#aside from the obvious lack of the sex scenes

[cynical-sprite]

The romance in Cyberpunk 2077 is so badly done. It honestly feels like you're romancing everyone and no one simultaneously.

[callieisto]

☆ Kinktober Day 5: Mask Kink! ☆

(male!reader)

Was it a little mean to use your obvious infatuation with his mask to his advantage? Yes. But Jason deserved a little light teasing, didn't he? His week had been difficult, kept him from seeing you beyond a quick kiss goodbye when you went to work in the morning, and a tired kiss when he came home for the night. And sure, snuggling with you was great, and he liked the sleepy kisses and he liked feeling you sleeping next to him, but...

For lack of more decorum, Jason was horny. And he wanted to have sex with his boyfriend, dammit.

So here he was, sitting in his own living room with the lights off, lounging in his favorite chair, his mask still heavy on his head. He knew this was insane- he could just ask you nicely to please let him plow you into the mattress- but he wanted to indulge you a little bit.

So when you open the door, stumbling in after a double, he perks up a little. He's glad you can't see the stupid grin under his mask, because it would ruin the aesthetic of the scene. Especially because he can already see your brain going all hazy at the edges when you spot him, can already spot the tenting in your pants.

"Hi, baby." Jason purrs, the voice modulator making it sound crackly and deeper than usual. "How's my good boy, huh?"

"I'm... I'm good." You breathe, carefully, as if to gauge what his idea is. "You're still in your mask."

"I am." He says easily, and pats his thigh. You walk across the living room and carefully perch yourself there, both of your thighs bracketing his. He tilts his face up towards you, grateful that you can't see the wide smile on his face, and one of his hands comes up to cup your cheek. The leather is rough against your skin, pulling you down for a 'kiss'.

Your lips press against where his would be, and he can practically feel the way your brain melts out of your ears. "What's going on, hmm?" He teased, bouncing his leg softly. You moan and roll your hips down, bulge pressing against the muscle beneath you. You kiss his mask again, a little more desperate in your movements. "You going all dumb on me just because I'm wearing a mask?"

"Maybe." You whine against his 'mouth', hands coming up to cup the back of his neck and pull him closer.

"Cute." He hums, urging you to move with a little more urgency. "Maybe after this you can ride me, huh? I'll let you wear my jacket and everything. I'll even keep the mask on, you little sicko." He teased. "Do you like knowing that there's a bomb in here? You're kissing on a bomb."

"'M kissing my boyfriend." You whisper weakly, voice breaking on a little whimper. You roll your hips down again, a breathy whine escaping you. Jason's hard as steel by now, your knee lightly pressing against his own bulge. "... but, yeah... I like it."

Jason snorts and nudges against your cheek, as if he was trying to give you a kiss of his own. "I know you do, baby. That's why I'm doing this. C'mon, use my thigh to get off. You're a good boy, hm?"

You moan, and whine, and buck your hips. Jason wonders, distantly, why he never did this before, because you're so cute like this, so sweet and needy, humping his leg and kissing on his mask as if he could kiss you back. He wants to- he really does- but he can't, so he just coos at you, one hand on your hip, the other curled protectively at your jaw.

When you cum in your pants, it's with a little cry of, "Jay!" and Jason nearly cums with you. He coaxes you through it, until you whimper with overstimulation, and then he reaches up to take his mask off and set it aside.

"Hi, honey." He crooned, kissing your cheeks as you go boneless against his chest. "Did so good. Love you s'much."

You smile, and cuddle up to him. "I seem to remember a promise about you letting me ride you while wearing your jacket." You mumble, kissing his jaw softly.

"Mmm." Jason chuckled, kissing your forehead. "Yeah. I guess I did."

"With the mask."

"Yup. With the mask."

[lurkingshan]

Random BL Grievances, 2023 Edition

Listen. I was going to be nice. I was going to listen to my better angels. Shan, I said, there is no need to hate, it's all love! Just let it all go! But then my Tay Tawan was cruelly ripped away from me and @my-rose-tinted-glasses gave me inspiration. So fuck it, we ball. Hateration turned up to 11, let's go.

Worst Waste of a Good Start: Jun & Jun

Remember when this show started and it was all about scent kink and extremely horny energy, and then suddenly that all evaporated so we could add a bunch of side plots and do four different love triangles instead? Yeah I'm still mad about it!!

Most Overused Metaphor: Dangerous Romance

Hey y'all, did you know windmills need wind to power them?

Rudest Boy: Lomfon, La Pluie

The audacity of this boy. The chaos he sewed. Look at this scene! Immediately after this he not only plotted a secret date with his situationship's brother, he kissed said brother without consent. He made Tien cry. I may have forgiven your lanky ass, but I sure didn't forget!

Worst Retcon: Naughty Babe

This is not Men in Black and you can't just mind wipe me into forgetting these two already worked through half these issues in Cutie Pie. Not to mention suddenly turning a dog into a CGI tiger!! Thanks to Nat and Max for their service though those sex scenes at the end did help me cope.

Biggest Audience Betrayal: Minato's Laundromat 2

Plot contrivance amnesia! In my painstaking slow burn self acceptance journey that I have spent two entire seasons on. I will never forgive them.

Most Egregious Lack of Threesomes: Only Friends

You put me through all that messy drama and all those teases and I did not get to watch even one (1) threesome? Just a couple of kisses and everybody vacates the pool. I ask you, what was the point of Boeing if he wasn't here to fuck everybody! For shame, Jojo.

Most Undeserved Forgiveness: Eun Ji and Tae Hyung, The Eighth Sense

These two assholes are really up there amongst the worst friends in drama this year. I don't care what Jae Won says, I do not forgive you. Ji Hyun should have kept that petty energy for the both of them.

Biggest Character Letdown: Sand, Only Friends

Eternally pouring one out for the rougher, more cynical version of Sand who was wielding a baseball bat in the trailer. I don't know what happened to you, my guy, but you live on in my heart.

Most Baffling Dropped Plot: Thyme, A Boss and a Babe

Why was Drake even in this show? What was the point of all that plot set up in the first half if they weren't going to resolve it?? Why wasn't Thyme the mole??? Make it make sense.

Most Obvious Lack of Purpose: Between Us

How on earth did this happen? You have literal years to write a compelling sequel story for a wildly popular side ship and this is all you can come up with?! Aside from a couple nice sexy scenes at the start, this show really had no idea what it was about and nothing interesting to say.

Biggest Waste of Everyone's Time: Absolute Zero

New Siwaj, you're getting the triple dose on this list!! And AZ is your biggest sin this year because what the fuck was this! You had all that money, all that talent, all that time at your disposal, and this is what you did with it. UWMA squad was lined up to see you finally do another masterpiece, and you delivered this mess instead. What is going on with you, sir, I feel it's time for an intervention.

Worst Derailing of a Good Show: Step by Step

You didn't think this post was ending without me mentioning this disaster, did you? An all-time cautionary tale in how to waste a good slow burn. Jeng deserved better and so did we.

[spotlightlowlife]

I think we're forgetting a few things but WTH, improvement

and you can't tell me that these improvements didn't involve going back to the drawing board and using the critics that crazed fans want to attack as source and inspiration. The shorts, sluggish releases dispite this season supposedly being near complete years ago and now the leaks being branded fake, no, I call BS.

We finally got Millie and Blitzø's teamwork, friendships and first meeting rolled into one episode and all these things were good.

The flashback shows Millie looking like someone else all together, once was a rough looking, thought talking bar scraper who beleived that someone like her were only fit for bruiser lacky jobs. Charmed by Blitzø who was widely oppose to her beliefs but reached out to her to join his new business, so with a job, which makes her joining IMP, make sense.

What was a really good fit was Millie believing that IMP moving up in the world was too good to be true and too good for her, who knew the options of farm girl or bruiser. It fits her families attitude of her work not being a real job.

As said, Millie looks like someone else, I don't know how anyone would have identified her without being told who she was. The lack of height consistency was a major part of this, did people (who were maybe overworked and even outsourced) not think, notice or care? These are leading characters and their backstory together a long time coming, was there little communication for such a crucial scene? Were some of the cells recycled for this animation from another character or two?

Unless it's somehow intentional that Millie was physically taller and meanmugged when she was a tough and independent bandit, who then shrunk and got more girly looking as she got sweeter and friendlier with a relationship that's just one year into marriage?

Or was it the case that having work provided by from this great true friend who we're only seeing as her bestie now was what caused her to glow up? We fight see her interact with Moxxie at all even though he discovered her and it's not obvious that they have ever spoke when they move to their office and where were they before when on their way up?

If scenario 1 was the case, it's not like this show doesn't have a pattern of turning someone with charisma and influence into vulnerable and childlike damsel dependent on their lover

Exhibit 1

Exhibit 2

If scenario 2 is the case, then this is another example of not being able to pull off the many ideas that are presented, because these two being best friends and Blitzø being the one to build Millie up just happened.

Millie x Moxxie have near no connection at this point. They have had about two episodes were they set off on missions together and aside from Unhappy Campers, the long anticipated 'Millie' episode, I don't remember anything of them working together in the episode Stolas got abducted and later hospitalized, same episode Striker returned, same episode Blitzø took Loona to a long overdue medical appointment.

Even meeting the in laws managed to do nothing for their paring, nothing at all for Millie and Moxxie needed to be incapacitated for Millie to flex.

Moxxie holds up against other characters, we see that he wants the business to work, he has a buddy cop dynamic with his opposite Blitzø and Blitzø sexual harrassment directed towards him serve as a further reminder of their differences, one of them is happily married the other has flings and difficulty sticking around, we see how Loona is mostly a liability who gets away with anything from their interactions, even his brief meeting with Blitzø was enough during is backstory, their desperation and willingness to make their own path made sense, yet content with his own wife revolves around their sex life, what do we know about them?

Millie is gradually getting her time but it's in a clumsy manner in which Moxxie is absolutely absent, which I'm guessing is in direct response to the very fair criticism of Millie moments becoming Moxxie moment and her simply acting as his cheerleader/fangirl in response to drama which she should be more involved in, or at his grand gestures.

Millie and Loona's exchanges are no different to the last time they really interacted back in the first half of season one, the whole episode set up is nearly the same, Millie needs to fix things, only Millie and Loona are of any use, Loona makes remarks about Millie's age before reluctantly agreeing to fill her role and like an even earlier episode, Moxxie needs to be out of his mind for Millie to shine.

Bonus Blitzø out if it too because that's what worked before.

Remember how Millie opened up about enjoying being the centre of attention and that Moxxie was putting her low with his time wasting ideas and sulky attitude?

He had to realise he wasn't being supportive and let Millie have her time to shine, she got to flex which made little difference to the plot and Moxxie was elsewhere at the time.

In anotheter instances Moxxie has to quietly slip through his own home. Millie has her sister over, her sister who like the rest of the family was rude to Moxxie the last time we saw them together and clearly that was nothing new.

Yes, I know Sallie was chilling with Millie when Moxxie slipped by, yet the episode starts with Sallie arriving to visit Millie, the two of them spending the day at bars and shops, a totally forced and out of place sob story that would change a big fat nothing before the two of them fell chilled on Millie and Moxxie's sofa, clearly Moxxie would kill their vibe just by being seen, clearly there was no intention of really showing Millie stand up for her new life and marriage or any intention of showing any family member accept these things.

Millie having autonomy when Moxxie is totally sidelined hardly works for Millie since they are the leading couple and Moxxie has a more extra personality and connections, good or bad with others. As much as this episode worked, gave her more personality and established the relationship she has with her boss, yet again a set up of desperation and separation was needed

along with responding to criticism

It's sad that shorts and the pilot that may have been branded irrelevant are manditory viewing in order to give the main show it's needed extra substance, it seems Millie x Moxxie need a short or two about their get together, romance and what they actually like about each.

Blitzø content was good.

It was a pity to see a brief illusion of his mother were he wouldfeel relieved to that his many traumas were a dream, only for this scene to be done, dusted and mean nothing

then for the biggest reaction and majority of bad memories to be of his Stolas drama

but this was truly a Millie episode and no complaints on that part.

Since now the leaks are being conveniently called fake, it may be a good idea to scrap what leaks remain and turn the recent Stolas content into the straw that broke the camels back for someone who has been through a lot? Can't say I have much faith in this though, since the sped through apologies to those who don't make any difference yet Blitzø knew he hurt, the watering down of Stolas and Fizz, dismissal of Barbie and Verosika's shift from fun scorned woman who rightfully looked down on Blitzø to spiteful tragic heartbroken ex who stalks his life. As usual, too much offered, too little focus. I can't see the direction steering in any other direction that hooking up Blitzø x Stolas, even though both characters have things to offer independent of one another

and they're a horrid ship.

So returning to the episodes story, I don't even know how to review it other than barely existent.

The villain seemed a massive waste, not only was he voiced by someone very popular but he seems yet another interesting idea for a character, but where was his point other than tormenting Blitzø who stepped into his territory? Is this it for this villain? Why wasn't another big hotel a bigger deal?Leading on to the sinner we met at the start having her subplot was quickly forgotten.

What do we have to talk about when it comes to these introduced individuals?They told us why they were here but nobody cared. Other than the lore of this type of demon and them being voiced by a godfather of strange and queer adult media and Charlie?

Too many things are taken on when the show has a tendency to have too few things matter.

[domini-porter]

🍓🥭🍐! (ooh it's a streetlight)

🍓: I don’t really feel like anything is underrated; that’s not really the vibe of this whole enterprise for me. And I've been really lucky in that a lot of my work has been well-received, which is v gratifying and nice! But in the spirit: I kinda wish my companion stories Honeysweet and Saltbitter were more widely-read, even though they’re certainly not everyone’s cuppa, either thematically or stylistically (vaguely experimental writing about—you know it—trauma and its fallout, written as mirrored pieces). Definitely my most poetic stories, but both antique (originally from 2012/13 on FF dot net) and relatively less accessible than straight prose.

🥭: CRACK (which is basically the fic label for high-concept), then angst and smut are tied (for these two idiots? how could it not be), fluff. I prefer crack/high-concept because you can really do whatever within it; angsty crack, smutty crack, fluffy crack, seriously-treated crack. And since it’s by nature a wild setup it allows for all kinds of extremity and maximalism—when you’re talking about sex pollen or magic dicks or zombies, it’s kind of pointless trying to tone anything else down (even though I do tend to engage with writing crack in a more naturalistic way).

Angst is fine, smut is fine; smut is, for me, more often than not a writing exercise. It’s incredibly technical and challenging (sometimes tedious) to write, not because I lack for imagination, but because it’s almost entirely mechanics, which is up there with the tedium of describing a room. There’s a lot to keep track of from beat to beat, and since I’m under no illusions as to how closely the smut chapters/passages will be read, it’s more like writing stereo instructions—very clear, very detailed, one step to the next. It’s also a good challenge in that there’s a pretty limited vocabulary for doin’ it, so avoiding repetition is another huge element of writing smut that doubles as craft exercise.

Fluff is my least fav not because I don’t value it, but it’s . . . fluffy. It’s meant to be a confection. I’ve done it plenty of times; it’s easy, it’s cute. It’s often an excuse to write humor or comedy, which I find very fun! But it’s difficult to sustain for more than like, a one-shot or a scene without more depth starting to sneak in, at least pour moi. I also don’t love the whole hyper-domesticity angle that a lot of fluff relies on; it’s usually way heteroromantically structured, and I just have zero, or perhaps less than zero, interest in cozy family stories, particularly ones involving babies, which comes up a lot in Rizzles fluff. Just not my bag!

🍐: Oh, so many. Aside from the obvious (canon rizzles), I straight-up refuse to engage with Maura’s mob daughter storyline. It felt cheap and melodramatic at the time, and it feels cheap and melodramatic now. I’m half-convinced they just wanted to take advantage of the similarities between Sasha Alexander and Sharon Lawrence. It’s confusing, underdeveloped, and not something that feels true to anything—maybe it’s in the books, but on the show it just feels like a way to give Maura’s character Something Else To Make Her Interesting, and it just doesn’t, not least of all because the character doesn’t need that, she needs to explore all her other, already-rich backstories and relationships. Her neglectful adoptive parents are compelling enough, and I think narratively more believable and complex (or could be), but that’s also kind of shoved aside. And, per my usual complaint, it’s just unexamined trauma on top of unexamined trauma (like, yes they spend a lot of time on it, but it never feels integral to her—the stuff with Paddy, etc, has its arcs and stuff, but . . . who cares?). Anyway, I hate it! 

(love youuuuuuuu tho)

JUSTICE FOR MAURA ISLES

[adickaboutspoons]

Last night I dreamed Rhys and Taika were in a sequel to 1984 (I know. Of all the media that doesn't require a sequel. My brain is dumb. Go with me here) where Rhys was playing Winston, and the Ministry has decided that, as part of his post room 101 existence (punishment?) He was being assigned a roommate (played by Taika). And things were cordial as they could be when you think you've been assigned your own personal Big Brother - I'd even go so far as to say they were making inroads to being actual friends. But the movie kept focusing on shots of Winston!Rhys fixating on details that contradicted the accounts Roommate!Taika made of his day (like he'd talk about how he'd gone for a hike in the woods and the camera would cut to a close up of his immaculately clean shoes, and then to Rhys' guarded expression of mistrust). At one point, Roommate!Taika was telling a story about how he was late getting home because he'd had to shelter in place because of a drill in case of air raid by Eurasia (we have always been at war with Eurasia), and his gas mask had practically suffocated him. And Winston!Rhys responded by tracing his fingers over the obvious lack of mask marks on his face. To which Roommate!Taika responded with "So. The persiv part of our confinement has begun, has it?" (Persiv, in my dream, being newspeak for "personal space invasion" and understood to be basically equivalent to rape)

And then he kissed Winston!Rhys. A really good kiss, both of them clearly into it, just a hint of tongue. Like the kind of kiss to definitively put to rest all the hand-wringing about how weird and awkward ofmd s2 sex scenes might be.

And in my dream I was like 'WHY HAS THIS GIF NOT BEEN ALL OVER MY DASH?!?!" And got so excited at the prospect of sharing the clip (and using it in vids, honestly, because they didn't look TOO significantly different from their ofmd characters aside from costuming, and the kiss was enough of a close up that you could fudge it) that I woke up.

So sorry, gang. I wish I could export files directly from my brain meats to show you. 😔

[artistic-mathematics]

The thing about shipping in bg3 is... none of them are really non-canon?? As long as you're talking the origins obviously, you can literally play as any of them and romance any of the others. If somebody says Lae'zel and Shadowheart together makes no sense or couldn't work out, they are literally just wrong. That is an ending to the game that you can get. I have! If they don't like that ending, that's fine. They can choose a different one. But that doesn't make theirs MORE canonical somehow

And realistically, even in a Tav playthrough, Lae'zel and Shadowheart probably have more dialog interactions and relationship growth than any other two companions. Whose relationships tend to remain pretty static throughout the course of the game if you aren't playing as one and romancing the other. So I don't really get the argument that any of those ships have some obvious deep connection that this one is just lacking

(Also, funny enough, I think Karlach is the only person either Lae'zel or Shadowheart shows any outward sign of being attracted to, beyond a little no-strings sex for Lae'zel, until pretty late in the game when they've both become much more open versions of themselves. Everybody else is so flirty so quickly, but these two keep their cards close to the chest... except when it comes to Mama K, and we do not blame them for that lol)

this is very true! it's also why I love this game -- that you can romance anyone as anyone (well, aside from Jaheira and Minsc), including the origin characters.

I don't think the other anon meant that any ship is more or less canonical necessarily, just that they didn't see the appeal to it and felt it was lacking compared to other ships? but I certainly disagree with that. as you said, Lae'zel and Shadowheart have the most relationship growth by far, and I think if anything they probably have the deepest connection between companions by the end (aside from potentially Karlach and Wyll, and Minsc and Jaheira, though these two pairs knew each other before the events of the nautiloid).

yeah Karlach has 0 filter and I love her for it haha. and yeah, iirc Lae'zel and Shadowheart have the most emotionally soft act 3 romance cutscenes (even with Shadowheart's sex scene, it's much more emotionally charged than some of the others) and it just goes to show how both of them have progressed along the way. on one hand, Lae'zel is navigating this new emotion that she doesn't even understand in a world she used to detest, and is making a valiant effort at opening her heart (and succeeding!). on the other, Shadowheart is finally allowed to love openly (hence literally everything in her romance options up until that point are very tentative -- I mean for fuck's sake, if you fail the insight check you don't even get to kiss her at the waterfall and she disapproves) and is doing everything she can with this newfound freedom. they definitely are more discreet than the others when it comes to feelings, but damn does it make their act 3 scenes all the more sweeter.

[relzxency]

LMAO IM SORRY I FORGOT TO LINK IT HERE

okay here’s a new pjo fic i posted a few days before the show came out

Please LOG IN to your AO3 account to view my works.

will a man rob god?

relzxency//AO3

Relationships: Sally Jackson/Poseidon

Characters: Sally Jackson, Poseidon, Amphitrite, Hera, Paul Blofis (mentioned), Percy Jackson (as a baby), Original Family Members (Sally’s Uncle)

Word Count: 8,040

Chapters: 1/1

Additional Tags: Pre-Canon, First Meetings, Swearing, Mentions of Sex, Implied Sexual Content, Backstory

Summary: How did Sally Jackson meet the god of the sea?

Notes (PLEASE READ):

I actually don’t like this.

Yeah…this was meant to be a short, 1k words max writing practice, but once again my brain hates me so I shat this out instead.

This isn’t actually the full thing- I meant to write two more scenes between Sally’s meeting with Hera and the last scene, but I didn’t have the time and I wanted to get this out of there before the new series starts airing so unfortunately we’re stuck with this. And I think the lack of those scenes kinda made this entire thing worse, so oops

I also don’t like how I wrote about her financial situation (too inconsistent and unrealistic) and how she seems to have forgiven Poseidon very quickly (he doesnt deserve that). For the former, it rubs off the wrong way and honestly slipped my mind that she grew up working class when I started writing and it’s pretty obvious I realised that and tried to remedy that halfway in (why did I even write her like that in the first place? i dunno). For the latter, I think I just got lazy :/ she shouldn’t have to forgive Poseidon immediately after finding out she’s pregnant and Poseidon 100% doesn’t deserve that from her. BUT we’re stuck with this now. If you’re gonna comment on those - save urself the trouble because I KNOW 😭

And the whole piano scene just feels pretty jarring and out of place - it gets very technical mostly because i’m a music student. But it doesn’t flow nicely with the rest of the fic.

Aside from that, i think this helped me practice writing dialogue and inner monologues! But that’s about it…

[nikethestatue]

Hello Nike!

I am kind of young (17) and I started writing fanfiction recently. I love writing and it gives me so much pleasure and even though I don't share it with anyone, I think it's very satisfying.

My question to you is how do you ease into writing smut? I have all these ideas, but it feels kind of stupid to write it out? You write amazing sex scenes and they always seem so flawless, but when I try it feels very awkward. Also, I personally never had sex and I am not writing from experience. I think that it would be obvious to the reader. Any tips would be great!

Keep on writing yourself. You are truly talented.

Thanks Anon

This is an interesting question. First of all, congrats on starting to write! It could be so fulfilling, but can also drive you crazy. :) I always compare it to being perpetually pregnant--you are always full of ideas, you nurture them, you grow them, then you write them, and just when you are thinking that you are done, more characters and scenes and ideas invade your mind and it starts all over again.

Everyone's process is obviously different, but I think generally, I would recommend building up to a smut scene. For me, a smut scene has to make sense within the story. I know I've written some HIGHLY erotic scenes, but they all serve a purpose. Everything has to tie to the greater storyline, at least for me. And to me, gradual is best--just like in a relationship, you usually build up to sex, so it is in writing. Slow burn is popular for a reason. And it doesn't have to be glacial, but again, it has to make sense within your story. I think you want to encourage the readers to follow you on the journey.

In terms of mechanics and your own experience, or lack thereof, I don't think that the latter matters all that much. Ultimately, we write from our imagination. You can create worlds and scenes and relationships which are based purely on your imagination, and smut is the same thing. There are plenty of great smut writers who never had sex! And I read that the writer of the Kama Sutra was a monk who never had sex, and look at what he came up with. Talking about overactive imagination!

But that aside, yeah, your initial scenes might be cringy, but just keep going and it will get better and will become more natural. Also, don't force yourself. Sometimes, it just doesn't happen, and that's okay too. Don't pressure yourself if you don't feel like you are there yet. Concentrate on writing, not just writing smut.

Good luck!

[nothingneverforever]

A little bit of everything :)

For the longest time, I have wanted to write about The Split (Seasons 1-3, 2018-2022). And too for a long time, I have neglected almost all of the creative, literarily effortful sides of myself. I met with my literature teacher from my 2 years in India recently when he visited Singapore and was so moved to realise that for a while, I was known intimately by those around by as someone who wrote about the films I liked and didn't like and this was a part of my identity that 10 years on even a teacher can recall. And yet so disappointed to reflect on how I have left those selves behind. But today I sit at my personal laptop again possibly for the first time in a year with Lotus Inn by Why Don't We playing on loop, as it has been for the last two weeks straight. There is a psychosis to my music consumption where I almost never want to listen to anything but when I do, it can be something so painfully me that I had to get it tattooed on my back (#dawnmistglowing <3) or something that like tonight's, its band name alone tells you enough about the sheer lack of caliber. But it is simply perfection for the needs of the night and again I feel like the bestwalkhome Maya :)

Okay but a false start first before I try my absolute best to reconnect with the deep thinking, witty commenting, cute side of me...:

Had forgotten when my last post here was so I went to take a look and found Stuff I’ve just watched and almost completely did not enjoy (typically epic title sis!!!) from June 2023. It is so beautifully prophetic that this should have been my last paragraph:

... when the last two movies I have only just two hours ago finished watching by myself on Netflix were Horrible Bosses and Horrible Bosses 2. Hahahahahhaha.... fucking disgusting btw. Me i mean... for watching that shet and sitting through it for 4 hours wtf :'( am I that lonely?????

Okay but a lovely segue has found itself in: Want to hear of a show with indeed no freaking stupid idiot sex references or scene? But instead with the best sexual affair ever!?!?!!?

Tfw when you take part in the female-written female-led family law drama with equal parts shock and grief and sheer joy and confusion and ambiguous morality and beautifully affecting pain competition but your opponent is the split... Mic drop.... nuff said...

I had thought about so many angles I had wanted to take in putting my feelings on this show down. Perhaps the most obvious one would be to highlight the queen that is Nicola Walker and talk about how her presence made the show. Nicola Walker... whose eyes tell about five to seven stories on average with the slightest glance and re-focusing of her gaze, and whose unequalled skills graced River (2015), Unforgotten (Series 1-4, 2018-2021), creating the trifecta of some of the most intense, resonant, pure raw emotion-led dramas in British television history. Hyperbole aside, in complete honesty, that gaze of hers and the genuine empathy that oozes slowly, comfortingly, and so intelligently from her eyes is something that is too tooooooo inspiring for me at work omfg! I love you so much Nicola!!!

I had first watched season 1 years ago with my mother, and we had both loved it and cried along with it but it was the recent re-watching with Imran earlier this year (and my first watch of seasons 2 and 3) that made me think a lot harder.

Season 1 ended with Hannah (Nicola Walker) deciding, after bearing the weight of her husband's humiliating infidelity for the earlier episodes, to give in to her deepest suppressed feelings of attraction to her current colleague and ex-bestie and to sleep with him. And before he leaves London for a job in Chicago due to his misconceived perception that his attraction to Hannah wasn't returned, Hannah tells him simply, joyfully, the morning her estranged father died, to stay. Aiya shit I wanted to find the exact line she used and just paused to do a Google for 15 minutes to find either a stream online to find the episode or a website with the full scripts but no luck for both. She said something damn nice la it wasn't "stay", I remember in my first watch with my mother I thought it was but then I realised when re-watching that it was something else... Imran do you remember?!?! omg. Need to know now but ANYWAY it was a short phrase that shook the world because this was an upright and principled woman and mother and wife making a very clear conscious decision to have an affair. And most terrifying for the viewer (me... maybe other ppl dont care lol) was that we really, really wanted the affair for her.

This reminds me of the discussion Imran Jade and I just had last night about Trying (2020-2024) and how in a straight relationship, when a woman is unfaithful, it just hits different from when a man is. IT'S JUST FACTS OKAY?!!?!?

But still, that obvious life fact aside, I mean we were reaaally rooting for Hannah, and not just because her husband had been unfaithful prior. The affair (in season 1... ain't gonna talk about season 2 when she lost her mind hehe and was kissing in her office with the door open wtf ew!) was something fulfilling, cathartic, meaningful and natural. And it takes a lot for me to say this iykyk!!!

So anyway, that was the initial angle I was considering - more of an analysis of the actor's genius to make an otherwise controversial subplot something that heals us. But then a while later, I watched this on Netflix this year:

Honestly wouldn't have clicked on it but Aki wanted to watch it with my mother and I needed an excuse to do some cardio so skipping while watching the first episode it was. And immediately I knew there was something else beneath the surface of the deadbeat abusive father... something quieter and more sensitively done than I'd expected from the promotional content (e.g. the above picture). And when the credits rolled, I was able to put my finger on it:

Abi Morgan, who wrote/created not only The Split and Eric, but also River... You know the storytelling ability is certifiably legendary when an almost-any-and-every-female-written-show-loving-cinephile like me enjoyed in uniquely different ways all three shows independently before realising they were from the same brain.

So after this realisation, I thought hmm... what stands out about The Split goes beyond Nicola Walker's brilliance but is really about what a story is, can be, how it can challenge, frustrate, and bring so much self-awareness to the viewer. And I have to love Abi Morgan so so so much for this.

Oh but one last thing about Nicola Walker if I may: Unforgotten genuinely turned the British crime/police thriller genre on its head, even more so than Broadchurch (2013-2017) which had a similar thread of humanness running through it, and the distinguishing factor between these two is indeed Nicola Walker's skills. And when she is up against Olivia Coleman in the similar lead role in Broadchurch... that's how you know she is Her <3

Uhh... I think I am done hehe. Did I in fact say anything at all about the show? Perhaps not at all. Some final smatterings:

Tamil pride whoooo (one of the sister's husbands, James, in The Split is seemingly Tamil and the actor's family name is Dharmalingam and his wiki says he's of Sri Lankan heritage so imma just assume he's Jaffna Tamil ba

Well-done subplot of how being a wonderful, perhaps even the best father =/= being a good partner and husband

Should I study to be a lawyer some day???? And slay it like a boss?!

Okay since this post was all sound and fury signifying literally nothing, let me show that there is still some of the 2015 film-analysist self in me (bruh just pause and think about how fucking epic my The Amazing Spider Man 2 x Ralph Ellison's Invisible Man post was... wtaf!!!), I need to show off about two parallels I observed in Inside Out 2 (2024) that I finally saw in cinemas today:

Wasn't the cinematic representation of the 'beliefs' a lot like Wreck-it-Ralph 2's insecurities virus manifestation?

And also a few very Soul (2020)-esque scenes and specific moments and moods right? Yall got notice? No right just me cos I'm so smart?!!?!?

Keke

Night all... Some day I shall be so so so serious and real again. It is always in there, it is. I know it is <3

Pls listen best song ever:

[benevolentgodloki]

KH17 - What are some of the more dangerous kinks that Loki is interested in? How does he plan ahead for a scene that may be dangerous, or a scene with a kink that he hasn’t explored that may be triggering? What kind of preventative measures does he take to avoid potential harm?

[Kinky Headcanon Prompts]

// I suppose the most dangerous kink off the top of my head is sex with a weapon pointed at him. Aside from having a few magical tricks up his sleeve and knowing his own capabilities, he wouldn't really plan ahead. It's not necessarily a healthy means of approaching things, but as a god Loki isn't quite as severely/permanently damaged by trauma in the way humans are. He's still hugely affected, being an emotional creature, but he can brush things off when he needs to and it takes a lot more to break his brain in a way that would cause him lasting harm.

He is not into being choked (for obvious reasons XD) but he does like to play at threatening it to others. It would not be a choking pressure, however. For human partners, if they were in a safe relationship together, he'd do whatever they needed to feel secure when exploring such a kink (some sort of stop signal or the like). He would prefer not to do actual choking though. He reserves that for shows of Asgardian dominance with enemies. Sorry, Tony.

For most dangerous kinks with him as the subject he'll either flat out refuse to do them or they won't particularly affect him considering his strength and powers.

The most emotionally/mentally dangerous kink he'd be into is his interest in mild rape fantasy whether being the sub or dom. For secure partners he would agree a safety signal if they wanted one, though for himself he prefers not to use one and will trust himself to get out of a situation (even if it's not a healthy way of handling it). In a hateship/toxic/spur of the moment thing he wouldn't even mention the concept. For clarity, this sort of fantasy in his ideal is where he or his partner is fully into what's happening and only feigning a lack of consent and it's very much "noooo but damnit yes" rather than a complete rejection, which would be a massive turn-off. It's about being wanted and irresistible. For his partner to do it to him, it's about the thrill of being overpowered and aroused by them.

[allforafro]

in today's live report more emoticons, because somehow I could not find the right words

There are also a few sentences taken out of context, the meaning of which I no longer remember

but I hope you like it anyway

3.10

Eclipse? I wonder if that will make sense

I think you have a lot in common

You make a great partnership lol

Good question. why is it always her? give her a rest

Lock her in a cell

aww 🥰 it's nice to watch peter and nathan's interactions, the tenderness, care and love between them is good

Yes! the Petrelli brothers duo steps into action

this is terrible

why does he need these organs? probably science

his hand yuck

Mohinder, you really thought that Arthur was interested in helping you, to me it looks like he only wants to use you

whatever

I understand that daphne has concerns about what arthur might do but i think she should tell matt the truth

they came to them 😆

we will all die. don't dramatize it, probably only some people will die

I get it, sometimes Noah's need for control and protection is terrible

I wonder if they will be waiting for them in this house?

how is he going to read his mind if he doesn't know Japanese

🥲

I try to be responsible. I guess so, but telling dad everything every five minutes sounds like a lack of trust on dad's part

Xd elle

NO!!! bad sylar, killing is bad

sylar is traumatized after being almost killed by a group of heroes

monster 😳

yuck! spider web or other stuff

It's good that they talked about it

I don't know why but I feel like Arthur underestimates Nathan and treats him like a pushover or something

I wanted to ask who's side Tracy is on, but it's probably obvious that it's hers

hostile eclipse begins

what?! what he is doing?

it's disgusting but at least Mohinder looks sexy again

It took Arthur and Mohinder a long time to figure out what the eclipse was about, but it only took Peter a moment, clever

it's better to go as the map shows

this scene is funny when matt tries to use his ability

brothers' quarrel

the Haitians got tired of waiting for them so he found them himself

there is no power 😏

you should have practiced more

claire no

exactly matt even without powers you can be her hero

listen to Peter and help him

I hope they don't do anything to Nathan

why no one wants to listen to Sandra, this woman makes the most sense in this family

she has trouble walking

you have always been, idiot, the powers did not make you more, grow up at last

will he kill them? We'll find out in the next episode

3.11

you think well peter

it's not power that makes you a hero peter

and they just had sex in an abandoned house, it's kinda weird

he shot her

traces of blood

noah the hunter

well said

I guess I should take it more seriously

why is he looking through this book backwards?

Did he think it would change his point of view?

with big people who had power it usually turned out that their paranoia was justified

dang don't let yourself get burned, mo

let yourself be helped daphne

I'm not surprised, I think so too

I'm not surprised, I would also be skeptical

that's right, noah is better than you now

but has he really changed for good?

😭😭 don't break down claire, no!!!!

hunter vs. hunted, just who's who

are you trying to deal with him with psychology?

hopeless, his daughter dies and he wastes time on revenge, I understand he is angry but he should be by her side now

is he dead?

she died no 😭

the eclipse ended and they regained their powers

listen to him daphne matt is right

what will happen to peter?

yes, nathan came to his aid

I doubt you can cope against the Haitian's ability

and everything went back to what it was before 🥲

he doesn't believe it but he's a comic book salesman, what wouldn't you do for money?

jokes aside, good motivational speech

the best day of your life

ok, I had to calm down for a moment, I laughed at this exchange between Noah and Sylar in the Bennet house

it happened, the truth had to come out, the truth usually has that, you can't escape from it

bad man, save the cheerleader, hiro is brilliant

he gave the sketches to the courier, things get interesting

I understand where Nathan's idea comes from, it's actually not that bad, but how can you be sure that you will give the powers to the right person - a good one?

I doubt arthur wants to help people for good intentions

that's right mohinder, no medicine will help you fight your dark side

why don't you tell him the truth

you don't trust him?

wtf! where did you get this nonsense gabriel, people can change but it requires constant work on yourself

why did you kill her? 😭 bad sylar bad, -50 points to liking character

ok, what's next?

3.12

hiro is funny

if you don't know what's going on, it's better to stick together, otherwise without hiro you won't be able to get back to the present

wait, if I understand their conversation correctly, doesn't hiro's mother mean that she is the catalyst, wow

so they gave the catalyst to claire, right?

healer

scene when they talked together in the same time was funny

I wonder if he recognized him

good that at least the phone works

he set her on fire, at least he gave her some burial

From what we have seen so far, it seems that Arthur is willing to sacrifice everything to achieve his goal

yeah, he has a vision that you are president (flashbacks to five years gone) this is definitely your place. I don't know why but I feel bad for Nathan

random, well that's usually the way it goes in genetics

of course it has to be a super soldier project, sigh - a classic

how adorable

Claire has a good hand with kids (whispers, is that how they say it in english?)

scenes with little Claire were adorable and had me smiling the whole time

cake? seriously, you couldn't come up with anything better

war is a terrible thing

less wind, good

it was obvious that he would want to escape

don't show touching scenes because I can't cry when I'm sick

he trusted her, oh noah, even if you don't know that you are talking to your daughter, you somehow feel your connection

no, she will help him and die 🥲

at least she died knowing that hiro had reconciled with his father 😭

I've only known hiro's mom for one episode but I already love her

There's nothing wrong with wanting to save your father, peter

random thought - what if arthur isn't the dangerous threat

ok, the elevator scene 👌

where did he come from?

we have a problem

At least he's alive, although in his current state I don't know if that's that much consolation

I can not look at this

I'd also be afraid to take medicine from a mutant guy

oh shit

Maybe it's just me, but I feel like they were a bit lame in getting rid of such a powerful character as Arthur. but on the other hand, how else would they do it? well at least peter didn't kill him

strong

3.13

Petrelli brothers another clash

good thing peter hit him, this plan has many flaws, how can nathan not see it

atmosphere like in a horror

he will keep them locked up until only one of them remains

your motley crew has little chance of defeating him

this text was great claire

in a sense, yes, but not necessarily, not definitely, you are different

but he's not there

yes, hiro pigeon will help you

interesting twist

I like that Matt has grown into the responsible one in the group

I hope wishful thinking works

little hiro and big hiro are a nice duo

no, this part is the worst only for you

Sylar is such a baby 🙄

these psychological games are interesting

Doyle - shudders

oh that noah

ok, officially matt, daphne, ando are the best team of the season

red lightning?

Oh my gosh, he can kill from a distance

How will they survive this?! someone help them

the word you are looking for is jealousy. admit to yourself that you envy him

what power does he have?

well, if she runs fast enough, she will be able to go back in time, like flash - if they read comics, they would know that

so ando can supercharge others' powers

lol I thought it was him who grabbed her hand, damn this episode is great

I know I'm stating the obvious here, but Sylar, you know nothing about love

what did you expect

uff, good thing they made it before Hiro's father cut him

he apologized to her before he hit her

why do they have to fight

peter used the formula on himself to save nathan 🥹

Angela tries to manipulate the situation until the end to get out of the situation alive

Damn she knows what to say

no

nathan villain arc

I can't wait for the next part

[b-rainlet]

They did drop the line about Aemond at 13 being traumatized by a brothel visit set up by Aegon so there is a male SA victim narrative going on with Aemond. And just a big pile of Aegon as rapist narratives: Helaena, Dyana, technically Aemond, implied children in the pit? This is why while I did not read the Helaena speech as "He rapes me" I believe it was the writing team's intention. At this point, I just wonder who'll be next

Oh it's definitely the writer's intention but I simple dislike that they chose to portray Aegon as a rapist in the first place.

It just very much feels like an easy way for the writers to go 'See how evil Aegon is?? This is why Rhaenyra should be on the throne!' instead of simply letting Aegon be a pawn in King's clothing.

It's not even the fact that people could've rooted for him! Like, I am pretty sure Aegon is one of the few people on this show who actively dislike sitting on the throne and who would be happy to bend the knee and that's the goddamn tragedy of the story! That even though Rhaenyra was named heir and Aegon has no interest in being heir, people will keep on pushing Aegon to ursurp his sister simply based on the fact that he is male.

Why do you need to add an 'Oh, he's also a bad person!' to that? I don't really think it does anything at all for the story.

So I personally would've enjoyed them showing Rhaenyra and Aegon as two sides of the same coin, as people who are both suffering from expectations which are put upon them simply based on their gender.

That would've made both of them more interesting as people and it would've expanded the narrative of 'women suffering under the patriarchy' to 'people who don't fit rigid gender roles and archaic stereotypes suffer under the patriarchy' which I think would've been truly feminist.

(Little side note here, but I think a lot of shows/movies try to incorporate feminism into their writing but then forget that feminism includes everybody and that's how we end up with a few 'woke' buzzwords in some scenes and the same fucking problems still).

Then there's the thing about the Aemond scene. You're right, Aemond definitely is/could be framed as a SA victim there, but given that they don't address the fact that Aegon is one too - but go out of their way to imply that Helaena is, even though it's obvious neither of them want to have sex with each other and Aegon must be suffering from that too - we'll see how far they'll go with that or if they decide to drop it once it's time for Aemond to impregnate Alys.

(I personally hope they make him as shy and skittish and uncomfortable as possible around the concept of sex because it would fit into what they tried to allude to with said scene but we'll see).

You know which other guy was forced to sleep with somebody purely because of pressure from Westerosi Society? Laenor.

And aside from a throwaway line about him and Rhaenyra trying and it not working, most of the focus there is on Rhaenyra - and I get it, she's the main character, her having bastards weakens her claim to the throne blah blah, but if they were so hellbound on making Aegon the 'new Joffrey' they could've at least used Laenor to shed some light on male suffering but no.

I simply think the show is lacking in that department and it's especially sad for Aegon because he's such a tragic character but now he's reduced to rapist and that's it.

[springtrappd]

1: yeah, but setting aside like, real-world politics around gender and its expression, the series has long operated by "it's a robot, stop overthinking it" rules regarding gender (see: mangle, funtime foxy, spring bonnie, etc). also i didn't want anyone to derail the post with "well they're not TECHNICALLY men!!1!!1" </3

2: it is precisely the fact that he's a minor character that makes vanny's lack of respect so obvious; why is he given an expanded role and endlessly analysed, while vanessa/vanny are dismissed as fundamentally uninteresting by virtue of... being disinteresting? it's circuitous logic, and a thought trap we can see people fall into in real-time every time a topic like this comes up. it's also a take that collapses in on itself the minute you understand that sun/vanessa and moon/vanny are intended as parallels, as op does:

because it requires acknowledging that yes, these characters are incredibly similar. deeply so. vanessa and sun are both characterised as anxious and guilt-ridden, prone to getting agitated when things don't go their way; sun quotes vanny in his singular scene (saying "are you having fun yet?" if you wait a bit), vanny's room has both a moon-themed blanket and shares the same cursed cabinet present in the dca's room. sun and vanny both skip, moon shares the same glowing red eyes and nefarious intent; they're both theatrical and associated with the performing arts. moon performs the same finger-wiggling in his jumpscare that vanny does when she runs at you, for christ's sake -- they are, at the very least, partners in the trap they've found themselves in.

and it's absolutely true that the crumbs of vanessa's character are spread largely across optional content, but that's where the dca being a minor character with barely-comparable screentime comes in -- because it isn't as if people simply look at the dca's scene, go "wow, i love him!" and then move on. no, they spend hours obsessing over it, exploring the daycare, memorising the theme; they pour over environmental details and scattered implications, spinning webs of theories and headcanons and fanon so vast it dwarfs their presence in the game itself. they invent personality traits and conflicts and relationships perhaps only barely hinted upon in the text, dedicate thousands of words and brush strokes and hours to building what they love -- to building something that they can love.

but what makes him worthy? what makes the clutter of his room worthy of careful consideration, but the impersonal emptiness of vanny's just another room to look at? having a sick-ass design isn't the only thing here -- as op acknowledges, vanny kicks ass -- and it isn't game mechanics, because vanny and moon share the exact same fucking game mechanics. hell, vanny even has one unique to her: when stunned, she rockets forward instead. anyone who has played the game can tell you that vanny and moon are, over the course of the game, the exact same level of threatening -- that is to say, zero. yes, the daycare sequence is terrifying, but moon's presence outside of that is just as a jumpscare that fires if you fuck up the arbitrary timed event! you barely notice he's there if you're not looking. so why are people looking?

as always, this take can't exactly be divorced from the context of the wider fandom it's made for. when i say that "vanessa is either a sex object or matriarch", i mean that that is the two roles she is sorted into: she is either the salacious, cruel villain or the soft, good-natured caretaker -- and that duality is in and itself borne of misogyny, because those are the roles that women are sorted into, too. are you the cold-hearted bitch or the homely sweetheart? (notice how these are both defined by how they treat men?)

and here lies the crux of the matter: that people think of misogyny as an action, something that happens, not something that is. that misogyny is thinking women shouldn't vote and bragging about how many chicks you've harassed and whistling at girls on the street. but it isn't; it is the doubled rate of eating disorders in women vs men, it is the wage gap, the education gap, period blood staining the schoolgirl's seat, the doctor answering reports of pain with have you tried having children yet? or a careful nod and a mental health referral, it is every ao3 archive dominated by men with .2 seconds of screentime, it is the immense popularity of shounen and yaoi over shoujo and yuri, it is the centuries spent building our society on the foundation of women's suffering. and none of us can escape that legacy, and the ways that it impacts us. the ways that we think. the things that we build.

and maybe it isn't that deep, and yeah, people forcibly cutting her out of the story in favour of michael or sun or whoever is ultimately just fandom doing what fandom does. but there's a commonality here, between the characters held up in her place, and the ways in which she is put down; there's a trend in how these discussions are held, and in the language used about her. and maybe i'm just an sjw bitch reaching for conclusions that aren't there, and maybe there really is some other, justifiable difference between the worthy and damned, but i'd like you to consider this: why, of all characters, was vanny/vanessa the one sacrificed in the rush to release?

what made him worthy of saving?

oh boy I wonder why this masc character has a huge fanbase compared to a woman with the exact same deal that he's intended as a parallel for. I wonder why people obsess over and extend sympathy towards the man over the woman. I wonder why she's either commonly hated or objectified. I wonder why people are willing to obsessively analyse and elaborate upon what little content there is of these male characters while dismissing the woman with the exact same deal as inherently boring and unworthy of deeper thought. I fucking wonder why

[tomwambsmilk]

“Does Shiv love Tom” is such a tired question but on the same kind of topic, how attracted to Tom do we think Shiv is?

Well that's the hundred-million-dollar question, isn't it? Even more so than "does shiv love tom", which is sort of interesting in the sense that it forces you to consider different experiences and expressions of love, and then stops being interesting as soon as you encounter the people who answer it with a definitive and misguided 'no' (or worse - 'she's an emotional abuser').

Obviously I have to acknowledge the lesbian shiv truthers out there. I'm not one of them, and we'll get to why in a second, but I absolutely understand that school of thought and I think it's very valid; while I don't think it's the intended interpretation I think there's enough in canon to make it plausible. And if you're part of the 'repressed lesbian shiv' school of thought, then the obvious answer is 'no, but this doesn't mean she doesn't love him'.

Personally, I think Shiv was intentionally written as being attracted to men, mainly because I think there's a pretty clear attraction between her and Nate. At the beginning of season 1, Shiv and Tom aren't regularly having sex (hence why he tells her pussy that he misses it - aside from being a peak cringe moment that's actually giving us some critical information about the state of the relationship). Obviously, a lot of things could be responsible for this - they could just be too busy (which looks like it's partially true), or Shiv could just have a low sex drive.

However - there is obvious chemistry between her and Nate that doesn't seem to exist between her and Tom. I'm saying this as someone who loathes Nate with every fibre of my being. I do not like him. I do not ship shivn*te. In fact, it's maybe the only succession ship that actively makes my skin crawl. But. Both 1.06 and 1.07 actively juxtapose Shiv's interactions with Tom and Nate against each other, and I think those juxtapositions make it clear that Shiv has a lot more sexual desire for Nate than she does for Tom.

I think this is especially highlighted in the fact that all of the scenes where she and Tom start to have sex are either a) moments of very intense emotion (like the wedding night) or b) Shiv has upset Tom in some way and this is how she's trying to reach out to him and fix it. We don't see her initiating sex just for the sake of it, and we do see her do that with Nate. Sure, it could theoretically be happening offscreen, but I think its absence is pretty intentional.

(There's also the actor she sleeps with in 1.03, who I'd probably put somewhere between Nate and Tom on the scale of "how sexually attracted is Shiv to him". She doesn't have the same level of chemistry she does with Nate, but there is chemistry, and I think more attraction than she has with Tom.)

On the other hand, she clearly doesn't feel safe with Nate in the same way she does with Tom. (Which is probably a good call on her part). And I think this highlights the fundamental dichotomy in how Shiv relates to men: the men that she is attracted to are not the ones she feels safe with, and vice versa. (I'm saying men specifically because I don't think she has the same problem with women, although the show hasn't explored Shiv's possible attraction to women enough for that to be definitive.)

And I think this is largely Logan's fault. Beyond just the general insecurity and lack of trust resulting from his emotional abuse - I think Shiv is attracted to men who are like Logan in some way, but she absolutely doesn't feel safe with them, much like she doesn't feel safe with Logan. Logan's right when he points out that she's with Tom because she's afraid of being betrayed; what he misses is that he's the one who's instilled that fear in her. Sure, it's probably been reinforced by other relationships, but that's only because (I would bet) she's been dating people who are vaguely logan-esque.

Part of the irony of her relationship with Tom is that I do think there are logan-like qualities to him, but they're largely suppressed during the first two seasons of the show. And while this might not be entirely conscious on Tom's part, I think it's at least somewhat intentional; he does sometimes repress the kinds of tendencies that would make Logan respect him because he's aware of the fact that those tendencies are going to harm his relationship with Shiv. I don't think he's fully thought through why, I think he just knows that certain things trigger bad reactions, or create distance. I think Tom does have the potential to be the kind of man Shiv would be attracted to, but has opted instead (in the first two seasons) to be someone she would feel safe with.

Which highlights one of the tragic and somewhat infuriating aspects of her relationship with Logan - he's not going to respect anyone who loves Shiv enough to prioritize her over their own ambitions or, more to the point, him. The kind of 'killer'-type personality he would respect would also be willing to throw Shiv under the bus if need be. This is fundamentally why Tom isn't able to please both Shiv and Logan, although he doesn't realize how extreme that dichotomy is until... well, honestly I don't think he fully realizes it until the end of season 3. But my broader point is that it isn't a coincidence that by becoming someone Shiv can't feel safe with he's also become someone Logan can respect.

[qu0kkarambles]

Day 3 - Choi Yeonjun

Warnings- smut (minors dni), wax play, friends with benefits, unprotected sex, kink exploration

You never thought you’d be interested in a friends with benefits relationship. You’d always figured you were an all or nothing type of girl. But when your ex had dumped you over text and you’d met yeonjun at a party, his offer was appealing. No strings attached, regular sex and it helped that he was easily the hottest guy there that night. So you agreed.

Your meetings became more and more frequent as you each became addicted to the other. Addicted to the taste of his skin, the feel of his body against your own, addicted to the sound of his moans in your ear. And he was equally addicted to you. Your perfume, your smeared makeup, your shaking legs once he was finished with you.

You’d had your arrangement for almost three months now. Always seeing him more than twice a week, often veering into unknown territory and exploring both of yours kinks. It was easy to explore with him, the lack of serious relationship leaving no room for judgement. If you liked something he wasn’t into, there was no love lost.

You’d had many successes, and a couple of failures, but nothing you couldn’t both laugh about afterwards. And tonight would be no different. Another late night text, another kink explored. Same as always.

This time when yeonjun arrived at your door with a wide grin and a black plastic bag which you recognised from the local sex shop clutched in hand, you knew it would be an interesting night.

‘Candles?’ You questioned as he finished fishing a number of black and red candles from the bag, setting them on the bed with a black lighter beside them.

‘Wax play. Have you heard about it?’ He asked you, looking from the candles to you and back again.

‘I mean…yeah but I’ve never tried it. Won’t it hurt?’ You asked, sceptical of whether you’d enjoy this particular side of yeonjuns kinks.

‘It won’t hurt princess I promise. And if you dont want to, we don’t have to.’ His reassuring smile coupled with the calm in his voice convinced you.

Laid out bare on the bed for him, clothes stripped and thrown aside, you held your arms to the headboard as yeonjun stood over you. Lighter in hand, he lit the first black candle, watching fascinated as the wax began to melt. Slowly tipping the candle, you watched almost in slow motion as a droplet of candle wax dripped from the candle in his hand to your stomach, landing on your cool skin and quickly hardening.

‘You ok?’ His eyes met yours as he checked on how you were feeling. Surprisingly, you were fine. You had thought that the hot wax would burn, maybe even be painful, but actually, the heat was intense and perfect. And watching the way the wax dropped onto your skin and cooled against you, it affected you more than you cared to admit. Nodding your head in reply to him, he continued to tilt the candle in his grasp, more drops falling from a height against your body. The small droplets landed all over your torso, some landing close by to each other and meeting as they hardened.

A hiss was pulled from your lips as wax hit close to your nipple, the unexpected heat sending arousal straight to your core. ‘Fuck junnie, feels so good’ you moaned out to him.

‘You like it?’ His grin was obvious in his words, amused watching you try to squirm beneath him. You’d been too preoccupied by the dripping candle wax that you hadn’t noticed how much this scene was affecting yeonjun. You felt his arousal against you now as he began to drip more wax onto your body. Moving your hand to grasp him, you chuckled as he let out a high whine at your sudden contact. It was clear this was something you were both enjoying more than expected.

‘Fuck y/n I won’t last if you keep that up’ he said through gritted teeth as your hand increased its pace, quickly getting him fully hard.

‘Fuck. Need you to fuck me junnie’ you moaned into his ear, no sign of hesitation as he lined himself up with your entrance. Plunging himself in, he stayed still for a moment, allowing you to adjust to his size. Though you’d slept with yeonjun many times, the stretch was still delicious. And even more so when he continued to drip wax onto your body. Small moans slipped from your lips, gasps leaving your body with each droplet. Across your chest, along your torso, a small trail covering your body. Once your breathing had slowed slightly, he began to thrust into you, his pace slow and steady as he bought you closer to your high.

He knew your body insanely well, knowing just the angle to hit to have you crumbling around him. Your moans became louder, curses strewn together as he worked you closer to your release. He hit your spot perfectly every time, his slow and calculated thrusts pushing you over the edge before you even realised you were close. You clenched around him, moaning into his ear as he chased his own high, eventually pulling away from you.

His release joined the wax in covering your torso, a beautiful tapestry across your body to remind you both of your beauty. As he caught his breath, you sat picking at the hardened wax across your stomach, peeling pieces from your skin as you absentmindedly twiddled your fingers. He quickly turned to you, lifting your body to carry you to the en-suite. Within minutes, the shower was running and you were both encompassed in the steam of the bathroom as he cleaned your body of his masterpiece.

Dried and tucked into bed, he placed a gentle kiss against your forehead. ‘We should use these again princess’ he said eyes motioning to the bag of candles in his hand. With a cheeky grin and a quick goodbye, he was gone. And you slept content in your bed, thankful for that fateful night. And his irresistible offer.

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