to the massive crowds and the press, so you supposed it was probably for the best. You had been in a gym full of strangers who could have been sick and coughing, and he was still sweaty from the game. Holding off on this hug was definitely for the benefit of both of you.

“Omi!” You called out to your brother, hearing a somewhat distant whine from Atsumu about how you can call your brother that and he can’t. In your defense, his name was slightly difficult for you when you were learning to speak.

Though it was barely noticeable to anyone else, you saw Kiyoomi’s small smile at seeing you clear as day. Your brother may have been stoic, but you could read his facial expressions like a book. What was going on in his head, however, was a different story entirely. “Hello, (Y/N).”

Taking a deep breath, you smiled back. “Way to go on the win! I’m so proud of you, you guys did so well!”

Scattered ‘thank you’s sounded around the two of you as Kiyoomi thanked you himself, only for Natsu to show up with Hinata and spike your anxiety right back up. Nothing too high, but possibly something that Kiyoomi could pick up, and that’s primarily what you were worried about

“Omi!” Hinata excitedly greeted his teammate, looking between the two of you and his little sister.

Getting a slight nudge in the foot from Kiyoomi and an encouraging look from your girlfriend, you took a deep breath and introduced yourself with a friendly smile, and a small bow purely out of respect for the boy your one and only seemed to idolize. “Hi, I’m Natsu’s friend (Y/N).”

“Nice to meet you, (Y/N)! Natsu’s told me a lot about you! I feel like I’ve heard your name somewhere else too,” Hinata trailed off at the last bit in thought, though you didn’t register it. You were stuck on the fact that Natsu would talk to her brother about you. Granted, you would talk to Kiyoomi about Natsu as often as you could, hell, he’s heard about her since the day you met, but it was still shocking. Seeing the flush across her cheeks and the tips of her ears made it worth it, though.

“She’s also my sister, Hinata.” Kiyoomi sighed slightly, though he couldn’t find it in himself to be too surprised. Just like he was back in high school, Hinata Shouyo was still a total scatterbrain at times.

“Oh! Right!” You couldn’t help but laugh, feeling a bit more comfortable in his presence, but still very aware that you’d have to see him tomorrow to be Natsu’s tether and be introduced as her girlfriend, rather than her best friend.

Following your girlfriend’s lead, you introduce the two and they make their introductions. Lucky for you, Kiyoomi didn’t say anything too embarrassing like Hinata had done.

After a few minutes, you and Natsu had left the boys to go do what they needed to and decided to spend the afternoon together before you drug her back to your place. The two of you got coffee, went to various stores, snuck sweet kisses and pictures, and made a small game plan for tomorrow.

“Are you scared?” Natsu asked as the two of you were cuddled up in your room together. “A little. Hopefully, he noticed how close we are and will beat me to it, ha ha. What about you?”

“Yeah, but I know it’ll be okay. It’ll be like ripping off a band aid.” Natsu’s bright yet sleepy smile coaxed a smile out of you as well. It gave you all of the courage you needed as you pulled her into you, waiting for the next day to appear.

Breakfast the next morning passed smoothly, everyone on the MSBY team was given a day off to rest, so you promised that you’d see Kiyoomi whenever the two of you returned from hanging out and seeing Hinata. Kiyoomi was confused as to why you needed to go with her but brushed it off, if it were important, you’d tell him. You’d always been on the independent side, much like the man himself, so he supposed he wasn’t too shocked.

The two of you met Hinata at the coffee shop that you and Natsu normally go to for dates when she’s in town. You figured that maybe a familiar and comforting place might help calm her nerves and so far, it seemed to be working.

“So, uh, Sho, I kind of have something to tell you.” Natsu slowly trailed off, reciprocating the firm and comforting squeeze you gave her hand underneath the table as she brought your intertwined hands to rest on top of the table as Hinata looked curious at what his little sister had to say.

“Yeah?”

“Ha, so, (Y/N) isn’t actually my friend. I mean, she is! It’s just a bit more complicated.” You both had to hold in a slight laugh at the small head tilt. It was as though the dots weren’t connecting, and part of you wasn’t entirely sure that they were. “As in, (Y/N)’s my girlfriend and I love her.”

With almost animatedly wide eyes and the quickly following dopey grin, his happiness was obvious. “That’s awesome! I’m glad you’re both happy together! How long has it been again?” You and Natsu happily answered all of Shouyo’s questions and small date and game stories that the two of you have made over time

.Unfortunately, a question came that you weren’t quite expecting. “(Y/N), have you told Omi yet?” You could feel your smile drop a little. “Uh, no. We were going to after we told you. Speaking of, babe, we should probably leave in an hour or so.” Natsu nodded in acknowledgment.

“You’ll be fine, you know,” Hinata reassures you. “He cares about you a lot, it’s almost like there’s a weird change after he talks with you. I mean, I only know that from the occasional time you call pretty much right before practice, but sometimes Atsumu asks about you too.” He chuckles slightly before continuing. “I’m pretty sure you could kill someone and he’d still love you, kid. You’ll be fine.” You quietly thanked the human ball of sunshine and the three of you continued to talk until you had to part ways once again.

And now, after hours of agonizing anticipation, the time for you to come out to your brother was here. Kiyoomi was home, your parents were out (not that that really mattered), and you had your ultimate emotional support at your side, hand tangled with yours, her thumb gently running over your knuckles and tracing shapes into the back of your hand.

Opening your front door, the two of you made your way inside and took off your shoes as you called out for your older brother as you and Natsu made yourselves comfortable on the couch, fingers once again laced together. You needed her now more than anything and you couldn’t explain just how happy it made you to have her here for this.

Kiyoomi made his way into the living room, raising an eyebrow at the shockingly serious, yet slightly nervous atmosphere. The amount of tension made him worry that something bad had happened to you, especially when he noticed just how tightly you were gripping Natsu’s hand.

“Are you two okay?”

The two of you wordlessly nodded at him, which only made his worry rise.

“Okay? In that case, why’d you call me out here?”

For what felt like the millionth time in the last 48 hours, you braced yourself and sucked in a deep breath. Just like Natsu said the night before; it’s just like ripping off a band-aid.

“I have something to tell you, and I’m scared, and it involves Natsu, and even though it’s ridiculous, I’m scared that once you hear what I have to say I’ll lose my brother, and I really don’t want that, because you’re my favorite person in the world.” The words spewed from your lips like word vomit and Kiyoomi was determined to not let you do that again.

With very little hesitation, Kiyoomi opened his arms and you almost immediately ran into them. You couldn’t help it. “What do you need to tell me?”

Tears pricked at your eyes, the fear of rejection nearly shutting your thoughts down. “Natsu’s my girlfriend. I love her a lot, and I’m not sorry if you hate me for it, but I also really hope that if that’s the case you understand that I can’t change that and I don’t want to change it.”

Deafening silence filled the living room, but Kiyoomi hugged you tighter, pulling away slightly to begrudgingly wipe tears away from your cheeks with his sleeve. “I could never hate you, (Y/N), and I’m sorry that I somehow made you think that that was the case. I love you so much, no matter what, and I’m so proud of you.” You were pulled against him once again as you tried to calm yourself down. “And Natsu.”

“Yeah?” Even though everything had gone well, she was still nervous.

“Thank you for looking after my sister for me when I can’t. Welcome to the family, kid.”

#haikyuu request #anon request #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu drabbles #haikyuu scenarios #natsu hinata #hinata natsu #natsu hinata x reader #hinata natsu x reader #sakusa kiyoomi

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