#asexual stereotypes

[biteofboredom]

not to perpetuate stereotypes or anything but i just fell down the stairs running for garlic bread because i smelt it coming out the oven

[scriptlgbt]

Hi there!

I’m currently in the mid-stages of plotting out a sci-fi series with an lgbtq+ protagonist, who is specifically asexual and lesbian, so she has a female love interest but isn’t interested in sex nor does she experience sexual attraction to any gender. I’m having a few doubts about how to properly represent this character without enforcing any stereotypes about ace people.

For some background, my character is a woman in her late 20s in a sci-fi future where sexual orientations aren’t really a big deal, so people can date/marry/have sex with any gender. But I am worried that because of her personality and situation, her being asexual might come off as a very poor sterotype. She lives mostly alone and has no friends or family at first, and also does not trust other people becaue of events in her past and the grim world she lives in, where crime is very high. She’s also socially awkward due to her lack of interaction with people on a personal level, and is very closed off at first.

However, as the series progresses, she learns to trust others and work with a team, and she becomes more outgoing and less awkward, and never questions her sexuality along the way since she’s an adult and has known that she’s homoromantic/ace for a long time.

I’m worried that these traits may come off as harmful despite her positive character development, the explicit repetition of her sexuality (aka it never changes nor do other people try to change her) and my best intentions. Do you have any advice as to how to ensure she isn’t falling into this stereotype?

- thanks, <3

In general if you're ever worried about depicting one character as a stereotype, having other characters of the same or similar identities (like in this case having someone who is aro or ace who experiences attraction of some other genre besides their aro or aceness would probably work) who do not share the qualities you're worried about is a good call.

But largely I also want to point out that a stereotype becomes a problem when you divorce it from humanity. If you've researched the different ways someone can experience asexuality and written this person as a whole person, and made it clear in-text that these aren't related traits, I think you're golden.

That said: this is probably just a minor wording issue or lack of info given here, but I want to mention that lots of ace people do have interest in sex, whether academic or as a hobby or whatever else. Not having an interest in having sex is a part of many people's asexuality, but it is not a universal default experience. It's the presence of attraction or not which defines asexuality.

mod nat

[prototypesteve]

In fairness, “Asexual Graphic Designer” is pretty much a dead giveaway that I’m the kind of person who’s going to build an indoor thunder cloud and stick googly eyes on all the wire-strippers.

Idk maybe reducing people to their labels and judging their character based on that instead of their actions is getting us absolutely nowhere in terms of social progress

[cosmicredcadet]

Some of you people need to stop acting so shitty over aspec stereotypes because it's starting to get to a point that you are just shitting on the people who experiences match the stereotypes and it's hurting a lot more aspects than it's helping.

[stellewriites]

and harmonise

showing all parts of myself a bit of love here while i figure out my place on the aroace spectrum

gaz x reader

aro gaz, ace reader, fluff

you’d realised you’d liked kyle for a few months now. it felt inevitable given your close friendship, his cracking smile and caring nature; plus those egregiously tight, but oh so flattering, workout shorts he insisted on wearing throughout the summer.

the slow development of feelings snuck up on you until one day you realised the urge to kiss him was blaring like a siren in the back of your mind as you listened to him talk about some album his mate johnny had lent him. you’d not panicked though, it had felt only natural to fall for him. as one of your closest friends, you knew first hand how lovely he was; in fact, you were surprised it hadn’t happened sooner.

you also knew nothing would come of it. the entire time you’d known gaz, he’d never once really dated, the few people he’d introduced to your friend group were never officially titled girlfriend or partner and didn’t stick around for long. you’d always dismissively assumed he maybe wasn’t keen on commitment, and since you didn’t date all that much either, the topic never came up between the two of you.

you’d met on a work’s night out at christmas seven years ago. he was a coworker’s friend that had come to meet them in the pub and you’d hit it off immediately when you coincidentally sat near each other at the table.

by the end of the night you’d swapped numbers and started to hang out more and more often; as the years went by, you’d only gotten closer.

this came to a head one evening when you were sat on his couch, sprawled next to him after finishing your takeout and watching his football team lose on tv.

you’d been flirting lightly all evening, teasing him as his team missed easy passes and stealing his food while he threw his arm over the cushion behind you and pushed his plate closer. you felt something brewing between the two of you and after a few encouraging messages from your friends you finally decided you were going to ask him out when he walked you home later.

his phone pinged on the coffee table in front of you and you snickered when you saw johnny’s name. “looks like you’ll owe johnny fifty quid in about an hour,” you said and kyle groaned into his hands.

curled over with his elbows on his knees you rubbed his back

“guess pizza’s on me next time then,” you said and he looked up at you with unimpressed eyes.

“you’re meant to say my team will pull through, babes. win at the last second,” he huffed.

“i don’t like to lie to you,” you simpered sarcastically. you nudged him playfully when he rolled his eyes.

he looked at you then, your glistening eyes and teasing smile, and leant down for a soft kiss, his tongue making an eager appearance but barely brushing against your lips before he was pulling back.

he hovered close and you giggled quietly, cut off when he dipped back in, firmer this time. you kissed him back just as encouraging, held him close by the shoulders and licked into his mouth before he got the chance to tease.

you didn’t know how long you sat there for, separating for quick moments to catch your breath before going back for more, magnetised and desperate to be close.

when you finally took a minute to break free, breathless and giddy, you gained the courage to joke with him. “so what are we?” you asked the cliche dreaded question with a put on voice and an exaggerated expression. you broke after a moment and snorted a soft laugh.

kyle however had frozen. “uh, friends still?”

you paused in turn, surprised even if you were only originally kidding. you weren’t expecting to be anything right now, but the term friends didn’t sit right with you after that kind of kiss either. you frowned and your hands dropped from his shoulders. “what?”

kyle cleared his throat, growing a little cagey and defensive.

“i’m not looking for anything, you know? but this is fun, babes. it could be more fun even.” he gestured between you.

“oh. i don’t… kiss my friends like that.” you shook your head softly, but then moved to hold his hand. “not that im judging, but i mean, i thought you liked me?”

“i do,” he nodded. his sweet eyes were genuine.

“but you don’t even want to try dating me?”

he sighed, jaw growing tense as he shook his head. he pulled his hand free from yours and ran it anxiously over his hair.

“i don’t like you like that,” he admitted softly, hesitantly, eyes guarded.

“oh,” you said, hurt. you pulled your hands close in your lap and bit the inside of your cheek. “ok. you just like me for sex.”

“i like you as a close friend,” he corrected firmly. “and yeah i think you’re very sexy and beautiful and i’d enjoy having sex with you, but that’s secondary.”

you felt your reflexive upset start to fade as you listened to him properly and you nodded. “i’m not built for casual i think, ky,” you said with a strained smile.

he nodded.

“not everyone is, it’s ok.” he sat back to give you both room. “are we ok though?”

you nodded immediately. it wasn’t his fault you were sensitive to rejection and the topic of sex that usually came hand in hand with it; scorned as you were by one too many previous partners that didn’t stay interested once you set your boundaries.

“yeah! it’s just— it’s funny really, because i’m literally like wired to not be into what 90% of casual is. i’m ace.” you felt the need to explain. might as well tell him since you’d already kissed the guy.

his eyes brightened. “you’re asexual?”

“…yeah, you know what that means?” you felt your shoulders start to relax.

he nodded. “i’m aromantic.”

“oh!” you started to huff a laugh. “fucking hell, that makes sense. ok, so we’re like two sides of the same coin then.”

he smiled down at you once more, his body relaxing and his arm finding its way to the back of your seat again. “looks like. what’re the odds, eh?”

you snorted. “jeez, it really wouldn’t have worked out. i would’ve been way too needy for affection for you, and i doubt you’d be happy with only getting your dick sucked every tuesday.”

he frowned, offended. “i like affection.” the hand over your shoulder tugged on your earlobe as if to prove it.

“shit, sorry i was just basing it off of the other aro people i’ve met before. i didn’t want to assume but i did exactly fucking that, put you in a box.” you winced.

“oi, apology accepted so stop beating yourself up, babes,” he knocked your shoulders together before turning to face you head on. “seriously, stop. i’m into that sort of thing and you won’t want to take care of it.”

you sputtered a deep laugh and slapped his chest as he grinned down at you.

“so…” he said after your laughter slowed down and silence took over. you looked up to see him pouting. “you’re saying you don’t want to keep kissing?”

you shrugged, reticent. “i still don’t kiss my friends like that.”

he nodded, grabbed his drink and chugged the last gulp back.

“and what if we weren’t friends?”

“but you just said you don’t like dating,” you said. “or like implied it.”

“and you don’t like sex, but you’d be willing to try sucking my dick every tuesday,” he joked, but you saw the serious look in his eye. “it doesn’t have to be dating or like— we can make it what we want. our rules for what we’d like from our relationship.”

you stared at him, speechless.

“so we wouldn’t be dating, but we’d be together?”

he nodded shyly. “if you wanted to try it.”

you pulled out your phone and searched on google ‘queer platonic relationship’.

“like this?” you tilted the screen so he didn’t have to lean so far into your shoulder, but he didn’t move away.

“sure, if the label helps.”

“i do like labels,” you mumbled under your breath. he smiled at you fondly. a thought occurred to you and you nervously bit at your fingernails before looking at him. “would we be exclusive?”

he thought for a moment. “is that what you’d want?”

you nodded. “i think so. at first at least.”

“then yeah, we could try that. if it works then great, if it doesn’t then we let the other know,” he said. he lifted your hand to wrap your pinkies together. “no holding shit in, babes. i know how you get.”

“fuck you, you’re just as avoidant,” you said but shook your hand lightly to indicate that you agreed. “so… we wouldn’t celebrate valentine’s day, but you would come do my weekly shop with me,” you said, trying to get your bearings.

“you could take me as your plus one to your friend’s wedding next month, but i won’t clap if you catch the bouquet,” he agreed.

you laughed, starting to get it. “even with the tax benefits we’d get from being married?”

he squinted at you. “ok, i’ll snap like at those pretentious poetry readings.”

you huffed and shook your head. his match had started back up and you watched the team run from one end to the other for a few quiet minutes.

“hey, we don’t have to decide now. we can talk about this more after you’ve thought about it,” he suggested lightly, watching you.

“why don’t you need to think about it?”

“i’ve done it before,” he said easily. “not with someone ace, but, you know, every relationship needs adjustments and this would be no different. we just need to feel it out as we go.”

“fuck,” you whispered. “that kinda convinced me.”

he rolled his eyes. “just have a think about it. i’ll come by yours tomorrow to grab you before gym and we can go over the details more on the way there, talk about do’s and don’ts, see if we’d actually fit or not.”

“what if we try it and it doesn’t work out?” you asked a little naively, voicing your biggest concern. you worried about the ‘what ifs’; what if you grew too attached, too jealous, or worse, tried to break your own boundaries to keep the relationship from ending.

you knew logically that you weren’t the type to get jealous, that kyle had always managed to balance his time between you and his older friends and that that wouldn’t suddenly change; you wouldnt be upset if he slept with other people given it wasn’t something you were interested in; he’d already told you he liked affection just as much as you did; and that he’d make an effort to check in with you - just as you would with him. but—

“then we’ll go back to being friends without the kissing,” he answered reassuringly, squeezing your shoulder and pulling you into his side. you sighed and snuggled close; that’s what you needed to hear. “you’re stuck with me, babe, not a lot you could do that’d have me fucking off now.”

you smiled and kissed his cheek. he practically glowed under the attention.

“ok,” you nodded. “you know i’m going to be researching everything about this deep into the night right?”

he groaned. “just relax. the internet isn’t going to have all the answers, babe. this is about us now, not anyone else.”

you hummed. “reddit might know something though.”

“jesus fucking christ…”

“hey! you’re the one who’s interested in me like sexually and uhh, emotionally? aesthetically? platonically? i don’t...”

kyle raised his eyebrows expectantly. “all but romantic.”

“right. so you know what you’re in for and you like it.”

he smiled. “i know.” his gaze flickered over your face. “do you?”

you’d been friends for years now, great friends. this would just be like a cherry on top of an already fantastic sundae.

“yeah. i do.”

“cool. then we should kiss a bit more since my team’s already lost,” he suggested and you snorted.

[starshapedk0ffin]

*In librarian outfit* I am NOT an asexual stereotype! Now excuse me while I go draw respectful nude anatomy studies while horror and sexuality video essays play and I listen to The Magnus Archives! NYAH!

[pigeonmilk117]

When I’m in a being a stereotype competition and my opponent is the characters who aren’t bisexual and straight in the helluverse:

[r3golith2]

Friendly reminder that not all aroace people are completely repulsed.

Everyone's experiences with being aromantic/asexual vary a lot & that's okay.

Nobody can dictate who's actually aromantic/asexual because sexuality is a fluid thing.

[tangents-within-tangents]

Yellow = yellow

Bananas are yellow, does this mean that yellow = banana?

No, yellow = yellow

Yellow =/= banana, does this mean bananas aren't yellow?

Lemons are yellow, does this mean lemon = banana?

Lemon =/= banana, does this mean lemons aren't yellow?

Some apples are yellow, does this mean yellow = apple?

Some apples are red or green, does this mean apples can't be yellow?

Some apples are red, some apples are yellow, does this mean red = yellow?

Lemons and apples are round but bananas aren't, does this mean bananas aren't yellow?

Apples and bananas are sweet, does this mean lemon's aren't sour? Or that sourness is bad?

Bananas, lemons, and apples are fruit, does this mean mustard isn't yellow?

No, yellow = yellow

A category groups things that share a commonality despite their differences. The differences coexist within that commonality without redefining the category.

Other similarities coexist within, and without, the commonality without redefining the category either. The fact that it doesn't redefine the category does not mean those similarities don't hold significance of their own.

If not for the commonality, it wouldn't be a category. If not for the differences, it wouldn't be a category either.

Okay? Cool

Asexuality = experiencing little to no sexual attraction

[starcallstorm]

Hahaha I'm taking creative license on behalf of all ace peeps on here, in regards to that one co-creator announcing that he envisioned Viktor as Ace by saying:

We thank you, but we'll take it from here. So maybe he's ace? A valid theory. But then maybe he's acespec/ace umbrella. Let's see him Grey Ace! Let's see him Demi! Let's see him AroAce, Cupio, or Litho! Creatively, having a character as Ace restricts nothing. I'm Ace, with a romantic partner I love dearly -- and yes, romantically. Ace people can experience romantic attraction. Sex positive and sex neutral Aces can also engage in sex. Or they can experience no attraction at all and love like family. They still have emotions and compassion and kindness.

Viktor being dubbed Ace as a way to quell the JayVik discourse seems reductive, especially by a man who doesn't understand the intricacies of being asexual himself.

Maybe Viktor is Ace. But that certainly doesn't invalidate all the fanworks that give him a life partner.

I hope we create many more. 😤

[bigmack2go]

Why do disabled people, fat people, authistic ppl and nonbinary always get hc’ed as asexual?

Dgmw have your headcannons, some of them i have too but it’s like all of them are fanon ace? Like i love the representation but is it really representiom if it’s just a concstant stereotype thats e v e r y w h e r e? And mostly no one else gets hc’ed as aro/ace it too! Like do you think just because i’m authistic and disabled and nonbinary i’m ow so innocent and i can’t have sex??? What??

[wishchip106]

gonna need to see this Erik in this outfit.maybe now?? pls 😿🙏

maybe people need to stop being cowards and put comic book movie characters in skintight bodysuits (men specifically‼️‼️)

sometimes we need slutty men to go hand in hand with the slutty women 😔

[mx-myth]

Cannot explain how fast I would sign the fuck up for an aro/ace/aroace dating/qpr/friend app

[stellewriites]

wip wednesday

tagged by @red5tars <3

snippet from a personal piece; aromantic gaz and asexual reader, qpr’s and learning to figure shit out at your own pace

his phone pinged on the coffee table in front of you and you snickered when you saw johnny's name. "looks like you'll owe johnny fifty quid in about an hour," you said and kyle groaned into his hands.

curled over with his elbows on his knees you rubbed his back

"guess pizza's on me next time then," you said and he looked up at you with unimpressed eyes.

"you're meant to say my team will pull through, babes. win at the last second," he huffed.

"i don't like to lie to you," you simpered sarcastically. you nudged him playfully when he rolled his eyes.

he looked at you then, your glistening eyes and teasing smile, and leant down for a soft kiss, his tongue making an eager appearance but barely brushing against your lips before he was pulling back.

he hovered close and you giggled quietly, cut off when he dipped back in, firmer this time. you kissed him back just as encouraging, held him close by the shoulders and licked into his mouth before he got the chance to tease.

you didn't know how long you sat there for, separating for quick moments to catch your breath before going back for more, magnetised and desperate to be close.

when you finally took a minute to break free, breathless and giddy, you gained the courage to joke with him. "so what are we?" you asked with a put on voice and an exaggerated expression. you broke after a moment and snorted a soft laugh.

kyle however had frozen. "uh, friends still?"

hope you guys like this one when it’s out!!

npt (sorry for any doubles!): @3amfanfiction @syoddeye @ohlawdthebirds @400badrequest @pricegouge @tempfrangit @dwarvenagenda @gloard :3

[anistarrose]

This isn't even the main problem with the rhetoric of "you can't headcanon that autistic character as asexual because it's infantilizing," but do people saying that ever realize that, like. If a character has even the lightest seasoning of neurodivergent-coding on them, certain people will infantilize them Regardless of whether ace headcanons are in the picture. People will see a grown adult character who's socially awkward but knowledgeable about a certain topic, and without hesitation decide to write them as an allosexual who barely knows what sex is. Quit blaming ace-spec autistics in fandom for the weird ableists.

[nylloth]

Not so happy about Viktor's asexuality. I always knew he was a man of science and not really interested in relationships, you don't need special proof for that, it's evident in the first season. It's just not something he cares about, but that doesn't mean he's giving it up completely either.

What's annoying to me is that you create a male character of non-masculine appearance, with a disability, and start adding things like asexuality and who the hell knows what else they're announcing for him in the future. It actually reinforces stereotypes that these types of men have no attraction or love. That men who don't throw themselves at women/men like dog, who are polite, gentle, considerate, have a certain body type, and so on, are always FEATURED in some way and can't be…. just a man, you know. I'd be pleasantly surprised if they did that with a character like Vander or Jayce. Why? Because they look stereotypically masculine. Such a trait could be unexpected and enjoyable. For Viktor, it's just “well, it's to be expected, he's an disabled stick scientist”.

His later, robotic version, moreover, attributes this to his physical condition rather than personal preference. A robot who has no feelings or emotions is obviously not interested in relationships of any kind. He's more like a savior angel, remembering that they made him extremely religious.